#i hate being this way
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If you hate ZTD you should just shut up and not talk about it :) You would be much happier and you wouldn't piss off us who do love it
#zero escape#zero time dilemma#i'm really salty i know i'm sorry#i hate being this way#i just hate that there's no way to enjoy the things i love with other people#without encountering nasty opinions that ruin my day
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the one good thing about having amnesia is i can read my own fan fics for the first time
#i can barely hold onto a narrative#so i haven’t been reading a lot of fics#but yeeeeaaaah im slowly realizing i lost more than just a few memories#i barely remember writing some of these things#they’re good though lol#gonna toot my own horn#but moots i see you guys posting fics and believe me im hoarding them all until i can actually make sense of them#sulley speaks#fan fic talk#i hate being this way#im still so incredibly dizzy#if i so much as turn in bed#the world is spinning for an entire minute#I feel stupid#and i feel like every one i talk to knows
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I’m so repulsive to Everyone I know everyone would just love Me better if I had a cock nobody loves me for who I am they all want me to be someone I’m not and I can’t fucking change that I can take hormones and everything but it still won’t change the fact I won’t have a dick I wish I could fucking Die I am so unlovable and ugly to everyone I hate my self I hate myself so fucking much I wish I was a man I wish I was a fucking man I hate this so fucking much I hate my fucking body I hate my genitals I hate myself I hate myself I wish that I Could just be a fucking man
#dysfunctionalvent#ventblr#heavy heavy dysphoria trigger warning#tw dysphoria#dysphoria tw#I’m so fucking hideous#bottom dysphoria#I need to fucking end my life#I hate being this way#I’m so fucking depressed I fucking hate this shit#I’m so disgusting
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making myself as small as possible in all the ways I can but the one way I can't is the way people want me to
#beeep#i hate. my illness#i hate being a burden and i hate constantly being judged for being a burden and arughghh#and i wanna die and i hate it here and h#yonow i think that although living with my parents is bad for my mental health it is nowhere near as bad as with my brother#and the problem is that the way i cant is a super understandable one to want i just!!!!!!!!! cant#i hate being this way
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So, I was watching tua 3.04 and they really gave Diego and Allison so much to work with and do you know what they did with that potential? Absolutely nothing after this episode, which is heartbreaking.
Because as I mentioned I think Allison needed someone to talk to and Diego was in almost reverse situation with Stan (then it was Lila being pregnant for real). They could of had a really powerful story arc right there... and the writers were so close with this episode and the last scene in 3.03.
By acknowledging Allison someone to reach out to (besides Viktor) and then finding a new purpose... but ultimately proving too difficult to work. And maybe one conversation doesn't fix things, but also the fact that Diego tried and nothing came of it afterwards? The writers just... I'm a little frustrated because you can clearly see the wiser direction for Diego and Allison's arc as siblings. Maybe it could be Diego taking Allison's side later after in 3.07. It’s just tua explores so many sib relationships and this one always feels like the writers don't try hard enough.
And I would like to know why.
#myra rewatches tua3#tua negativity#also this set is gonna be anothet short one bc he's only in 6 scenes 😔#tua babe you're killing me... i love you but im disappointed in you.#i hate being this way#i want to love this season so much#you dont understand how badly I just want to enjoy this silly little show#it's not that deep blah blah blah#but i have been with this show since 2019 and it got me out of a really difficult time in my life#also tbh the 2nd half of this season is definitely better but only just be the 1st half wasnt great#and im working on these sets at a weird pace bc i have all these emotions and dont know where to go from here#random#tua#i say this with love </3#also i say this as a stan fjidkd
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I know it’s stupid and all in my head, but I seriously feel so left out of everything and I have so much trouble fitting in. I hate it.
