#i had to do all the feeling and emotion IN the situationship and now we don't talk and somehow i feel i'm STILL doing all the feeling

[la-cocotte-de-paris]

hmm i just realised that last post i made (the one about the school memory) would have been the type of thing that would suddenly cross my mind and then i'd tell my (now ex) all about it so then i could share the laughter with someone

[seagreenstardust]

Never in my wildest dreams did I think we’d end up here post-canon.

We had three seasons of Katsuki being various shades of angry and two where his cute aggression was in overdrive and any real feelings he had were buried beneath his guilt, inferiority, and rage.

So many bkdk fics from this era had them in a situationship of some kind largely because Katsuki Bakugo was the poster child for emotional constipation. The future of bkdk was often agreed to be this delicious angsty cocktail of yearning and we ate that up. Izuku and Katsuki loving each other but being unable to say it? The tension, the misunderstandings, the regency-esque moments of hands brushing? Bruh. Gorgeous.

And then season six happened and Katsuki apologized, calm, empathetic, validating, and boy did that open up doors for bkdk’s future, but that was followed by season seven where simp!Katsuki really found his sea legs, embraced his new normal and his all-encompassing obsession with Izuku and went LITERALLY RIDE OR DIE for him

Followed later by his return to the manga where everything he did screamed “I’d do anything, break my own bones, sacrifice my own life, my potential, my career, my money, all for him”. Boy came back from the dead and was all-in for Izuku and has never looked back.

We had tsundere!Katsuki down to an art and now we have simp!Katsuki too and whiplash has never in my life made me so happy. We get the best of both worlds. It has never been better to be a bkdk.

[who-dat-homeless]

I do love fic plots where spock hesitates to share his feelings towards kirk, be it for spock thinking kirk isn't into men or kirk specifically not into him but I think that some fic authors miss on another juicy angsty, and imo a very mature reason:

wouldn't kirk's feelings fade the next week as soon as they finally confess their feelings toward each other?

I mean look at this from spock's perspective - kirk (looks like) the most emotional, ever changing, ever growing, ever risking human he's ever seen. On top of that Spock sees how Kirk every now and then meets another woman, falls in love with her head over heals, vows that she's the one, she's everything he ever wanted, he has puppy eyes when looking at her, and then mourns their separation like he mourns a child death.

but then like

day or two and he won't even remember her name

and needless to remind but spock has a lot of problems with self worth, and as mccoy himself pointed out he's not even afraid to die. Spock called himself disposable.

And just imagine already thinking that no one will remember you if you disappear one day and then have burning feelings towards a man who can not remember even a name of a woman he had as a wife.

Does the prospect of having even a week of wonderful situationship outweighs the pain that would come after when the man he loves will move on with his life?

(and i mean we all know that spock is actually kirk's one and only and that kirk will love him till the day he dies, but I think it's a worthy worry from Spock's part and it would've been cool to explore it. maybe one day I'll write a fic but for now I'm under the weight of my exams eh...)

[chuusheartattck]

THAT’S THAT ME ESPRESSO (TTME)

Chapter 34- You ight ☕️

You heard the sound of footsteps on the sand coming from behind you. Turning around, you saw a figure wearing a black cap and sun glasses.

Taking off the glasses, you realized it was Scaramouche. You hadn’t seen him since that night at your studio.

He still had his piercing eyes that you loved so much and his deep indigo hair that fell perfectly into his symmetrical face. He kept on looking better and better every time you saw him.

“So are you going to stand there or what?” Scaramouche’s voice interrupted your thoughts.

You cleared your throat before replying, “Um yeah, let’s find somewhere to talk first. I know a spot.”

You began walking to the giant rocks that the ocean’s waves were hitting. It was far enough where people wouldn’t see the two of you. As you were walking, you weren’t saying anything to each other, making the tension in the air awkward.

He helped you climb onto a rock where the two of you are now sitting on.

Neither of you spoke up yet and there was still an awkwardness in the air. You didn’t know what to say and it seemed like neither did he. You both were just staring at the ocean.

You mustered up the courage to finally speak, “I’m really sorry for all the times I have gotten mad at you for tiny things and for always blocking you without telling you the reason why. I’ve never been good with expressing my emotions which always led to miscommunication. I know it’s definitely not the most healthy way to cope with things.” Your voice trailed off when you realized you started rambling.

However, there was still silence coming from his end so you decided to continue, “I guess I’ve always been a people pleaser and in turn I felt like I couldn’t express how I felt to the other person. I was afraid they might dislike me if I ever said no or set a type of boundary. That’s the reason why I would get mad and not tell you why. I liked you so much that I could never tell you. I thought that you would never want to date me even if the circumstances were different. I pretended to be fine with whatever situationship we had going on. I would act in ways to make you jealous just so I can see if you actually cared about me. It’s such a stupid thing to do and I know I should’ve done something about it sooner.”

Scaramouche continued staring at the ocean. He still didn’t say anything which started to cause you to worry.

Did he hate you? Was he mad? Does he think you’re dumb?

You started to regret to opening up your mouth too much and began overthinking.

He locked eyes with yours before finally responding, “I have always liked you Y/n. From the moment we started talking, not a day has gone by where I haven’t thought of you. I was in agony that I couldn’t be with you, I tried to forget about you. I tried forcing myself to hate you because I didn’t want to burden you. I always knew how much you cared for me but I tried burying my feelings for you aside.”

His confession took you by surprise. You hadn’t realized that all this time, this was the one thing eating him up inside.

You opened your mouth to speak, but he already beat you to it, “If I don’t say this last thing now, I’m not sure if I will be able to again. As I said before, I always liked you and I always will. When I first recognized this, I backed out and gave mixed signals. I told you this before but my mother abandoned me when I was young. To this day I have no idea why but I guess I’ll never get an answer. I put all my emotions towards her so when she left I closed it all off. I was worried that if I put my emotions towards someone again, they'll end up leaving me too. I tried pushing you away because I was scared of having someone care.”

You were left speechless. You weren’t sure on what to say and ended up pulling Scaramouche into a tight embrace instead. His head was in the crook of your neck as he hugged you back.

“I’m sorry for getting more people involved than there should’ve been. I’ll never leave you for anything. I’ll always stay by your side no matter what. I wish I hadn’t acted stupid,” You finally replied to him.

He broke apart from the hug and placed a hand on the side of your face, “Don’t feel sorry, I was the one who caused you to act the way you did. I promise I’ll be more reliable to you. I promise I won’t cause you to be in anymore pain.”

You had a full view of his high cheekbones and strong jawline. His full lips were curved into a sheepish smile. You would give up anything to have him continue to smile at you.

You wrapped your arms around his neck and leaned into his lips. They felt the same but this kiss was different from the last. It was slower but more relaxed and romantic. He snaked his hand on the curve of your back for additional leverage. You were praying to not get spotted this time.

This kiss was more addictive than a drug. Every time you wanted to stop, he would pull your face in to continue. You melted into one another perfectly, as if you were meant for each other. You weren’t bullshitting when you said that you’ll never leave and neither was he. Scaramouche was the forest and you were the fire that always set him ablaze.

The two of you finally broke apart and smiled at one another. You felt relieved that you were able to get this weight off your chest, you didn’t regret it one bit.

“Yeah you cool, you aight type shit,” You chuckled breaking the silence.

Scaramouche flicked your forehead while rolling his eyes, “Nothing is stopping me from pushing you into the ocean you know.”

“If you do I’ll drag you down with me,” You responded as you rested your head against his shoulder.

He wrapped his arm around you. The both of you watched the sunset and the waves crashing onto the rocks down below.

Everything had now fallen into place.

Masterlist II Previous II Next

A/N: I was lowkey smiling when i was writing this 😭😭 The most romantic thing i haver ever experienced was making out in the rain but the guy ended up ghosting me the following week 😓

ALSOOO lmk if you guys want your users to be added to this au and i’ll make you a twitter user :)

Synopsis: You’re a new idol that just debuted under ‘Fontaine Entertainment’ with your new single ‘Espresso.’ You just graduated high school which means all your classmates are shocked to see you into stardom. Including your old situationship, who happens to be an actor.

Taglist: @skyoverkill1 @quacking-simp @lolmeowing @astro-stars @kaitfae @sl-vega @scarawiki @yuminako @samyayaya @skyvella @kur0kki @practicoi @kukikoooo @scaraenthusiast1 @shutingstar @lloovvv @moonjellyfishie @miy-svz @xionri @lalalaloveallmydays @hearts4lizzzz @kathiwis @state-of-grac3 @morgyyyyyyy @scaradooche @theyluvkatt @meigalaxy @noirechomps @crimxeorcremeexistspeacefully @vxcmx @ariesloves @cayl33n @animeobsessed56 @heartsforni-ki @feikyuu @ichcocat @strayharmony943 @chscklvr @kunikissr @jiminscarmex @sp1ng @bananasquash @aceakariii @thegalaxyisunfolding @sartrst @cheriswag @kokomiskiss @albedomestic-airline @lxkeeeee @sundays-prince @wvvyq @amurotoorudesu @ennsposts @illu-fu @vitanye

[joeshiestyslover]

i know it won’t work- m. sturniolo

pairing: situationship!matt sturniolo x reader

summary: you and matt have been in a situationship for months. he had you wrapped around his finger, but you soon begin to unravel yourself.

warnings: ANGSTTTT, language, mentions of sex, no fluff, matt’s kind of a dick ngl

masterlist

lowercase intended

a/n: my first sturniolo ficcc 🤭

matt sturniolo. the boy you love yet can’t stay away from. you met matt at a party that was being thrown by a mutual friend. the moment you locked eyes with matt you knew you were a goner. he gave you his number and you immediately began talking. after a while, he had asked you on a date, and soon enough, one thing led to another and you wound up naked in his bed.

this became a weekly occurrence. matt would ask you out on a “date”, but you knew it was just a hookup, yet you wanted it to be so much more. matt isn’t a relationship guy. you’ve known this since the beginning, but maybe, just maybe, you could fix him.

right now, you’re lying in bed with matt watching some random movie matt had put on. it’s not the kind of movie that you actually pay attention to, rather just one to have on for background noise. you can feel matt’s hand run up under your shirt and rub your back. thoughts are swarming your mind about matt. would matt ever want something more than this?

your thoughts are interrupted by matt’s voice. “y/n?” he asks. you look up at him. “you okay? you kinda spaced out for a sec.” he has a concerned look on his face. it’s almost enough to fool you and make you think he actually cares. “yeah i’m fine, just tired.” you say. matt shrugs and turns back to the movie.

thoughts of matt continue to run through your mind. you two act like a couple, you sure as hell fuck like a couple. why wouldn’t he want something more? after a while, you build up the courage to speak up. “hey matt?” he turns his attention away from the movie to look at you. “what’s up baby?” you nearly melt at the pet name. “would you ever want to be an actual couple?” you ask him nervously. the look on matt’s face is unreadable. “why? everything is fine as it is. why would we need to put a label on it?” your face drops and you sit up. “matt we can’t keep doing this. we can’t keep going on dates, hooking up, doing couple-y shit without being an actual couple. that’s not fair.” matt sits up as well. “where is this coming from? this is the arrangement, y/n. you know this. i don’t do relationships.” he tells you. “but why?” your voice begins to raise. “what is so awful about relationships that you refuse to even give it a chance?!” matt sighs and runs his hands through his hair. “it’s just not my thing! why are you being so difficult all of a sudden?! are you not happy?!” he begins to yell. you stand up from the bed and groan. “i don’t know anymore matt! you treat me like your girlfriend, but you refuse to call me as such. i can’t keep going on like this!” “like what y/n?!” you run your hands down your face, trying to control your emotions. “this!” you point between you and matt. “the hooking up, the dates, the pet names, everything! you can’t sit there and say that there isn’t something real between us because there is! you just can’t admit it!” you yell. “because there isn’t!” matt stands up from his bed.

your heart drops. “what?” you say softly. “you’ve somehow managed to convince yourself that i actually want to be in a relationship with you, but i don’t. we hook up when we need it! that’s all we are, that’s all we ever will be!” “that’s not true matt, you don’t actually mean that.” you can feel the tears beginning to form in your waterline. “but i do y/n! what’s so hard to understand?! i don’t want to be with you! hell, i don’t want to be with anybody!” he basically screams. you can physically hear your heart shatter in your chest like glass breaking on a wooden floor. “matt…” the tears are free-falling now. he just stares at you coldly, a stoic expression on his face, waiting for you to continue. “i never thought you could be this cruel” you whisper, beginning to shrink into yourself, the shame and embarrassment starting to hit you. matt sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. “look, we can just pretend this never happened, and we can go back to how it was before. i still want you in my life.” he begins to step towards you, but you step back. “no matt you’re not listening to me. we can’t just go back to how it was before. it doesn’t work like that.” you cross your arms and look down at your feet, wanting to be anywhere but here at this moment.

