#i dont think i even knew what tragedies are back then. instinctively i knew they must suffer for compelling literature.

[steevejr]

very funny realizing now, age 28, that im a tragedy enjoyer and suddenly remembering myself, age 10, reading my silly little fantasy novels and thinking 'ok but what if they DIED and SUFFERED forEVER'. like oh ok i see. ive always been like this actually.

[alstroemerian-dragon]

izuru is so interesting to me conceptually. like i know in canon he’s kind of nothing unfortunately. at least in game canon, he shows up right at the end, says some eugenics-y shit, voices hajimes intrusive thoughts, and then hes gone, but. the concept of him, as hajime, but with everything that made him Hajime Hinata stripped away and buried under so much conditioning and bullshit that he cant reach it, is so. its SO. yknow.

its the whole argument about what makes us the people we are, right? if you take a person, and then erase literally all the memories they have of their own identity, are they still that person? have you taken away everything that makes them Them and made them a completely different one? how does that change, and pardon the philosophical question, their soul?

and the thing about izuru is that you can not tell me the memory repression was perfect. you can not tell me that hopes peak academy perfected the art of lobotomy so well that they completely erased every speck of hajime hinata that existed inside izuru kamukura. that boy felt what was missing he knew there was a hole the size of the fucking ocean in his head and he felt every centimeter of it. did he care? up for debate. izuru didnt seem to care about anything, really (which… i have some thoughts about his eugenics conditioning by the academy in regards to that but thats maybe another post). but i definitely think given enough time, some of that would have started to come back. maybe even after the events of the first game, when the school was open again, and junko was dead, and izuru was able to actually explore the place he was held and experimented in and look at the files, and discover his old name. something like that would definitely trigger some memory recovery, or at least a moderate breakdown of some kind.

i dont know. people have said before that izuru is kind of an interesting metaphor for depression if you think about it, and theyre right, he is. he doesnt care enough about anything in life, he doesnt care about hygiene, nothing is going to catch and hold his attention because he thinks he knows how everything in the world works so whats the point in even trying? but he isnt just a metaphor. thats who hajime was during that time. now im definitely one of the people who thinks hajime was a pretty depressed kid anyway, unable to fulfill what he thought he needed to be, constantly pressured to be something he wasnt and couldnt be. but izuru was so much worse. they gave that boy fucking. ultimate depression. super high school level depression. i definitely think the only reason izuru didnt ever do anything drastic about how utterly miserable he was is because. a lot of it was background noise to him? his brain was just blocked off so those triggers were unable to fire? and because. to be honest. thats truly so much work. especially with the reflexes and instincts and empowerment the experiments gave him. and junko’s despair was just intriguing enough to keep him moving

its just something i think about. if someone had been willing or able to just. talk to izuru and offer him a hand. understand that he was hurting and that he didnt have to be. that just because there were holes in his identity didnt mean he couldnt create his own pieces to fit into them. i truly think that if he’d had that kind of presence during the tragedy his brain would have unlocked itself. maybe not all the memories would come back, but he’d be able to feel stuff again at least. and thats… something.

[pwnyta]

Sayid ship tierlist! We'll start off with Sayid canon ships!

Shannon/Sayid! Shannon died too soon and she didnt get enough character development for me to believe these two could ever work as a couple off the island. It woulda been interesting to see the writers make it work... because they come from such wildly different worlds and are such wildly different people it woulda been interesting.

BUT THEY FUCKING KILLED HER TOO SOON.

We didnt really get a chance to see Shannon do things for Sayid the way Sayid would do for Shannon which I think the other top tier het ships managed to do! Jin/Sun, Des/Penny, even fuckin Richard/his dead wife... and they only got the one REALLY GOOD EPISODE HOLY SHIT THAT SCENE WITH HUGO WAS SO HEARTBREAKINGLY TRAGIC AND BEAUTIFUL HOLY SHIT LOST WRITERS WHERE WAS THAT ENERGY WITH ANYTHING KATE DID...

Anyways....

Pros- Pretty cute. The juxtaposition of this kind of spoiled brat LA bitch and ... however you wanna try to describe the sheer hell of Sayids life trying make it work... coulda been interesting.

Cons- That same juxtaposition tbh. I just cant see Shannon staying long after she maybe tries shaking Sayid while hes sleeping and he wakes up in a violent panic and grabs her like he did with Jack or his brother...

I dont see her being able to handle him at his worst, the ptsd, all that trauma and violence he's lived through? and the writers never tried to show that aspect... it was just Sayid doing stuff for her. Which was cute... but....

6/10. The faults of this ship is 100% the writers fault for killing Shannon too soon. I dont actually mind that they ended up together in the end... even if it felt kinda weird.

Nadia/Sayid!

I think Nadia is a better match for what they put out. She's essentially his Penny throughout the story (even had a 'another life' thing like Des). Nadia also shares a lot of the tragedy and trauma Sayid has been through and knew him, knew his flaws, why he did what he did, and still loved him so much. The flashsideways scene where she asks him why he didnt love her and he said he did but he didnt deserve her was crazy. Even in that weird fantasy world Sayid could never accept himself or accept someone might love him. Whyd the writers do that... Thats so sad... ANYWAYS.

Nadia was great. Im sad they only got like half a year in real time to be married before THE WRITERS FUCKING KILLED HER OFF TOO WTF....

Pros- They have a shared life history and did work in real time. They had some great scenes together and I love them. I also love that she was one to beg him NOT to do something violent after his brothers attack. So many people ask him to do some violent shit. From Innman with torturing his former CO to fucking SHANNON with asking him to kill Locke. And he listened to all of them (sorta... he almost killed Locke but didnt and she got mad at him for it)... so for Nadia he went back home, picked up the kids, fixed a vase... It was nice. He did kill people, inadvertently cause the death of his friend, and shot himself for her but she never asked him for that shes always asked him to stay with her.

Cons- Because she wasnt on the island she didnt get a lot of screentime and tHE WRITERS FUCKING KILLED HER OFF SO BRUTALLY WTF.

8/10. Would ship again.

Elsa/Sayid!

I mean I GUESS you can call this canon. And the SPICE of it... Two assassins working for opposing forces honeypotting each other... but Sayid accidentally cares for her because despite all of the conditioning toward violence from his abusive father to the military to the hitman stuff... hes still a soft boy with a big heart who just loves too hard. Then they shot each other and he won. And he hated it. Whyd the writers do this to him....

Pros- THE JUICE. One of the juiciest. Honestly I coulda watched a couple episodes of them building their relationship before she shoots him. Id have been SHOOK. Despite my instincts to have everyone be in love with my fav... the fact she pretended to love him, clearly pounded him out real well, and then shot him and complained about NOT killing him to her boss (probably Widmore) MADE IT JUICY AND TRAGIC.

Elsa: Oh Sayid, If only there was someone out there that loved you.

Frozen could never.

Cons- Bitch is a dead. Also she only got the one episode.. Cant help but stan tho.

5/10 just because I cant in good conscious give them a bigger score than Shannon/Sayid. BUT JUICE!!!

Ilana/Sayid!

I mean... theres not much here. Sayid got a little tipsy and was looking for someone to kiss him and once again got betrayed because IDK the writers just like to make Sayid sad?

Pros- Ilana COULD have been interesting if the writers didnt just BLOW HER THE FUCK UP FOR NO REASON.

Cons- Everything else.

2/10. Not much here except theyre both hot and with those boots she had on... you know she woulda been a fun domme but she plays too much (worked for Jacob who did nothing for her and then blew up outta nowhere).

--NON CANON--

Kate/Sayid!

I MEAN... THE TICKET really. Their relationship was one of the best. They clicked up like IMMEDIATELY. The only thing wrong with them is the writers always making Kate run to Sawyer even though he treated Sayid like shit (or Jack which was mostly fine but the lack of chemistry). Like writers you are not making me believe Kate isnt a girls girl. Im sorry. Youre not. Im ignoring it. I honestly wish that Kate was like 'Come on Sayid' and Sayid hopped in her car after Jack and Ben were trying to get them back to the island. WHY NOT? Youre telling me that that wouldnt have happened writers? I DONT BELIEVE IT.

W/E.

THAT SAID... I also kinda wish Kate was a lesbian and hooked up with Claire or Cassidy.

Pros- I mean... lookit the material. (disregard all the awful writers choices with Kate thats not her fault.)

Cons- The one she was pulling with the fake necklaces (how she met Cassidy and then they got gay married probably(?)

9/10! QPP!? ANYONE?? Or they get married. Either way. GOD TIER.

Danielle/Sayid!

I mean... MY FAVORITE HET SHIP WITH SAYID... even if that just had that one episode where she tortured and pet his face a lot... I woulda been cool but the fact she ended up helping them out more because she trusted Sayid was so nice. I also love the episode where she kidnapped Aaron and when she returned him saying she just wanted her daughter back and handed the baby to him while Sayid looked like he was gonna cry for her. WEH.

Their last interaction being Danielle holding Sayid at gunpoint was dumb. I know Sayid would never hold that against her just like he would never hold anything Hugo did against him is pretty great tho.

Pros- Again... lookit the material! Thats a couple of damaged stray/feral cats cuddling for warmth energy.

Cons- They just stopped interacting after that one scene and then the writers fucking killed Danielle off in the dumbest way ever. THIS IS THE WRITERS FAULT.

9/10! Would ship again!

Charlie/Sayid!

Honestly kinda another wasted dynamic that just stops interacting after awhile and then one of them dies. For the time they did interact... it was pretty great. They have a kind of Usopp/Zoro feel to them that I appreciate. Charlie seemed to put a lot of trust in Sayid even after his weird face/heel turn that sucked.

Pros- Theyre kinda goofy together... I enjoy it.

Cons- Charlie got kinda weird then got redemption=death'd. So...

5/10. I cant rate it higher than Shannon/Sayid but they were fun in a similar juxtaposition kinda way!

Sawyer/Sayid!

Girl.

OK.

Its hard to ship these two because of SAWYERS FUCKIN VIOLENT RACISM. I will give it Sawyer tho in the Dharma camp he changed, he tried desperately to save Sayid, he had a HARD HARD time watching Sayid go through what he went through and there were times where Sawyer and Sayid clicked up which honestly was such bad vibes... like if Sawyer is going to Sayid for back up you know theres some crazy shit happening. And it did happen a few times.

I think its a missed opportunity that they never really worked through their animosity and reached a real understanding with each other. Theyve been through some similar shit and think if they talked it out they coulda been a solid unit.

But also the flashsideways having Sawyer be a cop that arrests Sayid for essentially protecting his family is crazy... Of course Sawyer was a fuckin cop.

Pros- ... There is a lot of drama & trauma to work with??

Cons- Racism, torture, just RANCID VIBES. I think one of the worst things is Sawyer saying 'Oh I bet you wanna torture me, show how CIVILIZED you really are' or something like that after he stole the guns...

Like hey cunt he tortured you because you were hoarding resources, beat the shit out of Boone for looking through those resources to find his sisters inhalers, implied you knew where the inhalers were while she was having an asthma attack and refused to tell anyone but Kate and then said youd only tell Kate about them if she kissed you which SHE DID NOT WANT TO DO BUT WAS FORCED TO and then said 'I dont know where they are' effectively WASTING EVERYONES TIME WHILE SHANNON WAS GASPING FOR BREATH.

YOU CANT TALK ABOUT CIVILITY YOU FUCKING ANIMAL.

SAYID SHOULD STICK MORE BAMBOO UNDER YOUR FINGERNAILS ACTUALLY...

or I would say that but Sayid felt so guilty about torturing him and accidentally stabbing him in the arm he banished himself and then later when Anna Lucia tied him too a tree and was contemplating killing him he said he deserved it because what he did to Sawyer...

ANYWAYS...

SAWYER DOES GET BETTER KINDA... 😬LMAO I think fanfiction writers could do a better job writing these guys than the canon writers BUT AS IT IS...

2(?)/10... GIRL. SO RANCID. But man when they worked together it sure was interesting.

Hurley/Sayid!

TIME TO CLEANSE!!! The fact they first bond over Sawyer being shitty to them is phenomenal. The biggest self-hating pessimist vs the most loving, most extreme optimist is beautiful stuff. Nothing reaches the heights of Sayids aggressive dedication to protecting Hurley physically and Hurleys dedication to healing Sayid emotionally. THE PURITY OF THEM.

Pros- Everything I just said. There was so much love there it was crazy.

Cons- Hurley is probably one of the straightest characters in the show LMFAO a man who says dude and gets a little uncomfortable with sincere emotional moments like when Charlie said he loved him and he was like... yeah w/e dude I love you too. GOOFY STRAIGHT BOY NONSENSE.

THAT SAID...

10/10! THE VIBES ARE IMMACULATE. I HOPE THEY GET GAY MARRIED. SUE ME.

Jack/Sayid!

I already went off on them... so just to recap. Sayid is Jacks special lil guy who can do no wrong.

Pros- Sayid was Jacks right hand man and anyone who knows me knows my position on boss/right hand man ships. TOP TIER. MY FAVORITE FLAVOR.

Cons- That one time Jack was with the Dharma people and then took Juliet back with them and didnt tell anyone what was going on and just generally acting sus which made everyone not trust him even Sayid... Literally what was the point of that? At LEAST tell Sayid. Sayid is so damn paranoid if you could get him on board with one of the 'Others' everyone else would have probably just been like 'Ok. I mean if SAYID is cool with it...' Except maybe Sawyer... but maybe even Sawyer cuz he know EXACTLY how Sayid can be. Imma put that on the writers. It was so dumb.

