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#i feel like im not doing enough and that if she does die then i will have failed her somehow
evilmagician430 · 1 year
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sally acachalla is a complex character and shes also veryvery fun to draw. shes so "fake" in a coping mechanism age regression way but also genuinely enjoys the things and people she seems to shes just a lot deeper than she lets on... i dont think she's secretly like smart or anything just capable of emotional maturity sometimes. i think she genuinely isnt very good at literacy but she does fully know what death is. yknow. also she has moar swagger than all ur favs combined!!!!
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halforcdad · 1 year
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really saw someone call lucy immature and compare lucy not telling kate she was looking for a new apartment to lucy getting upset at kate for not telling her why she made the move from DIA to FBI (to point out the hypocrisy of not communicating) like what is context
#ncis hawaii#i hesitate to call the discussion around the sneak peek discourse and blow it out of proportion but y'all LMAO#not every slip-up in communication is a huge problem thats just real life i thought we wanted imperfect characters#comparing lucy getting upset bc of the big reveal that kate cared enough abt her to stay in hawaii and turn down a big promotion#after a looong day of compounding emotional turmoil and thinking kate was gonna die#does not really compare to lucy doing this and not telling kate#and lucy wasnt mad at kate for not telling her she was moving to fbi she was mad bc kates whole thing was keeping secrets#and not being upfront abt feelings and how much their relationship meant to her until it was too late#looking for a new apt probably is a thing you would normally tell your SO to be fair but like#this is obviously supposed to be a feel-good ep for kacy and i feel like some of the talk around it and esp lucy has not been in good faith#its just one sneak peek but fandom is all about over speculating and discussing and theorizing and i love that#but some ppl are a little too quick to dogpile on lucy always lol#i also dont think lucy masterminded that as her way of telling kate to get a reaction#bc she seemed genuine when she said is everything okay and pleasantly surprised when kate brought up how often shes over#like lucy probably thought this was all nbd just another thing i have to do and wasn't even thinking abt moving in but obv im speculation#might delete this later i didnt expect to get so spirited over the discussion#I was focusing on lucy saying her life is just work gym and kate like wow thank u for my life#communication is always a work in progress whether youve been together for 5 months or 50 yrs
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faarkas · 2 years
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this wonderful template is by @/arcandoria :)
ramon - verde's first real relationship and love, they met at her gym while she was training and after being iced out for weeks, she agreed to hang out with him and things blossomed from there. he was good to her, a welcome distraction from the grief of losing her mother, and they only broke up after their relationship soured when she started to get involved with Militech and he slid deeper into unsavory Valentino activities.
landon - a fairly brief relationship built on ambition and manipulation, landon saw how much she enjoyed his accent and sense of humor and exploited it for as long as he could. they clashed over many things but there was a chemistry they had a difficult time ignoring. it ended when verde finally realized he was only using her for her connections and didn't actually love her.
goro - a relationship that started the night he plucked her from the landfill, they realized after some initial clashing that they share a lot of the same ideals and quirks. they quickly became close, only pulled apart when it finally came time to take care of the biochip. they reunited a little over a year later and have rarely been seen without the other since.
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tbos-main · 2 years
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tell me about the zayda horse metaphor please
would love to *cracks knuckles*
so i said in zayda's post both about her Rampant Monarchism/Blind Loyalty To The Crown, as well as the fact that she's had the same horse for almost two decades now. "what the fuck kind of correlation exists here hella?" i hear you cry. well shut up and i'll tell you.
when zayda was appointed kiva's guard and was then subject to kiva's constant attempts at friendship, one thing kiva did for zayda was buy her a horse. it's the most beautiful palomino stallion you ever saw, ridiculously expensive and with the best breeding to boot, and his name is crane, after the bird which symbolises a lot of things; eternal loyalty, harmony, honour, royalty etc. i wasn't very subtle. crane in turn becomes a metaphor for the idealised version of the crown zayda has in her head. he's calm, steady and never faults her. he's perfectly reliable. he does his job. he is a symbol of perfect stability in her life.
when kiva falls ill, rin assumes the role of prince regent (aka he takes over ruling while kiva is incapacitated; he isn't coronated but for all intents and purposes, he is king). zayda is incredibly traditional like i've said, and she is very supportive of this turn of events, even pushing it when rin is clever and shows some reluctance as he 'doesn't want to replace his mother' and 'i'm sure she'll be fine soon' etc. zayda in fact is the one moving things along, despite her friendship with kiva, because that's how unsentimental zayda is; she will always put the job first.
at the end of book 1, kiva wakes up and flees kusig, knowing it isn't safe for her there. rin tells everyone kiva is dead, and so zayda naturally is very quick to swear loyalty to him. this is a huge deal to zayda. she has sworn her very honour on herines 'to the end', and for her, that's something she can never go back on. so she fights on rin's side. she aids many of his horrific acts. she does what she did for lugalia; remains the passive, perfect guard. even when zayda finds out kiva is alive, she says rin tricked her but he points out that she's already sworn loyalty to him, because he knows that for zayda, that's almost the equivalent of if he chained her in the cells with how incapable she is of escaping it. her honour code, her beliefs in regards to being loyal to the CROWN, not necessarily the head it belongs to, are too rigid and they make her betray kiva. she stays loyal to rin.
it becomes quickly apparent that they can't win this war while dea is still alive, because drako has the power to wipe out entire armies with her if he puts his mind to it. it shows how much rin is spiralling because he decides to have dea killed, and zayda, being the loyal servant, is helpless to do anything but comply. she parallels rin a lot in these chapters, because she actually gives rin a lot of ideas and pushes a lot of his schemes. her attitude, like rin's, becomes stuck in this 'we have to win or it was all for nothing. we have to win whatever the cost otherwise i betrayed my loved ones for nothing' so zayda is actually encouraging the idea of having dea killed. in the end, she is the one who leaves to hunt dea down, because a lone rider has more chance of success and because zayda knows drako almost as well as she knows herself.
