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sicknessbysalem · 2 months

Note

Loved your new Calypso and Cassius fic!! the concept of twins is so cool. If you're willing, would you do a switcheroo with Cassius sick this time?

absolutely! ask and you shall recieve!

i am loving working with cassius and calypso! so this was so much fun. i also peppered in a little more plot/showing what the twins lives are like.

if you have any more questions, comments, requests, etc., send them my way!

tw emeto, fever, magic overuse, overwork.

“What’s wrong?”

The question made Cassius jump, his focus snapping away from the leather-bound book of alchemy recipes spread before him. He looked up to find Calypso gazing at him intently, her eyes sharp and questioning despite her seemingly casual posture.

“What do you mean?” he replied, trying to keep his voice steady.

“Your emotional aura,” Calypso said without looking up from her own spellbook, her tone matter-of-fact. “I can’t read yours as well. It’s murky. You put up a blockade, didn’t you?”

Cassius sighed, his shoulders sagging slightly. “Maybe accidentally,” he shrugged, attempting nonchalance.

“That’s also your medical alchemy book,” Calypso noted, her eyes still fixed on her spells. “You don’t tell me what’s up, I’ll make you.”

“Darling sister,” Cassius said, flipping a page with feigned indifference. “Your curiosity is kind but unnecessary.”

“Ew, formal Cassius,” Calypso wrinkled her nose slightly, her aura shifting with a mix of annoyance and amusement. “I didn’t invite him.”

“Really, Cal,” Cassius tried again, his voice softer. “I’m fine.”

It was a lie, of course.

Cassius was sick. Or, at least, getting sick. Unlike Calypso, who got sick violently and suddenly, Cassius got sick slowly. It would take hours, if not days, before he was actually sick. But he sure would feel it.

The dull ache of an oncoming fever simmered beneath his skin, each heartbeat sending a throb of heat through his veins. His limbs felt heavy, weighed down by a fatigue that seemed disproportionate to the minimal effort he had expended.

They had no shows tonight. They had one tomorrow, but that was tomorrow’s battle. He and Calypso had been in the study all morning, Calypso reading through spell books and Cassius looking at whatever alchemy books he could get his hands on.

His stomach churned uneasily, not quite nausea but a persistent discomfort that refused to be ignored. His magic, usually a source of energy and strength, drained him more than usual, each spell he cast leaving him feeling more depleted.

He knew Calypso too well. Her specialty wasn’t exactly emotional auras—well, for everyone except him. He couldn’t hide how he felt from her, usually. But finding a blockade spell conveniently bookmarked in one of her spellbooks—no doubt for her own use—he wasted no time in casting it to guard himself.

Then he sought solace in his medical alchemy book, hoping to brew something that could tackle his symptoms head-on. Yet his searches were coming up more and more negative, as if the book could sense his distress and was deliberately hiding the answers he sought.

“Calypso, did you hex my alchemy journal?” Cassius questioned some time later, frustration creeping into his voice. “Again?”

“Not this time,” Calypso replied, looking up from the pages of one of her spell books, a hint of a smirk playing at her lips. “To be fair, last time you almost needed to go to the emergency room.”

“So if I tell you that I don’t feel very well,” Cassius said, his tone cautious, “The pages won’t come back?”

“Jesus, Cas, I didn’t do it this time,” Calypso said, rolling her eyes. “Even if I had, after the last incident you decided to take into your own hands with my spell book, I wouldn’t do anything to your books if for nothing else to protect my own.”

“Then where are they?” Cassius said, “They’re usually here.”

“Oh, you’re fiesty!” Calypso giggled, “Here’s an idea, maybe your fever is messing up your focus and vision, as it usually does, and you’re struggling with reading anything in that book.”

Cassius stared at her, processing her words. He rubbed his temples, feeling the pounding headache intensify. She was probably right. The fever was making it difficult to concentrate, each line of text swimming before his eyes. He closed the book with a sigh, resting his head in his hands.

Calypso watched him for a moment, her expression softening. “Come on, Cas,” she said gently. “Let me help you. We both know there’s nothing in those books for this. You need rest and maybe some herbal tea. Mostly rest, I’m sure.”

Cassius looked up at her, grateful for her concern despite his attempts to hide his illness. “Alright,” he conceded. “But if you make me drink any sort of awful concoction, you owe me.”

Calypso chuckled, closing her own book and standing up.

“Deal,” she said, extending a hand to help him up. “Now, let’s get you settled. You look like you’re about to pass out.”

Cassius took her hand, allowing her to lead him to the comfort of his room. Calypso was not a caring person by any means. Unless, of course, it was with him. He knew that.

“I’ll grab you some water,” Calypso said, “I can bring up a few books too, if you want.”

Calypso had a routine. Whether it was a full illness or just a bad day all things considered for Cassius, she was always ready and planned for how she would get him to relax without overwhelming him. She was good at it. He appreciated her for it.

“Yeah, that’s fine,” Cassius said.

He just hoped it would be.

Around midnight, Cassius moaned softly as he rolled over once more. No matter how he positioned himself, he couldn't find the slightest bit of comfort.

The sheets felt too warm and constricting, the pillow too flat and unyielding. His body ached with a restless energy, an unyielding discomfort that seemed to gnaw at his very bones.

It was more annoying than anything else if he was being completely honest, a persistent nagging that kept him from the sleep he desperately needed.

Cassius really wasn’t feeling good. It wasn’t that he felt bad exactly—at least not in the usual sense of the word—but he just knew he needed to be in better health.

Actually, it was just getting worse the longer he lay there. His limbs felt heavy, weighed down by an invisible force, and his head throbbed with a dull, persistent ache.

His skin felt too tight, too sensitive, every brush of the sheets against his body sending ripples of irritation through his nerves.

For a moment, he wondered if he was overthinking, and with overthinking came induced feelings of malaise. But no amount of rationalizing could dispel the undeniable truth of his symptoms.

His throat felt tight, like it was closing in on itself, each swallow a painful effort. And his stomach was in complete turmoil, sloshing dangerously with every movement. Feeling as though one wrong breath would make him fully lose it.

He could feel the small portion of dinner he had managed to down trying to leave its current residence, churning and moving in a nauseating whirl that left him feeling shaky and dizzy even though he was laying down.

Cassius knew he was going to throw up. He knew it. The acid burning the back of his throat confirmed it, a bitter, acrid taste that made his mouth water unpleasantly. The tug in his stomach told him so, a relentless pull that demanded release.

His body was quick to disprove any hope of holding it back. His jaw clenched tight, and he kicked off his sheets with a sudden, frantic urgency.

His heart pounded in his chest as he made a mad scramble to his bathroom, each step sending jolts of pain through his already aching muscles. Standing so fast made him dizzy, it always did. He barely stumbled to the toilet in time, his knees hitting the cold, hard tile with a thud as he doubled over.

The first wave of vomit came violently, forcing its way up his throat with a brutal intensity that left him gasping for breath.

His body convulsed, each heave wracking him with pain as his stomach expelled its contents. The taste was vile, burning and acidic, as the remnants of his dinner and bile mixed in a nauseating slurry.

His vision blurred with tears, and he could feel the sweat pouring down his face, mingling with the tears as they dripped onto the floor.

He retched again and again, each bout more forceful than the last. His stomach felt like it was turning itself inside out, the muscles contracting painfully as they worked to expel every last bit of its contents.

He could feel the strain in his abdomen, the sharp, cramping pain that accompanied each heave. His throat burned, raw and sore from the constant vomiting, and his mouth tasted of bile and acid.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the retching began to subside. Cassius leaned against the cool porcelain of the toilet, his body trembling with exhaustion. His stomach still churned, but the immediate threat of vomiting seemed to have passed.

He closed his eyes, taking deep, shaky breaths as he tried to regain some semblance of composure. Now was the battle of trying to get back to bed.

He knew he needed to get back to bed, to try and rest, but the thought of moving was almost too much to bear. Every muscle in his body ached, his head pounded with a relentless intensity, and his throat felt like it had been scraped raw.

Cassius finally managed to pull himself up, using the sink for support. He rinsed his mouth out with cool water, the taste of bile lingering despite his efforts.

He splashed water on his face, hoping to wash away some of the sweat and tears, but it did little to alleviate the discomfort.

He made his way back to his bed, each step a painful effort. He collapsed onto the mattress, too exhausted to even pull the covers over himself. His body ached, his stomach still churned, and his head throbbed, but at least he was no longer on the bathroom floor.

As he lay there, staring up at the ceiling, he couldn't help but wonder how much longer this would last. And, worst of all, how he was expected to handle tomorrow.

Morning came way too soon. Cassius was roused from his fitful slumber by a gentle but persistent shaking. He groaned, trying to burrow deeper into the mattress, but the shaking only intensified.

"Cassius, wake up," Calypso's voice broke through the haze of sleep. "We need to get ready for our appearance."

Cassius reluctantly opened his eyes, blinking against the harsh morning light streaming through the window. Calypso was leaning over him, her expression a mix of concern and urgency. Her hand was on his shoulder, shaking him awake.

"Cal, what time is it?" he mumbled, his voice hoarse and raw.

"It's late," she replied, her tone leaving no room for argument. "We need to get moving. They are already downstairs waiting."

