#i dont purge ever so i dont really know if that had any effect

[analogousanybody]

Dinner with the family went okay. I feel like I ate a lot but I lost 0.8 pounds when I weighed this morning (I weigh every morning) so I guess we’re okay??? 

Also got very drunk and lost track of my glasses soooooo I’ll have a headache until I find them again.

[devildomwriter]

Obey Me As Tumblr #11

Leviathan:

>saves rare items for the most dire of situations

>gets through the whole game without using any of them

Mammon:

“What if there’s an emergency?”

-gets into emergency-

“WHAT IF THERE’S A BIGGER EMERGENCY”

•

Leviathan: If Santa keeps track of naughty kids every year and the year doesn’t start until January 1st, that leaves 6 days after Christmas and New Years left undocumented, so nothing you do can be held against you

Mammon: The Purge: Season’s Greetings

•

Mammon: A vanilla soy latte is a type of three bean soup

Barbatos: No

•

Mammon: Does mace work on birds

Mammon: If a heron is attacking me will mace be an effective deterrent

Mammon: Time sensitive question please respond

•

Solomon: Despicable me ruined the word minion whenever I become a supervillain I’m just gonna have to call them my homies or whatever

•

Solomon: What if when you went to hell you had to watch a cinemasins-style video of every sin you committed during your life as part of your punishment

Me: Why didn’t I get into heaven lmao???

God: Everything Wrong With You spoilers! (Duh)

•

Asmodeus: Be handed a letter by your maid. Break the wax seal. Read it with dawning understanding and then slowly look up into the middle-distance with an ominous smirk. Order your carriage to be prepared at once.

Mammon: Me getting a text and calling a Lyft

•

Leviathan: Any body know any substitutes for love and personal fulfillment

Beelzebub: Crunchwrap supreme from Taco Bell

•

Satan: Fun Fact: ever wonder why it’s called The Iliad? Because ilium was another name for Troy, and the -ad suffix was used to mean “The Story of” This means that if you translated the title, the Iliad should actually be called

Troy Story

Mammon: Thanks I hate it

Simeon: You got a friend in horse

Luke: YOU DO NOT HAVE A FRIEND IN HORSE

•

Satan: Nothing will fuck you up more than the realization that there’s no real reason the alphabet needs to be in order

Mephistopheles: the fuck

•

Mammon: Telling someone “you are shit” and “you ain’t shit” are both insults

Satan: But “you are not shit” is a reassurance

Asmodeus: And “you are not the shit” is an insult

Belphegor: And “you are the shit” is a compliment

Solomon: I present to you the English language

•

Leviathan: Do you ever look at your eyes in the mirror and be like “I’m looking at my eyes with my eyes”

Mammon: I DONT NEED THIS SHIT RIGHT NOW

•

Diavolo: Lollipops are so weird you’re literally swallowing your own flavored saliva

Asmodeus: What have you done

•

Satan: “Maybe if you go to bed you’ll feel better in the morning” is literally just the human version of “have you tried turning it off and back on again?”

Leviathan: What have you done?

•

Solomon: Some of us are still “it” from a childhood game of tag

Mammon: This fucked me up far more than it should

•

Mammon: Pineapple on pizza discourse is so ugly like no one can win

We’re all losers as long as we live in the reality where it’s commonplace to put fruit on pizza

Mephistopheles: Tomato is a fruit

Mammon: Blocked

Mephistopheles: You can block me but you can’t block the truth

•

Belphegor: What if sleeping is our natural state and we’re only awake to gather information for dreams

Lucifer: You stop that

•

Raphael: If you’re lucky your internal organs will never see the light of day

Mammon: What?

Raphael: At some point you will be the next person on earth to die

Mammon: Stop!

•

Satan: The guy on the radio just said “gas prices aren’t so bad if you consider you’re really buying liquid explosive dinosaurs” and my perspective on life is forever changed

•

Barbatos: Want your house to smell great? Put two caps of vanilla extract in a cup, place it in the oven at 300 for an hour and your house will smell like heaven

Simeon: Hack life here

Mammon: I did this once and I thought it said TWO CUPS of vanilla extract and my entire house smelled like pillsburry dough boy’s butt hole for a month

Last • Next

[eroticcannibal]

Ok but really. Crying about fandom material that sexualises fictional children does nothing to protect real children. For a few reasons:

1. The vast majority of people are NOT learning what is and isn't ok from fandom. And on the other hand, what with most fandom spaces being heavy on tagging and trigger warning these days, this content comes with a disclaimer that it is NOT something that is ok IRL. (Have you ever spoke to any of the countless people who realised they were being sexualy abused specifically because their experiences were labelled with "dubcon"? This is not a rare thing!)

2. Let's say you achieve your dream. All sexual content about fictional children is purged from the Internet. What then? How many children did you save?

Zero. You saved no one.

Because it is not this content that leads to abuse. It is abusers that lead to abuse. It is a lack of education and a lack of trusted adults to turn to that leads to abuse. It is shame and vulnerable circumstances that lead to abuse.

Grooming is not about exposing minors to sexual content. Grooming is about gaining trust. My friend was routinely shamed about her developmentally appropriate sex drive, of course she trusted the one adult telling her it was OK. She would not have been raped by him if a lack of shame was normal for her. He would not have had that to exploit. I was groomed with free bus rides, so I could spend my bus money on stuff I needed. I was poor. I needed help.

Abusers find a way. They will always find another tool.

But think how many children you could save if you put all of that energy into proper sex ed (sex ed correlates with lower chances of being sexually abused and faster reporting if you are abused). Put that energy into ending shame and stigma around sexuality, especially sexual development in minors. Put that energy into ending exploitable vulnerabilities. Make sure poor families are fed. Make sure traumatised children have support. Model healthy adult-minor relationships. Demonstrate healthy boundaries and how to enforce them. You can do SO MUCH if you get your head out of discourse and do the hard work.

3. But the biggest reason this whole discourse is bullshit is it aint about the kids. Its about arguing and Internet clout and finding acceptable targets to abuse. It doesnt matter to you if they actually engage with this content or not (God knows you all come after me enough when I find this shit repulsive). The reasons dont matter either (god forbid you understand how many people use such stuff to process the trauma of being sexually abused as a minor and NO u dont get a say in that, fiction has always been an effective tool to confront trauma). No what matters to you is hurting people while being able to sleep at night. And you cannot save children by hurting people. You need to do the hard fucking work.

And you arent going to. All you are going to do is acuse me of consuming or creating this content (I dont), of defending or being a pedophile (In an ideal no false conviction world id rather they be shot tbh) and no doubt at least 3 of you are going to come up with more sexual fantasies about real children to try and gross me out of telling u that ur full of shit (because apparently sexualising fictional children is gross but telling me all about how you want real children to be raped is Normal Behaviour according to you lot). And you will only be proving me right. You don't want to be heroes. You want to hurt people.

[bi-dazai]

okay while we're on the subject of eating healthy and exercising, I want to vent/talk about weight loss. This is gonna be a rly controversial, very personal and extremely long post but I do want to make a point. I'm not going to discuss every fucking nuance of haes or my EDs. But for clarity, know that my eds are complicated and were mostly osfeds - minor anorexia osfed in high school and bed osfed when I was 18-19. after i realised how fat i was the minor anorexia came back and over the pandemic it became full scale anorexia nervosa.

I'm 5'3. The healthy weight range I should be in is in the high 40s-low 50s. I went up to TWICE that by the time I was just nineteen years old. It wasn't fun being fat. I consumed as much fat acceptance, fat activism content as I could, I pretended I was confident and happy even when I was fat. But I wasn't. Because people don't just get obese accidentally. A little overweight, yes. But obese? No. You get obese from depression, from giving up. You don't want to move so you don't. You're sad all the time, and the body positivity circles say eat comfort food, whatever and as much as it makes you feel better!! Do you know what that is? That's encouragement of BED. Do not say that. Because I did that. I ate sugar and junk food, I was still depressed.

I was reading these posts that were claiming fat people shouldn't be weighed at the doctor, that your weight shouldn't count, that BMI is incorrect and doesn't matter, etc etc. There were posts saying that they got "perfect bloodwork" (what even is that? I knew that was wrong, I've had chronic iron deficiency for a decade!) even though they were fat, so they had to be healthy, right? I got shown pictures of obese ballerinas and obese weightlifters blah blah blah. And I grew and grew, and I got to almost 85kg on the fast track to 100kg before reality smacked me in the face and I realised I was shortening my lifespan by decades.

Here's what it was like being obese!

- joint pain, constantly

- could barely walk anywhere without feeling out of breath

- couldn't find any fashionable, good quality clothes (plus size stores either carry unfashionable clothing, or fashionable but cheap quality clothing. I don't like to waste money on cheap clothes)

- more acne than I'd had in years

- oily skin

- more difficulty feeling "full"

- JOINT FUCKING PAIN

- rashes from skin rubbing against skin!

- even larger chest, making me MORE dysphoric

- back pain!!

- snoring - this is not just embarrassing. This is potentially deadly.

- DYSPHORIA

- KNEES. JOINT PAIN.

- DYSPHORIA

this was just things I felt physically, noticeably! The things that my fat was doing on the inside was even worse. Fat isn't just this layer of packing peanuts that appears on top of you. It coats your organs. It gets everywhere. It makes your entire body run worse.

Fat also makes it much more likely for you to not just GET cancer, but it it also makes it harder to FIGHT cancer. Being obese makes almost every single goddamn sickness on the planet worse because when you have THAT MUCH fat tissue the hormones and shit it secretes fucks EVERYTHING up.

Yes there are obese bodybuilders. Yes there are obese ballerinas. Let's talk about those two.

There are plenty of drs and dieticians who have pointed out the obvious - if an obese person was really, actually eating healthily and exercising every day, they would not stay obese forever. Its not magic, it's thermodynamics. CICO done right works for everyone. If you are eating healthy, appropriate portions for weight loss at your TDEE and exercising it would literally be IMPOSSIBLE for you not to lose weight!! Even more the heavier you are because when you exercise you carry around a lot more weight.

Obese weightlifters are still obese. They are not proof you can be obese and healthy. They are still going to die younger if they do not lose weight.

Let's talk about fat ballerinas. The only ones I've seen are trainee ballerinas, not professional ones. And their performance looks impressive at first, until you look closer. You notice their balance is never quite perfect, their control can be amazing and the best ever but they'll still be off. Why? Because fat moves around with your movement, and it displaces your balance and your line of movement. It's simply not possible to do something like ballet dancing as a fat person without risking major injury as well. En pointe is already stupid dangerous for the skinniest ballerina. Going en pointe at anything above 60kg is going to get progressively suckier the heavier you go. And god help your ankles because falling down will always end in a major injury.

I'm so fucking done with "fat acceptance". I'm tired of "body positivity" being a movement about obese middle-upper class white women and not about scars and disabilities etc like it was focused on in the start. I have no problems with Health at Every Size - every person should feel happy to workout, to eat healthy. I have no problem raising issue with people bullying others for their weight as well. That's wrong. But pretending that it's Healthy at Every Size is a fucking lie, and it's one that could've sentenced me to an early death. Healthy at Every Size said I was condemned to joint pain and oily skin and depression and exhaustion for the rest of my life based on cherrypicked sentences from studies that didn't agree with them. That "95% of diets fail" sentence in particular drives me up the wall. You don't need a diet to lose weight, you need healthy CICO, you need to eat below your TDEE, you need to eat healthy, and you need to exercise. All you have to do at first is go on a 10-20 minute walk, whatever pace you like, a few times a week.

You can BE fit, you CAN lose weight! You are not sentenced to having joint pain and an increased risk for cancer and a less effective COVID vaccine for life. You can change your body in incredibly ways. You have no idea what you are capable of.

