#i guess since i’m a cis woman i don’t really have to think about this irl for myself but like online when you don’t have that physical +

[kokoasci]

it’s something like unimportant but it always makes me so happy when i see someone correctly gender me online

like i know most people use “they” to be safe but in reblogs when i see stuff like “i love her art” it makes me feel so seen that someone went and checked my pronouns to make sure to use the correct ones

[neopuppy]

Who do you think it's the nastiest in nct? (in a sexual way ofc)

I feel like both jaemin and jaehyun give off some perturbing vibes, i love jeno, specially fanfic jeno ( I'm joking hahaha), but he screams very nice to me , just like Johnny, i mean they can be nasty but it's not in a perturbed way idk if you get me

I think I’ve said this before but I think nearly all of them would be such a disappointment irl lmao. thats why fanfics cool, bc its not likely we’ll ever fuck any of them to find out anyway, and even if we did….. most of them probably wouldn’t live up to the fantasy in our minds idk

(like for example: the way czennies like to convince themselves that Judy must be fucking someone…..meanwhile she on here reading my Jeno fics like the rest of you🤷🏻‍♀️ idk if I had the real thing….why would I be reading abt the fictional one!!! but thats my opinion😬)

if I had to say who’s ever implied they could get nasty nasty it’s probably Taeyong or Ten, but I don’t wanna think about TY fucking and Ten……nctzens have really ruined my ability to fangirl for him. they try to do this with my other biases, like as far as twitters concerned Jeno’s a flaming homosexual baby girl, and he could be who knows! but as a heterosexual cis gendered woman……I’m looking at men who have never discussed their sexual preferences with us as fans and sell us a fantasy and going with that. so. its hard though when it feels like a major part of the fandom are very abrasive with their opinions that are bible according to them……I guess Jeno personally told them all that he lets Jaemin top him idk idk🤨

I don’t think Johnny would be nasty persay BUT I think he’d be one of the least awkward/more passionate and accommodating? like he’d make you feel the most comfortable and dare I say…..talk you through it😮‍💨 I’m sure he could get nastyish tho, but I see him as very ~gentle giant~ in reality, he’s a little too good at that sweet easy going persona for me to not believe it’s not partially true. STILL…….MY FICTIONAL JOHNNY LAYS PIPE DOWNNNN, breeding kink, daddy kink, and medium dom bc he can go soft or hard with you😗 this has a lot to do with maturity as I do see him as one of the more level headed and mature members, but also I’m kind of extreme delusional abt Johnny so……

I think Jaemin would be an absolute dud in bed, sorry guys ,!:&&,/‘amzmmamxmx he gives boring, not freaky, and like…..traditional. he prob hits two positions at most. a shame bc my fictional Jaemin…….he’s wild.

dare I say………Jeno’s probably a lover, he’s so soft I can’tttttttt. BUT I know there’s a beast there, and his stamina’s definitely crazy, I do think he likes some emotional sex though, but…..whatever😅

idk who else could be freaky, I feel like the fandom leans to painting Taeyong/Yuta/Ten that way since they experiment more with their looks(understandable, as a goth thot stereotype myself). ultimately it’s more about what their partners comfortable with. not everyone’s into getting nasty……can’t relate, but hey we’ll always have fanfic🤝💚

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Psycho Analysis: Lois Einhorn/Ray Finkle

(WARNING! This analysis contains LETHAL LEVELS OF TRANSPHOBIA! Literally what the FUCK!)

I have wanted to review Ace Ventura for a long, long time. I mean, this was part of Jim Carrey’s break into the big time alongside Dumb & Dumber and The Mask, two films I wouldn’t hesitate to call comedy classics. But then there’s Ace Ventura, a film many would say sits alongside those… and to a degree, it does. The titular character may be one of the funniest and most awesome film protagonists ever made, and for the most part it is a genuinely funny comedic mystery.

But then comes the twist.

The villain of the film is revealed to be Lois Einhorn, a cop that Ace had been working with. But that’s not actually the real twist. No, the real twist is that Einhorn is disgraced football player Ray Finkle… and thus, a man. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see the problem here.

Finkle/Einhorn has long been considered one of the most transphobic characters in 90s media, and it is genuinely hard to disagree. But is there anything of value to them? Is this character really as bad as people say? Well, I’m going to tell you how I feel, though two things need to be kept in mind. First, I’m a cis guy. I am going to be upfront and say I agree this character is horribly problematic, but I definitely recommend seeking out what actual trans people have to say about Finkle as well (this video’s a good place to start). Second, I’m going to be using “They/Them” pronouns for Finkle. I’m doing this mainly because the movie is wildly unclear about how they view their own gender identity, and it’s actually unclear if they’re actually trans or just so insane they’ve gone to the biggest extremes to disguise themselves as a woman for their vengeance since, you know, the movie doesn’t particularly care about their gender identity beyond it being a vehicle for mockery.

Now, let’s go ahead and open this big ol’ can of worms...

Motivation/Goals: Finkle’s motivation is where they really shine, because it’s genuinely insane and amazing. They ended up being shunned by society and disgraced after a screw up that cost the Miami Dolphins the Super Bowl, and went completely insane from the derision. This led to them concocting an absurdly complicated plan that involved the kidnapping of the team’s mascot, rising through the ranks of the police department, and assuming the name of a dead hiker, all to kidnap and kill their former teammate Dan Marino for his role in their fumble. It’s so brilliantly batshit!

Oh, and they decide to unndergo a sex change as part of this scheme. It’s done as tastefully as you can imagine a 90s comedy would do.

Performance: Blade Runner’s Sean Young plays Finkle-as-Einhorn (and even portrays Finkle in a photograph back when they were a man). Whatever problems this character has, I don’t think it’s completely fair to blame them on Young; she does a relatively good job playing a comedic femme fatale villain when it comes right down to it. If the writing were better, this could easily be a career highlight for her. Alas, that’s not the world we live in.

Final Fate: They get arrested. I guess it’s better than them getting killed? They were in a room full of cops, it was the early 90s, and they are presenting as a woman while being assigned male at birth. It is genuinely a miracle that the worst thing that happened to them is that they were sexually harassed by Jim Carrey.

Evilness: This is the tricky one. On the one hand, Finkle has quite a list of genuine crimes under their belt: Murder, kidnapping, attempted murder, animal abuse… They might also be responsible for the death of the original Lois Einhorn, but it’s extremely ambiguous and I’m not going to hold it against them. On the other hand, Finkle’s downfall and subsequent shunning by their own hometown to the point their life was destroyed and they were driven insane is so over-the-top in how cruel it is that it’s kind of hard not to feel a little bit of sympathy for them. Like hell, I think I’d go batshit insane too ifI got treated like that for a mistake that was out of my hands! The narrative is trying to say they should score a 4 or even 5, but I think they’re more around a 3, a tragic villain who was driven to madness. It’s certainly a high three because it’s hard to excuse some of their worse actions, but I’m feeling a little more lenient towards them than the movie is.

Worst Scene: The big gender reveal at the end, of course.

Let’s ignore that dolphins have been observed having gay sex before. Let’s also ignore there is a non-zero chance that someone on the police force isn’t totally straight; there was a cop in the Village People for a reason, after all. Setting all that aside, this just isn’t fucking funny. It’s just a tasteless, bottom-of-the-barrel gag cranked up to eleven. I know the 90s weren’t the most enlightened years, but this is still excessive, especially since this is the gag the entire movie’s central mystery builds up to.

