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#i hate the idea that i could join a community and then be wrong or get 'fixed' and then be alone
redysetdare · 10 months
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Ig one of the reason I fear that an identity i may or may not have could be tied to trauma I've experiences is the fact that everyone saying you can heal from trauma. if i identify as something but it is tied to my trauma, then if i heal from my trauma what do I do? Do i lose that identity? do I find myself lost and alone again with no one who understands my experience? if I still have the identity even after I've "healed" then have i really healed at all?
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Watching the new @staff and @changes on tumblr who actually listen and respond to their userbase is so bizarre to see, because I feel like I've come full circle on the site.
I joined 10ish years ago (shortly post-Reichenbach, if that dates me) and that time was still solidly in the era of David Karp. Staff communicated but were overall seen as lovingly incompetent. Everyone used Missing E to fix all the problems, and then Xkit when Missing E stopped working, but nobody thought twice about it. We mostly just joked about how often they fiddled with the shade of background blue.
I remember the sale to Yahoo, and how it took a while to notice, but the site kind of just got worse. We got ads, which everyone hated. Changes were passed down from above with little to no fanfare. But staff was still there and making some effort to reach out to users; we got some of the best April Fools jokes in that era, like Coppy and Decision 2016 that showed that someone in there knew what users liked. Features like direct messaging and rebloggable asks and stacked posts were still coming through, even if the communication with users was opaque. Bots invaded every inch of the site. And then we got the porn ban, which snapped the site like a twig.
After Verizon bought tumblr, there were a few years where staff almost seemed to vanish, or did their best to hide what they were doing. I can't even remember the last few years of April Fools jokes, if they happened at all. Ads got bigger. Changes just happened and there was no way to tell if it was intentional or glitches. If they were intentional, they seemed almost malicious. Users started talking about shadowbans and tags getting wiped out and some posts not showing up in tags or searches and user deletions happening behind the scenes. Bots got worse and worse and less was done about them. If anything went wrong, there was no confidence that reaching out to support would do a thing. Staff was spoken about in posts with the same tone as Bezos or Google, just another tech giant slowly making our lives worse for the sake of squeezing another buck out of us and then selling us to the highest bidder. If nothing else, we could be proud of squeezing the resale value out of the site for them.
I don't know exactly what happened over the last year, if it was because of the sale to Automattic or other internal changes. But all of a sudden, staff started talking to us again. And we didn't fuckin trust em an inch, and rightly so. Changes got rolled out again, and we started complaining again, because we may have no power to make any web experience better so the least we can do is go down complaining.
But the things they started changing were... stuff we wanted? We got tag viewers, timestamps, dash customization, filtering that actually worked. Most new features get toggles so you can turn it off if you don't want it. Huh, we thought, that doesn't seem right. Ideas flopped like Post+, and god did we complain. But after we did... the features... changed? Staff started testing out the ideas that the users endorsed? Like tipping posts on a per-post basis to avoid copyright issues with fanworks and an ad-free subscription model? Huh, we said.
And the final nail in the coffin was that new iOS tag-copying "feature" that we all complained about to no end... that was actually a glitch. Not some coder's whim that got passed down and we just had to deal with it forever. Sorry, staff said, we'll get that fixed right away.
Huh, we said. Huh.
Aside from being an unexpected change for tumblr, it's making me realize how weird it feels in the internet as a whole to have some transparency and communication between site developers and the userbase. When I joined tumblr, forum culture and the heyday of the early creator-run internet were fresh memories. Staff who posted like users were common, and popular demand was the actual goal of web design. But now there is no social media where the developers speak directly to the users and incorporate real feedback into the changes they make. Algorithms drive everything, moderation happens silently, and it's impossible to tell what a human has laid eyes on. Decisions are made based on what can get the most eyes on sponsored ads and drive clicks. Social media is now Big Tech, driven by Big Money Decisions and ad space.
Having a staff who talks and listens to the userbase is a direct return to tumblr's roots and also the most jarring and noticeable jump back to Classic Internet that the rest of social media has long since abandoned.
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kingkatsuki · 3 months
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Anyway, while I was gone I was thinking of this stupid idea with Bakugou (as usual)
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Imagine your eighteenth birthday is when you find out who you’re bonded to, and this bond is created via telepathy. A connection opens between two souls, and you’re able to communicate with each other no matter where in the world you are. A connection that only becomes stronger as your relationship with your soulmate grows.
But of course, connections can be broken. The same way those dreamlike fantasies of meeting your perfect soulmate don’t always work— especially when your soulmate is Bakugou Katsuki.
The first time you try to communicate with him, he brushes you off. Telling you to “piss off”, that he doesn’t “need a fuckin’ soulmate”. It’s a time in his life that arguably he needs that connection with someone more than ever. But the feelings of inadequacy and inferiority he holds inside are at an all time high as he pushes everyone away, including you. Shutting the door on any hope you had of ever having a connection with him, of finding your soulmate.
You try again a few times after, watching all your friends develop their love and even meet their soulmates. Hating the green-eyed monster that appears when you realise how bitter you actually are— to be paired with someone that has no interest in you. Cursed to be one of the ones without a soulmate, to try and find a love with another broken person like you.
The conversations are always the same— his irritation for your very existence no match for the conversations you try to start. Making it abundantly clear to you that you’re a distraction, that he doesn’t have time for a soulmate. And yet amongst his complaining that you’ve opened the link at a bad moment, or that he doesn’t need you— he always answers.
So over time you find yourself starting to give up, wondering why you’ve wasted so much time on a man that clearly doesn’t want you. The connection going quiet as neither of you try to open the link.
Radio silence.
And what makes it worse, is your friends who have perfect connections pity you. One of the lost souls without a soulmate— which is why you’re prepared to join a special program. A program that can realign your connection— to tie your soul to another.
It’s unorthodox, an extreme measure that has an endless list of side-effects. You could end up with the more undesirable members of society, who’s connections have been severed before, or the ones that abuse the system for their own benefit— and if the second connection doesn’t work out you’re unable to claim a third. But craving that special bond with someone, picturing the perfect smiles and pickett fences it’s more than worth the risks. So you plan to do it— to sever your connection with your soulmate, and find a new one.
Someone who will actually love you.
But it isn’t until one night that you hear something at the back of your mind, barely a murmur as you shoot up in bed. Squinting as you try desperately to focus on the sound— another whimper. But you can’t seem to make out much else, as you realise that it’s the same connection that you thought was completely shattered all those years ago.
“Hello?” You feel almost stupid calling out, wondering if he even realised that you could hear him again— that you were there.
“Long time no talk, hah sweetheart?” He scoffs, a choked cough spills from his lips after as he winces in pain.
“You sound like shit— is that why you reconnected our bond at four am?”
“Must’ve called the wrong number, sweetheart.” He sneers, but you can almost hear the humour in his tone.
“Well luckily for you I’m going to break our bond.” You bite back as you’re met with silence on the other end, “So you won’t have to make the same mistake again.”
“You can do that?” He whispers.
“Yeah, they can reconnect me with someone else.” You murmur.
“They won’t be as good as me.” He manages to get out before another cough wracks through his body.
“I wouldn’t know, would I?” You scrunch your nose in irritation, “But at least they’ll want me.”
“Who said I don’t want you?”
It’s not until a month later that you find out the real reason he reconnected the bond that night. That it was the night that his heart stopped beating as he almost lost his life, his body shutting down as the only thing he could think to do was to call out for you.
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mythunderstorm · 7 months
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Maybe in another life | LN4
Lando Norris x fem!reader
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word count: 2,7k
summary: Lando cares about you. But it isn’t enough to fix what went wrong between you two.
warnings: fwb situation; unrequited feelings; both reader and Lando act like assholes at some point; Lando has mood swings like every two fucking seconds; reader has some serious fucking issues and needs to learn how to communicate; angst. just angst; not proofread
…i kinda hate this
masterlist
„Hello Darling“
You freeze, not thinking he'd find you out here. You wouldn't say you're avoiding Lando, but facing him wasn't something you wanted right now either.
You're sitting on a small hill in Monaco, watching the sea and how the waves are crashing against the shore. You needed a break, get some air and maybe forget that nasty feeling deep inside of you. You know your mind is playing tricks on you, but you can't help but notice that sour taste in your mouth whenever you think about it.
„How did you know I was gonna be here?“ you question him without looking at his face, keeping your gaze on the water and the setting sun in front of you.
„I knew because I'm tracking you, following you and watching you.... Kidding. I followed my gut. You okay there?“
Normally, you'd laugh at his stupid jokes. But right now you really weren't in the mood. You didn't know how to answer him, so you just kept silent.
Lando comes and sits down next to you. „Are you alright?“ He seems concerned.
