#i had this planned for months but didn't do anything about it until today/yesterday

[sainns]

IMPATIENT.

𝓢.ㅤ he had everything planned out but how's he supposed to wait when it comes to you?

PSHㅤ୨୧ ⠀ femreader⠀ . . .ㅤ fluff, established relationship, sunghoon pov, awkward ending oops idk how to end stuff, this is a repost cos i accidentally deleted it a while agoㅤ1147 words

sunghoon often gets overwhelmed by his feelings for you. sometimes the love he feels gets to be so intense that he doesn't know what to do, losing the ability to think rationally about anything that has to do with you.

he knew right away that he wanted to be the one to marry you but he held back for the four years and eight months that you dated, waiting until you talked about marriage first. you'd brought it up to him one morning, a simple conversation. one he replayed for weeks.

during those weeks he planned everything; his proposal. he bought a ring, bought tickets to paris (jake's idea—city of love and all that), booked a really nice hotel, and he had a whole itinerary for the day he planned on proposing. he's pretty sure he's going to be in debt for the rest of his life because of these expenses but it's worth it.

when he brought up the trip to you he simply played it off as something for your five year anniversary, it was close enough to the date so you didn't think much of it. five years was a long time so why wouldn't you do something special?

so on thursday morning, you rush to the airport because someone (sunghoon) didn't want to leave your embrace yet. thankfully, you made it on time, sunghoon holding tightly onto your hand to make sure he doesn't lose you in the crowd.

it takes fourteen hours to get from seoul to paris and another hour to drive to the hotel. the flight was.. okay. as good as a flight can be but god was it tiring, you don't think you and sunghoon have ever been as happy as you were to see a bed until tonight.

the next day you take it easy, spending most of it inside your hotel room, briefly stepping out to get dinner at some restaurant nearby. you're walking back, hands swinging back and forth slightly.

"what're we doing tomorrow?"

sunghoon hums, "it's a surprise,"

you knock your shoulder against his, "can i have a hint?"

"nope,"

you groan, throwing your head back while sunghoon smiles fondly at you. he loves you, he knows that. today, though, it feels like it's bigger than love. a lot bigger. you haven't even done anything significant today; it was practically just a regular day. okay, other than the fact that you were at a hotel in paris, but he ignores that part.

honestly, he isn't sure if there's a word deep enough to describe how he feels for you. it feels like he's drowning, sinking deeper and deeper every second that he spends with you and he's okay with that. more than okay; he's happy.

he wants to make you happy, too. he wants to spend the rest of his life seeing your smile and your laugh. he feels a slight wave of anxiety wash over him—what if he messes everything up? what if his proposal turns out to be awful?

he sighs, shaking those thoughts out of his head, instead focusing on you whine about how you need him to tell you what the surprise is. he just laughs at you, pulling out the key to the hotel room.

"i'll tell you tomorrow when we wake up, okay?"

"or now," you smile up at him, wrapping your arms around his shoulders. his hands instinctively go to your waist.

"i can't, baby,"

"i'm gonna stay up all night thinking about this,"

he leans down, placing a kiss on the crown of your head, "yeah, i'm sure you will,"

you don't stay up all night. in fact, you fall asleep almost right away, probably still exhausted from yesterday's flight. sunghoon wishes he could fall asleep as easily as you, but he can't. not when he's proposing to you tomorrow. the presence of the ring hidden inside his suitcase is too suffocating, it's like he can feel it in his hands already.

he pulls you closer to his chest, pressing his cheek against the top of your head. he really hopes that tomorrow will be your last day as simply boyfriend and girlfriend.

he falls asleep after you but he wakes up before you. he's glad that he did because it gives him the opportunity to stare at you. he likes when he wakes up before you; it gives him the chance to see you at your most peaceful, when all the stress from your life is missing.

he shifts, cupping your cheek with his hand, rubbing small circles against your skin. he stares at you for a few seconds longer before leaning forward to place a kiss on your forehead.

"g'morning,"

he smiles against your skin, "morning, baby. did i wake you up? i'm sorry,"

you groan, pulling away from him so that you can rub your eyes, "no, i was already awake,"

he hums and you sit up, stretching your arms out.

"i didn't forget about the surprise, by the way," you glance towards him, "tell me, pretty please,"

he's quiet when he speaks, licking his lips, "i love you,"

"i know you do. i love you too. is that your surprise?" you lay back down, the two of you facing each other.

"will you marry me?"

he doesn't think before asking you. it forces its way out of his mouth, not giving him any choice in the matter. at first he doesn't care, but soon you can practically see him go though all five stages of grief.

"wait, wait, wait," he presses his hand over you mouth when you begin to speak, "don't say anything. i—god, let me ask you for real. i want it to be special, not something i say randomly,"

you listen to him patiently, waiting for him to stop before pulling his hand away from your mouth, "that was special, silly,"

he gives you a dirty look, "uh, no. i don't think me proposing to you in a hotel bed is special,"

"i think so. it's like.. you really couldn't wait to ask me,"

"i couldn't wait,"

"and i can't wait to answer you,"

he stares at you, taking in your expression. you're smiling at him, a soft smile that he hasn't seen from you before. it's different than all your other smiles, he doesn't know why. this one feels like you can understand the feeling that he has for you; something way beyond love.

"will you marry me?"

you giggle, a grin breaking out onto your face, "can i answer this time?"

he nods.

"mhm, i'll marry you,"

"thank you,"

"you don't have to thank me,"

he smiles, "yeah, i do. thank you for letting me into your life all those years ago and thank you for letting me stay in it," he leans forward, pressing his lips against yours, "i love you more than love."

note. idk why i deleted this hello ... i think i hated it that's why LMAOOO

[genshindsau]

Summary: Scaramouche knew the rules and what happens when he breaks them and yet he continued to do so. The day went by without you punishing him and yet the following day from the moment he woke up until the moon shone, he was tormented and teased to the breaking point.

Content warning: dom!reader, sub!scaramouche, dom/sub universe, edging, vibrator is left inside of scaramouche, teasing, mentions of somno, aimed to be gender neutral reader, love sick reader, fem!reader, touching over clothes, anal, butt plug, teasing, use of commands, mentions of subspace, dub-con towards the end (scaramouche says no but there is a safeword in place), public play(?), mentions of nonsexual dom/sub, scaramouche passing out, male squirting/wetting, aftercare is implied but not described, mindbreak(?), begging, scara calls reader master

Scaramouche wanted to yell, wanted to scream, wanted to curse you out - also wanted to curse himself out. However, he refrained; knowing that everything that happened starting from the moment he woke up was his fault.

He was still hazy with sleep as you maneuvered him. Placed on his stomach, he yawned into the pillow which was quickly replaced with a moan. His hips arched up into the cool, wet fingers that were prodding around his rim.

"You didn't think I'd forget about your behavior yesterday?"

He smirked against the pillow. "Oh and here I thought you forgot." He was teasing and you knew not to take what he said to heart. You both agreed not to do anything last night due to general tiredness and a rough day. Yes, Scaramouche was expecting - and looking forward - to be punished last night but you took a step back, not feeling like you were in the right headspace to do anything like that. Thus you both pushed it back.

You tsked and two of your fingers pushed into him. He winced at the slight burn from the stretch but didn't try to move away. Your other hand rubbed the skin of his waist.

"hahh - y/n," the curl of your fingers left you brushing against the one spot that leaves him seeing stars. Perhaps it was the sleepiness that was still lingering but even the slightest graze of your fingers left him moaning out happily.

Instead of getting him off right there, you pulled back before inserting one more finger. You moved your fingers, opting to stretch him out.

"What're you doing," he slurred out, slightly annoyed that you were not letting him cum.

"Hm, you didn't think this was you're punishment did you?" You tsked, "No, sweet boy this is just your preparation."

"Preparation?"

You hummed happily. "Yup, for this." You eagerly picked up an object that left him blanching.

He squirmed in his spot next to you, trying not to gain the attention of your friends. He glared at you from the corner of his eye. The two of you both had the day off for the first time in almost two month and you took the opportunity to plan today to the tee. The first plan was meeting a few of your friends for breakfast.

The plug inside of him was bearable at first. Yes when he sat down he had to dig his nails into his palm due to the position pushing the plug inside of him even deeper but other than that he was able to manage and even have a conversation with ajax and aether.

"I thought most of them wouldn't have agre-eed," His voice raised in pitch as he felt a vibrating inside of him. It was on a low setting most likely but it was still a sudden change.

Ajax's eyebrows furrowed "you good?"

Scaramouche coughed, "yes, sorry. As I was saying…" He looked over at you who was in your own conversation with Lumine. He spotted the small smirk on your lips and forced his eyes away. He was not going to give you the satisfaction.

You were barely listening to Lumine. Instead, opting to gaze at scaramouche. You stuck your hand into your pocket and ran a finger over the screen of your phone. The sudden increase in vibration left Scaramouche breathless. Luckily he wasn't in the middle of talking so he could restrain the moan. You gaze flickered down to his lap which was now supporting a growing bulge.

"Oy, lover girl," Lumine snapped her fingers in front of your face.

"What's up?"

"Seriously, you get more love sick every day." She sounded annoyed, but the teasing tone was obvious.

"Why wouldn't I?" You wrapped your hand around Scaramouche waist, squeezing the skin before pulling him closer to you. "Just look at him." You nuzzled your cheek against him.

"What - what are you doing," Scaramouche flushed due to the attention. His hand came up to the side of your face trying to push you away. You took this chance to increase the vibrations even more. He stilled, his hips jerking slightly. "ahh - ahem," he cleared his throat.

You grabbed one of his legs and rested it over your own, pretending to just want to be closer to him. Your friends laughed at the scene, used to this behavior from you. However, this position forced his legs open a little more. Luckily you're friends were sitting across from you, rather than next to you. They couldn't see your hand creeping up the inside of his thigh.

Your other hand decreased the vibrations, not wanting him to get overstimulated so early in the day - not when you have so much planned. After getting him a few minutes to calm down, your hand moved from his thigh, closer to the bulge in his pants. He gasped out as your hand rested over it and gave him a squeeze, cutting the conversation off and drawing attention towards him.

"Sorry, sorry," you raised your hands up innocently. "Wasn't watching my hands."

Scaramouche looked ready to yell at you at the insinuation but laughter filled the table.

"Who knew little scaramouche was so sensitive." Ajax teased him, pinching is cheek from across the table not realizing how true his words were. Your group of friends have know each other for a long time, sex topics were bound to come up every now and then.

"I swear to god I will snap your fingers," Scaramouche gritted out, glaring daggers at Ajax.

"Don’t be so mean," you playfully chided him.

"Like he knows any other way to be." Lumine shrugged but there was a smile on her face.

"I know," Ajax perked up. "Why don’t you command him to be nice for a whole day. Or at least nice to me; after putting up with him so long I think I deserve it." 

You rolled your eyes at his comment. It wasn't a true suggestion, Ajax was just trying to get Scaramouche riled up. "Hah? I'll kill you." Scaramouche looked ready to jump across the table and strangle him.

Luckily the arguing was cut short as food was placed in front of the five of you. The others didn't blink an eye as you platted Scaramouches food and then your own. Once he swallowed a few bites, you took the chance to turn the vibrations on again. You put it on the smallest setting, not wanting him to get overwhelmed while he was eating. The only indication that he felt them was when he dug his nails into your thigh. The rest of breakfast went smoothly - asides from Scaramouche becoming increasingly quiet.

The two of you were the last to leave, you opted to remain behind and order a smoothie to go. When the two of you were alone, you moved your head to the crease of his neck. He huffed but didn't push you away. "How do you feel?" Looking up at him you had a cheeky smile on your face. He glared down at you, refusing to give you what you want.

"Feel fine, why wouldn't I?"

"Just checking." You didn't seem perturbed at all by his attitude.

Now that the two of you were alone and further in the corner of the restaurant, you openly pulled him further into you. You ran your hands up his thighs, making sure to dig your nails into his skin that was visible due to his shorts. The scratch marks left over were a welcome addition.

The soft kisses on his neck, left him squirming underneath the ticklish feeling. "Were alone now. Can you at least kiss me?" You opted out of giving him an actual command for the time being.

He angled his head to face you and put on a false smile. He leaned forward until his nose brushed against your own. Right before you leaned in to press your lips to his he pulled back, "Nope." He wore a genuine smile this time at the frown on your lips.