Final Thoughts & Score: There is so much to unpack here. Like, unbelievable amounts. This is a villain in a fucking detective comedy film, this really shouldn’t have to be so goddamn hard to talk about!

This character is just so stuffed full of offensive stereotypes that there is genuinely no charitable read for them. Looking at what the film is laying out for you, we have a man who has gone to insane lengths to disguise themselves as a woman for their revenge scheme, the sort of lengths that are usually reserved for people who are actually trans. So this isn’t even straightforward transphobia, it’s invoking the “trap” stereotype. For those of you blessed with ignorance, the “trap” is a nasty stereotype of trans woman that essentially believes they are a man disguised as a woman looking to rape unsuspecting men. It’s a pretty vile term that was and still is pretty popular among the coomer crowd, so yeah, not a good look when your character is what 4channers were calling Bridget Guilty Gear for years.

But hey, maybe the transphobia is just accidental! Even the director has said the intended joke with stuff like Ace barfing after discovering the truth is meant to be a dig at how fragile his masculinity really is if he falls to pieces over something like kissing a man! So instead of transphobia, the joke is… homophobia! Yay? This excuse doesn’t even hold water when the entire police force and the fucking dolphin barf at the big reveal too.

All of this is bad enough, but here’s the kicker: Aside from that massive, glaring flaw, Finkle is actually a genuinely good villain for a story like this. Their plan is insane and convoluted, perfectly fitting into a comedic narrative, but they’re also a genuinely threatening villain when they need to be. But this just makes it all the worse, because they took this good idea, wrapped it up in the sort of shit Joanne Rowling writes for her crappy detective novels, and then made it the punchline the whole movie builds up to.

If it weren’t for the exaggerated 90s bigotry the character is steeped in, I think they’d be a really solid bad guy who would likely deserve a score at least as high as Buffalo Bill got. But the existence of the novel that elaborates on Bill’s whole deal, the (admittedly minor) efforts of the movie to deny Bill is trans and is merely insane and delusional, and the fact he is played entirely seriously and is not the butt of jokes make him far more defensible than Finkle is.

I don’t think there’s ever been a twist villain that so thoroughly decimates the quality of the film they’re in. Bellwether didn’t ruin Zootopia, Hans didn’t ruin Frozen, and Roy Burns didn’t ruin Friday the 13th: A New Beginning. But Finkle? They fucking tank Ace Ventura, and it didn’t have to be this way. There are plenty of ways to have a character pretend to be a woman and have it be tasteful and funny; Bugs Bunny is a queer icon for a reason, and movies like Some Like It Hot and Mrs. Doubtfire, while obviously not perfect, manage to be a lot more tasteful in their jokes. But here, they just aim right for the bottom of the barrel.

With how times have changed, I think it’s genuinely easy to read them as a sympathetic character, provided you can look past the murder and homicidal revenge of course (something easy to do when you remember what caused them to snap). When the movie is doing all it can to demonize and humiliate them for not conforming to gender norms as opposed to ridiculing them for the sheer absurd lengths they’re going to for revenge or the fact they literally fucking killed someone, it’s hard not to take their side. The narrative is already against them for the stupidest reasons, so why dogpile them? You go, girl! You can have a little murder and kidnapping, as a treat.

I’ve gotta give them a 0.5/10. And that .5 is pretty much only because aside from the horrible twist, they’re honestly not a bad villain and there’s actually a lot of great foreshadowing that they’re behind the dolphin kidnapping. It really is just the gender reveal thing that not only completely ruins the character, but torpedoes the movie too. Ace Ventura is probably one of the best characters ever, and one of Carrey’s best performances alongside Truman and Robotnik, but he’s stuck debuting in a film where the big joke is “queers are fucking freaks lmao.” What a sick joke.

[system-comforts]

i’m questioning if i’m a system but i really have no idea? like i have some stuff that might be system-y but it also might be nothing idk.

to preface the next bit i’m not asking you to like. definitively tell me if i’m a system or something obviously !! i just want to get it all off my chest i guess asfjdgk

reasons i feel like i might be a system:

-> i have different “modes” where i sometimes type differently + my gender feels different (like not by a lot, it’s always masc but different microlabels) + i prefer different names and sometimes different pronouns. …take a shot every time i say different lmao (/joke)

-> i definitely dissociate sometimes and i have memory issues that i think go past what’s normal for adhd? (diagnosed)

-> in like 9th-10th grade i split myself into three “parts” (trans guy part (13-14), kind of in suspended animation/asleep all day and sometimes awake/in control at night while i was on tumblr. bigender part (14-15), handled regular life stuff like being around school and family, the “main” one. cis woman part (18) who perpetuated/handled a very unhealthy/traumatic “coping mechanism” we had at the time. only ever in control while we were engaging in the thing she handled. originally i kept her in a locked room the rest of the time, eventually i let her out and after that she’d like hang around taunting us all day.)

reasons i might not be:

-> i always feel like /me/, just a different me sometimes

-> i haven’t talked to/been aware of an actual different part of myself since about 10th or maybe 11th grade. the closest i’ve been is like. feeling like i was nobody/a kind of indistinct mush idk and thinking about me (one specific “mode” of me) as a separate person. but it wasn’t like he was actually there as a tangible presence, i just felt like he existed separately. like when someone else lives in your house but they’re out running errands or something so they’re not currently there if that makes sense?

-> like i said, i have a tendency to kinda just steal personality traits from characters i like. right now i���m in. i’ll say sunshine mode bc i don’t wanna put one of my actual names on here. but suffice to say it’s a similar personality to a “golden retriever” character i’m fixated on

-> i also tend to kinda steal personality traits from people i’m around a lot and one of the friends i’m spending a lot of time with rn is a system so i could be unconsciously copying him

-> the dissociation and memory issues could just be from my depression

Hey there anon, we're glad you felt you could vent about all this to us. We also appreciate the preface, since it's definitely true. It seems like you've been considering this question for a while and put in a lot of thought. What you sent made me think of a few questions. Although I can't say yes or no, I hope some of these questions can give you more food for thought.

Experiencing dissociation, especially more than typical for people or for a disorder, is definitely something to consider when questioning plurality. I would be curious, are there certain times or situations where dissociation happens more or less? Are there certain times or situations when memory loss is more likely? How much and what kind of things can you remember? Skills? Personal facts?

During these different modes, when you prefer different names and pronouns, and type differently, what else is different? Perspectives on the world? Values and beliefs? General interests and tastes? These sorts of things may not change as much, or may change more slowly, for someone who isn't plural. However, this may also be different for young people, who are still finding and building their identity. The sense of feeling "like me, just a different me sometimes" could be from plurality, from other disorders (ex masking), or even just a feeling of being young and growing. I would talk with others in different communities, talk with peers, systems, other neurodivergences. Talk about this feeling, see what they say, and try to find what resonates most with you.

Can you listen to these different parts? Perhaps not direct communication, but do you feel an "foreign" impulses, persistent thoughts that seem to come from nowhere or not yourself?

As one last question, does viewing yourself as part of a system help you understand yourself? Is it a helpful framework, does it make sense, does it fit? Does it help you learn about yourself, or does it still feel not right or limiting, or does it ignore other important information?

