#i feel like we're so blessed to have gotten to see this story play out

[thequeenofcarvenstone]

Thinking about the parade episode and Eddie and Hen being a paramedic Team and how at the hospital she says "you did good out there" and he says "well war zones are kind of my thing" and how war and conflic have defined his life and how during conflict is the only time he's ever felt secure in himself and because of that he had embroiled himself in Conflict his whole life, internally or externally and how the reason he doesn't "panic" is because he's taught his body to be so used to such high levels of internal conflict through his repression that it's normal for him to run on high stress every moment of the day. And as soon as he starts to let himself examine that conflict and anger and internal war zone in season 3 it CRUMBLES. His body can't take it anymore, and it takes him years to figure out how to reregulate himself. And now we're getting to see him HAPPY and GOOFY and not just admitting that he has/had panic attacks but helping to guide someone else through one. He's come so far. SO FAR.

[goatcheesecak3]

How about Adam x reader who were dating before the trap, maybe got into a fight, but Adam lives because that’s definitely what happened and they find each other.

Also ur NSFW hcs were good so feel free to sprinkle some spice if you see fit :)

Lost and found

Adam Faulkner-Stanheight x gn!reader

Fic type: angst, fluff

Warnings: missing person, medically induced coma

A/n: hello!! Thank you for your request, it was such a cute idea!! There's no nsfw because I couldn't find a way for it to fit into this story, but while we're on the topic I just wanna give a message to anyone who saw my Adam nsfw hcs!! I originally posted the unfinished version by accident, but I've gone back and added more to them since! So make sure you're all caught up on those, in my very biased opinion they're extremely canon teehee :^) all can be found in my masterlist as usual

You and Adam had dated for two years before finally ending it about a month ago. The relationship was tumultuous to say the least, epic highs followed by epic lows. Being with Adam could be so wonderful at times, the way he kissed you like you were the only person in the world, the way he would have you folded in on yourself laughing. Your memory was filled with long nights spent talking and falling deeper and deeper in love. Adam was good with his words, which was a blessing and a curse- he could make your heart flutter just as easily as he could crush it. Arguments were frequent, and volatile, he always took things too far. Deciding that this was no way to live, with heavy hearts, the two of you called it quits.

You'd heard around from mutual acquaintances that he'd gotten into a pretty rough spot after the breakup, apparently he'd become some kind of stalker for hire? Like a private investigator but with absolutely no credentials or regard for his or anyone else's safety. It didn't exactly surprise you that he'd gone into a somewhat shady line of work, considering his lack of high school diploma there weren't really many options for him, you wished you could help, but you'd both agreed to keep your distance and move on.

One day however, you couldn't help but break the promise you'd made to yourself, and you asked about him. You'd run into his best friend, Scott at a video store, and despite all your restraint, the words tumbled out of your mouth:

"How's Adam been lately?"

"Pfft how should I know? I haven't spoken to that asshole since he totally bailed on my band photoshoot" Scott scoffed, rolling his eyes disinterestedly.

It wasn't like Adam to turn down paid work of any kind, so you decided to pry deeper,

"What do you mean? He just didn't show up?"

"Yeah, no call, no nothing. He hasn't spoken to anyone. Probably thinks he's too good for me and the guys now with his investigator bullshit, but lemme tell y-"

"Wait, he's actually doing that?! That's so dangerous, you don't think he's gotten himself into trouble do you?"

"I don't know, I got my own shit to worry about. Besides, no one bails on me and gets my sympathy. Scott Tibbs don't chase, baby." He said, all too loudly. You could practically see his ego bulging out of his head.

As you left the video store, the interaction played on your mind. After you and Adam had broken up, Scott was pretty much the only person in his life, and he didn't seem to give two hoots about Adam's wellbeing. Essentially, there wasn't a single person on earth who'd heard anything from Adam in the last week, and no one seemed to be trying to find him. You knew his family were estranged, and pretty much everyone else in his life were all acquaintances at best. If he was in trouble, it was up to you to help.

You headed to his apartment, just to see if he was home. Best case scenario he was, and you got some of your cds back, worst case.. well, you didn't wanna think about that.

You crept up the creaky mildewy staircase of his apartment complex until you reached his floor. Something in your gut felt wrong as you got closer to his door, something that you couldn't quite understand. It wasn't fear, it was overwhelming dread. You always thought there was a big difference between those two feelings; fear was wondering if something bad would happen, and dread was knowing in your heart that it would.

You knocked on his door and waited a beat. Nothing. For whatever reason, a voice in your head told you to try the door handle, and to your surprise, it was unlocked. Adam's apartment looked frozen in time, a half eaten bowl of mouldy noodles sat on his coffee table, an empty beer bottle next to it. Everything looked untouched. That was until your eyes made their way to the floor next to his closet- his camera. Smashed to pieces, and left strewn all over the floor. Your eyes darted up toward his redroom, which appeared to have been ransacked.

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. You repeated over and over in your head like a mantra.

Your first thought was that someone he'd been stalking had caught him, followed him home to destroy any damning evidence, then deal with Adam.

Panic set in at this moment, as you rushed through his apartment, desperately hoping he was just passed out somewhere.

"Adam?! Adam?!" You cried out, to no avail.

Of course, the second you had regained enough composure to remember to do so, you called the police and filed a missing person's report. The next few days were filled with police interviews, cutting out and sticking the few pictures of Adam you had onto missing person's posters and plastering them all over the city. You handed them out to anyone who would take them, you gave them to all the venues and corner shops that Adam often went to, and you hounded the police relentlessly.

Sure, Adam was your ex, but my god how you had loved him, how you still loved him. You were the only person in his life who loved him, and you refused to give up.

After 6 never ending days, your phone rang. It was a call from the police.

"We've found a young man fitting Adam's description on the outskirts of the city. He's currently in the hospital in a medically induced coma while the staff tend to his injuries. As he is unable to identify himself at this time, we would greatly appreciate it if you could come down and identify him for us" the voice from the phone said.

This was like music to your ears, you tried not to get your hopes up, but you just knew it was him. It had to be, you could feel it in your heart.

As you stood by the bed of the man, you fell to your knees and wept. He was far skinner, his skin pale and almost translucent, his hair tangled and dirty- but there was no doubt about it, that was your Adam.

"That's him! That's my baby! Oh my god, that's my Adam!" You sobbed, clutching into the police office for support. He looked happy for you.

...

After a few days, Adam woke up. He was by no means in good shape, but he was alert, he was safe, and he was asking for you. He'd had to speak to police before he could have any visitors, but they'd assured him that you had done a great deal to help them find him, and he was touched.

"I thought I was gonna die in that room.."

"You probably would have, if y/n hadn't tried to find you"

"No one else reported me?"

The cop shook his head solemnly.

"Damn... I gotta see her, i- I gotta thank her,  i-"

He rambled like this for a while, until he was assured that you were able to come visit him.

...

"Hey, sugar" Adam smiled cockily, despite how weak he was.

You approached the chair next to his bed and reached down to stroke his face lovingly.

"That didn't sound very ex boyfriend of you" You teased.

"Aw come onnnn, I nearly die and you still don't want me back?" He whined, giving you a playful pout.

You chuckled and kissed his forehead,

"I basically saved your life, don't get greedy"

Adam's eyes narrowed, and he looked uncertain, "wait.. are you saying you actually don't wanna get back together?"

You rolled your eyes and pinched his cheek,

"Of course not dummy, I just like watching you squirm"

Adam mustered all of his strength to lift his arms and place his hands on your cheeks, pulling your face towards his.

"You're such a bitch" he mumbled against your lips with a smile

"You're a bitch" you giggled back.

The playful teasing went on for a while, until you were sat in a love filled silence, just holding eachother's hands. Adam was the first to break the silence.

"I'm a changed man, you know, y/n"

"Huh?"

"While I was in that room, you were all I could think about. I kept thinking about all the times I hurt you and I knew I needed to make it right. I made a vow to myself that i was gonna get out of there, and I was gonna get you back... and I was gonna love you the way you deserve to be loved. I'm gonna do that, y/n. I'm gonna prove I deserve to be with you, even if it takes a lifetime... which it probably will now that you basically saved my life"

"Yeah, it's gonna be pretty difficult to level that playing field" you smiled jokingly.

"I mean it, y/n," Adam said, his voice serious, "I promise I'm going to devote the rest of my life to loving you, it's the least I could do".

And several happy years later, he's kept that promise.

[boygiwrites]

Harley D. Dixon 16

An amazing edit inspired by this story! (Cred to Cora_Line99) Harley D. Dixon's Pinterest Board! Harley D. Dixon's Playlist!

📖Chapter List.

Author's Note. This is the longest chapter yet! Just shy of 10,000 words!

For the first time in forever, we're blessed with a slow day.

The sun crests over the clouds in the early afternoon, glazing the Greene house and its golden paddocks in a soft, buttery glow. Slow once meant boring, but now it means peace. My Dad's awake now, albeit bed-bound, but he's more or less as healthy as a horse. I don't need to keep glancing at his pale form anymore, watching for disaster. Not having that threat of death lurking around the farm makes the air feel so much clearer. I can finally relax a little. I think everyone feels the same relief. There's one less problem ready to strike at us.

Maggie lets me use the guest bathroom to take a hot shower in the afternoon.

After helping me tape a scrap of plastic over my stitches to ensure they stay dry, she lends me some fruit-scented shampoo and body lotion, assuring me she'll be right downstairs if I need anything else. I luxuriate under the warm water for some time, suds-ing up my dirty blonde hair and scrubbing the dirt form underneath my fingernails. I feel my muscles let go of all my tension in real time. It's the best feelin' ever.

I tweak the water off and step out onto the green bath-mat, face to face with my reflection in the mirror.

Last time I got a proper look at myself, I was dying in the back of the RV. I look at myself again; at my healthy, clean complexion.

"Hey," A girly voice calls out gently from behind the door — Beth, I think. "I got you a spare shirt, if you want. Is white your color?"

I look down at myself. "I'm more of a beige color."

She laughs. "No, silly. I meant... never mind. I'll leave it here for you."

After her footsteps recede down the corridor, I fetch the shirt, close the door, and hold it up in front of me. It's a tight, white blouse with frills down the front of it, and two, tiny puff-ball sleeves that each look a little like a lily-of-the-valley flower. I peel the plastic off my side and pull the shirt on — almost a perfect fit, but a little loose — combined with my blue jean-shorts, socks, and yellow rain boots.

I clomp back downstairs and into Dad's room, where he's trying to read a book he found in the bedside drawer, but failing.

It must be a romance. He hates that sort of thing.

I ask him if he wants to do my hair instead, and he agrees to the distraction right away.

With the window wide open to the smells of sweet pollen and farm life, I sit between his legs as he brushes my hair. I'm just so glad he's alright. He gives me two neat braids, ties them off with my hair lackeys, and then I ask Maggie for a pair of scissors so Dad can trim my bangs up a little. She's hesitant at first, but I tell her that my Dad's been cuttin' my hair since, well, I had any hair to cut, and that he's actually not half-bad.

She lends me some kitchen scissors, and I happily thank her.

I make myself comfortable on the bed, on top of a towel to catch the clippings, and I snack on a red apple as Dad cleans up my out-grown, wonky bangs. He tells me he's rusty, but he does a good job. They'd gotten long in our weeks on the road, but they look much better now.

After my hair's done, I kiss his cheek goodbye and head outside.

I find Carl over by the shed. He's playing on the swing that hangs from the burly tree growing beside it in a ray of sunlight.

"Hey, Harley." He greets me, digging his heel in the dirt to slow down. "Want me to push you?"

I smile, "Yeah, okay."

We exchange places, and he gives me a gentle push.

I can see Rick over by the tents, talking to everyone. He's probably sharing the disappointing news that it really was Shane that shot my Dad, so that everyone's on the same page. We're not supposed to tell the Greenes about this discovery. We need to make a good impression, and having a trigger-happy murderer in our group ain't the best way to achieve that. It's better if they continue believing it was Otis that caused all this, otherwise we're gonna get booted to the streets again. I never wanna go back to living that way. We need this place, for Sophia.

I don't wanna talk about Shane, so I won't bring him up.

Nobody's told Carl about any of it, anyway.

"I didn't even know this swing was here." I say as I enjoy the breeze on my freshly washed skin. "This is just like the one I used to have."

"I never had a swing." He muses as he pushes me again. "I miss playgrounds."

"Betcha don't miss school, though."

"Eugh. No." He exclaims. "My Mom still makes me do homework sometimes. It sucks."

I remember doing all those spelling quizzes and math problems back at the quarry. I don't miss it one bit.

I ask him, "What grade was you in, before?"

What grade 'were' you in, Lori would correct me, not 'was'. It always annoyed me when she did that.

"Sixth." He answers. "What grade were you in?"

"I was in second grade."

"Second grade?!"

"Yeah. What grade did you think I was in?"

"I dunno. Five, maybe?"

"I'm eight." I giggle. "You're twelve. We can't be in the same grade."

"But we're friends." He counters. "I've never been friends with someone outside of my grade before."

"Well," I sing-song, "Now you have."

"Even my cousins were the same age as me."

"Mine were all older."

I haven't thought about my cousins in forever. They're all on my Momma's side, from her two brothers. There was Vicky and Tobias, the twins. They were super old. Like, fifteen. Then there was Hunter, and Lillian, and Georgia. I miss them the most. They always treated me nice.

I've never had friends or family younger than me before. I've always been the baby. Even here, that still hasn't changed.

As I'm gazing out onto the distant cornfields, swinging back and forth relaxingly, Maggie approaches us with a friendly wave.

"Hey, y'all." She smiles. "Havin' fun out here?"

We both notice her, and answer, yeah, at the same time.

"Who built this swing?" Carl asks her. "It's awesome."

"My Daddy built it, a long time ago," Maggie fondly says. "When I was just a little girl. Nice to see it gettin' some use, again."

"I reckon I could touch the sun." I hum to myself, looking at the sky.

She chuckles. "Don't go testing that theory. Your Dad would kill us all."

"You wanna play with us?"

"I actually wanted to ask you guys somethin'. I heard from Daryl just now that you found a walker in one'a our wells today?"

Oh, yeah. That ugly thing.

Carl corrects, "Technically, I found it."

I roll my eyes. "Don't be a smart-ass."

"Hey. That's a swear word."

"It's fine. My Daddy don't care 'bout swears."

"I was just wondering which well it was." Maggie interjects. "We've got quite a few around here, and I don't wanna search them all."

"Oh, it was the one near the barn." Carl says, pointing in that direction.

I ask her, "What are you gonna do with it?"

"I talked to Rick about it, and we reckon we're gonna try using a winch to pull it out. Can't have it dirtying up the water."

"What's a winch?"

"It's like a really long, metal rope you can attach to a car." She explains. "We've had ours for years, and luckily for us, it hasn't rusted."

I bring myself to a stop, widening my eyes. "Can we come watch?"

"Yeah!" Carl enthuses. "Can we?"

"Sure ya can. I don't see why not."

With a small cheer, we abandon the swing and follow Maggie across the field, rambling about all the gross stuff we think is gonna happen.

Everyone pitches in to help clear the well, except for Shane. He's off somewhere, brooding.

At first, we try dangling a chunk of canned ham over its head to see if that'll get its attention, but since canned ham don't bleed, kick, or scream when you bite into it, the walker doesn't want anything to do with it. We realize we'll need live bait, and for some reason, everyone's eyes fall onto Glenn. He thinks that's super unfair, but he is all better now, and he does have the fastest reflexes out of all of us.

"Have I mentioned that I really like your new haircut?" He smiles lopsidedly at me, thinking I'll save him. "Really suits your face."

"Don't worry about it." Rick reassures him. "You'll have four of us on the rope. We're gonna get you outta there in one piece."

"One living piece." He emphasizes. "The living part's important."

Dale drives over the car they're gonna use for the process, while Andrea retrieves a thick coil of rope, making Glenn go pale at the sight of it.

Rick and Jacqui start wrapping it around his body.

"We'll give you the winch." Rick says. "Just try wrappin' it around its neck."

He sighs in defeat, "Let's get this over with."

As soon as he's in the well, he's screaming bloody murder.

If not for the suspenseful atmosphere, it would be super funny. Me and Carl watch from the sidelines as Rick, Maggie, Andrea, and T-Dog work together to lower Glenn into the well with nothing more than a rope looped around his midriff to keep him from falling to his death. Dale sits in the driver's seat of Maggie's Subaru, waiting for the signal to start reversing. There's a mechanical lookin' thing attached to the bumper. It looks like a garden hose, but it's made of metal. It must be the winch. The end of it leads into the well.

"You people are crazy!" His disembodied, terrified voice shouts from below. "This is crazy!"