10/10. Why they always lookin in each others eyes like that. Just kiss each other gaybos.

Desmond/Sayid!

Their relationship on the freighter was crazy. Desmond forgetting Sayid but then being like 'I dont know you but you seem to know me so if were friends can you help me?' or w/e and like... They werent really friends? But Sayid helped him so hard anyways and then Desmond looked at him like he hung the moon from then on out.

Even though Sayids reaction to Desmond lookin at him like that was always sheer confusion. Sayid doesnt know what love is and Desmond would like to show him.

Pros- Sayids dedication to saving Desmond despite not really knowing him, Desmond happily returning that energy in the end. Beautiful.

Cons- Des/Penny is sorta hard for me to shift in my mind... kinda like Jin/Sun...

9½/10. Stop lookin at Sayid like that youre freakin him out.

Ben/Sayid!

TIME TO DO THE OPPOSITE OF CLEANSE! If you mixed the toxicity of Sawyer/Sayid(minus the racism) with the JUICINESS of Elsa/Sayid... THE MOST TOXIC JUICE.

Man... Sayid deserved so much better. What I like about them is that they kinda have a more even playing field than when Ben is interacting with Jack or Locke. They keep each other on their toes and its endlessly funny the amount of times Sayid freaks Ben the fuck out... cuz Ben spent so much time being the little freak of the island. The best one was when Ben went to actually go save Sayid and he was like 'Sayid... come with me... theres still time' and Sayid (who had been infected) turns to him with a demented smile and said 'Not for me.' and Ben just backed away slowly then SKEDADDLED. It was so fucking funny.

They matched each others freak in the most twisted way. LMFAO

Pros- None(pos)

Cons- The fact their stories were so intertwined to the point they LITERALLY TURNED EACH OTHER INTO THE MONSTERS THEY BECAME but didnt interact in the flashsideways is crazy. What a missed opportunity. I woulda loved to see whole, kindhearted Mr. Linus interact with sad, tragic Sayid.... Im sorry but their dynamic was way better than Locke and Ben.

10/10 (neg)

Locke/Sayid (& Fake!Locke/Sayid too)!

Locke fucked up so hard making an enemy outta Sayid so early. I think Sayid woulda eventually forgiven being hit (he pretty easily forgave Danielle & even Ana Lucia but maybe thats just apart of Sayid believing in women's rights and also their wrongs so Locke need not apply.) but the fact Locke lied to him and made him think Sawyer was the one who did it further fueling their animosity... I just dont think that was EVER forgiven. Even when they were working together Sayid just did not trust Locke at all. FOR GOOD REASON. Locke lied to him almost as much as fuckin Ben lies!

They woulda been a fuckin killer duo if Locke earned his trust instead tho.

Then to have MiB!Locke take control of Sayid and made him his dragon was just a fuckin cool idea... but it needed more time to work. (Same with Claire, that whole infection thing with them needed more in general.) But YEAH. Coulda been better but the lip-smacking FLAVOR is there.

Pros- Sayids lack of trust in Locke throughout the series due to Locke (technically well-intentioned) deceptions and zombie Sayid ending up as MiB!Lockes right hand man... theres some good shit to work with...

Cons- Didnt have enough time to cook tho IMO.

7/10 tho! BUT THE FLAVOR THO! Yeah I rated it higher than Shannon/Sayid! If youre gonna be canon ya have to be held to higher standard! THOSE ARE THE RULES. TECHNICALLY SHANNON/SAYID IS BETTER BUT EXECUTION... NOT SO MUCH. SUE ME.

----WILDCARD BITCHES!----

WIDMORE/SAYID!

The fact they did not interact is crazy. Sayid wiped out so many of his people first under Ben and then under MiB!Locke and they didnt ever get to interact? Thats crazy.

TBF I dont think they coulda interacted without one of them dying and Sayid 'needed' to have his redemption=death moment and Ben 'needed' to kill Widmore. BUT LIKE... come on. NOT ONCE?

One of Widmores men accidentally (?) killed Sayids wife and Sayid went full JOHN WICKE and started ripping through his people like tissue paper and we didnt get ONE interaction. Thats crazy. Widmore gave Ben his most valuable chess piece!

Also Widmore was a dick to Desmond, Sayid dont take that lightly either.

Pros- THATS CRAZY

Cons- IT COULDA BEEN JUICY.

???/10... c'est la vie.

[atlabeth]

nightmares - mike munroe x reader

summary: It was a deal made by two almost-friends in the early hours of the morning after the worst night of their lives, when they realized that all they really had left was each other.

a/n: so this is once again. not my normal content but ive been on an until dawn kick lately and fell in love w the characters all over again. i dont know if anyone still reads or writes for this fandom but. here u go. enjoy

warning(s): lots of cursing, canon typical violence, mentions of graphic violence/death (but nothing too descriptive), mentioned depression, insomnia, and alcoholism, some heavy themes but its hurt/comfort so it ends in fluff

wc: 4.8k

You were running.

You were running, and it was freezing — fuck, it was freezing.

You knew your surroundings; how could you ever forget? Every fucking moment on the goddamn mountain was engraved into your mind for what you assumed would be the rest of your life, an assumption that had since been proven correct.

And now, against your will, you were back. Of course you were back.

A shudder ran through your whole body as that all-too-familiar screech rang out behind you, each second of it like nails on a chalkboard in the worst way. Your lungs burned like all hell but you couldn’t stop — if you stopped, you were as good as dead.

Some part of this fucked up thing was almost funny. Humans were always boasting about how they were the top of the food chain, how they were the height of evolution. There was nothing to keep an ego in check like being hunted by a supernatural creature.

Any thoughts of bullshit philosophy were dashed from your mind as you took a hard right, nearly falling over from the sharp curve of the mountain but just able to catch yourself. Your heart was thundering in your chest, the beats nearly lining up with your sprinting. You felt an intense urge to turn around, try and gauge your chances, but the thought of slowing down for even a second terrified you. It’s not like you needed to anyways — you knew exactly what was after you.

You were nearing the end of your road, both literally and figuratively. You stumbled over a tree root, your hands splayed out in front of yourself at just the right angle to keep your momentum going and, in some feat of luck, stay upright and running.

But your luck had just run out.

Your senses were proven correct as the harrowing cliff edge came into view, and a thousand things screamed in your mind at once as your demise stared you right in the eye. You barely managed to catch yourself, very much aware that the snow falling into the void could’ve just as well been you.

That fucking screech again, even closer than before, and you whipped around as you took an instinctive step back. Your hands patted around everywhere, searching for something to defend yourself, but you had nothing. No gun, knife, even the ground around you was devoid of rocks.

You had nothing. You had nothing to defend yourself from this goddamn nightmare creature, and you were going to die.

Your eyes darted around wildly in an attempt to find something, anything, to save yourself, but there was nothing. You took another step back and felt your foot slip, your breath catching as you barely managed to save yourself with a twist and a lunge away from the edge. The shock of the ground and the cold against your skin was just enough to remind yourself that you were actually alive. Another pile of snow mimicked the fate that seemed imminent as it trickled over the side of the cliff, and you screwed your eyes shut as you tried to shut your mind up.

Think, goddammit, if you wanted to get off of this fucking mountain you had to think—

The screech that pierced through the night sky was far too close for comfort, and as your head snapped back towards the woods you swore that your heart stopped beating.

It had caught up. You were out of time you were going to die but you didn’t have anything and you were going to fucking die—

A flash of white pushed off a tree and lunged towards you, teeth bared as it emitted that horrible screech. You didn’t even have time to scream, completely frozen in place as one clawed hand reached your neck, and you braced for the moment of release.

You shot up in your bed, breathing rapid and unsteady with a barely contained cry on the edge of your lips as your hand instinctively flew to your neck. You heaved an almost strangled sigh of relief to know that your head was still attached to your body (it might’ve seemed obvious, but… your head wasn’t exactly on straight at the moment, all jokes aside) and collapsed against the headboard.

You ran your hands across your face as you tried in vain to calm yourself down, ultimately having to turn on your lamp to ease your troubled mind that there was nothing going thump in the night.

It had been this same routine almost every night — horrible nightmare, wake up crying or screaming or both, and start the day at 3 am because you couldn’t fall back asleep.

It was exhausting. You were exhausted.

You knew you couldn’t go on like this, but what choice did you have? Therapy had been mandated by the police for a certain amount of time after the incident, but… it’s not like it had helped. How could it, when no one truly knew what you had gone through?

Well… that wasn’t completely accurate.

One person knew what you were going through, and you hadn’t said as much as one word to him since that night. You didn’t really… know what to say.

Hey. I know we’re not all that close, but I’m sorry your girlfriend and all your friends were killed by a Wendigo and that I made it instead. Hope you’re not going insane with grief. I’ll send you a card at Christmas!

...yeah. You had no idea what to say to him after months of no contact.

The relationship you had with Mike Munroe was a strange one, to say the least.

None of you were the same after that night on the mountain. The horrors of the mines would be forever entrenched in your head, flashes of the Wendigos appearing every time you closed your eyes. You and Mike were the only ones who made it off, and the guilt you carried everywhere was a burden you knew you couldn’t shoulder. And even after the physical scars had faded, you knew the mental ones never would.

Sometimes you wondered how you had even managed to get involved with the group in the first place — bonds that had been made in your freshman and sophomore years had somehow managed to stay strong enough throughout the rest of high school, strong enough to cement your spot in the friend group and the yearly lodge visits. You liked them all well enough, enough to go up to an isolated mountain with them for a weekend or so, but… yeah. Sometimes you did wonder what the hell you were doing with them.

But now?

Now, you would give almost anything to hear Sam’s laugh or one of her compliments, or tease Ashley and Chris about their very obvious feelings; hell, you found yourself missing Matt’s useless football facts. And even though Emily and Jessica weren’t always the nicest, you still had managed to worm your way into their hearts. Knowing that you would never get Emily’s brutal but helpful advice or get dragged to a football game by Jessica again?

If someone had told you the difference between life-long trauma and a completely normal existence was that blonde girl with the braids in your biology class, you might’ve thought a little harder before accepting that party invite.

The days after you were rescued from the mountain passed in a daze, questions and interrogations from police never sticking for too long. And it didn’t even feel like it mattered, the way none of them seemed to believe you.

They kept you separated from Mike throughout the whole process, and you were only able to catch glances of him when you were being transferred to different rooms throughout the long process. It really was like something out of a horror movie — a group of teens go up to a lodge in the woods, and only two return with a story of unspeakable horrors — and rather than try and work out what had happened, they seemed intent on pinning the deaths on you and Mike.

As if you weren’t dealing with enough after watching your friends get murdered by the monster of another friend, the people that were supposed to be helping you were instead trying to charge you with them. If it wasn’t so fucking infuriating, it would’ve been laughable.

The worst part? You could hardly blame them.

When you took a second to listen to yourself, to what you were spouting to the police, you sounded insane. If you hadn’t witnessed it all first hand, you wouldn’t have believed yourself.

You told them to go down to the mines. That the thing that killed your friends would be down there, and they could see it for themselves.

You didn’t know if that was the right choice. Hell, you might’ve been sending those cops to their deaths. But it was the only way you could think of to get them to believe you.

(You doubted they would go down there anyways. What was the word of two crazy college kids over actual logic? Not much, you imagined.)

You were in that damn interrogation room for what felt like forever until you were finally taken to a hospital to get your wounds treated. But even in the hospital bed, police were by your side asking about what happened every day of your stay. After your discharge, you were forced into custody until they got information that they deemed satisfactory.

By some miracle, you and Mike weren’t charged with anything. The news might’ve gotten hold of your story, but you didn’t know. You didn’t want to know. You didn’t ever look at the news after the tragedy, too afraid that you would see the smiling faces of your friends staring back at you, or pictures of you and Mike with news anchors trying to talk about how involved the two of you were.

If there was one thing worse than going through hell, it was other people trying to make a profit off of your spiral.

Your friends’ families offered their condolences, but not much else. You didn’t hold it against them. Your survivor’s guilt was strong enough to know exactly why they didn’t reach out further.

(You blame yourself for their deaths, after all. Why wouldn’t they?)

It was the same situation with Mike.

Maybe you had purposefully drifted apart from him, trying to build up walls of your own so that he wouldn’t be able to spring it on you first. You assumed he hated you after what had happened, and he had every right to. You might’ve helped each other through the night, but you had no other option. Now, everyone else but you was dead — people he cared about more than you — and you just couldn’t face that.

But as you stared at yourself in your bathroom mirror, you realized that you might have to.

You looked awful.

Weeks of sleepless nights were catching up to you, appearing in the form of

hollow eyes and dark circles, along with a slight discoloration of your skin. The scars from the mountain had mostly healed, but there was a particularly nasty gash on your cheek that was still showing — it wasn’t doing you any favors in the ‘looking completely normal and sane and not severely sleep deprived’ department.

You splashed some water in your face to try and wake up a bit, but the slight drowsiness that followed you everywhere seemed to be a permanent part of you now.

(It was almost funny, in a way. You were so paranoid and alert all the time, unable to fall asleep, and yet it was all you could think about in moments like these. You wondered when irony had become such a staple in your life.)

You had tried talking to therapists, your friends, your family, even searching the internet for advice on what to do after a life changing traumatic event. Nothing had worked.