I hope some of this helped. It seems you've been working hard at this, so we wish you luck as you continue to question this. Know that it's ok to not know, and it's ok to explore the system community as you continue to question.

-mod saturn

[under-loch-n-key]

Not fanart today everyone, sorry. I will be uploading some within the week though!

I just need to vent and rant a bit.

I was feeling a bit rough today & made a venting self portrait piece for Pride Month. I've been out as trans for four years this November (26th of November) I’ve been on T three months and four days. I love who I am and my identity and wouldn’t change a thing, but sometimes I’m so tired.

I just want to love who I want to love. I want to wear what I want to wear without thinking “could this outfit that I wear today get me killed or harassed because it’s not in the norm?” I get fed up with having to conform to cisgender and heterosexual norms out of fear. I want to wear a dress and other pretty stuff again. I am cis passing so I’m privileged. I was cis passing before even starting T because I have naturally high T. So, me wearing feminine stuff scares me because I don’t want to get harassed for it. I have developed internalised toxic masculinity because of it. If I dye my hair I “may look gay” or “would people be able to tell I’m trans?” When in reality, I LOVE being queer, I LOVE being trans. It’s just hard. Being me is hard.

If I were to change my gender marker where I am, and if I were to get ovarian cancer and be in need of a hysterectomy, it wouldn’t be covered by insurance here because I am a man.

I am entitled to love, freedom, healthcare, happiness, marriage, not being turned away by businesses, or by churches/places that are meant to help all and help the community. I and everyone in this world is entitled to love, comfort, and living happily.

We have lost so many LGBTQIA+ people from this bigotry and hatred. It only seems to have spiralled even further since the pandemic or maybe because I came out in 2020 I’m just paying attention more…There’s people dead who should still be alive enjoying their favourite foods, drinks, films, etc. The people who bitch about how we are harming children, they’re “doing this for the children”, well guess what, every time you introduce more bigotry, you are killing a child. Not helping one. So, you can take the “help for the children” and shove it up your arse.

I sobbed tonite in my restroom because Nex Benedict and Brianna Ghey came into my head. They were so young and they are DEAD and for what? Because some fucking assholes just couldn’t handle the fact that LGBTQIA+ exist.

I’m TERRIFIED of dating people. Especially (cis) men because my brain goes to “Okay, is this person really interested in me or am I a fetish to them?” “If I go on a date with this guy tonite, will I come home later?” “What if he’s just trying to lure me somewhere and hurt me?”

THESE THOUGHTS SHOULD NOT BE NORMAL. I AM NOT A FETISH. I AM NOT A KINK. I AM NOT PROPERTY. I’M A HUMAN BEING.

Why can’t I just be human?

Why is it every time in the media there’s a criminal case and that person may or may not be gay, trans, or both, they hardly focus on the act itself but only on the fact that they were gay or transgender.

I am just SO fed up. Living in the states right now is a nightmare. I acknowledge that I’m privileged in ways that not many people have. I am in a blue state (for now), my mother is supportive, I have access to HRT and medical needs, I am white, I pass as a man. I am extremely privileged in those rights. I will never be able to even imagine how our gay and trans people of colour are treated. My heart breaks for them.

How many more of us is it going to take until we’re seen as people?

We’re not ped0phil3s, we’re not gr00mers, we aren’t out to harm your children, we didn’t steal a fucking rainbow from The Father Over Yonder, we aren’t working for Lucifer & if we are, I haven’t gotten my fucking pay cheque, we aren’t taking away healthcare from women, we aren’t taking over sports, etc. I could go on & on & on about this.

I can’t change who I am. Ironically, I loved being a woman. I loved my hair, my dresses, my makeup, my jewellery, the way some guys looked at me, I loved me. Although, something didn’t fit. I loved being a woman but something wasn’t right. I dressed goth, and then when I got home I dressed masculine. Even then, something didn’t click.

Then one day I was in middle school and I saw this girl named Maddy in my class. She was joking with a few of the boys in our class. She put her hair in her hat and made herself look like a boy and all the boys went “Woah! You really do look like a boy” and I was like “Huh, I wanna try that.”

So, I went home that day and messed around with it for a bit. Something felt better in me. I couldn’t explain it because I didn’t know what being trans was or what it meant. I went out like that any chance I could, unless I was around a boy or any preppy girls because I didn’t wanna get made fun of.

Eventually, one time in the store when I was walking away with my cousin from the register (still cis and in denial. Still an egg) the man at the register went “Have a good day, boys!” and we looked at each other and started laughing. Like omg, they called me a boy but I’m not a boy, right? It felt good & right.

You see, it wasn’t the dysphoria that made me figure out I was trans but the euphoria I felt from being called a man.

We have this heavy focus on the dysphoria (which I completely understand for people) but people forget about the euphoria too. I felt like something finally clicked but I couldn’t explain it.

That was until I started getting flooded with Trans TikToks and JammiDodger in my YouTube FYP and I was like “Haha, this is me. Wait-“

I didn’t realise I was trans until about 2020. Before I came out, (Oh, god, help me.. idk what egg me was thinking. I was so obvious..)I asked my mother while we were pulling into Walmart if I could get a binder and she’s like “What’s that?” and I said “Oh, to keep my chest flat. Since you know I love acting. So, do you think I could get one for when I play male roles? That way people couldn’t see that I’m a girl? Since you know I’m a girl who wants to play a male role.”

“Hmm, well sure, we can definitely do that. We’ll just have to see what I have to work with.” I was like hell yeah! I didn’t technically come out to my mother while I was in high school. She sorta just found out because she noticed everyone called me by my first trans name that I picked out and I was like “Uh- IT’S A NICKNAME BECAUSE I LOOK LIKE A CERTAIN ANIME CHARACTER WITH THE SAME NAME-“ I literally panicked.

Eventually, I kinda became like THE trans guy at my academy and since she was my English teacher, she found out through the words going around the school. It took her a while but she made it. We went and got the big chop. My hair was about three feet to four feet long and now it’s in the same style as Tony Stark’s hair or maybe even Shawn Spencer’s. Just that category of hair style. Lol. It’s very short now. I remember when she let me borrow her phone and I saw she changed my phone contact from my deadname to my old trans name. I took a picture of that and I still have it.

My name has since changed and I don’t have the same trans name I started out with. She’s still trying to switch over to using Anthony. She’s better than she used to be. I don’t mind being called by my old trans name per se but I just wish my name currently would be used more if that makes sense.

My mother is fully supportive of me now and we even got a pride cake a few days after my birthday (17th of June) because some dipshit at a store a town over threw a fit and destroyed a baker’s Pride cakes. Yeah, call US the snowflakes and yet you throw a fit about a rainbow on a cake? Yeah, okay. Lol. We got it from my mum’s friend who was giving pride cakes away to queer families after she found out about the incident.

Knowing that I have such supportive people means the world to me, but I know in some places that I go in the world, they won’t always be there to protect me. So, with that I’ve had to keep my guard up and protect myself.

I hope one day society will get to a place where we view everyone as people and that we’re all human. The LGBTQIA+ people we’ve lost will never be forgotten and we’ll always say their names. Please research our queer history. We could all learn stuff from each other.