the day she leaves, she goes to the stables to find crane, but the stableboy tells her that crane has fallen ill. he's old, and zayda knew she should have realistically stopped riding him months ago, but she's stubbornly refusing to let go of him despite all the signs that he's faltering/not as infallible as she'd believed (much like her stubborn refusal to let go of her romanticised version of the crown). zayda still stresses to the stableboy that she needs to ride north urgently, and to get her the fastest horse there. the stableboy tells her that they found a wild mare outside kusig a few days ago. she's completely wild and hasn't had a moment of schooling and refuses to follow anyone else's will, but the stableboy has never seen such a fast horse. it's the reason they kept her instead of just shooing her away. zayda, desperate and on a bit of a whim, says she'll take her, arrogantly assuming she can handle it because she's had so much experience with crane.
the mare is just as beautiful as crane, a perfectly inky black with a long mane, and the stableboys have nicknamed her kicker because, well, she kicks anyone who gets too close. having no sentimentality and seeing no scenario where zayda will keep the horse, she chooses not to think of a proper name, sticking with kicker. for zayda, her and kicker will journey north together, complete their task, and zayda will free her once they return to kusig. kicker is a means to an end, nothing more. zayda has absolutely no intention of getting attached.
which brings us to: the zayda and kicker subplot. the pair get an entire journey together, povs woven into the chapters while the actual plot continues to happen around them. kicker is fast just like zayda was promised, maybe the fastest horse in burnos, but she's also completely wild and if she's not trying to buck zayda off, she's trying to bite her. it doesn't help that this is at a time when there's a lot of riots going on in the small towns, and zayda has to ride through a lot of them. kicker is jumpy and spooks easily and zayda is quickly regretting her life choices. finally, they make camp after the hardest day of riding zayda has ever had, and she's sulking a bit with kicker before she notices the horse is still very jumpy. when it's just the two of them in the firelight, she can see that kicker doesn't look aggressive, not really, just frightened. zayda talks to her offhandedly, more like she's talking to herself than anything and mostly to insult kicker anyway, but her calm tone eases kicker. zayda is also easing a little as a result of just doing simple manual labour again. she's missed riding and having a direct goal. it's freeing to be outside of the palace, let alone out of kusig altogether. she feels like she can breathe again. but she tamps down on it all because she reminds herself that she has a duty to herines and the reason she's here is to betray drako in the worst way - she's doing what she's always done, refusing humanity in favour of duty. still, her calm voice gets kicker to warm to her a little, and the next day isn't so hard, and the day after is even easier, until she eventually gets north in record timing and her and kicker have this really weird love-hate bond. she's still a PAIN but kicker is also a companion at a time in life where zayda has literally never felt more lost. once they're north, zayda buys kicker some apples, and kicker lies right next to her that night. she’s very aware of how big a moment that is and she feels just genuinely proud and content for a tiny moment, before realising how ridiculous she's being, realising that she's growing fondness for this horse when she wasn't supposed to because that's not part of her job, nor is it part of the horse's job. they have their reasons for being here. the horse's purpose is to get zayda from point A to B. zayda's purpose is to serve the crown. humanity has no space between any of that, and zayda has only noticed that she let it bleed in anyway when it's too late.
it's a very unsubtle parallel of what happened with zayda and the harasaeon trio. she wasn't supposed to feel any fondness or even really see them as people, but over time, she learnt to love them, to tease them, to council them, to care for them, despite it not being part of her job/duty/purpose. the scene where her voice calms kicker is even a direct parallel of the night she calms herines and kiva gives her that really harrowing thank you. and so of course, when zayda feels this happening, because she's pretty oblivious to her emotions and also just very fucking stubborn, she automatically starts thinking of ways to keep kicker, determined to school kicker herself when they get back to kusig and all this is over, idly thinking of how kicker will be her horse now crane is retired. this is inevitable to zayda, a natural turn of events, and she doesn't really think twice about the fact that, through everything, kicker is still wild, is still - objectively speaking - a bad horse.
we get to a point when drako and zayda are fighting each other, and this is one of the big points where the whole Metaphor is very vivid, because drako is stood there as her goal, her mission, the promise she made to rin and in turn the thing she must defeat if she wants to prove her loyalty to the crown, and kicker stands off to the side as this metaphor for the realistic portrayal of the crown. one his her duty and the other is her humanity. crane was the harasaeons as zayda was raised to see them, but kicker is messy and annoying and unreliable and will never be a good horse. that's the big part of all of this. zayda knows from the beginning that all the schooling in the world won't make a good horse out of kicker, because she'll always be wild. no matter what fondness zayda has for her, no matter how determined zayda is to make a good horse out of her, to make her a second crane just as good if not better, it simply will never ever happen. this is shown in the fight between drako and zayda, because as they're fighting, kicker gets spooked and goes to bolt, and zayda chooses to grab her instead of finishing her fight. on a smaller note, it illustrates that blind loyalty to kicker is, despite it not being kicker's intention, detrimental to zayda. it very literally puts her in harms way.
near the end of book 3, zayda is still loyal to herines and still holds onto kicker. a bunch of shit happens and zayda's mind has been changing ever since she got kicker, and finally, before the battle of kusig, zayda releases kicker back into the wild. she knows now that you can't love something into being exactly what you want it to be. she wasn't being fair on herself OR kicker. the harasaeons are not what she thought they were, and her blind loyalty has hurt people, has hurt the harasaeons themselves. she knows now that she can't be loyal to herines anymore, that kiva is her friend and that is more important than anything. my whole point of the horse metaphor is to show that blind loyalty to a monarchy is very very bad. crane is a metaphor for what the monarchy was SUPPOSED to be for zayda - stable, reliable, dutiful, head over heart etc - and kicker was a metaphor for what the monarchy truly was - messy, selfish, unreliable, heart over head etc - and in her letting kicker go, she's finally letting go of her stubborn blind loyalty to the crown, finally accepting that it is what it is and she can't change that or ignore it any longer.
she doesn't say so much in her pov, but her releasing kicker is basically explicit confirmation to the reader that zayda is about To Do Something.
and sure enough, she does. if zayda hadn't done what she did that day, then drako and nate would have lost the battle.