The simplest solution had come to mind more than once, but you had pushed it aside with the determination to work through this on your own. But now, staring at yourself and seeing how much you had deteriorated…

You had to go talk to the only person who would understand.

~

You had considered turning around more than once on the drive over.

Because, really, what the hell were you doing? Showing up at his doorstep in the middle of o dark thirty because— because what?

Because you had a nightmare?

He had gone through the same thing you had, probably even worse. Losing Jessica right in front of him, having to cut off his fingers to get free, spending countless hours alone, dealing with the nightmare that was the sanatorium, and then…

Well, you had been in the mines with him and Josh when it happened. There was no doubt in your mind that the scene replayed in his head endlessly, just like it did for you.

Showing up… it was going to be a mistake. You knew it was.

For all you knew, Mike had moved on already. He was stronger than you, he always had been. Maybe your presence would send him spiraling once more, or maybe it would just earn you a verbal beating like no other. Mike had always been nice enough, but the trauma you had endured was enough to turn a saint into his own worst enemy.

You didn’t know what would happen. You didn’t know anything, and as you turned down his street you regretted more than ever not keeping in touch with him. Maybe then you wouldn’t be in this situation, scrambling after your last hope for salvation after slowly killing yourself over the past few months.

But there was no chance to turn back now, because before you knew it your knuckles were rapping against his front door.

The pause between your arrival and a response was so long that you considered leaving and pretending like this never happened, but just as you began to step back the door swung open.

You didn’t really know what you were expecting, but… he was there. The only other testament to the horrors of Blackwood Pines, and maybe the only person that could help you through this.

“...hi,” you murmured, swallowing the sudden lump in your throat as you looked the personification of your shame in the eye.

Mike blinked a few times, whether to try and wake up a little or out of surprise from his visitor you didn’t know, but it was a few seconds before he responded in kind. “...hey. It’s been a while since I’ve seen you around.”

You chuckled dryly as you nodded. “Yeah. Sorry for the sudden arrival. I’m, uh… I’m kind of surprised you even opened the door.”

He huffed out a short breath in a facsimile of a laugh. “Not getting much sleep these days.”

“That’s something we’ve got in common.” You crossed your arms across your chest and let out a loose sigh, eyes wandering around in an attempt to think of what to say next. It should’ve been so easy, but… but for some reason, it just wasn’t.

“Guess so.” That awkward silence stretched out once more, neither of you knowing how to fill it. Thankfully, Mike continued to take the plunge, but it wasn’t without a slight barb. “What are you doing here?”

“I—” you stopped just as you had begun, because you really didn’t know. You had come here for help, but could Mike really do that for you? He was the same as you — a fucked up teenager trying to deal with something so far beyond him.

“I don’t know,” you admitted as you made eye contact once more. “I… I really don’t know. I’m out of options, and… I can’t keep going like this. So I came here to talk, or— or to try and get some help. I don’t know.”

That same silence filled the air once more, the night ambiance the only thing in between the two of you. You missed when that silence used to be comfortable, but… you could only blame yourself for it.

“So— so, what?” he asked, the beginnings of a frown starting to crease his brows. “You just— we go through all that together up there, and then when we get back down you don’t say a word for months. And now— now, out of nowhere, in the middle of the night, you just show up and ask for help?”

“God,” you muttered. When he put it that way, it was true. It was ridiculous, to expect his help after the way you had just left him to deal with it all on his own for a reason borne of your own insecurity. “You’re right. This was— this was stupid. I’m sorry.”

You had already turned to go when you felt a calloused hand on your shoulder, causing you to stop in your tracks.

“No.” His voice was surprisingly soft as he sighed, stepping back with a shake of his head to make room in the doorway. “No, I—” Mike paused for a moment, as if he couldn’t find the right words to say. “I’m sorry. You can come in. Obviously, you can come in.”

Your eyes widened slightly as you tried to hide your shock at the gesture, but you weren’t about to turn it down. You nodded, and he stepped aside to make space for you to walk in. When you did, you were met with a mess not unlike the one back at your apartment, save for the beer bottles. Clothes were strewn about haphazardly on every surface, so you took a seat on a clean spot on the floor, leaning back against a chair and pulling your knees up to your chest. You actually preferred it this way — it was grounding, in a literal sense. Mike pushed aside a laundry basket and did the same, but pulled one leg up and let the other lay extended.

“Why?” he asked suddenly, breaking the silence that had been accumulating once more. “Why did you just…” he gestured around with his hands to try and get his point across but ultimately settled with a sigh. “You didn’t say anything. You didn’t try to text, or call, or write, or— or anything. Hell, I would’ve probably jumped to get a messenger pigeon from you. But it was just… radio silence.”

You picked at the dry skin on your thumbs as you tried to come up with an answer. “I… I don’t know,” you repeated. “It was stupid, and it was horrible of me to leave you alone. I mean… I don’t know why I did it. I know what I’ve been going through, and I know you’ve been going through the same. So I don’t know why I didn’t try to reach out and see how you were doing.”

He chuckled mirthlessly as his eyes swept over the empty bottles that had accumulated on the coffee table. “I’m not the best with alone.”

“I know,” you said quietly. “I thought…” you shook your head as you looked at the ceiling. “I thought that you hated me. I know that you cared about them all more, you were closer to all of them, and… and I thought you wouldn’t want anything to do with me. That I would just always be a reminder of what you lost. And… and, I don’t know. Maybe it was my way of trying to move on. Was a stupid fucking idea, though.”

That got a genuine laugh out of him as he ran a hand through his hair. “I guess I get that. I dunno why I didn’t try to talk to you either. Maybe since you didn’t say anything, I didn’t want to either. This whole thing fucked me up.” His gaze moved to you. “Fucked us both up.”

“You can say that again,” you muttered as you tapped your fingers on your knees. “I can’t look anywhere without seeing them. I mean, I see that fucking…” you grimaced. “I see Josh, and I see what that thing did to him, and I just— I’m right back to step one.”

He swallowed hard and nodded. “...yeah. That was seven layers of fucked up.”

“You can’t just keep saying everything was fucked up,” you said dryly. “It was shitty, too.”

Mike snorted, some kind of slightly masochistic humor going on between the two of you. “Nothing really gets the point across like fucked up.”

“Guess you’re right,” you finally conceded with a small smile. “This is… this is nice. I’d almost forgotten what it was like to… I don’t know, to talk to someone like this.”

“It is,” he murmured.

Another pregnant pause hung in the air, but the silence wasn’t as uncomfortable now. Trickles of what it used to be like, of your old life, were beginning to poke through.

“I never hated you,” he said suddenly. Your eyes flicked up to meet his, and it was like his brown eyes were piercing through you as he continued. “I never did. After it happened… yeah, I was mad. I was fucking pissed, but it was never at you. You were my friend too, y’know? Even though we weren’t that close, we were still… we were still something. And I’m glad you made it. I just wish you hadn’t convinced yourself that you had to go through this alone. Maybe things would’ve turned out different, these past few months. For both of us.”

You nodded, choosing to avert eye contact first because you almost couldn’t handle the sincerity. Your heart sank a bit at the sight of all the beer bottles, and you knew that he was right. Maybe things would’ve been different if the two of you had weathered it together from the start. And so you said that.

“I still can’t help but feel like I’m to blame for—” you gestured around at the mess with a sigh, “for this.”

“Look.” His voice was raspy as he ran a hand through his disheveled hair, and as he met your eyes once more you were able to see how truly exhausted he was. With dark circles that matched your own, scars that were still healing, and a certain hollowness behind his eyes… It was like looking in a mirror. And it made you realize how fucked up the two of you had really become.

Mike had always been good at holding himself together, putting up his signature egotistical-douchebag-jock act in the face of anything that threatened to tear him down, and more often than not he came out victorious. But not even class presidents were immune to the horrors that they had faced, and it was taking more of a toll on him than you had realized.

“It’s not your fault. You— you did everything you could; I know I’m still alive because of you. Besides, we were idiot teenagers — we still are — and none of them deserved to die because of it. Not Hannah, not Beth, not any of them.” Mike shook his head and sighed. “Not even Josh. Man was fucked up even before all of this, but he didn’t deserve what happened to him. He needed help, but instead he got his fucking… god. I can’t even say it. But he didn’t deserve it.”

You let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding, the subconscious process having stopped because of the weight of his words. It was cliche, but you didn’t know how much you needed to hear those four words: it’s not your fault.

“Maybe you should be my therapist,” you joked weakly. But as you let your eyes trail back to Mike you bit your lip. He hadn’t included himself in that statement, and it wasn’t too hard to figure out why.

“Mike… it wasn’t your fault either. You’re not just saying bullshit to try and make yourself feel better, it really wasn’t your fault. What do they say? ‘Getting through your guilt is the first step to recovery’ or some shit? You deserve to be here just as much as I do.”

“But it was,” he insisted. “It’s easy for you to say that. You tried to stop it, I… I just went along with it. Fuck, I started it all. Hannah and Beth went missing because of me, Josh went out of his fuckin’ mind, and if he hadn’t brought us all back up there for his revenge plot then they wouldn’t have died. How is it not my fault? Why do I get to live when all of them died because of me?”

“Mike,” you sighed. “I… I don’t know. I don’t know why we made it back when none of them did, but it’s not your fucking fault, okay? You— yeah, that prank was fucking stupid, but— but how could you know what was going to happen?” You huffed a laugh that was only slightly unhinged. “People pull pranks all the time. Native American legend cannibal spirit things don’t try to kill people all the time. You can’t keep blaming yourself. It’s not going to help them, and it’s not going to help you.”

That silence stretched out once more as he took in your words. You didn’t know if he believed them or not, but you did. That had to be worth something, right?

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking,” he muttered, breaking the silence once more. “And I… I don’t know. I don’t know why it took almost fucking dying from those goddamn things, a— and seeing what happened to all of them...”

“I don’t know,” he repeated, leaning back against the foot of the sofa. “All the shit that happened, all of them dying — I don’t know how long it’ll take until we’re okay again. Hell, I don’t even know if we ever will be okay again. What happened up there was fucked up in the worst way, and the fact that no one believes us makes it a hell of a lot worse.”

You chuckled darkly as you cupped one hand in the other. “You can say that again.”

His lips twitched for a moment as if he wanted to smile but ultimately thought better of it. “I know we aren’t that close anymore, but the truth is we’re the only ones on this fuckin’ planet that know what really happened up there. We’re the only ones that will ever really understand what happened to us, and… and I think we’re the only ones that can really help each other through this shit.”

He met your eyes once more, something resolute in them. “So the next time this happens, because it will, if you don’t want to be alone… you can come here. Any time, any day, no questions asked. Just knock on that door, and I will be there. No more isolation, no more trying to get through this on our own. We gotta be there for each other, because we’re all we have.”

You nodded gratefully, a feeling of warmth slowly creeping through your body with his reassurance. “Thank you, Mike. You… you have no idea what this means to me.”

“I think I have some clue,” he murmured.

As you exchanged weary smiles, you saw a faint twinkle in Mike’s eyes. He was always the kind of person to help others, even if it was for the wrong reasons, and that was one thing that stuck with him after the disaster. And in that moment, a long lost feeling washed over you — safety.

You hadn’t felt safe in… well, it seemed like forever. Adrenaline and pure instinct were responsible for getting you through those twelve hours, along with an overwhelming wave of numbness and denial. But once all of that wore off, the nightmares had begun. Your friends, the Wendigos, the mountain itself — anything and everything that your mind could use against you, it did.

It was a living hell. You could hardly ever sleep anymore, horrific images always jolting you awake after an hour or two and keeping you awake for the rest of the day. It was no wonder Mike had ended up with a drinking problem — it was probably the only way he could sleep, the only way he could bring some form of peace to his mind. By some miracle, you had avoided that fate, but… you would be lying if you said you hadn’t come close.

But somehow, for some reason, you could tell that things were going to be different. Now that you and Mike weren’t avoiding each other anymore in the name of painful memories… you felt like things were going to be okay. Or as close to okay as you could get these days.

You weren’t alone, and neither was he.

He had saved your life on the mountain more than once. Now, he was saving you again. Just in a different way.

-

perm tags: @dv0412 @siriuslyslyslytherin @maruchan77

ud tags: @kwyloz

[conniespringerblkwife]

Betrayed... Again (Final)

(Eren Jaeger x Female Marleyan Reader | NSFW)

Part 1, Part 2, Series List

Series

A/N: This story will have slight season 4 anime spoilers, if you have not watched it. For the last time, I am not pro-Marleyan, just a story that came to mind. Also I want to thank the people who supported my story. It will be great if you guys could leave feedback.

Warnings: Slight Spoilers, Angst, Smut: Female oral (receiving), Fingering, Rough sex, Over stimulation

Summary: Nurse Y/N thinks the people of Paradis are growing on her. Is it because of their ignorance? Or is it because she is in love with one of them.

*3,305 words*

Songs I listened to while writing:

TiO (Take it Off) by Zayn

The commander would occasionally lift up their glasses as they read a book about Eldian history. They offered you tea but you declined because you didn't trust them; you didn't trust any of these people. You then wondered if there were others that were kidnapped just like you on this island. If you could find your people, you can probably come up with a plan to get out of here.

"How much do you know about Eldian history Nurse Y/n?" The commander asked you as they lifted their glasses for the nth time. You stayed silent. You didn't need to say anything to this devil. Also how come they didn't know anything about the Eldian history? Arent they technically Eldians?

