#i feel like i haven't had pms for a few months?? so the fact its Ramped up like this rn feels rude

[dontwanderoff]

my pms is being such a cunt like i am doing something fun tonight and i Know i will have fun but im SO anxious about the entire evening like dudeeeeeeee

[palmofafreezinghand]

For Fanfic Writers' Ask: #7, #32, #35 and with that intriguing tag, #42 if no one else has also asked you about it! Seeing as you forced me to think about it and it turned out I had an answer however much I do not like the answer...

Thank you, @gisellelx !

Is there a character or ship you'd love to write for, but haven't yet? 

Renesmee. I’ve written her in the background of things but I really want to attempt to write her with more of a voice and discernible personality. I also really want to write about Emmett, but I have yet to find a plot or character question that feels right. I think he’s so fascinating and will probably be a fun challenge to write. 

And I’ve written for them before but I really want to write more of Rosalie and Esme’s dynamic. It's one of the more difficult ones for me but that’s what makes it fun. 

What's a fic you'd love to write, but probably never will? 

I think human!vampire alternate universes can be very fun to read and I have outlined a handful of scenes — most an attempt to see how far I can push Carlisle’s selfishness — and rough storylines but I doubt I will ever finish a whole story. 

There’s one specific plot outline I think of often of a 1927 alternate universe where Edward still leaves, I have yet to figure out the inciting incident or how to get him to leave, Carlisle accidentally runs into a human Esme (who’s son survived in 1921) in a small town he was passing through while wandering aimlessly. She’s going by a different name, as is he, his curiosity is piqued, he knows better than to stay after she recognized him and yet, he’s mad, grieving, impulsive, and slightly curious and in turn makes a very stupid decision. He’s already a “selfish monster” right, what’s the harm?  There’s so many hurdles and character choices that would have to be done just right to make the whole situation even slightly plausible that I doubt I will ever write it but I think about it a lot. 

What's your fic with the saddest ending? 

I think Sarah Bee has the saddest ending, although Oh Bill, I love you so… gives it a run for its money. 

Bride of Cullen gets an honorable mention. 

How do you get over writer's block? 

Anyone waiting on for appearances’ sake (last updated September 10, 2022) or a language of our own (last updated June 28, 2022) would argue I do not. 

In all seriousness I am starting to become fine with letting stories collect dust. I used to feel guilty but the fact I spent last month finishing up ideas I first jotted down two years ago is forcing me to begrudgingly come around to the idea that my interest in this series and fanfiction as a whole may ebb and flow but is not disappearing anytime soon. I do, however, now refuse to post anything incomplete on ao3. 

A few things (I think) help me get over writer’s block: 

I do really well with deadlines, this is probably because I’m only a few months removed from the cycle of writing thousands of words hours before 11:59 PM  that was college, but deadlines still work for me. I hadn’t written more than a few thousand words, which took weeks, from August to November, and then in November I wrote 30,000 because I had a self-imposed deadline of writing that many that month. Twilight Advent for example has forced me to finish two stories I was completely stuck on for years in a manner of hours the evening before they were slated to be posted. 

If I have not written in a while and I think of something for a current WIP, I do not allow myself to resume writing in the document. I can make notes but if I want to add to an already written section I have to retype it, which usually forces me into seeing a flaw I didn’t previously notice and makes me feel like I’ve written more new words than I have and encourages me to keep going. Sometimes I’ll retype a story even if I don’t have any ideas on how to better the draft or have any desire to write and it’ll force some words loose. 

I reread past stories. I have this bad habit of dropping references to things I believe have happened to these characters in the past without having a corresponding story written. Sometimes reminding myself of those little references will force my mind into thinking of another plot. 

Accepting I’m not writing (for fun) for a while and diving into other hobbies instead.  I can only crochet, cross stitch, hike, quilt, etc. so much before I think of some snippet of dialogue I must write down. Sometimes it takes a few months but I figure if that happens the break is needed.

But I think the biggest thing for me is ironically disconnecting from fandom. I’m unsure if this is simply a social media killing our brains kind of thing or I can’t write well if I’m thinking about dozens of other people’s thoughts on these characters and plot lines, but I seem to finally sit down and write when I’ve been logged out of Tumblr and ao3 for a little bit. 

ask a writing question!

[abcdosaka]

the life update 2.0

the unformatted stream of consciousness edition

i started working on monday. it's alright, been connecting with ppl, not being overly shy but i'm still adjusting to actually working 8 hours straight bc i've been doing legit nothing for 5 months straight. the people at my workplace are nice enough especially the ladies like there's one who i was lowkey scared of bc she kinda has a rbf and just looks so girlboss and professional but i messaged her and we talked and she's actually really nice :) anyway i've had enough work experience being the new guy and onboarding online that i'm not as scared as i would've been + i already know people at this company so i can kinda show my worth from the start

i got my period on friday and i was fucked up yesterday and today from cramps/headache so i got barely anything done so i need to do some work tmr cry T_T i need to remember work is not school i can't just procrastinate everything and i should actually work during and only during work hours. i give myself a pass though bc friday was just awful. also i was supposed to learn python before i started working but i didn't but idk feel like i can wing it there. i already know r and i learned java in highschool so it might actually be a breeze not to toot my own horn but i'm like pretty smart so

it feels like my pms (except its not really pre- more like first/second day of period) symptoms are getting worse the older i get. sometimes the symptoms are okay but more of them are just awful than not. i get really nasty headaches and intense fatigue for one, really bad cramps, joint pain and lower back pain, sometimes my boobs swell up and are really tender (compared to the normal level of tender), i'm either very irritable or sad, i feel like i can't eat and i'm bloated or gassy, i'm like constipated but i also need to shit all the time. like i cannot focus with these conditions. i couldn't this week bc its legit my first week lmao but i might start taking sick days for really bad periods. also maybe bc i took a walk before i started work but my allergies were REALLY bad all day

idk if it's my body aging (which is crazy bc i'm not even 23) or if it's bc i don't exercise as much as i should but idk i still do, like yes i do sit on my ass a LOT but i use the exercise bike a couple times a week and i lift a little bit (not as much as i used to). i haven't been able to go swimming in a while bc i think i had a uti (i didn't bother going to the doctor bc i've gotten 2 in like the last year and i hate taking antibiotics so i was like man lets just wait this out) and now i'm on my period. but other than that i swim pretty frequently.

the only issue w me is i'm a homebody but thats just bc i have almost no friends in my city lmao. esp since n has moved. (i kinda wanna call her but idk our in person chats are always so much better than calls like slight tangent but i can never hear her on the phone lmao)

honestly not mad at it like. did we only talk to each other out of circumstance? i think it's just a fact of life that most of our friends are borne from necessity at work school etc but once that ends only a few of them, maybe 1 or 2, will really stick around. but still like most ppl from uni i just don't think i'll ever talk to again and i wonder if that should matter to me or not. ngl sometimes the loneliness hits me but i don't think i've really lost my social skills in fact i think i've gotten a lot better compared to this time last year like sept 2022 - april 2023 was just a downward spiral for my social skills everything was so hard and my anxiety was prob the worst it had ever been and i wasn't very forgiving of myself. maybe bc i spend a lot of time at home but also i just don't really have a hard time talking to randos on games or in shops or whatever now. idk maybe i give less of a shit now or maybe my solitude is making my ego rise like it tends to.

i heard that was a thing, like if you spend too much time alone your sense of self becomes insanely inflated or deflated there is no middle ground. kinda facts like people are weird

but anyways i feel, for the most part, pretty chill these days. i think i could stand up for myself better now vs in the past. i texted sp again to say like "we should make plans" but i set up the last plan and like i drove her home last time too and we met at this kinda lame plaza bc she had an errand nearby so if she doesn't start the convo this time then i legit can't be arsed like i'll never talk to her again bc i'm gonna return the same effort i get. in fairness she told me that work is really exhausting for her and her commute is ridiculous like she lives by fucking farmland and has to take public transit everywhere bc she doesn't have a car. but we've never been close and i don't think our sense of humour or what we're interested in is all that similar so i get why she's not feelin it honestly me neither. no hard feelings but i will drop her tho.

holy shit this post is loooonggg. i'm not even done writing about shit but i think thats it for the life stuff so i'll make a new one

[thehappilyeverafter]

6/26/23 Cold War: Part 2

Background

A couple months ago, I entered another cold war (perhaps inappropriately named) with mama. This post attempts to document the context, e.g. my justification, for posteriority; I find that I'm not actually able to remember quite why the first one occurred years ago. I only remember the arguing loudly with her and strong feelings of frustration in Portland, after an already infuriating conversation with my dad.

What Happened

My mom cracked her phone a few months ago in early April 2023. She ended up going to the Apple store to get it repaired on April 7. She called me twice around 12:12 pm because the Apple employee needs access to the iPhone/her Apple ID account. However, I don't pick up because I'm napping.

I call her back when I do see the two missed called at 1:20 pm. However, this call goes straight to voicemail. I text her "Sorry I had a meeting" to excuse my missed calls. But I'm not too worried about her situation. I received emails that her Apple ID password is reset, so I surmise that the employee was able to resolve the issue and that the phone is likely under repair at the moment. I also received an email containing information about the repair appointment and estimated pick up time of 2:15 pm. Consequently, I decide that everything is fine and I will just call her afterward to apologize for missing her calls.

I call her at 4:10 pm and received no answer. I called her again at 6:55 pm and still no answer. I call her the next day on April 8, Saturday at 5:08 pm and still no answer. I believe I also asked my sister to try calling her and that that was unsuccessful as well. I call her again on April 9 at 3:18 pm and still no answer. Finally, I text her at 3:19 pm asking her if she's receiving my calls but receive no response. I suspect she is intentionally ignoring me, but I want to be absolutely certain before instigating an argument. I ask Uncle Kenny to call her to confirm she's OK. He gets back to me indicating that he was able to successfully call her and talk to her and that she's fine. I have my confirmation.

Finally, at 9:52 pm on Sunday April 9, she texts me "Call me". I call her at 10:12 pm and we have a 10 minute argument. It turns out that my suspicions were correct; she has been intentionally ignoring my calls as some form of retribution for me missing her two calls on Friday. During the phone call, I had the impression she was ready to move on (after all, she did ignore me for 2 days), but I wasn't. I told her that missing two phone calls did not justify her behavior toward me and that I wanted an apology. She didn't understand that I had been privy to the repair information via emails e.g. it's success despite my inaction and its specific times. She did not understand why I was so upset or why I felt that she was wrong and that I deserved an apology. Ultimately, I told her I wasn't going home that Friday April 14 as originally planned. She said "Fine!". And we hung up.

Fallout

We haven't talked since that phone call on April 9. It's been around 2 and half months since. My dad texted me recently (while I was flying back from NYC for AddeConf) on June 23 about how my sister and I shouldn't mistreat/ignore my mom and that we're all she has. And I understand that. But I texted back "It's her choice. She never called me".

The intentional rejection of my phone calls as retribution for the accidental rejection of her phone calls is childish and abusive. I was worried the whole weekend and considered the possibility that something had happened to her. And I'm not being malicious or difficult in my reaction. I simply ask for an apology. And she can't even be bothered to provide that. Despite her devotion to raising me and my sister, I won't tolerate disrespect, even from her. Rather than lift us up and inspire us as a parent, she chooses to play these psychologically manipulative, exhausting games.

Additionally, the fact that this is the second cold war fuels my resolution to continue this standoff. It has soured my opinion of my mom and what I think our relationship. She clearly is immature, stubborn, and short-sighted. There are also clear limitations to her compassion/love if she is willing to ignore me and enter into cold wars so easily rather simply reflect apologize.

I do feel guilty when I reflect on how my mom is living her life without her children visiting as often. However, as I told my dad, it's her choice and she can resolve things easily. For now, I will continue forward on this path.

[watermelonlovershigh]

You Have Severe Period Cramps & Harry Comforts You

This was requested by this ASK. Also a few others requested this so thank you to them as well for helping me choose a one shot idea.

AN- sorry if it isn't that good. me personally, i don't get bad cramps except maybe once a year and the rest of the months are mild cramps. so that's why i made the reader rarely have cramps. so basically in my 8 years of having a period, i've never had severe period cramps so it was hard to write this from personal experience. if it isn't that accurate, that's why.

Things to help you understand this better:

(Boyfriend/girlfriend/Any Harry era of your choice/You don't live with Harry but stay over a lot)

Its 4 in the morning and I'm woken up with terrible cramps in my stomach. It takes me a few minutes to realize the cause of my pain and as soon as it clicks in my brain, I jump up from the bed and make a dash to the bathroom, praying I haven't leaked on Harry's sheets.

When I get to the bathroom, I run to the toilet and pull down my panties. I didn't sleep in pants because of the intimate events that took place between me and Harry before bed last night. Once sat on the toilet, I look down at my underwear and see a tiny red stain. Thank God I didn't leak anymore than that or I would have embarrassed myself.

I use the toilet and clean up properly. Then I grab a tampon from the box Harry keeps under his bathroom sink for me and push it in. As I'm putting the tampon in me, I notice the cramps are getting worse. 'Fuck!' I internally scream. Why did I have to have cramps this month?

My period history- (My periods are always regular and come each month of the year. But my symptoms are very irregular. Some months I PMS and some months I don't at all. Some months I have horrible period cramps and some months I barely notice them.)

Harry doesn't know just how bad they get due to the fact we have only been together for 8 months and I haven't really gotten cramps since before our relationship started. Before we started dating we were friends but I never discussed my period problems with him in our friendship. Now that we are girlfriend/boyfriend, he knows about my period and when it comes. He always keeps pads and tampons located in his bathroom for me which I'm grateful for. But period cramps are new to him when it comes to me specifically.

I make my way back to Harry's bed and cuddle up to his warm sleeping body. I close my eyes and attempt to fall back asleep but my cramps are making it almost impossible. These may be the worst cramps I've ever had. It's like someone has a bladed spoon and is scraping my uterine lining out. I can feel tears start to form in my eyes and I'm afraid I'll wake Harry up. So I turn my body opposite of his and lay in the fetal position. My knees are brought to my chest and my arms are wrapped around my legs with my head tucked between. Now my tears run freely.

When I subconsciously let out a whimper, Harry wakes up and turns to me. He can't see much due to the rooms darkness but the little light coming from the street lights gives him just enough sight to see me basically balled up and crying. Sitting up and scooting closer to me, Harry worriedly asks in a deep morning voice, "My love, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" I can't even answer at this point from the amount of pain I'm in. I just point to my stomach. "Is it your stomach? Your stomach is hurting?" he questions again, needing to know I'm alright.

"No, period. Cramps." I whisper through tears.

"Ohh," he says, "I'm sorry. What can I do? Do you need anything?" Harry speaks back while coming even closer to my body.

I'm not even sure what I want in this moment honestly. I haven't had cramps in so long I've forgotten how to handle them. So the only thing I can think of in this moment is, "Just hold me."

"Yeah, I'll hold you darling." He replies sweetly. He carefully turns my body around and pulls me over so I'm cuddled to his side. Then with my face on his shoulder and my arms around his neck, Harry rubs one hand on my back soothingly and one hand slips down to my stomach. He rubs lightly pressured circles on my lower stomach and questions, "This alright?" I just nod my head while letting silent tears fall from my eyes and drip down the crease of Harry's neck. He doesn't care about his skin getting damp from my salty tears. He cares that I'm in so much pain that I'm crying. He hates seeing me cry.

"They hurt so bad!" I moan out in pain a few minutes later.

"I'm sorry. You must not get period cramps often? Unless you put up with this every month and are good at hiding it!" Harry coos quietly.

My tears have slowly dissipated and my words come out more clearly. "I don't get cramps with every period. Mostly every few months. But when I do get them, they are really bad."

Harry hates knowing I'm suffering and wishes he could take my pain away. "I know all about period cramps. Well not having them myself but Gemma use to have them bad when we were teenagers. I remember mum having to pick her up from school because she'd be in so much pain. Or her cramps would become so bad that she would feel sick from them. I have so much sympathy for women who go through painful periods. You guys are so strong." His low, deep voice has made me relax somewhat and sleepy, so my eyes droop closed and I fall back to sleep.

It's now about 8 am and Harry has woken up, just scrolling through feed on his phone. He hasn't got up yet because he didn't want to move my sleeping body. To him I just looked so comfy snuggled into his side and I look to be in minimal pain. What he doesn't know is that I'm still in a lot of pain actually. They eased up a bit when I fell asleep but came back full force 30 minutes ago and I've been pretending I'm asleep. Pretending and trying to ignore nausea stirring in my belly. Even on the days my cramps are the worst, I hardly ever get nauseous from them. Though  I have had that symptom in the past so I know it's from my period cramps and not from a stomach bug arising.

With my eyes still closed, I can feel Harry start to move which is not great for my swirling and cramping stomach. So barley opening my mouth I whisper, "Don't move please. I feel sick. Don't want to throw up on you."

Harry is startled by my awakeness. He puts his phone face down on the bedding and looks down at me on his chest. "Do you want me to get you a bucket incase you actually puke or do you think you're okay?" Harry questions me in a low whisper.

With my eyes screwed shut, I mumble out, "I don't know. I need to probably change my tampon but I feel too sick to move."

Harry thinks for a second and comes up with a slight solution. "What if I get you the heating pad to lay on your tummy and I'll get you some pain medicine to take. And if you accidently leak on the bed, I won't be mad. I'll help you clean up alright?! Hopefully the heating pad will calm your nausea enough to allow you to use the toilet."

I just barley nod my head and Harry slowly slips from underneath me and gets out of bed to get the heating pad, bucket, and medicine. I stay as still as possible while he's gone. A few minutes later Harry returns with all the items. He plugs the heating pad up and places it on my cramping stomach, then lays back beside me. After about 10 minutes of the heat on my tummy, my cramps have reduced enough where I don't feel nauseous anymore. So Harry helps me sit up and I take the pain medicine, feeling more confident it will stay down unlike moments ago when I felt I'd just throw them up. Then Harry helps me out of bed and walks me to the toilet to switch my tampons out. He steps out to give me my privacy and when I'm finished, he comes back in and says he's going to run me a warm bath to make me feel better.

Harry runs me soothing bath and helps me discard my clothes. He doesn't attempt to get in with me knowing I'd want to bath alone because of my period. But he does sit in there with me to keep me company, kneeling by the tub. Harry also massages shampoo into my hair and uses the shower head to rise it out. I request to wash my own body and he respects that. So while I'm washing my body, he puts my towel in the drier and warms it up for me.

After my white fluffy towel is nice and warm, Harry comes back to the bathroom and gives me the towel to dry off with. Once I'm in a fresh pair of pjs, Harry leads me to the movie room down stairs. We cuddle under a thick warm blanket and watch movies for the rest of the day. My period cramps left by nightfall and thankfully never returned again this period.

MASTERLIST & My Favorite Harry Styles Fics MASTERLIST

[loostssoul]

if you kissed me - Rodrick Heffley | 1.9k

Yeah yeah i know i haven't written since a million years ago. and yeah yeah i know this is my first real fanfiction i posted on tumblr. fair warning, i'm not the best writer, i honestly just do this for fun and i'm totally up to criticism because i do want to make my writing better. if this is literally inaccurate, im sorry its been like 5 years since i've read the books. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this fluff-fest that I created in the span of a few hours.

paring: rodrick x reader genre: fluff. lots of fluff

Credits to the maker of the picture! 15 Days till the Contest | 9:42 PM, Saturday

Plick, plick, plick

My speakers were blasting so loud I almost didn’t hear the sound of pebbles hitting my window.

Plick, plick, plick

I rubbed my eyes and slammed my laptop shut, walking toward my bedroom window. Peering down, I saw a figure a few yards down from my second-story bedroom, looking back up at me. Dark brown, messy hair that stuck up around his face. A red and black flannel, black ripped jeans, and, (of course) a tee-shirt with “Loded Diper” clumsily written on it. A grin spread on his face as he saw my face come into his view, causing me to blush. Rodrick Heffley, Crossland High bad boy, and my boyfriend.

I unlocked the latch to my window and stuck my head out, taking in the cool air and letting the neighbors enjoy the music I was playing (they never did). I looked down.

“Y/N!” He whisper-yelled

“Evening, Heffley.”

“I need to tell you something!”

“What’s so important that you have to scratch my window instead of using the power of modern technology to call me?”

His mouth opened to give me a response, but nothing came out. I smirked, “Come on up.”

I opened the window wider as he climbed the trellis that lined the back of my house. I backed up to my door and locked it. Precautions, my parents liked Rodrick but they definitely wouldn’t approve of him in my room at night. I looked back and I saw him, every feature of him illuminated by the light of my room. His cheeky smile and chocolate brown eyes. He slowly closed the window and walked toward me, brushing a strand of hair out of my face. I still got butterflies whenever he touched me.

“Hey, Spiderman. What did ya climb in here to tell me?” I asked

“I got Loded Diper into a contest.”

My eyes widened, Loded Diper, my boyfriend’s rock band, wasn’t exactly known for being the best. It was mostly known for his mom’s insane dance moves during the Plainview Talent Show. But of course, i'll never say that in front of his face.

“You did?! That’s awesome Rodrick!”