"We got you!" Andrea calls out.

Rick grunts, "Give us an eye, Maggie."

At the front of the line, Maggie peers in. "Doin' okay?"

"Can't believe I'm saying this," His wimpy voice echoes, "But I need to be lower."

"Lower." Maggie parrots.

They all shuffle forward a couple steps — a couple too many steps, apparently.

"Higher!" He shrieks. "Higher!"

The rope strains against the cobble as it's tugged again, backwards this time.

I chew my fingernail nervously.

"Can you get it around that thing?" T-Dog asks, sweating. "Sometime today, please?"

"Fuck you!"

Me and Carl exchange glances, biting down shocked giggles. This is the first time I've ever heard Glenn say, Fuck.

"How's that now, Glenn?"

He takes some time to answer, grunting, "Living the dream, thanks."

"Just get the winch around its neck." Rick coaches calmly, "Easy as pie. Then clip it onto itself, and it should secure."

We wait with bated breath as he wrangles the walker.

After about a minute, he calls out again.

"That's it! It's on! Pull me up! Pull me up!"

"Get him up!"

"Pull! Pull!"

"Come on!"

They wrestle with gravity to lift him back out the well, struggling in unison as Dale reverses. The winch immediately pulls taut. It creaks loudly, mixing with the sound of the engine and Glenn's panicked screaming to create the worst, most cacophonic song I ever head, and I've had to listen to my Dad's favorite music all my life. We cheer them on anxiously, watching closely in anticipation. The grass begins to split under their boots from the force. Just as the rope is about to give way, T-Dog gives one last powerful tug.

"That's it!" He says, "Come on, grab him!"

Glenn scrambles over the lip of the well, panicked, as me and Carl rush forward to help everyone pull him out.

"You okay?!" I ask him.

"God, get me out." He cringes. "Get me out."

As he lands on his ass, soaking wet from being splashed, the walker is next in line to be pulled from the depths.

It gets caught on the edge of the wall like a thousand-pound pinata.

"More force!" Rick orders.

Dale stomps on the gas, making the tyres squeal.

"Come on, you ugly thing." He goads. "Come on."

As the winch begins to cut into the walker's neck, the growling is hitched suddenly, replaced by choking.

Its eyeballs bulge under the pressure.

The engine revs once more, and Rick ushers us out the way. "Get back! Get back!"

All of a sudden, the well cracks and breaks apart around the walker's fat body as it's dragged out onto the grass. Rick's on it before I can even blink. He unsheathes his knife and sinks it into the mushy, water-logged skull with a satisfying squish. At last, the darn thing goes limp.

We all catch our breaths as he stands.

Dale turns off the engine.

"It's uglier in the sunlight." Carl muses, revolted.

No doubt about that. It's disgusting.

Eventually, Glenn deadpans a celebratory, "Anybody thirsty?"

There's a weak chorus of laughter amongst us.

I stand next to Dale and Glenn, watching as Rick and T-Dog drag the walker off the property.

"You know," Dale ponders aloud, "Did they ever mention how that thing fell down there in the first place?"

Mmm... Nope.

No, they didn't.

"This whole farm is fenced off." He continues, thoughtful. "How could a big thing like that just wonder in?"

"Maybe it's been there since before the fences." Glenn guesses. "They might've put them up after everything."

"No," Dale hums. "I was talking to Herschel about it yesterday... He said it was all built in the seventies and they do maintenance every month."

The walker is silently dumped on the ground.

All Dale muses is, "...Strange."

"And then it exploded!!"

My Dad's eyes widen.

"Just kiddin'," I giggle. "Rick stabbed it in the brain."

"I was gonna say." He scoffs. "Explodin' walkers? That'll be the day."

Dad missed out on the action of the well today, so I decided to recount the whole thing to him after. I left out the part about Glenn screaming like a baby goat, though, 'cause I think he'd appreciate that. He's already got enough humiliation for a lifetime with the whole jerky fiasco.

"You really believed me?" I grin, shaking my head. "Actually, I ain't surprised. If you believe in chupacabras, you'll believe anythin'."

He smirks, "Watch yer mouth, girl."

"Whatever." I keep giggling. "I gotta go now, Dad."

"See ya later, baby. Stay where people can see ya."

Carl uses the situation to convince Rick to let him carry a gun. I don't know why he wants one so bad, but he sure is stubborn.

"What if another walker gets in?" He needles. "I need to be able to protect myself."

"Under different circumstances, I'd consider it." Rick explains. "But for starters, I promised Herschel no firearms on his property."

"But—"

"I've also been reassured that this was a one-time thing, Carl. Nothing else is getting onto this farm anytime soon. You don't need to worry."

"I'm not worrying." He argues. "I'm just tryna be smart, like you guys."

"You are smart. I know you are. That's why you're gonna let this go."

With a great big groan, Carl rolls his eyes.

From over by the campfire where he's polishing his pistol, Shane throws in his two cents. "Might not be a bad idea, Rick."

He looks over at him. "What?"

"You know we're both certified instructors. Plenty of land 'round here that ain't Herschel's. We could set up a shooting range, see how it goes."

I scoff hearing that, anger rising up inside me.

"Yeah, you'd know all about shooting things, wouldn't you, Shane?" I snarl sassily.

There's a very stiff, very awkward pause between us all. It's lucky it's just us around, and not any of the Greenes. I guess I wasn't thinking, but when my temper flares up, I never think before I speak. That's how you know I'm my Dad's daughter, I suppose. Shane stares at me like I've just slapped him sideways across the face. I glower at him; a seething, hurt look I've never directed at him before, one I know will pain him. He knows he's broken whatever it was he'd built between us with this stunt. He's damn right I don't wanna be his friend anymore.

It's so frustrating that we all know what he did, but none of us can do anything about it. He gets away with everything.

At least I can hurt him with words.

Rick sees that I'm getting angrier by the second and puts a comforting hand on my back.

"Huh?" Carl asks, confused. "What do you mean?"

"Carl." Rick warns.

"No, I wanna know. What did you mean?"

"He shot my Dad, is what I mean." I exclaim, heated. "He was gonna leave him out in the woods to bleed to death. Ain't nothin' more than a murderer."

Carl's gaze snaps onto Shane, a look of betrayal skirting over his features.

"It was you?"

"Carl, it's already been discussed." Rick tries calming him down. "What's done is done. It's over."

"Why'd you do it?"

"Listen, buddy," Shane placates, for some reason looking at me when he does. "Sometimes things just happen. Heat of the moment."

"Weren't no 'heat of the moment'." I shout. "You followed him through the woods for hours!"

"I didn't—"

Carl taunts, "You gonna shoot my Dad next?"

"This is gettin' outta hand." Rick intervenes, standing up from the picnic table. "Come on. Let's go cool off. Both of you."

"I hate you." I call out to Shane as I'm pulled off the bench. "I fucking hate you!"

He doesn't even have anything to say. There's nothing he can say. He ducks his head, unable to look my way, and once Rick gets himself in my line of sight, I can't see his guilty expression anymore and I don't care to. I shove Rick off. He respects that I don't want him crowding me so much and opts for just holding my hand, instead, telling me everything's alright. My eyes well up, lip wobbling. I hate people seeing me cry, but Rick's probably seen Carl cry a whole bunch of times. I don't need to be too embarrassed. He would never judge.

He guides us both toward the side of the house.

"Here." He gently says as we approach a trough of clean water. "Wash your face off a bit. It'll feel good."

"I can't believe you didn't tell me." Carl frowns. "Were you ever gonna?"

I splash some water onto my already wet cheeks, catching my breath.

"Shane's been with us for a very long time." Rick confesses, "I didn't know how to break somethin' like that to you, but yes, we were going to."

"What does Mom think?" He pouts.

Rick nods. "She's disappointed."

I dry my face off with my shirt, mumbling pettily, "Murderers go to prison, y'know. They don't just sit around, cleanin' guns."

"What are you gonna do, Dad? Is he just gonna stay here?"

"Do you want him to?"

Carl seems torn on how to answer. "W—Well, yeah, but you don't usually get to choose, right?"

"We do now." Rick tells us both. "Lots of people make mistakes. Shane's definitely made a mistake by doin' this. I recognise that. But things are different. We need each other to survive out here. We need this place to survive. Putting that at risk will be hurting us, too."

"He's sorry, right?"

Rick doesn't know how to answer that one.

"I hate him." I sniff, miserable. "I can't look at him no more."

He gives me sympathetic look, rubbing my back.

"We can't kick him out." Carl worries. "He's our family."

Everybody is someone's family. My Dad's a murderer, and he's my family. That's why I forgive him. I guess that's why Rick, Lori, and Carl forgive Shane, too, even though they're angry like I am. I wish I could have that gene for moving on, but I just don't. Shane ain't my blood.

"Things are weird right now." Rick admits. "I know. But we just have to stick through it for a while."

"Until when?" I demand. "When's it gonna be okay that he tried to kill my Dad?"

"Never." He appeases. "You have every right to be upset with him. I just want to secure our place here, first."

"How you gonna do that?"

"I'm going to talk to Herschel tonight."

"And then what?" I spit sarcasm. "My Dad can have at him?"

"It's tricky, Harley. I can't kick Shane out. I can't kick you an' your Dad out. I can't have you around each other. There's no good option, here."

"When my Dad's all better, he's gonna kill him." I grind out. "That's a good option."

"No, Harley, it's not." He sighs patiently. "Two wrongs don't make a right."

"Why the Hell not?"

"Because I will not allow murder within the camp. That's a line we do not cross. Ever."

"Then kick Shane out!" I scream in his face, as if that'll make him listen better, turning on my heel and storming away.

With anger coursing through my veins, I search the farm for Shane.

He made himself scarce after Rick forced us to give him some space, but I'll find him. I don't know what I'm gonna do once that happens, but the first step is to find him. Maybe I'll shout at him. Maybe I'll punch him in the face. Yeah, that's good. I'll do that. I'll break his nose, just like my Daddy did. I ask Jacqui if she's seen Shane anywhere, and then I ask Andrea, and Beth, and even Jimmy. They all give vague, unsure answers, but they all mention the direction of the back gate, so that's where I go. I'm an arrow, soaring toward its target.

Sure as shit, I find him on the outskirts of the farm. He's sitting in the neglected, tall grass, staring out onto the distant sunset.

When I see him rub the heel of his palm over his eye, I realize he's crying.

I approach him from behind, not caring how loud my raging footsteps are.

When I'm within ten feet of him, he starts to turn around, sighing, "Rick, listen—"

"It's me!" I shove him harshly, surprising him. "And yer lucky it is, 'cause if I was him, I'd kick you out right now!"

Shocked, he faces me with wide, wet eyes.

"Scratch that, I'd kill ya!" I seethe. "Just 'cause my Dad survived, don't make you any less of a murderer! That's what you are!"

"Harley—"

"I don't wanna hear nothin' you have to say, no more." We're nowhere near the main part of the farm. From here, the house looks like a miniature. The sky is open wide. I can scream all I want, and nobody will be the wiser. "I don't care. You can't say sorry for somethin' like this! Everybody knows what you did, Shane! Rick knows, Carl knows, Lori knows, I know!" My voice cracks. "I gotta live with it! With you!"

I don't care that he's been crying. He could cry an ocean of tears, and I still wouldn't care.

"When my Daddy comes for you," I shout, "I won't stop him. Ya hear me? I won't!"

As soon as my Dad's better, this place will become a hunting ground. As long as one of 'em is alive, the other won't stop 'till they're dead.

A flash of violence glints over his eyes when I say this. This was never his plan. If he had things his way, not only would that bullet have gone straight into my Dad's head, but I'd also probably be mourning in his arms right now, letting him replace what he'd made sure I'd lost.

"I did what I did for you." He snarls, offended. "I did it to protect you. You think this is what I want, Harley?"

"I know it's what you want. You're a fucking murderer."

"Yeah? I want my best friend lookin' at me like he doesn't even know who I am, anymore? I want you tellin' me that you hate me?" His lip curls around his biting words. "That's what I want? I'll let'chu in on a little secret, here, Harley. I don't. This is Hell for me, too!"

I shove him again, but he doesn't retaliate. He takes it; deserves it, even.

"You can't protect nobody!"

I smack him again.

"Nobody!"

"Harley—"

"I was your friend!"

"Fuck!"

I punch him square in his stupid face.

He grunts under the sheer impact, his hand going to his nose. He pants, dumbfounded. His fingers come away wet, red; bloody. I stand there, huffing and puffing, my knuckles sore, as he looks up at me like he doesn't recognise me. His eyes are wide pools of incomprehension. I-I just punched him. I have never in my life punched an adult, before. It feels good. It feels really, really good. It feels better than just washing my face off, that's for sure. Sometimes, two wrongs do make a right. I know, 'cause I'm starting to grin, now. Rage, to me, feels like a medicine.

He gulps, blood trickling down into his gaping mouth. He frowns lightly at me.

"That make you feel better?" He asks without venom, as if he's genuinely curious; as if he's got an idea.

"It did." I breathe. "Made me feel a whole lot better."

He pauses.

Then, he mutters, "Do it again."

"What?"

"Hit me again." He shuffles onto his haunches, presenting his bloody face to me like a prize. "Hit me again, Harley. Do it."

I hesitate at first, not believing this is really happening, but then I see that he's serious. He cups his hands around both his knees, ready to be my punching bag. He raises his chin; takes a deep breath. For once, this isn't a trick. This is plain, raw indulgence. The slithering delight of violence is all mine to take. I feel it building up inside of me again, fighting to be let out. I slowly curl my fist again, rearing it back into the air.

I bring it down onto his face again with a dull, painful thud.

He straightens again.

I lay into him for a third time, and a fourth, and a fifth. I think of Dad's unconscious body, the sound of the gunshot, and the way he was tip-toeing alongside death for three whole days. I think about how Shane almost took my Dad away from me forever, and I make him hurt.

By the time I'm done with him, his cheek is already turning an ugly green-brown color, bright blood smeared across his chin.

That's the best thing I've done all week.

He sits back down in the grass, adjusting his jaw, groaning, "Where'd you learn to hit like that?"

"My Dad." I pointedly spit. "Taught me to punch people who are mean to me."

He chuckles weakly, accepting my punishing words instead of arguing. "Well, you got me."

"This don't change nothin'."

"I know it doesn't." He pants. "No matter how many times you hit me, you're Dad's still a fuckin—"

"I told you I don't wanna hear it."

"A fucking asshole." He finishes. "Hell, he's no better'un Ed was. You— You wanna know the difference between him an' me?"

I refuse to answer, glaring at him.

"I have never hit you." He says, knowing I can't argue with a fact. He's infuriating, that way. "Hate me all ya want, but... I've never hit you."

We stay like that for a strangely painful and gaping moment, face to face with each other's honest presence.

In the distance, we hear people calling for me.

He sniffs wetly, bringing his shirt up to clean his face. "Best you get back, now."

"Harley, where'd you go?"

"Harley!"

"Harley!"

As a parting goodbye, right before I walk away, I mumble, "You can't protect nobody."

He doesn't come back to the farm until after dinner.

Rick's a little angry when I return to the farm, but he hears me out.

"I just went on a walk," I fib, hiding my bloody knuckles. "To calm down."

"Are you alright?" Lori fusses.

I smile. "Yeah, I'm... I'm really good."

They glance at each other, but it looks like the matter is already settled.

"Come on, then." He sighs. "Dinner's almost ready."

Lori grabs my clean hand and leads me toward the house.

"You need to reconsider." Rick comes out and says that night, helping the Greenes clear the dining table.

Herschel frowns, "I beg your pardon?"

"Asking us to leave." He sets the dirty dishes down in the sink, and then turns to face him, his arms crossed. "You need to reconsider."

At least he wasn't lying, I think to myself as I finish off the last of my peas. This is him following through on what he promised me he'd do.

"If you saw what it's like out there," Rick continues, "You wouldn't ask. You're a man of belief. If you believe anything, believe that."

"You're putting me on the spot, here, Rick."

He doesn't back down.

"Well, I mean to. Those people out there look to me for answers. I wish they didn't, but they do. That includes Harley."

Herschel glances at me, a soft look in his eyes.

"After everything that's happened," Rick doubles down, "The least you can do is reconsider."

"You're a plain-spoken man."

"I'm just doing what's best for my people." He humbly says. "We've been to Hell and back these past few months. This whole journey started for us when Harley got scratched by one of the dead, right in the beginning. We honestly believed that we were going to have a child's blood on our hands. You don't forget somethin' like that. I know I won't. I know her father won't, either. Now I fear the same thing might happen with Sophia. I know you're a man of good morals, a man of faith. You got two girls of your own. If you kick us out when Daryl's better — before we can have a good chance at finding Sophia — Then this time, I'd say the blood will be on your hands. Not ours."