Cassius groaned again, rubbing his eyes. His body ached, a dull, persistent pain that seemed to radiate from every muscle.

His stomach was still unsettled, a lingering queasiness that made him wary of any sudden movements. But he knew how their aunt and uncle were. They expected perfection, no matter the circumstances.

"Alright, I'm up," he said, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. The room spun for a moment, and he had to close his eyes to steady himself.

Calypso watched him. Watched how pale he got. “You should know better than to sit up so fast…”

She handed him a glass of water with a worried frown. "Are you sure you're okay? You don’t look good at all."

Cassius forced a weak smile. "I'll be fine," he lied. "Just need to get through today."

Calypso didn't look convinced, but she didn't press the issue. She knew how stubborn he could be, especially when it came to their performances.

“Just take it easy, okay?" she said, helping him to his feet. "We have a long day ahead."

Cassius nodded, grateful for her support. He took a deep breath, trying to gather his strength, and followed her to the bathroom.

He splashed cold water on his face, hoping to wash away some of the lingering fatigue. His reflection in the mirror showed a pale, drawn face with dark circles under the eyes—a stark contrast to his usual vibrant appearance.

After a quick shower, Cassius dressed in his usual attire, the familiar clothes giving him a small measure of comfort. He could hear their aunt and uncle talking downstairs, their voices sharp and impatient. There was no time to waste.

Calypso was waiting for him, her expression a mask of determination. "Ready?" she asked, though she already knew the answer.

"Ready," Cassius replied, squaring his shoulders. He forced another smile, trying to project confidence he didn't feel.

They made their way downstairs, where their aunt and uncle were waiting. Their uncle glanced at Cassius, his eyes narrowing.

“You look like death warmed over," he said bluntly. "We can't afford to have you looking sick in front of the public."

Calypso rolled her eyes, “Well, he isn’t feeling well. What do you expect of him?”

Cassius forced himself to stand a little straighter, ignoring the burning in his throat and the churning in his stomach. "I'm fine," he said, his voice steady despite the lie.

Their aunt gave him a critical once-over, her lips pursed. "We have a reputation to uphold," she said. "Make sure you don't embarrass us. Calypso, dear, make him more presentable.”

Calypso sighed, summoning her makeup bag to her, getting to work.

Cassius let her, keeping his expression neutral. He knew better than to argue. Calypso shot him a sympathetic look as she worked on him, but she said nothing, knowing it would only make things worse.

They left the house once their aunt and uncle approved, stepping into the bright morning sunlight. The town was bustling with activity, the streets crowded with people preparing for the day's events.

Cassius took a deep breath, trying to steady his nerves. The public appearance was just the first hurdle of the day; they still had to prep for the evening show.

Throughout the morning, Cassius pushed himself to maintain his usual charm and composure. He smiled and greeted people, his voice warm and friendly despite the exhaustion that tugged at him. Calypso stayed close, her presence a reassuring anchor in the sea of faces.

As the day wore on, the strain began to show. Cassius could feel his energy waning, his limbs growing heavier with each passing hour. His stomach was a constant source of discomfort, the queasiness never fully abating. But he was determined to push through. He couldn't afford to let their aunt and uncle down, not when so much was riding on their performance.

By the time they returned home to prepare for the evening show, Cassius was running on sheer willpower. He slumped into a chair, his head in his hands, trying to summon the strength to get back up.

Calypso knelt beside him, her hand resting gently on his arm. "Cas, you don't have to do this," she said softly. "If you're too sick—"

"I can do it," Cassius interrupted, his voice firm. He looked up at her, his eyes filled with determination. "I have to."

Calypso sighed, but she didn't argue. She knew how much this meant to him. "Alright," she said, squeezing his arm. "But promise me you'll take it easy. I'll handle as much as I can."

As the evening drew closer, the anticipation for the show grew. The siblings busied themselves with preparations, ensuring every detail was perfect.

Cassius, despite his best efforts to appear well, was visibly struggling. Calypso watched him with concern, her heart aching for her brother. She knew he was pushing himself too hard, but she also knew how much this meant to him.

As they got ready backstage, Calypso smoothed down the collar of her jacket, made some adjustments to her shorts and her tights. Then turned her focus to Cassius.

She took the collar of his cape in her hands, “Here, let me help you," she said softly, fastening them and fixing his pin.

“And one more thing…” Calypso said, walking over to the vanity and grabbing her spell book.

Cassius knew. He knew what she was doing. What she was looking for.

Cassius shook his head, his face pale and drawn. "Cal, you know I don't like you using your magic on me," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "It hurts you, and we both need our strength for the show."

"It only hurts a little bit, it’ll even out,” Calypso insisted, her eyes pleading. "And this way, I can make you feel a little more stable, at least."

Cassius sighed, too tired to argue. He nodded reluctantly, and Calypso raised her hands, murmuring an incantation under her breath. Cassius let her, and part of him was glad he did, the ache in his body eased, the dizziness receded. He could feel the stabilizing effects of her magic, but he also knew the toll it took on her.

"Thank you," he said, his voice filled with gratitude and concern.

Calypso smiled, though it didn't reach her eyes. "Anything for you, Cass," she said, before turning to continue her own preparations.

The show began, and as always, the siblings dazzled the audience with their seamless performance. Calypso moved with her usual grace and confidence, her spells and tricks flowing effortlessly.

Cassius, on the other hand, struggled to maintain his usual charisma. His movements were slower, his spells taking more effort than usual. The strain was evident, and Calypso noticed every falter, every slip.

Throughout the performance, Calypso did her best to help him discreetly. She used subtle spells to ease his discomfort, cooling charms to lower his fever, and fanned him with her deck of cards, a seemingly playful gesture that was actually a desperate attempt to keep him from overheating between the lights, the stress, and the fever. He could see her worry when they made eye contact, but she kept her show persona intact, her smile never wavering.

Cassius felt the support, the small moments of relief, but it wasn't enough to last. It couldn’t be enough to last, it would hurt her. He knew that, and he was thankful for what she offered.

As the show went on, the nausea grew stronger, the dizziness more pronounced. He fought to keep his composure, to not let the audience see how sick he was. Each spell, each movement drained him further, and by the time the show neared its end, he was barely holding on.

Calypso saw the change in him, the way his face paled even more, his breaths coming in shallow gasps. She knew he was close to his limit, and her heart broke for him. She intensified her efforts, pouring more of her magic into him, despite the pain it caused her. But it could only do so much.

Finally, the show reached its end. Cassius pushed himself to deliver the final spell, his vision swimming, his body trembling with exhaustion. As the applause erupted around them, he felt a wave of dizziness crash over him, and he knew he couldn't hold on any longer.

He stumbled backstage, the noise of the crowd fading into the background.

Calypso was right behind him, her hand on his back, guiding him. He heard her hesls clicking on the floor, running with him. As soon as they were out of sight, Cassius bolted for the closest trash bin and doubled over, the contents of his stomach violently making their way up. He retched, the force of it leaving him gasping for breath, his body shaking uncontrollably.

Calypso stopped beside him, her hand rubbing soothing circles on his back. "It's okay, Cass," she murmured, her voice filled with worry and love. "Just let it out."

Cassius vomited again, each heave more painful than the last. His throat burned, his stomach cramping painfully. Tears streamed down his face, and he could barely catch his breath between bouts of retching. Calypso stayed by his side, her presence a comforting anchor amidst the turmoil.

When it finally subsided, Cassius slumped against the wall, his body drained of all energy. Calypso wiped his face with a damp cloth he was sure she conjured up, her sapphire eyes glimmering with a mix of post-show high and worried tears.

“You pushed yourself too hard," she said softly, her voice trembling. "You need to rest."

Cassius nodded weakly, too exhausted to argue. He closed his eyes, leaning into her touch. Calypso wrapped her arms around him, holding a surprising amount of his weight with ease.

“I'm sorry," he whispered, his voice barely audible, hugging her. He sought her support, both against how terrible he felt and to ease her worry.

"Don't be," Calypso said, her voice gentle but firm. "You did amazing, as always. Now, let’s get you home."

Cassius leaned heavily on her, his steps unsteady. He could feel the lingering effects of her magic, a small comfort amidst the pain.

Each step felt like an insurmountable challenge, his body trembling with exhaustion. Calypso could see the toll the night had taken on him, and her heart ached to see her brother in such a state.

They had barely made it to the dressing room when Calypso stopped, "We need to get out of here," she said softly. "They’ll want to bitch and complain, that’s the last thing you need. Hold on to me, Cass."

Cassius opened his eyes, a flicker of concern crossing his features. "Cal, you don't have to—"

"I do," Calypso interrupted, her voice resolute. "I need to get you home. Now, hold on."

Cassius tightened his grip around her, trusting her judgment. Calypso took a deep breath, summoning her magic. She could feel the familiar tingle of energy coursing through her veins, but this time, it was different. The spell she was about to cast required a significant amount of power, more than she usually exerted. But she was willing to bear the pain if it meant getting Cassius home safely.

She closed her eyes, focusing her energy, and began to chant softly under her breath. The air around them seemed to shimmer, the space distorting as the magic took hold. Cassius felt a rush of energy envelop them, a strange sensation that made his stomach lurch. Surely if he was healthy he’d probably feel slightly uneasy but this made him nauseous, more nauseous anyway. He held on tighter, trusting Calypso to guide them.

