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#i feel isolated
theidlespoon · 2 years
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feminine urge this masculine urge that how about the mentally unhealthy urge to isolate myself from anyone who i ever been faintly vulnerable to.
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sulasnsleep · 10 months
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“and while everyone else is moving on, i remain standing in the same place—alone. isolated from everyone else in the world.”
— sulasnsleep
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Lol MW2 discord servers are insane. I left two of them recently because there were dozens of people talking at the same time in different tabs, all the time. It was like being in a loud cafeteria where you get bored of the discussion 5 min after sitting down at each table, but lunch never ends.
3/10 would not recommend
I NEVER go into voice channels on discord servers that have strangers. I only do it with either my friends that I’ve known for a while or in the discord server that I’m in that had a very select few of friends from another server
But yeah I bet that regular MW2 servers are a hell scape i think I’m just going insane from being in tumblr hell
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forever-reading · 7 months
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I feel like I have no friends to talk to right now 😔
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eberles · 2 years
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i love being alone but i hate feeling lonely ☹️
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septictanksam · 1 year
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I just want to feel special
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possibility-1nk · 1 year
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Why depression why
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positivelyadhd · 5 months
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reminder that making time for your friends, even when you're tried and socialising feels overwhelming is important to do every so often. it's especially important to do this actually.
time alone can be good, for a time, but humans are social creatures and we need to talk to people, there's nothing wrong with that!!
sometimes the more time you spend alone the more your brain will tell you to stay alone. that's not true, you're allowed to (and should!!) see people that are important to you. sometimes that alone can be surprisingly healing.
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inkskinned · 1 year
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you wanted to be a good friend, because you loved your friends, but the truth was that everyone else somehow had a pamphlet on being normal that you never received. most of the time you learn by trial-and-error. you are terrified of the next big mistake you make, because it seems like the rules are completely arbitrary.
you've learned to keep the prickly parts of your personality in a stormcloud under your bed - as if they're a second version of you; one that will make your friends hate you. it feels feral, burning, ugly.
instead, you have assembled habits based on the statistical likelihood of pleasing others. you're a good listener, which is to say - if you do speak up, you might end up saying the wrong thing and scaring off someone, but people tend to like someone-who-listens. or you've got no true desires or goals, because people like it when you're passive, mutable. you're "not easy to fluster" which is to say - your emotions are fundamentally uninteresting to others around you; so you've learned to control them to a degree that you can no longer really feel them happening.
you have long suspected something is wrong with you, but most of the time, googling doesn't help. you are so-used to helping-yourself, alone and with no handbook. the reek of your real self feels more like a horrible joke - you wake up, and, despite all your preparations, suddenly the whole house is full of smoke. the real you is someone waiting to ruin your other-life, the one where you're normal and happy. the real-self is unpredictable, angry.
your real self snarls when people infantilize the whole situation. because if you were really suffering, everyone seems to think you'd be completely unable to cope. but you already learned the rules, so you do know how to cope, and you have fucking been coping. it's not black-and-white. it's not that you are healed during the other times - it's just that you're able to fucking try. and honestly, whenever you show symptoms, it's a really fucking bad sign.
because the symptoms you have are ugly and unmanageable for others. your symptoms aren't waifish white girl things. they're annoying and complicated. they will be the subject of so many pretentious instagram reels. if they cared about you, they'd just show up on time. you care, a lot, so deeply it burns you. you like to picture a world where the comments read if they loved you, they'd never need glasses to see. but since that's a rule you've seen repeated - "one must never be late or you are a bad friend" - you constantly worry about being late and leave agonizingly early. there are no words for how you feel when you're still late; no matter how hard you were trying.
so you have to make up for it. you have to make up for that little horrible real you that you keep locked in a cabinet. you are bad at answering emails so every project you make has to be perfect. you are weird and sensitive so you have to learn to be funny and interesting. you are an inconvenience to others, so you become as smooth as possible, buffing out all the rough parts.
all this. all this. so people can pass their hands over you and just tell you just the once -how good you are. you're a good friend. you're loveable.
