#i feel like it shouldn’t be this difficult to manage i just wish i felt okay being myself around more people it almost always comes back to

[odoraful]

𝐃𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐂 𝐁𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐒

⟡ content: diluc/wanderer/childe x gn!reader; sfw; modern au; established relationship; fluff !! ⟡ a/n: i was scouring pinterest looking the most fitting inspo rooms for each of them hehe

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DILUC ⟡

Your shared home is an old-fashioned but charming house with a tiled roof and a brick archway leading to the entrance of the door. Diluc has a good eye for style — all the furniture pieces you select together are warm and elegant, perfectly matching with the vintage style home.

He’s a bit of a craftsman, and when you moved in he custom built bookshelves just for you. Your house has traces of Diluc’s handiwork: a wooden tissue box cover, tile coasters, a ceramic chess set.

Being a peak acts of service man, if he notices that there’s something inconveniencing you that can be mended, he’ll try to find a way to fix it. That wooden chair that wobbled yesterday when you sat down on it? The next day, it’s miraculously levelled. Always struggling to find your keys before you leave the house? There are now little hooks on the wall where you can easily hang them. He doesn’t make a huge show of it, but you’ll always kiss him on the cheek and say that you should repay him with something.

“There’s no need. Seeing you happy is more than enough for me.” He replies, running a hand through his hair, the tips of his ears turning red.

The house is IMPECCABLY cleaned — the chores are shared out between the two of you, and the both of you work like a well-oiled machine. He’ll insist that you shouldn’t carry anything too heavy though! He doesn’t want you to hurt yourself :(

One of the things that Diluc wouldn’t ever trade is getting the chance to cuddle with you in the evening on the couch. He’ll let you play with his hair and try out different styles, comforted by the feeling of your fingers running through it.

Sometimes, he’ll come home late from work tired and perhaps a bit grumpy, but the sight of you will change his mood completely.

At the sound of jangling keys and the front door creaking shut, you rush out of the bathroom and down the stairs. 

“(Y/N), I’m home!” You hear Diluc’s voice call out to you.

The day had felt far too long for him, and with far too many headaches for him to deal with. The only thing that he looked forward to at the end of it all was to see you again. 

Hearing the patter of your slippers, he looks up. It takes everything within him to keep composed at your appearance. Having just gotten out of a hot shower, your cheeks were tinted pink, hair still damp and slicked. Diluc’s eyes trailed to your clothes, a matching pair of flannel shirt and shorts. He loosens his tie, suddenly finding his breath stuck in his throat. It baffled him how gorgeous you were even in pyjamas.

Wordlessly, he reaches towards you. You look down at his hands and see as they fasten the remaining top two buttons of your sleeping shirt. In your hurry to greet him at the door, you forgot to dress properly. 

“I can’t believe I missed that...” You sheepishly say, observing his hands as they linger on your shirt. Your senses told you something was off.  “Did you have troubles at work today?”

The worry in your eyes melts his heart. Of course you were the one to peer through him and know exactly how he was feeling. 

“A few clientele at the bar today were-” He sighs, still fidgeting with the fabric of your shirt, recalling the events of the day, “-difficult to manage to say the least.” He lifts his head to meet his gaze. “You have no idea how glad I am to see you.” 

Your arms instinctually wrap around him and he collapses into them. Tightening your embrace, he rests his head on your shoulder.

“Diluc, I just took a shower.” You say with a light giggle, trying to pull your hair away from his face.

He feels your breath close to his ear and he wishes he could have recorded that laugh for himself to hear it over and over again. 

“I could tell.” He breathes deeply. “Is this a new shampoo?”

“Well yes, but what I meant from that is that my hair is still wet!”

You feel him smile against you. “It doesn’t bother me. Just a few more seconds, please. I need to recharge.” 

WANDERER ⟡

You share an apartment together since you travel to and from the same university. Although you’re studying different degrees and have different schedules, you’ll both make an effort to spend time together at home during the weekdays. 

You and Wanderer leave little notes cheering each other on and stick them to the walls or the fridge before you leave, or sneak them into pencil cases or onto laptop screens. He has a small box on his desk where he collects all your notes, neatly folding them up to preserve them.

Wanderer enjoys having the home quite minimalist. Just the essentials will do, but the two of you do splurge a bit more on your study space —  the comfiest chairs, wide desks, tactile keyboards — anything to liven up having to do assignments all the time.  

When you’re feeling too tired or distracted from your own studies, you’ll walk over to his desk and try to sit on his lap while he works. He’ll attempt to exert some self-control and reject your wishes, but eventually gives in after seeing your pout.

“Just because you’re distracted doesn’t give you any right to bother me.” He grumbles, resting his chin on your head.

He warns you that if you do decide to put plants in the house, you are responsible for them. Little do you know that he’s secretly also invested in their health. On mornings when you’re in a rush and forget to water them, he’ll spritz them with your spray bottle thinking to himself: If you died (Y/N) would be devastated, so don’t even think about it.

His favourite room is the bedroom. It’s a place for both of you to escape the stresses of being a student and relax together.

The alarm clock beeps and you wiggle in bed, reaching over a hand to quickly silence it. Bright sun filters in through the curtains, its light diffusing into the room. 

You force your eyes open and sit up, your body bent over like a crooked branch. Movement beside you pulls your attention as Wanderer shifts in his sleep. You can’t deny how pretty he looks even at rest. His long lashes fanned out under closed eyes, the steady rise and fall of his chest with each deep breath. His expression is that of pure peace. You know that’ll soon disappear when you both need to properly wake up and prepare for classes.

“Hey, it’s time to wake up,” you whisper, carefully coaxing him from slumber. 

Wanderer opens his bleary eyes ever so slightly, then immediately closes them. He mumbles something of refusal. You roll your eyes in resignation. When it comes to sleep, he acts like a child sometimes. You turn to get out of bed. 

Two arms wrap around your waist and yank you back. You stumble into the sheets with a yelp. Wanderer adjusts the blanket over you and pulls you closer to him with one hand. 

“Not yet.” His voice is low and scratchy, his words slurred. “Want more time in bed… with you.” 

You sigh softly, absentmindedly running a hand through his hair to detangle it. “You do this almost every morning. You’re never going to attend your lectures on time.”

He replies by nuzzling into your neck, and you hear nothing but his slow breaths. His peers would have sooner called identity fraud than believe the stony and scholarly Wanderer to be this clingy and affectionate in the morning. However, in the privacy of just you, it’s become easy for him to let down his guard. 

“Don’t try to get out of this by pretending to be asleep.” You say, deadpan.

There’s a stutter in his breathing as you catch his obvious charade. 

“Stop worrying. I’ll just watch the recording.” He finally responds. 

You realise in a fluster just how close your faces are, barely inches apart. As if sensing this, Wanderer opens his eyes once again, this time there’s a glint of mischief in them. 

He taps his forehead lightly against your own. “And besides, why would I want to spend my mornings in a noisy lecture hall when I can be with you in peace and quiet?”

CHILDE ⟡

You’ve been living together for a while now, and your home has transformed into what can only be described as organised chaos.

If Childe kept up with his interior designing eagerness, it would have been complete maximalism, but you were there to contain his excitement and still ensure your home was still practical. 

The two of you love collecting pillows, plushies and blankets, which adds even more to the cosiness! However, one day you tried to sit down on the couch and realised it was more pillows than actual seat space. In a fit of laughter, you and Childe ruled that you would rotate between different cushions every so often so you could get your couch back. 

Childe will still come home with flowers or sweets (sometimes both) as gifts for you on random nights. He’ll stand on the doorstep looking like a lovesick teenage boy asking his crush out on a date. Taking them from his hands, you’ll ask what the occasion is.

“Well, there isn’t a particular occasion.” He kisses you on the forehead. “Celebrating you should be an everyday thing.”

Board game nights are taken very seriously. You have a bookshelf filled with different types of them. Whether it’s a classic game of UNO or Jenga, or something a little more strategic, he's always hyper-competitive. You also have special punishments for if one of you loses, which are harmless but maybe a little embarrassing (One of his favourite punishments for you is ‘For the entire day tomorrow, Childe will only call (Y/N) by the cheesiest pet names’). 

MASSIVE kitchen since he loves to cook. He keeps a book of recipes from his mum and has since added new ones of his own that he has shared with you. 

“Could you come over here, baby?”

You follow your partner’s voice and the scent of something freshly baked into the kitchen.

Childe is standing behind the counter, his face in deep focus. He takes one of an array of heart-shaped biscuits and dips half of it in a bowl of chocolate before placing it on a lined baking sheet. The sleeves of his dress shirt are rolled up, exposing his forearms. His muscular build is sharply juxtaposed by the cream-coloured apron tied around himself, which has a little teddy bear embroidered in its centre. 

You approach the kitchen bench, eyes sparkling with excitement. “Are they ready yet? Can I try one?” You eagerly ask. 

“Not quite, I need help dipping the rest of these into chocolate.” He stretches his arms out in front of him, shaking the tension out of them.

“That being said,” he grins, extending a hand towards you across the kitchen bench as an offer, “would you do me the honour of being my baking assistant for a little?” 

Chuckling at his dramatics, you delicately place your hand in his like royalty. “I’d be delighted to help.”  

Childe guides you to his side and helps you put on your apron. As he ties the strings together, he relays the instructions to you. 

“You just need to dip half of the biscuit into chocolate, and then add some sprinkles on top before it sets.” He tightens the bow around your waist to secure it.

How hard could that be? You think, nodding along to his words.

Demoing an example, Childe deftly coats half of the biscuit. Angling it just right, the chocolate drips off and evens itself out, leaving a perfect covered half. After placing it on the tray and adding the finishing touch of sprinkles, he gestures for you to try it yourself.

You confidently take one biscuit and dunk it. 

“Ah!” 

Underestimating its consistency, when you lift the biscuit, the chocolate slowly spreads onto the other half of the heart and drips onto your fingers. You quickly place it onto the baking sheet. Childe stifles his laugh, covering his mouth with the back of his hand. 

“My one looks so much worse compared to yours…” you mutter, licking your fingers to remove the evidence of your unsuccessful attempt. 

Seeing the frown on your face, he gently bumps your shoulder with his own in encouragement. “Don’t say that! I think your one has a lot more charm.” He says, adding the sprinkles onto your heart. “I’ll run some extra baking classes with you to build up your skills, how does that sound?”

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[mageofgoobygrove]

following up on that boundaries thing but thats great to hear!! in that case, could i request astarion and/or gale with a partner who doesnt like and doesnt do sex? theyre still affectionate otherwise, they just arent comfortable with sex. ❤️❤️

Imagine…

Astarion with a s/o who isn’t interested in sex.

(a/n: i was going to do both characters but i wanted to give astarion a spotlight since this is the first request i’ve gotten for him! not to mention i had SO many shower thoughts for this prompt. hope you enjoy! also if this went off track…im so sorry. so many thoughts so many thoughtS IM PLAGUED BY THOUGHTS)

Astarion’s relationship with you was strange from the very beginning.

During the tiefling party, he decided to strike. Offer himself to you and lead you down a path for his own safety. He was convinced you’d give yourself to him, he saw how you looked at him. Your eyes said more than any other part of you could.

So, why the bloody hell did you reject him? He managed to conceal his frustration and go on with his night. Perhaps you wanted a piece of Lae’zel, or Gale—it didn’t matter. There was still hope you’d come back.

And come back you did. After the party, you came to his tent with sweet bread. For yourself, of course. You promised not to give him any after he expressed distaste.

Thus, began his relationship with you. Rather than sleep with him, or another member of your camp, you wanted to sit and…spend time together. Talk once the rest were fast asleep, laugh about the little dents throughout your journey together.

He never experienced anything like it. People would come to him, take and take and take. Never was he given something so small, yet so meaningful.

Despite being a vampire, he experienced many firsts with you.

Eventually he offered himself again, teasing that he’d broken your barriers by now. Even then, you said no. And he didn’t understand.

“Well…well, why not?” He felt exasperated.

You stared at him, a little concerned with his response. Maybe you should’ve came clean earlier, but it wasn’t an easy topic.

“I’m not interested,” you stated, processing how to explain without feeling embarrassed. “I’m interested in you, Astarion. I want you, but not in that way. I’ve never wanted anyone in that way.”

For a moment you believed he’d call it quits. It was casual but it’d still hurt. You hadn’t known each other long, but you cared for him.

He didn’t leave. Instead, you only grew closer.

After your interaction with Araj Oblodra, more than a confession happened that night. Astarion took you to the outskirts of camp and opened himself completely. You had already done so, shouldn’t he do the same? But it wasn’t to be even. He found himself longing to tell you the truth, to free himself from the deceit. To express what you made bubble up inside of him.

When you hugged him, it was difficult to let go.

Later in the night you returned to camp and to his tent. As the moon shone, you held each other throughout. It became your new normal, sticking by his side and his by yours.

It was a comfort, existing with you. No pressure of sex, but still a need to keep you happy. And you were happy, either from a deep kiss or a quick peck.

Through some walks, when you were behind the rest, you’d hold hands. You’d share what sweets you found in hopes of finding a taste he’d enjoy. He’d gift you pieces of jewelry he found on bodies and polish them for hours.

Those simple pleasures only strengthened after Cazador’s defeat. When Astarion took you to his grave, he crushed the Szarr ring beneath his boot and spent the rest of the night holding you. As he looked to the stars, your eyes stayed on him.

“Do you wish it was different?” You ask quietly, hand combing through his hair. It wasn’t the question you wanted to ask, but you didn’t have the courage to face the truth.

“No,” he looks to you. His crimson eyes seemed lighter. “This is perfect.”

You smile at his response. He was perfect, flaws and all.

[buckyownsmylife]

don't - manager!henry cavill smut

The one where Henry is your much older manager, but that doesn’t stop you from falling for him.

Warnings: age gap, secret relationship, parents disapproval, smut, unprotected sex, celeb!reader

Henry’s P.O.V.

I watched her from afar, the flashing lights not nearly as blinding as she could be. She was magnificent, but not because of the designer dress or the bling that she was always scared would be too much. It was all her. Her personality, her smile, the way her eyes shined brighter than anything under the sun. And when her eyes met mine after she was done posing for the pictures, I felt like time had stopped right then and there.

I should be so lucky.

She smiled at me, and I couldn’t help but think that this was unfair. Why was I so much older than her? Why did we have to meet in these circumstances? Why had I met someone so close to perfection, only to be unable to ever have her?

Those were ridiculous questions, I knew. Questions I’d never know the answer. And while sometimes the anger of having to stand so close to paradise without being able to live in it did consume my waking thoughts and recurring nightmares, most of the time I was able to live with that knowledge.

The knowledge that at least I could be near her. Touch her. Have her the way I wanted to. Even if it wasn't exactly that. It was something, at least. It was better than nothing. Having her was better than not being near her at all.

“You ready to go?” She asked when she approached me, and I swallowed down the lump in my throat to guide her through the sea of people in the direction of our seats. She hesitated for a second, looking in the direction of the exit, but came anyway. I knew what she was thinking and feeling - I’d known her long enough, intimately enough, to know that there was nothing that she despised more than this sort of event.

“It’ll be over soon,” I reminded her, even though it wasn’t necessarily the truth, simply because I couldn’t reach out and hold her hand like I wanted to actually comfort her. “We’ll be back home in no time.” When she looked up at me, I could see in her eyes that the words had elicited the same thoughts in her as they did in me.

Home. The place where we didn’t have to hide.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

I took a deep breath when we were inside the house again and the door closed behind us, signaling the end of a long and tiring day. It felt like the first one I’d done in a long time, like I’d been deep underwater and only now was able to get back to the surface, reacquaint myself with the oxygen again.

It wasn’t all bad, I know, but it *was getting harder and harder to get through these things when I had him so close to me, but had to stop myself from reaching out and just hold his hand like I wanted to. The more in love I fell, the harder it was to remember that the world shouldn’t know about this feeling that had grown between us. It was difficult to believe that opening our relationship to outsider’s views wouldn’t simply maximize this feeling of peace that I only got when I was with him.

“Tell me the truth,” he started, and I already smiled, despite my somber mood. “Didn’t you have a good time, after all?” It had been a nice night, that remained true despite my tendency to focus on the bad. I’d even won a couple awards, and that always felt nice. Still, it hurt so much not to be able to thank him when I went up there, and I couldn’t recognize his role in my life for what it truly was - my inspiration, my love.

“Yes.” It was clear that my word hid a ‘but’. “I just wish everyone could know I’m yours.” It was then, and only then, that I turned around to meet his eyes. I don’t know what I expected to find there - probably understanding, maybe even resentment for finding himself stuck in this situation with me, but when pain was what I found in his beautiful eyes, my bottom lip started trembling.

“I owe you so much, Bear.” I’d been calling him that ever since we first started working together, when I was still a teenager with big dreams and no real understanding of how Hollywood worked. “I just wanted to be able to acknowledge that.”

He pulled me into his arms then, but instead of just holding me against his chest, like he usually did when he wanted to comfort me, his hands cradled my face and I instinctively raised to my tiptoes so he could lap into my mouth, tasting me for the first time in the evening. It felt so good to have his lips on mine again, it felt like a lifetime away when I was last able to kiss him. So I lost myself in the kiss, allowing him to take my hair out of the fancy bun so he could bury his fingers in my strands, curl them to pull me away from him and say, “You’re everything to me, darling. People knowing about it won’t change a thing. My smile is still for you and you only, just like I know yours is for me.”

My heart filled with love for the man in front of me. I let him pick me up, wrapping my legs around him as he took us to the bedroom we’d been sharing for so long, promising me that he’d “make me forget all about it.” 

And that’s when I remembered why we stayed together despite the hardships. I’d live through one thousand shitty days if it meant I’d get to have him like this at night, mine and only mine.

Our lips were still fused together when he deposited me by the foot of the bed, and I felt his fingers slowly unzip my dress until he could slip it off of me. “Let’s go to bed, baby.” I’d follow him anywhere if he just kept looking at me like that.

Henry’s P.O.V.

I couldn’t stop the small smile from spreading over my face as I watched her join me in bed, her body trembling with anticipation. She was always so eager, my little angel. It only made me feel more powerful, knowing how thoroughly she enjoyed it when I took care of her. 

And God, how I loved taking care of her. “You look so beautiful like this, my love,” I whispered as I cupped her face with one hand, guiding her to climb my body with the other. “You want me to fuck you?” By now she couldn’t speak, just whine. Her smaller body rubbed against my lower belly, her pussy betraying her desire as it slathered her wetness just over my stomach.

“Come here, let me give you what you need.” I easily adjusted her so she’d be hovering right over my cock before I pulled her down by her hips, a gasp escaping me as I felt her tightness slowly engulfing my hard member. Instinctively, my thumb found her nub, rubbing it in tight little circles so I could be sure she would find her pleasure before me. “Yeah, you like that, huh?” I teased when she whimpered, hips following my movement as she narrowed her eyes at me.

I raised my feet to the bed so I could have the leverage I needed to invert our positions, taking advantage of the space between her legs to stuff myself inside of her over and over again. I loved feeling her from the inside. I loved that I was the only one to have her like this, the only one who knew what made her fall apart and meet the heavens above. I’d spent the entire ceremony thinking about this moment and now that I had her, I wanted to appreciate every single sound that escaped her perfect lips.

It was bliss, having her like this, hearing her moans and being the cause for them. I knew just how to make her louder, I knew just what and how she liked it. Thinking back on how it had all started, I never expected to have the luck I now knew I possessed, being with her like this.

I came inside of her with a shudder. It was the sight of her fucked out face, her eyes hazy with bliss, and the knowledge that I was about to get her dirty with my seed that ultimately had me reaching my own orgasm.

“You’re mine, darling,” I assured her, pulling out to lay back on the bed and bring her to my chest. “I’d do anything for you.” And I knew she was aware of that. Her only response was to push away from my heartbeat to deposit a kiss on my lips - a passionate, breathtaking kiss, that left me with my eyes closed for a few seconds after we parted.

“I love you, Henry.”

Y/N’s P.O.V.

I woke up with a familiar ache between my legs, the perfect mixture of sensitive and empty that had me filling myself with two fingers only to find the remnants of last night waiting for me. My heart pounded as I considered talking to Henry about stopping taking the pill. It was something that had been in my mind for a while and never failed to make me aroused, but I still hadn’t found the courage to address it with him.

Maybe today was the day.

Deciding to take a quick shower before finding something to eat - I was always starving when I woke up, considering all the exercise Henry made me do just before falling asleep - I quickly washed my body before throwing a simple dress over it, hopping downstairs to fix the both of us breakfast before he woke up.

That was how Henry found me in the kitchen, wearing only some sweatpants, his body still deliciously wet from his own shower when he pressed it against me to give me a quick kiss on the temple.

“Hmm… Good morning, honey,” I greeted after he parted, laughing lightly when he went back to press another peck on my lips.

“Any morning with you is a great one, my love.” My heartbeat raced out of control, still not used to hearing these sorts of comments from him, even after all this time together.

The food was ready, so I turned the stove off, fully prepared to plate it for the both of us, but before I could, two hands made their way to my hips, quickly spinning me around to meet his lips once more.

“Henry!” I jokingly admonished, laughter spilling from my lips whenever he let go just to come back for another kiss again. “Baby, the food is going to get cold…” He didn’t seem to mind, too preoccupied with stealing kisses from me. I was about to give up and pull him in for a deep one when the doorbell rang, startling me into jumping away from his embrace.

“Gosh, who could it be?” The answer came sooner than expected since instead of waiting for one of us to go get the door, keys were heard and then it was being opened by the visitors, who clearly had a way of entering my house, which could only meant one thing: they were my parents.

“Oh, no.” The words escaped my lips before I could reel them in, as I considered the situation my parents would find us: Henry without a shirt on as we made breakfast for the both of us.

“Good morning!” My mom greeted us before stopping by the threshold of the kitchen, her eyes skimming the scene in front of us, just as my father did the same. “Are we interrupting something?”

That was a heavy question because the truth was a resounding yes, they were. In all of the years Henry and I had been together, my parents had never even gotten close to finding out about us - I made sure of that. But the last few months, with the paparazzi shots and inquiring fans, even they had become a bit uncomfortable about my relationship with my manager, and I couldn’t blame them for questioning when I knew what was the truth.