“y/n, please. don’t be like this. let’s just lie down and watch a movie, okay?” matt comes up to you and rubs your arms up and down. you almost accept his offer, but remember the cruel words that had just spilled from his mouth a few moments earlier. “no. i can’t do this anymore. if you don’t want to actually be with me, then i’m not gonna waste my time chasing after you anymore. it’s not worth my energy.” you say sadly. “y/n, baby.” you so badly want to fall into matt’s arms, but you can’t allow yourself to be entrapped by him again. “don’t do that matt. there’s nothing you can say that will make this better. you don’t want me, and i can’t force you to.” you explain. matt sighs. “fine. be like that.” he says, no emotion in his voice. “i have to go.” you begin to put your shoes on, and grab your phone and car keys. matt just stands there, looking at you getting ready to leave him forever.

once you grab all your things, you walk towards matt’s bedroom door. before you walk out and turn around to face him. he stands still in the middle of his room, just staring into your eyes. “goodbye matt.” you say softly before walking out of his room. you leave his house and get into your car. you begin to sob uncontrollably, wishing to feel any emotion but this. as you pull out of matt’s driveway, your car is silent, the only sound to be heard is your sniffles and occasional sobs.

after ten minutes, you reach your home. you turn off the engine and bolt to your room. you immediately lie down on your bed and start bawling once again, now being in the comfort of your own space. as you cry, you think about your memories with matt. the dates, the sleepovers, the sweet words. he had your wrapped around his finger. he had made a fool out of you and your love. how could you be so stupid? part of you wants to walk away from matt for forever until he actually listens. however, another part of you wants to take him back with open arms, but as long as matt only views you as a simple hookup, you know it won’t work like that.

[babyangelsky]

My Favorite Expressions in Love Sea Ep. 10

I can't believe this is my last one of these 😭

I've loved watching and writing about this show so much. I was always going to enjoy it because of the FortPeat of it all but I never thought I'd have so much to say about it or that I'd end up writing about it weekly. The only other shows I've written about to such an extent are Two Worlds and Dead Friend Forever.

I've only had this blog for a little over a year and a half and it's only in the past six months that I've been actively talking on it and making friends on here. I really want to thank all of you who take the time to read my posts and indulge my clown behavior and leave your thoughts and kind words in the tags. It means a lot 💜

Okay let's talk about microexpressions before I start crying in the club. Again.

We start off with Tongrak about to go have lunch with his mama after not seeing her for years. Mahasamut is lovely and encouraging because of course he is, he's my Memo Ochoa, but this face when Rak mentions wanting him to come along next time...

It's not that Mut doesn't want to. He does. It's just that he's very aware that it's not up to him.

And Rak doesn't quite get what he means because he's been trying very hard this whole time to not see this situationship for what it is.

His smile doesn't quite fall but it does flicker for a second and there's the smallest tilt of his head. Didn't he just ask Mut to come along? Then why is Mut telling him that it's up to him whether that meal with mama ever happens?

You can't pretend that elephant ain't there forever, Khun Tongrak.

And Mahasamut can't either.

"See the missing heart?"

It was at that moment that Tongrak understood what Mut was doing in giving him that bracelet.

And there was no joy at the realization. Only fear, dread, and panic. He doesn't allow Mut to get out the 'I love you'. He begs him not to sat it because simply knowing that it's coming terrifies him.

Tongrak tries to run away and draw up another agreement in a useless last-ditch effort to avoid Mut's feelings, but Mut doesn't allow that. We're at the end of the rope. We're at the edge of the cliff. The camel's back is one straw away. He loves Rak and he wants and needs to tell Rak. And he does.

But Tongrak is afraid of that love. He doesn't want it, and it breaks Mut's heart.

So Mut makes one last effort to make Tongrak understand that what he wants isn't Rak's money, but him and that terrifies Rak MORE because that money was another brick in the wall he'd built to protect his heart and now Mut is giving it all back and the integrity of that wall is weakening.

He isn't prepared to be without the wall so he rejects Mut and in doing so, chooses to be without him instead.

And here is where I grumble again about wanting to talk about a scene more and having to cut myself off for photo limit reasons.

When Mahasamut goes to say goodbye to Vivi and Mook and ask them to take care of Tongrak, Mook is the only one who's surprised. Vivi isn't. Hell, she doesn't say a word the whole scene and she doesn't have to. Look at her face. She understands why things are happening this way because she understands Rak and was coming to understand Mut. She knew something had to give.

Mook asks Mut if he's sure and wants him to reconsider but Vivi knows that he's here because he is and he has. Mook wonders what will become of Rak without Mut but Vivi (and we) know what it isn't just about Rak. Mut deserves to be loved and cared for the same way he does for others and has emotional needs just like anyone else and that's why he has to go home.

Mahasamut made sure to keep his promise of sweets in exchange for a good report card to Meena before he left and he almost made it home without breaking down but hearing Meena and her mom talk about what the number 8 means to Tongrak and the dawning realization of why Tongrak gave him an 8 that random night in bed is just too much.

It's all too much because at its core the reason Mut and Rak can't be together at this moment isn't a lack of love. The love is there but it's being smothered beneath the weight of Rak's fear.

Oh and hearing Mut's hitched sob after Meena asks him if he's okay?That absolutely did me the fuck in I'm never recovering fuck you Fort and also well done go sit at Chris Chiu's table.

I'd like to take a break from all this pain to complain that Mook didn't get to wear glasses for the whole show because look how cute my girly looks in them.

And the two flavors of concern she and Vivi have for Tongrak who is doing about as well as expected.

Sidenote: Khun Tongrak I'm never going to get over you leaving Mut's bracelet in the trash can for a week.

Her mess of a love life aside, Vivi is such a good friend. If I hadn't been so busy being sad in the moment I would've caught this face and realized the bracelet was safe.

As devastating as it was to see both Mahasamut and Tongrak have their individual moments of realization followed by a public breakdown, they were both important. I daresay they needed to happen because THIS is the true root of the issue.

Tongrak isn't afraid of love and he doesn't actually think it doesn't exist. He knows that it does and he's afraid of what comes with it. He's afraid of what happens when it's gone and the way that it hurts people because that is all he knows, that's the sum total of what all his life experiences have taught him about love.

But because until meeting Mut he never experienced love himself, he never had to confront that fear or fight its hold on him. There was never a reason to. It just kept getting reinforced to him and he fell back on it when he couldn't hide from his or Mut's feelings anymore.

This is what "do it scared" looks like. I'm so proud of my fighter.

And I'm proud of my Memo too for standing on business and not folding the moment Rak appeared even though I know a part of him really wanted to.

Tongrak broke Mahasamut's heart and it's not enough for Rak to appear and ask Mut to put the bracelet on him. That's still him wanting Mut to take the first step and even though we know that it's because Rak doesn't know how to go about this and desperately wants an opening, the first step is one he has to take without any help or prompting. Coming to the island was only half the battle.

And it's BRUTAL to watch because we know that Rak isn't there to hurt Mut and that he wants to reconcile and apologize and tell Mut he loves him but he just CANNOT find the words no matter how hard he tries.

Tongrak is a writer, words are his whole life, but it's like he told Vivi: fiction isn't reality. It is so much harder to say what you want to say when you're doing it for yourself and not for a character on a page.

"Don't make me throw my own heart away."

The lighting and the photo limit are preventing more screenshots of this scene and that is a good thing because just rewatching and seeing the glint of tear tracks on Fort's face is making me cry.

DAMN RIGHT YOU'RE NOT GONNA QUIT THAT'S MY BOY

Tongrak found the words and he found a way to say them and he found a way to make Mahasamut hear them and they're looking at each other with hope and surprise and love and I'm a MESS.

*blubbering* Just look at this adorable little cross-eyed look that makes it seem like Rak is trying to make sure he's not imagining this and all he can say is Mahasamut's name with increasing desperation and and--

Fuck fuck fuck fuck

"Pom rak khun."

"Chan rak nai."

*CRYING IN THE CLUB*

There is not a single expression in this entire television program that means more to me than this one. Not a single fucking one.

This is the face Rak is going to wake up to for the rest of his life, soft sexy morning voice included.

I just want to state for the record that I knew this pouty kitten had bought them a house the second he rushed in all excited with his envelope. I understand this man too well to be surprised by the things he does.

I would also like to point out THAT HE IS IN A TEXTURED PATTERN AND THAT I WAS RIGHT!

There are so many more expressions that I would've loved to include but this was a long episode and the photo limit is a cruel mistress.

This show wasn't perfect but I loved it so much. It helped me process some things, it healed some things, and it gave me Tongrak and Mahasamut whom I love and will miss so dearly.

I had a great time watching with ya'll and writing about it 🥰

*manifests a special episode*

[vergilscatgirl]

── .✦  A Gentle Shred of Humanity ♡

𖥻 Pairings ; Vergil/Fem Reader, Vergil/You.

𖥻 Content Warnings ; Explicit sexual content (18+), reader is fem-bodied (though no gendered pronouns are used), porn written with plot, fingering, penetration, creampie, praise, situationship to lovers, partially vocal Vergil, slight obsession if you squint.

𖥻 A/N ; I’m not sure why I wrote this. I had this idea since I began writing “Humanity Isn’t Easy” (A fic I’ve been working on for about a week now), Vergil may be OOC, but I’ll let you all be the judge of that. I haven’t written smut in the longest time, but feedback is greatly appreciated. A big thank you to @dantescatboy and @fragmented-stars for beta reading this for me and providing feedback. ♡

Vergil struggled to navigate humanity and the intricacies it held within. Whether it be socially, romantically, or platonically, little did it matter; for he still found difficulty in truly comprehending its meaning.

Meeting you brought a whole new perspective. It has been weeks since he returned to mankind — despite the icy demeanor he upheld to, you begun to pierce through the defenses he built; albeit, minimal chips at the exterior, it was progress. What you two shared wasn’t a romance, but it wasn’t platonic either. Gentle touches interlaced with dulcet conversations, exchanged fleeting glances at one another during work.

He was uncertain about the emotions he was experiencing towards you, it seemed like a far away concept, baring no sense of familiarity. It was obvious a connection of some form was developing between the two of you, but comprehension failed him. It took time to even acknowledge the probability that he had the capacity to have feelings for someone, especially someone who was human. For most of his life, Vergil denied his own humanity, yet in the time he sought it out, he hesitated when addressing it head on.

Later that evening, when you approached his room, to him it came as a surprise. He hadn’t foreseen your visit to his door at such a late hour in the night. Granting you a silent nod of acknowledgment, the door opened further, welcoming your entry.

And that’s what led to this.

You lay, nestled in his embrace, amongst the dark of the room that encircles you both, with the moonlight above casting the floorboards and walls with a luminescent blue. His grasp on you was gentle, holding onto you as if he never wanted to relinquish you — while he couldn’t explain why. 

“What are we?” You would ask, out of the blue. “We act like lovers, but are we really even that?”

“I have no answer to that,” was his terse response. The uncertainty gnawed at him — beyond his exterior, he was keenly aware you two had a connection of some form, though the prospect of it developing into something more was a thought he dared not address. “Are you wanting a relationship with me?” He found himself inquiring aloud, seeking clarity to calm his ever growing musings.

“That’d be nice, yeah.” 

The silence that lingered between you two felt interminable; as if a century had gone by. He found himself without words, adrift in indecision. For a man who thrived on seeking, knowing, understanding the truth of what he sought after, grappling at the concept of romance in its entirety proved to be an arduous challenge.

“Is there anything in particular you had in mind?” Idle hands remain on your body, cherishing your warmth against his own.

Your face would flush in response to the unexpected  question. “Not..exactly, no.” Your hands explore the texture of his chest, soft traces along the skin.

“I am unable to understand what is included within a relationship — beyond the usual, we already do what contributes to a connection, aside from sex, if that is what you’re implying that you want from me.”

Your face would heat up even more, if that was even possible, face pressing firm into his chest. This was definitely not the implication you intended, however if that were to be the outcome, you wouldn’t deny him.

“If that is what you wanted of me, I’m sure I could provide it for you.” With a gentle glance towards your crimsoned face, hidden within the confines of his body, he almost found a smile gracing his lips, which manifested into a mere tilt at the corner of his mouth. 

“I mean.. I.. don’t really.. well..” You mumble incoherencies, unable to find your wording, arousal clear in your tone, an ache igniting within you; mutters turn into mere, hushed noises. 

“Only if you wanted to, that is. I’m not fully informed on the subject, though that may change.” His voice looms above, hand raising to caress your hair in placid strokes in an attempt to calm your growing nerves.