In an instant, the world around them shifted. The dressing room disappeared, replaced by the familiar surroundings of their home.

Calypso stumbled slightly, the effort of the spell leaving her breathless. She clung to Cassius, her body shaking with the strain.

Cassius looked at her, concern etched on his face. "Cal, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Calypso nodded.

She could feel the residual pain from the spell, a sharp ache that seemed to pulse through her entire body. But she pushed it aside, focusing on Cassius. "We’re home now. Let’s get you comfortable."

She guided him to his bed, helping him lie down. Her own legs felt unsteady, but she ignored it, her priority on her brother. Cassius sank into the cushions, his eyes heavy with exhaustion.

Calypso knelt beside him, her hand resting gently on his forehead. "You need to rest, Cass," she said softly. "I'll take care of everything else."

Cassius nodded, too tired to argue. He closed his eyes, a sense of relief washing over him now that they were home.

Calypso watched him for a moment, her heart heavy with worry. She knew she had pushed herself too hard, but seeing Cassius safe and resting made it worth it.

With a deep breath, Calypso stood up, though her legs wobbled slightly. She went to the kitchen, preparing a glass of water and gathering some herbal remedies she hoped would help ease Cassius's discomfort.

Returning to Cassius, she gently lifted his head, helping him drink the water. "Here, sip this," she murmured, her voice soothing. "It’ll help settle your stomach."

Cassius obeyed, taking small sips. The cool liquid soothed his throat, and he managed a weak smile. "Thank you, Cal."

"Always," she replied, brushing a strand of hair from his forehead. "Now, get some rest. I'll be right here if you need anything."

Cassius nodded, his eyes already closing. Calypso watched him for a moment longer, ensuring he was comfortable before she allowed herself to sit down.

She grabbed her own spell book, flipping through the pages. The pain from the spell was more intense now, her entire body feeling like it was on fire. But she needed to watch Cassius, to protect him however she could.

“I’ve got you,” Calypso said, “Promise.”

#emeto #sickfic #emeto fic #emeto cw #emeto tw #emetophilia #fever cw #fever tw #emeto writer

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whumble-beeee · 1 year

Text

Whumptember 2023, Day 10

“What are you doing to them?”

Brainwashed | Hanging from their wrists | Phone call

The Bee’s Whumptember Masterlist

~900 words

CW: Frank talk of future character murder, tazer (but no tazing, funnily enough), blood, sadistic whumper, brainwashed whumpee

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Whumpee had long since given up trying to support their own weight. It’s not like the expended effort would do anything for them except tire them out even more, make their wrists blister and bleed until the shiny red tracks of blood crisscrossed down their arms and around bruised skin and swollen flesh, aggravate their already barely functional shoulder muscles as they screamed out to be freed of the burden of bearing Whumpee’s entire weight. These days, energy was a woefully scarce commodity. It couldn’t be wasted on pointless endeavors like struggling.

Whumper suddenly stopped messing with their taser, crossing their arms over their chest and looking Whumpee up and down with narrowed eyes. They clicked their tongue. “You know what? You’re starting to get really boring.”

Whumpee half opened their eyes and pulled the edges of their mouth back, as if asking what Whumper wanted them to do about it. Sure, it was great when Whumper was happy, even if it came at the cost of Whumpee’s mind, body, and soul, but it wasn’t Whumpee’s fault that they weren’t responsive enough. Whumper should have taken better care of his toy if they didn’t want them to break. And Whumpee was already so far beyond broken.

“Mm, yeah…” Whumper nodded to themself, clicking their tongue again and resting their chin on their fingers, as if deep in thought. “Looks like time’s just about up for you... Might be time to let you go.”

Whumpee quirked their head up, as much as they could with their arms wrenched above them, practically holding their head in a vice. Let them go? The idea that Whumper would ever do something as merciful as letting them go made Whumpee’s eye’s go wide. Whumper was many things, but merciful, caring, any other positive adjective, really, was not one of them.

Whumper practically doubled over with laughter at Whumpee's stupid little facial expression. “Oh! Oh, no, not like that, you stupid waste of space!” Whumper could barely get out the full sentence through their hysterics. “No, no I mean like, the other let you go. Y’know, like,” Whumper raised their taser and slammed it in Whumpee’s head in an unmistakable stabbing motion, slamming Whumpee once, twice, three times, more, until Whumpee was seeing stars and their head was spinning wildly. They swung back and forth slowly on the chain wrenching their wrists toward the heavens, breath shuddering through their teeth, new blood caking on top of old.

“Like that,” Whumper continued nonchalantly. “But with a real knife, y’know. Or we could do something else, I don’t have to stab you in the head. That might be too hard to do anyway…” They paused, as if lost in thought again, before flipping their hands down, shooing the thought away. “Whatever, we’ll see where the vibe takes us.”

Whumper’s eyes suddenly lit up with a new idea, and Whumpee felt a cold snake of fear slithering and squeezing its way through their usual need to please, choking them out with useless thoughts of fear and survival. “And now that I don’t have to hold back, we can really have some fun, right? I’ve always wanted to try an upright vivisection…” They lightly traced the prongs of the taser gently down Whumpee’s cut-riddled stomach, leaving prickly gooseflesh in its wake.

No, no, no, this was all wrong. Whumpee wasn’t supposed to think any of those pesky thoughts like ‘I don’t want to die’ or ‘please stop’ or ‘get AWAY from me!’ They lived to make Whumper happy, and if it made Whumper happy to kill them, then that’s what Whumpee would do. Die. For Whumper. It’s what they were for…

So why were they suddenly so scared?! Why did they want to scream and cry and beg for Whumper to ‘Please! God! No, don’t! Stop!’ Why were they dreaming of someone bursting through to door and looking at Whumper in absolute horror and yelling “What are you doing to them?!” and whisking Whumpee away to safety while whispering sweet nothings, somewhere Whumper couldn’t hurt them ever again. Or kill them. That wasn’t right of Whumpee. They were there to make Whumper happy. That’s it.

Except… If Whumpee was dead, would Whumper be able to be happy anymore? Whumpee wouldn’t be there anymore, so who else could make Whumper happy? Maybe if Whumpee just… pointed that out…

No. Whumpee did as Whumper wanted. If Whumper told them to die, then they would. No questioning it. No trying to change it. Besides, they were too tired to try anything anyway. Right?

Whumper was prancing to the door when Whumpee finally came back to themself. “I’ll go get my tools!” They called as they slammed open the door. They then noticed the taser still in their hand and pelted it at Whumpee. Whumpee cringed away from the flying object as it struck them in the chest. “BRB, and stay there!”

Whumpee didn’t know how or where they would go even if they wanted to (which they DIDN’T). Besides, they were good for Whumper. So they stayed dutifully there, arms aching painfully above their head, toes barely touching to floor, and trying not to acknowledge their speeding heart and shallow breaths as they waited for Whumper to return for the last time.

@whumptember

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egg-emperor · 2 years

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Had a dream that Eggman got tired of using animals as living batteries for his machines because they didn't provide enough power and needed to be sustained as natural lifeforms.

So he turned his attention to Chao. He experimented with a Neutral but the chao can only grant their power if they're willing, so the first test was a failure.

He later found out they're more obedient and willing if you raise them til they're adults and transformed. So he did that. Then he put it in a machine to test it. The test was successful, for maybe an hour or so... The chao was so willing to help its master that it expended all of its energy and died in the process.

Eggman just shrugged and scoffed as he ordered Metal Sonic to raise a garden of evil chao so that he could mass produce and exploit more of them. Didn't care if they all died, he just wanted them to power his sentinels.

I was wondering... What would you think if Sega took a dark route like this with Eggman? I know you're a fan of the more violent and evil Eggman, so i wanted to hear your opinion on this. Personally, if Sega ever wanted to make a T rated sonic game I'd friggin love seeing this side of Eggman.

DUDE FJSBSBGKSBFKGNZN I'm rubbing my hands together and scheming evilly with this, that's when you know it's good

I've always liked to imagine that one of the few reasons he keeps Chao around is because he's fascinated with them for their connection to Chaos and wants to research to learn more and potentially get some use out of them in future plans. Because that's really his first thought for anything in life, what it can do for him. Even when it comes to innocent little creatures, as he's got a track record of that starting from the very beginning.

How fucked up it would be if all those Chao that he keeps in his private garden and Cryptic Castle would be used for something so twisted in the end. I like to think that no matter how long it was that he had been keeping Chao until he decided to test his theories, it wouldn't be difficult for him to grab one and use it as a test subject for another sick scheme at the thought, just like any other small cute creatures in his life because there are no exceptions.

Starting with a plain neutral which means it's untouched and uninfluenced by him, which one would think that using them would be more bearable than one they've bonded with and become attached to. But Eggman isn't like that, when he finds they need that effort as they need to be willing, it'll only make him more eager and determined and he won't even hesitate to create a bond with a Chao with the intention of breaking it in the worst way possible.

Even if that means showing them the supposed love and affection they require, making them feel happy, safe, and trusting, even admiring him and believing he cares. They don't know that the wild grin on his face isn't that of pure joy to spend time and have fun with them. And they don't know that when he laughs, it's because he's thinking about how these cute little things have so much power he can use and he's not going to let it go to waste.