I was in love with a man twice my age, and there was nothing I could do about it. There was nothing that I wished to do, except keep on loving him forever and ever, until my dying days.

“Sweetheart, we came here to congratulate you on your win last night…” My mother rushed to explain, but not before sending a weird look towards Henry and I. “But also to grab that jacket that you promised to let me borrow, remember?”

I did. I also knew this was nothing but an excuse to get me out of the room, but I didn’t know how to fight back. “Please, go grab it for me,” my mother insisted, and after sending one last look to my beloved, I did exactly as she told me to, feeling a heavy weight on my chest for having left Henry behind.

Henry’s P.O.V.

“Stay, Henry.” I had tried to escape after she left, even though it was rude to leave guests unattended, but we all knew where this was headed, and it was a shit storm I was not looking forward to face. “We’d like to talk to you.”

I nodded and waited, wondering which one of the two would be the first to break the apparent calm exterior they were working so hard to maintain.

It was him.

“How could you?” Punching the island, it was a surprise that Y/N didn’t run back at the sound that she surely heard. “That’s my baby, and you took advantage of her!”

“I did no such thing,” I rushed to defend myself. “She’s an adult, she can make her own decisions. Don’t diminish her intelligence by making it seem as if she can’t.” He shook her head vehemently at that, and I knew I wouldn’t get through to him. It was his daughter we were talking about, his baby.

“Mom, dad.” It was her, and she looked pissed. So I was right, she had heard the sound of him punching the island because she didn’t even have the jacket her mother had told her to go get.

“Yes, it’s true. Henry and I are together, and there’s nothing that you can do about it.” Her parents’ mouths opened in protest, but she shut them up by holding her hand up in a gesture of patience.

“No, you need to hear this.” We all remained silent as we waited for what she had to share, and my heart sped up in anxiety at the prospect of what was to come. “I owe him everything. He knows me better than anyone else. And I can’t stand the thought of you ever doubting his character.”

While her parents rushed to apologize, all I could do was stand there and stare admiringly at the woman that I loved, the woman who had defended me so fiercely to her own parents.

Too bad I wouldn’t be able to show her my appreciation tonight.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

“Henry? What are you doing here?” I whispered-yelled at the man who was climbing onto my bed as if my parents weren’t on the room next-door.

“I can’t sleep without your body on top of mine,” he explained, and how could I be mad at that? Relaxing against my sheets, I allowed him to move so he’d glue his body against mine, but I wasn’t counting on feeling his incredible hard-on pressed against my thigh.

The rush of lust that engulfed me was instantaneous, and I turned around to capture his lips in a kiss, all while I climbed onto his body so I could rub my cunt against his clothed member.

“Are you sure?” Was all he asked, always so in sync to me that we didn’t need more than a few words to know what the other wanted, so I nodded. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to walk in the morning, but it would be worth it.

“Shh… You’ll have to be quiet, baby,” he tried to quiet me down as he slipped inside of me, and I inhaled sharply, trying to get through the first bite of pain of being stretched so throughly.

“There you go…” He silenced my cries with a kiss, and it didn’t take long for us to meet bliss together, as I laid spent on his chest.

“Are they right?” He asked suddenly, cutting through the silence of the night.

“No.” My answer was instantaneous, and I pushed myself away from his chest so I could stare into his eyes as I spoke the next few words in my mind: “No one can love me like you.”

“Do you love me?” It was my turn to be insecure, even though I knew the answer to the question, and I was reminded of it by the smile in his face.

“You’re the only one for me,” he reassured me with a deep kiss that left me breathless, and I kept my eyes closed after we parted.

“I hate the thought of not waking up next to you tomorrow,” I admitted, knowing he’d have to sneak out after I was asleep. He clutched me tighter against his chest, brushing a kiss against my forehead.

“I hope you know, I’ll never let you go.” I nodded, almost asleep when he completed, “You do know you don’t owe me anything, right?”

“It’s thanks to you I found out what love is,” I quietly explained. “I owe you everything.”

[fyodoro]

helloooo!! can I request a the pjsk boys with a reader who is "perfect"/popular (example: good grades, a lot of friends, talented in art/most school subjects, etc) but they actually hate it (bc people keep using it as an argument when the reader discusses about their grades)? I'm sorry if this is too specific bc this is basically a summary of me 😭 But anyway, thanks in advance, I love your writing <)

-> 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐋𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐁𝐢𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞…

You can’t help being a natural at almost anything you do, just like others can’t help seeing that as your only trait. Fortunately, there’s always someone who doesn’t see you only for your skills…

With Akito Shinonome, Toya Aoyagi, Tsukasa Tenma & Rui Kamishiro | Genre - Comfort with a fair amount of angst

Cw) anxiety, pent up emotions, belittling, fights (none between reader and characters listed above), it gets noticeably shorter during Tsukasa’s part cause I was tired

Akito felt honored at first. You, of all people, saw something good enough in him that was actually worth something. It almost didn’t feel real. But this type of thinking didn’t last long, not even a week in fact.

He quickly realized he shouldn’t have been idolizing you the way he was, and you were still a regular person just like him. You may be more skilled, intelligent and quicker than others, but you were still a regular high schooler at the end of the day.

But that didn’t make others think the same way.

You made everything look so easy, so simple. Your peers admired you for this, and held you up on the pedestal Akito once did. A part of him worried about you. After all, all these people can’t acknowledge any flaws you have. You should be happy, right?

But that wasn’t the case at all.

You felt pressured, anxious, worried. What if you messed something up? Would anyone ever see you the same way? Everything had to be perfect, it just has to.

The street singer recognized your thinking, it felt all too familiar to him. He assured you it’s okay to make mistakes, and not everything has to be perfect. But that’s what he thinks, what about what everyone else thinks? It didn’t take long for you to find that out however.

“Ah, I can’t believe I failed the exam… I didn’t think it’d be that hard!” One of your classmates said.

“Tell me about it, half the questions weren’t even on the study guide we got.” Another classmate replied.

The exam was… hard. But it wasn’t impossible. It felt like it was designed to challenge everyone rather than actually test the students. Even you flunked the test a bit.

“I bet you (Name) over there still managed to get a 100, right (Name)?” One of which called over to you, you didn’t bother to remember who though.

“Actually… I got a lower grade as well. 78 out of a 100. It was pretty difficult this time.” You replied.

You were hoping your words would make the others feel less failure. If you got a low grade- what they considered a perfect classmate and student- then they shouldn’t stress too much over their failures. Right?

You wish you were right.

“Are you kidding me? You get a 100 on like… everything! How did your grade drop that bad?” The girl scowled at you, feeling as if you were mocking her for some reason.

“Well it wasn’t the easiest, and it was designed to challenge us, including me.” You said back. Your two classmates looked at you in disbelief. Were you being serious?

“It’s different coming from you. You place in the top 10 all the time during these tests! Usually your first! You should have been the one who passed.” Ouch.

Those words hit you like a brick. Yeah… they were right, you were supposed to be the saving grace for the class’s average. And you went ahead and flopped just like everyone else? They were right, you had no excuse.

The bell rang and you picked up your bag, hastily walking out of the classroom. You couldn’t be seen like this, everyone’s going to find out…

Navigating the crowded hallways, you search for the school’s exit. The staff will only think you got sick and had to go home, no one would ever think of you as a class cutter. If it’s only one time… they shouldn’t mind.

Right as you were about to push the door open, a hand grabs your shoulder.

“Where do you think your going..?” A familiar voice asked.

You turn around, fearing the worst and expecting to make eye contact with a teacher.

“…without me.” He finished.

“Akito!”

He let go of your shoulder, figuring you got the hint. He chuckled a bit as your face showed relief. ‘They must have been really worried about getting caught.’ He thinks.

“Great to see you too. Now, would you answer the question?” His voice sounded stern, yet playful.

“It was just… a bad time today. In class I mean. Um, I don’t think I feel comfortable talking about it here though.” You said. The last thing you needed was for anyone to hear how badly you thought you screwed up.

“Alright then, lead the way.”

You looked both ways, making sure there were no witnesses nearby before pushing the door open and making a run for it, your boyfriend not far behind. You two ran for a few minutes until it was ensured no one was after you.

But neither of you quit moving. Akito wouldn’t say it himself, but he was also itching to get out of there, and was kinda grateful you were as well. Otherwise, he’d probably be suffering alone in school right now. You both were itching to get home- either of your homes.

Opening your front door- much calmer than the last door you opened, you didn’t waste a second to walk through. Kicking off your shoes and hanging your bag up, the ginger behind you following suit, you were finally home.

“So, what happened earlier?” He asked, throwing himself on your bed.He’s been wondering ever since he caught you at the school door, it was very out of character for you to.. rebel… like that.

“Right.. I had a little slip up in class. They were talking about tests grades- the most recent one they got. Everyone either failed or got below an 80, including me. I thought… I thought telling them I had a low grade as well would make them feel a bit better. But they got frustrated- saying something about how I can’t possibly fail a test.” You sighed, it was still fresh in your mind. Even as you crawled into your bed where you’re supposed to be calm.

Akito stayed silent for a moment, gathering his thoughts and thinking of the right words to use. Even if you didn’t say it flat out, he knew you were troubled at the thought of people thinking differently of you. You felt this strange ‘responsibility’ of maintaining this perfectionist reputation. He was never sure how to feel about that. Should he have reassured you more? Been more worried? He couldn’t help but feel guilty.

“You shouldn’t worry about what those bitches think. They clearly didn’t understand that test wasn’t meant to be passed with a perfect score, huh? You did though, and you still passed right? Even if you failed, that’s okay. At the end of the day… isn’t it just a number?”

You took a moment to process his words. He was right, you did still pass. Even if it wasn’t a perfect score… a passing grade is enough, right?

“You don’t like the way you are, don’t you?” He continued, this time getting past your imaginary mask.

You shook your head silently. Of course you didn’t. Everyone expects so much from you all the time, it’s so… stressful. You despised it, you’d do anything to be an average person.

He didn’t need you to say anything, your reaction was enough. He shifted closer to you so his presence felt less vague, it comforted you.

“I hope you realize you don’t have to do everything right, and I never want you to feel as if you have to keep that up around me.” Your heart warmed, of course he’d say that.

Even if everyone else wanted the most from you, Akito only wanted whatever you had to give. If it was nothing, that’s fine. You alone is enough for him.

It was hard for anyone to imagine Toya with a partner who’s so… outgoing. Even if it wasn’t intentional, you seemed to know anyone and everyone in the district. But as they say, opposites attract.

He never minded how well known you were. At times he may feel just a tad jealous when someone holds you up for too long, but besides that, it was never too much of a bother. He may not know what it’s like to be in your shoes, but he thought he had a good idea of what it was like.

Everyone knew you, almost all of them taking a liking to you. It was rare to hear of someone who disliked you for reasons other than jealousy. You must always have options when it comes to going out, and you’re probably entertained at functions like that often.

At least, that’s what Toya believed at first.

Slowly over time, he began to pick up on your sudden shifts in facial expressions. You were all smiles when an acquaintance came up to talk to you. But the moment they walked away, your face instantly dropped into what looked like annoyance.

You’d giggle with someone, but once they left you scoffed. You’d gossip with someone else, and once they left you’d roll your eyes. But not once did you verbally express complaint.

Toya was no idiot, he realized your stance on your popularity. You weren’t happy about it, at all. He intended in speaking to you about it eventually, but it came sooner than planned unexpectedly…

You were walking down the streets with Toya, on your way to meet up with his group at one of their favorite locations. There were more people walking than usual today, but you didn’t pay any mind to it, considering it irrelevant. But little did you know…

“Oh look, it’s (Name) and their boyfriend! How are you two?” A chipper girl said. She had an… odd… look in her eyes.

“We’re doing pretty good! We were just on our way to meet up with friends actually!” You smiled sweetly, but you felt sick to your stomach knowing who this girl was.

“That’s so cute! If you don’t mind, can me and my friends over there tag along? We won’t be a bother, I swear!” She practically squealed that first part, leaving your ears ringing.

Toya looked between you, the girl, and her friends a few feet away. He caught on to what you were thinking, thankfully.

“Apologies, but the meeting is exclusively for close friends. And we’re in a hurry, so if you’ll excuse us…”

‘He’s my saving grace’ You thought. Although, you thought just a little too soon.

“Wow (Name), you never said anything about your boyfriend being such a douche. You seriously gonna let him make these decisions for you?” You internally screamed at her, calling her all sorts of names. Of course, you refrained from this on the outside.

“He’s not making decisions for me, we are actually in a hurry and this meeting is exclusively for close friends. We need to get going now…” You took off, grabbing Toya’s hand in the process before she could say anything else.

You sighed, of course you had to have a run in like that on what was supposed to be a good day. Who knows what you’ll come home to hear this time. What’s it going to be now? You were a bitch to someone you barley knew simply because you didn’t want to be late? That is something they’d say to bring you down.

The hangout went smooth, no more random encounters with randoms. But the scene from earlier related over and over in your mind.

“(Name), are you alright?” Toya asked. He asked quietly in order to avoid attracting the attention of others, you found it considerate.

“I’m alright, just thinking. That’s all.” Liar.

Toya nodded, averting his attention back to the recording An and Akito were making him listen to. Apparently they were coming up with a new song for their next event, and wanted his input on it.

You found yourself dissociating from the group. It’s been hours, and you just wanted to get home to find out if anything new was spread about you.

“It’s getting late, I think me and (Name) are gonna head home now. Is that good, (Name)?” You practically jumped out of your seat when you heard “head home.”

“Yeah, I’m ready. I’m exhausted and need to go to sleep… I’ll see you all later!” You waved goodbye to everyone alongside Toya. Exiting Weekend Garage, making your way to Toya’s place.

The walk was silent, but a comfortable silent. Neither of you said a word the whole way to his place, but you still knew what the other was thinking.

Opening the door, he stepped aside to let you in first.

“We need to talk about something.” He said.

‘There it is…’ you thought. It was only a matter of time. He lead you upstairs to his room, hoping you’d be more comfortable talking in his own space. You took your spot on his bed, waiting for his next words.

“You’ve been acting strange, or I’ve noticed how strange you act. Specifically when your around people who seem to know you. Does that… make you uncomfortable?” Maybe it wasn’t the time to think of it, but you were relieved this wasn’t a breakup talk.

“It’s… complicated.”

“I’ll listen to any complications you have.”

Taking a deep breath, you let everything out. All the pent up frustration you’ve kept in for so long.

“I’m just so… annoyed. Annoyed with everyone. Not you of course, but all these other people. Everyone thinks I’m happy to hear their gossip about others, but it just makes me view everyone involved differently. Like that girl we saw today, she’s a cheating bitch who cheated on all her exes for some random guy she meets. And then if I tell anyone what I think of someone else, I’m the two-faced one.” You took another breath, you needed it after all that talking.

You threw your head back to the wall, sighing again. You weren’t even sure how it got like this, when all these people saw you as a comfort person. It was starting to stress you out.

Thankfully, Toya caught on. He took your hand in his and started rubbing circles on the back of your hand with his thumb. It’s the little actions that always mean the most.

“I couldn’t possibly know how you feel. But what I can tell you is that none of those people deserve you. If all they do is bad mouth others to you, messing with your head, then they could do the same thing back to you. You deserve the best possible friends out there, not people who think they know you.”

“You say I deserve the best friends, but I already have the best boyfriend, don’t I?” You pointed out. His cheeks flushed a bit, but only briefly.

You chuckled at his reaction, pulling him into a hug.

“Thank you, Toya. You’re the only person I ever want to know. Well, our other friends as well. But especially you.”

He smiled into your hair. Both of you were really lucky, huh?

You were always quite talented at the arts. Whether it be musical arts, visual arts, or any other type of art, it was guaranteed you would excel. This was what inevitably drew Tsukasa towards you. He found your talent admirable, and aspired to reach your level of skill one day.

Whenever you drew around him, he watched intently, starry eyes following every pencil stroke you made. Whenever you played an instrument near him, he’d drop whatever he was going to listen. It was almost spell-bounding to him.

You of course, appreciated his enthusiasm. But sometimes you wished he’d focus a little less on whatever your doing and focus more on you. You implied this discreetly once in a conversation, and he didn’t realize till later. Once he realized though, he thought it was better to focus on you more anyways.

If Tsukasa is able to pick up on that, shouldn’t anyone else be able to? You wished that was the case

You groaned out in frustration as yet another peer handed you their art assignment to “help” with. They disguised it as help, but in reality they only wanted you to finish it for them, that way they get a better grade. It was… annoying to say the least.

Examining what was left, it seemed possible to get it done before the class ends. You got to work immediately in order to avoid any more pestering later.

As usual, other students gathered over your shoulder. Some were a little too close for comfort, and it was starting to distract you. A lot.

“I’m sorry, but could you please back up a bit? You’re in my personal space and it’s pretty distracting.” You asked as politely as possible.

The male rolled his eyes a bit before backing up. You thought that would be the end of it- you wished that was the end of it. Unfortunately, it wasn’t.

“What do they mean they’re ‘distracted’? They were doing just fine when I was standing that close. Making a big deal out of nothing… geez.” He spoke up, a little too late after he moved away.

Your wrist stopped, dropping the pencil. ‘What’s his problem?’

“Excuse me?”

Anyone who wasn’t looking before was definitely looking now. The room went dead quiet after hearing the malice in your voice. Others near you backed away, while some got a bit closer to hear better.

“You didn’t hear me the first time? I said you’re making a big deal out of nothing. You were doing just fine. Was all that attention not enough for you? You wanted more? Well you definitely got it now.” He laughed at bit after that last remark, pissing you off even more.

“I heard you loud and clear the first time. Just wanted to see if you had the guts to repeat it is all.”

“Oh yeah? And what were you going to do if I didn’t?”

You abruptly stood up, getting more and more irritated with every second that passed. The look on this guy’s face was enough to frustrate you alone, his words were just additions to that.

You were toe to toe with him now. Your other classmates were finally backing away now, but the only one who didn’t stayed toe to toe with you.

“Cute, you’re just gonna stand there?” He mocked.

Clenching your fist as tight as ever, you raised it. The punch was swift, but it felt like a stab in the stomach to him.

“(Full Name). Office, now.” Apparently in the midst of everything, someone went off to get a teacher before it could escalate to… that. While they were a little late, it definitely prevented it from escalating further.

You walked to the office with the teacher, holding your head down in shame. It felt like all eyes were on you, and everything sounded so quiet. The only good thing to come out of this was getting sent home early.

You got let off with a 2 day suspension, while the one who provoked you only got a detention. It pissed you off reasonably, but there wasn’t anything you could do about it. Because he didn’t attack first or even attack at all, you were seen as the problem.

“…and that’s how my day went. Sorry Tsukasa, I won’t see you around school for a few days.” You finished telling your boyfriend all the events that occurred today, and why someone told him to ‘get his partner in check.’

He sat in front of you dumbfounded. For a moment, he felt all the rage you felt when everything was happening. He was almost as pissed off as you were at the detention punishment as well.

“But you were being harassed! It wasn’t physical, but who knew if that guy was going to throw a punch first. You were only sticking up for yourself!” He exclaimed. You sighed, muttering an “I know” under your breath.

He huffed, crossing his arms to express his seriousness right now.

“Well… I don’t think you did anything wrong. Shouldn’t the girl who made you finish her art project be blamed for all this? If she never gave it to you then this all could have been avoided!”

“I thought about that, but she wasn’t even in the room when all this happened. And it still comes back to me for doing her project anyways.”

Tsukasa sensed your frustration. He tried to calm himself down to avoid adding onto it, but it was still in the back of his mind.

“The only way any of this could have been avoided is if I sucked at art.” You bluntly said. Tsukasa turned his head, looking at you with wide eyes.

“Why would you want to suck at art though?” He asked.

“It’d keep people away from me, make them stop seeing me as a homework machine or something. I don’t like the kind of attention it gives me.”

He tried to understand where you were coming from, but it was difficult. He loves the attention being a self proclaimed star gets him, and would never want to give his title up. But you were the complete opposite.

Still, even if he didn’t understand, he’d try his best.

“I think… I think what you do is amazing (Name). But I don’t think it’s amazing that people use you for your talent, and I find it even less amazing how it deteriorates your self esteem.” He tried to keep his voice as soft as possible.

“Thank you, Tsukasa. I just… I just wish things went a little differently for me, that’s all.”

He could understand that this time. Sometimes he wished things went differently for him as well, but that thought was buried in the back of his mind with all the others.

He took your hand in his, reassuring you he wasn’t going anywhere. He swore he’d always see you as who you were as a person before your talents.

And it worked. The built up anger finally dying down.

Your scientific mind never went unnoticed by Rui. How could it be? Not only was it a trait he found quite attractive, but it was also what lead to your relationship with each other.

Not a day went by where he didn’t appreciate your love for all things science related. You’d frequently ask him questions about his own inventions, even offering help with a handful of them. The ones you assisted him with felt more important than any other inventions he had.

You were placed in the highest science courses available. Chemistry, physics, biology, you were somehow taking all of them at once. The school saw you as some sort of “prodigy” and wanted to push you as best as they possibly could. Which certainly worked! But…

Some students weren’t as welcoming as others. Not everyone thought your vast knowledge in science was normal, some even considered it ‘unhealthy.’ You tried your best to ignore them, but it’s hard to ignore something that’s right in front of you.

With chemistry involving, well, chemicals, your class was often in a lab room during the period. The professor enjoyed being unpredictable, so you never knew what to expect walking into the room. But you wouldn’t have thought he’d try something so… inconsiderate.

The first thing you noticed was a chart projected on the board, the second thing you notice is that it’s a seating chart. Any groups from earlier in the year were changed into random clusters. Some were excited for this change, while others, including yourself, groaned out in frustration.

Because of course, you just had to have the worst group.

Two members of the table seemed to be familiar with each other already, giggling amongst themselves. The third person looked completely out of it, not appearing to be paying attention to anything going on around him. You were already feeling like the odd one out here.

“Oh look, we have (Name) in our group! This class should be much easier now.” One of the girls said.

