#i dont want anyone thinking id get mad or anything

[be-good-to-bugs]

UGH why does eating always make me feel like throwing up :/ that is the opposite of what i want

[spacexseven]

GOD I am thinking so hard about yans going after a darling they previously rejected.

like. you have a crush on your coworker, [insert bsd yan here]. ur not subtle about it. ofc yan Knows, so does everyone else who watches you two interact. trouble is, they dont reciprocate. which is ok! theyre allowed to not like you! but they're also a huge dick about it which is the real issue here.

like, they do NOT let you down easy AT ALL. they might even lead you on a bit beforehand if they're the opportunistic type, paying attention to you up until you do what they want and then dropping you until they have another task lined up. they don't feel bad about it. they don't HAVE to indulge in your delusional little crush, be happy theyre paying attention to you at all! eventually they just completely shut you down. maybe you finally work up the courage to ask them out and they laugh right in your face, not able to stifle their amusement at the idea. or maybe you catch them on a bad day and your puppy-like desperation goes from being funny to annoying and they don't mince words when telling you to get lost. you're heartbroken, humiliated, maybe even a bit frightened if they said anything particularly scary in their tirade, and resolve to just avoid them as much as you possibly can from now on. maybe start looking for a new job somewhere else. 

they try to act like losing your attentions doesnt effect them at all, but they really feel your absence. they convince themselves that you're just giving them space after the… incident, but when they go looking around for you and you're nowhere to be found or you coincidentally have to leave whatever room you're in as soon as they enter it they realize that you're avoiding them. it hurts more than they'd like to admit, they find themselves seeking you out much more than they ever have before, only to be disappointed when you notice them looking at you and get visibly uncomfortable or lower your voice so they cant hear you anymore. if they ever DO manage to talk to you, you're freezing cold, all business. on your end, you're just trying not to irritate them, assuming that if they're suddenly staring at you its cuz you're doing something they don't like, but theyre completely torn up about no longer getting your attention. theyre distracted constantly by your sudden distance, no longer able to enjoy outings with coworkers if you don't attend- spending the whole time wondering if you didn't go cuz THEYRE there. now THEYRE the one following YOU around, trying to get back in your good graces in whatever way they can think of. it might start as a childish ploy to regain your attention after your ignoring them caused a blow to their ego, but the more you avoid them the deeper their feelings get. please please PLEASE stop being mad at them! they can't go on if you don't forgive them. 

id imagine it would all come to a head if they found out you were planning on quitting soon, or if they caught you going on a date with someone else in the office. they WONT lose you. they cant.

I think most characters could work with this, but especially dazai, akutagawa, jouno, chuuya, and kunikida (he wouldnt do anything out of malice hed just accidentally be pretty harsh turning you down and then feel like an idiot later.). maybe fyodor and gogol too, with some tweaking. this kinda came out a garbled mess sorry haven't slept in like 3 days lmao.

- 🩹

my friend please get some sleep :< like Seriously you are going to crash very hard at this rate i didn't get to elaborate on a lot here 'cos i wanted to write a little bit for everyone (dazai, chuuya, jouno, techhou, ranpo, akutagawa, kunikida, sigma, nikolai and fyodor) but if there's any particular group/character anyone wants to hear about send me an ask and i'll gladly ramble on and on :>

i can see either dazai or jouno doing this intentionally, genuinely liking to watch you look embarrassed and even teary-eyed at his blunt rejections. whether it's because they really couldn't care less about you or because they were just bored, they lead you on and go on to embarrass you publicly, effectively humiliating you and breaking your heart over and over.

consequently, these two also are hit the hardest when you start ignoring them. this probably happens when your carefully crafted confession is callously crushed, receiving jeering words and scornful laughter in response, and you decide you should move on from the toxicity these two carry.

jouno can sense you sneaking out the room when he enters and he pretends not to notice, but dazai straight up stares at you in a look you might even think of as betrayal if it wasn't such a crazy thought. both of them are beyond furious by your sudden withdrawal and badly concealed attempt at avoiding them. what, did you think you could hang around them for so long, smiling through all the insults and 'jokes' and then decide to one day turn around and drop them like you weren't just following them around every corner the week before?

they latch onto you with an overwhelming fervour, following you into every room and into every meeting, even the one they're not supposed to be in. mess around with your files on purpose so you'd have no choice but to come to them and ask for your things back, manage to grab themselves an assignment with you as their partner, even sit right across you during your lunch break. it's like you can never escape them, no matter how hard you try.

just try quitting, or trying to cling onto someone else. just you try, and it'll be far from an amiable ending. they're both extremely cunning and determined, and it won't end well for anyone ecept themselves.

kunikida, akutagawa and chuuya are the type where they didn't mean to be harsh but because they are so flustered/confused they end up coming out very coldly when they tell you to scram or just stop blabbering. you were only trying to be conversative by mentioning the new café downstaira and asking about their weekend, but either because of the stress of work or their inability to deal with your questions of genuine interest and helpful comments, they usually end up responding rudely. chuuya for one is known to scoff and briskly walk away while you're busy talking, hoping you don't notice his flushed cheeks after you complimented his hair. akutagawa's go to response is to just stare at you and wait for you to trail off, thinking he either did not want to hear you ramble on or he just spaced out, and quickly leave. kunikida...depending on the time of the day and how much of dazai's work he has to clean up after, it's either a resigned sigh as you continue talking (he enjoys your company after a long day, although he'll never admit it) or a sudden, angry burst of words you can barely make out.

confessing to either three is awkward, but in the unlikely scenario that it does happen, despite your belief that they barely tolerated you, they're secretly thrilled but unable to respond, leaving you dejected and them panicked. regardless, when you decide enough is enough and you should probably stop bothering them when they don't seem to want you around, they immediately try to stop you.

for chuuya, this means suddenly transforming into the helpful senior, scaring away other employees who try to dump their work on you and people who try to befriend you, as long as they want to talk to you. your unimpressed reactions only spur him on, deciding if you had nobody else, you'd finally come back to him. for kunikida, this is more subtle, taking on your workload and leaving completed forms and files at your desk, placing an energy drink nearby or someting of the sort. he isn't so reckless as to scare away everyone around you, hoping you'd realize you might have misunderstood him because he was always stressed out and come to befriend him again, as he's smart enough to know frightening you away by coming on too strong is not the best way to go. akutagawa might struggle with the subtle approach, but he tries, really. he starts lingering around you, following you silently in an unintentionally creepy way, even when you go to get something to eat. he hopes thta by sticking around you long enough, you'd recognize his intentions as good and not...anything else.

tecchou and sigma initially wouldn't realize why you kept staring at them and immediately look away when they notice. they're confused by your sudden attention on them, not recognizing the glimmer in your eyes as growing attraction and the pep in your step as enthusiasm.

eventually though, it registers, and they're over the moon. i can see both of them being pleasantly surprised, and even if a romantic relationship isn't in their plans at the moment, they like and appreciate you as a friend. still, after you keep smiling at them and asking them to accompany you for lunch, seeing you do that to anyone else is...unsettling, at the least. especially because they know what kind of intentions these other people have.

suddenly, tecchou's glare feels extremely dangerous, almost like lasers burning into the back of whoever's got your attention, causing them to awkwardly excuse themselves and leave you alone once they catch sight of his intense stare. and sigma (he's a higher up here) is piling on an insane amount of work to your companion, happily accepting your invitation to go out to eat every day of the week, now that everyone else was conveniently so busy.

nikolai would actually entertain your feelings, more so out of boredom than anything else. it's easy with him, he catches on pretty quickly—the obvious interest in your tone when you talk to him, the way you hang on to every word like a devoted worshipper, the little gifts you had on hand for him—he'd be a fool not to notice! (he kinda is one, but that's besides the point) you won't have to worry about confessions going south or a cold rejection. nikolai showers you in affection from the start, treating you warmly, laughs with you and is always there by your side.

