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#i feel like its an actual movie bc that what the dream told me it was? like we were on the island where they shot the movie
elibeeline · 1 year
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Its 'i woke up too early and fell back asleep and had a crazy dream' day 🙃
#two dreams actually! i was still too tired after the first one#where i had moved into a block of flats? in which i had one of my managers share a kitchen with?#and in the magical world of dream land i had a drive thru window#and i dreamt i was working bc i do that too much and then an angry customer comes up and says something angrily#like he's stood in front of this car at the window and i get scared and turn for my mom (because the family all moved into this flat)#and when i do over to her thjs guy at the dining table (dont know who or why he was there) and he grabs my wrist and presses a knife to it#nothing happens injury wise because apparently im more worried about the guy at the window and i just shrug this guy off#and the dream ends when the guy at the window pulls out a gun and starts shooting but i wake up before anyone can get hurt :)#and the second dream! was about a scarecrow#i feel like its an actual movie bc that what the dream told me it was? like we were on the island where they shot the movie#and the scarecrow was still in the water#so we're on this boat ride (one of those touristy ones with a slide) and im hanging on for dear life bc wtf the scarecrow is in the water#and my stepdad had told me there's this really scary scene where he reveals his like. hollow face behind the mask/hood thing#and one fun detail that didn't end up being important is that he's meant to be scared of carved pumpkins?#like there's a border around the island keeping him in the water#and this is a fun detail because my brain only included it bc in between the dreams i checked my notifications#and someone was looking for a pokemon called a pumpkaboo for the next gym and it stuck in my brain bc idk what that was#so ah yes halloween pumpkins and scarecrows in February. thanks brain#but yeah after the boat ride the island floods and allows the scarecrow to come on land#(which was p smart kudos to u scary brain)#and we're all declared as missing bc idk we werent meant to leave the boat place or something when the flood came#and then brain finds all the action boring and skips straight to both my dad and stepdad bringing us back to the flat to mom#where i assume we probably live happily ever after but idk that flat was creepy and felt very unsafe#i do like that brain thought it was necessary to include it in both dreams rather than. yknow. the house we actually live in.#but if anyone wants to analyse those you're more than welcome too hehe ive always found that interesting
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shakirawastaken · 9 months
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dsmp if... they were spiderman
i love spiderman just like every other bitch out there
dream: - do not be surprised if he comes out one day and claims hes a demigod and superhero and a wizard - cause if its anybody its this guy fr - if he was spiderman he wouldnt have the main and basic color scheme - hed go green like everything - green is the main color like the evermore green and black/white as the accent colors - his string also wouldnt be normal spider string i feel like itd be neon ish like miguels from the movie - he would also avoid telling you that he was spiderman till the very last moment - he would wanna keep you safe the best he can - would nEVER swing by your house - but he keeps an eye out on you when he knows ur out and about walking - but when you eventually figure it out? boy oh boy - cornering you in the street and pushing you into an alleyway - spiderman poses in front of you, hanging from his web - gives you upside down kisses???? sign me tf up - hed also get himself just the right amount involved in the crime he fought - he knows how to balance his life out, and he knows how important it is to be able to balance his life out like that - hot as spiderman  sapnap: - a reckless spiderman - leans vigilante  - out of all of them he would be the one with the suit closest to the spiderman - but im not feeling the blue - marroon and black or some other brighter color - a rash spiderman - fights crime like no business, but kinda makes a mess along the way - its okay bc the people love him - loves loves LOVES arguing with cops - tells you almost immediately after becoming spiderman bc he has to tell someone - breaks every canon event - trash talks every criminal out there - but is nice to every citizen he sees - likes webshooting your wrist to the counter or something so you cant leave or go out or smth - forces you to spend time with him :) - likes to keep out of interacting with people as spiderman  - but will use it as argument bait in day to day life - makes a hammock out of webs and lays there between two buildings - overall 7/10 spiderman
george: - is barely spiderman but when he is hes darn good at it - he leaves a lot of the petty crime to the cops - only goes out for the big stuff - dark navy blue suit with black accents - stays in the shadows/on top of buildings - doesnt interact with anyone if he can help it - the more secretive he can keep the better - he told you a fair amount of time after he went out as everyones crime fighting superhero - but he doesnt like to talk about being spiderman  - and youre fine with that, as long as he stays safe - he swings to your window every night after hes done being spiderman - hed rather be with you than someone else after the hard night hes probably had - has a habit opening your window without knowing and jumpscaring you accidentally LMFAO
karl: - oh he LOVES BEING SPIDERMAN - hes the spiderman to be on every cereal box and phone cover and talk show - loves taking pictures especially with little children in their own spiderman costumes - after he captures and ties up every criminal he leaves a little goofy aah note for the cops to laugh at - unlike sapnap he has a great rep w the cops  - he told you after he “test” ran it - actually he just showed up with the mask on and you were like “SPIDERMAN OMG LET ME CAL MY BF” - and then spidermans phone was ringing and you were like - “what” - “im spiderman!” - “WHAT” - his suits like - i feel like it changes color in the sun - its one of those suits - and hes the only one out of all to have an assistant ai thing in his suit to lead him through crime - he might be a more light hearted spiderman but he still deals with the same dangerous crime
quackity: - this guy loves to swing - he will put his headphones on and jump off the nearest building - mona lisa by dominic fike - soars to the ground and then swings up at the last moment - swings to the beat of the music to relax - he has the normal suit i think - but he has his hair comin out of the suit like pavitr  - loves to take you swinging - even if you may find it terrifying - he likes the feeling of sharing with you his favorite activity - fights crime like no ones business - he told you like a few months after being spiderman - he just jumped down from the ceiling  - “? what” - “spiderman!” - “...what” - yeah  - idk all i can think of is that quackity likes to swing around the city just for the heck of it - “WOAH ITS SPIDERMAN” “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” 
wilbur: - has a black suit like miles - tommy is his guy in the chair LMFAO - in his ear like “SWING LEFT I MEAN RIGHT I MEAN LEFT” - mutes tommy half the time - leaves you little messages in web on the walls of the house - “love you!” but its in spider web - actively holds a conversation with the people hes fighting - “so hows your day?” *PUNCH* “hows ur kid doing?” *OBLITERATES* - uses physics and shit to his advantage cause hes not that built - another one whos hot as spiderman - never EVER brings you out as spiderman - EVER - will bring tommy tho - cause tommy annoys him into doing - “BIG UPS WILBUR!!” “SHH TOMMY” - is spidermans biggest fan even though hes spiderman - “they will never suspect spidermans biggest fan as spiderman!” - smart ngl 
guys all i can think about is spiderman its a dilemma an issue a problem  sorry for the short headcanons i had to get my thoughts out of the way!
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raainberry · 4 months
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Rewind You
« To rewind is to make something go back to the beginning or to an earlier point. »
Sana x gn!reader
Angst
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synopsis - your ex’s concert is the last place you should be at after breaking up, yet here you are
⚠️this (very) short story is told backwards, so from end to the start. i wrote it so you can read it normally and from the end. both ways will make sense, but the chronology in which it’s told will change.
wordcount - 581
T/W - Food (One mention)
A/N - two crazy discoveries led to this: new sana pics and melanie martinez’s unreleased song You Love I from which the concept is inspired. enjoy! or not bc i actually dont know if this is good its too late for me to worry about that🥰
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Everything was better with her…
You’d ask yourself how you ended up here, but you knew the answer already.
You felt lost, overwhelmed as a pain you couldn’t seem to let go of persisted deep within your chest, looking around in search for a distraction.
How deluding…
The music was loud, but the tune was off. The lights were bright, but they lacked color. The people around you were happy, dancing and singing along to whatever song came out of those powerful speakers, but it wasn’t infectious.
Your eyes followed the spotlight as it highlighted the artist you hadn’t seen in months. All you could feel when you laid eyes on her was jealousy.
Something you loved and cherished, a place and a person, they’d been ripped away from you the moment you’d parted ways. Yet there she was, still enjoying it all as everyone’s focus and passionate admiration landed solely onto her for the next two minutes.
Minatozaki Sana.
You should have gone to a nightclub... It was the most popular, if not customary short-term remedy to a breakup. Why on Earth were you at a concert instead—her concert out of all?
Needless to say, your split was a fall from grace. Heartbreaking, as you’d expect from a relationship that lasted this long. You’d never broken up with anyone, but you’d seen it in the movies. You knew it would hurt no matter how long you’d seen it coming. You even bought the ice cream in advance, which you unsurprisingly downed in days while living in your memories.
Years. Months. Days. Hours. Every minute you spent together, you made sure to love each other, feeling your hearts swelling at every gesture. A kiss, a touch, or even a simple look was enough to send you to cloud nine. High enough to only see each other.
You’re not sure when everything and everyone else faded out, what mattered was her. You truly liked her. So did she. Perhaps from the moment you’d met. But it took a while to realise just how much you cared about the other.
A first date only came after her clumsy confession one drunken summer night on your balcony. You thought it had been a dream when you woke up the next day. It felt like it at least, when you laid eyes on her and saw her clinging to your shirt in her sleep. Even unconscious, she seemed to be aware of your presence. To want it.
Her conscience never let a second go by without a thought of you either. She made it her mission to satisfy this mindful desire of hers. Texting you at all hours, calling you just to hear the sound of your voice, asking if you could meet her in between two schedules like you would even think about saying no to her.
She was all you could think about. Her smile, her eyes, her laugh, down to her scent. It remained in a corner of your mind, recalling each of them in the late hours of the night as you struggled to fall asleep. The feeling was enchanting, to the point you wondered if she was real. If you’d really met her and she was not someone you’d made up in your dreams to make it all easier.
Life wasn’t that much of a party until you crossed paths with her. While she described her ‘before’ as chaotic, you liked to see yours as the opposite. Just plain boring.
Nothing seemed as colorful, vibrant, or lush without her.
Everything was better with her.
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htsan · 3 months
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I would explain my experience with it, but I kinda suck at putting my feelings into words. So I shall send you this ask instead, listing songs that reminds me of IJAG.
•Everything Goes On - Porter Robinson
Don't try to make yourself remember, darling Don't look for me, I'm just a story you've been told So let's pretend a little longer 'Cause when we're gone Everything goes on
I can imagine Sans saying this to us, and it just makes me tear up every time I hear this song now.
•Dreams part 2 - Lost Sky
I can almost feel you Wa-, wa- walking in the distance But I know that is not reality If you are echoing around Inside these parallel dimensions all along Know I'll find you in my dreams
We delulu fr, a song that a lot of us would definitely relate to.
•Vision part 2 - Lost Sky
Do what you gotta do, what you gotta do to be you again Do what you gotta do, what you gotta do to put your heart to rest I'll keep waiting as long as it takes Do what you gotta do, what you gotta do to be you, you, you again
Another song from Lost Sky, but this time the POVs are switched.
•Connect - ClariS
I will not forget the promise I made with you I swear that I'll always keep it with me I close my eyes and the memory Clears the darkness clouding my way
An opening song from Madoka Magica. The English lyrics are from Amalee's English cover. This was the second song that came to mind when I was looking through my music library.
There were some other songs that I thought of, but ultimately decided that it might not fit. Like the first song that came to my mind was Da Capo from Honkai Impact. But yeah, these are the songs that reminded me of IJAG. I might come back if I find more.
Oh waw, I did not expect you to actually talk about it..
Which is one hundo percent valid if you didn't or do, but thanks for answering by asking anyways!
Thanks for the song reccomendations.
I love madoka magica, also its so funny that Homura (dub) voice actor is the same from Marinette Dupain Cheng from Ladybug, I cannot unhear it when she speaks, but when she is serious I kind of forgot about it.
I also love Madoka Magica Rebellion (movie). If you like Madoka Magica plus Sansnomaly concept you might like the movie.
Like.. its so damn gay I love it so much. The main character (SPOILERS) watch the movie apparently it's on youtube, bc netflix removed the movie 😟 if any of you havent watched the anime uhhh.. try to find it online..
youtube
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This character literally rewrote the universe, made themselves an enemy to EVERYONE. Just to make their fav person come onto their existence, because they missed them so much.
Honestly same.
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also these lines are raw as hell:
"this city is fake, an idealised world someone dreamt of."
"someone dragged us into the dream world, a coward."
"is the person who wished for a life like that (dream world) so evil? that she deserves to die?
"i had a dream and it scared me. In my dream you went someplace faraway, and it was so far i wasnt able to see you again. And everyone forgot about you."
"i know theres a chance you might be an illusion, or a fake version of you someone created. How else could we see each other again like this?"
"i had a horribe dream about you last night. You were dead. But it wasn't a dream, it was real, was it? This right here, us fighting side by side - this is the dream"
"I'm sorry. I just wanted you back with me. I didn't care on what I had to do. I commit the worst things, even if it turned me into a monster. It wouldn't matter as long as I could have you back."
"that's not a curse - what is that? Obsession? Desire?"
"I don't expect you to understand. Or anyone for that matter. This emotion is mine and mine alone. And I've been saving it for her."
"Do you treasure the world you live in? Or would you break its laws to follow your heart?"
"I see, well then, I suppose one day you will also be my enemy (the character who says this line, rewrote the entire universe just so they could see their friend again). It's fine. I don't care. I'll keep wishing for a world where you can be happy."
Bro this is literally so.. ohhggg
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straykats · 11 months
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15 questions !!
tagged by @sulfurcosmos as always <3
ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? not that i'm aware of..?
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? yesterday; was not feeling well so i couldnt do my assignments, which would have been fine if i'd been able to sleep instead but i couldn't so idk ig i got really frustrated 💀💀
DO YOU HAVE KIDS? no and (this isn't the question but) at this point in life, i kinda really dont want to in the future either
DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? when talking in person, yes, but online only to a handful of people (or in public posts, yes LOL but like not in private/direct convos online? if that makes sense)
WHAT’S THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? their eyes and or smile, i think? or alternatively, their lack of smiling.
WHAT’S YOUR EYE COLOR? dark brown/black
SCARY MOVIES OR GOOD ENDINGS? im really bad at this or that questions bc half the time it depends on the mood? i do love a scary movie but good endings are.. well, good. but also when i choose a movie i don't really decide 'oh i want to watch this bc it has a good ending' (on the assumptoin that good = happy ending here).
ANY SPECIAL TALENTS? ...no? in the past i used to be able to make a un out of almost anything and everything but uh in the present day.. nothing 'special' ig. i mean if i dedicate the time to it, i can make clothes but thats a very selective talent LOL
WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES? wriitng, reading (hopefully i'll actually get to do this instead of saying i do this), sewing, playing piano, listening to music???? oh and people watching !! .. in a non-creepy way
DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? we have a koi/fish pond and canaries at my house, but i don't really consider them my pets? its kinda the father's hobby ig
WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY / HAVE YOU PLAYED? i don't do any rn 💀 but outside of mandatory participation (ie in classes) i've enjoyed swimming and soccer, though that wasn't competitive (like soccer was competitive but like. the way kids playing at lunch on the school oval is). i used to do tae kwon do and badminton as well.
HOW TALL ARE YOU? 167cm 'on a good day', as they say, or else 164cm LOL
FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? music and lit, but also partially bc i enjoyed the social atmosphere in those classes? i also enjoyed learning chem and bio.
DREAM JOB? i mean, given that i swapped courses, it'd feel wrong to not say 'author' lol but also like. even just editting? one thing i do really wanna do though is go to retirement homes and share the stories of the older adults - be that their life, or just a story they want to write but might be unable to? i mean, the best outcome/goal would be to enable or facilitate them writing it themselves, but i do want to write for people as well. especially within this specific context, i think having that social aspect is super important. (side note i just remembered a story one of the residents told me when i was on prac in '21 year and now im sad lol i hope she's well)
tagging tagging tagging @chogiwow @decembermoonskz @neo-shitty (again, no pressure !!) + anyone who read this tagging section hehe
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chytilovian-daisy · 1 year
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so for some unholy reason i was with? a ex-friend from childhood? like i dont know if we were the last age we saw each other or what but anyway its like worst nightmare of emotional abuse these so idk WHY. anyway ig we ran at cat cafe together or were starting one. the guys from DEG come in. im trying not to freak out bc wow its deg!!! someone else waits on them and something about lanterns because we were doing halloween themed stuff.
ANYWAY. me and ex friend get into a fight. I apologize to the ppl in deg for fighting in front of them, tell them im a fan, leave. im in my old city at night but there are people around so im feeling better. Somehow it turns into day as im walking and im seeing ANOTHER childhood friend and im like “: D“ but i feel awkward going up to them bc ik they realized they were trans and I dont wanna deadname them but idr their current name. Anyway, their dog keeps coming up to me but ig they dont recognize me. I do recognize more people from childhood with this friend including this girl who kept wanting me to scream my lungs out on the playground as a kid.
Anyway, I keep going I realize. shit. im lost. I see someone else I knew but atm i cant remember who, but also from childhood. He says “Wrong turn too?“ I laugh and I nod. We head back to another street and down that street-- which I recognize actually, theres some weird gang wars going on but everyone has pink hair. I don’t know what to do, so I try and avoid it by going up another street. I remember some weird audio above me as im walking but idr WHAT. Someone talking something weird.
Because I get close to the gang stuff again somehow, I duck into some small alleyway but its like. only 2 sheds and barely any space. I emerge from a shed seconds later but also so do suit actors and I narrowly escape some weird gang shootout thing. I’m heading home and idk HOW, this part is fuzzy, but I end up getting completely lost and somehow accidentally stealing a mans life.
The guy whos life i stole was some star rich athelete. idk WHY they thought I was him or some shit, but anyway his girlfriend and whole family were assuming I was him and I was like “ok ig i live here now“. except I still just wanted to go home to my family. So long story short I do some weird sneaky shit around this giant college campus but its also a house, listen in, think about what movies im gonna watch when i get home. I keep being told by some gps thing my house is only 5 streets away.
I find out somehow I am in what SHOULD be Greenland, but its a tropical rainforest with crocs and shit. I steal one of the familys jetskis and try and go back to the states on it, or at least in my hopes, reach Canada and walk back??? But instead I crash into some party ship. My family is there! Somehow the college campus-mansion-boat collide and now its 1 big thing.
So im telling them I switched lives with this guy and theyre like “oh, we know. We have him here btw. we have ransom lets go.“ And I find out the ransom isnt the guy, he’s free to go, but his pokemon card screenshot collection??? So my mom goes to talk to the mom and shes like, “they said 1k but i want at least 10k.“ And it becomes this whole meeting between the families and the guy who I switched lives with comes in, in swim gear and a sign around his neck and im being a real dick and asking him how cafeteria food tastes and hes sobbing. And then I wake up.
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baekhvuns · 2 years
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Damn I forgot to reply, I came back from a party and everything hurts. How are you?
I saw you only watched Bridget Jones now?! I used to love it even read the book, the movie has three parts actually. The last one came out in 2016 and it was...hm it wasn't good, but better than expected. But yeah some shit didn't age well. The fact it was pretty much inspired by Pride and Prejudice and Colin Firth literally played Darcy in one of the adaptations just to play Mark DARCY in BJ was a genius move, lololol
Jonghwa belly dancers when?! I mean Jongho's body ody dance was something else. Seonghwa will 100% embarrass himself but in a hot way.
If Taeyong releases a sexy sultry sensual album I'm buying all the 84738 versions SM will probably come up with, just saying
Didn't get any pc dupes, because they're all different versions 😭 I'm really not sure what to do with Joshua's photocards because do I need all of them??? They're not the same, but similar, maybe I could leave the ones I like the most and sell/trade the others? Idk yet. Okay but what the fuck is JYPE doing with Itzy, apparently you can only buy members albums for their upcoming comeback, no regular version?!
I don't know I don't think I ever drank a lot of water? I was brought up drinking tea and juice and fizzy drinks 😬 not very healthy I know, but like I said I also rarely feel thirsty so I genuinely forget about hydration
I wish I knew what was up with my dream image of Hwa, but something's definitely wrong. I had nice dreams about him too, but... delulu </3 pls I hope you dream about him soon, so you can share it with the rest of the class. Shit went down in that bank as well, but idk what happened. Jongho said "a banker during the day, a belly dancer at night" duality man!
Omg, so I think I told you about the game called The Arcana there's a character called Lucio, he's literally the devil and a goat and a capricorn, no wonder I'm in love with this bitch... I'm in love with myself? Shit that San Bridgerton AU, I don't really read for him but for you I MIGHT 👀
Excuseeee me, send that teacher assistant thing my way. I'm a master of putting things into people's head it seems 😈
Someone in my GC Seonghwa's taste in shoes is questionable, he and Taeyong should be friends then.
Uhm so who's choking who in the villain Y/N fic?!
I'm sorry but what the fuck does Seonghwa's shirt even mean. Also Wave Hwa was the Hwa I met at a fan sign, I cannot believe, I'm sorry I'm going through it 💔💔💔 it's HIM
I do be yelling while playing games or watching football, but I will NOT tolerate some guys yelling, sorry! We can yell together but when I'm working or resting the mouths need to be shut. I love coats so I would steal Jongho's for sure. Wooyoung is like my younger brother I never had nor wanted 😅 nooooo lovers please. If I had dreams about Seonghwa and then had to face him in the morning 🥴 I'm sure that wouldn't happen because I rarely dream of my friends like that, but what if... awkward - DV 💖
hi hello!!!
Damn I forgot to reply, I came back from a party and everything hurts. How are you?
omg hello don’t worry abt it!! reply when u can!! OHOHOHO DV ANON YN ERA EVERYTHING HURTS HUH 👁👄👁 I WONDER WHY MAYBE ITS THE LACK OF WATER FBWNBDWK i an extremely good bestie writing mr bodyguard atm <3 terrible but i keep getting swayed by the series 😭😭 pls also eat medicine 😭😭
I saw you only watched Bridget Jones now?! I used to love it even read the book, the movie has three parts actually. The last one came out in 2016 and it was...hm it wasn't good, but better than expected. But yeah some shit didn't age well. The fact it was pretty much inspired by Pride and Prejudice and Colin Firth literally played Darcy in one of the adaptations just to play Mark DARCY in BJ was a genius move, lololol
BESTIE I DIDNT EVEN KNOW IT EXISTED FBDB 😭😭 yeah…im def not watching the 2016 one bc the jokes in it must be 😭🔫 NFBWNDSM HE ISNT LEAVING THE ETL TROPE BEHIND AT ALL 😭😭 no bc pride and prejudice was so good, started my etl era forever ☺️☺️ omg what are ur top 5 favourite romcoms ever!
Jonghwa belly dancers when?! I mean Jongho's body ody dance was something else. Seonghwa will 100% embarrass himself but in a hot way.
YEAH JONGHO HABIBI ERA WHEN 😭😭😭 seonghwa would do the dance and then hide his face in his hands and immediately sub mode on JFBQKDJWL
If Taeyong releases a sexy sultry sensual album I'm buying all the 84738 versions SM will probably come up with, just saying
IM RIGHT BEHIND U ME TOO IDC IDC HIS SOLO ALBUM ABT TO BE AMAZING IF HE FEATURES OTHER ARTISTS TOO ID LITERALLY PASS AWAY his theme would be so interesting and similar to taemin’s lore god when is our turn 😩😩🤲🏼
Didn't get any pc dupes, because they're all different versions 😭 I'm really not sure what to do with Joshua's photocards because do I need all of them??? They're not the same, but similar, maybe I could leave the ones I like the most and sell/trade the others? Idk yet. Okay but what the fuck is JYPE doing with Itzy, apparently you can only buy members albums for their upcoming comeback, no regular version?!
OHHHHHHH IM JUST DUMB SORRY I DIDNT GET THATD HEHDS yeah!! keep the expensive looking ones jvbwmd investment ✨✨ NO BUT THE REAL QUESTION IS HOW MANY HIGHLIGHTERS DID U GET 🔫 WAIT WHAT??? ARE U FR?? 😭😭😭 JYPE GOING DOWN HILL 😭😭😭 hate it when companies do this bc in the member version there’s like 2-4 pictures of the group altogether but it’s better to get the regular ones bc u get all of them combined??? JYP??? 😭😭😭
I don't know I don't think I ever drank a lot of water? I was brought up drinking tea and juice and fizzy drinks 😬 not very healthy I know, but like I said I also rarely feel thirsty so I genuinely forget about hydration
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“GREW UP ON TEA” that’s very bri’ish of you mate 🔫
I wish I knew what was up with my dream image of Hwa, but something's definitely wrong. I had nice dreams about him too, but... delulu </3 pls I hope you dream about him soon, so you can share it with the rest of the class. Shit went down in that bank as well, but idk what happened. Jongho said "a banker during the day, a belly dancer at night" duality man!