If you’re ever feeling like your existence means nothing and that the world would be better off without you because of who you are, you are wrong. Your death isn’t something that just happens to you, it happens to everyone around you too. You would be missed because you’re loved and cherished. Knowing that you are also apart of this community with me, already makes me happy that you exist because we need more LGBTQIA+ voices. Our light and colours burn and shine brighter together so please do not go anywhere.

Thank you for existence. I love you. I’m proud of you for coming this far and we’ll go even further. We just have to make it through today. One day at a time. Everything will be okay and everything will turn out the way it’s supposed to.

If ANY of you are in need of immediate help please seek out The Trevor Project. They offer immediate help. It’s completely free and you can either text or call. I’ll leave a link for you below.

If you’ve made it to the end of this HUGE vent/rant, I’ll be sure to fluff some pillows for your eyes and get them some nice blankets because they must be tired as hell after reading this.

If you could reblog this so other LGBTQIA+ people who feel sad this pride could feel seen or just wanna reblog it for pride, please do!

If anyone can reblog this too with any other stories about their queer & trans experience or any other helpful info for LGBTQIA+ people & youth, that would also be really helpful!!

You are always safe on my blog. 💛⚧️🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇵🇸🇸🇩🇨🇩

We can all benefit from helping each other, so also if you are able - please donate and help Operation Olive Branch for the people of Palestine, Sudan, and Congo! Remember, no one is free until we’re all free!! So, I’ll leave the link to their link tree here -

Link to Trevor Project here! They provide a lot of good info if you wanna research stuff too! -

[defilerwyrm]

What's the stance on trans meds nowadays? I don't ID with them, but for me personally, being trans is a medical thing for me, because that's what helps me and my dysphroia the best to see it as such, but I don't apply that logic to everyone..some people don't see it that way and that's valid! But I'm curious if this is common? I know many don't have dysphoria and that's valid and common ans you don't need dysphoria to be trans. And having dysphoria is common too, but is it odd to view it for yourself personally as a medical thing, like being the hrt part of it? Idk if that makes me one but..Like I see myself as a biological male (I'm a trans man, and I don't agree with that bullshit of "I'm a bio woman living as a man, no, I AM a man and my "biology" is a "male! My hormones are that of a man, my body is male.) Idk just curious if others feel the same :)

Oh hell, Anon, I don’t even know, I’m so far past caring what anyone else thinks about that.

I find that there is a gulf between the lived experience of a dysphoric trans person like myself (or you!) and that of someone who’s happy with nothing more than social transition that could swallow Jupiter without getting moons in its teeth.

For me personally, I have felt like I’ve been in the wrong body since I was 4 years old at least. My parts were wrong, my voice was wrong, my height was wrong, my puberty was a traumatic clusterfuck of “oh gods no please no why,” and the expectations people had of me (very especially for sex) based on the shape of my body were all wrong. My dysphoria is/was a medical problem caused by a mismatch between my intrinsic identity and my physical form, and so it had a medical solution (HRT and multiple surgeries).

And for some others, that screaming, clawing wrongness just…isn’t there, I guess? Nor are they capable of comprehending what it’s like to have it, from all I’ve seen, any more than cis people can comprehend it.

Really I think you could subdivide the transgender umbrella into two main types: “my sex is wrong” and “my gender and sex are two discrete things and that’s fine.” Is one more or less trans than the other? Oh fuck, who gives a shit, the right wing wants all of us dead equally.

This split is only really a problem when it comes to a) matters of representation (a reeeaaal hot button topic for me) and b) the first camp’s ongoing battle to secure the right to medical transition on grounds of it being the appropriate treatment for our condition.

IDK man, the internet is full of buffoons and poltroons and I’m much too old to give credence to whatever the opinions of non-voting Chronically Online minors are, so your guess is as good as mine

[shalvis]

Lrb it’s closer to 7 than 6,,,

I started on the last day of February! I have like three facial hairs that feel thick like beard hair is supposed to that I keep pulling out bc it’s a nervous habit, but the other hair along my jaw and in the mustache area is longer than it was. My voice has dropped a little but I think I still seem like a cis woman to onlookers.

The rest of it has just been anger issues and sweating and crying a lot more and getting ocd (I had it the whole time but it’s rlly noticeable now) and acne and wanting to nut a lot.

I have my 6 month bloodwork in a few days and I’m so nervous that my levels will be shit or I’ll mention breakthrough bleeding and they’ll want me to switch to injections when needles make me pass out,

I’m also rlly worried about things like cholesterol and blood pressure. I know t increases those and I’m a fat guy, my dad and his brothers don’t seem to have blood and heart issues. I can’t rlly trust it but I had blood work in 2021 and I was told that my cholesterol and triglycerides are higher than they should be and I wasn’t on t yet, but it was the same place that wrongly told me I’m prediabetic when I am not. And the same place that prescribed me medication that they shouldn’t have bc it could have made me lose weight. I am hoping to bring this up when I get my blood drawn again that I’m like. Worried about these things.

I’m autistic and have horrible limitations on what foods I can eat without feeling sick and the rules have gotten even stricter in the last few years I basically can’t eat meat at all anymore and I’m having a hard time getting a balanced diet. I had an eating disorder in high school so I already have a bad relationship with diet advice or nutrition guidelines because I have next to no interest in losing weight but I feel like anyone I ask (doctors anyway) will try to put me on a weight loss thing.

I’m also really just. Afraid. That I’m putting my t on wrong or my body isn’t absorbing it right bc I don’t feel like I’m changing anymore. I have been jobless for ten days and that’s felt way longer so there’s a chance that time just isn’t flowing right for me anymore since I lost my structure in life.

And I’m having a lot of emotions about various life events outside of transitioning and it’s isolated me a lot and I really need to reach out more and have more active friendships. Like friendships where I talk to them frequently and call/stream/whatever to spend time with them and not just. Stare at their name on discord and be afraid to message bc we haven’t talked in 6 months.

I don’t know why I’m posting this all but I guess it’s bc I’m anxious. Maybe I’ll look at this in therapy and have an actual productive meeting.

[i-lurk-at-night]

Character ask: Jolyne and Jotaro

Sexuality headcanon:

Jotaro: aroace or demiromantic ace

Jolyne: bi bi bisexual bi

Gender headcanon:

Jotaro: cis man, though I could also see him be non binary and he just hasn’t realized it

Jolyne: cis woman

A ship I have with said character:

Jotaro: I don’t really have any strong feelings for any Jotaro ships, but I do find jotahan extremely funny because I love imagining Josuke and friends trying to sabotage their dates xD I have also seen a lot of really good jotakak and jotawife stuff, so I like those too even if I don’t have a strong attachment to them.

Jolyne: jolymes, foolyne, foolymes, prison girlfriends forever <333333

A BROTP I have with said character:

Jotaro: Polnareff! I need them to reunite post part 5 so bad.

Jolyne: I really enjoyed her interactions with Emporio and Weather (god I wish they teamed up more) and her girlfriends are also her besties ofc <3

A NOTP I have with said character:

Jotaro: uhh the only ones I can think of is him with like. his family members or Dio I guess idk I don’t really see people ship him with anyone other than Kakyoin or his wife, so there’s no ship that I see regularly that makes me go “URGGH HATE”

Jolyne: okay please don’t kill me but I don’t really like Anasui so I don’t really like him and Jolyne together sorry 😭

Random headcanon:

Jotaro: Lisa Lisa taught him the cigarette trick that Polnareff and Kakyoin wanted Oingo to do while he was disguised as Jotaro.