it almost comes naturally when you admit you like him and he only pulls you closer with the arm he has constantly around you. don't be fooled though, despite not having any 'actual' feelings for you yet, he is unbelievably possessive. if you are upset about anything and decide to sulk and ignore him, nikolai is happy to annoy you endlessly until you either give in and forgive him, or if he sees you trying to busy yourself with anyone else, he's quick to come up with a lost of creative ways to get the outsider out of your relationship with him.

with nikolai, there's a lot of spontaneous skipping out on work (that you miraculously never get in trouble for), unplanned adventures and general good times until, of course, someone else tries to meddle. maybe it's a nosy coworker who firmly believes workplace relationships are unprofessional, or a newbie who stupidly ignores the obvious signs of nikolai and you being together; whatever it is, you won't have to worry, nikolai will swifltly remove all the obstacles.

eventually, he decides that life is a lot more fun with you, his partner in crime, always by his side. this is when things will really take a turn, and you start to realize he's a lot more unhinged than you would have thought previously...

ranpo is a bit of an interesting one...he knows you like him, even if you do a good job at hiding it. he obviously takes advantage of your feelings, purposely trying to make you jealous just to see you all riled up, and asks you to do things for him knowing you wouldn't deny him.

he's so proud of himself, as though he charmed everyone around him, and doesn't hesitate to poke fun at you for liking him. not as maliciously as dazai and jouno, but mean enough that it has you blinking in shock at the way he rudely declares that he was out of your league, skipping away to eat some snacks.

obviously, when he acts so high and mighty, you'd think he would be pleased by you finally taking his advice on "focusing on work instead of staring at him with hearts in your eyes" (not like he was doing anything productive most of the time), but it's the opposite. he notices your absence almost immediately, and imagine his shock and humiliation when you, who was supposed to ttail him around like a puppy, happilly eating out of his hand, were now deciding these boring work files are more important than him.

somehow they even placed the intern that just started with you for training, and now that's all that you're focused on. showing the newcomer around, chatting with them, offering your help with tasks—it was like ranpo ceased to exist and it infuriated him. similarly, if you started spending time around/with someone else from the company (cough nikolai cough), it would annoy him just as much if not more, knowing exactly what kind of intentions they had.

ranpo turns his annoying abilities to the max, now being the one to follow you around everywhere and whines at you to pay attention to him, asking you to feed him snacks and also trying to feed you in return, demanding you accompany him for lunch so he doesn't get lost, and anything else to monopolise your time. eventually, even if you stay strong, whoever you spend your time with now can't handle ranpo's overbearing and unavoidable presence, driving them away. (it helps if he's like a valued employee here too)

fyodor is the type to not do anything about your crush, not until you become useful to him. he'll entertain it, sure, staring back at you with that disarming smile and curious eyes, brushing his hand against yours for a moment too long when you hand him things, sitting right next to you when you ask him to come over and look at something—he knows the hold he has over you and he loves it.

he thinks it's cute to see you so entranced and in awe by him, and he genuinely enjoys your company as he recognizes your genuine work ethic and passion, but even then he doesn't exactly hold the same feelings for you. this is him acting to keep you onterested because he knows someone who is so in love with him despite not really knowing him is a pawn he shouldn't lose.

maybe one day you realize you'd rather not ruin a good friendship by involving your feelings, but trying to distance yourself won't be fruitful and busying yourself with another person would only lead fyodor to threaten their livelihood and even their lives. fyodor is a very jealous and possessivs man, even though you're not dating, he still doesn't like the idea of anyone other than him using you and doesn't want to risk you forgetting him.

generally, though, nobody tries to mess with fyodor, because while he's all amiable and charming to you, to everyone else he's intense and brooding; unapproachable. he has this look that makes everyone feel inferior, like he thinks of them as pathetic creatures—which he does, but you...he could make some use of you yet. he's impressed by your strong will to be by his side for so long despite receiving no sign that he might like you at all...maybe it's time he rewarded you tor your devotion?

[pouringmyheartoutforpaper]

it’s midnight and i just. i have this stuck in my head.

steve who’s used to every little disagreement turning into a big fight so he snaps/yells at reader and when they don’t return that fight and just kind of shutdown steve panics and feels so so guilty

my love you hit me in the soft spot. i cry so hard whenever anyone even slightly yells at me.

tw: not a lot but i thought id put one to make sure everyones safe <3: bit of a disagreement, reader with vague past relationship trauma if you squint, sensitive reader, anxious reader, oblivious steve, in love steve, steve in general. if anything from above is something you cant handle right now thats perfectly okay and ill see you next time!

steve is very very very gentle. hes calm and collected and mostly rational. so arguments are extremely rare.

but today steve was tired. oh so tired. and he missed you. so much. so when you were being almost silent on the car ride home from the bi-weekly dinner with the kids, robin and eds, he was freaking out.

the waitress was very subtly flirting with him. in a way where only the girls at the table knew what was going on.

of course steve had no interest in her, for gods sake. he didnt even look at her for more than two seconds.

you werent mad at him. no, he handled it very well. he passed all the tests. you were just sad. comparing yourself to the blonde waitress. thinking about how many people want him that you dont even know about. the little voice in your head saying “why does he want you?” and looking for signs of infidelity, coming back emptyhanded as always, shamefully reminding you that hes not your past relationships.

so no you werent mad at him. you were mad at you.

but we all know hes a little bit… slow sometimes. so that doesnt even occur to him.

what if you lost interest in him? what if you think hes annoying? why are you mad at him?

his fears only heightening when you give him a small smile when he opens the front door for you, instantly heading to the kitchen to get some water, hoping itll make you feel better.

“whats your problem tonight?”

oh.

“…what?” and you stare directly down at the countertop because you can already feel yourself tearing up at his tone.

“what do you mean ‘what?’. youve been acting weird since we left.”

he really doesnt mean for it to sound so angry, if you listened a little closer you might be able to hear the desperation in his voice.

“…the waitress”

“what?”

“she was flirting with you.

“what?”

he throws his head back and puts his hands to his face in exasperation. before realizing that youre a little too quiet… and shaking?

his tone brought back memories and fear. fear that he would just find someone else since you were bothering him. and youd be left alone again, but only this time unable to pick up the pieces.

and now hes horrified because he didnt mean to sound angry, he was just frustrated and didnt even think about how sensitive his girl was to things like that.

but you were too far gone now. your ears ringing and your breath escaping you. fighting back tears with every bone in your body, and losing said fight.

and so you turned around to look at him. and your eyes betray you once more. instantly filling with tears that make steves face drop and heart fall.

“m’sorry steve” but your voice falters and breaks before the first sob racks through your body, walking as quickly as you can to his bedroom to clean yourself up.

HES FREAKING OUT SO BAD

he feels absolutely awful. poor man starts crying too, but makes himself stop for his apology, not wanting to scare you further.

following behind you and knocking on his own door.

“babydoll, can i come in?”

youre standing in front of his mirror. eyes puffy and red and shaking. you knew steve wouldnt leave. you knew he wasnt like that. but you were crying anyways, which only made you cry more out of embarrassment.

“…yeah” you call weakly, still not looking up as he opens the door.

his arms are around you instantaneously

“‘m so sorry baby i didnt mean to sound angry, i wasnt thinking. im sorry.”

“its okay, im sorry i-”

“no, you have nothing to be sorry for. you’re allowed to get sad. theres nothing wrong with it, id never judge you for that. i was just being… stupid cause i didnt get it y’know? i mean i literally am horrifyingly in love with you. im like obsessed with you… not in a weird way…. anyways! and i get jealous all the time. like everyday, even over small things. that barista the other day? coulda killed that guy. y’had me studying how to make lattes babe.”

and of course youre giggling. his polo shirt saturated with tears and pure joy.