LMFAOOOO NO IT IS BC WHYS HE CRYING OR SULKING 😭😭 WHAT DID U DO TO HIM IN THE DREAMS POOR BOY no bc. last night. im literally so mental abt it. but last night i saw one. o n e. photo of mr zayn and i had a FULL BLOWN DREAM, THE PERFECT PACE. LIKE IT WOULD LET ME REWIND IT WAS CRAZY I WAS ABT TO GET MARRIED WE HAD OUTFITS CHOSEN IT WAS CRAZY I RMR EVERYTHING and yet the man named seonghwa who i pray to never ever comes 🔫 😭😭😭 LMFAOOOO STOP IT EHWNHFKW JONGHO STRIPPER AU WHEN 😭😭😭
Omg, so I think I told you about the game called The Arcana there's a character called Lucio, he's literally the devil and a goat and a capricorn, no wonder I'm in love with this bitch... I'm in love with myself? Shit that San Bridgerton AU, I don't really read for him but for you I MIGHT 👀
YES YES U DID !!! LMFAOOOO THATS THE MOST CAPRICORN THING YOUVE SAID “im in love with myself” JFBQKDB AS U SHOULD LOVE URSELF but ask bts first,,, THE HONOUR THE HONOUR FOR U TO READ A SAN FIC WRITTEN BY ME YEAH BRIDGERTON LORD CHOI / VISCOUNT CHOI ON HIS WAY TO MAKE ME HIS BANE OF EXISTENCE FBWBDJ
also what is this choi san. pls also imagine this as the yn in the villain fic but a diff scenario <33
Excuseeee me, send that teacher assistant thing my way. I'm a master of putting things into people's head it seems 😈
I DONT WANNA TALK ABOUT IT BC WHENEVER THAT TEACHER ASSISTANT GETS MENTIONED I THINK ABT WAVE HWA HAIR AND HES LITERALLYTHE EMBODIMENT OF A DILF 😭😭😭😭😭😭
Someone in my GC Seonghwa's taste in shoes is questionable, he and Taeyong should be friends then.
AYO AYO AS MUCH AS I WOULD WANT THAT I KNOW THE COLLAB WOULD END EVERYTHING IN ME, MY LIFE MY PURPOSE TO EXIST WOULD BE OVER !!!! OVER !!!!!
Uhm so who's choking who in the villain Y/N fic?!
take a very wild guess bestie <3 JCBWKDH 😶😶😶 i 100% volunteer seonghwa but our yn is gonna be so normal about it “do it harder, i can still breathe very well” BRWKHDKW
I'm sorry but what the fuck does Seonghwa's shirt even mean. Also Wave Hwa was the Hwa I met at a fan sign, I cannot believe, I'm sorry I'm going through it 💔💔💔 it's HIM
WHALE HYMN 😭😭😭 SEONGHWA WHALE ERA 😭😭😭🤚🏼 y-you what. you met the ultimate dilf hair on hwa. h-ha HRJQHH DMAGDKWHDKWHDKW WHAT DID HE SAY DOCUMENT EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW TBWMBDMS IM YELLING THAT BLOND HWA IS LITERALLY THE DILF
I do be yelling while playing games or watching football, but I will NOT tolerate some guys yelling, sorry! We can yell together but when I'm working or resting the mouths need to be shut. I love coats so I would steal Jongho's for sure. Wooyoung is like my younger brother I never had nor wanted 😅 nooooo lovers please. If I had dreams about Seonghwa and then had to face him in the morning 🥴 I'm sure that wouldn't happen because I rarely dream of my friends like that, but what if... awkward - DV 💖
NO FR SOME GUYS GO CRAZY i just know ateez does too, afterall, men. hongjoong vibrating like a nokia 😭😭😭😔 JONGHO DEF HAS SOME EXPENSIVE ASS COATS would 100% rob his louis vuitton bag 🔫 LMFAOOOO FBWMHDKWBDKW WOOYOUNG AS UR YOUNGER BROTHER I CAN JUST IMAGINE THE BANTER AND THE DYNAMIC YOUD HAVE maybe u will like a fic where woo is ur younger brother and ur in love with his best friend choi san <3 but he’s ur boss now <3 but u used to tease him as kids <3 now he does the same <3 but ☺️ DBWKBDWK YEAH WHAT IF ESP AFTER THOSE ASMR VIDEOS U WOULD WATCH 🔫🔫😭😭😭😭
consulting u on the matter of the series mood board colour, would u prefer black and white or dark red almost maroon-ish gold
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dream 6/8
in my first dream last night i encountered two separate guys. the first guy was wearing the leather jacket i gave to Niko, and i asked him if i could have it back. apparently she gave it to him. but he was super cool about it and totally gave it back and also thought it was fucked up she would give it away if it was a gift. then the same thing happened with a different guy and a flannel, which i never actually gave Niko in real life. needless to say i was pretty hurt shed give them away though. then i end up going to her apartment because in the dream she has room mates that im friends with, and theres like somehow a back porch off the apartment. im standing outside w my friends and theres like a window you can see into the apartment and i see their bedroom door open. i duck down because i do not want them to see me, but she does anyway and comes outside. i confront her about giving away my things and she starts denying it, saying that she was only letting them borrow them, but that is not what the guys told me. i feel hurt and like i am being lied to. for some reason im now in my boxers but i take off and start running away, the apartment is now a house instead. so im running through the streets in my boxers and its night time, and for some reason my mom is running after me trying to catch me. im frustrated in the dream because i know shes not supposed to be able to breathe well enough to keep up with me but she is keeping up just fine. she eventually stops chasing me but now there are cops everywhere searching for me. i hide in a bush in someones yard and a cop looks directly at me and i think he sees me, but he keeps walking. at some point i go back to the apartment which is now an apartment again and climb up the balcony and knock on Nikos window. they reject to open the window to talk to me and i end up jumping off the balcony and dying, how dramatic of me. next dream im hanging with my friend max and he has like 7 different pints of ice cream flavors and is serving them to me and CJ and Kavita, were just chilling eating ice cream. Then Cris walks up the stairs with another guy, (for some reason we are standing in my kitchen) and starts talking about this party they're going to. they convince max and CJ to come to the party and max hurries off to start getting ready. i follow max around for a minute saying that i am sad, but he doesnt hear me. so i said again louder "Hey max." and then he responded. so i told him i was sad that they were all getting ready to go to a party that I wasn't invited to. and then he told me "You're just like an extra friend. We all know you only come to things for the food." which i did not understand and made me more sad. then he finished getting ready and they all left for the party without me. there was another dream about a really terrible live bobs burgers movie and someone sent me some sort of invitation to an acting camp sort of thing.
it seems i keep dreaming 1. about my ex, which i think is reasonable bc they're on my mind most of my waking hours so it only makes sense and 2. my friends not actually liking me. i guess it seems fair this would be at the fore front of my thoughts because im currently trying to do a lot of work on my self worth and trying to convince myself they DO like me and want to be my friends, my subconscious really seems to want to battle me on this one. let me like and be confident in myself, god damn it. darn little pea brain. hopefully both of these things get easier, but in the mean time itll be interesting to see how it progresses through my dreams.
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starbuckie · 3 years
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𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠
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pairing(s): college!peter parker x reader, dark!steve rogers x reader, dark!sam wilson x reader, dark!bucky barnes x reader
words: 8.1k words
warnings: DARK!FIC, SMUT 18+ (unprotected sex, foursome turned fivesome, gangbang, non-con/dub-con, daddy kink, oral M and F-receiving, spit kink, degredation kink, praise kink, creampie), age-gap (reader is in her early 20s), cheating, angst, there’s like zero fluff
summary: peter should’ve made it back to the tower for date night on time, or maybe just before he found his girlfriend being fucked by three other superheroes.
a/n: eee my first dark fic! im so so happy with the way this turned out, and even though it was a pain in my ass for nearly three months, im so hapy to share it with y’all. this idea was brought up by an anon from @mypoisonedvine’s saturday sleepover a few months back, but i switched up tony and sam bc i didn’t like the tony and peter stuff. hopefully my smut has improved from the first time i wrote it in january, and just a reminder that in no way, shape, or form do i condone rape of any kind. there’s a large difference from the page and the real world. i try to put all tw’s in the tags and warnings, but if there was something i missed please tell me. thank you to my lovely bestie @mermaidxatxheart for beta-reading(i have no fucking clue what i’d do without your help). feel free to leave a comment or two and reblog, but don’t repost anywhere or i will hunt down your ass. thank you again and please please enjoy <3
main masterlist || mcu masterlist || sebastian stan characters masterlist
Bucky wasn’t planning to fuck Y/N as soon as he saw her.
It started with a faint mention, something Tony had thrown around along the lines of, “Parker’s bringing his girl down here tomorrow, don’t be an asshole”. He didn’t give a damn what Tony said or how he acted around Peter’s girl. Years of being thrown between gruesome mind-wiping and being half-dead, asleep in a freezer would do that to a man.
So the next day when Peter brought his girlfriend in, he was scratching his ass like a fucking ape and downing a beer with a messy bun at the nape of his neck, until he actually saw her. Neat hair, even neater laces with a sweet smile but a body that could kill. Didn’t matter that she was bundled under Parker’s hoodie and a pair of jeans- he could always admire a pretty dame, but Bucky could see that she was beyond that. It was as if God had intentionally made the one being, the one ethereal creature beautiful and angelic enough to be a sin away from him, so that he couldn’t touch her. Because she was young, and in her twenties, and that shouldn’t have even been the first two things that popped up in his mind because she was also Peter’s girlfriend.
But then she had the audacity to stick her hand out, a shy grin and twinkle in her eyes as she gave her name. It sounded so pretty rolling off of her tongue, and he wondered what it would sound like while he groaned it into her cunt.
Y/N. 
So, yeah, maybe Bucky wasn’t planning to fuck her as soon as he met her, but it was pretty damn close after.
-
Steve Rogers was one of very few men who said they had the pleasure of banging nearly every woman on the north side of Manhattan. Bucky indulged in the fact that the man who had once been too shy to do so much as meet a gal’s gaze was now “a dollar whore”, but he was more than happy to keep that title if it meant he could continue to get off in the nearest woman’s mouth everyday. 
Every time he walked down the streets of New York with just a simple ball cap and jeans, he could feel stares on his back from what seemed like miles away, girls on every street corner just waiting for him to take her into the nearest public bathroom and fuck them dirty. CEOs, baristas, girls fresh out of getting master’s degrees with stars in their eyes and big dreams, until he shattered them by making them gag on his cock and scream his name into bedsheets. Or tile floors. He didn’t care as long as they were screaming. The girls of this century were just too delectable to turn down. He didn’t discriminate. His dick had been in women of every height, stature, hair color, and he had quite the variety throwing themselves at him as well.
And then Tony ruined it all and sat him down with a simple explanation that the image of Captain America was being tainted with disturbing stories of girls being fucked in the ass and thrown on their knees in dirty bathroom stalls. The blond was beyond pissed when the billionaire told him to stop dicking around, but he couldn’t do anything else if he wanted to keep his title and job. In a new century, even if he’d had a few years to adjust, he was still absolutely oblivious when it came to anything outside of aliens and sex. There was nothing left for him outside of being an Avenger, so reluctantly he agreed to keep his number of conquests to a minimum, and most definitely inside of the tower rather than out on the street.
However, inside of the tower seemed to be no problem at all when Peter brought his girlfriend over, all smiles and straight A’s, and that’s when Steve realized that he’d yet to fuck a bright, little college student. He could see himself stripping her from the innocence in her eyes, loosening up her pussy with his thick cock against the wall in his room.
Surely Tony couldn’t reprimand him for spending a little time trying to bond with Peter’s new girl, right?
-
Sam Wilson was a simple man. He had a job, a well-paid one at that, somewhere to live, a girlfriend, or a woman to keep him company, that’s for sure- but for once in his life he was seeking out something other than missions, something that would keep him busy when he was feeling bored, something like-
Pleasure, and he knew that he’d finally found what he was looking for the moment Peter brought his girlfriend through the elevator doors on the fifty-sixth level of the Avengers tower. She’d shaken his hand so daintily and spoke so politely that if he were to see her without any backstory, he’d think she was another innocent, dim-witted college student, breaking her bank account every Saturday morning and naively believing that her relationship would last longer than a few months. But by the things Parker had told him, she was much more than that.
Was it shitty of Peter to tell his teammates, the people he worked with, how Y/N was in bed? By the majority’s vote, probably, and by Sam’s strict conduct of his own morals, definitely, but when Peter’s girl looked like that and he was so incredibly bored with his routine? 
Well, fuck, Sam had never been happier that the Spider-kid had told everyone how his girl gave head.
Peter brought his girlfriend in daily after that, and every one of her visits, she grew less shy and more friendly, and the Falcon saw each of his friends gape at her growing comfortability with a wolfish demeanor. It started with the water incident with Steve in the kitchen, where he so clearly spilled water on her already thin, white camisole with intention. Sam couldn’t say he was upset though, after all Steve had offered him and the rest of the Avengers quite a show when he tried to clean up her shirt, taking his sweet, sweet time to fondle her tits as subtly as he could, his eyes staring at her pebbled nipples poking through the material. He could see Bucky hiding his boner under his cereal bowl on the couch that day. 
Then of course, he’d been no better than America’s sweetheart himself when he greeted Y/N with a hug that in hindsight, was a little too enthusiastic. His large hands squeezed into the pockets of her back pocket, and if the college student found anything weird with it, she didn’t say so, but Sam graciously palmed the round globes of her ass in his hands, feeling the muscle clench under his fingers. Oh, how he’d never hugged someone that tight ever before in his life. Maybe he would’ve gotten a bit further than squeezing her ass had it not been for his own girlfriend standing behind him, ready to introduce herself to Y/N.
Bucky, well, Sam could admit that Bucky had the most guts out of all of them. Though the super-soldier was normally well-reserved and polite, the dark glint in his eyes the day he met Y/N let him in on the secret that he had a much dirtier mind than most thought. It had been movie night that time, and he barely even tried to cover up how much he wanted the girl, his hands resting all over her as they watched Inception. Hardly a movie to get so riled up over, yet Bucky’s hand still inched its way up her thigh, his rough fingers gently carressing the flesh until they started to lightly trace the apex of her thighs. 
If she noticed anything then, she didn’t comment on it, doe-like eyes just marvelling at the screen in great intrigue. It was only when Peter’s arms wrapped around her a bit tighter did she scooch away from Bucky’s touch, with a small apology and shy grin. 
That only made his dick harder.
On the other side of Bucky, his super-soldier counterpart tapped his knee gently, forcing their blue eyes to meet each other. No words had to be said between the two, three men when they looked over to Sam, because they all recognized that look they saw in each other's eyes; predatory, dark, nearly voracious in the way they all wanted to be balls deep inside of Y/N.
And they would get there. No matter how long it took, they knew that the ultimate prize of tearing their prey apart would be more than worth the wait.
-
“Hey, babe, I’m gonna be a little late. Ned and I got stuck back in the lab, so we’re gonna need to stay until eight or nine. Can you make it to the tower by yourself alright?”
Peter’s concerned voice made Y/N smile gently as she trudged along the rainy streets of New York. He always loved to worry about her, especially when it was dark and gloomy out, but she could handle herself pretty okay. By pretty okay, of course meant she could kick ass like no other twenty-something year-old, but she wasn’t one to brag. Y/N readjusted the Kate Spade purse on her shoulder with her right hand, attempting to keep her umbrella over her head with the other. “I’ll be fine, Pete, just go finish up and get back to me. I’m gonna be waiting in your room at the tower before you go off on that mission this weekend.”
A small sigh came through the speaker, “Okay, I’ll try to get back to you soon. I love you, Y/N.”
“I love you too, Pete.” 
“Oh,” she could hear the shy but no less mischievous smile that was taking over his face, “I left you a little present on the bed, make sure you open it before I get back.”
Y/N’s face heated at the implication. “Peter Parker, you dirty little-” He ended the call with a laugh, and she huffed out a small chuckle at his childish antics.
The walk to the Avengers tower would have been nice, had it not been for the downfall of rain, making everything mushy, socks being absolutely soaked through her sneakers by the time she arrived. The receptionist at the front desk, Jenny, if Y/N remembered correctly, stared at her a little oddly, probably not expecting to see the young college girl in such a state of disorder, but it didn’t affect her at all. She confidently strutted up to the elevator, pressing in the floor number where all the rooms were located. Y/N scrolled through her Twitter feed on her phone while classic rock blared through the elevator with the constant shuffling of people moving in and out. Seven minutes and thirty-two seconds later she was sprinting down the halls with soggy shoes and damp hair, her cold body screaming for warmth.
Peter’s room was the farthest down the hall, and the room was fairly empty. He rarely stayed at his room in the tower, preferring to stay with his Aunt May or keep Y/N company in Brooklyn. When she entered the room, she saw a plain white shirt and a pair of socks strewn upon the carpeted floor, but what really caught her eye was the red box wrapped in a pink bow on the bed. Deciding it would add more suspense if she opened it later, she quickly hopped in the shower, letting the hot water warm her freezing, rigid muscles under the spray. 
Peter didn’t have all the products she’d usually use before she knew they were going to have sex, so she had to make do with the half-used bar of Irish Spring and his small travel-sized bottles of shampoo and conditioner, promising the fresh, breezy smell of citrus and mint. It was a quick process; two squeezes of shampoo, shaving with the green soap as best as she could without cutting herself, one squeeze of conditioner. A fuzzy towel sat waiting for Y/N on the rack, with the Spiderman symbol as a prank gift from her to her lovely boyfriend, and without a second to let the heat leave her damp skin, she wrapped herself in it, quickly hopping out to the bedroom again.
The lingerie she set out on the bed was a deep set burgundy color, with lace decorating the delicate corset and the trim of the satin panties. The packaging really did not do it justice. Y/N grinned at the new set, one that she knew would happily be torn from her body later. A shiver ran through her as she let the cold air fall over her skin, carefully slipping the lingerie on. It was a damn shame, really; the set was quite nice, and she reminded herself to buy more of the nicely suiting color for their nights together. 
Click.
Y/N’s heart thumped with anticipation as she heard the door open and she took a quick moment to ready herself. Hair in perfect style, legs stretched along the length of the bed to make herself look as seductive as possible, a small smirk thrown on her pouty lips.
But in the darkened room, it wasn’t Peter’s shadow that appeared. Three men, three tall, bulkier men’s shadows appeared at the foot of the bed, and horror washed over her as she realized who they were. “Goddamn, dolly, I’ve imagined what you would’ve looked like under those sweaters, but this is much sweeter than I expected.”
The sinister face of Bucky Barnes came into her view, just a sliver of moonlight lighting up his pale skin. His eyes raked over Y/N’s uncovered skin, and goosebumps appeared as she tried to cover herself up under his predatory gaze.
“W-what are you doing here?” She whispered worriedly. Sam and Steve flanked the bed on either side of her, plastered sickly sweet smiles on their faces, providing her with a false sense of security that made her heart scream in fear. Though she wasn't making any noise, her lungs felt like they were going to give out, her throat closing up like an allergic reaction. 
Her head whipped every which way in robotic movement, her brain seeming to fail her as she scanned the room for an exit. Several moments of shortened breaths, cold air chilling her body, before she came out of her freezing shock to realization.
“Why are you here? Please, get out, just g-get out!”
A calloused hand pushed away Y/N’s left arm that covered her tits, and Steve groaned at the sight of her pebbled nipples. “God, baby, they’re as pretty as I thought they’d be. Been trying to feel them up all week, but you knew that, didn’t you?”
Saturday the week before at lunch when he’d spilled water over chest and tried to clean her up. Sam’s friendly hug that became a bit less friendly when his hands slipped into the back pockets of her jeans. The movie night on Monday when Bucky’s hand caressed her thigh a little too close to her core. All of their touches began to make more sense, and her eyes filled with tears at the realization. 
“Please,” she begged, tears blocking her vision, “I promise I won’t tell anyone, not even Pete, but please just go.”
“You just don’t get it, do you?” Steve asked. He grasped her chin roughly, his face close enough to hers so that she could feel his fiery breath on her lips. “We’re not leaving, sweetheart. You’re gonna let all three of us play with your pretty little body, and you’re gonna make the prettiest sounds for us, alright?”
Y/N shook her head violently, too afraid to make noise, but also bold enough to make one last attempt at freedom. The hand that held her chin quickly moved to slap her cheek, and she hated the way the sting made heat stir in her lower belly. She tried to shy away from their touch again, but Bucky’s face simply held the same smirk as he trailed his vibranium fingers up and down her leg. 
“Oh, come on, Y/N, don’t act all shy now. Peter has been telling us how good you’ve been to him and don’t think he hasn’t told us about your little childhood crush on little ol’ me. Been wanting to fuck you ever since.” Bucky’s hand quickly left her body, instead moving to palm over the bulge in his pants. “Fuck, sweetheart, got me real hard just thinking ‘bout your pussy swallowing my cock. Bet you’re gonna be a sweet, obedient girl for me, right?”
Fire started to course through Y/N’s veins, and with all the power she tried to dampen it down with, it seemed to push through her body that much more dangerously. She despised the fact that she could feel herself growing wet for the three older men, but God, she had never felt the need to be filled up as badly as she did in that moment.
“You’re a bit of a slut, don’t you think?” Sam mocked. He kneeled on her right, his eyes fixated on her panty-clad pussy, a wet patch already forming on the soft satin. It really didn’t help that three of her teen celebrity crushes were eyeing her nearly naked body like a piece of meat. “I mean, look at you, already growing wet and needy for three cocks. Is that what you want, honey? Parker not treating you good enough?”
She hesitated. Goosebumps rose across her skin at the sinister tone of his voice, like he already knew it was true. And it was true and she hated that Sam was right, but as amazing as Peter was a boyfriend, it was clear from the vibrator hiding in his apartment’s bathroom that he was not amazing in the sheets. Every time, she held hope that it would be better, that she would finally get to stop faking an orgasm before he rolled out of the bed with a filled up condom, but she knew deep down inside of her that it wasn’t happening anytime soon. Y/N forced herself to nod weakly at Sam’s questions, and Bucky chuckled. “Oh, you poor dolly, we’re gonna have so much fun with you. Treat you better than that little boy ever could.”
All it took was a whimper, a nearly audible, deadly silent whimper that managed to squeak its way past Y/N’s throat, and the three men took it as permission to ravage her body however they pleased.
Steve made quick work of his pants as Sam lifted her chin to kiss him, his tongue hot and heavy against her mouth, coaxing her lips open. The sound of belt buckles hitting the floor shamefully turned on Y/N even more. Panic coursed through her senses, her mind wanting to scream for them to stop, but her body knew her too well as she felt a wave of slick run down her thighs. Cold metal digits slipped under the waistband of her panties, moving to her wet folds, and she whimpered into Sam’s mouth at the touch. 
“You look so nice, baby, so pretty all laid out for us like this.” Bucky’s hands pulled down her panties as Steve pinched her peaked nipple through the lace, laying lavish, open-mouthed kisses down her torso. The cool air hit her pussy when Bucky’s hands pulled her legs wide open, fully exposed to the three men ready to use her against her will. “Knew you’d be so wet for us, sweetheart, just look at you. Dripping all for your daddies,” Steve murmured against her skin.
Hot breath fanned over her cunt before they rolled her over on her stomach, someone’s hands forcing her up onto her knees with her face smashed into the cotton pillows. She could feel two rough human hands pulling her ass cheeks apart, spreading her ever wider for their view. “Would you look at that, boys, look how fucking hot she is for us.”
Sam’s thick finger ran through her folds, the calloused pad of his finger just teasing her clit before landing a harsh smack to the inside of her thigh. Her moan was muffled through the mattress and she prayed they wouldn’t hear how being treated like whore made her wet like nothing else. 
Hot slick dripped down her thighs, a pool of it staining the pristine sheets by each knee. It was quite a sight, Steve, kneeled by the bed as his face hovered next to her ear, whispering filthy things into her ear as Bucky stroked his hard, leaking cock right next to him. Sam’s lips were making their way up the inside of her right thigh, cracked skin gliding across her sticky flesh. “Oh, baby,” he purred, “you smell so good. Bet you taste even better, don’t you, little girl?”
His tongue reached the apex of her thighs, finally licking a stipe up her center with no warning. Y/N sobbed into the comforter below her, mascara stained tears marking up her face. Two fingers edged their way between the bed and her face, forcing her head upwards and arching her back. Steve’s face was caught in a dirty smirk above hers, lip pulled taut between his teeth, until he saw the tears trailing down her face. “Oh, sweetheart, you look so desperate like this.” His fingers traced her smeared lip gloss around her lips, before opening her lips harshly. “Open up, you dumb baby.”
Y/N forced her jaw open wider, just enough to watch a string of Steve’s saliva drip into her mouth. The thick spit pooled on her tongue and she tried hard not to grimace in front of him, in hopes that he wouldn’t make her- 
“Swallow it, sweetheart.” He saw the hesitation in her eyes, how her lower lip trembled at his words, but he just laughed at her. “Now.”
The warm saliva slid down her tongue and more black tears ran down her face as she obliged his orders, finally gulping it and cringing at the taste. Steve loved the way her face screwed up in displeasure, how she still had the audacity to pretend she hated what they were doing though she was moaning and whimpering with Sam’s tongue attacking her entrance.
“What do you want, sweetheart? We might give it to you as long as you use your words.” Bucky taunted lightly.