"You really want to do this?" You cooed out, putting forth false innocence. "I think you're forgetting just what position your in." You pulled your phone out of your pocket this time, letting him see the screen. He watched as your thumb ran over the screen and, in turn, as the vibrations increased in intensity. He flinched at the ministrations and bit down on his lip.

One of your hands reached around the pull at his lip, freeing it and running your finger over his lips. Refusing to be the only one affected, he brought his tongue out and discreetly licked at your thumb. You just smile and watched in amusement as he fell forward when your other hand grasped at his cock through his shorts. You couldn't really jerk him off but you rubbed your hand around. He rested his head on the table and you could see the deep breaths he took through the movement of his back.

"You may want to sit up. I see the server coming over."

The fear of being seen caused Scaramouche to lurch up. Part of him just thought you were faking but he did see the server coming over with your drinks. He dug his nails into his palm and situated himself, making sure that it appeared that nothing was amiss - that there was nothing currently buzzing inside of him.

After paying for the drinks, you stopped the vibrations and stood up. "C'mon, there's still more to do."

Scaramouche was sure you were torturing him. You knew what you were doing; dragging him around town, messing with the vibrations and 'innocently' feeling around his body. Now, in the dressing room, it was the first semblance of privacy he has gotten since the morning when you first inserted the vibrator.

"Try this on," you threw a set of clothes towards him. He ran his finger over the cloth and glared at you as he recognized the sheer silk.

"You're not leaving?" He watched as you sat down on a chair in a large dressing room.

"Nope." You made it a point to lean back and get comfortable.

He grumbled under his breath and turned away from you. He discarded his clothes until he was left only in his underwear. He tucked his finger in the waistband and hesitated for only a second before tugging them down, pretending not to pay you any attention.

You felt your own arousal stir in you as you gazed at the butt plug. If you looked close enough you could probably see it move due to his clenching. He really was cute, trying to act unfazed but his body was giving him away. "Ah - ah - ah," you chided him. "Turn around. I wanna see."

"You can see plenty, I'm already naked as is." He threw a look over his shoulder.

Your lips pursed. He failed to notice as one of your hands returned to your pocket.

His knees buckled as the vibrations started up once more and his hand fell to the mirror in front of him to hold himself up. He took a deep breath before standing up once more. He's felt on edge since lunch, the constant uncertainty of when you'll start the vibration. He knew you weren't going to let him cum and he refused to ask, his pride too large. 

"Having fun," he managed to get out behind clenched teeth.

"Quite. C'mon now I picked these clothes out personally."

He grabbed the clothes and stepped into them. He pulled it up his body and couldn't deny that he didn't like the feeling of the silk on his skin. However, one thing he failed to noticed until he put the clothes on was that it was crotchless.

He heard your footsteps but did not turn around. "Bend over."

"Why?"

"Jus' wanna get a better look." You shrugged and he wanted to strangle you. You seemed so cool and calm compared to him, whose body felt like it was burning with desire.

The look on his face must have been obvious but you beat him to the punch. "Bend over."

His body seized up as the command registered in his mind. His body acted without hesitation, bending over, his hands bracing themselves on the mirror. "Good boy," you praised him as your ran a hand down his arched spine. Your hands trailed down until it reached the plug inside of him.

As the vibrations dulled down, you lightly tugged the plug out until the thickest part of the plug was stretching at his rim.

"ngh," he brough one hand to his mouth and bit down on it, trying to suppress his sounds. You twisted it, watching with almost fascination as his skin twitched around it. You then look at the mirror and made eye contact with him. He tried to glare at you but with his red face and bitten lips it was hard to take him seriously.

You then looked further down and caught a glimpse at his cock which was leaking against the cloth on his stomach. There was enough wetness to know that he has been dirtying the cloth since he put it on. Instead of reaching around him, you pushed the plug back inside of him. He let out a sigh.

"Looked close enough yet perv." You just smiled at him before the vibrations increased to its highest level. You pushed the plug in as far as it would go and pushed his waist down to where the angle allowed the vibration to stimulate his prostate.

"Y/n, wa-wait, haah" His hips jerked back, his knees wobbled and he was about to fall if it wasn't for you wrapping an arm around his waist. "'m gonna.." he trailed off because right as he was about to warn you about his impending orgasm, you cut the vibrations off. He lurched in your gasp, crying out as the orgasm was cruelly snatched away. With red-rimmed eyes, "Wha-why?"

"You really didn't think I'd allow you to cum right, its barely been half of the day."

His façade broke at the thought of this going on for the rest of the day. He couldn't think anymore, everything felt all fuzzy.

You noticed the change in his eyes and cupped the side of his face and turned it towards you. "Take these clothes off. Since you've dirtied them, I'll buy them then after that we'll go home, alright love." You recognized the headspace he slipped in and while you weren't ending his punishments it would be best to continue it at home where the two of you were alone.

Luckily it didn't take long to get home. The only hard part was getting him to the car, having too support a good portion of his weight, and then getting him inside of the house but as soon as he was in your house, he collapsed on the couch.

"whew," you wiped fake sweat off of your forehead before looking at Scaramouche. He was flushed and breathing deeply. You noted how he shrugged out of his jacket and was left in only a thin white shirt and his shorts which were bulging against the front.

"I - I don’t know why your acting like you've done any hard work." His voice shook as he talked. He was slipping in and out of a vulnerable headspace but now that the two of you were in private he felt more comfortable.

"Ill have you know that carrying a person up three flights of stairs is hard work."

He rolled his eyes. You just smiled and ran a hand down the side of his face before pushing his hair back.

"You really are pretty, y'know that." It was an absentminded comment but it had a surprising affect on Scaramouche.

It is not like you've never complimented him before but perhaps it is because of his nerves working on overdrive that that comment not only caused him to blush but it also left a noticeable damp spot building on his pants.

"oh," you dropped your gaze to his pants and ran one finger over him. He gasped out and his hips jerked into the touch. "What's this. One compliment and all the bravo from earlier disappears."

"Shut up," there was no real bite in his tone. He shoved your hand away and crawled onto your lap. "Just stop with this, its been hours."

"has it -"

"- don’t play dumb." He cut you off and realized almost right away the mistake he made. Now that the two of you were home, you had free reign to do whatever you want.

Your hands moved to cup his bottom, pulling him forwards so that he grinded against you.

"nghh," his hand fell the sofa next to your head. You had played with the vibrations in the car - bring him right to the edge of an orgasm before turning it off. You managed to do that about five times before you two got home so the overstimulation was sinking in.

As he leaned back, it pushed the plug a little deeper into him. "fuck, y/n." He grinded his hips forward, brushing his bulge against your own stomach. He repeated this motion, desperately chasing the orgasm he has been deprived of all day.

"Stop." He didn't even register the command but his body completely stopped moving. A wet sound slipped past his lips as he shuddered in your grasp.

"That's enough," you reached for the remote on the table in front of you while keeping him in your lap. "How about a movie."

A small groan left him and to get out some of his frustration he dug his nails into the skin of your arms. He was waiting for you to wince or curse but you barely acknowledged him - you even went as far to pet his head, as if consoling a misbehaving puppy.

"fine, fine, whatever." He moved off of you, expecting you to pull him back into you but you let him move to the other side of the couch. He tucked his legs under his chin and made sure not to have any contact with you. However, he realized quite fast what a mistake that was. His body was alight with arousal and yet even as he subtly shifted, it didn't feel as good as when you touched him. Glancing over at you he let out a small curse, hear he was practically panting with arousal while you seemed perfectly content, barely even looking at him instead focusing on the film.

The film passed by and without realizing he had his feet in your lap. You ran a finger over the arch of his bare feet and watched as he struggled to ignore you.

With the credits rolling, you opted to grab his thigh and pull him towards you. You met him half way until you were leaning over him. Even with the defiance he was struggling to show, his eyes were glazed over and out of focus. You angled your thigh so that it was pressed right up against his crotch.

With the new pressure, he grinded his hips against your thigh. The stimulation overwhelmed him and he wrapped his arms around your shoulders, pulling you down into him trying to get some semblance of comfort. He kept pushing against you and as you pressed kisses to his neck, his head dropped back. The scrap of your teeth followed by the soothing feeling of your tongue left goosebumps forming.

You trailed the kisses down his neck, to his collarbone and down his shirt. He could feel the heat of your breath through his shirt and he couldn't stop the moans that left his lips especially when you sucked at his nipple through the shirt. "Don't cum." You murmured against him and as the command resonated through his body he stopped moving his hips.

"Thatss not fair." Tears welled up in his eyes but you ignored him and continued to move down his body. As your fingers moved under the band of his shorts, he lifted his hips out of instinct but was surprised when you actually pulled his shorts off - leaving his underwear one.

"Y/n," he wailed out, his upper body arching off of the bed. You licked at his cock over the cloth and nuzzled against him. The wetness that seeped through wasn't just from your tongue and saliva but his pre-cum. He was leaking so much that he should be embarrassed but all he wanted was for you to continue with your movements and finally allow him to cum.

When you pulled away, he couldn't help the wail that left him. "nonono I'm - sob - please no more. I'm…" he trailed off and yet as you allowed your hand to pass over his crotch he couldn't help the apologies that left his lips. "I'm sorry - alright - I'm sorry." Tears fell freely down his face, wetting his cheeks and making him look all the more enticing.

"I'm sure you are," you cooed leaning up to press kisses to his cheeks. "Just wait a little longer."  

His eyes widens and his mouth dropped open and you couldn't help but to press a kiss to his pouting lips. He shook his head and clung onto you. "I apologized okay," he couldn't hide how desperate he was. "I cant - I cant do this anymore." You gazed at him, waiting for him to say his safeword and yet he never did.

He dropped his gaze and took a shuddering breath. He squeezed his eyes shut and scrubbed his eyes with a fist trying to ease the burning of tears behind his eyelids. He felt you grasp his closed fist and bring it down from his face. His eyelids fluttered at the soft feeling of lips kissing them. His hand moved to clutch at the cloth of your pants, shakily clinging to it.

"j-just a little w-while longer," he repeated your words carefully back to you. It was a desperate plea that you would keep your words and that this torture would not last much longer.

"Yeah, sweet boy," you continued to press a flurry of kisses to his eyelids, his cheeks, his forehead until pressing one final kiss to his lips. "Just a little longer. You can do that for me right?"

He nodded and sniffled. "Alright once you calm down we'll get something into your stomach." You shifted so that he could press his face into your shoulder. His legs went to rest across your lap, allowing him to all but burying himself into your side. The hand rubbing across his back left the residue tension seeping out of him. He barely reacted as your hand switched the vibrator on once more but it was on the lowest setting so even in his overly sensitive state it wasn't overwhelming - at least not yet.

His eyes fluttered close and his breath evened out the longer he sat with you on the couch. He knew he wouldn't be able to fall asleep but the warmth of your body and the comfort of being back in your home left him feeling safe and, in turn, even with the subtle vibrations he sunk into a dazed headspace. He barely moved when you got up, opting to curl into the back of the couch behind him. He brough his knees up to wrap his arms around them which caused the vibrator to shift around inside of him.

Soft pants left his mouth, his tongue hanging out. His hips shifted, trying to grind against something but all he was doing was humping the air.

It was a sight that took your breath away and you couldn't help but to gaze at him from the doorway from the kitchen. He didn't even realize what he was doing. You debated about taking a picture but decided to forgo that thought.

"C'mere love," You held the water bottle to his lips with one hand while the other supported his head. "Need you to drink a little."

As you tipped the bottle, he managed to swallow some but the remained freely flowed down the side of his jaw. You wiped it away and whispered soft praises to him - even as he choked a little due to the buzzing inside of him.

His hands went to cling to your shirt before you could shift away to put the water down. "Don.." his tongue felt heavy in his mouth. Trembling, he tried to climb onto your lap and luckily, you allowed him and even went as far as to help him. His head fell to the crease of your shoulder and neck. He was still rutting his hips but rather than actually trying to get pleasure, it seemed to be more of an unconscious act.

"Scaramouche, look at me." Your hands moved to cup the side of his cheeks as you lifted his head so that you could see him. "Oh - oh you really are gone aren't you?" You cooed at him as you took him in. His mouth was dropped open with saliva pooling and about the fall down the sides of his chin. His eyes were red-rimmed and glassy as he tried to focus on you.

"please," he whimpered out words. Your thumb moved to rest on the top of his tongue, petting it. His tongue shifted underneath the weight of your tongue and he tried to lick at them. A gag tore through him as you pushed your fingers towards the back of his mouth. He convulsed in your grip as you put more pressure on the back of his tongue. He reflexively cough but you still didn't remove your fingers even as his hands clung onto your wrists.