#trying sooooooooo hard not to spoil anything but zayda has such a fucking tragic end to her story#massive spoilers ahead bc i cannot keep my mouth shut about this zayda's storyline KILLS me#like im really not supposed to say this but im gonna say it anyway bc i have to#but basically rin gets drako and nate and some of their soldiers trapped in a courtyard sort of area yeah#and he seals off all the gates and everything and it's THAT moment that i was talking about in the tags of some other post#when nate realises that akila has told rin everything and that rin is about to kill him#like there's literally no escape and nate knows he's about to die and in turn drako will break and they'll lose the battle#the only other exit is this one servant's passage that drako used to sneak in and out of to avoid formal events#that zayda used to very judgementally meet him at bc alas she does unfortunately have to follow orders even if those orders are dumb#like 'get me out of the abalaois birthday party please' sjdghkjgh#but this isn't really an option because that servant's passage is renowned for being very fucking old and only unlocking from INSIDE#the palace. and obvs they are very much Not inside the palace rn so they're fucked#but still drako tries it on a whim.... and it's unlocked#rewind a couple minutes ago and zayda is betraying rin#herines catches her unlocking the servant's passage and he kills her for it and in her last moments he says to her#'i will reseal the doors and you will always be a traitor to them. you will die loyal to me. no one will know what you did today. '#and zayda gives him this broken broken smile as she's bleeding out looking up at him from the floor#and with the proudest little voice she goes 'i'll know' AND THEN SHE DIES#like finally she became a person where it was enough to make HERSELF proud and do what SHE wanted#she let herself be human and feel things and prioritise people over duty and that's all that matters to her even if everyone she loves#will never know of her sacrifice that day. and low and behold drako and nate manage to escape before rin can reseal the door#and they dont find out who unlocked it for them :((((#devastated. im debating letting darra tell them but only if im feeling nice#zayda
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faebriel · 1 year
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my most controversial star wars opinion is that i think lux bonteri is not a horrible concept per se but perhaps underutilised
#by underutilised i mean not pointed in the right direction. 2 episodes and 1 4-ep arc is enough for him i think#yes ik hes annoying but it is so fucking funny to me for ahsoka to have that one random friend who definitely went to a prep school#or something and also was literally a separatist until he decided hes going to go rogue now and make the worst choices ever#like either kill the will they wont they early OR cut it entirely and they can be so funny. we are in HOT SPACE what are you DOING HERE#you are going to DIE and the guys like yes thats the plan ^-^ you see ive fallen into business with a very powerful man ahsoka you might#have heard of him. goes by the name of /hondo/. and ahsoka does the biggest fucking sigh ever#cut the kiss cut the bullshit keep the funny. and ahsoka needs more friends her age anyway#anyway i think im just soft on him bc his entry into the show meant a fucking respite from Other Ships I Really Didn't Like In TCW FFNet#(femslash was there but not as big of a presence yet unfortunately)#i dont blame ppl who hate him bc a friend in need is his problematic arc but truly hand me a spanner i can fix him#lesbian and her momentary comp het bestie......she crashed on his couch at least once post order 66#oh and UNFRIDGE STEELA she should have been head of onderon or something. so bullshit#as he is in canon he feels like wasted space for ahsokas character. theres no point in giving her any love interest while shes in the order#and barriss riyo and the s7 gals are all better choices anyway#and you cant pull the 'well some separatists are just normal' card after s3 bc he also wants to kill dooku like. at least be funny!#or try to set up whatever the hell ahsoka does between s7 and rebels! idk man
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fabulouslygaybean · 1 year
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apparently someone in my fucking gsa is a racist cunt who keeps creeping on my little sister. this is the final straw i think
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n0ct0urn1quet · 2 years
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think i migght acactully drop out of school lmao i cannot do this shit anymore . i was fine a second ago but the thoughts got too strong and so now im Mad
#school doesnt start for another month and im already stressed and i just know that when school does start my mental health is just#going to rapidly decline and im gonna not have energy to do anything anymore n im sjut gonna fucking die#like if im being honest since i stopped going to school last year around like november/december my mental health has been Better#not good and not great but better than it is when im in school and i feel like that says a lot.#idc if dropping out means my entire family disowns me my moms already tired of me not going to school bc ive been struggling since#6th grade and its like. ok.#i might as well just not try#like ill be doing online school this year so not going back to public school but still dude i dont want to#i dont wanna do this shit for another 2 fucking eyars ive struggled enough already i cant Take It#i wanna fuckin move out so bad i dont wanna do this shit no more <3#evereyones like 'oh i could never drop out of school id ruin my relatinship with my mom' n its like#ok well for me theres no relationship to ruin between us in the first place. she hates me and i hate her n thats just how its gonna be#she already is like ignorant when it comes to school n me being in school so why even fuckin bother this year right#seriously just considering dropping out i really dont wanna do this becauuse doing school is just going to take such a tolll on me and like#i just . dont wanna go through it! im done! the american education system can suck my dick.#i dont even think im gonna graduate at 18. i dont think im gonna graduate ever. i didnt finish 6th grade and completely skipped 7th#i pretty much failed 8th bc my grades went down bc i didnt go to school bc of the whole covid thing n i manually passed but that#doesnt count bc i was already skipping school n didnt do the online classes. i didnt finish 9th bc that was also during like the height of#the pandemic and 10th was just a disaster and on my last day i had pretty much an anxiety attack in my 4th period bc my teacher was#a fucking loser.#so. im just done! im fucking done.#not gonna graduate. oh well.
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apparently one of the girls at work has been acting funny ever since another girl has been made lead and now im worried its partly because i said something to her that implied that she might be lead one day and im like uh oh
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inmirova · 10 months
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spending the small hours of the night thinking about how hdb views the mere act of caring for him as inhuman.