He changes them into the perfect Dark Chao that are loyal to him- then betrays and uses them just like anything else. And he isn't even cruel before that, only making what becomes of them even worse and more heartless of an act because despite how they were fooled, the process wasn't genuine bonding and he didn't develop feelings of care, he still willingly puts them at risk so easily. That's all it was to him, a process, a necessary step to be taken in his plan.

Well, he's not cruel to them that much so they don't start to hate him and become too unwilling to be used- buuut if he wants to speed up the process of them becoming Dark type, then he could occasionally get a liiittle bit harsher... Because you know how quickly they can change their tune from upset from it to happy, if they're petted and fed after. I mean he has exclusive kicking and slapping animations in the Chao Garden for a reason fjsbgksbgjskgbk god

And it's the same when they die during the test. He doesn't feel guilty about the poor little Chao that he raised and betrayed by bringing it into the world and then taking it out of it. He just hardly even acknowledges its death, aside from being pleased that it worked and likes how it was willing enough to give its life for him but of course, he takes it for granted because he feels he's entitled to it and it should be the standard for all those beneath him.

His only thought is it would've been nicer if it could've lived longer for it to be useful to him longer and that's it. But he shrugs like oh well and decides using the Chao is very convenient than the common creatures for their higher energy and power and how they're actually even easier to mass produce as he keeps them contained in his gardens and castle. So it's onto the next step of hatching and raising more with help of Metal and other robots to prepare for his scheme.

And he's not just careless about how they'll all die but can also find it entertaining, how they're so easy to influence and make willing and obedient, so eager to please that it kills them. It's the loyalty he always demands and will take advantage of in the darkest ways, they must be willing to give their all including their life to do as he pleases. He'd love the power he feels with them submitting their lives to him. They belong to him for his selfish cause, even if it means sacrificing.

He can cruelly torment helpless little Wisps and enjoy their fear and then drain them of their energy for his selfish needs until they become dark negative beings, so I wouldn't put it beneath him and he could even actually enjoy it as well as be apathetic towards it. It doesn't matter who they are or what they look like, he will exploit them for his gain just like anything else with no exceptions, what he wants and what they can do for him always comes first.

I'd absolutely love it if they did omfg 🥰💜💕💘💖 I don't want them to introduce all these huge changes to his character in upcoming games and make him nicer, I just want more exploration of his character the way he is, like the great lengths he'll go for his own selfish gain and how evil and scary he can get. Not changing a single thing about him, just the tone of the overall story to allow the exploration of his already existing great traits and capabilities.

Thank you for sharing this concept with me, I adore it. I'm so happy to be getting back to talking about my kind of dark, evil, and violent but also funny Eggman which I really enjoy the most. And this is right up my alley and the exact kind of stuff that I'm gonna be posting even more of on my upcoming side blog! :D

#dr eggman #eggman #dr robotnik #dr. eggman #chao #asks #my post

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twistedisciple · 1 year

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Reward vs Punishment

// I came across Griss' unused victory lines recently and they had me thinking about just how extrinsically motivated he is. Specifically "How was that?" and "Where's my reward?"

First of all, as an aside, for someone who loves pairs of things, the way the Four Hounds are broken into pairs is fun to think about. You have visual pairs: Zephia and Griss (revealing clothing, horns/spikes, etc.), and Mauvier and Marni (head to toe armor). But you also have thematic pairs: Zephia and Mauvier (intrinsically motivated by a sense of duty to someone), and Griss and Marni (extrinsically motivated by punishment and praise, respectively). With respect to the last pair, this makes Griss the most hound-like of the Four Hounds, winning over Marni only because he has 11 years on her, and that's a long time to let extrinsic reward rot away one's internal sense of right and wrong. Griss would give all those pigeons, rats, and dogs in conditioning experiments a run for their money.

REWARD

When we talk about conditioning, we use the words "reward" and "punishment." Griss uses the words "punishment" and "pain" interchangeably in canon, but what he means is pain as a reward. This is what motivates and reinforces his behavior and, paired with his low (or lack of) morality and personal opinion, makes him extremely trainable. Promise him pain and he'll turn tricks until he hits the one that rewards him. Marni is similar with praise, and we even see her going out of her way to find the right thing that will earn her that praise (e.g. volunteering for missions). Animals that are just beginning to learn a trick tend to do this, too, and that's what trainers take advantage of to scaffold the behavior that they ultimately want to reward. Griss was likely the same when he was younger, and now in TOA, without Zephia and Sombron's expectations, he's back at that stage again.

While pain is at the top of the list, I do think there are other things that can serve as adequate reward for Griss. He's conscious of the physical ones: gold, food, alcohol, smokes. But acceptance/acknowledgment is one that he responds to on an unconscious level ("How was that?"). For the most part, this makes him a pretty good mercenary. Give him some money and a bed and he'll do whatever you want. Mostly. But he's never going to do more than what's asked unless he's getting something out of it, and he'll almost always take the shortcuts because the faster a job gets done, the faster he gets his reward. Knightly types like Mauvier would find this sort of slapdash approach unacceptable, but Griss is all about working smarter, not harder. Maximize that reward-to-effort ratio. It's amusing that one of his victory lines is "Where's my reward?" since it sounds like the moment a body hits the ground, he's immediately holding his hand out to whoever gave the order. Treat now? Treat Now? Treat Now?

However, this also means that the effort Griss is willing to expend for someone is directly related to how much he trusts that they'll reward him. He's not going to go out and do something hard for a brand new employer if he doesn't have proof that they'll pay him when he's done. Likewise, Nel and Rafal might fill a certain void made by Zephia and Sombron's absence here in TOA, but they'll still have to prove that they're worth being loyal to. Rafal has a leg up already, supposedly having Sombron's blessing, but he could still easily lose that trust.

PUNISHMENT

Given his disposition, Griss would be as equally sensitive to punishment as he is to reward. Pain just doesn't work, and there is very little indication in canon about what might serve as a punishment for him so this is almost entirely headcanon.

Withholding pain would be one way to punish him, but pain would first need to be established as the reward. If pain was not expected to begin with, then not hurting him isn't going to send any sort of message. There are too many situations without pain that Griss willingly participates in, so instead what I think he's most sensitive to is disownment and confinement. He doesn't want to be cut off by the people he respects, and threat of both exile from and abandonment by the fell church would have kept him in line. He understands the importance of his service to Sombron as well, and acts in accordance with Sombron's will to avoid being disowned as one of his "favorites." and yet, in the end, griss realized no amount of service would stop sombron from abandoning zephia, so what did that mean for him? Of course, this only works from those he's aligned with. To anyone else's disapproval, he just says "fuck 'em."

The second, confinement, would work well due to his love of sensation. If you lock him up in a tiny room somewhere for a few hours, where he can't hurt himself or talk to anyone, it's going to get the message across real fast. He can't stand being left alone with nothing to do. Responds well to time-outs if there's something fun going on elsewhere. Might throw a fit though.

Anyway, ultimately these new lines made me want to expand on Griss a bit more beyond his obsession with pain, and reason out how punishment DOES work on him. Every day, a new little gem dug out from the game's data.

#headcanons #// ironically cognitive-behavioral psych was my worst subject in grad school #// hated it actually so it's funny that here I am thinking about it again #// interactions with rafal these past couple of weeks conjured up this mental image of a dog barely patient enough to wait for a treat #// and it hasn't left me since

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flockofdoves · 2 years

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i think its important to retain compassion and make sure when i actually talk to her i am open to listening to whatever she has to say. obviously thats important even just on purely a level of wanting communication to go well and for her to be receptive to solutions. but also of course there needs to be space kept for me and my gf to vent our frustration on our own time bc just bc pretty much almost everyone can always have some sort of personal justification for why they did something within their constricted circumstances obviously that doesn't mean people hurt by that dont still have reasons to be upset or resent the situation. and i'm trying to be good and healthy in how i balance these two things.

i'm not always the best at conversations i can be a bit conflict avoidant and i have given up on talking about any of this for a while after my last half assed attempts at communication about this stuff failed (even if i think to be fair to myself some of it very clearly goes beyond what i'd imagine the scope of any misalignment of expectations from past experiences in different living situations could cause. like sure ok maybe you've used other peoples dishes in the past but i cant imagine it takes communication (which i did w this actually!) to know that if you've then let those dishes mold for a month throwing out that persons dishes after they ask you to wash them after they see them outside is not an acceptable next step) but i’m really trying to expend the effort to be better at communicating

but every time i’ve tried she avoids it somehow. and i keep trying harder in more direct but still not aggressive ways and i’m sure theres still more i could do but its just so so frustrating having it continue on this way.

i feel like theres no space for me to even healthily balance my frustration with not letting that boil into any actual opportunity to talk because its just like a constant situation of having to hope that she’ll actually not avoid things this time and i need to emotionally prep myself for conversation so that i won’t unproductively just come across as angry (or just like. so shaky i cant talk lol) and because i’m just like fucking constantly having to put myself in that state theres not even a healthy space to even be properly mad during me and my gfs time when shes not around

i’m just so so so sick of this i’m so constantly stressed and sad about all of this this is the worst roommate situation i’ve ever been in even when just like. in fun conversations before she was avoiding us and that i still overhear w her friends i really enjoy my roommate. like thats really saying something when i’ve had a homophobic passive aggressive roommate before and a roommate that always turned the thermostat up to 90 degrees!!! but this is still (even after her wayyyy lowballing the utility bills “at their worst” looking back lmao) like the cheapest place i’ve seen around here with this fucking housing crisis happening around my college and at this point itd literally be too late to find anything good for when this lease ends i don’t know what to fucking do i was panicking about housing this time last year and it felt like it might fall through at like any moment once we did secure this apartment last august and then like so soon after that everything started to gradually get more and more stressful as more things happened with our roommate so its been like a fucking year of housing stress about stuff but we didn’t even start early bc it cost so much to furnish this place so our room wasnt just so deeply stressful to live in with the amount of unpacked boxes for months that we only just finally had all the furniture and storage to actually put away that we kept being like well i’m sure if we just communicate better it can improve because we really want to keep living here and dont want to go through All That with apartment applications and moving again any time soon but also jesus christ what if it just doesnt fucking change im in fucking limbo

#cpost

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much-obliged-timothy · 2 years

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Whumptober #18

Star Wars - #18 - Treading Water

Flying was for droids.