"Breathe through it," You pushed a little of command into your words so that he would relax and listen to you. He took a deep breath though his nose which allowed him to stop gagging but he was still convulsing a little bit. "Good boy, listening so well." He whined through your fingers as he finally got some semblance of praise from you.

The top of his underwear were almost soaked through due to how long he has been leaking. The buzzing inside of him has dulled enough that he could barely feel it.

Looking at his desperate state you decided that he had had enough. You withdrew your fingers from his mouth and ignored as he cried out and tried to follow him.

"I need you to shift up a little." You grasped his hips and lifted him up a little. He was pliant in your hold. You managed to get enough room to shift his underwear down. He cock bobbed against his stomach and he shuddered as the air hit his wet cock. You allowed him to sit back down on your thighs and push him into your so that your fronts were pressed together.

One of your hands wrapped around to grasp at his bottom before tapping against the vibrator. You pushed it further into him and he lurched against you, his hand coming to wrap around your shoulders and cling onto you. Your other hand slowly turned the vibrator off.

He wailed out as continue to probe the vibrator inside of him, moving it around as if searching for something. When you finally found it - "ah-ha, found it." As you pressed against the spongy spot inside of him he went through a full body convulsion. "please," he was loud enough to be yelling. "pleasepleaseplease, master, let me cum." Even with the abuse against his prostate he was trying so hard not to cum - wanting to behave and be good for you.

You hummed as if thinking deeply about it but before he could start begging again, the vibrations hit him full force. With the vibrator pressed right against his sensitive spot and the second you turned it on - he all but screamed as he release onto your shirt.

"master," his tongue fell out of his mouth. The orgasm the crashed through him was stronger than anything he had felt, his whole body felt like it was bursting with heat. Even after the first orgasm you didn't decrease the vibrations. Instead you left the vibrator inside of him and moved your hands to his waist. "master." It seemed to be the only thing his pleasure-filled mind could say. You forced him to grind against you, his weeping cock brushing against your clothing.

The overstimulation hit him immediately. The first orgasm felt like it was enough to knock him out and now with his softening cock being forced to grind against you and the buzzing still pressing against his insides, he was shaking so badly against you. Without thinking, he tried to pull away from you but you just wrapped your arms around him, stilling his movements. "I cant - I cant - I cant - no - not again - please," he was barley making any sense as he cried out a bunch of different words.

The second orgasm as it was building scaramouche knew it was going to be intense. "Master. Feels…feels funny," he slurred out his words. As the orgasm crashed through him, he wetted your shirt and a some of your neck. He was too out of it to realize that it wasn't just cum that he dirtied you with and not a few seconds after the orgasm the world fell black around him.

Feeling him slouch against you, you turned the vibrations off. Even in his sleep he was twitching and shaking against you. As carefully as you could, you grabbed the end of the vibrator and took it out of him. Luckily it slid right out with a few wet sounds and you were happy the scaramouche was out so that he couldn't hear it and become embarrassed like he usually would. You tossed it to the side of you and grabbed a blanket to wrap around scaramouche's shoulders. He nuzzled against you even closer and you decided that for right now you would ignore the wetness coating your front.

[lilhealthybean]

Daisy

"Aren't they as gorgeous as you?"

tags: jjk, yuji itadori

notes: angst, ik im terrible since jjk universe has already lot of angst. what can i say? im a hoe for this shit.

The pink-haired boy walked through the corridors until he reached the room where his friends and teacher were relaxing.

"Yuji! You finally decided to show up! We thought were not going to see you today since yesterday you returned late" exclaimed Gojo as he stood up from the couch to approach the teenager "Are you okay?"

Yuji's last mission didn't end up well. Despite successfully exorcising the curse, there were some sacrifices made. As a result, Yuji stayed in his bedroom for three days until he felt recovered.

"Yes, I'm okay Gojo-sensei" he smiled as usually, trying to conceal the fact he was not feeling okay.

That last mission really took a toll on him.

"You still have the rest of the month off, so take it easy" Satoru added, tousling his student's hair.

Yuji nodded, focusing his gaze on the floor

"I was planning on visiting y/n" he confessed.

It wasn't a request for permission, Yuji was going to do it.

"Tell y/n I said hi" Megumi said with a soft smile to his friend "If you need anything, just call"

With that, Yuji continued his walk, leaving the Tokyo sorcery school behind. He felt a knot in his stomach; Yuji had been visiting you since he recovered, feeling guilty of your condition.

He followed the routine he had been following for the past two weeks. He passed by the convenience store were you used to buy snacks together. He walked by the arcade where he spent all his money just to get you the plushie you wanted. He walked by the bench you two had your first kiss. He stopped by the florist to buy you yours favorite flowers, daisies. He continued his walk towards the bridge where he confessed his feelings to you, and you accepted him. His heartbeat always increased when he recalled the last memory.

"I can't wait to see you" he said in a low voice as he held the daisies in his hand.

He began walking towards where you were, reminiscing about all the wonderfull memories he had shared with you. It still felt unreal for him that you had accepted his feelings. Yuji considered you the most genuine person and the one he loved being with the most.

The moon was already arising on the sky, urging Yuji to hurry as he really wanted to see you. Five minutes after, he was there, by your side. Carefuly he placed the daisies he had bought for you in a plastic vase.

"Hi honey, hope I didn't kept you waiting too long. I said I would be here at 5 pm, but I got distracted. Anyway, I brought you daisies, your favorites. Aren't they as gorgeous as you?" Yuji admited with a big smile as he showed the vase held in his hands "Oh! By the way, Megumi sends you greetings"

However, he knew that smile wasn't genuine. After the mission, no smile he made was genuine. His vision started to blur due to the tears that were threatening to fall, but he held them back. Yuji didn't want you to see him like that since he swear it to you.

He sat on the ground, trying to compose himself. Attempting to stay calm by taking deep breaths to ease his mind, but it didn't work. Before he even realized it, he was sobbing uncontrollably. Yuji left the vase with the flowers on the floor to wipe his tears. Ten minutes passed until Yuji had no tears more left to cry, grateful that there was no one else to see him in that vulnerable state except for you.

"Sorry... I promised you I wouldn't cry..." the pink-haired boy whispered as he got up "Tomorrow I will come again, don't worry. Wait for me, okay?"

Yuji left the flowers by your side and stared at them.

"I really hope you are in the daisy fields you have always craved for"

And just like the past two weeks, he departed from your grave, filled with sorrow and feeling heartbroken.

[random-fandom1984]

hi, can you do, Yandere tfa Longarm/shockwave x cybertronian reader

Oh, yes! I have a story in the making on Wattpad, and in a way, I guess it would be a Yandere story? But that doesn't matter at the moment. This is exciting! :D

Warning: Potions, Yandere Behavior, etc.

~All It Takes Is A Potion to Show How Much I'm Obsessed with You~

Translations: Stellar Cycle = 1 year Deca-Cycle = 10 days Solar Cycle = 1 day Orbital Cycle = 1 month Nano-Click = 1 second

Sparkmerge = Wedding/marriage Energon Sweets = candy High Grade = Wine/alcohol/beer/vodka/etc. Conjunx Endura = Spouse Optics = Eyes Datapad = Book/tablet/etc. Subspace = Storage unit Dente = Teeth Throat Pipes = Throat

Today is our second Sparkmerge anniversary of the Stellar Cycle. I've had a good history with making Energon sweets, so I plan on making one that's his favorite, that sadly went out of business a few Deca-Cycles ago, and some high grade. I remember that we first met in Autobot Boot Camp and got along swimmingly. It was sad that my old friend turned out to be a Decepticon Spy, but I digress and moved on. Sure, it was hard to do, but at least I made a new friend who became my Conjunx Endura, Longarm.

We both graduated with flying colors and became Primes. He became head of Cybertron Intelligence – the one before him, Highbrow, was discovered dead, and no bot knew how – and I became his S.I.C. – the previous one ending up missing for some reason–, so they put us at the top since we were great at our jobs. We became an item way before we got promoted.

Of course, there had been an issue that popped up. Five Orbital Cycles ago, Longarm had gotten a call from a couple of bots that we went to boot camp with: Bumblebee; the one who Longarm helped to call out Wasp as the spy, and my cousin Bulkhead. The both of them are a part of Optimus' team on Earth, fighting Megatron. Apparently, the both of them intercepted a call with Megatron and a spy. Something about a construction project.

I can feel excitement pulsing through the other side of the bond, to which I sent back to with suppressed giggle; He's been like this all Solar Cycle, even yesterday ever since he came back from Iacon's Hall of Records, and I find it cute. He's so sweet, smart, and adorkable! I wonder how things are holding up on his end.

Yesterday

It's true, you two have been bonded for the past 2 Stellar Cycles and started dating in the middle of your time at boot camp. But there was one thing you didn't know; let me start from the beginning.

When entering the Autobot Boot Camp with a fake frame, he wasn't expecting anything to distract him from his mission for Lord Megatron as a spy. But... that all changed the moment his optics landed on you. To him it was love at first sight. And he saw how close you were with Wasp and Bulkhead, he felt something inside of him. What was this? Jealousy? No! There's no way! He's a Decepticon and you're an Autobot.

When he was approached by Bumblebee, who told him that he found out there was a Decepticon spy and suspects it might be Wasp, he took that as a way to drive attention away from him and onto him and C/n will be hi- Stop it! After Wasp was taken away to prison, he found you slacking off and then later came across you crying in your room. For some reason, he comforted you even though he shouldn't; you would've been kicked out for slacking, which would have gotten rid of another Autobot in his way, but he didn't. You also had another bot help comfort you, which was Bulkhead, who he later found out was your cousin; nothing to worry about with him getting in his way.

Later on, he grew to accept these feelings. You needed him; you don't need those unknown admirers that went missing a few days after interacting with you. Just him. This turned for the better in his favor when caught you leaving secret admirer love letters in his dorm; he didn't bring it up until he confessed his feelings. The image of your flustered face plate when you realized you'd been caught from the start will forever remain in his processor.

After graduating, he had to wait a while to kill Highbrow and instantly killed his assistant for abusing his role by being a creep; he deserved it. And it turned out good because not only did he become the new Head of Intel, but you became his assistant.

For the past Deca-Cycles, he's been conflicted. The Prime Council found out that there's a Decepticon spy in their ranks, which only led to another problem. If they found out he's the spy, you would most likely react negatively; you knew him better than anyone else in their ranks and will use it against him. So, he has two options:

Do nothing, and if he does get found out, have you sparkbroken and hate him, assuming he faked his affections towards you.

Find a way to turn you into a Decepticon.

He wanted to do the second option, but so far, all resources he's found in the history section in the Hall of Records ends up with the victim in pain in the process. The only thing calming his nerves and keeping him from lashing out in frustration that he was getting nowhere was a gift you made him when you both were in the dating phase of your relationship; A charm that hangs from a string, which is connected to a small magnet that is currently magnetized to his wrist.

He was fiddling with the charm until he felt it slip from his grasp. He looked down to see something slip into the shadows and move away in a blob of shadows. Obviously, he chased after it, nothing takes something of his that was made by his darling and gets away. As he chased it, he didn't notice the scenery change until he was deep enough in another section of the Hall or Records, which seems to be abandoned.

He continued to chase until he came across a bot. The shadow he was chasing phased out of the shadow in the form of a snake, with only a single eye, dropping the charm in the figure's servo. The figure turned their head, and to his surprise, was literally made of shadows, the only thing that stood out from the dark mass with glowing purple outlines was that had one normal optic and the other looked like the snake's, the Snake-Eyed Bot he'll call them.

Before he could demand for the charm back, the Snake-Eyed Bot tosses it back to him without a single word and beckoned him over. Suspicious, he approached with caution. Upon arrival, the figure gives him a datapad.