Y/N stared up at the brunette, staring menacingly down at her with his cock in hand. “Please,” she whimpered.
The three found it woeful, the way she could barely get a full sentence out as Sam went to town with his skilled tongue, but even with that onslaught, a simple please wasn’t enough for them.
“Please what, honey,” Sam moaned from between her legs, “you gotta use your big words or we’ll never know what you want from us.”
Steve and Bucky nodded in fake-agreement even though they all knew exactly what she wanted and where. 
“I don’t-” her widened eyes glanced into Steve’s, blown-out and teary. “I don’t want anything, not from you.” She lied through her teeth harshly.
Sam removed his head from between her thighs and Y/N immediately whined at the loss of contact almost hilariously. “You don’t want anything, little girl?” 
The air felt static, every hair on her neck rising in the pressured silence. The angel and the devil clawed at her heart, each trying to show her what was right. And she wanted to sin, God knew that she would love nothing more than to let that little greedy part of her take over, but she’d already cheated on Peter and that damn good part of her conscience stole the wheels of her brain.
Slowly and shamefully, she shook her head, though the downright dirty monster inside of her wanted the men to ignore her words and keep assaulting her body. 
“That’s a shame, baby, I thought we were having fun.” Sam sighed. He met Bucky’s gaze on the side, and though they seemed to be in resignation with her wishes, their eyes twinkled devilishly. He positioned his body over Y/N’s kneeled over form, his bare chest glued to her sweating back as his hands ran up the sides of her ribcage and to her front, just barely grazing over her sensitive nipples. “You mean, you don’t want me to touch you here?”
He pinched the darkened buds and she had to use every ounce of self-restraint to not collapse at the sensation. His calloused hands moved back even further, tracing down to the stretch of skin just above her mound, swiping a finger across the skin delicately. “How about here? Or even,” he brought three fingers around her body, over her ass, and into her glistening cunt again, just rubbing along her entrance, not daring to go further in. Y/N couldn’t hold in her reaction to his prodding anymore, his teasing chipping away all of her dignity and pride in a few simple touches. 
“Yes, please, please, use your fingers,” she blurted against her will. Where shame should have washed over her, there was only lust, raging red and coursing through her body so forcefully that she felt braindead. “Put your fingers in me, daddy, please.”
The pet name rolled off of her tongue so easily and she was barely ashamed of how it made her feel. The name especially shocked the three men, who smiled even wider with their cocks harder than before at the little slip up. “That was all you had to say, dolly, gonna have your daddies make you feel real good,” Bucky laughed.
Sam finally plunged his thick fingers knuckle-deep into her cunt as Steve’s mouth captured hers, effectively swallowing her scream with ferocity. The long digits scissored and swirled inside of her, pressing against new unexplored areas that she’d never even gotten to with her own fingers. White dots danced along the front line of her vision as teeth clashed against hers and though it’d been mere minutes she already knew she was close and the men did as well.
“I can feel you clamping around my fingers, honey,” Sam taunted. His lips were moving sinfully around her ass, planting sloppy kisses and drooling all over her skin while he fingered her deep. “Are you gonna come soon, baby?”
“Yes, daddy, I’m so- fuck,” Y/N panted into Steve’s mouth, “m’ so c-close.” The blond bit her tongue hard enough for her to taste blood and she yelped as she heard Sam and Bucky laugh. 
“Watch your language, dolly,” Bucky sneered from the side of the bed. His hand was rapidly moving around his cock, corkscrew motions edging him towards the brink of pleasure. 
“Little girls like you don’t get to use big swear words,” Sam’s face was still buried between her legs, his soaked fingers pulling out of her cunt only to rub at her little pearl of nerves in circles. His tongue still lapped at her dripping entrance and he could feel her tight hole start to pulse as her breathing picked up. “Oh, baby, you’re getting close, aren’t you?”
Y/N was hesitant to answer at first, the sweat on her body seeming to cool immediately in fear of what would happen if she messed up. But after five seconds Steve stopped kissing her, gripping her chin and staring into her eyes deeply. He looked as debauched as she felt, with his rosy lips swollen with spit and cheeks tinged with pink. “Are you gonna answer daddy, sweetheart?”
That knocked her into shape real fast.
“Yes, daddy, I’m so close. P-please let me come,” she whimpered. The whine in her voice pleased the two men, and Steve went back to exploring her mouth before she felt something poking against her asshole.
“Gonna let daddy put his cock in you, little girl?” Sam asked gently. His words had panic coursing through her system, a chilling realization like water being poured on her head and she began to wiggle around, trying to free Sam’s hand from her hip. Her arms weakly pushed at Steve’s chest, trying to push him as far away as he could, but the men only laughed at her flailing limbs. Y/N wanted to scream no to them, and despite her contrasting love-hate relationship with Sam’s fingers inside her cunt she knew it was time to go. It was laughable how much she would continue to say that to herself for the rest of the night. 
But Sam managed to sense her panic, knowing exactly what the issue was before harshly spanking her and effectively stopping her struggle. “Don’t worry, baby, I won’t come inside of you. I’m not risking knocking up a whore with my kids, I’ve got more dignity than that.”
He led the leaking tip of his dick down her crack, rubbing it along her slick entrance before pushing in with a groan. “Oh my fucking God, that is so hot.” Bucky admonished from the side. “Gotta get in on that soon.”
Steve chuckled against Y/N’s lips, pulling away with a strand of saliva connecting them. He adjusted himself up so his dick was centimeters from her face, a knee propped up on the bed for balance. “Gotta wait your turn, Buck, we all want a piece of her.” He noticed the way Y/N’s eyes were transfixed on his cock, the red mushroom head smeared with precome along the slit, nearly purplish veins standing out prominently on his shaft. Yeah, he couldn’t even deny that he was big because he already knew how many girls had dropped down on their knees for him. “Go ahead, sweetheart, open up those pretty lips for me.”
Almost too excitedly, she dropped her jaw, allowing him to slide his cock into the silky warmth of her mouth. As his hips started to thrust into her mouth, Sam’s started to do the same into her cunt. Both men moaned in tandem with their movements as Y/N’s worries faded away to the back of her mind as they stuffed her to the brim.
“You can come now, baby,” Sam nearly ordered, “go and cream on daddy’s cock- fuck, I know you’ve been waiting.”
It was a harsh bump of his head against her G-spot that sent her over the edge, walls clamping down with ferocity and milking him for all she was worth. Y/N reeled in the sunlight infested warmth that coursed through her body as she finally let go, whining around Steve’s dick as he continued to abuse her throat with long, deep thrusts. 
Bucky was still holding his orgasm off, fondling with his tight, heavy sac while his dick remained a painfully hard mess, glistening with precome. “I’m so glad I got to see you come, dolly, look so fucking pretty when you do.”
She couldn’t deny the little skip of her heart at the praise, just a few simple words that made her feel like a good little girl. But no, God-fucking no, she wasn’t supposed to let them make her feel this way. Guilt washed away that warmth in her chest just as quickly, knowing that her boyfriend was just waiting to come back to see her, finishing up his studies so that they could live their lives out together after college while she was getting her pussy and mouth absolutely wrecked by his co-workers. 
As soon as Y/N got her brain thinking straight again, Sam started moving inside of her again and she garbled out a strangled cry. “If you thought we were done here, baby,” Sam laughed, “you’ve got a lot left ahead of you.”
“We’re not leaving until all of us have come, brat.” Steve’s palm gripped the back of her skull roughly, pushing her head so far down on his dick that her nose was squished against his abdomen. “Greedy little bitch.”
Both men started to thrust into her again, and just like that she was back to being absolutely lost in desire and lust like the bitch in heat she was until there was a sudden shift in the air. So much that the sweat on her body began to cool her skin, Sam’s hands still gripping her hips so tightly she knew they’d leave marks that she would have to hide when she wore her favorite low-cut shorts. 
Bucky’s eyes seemed to drift from her tits moving with each movement of her hips, checking behind the door as if there were something lurking there, but she was too afraid to see for herself. If she stopped she would get spanked, and they’d probably prolong her second orgasm even further, and her pussy couldn’t handle any more subtle teasing.  
“Hey there, Parker, why don’t come on out here?”
But that, that was what made the hairs on Y/N’s neck rose, dread filling her to the fullest as she realized the implications of Sam’s words.
Peter had seen everything. Peter, her boyfriend, had seen three of his co-workers, three men who she barely knew, fuck her deep into his mattress. Peter, her boyfriend, had watched her get fucked into his mattress, without trying to stop them whatsoever.
She couldn’t tell if it was the guilt of cheating on her boyfriend or the freezing realization that he hadn’t done anything to stop the three men that hurt more. 
Yet Peter still walked from behind the door, dressed in a NYU hoodie and a pair of khakis slung low on his hips, just drawing attention to the sizable bulge that stretched out his zipper. His umber eyes, normally full of so much joy and love, were possessed by the same lust and darkness as the three men, as much as he tried to hide it behind a shyer facade. 
His eyes were trained on the tightness of how Y/N’s pussy was gripping Sam, her lips glossed over with come and spit wrapped around Steve’s dick. The girl stopped in her movements, her eyes no longer full of tears for just being gagged, but as soon as her mouth came to a halt around the base of his cock, the blond slapped her across the face. A sharp crack echoed around the room and though she couldn’t see him, she heard Bucky’s feral growl of pleasure at the whorish treatment she was receiving. 
“Didn’t say you could fucking stop, sweetheart, keep working on daddy’s cock.” No more words needed to be said as Steve gripped her hair once more, forcing himself farther back into her throat to the point where she couldn’t breathe. Sam’s thrusts were quickening, closer and closer to release as the sounds of the girl struggling to breath made his balls tighten. 
“Fucking shit, baby, you feel yourself squeezing my dick? I bet you like teasing daddy like that, don’t you?” One of his hands were brought down on her ass in a quick smack that resonated with Bucky, who was staving off his orgasm for something much sweeter than his hand. She was moaning raucously around the dick stuffed in her mouth, the vibrations sending jolts of pleasure up every nerve in Steve’s body as he came with the tip of his dick nearly being swallowed by Y/N’s throat. There was barely any time for her to fully down the thick come in her mouth before Sam was threatening to orgasm. “I’m gonna come so soon but you better fucking not, little girl, you hear me? Gotta let your daddy come before you, you ungrateful little bitch- oh.”
It was a really fucking close call, Sam’s dick pulling out of her with one quick movement before spilling pearly ropes of come onto Y/N’s spine. A high whine escaped her mouth, clit throbbing as she was so, so close to coming, and she was too far into her crazed pleasure to realize that she was letting three older men, men who fought to defend the universe from evil, use her as an over-glorified fleshlight. 
She couldn’t really blame them for calling her a cockdrunk whore. 
Bucky sauntered over to the bed, eyes trained on the pool of come centered around the base of her spine before flipping her over onto her back with his large hands and shoving three vibranium fingers back into her hole. She gasped and held onto his forearm as he continued to fingerfuck her to her second orgasm, eyes screwed shut in a delirious haze of contentment for being filled with at least something again. 
“Bucky, Bucky, Bucky, please-” Steve slapped her along the face, correcting her words immediately. “Daddy, daddy, please let me come.”
Bucky chuckled, tweaking one of her nipples with his flesh hand as he hovered over her face. “I don’t know, dolly, you’ve been a little naughty, callin’ me the wrong name, not listening to Stevie’s orders- don’t think you deserve to get what you want.”
A muffled whimper escaped her swollen lips, and he sighed in surrender. “Okay, dollface, go ahead and come on my fingers. Let me see how you wet ‘em up real good.”
Y/N’s hips bucked into his metal digits with finality, come leaking out of her cunt and soaking the sheets below her. Her sweat-glazed skin shone even against the darkening sky, and all Bucky could do was chuckle at how her chest rose quickly as she tried to catch her breath. He thought about teasing her clit again, just circling around the little bud of nerves to get a rise out of her, but he decided against it. Sam probably had better plans for her anyway. 
On the other hand, Y/N’s orgasm was starting to wear off as she noticed the hardened stare from the edge of the room. Her boyfriend.
“Peter, I…” Y/N made eye contact with him, suddenly noticing how mousy he looked in his own bedroom. 
“I nearly forgot you were here, Parker,” Sam smirked darkly. “Why don’t you come over here and fuck your little whore. I’m feeling a little generous today.”
Steve and Bucky nodded with the same infuriating smugness as Sam. The brunette boy opened his mouth to object to the degrading statement, but when he met his girlfriend’s eyes nothing needed to be said. There was no escaping this. Nothing he said mattered to the three older men, because really they had already gotten everything they wanted right in front of their disgusting, perverted eyes. 
He unbuckled his belt, letting the weight of it drop his khakis to the floor. Maybe if he’d known he would be forced into join a fivesome later that night he’d have picked any other boxers but the Ducktales one, but no one seemed to say a word about them, rather focusing on what they were failing to conceal. 
Peter’s cock had always been admirable to Y/N by its length and God, definitely its thickness. Curved upwards towards his abdomen with a vein running along the left side up to the bulbous head, it was definitely more than average. It was really just a shame he didn’t know how to use it well enough.
His shirt was pulled over his head just as quickly, and if Y/N knew any better she would say that he was excited to get to fuck her in front of the three men. He placed himself in between Y/N’s parted legs, standing in the same position as he had so many times before.
But when Y/N cried out in pain and pleasure as he slid into her, Peter knew that this time, it was different. This time three men, men that he used to trust with his life, stood on either side of him and his girlfriend and jerked their hands up and down their cocks as they watched her get fucked relentlessly. It wasn’t sweet, it wasn’t romantic, but he couldn’t really think when his thick cock was stuffed inside of her stimulated pussy, juices and come leaking out of her abused sex. 
“Go faster, Parker,” Steve instructed, his face contorted in pure pleasure. The pace of Peter’s thrusts sped up, and he threw Y/N’s ankles over his shoulders, hitting deeper inside of her, with the sound of her sobs only turning them all on more. “Oh, right there, shit, shit, shit-”
Steve came first, a low groan escaping his lips as streams of come landed on her tits, still bouncing with every movement of Peter’s hips. 
“Open up,” Sam gritted through his teeth, and Y/N obediently opened her mouth to let his bitter come coat the inside of her throat, some of it landing on her face and neck. The string of curses he let out made Peter thrust even faster into her, and he hated, absolutely despised the way it turned him on to see the three men use his girlfriend to their pleasure. But soon enough a hand pushed against his chest away from Y/N and he reluctantly pulled out.
“Move aside, kid,” Bucky instructed, “Wanna come inside of her.”
As he lined his gigantic cock up with her entrance, her eyes widened with fear. “No, please, I didn’t take my pills, I can’t- I won’t, please not inside-”
“Shut the fuck up, you slut.” Bucky’s fingers came to slap her clit harshly, and she cried out in pain. “You’re gonna be quiet and let me come wherever I damn want, right?”
He punctuated his last word as he thrust inside her, filling her up to the hilt with his girth. She was too drunk on the feeling of her cunt being filled up to argue again. It was painful, extremely so, even though two different cocks had been inside her overstimulated pussy already and Bucky stretched her out wide, his cock thicker with veins to hit every pleasure point. With her legs tossed around his tapered torso, he slid out until his very tip was left in her, then slammed back in with a small moan. The head of his cock relentlessly pounded into her cervix in a nearly soundless tempo and all Y/N could hear were her own gasps of pleasure, jaw-dropping moans that made drool slide back down her throat in her laid down position.
She turned her head to the side, and though her vision was bleary through the tears, she could see Sam and Steve watching Bucky fuck her while Peter, her boyfriend, her sweet, sweet boyfriend, was caught up fucking his hand to the sound of Bucky’s balls slapping against her ass. 
“Fuck, ‘m not gonna last much longer, dollface.” Bucky gasped. “You gonna come soon? You’re gonna come for daddy one more time. I think you’ve got a third one in you, you little fucking slut.”
“Shit, shit, daddy, please ‘m almost there,” Y/N wailed absentmindedly. A thumb came down to circle her clit quickly and she felt the coil in her stomach grow tighter and tighter, until she finally let out a high whine, finding her release as Bucky’s cock pulsed inside of her, ready to come just as easily as her. Her pussy clenched around his cock as she rode out her orgasm, fingers grasping at the sheets in order to find some sort of grounding. His come painted her walls white, and Bucky could’ve sworn there was no better feeling than feeling his blood warm in every vein as he finally let go. With stunted groans, his hips slowed its rhythm, lost in watching how his cock disappear into Y/N’s pussy, her slick juices coating his dick each time he pulled out. 
“Ah, fuck, dolly, you did so good for me. Pussy tight as a fuckin’ vice.” Bucky hugged her limp body close to his sweaty chest, letting his dick soften inside of her for a good few moments before pulling out. He tossed Y/N back onto the bed below him, barely even caring to clean the come dripping down her ribcage and out of her cunt before grabbing his boxers from the cabinet next to the bed. 
Steve was already buttoning his jeans up, checking the notifications on his phone before shoving it back into his pocket. The blond seemed to have better things to do so soon after, rushing his way to the door before pausing where Y/N laid to watch come drip out of her pussy. One more time he pushed Bucky’s come inside of her abused entrance, watching as it oozed out from behind his digits. “Look at you, fucking full of of his come. Such a goddamn whore,” he muttered under his breath.
Those were the last words he said to her before patting Bucky on the shoulder and leading him out of the opened door. 
Maybe Sam was a bit more kind, or affectionate at least. He was already dressed but visibly hard again beneath the thick denim of his pants, and he made sure Y/N knew it, taking her left hand and placing it over his dick. “You still got that effect on me, honey, even when you’re all fucked out like this.” He dragged his fingers through the thick ribbons of come that coated her chest, bringing them up to her mouth so she could taste. Even though she was more than exhausted, she wrapped her tongue around the two fingers that were pushed past her swollen lips, sucking them clean with a tired vengeance. Satisfied with her work, he kissed her chin one more time before leaving without so much as another word, slamming the door shut on his way out.
Click.
It ended exactly the way it started, the lock jostling into the doorknob just as easily as the high of Y/N’s final orgasm slipped away.
Stifling silence suffocated the room around them. Peter refused to meet her eyes, just as much as hers did his. She laid motionless on the bed with him standing at the foot, his dick soft and if she narrowed her bleary eyes just a bit, she could see how his knees were shaking. Neither of them were able to say anything, losing the ability to converse as soon as the three men left the room.
“Peter,” her voice was throaty after the rough fucking she took, “C-can you please get me a drink?”
The brown-haired boy looked down to meet her face, and she could finally see the reason that he had hid it from her. His eyes were red and bloodshot, snot running from his nose with tears running down his cheeks. She’d been so caught up in the after haze of the sex that she didn’t even notice how his bare chest was heaving so deeply, nearing hyperventalation. 
But still, he grabbed his boxers, pulling them over his weakened legs clumsily. “Y-yeah, what kind do you want, Mr. Stark has a ton-”
“I don’t care.” She cut him off firmly, a sharp tone in her voice as she rolled over on her side. Y/N tucked her knees to her chin, fingers running over the side of her neck which was marked with bruises and scratches. “I don’t fucking care.”
Without another word Peter slipped out of the room quietly, knowing better than to try to talk to her about what they had been forced to participate in. It wasn’t as if there was much to say anyways.
Rain pattered against the window. It was only six o’clock in the evening. Cars honked and beeped and Natasha’s Igor Stavinsky record played for its fiftieth round of the day, and to anyone else in the tower it was a normal night. Normal, just like the ones spent sitting on the couch with Bucky’s hand creeping up her leg or Sam’s hands groping her ass, but this time they’d made a move. 
The silence was far too much to handle, the unspoken truth of what she’d done with Bucky, Steve, Sam, and Peter finally hitting her, knocking the air out of her lungs as she suddenly struggled to breathe. Gripping her face, clawing at it like a goddamn wolf, Y/N began to cry. Silently at first, gradually growing into heartbroken sobs, she let her trodden pride carry her voice wherever it wanted to go. 
The men’s whispered words haunted her mere moments after they’d left the room, but most audibly she could hear a faint husk of a voice, Sam’s low moan in her ear looming in the dreadful silence of the room:
Thanks for sharing with us, baby.
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neko-rogers · 3 years
Note
hey!! I’m not sure if your inbox is still open but I thought I’d send this just in case! what would you think abt a dark!peter who’s obsessed w s/o and offers to have her stay with him during like the stay-at-home pet of covid so she’s not alone then when it’s lifted he’s like lol you’re not leaving. sorry that’s kinda long and super specific. i absolutely love your writing though!!💗
Jamie All Over
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words: 2,040 (no, i should be sorry bc this was chaotic)
tags: didn’t expect it to be this LONG, manipulative!peter parker, grooming, overprotectiveness, slight mentions of sex, don’t expect too much lmao its a headcanon
a/n: hi babe! i wasn’t entirely sure if you wanted this as a one shot (but if u do let me know!)
so you’re pretty unaware of every move peter is trying to do with you, you know? you were not really sure if it was a kind gesture, as the gentleman he seemed to be, or was it just a special treatment
ever since second year and until now as both of you were on your fourth year, he was consistent with his efforts
these moves were moments like when he would carry your books to your next class or confidently invite you to a study ‘date’ at the library after – often times he tells that his friends were invited, but would never show up later on
sometimes he would bring you lunch. you tried to turn it down kindly, but he insists that it was purposely packed as an extra for when he stays late around the university.
it was a lie though. anyone could tell by the way it was prepared looking very appetizing and tasted just as amazing at it was presented. 
and as peter had mentioned that he lived alone, you also assumed he was the one to make his meals. you were so sure he doesn’t pack for an extra and intentionally wants to impress you with his skills.
“hey, y/n!,” he calls, “look this eggroll has a cute design!”
he honestly was an epitome of a walking sunshine. his smile seemed so pure and you never felt any ill-intent for every gesture he had done for you
his friends seemed very welcoming the moment he introduced you to his group
you got along with ned who seemed to be just as joyful and funny as peter. meanwhile mj was a bit more of a tough cookie, nevertheless you both eventually got a long better than you expected
however, it came to one point wherein your own group of friends started being disheartened with your lack of communication
“you’ve been spending more time with that parker boy, huh?” “yeah, kinda?” “are you two like... dating?” “oh no! no... no... nooo!”
the moment they frowned at you was then that you realized and felt a little more guilty. you always remembered that friends were supposed to be friends despite the lack of time and effort, right?
somehow you tried to compensate for the lack of time with your friends. but every minute you spend felt more awkward than before
they weren’t sharing the same vibe with you and you were starting to question if it had been always like it – were you only adjusting to them?
you reached out for peter, considering that he became one of the closest and trusted people around the university. plus, he seemed to have genuinely great friends
“do you feel happy when you’re spending time with them?”
“well i used to but recently–”
“then you should stop being friends with them.”
you were upset for a second. the way he instantly told you that cutting ties with them would be the (only) option
he sounded serious on the other end of the line and you were just speechless for a moment. the dead air between lines was evident, but you didn’t know what to say
“sorry,” peter makes up, “i didn’t mean to sound too serious. i just don’t like people who are rude, especially to you.”
“oh, it’s fine. i totally get it.” you felt a batch of butterflies around your stomach. someone actually cared for you!!!
the moment you didn’t hesitate on losing your friendship with your past friends and moved on with joining peter’s group, things felt lighter.
somehow you felt more expressive than you realized. they were open to your ideas and thoughts, just as you were with them. you felt super comfortable and realized that you weren’t holding back on anything anymore
that’s why you had expected your winter break to be better than your past ones
everyone agreed to skate around the ice rink in rockefeller for christmas. along with it, also spending new year’s eve at the time square
news flash: you finally had the cliche new year’s eve kiss, with none other than peter parker!!! hooray!!!
for anyone who had common sense, your feelings for peter had accentuated. you weren’t denying it either, and the boy wasn’t oblivious to it too
he was just so irresistible and kind to you, like, all the time – to surreal, honestly
you felt and KNEW you were spoiled with peter (and his friends, who liked to spend time with you outside too, just not as much as him)
just as you were planning your spring break activities, it had to be postponed for another time
a lockdown had to be implemented around the country as it was under the state of a pandemic
mj and ned told the group that they’ll be with their families since lectures had to be concluded for the mean time
you planned to do the same, but you expected that this situation wouldn’t last long. so you chose to stay in your dorm rather than return to your hometown
completely sucks since you not only don’t get to hang out with your friends, but you weren’t able to see anyone in person...
until you got a text from peter
he was literally inviting you over his apartment since he explained that he wasn’t returning home either
you practically rushed to pack a small amount of clothes for a sleepover whilst not forgetting to wear a mask (bc it’s fucking important ok)
you arrived at his address and a big warm hug ensues 
his unit was so tidy and you were convinced he did it to impress you
peter was so happy to see you, acknowledging that you’re also spending a few nights with him
the nights mostly consisted of eating snacks and binge watching movies
however during one of those nights, both of you got a bonus – making out on his couch and further, completely forgetting the television
making out with peter wasn’t awkward at all. most of the time he was the one in control, which you didn’t mind
his hands treated you so gently but the way he teased you made you crave for more than what he was offering
a lot of whining, swearing, and begging – you weren’t aware but he was enjoying it a lot
on his side, he did praise you from time to time, but most of it consisted of raw tension and actions. the room was full of grunts and short breaths 
just want to include how sexy peter would be while he moans all over you. like his whole sunshine personality just drained away the moment he places his hands on either sides of your waist
the next day you felt like a princess even though you know it shouldn’t be???
apparently peter prepared breakfast for you and you felt embarrassed walking around his place only in the shirt you wore yesterday and underwear
just when you thought the extra lunch he packs for you was already amazing, the breakfast he prepared whilst being fresh and hot was just incredible
“you really like it?”