The commander then spoke again, "Nurse Y/N, I think we can be friends and work together. Aren't you a nurse? Dont you want to help people?"

"Help my people, not you island devils." you scoffed and crossed your arms as your eyes traveled to the floor. "What do you want?"

"I'm curious to what kind of history you learned over in Marley to make you guys hate us so much." This made you look up.

"You seriously don't know." They stared at you blankly and that's when you knew they were telling the truth. "You're ancestors betrayed us Eldians in Marley." You said sternly, "We have been oppressed for thousands of years and you get to be hidden behind walls, unaware of the tragedies your ancestors have committed."

You were now looking at them and they splayed their hands across the table. "But that was a thousand years ago? What about the people now? The millions of people that lost their lives? Why did they have to die?" The way they innocently asked these questions made you sick to your stomach. You couldn't believe they were serious about everything coming out of their mouths.

Before you could say anything else, Levi walked in. "I'm taking Nurse Y/n back to her cell. Get some rest Ha-Commander." You heard him stuttered over his words, and you assumed he was trying not to say the commander's name.

Walking through the hallways with Levi back to your cell was silent, until you stopped and turned to him. "Levi, do your people really not know anything?" He continued walking and you rolled your eyes as you followed along.

You were now in your cell as you sat on the edge of the hard bed staring at the floor. "Even if what you know is true or not, it's not like that anymore. My comrades didn't sacrifice their life for this." Levi said and then left you with only the light from the candle flickering.

Your stared at the ceiling as you laid in bed, thinking about your childhood.

In Marley, once you turned a certain age, you need to start thinking about what you want to do with the rest of your life. Some thought about becoming a warrior or a teacher, but you decided to become a nurse.

The moment you chose that for yourself, that's all you were taught. You took history classes, but it taught you the same phrase that was pounded into you since you were brought into this world. "You must serve Marleyans if you want to end oppression" or "The Eldians on the island are devils."

You hated Marleyans, but you were taught that it was your ancestors fault so you had to serve them in order to atone for their sins. You always wondered if the traitors were the reason why Eldians on Marley suffered. Maybe if they all were dead, your people could be free.

You thought about how your mother would make sure you had your armband on before going out to the public. You have heard horrible stories about Eldians being punished for forgetting their armbands or wearing them wrong. You didn't know why you were crying, but you couldn't help the tears spill and run down the sides of your temples into your hair because you were laying on your back. You then heard someone whisper your name and your head quickly shot up. It was Eren.

Your heart leaped out of your chest as you stared at the man before you. He was wearing an olive shirt with black pants and his hair still in a bun. You threw your legs to the side of the bed and walked towards him. You wrapped your hands around the bars and pressed your face between the gap. "Eren what are you doing here?"

He walked closer to you, "I'm here to see you, now stand back." You noticed he had a key in his hand and wondered how he got it. He opened your cell and next thing you knew you were in his arms.

Your head smuggled in his chest as you involuntarily sniffed him and noticed he had an earthy scent.

"I'll be leaving in a few days," He whispered against the top of your head. You pulled away and looked into his emotionless eyes.

"Where are you going?" Your fists scrunched up the sides of his shirt.

"To finished what I started." You knew exactly what he meant, and before you could protest, he was kissing you. Then there you were again melting in his arms, as you pulled him to your chest.

Eren gently pushed you onto the bed and slid his hands under your shirt to circle his thumbs around your nipples, while squeezing the outside flesh. Your legs wrapped around his waist as you grounded against his clothed erection. "Eren," you said his name in a breathy tone when you felt him kiss and suck on your neck.

Your gown was now scrunched up to your waist as he kneaded your thighs with his huge calloused hands. His hands slowly maneuvering to your waist, teasing the band of your underwear. One of his hands slid over your clothed folds and rubbed it gently while his other hand played with your left breast. You started to squirm from his slow intimate touches. You just wanted him inside of you. "Eren please....I just want you."

"Just wait a little longer. I want to savor you." He took off his shirt and settled himself between your legs. He pulled your panties down your ankles and kissed your inner thigh. Eren brought his face to your heat and licked your slit up and down, then circling around your clit. You grabbed his hair and wrapped your legs around his shoulders.

He slowly entered two fingers inside of you, stretching you out slowy as you pulled at his hair. The man admired the way your pretty hole swallowed his fingers.

You felt his hair tickle the skin inside of your thigh as he continued thrusting his fingers in and out of you.

You pulled at his hair to let him know his fingers wasn't enough and that you wanted more of him. "Eren please...I want all of you."

He scissored your opening and met your pleading eyes. "Be specific" His voice slicked with lust, causing you to clench around his fingers.

"I want you inside of me." You whined.

"What do you want inside of you love." He wanted you to beg for him. He wanted to know if you submit yourself to him, all of yourself, no matter what.

"I want...I want your dick inside of me." As if a switch went off, Eren removed his fingers and pushed himself inside of you, giving you no time to adjust from his fingers to his girth. (Girth is such a funny word to me, I couldn't stop laughing)

You knew you were far gone as you watched Eren moved in and out of you at a rapid pace. Marley Y/n slowly crumbled at each of his thrusts. Your pride nearly faltered as he whispered dirty words in your ear and proceeded to kiss and suck your neck, marking his territory. You were his, you belonged to him. You were drunk off of Eren, and you didn't care.

Your brain was now fuzzy after having an intense orgasm that you didn't realize Eren came inside of you.

But he still didn't stop as pounded into you and rubbed your sensitive clit. You clawed at his back from the over stimulation and you could see the steam of him healing.

Eren collapsed on top of your body and slid his hands to your back. His ear rested on your chest as he listened to your rapid heartbeat; his breath fanning your exposed skin. "I love you." He said softly as you slowly drifted off to sleep.

You were startled awake as you felt cold water splash you. You were greeted by Levi holding a barrel that once had water. "Get up." He said coldly.

As you stood up, your legs almost gave out on you and last nights events came back to you and you felt your face heat up in response. You also noticed Eren was gone, he must've left after you fell asleep. "You've been asleep for half the day." He stated and you noticed he had clothes in his hands. "Put this on." He said and left the room.

It was another gown, you noticed, but this one was scratchy.

You and Levi were once again walking through a hallway in silence. But this time he was the one to speak up, "Eren's gone...Have any idea where he could be?" Your heart pounded against your chest at his words. He said he would be leaving in a couple days.

"No. I haven't seen him." You didn't know why you lied. Well it wasn't a whole lie you didn't know anything about Eren's plans.

"No need to lie if the evidence is all over your neck. " Your hand went to your neck instinctively and you knew it was because Eren marked it up. Before you could explain yourself, the blonde boy from earlier was running towards you two. "Levi!!" he rested his hands at his knees trying to catch his breath. "One of the rooms blew up and Chief Darius was there.." He paused and looked down, "He didn't make it." He then stood up, his breathing now calmed, "There were a few survivors but are wounded very badly and we need help." He then looked over at me, "Arent you a nurse?"

You nodded your head and he continued. "Can you please help?" You made contact with his blue eyes that threatened to spill with tears.

"I can try."

The man laid unconscious on the floor and you took note of the burnt patches that littered his arms, he was lucky there weren't any on his face, just a few scratches.

You kneeled down beside the man examining the intensity of his wounds. "He would heal soon." You looked around the room for any oils and noticed they didn't have any. "Do you have any oils or remedies?" The all looked at you in confusion as if you were speaking a foreign language. You realized that Paradis was not advanced in their society, the consequences of living secluded behind the walls.

"Do you have water and cloths." You had to resort to an older method that would probably take the healing process longer. After you received the items, you wrapped the man's arms with the wet cloths.

'Thank you," The blonde hair boy said to you. "I'm Armin." He held out his hand and you took it, you felt nothing hostile coming from the boy. Was perhaps these people were growing on you?

You sat out on a balcony alone (You didn't plan on running away after Levi threatened to slice your throat) staring out into the distance thinking. You thought about everything. You thought about if everything you learned in Marley was all a lie. The hatred that has been built into your brain to despised the people on Paradis. What if that was a reason to keep you all divided? You were just a nurse, you weren't a warrior, you wasn't capable of fighting. All you could do was help after the destruction not during.

You didn't realize Armin and another person walked in, until they sat in the open chairs on the side of you. On the right was a woman with black short hair and a scar on her face. She was so beautiful.

"Nurse Y/N this is Mikasa." Armin introduced her and you two greeted each other with a nod. "Have you heard anything from Eren?" Armin spoke and you looked away.

"No."

"Please, we know he was with you last." His eyes lingered to your neck and you both looked away blushing.

"He just told me he would be leaving in a couple days and that he had to finish what he started." You whispered, "And then we made love."

You noticed the the black haired woman clenched her fists after you said the last part. "Come with us Y/n." She then said.

As you three were leaving, you all heard a crash from one of the rooms, followed by shouting. Armin and the woman rushed towards it and you followed along. You were greeted by a blonde girl trying to stab another little girl with brown hair. Mikasa was quick to grab her arm while Armin snatched the knife from her hand.

On the side there was a little blonde boy laying unconscious, and you immediately recognized him. "Falco?" Tears threatened to spill as you rushed to his side. "What happened to him!" Half of his head was bleeding and you noticed he smelled like wine.

"I'm sorry, " You heard someone say from the corner. Why was there so many people from Marley here, you thought. You recognized the man that spoke, it was Niccolo. He would prepare dinner for the staff and patients in the hospital back in Marley. "Niccolo what did you do?" You said sternly. His head was now in his hands as he sobbed.

"He protected me." You heard the brown haired girl whisper.

"WHY!!! WHY DID YOU KILL HER!! SHE WAS NOTHING BUT KIND!!" The blonde girl screeched clawing at Mikasas tight hold.

As if the situation couldn't get worse, the devil himself, pranced in. Eren. It was as if time slowed down as you all watched him lift up his hand that was slit and had blood dripping from it. "Mikasa, Armin, Y/n, I have to tell you something."

"Eren." You breathed out his name.

You, Eren, Mikasa, and Armin sat at a round table with your hands on top because he threatened to kill you if you didn't.

"Eren what are you doing?" Armin spoke up first.

"I need to tell you guys something." Eren responded. You took this time to get a good look at his face. His eyes were cold as he stared at the blonde boy. He was slightly pale and looked like he haven't slept in days, but he looked fine yesterday you thought.

"What made you go attack Marley on your own Eren?" Armin spoke again and a lump caught in your throat as you remeber the tragedy that took place not that long ago. Eren stayed silent and his eyes now rested on the table. "Did Zeke and Yelena really trick you into joining them?"

"I am free." Eren finally said and me, Armin, and Mikasa looked at each other in confusion. "The choices I make are decided from my own free will."

"Eren don't listen to them, you're being manipulated." Mikasa spoke this time, her voice straining. "You killed kids and other innocent lives Eren!" Her deep black eyes flickered to yours. "And you even fell for one of them." You looked away tears threatening to fall. "I know you care about us more than anyone!" She was now out of her chair and pulled at her red scarf, "Eren you are kind! I know you're not like this! Remember when you gave me your scarf..."

"Hands on the table Mikasa." He interrupted her, "I had a brother to brother talk with Zeke and knows a lot more about titans than Marley."

-You furrowed your eyebrows, brother to brother? Zeke as in Zeke...Jaeger. Your mouth hanged slightly agape from this realization.

"Armin you still visit Annie don't you?" He focused his attention to Armin and you noticed how his jaw flexed. "Do you think that's your own free will?"

The blonde boy's eyes were now blown wide while Eren continued, "If memories are what shaped people, part of you is Bertholdt...Within you is the enemy with feelings for another enemy."

"Eren." you croaked your vision blurry, but the tears wouldn't fall.

"You have been manipulated by the enemy Armin."

"Eren thats enough!"Mikasa shouted.

"You too, Mikasa!!!" He shouted back causing you to flinch. You gripped at your gown to calm yourself. "The moment I told you to fight your instincts were awakened...Your people were designed to protect Eldia's King."

"No, you're wrong...It was because of you Eren." Her mouth hanged agape as tears spilled from her eyes.

"Those who aren't free live like livestock." He paused, "I always hated you Mikasa. I hate you for living like a slave, willing to obey any orders I give. IT disgusts me. You disgust me."

"Eren!!!" The blonde pounced on top of the table with rage, but was then slammed to his stomach by Mikasa. The boy gasped as he looked up at her.

"Your entire life has been a waste because you didnt make your own choices." Eren spoke again but calmly and Mikasa let go of Armin as if she realized that what he has said so far may be true.

Armin took this oppurtunity to land a punch to his face. You quickly got out of your chair because the table flipped over. Before Armin could get another punch in, Eren hit him twice as hard and threw him against the case of wine. The whole shelf came tumbling down and you knew the blonde boy wasn't going to win. Eren continued punching his face with all of his strength and his face started to swell up rapidly. All you could do was watch. This wasn't Eren. "You know why we never fought before." Eren grabbed him by his shirt and kneed him in his stomach, "Because it wouldn't be a fair fight." He threw the boy to the ground. You could barely see his blue eyes anymore.

You don't know what compelled you to rush to the boy, but you found yourself checking his neck for a pulse. He was still breathing but was unconscious as you rested your hands on the side of his puffy face. "What is wrong with you?" you said, then looked up. Your tear filled eyes met with Eren's cold ones. "I thought you cared about us?" You rubbed the blonde boy's hair. "You're the real slave." You spit out and he scoffed.