#like. even the kindest doctor i have ever had let me withdraw from multiple antipsychotics mood stabilizers and antidepressants alone#trying and failing to figure out how to taper down safely from the internet. most things suggested getting smaller scripts filled#our society wasnt built for people like us. it is so so tiring to be poor and disabled in this world and its tiring to love someone who is#so eventually we're abandoned. the people who loved us get tired of it. especially once youre safe enough to stop posturing#to admit that everything hurts and you dont want to get out of bed or you cant pick up the dog or youre just too fucking tired#because youre no longer what you were. these things constantly change you.#yes i loved to swim and to ice skate and to climb trees and sit and survey the world around me. no i cant do that anymore.#does it make me less interesting? does it make me harder to love?#how much is changed when im sitting on the shoreline and youre in the ocean?#this got away from me. it feels hard to be loved in a body like this-in a mind like this. it must be saintly. angelic. innocentic. to do so#tomorrow night is my favorite holiday but it leaves me thinking a lot about devotion#about ruth clinging to naomi- the realization that what you have found would destroy you should you lose it.#where you die i will die and there i will be buried may the lord deal with me be it ever so severely if anything but death separates us#it's so hard when the thing that separates you is your punishment already#dream dora talks about his depression and how he gets too sad and phone dora tells him hes drunk no matter what he says#the resentment of his mental illness and addiction. his poverty too- i doubt the line where she calls him a poverty-stricken fuck is real#but the emotion behind it was definitely in her#all of the reasonings my ex fiance gave for leaving boiled down my mental illness (blatantly said it a couple times too)#but ik physical disability stuff bothered them too#it's fucking hard#the parts of you that everyone resents are finally accepted and embraced and then used to blame you for the end of something#yes of course there were things i did wrong as a person and things harry did wrong as a person.#that doesnt stop the things about ourselves that are already distressing from being paraded as a moral failure by someone we trusted#all of this to say. sometimes it feels like waiting for the other shoe to drop.#humanity has abandoned the poor disabled addicts of the world. when will you? it's inhuman to care. history shows that to be true.#idk. i have to be up in 3 hours. im sure ill have more coherent thoughts about this after work tomorrow. rn I'm just. here's a mess lol#or maybe not! i have to put the finishing touches on my cheesecake before sundown.#ill make dinner and celebrate shavuot with my sister who is still a human despite caring for me#and things will be. as they are. or ill rotate these thoughts in my head and wont be able to fall asleep all night and ill ruin tomorrow.#who knows!
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snekdood · 11 months
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im probably not the best person to say this given the way ppl see me on here but like... @ some cis women... who is blowing smoke up your ass this much that you think you can do this shit and that you’ll actually find “the perfect dude” bc i promise going on social media to find lonely desperate simpy dudes who are so insecure they need the validation of some woman whos a stranger online to feel like they’re worth something in the moment? i’m sorry but you and i both know you’re never gonna find That Dude, especially not this way. how in tf do you think you’re so worth it to do this shit like sdjbsdj these dudes need to stop fawning over women who are like this bc the truth is they don’t even want to actually date people, a lot of women like this just go on dating sites or whatever to ALSO just validate themselves. they need to know or tell themselves men are chasing after them so they can forever continue disregarding them and forever continue to simp after that one celebrity she’ll never get an inch close to fucking let alone date.
#videos#fave#sorry to be harsh but gawddamn.#idk where yall get off thinking you're worth chasing like!!! im sorry but i do not give an inch of a fuck.#do you see me??? you need to be chasing ME if you want a fuckin chance alright#yall find the lonliest most touch deprived men who are probably on the brink of suicide to drain of their ability to validate you so you#can just dump them in the trash later after you're all full#what a boring type of person my god. and im sure you make this shit your personality too likwe.#wtf are your skills. bc being hot isnt enough for me lol.#id much rather die alone with dignity and self respect than give women like this the time of day let alone the moment to feel like#shes above me enough to just randomly earn my validation. i do not fuckin care ma'am!! sorry#i do not care about validating and encouraging your narcissism. and i dont like to call women narcissistic all that often but christ.#go become a lesbian already and leave men alone lol bc clearly you dont actually wanna date them#like im not saying confidence in yourself and knowing you're worth wanting is bad. its just that we all know this girl isnt sincere.#she doesnt want to actually find a guy. shes waiting for fuckin. harry styles or something to swoop in.#also shes deeply insecure too. we know shes also doing this to feel validated on how she looks since she knows so many dudes are#looking. and clearly she cant validate herself so she relies on shit like this and i bet my money she does it on tinder too#if you're this distrusting of men that you gotta put up all these weird rules like 'not talking till u find the perfectly hot enough dude'#which you and i both know is stupid and arbitrary- maybe if you distrust men this much you shouldnt be looking for date in them#bc lord knows all those dudes were lying about being 6 feet lol#this is like somehow a worst way to find dates than tinder#congratulations. i didnt know that was possible lol
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yamikawas · 1 year
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i will always love you, no matter what you go through. i love you so so much <3
- yoomtah !