“I mean..I wouldn’t mind.. if.. we..” You truly were at a loss for words, taken aback by the forwardness of his statements.

It was as if time had come to a standstill; his movements are precise—premeditated, every maneuver found purpose. His grip on you remains as delicate as before as your body lays beneath him, a near yelp escapes your lips. His gaze locks onto you, unwavering as his hands leisurely explore along your body, as if noting every unique detail he could find. 

“I will ask this once, and I want you to be entirely honest with me,” his voice resonates from above, “are you wanting this with me?” 

If you weren’t aroused before, you certainly were now, the pruriency aflame within you formerly boils to a further degree, pooling between your thighs — you stare at him, the moonlight casting a glow on his features. Frigid, azure eyes reflect sincerity, seldom seen beyond his typical austerity, lips compressed into a firm line, awaiting your answer.

“Yes,” your hands raise from your sides, serene in your movements, cupping his face. Butterflies flutter within your entire being, his arms enveloping your body with such admiration, as if you were the most beautiful creation humanity had to offer him. 

Calculated motions, timing stilled in hushed breaths in the fever of the moment — grasps at your shirt, peeling it away from your body with intent. Desperate, tremendously so, though his composure never falters, he endures the ache, testing his displicine; to him, this moment was not about intercourse, it wasn’t an act upon lust, nor passion — a chance to produce a connection anew, restoring the jagged bond between you two, to piece together the sporadic fragments of his humanity. He can feel it in the way you caress his body, lips parting to disperse near discernible whimpers. You were his fortitude, his longing, his humanity. He yearned to discover that exhilaration which intoxicated him so sweetly, something he pursued for so long, now right within his grasp.

Sultry breath fans along your collarbone, leading to your neck. Coarse hands ensnare your frame, treading circles into your skin, seeking out more, sparing no time to ease your shorts down your thighs. Your body radiates heat, sweat glistening along your skin, all you desire is him in the moment, your mind running vacant. “Your body is of God's most divine creations.” His tone rings true, fingers pursuing elsewhere, curling around the waistband of your underwear, to guide it down, slick coating its fabrics. “You poor soul,” he murmurs into the alluring warmth of your skin, inhaling the essence of your scent.

Fingers taunt your skin, earning a gasp from your lips, a singular finger slipping into your silky and soaked heat, your pussy clenches around his digit, enticing him in further. “How I adore hearing you,” he adds another, your hips bucking up to meet his penetrating motions, gliding out, only to plunge right back in. Your breath was caught in your throat, moan after moan rolls off your tongue, the sounds you make urges him further. His thumb strokes your clit, in careful, precise circles. You can sense your climax approaching, deep within your abdomen, a coil burning alight, your cunt gripping his fingers so firm.

 “Vergil, oh god, Vergil,” you weep to him in utter desperation, hand reaching to his hair, tangling your fingers within his unkempt silver strands, slick with sweat. The needs within you boil over, noises falling upon his ears like a graceful song, cunt smearing his hand with your juices, coating the sheets below, and it’s sloppy; and you’re so close, each gasp that leaves your lips, glossy with spit, chest heaving—

His actions halt, fingers slipping out of your pussy, a trail of slick following. A pitiful whine slips from your throat. “Why did you-”

“Quiet,” was the only response he would grant you, his tone carrying the weight of an unspoken command. Rising to his knees before you, his belt unfastening in a brisk manner, his hardened cock finally being freed from the refinements of his pants. Your eyes broaden at the sheer size of it, worrisome that you may be unable to fit it. As if reading your expression, he supplies with, “and you can take it, my love. I am positive you can.”

With his body pressing against yours, you surrender to his touch, fingers finding place in his sweat-coated hair much like before. His own find home on your hips, gentle and light, kneading into the skin.

“You are my everything,” he leaves no time for your response, cock easing into your sopping cunt, ceasing only to watch as your eyes cycle upwards, a soft cry breaking through the air. A kiss brushes your temple, followed by the weight of his own as he respites there. “I have you, my love.” He pulls himself from your heat, only to push himself back in, relishing in the way you clamp around his cock. He stifles a groan, the now harsh thrust of his hips melting away your composure, his right hand leaving its place to begin circular strokes at your clit. The coil burns anew, if your whimpers are any give away to the pleasure capitulating you. You’re so full, and the immense pleasure stirs within your entire body. You can tell by the way his thrusts grow sloppy that he’s close himself. “Vergil, please, I.. I’m so-”

Your words matter not, for his labyrinth of thoughts entraps him, “my everything, my light,” his praises ring in your ears, bringing you closer to your climax, “my own gentle shred of humanity, for you have made me feel alive again.”

You seize, body trembling as your climax washes over you, a loud moan igniting the air, your fingers digging into his hair, whimpering out babbling incoherencies. He continues on, guiding you through your high, before succumbing to his own, a final sharp thrust of his hips as he fills you, his cum flooding within you, a moan finally escaping him. He stays there, noting the heavy rise and fall of your breathing, your body against his. He presses a gentle peck to your forehead, brushing your hair from your eyes. “I love you.”

And you were his; his ever present humanity, a guidance to his troubles, his light in the dark, something to cling to in his journey through life, to never relinquish, to never let go of.

[starswguru]

❝ message in a bottle ; 마크이

𖥻 pairing: college!mark lee x female reader

𖥻 contains: college!au, fluff, slight angst, second chance romance

𖥻 warnings: swearing, marijuana & alcohol consumption / english is not my first language and this is my first work ever on tumblr so i am sorry if there are any grammar mistakes or misspellings

word count — 4.06k

synopsis — you and mark were in a situationship for a few months before things ended poorly when you got too scared of your feelings and he had to leave the country for an exchange program in london. now, six months later, you were at a party with your friends and discovered mark was back in town.

🎀

AND just like that, your whole world stopped spinning for a long and torturous minute. in the blink of an eye, you went from being over-the-moon excited — and slightly intoxicated — with the idea of partying with your friends during the first summer night before heading to your hometown in the next couple of days to being paralyzed, feeling all your blood get drained far away from where it should be in your body. in the blink of an eye, you went from being a happy girl with the arrival of the last member of your friend group to someone terrified with the sight of a ghost from the past. a quick glance, unintended by all means, in mark’s direction was all it took for the memories from that previous year to come flooding back to hit you like a lost train.

“hey, princess,” he said. his cheeks burning in a shade of shameful red, but something stronger than him was preventing his stare from going anywhere else other than your eyes. there was a blunt hanging between his teeth. “how you doing?”

“that’s it, guys; i’m done with this. i’m just gonna change my major or something like that! everything’s going terribly wrong, and i can’t keep torturing myself by studying this shit.”

you dropped your head and rested your forehead on your arm that lay on top of the desk in front of you right as the confession slipped from your lips like a dangerous poison that you should not have taken. it was the first time you’d ever said it out loud to someone else to hear — other than the mischievous voice inside your head — how you truly felt about the english major you were pursuing. the fear of judgment and of being too hasty about this decision was corroding every last bit of your emotional health, and because of it, you could sense that a storm was coming. what if you did change majors and ended up not adapting? how would you find a job, or better yet: how would you support living all by yourself if you couldn’t even pick an undergraduate academic path? time was running out, and the unbearable clock inside your mind wouldn’t give you a break. the tick-tacking of the goddamn thing was going to drive you to insanity at any point soon.

“hey, chill for once, okay? it’s normal to feel like that and to want something new. hell, i know i had to change my major twice before finding out what i actually wanted to do. jae did the same thing. you’re not alone.” jeno offered you a small yet reassuring smile or someone who didn’t quite know what to say but still wanted to see his friend more relaxed.

“exactly! take a deep breath and think things through with an easy heart. if you need help, we’re here to help you." swallowing the last bite of the sandwich he had bought earlier, renjun tapped the notebook in front of him. “how’s that linguistics project going?”

as you raised your head, you shook your head in a negative sign. “i mean, it’s good. too good, actually… and that’s sort of the problem. like, the dude i’m working with is super sweet and really fucking good at this class and so he’s kind of doing the whole thing by himself and dragging me along with it ever since we started. i feel terrible, even if he says it’s all good and stuff, but it is what it is, i guess.”

before either of the guys could express any opinion about what was just said, a guy with freshly cut black hair — it was even possible to see the drawing of a spiderweb on the left side of his undercut —, earphones in and a large yankees shirt approached the desk, more specifically you, and offered a genuine smile that wasn’t common to see between two colleagues who were only working on a school project together at you. the unknown man squatted so he could be at your height and unlocked his ipad’s screen to the word document the two of you were using to write notes together, or at least that was the initial idea because the reality was that mark was doing all of it alone, proudly.

“oh, hi, y/n, you good? just wanted to ask you a quick question… have you taken a look at this topic right here? i know we’re only supposed to work on it in two weeks but i was wondering if maybe you’ve come up with the same conclusion as me.”

feeling a thousand times more embarrassed than if a professor asked you to present a thirty-minute seminar alone in front of the whole class, you felt the tip of your fingers getting cold and a thin droplet of sweat rolling down your temple. “uhm, hey, mark. yeah, about that… look, i didn’t really have a chance to look at that yet, i’m sorry. i can barely manage this week’s assignments, let alone two weeks from now. i- i’ll text you when i read it, okay?”

you didn’t know it at the time — or if you did, you had an enviable ability of discretion — but every single time mark heard his name escape from your heavenly drawn lips, his heart would skip a beat or two and he felt like he was about to combust at any second. it was the first time in his whole life that he had ever felt that way about someone and dealing with feelings of that magnitude was both weird and extraordinary, which meant that the ravenette wasn’t completely aware of how to process them. mark’s solution for his overwhelming thoughts whenever you were around was to take charge of everything he could in that project, to make you feel relaxed about that one particular class. the canadian was terrible at linguistics, for his skills were much more reliable during literature classes: he could interpret and internalize poetry from the eighteenth century like it was nothing, and plays written in latin during the roman empire were of natural understanding for him; and yet, ever since the first day of that semester in which it was requested that both of you joined efforts to build the complicated assignment, it was impossible for mark to not pull all-nighters reading texts and more texts, watching one video class after another that broke down the subject of that class just so he could give his absolute best when the time came to work alongside you and you didn’t find him an idiot, as most people in that university usually did after meeting him for the first time.

mark just wanted to impress you and the last thing he could be worried about was doing all that alone, as long as it meant that he could still have the minimum interaction with you.

“yeah, sure, that’s cool. if you need anything let me know, alright?”

you were still in a state of complete shock. no words would come out of your mouth, making it impossible to answer properly the question directed at you by the boy that a year before was the reason for many sleepless nights and therapy sessions, through no fault of his, which was even worse, because mark was perfect and you hated yourself for how everything ended.

a cold breeze, too cold for a summer night, hit the both of you with enough strength to make you shiver and it was only then that you realized that none of your friends were around anymore. you were alone again with mark for what had felt like a lifetime since he left the country for an exchange program in london and with enough unspoken words to make the whole situation a million times more uncomfortable than it needed to be. what were you supposed to say right now? “oh, hi, mark, long time no see! listen, i’m really sorry for being horrible to you last year, i’ve spent the last six months torturing myself because i only woke up to the fact that i had let the perfect guy for me get away too late to try and fix everything”? you ran your fingers through your hair, knowing that there were no words of your knowledge that could make it easier, that could put together again the pieces of what had once been something magical that the two of them were building.

you couldn’t care less about all those times your therapist tried to be kinder to your heart than you had ever been, or how your friends always tried to distract your mind from the constant haunt of self-collection and, to be honest, didn’t really mind that yes, after all the effort and studying, you had managed to change your major to something you actually enjoyed if the price for it was to drop the perfect crystal piece that was mark’s precious heart. there were no words that could take that back, and going against every piece of advice that was given to you, you had imagined more times than you’d like to admit how this encounter would play out: what you would do, what you would say or not say, how it’d feel… but none of those scenarios inside your mind was anywhere near to the real sensation of being in front of him again.

mark looked taller — or maybe it was just the feeling of missing him crushing your soul and clouding your judgment —, the slim body now gave way to the body of a man who went to the gym and tried to truly take care of his health, his hair that previously used to be as dark as the t-shirts he used to enjoy wearing was now covered in a shade of red so bright that it reminded you of his favorite superhero’s suit. even still, the one thing that caught your attention the most were his eyes. before mark left, before the whole chaos, they were always big and full of life, like those of a curious cub and you could always feel a cozy warmth travel across your body when mark looked at you with such brightness; however, it seemed that ever since the canadian got back in town, they were opaque, closed off to the outer world as if his eyes were now carrying some kind of intense melancholy behind them. the familiar redness in his sclerae, months ago, used to always be accompanied by an excited and smiling version of mark lee, but that night the only thing apparent to you was that lee was holding on to weed like some kind of way to numb the break-up pain.

the redhead had lived a thousand different lives during his exchange: saw and learned things that he knew he would never have achieved if he hadn't accepted the opportunity to go to england and yet, his mind couldn’t recall any of those experiences with the genuine happiness he should’ve felt like any other normal and grateful person would if they were on his shoes; to mark, ever since you left him all alone, he had turned into nothing but an empty shell of what should’ve been the real mark lee. what were his experiences, his learnings, his funny stories if, at any moment, he was allowed to at least call the person he loved and share all of that with her?

