#i guess u can say today is. sparkle on saturday

[supercharged-streamer]

Glimmora with the Gay Cinthean Flag colors

[solarsho]

traitor

➙ pairing:: todoroki x reader ( unrequited ) todoroki x yaoyorozu

➙ word count:: 0.8k

➙ author’s note:: hi omg this is my first fic?!!#$ it’s super short and rushed but i hope u enjoy <3 btw i kinda wanna do a series of fics related to the SOUR album by olivia rodrigo but like idk....

It’s been weeks since you and Todoroki had been broken up. Actually you never even dated, you were best friends who occasionally flirted. But you were happy with what you had and couldn’t afford to ruin it. Oh no, you never had a chance with him. There his beautiful figure was, sitting in a cafe with Yaoyorozu, laughing together. They’re just laughing..but you can’t believe that you officially lost him. How was she able to do that so easily?  It took you so long to break his walls down, it took you years! He was your everything, you gave him everything you had to offer..and he just acts like nothing happened between you two? You were always a little bit uneasy of them being such close friends, she was too perfect and whenever you heard him talk about her, it just sounded like they mixed together so well like the perfect couple, the perfect pair.

And ain't it funny how you ran to her

The second that we called it quits?

And ain't it funny how you said you were friends?

Now it sure as hell don't look like it

 He held her hand in his and kissed her temple. He never liked showing public displays of affection, yet he would do these cute little things with her in public. It made you want to gag. But they were cute, like two peas in a pod. And she really was worthy of him, at least it was someone like her who had him. Still, you should have done something. You should have initiated something with him. And still, you deserve more.

“ Hey, um, can we watch a movie tonight?” 

“ Already made plans with Yaoyorozu. Sorry.”

“ Oh, ok.”

“ Hey! Wanna call and study together later?”

“ Sorry, Yaoyorozu and I are now ‘study buddies,’ well that’s what she calls it.”

 You put up with it because you were happy you got to see him making more friends. And you thought  ‘He’s also spending time with his other classmates, can’t be that big of a deal’ Oh boy, how incredibly wrong you were. You just can’t believe it. He’s changed so much. 

“ Your sweater is so cute!”

“ Take it.”

“ Oh no! Really?”

“Yeah. You look prettier in it anyway.”

“ Psshh liar”

“ It’s true. There’s nobody else deserving of my sweaters.” He chuckled.

 You betrayed me

And I know that you'll never feel sorry

For the way I hurt, yeah

You talked to her when we were together

 And there she was sitting next to him with his favorite sweater on, looking at him with her pretty little eyes. You hated this. Even though you were in different schools, he should have put more effort into the relationship you guys had. He didn’t even care much about you anymore. You were able to hear it whenever you called, he sounded so cold. You ignored it, of course, like all the other hints he dropped. 

You remembered that day when you were hanging out. God, you rarely did anymore. His phone chimed and he took it out of his pocket to see why it did. You were close enough to read what it had said

 ‘Hey, Todoroki-san! How are you? Do you want to visit the new museum that just opened up yesterday with me later?

 You saw his eyes sparkle and saw him reply back

“ Sure, at 3 pm?”

3 pm….it was only 2:15 on a Sunday. He has classes on Saturday and Monday and this was the only time you both got to hang out. The phone rang again.

 “ Alright! See you soon.”

He placed his phone away and looked back at you. 

“ Ah sorry, we’re gonna have to cut our hang out today short. Gotta meet with Yaoyorozu soon.” 

He said calmly. But you...you were furious.

 Loved you at your worst, but that didn't matter

It took you two weeks to go off and date her

 Maybe if you never fought this wouldn’t have happened. But you knew that was a lie, he could never be yours.

“ I’m just saying, you should prioritize someone who has been with you through it all rather than some random girl! ”

“ Some random girl? Who do you think you are?! Do you really think I’m incapable of making close relationships!?”

“ Ugghhh! I didn’t mean it like that. I just want your time!”

“ I don’t owe you my energy.”

“ Yes you do! I have been with you even before you got your quirk! And when you antagonized me for distracting you from your goals!”

“ I’m sorry that I want to spend time with the girl I love.”

 And as he left … your heart shattered. What he said had stung you. Did he not love you too? Not even as friends? Best friends? You reminisced all your favorite memories with him. The one memory you made together as kids hurt you.

“ Promise me, you'll never leave me?”

“ I promise.”

Guess you didn't cheat, but you're still a traitor

[8zs]

Amortentia

(gif is not mine)

Pairing: Gryffindor! Hongjoong x (Your house)! reader

Genre: Fluff, Angst??, Hogwarts! au

Words: 1.615

Song: Pin - Grimes

A/n: i listened to pin while writing this and im not sure if the lyrics have anything to do with the plot but yeah kgjldfjgld hehe hope u like it anon! since u didnt specify joongs house i just went with gryffindor :D IGNORE THAT I PUT LIKE a tiktok audio reference in here... I just. Man i got no braincells.. 

It was  your sixth year at Hogwarts, so it was no surprise you finally got a lesson about Amortentia. You and your gryffindor boyfriend, Hongjoong walked to class. You were holding hands as he joked about the Amortentia smelling like your sweet shampoo.

“Like my Amortentia wouldn’t smell like your signature stinky smell!” You laughed.

Hongjoong threw his head back, laughing because of your remark.

“Wow, thanks (y/n)!” He ruffled your hair and quickly pecked your cheek, knowing that if any teacher saw you, you would have detention;  Again.

Potions was one of the few classes you and Hongjoong had together. He was pretty good at it, and you were, well, not failing the dreadful class.

“Good morning , students!” Slughorn spoke and the class went silent, you all respected Professor Slughorn greatly. “Today, I’m going to teach you about Amortentia. If you had done the preparations, you had known Amortentia is a love potion. The most powerful one in the world, to be exact.”

You all quickly got to work, and Hongjoong being your partner in class, you had it brewing pretty quickly.

Professor Slughorn finally got to your table and smiled. “Hongjoong, I hadn’t expected anything else. It’s perfect. (y/n), did you help? Or did you let Hongjoong do all the work?” You quickly shook your head. “No, professor. I helped Hongjoong a lot!” He grinned. “Good, that’s what I like to hear.”

After chatting with the professor a bit, Hongjoong turned to you. “What does your Amortentia smell like?” He had a sparkle in his eyes and it made you smile.

You took a little sniff from the brewing cauldron. You giggled. “It smells like my bed, paint… And strange enough… You after a quidditch match?”

Hongjoong blushed, and giggled. “Well, my amortentia smells like… Hmm. A quaffle, new parchment and your hair… Hey, I predicted that earlier!” You just smiled and squeezed his hand.

After you and some other classmates were done with the potion, class ended. It was now dinner time and you and Hongjoong were on your way to the dining hall. When you got there you had to part ways to sit with your respectable friend group.

You sat down beside Yeri and Jungwoo, and started talking about your day and classes. Suddenly you felt someone squeeze in between you and a housemate , who you recognized to be Yewon. You looked up and it was Youngtaek.

Your relationship with Youngtaek was… Interesting. The boy had always had a small crush on you, and you kinda suspected he did. You never said anything about it, though.

You didn’t get along that well, he annoyed you sometimes with his know-it-all attitude but you always tried to be nice to him. He was a housemate after all.

“Hey, (y/n). I know we’re about to have desert but I made you a little pastry.” He said, visibly nervous.

“Oh my god…” “Jesus…” You heard Yeri and Jungwoo mumble. You were about to say something not so nice, but you changed your mind. Sometimes you can choose to not be a dick. “Do you like it?” Youngtaek asked you while playing with his fingers. You gulped. “Yes… Thank you.”

After dinner you were still a little hungry. “Hey, Youngtaek. Is it okay if I eat the pastry now?” He nodded eagerly. So you took a bite and looked at Youngtaek who grabbed your hand. You wanted to shove him away, but suddenly you didn’t mind it anymore. You actually liked it and laced your fingers with his. He giggled and put the pastry away. “Did it taste good?” You booped his nose. “Of course, silly!” Yeri and Jungwoo witnessed what went on and looked at each other. This couldn’t be good, but they decided to wait it out and see what happens.