There's this myth that weight loss takes keto and shakes and diet pills and crash diets etc. It doesn't. All it is is making sure you eat less than your TDEE, eating HEALTHY calories, and getting your heartrate up by exercising at least 175 minutes a week.

The human body is not meant to be obese. There's no such thing as a set point weight. There's CICO, there's nutrition, there's making sure your muscles dont atrophy. Weight loss and fitness isn't some magic thing that youre just born able to do. I was lazy throughout my entire teens. I thought fitness was something the popular girls did. It's not. It's for everyone. and everyone, especially in places with an obesity epidemic such as the US, UK, and Australia, should make use of it. It's a good thing. Walking is one of the best things you can do for your body, and it's incredibly rewarding in every way. Eating healthy and not eating until you feel like you're going to burst is rewarding in every way. And it's not like you can't ever have junk food again, you just have to limit it to a treat, a once or twice per week thing. And honestly, it makes it much more enjoyable that way.

Now I want to talk a little about my anorexia. My weight loss journey came to anorexia. This is because it was an eating disorder I'd had for a long time. I did not see a trainer or dietician, and I consciously decided to push myself too far. I consciously decide to eat less and exercise more when I am starving. This is not something that just happens because someone is eating at 1200cals. It happens because you have an eating disorder which you are born with. Saying people who eat 1200cals of healthy food a day and exercise right are "anorexic" is so fucking insulting to everyone involved. It's ableist and ignorant. 1200cals is also a pretty generous amount for anorexic ppl to eat. That's close to a binge in ED standards, so that should give you a reference for how offbase saying 1200cals is "anorexic" is.

My anorexia is healthy habits pushed into eating disorder territory. I eat healthy, yes, but I don't eat enough. I exercise, yes, but I often push myself too far when I'm already lacking energy. The advice I give people for health is correct, and I'm never going to go around saying "eat less than 1200cals" as weightloss advice. Eat less, sure, but there's a limit. Calorie counting is a good thing to do, tracking your macros and nutrients is good. But I do it too much.

I know what's healthy, a lot of ppl with restrictive and purgative EDs do. People with EDs can give some awesome health advice, we just can't follow it because we have a mental disorder. Believe it or not people with EDs discussing their EDs are not "pro-ana", pointing out that anorexia and people with anorexia are real and not some boogeyman you use to justify not losing weight and eating healthy is not pro-ana. Anorexia existing is not pro-ana and anorexics being anorexic has nothing to do with fatphobia.

this post is a rambling mess but i rly had to get some stuff clear on how I feel abt this stuff because it's getting concerning how much unhealthy shit, and then straight up ableist shit, that the fat acceptance crowd spews out.

A little exercise won't kill you, eating healthy won't kill you. You are not sentenced to ugly plus size fashion and joint pain and being out of breath for the rest of your life. Leave the Healthy at Every Size death cult and join the Health at Every Size movement. Let the doctor take your weight (it IS medically necessary). acknowledge that you are obese and it is affecting your health. It's scary but it can be the start of a new, healthy beginning. It was for me.

Losing 15kg has been the best thing in my life. Sure, the anorexia is there enjoying it for one reason. But the reason I truly enjoy it is because I've discovered what a healthier body feels like. I've discovered the joys of exercise, I've discovered the joys of eating healthy. I can fit nice clothes now. And I'm still overweight! I'm 66kg, that's 4kg away from the barest minimum acceptable healthy bmi. But I feel so so much better. I look better. I have a jawline! Good skin! Energy! It didn't fix me but it sure made me a hell of a lot better.

Please please try and eat healthy, eat an appropriate amount, go for walks. It's so so good, and if you do it right you WILL lose weight. You'll live past 50. You'll get to explore the world in a way you couldn't when going up stairs had you out of breath. You'll fit into that nice skirt you've been looking at. Your skin will clear up. You'll have energy and your mental health will improve.

It's so so fucking worth it to put effort into your health, like I cannot emphasise this enough. Please do it, I wish I could tell myself this when I was binging on junk because the FA crowd told me it was valid to comfort eat until I hurt.

[auty-ren]

The Offer: Chapter 2

Touches

Pairing: ClanLeader!Mando x fem. Reader

Rating: T (Mature for future chapters)

Word Count: 3.5k

Warnings: Injury, Touching, Insinuations of sex, Cursing (just a tiny bit), Fluff, Yearning (a lot).

A/N: I’m having so much fun writing this. Please let me know what you think! Comments and feedback appreciated always. It’s also on AO3. Hope y’all enjoy💕

Chapter 1 | Chapter 3

Mandalorian lore via mandoa.org (I dont own it)

ClanLeader!Au created by @magichandthing​​

Gif by @coredrive​

Summary: You finally get to speak to Clan Leader Djarin again.

Your nose was definitely broken.

The elder assessed that much on her initial exam of your face. 

The bile in your stomach churned and nausea flooded your senses at the thought of having to reset the broken cartilage. You knew they would have to realign your nose otherwise it would never grow back properly. However, your stubbornness took hold and you wouldn’t let the elder anywhere near your face. You knew the pain that was eventually going to happen, but you dreaded the process. You wanted to postpone it for as long as you could. You tried to rationalize other options, internally debating and trying to come up with excuses for Mira and the Elder. Maybe if it was left alone, your nose would heal just fine; it seemed like a probable outcome you just hoped Mira would see it that way and leave you be.

Mira, of course, had different plans.

It took Mira straddling you, completely immobile due to her weight pressing into your chest, and the strength she held your arms with for the Elder woman to be able to fix your nose from its dislocated position. When she finally did, you're sure your scream reverberated off the walls.

“We underestimated your strength ad’ika.” The woman joked after giving a final dose of a bacta shot. Your eyes were still watering and you just huffed in response, causing Mira to chuckle from across the room.

Mira’s company started to grow on you, even though at first your time together was filled with silence. She often busied herself around the hut; shining her armor, cleaning her assortment of weapons, tinkering with different pieces of mechanics that littered the shelves. You would offer to help and she accepted, reluctantly at first, but you were starting to think she enjoyed your company as much as you did hers.

Most of the conversation was you asking questions about Mira and her people. You had some knowledge of the ways of a Mandalorian but Mira always explained it better. She always answered you with a sense of patience, explaining everything to you in detail you could understand. You appreciated it, the last thing you would want to do is offend her people with ignorance. She seemed to enjoy your enthusiasm for learning about Mandalorian culture.

“Ba'jur bal beskar'gam, Ara'nov, aliit, Mando' a bal Mand'alor, An vencuyan mhi.”

“What?”

“It is a rhyme taught to children, so they can better understand our way of life.” She put down the tool she was cleaning her armor with, handing you the piece to polish. Before you could even ask, she recited the same phrase to you in basic.

“Education and armor, Self-defense, our tribe, Our language, and our leader, All help us survive.”

Days bled into weeks and you started to lose count of how long you had been with Mira. Your injuries had healed fully thanks to Mira and the elder that visited you. Light remains of your still healing bruises were all the evidence of the encounter. As you felt better, Mira invited you to accompany her into the village. It had almost become pleasant, the little routine you two had. The fresh air always felt nice, and Mira filled the time telling you more stories of her clan.

“That man,” you paused, debating whether or not you should even bring up the topic. “The one who I met when we first arrived, who was he?”

Ever since then you found yourself wondering about him more than you liked to admit. He and Mira had been the first people to treat you with kindness in a long time, so you figured the reaction to him was just grateful. Your curious nature made it almost impossible to not want to know more. You had learned much about Mira the last few weeks, and the persistent thoughts of him would certainly cease at knowing more of him. At least that's what you told yourself, but it was hard to forget that blooming you felt in your chest when he first spoke to you. How the deep timbre of his voice felt like honey that settled in your bones. You caught yourself daydreaming how his voice would sound without the mask of his voice coder, just as rich and deep but something new and soft against your ears. It probably felt heavenly to hear him whisper things to you, his breath gentle in your ear.

Mira turned to you and watched as you waited for an answer. It was as if Mira could read your thoughts from the way her head tilted to look at you. You were thankful she didn't pry, that was a conversation you didn't want to have.

“He is the strongest and conscientious of us all, which is why the High Elders chose him to lead and defend our clan. Each of the pendants he wears is a testament to his fortitude.”

You listened intently, hanging on to every word Mira spoke.

“They say he received his signent by hunting a Mudhorn that terrorized the village and killing the beast with a viro-blade as his only weapon.”

“Oh,” was all you could say, your voice just a whisper in the silence left behind her words. As much as you will yourself to be satisfied with this information, it only seemed to stoke the fire that had been set ablaze by him. You wanted to know so much more, the desire to be around him was something you tried hard to ignore.

—

Much to Mira’s protest you mostly stayed to yourself, already feeling so out of place. Aside from her, the elder, and the brief encounter with the clan leader Djarin you hadn’t spoken to anyone else since being here. She tried all she could to get you to attend their weekly dinner, a celebration every clan member attended, she insisted. You eventually caved to her persistence. So you sat with her at one of the long wooden tables, chipping away at the plate full of food in front of you. Every so often you stopped to pull at a loose thread in your sleeve, somehow hoping the action would ease the anxiousness you felt.

The clan had given you new clothes shortly after settling with Mira. She presented the garments to you one night, explaining that the leaders agreed you would feel more comfortable in them. A simple, deep red, long sleeve tunic, and a long brown skirt that flowed around the movement of your legs. It was similar to the attire you’d seen some of the women in the village wearing.  It felt unusual at first, you were so used to wearing the same few articles, almost threadbare in places from the years of consistent wear. These clothes seemed almost new, soft to the touch, and fit your body perfectly. The gesture nearly brought tears to your eyes, no one had given you such a thoughtful gift since you were a child.

It was so refreshing to see that not all the hope had been purged from the galaxy. Mira's people were just as legend had described them, fierce warriors with integrity and strength that rivaled entire battalions of soldiers; but there was also love and kinship that was deeply rooted in pillars of their society. It seemed almost surreal, this warrior race had taken you in; had healed and cared for you. It was something you had to witness first-hand, no amount of stories could convey the community the Mandalorians had, at least no one would believe you if you had tried.

You opted to observe the events of dinner, not wanting to cause any more trouble than you felt you had already. Mira had not lied when she said everyone would be there. The tables were filled with people laughing and enjoying the company of each other. It felt so peaceful, and the unsettling feeling in your stomach subsided as the dinner went on. The evening eventually started winding down when dusk had settled over the village. You thought it would be rude to leave without Mira, so you waited patiently on the sidelines wanting to return to the hut.

“How are you feeling?”

Din leaned his shoulder against the wall behind you, his arms crossed and his head tilted to the side. You jumped, you hadn't even heard him coming towards you. He seemed amused at your reaction, letting out a huff that slightly jolted his shoulders.

“I’m fine,” You felt that same pull start in your chest. “Mira has taken very good care of me.”

“Good.”

He became silent, watching the clan mingle like you were. This was exactly what you had been hoping for, to be alone, to be able to talk with him, and ask all the things you had been pondering since your initial meeting. But now you felt so small, every word you had readied was lost on your tongue, swallowed by the intimidation you felt. He was the noblest warrior of his clan, strong and authoritative in his ways but he made your heart flutter in a way you didn't know could. It was suffocating, being around him but you craved it nonetheless.

He moved to sit next to you, straddling the bench you sat on. You could feel him looking at you, but you didn't dare tear your gaze from in front of you. You felt your face flush all the way to the tips of your ears. He hadn’t said five words to you and you were already a mess.

“I should find Mira,” you broke the tension, hoping to escape so you could finally breathe again. “It's late.”

Before you could distance yourself he spoke, halting you in your tracks.