“Yeah! It's a battle of the bands contest, we’re going against two other bands. I really think this is gonna be our big break!” His eyes sparkled in excitement.

His happiness was contagious, he was like a goddamn puppy. I pulled him into my arms. “I’m proud of you Rod.” I muttered and smiled into his collarbone. I felt him inhale the scent of my hair and twirl my locks around his fingers.

“Hey,” he said, breaking the hug. “I’m having practice tomorrow with the band, you wanna come?”

“Sure. I go to every practice anyway, why miss out on this one?” I shrugged.

He chuckled and looked at me. Really looked at me. That’s one of the reasons why I fell for him. It never seemed like it, but he paid attention. We’ve only been dating for 4 months, but he knew me like no one else did, and I knew that in the way he looked at me. I felt his hand cup my face, his thumb rubbing my cheek in small circles. I looked up at him, noticing how tall he was, how close he was. Was I the one who leaned in? Was he the one who leaned in? Did we just do it subconsciously? Did he want this? Was he ready? Was I ready?

The ringing of Rodrick’s phone filled the room. The daze we were trapped in was gone and we separated, our faces red. Rodrick picked up the phone, it was his mom.

“Yeah, mom? Mom...I’m in the middle of something. I’ll do laundry later, ok? Now? C’mon… Alright, fine. Bye.” He hung up. “Sorry, I gotta blast.”

“It’s fine, I’ll see you tomorrow?” I asked him as he started toward my window.

He looked back at me and planted a kiss on my forehead, the farthest we’ve ever gone with physical touch as a couple.

“Tomorrow”

~~✰✰✰~~

14 Days till the Contest | 1:22 PM, Saturday afternoon

“Should we take it from the top?”

Practice wasn’t going so well. I could feel the nervousness, the tension. Drums were slightly off beat, the guitarist’s fingers would fly to the wrong places on the fretboard, lyrics would go all over the place. The contest was two weeks away, and Loded Diper was already feeling the anxiousness. I sat on the floor of the garage, on top of a picnic blanket I found. To Rodrick’s dismay, his mom forced him to let Greg watch band practice, as a form of “brother-to-brother bonding time.” Greg sat next to me, mockingly covering his ears.

“Oh thank god, it's done.” Greg said with an immense amount of sarcasm and uncovering his ears.

Rodrick threw a crumpled-up piece of paper at his head, “Shut up.”

“Both of you, be nice.” I laughed. “I think you guys should take a break for a while, maybe shake off the nerves.”

“Good idea Y/N, 20 minute break everyone!” The lead singer said. Everyone spread out, grabbing a piece of pizza ordered earlier and laying down. Greg ran out of the garage, yelling, “I’m free!”

Rodrick stood up and began gulping down a bottle of water. He wore a black tanktop and black ripped jeans, sweat dripping down his forehead. I ran up behind him and wrapped my arms around his torso. He turned and faced me, running his hands through my hair, lost in thought.

“You ok, Rod?” I asked him.

He sighed, “nerves”

I leaned my head on his chest, “You’re gonna do great, you’ve done so many gigs in the past. Think of this as one of those!”

He smiled at me, “You know what would make me feel a lot less nervous?”

“Oh god. What?”

A really common thing Rodrick did was try to bargain a kiss on the lips from me. It's been an ongoing joke, a meaningless bit he did all the time. I’ll do my homework if you kissed me on the lips. I’ll smile in the picture if you kissed me on the lips. It still hasn’t worked.

“I might be less nervous if you kissed me on the lips.” He whispered to me.

I rolled my eyes, “If that’s what it takes then I think you’ll lose the competition.”

He let go of me and laughed, my favorite laugh. “Worth a try.” He shrugged, going off to join his bandmates and the pizza. But as I watched him smile and laugh with his friends, I lost myself. I thought about the previous night. The way we fit into each other, the closeness, the fact that was so close that I could see my reflection in his eyes.

Maybe I should just say yes.

~~✰✰✰~~

The Day of the Contest

For the past 2 weeks, Rodrick has given me the “kiss-bargain” joke 9 times. Every time, I deflected it with sarcastic remarks, and every time I regretted not agreeing.

I sat on the front steps of my porch, waiting for Rodrick to pick me up. I regretted the jean shorts and plain black tee-shirt I had on, as a cold breeze brushed my skin. I pulled my black leather jacket on, which I painted “Loded Diper” on the back in white paint. Then, I heard it. The echo of heavy metal turned to full blast, and… the faint sound of something big getting knocked over. Oh god, they’re here. The white van with “Loded Diper” written in huge words screeched to a halt in front of my house.

The window rolled down, revealing my boyfriend and his excited grin. “Get in.”

~~✰✰✰~~

30 minutes till Loded Diper preforms

It felt surreal to be backstage, and really exciting. Energy was flowing through the room, as all the other bands talked and played. The rest of the band members seemed excited, full of adrenaline. Except for Rodrick, he’s been nervous ever since soundcheck. His leg was bouncing,he twirled his drumsticks around, drumming them on random objects, and his eyes stared into nothing.

“Rodrick, you want me to do your eyeliner?”

“Huh?” He didn’t take his eyes away from the ground, his voice seemed far away.

I lifted a liquid eyeliner pen I had in my pocket, “Eyeliner. I just did mine, we can match!”

He lifted his head and noticed me. I had my eyeliner smudged, just like he always does during a gig. He grinned, “Yeah. Yeah sure.”

I’ve done his eyeliner many times in the past, and I loved doing it because I had to be as close to him as possible. So I hopped onto his lap, pressing myself close to him, trying to comfort him with my warmth.

“Close your eyes.” I ordered.

As I applied his eyeliner, I could feel his heartbeat against my chest. It was heavy, and fast. I’m pretty sure I would still hear it if I wasn’t as close to him as I was, even though the loud music blasting through the theatre.

“Done”

He opened his eyes, and butterflies flooded my stomach. We were close. Very close. Should I do it? Should I lean in?

Rodrick probably sensed my flustered-ness. He smirked, “Cat got your tongue?”

I rolled my eyes, blushing hard. “Shut up.” I said, playfully punching him.

~~✰✰✰~~

“5 Minutes until Loded Diper performs!” A man exclaimed to us.

Rodrick was as nervous as ever. We’ve been standing on the left wing of the stage, watching the other bands play. It felt like a bunch of Loded Diper copy-pastes. A bunch of high schoolers, weird names, very aggressive playing. But they were still pretty good. Rodrick was biting the nails of one of his hands and tapping his other hand on the wall behind him. I looked up at him and held his hand, stopping it from fidgeting. He smiled nervously.

Now or never Y/N…

“Hey, you said that if I kiss you, you won’t be as nervous. Right?”

He looked at me, wide eyed. He seemed to be trying to compute what I said.

I stood on tiptoe and put his face in my hands. It was that night all over again. Every detail of his face, of him was in full view. His eyes, his eyeliner, his scent, his lips. I leaned in.

His lips were soft against mine, but they were tense, flustered. I was terrified, It was the wrong place, the wrong time. Until I felt one hand in my hair, another on my waist, pulling me closer.

How long was the kiss? A few seconds? It felt like minutes, hours. Sparked ignited. Butterflies flew in my stomach. His scent was the only thing I smelled, his warmth was the only thing I felt. The music faded away. Everything faded away. It was just him and I. Until we broke apart, taking in deep breaths of each other. We wanted more, but Loded Diper was playing in a few seconds.

“Hey, Rodrick.”

“Yeah?”

“If you win I’ll kiss you again”

We both knew I would kiss him regardless.

I didn't edit this because editing is for wimps (just kidding be responsible and edit your work)

please like and reblog because it gives me serotonin and i need that

[straightouttaneptune]

Partner

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Warning: FLOOF, everyone except Tasha and Y/N is stupid, swearing, guns, fighting, that’s it bb!

Summary: Natasha is assigned a mission with an Agent she doesn’t know. So, she ends up dragging a civilian who she assumes is her partner into a highly-violent mission.

A/N: AHHHHH EVERYONE ITS MY FIRST FIC IN MONTHS IM BACK THANK YOU ALL FOR THE LOVE AND THE PATIENCE!!

—————————————————————

Y/N Y/L/N. You were just another citizen of the planet earth, not an inhuman, not an assassin, not a super, not a mutant and certainly not an Avenger. You grew up in an everyday household, went to school, had decent grades, led a good career, and overall life. 

So... how did you get here right now? To know this, we have to rewind time, to around a month ago.

-11:00 am, SHIELD office 09

"Agent Romanoff, sorry to do this to you." Nick Fury looked over at Natasha apologetically, while she herself remained stoic. "But you know that the rest of your teammates can be... unpredictable." To this, she let out a small chuckle.

"It's not a big deal, I know they can be dramatic." She slid the file on the table, opening it to examine the details of the mission. "Wait, this is a doubles mission?" The surprise was evident in her voice, as she assumed that this would be a one-woman job.

"She's a beginner agent. Don't worry, she's just there for support." Fury stated casually as if he didn't leave out one of the most relevant information. 

"Right, okay, can I meet her?"

"No. She's out at the moment."

"How do you expect me to work with someone I've never met?" Natasha inquired, confused beyond words.

"There's a description! And everything!" Fury defended himself, pointing at the file she held in her hands. At that moment, Natasha could see why he was the leader of the Avengers. Sighing in defeat, she retreated back to the training area.

Y/H/C hair, Y/E/C eyes, around her age, pretty, it probably wouldn't be hard to find this partner. And just like that, her mind wandered away from the mission, to her training regime for the day.

-5:00 pm, Y/N's apartment

"C'mon, Y/N! It'll be so fun, I'm telling you!" Your old uni friend pleaded over the phone, while you balanced the pros and cons of going out tonight.

"Mm, I don't know... I mean, I was going to have a Star Wars marathon." You pouted, glancing at your TV wantingly. Oh, what you'd give to cuddle up with a tub of ice cream tonight.

"Y/N, come on. You can't just couch potato every day." You ran out of excuses to give, reluctantly agreeing to her offer.

"God, I haven't been to a club in forever." You rummaged through your closet, only finding office clothes and comfy hoodies. In the very back, though, you knew that there was a little skimpy dress you used to wear back when you were in university. "... Fuck it. It's just one night."

You closed the door to your apartment with your heart hammering in your chest. You hadn't dressed like this in what felt like forever, you almost forgot how good you looked. Whatever happens, you had your trusty taser gun hidden in your thigh-high boots.

Feeling like an utter and complete boss b*tch, you entered the booming club with your friends in tow. "Y/N! I knew you still had it in ya." You rolled your eyes at one of your friends' comments, but your heart secretly swelled at her words. 

The start of the night was amusing, but as time flew by, your buddies were swooped away by unknown guys and girls, leaving you to drink all alone by the bar. Of course, it wasn't like you didn’t have dance requests and numbers asked, but none of them really interested you.

Natasha had arrived at the club a little later than you did, clad in a spy-dress and spy-shoes with various weapons hidden underneath, inside, wherever there was space. The infamous Strucker was reported to be here in this club tonight, but first, she needed to find her associate.

It wasn't hard to find you, as she assumed that an Agent would be somewhere that was easy to see, unlike the dance floor. So the bar. And luckily, by the bar, there was only one woman who fit the description given to her. You. 

To her surprise, you were way more distracting than she had expected. Your short dress hugged your curves just right, your effortless movements were eye-catching and elegant. And your smile, god. The way you smiled at the bartender made her wish she was him. 

But at that moment, she was an Agent of SHIELD, and she had a job to do.

You were just about to order another glass of your drink when a hand was laid on your shoulder. You looked back to see if it was another flirter, but was taken aback by the gorgeous woman standing there. She had her calloused hand on your shoulder, yet her eyes were not on you, scanning the crowd. 

"Uhm, can I help-" 

"How did you get here?" Natasha recited her code-word, to double-check if it really was her assigned partner.

"With my friends...?" You wondered if you were drunker than you thought, and hallucinating this beautiful woman in front of you, asking weird questions.

But the problem was, "With my friends" was the actual code-word. 

"Good. Agent Natasha Romanoff. I assume you already know about the mission. I've got intel that Strucker's up in the VIP lounge." She gently tugged at your arm and pulled you off of your stool, handing you an earpiece. 

"Oh, um..." You tried to ask this 'Agent Natasha Romanoff' what was happening, but she continued to talk about things you couldn't even start to comprehend.

"Come on, put it on. We might need it." She stared you down, in a quite intimidating manner, that you had no choice but to follow. You really didn't know what was happening, whether this was role-playing or something else, you had no idea. 

You really didn't have much else to do anyway, maybe it wouldn't be that bad to just go with it. You were a little tipsy, but not so much that you could be dreaming about this whole conversation. Maybe it was this woman's way of hitting on you? They say weird things happen in clubs, right? (They don't)

"We have to get through the 4 security details on the outside, plus the 10 estimated to be inside." You watched with your eyes glued to her smooth movements, as she checked her various hidden weapons. You were so entranced that with a little help from alcohol, you managed to completely ignore the fact that this didn't look normal. At all.

"It's fine, I know you just started. Just be on alert, alright?" Although Natasha felt her partner's whole attitude was a little off, she shook it off, reminding herself that she had just started out. "Say, what should I call you?" She asked, starting to walk towards the stairs leading to Strucker's location.

"Oh, uhm- Y/N's fine." You stuttered, suddenly pulled away from a trance-like state you were in. "Right, and where are we go-" 

Suddenly, as the two of you got to the top of the stairs, Natasha shushed you and slammed you on the wall before you made a turn around the corner. Your cheeks burned up at her roughness, and her close proximity to you.

"Okay, I've got visual. 4 men, not an issue. Stay here." She whispered, and before you could even respond, she was out of your sight.

"What the fuck?!" After a few moments, you peeked over at where Natasha had gone, just to be met with a sight of 4 bodies on the floor. You debated whether to just run away while she was distracted, but she had already gotten to you, pulling you by your arm.

"I know this is your first field mission, Agent. But I need support." You had no reason to comply, except for the shiny black gun she held in her hands. Your breath hitched at the weapon, your mouth unable to form words. Telling yourself that this will be over soon, you could only follow. At the very least, she didn’t look like she was going to shoot you.

From there, you experienced something you never thought you would, ever, in your life. As soon as Natasha kicked open the door to the lounge, bullets were flying, kicks and punches were being thrown everywhere, knives flying across the air, and whole lotta things that had you cursing in confusion and fear every 10 seconds. 

Natasha, in the corner of her eyes, saw the panic that flashed across your eyes. She shoved you to the farthest corner of the room, shielding the knives and guns that pointed your way. She usually would’ve been annoyed at an Agent’s lack of experience, but seeing you so small almost hurt her physical heart.

You were curled up by the wall, watching this intricate dance of deadliness. But even though the chaos, the woman, who called herself Agent Natasha Romanoff was like a magnet for your eyes. Her movements, her punches, kicks, even the way she held her gun was so rhythmical and controlled, that you almost forgot you were in the middle of a gun-fight.

That's when it hit you. 

She was a real Agent who mistook you for her partner. 

So when Natasha was going one-on-one and overpowered by who seemed to be the leader of the gang, you only had 2 choices in front of you. Either you run while all the other men are knocked out and the leader is distracted, or you toughen up and help Natasha.

It was perfect. The mafia-looking guy had his back to you, completely unaware that you were even in the room. All rational thoughts went out the window as you heard Natasha choke in his grip. You almost don't remember what you did after that. All you know is that you slid your stun-gun out of your boot, and shot him right on his shoulder. 

You stood still in your spot after that, watching as she cleaned up.

"Thanks for the last-minute save." Natasha's voice sounded like you were hearing her from underwater, your senses dulled from the shock. You fell to the floor, suddenly losing control of your legs. 

"Hey, what's the matter?" She dropped the knocked out and hand-cuffed body of the man on the ground, and ran over to you.

"Agent... I'm not who you think I am." You looked up at her with glossy eyes, not even knowing why you were about to cry.

-a whole lot of explaining later-

"You're a civilian." She fell down next to you, clearly horrified by this new revelation. "I don't even know how to apologize. I'm sorry." She cradled her head in her hands, cursing herself for being so irresponsible.

"Uhm, Agent Romanoff? It's okay, I think." You wiped away your stray tears, cry-laughing at yourself and this whole ridiculous situation. Natasha looked over at you with sympathy filled in her eyes, laying a hand over yours that rested on the carpet.

"Oh god, this is crazy." Natasha couldn't do anything but laugh. The two of you kept on talking and laughing about how today turned out as you dragged the handcuffed body out of the VIP exit, and into her police-car like vehicle. 

You had to let her take you back to her office, to check you for injuries and explain the situation to her boss. You must’ve received at least 50 apologies from the both of them, but you assured them that you were okay.

And... it turns out, not a lot of people can react like you did in a first fight. On top of this, the Avengers were actually looking for a support agent, who stays back at the compound and become that “girl in the chair”. 

And guess how all of that coincidence on top of a coincidence turned out.

That simple night out led you inside a gigantic tower that everyone in New York knew about, where the notorious Avengers lived, the Stark Tower. 

“Hi, my name is Y/N Y/L/N.” 

-a month later-

You felt emotionally fulfilled, looking out at the sight of the living room. When it was just you, it was always quiet, considering you used to lived on your own. But in a short span of a month, you quickly got used to the noisy mornings, the laughters and banters filling the room.

“Hi, принцесса.” You felt a pair of arms slide under your arms, and a small kiss planted on your bare shoulder. You giggled as Natasha twirled you around, sitting you down on the counter as she kissed you.

“Mm, good morning babe.” You whispered back. And in her strong arms, you felt what the people call love, in this fiery assassin. Natasha couldn’t ask for a better partner to share her deepest secrets with, to follow to the ends of the earth, and protect with all she had.

“Tonyyy, Y/N and Tasha are making out on your coffee beansss.” Clint yelled from his place on the couch, an evil smile on his face as Tony ran into the kitchen.

“Not my Tanzania Peaberry Coffee beans!” 

All is good. (?)

(The real Agent got shit-faced and was fired lol)

[girlwithshipsshitshow]

Part 15

(Rose and Eri sat on the beach, their hands laced with each other, they watched the waves crash onto the sand. Eri pushed up the sleeves of her light white hoodie she was wearing, and dug her toes into the sand, her black leggings were rolled up to her knees, Rose wore a similar outfit, a light red hoodie and blue leggings).

Eri: (Picks up a clump of sand and throws it towards the water). This is nice.

Rose: Yeah, its feels good outside too.

Eri: Hey, I had fun last night.

Rose: Yeah, so did I. Want to come spend the night again?

Eri: I can't, I have to work tomorrow, Isaka only let me have a few days off and I promised I'd come back tomorrow to get some stuff organized.

Rose: Okay, I understand. I go back to night shifts this weekend.

Eri: Maybe we can do Lunch friday?

Rose: Yeah, sure!

Eri: But, hey it's only noon, still early, we have the rest of today!

Rose: That's true! What do you want to do? you hungry?

Eri: Sure, lets go get a burger.

Rose: Yeah, I know a great Place, it's called "Blacows" it's about twenty minutes from here.

Eri: Sounds great! (Stands up, pulling Rose up with her, they grab their sandals and wipe their butts off, then they head up the beach to Rose's car).

(Misaki walked out of the bathroom towel drying his hair, he peeked on the couch, good, Usagi was still fast asleep, he quietly walked up to the the his bedroom, he loved that he moved into Usagi's bedroom, at some point they wanted to knock the wall down and expand into the extra bedroom so they'd have more space. Misaki, threw his towel on the floor, slipped on blue boxers, Black sweatpants, and a white tank top, and white pullover, he walked down out of the room down stairs and looked through the pile of take out menus, he really wasn't in the mood to cook, and they were running low on food that isn't junk. Misaki found a menu for Priya Japan, they hadn't had indian in a while, it sounded really good in fact, Misaki picked up the food, walked outside to the balcony, and leaned over the brick wall).

Priya: Priya's how can I help you?

Misaki: Yeah, I'd like to place an order for delivery?

Priya: Sure, what can I get for you?

Misaki: Can I get an order of chicken Tikka Masala, two orders of Palak Paneer, four orders of garlic nan, two orders of cheese nan, and two orders of basmati rice.

Priya: Is that all?

Misaki: That's it.

Priya: Okay, your total comes to nine thousand eight hundred yen.

Misaki: Okay thank you.

Priya: And can I have the address?

(Misaki gives the restaurant the address, hangs up, and puts his phone in the pocket of his hoodie, it's twelve-thirty, he hopes Usagi will be up in time to eat, but he also wants Usagi to get his rest, Usagi also need his nutrients. Misaki sighed he looked out into the city, it was a beautiful sunny day, tomorrow would be cloudy an awfully bad day to take a test, but at least it was a his last test on a thursday, and he was definitely prepared for this test, he loved psychology sometimes he regretted not going into that field. After this test he had friday and the rest of next week to relax before his graduation March twenty second, the only thing that would suck his figuring out what he and Usagi would do, it's not like they only had sex, but a lot of their relationship consisted of it, and until the day of his graduation, they needed to find something else to do. Maybe they could play cards, he recently learned a card game called "kings in the corner" It's like solitaire but multiplayer. Misaki heard the the door to the balcony open, he didn't turn but he waited for Usagi to come beside him).