Hongjoong had no idea that this had happened. But that wouldn’t last long.

That night you didn’t come to the gryffindor common room to cuddle and read with him. But he tried not to be too sad about it, maybe you just needed some time alone.

The next day you didn’t greet him on the way to the dining hall, in fact, he hadn’t even seen you. 

That was until he walked in there, and saw you glued to Youngtaek’s arm, Yeri and Jungwoo looking visibly uncomfortable and Youngtaek enjoying it very much. 

He stormed to his table and sat down next to Mingi. “What’s u-“ “What the hell is with (y/n) and Youngtaek? I’m their boyfriend, why are they glued to his arm? Why is he enjoying it so much? Why do (y/n)’s friends look so uncomfortable? What the hell is going on?!” Hongjoong ranted to Mingi. “Wait, didn’t that guy have a crush on (y/n)? Like, for a long time already? A-and, I don’t wanna assume but you guys got taught about Amortentia yesterday, no? Maybe… He took some and used it on them? I don’t know I’m just guessing but, it’s an option?” Mingi said.

Hongjoong’s blood started to boil. Could it be? Would Youngtaek do that? What the actual fuck? That was his s/o, not Youngtaek’s. He turned back to Mingi. “Dude, can you make an antidote. Please? It’s Saturday, we don’t have classes and I’ll make your herbology homework for the rest of the month?” Hongjoong pleaded. With a sigh and a nod, Mingi agreed.

After breakfast, Mingi headed to the potions class and Hongjoong went to look for Yeri and Jungwoo. 

He found them pretty quickly and pulled them aside. “Did Youngtaek give anything to (y/n) recently? Like to eat or drink or whatever the fuck?” 

Yeri nodded. “Yeah, yesterday at dinner he gave them a pastry and suddenly they were all over him.” “And you guys didn’t tell me anything? You guys didn’t tell a teacher? You didn’t tell him off?” Yeri and Jungwoo looked at eachother, and then looked down in shame. “What the fuck?” “Look, we didn’t think it was serious? Like, maybe (y/n) just got over their annoyance for Youngtaek and liked him? A bit? I don’t know, I’m sorry…”

Hongjoong ran his fingers through his silver locks and sighed in annoyance. “It’s- it’s whatever.  Look, just get (y/n) to the potions classroom in like, 20 minutes. Okay?” Yeri nodded as Jungwoo spoke. “Yes, sir!” And with that they went off to find you. Hongjoong headed to the potions classroom.

Meanwhile you, you were in your common room with Youngtaek. He was feeding you strawberries and cuddling you. “Ah, Youngtaek! You’re so cute!” You pinched his cheek and booped his nose. 

As he fed you the last strawberry, he spoke up. “Is it okay if I kiss you?” “Oh, of course, Youngtaek!”

“Not happening.” Jungwoo said and quickly picked you up and threw you over his shoulder. 

Yeri gasped. “Gosh, (y/n), you look so sick…” “Whatever!” You snarled. “Let me go! I was about to kiss the love of my life! The boy of my dreams! Let me go, right now!”

Needless to say, you struggled the whole way to the potions classroom. And a lot of people gave you, Yeri and Jungwoo weird looks. But none of you cared, Yeri and Jungwoo needed you cured.

As soon as you entered the classroom, Jungwoo sat you down in one of the chairs and you growled.

“What the hell is your problem? Can I go back to Youngtaek? He was gonna take me on a date to Hogsmeade.” Hongjoong balled his fists and was ready to go find him, but Mingi stopped him.

“Let’s cure your s/o first, okay?” Hongjoong just nodded.

Mingi walked over to you, holding the antidote, but you didn’t know that. It just looked like regular juice to you. “You can go to your loverboy if you drink this, you look… Uh, dehydrated. Yeah.”

“Whatever.” You took the cup and swallowed its contents.

Suddenly, you felt like you could properly breathe for the first time in twenty-four  hours. You felt dizzy and refreshed all at once.

“What- was that?”

Mingi squatted down in front of you. “Youngtaek gave you Amortentia and you were, well, in love with him for a whole day.” You nearly gagged in response,  but then it hit you.

You were “in love” with Youngtaek for the past twenty -four hours. Your eyes went wide and tears formed. “Where’s Joong?” You croaked out.

“I’m here…” He said and walked over to you.

Tears spilled from your eyes and you looked away from him. “’I’m so sorry, Hongjoong. I didn’t know he poisoned me. I-I-…” You stopped talking and just cried. He sat down where Mingi sat, and started rubbing soothing circles into your thighs. “Look at me, love. You didn’t know, and you couldn’t prevent this from happening. It’s fine. I still love you.”

You threw yourself onto Hongjoong and sobbed into his shoulder. “I love you too, so much. Don’t ever doubt that.”

You all eventually left the potions class and walked over to (your house’s) common room. Youngtaek was still sitting there and when he heard people enter he turned around and saw you. “Hey, babe.” He smirked. You just smiled at him and walked over to him. He stood up and stood in front of you, he noticed you didn’t look as sick anymore and panic set in. Before he could say anything, you slapped him in the face. “Don’t ever pull this shit again.”

That night, you slept over in Hongjoong’s room and you cuddled all night, whispering sweet nothing’s to each other and giggling.

Mingi and some other gryffindor boys didn’t get much sleep that night, but at least they were happy that their best chaser had his person back.

[henryandalex]

MALEC ADVENT CALENDAR 2018 | December 3rd by @super--noah | ao3

Christmas Party?!

December is a stressful month for many people and even more stressful for university student Alec Lightwood. Exams are coming closer and so are stupid Christmas parties. Alec has, to no one’s surprise, forgotten about a Christmas party at Clary's.

All the while he tries to navigate university and exams a new problem arises, he's been in a relationship for almost 4 months now and no one knows about it. His boyfriend wants to tell their friends and so does Alec, but he doesn't know how, when and where to tell them.

Good thing Christmas is a time for miracles.

(rated T for swearing)

Magnus rushed into the lecture hall only a couple of minutes before the lecture started. He sees Alec sitting between Simon and Raphael talking. Magnus couldn’t help but think he was perfect. He really wants to go sit by his friends, unfortunately, there were no more seats near them. He had to go sit 4 rows behind them.

Alec had seen Magnus enter which made him space out for a few seconds and missed what Raphael said to him. “Hello, earth to Alec. Did you hear what I said?” Raphael questions. “Sorry, what?” Alec answers. “You coming to clary’s Christmas party on Saturday?” “That’s this weekend?” Alec asks frantically. He had forgotten all about the Christmas party and he had made plans to meet with his study group all of Saturday. Fuck, he thought. “Yeah, did you forget about a party again?” Simon adds, making his presence in the conversation. “No, I remember everything obviously,” Alec says sarcastically and then adds, “couldn’t you tell by my panic that I clearly didn’t?” “Sorry, just a normal occurrence for you to forget a party,” Simon tells him. Alec’s phone vibrates on the table and he picks it up. He has a text from Magnus.

Text from Mags <3 U talking about Clary’s party?

Text to Mags <3 Yes, apparently, it’s this weekend I forgot about a party again Simon and Raphael are laughing at me :(

Text from Mags <3 You do have a tendency to forget parties and just study instead <3

Text to Mags <3 F U

As Alec sends the last text to Magnus the professor enters the lecture hall and starts the lesson. The subject of the lesson is quite boring for Alec, he covered Pythagoras sentence in freshman year of university, but the course classical science covers it too. He takes notes and pays attention anyway. His education is important to him. He feels his phone vibrate again but ignores it. He figures it’s probably just Magnus sending a pouty face emoji.

Once the lecture is over he’s ready for the weekend to start and it’s only Wednesday. At least he doesn’t have more lectures today. His plan was to go to Magnus’ place.