“I can return you to your hut,” he paused pushing himself to stand. He considered you for a moment as if to debate his next words.

“If that's what you wish.”

—

“I haven’t seen you since your arrival.” It wasn't really a question, more of an observation. You turned to look at his helmet, still trained on the path in front of you.

“Mira forced me to break my isolation.”

A huffed laugh came through his helmet, effectively melting some of the tension that had built up. Your own smile stretched across your lips, he still made you incredibly nervous but he at least had a sense of humor.

You didn't exchange any more words, silence falling back over you both. It felt just a little different than before, the tension wasn't drawn so tight. A light airy feeling replaced the energy that flows between the two of you. You could feel your muscles relaxing just the slightest bit, the bubbling worry in your stomach replaced with a dull ache.

Your senses focused back on your surroundings, cool darkness had enveloped your path, lit only by the torches mounted against the huts. People still congregated in the street, groups exchanging wishes of sweet dreams as most of them prepared for sleep. As you passed, side by side with their leader, each person stopped to give a small bow. Some of their gazes lingered on you, not in a judgemental way, most of them just seemed curious in nature. It was probably odd, seeing some strange woman being escorted by the most respected man in their village. If he noticed their looks, he didn't make it known.

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw a small flash of bright color, sticking out noticeably against the neutral tones of the earth. You stopped and tucked in between two of the homes lining your path home, was a small flower bed. Some of the buds had yet to bloom, the new petals poking through the green shell that encased them. Others were full and brilliant, ranging from every color under the sun. You kneeled down to gently caress the buds in the palm of your hand.

Din didn’t realize you had stopped at first. He noticed the absence of your footsteps and turned around, watching you admire the flowers. He walked closer to you, essentially blanketing you in his shadow. Like before, you failed to notice his presence behind you.

“Sorry,” you apologized once you realized he was waiting for you. Standing up and brushing the dirt from your knees. You awkwardly clasped your hands together in front of you, waiting for him to respond. He stood still, completely static and it felt like a standoff of who would move next. You thought of saying something, anything to get him to act again but before you could he cut you off.

“You like…” He seemed to carefully consider his next words, in some ways it almost seemed meek the way the syllables rolled off his tongue. “Flowers?”

You turned your head to glance at the bed behind you. Realizing now how odd you must've looked, stopping to smell flowers like some child. You looked forward and he had yet to move still staring directly at you, at least that's what you assumed it was hard to tell with his visor.

“Yes, um…” Your mouth felt dry and tightened around your words. You know he didn't ask for an explanation but you gave one nonetheless, trying to ease your embarrassment.

“My mother used to have flowers on my home planet,” You turned your face down to your hands, rubbing your thumb at the juncture of two of your fingers. “I haven't seen any since the day I left...”

It had been a long time since you had thought of your old life. Ever since the war it had become painful to even entertain the good memories. Your parents had become ghosts of what they once were.  Their faces were just flashes in your mind, reduced to the few reminders that stuck with you. The smells of cedar and earth reminded you of your father, his clothes always permeated with the smell of the outdoors. Sometimes you could recall how kind his eyes were, seeing a glimpse of them in your dreams. You remembered your mother’s flowers, how they grew during the warm season filling beds of green with vivid, swirling color.

“I didn’t realize they still grew.” You tried your best to keep the emotions these memories held from finding your face, but Din sensed them nonetheless. He hesitated for a moment before gesturing for you to follow him again.

—

“Thank you, for walking with me,” you said turning to him with a small smile on your face as the hut came into your view.

“Of course.” He stopped just a few feet away from you, turning to mimic your position.

“Goodnight,” you said, turning and walking up the few steps of the porch to Mira’s home.

“You never told me your name,” he said, causing you to stop just in front of the door, you turned back to face him.

You told him, giving a slight smile at the end of your words. He parroted your name, climbing up the stairs becoming level with you again. He moved closer to your body, leaving just a few inches between your chests. You looked up into his visor, your reflection more noticeable with the close proximity of your bodies.

He repeated your name, his hands going for one of the necklaces resting against his chest. He lifted it away from him, bringing the necklace around your neck, the cool metal of the pendant resting just above your breasts. You looked between him and the mythosaur skull, the same one you saw plastered on nearly everything in the village. You wanted to say something, your mouth opening, and closing while trying to focus long enough to string a few words together.

“You’re so beautiful.” He leaned his arm against the door behind you, pinning you between him and the wood of Mira’s hut. His other hand came up to trace along the length of your neck, his knuckles stopping when they reached your chin.

You felt like you were on fire, your blood running white-hot under your skin, leaving a blushed tint in its wake. You didn’t dare look up at him, afraid you’d melt under his gaze that seemed to bore straight through you. You kept your eyes fixated on the expansion of chest level with your eyes.

“Have you thought about staying?” His fingers gripped your chin, bringing you to look directly at his visor.

“Stay?” You were a little taken back, your voice coming out as a squeak compared to his. “Here?”

“Yes, here.” He chuckled, his voice dropped mocking the whisper in your tone. A smile threatens the corners of your lips and you bite on the inside of your cheek to stop the spread. He thought it was entertaining, watching you become giddy under his attention. You turned to look just past his shoulder, willing the flush you felt on your face and neck to subside. You had wanted his attention and now you had it but you were failing miserably at being anything but at his mercy.

“Do you like it here?” He said sensing your hesitation, forcing you to focus on him again.

“Yes, of course.” It was true, you enjoyed your time. But to stay? What place did you have here? They had made you feel so welcome but you were an outsider and you had yet to offer any contribution to their way of life. You had felt better than you had in years. Like a familiar version of yourself had taken over again, replenishing the life you so desperately tried to find before. It felt invigorating but you knew it couldn't last forever, and with your injuries in the final stages of healing, you knew that time was coming to an end.

“Then stay.” His voice was firm but held a sort of gentleness that made your heart flip in your ribcage.

He grabbed your hand, leading your palm to rest in the middle of his chest. Your fingers instinctively spread over the warmth of his skin, he interlocked his fingers with yours, effectively trapping your hand behind his.

You couldn’t see his face, but it felt as if you were staring right into his soul. You imagined the depth and piercing look of his eyes. You imagined they were just like the rest of him, fierce and intriguing but with a softness hid behind them. Mesmerizing you and making you want nothing more than to fall deep in their hypnosis. You wanted to kiss him, to feel him against you, flesh and bone to be explored by your fingertips. You wanted to be encased totally by him, to drown in the warmth he exuded, to feel nothing but him for the rest of your days.

With a newfound boldness, you slipped your hand away from his slowly trailing down the center of his chest. The pads of your fingers moved over the toned muscle of his chest, doing exactly what you had daydreamed about since you met him. His skin was a beautiful tanned color with scars scattered, telling the story of his battles. You traced a few, fingers delicately moving across the raised skin. You felt his breath released from behind his helmet, so quiet you may have not noticed if it weren't for the rise and fall of his chest. You continued your movements, traveling down until you met the trail of hair that peeked out from his trousers. He abruptly grabbed your wrist, a groan filtering through to your ears. His grip was firm, stopping your actions but being careful not to hurt you.

“You should get some rest.” His voice was so low, gravelly, barely registering with the voice coder of his helmet. He released his grip, moving your hand back to your side.

You were afraid you had fucked up, misreading him and crossing some forbidden line. Shame flooded your mind, causing your gaze to drift to your feet. He reached up to your face, pushing the hair that fell in your face back, revealing the timid look that fell on your features. He held his palm against your face for just a moment longer than necessary. As his hand fell from your face, you were back to staring into the darkness of his visor, surprised by the tenderness of his actions.

“Goodnight,” He whispered, turning back to walk down the steps, leaving you stunned and missing his warmth.

“Goodnight.”

—————

Taglist: @queenofheavenandhell​​ @youmeanmybrain​ @theocatkov​ @dreamgirl-67 @duker42​ @spxcedxdddy​ @vikingqueen28​ @hdlynn​ @leo-moon​ @tiffdawg​

(Let me know if you want to be added or removed!💕)

[rhimorechill]

1-30 can i just have your opinion on all of them please

KDHSKHFKFB whoever u are anon ur actually my only follower ever

1. are you of the “tom nook is a crook” or “tom nook is an honest businessman” opinion ?

HES AN HONEST BUSINESSMAN !!! ur loans have NO interest and he was handing out 100k interest/month for a good while there !!!!! the only reason it dropped to 10k is b/c i accidentally made a mil while tryna get dreamies ok. the whole "nook inc owns the entire island" thing is KINDA WEIRD but like ! i mean. its still a pretty sweet deal

2. do you play as yourself or a made up character ?

i play as me !! and then everyone tells me my character is cute which ROCKS

3. where is your house located ?

well CURRENTLY. its just at the center of the island. but once i get terraforming (which will be as soon as i get lolly, mitzi, and purrl) it will be on its own little island in the middle of the island

4. who were your first villagers ?

hamlet and renee ! and bea and agent s and broccolo. oh and quillson. theyre all gone now but i moved bea into a friends island so i can visit her later !!

5. preferable method of earning bells ?

turnip runs babey !!! srsly i will pay like 500k tips and make a million in PROFIT (per run !!) its fucking awesome. i never use turnip exchange tho that shit website always stops telling me where i am in the queue

6. what villager personalities do you typically get along best with ?

i love all of them. so much. normal and lazy villagers might take the cake, but ankha was on my island for 2 days and nearly stole my heart, so snooty villagers r up there too. smug villagers ? like i mostly have experience w raymond b/c i fucking HATED quillson and keaton n ed i barely paid attention to (ed gets points tho. he shares my bday) but that goddamn nerd has a war with slugs. we love to see it. peppy villagers rock (i have THREE on my island rn... but ugh i gotta kick out merry sometime..... i love her but i just !! have too many). i CANNOT hate jock villagers those guys just wanna work out !!! and talk abt working out !!!! theyve done nothing wrong in their whole lives. uchi villagers are great too and cranky villagers r trying their best !!! every villager is good is what im saying. even quillson (i guess)

7. who is your current best friend in the game ?

MGHGSHGD felicity or raymond !!! they send me mail all the time and also i really like raymond. b/c hes such a fucking NERD of an accountant. and felicity was the first of my dreamies to move in so im 💚 when it comes to her...... SOMEDAY. lolly will also be my bff. lolly come home

8. is there a villager you want to get rid of ?

MERRY WHITNEY VELMA. PLEASE GO AWAY. U R ALL SWEETIES BUT NONE OF U MADE THE CUT. ONLY ONE OF U IS EVEN A CAT. (if you want whitney or velma pls dm me !!! someone asked for merry already but id love for them to be on islands where ppl love em)

9. do you hoard a lot of items ?

YES. i did a purge the other day and laid a fuckton of items out to give away. it did not fit and i had to shove some on the cliffs. i still have a big pile waiting to be taken. meanwhile my storage gets new items added

10. take medicine or save & restart ?

medicine is for chumps.

11. where is your favorite spot in your village ?

HMMMM i rlly like my entrance !!!! its rlly neat and has green AND pink mums + trees..... and fencing and a path. IDK i worked hard on it and think it turned out rlly well !!!! other than that maybe my shopping area ? i dont have terraforming yet so theres a lot i Havent Gotten To wrt my island (like my cliffs are almost entirely undeveloped b/c i havent placed any inclines. so theres no pathing)

12. what achievement do you want to hit the most ? (ex: golden equipment, all fish / bugs, etc)

its not REALLY an achievement but i want all my dreamies real bad. after that i want a 5 star island !! i would like a lily of the valley. or 20.

13. do you know any secret tips ?