Usagi: (Groggy voice). Hey, what are you doing out here?

Misaki: I was ordering lunch, You were still sleeping, I didn't want to wake you.

Usagi: (Pulls Misaki into a hug, gives him a kiss on his head), thank you Misaki, but you could've made the in the house.

Misaki: I know. (Turns to face Usagi, he puts his arms around Usagi's neck, smiling at him). Look, I just want you you to get your rest, speaking of which, tomorrow is my final test, are you going to be okay alone for a few hours?

Usagi: (Usagi put his arms around Misaki, pulling him closer to him). Misaki, I think I'll be okay on my own for a few hours, plus it's your last test, you have to take it and pass so you can graduate and we can go on a trip.

Misaki: What kind of trip?

Usagi: Well are you sure you don't want to go on your graduation trip with your friend?

Misaki: (He shook his head and looked up at Usagi), No I want to stay with you Usagi. So if you want to plan a trip for us after my graduation you can, just keep it in tokyo. I don't want to go far, maybe for our honeymoon.

Usagi: (Takes a hand off of Misaki's waist and holds up a finger) Wait a minute, you're saying that when we go on our honeymoon, I can pick the place and you won't yell at me about the expense?

Misaki: Yes Usagi.

Usagi: I'm going to need to get that in writing.

Misaki: Ugh, whatever.

Usagi: Um, but you can get mad at for our trip after you graduate because I already got the tickets, but I did keep it in Tokyo.

Misaki: Fine, but we need to go inside because i'm sure the food will be here any minute.

(Misaki grabbed Usagi's hand and the second they closed the back door, the bell rang, the food had arrived, they spread the food on the table.

Usagi: Oh, Indian smells amazing, we haven't had that in a while.

Misaki: Yeah, I was looking through the take out menus and had the same thought. (Looks up at Usagi) Why do we even have take out menus when everything is on our phone?

Usagi: Because, the ones we have here are from our favorites.

Misaki: (Laughs as he walks into the kitchen), Usagi there's like twenty, we don't have that many favorites. do we?

Usagi: Well of we have that many menus we have that many favorites.

Misaki: Okay Usagi, do you want something to drink.

Usagi: Wine.

Misaki: What kind?

Usagi: Red.

Misaki: Okay, (He grabbed some plates, a bottle of wine and two glasses).

Usagi: ( Takes plates from Misaki, distributes food on the plates while Misaki pours the wine, they sit down in their normal spots). This looks good Misaki.

Misaki: (Mouth full), It taste good.

Usagi: So, what's bugging you?

Misaki: (Shit, Usagi always knew when something was on his mind) How'd you know?

Usagi: Misaki, no matter how much you try you try to hide it, I can always tell when you're upset about something.

Misaki: Well, it's kinda a few things.

Usagi: Okay, (Takes a sip of wine) what are they?

Misaki: Well at some point we need to, um-

Usagi: Tell the public about us? Aikawa is working on setting up an interview unless you want to, it will be part of your job?

Misaki: No, she can do that. When is she planning on doing it?

Usagi: After graduation, before our trip. Is that okay?

Misaki: Yeah.

Usagi: Is that what the problem is?

Misaki: My problem is what will happen if we tell the public? What if people don't accept you, I mean you know how the ladies love you, Usagi you could lose a lot of fans, this could end your career.

Usagi:(Rolls his eyes) See this? (Holds his hand out with his engagement ring).

Miskai: Your engagement ring?

Usagi: Yeah, this bonds us Misaki, you knew that when you proposed. So that means when we come out to the public, whatever happens, happens. I've always told you, I don't care what happens as long as I have you.

Misaki: I know. I love you so much Usagi, everything will work itself out. (Places left hand on top of Usagi's left hand).

Usagi: Yes it will. So what's your other problem?

Misaki: Oh, it's really dumb.

Usagi: What is it?

Misaki: Well, tomorrow is my last test and after that i'm going to be around for a week and a few days, which usually isn't a problem, but since we can't have sex for a while we have to find something to occupy ourselves, like playing cards or something, so while i'm gone tomorrow, you need to figure that out. Make a list of stuff okay?

Usagi: Yeah, I was actually thinking about that too, but I was really hoping you would bring it up first so I wouldn't have to.

Misaki: Well thanks. Anything you want to talk about?

Usagi: Nope, I just think we should eat before this food gets cold.

Misaki: Agreed.

(Rose stood at Eri's apartment door, their hands laced together)>

Rose: Are you sure you can't stay at my house again tonight?

Eri: (Grins), I wish I could, but I have to work tomorrow.

Rose: I thought Akihiko had like four months off.

Eri: (Laughs) Yeah, well Akihiko isn't the only person I edit for, but he is the main one, plus I have four months of transcripts from him that I have to edit, if I get them out now, well that will be huge for the company and him and Misaki.

Rose: Oh, yeah well that's awesome, when can I see you again?

Eri: We can meet for lunch tomorrow?

Rose: Sure, yeah I start back at work again tomorrow, but I should be able to make lunch before my night shift.

Eri: Okay cool, i'll see you around noon?

Rose: Sure.( Smiles and softly kisses Eri on the lips) i'll see you tomorrow.

Eri: Okay.

(Rose kisses Eri one last time before walking off, Eri sighs and walks into her apartment, sit her turns on her hall light, slips her shoes off, she walks to her couch flipping on the telvelstions before flopping on her couch. It was two pm, the time of day when nothing good was on. Eri sighed and flipped on her side, she decied she needed a nap).

(Misaki sat on the opposite couch while Usagi laid stretched out on the other one, he typed away on his computer looking for property).

Misaki: (Sighs, glances at Usagi whose focused "Greys Anatomy, which he was currently binging again. He sighed louder hoping he would get Usagi's attention, but he still didn't. He loudly cleared his throat).

Usagi: Misaki, what's wrong?

Misaki: What if I was dying, and you just now noticed that I needed you?

Usagi: Well you aren't dying, you're on the computer, what are you doing anyway?

Misaki: That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about, I was thinking, have you ever thought about selling this place?

Usagi: It's crossed my mind a few times why?

Misaki: Well I was thinking (He gets up and sits on the edge of the coffee table taking Usagi's hand). I Want us to buy a house, a-a-and not just buy a house, I want us to buy some property and build a house, or at least design it and have people build it for us.

Usagi: (His blue purple eyes lit up, he gave Misaki a half smirk). You wanna buy land a build a house together?

Misaki: Well yeah. Why, is it dumb? it's dumb right? Look, nevermind, it's just I found this amazing property in Kanagawa and its sixty two acres, the going rate is one hundred twenty-eight thousand three hundred eighty-nine yen. It's huge Usagi, and it could be perfect for us.

Usagi: Really? (He sits up grinning at Misaki), what makes you think that?

Misaki: Us getting married, and I had a dream about us buying land and building a house, and I want us to have a family, plus I love this house, but it's not mine it's yours, I want us to have a house together, one that we can grow old together in.

Usagi: You've really given this a lot of thought haven't you?

Misaki: I have, Look we have until June before we really start work again, and Maybe we can look at the property on friday?

Usagi: And where does that leave us the rest of the week?

Misaki: Making design plans, on pintrest.

Usagi: Pinterest? Like that dreamboard app thing?

Misaki: Yeah.

Usagi: Okay, I'll call my realtor tomorrow and see if he can help us.

Misaki: Really?

Usagi: (He smiled running his hands up and down Misaki's thighs) I think us buying land and designing a house together is amazing, I mean we need people to help us clearly because we don't know how to do that.

Misaki: I know, I said that earlier.

Usagi: Let's start by looking at the house.

(Misaki grinned, and leaned forward kissing Usagi softly).

Misaki: I'm going to start making pinterest boards.

Usagi: Have fun with that, I'm going back to watching Greys.

Misaki: have fun that.

(In the early hours of the morning, before Misaki raced to get ready for school, Usagi pulled him close, kissing his head, running his fingers through his soft hair, this always relaxed him, and even though Misaki was extremely confident about this final test, he wanted to stay in Usagi's arms for as long as he could, especially since they couldn't have sex, it felt nice just to cuddle, their body heat filling each up).

Usagi: Misaki, are you sure you'll pass this test?

Misaki: Why are you doubting me, you know psychology is my favorite.

Usagi: Still, I just want to make sure you're prepared.

Misaki: (flips on his side to face Usagi), I am, why don't you believe me?

Usagi: I do, but sometimes overconfidence doesn't mean anything you could still fail.

Misaki: Why are you being mean to me?

Usagi: I just need you to pass so you can graduate and we can-

Misaki: Can what?

Usagi: Begin our lives together.

Misaki: Beautiful save, but I already know about the trip you're planning for us after I graduate because you told me.

Usagi: Oh yeah.

Misaki: What time is it?

Usagi: (Reaches behind him and raises his phone to check the time), six.

Misaki: (He groaned burying his head into Usagi's chest) I gotta get up. I have to shower, my test is a eight.

Usagi: So why aren't you moving?

Misaki: You're comfortable.

Usagi: Go shower Misaki, go to school, kill the test.

Misaki: What are you doing?

Usagi: Going back to bed. I Love you.

Misaki: I love you too.

(Usagi sits up up giving Misaki a small kiss before he walks into the bathroom).

(Usagi leaned back in his chair, his phone ringing, wating for the person on the other end to pick up).

Ren: Akihiko Usami, it's been awhile.

Usagi: Yeah, what thirty two years?

Ren: Yes sir, are you moving out?

Usagi: You didn't think I was just calling to check on your kids did you?

Ren: (Laughs) No sir, so what's making you move, you've lived in that space since you were sixteen.

Usagi: My fiance and I want a space, well he wants to build a space or a lot to build our dream house.

Ren: Wow, Akihiko getting married, that's something I never thought I'd hear.

Usagi: Yeah, well he found a place, can I send you the address, we want to look at it tomorrow.

Ren: I think I can work that out.

Usagi: Well thank you, and we might need some carpenters.

Ren: I have people to help build your house, and interior designers, anything you need to help you build your dream house, my company and I can help you.

Usagi: Thank you Ren I appreciate it.

Ren: Of course.

(As Usagi hung up, another call came through, it was Misaki, Usagi grinned, even though they've been together forever, his heart still raced and he got butterflies whenever Misaki's name came across his phone).

Usagi: Hey you.

Misaki: Hey Babe.

Usagi: How'd your test go?

Misaki: Great, it's being graded now.

Usagi: Ah, and how long will that take?

Misaki: Not sure, it's a small class so maybe twenty minutes at most? Enough about me, how was your morning?

Usagi: Well slow, I had enough time to talk with my realtor, we might be able to have a look at the property in the morning.

Misaki: Oh that's awesome!

Usagi: (Chuckles) I'm glad you're excited about it.

Misaki: I am, I'm really happy.

Usagi: Okay, well i'm on my way to come get you, we can grab lunch.

Misaki: Okay, i'll see you soon.

Usagi: Alright, I love you.

Misaki: Love you too.

[romanceandnothingelse]

Paris, France.

10:43 pm

Dear Alice,

Its been twelve years since Renesmee was born. Twelve years since I married Edward. Twelve years in the face of forever.

If I were still to age I would be thirty now.

It's strange to think of such an amount of time both short in the reality of my having forever, and so long and everything I had feared such a short time ago. In three days time comes my worst nightmare. My thirty-first birthday. Edward tells me that I shouldn't count, but how can I not when I look at my life now, and see in it what could have been. What could have been if Edward had his way and made me age and get old. What could have been if I got to this day naturally and saw myself as a grown woman, standing next to my husband who looks seventeen. My husband who will look seventeen forever as I would have died a little each day slowly watching the creases on my face deepening.

Oh, Alice. I'm sorry. the trouble with letter writing instead of emailing is there's no way to undo what you've written- except for scrapping the whole thing and starting over, but I won't do that, you've waited long enough for my reply.

I haven't told Edward about your letter, and you know he wouldn't be happy with you if he knew in advance, but I think it's a good idea. I haven't seen Renesmee since she and Jacob visited two months ago. I still can't get used to the idea of my daughter being with my old best friend. But luckily I've got the rest of my life-which will never end- to come to terms with it. I've missed them while we've been here. I hate not seeing her so much but what can we do? Jacob lives with his pack and Renesmee is wherever he is. But maybe it's for the best, the less I have to see them together the less I have to think about what exactly that means.

I'm looking forward to seeing the old house again after so long. I hope you've stocked the kitchen for Renesmee, I've missed you all so much, Edward has too, despite what he'll say when he sees you all. We'll see you in a few days. But you already know that.

  

All my love,

                   Bella

Returning to our townhouse after sending my letter, I found Edward where he had been sat for the past 3 days straight; bent over the grand piano in our 'living room'. Without much need for typical human comforts we kept pretences for just that. Pretences.

Drawing closer I sat beside him on the small bench and tapped his arm gently. Nothing. I rolled my eyes; we needed to be back home at Faulks in two days, but he was completely absorbed in the new piece he was writing.

"Edward." I cleared my throat, raising my eyebrows.

He doesn't even know I'm here right now. I sighed, heading into the kitchen to resume by activities of the past week. Authentic Italian cooking. Every year since I became a vampire I've taken up a new interest and this year I was inspired by one of my moms old cooking books. She, of course never used it, or any other cooking book but when Edward and I 'vacationed to Italy' after we were married she gave me an old book full of Italian recipes when we returned. And so, after falling in love with the recipes I decided I wanted to be able to perfect them in the real Italian way; installing everything I needed into our modest French townhouse and buying every cookbook I found, and lastly being tutored by an Italian chef. It's been amazing. But I missed being able to cook for the people I loved who could actually enjoy it. Renesmee left too soon, I sighed to myself, but was gently consoled by the fact I was going to give Charlie a shock when I got home with a proper Italian meal for him and Sue. I couldn't wait.

After practicing my signature dish- which I was told by the locals was 'très magnifique'- I followed the music coming from the living room and found Edward, perfectly content, leisurely playing a composition I'd never heard before.

"You're done?" I asked.

He turned from where he was sat and looked at me serenely, his gentle smile slowly turning into the one reserved only for me.

"Yes." He smiled softly, rising to meet me.

"Would you like to know what it's called?"

"What?" I grinned, throwing an arm around his neck as he leaned down to meet me.

"I don't know yet." He confessed in a whisper.

I laughed, "Well, you can think about it on the way to Faulks." I said as I watched his face intently for his reaction.

To my surprise, he frowned and the rest of his features softened, eyes straying from my own, wonderingly.

"That's a good idea." He said slowly. "Yours?" He asked.

Oh god. I don't want to lie to him but...

"Yes." I tried to smile without wincing, but somehow I didn't think it would escape his notice.

He narrowed his eyes at me. "Alice's?"

I straightened my already unnaturally straight back (vampire posture had me looking more graceful than I could ever feel. In this life or my human one), and looked him in the eyes challengingly.

"No." I said firmly. "My idea. It's almost my birthday and I want to go home for it. I want to see our family again."

A half truth. I thought to myself. An omission isn’t really a lie.

He arched an eyebrow casually down at me, obviously seeing through me, but pressing no further.

"I've packed for both of us already. You were busy." Thankfully.

"Okay," He said, dropping the subject before taking my hand and leading me to the piano. "Let me play for you before we leave."

"But we're not leaving until tomorrow." I objected instinctively. "Wait no." I laughed, "that doesn't matter.” I shook my head, smiling up at him. “Play for me." I corrected myself, sitting on the chaise opposite him where he sat at the piano.

He smiled and rolled up his sleeves and read from the creased papers standing tall above the keys.

"Pour toi, mon amour." He said softly as he began to play the most beautiful melody I had ever heard. It reminded me of one of my favourite chopin pieces he would play for me... something in E flat. I sat perfectly still with my eyes closed as he played, hearing his fingers stroking the keys, the quiet movements underneath the music adding something much more intimate to the practice.

As he stilled to a close, I opened my eyes only as I felt him beside me.

"That was beautiful." I breathed.

"I'm glad you like it." He murmured. "It was written for you."

"The next thing I take up after my Italian kitchen ventures, will be something that will benefit you." I promised. "This isn't fair, you being so perfectly considerate and me...learning to cook in a household where nobody has any need to actually eat food."

"Just because I don't need to eat food doesn't mean I don't enjoy whatever you make." He said softly. "And for your information... just you being here... just your existence alone... benefits me. I don't need anything else."

My heart fluttered as he slowly smiled down at me. I looked into his eyes and I blushed as I realised this was never going to get old. I was going to keep feeling like a teenager hopelessly in love forever. And, to my embarrassment, forever in our world really meant forever.

[bleucolor]

Last time I tried to post a giyushino fanfic and since i navigate myself through Tumblr like a boomer, I accidentally deleted my story. I felt like a whole ass clown but I'm feeling hopeful and I'm back with another prompt using the moon. This takes place in a modern AU where both Giyuu and Shinobu are teenagers. A random drabble for Giyushino which was inspired by being quarantined at home. Hope y'all enjoy and please do send some love 🥺👉👈

Moonlight and Sunrise

Giyuu and Shinobu were friends, however this fact was quite shocking to others due to their Light and Day personas. Tomioka Giyuu was a loner, he had like maybe 2 solid friends being Sabito and Makomo and the others were at max labeled as acquaintances. Shinobu wasn't the most popular one at their highschool but she was well known. She would always be seen alongside her two best friends, Sanemi the oversized delinquent who'd actually bite your head clear off and Uzui the player; who'd get girls left and right. With attention at both sides of the bay it'd be obvious that Shinobu would be well known around their school, being head of the pharmaceutical research club and still being an avid member of the fishing club and the flower arranging club gave Kochou quite the recognition around Kimestu Academy.

Giyuu happened to be in a different class than Sabito and Makomo to his demise thus forcing him to be the lonesome sheep he is. His classmates didn't bother much about him either and nor did he. To him, Kyojurou was too loud, Sanemi was too reckless and Iguro was too emo. He once even referred to Mitsuri as a horse girl to Sabito, but he later concluded that Kanroji was just a rare hybrid of a Taki girl or a hot cheeto girl and Himejima was that one person who believed in horoscopes too seriously, sometimes he'd do tarot readings for his other classmates which Giyuu honestly found quite cool. Whereas Shinobu was someone Giyuu would've honestly never associated in the first place and truthfully speaking their duo wouldn't even exist if Shinobu hadn't approached him first. Shinobu was more of a bully to Giyuu primarily but later Giyuu had opened up to her about how he thought of her as a close friend and that softened Shinobu's heart and strengthed their bond. Although Kyojurou was the smartest kid in the class; even securing his title as class president; Ubuyashiki sensei always made sure to pair up Shinobu and Giyuu together during class projects thus leading to frequent study sessions together. Towards the end of the year, Shinobu became the third person in the entirety of Kimetsu Academy to be close to Giyuu, the 1st and 2nd being Sabito and Makomo and 4th being a special freshman called Tanjiro.

Even though his classmates were rather annoying, Giyuu never did hate any of them. In fact it was hard for Giyuu to genuinely hate anybody in the first place but then there was this one person and that person was Shinobu's oh so charming boyfriend, Douma. Giyuu saw through his pretty boy personality when she first introduced him. He ranted about it to Sabito the very night, complaining about how he's all fake and it's all just a matter of time before that facade comes of. Sabito didn't miss a beat and told Giyuu to suggest a suitable partner for Shinobu instead, to which Giyuu had no answer to. And as per said prophecy it didn't take long for Shinobu to see Douma's true intentions and she decided a queen like her deserved better than this.

It was finally summer break and Giyuu and Shinobu had finally completed 12 painstaken years of schooling along with the others of course. Shinobu decided to host a little get together and hang out with the people she cared about one last time before they drifted apart into adulthood.

Giyuu reached the mall at about 8 pm and walked straight to the food court since Shinobu informed him that's where they would be. To his horror, Shinobu had invited a great deal of people, including those who didn't like him, example being his whole class. As always his presence was ignored by his classmates but thankfully amidst the groups of people, Giyuu noticed a particular red head named Sabito, aka his best friend. Sabito and Makomo were both invited too. Giyuu and Shinobu's friendship caused Shinobu to become good friends with Sabito as well, both of them developed a special bond while they both took turns into bullying poor Tomioka. Shinobu was sitting next to Kimetsu Academy's mascot boy, Inosuke, who looked way too soft for his harsh demeanor. Shinobu had a soft spot for this freshman. She had told Tomioka of how he filled the gap of her need of a younger brother. Unlike Tomioka, Shinobu had a lot of sisters; Kanae who was the eldest, Aoi was a year younger than Shinobu and then came Kanao who was 2 years younger than Shinobu, and lastly were the triplets, Naho, Sumi and Kiyo who were just middle schoolers. Inosuke was a bratty kid who'd frequently get into trouble for having a foul mouth but he was close to Tanjiro and weirdly Kochou's little sister, Kanao's best friend. The butterfly sisters loved having brutes as best friends for some reason, it didn't make sense but somehow worked out for them.

"Inosuke, promise you'll leave that nasty reputation behind."

"I ain't making any promises till you promise you'll send me 3 boxes of foreign chocolate every month." he crossed his arm and looked the other side.

Shinobu softly smiled at him, she was definitely going to miss this kid alot. "Alright Inosuke, I'll make sure to send you the latest ps4 games as well."