Magnus opens the door when he hears the doorbell ring. It’s Saturday evening and the Christmas party starts in an hour. He and Alec agreed that they’d go there together. “You look nice,” He says as Alec enters the hallway. “Thanks, you too obviously” Alec compliments back. Alec went to sit on Magnus’ bed as he watched Magnus finish getting ready for the party. He had dyed green and red stripes in his hair for the holiday season. Though Magnus’ make up was simple today the glittery green eyeliner was sparkling under the bedroom light. Alec almost fell into a trance watching his boyfriend get ready for a party. He always went all out no matter the size of the party. “You almost ready to go? We have to leave soon if we don’t want to be late” Alec asks. “Fashion is never late my dear” Magnus answers. “I know, but you look absolutely stunning and I want more time at the party to show you off to everyone,” Alec says, as he walks up behind Magnus and put his arms around his shoulders. “Give me two minutes and I’ll be finished,” Magnus tells him.

They’re only fifteen minutes late once they arrive at Clary’s house. Magnus goes to knock the door, but before he even touches the wood the door swings open and reveals Isabelle on the other side. “Magnus Bane, what a surprise to see you here,” Izzy says. When she notices Alec behind him she gives Alec a knowing look. “Dear brother nice of you to join us” she adds. “Well, someone decided that his makeup was more important than being on time” Alec explains. “Come in then” Izzy finally says and steps aside to let them in.

The party has been going for a couple of hours now, but Alec isn’t sure. He’s had some eggnog with a bit too much rum in for him to handle. He’s on the verge between tipsy and drunk. All he really wants now is to find Magnus in the crowd and kiss him. He sees Raphael and Clary talking on the couch. “Have one of you seen Magnus?” He asks slurring slightly. “He was talking to Jace by the bar last time I saw him,” Raphael says. “Thanks,” Alec says and walks away towards the bar.

Because of Alec’s tipsiness he wasn’t really thinking about his actions clearly, so once he finds Magnus he carefully grabs his hand and drags him away from the bar. He makes sure they’re in a somewhat secluded area of Clary’s house before he kisses Magnus. Magnus is shocked at first but it only takes him a few seconds to respond to the kiss. Alec has him backed against a wall and his tongue slowly enters Magnus’ mouth.

They’re full-on making out when they see the flash of a camera go off. Slowly they break apart to glare at the culprit. Apparently, all of their friends are looking at them and has been for a short while judging by the blush on Clary’s cheeks. “Enjoying the show?” Magnus asks annoyed. “It was quite at a show,” Simon says as he smirks at them. “Magnus, can we go home please?” Alec whines and pulls away from Magnus. “I guess that’s our cue to leave you two lovebirds alone” Izzy grins and winks at them. “Come on Alec, let's go” Magnus takes his hand and guides him towards the front door.

Once they get home and are lying in bed ready for sleep, Alec says “Guess we just came out to our friends tonight” “That we did darling that we did,” Magnus says and turns off the lamp on his bedside table. “Good night Mags, love you” Alec whispers just before he falls asleep.

[blinder-s]

Wedding Day / Tom Holland

i had major love rosie feels today so:) here is a short thing for u i hope u enjoy !!!

warnings: swearing, underaged drinking (im british so like this is just standard but don’t drink underage but this warning isn't coming from a good source)

words: 1,434

masterlist!

gif creds to the owner

You and Tom had grown up together, and your first memories always involved him. Whether it was at school or at home, playing in the garden or eating popcorn at midnight whilst watching a scary film. The two of you were inseparable, and even as puberty hit you were as thick as thieves.

“So, like, what’s the deal with you and Tom?” Your other friends would always ask him in gym, “are you two dating?” And you’d would always laugh and act repulsed like always, telling whoever it was that you were like siblings.

It wasn’t until you were seventeen that you realised he was quite possibly the love of your life. And, of course, he was dating the most popular girl in high school at this point. 

“She’s a bitch,” You would say as you walked back home together. She was a bitch, but that wasn’t going to stop him from kissing her behind the bike sheds during lunch period. 

“Yeah, but she got us both invited to that house party on Saturday.” Tom looked at you knowingly, and you shrugged in defeat. You still felt is was wrong to call your own girlfriend a bitch, but what did you know about relationships? 

And, as you put on your dress for this afternoon, you couldn’t help but think back to the night of Adam Williams’ house party. You couldn’t help but smile at how you got drunk for the first time and Tom having to carry you home at 2am the next morning. 

It was pink silk, and had white material flowers sewed on the bodice, and you did truly think it was beautiful. The bride to be, Molly, chose it for you, and to be truly honest, you couldn't have picked a dress more perfect for Tom’s wedding, unless it was a wedding dress. And as bad as it sounded, you’d pictured yours and Tom’s wedding day at least one hundred times; and not once did you think of having a strapless top with a corset at the back.

Molly’s dress was gorgeous, the way it hugged her body and complimented her skin so well. But you had always thought of something more traditional, maybe made of satin and a mermaid skirt. The train would be long enough, and there’d be embroidery and lace on it which would sparkle as you walked down the aisle. 

The whole ceremony was beautiful; his, now, wife looked as pretty as a picture and it took everything in you not to cry at how badly you wanted to be in her shoes. The vows were spoken crystal clear, and each time Tom smiled at her you could feel part of yourself break a little more. 

“I do!” 17 year-old-you screamed at the top of your lungs as someone shouted if anyone wanted to do shots. It was Saturday night, and Adam Williams was making some moves onto you, and you were sure that even more tequila shots would do the trick. 

“(Y/N), don’t you think that’s enough?” Tom pulled you aside. It was nearly two o’clock and you were convinced that this was the best night of your life; even if Tom did keep sneaking off to Adam’s bedroom to make out. You shook your head and waltzed over to the kitchen where a group of people were doing shots simultaneously.

“Come on Tom! Do one with me!” You shouted, grabbing two shot glasses, filled with some unknown clear spirit. He complied, downing the shot after you did. 

“That’s enough,” he slapped you hand away as you went to reach for a second, “I think it’s time for you to go home.”

“You’re not my dad.” You protested as he physically dragged you out of the house. You heard him whisper ‘thank god’ under his breath, “I heard that!” And you stopped, digging your heels into the road, and stared him down as he turned around to look at your drunken state.

Your hair had fallen out of its ponytail and your eyeliner was nearly all rubbed off. Tom still thought you looked as you always did; beautiful.

It was time for your speech and you drew a big breath. Of course, unconventionally you were Tom’s best man, and had to provide the entire guest list with an amusing speech. Tom nudged your leg from beside you in encouragement, but you could feel your skin start to crawl and your eyes prick with tears.

“I need to get you home before you pass out, or get alcohol poisoning or need your stomach pumped.” Tom pulled on your hand so hard that you thought it’d fall off, and you moved forward against your will.

You smiled at everyone, “well, where do I start?” You started, looking down at your crumpled piece of paper. It had come in handy to fiddle with as you wound yourself up to do your speech, “we grew up together, and I can’t remember a time without Tom. He has always been like a brother to me.”

“Stop treating me like your little sister!” You pulled away from his grip, “I’m fine Tom,” you slurred your words, and nearly tripped over but you stood your ground and looked at him. You were hurting now; your feet ached and you could feel something drilling into the left side of your head. 

“I think it’s safe to say that we’ve shared quite a few memories. I’m sure my dad remembers the first night I came home drunk; and that was definitely your fault.” Everyone laughed, and Tom looked at you, “I’ll always remember that night, even if we swore never to speak about it again.” His eyes clouded over in confusion as you looked at him, smiling sadly, “your mother always called me a bad influence, and I guess maybe she was right.”

“(Y/N), you’re my best friend!” He was pulling you harder and harder and you could see the street that lead to your house from here. 

“But I think, perhaps it’s time for you to make your decisions with Molly now.” You could feel the tears welling up in your eyes, and your vision became blurry, “when Tom said he was going to marry her, I was the happiest I could ever be. And if you’re happy, then I’m happy,” they were threatening to spill from your eyes and flood down your perfectly made up face.

“Maybe I don’t want to be just your best friend, Tom.” You screamed, crying on the side of the road, “maybe I’ll be sober tomorrow and regret all of this, but I love you, Tom! And there’s nothing I can do about it.”

“So, wherever life takes you, Tom,” you held up your flute of champagne up, “I wish you and Molly the happiest life together. And whatever you’re doing, at whatever time, just know that I will always, truly, incandescently love you,” you paused, looking down at him, “like a brother.”

He stood there motionless. “What?” He choked out. 