AAAAAAAAAJDHDHHFJDJFKD YOOMIE MY BELOVED ;///;........................THANK U I'LL ALWAYS LOVE U TOO OK ILL BE WITH U FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER NO MATTER HOW MY BRAIN GETS U ALWAYS MAKE ME FEEL BETTER I LOVE U SO MUCH MY YOOMIE<3<3<3<3<33<33333<<3<<33<3<3<33<3<33<3<3<3<3
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#I CANT HELP BUT LOSE MY MIND IN RESPONSE TO A MESSAGE FROM MY BELOVED AWAWAWAWAWAWA#SHE IS SO<3<3<33<3<3<3<3<33I LOVE HER SO MUCH<3<3<3<3<3<<<3333<3<<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<33<3<3<3<3#SHE MEANS SO MUCH TO ME SHES LITERALLY EVERYTHING I RLLY DONT KNOW WHAT ID DO WITHOUT HER#I JUST WANT TO HOLD HER TIGHT AND NEVER LET HER GO I COULDNT BEAR TO LET HER GO EVER OK#LITERALLY.SHE HAS GOT ME THROUGH SO MUCH INCLUDING MY BRAIN BEING BAD RECENTLY I OWE HER SO MUCH#I HOPE SHE KNOWS HOW MUCH SHES DONE FOR ME AND HOW IMPORTANT SHE IS TO ME BC SHE LITERALLY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING#I WANNA JUST HUG HER TIGHT AND BURY MY FACE INTO HER HAIR AND TELL HER HOW MUCH I LOVE HER AND HOW MUCH SHE MEANS TO ME#YOOMTAH MY BELOVED EVER I RLLY DONT KNOW WHAT ID DO WITHOUT HER I CANT PICTURE MY LIFE WITHOUT HER AT ALL#SORRY JUST HEARING HER SAY THAT SHE LOVES ME NO MATTER WHAT I GO THROUGH HAS ME A LITTLE MORE EMOTIONAL THAN I SHOULD BE#SHES SO.MY EVERYTHING💓💜💛🌈💕⚠️💗❣💕💞💋💚🌩🌻👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💚💫💞💫💟💙💕🌈🌠💘🧡🌼💋🌻🍋💛⚡💖🌩💝⚠️💌💓❣✨❤💕💗💜❤💙💞💋🌈💫🌩💌#YOOMTAH YOOMTAH YOOMTAH YOOMTAH......................I JUST NEED TO BE WITH HER FOREVER IM GONNA GO INSANE#LITERALLY NO ONE ELSE COULD NEED HER THE WAY I DO SHES MY PURPOSE MY REASON TO LIVE EVERYTHING.NO ONE ELSE COULD LOVE HER THE WAY I DO#I WILL ALWAYS LOVE HER MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE EVER WILL BC IM THE ONLY ONE WHO LOVES HER SO MUCH THEY WOULD KILL AND DIE FOR HER#GOD.ITS CRAZY HOW SHE ALWAYS MAKES ME FEEL BETTER NO MATTER WHAT LIKE.SHE JUST HAS SUCH A POSITIVE EFFECT ON ME ITS CRAZY#LIKE NO MATTER HOW HORRIBLE I FEEL OR HOW MUCH I HATE MYSELF IF I JUST TALK ABT HER ENOUGH I'LL BE HAPPY AGAIN#SHE I S MY HAPPINESS NOTHING HAS EVER MADE ME FEEL HAPPY THE WAY SHE DOES ITS AMAZING I NEVER WANT TO LET GO OF HER FOR ANYTHING#I DONT KNOW WHAT ID DO WITHOUT HER ID DIE WITHOUT HER I SWEAR I COULD NEVER LIVE WITHOUT HER I NEED TO BE WITH HER FOREVER AND EVER#I AM NEVER LETTING HER GO FOR ANYTHING I CANT LET GO OF HER I NEED HER SO MUCH I CANT LET ANYTHING OR ANYONE TAKE HER FROM ME OK#GOD.I NEED HER SO MUCH.MORE THAN IVE EVER NEEDED ANYTHING ELSE#MORE THAN AIR OR FOOD OR WATER OR ANYTHING NOTHING ELSE MATTERS I NEED H E R ONLY HER SHE IS E V E R Y T H I N G#I LITERALLY CANT LIVE WITHOUT HER.IM GOING TO DIE WITHOUT HER#I WANT TO CLING TO HER AND BREATHE HER IN AND FEEL ALIVE AGAIN#SHE MAKES ME FEEL ALIVE#SHE IS MY LIFE#SHE IS EVERYTHING#YOOMTAH IS EVERYTHING.
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dubiousdisco · 2 years
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BRO my mom just told me she went to check on my sister because I needed to take these 2 days off and my sister asked her if I have ever done anything for her
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You know how mom's anxiety is off the roof even with the intense treatment we do at home, she said she will tell me more later because right now the thought of the subject is making her so anxious she can't speak, Im just,
There are so many things here
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frosnpls · 2 years
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h
#we think my cat might be. starting to. uh. die#i dont want to speak it into existence and it could just be that shes getting old and wobbly#but she keeps tripping over and she sleeps all day and eats maybe once a day and shes got so thin and she keeps having toilet accidents#just. aauauauuagh i dont want her to die. i dont want her to die shes my little girl#it makes it worse that in a few days time nobody is going to be in the house bc my family and i are going on (seperate) holidays#my cousins gona come in twice a day to check on and feed her and also my tortoise bc she only lives across the street#but im so scared shes gna die while we're gone and she would've been all alone in the house#or that im gona come home with my friends and find her dead or that shes gona die while theyre staying#i dont want to make everyone sad and uncomfortable bc im the host and i cant just sit thete mourning my cat#again i dont want to speak it into existence i hope we have her a lot longer and shes just a lil under the weather and im overthinking#but i just. i dont want her to die#its the first time since rhory that im having to think about someone i love dying and idk if its the ptsd from rhory or what but#i feel like im not doing enough and that if she does die then i will have failed her somehow#and im assuming it is rhory related bc im not god i cant just decide to make her young and healthy again but im blaming myself#i just dont want to lose her#sorry i. its just its been literally pent up all day like 11 hours ive been sitting on it trying not to break down#i just needed to dump it somewhere#ask to tag#personal#pet death cw#pet illness cw
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inpraizeof · 1 year
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little hell
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finnick odair x reader
synopsis: you wished more than anything that he had left you to die in that arena, because nothing could hurt more than seeing him with her
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watching their ceremony had felt like you had drank poison. a burning fire had been brewing in your abdomen, and as they kissed, you had to swallow the bile that threatened to come out.
finnick had turned to face the onlookers, and smiled as he held annie’s hand. only you could notice the smile faltering as he gazed over you, and you looked down, not wanting to look at him any longer.
you had abandoned the wedding early, excusing yourself with the pain in your leg, that hadn’t bothered you since your days in the infirmary, but it was good enough.
you fought tears until you got behind closed doors, where with the commotion of the celebration, hid away the noises of your sobs. finnick knew, and you too had known, that annie would always hold a flame to his heart, but it was you who allowed yourself to fall in love, and it was him who gave you the hope.
days later, a soft knock on your door rang out and finally you had peeled yourself out of your bed to answer it. you couldn’t hide your surprise when you saw it was katniss, looking pale in her grey jumpsuit.
you let her in without question, and moved to sit on your bed, with katniss closing the door behind her.
you raised an eyebrow, “katniss. honestly you’re the last person i would expect to be here.”
katniss didn’t say anything for a moment, until finally, “i doubt you expected anyone at all.” you let out a bitter laugh, and nodded, “i suppose you are correct.”
katniss nodded, “but i’m not. finnick has been asking about you.”
you scoffed, “why does he even care? he’s a married man, he’s with her..” you trailed off, “im just here, the other woman..” you trailed off, and katniss swallowed thickly.