Inosuke's eyes lit up as he shook hands with Shinobu to confirm the deal. A subtle smile tugged at the corner of Giyuu's lips.

Giyuu went over to the table Sabito and Makomo were seated at and took a seat opposite to Sabito. It didn't take long for Shinobu to note his presence and she went over to their table and took a seat next to Giyuu. "Aww Tomioka-san, look this is a good farewell party for you, all your friends are here right Infront of you." she snorted.

Giyuu sent her a painful expression. Must she do this even on the day when he supposedly bids her farewell? "Tanjiro's not here though."

"So Kochou, did you get your acceptance letter?" Sabito tried desperately to break the awkward silence.

"oh yes I did, luckily I got into the university I wanted to. I'll be shifting to Canada a few months from now."

"That's so cool. Congrats!" Sabito sent her a beaming smile.

Giyuu was quiet, he was silently studying Shinobu, maybe this was the last time he was going to see her. She was wearing a Yellow ruffle top that was paired up with skinny ripped jeans and her 5 pound white filas, her hair was tied into a half ponytail; she looked cute. Alot of people would've assumed Giyuu's sense of fashion was probably as bland as his personality but surprisingly the guy had drip. He wore a plain black shirt paired up with dark denim jeans and chains to accessorise. Giyuu was an eboy. His sense of fashion honestly made him look quite intimidating but it added a spice to his laid back bland persona, maybe that's why Shinobu had taken an interest to him in the first place.

And almost too soon the party had came to an end as the clock struck 11 PM. Shinobu was probably tired of getting squeezed everytime she got hugged goodbye. One by one, everyone started to leave and before they knew it, a very ominous pair was left behind, and that pair being Giyuu and Shinobu.

"Sabito-kun is a very nice lad. You have great friends Tomioka-san." Shinobu complimented.

"He's nice because he walked Makomo home at 11pm?"

"Well yes, that's rather a very gentlemanly behavior. Don't you think so?"

"You know I've been doing that to you in every single one of our study dates right?" Giyuu raised an eyebrow, right now he seemed like a puppy wagging his tail to receive pats from its master.

Shinobu's cheeks flushed a pale shade of pink when Giyuu had referred to their study session as study dates mistakenly. It was just a slip of a tongue that's all. "My Tomioka-san, are you waiting for me to compliment you?"

"It's nice to hear you say something good about me once in a while Kochou." he pouted like a child.

"If that's what you want...then alright. Walk me home one last time Tomioka san."

"No." he blurted almost too bluntly causing Shinobu to frown almost too evidently. "I'll take you home on my bike instead, this time."

Shinobu was quite taken aback to his sudden kind gesture. Her stomach swelled up with a weird feeling. A mix of happiness with sadness that this was the first and last time she'd get to ride behind his bike.

Giyuu had disappeared for a split second into the parking lot leaving a timid Shinobu pondering. He did mention he really liked bikes. Weirdly as a highschooler, Shinobu always wanted to cruise behind a boy's motorcycle at least once during her high school years and well this was her chance. In 3 minutes Giyuu showed up in a Ducati xdiavel Infront of Shinobu. He patted on the seat next to him gesturing her to come take a seat behind him and so she did after admiring Giyuu and his totally hot ride. Not gonna lie his attire went really well with his bike, she almost felt like she was starring in some music video as they cruised into the dark streets.

Shinobu shrieked almost losing her grip as Giyuu hit a speed bump.

"Kochou." he called out to her, getting her attention.

"Hm?"

"Hold onto me, or you'll fall." his words left Shinobu all flustered and hot but she was quick to oblige, she didn't want any broken bones right before her flight. She also silently thanked the gods that it was too dark for Giyuu to make out her flushed red cheeks.

"Tomioka-san? When did you get this sweet thing?"

"It was a gift from my dad."

"But what if you have to move away for uni? What will happen to it then?"

"I'll take it with me, I haven't gotten a number plate for it yet so I'll just ship it using a ferry or something."

Shinobu wrapped her arms around his waist tightly. She wondered if she was the first girl to sit on his bike. She also wondered about the other girls who would eventually later sit on his bike.

"Kochou, are you in a hurry to go home?" Giyuu suddenly asked.

"Not really, mom and dad are staying at my grandparents' place in the country side and Nee-san just wants me to spend my last few days as free spirited teenager."

"Spend this night with me." he suddenly blurted.

"What?" she choked on her words. Giyuu had become way to daring these days, saying whatever he wanted and bruising poor Shinobu's heart with his choice of words.

"Come on, I wanna show you something." he reassured her in a soothing tone.

"Alright Tomioka-san, as long as you don't get us into trouble I'm good."

He soon parked into a quiet neighborhood. Jesus, this placed seemed abandoned for God's sake, what did he have to show her here? the grudge or babadook?

"Tomioka-san are you sure about this place." Shinobu sent him a nervous look as she tugged at the hem of his shirt.

Giyuu looked into her eyes as he held his hand out to her,"Trust me Kochou." and so she did. They now walked into this dark neighborhood, her tiny hand still enclasped with his large ones. Giyuu knew Shinobu wasn't a big fan of places like these. Places that screamed paranormal activity but the fact the she obliged quite quickly did make him realize how much she trusted him and deep down it made Tomioka Giyuu happy.

"isn't this place restricted or anything? Are we allowed to come here?" Shinobu asked almost too loudly.

Giyuu quickly covered her mouth with his large hands and pulled her into a dark alleyway. Shinobu was quite confused at his sudden antics. She sent him a raised eyebrow as he pinned her against a stone wall, his hand still covering her mouth and almost immediately a Patrol guard walked right past them on the streets. He quickly let go of her and pressed his index finger against his lips gesturing her to stay quiet. "it's alright as long as you don't get caught." he whispered to which she rolled her eyes. He held her hand once again and walked to the biggest house in the area, the house was 4 stories high and Giyuu seemed to have a weird tactic of slipping by the backdoor without getting noticed every time.

"So Tomioka-san, you wanted to show me an abandoned house. Very funny."

"They're not abandoned, they're on sale." He replied walking towards the kitchen.

Shinobu followed him precautiously, "And you're treating it like you own it."

"Only for a while." he replied as he took out 2 bottles of flavored milk. He handed Shinobu the strawberry flavored one knowing that was her favorite and kept the melon flavored one for himself.

"Tomioka-san what's the meaning of this?" she asked one last time, quite getting tired of his shit, really.

Giyuu didn't reply but held her hand as walked upstairs, practically forcing her to follow behind him. They soon reached the attic.

Shinobu was a little taken aback seeing all the clutter of furnite up there. Giyuu pulled up the glass window revealing a beautiful full moon night, how come Shinobu didn't notice that before? And then Tomioka started doing something stupid, which was climbing out of the attic window. Shinobu quickly grabbed his arm as a result of an involuntary reflex, "Are you stupid, do you want to die?"

Giyu was now standing on the roof of a 4 story house with a nerve wrecked Shinobu holding his arm. "Trust me Kochou." he spoke holding out his hand to her.

She shifted her gaze from his moonlit eyes to his hand. Did she trust him with her life? Yes, yes she did. She placed her hand on his and he carefully helped her outside. "Tomioka-san I don't see any point in all of thi-" Shinobu was cut off with the picturesque view of the moon and its bright stars right Infront of her.

Giyuu took a seat next to her, observing the view alongside her. He slowly sipped his melon drink while Shinobu quietly enjoyed her strawberry drink. His gaze shifted from the scenic beauty Infront of him to the other scenic beauty next to him (im a little gay for Shinobu sorry) and there she was Kochou Shinobu, the stars reflected in her eyes as she absent-mindedly stared into the sky being lost in her own void and Giyuu just watched her, she looked even cuter now.

It didn't take long for Shinobu to catch him staring which almost made him choke his drink.

"Are you okay?" she asked him.

"Yeah." he replied after his coughing fits died down. He decided to lay down and enjoy the beauty the night had to offer and Shinobu copied him, laying down next to him. Giyuu had quickly slid his arm towards Shinobu, allowing her to rest her huge head on his arm.

"Tomioka-san." she called out to him making his gaze lock with hers.

"Hm?"

"Thank you. I needed this."

He sent her a soft smile as he tucked behind a strand of her hair behind her ear, "You're welcome."

"You know Tomioka-san, since you've been craving compliments I guess I'll finally give you one." Giyuu softly observed her, wondering what she'd say. "If i were to describe you to a person Tomioka-san. This scenery would suffice."

"Hm?" he raised an eyebrow, "How so?"

"It kinda matches with your personality you know, It's as quiet and mysterious as the night but nevertheless if you observe closely it has all this beauty to offer." she smiled at him, and this time it hurt him. It made him feel weird. It didn't take long for Giyuu's cheeks to be flushed red under the silver moonlight. Giyuu couldn't reply to this, heck he couldn't even force any words through his mouth. Shinobu smiled and gazed back at the stars once again. She was hit a wave of familiarity, this was her and Giyuu's relationship, it was a bit complicated but it was a bit too beautiful to lose. She started to feel her stomach coil in sadness realising this was the last possible memory she'd spend with Giyuu or maybe they could meet up during the holiday seasons and have remakes of adventurous nights like these.

"Tomioka-san, did you get your acceptance letter?"

"Yeah I did."

"Where are you going?" she wasn't facing him, she didn't want him to see her sad expression.

"Same place you are." Giyuu tried his best not to smile while he said that.

Shinobu quickly turned to him in surprise, "That's a horrible joke, Tomioka-san."

"I'm not." he said, pulling out his phone from his pocket and scrolling through his email to show her his proof. And to Shinobu's surprise there it was, and it was legit. Shinobu was quiet, this was what she wanted but in was a bit too much for her to take in all at once.

"Thank God, now I don't have to worry about you not having friends and getting left alone." she snapped back almost too quickly,

"Shut up."

The air was light and heavy at the same time, Shinobu was a bit too happy to be falling asleep but it didn't take her long to doze off in Giyuu's arms, or on Giyuu's arms. Ouch.

He mentally cursed himself for suddenly exhibiting simp behavior, but today was Shinobu's day and he just had to oblige even though he had to sacrifice his arm.

It didn't take long for Giyuu to doze off alongside Shinobu. Falling asleep under a star-filled sky did have a romantic touch to it.

Giyuu was the first to wake up as the sun slowly started to rise amongst the clouds, creating a magnificent hue of purple and orange. Thankfully Shinobu had shifted from laying on his arm to laying on his chest instead which was definitely more comfortable, but surely Shinobu wouldn't be able to sleep long against his chest with his heart pounding like that.

Giyuu took a moment to appreciate a sleepy Shinobu alongside the beautiful sunrise. Her sun-kissed face was just art in its own form. If Giyuu was anywhere as skilled as Sabito in art, he'd use this masterpiece lying beside him as a prompt and then that's when it hit him. Shinobu basked in the golden rays of sunlight, Shinobu was the golden sunrise in early mornings and if Giyuu were to describe her to someone he'd say something along the lines of; "Shinobu you're the morning sunrise. You're annoying but your presence brings warmth." he whispered softly patting her head. And as most cliché scenes this was no different, much to Giyuu's ill fate, Shinobu was seemingly awake the whole time, and she heard every bit of that.

"That's quite harsh Tomioka-san, but I'll take it." she replied causing a frantic Giyuu's heart rate to sky rocket.

With the sun out, Giyuu and Shinobu realised they better be getting home now since they both had guardians to explain their whereabouts to. It didn't take long for them to pack up and reach Shinobu's house. They shared a small hug on Shinobu's front porch along with Shinobu thanking him for giving her an unforgettable journey. This was a nice end to her highschool life. With a wide grin plastered over her face Shinobu walked into her house to 5 very amused and interested sisters.

[hannie-dul-set]

(thirteen times) i love you— 01

— wherein y/n (a hopeless romantic) seems to fall in love with nearly ever guy she meets. so, she writes letters for them to compensate. these letters weren’t meant for them to read, but what happens when they all end up receiving them?

01 // the day it all went down

word count: 4.3k

a/n: the first part is finally here!! heheh. be warned that this is nothing but an absolute shitfest rip HAHHAH please lmk what you thought about this part!!

part 2 will be on July 9th, 8:00 PM EST!

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masterlist

The soft breeze hits your skin as you walk down the dusty pavement. Clutching your books to your chest, you let out a long breath. Yet another agonizingly long day at school, I guess.

Your pace begins to slow down the moment your temporary prison appears into your field of vision. It wasn't as if you hated school— what you hated was going through the same mundane pattern nearly every single damn day to the point that it could bring a person to the brink of insanity. If that hadn't happened before, then you surely will be the first.

"Y/N! It's good to see that you're alive!" A chipper voice (thankfully) interrupts your blaring thoughts.

You groaned, "How the fuck is that a good thing, Hyerim? If anything, my impending death might actually be what the world needs right now."

"And how exactly would your death contribute to helping the earth?" Hyerim rolled her eyes, adjusting the strap of her bag as the both of you entered the campus.

A few acquaintances greeted the both of you while you passed the corridors. "Is Jiyeon not here yet?" You questioned, brushing a stray hair behind your ear.

"Said she's gonna be late," Hyerim shrugged, "And you still haven't answered my question, missy."

With a sigh, you divert your attention towards your locker which is a few feet away from you. Your eyes narrow. What the fuck? You continue to squint at the object— or more like the person leaning against it, whom which you assumed is waiting for you for god knows whatever reason.

"Hellooo? Y/N, you okay?" a waving hand blocks your vision. You turned to your friend who's giving you a worried look.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," you assured her. Hopefully. You glance back at the male who was still in the same spot as before, but this time, he seemed to have noticed you. For fucks sake, go away! Oh lord jesus, am I in trouble? You gulped and looked back to your friend.

"Hey, I gotta go. I'll see you later," you bid her goodbye, walking past her "And to answer your question— overpopulation."

You heard small 'what the fuck' from your friend before you had finally left her presence, causing small grin to form in your face. Although, your brief moment of joy was cut short once you remembered the apparent doom that was waiting for you at your locker.

You made your way towards the man. With every step you take, your heart races further and a new thought of dread plants itself in your mind.

What does he want from me?! As far as I know, I haven't done anything wrong! But why else would he be here? Wait, what if I actually did something that I don't know of? Jesus— okay, relax Y/N, it probably won't be that bad. Oh god, never mind, he doesn't look happy. You know what, my death would really, really, really sound nice right now. Maybe if i just jump—

"Oh. There you are, Y/N. I've been waiting for you for quite some time now."

Lord, please take me.

"May I know why, Seungcheol?" you look up to meet his eyes, features remaining calm in the hopes of masking the internal turmoil that's going on in your head.

It takes him a while to respond. He bites his bottom lip, eyes wandering in every direction besides you. Based on his actions, you could tell he was nervous— that didn't exactly sit well with you. Why the hell is mister student council president waiting for you, and not to mention he's nervous? The last interaction you've had with him was literally months ago. None of your thoughts seemed to line up, so all you could do was just to anxiously wait for his response.

He let out a deep breath, "Look, Y/N, I'm really flattered that you like me and—"

Your brows furrowed. What?

"—and I appreciate the fact that you think I'm handsome and all—"

The hell is he saying?

"—but you know I have a girlfriend and I really don't think she'll —"

"Seungcheol, what are you talking about?" you cut him off, your face filled with confusion.

You see him pressing his lips together. He reaches his hand into his pocket and takes out something from it.

A look of horror shrouds your face upon seeing the familiar object. Your eyes widen and you could feel your breathing starting to become erratic.

Oh my god no no no, please, for the love of god, don't tell me—

"I got your letter, Y/N," a yellow envelope appears in his hand, "I'm really sorry, I really do appreciate the sentiment but I don't think Minyoung will be happy if she sees— wait, Y/N, are you okay?"

You shake you head, hyperventilating. Your eyes still focused on the dreaded envelope in Seungcheol's hand. This can't be happening, this cannot be happening.

Seungcheol's hands meet your shoulders, "Hey, do you want me to take you to the infirmary?" he looks at you, eyes filled with worry.

"I'll— I'll be fine, y-yeah, I'm okay—"

You freeze.

"No, you're obviously not fine, Y/N. I'm taking you to the infirmary."

What if the rest has theirs?

"I— I have to go—" you shake his hands off of you and you ran off, leaving a confused and rather bewildered Seungcheol behind.

As you raced through the halls, all of the students that you came across seemed to be giving you worried glance. They probably thought you were having a breakdown— which in fact, you are (surprise.) You must've looked absolutely terrible for them to even notice. You had no idea where you were headed— anywhere where you could lose your mind without anyone seeing would be nice. You take a swift turn, but instead of moving forward, you were stopped back a rather broad and muscular chest.

"Oh damn, you alright there, Y/N?" you slowly look up and you were met by the face you someone you really didn't want to see.

"Earth to, Y/N? Have you lost the ability to speak or maybe I've just rendered you speechless?" you nearly slapped the shameless grin on the man's face, but you remained still.

"Or maybe she just doesn't want to talk to you, Gyu."

You snap your head to the direction of the voice. Your face contorting in horror upon seeing him. Any moment now, death.

Kim Mingyu and Xu Minghao. Whatever higher being there is from above must be enjoying the shit show that your life is slowly becoming into.

You let out a small shriek as you scrambled away from the both of them.

"Okay I knew she didn't like me, but that was just rude."

Quickening your pace, you dashed your way to the back of the school. It was almost time for your first class, but all you wanted to do was just to sit down, cry, and wallow yourself in self-pity.

The doors of heaven made its way into your peripheral vision and you swear you were about to burst into tears of joy. You let out a breath and a smile of relief plastered itself on your face.

But of course, your moment of bliss just had to be cut short.

"Y/N."

You felt someone grab your arm and you let out a squeak. You'd recognize that voice anywhere.

"Sorry, it's just that I read your letter and I—"

"I, uh, I can't talk right now, Seokmin. Gotta go, bye—" for the third time today, (and possibly more to come) you ran.

It seemed like the back of the school wasn't an option to have your breakdown, anymore. You continue on running until your legs brought you in front of the infirmary. Good enough, you thought to yourself.

You tried to catch your breath as you entered the room. From the corner of your eye, you could see a nurse on duty giving you a skeptical look.

"Don't worry," you heaved, "I just— I just need to rest for a bit."

Planting yourself face-down onto one of the nearby beds, you let out a scream. Why the hell is this happening? You were just about to begin sobbing until you heard the door swung open.

"Oh, Joshua. What brings you here, sweetie?"

Of course that's gonna happen. What did I fucking expect?

You silently thank the people that invented the curtains around medical beds because if it weren't for them, you'd be fucked (more than you already were.) Although, he would still be able to see you if he comes closer and you were not willing to let that happen.

So, like any other person would do, you climbed under the bed.

You could see the nurse's alarmed expression looking at your figure. You placed your index finger on your lips.

'Please, don't tell anyone that I'm in here,' you mouthed, your face brimming with desperation. She seemed to understand your message since she diverted her attention to Joshua.

"Ah, I was just wondering if you hand any pain killers? My head started to ache while I was heading to class."

"Is that so? Just give me a moment, Joshua, I'll go get them."

"Thank you."

A pair of feet appeared in front of you and your heart started to race. You placed your palm on your mouth in case you accidentally slip out a sound.

"Here you go, dear."

"Ah, thank you so much. I'll be going now, Miss Lee."

"Alright. Remember to take care of yourself, Joshua."

The pair of feet shuffle away, causing you to let out the breath that you've been holding back.

"I won't," you heard the door swing open then put immediately to a close.

Slowly, you crawl back out from your hiding spot, hitting your head in the process. But did you care? No, because thank the fucking gods— your ass is saved for now. You stood up and started fixing your clothes and hair (and your mental state, but that's far from redeemable due to today's mishaps.) The bell rang, and you heard a cough coming from behind you. Turning around, you see the nurse looking at you with an unamused expression.

"Before you loiter around any further, I'd have to tell you that you need to get back to class, sweetie," despite the endearment at the end, the tone of her voice is less than endearing; a stark contrast from when she was talking to Joshua, earlier. But then again, he wasn't acting crazy and crawling underneath furniture, so you couldn't really blame her.

You nodded, and without a word, you scurried out of the room.

A groan exited your mouth as you made your way to your first class— chemistry. There weren't much students left in the hallway since the bell had already rung, so you're free to trudge your body around like a zombie. You've reached the door to your class, but before you could open it, you paused.

Fuck.

You curse at yourself.

Junhui is in this class.

Silently letting out a few prayers, you finally opened the door. Two pairs of eyes immediately stared at your direction— you professor, and the devil himself, Junhui.

Jesus, it's like he has been waiting for my arrival or something (guess what: he was.)

"My apologies for being late, sir, I just came from the infirmary," you explain.

"It's fine, Y/N, just go to your seat," you professor brushed you off and you nodded, following his instructions.

The class went on agonizingly slow, but perhaps that was just you hoping for it to end quickly. But, can you really blame yourself when there's literally someone drilling holes at the back of your head the entire god damned time?

Your look at the perpetrator from a few seats behind you, and were met by his intense gaze. You let a barely audible curse slip past your lips and turned your head back to the front. Can he like, stop? You could feel the warmth spreading on your cheeks from the brief interaction. Burying your face in your arms, you could only wait for the saving sound of the bell.