Herschel is confronted by his words, glancing over at Beth and Maggie, the apples of his eye, as they clean dishes together.

"Will you consider my request?"

"There are... aspects to this." Herschel says. "Things I can't and will not discuss. But if you and your people respect my rules... I will reconsider."

I try not to let my excitement show on my face.

Rick smiles. "We will. You have my word."

Herschel nods. "And you have mine."

Dad's still reading the book when I go into his room that night and change into my pyjamas.

"Dad, guess what?"

He hums.

"Rick got Herschel to think about lettin' us stay longer." I smile, stepping into my sleep shorts. "We might not have to leave."

He lowers the book at that, a sceptical look on his face. "He did?"

"Yeah." I pull on my shirt and hop on the bed, taking out my braids. "You know what that means?"

"What?"

"Shane can get punished, and the Greenes won't care."

As I move onto the second braid, content with this development, I don't notice my Dad looking over me, a dark look in his eyes.

"Baby?"

"Yeah?"

"What's that?"

He grunts as he sits up slightly, reaching out to grab my wrist. I look down at it, only now noticing a tiny speckle of Shane's blood on one of my knuckles. Damn it. I thought I got it all off when I washed my hands this evening, but I must've missed a spot. I lick my thumb and wipe it away.

My gaze averted, I confess, "I punched Shane today."

"You what?" He scolds harshly.

"I punched him a whole heap of times, actually." I say somewhat proudly. "He let me. He said it would make me feel better."

He looks like he wants to strangle something.

He demands, "Who else was there?"

I realize I might actually be in trouble for this, and I mumble, "Uh... No-one."

"Fuckin' Hell, Harley." He groans, rubbing a hand down his face. He drops it, revealing a deep frown. "You stay away from him, okay?"

"But, you said—"

"Don't back-talk me, girl. You know what he's capable of, and ya still went and talked to him."

"I wasn't nice to him, Daddy. I promise. I was real mad."

"A guy like that, it don't matter." He insists. "He gets in ya fuckin' head, Harley. He already has. Do not do that shit again. Ya hearin' me?"

"Yes, Dad."

"Creepy piece'a shit." He grumbles to himself as he sits back, taking a deep breath. "You remember what I did to Ronnie?"

Chewing my lip, I murmur, "Yeah."

"And how you weren't scared of me, after?"

"Uh-huh."

He nods. "Well, keep that in mind."

"Why?"

"'Cause I told you to. Now, c'mon. Time for bed." He lifts up the covers for me, and after blowing out the candle, I wiggle myself in beside him. This will be our last sleep in the house. Herschel reckons Dad will be able to walk tomorrow, and after that, we're gonna get kicked outside with everyone else. I don't mind. I can't wait to sleep under the stars again. Once I'm comfortable, he offers, "You want me to sing you to sleep?"

I nod, closing my eyes.

His soft words begin to fill the quiet room, a pretty echo of an old life.

"Hush little baby, don't say a word... Daddy's gonna buy you a mockingbird."

"He-lloooo, farmer's daughter."

The next morning, I send Glenn an unimpressed look from my seat on the porch.

"Gross, Glenn."

He continues peering through his binoculars at Maggie as she rides up the road.

I roll my eyes and go back to eating my small breakfast of peach jam on toast.

They're going on a run today. Between me, T-Dog, and my Dad's injuries, the painkillers and antibiotics have run out pretty quickly. He's gonna try walking today, so he'll definitely need them more than usual. They're going to check out a nearby pharmacy for more. I asked if I could go with them, but Rick, Dad, and Lori all answered me with a synchronized scolding of, No, so that idea's out the window.

As Lori comes up the porch steps, Glenn startles, trying to hide his obvious spying.

"Oh, h-hey, Lori. Nice morning, huh?"

She raises a brow. "I'm not even gonna ask."

"You got the list?"

"Yeah. Here it is." She hands him a crumpled slip of paper, glancing around, lowering her voice. "And there's one other item on there."

He unfolds it, reading down the scrawled words.

"I wrote it down separately. It's personal. If we could be real discreet about that, okay?"

When he makes it to the bottom, his eyes go wide.

"Uh, s-sure." He promises. "I just need to know where to find it."

"Try the feminine hygiene section."

His cheeks go a little pink, but he nods, "Consider it done."

"What is it?" I nosey.

"Just some lady products." She brushes it off, taking a seat beside me. "Don't worry about it."

Glenn mutters, "Can I ask... Whose—?

"No." She chides.

He nervously gives up on his question. "O-Okay."

Maggie makes it to the front of the house, leading another horse alongside hers for Glenn. He quickly snatches up his backpack and rifle, heading down the steps. We watch as he clumsily mounts the saddle with some coaching from Maggie, which makes us both giggle.

He gets it, eventually.

As they trot down the path together, Lori gives me an amused look. "He's totally sweet on her."

I scrunch up my nose. "Don't put me off my food."

"Sorry," She laughs.

Later in the morning, I join Andrea on the roof of the RV as she stands watch.

Looking through her binoculars, she mutters to herself, "What is he doing?"

I frown. "What is it?"

She hands them to me, and I peer through the lenses in the direction she was facing, met with the peculiar sight of Dale on the border of the farm, kicking a fence post. He continues along the line, giving the next one a firm shake. I lower the binoculars, mildly entertained.

"I think he's investigating." I snicker to myself.

"Investigating?" Andrea looks at me, confused. "Investigating what?"

"He thinks something's up with the fences." I tell her, watching his distant figure move onto the next one. "I guess he means to find out what."

She laughs. "He's gonna break a toe if he's not careful."

I've never known anyone nosier than Dale Horvath.

In the afternoon, Glenn and Maggie return with everything on the list.

Dad insists that he don't even need the painkillers, but he gets forced by Maggie to take 'em, anyway. We wait half an hour for the pills to kick in, and then after some more arguing from Dad's end about how he can do it on his own, he yanks the IV needle out his arm and scoots onto the edge of the bed. With some effort and a few heavy grunts, he manages to get onto his feet, wobbling only slightly.

I cheer him on, making him smile a little.

We trail him out onto the back porch, hovering nearby in case he falters, but he stands strong the whole way.

He breathes in the fresh air. "Almost forgot what real life smelt like."

I pace around the house with him as Maggie and Glenn clear out all evidence of him ever existing in the guest room.

Herschel checks him over one last time and gives him the official green-light to return to life as usual.

We all spend about half an hour pitching a tent and driving over all our chairs, rucksacks, and other belongings to a nice spot on the far reaches of the property, under a patch of healthy, green trees, per Dad's request. It'll make the walk to camp that much longer, but he's willing to deal with it. He makes it very clear that he doesn't wanna be within a hundred fuckin' feet of Shane. Maggie and Glenn express vehement understanding.

"He's like a bomb waitin' to go off, that man." She scoffs, setting the last item, a crate, down in the dirt. "Don't know why you keep him around."

Dad mutters sardonically, "He's popular in the Grimes department."

"Well, if he was in my group," She drawls, "He would've been gone days ago."

"Trust me, I share the fuckin' sentiment." He takes the last bag from Glenn. "I got it."

"You sure, man?"

He grunts uncomfortably as he tosses it into the tent. "Yeah, I'm sure. Don't need no babysitters. I'm fine."

"Well, that's everything." Maggie sighs. "Come back to the house for dinner tonight. We're havin' veggie soup and grilled cheese."

"I think I've had more than enough of that house for a lifetime."

"Half an hour won't kill ya." She rolls her eyes. "Do it for Carol. She made it happen, after all. We'll see ya then, okay? Bye, Harley."

"See ya later." I smile, giggling as Glenn flicks my ear as they both walk off.

Dad settles down in his camping chair, hissing.

I ask him, "Ya feelin' alright?"

"Yeah, baby. Just sore. Start a fire, will ya?"

"Sure thing," I say, turning away into the treeline to search for twigs.

In the afternoon, Glenn and Maggie return with everything on the list.

Dad insists that he don't even need the painkillers, but he gets forced by Maggie to take 'em, anyway. We wait half an hour for the pills to kick in, and then after some more arguing from Dad's end about how he can do it on his own, he yanks the IV needle out his arm and scoots onto the edge of the bed. With some effort and a few heavy grunts, he manages to get onto his feet, wobbling only slightly.

I cheer him on, making him smile a little.

We trail him out onto the back porch, hovering nearby in case he falters, but he stands strong the whole way.

He breathes in the fresh air. "Almost forgot what real life smelt like."

I pace around the house with him as Maggie and Glenn clear out all evidence of him ever existing in the guest room.

Herschel checks him over one last time and gives him the official green-light to return to life as usual.

We all spend about half an hour pitching a tent and driving over all our chairs, rucksacks, and other belongings to a nice spot on the far reaches of the property, under a patch of healthy, green trees, per Dad's request. It'll make the walk to camp that much longer, but he's willing to deal with it. He makes it very clear that he doesn't wanna be within a hundred fuckin' feet of Shane. Maggie and Glenn express vehement understanding.

"He's like a bomb waitin' to go off, that man." She scoffs, setting the last item, a crate, down in the dirt. "Don't know why you keep him around."

Dad mutters sardonically, "He's popular in the Grimes department."

"Well, if he was in my group," She drawls, "He would've been gone days ago."

"Trust me, I share the fuckin' sentiment." He takes the last bag from Glenn. "I got it."

"You sure, man?"

He grunts uncomfortably as he tosses it into the tent. "Yeah, I'm sure. Don't need no babysitters. I'm fine."

"Well, that's everything." Maggie sighs. "Come back to the house for dinner tonight. We're havin' veggie soup and grilled cheese."

"I think I've had more than enough of that house for a lifetime."

"Half an hour won't kill ya." She rolls her eyes. "Do it for Carol. She made it happen, after all. We'll see ya then, okay? Bye, Harley."

"See ya later." I smile, giggling as Glenn flicks my ear as they both walk off.

Dad settles down in his camping chair, hissing.

I ask him, "Ya feelin' alright?"

"Yeah, baby. Just sore. Start a fire, will ya?"

"Sure thing," I say, turning away into the treeline to search for twigs.

We stay in our new little camp until the sun goes down. When I start to notice our people heading inside the house, I put my book down and convince him to come have dinner with everyone. It's only polite. He stomps out the fire, grabs my hand, and we make the short hike back.

When we step inside, the delicious smells of melted cheese, spices, and fresh bread fill my lungs.

"You made it." Maggie's delighted. "Nice walk over?"

"Sure." Dad replies gruffly, way out of his element, here. "This food better be good."

"Harley told me ya like scrambled eggs, so I made ya a portion to go with the rest of your plate. A little present to celebrate you walkin' again."

He seems caught off guard by such thoughtfulness, but he's grateful, anyway. "Thanks."

We make our way into the dining room, where everyone is finishing setting the two tables that they've managed to manoeuvre in here. They've even brought in a vase of wildflowers to serve as a nice centre piece. We take a seat at the table that naturally seems to have been designated the non-Greene table, next to Carl and Lori, who smile when they see us. Conversation is easy amongst our group, but there's not really any cross-contamination between us and the Greenes. This is the first time we've all been in the same room together. It's pretty awkward.

A bowl of colorful, steaming vegetable soup and a side of hot grilled cheese is served in front of everyone.

"We better thank Carol." Jacqui smiles as she hands us some cutlery. "This was all her idea."

"Oh, it was nothing." Carol meekly chuckles. "I just thought it would be a nice way to thank you all for everything you've done for us."

"Well, it looks delicious." Beth says kindly. "I can't wait to eat it."

After Jacqui sits down, Herschel's table join hands and say Grace together. Then it seems like we're in the clear to start eating.

Everybody makes little hums and pleased noises to let Carol and the other women know that the food is good, but nobody is brave enough to try and start a conversation. What do we talk about? The funeral? Shane going crazy? The possibility of getting banished to our deaths?

Eventually, Rick comes up with an idea, 'cause he's good like that. "How about that walker today, huh?"

Our table is clearly up for the distraction, but we're cut off almost immediately.

Herschel frowns. "What walker?"

Oh. He doesn't know.

There's a series of glances thrown around the room.

"There was a walker stuck in one of your wells." He awkwardly explains. "We, uh, pulled it out."

"I'm not sure I appreciate you poking around my property." Herschel says. "You should've come to me."

He nods, looking like he regrets even opening his mouth in the first place. "You're right. I'm sorry."

Another bout of silence falls over us.

Glenn tries next. "Anybody... know how to play guitar?"

"My Dad can play." I offer, poking at my soup.

T-Dog asks, "You any good?"

Dad shrugs. "I'm decent."

"Otis knew how to play."

We all try not to look at Patricia when she says this. She's just made things ten times more awkward for everyone.

It's almost as if Otis' ghost is in the room with us, and we just have to do our best to ignore it.

"Yes, and he played very well." Herschel quietly reminisces, before the silence takes over again.

I take four bites of my grilled cheese before Beth speaks up.

"What happened to your face?"

Shane chokes a little on his spoonful of broth, reluctantly answering, "Oh, uh, it's— I just tripped a little, that's all."

"Looks like you got into a fight." Patricia comments.

"No, that's— That's not what happened at all, ma'am."

Beside me, my Dad glowers across the table at Shane. Rick notices and adopts slightly nervous look, as if he thinks they're gonna jump on top of the food right this very second and stab each other with their butter knives. Honestly, they might.

"You sure?" Dad mocks Shane, a strange lilt to his voice.

"S'what I said, ain't it?"

"What?" He chuckles. "Did ya step on a fuckin' banana peel?"

"Don't start with me, Daryl."

"Daddy, leave it." I grumble harshly under my breath. "Just keep eatin'."

Jacqui suggests a change in subject. "How about you tell us how you learned to play, Daryl?"

"I think I'm good." He scoffs.

The tension grows to be so unbearable that I eventually excuse myself to go to the bathroom.

As I meander down the corridor and pass the empty kitchen, something on the other side of the window catches my eye. I pad over to the sink and go on my tip-toes, peering out into the dark. Over by the barn, there's a short, skinny figure standing in the grass, hunched like it's in pain. My eyes widen. Sophia? Is that her? With a glance back at the dining room, I decide it's best I don't bother anyone, and I head outside alone.

The warm night air surrounds me as I softly call out her name.

The figure groans lightly in response.

I can't see all too well, but I can make out a pair of thin legs, a stringy, knotted mass of hair, and two bony hands that twitch rabidly at its sides. I creep closer, slowly taking in the figure's too-tall height; the way it convulses lightly, unable to keep its balance. The moonlight peels over the clouds, then, splaying out across the silent field. The breath leaves my lungs. The figure is illuminated, revealing itself only now to be someone I don't recognise at all. It wheezes painfully, twisting to look at me with a face riddled in decay. My skin goes cold at the deadly sight.

It's a walker. Of course it's a walker, you stupid girl.

Dale was right. They're getting in, somehow.

I don't get a chance to turn around. All at once, a second body latches itself onto me, knocking me over into the grass. I cry out. Oh, God, there's more than one out here. I try scrambling away, but its cold hands grip my knee and anchor me to the spot. It climbs up my stomach, looking like something out a Goosebumps special. A pair of staggering footsteps approach, and when the second walker appears over the first one's wrinkly shoulder, I let out a blood curdling scream that rings in shockwaves through my skull. I can't take on two walkers. That's impossible.

In the distance, the back door swings open.

"Harley!?" My Dad hollers, echoed by the other men as they bound down the steps.

The walker's large crucifix necklace dangles tauntingly over my nose, shining with the yellowed spit that leaks from the gaping mouth above it.

I grab it, trying at the same time to kick the walker off. Its chiselled edges bite into my skin. Anything can be a weapon.

The walker flails angrily, possessed with hunger.

I drive the cross into its skull. It gives out a gurgling, beaten cry, and I stab it again, and again, and again, only stopping once the bone cracks around the dreadfully blunt end, and it slumps on top of me, dead for a second time. I push the top half of its heavy body offa me, ripping the beaded necklace from its neck with a dry snap. The grabbing hands and loud growling of the second walker quickly replace it.

I ready the crucifix again, but it's hard to aim when I'm seeing two of everything!

Its jaw hinges open above the soft skin of my leg.

Right as it's about to bite down on me, Shane suddenly comes into view.

His knife glints in the moonlight. He rears it back above his head, burying it deep into the walker's face in a swift, brutal motion. Black blood splatters his front as he pulls it out, grabs its shoulders, and throws it angrily into the grass, where it lands heavily, giving out one last croak.

I'm finally able to crawl away, throwing the necklace onto the ground.

Before I know it, my Dad is crouching at my side.

"Are ya bit?" He frantically demands to know. 