Obi-Wan’s thoughts looped on this point as he desperately maneuvered his ship over the water. The Separatists had launched an attack on the clone facility on Kamino, and Obi-Wan had been the first to respond. Somehow he got dragged into piloting to take down several ships that were doing bombing runs over the facility.

“General, how are you holding up? We just heard from General Skywalker. He’ll be here soon with backup.”

“Cody, next time, you’re flying!” Obi-Wan said, narrowly avoiding an attack from the ship pursuing him. “There’s just one left, but they’re a good pilot. I’m going to bring them close to the facility, if you’d like to offer a little assistance.”

“Aw, General, I’d hate to take the fun away from you,” Cody said.

“Cody.”

“Armed and ready, sir. Bring them in.”

“You best be ready, Cody. If I have to keep-”

He grunted in surprise as the ship was finally hit. Another attack caught it, sending him spiraling, slamming his head against the side of the ship. He grabbed at the controls, trying to pull the ship up before he crashed into the water, alarms blaring out at him from all the systems.

“Not good,” he ground out, vision wavering as his head ached.

“General! General, what’s happening?” Cody yelled.

He’d lost control of the ship, and the smell of smoke was too thick to be a good sign. The other ship was still pursuing him, making sure he crashed.

“Going down,” he said.

He had no time for anything else; the other ship was firing on him again. He ejected himself from the ship, hitting the water hard as his ship blew up overhead.

He stayed under the water as pieces of ship debris crashed into the water and sank around him. He held his breath as long as he possibly could before going up and breaking the surface, sucking in air and immediately scanning the sky.

The enemy ship was already in the distance, heading back for the facility. Cody would be there and waiting to take him down, at least.

He was too far from the facility to be able to swim back to it. The waves churned all around him, jerking him in the water.

His best bet was to stay put and tread water until they sent someone for him. With any luck, they’d been tracking his position and would get him quickly.

Obi-Wan knew better than to rely on luck, though. He eased his movements as much as he could to keep himself afloat without expending too much of his energy.

It was freezing in the water, and the constant assault of rain wasn’t helping. His clothes were weighing him down, but he certainly wasn’t going to be rescued in the nude. He allowed himself to kick off his boots and let them sink. Anything else would be undignified and, frankly, more effort than it was worth at this point. His clothes were clinging to him and getting them off would be a struggle he couldn’t waste time and energy with.

He was scanning the sky, so a wave crashing over his head took him by surprise and dragged him under. It was dark beneath the waves, disorienting him.

He tried to stay calm, chasing the water back to the surface and gulping in a breath. He pushed his hair out of his eyes and resigned himself to watching the waves instead, stealing glances at the sky for any sign of rescue.

Certainly someone would come for him. Even if they’d lost his position, he knew Anakin. Anakin was far too stubborn to not search the whole ocean for his friend.

Obi-Wan tried to calm his mind and reach out in the force, but another wave knocked him under and broke his concentration before he managed much. He instead focused on keeping his head above water.

“Come on, Anakin,” he muttered through chattering teeth.

He focused only on treading the water and keeping himself afloat against the waves. He did not focus on the passing time, or the fact that he had no idea what was beneath the water, or the ache in his arms and legs as he kept them moving in a slow, steady rhythm.

It was only when another wave finally managed to knock him back under that he realized just how tired his body was growing. He was so cold he could hardly feel his limbs anymore, and the feeling he did have in them was just tired pain.

Every kick of his legs and swing of his arms was becoming a conscious effort. The waves were knocking him around and he realized that even if they’d had his position, the waves and the tide had probably dragged him far from it.

Obi-Wan considered floating on his back for a bit to let his limbs rest. But the waves mocked the very idea, and he fought to stay above them as they crashed over him yet again.

He fought and fought, forcing his limbs to move beyond their limit, fighting his growing exhaustion and the sharp spike of pain beating steadily in his skull.

Everyone had a limit, though.

He thought of Anakin and pushed himself beyond his limit. When he began to slip beneath the waters, he thought first of Anakin again, then of Qui-Gon Jinn, and then of Satine.

Not like this. Not when the galaxy needed him. Not when his loss would hurt others.

And still, he slipped beneath the waves.

It was peaceful, in a way. He closed his eyes as the water dragged him down, some small part of him panicking at the lack of air but the rest of him relieved he could rest now.

Darkness. Silence. Heavy and comforting in its own way.

“Obi-Wan!”

Pain as he opened his eyes, pushed onto his side as he threw up water. He gasped weakly, and his head hurt too much to think of anything but the pain.

“Alert the facility to prep the medical station! General Skywalker, we’re losing him again.”

“Obi-Wan, stay with me. Stay with me!”

“General Kenobi, can you hear us? Can you open your eyes?”

He couldn’t, not anymore. Breathing was becoming too hard again, his lungs feeling as if they were still drowning. He felt a heavy pressure on his chest, and then someone was forcing air into his lungs.

He was choking up more water, chest burning with pain now. Someone had their arms around him, whispering pleas for him to stay with them in his ear.

He’d tried. He’d tried so hard to keep his head above the water, trusting Anakin would come. And Anakin had come.

“Come on, Obi-Wan,” Anakin pleaded.

Obi-Wan was safe now, Anakin pulling him from the water just like he’d believed. He slumped back against Anakin, his words nonsensical and only the familiar sound of his voice recognizable now. Obi-Wan let himself be dragged back down into the dark and quiet, trusting Anakin would pull him out again since he didn’t have the strength to do it himself this time.

#whumptober2022 #no.18 #treading water #star wars #fic writing #obi-wan kenobi #anakin skywalker #clone commander cody #jtdoeswhumptober

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lindsaywesker · 2 years

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Good morning! I hope you slept well and feel rested? Currently sitting at my desk, in my study, attired only in my blue towelling robe, enjoying my first cuppa of the day. Welcome to the working week although, for those of you in the NHS, welcome to just another day!

Saturday was brilliant from start to finish! Really enjoyed my radio show, then straight out to a private party; a 50th for my lovely friend Kate Cardenas. She had really made an effort for her guests: fun luminous jewellery, a friend doing stylish face painting, endless supply of bubbly, delicious canapes and zillions of mini cupcakes. And, as she has friends in high places, it was a top line-up of DJs! After waking up early with The Mighty Josiah, by about 10.00, I was cream-crackered and dozed off! The Trouble has the edge on me; she’s fallen asleep in a club AND in a restaurant, though we did both fall asleep at a wedding!

Last week, I read that Lord David Sainsbury had donated money to The Conservative Party so, on Sunday, I had planned to alter my routine of the last 20 years and shop at Tesco’s. The Trouble urged me to do some more research and I discovered that, the last time he donated money, he gave it to the Lib-Dems! Don’t care about them, so I went back to Sainsbury’s, where they were giving me 5 x Nectar points if I bought fruit or vegetables, desperately trying to get UK people to eat more healthily. Good luck with that! Me? I always buy a bag of bananas!

Once I’d unpacked the shopping, The Mighty Josiah and I went to the local park. He got a new bike for Christmas, so he was anxious to ride it and I was anxious for him to expend some energy. As you know, it was sunny but cold! Bloody cold! I managed to stay out there for two hours but I was wrapped up tight in my padded jacket with my hands in my pockets. Once I got home, it took an hour for my extremities to thaw out!

Social Media Update: I now have 1000 Tumblr followers, MOST of them BOTS. Countless bogus accounts following me (literally) every day. No, I will NOT be following you. Go away, ya morons! Do NOT be impressed by just anyone with big social media numbers; some of these people are genuinely popular, while some have profiles stuffed full of non-existent followers! Fake profiles, fake friends, insincere emotions, fake hair, fake eyelashes, fake bodies, music created by artificial intelligence, soft drinks made with artificial sweeteners. What a fake world we live in!

Many thanks to everyone that listened to the show on Saturday afternoon, and many thanks to those that will listen to any part of it on Mixcloud. Sharon Newton did a great job, didn’t she? This coming Saturday is The Letter L (Pt. 3). Executive Producer: superstar DJ Gayle Dumont.