"H̵̯̞̥̙͕͔̗̺̠̼͖̩̟͚̄̅͂͗̐͂̈́͜e̶͇̣͉̫̻̹̝̻̩̰̲͇̘̱͒͐̊͌̽͠ṙ̸̢̉̓͐̃͠e̵̞̺̟̗̤̎̈́̀̑͊͝'̴̢̘̣͉̬̙̘̞́̇̃̌͑̈́̈͘̚ş̸̢̧̹̬̟͎̘̓͛̓̎͗̀̓̆̏͋́̆̃́̀ ̶̧̥́̅̈́̏̈́͆̆͒͗͒̉͂͗͒t̶̡̨̨̧̤̬̱̘͎̹̞̪̻̀̕ͅh̸̢̏̑͆͆̊̅̋͊̇ę̸̜̭̬͍̜͎̣̬͔̘̮͙͋̐̿́̈́͠͠ͅ ̷̩̫̿̃̿̐͛͝à̷̢̢̢͍͎͚̓͂̆͗̔̆̈̕̕̕n̴̢̲̹̬̩̼̙̯̬̜̼̩͈̎͂̾̃̈͜ş̷̬͍̻̰̩͓̗̱̥̗̝̩̏̏̽̃̅͒́́͜͝w̸̧̡̨̟̺̣̖͉̣͎̦͈̗̳̏͂͊̑̋̈́̿̿́͗̃̑̕e̴̬̺̙̞̗͎̞͍̞̠̒͜͜͝r̷̡͙͇͕̫͉̞̮̞̦̦͚͒͗́͐̽̉̕͝͝ ̸̢͇̲̬͕̺̙͉̈́́͐̇͂͌͂̊̑̽͝ț̴̡̺̾͋̅͐͑͊̌̈̓̌͗̕̚̕o̶̭̞͙̳͇̰̘͛ͅ ̶̨̧͎͇̫̹̰̮̘̬̯̗̟́y̴̢͖̩̳̱̞̎́͜͜o̶̡̫͔̹̯͍̹̱͖͔͎͚͚̼̎̾́̓̀̐̈́̈̄͂̀̈́̓̃̚u̷̺͕̭̫̬͛̎r̸̲͓̺̖͔̠̤̪̺̮̦̗͇̾̐̐̈́̌̈́ͅ ̴͉̺̯̯̻̓̀̃̈́̿̓š̸̱̫͈̥̺͔͚̣̺͍̒̑̍̇̊̉͆̀̔͘̚͠ͅe̸̡̧̨̖̣̰͍̺̻̱̅̌̈́͊̅̑͠a̶̤͈̭͈͆̓͝r̶̨̜̜̱̫̣̭̼͎̤̊́̓̃̾̈́č̶̡̻͎̠͉͎̩͉͓̜̰̭̱̓͐͜h̶̛͙̻̭̮̮̖̼̦̞̩͚͚̹̀̆͝ͅ."

Confused, he looked at it's contents; the Title caught his attention. Forever Potions? Before he could ask anything else, the figure tossed him a sack. Looking inside and at an ingredients page, there was three of everything on the list. He looked back up, only to find that he was standing behind the table he was sitting at, almost like he experienced a hallucination in a mere second, but the data pad and bag proved otherwise.

He placed the bag in his subspace before sitting back down and looking through the datapad. The results is what he needed: Something painless. Knowing better, he knew to read the part about the inner workings before heading off and doing something without knowing if this was truly safe or not. Luckily, it was.

He returned home, happy with his search.

It was the next day, and it was their second anniversary, and he came up with the perfect plan. For his surprise, he prepared a romantic dinner for just the two of you. He luckily had the day off, and as he was preparing the dinner, he was filled with joy and excitement, which only grew when every single time you returned the feeling over the bond.

He made Energon cubes for the both of you, crafted the potion carefully as possible, and poured it into yours. Luckily, it didn't affect the color of it so then you wouldn't be suspicious of it. He had extra time before it would be the exact time you would arrive home, so he decorated the room for the occasion.

When you arrived, he was both surprised and happy that you had his favorite Energon sweets; he'd thought they sold out. To his surprise, it wasn't that, you made it yourself?! He couldn't have asked for a better sparkmate.

He sat you down at the table, and you were flabbergasted at how gorgeous the room was, and he made Energon cubes? Frag yes! When you ate your cube, for some reason it tasted sweet/salty/sour/whatever-flavor-you-like than the last time you had one, but you weren't complaining because it tasted better than ever before.

A few cups of high grade later, you started to feel lightheaded. He saw this and led you to the berthroom where you both cuddled as you both went into recharge.

Everything is going according to plan.

(The Next Day)

No one seemed to notice any changes at work. Everything is going on like everything is normal.

"C/n Prime, here's some reports about the information of Decepticon spy my team could possibly find." Firerunner said, giving you a datapad containing all the information. "Thank you, Firerunner. You are dismissed." You said, taking the datapad, not taking your eyes from your screen and your fast typing.

Just as he was about to turn around, he noticed something. "Um, C/n Prime?" He called out. "Yes?" You quired. "Are you okay? Your optics are looking a little..." He trailed off. You turned your helm, your green optics staring back into his, almost boring into his soul. "Oh, I'm fine! Thanks for asking. An old friend of mine, who's a medic, looked into it and some bot decided to do something funny to by Energon rations for this to happen to me. I don't know how long it'll last, but I can assure you, I'll be fine." You informed with a smile, which just made your green optics seem a bit creepier. "Okay then, have a good day, ma'am." He said with a bow before walking off.

When he was out of sight, you picked up the datapad and looked through it, and sure enough, it had information regarding any information they could find about the Decepticon spy and where they might be hiding. With your smile never faltering, you deleted everything off of it before breaking in half, your smile now showing your dente. A giggle escaped your throat pipes as you dumped it in the garbage chute behind your desk. Out of sight, out of mind.

That's when you suddenly received a call from your comm-link. "Hello?" You asked in a sweet tone. "Dear, can you please come to my office? There's someone I'd like you to meet." He requested. "Of course, be there in a nano-click." You said before ending the call.

You stood up from your seat and started to traverse through the halls of building to your sparkmates office. You were in front of his door, looked around to see if anyone was around. You saw no one. Not a bot in sight. You opened the door, closing it behind you so no camera can have a peek on what's inside.

At his desk was your love, his true self of course. He was now taller than you by a landslide, had two antlers on the sides of his helm that extend upwards, three digits that are claw-shaped, a single, red optic being the only thing in the center of his face plate, and, of course, a Decepticon sigil proudly shown on his chassis.

"Lord Megatron, this is our new recruit, and my love: C/n." He said as you walked over and were in frame of the camera. On the other end of the screen was Lord Megatron himself. "And how are you sure she isn't tricking you?" Megatron asked. "Nothing that you should worry about, my liege. I made sure. But let's just say, it was an enchanting discovery."

Part 2?

[asordinaryppl]

A3! Backstage Story Translation - Chikage Utsuki SSR - Today's Star: Toujou - Part 1

this is a request by taruchikas, who also provided a video of the story! tysm!

[Violin performance ends]

[Clapping]

August: You can even play this now? You really can do anything, that's amazing.

April: … They taught us the basics long ago.

August: That's true. I pretty much sucked at it, though.

April: And that's why you were excluded from this mission.

August: Is December and my mission to infiltrate the dormitory just a distraction, then?

August: December will be happy to take it easy.

April: Anyway, there are only a few weeks left till the mission. I need to be able to play a little better than this until then…

August: You're supposed to be an orchestral apprentice, aren't you?

April: Well, to put it in plain terms, yes.

April: I may not be going as a musician, but I am a student at a music school. If I can't play well enough, people will be suspicious of me should something unexpected happen.

August: You're as earnest as ever. I can really see why you were picked for this mission.

April: … I'm going out.

August: At this hour? December will be back soon, I was thinking we'd have dinner…

April: No need. I'll just grab something on the way if I get hungry.

August: … See you later.

-

Sakuya: I'd like to discuss next month’s schedule next…

Chikage: Rehearsals for the supporting character spin-offs will probably have started by then.

Sakuya: That reminds me, the poll results were announced yesterday, weren't they?

Citron: So curious to find out how they ended!

[Door opening]

Manager: Utsuki-kuuun! I've finished the tuning~!

Itaru: A violin… Guess that means it's Toujou from the Quartet play.

Sakuya: Toujou was pretty cool!

Citron: Oh, I cannot wait!

Itaru: What will the story be like?

Chikage: I was thinking of leaving it up to Tsuzuru if possible.

Tsuzuru: Me…?

Chikage: It's not that I’ve already thrown in the towel, or that I don't care. I simply want to act out the story Tsuzuru writes.

Tsuzuru: Thank you very much. But I still wonder what would be good…

Tsuzuru: That reminds me, there was a story you and Itaru-san talked about back during the performance.

Izumi: If I'm not mistaken… It was about Toujou and Machida's time as students?

Chikage: Ah… We did talk about that, but it was just for the sake of role building.

Masumi: But you had asked Tsuzuru to come up with first names for them. And even asked him about their age and background.

Izumi: Eh, is that true?

Itaru: Well…

Chikage: We may not have had that many scenes, but because of that we had to think about fleshing out our roles ourselves.

Tsuzuru: I also found it interesting, so expanding on that and making a story out of it might seem like a good idea.

Itaru: Can people nearing their 30s even bring out the sparkle of youth…

Chikage: It'll be quite a challenge.

Tsuzuru: Ah, there's something I'd like your opinion on… Can I include a scene where Toujou plays the violin?

Tsuzuru: I actually wanted to add a scene like that back then too, after I found out that you can play the violin.

Tsuzuru: You declined back then, so that didn't happen…

Tsuzuru: Toujou is the main character this time, so I'd like to include it if possible.

Manager: Eh, you weren't planning on playing!? I got so excited when I heard that Toujou had won that I even tuned the violin…

Citron: I'd also like to see Chikage playing the violin!

Masumi: I don’t think it’s something you should limit yourself on.

Chikage: Well, as long as we do it with finger-synching. (1)

Sakuya: Chikage-san, you’d look picture-perfect even if you just stood holding a violin!

Itaru: Ah, I have no instrument playing experience whatsoever, so I’d appreciate it if I had as few performing scenes as possible, TY.

Tsuzuru: Ehh…

Izumi: Well, we can probably do something about that during the production.

Chikage: You little…

Itaru: Teehee. (2)

Chikage: You're too old for this.

Masumi: And you're gross.

Itaru: Tough crowd.

part 1 | part 2 | part 3

NOTES:

(1) pretending to play the instrument while the music plays in the background, apparently more commonly known as fingering

(2) this is てへぺろ (tehepero). he's like, winking and sticking his tongue out

[shinigami-mistress]

Anniversary Cake

Grell had many talents.

She was a master with her scythe and artist with her craft. There had never been a more beautiful, more dangerous death. She was also quite the actress who could easily command attention and move an audience to whatever emotion she desired. And no one could deny her dazzling fashion sense and the ability to put together a show stopping ensemble. Yes, she had many talents.

Unfortunately, cooking was not among them.

It wasn't that she had never tried. She had put forth her fair share of attempts in the past, but even the simplest of recipes had gone horribly wrong. She had once even set a pot on fire trying to boil water. Honestly, she still wasn't sure how she had done that, but Ronald had teased her for months afterwards. At some point, she had simply accepted she was never going to be a good cook.

That didn't seem to matter to William. During the time they had been officially dating, cooking or baking had never been an issue. He was a man of simple tastes, and greasy pub food was more than acceptable. He had never asked Grell to make anything.

Until yesterday.

Today was the anniversary of their first date. Grell loved anniversaries and was eager to celebrate what she considered to be an official anniversary. William wasn't as excited, but he didn’t do anything to discourage Grell. She began to bug him about what he wanted for their anniversary, but he kept saying that he didn't require a present. Grell kept pestering him; saying he could ask for anything - even Sebastian's heart on a plate, and she would get it for him. Finally, William had mumbled that he would like a cake.

Sebastian's heart would have been easier.

Grell hadn't said anything, but despite her fears, she was determined to bake a delicious cake. She looked up recipes, gathered ingredients, and did everything she could to prepare. This happened to be her day off, so she had snuck into William's house as soon as he had left for work to use his kitchen. This wasn't really a big issue as he had given her a key, and they had planned to meet at his house later.

Soon, she set about trying to create the perfect cake, but nothing went right. Egg yolks landed on the counter while shells fell into the batter. She couldn't seem to get the batter stirred correctly, and the flour was everywhere. To make matters worse, she had burned her first two attempts. She was thankful she had brought extra ingredients.

On her third and final attempt, things seemed to go a bit better. Maybe she was finally getting the hang of this after all. Two cake tins came out the oven with two proper looking cakes. Grell was smiling to herself as she put the first cake into a plate and began frosting it. Pink frosting as this was to be a strawberry cake.

But something was wrong as the cake itself seemed to be crumbling into the frosting. It wasn't spreading smooth at all, and the frosting seemed to prefer slipping off the cake altogether.