„I'm okay“, you answer shortly without showing any emotions in your tone.
„You don't seem okay?“ He leans forward a bit and puts his hand on your shoulder. He tries to make eye contact with you.
„..I really wanna be alone right now.“
Lando moves his hand.
„I don't think that is the best idea. What happened? Did someone hurt you?“ He sounds genuinely concerned, almost like he is hurt by the thought of you being hurt.
You have no idea how to answer this. You couldn't exactly tell Lando that he's the reason you're feeling like this, even though he did nothing wrong. You weren't dating. He wasn't yours. He could flirt with and kiss whoever he wanted. Just because you guys had a friends with benefits going on didn't give you the right to be jealous. Because that's what you guys are. Friends. Nothing more.
„I'm fine, Lando. Go back to the party, alright?“
He moves so he is kneeling beside you. „I'm not going anywhere before I know that you are okay. You look like you're gonna cry any second, so please...“ He moves his hand on your shoulder again, gently caressing your neck.
„I'm fine. I'm not gonna cry and you don't have to worry.“ you answer while pulling away from his touch.
„I am not taking that as an answer. Look me in the eyes and tell me that everything is fine.“ Lando doesn't let you go and his tone of voice indicates that he means business.
You sign, turning to face him for the first time since he joined you out here. „Everything is fine.“
Lando doesn't seem convinced. „Really?“ He raises his eyebrows while still looking you dead in the eye.
„Yes. Now please go back inside.“
After a short pause, he says „no.“
„You won't fool me that easily. I can see it, the way you hide your pain behind a strong face. The way you talk. It's not fine and you know it.“
You take a deep breath, turning away from Lando yet again, concentrating on the water in front of you. „Even if something would be bothering me, which isn't the case, am I asking you to leave me alone. I just need some time to think through some stuff, okay?“
The boy notices that your voice has gotten a bit shakey and that it's hard for you to talk about it. „Hey hey.. no need to keep it all in. I can understand that you need some me-time but.. I want you to promise me one thing, okay?“ He waits for you to give him a response before moving on.
„..depends.“ Lando signs.
„Promise me that you won't do anything stupid. Promise me or else I won't go.“
„I promise. You don't have to worry about me.“
„I call bullshit.“ Lando leans in closer and places his face only a few centimeters away from yours. His expression seems a bit anxious and definitely worried. „Please just promise me.. and this time I want to hear it with your real voice. With your real emotion behind it, okay?“
„Lando.“
„Come on. Say it to me. I have to hear it coming from your heart. I need to hear you say it.“
You sign. „Just leave it alone, alright?“
„I'm not leaving you alone until you promise me.“ He seems really scared and worried about you. „Please..“
„I promise! I fucking promise but please...“ you're almost begging now, being in Landos presence is simply too much right now.
He sees that you're on the brink of crying now so he puts his hand on the back of your head and gently makes you lean against his chest so you are almost laying on him. „Hey hey.. it's okay.. it's gonna be alright.“ Lando tries to comfort you while stroking your hair and gently caressing your back.
You want to stay like this forever. Feeling Lando touch you, have him care about you. You want to snuggle closer to his body and act like all of this is real. Like you could really have a chance with him.
But you pull away. „Fuck Lando, why can't you understand that I don't want to see you right now“ you snap, regretting it a second after. He did nothing wrong, it's not his fault that you can't control your stupid feelings and he definitely doesn't deserve the way you're treating him at the moment.
Lando looks taken back by your sudden outburst. „Are you serious? I just wanted to make sure you're okay and now you treat me like this?“ He stands up, looking deeply disappointed and hurt.
„..i'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you. You didn't do anything wrong, it's just.. it's me.“
He takes his time with answering but does it with a cold and harsh voice „I tried to help you, I cared about you and I wanted to help you through your shitty moment. And you repay me by treating me like shit?“
You close your eyes, not knowing if you can control your feelings any longer. You're on the verge of crying and you'll do anything that he doesn't see it. „I'm sorry Lando.“
His facial expression goes from anger to sadness in a flick of a second. His face gets softer but he still looks devestated. Then he turns around and starts to walk away but before he disappears completely he stops and turns back. „Don't expect me to care next time.“
You should be glad. He finally did what you asked him, leaving you alone. But after hearing Landos last words it felt like you lost a part yourself. It felt like he didn't leave you for only tonight, it felt like he left you completely.
Maybe it's better this way. You never intended to fall in love with him, he was very clear at the beginning of your small arragement that the relationshit between you two was plainly physical. He would never return your feeings, so maybe it was better for him to rid you from his life for good.
Nonetheless, tears started to stream down your cheeks and you felt completely devastated. You couldn't control yourself as sobs and sniffling noises filled the quiet night. You just layed there and cried, while looking at the moon that was shining above the sea in front of you.
---
Slowly but surely the tears stopped falling, your eyes getting used to the darkness of the night. Suddenly you felt like you weren't alone, turning your head, only to spot that Lando is standing next to you again. He kept his distance, but he is there.
Quickly, you turned your head back. „..how long have you been here?“ you whisper into the night after a few minutes of silence.
„Long enough to see how pathetic you are.“ His tone sounds harsh again. Shaking his head in disappointment, he says „I shouldn't even waste my time with you. What's wrong with you anyway? Why are you getting so emotional when someone wants to make sure you're okay?“ It’s a low blow, being mean like that. But Lando tends to speak up before he can think things completely through.
„Then why did you come back, if you feel like this“ you answer, ignoring his questions.
He doesn't reply to you immediately, staying quiet for what seems like an eternity. „..'cause I care about you. And you know it.“ His eyes search your face and his voice is filled with emotion. He really wants to see your face.
„You shouldn't care for me. I don't deserve it.“
„Why shouldn't I care? I can decide for myself if you're worth it... which you are.“ He puts his hand on your chin, making you look at him. „Please just look at me.“
You sign. You know Lando is trying to help you but he deserves someone better. Someone who didn't break the only rule you guys had. To not fall in love. You're only a burden to him, you know it and he knows it aswell. He told you mere minutes ago that he shouldn't waste his time with you. So, as much as it hurts, you're gonna let him go.
„..i don't think we should see each other again.“
Lando seems hurt by your words, as his face gets more grim and he tries to control his emotions. He doesn't want to get angry again. „So that's it? We just stop everything, just like that..?“ After saying those words he looks away, but deep inside he hopes you would say something else... Anything.
But you only nod, not daring to look at him. Landos shoulders start to shake ever so slightly. „Are you okay with this decision? I mean.. You don't regret it or anything?“
„It doesn't matter what I think about this. You wanted something easy. Something physically. And I can't give that to you. Not anymore.“
He stays silent for a second or two before answering „Can I ask you something before it ends for real? Do you.. Do you regret a single minute with me?“
You look down while pressing your eyes shut, shaking you head. „No. Not a single moment.“
He sees your reaction and doesn't say anything for what seems like an eternity. His face seems devastated and his eyes are filled with sorrow. But suddenly, he seems a bit angry again. „Really? Because I'm beginning to regret not telling you to get lost in the first place.“
You're eyes are welling up again, you want to look away but for some reason you can't. „The only thing I regret is breaking the only rule you made me promise not to break. So yea, maybe you should have told me to 'get lost' from the beginning.“
Lando can't believe your words. His anger turns into pain. He puts a hand on top of his head as he tries to take in what you just said. There is a long pause before he finally mutters out a silent „You.. You love me?“
Turning away from him, it feels like someone stabbed you in the heart. That's it, you think. The end. „It was never my intention, okay? You told me from the beginning that this is only physical, that the only thing you want is for us to not fall in love. Saying that we wouldn't work out anyway. So fuck, yes, I fell in love with you, even though I promised you not to.“
His eyes become wet as tears form underneath his lids. After a long pause, in a hushed voice, he finally replies „How long?“
You let out a shuddered breath, being too much of a coward to answer him.
„Tell me. How long?“ He is really trying hard to keep his voice steady and calm.
„..6 month“ your voice is barely a whisper.
After hearing your words he doesn't get angry nor disppointed. He doesn't even cry anymore. All he feels is pain. „Why didn’t you tell me?“
„Isn’t that obvious?“ you let out a humorless laugh, while Lando takes a deep breath and closes his eyes for a moment.
„But please, at least tell me why you are telling me this now.. after everything... What's the point of telling me now?“ He sounds completely hurt and confused.
„Because I can’t keep pretending. I can’t keep pretending that it doesn’t hurt me whenever you leave my apartment late at night, that it doesn’t hurt me whenever you flirt with someone else, that it doesn’t hurt me to know that you will never love me back. So I‘m letting you go.“
He tries to speak but his voice catches in his throat.