"N— No." I shudder. "No, I ain't— I ain't bit."

"What happened?"

"I thought I saw someone, but..."

"You weren't there, Daryl!" Shane laughs loudly, now, still clutching the knife, sounding as if he's just won something. "You weren't there, man!"

"Bullshit, I wasn't!" Dad sneers, standing up. "I was two fuckin' feet behind ya!"

"And that walker's teeth were two hairs away from Harley's leg!" He retorts. "One more second — One second — And she'd be bit right now!"

"You don't know what the Hell you're talkin' about."

"All crippled and beaten, bumblin' over here like an old man. This is what happens, Daryl. You can't afford to be slow, no more!"

"I can protect my own!"

A grin splits his face. "Don't look that way from where I'm standin'."

"My own!" Dad growls. "You get that through your thick head, Shane! Mine! My fucking daughter!"

"And what a sad shame that is!"

You can't protect nobody.

Oh, why'd I have to go and tell him that?

The others finally make it over just in time for Dad's temper to snap.

I think my heart stops in this next moment. In a fit of rage and fire that nobody can stop, he pulls his knife from his sheath, jumps forward, and tackles Shane to the ground. I shriek as Rick and T-Dog hurry over to them, shouting at them to stop it, god damn it, stop it. Blades go flying left and right. Shirts are slashed. Curses are bellowed. Dad mounts his squirming body and lifts his knife into the air, making me squeal in horror. Rick takes a big handful of the back of his shirt, and right before he manages to drag him off, the knife comes down into Shane's shoulder. He cries out in agony, clutching the gash. He's lucky Dad missed in the chaos. Otherwise, it'd be in his throat.

Andrea and Lori throw themselves at the ground near Shane, feverishly putting their hands over his gushing stab wound.

"Oh, you're attackin' people, now, are ya, Daryl?" He goads, groaning through the pain. "You've always been a damn feral animal."

"At least I ain't a fuckin' creep! Goin' around, askin' little girls to hit me!"

"Maybe you should keep a closer eye on her, then, huh?"

Dad rushes forward again, but Rick catches him. He wrestles the knife out his hand and tosses it away.

"Holy shit!" Glenn exclaims, pulling on the roots of his hair.

Dale and Maggie rush over to me, their faces pale and panicked at the scene around them.

"That's enough!" Rick grinds out, forcing Dad backward with the help of T-Dog. "That's enough!"

"You say that shit again!" Dad roars over their heads. "Next time, I'm breakin' your fuckin' neck!"

Jimmy stares depressingly at the bodies. I think he must know who they were.

Carl sobs from nearby, "Dad, what's going on?"

Rick gives my Dad a shove, leaving him to stumble, clutching his hurt side. He reprimands, "What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinkin' he deserves worse." He groans.

"So, you kill him? That's your solution?"

"Why don'tchu ask him? He knows all about killin' folk, don'tchu, you fuckin' schizo? Betcher sorry I lived, huh?"

Shane tries to make a retort, but the people around him encourage him to stay calm.

Maggie helps me to stand, asking me if I'm hurt anywhere, to which I dazedly shake my head. We watch as Shane gets escorted back into the house, where they'll probably get started stitching him up right away. He pushes them all off of him, enraged. I can't believe that just happened. I don't think anybody else can, either. They're all frozen in place, eyes wide and darting around for answers to questions they didn't even know to ask.

My Dad slumps down in the dirt, his chest heaving from exertion, head hanging low. He cradles his aching stomach.

It finally happened.

"You okay, man?" T-Dog uncomfortably asks.

Dad spits blood into the grass. "I been wantin' to do that for about a month."

"Well, I hope it was worth it." Rick jibes. "We might lose our place here, now, thanks to you. You want your daughter back on the streets?"

"Long as she's nowhere near that crazy son of a bitch, I'on give a rat's ass where she is."

Rick scoffs, completely done with tonight. "You're unbelievable. Both of you, unbelievable, and outta your minds."

Jimmy pipes up, "What did he mean about killing folk?"

"Nothing. Get back inside." Rick scolds, turning away alongside Maggie to go follow after everyone else.

Then, it's just me, Dad, and Dale left out in the field to process everything that just went down. I head over to him, and he wraps me up in a tight hug that I never wanna leave. Shane's blood stains both our clothes, and I'm horrified to learn that it's all still hot and sticky. This was a total disaster. I knew this would happen sometime or other, but I thought I would be prepared to face it. I don't know what happens next.

This might be the push Rick needs to kick Shane from the group. He must see now that they cannot co-exist peacefully.

After a while, Dale inspects the dead walkers and murmurs to himself, "I knew something was fishy."

He paces along the footprints they left behind, following them this way and that, further and further away.

When he comes up just short of the barn, I frown in confusion.

He tugs at a few loose boards, poking around. He makes it to a crate that he pushes out the way, revealing a gaping hole in the wall.

"What the—?" I hear him exclaim, right before a dead hand shoots out from between the planks.

He steps back, astonished.

Dad's hand curls tighter around my shoulder.

When he calls out to us, his voice frail, I feel like I might faint.

"They're keeping walkers in the barn."

Author's Note.

There's a reason Shane rhymes with insane. That's all I'm gonna say about that 😵💫

Also, I rearranged the order of events a little bit for this one. The way I write this story is I bring up a script for the episode I'm following as well as the wiki page for the season, bc I don't have anywhere I can stream TWD. It was a little confusing having to combine stuff from different episodes, but I hope it flows well. I try very hard to mix canon with non-canon things in a way that feels seamless.

Basically, it goes - Walker in the well, shooting lessons are considered, Maggie and Glenn pharmacy run, awkward dinner, someone discovers the barn walkers. Same outcome, just different.

As always, I really hope you enjoyed this chapter. Thanks for reading. Sending love! <3

[ivomartins]

clock it bc omg im playing hs rn (to understand requiem better but im just diamond mining) (apologies to hs lovers) and the dialogue and the storyline has been making me laugh it's so childish and uninteresting like wheres the flavour?? these people are supposed to be divine beings alive for centuries and they speak like twilight characters? every characters personality is so one dimensional and i kind of can't stand mc i hope she gets better in hs2 (also heard we'll get sexy anemic looking men w long hair for lis can't wait)

as opposed to that, like you said, requiem is DELIVERING. every characters is unsettling and creepy in their own way, but nothing about cain makes sense. mc herself said she couldn't understand what's going on in his head despite being right next to him and it actually shows to the player too. it genuinely feels like we're dealing with beings beyond comprehension, understanding and that just ups the stakes for the mc and maintains this dread the player feels throughout the story.

idk if you've played that diamond scene yet but when he tells mc he can understand her and be on her side, it feels so Fake like he's pretending to be human for achieving his goal and im obsessed w it. the writer is operating on levels we can't even begin to understand.

ofc it's only going to be more delicious to figure him out and watch him fall for mc and grapple with his feelings 🤭🤭

(ps the last four requiem asks you've gotten are from me, can i be your 'vivi' anon 💌)

girl (gender neutral) 😭😭😭 tell me about it i deadass can't get over how cartoonish hs is like no hate at ALL towards the book or the people who love it but i think it's so overhyped and most definitely the book/series that i'd rate the lowest out of all of alice's projects

because of that it's a blessing in a way that requiem is written by a different author?? like it's been so interesting seeing the lore from a different lens and being portrayed with such a different "voice" to the writing. like i thought requiem was written by alice at first and i remember how i suspected otherwise purely by the otherwordly way that cain was described in his first diamond scene like ???? i got so hype cause i thought alice was more in her element with this story and just has her spark again GDKSHDJE no shade towards her at all but i definitely think requiem having a different writer is one of the main reasons why it stands out and exceeds hs in this way. i think it's safe to assume it would have had the same storytelling/writing style as hs if it was written by alice (unfortunately)

i loooooove your take about cain being disingenuous when he talked to mc about understanding her??? that would add so much dimension to him if it's true!! i took it at face value tbh because they both do share the similarity of being outcasts from the group + being selfish and invested in their own goals instead of the greater good or whatever the squad is seeking to achieve. BUT it would be absolutely amazing if your interpretation turned out to be true because i can definitely see it with cain's devious lil ass

also. can we PLEASE take a moment to discuss the fact that LANE AND CAIN MET BEFORE???? i mean i saw a screenshot recently from chapter 1 where he's like "do you remember me?" and i also vaguely remember lane dreaming about him in chapter 1 too??? when i tell you. i am chewing my fist just thinking about it... i LIVE for pre-established dynamics like this 😭

[ramonag-if]

I lost track of this wip for a long time but I'm so glad to have found it again. Just finished my first playthrough since way back when this was just two chapters long and I am so delighted and impressed by the quality of writing and quantity of content! Also!!! I gotta gush about Salyra and Ahlf for a second.

You have made characters that are so flawed and so lovable in a way I very rarely see and it's fantastic! The more I learned about each of them and their interactions with the MC (many of which poor MC didn't even know about) the more I'm fascinated by them. So many of the revelations made genuinely hurt so deeply, Ahlf being the old leader of the blood guard, Salyra's new family, Ahlf never sharing her letters and lying about MC being happy and fine, Salyra's bid to fix the war by having a mixed race baby blessed by the gods, it's all terrible and my poor MC is heartbroken because these two people who should have loved her did such a bad job of it but she's also conflicted because she'd like to at least think that they do actually love her! They were trying to do their best while also being fairly self-centered people. The angst is so so good! And for all that I can fault these characters I can also kinda see their lines of reasoning. It makes sense that Ahlf wouldn't want Salyra back in his or the MCs life, both out of spite and out of real concern for the safety of his child cause like, who goes to give a baby god powers with the express disapproval of their partner??? You can't trust a person after that.

And while it sucks that Salyra has a whole new family now she's more than just the MCs mom, she's a whole ass person and so of course she continued to do the things that people do even without MC around, she continued to live and love and make questionable choices. It's shitty that she never came back, but the vibe I've gotten from both the game and your responses to asks here is that she was under the impression MCs life was better this way, that their life shouldn't be uprooted again, that they knew at least some version of the truth about where she was and how she was.

Never mind her involvement with the princess and the repercussions her counsel has had on countless people! She's so interesting and tugs my emotions in so many different directions. I pity her and I loath her, and I'm playing a character who loves her so much but is crumbling under each new revelation and it's so so good.

And oh my God another thing I appreciate is how consistent your characters are, even when it doesn't paint them in a good light. Salyra is described by many people as stubborn but stubborn is one of those traits that I often see written with only the positive connotations in mind. A character is "stubborn" but it always works out for them, it only chafes the other characters who are bad guys or antagonist, it's more determination and it's tempered and righteous and leads to good outcomes because "you should never stop trying, never give up!", but like that's not proper stubbornness. Salyra is stubborn to the point of ruin, she charges forth with what she thinks is best with what seems to me is little regard for the input of others and it appears to have gone disastrously in many places but she just. keeps. going!!!

I'm having so many feelings about these characters omg. I have so many questions! Though at the forefront is does Salyra even love MC or does she just love the potential she saw in them, the plan she had for them, the symbol they were supposed to be? This ask is so long and for that I do apologize I just wanted to let you know how fantastic I think this story is and I guess express my undying love for the way you've written Salyra, even if it does break my heart lol

Have a great day!

Thank you for finding your way back to the game 🌼 I forget that the game was at one point just a few chapters in and now we're a just past the halfway mark of the full game 😅

I'm really glad you're enjoying Ahlf and Salyra as characters. I never intended to make them this flawed or angsty, but as I wrote their scenes, their characters did become more than the idea I had for them and suddenly Ahlf was emotionally detached and Salyra was heading straight towards martyrdom. I like showcasing realistic characters, which is how I view Ahlf and Salyra. I've always enjoyed family dynamics that aren't always depicted as happy and perfect or the fights are trivial at best so this was a lot of fun for me to write such a complex and painful family.

I've always been stubborn myself, so I know that it can be more of a flaw than it can be a good thing. With Salyra, I based her on a lot of different leaders who would often be successful at rebellions but have really bad personal lives because they were so focussed on their ambitions that it got in the way of everything else. Salyra's best and worst quality is her stubbornness, it's what gotten her this far, but it's also what's ruined her personal relationships around her.

Salyra does love the MC, though you as a reader need to determine if she loves the MC because they're her child or because she can't separate the MC's existence from the plans she once had as them being a symbol of peace and unity 😅 It will depend on your playthrough and there is no right way to interpret her feelings towards the MC. As the writer, I can understand how she might seem to genuinely love the MC and how to others, she might seem like she's manipulating the MC or only loves the idea of them. So you'll need to ask yourself after weighing up her actions and words if it's enough to prove genuine love or not.

Please don't apologise for the long ask 💖 I enjoy reading everyone's take on the characters and the game. It's always my favourite part about sharing updates and the story with others so we can all gush about it together. Thank you for your support 😊

[spearsanddragonscales]

Trailblazer Theory!

Note: This was originally posted here (on Hoyolab) by me. But since I caved and made a honkai sideblog I wanted to bring it here to tumblr bc... why not?

I'll probably eventually touch this up with new information but you know. This is the original form and I want to preserve that.

So this is a slightly unhinged theory with minimal support at this moment but I DID want to get it out into text, speak it into the universe so to say, because if I'm right I'll be very curious to see How Right in the future when I no longer really remember what I was thinking and may have thus been influenced by others or the later story. I may not be the only person thinking it but I genuinely haven't seen mentions of it anywhere else and came to it independently.

Also there are possibly some spoilers for those who haven't finished the main story (up to the alchemy delve in the Luofu at least). You've been warned.

That preface out of the way, to put it simply, I think the Trailblazer might be an Aeon. Or like could be in the future if they aren't technically now. My (current) stance is that we are some sort of reincarnation of Akivili. (My partner has a separate thought that we could be a "child" of destruction following the thought train of the Vidyadhara. Which, given we bear a striking resemblance to Nanook I could see!)

This thought came to be somewhere in the middle of Jarilo VI while I was taking a break to play in the simulated universe. A simulation in which we pretend to be Akivili, and at one point Herta says that none of the other testers had gotten a reaction from the aeons - but we did. And it could be something to do with the stellaron, but it could also be because we are not what everyone thinks we are. I swear it is mentioned at one point that some of the aeons were believed to be human once but man I cannot find the source for that so I could be going crazy.

Anyway I really think there's something there, about being set down with no history, no roots, and immediately being released on a path among the stars, with the aeon of destruction giving us their nod in the first moments - and then we also get Preservation's nod a bit later whereas everyone else, of course, only follows one path. This flexibility, the ability to adapt and change in a situation (to me) embodies the concept of being prepared to bravely forge into unknown waters - at least as well as the limited concept of "paths" in a video game would allow.

We are quite literally following Akivili's path, the star rail, - and no we aren't alone, we have March and Dan Heng and Himeko and Welt beside us - but it's still... interesting, to me. There's also the highly amusing bit where Asta asks (jokingly) if our hand is blessed by an aeon because we fixed a curio by tapping on it a few times. I don't consider that to be "support" by any means but it is the kind of foreshadowing that feels very plausible to stick in this early in a story if that was the route they were going.

Further interesting but maybe grasping at straws points are:

We were set loose onto this path as planned by Elio, Destiny's slave. Aeons tread a path dictated by their "path" and are unable to see beyond it / act outside of it. And... neither can we, really. Sure, we have the component of "making decisions" but the path is laid out for us such that we're playing right into Elio's hand - for better or for worse.

Kafka explicitly says something about Elio seeing the future, but that he can't make our choices for us. and "Use that will of yours to reach the end of your story." I find this and the trailblazer's repeated idle chatter of "Reach the end of the story in your own way" really fascinating and I just want to hold space for that. Our story, and our way, seems to be by forging paths and bonds among the stars.

If we were once something like an aeon it would make sense for us to remember basically nothing because the aeons are relatively narrow in scope and we need to be broader to function as a person. ... Also reincarnations (or some kind of replacement) wouldn't have the memory of someone/thing that died. We clearly had some existence before being put into this body (or being woken up with the stellaron? whichever it was) because Kafka wonders what we'll remember.

The biggest hole that I have is why would we be placed on a path to become another aeon by a stellaron hunter but I feel like we just don't know enough info about them for a lot of speculation beyond what Kafka shares during the divination / questioning. Which is... that in the future, worst case or best case, we will have to fight Destruction to save the world, etc.

I'm not expecting any support or anything but I would be curious to hear thoughts if anyone has them ^^; this may see some expansion as I have more time to stew on this.

[panlight]

That scene with Bella and Eric is so cute and I really wish that we'd gotten more of the human friends in the books, rather than the films having to create most of their interactions whole cloth. :/

The question I keep coming back to is: what even was the POINT of the human kids?! From like, a writer's standpoint.