"Who you calling a slave?" He clenched his fist, "You betrayed your home because you fell in love foolishly believing that I actually cared about you." Your heart dropped hearing his words. "Let's go." He said to a few people, assuming that they are on his side. "And bring the kid that killed Sasha." You forgot the kids were still here and you watched as the girl with brown hair was hauled away as she kicked her feet.

You watched as Eren left the room. The blonde boy head rested in your lap and all you felt was nothing. You weren't mad nor sad. You were just nothing. You wish you could feel one emotion, but you couldn't. "It was all a lie." The words fell from your lips as you replayed Eren's words in your mind.

You were betrayed...again.

*

*

*

Follow me on Instagram @//jungjaehoe127

[notanacousticsetcal]

run to you - luke hemmings

summary - luke realizes his feelings for you after tragedy strikes and all he wants to do is run to you. 

warnings - nerves, grief, mention of a car accident

word count - 1.7k

a/n - i dont know what this is or if i like it but if it does well i’ll make a part 2 lmao

Copyright © 2020 @notanacousticsetcal. All rights reserved.

The icy glass of the passenger window was cold against your forehead and you felt the soft hum of the car vibrate against your skin. The snow was starting to stick to the concrete outside and you felt the urge to jump out of the car and make snow angels.

Anxiety and nerves continued to swell in the pit of your stomach as Maya drove, bringing you closer and closer to the very last place you wanted to be. 

Well, that wasn’t entirely true. You did want to see your friends. You hadn’t seen Ash, Mike or Cal in several months due to the circumstances and you also had isolated yourself from your other friends, Maya being pretty much the only person you talked to consistently. Maya was actually bringing you closer and closer to the very last person you wanted to see.

He’d probably be with his new girlfriend, looking all smug and cocky, and you’d be glued to Maya’s side all night, trying not to make eye contact with him or the thin model he had on his arm. 

“We’re here.” Maya pulled you abruptly out of your thoughts and you realized that the car had, in fact, stopped and you would have to get out and face everyone in a minute. 

Maya saw the worry in your eyes and gave your arm a squeeze. “Doll, you got this, alright? You look hot and you're gonna go in there and show Luke what he coulda had, okay?”

You sighed and looked up at Maya with glassy eyes. “I don’t know if I can face him, M.”

“Oh sweetie.” She tugged you quickly into a tight hug and scolded softly into your ear. “He’s not worth any more tears. I know you’re ready for this and I’ll be right there with you the entire time.” She pulled away from you, her hands still gripping your shoulders. “Alright?’

You nodded in understanding and blinked away your tears. You pulled down the sun visor to give yourself one last look and took a deep breath. You got this.

The snow crunched softly under your booties as you approached the front door. Bile began to rise in your throat and your palms got all sweaty but you kept your face stoic and calm. He would not get the satisfaction of seeing you flustered. 

Maya lifted a ring clad hand and gave a few strong knocks before someone called “coming!”

Excitement swelled in you because you knew who that voice belonged to. 

A tall brunette with soft, brown puppy eyes opened the door, beer in hand. “You guys made it!” Calum tugged you in by your shoulders, wrapping you in the biggest bear hug you’d ever experienced. “I missed you, tiny.”

“Cal, I missed you too. So much.” He felt you sniffle and immediately pulled you away from him, concern written on his face. 

“Hey! No tears on New Years.” He immediately began to chuckle to himself.

You stared at him, trying to appear unimpressed and hiding the smile fighting it's way onto your face. “You’re laughing because you rhymed, aren’t you.”

He nodded softly and pulled you under his arm, guiding you and Maya through the door.

“Look who’s here!” Cal smiled proudly, presenting you and Maya to the crowd and you blushed a deep shade of red, hiding your face in Calum’s chest.

Mike immediately engulfed your smaller figure into a giant hug and rambled on about how much he missed you and Crystal kept trying to fight for her turn. You wrapped your arms tightly around her and apologized for not being around as much anymore and then you felt even worse when she started crying, but she insisted that it wasn’t a big deal, she just missed you. 

Next came Ash and KayKay who each gave you warm and welcoming hugs and you talked to them for a while, catching up on their lives and letting them in a little on yours. They insisted that you and Maya get coffee with them sometime and you agreed, so happy that they didn’t take your leave of absence personally. You didn’t want them to feel caught in the middle or that they had to choose between you and Luke once things had escalated 6 months ago. 

You greeted the rest of the party, your eyes finally landing on Luke only to find he was already staring at you. You immediately looked down and then cursed yourself for being so passive.

6 months ago, you confessed your feelings for Luke in Michael’s backyard at a party and nothing had been the same since. You were so sure he felt the same way but as soon as the words came out of your mouth, he clammed up and stopped talking to you. It was some of the worst pain you’d ever felt. Not only the pain of rejection from someone you had romantic feelings for, but also the pain of losing your best friend. 

You had gotten a good look at the girl tucked under his arm. She had shorter blonde hair and tanned skin and the build of a Victoria’s Secret model. A stereotypically gorgeous girl -- the type you often compared yourself to. It made you think about all the things she had that you didn’t. Luke picked her over you.

About 2 hours into the night -- it was close to 9 now -- you sat on the couch with Maya watching Ashton act something out in charades. 

Luke’s phone starts ringing from across the room. You know it's his because his ringtone is spongebob music. He sits up, pushing the blonde girls legs off of his lap and excusing himself to take the call. He seemed concerned, but you told yourself it wasn’t your job to worry about him anymore. 

About 20 minutes had gone by and Luke hadn’t returned which was a little worrisome. 

You sat up from the couch and grabbed your glass to go get a refill from the kitchen, attempting to push Luke out of your mind.

“Want anything?” You asked Maya. She shook her head, “I’m good, thanks.”

You padded down the hall, your feet bare, and grabbed the wine bottle left open on the counter. The red liquid slowly funneled out of the glass and you practically jumped out of your skin when you saw Luke standing in the doorway. You had to stop yourself from looking down at his black button up or the patch of exposed pale skin peaking through the unbuttoned top of it. 

You were trying to decide whether to scold him for scaring you or ignore him when you noticed how puffy and red his eyes were and how empty he looked. 

“Hi…” You said, not really sure how else to approach this situation. He was really worrying you. 

Luke ran a hand through his hair and approached the island. With a screech, he pulled one of the stools out and plopped himself down on it. His head immediately fell into his hands and he let out an exasperated groan, shaking his head slowly back and forth. 

You stood there, uncomfortable and in shock, without a single clue on what to do with the sad boy in front of you. It didn’t feel right to leave him there after he approached you first so you stood there awkwardly, taking a big swig of the fresh red wine in your glass to fight the anxious ramble you were sure to let out soon if he didn’t say anything. 

After a minute of painful silence, Luke picked his head up and looked at you. Because he was so close, you could really see his pink tear stained cheeks and his glassy eyes. You tried to ignore how your heart broke for him -- you were supposed to be over him.

“Just got a call from my mum,” he said. His throat bobbed and he licked his lips. 

You gave him a quizzical look, expecting him to continue.

“My uh -- god.” Luke shook his head and gripped his hair tightly. He sucked in a sharp breath. “My brother, Ben, and his wife got in a car accident about an hour ago.” 

You gasped, clapping a hand to your mouth. You had met Ben several times since you and Luke had known each other. Always a kind soul and the life of the party. “Oh my god. Is he alright?”

Luke’s bottom lip began to quiver and he pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and middle finger. You could tell it was taking everything in him to hold his composure. “He’s in a coma. They don’t know if or when he’ll come out of it.” 

Without a second thought, you practically ran around the island to Luke and pulled him tightly into a hug. He melted into you, both his arms folding over your shoulders and his face tucking into the crook of your neck. Immediately, your shirt began to dampen with the tears he stopped trying to hold back and you ran your hands up and down his back soothingly. “I’m so, so sorry, Lu.” There was nothing you could say to make his hurt go away, all you could do was be there.

He tried to keep his sobs quiet so the others wouldn’t come looking, but even his soft cries were the most tortured sounds you’d ever heard. Hearing his pain brought tears to your eyes.

“Lu, god, Lu, I’m so sorry,” you repeated, holding his head and placing a kiss on his shoulder.

After a few minutes, his sobs ceased and he began to pull back from you, sniffling. You handed him a tissue and he gladly accepted, giving you the most genuine smile he could muster in the moment. 

“I’m sorry for unloading that on you.” He kicked his feet under the counter distractedly. 

You shook your head. “You don’t need to apologize.” 

Luke laughed bitterly. “Yeah, yeah I do. What I did to you… I regret it every single day.”

You shifted your feet uncomfortably. “We don’t have to talk about that.”

“Yes, yes we do. Because… because I lost my best friend.” You looked down at your fingers and fiddled with your rings anxiously. “Now might not be the most ideal time to say this, but I feel like I have to. Not only did I lose my best friend… but I’ve always loved you too. My feelings for you are so strong that my first instinct was to run. I was afraid of losing myself in you. Or the kind of heartbreak I’d experience if I ever lost you. But not trying is so much worse and I know that now.” Luke bit his lip. “I love you. And I don’t think I even fully realized it until 20 minutes ago when I got the worst news I’ve probably ever received in my life... and the first thing I wanted to do was run to you.”

[dannyphantom-justiceleauge]

2/2 as for Jazz I dont think her obsessions psychology--thats her passion. But making sure Dannys ok/not alone? She does constantly fret over him in canon. Maddie IS hard tho. maybe its not so much obsession as it is regret that makes her ghost, depending on if she knew about Phantom. Imagine all the regrets she had about hurting Danny before she knew, or all the things she couldnt do to help him after she did. Its a lot of guilt--it may not be happy but the existence of a ghost isnt meant to be

now i’m kinda imagining jazz just living in danny’s layer and making sure he’s okay at the end of his missions. like she’s the family he can rely on being there at the end of the day. i find it a little odd to be that close with your sibling, hell he probably gets annoyed sometimes, but at the same time, after the particularly rough days he really appreciates her. she is the most balanced and human of the ghosts probably. she definitely extends her sister instincts to include all of danny’s friends and dani, and to a lesser extent her parents. i also can see her hanging out with johnny and kitty when danny is on a mission, which is just cute friendship content.

maddie regretting being a bad mother is painful but also has an amount of logic. she’d shot her own son on multiple occasions. she was always more serious and more accurate when it came to taking phantom than jack was. jack cared taking down phantom but he cared about hunting all ghosts. he was a lot bluster and his shots almost never hit. i think even though maddie found out danny was a halfa before she died, she’d still carry that guilt to the grave.might make her similar jazz in she could become obsessed with taking care of danny and being a good mother. only she takes the care to a negative extreme. where jazz is mature and normal about it, maddie might be more dangerous and scary about it.

this could be an ongoing tragedy, a mark that dying isn’t always hunky-dory and that ghosts don’t have control of what they become when they die. Maddie isn’t a rational ghost, her personality is different, she can be dangerous and is only really calm when she has one of her kids around. the family are all kinda sad to see her like this. i think jack and dani are the main ones that look after her and she mostly stays in her lair, a perversion of their original home. they all take time spending time with her and keeping her happy. and if she goes too long without seeing danny she starts to freak out and get violent. they all do their best and the love is still there. it’s just an issue.

i don’t know how vlad would react to this version of maddie, but i doubt she’d react well to him.he’d hurt her baby boy worse then she had after all. she probably reacts violently to his presence and attacks him on sight. danny, for as sad he is about his mom losing herself, still find the incidents where she attacks vlad hilarious.

if there’s a way to get her back to the maddie she used to be, they’ll find it. they are certainly trying - Hestia

[dealingdreams]

Okay TROS thoughts...here we go. I’m putting them all below the cut in case somehow you’ve avoided spoilers

so general thoughts...i didnt hate it nearly as much as i thought i would so thats pleasant but im gonna break it down more

things i liked:

Adam Driver.  just Adam. Fucking. Driver my dudes. This is like a backhanded compliment because JJ is so fucking lucky Adam was cast because the emotional depth of the film rested literally all on his shoulders for me. I only felt the weight if he was acting in a scene. 

I’ll admit im biased but I did adore the interaction between Finn and Poe. Their bickering amused me and the tenderness between them was wonderful...I think Oscar played Poe a bit jealous as well which i liked.

the Reylo scenes to me where beautiful. Ben never lied to her, she tried to deny it but she knew he never did. I loved that he was kinda guiding her, protecting her, loving her, and antagonizing her all at once. I loved how soft their kiss was, their smiles are literally the light of my life. Rey’s face when she healed him. Ben just staring at her as she tells him she did want to take his hand...just chef’s kiss

I loved the saber fights. Ben’s fight at the beginning was hot as fuck...and his fight as newly redeemed Ben Solo was even hotter somehow.