„Don't.“ he mumbles. It takes a while until he starts speaking again. „Don't say that, please.“
He looks utterly desperate now. There is a huge lump in his throat and his eyes are completely filled with tears.
„..we can’t continue this. You know that Lando. We both want something from one another that we cannot provide. You want something without any feelings. But I‘m feeling too much.“
Shaking his head repeatedly, it’s almost like he doesn't believe the things you say, or like he doesn't know what to say anymore.
„I..I can..change. You are.. enough for me.“ He sounds like he is trying to talk himself into believing the things he just said, but deep down he knows it's not true.
„I love you..“ He now seems to have a little bit of hope in him, as if his words might change everything suddenly.
You meet his eyes, you really want to believe him. But you know it’s not the truth. „Don’t say something you don’t mean. Please.“ Your voice is just a shaky whisper.
The hope in his eyes quickly disappears as he looks at you. He only said what you wanted to hear, what your heart needed to hear, but he didn't even believe it himself. He is completely and utterly defeated now and he just looks at you with a hopeless and helpless look on his face. He does care about you. A lot. Besides the sex Lando would even go as far as calling you one of his best friends. But he knows it wouldn’t be fair to you to force you into staying in his life.
Slowly his head goes down and after a few seconds of silence he whispers a few words „Can... Can you hug me one last time?“
Tears are falling down your cheeks. This is it. This is the final goodbye. So you take a step towards him, circling your arms around his torso. You press yourself against him, taking in his scent for one last time.
„..maybe in another life we’re meant to be together“
Lando closes his eyes while feeling your body pressed against his. He can't believe that this is the end. After a few minutes he softly kisses your forhead and whispers into your ear:
„I will see you in another life, y/n.“
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jadeazora · 16 days
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Honestly tho, this is years off, probably more than a decade, but I hope just because we're getting a Kalosian Legends game, that they don't skimp out on giving Kalos an actually GOOD remake when the time comes.
Especially as far as Team Flare-centric characters go. They had the most potential as a villain team, and XY dropped the ball so bad with them, I would hate for a BDSP-esque remake to do the same. No joke, these guys were most of the reason I wanted Z back in Gen6.
Like, Lysandre is pretty much at the forefront of Kalos' tech and communication, and is a very influential person there, they could do something with Malva running cover-ups for Flare in the news media, the entire organization is probably full of politically powerful people given the wealth of their members (Kalos could be quite corrupt for all we know), they have this secret stranglehold on the region, and it's scary, like no one in Kalos really had any idea how fucked they were until it was (almost) too late. Even the Champion was likely completely in the dark, their strongest line of defense was a total no-show, even when the Ultimate Weapon had been raised.
We can definitely pin that on Malva tho, since she keeps all of Kalos in the dark with her job in the news media, and as a mole in the E4, she likely keeps any sensitive information from Diantha too. And she gets away with ALL OF IT. Diantha never even knows, like even as far as Masters, she doesn't seem to be aware of Malva's true allegiance. And Malva never shows any regret or anything for what she did, she tries to justify it. She's even actively hostile to the player for taking them down, and routinely threatens to burn them up where they stand. (And this is before she becomes an accessory to murder in Masters, like, this woman smiles as Lysandre prepares to have Volcanion flash-boil a couple Rocket grunts. What is wrong with her.)
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Even the grunts, they're essentially a genocidal secret police of elitist fuckheads who don't give a single flying shit about throwing everyone else under the bus so long as they survive, listening in on Holocaster conversations and having some implicit plainclothes agents (showcased more in Masters tho), and given how wealthy the organization is, it would be very easy for them to make problem people disappear. Imagine if they played up that paranoia factor they have, like, you're on their radar getting into battles with them and interfering with their plans on the regular, Lysandre calls you at multiple points (and definitely knows you're the one causing trouble before the player character finds out he's their leader), you're definitely not safe.
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Also, it would have been neat if Sycamore had been in on it too somehow, maybe a joint leadership with Lysandre or something with how he plays off the man's blatant bloodlust as just him being "passionate"? I was side-eyeing him my entire first playthru. But even tho that turned out to not be the case, it would have been cool if one of them tried to save the other, be it Lysandre kidnapping Sycamore to try to spare his friend from the culling, or Sycamore joining you on the front lines to try to talk some sense into his friend. It was such an interesting dynamic at the time, and it was always such a waste it barely got any development. (At least Masters and Evolutions have made steps to fix that complaint since, but still.)
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smileyerim · 2 years
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in hell there’s heaven
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He’s full of too many emotions he doesn’t know how to name, so he screams. To the owls hooting in the trees, to the moon, to God if He was listening. For the first time ever in his 25 years of living, Jaehyun has to come to terms with his emotions.
inspired by solo by frank ocean
pairing: jeong jaehyun x reader
genre: angst
length: 1k
warnings: adults smoking weed, mentions of cheating
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If Jaehyun could do anything in the world right now, he would go back to 3 days ago, slap himself in the face, and call you. He wants that more than he’s ever wanted anything in your relationship, but he didn’t do that.
3 days ago Jaehyun cheated on you. 3 hours ago the guilt hit him so hard he wanted to cry, an emotion he wasn’t particularly comfortable with expressing in front of you, when you told him you were so happy he was yours. Because, yes, that’s technically true, but 2 days and 21 hours ago Jaehyun was kissing the neck of another woman, whispering sweet nothings into her ear, and entering into her with far too much ease.
So 3 minutes ago he decided to tell you about his infidelity. Jaehyun never believed the “eyes are the window to the soul” bullshit until that exact moment when he saw in your eyes your heart breaking.
“I-I need a minute.” You say, walking away. You did that a lot. Insecurity built up from relationships past left you uneasy with the idea of expressing anger towards a partner. Even when you and Jaehyun fought you always conceded first, letting him win even if you were still hurt. Jaehyun knew this, and he always tried his hardest not to take advantage of it and you, always letting you know you had the space to be upset.
He didn’t say that this time, though. He knew he didn’t need to, that damn look in your eyes communicated it enough.
3 seconds of sitting alone on the couch, eyes glued to his shut bedroom door that you just locked yourself into to think, Jaehyun decides he can’t sit with these feelings.
So he doesn’t, in a manner that is just so him, he decides on taking the fresh pre-roll he bought from the dispensary earlier to share with you out to the balcony alone.
The old and derelict lawn chair squeaked concerningly as he sat down, but he doesn’t care. He takes the white lighter he bought himself as a bad luck charm out of his pocket and the joint up to his lips, flicking the lighter and burning his eyes at the flame. He takes a few puffs in, not inhaling, just to start the sweet burn. He blows softly on the cherry end to prevent it from canoeing before taking his first real drag, eyebrows scowling at the peppery taste. He hates this strain, but it was the only one that seemed to calm your anxiety, like truly mellow you out. So he sacrificed.
Jaehyun was famous at ignoring his emotions, bottling them up until they burst. No matter what he was truly feeling, he always expressed anger when he exploded. He lost a lot of relationships because of that, but you stayed, you always did. It takes a lot out of him to admit to himself that earlier today when he felt so upset he wanted to cry, he scared himself. Jaehyun doesn’t care about many things enough to want to cry over them, but suddenly at the prospect of hurting you his tear ducts sprung to life again. He thought they had shriveled up and died.
That’s one of the many things he guesses he gained from you, emotional freedom, assurance that he isn’t a waste of space and time, unconditional support in his dreams, and the gift of what he suspects is the love of his life.
He guesses that’s all gone now.
He’s torn away from his thoughts when the screen door to the balcony opens and you step out to join him. There’s a second chair out here but you don’t sit, standing and staring at your bare feet. He wants to tell you to go back inside and put on shoes before the ants bite you, but it feels like the wrong time so he doesn’t.
He chooses to just stare at you, your hair partially blocking your face as you look down still. He’s pretty stoned at this point, halfway through the joint.
He doesn’t know what to do, and time feels so very slow so he offers you the joint by moving his hand below your line of sight. He doesn’t imagine there’s a way you’ll say no to it, you know the scent. You must know it’s your favorite. You must know he bought it for you.
Unbeknownst to him, though, nothing can calm the anxiety you have right now.
“Jaehyun, I can’t do this.” You finally look at him, and the look in your eyes, those damn eyes and that damn look break his heart again. He doesn’t show it though, just pursing his lips and letting a frown settle.
“I-I can’t be with you anymore.”
He watches the tear roll down your cheek. He wants to scoff, but his heart is too broken. An unmistakable feeling of emptiness and regret fills him, a stinging pain that he tries to swallow down stays burning behind his sternum.
He’s broken. Fully, entirely, all encompassingly broken.
“Are you going to say anything?” You say.