The rest of the ceremony went smoothly, and you downed a few too many glasses of white wine spritzers and had a couple more flutes of champagne or prosecco than you were supposed to. But Tom’s family all knew; they could see it in your eyes. It wasn’t until you were going to the loo, and Molly came in and commented on how pretty you were that the tears fell.

“Forget it!” Tears were streaming down you face now, and you couldn’t do anything to stop it. It was far beyond your control, as you sped away from Tom to your home. You slammed the door, and swore never to speak of what happened on the night Adam Williams’ house party.

“(Y/N), what’s the matter? Molly said she couldn’t stop you from crying.” Tom came rushing into the ladies bathroom, which was luckily empty except for you. 

You looked at him through long damp lashes, and smiled, “do you remember Adam Williams’ party?” He nodded, “I said I was in love with you.” He gulped, “well, I still am.” 

“(Y/N),” Tom tried to protest but you put your hand up to stop him.

“I’m not trying to be selfish. But Tom I have been in love with you since we were seventeen and were cycling along the beach in the summer.” You tried to keep your composure, letting the tears roll down your rouged cheeks. “I’m i love with you and maybe tomorrow morning you’ll be starting a new chapter of your life, and I’ll be sober. But I’ll always be in love with you.”

[jwi-sung]

all i see is you → kim doyoung

☞ masterlist

ʀᴇǫᴜᴇsᴛᴇᴅ ʙʏ: anon; could you write a doyoung drabble with prompt 6 and 80, fluff and perhaps a little angst? 💕

ɢᴇɴʀᴇ: drabble, fluff, with a bit of angst

ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ’s ɴᴏᴛᴇs: i may or may not have added more than a bit of angst and i may or may not have cried writing this hizzuckkkk

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ: swearing!!

ɪɴsᴘɪʀᴀᴛɪᴏɴ: this and this ohmygod i feel so attacked

D-9

“you are given the whole week to prepare for your debate. you better talk with your partners about your strategy and such,” your professor reminds the students. “i’ll see you tomorrow. class dismissed.”

the bell rang.

as soon as you were about to get out of the room, you felt someone grab your arm. you turn to face that person, he’s wearing a white hoodie with a black shirt inside. his face looks cold like those who you’d want to avoid.

“y/n, oh wait, sorry for that,” doyoung, one of your partners, say. “when are you free?”

“u-uh, i have a boyfriend.” you stutter. doyoung chuckled out a laugh, “no, i mean for the debate planning. don’t worry, i’ve already asked ten about it. he says he’s free whenever.”

wow he laughs. i barely even hear him talk.

“oh, tomorrow, saturday.” you say. “okay, it’s settled. 3pm?” he smiles. “sure.” you smile back.

D-8

“i’ll just get our orders.” doyoung said. you and ten nod to him, smiling.

“so are you sure he isn’t into you?” ten asks. “who? doyoung?” you gave him a puzzled look. “yeah, i mean for sure it isn’t only me who notice how his eyes sparkle whenever you talk.”

“pfft! as if.” you shrug it off.

“oh my god! i think this is the first time i’ve encountered someone who isn’t whipped for nct u’s members.” ten slow claps at you.

D-6

you were on the floor, wearing your pajamas, typing away your speech when you feel someone hug your back. it was 9pm when yuta, your boyfriend, surprises you at your dorm. he knows you’ve been staying up late these days because of your debate.

“baby, you haven’t been sleeping well because of this debate.” yuta pouts. “i’m sorry baby,” you answer. “don’t worry once doyoung, ten, and i are finished with the debate i’ll be free.”

“doyoung?” he asks, shockingly. “as in doyoung from nct u?”

“no, it’s doyoung from my literature class,” you jokingly say. “kidding! yeah, him. why? what’s wrong?” you ask. “stay away from him.” yuta’s face turned grim and suddenly, the whole atmosphere became serious.

“why? he seemed nice.” your voice became more and more quiet. “y/n, he’s one of the bad guys and i don’t want you to get hurt.” he says as he nuzzles his head on crook of your neck.

you turn to your boyfriend and say, “you know what, after this debate i’ll stay away from doyoung and his group.”

“for you.” you send him a sweet smile.

D-3

“well, i better get going. i have after school classes to go to,” ten says to doyoung and you. “bye guys! just text me if you need something.”

“bye ten! stay safe.” you wave to him.

“y/n,” doyoung catches your attention. “want to go for some ice cream? i-i mean i know we just finished eating at this cafe, but—“

“i’m in,” you laugh. “i’m kinda craving for one anyway.”

you walk to this ice cream shop that’s just a few steps away from the cafe you went to. you ordered yourself a bubble gum flavored ice cream while doyoung ordered a matcha flavored one.

as you were about to pull out your wallet, doyoung insisted that he’ll pay. you didn’t want to budge at first, but he kept insisting so you gave in. you sat at one of those bar stools near the window.

“you know, everyone keeps telling me you’re the bad guy.” you casually say. “really now?” doyoung laughs. “is that true?” you ask.

“i mean my friends are assholes at times, but not all of us are,” he says. “i’m more of like the sober guy who takes care of them and take them home safely, but whatever floats your boat.” he proceeded to take a bite of his ice cream.

“so, you’re not really a bad guy after all.” you conclude. “i guess not.” doyoung said, smiling at you.

after some time, you check your watch seeing that it’s already 9:15pm. “hey, i need to get going. you need to go home too,” you say looking at him. “it’s getting late.”

“come on i’ll give you a ride.” he offers. “oh, no, thank you. i’ll just ride the bus.” you say. “if you insist,” he says. “let me walk you to the bus stop.”

you wave to him goodbye as you got inside the bus.

D-2

you, doyoung, and ten were rehearsing your debate. ten asks, “could you pass me that?” he points at the paper that lays between you and doyoung. as you were about to grab the paper, you felt a hand brush over you.

“oh, sorry. i didn’t see your hand.” doyoung suddenly said.

“i-it’s okay.” you couldn’t look at him. you could only look at your hands as you pass the paper to ten. this reminded you of the first time you talked to him, almost a week ago.

you didn’t see it, but ten was looking at the both of you, smirking.

D-1

why am i like this? 

you kept thinking about him. not yuta, but doyoung. you're stressed not because of the debate that’s about to happen in a while, but because you feel guilty.

your thoughts were cut when you hear a whisper, “don’t need to be nervous, just relax.” you turned to the voice only to be shocked at how close your face is to doyoung.

“shit.” you mumbled. “w-what?” he blinked.

“uhh, nothing.” you fidget with the sleeves of your cardigan.

fortunately, your group won the debate. after announcing the winner you three did a group hug. doyoung offered you both an invite to this party nct u will be holding tomorrow at jaehyun’s house.

“sure!” ten agreed. “how ‘bout you?” ten asked, looking at you. “i can’t, sorry.” you say. “why?” doyoung pouts. “come on, it’ll be a lot of fun!” he added.

“well, you see, i have this date tomorrow with yuta.” you shyly say. “o-oh, okay then.” you can see the sadness in his eyes.

later that night you laid on your bed, while thinking about today. you decided to text your boyfriend.

[y/n]: babe!     —8:45pm

two hours later, he still wasn’t answering. you thought that maybe he’s just doing some errands. you were getting sleepy waiting for him to reply so you sent him one last message before going to bed.

[y/n]: yuta, baby. good night! i love you so much ♡      —10:30pm

D-0

[y/n]: can’t wait to see u today!!      —2:01pm

it’s 2pm. you’re getting ready for your date with yuta. you wore a light yellow long sleeve with jean shorts, along with some white keds for your shoes. 

you get to the restaurant, that’s reserved for the both of you, first. when will yuta ever beat me at being early? you giggled. checking the time of your phone, you’ve been sat for thirty minutes now. you tried to call your boyfriend.

[calling love ♥....]

he wasn’t picking up, so you decided to call again.

[calling love ♥....]

and he still didn’t pick up the phone call. you texted his roommate.

[y/n]: hi johnny! have you seen yuta? he hasn’t been in contact with me since last night.

[johnny]: he’s somewhere here at nct u’s party. i saw him a while ago.

[y/n]: really? thank you so much!