HMMM i dont think so ?? i dont really know any secrets. ive been trying out campsite cycling and it has Not been going well tho. if u need tips on tting to move villagers out or smthn i can help w that !! this is such a vague q that im like DO i know smthn ??? that is a secret ?????? i also vaguely know abt *m**b* sp**f*ng but im not allowed to do that soooo. thats a pipe dream. fun fact: its not a secret but gardening is SO fucking complicated theres genetics n shit. its wild. thank god someone straight up gave me blue roses so i dont have to go thru that shit. also do not tt backwards when dealing with turnips. not even 30 mins to save ur 600+ prices frm closing time. They Will Change

14. who are your dreamies ?

THESE CATS (i know major shocker from tumblr user pumakittycat. app is acnh life)

15. favorite furniture item ?

HMMMM THIS IS A TOUGH ONE. maybe mum cushions ? those r cute as fuck. i love every flower item, honestly, frm garden wagons to flower stands to pansy tables to hycanith lamps to. idk the bonsai shelf ? i have one of those. i also love my sea globe. its great. WAIT DO RUGS AND WALLS/FLOORS COUNT THERES NO QUESTIONS ABT THOSE i love so many FUCKING items. also autumn woods wall, if ur out there,

16. favorite clothing item / outfit ?

my green clover dress !!!! its the best thing EVER. my full outfit also consists of a silver tiara, a cherry blossom pouchette, white fishnets, and green rubbertoed sneakers. and, ofc, clover facepaint. ALSO FOR CONTEXT. my island is named clover bay thats why im like Clover Time. Theyre Important To The Aesthetic. im also an aro bitch who loves overall dresses. b/c they slap

17. favorite museum room ?

I LOVE THE LITTLE BUTTERFLY ROOM do not even TALK to me unless ur the butterfly room in the museum THERES SO MANY AT ALL TIMES ITS SO NICE

18. cedar, fruit, or palm tree ?

FRUIT. i literally chopped down every single hardwood tree on my island and replaced them w orange trees

19. favorite fruit ?

.......Oranges

20. favorite fish ?

HM. bitterling has a special place in my heart for being my Only fish model. whale sharks also rock tho. and thats only of the ones ive caught !!! i also love frogs, turtles, and obligatorily catfish. oh and seahorses and bettas

21. favorite bug ?

HM. ladybugs maybe. and both birdwings ! maybe also emperors butterflies. possibly others as well

22. favorite flower breed ?

MUMS !!!!!

23. favorite crossbred rare flower breed + color ?

GREEN MUMS.

24. favorite villager personality ?

havent we been over this ? im a dumb bitch who likes all of them way too much

25. favorite time of day to play ?

i uh. play. all the time. i tt a Lot tho so i like setting my time to 1pm ? idk it Feels like a good time

26. favorite special visitor event or reward ? (ex: selecting an art piece from redd, aiding guliver and getting a special item, etc)

SAHARAH. im obsessed w the fucking rugs and the tickets and the lottery. i also love celeste, and gulliver has a spot on the faves list for providing lucky cats sometimes (also a fave item) and for having been to space

27. favorite kk song ?

call me basic, but bubblegum kk plays at all times in my living room

28. favorite animal crossing game ?

ACNH lmao. i never really sat down and got Dedicated to city folk, which is the only other game ive played

29. if you’ve played animal crossing before, are there any animals you’re nostalgic for ? if this is your first game, has any animal in particular left some effect on you ?

ROVERRRRR come home :( also harriet.... i Miss Her. and resetti (i REFUSE to use rescue services dont @ me). and also the bus driver guy who took u to the city. If You Were An NPC In City Folk I Miss You Now

30. share a story from your gameplay

SO. i love the little alien easter egg. i set up a photoshoot and made like a little storyline abt the aliens and stuff. i even got a flying saucer and put that down and used it. and every fucking time !!!! i do shit with aliens !!!!!!! gulliver shows up on my beach. i know he went to space in cf n stuff (I GOT FLAVOR TEXT ONE TIME-- DURING NH-- ABT HIM NOT WANTING TO GO BACK EVEN) so i think its fucking hilarious that the aliens show up.... so does he

[alicezan-ncgred]

Bleeding Red

Preface: I’ve been bitching around the bush of this long enough. So, I’ve been really silent on a bunch of stuff that’s been eating me alive which has made me both inactive and unproductive. I’m going to get straight to the point, starting off with the TL:DR from my post on my main blog. Context: An anon asked me if I was alright because I hadn’t updated in a while.

TL:DR You probably didn’t ask this to hear about all the bad shit of my life so here’s the short of it. No, I’m not doing fine. I will try get next weeks post out on time and I’ll work on making up on the lost posts. Updates will return regularly, ‘ite.

Time for the thick and thin of it.

Insecurity and being shafted: I’m stoic, even at my worst I won’t say anything. I’ll push through regardless of my current condition and since I’ve gone years like this, it’s not hard for me to do. In my real life situation, I’m currently in a place of social isolation. This has lead to a somewhat near reliance on Tumblr to be my social outlet. This present many issues.

The main one is that I’m quite the isolationist. This has only been reinforced by many interactions throughout the entirely of my life. Because of this, I can’t say I’ve ever had anything really more than two friends at a time. While in a way this has helped me express myself so well through writing, it’s come at the cost of social skill. I don’t talk to anyone.

With this kind of issue you could easily imagine that the THREE PEOPLE (four now, but very limited) to ever directly talk ended up in a way shafting me. The first blocked and disconnected with me without warning or reason. At this point we’ve been talking to each for about a month and we hit it off very well and then one day, silence. Never heard from them again. That fucked me up hard when I finally realized what happened.

The second person left during the Tumblr P**n Purge. We were talking about how to contact each other on other platforms and then they stopped responding. I had already given contact to other platforms of which they pinged me in any way. Another person that I trusted massively on here just abandoned me and I’m still hurting from that. Wasn’t fair at all.

Then the third person was someone that I been following for a while. This person is actually the reason that I’ve been putting this off for so long. I don’t want them to see this post but they will. I got an ask from them that ultimately turned out to be misinformation. I said I wasn’t mad but I was. I was so fucking angry about it and I’m still kinda mad, but I didn’t want problems. I still don’t. I just didn’t want them to worry about it. This will come back later.

I try my best to be as inoffensive as possible. The problem with that is that much of the things I believe or enjoy are highly divisive. Hell, even my own identity can be seen as offence. I’m bisexual, non-binary (I’m currently still questioning this. I might actually be gender fluid but in the overall scheme, that’s worse than being non-binary), and nonreligious. I’m in a very religious area so you I’m still “in the closet” about much of this IRL. I though it would better online but with how much people are saying bisexuality doesn’t exist, or that non-binary isn’t a valid gender (or that being gender fluid make you insane and you should be locked up) and all the hate people who say they are this are getting, the very community that’s supposed to accept me, HATES me. I had a bi pride flag icon last year during Pride Month. I never doing that ever again. It was terrible.

I’m trying my best to come out of my shell like I said I would when I made this blog but it seems I’m just crawling further into it. People I think I can trust keep setting me up to fall, people I know in real life won’t ever accept my existence if they knew who I really was, and my own mental health problem and self loathing are eating me alive. But that isn’t the total of it.

Crumbling Pillar: I’ve always ended up in the position where things were thrown onto me. In which no one wanted to do, I was stuck with. Because of this not only do I have a severe distaste being around my family (beyond everything mentioned before hand) but I grew to have a negative out look on everything. This effect is still quite obvious in my writings, especially my poems. Out of the 14 poems on my poem blog @washed-soul​, only one has a happy meaning.

The one happy poem was called dreams. Under a metaphor it talks about how a demon kept me trapped in a dark space. I start to get better and nearly break free before I have a negative relapse back to my old ways. The poems ends with the demon putting a end to itself leaving the nightmare in which it was keeping me in to slowly fade away, letting one crack of light peeking through to become a window to a door until one day I walk free. When writing this poem, I never thought I would find myself rebuilding the nightmare but that’s where I am.

I’m done with holding things together that other people have placed onto me. Because of this, issues have began showing in my private life. Issues that should’ve been solved decades ago are only now being addressed. This change in the status quo of my life has caused many issues in my productive and mood. Between everything else I’m too tired to do anything.

Is that a reason, is that an excuse. No it isn’t but it’s the best thing I got as a reason. I’m doing my damnedest to do the best I can but of course, when it comes to the thing that matter I just fall short. Big fucking whopha my intelligence and capability does me if I can’t use it for anything that means a damn.

Meaningless Triviality: I’m a very emotional person. I’m very strongly bound to my emotions and if everything above hasn’t given it away, my emotions are very negative prone. But it just doesn’t stop there, it goes back into my memories. I can only honestly place 3 happy memories for certain that aren’t either A) a dream or B) me escaping reality through my mind. Besides that, almost all my memories are negative. 

People like to throw around the word Nihilist to describe themselves because today's culture is very, god while I hate to use this word, edgy. For those who don’t know a Nihilist is someone who views the world as being completely  meaningless and reject all religious and moral principles. I very truly struggle with this outlook of life. It’s a daily for me to berate myself saying “just kill yourself” or “I want to die” or just shutting down and crumpling up while say “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry” over and over again. Hell, I did that while writing this. 

I take things very hard, even the slightest transgression. I’m so used to trying to make things perfect and because people have the image that I’m the smart one, the mature one, the capable one, I’m left with the over hanging expectation of excellence. Almost no room for margin of error or being human. Since I’m the silent type, I put up no challenge and work to meet it. Only time I get any praise for anything too. 

I guess as a little self promotion to my main blog, for those that have read the very first few updates of my main blog @the-truth-behind-redacted, or read Defiance’s character sheet, while The Machine and Defiance are separate character, they both share the name Machine. That in part is a reflect of said above expectation. How ravenous and inhuman it can be all under the guise of something human. Those characters are the two sides to the same coin. 

Remember how I said I try to be un-problematical and how I try to avoid any potential conflict. In the first segment I told on how I lied about my feelings just so another person didn’t have to worry over something that honestly, in hindsight, wasn’t even really a big deal. But I also said how it consumed me in anger. I just don’t want to bother anyone over anything. It’s part of the reason why I am writing this post, as some way of a self enforced rehab program to get better. 

This absolute consumption of negative emotion has pushed me into a non human state before. I hit a point of absolute mental exhaustion and in such a self enforced bubble of actual hatred I became completely apathetic. I felt numb to everything. I watched and heard of terrible things happening to people, and felt nothing. I watched people lives crumble before them leaving them nowhere to go and LAUGHED. “Just another worthless pathetic worm on this rotting carcass of a planet being hit with the hard reality that life doesn’t care for them. What whimsical pathetic bullshit they deluded themselves with to think otherwise.” This isn’t an exaggeration on how I thought, this is what I actually thought. Which brings me too.

The Mandatory Sob Story: Roll your eyes everyone and get the tiny violin. I guess in order for everyone to exactly understand the place I’m coming from when it comes to mental health I’ll have to detail my experiences. I have a long standing history with mental illness. I have professionally diagnosed OCD, Bipolarism, Anxiety, Chronic Depression, and visual and auditory hallucinations. I take 600 mg of Seroquel a day as well as Amitriptyline when needed. I’m also still currently in therapy to deal with said OCD, Bipolarism, Anxiety, Chronic Depression, the visual and auditory hallucinations, as well as Suicidal thoughts, and my Nihilism. There’s a reason to why I’m so god damn familiar with mental illness and treatment plans.  

OCD and Bipolarism run in my family on my fathers side. My Father’s Father had them, my Sister has them, my brother most likely has them (however he refuses to see a doctor because he uses said possible mental illnesses as a get out of jail free card. He doesn’t want to be treated and he has FUCKING ADMITTED IT), my father has them, and I have them. I, however, have the misfortune of having it real bad. I said yes to well over half of all the total symptoms when I was being tested (I don’t remember exact numbers but I remember there being three pages worth of common symptoms) which was very worrying to the doctor. I was currently in an inpatient hospitalization program at the time for both suicidal thoughts and actions, and severe depression. 