“of course! you really have to teach me to cook sometimes”
peter laughs and jokes, “yeah, don’t worry. i feel like we’ve got a lot of time ahead.”
ok fast forward to a few more days when you were beginning to feel like a freeloader. he lets you borrow a few of his clothes as yours were in the laundry
by the time you wanted to stop by your place, peter started to be more... clingy
at first he didn’t want you to go but after a few more debates, he felt defeated and instead insisted on going with you
eventually you caved and let him. it wasn’t that bad either, he talked to you about a lot of things on the way leaving you entertained the whole walk without realizing how far it had been
he helped you ‘pack’ more stuff so you wouldn’t be going back and forth from his place and yours. you felt like you were going out of town for a month with the amount of clothes and products
both of you returned to his place around late afternoon. you felt pretty tired and didn’t hesitate to pass out on the living room couch
when you woke up you sensed that you were in peter’s bedroom, meaning he carried and tucked you during the night
plus! an arm was wrapped around your midriff and you could feel peter’s breathing against your side
you closed your eyes and appreciated the moment. it was cute and made butterflies flutter around your stomach, and you tried not to move much to not wake him up
anyways apparently the pandemic lasted longer, and more serious, than expected (fuck the government and their incompetency) 
you spent more time with peter and was thankful that you didn’t spend this quarantine alone
within a blink of an eye, a month and a half already had passed. you couldn’t deny that most, or all, days have been unproductive
eat, cook, watch tv, cuddle, fuck, repeatedly get spoiled??? yeah sounds like the dream
weird though because you haven’t completely brought up to peter if you’re actually in a relationship with him. oh no were you just friends with (a lot) of benefits??
but you also felt like it wasn’t the time to bring it up. neither of you were saying anything so it was best to let it be for the fear that things might go downhill from there
anyways this continued for more weeks, especially since the ‘stay-at-home’ policy was deemed necessary
you started to help him do errands around the apartment just to feel like you weren’t an actual freeloader – but it wasn’t a surprise when he kept insisting that you should relax
more cute moments
more sexy times
and more cuddles during night (peter’s grip became tighter every night, but you shrugged it off assuming that it was just you getting homesick and overthinking)
ok but when you brought up being homesick and mentioned that you planned peter wasn’t entirely happy about it
the way he acted wasn’t just clingy. he insisted that he’d be the one to go and that you were staying
“ok but i’m not a dog, peter?” “i know, honey, but it’s too dangerous outside. i wouldn’t want you to be at risk.” “i wear a mask?? i follow health protocols?? i’ll be fine??” “you don’t understand–”
oh god he was becoming controlling
you tried not to argue anymore, rather ignoring and pushing past him to proceed to the door
and peter instinctively wrapped an arm around your waist and prevented you from walking further
there was a lot of struggling, but you didn’t know he was this strong. literally what the hell.
you tried to scream too but he pretty much threatened you to your core
“let’s talk this out,” he grunts as he secures his grip around you
“the hell? let me go!”
things got more complicated. he did convince you to talk with him (by means of tying your arms and legs to incapacitate you from running and righting)
it was a nightmare. he was really soft and sweet with you, even getting teary eyed after stating, “i only want what’s best for you... for us”
however you could sense the manipulativeness through it despite being making everything else look convincing
“trust me, sweetie, i wouldn’t want to hurt you. it would crush me” “please don’t cry. i’m only protecting you” “people are disgusting, they don’t deserve an angel like you” “don’t worry, i can protect you”
it terrified you to your nerves, sending shivers across your spine
at first you didn’t realize it, but eventually after days of being trapped, you figured he had been grooming you the whole time
he tried to make you dependent of him and somehow he did a fine job. just not enough to completely exploit you
though, it made you question what would have been better in your situation: being conscious of his sly nature with the hope of escaping or being unaware and completely wrapped around his finger whereas letting him continue how greatly he had been caring for you?
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huangbae · 3 years
Note
oo can i please request nct dreams reaction to their s/o denying them cuddles and kisses?
a/n: thank you sm for requesting !! :) hope you enjoy <33 btw i didn’t proofread so if there’s any errors i’m sorry D:
♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡
˗ˏˋNct Dream’s Reactions To... ´ˎ˗
you denying them kisses/cuddles <3
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< mark >
you and mark were cooking because your mom was coming to meet him
he was flipping through the recipe book and giving you instructions
he was taking the whole thing very seriously
he was wearing an apron and one of those white chef hats
even though he refused to touch what you were making it because he didn’t wanna mess anything up
you thought his dedication to this whole thing was cute
so after you finished making dinner
and you both got dressed for the occasion
“so, how about a celebratory kiss?”
you laughed at his attempt and told him to wait after your mom left
he was pouting the whole time
even when your mom came by
but you made sure to kiss him after she left so
thumbs up emoji
< renjun >
both of you were attending a party being held by chenle
it was 2 am and you were ready to go home
but renjun was having a good time
so you didn’t wanna ruin his fun so
you tried staying up
a notification from your phone made you jump in your seat a little bit
so you checked it
and it was a text from renjun telling you to meet him in the kitchen
so you got up and walked groggily to the kitchen
the loud music blasting into your ears
which made you kind of annoyed
when you saw renjun he grabbed your hand and asked you for a kiss
you rolled your eyes and started walking back to your seat
but renjun caught up to you and complained to chenle
“my s/o is getting cranky, they don’t even wanna kiss me anymore, i think they’re ready to go”
classic sassy renjun
10/10 would recommend good job y/n
< jeno >
jeno was playing with his cats the whole day
and you were bored
and cuddle-deprived
so you were just a little bit sad
jeno noticed and try to crack some jokes every now and then
to no avail
while you were grabbing a water bottle from the kitchen
he walked up behind you and back hugged you
“stop ignoring me :(“
you rolled your eyes playfully
and told him to get off
he didn’t
so you gave him a quick kiss and ran off into jeno’s room again
he just stood in the kitchen
shocked
for a good 2 minutes
until he ran to his room
and begged you to do it again
< haechan >
after a day of walking through the park with you
his legs were tired
so while you guys were sitting on a bench waiting for the bus to come pick you guys up
he sits on your lap
and grabs your arms and wraps them around his waist himself
he gets mad when you take them off his waist
turns his head around and starts complaining
he took what you did personally
“if you want to break up, just tell me now, y/n D:”
starts fake crying
even though theres other people at the bus stop
and when you get embarrassed he gets even more dramatic
“oh wow. now i’m embarrassing. i can’t believe you’d do this to me, y/n.”
doesn’t speak abt it after you guys get on the bus
lesson learned
don’t mess w haechan
< jaemin >
ever since jaemin got a new job he’s been so preoccupied
you’ve been doing school too so its not like he has nothing to complain about
but still you guys missed each other
you’ve been sitting at your desk the whole day
clicking the keys on your keyboard
but then you heard the door open
and footsteps towards the office you were in
before you could even think about it
jaemin crashed through the door
you don’t know how he has so much energy after working 12 hours at a tiring retail job
but he kneeled down to the chair
hugging your knees and placing his head on your lap
“y/n, i demand attention.”
you declined, saying you needed to finish a paper for your history class
but before you got to finish
he started pulling your swiveling office chair out of the room
and into your shared bedroom
he’s so extra all he wanted was some attention from his favorite person
he’s so pouty though how could you resist
< chenle >
you were scrolling through his instagram
more specifically
the pictures he posted of the both of you
you also looked through the pics he posted of himself
he was already behind you
waiting for the perfect moment to catch you in the act
he put his hands on either of your shoulders
“BOO”
started laughing at how scared you got
you pouted and told him that the pictures were special to you
he looked at you and smiled
“come here, you sentimental idi—”
he comes closer to you with his lips puckered up
you stop him by holding a hand up to his face
and you start running away from him
“this is what you get for making fun of me, zhong chenle.”
chases after you
rolls his eyes
he catches up to you
makes you kiss him
but actually this time
< jisung >
you and jisung were watching a movie on netflix
his head was on your lap
and you were playing with his hair
you could tell he was blushing
a few minutes later
he turned his head and asked if he could kiss you
you decline just because you wanted to pay attention to the movie
you felt bad though bcs jisung looked embarrassed
he even apologized which made you feel even worse
so you tapped his shoulder
and kissed him on the cheek
he covered his face and didn’t talk to you for like a solid 20 minutes
the cheek kiss + the hair play literally rendered him speechless
you called him cute and he literally had to excuse himself
jisung has to be so cute when he’s flustered
man.
♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡
thank you sm for reading !! i hope you enjoyed :D feel free to request something if you’d like :]
~ with love, huangbae :)
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s11e17 · 3 years
Note
popping in to say i'm sorry to hear that and also your writing is so, so good. i get chills every time i read your work. got any excerpts or tidbits you'd like to share? anything you're especially proud of in past or current works?
wahh thank you so much anon! <3 <3
right now i'm kind of pleased over this little bit in the big bang fic - dean can't say "i love you" to cas, so instead, he asks him if he's ever been to the grand canyon.
Cas’s mouth tilts up sleepily, would be a smile if half of it wasn’t squashed against the pillow. He’d say it now, if he could, the thing that Cas deserves to hear, the thing Dean has never told anybody in his adult life.
Instead, he asks, “Have you ever been to the Grand Canyon?”
also i started writing this like 15k pwp (the plot is basically that dean and cas keep having sex in dreams, aka put up your dukes but not as good) but i feel like it'll be ages before i actually finish it so here are the first two scenes (mostly under the cut bc its like 1600 words lmao):
The few times Castiel has been put under by a djinn, he hasn’t felt particularly disturbed by it. Dean flinches when djinn are mentioned. Sam is deeply distressed when the possibility of unreality is discussed. But Castiel is not so committed to this distinction as the Winchesters are.
Yes, undoubtedly, there are things that are real, and things that are, well, unreal. He likes the prefix un-. It implies a sense of reversal; undoing. Something is real, and then made fiction. Fiction, of the Latin fingo: to make. To invent. To create.
Things are, or they are not. If they are not, then they’re nothing — unless they’re something, in which case, they are. So on and so forth. This is to say, a djinn dream must be as real as Dean’s smile: both created and natural at once. Nature, creation, it is. I am that I am. We are.
This must surely be why Castiel is satisfied with being, when it comes to his love for Dean. Isn’t it enough to create? To speak, and to therefore move from nothing to something? From unformed feeling to articulated truth, Castiel has heaved himself down to Earth from out of the sun more times than he can remember. Dean is his lodestone, and Castiel dreams of him often. It is enough.
Sam’s the one to ask him, in the end. Castiel supposes that makes sense. Dean’s always aimed his comfort at Castiel’s shoulders and his stomach, offering back pats and warm meals, as if even his hands can’t meet Castiel’s gaze.
Sam invites Castiel out to the roof of the bunker to look at the sunset, while Dean is out buying supplies for his tune-ups from the 24 hour mechanic shop he likes to visit when the usual customers aren’t around. Castiel knows this because Dean once told him, once said that he liked to go when the guys were just “shootin’ the shit,” so to speak, liked to roll up with Baby and have them look her over and tell him he’s done a good job. Castiel knows he likes the camaraderie of it, likes having men touch his shoulders and slap his ass the way men do, the way Castiel does not.
So Castiel and Sam are on the roof. “It’s beautiful,” Castiel says.
“It’s real,” Sam says, as if in reply.
“Yes,” Castiel agrees. “It’s that, too.”
Sam sighs. His cheek twitches, and he looks at Castiel. His body is so big— that’s what Castiel thinks, whenever he looks at Sam Winchester. So much goodness, in that broad and wiry body— how could anyone beat him down? Castiel’s heart clenches with love for his brother, because that’s what Sam is to him. “You know— you know this is real, right?” Sam asks. “You know it’s not— you’re not— you’re not in the djinn— in the dream anymore.”
“I know.” Perhaps it’s some angelic power, which makes Castiel so certain of his place. “I know where I am.”
“Good. That’s good.” Sam sits back in his chair, then. “Do you— do you wanna talk about what you saw?”
It’s kind of Sam to phrase it that way. Dean would’ve asked him directly. He would’ve said, What did you see? And Castiel would’ve had to tell him.
Maybe that’s why he didn’t ask. In any case, Castiel says, “I’m happy to tell you if you’re curious.”
Sam huffs out a laugh. “Damn,” he says, “you’re well-adjusted.”
Castiel smiles, too. “I don’t have much to hide from you, Sam,” he says. And he thinks of Dean, who surely must know— who must feel the weight of Castiel’s desire every day. Dean sees how careful Castiel is. He sees Castiel’s hesitance to touch him, sees Castiel’s eyes shining when Dean makes dinner for him, and knows the depth of Castiel’s feeling. The depth of Castiel’s feeling drives Dean to the 24 hour mechanic shop whose men can give Dean what Castiel can’t.
But Dean comes home to Castiel, too.
“Okay,” Sam says, “sure. If you’re really okay with it, then yeah, I’d— I’d love to know what an angel dreams about.”
Castiel wonders how to say it. “We had a house,” Castiel starts, “me and Dean.”
It was a small house. Castiel remembers that vividly. It was tall enough to feel comfortable, but with only a single floor. Two bedrooms— their room, and a guest room. Roof access. It was the kind of house where you could bump shoulders with someone in the kitchen easily, the kind of house that built intimacy. Castiel remembers Dean standing in the back door with his coffee, face turned up to the sun, as he did every morning. He was so beautiful. He’d had a smile on his face, an easy and gentle smile. He’d taken a sip of his coffee, and said, glad we started shellin’ out for the good stuff, Cas, because he knew Castiel was behind him. After so long together, Dean could trust that Castiel would always want to watch him in the morning sunlight, freckles coming in across the bridge of his nose. Some days, Castiel would kiss his shoulder, and say, You are who I cherish most in my life. Do you know that? and every time, Dean would say, Yes, sweetheart. I know.
“We were so happy,” Castiel whispers. It’s all he can think to say. He looks at the sunset. Dean will come home in an hour with new parts for the ‘58 in the garage and a spring in his step, and Castiel will say, Welcome home, Dean, and Dean will say, Thanks, man. They will sleep in separate rooms. Dean has no need for the kind of love Castiel dreams of. Dean is already as happy as he will ever be. In his own way, in the way Dean has outlined with his words and his body, Dean has delineated what it is that he wants and what it is he finds unnecessary. Castiel is honored to fit almost entirely into what Dean wants. The only thing he wishes is that he could jettison the remains.
“Did you— did you know you were in a dream?”
“The whole time.”
“And you—” Sam cuts himself off. “Jesus. That’s— wow. Did it, uh… I mean, what did you feel?”
Castiel considers the question. “I think a better way to phrase it is that I knew it… I knew it wasn’t material. That what I was experiencing was a construction. But it’s not… that distinction isn’t meaningful to me, the way it likely is to humans.”
“No shit,” Sam barks, too aggressive to be a laugh. Castiel looks at him. He’s hunched over, knee wiggling. “It’s— it’s important to me to— to— to know what’s real. That means something to me. Being certain about what the truth is.”
“I understand.”
“But I can’t know,” Sam says, and he looks at Castiel. Half-chuckling still, he says, “I think about it every day, but I can’t know. And you do know, but you don’t care. How fucked is that?”
Castiel’s mouth twitches, but he isn’t happy. He knows Sam isn’t either. “I wish I could give you my certainty,” he says, and Sam looks away. “All I can say is that you are real. I see you. I sense you, in all ways.”
Sam nods. He breathes, deeply, and asks, “Do you miss it?”
Castiel doesn’t pretend to misunderstand. Does he miss his house with Dean, the warm sunlight through the bay windows, the way Dean’s hands would slide over Castiel’s thighs in the front of the Impala? “No,” he says, because he thinks also of Dean’s bunker kitchen chili, and his unfettered delight at cowboy movies. “No, I don’t think so. Once — you remember, with God — once Dean asked me what about all this was real.”
“Yeah. I had the same question.”
“I told him we are.”
Sam exhales. “Oh.”
“Maybe that’s why it doesn’t matter to me,” Castiel realizes. “I know that Dean and I are real, that our friendship is— is a truth which has shaped our paths, in all ways. Whether it’s a djinn dream or a material place, I know the truth.”
Sam nods, considers it. Eventually, he asks, “What made you wake up?”
“I tried the moment I first realized,” Castiel says. “And again, a few— what I perceived as a few weeks later. That was when you found me. The first time I was too weak to escape on my own, and the djinn captured me again.”
“Shit, Cas,” Sam breathes. “You— you— you did it twice?”
“I’ve killed more often for less,” Castiel says. “Killing myself was easy.”
Sam doesn’t ask. Perhaps they’ve all tallied each other’s body counts. Castiel wonders if Sam keeps a list of all the people Castiel has killed.
Instead, Sam says, “Well. Here’s a— okay. The distinction between dreams and real life doesn’t matter to you. I get that. My question is, is it right to say that the material world has— that it’s primary, I guess?”
It’s interesting, to attempt to apply dialectical materialism to an angel. But perhaps faithful to God’s original purpose. “You’ve seen Heaven,” Castiel says, working it out as he says it. “It’s nothing but memories. Consciousness. You’ve seen Hell, too.”
“Yeah.”
“The only way to describe these places is through metaphor. A hallway. A cage. Ripping, tearing. I think that tells us that Earth is where true creation happens. No matter what Chuck says or does, you create your own destiny. Here.”
“Shit.” Sam shakes his head. The sun has gone down; now, Sam and Castiel are accompanied by twilight mosquitoes, by stars coming in up above. “We make our own choices, huh.”
“We have to.” That’s perhaps what was wrong with the djinn dream, the reason why Castiel couldn’t stay there. It had nothing to do with whether it was real or not. It was about choice. That Dean in that back doorway of that sunlit house must have had no choice — because this Dean, his Dean, would’ve chosen otherwise.
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ahundredtimesover · 3 years
Text
He’s Leaving (FNTO 2)
They weren’t kidding when they said everything you touch turns into a mess.
Pairing: Jungkook x (f.) Reader
Genre/Tags: strangers to friends to lovers, popstar/idol!jk, fluff, angst, future smut; this is a dialogue-heavy series so read if you’re into that! JK’s angry in this one 
Warnings: foul language, these characters talk alot bc I talk alot, eventual smut
Word count: ~12,000
Series summary: You meet pop star/idol Jeon Jungkook at the cafe, you get close, and as Hyejin says, you’re like friends with benefits without the sex. But you’re bad at feelings and so is he.
series masterlist
A/N: This takes place 7 months after that night Y/N’s ex shows up! Italicized parts refer to past events. And since I’d mentioned this was initially for Harry, I remember now that Home by 1D was my mood for this, so listen to it as soundtrack (getting emotional while listening to it & thinking about how this ends)!   
#
He’s leaving. 
You stare blankly at the wall dividing your living room and bedroom and say the words once more, in your head and then out of your mouth.  
He’s leaving. 
You say it over and over again, alternating between question and statement. 
Jungkook’s leaving. 
“Yes, Y/N, that’s what I just said.” Jimin mutters over the phone.
“But why? I mean, since when does he leave ahead of all of you guys?”
“He decided to schedule a meeting with one of the producers he’s working with for his mixtape. It isn’t with your cousin, though, otherwise Jieun would’ve told you,” Jimin responds.
It’s the first week of August and the first show of the next leg of their world tour isn’t until a week from now, but Jungkook’s already headed to L.A. and he didn't even tell you about it. In fact, he hasn't said a word to you in the last five days, which is oddly surprising. 
“He hasn't spoken to you?” Jimin asks, picking up on your thoughts. Perhaps your silence gave away the frustration you were feeling. 
“Nope,” you reply, the sadness in your voice unmistakable. 
“I hope you don't think I’m one of those people who’s gotten so attached to him that being ignored for five days feels like the end of the world… because it really isn’t. I’m just worried and confused,” you continue. 
You aren’t blind. Jungkook’s surrounded by women, some vying for his attention, some wanting it back. They’d act out either way, displeasing him although he’d never say it out loud, but you were pretty sure you weren’t one of them. Right?
“Hey, of course not! As both of your friends, even I’m surprised. You two are like, inseparable, long-distance buddies,” he claims. “But to tell you the truth, I have no idea what’s going on either. Are you sure you didn't fight for real this time?” 
No real fights, you say. Your arguments about who has better smelling detergent or your choice of movie to watch or him stealing your oversized sweatshirts were as far as you two went. You often had serious talks, but when you didn't see eye to eye, you always just agreed to disagree, and then it was back to petty fights and annoying each other like little kids again. 
“I’ve to head out now, Y/N. I’m sorry I couldn't help, but I hope you two patch things up! Just call if you need anything,” Jimin says after a few more back and forth of questions and answers about how the past week or so has been, just to pick up on any clues as to why things just suddenly came to a halt. You put your phone away and sit on the couch.
A few months ago, it probably wouldn't have mattered if he didn't text or call for a day or a week. You couldn't even truly come to terms with the fact that you’ve become good friends with Jeon Jungkook, the ‘golden maknae’ and self-proclaimed international playboy of the biggest band in the world who has the unenviable position of being half the female population’s (and a good fraction of the male’s as well) dream everything. 
It amazed you how this oversized-clothes wearing boy with a bunny smile and doe eyes and who liked to talk to insects and impersonate chickens and act out Ironman fight scenes could arouse the sexual musings of individuals of all genders and ages. But then again, he does have that mellifluous voice and has this tendency to hump the air and dance wildly enough to reveal his abs, so you do understand the collective reaction.
For a high profile celebrity like him, it seems natural to be drawn to people from the same industry, for romance purposes or otherwise. Much of it has to do with the fact that they get the lifestyle, as his other band mates have shared, some of whom having dated fellow pop stars and models. But you aren’t from the same circle, or clique, or planet. While you’re your university’s star athlete, volleyball isn’t religion here, so there isn’t any “lifestyle change” of some sort. 
Before Jungkook, your only window to celebrity life was through Jieun, your LA-based music producer of a cousin. Yet, you’ve always been wary of the spotlight, and those who loved it too much, which is why it baffled you for quite a while why you were so fond of Jungkook. He loved the spotlight enough to make his job look so easy, but he felt real  — so real you almost thought he wasn't. 
#
The midway mark of September has rolled in. Once the celebrations of your championship win over the summer were over, it was back to focusing on work and school. You’ve started your probationary period at a research institute, and you’re riding out your fifth year of university after your senior year knee injury left you out of school for a month and out of the graduation rites. This meant a chance to actually win the championship, which you did, and to appease your ever growing interest in gender studies, you decided to take up a minor program too. 
It’s 8 am on a Monday and you’re enjoying your iced americano at Annie’s, your aunt’s café that she lets you run to help sustain your lifestyle. You monitor the daily operations, which means checking up on it everyday, and since class isn’t until nine, you always have your breakfast here. 
Your back is turned to the door and you’re packing up your stuff, laughing at something Woojin, your café manager, is saying. 
You stand up, swing your bag strap to your right shoulder and without paying attention, turn to your left to head out. Except instead of going for the door, you go for a body instead. The next thing you know, you’re massaging the right side of your forehead because holy crap this person has a knife for a chin, or a shoulder, or whichever part of the person’s body hit you. 
“Ow!”
“I. Am. So. Sorry,” the person says. His voice is low and raspy, sleepiness still evident in it, and he says those words as if each is a sentence on its own. “Are you alright?” 
By this time it has registered. You are looking up at the man who made your then-65 year old Grandma shriek. But that was last year and you bet if she were still alive now, she’d do the same, probably even louder. 
You could hear customers enjoying their morning coffee whisper quite loudly “Is that Jeon Jungkook?!” And then it registers again. Yep, it is.
Eyes wide, you tell him that “good thing I don’t have coffee or that pretty white shirt of yours would’ve been messed up.” 
Really, that’s what you say? 
God, you sound so stupid, so you bat your eyelashes and put on a smile, as if that would save you the embarrassment. He grins.
“Yeah, good thing you didn't,” he says, letting out a little laugh.
You smile again, a bit awkwardly though, just to acknowledge his appreciation of you not ruining his Monday morning. As you’re about to step to your left to go for the door this time, he furrows his eyebrows. “You look familiar. Have I seen you somewhere?” 
Well, you know where you’ve seen him, but you don't say that. Instead, you mumble “probably in your dreams?” Again, what? 
He laughs again, this time more loudly. You’re amused at the child-like tone of his laugh, a complete contradiction to his toned body and tattooed arm. Your eyes travel up. Right, that was his shoulder you hit, you realize.