“i love you so much.”

“i love you most. i know you dont really think id look at anyone but you, right? but if you need confirmation i will go and take back the tip we gave that lady.”

more giggles.

and that was the difference. steve embraced your sensitivity. he loved it actually. loved the way you care about things. love the way you pick up on energies before anyone else. loves everything about you. including some of the not so pretty things.

[gayfrogcoven]

hello beloved mutuals u’ll never guess what character this post is about. to celebrate the episode betty’s ten year anniversary of existence here is a annotation of sorts (?) of my betty playlist (<- talking to empty audience) warning this makes increasingly less sense

starting off strong with betty (a little bit of madness) by half shy !!!!! we dont appreciate this song enough THERE IS A SONG ABT HER !!!!!! BY SOMEONE WHO WROTE MUSIC FOR THE SHOW :3 dont even have to say anything abt this one

THE MOON WILL SING BY THE CRANE WIVES. ITS THE. THE I COULD HAVE BEEN ANYONE ELSE. I SPENT SO MUCH TIME DEDICATED TO SIMON IM NOT SURE THERES EVEN ANY ME LEFT ANYMORE. shaking like a rabid dog do we get the vision

the deal by mitski !! this one is just sooo betty fusing with golb ok trust me

& by tally hall!! this one is solely for the outro tbh 😭 BIG BAD BETTY OF THE POCALYPSE, SHE OPENS HER LIPS AND IT GOES LIKE THIS ‼️🔥🔥

I BET ON LOSING DOGS BY MITSKI. GODDD THIS IS THE ONE THAT MADE ME WANNA MAKE THIS POST. III BET ON LOSING DOGSS, I KNOW THEYRE LOSING AND I PAY FOR MY PLACE BY THE RING. simon/ice king ok. are we seeing the vision. and dont even get me STARTEDDD on i always want u when im finally fine… ITS THE WAY SIMON WAS INSANE AND WHEN HE WAS FINALLY HIMSELF AGAIN SHE WAS GONE. EATING GLASS. and FINALLY the SOMEONE TO WATCH ME DIE. GODDDD.

curses by the crane wives! I JUST THINK IT FITS OK :3 the devils after both of ussss OUGHGUH

no eyed girl by lemon demon, gonna be so real idk how to explain this one. we’re just vibing

i’m your man by mitski. yes theres a lot of mitski. this is on my petrigrof playlist as well and i think it could be from either pov tbh. LIKE the first verse is betty i think and the second is simon’s suicidal ass in fionna and cake

running up that hill (a deal with god) by kate bush :3 this ones just OBVIOUSSS id make a deal with god… GET HIM TO SWAP OUR PLACES…..

my girlfriend is a witch by october country ! just for sillies. magic betty ily forever and ever

love, me normally by will wood! dont know how to explain this one either tbh bc will wood lyrics scramble my brain but in a pleasant way. idk i just think shes full of autism and also magic insanity

sick of losing soulmates by dodie! OUGHGHG. another more petrigrof centered one but mannn . I CAN FINALLY SEE UR AS FUCKED UP AS ME SO HOW DO WE WIN. I WONT TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER. lighting myself on fire

death thrice dawn by the scary jokes! ngl i dont remember adding this one but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ tossing this verse at u

wife by mitski!!!! is this a stretch. idc idc. ur home to mee if i am not urs what am iiii

goodbye, my danish sweetheart by mitski !! guhh magic betty and “i’m sure that uve seen what its done to my heart” and “im not the girl i ought to be” and “you can tell them what u saw in me and not the way i am” ☹️ ANDDD could we just be what we’re meant to be, im just about to beg u pleaseew ☹️💔

i guess by mitski GODDDD so proud of her for moving on and idk learning to pass the bechdel test i GUESS but im GOINJ TO EAT FIBERGLASS

ANDDD THATS THE END !!! FOR NOW !!! there will be more songs on this playlist later :3 if u read this ily and i will probably do this w/ my petrigrof playlist at some point :3

[maschotch]

If you could write a backstory episode for Hotch, what would it look like?

ah.. the age old question

truthfully im not much of a writer, so id have a hard time condensing everything id want out of his backstory into a 40 min episode (or a 2 part special). i think the simplest way would be something similar to profiler profiled where they take a case close to hotch’s home and he knows the people involved but doesnt want to admit it

tbh i think itd be difficult enough to set up a case like that. jj might have to bring it in—maybe she was surprised when hotch turned down her suggestion to consult and got passionate about it. (hotch can claim to be by-the-book, but when it comes to something he cares about, he caves pretty fast, so i think he’d be too concerned about avoiding reliving decades old trauma maintaining his composure around the team to let them dig around too deep). but jj goes behind his back (well intentioned, not well thought out) to assign the team this case anyway

ive given it a lot of thought and i think itd be funniest for hotch to just pretend not to recognize anyone. he likely hasnt been back since before boarding school, so he’s probably relying on no one recognizing him either. but some of the older folks at the precinct cant help but think of that hotchner fellow when they see the name. hotch does relatively well, but the team begins to notice he’s more tense than usual. theyre not really sure what to think until the sheriff (or someone idk) tells the story of the lawyer hotchner (spittin image of this fbi guy!) and his troublemaker son, and they start putting the pieces together

i think itd be fun to have the team forcibly dig around into hotch’s life. for one thing, it seems like the only way they’d get anything out of him about his past. and two, even if none of them are consciously aware of their own spiteful vindictiveness, it’s lowkey payback for all the times hotch has crossed their own personal boundaries “for the sake of the case.” anyway they find out about what went down in the hotchner household, and suddenly all the pieces come together: all the red flags theyve kinda just ignored until now form an ugly picture of abuse.

god forbid anyone gets closure on this fucking show. inevitably they dont really talk about it and after the case is over its basically never brought up again (unless morgan is mad about something or reid is losing an argument). itd probably end with hotch looking at a picture of his son or some cheesy shit like that. in true criminal minds fashion: hotch gets his trauma dragged up for no reason and then they never deal with or acknowledge it ever

[punk-and-anxious]

I’m curious about your reasoning for why midam when they share a body and/or have vessels that are identical(?) and based on Adam is okay, but not if Michael is either using John as a vessel (assuming it’s only the body and John himself is not in there too) or just looks like John in AUs and such. Is it just personal squick?

(Speaking as someone who’s been shipping midam for a while. John as Michael’s vessel was pretty common pre-the s15 reveal, especially in AUs, where it’s just a hot face to give to the archangel we want Adam to kiss. Nothing wrong with disliking it, but I like hearing new opinions on this ship and comparing them to the conversations people have been having about it for a while.)

I honestly have no idea why. I made the og post exactly because i realized my preference and had no actual reason for it?

I was already in the fandom pre s 15 reveal and yes i too read shit ton of midam fics with young Johns face as Michael, so im not totally opposed to it. I just prefer the weird mind fuckery of sharing a body (might be because of my love for all cosmic horror and weird mind fuckery)

I think the preference comes from it still looking like Adams dad in a way? Even when it's not. Like have you seen pictures of your parents when they were young. They dont look like your parents at all but its still them. So id see it as weird on Adams pov. Like would he get past Michael looking like his father? Would he see only Michael or his dad?