Because originally the story went from Twilight to Forever/Breaking Dawn like right away. They didn't matter. They weren't relevant to the plot at all.

They were basically set dressing; they existed to populate a high school that SM had pretty much no interest in actually writing about. You could take any of them out and it would not affect the trajectory of Bella's story at all. If she had showed up in Forks and was snubbed by everyone and sat by herself at lunch every day until she started sitting with the Cullens, the story would . . . not be any different, really. They only existed to fuss over Bella, to want to be her friend, to invite her to school dances, to make her the center of attention (which she didn't even want??).

The only thing they actually mattered for was Jessica giving her the Cullen gossip in the first book. That's pretty much it. None of the rest of it mattered. Mike's crush didn't matter. Tyler thinking he was taking her to prom didn't matter. Angela's friendship didn't matter (does Bella think of Angela even once after the wedding?). I guess the movie night with Jess in Port Angeles sort of mattered but Jess herself didn't matter--Bella could have been in Port Angeles with anyone (or by herself) for any reason and that could still have played out.

It's just so unsatisfying. We see these characters for three books/movies and then there's just . . . no closure for them, because they never mattered at all.

Which is why I think it would have been way better if Mike had been the "Riley" in Eclipse. Imagine the angst. Imagine how much more fraught it would have been to watch Edward and Seth kill this vampire who used to be her sweet, clueless friend Mike but who had been warped by Victoria. And then Mike would have MATTERED TO THE STORY. The time spent in high school with him would have been relevant! We'd feel bad about what happened to him! Riley?! We didn't even MEET Riley in the books until his death scene. We weren't invested at him at all. Only the Guide/the Bree Tanner book changed that. But in Eclipse? Why should we care what happens to this guy? But if it had been Mike who went missing, Mike who leads the newborns. . .

Maybe the hikers Bella almost kills in BD are Jessica and Angela. Maybe that would have resulted in some self-reflection for Bella and maybe I would buy her instant control if she had been so horrified by the realization she was about to kill two of her friends until Edward distracted her that THAT is what inspires her to resist. It just doesn't make sense to me that someone who is all "whee vampirism is great!" would have an easy time resisting vampire urges. The most successful vegetarians are Carlisle and Rosalie, who hated what they are and resisted it on every level. Carlisle tried to starve himself, he wasn't skipping around the woods thrilled with his new powers. Likewise Rosalie resented what she was and clung to her human memories, name, identity. If Bella had this experience of almost (okay, if I'm being honest I would prefer her actually killing someone, but we're sticking to canon-compliance here for a moment) killing two of her high school friends, that might have been the wake-up call she needed to take vampirism as at best a mixed blessing and not "a fairy tale!"

I just don't understand why she invented all these high school friends and then never DID anything with them. Why make up a new character (Riley) when Mike or Eric or Ben or Tyler were right there? Why make up Bree when it could have been Jess or Angela or even Lauren or any one of the human kids' little sisters?

The answer, I think, is not that SM actually cares about the human kids and didn't want anything bad to happen to them, but that anything bad happening to them would tarnish Bella's fairy tale.

[kakashihasibs]

[tries my best to toss some enrichment in ur enclosure] UHHHHH how does ur current opinion on (kakashi/gai/yamato/obito, whichever u prefer of all of them) differ from ur opinion if them when u first interacted with the character, if at all...were u akkab (assigned kakashi kinnie at birth) ?

Hey anon I'm in love with you. You are a blessing upon this earth.

Kakashi:

Hmmm well my opinion of Kakashi has probably only gotten more nuanced with time. I mean i started watching Naruto when I was a young teenager and my initial love for Kakashi was just bc i was a deeply repressed trans guy and kakashi was very gender and i wanted to emulate his gender presentation (and i didn't really understand that then and i thought oh this must be just like a regular old crush. Bc yaknow when you crush on someone you wanna look like them right? Lol)

Like uh at that point in my young life i had been through some Shit so when i finally heard what kakashi's back story was I was like oh he's me. Yaknow trauma buddies. So baby me process (poorly tbh) some of my own trauma. So my opinion at that point was just i love him and I would protect him.

NOW after a like idk a 15 year break my opinion of Kakashi is i love him but he is still an adult man and has definitely made some missteps largely in part bc he struggles to see past his own trauma. BUT now as an adult looking at kakashi's back story I'm like we're still trauma buddies but all that shit was definitely NOT his fault. he was a kid.

Gai

My opinion on Gai has changed quite a bit. Baby me did not want to emulate his gender presentation and i did not fully grasp his character. I thought he was pretty strong and that was cool, but for the most part he seemed like too much. A little overwhelming.

Now he still a little overwhelming but that's just a part of his charm 😌 i also now understand how hard he works not to just be a strong fighter but to be an excellent friend. I love him. He is the only character in Naruto with genuine sex appeal.

Yamato

I cannot remember yamato much from what little of shippuden i watched back then. I vaguely remember thinking who the hell is this? He's not Kakashi >:[ but i warmed up to him pretty quickly bc i trusted him more than Sai and he was funny.

Now honestly I'm just a little bit in love with him 🥺 i miss him. I think he is low-key one of the most perceptive characters in the show. I think he's kind of aware of all of the political dynamics at play around him. And even tho he still struggles socially i think he's still able to figure people out really fast. It's mostly just the messy teenager feelings he never got to have that he really struggles with.

Also god holy shit is he transgender.

Obito

Baby me had very few thoughts on Obito overall. I liked him well enough but he was really just there to die :(

Now i love him. He's my favorite war criminal and i want to be his friend. 💖

akkab:

Agsjdkdkd i was almost assigned kakashi kinnie at birth bc I almost killed my mom lol the doctors saved her thankfully but like omg my dad trying to raise me as a single parent while still in the Navy??? I'm fucked up enough already that would have been a disaster 😭 avsahsjdldkd but i will say real little baby me and my dad got a long super well. He was as good a dad as he was able to be.

But uh yeah the kakashi kinnie occurred a little later in life

[wrightiverse]

Hello and this is me annotating/doing director's commentary for the last chapter of Crowd as a victory lap. There's no indulgence like self-indulgence.

“I’ll just make my hot young boyfriend help me,” Robin teases. “When I’m eighty, you’ll only be sixty-nine.”

I love to take a thing from the beginning of a story/scene and revisit it at the end. In this case, 'hot young boyfriend' is a light callback to 'sexy-ass, significantly younger boyfriend' back at the beginning when Robin was sad about the empty nest situation. This is, I think, the first time we specify their exact age gap. It is also the exact age gap I have with my own partner, because I’m very lazy like that. (None of this was written with any reference to what's gone on in the podcast over the last year or so, which is good because it sounds like the whole aging thing for Glenn could have gotten really confusing. Wrightiverse Glenn came back right after Ravenloft, none of that other stuff happened to him. It's all good. Canon is optional.) * * * * *

It’s not like the men in his family have much luck in that area, anyway; Glenn never met either of his grandfathers, and Bill didn’t make it much past fifty.

I think Meryl actually lived for hundreds of years and is still alive in Faerun and they should totally meet, but Glenn doesn’t know all that. * * * * *

Aesthetics aside, it didn't seem like there was much for Glenn to look forward to in middle age and beyond. Nick would grow up and wouldn’t need his dad anymore, and Glenn would be all alone.

From Glenn’s second chapter in Crowd, when Robin is sad about Connor leaving for college:

“I want him to be independent,” Robin is trying to explain into Glenn’s knee, “but also I don’t want to be all alone.” Glenn flicks his ear reproachfully. “You're not all alone. I’m right here, dumbass.”

Sometimes what seems obvious when we're explaining it to somebody else doesn't feel as obvious when it's our turn. Admittedly, Glenn is coming to this with a different set of experiences than Robin is. More on that later. * * * * *

His career would go to shit, because getting old only works for rock stars if they’re actually bluesmen in disguise, like Keith Richards.

I think I got this theory from something Chuck Klosterman wrote, probably Fargo Rock City. * * * * *

He starts his grounding exercise without even thinking about it. Five things he can see: one, an information sign for the city park. Two, a freshly-painted bike rack. Three, some big public art sculpture that looks like a giant rusty hairbrush…

This particular grounding exercise came up earlier in Crowd. I didn't make it up for the story, it's real and many people find that it works well. Feel free to try it! The exercise he alludes to when they’re on the beach, creating ‘safe spaces’ out of vivid memories with lots of sensory details, is also based on a real thing. Lauren, his therapist, is named after the therapist who worked with me on my own PTSD and taught me that and a lot of other good stuff. At least based on my own experience, I can highly recommend EMDR if you can find a good practitioner. * * * * *

It was a hella sweet gesture from the kid.

Connor’s introduction in Name has to do with him carrying shirts past Glenn, and one of those shirts becomes important later to Robin. Given how big the GC3 actually seems to be, I don’t think Connor did the majority of their merch. I assume they used a regular printer and Connor just did small runs of fun custom stuff when he feels like it, meaning not much changed after Glenn quit. * * * * *

Of course, Robin is the only member of the family wearing the shirt right now, because Robin is the only one who doesn’t care that it isn’t cool to wear merch from the gig at the gig itself.

I have no idea how widespread the ‘no wearing merch from the gig at the gig’ thing is, but that’s the rule I learned. * * * * *

Robin is chatting away about something, but it’s hard to follow with all the noise and distraction around them. Glenn decides to let it ride, and allows himself to zone out and just watch Robin talk.

As requested by my brilliant co-author, this is a callback to when Robin spaces out watching Glenn talk on their first date. Both Robin and Glenn are consistently very prone to tuning out when the other one is talking, but neither of them particularly care. As Glenn says on their dinner date - sometimes a man just wants to think out loud for a while and get a ‘hell yeah’ in response. * * * * *

It's vastly unfair that Robin looks so good in direct sunlight, but he probably pulls it off because he's the one person in Los Angeles who isn't trying to look younger than he actually is.

Glenn should spend less time in WeHo. * * * * *

There’s already more gray in Robin’s hair than when they met, although Glenn will only accept partial blame for that. Either way, the old man’s on track to be a full-on silver fox before he even hits fifty.

It felt necessary to drop a reminder that despite how Glenn talks about him, Robin is not actually that damn old. I mean, I'm sure that sounds very old to some of you, but when you're in your mid-to-late 30s like Glenn, somebody in their late 40s is not unreasonably decrepit. I think it has more to do with their respective energies than actual birthdays. * * * * *

“What is it?” Robin has noticed Glenn’s gaze, and he touches his own face to check if there's something on it.

Glenn grins. "Nothing, just ogling."

This is another callback to their first date:

“Do I have something on my face?” Glenn asks, and rubs at his mouth.

“No, you’re good.” Robin says. “You’re great.”

Because I adore a full-circle moment, that's why. * * * * *

“Your eyes were intense," Robin laughs. "It looked like you were going to start growling redrum at me."

This is my own fault for saying in the last chapter that Glenn was rambling about Kubrick moon landing conspiracies when he comes back from his walk. I tried like seven different ways to get them on the subject. I still don’t know if it feels natural. * * * * *

Glenn stabs an accusatory finger toward Robin. “Did you suggest not doing the show because you knew I’d argue with you and talk myself into doing it?”

Can’t outro this story without at least a little argayment.

Glenn usually finds him in the bathroom at the end of the night, looking grumpy about being up past his bedtime and holding some girl’s hair back while she barfs.

With what we've learned about Robin over the course of Crowd, we now have the context to understand that for Robin, this drunk girl is very much the ghost of Christmas Past. I don't imagine he goes to many of these parties.

* * * * *

It doesn’t bother Glenn a bit. Life isn’t a movie, the cheerleader doesn’t have to put on leather pants and start smoking in order to get her bad boy and her happily ever after.

I know that there’s more going on in Grease than that, but consider: would Glenn know that?

* * * * *

He and Robin are very different people, and they always will be. They don’t make sense on the surface, but they both know who they are, and who they are fits together perfectly.

Circling back to Robin at the end of Name, expressing his anxieties:

Robin rests his forehead on the steering wheel, avoiding Glenn’s eyes. “Like I don’t make sense for you, and everybody can see it.”

Some of the circles that I closed in Crowd were ones that were opened in Crowd, but some went back further. * * * * *

Love bubbles up in Glenn like a shaken-up soda, and he finds himself standing up suddenly and grabbing Robin’s shirt collar to tug him down for a kiss.

I wanted to mirror the ‘Hot Dad surges forward to kiss him, hard’ thing from the beginning, but given the established height difference, Glenn can’t just go for it unannounced unless he’s gonna stand tippy-toe. Thank you @whotaughtyougrammar for this art of what happens when Glenn tries the collar-tug and Robin doesn't notice fast enough.

* * * * *

Robin is caught off guard and stumbles half a step back, managing at the last second not to drop his drink. “One second, sweetheart, just one second. You surprised me. What was that about?”

Glenn gives him a lopsided grin. “Luck?”

“Oh, well, then. For luck.”

Luck and how to change it is a big theme throughout the whole series, both in the sense of ‘good fortune/unearned blessings’ and ‘random, unforeseen chance.’ More later about that. * * * * *

When Glenn presses his tongue forward to slip between Robin’s lips, he tastes lemon and sugar.

Same as the first time they kissed, when he’d been drinking whiskey sours.

* * * * *

“Right, yeah,” Robin breathes, but he doesn’t let Glenn out of his arms quite yet. “You know,” Robin adds, “Nick was telling me earlier that he’s going to sleep over at Grant’s tonight.”

So I'll be there when you arrive / The sight of you will prove to me I'm still alive / And when you take me in your arms / And hold me tight / I know it's gonna mean so much tonight * * * * *

She’d found him there, and she'd saved him, like she always did.

We didn’t know Morgan’s name when we first wrote the scene where they discussed her in Name, so we wrote around it as though Glenn was reluctant to name her out loud. We maintained this throughout the rest of Crowd except for the line where Glenn says that he’ll tell Robin about the phone call with Morgan. Felt right. Her presence is very much felt but Glenn, at least, is not in the habit of talking about her unless he has no other option. * * * * *

They ran out of the venue and down the street, hand in hand and giggling like kids playing hooky.

@shrack was the one who began writing our Glenn with very physical methods of showing affection. I liked it a lot as a vibe and carried on with it. He and Morgan are also very young here. Glenn would be 21 or 22 at the oldest, which is barely older than Connor is now. I've always attributed some of his immaturity to the fact that he became a parent pretty young. (Glenn is 36 when Name starts and Nick is 13, meaning Nick was born when Glenn was 23 and probably conceived when Glenn was 22.)

* * * * *

It was like falling in love with every single person in the crowd, all at once. Glenn felt like he would never be lonely again as long as he could have that feeling.

Facing twenty thousand of your friends / how can anyone feel so lonely? * * * * *

By then, the GC3 performed in venues so cavernous that Glenn couldn’t see anything outside his own spotlight. He could hear the audience roar approval at him, making a wall of sound that he could feel like a physical force. It was loud enough to drown out the screaming in his head, loud enough to let him forget that she wasn’t out there among them. It was the closest he could get to forgetting, so Glenn did it as much as he could.

Part of a success that never ends / But I’m thinking about you only... * * * * *

Slowly but surely, he’d been learning how to go through life with his mind and heart focused on someone else’s well-being. It didn’t come naturally: that wasn’t the kind of family either of them knew. Still, they’d promised each other that they could do better than how they were raised.

I am never here for iterations of this dynamic that assume Glenn is the fuck-up and Morgan was the perfect parent. They both became parents at exactly the same moment, you know? The world does not need one more story with an incompetent sitcom dad and his smoking-hot wife who does all the actual parenting. * * * * *

Nick is long since asleep, but Adele fucking Close has stayed up until these sickening hours of the early morning.

Conveniently, Glenn’s brain has overwritten all his memories with the correct name and pronouns for Nick, because writing around it is a pain in the ass otherwise. * * * * *

“Hello, Glenny.”

Bill calling Glenn “Glenny” that time at Ravenloft really stuck with me. I don’t know if they ever revisited that in the actual podcast, but it was so slimy and chilling somehow. * * * * *

“I fucked up,” Glenn says bluntly, and his mother narrows her eyes ever so slightly at his cursing.

Glenn gets in his own head early in Crowd about comparing himself to Penny, and Robin later worries about putting himself on ‘the same level’ as Morgan. Neither of them are quite galaxy-brained enough to realize that there’s more than one person in Glenn’s life who uses a lot of terms of endearment for him, considers themselves old-fashioned, and wishes everybody wouldn’t swear so much. * * * * *

“Thank you, mother,” Glenn grits out. He sounds absolutely nothing like himself, not that she minds. “I appreciate your help.”