On that, my graze in with suicide. Before I went into my first inpatient program I was contemplating suicide. I was sat in front of a mirror with a bottle of over the counter medication. It was an unopened bottle of ibuprofen, 1000 200mg tables. What I planed to do was down the whole bottle with benadryl and die in my sleep. I had the small box of benadryl got from the Kroger pharmacy and a hand full of ibuprofen poured out looking directly into the mirror. My suicide note was sitting on the desk on my room with an online copy on my laptop open.

I sat there for an hour in the dead of midnight complicating my life. I had lost all hope in the world, filled with hatred, anger, pain, and despair. I had no god or after life to look forward too, part way hoping that a Hell existed for me to burn in. I hated myself that much. I was close to taking the first handful before before I caught a glimpse of my own eyes in the mirror. In what was in a weird sudden epiphany I realized that I truly did become what I hated but not for any reason I told myself. I became the very bastion of negativity I sought to fight and rid of in what little friends I did have. That was what set off my path to recovery in spite of the medical system. I guess if people care I’ll make a separate post on that. 

Before I move on, I feel I should explain my history with the visual and auditory hallucinations. It should be no surprise that with everything else above, I also had extreme paranoia that led to me having very bad insomnia. Insomnia is, just like most other medical disorders like Depression, Self-harm, Anxiety, OCD,  Bipolarism, is romanticized to hell. Insomnia isn’t having one nights bad sleep where you got 5 hours of sleep instead of 8.

You know what Insomnia is? insomnia is being physical incapable of sleeping despite not sleeping in 2 to 3 day while your body suffers massive agony brought on by this. Muscle spasms and seizing, difficulty breathing, your eyes feeling like fire ants are eating them, and of course visual and auditory hallucinations. Now I already had issues with visual and auditory hallucinations even when I could get sleep regularly but the combined effects of my OCD and Bipolarism made this perfect condition of Insomnia, Anxiety, Paranoia, with the already added in disposition to hallucinations and I felt like I was actually losing my mind. 

My hallucinations presented themselves in three forms. Disassociation of reality, night terrors, or alterations of reality. Disassociation of reality often were complete black out moments. I would lose any perceived connect to reality and enter an episode of my mind. I can’t remember what they actually were but I do remember what it felt like. Cold sweats, anxiety to point where if I didn’t lock up I would vomit, actual physical pain, mind numbing fear, and intense fatigue. 

The second were night terrors often in the form of horrific “things.” I do remember these and most of them were as best as I could describe, forms of things that were vaguely human and formations of industrial machinery. The most vivid one I remember was of a long lengthy apparition that was for the most part human but many locations of it’s impossible physiology were rebar beams and mechanical sockets. It began when I was about to fall asleep and it was next to my window. The thing was making week groaning and gasping sounds before it violently slammed against my window breaking it then letting out a horrific howl that I can’t describe as it tossed itself out followed shorty after with the sound of bones breaking against the dirt. 

Now that might not seem so bad, exspecally with everything that is in horror movies or games now, but keep in mind that was fucking real to me. It was as real as the clicking of the keys of my keyboard as I’m writing this. As real as the chair I’m sitting in and as real as the wall in front of me. As far as my mind was concerned that thing, what ever it was, actually existed. It took me physical touching my window to make sure it wasn’t actually broken and checking outside to see if there wasn’t a body there. This isn’t the type of thing I talk about lightly. 

Finally there is the alteration of reality. This is very simply but it’s something that fucked with me hard. For very little meaning or warning, I would have trouble interpreting the world around me. My hearing and sight would be warped and there wasn’t any real way to tell what I was hearing or seeing was real or not until the episode was over. The way I got through these was the ultimate fake it till you make it. Obviously, very often I failed and this created issue in my schooling. 

Ending Message: I’ve been in a very bad state for a while now and as it is now, no signs of getting better. I also strongly believe my medications are being to fail me which I’ve been telling my doctor and therapist for over a year now but nothing’s been done. Mainly it’s my Depression but insomnia episodes are beginning and my own paranoia been on the rise. It’s gotten to the point where I can’t even look at a creepy image or thumbnail without having a very bad episode. 

I’ve managed to eat something today which was nice but my body is cramping hard. And to possible stave of a possible comment, I’m biologically male. Like I said I’m not in the best head space, or living for that matter. If this gets better, only time will tell. 

[deeeelightfuldee]

Are you mad at your best friend right now? I haven’t a clue how to answer this. I’m really not close to Kile now. my other friends I’m not mad at.

Do you know anybody with a pet snake? ugh. yeah. I would never ever ever go to their house.

Do you buy your underwear in a pack or seperately? depends on where I buy the underwear. I’m tryin to replace all the ones I was gifted so it just depends.

Have you ever made fun of anybody and later became their friend? lol nathan i would rag on him only to his face, never behind his back. 

Is the lamp on in the room you're in? no. I have like twinkle lights on and a candle on.

Do you have a pair of shoes that you can only wear with one or two outfits? to be entirely honest I have to purge my shoes 

Is there any drink that you absolutely MUST drink cold? water, water, water

Did you sleep in past noon today? no. I typically sleep like 3-4 hours. Right now tho I take sleeping pills to try and let my body recover and i seldom do so until like after 1-2 am

Did your grandma ever tell you about her love life? once and she thinks its whats made her so bitter.

Have you ever painted anybody's nails aside from your own? yep. used to always paint my friends nails

Anything exciting happening in the month of September? moms bday! i love that!!!!

Who is your last missed call from? umm, honestly no idea. I’d have to look 

When was the last time you ate Frosted Flakes? man its been a hot minute

Did you ever NOT want a substitute in a certain class? never really had one 

Do you ever donate to the less fortunate? yes

Did you buy an American flag after 9/11 to put on your car/house/ whatever? Personally I did not because I did not have money I was a child, but my family had flags all over

Do you know any songs that are older than you are? of course

Are there framed pictures of you anywhere in your house? Yep. plenty. we like pictures here.

Compared to other people of your age would you be considered 'NORMAL'? normal? what is that even like 

Honestly, do you have any Hilary Duff on your MP3 player? I don’t have an mp3 but of course I have her on my spotify

Who is worst in your family about calling people back? MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. I hate phone calls unless its like mom or kile or someone I’m like into to lol

Do you like peanut M&M's? yes

When was the last time you had an ice cream sandwich? a long time. that was never really my thing but shoot now i want one

When was the last time you ate jelly beans? yikes a long time ago

When was the last time you had hot chocolate? last winter and I CANT WAIT for some now

Have you ever caught a friend cheating on their bf/gf? yeah

What was the last song stuck in your head? lol a song kara was singing

Do you enjoy doing math? I truly despise it.

Do you think your mom has secrets she’s never told you? not many. she knows I know her well

Do you own anything you don’t want your parents to know about? probably yeah

Do you pose in your pictures or just smile? both! definitely

Are there any colors you will NOT wear? the really like nude colored tshirts or like yellows/golds look rough on me I think.

Do you use scented soap in the shower? yep!

Did you ever want to be a fashion designer? no, not that I can recall. not my thing

Who was the last person you danced with? Enjoyable? my nephew lol of course it was enjoyable

Do you like convertibles? yes of course but I don’t want one every day cus of the sun damage 

Have you ever yelled at the television? plenty of times lol

How many songs on your MP3 player are about sex? who has mp3′s anymore. my spotify playlist has plenty of sex songs lol

Do you like water parks? they kinda freak me out

Dark or light colored jeans? dark

Can you take apart a computer and name all the parts? nope. def not

Can you take apart a car and name all the parts? um no but some of it

Would your friends describe you as nerdy? yes lol

How many different colors are you wearing right now? im just in a tshirt and panties at the moment. so pink and blue

Have you ever purchased a lotto ticket? yes

Are you double-jointed anywhere? nope

What is the longest amount of time you've spent playing Monopoly? a couple hours I think

Have you ever witnessed a tornado first-hand? yes but i wasn’t aware of it at the time 

Did you play in the sand box as a kid? my dad would have lost his mind. I really only ever did that at my friends house but her family let them put like gross stuff in the sandbox and i was pretty grossed out by it

How about on the monkey bars? I did like those

Have you ever made an alarm go off? probably yes

Have you ever colored your eyebrows? yup. my brows are naturally SUPER blonde. nothing wrong with that, i just prefer a darker brow

Did you ever own a pop-up book? yes

Have you ever honked at a biker? i am not sure, I doubt it. I seldom honk

Have you ever taken another person's prescribed medication? once a muscle relaxer cus my mom was like seriously you need this lol

Have you ever played golf (not miniature golf)? I mean like top golf and the driving range but not like a genuine 18 holes or anything

Do you use gel in your hair? not usually but I am curious to do so

Do you own a garden gnome? def not. kinda creepy

Are any of the rooms in your house painted blue? yes

Do you kick off your shoes as soon as you walk in the door? usually yes and then I switch to my slippers

Have you ever judged a book by its cover? oh im sure

What is the most effective device at the gym? I dont go to the gym

Can you drive a stick shift? I used to be able to but I wouldn’t trust it now

Have you ever picked on a substitute teacher? definitely not

How good are you at giving directions? I’m not always great at recalling street names but I’m very good at giving landmarks and general ideas of how far and such.

When was the last time you looked out the window nearest you? last week sometime. I keep them covered up because its too hot with sunshine in this room so all summer long I like to keep it cool

Have you ever got dressed with the windows open? absolutely. but it would be extremely hard for anyone to see into my room. not like i’d care

Have you ever given a foot massage? i dont like getting touched like that

Do public restrooms freak you out? not freak me out no, but i dont love it

Have you ever taken a shower outside? not that I can think of. I can’t imagine where I would have

Have you ever been to a junkyard? yes. my dad was a garbage-man for a long time so I was familiar

What do you think of Brad Pitt? no real opinion

Have you ever watched the History Channel willingly? yeah.. ehhh, maybe?

Have you ever used pennies to pay for something that cost over 50 cents? HA yes to my siblings 

If a place makes you pay for delivery - do you still tip the driver? yes

Without the aid of a cell phone - do you know your parents numbers by heart? yes. I have no reason to know my dads but its the same number hes had since I was a kid

Is your bedroom carpeted? no. I do have a rug down, but no not a carpet

Right now, what color is your tongue? pink?

When was the last time you had a Tootsie Pop? probably years ago

If you could get the cell phone of your choice - what would it be? i love my phone. this is like my dream phone. I’ll have to consider getting rid of it cus its kiles line but ugh. that stresses me out

Who is your favorite super hero? no real preference

How about your favorite villain? --

Do you know anybody who works at a bank? yepppppp i do

What do you usually order from your favorite fast food place? a chicken sammich on gf pita omfg its so good

Do you hand out candy to kids on Halloween? yeah mom is usually working so its me. I usually bake cookies and watch Christmas movies lol. but this year I have a broken oven

What perfume/cologne do you wear the most? right now very sexy nights

Can you name all 7 dwarfs? i always seem to miss like 2

Does the early bird really catch the worm? I think usually yes

[misterbitches]

i want you to watch king the eternal monarch ( it's a het couple between a cop and a king ) just to see your essay about how the real good ending would be the end of the monarchy and the police department ❤❤ where's our revolution bro??

i am so so so so so so so so so so so so sorry for this and how long it is. out of myf rustrations with south korea and all this shit i really have an affinity to old korean history i think bc of dramas lmao

omg my first anon :O (well i have one very mean anon b4 this, but that’s ok)

i hate to say this bc usually i am very open to suggestions (and thank you, if you think i would like anything else i am totally open to suggestions and trying i promise)

however...i....don’t like kim eun sook (at all), or lee min ho (at all), not a huge fan of go eun. i LOOOOOOOVE jung eun chae—her acting and her face—and i think like many women who like men...or anyone...who does....woo do hwan O>O but he never does anything i am interested innnnn or if he does i find it my boring

did you watch my country? i had a serious problem with the decision-making in that show but the long hair and the excessively lonely and strange romance he had with that one dude was sort of enough crumbs. i also learned a lot more about joseon and the ....what were those things called fuck the like fucked up shit bang yi won did...the purges? BRO IDK ANYWAY so minor knowledge of sk history here...