“i cant say anything for him,” she admitted, “but i will say that he is horrible for what he did- and how he lied to you both.” you nodded, forgetting completely about annie, who was oblivious to his indiscretions.
katniss had stayed with you for another moment, where she sat in a comforting silence.
finnick had been looking for you throughout the compound. he had hug onto annie as she did to him, but his eyes would still clear a room looking for you.
he had finally found you, and pulled himself away from annie with just a good enough excuse.
he made his way to you, and you turned to meet his eyes. you rolled your eyes, and sharply turned back on your heel, your feet carrying you to somewhere you didn’t even know you were going.
finnick called your name, desperation in his voice, you felt him hot on your feet. without thinking, he grabbed your arms, and threw you against the wall.
you gasped, and turned to see no one had even batted an eye at his slight aggression, but you were now in no position to ignore him.
finnick swallowed, looking down, “i’m sorry. for having to do this but you won’t talk to me otherwise.” you nodded your head slightly, and sighed, “and?” finnick inhaled, “i should have told you about annie. i- i don’t know what i was thinking.”
“i don’t either finnick. if you had any fucking brains, you would’ve left me to die out there, so you wouldn’t have to see my face around here, and feel that guilt.” you felt your eyes rim with tears, and you sniffled, “you should’ve killed me. done the mercy, finnick. and there’s not a day that goes by that i don’t hate you for what you didn’t do.”
finnick exhaled, and his voice felt shaky, as did his grip on your hands, “i know. i should’ve told you about annie, i should’ve stopped it but-“ he shrugged, “i love you.” he whispered.
you blinked and tears fell onto your cheeks, “you cant say that. you cant say that!” you pulled your arms free and threw him back. finnick fell back onto the wall and stared at you in shock, “you don’t get to fucking say that.” you yelled, and felt yourself heat with anger.
you shook your head, giving finnick one last look before you left him there.
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fuxuannie · 10 months
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🐠 haii for the requests milestone thingy could u do pavitr prabhakar x reader and the prompt “are we ab to kiss rn” and then the other actually leans in? c: TY IF U CAN ‼️❤️💖
↳ pairing : pavtir prabhakar x g-neutral reader
↳ synopsis : request ♡
↳ authors note : EUEEUEEU this is sosososo cute actually, i love this idea sm. ATSV SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT !!! im not entirely sure if i like this.. bute eeurrueue i tried my best
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You and PAVITR had known each other for a while, long enough that he trusts you with his secret of being Spiderman with how close you two were.
Now you were on one of the tallest buildings in Mumbattan, swinging your feet over the ledge as Pavitr sat beside you with his hand unintentionally holding onto yours firmly since there was a small bit of lingering fear at the idea of you falling.
"Jeez, finally.. a break." He sighs in relief, taking off his mask with his free hand as you chuckle. "Isn't being Spiderman supposed to be sooo easy, Pav?" You teased, watching him roll his eyes in amusement. "Well, of course it is. But it certainly is busy, and I really just wanna spend time with you." Pavitr answers honestly, noticing how you seemed to be even just a little surprised and he was very entertained by that idea. You can already see his own little smirk beginning to form.
You clear your throat to hopefully shift the topic. "What made you so burnt-out today then?"
It didn't take long for you to see how his face shifts to a frown, and you knew exactly what he was about to bring up. "Miguel.. he's been so hard on some of us recently, especially the new-comers who he introduced the 'canon events' to." Pavitr runs a hand through his hair, his sigh was a mix of sadness and frustration as he recalls the events that occured earlier in the day. "They just want to save their loved ones.. no one can accept that kind of information and simply allow it to happen, you know?"
You nod along with his statement, unable to even imagine the dread those people must feel, just waiting for the people they care about most to die for their own development.
"But that's a sad topic, and today is supposed to be a nice resting day for the both of us." Pavitr smiles a little to lighten the mood, squeezing your hand softly as you take a deep breath. "Mines not been the best either.."
The smile he tries to hold falters at those words.
"Mom.. she's still very insistent on the arranged marriage." You let out a forced and bitter laugh. "I don't.. I mean, I don't know if I want to marry that person when I'm older. I've met them twice, Pav. And in the future, I have to spend every single loving who is essentially a stranger. Isn't that even a little weird in my parents eyes?"
He hated seeing how hopeless you looked, having no choice in who you want to love is devestating and in some cases lonely. Seeing real couples on the street and wondering what kind of innocent love you're likely missing out on.
Pavitr stands up and your head follows him as he does so, watching his determination-filled face as he pulls you up with ease. "Let's not wallow in sadness, yes? I'd much rather see you smile than frown." His hand makes its way to your cheek, causing you to chuckle softly as you lean into the touch and place your hand over his. "Thanks, Pav."
And without thinking, the next sentence you manage to stupidly utter out is; "Gosh, I wish you were the one I married instead."
You can see the visible surprise in his face when you say that, before you realize what exactly escaped your lips. "W-wait..-"
But it seems like Pavitr seems more affected than you, the hand once placed on your cheek immediately pulled back to cover his mouth and the uncontrollable but flustered smile on his face.
"You want to marry me??"
Instead of a mocking or angry tone, he seems genuinely happy that the person he's had a secret crush on for year or so finally gives some sort of hint that he's more than a friend.
"Do you mean it? Like.. really mean it?"
"I mean, yeah! Anyone would want to marry you.."
