#i got choked up im not even kkididng :.)

[nelladivinita]

It’s okay!! No need to be sorry :3c

And yes I agree with him being less emotional to your needs and his own; like it’s just a headspace of worship and giving himself to his dark lord. Maybe he’s always just felt a little bit detached from himself whenever he puts the paint on, but the intimacy of you helping him put it on changes something almost? It’s like a form of private worship together with Satan, and it’s like something shifts in him? Daskjf feel free to let me know if none of this makes sense whatsoever but! I love the idea of how the addition of you in the equation of him being papa touches something in him. Not necessarily like, a ‘touching way’ kind of touch, but like you mentioned of just ritualistic and animalistic side of him; it feels so much more personal and intense in a way that brings him pleasure vs the detachment he felt before. 

And the comedown from it? You two develop a sort of ‘aftercare’ routine for the two of you when he ‘comes back to you’. I’m again feral over the idea of helping him unwind and wiping off his paint for him; but like imagine intimate moments when it’s the two of you after a ritual or something, and you lead him into the bathroom, the water already running and the room filling with the aroma of essential oils; lavender maybe. It’s lit with low candle lights that flicker gently, whispering to each other as you help each other undress. You love helping him out of his clothes, unbuttoning each button and stripping him of the man he is at the altar until it’s just you and him. Likewise, he helps you out of your clothes as well, pressing soft kisses against your skin as he peels each layer off you; lips brushing against some ticklish spots occasionally and curling upward when you try to stifle your giggles. 

The two of you settle into the tub with you straddling him in his lap facing him so you gently begin the process of breaking him down, using a soft washcloth to wipe off streaks of paint. It’s around here where the ‘aftercare’ helps him the most; of settling back into his own skin. Sometimes you murmur softly to each other, sometimes it’s quiet with just the sounds of water and gentle splashes. When the two of you eventually finish getting clean, he usually pulls you into his lap against him, burying his face into your wet hair sometimes, breathing in the soft and fresh scent of your shampoo. You let him stay like that until he’s ready.  (SORRY THIS GOT A BIT LONG)

-loveletter anon <3

Don't apologize for the length it's okay!! I loved reading this you're a wonderful writer! You're great at portraying atmosphere I felt physically like, warm and like I was there which is such a cliche thing to say but I felt it enough to say it and actually mean it !!! eheheh

I love what you said about your presence bringing him comfort rather than detachment because I think canonically that is what Secondo really needed. He felt so used, stifled, controlled by his church, that to imagine him as disillusioned when looking in the mirror and understanding that despite his devotion to Satan and to his efforts to spreading messages against shame and for personal autonomy, he himself still lacks those things feels so true to his character. But the way you care for him is so grounding that it helps him remember why he does all of this, and that maybe through him things really can change within the clergy and outside of it <3 it really is achievable, and that fact enough is what he needs to keep going. He could also benefit from words of reassurance - that you see an end in sight for his monumental plans for the church, that you notice the details he misses looking at a crowd as opposed to the individual followers that you maybe mingle with person to person. He loves hearing your stories from followers about how he's doing <3

I love the idea of aftercare for Secondo a lot :,)) I feel like he's the Papa that gets the least softness?? It's always rough and aggressive and he's always the one giving more delicate affection but never receiving and the man needs warmth too!!!!!! So anyway you end up in bed together and he's lying on top of you holding you around your waist and you're hugging his head and maybe rubbing his neck and kissing him all over his scalp, scratching it softly, you can feel him get the kind of goose bumps that make him chuckle and rumble - he Does kiss you back! on the soft skin of your stomach, but he's just SO TIRED that it doesn't last very long; maybe a few red marks from him sucking softly at you just to hear you laugh, but eventually he just relaxes and sinks onto you, (so heavy!) but you don't mind because when he finally falls asleep you swear you can see him as a young man, long before the church took him away from himself and he's just so pure and kind and hopeful for a bright future for himself and for the clergy and for the two of you <3