And, I think, if I time it right, I should be able to go LIVE on Facebook Live tomorrow at 7.00 a.m. and still get to work on time! I suspect Too Much Information Tuesday needs my stupid face to really do it justice?

Have a marvellous and momentous Monday. I love you all.

#mixcloud #mi soul #dj #music #new blog #lockdown #coronavirus #books #weekend #democracy #brexit #cronyism #election #radio

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libertineangel · 8 months

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Hi im very. Intoxicated rn so I'm sorry for any incoherence. But I feel you on the miserable-ness of going to shit alone. The only reason I'm able to not do that is bc I have a partner now but that only works Sometimes bc him and I have incredibly different ideas of fun so I'm Still going to shit all by myself most of the time bc I have no idea how to make friends. And I only have my partner bc we fucking met online and realized we clicked in person, it was a sheer stroke of pure luck lol

This shit sucks and I'm so sorry you have to deal with it. I wish I had advice but I have no idea how to meet people. I haven't even tried dating/friendship apps bc I know that I'm just a fundamentally weird person t get to know and idk if it's trauma or the autism that makes me like that but man. It sucks. Being in a crowded roo. Where everyone has someone to be with is so fucking isolating and horrible and not something I want anyone to go through and I'm sorry that you're dealing w this too

I hope you find people you can go out with. For what it's worth I think you'd be so cool to go to stuff with and I'd probably try to talk to you if I saw you at a show or something (and I got over the New People Anxiety that comes w being autistic and weird in public) but alas, I'm in america.

Best of luck to you, I hope you find your people

Thanks, I appreciate the thought, and likewise you have my sympathy, even in my prior relationship I also still did pretty much everything alone and it was not ideal. It's absolutely a good call not to bother trying to find people on apps though, take my word for it haha, having tried a ton of them for over a year it was a thoroughly miserable experience that left me feeling even worse than before. But yeah being the only person alone in a room really is a specific kind of horrible, to look around and see everyone else has somehow succeeded and wonder how the fuck they did it, why every attempt I make so completely fails, yeah it ain't fun.

Doesn't help as well that I have such minimal experience doing things any other way that I literally just don't know what to do or how to act in the rare instances I'm not alone, like it turns out that if you never socialise outside the education system between the ages of 10 and 19 you end up severely ill-equipped to do so as an adult, like unless someone else is willing to do the bulk of the talking and generally lead the entire social engagement I am pretty bland company because I'm so used to being entirely in my own head when I'm out that I just do not know how to do anything else, I never learnt the scripts or developed the necessary social instincts, so even if I did ostensibly find people I might get along with enough to actually regularly spend time with it's hard to imagine them wanting to expend the necessary effort to do so.

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punkscowardschampions · 10 months

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Java Pt.2

Ava: [biting his lip because it’s one place you really can with no fucks and you gotta because the feels are too damn high now, making a grumpy noise into his mouth because life is so unfair]

James: [moaning her name into her mouth with all the !! because it’s the first chance he’s even had to say it cos couldn’t be namedropping to Jay when Teddy has already namedropped her to Chlo and there’s no telling when he’ll get to chance to say it out loud again because of this bloody holiday, PULLING her hair out of his way and her jacket collar too if needs be, going over the lovebite he gave her again v dramatically because never letting that fade whether she’s wearing his shirt or not]

Ava: [DIGGING your fingers into his shoulders because feeling like you could fall despite both your efforts to be as close together as possible because you’re so turned on you cannot sit still in the slightest, breathing into his neck at the pulse point, breath only getting more erratic however hard you try to calm it down]

James: [such a noise at the contact and how hard it is because it’s the most she can really do and you both know that and fully appreciate that she’s doing it, stopping what he’s doing with his lovebite so that it isn’t muffled, however quiet he has to vaguely keep it for this setting and sleeping Jay’s sake, so she gets to hear and remember it fully, doing the absolute most to let her feel how turned on he is because in no world is he staying still either, the movements getting more insistent and !! as her breathing does, maintaining EYE CONTACT by cupping her face like she did his earlier except it’s much more an intense hold ofc]

Ava: [yes, can’t be waking this baby, also don’t want to be caught by anyone, so we have to have some level of decorum about this, so we’re biting our own lip here as our eyes are rolling to the back of our head for a hot sec before attempting to refocus back on his as we also make a more concerted effort to make our movements rhythmic and in time with his, getting as close as we can without initiating anything here ‘you promise you’ll write?’]

James: [‘I already have’ looking over at wherever the bag he gave her is so that she will too, not at all casual spoilers there but we can’t help giving them considering the decorum he do have to have in other areas which is gonna be proving a difficult task now that y’all’s movements have synched up how they have and it’s making you feel a type of way ‘but I’ll write more’ emphasis on that last word because never over when she said it so we gotta be indecent about it, touching the lip she was biting down on with even more !! than before when he was lingering hardcore pre-kiss]

Ava: [adorably darting your eyes from him to this bag because you can’t look away for long enough the first time to take in exactly what he means, when you have, shaking your head at yourself like get it together ‘I’ll read them later’ speaking against his fingertips with such solemnity because need to give them serious concentration which you are incapable of currently]

James: [a nod like yes you absolutely should, as seriously, because THINKING about her doing that is almost as much fun as he had writing the letters lbr ‘we should order a car, savour the journey taking triple the time in comparison to the route which brought you to me’ because throwback to what she said earlier when shading Teddy lol, because fr, he’s the sort of bear that would give her a lift home even if it wasn’t a shameless ploy to spend more time together with slightly more chance of privacy, which we know it is, guiding her hand to his trouser pocket so she can get his phone out because why do it yourself when it’s saucier that way duh]

Ava: [opening your mouth to make a NOISE but staying silent and grinning at him with the energy you wanted to expend there ‘you can’t possibly be expected to take public transport twice in a day’ like this is FINE and your wife would approve tbh, staying looking for this phone for far longer than is necessary before eventually handing this phone to him like there you go, so helpful, resting your head on his shoulder]

James: [an amused smile of his own at her grin and what she said like mhmm so true bestie and his own lip bite obvs when she is taking her time looking for that phone cos dying about it, has never summoned a car quicker in his life I’m sure whilst on the other hand making no effort to move or move her yet, soz not soz gotta play with her hair very softly for a moment and give her big heart eyes]

Ava: [kissing along his neck to his ear but having to give him the softest lovebite just behind his ear when he bites his lip, it probably won’t leave a mark but right now there is and you’re not okay about it, pressing it slightly harder than you did it like !! doing a faintly shaky sigh too ‘there’ like there we go, that needed to be done]

James: [SQUEEZING her leg the way she did his hand earlier, definitely hard enough to leave a mark himself because he’s as !! about everything she’s doing and her sigh and how her voice must sound, not okay either and can’t decide if he wants this car to hurry the fuck up or if he never wants to leave this bench rn, both are true honestly]

Ava: [this leg grab making you arch yourself into him involuntarily, so you’re face to face again, LOOKING at him before you simply have to launch a full makeout attack because otherwise the sounds you are about to make will be too unhinged and you just gotta, putting both your hands back in his trouser pockets to do the most]

James: [thank god for the makeout cos you need to shh as well sir and there’s no chance you would otherwise with everything that’s occurring and how high your feelings are, she’ll be lucky not to be missing a button herself on her jacket, either that or have a broken zip depending what she’s rocking, because he is PULLING at it with feral levels of !! trying to get her closer to him and moving again and his hands into it to be able to touch her body more without fully undressing her in this park simultaneously]

Ava: [‘I want you’ as something you are incapable of keeping inside, the force of which those words strain out of your mouth as you’re trying to grit your teeth and ride through the feeling, the way we really don’t care right now and can’t be reasonable or sensible]

James: [‘I’m yours’ because he has yet to say it, it’s always that she’s his, and this is the perfect time to, once again everything coming together in that peak romance oh my watch has stopped kinda way for this to be the first time he does and for there to be the level of feeling behind it that there clearly is]

Ava: [will let your car turn up to stop you just fucking in this park because absolutely would now and we’re not thinking of any reason not to, despite the obvious ones, literally all we can think about and care about is that he just said that]

James: [agreed, y’all are welcome for that convenient yet very necessary timing because he totally would too and you don’t need to be caught doing that on this day, get your sleeping child and all the bags in the car sir even though you’re shamelessly LOOKING at her the entire time, doing the most LINGERING touches ever when he shamelessly helps this gal in as well even though she does not need help]

Ava: [you have enough time here to sober up into realising that wouldn’t have been a good idea, even if you still know you would make the same choice given another opportunity lol, soz not soz, am soz how long it takes to get your pushchair into a car seat and into this car though, not an easy task even though you should be pro by now ‘is she asleep for the night?’ almost mouthing this because gotta be quiet because it probably is that sort of o’clock by now, peeping at her like hope you stay asleep even though it won’t be our problem ‘cos just that sort of bear]

James: [I know you’re the sort of bear who’ll make it look easy even though it is very much not because you are well practised and your wife has literally never lifted a finger to help you at any point in her life so you’re essentially a single parent when it comes to tasks like this, giving her a smile back in response as a yes because baby Jay should be and you’d be glad about that even if you weren’t busy af in this moment for the looming holiday moments that have to come after, follow it up with a very relieved big breath when everyone is in this car and you’re all set because this is the most alone java have been and thank god, LOOKING at Ava again for what is a second but would feel like an age because the intensity of it]