Grell pressed on and put the second cake on top. The frosting seemed to stick a little better, but the cake itself kept sliding off the first tier no matter how many times she slid it back. She was still struggling with it when she heard the door open. Thinking quickly, she threw a couple of strawberries on top and held the cake plate in her hand as a way to present it all. Even though the top tier was sliding off the poorly frosted bottom, she smiled as William walked into his kitchen.

He just stopped for several minutes as he drank in the scene. His kitchen was utterly destroyed, and Grell was standing there covered in flour with batter in her hair presenting an amateurish cake.

“What's all this?” William asked.

“You asked for a cake for our anniversary,” Grell answered.

“I was thinking of one from a bakery,” William said.

Grell's heart sank. “I know it doesn't look good,” she said, “But I worked really hard on it.”

William sat down. “I know you did, and thank you. I'm eager to try a piece.”

Grell smiled brightly. “Are you sure?” she asked, as she gathered some plates.

William nodded, and Grell practically cooed as she cut a couple of pieces. “I'm not sure why the frosting looks like this or why the top keeps sliding off.”

“Did you let the cake cool before frosting it? William asked.

Grell sat down at the table with him and set their plates down. “Was I supposed to let it cool?”

“Yes,” William said. He took a bite of cake and nodded. “I know I don't spend much time in the kitchen, but I used to be quite the cook.”

Grell leaned closer. “Maybe you can teach me someday. We could bake together.”

William glanced around his messy kitchen. “Maybe you could just watch.”

Grell laughed, as she wasn't offended. “Sounds good, darling.”

She took her first bite of cake. It tasted far better than it looked.

[callmewrinkles3]

Hi kiddos. Alex here. I know nobody asked for this but goddamn, I just needed to get it out of my chest and out of my head because today has been bad.

Nobody wants another sad story but there it goes. I was never a sports person until my best friend made me sit in front of our TV to watch twenty guys go around in circles driving fast cars. She spent her childhood watching Fernando race, so I just sat there without understanding shit. We were in deep shit in every single possible way, so I didn't complain about it because she was happy to do it.

It was the worst summer of our lives for too many reasons, but we spent those weekends watching YouTube videos about F1 to cheer ourselves up. It was really really really bad, but for a while that made it better. I can even point to the exact two moments I fell in love with Dan during those days. The first episode of DTS when he says he is a mechanic and the McL*ren snacks video where he had the goddamn Let's fuck ring. It was instant love. That was the moment my brain yelled "Yup, that's my guy". I also remember the first time I saw him. It was during the Hungary GP red flag after Valtteri destroyed everything that moved. I saw Dan standing beside the car looking at the damage and I remember thinking “Goddamn” because it was a mess.

I went from not being a sports fan to absolutely getting obsessed with it and with him. I remember Monza weekend like it was yesterday, grabbing my bestie’s hand after the sprint and saying “NO BUT YOU DONT GET IT” because he wasn’t going to start P3 but P2. I used part of our savings to get that pink shirt because it meant the world that weekend. I used part of my salary to buy an old school yellow Renault Dan shirt with my first job after not working for months thanks to covid. We were the most irresponsible people ever and we spent all our savings buying tickets to the race here in Barcelona the next year because it became my dream to actually see Dan racing in front of me. It was worth every single cent because it was a privilege to see him racing not once but twice.

The thing is, that curly Aussie man brought me the biggest smile on the worst days. He put a smile on my face when probably nothing else could. He gave me some of my biggest happy moments and some of the worst headaches and heartbreaks of the last four years. He even got me the motivation to write again after centuries of not doing it even when I love it probably more than anything else. He gave me my friends because I would never have met them if it wasn’t for our mutual love for him.

Dan is magically was the reason why @honeybadgercomeback appeared at the exact time I needed them the most. Heaven knows this needs a special mention because holyshit I love Ciara so much it's ridiculous. They stood by my side and listened to me cry for hours and stayed there when anxiety kicked me in the ass. They decided to write a whole story with me and create an entire world out of it. It's my pride and joy to do it. They even opened the doors of her family and home when I was about to explode and there aren't enough words to thank you. They're really the Blake to my Dan and heaven knows nobody will ever do it like we do. We have planned the whole thing to watch Austin together at my place next month, and even today they stood by my side when I said I couldn't watch it if Dan's not there. If that's not love then I don't know, kids.

It breaks my heart. I can't explain how badly I cried today about all this mess. The way the press and his own teams have treated him over the last couple of years is unfair. To see him leave like this is unfair. I absolutely hate it, but this is so incredibly unfair and wrong that I just reached the point where I found myself actually saying to myself that I just hope he retires and gets home to his family. I just reached the point where I’m exhausted by the sport I love so much and goddamn I’m not even planning to watch the rest of the races if he is not there. To see him crying in the media pen broke my heart, and I can't. Even then I truly hope this is not the last one. I just want to see him in Austin again. I really want him to have the farewell he deserves.

All this to say goddamn, how I love Daniel. I'm thankful for the last four years of love I got from seeing that lanky man on my TV doing what he loves. He means more to me than I could ever say. I love him more than words can express. He'll always be my guy. He'll always be my baby. God, I would go to the end of the world and to war for that man. Whatever happens next I just hope he is at peace after all this mess, because after fourteen years he bloody deserves it.

[nocompromise-noregrets]

five good things

aaaaand straight in with the really good one:

We have Last Cat Standing back after his thyroid treatment - he spent nine days at the vet hospital, and his thyroid is completely cured. Hooray! He turned 18 on Monday, and this has got him back to normal and given him who knows how many more years. I can't tell you how much of a relief it is, given that we lost the other three to various things that we couldn't do anything about.

I have a four day weekend, having done two days for job number two last week, and I am going to enjoy every last moment of it.

I did a full-body-stretch yoga routine today, having done no exercise whatsoever (other than a bit of walking) for far too long - I've been really achy and sore this week, particularly around the hips, which is always a sign I need to exercise, and I feel a lot better for having stretched properly, although I'm going to have to do the same routine every day for a good long while, I suspect.

I've got a gig lined up! It's not until October, but New Generation Superstars, a bunch of punk rock n' rollers from Leicester who I got to know at Trash Fest in Helsinki well over ten years ago, are finally playing this end of the country, and to top it off they're supporting Spread Eagle, who were a fantastic hard rock band at the end of the 80s/beginning of the 90s and who have been reformed for a few years now. I had no idea they were back, so when I saw the dates on NGS's FB page yesterday I had to go and check in case it was someone else - but it's them! I'm so excited. :D

I've almost finished my OU course - I just have the final essay to do, and my tutor thought my essay plan was good so it should be fairly easy to write it up from that. I'm on course for a good First/Distinction, which is deeply satisfying given that the last time I did any studying I was fairly solidly in the 64% territory all the way - which is all right, but I couldn't seem to improve whatever I did, I didn't know what they were looking for so I couldn't do it. This time round there's a lot more guidance, and also I'm 30 years older and more experienced, and it's given me a bit of a self-confidence boost.

Talking of self-confidence boosts, I was rather delightedly surprised (or surprisedly delighted) that Supermodel got such a good reception - thank you to everyone who's read, kudos'd and commented! I've been feeling a bit invisible in fandom lately, but you've all really helped me feel better. Perhaps a tiny bit tempered by the almost-resounding-silence that greeted the greatest treasure you could ever hope to find, but hey. XD I've long suspected that the Barduil fandom prefers modern AUs to canon-'verse, and this pretty much bears it out. Extra-special thank you to everyone who kudos'd and liked that one!!

I've nominated a few pairings and fandoms for the Rare Pairs Exchange and am rather looking forward to signups and assignments...

That'll do for now! And a reminder that I'm taking prompts for Barduil Month so if anyone wants to request a fic or two, please feel free!

[spikedsoul]

maid's worst nightmare - ch 28

"i'll just start the chapter today at work just to have a little something done" i said. anyway here's the wholeass chapter

previous chapters

@sovereign-of-succ

There wasn't much news about the Mushroom Kingdom, as it turned out. There was one article about how Bowser attacked and destroyed the castle - again - and how, again, there were no fatalities. You sighed heavily as you scrolled through it, scanning for any indication of how long it might take to get the castle rebuilt. Most of the article focused on how the attack seemed more vicious than usual, given the scale of the destruction, and finally at the very end of it there was one sentence that suggested it might take a few weeks. 

That struck you as a rather quick time frame to rebuild a whole castle but maybe the toads were just that good? Who knew. It also struck you that you didn't seem to be missing - the article had claimed everyone was accounted for.

As you sat there frowning at the screen, some of the articles off to the side refreshed. You'd done a good job at ignoring them until your eyes were inevitably drawn by the movement. To your surprise, there seemed to be a follow up article posted just yesterday.

MISSING: PRINCESS PEACH'S NEW HIRE

Your heart leapt in your chest; that had to be you. As far as you knew, you were the most recently hired maid, and the only one missing. Peach had realized you were gone! Surely she was itching to try and find you! Too bad you didn't have a way to contact her to let her know where you were.

As quickly as you could, you opened the article to practically speed read it. Your breath caught in your lungs at a certain part.

In an unprecedented turn of events, one of Princess Peach's handmaidens has come up missing after the attack on the castle. The handmaid, who Princess Peach asked us to keep anonymous for privacy reasons, was hired only a few months ago when she moved to the Mushroom Kingdom. Without a body, rumors are flying, but the most prevalent one is that for the first time in his life, King Bowser has kidnapped someone other than the princess to hold hostage. Others speculate she just up and left, but the princess is adamant that this woman wouldn't do such a thing. Currently, Princess Peach is trying to get in contact with King Bowser to confirm if he knows anything or not. She expects to hear from Prince Peasley of the Beanbean Kingdom tomorrow when they return from a trip to King Bowser's castle.

Holy shit, this was definitely about you. She knew, and she was trying to get you back, but it seemed like she didn't have a direct way to contact Bowser or else surely the process would have been sped up. Maybe you'd be back with her before the week was out… or at least there might be plans to be back with her then.

The sting of imminent tears pricked at the corners of your eyes and you quickly found yourself fanning your face with a hand in hopes too keep the tears from falling; if you cried, you'd end up ruining the makeup Wendy did for you. It was hard, though; after Bowser suggesting she wouldn't care, or couldn't justify bringing up home, it was a massive relief to know that she had noticed your absence and was going to do her best to find you.

You hoped she didn't think you were secretly dead somewhere. That would suck pretty badly.

At the very least, the article mentioned your body was missing so it seemed like she was holding out hope that you were, indeed, just stolen.

You couldn't wait to go home.

After a few minutes of fanning yourself to keep your tears in your eyes, you successfully didn't cry. Now Wendy wouldn't throw a fit if she happened to see you again before the day was out - and honestly, you were counting that as a big win. But now that you had the news, you knew you still had a bit of time, so what better way to spend it than doing a little research into the princess you served? Just to see what others thought about her.

The first link you ended up clicking on was just a glowing review of her: aptly named with a bubbly personality that would rival the sun itself, a woman who'd never abandon those in her care and despite being stolen time and again, always went back home and immediately dealt with issues that had arisen in the time she was gone. She was a fierce competitor when it came to games, a reputable kicker of ass, but she was never unsportsmanlike. It even seemed like in times of need, she would help other kingdoms that reached out to her - whether or not they were allies.

Although it was reassuring to read such a wonderful thing about her, you were careful not to let yourself get swept away in the excitement. You recognized the author as a toad that often wrote articles in the newspaper and figured he might be just a little biased.

The next article you looked into seemed less positive. You didn't recognize the author, but according to them, the personality that Peach presented was just a cover for how she was behind closed doors. The article alleged that she would abandon people when they traveled, and coerced her subjects into pretending they loved her. The author seemed to think that Peach was the sort to throw people under the bus if it meant she stayed out of trouble. Needless to say, you weren't totally convinced.

The third article you delved into seemed to be a solid in between of the other two: this one made some valid points that Peach genuinely tried to do her best for her people, but as a monarch she was sometimes put in tough spots and had to make decisions that others didn't agree with. You were much more willing to believe that, if you were honest, and after finding out that she had realized your absence, you didn't think you'd blame her if she couldn't negotiate a fair trade for you.

You were just a handmaiden, after all. Perhaps appreciated by her, but definitely not someone important.

You sighed and rolled your shoulders as you sat up a little; during your readings, you'd started to hunch over, which was a bad habit you weren't totally sure how to fix. But whatever! The important thing was that overall, it seemed like opinions of Princess Peach were positive and that you had actually made a good choice when you applied for your position. That genuinely helped ease most of your lingering anxieties and you knew that even if it took another week for negotiations to finish, you'd be able to wait more patiently.