You looked at her for a moment, averting your guys to other next to her. She seemed to find what her friend said amusing, you could tell what was going on already.

“(Name) did I ever tell you how gorgeous your eyes are? Does wearing those… science goggles make your eyes look prettier?” Her smile seemed as fake as her lashes, but for now you just had to stay civil…

You tune the rest of the room out to focus on the assignment handed to you. All you had to do was write a few equations and answer some questions… nothing too bad. If you finish early, you can probably get out of this class sooner.

Your focus was disrupted by obnoxious tapping on the table.

“Can you give me the answers when you’re done?” Your group-mate asked. It took every ounce of self control to avoid rolling your eyes and turning away, instead you pretended you never heard her.

“Hello? Anyone there? Earth to (Name)~!” She said in a sing song voice. Still, as long as you pretend you never heard it…

“God, can they be anymore rude? They think they’re the shit just cause they’re in all these science courses. Just grow up already!” At that point she knew you were listening, and was resorting to shit talk to get your attention.

Unfortunately that was what grabbed your attention. Peering up at the girl with a look of annoyance, she giggled again.

“Looks like someone can hear after all!”

“Fuck off.” You replied. Stuffing your paper into your bag, you asked the teacher if you could see the nurse, to which he agreed. You couldn’t stand that table already, and you have to do that for a whole semester? Hell no.

Some students were already on their free period or lunch, so the hallways were a bit crowded, but not terribly. Thankfully it made it much easier to spot a tall purple haired male nearby.

“Rui, there you are.” You said while practically running up to him.

“Well, if it isn’t dear (Name), shouldn’t you be in..” You cut him off.

“Chemistry? Yeah. I got out to ‘go to the nurse’ but I really just wanted to cut the rest of the class. We got new groups today- mine is the worst.”

“I see…” he replied.

It was clear you were unhappy with these new seats, but there wasn’t much you could do about them. Rui acknowledged this, and tried to come up with quick solutions on the spot. Though he could tell you about them later. Right now, you just need a shoulder to lean on it seems. Literally and figuratively.

You sighed into his shoulder as he played with you hair. It felt more private in this part of the school, so there was less shame in the PDA. Besides, it at least looked normal compared to other couples.

“I hate science.” You said.

“Excuse me?”

Maybe you could have phrased that better… but part of you meant that as well.

“I just hate how everyone treats me because of science, it’s not fair. I’m just ahead of everyone else and have a passion, why is that such a problem?” You continued.

Rui knew exactly what you meant. He spent years being outcasted for being a weirdo, primarily about science. It was easy to sympathize with you.

“I know what you mean… but at the end of the day, who’ll be the one wearing a cool looking lab coat ten years from now? Definitely not them.” He joked, trying to lighten your mood a bit before class starts again. If anyone else had said that you’d have just rolled your eyes. But because it was Rui, you couldn’t help but chuckle.

You punched his shoulder lightly, making him chuckle. ‘Your spirits have been lifted up’ he thought.

“Just what would I do without you Rui…”

“Not thinking of yourself in a lab coat standing over everyone else, that’s for sure.” He replied.

Feeling better, you leaped up and stretched your arms out. Rui following suit, just a bit lazier. He handed you your bag and you thanked him.

“Mind walking me to my next class?” You asked.

“I’ll never mind doing anything for you. And… that’s our class, I’m in it as well.” He remarked teasingly. He sits right in front of you in that class, but you just wanted to see what he’d say.

“Right right, now let’s go before I accidentally drop a fire cracker here…”

You two were really made for each other, huh?

[ad0rechuu]

★ MILKY WAY. ━━ (036) a strange feeling

WORD COUNT. 709

WARNINGS. this an angsty one bois but nothing to warn really, yn is called a little otter affectionately

credits to @ari-shipping-stuff for being my beta reader / writer <33

THIS FEELS STRANGE.

Usually when the two of you meet up, he chooses a quiet place where you don’t have to worry about getting recognized. But this cafe was bustling.

A little part of you wishes you had asked to meet up at the Hanuelsan café. San’s parents' café feels a lot more calming than the random Starbucks you are in right now.

He shouldn’t stand out but he does. He’s wearing a thick black coat, his mask pulled down as he sips his drink; and a bucket hat that hid his bleach blond hair, causing you to just barely see his eyes staring down at his phone screen.

But he does. He stands out to you somehow. Just like when you first saw him between all those other pretty idols, he’s the one that stands out to you.

As you make your way to the table tucked in the back, you try to remind yourself of what Seulgi and Fatou told you. The fact that he wanted to talk isn’t a bad thing and you shouldn’t work yourself up with imaginary scenarios.

You clear your throat and he looks up. You don’t make eye contact, instead opting to keep your gaze on the table. His coffee of choice and your favorite cold beverage sat there next to each other.

He gently grabs your hand pulling you to sit opposite him. The probably meaningless gesture to him has your heart palpitating out your chest.

“Thank you for coming. I’m so happy you and I were able to meet so fast.” He lets go of your hand and pushes the drink in your direction. “I ordered you something. I hope it’s alright.”

Yeah, ‘alright’ doesn’t even begin to cover it. You want to squeal like a teenager in love at his knowledge about you, but the familiar heavy feeling makes it hard to get words out.

“This is my f-favorite, thanks.” You manage to croak out.

He smiles in response as you sip your drink, it doesn’t stay quiet long as a notification on his phone breaks the silence between you two. A warm look finds a way in his eyes when he reads whatever someone sent him.

“I actually called you here today to meet my friend and..” He trails off as the apples of his pale cheeks turn a reddish color.

Before you can even think over his reaction, you respond. “And what?”

He throws his head back in a laugh at your curiosity, the pleasant sound doing something unexplainable with your heart.

“Curious, are we? This is also to explain why I canceled the other day.” He pauses and takes a deep breath. “My friend, she locked herself out that day and she called me freaking out, so I couldn’t just leave her. I apologize.”

A small smile graces your face, he’s so caring towards everyone. You went in trying to ignore your feelings but he makes it very difficult. “It’s okay, I think it’s sweet.”

“Actually I also called you here today for selfish reasons.” He nods before looking down shyly. “To show her that nothing is going on between us.”

Your heart felt like it stopped.

“Because I like her and I don’t want to give her the wrong idea.”

You didn’t become an idol for the attention, but you couldn’t say that you hated it. In that moment however, you’re grateful that his attention is on something behind you because you're sure that he would’ve seen your feelings crushed there and then.

He waves as you try to blink back your tears and pull yourself back together.

“Oh, there she is.”

“Hey, Gyu.” A familiar voice calls behind you, you take a deep breath and turn around to face it, because it’s the right, polite thing to do.

“Took you long enough.” He laughs as he pats the seat next to him. “This Yn. Yn this is—”

You face her for the first time as she sticks out her hand for you to shake, the long brown hair, the heavenly smile, there was no stranger sitting in front of you. As if this day hasn’t been hard enough on you.

“Sera?”

“It’s been a while, little otter!”

Huh.

Heart break is a strange feeling.

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NOTES. listen i’m not saying yn isn’t gonna be happy again but buckle up from here okay? also now u know why yn uses an otter emoji (if u forgot who sera was look at extras)

TAGLIST. @bunnystrm @seongwin @aestheticsluut @meginthebuilding27 @gaebestie @stopeatread @pr1ncessm1ng1 @persphonesorchid @se0nghwaswife @seonghwasslytherin @leeknowsnothing @alixnsuperstxr @bluehwale-main @miriamxsworld @tocupid @rieuvie @sunoo-bby @jcngh0-hq @dudufodd @nikisbf @mrowwww @end0rchans @qtdenks @mintgki @dear-dreamie @leo-seonghwa @legohwas @evilsailorsenshi @seonghwaddict @choichaeyiul @iw4milf @yunstarz @cvberidiot @tubatu-wari-wari

[di-writes-stuff]

Sad Beautiful Tragic

Phillip Graves x Reader

A/N: I need to write more angst in a way I can’t quite describe.

TW: References to Graves betrayal and all that entails. War stuff, canon typical violence, suggestions of smut but no real descriptions. No happy end.

Summary: In which you look back on your relationship with Graves during his court hearing.

“Hang up, give up, and for the life of us we can’t get up.”

I hate him.

You’ve been forcing yourself to remember that for the past few hours. Watching that damn bastard, the sly smirk on his face every time he knows he’s winning the case. The same one you used to find endearing, now just puts a pit in your stomach that makes you wish you hadn’t eaten breakfast this morning.

You could scream. You want to scream, about how it’s not fair, about how you could’ve loved him, how you did love him. You want to pound your fists against the ground, throw the cup clenched in your hand at his stupid, handsome face. Marr it until you don’t feel that nagging, instinctive affection every time you see him.

The one that quickly fades—for the most part—when you remember what he did. That he prioritized being Shepherd’s little bitch over his comrades.

Over you.

Anger’s powerful. It’s a great, if not the greatest motivator in the world. But coupled with passion? With a love so fierce you would have died for it?

That burns. Drips through you like hot acid at any reminder of betrayal from the trusted.

And that is exactly what you feel when you look at him. The hurt comes first. The shell shock from what he did that still hasn’t quiet faded. Then the anger, and then the melancholy. The kind of animalistic need to get back to how it was before he ruined it. The clawing, desperate kind of fight you’re waging everyday just to believe the lie you think yourself to sleep with.

I hate him.

And yet, it always seems to end the same. The glaring correction at the end that you can’t admit to anybody around you, or yourself.

I miss him.

Overwhelmingly. Painfully. It keeps you up at night. It exhausts you in the day. It separates you from every other member of the task force. Because they can do it. They can hate him for what he did without a second thought.

It’s not as if they don’t see it. The tears that pinprick the corners of your eyes every time his name comes up. It really shouldn’t come as a surprise. From the very start, he’d been chasing you, and you were standing still.

For what felt like the hundredth time today, you were laughing. Smiling. Happy, really, truly happy. All thanks to Phillip Graves.

From what everybody said, you’d really hadn’t thought you’d like him very much. Cocky, horribly flirtatious, stubborn, and risky as all hell. All true, of course. Although, from where you were standing, it seemed like the whole “flirt” part was understated, extremely.

A smirk played on his lips as he stood just too close to you at the control panel of the helicopter, breath fanning over your neck as you drop yet another bomb onto the currently empty base. The mission was simple enough, bomb the enemy base, wipe all their supplies, intel, everything. Without anybody around to retaliate.

Well, it was supposed to be simple. You’ve found focusing has become quite difficult with constant flirtatious praises falling from the lips of the man behind you. “Atta girl.” His voice is husky behind you, a soft chuckle leaving him as you exhale shakily at his comment.

You’re sure you’ll get plenty of shit for this back at base, after all, you aren’t trying very hard to disguise how much you’re enjoying this. At the very least you manage to respond to this comment rather than the breathy laughter he’s been receiving. “You wanna take over? I wouldn’t wanna take all the credit.” You force yourself to meet his eyes, ignoring the way your stomach flips when he smiles at you.

“I think I’ll let ya have this one, doll.” The pet-name sends you snapping your eyes back to the control panel, trying to calm the vivid blush spreading across your face. The self satisfied smirk on his face only growing wider at your response. You clear your throat, your words coming out a bit shaky. “Very generous, Commander.”

He leans in a bit closer, his lips ghosting the shell of your ear. “Oh, I always am.” The suggestion held in those words sends heat pooling in your stomach, the skin he barely even grazed burning after his touch. Later, he’ll give some proof to that statement.

And God, he was telling the truth.

Your attention is suddenly brought back to the court in front of you, and you’re back in reality. Snatched away from the pretty memory you’d allowed yourself to live in for just a moment. From before he did what he did. Before he ruined everything.

The judges question sends a hush over the room, the one everybody had been waiting to hear Phillip’s answer to. “Did you act on those orders, Mr. Graves?”

Your breath hitches in your throat as you remember that night. Those orders, the ones to kill you and every other member of the 141. The warnings he’d tried so hard to give you, without ever really telling you the truth. Phillip Graves was not the pleading kind, but for you? He’d do it. He did do it.

“Please, baby, I’m begging you. Don’t do this job.” He asked for what felt like the millionth time, trying to keep quiet as to not be heard through the thin walls on base.

When he’d asked to come over, you’d thought it was for the normal reasons. Apparently not, because rather than tangled under bedsheets, you two were fighting over his strange request that you didn’t understand in the slightest.

“Phillip, I have a job, I’m gonna do it.” Your voice is stern, unyielding to his pleas. You can’t help but feel unnerved by the look in his eyes that looks an awful lot like terror. Pure, unbridled fear that he refuses to explain to you.

He takes your hands in his, kneeling down to be eye level with you as you sit on the edge of your bed. His eyes are bloodshot, supposedly from crying. Something you’d never seen the man in front of you do. “Please, sweetheart.”

“I can’t have you on this job.”

Except you were on that job. There to see the horror in his eyes as he realized that along with everybody else, he’d have to betray you too. That he’s have to ruin everything you had.

You still remember the way you’d screamed at him that night, as Ghost dragged you away into the temporary safety the city provided.

“I hate you.”

The words that were ripped from your throat by him, the ones you never wanted to say, but you did. The ones you couldn’t convince yourself of anymore. You’re not even sure if they were true then. Although, you think you come close to it as you hear him answer the judge.

“No…Absolutely not, sir.” Gasps and whispers sound throughout the court, but the only thing you hear is his words repeated over and over in your mind. You try to find the lie, to find some loophole to make his claim false.

But the worst part is, he’s telling the truth. He didn’t kill you, nobody in the 141 was dead, or even seriously injured. Soap walked away with a few new scars, but that was about it.

He didn’t act on the orders.

It should make you feel better, that technically, he refused. That maybe, you could forgive him. But you know you won’t. You know you can’t. Not after all this. Not after the things he made you feel in such rapid succession.

First, love. Burning hot passion that took over your every thought. Then hatred, feigned or otherwise. Then grief as Soap came back with the news that Graves was KIA. Everybody still remembers the way you’d sobbed, animalistic gasps for air coming up from your throat as tears poured from your eyes. They’d heard it all from the closet you locked yourself in. But at the very least they’d had the decency to pretend they didn’t.

Now, you don’t even know what you feel towards him. You can’t exactly say you don’t still love him. Not honestly, at least. A part of you hates him, but not enough to make it true. Not enough to deny the relief that flooded you once you saw him in front of you that day, breathing, whole, alive.

It took every bit of strength in you not to react as he walked into view on the call with Shepherd. That same smirk on his face that never seemed to leave fully, but faltered a bit as his eyes landed on you. You, who stood seemingly emotionless, you who prayed he couldn’t see the tears forming in your eyes over the call.

You, who couldn’t take it anymore as he cracked the same kinds of jokes that used to make you laugh as he whispered them to you in the middle of the night, your head laying on his chest. Everybody noticed the way his smile dropped for a second as you stormed out of the hangar. Because despite his own ego, despite his constant need to please, the only approval he ever wanted was your own.

It’s the same reason now that he risks turning around to look at you, to see if any hint of approval, or even love still lingers in your eyes.

The same reason his heart shatters as he sees what he’s been dreading this whole time. Hatred, written all over your face as you stare him down. Of course, he’s oblivious to the war being waged inside you just to keep your expression still. To the way his eyes locking with yours still sends shivers running down your spine. Memories flooding back of his hands on your body, his eyes locked with yours as hushed, strained whispers fall from his mouth in between groans.

You don’t even think he realized he’d said it that night, too focused on the feeling you gave him to even notice the words he was saying. It wouldn’t be outlandish to think he hadn’t meant it. To think it just slipped out in the midst of his euphoria, triggered only by the high you were both so rapidly approaching.

Although, now that memories are all you’ll ever allow yourself to have of him, you like to believe he meant it. That deep down, those whispered words were true, unlike the ones you’ve been trying to convince yourself of.

“I love you.”

A/N: Sometimes I’m writing and it’s just like lalalala silly little angsty fanfic 😇✍️ and then all of a sudden this deep, grumbly little demon voice pops up out of nowhere, a single word accompanying it.

👹dick👹

digital footprint goes wild.

- di <3

[inkedreverie]

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐃𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐘𝐨𝐮

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: modern! curtis everett x female reader

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: friends to lovers, age gap ( curtis is in his early 30's/ reader is in her mid 20's), idiots in love (mostly the reader), angst, angst angst, angst with a happy ending, swearing, jealousy, my attempt at adding humor

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: Y/N has harbored feelings for her childhood best friend, Curtis Everett, for years. But as he gets busier with his new girlfriend, Y/N knows it's time for her to distance herself to avoid any more heartbreak. That is, until one fateful night, when everything finally changes.

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 6.3k+

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫❜𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: Here it is! This originally was very self-indulgent since I grabbed inspo from a dream of mine and it kind of took on a mind of its own. As always, this is my first time writing for a new character, so please be kind if you comment!

𝐈𝐧𝐛𝐨𝐱 | 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 | 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐨𝐧 𝐀𝐎𝟑

She knows that this is stupid. If she could program her brain to stop loving him, she would. Y/N scrubs down one of the tables at the diner, managing to catch a few glimpses of Curtis, her best friend across the room in one of the booths. His arm is wrapped around the shoulder of his newest girlfriend, Chelsea.

His lips were a few inches away from her ear as Y/N watched from afar. She feels another pang of jealousy shoot through her veins. Her mind filled with scenarios about what it would feel like if Curtis had his arms draped around her, whispering sweet nothings in her ear or inside jokes.

She notices his gaze move toward her and her attention quickly shifts back to the dirty table, pretending to not feel his gaze on her or the goosebumps that always prickle her skin when he looks at her. A part of her knew he wasn’t doing this on purpose. She knew that he had no idea the feelings she felt for him. And Y/N was sure it would stay that way, no matter how much it made her heart wrench in her chest.

A voice calls out to her, pulling her away from her thoughts. “Y/N, can you please take over table #6 for me?” Arden, her friend and co-worker asks with pleading eyes. Her heart speeds up. She doesn’t have to look to know which table her friend is referring to. It’s the one with Curtis and his girlfriend. Arden mouths her a thank you before she slips out of the back door to the diner. Y/N lets out a sigh, grabbing the menu and notepad from her pocket.

She makes her way to their table, plastering her best customer service smile onto her face. But the second she looks at them, she realizes that they aren't even looking at her. Her eyes dart between the two of them, her heart feeling like it's going to disintegrate into a million pieces right in front of them.

After a few seconds, she finds the courage to clear her throat. "Hey guys, what can I get for you two today?" she greets, trying not to let her voice crack or let Curtis hear the pain evident in her voice.

Curtis turns to look at her and he smiles, but it didn’t reach his eyes. Her heart breaks further when he pulls away from Chelsea, looking down at the menu in front of him. "Yeah, um, we'll both have the burger special."

"Great," she mumbles, forcing a smile on her face as she takes their menus. She turns to walk away when a thought enters her head. Maybe you shouldn’t give up hope yet. She turns around, not expecting the two of them to be lip locked. The sight almost makes her cry right then and there. "Do you two want your burgers medium well or medium rare?"

Y/N can feel tears form in her eyes, and her throat tightens, making it difficult for her to even move her jaw. She wishes she could just crawl under the table right now. Or just go anywhere but right here, in this moment. She clears her throat again, looking down at her notepad this time when she hears them pull away from their embrace.

"Oh, medium well, thanks," Chelsea says. Her smile is too big, too bright, and her voice is too chipper. It makes Y/N want to vomit. The urge to just run away comes back, but she doesn’t. Instead, she writes their orders down before she walks away, wiping away the few tears that managed to fall.

Y/N lets out a shaky breath as she makes her way behind the counter. She quickly punches in the order before she makes her way back to the tables she needs to clean. She busied herself with other duties as she waited for their order to be cooked. For the most part, she tried to ignore them but every so often, Curtis would whisper something in Chelsea's ear, causing her to laugh obnoxiously. How could he honestly be with someone like her? she thought, wishing it was her on a date with him instead of that red-headed idiot.

A bell goes off a few minutes later, alerting her that their food was ready. She grabs the plate and heads back toward their table. "Here you are," she says, placing their food in front of them. "Can I get you guys anything else?"

"No, I think we're okay," Curtis answers, smiling at her. That damn smile.

"All right, just wave if you need me."

By the time the end of her shift had run its course, she was more than relieved. When Curtis and Chelsea left, she made no attempt to wave goodbye. She was too hurt, too heartbroken. As she began to grab her purse and her jacket, a soft voice could be heard from behind, followed by the feeling of Arden's hand on her shoulder. "Hey, thanks for covering for me today. How are you holding up, sweetie?" she asked softly, leaning against the counter.

She turns around, the soft material of her friend's dress gently tickling the inside of her wrist. Y/N offers her a small smile, shaking her head. "I'm not gonna lie and say that I'm doing okay. We've been here together since this diner opened. It hurts, I'm not gonna say otherwise."

Arden nods, her smile showing just how sorry she was. "But Curtis is just a guy and if you could learn to love yourself then other men could learn to as well." Another sigh escaped her lips as she sat down at one of the empty stools, the sound of clanging dishes filled the room. "Arden, I do love myself. And I don't want anyone else...I want...Curtis." She whispered the last part. It felt painful just to even say his name and she wished she could go back to a time when she was ignorant of how she truly felt about him.

But that's a part of life, right? Falling for friends that wouldn't care to love you back? Heartache, and heartbreak. Tears threaten to slip from her eyes as she runs a hand through her messy hair. Arden lets out a sigh before moving from beside her, retreating further into the restaurant.

Heading home, Curtis leaned back in his chair, resting his feet on the top of the wooden desk in front of him. His mind was swirling with conflicting feelings. Chelsea was a nice girl. He had dated lots of women in the past but, none of them would even come close to the way he felt when he was with Y/N.

She was always making him laugh, or cheering him up when he was sad. She would go to the ends of the earth to make him happy but he couldn't get over this feeling, this desire to be something more. He had tried his best to make her jealous today but all it did was seem to put a damper on his friendship with her.

Would it really be that bad if something were to happen between Y/N and him? he thought. God, he wanted it to, but Curtis was sure that she had a line that if he ever stepped foot over it he would lose her completely. He was hesitant at first, but lifting his feet off of his desk, he pulled out his phone and quickly typed out a message to his best friend.