And yes i would fuck my own clone if i could (for science) so i dont have an opposition on the whole I SWEAR ITS NOT SELFCEST PLEASE LISTEN version of Midam. Because you dont really see yourself that often, so itd be different? Idk

Honestly

I have no idea why xD and im not hating on anyone who likes the young John as Michaels vessel/face. Since, like i said, been there! And if i find a really good fic like that, ill happily read it :3 (i know my og post seemed a bit harsh and stuff but thats just my humor. Dry and angry seeming about small shit. Like anwsering FUCK YOU when someone asks you to get the mail, and doing it anyway. Because why woukd i be mad? But akso i get passionate about stuff and so on. I hope it didnt come off as me hating the idea compleatly!)

Idk if this makes any sense or answers anything or if it's just rambles! Like i said i honesky dont know, and the more i think for a reason the more it makes no sense for me to have a preference on it, yet here we are

:3 ill try clear stuff up more if ya need me to <3

[paperstorm]

(different anon) id agree with you if rafael was a silent individual. he's been so open about his opinion on anti colonisation in the past, he's shared strong political opinions and humanitarian crises no problem, and now he's quiet? i dont believe he's pro-israel considering his other stances, it wouldn't make sense, it feels like it falls between two areas. one, he doesnt want to share about it despite there being proof than sharing and educating whats actually going on is a hugely beneficial thing, for whatever reason. or two, he knows how pro-israel r*nen is and doesnt want to rock the boat with a differing stance, considering his job is tied with r*nen. some people are silent about these things on social media as part of who they are, but thats never been rafael in all the years ive been following him

I would love it if he spoke out. I would love it if all of them spoke out. I think what I was responding to in that last message was less that it’s not curious that he hasn’t said anything - I agree, based on his track record it is surprising, even tho I don’t think he’s obligated - and more about the idea of people assuming his or anyone else’s opinion based on no information and then getting mad at *other* celebrities for their silence but not holding their own fave to the same standard. Which is not specific to Rafael. Hypocrisy is everywhere.

[blacktinnedpeaches]

last night i was thinking how the NHS treated me whenever i was dim enough to ask for help for my madness + just getting like more and more angry remembering it lmfao

i actually think that severing myself from like the idea of "help" and "psychiatry" and "CBT" and "mental health" has been more beneficial to my QOL than literally anything the NHS ever did for me, so im at peace w/ it on the whole, however there were some real highlights:

me sitting sobbing my eyes out in a small room w/ two strangers begging them to Please Help, and receiving a letter a few weeks later saying i wasn't ill enough for any help + i was on my own

being diagnosed w/ BPD (a big regret i have - once i cann afford to spend £250 on a psych visit im going to try and get that scrubbed off my record bc at the time of diagnosis like ~8 years ago i was naive enough to think that a diagnosis that wasn't depression or anxiety would force the NHS into giving me "help". however, obviously, as you all know, a BPD diagnosis is the 2020s equivalent of Female Hysteria

i was offered a round of CBT (classic) but there was an 18m waiting list and in that 18m i was diagnosed w/ the BPD. so i had a conversation w/ them in which they were like "we can only do the anxiety/depression, if you talk about anything BPD-ish we'll terminate you"

went to the minor injuries unit after a particularly bad self-harm session + was not asked any questions about how i was doing mentally, they didnt check i was safe, they didnt ask me if i was gonna be ok at home lol, they just cleaned me / bandaged me / sent me home again (tbh idk what id rather they did tbh like. i dont want to be sectioned - i was just kind of astonished by the lack of pretence at caring how i was doing)

in the last-ditch effort i made to get some "help" i told my (beloved! none of this is his fault) GP that if he had anything going i'd be willing to give it a shot. he told me there was this local unit opening up for "personality disorders" and that given i was motivated + all that shit i would be a perfect fit for it. (at this time i was already leery of the BPD label but i was still thinking like: maybe it will actually open THIS door to "treatment") i said to him: i know for a fact they will not accept me. you're welcome to try, but i am 100% sure that they will find a reason to reject me as a patient. and he was like no no no! haha why wouldn't they :) i'll send them a personal email about you! and they'll take you on my reccommendation! and i was like lol ok roy. anyway yeah of course they didnt accept me - as i told him they wouldnt - and he was so shocked and upset during that conversation where he told me this - and i was just like totally unemotional like "i told you this would happen" and he was like just so shocked about it all (honestly idk why, as a doctor, he must see the carnage, but whatever) and just like "my god - you were right" (yeah no shit roy) and yeah that was just the moment i was like alright im never doing any of this shit again, never ever.

to be honest my suggestion to anyone in a similar situation is to read up on antipsychiatry lmfao (shout out to bananapeppers for forcing it into my eyeballs via tumblr) bc it really changed my mindset for the better. that's probably quite a bleak sentiment to end a post about psychiatry on but uh. i dont know what to say otherwise. i don't believe in "mental healthcare" anymore like i rly dont. im doing 100x better now that i refuse to talk to doctors about my madness. there is no moral to this post

ETA: from @bananapeppers herself: "for anyone reading this who may be interested, this is an England-based antipsychiatry organization that I recommend: Campaign for Psychiatric Abolition ( https://linktr.ee/cpabolition)"

[toonfinch]

this is all i will be saying about the matter because this is stupid as fuck. its a bit long but its mostly for me, not for others to read. but feel free to.

i deleted my post on r/badroommates because i got sick of arguing with idiots online and havent responded to anything because reddit temp banned me for calling myself slurs im allowed to say lmao. im gay and trans. this will go on reddit when i am unbanned. for now it stays here.

i am paying rent, i owe my roommate, u/azzyisjazzy zero dollars. he did cover two months for me because i lost my job and struggled to find a new one, then when i did it lasted like a month because the temp agency ran out of work for me to do. he knows this btw hes just a liar. he heard the phone call because it was on speaker. but i paid him back completely and have paid our most recent bills with zero issue. i am literally at work while writing this. i am on track to make rent just fine. when i said i have $10 its because i had to buy warm weather clothes because i have none. its been hot.

the way he describes my suicidal ideation is making everyone think i do this repeatedly, i did it once. on my tumblr blog, i was not thinking about how it may hurt people, when azzyisjazzy and his friend, u/dizzy_elk_6491 and my friend all had a conversation about it, nobody acted concerned, azzyisjazzy only told me that if i were to actually hurt myself and he never reported it he may lose his job. he was never concerned about me lol. either way, i realized that watching people be suicidal is stressful and i also didnt want to be forcibly hospitalized so i nuked my blog so i can vent safely. i am not suicidal at all and havent been for a while, by the way. interestingly, current roommates friend dizzy_elk_6491 has threatened suicide when things didnt go his way before. he threatened suicide when my friend wanted to break up with him. later my friend found out that dizzy_elk_6491 had been lying about his boundaries in order to keep my friend in a relationship. he did not ignore boundaries whatsoever, there were none said. also, they were literally stupid teenagers.

azzyisjazzy was cool with sharing groceries until suddenly he wasnt, i did not have enough money at the time to also buy the same amount of things he was. we literally went shopping together several times and he told me to pick things out so obviously i thought it was fine? he just sucks at telling people when hes bothered. if he didnt suddenly lock the fridge just as i got a decent job (i was saving up money to pay him back for everything, i still could not afford a substantial amount of groceries) then id have replaced everything i ate. which was like....eggs and milk and coffee. i was mostly eating my own food lol. he ruined all the food i had in the fridge at the time which probably comes out to the amount i owe him for what i ate so ill call that fair.

i do not have bipolar disorder, i do not know where anyone involved got this information. i was on lithium, but it made me worse. gave me worse anxiety and made my eyeballs twitch. not exactly a medication that works. i tried several medications that did not work. i was also accused several times by past roommate, u/finchsexroomate and their friends that i have borderline personality disorder. i thought i might but several doctors told me otherwise. so far the only mental issues im pretty sure i have is major depressive disorder, autism, anxiety, and ocd.