Just as you stood up to wrap up your little research session, you heard the door open behind you.

"See? I told you she was here," came Morton’s voice. "Okay, have fun!" And the door slammed before you had a chance to turn around to see him.

When you did turn, your blood froze in your veins as you were greeted to the sight of Rodney stalking his way toward you, a forced smile on his face while his hands balled into fists. He had an infinitely more threatening aura than you'd expected, his eyes boring holes right through you as you stood frozen at the desk. You knew he'd be unhappy with you when you ran but you had no idea it would feel borderline murderous.

Fuck, this was serious. Morton didn't know Rodney was supposed to stay away from you and as far as you knew, no one else knew you were here or with him.

Rodney could legitimately kill you. He looked like he was about to. You knew instinctively that you wouldn't be getting out of this without some injuries.

"Been looking for you, cutie," he growled. "Why don't we have a chat, just the two of us, huh?"

[roguemonsterfucker]

My poor younger sibling is the only member of my family that actually wants to see people. Like. In real life.

They get so excited when extended family may come visit.

So uh. Yesterday, a somewhat distant relative said they were coming to town and wanted to make plans to meet up with us. Now, making plans to go somewhere for my family is. Complicated.

My younger sibling has a lot of disabilities that make getting out of the house quite the production (wheelchair, medical equipment that has to travel with us, etc, etc). But uh. People don't usually understand this. They don't really process the fact that leaving the house takes real effort for us.

But we were gonna do it because my younger sibling really wanted to meet up with this person! Because my sibling is a fucking weirdo who actually likes people for some reason. 😂 Very much the black sheep of the family. We're all anti social losers.

Anyways, so this person last night says that they'll get back in contact with us to make plans to meet up today.

So my sibling gets ready for the day as if they're gonna be leaving the house.

And then we wait.

And wait.

And wait some more.

Finally my mom is like, no. It's too late in the day now. It's an hour drive there and traffic will be bad and we can't be out late in the evening anyways for reasons. So she texts the person that they'll have to cancel.

And uh. The person texts back basically saying that they're at the airport right now, leaving town, so they wouldn't have been able to meet up anyways. Plans got changed so they didn't end up staying as long as originally thought.

🙃

So uh. Yeah. My younger sibling is really upset. They even said "This is gonna turn me into you!" lol. 😂

This person had all fucking day to let us know plans changed. But didn't say anything until we had to cancel.

Odds are they just forgot about the plans they'd been making with us. But fucking hell.

I'm very angry on my sibling's behalf because they actually like spending time with our extended family! They like hanging out with people! And this happens to them all the fucking time.

And then *we* get labeled as the people that don't make an effort to spend time with family. Because no one understands how much fucking effort it takes to even leave the fucking house and no one's willing to accommodate for that. They always expect us to be the one to drive an hour. They expect us to be the one to stay over at their house (with a fucking ventilator no less 🙄).

We can't just jump in the car and go anywhere we want. Just getting my sibling into a car is a long, hard process because of their mobility disabilities. Then if where we're going requires them to get out of the car again... Oh boy. That's a lot of moving around that is very difficult. That's not even mentioning the like three bags of medical equipment my sibling has to have nearby at all times (some of which is attached to them!).

And yet. My sibling loves going places. They love meeting people.

My sibling, the one of us who physically can't go places too much both because it's difficult and because they're prone to getting sick.

And the *one* time in months that we were gonna put forth the effort and take that risk... and the person doesn't even have the courtesy to let us know they needed to cancel.

anyways, i'm kinda pissed off if you couldn't tell. I figured a lot of y'all might be able to relate to part of this struggle at least.

I don't have my sibling's physical disabilities but I have a lot of my own issues that our extended family over the years has thought they could fix by just forcing me to do what they wanted me to do. I've had people just not understand the depth of my problems and never care to accommodate me or even just accept that part of me. But I also fucking hate people and don't care to talk to any of our extended family if I don't have to, so it's whatever. It just breaks my heart to see my sibling be so excited for something only for that person to be an inconsiderate jerk and crush their excitement.

[theskee]

today (day BEFORE yesterday as of posting, i started this but... uh. didn't finish it.) i ventured out to the local used book store to see if they carried calendars.

you see, my child just started school as of yesterday, today was their first full day of kindergarten and they are in the process of being evaluated for either a 504 Plan or an IEP and it's been stressful. i have been in fight or flight mode for i dunno. nine months now. the process of all of this was a nightmare but now i'm finally across what feels like the real starting line.

i had to get a lot of help from my friends to get through this whole situation and today... i decided to do something good for myself and try and reclaim the independence i gave up the last nearly six years when i decided to become a full time stay at home parent.

i have experienced so many interesting and life affirming things recently, from reconnecting with one of my dearest friends, to being corrected by the school social worker when i met him-- i said 'i don't work' and he emphatically and encouragingly said "outside the home" offering more value and credit than i am ever prone to offering myself.

today... was special.

i went in while my child was at school and perused the CD section to bring home some new fun soundtracks for the kiddo and then an employee approached me. he's an older gentleman, maybe early sixties or late fifties, a little stiff at first, but he asked if i needed any help.

i asked if they sold any calendars, and he said no but he thought they might still have some free ones hanging around and found one for me. it was very kind and i was like 'well thank you, just the CDs then.'

he saw one of my choices was the O Brother Where Art Thou soundtrack (my kiddo likes some country and is really into soundtracks right now and i personally love the soundtrack, it always reminds me of my late father, who was a big fan of the movie and had a massive crush on Clooney) and commented on how much he thought he didn't like country music until he started listening to older country.

myself, being from KY originally, and raised on good ol' bluegrass and a healthy dose of pro union, working-man's country, completely understand the distinction between the popularized modern country music we are most likely to hear, and and what came before that informed some of it. we got to talking about that, and the next thing i know we're talking about the importance of buying local, how much supporting small businesses is, and how hard it can be for a small business to compete with the likes of bezosmart.

i mentioned my favorite author, Jason Pargin, who encouraged his readers to buy from their local bookstores first and foremost and then i said as a writer, i hope to advocate that way if i can ever get published. this-- sparked a conversation in which he joyfully told me that he was finally getting a couple books he'd written published, one traditionally and one self published.

I congratulated him and expressed that I hope to do the same, that I've been writing since I was 12, told him about my long history with fanfiction, how I love writing but haven't managed to get myself to finish anything original in that time. And he gave me this look... it was so fond and kind.

He said, with just... reverence in his voice. "You've been writing since you were 12? You're a writer."

And I gotta say this man did more to heal my soul with that one statement than all my years of therapy.

[thepinkwriterr]

Capricorn Season Chapter Thirty-Three

Thank you to everyone who has been following my silly little story for the last few years (or however long I have been at this). We are coming toward the end! There are maybe 25ish more chapters left. I started writing this story after my first bad breakup in high school, and it's just snowballed from there. These characters have been my comfort through college, marriage, and so much more. I really love this story. I am a creative writing major, so I hope the quality has gone up. As long as people are sharing/reading, I will keep writing. I appreciate every comment, like, note, etc, so much. Knowing that people are actually reading makes me so happy! Thank you all for caring about Gwen so much. I do plan on writing a sequel (entitled Aquarius Season) and maybe a third part (Pisces Season). Thank you all! < 3 Also -- please comment to be added to the tag list.

Word Count: 4k Table of Contents

Sex had never meant anything to me. My conquests of the past were fleeting, almost primal in their necessity. I was filled with hunger. I never had good sex, it was bumbling and quick and over when he said it was. 

Sex with women was better, but I didn't do too much exploring past a college girlfriend named Julie. She was terribly concerned with being exposed. My family already wanted nothing to do with me, so I didn't care as much, but her feelings were never quelled. No one wants an anxious lover. 

There was something different about him. He knew where to cast his eyes. His lips found all the light spots on my body--branded me. Sex wasn't just sex with him. It was sacred and sweet. We honored each other.

I couldn't stop my mind from wandering to these memories today. He looked so good. His jeans hugged his hips just right and the sleeves of his shirt were rolled up to his forearm. I think he could tell I was lusting after him because he kept smirking at me. 

What an ass. 

Today had gone relatively smooth. Things were getting back to normal after the whole Tiffany incident. I was grateful for that, too, because it had brought Lorelei and me closer together. Normally I would chastise her endlessly until she caved and realized what she did was wrong. (That's what usually had to happen for people to realize they were wrong). But I felt bad for telling her out of selfishness and anger and she knew what she did was wrong already. This humanity within her was something I began to realize was sparse in this world, especially in this industry. 

On the road people did and said harsh things. An air of drama shrouded everyone. Each moment was drawn out but passed so quickly it could give you whiplash. I didn't know what was up or down, what was left or right, or what anyone truly thought.

I didn't know how Lorelei and the other girls had lasted so long in this scene. The way musicians passed them around like objects to be won and traded was disgusting to me. It was ruining the music for me. I was drained after just three months of it. 

-

I pressed Lorelei yesterday after soundcheck. She wasn't exactly jumping to talk to me. 

I couldn't catch her eyes. She was wrapped up in Robert and all that he was---a liar. I wondered what he had told her to convince her to stay.

Soundcheck went as well as always. The guys went through the motions and played the same songs as they had for the last few months. I was burnt out and sick of it all. The luster of the road and show business had become mundane. 

William was coming down hard. I spent an hour on the phone with him the day before fighting over deadlines. I tried to avoid the group but didn't want to explain the intricacies of their drama to him. He wouldn't have cared much. He was growing fed up with me during this period of growing pains. He thought I was partying or otherwise slacking. 

I wasn't, really. I was quite miserable. 

Jimmy and I didn't talk on the car ride.  I pushed my knees against the side of the car and stared out the window. He wore a sad, sorry look into the venue. 

He wore green corduroys and a sweater to protect himself from the drafty weather. My corduroys. He rarely wore his own clothes these days. I think he'd been gaining weight and mine were more comfortable. Or he was just a cross-dresser. 

His gaze hit the worn stage floor heavy and hard as he took his place behind the guitar stand. I felt bad but had to stand my ground. I couldn't crack first. I was still mad about what he said to me. 

It changed the way I looked at him. He was now someone who could and would deliberately hurt me. He wasn't above bending the truth. I didn't know if I could trust him the same. More walls went up. 

He was still moping. His face was sullen and empty as he plucked G-sharp. I watched his fingers glide down the neck with a finger-picking motion. It was something bluesy. I didn't recognize it.

He looked at me softly with pearlescent eyes. The way only he could do. He could cut right through me. He was coming toward me with even strides. 

"Can I talk to you?" He asked. 

He looked tired up close. There were light bags under his eyes. 

I nodded. 

He pulled me by the arm to a spot that was secluded as it could get here. The lights were dim. Only a little light shone through the windows in the left corner of the cement room. It  was always cold backstage.

We looked at each other, absorbing the odd sight of one another's faces. He was withdrawn from me. His glassy, sunken eyes appeared present but were distant in actuality. I tried to look beyond the pools of murky green. Soft shadow was thrown across the left side of his face from the slivers of sun that poured in. 

"I'm sorry," he finally spoke. His voice pierced the tension between us.  

My lips fell into a grimace.

"You hit a nerve." He continued. 

I was silent still. 

"I was an ass, alright." 

My brow furrowed. Not the right approach. 

"You were right." He spoke through a slight grit. 

I softened then. His words hit the right spot. 

"I was afraid to lose you, my love." 

He knew exactly what to say. He'd practiced this speech a hundred-and-one times. He probably couldn't even remember how many times he'd begged women to forgive him, whether it was a minor or major offense. He probably felt bad for Robert, knowing he'd have hefty hoops to jump through to get Lorelei to forget about what he'd done. 

I started to speak, still holding my heart behind a wall of safeguards, "Do you mean that?" 

"Yes, I really do. I promise you, my love, I am speaking truthfully from the heart." His hands were in mine now. "I thought Robert might try and take you from me." 

He brought my hands to his lips. He knew I was softening. 

"I missed you so much, Darling. I care for you. I don't want to hurt you, ever." He paused between each sentence to press a soft kiss on my cold skin. 

I couldn't deny it. I was beginning to forgive him. 

"But you did." 

He sighed quietly. I noticed a small splinter of annoyance--impatience. "I know. And I feel so awful about it, my love. Would you do me the honors of forgiving me, being seen with me?"