Curtis: Hey, it was nice seeing you at the diner today. How are you? His thumb hovered over the send button before he pressed it, his heart beating rapidly as he waited for her response.

It only took a few minutes for his phone to alert him of her reply. That was fast, he noted before opening up her message. The anxiety building inside of him disappeared with what he read next.

Y/N: I'm actually really good right now. :)

A breath escaped his lips as he ran a hand through his shaggy dark brown hair, suddenly feeling tired. Thank god.

Curtis: Why, are you okay? You seemed a little bit off today. Are we...good? He hit send, hoping that he wasn't making a mistake.

Y/N: Yup, I was just a little flustered. Don't you dare worry your pretty head about me. Everything is completely cool!

Another wave of relief washed over him. Not being able to resist the smile forming on his lips, he typed out his reply before saving the thread and turning his phone off, running a tired hand over his face.

Curtis: Perfect, meet you at the diner in the morning?? I could certainly use a chocolate chip muffin and my very own private barista.

What Curtis didn't know is that Y/N was secretly hurting inside. The image of him with Chelsea torturing her mind over and over. A few tears trailed down her cheeks but she quickly wiped them away.

Y/N: Sorry. Can't. I'm off tomorrow. We'll have to get together later.

Lies. The real reason is that she can't stand to be near him. Every time she sees him, her heart aches even worse.

Her chest was beginning to feel a little numb as she thinks about how different her life was only just a week ago. As she lay down, her sobs continued, covering her mouth to muffle the sounds so her parents wouldn't hear. When she finally fell asleep, she dreamt about a simpler time. Before feelings or the pain of unrequited love ever got in the way of their friendship.

—A few years ago.

The two of them were laying down on her balcony, laying on a blanket as they watched the stars. Her heart thumped at the close proximity but she pushed it to the depths of her mind. Curtis was her friend. She felt totally normal about how close they were, their hands only an inch away. Cutting through the silence, Curtis nudged her arm. "Hey, look, you see that? That's Cassipoea." he pointed up at the starry night sky before she felt his gaze land on her. He nudges her again. "Are you even paying attention to me, nerd?" he laughed.

"I don't remember asking you for a boring astrology lesson, dumbass." she snarked, the tone of her voice laced with sarcasm. When her lips lifted into a smile as she stared back at the sky, his blue eyes still fixed on her. He pressed a hand to his chest, pretending to be offended by her retort. "Excuse me for trying to cheer my best friend up."

Y/N glances over at him and feels an odd twinge in her heart, as though someone has stuck her with a needle. Her breathing halts for just a second and she had to shake her head. God, she must be really tired. Ignoring this sensation, she rested her head on Curtis' strong, muscular arm. "For your information," she started "I really appreciate it, okay?" She bumped his side, letting out a tiny sigh as she watched the starry night. Curtis grinned, wrapping an arm around her. "You better. I don't stay out late for anyone, you know?"

Unconsciously, his fingers caressed her shoulder blades, trailing in soft, rhythmic strokes from the inside of her shirt toward the end of her collar, until her upper chest was covered with goosebumps. There was another silence that filled the air before her eyes flickered up to the sky once more. "Curtis, promise me something. Promise we won't let anything stand in between us, okay?"

"Yeah," he replies in an almost solemn manner. There was a short break between them, with Curtis fidgeting on the blanket. He lay there, feeling confused. No girl had ever made him feel this way before, nor had his chest constricted so much that it hurt when the soft curves of Y/Ns shoulder rubbed against his own skin as they stared up at the stars together.

And it wasn't long before Y/N realized just how badly her heart was racing, just from a slight touch of his fingers. Maybe the movie night where they were closer than two best friends should have been had set off some type of reaction with the pheromones or something...

Y/N ignored it for weeks, pushing it off as the product of late-night delirium until it happens a second time—after a long party where she was acting completely sober, despite the fact that she was plastered. She watches as Curtis wraps his arm around a girl, feeling a slight pang in her chest again. As he rubs a thumb in his usual comforting motion, whispering something in the mystery girls ears. This time, she couldn't just let it go. Something felt different. Unusual.

"Oh god," her face filled with embarrassment and her cheeks felt hot when the realization hit her. She just looked up at him with large Y/E/C eyes. Why was she just having this sudden awareness? The very concept felt so simple, and yet was so convoluted at the same time. No, no. You're just confused. It's alcohol. Curtis is your friend, not someone you have a crush on. You're not that kind of best friend, that one that falls for him.

Finally, she understood what's been going on. But the thought was somehow satisfying and simultaneously terrifying—to realize how much you cherished someone else, while realizing that they would never want you in return. Y/N ran her hand through her curls before she got up and sat on the curb. She quickly texted her friend Arden, hoping she could come pick her and get her away from these conflicting emotions. A part of her knew this night was going to bring nothing but regret if she and Curtis continued their time together.

Her eyes flicker over towards him when the door opens, his dark brown hair looked greasy and matted to his forehead and his arms were bare; Curtis was wearing a band shirt and ripped skinny jeans that hugged his legs tightly. As the people slowly trickled outside, she pulled out her phone trying to busy herself. She needs a distraction, anything.

When Curtis found her, his entire face contorted in annoyance. "God, Y/N, we've been looking for you. Everyone already left. Where the hell were you?!" He asks in the most frustrated tone she had heard from him in years. She lets out a sigh, closing her eyes before they land back on his own.

She scrunched her face up at his tone, rolling her eyes. "What's gotten into you, party boy? Go back to what's-her-face. I'm fine." Her speech was slurred, part from tiredness and the other part from the alcohol still running through her veins. But he didn't listen and with one swift motion, Curtis yanks Y/N off the street and practically throws her over his shoulder. "Curtis! Seriously?!" She yelled, wiggling in his strong grasp to attempt to pull free. "Put me down! I already have someone—Curtis!" He interrupts her, ignoring her shouts and putting his hand over her lips. It doesn't take too long before she realizes that they're halfway down the street to their homes.

As he was almost back to his neighborhood, Curtis places her back onto her feet before bending over and pressing his hands to his thighs, panting hard. Y/N scowls, unable to hold back her embarrassment. "Really? Was it that necessary?" When she looks to the side she notices him leaning against a lamppost for support. The annoyance on her face dissipates and her brows knit into concern. "Curtis? What's wrong? Are you—you okay?" she asks, taking a step closer. The frown on his features pulls into an irritated stare.

"Am I okay? Oh yeah, totally, besides the fact that I just dragged your drunk ass for, like, two miles just to make sure you were going home safe."

Her eyes widen, her annoyance filtering back into her features. "Well, I didn't ask you to carry me, you know?" She groans, rolling her eyes as she starts to walk to her front door. She needed to lay down before she said something she'd regret. Heartache and alcohol never mixed well. Her thoughts lingered on her earlier revelation, that she had the biggest crush on this dimpled Adonis that wouldn't stop acting so difficult.

"So that's it? You just run the fuck away from your best friend just because you don't want to have an honest conversation like grown-ass adults? What kind of fucking nonsense—" When she stops, and whirls around to face him, Curtis nearly loses his balance, having expected a light tap on his shoulder. What he got instead is her fist smacking his right pectoral with such force that his first reaction is to reel back in shock and a little pain. God damn that's gonna hurt in the morning.

She shakes her head, turns back around, and opens her front door, careful not to wake her parents. "Goodnight, Curtis," she whispers angrily before walking in and shutting the door.

The sudden ringing of the alarm on her phone startles her, making her jerk up in bed. Y/N groaned, leaning over to silence it as she sunk back into the covers. She had fallen asleep, reminiscing about the happy moments of her friendship, all for her to wake from the memory of when she almost confessed her feelings to Curtis. God, why was her brain torturing her in the most imaginative ways possible?

All the coffee, pastries, and burnt croissants in the world could never fix this sadness. The first tear comes only seconds after her heart decides that yes, it was truly possible to feel this much emotional agony and break all the way through.

She swallows back a dry sob that threatens to leave her throat and instead forces her lungs to inhale. Shaking her head, she pulls herself back against the headrest and wraps the white pillow beside her between her arms, burrowing her wet cheeks within it and softly whispering under her breath. "This...is exactly what happens when someone falls in love with her best friend."

Nothing goes like it did in the movies. There is no passionate declaration of love in front of everyone she knows. She wishes she was in a John Hughes movie or better yet, one of her favorite rom-coms. Her thoughts linger back to what her friend had said. Maybe she just needed to move on from Curtis.

The rest of the following weeks she avoids Curtis at all costs. She ignored his texts, and his phone calls. Even avoided him at the diner, busying herself with other customers when she saw him with Chelsea. It was the only way she knew to protect her heart or so she thought. One night, after a late shift at the diner, she sighs, taking off her jacket and kicking off her shoes. Her body tenses when she hears the window start to slide open.

Turning around, she spots a hooded figure outside her bedroom balcony and she quickly grabs her wooden bat that she keeps just in case of an intruder. Pressing her back against the wall, she waits with bated breath as the figure crawls through her window and rises to his full height. She's just about to swing when he pushes off his hood, revealing that it's none other than Curtis. The man she had been avoiding for several weeks. She lets out a sigh of relief. "Curtis, what the fuck!?" she whispers angrily. "You scared the shit out of me!"

With the same grumpy and sleepy expression she always loved, Curtis gives an eye roll. "Calm the fuck down, Princess," he yawned, dusting off his shoulders as he leaned against her bedpost, completely unaware of the pain she's been in since that horrible party. His gaze flicked over to Y/N, and his lips dipped into a tiny frown, which only makes him more beautiful, because now his slightly slanted eyebrows give a very man-yet-boyish look to his perfectly chiseled features.

She crosses her arms against her chest, still miffed that he chose to enter her house without her permission. "Curtis, what are you doing here?"

In response to her inquiry, his eyes find themselves stuck upon Y/N in that very moment; his breath caught in his throat. Fuck he had missed her this week. But her cold demeanor showed no affection for him, other than her slight smile from when she first noticed him crawling inside. It made him wonder. Did she not care, or did she just want him gone? Suddenly her bedroom grew warm and it felt hot and humid, like a fucking steam bath.

And it was only the beginning of summer. Curtis stepped over her rug and started pacing from her bookshelf to her desk chair and her guitar. All in a clear, one way path that kept him exactly five feet away from her the whole time, not letting him feel the magnetic draw towards her that seemed so unnatural.

And yet... so completely natural. It was unnerving to say the least, or that's the closest word that could describe this sensation. The man squinted in thought and his throat dried out once again.

Did... did she dislike him?! The only conclusion he could come up with made the need to protect Y/N surface; making it the driving emotion in him right now, overwriting even his need to see a specific girl tonight. Y/N let out an audible sigh when the silence had turned more awkward than his visit. And was that how he perceived it now, was he just... visiting?! Fucking great. Her fists clenched and the muscle beneath her eye twitched, ticking in rage.

"Well?" she asked, raising her brows slightly, her hands now resting on her hips. Even though, deep down she knew he was probably here because of the missed calls and texts she had refused to answer.

Why won't he just ask what he wants and leave me alone?!

Curtis blinked, unable to read her current facial expressions; he'd known her long enough. He simply couldn't, for the love of everything, decipher them correctly. Fuck, how did one be tactful?! If it were her and some random fuck-nut (which would be literally unthinkable in the very obvious and unique way she currently preferred the people around her), she would've let him hit it and get the fuck out without saying another word.

But Curtis wasn't some random 'fuck-nut', and there was the little fact of not wanting to kick his feelings into the dust and out onto the curb. God, he was the last person she needed tonight. Well, he could stay then, stay in the place which felt so weird because he's suddenly made a stranger. Maybe the discomfort will be the end to her 'little-unrequited' problem, once and for all, that seemed to have been an issue lately around him.

As she met his piercing blue, puppy dog gaze, which always got her in the past, her eyes narrowed as she lifts her chin, determination etched upon her features.

"Soooo? Are you gonna say something or do you plan on standing in that spot all night and just look like some Greek statue?"

He stops pacing for the first time and looks up at her, letting out a soft breath as he ran a hand through his dark locks. "Alright, look," he murmurs and begins. "I'm... uh," Curtis struggled to find his words as his dark brows furrowed, trying his hardest to think of anything to say that would put an end to this discomfort. "Look, I just... shit." He sighs.

When he spoke again, his voice was strained, barely above a whisper. "...Are you avoiding me or what?"

Of course, the conversation circles back to the events leading up to the recent. Y/N tries to avert his gaze but couldn't pull herself away from his presence. She chews the inside of her cheek, as though debating her next words, considering not saying anything.

She sighs, her expression forming into something neutral and distant. "I've been busy. And I didn't think you'd notice." she shrugs, moving past him and sitting on the edge of her bed. She was treating him like a stranger and it only made his blood boil even more.

"I'm sorry, what the fuck?!" he asked, a little too loud. A frown etched over his features when he finally saw Y/N's face, his eyes narrowing slightly as he took a step forward.

"Okay, hold on," Curtis said, lifting a finger in the air, his eyebrows still knitted together into a frown, "You were busy? So what? That's bullshit and you know it, Y/N."

"What are you trying to say?" She stands up, facing him, her eyes burning into his own.

Curtis let out another sigh. "Look, we've been friends for like... fuck, forever. So stop acting like I don't know you." He crosses his arms. "Just tell me why you're avoiding me."

She let out a laugh, crossing her own arms against her chest. "You've been with Chelsea a lot. Thought I'd give you some space since—since we've barely hung out." She lied, she had been avoiding him for weeks for other reasons. But what was the point of telling him that, she was sure he would laugh at her, thinking it was just a joke?

Curtis shook his head. "Bullshit." He sighed. "Look, I'm sorry if I've been a dick, but I'm not the only one that has been fucking around."

Her eyes widen at his comment. "Excuse me?"

He let out a breath. "Why are you really avoiding me, Y/N? What did I do?"

"Nothing," she answers, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Well, then what the hell is the problem? Why can't you just be my friend? What the hell changed?" He asks, stepping closer. "It's like you've been avoiding me this past week."

She couldn't hold back any longer, her heartbeat felt like it was going to burst. "Because I love you, okay? And it hurts whenever I see you with Chelsea..." she whispers, tears forming in her eyes. "And it makes me feel stupid.." she pauses, wiping away her tears.

His eyes widened when she finally admitted the truth. The silence between them filled the room and he couldn't help but take in her words, as though they were his first taste of air after swimming in water for too long.

But the thought was so crazy. He was her friend. She loved him? His eyes dropped to her lips, then to the collar of her shirt. Then it hit him like a fucking wrecking ball. The feelings he had, the way his pulse would quicken, the desire to be close to her, and the want to touch her. This was it.

He had fallen for her.

His lips parted as he lifted his gaze to meet hers. "So, you do like me?" He asked, taking another step forward.

She lifts her chin. "Of course, I do. I have for a while. But you like Chelsea." She shakes her head. "I was going to tell you soon. But things just happened."

"You think I like Chelsea?" he asked, his eyebrows arching into a frown.

Her eyes flick up at him. "You're always with her. She's cute and—"

"You're an idiot, Y/N."

Her brows knit together as she looks up at him. "What?"

He lets out a laugh and shakes his head. "God, you're a fucking idiot," he murmurs.

She takes a step back, confusion filling her features. "Excuse me? Who do you think you are?"

His laugh dies out when he notices her move backward. He sighs, running a hand over his face. "I mean, you're an idiot," Curtis said. "Chelsea isn't my girlfriend. I only hung out with her to get you jealous."

"What?"

"I know I've been busy with her, and I'm sorry for that. But I was waiting for you to... fuck, I don't know. I was trying to make you jealous, but then I realized I couldn't stand her." He lets out a sigh.

"Well, it worked," she grumbled, tucking a few strands of her hair behind her ear. "But, why? Why would you want me to be jealous?"

Curtis ran a hand through his dark hair. "Look, Y/N, you're the only girl for me. I didn't think it was possible to feel this way, but I... I love you. I mean, shit, you're my best friend. But, I want to be more. So much more."

She felt her heart flutter, her skin flushed, and her body was filled with warmth. It was all she had ever wanted to hear. But was it real, was she dreaming? "What? Really?" She whispered, not being able to speak any louder.

Curtis nods, and his eyes bore into her own. "Yeah, I really do. I mean, fuck." He laughs. "I can't stop thinking about you." He reaches for her hand and squeezes it. "So, if you'll let me, I'd really like to take you out."

She smiles, squeezing his hand back. "Yes." She whispers.

He lifts an eyebrow, his gaze dropping to her lips, as the distance between them closed. His lips were so close she could feel the heat from his breath against her own. She closes her eyes and lets out a shaky breath before Curtis places a hand on the side of her face and presses his lips against her own.

She felt like she was in heaven, her fingers finding their way through his hair as her other hand grasped his shirt. She pulls him closer, feeling his firm body pressed against her own. She didn't want to pull away, she didn't want to move.

As they parted, Y/N was left breathless and Curtis was left unable to form words. All he could do was stare at her, as his hand found its way back to the side of her face and he tilted her head so that his lips could reach hers again. The second kiss was sweeter than the first, filled with a newfound desire and passion.

When they parted, Curtis let out a shaky sigh. "Fuck, I missed you so much," he muttered.

She giggles and bites her lower lip. "Well, I missed you too"

He shakes his head. "I had to do something. I just didn't know what."

"Well... you made quite the impression," she smiled. "Especially sneaking in my bedroom window." She laughs, making a motion for him to follow her toward the bed.

Curtis leans in as he lies on the bed beside her, propping his head up on his elbow. He wraps an arm around her waist, pulling her close. He couldn't take his eyes off of her, as though he was admiring her. As if this was the first time he truly saw her as more than a friend.

She sighs happily, her fingers brushing against the stubble on his jaw, trailing up his cheek. "This feels like a dream," she whispers with a smile.

"Well, I guess you just made me realize that dreams are worth fighting for."

Her cheeks heat once again, resting her head on his chest, wrapping an arm around his waist. "I love you."

He smiles, his hand massaging the back of her head, his fingers weaving through her hair. "I love you too."

They lie there in silence, their hearts beating as one. Enjoying their moment. They had waited this long, so what's a little more time to savor every ounce of it.

In his arms, the same ones that have held her, even to this day as close as they were, she felt safe and loved, she felt content, her face nuzzling against his chest, her skin pressing to his. This was what it was like to be home. She would savor every second of it.

She pulls her gaze up and stares deeply into his blue eyes. God, they were so beautiful, so full of life, so perfect. Just like him.

"Hey..."

"Yeah?" he asks.

"Kiss me again, please?" she whispers, leaning her forehead against his.

"My pleasure," he smirks.

And he doesn't disappoint her, their lips crash together in a kiss that left her breathless and dizzy. And so utterly weak at her knees that she would've thought the world was ending, had Curtis not been holding her tightly. She would always be thankful for what she had, even if it was to learn it at the expense of a single moment.

She would never forget this, because all the years prior had led to this very one, and that was something she would always remember and treasure. Her heart swelled and beat for this man and only him.

Curtis guides her toward his backyard, a smile playing on his lips. His heart thumps in his chest as they get closer. "Keep your eyes closed. Okay, beautiful?"

"Okay!" She nods happily and squeezes Curtis's hands which are guiding her as he holds her waist with his free arm. As they reach his destination, he releases one of her hands and positions both of them behind her back. "Stay right here for me?" he whispers and places a soft kiss on her cheek.

She laughs and nods excitedly, keeping her eyes closed as Curtis had instructed. Curtis takes a step back, admiring Y/N before speaking once more. "Okay, open your eyes." Her eyes flutter open, revealing a small plaid blanket, some wine, as well as a box of chocolates. She covers her mouth with her hands in surprise, tears pricking in the corner of her eyes.

His heart swells at her reaction. She sniffles and chuckles softly, shaking her head. "I hope those are happy tears," he teases.

Y/N laughs and nods her head, wiping her tears away and closing the gap between them once again, wrapping her arms around Curtis's neck, and planting a kiss on his cheek, making him smile.

The two of them rested on the blanket after they had their fill of enough wine and chocolates. "This reminds me of when we were younger," she whispers, looking up at the starry night sky. "when we would just watch the sky and talk all night."

He laughs softly. "I remember. Especially when I first taught you about constellations." Curtis nodded his head in agreement.

Y/N bites her lower lip, attempting to hold back her laughter. Curtis raises his eyebrows, giving her an inquiring look as Y/N just shakes her head in response.

"What?" Curtis asked, furrowing his eyebrows slightly.

Y/N chuckles. "Nothing."

"What?!" Curtis presses once again as Y/N continues chuckling softly to herself. "C'mon, what is it? You're killing me, beautiful."

"Nothing. It's just I'm so happy," she says, leaning over and resting her head on his shoulder. Curtis wraps an arm around her shoulders in return, pressing a kiss to the top of Y/N's head. "Well, good. I wanted our first date to be perfect and well—" He began, but Y/N cuts him off. "Curtis..."

"Yeah?" Curtis questions. Y/N sits upright, taking Curtis's hand into both of her own, holding it close to her. "This has been perfect," Y/N reassured him. Curtis sighs happily as he rests his forehead against Y/N's, admiring her.

"...But the only thing missing is you kissing me right now," she confesses, wrapping a hand around Curtis's neck, waiting impatiently yet eagerly for his lips on her own. He smiles and presses a passionate kiss onto Y/N's lips, eliciting a soft moan from her lips as she parts them. Curtis takes this opportunity and deepens their kiss, causing Y/N to throw her other arm over Curtis's shoulder. 

They part after several minutes and gaze deeply into each other's eyes, sharing another kiss shortly after. Curtis presses Y/N onto her back as their kiss becomes more heated with every second. However, the moment is cut short as soon as she hears the clanging of the wine bottle falling over, spilling on her arm, causing her to groan against his lips. Curtis quickly rolls off of Y/N as she curses under her breath, frowning up at the wine spilled on her sleeve. He rolls his eyes jokingly. "Way to ruin the fucking moment," Curtis laughs softly.

She giggles softly. "I don't mind getting a little wet," she shrugs, grinning up at him. "Ha ha," Curtis remarks playfully, chuckling softly to himself, as Y/N adjusts herself closer to him again. They lie on the blanket once more with Curtis wrapping his arm back around Y/N's shoulder while she leans into his touch and snuggles next to him, feeling secure.