“yeah, i guess i’m okay.” you answered, holding back a cry that was stuck in your throat before looking away. “you?”

a shiver went down the english student as he waited for his project partner to arrive at the coffee shop you two had agreed to meet at to finish for good the agonizing linguistics document. it didn’t even seem real that you were finally concluding the most stressful and endless project of your university career until that moment and despite the sweet taste of reaching the finish line, mark had on his lips a bitter one, because he knew that the very instant you pressed “send” on the body of that e-mail to your professor, all of his excuses to talk to you would come to an end. it was only the beginning of november, you should spend at least a few more weeks studying together if said professor were to follow a normal academic calendar like the rest of his fellow colleagues of the department.

mark would only have one last chance of making this work out and that chance was right there and then. anxiety and fear were destroying the boy with more strength than he himself was biting through his nails waiting for you to arrive.

“gosh, mark, i’m so sorry!” you said in a panting tone when you finally managed to get to the coffee shop and met the guy that, by that point, had already become your friend. “the bus took forever to get to the stop i needed and then the subway was also chaotic… anyways, i’m sorry that i’m late.”

the both of you stayed a long time in that coffee shop, not only finishing the assignment but also laughing together and watching a few episodes of modern family on his computer as a way to relax after all the constant flow of negative emotions the both of you were facing during that semester due to not only that particular class but also all the other ones with their enormous reading load. by the time you had indeed finished what you were supposed to do, you were feeling so comfortable in mark’s presence that you didn’t even notice when you heart started to race faster and faster before the mundane things the lee did: the way he smiled from ear to ear, or how kind he was to everyone around him. you were starting to fall in love with how mark explained all the different concepts he used to build his arguments across the paper like someone would explain the most basic things to a child, and you thought it was sweet the way he would say “dude” and “no way” every couple of sentences that fell from his lips. but, above all, unconsciously, the way mark seemed to glow every time he looked at you was ethereal to your eyes.

as soon as you sent the hated file, it started to rain on the outside of the coffee shop, but contrary to the ideal scenario, you couldn’t stay in there just waiting until the climate conditions became more favorable because the two of you had places to be at, on opposite directions. there would be no other alternative but to run to the nearest subway station, or in the brunette’s case, the bus stop.

mark immediately took off his hoodie to shield you as best as he could from the rain, in exchange for you protecting his backpack that contained his computer as if your life depended on it, the moment you two stepped outside the establishment and something of a thunderstorm was taking over the avenue. mark couldn’t help it and ended up laughing at the situation you two had found yourselves in, thinking about how he wished he was a little less broke and had a car to take the girl of his dreams back to her place without having to worry about the rain, or how he wished he was stronger to pick you up and carry you to the subway station and, with that, spare your shoes from coming in contact with the soaked surface of the sidewalk. before you could notice, you were right in front of the stairs that led to the station.

“bye, i think.” you said, giggling along with him while you tried to fix your hair that, despite mark’s hoodie’s protection, still got wet from the rain.

the lee was going to answer you like a decent and proper person, he really was, but in that very moment, a raindrop fell from the marquee above you and somehow managed to hit you right on the forehead, which made you close your eyes, but mark kept his wide open. with an automatic reaction of his body, almost like an involuntary movement that he was incapable of controlling — such as the beats of his accelerated heart — his left hand traveled to your neck while his right thumb was busy drying the solitary raindrop slowly, to give his mind time to analyze every little inch of your face so close to his. mark tried to respond with words to your farewell, but his impulse to kiss you was far stronger than any cohesive phrase that his brain could formulate in that moment.

the literature student, now in his final semester, nodded as he bit his lower lip and those opaque eyes fell to the floor beneath his feet after stepping on the remaining of his blunt. mark didn’t even know why he started that conversation in the first place, it was obvious that it was impossible for him to stand close to you without it affecting some part of him — whether for good or for bad — and even still, there he was, not managing to say a single word to you, nor being able to get closer, just feeding that giant gray and terrifying cloud that grew over both of your heads due to the impasse of what this was and what it should have been.

unlike his mind, that was only able to repeat tirelessly the day he finally built the confidence to kiss you, yours was in a hurricane of terrible memories that involved the brief, yet intense, relationship you two shared — or whatever the hell one could call it. how was it even possible that something that lasted only four months could leave such deep scars?

if mark was trying to hold back a smile remembering how it felt to have your lips on top of his, you were only torturing yourself with the replayed image of mark being crushed in front of you, by no fault other than your own. it was your fault that fear was allowed to consume every single good thing that the lee had ever given you; it was your fault that you’d thought that whole thing was a sick and sadistic joke from the universe and that, in reality, there was no way someone like him could've ever fallen in love with you. in the deepest, darkest, cruelest part of your soul, you were convinced that everything was your fault and not your mind trying to destroy you before something so pure and happy.

you were a sinking ship, navigating towards a port with not a single sight of a lighthouse’s spark to help you, not knowing how to reach the treasure that awaited your arrival because other people had already destroyed the lighthouse. the ability to grope around, trying to find yourself in the darkness you’d placed yourself, was stripped away from you the second you gave in to the bruises that were caused by third parties, and mark knew it wasn't your fault, although it was still difficult to try and be the guide to someone that wouldn't allow them to have access to the heat and light from the fire he tried to offer.

without even realizing it, the silenced cry stuck in your throat for months on end started to escape, not giving you any power to control it. you felt anger, sadness, frustration and you were missing mark… all at the very same time, in an endless swirl triggered by the mere vision of having mark back into your reality.

just like the first time you kissed, the unconscious answer of mark lee’s body to the sound of you crying after such a long time being away from you was to wrap his arms around your body without allowing himself to give too much thought to the action that just took place. if it was even possible, noticing you needing him in any way, shape or form was a true calling for him and it didn't matter how much time could've gone by, the lee couldn't ignore it. to love you and protect you was just as natural as breathing.

between the supplications for your tears to stop and hair strokes, mark then began to feel something that he thought was dead coming back to life inside the hollow box that was his chest. for months now, the redhead just knew that his heart was no longer there. instead, it must've been put inside a bottle and thrown away into the ocean that separated his emotions from his rational mind, as if he wasn't even the owner of his own feelings.

“please, princess, don't cry. i’m begging you.”

the cruelty of your mind wouldn't give you a break for not even a single second ever since the last time you've heart mark’s melodious voice so close to your ear, and the fact that it carried the same heavy tone of request didn't help with your genuine desire to stop your sobbings as your face was pressed against his chest. in that moment, the last thing on your mind were the looks that other people could be directing at the two of you; you could only see the desperation all over the face of the only man you've ever truly loved. he was in such pain that day — the day you told him you didn't want to see him anymore. soon, though, that image was replaced with the memory of the gut-wrenching feeling of chronic emptiness that filled your chest the following week and you came to your senses that you had make a mistake, but that it was also too late: mark was in another country, it was far too late to ask for forgiveness.

“i know you probably hate me right now. i shouldn't have done that, i shouldn't have said that, i was such an idiot, stupid… i'm sorry, mark, i don't know what was going on in my mind to treat like that, i-”

that sobbing wouldn't allow you to form coherent sentences properly and the way you were crying so helplessly was becoming melancholic instead of just sad to the man holding you. if only mark could get into your merciless head just how he would never be able to hate you, not in a million years, not when there was so much love, desire and adoration intrinsic to the image he had of you, then maybe that big gray cloud would disappear forever and the two of you could just live like he hoped for. all mark wanted was to have the privilege of loving you again.

“y/n, look at me” mark held the red and tear wet face of his beloved girl with kindness while his tone of voice was filled with all the firmness the moment could ask for. “for christ’s sake, y/n, i love you. i could never hate you. dude, really, for once just keep your head out of this and focus on what i’m telling you right now. i love you and this whole time i was thinking of you. only you.”

even if he knew you wouldn't answer anything for a few seconds, or maybe even minutes, mark just allowed a sweet smile to appear on his lips while he delighted himself with the feeling of being allowed to hold your face once again, to stroke your cheeks and to place small, delicate kisses all over your beautiful face — which he knew would force your breathing to slow down, giving you the chance to calm down again. the canadian was smelling like the combination of weed and beer, but somehow, your body knew how to identify the familiar and characteristic smell of his cologne; the same smell your searched for and ached for during the coldest nights, when missing him was too overwhelming it almost felt like a hole was being digged up in your chest. that familiarity was the reason for the shy smile that took over your lips, that opened a breach for light and happiness after all those tears while mark traced your lips with his thumb, admiring you like you were some kind of artwork created just for him.

“i was made to stay just like this with you, princess. and i’m not leaving this time.”

[jaylver]

BABY CAME HOME — L.HS

synopsis: never trust a man who keeps your heart at bay. especially when it was your brother's best friend.

genre: situationship, brother's best friend, (heavy) angst

warning(s): profanities, hee being a dickhead (sorry :( he's an actual sweetheart irl)

wc: 1k

a/n: inspired by the neighbourhood’s song! drop a feedback like always! it'll help a lot <3 enjoy!

masterlist | © jaylver all rights reserved. 

Mistakes.

Mistakes were the death of you, it was your downfall, and you knew starting something with your brother's best friend was one too.

Lee Heeseung. 

The person you grew up seeing come in and out of your house from time to time. Watching him grow as you did too, going from the innocent looking boy to an attractive man in a blink of an eye. You would be lying if you said he had no effect on you. What mattered most to you was him remaining the same despite looking different physically. He was the same sweetheart with a charming personality.

How it started was complicated. Meeting at a party without your brother, Sunghoon, was actually the first mistake. You didn't expect to make out with Heeseung by the end of the night and let him sneak into your room through the window.

It was all fun and games, seeing each other behind your brother's back, passing glances and knowing looks, having inside jokes no one would understand. Knowing every inch of one another's bodies, where your favourite mole was, the spot of his birthmark even his friends didn't know. The unspoken intimacy you shared was something else.

Yet, none of you placed a label on whatever you had together. At first, you thought that was a great idea, no labels to stress you out, but now? Boy, you were overthinking about the relationship—situationship, actually—you both shared. 

On one of those nights where he stayed over in your room, next to you, lights low and only the television playing in the back, you decided to speak your mind. "What are we?" 

Those words were probably like spikes to him, something he wasn't ready to face or answer. He slowly sat up, his eyes unreadable. "What do you mean?"

"What?" You sat up as well, eyes flickering. "Us? Am I just a friend to you? Sunghoon's little sister that you can play around?"

"No!" He said immediately, jaw clenching. "God, Y/N, if I knew how difficult you would become, I wouldn't have started this,"

You stilled at his words, wondering if your ears had failed you or whether this was all a trick, but it wasn't. "I was a mistake, wasn't I?"

Heeseung seemed to realise what he had said, wanting to take it back but couldn't even bear to utter a word once he saw the look on your face. 

"Just … just don't say anything, leave."

That night faded into many restless nights after. You didn't know how he was doing, he could be feeling nothing and you wouldn't know either. But the worst doesn't stop there. Your cousin's wedding was nearing, Heeseung who happened to be his friend, promised to come and be your date, yet the timing just had to fuck with you.

Sunghoon somehow noticed the drop in your emotions, occasionally checking up on you, each time you could only brush him off and say you were fine. What could you do? Say you were hooking up with his best mate behind his back? That's basically a death sentence.

Being dolled up and dressed in some expensive dress, you found yourself waiting in the middle of your house's living room for the others, basking in the quietness of your surroundings. That was soon broken by the sound of the door closing, attracting your attention and having you turn your head.

Heeseung.

Black tie, clean suit, making his way in awkwardly and rather stiffly. Maybe it was from the emptiness because once his dark irises landed on your figure, he stopped in his tracks.

"Y/N?"

Why did you let him say your name still? Why couldn't you erase him from your head? Why couldn't he just be yours?

You said nothing, watching him get closer and eventually standing a few feet away from you, a coffee table separating you and him. The silence was thick enough to be sliced through, basically suffocating you to the point where you couldn't breathe.

"Well, don't you stand in front of me and wait for me to talk," you mumbled, looking anyway but at him.

"I was hoping we could talk,"

"You could've called me up—" you knew the moment if you saw his caller ID, you would've picked it up in a heartbeat, and that was the worst part, "—the phone works two ways, you know?"