Ava: [me worrying about the seating arrangements and whether there’s a baby between y’all or James/Ava has to be in the front but I’m sure you got one of those big cars/the kind that’s almost giving limo but is more a boujee minivan moment so Jay can be facing y’all but not cockblocking so aggressively like that lol, doing the inverse and taking a deep breath in you’re not letting out for again what would feel like forever]

James: [I love that you’ve thought about this long and hard boo, oh the perks of being rich because we simply cannot do a love actually child dressed as octopus moment and cockblock java THAT bad haha, imagine, but no, instead catch this boy taking her hand and holding it while they both dramatically breathe lol, silently asking her if she’s okay and if everything they both shamelessly wanna do in this car rn is]

Ava: [exactly what I was picturing lmao, not today, not when there’s a goodbye to be said without the need for the word, circling his palm the same way you did his cheeks earlier with your thumb, as if you’re doing the thinking you aren’t and don’t need to do before you lean further into him to kiss his cheek indecently yourself ‘it only becomes more true’ as a whisper because feelings have not changed from a hard yes to a no, of course]

James: [touching the lil lovebite she did behind his ear as she kisses his cheek because that’s the only thinking he needs to do about it too, nothing has changed for him either, hence undoing her seatbelt (because I imagine her putting it on automatically when she got in, as I do) and pulling her closer to him, initiating the kind of soft and romantic makeout sesh that the bench one couldn’t be, it goes without saying it’s as intense as that though in its own way]

Ava: [when your hands end up either side of his face so you can press on this lovebite again, though coincidentally, insistently because we would love to cover you in them for all the reasons, lowkey getting so comfortable/into it here you’re laying down on him]

James: [doing a GASP that turns into a soft and quiet NOISE the more she presses on that lovebite herself because not okay about it, taking off her jacket because he could not on that bench and the need to touch her more is as real, being !! and almost rough about getting under however many layers of clothes she has on rn on her top half in contrast to these deep af but still soft kisses because NEED to as well as your bodies also staying as close as they can possibly be, his hands running over every inch of her, memorising again how they do, but also pressing insistently against her skin himself in a mirror move he isn’t even aware of]

Ava: [TORN between trying to help him and enjoying the contrast here and thus letting him continue to be rough about it, getting distracted by the need to try and reach your bag to get a condom because going to need to initiate this hookup immediately, that’s for sure, obviously you can’t actually get in your bag though so this is just a losing battle]

James: [it doesn’t take a genius to work out what she is trying to reach for but cannot because you’re thinking the exact same thing so once again guide her toward your pocket, this time to reach for his wallet instead of his phone because they are always there and slightly easier to get hold of whilst continuing to be this extra]

Ava: [SQUEEZING his thighs, half as a thank you and half because you wanna ‘we can take it slow’ said into a makeout that is proving you absolutely cannot and we both know it]

James: [a noise of agreement like mhmm yep also into the makeout while he’s undressing the bottom half of this gal not at all slowly or casually and starting to touch her, stealing the thumb trick to use indecently on her here, soz not soz it’s gotta be done]

Ava: [when you’re trying SO hard to stay quiet that the only acceptable next step is putting this condom on with your mouth because you literally cannot, getting on your knees on the floor of this car like remember when because all the memories are necessary]

James: [STARING at her exactly like he did when she first did that, not even intentionally echoing it we’re just that !! again that we cannot look away, but reciting something to her because he could not get his words out that day to read anything we all remember but on this occasion he has gotta, I like to think it’s the last line he has written in his fancy notebook, as she’ll find out when she reads it all, because this is a goodbye but not really, it’s only a goodbye for now, a whisper not only because they gotta be quiet but also because his voice is hoarse]

Ava: [when you can’t help but keep LOOKING up at him with big eyes because you really do love listening to him and especially when it’s something he’s written, which just hits different to whenever it’s a quote from another author; trying to concentrate though because you wanna do this properly but also as hot as possible]

James: [aw how adorably blushy he will be from her looking at him like that and from saying something that feels the most finished of any of the stuff he’s told or read to her so far because it’s made it into the fancy notebook, love that for you sir]

Ava: [all the encouragement you need to be honest, out here forgetting that you’re meant to be hooking up because you’re just enjoying watching his reactions and only getting to make your own out of view of this driver/quiet in comparison to how you would]

James: [we love when anyone forgets a time limit or where they are, what a mood, especially for y’all rn as you’re gonna have to go the longest you have since you got together without seeing each other when that time limit hits, live your best lives, including this man once again pulling her hair and PRESSING on the neck lovebite he never leaves alone]

Ava: [not wasted time when you are SO about giving this boy pleasure and seeing him get to lose control, even if you must maintain some here, as much as you can get away with]

James: [he is eventually gonna have to drag her back to him though if only to avoid being LOUD and losing it more than y’all can get away with, I say as if a brazen hookup isn’t about to ensue here lol and clearly in a much more extra position than her just being vaguely subtle in his lap because there’s no chill to be found, he’ll be here throwing this girl onto the seat on her back with her legs raised so dramatically that she’s basically folded in half, nothing casual about any of it, her ankles are as close to her head and shoulders as possible, thank the lord for a privacy screen and a list of car sex positions calling this one the seashell haha]

Ava: [well that’s very appropriate, you sea witch, about that for you, entirely about how shameless it is because you so rarely get to be, at least for now, so have at it lads, lose yourself over it]

James: [he will be trying to run his mouth because feelings are too high, giving her in the moment poetry basically as per, but you’re both welcome that you’re gonna have to kiss so much to shh because I’m not dropping an ILY on this day]

Ava: [we all know y’all are being the most extra, we’re here saying everything but, just all the whispered sweet nothings right now]

James: [you both gotta do what you gotta do rn and we gotta let y’all, within reason, but the driver and sleeping baby Jay are both welcome that you’re somehow managing not to be screaming crying in this car and that it won’t last forever because of how worked up you already were]

Ava: [baby Jay gonna have to sleep through a lot, I’m sure, so you’re safe, we’re allowing that, just like we’re allowing you to both die here without anything stopping y’all, it’s the least we can do considering]

James: [mhmm, they need it and they need the recovery time snuggle he’ll be pulling her into immediately afterwards lying here on this car seat because don’t wanna be separated and it’s getting closer and realer]

Ava: [can’t even think about it because crying is not an option when he already feels bad enough going for all the reasons he doesn’t want to himself, so probably just here being quiet, holding him to us like someone is trying to snatch him right this second]

James: [tea, we all know he wants to cry himself too, for all the reasons, and that there’s so much he wants to tell her about how his entire fam not just his wife suck but cannot bring himself to because where to even start with that and what a miserable convo to have, so here sad as hell, trying to write on her like she’s a piece of paper and his fingertips are a pen but still not knowing what to say so it’s just a few half finished words she wouldn’t be able to decode before he gives up and is just holding her as tight as he can as well]

Ava: [it’s coming but definitely not one you can fit into the now as we sadly redress ourself because can’t get out of this car semi-naked, nor can you put this task off forever when you’ll be there before you know it]

James: [helping her in that effortless like a dad way, so lovingly, whether that’s doing a zip up or some buttons or straightening the clothes, whatever the vibes, just being soft and tender about it, same goes for her hair that he’s really messed up, gently smoothing it off her face and clothes and then tying it up for her because he can, he’s a girl dad (hate that phrase had to use it to make myself lol at the cringe because the vibes are sad atm) passing her the bag he packed for her so even if she doesn’t look in it yet she can hug that to her for the added comfort and reminder she has all that to look forward to]

Ava: [do hug this towards you and also bring your knees up to your chest, resting your head back on him and reaching to find his hand because you can’t verbalise anything right now but you need to be with him for every second you can steal here]

James: [hold her hand and do a lil kiss on her head when she rests it on you, using his other arm to pull her in even closer to him somehow and keeping it wrapped around her, whispering her name with all the feeling ever, savouring the fact he can still say it for now even if there is a massive tinge of sadness in his tone here]

Ava: [shaking your head, slowly so you cut down on some of the drama but you’re like I truly will cry, you can’t do this to me boy lol, hiding in his chest like nope]

James: [letting her hide there because he wouldn’t be able to deal with seeing her face rn, they are both too close to crying, saying ‘I wish I’d picked [insert a flower here that is seasonal and maybe grows in the park they were in]’ because what he’s saying is that if he had they could’ve used it as a countdown for when the flower blooms/she could’ve picked the petals/any of that kind of nonsense, saying this as if he was SUCH a fool not to think of it, despite how clearly distracted in all the ways he was]

Ava: [‘you will have given me a way to count the days’ quiet because of how you’re laying but he’ll be able to hear despite the small voice ‘I’d like to stop until you get back’ like you can just be frozen in space and time and not deal]

James: [‘yes, but’ not finishing his sentence because it doesn’t need to be said that nothing he has given her feels like enough for how big these feelings are rn, besides which he’s then distracted by how much he HATES the idea of her being frozen waiting for him when he feels like he was before he met her, waiting for his life to be less shit and what he loves most about her is how she’s brought him to life and we’re not trying to switch places/drag her down to that, SUCH a frown because cannot express all of this ‘oh’ as small but so no no its tone ‘I’d hate to think of you akin to my broken watch’]