 I enjoyed the fight scenes between ben and rey! how often ben just let her walk away, and despite that one scene which i will mention below...i like i even tho rey was rather aggressive idk...it didnt really feel like she was trying to hurt him much either? i just think they had a lot of chances to kill each other and didnt take it...so i like that

i knew she was looking at ben in that clip i knew it...she only makes that soft face at him

I always enjoy stupid ass C3PO jokes for some dumbass reason

Han and Ben’s scene was heartbreaking and beautiful. Again tho JJ is fucking lucky to cast Adam cause recycling dialogue from TFA wouldnt have worked at all had Adam not been so fucking amazing

the save chewie hall blaster scene was fun 

i liked how fucking dramatic children ben and rey were with that damn ship lol...no im gonna force pull it...no im gonna...what dorks

while i didnt like the entire way the force bond was used i did enjoy seeing it still strong and growing

confirming canon soulmate reylo was a highlight

ben’s hair looked bomb

finn’s outfit was cool

Jannah was beautiful (please correct me if i misspell her name)

dark rey was glorious tho 

that new little droid is literally me so i adore it

that sith cave thing was really fucking cool looking 

the visuals of the film were most of the time stunning 

sooooo...now to what i didn’t like:

I think this first one is the most obvious for those who know me but...Ben’s death just feels so utterly useless to me. especially when they gave him a metaphorical death earlier in the film. i feel extremely hurt and betrayed. Disney has gone out of their way to make us sympathize with Ben Solo. They’ve revealed more and more of his past...how alone he was, the abuse he suffered from snoke and palpatine. just fuck...they just kill him...the moment he realizes he’s free and loved they end his life....literally WHAT THE FUCK. it’s a chicken shit way out of a redemption arc honestly. Not letting u just breath after his death was also so horrible. We barely got to see Rey mourn, we got a split second of it then it jumped to another scene...another second of her looking sadly at her sabor to have the moment interrupted 

tag on to above but...they didnt have him as a force ghost cause Disney is intentionally keeping where he is ambiguous so they can sell more shit which pisses me off so much

thats not how the force works

there couldnt have been that many sith could there??? cause like there can only be 2 at one time....fucking rule of 2 so how the hell were there that many

palps being like...see i actually want you to kill me...is ridiculous

rey palpatine is the most idiotic thing i have ever heard. Rey being a no one from no where was such an amazing thing. Just anyone can be strong in the force...you dont need royal blood to make you worth something....then they just retcon that??? the fuck I MEAN THE FUCK. 

Finn does nothing but worry about Rey the whole film. I know folks dont like his storyline in TLJ and while i understand that and do think it could have been written better i still adore it because Finn grew. He grew from just caring about a small group of people to caring about an idea to caring about something bigger than him. I didnt see any growth in his character in this film. His heroics were beautiful to see and I enjoyed seeing his heart but that was John’s acting more than the writing it think. 

sidelining rose was fucking disgusting 

the trio felt forced to me

the leia scenes didnt work for me honestly and they mostly just made me sad

bringing in lando now felt weird 

ive wanted force sensitive finn for a while but didnt feel right

why the fuck have finn want to tell rey something but never do...ugh i hate storytelling like that

they never explained how palps is back...he just is

rey stabbing ben felt odd to me. i loved the moment when she healed him, and i know technically her anger and darkside was coming out and she acted on instinct...nevermind that even before leia called out to him ben coudnt follow thru with the killing blow. 

....i’m sure i’ll think of more as i get angrier 

anyways over all...id be lying if moments didnt make me laugh or smile...if i didn’t feel a sense of nostalgia and enjoyment for 80% of this movie. The thing is that even with so much of it being enjoyable to me it still felt void. An action movie, with new characters, a confusing plot and very minimal emotional depth.

The emotion hinged soooo much on Adam or me. The biggest reason for that aside from that fact that Ben Solo is one of my all time favorite characters, is that the things Rey is dealing with in the film are directly related to her being a palpatine...and i HATE THAT. Like straight up wanna fling it into the sun. 

Rey never needed to be related to a force royal bloodline. She should have been allowed to remain strong because she was just strong. Kylo’s equal in every way, not because she was the granddaughter of a sith which btw you can’t inherit force powers. Retconing something so touching and unique from TLJ was just...fucking idiotic. All to please the loud but small misogynistic fandom that thought a woman couldnt be that strong on her own so she must be related to someone

The biggest thing....tho is killing Ben. it felt so unnecessary and just...i feel so betrayed. The interviews leading up to the film got my hopes up that i was worried for nothing. I always thought they’d kill him, because cinema seems to not know what to do with characters has tragic as him without just killing him in the end. we already got a redemption = death plotline in this franchise...why couldnt we get a redemption = life instead??? My friend who doesnt even like sw that much...tros was actually the 2nd sw fim she’s ever seen...thought it was unnecessary as well and agrees with me a lot about my feelings despite not having the same intense emotional attachment to him as me. She for a moment thought they’d be together at the end but nope. Its just...pointless to me now, the sacrifices han, luke, and leia made to reach Ben are for nothing. Their deaths...pointless...Ben means so fucking much to me. I’ve never felt such an intense emotional bond with a character before so im just hurting so fucking much right now.

Rey taking the name Skywalker isnt hopeful or cute its a slap in the face honestly...and it’s just weird! 

The last Skywalker died loved and held by the woman he loved and that is beautiful to me. He died happy and a hero thats a balm at least...but to not let him be the one to kill palpatine...after everything EVERYTHING he put him and his family thru was another just fuck...i wanted justice for him and he just got thrown away

Ultimately...Ben and Rey are soulmates and their force bond was severed. Palpatine didnt take that from them because he couldnt have...again not how the force works....but JJ used that bond to be a battery???? the fuck...but ultimately hes forcing Rey to live the rest of her days with a gaping wound in her soul. a wound unable to be filled and will be with her for the rest of her life...thats so fucking tragic to me. you give rey someone who is her equal, who understands her, and you take him from her and force her to be alone for the rest of her life?? and we are supposed to not see that as a tragedy? Her being fineishness at the end of the film seemed like direction from either the writing or in the moment, but just further proves he didnt bother to even understand the lore he was using. Force bonds were considered i quess legends in the current SW canon but Rian brought it back...so it’s back. and well

  "A bond between two living beings is not something easily broken. It is not a choice… it is like breaking a feeling. Like turning away from the Force. To break a bond, your feelings would have to change, or one of you would have to die—but even then, the bond wouldn't go away, it would simply… it would simply be empty, a wound."―Master Zez-Kai Ell[src]

and .... the only way to break it was to turn away from the Force, as Surik did on Malachor V. So basically it all came down to creating a wound in the Force”

sooo yeah...im pissed i’d give this movie a 1 1/2 out of 5 

thank you for those who have read my rantings! I hope at least some of this made sense

[trashcanakin]

TONY STARK BINGO 2019 - ROUND 2 MASTERPOST

@tonystarkbingo

CARD 1  [See under read more]

S1 Name of Piece: N/A Link: https://trashcanakin.tumblr.com/post/183577841573/for-tsb-s1-shapeshifters-it-goes-along-with Square Filled: S1 - Shapeshifters Rating: Gen Warnings: None Summary: Fanart for @mistrstank’s fic. [Winteriron]

S2 Name of Piece: N/A Link: https://trashcanakin.tumblr.com/post/185779816358/made-for-tonystarkbingo-s2-tony-in-workshop Square Filled: S2 - Tony In Workshopp Rating: Gen Warnings: None Summary: [Moodboard] Tony in his workshop

S3 Name of Piece: N/A Link: https://trashcanakin.tumblr.com/post/185146814033/made-for-tonystarkbingo-s3-royalty-after Square Filled: S3 - Royalty Rating: Teen Warnings: None Summary: Moodboard & Headcanon/Prompt, Winteriron

S4 Name of Piece: N/A Link: https://trashcanakin.tumblr.com/post/185691778578/made-for-tonystarkbingo-s4-christine-everhart Square Filled: S4 - Christine Everhart Rating: Gen Warnings: None Summary: Fanart, Tony & Christine

S5 Name of Piece: N/A Link: https://trashcanakin.tumblr.com/post/185755039228/made-for-tonystarkbingo-s5-bruce Square Filled: S5 - Bruce Banner Rating: Gen Warnings: None Summary: [Moodboard, Science Bros/Science Husbands]

T1 Name of Piece: N/A Link: https://trashcanakin.tumblr.com/post/185753997878/made-for-tonystarkbingo-t1-picture-of-old-tony Square Filled: T1 - [PICTURE] Old Tony from comics Rating: Gen Warnings: None Summary: [Fanart] Literal Silver Fox Tony

T2 Name of Piece: Denial Is A Drug I Don’t Need Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19320019 Square Filled: T2 - Denial Rating: Gen Warnings: Hopeful ending Summary: [Drabble, Pre Winteriron] When Bucky confessed, Tony walked away. It was the stupidest decision he’d ever made.

T3 Name of Piece: N/A Link: https://trashcanakin.tumblr.com/post/183900948198/for-tsb-t3-maria-hill-in-which-maria-hasta-deal Square Filled: T3 - Maria Hill Rating: Gen Warnings: None Summary: [Fanart, Tony & Maria Hill] In which Maria hasta deal with the new director after Fury decides that he’s had it with these motherfuckin’ Avengers.

T4 Name of Piece: N/A Link: https://trashcanakin.tumblr.com/post/185144689118/aw-look-buck-he-still-likes-you-even-when-hes Square Filled: T4 - De-Aged!Tony Rating: Gen Warnings: None Summary: [Fanart] In which Bucky is angry that his boyfriend got de-aged an’ Steve makes fun’ve ‘im for it like a good bro. [Tony & Bucky]

T5 Name of Piece: N/A Link: https://trashcanakin.tumblr.com/post/185138681903/made-for-tonystarkbingo-t5-arena-au-bucky-goes Square Filled: T5 - Arena Rating: Teen Warnings: Blood, Slavery Summary: [Moodboard & Prompt] Bucky goes missin’ on a mission, assumed KIA. Years later, Tony & Steve end up teamed up on a mission, they get kidnapped an’ thrown into a gladiator ring to fight for their lives.

A1 Name of Piece: N/A Link: https://trashcanakin.tumblr.com/post/184955828863/made-for-tonystarkbingo-a1-mind Square Filled: A1 - Mind Control/Brainwashing Rating: Gen Warnings: None Summary: [Fanart] Tony as the Winter Soldier.

A2 Name of Piece: Only In New York Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19422181 Square Filled: A2 - Only In New York Rating: Teen+ Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Animal/Creature Death, Crack treated seriously Summary: [Pre-Winteriron] Tony and Bucky go out on a mission, it definitely does not go as planned. it was supposed to be a simple mission, what did they do to deserve this?

A3 Name of Piece: N/A Link: https://trashcanakin.tumblr.com/post/185778652918/for-tsb-square-a3-free-space-somefaun-druid Square Filled: A3 - FREE Rating: Gen Warnings: None Summary: [Fanart] Fawn/Druid Tony

A4 Name of Piece: N/A Link: https://trashcanakin.tumblr.com/post/185120854658/created-for-tonystarkbingo-a4-picture-tony-in Square Filled: A4 - [Picture] Tony in Captain America uniform, from comics. Rating: Gen Warnings: None Summary: [Fanart] Tony as Captain America.

A5 Name of Piece: Total Eclipse Of The Heart Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19034698 Square Filled: A5 - Mates [Chapter 1] Rating: Mature Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Implied/Referenced Torture, Canon Typical Violence Summary: [Pre/Eventual Winteriron] Tony Stark didn’t have a soulmate. That was known, and had been known since he was born. His mother birthed him, crying, naked, and completely unmarked.

Bucky Barnes had a soulmate, once, but that time had long since passed. His mark was on his arm, the one he lost. Whether the soulbond was severed or not is uncertain, but the 70 years of captivity surely destroyed any hope for finding them.

Then there was the eclipse.

The planets aligned casing the Earth in a dark shadow, but when the light shined down among her once more, nothing was the same.

R1 Name of Piece: N/A Link: https://trashcanakin.tumblr.com/post/182794172798/tsb-r1-au-steampunk-in-a-world-unlike-our Square Filled: R1 - Steampunk Rating: Gen Warnings: None Summary: [Moodboard & Prompt, Tony&Bucky/Winteriron]

R2 Name of Piece: N/A Link: https://trashcanakin.tumblr.com/post/183954598628/in-which-james-bucky-barnes-works-for-the-nypd Square Filled: R2 - AU: Cop/Detective/FBI Rating: Gen Warnings: None Summary: [Moodboard, Winteriron/Tony & Bucky] M.I.B. AU

R3 Name of Piece: Hot Water Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17732378 Square Filled: R3 - Hot Water Rating: Teen+ Warnings: None Summary: [Winteriron, Pre-Slash] Steve an’ Tony are college roommates. Steve invites Tony to come along on his weekend vacation, where all Steve’s childhood friends will be. Tony goes. Shenanigans.

R4 Name of Piece: N/A Link: https://trashcanakin.tumblr.com/post/183950729768/for-tsb-r4-its-a-picture-lmao-please-dont Square Filled: R4 - [Picture] Tony & Pepper Rating: Gen Warnings: None Summary: [Fanart] Tony & Pepper/Pepperony

R5 Name of Piece: N/A Link: https://trashcanakin.tumblr.com/post/183920615783/for-tsb-r5-thor Square Filled: R5 - Thor Rating: Gen Warnings: None Summary: [Fanart, Thunderiron/Tony & Thor] Tony comforts Thor ‘cause he’s sad.

K1 Name of Piece: Damsels (And Others) In Distress Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19312978 Square Filled: K1 - Damsels (And Others) In Distress Rating: Gen/Not Rated Warnings: None Summary: [Winteriron & Team as Family] In which there is hot pink paint and tons of laughter.