"I know," He said softly, something in his eyes were begging and desperate, but his face was much more impassive. He was trying to keep his cool, but he was equally crumbling internally.

When you said nothing, he continued on, the silence from you was loud, and it was clear, clear enough to convey that you were mad, in despair, and definitely on the verge of ending you and his 'relationship'.

"Y/N, we can't just end it like this,"

"End it like what?" You choked out, heart straining against your chest. "There was nothing between us in the first place. You made it clear," you swallowed down a sob. "There was never an 'us', it was only a 'you' and 'I',"

"No, no …"

You shook your head, tears overflowing and eventually cascaded down your cheeks. Gosh, you were a mess. "I can't just continue sneaking around my brother's back just for you, doing everything just for me to not be anything to you—"

"You are something to me!"

"Oh, right? Yet you couldn't even accept the idea of us being together when I asked you that question the other night," you blinked harder, remembering the disappointment and annoyance in his expressions. "I think it says a lot,"

"I'm sorry—"

"Don't, d–don't, don't say anything," you backed away slowly, by now your makeup probably ruined and you were too much of a mess for the wedding. "Go find some other girl to toy around with, Hee."

You couldn't stand it anymore. Nausea, anger and sadness overwhelmed your senses. The tears in your eyes blurred your vision as you tried to run up the stairs, accidentally knocking into Sunghoon without even realising.

The slam of your bedroom door indicated that you weren't coming back out for the rest of the night. Sunghoon was curious as he descended the stairs, but when he saw Heeseung standing there, head in his hands and a frown etched deep, he knew, he always did anyway.

There was no way you could come back from this broken heart. 

( © jaylver all rights reserved. do NOT copy, plagiarise or edit my work and repost whatsoever. once discovered will be exposed and blacklisted. )

[hope-you-brought-kneepads-bitch]

Villain attraction

Summary: You and Wanda are in a relationship sort of? Anyway you're also a villain who Wanda should definitely not be an relationship or situationship with

Warnings: Minors DNI, 18+ nothing major, neck kissing, slight angst and an angry Natasha

Words: 1,440

A/N: Not proof-read but I really like it so hopefully you all will too :)

Bold Italics-Venom talking

Main masterlist

“What a pretty witch you are when you’re not fighting me” you spoke against her neck as your body pressed hers against the wall “how long do we have to act professional? I just wanna put a collar on you and make you mine forever"

You growled against her neck when she refused to answer "answer me Wanda"

"I don't know why I keep coming back" she whispered just enough for you to hear and you pushed away from her turning around "why do you have to ruin our time together?"

She pushed herself off of the wall too standing behind you and rubbing her hands along your back "I don't like fighting with you baby"

You tensed turning around to her again "you know I don't like being called that" you said sternly and Wanda leaned and kissed you softly "I know but if I say it enough maybe you'll finally either let me stay or tell me to go"

You sighed "god Wanda why can't you just let me be me? And stop being so dramatic"

"Be what? A villain? You don't need to kill to feel something" Wanda argued but you just rolled your eyes

"I like being a villain, I like seeing pain in the person's eyes as I take their pathetic little life away from them" your voice hardened and your eyes turned white indicating Venom being at the front now "what good is being a hero when people just judge and blame you for things, when you're a villain people fear you, they don't judge, they just fear you"

By this point Venom had overtaken your entire body and was towering over the witch "Venom, bring Y/n back now" she asked calmly

They growled smiling wide and letting their tongue lull out not answering her

"Fine, when you decide to grow up call me" she turned around leaving the room you had pushed her into only an hour ago

"She is being slightly dramatic I feel"

Venom spoke up and you agreed pulling a cigarette out of your pocket lighting it up and taking a drag "she'll come back, she always does"

*************************************************************

"Wanda what happened?" Nat asked when the redhead stormed through the compound ignoring Tony's stupid questions and she went straight to her room, luckily before she slammed it shut Nat had managed to slip through

"Nat get out!" She yelled but the Russian was used to this, every few days Wanda would come back to the compound sad or angry, sometimes with a few hickeys littered on her neck and every time Nat was there to make sure she was okay

"Wanda what happened this time?" She sat on the bed with Wanda "I keep going back to someone who won't change for me, she's just so stubborn"

"Who is it?" It was a simple question from Nat but Wanda couldn't bring herself to tell her your name, you were a villain after all

"She's someone who's just lost me" Nat nodded and kissed her forehead reassuringly "I'll bring you some food and we can in here together yeah?"

She nodded and Nat smiled as she left the room when Wanda sighed "why do I fall for emotional unavailable women?"

******************************************************************

"It's been 2 weeks"

"Maybe she is busy"

You stood up from your seat and walked to the window looking at over the avenger's tower "she's sat in her room reading"

Venom peeked their head out of your body looking through the window as well "how about we go and see her?"

You shrugged "if she doesn't want to see us then I won't force her" you watched as the witch started getting changed for bed and sighed "but god she does look good, maybe a little visit won't hurt"

***********************************************************

Wanda was just about to get in bed when she heard your voice "you know princess it's not safe when you leave your curtains undone, anyone could see you changing and stare at your delicious body"

"Y/n? What the hell are you doing here?" Wanda tried not raising her voice so no one heard her but she couldn't keep her anger at bay so she slapped you across the face making you laugh "oh honey, you are cute"

Pushing her against her wall you wrapped your hand around her throat squeezing a little "why haven't come to see me? We both missed you, Venom missed their plaything"

you let go of Wanda's neck instead stroking your fingers along her body "answer me princess"

"I can't keep running to you when you don't want me"

"I do want you!" You shouted and slammed your fist against the wall next to her head making her jump "you belong to me Wanda, I want you with me in my bed, by my side and even next to me when I kill, you're just so fucking stubborn that you refuse to accept you want to actually be with me, you don't have to leave when we fuck but you decide to leave first"

You leant your head in her neck kissing her there making her sigh "you really want me?" She asked just above a whisper and you nodded "yes Wanda, be with me, come home with me"

Before she could answer you, you both stilled as a gun was pressed against your head and you smirked knowing exactly who it was "Natalia Romanoff, what a pleasant surprise"

"I'm going to give you 5 seconds to pull away from Wanda and leave the way you came" she cocked the gun against your head and you just chuckled "Nat I know it's been a while but I've still got Venom in me, they would've healed me faster than you could get another bullet in that gun"

Nat sighed knowing you were right but she refused to move the gun "why are you here?"

You smiled against Wanda's neck "did you not tell her princess?"

You felt Wanda's heart rate quicken and you knew right away that Nat didn't know who you were to Wanda, which was quite fair "did you not tell Natalia here that I've had you in my bed? Not told her I've fucked you after a fight with the Avengers? A shame really my love I've told all of my friends"

You felt the barrel of the gun hit you hard and all you did was roll your eyes "thanks Nat, now I'll have a headache for the rest of the day"

You removed yourself from Wanda and turned around finally eyeing up the redhead "you look good in a sport's bra and sweatpants, maybe later after I've had Wanda I can take you for a spin"

You felt Wanda jab you in the back "oh? Jealous are we? I thought you thought I didn't want you"

The jabbing stopped and you chuckled "see, you just can't make up your mind" you drew your attention back to Nat "as for you my angry little assassin, do you want to take me up on my offer?"

"No and you need to leave Wanda alone" she said sternly and you pretended to think about her question that wasn't actually a question "hmm no I like marking Wanda's body with hickeys and knife marks"

"Leave Y/n"

You pouted but reached your hand out to pat her cheek "okay Natty I can see you're still a little upset I didn't chose you"

You left out of the window sparing a last glance to Wanda blowing her a kiss "think about my offer honey, I'll be waiting and you know where the find me"

A few moments silence after you left made Wanda nervous and just as she was about to speak Nat spoke first "what the fuck Wanda? The enemy really?"

Wanda looked down to the ground "I didn't know she was a villain when we first started"

Nat was perplexed, "but you still continued to fuck her? Don't be stupid Wanda!"

"Hey! She's really good in bed!"

Nat rolled her eyes "that's a really fucking stupid reason to keep sleeping with a villain"

"She wanted me to go with her..."

Nat sat down on the bed watching Wanda as she played with her hands "and what do you want to do?"

Wanda shrugged "I think I do want to be with her"

************************************************************

"I think that was quite successful"

You agreed pouring yourself some whiskey and sitting in the front room eyeing the door

"What are we doing?"

"Waiting for Wanda" you simply replied

"You know she is coming back?"

You smirked "oh yeah she's definitely coming, give her a few hours Venom"

"Okay, I miss her already"

[lovelyladyabsinthewrites]

Pairing(s): Billy Butcher x Reader, Logan Howlett x Reader, Billy Butcher x Reader x Logan Howlett, slight!Billy Butcher x Becca Butcher

Warnings: this dynamic has just been on my mind, i have lsfav to finish but damn do i keep getting inspiration for billy butcher and logan<3, cheating, previous relationships mentioned, lets say this takes place in the beginning of the boys season 2?, brief deadpool cameo, jealousy, situationship, friends with benefits, crossover, the boys x marvel, soldier girl!au tidbit, yes i named it after a mean girls musical song

His grip tightens on the nape of your neck, Butcher takes another inhale and grimaces to himself.

He pulls away from you. Those dark eyes that usually shine with affection toward you were void of any life, a black chasm drilling into you. Hurt knits his brows together and set his lips into a deep grimace.

You knew his fingers were tightening as his hand shook but you couldn't feel the pressure.

"Who is he?"

Fuck

Why of all days did he decide to pay you attention? Lately he'd been in such a piss mood because Logan (aka your fuckbuddy) had been evading him for a while now. Also annoying how another supe known as Deadpool was helping Logan escape every time Butcher came relatively close.

You'd come up with excuses as to why you couldn't help out in capturing him.

Unconciously you sniff at your hair and internally curse Logan for constantly smothering his face in your hair. His signature scent of whiskey, cedar and dare you say even a hint of cigar smoke.

With a simple shrug, you dislodge his hand from your throat and take a step back in observation of his rigid frame. You think of all the times you 'd been jealous of Becca. You knew it was petty of you. She was his wife after all. It didn't matter that you'd known him the longest or that he'd quite possibly been the love of your life when you were in our early twenties.

"We never discussed being exclusive, Butcher." you quietly remind him. Butcher didn't like that reply, his feelings evident in the snarl that curls his upper lip. He couldn't get mad at you. You were right.

Haughtily he stomps around you, heading for the door.

You sigh after he loudly slams the door. Hughie pokes his head out from an adjoining room. "That didn't sound good. . ."

Refusing to give into Butcher's tantrum, you fold your arms in front of your chest. "Just let him blow off steam. Either way. . . It's not like I'm his partner or anything. We fuck on occasion. That's it."

"Not to mention your previous relationship with him?" Hughie brings up. "He might still have genuine feelings for you. Maybe for him, its not just fucking. You know Butcher. He's too proud for his own good so of course he's not going to mention it if you don't-"

"Jesus Christ Hughie, be someone else's goddamn therapist!" Snapping you immediately regret it when Hughie's mouth presses into a thin line. "I'm sorry, Hughie. . ."

Talking about your feelings wasn't normal for you either. Soldier Boy thought emotions were for pussies. Even if he'd had a soft spot for his daughter, it made him uncomfortable whenever you talked about your feelings. He wasn't equipped to deal with that.

"No, it's my bad. I should stay out of it."

You run a hand through your hair. "Fuck, Hughie. . .I really didn't want to think that this would hurt him. Or maybe I did. . . Shit, did I just ruin everything?"

Logan wasn't someone permanent, both of you knew that. Trouble followed both you and Logan. Intersecting your lives would conclude with utter chaos. You really liked him though. Damn you say you were fond of Logan and his reserved nature. You'd come to appreciate waking up to his face that still possessed a hint of a scowl in his brows. Weary lines etched into his features were engrained in your memory.

Hughie gives a pause before inquiring "Is it someone we know? If it is, we should give them a heads up."

A shake of your head, you plop down on a chair that is barely held together by duct tape. Your stuck in your thoughts of Logan. His long sideburns that you liked to play with when you lay in his arms. You'd even got to know Wade and had taken to calling Logan 'Peanut' too. He'd definitely become more than a simple booty call. Logan slowly entwined his life with your's.

"No. Butcher will never find out who he is. I'm certain of it. But to be on the safe side. . . I'll have to call it quits for now. I just- He's so focused on finding where Becca is that I didn't think it would bother him if I was with someone else."

There's another chair across from you that Hughie takes up. "He loves you a lot. He's never stopped. He told me that even when he was married to Becca, he loved you. Its hard when you love two people at once. You don't intend for it to happen, but circumstances will it into existence."