I looked down at our hands. His calloused fingers laced mine like lattice and ivy. It hurt much more to imagine taking my hand from his. 

"Okay," I began reluctantly,"I forgive you." 

He flashed a toothy grin. I knew then that he was going to eat me whole. 

Now, to fix it with Lorelei. 

--

I looked out at the dormant chaos. Just six hours ago Lorelei attacked another person and it was treated like stale bread. The presses had run cold and everyone moved on.

She stood behind Robert with her hands on his shoulders. Bonzo stood alone. Tiffany had seemingly vanished. I wondered what exactly happened. Had she left on her own volition? She didn't seem to be a girl who needed to be told when to go. 

The fight was pretty nasty. Lorelei was scrappy, which impressed me, honestly. I wasn't rooting for the savage take down, but she made quick work of Tiff. 

"Can I talk to you?" Lorelei asked in a hushed tone. 

I looked at Robert. She followed my eyes. He stood next to Jimmy, trying to fiddle with his guitar. A long, stray string popped up from his meddling. Jimmy pawed his hands away with a grimace. 

I had to tell her. 

She pulled me off to the same spot backstage. Her eyes dug into me with an anxious glint. The only witness was chips of gray paint that frayed from the wall that sat between us. 

I had felt the pain of knowing the man you loved was with someone else. I knew the deep throbbing that thudded in her chest. That pain was so bad it could kill you. 

She bit her bottom lip. Her hands went into her mess of curls. 

"I don't even know how this whole mess got started." She started. The rest of her thoughts lingered on her lips, crushed just below her teeth. Her voice echoed even at a whisper.

It had started with my omission. I was consumed by guilt. Carrying the knowledge of Robert's extra-extramarital affair was eating me alive. I was supposed to be Lorelei's friend. Who could you trust if not your best girlfriend? I  wondered if the price of truth was worth the chaos. 

I wondered if she would understand why I had been on edge around Tiffany, why I didn't want to hang out with them. I wondered if she could see the guilt boiling over. 

Her anger started with Robert, who would not keep it for long. We both knew if she brought it to him he would charm his way out of it, and he did. She could never suspend her anger for too long, and it eventually fell into the scantily clad lap of Tiffany.

This was an error of judgment (the first mistake of many). Tiffany had no loyalty or oath to Lorelei. She didn't even know of her, or Robert's wife, when she slept with him. She was just a girl having a good time. 

Lorelei carried envy for Tiffany. She wished to be as carefree and unburdened as her. She was once, a few times, in her shoes. She had fallen foolishly into the shallow end before but always ended up hurt.

I thought of how this all must be playing in her head. The images of Tiffany and Robert writhing and panting swirling around the drain but never swallowed by the pipes. 

"Lor, I told you out of anger, not concern."

"What do you mean?" 

"Jimmy and I had a huge fight. He said he thinks Robert is in love with me. Then he basically called me whore. He was talking crazy and I was burning with anger. I was angry at all of them. We were all keeping a terrible secret. I couldn't take it anymore. It just burst from me." 

She looked more hurt than when I told her about the cheating. 

"So you told me to get back at him?"

"No, no, it wasn't like that. I-"

"You hurt me worse than Robert. You were supposed to be my friend, and you knew this whole time!"

"I'm so, so sorry. I know I'm a shit person and an even worse friend. But you should really be mad at Robert, not me. He's the asshole here." 

It sounded more like a jab the way it came out. 

"Oh, well, if you're sorry that makes it better!" Lorelei turned away from me. She couldn't look at me anymore.

"No, no, I'm sorry. Fuck. I didn't mean it like that. I just meant that he put me in a tough spot. I didn't know what to do so I kept quiet to keep the peace."

"Just- just don't." 

"Lor, please-" 

She whipped around, her mass of hair and skirt flowing in the sharp wind. Her nostrils flared. 

"No, you know what, I'm not shocked that Robert hurt me. He's a muscian, he's the lead singer, for God's sake! But you're supposed to be my best friend. You chose some stupid guy or some stupid anger over me. You hurt me, and that's shitty." She ended with a shake of her head and began to walk away again. 

"Please, wait!" 

Her blazing, heeled steps trailed to the backdoor. She was gone in a moment. The slamming of the door could be heard out on stage. 

My head fell against the wall. 

--

As soon as she stormed off, Jimmy rounded the corner toward me. He had been lurking. I wondered how much he heard. 

"Love, are you alright?" 

His hands found my arms, rubbing them with his stark warmth. 

I melted into him with a sniffle. "Yeah, I'm fine. Let's go back to the stage." 

-

I found myself slipping into serene domesticity with him in the oddest of places. We made homes in shoddy hotel rooms, cooking meals in their tiny kitchenettes and washing each other in the cracker-box bathrooms. Even the icebox that was any backstage room. 

On planes, we would put our trays up and share snacks while we read. He would lay his head on my shoulder and I would play in his hair as the plane took off to settle his anxieties. 

He was a reserved and undemonstrative man but I could read him like a book. His nerves were a shaken jar of hornets. When Peter sent a calloused glance my way, a plane took off, our hotel reservations didn't land, or a show was moved, he was sent into a tailspin. I saw that his fit at Royal Albert wasn't out of the ordinary for him. There have been multiple occasions that I've had to hold him while he shook and sobbed uncontrollably. 

In this way, we were building homes out of each other's arms. He would look at me with panic and know I was there no matter what. I would hold him until he was silenced and sleepy, not leaving his side, even if it lasted hours. And similarly, I knew he was there if I needed him. Some days it was hard to get out of bed or deal with everyone around. Often it seemed sensory perception was physically revolting to me. I would furrow my brow and cover my ears to block out the penetrating sights and sounds. 

There were so many sounds. I couldn't escape it. There was no reprieve. Our hotel room was sandwiched between Bonzo and Robert, who were noisy at all hours of the day. I found that my frustration was exacerbated when deadlines became harsher. Multitasking wore me out more than a day of adventuring.

Jimmy tried his best to help me but he struggled with the same feeling. There were days we couldn't stand each other simply for the sounds of footsteps. It was not about personal feelings, just exertion. We always apologized at the end of the day and kissed, held each other close, and embraced as if it were the first time.

When we weren't fighting we spent our days talking about whatever interested us. We shared details about our charts, what we had learned recently, and what books we were managing to read (it was one of the only things to do on our down time (well, other than sex, of course)). 

He was often submerged himself in research. If he wasn't on stage it was not far-fetched to see him with a book in bed. 

He turned to me now, on the desolate stage, and said,"I've been reading about something called Thelema. Have you heard of it?" 

"No." I answered. He knew I hadn't. His asking was just a formality. 

"It's fascinating, really, I think you would be very interested. It's all about discovering one's True Will, which is essentially your path in life.

I feel that my True Will is music, which I was lucky to discover early in life. It can be very hard to find one's True Will and often requires the deconditioning of socially learned inhibitions.

But I find it fascinating. Magick is versatile. Finding your True Will is made up of all kinds of tiny little actions and decisions. You have to really learn everything there is to know about yourself in order to find it." 

"That does sound fascinating," I poked at his repeated use of the word, "do you think you found your True Will so early because your soul has made many trips to earth? I mean, it would make sense, as you went right to music and haven't really strayed from that path." 

"I suppose. I do have an old soul." He chuckled. 

Anytime I used this flowery language he knew I was making fun of him. 

"I think so too."

"With my penchant for antiquing and love of art, it would make perfect sense." 

I nodded along. 

"What do you think my True Will is?" 

"Well, I don't know. That's a hard question. Most people don't even know their own and I wouldn't want to lead you astray." 

"If you had to guess, what would it be?" 

"I think it could be the pursuit of love and understanding. You are such an open and loving person. Strangers could feel at home in your smile." He pushed his face into my neck. His hot lips brushed my skin. 

I gave a pleasured exhale and pouted my lips. He was so sweet it rotted my teeth.

-

She didn't come back for two hours. She didn't come back until an audible buzz surrounded the building. We had deemed this the "Pre-show hum". A medley of feet to floor, jitters, and voices. Fans were entering the building excitedly.

Jimmy and I had been chatting in the green-room, which had begun to swelter (once everyone got moving and the fans worked overtime to cut through all the bodies it got slick and sweaty fast), but Peter had pulled the group off somewhere. 

I was stuck talking with Richard. He was feeling talkative today. He yammered on about some girl he saw in a pub, then the drive to the hotel, then how he was excited to be in Nashville. I only paid half attention. 

In the midst of his conversational zeal my eyes passed over Lorelei. She caught my gaze but quickly turned away.

Peter's booming voice interrupted our angst. 

"Line up, boys!" He called down the hall. 

The boys lined up for battle. Bonzo strapped a bandanna to his head and stuffed a pair of drumsticks in his back pocket. Jones quietly smoothed his hair down. Jimmy fiddled with his hands, trying to coax them from fists. Robert spoke charmingly with Peter.

The venue lights dimmed. The crowd began to cheer. It sounded like a military barrage. The announcer took his sweet time introducing the band. He warmed up the crowd with a few jokes, but they were impatient. Lorelei went to the side-stage---ready and waiting for Robert. 

"Everyone, give it up for Leeeeed Zeppelin!" The planes finally took off. A wall of sound was heard all the way to the street. I had never heard such fervent, virile noise.

"Let's go, boys!" Peter shouted with a smirk. He practically slapped them on the ass. They marched out to chanting and stomping.

They took their places—Robert at the front, Bonzo at the back, with Jonesy and Jimmy flanked at each side. 

Robert took the microphone from the stand, speaking smooth like butter. "Good evening Fort Worth!" Cacophony. Pandemonium. Insanity. 

The driving march of Immigrant song struck the crowd. Robert's call came out in rough, uneven strides. 

This was going to be the best show of the whole tour. 

-

It began with a gentle strum. Jimmy picked sweet chords with care and ease. The organ crept in like a bright, beautiful sun breaking the horizon line. The smattering of the drums thundered, leveling the melody out. They played together with intensity for only a short moment, an appetizer, before dying down to welcome Robert. His voice was rusty by this point in the night, but it sounded beautiful against the tender canyon of Thank You. The organ took center stage once more, almost outshining Robert. Drums once more. This time Jimmy didn't join in. This song marked the end of the set (not including the encore), and felt like a welcome sunrise.  

Lorelei didn't look at me until the end. The intro had come back in full swing now, this time with a flourishing electric solo. There were tears in her eyes. Only a trace of contempt was left. I didn't know if that was for me or Robert. I hoped for Robert, for both of our sake.

Jimmy and Bonzo played together to create some kind of electricity. We could all feel it in the air. The building was on fire. Robert danced around the stage, just for a moment, before finishing out his part. He cried out, gripping the microphone tightly. 

"Happiness, I'm glad." He sang. 

Then the chorus came back. It was tender again. Robert bumbled around the stage, jazz-scatting, while Jonesy carried the tune off with his expertise on the keys. 

Robert ended with one last emboldened yelp. 

Applause. 

-

I met Lorelei again in the bathroom. The band was going for their first encore song. It was something like Train Kept A-Rollin. 

She was smoking a joint. She sat on the counter with her feet in the sink. She wore wooden wedges and thick bellbottoms. It would've been too hot if she weren't wearing that purple tube top. 

I wasn't surprised to see her when I opened the door. When she sauntered off stage, wiping her eyes, I figured I would find her here. I just brushed past her and went to the stall. I could hear the rolling paper burn with her sharp inhale. The smell was thick in the dead air. 

I looked down at my feet as I peed. My toes were painted dark red. Chipped, of course. She did them two weeks ago. The paint survived through two beach trips and sweaty airport sneakers. 

Face-to-face again, she was sweeter. She rolled her eyes when I froze. 

"We're cool." She said with a wave of her joint. 

I laughed with a huff. 

She held the joint out toward me. The opening riff of Whole Lotta Love began. 

"Good," I took the joint from her and leaned my back against the counter, "I missed you." 

"I did too." 

We sat quietly, listening Robert's manic panting and moaning. He was like a cat in heat. We started to laugh. 

They launched into We're Gonna Groove, one of my favorites. I tapped my foot along with the tempo. Jimmy was laying down some great work tonight. 

"I'm going to stay with him." She broke the silence. 

"You are?" I turned to face her.  "Yeah."  I held my tongue. If I said anything negative that would only drive her further into his arms. 

"If that's what you want I support you." She looked grateful. She grinned and nodded her head, wearing that award-winning actress smile. 

"Thank you."