#sad#not talking about anyone specific just venting#I hate being this way#I feel like everyone hates me even though it’s not true#i don’t belong anywhere
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‘a shy, socially anxious introvert’
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It really fucking sucks when it’s: “I’m too busy for you. I don’t have time for you.” Bc it’s never like that for me. Even w my piece of shit cheating ex bf, I made time even though it ended up being all for nothing. I would always make time for the person I love but I know I’m stupid so
#personal#vent#I love wasting my time and throwing away my own shit for others when I rly should not#I hate being this way#I hate seeing other people that I’ve sacrificed for chose to prioritize their own goals over me bc I should just be doing the same#instead of all that waste. idk.#it’s like no one can see or care about the things I’ve done for them and what I’ve willingly stupidly given up for them#what I sacrificed to spend time with them#when can I trust someone with all this love I give probably never bc I’m not interested in doing any of it anymore for anyone ever again.#it always just bites me in the ass and im left alone w my own mistakes I made willingly for others#I figured it would be worth it at some point for one person but#shows how little I actually know. shows how dumb I am and now im left to pick up the pieces of my own life alone always.
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I showered oh em gee
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well now i know what happens when i have a full ptsd attack while makingcandles
#i wish i was dead#i hate being this way#i hate how broken my mind is#i hate how i will never find a way to heal her#they killed my inner child#i wish i could just be normal#or at least go back to being blissfully unaware of what happened to me#i dont wanna be like this anymore
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There's something seriously wrong with me. Just went on the shortest date ever. My anxiety has been extremely high all day. The dude picks me up, and tries to go to a restaurant in my town and caused me to get so overwhelmed with anxiety. Then starts asking me why I'm on a dating site if I just push people away. At this point I'm crying so I told him to bring me home. And to top it off, he just called me insane and is continuing to ridicule me. Then said he wants to sleep with me. Wtf is wrong with people. I'm over it. I'm over life. I'm over people. I'm over being alone and I'm over being the way that I am. I hate who I am. I hate how I act. I hate not being able to talk about it. And I hate not being able to let people in. I hope y'all have a great weekend. It's a sad thing when I feel more connected to people on Tumblr than I do people I've met in real life. I just want to be like everyone else.
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Wanted to finish the next chapter of the lost pearl but my body had different plans. Got a migrane, stomach pain, leg pain was unbearable probably inflamed again. So I taped my feet to take the pressure on some areas off but I am so bruised up from whatever the fuck that the tape is now top of them and it is so uncomfortable 🙃 this day went from okay to fuck you real quick.
#i hate being this way#everythi ng hurts and i just wanna sleep#can someone knock me out please?#chronical illness#it is not gonna get better#sadly this is something that is only gonna get worse#but hey maybe tomorrow is an okay day again#i at least hope so
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VENT
Feeling drained out, just wanna stay in bed all day and listen to betrayus talk. I just wanna be my younger, carefree happier self again. I miss being a kid
#vent#betrayus#I hate being this way#overthinking sucks#i just wish i was different#I wanna be my kid self again
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pondscum of a day. and then again tomorrow and probably the day after
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I'm so fucking tired. Tw for the tags: death mention, SI mention, SH urge mention
#okay so like....#I'm just tired of being alive lmao#I'm tired of struggling all the time#I'm suicidal again which isnt fun. and its only borderline a passive way. its definitely in a “if i were to drop dead i wouldnt care” way#but also in a “hmmmm my brain wants me to make a plan” way and i hate it#i hate being this way#i hate feeling this way#i want to die. I'm tired. I'm not sleeping well anymore.#i also havent been in therapy for almost 2 months bc of insurance issues and wont be in therapy til after the new year but likr#idk if I'll make it? like I'm not planning on anything like dying but it feels impossibly far away#i also want to SH so fucking badly. I'm not going to#but damn do i want to#but also like whats the fucking point in it?#i also cant go in patient somewhere bc of no insurance#so I'll just die ig#idk#I'm also tired of being disabled. I'm tired of having this broken body.#my grandmother is dying. my cat is long dead. whats the fucking point of it all?#i havent been actively suicidal for a hot fucking minute. idk how to handle it anymore#personal#vent
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