Internally you chuckle. Hughie really should have concerned therapy as a profession or some sort of degree in psychology. Yet you suppose he was in the same situation as both you and Butcher. He was falling in love with Annie/Starlight but would always love Robin.

Reaching for your phone, you're already pulling up your texts with Logan (you had him saved as '🥜').

[ma1dita]

my love, mine, all mine

based on this drabble : mean!remus

words: 2.8k

summary: Sometimes is not enough for someone who loves Remus this much. 

warnings: mean!remus x fem!reader !!!! mentions of sex; much angst they both cry, a lot of kisses & a very open ending, situationship blues, remus is a self-deprecating piece of shit!! 

a/n: thank you for the request anon!  i watched the eras tour movie and thought of mean!remus and reader during ‘tolerate it’.... sooo don’t blame me for what you’re about to read. title is from a song by mitski <3 always down to flesh out mean!remus and lovely!reader more if yall want--feel free to send in more requests and comments <3

(posted & edited: 10/15/23)

—

Sometimes he lets you down easy. You’ve memorized his face by now, every minuscule detail and the way it hardens when he makes up his mind. Remus is very deep set in his ways, a creature of habit forced by the resolution of hiding in the nighttime, waiting for the darkness within himself to find him under the light of the full moon. You know the whisper of a smile that dances across his face when he sees you, the way a scar kisses his brow when you surprise him, the mechanical tightness of his jaw when he dissociates himself from your embrace.

There’s a particular way his eyes drop that resembles falling snow and it tells you that he’s about to let you down again, buried under him and his excuses. It’s heavy. You wonder how someone so gentle, so fragile can leave you feeling cold, but you bare yourself to him anyway, trudging through the hope that whatever is between you can be more than sometimes. You know him intimately, wholeheartedly. But does he know you? Sometimes is the keyword here, and yet it is tiring, all of the time.

Your breaking point had to have been something big, something explosive. It had to, or why else would this facade have lasted so long? Why did you let him? Perhaps it was when he kissed your neck after Potions, asking to meet up after dinner. He moved away before you could follow him out into the corridor and joined his friends instead. The boys looked back at you, wanting to wait but Remus kept walking on. Or maybe it was when you woke up in his bed again, his side cold and your clothes folded properly at the edge. Remus was propped against his desk, mumbling that he had a very busy day ahead, and the silence that followed was enough to make you leave. Always good enough to bed, but never wanted by morning. It’s best to act like he wasn’t the one who asked you to stay.

—

None of those moments ruined your perception of him though. It was the lightest feather touch of a reaction that shattered the glass. He was walking you back to your common room after prefect duties, and you squeezed his hand gently, swinging it back and forth.

“D’you want to study for midterms tomorrow in the library? We could try to get that little table in the corner you like…” you said nudging his shoulder. He sighed, and his breath was hot against the crisp winter air as it landed on your cheek. Remus’s silence was your answer, and of course, it hurt. You’d do anything for a half-assed utterance to fill the shrill noise of your hope filling the space between you right about now. But this time was different though. This time he truly didn’t care. Remus looked at you with dead eyes, his mind somewhere far from where you were standing with him.

“Not this time, lovely.” The boy was tired, and so were you. The physicality of it was apparent in the way his posture hung low, and the way your shoulders fell from the emotional avalanche that his lack of effort pushed down on you.

“It’s okay. I hope you get some rest then.” Your eyes study his face, gliding from the crinkle of his temples to the scar on his nose and the freckles across his cheeks. He grimaces at your response. You wonder if any part of him hurts like this too. 

“Will I see you before we leave for winter break? Maybe you have time during the holiday.” Remus speaks quietly as if he’s the one being inconvenienced.

“Maybe,” you say. He makes a noise in recognition of that, nodding with his eyes closed. Stepping away from him, you turn to walk away before he’s behind you, lips against your hair.

“M’sorry.” He mumbles, breathing you in like wafting amorentia. His hands are shuffling through his pocket before he pulls out the wool mittens his mother knit for him the year prior. 

“Shouldn’t let your pretty fingers freeze in the cold.” He puts them on you daintily snapping the buttons closed, his nose against your ear. The corridor is silent alongside the slow thud of your heart. You walk away wordlessly, shoulders pinched like a chill has traveled down your spine.

—

Remus doesn’t see much of you in the days before winter break. Between studying for exams and his monthly run-in with the moon, there isn’t much time to catch his breath. He knows the hold he has on your heart is a devastatingly gory scene. You’ve let him in deeply as he burrows in every fang and claw he has to offer you. And in turn, he takes what he can grab with his razor-sharp touch. He tries earnestly to be gentle but the more of you he caresses, the more blood he has to mop up. 

His fingers are tapping on his forearm methodically as he waits for you outside of Transfiguration. Sorting through his thoughts as he waits for the rest of the class to finish the exam, Remus’ mind always falls back to you. Love is difficult, like many other aspects of his life, you see. He knows he loves his parents and his friends, but it makes him uncomfortable, much like someone undergoing anaphylaxis, to be honest with you. To lay himself out vulnerably to someone like you…He’s worried he’ll scare you off.

Students trickle out of McGonagall’s classroom, and you step out with your friends in tow, babbling about the exam. The feeling crawls up his throat as he tries to say something, but air and any coherent thought escapes him. What he feels for you has been making him do that a lot lately.

“Hey lovely.” he blurts out, body turning as he pushes off the wall in an attempt to catch your eye. But you keep rambling with your friends, throwing an arm over your roommate as you hardly spare him a glance. It’s not until your group reaches the end of the corridor that you look back at him for half a second, lashes fluttering as you turn back to your friends. And his heart is growing desperate, swelling, sighing as you continue to walk away.

—

You left for winter break without saying goodbye. The letters that he made his owl Nougat deliver to your bedroom window almost every day had you running out of treats to give her when she’d try to nip you for sending her back emptyhanded. Poor thing is getting fat. 

Your mother is so intrigued by your behavior that one night as you feed your baby brother a spoonful of mashed potatoes, she asks you something you’ve been wondering yourself.

“Honey, do you have a boyfriend?” The silverware clinks against your plate as you contemplate the answer. How do you explain this to your mother? How do you explain him? Has he hurt you so much that you bare your soul to her in hopes that she’ll put her work away and listen? Yes, but you let him, the little voice in your head says, so the guilt inside you keeps your response prompt.

“I don’t think so,” you say, your lips drawn tightly. Your brother spits out some mash and it dribbles down his chubby cheek as he laughs at the sight of you making faces at him. 

“What a mess, darling. Best clean it up.” You watch your mother’s eyes flit across your face instead of his before she says no more and goes back to cutting into her roast chicken. The napkin across your lap is wiped across his tiny face as you swallow hard.

What a mess, indeed.

After washing the dishes and excusing yourself, you crawl into bed staring at the ceiling. The moonlight shines brightly, a beam of light reflecting on the pile of unopened letters on your nightstand. Turning towards the wall, you shut your eyes and try to fall asleep.

You dream of him often. And in your dreams, he’s always just a little bit out of reach, always running away as you trip over snow-covered cobblestone, arms extended toward him. Though these dreams plague you, the realization hits that dreaming of him is better than your reality. In your dreams, your love is still pure and untouched. When you close your eyes you let yourself be the girl who was hoping at the beginning of it all. 

—-

The day after Christmas a pair of tiny hands shake you awake. Your eyes shift open to see your three-year-old brother peering up at you, hands tangled in your duvet.

“Your fwend is outside,” he whispers almost comically loud as you rub the sleep from your eyelids.

“What?”

“Your fwend is outside. I saw him in the window. He looks cold, sissy.”

You scoop him in your arms, carrying him back into his room and tucking him under the covers before you shuffle out front, watching Remus lean against his beat-up car. Throwing your coat on, you walk down your driveway, meeting him in a flurry of hot breath and cautious smiles.

“You’re not Nougat,” you say, raising an eyebrow at him as you stop short at his feet, crossing your arms.

“She’s almost too fat to fly now. Thought I’d get a message to you myself.” he chuckles, and it makes you remember why you liked him in the first place.

“Fancy a ride?”

He props the door open for you, hand ghosting the curve of your back. As you step past him to take a seat, he pulls you in for a kiss. It makes your knees tremble, having deprived yourself of everything about him for the past few weeks. The kiss sucks you in deeper as you anchor yourself onto the nape of his neck, and he’s moaning into your mouth. You hope your little brother isn’t watching through the window.

He drives you around in silence, neither of you knowing what to say. The heat is on high as he finally stops at the park, and he looks over at you. This time last year, he taught you how to drive here, both of you anxious for two different reasons—you trying not to crash and him discerning if you like him back. You both had sex in the backseat after you got the hang of it, windows fogged up and steamy. 

“Did you read my letters?” he starts, and you sigh before the end of his question. “No,” you mutter, looking out the window.

“Hey…What’s on your mind?” His fingers pull at your chin for you to look back at him, and you jolt back like he hurt you. You lean forward, pressing your palms into your eyes, breathing hard. He’s looking at you like he knows what’s coming, but he still hopes it’s not true. A boy made from Hope and of hope, that’s all he is. But it hurts to hope though. It hurts to hope for more when he knows he’s pushed you past your limits.

“There’s only so much you can expect of me, Remus. I’m just not sure I can do this anymore,” you whisper.

“Do what?” His voice is desperate and he’s hoping you won’t end this, even though you’re well in your right to do so.

“This. Whatever this is. Sometimes it feels like we’re together, but I know we’re not, and um… I’ve lost the plot. You’ve cut me too deep, Remus.” Your bottom lip is trembling as you croak out the words feeling sorry for yourself.

Remus leans his head against the window, knuckles white as he clutches the steering wheel. He’s going to lose you, and he’s petrified. 

“Look, if this is because I haven’t spent time with you at sch–”

“It is. But not just that. There are many reasons,” you cut in, your head tilting as you look at him. “You don’t make time for me, you’re embarrassed to be seen with me half the time. You act like I’m your girlfriend and Remus, you lie, constantly. I can’t keep up with what you throw at me and it’s too much, okay? I’ve let you hurt me for too long.” You get through most of it without hiccupping, but he can’t do anything but watch as you wipe your tears away.

“Do you love me?” he pleads, and if he’s ruined it all by asking that, he can’t tell. His hands run through his hair and he thinks he’s ripped to you pieces at this point. The carnage of the truth sits in his passenger seat as you sit there motionless, staring out the windshield.

“That doesn’t make me yours, Remus. It never has. My love is mine. That’s the only thing you can’t take away from me.”

Remus chokes on a sob as he watches your resolve harden. The windows are fogging up and it’s getting hard for him to breathe.

“I’m so sorry…I just don’t even know how to tell you th—”

“That you have lycanthropy?” Somehow hearing it from your mouth doesn’t scare him. This confession and your candor makes the shame he’s carried with him all these years feel lighter.

“You can say it how it is, lovely. I’m a werewolf. I– The moon shows me who I really am. A monster. I-shouldn’t…I don’t want to hurt you any more than I already have.”

Your hand brushes against his cheek, pressing the tears into the indents of your fingertips as you wipe away his sorrow. He does hurt like you do. And you’d take it all away if you could. 

“A monster doesn’t worry about if they hurt people they love. You didn’t mean to hurt me, did you?”

He sniffs, wiping his nose with his sweater as he shakes his head. Both of you brush over the notion of love. There is a time and place for that, and it sure as hell isn’t right now. He’s being vulnerable to you for once, so you tell him what he needs to hear. 

“You’re not a monster, Remus. You have a big heart, and you’re wonderfully sweet, but sometimes your actions hurt. I know….everything about you. And from the reasons I can’t do this anymore, lycanthropy isn’t even in the top 10.” You lean towards him, noses touching.

“But I never said I regret it.”

You wish you could find better words to tell him he’s not as damned as he thinks he is. That anyone is deserving of love, especially him, but it’s hard to convince him that. Remus surges the small distance to meet your lips, and you can’t help but indulge, because if he’s damned then so are you, pulling him over the console as he sighs in relief. 

—-

Later, he drives you home, one hand on your thigh rubbing circles as you watch his side profile, less taut, but without a smile. The secret’s out, and there’s not much left to do but navigate the bloodbath. He hopes that he’s able to pick up the pieces and do you right. Remus pulls into your driveway and the car engine rumbles lowly as you sit, unmoving.

The door unlocks and he waits for you to make a move. Your hand glides over the door handle before you turn instead to look at him and his hand is extended towards you, a millimeter away from yours.

“I really am sorry. For treating you like shit.” he sighs.

“I know.” A smile graces your lips as you lean in and you kiss him again tenderly, once, then twice. It soothes the tightness of his jaw and he hopes you don’t hate him after all of this. The passenger door opens, and you climb out and look at the sky. It’s snowing. He watches you standing there, snowflakes sticking to your hair. 