I assume that part of the reason Glenn has such a hard time offering genuine apologies is that when he was growing up, too much of his apologizing was forced rather than sincere. * * * * *

“You are out of chances. If you continue to neglect this child, I will get the state involved, and I will take custody myself. I’ve already spoken to the Freemans, and I have their full support.”

Morgan’s parents are not mentioned very often and don’t seem to be a big part of the Close boys’ lives. I imagine that whatever tenuous relationship Glenn had forged with them post-accident was pretty much destroyed by Adele forming this alliance with them and telling Glenn about it. * * * * *

Her patient demeanor is meant to remind him that she's here to clean up his mess again, like she always does, and his proper response is humble and apologetic gratitude.

And that is why Robin being patient can set Glenn off so bad, such as after the bike accident when they were arguing:

Glenn doesn’t really hear most of what Robin’s saying. It’s all just soothing, pointless stuff in that obnoxious tone that means Robin thinks he’s the smart, calm, mature one here and Glenn’s the immature asshole who lost his temper again. He’d never say it, but Glenn can tell what he’s thinking.

I hope it came across clearly in that part that Robin doesn’t actually see the situation that way and isn’t saying or thinking anything to that effect, but Glenn feels like he is because he’s had this somatic/emotional reaction triggered. Spatially he's arguing with Robin, but his body and a lot of his brain thinks he's arguing with his mom. Trauma can be like that. * * * * *

His mother keeps talking like he didn’t say a word. “We can all stay in each others’ lives, Glenny. I’m not trying to cut you out, I’m trying to help you. I know you think I’m a monster, but I’m just trying to do what’s best for my family.”

Sometimes the monster will tell you it's not a monster. * * * * *

From that night forward, Glenn will always know that he’s not a good person, because he almost takes his mother up on the offer.

I don’t think being tempted by this offer means Glenn’s a bad person, but we write Glenn as somebody who wishes he was a good person but is really afraid that he isn’t. He was at a very low point here and he needed help. Feeling drawn to the only help on offer, even if it was from a toxic source, is pretty understandable. * * * * *

"I'll get Nicky ready for school tomorrow and you can sleep in. We’ll finish talking about this when you feel better.”

Man, I hate that abuser thing when they start being sweet as soon as you muster the energy to fight back. You get a little bit of steam built up and then they dodge you like a matador so that it dissipates again. To be clear, Nicky isn't Nick's deadname or anything, it's just the somewhat baby-ish diminutive form that Adele uses for him, like how she calls Glenn "Glenny." * * * * *

“Family is important,” his mother says sadly. Just before she closes the door, she gives him a look that’s an exquisite mix of regret, tender affection, and a tiny spark of hope. Adele would have been a great actress, but Glenn can’t imagine who that particular performance was for.

Performance skills run in the family and Adele comes by her acting chops honestly, although she doesn’t know it. I picture one of those situations where a young woman from a good background gets pregnant by some rakehell actor and her family covers up the scandal by raising the baby as a new sibling. That would mean that as long as Adele’s “older sister” never spilled the beans, nobody in their family at this point knows that they’re related to Meryl. If Nick ever decides to do one of those ancestry DNA tests, things are going to get interesting. * * * * *

He certainly didn’t find it very compelling. Family? All the family he will ever need is sleeping soundly down the hallway, tiny arms wrapped tight around a stuffed plush Babar.

I wanted Nick to have a stuffed animal that was sort of his parallel to Mr. Lion. Robin is drinking with Mr. Lion in the beginning of Crowd when he’s upset about losing Connor to college, and Mr. Lion appears again when Glenn comes in to talk to Nick and Connor after Robin’s accident.

“I… I guess I don’t know.” Nick looks down, avoiding eye contact by staring into the darkness under Connor’s bed. Mr Lion is under there in a clear plastic box, along with some other stuffed animals. Even when Nick first met Connor, the stuffed animals were already banished underneath the bed instead of on top of it. But over the years, Connor’s never thrown them away.

Mr. Lion is one of the various ways we played with the theme that Connor is, as Nick puts it, “somewhere between a kid and an adult.” Connor is a very confident and clever guy, but you don't magically get a giant box of maturity and life experience on your 18th birthday. At various points, he asks both Nick (at the campus concert) and Glenn (after Robin’s accident) to try to understand that he's still growing and figuring stuff out. Nick has definitely been deprived of some chances to be a kid, but in some ways Connor has as well. He started hanging out with Glenn after Penny and Robin split up, and although he and Nick obviously hit it off, Connor was closer to Glenn for a while. In a different universe, that might not have turned out as well - I mean, tell me you wouldn't side-eye that arrangement in real life. I sure would. Robin just sort of flings his hands up at the role Connor plays for the Close boys, but I strongly suspect that shit would not have flown on Penny’s watch.

It’s funny - he thought Connor was so grown-up when they met, but the guy was only 16 when the Wrights moved in next door. He wasn’t much older by the time he was over at the Close place almost every day, helping Nick with homework or cleaning questionable leftovers out of the fridge. It didn’t strike Nick as weird at the time, It was just another thing about his life that wasn’t like anybody else’s. He never questioned what was in it for Connor. Back then, Nick didn’t even realize how lonely he himself was - he wouldn't have figured out why a kid whose parents had just gotten divorced might want to come over to the chaotic Close apartment to get away from the quiet in his own home.

Everybody was doing their best, and everything worked out for the best, but Connor over the course of the stories is sorting out the balance that works for him in terms of responsibility and playfulness. Fortunately, now that he has less responsibility for Nick, he can enjoy Nick more as a friend and brother. In Name, Robin and Glenn both sort of assume Connor will act as a babysitter to Nick while they go off on their first date; by Crowd, Connor is hanging out playing Smash with Nick and Grant as the gents get ready for their dinner date, but he's there socially, as a peer. Him being goofier and more immature also frees up Nick to do the same, since if Connor is cool and Connor is being playful, then "it's not a little kid thing, it's a bro thing" They both get to be kids now in a way that they weren't before, and I love that for them. Anyway, the point of Mr. Lion and why I wanted to give Nick a stuffed animal as well was to draw the parallel between the sons more directly and to anchor the stuffed animal component. So far there hadn't been any moment in which an actual kid was holding an actual stuffed animal.

[cxhnow]

Chloe x Halle's Transformation Into Elite R&B Superstars Begins Now

The metamorphosis of Chloe and Halle Bailey has been a sight to behold. The sisters have been growing -- as women and musicians -- in front of the world for the past several years, first entering the spotlight through evocative cover songs uploaded to YouTube in the early 2010s. Signed to Parkwood Entertainment by Beyoncé in 2015 as teenagers, the artists have become well known for their ethereal vocals, which meld effortlessly.

As singers, songwriters, and producers, much of the work Chloe x Halle have released has come directly from their minds, mouths, and fingertips. Their hands-on approach has led to a body of imaginative material that is easily traced back to them, and only them. 

In their early work, the siblings tackled topics that any young person would be able to relate to, such as harmless flirtations. “Boys texting me and begging me to see ‘em/ You can’t schedule an appointment with a queen like me,” Halle sang coquettishly on “Too Much Sauce” from 2017’s The Two of Us.

On their latest effort, Ungodly Hour, released in June, the duo is done playing dating games. “You ain’t gotta tell me what it is/ ‘Cause I saw the messages/ You must got me f--ked up/ You must got me f--ked up / I think I had enough,” Chloe sings bluntly on “Forgive Me.”

But the project isn’t just about relationships and situationships. The lead single, “Do It,” is a spirited vibe about the power of friendship and the appeal of being flexible with life’s adventures. From top to bottom, Ungodly Hour is presented as a declaration of evolution. The statement made by Chloe, 22, and Halle, 20, is one that points toward matured perspectives on love, womanhood, and artistry.

Billboard spoke to Chloe x Halle about “Do It” debuting on the Hot 100, what it’s like developing their craft under Beyoncé’s tutelage, and how it feels to be Black women artists in a climate where Black people are constantly in the news, for better or worse.

Can you explain what your album title means, contextually? 

Chloe: Ungodly Hour, for us, represents loving every layer of ourselves, because you have your good side, your naughty side, all of these different things that make you who you are. I feel like the world is used to knowing the really sweet side of us, and that’s because we don’t really share our personal lives. So we really wanted to share that through the music. The phrase of the title track, it literally says “Love me at the ungodly hour.” It’s saying, “Love me not only when I’m at my best, but also my worst.” We feel like that wrapped up what the entire album means. 

The sound of this project is both cohesive and varied. It weaves in and out of itself expertly, but also unpredictably. I know you do a lot of your own work, but how did you work with producers to achieve that? 

Halle: Whenever it comes to us making a project, it’s very easy for my sister and I to collaborate with one another. We just know each other like the back of our hands, so we can be honest with each other. The music just naturally writes and produces itself. When it comes to collaborating with other producers, I would say we’re very open -- but also picky. We love to work with people we’re actually fans of.

For this album, some of the producers we worked with are Scott Storch, who is an angel inside and out, and also Sounwave, who does a lot of stuff with Kendrick Lamar, as well as Disclosure, which was really fun to work with them for the first time. A realized pattern in all of these amazing producers is they’re all such kind and genuine souls inside and out. We just love to collaborate with people who have the same kind of mindset as we do.

But when it comes to a majority of the production, my sister does that in her sleep. We really take ownership in writing and producing everything that we do because it’s our story to tell intimately, and everybody else should just be there to help enhance.

Do you feel like being so hands-on with your own music and creative output makes your evolution that much more critical?

Chloe: I definitely feel that because we put our complete souls into our music, and we as human beings are growing every day, that’s just naturally how the music grows with us. We used to put this unspoken pressure on ourselves, when it comes to making music and ways we could kind of level up and constantly get better, which is the case for us still.

But I think my mindset has kind of shifted more to making music that makes me happy, music that gives me chills, because I am such a big music lover and fan myself, first. So as long as I love the music and we’re allowing ourselves to create the way we’re meant to, that’s all I could ever ask for. We’re growing as women every day -- we’re learning about love and heartbreak and hardships. Of course that will help evolve the music, because we're learning about new experiences. 

Let’s talk about “Do It.” It’s such a bop; I love everything about it. How did you decide it was single material? Was it made intentionally for that purpose?

Halle: “Do It” came about very, very naturally. We worked with this beautiful woman named Victoria Monét who we had known for about a year before working with her. We had always heard about her, and heard how much of an amazing writer she was. We went to her birthday party, kind of just feeling each other out before we got into a session. The session was such a fun session.

Whenever you’re working with another Black woman who is a writer, it’s amazing because you feel like you’re connecting as sisters, in a way. Especially with the content and material of this song, it’s very party-ish vibes, “I’m out with my girls, and we’re going to have a good time.” So that was very much the energy that was in the studio when we were making it.

As well as Scott Storch, the amazing producer on “Do It,” he is a legend in this game, so we were honored that he got to produce this record for us and just once again make something that feels so good and upbeat. It was a great time. We were really happy with how it turned out, but we surprised ourselves because we didn’t know it would be the single until, I think, a few weeks later. We were listening back and were like, “Oh! This one is really good.”

“Do It” debuted on the Hot 100 at No. 83, and it’s your first entry on the chart. Congratulations! How are y’all feeling about that?

Chloe: It feels absolutely, absolutely amazing. We make music just because we love it. Anything that comes out of that, charting or any awards or anything, is so surprising and exciting for us, because that’s not why we do this. But it’s such a big reward and pat on the back when it does happen, so we’re so grateful. I’m still so happy that people are even listening to the music because we were holding onto it for so long, just listening to it with ourselves on our computers. It’s still surreal that the music is even out.

What has it been like growing up in front of the world?

Halle: I think growing up in the limelight where everybody can sort of see you has definitely been an interesting world for us. We’re just two Southern girls from Atlanta, Ga., and our parents have always instilled in us values that are so important to us, like staying humble and being kind, and just keeping these values always throughout our life, no matter how successful we get or not. So when everybody has been like, “Well, how do you feel after all of this success?” In a way, we still are in disbelief.

We still are kind of really shocked that all of these beautiful blessings are happening for us. We’re so very grateful. But at the same time, I also have to bring myself back to Earth a lot of the time, and remind myself that yes, that is an amazing accomplishment, but the world is so big and there are other amazing, important things in the world that are going on right now.  Sometimes being a celebrity-ish version of yourself is not the most important thing.

I think how I deal with growing up with people looking at me is just remembering I’m completely as normal as they are. I am the same girl from Atlanta, the same 5-year-old who just loved jazz, just loved to sing and bring some love and peace and healing with my voice. And to do whatever I can with that, I just have to not let all of the opinions of others get in my head. I just focus on why I do this, because I love it.

Did Beyoncé give you any transitional advice, as you grow with your music?

Chloe: One thing she told us very early on is, "Don’t worry about dumbing yourself down for the world — let the world catch up to you." So that piece of information has honestly been very vital for us, as we have been growing into our artistry every single day.

I appreciate Beyoncé because she lets us flourish on our own, and lets us create on our own and bring everything that we have to offer to the table. Once we feel like we’ve gotten it at a very strong place, that’s when we’ll present it to her and that’s when she’ll hear it and give us notes, if she has any.

I would just have to say that seeing how hands-on she is with her own music, and seeing how she is a fantastic business woman, it is so inspiring to my sister and I as young Black women because one day, we want to take over our own empire, as well. And if we could ever even get half of what she has accomplished, then we’ve done our job.

Every day, we just want to work harder and harder and continue to raise the bar with ourselves. Truly, the only competition you could really have is yourself, and as long as we’re growing every day, that’s all we could ask for. 

What keeps you coming back to doing cover songs?

Halle: I feel like covers are a bit like our home. We’ve always loved singing other people’s songs and putting our own twists on it. That’s something that has always brought us great joy, because if we’re not recording ourselves singing it, we’re still singing the songs around the house. So we might as well record it and let other people see it, too. That’s a way of just going back home and pinching ourselves again, singing our inspirations’ songs like Lauryn Hill and TLC and Beyoncé, all of these amazing women, especially, who we just love. It’s really nice to sing their songs and be reminded of why we love music so much, and why we do this. 

I know you postponed the release of this album out of respect for the Black Lives Matter movement. What does it mean for you to be Black women trying to create something great for the world in this climate? 

Chloe: It honestly is the most empowering feeling because each day, I’m reminded of the strength that our ancestors had, and it gives me fuel to want to be the best version of myself. Because of them, I’m here today, and my sister and I can be the sole creators and be the head of what we create and what we want people to hear from us. That’s because of them. With everything happening right now, the Black Lives Matter movement, of course that affects us. This isn’t anything new for us, because we have always been Black women.

Growing up, we were young Black girls. We have witnessed things. The world is just now catching up and noticing how wrong it has been for years and years and years. But there is power in underestimation, and our people have been underestimated for so long, but we prove them wrong every time: that we are powerful, that we are great, that we will continue to rise from the ashes. I feel empowered as a young Black woman taking charge. And I hope I’m making our whole bloodline proud. [x]

[mycheriejubilee-blog]

10:12 PM | May. 6 | 2019 | I am back!!

I don't think any of you missed me but... if any of you did, I am here so you don't have to think about when I'm coming back anymore!! A lot has happened while I was on hiatus.

So school-wise I did quite a bit. The week after I went on hiatus I had state testing. So, I completed 5 tests in 3 days. It wasn't very hard, but I really need to get better in science. I basically just skimmed through science in the 1st semester so I didn't really remember anything I learned. Plus, they brought up topics from 1-2 years ago. I was really struggling in my 1st and 2nd years of online school. So I barely focused and just rushed to get it done.

Other than that, the other tests were fine. I saw a cute boy with curly hair. It seems like 90% of guys with curly hair are cute. But he was probably like 17 or 18 so it would be pretty much illegal if we were together and all that. Very unfortunate. T-T

There was also this boy in like 5th or 6th grade that had a full on cowboy outfit... like that's cool but we were testing, so I didn't really understand why he was dressed like that. He had like a fedora hat too. But,,,,, I shouldn't judge people like that so just forget what I said about him. His outfit was nice.

OKAY BUT. Really good news! I'm going to public school after summer break!! I'm... actually going to see and interact with people!! Physically!! I have felt so lonely these past few years. Everyone says high school is terrible, even my dad said it was the worst of the worst. Is that true? I feel like it's true but I also don't want to assume everyone is annoying and stupid.

I had a choice to decide to go or stay in online school. I was mixed between feeling deep fear that everyone would judge me or something bad would happen to me and feeling excitement because I might actually find friends there...? I had only a few days to decide. But, of course I said yes to going to public school. I truly want to see what it's like. It's only been 3 years but it feels like it was an eternity of being alone. So much has happened... and I've changed so much.