Curtis stares up at the vast sky as Y/N rests her head on Curtis's chest. "So..." Curtis clears his throat, breaking the short silence between them. Y/N turns her attention toward Curtis, eyeing him curiously. "What now?" Curtis asks her, looking back at her with curious eyes. Y/N bites her lower lip with thought and gives Curtis a shy yet affectionate smile.

"Stay over. And spend tomorrow morning in bed with me...," she says quietly and shrugs, feeling her cheeks beginning to heat up. Curtis widens his eyes as Y/N pecks Curtis on the lips teasingly. "Sound good, Everett?" Y/N asks seductively, feeling excited yet nervous at the same time as she stares back at Curtis intently with desire. Curtis smirks teasingly and raises his brows playfully. "That sounds perfect, beautiful." They both laugh happily as Y/N plants a gentle kiss on Curtis's cheek.

divider credits: @.cafekitsune & @.benkeibear

[sanjismywhore]

Brain and Heart

Ignis Scientia x reader

Warnings: Fluff, rejection

Requested by @batsandbirdsposts

Tysm for making this request! I hope you like it!!! (I’m sorry it took so long 😭)

————————————————————————

Stepping outside, you stared out at the sky full of stars above. Even if they couldn’t deliver any comfort tonight, you needed this moment to clear your head.

Then you heard the soft crackle of the fire. When you turned your head, A small luminescent campfire glowed at the center of camp. Ignis was sitting next to the flame.

His features were softened by the glow of the fire. A soft streak of light highlighted his face. His hair was disheveled, contrasting with his usual spiked pompadour.

He looked content… almost ethereal, like some sort of celestial being. You approached slowly, to not startle him, “Hey there, Specs.”

He didn’t look surprised when he caught sight of you and simply said, “Care to join me?”

As he gestured towards the ground, you walked towards him and sat next to the small patch of grass he was patting.

Ignis shifted into a more comfortable pose before breaking the silence with his eloquence. “It’s not like you to be up so late…” Looking directly at the embers of the campfire, he continued. “Is something troubling you?”

“I could ask the same,” You tried to give him a smile despite the abrupt awkwardness in the silence.

For a short moment, Ignis said nothing. He kept his gaze firmly planted on the embers as they rose into the air. “It’s been difficult to fall asleep lately…” His voice softened, then so did his eyes as he looked at the sky.

A sigh left your lips as you ran a hand through your hair. “Same here… Something’s been on my mind.” You swallowed hard, almost too afraid to admit it.

You fiddled with your hands in your lap, staring at the fire alongside him.

His gaze drifted from the stars, towards you, and settled on your face. It seemed as though he wanted to say something else but he refrained. He merely kept his eyes on you, a silent plea for you to continue.

So you did, “It’s about Noct…” you paused, taking a deep breath. “How much I care about him.”

Ignis observed your face, his eyes boring into yours, which somehow brought you comfort. He sighed quietly, “I think we all feel that way…” He glanced at the flames dancing in front of him.

After a few moments, his voice returned to normal, sounding distant. “Perhaps you shouldn’t dwell on your feelings… But don’t forget who you are. We will never lose Noctis, but we should not hold onto him so tightly.” A faint hint of concern shone briefly in his eyes. “We all love him…” Then he added in a softer tone, “even if he has trouble showing it in return.”

That statement gave you pause.

“That’s not what I meant-“ You said, trying to explain your point of view to him. But then you realized that you weren’t even sure what you meant. “I just… wish things were different.”

“You wish he would’ve chosen you instead of Lunafreya? You have feelings for him, do you not?” He interjected with utmost speed and punctuation.

You shook your head vehemently. “Not really. I mean, yes. Of course, I do. But that’s not the point.” Iggy’s glass fogged up with surprise, but it was only faint. “What exactly is the point of this talk, (Name)?”

“I don’t know…” You replied truthfully, looking anywhere but at him. Silence descended on the two of you again. You leaned backward until you were laying flat on your back, staring up at the black sky. You felt yellow all over, going stiff from the anxiousness.

Neither of you spoke until Ignis broke the silence once again. “Do you love Noct?” His emerald gaze fell upon you once more. The question caught you off guard not because of its nature, but because of his tone when he asked. He sounded anxious.

It sent a shiver down your spine, making you want to curl into yourself even further. You wondered if you should lie. “Well… I… uh…” Words wouldn’t come to you. Cottonmouthed, all you could manage was a defeated sigh. “Yes, I love him…”

At that simple answer, Ignis visibly relaxed, although you could tell the tension in his shoulders wasn’t entirely gone. “I see,” he muttered softly.

The fire was beginning to die out, getting dimmer and dimmer. “And yet, you do not pursue anything. What happens to the relationship between you and him if you keep waiting?” The fire cast eerie shadows over both of you; the flickering light made it seem like the two of you were facing each other.

You slowly rose back into a sitting position. “I want to tell him, I do. But…” You paused again. The words stuck in your throat.

“But I don’t think it would go well.” You balled up your fists against your leg, looking at the ground sheepishly.

Ignis draped an arm around your shoulder and pulled you close to him. “A confession isn’t guaranteed to change the circumstances. All one can do is hope. That hope may be futile, but that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be attempted.”

You leaned your head against his shoulder, shrouding yourself in silence for yet another long moment. “How do you get to be so wise, Iggy?”

As expected, a warm chuckle escaped his lips. “Human nature I suppose.” He squeezed your shoulder gently before releasing his grip, “Though I’m not as knowledgeable as I seem.”

He turned his head slightly and looked at you. Although it might have looked innocent, it held the slightest trace of worry within it. “There are times when people need encouragement to make their way forward. And I am always here to assist.”

His expression softened, turning gentle.

You smiled weakly in response. Just after a while, he stood up from the ground, looking down at you and offering his hand. “Get some rest. Tomorrow might bring with it many chances for you.”

The next day, you woke up with a heavy feeling inside your chest. The sun shone brightly through the tent flap, painting everything orange and yellow.

It was a new day, and you were brimming with confidence thanks you Iggy’s encouragement.

Leaving the tent, you immediately searched for Noctis. Though he wasn’t at the camp when you searched around.

Noctis was sitting near the lake’s shore, holding a sword in the palm of his hand as he watched the water. He looked like he was roughed up pretty well; no doubt he was training with Gladio all morning.

Seemingly lost in thought, the prince had a vacant look on his face as though he was thinking deeply about something. Every so often his hand would run over the blunt end of the blade before looking at the lake once again.

His features were hardened by the reflection of the lake on his skin, shielding the scenery around him in a soft blue dye. His eyes were narrowed with a cold expression that gave you butterflies just by looking into them.

Hair disheveled, and skin covered in bruises, Noct managed to look as majestic as ever.

After a few moments of watching him silently, you took a deep breath and decided enough was enough. “Hey, Noct.” You greeted him in a cheery tone as you approached him.

At hearing your voice, Noctis looked up and blinked. “Hey,” he managed in an exhausted tone. There were dark rings under his eyes; not having gotten enough rest either. And didn’t seem to be in the mood to talk.

“Gladio beat your ass again?” You chuckled softly with an amused smile tugging at your lips as you crossed your arms.

Noct only scoffed and rolled his eyes at the comment, planting his sword on the ground. “Only cause he’s a monster. All about ‘power’ and ‘strength’… Stuff like that…” He groaned as he stood up, rubbing the hell out of his sore neck.

Stepping away from the rock you were just leaning on, you moved closer—leaving enough space between the two of you. “I could give you some pointers if you wanna try again-“ At the utterance of your suggestion, he cut your words short.

“Yeah right. I’m done.” He interjected almost comically, sitting on the grass and then falling onto his back. “I don’t think I can take any more of this.” He threw his arms out, causing the grass under his arms to rustle.

A small laugh escaped you as you sat beside him, looking up at the clouds in the sky, which appeared to be forming a perfect circle. “It’s only for a little while longer,” You turned to him with a hopeful look in your eyes.

“Once you get married…“

Suddenly the air was taken from your lungs. Your body went rigid as the words registered in your brain. “Married…” You repeated much quieter; your mood turned sour.

Noctis seemed to sense your sudden shift, as his gaze shifted towards you, softening as he studied your reaction.

For a brief moment, you saw confusion and uncertainty flash across his face before he completed your statement. “Yeah… Once I marry Luna, we’ll have an advantage over the empire.” He raised a brow at you as if you weren’t already aware of the fact.

You swallowed hard, trying not to grimace from the embarrassment you felt at the moment. “Right…” You managed to breathe out, clearing your throat. “Then you’ll be leaving… With her?”

Noctis raised both brows and leaned in your direction. “Of course not. Where did you get that idea?” Even though he didn’t sound annoyed, but rather curious, it still caused you to shrink down a bit inside.

You looked away, avoiding his curious gaze. “Nothing... just wondering…” An intense amount of heat flowed to your face, making you sweat.

Silence engulfed the pair of you again, and tension continued to grow stronger by the minute. It didn’t help that tears were beginning to spill from your eyes, yet you didn’t know why.

“What’s wrong?” He prodded, scooting closer to examine you. However, you were afraid of what might happen if you looked back at him.

You sniffled, “Because…”

Your head hung low from the embarrassment you felt. Taking a moment to wipe your eyes until they turned dark and puffy, you sucked up every ounce of courage you had left, forcing out:

“Because I love you.”

Noct’s hitching breath was uncomfortably audible, “What?” He was taken aback by your words. His body went stiff as he sat there wide-eyed and genuinely surprised,

“You love me?” He repeated a soft utterance of your words, leaning back on his palms and continuing to look at you. “Like, really love me?”

You only managed to nod your head. A few more minutes of silence passed before you began to curl up into a ball.

“I know it makes no difference when I tell you,” Your eyes stayed fixed on the grass in front of you. You couldn’t stand to even imagine the look in his eyes anymore. “But I wanted to.”

He sighed, running his fingers over the grass as he stared straight at the lake, “I always saw us as just friends. You, me, and the guys…”

Visibly uncomfortable with his choice of wording, Noct searched for a better term for his feelings. “I like you all the same.”

“As friends…” You returned in a gloomy tone.

“No, more than that…” He shook his head and waves his hand out in front of him like he was denying your statement. With a frustrated grunt, he forced out the only thing he would think of:

“I love you as a family!”

It didn’t hurt as much as you thought it would. The word “family” hit you right in the feels and almost brought fresh tears to your eyes, but the heartache was soon replaced with a wave of relief.

“That’s the only way I can say it,” Noctis showed a hint of remorse for making you feel upset. “Sorry…” His apology was genuine, though I necessary since he wasn’t at fault for anything.

“I’m sorry for getting all mopey…” You uttered in a quiet tone, calming yourself down until your breathing was even again. “I knew what to expect and shot for it anyway,” You laughed softly, wiping your tears on your sleeve.

You felt pathetic crying over something like this, but Noct was surprisingly understanding.

He stood up from the grass, offering a hand to you. You accepted it, allowing him to pull you up off the ground.

After brushing yourself off a bit, you glanced back up at Noct and saw that his arms were outstretched. An invitation for a hug—something he rarely ever did.

You took the chance, hugging him tight. Closing your eyes, you used the time to lean into him and let your bodies sync in both pulse and movement. You sighed,

“Thank you for listening.” You mumbled into his shoulder, holding him tighter with a tender embrace. He patted your back gently, saying nothing before pulling away.

You could tell by the expression on his face that he probably wanted to say something else but decided against it in the end. “You gonna be okay?” He asked awkwardly.

You nodded, “I think so.”

Walking back uphill to the haven, you noticed Gladio, Prompto, and Ignis packing up the camp as they prepared for the next voyage.

As they spotted you walking toward them, they waved excitedly, “Yo! You’ve been gone for a while now. Did something happen?” Prompto inquired, dropping everything as he faced you.

“Was just talking to Noct over there…” You pointed behind yourself, continuing to walk towards them.

As Ignis stepped away from his makeshift kitchen space, he stepped towards you cautiously. “How did It go?” He whispered, placing his arm on your back and leading you away from the earshot of the others.

“Guess.” You groaned, leaning into his touch; eventually pressing your forehead on the upper part of his shoulder.

“You knew what would happen and told me to talk to him anyway. You set me up.”

Though your tone was more playful than hurt, a small part of you regretted even confessing to Noct in the first place. If only Iggy never talked you into it.

You felt his hand travel up your back, slowly making its way to your head—where he stroked your hair softly. “My apologies… it is simply impossible for someone to predict what will happen in a situation such as this.”

His eyes seemed to smile at you, yet you could hardly tell through the tinted lens of his glasses.

Sighing, you closed your eyes tightly, feeling your stomach churning... “I knew how it would turn out, and still told him like an idiot…” You felt nauseous.

Ignis gave a soft chuckle, “Well… I’m sure he won’t hold it against you.” His tone was hopeful and gentle as he squeezed your shoulders lightly. He always tried his best to make you feel better.

You nodded absentmindedly. “Still sucks though.”

Ignis, still holding you close, brought you to his cooking space—he hadn’t finished packing it all up just yet. “It will get easier once you get used to it. If you need to talk, you know I’m always here.”

Your lips curved up a bit as you felt a warm feeling enveloping your chest. “Thanks.” You mouthed, stepping away from Ignis and taking a seat on a log.

He stopped in his tracks when he saw you sit down, anticipating your next action behind a blank stare.

“Gonna join me, Specs?” Tapping the space on the log beside yourself, you gestured at him expectantly. Ignis looked over at where the others stood, who were doing well on their own, before nodding and following your instruction.

As soon as he was seated, you reached over and grabbed his hand, squeezing it slightly. When you released it again, he looked down at his fingers and smiled faintly. The two of you sat together without saying anything, just enjoying a platonic moment of intimacy in silence.

The calm breeze gently blew through your hair, bringing with it a cool feeling, making you sigh content.

Once again you leaned against him, resting your head on his shoulder. It did feel like Ignis was the only one in the group who truly understood you. You could tell him anything so easily and he would listen with or without reply.

He would just listen with patience and understanding. That alone made you believe he cared about you, which made it easy for you to trust him more and more.

With his hand wrapped around yours, Ignis continued to rub soothing circles on your wrist, hoping that it would calm your nerves a little more.

You closed your eyes, humming softly under your breath and letting out a long breath.

The two of you remained in silent comfort and warmth, enjoying each other’s company while being able to do nothing but enjoy it.

When the others started to make their way back to join you at the camp, neither of you made any move to get up.

Instead, Ignis kept looking at you and smiling fondly as he watched you relax further into him. His hand squeezed yours again as he turned his head to look up at the sky.

Your breathing was growing softer and eventually, you fell asleep right on his shoulder. With a soft chuckle, Ignis continued to hold you against him while uttering quietly to himself:

“I love you, (name).”

[just-a-silly-little-whumper]

Longing

Masterpost | Read on Ao3

All alone, Elze'ith and Altair reach out for each other.

Followup to Pick Your Poison | Toxic. For @whumpril Day 19: "I Need You."