Jolyne: this is so not canon compliant but I love the idea that she visited Giorno and friends at some point when she was younger and Polnareff and Mista are the ones that taught her how to flip the bird French and Napoli style GUFHJGFHGDF

General opinion over said character:

Jotaro: okay so. I got into jojo’s when I was about 15-ish and back then I actually really hated him lmao (I thought he was really boring in part 3 and I was annoyed that EOH focuses waaaay too much on him to the detriment of the other jojos). He’s still my least favorite jojo (if judged on debut part only) but he has grown A LOT on me since then, and I ADORE him post part 3.

Jolyne: she’s not my favorite jojo but god I love her. It’s hard for me to put into words but like, when I first read stone ocean years ago, she clicked with me immediately and I think she’s a really enjoyable and honestly very, idk, down to earth character? Like if you asked me which jojo I would want to hang out with it’d probably be her (or Josuke). If part 10 ever becomes a thing, I do hope we get another female jojo, but if we don’t then I’m happy that the female jojo we have is as great as she is.

also anyone that calls her a failure of a protag because she didn’t beat pucci can f*cking shove it.

[theharrowing]

Hey babes.

Just wanted to chime in and share my experience with bi men lol (I found the anons take so interesting).

My experience is the total opposite of this anon, as a bi (somehow clostet woman at least). I’ve dated a bi guy like 6 years ago back when I was very ignorant and homophobic (I’m so ashamed of those days) and I thought I was strictly straight so I just rejected him. He then told me he had like 90% preferences for women only.

And since I’ve realized I’m bi I’ve dated few bi men here and there and they’ve all told me they had stronger preference. And since I have 0 chance of ever coming out lol I’m mostly open about it if someone brings up the topic so I’m always glad when I encounter a bi guy that is willing to be himself with me and let me trust him to open up.

So basically what I’m trying to say is all these men mostly told me that even though the women to men ratio wasn’t the same, it was almost easier to hook up with men. Men are easier and less complicated about these things and that straight women can be biphobic towards them (hurts me that I someday was that straight woman yikes 🥴).

Bisexual men are so precious to me and they deserve all the love and acceptance in the world. I’ll fight the world for them 🥹 and I hope bi men with strong preference for men are still valid and wanted and that they should never be questioned about their bisexuality and attraction for women💙💓💜

i think that, when we’re young and we don’t have things all the way figured out, we tend to be problematic. especially if we are grappling with our own feelings? when i was dealing with heavy gender dysphoria, before i knew i was non-binary (or agender or whatever, i still don't fully know how i feel in my skin and bones) i had some intrusive thoughts/feelings that i feel would have been transphobic. i don't even really know how to verbalize them, but i think it had to do with "passing" and "looking/acting" a certain way, because i had a lot of negative feelings about myself that i was projecting onto others (i never expressed these thoughts to anyone!!!!! i have always done my best to be understanding and a safe person for others. but the fact that i had these thoughts does haunt me.) and this is not to say that your experience is anything like that, but i think that for people grappling with these very personal feelings, there are often similar things going on.

going to put this under a cut bc my feelings are big.

gosh, it's been so long since i have heard anyone talk about their attraction on like a ratio basis, but i remember my ex girlfriend in college (the first time) making fun of me because i told her i thought i was "at least 75% attracted to women" alskdjaslkdjasljd like what does that even mean??? but i guess some people may look at it in terms of percentages. i am also interested in non-cis and non-binary people so i wouldn't be able to pie chart my feelings as easily. 😅😂

if we do speak in terms of mostly the gender binary, i think that bi men/amab who like women/fem-presenting people get the same amount of biphobia as bi women/afab who like men/masc.-presenting people, because i have only ever experienced it while dating men and masc-presenting people. and it's so so so frustrating like what part of "i am attracted to my gender and other genders" is hard to understand??? that includes literally anybody i want it to.

i don't know if pansexuals get this same kind of hate, but if you do, i am sorry and i love you.

BISEXUAL MEN ARE PRECIOUS TO ME. everyone is precious to me. cishets are on thin ice but if you show me that i can trust you and that i am safe with you, then you are precious to me too.

ALSO YOU JAZZY mentioned you can't come out, and i am sorry to see that. if you ever need to talk about anything, please dm me! day and night! i'll likely be awake!!! 💖💖💖

[alicealder]

i. "cast iron skillet" - jason isbell and the 400 unit // ii. tonight i'm someone else: essays; the end of longing - chelsea hodson // iii. "rx (medicate)" - theory of a deadman

( gdocs version since tumblr beta is super annoying )

quick stats !

full name: alice audrey alder

date of birth: september 17th, 1966

zodiac big three: virgo sun, pisces moon, libra rising, leo venus

gender & pronouns: cis woman & she/her

sexual orientation: home of sexual

ethnicity: white

nationality: us american

religion: agnostic

languages spoken: english (5), spanish (4), latin (3)

enneagram: 2w3

mbti: enfj

temperament: phlegmatic

alignment: true neutral

refresher !

triggers: shitty parenting, the briefest implication of homophobia

Mom, Annabelle “Anne” Alder, kinda really sucks. I guess we’ll go with the version where she’s not a televangelist even though televangelism is super fun and was booming in the 1980s, I just think we know the other version better. Still a lil menty ill tho. 

But Alice’s daddy, Allen, and sister, Alice 1.0, died a week before she was born so you know <3 hard to blame her tbh <3

Still weird that she was like “okay if I can’t have Alice 1.0 I’ll have Alice 2.0”

Momma Alder was like “you’re gonsta be perfect just like ur dad!” and Alice was like “okay how” and momma was like “uhhhh get good grades, be successful, marry a rich guy, be hot” and Alice was like “okay bet”

Mamma Alder also married a rich guy, our bestie Brian, who was like… 20 years her senior. So she had an affair with the poolboy. But honestly that stuff wasn’t too important in the great grand scheme of things – Brian was, though!

Anyway, Alice totes got good grades and was hot! But a rich guy wasn’t in her cards :\ Maybe a rich girl though!

Is Lux rich?

Fell in love with childhood friend Lux Lewis in late 1981 and it lasted around a year.. So that’s basically late sophomore - junior on her end, late freshman - sophomore on Lux’s.

Gradually phased out as Lux got closer to another lesbian we know 🤨(only we don’t know it IC 😔). But Alice was still Lux’s little bitch for the time being.

Idk if the Wonderland dance happened in this timeline... In any case, Lux going bitch mode after the lesbian ‘rumor’ was pinned on Alice still happened! So did the fight between Alice and Anne, though that was a few more months in. So did it getting worse when Alice was like *coach ben vc* hear that, furry little friends?! I’m GAYYY. *end vc* So did Brian leaving to go to a five-star retirement home. 

Anyway, a slight change is that Brian paid the tuition, but Alice still went to live with Indigo… for the time being 🤨

update time !

triggers: drugs. so many drugs., some shitty parenting thrown in there considering brian’s involvement and (arguably!) indigo’s solution

Weed and alcohol weren’t entirely foreign – they were both present at basically all the parties thrown – but Alice had never partaken in them beyond a slight buzz. Up until, of course, the winter of 1983. Just to balance things out, right? Just to make the world seem a little chiller during the crux of her final year in high-school, right?