So my mom enrolled me in the high school. I get to see the campus and get a tour on Thursday this week!! That's why I wanted to come back. I wanted to start posting before I went.

I also completed tests and an essay while I was gone. Currently, I actually need to do this essay. I haven't even begun to do it yet. I hate when I procrastinate. It's not even hard, I just would rather not do it! But other than that, I'm caught up. I can't fall behind at the end of the year.

Now starting from now, I'm not going to talk about anything related to school.

So, I got to play with the boy. It was actually really fun and still his voice makes me weak,,,. Like- I was waiting for him to get back online and suddenly he talked into the mic and his voice was like so much deeper I just-. It's such a blessing to hear his voice I'm not joking. T-T

ANYWAYS. I am finally caught up on the bnha manga! I wanted to catch up for weeks but I just didn't do it. Plus, it would kind of be useful for my story. I can't believe the 4th season still hasn't come out and there's this much going on in the manga!!

So, I have watched some animes. I am on the last episode of the 2nd season of Bungou Stray Dogs. It's so good!! Just a few more episodes then I will be all caught up on the anime. Then I'll have to wait a week for the next episode like everyone else. I also want to read the manga too.

So, we're actually almost done with Naruto, then we should be watching the Shippuden. I finished season 2 of free! And I am currently on season 3. I haven't gotten to it because... of school stuff. I watched like 5 minutes of Noragami. But I know I'll watch it once I finish free! I also need to start watching Demon Slayer. Thankfully, the anime just started so it won't be much to watch.

I started another anime,,, I told myself I wouldn't watch more than 1 anime at a time but,,, I lied to myself. It's called Servamp. I was searching up... stuff for my writing and I found it and watched the 1st episode. It's decent so far.

Speaking of writing, I really did get a lot of inspiration for my story from the manga and some songs too. AND! I was right! I estimated Tomura's age to be around 20 and it's canon that he's 20 currently!!

[ This paragraph below has spoilers for the bnha manga, don't read if you haven't caught up completely on the manga, or read Tomura's origin! ]

It also seems that the theorists were right about him killing his family as a child. Unless AFO messed with his mind and he actually killed them, y'all were right. I really feel like I understand him more as a character than ever!

I also came up with some more OCs and quirks they could possibly have. I have no intention of sharing my story but... if it turns out decent maybe I will.

I'm playing mystic messenger. I'm on Saeyoung's route!! There's so much drama! It's so good! And he was kind of mean at first but now he's really sweet and cute! I mean he was always cute but y'know. What happened with his family is so sad. :(( Thanks Cheritz! We don't deserve y'all!! Not being sarcastic either!!

Not last yet, but so far I have done a water change for my goldfish! They're doing really well right now. :)

Lastly,,, I have come up with a plan to better myself before public school. I intended on doing it "later" but it seems that I should geniunely start my plan now. I've had this in mind for months. Now is the time! It's really late for me now though. I'll post my plan later this week! But it should be before Thursday! There's no guarantee though.

If you read all of this, thank you! I had a lot to say since so much happened.

~ Valentina ✨🕊

[unsatisfied-dreamer]

Starlit Nights

A scenario of going out to a theme park and you aren't a fan of height but you didn't tell him. This is a bit of a romance comedy and comfort type short story with my Bias Kim Byeongkwan. I hope you enjoy it and find good and supportive relationships. <3

Byeongkwan told you to wait by the entrance gate because he already bought the tickets for today. You hope he doesn't feel too bad because you actually arrived early and he doesn't like to make you wait. Smiling to yourself he was a thoughtful gentlemen through and through. While you waited your eyes drifted up to the sky even with the lights from the park entrance the stars were so bright and could be seen. A voice that always fills your chest with warmth butterflies calls out your name. There in front of you was someone who shined brighter than any star. Your face widen into a smile seeing his smiling face and eyes shimmer with life. "Hi Byeongi~" You held your arms out as he ran to you scooping you and spinning you. As you wrapped your arms around his neck and he held onto your waist. Laughing as you both kept spinning. "Okay Kwanie can you please put me down? We're going to be spinning enough later better save up our endurance." Byeongkwan looks up at you with his bottom lip stuck out in a pout. "Fine I guess I have to put you down... after one last spin." True to his word he spun you one last final time. When your feet final met the ground again he kept your waists together looking into your eyes. You reached up to cup his face in both your hand a pressed a soft kiss onto his lips. Which he returned and then kissed your forehead stepping away but not before he grabbed your hand. Reaching into his pocket with his free hand for the tickets. "Let's get it!" You rolled your eyes laughing. "Where did you learn that? You even have me saying it now." "Come on if we don't get in there we will miss out on park time." Walking side by side. He handed the tickets to the male park attendant. After a quick thank you it was time to carry out the strategy you both planned out over chat. The one thing you were nervous about was the one ride near the end of the night. Sure rollercoasters with death drops were fine and haunted houses. Heck, even bungee jumping was alright with you. However Byeongkwan was so excited to go on the massive Ferris wheel with you that you didn't have the heart to tell him that it terrified you. All the things you weren't afraid of didn't matter. You couldn't stand disappointing your lovely and thoughtful boyfriend. If he knew of course he'd take it off the list. There was a little tug on your hand that brought your thoughts back to the moment. First up was one of your picks since he insisted "Ladies first~". The excitement of the music and crowd got you as you practically dragged him behind you. All the while he eyes grew softer as he watched how happy and carefree you were here. Normally you were pretty playful but somedays you were really weighed down with things on your plate and he wanted nothing but to take it away but he knew there was a limit. So moments like this he could help you be bursting with happiness were everything. You had become his world. You were the person who held him tightly and dearly the first time you saw his resolute and cheerful exterior crumble. No judgement in your eyes. You he was still that cheerful bright person but you understood there was sadness and a lot of pressure that could make him sad and anxious. In that way you were similar. The next day after that you were waiting beside the bed with chin on the edge next to him as he woke up. "Hey beautiful boy. I love you. More than you know. I'm glad you felt safe enough to show me how you were feeling. Byeongi, you always try so hard to give to everyone else. It's okay to take a little more than you do." With that you leaned forward and kissed both his eye lids. Still swollen from where he had cried. "Now get on out here and eat. I made my secret French toast and a mountain of bacon and eggs." With that you walked out the door turning around to smile at him. In the corner of the room was the shirt you had worn last night he soaked with tears tossed into the laundry basket.

Those memoires made it feel like he owed you. Even if you always argued he did more for you. There you sat kicking your feet next to him having the time of your life. As you both comped away on a strawberry funnel cake. Small waves of heat weaving into the air as the night got cooler. Pieces of your hair sticking up here and there looking a mess. Byeongkwan reached out and smoothed what he could. You froze for a second looked up at him through your bangs. Pulling a piece of the funnel cake off he bopped it on your nose covering it powdered sugar. "Hey!" He couldn't stop laughing and his laugh was contagious that you couldn't stay annoyed at him and began laughing with him. While he was distracted you pulled off a piece too and bopped his mouth with it. Leaving his lips covered in powered sugar. While he was laughing and distracted you dove in kissed him. After pulling back you giggled at his startled expression. "There now we're even and how else could I get all the sugar off?" Looking at you he saw you'd gotten some sugar on the corner of your mouth and brushed it off for you with his thumb. Most guys weren't nearly this fun and could relax. You really were luck and blessed to have him. It was like God gave you exactly what you had hoped for and more when you found him. The night was growing deeper. The next ride was a haunted house. Both of you had a small hobby of watching Horror movies so this was going to be one of the highlights. It was a ride through one. The story of the ride was that during a great fire. Everyone else of the great estate escaped except for Mildred. The head of staff. Not noticing sweet Mildred hadn't made it out she burned along with the great mansion. Some years pass and on nights under the full moon the mansion appears. You have to avoid Mildred or she will catch you and make you be one of the staff for eternity. Her face is said to be so burned there is no skin left. It made Byeongkwan and yours skin crawl. The creepier the better. You made it through most the ride laughing and enjoying. Except for when it sounded like the floor was breaking the cart fell down onto a track underneath. Afterwards both your hair a mess. You laughed at each other for both screaming like babies. Reenacting how high pitched you were. Byeongkwan made fun of you for screaming "Did you hear yourself it was hysterical." "Big talk for someone who screeched like a banshee." It was well down to the last thing on the list. Byeongkwan pushed you along from behind bouncing on his feet. He was so excited eyes shinning. Ready to ride the Ferris wheel like many of the other couples in line. He had looked up this park on line and couples raved about how romantic and beautiful the view was. You did your best to not think about your fears and smile along with him. Hoping your boyfriend won't notice any change in your behavior. The thing is he's really good on picking up changes in moods. As you got closer the more nervous you felt. Eventually you decided the best thing to do was lean onto Byeongkwan and play it off as you wanting to cuddle. Which you did it was the only thing keeping you from running. It was unfortunately your turn now. "Let's go it's our turn come one Y/N~ I'm so excited." Forcing a smile you followed behind him into the open sided car. It wasn't so bad till the wheel started to move and the car swung slightly side to side. Your started to go rigid. Thankfully ByeongKwan was looking at the view. "Oh my gosh, you gotta look at the view it's amazing~ Y/N?"

It was then he realized that something was wrong. You were frozen stiff and your eyes were shaking. You were afraid. He'd rarely seen it but he knew. Why hadn't he picked up on it sooner. He began to feel terrible. Why didn't she say something, why didn't he notice. "Y/n you're scared aren't you?" He stopped to sigh and shake his head, "Why didn't you say so. It started in line didn't it? I took it as you being tired." Within in seconds your effort to not cry shook you. Tears in your eyes hating the fear you had because it was stupid. Slamming your eyes shut you started to speak in a wobbling voice. "I'm sorry I know it's stupid but this is the one thing here that scares me... and... and..." Byeongkwan slide closer to you and pulled your hands into his lap rubbing the back of them with his thumbs. "Hey, you shouldn't have to be ashamed you're scared. Even if you think it's stupid. Look at me." You pried your eyes open as the tears threatened to fall. "We're you trying to impress me or something? I don't think you weak or anything. So why? Talk to me please Y/n." He had his lip stuck out in a pout which he knew would normally always get you give up information. Your throat burned and as you opened you mouth tears started rolling down your cheeks. "Hey hey Y/n. Calm down and breathe first." Leading you through a few breaths. "Byeongi you were so excited to ride this together. It was the one thing you insisted on doing and I didn't want to... to... say no and make you disappointed." Now with you chin pointed down Byeongkwan had to lean down to peer into your eyes. He gently held your face tilting it up and brushing the tears away with his fingers. "Keep that up and your makeup is going to run." He said hoping to get a laugh out of you. All he got was a sad half laugh. As a few more stray tears rolled down. He looked sadly at you for a moment. His eyes were deep and dull as he felt his heart ache thinking how upset you must to be acting so unlike yourself. "Hey, please promise me this won't happen again. You'll tell me so you don't put yourself in distress for me. I only chose this because I was so happy about seeing you up here eyes all bright and smiling and we could be alone for a little here at the park. But that back fired huh? You wouldn't disappointed me by saying no. Okay." He looked you right in the eyes and you knew from how he whispered that last sentence he meant it. All you do was nod and he gave a small sad smile and kissed your cheek. You collapsed into his side shaking from how the ride swung slightly and the thought of how high it was. He kept shushing you and turned your face so it was hidden in his shirt as your arm snaked around his waist. Gripping hard onto him as you shook and his kissed the top of your head. As he hummed the tune of 5TAR. He felt a little helpless and the only thing he could think of was to put you on his lap and wrap his arm around you. Bad as this all was now he saw how much you trusted him. Never before had you shown this vulnerability and let your guard down. Your face now was tucked into his neck and your arms snaked around his neck. You were so focused on not looking that you hadn't noticed it was time to get off till Byeongkwan stood up and walked out of the car carrying you. Pulling your face away from his neck you spoke in a small voice. "I can walk Byeongi." "I know you can but you don't have to and plus you're still shaking like a kitten. It's alright close your eyes." There was no fighting him on it and you knew it. So you rested your face against his neck. This night had some great moments and some bad moments but in the end. Maybe it wasn't all so bad. You realized maybe you should tell him the truth more and be willing to trust him with your things you aren't so proud of. Maybe tonight isn't so bad. I don't think Y/N has ever shown this much of herself and spoken so openly about being upset to me. I trust her fully maybe now she'll know she can count on me too like that. With that he pressed a kiss to Y/N's head. The end.

[dukereviewsmovies]

Duke Reviews: A Christmas Carol

Hi Everyone, I'm Andrew Leduc And Welcome To Duke Reviews Where We're Continuing Duke's Yultide Reviews...

And I Have A Slight Problem...

On Today's Show I'm Doing Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol, But Here's The Thing There Are So Many Adaptatons Of A Christmas Carol That If I Do All Of Them I Will Basically Be Doing The Same Review About A Billion Times So, Here's What I'm Going To Do I Am Going To Do What I Believe To Be The One True Christmas Carol Adaptation And Do That...

Sure, There Are Those Once In A Lifetime Adaptations That Do Something Completely Different With The Tale With Some Being Good And Others Being Different And Yes, I Will Be Talking About Some Of Those Another Time...

But What Christmas Carol Adaptation Do I Believe Is The Best? Well, Charles Dickens (Acting Like Patton) You Magnificent Bastard, I Read Your Book!

As Much As I Think That I Really Don't Have To Go Over The Plot For This Story As Everyone Basically Knows It I'll Go Over It Anyway For Those That Are Watching This Film For The First Time, George C. Scott Plays Ebenezer Scrooge, A Miserable Old Miser Who Is Visited By The Spirit Of His Former Partner, Jacob Marley Who Tells Him That He Will Be Haunted By 3 Spirits...

Just 3? I Was Hoping For 999...

Who Will Help Scrooge Repent His Evil Miserly Ways, Will They Succeed?

Let's Find Out As We Watch A Christmas Carol...

The Movie Starts Exactly Like The Novel Does With Jacob Marley Being Dead As A Doornail, Our Viewers Must Know This Or Nothing Wonderful Will Come From The Story That I Am Reviewing...

Our Story Starts In Scrooge's Counting House, As Bob Cratchit (Played By David Warner, Who Most People Know For His Role As Mr. Lovejoy In Titanic) Recounts For His Boss, Ebenezer Scrooge That 7 Years Ago That Day, Scrooge's Former Partner, Jacob Marley Passed Away...

Asking Cratchit To Get Back To Work, Bob Goes To Get Some Coal For The Fire Before Going Back To Work, Scrooge Tells Him No, Stating That Coal Is Too Costly And Therefore They Will Not Burn Any For The Rest Of The Day...

Being Visited By His Nephew, Fred Who Wishes Him Merry Christmas Scrooge Only Tells Him

I Realize That This Isn't From This Movie But It's The Only Scrooge Saying Humbug I Could Find So Bear With Me...

But With Fred Saying God Bless It, He Invites His Uncle To Dinner But Scrooge Declines Stating That He'd Rather See Himself In Hell First. Not Happy To See His Uncle So Resolute Fred Leaves Wishing Scrooge A Merry Christmas And A Happy New Year...

Going To The Exchange, Bob Hands Mr. Scrooge His Hat To Which Scrooge Realizes That Bob Will Want The Whole Of Christmas Day Off Tomorrow While Not Too Happy About It, Scrooge Tells Bob To Take The Day Off But To Be There Early The Next Morning...

Arriving At The Exchange, Where After He Talks With Some Businessmen About Corn, He Talks With 2 Gentlemen Collecting Money For The Poor (One Of Them Being Played By Alfred Pennyworth From Tim Burton's Batman) But Refusing Them, Scrooge Exits...

Leaving Work, Bob Meets His Son, Tiny Tim Outside Of Scrooge's Office As He Tells Him That He's To Have The Whole Day Off Tomorrow...

Wow, That Line Sounded Like The Kid Read It Off Of Cue Cards...

Walking Home, Scrooge Soon Hears A Voice Calling His Name, Eventually Arriving At His House, He Soon Sees The Knocker On His Door Change Into The Face Of His Former Partner, Jacob Marley...

Going Upstairs To His Room, Scrooge Puts On His Best Dressing Gown, Only To See The Face Of Jacob Marley Within The Fireplace As Bells Start Ringing Eratically And Chains Are Heard Throughout The Place As Scrooge's Bedroom Locks Are Unlocked So The Spirit Of Marley Can Appear Before Him...

Oops, Wrong Spirit...

I Meant To Say The Spirit Of Jacob Marley, Not Bob Marley...

(Start At 3:20, End At 8:46)

And Just As He Came, Marley's Ghost Leaves...

Not Buying It All For One Minute, Scrooge Goes To Sleep, Only To Wake Up At 1:00 To See Nothing At First However A Bright Light Soon Shines To Reveal The Ghost Of Christmas Past, Who Takes Scrooge Back To His Childhood At Boarding School...