Contains: Aftermath of noncon, intimate whump, captivity/gilded cage, magic, insomnia, manipulation, loneliness

~~~

Even though he had stared at the stanza for what felt like hours, Elze’ith still couldn’t make the words sink in. All he had wanted was to read something to help settle his mind before he tried to sleep. It seemed he couldn’t even manage that, though, despite the fact that the poems were from an author he knew well, one that he selected for their familiarity and ease of understanding. The gently cascading words just weren’t enough to drown out the echoes of Lord Denholm’s voice in his head, the feeling of his hands on him, the sensation of him inside—!

A shudder rippled through him. Even hours later, he couldn’t quite manage to soothe himself. Maybe it was just too much to process, too much to bear. Or maybe he was just too weak, too much of a failure to even settle himself after dealing with the consequences of his own mistake. Either way, he felt so empty and so dreadful and so tainted, and he didn’t know what to do about it. None of his normal relaxation methods were actually doing anything to help quell the turmoil he still felt.

He needed something more. He needed comfort, as loathe as he was to admit it.He needed to know he wasn’t as alone as he felt.

He needed—

In a quick motion, Elze’ith closed his poetry book and set it aside. Conversely, his hands were slow and careful as he reached for the cup of water on his bedside table; he didn’t want the contents to jostle or spill. In the soft candlelight that filled his room, he could see his reflection faintly rippling across the water’s surface.

He didn’t give himself time to think, didn’t give himself time to doubt. Just summoned his magic, focused on the resplendent and kindhearted core of Altair, and cast.

The spell made contact. Hope surged in Elze’ith’s chest. Altair was still out there. It had been ages, but maybe, maybe this time, Altair would answer.

“Please,” he murmured, hoping beyond hope for this to work. “Please, Altair, my love. Please, respond. I can’t do this alone. I need you. I need to hear your voice. I need—“

“My light?”

The door opened softly, but the sound was as loud as thunder in the quiet of Elze’ith’s chambers. Elze’ith dropped his cup like he had been burned, watching as the ceramic shattered and the water splashed across the stone floor. Heart in his throat, he looked up to see Lord Denholm, already closing the door behind him and with a pensive expression on his face.

“Is everything alright? I did not mean to startle you, light.”

There was no anger coming through Lord Denholm’s aura, but Elze’ith still felt distinctly like he had been caught doing something he shouldn’t. And maybe he had, after how Lord Denholm had reacted the last time he tried to reach out to Altair.

(But that was because he had lied—)

It didn’t matter. The spell was broken, his conduit destroyed by his own hand once again. There would be no contacting Altair; he wouldn’t even be able to know if Altair would have responded tonight. He stared down at his lap, heart heavy with something like shame and something like grief. “I am fine, Milord. You need not worry about me.”

“Good.” Suddenly, Lord Denholm was in front of him. “I wanted to check on you; I know today was… difficult for you. I see I was right to do so.” He waved his hand; the water evaporated, and the shards of ceramic were whisked off into Elze’ith’s wastebasket.

Elze’ith felt sick. He felt hollow. “Thank you, Milord.”

“I will send for a light meal. I think it will do you good. Shall I keep you company in the meantime?”

After all that had happened, he really just wanted a bit of space from Lord Denholm. But he didn’t want to be alone. And he knew better than to say no. “Of course.”

It was just hard not to wish it was someone else’s hand that reached out for his.

---

Altair woke with a start.

He had always been a light sleeper, even moreso after Elze’ith had been taken to Castle Tergoria and he had been left alone. The smallest disturbances would wake him and spur him into action. But even in his deepest of slumbers, he would have been waken up by this, would have found himself leaping out of bed before he even realized he was moving. Because he knew that soft tapping at the back of his mind, that gentle tug on his consciousness.

Elze’ith was calling out for him again. And now, there was no one to stop him from answering.

The cottage was dark, with barely any light from the moon or stars streaming in. That barely hindered Altair as he fervently starting rifling through his belongings, searching for something that could facilitate the connection that Elze’ith was trying to make. He silently cursed the fact that they didn’t have any mirrors, because of course this couldn’t be easy. He just had to find—

There was nothing in his bag, maybe if he—

Their plates were wooden, and he didn’t have enough water to fill them—

It was too dark, he couldn’t make out his reflection on the glass window—

His hand closed around the hilt of his dagger. Realization and hope burst in his chest, and he frantically unsheathed it. The blade was meticulously cared for, the metal polished, the surface reflective. All he needed was—

The thread of connection severed. For a moment, Altair just blinked, stunned. It had been less than a minute; how could he have already have missed his chance? Frantically, he lit a small flame in the palm of his hand, as if creating enough light so that he could see his reflection in the dagger’s blade would be enough to reestablish the connection he knew had been lost. All he saw was his own desperate face.

“Fuck.”

He crumpled. He was barely aware of how his knees hit the floor, barely heard the dagger clatter on the wood beneath him. Heartache and sorrow and regret had completely overtaken him. He had a chance to speak with his partner, to hear Elze’ith’s voice, and now it was gone. Elze’ith had reached out for him again, and he had been too slow. And with the strange hour, and especially withhow short the call had been, it was all-too-likely that something had happened to his beloved. Altair was sick with dread and guilt just thinking of the possibilities. If only—

He never should have let Elze’ith go. Never should have agreed to any of this. It wasn’t worth it. None of this was worth enduring.

“Please,” he whispered, a quiet prayer. “Don’t give up. Don’t disappear. I need you, Elze’ith. Please.”

It took a long moment for him to collect himself. He kept staring at the discarded dagger like Elze’ith’s face might somehow appear in it. Kept shaking with emotion, trying to blink back tears. But eventually, he calmed. He stood. He picked up the dagger, and took it with him as he sat down in one of the chairs.

Slowly moving his hand, he lit the fireplace, then settled back, all but cradling the dagger in his hands. Maybe, just maybe, Elze’ith would try the spell again. And if he did, Altair would be ready. He wouldn’t miss his opportunity again.

Hours later, the sun rose on a silent cottage, and Altair was still alone.

[banggyu0308]

I- I literally can’t stop thinking about this, ada, but Over stim nerd Soobin x bitchy mean girl yn … I SWEAR I DIDNT MEAN FOR THIS TO BE THIS LONG !!!!

Yn wasn’t the typical rumor spreading, shit talking “mean girl”. She more so fell into the term of sadist… she tried to practice being nice to people that she knew could give her some type of advantage socially but deep down she loved to cause pain and havoc on people that she knew couldn’t stop her and she relished in the way they’d beg for her to stop with tears in their eyes. She managed to get through high school masking the urges, feeding her needs by acting out petty acts of bullying on unassuming subjects but it wasn’t enough. By the time she started university, she had to see what it felt like …what it felt like to truly ruin someone. Someone like him. Choi soobin.

They had a couple classes together in high school and they both just so happened to get into the same prestigious college. The last time she saw him, she saw just a linky, awkward kid with no form of self confidence but now she saw him as something different… something malleable , a toy all for herself that she could play with and break as she pleases. He’s just as tall and awkward as she remembers although his shoulders were more proportional to his body and he got a new pair of black framed glasses. Yn giggled to herself after seeing the new frames, remembering the time two guys took his glasses off of his face and broke them in front of him in high school. she watched the act as she crouched behind near by bushes. She didn’t understand why at the time but she felt some kind of heat brewing in her lower stomach that made her press her legs together tightly, watching him crying over his broken eyeglasses. But not an “I wish I could have helped” heat, this was an “I wish I could do that to him” heat , a “I would have done something far worse” heat. From that day forward , A day couldn’t go by without her thinking about breaking him down to the last molecule and making a mess out of him, leaving him a crying, moaning puddle.

Yn never was the best at social interaction, she could make people feel seen and heard and all the little things being a friend entails but she never truly cared about people in any meaningful way. But she had to come up with a way to make Soobin think she meant it, “a virgin like him probably cum at the lightest touch of a girl. Getting close to him shouldn’t be difficult” she thought to herself. Yn made it a point to herself to slowly sit close to Soobin during lectures and ask him for pencils once every blue moon as to not scare him, because there’d be plenty of time for that later. She was calculated in every move she made. She couldn’t deny the fact every move she made towards Soobin excited her. Getting to see his ears and face flush red , the way he’d nervously adjust his glasses. She couldn’t wait to rip this man to shreds.

After 2 weeks of slowly building up trust and familiarity, yn finally felt the time was perfect. She was going to touch him, nothing crazy she just needed to touch him. She walks into class that day making sure to wear her vanilla scented body oil, she remembers the way he reacted the first time she put it on . Awkwardly sliding a notebook onto his lap , he curled over his desk slightly not trying to make it obvious, breathing like he lost his breath somehow just by sitting there. That was the kind of memory that kept yn up at night putting her pillow underneath her and riding out the feeling. Just until the pressure went away however, never letting herself cum. she only wanted to finish to the real thing.

That day She sits directly next to him for the first time. Soobin nervously shifted in his seat. After the lecture finishes up and people start to grab their bags. She goes straight for the kill and swings her body towards him and grabs his hand as he writes in his notebook so he has no time to pull away. She spoke softly into his ear, her lips brushing against him every few words “soobin” his whole body tenses “come to my room tonight, 304 in the east building.” She smiles against his ear “I missed class yesterday sooo I wanted you to show me everything I missed … everything” she kitten licked his ear before pulling away making him hum in an attempt to muffle a moan do to the fact he was hard ever since he smelled the vanilla on her. “Also …don’t touch yourself before you get there” she smiles and grabs her bag , leaving Soobin there hard and speechless, walking out to prepare for her guest later that night.

Part1

-🌱

GAVGYUHJWKHSIUWJS???????? LIKE- I KNEW YOU HAD IDEAS- BUT LIKE- THIS- HWJBJXKN

IM GONNA READ PT 2 RN- BUT PLANT ANON, THIS IS FUCKING AMAZING-

[sunenjoyswriting]

Muu Kusunoki with a reader who she had bullied.

Writers note: I’m back to getting two notes every writing piece its so muuover… Anyways this is platonic and reader’s reason for mvrder is being bullied. Who did reader k!ll? Idk, maybe one of Muu’s lackeys?? It couldn’t be Muu for obvious reasons…

Possible warnings: Uhhh nothing I think! But I think T2 Muu might be a warning itself…

T1:

- When you first met her in MILGRAM, something felt so familiar… but she seemed so much like you, so you brushed off those feelings. How naive.

- You two managed to become friends fairly quickly (after Muu realized you had no plans to hurt her), sharing stories of being made fun of and being an outcast. Her stories felt like lies.

- It was nice, having someone who understood you! If only you knew.

- You two had similar feelings towards the other prisoners, feelings of mistrust. You shouldn’t had trusted her, and rather trusted the others.

- You were glad that she got voted innocent even if she deserved guilty, that would mean you would be innocent as well, right?

- If you were voted innocent, she would be happy for you!! You both would be innocent next trial as well, hopefully!! You both wouldn’t, thankfully.

- If you were voted guilty, she would tell you how she believes Es is wrong. I mean, you both had the same reason for the crime, what makes her innocent and you guilty? Your verdicts should’ve been switched.

T2:

- You should’ve trusted your feelings.

- She’s not like you, she’s the one who made you like this! The one who practically ruined your life!!

- If in T1 you were voted innocent, you wished you didn’t share a verdict with her.’

- If in T1 you were voted guilty, you were annoyed. How come she got innocent, yet you got guilty? She’s the wrong one, she’s the guilty one!!

- She would try to convince you to stay friends, probably through guilt tripping. But she’s likely used that on you before, back before MILGRAM. Tricking someone the same way twice is quite difficult.

- After the failed attempt at convincing you two to stay friends… she just avoids you.

- It was quite pleasing when she got voted guilty. She deserved it.

————————————

[dross-the-fish]

Can we get a drabble or doodle of a lucid werewolf Larry seeing his reflection for the first time?

The first thing Larry became aware of was Adam Frankenstein standing over him, watching him closely. To the right of Adam a much smaller figure came into view, Edward Hyde, notebook in hand and a pen clenched between his crooked teeth. Hyde removed the pen and set it against the notepad.

“Nod or shake your head,” he said brusquely, “I’m going to run a few tests and then we’ll unstrap you. First test: can you understand me?”

Larry nodded.

“Second test: do you feel calm?”

Larry thought for a moment, he was anxious but not panicked or enraged. Calm enough he supposed. He nodded.

“Third test: do you remember your own name?”

A nod.

“Tap three times against the arm of your chair.” Hyde said as he scribbled away in the notebook.

Adam watched as Larry complied. He exchanged glances with Edward, who nodded. Satisfied that the serum had worked and Larry was lucid he began unstrapping him. Larry wobbled to his feet, it was difficult to use this form, so alien was it from his natural human state, that he had to grip Adam’s arms for support as he learned to balance himself without his wolfish instincts to guide him. He was aware, for the first time that the air smelled different and that the room, which should have been dim, seemed almost as bright as day. His ears pricked at the sudden intake of new sounds, previously imperceptible to his human senses.

He tried to speak but the sound was garbled and doggish, growling in frustration he indicated his face with a wide paw.  He looked back and forth between Adam and Hyde in the hopes that they’d understand his gesturing. “Do you…do you wish to see yourself?” Adam asked him at length.

Larry nodded furiously.

Adam glanced down at Hyde with a questioning frown.

“Well go on and get him a mirror!” Hyde snapped impatiently, “There’s no reason he shouldn’t see himself.”

Striding across the room Adam retrieved a hand mirror from a drawer and brought it to Larry, “Remember, whatever you see in this mirror, it doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t change that we care about you,” he resting a hand on Larry’s furred shoulder.

Hyde made a derisive noise and Larry could practically hear him rolling his eyes. Somehow that cheered him a little. Adam’s grave countenance often made Larry feel more anxious and, while he knew the creature cared, Adam’s tendency to treat him like a baby chick with a broken wing grated on him.

Slowly Larry lifted the mirror and gazed into it.

It was…

Terrible.

The sight of the wolf creature, with its hairless dog face and the rough bristly fur framing it and tufting up in all directions filled him with disgust. He opened his mouth to examine his teeth. His muzzle was too blunt to be a proper dog’s snout but elongated far past what was normal for human jaws and filled with fangs. Fangs that had torn out his own mother’s throat…

A wave of panic overtook him and he shoved the mirror back at Adam. Chest heaving, he looked down at his clawed hands. He was going to cry; he was going to be sick. He whined and covered his face with his paws, mind reeling and he could feel his consciousness beginning to careen towards the edge of something terrible.

It was Hyde’s hand on his forearm that brought him back.

“Easy,” he said, “Try to keep calm. You’re still you right now and you’ve got to hang on to that, no matter what you might be feeling.”

 It took some effort but Larry managed to still the turmoil that threatened to take over his mind. Once he felt stable again, he looked over at Hyde as though to ask, “What next?”

“I think a walk on the grounds might do you good, get you used to that body of yours,” Hyde made a few more notes and pocketed the notebook, “Adam and I will hang close and observe you for the night, just to make sure the serum lasts. If all goes well it means no more strapping you down at night and you can roam the manor or the grounds as you please.”

Adam laid a hand on Larry’s back, “I think we should go and show Quincey, he’s been worried about you. Last night I found him asleep outside in the hallway.”

The mental image of his good, steadfast, Quincey waiting up all night him made Larry’s chest fill with a pleasant and welcome warmth. There was no one Larry wanted to see more right now than Quincey Harker and he nodded enthusiastically.

A look of brief understanding passed across Adam’s features and he smiled, “I think perhaps that would do you a lot of good. Come on, let’s go and find him,” he said guiding Larry out the door.

[justanother-unluckysoul]

CS Fic: “Trapped” 1/2

I live! Apologies for the absence. My muse went on holiday way back in August and it’s only been this week that I feel she’s finally coming back to me. Leaving me just a few days to get this fic that was originally supposed to be for Whumptober wrapped up in time for @cosette141​′s birthday instead.

It is gratuitous whump and hurt/comfort with a tiny thread of plot that you really shouldn’t look too hard at. For context, this is set in some future time after the end of Once, and Killian has ventured beyond Storybrooke (who knows why? I sure don’t lol) where he has encountered some bad luck of course. Unedited and rushed a bit but hopefully not terrible? Just enjoy this for what it is and don’t ask any questions lol

Read On A03

Trapped

“Killian?” Her voice from the dark startled him, and he brought the phone back up to his ear with a shaking hand. He couldn’t remember when he’d lowered it.

“Emma?” Damn it, Killian couldn’t remember when he’d called her either. “I’m here.”

“Keep talking to me.”

“What do you want me to say, love?” 

“Anything. Just… I need to know you’re still there.”

—

“Killian, can you hear me? Killian!”

“What is it, Swan?”

“Oh, thank god. You weren’t answering.”

“My apologies, love. It’s alright. I’m still here.”

“Okay. That’s good. It shouldn’t take them much longer, right?”

Who’s them? Killian felt like he should know the answer, but the memory escaped him, his head throbbing worse the more he reached for the missing knowledge.

“... No, not much longer. Just stay with me until then, Emma.”

“I will.”

—

“Emma?”

“Yes?”

“I think… I think something’s wrong..” 

“What do you mean?”

“I… I’m not sure. I don’t feel right.”

“Just stay calm, okay? Tell me what you’re feeling.”

“I think I’ve forgotten something.”

“Like what?”

“If I remember, love, I’ll tell you.”

“...Of course. Just don’t worry about that right now, okay?”

—

“Killian, answer me!”

“Sorry, love… I must have drifted off for a moment there.”

“Well, don’t do that again. No more drifting, Killian, I need you here with me.”

It was difficult to stay there, to stop drifting away, with nothing to anchor him but the pain. He wished he could hold Emma’s hand. 

“I’m cold.”

“I’m sorry. They’re working as fast as they can.”

“I want to go home.” Bloody hell. He hadn’t meant to say that. It was the plea of a frightened, wounded child for the comfort of familiarity. It had been a long, long time since Killian was a child.

He swallowed against the wave of emotion and dug his fingers into the soft dirt beneath him, the damp earth against his skin a pale replacement for the reassurance of feeling Emma’s hand in his, but it was the best he could manage for the moment.

“We’ll be home soon,” Emma said, and he could hear in her voice the same fear and pain as in his. 

He had to find something to anchor himself or he’d slip away. He could feel it, the life draining out of him, his mind slowing down, each beat of his heart pounding in his head. He was already losing moments and it had only been Emma’s panicked shouts that pulled him back from the edge. He was so tired.

Killian didn’t want to worry her but he knew he didn’t have much longer. 

“Emma?”

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

“Don’t do that,” Emma snapped, “Don’t act like you’re going to die.”

“I’m…”

“You’re not going to die, Killian. I forbid it.”

He chuckled, wincing when the breath caught in his ribs. His jaw clenched, teeth gritted tight but a quiet groan broke free anyway. 

He forced himself to breathe slowly, trying to sound normal when he responded, “Ah, the princess forbids it, does she?”

“She does.” 

“I’m not saying goodbye, love.”

“It sounded like a goodbye. People always say they love you when they’re saying goodbye.”

“I just needed you to hear it, Emma.”

“There’ll be plenty of time to say how much you love me when this is over.”

He resigned himself to it. Of course Emma wouldn’t allow him to say goodbye. Bloody stubborn woman. 

“Of course, love.” 

She was quiet for a time. 

“I love you too, Killian.”

“No goodbyes, remember?”

She laughed, but it sounded weak and watery, and Killian pictured there to be tears in her eyes as she held the communication device to her lips. It brought tears to his own eyes. 

“Shut up,” Emma said, “It’s not a goodbye. I just had to say it back.”

“I know.”

His head had really started to hurt now, like it was being squeezed in a vice, but through the pain Killian finally remembered what he’d been forgetting.

“There was… there was someone else,” he whispered. “Someone else? Where?”

“She was here, I think. I don’t know, I can’t s-see… Gods, my head...”

—

“Killian, can you hear me?”

He was sinking. His own body was an anchor now, pulling him into the depths of the ocean, down into the dark and the cold. 

“Killian!”

But no, he can’t be underwater because he could still breathe, albeit with difficulty. And there was… there was someone holding his hand. 

“Emma?” His voice was a weak and broken thing. It stole the little breath he had in his lungs and he couldn’t seem to get enough of it back. 

“Yes, I’m here,” she said, “Stay with me, okay?”

His chest hurt. No, more than simply hurt; trying to draw breath was agony. He didn’t have the strength to open his eyes, too occupied with the previously simple task of breathing. Perhaps he was underwater after all. 

The world beyond him and Emma was hazy. He was distantly aware there were other people around them; other voices, other sounds. Light and shadow that didn’t match where Killian thought he was. But he couldn’t expand his awareness further than the pain in his chest and his head and Emma’s hand squeezing his. He wondered, for a moment, if someone had reached into his chest and was crushing his heart, and although the pain now wasn’t quite the same, the memory was enough to make him panic. Make him forget where he was, who he was with, make him pull away from Emma’s hand and choke on what little air he had, his entire body lighting up with pain.

“No, no, Killian, don’t move,” Emma’s voice reached him through it, her hands on his shoulders, coaxing him to stay down with a gentle pressure, “You’re safe, I promise. Lie still. Focus on your breathing, okay?”

The problem with focusing on his breathing was that it only made him aware of how difficult breathing was. There was something over his face now, and his eyes opened again to find the room had changed between blinks, that the lights were harsher and brighter and Emma was gone. 

“Emma,” he whispered. Gods, he had no strength left. At least the pain had eased a little now.

“Just relax for us, sir.”

A stranger’s voice. He felt a brief flash of panic, not enough to rouse his tired muscles into motion, before he slipped once more into darkness.

 —-

 To begin with, Killian wasn’t even certain he was awake or trapped in some horrid nightmare. Everything was so white. And he felt so weak he could barely move. There was something in his mouth and down his throat that was choking him while a cacophony of noise assaulted him, and to top it all off, when he tried to lift his hand to remove whatever was preventing him from breathing properly, someone bloody restrained him. 

He could tell there was a voice speaking among all the noise, but he couldn’t make out what was being said. 

They didn’t want him to fight but that was all Killian wanted to do, instinct taking over reason. His mind was all pain and panic, he couldn’t breathe and they didn’t understand, he couldn’t- 

 The thing in his throat was gone when Killian found his senses again, exhausted and hurting in too many places to list. There were still strange little tubes and wires stuck all over him, but he knew better than to try removing any of those. 

Movement by his bedside caught his eye and he turned his head, slow and with a wince because his head was on that list of hurt parts. Emma. Her eyes widened as they met his and she stood up from the chair, her hands hovering over him like she was afraid to touch him, afraid of hurting him.

“Easy, easy,” she soothed, “Just breathe slowly, stay relaxed, okay?”

He was not relaxing at all. He wanted to hold her, to reassure himself that she was okay. That she hadn’t been hurt like he had. 

“Em-” He broke off into coughing, each one sending blinding pain across his chest until he was almost doubled over in the bed, arms wrapped around his torso as he struggled to suppress the coughs. 

“Here, this will help,” Emma said, bringing an ice chip to his mouth. 

She was right, it did help, cold and wet and easing his body’s urgent need for coughing. He leaned back against the pillow, taking careful, shallow breaths so he wouldn’t set it off again.

“Do you remember what happened?”

It came back to him in pieces - the distant rumble before the ground began to shake, the way he’d locked eyes with the child, lunging for her, taking her in his arms just as the floor swallowed them both…

“Just pieces,” he rasped. The ice chip, though it provided relief from the coughing fit, had failed to fully soothe the rawness of his throat. “There was… an earthquake? I remember a child… I was trying to protect her. Is she…?”

Emma’s smile was watery as she fed him another ice chip. 

“Yes, that’s right. You did protect her. When the floor gave way, it looked like you took the brunt of the fall and then rolled over to shield her from debris. She actually managed to climb out of the rubble herself before you woke up, and she told the search team where you were. She just had some minor cuts and bruises, but you…”

She took a steadying breath as she thought of the traumatic event and Killian reached for her hand, squeezing it gently to reassure her. 

“I’ll be alright, love.”

“I know.” 