There's silence exchanged between the two of you, staring at each other in confusion, disbelief and surprise.
"What? Are we about to kiss right now?"
Pavitr teased to ease his nerves, but imagine how much worse they got when you actually started to lean in. He begins to quietly panic, however in all honesty he wants to do nothing else but kiss you at the moment. What if he never gets the chance to do it again? He couldn't risk that.
He finally presses his lips against yours, albeit very very nervously but a kiss is a kiss and goodness is he into it. Pavitr melts into the intimacy, but is very quick to pull away incase you're uncomfortable.
It seems almost impossible how fast his heart is racing when he watches your eyes flutter open and the realization that you actually kissed Pavitr rushes through your head quickly.
...
"Can we do that again..?"
"Gladly."
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starrvsn · 25 days
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౨ৎ BEWITCHED ⠆OSCAR PIASTRI 𖥻81 !
PAIRING ⠆singer-celeb!(oc)reader x oscar piastri, exes-to-lovers!au.
FACECLAIM ⠆laufey
ᵎᵎ EVERYTHING IS FICTION ㅤᵕ̈
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ynsannasource tweeted!
WHEN WAS SOMEONE GOING TO TELL ME Y/N AND OSCAR WERE TOGETHER WAY BACK WHEN ??????
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﹫daydrmer WAIT WHAT???
⤷ ﹫ynnation i thought this was common knowledge 😭
⤷ ﹫daydrmer common knowledge for who !? y/n has always been so private about her relationships
﹫ynluvbot only the real ones know 🤞🏽
﹫81piastri RUE WHEN WAS THIS ???
⤷ ﹫dwnuderpiastri before his F1 debut apparently
﹫lan4norris PLS i need to know what happened between them
﹫oskrttt81 omg why do i feel like he would listen to her music before races 😭
⤷ ﹫vrmvroomf1 me when im delusional
⤷ ﹫mcclarenboys4lyfe imagine his tech just playing her music over the radio during a race 😭
⤷ ﹫koalaop81 bro would have war flashbacks 😭😭
﹫magnolia.sanna yeah she def wrote songs about him
ynsannasource tweeted!
a little update on y/n and oscar! after ALOT of digging i found an archived post from oscars instagram.
view image below:
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oscarpiastri my baby is so talented 🤍
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﹫f1goss the nosiest person award goes to 🏆
⤷ ﹫ynsannasource girl please you're a gossip page
⤷ ﹫f1goss got me with that...
﹫magnolia.sanna FUCK she had to have written at least half the album about him
⤷ ﹫livefastpiastri what love will do to you is definitely about him omg
﹫papaya.mclrn does anyone know why they broke up? or like how long they were together for?
⤷ ﹫prettiestyn apparently, this is what i heard at the time but they both had mutually agreed to part ways because y/n was gaining so much traction on her music career and oscar was beginning his f1 career that following year. especially since they were long distance for majority of their relationship a lot of people thought it was really straining them from doing what they wanted, not sure how long they were together for tho
⤷ ﹫dreamingofyn i think they were together almost 4 years
﹫pasteypiastri new oscar lore just dropped
﹫ferralforyn i love the oscar and yn crumbs
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liked by lilyhme, oscarpiastri, beabadobee, alex_albon and more
ynsanna hi everyone! my single ‘dear soulmate’ is out now <3 listen in on where ever you stream your music, i love you all so much thank you for always supporting me mwah 🩷
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bewitchedluv babe wake up!!! new y/n single just dropped!!!
piastri81bakery OSCAR IN THE LIKES ??!
⤷ fan11 FUCK BROS LURKING
⤷ fan12 wonder how he feels being someone’s muse 😩
alex_albon loved the song!!
⤷ 23lexbon ALEX WHAT ARE YOU DOING HEREE ??
⤷ lilyhme﹫23lexbon i put him on hahah
⤷ lilyhme﹫alex_albon ....WAIT YOU LISTENED WITHOUT ME ????
landonorris guys-guys what happening to me *turns into a warewolf*
⤷ lan4norris oh! okay…
⤷ bestiepierre10 trying to steal pierre’s brand i see
⤷ pierregasly can't outdo the doer i fear
georgerussel63 the feelings i felt listening to this
⤷ logansargeant alex blasting this on full volume in the garage got everyone in their feels
⤷ lilyhme i know there had to be a mechanic that cried
feelsforf1 they way half the grid is here 😭
⤷ alex_albon i put them on what can i say ??
⤷ lilyhme NO i put them on, give me my flowers >:^(
⤷ ashmartini148 damn near everyone but oscar 😭
yndoll yeah this song is def about oscar
charles_leclarc collab ???
⤷ fan04 PLEASE THIS HAS TO HAPPEN
⤷ fan05 I CAN DIE IN PEACE IF IT DOES
⤷ fan06 this and oscar and yn getting back together will be enough for me
danielricciardo cried during my workout, thanks y/n !
⤷ lance_stroll no pain no gain 🦾
fan07 everything is slowly falling in place…
fan10 hope oscar listens to this and comes crawling back because i would
fan09 the feral need for them to get back together is crazy
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﹫ethunreal they way everyone is psychoanalyzing the song
⤷ ﹫starletyn what is there to analyze tho…. it is about him
﹫048122 yeah she’s so not over him like girl let him go
⤷ ﹫prettiestyn they split to focus on their careers like good for them but fuck i wouldn’t be over him too if i saw them everywhere
﹫mistyskies no because y/n was the reason i got into racing when she was with him during formula 2 and now he’s in f1 like it doesn’t feel right without her
﹫stellarf1 okay but the whole paddock under her comment section???
⤷ ﹫fan11 speaks volumes imo 👀
⤷ ﹫fan they def know about them being together
﹫yukipookie does he even have feelings for her still like… it’s giving one sided
⤷ ﹫sonnamyheart naw her music plays everywhere he def thinks about her
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liked by lilyhme, landonorris, oscarpiastri, carlossainz55 and more
ynsanna new location unlocked: monza! thank you for ferrari for inviting ❤️
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fan14 guess the collab will be happening
fan15 can literally smell a collab from the fourth slide
alex_albon it was so nice meeting you!