THEREFORE!!! i love that you bring up “end of the monarchy” because i have seen a few sageuks and while korean history is gorgeous and interesting...every single one having to do with the “old country” and/or present-day monarchs (or like live up to your name where he comes 2 the future....i have seen a lot of kdramas anon lmao) they NEVER EVER EVER EVER E V E R have the lack of a monarch a solution. 

one of my favs is nokdu flower and i fucking loved that show but the way shows depict the peasant revolution...which wouldn’t have succeeded anyway, i’m sure, doesn’t mean the effort wasn’t something that had to be done. and i think a part of this revolution had seen the end as like monarchs doing better? but then again the clan that started it had their own philosophies. (did you know 100 yrs earlier the first and last literal slave revolt was put into place? if you don’t know much about the haitian revolution you should read up a bit. it’s fascinating how history can repeat itself in strife. this is the only successful one tho but having that history could be a blueprint)

i digress.... the way revolution is kind of characterized and interpreted now is always in context of “reforming” the monarch and powers that be.

reading about goryeo to joseon and then the monarchy of joseon is really unfortunate to me because it’s the age old adage. they like to say: it was the PEOPLE not the EXISTENCE of monarchy that was the problem. same with chaebols and capitalism (and cops.)

it’s wild to me that there was er, for the time/in asia, “decent” rights for women that were then revoked as the years went by. doesnt that show us what can’t be done?  obviously sejong’s hangeul is like one of the best things a leader could ever do but....

(and just like ACA was like something hUUUUUGE that obama did. effective politicians who did fucking major shit i suppose but...so much strife...and the way they are both depicted will always be as like “the best” because that’s the best we have and/or could imagine)

also fuck all cops u right. i dont think i could see  a prominent SK drama ever really depicting the cops poorly...tbh any drama...we have so much copaganda in the US lol i can’t imagine that :/ 

i was also talking to a friend of mine who is korean and they were like there was no transition period before the occupation so i think that counts for something (as in monarch - monarch - occupation) so going back to the “old”korea... pre-occupation, no american “intervention”, unification, and no state actors that want to punish the people isn’t a solution either. i’d argue that it’s pretty much the case for most of our countries and that leads us to....

in general...can we develop a world in which monarchy and policing arent the answer? the idea of an “eternal” monarch omfg and it’s so aptriarchal and oppressive. just because something is tradition doesn’t mean it’s right.

u didnt ask for this lmao yet here i am. again ty for the suggestion and even wanting to hear my thoughts. i try not to turn people down. rly it’s kim eun sook (shakes fist) and i really wish i could stomach mr sunshine (but i also hate LBH...so...)

literally anyone can come in2 my mentions talmbout revolution bro i’m (stomps foot) there

[foolgobi65]

finn, the last son of krypton

so theres this photo set for a superman au where finn is clark and rey is lois and i cant stop thinking about it so heres kind of a bare bones (still too fucking long) way of how it could work out. this is like ... part one.. because its too fucking long and strange and its 3:30 am 

first, since its got aliens and i needed a way to give luke the ~legend~ status he’s got in canon, i figured he could have telekinesis 

maybe there’s a mutation, and some humans develop powers. anakin skywalker is turned by senator palpatine, who seizes power in a coup, turns public opinion against mutants and uses darth vader to purge anyone with powers

there is no empire, really. there is a State of Emergency, and certain aspects of the constitution are rewritten. term limits, are taken out. 

luke and leia are born and split apart. bail organa is a senator from washington maybe, raises leia who can feel people’s emotional state (useful, for when she becomes a spy and later general of the underground resistance. until luke tells her, she thinks its just intuition) 

luke is a fighter pilot, whose big victory is when he gets in a (smuggled) plane and shoots down a nuclear bomb right before it hits san francisco

they say he saved a million lives that day, and so he can’t understand how he could have failed ben. how all that power couldnt save his students when he most needed it. 

han solo is still a smuggler, but since there never really is a war, he just ends up aiding the shadowy rebellion. 

leia runs for congress, then for senate, taking her father’s old seat. sometimes, she misses the rebellion 

she declines to run for reelection when the first order starts making some noise. she is appointed director of the cia. 

which brings us to the first order! people who are still afraid of mutants and what their freedom might mean, an extremist organization driven underground that is seeking to make its ugly return

there’s an underground bunker full of scientists trying to figure out how to self induce the mutations, in order to create an army of complacent, superpowered warriors to protect them and attack their enemies. 

so, now that that’s out of the way, imagine a universe where the last son of krypton doesn’t crash in smallville, where he isn’t taken in by the kents. 

where maybe he crashes outside that first order bunker, and two scientists come out and find a spaceship, and a child inside

they look at each other and once theyve gone past their first thought (aliens!!) they wonder at his genetic code

the first order runs tests, but they don’t see evidence of the normal superpower mutations. in fact, the alien child seems to be fairly weak compared to normal human children of the same age

(always knew we were strongest, they mutter, smirking.) 

the first two scientists, who happen to be married and like the look of the baby’s face decide to keep it (him). to raise him, because they didn’t think they could ever have children of their own

it’s all fun and games until he turns 10

at age 10, the boy who was once kal-el begins to develop powers beyond imagine. 

one day he can see through bodies, trees, buildings. another, he can hear the bees buzzing in a field five miles away. he tears the car door off its hinges

his previously “loving” parents, freak the fuck out. 

immediately, he’s taken to the underground bunker that before he had only known of as his parents’ workplace. he is tied up and tested on

he is more powerful than any mutant, and he has been allowed to grow up as an individual for too long to be controlled.

they try their best anyways. 

his parents tell him he’s disgusting, that he’s terrifying, that he’s a monster. they tell him he is unworthy of love. 

at some point they realize that he needs the sun, and so they take it away. he spends the rest of his time with the first order inside the bunker where they test him, torture him, break him. 

he grows to be afraid of what he can do, believe that he is too powerful to exist. that he should be dead, but continues to breathe only due to the benevolence of the first order

(they’re trying to crack his genetics again, and use the information in the spaceship he arrived in. they can’t understand kryptonian, so its slow going.) 

years later, commander poe dameron, intelligence operative and get away driver extraordinaire sneaks into the bunker trying to figure out what they’re doing, is captured but somehow escapes with the person the first order brands as FN-2187 (only people get to have names) 

anyways they escape in a dumpy ass truck, and when poe asks his new buddy what his name is, he replies “i dont know” 

he carefully doesnt think about how his parents once called him clark. he doesn’t get to be clark 

“imma call you finn, then” finn smiles. 

eventually, they stop at a safe spot and poe asks finn if he’ll come with him. finn, who doesn’t know anything except that he is a weapon, doomed to destroy all good things, says no

(poe is the first good thing he’s known since Before) 

he runs. 

finn has a 5th grade education, but Before, he used to be sickly and spent a lot of time in the library. he walks into one and begins to read. 

for a few months, this is all he does -- somehow the powers have affected his cognition so he can read and understand more and better than anyone in the world. he befriends the local librarian, who thinks he dropped out of school young and wants to help get him back on track

she shows him the nearest homeless shelter, which is where he sleeps. she brings him two meals a day that they eat together as she helps him learn math and science and history and literature 

behind his back, she informs someone about this genius, troubled boy she knows, and when someone comes to the library and tells finn that he’s special, he runs again

this time, he decides to run to mexico, because he wants to learn more. he works and lives and learns, and without knowing or understanding he grows strong. one day, he makes a mistake and misjudges his strength, revealing himself. he runs again

over time finn begins to learn control, mainly because he’s so afraid. he travels from place to place and realizes how Good people are, how dangerous he could be to them. he falls in love for the first time, with humanity. he lives in the anxiety that one day he might accidentally become the monster the first order insisted he was. 

eventually, he gains enough control that he realizes he could use his abilities to help, even though he knows he shouldn’t. even if he didn’t hurt anyone, finn knows that they would only react in disgust, anyways. 

he whispers this to himself everyday, that he can’t he shouldn’t he wont, but in the end, he does. he helps, and then he runs (again and again) 

at some point, he learns to fly. it becomes the only one of his powers that he enjoys, that isn’t touched by the fear.

(its FLYING) 

but at the same time, he learns -- he lives, and smiles and loves but most importantly, he listens. finn’s got a way about him that make people want to open up, and so they do. people tell him their stories while he sits on their stoops, and he begins to write them down because he wants to remember. he keeps a journal. 

one of these stories is so fantastic that he sends his write up to a local newspaper, just so someone can please interview indira she’s so freaking amazing and he wants everyone to know!

instead, they ask finn if he’ll just do it himself. finn begins freelance reporting, talking to people in the places he runs to and sending write ups to the local english language paper. he falls in love a second time, now with his chosen profession. 

someone, somewhere tells finn to find home. that he needs to stop running and set up roots. they tell him to find a big city with lots of people he can write about and stay. to try, at least. 

finn, skeptical, agrees, but only because yakov glared really hard and said he wanted weekly postcards and expected them from the same location for at least 6 months. 

finn doesnt know why this was effective, only that it was. yakov’s 15 grandchildren do. 

so finn decides to maybe stop running, and figures metropolis is as good as any place to try. he sends his portfolio to the daily planet because that was one of the newspapers he used to read in that library After. its one of the papers he’s kept up with over all these years.  

on his first day he bumps into daily planet star reporter rey, a known crusader for justice and one time winner of the pulitzer prize. 

she’s partnered with him for his first story and doesn’t like it until they clear their first scrape. it’s only when she decides to trust him that she smiles

and when she smiles, finn feels something weird, a type of warmth even greater than that first moment he soaked in the sun’s rays. 

this, he realizes later, is the beginning of how he falls in love a third time. 

at the time, its the moment he decides to stay. 

[paperbackwritersblog]

The physical manifestation of a

Psychological struggle!

Over the last week and a half I have had what feels like a lump in my throat, not metaphorically!! It actually feels like there is something in my throat! It does not hurt, nor does it feel like a swollen gland. Yet it is very real and very much there! I can feel when I swallow, which I now either do more than I ever have or I am just more aware than ever before, the latter far more likely.

It took me a little while to figure out for myself why this has happened, I know my body well and my mind also, so the linking of the lump and the events leading up to its arrival wasnt that difficult!

I couple of day before the lump appeared, I popped to see my mum and her husband for the first time since the Covid19 lockdown begun, what occurred is no doubt the reason I am now describing him as my mums husband where as before he would have been called my step dad!!

I knew that he would have something to say, as at the beginning of the lock down I visited friends as it was my 40th birthday and he had already been vocal in the background during a phone call to my mum. I knew him well enough to know he wouldnt have let it go in that 8 weeks and would have to taint the occasion and this much I was prepared for!

With the look of displeasure I am accustomed to, he then proceeded to unload his opinion!! Which I have to say I was completely unprepared for, he stated his opinion of me as a father , which he based on fake news and misinformation he had about government regulations! He then stated that I had not shown any consideration or care for him and my mum! This was despite the fact I called my mum twice a week to ask if they were both ok, because I hadnt actually said specifically “do you need shopping” and then compared me to my younger sister who had spent the last 2 years telling everyone who would listen what a pair of nasty people my parents were and now because she is reaping what she has sewed so to speak, she has been used in comparison to me.