But all of the shit that came with it – related to Lux or not – eventually brought it to a null spot. And Brian (who didn’t think to ask anything about it), ever the caring father figure, offered what used to help him through his rough patches! A little pill!

As of right now, I’m basically just typing out the timeline I wrote down. So with nothing smooth to say, Alice found herself a regular Vicodin user by the Spring of 1984.

And, while all things preceding the date were stressful enough, that brings us to entering college! Yay! Brian’s started paying tuition and there was that huge blowout and she’s living with Indigo now, so on and so forth. Anyway, now that that’s been refreshed:

Fall of 1984… Maybe someone would point to Lux and the bullying. Maybe someone would point to Anne Alder, suddenly without child and husband. Maybe someone would point to the lack of a stable home. But the truth was that it was none of that, and it was all of that.

The first few months, Alice was doing her best to keep up. She was still keeping her grades way up, she was still working hard to maintain her friendships, she was still trying to keep up a semblance of a life – she would have been dubbed ‘functioning.’ But something… just broke. Seemingly out of nowhere, something cracked. 

*It happened slowly, then all at once. General stress – stress that seemed normal – snapped. There were voices and delusions and–

–Brian’s donations weren’t enough anymore. After searching, after a chance finding, Alice crossed the snow line… 

And it… worked. The stress had dissipated and life… it was so much better. As long as she rolled the snow up on the 8hr schedule it needed, life was beautiful! 

For a while.

When Winter rolled around, it was plain for Indigo to see that Alice was not just smoking doobage. In fact, she wasn’t just smoking anything anymore – not if the cotton ball and shoelace had anything to say about it! 

Thus, Indigo (real name: Angela), past groupie (who “Angie” by the Stones had clearly been written about) who had seen the dangerous outcomes firsthand, was… in essence, like, “Get your shit together!”

But if some missing money, pinpoint pupils, and a nod off that led to a close call with godsmack had anything to say about it… Alice was not, in fact, getting her shit together.

Indigo had never planned on being a mother, and though she was much more caring and empathetic than her sister, she wasn’t prepared for… how to deal with this (unless it was Eric Clapton who clearly got clean for her). At the end of the day, is anyone? Especially when the main source of said kid’s cost of living was coming from an indirect enabler? (See: Brian <3)

Not knowing what else to do if Alice wouldn’t agree to seek help, she made the hesitant decision to kick her out.

Lucky for Alice, there was one vacant house in Cherry where someone she knew had been able to claim squatter’s rights – that someone being Oliver (who, outside of alcohol and weed, could be considered a surprising straight-edge given what he’d seen his mom go through at the hands of SUD).

Yes, I’m connecting my two characters. Yes, I am using this cop-out. *Ariana Grande vc* And what about it?

When Spring rolled around, her role in ‘the gang’ was nearly non-existent, existing more as a ghost than a person. Which was about how life was going. Moving through it like a ghost, disconnected from the Earth, watching from a state of limbo, becoming a distant memory.

r/im14andthisisdeep

She still managed to get by in CCU, though not without strife and sliding grades. Speedballing helped, but even then, she was distracted. 

Oliver tried giving her the movie star speech… which didn’t work, but it was worth a shot!

Fall came and so did sophomore year’s tuition payment… some of which was pocketed and spent on things that should not have been important as they felt.

Outside of that, it was largely uneventful. Just repetition of how life had been for the past… year and a half? But it wasn’t as fun as it used to be. And most bridges had burned themselves (hell, save for Brian, every bridge with family had burned down). And there would never be anything fun again, would there be? She stays in the routine, it’s normal. She breaks it and tries to get sober? At best, it’s boring. At worst, it’s hell on Earth. And she would choose routine over that any day! If she’d already lost most everything she could lose, why bother? The only things she had left were school (and she would be on academic probation in Spring – if she were kicked out… who cared anymore?), an empty house (was there much of a difference between an empty house – that desperately needed repairs – with one guy and a street?), the few bridges she hadn’t burned (a lighter would come eventually), and a beating heart (did it matter anymore?). Burn it down.

That was the prevailing thought until one Ford Freese entered the picture in early December, an offer to pay for a 30-day inpatient stay over the CCU winter break.

…winter break totally isn’t for deus ex machina purposes!

In any other case, she would’ve declined the offer with enthusiasm – some of the only enthusiasm she still showed! But the one thing she hadn’t thought of? The one thing she hadn’t thought to add to her list of things that could be stripped from her? Her freedom. Aha, don’t arrest me! Aha, I’m too sexy to go to jail for 7+ years!

Let it be known that he never actually threatened arrest – or anything even close! – but you see a man with a badge…

She entered rehab on the first day of their winter break. The methadone helped with the detox, but not with the… worth. Nonetheless, she walked out of rehab two days after CCU had begun the Spring semester. 

A month later, she had ‘completed’ the outpatient program – during which she’d been doing her damndest to get off academic parole. Without any funding for something like a methadone clinic – or, I don’t know, a therapist? – it was her and her willpower! 

And, credit where credit is due, staying sober due to a sense of obligation? Of ‘you did this grand gesture for me, I can do this one thing for you’? Well, it was working! Enough to get her to NA!

But, even nearly eight months later, everything feels rather askew. She’s part of the gang again, not a ghost… but is she? She’s back to her role of ‘great student’... but is she? Lux has lost her influence… but has she?

Well… Hollywoo Stars and Celebs! What Do They Know? Do they Know Things? Let’s Find Out!

updated tl;dr !

Alice started doing drugs about eight months earlier than her Cherry 1.0/2.0 counterparts. 

She developed a tolerance to Vicodin and didn’t have the benefit of seeing Lux’s ghost because… Lux isn’t dead (or presumed dead), so she moved up the ladder of gateway drugs and, following a bit of a menty b in her freshman year of college, she started using smack.

Eventually got kicked out of Indigo’s house for understandable reasons and went to squat live with Oliver (deus ex machina!). 

Yanno. shit happens!

Was not successfully enticed to enter recovery until Ford Freese offered to pay for rehab (and, even then, it was just because “oh this guy has a badge I don’t want to go to jail im so sexy for that aha”). Got clean.

Has been sober for nearly eight months now… mainly out of obligation!

But my favorite form of character growth is character descent :elmosmile:

[smilesstardust]

Hailey woke up to a splitting headache and a pounding on the front door. She’d had a little too much wine the night before, and washed it down with a couple of glasses of whiskey as she had the day off and had intended to spend it in bed.

She swung her legs out of bed and grabbed the glass of water she was thankful she’d remembered to put on her nightstand, draining it in one go. She grabbed one of Jay’s hoodies off the chair and pulled it on as she walked towards the door, having slept wearing much less than she usually would have because of the early summer heat. She pulled down her sleep shorts that she was wearing underneath so that they were actually visible and it didn’t look like she was answering the door half naked.

"I’m coming!" She shouted as the knock came again, just as she moved the empty glasses and half drunk bottles over to the kitchen so the wouldn’t be the first thing whoever was at the door noticed. "Give me a minute." She muttered under her breath. She combed her fingers through her hair to make sure it wasn’t a tangled birds nest, and opened the door.

She didn’t know who she was expecting on the other side, but a young woman holding the hand of a little girl was not it. They didn’t look related, the woman’s tanned skin and dark hair a stark contrast to the the little girl’s freckles and light reddish brown hair. Hailey was sure she’d never seen the girl before, but there was something so familiar about the way she looked that she couldn’t quite place.