As if it were an ensemble of angels singing— the bell rang.

A bunch of students immediately stood up, you being one of them. You raced towards the door before Junhui could catch up to you. You exited the classroom, but before you could let out a sweet sigh of relief, you felt a hand on your shoulder.

"Hey, Y/N. Is it okay if we talk for a sec?" you paled. No, it is not okay if we talk for a sec— or ever, actually. You turned your head to face him, but before you could utter out an excuse, someone decided to interrupt.

"Sorry, Jun. But I need to borrow Y/N for a while," you thought you were finally saved, but it turns out that your savior would actually end up being your demise, as well.

Wonwoo dragged you away from Junhui without giving him a chance to respond. 

Is this some sort of sick fucking joke?

The tall male finally stopped dragging you and you both ended up in a quiet hallway. You look up at him, trying to formulate a decent excuse in your head since you already anticipated what he has to say.

"Sorry for interrupting you, but I just had to inform you to head to the clubroom after class," Wonwoo explained. "I know I could've just told you there, but you looked like you'd rather die than be that situation— whatever that was."

Huh. You thought. Hasn't he read the letter?

"Anyways, I'll be seeing you later, Y/N," he bade you farewell and left your confused self in the hallway.

You let out a heavy sigh. Thank god you we're saved just now but you know that won't last any longer. Walking at an agonizingly slow pace to your next class, you could only anticipate the next stage of torture that life has planned for you.

You made a quick stop at your locker before heading to class. Letting out a yawn, you opened it and took out everything you need. You weren’t gonna lie, this whole fiasco was starting to make you feel like a dead log . All you wanted was to sleep for ten days (and maybe cry along the way) and wake up knowing this entire thing was just a shitty dream.

You closed (read: slammed) your locker. Turning your heels, you see the presence of another person a couple of feet away from you. You groaned. Can I get a fucking break, please?

At the end of the hallway was Lee Jihoon.

You expected him to march up to you, letter in hand, and gently tell you to fuck off because he isn’t interested. But instead, the moment the male met your eyes, a flustered look crept onto his face along with a not-so-subtle red blush. You heard him mumble a low ’fuck’ before he literally ran away from you as if you had some sort of contagious disease. The tables have turned, apparently.

If you hadn’t been doing the exact same thing during the entirety of the morning, you’d be offended by his actions. You sigh, spending the next few minutes walking to your next class in silence.

Surprisingly, you weren’t late. You took a seat on the second row and waited for the class to start. An uneasy feeling started to flourish in your head. This is weird, you thought. This had been the longest time of peace that had passed before everything inevitably turns to shit again.

Just as the thought enters your mind, the door swings open, revealing none other than Boo Seungkwan.

You grumble, of course this was bound to happen. You prepared yourself for yet another uncomfortable Junhui situation to commence, but it ended up being far more worse than anticipated.

As if the universe slowed down just for this moment, Seungkwan marched towards the desk literally right beside you and, god-forbid, he sat down.

I really wish I were dead, right now.

To make things even more terrible, the male decided to strike up a conversation.

“Morning, Y/N.”

You contemplated grabbing your pen and just stabbing yourself with it, but you didn’t— that would take much too long. Instead, you ended up responding with a small ‘hi,’ which sounded more like a squeak than anything else.

Seungkwan hummed at your response and started fixing his things. You prayed, hoped, and wished that he hadn’t read the letter yet, because god you wouldn’t be able to escape this just like the previous times.

The professor started the class, and the next couple of minutes were spent with him introducing a new lesson.

You assumed your prayers have finally been answered since so far, Seungkwan hadn’t mentioned anything about the letter. You thought you could finally rest easy and focus on the class, but of course, the world decided that you haven’t suffered enough just yet.

“Psst, I was waiting for you to mention the letter you sent me, but it seems like you have zero plans so—”

“Sir, may I go to the restroom!?”

You shot up, cutting off the male beside you and catching the attention of everyone in class. You bit your bottom lip. Clearly, you didn’t think this through, but you didn’t care— you just needed to leave.

“Go ahead, Miss Y/N, and please don’t yell the next time you ask.”

In a rush, you immediately left the room. You weren’t planning on going to the bathroom— for fuck’s sake, you were going home. You didn’t think you could handle the possibility of meeting any more of the recipients of your letters. You were aware you’d have to confront them in the future, but that’s in the fucking future, right now your main agenda is just to cry.

You briskly made your way around the halls, avoiding the handful of people that were around. It was an easy task since people seemed to avoid you the moment you step into their presence. From the corner of your eye, you spot the same dreaded yellow object that had been the root of your ongoing despair. Your breath hitches, bringing you to a halt upon seeing the envelope nestling in Kwon Soonyoung’s grasp.

Taking a deep breath, you hoped to sneak past the male without him noticing you in any possible way. You inched your way past him, taking one step at a time. You were about to take a turn, successfully avoiding the giant landmine that was in the form of Soonyoung, he decided to crush your hopes by looking straight at your direction. His eyes widen, opening his mouth to say something, but you didn’t give the guy a chance—

You ran.

The effect your previous marathons might’ve finally taken a toll on your body since you weren’t running as quickly as before. Your breathing started to become short and even more labored. For the meantime, you decided to stop. You wanted to escape him, not pass out. Leaning against the wall, you pant profusely, you weren’t sure if you would be able to handle this any further— physically and mentally.

You start to move again, although at a much slower pace this time. No matter what happens, you’re going home, only by then you would be able to think about a solution to your problem.

“Y/N! Wait up!”

The blood on your face drains. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck— just fuck. You could hear his footsteps getting nearer and nearer. Adrenaline rushes through your veins and you prepare yourself to start sprinting once again.

Why the fuck is this happening to me?

You sort of wish Seungcheol was just there to reprimand you earlier rather than bringing about this shit storm. It wasn’t his fault by any means, but you couldn’t find anything or anyone else to blame. God, you may have wanted a break from your daily mundane routine but isn’t this a bit too much?

Amidst your rush, a voice brings you to a halt.

“Y/N, what do you think you’re doing?”

You look up to the owner of the voice, mentally spewing out a string of curses (you couldn’t say it to his face unless you wanted to be in even deeper trouble.)

“Aren’t you supposed to be in class? Why the hell are you running around the hallway?”

Jeonghan begins to scold you, although none of it seems to register in your mind. You could only focus on the sound of Soonyoung’s footsteps, who in fact is only seconds away.

“Look, Jeonghan,” you heaved, cutting him off, “I— I’m sort of in— in a situation right now,” you looked at the male in desperation, your breathing still noticeably unstable. You turn your head behind you, seeing the shadow of the male inching closer. “Fuck.”

You faced the male in front of you once again, “Sorry, Jeonghan, but I really— really have to go,” for the umpteenth time today, you ran, but it seemed like Jeonghan didn’t plan on letting you go just yet.

“What the— Y/N, I’m not done with you yet, hold on—”

Instead of one, you now have two males chasing after you. That doesn’t sound too bad if it were in aromantic context, but literally two guys— both of them being exceptionally athletic and fast— are trying to frantically catch you via a running competition. Now that sounds terrible.

Your legs were seriously about to give in— maybe this is a sign to start going to the gym. But due to some miracle (or maybe you were just really fast when desperate), you managed to put some distance between you and the two boys, but you know that wasn’t going to last long. What you need was a hiding place, but where the fuck could you possible hide?

“Yo, Y/N, over here,” you turn your head and see Vernon, who you hoped hasn’t read your letter yet— you probably wouldn’t be able to handle another guy coming for your ass.

Taking the risk, you march up to him, hoping he could help you in some way. He points at his locker and you furrowed your brows in response, how is that supposed to help you?

“Hurry, get in, I’ll tell them you ran off somewhere else,” Vernon ushered you inside the compartment. You gape at him. Were you really gonna let him lock you in his locker in order to get two guys off of your tail? To answer: yes, yes you were.

You struggled to let yourself fit, but although extremely cramped, you managed. From the holes of the locker’s door, you were able to see and hear what was going on outside. A few seconds pass, then Jeonghan and Soonyoung appeared into view.

“Vernon, have you seen Y/N around?” Jeonghan asked, his breath hitching just the slightest bit.

Vernon, for the love of god, please be on my side.

“Yeah, she ran off in that direction,” he pointed towards somewhere you couldn’t see.

“Thanks, man,” Soonyoung replied and the both of them finally disappeared.

You closed your eyes, hoping to find some semblance of peace as you wait for Vernon to release you from the confined space.

“Alright, Y/N, they’re gone,” you heard a click and the locker door creaked open, “You’re safe now.”

Getting out was as much of a struggle as getting in, but once you were fully free, you found refuge on the floor underneath you. You let out as sigh as you leaned against one of the other lockers.

“Hate to ruin your moment, Y/N but why the fuck were they chasing you?” Vernon asked, confusion present in his voice.

You decided to pull yourself up, the male helping you along the way, “It's— It’s a long story,” you managed to utter out. Vernon only looked at you, probably even more perplexed than before. You brush off all the dust and the dirt before taking your leave.

“Thanks a lot, Sol. God, you don’t know how much I owe you for that,” you breathed.

“An explanation would be appreciated,” he chuckled, “But I won’t bug you right now, you look absolutely fucked out.”

You gave him a tired smile in response, “I’ll be going now. See you around,” you wave at him then immediately made your way outside.

The sun hits your skin. You almost cried knowing you finally managed to make it out alive. A few more agonizing minutes until you could have your long awaited breakdown. Surprisingly, the guard by the gate didn’t question why you were leaving school grounds— your postwar appearance probably says everything.

While you were trudging your way home, you felt a buzz in the pocket of your skirt. Letting out a groan, you fish for your phone. A look of dread shrouds your face upon seeing the message. Just when you thought your misery was over.

[chan: y/n we having a tutoring session later right? 👀]

[you: sorry chan, i won’t make it today]

[chan: aw is that so :((( i wanted to talk to you about something

chan: tomorrow then!!!]

You let out an exasperated groan and shoved your phone back into your pocket. Whatever happens within the next few days— you’ll deal with them sooner or later (hopefully, never).

Your house comes into view and you immediately broke into a sprint. Upon reaching your front door, the tears that you’ve been holding back the entire time threaten to break out. A few more seconds, Y/N, you could make it. You opened the door, and after slamming it close, you drop to the floor.

You know you’d have more shit awaiting for you tomorrow, but as of now— you only had the energy to bawl your eyes out, drown yourself in your own misery, and hope for the best to come.

[torikyles55]

Belphegor X Reader

Fandom: Supernatural

Word count: 4900

Warnings: language, violence, end of main story gets a bit spicy

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You can't come into my life,

Make me completely fall in love,

And then just leave.

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Prologue

A chill in the air is what disturbs your slumber. Your eyes slowly open a vaguely familliar voice echoing in your head from your dream.

"Welcome to the end."

Shaking your head to try and wake up a bit, you turn onto your side to check the clock on your bedstand table, seeing that it reads twelve (12) PM.

"How the hell am I only waking up now?" You mutter mostly to yourself, before groaning and leaning back against your pillows. The chill is still in the air, and you sigh again before reaching over blindly to fumble with the lamp on your nightstand table.

Clicking it on, you wait until your eyes adjust, before swinging your legs off the bed.

With all of this running through your head, paired with the fact that you can now see your breath, you can only assume the worst.

A slight flicker of light from the lamp makes you freeze, and you look over to it. You were always very careful with your lighting, changing the bulbs in every room at least once every three months, and you had just changed this bulb last week. The power never malfunctions in this town either.

Ghost.

Flinging yourself off the bed, you hear a shriek of laughter from the other side of your bed as you reach under it and pull out your hoola hoop. That's right. you're going to stop a ghost with a hoola hoop. stepping into the rather large ring, you shuffle around the room, making sure to keep your feet inside the hoola hoop as you grab your iron, salt infused knuckles from the drawer of your nightstand and your rocksalt gun from behind it.

The blood spattered clown howls with laughter at it tries to approach you with it's knife, but it quickly finds itself unable to get past your hoola hoop.

"Haha salt circle triumps ghost even if it's inside a hoola hoop. Bitch you've been defeatetd by a freaking hoola hoop." You let out your own mocking laugh, but don't take the time to gloat before heading towards the stairs.

"Now lets deal with you after I figure out how you got past my other defenses... stay here you ugly bastard."

Main story

"Woah easy! Don't shoot damnit!" The shorter man drops down into a crouch beside the taller one, his eyes trained on his ally as you wince and reload your shotgun.

"It's just rock salt. Hurts like a bitch but it won't kill him. Who are you?" Your tone is clipped as the taller man groans, bringing one hand up to his chest as he drops his head back against the floor.

Another bang echoes throughout the house as you shoot the ghost through the head, and it disappears. Your eyes are hard as you keep yourself alert, and the second you hear the slightest whoosh of air, you're swiveling on the balls of your feet to face the ghost again, shooting it in the chest this time. Only this time it's not a ghost, and the person flies back as the rock salt hits them.

"I'm fine Dean." His voice sounds pained, and for a moment, you pity him. But then your walls are back up and you're rolling back your shoulders and starting to scan the room once again.

The taller man grunts out a yes as he rises to his feet, rubbing the sore spot on his chest.

"You a hunter?" 'Dean' speaks curiously as he finally looks around the room, seeing the weapons on the walls and the extensive amount of bookshelves full of old books on even older creatures. You sweep the empty shotgun shells into a corner with your foot, and give a swift nod.

"Yeah. You?"

"Sam? Dean?" A low voice calls out from upstairs, and you narrow your eyes, readying your shotgun once again, but as the sound of footsteps echo down the steps, you lower it. A ghost wouldn't approach with so much noise. They're smarter then that.

"Who are they?" Jerking your chin towards the two newcomers, you turn to finish the spell you had started on the table. Knowing that the two men were hunters gave you a sense of reassurance, as it's hunter rules to always watch eachothers backs.

"Right yeah. I'm Sam, this is my brother Dean. Then the guy in a trenchcoat is Castiel and glasses is Belphegor." Their first names seem slightly familliar, but you keep your focus on the spell.

"You the Winchester brothers by any chance?" Sprinkling the final amount of salt over the fresh human heart, you murmur out the words to complete the spell, and a satisfied smirk spreads your lips as an orangy red wave washes over the room. Assuming that the spell worked, you turn back to face them, but see only hostillity.

"What? You don't like it when people know who you are?"

"That spell needed a fresh human heart." Castiels voice is dark as his eyees sear into yours, and you feel a shiver run down your spine att the intensity of the glares you're receiving. Although the Belphegor guy doesn't seem to care.

"Okay first off, rude. Are you assuming I killed someone? Come on. I'm a hunter, I hunt monsters not people. This was my neighbor. He was killed by the same ghost I was shooting at before you arrived." Wrinkling your nose, you start loading weapons into a duffle bag, throwing in a couple of your most important spellbooks while you're at it. Ignoring the looks on the faces of the men, you saunter towards the stairs, preparing to leave the house.

"You're leaving?" Belphegor speaks first, his voice pleasant to your ears as he follows you a few steps behind. Your eyes lock on to where his eyes should be behind those sunglasses of his, and you shrug.

"You're staying? I need to figure out how to get these things back to hell. Feel free to stay in my basement if you really want to though. No hard feelings if you're too chicken to fight the good fight."

A steady grin widens Belphegor's mouth, and he turns back to the other three men. "I like her. She's already more fun then you are." With that being said, Belphegor heads over to your side, and for a moment, you could swear you saw a bit of back on his skin around the edges of his glasses around his eyes. But then he's walking past you, and the other three men are following. Leaving you to scowl as you're somehow the last one out.

It takes only a few minutes to get to the barrier, having only stopped once after adding a woman and her daughter to the group. As you're a few feet away from the border, having hung back a few steps to make sure no one was left behind, you feel it. The slight drop in temperature makes you tense, and your eyes dart around, one hand shooting out to grab Sam's shoulder, who is walking a few feet ahead of you.

"Sam I think-" You don't manage to finish your sentance, as a pair of hands grab your arms, and rip you away from the more experienced hunter.

"Y/n!" He takes aim with his own shotgun, but as you feel the cold starting to seep into you, you realise what's happening. Eyes wide, you thrash in its grip, managing to beat it back with a punch from your iron, salt infused knuckles.

"Screw you Casper!"

Sam shoots the ghost the second you're in the clear, but your head still feels a bit foggy. Shaking away the sensation, you stumble forwards, and Sam supports your trembling body.

"I'm so happy I'm wearing iron right now." You choke out a laugh, still a bit shaken, and Sam guides you the final few feet to the barrier where the others are waiting.

"So am I." He breathes out his own short laugh, more of a huff if anything, but you take it as relief. Reaching a tree just outside of the school, you take a moment. Leaning against it to gathet your wits about you. In the process of doing so, you realise an important piece of information.

"My bag!" Looking back over to the town, you slump into a crouch, burying your head in your hands. "This day literally cannot get any worse." Narrowing your eyes, you quickly reach behind yourself to knock three times on the bark of the tree behind you. Just in case.

"I think you dropped this back there." The smooth voice of Belphegor, paired with a light thunk of something hitting the ground makes you look up, and you breath out a sigh of relief as you see your duffle bag. Belphegor moves around to sit against the tree beside you, and you lean your head against the rough bark.

"You didn't have to do that. Something could have happened to you." Holding back a worried glare, you peek over at him. But his head is down as he snaps a stick in his hands. Peeling off a patch of thinner bark from the stick, he shrugs and looks back up to you with a lopsided grin.

"Nah I'm fine. S'not like I can be possessed anyways." He reaches up to take off his sunglasses, and you jerk back in horror as you see that his eyes have been burnt out.

"What the hell are you?" Stumbling to your feet, you can only watch as he groans and slides the glasses back on, hiding his charred flesh from you once again, and you shudder as the image replays in your head. Something about eye injuries always make you uneasy.

"Oh I'm a demon. This was just the best looking dead body I could find at the time when I got out of hell."He rises to his feet, stretching out his arms and smirking suggestively.

"Dont'cha think it's cute? Personally, I was a bit taller when I-"

"Belphegor! Quit flirting and get your ass over here damnit, we're supposed to be making a plan." Dean calls out in annoyance from beside a sleek, black chevy impala, and you noticeably relax as Belphegor sighs, trudging over to where the rest of the hunters stand.

The next few days go by suprisingly easily. You yourself, mostly patrol the town. Occasionally with other hunters you haven't learned the names of yet, but mostly with Belphegor and Castiel. After getting over the fact that you're now working with a demon and an angel, you settled in quickly to everything else. You spend most nights now with Belphegor, Asking him about the world when he was human, and teaching him some stuff about the world as it is now.

It's another one of those nights as it seems. Around three (3) AM, and you just got back to your assigned room from your patrol. You're just stripping off your dusty shirt when you hear the door open, and footsteps sound against the wooden floor.

You lay there for the next minute in shock and a bit of arousal as Belphegor gets dressed, and leaves the room with a wink. "See you at breakfast Y/n~"

"Do you ever knock Belphegor?" You throw the dusty shirt towards a corner, and turn to face the demon, who's now leaning against the doorway and letting his eyes trail up and down your body.

"Nah. Not when I get a view like this. I mean wow, you're gorgeous." He smirks, licking his lips with a chuckle, and you feel yourself growing warm.

Narrowing your eyes, you snatch a watergun from a shelf, and spray it at his legs.

"What the hell?! Come on!" He leaps away from the stinging holy water, and you turn back. Satisfaction practically dripping off of you as you pull on an oversized sweater that falls down to mid thigh. Tugging out of your leggings, you throw them over with your shirt in the corner, and slide on a pair of shorts.

You flop down onto your makeshift bed, pulling aside the covers as Belphegor strips of his shirt and jeans, leaving himself in only his boxers as he drops down the pile of blankets a few feet away from yours. Rolling over under your thin blanket to face him, you watch as he pulls up a blanket to cover only up to his navel.

"Do you even need to sleep? Or is it just an instinctual thing?" The question slips out of your mouth before you can stop it, and your mouth quickly snaps shut right after that. Not knowing why you asked such a question.

Belphegor looks over to you from where he's laying on his back, and thinks for a moment before nodding slowly. "Yeah. I guess it kinda just feels right to sleep you know? I don't actually know if I need to sleep because I've never tried not sleeping." He closes his eyes, and leans his head back to face the ceiling. Removing his sunglasses and reaching up to place them on a chair.

You however, are starting to get cold. Most of the people here either had someone else to stay close to for warmth, or was buried under extra blankets in a more crowded room. With only you and Belphegor in the room, you can feel the chill seeping through the blankets on the floor, and settle into you. A shiver wracks your form as you pull the blankets closer, and curl up into a ball. Cloing your own eyes, you manage to slip into sleep after a few minutes, but from there, things only got worse.

Only an hour later, through your nightmare you manage to hear someone calling your name, and you inwardly scream out again. Hoping that someone would wake you up already. You had already tried praing to Castiel, but seeing as you still weren't awake, you assumed he couldn't hear you.

The ghost from a few days ago had managed to do something to you, and now it plagues your nighmares. The first two nights you had thought it was just any regular nightmare, but after waking up with unexplanable bruises, you realised that something wasn't right.