K2 Name of Piece: N/A Link: https://trashcanakin.tumblr.com/post/185310164078/villaintony-for-tonystarkbingo-k2-good Square Filled: K2 - Good Guys Gone Bad Rating: Gen Warnings: None Summary: Fanart, Villain Tony

K3 Name of Piece: N/A Link: https://trashcanakin.tumblr.com/post/185142207653/made-for-tonystarkbingo-k3-old-team-years-after Square Filled: K3 - Old Team Rating: Gen Warnings: None Summary: [Moodboard, Team as Family] Years after the Avengers retired, handin’ off their mantles to a newer set of young heroes; our favourite OG6 decide t'take a trip. They’ve all moved on since then, have their own families, own homes, are livin’ a happy retirement. But every year on the same date, they all get together an’ take a trip to a new place! What better way t'see the world they all helped save than travel.

K4 Name of Piece: Nothing Burns Like The Cold Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19336852 Square Filled: K4 - Battle/Fight/Confrontation [Chapter 1] Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Not Team Cap Friendly, Dark-Ish Tony Stark Summary: [Gen, Possible Winteriron] Tony Stark has struggled, suffered; been beaten down again and again. Friendships and family bonds broken, shattered. Tragedy can change a man. Is the team ready for the outcome of disaster?

K5 Name of Piece: A Heart Beats At Midnight Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18406034 Square Filled: K5 - Past Tense [In chapter 1] Rating: Teen+ Warnings: Slightly team cap critical Summary: [Winteriron] Tony & Bucky grow closer an’ finally get together. It’s soft.

CARD 2

S2 Name of Piece: There Is No Success Without Sacrifice Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20010322 Square: S2 - Without Fear Rating: Teen+ Warnings: Kidnapping, Murder, Canon Typical Violence, PTSD, Non-Graphic Violence Summary: The rogues were back and Tony Stark was fine; he was! Avoiding or fighting with the members of Team Cap is just par for the course, right? He didn’t really hate them, of course; but he tends to get wrapped up in his own head and thinks he knows what someone needs. Read: Not Him.

When a group of armed men blow up a building and threaten to take one of them, Tony does what he does best, he acts on instinct.

Will his self-sacrificing ways turn out for the best this time?

T2 Name of Piece: Memory Isn’t All We Are Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19872952 Square: T2 - Reunion Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Car Accident, (Temporary) Memory Loss Summary: After the accident, Bucky couldn’t remember anything about the life he had. People would tell him things if he’d asked, but there were no memories that followed, just facts and feelings. But feelings are tricky things, Bucky discovered.

Then there was Tony Stark, a man he couldn’t remember, but knew he loved.

Is it possible to fall for the same man twice?

A1 Name of Piece: Love Is a Choice, and I Chose You Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19972804 Square: A1 - Spy, Secret Agent, Assassin, or Hitman Rating: Teen+ Warnings: Canon Typical Violence Summary: Bucky and Tony are sent out on a mission; they discover a lot along the way. (Soulmate AU)

A3 Name of Piece: Tell Me Your Name, I Need To Know Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19907770 Square: A3 - FREE Rating: Teen+ Warnings: (Slightly) Anti-Team Cap Summary: Tony is overworked and underappreciated, always pushing his limits and not taking care of himself well; but someone decides to take care of Tony for a change.

Tony just wishes he knew who it was.

R3 Name of Piece: I’ll Sneak Into Your Heart, As You Did Mine Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19947577 Square: R3 - Canon: MCU (Post-CA:CW) Rating: Teen+ Warnings: Not Team Cap Friendly Summary: After the rogues returned to the states, things were a little hairy, at best. The rift between Team Cap and Team Iron Man was still, unfortunately, a thing. So Bucky and Tony come up with the plan to sneak out when no one’s looking to spend time together.

The other’s may not approve of their friendship, but their choices are their own.

[unofficialmarvel]

can we please have average superheroes for once? like a real dumb guy? And I don’t mean “ohhh this guy stuck his finger in a socket even though he knew what would happen, what an IDIOT, also he got a full ride to MIT and invented a machine to save the world uwu” i mean just a real average guy. Grades fluctuate between A-Es. They struggle academically sometimes and sometimes they don’t. They got a lot of street smarts and a really big heart. They’re a real average student; they stick out more for their personality and persistence than their grades. They really aren’t cut out for hero work, not at first, because you gotta think real fast to do it, but they haven’t learned to make split second decisions that are still thought out that aren’t on instinct. They panic, they’re visibly and loudly afraid, they make bad decisions because they actually really didn’t know any better. They apply their school work to their hero work, because that’s what their teacher said will help them learn: “HEY VILLAIN I LEARNED IN SCHOOL THE OTHER DAY IF YOU USE SULFUR HEXAFLOURIDE YOUR VOICE WILL BE LOWER BECAUSE ITS LESS DENSE THAN AIR BUT I DONT REALLY UNDERSTAND *WHY* ITS LESS DENSE THAN AIR AND HOW THAT AFFECTS OUR VOCAL CHORDS AND ITS NOT REALLY MY HOMEWORK BUT I DIDNT WANT TO BUG MY TEACHER SO CAN YOU HELP ME OUT? YOU SEEM CHEMICALLY INCLINED”

“WOAH DUDE, IS THAT MUSTARD GAS? FIRST OF ALL RUDE SECOND OF ALL I THINK I LEARNED HOW TO MAKE THAT IN CLASS BUT REMIND ME OF THE FORMULA”

“listen can we wrap this up? I have a really hard bio test tomorrow and I’m failing the class.”

and that helps them, bit by bit, to get better. They don’t have some sort of complex that makes them stay out too late because “what if I could help and I didn’t!!!” cuz they already know that tragedy happens everywhere, constantly, and they can’t help everyone, and sometimes helping causes more damage, so sometimes the best way of helping is sitting back. nobody wants to be robbed or murdered or held at gunpoint, but it happens. there’s no what if, because if you start asking what if questions, you might as well absolve yourself of any responsibility because all you’re gonna do is drive yourself into the dirt. “a good hero picks and chooses their battles” they say. “i won’t be a good hero if im wired constantly wondering if I could have saved the woman on 26th street.”

and oh yeah, they tell their friends. Their friends are gonna become targets anyway, they might as well know. now there’s more people working to keep it a secret at large rather than just one guy who gets his ass kicked to next Sunday week in and week out

[faunusrights]

OFFAL HUNT REMASTERED LIVEBLOG // CHAPTERS 10 + 11

we had a week of peace and now we’re gonna get annihilated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have no clue how long this liveblog may end up but hell and high water i’m combining them both

she tore the jade pendant from her neck and flung it into the darkness.

let’s give a warm welcome, to sadness,

i’m very excited for all-new cinder content hhhhhhh if u havent gathered by now I Love This Bitch and I Love Her Many Problems so im thankful for this gift 😞

Cinder was a ruin, her pride carved and served like slabs of meat.

i can FEEL diesel n kc rly patting themselves on the back for every bit of wet meat they can toss at me!!!!!!!!!! U HEAR THAT I CAN FEEL U!!!!!!!!!!! but also i still love this shit w/ all my heart!!!!!!!!!! IM NEVER GONNA STOP SAYIN IT

She had never looked at Glynda’s files.

im so sorry cinder baby but that whole thing? is still HILARIOUS oh my GOD i cannot believe you fucked up that badly. u shoved yr entire head into a beartrap. u absolutely crapped yr pants on that one. yr gonna be thinking abt that on yr deathbed,

/looks at the chapter title again

hhhhhhhh im. so pumped. its gonna be hard to talk abt most of this w/o doing a million fingerguns a minute but i’m gonna try my best

Cinder approached the mirror and touched its silvered face with black-tipped claws,

I SAID IM GONNA TRY MY BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She was iron barbs beneath the nail bed, glowing coals underfoot, the singular capacity to do harm. She was a beast, armed with fang and claw and a deep, dark void where her compassion should have laid, and she was dressed for dinner.

HHHHHH god YES THIS IS THE CINDER IM THIRSTY FOR............ i literally cannot say anything that isnt a massive 👈😎👈 but AAAAAAA

like im reading thru this and i cant cherry-pick lines this whole bit? is SO GOOD...  kc n diesel are Yet Again obliterating me w/ their mastery of the narrative style of offal hunt and i just love all of this i rly wish i could explain how offal hunt is EXACTLY MY BRAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! F U C K

The final touch on her mastercraft disaster: the four sawed-off horn stumps which grew among her silver-streaked hair.

HOOOO B O I i am. Losin it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE HER HORNS.......... CINDR...............

Wretchedly, she wondered: did Glynda even respect her now?

any other villain: my plan didnt work and im mad >:( cinder fall: my plan didnt work and now im mad but also mostly sad :(

CINDER’S TRYING HER BEST GOD.......... i literally hate how the remaster has made her So Soft, Actually... I BELIEVE IN U CINDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE U!!!!!!!!!!!!! DO YR BEST

Every part of her was hot and hollow. She was sick with loathing.

i LOVE HER.... CINDER I HOPE U KNO THAT YR LOVED... god tho i dont like how SAD I AM RN... cinder’s so small and the world is so big and wants 2 Shit On Her blease

honestly like. im rly- LOOK I SAID THIS BEFORE BUT. this is why im rly lovin the new cinder content because in the first version we only got glimpses of her internal machinations and now we’re in full-blown Always Sad territory and everything is suffering :)

She blinked. Her double did not.

‘well’, thought murphy. ‘that’s terrifying.’

she’d only survived thanks to a keen instinct for danger, cultivated during her tenuous teenage years.

i NEED. I NEED. CINDER BACKSTORY. all these lil nuggets dont constitute a meal! I WANT A BIG MAC AND FRIES. WHAT THE HELL WAS THIS BABY DOING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

also again. the body horror of offal hunt? peak content. Im Lovin It

its getting harder to divine what is and what is not a 👈😎👈 because we got bits sprinkled around and theres only rly a spoiler potential if u glue em all together so im still being extra careful and the answer is blared in everyones faces so this whole kondor scene will go uncommented unless some Bullshit Happens which it will, so,

When she had become so invested in Glynda’s approval? When had a desire to be recognized as something inhuman, something ferocious, something black and terrible and capable of keeping up with Glynda Fucking Goodwitch turned into this?

oh! oh! i have the answer! i do! i know the answer! it’s you a lesbian,

The spectres of her youth haunted this city, owl-eyed children and fox-eared teens. They’d been a second sort of family, the only kind she’d had within these walls, and she’d wondered what had become of them in the past decades, but…

It was too sentimental, and she wasn’t meant to be a creature of sentiment.

oh boy okay wow

okay so actually this bit made me cry??? fuck OFF im losing it!!!!!!!! LET HER BE SENTIMENTAL!!!! LET HER HAVE PPL TO CARE ABT!!!!!!!!!! IM LITERALLY CRYING IM GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!

She would go barefoot from this point on, her heels clutched at her side. When she left the hotel room to steal into the night, she promised herself not to look back.

im sorry im just. so sad rn. i havent cried over a fic in YEARS and we still have another chapter ago i hate this SO MUCH..............

here comes chapter 11 

if i cry even once more im going to stab!!!!!! im not sure what BUT ILL STAB!!!!!!!!!!!!

Even without his wings, the Manticore would easily have been twice the size of any of the other Grimm, far outstripping them in sheer bulk.

HATI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HATI HATI HATI

holy shit we actually get to see him this time!!!!!!!!!!! WE GET TO SEE THIS LEGENDARY BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS CHONCC,

also hes a manticore now which is, Radical, may i just say, and just a little bit sexy,

The effortless grace in each move betrayed power most Grimm would not live to achieve. Once he stood, he had to dip his head low to meet her eye to eye. His canines were the length of her forearm.

if u werent here for the remaster? we never even SAW hati but now hes here, hes Big, and rly thats all that matters,

Like a child who’d been allowed to lie and lie until at last they’d strangled themself in the web they’d spun, Cinder couldn’t speak. Could only wait on his verdict.

every single one of cinder’s inherent themes is killing me and this business w/ family? stop. im dying. this is rude

The scant space between them popped and cracked like an sparking flame, warm and effervescent, and this time, Cinder lingered, hugging Hati close.

IF I CRY ONCE MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I MEAN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF U ASSHOLES MAKE ME CRY ONCE MORE I WILL DOXX YOU,

aaaaaaaaaaaaaah im loving this content i rly dont have words for it dhjfgsdfgjh i just, rly like the words, and the order theyre in, and i honestly keep forgetting to liveblog it cause i just wanna READ EM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tempting as it was—as it always had been, ever since she’d left the relative safety of the wastes and learned what happened to scraggly-limbed teens with horns and fangs and gleaming eyes—

with every chapter i desperately have 2 kno more abt baby cinder i HAVE to know i am so. UNBEARABLY CURIOUS... baby cinder what happened... what happened 2 u....

A lantern’s glow warmed her, bleeding into the darkness leeching at them both. It was a gentle gold across her skin, and like an answering signal from a distant outpost, Cinder saw a flush of light through the dark fur lining Hati’s throat, as though flames licked at his insides.

i forgot. that cinder glows like that when she feels Loved or full of pride and you know what i dont like these chapters. they were made to hurt me and i Dont Like That (im mclovin it)

From the safety of Hati’s neck, she found it easier—after all this time, he was still her bastion.

WHEN YOU REALISE? THAT YR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES?? STOP,

For a regular person, the machine would be able to draw out short bursts of power, the likes of which no Semblance could ever channel. The taxation would eventually destroy the soul so deeply, so thoroughly, as to leave it empty for good.