Nobody spoke for first few seconds, and the silence seemed to stretch out until was almost uncomfortable. "Uh, hi?" Hailey said after a moment, deciding to bite the bullet. The sooner whatever this was had been dealt with, the sooner she could go back to bed.

"Sorry, I think I must have the wrong address." The woman apologised. "I’m looking for Jay Halstead’s apartment."

"Uh, no, you’re in the right place." Hailey shook her head a little, trying not to show just how surprised she was by someone asking after Jay. "I’m Hailey. His wife." Hailey pretended not to see the woman glance towards her left hand, looking for the wedding ring that had been hidden away since she took it off a few weeks ago.

"Oh! I’m so sorry, I didn’t realise he was married." She looked fairly young, Hailey thought as she apologised again, maybe early to mid twenties at most. Even if there had been any resemblance between them, Hailey would have been surprised if she was old enough to be the girl’s mother. "Is he here? I’m sorry, I really need to speak to him and this is my last resort. I’ve been calling him but he didn’t answer any of them."

"Don’t worry, it’s nothing personal, he doesn’t answer mine either." She muttered to herself. "He’s on deployment in Bolivia, has been outside the wire for the last week and isn’t due to be reachable for another two days minimum." She explained.

"Oh." She sighed. "Crap."

"Anything I can help with?" Hailey asked. The woman must have been a CI of Jay’s. He’d only passed a few over to her when he left, and if he’d flipped her right before then Hailey definitely wouldn’t have known anything about her. She didn’t look like a CI, but that didn’t exactly discount her. There wasn’t a single other reason Hailey could think a random woman would be on her doorstep at quarter to eight in the morning asking to speak to her husband.

"Um, I suppose if you’re his wife?" She stammered, looking down at the little girl, who was looking up at Hailey with an expression she couldn’t quite read. "I’m from DCFS. The paperwork is pretty clear that in the event Ms Lindsay wasn’t able to care for her then Katherine here needs to go straight to Mr Halstead for him to take custody. I’ll have to check with my boss, but if you’re his wife I guess it’s the same thing."

It was like Hailey’s brain was buffering as she tried to process the information that had just been thrown at her. The fact she’d spent the previous night drinking to spend the day in bed recovering probably didn’t help. "I’m sorry, I’m going to need you to explain that. From the beginning."

"This is Katherine. Mr Halstead’s daughter." Hailey’s hangover could wait. She had more important things to deal with.

[sharonaparadox]

I can’t believe this needs to be said, but it keeps happening, so: if you reblog a post from me and delete the image description, I will block you. I have zero problem if you reblog it from the original poster or literally anyone else just so you don’t have an ID— I don’t understand Why you’d do that, but I don’t actually give a shit what you do with your own blog— but actively making a post less accessible than you found it is super fucked up. If you have any issue whatsoever with my IDs, just reach out to me via ask or messages.

Anyway, important pinned post info: If you haven’t already done so, go to your blog settings (at tumblr.com/blog/[username]/settings), scroll down to the “Visibility” section, and make sure to click the button to opt in to “Prevent third-party sharing”; make sure to do this with each sideblog you have, because this setting is by individual blog and not account-wide. Fuck AI art, and fuck Tumblr for scraping artists’ hard work to use for that shit.

Also, go here to donate to Palestine with just a click of the button.

Below are details about the person behind this blog, since who knows how many people have read my about page (or even have access to it, since apparently a lot of people use the Tumblr app which I’ve heard doesn’t allow you to view custom pages?).

You can call me Sharona (which isn’t my “real” name I use offline, but I’ve been using it since 2011, back when I was 18 going on 19). I’m a white cis woman living on occupied land in southern California. I have a family history of mental illness, though I’m not professionally diagnosed myself. I’m aromantic bisexual (possibly acespec, but I’m not personally interested in looking for microlabels that perfectly fit me).

Pretty much all I do here is reblog things from other people and add image descriptions. I don’t make any of the art you see on this blog and claim no ownership over any of the images. Also, since I’ve been asked in the past: you can just straight up copy and paste my IDs and edit them as you see fit in a reblog of your own if you’d rather have it attached in a separate reblog chain (or add it to the original post if you’re the artist). You can credit me if you want, but I’m literally just describing things others have made, haha.

I don’t have any real “Do Not Interact” list, because, let’s be honest, most people who actually fit the typical DNI criteria just ignore those anyway. I do block people I come across in the wild being bigoted (or just annoying, tbh), and, as stated above, I also block people who reblog anything from me and remove the ID. All that said, if I’ve blocked you and you think I was being a little overzealous with that block button, you can always send an ask or message me (or I guess have a friend do it?) and maybe I’ll see about unblocking you.

I Do Not block people who mass like or reblog my posts! I love waking up and seeing my activity feed filled with one person who’s clearly excited to go through my tags! Also, if you want to add comments to posts you reblog from me or strike a conversation in my inbox or messages, you’re perfectly welcome to! That being said, do not expect me to “follow for follow,” because I get overwhelmed easily if I follow too many people or if someone I am following posts a lot. I have, unfortunately, had too many instances where I’ve needed to unfollow people who were really nice but whose blogs were very emotionally draining for me.

Anyway, if you’ve read all that, here’s my Linktree with other accounts I have. Unfortunately, as much as Tumblr sucks, it’s still the only social media I can even halfway tolerate, so don’t bother trying to reach me on those other accounts.

[quinnsfire]

new york city is a big place but [ jordan quinn ], a [ 45 ] year-old [ cis male] has made it their home in [ staten island ]. in this city you can be anything you want to be and [ he ] is a [ part time firefighter & stand up comedian ]. described by loved ones as [ loyal, outgoing, and goofy ] but those wanting to bring them down might say they are [ impatient, impulsive, and irresponsible ] but i guess that is up to everyone else to decide! you never know who you’re going to meet around here, but weirdly they look like [ paul rudd ] - what are the odds? 

tw: cheating

Hey, the name’s Brian! If you don’t know me, I’m Aria’s boyfriend and she dragged me into the world of roleplay, so here we go! Be nice with me as this is my first intro!

Jordan was born to Carol and Steven Quinn. He’s the youngest of three. His two older brothers loved making fun of him and messing with him. As a result, he has a few permanent weird scars on his body from all of the fighting. Despite his brothers messing with him, Jordan was a fairly playful and goofy child. He was constantly cracking jokes and trying to make people laugh. He did fairly well in school, finding out really quickly that he liked learning big words to use as punchlines in jokes, or using them to make up jokes of his own. Somehow with good grades, he was still the class clown. 

After going to college, getting a liberal arts degree, Jordan realized he needed to do something good with his life, so he enrolled in the fire academy. From the very first day, he adored every second of it. He felt useful, like he could actually make a difference in the world. Everything seemed wonderful, until he met a beautiful girl. She became everything to him. Very quickly, she was his entire world. Their relationship was magical, at least he though it was. He proposed on the beach and they began planning the most beautiful wedding, but two weeks before their wedding, she told him she’d been cheating on him for the last year, and she was leaving him for his best friend’s neighbor, who was a local cop in the area. 