----

Taglist:

@anothercanyonlady​ , @jonesyjonesyjonesy​   @paginate54 , @seventieswhore , @jimmypages , @jimmys-zeppelin​ , @jimmysdragonsuit13 , @sinceivebeenlovingyoou , @akyras-azriel , @lzep , @litvrgi , @laluxea

[dollsonmain]

Ok, so, yesterday...

A full hour after my scheduled appointment time, the doc finally came in.

The whole appointment was just some talking and planning. I wonder how much that's going to cost... (my hospital bills are now up to about $12.5k... If I can get That Guy to agree to $500/month that's already two years).

First stone removal is next Tuesday. I almost feel bad for That Guy having to take so much time off of work to drive me around. But only almost.

That's the smaller stone in the left kidney (I think I said lefty had the bigger stone before? it's the smaller one). He said that when he installed the stent he pushed the stone back out of the ureter and that, in addition to the IV antibiotics, improved function.

Left kidney WAS in minor distress when I got to Hospital A, but by the time I left Hospital B, my bloodwork showed both kidneys working exactly as they should.

The larger stone in my right kidney isn't attached to anything and is just spinning around in there. He expects that to take at least two surgeries to remove.

So that's three more surgeries.

He also said the stents will stay in for about another week after, so 4 surgeries because he didn't install stents with external strings that could be pulled out in the exam room. He has to go in AGAIN with little clamps to remove them.

Apparently doctors do that when the stents need to stay in for a while.

I am struggling with the stents. I have to have the hot bear on constantly.

He did say I can do whatever I want and the only problem I should have with the stents is more blood. Granted, as bad as I feel, I'm not going to be getting up to much. Going to focus on chores for now until all the surgeries are over, and then get started selling stuff again. Luckily I have a nice, big backlog of stuff so won't need to buy much to sell for a while.

I am dreading the expense of these surgeries.

Going to be on the phone today because I need to call and pre-something for the surgery (talk to anesthesiology about stuff??) and call financial assistance.

I need to complete my application for medicaid and then ask a bunch of questions about how to apply the fees I've already been billed and the pending other surgeries to whatever financial aid they can give me.

-

The doc also said I have a lot of calcium in my blood which might have caused the stones, and he thinks that could be a hormonal problem. I was looking it up and it's a thyroids thing, the solution to which is "surgery to remove the glands that are cancerous" like..... ok......

I mentioned it to That Guy and also said "That's something a GP would have caught." because he's not given me the opportunity for regular medical care all this time.

I'm sure that every time I'm like "You've neglected this facet of my care." in his mind he's thinking "You should have had a job and taken care of yourself all along." and that's not incorrect.

I DID have a job and amazing 100% coverage healthcare until he moved us away from my job.

-

While I was waiting for the doctor to finally come in my mom was trauma dumping on me via text.

Her mom died long before I was born. She said it was because her step-dad at the time denied her health care (she needed blood pressure meds) and beat her regularly. The day she died she was beaten.

She also said my brother had been giving her trouble all this past week threatening suicide, saying he's not eaten in 4 days and living in a tent.

I can imagine going through that and then getting a text from me like "Hey, mom, I almost died!"

I had to explain to her that That Guy wasn't denying me medical care, he's just stupid and really did think that the answer to supposed sepsis was urgent care and not the ER.

[mariacallous]

Now that I'm home, face wiped off, bra off, changed into pajamas, let me tell you about this dogshit meeting.

First, some context: I've mention our overall team director, the one who's been on vacation for easily a month and a half of the total time I've been working for the city (since the end of Feb) and who also as a Reasonable Accommodation to work from home outside of the permitted 2 days per our union and the pilot program the city launched so some weeks she's literally only in the office one day, and then she has so many meetings it's hard to actually discuss anything. She shifts meetings and calendar events all the time.

She is constantly unprepared for meetings - emails sit for months and documents and memos also linger - and she's not only always talking about how overwhelming her email is, but she lets people know *in the meetings* that she is *just at that moment* reading the email or document being discussed.

My boss and I have sent several items to her that didn't get any responses (unless and until we cornered her in the office when she's in the office) and on that Big Project I'm still technically waiting to hear whether it's moving forward, she's been a bigger obstacle to our making progress and doing things than both NYC OMB and the budget and migrant crises, which is saying something. She's one of the biggest reasons why we've had to keep adjusting our plans and the work we're trying to do and she keeps either not paying attention or not being clear with us so we're constantly struggling. It's to the point where our other agency partners are openly asking me "Do you even want to work on this? Are you actually prioritizing this? It's a little ridiculous that we have other offices and divisions asking us to participate and you all keep holding things up and not doing anything".

All this to say that today was our monthly coordinating meeting with two of our key other partners in the agency. We have a lot of projects or topics that we needed to discuss and make decisions on.

Things get kicked off with the bulk of one of the other partner teams not being available, so we were initially going to try to shift some things. Then we got someone and could move forward with the original agenda/list of topics.

Y'all...she was the one who put the agenda together. And she made it very clear that she had basically not read or ignored the email (which I flagged for her! Yesterday!) that the other partner team's lead had sent with all of the details. So she was asking for him to provide and go over stuff that is not only in the email, which I flagged, but which is also now at least a month old from when it was originally sent. And we didn't make a decision. She and I apparently are going to "discuss" this and "get some insight" from program teams in our office/division and then come back.

We then moved on to the next topic, and she was a little incoherent and mentioned the memo that I and my boss and another coworker put together which she has decided now needs to go to senior leadership and which she is editing. A memo that was sent to her *in July*, I want to emphasize. And, again, no decision.

The next topic was The Big Project. And the other team's lead directly asked "Have you guys done anything like we discussed?" and she floundered and I had to jump in and tell him what I'd told him separately, which is no, because we'd been told we were waiting for xyz from senior leadership and so nothing has moved forward except the draft stuff I sent to senior leadership a few weeks ago. And then my boss mentioned the changes we'd made and my boss completely, again, either hadn't paid attention to the emails or wasn't agreeing with us and hadn't let us know until then so she started trying to go back on things and make further changes and I almost lost my shit but fortunately I was muted on the call so no one heard me.

And now tomorrow my boss has scheduled a meeting with me, her, and the overall team director to make sure we're all on the same page. I told my boss that I'm hesitant at this point because of the issues we've had with the director and the other obstacles involved. I also flat out said "If she could read her email and be prepared in advance, it would help. Because this was embarrassing."

[ahiddenpath]

Life Update

Life chat beneath the cut. I feel like this one is a bit on the whiney complainy side, but it is where I am now, so I'm keeping it for posterity, lol! But don't read if you're not down for some whine and cheese xD

So I took the last week off from work. I was frustrated, because I didn't go anywhere- it was a staycation. We opted for that mostly because I was going to lose my gd mind if I didn't get some time off. I get 3 weeks off per year, plus a week closure around Christmas "made of" federal holidays that we do not get, so I try to optimize my time off. But... I didn't have the brain space to do anything, and also, as I tried to plan things... Holy damn, everything is so much more expensive than it was even like three years ago.

But now I'm further frustrated because I spent the vast majority of the week just doing damned chores and household projects. Like, I told myself I would stop doing any chores yesterday, but I still spent until 2 PM exercising and doing "a few quick things." The same thing happened today. I'm kind of in, like, a horrible sort of awe of how long shit takes, man. For example, it took my husband and I about 2 hr to take down a broken ceiling fan that was 30 years old and not very user friendly and replace it with a new one. It took me an hour with a hair drier and a scraper to remove like 2.5 cm of hot glue from a doll's head (holding her removable eyes in place) so I could send her out to be painted. And I spent 40-90 min outside for like 8-12 days weeding and doing some basic yard work to prep for a mulch delivery.

I'm trying to be more fit recently. I am, ah. A very unfit human. I think I somehow have not mentioned this in the 12 years of this blog, but... I've had a million surgeries on my hip and spent roughly age 6 months to 2 yrs in a body cast, then until roughly age 4 in physical therapy to learn to move around. I'm clumsy and can just, like, fall over unprompted, I assume because of all that. I don't have the full range of movement in my lower body, so doing physical things can be... Really daunting. I always put exercise and mobility training off.

And of course, it's starting to bite my ass, lmao. I recently learned that humans begin losing muscle mass in their 30s, meaning that weight training is essential. I also learned that using a machine to exercise (like an elliptical) is only good for cardiovascular health. The machine takes on a lot of the... strain?? Work?? Of moving, meaning you aren't working your body in the same way as when you just... Walk. It's meant to help you work out longer, so you can develop your cardiovascular system. (Incidentally, this is why walking and hiking are great exercise).

That's why I took on a lot of the gardening/yard work. I did clear out all of the weeds! And the way my soreness decreased over the days means that I did something good for my body.

But, like. The amount of time caring for your body takes is absolutely gobsmackingly unreal. Holy shit god damn! I've always struggled to keep the balls of work, mental health, creativity, physical health, and social health in the air, not touching on chores and stuff. The physical ball is the one I always put down first.

But I only get this one body, and the American healthcare system is a nightmare. So... Yeah, the priorities need to shift here. My foot has been hurting for a few weeks, now, and it happened last year after Japan, too. It's time to actually go to the doctor for that.

I am sensing more and more that I need to give less to work, too. That's difficult for someone like me to do, because I always feel a deep need to do my best with everything. But... Working this hard just isn't sustainable, and it isn't as if I'm rewarded over someone in the same position who does less.

I haven't had much of an opportunity to rest or do anything creative this week, despite being off. And I'm just as distressed by the fact that um... Just being gone at work from 8:20 AM-5:50 PM every day makes it impossible to do the tasks that built up over the last 3-4 years of being in this home. You know, sometimes people tell me, "But what would you do if you didn't have a job? I'd go crazy!" And I'm like- DUDE. DUDE! I could exercise, walk, work on house projects, and do chores all day every day for like three years and still have stuff to do! That doesn't even touch the personal projects and hobbies I want to work on.

Hopefully, I can figure out some kind of balance that works for me and is healthy. I wish you all the best, my dears <3

[stressedlawsecretary]

Today's Focus

My tshirt is not an endorsement of JKR. I got it in 2004 when the third movie dropped; it is 20 years old I simply do not throw things out.

05.29.24 - Made it to midweek! We've got sunshowers today (it's sunny and raining) and my sinuses are killing me. Thank god I don't have to commute on Wednesdays.

Work - I didn't leave stuff for myself, except for like an efile and retrieving a document. I'll only have to do what comes in by email but I think SJC is back so I might end up busy again.

I ended up on the phone for 20 min with one of JJM's defendants in her new case because he's very concerned about how to mark up the complaint I sent him (95 pages of handwriting because the plaintiff is a pro se I/I), and I had to re-do a mailing from October because the correctional facility didn't bother to send it back to us until like this month or something. Oh and I had to explain to an intermediary that, because they are not a party to the lawsuit in question, they cannot just sign documents on behalf of the plaintiff.

Background Noise - Well I'm home and the DVR is still p full despite me literally getting a whole 20 episodes of Jeopardy off last week so this week we're focused on all the episodes of The Steve Wilkos Show Dad has saved back for me. I do not watch the trashy cheater & DNA shit; I'm here for the true crime ones - molestation, sexual assault, theft, murder...shit like that.

Managed 15 videos off the various lists yesterday which is pretty good considering that at least an hr of my time was taken up by my computer updating and restarting.

Study - It is visual study day, so most of what I'm going to pick to watch on YT in my downtime will be something extra-informative. To that end, I've got a couple of biography/fact-type videos I want to watch: one on the lava lamp, and the second on the real-life case that inspired the exorcist. I have a couple of true crime and other fact-type lists I can watch as well if I somehow get the time.

I am actually quite pleased with what I managed to read yesterday: two of Van Gogh's letters, three articles on the UK's Post Office Horizon scandal, three 'good news' articles, and I finished the essay on International Monetary Reconstruction. I also got a little farther in a couple of other long essays I was reading.

Extras - Wednesday is back to doing chores so I have to clean out the catbox again and vacuum; I'm also going to do some extra laundry and cleaning up in Dad's room because he lost his glasses on his trip so I have to find his spare pair. At least it's takeout night though I have no clue what I might want to get. I'm planning on watching the first Kamen Rider Build movie tonight; I may or may not watch another episode to go with it. Depends, because I'm starting S3 of The Tick as well (have to save time for silly show!) Mini-essay is done & was easy because it was about good news; tomorrow's will be harder and god knows if I'll do anything else today.