This is such a turn-off. Why does he keep laughing at stupid things? 
“That sounded different in my head. It wasn't supposed to be a pick-up line if ever you thought so,” you clarify. 
“No I didn’t, but thanks for confirming,” he says. You notice him smirking.
“Well, that settles it, then. Bye!” You wave, and you go for the door, for real this time. 
It was an interesting way to start the week. You rarely have VIPs entering your café, especially in this quiet part of town, and so it’s quite a surprise to have him check it out. What’s even more surprising is seeing him there again the next day.
Your back isn’t to the door this time, but you’re zoned in on the paper you’re working on, eyes focusing on the laptop screen. It’s only when you momentarily look up and see Woojin preoccupied and seemingly distressed on the phone that you hear someone say, “excuse me” with his inked hand up that you realize your VIP is back. You stand up, approach him, and ask what he wants to order.
Jungkook’s face lights up. “Well, good morning, dream girl,” he greets. You flinch at the thought of what you said the day before implied. 
“Please don’t,” you plead, before exploding into laughter. “Not my best moment, eh?” 
He smiles again, shaking his head as if agreeing to what you just said.
“What do you want to order?” 
“So… Annie?” He diverts.
You aren’t sure if you’re happy that asking for your name means he won’t have to call you dream girl again, or embarrassed because now there would be a name to the face. 
“Annie’s my aunt, but I help run the place. It’s Y/N.”
“And I’m Jungkook,” he says, putting out his hand, as if you don't know who he is, which actually impresses you. You’ve heard of famous people's tendencies to act like everyone knows them, making them forego the courtesy of introducing themselves properly. You shake his hand, a little calloused but soft nonetheless. “This is Sejin. He told me about this place and how good it is,” he continues.
“Which is why you’re here for the second day this week?” you ask, fishing for some feedback on your food. 
“I wanted to get back at the girl who would’ve spilled coffee on my shirt yesterday. Turns out this place has some great food as well,” he says, a smile creeping onto his face. You aren’t quite sure what to make of this. 
You insist on their orders, suggest your bestsellers, and turn it over to the kitchen. As you’re about to head back to your seat, he says, “I remember where I know you from!” You look at him, curious. 
“You’re Jieun’s cousin! She always posts about you,” he excitedly claims. 
You nod. Of course, Jieun. You could’ve figured that out and told him yesterday instead of the dream girl thing. 
“Right. Jieun,” you start. “She sucks up to me like that to convince me to visit her in L.A.,” you explain. You try to keep your voice steady. You don’t want to give the impression that having this conversation with him is already the most interesting part of your week, even if it is. Who gets to say that Jeon Jungkook recognizes their face anyway?
“You don’t like L.A.?” He asks curiously.
“It’s just not my cup of tea,” you respond, angling your body to move towards your table, but facing him still. You’re glad that the morning rush has ended and there aren’t many people in the cafe who minds enough that you’re talking to Jeon Jungkook. 
“Then what is?” he asks, arms crossed against his chest, looking genuinely curious. 
You let out a laugh. “Jasmine, chamomile. Lemongrass on some days,” you say. “We’ve got good ones you should try,” you tease. 
You aren’t the type to spill things about you that easily, and he picks this one up. He nods and smiles. The only other thing he says to you before you leave is that the food is good, and that he’d “see you around.” 
Of course he would, because for the rest of the week, he kept going back, right around the same time as you’re there. This isn't new, of course. You have so many customers who come everyday at a particular time — right before school or work or just part of their daily routine. But he didn't fit the profile of a regular customer, but you also could admit it was nice to see a fresh face around. 
It’s Thursday of that week when he tells you “I have meetings and stuff in this area and your food’s really good,” after you give him a questioning look as to why he’s here again. And it’s the next day when he comes alone, orders jasmine tea for himself and for you, and asks for your number after you talk about Disney movies and the damsel in distress trope. And cats, and how much you hate them. 
~
You have your back lying on the couch for 10 minutes, debating on whether you should drive to his place and ask what’s going on, or stay home and settle on phone calls for the next 2 months that he’ll be gone for the tour, if he’ll even pick them up. Because you’ve tried—you’ve called and left messages, not to ask why he hasn't been texting or if anything’s wrong, but just to crack up jokes that are way funnier than his, or to talk about food. You know, normal things. 
You like how your texts never start with “good morning” and “what are you doing?” They’re usually along the lines of “some cat left a paw mark on my car, my day is ruined” or “I tripped in front of an old lady and she almost died laughing” or “what movie should I watch if I want to forget I have a shit load of work to do” or a picture of whatever food you ate that day. 
Things are never formal with you two. It’s always very casual that sometimes you forget that his “show’s about to go on, I’ll talk to you later” text means he’s just about to perform in a sold-out stadium in front of thousands of people in Japan or something — like it was no big deal. Or that his “hang on, someone will just talk to me” is really code for “I’ve got an interview,” which you know will be newsflash and then posted all over social media immediately after. You enjoy this bit because it feels so natural, neither of you feel like you have to impress the other. 
“Will you stop air fucking and pole dancing on the mic stand,” you’d say. 
“Stop talking to me and do your report already,” he’d say. 
“Seriously, why are your clothes 3 sizes bigger? How much food are you hiding in there?” You’d laugh over the phone. 
“Your sweatshirt looks like shit, can I have it?” he’d annoy you, and then proceed to take it home. 
You like making fun of each other as much as you like talking to each other. He’s easy to get along with and not pretentious; you’re comfortable to be around and not judgemental. He doesn’t have a problem telling you if you’re being too whiny; you don't mind calling him out for being too much of a perfectionist that he’s actually not being productive anymore. 
Jimin was right when he described you two as inseparable, long-distance buddies — whether it was a night out with friends or a night in doing papers, if it didn’t clash with his schedule, you were together. Even if it was a quick take out dinner at 11PM  after a long day of practicing, he’d be at your place.
Whenever he’s away on tour, he’d be constantly updating you about fan signs and the food and the weather; similarly, you’d update him on the café’s customer of the day or this new e-book you’d discovered or the weird dream you just had. You never feel any sort of pressure or expectation; neither of you feel too attached, despite the amount of time you spend together. 
Regardless of how your constant texting or hanging out when he was back in Seoul seems like to others, neither of you ever felt like you had to define what you two really are. That’s what you always think the reason is as to why it works — it just does because you don't feel like it has to go a specific direction. 
Despite all that, it still feels odd that he hasn’t been returning your calls or even updating you on how his day has been. The longest you’d gone without talking was 3 days, and that’s with a heads up. The next few months will be crazy for the band, what with the remaining shows of their tour. It isn't like him to just disappear from your life like this. 
“When was the last time you saw him?” your best friend Chaewon asks over the phone when you finally decide to call someone after finding out Jungkook’s leaving.
“He’s not lost, okay. He’s just not calling,” you correct her. “But last week, we went for a drive, he slept over, and that was it. He just…” you trail. You aren’t even sure how to describe what just happened. 
“Then why don’t you go over there?” She asks, almost as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. 
“I don't know, it might get messy. You know I’m not good with confrontations.”
“Just go, Y/N. He probably won’t be calling you after he’s left if he’d been dodging you like this.” 
Chae hangs up shortly after. You figure she probably doesn't want to hear another one of your excuses. You take your best friend’s advice and head for the door, get in your car, and take the 30-minute drive to his house.  
#
“I like to leave,” you tell him. You glance to your right where he sits at the passenger seat of your car then look back on the road. You and Jungkook had just spent dinner with your friends at Chaewon’s apartment and you told him you could drive him back to the dorm. 
He gives you a puzzling look. “Is that some sort of warning that I’ll wake up one day and you’ll just be… gone?” he asks, eyebrows scrunched up. You could see there’s a hint of concern on his face. 
“Oh, I meant I like taking trips,” you laugh, realizing the oddity of what you had just said, which was a response to Jaehyun, your other best friend, mentioning you being voted as ‘most likely to evaporate into thin air’ in high school. 
“Some days I wake up and just feel like being someplace else. So I grab my backpack and my trusty map, get into my car, and head out. By myself. Somewhere,” you say, shrugging, like it’s the most natural thing that people do. 
You describe to him the places you’ve seen — the lakes and mountains and fields that many people don’t know about, how the sunsets are like from there, how the trees and flowers smell like, how otherworldly they look. 
Most of the time, when you’re plagued with fear or sadness or doubt, you just leave. It’s your quick fix, your Band-Aid. You could be gone for a day or over the weekend; sometimes you’d be out for a week and not even your best friends know where you are, just that you’re safe. 
“But why?” he asks. You think it was ironic since this is a guy who leaves for a living. 
“When I was younger, we had this class and the teacher asked us to draw an object that represents us. I didn't even have a clear idea of who I was, how could I find the right object to symbolize me? You’ve got to find yourself, that’s how you’ll know, she said. I asked her how. She told me to go look at a map,” you narrate, looking back at that moment when you stared at your teacher trying to figure out if she was kidding or not. 
“I guess you find yourself in places you don't know. Or you realize who you really are when things get chaotic and you go somewhere far. Or you pull yourself away from the crazy to take a breath and escape some things you’re not really ready to face…” you state. 
“I never knew exactly what she meant, but I figured they all made sense,” you continue, slowing down the car as you’re a block away from his place. “You’ll always find a reason to leave.”
“But does leaving solve any of your problems?” 
“Not always, but sometimes the problem is nothing that you leave behind. Sometimes the problem is you.” You’d thought about the times you came back and felt like a different person with a different perspective on things. 
You look at him smiling, and you realize he’s been looking at you the whole time. You pull on the brakes, ready to say your goodnight, but he isn’t quite finished.
“What’s your favorite thing about leaving?” 
There are so many things you love about it. You love how it means you have the freedom and capability to do anything you want. You love seeing new scenery, discovering places for the first time, meeting new people and learning their stories. It is such a human thing to want to leave, you think. You like everything about it, even the parts where you get completely lost or rained or snowed on because you weren’t prepared. 
“Coming home,” you say. 
He softens at this, a pleased look on his face. 
“It’s like you’re gone for awhile and you see things for the first time, but then you drive back and you start seeing the familiar things — the streetlights, the driveways, the parks, the cafes… And all those constant things, they’re still there even when you leave, like they’re just waiting for you to come back.” 
“You should know that. You’re always jetting off somewhere new,” you say. 
“I leave because I have to. It’s part of the job.”
~
That conversation is ringing in your head the whole car ride to Jungkook’s house. Your knack for driving off is one of those things you never really share with anyone apart from your best friends. You never liked the thought of having to explain yourself to people, especially those you haven’t known for long, but with Jungkook, it never felt like you had to explain anything; you were always just sharing pieces of yourself that you knew he appreciated, that he somehow understood. 
You pull up behind the black SUV parked in front of his place; the same SUV that you know his driver uses to take him to the airport. You turn off the engine and go through the half opened gate, up the steps and through the door. 
You greet one of the members of his security team as she heads out the door and your eyes immediately turn to the two black duffel bags lying on the floor. They’re plump and full of things. You imagine all his black hoodies and sweatpants and leather jackets. You picture the bucket hats all neatly folded and his favorite Balenciaga sneakers tucked in somewhere. It feels weird, standing here at his foyer and just waiting for something to happen. 
You hear steps skipping down the stairs and his voice, assuring “I’ll call you when I get there” to someone on the phone. 
He’s looking down on it, texting someone who isn’t you. He does a double take, probably not expecting to see you standing by his door with a sad and confused look on your face. 
You’re fidgety and you feel nervous. You never liked confrontations, even if you were convincing yourself that is not why you came here in the first place. You just want to see how he was doing, maybe ask what he’s been up to, wish him luck on the shows and that you’d see him when he gets back in two months. 
“Y/N…” he starts. “I wasn't expecting you to be here.”
“Why, because you didn’t expect me to know you were leaving because you didn't tell me?” You say too quickly, resolve dissipating, tone and voice betraying you.
He looks taken aback. “Does it matter that I didn’t?” He says defensively, pulling up his duffel bags on a chair and seemingly looking for something inside one of them. You know he’s just distracting himself so he wouldn't have to look at you. 
“You go home to your parents for three days and you ask to see me the day before, and now you leave for North America for two months and suddenly it doesn't matter that you don’t tell me?” Your voice is getting louder and you immediately wish you hadn’t come here at all. It seems like he doesn’t want you to be here just the same. 
“You didn't even bother returning my calls or texts. And now you’re leaving. Your first show isn’t even until a week from now,” you say, crossing your arms. “What’s the rush?”
“I have a meeting with a producer,” he responds.
“That you couldn’t do during your free days there?” You snap back. You know this, you know they’re given some free time and he could’ve easily slipped that in there.
He sighs, knowing he can’t get out of this one. “I just want to be away from here, that’s all,” he says, glancing at you and then back at his bags. 
“You mean away from me?” 
He continues shuffling things in his duffel. He doesn’t even respond. You know it. He’s leaving because he wants to be away from you. 
“What’s going on, Jungkook? One day we’re laughing our butts off until we fall asleep and the next you just… not call at all.”
“I just didn't feel like it, I guess,” he says, zipping one of the bags and adjusting its strap.
This infuriates you.
“Well that’s nice. It seemed like you always felt like coming over with dinner, keeping me company while I worked, convincing me to go out for drinks, meeting me at the café for breakfast but then all of a sudden you don’t feel like calling?” You bite back.
He’s silent for a while, as if finding the right words to say. 
“You know what else is nice?” he starts, looking at you. “Calling me to come over on Friday nights when you don't feel like being out, asking me to stay the night and having me sleep next to you, kissing me and then telling me that ‘this feels nice and comfortable and fun’ and that I really am a great friend’.” His tone is angry, frustrated, desperate.
You feel your jaw drop open even if it’s closed. You did not see this coming at all. You always felt like you two were on the same page, that you like each other’s company so much that you prefer staying in on Fridays watching movies or National Geographic. You thought you both understand that sleeping next to each other only means you want to talk and laugh until you fall asleep, which is what happens all the time. You kiss then, which you treat like a goodbye because you don’t know if he’ll be there when you wake up. 
“I never thought of you as the selfish and unfair type, but I guess there’s just too many layers of you that it takes time before this side of you comes out.” He swings both his bags to his right shoulder, hinting that he’s ready to leave, that he’s ready to leave things like this. 
He starts walking towards the door. “They weren’t kidding when they said everything you touch turns into a mess.”
Your eyes widen in shock. “What the fuck, Jeon,” is all you could say. You’d never seen him this upset. Worse, you’d never seen him this upset at you.
“So what, I turned us into this big mess and you leave just like that? Like it’s not even worth talking to me about whatever it is you’re feeling?” you ask, following his movements. He’s halfway out the door by this time. 
You follow him out, overtake him and make sure he could see your face. “Leaving doesn't always solve problems.”
“Well, Y/N, sometimes it does. Because sometimes you’re not the problem, it’s what you leave behind.”
You look at his face, trying to find pieces of him you thought you’d figured out. He turns away, not wanting to see you like this. You see him soften a little bit, like he didn't mean for things to turn out this way, but you know he isn’t going to let up. You have so many questions running through your mind. What did this all mean? What’s going to happen now? 
“It’s sad how when someone you care about tells you exactly what you are to them, you realize at that moment what they are to you, and it’s the complete opposite.” 
He turns to look at you this time, his face screaming a kind of sadness you’d never seen before. You’d talked about him being homesick all these years when he’s out on tour. He’d shared how the gossip and his negative image have affected him and his relationships. He’d talked about how difficult it was holding onto things and people that were real, but none of those moments could compare to this one and to this look he has on right now that lets you know he’s upset and it has everything to do with you. 
You’re the one he’s leaving behind. You’re the mess he wants to get away from. You’re probably the last person he wants to see before flying out because you’re the problem he doesn't want to deal with. 
“Jungkook…” you start, although you have absolutely no idea what you want to say. You look at him, eyes pleading for something, anything. 
“I have to go,” is all he says. He turns around, clutching his bags over his shoulders, and walks away.
No ‘see you around’ or ‘I’ll call you soon’ like always. It was just ‘I have to go,’ like it was the period to the past months you two have been hanging out. ‘I have to go,’ like ‘leaving you is this need I have to fulfill.’ ‘I have to go,’ like, ‘this is it.’ 
You watch him walk out the gate. You watch the car drive away. There’s always something poetic about watching someone leave. You’d been used to that growing up. Your parents were always leaving, saving lives in places that needed saving, but you always knew they’d still be thinking about you and missing you while they were away. 
But with Jungkook, it was different. You hadn’t quite gotten used to him leaving all the time, and right now, you aren’t sure he’d be thinking about you or missing you while he was gone. 
‘I have to go,’ he said. Like, ‘I’m leaving. I don't want to stick around. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be with you.’
#
Things don’t feel real. You’ve been driving for 30 minutes, unsure where to go, reeling over the conversation you just had with Jungkook, if you could even call it that. It’s like he just dropped a bomb on you that you didn't know he’d had all this time. 
There was so much frustration and sadness on his face that morning and you couldn't get the image out of your head. What have you done? You kept asking yourself. 
But you reason that none of this is your fault. You thought everything was clear between the both of you. Sure, you never really talked about it, but if he was really feeling differently about you, then why didn't he just say something? 
“I’m heading out,” you say to Jaehyun over the phone. He’s always the first person you call when you feel like driving off.
“I’m guessing the talk with Jungkook didn't turn out well?” he asks. 
You don’t respond. You don’t really want to say anything to your friends about all this until you’ve figured things out. 
“Chae told me,” he says, interrupting the silence. 
“Yeah, I figured,” you reply. Information is so fluid between the both of them.
“So where are you off to?” 
“I don't really know, just wherever,” you say, but you know exactly where you’re going. It will just take another hour until you get there.
“Alright, just be safe,” he says, before hanging up. 
You step on the gas and turn on the music. Anything is better than the silence that’s ringing in your ears right now. You hum to the tunes of Colde and LeeHi, praying to the heavens you won’t hear Jungkook’s voice on the next song. This is your ‘favorites’ playlist and he had sneakily included some of his band’s songs one day when you went out to the market to grab some fruits and he stayed at your place watching TV. 
About 60 minutes later, you reach the place. It’s en route to a town a couple of miles south of the city. It’s a turn to the corner, onto a dirt road and a path lined with shrubs and small trees. The entrance to the main beach is right off the highway about a mile away, but you’d discovered this entrance not long ago when you drove off on a Sunday, two days after your ex-boyfriend came knocking at your door months after he broke up with you. It was the first time you spoke since then, and it was also the first time he ever tried to explain himself to you. You remember that trip; it was 7 months ago and it was also the last time you’d been here. Somehow you just felt the pull of this place. 
You realize later on, as you sit on the shore watching the sky turn purple and orange, that you told Jungkook about this when you were here. 
You watched the sunset then just like today. It looked so beautiful and so you snapped a picture and sent it to him. He was in Japan at that time for an event. You’d told him you’d fallen asleep and were just listening to the waves crash on the shore — your favorite sound in the world, you’d said. When it was all over, you decided to call it a day. 
“I’m driving back now,” you’d told him. “Okay,” he responded, voice tired from the day he had. It was rare for you to talk to anyone when you were out. You felt like a part of home was tugging at you when you did. But Jungkook was away and you just wanted him to see what you were seeing. You felt it was a way for you to tell him that you were fine. He didn’t seem convinced when he’d left your apartment that Friday night after Jinyoung visited. The photo you sent of the sunset, and the next one of you lying on the sand, smiling, were enough to convince him that indeed you were. 
“Okay. Hold on to the feeling once you see the familiar,” he’d said. He knew you loved that feeling. He always said he imagined a smile creeping from the left side of your mouth when you realized you were nearing home.
“You’re familiar, Jeon,” you’d told him.  
You liked the idea, that you saw him as something familiar. You’d only known each other then for a few months but you’d talked as if it had been years. He was away but he still felt constant. 
“So are you, Y/L/N,” he replied. 
You were thinking about this, about him, as the dust settled and the sky’s now a pretty dark blue with tiny hints of burnt orange. The waves still sound majestic, truly something you can never get tired of. You feel the cold autumn air tingle your insides. You close your eyes and breathe in to try to immerse yourself in your surroundings, hoping against hope that something will click and things will make sense.
You’d spent the whole afternoon here yet you feel like nothing’s changed. He is on the plane to California and you’re still confused. You still have the same questions from last week, from this morning. He’s still your constant; you just aren’t sure if you’re still his. 
Leaving doesn't always solve problems, you told yourself. You just wished you’d told him one more time. Maybe he would’ve stayed. 
#
“We’re having Spanish,” Chaewon says as you enter her apartment. “And you’re late.” She continues, turning to you with slices of apples and oranges in her hands. You could hear the laughter and the cheers from the living room. Nobody’s minding you because a soccer game is on. 
You envy their energy — why you agreed to continue to help run the cafe even with a full-time job, you don’t know, but it’s starting to take  its toll on you and all you want to do is sleep. Jungkook and the guys will soon be in full preparation mode for the start of the tour and  your superstar friend, who had now also claimed your own friends, wanted to have dinner with everyone before things got too busy.
“You cooked?” you ask, returning your gaze to her after looking out on who is already here.
“Nope. Take-out. But the Sangria is homemade.” 
“Take-out?” you repeat, excitedly,  making your way to the table to check on the food. 
“Jungkook wanted Spanish and take-out,” Chaewon confirms, as laughter roars from the living room. 
You walk over to check on everybody else who all acknowledge your presence with air fist bumps. 
“So you’ve moved past Chinese and Japanese take-out and have gone for Spanish now, huh, Jeon?” you question. He gives you his signature bunny smile from his seat on the floor. He does that quite often when he’s showing off or after he’s done something nice. 
“Hey, it’s a classy place and I get a discount. And, Chae sounded tired when I called so I took it upon myself to save dinner,” he proudly declares, standing up and motioning towards you. How cocky, you think, but you return his pinch on your cheek with a pinch on his nose.
Dinner is as fun as dinner with your friends always goes, but your hectic schedule that day made you extremely tired. After moving to the couch and a glass of Sangria later, you feel your head spinning and rest it on Jungkook’s shoulder. He notices your tired face, nudges at you and says he’s going to take you home. “Thanks, Jeon,” you murmur under your breath. “I promise I won’t puke.”
It takes a few glasses of water and a handful of profiteroles to get you sobered up and ready to head out. He helps you get in his car and you retreat to a semi-fetus position until the next corner. 
“You’re really tired, aren’t you? You’re never this quiet during a car ride. Even when you’re drunk you won’t stop talking… or singing,” he teases. “Out of tune, I might add.” 
You sit up from your sulking position. “Sometimes I just want to choke you, you know” you remark with a serious face. 
“Do you want to feel the wrath of my women?” he questions, winking, referring to his army of fans who are protective of him, and for good reason. 
“They’d probably want to do the same, only in a sexual way.” At this he laughs, shaking his head as if to say you’d done it again, teased him like this and made his cheeks blush.
The ride is a quick one for a Thursday night. You feel you haven't made fun of him enough as he pulls the brakes in front of your apartment building and immediately steps out and walks to your side before you could even thank him and say goodbye. 
He opens the door and pulls you out like it’s routine, although you clearly remember he’d brought you home when you were drunk only twice, one of which was when he’d found you half-naked in your kitchen with a knife, ready to attack him. Since then, Jungkook had made sure to never let you be that drunk again, and always made it a point to feed you sweets so you’d stay awake. 
He’s successful though — you’re sober and awake tonight. You’re just really tired. 
You unlock your apartment door and he steps in with you, goes straight to your kitchen and makes you tea. He knows that chamomile makes you sleep well, and that’s exactly what he prepares.
“So comfortable in my place already, Jeon,” you say after realizing what he’s doing. He just knows in what cupboard your mug is kept, and in which box the chamomile is stored, and how much sugar you put, but then again, he did help you quite a bit organize your kitchenware. He opens a drawer to get aspirin - “Just in case,” he says. You watch him like he had done this many times before. 
A small smile forms on your lips. 
“Look, you’re tired and I convinced you to come tonight. If you don't sleep well, you’ll wake up in a bad mood and complain to me again that your neighbor’s cat is loitering on your steps… and then you’ll blame me.”
You laugh. For someone who deals with so many people everyday, it amazes you how well he remembers things about you like that.
“I was about to say how I like hanging out with you because you make me coffee or tea…”
“You’d do the same for me, Y/N, no matter how much you want to stop yourself from doing so.” He winks at you, tastes the tea, and places it on the counter. 
You sit on the chair and feel the aroma of the tea soothe you. He stands there watching you, pleased with what he’s done. “You good?” he asks, and you nod behind your mug.
You don’t need to be taken care of, you’d told him once. You don’t need someone to be looking out for you when you’re drunk and being clumsy, when you’re busy and not eating, when you’re injured and unable to walk properly, when you’re stressed and needed a break. 
“If you don’t want me here you could always just tell me, you know?” he’d said once. “I won’t take it personally. We’re good with each other that way.” 
But you never asked him to leave. In fact, you always wanted him to stay, always asked him to.