“I do love you, Remus,” you admit, biting your lip. “Isn’t that the worst thing you’ve ever heard?” The laugh that follows is humorless, his eyes wide as you shut the door. Trudging your boots through the snow, a shiver wracks your body. You peek back at the car once you get in the house and give him a kind smile before you step in.

Remus sits there with the weight of your devotion. Brave in all aspects but love, he hopes you can wait a little longer for him to catch up. For now, his eyes fall to the passenger seat as he shifts the gear into reverse. His wool mittens occupy the seat. Your hands must be cold again.

—-

“Sometimes, home is not a home, but a claw lodged inside you. A river you step into because it holds light. You are waist deep, wading in what mauls you.”

-Athena Nassar

love me some tunes! i listened to this while writing: my love, mine, all mine by mitski & sleep tight by holly humberstone

taglist: @jsjcue

[st4rpiece]

secret attraction

SFW

characters: eustass kid x fem! reader summary: to stop killer and heat from teasing you about your crush on kid, you deflect by telling them that he was like a "brother" to you. CW: fluff, mutual pining, usage of nicknames (flower and baby), hopeless romantic kid, other: lowercase intended, not proofread, and pictures from pinterest

_____

you were currently in the kitchen of the Victoria Punk watching killer prepare tonight's dinner, while simultaneously listening to heat retell another one of their failed situationship's.

"i'll say it since you won't," you said pointing at killer, who is ironically avoiding your eyes "no sane person would fall for those words," you say this time pointing to heat.

"still that was 1000x better than kid’s," killer said. triggering a memory loop of all of kidd's many failed attempts at courting you, with the worst one ending in a cold war that surprisingly lasted two days.

"why are you saying it like you're surprised?" you said jokingly earning a chuckle from heat. “that's cause we are.”

"on a more serious note, flower, what do you think of kid?," killer asked "casually." he was aware of you and kidd's mutual attraction for each other. after listening to yet another one of kidd's rants about how dense you were he decided to help his captain out.

"of the captain? what about him?" you managed to ask calmly as if the question didn’t cause your heart to skip a heartbeat.

"what killer means is, do you like the captain?" heat asked bluntly. him and killer both analyzing your face for any sort of reaction.

"i mean, yeah i-i like him," you said with a slight nervousness in your tone.

“not as a captain, flower” killer reiterates “do you like him romantically?”

“w-what? no. no,” you were lying and with the way they were both looking at you, you knew they thought so too.

"really?" they asked simultaneously.

"yes, really. kid is like the cool older brother to me." you instantly regretted those words as they left your mouth.

he’s like a cool brother?!? who the hell says shit that about their crush?!?

at the same time, kid was making his way to his workshop when he happened to catch killer's words as he passed by the kitchen. his heart pounding against his chest as he stood still waiting for your answer.

cool older brother?

those were words kid never thought he'd hear, especially not out your mouth. he stood right by the door, unable to move. a wave of anger and frustration washed over him, cracking his usual confident demeanor. kid was never one to hide his emotions, so with a clenched fist, and a flared-up temper, he entered the kitchen.

"like a cool older brother?” he scoffed, “fuck! are you serious, flower?" kid’s voice was laced with irritation as his sudden presence shocked everyone in the room. "do i look like the fucking brotherly type to you?"

you had the quickest reaction time to his sudden appearance as you subconsciously tried to appease his anger by explaining yourself. "i didn't mean it like that, captain, it's just...”

kid scoffed. "whatever. if that's how you see me, then fine." he said, cutting you off before leaving the room.

the once light and comfortable atmosphere in the kitchen turned to a silent and dense one.

the following days after that, kdd was not hiding the foul mood that he was in, as he made it everyone's problem. with killer even pointing out that his already short temper, shortened (if that was even possible). kid was even more reckless now, throwing himself into constant battles, purposefully as he was trying to drown out the confusion and hurt that he felt.

he couldn't understand why you would say something like that, especially when he had been nothing but clear (as clear as kid could be) about his feelings. and yet you saw him as a “brother?" the word alone was enough to get him riled up. making whoever on the receiving end of his anger wish they weren’t.

one the fourth day of his tantrum (as killer called it), you approached him as he was working in his shop. you were expecting him to tell you to leave but no matter how upset he was at you, kid didn’t have it in him to turn you away. sulking or not, he would fulfill any request you had.

"what do you want?" he asked gruffly.

"we need to talk," you said firmly as you made your way to his workbench. "about what i said the other day."

kid motions you to sit on the chair not far from his bench. "whenever you’re ready flower." he says giving you his undivided attention.

despite his words, he was in a guarded stance (arm crossed with limited expression) causing your confidence to falter a bit. so instead of making eye contact like you had planned, you ended up staring at his coat while you spoke.

"when i said you were like a "cool older brother" to me, i wanted you to know that i just said that to get the boys off my back.” hearing this kid’s defensive stance loosened a bit.

which you took as a positive sign to continue, “i was also scared that you didn't feel the same way i did."

kid’s eyes widened, his previous anger no longer present as he made sense of your words. "wait, what? you mean...?"

"yes," you interrupted, your voice trembling ever so slightly. "i like you, captain. a lot actually. i just didn't want to take any chances in case you saw me as nothing more than just another subordinate."

kid felt a mixture of relief and disbelief at your words.

"just another subordinate?? oh baby, you are much more than that," his voice was so uncharacteristically low you almost missed his words.

he took a deep breath, his intense eyes locking onto yours. "flower, you make me feel things i didn't think were possible. i can't even go a day without thinking about you, and fuck! it drives me crazy."

stepping closer, he reaches out to grab your hand, his grip firm yet tender. "baby, i want to be yours in the same way i want you to be mine," he confesses, letting go of your hand and instead reaching out for your face with the same tenderness.

"i want to be the one who puts that sweet smile on your face." his calloused thumb brushing over your lips, with a softness in his touch. "i know i can be hot-headed, loud, and reckless so i hope you'd bear with me as i learn to make you feel as special as you make me feel."

the unexpected gentleness in his voice, the sincerity in his eyes, and the tenderness from his hands. the rough, fierce exterior you had always known seemed to melt away, revealing a vulnerable side of kid that you had never seen before.

as his words sank in, you felt a wave of emotions crash over you. tears swelled up in your eyes as you felt an overwhelming sense of relief from hearing his heartfelt confession.

his hands, still on your face, wiped away your tears as they fell. "these are happy tears," you manage to tell him in between your sobbing, earning a light chuckle.

"i hope so," he says, wrapping his hands around your waist and pulling you in for a passionate kiss.

_____

kid named his ship after the girl he loved, taking a part of her along with him on his journey. you can't convince me that he isn't the "gentle but only to my partner" kind of person. you just can't.

with that being said i hope you guys, gals, and pals enjoyed!!

[venuszn]

☆ : The Sun & Moon

Summary / Reader is hurting from the breakup between her and Bada.

Cw / Heavy angst, Avoidant and Anxious dynamic, Situationship, Emotional codependency, Bada is emotionally unavailable and is also hurting.

Authors note / I totally did not write this in one sitting to vent out the emotions I am feeling nope did not do that at all. Lol anyways I might be in my angst era this one was easy to write (it was therapy). Also, if you got the moon reference at the very end then yay. As usual you can always request and lmk what you think ! 💗

Wc / 1.3K words

Nobody prepared you for this. You did not prepare for this.

Of course, you have been here before. The situation, not being one of unfamiliarity, but you had hoped it would have evaded you for years to come or perhaps even forever. But yet, you find yourself at the very place you dread. The bottomless pit of the feeling named abandonment. You were truly and utterly alone.

How does one mourn the loss of a person still breathing ? Of a person still of flesh and blood. How does one attempt to manoeuvre this emotion and steer themselves onwards and upwards, out of the coldness of the darkness. Nobody prepared you for this.

You drag your feet out of bed, body heavy and thoughts accompanying. Bada should be beside you, but she is not. You look to the bed and you can almost see her laying there, fringe messily draped over her forehead as she would hold you from behind; her soft fingers gently tracing your skin as the both of you would lay there intertwined in body and heart. She always slept on the right and you on the left - that was how things were supposed to be. Now you wake up to nothing but the faint ghosts of what could have been.

You still sleep on the left.

As you gaze into the dirty mirror, a person you cannot recognise lazily gazes back. Her eyes empty but weeping with emotion. But no tears. Your eyes flicker to the toothbrush holder - yours stands in lonesome.

The irony if it all doesn't escape you - how does a person afraid of abandonment initiate the abandoning ? A person who is tired and at their breaking point.

You had always believed that Bada was the one. Nobody had ever made you feel the way she did. Nobody had understood you the way she did and with her you felt an unwavering sense of home - if she was the moon you were the sun.

But perhaps there’s a reason why the sun and the moon are long lost lovers, the beauty of their differences being the harmony that keeps them in balance, but forever doomed to chase the other to the ends of the earth.

You would have chased Bada to the ends of the earth. But would she have done the same for you ?

Despite how many times Bada tried to provide the reassurance you sought, insecurity remained at the back of your mind. You tried your hardest to be the sun for Bada. You saw how she was struggling, how there were times where she couldn't be emotionally present for you but you still shone your rays over her. Overshadowing your own troubles you gave her all of your light, hoping that she would soon start glowing.

But she didn’t.

The mourning had already begun.

As the days passed you felt Bada pulling further away. Your biggest fear. The moon can’t pull away from the sun, what would happen to the existing balance and harmony that they shared ?

“I’m sorry. I can’t give you a relationship right now. I’ve told you this.”

“I know.” You say as you sit on the bed, head down and playing with your fingers.

“So what should we do ?”

“I don’t know . . .” Bada never knew.

“I need you to make a decision, Bada. I’m here right now because I care about you a whole fucking lot. Probably a lot more than you care about me. How many times do we have this conversation a month ? You say you can’t give me a relationship and I say ‘It’s fine’ and I stay because you want me to stay and I want to stay. I don’t want to leave you.” You choke out, swallowing the lump rising in your throat.

Bada sighs and runs her long fingers through her hair in defeat. “And I don’t want to leave you either. But I also know that I'm not ready to give you a proper relationship. I want to treat you like you deserve to be treated. I want to do all of that and more for you but I just can’t - not right now.”

“So when ?”

“I don’t have the answer to that.”

“But you want me to stay ?”

“It’ll hurt like a bitch if you leave.”

“Then I'll stay.”

It was a vicious cycle. You and Bada were heavily dependent on the other - truly the sun and the moon.

A period of time passed where the both of you deluded yourselves into pretending that everything was fine - that you were not both teetering on the edge of gravity. A relationship but lacking the security. It was nothing but a ticking time bomb ready to implode.

Tick.

Gentle touches and hushed sounds. Innocent kisses and those filled with longing. You both continued the facade - ignoring the faint ticking sound of the inevitable in the background.

Tick.

Bada would lean down and eagerly kiss you - when asked.

She would wrap her arms around you, engulfing you in her comfortable embrace and give tender kisses to your forehead - when asked.

“Bada, why don't you kiss me first ?” You had asked one day, feeling the insecurity creep up once more.

“Oh, I’m not used to initiating affection. It’s not something I've done in the past but please don’t think I don’t want to kiss or touch you. I do - that's why I always do it when you ask.”

“Oh, alright.”

Tick.

You knew Bada, you knew she would never intentionally cause you pain. You understood her behaviour and tried your hardest to accommodate your differing personalities. You truly cared for her and so you stayed and stayed everytime.

Tick.

But just as all things began they must also come to an end.

What will happen once the sun stops shining ? How many aeons will it take till it finally gives up - till the fuel runs dry and it begins to die.

“Bada, if you don’t want to do this anymore we don’t have to . . .”

Bada had pulled further away that week and you were at a loss. You were exhausted.

“It’s not that. It’s not about you specifically. I’m just not okay right now, you know this. There’s a lot going on and I don't know when I'll be ok . . . This isn’t fair to you, I know.”

“I think we should end this.”

Your eyes don’t leave Bada’s face as you read her expression - nothing.

Maybe you had both come to terms with it.

“I’m sorry. I tried to be happy for you and tried to pretend that everything was okay - that we were okay.”

“We haven’t been okay for a while now. And I wasn’t happy either. But it's fine. One of us had to make the difficult decision that we had been avoiding so at least now it’s been made. I hope you can be happier now, Bada.”

“I didn’t want to disappoint you . . . I don’t know what else to say right now.”

“That's okay. You don't have to say anything more, I'll be going now.”

You had taken a few of your things from her place and left through the door, unsure of if you ever wanted to return to collect the rest of your belongings. Your heart had never ached like it did in that moment.

You were no longer the sun.

The reflection gazing back at you was not one of brightness and warmth. You were barren of warmth and light as you wondered if you should have confessed to the moon and complemented its beauty.