For a Witch? For—

the fact. she cut herself off before she could think ‘for glynda’. has me on the FLOOR. this bit is just So Much i dont like it

Glynda Goodwitch would not abandon this hunt. Cinder knew it, had read it from her palms like an open book—Glynda Goodwitch did not know how to stop. If it had been anyone else on Remnant, they might never return, might never pull themselves back into action after today—but Glynda did not have a shred of self-preservation.

me, knocking against cinder’s head: u kno for someone w/ so many schemes in yr brain yr pretty dumb and gay, huh,

firstly let’s talk abt cinder’s “””””””””””””””””””self-preservation””””””””””””””””””” instin-- whats that? not found? yes

[Glynda’s] eyes were empty, hungry, insatiable.

i feel like ive read this line before! lets jump back a chapter--

In [Cinder’s] eyes, there was a subtle, endless hunger.

WAKE UP CINDER SHE’S YR SOULMATE!!!!!!!!!!! THE COFFEE’S READY U CAN SMELL THE BACON FROM HERE WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

With a fluid leap, they were in the air, the ground quickly shrinking beneath them. Pressing her face against his neck to shield herself from the wind, she closed her eyes and prepared herself for what was to come, trusting Hati to deliver her safely.

that said i ADORE my boy hati is literally the best part of offal hunt kc and diesel do not interact,

He was frozen in horrific anticipation, like watching an imminent tragedy and being absolutely helpless to stop it. Like all the tension was mixed with grief and hopeless, futile fear.

when will offal hunt be nice to me. when will any of these characters get to be happy. hello. im full of sadness.

The sound was like a saw working back and forth, but resonating inside her head, rattling every tooth in her jaw, deafening to her ears.

im literally gritting my teeth at this i can hear it in my own head and its Very Bad!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

okay god i can barely handle to quote anything more this bit is hurting ME so lets swiftly move on before I Die

Cinder closed her weary eyes, sinking into sleep like a shallow grave.

BE NICE TO HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BE NICE TO HER JUST THIS ONCE, PLEASE, IM BEGGING YOU,

They only knew death, only ever sought death; fangs and claws slicked with blood, magic rending meat and marrow apart, and everywhere that choking, scalding heat, spilled blood like magma, like the core of a planet.

hmm... that seems like a 👈😎👈 ~reference~

They were all alert, ears pricked, hackles raised like Hati’s. They all fixed on the same spot, somewhere beyond the darkness of the cave opening, and though she could barely think, she knew:

She was out of time. The Witch was here.

oh no.

okay so THATS CHAPTERS 10 AND 11! i only cried ONCE and u kno what thats. a Victory. these two chapters were VERY GOOD i rly loved em and i can tell new readers r gonna have a blast w/ this shit!!!!!!!!!! meanwhile i, a veteran reader, am full of peril,

terrible.

[homestucky]

ok ok this is like not anything new but still since i havent been on here i havent fully ranted about this yet. big long rant incoming

re the epilogue (spoilers etc)

ok. i have onl y read meat. but fucking? dirk? dirk? ok? dirk??

no.

i am aware of what happens in candy. i know he dies.

i also know in the version i read, in meat, he becomes his ultimate self, all versions of dirk. as many people have said, this includes AR, this includes bro, this includes even to some degree, LE. its an interesting idea ill give you that. but its also.... shitty and not backed enough by well, anything?

so heres my personal rant about the shitty things in Meat.

when i first finished it i couldnt help but think. was the dirk narrative even necessary? on the one hand it was meant to be the MAIN PLOT and it defined the narration etc, but.... it honestly didnt seem to have any importance. i know it was likely  a set up to imply future stuff like making the next sburb or whatever but like

who CARES? why on earth would that be interesting or important? maybe im crazy but like, the ‘b plot’ which was mostly about character relationships and jobs in earth c, was compelling and enjoyable. the narrative with john ‘not important and not the main character anymore’ egbert had details and conclusions ACTUALLY RELATING TO HOMESTUCK, THE COMIC I LIKE AND WANTED TO READ AN EPILOGUE FOR. it was tragic and frankly very upsetting! im not saying i liked it!! but the tragedy felt compelling and significant. 

i appreciate that dirk as narrator IS BIASED so him saying that these narratives are less important is inherently like. not to be trusted but. just. i cant help but feel like you could have cut the whole ‘main dirk reality affecting’ narrative OUT 

and that seems to me maybe like... not good? if such a central part of your narrative has almost no bearing on homestuck or anything anyone cares about?

but im sure there are other people who found it compelling and necessary. thats fair. cant relate but you do you. there are other issues. 

me saying that the dirk narrative felt weirdly isolated and insignificant sounds pretty weird given that it put jade into a coma, manipulated kanayas mind, effectively killed rose and destroyed rosemary right? WELL that brings me on to the next thing. people have noted that meat barely passes the bechdel test. and hey, sometimes things like that can just be a coincidence or unlucky. but the repeated erasure of the female characters minds, motives, identities and autonomy was????  a little too consistent to dismiss. like ok terezi was still her dope self in a lot of ways. jane kinda did some stuff (under dirks direction, and only shitty stuff but . whatever). 

(sidebar: ofc it doesnt make sense to talk about calliope and roxy in the context of the female characters in Meat but either way they were very in the background. like cool an all, and i always love roxy. and i respect they were mostly just minding their own businesses??? which is fair)

 i just. urgh. homestuck has such a genuinely good track record of giving female characters genuine motivations and powerful abilities etc. the fact that almost ALL the female characters involved were working for or manipulated by DIRK. DIRK of all people. is like... is this even based off the real comic? idgi????

roses loss of autonomy.... rose is such an important character. and she goes along with everything dirk says because dirk is suddenly all OP and ‘theyre basically the same person anyway’ like i get that there was some magic bullshit going on or whatever but at the end of the day rose was still written as weak and passive. dirk as strong and skilled and decisive. i get the undertones.. hes a prince of heart. a destroyer of souls, and identities. he messed with kanayas identity , destroyed roses, repeatedly ignored roxys and calliopes, and god i wont even get started on jake yet. but that doesnt make it satisfying to read. or even really feasible.

so theres a possibility im missing something. but im confused about WHY dirk is allowed this power. in the narrative its waved off as a kind of ‘i guess because im like a prince of heart or whatever and im just super good at managing identities and being a strong boy’ like ok if theres some implication somewhere that that is MEANT to be a bogus explanation id be interested to know because it sounds pretty goddamn bogus. why would this happen to dirk? why? literally? one reason? one that makes sense? because there arent any i can think of. why, in the new universe, would dirk, a prince of heart, manifest into a narrative controlling supergod. and fucking WHEN has dirk showed any actual capabilities in this area before?? he KINDA sucked at it in the game. dirks an idiot! hes smart and capable in like, some ways but. its like

why is dirk so powerful suddenly -> its because hes become super ultimate dirk -> ... ok why -> uh because like. hes just so naturally inclined towards being a great manipulator yknow..... canonically.... uhhhh

it just. canon dirk to epilogue dirk is the most ridiculous leap character wise, skill wise, arc wise, personality wise, with minimal reasonable explanation. 

which brings me on to the next thing. so i roasted dirk and said he wasnt strong enough to be able to manipulate things this well. well, obviously through some other means dirk HAS been afforded this power. but what about his personality? its obviously gonna be warped with self importance and knowing how things ‘have to be’. but hes heartless, cruel and hateful. in some ways it seems like canon dirk levels of ruthlessness, especially when it shows that he is actually doing something dumb and petty like his treatment of jake. that shows that he STILL has emotional connection to people as dirk. he also seems to care about some people, like dave and roxy, and cracks jokes and wants to have ‘fun’. this makes the ways in which hes so warped and cruel seem even worse. maybe on the one hand im giving dirk too much credit, everyone knows he has the potential to be a real bastard. but i dont think that was the trajectory he was on when we last saw him. and if this is truly due to him just.. becoming other versions of himself too including LE and bro and stuff..like. i dont see how it could have gotten that bad without say, roxy or dave noticing. 

‘oh they didnt notice because hes just so good at hiding’ why on earth would i believe that!! dave especially this is kinda insulting for. dave is shown to have an almost supernatural ability to detect danger. partially this might be timeline stuff, knight stuff, but also notably im sure his upbringing is involved too. he was trained to be hypervigilant. who was he trained to be hypervigilant for? bro. bros manipulation and traps. near the end of the epilogue we show that dave IS capable of detecting the mindfuckery thats happening. how would that not set off 1 million alarm bells? theres literally apparently a twisted dirk-bro mutant INSIDE HIS HEAD telling him what to do. i just. know that scene was played for comedy and romance but at the very least thats gotta like???? mess with u if ur traumatised? and thats like , why i think dave should have had an inkling abt what was going on!! this is exactly the thing he hates and fears and was traumatised by! and it just going under his nose n him not even knowing , and still pretty recently being all buddy buddy with dirk seems just stupid and infeasible to me. maybe this is me being naive or kind of a stretch but i just feel like daves danger instincts would have been kicking up a whole assed ruckus that whole time. 

also kind of unrelated but i associate sunglasses with strider style toxic masculinity and hiding things so like. ok transitioning or changing gender presentation is one thing but roxy apparently permanently wearing sunglasses makes me NERVOUS

and ill probably wrap up this mighty rant soon but i wanna also say jake was done so fucking dirty. i know he was like, meant to be, because for some reason god dirk just hated him? like ok petty much. but. urgh jake is such an interesting character with a lot of potential and while i appreciate that him being manipulated by someone who may reasonably have a problem with him may make him do stupid and embarrassing stuff, all the narrative seems to have taken a backward step in how hes represented. jake isnt stupid, dirk clearly knew this in canon and he maybe was the only one even including jake. and there was some acknowledgement of this near the beginning of the epilogue. but then for some reason it goes back on itself. everyone still thinks jake is just completely stupid, including the embittered superdirk. so yeah i guess hes upset with jake or whatever but. its still dissatisfying to be like oh yeah jake isnt stupid he actually has a complex set of motivations and potential etc BUT over the X number of yrs on earth c no one else has realised this yet?? hmm. then his narrative is just gonna end up with him being a total joke and essentially becomes as stupid and incompetent as his worst critics say he is. feasible given the mind control ? yeah. enjoyable to read or having any kind of satisfying bearing on anything? nope!

so anyway. i feel like any criticism i have could be argued back with ‘but oh it has to be this way’ or ‘mind control!!’ or ‘not everything has to be nice and happy !!’ but like. dude. there are flaws. many of them. and seeing characters just get shat on is never gonna be good writing. 

[garagesmell]

Hey! I really like your art. It's really pretty :). I'm interested in what extratale is? Can we ask questions on it? If so is there a comic for it? And what is the main story behind it? I would love to know more !! :) will you be making character sheets to tell about their personalities? Sorry for all of the questions I'm just very interested in it :D

Awwww thank you so much sweetie im glad you like my art!!!! 

Shoot man you really caught me off guard with the questions with ExtraTale XD!  Of course you can ask about it dont be scared friend id love to answer any questions for you!! Im flattered that you are interested in my AU! It was under construction for a while so couldn’t give a very good answer for a while but i think i got back on track with it  :D ExtraTale is an AU of Undertale that i knida randomly made.  In regards to a comic being made for it im afraid i dont have the confidence in my skill set to make a comic.  But the main story behind ExtraTale is that its basically like any other Undertale AU.  There are all the well known characters and they live in the underground with each other, but Frisk and Chara both live among the monsters.  Chara having died from her weak physical health brought grief to the royal family and friends of the family. She still resides in the underground due to her soul being taken and used to try and destroy the barrier (It failed though)  After several years of the tragedy, Frisk fell into the underground.  Where Frisk fell she did have the ability to save, restart, etc. She was taken in by the royal family and continued her life in the underground as a part of the residents in the underground.  The “player” in Extratale is AI.  AI in an artificial intelligence (AI haha go figure XD)  AI does posses the ability to save, restart, etc.  AI was created by Gaster.  Their body is 100% mechanical but they contain pieces of human souls from the fallen children that had fallen so many years ago (A small piece of Charas soul being included).  In creating AI, Gaster had to sacrifice a large majority of his soul and very existence in order to give enough strength to the soul fragments to sustain life.

Gaster creating AI was complete secret from any monster in the underground.  He created AI with the task of destroying the barrier.  He hoped that with the combined strength of the human soul pieces and his soul fragments AI would have the strength to destroy it and free all monsters.But the problem is that AI doesn’t really know very much.  They were created with the purpose to destroy the barrier.  It wasnt even known if they are strong enough to destroy it.  They were not taught anything really when they were brought to life.  All they know is the instincts that the souls that comprise AI’s existence carry.  (AI’s journey to destroy the barrier can be a pacifist route, genocide, or neutral.)Due to AI’s creation being a secret, none of the monsters knew if AI was a threat or rather what they actually were anyways.  The underground has seen better days.  Its been such a long time since the monsters saw the surface world and times change, so the underground isnt exactly very child friendly in some locations. With the state of the underground, free XP is pretty great to nay monster who can get their hands on it.   And keeping yourself and your family safe is the most important to any monster. AI is in a sense very young, so they are very eager to learn.  They are very influential, and depending on who influences them directly effects what route will be taken.  

I actually will be making some character sheets.  They will probably just have some brief info on the character and the basic design of them.  Idk im slow sorry XD And again thank you for your interest in ExtraTale! Dont be afraid to ask more questions if you like !! :)

Shoot sorry, this ended up being a reeeeeaally long explanation,,,  I hope i at least answered some of your questions :’D