Jordan was absolutely heartbroken and since then, has a strong fear of commitment, because he’s terrified that something like that will happen again. He doesn’t want to fall in love and doesn’t want to let himself, so instead, he’s trying to have as much fun as he can, sleeping with whoever he feels like. He doesn’t like to talk about it either and will either make jokes about it or just laugh. 

Nowadays, Jordan’s a stand up comedian and an only part time firefighter. He worked out a deal with his fire chief so that he could pursue his comedy passion as well. While he wants to do it all, he knows he’ll have to eventually pick one, but doesn’t want to think about it now. 

Personality: Jordan is an incredibly goofy guy. He adores making people laugh, and is always ready for a “that’s what she said” joke, because he’s a bit immature. Kindness radiates out of him, and he’s incredibly charming. Despite him being a jokester and not really wanting a relationship, he’s always sure to treat a woman right, and be as kind as possible as he can to her. He adores anything that involves adventure, but also enjoys sitting at home, watching movies and not wearing real pants. While Jordan doesn’t seem like he has much of a temper, when he does get mad, it’s pretty scary, kind of like a fire. He tries not to get mad, as he doesn’t like the way it makes him feel. 

If you’d like to know more or want connections, let me know!

[miamignonette]

Tbh we (societal we) are desensitized to like. Almost every form of discrimination against women unless it’s glaringly, flagrantly obvious. And even then people will only agree it’s discrimination like 3/4 of the time, even among people that ostensibly not conservative

yup!! (btw as a disclaimer, obviously the oppression of anybody who isn’t cishet white and male is built into our society and manifests itself in a bunch of different ways, a lot of which i can’t fully grasp as a white cis woman, but i’m talking specifically about misogyny rn)

once i started noticing how deeply ingrained misogyny still is in the modern world, i can’t stop noticing it. which i guess sounds stupid and obvious, but i mean that these things are so normal to us now that a lot of us don’t even realize that it’s misogyny in the first place since it isn’t considered taboo the way you might assume such blatant sexism would be in the 21st century. like that example of the words “bitch” “cunt” “whore” etc being words that are only used to belittle and threaten women, but they aren’t treated like they have any weight. you hear them on tv, on the street, in jokes! it’s really disgusting to me. even if you don’t believe that those are slurs, i don’t think any man should say them. ever.

[foxs-howl]

I’m AFAB , non-binary and I don’t think I ever fully updated my perception of my romantic orientation. Before I realized that I’m trans, I knew I was attracted to guys. (Realizing I wasn’t exclusively attracted to guys came later). And since that was what was expected of me by society, I identified as straight. But like, I kind of never left that mentality. I wouldn’t ever call myself straight now because I’m not a woman and not only attracted to men. Although my strongest attraction/crushes have always been towards guys, and I’ve never found a label that really captures how I feel about my orientation.

So, I still tend to think of myself as attracted to men as a default because that’s who I’ll most likely always date. Except…I’m not a woman, so being attracted to and dating men is not a straight thing to do. But I’m also not a man, and I never fully updated my thinking to “actually, it’s kind of a gay thing to do”. And maybe part of that is because I’m also ace, so I never related to the things my allo, gay friends talked about. They had a different culture that I never felt fully part of (beyond queer culture in general).

But also, I think somewhere along the way of growing up and figuring out my gender identity, my perception of my romantic orientation got disconnected from my gender. And somehow, for me personally, liking men became connected to being straight regardless of my gender. So I kind of just got stuck in straight/not straight limbo and I never really left.

And I guess that’s fine? At the end of the day, I’m attracted to who I’m attracted to and as long as I find someone who sees me as the gender I am, it doesn’t really matter what I perceive my orientation as. Most of the time, I just say I’m queer and call it a day. But sometimes it throws me when people say things that imply that they think I’m straight. Because then my brain kind of stutters over “ok, I know why I sometimes think that, but why do /you/ think that?” Because even when I don’t have a beard, the way I dress and style my hair heavily leans towards what society perceives as masculine. But even with a beard and “masculine” clothing, a lot of my mannerisms and speech patterns definitely don’t say “cis, straight man”. So yeah, interacting with people not part of the queer community is…interesting sometimes.

[tabslabs]

Had a weird dream and some personal confirmations from it. Post gets long so putting it under the cut

It was some sort of high school event or something and we were looking through an old art book of mine but literally none of my Highschool friends were there. Scar was there and my youngest brother was there.

After seeing lots of art of “Tabithor” (a “male version of myself”) my bro was like “you kept drawing yourself as a boy and playing boy characters back then” and I was all “yeah back in high school I definitely wasn’t as confidently cis as I am these days” I also brought up the fact that Tabithor was blonde and not a full expression of myself as much he was a character. A character I loved and still love playing to an extent. Though I haven’t done it as much anymore.

I think he served a purpose when I was younger and arguably exploring my gender, because for years I was very much “I don’t know I guess I have boobs” about it. Like I would present feminine because it was easier and I liked how I looked regardless as I cared more about the overall “look” than the gender. I thought and to an extent still think I’d be pretty happy living more masculine. The “looks” I like are kinda flashy more than they are gendered. Long coats, big hats, flowy cloaks & capes- none of these felt gendered to me I could find examples I liked from lots of media with guys and girls doing it. I did it in a more feminine way because again, boobs. I didn’t mind them so I may as well dress in whatever highlighted the body I already had best. If they were gone tomorrow I wouldn’t give a shit, I would just be excited about going clothes shopping again and finding a new “look”. I dreamt about being able to try losing the boobs and growing a beard and what kind of outfits I could style around that (trench coat and fedora was unfortunately common though usually it was a top hat instead because ppl were weird about fedoras back then).

Anyway honestly it was Netflix’s Carmen Sandiego that made me stop thinking about what if I was a guy and how would I look. I looked at her and was like “oh shit she’s beautiful she’s exactly what I could be.” Maybe it was the attainability of it that drew me to stop considering other paths… I had already been getting Carmen Sandiego comments for years before then when I was trying “flashy long jacket and large brimmed flashy red sun hat” (more inspired from various elements of mostly male characters).

But whatever it was, you can see it- the number of games I’ve played since that show came out where I’ve played as that blonde male Tabithor has shrunk by a landslide. I do it out of nostalgia more than anything else. Hell even in ACNH where I did create Tabithor I spent over half the time reskinning him to look like me (and since the villagers don’t refer to your gender and use nicknames anyway I was effectively playing Tabitha completely). I created a “Tabithor” in Valheim but made her a girl that looked like me. Literally I think those are the only two games that had a Tabithor instead of a Tabs, I don’t even have a Tabithor save on Stardew. I have some male stardew files but they’re literally just characters like “Buck Bingo” or “Rico PoM”.

In my dream Scar and Kendall kinda got what I was getting at, though Scar told me that was mostly a confirmation of how I was already presenting. I seemed really confident in me being a cis woman in my dream though. Something I’ve definitely projected to others a lot but it felt different in the dream watching me do it. It made me think upon waking that yeah no I really am and do identify as a woman and I’m pretty confident on that being right. And I do want to try using e/em pronouns too. I have for literal months and nobody’s doing it because I’ve been quiet about it overthinking that people would start questioning if I’m cis and I wouldn’t know for sure and just generally not wanting to open that can of worms. But no I already knew pronouns are just freaking words, we can use them for whatever, they don’t correlate to gender at all, and that includes myself. I still like she/her pronouns I just really like e/em pronouns too they’re so fun to me so I do wanna use both going forward