And no, he wasn’t particularly planning on it. What is there to say? He fucked up, he knew it right after it happened and even a small part of him during it too, but there’s no going back.
He knows that not one word he could say that would convince you that he loves you more than he loves the freedom to do whatever he wants.
Now, though, he’s questioning which is a bigger priority to him.
You shake your head and scoff at him before turning, opening the screen door and leaving for the last time.
He’s full of too many emotions he doesn’t know how to name, so he screams. To the owls hooting in the trees, to the moon, to God if He was listening.
For the first time ever in his 25 years of living, Jaehyun had to come to terms with his emotions.
He fucking hated it, and he still loves you. That was the worst part.
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part 2 here <3
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five-bi-five-mind · 1 year
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Love! Could we get a jj x reader enemies to lovers fic😍
Pushing It
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: JJ x fem!reader
Words: 5.2k+
Genre: Fluff
Summary: JJ isn't the best at expressing how she feels and you're too competitive to notice there's something more to her actions.
Warnings: brief alcohol mentions, jealous and overprotective JJ.
A/N: I don't honestly know if this counts as enemies to lovers but I hope it does! Sorry for your wait, anon <3
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(gif not mine)
It was the dead of night when you finally arrived back at your hotel room. The stillness of the air mixed with the silence of the car ride back had you on edge and it really didn’t help that your current company had spent the entire car ride stewing in rage as she drove you both. JJ was absolutely fuming and you were the cause of it. Well, at least she blamed you for it. If anyone asked you, you’d disagree and say she was overreacting, like she usually did with you. 
It had only been a year since you started at the BAU as the new communications liaison and you were still learning. The whole team seemed to love you though and helped you every step of the way. The whole team, except one that is. One Jennifer Jareau to be exact. She was nice to you for maybe the first month or two, but then things started to change. She would be short with you, antagonize you, challenge you. Somehow, it always felt like you were doing something wrong.
You knew she had your job before she became a profiler, so at first you assumed she just felt a little reluctant to give up her old position. Maybe she felt some weird pride in how she did the job and was so set in her ways that she had a particular idea of how it should be done. So, however harsh she may have been, you would take her notes. But then, you started going out more with the team and any time she would be there she would be short with you and just as harsh. That made you quickly realize, it wasn’t the job you were doing that she hated, it was you. 
After a few months you asked a few people on the team to help get you in shape in case you were put in a few dangerous situations. You had heard stories about how JJ had been in her old position, you knew that even if your main job wasn’t to be in the field, there would be scary moments. Even Penelope Garcia had been in a few, and she was the tech person who mainly stayed at the BAU. So, when you started training you were grateful for Morgan and Prentiss to help you out. You’d go on morning jogs with Morgan, Prentiss would help you learn self defense, and even Hotch would help you with your aim so you could get signed off to carry a gun in the field if need be. You promised that part wasn’t necessary, but Hotchner insisted on it just in case. 
Months had passed after you started learning from all of the team, and training was going well. Your stamina was building from the morning jogs, your self defense skills were better, albeit you weren’t as fast, coordinated, or strong as the rest of the team, and your aim was improving. You couldn’t help, but feel a sense of pride with each passing day, but then she started joining in. It started with your morning jogs. Morgan’s excuse was that JJ asked and he insisted the more the merrier. Then it went to your self defense practice with Emily. Her excuse was that you could learn more from both of them together than just one alone. And finally, she joined you with Hotch. This time, JJ gave the excuse, saying she could use the extra practice herself. For some reason, you didn’t totally buy that.  
With each session with your three fellow coworkers, suddenly, all that newfound pride went down the drain. She picked apart your every move. You couldn’t match her speed when you were supposed to be doing a light jog, you couldn’t outsmart her when practicing self defense, and your aim was just a little too off for her liking. JJ made sure to make a comment or two every single time she watched you. What seemed to irk you even more was that no one else around you noticed. She tended to have the perfect timing to criticize you when everyone else wasn’t paying attention. For a brief moment, you thought about giving up. Saying no thank you to any more training, but then you decided that meant she won. What was the competition? You didn’t seem to know, but you had a feeling you were secretly in one with her. Why else would she challenge you so much? So you didn’t give up, you made it a personal goal to prove to her that you could succeed. You’d improve your endurance, your strength, your reflexes as much as you possibly could until she had nothing left to complain about. 
Unfortunately, you set that goal over four months ago. Instead of shutting her up, it seemed like she had even more to judge you for. 
Fast forward to present day and you and the team had a nasty case to deal with. A small town, horrific murders, a handful of crime scenes. One thing you knew about small towns is that word traveled fast, so getting a handle on media coverage was crucial. You were in the public eye frequently, you talked to countless people, and all eyes seemed to be on you. Since that was the case, and it seemed this unsub had no problems retaliating against law enforcement when they got too close, Hotch insisted on an extra set of eyes on you. Sure, you’ve been trying to improve to be a more capable member of the team, but it’s not like you went through the training or had the field experience that all of them did, so it made sense that they worried for you. However, much to your surprise, that extra protection came in the form of none other than Jennifer Jareau. 
To your surprise, when it came to protection over you she went all out. She refused to leave your side, even for a moment. That meant you spent every waking moment with her. The breaks you took from the case, the meals you had, hell she even insisted on sharing a hotel room “just in case.” You argued back and forth with her for a good hour about how a hotel room next to each other would be good enough, but there was really no arguing with her. That woman was the most stubborn person you’ve ever met. It was infuriating, but you found a small positive in having her looming over you. She was easy to piss off, and you made it a game to push her buttons. 
What you didn’t expect was to thoroughly piss her off one night during the case. If you thought she was difficult to deal with when she was mildly annoyed by you, it was nothing compared to her being visibly angered by you. 
The evening started out fine. The case had gone on a few days and it seemed the team was no closer to the unsub than the day you all arrived. What you all needed was to get to know the locals, get out into the community, ask around. So, you all had your tasks. You and JJ were to go to the local bar, your job was to ask around, get information, and gauge what the locals were saying about the case. However, you realized quickly not many of them wanted to budge. Not many were sharing information willingly. 
After being shot down by a group of people, you returned to the bar for a break. Huffing in frustration as you sat, sipping on water (because after all you still had a job to do). JJ was on the other side of the bar, still trying to talk up a few people for information. If there was one thing about JJ that you admired, it was her determination. You were feeling like giving up on this task three failed attempts of conversation ago. Yet, there she was continuing on. If you were being honest, there was more than just one thing you admired about her. As harsh and frustrating as she could be, she was also driven and passionate. She went into everything giving 100%, no matter how small the challenge was. The way she worked, showing compassion for those she worked with, yet staying strong at the most horrifying or tragic things the team faced. You could barely keep yourself together in front of the team with some of the stuff you saw, but when you looked at JJ all you saw was unrelenting strength and bravery. Sure, she was mean to you and you were pretty sure she hated your guts, but that didn’t stop you from respecting her as a coworker and member of the team. 
“Can I buy you a drink?” 
The voice came from beside you, startling you out of your deep thought. 
“Huh?” was all you could think to say, your brain not quite registering what was asked. You looked over to who was speaking to you, only to see a man who you had yet to talk to had placed himself right next to you. A little too close for comfort if you were being honest. There was a reason you hadn’t reached him yet too. In fact, you had hoped JJ would take care of talking to him. He had been eying you since you walked in and it didn’t take a profiler to know what he wanted from you. Unfortunately for him, you weren’t interested. But unfortunately for you, he didn’t seem to take the hint. 
“Do you want a drink?” He repeated, waving over the bartender before you could even respond.
“Oh, no I’m good.” 
“Come on,” he scooted closer and you visibly shrank down. “Let me buy you one.” 
You were torn. On one hand you were here for a job and he was someone who was willing to come talk to you when no one else wanted you there. On the other hand, you can’t drink while working, he didn’t seem the type to let you just pretend to sip on it, and quite frankly if you did get a drink, you wouldn’t take your eyes off it or him for a second. But you also knew that on the other side of the bar JJ was way more successful talking to the locals and you felt a spark of competitiveness when you watched her effortlessly converse with the other patrons. If this man was willing to actually come to you, should you really pass up this opportunity? You watched the profilers play people like a fiddle on a regular basis for work, maybe you picked up a thing or two for this very moment. 
“What do you say?” He pressed on. His hand clasping down on your shoulder. 
If you felt uncomfortable before, his touch made your whole body freeze. Maybe this imaginary competition with JJ isn’t exactly worth it.