Emma looked down at their joined hands.

“Killian, you had a collapsed lung, some broken ribs, a pretty bad concussion. It wasn’t… it wasn’t good. You’ve been sleeping for a few days.”

“I’m sorry to scare you, Emma.” 

“I’m checking you out of here tomorrow,” she said. “I can heal you and then we can go home. Of course they wouldn’t let me take you anywhere until you were stable, but I’m so sorry you had to go through all that. You know, being intubated and stuff.”

“It’s alright, love, you know that’s not your fault.”

“Damn muggles.”

He had no bloody idea what she was talking about.

“Aye, pesky things, those… muggles.”

Emma smiled in a way that told him she knew he didn’t understand the reference, despite his effort to follow the conversation. 

“Harry Potter,” she prompted.

“Ah. Of course.” His memory was still a little fuzzy, it seemed, because now he did remember Henry talking of such things from his books about wizards and warty hogs.

—-

“Are you up to some visitors?” the nurse asked.

“Visitors?” Emma repeated, “Who is it?”

She was being unnecessarily suspicious, Killian thought; they had no enemies in the lands beyond Storybrooke.

“A young woman and a child. She said you saved her sister during the earthquake?”

“Of course, let them in,” Killian said.

The child led her sister in quite eagerly by the hand and came to a stop at the foot of Killian’s bed.

“Are you feeling better, Mr Jones?” she asked without preamble.

“Aye, much better, thank you. But I’m sorry, I can’t seem to remember your name.”

“I’m Lilo. You really don’t remember me?”

“Well, not exactly. I hit my head when we fell, you see, so my memories are still a bit confused. I can only remember some of the events from that day.”

“I understand,” Lilo said very seriously. “I’m glad you’re feeling better though.” She seemed to suddenly remember she’d dragged her sister in with her. “Oh, this is my sister Nani.”

“Killian Jones. This is my wife, Emma.”

“Lovely to meet you both,” Nani said. “You’re a hero, Mr Jones.”

He chuckled awkwardly. 

“Hardly.”

“I mean it. You saved my sister’s life. And very nearly at the cost of your own, she tells me.”

“It wasn’t that bad.”

“It was that bad,” Emma interjected.

There was a poignant silence for a moment. 

“Well, we’ll let you get some rest. Thank you, again.”

“Get well soon, Mr Jones,” Lilo said with a wave as they exited the room.

Part 2 coming soon-ish, because my muse has further ideas for this but I ran out of time to complete it within the deadline!

[kardions]

Revelation

Xavery learns of what happened to his birth parents & how Elliot came to adopt him. Enjoy!

“They were Sharlayan citizens… my best friends. We all ran as fast and far as we could once we realized what Guildivain was doing. Unfortunately, Orcus got to Aemelia and Kaden before I could, though. I… had no fight left.”

No. No, no, no. 

They deserved better.

I can still meet them one day. 

I knew I shouldn’t have asked about my birth parents. 

Elliot sighed—something the Miqo'te man did only when he felt truly at a loss. Based on his collapsed shoulders and furrowed brows, I could tell this was just as difficult to share as it was for me to hear. Hurting one of my adoptive dads wasn’t on my list of things to do today, but I guess I still managed to check it off.

“It’s okay, honey. They needed to learn eventually…,” my Au’ra dad, Goldric, whispered in an attempt to console Elliot. 

“Doesn’t make this easier,” Elliot responded. 

“What about me?! Don’t I get a say in this?!,” I found myself snapping back. 

Elliot was on the verge of tears. “Yes, but this isn’t about you right now! They were my best friends! How do you think I feel?”

I was dumbstruck. My dad rarely raised his voice at my younger siblings and I, let alone reacted with targeted jabs. He was hurting, sure, but I had just asked if he or Goldric knew anything about my birth parents. The figurative bandages I wore weren't the only thing ripped off now; they took the thick skin I’d developed with them. 

“Elliot! How dare you speak to Xavery like that!”. At least someone here was lawful-good; Goldric always took a pacifist-centric approach to everything. 

I squinted angrily and gritted my teeth at the Miqo’te sitting opposite the kitchen table. Turns out he was ready for a fight, now mirroring my expression. 

I slammed the table and raised myself to standing. “Excuse me?! This isn’t about me? Me, who asked about my real parents?!” Shit. I immediately regretted saying that. I could only hang my jaw open in terror. Elliot’s disgusted expression spoke volumes; I had struck an off-key chord. 

“I–I–Not like that! I messed up! I meant ‘birth parents’! I’m sorry, Elliot!”

He kept his eyes closed and arms crossed. “Oh no. You’re not forgiven. You know what else you’re not? My real son.” The Miqo'te man got up and walked away from the table. 

“Elli! Don’t do this!,” Goldric turned to me, an anxious expression painting his visage. “He’s just upset. He has no right to speak to you like that. I–I’ll talk to him, Xavey-baby!”

“Fuck off”. With a punch of the table using the butt of my fist, I sprinted out of the house. 

The roof. No, too close. The forest. The canopy of the trees. Yes. 

On my way out, I grabbed my harp; I kept instruments near the front door so they’d be readily accessible when leaving for gigs. With my harp in hand, my feet took control and led me into the forest about ten minutes from our home. 

Can’t breathe. Slow down, Xav. You’re far enough away now. 

I made my way to the top of the tallest tree I could find—the one Elliot pointed out to me during our first hunting trip together. 

Wish he never showed me this fucking tree.

Just as I reached the top, ready to relax and strum my stringed instrument, I saw a silver tail wagging. A voice called out to me. 

“I knew you’d come here”. It was Elliot. 

“If you’re so fucking smart, you should’ve predicted me leaving now,” I retorted, slowly climbing back down our tree. 

He sighed. “Xav, I’m a lot of things, but smart isn’t one of them,” Elliot chuckled. “Apparently being a real dad is on that list, too.”

I stopped a few feet below him, still holding the trunk with one arm and my harp with the other. My dad never turned to look at me, but I could feel his soft smile. 

“What do you want from me, Miqo?”

“An ear… or two. Preferably one that learns best by listening and can identify a note within seconds”.

“Fine”. I climbed up to a sturdy branch on the opposite side of the trunk from him. How my dad could stay perched in his squat was beyond me. Even after years of practice, I still had to hold adjacent branches for stability. “I’m here. Just spit it out”. 

“I’m sorry, Xavery”. Elliot turned to me, his eyes glassy and bloodshot. “I’m sorry I was never a good dad.”

“But—”

“No. I’m going to stop you there. Goldie is the kind-hearted one. He sees the good in everyone and has been more present than I ever was. I’m sorry hunts took—and still take—so much of my time. I’m sorry I don’t know how to show how much I love you, Xavey-baby”. 

“I…”. I was at a loss for words. Elliot never showed what he was truly feeling, but I knew he cared deeply for his family. This was something I appreciated about him, to be honest; he put us first by putting on a strong and detached front. Whenever someone insulted or invalidated our “impure” family structure, Elliot was our shield. He was always dependable, courageous and valiant. He was my hero. “Dad…” 

His ears twitched forward upon hearing me refer to him as my dad. “Xavery… you’ve only ever called me ‘Elliot’ …”

I sighed and smiled softly. After a few moments, I responded, “Don’t you think it’s about time we changed that?”

He returned the expression. “Thank you, kid. Let me make it up to you by being a real dad. Are you ready to hear the rest of the story from earlier?”

“Yeah, but only if I can strum at the same time”.

He chuckled. “Of course, kid. I believe we left off at Orcus. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I couldn’t save them.” A warm spring breeze blew through the canopy, as if on cue. “We were all tired, sore and hungry from days of running.”

As he spoke, I strummed a scale in a minor key, reflecting my current mood. My dad seemed to notice. 

“I know it’s not easy to hear this, but I think it’ll help you move forward—in everything you do. If you need me to stop, though, I will”. 

I shook my head in disagreement and continued strumming. 

“Okay, good. I’ve already mentioned… Orcus. More on that later. For now, Guildivain. He was testing people of various races to see if he could weed out disabilities and create a ‘perfect’ and ‘pure’ world. I was lucky in that I only had corrupt aether injections weekly. The scientists—”

“INJECTIONS?!”, I exclaimed, halting my strumming. “You’ve never told me this!”

“It never came up, kid. Trust me, not as bad as what your birth parents went through. I wish they had an easier life, believe me.”

“Still bad, though…”, I whispered. 

“I appreciate you caring, Xavey. But the injections didn’t work on me; I now have enhanced abilities since I was injected with beast aether and blood”.

“Blood, too?!”

“Yes. Again, not fun, but not lethal. Are you okay with me continuing?”

I nodded and strummed another minor scale. “Mhmm”. 

“Okay. Your parents were already in an intimate, romantic relationship; these are the people Guildivain was looking for. He… he–um—”. My dad started choking up. 

I paused my strumming once more. “You don’t… have to continue… you know”.

“Actually, I do. It’s hard to share, but it needs to be shared. He injected them with his own aether and blood and forced them to procreate”. He started crying. 

“ … What the fuck?”

“Yes. It was deplorable. I only found out when us test subjects had our allotted free time. We were forced to congregate in a large concrete room with small, high windows. As we ate, we learned to speak in code so guards couldn’t punish us for sharing our experiences with each other.”

“Dear gods…”

I was speechless. My dad had endured Guildivain’s wrath but still carried on with a smile. Not only that, but he focussed on saving my birth parents when the time came. How he never lashed out at the man was beyond me. However, this story made me proud to call him my father. 

“Yes. Aemilia was dyslexic and Kaden was deaf in his right ear. Guildivain was trying to see if he could weed out those disabilities and produce a ‘perfect’ offspring. The ones that didn’t meet his demanding criteria for ‘perfect’ were… destroyed. I’m not sure how, but they weren't allowed to live. One day, someone pulled the fire alarm and we test subjects took that as an opportunity to flee. I found your parents and led them out. You were two at the time and—”

“Wait… you were there for more than two years?!,” I asked, shocked. 

“Unfortunately, yes. Five years, actually. Guildivain needed time to see if you were dyslexic or not. Luckily for you, you dodged a grim fate by being too young.”

“Guess so…”

“Yeah,” he sighed. “We ran for days, finding shelter and seeking solace anywhere we could. Eventually, with a lot of help, we got to Gridania. However, the toll of the tests and escape wore down on your parents. At this point, Orcus was hunting any mortals he could find—he still is, but to a lesser extent from what I’ve heard—and found your parents. Aemilia thrust you—a swaddled bunny boy—into my arms. Her last words were ‘I love this child. Their name is Xavery. Keep them safe’. Kaden’s were ‘our love for them is unending’. Orcus possessed them then feasted on their flesh”. 

Elliot’s face was pale, his stare at the forest floor below, blank. 

“Elli–um–dad. I… I’m sorry.” There was nothing I could say to make this easier for him. He was the one who had to live through the story; I only had to hear it second-hand. 

He shook his head and sighed. 

“No, kid, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner and I’m sorry I’m not stronger for that experience. I’m sorry.”

“Dad, you did all you could. You’re the one who had to live through everything! I have the luxury of choosing not to connect to it. Thank you for sharing. I’m proud of you.”

He slowly lifted his head in my direction, a smile creeping along his face. A tear formed and gracefully fell down his left cheek. 

“I appreciate you, kid. I don’t think I’ll be over it for a long time, if ever. But hearing that you’re proud of me makes me proud to be your dad.”

“I’ll always be proud of you, Elliot.”

“And I of you, Xavery.”

[luvingtsumu]

𝐃𝐄𝐄𝐏 𝐅𝐄𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 𖥔 ࣪˖ ( MIYA ATSUMU X FEM!READER )

being in love was already horrible for atsumu. but being in love with his best friend was a pure torture; he couldn’t let you know, he shouldn’t, even if that meant he had to suffer in silence. the problem was that every day it became more and more difficult to keep hiding his feelings.

★ genre: fluff | content: friends to lovers, atsumu is head over heels, repressed feelings, jealousy.

★ author’s note: i’m not joking when i tell you that tumblr kept not-saving this stupid one-shot. i literally had to write it over and over again 5 TIMES 👺

“You’re staring too much.” you told Atsumu, grinning.

Atsumu blinked a few times, realizing he had been staring at you the whole time you were speaking.

His cheeks got a red color, so subtle that you didn’t noticed.

“If you like me, just say it.” you joked.

“S-shut up! Ya wish I liked ya, ugly.” he mumbled, turning his head down to look at his food instead.

“Ugly!? Look who’s speaking. Mr. Piss hair.” you glared at him.

“‘s blonde!” he snapped his head towards you.

“Is the word ‘toner’ not in your vocabulary?”

“Shut up!”

His hand reached for your cheek, pinching it as you whined. Suna and Osamu ate in silence as they saw you two fight, again.

He finally let go of you, watching you as you rubbed your —now red— cheek, a small smile on your face. The light of the restaurant made you look angelic, and your giggles were enough to make his heart skip a beat.

He didn’t knew how, why or when it started happening, but your presence made him feel butterflies on his stomach. No, butterflies was an understatement. He felt a whole zoo on his stomach whenever you were close to him.

He knew it was wrong, so he got better at hiding it. No one could ever know that you’d managed to get under his skin. He was the setter of the volleyball team, an outstanding player, a handsome and smart young dude, and he was one of the most popular guys in school. And yet, his best friend was the only one who could bring him to his knees.

“We were talkin’ ‘bout goin’ to the bowlin’ place after this.” Osamu said, interrupting whatever fantasy Atsumu was having.

“Bowling?” you whined “I’m wearing heels, can’t we go somewhere else?”

“Like where?”

“I don’t know, to the mall?” you grabbed one french fry and took a bite of it as you looked at Suna and Osamu.

“To the mall? That’s boring.” Suna said “What are we gonna do, walk around?”

“Pretty much.” you said “Come on! It’s supposed to be my time to choose.”

“But no one likes your ideas.” Suna smirked.

“That’s cause you guys are boring.” you mumbled and turned to look at Atsumu “‘tsumuuu, do something.”

The way you looked at him made him stumble like an idiot. Your eyes were the most beautiful thing he ever saw in his 17 years of life, they were like the stars in the night sky.

“What…What happened?” he asked, not even aware of his surroundings, just you.

“They don’t want to go to the mall because apparently my ideas are too boring.” your lips formed a small pout, and it was taking everything in Atsumu to not steal a kiss from you.

Atsumu thought back on how many times he watched you complain because nobody liked your ideas. He had never gotten bored when you took him to the mall and when you told him about all the makeup you bought and your girlie things.

Everything seemed to be 10 times more interesting when you were there. He didn’t mind carrying all your bags or walking for hours as long as you were there, he wanted you to be happy, he wanted to see every smile and hear every laugh that you could give him.

“Well, I could go to the mall with ya and we’ll catch up with ‘em later.” he suggested.

“Really?” you smiled and he smiled too, nodding “Thank you, ‘tsumu! See? Sometimes you’re nice.” you joked, making him roll his eyes as he chuckled.

“Try this on.” you got in tiptoes to reach for his head and he leaned down towards you.

You helped him put on a beanie, he felt your hands on his hair, your touch was so gentle and, god, he hoped you wouldn’t notice the way his face flushed in red.

He felt your breath on his neck, such a simple thing that made his world stop. He couldn’t stop looking at you, his eyes were only for you, they always have been.

“What do you think?” you smiled at him, waiting for a reaction that never came because he was too dumbfounded.

“I— uh.” he was stuttering, something he’d never done before.

When did it all come to this? When did everything changed about how he saw you?

Your eyes were the sun, your laugh the sound of rain, and your smile the flowers blooming. You were perfection. How could he earn being the right to be close to you? He didn’t want things to happen because everything was forcing it to happen, he wanted things to happen because you wanted it to happen.

“Atsumu?” his name sounded like an angelic call when you said it, and he wanted you to be the only girl that would ever say it.

“Hm?” he mumbled, finally realizing that he had been staring deeply at you for an awful long time.

“I asked what do you think.” you let out a small chuckle “Of the beanie.”

“‘s nice.” he said, knowing damn well he never once turned to see himself at the mirror “Should I get it?”

“I’ll get it for you!” you took the beanie back from his head and turned around, slowly walking away “It’s a friendship gift.”

“A what?” he walked behind you.

“A friendship gift. To thank you for being my friend.” you laughed.

“Oh.” he reached for your wrist to stop you from going to the cashier “Ya don’t need to buy it fer me, I have my own money, y’know?” he insisted, giving you a small smile.

“Hey, it’s a gift. A friendship gift. You don’t say no to a gift.” you moved your hand to reach for his, intertwining your fingers with his, making him think that they were meant to be intertwined that way “You can buy the ice cream.”

He chuckled “Fine.”

After paying for the beanie and getting some ice cream, you and him sat down to relax a bit before going back with Suna and Osamu.

“Let me put it on you.” you took the beanie out of the bag and stood up to reach his head, placing the beanie on him.

He looked up at you, you looked even better from this angle. He felt how you gently cupped his cheeks with your hands after finishing fixing the beanie for him.

“There! It brings up your eyes.” you chuckled before you let go of him.

You sat back at the table and started eating your ice cream as Atsumu just looked at you with hearts in his eyes. He was sure that ice cream wasn’t even close to how sweet you were.

“Excuse me…” you two turned to look at the brunette that was now standing next to your table “Is she your girlfriend?” he asked Atsumu

Atsumu got quiet for some seconds that felt like hours to him, the words felt heavy on his tongue and he wished the answer to that question was ‘yes’.

“No.” it’s what he ended up saying.

“Oh, alright.” the guy turned to look at you and smiled “I just thought you were really pretty and I was wondering if I could have your Instagram?”

“Sure!” you smiled back, grabbing his phone and typing your username on his search bar.

Atsumu just stayed quiet as he watched the scene, how this guy even had the guts to ask for your Instagram? Couldn’t he see that he was there?

He wasn’t jealous of every guy, but it was this type of guy that made him want to scream; you were smiling, showing your pretty smile to this random guy that surely didn’t deserved it. Why were you so nice to others? Why couldn’t he be the only one allowed to see your smile?

He watched the brunette leave happily with your Instagram, probably ready to text you as soon as he got the chance. Atsumu’s eyes were full of resentfulness, and if you paid enough attention you could see the jealousy in them.

Why everyone could make a move on you except him?

“He was nice.” you said.

“Nice enough to have yer Instagram?” he mumbled looking down, the words leaving his mouth before he could process them.

You scoffed “You’re just jealous I get bitches and you don’t.”

He looked up to see you snickering. You were right, he was jealous, but not of that. He was trying to be strong but the thought of you possibly being so close to another guy made him want to rip his hair out.

He was supposed to be the only one allowed to touch you, to be close to you, and the idea that someone else wanted to have that with you was not tolerable for him anymore.

“Let’s get back to ‘samu ‘nd Sunarin.” he got up from where he was sitting.

You got up too and went to wrap your arm around his elbow. He looked down at you, god, you were gorgeous. He wished he could live all his life like this, with you close to him, your eyes looking up at him as you smiled so happily.

You were right, he was jealous, he was so jealous and envious of every guy that ever got the chance to call you theirs, to call you their girlfriend; and he was mad at every guy that ever broke your heart, cause they waisted the chance of being with such a wonderful girl like you were.

If you gave him a chance, he wouldn't waist it, he would never break your heart, he would never.

"Look, ‘tsumu! The moon!" you pointed at the large window that was in the food section “It's so yellow, like your hair.” you chuckled.

He turned to look at the moon, it was indeed yellow, it looked beautiful, but he was sure your eyes were prettier. He didn’t even noticed when it got so late that the moon started to come out.

He turned his head to look at you as you took pictures of the moon —with his phone, because you were convinced his phone had a better camera.

You had no idea how bad he wanted to pull you close to him, to run his fingers through your hair, to place light kisses on your forehead while you looked at the moon. You had him wrapped around your finger and he was trying to do something completely opposite of what he was thinking because he wanted to keep his cool in front of you.

If only you knew you had his heart on the palm of your hands.

[punkscowardschampions]

Nancy & James

Nancy: Hi, J

Nancy: Kind of an awkward message but I know some stuff went down and I just hope you’re okay

James: I’m fine, but thank you

Nancy: Your brother wasn’t quiet about his dissatisfaction about being home early, that’s how

Nancy: I haven’t spoken to Chlo or anything

James: He rarely is

Nancy: I know, right?

Nancy: The youngest is always the most dramatic

James: I can count on your discretion though, can’t I?

Nancy: Oh God, of course

Nancy: He shouldn’t have announced it like that but I just wanted to see how you were, as he did let it slip

Nancy: it felt wrong to ignore what I was told, you know

James: I appreciate that, and it’s kind of you to reach out

Nancy: We were friends once

James: Yes, I remember, albeit vaguely

Nancy: I think it’s the same for all of us

James: Perhaps, the general consensus does tend to be something to that effect if, or indeed when, the subject is broached

Nancy: We were all young and stupid once, yeah

Nancy: I’m glad you’re okay, is Chlo too?

James: You know her, it’s complicated

Nancy: Right, that does sound like her

Nancy: it’ll be for the best, for you all

James: I hope so, that’s, as ever, my aim 

Nancy: You’re a good person, she’s lucky to have you, as a partner and as an ex

James: I’m on less sure footing there, but thank you, again

Nancy: That must be so crazy for you

Nancy: it’s not like you had a serious partner before her

James: We were young, as you said, all of us

Nancy: We’re not old yet, you’ll enjoy it, when you get back out there

James: Technically we may not be, but I feel it sometimes, don’t you?

Nancy: All the time, it’s awful

Nancy: These kids can make you feel ancient 

James: I’m sorry about Teddy, however he’s behaved while I was away

Nancy: You do owe me for babysitting him but I’ll let it slide for now

James: At least I’m not asking you to perform any actual babysitting duties, you would hate that

Nancy: That’s not fair, I’m not AS opposed to children as I once was, I’m sure yours is as charming as you

James: In my not at all biased and extremely humble opinion, she is, yes

James: though, of course, there’s plenty of time for her to outgrow any similarities to me and I’m certain she’ll be overjoyed about that once she’s old enough to realise her narrow and lucky escape

Nancy: You’re so hard on yourself, it’s too relatable

James: It’s a difficult habit to break, isn’t it?

Nancy: I wish I knew how, because I would tell you to stop 

Nancy: it would be nothing but hypocritical though, when the voice in my head is constant and unpleasant

James: I’ll share the secret should I learn, but I don’t anticipate doing so soon, if ever

Nancy: What do you think did more of a number on us, our parents, school or our overachieving siblings?

James: All of the above?

Nancy: I fear as much 

Nancy: Still, look at you, you’ve done far better than me

James: I’m sorry you’re struggling

Nancy: Oh, it’s fine, I’m fine

Nancy: I do find ‘adulthood’ a bit lonely though… do you see many of our old friends?

James: [tell her who you see, if anyone, cos Chlo picks your friends and I’m sure some of them are the old gang if she’s managed to hang onto any]

Nancy: That makes sense

Nancy: but not [and the people James was actually friends with back then that have clearly not stuck around or made the cut]?

James: No, we went our separate ways 

Nancy: We all kind of got blown apart, one way or the other

Nancy: but it would be nice to see you again, for me

Nancy: and I hope you, if you ever need anyone to talk to

James: I wasn’t aware you missed me, Nancy

James: but I’m likewise here if you need an ear, or anything else

Nancy: Come on, you can’t let your low self-esteem get in the way of the blindingly obvious

James: I don’t know what you mean

Nancy: I always liked you

Nancy: Why wouldn’t I miss you?

James: Did you? I never felt that, as if I’d be missed at all, or have been

Nancy: It wasn’t any of our place to stop you, you had to do what you had to do

Nancy: but everyone thought it was a shame, me included, I can’t believe you didn’t know that

James: There was a lot of information I wasn’t privy to, but that was no one’s fault but my own, being as willingly absent as I became, for one reason or another

Nancy: You were missed, I assure you

Nancy: everything changed, after that

James: Yes, it did

Nancy: Too fast, too young

James: I couldn’t agree more

Nancy: I suppose we have to find a way to move forward now, even if we weren’t prepared then

Nancy: I could use a friend like you, you seem to have it far more figured out 

James: Oh, I feel terrible if I’ve mislead you, because while it is very much my intention to follow through with your suggestion and I am trying, I’m, in truth, closer to a wreck than a stable influence

Nancy: Then you must come out with me

Nancy: I can’t possibly let you navigate this alone when I have being a wreck down to a fine art

James: I don’t know if that’s a good idea

Nancy: Whenever you’re ready

Nancy: I understand that it’s awkward right now

James: It’s important I keep a clear head and I’m not sure I would

Nancy: We can get coffee

Nancy: I do remember your sobriety, by the way

James: Coffee can’t get me into trouble, I suppose

Nancy: I don’t want to get you in trouble

James: The timing isn’t ideal, but it’s far from impossible

James: [suggest a time you can do, you sweet summer child, because you do not realise what this is]

Nancy: That sounds great, I’ll see you then

Nancy: Where do you like to get your coffee?

James: I can’t recall when I last drank a coffee anywhere but at home, you may have to help me

Nancy: Okay, you picked the time, I’ll pick the place, very democratic 

Nancy: [pick a place nearby your fam home and thus him because you frequent them all and would be cool with whatever lbr]

James: I’ll be there