The words, accompanied with the rise of tears, fall from your lips and into the deadness of the air.

“The moon is beautiful, isn't it ?”

Tag list / @princhii , @lil-elliesgf , @wiselight @nimixe ! [OPEN]

[dropthedemiurge]

Boys Be Brave [EP.3] // Translation notes

Alright, I got prompted by @turndon100-blog @okiedokie2216 @lurkingshan and the ending of Ep.3 gave me hype boost so I'll try to write some clarification and translation for the scenes from my phone while I still remember everything xD Sorry if this is not going to be as well formatted as my other language posts tho...

Kiseob wants to prove to Jinwoo that he perfectly fits his entire "My ideal type" checklist and he lists all the things he nails. This might've been confusing to many in subs, but the thing is - 첫눈 (chot nun) in Korean can both mean "first sight" and "first snow". So Jinwoo immediately argues that Kiseob failed to achieve being perfect in all to-do points because Jinwoo hasn't fallen in love with him at first sight (as he mentions it in the beginning of the episode). But Kiseob confidently argues that no, there was no first snow this winter yet and shows the December article that says first snow is late this year and might only fall in January.

So technically Jinwoo can still fall in love with Kiseob at first snow and achieve perfect 10/10, therefore no failure yet! Poor Jinwoo can't argue with that logic... (That frustrated little jiggly stomping lmao)

This message also said that he better pay that credit back until Friday, otherwise there will be extra fee.

He said "Choi BalgEum. Look at me" (or focus on me) 🥺

눈치 없어 (nunchi opseo) is a phrase that literally means "have no sense" (it also was formed from 눈 - eyes, as I can guess), but it's used in the context of being perceptive (눈치 있어/nunchi isseo, having sense), feeling the subtext or nonverbal clues - and, well, the lack of it on the opposite, like being clueless.

So Balgeum actually means "Can't you see? Don't you understand the implications?"(of him holding Kiseob's hand) "I asked, don't you realize?" Stop following me around like a clueless fool" (he said that "having no sense" phrase 3 times in a row, who are you trying to fool here yourself, my guy lol)

Balgeum also curses twice at his piano not-friend-situationship. Here he says after asking to stop following him: "It's fucking embarrassing". Probably, the fact that he keeps showing up and asking to talk to him, but can also mean doing this while he obviously "has a boyfriend".

When they meet in evening, he also curses again "why the fuck do you keep appearing?" Balgeum is just definitely trying to hurt him as much as possible :(

This translation works but just to clarify - Kiseob says "Why do you often hide?". So he doesn't just ask why Jinwoo were still hiding under bed while he was talking to him, he was asking why Jinwoo was running away and hiding from him all the time (while he likes him).

"I hated you back then and I hate you now, that's why I run away."

And I just love the phrase 아니잖아... (anijanha) that he gets in response. Because it means "That's not true... (and you know it too)". There's literally a grammar point in Korean that lets you insist on something you know that the other person also should be aware of. So Balgeum angrily claims he ran away in the past and he runs away now because he hates Inho (I hope that's his name, forgive me if anything), and Inho counter argues that no, he doesn't hate him. And implies they both know it. That's why Balgeum resorts to less angry "Think whatever you want".

And the fact that even after this, Balgeum kept playing up his masquarade and saying he wants to vomit even thinking about that they had something, that he regrets it every day - no wonder Inho finally snaps and calls him an asshole/scum when he didn't use cursing before, unlike Balgeum, and so the i-dont-wanna-hurt-you-but-i-am-emotional "fight" begins.

But here we have a silver lining!

"- Meet me only three times... - I got it (what you want), so... (let go of me)"

알겠다 (al'getta) literally means "I know/I understand" but (going with my intuition) it's used naturally in cases that you understood the information you were given, received instructions and will follow them.

I'm not sure what Ep.4 will bring, but I won't be surprised if Balgeum and Inho actually will go to 3 dates because Balgeum sounded like he was giving in, after letting out his anger/fear/frustration/etc through wrestling with Inho. His final verdict for Inho pleading him to go on 3 dates with him is: "Let me go. I told you, I understand (your request and I will consider it most likely in a positive way)"

Here you go! These guys grow on me more and more with every episode. I am fascinated to see Jinwoo ditching his perfectly planned schedule, Kiseob finally refusing to follow where other people drag him, Inho fighting to make his love exist despite brutal rejections and punches, and Balgeum's carefully crafted defense walls breaking as he lets a glimmer of hope and love return to his life.

This show isn't deep at all, it's foolish and yet I'm starting to see layers and development and I'm intrigued where they all will go.

If you've got any other questions about this or previous episodes, let me know! (With timecodes preferrable)

[perrywrites]

yoo, thoughts on bllk boys who'd probably be in a 'die for you' (by the weeknd) coded relationship/situationship? 👁👁

Oh, that's definitely the Itoshi brothers' anthem. From the vibes I'm getting from a cursory lookover at the lyrics (I've heard the song before, just never paid attention to the lyrics before) correct me if I'm wrong about what they mean lmfao. Very much Sae, and also Rin - especially Rin. The emotional constipation and communication issues paired with that kind of intense and desperate love... Yeah, that's definitely Rin.

But let's start off with the 'colder' of the two - Sae. You just know that he's not going to give you enough in the relationship, especially in the start. Honestly, I think in terms of attachment styles (if you don't know about those, look them up and take the quiz! very fun and illuminating experience... lol), he's definitely very much on the avoidant end. He comes off as icy and distant in the start, impassive and bored, and although most of the angst would be dealt with before entering into a relationship with him (hopefully...) that doesn't mean things become that much better when you guys actually become official. Not in the beginning, at least. He's definitely softer, noticeably. He teases you with that trademark dry and sarcastic wit, bestows you with lingering touches, rare and precious smiles, but that's not enough. It's just not enough. At first, you cling to every crumb like a rain-soaked shirt to skin, desperate and lovesick for any ounce of affection, and his acknowledgment of you as his girlfriend sends you soaring. But of course, as a relationship starts progressing, one would want more, and it's no different in this case. Except, trying to ask a stubborn man like him for more is difficult, and eventually, tiring. It makes you feel crazy, trying to beg him for more than the bare minimum he offers. It's not necessarily so much so that he refuses to give you more, but more so that he thinks it's pointless. He doesn't see the point in complimenting you often (that would dilute their worth and effect, he would explain), or telling you that he likes you, I mean, you should know that, right? Otherwise he wouldn't be dating you in the first place. So when you start asking him for affection and for more of his time (to go on dates and whatnot... what? You knew he was a busy guy, stop asking to go out so often especially when you know the amount of precautions he'll have to take) and all of that, he starts feeling annoyed and cornered. You're asking for too much. What, do you want him to change for you? Is what he's giving you not enough? And before long, your need for affection is dismissed as neediness by him, and he declares you to be clingy and suffocating.

And we all know Sae doesn't hold back with his words, he's harsh and cold with what he believes to be true, and although he doesn't think he's being mean he totally IS mean when he coldly dismisses you as clingy and tells you that he wants an independent partner. And when your face crumbles like that, hurt visible now where it had been brewing subtly for weeks, if not months, Sae feels something that makes him feel even worse. Guilt? Yes, guilt. But he genuinely doesn't believe he's at fault for this, for expecting you to not be so dependent on him and expect him to be the kind of lovey dovey person he just isn't. And so when you ask him if he even cares about you, in that kind of pitiful broken voice, on the verge of tears - he snaps. He tells you if what he's doing for you isn't enough, you can leave him anytime and go to someone else. Of course, that's not what he really wants. What he's really hoping for is that you'll realize what you're asking for is stupid and childish, so you'll shut up about all of that and just accept what he's giving you. And you do, you shut up. And you're quieter after that, not as affectionate anymore, withdrawing into yourself. And although he felt relieved in the beginning, soon enough your weird behaviour starts making him antsy. At first, you don't message him that much after that argument, and then soon enough, you're not messaging him first anyways. He's the one starting all of your conversations (and he realizes, then, that until then you had been the one initiating most of the conversations), and although you respond, they get drier and drier with each passing day. And now you're the busy one, and he finds himself doing the chasing - albeit subtly - for your affection and attention. He finds himself doing the exact things you were asking for back then, but it's like you're completely unaffected by it, numb to it, and he realizes with a kind of late desperation that he's losing you. And he doesn't want that - but at the same time, he doesn't know what to do anymore. I mean, isn't he doing what you asked for then? He's doing that, so what else can he do? He can't be vulnerable, so he doesn't know how to ask - beg - you to stay when he can feel you slipping through his fingers. And it kills him, to watch you grow cold towards him like this, as all he can do is seem impassive to it when he is anything but.

After all, don't you know? He might not know how to tell you that he loves you, but he would die for you. So don't just leave him like this.

Now, Rin... He's an interesting case, and he's definitely more attuned with his emotions (uhm... in a slightly twisted kind of way...) and more capable of being vulnerable than his brother (ISTJ!Sae VS INTJ!Rin). So he's definitely more introspective and willing to communicate, and if you tell him you need something/want more, he's willing to accommodate you (saying that like he wouldn't like giving you the affection you want, because he loves every part of it - although he would never admit that. Fucking embarrassing as shit) and listen to your feedback, honestly. He's even fine with a certain extent of behaviour that is very clearly and outrightly clingy or needy (in fact, considering Rin's abandonment issues and loneliness, it would soothe a large part of him even if he's a bit troubled by it in the beginning, in contrast to Sae where it would make him largely uncomfortable - at least at first. The way the two would approach affection they're not used to is very fascinating especially with the whole younger and older sibling difference - Rin wouldn't know how to react at first, but he would definitely love and crave it, since he did receive it in his childhood from Sae. Sae would probably feel more uncomfortable with it, and I feel like he's more of a giver anyways, even if he's not doing a whole lotta giving in the sense that you would want him to 💀💀💀). That's until it interferes with his soccer, though. Although I believe Rin is the type of person who would pick his partner over soccer any day if he had to, that would come after a bit of dating/a while of him being in love with you tbh. But anyways, getting back on topic.

This happy too-good-to-be situation can only work so long as you're communicative as well, though. Because as honest as Rin tends to be, blushing and glaring at you as he calls you an idiot comes more naturally to him than 'I love you's. So if you want something and you're unable to tell him, things are going to go sour quick. He's not a mind reader, so as much as he's able to pick up on your moods and so on, he doesn't know what's going on in your mind. So if you want more affection, want him to hug you and kiss you more, express his love for you more, want to go on more dates, tell him. If you don't he's not going to know that. And although he's constantly trying on his own, scheduling movie nights, inviting you out to places he thinks you'd like, holding your hand in public because that's about the only kind of PDA he's comfortable with, if you need something more, you need to tell him. If you feel lonely sometimes because he doesn't respond to you much on days with practice, that his responses end up being more dry on those days, that you want to see him more often, then tell him. Otherwise, things are going to start crumbling. Good for you, though, because Itoshi Rin is not the kind of man that goes down without a fight. If he notices you're not telling him something, as much as he'll be annoyed at that, he'll push that aside in favour of trying to get you to open up to him - after all, don't you know? How soft he is for you? He might not be all that delicate about it, but he'll try to probe and get you to communicate with him - and although he seems relatively calm and collected, you don't understand how anxious he feels, how scared he is that everything could fall apart like this. Don't you know? He'd die for you, if he had to. So stop it, don't put him through this, please. You're crying now, and it feels like his heart is being ripped apart, and all he can do is hold you gently, like you're so fragile, like what the two of you have is so fragile, and run his fingers through your hair as he calms you down. It's okay, it's going to be okay. You two can work this out - no, will, work this out. Because this has to work out, and he's not giving up without a fight. He's in your corner, he's your pillar, don't you know that? So just tell him what's wrong already, dammit. And when you open up to him about all of your worries and insecurities, that you're scared you're a burden to him and his career, or that you're a bother to him, or whatever trash you're spewing, all he does is hoarsely call you an idiot and hug you even tighter. He assures you how untrue all of your insecurities are, but he knows that's not enough, so he promises to do whatever he can to prove to you how wrong your own mind is. After all, you're unbearably precious to him. He's already so attached to you, it's too late. Whatever you need, he'll give it to you, so please, just don't leave him.

Honorary mentions; post-wildcard Kunigami, and Barou.

Post-wildcard Kunigami definitely has intimacy issues, and he'll be closed off and mentally retreat inside, making him distant in your relationship (even though he loves you so much).

Barou would be similar to Sae here, except he'd be a lot more gruff and blunt about it, although tbh if it's something he's not necessarily against (like PDA - no way in hell are you convincing him to do PDA unless you're, like, to the point of engaged or something, and even then only a little bit) you could convince him if you can make him see your point.