“Ready to call it a night?” he questions, after you put down your empty mug.
You look up at him. You could feel your eyes falling and your body aching for a warm shower and your sheets. It’s been a crazy week and it isn’t even over. You want to rest, but you also don't want to be alone.
“Can you stay?” you ask, biting your lip and trying hard to pull off your puppy eyes so he’d say yes. 
“Sure,” he says. He didn’t wait for an explanation. He didn’t need one. He just understood.
You give him a warm smile. 
“I know you love my couch, but I might forget in the morning you’re here and I might stab you for real this time,” you state. “The bed’s big enough for both of us and Chandler,” you offer, referring to your hedgehog stuffed toy that’s about half your size. 
“At least I get a blanket!” he claims.   
“Thanks, Jeon.” 
A soft smile appears on his face. “Anything for you, Y/N.”
~
By the time you decide to leave the beach, the sky has already settled in a midnight blue. The waves are crashing, and from across the water, you could see lights from the small town not so far away. You think about spending the night there, or driving someplace else and sleeping in your car until the next morning. But you decide to go home, even if you know you’ll just be thinking about him more if you do.
You turn on your engine, put the windows down, and listen to the wind. You think about this morning again. You’re still in denial that he’d said what he did and the implication that you probably led him on all these months. 
But you’re convincing yourself that he couldn't pin this on you — he was always calling, he was always texting, he always wanted to be with you after a busy week, he always made it up to you when he couldn’t come over, he always stayed when you asked him to. 
You two kissed, but it was a soft one, not ravenous or lust-filled. He didn't pull away and you didn’t try to deepen it. But he looked so good after their show and he was gonna be gone for the tour and the alcohol was talking and you let it. 
You kissed again after that. There was no drunken night to blame it on the second time, but it was raining when you woke up the next day and he looked so warm and comfortable sleeping on your bed that you just felt like you had to. But he kissed you back, softly still, and he didn't say anything. He didn't pull you in for another one after. 
If he really felt anything, then he should have. He should have grabbed you and told you he wanted more, that he was feeling differently, that things were changing. He should’ve done it then or any other time after that. He was always honest with you, but you didn't understand why he wasn't honest about this one, why he decided to just stop things and leave you hanging. 
Maybe you weren’t away long enough, because you didn't even realize that you were already home until you saw your neighbor’s white sedan parked in your street. You pull the brakes and park behind it, thinking you were probably absent-minded the entire ride back. 
There’s no warm feeling inside that you’re back. This wasn’t a trip that was meant to change anything or make you figure out how to fix things. All you thought about was that you miss him terribly, and maybe that’s what it was meant for, rub in your face that he’s gone. 
You drag yourself up the stairs and enter your place. It suddenly feels like he’s everywhere in your apartment. You’d moved in last year and not even your best friends or your mom had imprinted enough of themselves inside.
There’s the cup Jungkook bought for you after he broke one of your favorites. There’s this pack of granola bars in your pantry that he got so you wouldn't have to gobble up ice cream when you were hungry. There’s the spare toothbrush he started using after his first night in. There’s your sweatshirt that he returned, and his hoodie that he said he’d get back the next time he sees you. 
And there’s the counter where you both shared take-out dinners and homemade breakfast. And there’s your couch where you spent nights working while he watched TV on mute. And there’s your bed where he’d slept next to you a few times. 
“I shouldn't have watched all those stupid chick flicks when he wasn't talking to me,” you think out loud. Now you’re left with an apartment that has him everywhere. 
You’re  not even together. You’ve shared so much of yourself to each other but never ‘I like you’s’ nor ‘I love you’s,’ not even ‘I miss you’, but why does it feel like you’ve shared all that and more? Why this sudden feeling of emptiness after he told you he had to go and then  left just like that? 
Everything you touch turns into a mess, he told you. 
Your friends joke about it all the time. Your penchant for trying anything that remotely interests you doesn’t necessarily mean you’re good at it. Whether it’s decorating those Valentine’s cookies that Hyejin bakes, molding those vases during a pottery class you impulsively signed up for, or even making pajeon when Chae said you couldn’t fry anything other than your broken-yolk eggs, you just have the tendency to end up with final products that are nothing like what you intended. In look or substance, they’re just not that pretty. Jungkook always laughed along.
But he said it to you today like it burned him. As if to say, look at what you’ve done, I don’t want to be a part of this. 
#
“So uhm, are you just going to sit there and watch us or are you going to help?” Jungkook asks from the floor of your living room, paintbrush in one hand, goodie bag in another. 
Body sprawled on your sofa with legs hanging and kicking off the armrest, you look at him with a pout. “Jaehyun doesn’t want me to.” 
Jaehyun sighs from where he’s sat on the floor. “It’s not that I don’t want to, Y/N. It’s that I can’t afford to.”
You roll your eyes. “Yeah, whatever,” bitterness apparent in your voice. 
It’s a Sunday and your friends are at your apartment to help Jaehyun decorate the goodie bags he’ll be distributing to the kids at the orphanage that he volunteers at. Twice a year, he throws them a party that requires decorating giveaway bags that contain the books and sweets he’s bought with his own money. Jungkook ended up there because, well, by now you don’t question him anymore. They had a day-off and he said he was bored.
“Jaehyun’s being kind. Y/N’s just really shit at these things so he doesn’t let her touch these,” she says, holding up a bag where she’d painted a rainbow. 
“You got the color order wrong,” you shoot at her. She responds with scowl.
“Come on, Jae. Pretty please. I promise I won’t mess them up like last time,” you plead to Jaehyun. You know he has a soft spot for you.
“You said that the last time, too” Hyejin chides. 
“Wow thanks, guys. No one’ll even pretend to be on my side, huh,” you sit up and frown at everyone.
“Y/N, we are, like, most of the time.” You glare at your friend. “But I spent my money on these and the party is already next week and I really want the kids to feel hopeful and inspired, not scared, okay? And I want them to actually keep the goodie bags, not throw them away. It’s nothing personal, I promise.”
“Yeah yeah, whatever,” you wave your hand at them and give up. 
This is a usual occurrence. You know you’re useless with anything that involves the arts that’s why your only contribution every time you guys help Jaehuyn is your apartment as a venue. 
Jungkook arrived an hour earlier with a glimmer and excitement on his face when he saw what your friends were doing, like a little kid at a candy store. He wasted no time and got right down to business. God, those kids who will get his bags would never know they were holding a goldmine. 
“So what happened the last time?” Jungkook asks. 
“She tried to draw a bear but it ended up looking like that character from the monsters cartoon, you know, the one holding its eyes?” Hyejin recalls, laughing as she recalls the proud look on your face and the distressed one on Jaehyun’s. “She tried to remedy it but like, just no. It looked terrible.” 
“No kid would feel hopeful with that,” Chaewon adds.
“I really had to do quality checks of her work and I threw them all away cause they’d gone lumpy. She didn’t even mix the paint well,” Jaehyun continues.
“Yah! I think Jungkook got the message, okay?” You start chuckling, seeing Jungkook’s amused face and his effort to not laugh along at the thought of you being shut down for something you thought was a pretty thing you created. “I’ve accepted that art isn’t my forte.”
“So is cooking, baking, pottery, organizing, arranging…” You throw Chaewon a pillow, smack to her face like she deserves.
“But seriously. Trust her to score the final point of a championship game or write a 30-page report on housewifization and its subordination of women but if it isn’t sports or research, forget it. Everything she touches turns into a mess. RIP to all the cookies and goodie bags and vases that never saw the light of day,” Hyejin dramatically claims. “It’s kind of her thing.”
You shrug. It kind of is your thing. Your unartistic, unorganized, and mindless chaotic ass, for the life of you, just can’t get it together. Clothes and shoes all over the place, gifts wrapped in frayed gift wrappers, cooked food looking inedible… relationships that crash and burn because you couldn’t decide if you wanted to care or not, because you did whatever you felt like just cause you wanted to, because you got too close and didn’t know when to pull away… Yeah, definitely.
You turned to your friends who were all back to being immersed in what they were doing, proud look on their faces at the pieces that will definitely give joy and warmth to whoever will get them.
“I just mess things up, though. At least I don’t break them.”
~
You wake up to the sound of your phone ringing in your ears, surprising you so much you almost fall off where you were lying. 
“I’m outside,” Hyejin says on the other line. You get up and open the door.
She turns to you after seeing the blanket on your couch, realizing you had slept there instead of your bed. “Too much of Jungkook in your room, huh?” she says, looking sad, not realizing there was too much of him everywhere. You had just been too tired to go to your room when you got home, but you didn’t answer. 
She takes your silence as a yes and walks to your kitchen to take out the bread and coffee she bought, then heads out to your terrace while you wash up in the bathroom. 
You sit in front of her and eat your breakfast quietly while she watches you take small bites of your cheese bread. You tell her everything that’s happened the past 24 hours — from Jimin’s call to Jungkook’s out-of-left-field outburst. 
“I think I led him on,” you say, head thrown back on the chair, eyes closed.
“Uh, you think?” Hyejin claims. 
“How come none of you ever said anything?” you ask, looking at her. Jungkook didn't say anything; your friends didn’t say anything… Were you that naïve? That selfish? That stupid? 
“Well, it’s not like you’d listen anyway,” she starts. “You always just do what you want. Like, sure constantly talk to the guy giving you heart eyes every time you look at him, go date the guy whose family is in Australia and would most likely go back and leave you, sure spend time and flirt with the insanely hot and kind and funny pop star… like there are no consequences to these things,” she unapologetically says.
“Is that so bad?” you ask. 
You don’t want to sound defensive. You don’t have the energy to really argue with anyone. 
“Come on, Y/N. Don’t tell me you didn't see this coming. With how you two were, one of you was bound to fall for the other.”
“We allowed ourselves to get that close, Hyejin, to be… this. Whatever this is. Or was. It’s not like we ever talked about it, though.” 
She raises an eyebrow at you.
“But I just figured we were both mature enough to handle the consequences. I just don't understand why it has to be this screwed up.”
She looks at you as if she’s looking right to your soul. “It’s like you ask someone to play fire with you, and you don't mind if you get burnt. You don't mind if they get burnt, too. That’s what it’s like.” 
“Getting burned is part of it. Getting hurt is part of it. I know that, and I always get over it,” you say. 
“Yeah, but the thing is, you expect the same thing from the other person, too.” 
You don’t like how right she is about all this.
“When you get hurt, you just walk away because you expect it and you accept it and then that’s it, goodbye to everything that was good. Move on to the next relationship that may or may not work out,” she continues.
You cover your face with your arms, as if somehow that’s going to be enough to make up for everything you’ve done.
“But that’s precisely why you always live in the moment, you know? To hell with being careful, or obsessing over whether or not doing something will hurt you. When you feel it that moment, you do it. And you’re okay if it hurts you, or if it leaves you with the shorter end of the stick. You get back on your feet right after anyway.”.
The day at the quad when Jinyoung broke up with you comes to mind. You didn’t even fight for it, you normally don’t; you’d rather spend that time getting over something  and moving on. 
“But Jungkook isn’t like that, Y/N,” she says, breaking you out of your thoughts. “Don't you get it? He won’t tell you he feels differently. He won’t tell you and right then and there, realizing you don't feel the same way, just accept it and get over it.”
You look back to that last morning you had together, the tangled limbs, the morning kiss, watching him get ready, the words “stay a little longer” almost slipping past your lips like always, but instead saying that it was nice and comfortable and fun. He smiled then. 
“Thanks for doing that for me; you really are a great friend,” is what you said before he left. So you weren’t dreaming the crestfallen look you saw on his face. With furrowed brows he took his phone, multiple messages probably telling him to go back to the dorm, and then he was gone. 
Your eyes widen at the memory. That’s what he was referring to. You’d been too frustrated at him ignoring you that you didn’t even bother to think of what might’ve triggered it. 
Hyejin seems to pick this up. “So are you now realizing you’re an idiot?” 
You smack her arm and she winces, deservedly so. 
“Okay, fine. I may have been one but to ignore me like that and then just leave? He waited last minute to tell me what he was feeling and then he fucking left, leaving me here confused and hurt and in agony. That’s way worse than my quick and easy,” you exclaim. 
“Sometimes people will cover up the pain rather than just say they’re hurt. Some hearts are wired that way, Y/N. Not everyone does quick and easy. Not everyone gets to accept their own feelings, and upon realizing they’re not reciprocated, moves on right away like you do.” 
You let everything sink in.
“It was my second time at that beach yesterday, you know?” You start after a long silence.
“The first time was after Jinyoung had come over to explain himself. I was already over the break up; I left to get over his reason for it. But yesterday when I was down there, all I could think about was how much I miss Jungkook. Like, it was the only thing going through my head the entire time I was there. He was always leaving but I always knew that when he got back, he’d be knocking at my door again…” you trail. You know it isn't going to be the same this time around. 
“People have their own reasons for leaving, you always say that. You can never fault them for why they choose to. You leave because you want to figure yourself out. He left because he probably didn't want to deal with what he’s feeling for you.”
Feelings. You always made sure to keep yours in check, but Hyejin was right; you also always expected the same from him.
You look out on the city and get lost in your thoughts. People always thought of you as someone who had things figured out - you know what you want from life and from those who are part of it. You’d walked away from people and let them walk away from you when you knew it had to happen. But this whole deal with Jungkook feels like unfamiliar territory. 
If it were someone else, you probably would’ve just let it go, but you keep thinking about Jungkook and the way his dimples still surprise you every time he smiles and how his laugh is so childlike and infectious it annoys you and warms your heart at the same time. 
You can't get off your head how it feels to hear him say ‘good morning’ when you wake up and find his arm gently resting on your waist, your fingers always tempted to trace the ink decorating his own. 
You warm at the thought of how he manages to make you feel better when you’re tired, how he never makes you feel hopeless when you’re being angry at all the unjust things in the world, how he reminds you of all the good there is during the times you forget. 
You think of how you don’t want to lose all that.
“Feelings…” you say. You couldn’t get used to the idea that he has them for you. 
“Do you have them too?” Hyejin finally asks. 
You were so hung up on how the past week has been, that he ignored you, that he left, that you didn't even stop to think of why, and more importantly, what you feel for him.
“I don’t know.”
“I’ve never seen you like this with anyone, though.”
“It’s because I’ve never been like this with anyone.”
“Like what?”
“Cautious?” 
“You mean, spending so much time together, constantly talking, kissing, is you being cautious?” She’s asks, incredulous.
You shrug. “It was never anything more.”
“Then why do you do them?” She snaps back.
“Because I want to? I’m always ready for him to turn me down.” It does surprise you every time he says yes to your requests, to your calls, your kisses. “But he never does.”
“But you don’t ask for anything more?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t want to.” 
Hyejin groans. “You’re giving me a headache.” 
“What did I say?!” 
“How can you want all of that and none of it at the same time? Seriously, you guys are like, friends with benefits without the sex…”. 
You throw her a piece of bread, scandalized with what she just said. But you laugh at this. Your friends had joked about that before; even his band mates agreed. You were everything and nothing at the same time, stuck in the grey scale that neither of you were willing to admit. Or move away from. 
“I think you just wanted everything - you wanted company, you wanted him to stay the night, you wanted to kiss, you wanted him to hold you,  you wanted to talk… You wanted to be friends.” When Hyejin says it like that, you do seem like a fool.
“But you didn’t want what those actually implied or even required from you,” she continues. “Almost like there’s this line you’ve set for both of you that only you can see.”
You sigh in frustration. You know when you drew that line, when you’d warned yourself to never cross it, when you’d promised yourself to never want more.
“I guess I always knew what I really felt… I probably just denied it or didn't want it enough,” you think out loud.
“So what now?” She finally asks the painfully obvious question. “What will you do now?”
“Wallow in my self misery and remind myself everyday that I'm an idiot,” you answer back.
“Hmm. You’re too easy on yourself,” she says.
You smack her arm again, which earns you a laugh from her. “I’m kidding! But seriously, now that everything's a little clear, what are you going to do?”
“Make things even clearer?” You sigh. “I feel like such a mess, Hyej. And he’s the one who usually cheers me up when I feel like shit but I can’t ask that from him, now can I?” You say, your body now slumped in your chair, feeling like you’re back to square one.
“You can’t and you won’t.” She walks over to you to pull you up like a big baby. “You’ve got 2 months to figure your shit out before he comes back. Better start now,” she says, as she ushers you back inside.
#
There’s continuous knocking on the door, causing you to get up from your seat on your work desk and you readied yourself to fight whoever decided to disturb your busy Saturday morning. 
You open the door and are greeted with a loud bellow, your name being sung in opera-style by a certain doe-eyed boy. 
“Jeon Jungkook, what are you doing! You’re gonna wake the neighbors,” you shout, pulling him inside.
“Your closest neighbor is an old woman who’s hard of hearing. I think we’re good,” he smiles, eyes all innocent-looking.
“What are you doing here?” You ask. It’s one of those rare Saturday’s when the guys are afforded a full day off - no practice, no show, no filming. He always looked forward to days like this, which you expect he’d spend sleeping in or exercising or playing Overwatch. 
“Got a free day,” he gleams.
“I know but what are you doing here?” 
“You’ve been cranky and whiny this whole week. And you don’t respond to my memes,” he says, pouty lips making him look like a little kid that hasn’t been given much attention.
“I told you it’s work. I’m short on time to work on my reports since I got dragged to this week-long event. But I think my brain cells have dissipated; I can’t seem to construct simple sentences anymore,” you sigh, heading for your couch to sink into. “I’m sorry for not responding to your memes.”
“I’ll forgive you only if you come with me.” 
“To where?” Your brow quirks up, finally taking in his baggy pants and loose white polo and bucket hat. “And what look are you going for with this whole get up?” You question, not missing the mismatched pieces of clothing and shades perched on his hat. 
“Something unassuming. I asked Jin hyung for advice and raided Tae’s closet,” he shrugs. 
“So what do you say? Come with me. Take a break! You won’t get any more productive being cooped up in here. Plus, artists need to go out for inspiration and you don’t seem like you’re getting it here,” he says with a smug look. You smack his arm, knowing that last bit he only said to mock you.
But it’s the words you always say to him; now he’s just saying them right back to you. “I promise to buy you snacks,” he says, reaching out his hand to you and pushing you to your room to get dressed.
And that promise he keeps. He rented a simple car so his luxurious one wouldn’t catch attention. You take a drive out of the city, sing your lungs out in the car, and go store hopping. You find supermarkets and convenience stores and little shops to look for different kinds of snacks that you both try and make reviews of. Every pretty view you see has you stopping the car and admiring the scene. 
You inhale the fresh air, something you don’t get much in the city, and you appreciate this. You get back to your place, complain about your tummy aches, laugh until you fall asleep, tangled limbs and all, but not before telling him it was the most fun you’d had in a while and your brain feels rejuvenated enough to get the reports done in the next few days. 
He falls asleep with that smile, the proud one he’d have on when you show your appreciation for him. He does like getting praises, that much you know.
You wake up to his quiet snores, cheek squished on the pillow with a hand over your waist, like always. You know you have to wake him up soon, which you do with a soft kiss, like always too. You watch him smile into the kiss and return it, until he finally opens his eyes to look at you. 
“Get up, sleepyhead. They’ll be calling you over soon,” you say. 
You watch him ready himself from your bed, still drowning in that kiss with a lazy smile on your face. You want to tell him to stay a little longer, even if you’re the one pushing him to get ready. 
You always want to say that, whether it’s walking out the door at night or getting up from your bed in the morning. You always want to ask him to stay a little bit more but you never do, thankful for whatever time he could spare you, careful not to ask for more than what he could give.
Yesterday was good. You’d been drowning in work, and you’d blown off your friends this past week and you knew that Jungkook had a busy week as well. But yesterday felt nice. He’d given up his own free day to be with you and he willingly did so, knowing that you need it without you saying it out loud. 
You had fun during the drive, and even more so exploring the store aisles, figuring out which brand of shrimp cracker or chocolate milk to get, buying all of them anyway, and excitedly opening them, finishing it all up and proceeding to give your review like those YouTubers you both liked to watch. 
It always feels like this with him, but you had been so tired and drained that being with him yesterday just made you feel so happy. It showed with how you constantly leaned into him, how you rested your head on his shoulder as he was deciding on the size of banana milk he would buy, knowing he’d be resting his head on yours as a response. 
You were missing physical affection and he was always willing to give you that, and you liked that he never seemed to ask for more. You’d initiate and he’d return, you’d pull and he’d let you, no questions asked. It felt comfortable enough, you thought. You didn’t have to explain yourself or your actions. It just always seemed like a given. 
He’d said that he was dealing with a lot already as a pop star, that stuck with you and you knew from then on it was code for him not wanting to get into a relationship, and despite having being single for a little over a year already, you had too much going on in your life too that you didn’t really need any commitments at this point. You were on the same page, for sure.
It was nice and comfortable and fun, that’s what you tell him. You’re referring to the day you had, and what it’s like with him too, in general. You watch him pull his gray hoodie over his head. The black one, his favorite, you’d worn the night before, and you hug yourself to say you don’t want to return it yet. 
He chuckles, “Fine. I’ll get it back the next time I see you.” You like his scent, but you’d never say this to him too.
You stand up to head to the kitchen, feeling refreshed and ready to be productive for the rest of the week. You know it had so much to do with the previous day, as if the laughter and smiles you had made up for that entire week when you barely did either. You give him a quick hug. “Thanks for that, Jungkook. You really are  a great friend.”
His face falls a little bit, as he clutches onto his phone to check the multiple messages probably telling him to go back home. You don’t think much of it. When you turn back to him, he’s gone.
~
part 1 drabble <<>> part 2 drabble
series masterlist
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hqhunybuns · 4 years
Note
hiiii can u plz do a kuroo first time blowjob?? thanks i love your blog!!!!!
hi sorry i was too busy playing animal crossing but im back
First Time Head with Kuroo
It was a bad idea that popped into your head, a terribly devilish thought that you were sure would get you in trouble-- but it was worth a shot, wasn't it? 
You were the Nekoma volleyball team manager, and also the captain's girlfriend. What a wonderful world you live in; the team adored you, your boyfriend thought you were as sweet as sugar. The truth be told, you and Tetsurou had only gotten to first base the entirety of your eight month relationship. You were shy when it came to physical affection, and you had a bad habit of getting too nervous when your boyfriend's hands started wandering further than your shoulders. He was always the perfect gentleman when you had to stop due to your erratic heartbeat, and while you profusely apologized every time, he took it in stride and never pressured you to do anything you weren't comfortable with.
It wasn't that you didn't think he was attractive, it was quite the opposite. He was Adonis-- tall, lean muscle, abs, strong jaw line, hair that you wanted to run your hands through. He was too perfect and it intimidated you. Other than the physical limitations you had set, it was a great relationship. The two of you could talk for hours, joking and laughing. His personality fit yours, he didn't get upset at your sarcastic quips, he actually enjoyed then and retorted back with just as much sass.
"Y/n, what's the problem? Why do you look so nervous?" your friend Aimee asked once class had been released for lunch.
"Yeah, and you look really sweaty..." your other friend Sayori mentioned, motioning to your red face.
Fanning your face with your hands, you admitted, "I'm going to do the deed today, that's why I look like a hot mess."
The two girls grinned and squealed, gaining the attention of the few stragglers in the classroom. You hushed then quickly, hiding your head in your arms. "Guys, please! This is already a stressful day! I don't need you all screaming and making a big deal of it." you mumbled into your arms.
Someone patted your head and ruffled your hair. "You really must be nervous if you're scolding us instead of screaming too."
"You may be right, Sayori-chan, normally Y/n is the first one of us to scream about something exciting."
You lifted your head and glared at your friends while trying to hide your growing smile. Aimee grabbed your cheeks and squished them together while Sayori hoped with excitement, "You're finally growing up! You put on your big girl thong today!"
"Oh my God, please don't ever say that again!" you groaned, trying to push the brown haired girls hands away from your hurting cheeks.
Sayori stopped her jumping and put her hands on small hips. "But it's true, you're going to be be the first one of us to actually put one of those things in your mouth."
Aimee stopped her assault on your poor face and rebutted, "Hey! I almost did!"
"Yeah, but then you woke up from your dream and realized Morisuke wasn't actually there." you teased light heartily.
The three of you laughed and you finally stood from your desk, stepping out of the classroom with your two best friends. Your trio hiked up the steps to the roof, opening the door and scoping it out, making sure no one had claimed your lunch spot for themselves. The warn sun caressed your face and the breeze carried the scent of the freshly bloomed flowers with it, pollen included. It was a gorgeous day, barely any clouds in the sky and birds happily perched on the edge of the roof, singing songs in hopes of finding a mate.
Plopping down on one of the benches, you confessed, "I've never seen his... you know what in person, what if I hurt him?"
Sayori tied her red hair in a messy bun before responding. "I've given a hand job before, they're surprisingly durable; you're only going to hurt him if you bite him or something like that."
Before you could respond with a smart ass comment, the devil named Tetsurou texted you.