[johnny]: no problem.

you were so angry at yuta. first, he doesn’t contact you. second, he forgets your date. third, he hates nct u’s guts, but he’s there at their party. you take a taxi to jaehyun’s house. as you open the front door, you were startled when the first person you saw was none other than a shocked doyoung.

“h-hi, is yuta there?” you ask. “yeah, i saw him here a while ago.” he points inside the crowded house whilst holding a red cup. “may i come in?” you ask again. “sure.”

doyoung helped you to look for yuta. you both were walking upstairs and doyoung asked, “aren’t you supposed to be on a date with him today?”

“i thought so too.” you couldn’t think properly with all the anger building up inside you. you opened doors after doors looking for yuta. you saw things you shouldn’t have seen. you were on the last door when you heard,

“i’m in love with you, okay?” it sounded like a girl. “whenever i saw her with you, i was jealous.”

“i love you too.” you heard a faint, but familiar voice. you open the door and you saw yuta kissing a different girl.

tears were building up, “yuta—” your voiced cracked. “y/n...” yuta said.

you ran away and yuta tried to chase after you. you passed by doyoung who heard everything. as you got downstairs, you were trapped by jaehyun, taeyong, and winwin. “hey baby! where do you think you’re going?” jaehyun asked. they’re clearly drunk.

“fuck off guys!” doyoung pushed them off. “come on, doyoungie. the party’s just about to start!”

you ran outside, but it was raining. you kneeled on the grass sobbing. “y/n! it’s raining!” doyoung catches up to you and tries to shield the rain for you by using his jacket. “let’s get you home.” you both rode in his car and you were still sobbing.

“did they hurt you?” he asked, looking over at you. you shook your head no and mumbled, “but yuta did.”

you got inside your dorm room and doyoung offered to make you soup. you changed into your pajamas and got in bed. hugging your knees, you started crying again. “here’s your soup,” doyoung entered the room. “hey, it’s going to be okay.” he put down the soup on your bedside table and hugged you while rubbing your back comfortingly.

you hugged him back as you mumbled, “he chose me, but he still loved her.”

after you’ve calmed down, you ate the soup he made, “thank you.”

“no problem, y/n.” he gave a soft smile. you were so tired from what happened today that you started to get sleepy. doyoung tucked you in and was about to go when you held his hand.

“please stay.” you said. “okay,” he went beside you and hummed a lullaby. “good night, y/n.”

you also bid a good night to doyoung as he kissed your temple.

[arr-jim-lad]

was tagged by @ellahrairah

My last:

Drink: Apple/Kiwi Burn energy drink mixed with OJ

Phone call: mom, earlier today

Text message: ‘good night’ to mom, yesterday

Song you listened to: Asgore the Shogun of the Mountain remix

Time you cried: don’t remember when I last cried actual tears but last time i remember ALMOST crying was definitely last week at the 2nd episode of my hero academia lmao

Have I ever:

Dated someone twice: no

Kissed someone and regretted it: no

Been cheated on: no

Lost someone special: yes

Been depressed: yes

Gotten drunk and thrown up: no

Three favorite colors: this is not a ‘have you ever’ lmao but, blue, orange and pink, however i’m very particular about what shades

In the last year you have:

Made new friends: i’m pretty sure i’ve had all of my friends for over a year and i’m not a person who befriends new people often 

Fallen out of love: i’d have to fall in love first for that to happen lmao

Laughed until you cried: yeah

Found out someone was talking about you: //snort

Meet someone who changed you: you know, this ‘in the last year’ section is way too broad i literally don’t have the memory to fully grasp the passing of time also we are in the middle of the year now so it’s not like i can look back on a full year, i have to look back on half of this year and half of 2016 and this is really terrible and i hate it i am very frustrated rn.

Found out who your friends are: yes

Kissed someone on your Facebook list: no

How many of your Facebook friends do you know irl: 19 out of 23

Do you have any pets: IS THIS STILL THE ‘IN THE LAST YEAR’ SECTION????? 

Do you want to change your name: no but also where was the break from ‘in the last year’ section supposed to be i’m pretty sure this isn’t it anymore

What did you do for your last birthday: literally nothing

What time did you wake up: in the entirety of the last year? too early. in the last month? 2-3PM is my morning.

What were you doing at midnight last night: things people usually do at midday. probably having lunch & working.

Name something you cannot wait for: i can’t wait to finish the remaining college works and then be free of this college hell

When was the last time you saw your mom: saturday but the fam is coming over to visit tomorrow

What are you listening to right now: i can’t write and listen to music at the same time

Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: undersong director

Something that is getting on your nerves: that fucking ‘in the last year’ section

Most visited website: probably a decent tie between deviantart, tumblr and youtube

Hair color: brown

Long or short hair: short

Do you have a crush on someone: no

What do you like about yourself: how much i improved as a person and an artist since the beginning of 2016

Blood type: A

Nickname: salt king? meme lord? sqrl? idk man why would you give a nickname to someone with a name as short as jim. EDIT: @cmoontoon​ confirmed it’s salt king, meme lord, jimbo, jamble and nerd ((”SALT KING AND MEME LORD ARE LITERALLY BOTH NICKNAMES I GAVE U PLS CLAIM THEM“-Cui))

Relationship status: single

Zodiac sign: libra

Pronouns: he/him is what you call a jim

Favorite Tv show: Steven universe, my hero academia, star vs, my little pony, fullmetal alchemist brotherhood, k-on and more

Tattoos: 'stay determined’ on my left arm, 2 rings on my right

Right or left handed: right

Surgery: yes

Sport: i work out sometimes and it’s miserable

Vacation: i don’t vacate, i work

Trainers, sneakers or tennis shoes: sneakers

More general:

Eating: pasta, pizza, chicken nuggets, sandwiches

Drinking: OJ, cocoa, energy drinks

I’m about to: slowly head to sleep after this

Waiting for: new my hero academia dubs, god damnit

Want: to be free of college

Get married: no thanks

Career: freelance artist

Which is better:

Hugs or kisses: hugs

Lips or eyes: eyes

Shorter or taller: as a shortie i’m inclined to say shorter but we all know how i feel about tall characters by now

Older or younger: ???

Nice arms or nice stomach: i want both so i should honestly get back into my workout routine, it’s miserable but at least it’s something. like i know this is probably a relationship section but fuck that. my blog my rules.

Hook-up or relationship: ew gross neither get away from me

Troublemaker or hesitant: i’m inclined to side with hesitant bc please think shit through before you act mkay

Have you ever:

Kissed a stranger: god this meme is thirsty

Drank hard liquor: no

Lost glasses or contact lenses: NO

Turned someone down: no

Sex on the first date: god this meme is uncomfortable

Broken someone’s heart: unlikely

Had your heart broken: yes

Been arrested: no

Cried when someone died: both my grandparents

Fallen for a friend: please stop that

Do you believe in:

Yourself: H E C K  Y E A H

Miracles: eh, can’t really say i do

Love at the first sight: no

Santa Claus: obviously

Kiss on the first date: couldn’t care less

Angels: no

Other:

Current best friends name: ∗ˈ·₊° Cui °₊·ˈ∗ (the sparkles are a mandatory part of her name)

Eye color: brown

Favorite movie: this was such a fun meme and it’s ended with this horrible buzzkill of a question??? i feel tricked. if this question was higher up i would’ve quit. but now i already finished the entire rest of the questionnaire. i guess if i HAD to narrow it down heavily; prince of egypt, sing, treasure planet, song of the sea, dawn of the dead 

i’m no good at tagging people tbh i never know who’s into doing these questionnaires and who hates them so i’m just gonna pass the curse to @cmoontoon bc she volunteered lmfao <3

[deehollowaywrites]

horse of a different color

Four jockeys, two cities, one love, all Pride.

New York City - June 25, 4:15PM

“You know what’s so great about being based at Gulfstream?”

Joel looked at me over his sunglasses, black eyebrows quirked like he was ready for me to say something foolish or obvious. “The year-round riding?”

“Good point,” I allowed. He was such a workaholic, but I liked that look on a guy. “I was thinking more that Miami’s Pride is in April, so we get to do two per year. Aren’t we the luckiest motherfuckers on the planet?”