Now you're running again. Trying to escape the ghost of a man as he cackles and follows behind you.

"Belphegor! Castiel! Someone please! Wake me up!" Your throat feels raw, and you eventually just curl into a corner, having no where else to run. Screwing your eyes shut, you wait with shaky breaths as the laughter draws near, and clench your fists.

"-N! Y/N Damnit why won't you wake up!?" Hearing a voice outside your dream, you prepare yourself to yell out to Belphegor again, but before you can, you feel an odd tingling sensation run through your body, stemming from your mouth. Suddenly, Belphegor appears in front of you, eyes scanning your nighmare to find the ghost standing a few feet away with a sharp, bloody knife.

"Stay away." He steps towards the ghost, noticing your form huddled in the corner. "From my girl." He lunges forwards, colliding with a ghost much more solid then he had expected, and he pushes it back. Seeing a fireplace in the room adjacent to the one he's currently in, he punches the ghost square it it's annoyingly solid face, before flashing over to grab an iron poker. But the demon drops it with a hiss, realising that it's salt infused.

"Smart..." He mutters under his breath before grabbing a blanet from the couch, ripping off a piece of fabric and using that to cover his hand as he grabs the poker. Darting back over to you and the ghost, he swings the poker with almost all of his strength, sending the spirit flying back into a wall wailing in pain. Belphegor drops the poker, lunging to your sides and grabbing your hands.

"Y/n! Come on you have to wake up." He moves to cup your face in his hands as you look at him in a daze, and you close your eyes, finally feeling safe. The moment that feeling of safety washes over you, the ghost disappears, and Belphegor feels your body waking up.

The demon exits in seconds, not wanting you to be mad at him for possessing you, and you awaken with a cough as your eyes shoot open, just in time to see the last of the black smoke entering his former vessel. Your through tingles, prompting you to cough a few more times as Belphegor jumps to attention. He's by your side in a heartbeat, opening his mouth to speak, but you shush him, pulling him down onto the blanket and wrapping your arms tightly around his midsection. The demon stiffens. Not quite used to gentle touches. Neverless, he leans back and slides under the covers beside you. He knows he's pressing his luck, but right now he just wants to sure you're alright.

"Thank you." Your voice is muffled as you speak into his bare chest, and Belphegor pulls your blankets back up over the two of you, rolling onto his back and pulling you with his so that you rest on top of him. One of his hands tangles in your hair, the other rubbing circles on your back.

"No problem. I've gotta take care of my partner don't I?" Something in his chest churns at his own words, and he closes his eyes tightly as if to repel the thought. "Go back to sleep. It's still dark out and I'm here now. I'll keep you safe." He relaxes against the blankets on the floor, feeling the comforting weight of you on his chest as you snuggle closer, and he grits his teeth. "That bastard will die by my hands I swear."

The next morning you're awoken by soft breathing and the faint scent of sulfur. The blankets under you are deliciously warm, and you smile as you cuddle closer against them. Only to shriek in suprise when you hear a sleepy mumble of your name as feel two arms around your waist tighten. You stiffen as your eyes snap open, to see bare skin against your cheek, and beel the body under you rise with a shuttering breath.

Lifting your head, your eyes are met with the face of Belphegor, and the events of last night play through your mind.

"Everything okay in there? We hear a scream." Sam's voice from outside the door makes you heave a sigh of relief. Knowing that he won't just barge in, you take a hot minute to assess the situation before replying.

"Yeah sorry. I think a mosquito landed on my neck or something it just suprised me!" Sam leaves the hallway from the other side of the door, and you feel the deep vibrating chuckle rumble from Belphegor's upper stomach to your chest as you realise he's awake. Of course the fact that he doesn't have functional eyes doesn't exactly help with figuring that out.

"Let go of me damnit we need to go." You squirm in his grasp, but he only smirks, pulling you up a little to bury his nose in your hair.

"Just five more minutes. I've finally got you where I want you and I don't want this to end." He mumbles softly against your hair as you feel yourself growing red, and you try to twist around your head to face him.

"Belphegor come on... What are you, human? You're not acting very demon like" Struggling more in his grasp, he growls, the sound making you freeze as he flips the two of you over. Suddenly, with him hovering over you, you don't feel like moving anymore, and as his head draws closer to yours, you find yourself clenching your eyes shut and moving your hands to press against his chest.

"I said. Five more minutes." He lowers himself onto you. Remarkably careful not to hurt you as he settles comfortably between your legs. His chin rests against your shoulder, his softs breathing tickling the skin of your neck and making goosebumps arise.

The demon smirks as he feels you shiver, letting his forearms hold him up as he hovers over you, and he slowly, ever so gently brushes his lips over the exposed skin of your shoulder as your hoodie is pushed to the side by one of his hands.

"Would you rather I act differently? The things I could do to you right here, right now would certainly convince you that I am plenty demon like." His voice is low as he breathes on your shoulder, his head moving slowly so that his lips are just barely brushing against your neck, and a whimper catches in your throat as his lips meet the warm skin of your neck. He doesn't go easy on you when he starts. His mouth bruising against your skin as he lets one hand roam up your side to twine his fingers in your hair and pull your head to the side, giving himself better access to your supple skin.

"I could take you right here, right now babygirl." With each word spoken, he grinds his hips against yours, making you gasp and arch your back as you feel him press against you. "But like you said," Belphegor pulls away from your neck, his lips just almost touching yours as he leans back over you. "We have things to do, and my five minutes are up." With that said, he flashes you a lazy grin, before rolling off of you, and standing up.

Belphegor hums against your skin as you twist your fingers into his hair and give a light tug, his lips leaving a trail of hickies in their wake as he works his way up your neck.

Epilogue

Raindrops streak against the windows as you sit silently in the livingroom. Your eyes are unfocused, the television playing on mute across from the couch as you sit in silence. Jack and Castiel are in your guest rooms, either resting or planning, you're not quite sure yet. Hearing soft footsteps, you assume Jack has come downstairs, and you pull your knees up to your chest as you keep your head turned to the window.

"Hey." Your voice is soft, and you avoid looking over. Knowing that seeing the nephilim would only mack your heart ache even more. You get only a soft hum from him as he sinks into the plush cushion of the couch next to you. Feeling his eyes on you, you finally gance over, keeping your gaze locked on his hands instead of looking at his face as he opens his mouth to speak.

"Castiel said I should ask you to sleep with me tonight." Your breath hitches in your throat as you hear his uncertain voice, and you slowly look up to his face as he continues. "I've been having trouble staying asleep, and he said that you might be able to help with that."

The thought of being so close to Jack makes your heart ache, especially knowing that he won't ever be Belphegor again. You slowly nod your head yes. Praying that it'll get easier.

That night as you lie down on the soft sheets next to Jack, and he pulls the covers over you, you can't help but try to imagine him as Belphagor.

His arms hesitantly circle your waist, and as he pulls you against his chest, you close your eyes, picturing Belphegor's cocky smirk and confident hands. As Jack rests his chin against the top of your head, you find yourself unknowingly relaxing, pretending that he's Belphegor is making this much easier then you had thought. That or you were just more lonely then you had thought.

As you drift into sleep, you hear a quiet 'thank you', and then you're out like a light. The feeling of Jack's arms around you make you slip into a pleasant memory of the first time you and Belphegor had shared the bed.

Something disturbs your sleep halfway through the night. A chill in the air making goosebumps rise on your arms as you scrunch up your face and press closer to Jack for warmth.

"Y/n?"

"S'nothing Jack. M' just cold." Your reply is almost instant, and for a moment you don't even realise that the voice didn't come from behind you. But once it sinks in, your eyes snap open.

There. Right in front of you on your side of the bed, stands Belphegor. His eyes are trained on you, his gaze sharp as his mouth curves up into that oh so familiar grin.

Your eyes glisten with unshed tears as you see the flickering form of Belphegor standing by your bedside. He's still using Jack's body even when dead, and he offers you a soft smile.

"Hey gorgeous."

You find yourself pulling out of Jack's arms, who frowns at the loss of contact and reaches out in his sleep to try and pull you back. Eyes darting between the two, you slide off the bed, and slowly approach Belphegor's fading body.

"How are you here? This doesn't feel like a dream." Reaching out, you brush your fingertips over his cheek, and flinch as you feel him. Solid, but cold.

His hand comes up, his own fingers wrapping around your wrist and pulling you closer to his chest."I don't know. But I'm not wasting this time." His other hand comes up to cup your cheek, and although you know that Jack could wake up at any moment, you find yourself leaning into his touch. Your eyes close as Belphegor's cool fingers glide over your skin, feeling his grip on your wrist loosen as the corner of his mouth quirks up into a smile. "Fuck, I missed you babygirl."

Belphegor wraps one arm around your waist, pulling you flush against him as he leans down to connect his mouth with yours. Hands moving by themselves, you quickly find your fingers tangling in his hair as you feel a single tear escape your right eye. His mouth is soft yet demanding on yours, his lips slightly warmer then his fingertips, which are grazing gently over the exposed skin of your waist.

Your mouths part, and he wipes the tear from your cheek. Shaking your head, you press closer to the demon, leaning the side of your face on his chest and wrapping your arms tightly around his waist. "I missed you too. So, so much." His fingers stroke your hair, and he presses his lips to the top of your head.

"I know." His body flickers again before resolidifying, and you hesitantly pull away.

"If this is a dream, I really want to wake up now. I don't-" You pause, reconsidering your words, and looking up to meet his eyes. "- I can't, lose you again." Stiffling a sob, you watch as he frowns, one hand moving back towards your face.

"I didn't want to leave you Y/n. You know that right?" Belphegor cups your cheek in his hand once again, wiping away another tear as it trickles down your cheek, and looking over your shoulder to see Jack still asleep.

He considers his options. If he were to try and leave with you, the Winchesters, Castiel and Jack would definately find you both and kill him. But he could be with you again. He can't repossess Jack, as the boy is alive again and would be able to overpower him, and he doesn't particularly want to find a different vessel. His gaze falls to Jack, who is stil asleep on the bed, and something within him solidifies.

"Are you two..." Belphegor makes a vague gesture, and you quickly shake your head.

"He chases away the nightmares, and I help him fall asleep." You reach forwards once again, connecting your hands with his as you lean your forehead back onto his chest.

"That was supposed to be my job." He reminds you with a grin, and you suddenly wish he had escaped hell sooner to find you.

With a small smile of your own you look up to his eyes, now in death having been restored so that he can properly see. Jack's face stares back down at you, wearing an expression that the nephilim never would. Reaching up, you pull him down to press a lingering kiss to his cheek.

"I'll see you tomorrow night. Now get back into that bed before the nephilim wakes up and sees me." With that said, Belphegor turns your face to kiss your lips properly, and as he finally fades from view, you get to see his eyes staring back into yours before fluttering shut, to be opened the next night in your dreams.

[jiminshoney]

Where You Belong (Part 3)

Word Count: 10,773

Warnings: language, cheating, brief mentions of black mirror’s black museum episode (spoiler ig if you haven't seen it?), a cliffhanger, and angst but you knew that

[ tumblrs a jack*ss and links are broken, pls check my blog to catch up on the first three parts ]

Your body betrays you by waking you up agonizingly early, before your alarm has rung and before the sun has even had a chance to rise. The glaring numbers on your phone reveal that it’s barely 5 AM. You groan into the cushions beneath you, frustrated because you have to be at work in three hours and you were just robbed of a potentially meaningful last hour of sleep.

Opening a single eye to look back at the device’s bright screen, you can’t ignore the top notifications which continue to blink and beg for your attention. 15 missed calls and a somewhat impressive 28 unread texts all from Jungkook. It’s more than he sent in the month alone.

Your first thought is to ignore them, you want to ignore him, it’s too early to even think about processing what he has to say or replaying last night’s events. A sharp pain spreads through your chest, stretching until it meets your rib cage where there lies an almost forgotten void. There’s always those few seconds the morning after something terrible has happened, a moment of ignorant bliss, until your mind and heart remember and everything hurts again. The ache reminds you why last night went the way it did.

You don’t know that you can handle whatever he has to say, though you are curious...

Curious if someone who’s still in love and terrified of losing their girlfriend sends 28 texts and calls 15 times. Is that what it meant? Was he scared, desperate, remorseful? Or did he only offer a pathetic apology in twenty-something streams of the word sorry?

Driven by curiosity, you press a thumb to unlock your phone and open all the unread messages from last night.

From: jungkook♥ [5:19 PM]

Y/N

Can we please talk about this?

can you jus t come back please??

From: jungkook♥ [5:21 PM]

hello?

Y/N please answer

From: jungkook♥ [5:22 PM]

please pplease please

From: jungkook♥ [5:27 PM]

Where did you go

????

Im outside just tell me where you are

From: jungkook♥ [5:30 PM]

If not can tou answer?

Please answer the phone

From: jungkook♥ [5:32 PM]

fuck

Hello? Where did you go

Tell me where you are

From: jungkook♥ [5:33 PM]

Its fine if you decide to hate me for the rest of your life btu let me talk to yo about this first

Just give me a chance to explain everything

I mean there is no excuse but i wanna talk about this

From: jungkook♥ [5:35 PM]

pick up!!

From: jungkook♥ [5:37 PM]

I am begging you rn justsay something

Im outside, Please?

From: jungkook♥ [5:40 PM]

If its too soon i get it just  let me see you for a second

If its too soon just tell me

but atleast tell m where you are?

From: jungkook♥ [5:45 PM]

Do you want the apartment? I’ll leave nd get a hotel

From: jungkook♥ [5:50 PM]

???

ffs just let me know you’re safe ok?

Please thats it

From: jungkook♥ [9:36 PM]

I love you y/n. Whenever you see this, you don’t have to call me back jus let me know that you’re somewhere safe alright?

  “You love me? Right.” After a click of your tongue you chuck the phone back onto the table. Out of sight, out of mind, you think with a throw of the blanket over your head.

His messages didn’t offer any relief, all they’ve done is overwhelm and mildly irritate you because he acts as if you at least owe him the status of your location and quite frankly- you don’t owe him shit.

How dare he act worried about you and have the nerve to type out that disingenuous four-letter word like- I know you just found out my coworker sucked my dick but goodnight, love you. The audacity! Why should you have to tell him where you ran off to when he cheated on you and hid it for a week? Oh so well, as one may add, because there hadn’t been a sliver of suspicion. Had Taehyung not even been a factor, would he have ever told you? It’s unlikely and no one will ever know. It’s possible that he may have after much much time had passed, so maybe you’ll possibly tell him that you are in the safe confines of someone-who-actually-loves-you’s home… after much much time, of course.

All of this quickly reminds you that you don’t have any of your things. Your hygiene products, clean work clothes, fresh underwear, makeup, etc. You didn’t even have your purse after abruptly leaving your apartment.

A frustrated groan escapes you because now you must figure out how you’ll properly get ready for work the way you normally do. The last thing you wanted was to go back and run into Jungkook. Some days he left bright and early at 5:30 AM and you can take your chances and hope it’s one of those mornings, but it could just as likely be a day he’s decided to sleep in until 8. His app is finished so he shouldn’t have any standing reason to go in early, if not for the fact that he missed nearly a week of work, so he may. The odds were 50/50, it’s better to not risk it.

There’s also the option to call out of work, to stay in and sulk until an hour that he absolutely couldn’t be home, pack all your things and run away to a small town where nobody knows you until things get better. While tempting, you’re realistic and know that you cannot just uproot your life because you’re sad. The mere thought of having to go out and put on a brave face in front of the world today while you felt broken inside was tiring in itself, but sulking seemed exhausting. It wouldn’t make you feel any better, so you might as well go on like it’s any other work day. You could just shower here, pull your hair in a bun, stop at a Target for clothes and other necessities on the way and everything would be fine. At least you’d be able to busy your mind with something other than the fact the love of your life shit on a three year relationship for another woman no less.

-----

Around 9 AM, your work phone rings loudly against the desk. It sends your heart racing into a frenzy because the only person who ever called was your boss, and she only called for impromptu staff meetings or more specifically- to fire someone.

“Y/N~” To your surprise, the lobby receptionist’s voice sings at your pickup.

“Hyerin, good morning!” You smile, thankful that you aren’t losing your job too.

“You have a guest down here waiting for you.”

“What..?”

Your poor heart doesn’t get a chance to relax, there was only person who came to visit you at work. A person who shouldn't be visiting you right now.

“Mhmm! He brought you coffee~!”

“He?” Your jaw clenches, there could be no way. Jungkook could not be ridiculous enough to show up to your job first thing in the morning. He specifically said he understood if it was too soon for you! Why is he doing this?  “I-- tell him I’m not in today!”

“He would know I’m lying!” Her hushed voice scratches against the receiver, tickling your eardrums uncomfortably.

“Then tell him I’m busy.”

“But he’s being so patient,” She says, her once melodious voice becoming sympathetic. “Shall I have him wait a few minutes?”

“Just tell him I don’t wanna see him, okay?”

“Oh but Y/N! I said he brought you coffee! Don’t be impolite and just come down, okay?”

Her end briefly goes silent before the endless dial tone beeps to indicate she’s hung up before you could utter another excuse. You mentally curse her because her greatest quality is that she’s the kindest person on earth, but her worst quality is that she’s the kindest person on earth and can’t tell unwanted guests to go away. In her defense, she doesn’t know that your boyfriend has been unloyal and you have a very valid reason for not wanting to see him.

On the way downstairs you are fully prepared to pour coffee over Jungkook’s head and curse him out for showing up to your place of work uninvited under the current circumstances. It’s disrespectful and he’s crossing a line by being here, you couldn’t wait to send him on his way. He couldn’t force you to talk if you didn’t want to. Though, that reaction would surely cause a scene. You will instead kindly let him know he’s being unprofessional and ask him to leave.

You practice the words again and again, it’s a must in order to not break the moment you face him. After all, the last time you saw him you were a bawling mess with mascara smearing on your fingertips and telling him you hated him while feeling like you might pass out. You couldn’t be the weak one this time.

Walking down the hall from the elevator your heart is still racing but you feel a sense of confidence even if it’s mild and fake, you’re just ready to get it over with. He’s leaning up against the front desk, distracted in a conversation with Hyerin as you approach. Heart thumping, the back of his head becomes clearer, strands of ash brown hair…

Your feet freeze against the marble flooring, “Taehyung?”

He swiftly turns at the sound of your voice, shoulders visibly relaxing when his eyes land on you. “Hey!” He pauses to turn, grabbing two concealed drinks off the edge of the reception desk, and closing the gap as he walks to you. “You left without saying anything.”

You should feel relieved but your mind and body hadn’t aligned, heart still shaken up over thinking he would be someone else. “Y-yea… I’m sorry. I left you a note, it was really early.”

“Oh! My fault, I didn’t see it. I came to make sure you’re okay.” He quirks a brow, letting you know his statement is indeed a question.

Not well given everything that’s happened, but that’s obvious. It wasn’t lunch time yet so it was possible in a few hours you’d be ready to slam your head into a wall but you’ve survived so far.

“I’m fine, Tae.”

His lips fall to an exaggerated frown, he is unconvinced and unimpressed by your attempt to not even sound dry. “How are you really, Y/N?”

You sigh, he would not be Taehyung if he didn’t at least try to get more from you. “Well… I’ve already cried once at my cubicle, I’m wearing $3 concealer that does nothing for the bags under my eyes, I have a minor headache and I just nearly had a heart attack because I thought you were Jungkook but other than that I’m okay, really.”

“You cried?”

You open your mouth to speak but get caught on an answer. Maybe you shouldn’t have slipped that part out not only because it’s embarrassing but now he’d just worry more than you knew he was. But it’s too late and the confession was made.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

A month or so after Jungkook you’d also gotten a job, specifically the one you had now. Like Jungkook it wasn’t at all what you wanted to do. The first few weeks after graduating were hard, all of the places you really wanted to work just weren’t calling back or would immediately send the dreaded thanks but no thanks email. Your mom had forced you to stop being so nit picky and apply wherever you could, passively sending you links to job openings she would spot online herself. Eventually you scored a job in the corporate world- lucky enough to make a decent amount of money, get home early, and not work weekends. Not so fortunately, you were stuck in some boring entry-level position in a finance department. It was the last thing on earth you wanted to be doing but you’d felt obligated to take it because up until that point your parents were helping with rent and other money related responsibilities.

The only person who really knew how you felt back then was Jungkook. At first you claimed it was different, like you’d said to him then, at least he was doing something related to his dream career. But no, really, he got it. He understood the fear you had of not being able to move away from this, the weight of life’s responsibilities, the overwhelming desire to just do what the hell you were passionate about, he knew it all too well.

On your first day of work he printed one of the hundred-something selfies you two had taken on graduation day and bought a frame for you to prop on your desk. He’d told you not to peak and to assemble it once you got to work, obviously you didn’t and couldn’t resist temptation, and the surprise was a short note he wrote on the back.

Baby, Congrats !!!

I know you’re not excited but I will be excited for you because I’m really proud of you still. You always remind me that bad days are temporary when I complain about work, ha ha, I want to remind you that too. I know nothing is perfect right now, a lot of things suck, but you still have me. I look forward to the future because I still have you. We may not have our dream jobs but we have each other so hopefully we can live our dream life soon. Just hang in there!