 Volleybitch (4) unread messages
Hey doll face (Ф∀Ф)
im bored Kenma wont stop playing fire emblem to talk to me
he keeps talking about defeating the death knight but idk who that is
we still on for tonight? you get to pick the movie as long as its good
 You rolled your eyes as you responded.
tell him to recruit lysithea and he can one shot him with her lol
yeah we're still on!! the fams gone for the weekend so we can actually use the big tv in the living room
 just promise to take a shower before we leave bc i dont want u sweating up my couch you stink
literally all the time
nasty sweaty man
Putting your phone away, you focused on your friends who were still more excited about your nights rendezvous than you were. It was true that you didn't want your boyfriend making your house smelling like a gym, but you didn't want to put your mouth on him when he was just running around getting sweaty. You had standards, and smelling and tasting sweat was not apart of those standards
"You ready to ditch this popsicle stand?" Kuroo asked, tossing his water bottle in his gym bag. His hair was slightly damp from the quick shower he had just had.
You rolled your eyes and replied sardonically, "With you? Never."
 "You're right, look at that eligible bachelor over there waiting to watch a shitty movie with you tonight." He walked over to you and flipped you, pointing at volleyball pole that was being put away. "That handsome man wants to take you to dinner, but he can only afford McDonalds. So sad, Y/n, you can only get something off of the dollar menu."
 You raised your eyebrows in fake consideration. "Perhaps, but he doesn't have any muscles, so it's a hard pass. Sorry, mister pole, but you're still single." 
Your tall boyfriend laughed and guided you towards the gym doors, his hand on your back. You bit back a blush when he rubbed your back slightly. You're about to give this man a blowjob and you wanna blush when he touches your back? You were hopeless.
Your tall boyfriend laughed and guided you towards the gym doors, his hand on your back. You bit back a blush when he rubbed your back slightly. You're about to give this man a blowjob and you wanna blush when he touches your back? You were hopeless.
"So what movie have you decided on? It better not be anything related to Minions or Legos, or I promise you I will cry." Tetsurou deadpanned.
Humming, you grinned. "It's a surprise."
The ten minute walk to your house felt like an hour. You and Kuroo talked about the tournament coming up, but all you think of was the fact that you were going to suck this hot man's cock. The thought made you blush and salivate. Ideally his shirt would be off, letting you see how his work out regime gave him a delicious torso. You wondered how big he was, how thick it would be; would he taste good, would he be shaved? What if he didn't want you to suck him off? Would he find it repulsive?
"Y/n? Hey, dollface, we're at your house, stop walking or you're going to end up at your neighbors front door," Tetsurou's voice brought you back from your daze.
"Oh, sorry, I was just thinking of a strategy for the team and I guess I got lost in thought." you chuckled nervously, forcing your blush to evade.
Unlocking the door and stepping inside, your heart officially started to race. How was this going to start? 
Right, start a movie! 
"I'll start a movie if you wanna go get us something to drink from the kitchen," you suggested as you made your way towards the living room.
You shut the blinds in fear your neighbors would end up looking into them and seeing your lewd actions and quickly double checked to see if you locked the front door. Call yourself paranoid, but you didn't need anything interrupting. 
Tetsurou returned with two glasses of water and a smirk. Once he placed the two glasses on the coffee table, he sink into the couch and gazed at the TV. "So, I see the decision is The Breakfast Club. Again."
"You know it's one of my favorite movies!" you argued, sitting beside him.
The movie started, and twenty minutes into the movie, it was time to start your plan. 
You took a deep breath, exhaling through your nose. With a shaky hand, you ran it down Tetsurou's arm idly, gaining his attention. You could see his eyebrows raise in question as he gazed at your fingers brushing against his bicep. You wet your lips and kissed his cheek, traveling to his mouth. 
This caught him completely off guard.
He didn't complain, though, shifting his body to make it more comfortable for the both of you. Feeling confident in yourself, your tongue brushed against his lips, asking permission to enter. He happily obliged, opening his mouth and letting your tongue graze his. His hands wandered to your shoulders, rubbing them as your tongues battled for dominance-- in the end, Tetsurou was victorious. 
Your lower stomach was getting hot, you could feel your panties begin to dampen with arousal. His hands trailed down your shoulders to your arms, rubbing them softly. Your hands went to his hair, running your fingers through the tresses. The black haired boy groaned in your mouth, making you clamp your thighs shut. Feeling a burst of confidence, you broke the kiss and climbed into his lap, shocking him.
His eyes were dark with lust as he panted, "This is a nice surprise."
"Hush, or I'll stop." you murmured, going back to his lips with newly found gusto.
You've never been this aroused, your panties were soaked and threatening to spill onto your inner thighs. You knew your face was flushed brightly, but kissing Kuroo and feeling him harden beneath you was making your brain numb. It buzzed with lust and you could only focus on how his hands moved to your sides and how they felt like hot fire, his finger tips leaving warmth.
Experimenting was never something you thought you'd do, but you swiveled your hips in his lap, earning a heartfelt groan from the man beneath you. Breaking the kiss once more, you gazed at him with glossy eyes. Remembering your research, you stepped off of his lap and kneeled in front of his sitting form, peering at him through your lashes.
You'd never seen Kuroo blush, but seeing you on your knees, flustered, hair tousled, and lips plump from kissing, you'd think he'd passed out. 
The tent in his shorts were impressive, no matter how baggy the shorts were. Licking your lips once more, your shaking hands tentatively rubbed up his thighs, nearing his growing cock. He stuttered and swallowed harshly. "What do you think you're doing, doll face?"
"I'm going to suck you off, Tetsurou," You swore you heard him groan. "Unless you have a problem with that?"
He shook his head. "Not at all."
Swallowing the sudden nerves, you helped him pull his shorts and underwear down, releasing his cock. Your eyes widened once you saw how impressive it was. Would that fit in your mouth? Licking your lips, you stuck your tongue out and grazed the head of his swollen member, enticing a hiss from your boyfriend.
"Fuck, Y/n..." he muttered, bringing one of his clenched fists to his mouth, biting it.
Gaining the confidence back you had originally, you popped the head into your mouth, sucking it lightly. Tetsurou stuttered out a moan, whispering your name. You went down his shaft a bit further, gripping one of his thighs for leverage. Kuroo was very vocal, giving you praises and groaning every time you sucked your cheeks in. Your other hand went to grip the rest of his cock that you couldn't fit into your sore mouth. He was girthy, your jaw was beginning to hurt from the unusual strain. You bobbed your head with more speed, glancing up at Tetsurou who had his head thrown back in pure bliss. Your neglected, throbbing sex was growing more aroused with slick, this boy was going to be the death of you. 
His hips started thrusting shallowly to meet your mouth, one of his hands going to your hair. His moans were becoming louder and the grip in your hair was growing tighter.
"That's it, Y/n, don't stop. God, who knew you had such a good mouth," he praised. 
Kuroo Tetsurou was coming undone before you and it was sexiest thing you've ever seen.
All because of you.
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heyitsyn · 4 years
Text
Forgive Me
a/n: this was a request and an angsty one
im so sad theyre banning tiktok!!! :(
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anon request:  okok haikyuu hcs part 2: oikawa’s the reader’s best friend because their moms were also best friends but they went to different kindergarten + elementary schools so imagine how excited they were to go to kitaichi together,, anyway reader is the manager (again) but also functions as a really skilled medic,, (oh yea they start dating in second year) anyway they hit third year and reader protects bb kags,, so they break up. fast forward and reader is now in another school (either in miyagi/tokyo)
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part 1.5
part 2
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requests open!!!
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oikawa torup in da house
so in this one,
yall are the iconic childhood friends
for the sake of this headcanon, hes an only child
so to explain
your mothers were actually college friends and became best friends and were so close that they decided to live next door to each other and have a child around the same time
also to mention, their husbands were also best friends and a few matchmaking rituals, they all got married
omg i want a friend to do this w me
it worked and they got pregnant and imagine their surprise when one was expecting a boy while the other was expecting a girl
they were already planning yall wedding before you were even born lmao
due to the closeness of your mothers, ofc yall would be best friends and you and oiks practically grew up w each other
every friday night was your night so sleepovers happened all the time
however, when yall were starting to go to school
you both ended up in different schools
dont ask me why ask your mom
oiks was throwing a tantrum and just crying bc you would be separated while you were just clinging on to him, thinking he would disappear
‘no! n/n-chan and me are going together! im not going if shes not!’
‘now, now, tooru, youre both going to be apart for only a few hours’
‘mommy i dont want to leave tooru-kun’
‘youll walk home together, baby’
i would cry too
so yall developed a routine that tooru would go to your school to pick you up and you guys would walk home together
again, explain to me how little 6 year olds are able to walk to and from school
he would always hold your hand to keep you beside him and you would swing your hands while humming a tune
‘ugh, i hate being so far away from you n/n-chan’
you sighed but gave him a bright grin
‘i do too. but we have to wait until we’re older so we can be together forever! mommy tells me that her and papa were not together for a long time but after school, they are now together forever. so once we finish school, i can be with you whenever i want!’
tooru nodded, a determined smile on his face
‘we’re going to be like mommy and papa. we will be together forever and we’ll have our own house and we’re going to die together!’
bls theyre like 6 and already practically thinking about marriage and they dont even know it
sometimes, if you both have leftover money, you would both go to a convenience store, Sakanoshita Market, and buy milk bread
‘mister, you dont have anymore?’
‘sorry, kid, now go on and have real dinner!’
you both lived in each other’s houses and sometimes, your parents would even wonder if they have a child bc you would disappear off to the oikawa’s house or the l/n’s
when he met iwa, ngl, you were jealous
even though you have the best friends rights due to being friends since day 1, you were still worried about being replaced
ofc oiks knew about that concern and kept you from being left out so he constantly dragged you to play with him and iwa
they developed an interest in volleyball and you wanted to hang out with them so you sometimes tossed the ball to tooru who would set it to iwa
whenever they wanted to do something else, you would always suggest going on an adventure
meaning going to the park
uwu kids are so cute
your little trio formed and soon, you three were the closest
despite going to different elementary schools, you still found ways to hang out together
however,
instead of you being jealous of being cast aside by oiks
it was him being worried that he was going to be replaced by iwa
it became apparent when iwa mentioned about going over to your house on friday to study something 
and tooru is petty so he was mad that you didnt invite him
there was no way he was going to let iwa take you from him bc he knew you first and he was the first one to announce his intention of getting married to you in the future
he was yours and you were his, plain and simple
he went to your house unannounced and used his key to enter the house
your mom peaked from the kitchen and greeted him
‘oh, hello, tooru-kun! y/n is upstairs studying’
he nodded and went up to your room where you were reading some notes while doing some homework
‘y/n-chan’
you looked up to him standing at your doorway
your eyes lit up and your cheeks flared to see him
bahahaha yes feelings
‘tooru-kun!’
his face crumpled up and he tackled you, hugging the life out of you tightly
‘y/n-chan! dont leave me! youre mine, not iwa-chans! im better than iwa-chan, okay?!’
ofc you were just confused but tooru was weird and youve learned to accept that over the years
‘tooru, we’ve been friends longer. i’ll always be yours and youre mine too so youre always going to be first’
he was all teary eyed when you said that and demanded cuddles and a movie after making him run all the way from iwa’s house
‘but i didnt ask you to, though’
‘you were still the reason i had to run so take responsibility!’
he might be a handful but he was oikawa tooru and you love him otherwise
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
as yall were settled and the beginning of e.t begins
baby oikawa was absolutely in love with that movie fite me
he asked you why you didnt invite him to study with iwa
you stopped and looked at him confusingly
‘tooru-kun, youre good at science aren’t you? iwa’s this 👌 close to failing just bc he mixes up solid, liquid, and gas’
this is a random fact that i made up so pls dont blast me about this !!!
oikawa stops then just doubles over laughing 
‘ohmygod! iwa-chan!’
yall know that arm wrestling video and his stage actor just yelling out iwa-chan? yes im imagining that
you looked at tooru weirdly
‘hm, laughing over your friend’s demise, okay’
needless to say, oiks called you during lunch and sounded like he was running and it was bc he was being chased by haji-kun after he made fun of him
���ugh y/n! why did you tell him that!’
‘i mean,,,, its pretty embarrassing’
now comes middle school!!!
!!!!
yall are finally able to be in the same middle school as your friends!!!
you were so excited and you wouldnt shut up about it bc youve been looking forward to the day that yall get to be together everyday
not that you didnt have friends in your old school,
you just preferred being with the guys since you werent into the girly things yourself
and you get to see tooru everyday since he was in your class
oiks and iwa immediately wanted to join the volleyball club and they were soon accepted so it was only normal for you to be in practice a lot
you didnt join a club since none really interested you so it was okay for you to go the gym and do your homework while they practice
there was no choice on staying either since you usually walked home with them since oiks lived next door and iwa hung out at either your place or his
the current manager of the team noticed your friendship and frequent appearances so she asked you to be the manager rather than just being there
you didnt really have a choice bc oiks agreed for you and excitedly told you that you were going to be with them for the next 3 years
‘everyone! thank you for the past 3 years!’
hehe i just died inside
tooru was so happy that you would be in volleyball bc that was two favorite things lumped into the best 3 hours of his life: volleyball and you
so thus started your managerial duties
you became friends with the team but was closer to the first years
you quite literally watched them grow into amazing volleyball players and you sometimes cried along with them when they either got hurt or lost
specifically during the shiratorizawa match
it was then that you were sure of your feelings for your best friend
as he wept in the locker room, you stayed by the door, unsure if you should go in or not
but the others have gone to the bus already and iwa wanted you to go and get oiks ready so they could leave
so, you entered the room and your heart dropped, not even noticing the nasty smell of sweat in the boys locker room
he was hunched over the bench, a towel over his head
sure, he was just a first year and he has more opportunities to win
but it was the first time oiks experienced such a loss
and that smug look that ushijima gave him as he sat on the floor
you saw the defeated look as you stood with the coach at the bench
rushing forward and kneeling in front of him, you hugged him tightly
he cried, both defeated and embarrassed, but he didnt let go
it was then that you vowed to be there for him whenever this happens
every loss, every defeat, youll be there
it was painful and you had a feeling that this crush on him would make it harder in the future but you didnt care
bc tooru looked the most beautiful when he smiled
by now, second year has started
youve obviously noticed that your now second year friends are working much harder
and they were gaining more popularity
bc this was the age where puberty starts hitting everyone and lets just say god decided to bless the volleyball team
it shouldnt have surprised you that they were going to be known in the school or prefecture bc they were talented and handsome
perfect recipe for a dream boy
what was only a confession every few weeks or so, turned into nearly a dozen in a WEEK
dw you got some too!!
as a manager, you knew it was going to be a hard job being the only female in a team full of boys
but you didnt expect it to be this bad
girls would corner you in every hallway, outside or inside, to either give you their love letters to oikawa or to threaten you to stay away from their grand king
lmao king okay
and dw, you told them to catch you outside by chipotle after school but they didnt show up
that nickname seemed to get into oikawa’s ego as he told you about his love for that term
as you three walked home, oikawa was telling you about this one girl who called him her king and he giggled at the thought
‘she told me that she wanted to be my princess! but i told her i was a king so she should settle for a prince like iwa-chan’
you laughed at iwa’s angry face
‘shittykawa why am i downgraded?! you think youve above me or something?!’
‘PRINCE IWA-CHAN! HAIL PRINCE IWA-CHAN!’
you howled causing iwa to glare at you
‘not you too y/n!’
you were laughing so hard that your face was red and it got worse when iwa gave you a noogie
but little do you know, oikawa was looking at you at the side, trying to gauge your reaction
you didnt seem to be bothered at the fact that some girl wanted him to be theirs
that was why he frequently told you about his confessions
tooru wanted to know if you still felt the same about him being always yours by telling you stories about the girls and if you were jealous or not
but you remained indifferent and just laughed along
however, you WERE jealous but you didnt show it
youre like ‘im a bad bih you cant kill me’
with all these much prettier girls and talented girls than you, you were sure he would find somebody else
as long as he was happy and smiling, you were going to be just fine
again, another PSA! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL NO MATTER WHAT BC YOU ARE THE KWEEN TO GRAND KING TOORU AND YOU RULE THE WORLD BC YOU ARE A BAD BIH AND YOU WILL NOT BE KILLED BY INSECURITIES!!
tooru was lowkey hurt about you blushing with iwa and not being bothered about the threat that was looming in the distance
so he practiced more, slightly regreting now that you were in the team
he was being an insecure little bean again and suddenly hes thinking that you and iwa seem to be interacting more (even though you werent) and he was being jealous and this caused him to be slightly more irritated
with all of his practicing, he ends up hurting himself more often like bruises and such
that worried you deeply bc he was practicing too much and pushing himself way too hard and you knew he would combust any moment now
this energy seeped into the others and theyve begun to be more intense during practice and you were sure they were wearing themselves out
youve expressed your concern to the coach about the bruises on their skin and their wincing at every movement
‘the solution to this, y/n-chan, is to study about this and be the medic that helps heal our soldiers’
with that request, youve started taking more trips to the library, staying up late reading medical articles, and buying pain relievants and medical tape
this was when you decided you wanted to be a sports therapist or an injury related profession in the future
so you were obviously prepared when you caught oiks practicing late again
you were actually stocking up some medical supplies when you were passing by the gym and found it still open with lights
he was practicing those damn service serves again and you were starting to get irritated when he didnt listen to you about not pushing himself too hard
‘tooru-kun, lets go home’
your voice resounded from the loud sounds of the balls hitting either the floor or wall
he gritted his teeth
‘i need to do this. i need to be strong enough to beat ushijima. i need-’
‘tooru-kun, let’s go home’
(reference)
but he didnt listen to you and spiked once more but he didnt land back on his feet
but on his knee
tooru made a sound of pain
your heart started beating really fast and you busted out your bag that had emergency supplies
tooru saw you kneeling beside him and for a second, the pain subsided and he was only focused on you
the way your stray hairs from your bun framed your face and the delicate eyes that were so focused on bunching up your kita jacket and using it to elevate the sprained knee
‘ice. i need ice’
you kept mumbling and was about to stand up but his hand flies to clutch your arm
‘y/n-chan, please dont leave me’
‘but its going to swell-’
‘i dont care. i need you right now so dont leave me alone’
you stared at each other, one slightly irritated while one was begging
‘i told you that you were going to hurt yourself if you push too far and look where you are’
‘but it hurts and i need affection to cool it down’
‘N O, tooru, what you need is proper treatment’
‘cuddles are considered treatment, you know’
‘we’re literally in the middle of the gym-’
‘i dont care’
he gave you those puppy eyes and you harshly looked away to the side
then you sighed before sitting down behind him and holding him in your arms
he was content with your affection and your familiar cherry blossom perfume engulfing his senses
his back was rested against your front uncomfortably while your arms were around his middle where his fingers played with your hands
it was silent for a moment except for his occasional hisses of pain but he decided this might be the time
at this point, he was hurt already so he doesnt care if youd reject him since the pain in his knee would cover the pain of his heart
hes like 14 what he poetic and deep for
‘ne, n/n-chan’
‘hm’
‘go out with me?’
your arms tensed and he squeezed his eyes shut, prepared for the rejection
‘only if you stop doing these late practices bc i want to have dates with you after school’
oml oikawa was so happy
like so happy that he just turns around excitedly and hugs you, competely forgeting about the pain in his knee
‘omg tooru your knee!’
‘ow! ugh!’
so thus began your relationship
anon, im very reluctant to make this fluff to angst
he stuck to his word of not going too far with his late practices and yall often had dates at the park, the convenience store, or just at home
ofc it wasnt everyday but it was close to it
everything was great in the world bc you had your best friend as your boyfriend and he made you so happy
during the summer, you began being an apprentice to your uncle’s clinic to further advance your knowledge in the medical field
that meant less time to spend with tooru which meant sulky tooru
this often caused arguments between you two since he always brought it up
‘n/n-chan, i miss you!’
‘i miss you too, tooru-kun. but i have to continue this so that i can be a better medic for the team!’
‘but i matter more than the team! n/n-chan!’
that was his problem. he thought that now you were dating, youd be revolving him 24/7 and he was everything you thought about
but you still had a life to live and prepare for
you sighed before sitting next to tooru on the floor
‘i finish at 2. then we can go get some milk bread and hike up that trail in time to see the sunset. sound good?’
that made him brighten up and you were dreading of repeating this same cycle again in a few days
but you actually liked this boy and even could say you love him despite his clingy and slightly obsessive personality
when your third year rolled around, oikawa was finally the captain of the team
you were now on the hunt of another manager to take over for next year but so far, its been hard
theyve all been fascinated by the boys, especially oikawa, making it a hard task
during the practice, you notice that tooru has been different
to the others, he was fine
but to this one student, kageyama tobio, he was cold
harsh, even
it wasnt like him to treat his kouhais like that so you were confused and obviously worried for a player on your team
you pulled him aside one day and you asked him what was going on
‘tooru, why are you being mean to kageyama?’
he just smiled, but it was much more different
like a whole different smile youve never seen
‘hes the first setter ive met who is an underclassman. im just trying to toughen him up and shape him to his potential’
but you crossed your arms, raising an eyebrow
‘by criticizing every single movement he makes like breathing? by constantly embarrassing him in front of the others? by isolating him from everyone else?’
his eyes twitched and his grin got wider as he gently held your hands
‘we’ll talk about this later, n/n-chan, kay? now, i need to get back to practice as captain and you can continue being the manager’
to be honest, you were kinda pissed
‘no, tooru. you need to stop-’
‘y/n? stop it. this is a stupid thing to argue about so drop it’
boi watch yo mouth
but you didnt push further to not make a scene so you went to kindaichi and gave him his bottle and a towel to kunimi
it was tense between you and oikawa for the next few days
the team could pick up on the weird energy but refused to say anything because hello you were their mom and oikawa was their captain
but iwa didnt care so he straight up asked yall as you were taking spiking notes
‘oi y/n, shittykawa, did you argue or something? its kinda tense in here’
the entire team froze and even the coach looked between you two
lmao i love the coach
‘hm, y/n-chan and i just disagreed on something, didn’t we, y/n-chan?’
oikawa turned and gave you a grin
to others, it wouldve looked real and so convincing
but to you, you knew it was fake
thinking back on it, you shouldve known that was the beginning of his new persona
whenever you pointed it out, he would deflect and you wouldnt stop until he told you what was going on resulting more fights bc he was not doing his vital share in this relationship: communicate
‘tooru, listen to me!’
‘no, y/n-chan. im busy so later’
then it became like that
‘later, y/n-chan’
‘after this spike’
soon after, it felt like you didnt even have a boyfriend anymore
even iwa was starting to notice something weird since oiks was doing this to him too
he was distant, focusing too much time on volleyball which took a toll on his health
and he was getting angrier at tobio for unknown reasons
but these reasons soon came to light when that unfortunate day came
you were waiting for oikawa to finish up his practice so you could also pack up the balls and go home
iwa was already packing up to leave so it was only you oikawa and tobio remaining in the gym
youve talked to kageyama about tooru before and you encouraged him to ask oiks how to serve bc he was really good at it
today he was asking again but you already knew that he was going to refuse him like he has before
but you didnt see this coming
you saw him start to raise his hand with this manic look in his eyes and your eyes widened, running full speed towards kageyama
nYOOM
we finna change this up so buckle up babes
instead of kageyama, you pushed him aside so you took the hit
the force and the intensity of the slap was equivalent to the ones he used to his serves causing you to fly to the floor
you were breathing heavy, tears threatening to fall from the throbbing pain on your face, yet you didnt move
then your head turned to look at kageyama before giving him a nod and a smile
‘g-go to iwaizumi, tobio. he’ll take you home, kay?’
he looked unsure, looking between you and oikawa but your long blink and small smile told him that you would be okay
he ran to the exit and disappeared from view
it was now just you and oikawa
on the other hand, he remained frozen
he didnt know if he should grovel on his knees or cry to forgive him
‘n/n-chan-’
‘dont’
in all the years youve known each other,
from the very beginning in your diapers,
youve never spoken to him in such anger, venom, and hurt
‘dont say another word to me. dont apologize to me. i did what a normal person would do and protect an innocent child from something he doesnt deserve. he was just a child, tooru’
you stood up, eyes still not meeting his, instead focusing on his taped fingers that used to hold your hands with such gentleness and touch you so softly
‘what happened to you, tooru?’
you whimpered, arms wrapping around yourself
he was lost
he didnt know what to do
he had his own tears falling and he stepped forward in instinct to go to your arms but you flinched and backed away
that caused him to sob before throwing himself on the floor in front of you
‘y/n, please. y/n forgive me. i didnt mean to! please, y/n!’
part of you wanted to think that he was just so stressed out for the incoming interhigh that he wasnt thinking straight
but you knew you were just making excuses
this relationship started falling apart the moment you started your third year and you were just trying to hold it together
it was like holding water on your palms yet ignoring the water that was spilling on the side
you can only ignore it for a short while until eventually, the water is not there anymore and youre suddenly asking yourself, ‘where did it go?’
and now youre asking yourself, where did you go wrong?
was it your fault?