“I-“
“She’s good.” JJ interrupted you the second you opened your mouth. She came out of nowhere. You didn’t even know she was paying attention to you this whole time. Turns out she had been completely aware of you and how you were failing miserably the entire evening. She may not have been next to you, but she listened for your voice across the room, whenever you moved she would note it in the corner of her eye. So when she realized the man she clocked as inappropriately staring you down had found the guts to come approach you, she was ready to pounce. 
And pounce she did. But not on him, no of course not. Her anger was turned towards you. 
“Let’s go,” JJ didn’t wait for you to respond, brushing off the man’s hand on your shoulder herself before replacing it with hers. Only her grip was more firm, her fists closing around the material of your shirt as she practically hoisted you off the bar stool and dragged you towards the door. 
“What about talking to the locals?” You questioned, stumbling over your feet to keep up with JJ. 
“I got what we needed,” she said through gritted teeth, eyes never meeting yours as she dragged you all the way back to the car. “Get in. Now.”
Too stunned to even argue, you did exactly as she said. Your body felt like it was on autopilot, still too shocked about her behavior and reaction to even realize what you were doing when you felt yourself clip your seatbelt on. 
Whether it was a blessing or a relief that the car ride was silent, you weren’t sure. JJ drove with her hands in fists on the wheel, gripping it so tight her knuckles were white. She was furious and it honestly had you a little curious as to what set her off so bad. So while the car ride was incredibly uncomfortable, at least she wasn’t screaming at you. That came the moment you both closed the door to your shared hotel room. 
“It’s bad enough that I’m stuck here babysitting you,” JJ finally broke her silent fuming. “But do you really have to make it so fucking hard?”
“I don’t even know what you’re talking about!” You really didn’t. It wasn’t like you said yes to the man, you weren’t actually going to drink on the job. Is that what made her so angry? 
You stomped further into your shared hotel room. Her tone and behavior already had you absolutely heated. It wasn’t like you asked for her specifically to be the extra security glued to your hip. In fact, you had hoped it would be Morgan or Emily, that way you’d at least have a friend by your side. But no. Instead, you got Jennifer Jareau, the one woman in the entirety of the BAU who absolutely despises you. 
“What if he was the unsub?” JJ stalked after you. “You put yourself in danger!”
“Oh please!” you scoffed. “I may not be a profiler like you, but I have some sense of my surroundings when we’re on the job.” You spun around to face JJ and if looks could kill, hers would stop you dead in your tracks. Trying not to show defeat, you squared your shoulders and planted your feet. There was no way you were going to back down to her and let her make you feel wreckless and stupid. You weren’t. You were good at your job and only improving, who was she to make you feel less than that?
“Then did you notice he was following your every move since you got into the bar?” 
“Yes.” You rolled your eyes. Of course, you noticed him staring. He wasn’t the first creepy man to try to pick you up from a dive bar. 
“And you still let him get right up next to you?” 
You just shrugged. If you were being honest, by the time he approached you, you had lost focus on him. But you weren’t going to admit that to the blonde currently staring you down. 
“How can you just be so careless?!” JJ threw her hands up in frustration. “Just because he’s not the unsub doesn’t mean he doesn’t have bad intentions and you let him waltz right up to you. He was all over you, (Y/N)!” Okay, you were about to reach your threshold for JJ’s bullshit for the night. Yes, you had lost a little focus, but you weren’t in any danger. This was just one random man trying to pick you up at a bar. Of course, you were going to say no. JJ just didn’t give you the opportunity to even do it.
You decide you don’t want to listen to any more of this. Pushing past JJ and making sure to bump your shoulder with hers when she refuses to move, you make it to the hotel room door. Before you could even turn the knob though, you feel a hand wrapped around your wrist, stopping you in your tracks.
“Where are you going?” JJ pressed on.
“I need some air.” You tried to wrench your wrist away, but she just held it tighter. “Don’t worry, I’ll get Prentiss or Morgan to join me. I’ll talk to them, see if they can take over babysitting.” You practically hissed the last word, frustration getting the best of you finally. It was about time you were done being civil with the blonde. You had no idea what her problem was with you and you were starting to not even care. “That’s what you want, right?”
 “What are you talking about? I asked to be here.” That stopped you. 
“What?” You spun around so fast on JJ that if she didn’t still have such a tight hold on you, you would’ve fallen right into her. “You asked? Asked what exactly?”
“This case is serious, (Y/N). I arranged for you to have the extra security.” 
“So wait wait wait,” Your brain was moving a mile a minute. What the fuck was she playing at? You couldn’t tell for the life of you. Why would she volunteer to be stuck to you when she hates every move you make? Why did she complain about it being a babysitting job, if she knew what she was getting into? You couldn’t wrap your head around this and the shift in conversation was giving you whiplash. “Not only did you ask to be my extra security… but you also were the one to suggest it in the first place?” JJ just gave you an exhausted look and nodded her head as if you should’ve expected this kind of behavior from her. But the whole idea of this went against everything you knew about her so far. This felt completely out of character.
“Why?” was all you could think to ask. Confirming the string of events had not helped you understand her actions in the slightest.
“I just told you.” JJ’s grip loosened on your wrist, but her hand still remained there. 
“No, but why would you even want to be the one to do it? You said so yourself, it’s a babysitting job.”
“Well, it wouldn’t feel like babysitting if I didn’t have to worry about you wandering off all the fucking time!” Ah, there’s the attitude again. JJ’s grip around your wrist tightened yet again and her tone was just as condescending as ever. You really couldn’t follow her right now. She wanted to protect you, but she also hated you? Dots weren’t connecting here. 
“Why are you always like this?” You finally cracked. It dawned on you that the only way to figure out what the fuck this woman was talking about was to put all your card out on the table and hoped she would follow suit. 
“Like what?” JJ fired back.
“Treating me like I’m incapable! I was chosen to be here for a reason. I earned this job and beat out dozens of other applicants. Yet, you seem to think I can’t even do my job.” You ripped your arm away, finally breaking her grip. Whether you did that out of your own strength or she just let you, you weren’t quite sure. “You say you chose to be stuck with me for this case, but you obviously can’t stand to be next to me. Morgan or Prentiss would’ve done just as good of a job and you know it. So why didn’t you suggest them? I don’t know what your problem is with me or why you hate me, but I-”
“I don’t hate you.” She cut you off, her expression going from anger to shock in two seconds flat. Her tone had you confused. It was like a switch was flipped and suddenly JJ didn’t seem angry with you. She actually seemed just as confused as you were. “Why do you think I hate you?” 
“JJ, why wouldn’t I think that?” Your defensive stance slowly dropped as you stood in front of her. No longer feeling like you wanted to win the argument. In fact, you already felt defeated. “I’m always doing something wrong in your eyes. You have something to say about everything I do. Everyone describes this version of you that’s fun and kind, but the minute I enter a room I see you physically close off. Whenever I’m doing anything related to the job you always complain. I get that you don’t like me, but I just wish I knew what I did.” 
JJ just stood there for a second. Her eyes went from shock, to frustration, to understanding and then… Possibly pity? You weren’t entirely sure. What you did notice was that she finally stopped looking at you with anger or annoyance. This was a new look for her, but that didn’t make you any less uneasy. 
“I wasn’t complaining,” JJ sighed. “And I don’t dislike you.”
You just stood there with your eyebrow quirked. If she didn’t dislike you, she could’ve really fooled you. You saw firsthand that she wasn’t like this with the others on the team.
“You’ve got it all wrong,” JJ’s voice was soft this time, almost hesitant. 
“Then explain it to me.”
“I’m pushing you,” JJ corrected. “Because I know you can do better and because this job is dangerous, even when you’re a communications liaison for the team. When I was in your position, I was unprepared, untrained and I got into some sticky situations. It’s a miracle that I’m standing here today. I didn’t want you to have that risk. I couldn’t stand it if…” She paused for a second. You watched as her jaw clenched and unclenched. It was obvious she was struggling with some kind of internal debate, trying to find the right words to share with you. What amazed you was the lack of anger toward you. For once, you were seeing a softer side of JJ and all it took was you admitting that you thought she hated your guts.
“I can’t let you get hurt,” JJ finally said. “I push you to try hard so if I’m not there, you’d still be safe. I asked to keep an eye on you, because I thought you were being put in danger in this case. I want to be close to you, because…” She took a deep breath. “Because I don’t dislike you. It’s the opposite.”
The opposite? What does that even- OH. Oh. 
“Oh.” Was all you could manage to say. Did she mean what you thought she meant? It couldn’t possibly be that she had feelings for you, right? You had to be reading into that. A moment ago you thought she couldn’t stand even sharing the same air as you, and now you’re thinking she has thing for you? No, you’re losing it. That or she’s fucking with you. But as you stare back at her, in all your confusion, you can at least recognize that she’s being completely honest. Even throughout all of your bad experiences with her, you still got to know her a little bit. JJ was serious, honest, and straightforward. So it would’ve been incredibly uncharacteristic of her to be playing mind games with you right now. 