We were, to my way of thinking, or at least I was. Me with my paragon of a boyfriend, handsome and talented and a Classic win deep into a very good summer. Me in one of the most beautiful cities in the world--New York was no Miami, but it was a good place to be on the second Saturday in June, and the third Sunday was even better. Me surrounded by color and life, music, chanting in twenty different languages. Me and him and everyone else, the same and different for that moment.

“You just like parades,” Joel said, and wrapped his arm around my waist. “And marches and rallies. You remember…”

He cut off, a hint of a smile on his mouth, and I tried to decide what he might be remembering. Us two months earlier in Miami Beach, dancing on one of the drag floats with his cousin Dani, wearing Hawaiian-print board shorts and not much else? Us the year before, the weekend after Belmont, our first Belmont and our first New York Pride, or us this past Friday night at Fantasy, the ‘Men At Work’ theme and Joel’s breeches in a context different than the one I was used to--

“That rally,” he said. His arm tensed, his hand on my hip. I was wearing a tank top, Breeders’ Cup purple the perfect shade for a Pride weekend, and the sides were slashed down far enough that his skin was warm against mine. He turned his head, looking beyond the High Line, and his lips met my curls. “You remember.”

I remembered: the two of us in a crowd heading for the Miami-Dade courthouse, the wet June heat. His mouth, vodka-flavored; my best friend texting where r u and me ignoring it. Joel trying to tell me something, to open up, and me ignoring that too because I was a dipshit, or scared, because it was easier to go for what I wanted in that moment instead of what I was afraid I might want for life. The two of us at the start.

Across the rooftops Fifth Avenue was visible, the glitter and noise of the March snaking slowly through Manhattan. People we knew were down there, street-level, in the parade itself and along the sidewalks. Tallis was somewhere with Jessa and her girlfriend, and we’d have to go find them pretty soon, because we had dinner reservations at Ngam. As though on cue, my phone buzzed and I slid it out of my pocket, expecting a chiding Tallis text. Instead it was Lexington’s own blond-bitch princess, a picture of Felix and Adair in front of a rainbow horse statue in Triangle Park. A giant LexPride flag wrapped them together. I’d have sworn Adair’s smile was brighter than the light reflecting off their sunglasses.

“The cutest,” I declared, and showed my phone to Joel. “Great. Now we’ll have to one-up them.”

There was no question of the quantity of photos in my phone. We’d been walking all morning, pausing to get drinks and take pictures and kiss. If Felix was going to be all adorable, we’d be adorable right back at her--even more so, because I had a secret weapon of industrial-strength cuteness, and he was standing right next to me. Joel’s flannel had accumulated more pins and patches beside his old rainbow Cuban flag button as we’d stopped at stalls and merch booths, and--I rubbed my arm against his shoulder, where skin met the soft, torn edge of his sleeve. Was it the same flannel? Black-and-red plaid, faded, the softest thing in his closet. Back then, in front of the Miami courthouse, it’d been buttoned up; now it was open over his bare chest, sun glinting on a gold cross and the warm brown skin of his abs, black boxer-briefs visible above cut-off jeans and his Jordans.

“Just so you know,” I said, and I hadn’t expected my voice to be rough. “You look deadly.”

“You should be looking at the parade,” Joel said, but a smile slipped across his face. The hand on my hip eased north, his fingers hooking inside my shirt. His other hand tipped up the brim of my hat, then adjusted the JEWS FOR JUSTICE patch and the rainbow Keshet pin. A pinky lifted my Magen David from where it dangled over the Breeders’ Cup logo. “You look like free advertising.”

“The powers that be should pay me for this endorsement,” I said, and tugged his face down to mine. “The best is yet to…come.”

Joel snorted. “I guess I’ll give you some credit for waiting so long to whip that out.”

“Considering what you were whipping out on the dance floor last night, I deserve all the credit.”

In the sky above us, the sun passed over a cloud. It’d been like that all weekend, fast-moving clouds shot with brutal sunlight. Colorful sunscreen and body paint were everywhere. Yesterday Joel, long-suffering mensch that he was, had let me draw stars and horses all over his arms in rainbow splotches of zinc, a gigantic green outline of Florida on his stomach, a heart on each cheek. Now he pushed his sunglasses into his hair and gazed at me. “Ben.”

“Petsl.”

Tatteleh, I wanted to whisper to the smooth skin beneath his jaw, bubbeleh, gelibt boychick, every soft, sweet thing I could think of, all the endearments that weren’t enough in English and were somehow almost enough in Yiddish. He had a tendency to forget--how good he was, how beautiful, even on days like Pride when it was so easy to remember that we were loved, when it was safe to love.

I liked reminding him.

“I hope you’re having fun.”

“I’m always having fun,” I said, which was only the truth.

“Well--” he said. “But you know what I mean.”

“You mean,” I said, “that the racetrack is suffering without us.” He pressed his lips together, a sure sign that he was trying to be serious and failing to resist my notable charms. “You mean that the bettors are pining. You mean that Jamie Hamilton is gnashing his teeth over race five, which you would be winning right now if you weren’t here. Is that what you mean?”

He kept looking at me, his eyes soft black without the blue-tinted aviators, humoring me.

“Thank you for being here with me.” I kissed his cheek, the skin tasting faintly of sunscreen. “I know I can be a one-man gay Pride parade, but this only happens once a year.”

“Twice a year,” Joel murmured, turning so that I felt his smile on my lips. “If you’re lucky like us.”

New York City - June 25, 5:05PM

Jessa’s new girlfriend was one of the most beautiful women I’d ever seen.

To be fair, every woman I laid eyes on was up there; I just happened to really, really like women. And maybe I should’ve been jealous--maybe I should’ve looked at Esther draped over Jessa like kudzu and sucked my teeth--maybe in the back of my mind there was a highlights reel playing, the two of us that summer when everything changed, and the two of us in an Ozone Park walk-up, a Morningside Heights cafe, a Saratoga ballroom. But Jessa was happy and it was Pride, and as my grandma would’ve said, my cup was overflowing.

“Your cup,” Jessa said, giggling. “Tallis.” She grabbed the solo cup out of my hand as it tipped, my elbow on the railing of the rooftop bar. “Some poor soul down on the street won’t know what hit them.”

“Hey, like, if I time it right--like, when Ben texts me they’re heading over I’ll have to keep an eye out,” I said. “I’ll spot Joel’s frowny-face a mile away and then I’ll dump this right on Ben’s head.”

“That would definitely give them an idea of our location,” Jessa agreed. Esther looked at her and then at me, smiling and a little confused. Her face, I decided, was sweet. She looked like an icon of Black Mary, round cheeks and big dark eyes and a neck that wouldn’t have seemed out of place with the swan boats, her hair hidden beneath a bright blue-print turban. Jessa leaned over and darted a kiss at her, and I thought very hard about anything other than the berry flavor of her favorite purple lipstick, the way the sun hit her deep brown skin. “They’re Tallis’s friends. She just has a strange way of showing affection.”

“Ben understands me,” I said loftily. “And Joel respects me. Like, on the dirt, at least.” I sipped at the rest of the cocktail in my cup, what Jessa called an Ice Pick. Something along the lines of an Arnold Palmer, but with vodka. It was refreshing as hell on what was turning out to be the hottest day of New York’s summer so far. “They were supposed to come to the rally but--I mean, I suppose they were hungover. I guess I’ll allow it, like, how often does Joelito get smashed? Not often.”

Still, it would have been nice to have them at the rally. Ben was more political than he let on, and Joel was more political than he looked, and it was always chill when they were around, among the chants and the signs. If I couldn’t have Iris and Marcy, my best friends from high school, armed with slogans and literature, the boys were a good next-best.

“Those were some pictures from last night.” Jessa cocked an eyebrow. They were sparkling today, her perfect eyebrows, pink glitter swept along their arches to match the fuchsia braided into her hair. She looked like cotton candy, pink and purple swirled together in a galaxy-print romper and her lilac lips. “Tallis, I kind of figured you might wear something similar today, yet here you are in civvies.”

The pictures in question involved breeches, because Ben and Joel were predictable. I looked down at my own gear. “So maybe I didn’t feel like wearing my work uniform, geez.”