‘tooru, for months, ive made excuses for you. many times ive tried to sort out our problems, yet you always made excuses to not talk about it. it takes two to dance in a relationship yet it feels like im just dragging you in circles. we’re going in circles, tooru!’
he looked up at you, slowly standing on his feet with hands hovering over your shoulders, afraid to touch you
‘i can make this right, y/n. forever, right? you promised me years ago that we’d be together forever! we would get married a-and live together and be like mom and papa, right?!’
you choked back a sob at his face
he looked like someone else
he wasnt your tooru
he was the oikawa tooru that held you as you tried to walk
the one that pulled you back up to bed when you rolled off
the one who purposely tripped himself during your first year when you slipped so that you wouldnt be embarrassed in front of everyone
this was a selfish, jealous, tooru
the same look he gave you when he found out that you were studying with iwa without him
‘you hated tobio because he was a good setter, right? you were jealous and scared that he would take your place? was that it, tooru?’
that was then he really realized that you were the only one who could read him like you were reading a book
a single glance and you knew right away
and you calling him out on it allowed him to figure out why he truly didnt like tobio
and it was embarrassing that you said it out loud
and when oikawa tooru was embarrassed or flustered, he deflects
and it usually ends up badly
‘jealous? dont make me laugh!’
he scoffed while you glared at him
‘then what was it, then tooru? why did you do that, huh? because by the way youre acting right now, youre nothing but a green-filled monster. man, you seriously their captain?’
‘shut up, y/n!’
his personality took a whole 360 and you stepped back, scared he would lash out again
‘you dont know anything! you dont know how its like to feel second place from that bastard ushijima. you dont know how its like to feel threatened that your own kouhai could possibly be better than you. you dont know how it feels like to not feel enough no matter how many hours you practice or serves you hit. you dont know anything, y/n-chan’
he hissed and you shook your head in disbelief
‘so to satisfy your own insecurities, you hurt and put down others just so you could feel better about yourself. that just proves you are no longer the tooru i know.’
‘well i dont need you, then!’
you were taken aback by his shouts, composure now broken
‘im not him anymore so you either take whats in front of you or leave!’
at his suggestion, you narrowed your eyes
‘dont make me say my choice because you already know what im going to say’
despite knowing youd say that, part of him still wanted you to at least stay
but he was hurt and he wanted to hurt you as much as you hurt him
‘then leave! i dont need a distraction in my life anymore! you no longer satisfy me! so go!’
the tears now fell and you opened your mouth to say something but you closed it, replacing it with a sob
you bit your lip to compose yourself and swallowed that lump on your throat
‘fine. we’re done, oikawa tooru. and im sorry if i was a distraction to you for the entire 15 years of life we spent together. i can assure you that you will no longer have to put up with me’
then you left
nyoom?
you tried not to think about it bc you were only 15 and you were young so this wouldnt be the last time youd feel love
but not only did you lose a boyfriend, but you lost your best friend
and this is when you realized that best friends are only meant to be best friends
nothing more, nothing less
your parents knew nothing of what transpired and blamed your bruise at running into something bc you didnt want to strain the friendship your mother and his had if they found out her son hit you
family dinners were awkward and your parents kept asking until theyve just figured out that you were fighting
for the rest of your lives
iwa didnt know either
you made kageyama swear to you that he wouldnt say anything and you were relieved that it wasnt his business to say anything to someone else anyways
it was a secret that remains between the three of you
all was known was that you and oikawa broke up and you acted like he wasnt even there
if you had a problem, you went to iwaizumi since he was the vice captain
other than that, you no longer interacted with oikawa
it was an obvious thing that you wouldnt go to seijoh and your families were confused, wondering what the heck happened
‘y/n? youve wanted to go with tooru to seijoh since you were younger so what changed?’
‘people change’
tooru changed
instead, you went to karasuno
it was a suggestion from the guy in the milk bread store after you expressed your dilemma of finding a high school
‘karasuno’s right up there, kid. it’s not that far of a walk, right?’
‘i guess youre right’
during your first day of high school, you were shutting the gate when you saw iwaizumi and oikawa by his door
iwaizumi raised a hand in greeting and you smiled at him before walking down the road
‘i still wont force you to tell me but just know, you either fix it or get over her’
iwaizumi cautions tooru who kept his eyes on your slowly getting smaller figure
‘but i cant fix it this time’
you disassociated yourself from volleyball for the rest of years until a good friend of yours, kiyoko, asked you to help her manage the boys
she asked you to just help her out during your last year and you agreed since shes done a lot of things for you over the years
‘we have a practice match with aoba johsai on tuesday so you think you can come then?’
you froze, not knowing what to say
but its been years and you no longer cared
besides, you still felt protective towards one of your former baby chicks kageyama and him being there with that guy worried you
so you agreed
on your way there, kageyama stuck close to you since you were the only one he trusted there
‘are you okay with this, y/n-san?’
you squeezed his arm with a smile
‘it’s okay, tobio. besides, iwa told me that kindaichi and kunimi are there and i miss them so’
the boys and you started unloading their bags and kiyoko asked you to go and fill their bottles in case
the gray-haired setter, you knew as sugawara koushi, accompanied you to carry them so you were filling them up as he held the container of empty bottles
‘the boys are going to be good, you know. and dont worry about kageyama. hes extremely talented and we could win easily’
you gave him a reassuring smile and he nodded
‘i have faith in our firs-’
‘y/n’
a voice from behind you made the hair on your arms stand and you saw him there
he was shocked to see you there bc last thing he knew from iwa, you no longer had anything to do with volleyball
but here you were, in his castle, with an unknown person beside you
suga noticed your tense form and placed the box on the floor
he put a hand on your shoulder and made you face him
‘you know him, y/n?’
but you only gave oikawa one more look
‘no. not anymore’
oikawa screamed
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yall that one last line is not relevant to the story but i put it there since someone pointed out that oikawa was always screaming and i thought that was a funny comment
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Here's the sad pining sasuke i wrote last night... it's not finished and who knows when/if i'll finish it. university AU, not edited and there's some naru//hina and sasuke//OC bc i couldn't think of a canon character that fit. The texting part is also weird bc i wrote it all very fast lol. i'm sharing bc why not *shrugs*
xxx
It hurts, to look at them.
Sasuke can’t help himself. Naruto is his best friend, after all, and he’s not yet so desperate that he’ll avoid him. It’s worse, somehow, that he can’t even dislike her.
She’s good for him, he thinks, when he’s feeling particularly self-deprecating. Her hair is dark and her skin pale as porcelain, and that’s where the similarities end between him and Hinata.
Sweet, and so patient with Naruto. Soft-spoken, but not a pushover. Impeccably dressed, always, no make-up needed to outshine any girl beside her. A picture perfect couple, that’s what they are. It wouldn’t be so bad if he didn’t have to watch it unfold from the front row.
How her shyness turned to surety, how her eyes would catch on Naruto and look away before, but now – now she looks at him like he belongs to her, soft smile on her plump lips.
Sasuke can’t even hate her, and he wishes he could.
It’s not her fault that Sasuke is the way he is. She doesn’t know, isn’t doing it on purpose. And yet, there’s a stab to Sasuke’s chest every time she takes his hand, every time Naruto tucks her silky hair behind her perfect ear.
Naruto will kiss her cheek and Sasuke will be looking, always looking. His face devoid of emotion, his voice carefully neutral. He can’t be mean to Naruto’s girlfriend, though he wishes he could. Maybe if Naruto got mad at him and pushed him away, Sasuke would be free to move on.
It’s more likely that Sasuke would apologize and do better, and he’d rather spare himself the embarrassment.
Sometimes he imagines that Hinata will find out, that she’ll start treating him with suspicion, watch his every move with her wide eyes. Feel threatened by him. But Sasuke is no threat. He’s tired and hurting, but he’s not a homewrecker. It would be a lot easier if Naruto didn’t keep nudging him in Sakura’s direction.
It’s not Sakura’s fault, either. She’s dreaming of something she can’t have, and the similarities make him sick to his stomach.
Sometimes he thinks he’ll date her, live the lie to the fullest. Give her what she wants, since he’s doomed anyway. He doubts he’d last long, though. If he had even the slightest bit of interest in women – but when he looks at her, there’s just no attraction. He’s not sure how no one’s noticed yet. It’s not like he’s that good of an actor. He thinks the only reason no one’s figured it out is because he’s so deep in the closet, and they’re all so heterosexual. Why would they suspect he’s gay? It suits them better if he isn’t.
“Oh, I didn’t realize it was that late already,” Sakura says beside him, breaking him out of his thoughts.
The bar is lively around them, but the music is at a bearable noise level. She’s looking at her phone, frowning. On the other side of the small table, Naruto pouts.
“It’s not late!” he objects, the beer in his glass sloshing around as he waves his hands around. “We just got here!”
“We’ve been here for three hours, I think,” Hinata says, leaning her cheek on his shoulder.
Sasuke wonders how she manages, the way he moves around so much. Perhaps her body is as soft as her voice, easily following him.
“I told you I have to get up early tomorrow.” Sakura sighs, irritated. She fishes her bag up from the floor, putting her phone inside it. “I really have to get going.”
“I’ll walk you to the station,” Sasuke offers. Not because he particularly wants to, but he’s not in the mood to subject himself to third-wheeling Naruto and Hinata. “I should get going, anyway.”
“What?” Naruto looks disappointed, more disappointed than when Sakura announced her departure. “I thought you were free tomorrow.”
Rolling his eyes, Sasuke swallows down the last of his drink.
“Doesn’t mean I want to stay up all night,” he counters with, easing out of the booth. “I still have to study.”
“You study too much,” Naruto mutters, giving Hinata a smile like an afterthought when she squeezes his arm.
“Maybe if you studied at all you wouldn’t need to panic before every exam,” Sakura nags at him, coming around the table to wait next to Sasuke. “Some of us care about our grades.”
“Nerds.” At least Naruto looks a little happier, and Sasuke hates to think that it’s because he thinks anything’s going to happen between him and Sakura. “Don’t get lost, you two!”
They say their goodbyes, and Sasuke tries to pretend he doesn’t notice how Sakura’s cheeks fill with color when they step outside the bar. She’s put a jacket on, but Sasuke’s fine in his sweater. It’s not cold enough that her blush can be blamed on the weather.
“Thanks for walking me,” she says, hefting her bag higher up her shoulder. She’d joined them straight from the library, researching her latest paper. “You didn’t have to.”
“It’s fine,” he tells her, hands tucked into his sleeves.
He doesn’t want to run the risk of her attempting to reach for his hand. As much as he dislikes her attention, it’s safer if she thinks he’s just playing hard to get. He won’t have to explain, then, why he hasn’t outright told her to give up. He should, he knows. But Naruto would just nudge him towards some other girl, would bother him about it until Sasuke started going on actual dates. It’s touching, how worried he is over Sasuke potentially being lonely.
Too bad Naruto himself is the cause of it.
“You’re not doing anything tomorrow, then?” Sakura asks, stepping aside as they meet a group of half-drunk businessmen. “I’m working until five…”
It would be so easy to invite her out. To suggest a movie, or trying out that new café near campus. To watch her eyes light up with hope, watch her mouth stretch into an excited smile.
“I really do need to study,” he says. “And I’m almost out of clean clothes.”
None of it is a lie, technically. He’s just not sure he’ll actually do either of those things tomorrow.
“Oh.”
She tries to hide her disappointment, and Sasuke is an expert by now at pretending he doesn’t notice. They walk the rest of the way in silence, waving a quick goodbye at the ticket gates as Sakura’s train is due to arrive in just two minutes. Sasuke buys a drink from a vending machine and takes small sips as he waits for his own, mindlessly scrolling through social media. He almost ignores the text Naruto sends.
> Wanna hang out tomorrow?
He contemplates it. On the one hand, yes, of course he wants to. On the other, having an entire day to himself has its appeal.
> I’ll be busy
> Ooh, with sakura?
The train arrives, and Sasuke snags a seat next to a couple too caught up with each other to pay attention to him.
> No
> Got studying and laundry to do
The reply is instant.
> That’s too boring!!! I’m coming over for lunch
> Whatever
He pockets his phone, and stares down at the bottle in his hands for the rest of the trip. It doesn’t help against the warmth rising in his chest. At least he doesn’t do this to Sakura – doesn’t invite himself into her space, ignorant of her feelings. It doesn’t make him feel better.
xxx
Sasuke doesn’t have a lot of friends. He’s got Naruto, and then there’s his small group of friends from high school. Naruto is the only one who still lives nearby. Rather, Sasuke had ended up staying in Konoha like him. It’s a big enough city that most of his classmates are strangers, although slightly less so in their second year. He stayed with his parents for his first year, but when one of his cousins moved abroad for work he took the opportunity to stay at her apartment instead. It’s closer to his university, and if he, potentially, wanted to bring a guy home then no one would know.
He doesn’t think his parents would mind, but there wouldn’t be any privacy. He relishes in it, and Naruto does, too.
“I should just move in with you,” Naruto groans, spread out on his couch. “You wouldn’t believe how annoying my mom was this morning.”
“I think I can believe it,” Sasuke tells him, cleaning up after their lunch. “And just to be clear, I’ve never said you’d be welcome to live here.”
“Stingy,” Naruto grumbles. “How long is your cousin gone, anyway?”
Shrugging, Sasuke dries off the counter just for something to do with his hands.
“A year at least. We’ll see. So it’s not like I’ll be living here forever.”
“But still!”
“Where would you even sleep?”
Naruto happily pats the couch. When Sasuke scowls at him, he simply grins.
“Come on,” Naruto says. “I want to watch a movie.”
“I wasn’t lying when I said I need to study.”
Still, he gives in too easily. Naruto lifts his legs to give him room, dumping them all over Sasuke’s lap once he sits down. It’s things like this that makes Sasuke’s heart refuse to give up. He leans his elbow on the back of the couch, cheekbone pressed to his closed fist. He doesn’t say anything when Naruto picks a drama at random, letting him comment on the plot as much as he wants. Watching movies with Naruto is certainly never quiet, and he winces as Naruto kicks his legs as he shouts his anger at the main character.
When the movie ends, Naruto doesn’t start a new one. Instead he chews on his bottom lip, playing with the remote. Sasuke considers getting up to use the toilet, maybe suggesting going to the corner store for snacks, but then Naruto clears his throat suspiciously.
“What?” he asks, irritated when Naruto takes his time.
“So, how are things going with Sakura?”
He resists the urge to pinch his nose. He still lets out a heavy breath, not quite a sigh but close enough that Naruto frowns.
“I mean,” Naruto continues, “you could just ask her out. She’s definitely going to say yes.”
Sasuke shifts, uncomfortable. Naruto’s legs are still on top of his. His socks have little frogs on them.
“I’ve told you I’m not really into the idea of a relationship right now.”
“Uh-huh.” Naruto rolls his eyes, pushing himself up and finally removing his legs, crossing them at the ankles instead. “Sounds like excuses to me.”
“Just drop it, Naruto.”
“But if you get together things will be so much easier,” Naruto insists, poking at his arm. “We can go on double dates, and stuff.”
Sending him a glare, Sasuke pulls a leg up to his chest. It won’t prevent Naruto if he decides to get comfy on his lap again, but it might make him think twice at least. Naruto’s only wearing shorts, and all that naked skin isn’t good for his heart. It’s definitely too cold for it, but Naruto’s never been one to care about the weather.
“We already go places together.”
“Yeah, but it’s not the same!”
Sasuke pinches his lips, looking away. If he’s not careful, those large blue eyes will convince him to cave in, and then he’ll find himself with a girlfriend. He does a lot for Naruto, but there are limits.
“I’m not going to ask her out,” he mutters, knowing it will only lead to more questioning.
Sure enough, Naruto makes a noise of protest.
“But you haven’t rejected her either!”
“She hasn’t asked me out either.”
“It’s obvious she likes you.”
“That’s her problem.”
Naruto kicks at his thigh, using his heel. He looks properly annoyed now, as if Sasuke is a petulant child, refusing to do what’s best for him.
“If you got over yourself for a minute, you’d realize what a catch she is!”
He doesn’t reply. Let Naruto think he’s just stubborn, or an asshole, or whatever. Let him think Sasuke’s just stringing her along, keeping her attention while refusing to commit. It’s better than the alternative.
“Leave it, Naruto,” he warns, getting up and moving to the kitchen. “We’re not talking about this.”
At least Naruto doesn’t follow him, though it doesn’t make much of a difference. The apartment is small, no wall separating the kitchen from the living room. He searches through his cabinets, locating a forgotten bag of wasabi peas. He throws them at Naruto’s head.
“Eat these and shut up,” he says.
To his relief, Naruto does as told.
xxx
He picks up the call from Karin half-distracted, mind still stuck on a question for tomorrow’s seminar. As usual, she doesn’t wait for him to say hi, making her wince with the volume of her voice.
“Do you have any idea how tiring it is to listen to Naruto whine about you?” she starts with, the background noise suggesting she’s outdoors. “Can’t you just tell him you’re gay and put me out of my misery.”
“No thanks.” He drops his pen on his desk, rubbing at his eyes. He regrets not going to the university library, at least then he wouldn’t have been able to pick up the call. “Was that all? I’m kind of busy.”
“You know, this is exactly why I moved away,” she continues, ignoring him. “I thought I could get away from all the high school-level drama. Just get yourself a boyfriend, and go on those stupid double dates my cousin is so desperately yearning for. How hard can it be?!”
He can feel a headache incoming, and he rubs his fingertips between his brows. Naruto had sulked for hours the day before, until Sasuke got sick of it and threw him out. It was definitely backhanded of him to call Karin and complain.
“If you really wanted to be left out of it, why are you calling me? That’s the opposite of not getting involved.”
“Because it’s really painful and I’m morally obligated as the only person with functional brain cells to tell you to move on. Juugo’s too nice to say it and Suigetsu would give you terrible advice and sit back and watch. I’m being nicer to you than you deserve.”
“By telling me to move on,” Sasuke deadpans, wondering why his parents couldn’t have settled down somewhere else.
“Well, someone has to do it! Clearly I’m the gay cousin in the family, so you’re screwed. Might as well get over it and get laid.”
“I really hate you sometimes, you know that?”
She huffs at him, traffic and broken conversations filtering through the phone. There’s the jingle of a shop’s door, and the noise cuts off.
“Your pining is just getting sad,” she eventually replies, distractedly. “Trust me, I know my cousin. He’s not worth it.”
Something unpleasant churns in Sasuke’s stomach. He wants to argue with her that he is worth it, but he doesn’t want to land himself in an hour-long lecture if he can help it. He rolls his neck, making a face. She’s got a point, but he doesn’t enjoy hearing it. His life would be a lot simpler if he could find someone who made him forget about Naruto. He’s just not sure it’s fair to expect someone to instantly replace a lifetime of friendship.
“I don’t think I should have to come out just because Naruto irritates you,” is what he says instead, leaning back in his chair. “What if my parents find out and disown me? You want to be responsible for that?”
“Sasuke,” she sighs, “your brother is literally gay and your parents love his boyfriend.”
“So?”
“Stop. Making. Excuses.”
He bites his cheek, holding back a denial. He’s not worried about his parents, he’s worried about Naruto’s reaction. That things will change between them. That he’ll think Sasuke has feelings for him, which would be correct but would also ruin absolutely everything.
“I’ll… consider it,” he concedes, after a long silence, during which Karin has finished buying whatever it was she needed.
“Really? Because I’m going to hold you to that.”
He sighs.
“Next time I’m not picking up when you call me.”
xxx
A few weeks pass, and not much changes. Naruto still takes up too much space in his head and life, Sakura continues to drop hints but refuses to make the first move, and Hinata is still as lovely as ever. She doesn’t seem to have much of a personality other than being Naruto’s girlfriend, but to be fair Sasuke hasn’t precisely paid attention or tried to get to know her. Naruto’s birthday is drawing closer, and he can’t bring himself to do anything to break the status quo before then.
He’s been considering it, though. It would be a relief to stop pretending. He can’t imagine himself finding a boyfriend, though, because where would he even meet someone? It’s too awkward to use a dating app, and he’s not precisely social. He doesn’t have any experience, either, if you don’t count those childish games they played sometimes when they were younger. And that one time Naruto kissed him by accident when they were twelve.
Because of this, he’s really not expecting it when one day in class, just as the lecture ends, his eyes fall on the messenger bag that the guy next to him has just finished packing. There’s a rainbow pin on it, and Sasuke blurts out his question before he can stop to think about it.
“Are you gay?”
He only lifts his eyes from the pin when the surprised silence stretches out a bit too long. Their eyes meet, and the other boy is staring at him like he’s not sure how to react.
“Uh,” he says eventually, fingers clenching around the bag’s strap. “I mean, yes? But if you’re thinking about the pin it’s just a regular rainbow…”
He trails off, and Sasuke feels his cheeks heat up a bit. He can’t believe he just asked, when he himself has gone to such lengths to make sure no one made such assumptions about him.
“Sorry,” he apologizes. “I shouldn’t have asked.”
“It’s fine.”
Maybe he should know the guy’s name, but he doesn’t. He’s pretty short, hair dyed a light brown and glasses perched on his nose. Cute, but Sasuke’s not sure he’s his type. He’s not sure he has a type, other than Naruto.
“Are you gay?” the guy asks him, eyebrows rising above the frame of his glasses.
Sasuke licks his lips. He could say no, but to what end?
“I am,” he forces out, breathing in a deep breath.
“Oh.” There’s red color blooming on the other boy’s face, his eyes flickering to the side for a moment. “I was kind of hoping, but, um… I mean, hoping sounds weird! Sorry, I just wasn’t expecting you to ask outright.”
When Sasuke stands up, he realizes he’s almost a head taller than him.
“I’m Sasuke,” he offers, clicking his laptop shut and slowly sliding it into his bag.
“I know. I mean! I’m Hiroshi. Nice to meet you.”
Sasuke nods, and awkwardly turns to leave. Hiroshi stops him with a hand to his arm, though, and Sasuke swallows nervously as the turns back. He’s not interested in Hiroshi, not really, but he’s never been asked out by a boy before and the novelty of the situation is getting to him.
“Do you, um, are you busy right now? We could have lunch?”
He weighs the pros and cons in his mind. As nervous as Hiroshi looks, there’s a determined glint in his eyes that sways Sasuke over.
“Okay,” he says, and just like that he’s doing what Karin told him to do.
He’s trying, at least.
xxx
Over the course of a week, including having coffee together and a visit to the aquarium, Sasuke learns a lot about Hiroshi. Or Hiro, as he likes his friends to call him. They don’t have too much in common, but they’re both gay and studying agricultural economics. Once Hiro gets over his initial shyness, Sasuke finds he’s got a great sense of humor and won’t hesitate to poke fun at him.
It’s a breath of relief, to spend time with someone who doesn’t know him from before. He didn’t realize how much he needed it – just being able to be himself, without constantly keeping himself in check.
He can’t fool himself to think it’s enough to replace Naruto, but maybe he doesn’t need to replace him. Maybe it’s enough that Hiro seems to like him. He doesn’t really think about it, when he invites Hiro over on a Saturday night, after they’d had dinner at a nice udon place.
“Oh, wow,” Hiro says as he steps into Sasuke’s apartment, making an impressed face. “Nice place.”
“It’s my cousin’s, so no need to sound so impressed.”
Hiro rolls his eyes, taking off his shoes and jacket and following Sasuke inside.
“Alright, I’ll try to keep it in,” he teases, sitting on the couch when Sasuke motions him towards it. “But it must be nice, to have your own place like this. The dorms are fine, but I can’t exactly bring guys there.”
Humming his agreement, Sasuke grabs two cans of soda from the fridge, handing one of them to Hiro when he sinks down on the couch next to him.
“Want to watch something?”
Hiro nods, and Sasuke brings the TV to life. He’s not expecting anything to happen – they’ve only known each other a week. He’s still coming to terms with having a friend other than Karin he can talk to like this, and she doesn’t really count since there was never the potential for anything to happen between them. Hiro is… potentially someone Sasuke could date. At least there’s nothing wrong with him, not yet, and Sasuke’s easing himself into the idea of getting to know him better.
He finds a movie at random, some sci-fi that doesn’t look terrible. The movie turns into background noise as they talk, Hiro’s eyes watching his face more than the screen. It’s nice, in a new, exhilarating way, to have a guy’s attention on him like this. He’s not sure what to do with it. When Hiro moves closer, knee touching Sasuke’s thigh, hand resting on the back of the couch and occasionally touching his neck, Sasuke can’t find it in him to move away.
It feels like a secret, shared between the two of them. He thinks of Naruto for a long moment, allows himself the pain lacing through his chest as he imagines light brown hair replaced with blond, dark eyes replaced with blue. Then, he pushes it away, tells himself he can have this. The emotions are only his own.
It’s all happening too fast when Hiro grows bold, leaning in to press their mouths together, but he doesn’t care. It’s no one’s business if he spends the evening on his couch with a boy in his lap, a boy who isn’t his best friend.
The pain is easier to swallow if he tells himself that he’s the only one hurt.
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