Nancy: 😁

Nancy: Looking forward to it

James: As am I

James: [Can I jump in here and say he has to re-arrange before this day comes because it feels real for his life and also she will be fuming]

James: I’m sorry, something has come up

James: Would [a new date] suit you as a rescheduled date?

Nancy: Oh 😔

Nancy: I was really looking forward to seeing you today, is it your daughter?

James: Yes, unfortunately she has come down with a summer cold, meaning I too have come down with a summer cold

James: I’d hate to pass it along to you after not seeing each other for such a long time, or for my first impression to be this unflattering

Nancy: You poor things! Are you being well looked after?

Nancy: We can do [the rescheduled date] that’s fine with me

James: She’s being nursed devotedly, fatherly duties demanding I sacrifice myself thus

James: I won’t be contagious by then, even if I’m yet to be completely fit and well

Nancy: 🥺 You’re amazing

Nancy: I feel like I should bring you soup

James: Tempting as that is, I should refuse, the neighbours would definitely tell on me as they are want to do

Nancy: Oh I have not missed this neighbourhood 🙄

James: There is no rest for the wicked, regardless of whether your wife has quarantined herself with her parents to avoid catching the current plague upon our house

Nancy: I suppose that is wise, as she’s pregnant but still

Nancy: when will you get your R & R in?

James: Typically when Jay is asleep, sadly at present she barely can more than fitfully, so perhaps, as far as the foreseeable future is concerned, never

Nancy: I hate that, I wish I could help

James: It’ll pass and we can have coffee like normal people

Nancy: As opposed to the insane people we really are?

James: Yes, and I’m almost guaranteed not to fall asleep at the table, which is a relief

Nancy: I won’t let you, that would be too damning a review of my company

James: I assure you it would be no reflection upon it, I’m simply that exhausted, but it won’t last either

Nancy: Darling, being a parent is such frightful work

Nancy: how do you do it, it’s amazing

James: Because you have little option but to

James: take my advice and don’t rush into the endeavour yourself

Nancy: That is highly unlikely, but thank you, I’ll keep your plight in mind

James: Please do, I’m nothing if not this postcode’s cautionary tale

Nancy: It is like Chlo to make the unusual choice

James: She’s always been strong-willed 

Nancy: Yes, something like that

James: I’ll see you on [the new date]

James: I promise not to cancel or reschedule twice

Nancy: You mustn’t, I really do want to see you, to give you a break if nothing else

James: It would be nice, however short lived 

Nancy: Maybe we can make it a thing

James: You aren’t kept busy by your more exciting friends?

Nancy: Don’t be silly, I have all the time for you

James: My calendar tends to be ridiculously full, but I’ll try, as often as is feasible

Nancy: 😌 I appreciate it, James, that you have time for me at all

James: I’m eager to catch up

Nancy: It’s mutual

James: I’m glad to hear it, I’d be mortified to think you simply felt bad for me and therefore obligated to spend an hour reminiscing

Nancy: That’s what I always think people are thinking about me

James: You’re not as pitiful a figure as all that, Nancy

Nancy: Neither are you, I don’t think

James: Thank you

Nancy: I actually think you’re pretty great, honestly

James: I haven’t the slightest clue what I’ve done to earn your flattery, but thank you, again

Nancy: You’re nice, not just to me

Nancy: but I’m sure you don’t want a full list

James: I’m flushed and feverish without one

Nancy: I can’t compete with this bug

James: It’s doing a number on me at the moment

Nancy: Let me get some food sent to you, if I can do anything, I can keep you fed well

James: You don’t need to do that

Nancy: Please?

James: Well, okay

James: I can’t deny dinner would be a help

Nancy: I just want to help, and as nursing you is out of the question thanks to your neighbours

Nancy: this is the next best

James: Your offers are thoughtful and I’m grateful for each of them, especially those which I’m unable to take up

Nancy: Next time, perhaps

James: I don’t intend to get sick repeatedly

Nancy: No one intends to

Nancy: but whenever you next do, I’ll be ready

James: I’ll owe you, I could nurse you through a hangover perhaps, as the symptoms don’t differ wildly

Nancy: Would you do that for me, or would it be too triggering?

James: It’ll serve as a reminder of the unsavoury and therefore off putting aspects, you’ll be doing me a favour really

Nancy: If it’s a favour, how could I turn you down

James: We seem to have struck up a deal then

Nancy: Absolutely

James: Good practice for the newborn horrors also, I fear I’ve utterly blocked out that stage

Nancy: I’m not that bad, I promise

James: We’ll see

Nancy: James!

Nancy: I’m a big girl now, I can handle my liquor

James: My apologies, but scant though my memories are, I have vivid recollections of a few occasions where you absolutely could not

Nancy: 😅 How dare you not believe I’m a changed woman

James: With the evidence in front of me I’ll have no choice

Nancy: If you’re eager to take care of me, we can still make that happen

James: Allegedly you can take care of yourself

Nancy: Not exactly what I said but I suppose

James: I have faith in your reformed character, for now at least

Nancy: That means a lot

James: You deserve chances, everyone does

Nancy: You’ll make me blush

James: I’m sorry, I’m being rather serious, another habit of mine

Nancy: I like it, don’t be

James: In that case, you undeniably have changed

Nancy: I always liked you, I feel like you’re teasing me pretending to have no clue

James: Sincerely, I was in the dark

Nancy: It makes me sad to think about now

James: Please don’t dwell on it if so

Nancy: I would have asked you out, if everything didn’t happen the way it did

James: But it did, and here we are

Nancy: It just isn’t fair, what went down

James: Life isn’t, in my experience, but things do happen for a reason

Nancy: Whether they do or don’t, here we are, as you said

James: And I’m happy you are here, that we’re talking

Nancy: Me too, this is really lovely

James: I’ve lost many things over the years, relationships, parts of myself, I wish I could adequately express the feeling of getting some of them back, alas, this cold continues to thwart me in everything

Nancy: I think you’re doing a brilliant job

James: Because you’re making allowances for how woefully ill I am

Nancy: I would, of course, you are struggling on so heroically, it’s the least I could do

Nancy: I’m just not used to this level of conversation anymore, is the truth, though

James: It’s an uncommon occurrence, conversation, not my heroics, those are naturally something which I’ll pretend is usual

Nancy: You don’t need to pretend to impress me, I already am

James: You’re right, I’ve led you entirely astray and too far if that is your genuine reaction

Nancy: You cannot convince me not to be, I’m sorry

James: But I must

Nancy: It will be a waste of your, highly limited right now, energy

James: When we meet face-to-face I’ll renew my efforts

Nancy: I have no doubt you will

James: Soon

Nancy: Not soon enough

James: In a world where I’m free to use my time as I please, I’d stay and chat, but regrettably I don’t inhabit one, and that’s yet to be proven clearer than it has already been in this moment, hearing a crying child get louder and nearer

James: forgive and excuse me

Nancy: Godspeed

James: [Okay, so the day has arrived, meet her in this cafe or wherever, I know you’re gonna be early sir because you’re that bitch and that kills me already because you gonna look so keen and like this is a date when you are in fact in love with her little sister]

Nancy: [me so glad that you are meeting at a cafe in the day so you can’t dress up and make it so obvious how much you’re looking forward to this date lol, at least it’s customary to do two cheek kisses and a hug as greeting when you turn up giving fashionably late because you’re that girl and you will be going in for that]

James: [I’m glad that he isn’t allowed to serve in this era because this girl doesn’t deserve a lewk, obvs you’ll still look hot cos that’s just your face but, speaking of, yeah you’re gonna have to do the kisses and hug as greeting however awkwardly lol as it is the vibe and what posh people do, but at least then you can sit back down in the comfy armchair vibe you’ve secured, very us pre-aldi shop is what I’m picturing haha but less wintery as we’re here bopping in June]

Nancy: [‘do you feel better?’ as you’re regarding him at arm’s length, trying to prolong the hug but not in a noticeably unhand me lady way lol, no coat to take off but put your handbag down and sort yourself so you feel as if you’re looking your best here, sneaky hair and makeup check]

James: [I 100% vibe you are not better sir because colds can really linger and you definitely didn’t delay this rescheduling for very long at all to be polite and because she was so sad about it, but nevertheless you are nodding and smiling as if you are because you’re that sort of bear ‘What can I order for you?’ because he is nothing if not a gentleman, we know this]

Nancy: [‘worth the risk anyway’ with a big smile because what does catching a cold matter to you, makes you sound a tiny bit unhinged, which you are wholly so not wrong for that, tell him whatever ridiculous coffee order you get with a sheepish smile because you’re like omg, so annoying of me]

James: [a self conscious kind of smile back because you know you should’ve waited until you were better but you did not want to because as we’ve discussed he so badly wants friends and never moreso than after being stuck looking after a sick child in the midst of this drama because I imagine Jay caught this on your flight back like how moomin caught covid so it was immediate after the hol from hell and has cockblocked java’s romantic reconciliation too to some extent whether that’s totally or you’ve managed to sneakily see each other but not as much as you wanted, ANYWAY, the way he’s totally unfazed by this ridiculous coffee order because his wife is even more unhinged, catch him ordering such a boring but practical black coffee though, me like sir you need some kind of cosy tea you are unwell, but I get it, get them ordered and bring them back after however long you’ve patiently waited in what I picture as a fairly busy coffee shop] 

Nancy: [makes sense, sorry we have impure motives and are also a pretty crap friend to have, especially for you, still, I see how you’ve got a mixed message here girl lol, just getting to watch him shamelessly whilst he gets these drinks, full chin in your hands moment ‘til you have to sit back up properly to take your coffee and take a sip before you say anything else, smiling again ‘it’s weird, how long it’s been since we last saw each other’ because even if it was a Chlo related thing, it’s clearly been a minute there too]

James: [thank god java are a thing because I’d feel too sad for him about this going tits up otherwise, even if it adds another dimension to the weird and awkwardness of this lil reunion rn, hence his ‘yes, it is’ reflecting that cos Ava and their secret love affair is the elephant in this room for him atm even before he realises she has romantic motives herself here]

Nancy: [oh when she finds out that little bombshell, already resents Ava and everything about her, never mind adding this mortification to the tally lmao, I don’t know what ‘revenge’ you will enact or at least want to but it will be the drama; for now ‘we can just enjoy the silence and our drinks’ giving no pressure vibes because current goal is not to just get tea out of you about your marriage and disaster hol, want you to want us]

James: [soz girl he genuinely didn’t mean to lead you on but he accidentally has a little bit, oops, here taking a sip of his drink like okay because he actually is chill and there aren’t enough what he believes to be comfortable silences in his life honestly, ‘You look well’ said eventually in a I hope I don’t give you this cold we both know I still have tone]

Nancy: [raising your brows, amused ‘just well?’ but you’re smiling down because any compliment truly, even with the way he meant it and the way some people take well to mean fat or whatever ‘you too, despite current bacteria or what have you taking over’ GLANCING up at him slightly from behind your hair because he is handsome, undeniably]

James: [‘And blonde’ because she is very blonde in this era but she can pull it off unlike some people so there’s no shade ‘I can’t help but wonder if there may be something in the water I don’t know about, or am perhaps just immune to, in contrast to summer colds’ because Teddy is hilariously also in his very blonde era so that’s amusing ‘Oh, thank you’ self conscious again because he is that bitch not because he fancies you soz, complete with a perfectly timed cough into his elbow that is also amusing, gotta apologise when he stops coughing because he’s also that bitch ‘sincerest apologies for the persistent lingering of said bacteria, I had hoped they’d do the polite thing’]

Nancy: [‘you’re literally tall, dark and handsome, why would you mess with that’ shrugging like you don’t even need to worry about a blonde phase boy, so true, bit rude to yourself and Teddy but we’re not worrying about that right now ‘I do feel bad for dragging you out, but you must’ve been back to work, school, all that far worse stuff, right?’]

James: [‘I suppose I am rather a cliche’ still in an amused tone as if she flat out called him one ‘and you have chosen the kindest of the many I seem to embody’ like thank you, again ‘Quite, I was straight back into the office as per my father’s strict instructions, he would assert that I’ve enjoyed enough of a holiday without requesting further days to lie in bed’ in a don’t feel bad tone because life doesn’t stop especially when your dad is that bitch]

Nancy: [‘a catch’ as a correction, rolling our eyes playfully like oh please, you are so blessed before we are swiftly doing a sad face because out here truly thinking we can relate with our whole chest despite the fact your parents would never employ you and thus you are not in the same boat honey, shaking your head like ugh ‘you would think the world would stop turning if a day’s business is missed’]

James: [not this boy taking another sip of coffee so he doesn’t have to respond to that, because even though he thinks she’s just being nice and hyping him up as a friend would, we’re still awks about it as he is with all compliments and things like that, putting his cup down a little too hard for deliberate emphasis like how true because so sick of his dad’s nonsense by this point, not as hardcore as Teddy is but we likewise don’t wanna work there soz dad, but he’s not the sort of bear to openly bitch about the fam unlike his brother]

Nancy: [when this should be an awkward silence but you’re still powering on here because it isn’t long enough to be blatant ‘you’re not going to move back in with your parents, are you?’ a genuine face of sympathy ‘that’d be awful’]

James: [‘Absolutely not’ love that he’s leaning closer to say this like we’ve gotta keep it a big secret how much I would hate that and hence would never even consider it, again it looks kinda flirty and I’m soz]

Nancy: [touching your hand to your chest like THANK GOD, smiling at him as you’re just getting to study his face closer up, nbd ‘I could never go back’]

James: [‘No, neither could I, a weekly visit more than suffices’ because oh sundays what fun you are, the emphasis put on the word more really making that blatant but we’re still in close proximity and conspiratorial friendly whispers so it’s fine]

Nancy: [just telling him about the last time you bothered to go home and spend time with your family and what fun that was, putting your hand on his forearm like you simply gotta because fits the vibe that’s being put across]

James: [when you’re actually listening sympathetically and that’s really gonna look like you fancy her but you’re just a caring good egg, catch him genuinely trying to help and give her advice that’s applicable to what she said, oh James ily]

Nancy: [we all know that you’re the problem it’s you, whatever story you just told, probably trying to be amusing but you’re only going to LOVE the fact he’s essentially taken your side in his being sympathetic and trying to help, even if that’s not what you were going for ‘you’re so nice, James, you really deserve better people around you’ still clutching his arm but relaxing the OMG I must tell you grip of it so now you’re just resting your hand there lightly]

James: [you have accidentally validated her when she’s clearly the one in the wrong here not baze but like Teddy you can see that she is genuinely struggling with things and trying to get attention in the wrong ways doesn’t mean the attention isn’t still needed and you feel like you can’t help him and you hate that, so it all tracks, the awkward moment when you’ve gotta move your arm away because even if this is a friendly touch in the way that some peeps are just touchy feely you don’t wanna encourage it/again feel the ghost of Ava in the room, so do it in such a way that you need to blow your nose rn immediately and it doesn’t look shady]

Nancy: [moving back into your own seat because you were clearly on the edge by that point, doing your own cough, not because you’ve caught this cold but you do feel the awkwardness this time]

James: [try not to look too adorable blowing your nose sir because you’re giving such cute vibes being all ill ‘I’m trying to be a better person myself’ said like but it’s hard because I’m not nice or good ‘it doesn’t come the most naturally, but I really am committed to the continued attempt’]

Nancy: [‘is that something you learned in rehab?’ sounds very shady but actually not being, we would like to know, we’re absolutely enough of a hot mess that we’ve considered if that’s what we need even though we never will, not properly committed, at least]

James: [‘Between you and I, I’m not convinced I learned anything in rehab’ because it’s how he feels having been forced there against his will before he was ready for it, obvs ‘fatherhood meanwhile has taught me a lot, and with the second go looming, changes have to be made’]

Nancy: [nodding like as I suspected, on both counts, doing a big sigh like well ‘I’ll have to stay a bad person then’ making a face like lol c’est la vie]

James: [‘I don’t think you’re a bad person, a little lost, but that isn’t an irredeemable flaw, particularly not yet, at this point in your life’ when you’re just nice and you just see the good and the potential in people and things]

Nancy: [blushing for real, rubbing your cheek against your shoulder like you can stop yourself ‘please’ like oh you but so sincerely touched that we can’t brush it aside]

James: [‘I was too, I am still, but if there’s hope for me, there certainly is for you, Nancy’ again, just so sincerely meaning this on this day, soz not soz]

Nancy: [‘we’ve got a lot in common, you and I’ yes and no sis but in the moment you really feel it because you know he was a mess and that you still are]

James: [‘we do’ because you feel it too, if only the shared messiness factor and that being what everyone knows and talks about when they discuss you ‘hesitant as I am to draw the unfavourable comparison between us, for your sake’ when you’re aware that it sounds shady you calling her a big messy bitch cos sir you really were something]

Nancy: [doing a lil laugh as you shake your head like no, no, it is true, don’t worry about it, just giving him such heart eyes right now]

James: [‘Should you ever need anything, to talk, or temporary refuge from the people who don’t understand and thus aren’t sympathetic, I insist you don’t hesitate’ oh boy, if only you could actually help her/each other like that but that’s not the story arc we’re telling]

Nancy: [‘when can I next see you?’ it does sound like he just asked you on another date but oh girl no, the eagerness]

James: [he’ll be here getting his phone out and checking his calendar rn immediately like he’s as eager, really looks like you love her rn, soz, just wanna help her with her sobriety and loneliness, suggesting a date and everything nbd]

Nancy: [not you carrying on this delusion to live another day, uh-oh lmao, just here nodding and putting this date in your own phone like absolutely]

James: [me like does Ava know about this? Because how weird that will be like yeah don’t mind me just helping your sister turn her life around and hopefully bonding about it but only as besties don’t worry, finish your coffee in the here and now though and ask her if she wants anything else because you see no alarm bells so you’re not rushing off]

Nancy: [you may have told her but you may have not thought to at this point, who is to say, she would have some concerns because we know this bitch but she wouldn’t outright be like NO because bit controlling lol; going to shake our head no because you feel like this has been SUCH a success and you don’t want to flop it now ‘I’ll get them next time’]

James: [you haven’t told her your wife is preggo so it wouldn’t be the biggest secret you’re keeping hun but I feel like because it’s her sister you would mention even if only casually, not the point rn though, smile and nod at Nancy like okay then which is the first time you’ve behaved as if you don’t fancy her by not insisting that you’re gonna pay every time haha but it’s too subtle and doesn’t undo anything that has happened here on this day]

Nancy: [we can always do y’all next just like umm babe lol but here and now collect yourself and your things ma’am, wait for him to open the door and walk you out]

James: [me dying because he will and he’ll do the hug and double kiss goodbye as well as hello and even though it’s so platonic to him it won’t be to her, do you wanna skip to their 2nd meeting or do her taking him up on his offer of an sos/to talk as messages before then or do some java in between set when he gets back from this hol? Because all are possible]

Nancy: [what are you most vibing ma’am because the possibilities do be endless]

James: [I feel like maybe we should leave the java to the end because we’ll get carried away/it will probably be long because there’s the possibility she could nurse him/the possibility they have to pine for longer and either way it’ll be feelsy and it doesn’t matter if we bebop back and forth as long as we know what we’re doing, so yeah, depends if you wanna come at him before this date or if you wanna skip to it]

Nancy: [hmm, should I come at you and null and void the date by being a mess or should I say best behaviour which means you’ll probably try to come at Teddy, which we could also do hmm]

James: [I do love the idea of her being a mess and ruining her best laid plans ngl and it feels very real]

Nancy: [okay, let’s go for that, either is a possibility so here we go, doesn’t matter when this is, just before whenever you’d next planned to meet, obviously giving late night/early AM]

Nancy: James

Nancy: are you awake, I think maybe if you still have that cold

James: [me dying imagining that he’s still awake because java are being peak romance and he’s reading to her/they were on the phone and she has fallen asleep and he was about to but he hasn’t yet, thus immediately replying]

James: Yes, I’m awake

James: Are you okay?

Nancy: Yes and no

Nancy: I’ve been thinking about you a lot, since we met

Nancy: are you okay?

James: I’m fine, but it doesn’t sound as if you are

Nancy: I just wish you were here, instead of all the people who are

James: I could come, whether or not my presence results in anyone else going home, I’m under no illusion I’m able to guarantee such a thing, but if you’d like me to be there nonetheless

Nancy: You’d do that for me?

James: As promptly as traffic allows

James: What’s your address?

Nancy: [give him your address]

Nancy: I knew I should message you, I was debating if it was a good idea

James: I told you to reach out when needed

Nancy: I don’t want to embarrass myself

James: An amnesty has been declared so that you’ll let me help you, don’t worry

Nancy: I don’t need help though

James: There’s nothing to be ashamed of in asking for any

Nancy: I just want to see you

James: Do you feel you can confide in me why that is? What’s wrong, I mean

Nancy: I missed you

James: Nancy

James: it’s very late to be making a social call

Nancy: I’m sorry

Nancy: I promise I’ll make it worth your while

James: Whatever you’re suggesting, I assure you I’m not looking for, especially this evening, in your current state

Nancy: I’m not gone, I promise

Nancy: I wouldn’t be able to operate the phone to talk to you if I was that bad

James: I’m sorry, for the implication I just made and for any others you’ve read into which have caused you to determine I’m interested in pursuing something besides friendship

Nancy: Are you being serious now?

James: Completely

Nancy: Oh my God

James: I’m obviously at fault here, I didn’t realise that’s what you thought was happening

Nancy: Of course that’s what I thought, you were

Nancy: just, nope, I’m going to puke

James: I’m truly sorry, none of this was my intention

Nancy: This is embarrassing enough, don’t continue to be nice 

James: Please don’t be, I’m the one who should feel that way

Nancy: You’ve just turned me down

James: I would have gentler, had I not been taken aback by your proposition to the point of bluntness, I take full responsibility for my awful handling of this too 

Nancy: What’s the point in that, don’t infantilise me

James: I did want us to be friends and I do therefore care

Nancy: Why don’t you want to, what’s wrong with me, just say, that would actually be helpful

James: There isn’t anything wrong with you

Nancy: No, great, thanks so much

James: I’ve met someone I’m serious about

Nancy: When? You’ve literally been on holiday with your wife 

James: Prior to my holiday, but the details are hardly important, what matters in our context is that she is, to me

Nancy: Jesus

James: It isn’t you, I’d hate for you to believe that

Nancy: Yeah, no, don’t do that

James: I’m telling you the truth

Nancy: A little late, I thought you liked me, this is humiliating

James: I do like you, I don’t wish to be with you romantically, but that doesn’t change any of what I said when we met for coffee, or before

Nancy: Yes it does

James: Not as far as I’m concerned, but I understand if it’s how you feel

Nancy: How I feel is that you feel sorry for me when it should be the other way ‘round

James: You acknowledged the similarities in our lives, I feel that connection to you

Nancy: You can’t just say you feel a connection to me, do you not hear how that sounds

James: I’m sorry, I’m trying to be honest, that’s all

Nancy: So was I

James: I know, I’ve made a huge mess of things

Nancy: Just go away, this is awful, I’m going to kill myself

James: Please don’t say that

Nancy: Don’t tell me what to say, you’re not my boyfriend

James: I can’t go if you persist in talking like this

Nancy: Yes you can, I don’t want to talk

James: I’d have to show up at your door to check on you, which is the last thing either of us want right now

Nancy: It’s the last thing you want, so quit playing the hero, I don’t need saving

James: I’m no hero

Nancy: You want to be

James: I have no desire to see, or leave, you upset

Nancy: Too bad

James: You don’t have to accept my apology or even be civil, but I’m not abandoning you to my mistakes without doing my best to fix them

Nancy: Well I’m just going to stop replying, I have changed my plans for my evening, thanks to you

James: Okay, I can’t insist you respond

Nancy: You can’t

James: No, but perhaps you’ll decide to eventually

Nancy: Now you want me, do you

James: Why do I have to desire to sleep with you or expect nothing?

Nancy: Because that’s all that matters

James: Is it?

Nancy: Yes

Nancy: and anything else you think was going on before is irrelevant because I was just trying to sleep with you

James: Well, what a pity

Nancy: Yeah, it is

Nancy: Goodbye

James: Good night