Watching Himself Grow Older As The Years Pass By, Scrooge Watches As His Sister Fan...

Fan? I Know I'm Probably Asking A Moot Question Here But Who Names Their Daughter Fan? Fran, I Can Understand As That's A Name But Fan Just Is Not A Name A Fan Is A Way To Keep Yourself Cool When It's Hot But It's Not A Name...

But As I Was Saying, Scrooge Watches As His Sister, Fan, Takes Ebenezer Home In A Carriage With His Father (Who Looks Like That One Guy With The Weird Eye That Always Appears In Adam Sandler Movies) Who Has Gotten Him An Apprenticeship At Mr. Fezziwig's Establishment...

So, Going Forward In Time, We See Scrooge At Fezziwig's Establishment Where They Prepare For Their Christmas Eve Party...

And It's There That Scrooge Met Belle...

Not Her!

But As I Was Saying, This Is Where Scrooge Met Belle And Fell In Love With Her...

Going Forward In Time Once More We Watch As Belle Breaks Up With Scrooge, Believing That He Loves Money More Than He Loves Her...

Now, I Get Why Belle Does What She Does The Story I Get It, But In This Version It Seems Like Despite Loving Money He Still Has Feelings For Her And It's Like She's Trying To Make Him Choose Between Having Money Or Having Her Which Is Just Ridiculous...

It's Like Having To Choose Whether To Have A House Or Live On The Street And I'm Sorry But I Think Any Logical Person Would Choose Having A House...

Not Liking What The Spirit Is Showing Him, Scrooge Kills The Ghost? I Don't Know But He Winds Up Back In His Room, Only For The Second Ghost To Appear, The Ghost Of Christmas Present...

Taking A hold Of The Spirits Robe, They Go One Day Into The Future To Christmas Day As He Takes Him To Bob Cratchit's House As Him And His Family Sit Down For Christmas Day Dinner...

Quick 'll mFact: Cratchit's Wife Is Played By Susannah York, Who Played Marlon Brando's Wife Lara In Both Superman The Movie And The Original Richard Lester Cut Of Superman 2...

Asking About Tiny Tim, The Spirit Tells Scrooge That If These Shadows Remain Untouched, The Child Will Die...

Moving On, They Travel To The House Of Scrooge's Nephew, Fred Where Him, His Wife And Their Friends Play A Game...

Travelling To One More Place Before The Spirit's Time Is Up, He Takes Scrooge To The Poor Row...

(Start At 0:14)

With The Spirit's Time Up, He Abandons Scrooge Where He Is But Not For Long As The Final Ghost Appears Before Him, The Ghost Of Christmas Yet To Come...

Taking Scrooge Into The Future To The Exchange He Hears The Gentlemen Talk About Someone Who Has Died Yet They Never Mention Who...

Taking Scrooge Back To His Room To See The Man Who Has Died But He Does Not Wish To Do That Saying That He Understands However There Has To Feel Emotion Over This Man's Death And Asks The Ghost To Take Him To That Person....

The Spirit Takes Him To See His Maid Selling Some Stuff That Belonged To The Man In Question...

Upset That This Is Not Sadness But Greed And Advirice, Scrooge Asks The Spirit Again To Take Him To Someone Who Cares About This Man...

This Leads The Spirit To Take Scrooge To Bob Cratchit's House Where Scrooge Discovers That Tiny Tim Has Died...

Taking Scrooge To A Cemetery After Showing Him That, The Spirit Shows Him The Grave Of The Man That Died When Scrooge Asks Him Who Is The Man That Died?...

Discovering It To Be Himself, He Tells The Spirit That He Is Not The Man That He Was And That From This Day Forth He Will Honor Christmas...

Waking Up In His Bed, Scrooge Has Been Reborn...

(Start At 0:39, End At 1:38)

Getting Dressed, Scrooge Meets The Boy And The Poulturer And Tells Him To Take It To Bob Cratchit's, Saying That It's From A Friend...

Walking Through The Streets, Scrooge Runs Into The Gentlemen Collecting Money For The Poor, Apologizing To Them And Offering A Unique Sum Of Money...

With The Turkey Arriving At Bob Cratchit's, He At First Believes It To Be A Mistake, But Explaining Everything, They Decide To Cook It For Christmas Dinner. While Scrooge Goes To Fred's To Have Christmas Dinner With Him And His Wife...

(Start At 4:13, End At 7:23)

The Next Day, Scrooge Arrives At Office Before Bob Cratchit And Decides To Play A Little Prank On Bob, By Acting Like His Former Self For A Second Only Instead Of Firing Bob For Being Late, Scrooge Offers Bob A Raise And To Help His Family Anyway He Can..

And That's A Christmas Carol With George C. Scott And Despite One Or 2 Nitpicks I Absolutely Love This Adaptation....

What Say About It? The Way They Handled The Story Is Great, They Had A Good Cast, What Special Effects They Had Were Fantastic I Just Honestly Love This Movie And I Say See It...

Before We Go, I Would Like To Talk About Some Other Adaptations Of The Tale That I Believe Are Worth A Watch...

The Jim Carrey Version, Which Is Probably The Second Most Accurate Adaptation Of Charles Dickens Story Despite People Hating It Because It's Jim Carrey, Mister Magoo's Christmas Carol, Basically A Musical Version Of A Christmas Carol With Mr. Magoo In It, The Stingiest Man In Town, Another Musical Version Of The Tale Done By Rankin-Bass With Walter Matthau As Scrooge, Bugs Bunny's Christmas Carol, A Version Of The Tale Which Has The Looney Tunes As All The Characters From The Book, A Flintstones Christmas Carol, The Flintstones Put On A Play Of The Novel While Hijinks Go On Backstage, The TNT Version With Patrick Stewart, Another One Of The Better Adapted Versions Of The Tale With An Amazing Performance From Patrick Stewart As Scrooge, A Christmas Carol: The Musical, A Musical Version Of The Tale That Aired On NBC That Starred Kelsey Grammar As Scrooge, Jason Alexander As Jacob Marley, Jane Krakowski As The Ghost Of Christmas Past, The Flash's Jessie L. Martin As The Ghost Of Christmas Present And Geraldine Chaplin As The Ghost Of Christmas Yet To Come With Lyrics By Little Mermaid And Beauty And The Beast's Alan Menken...

Now, I Know I Didn't Mention A Few Versions Including The Disney Version And The Muppet Version But Because I'm Going To Talk About Those And Ones That Are Different But Follow The Same Storyline Like Scrooged With Bill Murray Another Time...

So, Until Then, This Is Duke, Signing Off

[mycasandstarrs]

SPN 8x21: “The Great Escapist”

THEN: Cas takes the angel tablet and runs. Naomi. The three trials to close the Gates of Hell. After each completed trial, Sam seems to be doing worse. Kevin’s convinced Crowley knows where he is. Now he’s in the wind.

Back at Fizzles Folly??

Ahh, ok, HERE are demon Sam and Dean.

“You forgot the knock. What's the point of a secret knock if you don't use it?” And that’s when Kevin knew...but he played along.

Why that face thoo.

“We got a tip that Crowley was moving his earth-side operations, so we, uh, laid ourselves an awesome trap.”

“So, uh, Special K, you keep your nose to the God-stone, we're gonna drive out and make a lotta noise a long way from here, keep the safeboat safe for you.”

Yeah, this is definitely not Sam and Dean.

“You. Fake Sam. If you're gonna tip our hand, I'll have to scrub Kevin's short-term memory again. And that's risky, so watch the patois in there.”

“Patois?”

“Your slang. Special K, nose to the God-stone, that's the way Dean speaks. Sam is... more basic, more sincere.”

Crowley has a good read on Sam and Dean tho.

“Alright, here we go. John Winchester's famous cure-all kitchen sink stew. There you go. Enough cayenne pepper in there to burn your lips off, just like Dad used to make.”

Nurse Dean.

“The bloody handkerchiefs, the fever, the shaky legs... this is not good.”

“Well, I'm not good. And I'm not going to be good until we can start moving again. Until I can start the third trial.”

Was that supposed to make Dean feel better?

So Crowley definitely sent this message, right?

“Sam, Dean. I've set up this message with some software on a remote server so it'd send itself to you if I didn't reset it with a command once a week. Which means I didn't reset it this week. And there's only one reason I wouldn't. Which means if you're watching this, then I... then I— I'm dead. I'm dead, you bastards! So screw you, screw God and everybody in between!...Crowley must've gotten to me. And the one thing I know is that I won't break this time. Not sure how I know, but— but I do. I've been uploading all my notes, the translations, I'm sending you the links so you can get all of it. You guys are gonna have to try to figure out the rest. I'm sorry. I know it was my job, but I— but I couldn't...I'm sorry.”

That’s about as well as Dean takes Kevin’s real death.

“Garth still MIA?”

“Yeah.”

Garth is officially MIA aka officially a werewolf. 

“How about the other prophets in line? I mean if Kevin is, uh... is dead, then won't one of them be activated?”

“Nothing, no, not a peep.”

There's your clueee.

“We should've moved him here.” Yeah, that’s a great idea! Do it when you get him back.

Santa Fe, New Mexico.

Cas looks so strung out.

“Uh, I'm sorry, mister, but you're gonna have to order more than coffee if you wanna keep the table.”

“Of— of course, um. I'll have the smart-heart beer-battered tempura tempters.”

That actually sounds good.

“They're getting closer.” Time to go.

Ion. An interesting name.

Palm Bay, Florida. Denver, Colorado. Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Portland, Oregon. St. Louis, Missouri...so on and so forth.

“He's using a clever tactic. It's a restaurant called Biggerson's. The humans have built hundreds of them, almost exactly alike....Castiel is using it against us. Now, we try to orient ourselves, but it's as if we're in every Biggerson's at once— Trapped in a quantum superposition. Now, he chooses which to go to next—That's what's giving him the edge.”

That’s an amazing strategy.

“Very well. You say he can't be caught? Then we will simply have to make him stop.”

Sam took a humanities course at Stanford.

“This one belonged to a tiny tribe in Colorado, more of a— a clan, really. It says here they held on to their scrap of mountains when all the other tribes fell to the white men. So this glyph was a territorial marker—closest translation: ‘messenger of God’.” Sam’s got it.

“Messenger of God—Dean, we have to go there!....I'm only gonna get worse. I mean, until we get back to the real job, until we find the third trial—we're out of prophets! We're not gonna figure out what Kevin couldn't! I'd say we go to this messenger of God who wrote it in the first place!” I know he’s right, but Sam looks and sounds off his rocker.

“And you think this Metatron is hiding out in the mountains with a bunch of Indians.”

“Yeah! Yeah, I do....You're not— you're not really supposed to say Indians, it's... We should go.”

This is one of the worst things Naomi has done, and that’s saying something.

RIP people at Biggerson’s. Killed by angels.

Cas wanted to heal her. :(

Route 34, Colorado.

Sam can hear something Dean can not.

RIP Kara, Cas’ waitress. Killed by Naomi.

“How— how many times have you torn into my head and washed it clean?”

“Frankly? Too damn many.”

Oh yeah sure, brag about your brainwashing. That’ll make you look good.

“Honestly, I think you came off the line with a crack in your chassis. You have never done what you were told. Not completely. You don't even die right, do you?”

HE DOESN’T STAY DEAD AT ALL B I C T H

“Where is the angel tablet, Castiel?”

“In the words of a— good friend... bite me.”

Balthazar.

“Go. Search all these Biggerson's. He must have hidden it along the way.” DId he now?

“I can barely see. I need food.”

“Alright, uh, barbecue ribs, mashed potatoes...”

“Garlic mashed potatoes.”

“Garlic mashed potatoes, mixed greens with... baby lettuce, cornbread, and, uh, Pad Thai?”

“Garth says there's a good little place on the other side of town.”

Kevin took complete advantage of these demons, bless his heart. 

“If I wasn't running everything, I could've played Dean myself.”

“Oh, you would've made a great Dean, sir.”

I actually agree.

Winchester stories!

“Hey, you remember when uh... when Dad took us to the bottom of the Grand Canyon, on that pack-mule ride?”

“The what?”

“And you're, uh... your mule kept farting, just— l-letting go, like, gale force?”

“Dude, you were like, four years old. I barely remember that.”

“I'm gonna— I'm gonna, uh. I'm gonna follow the hotel manager, D-Dr. Scowley-scowl. He's like a villain from Scooby-Doo.” Why are you so precious, Sammy?

“No, hey, uh, little big man? You should get some rest.”

“Yeah, I can do that too.”

Me.

“What did the great spirit's sacred messenger ask for?”

“Stories. He asked the people to tell him stories.”

Sam finds the boxes of books...then passes out trying to call Dean. 

“I'm just going to have to pull you apart, aren't I?” That would’ve worked.

RIP angel. Killed by Crowley.

“Found you on the floor, passed out, your temperature was a 107. I had to force it down or you were toast.”

Metatron is definitely there.

“I had my R&D people melt down one of your angel blades, cast it into bullets. Seems to do the trick.” Huh, AU!Bobby discovers that little trick too.

“That's right, Cas. I got me an angel on the payroll.” Wow, Ion.

“You guys were right, I— I do need the other half of the tablet to get the trial. It's not too far from here.”

“Awesome. Uh, what's the 10-20?”

Fake!Dean got the lingo right, at least.

“I've been getting regular updates from my expensive friend here.” What did it take to buy Ion out?

Castiel SWALLOWED THE DAMN ANGEL TABLET. WHAT A MADMAN!

“Spanish Flea” by Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass.  

“The kid told us where the other half was, but it... wasn't. Dab of crap tricked us, sent us into some kind of Hunter mousetrap.”

Kevin has style.

Dean used to read to Sam! I’m telling you, I love learning the smallest details about characters.

“Knights of the Round Table. Had all of King Arthur's knights, and they were all on the quest for the Holy Grail. And I remember looking at this picture of Sir Galahad, and, and, and he was kneeling, and— and light streaming over his face, and— I remember... thinking, uh, I could never go on a quest like that. Because I'm not clean. I mean, I w— I was just a little kid. You think... maybe I knew? I mean, deep down, that— I had... demon blood in me, and about the evil of it, and that I'm— wasn't pure?”

H O W could a young child ever think that?????

Again, I know he’s right but he doesn’t come off as convincing.

Look at all those books! What a dream room.

Hello Metatron, you fcikgn worm.

“What, you really haven't heard of us? What kind of angel are you, we're— we're the freaking Winchesters.” lmao Sam.

Cas swallowed the damn angel tablet AND pulled a bullet out of him. My hero.

“You little prat. Having fun yet?”

“Screw you.”

Fuck yeah, Kevin!

“It started when they forgot the secret knock. But really, it— it was the way they acted.”

“So... my demons were too polite?”

“Yeah.”

“What about Gabriel? And Raphael?”

“Dead.”

Half right at the time.

(Irrelevant-ish question, but what happened to the Words of God in the Apocalypse AU?)

“You soldiers, down in the garrison, at least they let you believe the lie. Upstairs, working for Naomi, working in intelligence, we had no option but to live in the dirt. She never reset me completely. I always knew too much, I had to— I had to do my job.” Ion’s last words.

“Ion...shut up.”

RIP Ion. Killed by Cas.

“That is the true flower of free will. At least as you've mastered it so far. When you create stories, you become gods, of tiny, intricate dimensions unto themselves. So many worlds!”

One thing I have in common with Metatron: our love of storytelling.

“You know what? Pull the frigging trigger.”

“What?”

“Pull the freaking trigger, you cowardly piece of garbage.”

Okay, Sam, hold on.

“You want a story? Try Kevin Tran's story. He was just a kid. He was a good, straight-A kid, and then he got sucked in to all of this— this angel crap. He became a prophet, of the Word of God. Your prophet. Now, you should've been looking out for him, but no! Instead, you're here, holed up, reading books.”

“He’s dead now. Because of you.”

I don't know about that. At least, not yet.

“You have no idea what's on this demon tablet. Right, the power you could have gotten with this, if you weren't running around like a chicken with his head cut off.”

“You think I can't make you tell?”

“I know you can’t. And you do too.”

Kevin was so resilient when he wanted to be.

The power of Metatron compels you!

Metatron saved and healed Kevin.

“You really intend on closing the doors of Hell?”

“Seems like the thing to do, don't it?”

“It's your choice. And that's what this has all been about, the choices your kind make. But you're gonna have to weigh that choice. Ask yourself: what is it going to take to do this, and what will the world be like after it's done?”

Oh boy.

Trial #3. Cure a demon.

Holy mother of god.

“Cas?”

“A little help here?”

Team Free Will reunion.