Ava: [giving him a little squeeze, the pressure incomparable to what it usually is, ‘sorry’ still entirely sincere though because we’re trying so hard not to do this, to make it worse ‘I’ll try’]

James: [making a comforting sound to go with the touches he is doing like shh it’s okay ‘don’t be, darling’ as sincerely because gotta feel how we feel ‘you are trying, very hard, I know that, I feel that’ emphasis on the word feel, touching her chest like there]

Ava: [hugging him truly like a child now, sorry about that, digging our fingers into your arms now with a different but still intense as hell energy, the dad energy got to us ‘I’ll be good’ and we really mean it]

James: [we’re not soz, hug it out lads, a nod like I know you will be ‘of course, you’re my good girl’ the first time we’ve ever said my instead of a, because gotta in this moment]

Ava: [🥺 x a billion as we’re making some effort to actually look at you again because can’t not in this moment ‘what do you want?’ in a I will give you whatever you want energy]

James: [‘this’ because she is all he wants and it cannot and will not be overstated ‘you’ as if he needed to make it clearer because the 🥺 are forcing him lol]

Ava: [nodding even though your face is an inch from his right now and you could say it or just kiss him but you need to do the most with this movement and the way you can use it to brush your lips against his because so serious]

James: [me here like don’t you DARE say ILY rn because I nearly typed it then haha, instead brush your cheek against hers with identically slow almost tortuous energy, blowing away a strand of hair that has escaped his updo he did for her already with his !! breathing]

Ava: [my boo says shut your whore mouth, sir, your feels are so dangerously high lads, this is not a safe space rn lol, here fixing his hair with shaky hands because you can’t deal]

James: [honestly, I say not yet bitch it is simply too soon, you will wait goddamn it, not him taking her shaky hands and kissing them over and over like he can fix it, I’m fine]

Ava: [smiling at him, genuinely even if it’s one of those almost crying kind of smiles, shaking your head like you can pull yourself together, ‘when we get to mine, you should just let me go, let this be it’ because you are gonna have to RUN inside your house to not be sobbing on these streets and begging him not to go, you know it]

James: [holding her head so gently in both his hands for a sec, tucking that tricksy strand of hair behind her ear like oh you behave yourself, opening his mouth to disagree but knowing she’s right, a look over at his sleeping child like true because can’t just leave her in the car forever with an unknown man driving it while you scream and cry, reaching to similarly stroke baby Jay’s hair with all the love like okay yes, my mind is made up, that’s what we shall do]

Ava: [doing an even sadder smile because it is what needs to be done, doesn’t mean we’re happy about it]

James: [looking at her like but you aren’t home yet because true, before he’s kissing her again, trying to put all the emotions into it that they don’t know how to/we won’t let them verbalise]

Ava: [literally just passionately kiss until you get to her address because there is nothing else you can say or do lads]

James: [agreed, it’s the mood and it’s the moment, open her car door for her like an old fashioned gentleman when y’all do get there but you gotta just stand there and watch her go inside then you’re not allowed to follow however tempted you are to walk her to her door, those are the rules]

Ava: [sorry to not let you be a full gentleman but we really do have to run, no looking back allowed, praying you can avoid your parents and get to your room before you have your meltdown]

James: [baze like hello??! You sir you get back in the car and you be driven the short distance home, you’ve avoided it for as long as you can unfortunately]

Ava: [me like do I let you message him the minute you’re going through this bag or do I make you wait because you think that’s the right thing to do lol]

James: [I say wait because you’re trying to do the right thing, it feels real]

Ava: [okay, so this is giving the next day, we’ve had a night of being the drama, pining, the full nine yards, he should be there now and thus it’s ‘appropriate’ to check in]

Ava: Have you had chance to check out the spa facilities yet?

Ava: I’ve read [the letter that’s most appropriate for your emo mood], thank you

James: No, thank you for your continued prioritisation of my well-being, unfortunately, I regret to inform you, I haven’t

James: soon perhaps

James: I’m sorry you felt so [however is letter appropriate] last night

Ava: It’s the only appropriate way for me to feel, however comforting the jumper is, it can only give me so much

Ava: I can’t trust anyone else to prioritise it, I could book you in for treatment myself, I’ve checked their website

James: Jay made me read [the book Ava got her] to her [an insane number of times, idk I don’t have a child I read bedtime stories to], if that’s any consolation

Ava: I am pleased she likes it

Ava: sorry that I did not have enough time to get you a book that’s a bit more challenging though

James: Apologies aren’t necessary, it was a thoughtful gift and the reading of it reminds me of you

Ava: You’re the thoughtful one, I can only aim to be a lacklustre second

James: Your aim would have to be woefully off not to be first in everything, and it isn’t

Ava: That does remind me, are you the second or the third of your name?

James: The third, why?

Ava: I have to know what to call the bear, of course

James: I see

Ava: It would feel wrong to give him another name

James: I can’t argue with that, he was deliberately chosen in my image

Ava: I’ll cover his fuzzy ears if I call you cuter

James: You must, I insist

Ava: How is it, is it okay?

James: My sister didn’t come, which whilst it feels unjust to me personally, being given no such out, her absence will prevent numerous arguments

Ava: What excuse did she come up with?

James: Her husband-to-be has to work and she can’t possibly holiday without him, especially with us

Ava: Hmm, I do appreciate her sentiment

Ava: I’d love to have an excuse like that to hand

James: As do I, alas none of mine carry the same weight

Ava: Doesn’t your sister work for your dad too? I feel like Teddy has said so before now

James: Yes, she went to King’s before that as well, naturally

James: it’s all an enforced family affair

Ava: Wow, that’s all very… close

Ava: Is that how you feel, close to them?

James: My father’s approach to everything is too coercive to feel anything but contrived, be it a career path or what should be legitimate family ties, I’m afraid

James: I keep trying though, to form bonds in spite of him, or perchance to spite him

Ava: That’s clear, I would say you’re where you are now not just for your wife, by any means

James: Thank you

James: but enough about them, which letter are you in the mood to read currently?

Ava: [a happier one because getting to talk to you has made us feel slightly better is the vibe]

James: I’m relieved you’re feeling a little better too, I’ll admit my own mood has been transformed after hearing from you

Ava: I don’t wish to keep you, well, no, I absolutely do but if you have to go, at any point, feel entirely free to

Ava: I don’t know what the rules are here

James: I think the rules are ours to create

Ava: Isn’t that a nice thought

James: It’s a pleasant reminder that freedom does still exist

Ava: This is freedom, to be, textbook definition

Ava: no logic or rationale can be applied to how much I need you

James: It’s not a nice thought how scarce my opportunities are, and will be, to take care of that need for you

James: I’m sorry, I wish I was more available

Ava: Me too but I’ve always understood that you won’t be, so it’s okay

Ava: I don’t entirely hate the idea of being driven mad by the desire, really

James: No, there are worse things to be driven mad by, that’s a good point

Ava: Loneliness and boredom spring to mind, all too readily

James: Yes, they’re determined to be at the forefront

Ava: I’m going to trek to [another obscure bookshop, assumedly] today, on the authority of [the man at the bookshop you sent us to before you left], but that’s as busy as I can bear to be with anything that isn’t related to you and what you left me

James: [nerd out about that bookshop and any others that are nearby because you’re that sort of bear and it’s cute + a good way to show how easily you lose track of time when talking to this gal/don’t wanna be on this fam holiday]

Ava: [likewise join in and tell him how little you’ve read of the book he left for you because can’t concentrate yet for lovesick reasons]

James: [talk to her too about the chapter he read aloud to her because he would’ve sent her that last night/v early this morning as he does every night without fail even though they didn’t have a chance to talk or anything then and always wanna know what she thinks of it]

Ava: [have your little book club, try not to die too hard about how into it you are whenever he reads to you]

James: [it’s deserved while you can cos he’s gonna be killing himself trying to keep his child vaguely entertained on this not kid friendly hol]

Ava: [catch your father inevitably working from the bar/seeing if he can have his own extramarital affair as per, your mother and Chlo having all the spa treatments and Teddy trying to entertain himself any way he can as per, thanks guys lol, at least her parents are helpful]

James: [you’ve nailed it there boo, thank god for Chlo’s parents and the fact she can’t get as wasted as Teddy and his mum will because of being preggo, we take what silver linings we can get]

Ava: [unlucky slag, I’m sure you push your glass of wine to a very big glass undoubtedly but no one wants you fucking with this child so you will not be enabled to be worse than you are]

James: [you could get away with it when nobody knew and I’m sure you did hun but everyone is aware now, except Ava, soz girl]

Ava: [oh the unfortunate drama of it all, would you like to do someone else now, as we’ve got this vibe set?]

James: [I’m down to, lemme just have James leave the chat and then we can decide what we fancy doing]

James: Excuse me, but with the heaviest heart and sincerest apologies imaginable, I have to go

Ava: Ah, not at all

Ava: Perhaps I will get to speak to you tonight?

Ava: Good luck

James: I hope so

James: enjoy [the bookshop and the others he mentioned] until then

Ava: 💙

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