“I just never thought you felt like that?” You phrased it as a question. Still not sure how to fully understand this weird turn of events. Surely, you’re wrong. You went from two extremes: Her absolutely hating you to her having romantic feelings for you. Could you really have misread everything this whole time? If that’s the case, then you really were horrible at noticing your surroundings. “I really thought you hated me.” 
“Yeah, well…” JJ sighed. “I’m not the best at expressing my feelings.” 
The two of you just stared at each other for a moment, you still in disbelief and JJ looking almost guilty now. There was no sign of her being anything but genuine. Yet, you still just couldn’t believe it completely. 
“Are you messing with me?” You heard yourself say it before you could even really stop it.
“What? No, of course not.” JJ almost looked hurt when you asked that and you almost felt bad about it. Almost, but then you still couldn’t shake the stress and aggravation she put you through the past year. “Look, office romances can be messy and I didn’t want to get tangled up in that, so I tried to keep my distance. But then you started spending time after work with Morgan, Hotchner, and Prentiss and told myself I was joining them to help, to protect you. That was half true. I was really just jealous.”
Wow. Okay, you really didn’t see that coming. So everything back at the bar, it wasn’t even about you being bad at your job. It was about her being jealous that some guy was trying to pick you up. That really wasn’t on your list of theories for what had JJ so pissed off. Things were slowly starting to click now, though. Her insistence to always be where you were going to be was actually planned. You really had thought all those times, it was just the universe playing a cruel joke and putting you two together when she seemed to want to be as far away from you as possible. You had also always wondered why JJ asked to be invited to your training sessions, especially if she specifically knew you’d be there and clearly didn’t need the extra practice herself, even if that was her own excuse. Now, you knew it was both to protect you and be closer to you. Never in a million years would you have thought she felt protective of you and jealous of your attention on someone else. But here you were, staring at a new version of JJ you’ve never seen before. One that’s vulnerable and insecure. One that just admitted that all her actions had been out of jealousy and her overprotectiveness towards you. Fuck… did you think that was kind of cute?
“You were jealous…” You mumbled to yourself. “And everything at the bar was also jealousy?”
“You could’ve been in danger!” JJ groaned in frustration. You only half bought it. Tapping your foot, you waited for JJ to give you the honest answer you knew would come next. “Okay, a little.” There it was.
You both stood there for a moment in silence. All of her confessions still weighing heavily on both of you and the room still feeling incredibly too tense. Suddenly, everything you knew about JJ was completely wrong. Every moment with her got rewritten. You thought back to so many instances that you just totally misread. If you weren’t so intimidated by JJ maybe you could’ve seen this earlier. You wondered if anyone else knew how she felt. They were all profilers, so surely they knew. Hell, the more you thought back to certain moments with JJ the more you wondered how you didn’t know until now. 
“Listen,” JJ broke the silence finally. “I didn’t realize that you thought I hated you. If this all makes you uncomfortable then I can ask Prentiss to-”
“No!” You blurted. “I mean, no. It’s okay, I just should’ve talked to you sooner. I want you to stay.” 
“Are you sure? I completely understand if not.” JJ began to fish for her phone in her pocket. “I can just call Emily for-”
Without much thought and to the surprise of both of you, it was you who snatched her wrist this time. Only, you didn’t exactly stop there. Suddenly, you found yourself propelling forward, your lips meeting JJ. What were you even doing? You really couldn’t say. All you knew was that you had been utterly oblivious to everything going on around you and the person you found incredibly attractive and incredibly infuriating was trying to tell you this whole time that she had feelings for you. So what did you do to stop her from fleeing the scene of the mess she put you in? You kissed her.  You really kissed her. Your hand had a mind of its own, snaking its way to tangle in her hair. 
It took JJ all of one second to realize what was happening. That your lips were smashed against hers in a hasty attempt to get her to shut up. And when she did realize you were kissing her. That you were actually the one to initiate it, she was on cloud nine. The hand that wasn’t locked in your iron grip had reached for your waist, her lips moved with yours in excitement. When you felt her use her hold on your waist to pull you forward and press you fully against her, you couldn’t stop the gasp you let out against her lips.
But that’s also what snapped you out of your impulsive actions.
“Oh fuck!” You jumped back, your hand releasing her wrist to fly to your mouth. Fuck, you actually just kissed Jennifer Jareau. “I’m so sorry.” Your brain wasn’t able to process this whole day. All you could think to do was apologize. 
“Hey, I’m not complaining,” JJ gave you a smug grin, her hand tightening on your waist. You didn’t have much of a comeback to that. Turns out, you didn’t even need one as JJ had immediately leaned back in to kiss you again. This time it wasn’t awkward or rushed, it was slow and gentle. It had you melting in the arms of the woman, who moments ago you believed to be your worst enemy. But the way she was kissing you had your heart pounding and your cheeks flushed. Her lips tasted divine and when her other hand came up to cup your chin so she could hold your face closer as she kissed you, you lost yourself even more to the feeling of her. 
As surprised as you were to admit it, when she broke the kiss again you didn’t want it to end. For a year, you wanted to be as far away from her as possible, but right now you never wanted her to let you go. Did you always have these feelings for her? Maybe. Maybe that’s why you pushed yourself to step up to the challenges she presented. Maybe you wanted to impress her, to give her reasons to praise you or at least to notice you. Maybe you both were pining for each other, but both of you were far too stubborn to ever admit it. 
“What now?” You mumbled as JJ pressed her forehead to yours. Showing you a gentleness you’ve never seen with her. 
“Hm…” JJ leaned forward one more time, brushing her lips against yours before pulling back just slightly. “We could finally take Garcia’s advice?”
“Which is?”
“We could finally stop arguing and just go out on a date?” JJ chuckled. “I had to sensor that a little.”
“Oh, I bet.” You grinned and took JJ’s hands in yours. “Okay, take me out on a date then.” 
One could say the date went well, and what followed after was even better. When this case started and you were told you’d be stuck with JJ, you expected the worst. You imagined how you’d be tearing each other down the whole time, but what you didn’t, in your wildest dreams, ever expect was to be tearing off each other's clothes. What you thought was a surprise for everyone, was really just about damn time.
Taglist: @leecravesdeath @daddy-jareau @louderfortheback 
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phoenixonwheels · 7 months
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The ~discourse~ around the term cripple punk is so wild to me bcs from what I've seen the people arguing that it includes mental illnesses/disabilities are mentally ill people who are ALSO physically disabled explaining from experience that not only are mental illnesses oftentimes disabling in exactly the same way physical disabilities are, but that trying to draw a hard line between "physical" and "mental" conditions is reductive and unhelpful in terms of actually accommodating us and understanding our conditions, especially given that both have so much overlap that it's hard to distinguish what's coming from where in the first place. Like when I'm having a bad enough depressive episode I feel real, physical pain in my chest that's so bad I can hardly stand up, and the accommodations that help me when my hEDS or POTs is making it hard to stand help when it's the depression instead. And yet I'm supposed to believe these two things are completely different, 100% of the time, no exceptions?? Plus like, idk every time I see people argue that mental conditions are somehow different from physical ones it just reminds me of how often doctors will brush aside the physical symptoms of my mental illnesses bcs they're "all in my head" despite how much I'm clearly suffering. For me so much of learning to live with stuff like my bipolar and adhd is unlearning the idea that my brain is like, a separate entity from my body, and accepting that the physical stuff I'm feeling shouldn't be dismissed just bcs it's caused by my brain and not like, my POTs or hEDS. For so often I've seen positivity posts talking about how mental conditions do physically affect people and understanding and accepting that is important, it's wild to see a group that should be on top of that sort of thing fumble it so badly.
And god, so much of the world is already against disabled people, getting mad that the "wrong" disabled people are using the term cripple punk while society does everything in its power to make life impossible for us feels like we're just doing their work for them. We should stand united in our very much shared struggle instead of desperately trying to shove everyone in separate boxes and make sure they stay there, insisting that we have nothing in common and could never share a community. We have everything in common and we need to stand together, now more than ever.
All of this! And also it’s clearly never occurred to them that a huge percentage of the medical gaslighting we’ve all experienced is having doctors blow off our physical disabilities and illnesses by claiming we’re mentally ill. Gee hmm I wonder why that is? Could it be that mental illnesses and disabilities are even more discriminated against than physical illnesses and disabilities? And if we all fight together for respect and rights for people with all types of disabilities and disorders we all benefit?