“Still,” Jessa said, face straight and brown eyes dancing. “Does what it says on the tin.”

The tin said DOWN TO RIDE in white block letters across my sports bra. It was too hot for real clothing, and Pride wasn’t for real clothing anyway, and I couldn’t figure why Jessa was giving me a hard time. Between my bra and cut-offs and Docs I still had more coverage going on than half the people dancing on this roof.

“You look great, Tallis,” Esther said, almost gushing. Maybe she felt like she had to be extra-nice, since she was kissing on my former lady-friend right in front of me. “Can I ask what your work-out regimen is like? Because Lord, you are in really good shape.”

“I mean,” I said. “I mainly just, like… ride horses.” I flapped my hands at my chest, not that there was much chest to be flapped at. Whatever boobs I’d been packing had long vanished in favor of muscle. “Like Jessa said. Does what it says on the tin.”

“Oh,” Esther said, and did that thing again, her eyes swerving between me and Jessa like she’d missed something. They hadn’t been dating for that long, they were still in the gooey stage of staring at each other and touching every three seconds, and when I’d heard--when I’d gotten back to New York after the Derby and Jessa had called me instead of responding to a simple hook-up text--when I’d seen Esther today, lovely and giggling on Jessa’s arm… It was difficult to be angry, or even that sad. Sad was a well-worn spot in my heart that would probably never scar over. But it was Pride, and Jessa was happy. Esther made her happy. Esther, who looked at me again and said, “Well, you look amazing.”

“Speaking of pictures,” I said, because things were starting to get awkward, “check what my guru’s up to.” My agent’s wife had texted me an hour or so before, and I flashed my phone at Jessa. “I mean, for real, look at this old man! I gotta tell him to perk up. Somebody up there better dunk his head in a cooler or some shit, like, it’s too early for naptime.”

Jessa giggled. “If I were Phil I’d have drawn dicks on his face.”

“Good to know,” Esther said. She slipped Jessa a sidelong look, lips pursed. “Remind me not to fall asleep around you.”

“That ain’t what you’ll wake up to,” Jessa said, composed. I tried to ignore that face of hers, the calm one she pulled on when she was delivering lightning bolts, the smooth full cheeks and innocent expression that came out when her hand was on your thigh. “Tallis, there’s a cutie at the bar giving you mad eyes.”

I tugged a curl of my frohawk and turned, hoping I seemed casual even though if said cutie bopped my way she’d find out soon enough that there was nothing casual about me. She was pretty, all legs in a pair of sailor shorts, black ink peeking out of her waistband and a belly-button ring turning olive skin golden in the sun. She had a tallboy in one hand, the aluminum hiding her mouth as she sipped, round sunglasses low on her nose.

Jessa whistled and kicked my ankle. “Quit standing around, girl. We’ll keep an eye out for the boys.”

Ben and Joel could take their time, as far as I was concerned. The girl at the bar wasn’t looking away, and Jessa and Esther had their heads together, tittering like pigeons, and it was Pride. Maybe I should’ve been at the track, making money instead of spending it, but there were a few things I loved more than horses and this was one. All around me New York was partying; from this high up the streets below looked like they were paved in glitter. Hands were being held and cheeks kissed and in bathrooms and stairwells and on balconies and throughout the parading streets people were in love. I was in love, with my work and the people in my life, even if... And some of that feeling I could pinpoint, I had the receipts committed to memory, and some of it seemed like it’d always been in me, and some of it I knew would never leave.

But there was always room for more.

Lexington - June 25, 5:35PM

It’d been five years, I realized when the float was swinging past Broadway, aimed straight for the arena.

“What?” Phil called, her hip twisting under my hand. She’d been dancing, so it seemed, since we woke up that morning, hungover beyond the telling of it in a hotel off Red Mile and Felix beating our door down, get the fuck out of bed, Eduardo, we got bigots to piss off. Phil grinned, her face close to mine. “Five years since what?”

“Five years!” I put my lips to her ear so she could hear me over the loudspeakers, the grand marshal in the distance and our float blaring Tegan and Sara. “I know you ain’t forgot. It was all your idea anyway.”

She looked at me a moment longer, and then her smile broke into laughter. Sun glinted off her tongue ring, a tiny little gold-edged rainbow for the occasion. “Oh my god. Eddy. I totally forgot I popped your Pride cherry. Baby.” She kissed me, still laughing, and I caught the taste of orange-bourbon slushies on her tongue. “Mazel tov, man. Happy anniversary.”

June was a good month anyway, so I’d always figured, the Belmont being my preferred of the Crown races and my birthday landing another week in, and now Father’s Day. I did like being a father. Add Pride into it, and June was the heavy favorite for best month of the year, as far as I was concerned. Phil linked an arm around my waist, moving faster as the DJ switched over to a Gaga remix. Her cheek pressed mine, the gold lame fabric of her dress slightly sticky under my palm. “I’m glad we’re still here.”

Still here. Still in Lexington, still together--still brazenly queer, her, and still a little squirrelly about it, me. I remembered that conversation, when we’d been together for nearly a year. You’ve really never been? But Felix… Felix, Pride enthusiast extraordinaire. Felix, who’d probably be Grand Marshal of Lexington’s Pride before she turned thirty-five. Felix, who right then was about a mile ahead of us, her and Adair and Maribel with Iona on the Ruffians float. It was the first year that batch of ritzy Kentucky horsewomen had reserved a spot in the parade. Felix had scoffed, but I liked what I thought it said about her mother.

“Anybody give you a hard time yet?” Phil said, and leaned past me to wave. “Here, we should start throwing beads again.”

There was a bucket of beads at our feet, half-forgotten as the sun and noise had gone to work on us. It was real easy to forget a lot of things, I’d noticed, this particular weekend. The mass of color caught my eyes, made me look everywhere at once instead of focusing on any one detail. The simplicity of the whole thing gummed up my gears. For once, for just a few days, you could believe things were all right.

I grabbed a handful of beads and raised them, looking out at the crowd on the street. “Anybody gave me a hard time, you’d have known about it. Seeing as you been all over me all day.” Phil bumped her hip into mine. “I’m not complaining, mind.”

“You better not,” she said. “And they better not.” Her lips tightened, her profile sharp with its sunglasses against the downtown skyline and the bright blue sky. “When we were getting ready to push off I heard that new guy say something to Marisa. ‘Who invited the hets?’ Some shit like that.” She tossed her beads out to the air, aiming for a couple of girls in UK gear, then leaned into my shoulder. “Like, of course I’ve got to come out to some rando on Pride. Of course.”

“You don’t have to say anything to anyone.”

Our float was one put on by the art collective Phil was part of, had been running in the Lexington parade every year that I’d been going. Any new guy participating needed to introduce himself to Phil, not the other way around. It prickled me--how this happened every year in some form, somebody looking at us and thinking they knew what they were seeing. It bothered me because it bothered her, not so much for my own sake. That had been part of the reason why I’d never been to Pride, before Phil took me. It had seemed like I’d be butting in, even if I belonged there, and I’d never been sure I did. Phil had been the first person other than Felix I’d said those words to. Even now I didn’t know, not really.

“Eddy,” she said, and kissed me softly. “Don’t worry about it. It’s been a great weekend.” Her hand slid down my back, slotting into my pocket. “Also, you look hot.”

“I am hot,” I told her, and pulled back just enough to drop a strand of beads around her neck. I’d been doing this off and on all day, watching the multi-colored beads nestle into her cleavage until she complained they were sticking to her and took them off. “It’s very hot out, if you hadn’t noticed.”

“Uh-huh.” She lifted her hair with both hands, the heavy black weight of it, and pulled some magic trick to keep it in a bun without an elastic. “I meant that new ink, but you’re not wrong. You should take up meteorology when you get bored with agenting.”

I examined my right shoulder where it lay open to the warm air. I’d finally used up all the real estate on my left arm, the round petals of a Bayahibe rose inching down over the back of my hand. The first and only ink on my right arm thus far was our daughter’s name, etched into a scroll to match the one with my mother’s name on my left bicep. When I looked up again, Phil was looking too, green eyes narrowed over her heart-shaped sunglasses. She licked her lips and winked.