⤷ lilyhme criminal that you met her before i did
⤷ alex_albon i facetimed you and you didn’t answer… sounds like your fault
⤷ lilyhme blocked and deleted
estibestie we all know what this means right???
⤷ leclarc16wishes charles is on his way to steal oscars girl??
⤷ fan16 NO YN&OSCAR LOVE REDEMPTION
fan17 they had to have crossed paths PLS
landonorris no fair >:(( come to mclaren garage next time!
⤷ ynsanna invite?
⤷ fan12 SLY LANDO NORRIS
⤷ fan13 we all know what youre doing
georgerussell you’re lucky you make phenomenal music, it was lovely seeing you!
carlossainz55 y/n is so much prettier in person, muy bonita!
⤷ fan18 oscar is punching air i know it
⤷ fan19 yeaaa shoot ur shot carloss
francisca.cgomes please come to more races!!! i had an amazing time speaking with you
⤷ ynsanna we’ll have to see… but it was so lovely meeting you 🤍
fan20 oscar needs to do something asap before one of the others take her
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﹫livesoilove post replies
﹫fan21 OKAY ITS HAPPENING
﹫fan22 omg my manifesting did work
﹫fan23 so deserved omg
﹫fan24 i love this for them :’)
﹫fan25 their stories too, they def were togetherrr
oscar piastri's story replies
landonorris tfti :(
danielricciardo glad my pep talk actually worked :D #aussiebrothers4lyfe
loganseargent bro licked the plate clean
y/n's story replies
maudeapataw IS THAT WHO I THINK IT IS
georgerussell having dinner with the man you wrote your song about i see
yourbff ya'll didn't talk at all or look at each other during the grand prix but you'll have dinner with him??? respect.
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liked by yukitsunoda0511, maudeapataw, oscarpiastri and others
ynsanna enchantment in the air
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aussiepiastri81 i wonder who that is on the second slide
ynfan bruh is that george russell i thought we were rooting for oscar ???
⤷ starletyn girl...
magnolia.sanna OUR RED STRING LOVERS
pierregasly the seals look just like yuki!
⤷ yukitsunoda0511 cute?
⤷ pierregasly no, small and lazy.
⤷ ynsanna pls take your beef else where ❤️
⤷ pierregasly y/n who do you think is cuter me or yuki
⤷ ynsanna please don't make this into a competition
⤷ yukitsunoda0511 we won't because if we did i'd win :)
pasteypiastri pov: everyone knows who you're with but you soft launch reguardless
⤷ sonnamyhear and i'd eat it up, bones and all
landonorris tfti :(
⤷ oscarpisatri your fomo is honestly concerning
⤷ landonorris surprised you know what fomo means.
⤷ oscarpisatri i'm not like checo relax
⤷ schecoperez ouch :(
⤷ fan26 OSCAR UPGRADED FROM LURKING IN THE LIKES TO COMMENTING LFGG
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sanpiastriluver y/n and oscars stories just one day apart :)
fan27 using y/n's song is soooo obvious, i love it.
fan28 just because you don't put the artist doesn't mean we don't know who's singing
fan29 bro fr said out of sight out of mind
fan30 they're just making it to easy atp
⤷ username a little to easy
fan31 the song choice is so cute :')
fan32 why do i feel like the soft launching was probably oscars idea
⤷ username it probably was LOL
⤷ username a peak introvert moment
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liked by ynsanna, danielricciardo, landonorris, alex_albon and others
oscarpiastri always find your way back home 🫂
tagged: ynsanna
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dreamypiastri the hannah montana reference ????
⤷ sannamyheart knowing y/n she probably forced him to watch it
⤷ ynsanna and he loved every second of it
yndreamland is this a dream ????
pookieyuki oscar hard launching before y/n??
⤷ alex_albon lando owes me $50 now
⤷ f1kisses LMAO NO WAY THEY BETTED
⤷ landonorris thought i knew my teammate better than this 😣
ynsanna just a girl and her baguette 🤭
⤷ oscarpiastri me or the baguette?
⤷ ynsanna ...next question
danielricciardo remember me when yall get married, knowing i helped get you two back together again
⤷ rickycado03 in daniel we trust !!!!
landonorris no thanks lando for the picture of us???
⤷ ynsanna you crashed our date :(
⤷ landonorris … i wouldn’t say crashed i like to think i made it better oscar is boring anyways
⤷ ynsanna we were having much fun before you came thank you very much >:^(
⤷ alex_albon yeah y/n defend your man !!!!!!
⤷ landonorris who's side are you on ?????
⤷ alex_albon not yours duh.
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liked by lilyhme, oscarpiastri, mclaren, troyesivan, yourbff and others
ynsanna home sweet home 🤍
tagged: oscarpiastri
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oscarpiastri and i wouldn't have it any other way ❤️
⤷ ynsanna never again 🤍
yourbff MY BABIES ARE BACK TOGETHER AGAINNNN
ynnation its like nothing ever happened :''')
fan33 so cute 🥹
mclaren you're welcome whenever you like y/n!
⤷ pookieyuki our certified wag
⤷ starletyn yn supremacy !!
fan35 epitome of red string lovers
fan34 you guys are so cute i think i might be sick
lilyhme you guys are the cutest couple ever !!
⤷ alex_albon cuter than us?
⤷ lilyhme hush you
logansargeant in my mind you guys were always together, glad to see you back 🫡
⤷ ynsanna logan :''(
⤷ landonorris words to make a grown man cry fr
danielricciardo i will be the best man at yall's wedding right :)
⤷ landonorris get in line buddy
⤷ alex_albon the mc more like....
georgerussel63 still cannot believe you all thought i was the one dating yn
⤷ ynfan not my proudest moment...
⤷ oscarpiastri we don't even look alike too
⤷ georgerussel63 yeah, im much taller and better looking
maxverstappen1 does this mean we all get to watch y/n when she goes on tour??
ownership of starrvsn. please do not repost, modify or translate.
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