This shit is absolutely wild to me. And it leads to things like people yelling at me - an actual wheelchair user who is currently mostly bedbound - that I hate cripples and am somehow trying to “steal cripple privilege” and insert myself undeservingly into “cripple spaces” because I refuse to join them in their bigotry against mentally ill and mentally disabled people.
MERDs are to the Cripple Punk and disability rights movements what TERFs are to feminism and the queer rights movement. They’re dragging us back decades.
*MERD: mental-exclusionary radical disabled
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ghostofskywalker · 10 months
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Hey Tori! Sliding in with a 3k (yay!!! congratulations🩷) request for Echo our most beloved <33
I am forever thinking about that one scene where Echo says "Harm her and you're a dead man". It lives rent free in my brain and never fails to make me smile the ways is says it is just so-
So maybe something with Echo being a little extra protective over the reader? Looking out for them and making sure they stay safe?
thank you ezzie!! he is just So Lovely!! i don't know if this is anything like what you had in mind but i really hope you enjoy this :)
words: 1,750
summary: rationally, echo knew this assignment was going to be easy, an in and out acquisition of information. he's just annoyed that he's not the one playing your lover at that gala tonight.
clone troopers masterlist || join my 3k celebration!!
Under a Watchful Eye
Echo watched from his seat in the cockpit as you stepped out of the barracks area of the ship, and the dress you were wearing stopped his breath for a minute. It was long and flowing, fluttering and shifting around your legs with every step you took, and the fact that the color was a near-perfect match to that of his old battalion was not helping. 
But unfortunately, he was not the one you were dressed up for. 
Technically, the mission was the reason that you had donned the gown that had apparently come from Echo’s deepest fantasies, not a person. But still, this assignment required two people, as you were going undercover as guests at a banquet. And much to his dismay, it wasn’t him that had the privilege of being the one who played your lover this evening. 
No, that honor had apparently been bestowed on Crosshair. 
Logically, it made sense why you and Crosshair were the ones going on this mission. Even though there was little to no Separatist presence on this planet at this point, you couldn’t risk being recognized, and Crosshair was the member of the team that looked the least like a traditional clone (and he was also the least likely to draw attention to himself in the way that the others would). 
But even though it made sense, it didn’t mean that Echo had to be happy about it. 
He knew his brother, he knew that there was no way Crosshair would willingly put you in harms way or leave you behind, but there was still a festering cauldron of worry in Echo’s stomach as he thought about the fact that all he could do at this point is just sit and wait until you left the function. He would have to sit by if something happened to you in there, and he hated the thought of it. 
“Do I look okay?” you asked, stepping into the cockpit as you finished putting a pair of earrings in your ears. As well as matching the color of the dress, they would serve as a communication device that could easily be turned on and off from a remote location, this way if anyone tried to scan you, nothing would show up. That was Echo’s job this evening: to sit there with Tech, Wrecker, and Hunter and listen to everything that went on while you and Crosshair were gathering the information they would send back to Commander Cody.
It took him a moment to realize that you were talking to him, and his eyes widened slightly before he responded. “You look amazing,” he said earnestly. 
“Thank you,” you responded, and he could see the hint of a smile cross your face. “I wasn’t sure how the dress would look, since I don’t usually wear this type of thing.” 
“Well, I would never know it if I just looked at you,” he said, the urge to walk over to you and take your hand only growing. “I mean it, you look stunning.” 
You opened your mouth to respond, but were interrupted when Tech stepped into the space. “Oh good, you’re here,” he said, directing his attention to you. “Come with me, I have a few things for you to add to the ensemble.” 
The “extra defense” had been Echo’s idea, a way to ensure that you would be able to defend yourself if necessary. Just in case everything went wrong, he wanted to make sure that you made it out unscathed, and it would be a lot easier if you had a tiny blaster strapped to your leg. 
Right as you and Tech walked away, Crosshair stepped into the cockpit. He was a wearing a suit, the tie matching the color of your dress perfectly. Somehow he had found a way to cover his tattoo, and Echo hated to say it, but the image of you and him together screamed “power couple” to anyone who wasn’t aware of your identities. 
The only thing wrong with Crosshair’s look this evening was the scowl etched onto his face. “Do you have all the information from Cody about the mission?” Echo asked, wanting to make sure they didn’t miss anything. 
“Yes.” 
“And you remember where we’re going to meet you when you have the intel?” 
“Yes.”
“And you know-” 
“Echo,” Crosshair said, cutting him off with a matching glare. “I already got this lecture from Hunter, I don’t need it from you too. I promise that I won’t let anything happen to your girlfriend.” 
“She’s not-” 
“-Your girlfriend, I know,” Crosshair said. “Even though you’re acting like it right now.” 
“I’m-” 
But Crosshair silenced him with a look. “You’re questioning me like I’m brand new to the team, and you haven’t been able to stop glancing over at the entrance to the barracks. It’s not that hard to figure out that you have feelings for her.” Crosshair was right, but Echo did not want to admit it. “Look, if you don’t want to say anything to me it’s fine, but don’t lie to yourself about it.”
Echo was suddenly very glad to see you step back into the cockpit, because he had no idea what he was going to say to that. However, that happiness was tempered slightly when he realized it was time for you and Crosshair to leave. After one final check to make sure that everyone was up to date on the plan, he sat down in one of the seats in the cockpit and watched you walk away until you were too small to see. 
Security was bypassed, and you and Crosshair had successfully infiltrated the banquet. This was an assignment that spawned from an unnamed informant to the Senate, so they didn’t have as many details as they would have liked about what was going to go down, but so far it seemed like everything was going to work out and no major catastrophes would happen. 
“Do you see anyone suspicious?” you asked quietly, and you voice easily carried so that the rest of the team could hear you through the small device that Tech made to communicate with your earrings. 
“Not right now,” Crosshair responded, his voice slightly quieter. “But I don’t think we’ll have a good vantage point from where we are now.” 
“Where should we go?” 
“What about over there?” 
They could hear shuffling, so it was clear that you were moving somewhere, but the fact that this device only picked up audio was starting to get a little annoying. Echo wanted to see what was happening, rather than just hear what was being said. 
Suddenly the music suddenly got a little louder, and his curiosity only grew. 
Finally, your voice once again came through the radio, and he was allowed to imagine some of what was going on out there. “Wow Crosshair, you didn’t tell me you were such a good dancer.”
“I’m a man of many talents.” 
“I’m sure.” 
It was only for the mission, it was only for the mission, it was only for the mission, Echo kept repeating to himself. Although he understood the fact that you and Crosshair were going to be posing as lovers for this event, he didn’t really think about what that might have entailed. The thought of you dancing with someone that wasn’t him was almost too much, but he forced himself to keep his cool. 
***
Trouble always found them, there was no way they should have expected anything different with this mission. After you and Crosshair had acquired some very interesting information from another set of guests (which sounded a hell of a lot like what they needed to bring back to Cody), Tech was right about to tell you and Crosshair to meet the rest of them back at the ship when the sound of blaster fire came across the communication device, and they realized something was wrong.
Instantly, Echo jumped into a frenzy. “What’s going on?” he asked worriedly, pulling the radio device up to his lips. 
“Bounty hunters just showed up!” you whispered. “I don’t know what they want though.” 
“That doesn’t matter, you need to get out of there, now!”
Crosshair’s voice came through the device next. “Wow, what am I? Chopped bantha?” 
“You know I meant both of you!” Echo responded, rolling his eyes. He didn’t have time for the jokes right now, not when you were in danger. “Now, before anyone sees you!” 
All they could do was wait until you and Crosshair could be seen through the windows of the cockpit, and it was taking a much longer time than Echo was comfortable with. Although the communication devices you wore were still technically active, the sounds of footsteps and general chaos really were not of any use to them when trying to determine your location. 
Finally though, the two of you were bounding up the ramp of the Marauder, and Tech was pulling the ship off the surface of the planet and back into hyperspace. None of the other batchers batted an eye when Echo got up from his seat and made a beeline to where you had just walked in. 
Crosshair had already disappeared, probably having gone into the refresher to wash whatever was hiding his tattoo, and you smiled at Echo when he got close enough. “Are you okay?” he asked, noticing a few rips near the bottom of your dress. 
“I’m fine,” you responded, reaching out to take his hand. “We got out of there just in time, no one even noticed us leave.” 
“But-” 
“We took a shortcut through some woods and the shoes they sent me weren’t really meant for anything too extreme,” you said, laughing quietly as you reached up to place your other hand on his cheek. Echo’s gaze traveled back up to your face, and he couldn’t help but fall in love with the smile you gave him. “I promise, everything is okay now.” 
“I know,” he said, too busy drowning in the sensation of your fingertips touching his skin to really worry about what he was saying. “I’m glad you’re safe.”