“I’m just saying. I’d marry your ass if I hadn’t already, tattoo like that.” She leaned in again, her mouth against my ear. “I like commitment.”

I liked it too. My whole life people had been calling me serious, too serious sometimes. In the early days someone had told me Phil got bored easily, and maybe it was true, but if it was, apparently my glitz hadn’t worn off yet. Hers sure hadn’t, and I doubted it ever would. She’d been hard to resist then, smirking at me over a big fancy Nikon, her tongue ring and those hips I wanted to die between; she was even harder to resist now, the soft stamp of motherhood on her, that gold dress low-cut over a strappy black bra and sandals winding up toward her knees.

Somewhere on this float was a guy who thought the two of us didn’t need to be here. Somewhere in the parade was our baby and her aunties. Phil had started this chapter of my life and we’d finish it together, us and Mari and Felix and Adair, and right then I couldn’t think of anything better.

Phil’s hand pressed harder into my pocket, then flashed my phone. “Someone wants you.”

“I know she does,” I said, and kissed her nose. She giggled, swiping open the phone. “So who wants me now? Better not be Tallis.”

“It is Tallis,” she said. “But not for work.”

The picture on the screen was my errant little girl-jock, smack between Gwen Taylor’s daughter and a very pretty girl I didn’t recognize. New York soared behind them, and color exploded in every corner of the picture, Tallis with a rainbow painted across the slope of her nose and Jessa wearing pink braids and purple lipstick. happy PRIDE 2 my favorite bi babes, the text read. B good & kiss Mari PLEASE xoxoxox Tallis n Jessa

Phil giggled, her head tipped against mine. The sun lit her skin and the unicorn-sheen blush she’d swept on that morning. “Happy Pride, Eddy.”

I kissed her and kissed her again, murmured it back to her, let it sink into me. Viva Orgullo.

Lexington - June 25, 6:30PM

Somehow, this was the first time I’d cried at a Pride festival.

The amphiteatre was crowded to capacity but every scrap of conversation and laughter died as the recitation began. Voices swelled over it, the choir on the stage singing ‘Amazing Grace’ while the speaker read out Antonio Brown...Luis Conde...Eddie Justice...and maybe it was shoulders pressing mine, a hand on my waist, and maybe it was Adair’s face on the platform among the women singing, and maybe it was too many other faces in my mind, too much terrible potential.

Eddy’s arm on my shoulders went tight. He didn’t say anything, and neither did Phil, not even to whisper jokingly that the rainbow painted on my cheek was about to smudge. I licked my lips, then said, voice low, “Can I hold Mari?”

I knew they were looking at each other over my head, but Phil smiled as she shifted the kid in her arms. Mari’s weight was comforting, her cheek rolling against my chest and her hair smelling of sunscreen. I wanted to close my eyes and bury my face in her black curls, but Adair deserved more than that, and so did the woman speaking.

So did the dead.

“She sounded amazing,” Eddy said a few minutes later when the crowd around us began to move. We stood there on the grass, an island of three and a snoozing baby, watching couples kissing and groups forming, friends calling out directions and plans. “They all did, but Adair--por Dios, up there looking like an angel.” He slapped my shoulder, tweaking the thin strap of my dress. “And you, Miss Slutty Charms, pride of Lexington.”

So maybe the dress was bright green and transparent in the sun, and maybe it was so short as to barely deserve the name, but I thought the Honeycomb Hills snapback and high-top sneakers kind of leavened the look. Anyway, Adair’s eyes popping when I’d come out of the hotel bathroom this morning was the whole point. I hefted Mari up, patting her back as she mumbled something. “That’s Mrs. Slutty Charms to you, asshole.”

It still felt bizarre, being someone’s missus, bizarre and impossible and perfect. We were nearly a year in, me and Adair, and I was never going to be used to it. It was just one more thing kicking this year’s Pride into the stratosphere: the rock on Adair’s finger, the smile on her face now there for yet another reason. I looked at her again, across the crowd, still on the stage with her chorus. She’d come meet us in a few minutes but for now I wanted nothing but to stare at her. Her long legs in that high-waist skirt, her brown belly under that bright pink crop top. She had on one of her fun prosthetics, rainbow-print plastic meeting her thigh, and a pair of lacy leather gladiator sandals. Even on a stage full of women in peacock feathers and wild hair, she glowed.

“So am I getting my daughter back any time soon?” Eddy peered at us, his disapproving dad face out in full force. “You going to add kidnapping to your long list of incorrigible activities, Felicity?”

I hmm-ed and didn’t answer. Truth be told, Mari was something to clutch right then, something to remind me that life was still going on. Eddy’s eyes softened, and he pushed us over to a bare spot on the ampitheatre’s north wall. “You ok?”

The stone felt gritty on my thighs when I sat down. “I hate being afraid.”

He didn’t say, what do you got to be afraid of?

I let Phil take Maribel off my lap. She was starting to wake up and would probably be hungry, and that was her parents’ arena, not mine. Flicking open my phone, I showed Eddy the screen. “Look at this.”

He chuckled, gray eyes skating over the picture. “Yeah. Tallis texted me earlier too. Looks like they’re all having fun, eh?”

The text had arrived sometime late in the afternoon, when our float was just pulling up in front of the arena. It was a message like a dozen others I’d gotten over the past month, pictures and captions from Pride festivals in cities all over the country. I liked seeing them--liked knowing where all my friends and colleagues were, that they were having fun, they were safe. And it wasn’t like Ben Goldfarb didn’t text me more or less endlessly anyway. Fucking up your Laurel track record, nbd or hey you ever been to the Keys? Next time you’re at GP we’ll go, pictures from the jocks’ room, Joel frowning at the camera.

It was cute, and this message was too: the two of them on the New York City High Line, Fifth Avenue’s blaring-bright parade in the distance. The two of them smiling at the same time for once--hell, you could even see Joel’s teeth--the two of them in love with each other and their world. There was a ball cap barely staying put on Ben’s curls, and sun flared on a pair of necklaces, gold and sapphires. Everything about it broke my heart.

“We don’t deserve them,” I told Eddy. “It was supposed to be better by now.”

“Felix, come on.” He showed me his own phone. “It is better.”

The text displayed was pure Tallis. She was the most joyful kid I’d ever met. She and Ben both--and Joel in his own way--and all of that, everything I knew about them, just made my eyes sting again. “You know Ben gets… and he didn’t tell me this, Canseco did. People send him death threats.”

Phil looked up from where Mari was nestled against her with a juice box. “Jesus Christ. Eddy, you never told me that.”

He shook his head. Phil had braided his hair for this weekend and it looked fantastic, tight rows against his scalp, his profile all jaw and nose. “Felix, you got to focus on what’s in front of you.” He waved his phone at me. “Let them live. They’re living, so let them. You think maybe Joel left out a detail when he told you that?”

There had been plenty of details when Joel had told me that, but I knew what Eddy meant. There was no way Ben got those kinds of emails and Joel didn’t. I’d gotten them--still did; they’d slowed down for a minute and then ticked up again when Adair and I sealed the deal. Almost always men, telling me how they’d fix me, they knew where I lived, every filthy word under the sun. Sometimes women, the hellfire types. Stuff about Adair--about my wife--that chilled my blood.

It was worse for the boys, I knew it, and for Tallis. No one had ever slapped a goddamn swastika on any of my nastygrams.

Phil touched my arm and nodded across the amphitheatre. “Adair’s about to come ask you why you’re sad.”

She was moving toward us, Phil was right, and I had about three minutes to get my shit together, because I wasn’t going to ruin tonight. None of this was news. We’d been dealing with it and we’d keep dealing with it, because the generation coming up deserved better.

Eddy leaned over, and somehow managed to get his arms around all of us. He kissed my cheek above the rainbow paint and tucked blond strands back under my hat. “You’re part of the reason they’re here at all, mija. Don’t downplay it.”

Who knew selfishness could get spun into heroics?

“I’m here,” he said, quiet, and his chest moved like he’d drawn a deep breath. “We’re all here. Todos juntos.”

We were here and we weren’t going anywhere, not out of our cities and certainly not out of our sport, and if I hadn’t managed to fix everything, maybe they would.