This was all thrown at me rather quickly, I was taken completely off guard and left me quiet, seething, gobsmacked!

I couldnt sleep right for days and havent been sleeping right since, along with the lump in my throat and a purge of energy the moment anyone has asked me about the situation. It has even been shared with people not asking! Such is my desperate need to regurgitate the bullshit he has tried to make me swallow!

To him, he is just doing what he has always done and always been allowed to do. He has no idea the consequences of his latest outburst nor the long term effects it has had on the relationship, nor do I think he cares truth be told. There are events, moments in our lives where the growns ups we have looked up to become unmasked to be as human and flawed as the rest of us. And in this case it has revealed more than just a flawed human. It has revealed a very hypocritical, homophobic, racist uneducated man. It has even revealed very true and very real weaknesses that have always been disguised as strength.

I had never really put much thought before into the fact that he has never apologised before, nor does he ever admit to being wrong! Only at this stage in my life do I recognise through my own life experience that personal growth is achieved through being honest about mistakes we make in life and working to rectify, being honest with ourselves that we dont know everything and that our version of right and wrong is only our version and only applies to us based on the life we have experienced through our own looking glass. With that knowledge an understanding that this man has not grown since the 1960s if ever!! And understand that talking to him until the cows come about this would not achieve anything but frustration, the kind felt when repeating ourselves to children that do not listen.

I then felt empathy and sorrow in equal measure, the empathy showed me he is trapped within the self imposed prison of self, something he will have no comprehension of, and sorrow for the same reason.

It also shattered a small part of my world and that was the part where I struggled. I had elevated this man for a very long time, in essence he was the last bastion of fatherhood I had left. At a time in my life where nothing was calm he represented something like an anchor, a point of no change, a place of total routine and organisation. So I can see entirely why he was elevated this way, especially when comparisons are drawn with other father figures I looked up to in my life.

However in doing so I gave away far to much power and this is why his words, despite being so very untrue when attached to reality, hurt so much. I had given him too much power, his opinion had to much sway and with no substance to back it. This man is a fantastic example of how too be good with money, that much is for sure, he was very maticulous with every penny, nothing left unaccounted for, endowments set up for future days, savings for rainy days etc.

But this was not something I have been taught nor learned from him, not something he ever showed me, just something I held in high regard because no other person in my life at that time had control over anything.

And this is where things have crumbled around me for this example gives me nothing and when given the freedom to throw his opinions on my lifestyle choices it has effected me in ways I couldnt have predicted. I have to be honest and break down the behavior in order to understand it and seperate it from myself. Because when things have been constant in our world view and they shatter, they are often at the foundation of our thinking and can therefore unsettle the ground we stand upon now, unravelling the past changes the view of the present, things seen cannot be unseen.

So as I work through this issue, I am mindful to not attack nor put down the man. After many days of thinking bad things, bad names to associate to him, I must remember the lessons I apply to myself apply to everyone. He is not intentionally spiteful, self rightous. He has never been put in his place in his life, never had to evaluate his thinking and has worked very hard to ensure the world around him fits in with his world view, and even this is not something he is aware of. I have always said that you wouldnt be angry if a french person didnt understand british words and the same applies here.

His world view is from a single angle, he even believes every word of the BBC as gospel, in trying to show him things from my angle in the way I work hard to see things from his will only make me ill and stress me further.

The lump will go down, in time along with my need to be heard. In the words of Carl Jung.....

Thinking is difficult, so most people judge........

E.Plaistow

[trendyelle]

What To Eat For Clear Skin& What Foods Will Wreak Havoc On Your Face

If youre anything like me, someone who is a grow adult considers their body like a trashcan, then you recognize the daily skirmish that is doing whatever the fuck you crave while at the same time wanting to have a great torso and enormous scalp. Lifes hard whether it wishes to get fucked up at Heads Ball but also ogle 100 years old in your Instagram story. Not that I would know. I did not going to see Gov Ball, though I did waste the weekend going through mimosas like water and feeing enough food to get me my own TLC reality show. That being said, I want to change. I want to be a new me. A better me. A me who throws actual vitamins and minerals into her structure so her skin doesnt resemble the entire slice of pizza she chewed last-place nighttime. So heres a index of nutrients you are able to evade like an ex-boyfriend slipping into your DMs and foods you should cuddle because theyll determine your fucking heads. Damn, Ive went bars. DONT: Feed Canned Food/ Meats Gross. As if. Like, who even devours canned meat anymore? Other than my ex from college who had this weird obsession with eating vienna sausages( which, in hindsight, should have been a ruby-red fucking pennant that this boy was a sociopath. That and his Belk credit card that he was always boasting about ). Canned and/ or highly processed foods have a shit ton of sodium in their own homes and effects your form to hold on to liquid, which is why your appearance is always puffy or you have pouched under your eyes that can be seen from cavity, and your acne is at World War III proportions. DO: Eat Salmon Aside from giving you a reason to pretend to be a foodie and likewise be obnoxious on Instagram, ingesting salmon is a sure route to get better looking surface. Salmon is rich with omega-3 fatty battery-acids and healthy fats. These fats strengthen cadre tissues and nourish the scalp to hinder you looking fresh AF. DONT: Drink Green Juice Lol precisely because you routinely say shit like #FitLife and #CleanEating on your IG does not mean you know wtf is good for you, because SURPRISE all those juices youre boozing to purge your person are actually really fucking bad for you. Juices are sugary as hell, especially the green juices which can have up to 50 grams of sugar in them, which is actual destruction when it is necessary to having clear scalp. ^ I reckon every fitstagrammer when the catch out they’ve been spouting liquid carbohydrate into their tabernacles bodies DO: Suck A Protein Smoothie Aside from having something to talk about with the red-hot coach at your gym, protein smoothies can actually be beneficial for your scalp. The more you know. Bide away from the juicer smoothies and opt for one with some protein in it. These the different types of smoothies are high in healthy fats and wont leave your skin appearing more ratchet than your Snap story last weekend. DONT: Eat Ice Cream Okay, this one I realized coming. Good-for-nothing that savor this good can be anything but sabotage on your person. And since Im not on my span rn in control of my mas I predict Im open to suggestions here. Ice cream is chock-full of sugar which can chassis this fun situation called advanced glycation end products which fucks up the protein in your torso. Why is that important you may ask? Because the proteins it fucks with the most are the ones that keep your skin plump and springy ogling. So basically ingesting ice cream is age you.* steps into oncoming traffic* DO: Eat Dark Chocolate Dark chocolate aka the DUD of chocolates has a fuck ton of antioxidants in it, which is v good for your surface. So although it is tastes healthy and the whole meter youll be caring you two are chewing real chocolate with real flavor at least your surface will appear good AF and be protected against wrinkles and other bad shit. DONT: Drink Coffee HA HA HA HA this has to be some sort of sick gag. You want me to give up my will to live caffeine? Do you also want me to commit homicide the next time person responds all to a department email series? DO YOU? This one is tough for me to wrap my mentality around because coffee is literally one of the only grounds I get out of bed in the morning, and therefore, the same reasons you get to experience this sparkling personality. That being said, coffee is a diuretic( imitation information Im sure !) which causes your organization to lose water and your skin to get v dehydrated. Stay away from this shit if you require glowy AF skin. DO: Drink Hot Lemon Water This replacement sounds about as good as the Republican plan for health care but thats neither here nor there. Even though future prospects of booze red-hot lemon water know it sounds as seducing as sleeping with Jonathan The Tickle Monster, its actually super good for you. Its hydrating, full of antioxidants, and pays some very much support to your liver. Apparently, the liver is the main organ that detoxifies the body and if youre full of toxins sucking on daytimes that point in Y, youre more likely to break out. Sighs. And this is why we cant have nice things. DONT: Eat Bagels Okay, Im starting to feel personally was well received by such lists. Like, is person looking at my bank explanation and be careful to ensure that I expend a great amount of my down time in coffee shop and/ or bagel browses? Because Im find truly attacked rn. Apparently, bagels are the worst for your scalp and can lead to a cascade of hormones aka acne breakouts for daytimes.* prays this is imitation word* DO: Eat Non-Processed Carbs or Oats Tbh Id instead starve than eat something that resembles animal feed but I guess thats the rate we pay to look like the “after” girl in an acne commercial. Oats are the right various kinds of carbs probs because it appears miserable to eat and too because its high in antioxidants which weve built will not only give you clear/ glowy skin but likewise campaigns against anti-aging. DONT: Drink Soda To utterly no ones astound except my own because I refuse to read labels written by health professionals people who are out to destroy my pleasure, soda is bad for you. And simply because you booze diet soda doesnt mean youre safe. Because diet soda specially disrupts the necessary and healthy bacteria found in your bowel. Likewise boozing any sort of soda can really fuck with your scalp. Like, crusade rosacea, eczema, and acne fuck with your scalp. K. Just fuck me up rn then. Too, wtf am I supposed to order at the bar to go along with my vodka then? I cant simply suck vodka straight-from-the-shoulder. I want to have clearer surface , not expire. DO: Drink Kombucha Finally something that ogles good on my Instagram story and isnt going to fuck up my skin. About damn era. Basically Kombucha is good for you because its fermented, and therefore full of probiotics, which will solve all their own lives difficulties. Im paraphrasing, but still. If you miss clear scalp by the time this weekend’s brunch wheels around then chug some of this and feign like its alcohol something you enjoy drinking. So, in conclusion, anything that brings you joyfulnes is possibly fucking up your scalp and you should cut it from your diet ASAP. I am feeling #blessed rn that alcohol did not acquire the register, but thats mostly because I refused to do any actual research that would attest otherwise. Who says you cant establish your own fate? Listen, if all else fails and you have no self ensure dont wishes to relinquish your happiness theres ever Facetune. Read more: www.betches.com http://selfhelpantiagingtips.com/what-to-eat-for-clear-skin-what-foods-will-wreak-havoc-on-your-face-9/

[lernaean-regrets]

That one time Cato stole a chicken

As a full grown man who was a mere 5’8 in height people tended looked down on Cato both figuratively and literally.

It was a pretty good blessing overall. Nobody suspects that short guy to be an incredibly dangerous assassin whose been to the very best training school in the world and was personally tutored by the devil himself.

But at times like these it was a real disadvantage. He jumped up and down across the crowd to get a glimpse of the attraction, like some kind of strange, blue, reptilian jack rabbit.

The Vytal festival was in full swing now. Kiosks, stalls, barbecues, jugglers, you name it, this festival had it. Of course the main attraction was the huge battle tournament held near its conclusion but there was plenty of stuff to check out before hand. Luckily Vale attracted a ton of people this time of year so he was free to roam around however he pleased.

Finally gaining a spot in the front he observed the attraction. It was some type of science experiment. Students from Atlas from the looks of their pale uniform.

“Come around!” One tall male student spoke out. “Watch the newest innovation in defense!” They went on explain their project.

They talked about how they were infusing dust into animals. Giving them unique abilities and sending them out against the Grimm. “Monster Vs Monster!” they shouted jovially.

This…was disgusting. Nothing less then live inhuman experimentation. It left a bad taste in Cato’s mouth.

And then he heard the noise, he didn’t know how he didn’t smell them before but their loud clucking gave them away.

Right next to him was pen with four plump chickens. Each one had strange tattoo’s over their wings and bodies.

“Clear the way and we shall show you the fruits of our research!” and they took two of the large avians out of their designated zone.

Almost immediately as they set them down the two took off at mach speeds at each other. The battle was…surprisingly intense for a bunch of birds fighting. Fire and lighting cackled around them as they fought. It was quite a show and many members of the audience cheered as they landed blows against each other.