I love you more than anything  - Jungkook

You couldn’t stop grinning the first time you’d read it. It was hard to find the words to say to him, hard to express your gratitude and how thankful you were you had him, you could only text him and say I love you so very much and that was enough for him.

Seeing that photo of your younger selves first thing in the morning was aggravating to say the least. You’d immediately slammed the frame down, picking at the back to take the pieces apart, intentions to tear the picture in half. But when you yanked it free from the slot and blue ink came to vision, you paused and read what he’d written less than a year ago. Tears were brimming before you realized. You didn’t have the guts to rip up the picture then, instead you shoved it in one of your drawers to be forgotten until you stumble upon it another day.

Taehyung looks at you worriedly, and it’s the same look he gave you yesterday before he turned your world upside down. A look you can now identify as the I-have-bad-news look.

“I saw Jungkook on my way here.”

“Okay?”

“He asked me if I’d heard from you.”

“Oh God... Taehyung please don’t tell me you told him I spent the night at your place.”

“I told him.”

“Why!? Why would you do that!?”

Hyerin’s only a few feet behind him, so as her head turns and her prying gaze briefly catches your eyes you glance around the two of you quickly, checking that no one else heard your brief outburst.

“I- I didn’t realize- I don’t know? I’m sorry?”

Taking a deep breath in you close your eyes to calm yourself. You don’t mean to yell at him, he hasn’t done anything wrong or gone against verbalized wishes. You know this. You’re just on edge, emotional, and you didn’t want Jungkook to know where you were.

“Is it because it’s me? You didn’t want him to know you were with me?” He asks.

“What? Taehyung, oh my God, no! It’s not about you.” You try not to raise your voice anymore, though you were sure you were probably scowling at him, annoyed with his assumptions.

“Forget I asked.” He’s good at keeping his voice level, manages to not react after you, but you can tell he’s just as annoyed with you when a muscle tenses in his jaw. “Which one do you want?”

He raises the two drinks in his hands, one’s holding a clear plastic cup with dark liquid chilled over ice, and in the other he has a large paper cup, presumably the same dark liquid but hot. It’s a harsh reminder that you’re being snappy with the wrong person. No matter how irritable you were, he didn’t deserve the back end of it. All he did was give to you, even now when you keep being rude to him.

“Tae, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s okay.”

“No, I’m sorry. I just got upset because… I’m not ready to talk to Jungkook and I don’t want him knowing where I am.”

“If you’re worried he’s gonna pop up on you, I don’t think it’s like that. He seemed really worried and I think he wanted to know you’re safe.”

Yeah, you think, that’s exactly what he said.

You finally take the hot coffee from his hand, finding a way to divert the conversation away from Jungkook.

“Thank you for this.”

“Of course. I have to leave soon. I’m shooting this guy for his acting portfolio. Then my friend is working a fashion shoot afterwards and invited me to help so I’m not sure when I’ll be done. I wanted to give you this.” With his free hand he reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a shiny gold key. “Just got it copied.”

He smiles widely, giggling as you hesitantly take the key into your own hand. You don’t know why he’s gushing about this but it has butterflies floating in your stomach.

“Is this to your apartment?”

“Where else? I mean- this isn’t me asking you to be my roommate but... I wanted you to have somewhere to go even if I’m not home.”

“Tae! You didn’t need to go copy a whole key I- I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything.”

-----

Taehyung’s apartment is empty when you get there after work, and while it’s not surprising because he did say he had work you still feel disappointed. Leaving work you were eager to get some alone time, but not like this.

All your coworkers actually showed up today, and being that it was the day after New Year’s, everyone wanted to talk about how great their New Year went. The universe was making a mock out of you, you were sure of it. A few of the girls priorly knew about your plans with Jungkook and had hopeful heart eyes as they asked about the cruise, and while the actual night was fine, yesterday was not something you even wanted to think about.

You’d always find a way out, excusing yourself to go make copies or apologizing because “I really need to finish writing this report.” Your sweet coworkers, they understood. Saying, “Right, I need to respond to a few emails” before running back to their own cubicles and leaving you alone. That is until a new question popped in their mind that’d have them strolling back over.

You were the only woman in your office with a standing long-term relationship, they all loved to live vicariously through you while struggling with their own love lives. You knew you’d break their hearts when you’d finally have to tell them the truth. At least for today, you omitted that bit of the story. Not only for their sake, but also for yours. It’s embarrassing to say the least.

You’re not sure yet what it says about you to be someone who got cheated on. Will people wonder what you did to push him that far? Will they pity you? Will they figure you must be a bad girlfriend and did something wrong?

Did you do something wrong?

Making your way to the kitchen you decide to scavenge Taehyung’s fridge for something to eat. Your stomach started grumbling a few hours ago after you made the silly choice of skipping lunch. Looking back, you’re not sure why you did because the persistent headache you’ve had since morning is likely due to the fact that you haven’t ate anything. Unfortunately for you and your pain his fridge is empty of anything edible, only stocked with a carton of milk, a pack of bottled water and a single bottle of wine.

“How do men survive like this?” You mutter, deciding to at least continue to hydrate your organs if you couldn’t feed them. You slump onto a chair at his small dining table thinking, Jungkook’s fridge would also look like that if it weren’t for me.

Across from you, his shiny macbook seems to wave hello, and beyond that you notice his camera bag is on the chair. If his camera is here then he can’t be at a photo shoot right now. Unless his friend told him not to bring it, then again why would you tell a photographer not to bring their camera? It’s possible he’s already been home, but you haven’t a clue where he’d be now.

The laptop shimmers in the light, begging for your attention once more, quietly reminding you about the interesting contents it holds.

“I know.” You grumble aloud. More to yourself because you are aware it’s an inanimate object that can’t actually communicate and it’s your own conscious taunting you. Yes, the pictures, I know.

The tempting voice asks if you’re even a little bit curious, if there’s a small part of you that wants to know what Taehyung saw in Jungkook that night? How he knew it before you, how he knows when he doesn’t even really know. It’s in the pictures like he’d said, and you could easily pass your fingertips over the smooth surface, you could open the lid, you could see for yourself.

But wouldn’t that be an invasion of privacy? Snooping through his laptop while he’s not even here just to see the way Jungkook interacts with some girl feels selfish and wrong. He probably has a lock on there anyway.

Oh but dear, the laptop says, he wanted you to see them after all! You could look through his camera, they might still be there. Taehyung wouldn’t mind at all! You should check!

It’s tempting, you think back, but I don’t know…

Don’t you wanna see the face of the woman who he found room in his heart for?

The words are way too personal, a blatant throw back of Jungkook’s confession. Another reminder that you definitely aren’t talking to a laptop and this is just conflicting dialogue in your own head.

Maybe there is a part of you that wants to know. It’ll probably hurt but you won’t stop wondering if you never look. Even just once.

You move from one seat to the other, placing his bag onto the table carefully. You’re gentle as you pull the Canon from it’s compartment, the weight of it shifting into both palms reminds you that if you do anything wrong your friend just might kill you because this baby costs (literal) thousands.

Thankfully, as the camera comes to life his, presumably, last photo taken appears on the small square screen which means you don’t have to press a million buttons just to find what you’re looking for. You scroll through the first photos, dozens of group shots of people wearing different hot pink garments, wondering briefly what the photo shoot was for. Eventually you land on close up photos of a younger guy, the head shots for Taehyung’s friend, you’re close. Until finally, there’s a photo of an older man and woman holding two thumbs up, the festive backdrop giving away they’re at a holiday party.

This is it.

You take a moment before continuing to scroll, preparing yourself mentally because you aren’t sure when you will finally land on a picture of the two in search, but you will reach them and when you do, you must contain your emotions.

It’s fine, it’ll be fine.

Moving on, you’re slower this time, carefully scanning each passing photo to be sure not to miss Jungkook. The first few ones, or rather last several, are group shots with the same old man as before, until they become more candid.

The first time you spot him, he’s in the background giving some guy a hug.

There’s another photo of him at a table, not alone, but not speaking to anyone. He’s completely unaware that he’s being captured in the background which makes his oblivious doe-like daze a little adorable. He’s so cute, you think. Also oblivious to the smile that’s perked on your lips.

That is until you skip to the next photo and noticeably feel it drop when you finally see her. Somehow, you just know. There’s a second woman in the photo who seems to be talking with her hands, Lia’s smiling and making eye contact, but Jungkook’s eyes are on Lia.

You pass it, moving onto something else. There’s another. This time, they’re the focus of the photo, sitting at a table with another you haven’t met, all engaged in laughter.

You skip a few more, until the next one with them is again in the background. He’s smirking but you can’t see her face because she’s sat at an angle and her hair’s in the way.

The next photo is captured from behind, but you know it’s them because of her red dress and the fact you can recognize Jungkook from any angle by now. One arm around his shoulder and her head leaning into him, what warranted her to come this close?

You pass many, many more photos until you see them again. A posed picture, with the same guy from the laughing one, and like this you can really get a good look at her. You’re not too prideful to admit that she is beautiful and she holds an enticing look in her eyes. Maybe that’s her special feature, but other than that what’s special about her? Past the pretty face and perfect smile, what separates her from you? What was there under her surface? How’d she win over Jungkook?

The next pictures you go through are mostly boring, just photos of everyone at the party eating and conversing. But there’s one common factor in all of them with Lia and Jungkook, he was always looking at her. Most of the time smiling while he did so. And most of that time, she was looking at him too.

There’s something obvious there, that maybe Taehyung also saw, they have a connection. That, even if you hadn’t known him, you would think they had something going on too with all the ridiculous googly eyes. But with that, because you know him, there’s something else you see- That he is absolutely fascinated by her, drawn to her, intrigued. Whatever special thing she possessed, he’s latched onto it and it’s pulled him away from you.

Tears begin to well and you have to set the camera down to wipe them away harshly. It’s annoying, this marks the third time today, and if you let yourself cry now it’ll only worsen your headache into a migraine. You don’t want to cry over him, he doesn’t deserve it. Crying means you care and well, obviously you care. You love him, but he doesn’t deserve that either. Why should you still love him after what he’s done to you?

It’s useless to keep rubbing your eyes, your knuckles pointlessly tug the skin just for them to become wet again. You didn’t want to cry but your body was intent on releasing it’s frustration.

It’s not fair that after so much time together this other person just gets to come in and move his heart- quite literally, like he said, making room inside of it. It’s not fair that just two months ago he said to you he couldn’t see himself with anybody else just to fall for another girl who knows how long after. Maybe it’d happened before he even said it. The fact that he was willing to explore how he felt about her should’ve been a dead giveaway that he was in denial at the time. Maybe you were too.

Could it be that she’s the reason your relationship spiraled in the first place? After he started work that’s when the distance between you two started to extend. There were a lot of other things you thought it could be. You thought he was depressed over the new job, closed off from you because he was closed off to the world. And at the time, you tried your best to be the optimistic one.  You tried to lift his spirits and be encouraging but maybe it wasn’t enough. Where did you go wrong? Where did you fail at making him happy?

Why weren’t you enough?

You desperately want to know what it is about her- what is it that Lia has and you don’t?

Is it all because he felt you weren’t reciprocating his efforts to fix things? Maybe you didn’t try hard enough. You should’ve done more- you should’ve been more affectionate and caring. You should’ve loved him better.

You flinch at the soft thud of the door closing, jumping out of your seat because it’s startled you. It’s just Taehyung, standing there silently with a harsh expression of worry.

“You were crying.” He says plainly, a hint of guilt in his tone.

“No.” You lie, wiping your face once more and forcing a laugh.

He shakes his head as he makes his way to you, setting a white to-go box on the table before standing in front of you.

“You think I’m stupid? Your eyes are red.” His voice is unnecessarily gentle as he cups your face in both hands, thumbs wiping away left over traces of tears. The sound of his voice alone makes your entire chest warm- you hate it. “Also, I saw you.”

“I’m fine.” You push his hands away because his affections are way too much for your weakened heart to handle. He seems displeased. “What’d you get?”

He glances at the table and then back to you. The pierce of his brown eyes makes your lungs constrict, even his gaze is difficult to hold.

“Fried chicken. You saw the pictures?”

“O- y-yea…” You force yourself to look away- if you breathe properly maybe you can talk without sounding like a moron. “I’m really sorry for going through your things I just got curious and I shouldn’t have but that’s-”

“It’s okay, Y/n.” He assures you, “Are you okay?”

Your mouth forms to say yes and he already knows the lie to come, fixing his question before you can.

“I mean you’re not okay. I’m asking if you wanna talk about it.”

“It’s okay.” There were too many layers to uncover, between your emotions and the pictures and your anniversary and what really happened at that party, “It’s a lot.”

He shrugs at your words like they don’t matter, “I’ve got some time. And I’ve got food.”

“Tae-”

“Tell me what’s on your mind.”

“I’m just confused. But I don’t want to ramble and get upset.”

“Why are you confused?”

“I just… I don’t understand Jungkook. I don’t understand why he likes that girl. I don’t understand why I wasn’t good enough.  I don’t understand why he was so good to me if there was someone else, even after what happened, all the way until I found that he fucking let her-” You stop there, unsure what words to use to explain what happened other than the disgusting frank description that was there in your mind. Your stomach was already churning, you couldn’t say it.

“He let her…?”

“They… you know…” You vaguely wave your hands between your bodies, back and forth from the direction of your mouth to his crotch, hoping he caught on to the innuendo and wouldn’t force you to be explicit. He’d already successfully tricked in you into saying more than you originally wanted to.

“Ahh, wow um…” Surprised, he understands, but uncertain with himself if that’s really what you meant. If only he knew just how bad it gets.

“Yes, and I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Alright, alright.” He holds his hands up defensively, letting the topic go at once.

At some point over the last few months he’d stopped being passive and tried harder to pry information out of you when you were being closed off. Not too forcefully, but it was silently appreciated. You’d become grateful for his willingness to listen to whatever was weighing on your mind no matter the topic, it was always followed with thoughtful responses and advice. Now though, it’s a bit more frustrating. Something about this was different. This was not something that was easy to open up about and you wished he would say OK and let it be.

You know there’s an elephant in the room and at some point the healthy thing to do will be talking about it and having that conversation with him, your closest friend, but today wasn’t it.

He makes his way to the farthest side of the table, “Well, I’ll have to eat dinner with you quickly because I have to go check on a tenant downstairs. Their heater isn’t working and as you can imagine in the middle of winter they aren’t happy about it.”

“If you have business to take care of it’s fine. I need to go back to my apartment anyway to grab some things before Jungkook gets home and then find a hotel somewhere.”

“You’re being ridiculous, you don’t need a hotel. And you should at least eat first.”

“It’s okay, I’m not hungry.” Your prolonged headache would beg to differ but you didn’t have much of an appetite anymore. You’re not sure how to respond to his first remark because it’s obvious you don’t have anywhere else to stay. You’d stay here, but only if he offered. You weren’t going to ask since you had no plan and it’d be quite the favor to ask someone to crash at their place for an indefinite period of time. “Ah, also, I don’t have my key… would you mind helping me get in?”

“Not at all.” A moment of silence drags on for a minute too long as he stares at you sadly, worrying his bottom lip, until he speaks up again. “You sure you don’t want to eat something?”

“I’m sure.”

With that, he heads over to the cabinet below the kitchen sink and pulls out of a bulky rectangular safe. Upon unlocking it there’s nearly a hundred keys organized on rows of hooks- a key to every room in the entire complex. He plucks yours straight from the center and then begins to count towards the bottom before he pulls another one.

After locking everything back up and putting it in it’s discreet place he places the keys in your hands silently. One reads 503, the other 705.

“What is this?”

“There’s a furnished room on the top floor. It’s clean, it’s got running water and it’s all yours.”

“Huh?”

“We only use it for tours because it has extra square footage compared to the other one bedrooms- don’t tell anybody that. Also, please do not lose these because if Mr.Lee finds out I’m doing this-”

“I understand!” You sputter, gripping the cold metal tightly. “Thank you, Taehyung.”

He beams at you, “It’s no problem. You still have a key here so don’t feel like you’re not welcome to visit.”

To visit, right, not to stay.

You weren’t going to ask him, no, but you do feel disappointed that he hadn’t offered. And maybe that’s selfish of you to think considering he’s risking his job just to offer you a private place of comfort and here you are wondering why you can’t stay with him.

You can’t help but feel this is his subtle way of getting rid of you, which is fair, your moodiness is probably annoying. Still, he’s being nothing but kind and going out of his way for you, and yet for some reason it’s all making you sad.

-----

It’s been exactly 10 days since you’ve seen Jungkook, which is impressive considering you both return home to the same complex every day and have yet to cross paths. For the first time ever you were thankful for the difference in your schedules, by now assuming that he was likely back to his usual 10 AM to 6 PM shift and that’s why you two hadn’t. But, you’d be a liar if you said you didn’t wish to see him every day.

There were countless times you had to stop yourself from calling him, thinking I just want to see how he’s doing. In the morning, on the way to work, in the evening, on the train, at night- especially at night, especially when you had to lay in bed alone. Other times you instinctively pressed for 5 on the elevator, only remembering you were on the wrong level when the doors opened to familiarity, you would consider for a moment getting off and just going back home, but deep down you knew better than to make that mistake. Your self control was also impressive.

In your own defense, your moments of weakness were absolutely valid, you two had been inseparable since that first day of sophomore year over three years ago, you never went more than two days without seeing each other. Well, that’s not entirely true. There was the winter break before you started dating, and his family’s week long vacation two summers ago, but you still talked every day so it’s not the same.

This last year in particular your lives were built around each other- you freaking moved in together. Every day for a year you woke up and he was there, you went to sleep and he was there, right next to you. Even your body knew that something was missing as it tossed and turned at night, falling asleep had become difficult. Unless you cried, but you tried to minimize that to every other day.

The spacious apartment did not help your loneliness either, you tried to find comfort and treat it like a get away, but really it was unfamiliar and lacked personal touch. You didn’t even feel like a guest in someone else’s home, the space felt outside of reality, outside of your norm.

The only time things didn’t feel so odd were when you were with Taehyung. In his space he provided the consistent comfort you craved. The only problem was that the past week just so happened to be a week he was packed with gig after gig after gig. He’d been very busy with his photography and while he did his best to call you throughout the days and make sure you were simply surviving, the physical time you spent together had dwindled down significantly. Another hard pill to swallow since you’d gotten used to seeing him every day too.

Your loneliness was becoming suffocating.

Thankfully tonight some of the girls from your job made dinner plans that you were included in, which turned into an impromptu trip to a nearby karaoke bar afterwards. It was a nice break away from your usual routine to go out and spend time with friends rather than sitting inside alone on a Friday night. It was also the most you’d laughed all week.

Your plan for when you got back to the apartment complex was to go straight inside, change out of your work clothes, quickly go through your bedtime routine before your mind had a chance to start wandering through every reason you had to be sad, and go to sleep. That all becomes impossible the second you step into 705 and are welcomed by it’s freezing cold draft, it feels like you’ve just stepped back outside into the winter night.

The thermostat claims the heat is on, set to 70 degrees, but the current indoor temperature reads as 42 degrees fahrenheit.

“Jesus Christ, not me.” You groan at the ceiling, letting your bag thump to the ground before bending over to fish for your cell phone.

To: Tae [9:42 PM]

Please tell me you’re home :(

You hold the phone in your hand for a few minutes, waiting for his message to pop up on the screen but his reply is not immediate. You begin to worry because he’s typically a quick responder as long as he’s not working, and though it’s late maybe he was still at a shoot, or he also decided to go out tonight. Either way, you’d have to figure out what to do because there was no way you could sleep in this place tonight.

From: Tae [9:47 PM]

I’m here

Sorry about that I was making tea

what’s up angel?

A-Angel?

You’re not sure that he’s ever called you that before and don’t know where it’s come from and your face may be heating up at the pet name but there’s more important matters at hand.

To: Tae [9:48 PM]

Uhh hate to bother you but… I think the heaters broken

 From: Tae [9:48 PM]

Nooo You’re the third person this week :(

From: Tae [9:49 PM]

I’m sorry, do you wanna sleep here?

Do you even have to ask?

---

When you arrive downstairs moments later he welcomes you in with a tight hug, as if it’s been months since he’s seen you but it’s only been three days. Regardless, the affection is much needed as you’ve been deprived of all physical forms, you feel yourself wanting to reach back out as he pulls away.

“I still have hot water, do you want me to make you some tea?”

“Hm, I’m okay, but thank you.” You were still fairly stuffed from dinner and the several virgin margaritas you enjoyed during karaoke.

Leaving your bags in the living room, you follow his path into the kitchen. Sure enough, there’s a kettle on the counter next to a small box and mug, he moves quickly to clean up the small mess and put things back into their place.

“Well since you’re here, do you want to watch a movie or anything? I think there’s a new episode of that weird sci-fi show you like.”

“First of all if you’re talking about Black Mirror, it’s not weird, but yes there’s a new interactive movie.”

He glances back to roll his eyes at you before dusting scraps into the trash bin. “You made me watch an episode where they trapped someone’s consciousness into a teddy bear… it’s a little weird.”

“There was so much to take away from that episode and that’s still all you talk about!”