intensive outpatient therapy also did not work, i was having panic attacks every morning because it was not the type of therapy i require.

currently working on getting insurance so i can get trazodone, which works. because i am diagnosed for major depressive disorder. the doctors asked me the pointed questions clearly about bipolar disorder but i dont have manic and depressive episodes. on the other hand, azzyisjazzy has said he is manic. maybe he meant it in a quirky way, but whatever.

i...didnt get mad at azzyisjazzy and his friends for not learning sign language? i dont know asl. i brought it up once or twice as a "wouldnt it be cool if we all learned together" situation, because im deaf and my hearing gets worse monthly. the only sign i was aware anyone knew was when azzyisjazzy and dizzy_elk_6491 said something that contained the words "eat orange" at each other over and over. that doesnt exactly indicate to me they are at a conversational level. either way, i was not "expecting them to communicate in a language i do not speak" lol.

i never threatened a damn thing about the dog. i said she was stressing me out so bad she was triggering my ocd. ocd can cause intrusive violent thoughts. they are not desires, they are based on things you DONT want to do. they are INTRUSIVE. i felt unsafe because the thoughts were so distressing and i could not banish them from my brain. the fact that azzyisjazzy is graduating from nursing school and doesnt understand this is concerning. i thought i biked over a snake this morning and started crying before i saw it move. i threw it in someones yard so it wouldnt get run over. i don't even like hurting bugs. i got mad at azzyisjazzy for making jokes about killing crickets in the house. maybe i am sensitive, sure, judge me how you please. but that doesnt exactly indicate an animal abuser does it?

also, me being a furry and objectumsexual (attraction to objects) has literally nothing to do with anything. its funny, because my azzyisjazzy has told me he pretends to be a dog during sex multiple times. also, he is a furry. or at least was. his fursona is/was a deer. not judging, obviously, its just hypocritical. is it weird? YES. is it harmful? NO. on top of this, azzyisjazzy had me walk the dog a few times after i had said those things. clearly he was not very concerned then. im sure he knows better and is just making shit up to hurt me.

now i don't remember much about my previous living situation with finchsexroomate because i was traumatized and the order of events and details are all mixed up and blurry. i moved in because i was in a motel with my drunk father and (thankfully normal) brother for two years. i was being paid to take care of them, but i wasnt equipped to do so because of my mental health issues. that were being exacerbated by finchsexroomate's reactions to my tone of voice...or something? they would react in ways that freaked me out like getting an attitude or yelling at me. i didnt react well to this which was entirely my fault, causing arguments. this happened a lot. idk why its so hard for anyone involved to understand that we simply did not mesh well together. azzyisjazzy and finchsexroomate have very similar communication styles, or lackthereof. it makes sense why i dont get along with both of them. they suck at communicating boundaries.

it took finchsexroomate months to tell me my tone of voice was upsetting them. they also think i was frequently stewing in anger next to them to hurt them when maybe i was a little annoyed at something and not putting in a ton of effort to look cheery while like...watching tv. or something. every time there was an incident like this, me moving elsewhere was brought up. i was living in a motel for two years before this. you have to be literally stupid to think its easy to find anywhere to live in this economy. obviously did not react well to this and yes it triggered suicidal episodes. but im not unstable if my housing and food and such else is taken care of. now that i have a stable job and can afford everything i need i am perfectly fine. just a bit stressed.

for some reason finchsexroomate thinks i was in love with them and trying to drive a wedge between them and their husband? lol? i said their husband was hot like twice. hes a hairy bear? come on now. theyre just being freaks because im polyamorous. if i had a crush on either of them theyd know, because that is something i hate keeping inside even if i know telling someone will go nowhere.

our living together ended when one night we were watching tv and somehow the topic of my date the next day came up, and finchsexroomate reminded me that our other roommates who would normally take over care when i am gone would also be leaving, so i didnt want to leave them in the house alone or worry about what time i had to be home since i would not be the one driving. i announced id reschedule my date and this upset finchsexroomate so bad that they started yelling at me. i only remember the part where they started yelling fuck you over and over again after i was like dude. its like fucking midnight. we can deal with this tomorrow. their reaction freaked me the fuck out and i did what everyones demonizing me for.....taking the torch we smoked dabs with and brushing it on my wrist for less than half a second, turning it off, and putting it on the table. and then sitting there. finchsexroomate was more at risk of burning the house down than me because i saw them drop the torch while it was still spewing flames twice, and they told me it happened once while i was not there. lol. was my reaction smart? no. did i "try to burn the house down with people inside"? no.

last thing about them, after they kicked me out and gave me zero chance to grab any of my belongings forcing me to pay an exorbitant amount of money for shipping that i could not afford, i said fuck it. they dont deserve my money after all of this. its not like i could just fucking drop almost $800 on it. later when the hurt started to go away i decided id put aside money and then give it all back when ive collected enough, but um. not doing that now lmao.

between then and now i was living with people my dad knew. one of them regularly assumed everything in the house was my fault such as leaving hard water spots on dishes and several times the freezer door was left open (not by me) so he tried attacking me about it and had to be held back by two people. this happened twice. i was also threatened by one of the residents because he was abusive to his girlfriend and i almost pepper sprayed him about it. it got to the point where i had to get a motel room a second time to avoid being hurt. and of course after this is when azzyisjazzy and i started talking.

anyway back to the present. azzyisjazzy thinks i was...listening to him and his bf my first night here just bc i was quiet? i thought they knew i was here lol. i literally cannot eavesdrop. i can hear loud talking and music and dog barking and dog nails on hardwood in my room. sometimes i can hear noises but that doesnt mean i understand what the noises are. at this point im convinced everyone thinks im faking my deafness. do i need to show everyone how scarred my ear drum is? that also has a hole in it?

and i guess this all got worse because i chose to stop being very close friends with all of azzyisjazzys friends. they were a lot of energy. i avoided them a lot because my idea of a good time is being quiet and doing a task together or watching tv or going to the park to look at critters and plants or something. i still tried, i was an audience to their musicals in the kitchen. and hung out when i was able to handle their energy, which was rare. azzyisjazzy thinks i was avoiding his show because i hated him when in reality i was busy with things i felt were more important such as my friend's mental health. azzyisjazzy even told me it was fine and that he understood. i also felt that none of them liked me very much anyway, so i just kind of stopped trying. i know one of them hated me because i got mad at him for making kill all furries jokes in the discord server we were in, and several times after that he would criticize my friends and i for stupid bullshit like putting in the announcements channel to not put chunks of food in the sink that does not have a garbage disposal in it.

the reason there are horses all over my walls is because azzyisjazzy heard gunshots and we were discussing whether or not we should call the cops in the discord server. my friend and i said no because theres no way to prove which direction it came from so on top of the cops not being able to do anything, we have black neighbors that might be questioned. furry hater guy said what does their race have to do with this and i dont remember what i said after it but he sent a horse emoji which is a reference to the meme of a horse standing at the sea with the caption "MAN" and i felt it inappropriate so i muted him for 10 minutes.

so the time my friend told someone to kill themselves? he had almost gotten hit by a car, and said "kill yourself for real" about the driver. furry hater guy got mad at this and said no suicide jokes. i misinterpreted it as another baseless criticism and told him to shut up. i was wrong for this and apologized, and later decided to just leave the server because i wasnt having fun in it anyway.