#spilled ink#woke up at 530 to write this lmafo#me in a cold sweat:#how do i be normal#edit in the tags:#hey so i've seen y'all talk about like ... wondering if ur ''allowed'' to relate#like if this is about X specific diagnosis#and when i first posted it i really almost labelled it ''please don't assume this is about a specific condition''#because as an artist i am often walking this line of discussing a symptom or discussing my conditions etc#and sometimes yes ! i do want to talk about an experience that is specific to who i am and my condition#but sometimes the effort of the post is about the EXPERIENCE rather than the diagnosis#because yes i am not neurotypical and as a result that influences my work but it is ALSO true that there are many reasons#why someone might experience this particular vague horrible feeling that you are... almost being CHASED by what you ''really'' are.#that you're outrunning your symptoms... that you're not really normal you're just sort of a mockery of a person#.... that's a really isolating and horrible way to feel no matter why you are feeling it. and the nature of this PARTICULAR post is that#it is inherently talking ABOUT that sense of isolation & of feeling not-deserving & of minimizing your own experiences to make urself#palatable for society in a way that others find easy-to-deal-with....#this post is about a certain experience such that my impression is there's a higher likelihood that those who relate#would have more difficulty thinking they ''deserve'' to relate - that it doesn't REALLY belong to them#bc often we are the kind of people who are SO used to being alienated and set aside and ''different'' that we AUTOMATICALLY assume#that things are not ''for'' us... they never have been why would it start now#we are the kinds of people to be ... ''too normal for X diagnosis but too symptomatic to be normal''#[or as this post points out... so good at ''coping''/masking/hiding it that we essentially conform to whatever shape we're poured into]#but i have witnessed others already say in the tags ''thought this was about me but it's about X so it can't be''#and im like ... of course it was about you.#art is not a resource that is diminished by greater appreciation .#you reflect in whatever mirror fits your frame. not just the ones in your bedroom. not just the ones i specifically give you.#there will be - and often are - times that i will talk about my specific conditions... but if you're reading this#regardless of why you're here... we are here together. holding hands through space and time. and i love you for carrying it#and i know you're exhausted. i am too. but i understand. and i see you.
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hel1anthus-annuus · 5 months
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Love this bitch for having multiple gender filters on. He’s transmasc, he’s a woman who’s a man, she’s nothing at all
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tapeworrmart · 24 days
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Lone Star 🌟
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radiantmists · 4 months
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so murderbot assumes that three offered its armor because it doesn't understand that the armor can belong to it and thinks mb taking the armor is just good resource allocation.
but if it assumes it doesnt have control over the armor, it would probably let whoever it sees as in charge (maybe ART?) handle it, or at least make the suggestion directly to that person. even newly freed in NE, it's willing to give its security advice (on hostage situations being undesirable) even if it doesn't expect to be taken seriously. it doesn't make sense to me that it would have so much trouble expressing the offer if it were just a security suggestion.
and then i think about how murderbot says later in the book that even if three felt fondly toward its fellow SecUnits, the govmod would prevent it from expressing that care or knowing it was returned.
so-- imagine you're three, and you havent yet internalized that you can just say "i care about you and dont want you to get hurt" to another SecUnit; but you can make sure that it has every resource it might need; you could probably do that even before the govmod was hacked.
you can't explain why, but you can hope that the gesture is explanation enough, and you can look for similar caretaking gestures in return; things like being given code and advice to do your job better, and being reassured when you express that you're finding said job difficult.
i think *murderbot* isn't aware of this language of care, because it hasnt had much opportunity to bond with other constructs. but three probably is, and probably knows how to read between the lines and guess that murderbot is starting to care about it, too.
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boxur · 4 months
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if you want HADES to be a story where the protagonist permakills their dad and runs away from home and stays angry forever? that's hades and chronos. that's the literal exact cycle of abuse and misery that zagreus is subverting by choosing to love his family in spite of hades' poor treatment of him, despite all the factors that exist that would make it so easy to just, not. if you want zagreus to stay angry forever and hate his family for wronging him and abandoning them permanently, you just want zagreus to be hades. and the whole entire point of the story is that zagreus isn't hades. he's better than him.
the tagline of the game is "there is no escape", but the turnout of that is not "so all your efforts are futile." it's "there's no escape, so learn to live anyway. you have no choice."
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blackpearlblast · 3 months
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honestly one of the things that's been wild for me to learn lately is that israel was responsible for enforcing the idea that the holocaust was an unparalleled genocide that stands apart from everything else that's happened in the course of human history. even before i understood well enough how deeply interconnected all genocides are, when i was a kid, i really fucking hated it. it felt so wrong to me for the holocaust to be The Genocide of human history. it felt disrespectful to other groups who had gone through genocide and it felt like weirdly dehumanizing and tokenizing to us. i didn't want to think of jews as The Group Who Went Through A Genocide, i wanted to see us how i was familiar with in our culture our holidays our art our singing our prayers. that's how i wanted other people to see us too! not that i was ashamed of what we had gone through but i just didn't want people's perception of us to just be that we were victims and i didn't want other peoples victimhood denied to them through that either. but yeah kind of wild to learn that israel and zionist rhetoric seems fairly responsible for this pet peeve of mine from childhood before i even really had a greater consciousness of solidarity or anything.
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sterekcraptrash · 11 months
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it’s that time of the year (sketch dump time)
stiles is talking nonsense and derek’s amused
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shivjoys · 1 year
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i was so caught up in the euphoria of logan roy dying that for a minute i lived in a world where shiv pregnancy arc didn't exist
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