When season four had first come out, you and Jungkook nearly finished it within a week, but life got in the way and you never got a chance to finish. One day you decided to just complete the season without him and enjoy the finale with Taehyung who’d never seen the show. You thought it’d be fun, thinking he’d provide insightful commentary, instead, he couldn’t get passed how cruel it was a character couldn’t express sadness beyond “Monkey needs a hug.”

“Would you rather talk about the guy who literally got off on murdering someone?”

“He-- no, please.”

He’s smiling as he walks back over to you and you can’t help but giggle because okay it is kind of weird and maybe you should’ve chosen a different episode to introduce him to but it was still really good!

“I’ll let you show me another episode, preferably one less dark.”

For whatever reason, he pulls your head against his chest to rest his own atop yours and wraps you back into his warmth. This time your heart immediately starts to race, nervous about the random affection, though your arms don’t hesitate to wrap around him either.

“It’s okay, I actually just wanna go to sleep.”

“Oh… okay...” He holds you tighter, sounding a bit disappointed.

You squeeze him back, a way of silently apologizing. You expect him to pull away then, but he doesn't, and neither do you because even with a jumping heart being like this was too comfortable. He was always so warm, and so cuddly, and his clothes always smelled like lavender. Which would confuse your brain at first when you’d get a whiff of him, the light fragrance so contrasting to that of your favorite- a warm blend of citrus notes and amber on Jungkook- but you also adored whatever floral fabric softener Taehyung used because you found it calming. In fact, you could stand here forever because the combination of all he had to offer was that relaxing. So relaxing that you can’t help but ask-

“Tae…” You release your hold so that you can step back and look at him but he doesn’t let you go, only slides his hands to the lower part of your back providing enough space for eye contact, responding with a yes? “Can I… sleep in your bed tonight?”

“I guess so? I don’t mind taking the couch.”

“No, I mean, with you.”

“Uh-” You catch the way his eyebrows almost raise with widening eyes before he can stop the reaction. You worry about the implications of your words.

“Unless it’s weird. Is that weird? I’m sorry.”

“No!” His hands abruptly fall away, swiping at the back of high thighs as he creates room between you two. “Not at all, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’m- it’s just hard sleeping alone, you know?”

“Y-yeah, it’s alright.”

Not long afterwards, after you both had changed and freshened up, you found yourself sitting up in Taehyung’s bed with your back against the wall. It seems silly to you now that you’ve never slept together let alone even stepped foot in his bedroom. But before all this, things were different, and even though you’re only friends it definitely would’ve been inappropriate taking all things into consideration- Taehyung’s feelings, your relationship, maybe even your fleeting non-platonic thoughts about him.

Now, you don’t question it too much, it’s not inappropriate or weird. You’re the only one making it a little weird because you keep thinking about the fact that Taehyung still likes you, or at least you assume so, and that he could use this opportunity to make a move on you. Deep down you know he would never, he’s too respectable for that. Maybe you’d let him- ONLY because you’re vulnerable! He knows that. Which is why he shouldn’t, he’d be taking advantage of that. He won’t, but you still wonder if he will. Even as he rambles on about the earl grey tea his mom bought from Europe, a small yet very expensive Christmas present. There’s a reason why this French tea company is so special, but you wouldn’t know because see, you’re being weird.

How Jungkook would feel about all of this? What’s he up to anyway?

“Y/N? Are you listening to me?”

You’re startled by the sound of your name, but you nod furiously. “Of course, Tae. You were saying your mom and… amazing French company, great story!”

He shakes his head disapprovingly, “That’s how I know you weren’t paying attention. My mom bought the tea in France but it’s a Singaporean company!”

“Oh, see! I was close! I just missed that one little tidbit.”

He squints his eyes at you, knowing you’re telling a tale. Letting out an exaggerated sigh he rotates on his side to face you and props his elbow to rest his head in his palm. “Alright, what’s wrong? Spill the tea. No pun intended.”

“I know you’ll think I’m an idiot but I’m gonna say it. I miss Jungkook.”

“No I won’t!” He sits up fully in bed, seeing that the thoughts that plague you are deeper than he anticipated. He mirrors your image, crossing his legs before reaching to hold both your hands. “First of all you’re not an idiot and I would never think so little of you. It’s okay if you miss Jungkook, it’s expected. You don’t just forget about someone you love overnight or even within a week.”

Was that true, though?

“Why not? He did.”

Whether in the blink of an eye or months before you realized, he’d forgotten about you, forgotten what you meant to him, forgotten what you two had. Or is it that he didn’t love you anymore and that’s what made you so easy to forget?

“Didn’t I already tell you he’s a dumbass?” He grins, but you can’t find it in you to laugh, the insult doesn’t even make you feel the slightest bit better.

He sighs, rubbing his thumbs over the back of your hands. “Can I ask you something?”

You nod.

“Do you want to save your relationship?”

Your hands pull away, not because of him, but almost as if to brace yourself for the weight of reality as you press them into the bed on either side of you. You hadn’t really thought about that, your thought process never got that far. Would Jungkook even want that?

“I don’t know that it's possible. Jungkook told me he likes Lia, and if that’s true, then it’s serious. He isn’t easily swayed by pretty faces.”

Taehyung snorts, “Who said anything about her being pretty?”

Your arch a brow at him, unsure if he’s trying to insinuate something. “Well I saw her, she is pretty but… that’s just it, that's not the point. He actually needs to get to know someone if he’s gonna pursue them. I told you before how in college there were so many girls interested in him and he didn't like any of them. Not even me. Not until he knew me.”

“And now he likes her…”

“Exactly.”

“But that’s not what I asked. Put him aside for a moment and stop thinking about what he feels. What is it that you want?” He asks, pressing a finger into your knee.

What I want? That is still a lot to consider. A lot that you haven’t gone over. You’ve only focused on the current distance between the two of you, and keeping it that way until you felt strong enough to face him. You’ve only gone through past memories, you hadn’t thought of what the future held nor what you wanted it to.

“I don’t know, Tae. It sounds ridiculous but I can’t envision my life without him. The idea of going back to him feels daunting because I don’t know how to forgive him for what he did or how to trust him after this. Or even, how I could allow myself to love him. I don’t have answers but it’s like if I don’t then what? Where do I go and who do I become?”

“You don’t become anyone, if not just a better version of yourself. You don’t need him to have a complete identity.”

“That’s easy for you to say-”

“I know it’s easy for me to say,” His rebuttal is sharp, almost defensive. “No I didn’t just spend the last three years of my life with someone just for them to shit all over our history, but I’m right. You were somebody long before you even met him and you will still be somebody without him, if you choose to let him go.”

“I know that, but it’s not just easy for me to say, okay, bye Jungkook, and go on and be content with being alone.”

“You think you’d be alone?”

“Well, yes?”

It all circles back to what you first said, you can’t envision life without him. Even if you try, there’s nothing there, you, but nothing more. Maybe that should be enough, but that blank image in your mind feels empty, life would be lackluster and dull, something would always be missing.

“That’s not true.” He looks down for a moment, finding a loose string on his comforter to tug on. “You have me.”

At that, and as his eyes finds yours, the air in the room starts to thicken. The statement feels too direct. You know he means that as a reminder of his loyal friendship, you know it’s his way of saying hey I’m here, but it feels like something more.

“As long as I’m alive, you’ll always have me.”

“Hm, like forever.” Your own gaze slips away this time, unable to stop yourself from chuckling at the boundless promise of his words. An older version of you may have believed him, a version of you that believes love is timeless, the version of you with a committed boyfriend. You want to believe him because Taehyung is honest, he wouldn’t say it if he didn’t mean it. But words like this have been spoken truthfully to you before and look where it’s brought you.

“Jungkook and I are not the same.” It’s almost embarrassing how well Taehyung knows you, how spot on he is about what you’re thinking. “There was a point in time Jungkook couldn’t even see you, he didn’t see you then and he doesn’t see you now. Me?” He stops himself, you can tell by his tone that he knows he’s crossing a line again, about to walk past usual boundaries, about to say something he couldn’t have said before today, but he says it anyway. “The way I’ve felt about you has never changed. Every day I still feel what I felt the day I first met you… Even when you’ve confused me, even when you’ve cursed me, even when you’ve pushed me away, even when you defined the line in the sand and made it clear we could never be more than friends, even when you don’t see me… I feel it. So yes, like forever.”

You’re too afraid to look at him because you think you might crack the way you once had months ago, when a flood of emotion for him overtook you, when you considered giving into him.

“And I’m not asking you to- I’m not saying anything other than I’ve come with you this far and… whatever you do, nothing's gonna change.”

You have no words for him, nothing coherent, at least for now. You nearly throw yourself at him, sprouting up from your position on the left side of the bed to wrap your arms around his neck. He reacts quickly, thankfully, because as he falls sideways onto the mattress with a huff you realize you could’ve sent him tumbling backwards to the floor which would’ve been bad for the both of you.

You feel the soft laughter rumble beneath his chest as he tightens his hold around you, “Thank you?”

You’re overwhelmed with both gratitude and frustration, so much so that you think you could cry. How did you get so damn lucky to have this man in your life? It wasn’t fair. Logically, and karmically, it was not fair. Even as he said and listed reasons he’s had to pull back, to change his mind, to drop you, he hasn’t. He genuinely loves and supports you unconditionally and you don’t know how the hell that happened or why but there’s one thing you are certain of.

You are more than lucky, you are blessed to have Taehyung. And you hope that this friendship is eternal because you can’t imagine having to lose him too.

----

“Do you remember the first time we ate here?”

“Of course I do.”

You’d spent the first half of your Saturday lounging in bed, or rather Taehyung’s bed, all by yourself because he’d had an early morning shoot for… something you don’t remember because you were half asleep when he’d said. You’d stayed that way for a while, grumpily, because you were starving and too lazy to go out and eat and too stubborn to order delivery. By lunch time when your hunger hit peak aggravation you sent him a very aggressive text message in all caps to PLEASE BUY SOME FUCKING GROCERIES YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE BREAD. He promptly responded with a slew of laughing emojis, then letting you know he was already ten minutes away and to meet him downstairs.

He’d taken you the short walk to the taco truck around the corner, the very first place you hung out, a very telling choice after what he said last night.

“You never did thank me for showing you the best taco place in town.” He flicks at his bangs dramatically, turning a shoulder to you in faux offense.

“That’s because it’s not. I mean, it’s good but my favorite is this restaurant up north.”

“Why have you never taken me then?”

“They closed down last summer.”

“Must not have been too good.” He looks at you pointedly, flicking at his silky strands once more. You raise a fist, pretending like you might hit him, though you’re laughing at his obnoxiousness.

“I promise, you would’ve loved it.”

Just then, a lady pokes her head out from the wide window, calling your name for your order. Taehyung is first to run over and grab the small bag, though you take it back from him, offering to carry it on the walk back.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“What was your first impression of me?”

“Oh…” His question comes as a surprise, but you don’t think much of it, reflecting back to the day last spring. The very first time you met. “I thought you were very polite.”

“What about the first time we ate back there?”

“Well,” That question takes a little bit more digging. You have to remember the things you talked about that night, how you felt, how he seemed. “You seemed so… so… normal. Like, before that, I guess I kind of put you on a pedestal, I don’t know. You just seemed so composed and confident and like you had everything together but then we talked and you opened up to me and it was like ah, we’re not so different. It was refreshing.”

You look over to him and smile, he smiles, but he keeps his gaze towards to concrete as you continue up the block.

“Why do you ask? What was your first impression of me?”

“That you were the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen.”

You instantly stop in your tracks, it takes him a second to register but when he does the balls of his feet scratch against the gravel as he turns around.

“Stop it.” You say, squinting your eyes suspiciously at him because why is he trying to flirt and joke around right now it’s making me blush! “Tell me.”

“That’s it?” Even his eyes frown at you, confused why you won’t accept his answer.

You roll your eyes and push past him, taking a right at the corner as you continued ahead. His legs are long so it doesn’t take anything of him to catch up, and he asks why you don’t believe him.

“I thought you were attractive but I gave you a better answer than that.”

“Wait-” He takes a few skips to jump in front of you, forcing you to come to another stop as he blocks the way. “You thought I was attractive?”

“What? I said you were handsome.”

“No, you said attractive.” He says, wiggling his eyebrows.

Oh my God, did I?

“I- it doesn’t matter, it’s basically the same thing.”

You step right, he steps left, you step left, he steps right, refusing to let you go around while he dons a ridiculous smirk that you try really hard not to look at.

“What!”

“Don’t you wanna know my first impression?”

“...yes.”

“Don’t judge me.” He points a finger at you, waiting on your nod before he continues, tucking his hand back into his coat pocket. “When we were standing in the elevator together, my heart was beating so fast because I was so nervous, but I thought you were mean! You kept giving me short answers and you glared at me when I was just trying to be helpful!”

“Come on, you asked me where I lived, give me a break.”

He giggles, “I was just nervous and talking out of order. But then you relaxed after I told you who I was, and you even laughed at something I said and…”

“And…?”

“I felt really warm. My heart, my insides,” One hand moves from the left side of his chest then down to his abdomen. You can see that he hesitates, biting on the corner of his lip nervously, but he looks back to you and sees the harsh expression on your face. “It’s stupid.” He forces a laugh and continues to walk home. You’re only about 10 yards away, the front entrance is visible not far beyond him.

He’s misread your reaction, misunderstood your furrowed expression. You weren’t frowning at him because of judgement or because you thought it was stupid, you were frowning out of pure confusion because he’d described the same feeling he’s given to you.

And it was so simple, such a simple feeling, a simple word. But, warm, yes, you understood. You felt it too that very first day, you felt it the first time you hung out. You feel it when he looks at you, when he talks, when he hugs you, just being next to him in itself was like sitting by a fire. You were never sure what it was or what it meant, you never looked too much into it, but if the sentiment was mutual shouldn’t you tell him you feel it too?

You run ahead to catch up, he’s still standing outside the door, presumably waiting for you to go inside.

Taehyung had said before that you always know what to say, but you disagree. Maybe when it comes to uplifting others kind words come naturally, but you aren’t good with words themself, at least not when it comes to sharing and expressing your emotions.

That is precisely why you cup his face into your hands as he turns to you, unbothered by the tacos that get smushed somewhere between your arm and his chest, raising onto the balls of your feet and pulling him down the distance you couldn’t close to press your lips into his.

You’re not entirely sure why you’re kissing Taehyung, or rather you can’t explain why. It’s impulsive but it feels right as that familiar feeling overtakes your entire chest, replacing the vacant ache you’d grown accustomed to over the last week and a half and overwhelming you with so much desire for more. And at first, he gives in to you. His gentle hands find your hips, head turning as his mouth opens in sync with yours to deepen the kiss.

In that moment you place words on the purpose. Kissing him said way more than your grateful hugs ever could, and that was all you’d done before. But this wasn’t even about saying thank you, this was about admitting that maybe you felt the exact same way. This was easier than facing the fact that there really was no reason to keep suppressing your emotions. But then he abruptly pulls away, eyes wide as he sounds frightened when he says your name.

Your heart sinks because he’s looking at you like you’ve just done something you should not have done. Heat creeps up over your ears, this time because you’re actually uncomfortable, completely embarrassed because maybe you just made a mistake.

Your open your mouth to say something but nothing comes out, stuck on shock, you don’t know how to even begin saying sorry.

“Jungkook is inside.”

Wait… what?

If you couldn’t speak before, you definitely couldn’t now as all the air escapes your lungs, frozen and unable to breathe. You want to believe that you heard him wrong, or that he didn’t even say Jungkook’s name. But you’re too terrified to even look and confirm. You still aren’t ready, you don’t know what feelings will come up just by seeing him. Worst of all, you don’t know if Jungkook just watched you kiss Taehyung and you cringe at the thought.

You look right, and sure enough, on the other side of the clear glass Jungkook stands there just feet away looking right at you. The way your heart picks up speed is almost painful, you can tell by the disgruntled look on his face he’s seen everything.

TBC

[sarcasticsidecomment]

So its been a really hard day, week, month, basically since midterms. The past two weeks have been the worst. Last week I had play practices until 8 PM most days except I skipped on Wednesday because of a jazz competition where we got back at about 11 or so. Then on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday we had our performances. There were two on Saturday and each performance was about two hours plus another two hours for before and after stuff. In my family we aren't supposed to do homework on Sundays (its a family/church day) so I have to wait until my parents go to bed or sneak stuff down to my room to do homework. This year I'm taking 12 classes two are APs, one was a semester class so now I have a study hall. Five are music so they all sort of fit into the same period and one is a before school church class ever morning at 6:10. Its a 20 minute drive and my family reads scriptures together before my brother and I leave. My dad is a lawyer and also has a bunch of religious responsibilities and is part of a volleyball league so he's almost never home. My mom deals with five kids, her own religious responsibilities and other stuff but she does way less than I do but always seems more stressed and I don't understand. As the parent she's supposed to be calm and understanding and ask about my day. Because of everything last week I was up almost all night Sunday-Saturday but I eventually went to bed in time to get about an hour of sleep. I also tutor two hours a week. I got four hours of sleep the next night and 11 the night after that. Because I'm used to an overall average of less than 6 hours of sleep a night (including weekends) and probably way less than that for just school nights, getting more than about 7 hours of sleep gives me huge headaches. Eleven really really hurt even after ibuprofen. Today at school I only had physics, AP Stats, Spanish, and music. but in the order 1 4 2 3. Our schedule is really weird. Most days we have seven classes and our rotation schedule has 7 days meaning that we never have the same class order more often then once every seven days. I was up until about 12h30 trying to finish a take home physics test that we had all gotten a week ago but I hadn't had time to start yet because I was working on getting caught up from everything I had missed the week before. I decided to take an hour nap because I literally couldn't keep my eyes open and I had only gotten about a forth of the test done. I'll explain more later, but this teacher gives really hard tests. I was crying (which despite all the crap and pressure I'm under I hadn't done since last summer) and I almost self-harmed again so I just decided to take the nap. My alarms didn't go off until 5h30 as usual so I didn't get any more work done. I got some done from the 45 min I have before school starts after I get to the building after my church class but before classes start but I was tutoring so I gave him some busy work a and worked on physics. This class was first starting at 8 so 3 min to the bell I went up. About 15 minutes into class, I learned that most people hadn't finished the test. His tests are usually really hard to show for sure that you have mastered the material which I hadn't because I had been distracted with lack of sleep and the musical. He decided to give the class until the end of the day to pass in the tests (which was very nice, but pretty typical of this teacher). He is really positive but not annoyingly so and not in a naive way either. Just being in the classroom really helped me to calm down and relax a bit, I almost started crying again from relief (my eyes still teared up a bit) but I managed not to. I didn't really get much done and really only figured out that I really didn't know what I was doing but he said that we could come in after school at least until 4 because he was leaving at 4h30. The bell rang and I had jazz. I only play one of the three jazz songs so I did my math during the time I wasn't playing. I ran a meeting for chorale council during lunch (I'm one of the presidents) them went to math, I'd brought in a pie for homework passes two days earlier and it had been in the freezer, it was the class favorite. At his point my phone was dead because it hadn't fully charged last night. I did my Spanish worksheet during math. And quickly wrote down a speech in Spanish about how I was the best candidate for student body president. I'm also really behind in math. Once I got to Spanish, I took my speech and turned it into notes instead. My speech went pretty well. And class was fine. I went to jazz after school and that went okay. Then I went up too Dudley's room. Two of my friends were already there getting help with the test but I think they were done and were just hanging out because Dudley is so amazing and calming. Ryley and Mackenzie (they're both guys by the way) came over and talked for a few minutes while I worked on the test. Apparently I looked really tired because they started telling Dudley about how I got about 4 hours of sleep a night and how I needed to get more sleep and about how much I do. Dudley said I looked exhausted. After they left we talked a bit on and off while I worked on my test. I didn't ask for it but he asked if I wanted an extension until Tuesday, which I accepted. I worked on the test for about an hour and a half until 4-ish. He looked over my test and said that for two of the four questions I had it almost perfect and I had the right idea with the other two. He told me that I looked exhausted, to get some sleep, and to take care of myself. I love my parents and siblings and I know in my head that they love me too but they don't notice when I get an hour of sleep or when I'm upset about an assignment or test, or when I haven't showered in two weeks (yes, I know, it happens sometimes, I forget because I don't have time) they don't ask about my day, or want to do things with me, give me hugs or tough me at all usually, or help me with stuff, or talk to me, or ask about my music, or really anything. Ever day when I leave its the exact same words- Have a good day. They're like roommates that ignore me most of the time. Dudley is just a teacher, but he writes notes on his student's tests when he hands them out praising their individual strengths. He knows who my friends are and what I'm having problems with. He asks how I'm doing and I try to answer honestly because I know he cares and wants to know. Yes he is just a teacher, but he keeps things appropriate and professional while still really helping his students. Family is supposed to help you but I feel like mine holds me back, degrades, ignores me, and neglects me. I don't blame them for overlooking me, it is just a fact. My friends act like siblings should, and I feel like Dudley acts somewhat like a father and Ewing acts somewhat like a grandmother. Then my biological family gets angry when I spend so much time at school. Well that is where I get things done, that is where I feel loved, that is where people pay attention to me, and care about me. Here I just feel like my rent is overdue. They aren't bad people, just distracted.