That being said he couldn’t really focus on it because….one of the hens was staring at him with pleading eyes.

He wasn’t sure which distressed him more; the hen looking at the faunus to save her or the fact that Cato somehow recognized that the hen had a pleading expression….

What was the bird expecting him to do? Make a big distraction, destroy the stand and run off with the chicken?

Because that’s EXACTLY what Cato did. “Oh my god is that a Creature of Grimm??” he shouted as loud as possible across the crowd.

The effect had even stronger reaction then anticipated. Probably due the recent attack on Vale the bystanders completely freaked out. Not knowing where the threat was they ran into random directions and collided with each other in a frantic act of trying to escape from the non-existent threat.

Not waiting for them to calm down he “accidentally” smashed a couple of vials of dust. Now admittedly Cato had very limited understanding of Dust. Even back when he was a student he barely passed Dust Chemistry and thats by doing a metric ton of make up work.

So he was bit nervous when nothing for a good few seconds but those feeling were quickly purged along with entire stand with raging out of control flames.

Not wasting any time to observe the madness he caused the blue haired man dived down to the pen and grasped the hen.

With no destination in mind he just ran in some random direction. Amazing. Cato thought. In just under ten minutes he had incited a massive panic, committed arson and even kidnapped an animal.

His legs took him as far as he could go and that was pretty damn far. At long last the bird and viper found themselves at the agricultural district of Vale.

This was perfect. Nobody would bat their eye to see a chicken or two wondering around here. Gently he bent down placing the hen on the ground where it belong. “Welp, this looks like the end of the line my feathery friend. You should be fine around here. Take care, dont get any to fights!” giving a smirk and wink he bid his goodbyes and took off in the direction of the industrial district.  

Such a shame. Tucking his hands into his pockets he lamented the day that could of been. There was still so much to do, see and eat but now he would have to lay low for a….

Halting his thought process Cato came to a full stop. With a small turn of his head peered behind. There stood the same hen. She had been following him the entire time.

“…Shoo. Begone. Get out of here.” the faunus urged but the hen remained firmly in place. And so for the next 20 minutes or so Cato the incredibly dangerous assassin of Hydra, someone who was considered to be a top member of the White Fang, a man who was wanted in all four kingdoms for one reason or another tried in vain to lose the oversized bird.

He tried outrunning it, he tried scaling a building and going roof by roof, he tried submerging himself in water and waiting for the damn hell bird to give up. But no matter what he did the bird was ever-present and his only success was making himself wet and tired.

“What do you WANT?” a very tired and confused Cato shouted at the chicken.

No answer was given.

“You want money? Food? DO YOU WANT TO STAY WITH ME OR SOMETHING?”

A chirp. For the first time the hen spoke.

“….huh?” he was even more confused then before. How would that even work? He had never owned a pet before in his entire life. But the former experiential subject trotted just a little bit closer to him. Its wood colored eyes showed great defiance.

“Fine…” with a sigh he accepted his fate and in response a happy sounding squawk rang out from the grounded bird.

With a wry smile that accepted his fate Cato picked up the hen which would now be under his care. .

“I guess ill need a name then, how about Nugget?” surprisingly the bird didn’t voice any objections. With a large satisfied smile Cato rejoiced in his small victory.

“Alright Nugget, lets show you my apartment” and with his new roommate in hand the uncanny bush viper returned to Vale.

[irregodless]

so i just finished virtues last reward and im kinda angry because now life is strange kinda makes sense

DISCLAIMER: so its been like.... what.... two or three years since i even watched someone play it? im going off of what i remember which means POSSIBLY i didnt remember an explanation or didnt pay proper attention to it, so be warned

DISCLAIMERx2 COMBO!!!: this is probably some old ass news but even in the height of its popularity i kinda came into the story late and even then i wasnt crazy about it. it was good. i really enjoyed it. but it was easier for me to kind of passively mock it for having bullshitty trumped up time logic. the reason for this AND FOR MY FIRST DISCLAIMER MOSTLY is because the game doesnt really explain it to you or why anythings happening. which is fair i guess. max isnt really a time travel geek or a scientist and short of having mr “time guardian” come out and exposition dump there wasnt much to do. maybe if warren was our protag he wouldve figured it out but i cant really blame max for NOT. especially since it was reality for her. to us we can examine it objectively and understand the rules governing it as we observe the limitations. i mean for all she knew she couldve gone back in time three times and it be over and she could never do it again ever

for my explanation ill be referencing 999 and its sequel zero escape virtue’s last reward as well as homestuck (because for all intents and purposes it makes intelligent use of time travel and with colloquialisms that make it sort of easier to digest than just abstract names.) naturally some spoilers may apply to all three as well as life is strange (obviously)

if you boil the story of life is strange to its most core element, itll start to make sense. life is strange in its simplest form is this: “max caulfield solves a murder/kidnapping mystery.” everything else that happens is just kind of extra or a direct component to that outcome.

i would often complain about how max could get mr jefferson arrested and save kate with her time travelly powers but not chloe when she couldnt have done anything about those things without her power either. i was under the assumption that her abilities were an anomaly and the universe was trying to fix itself by voiding out her effects on the timeline (ie saving chloe). but in retrospect thats kind of really dumb!! why make a story where the protagonist can travel through time but then have the story ultimately be about the universe trying to make it so that everything was the same as before??? it’s silly!! so heres the thing: it was not about that. it was about max getting the information she needed to ultimately solve the mystery (and save kate i guess. im not sure how contingent her survival was to the timeline being “alpha” but if you want to say God or the Sentient Timespace Universe [”Skaia”] were in control of the outcomes and thus dictating maxs actions mayb u could say They wanted to reward kate for being such a devout follower??? maybe her life or death was ultimately inconsequential to the outcome and it couldve gone on with or without her and max was just a good person and saved her. its hard to tell.)

in homestuck there are doomed timelines. timelines wherein something goes wrong that was NOT preordained by skaia (the self-aware universe, essentially, trying to maintain homeostasis in itself) or that directly cause a paradox. one example is davesprite. an action that causes a doomed timeline is john getting himself killed (with a little help from terezi) which leads to a strand where rose and dave are stranded in their game for months. dave then goes back along the timeline to the point that determined whether or not it became doomed. although incidentally, it was the act of him going back in time to stop john from killing himself that splintered the timeline between doomed and alpha (the right one)

thus the doomed timeline was necessary for the alpha timeline to be sustained. and thereafter it ceased to be. in other doomed timelines it either disappears entirely as with davesprites timeline, or everyone just DIES like in the one where vriska and gamzee collectively get everyone killed. it’s the price u pay for not playing the part the universe wrote for u

so in order for max to go along her story to figure out mr jefferson was.... who he was, she had to slip through doomed timelines. timelines that ultimately purged themselves if they went on too long by the means of the big storm. something similar happens in 999 where a certain character gets sick if the story goes in a direction that would lead to a paradox and cause them to not have existed. and if the timeline becomes too far gone, they vanish entirely. this is basically the role of the storm. its not to eradicate the stuff max had done with her powers because she “shouldnt have had them” but because that timeline shouldnt have BEEN to begin with! max was SUPPOSED to have her powers. whether it was all morphogenetic fieldy sciencey reasoning or if “skaia” gave them to her to solve this case, who knows, but its not really all that important.

i could probably explain some of this more easily by using the name of paradoxes, but i forgot most of the official names for them and my computers being kinda silly so i dont feel like taking the time to look them up srry

anyway

max alters the timeline by stopping chloe from dying. they then go on this great big adventure where chole is the ONLY person who could have possibly helped max unravel the mysteries. which i think is fair to say she was the ONLY person to be capable of it bc of her stepdad and her rebellious attitude!

so the two go on adventures and discover what i figured out within the first five minutes of story: MR JEFFERSONS A HORRIBLE PERSON

and chloe dies a bunch along the way because while shes needed to solve the mystery, shes STILL doomed. its like in final destination. you can run from death and avoid a few attempts on your life for a WHILE, but youre still slated for death and gonna die eventually. im not sure it was the universe trying to clear her out like an antibody so much as it was... she was just more susceptible to danger. it also could have been to make maxs powers stronger. the 999 series puts an emphasis on the psychic-y powers being strengthened and honed through LIFE THREATENING SCENARIOS

now in both 999 and vlr (i havent referenced the latter nearly as much as i thought i would!) the events of the games essentially unfold because certain characters figure out that... well... thats what happens!!! so they recreate the event so that it DOES happen so that they CAN have these abilities. they hone their abilities to see and interact through time so that they can avoid MAJOR DISASTERS and fix them, all the way establishing the very parameters that allow them to do so in the first place!

so small summary:

max gets the power to swap out her consciousness from a certain place on the timeline. she does so to save chloe (as a good person and for sentimental purposes) chloe proves to be the key to discovering the mystery behind the shady shit going down at the school she was still ultimately supposed to die though so she dies a bunch along the way because thats just what she does best by working alone doomed timelines where chloe is the only one who can help unearth the mysteries (and to be fair she deserved to be there too since it DID involve her ex-girlfriend) max finally discovers mr jefferson is basically straight up evil and can go back and use the information from her travels to bring him to justice chloes still supposed 2 die tho so shes either wiped out with the timeline by means of the storm that fucks up everyone elses life or she dies unceremoniously in the bathroom because one way or another: SHE WILL DIE max then uses the information to expose jefferson. its kinda weird but i guess paradoxically makes sense that the alpha timeline dictated that for life to progress properly, max had to just MAGICALLY know it was him. (maybe it meant to import me into the game so i couldve called him out as soon as i saw him. or maybe it was only one option. like kate living or not. max can expose him and save the day OR it can go on and be terrible. but that one doesnt have any justice in it so.....) kate lives and thats important? maybe?

basically it was not about trying to undo maxs “rulebreaking” powers

but it was about ENABLING them to do the job the universe/”skaia” (not that life is strange even.... HAS a skaia, but its easy for terminology) had planned for her. which was to fuck over jefferson HARD

the only problem is that to my memory the game never explains this is whats happening. and so when chloe dies youre like “wow nothing mattered.” but the game was never about saving chloe. it was always only ever about solving a kidnapping/murder mystery

it was ALWAYS about that

chloe was never going to stay alive. ever. the final choice was whether or not to return to the alpha timeline or not stay with her as an act of love and get wiped out along with the timeline

but the game doesnt explain this. or how the time travel powers came about or how they work or what they are AT ALL (from what i remember) so it all just seems convoluted and bullshitty

but in reality there IS something driving it. it only took me playing two other games to actually understand what that was.

which is why im not sure i can actually give the writers credit for it because i dont even know if THEY knew what was up or if they just made it up and it was just convenience i was able to apply meaning to it

the fact they (again as i remember) didnt address it in the game makes it really suspect though! and it makes it hard to support them as having done something intelligent. especially when it ended up with tons of players feeling cheated because it fell in line with popular “the illuion of choice telltale style” game lines. so when the final moment came it confused them because nothing informed them that it was ALWAYS a quest of futility and despite maxs emotions or feelings about it, it was never about saving chloe. she was only a tool to achieve the goal of outting jefferson

which i cant say i totally approve of from a general point of view! especially in light of “bury your gays.” but from a time travel-esque mechanic point of view.... yeah it makes sense....

but it doesnt really leave a good feeling. because max and by proxy the player were always under the misunderstanding they could save chloe when in reality they never could.

and the entire game was just. a quest of futility. (in that regard)

but we didnt know. to make it proper, the game shouldve let us into the secret. even if max didnt know and felt cheated at the end, the audience wouldnt feel the same. itd be dramatic irony. wed feel bad but wed know why it had to happen.

anyway, as the Old Woman says in virtues last reward:

“Death was always inevitable.“