idk where to place these things in this giant block of text so theyre going at the end my friend and i used the dining room table to do crafts which is why azzyisjazzy bike locked the chairs. okay...ill just get my own i guess? he has threatened to put cameras up in the house which i am fairly certain is illegal because i do not consent and it would violate a reasonable expectation of privacy in the state of Missouri. also azzyisjazzy and i both agreed that nudity is not an issue, and when i am alone in the house sometimes i dont have a shirt on. i am a trans man, i have tits. that's inappropriate and once again im fairly certain that is illegal. missouri is a one party consent state so the only circumstance where recording me would be okay is if one of whoever is in the video or audio consents, such as if azzyisjazzy and i had a conversation. he could be the one to consent. but he doesn't say use his big boy words at me anymore so that wont happen. weve said a total of maybe 5 words to each other in the last month. i text him sometimes and he pretends not to see it but i know he does because he thinks me telling him his post got removed was bragging that i reported it. maybe my friends did? i dont control them. lmao.

hes also told my friends that me simply living here is an "escalation" and that if i continue to live here "things will get worse for me" those are threats. genuinely convinced that he knows a lot of what he is saying is made the fuck up or stretched truths just so "things will get worse"

btw, im not the one abusing the dog. she gets one walk a day and is barely played with because of how much azzyisjazzy works. all she does is sleep all day and bark out the window and piss on the couch and the floor and chew up shit azzyisjazzy leaves around the house, like a plastic tape dispenser. those plastic shards might be inside her stomach, by the way. that can and has killed dogs. many times.

i dont know what else to say. this is getting way too long. i certainly feel better after writing it though.

i may or may not respond to comments. i dont really feel like proving myself to a bunch of redditors, but considering these lies might follow me around for a while especially because finchsexroomate posted my FACE????? glad i look extremely different now (thanks hrt) and was wearing a mask lol. what sort of fucking insane behavior. i kind of wanted to post webcomics online, so i felt it necessary to do a bit of damage control. of course, all sides to this is mostly he said she said, so this only helps so much. but i said my truth, and ill stand by it. omission of details is because i forgot. this has been all over the last two years. my memory is shot because i got covid the first time i was in the motel and the repeated trauma hasnt helped. if someone brings up a good point i will respond to it.

anyway. ill move out when im able to. get the fuck over it.

good fucking lord.

im going to go do literally anything else more productive than this. get a new hobby. make a fursona and maybe youll feel better. fucking weirdos

[be-good-to-bugs]

itd be so cool if the shitty people in my life were not shitty and were actually slightly decent

[goremet-chef]

mannnn me and my friend. teehee

we play games together all the time and we're doing minecraft rn and idk i FEEL like its too sappy to tell her "hey i like how we are" okay like i can tell itd be hard to phrase that in a way that she wouldnt be like ".. thanks?? " OKAY SHE DOESNT MEAN IT we just. IDK how to explain it. so ill just talk about it here 😁😁

we just flow really well together, she can entertain herself mostly and i can be there and we bully the shit out of eachother and god its so fun its genuinely. i told her i was planning to tunnel into her walls but secretly, so she didnt hear it from me and she went "what?im not paying attention to you" i feel like. to other people that would sound bad but i just teeheed so hard man like . QUIETLY THATS WHY IM WRITING THIS we're still in vc but man

its really hard for me to be comfortable in vc with anyone, even if i really want to, but me and her? we just fit man. ive known her for like. 8 years at this point?? maybe a little less but either way. shes the only one of my friends that i can be alone with in vc comfortably as of right now, like IDK i never expected this but im not complaining. like even my friend ive known for 11 YEARS, i love them to bits id do anything for them, but the reality is that we are just AWKWARD PEOPLE and awkward people are sillay when they talk okay its the same with my other friend like we are just very awkward by nature so our awkwardness duplicates when we're alone, to the point where its like. he thinks its awkward and it is but its so awkward that its fucking hilarious i think its so funny man

love my friends with all my heart but something about me and her? like WE'RE SO GOOOOD we werent even that close when we first met? like she was my friends friend and became my friend by proximity but now we're tight bro we get drunk together we get high together i love that for us. i couldnt have guessed it would go this way, but thats the beauty of life 🥳 chaotic and unruly, i wouldnt have it any other way.

she comes home and tells me all her work drama and then we just pick on eachother for several hours and its so funny to me every time i dont care how many times we say the same things its always funny im always gonna make myself laugh when im mean for no reason and ill always laugh when shes mean back like IDK thats just our friendship and we like it that way its great

also shes been just like? IDK we are all queers (except one of us hes our token cishet i guess) she doesnt even remember my deadname anymore despite knowing me by that for most the time we've known eachother its great. and honestly? this is kind of embarrassing to admit but sometimes when shes making fun of me for being dumb she says 'sillay boy' in a little tune and when i get really stressed out i call myself that in my head to calm me down a bit like. NOTHING ID EVER TELL HER but we know we love eachother teehee. IDK i feel like i just express a lot of gratitude towards my other friends but not much to her, probably cuz we talk so much it just feels agiven like i cannot stand her she sucks thats why shes my bestie 😁😁

like MAN idk theres so much shit i could talk about. we fight and i propose to her in lethal company with the ring and then shes mad at me and divorced cuz i sold our ring to meet quota like. STUPID SHIT LIKE THAT. this is gonna sound weird but i just like being bullied????? like ill always throw it back is the thing we work great cuz its never one sided its a mutual thing. if i go first she say 'shut up dominic' and im like NO fuck you like . to an outsider we do not like eachother but i promise we do its making me like. GIDDY RN i love thinking about it. she just made fun of me for being on tumblr instead of building my GAZEBO but im talking about you dumbass!!!! (she doesnt have a tumblr so. what does it matter SKFJS)

i dont know its so fun for me, im just surprised that like. someone i initially didnt know all that well is now my ride or die and we fit SO GOOD like i genuinely couldve never expected it back in middle school but im glad we are the way that we are. love talking to her, love making fun of her, love when she calls me stupid and WHATEVER ELSE like god its so funny. love ignoring her and harassing children in roblox with her like we have such a good time no matter what

shes one of the very few people i can like. just get in a call with for no reason, like if she has drama to tell me and we arent really doing anything else ill still join for what i think is like 10 minutes and leave 2 hours later 💀 love leaving her too shes so dramatic she knows by the tone in my voice when i say her name that im gonna leave call and shes always like no dont do this to me gurl bye!!!!!i got better shit to do!!!!!!! (lie) love to betray her also she sucks

i remember she invited me down (like an hour drive) to watch mario movie and she took me out to olive garden and i CRIEDD it was the first time i went to olive garden and it was so good and she laughed at me. that high is like. I DONT KNOW i feel like im explaining it POORLY its just so silly to me, its so fucking funny

grining right now. im not even tired weve been playing for hours and im not tired at all. love bothering her she deserves it. like would i lay down my life for her? yes absolutely. would i also insult her randomly while shes not doing anything? yes absolutely. i guess its cuz i know she can take it, thats why she does the same to me. idk its just how we're comfortable, we like it this way!!!! hhehehheehee

this is far too sappy to share with her but we love to hate eachother so i think im doin a pretty good job

[lovereveals]

I remember how you answered the door and finally i felt something new about you again.

The busted red door and the slamming screen at your moms.

I now get why you called it your moms, because the woman is what makes the house a home. Not just who pays the majority gets title.

I remember your plants in the sun room crowding the place but thats exactly how you wanted the jungle to run. I see it all now, maybe

not all because ive said that before and theres still new pieces coming back, so fortunately. I

miss how youd explain your ventures to me always inviting me into a mission or a newfound

passion. You always had something for me to do and now i sit here wandering directionless

begging for you to give me something, anything. I think of how i wish i took more time with you

doing anything, sitting in traffic. Waiting for the rain to stop, sitting in the car while the gas

pumped, i wish i knew how to slow down and just let the sun rise with our eyes and appreciate

the day starting with all that you are was is and always will be above anything i could dream up

by myself. You exceeded every expectation i ever heard of, had or dreamed of having and you

still do, I want to go back and open everything to you and be willing to look stupid because i

know thats what you needed, i was too cool when i deserved to let the flame you had awoken

inside me burn in every way so you could experience the love you inspired into me. Back then

we only could feel the sharpest of edges, so i guess thats why we collided how we had because

all we know is how to live in our truths. Im grateful now we have been forged in fire to relearn

how to engage in a forevermore of new ways love dances, rests, runs, works, suffers, laughs,

rests, dreams, reminesises, burns , chills, excites , calms , awakens , rests, breaks , builds,

conquers, surrenders. Explores, awaits, it flys, freefalls , catches , slips , bliss, madness, tragic,

solace, lost, found , light , dark , confusing , enlightening, sickening , healing,

You were the one who made sure i wasnt left alone, outside , stranded and it scared me like a

stray skittish dog treats its loving owner, it suffers for days months even years not understanding

its worth love and so much more beyond the scraps of gestures id been only thrown in the snow

by those who said thats what love was and at the time thats all i knew it to be so i shivered and

starved in every pathetic demoralizing way until you came along Alyvia and not only showed me

what welcome really deserves to be but as the moments passed you proved it only to a deeper

glowing extent, I took it in like like a pet with new food, it made me weazy but i slowly became

accustomed to what the epitome of unconditional love is. You. i should of learned from your love

and embraced it but at the time i had only experienced the fleeting fake half smiled favors titled

love by everyone before you. I had grown accustomed to kindness always coming right before

abandonment and unacceptance. I tiptoed around all that you were because if i was to be

accepted by anyone ever my God i prayed it was you, even though it took me by so much

surprise, it were a pure miracle to hear you wanted me to come inside to meet your dad

because you said he;d like me. When all i expected from you was to use me as a ride from work

and that was enough for me because your presence and everything about you seemed to call

me home to true grace when all i had ever known was the unforgiving ravaging wilderness. I

learned to accept your love via zoey because i had to ease into the gravity and power that one

true loves unexplainabl force generates pushing pulling reverberating in original distinct ways

that left us so overwhelmed we became oblivious skeptiks because you know they explain true

love to crash all at once to be that one feeling like no other.

well from my experience, true love came in to me like the smallest hand on a clock. You dont

notice how bad you needed it until you see a clock that doesn't have seconds ticking and you

realize it may be working but not in the way it was designed to, without that simple missing

piece two ticking hands move but it's simply as if there's no sign of order between them.

A Quiet chaos has always been surrounding entangled in each of our lives and when we finally

crossed physical paths the currents began to intertwine ever so softly at first introduction like

two magnets meeting, we collided at once as if not by our own choices but our hearts magnetic

field retwiring welcoming itself within questions and answers only a divine separation between

death and life can forge a perfect cosmic message.that screams in silence emotions that are not

bound by time.

So we didn't talk. We savored that silence, we could almost taste it, because it felt like the world

stopped that night, we were left alone to the stillness only we alone could fill alone together in

that wide open bar, the city was quiet and vacant for us due to the key that only true love can

loneliness and evil heartless terror i grew up escaping from dodging everything that wasnt to

unlock.

We didn't mean to fit, but we were born destined to engraved on our souls we were given a

mission to find each other. It was always my only driving force and beacon of hope in the

lead my path to my beloved.

Subject =

Some memories i couldnt just let fly away yet

[nt3000s]

HI HELLO dw abt answering all of these if it’s too long :3

for Jennifer:

9, 15, 21, 49

for Delainey (? Sry forgot how 2 spell their name </3):

6, 11, 41

and finally for you:

D

HEH😏

for jennifer: Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?: honestly i think hes been swearing since he was like 8 or 10. nobody gave a shit about fuck How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?: he's very well spoken and very well read in a way thats so annoying he gets punched in the teeth eberyday and his nose is broken forever but he slurs his speech sometimes and it makes him mad because hes supposed to have the eloquence of a unicorn that wants to kill you with its big horn Why do they get up in the morning?: go to work. go to hospital and kill people How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people?/How sensitive are they to their own flaws?: he doesnt ignore flaws he points them out because he loves to laugh at people. becayse he hates them. if anyone points out his own flaws he'll skin them with his fingernails

delainey 😁 Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?: everything is flexible. they do not follow the laws of anything they exist outside of life and they do eeeverythig they want all the time How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?: i think theyre literally confused all the time because they are not of this earth someone could be like do you wanna go get ice cream and they'd be like What Is Go 🙂 What Is Get 🙂 What Is I Scream 🙂(completely sincere) How do they feel about children?: they dont pay much attention to anyone or anything but if they were asked theyd say children are like smaller humans that are more funny and more attuned to the light that exists on our beautiful planet so theyre preddy awesome

D) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look? for the 2 of them, realistically delainey hasnt changed i think whatsoever, their design has been just about the same since they were made to right now however the way that i draw them has changed considerably i guess id consider that a design change bc of how drastic it is. jennifer is i guess a character design thats gone throughout more changes than others but i consider them all pretty subtle like i just kept making him more fucked up thats pretty much it LOL. they changed i think pretty exclusively just with how my artstyle did

delaineys always been perfect and jennifer changes as to be attuned to my tastes and desires

[coyotevallie]

jedidiah 4 the character thing :3

GOTTA GIVE THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT!!!!!!!

fav thing about them: ohhhh man theres so much . id have to say how Real he feels . like he can do and say some awful mean things but it never feels liek conflict just for the sake of conflict or him just Decidin to be cruel it all links back to his feelings and his guilt and his fears and like . hes just so Real in a gutwrenching way both for the better and for the worse

least fav thing about them: i mean . the ableism . thats kind of a copout answer though so instead of smt basic like "i dont like that he avoided sydney" or whateva ill say that i think he shouldnt have gotten together with sydney as soon as he did that fucker needs SOOO much healing first . but i think thatll be explored given that they have a couples therapist in s2 so thats not like a writing flaw i dont think unless its fumbled which i doubt it will be

favorite line: "I couldn’t handle the body. I can’t handle the body. I walk away from the body. And most nights I don’t think about it… but sometimes there’s a rumbling under my desk, cold and distant like metal wheels through the mountain, spinning like the hands on the clocks that — if I could just know if I could just know if I could just know if I could just know if I could just know if I could just know—" girl that is ocd!!!!!! u suffer . anyway i genuinely had to pause the ep and take a break after this line something about it . oh my god

fav friendship: i LOVE LOVE LOVE his friendship with yvonne i think its so fun and whimsical i love gamer girls bonding . also him having a queerplatonic relationship with juniper is one of my fav hcs hehehe

fav ship: you KNOW its sydidiah . you KNOW . second place is jeddieann and soridiah (obvs to anyone whos spoken to me for longer than five seconds) but i am literally deranged about sydidiah

least fav ship: i havent seen one that exceptionally bothered me . people dont Ship jedidiah that much with people besides sydney from what ive seen . like i could be like "oh tid be shitty to ship him w elijah or wahtever" but like that seems like im making smt up to get mad at lmao if anyone ships that or anything else id be annoyed abt ive never seen it

random hc: hmmmmm. in sydneys major huge homestuck phase he spent a whole all-nighter listening to an absurd amount of homestuck fansongs in an attempt to like . shoot an understanding of the story into his veins without having to Actually read it all the way thru bc its so fucking long . this just made him way more confused

unpopular opinion: whatsss an unpopular opinion i have . taps my jaw and thinks and ponders . people ignore jedidiahs ableism a lot and the pervasive ways it relates to many many Many aspects of their dynamic but thats not so unpopular of an opinion so ill be a little spicier about it and say that i think even among the people who DO comprehend jedidiahs ableism and the way it impacts their relationship theyyy. kinda ignore the ableism of literally any other person besides lucille? like jedidiah becomes kinda the scapegoat for all the ableism in the narrative and like yes we should discuss the ways jedidiahs ableism impacts the narrative thats true!! however if youre going to discuss that but not talk about say elijah or salem or once s2 comes out likely adam as well or what have u . what is tha point . this is not me defending jedidiah or saying oh people are too harsh on my blorbo ): ): ): we SHOULD discuss jedidiahs ableism but i feel like its not That unpopular of an opinion that we should acknowledge jeddies ableism even if some people dont really follow through on Doing so in Practice yk

song i associate with them: oh my godddddd cry for judas . oh my God is that hte jedidiah song of all time

[squid-ink-symphony]

*Insert Frye's "what ze fuck?" here*

Not to complain but like i dropped all the way down to Profresh +3 and i can 100% tell you its because of my team mates. Like i do not know what was happening last night. I was constantly getting matched with people in the basic suit with like Splatlandian Youth as their title and the default banner who were managing to get <10 eggs in the basket over the course of 3 waves. LIKE I WAS EXECUTIVE VP 150 LAST ROTATION. I SHOULD NOT BE GETTING MATCHED WITH THESE TYPES OF PEOPLE.

I use the this way signal, i lure bosses, i target high priority things like flyfish and stingers first, i make sure to look at what weapons we have each round to know what i should be prioritizing and i kill what i know my team will struggle with due to their weapons, I FIGHT TOOTH AND NAIL TO GET THE EGGS IN THE BASKET. And yet i have a high score of 105 and im about to go down to profresh +2..... I don't know what's happening.

I can admit when im the problem. Usually i am!! But im playing so well and my team mates are just making the most brain dead choices ive ever seen..... maybe getting over my crippling anxiety and joining a discord or smth is the right move.....

Actually i think id rather die than talk to people. I dont wanna have to interact with others i just want good team mates to magically appear out of thin air :(((

And one last thing im mad about. I dont think ive gotten a special wave other than glowflies or grillers this entire time. Just give me mother ship once. ONCE. Thats all im asking for.....

Anyway if anyone wants to team up ig hit me up.... I may not be a great perfect player cuz of course i make dumb mistakes sometimes or get distracted and i may not be the best with splatlings but i am at least halfway decent and considering the people ive been playing with apparently thats pretty rare >:( Point is we can either friend each other or just make a pool or whatever. Actually u know what yeah ill go ahead and say the code for the pool will be: Symphony

I dont think its case sensitive but id put the capital S anyway. If u wanna message me on here and add me as a switch friend thats fine too of course i just figured if anyone also is scared of starting conversations this would be a way to do it. OH and make sure ur not too low of a rank, i dont mean anything rude by it i just want to make sure i can actually rank up when playing lol. Idk what u need to be if im +3 but i imagine you can find the info online.

[winderlylandchime]

I’ve been waiting for 2x04 bc it’s one of my faves so i should say this ep was watched after his check up where he told a nurse about it and the nurse told him he actually watched it when it aired. To which my brother went ‘well watch it again bc I have to talk to someone about it man, she *points to me* is about as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle.’ Anyway: ‘oh it’s pride weekend? Wait WEEKEND? Don’t you fuckers get a whole month? *points at me* dont start, that was meant lovingly’.. ‘so Godiva is like the Trixie of Libery Avenue? That reminds me i gotta watch her new youtube video..’ ‘maybe.. the reason your drink isn’t selling is that hair, sir that is outrageous!..why is he helping a homophobe. Although he’s just an employee so i get it, ill allow it one time Bri Bri’ ‘oh she has a motorcycle? I do too! Maybe this is how i start to like Mel..but mine is broken bc i fell..*he is currently sad over the motorcycle*’ at this point he was so angry at Mikeys coworkers that he paused the ep, went outside for a smoke, came back looked at the tv and went ‘not cool guys, that’s just tacky’ ‘who’s godiva again?! THE LIBERTY VERSION OF TRIXIE IS GONE?! OH NO POOR TRIX- i mean godiva’ ‘OKAAAY TED GET YOURSELF SOME DICK! Good for you! Maybe less talking bc it doesn’t seem to be your thing’… ‘is he making the drink gay? well that’s- WHY DID HE PUT ON THE GOOGLES TO SUCK HIS DICK? SIR YOU WILL CHOK- well i guess that the point’ he got very sad at the scene of Justin painting the sign. He forgot Justin was an artist and now he’s sad bc he can’t do it anymore..’ITS JEN! AT PFLAG! I knew i could count on you! She reminds me of our mom (cut to me saying our mom is a black woman) well..i didn’t specify HOW she reminds me-you know what? Leave me alone, I’m clearly going through something..oh god the shirt. I’m happy for her but Michael would not make me proud…unless he changes like 60 things about himself overnight’ btw he is feeling so proud of himself rn bc he swears that he is “chill” all while bouncing his leg so much my house is shaking. ‘IS THAT THAT BAT FUCKER?!! AT A GAY HOSPICE?! IS THIS SOME KIND OF A FUCKING JOKE?! HE DID NOT JUST WISH AIDS ON HIM AND DURING PRIDE?! oh kid i am your biggest fucking enemy right now, i hope you have an explosive diarrhea’ ‘okay so Mel used to be fun? What happened? Where did she go wrong?…A PITY FUCK?! TED DESERVES BETTER! WHAT KIND OF FUCKED UP JOKE IS THIS! That guy wasnt even that pretty so don’t worry Ted’ he got mad again here but less mad then before so no smoke break! ‘Oh he sobered up fast when he realized it wasnt a dream. Bri bri we need to talk about how youre in love. I swear I won’t tell anyone! OH FINALLY I AGREE WITH MIKE, IT WAS A SICK JOKE! Oh..i just know if that fucker did anything, Brian would be fighting right now..now i want to see Brian throw a punch, do you think he knows how to?..OH NO JUSTY, WE ARE GOING TO PRIDE! You are supposed to be proud of..wait what is he supposed to be proud of? Dick sucking skills? *looks at me genuinely* id be proud of that if i was him’ ‘oh my god! The ugly hair homophobe! NOW WHY DID HE SAY THE F WORD?! HE ISNT ALLOWED TO SAY THAT WHAT THE HELL! AND DURING PRIDE?! FUCK YOU!’ And we are back outside for a smoke break.. not to make my brother a liar from the last ep but he is NOT calm. ‘Okay im cool again..as long as no hetero pisses me off anymore. I love that big flag! Do you think they filmed this during actual pride?..WE ARE NOT LETTING BAT FUCKER WIN! Okay seriously now, how bad is Brians mom because he keeps making people march with their moms.. is that bc she wouldn’t do it if she kne- oh god i am now sad for Brian wanting to march with his mom but cant. This is too much for me to handle on a random Friday!..oh brian knew about that fucker? You know what? Hes a little rude but he keeps wanting everyone to just be them. I fuck with that! I shall do that too! But after i get back to my normal life bc this *waves hands* is not it’ 1/2 of 2x04

ANON I AM SCREAMING.

Your brother being pissed about Brian working for a homophobe... wait until he gets to Stockwell arc.

Does your brother watch...drag race? Is he a Trixie Mattel fan? I am seriously dying over this. Comparing Godiva to Trixie... bless. I don't know how accurate I feel that comparison is but I would need to sit with it to think of a better comparison. I take my drag race comparisons seriously.

Mel used to be cool... what happened? Lindsay! LOL

And that bat fucker! I love it. He's so protective over Justin and Brian. He's so worried about what Joan did to Brian and your brother is in for a sad sad shock.

And his take on Brian and Ted - "He keeps wanting everyone to just be them" is so so so accurate.

Your brother may be high off his butt on painkillers but he's very accurate in his takes.