“Me too Echo,” you said, pulling your hand away from his face. Echo would have been upset at the shift if you hadn’t leaned up and placed the softest of kisses on his cheek. It felt like his skin was set aflame, your lips permanently marking his face; it was evidence that he’d always be yours, even if you didn’t know it yet. “Me too.” 
- the end -
i no longer have a taglist! if you're interested in being notified when i post, you can follow my library blog @ghostofskywalker-library and turn on notifications!
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maniacwatchestheworld · 2 months
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Man... I just LOVE watching the DPxDC community do their thing. I like them and just want to examine you all under a microscope because I find you all so very interesting! It's just absolutely TRAGIC that I have yet to find any storyline or AU that tickles my specific fancy, personally...
I acknowledge that this is purely a me problem and not a community problem 120%! The stuff that I just enjoy about Batman and Danny Phantom are just not things that the community are interested in as a whole and that's perfectly fine! But it does make me feel like a pure outsider when I wish that I could actually more earnestly engage with the community itself from within. Just... Siiiiiigh! And I just have not been able to think up anything to make the two verses blend together in a way that would be personally satisfying to me specifically!
Have some of my personal winging under the cut! No hate. Just explaining my tastes and yearning.
Absolutely no shade! All the more power to you for writing stories with these tropes and features! But I personally am not particularly interested in batfamily drama, and I see the kids in the batfamily as the children that they used to be in many ways. So stories about the batfamily don't interest me a whole lot, and I'm just not invested in shipping them with anyone (I'm also ace, so I really don't get pretty much anything out of batfamily romance) as a whole. What I like about Batman is that his stories are largely mysteries. I like the atmosphere and I absolutely ADORE the rogues! I like seeing the crimes and Batman clashing with his rogues, and most of all I LOVE the heart-wrenching DRAMA between Bruce and Harvey as Bruce DESPERATELY does everything he possibly can to save his best friend, while Harvey slips further and further into a hell that he wishes that he could climb out of but is just unable to alone! Harvey is just my absolute favorite and the sheer tragedy of his character has a tight grip around my heart that will not let go! Meanwhile with Danny Phantom, what I like about it... Well... I just think that Vlad is neat! There is also a certain tragedy to him as well, but he's also just a pathetic loser which is hilarious to me! Like, so often he comes off as so slick and cool and threatening... But also he's a loser and a goober. I also just love seeing how much of a simp Jack is for him. And I just like how redemption is always just barely in sight for Vlad... He just has to honestly reach out and grab it, but he just isn't willing to right now. Also ghost powers are neat and unique and I enjoy the unique possibilities and aesthetics of it. But sadly for me, these just aren't things that the DPxDC community is interested in. And that's perfectly fine, but it does make me yearn. Like there are interesting parallels to explore between Harvey and Vlad for sure! But I have no idea how to explore them in any interesting ways at all! Also I am just the kind of person who very much dislikes stories about destiny and stuff like that. So AUs like the twin demons or Ghost King!Danny just have absolutely no appeal to me. I'm just not interested in the inevitability that a lot of storytellers in this space have that Danny WILL join the batfamily. Also it feels disappointing to me whenever a writer just doesn't give the DC the credit that they deserve. It feels like people just want Danny to be super ultra overpowered, even more so than the super ultra overpowered characters that DC already has without exploring how these different things interact. Feels like people are more interested in erasing DC canon to make way for their Danny Phantom fanon instead of letting both things be true as is the usual DC way. Again, there's nothing wrong with doing that, but it just leaves me wanting. Also I really don't particularly like nor care about Ra's or Talia as far a rogues go, so only seeing them getting included in these things is just disappointing.
Lays down. Like, I don't want to sound like I'm hating on the community. I honestly am not. I'm just bellyaching because I am in this enclosure and am not receiving good enough stimulation in this space. It just feels like... It's a hot day, and I am REALLY craving some ice cream right now! But this ice cream shop only has 4 flavors and I quite dislike them all. I'm not angry at people for liking these 4 flavors. And this place is just SO CLOSE to being something I like! I enjoy the decor, the location is really nice and convenient for me. But alls I can do in just stare in the window and watch everyone else enjoying themselves while I bake in the sun. I admit that this is purely a me problem and not a community problem but it's just a bummer, y'know? Flops.
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aventurine-official · 2 months
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Who, me? Call me Aventurine of the Ten Stonehearts~
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Go ahead, use me as you wish, even stab me in the back when you see fit. Exploitation and treachery are simply tools of the trade. But remember, I don't make deals that don't pay off... So, I hope you don't disappoint me.
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Life is a gamble, but if you play your cards right... you might just win. I could teach you a few tricks, if you'd let me. But, mmm, maybe it wouldn't be the best idea. I'm supposed to stay undetected, although I don't think undetected is the right task for me. I'm always drawing attention no matter where I go.
I've been called pretty many, many times, much like the stone I share my name with. I suppose it's true, I do seem to be blessed with good looks... but aventurine stones also have a sharp edge, and that's something you'd be better off remembering.
I work for the Interastral Peace Corporation-- I manage the Strategic Investment Department, but I always have time for a game and a drink or two. Maybe you should take me out sometime~
I'm not afraid to place bets on things that I want, and you'll often find that when I bet on something, I'm not usually wrong. Blessed by luck, blessed by fate-- I've heard it all, but I like to think that in someway, this skill, these wins, are all mine because I've earned them.
After all, life is just one grand bet, and I'll always be the final victor.
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Notes from the moderator:
Mod also runs the @hydro-eidolon-kaveh-official rp account, so the format is her own and is not plagiarized :)
Guidelines:
~ Keep the asks sfw if you please, suggestive is okay!
~ No random links in asks unless they are links to other Tumblr posts (if they are there, please specify what they are)
~ Be kind, please. Any hateful comments related but not limited to racism, sexism, homophobia, ableism, ageism and transphobia will not be tolerated here and you may be blocked.
~ All ships (age-appropriate) are welcome. I personally believe Aventurine is gay as hell, so he will have a noticeable interest in men versus women).
~ Try to avoid sending DMs to the mod unless you are another mod
~ Anons are more than welcome here! You may have a personalized tag and everything :)
List of current anon signoffs here
Key (if applicable):
" " : for dialogue
* * : for movements
( ) : ooc
Tags:
#ace of spades ♠️ : Art reblogs
#roll the dice 🎲 : Random thoughts and calm moments
#trump card 🃏 : Asks from anons and others
#want to make a bet? 🪙 : Interactions with Honkai Star Rail blogs
#where the lights drown all sorrows 🌃 : Interactions with characters from Penacony
#royal flush 🪪 : Interactions with other members of the IPC
#ten of a kind 💎 : Interactions with / mentions of the other Stonehearts
#queen of hearts ❤️ : Interactions with / mentions of Topaz
#king of diamonds ♦️ : Interactions with / mentions of Dr. Ratio
#angel boy 🪶 : Interactions with / mentions of Sunday
Masterlist post of Honkai Star Rail-official blogs linked here
Want to join the rp community? Here are some tips and tricks from yours truly!
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partyanimal167 · 9 months
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My Internet Helper- Crocodile x F!Reader
Here's my submission for @fuwushiguro and @duckiez s' Cyber Sex collab. It's my first time doing a collab, but I read some from the JJK girlies, and some ideas started rolling. I hope this idea is interesting enough. Thanks for stopping by and check out the other works too~
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Intro: Things started out innocently enough, and that probably should have been the first sign. Everyone knew that the internet was a place where people can find nearly anything to satisfy their desires and curiosity. You, on the other hand, weren't trying to go to those deep, dark places. You just wanted some company. And that surely came in its own way.
CW: nsfw, online sugaring, dirty talk, praise kink, black fem reader in mind
Things were simple. Easy. You told yourself that companionship came in all sorts of forms...but damn, you never imagined these kinds of benefits at all.
Streaming online was something you didn't think much about. You didn't think that you had something interesting to offer people or that any one would want to listen to you at all. However, you tried going live on a simple social site when you found yourself across the country and struggling to click with people outside of work.
You told yourself that talking to internet people was different than when you were a child. People were more open to accepting companionship from different avenues. So one time when you were eating dinner by yourself, you started the stream and stared absently waiting to see if anyone would join.
After a few minutes, a few people did and you greeted them. Some left immediately while a few started asking questions about yourself. They were basic ones: your favorite food, music you hate, if you were into celebrity gossip. You were shocked by how easy it was for you to openly chat with these strangers. When the stream ended, you found that some type of satisfaction was gained. Maybe this could be a hobby.
So you found yourself going live a few times a week. Sometimes you would be eating dinner. Other times you were just reading a book or fanfic. Or you would talk to your viewers about their latest work drama and give some comforting advice. It was starting to become a little small community of watchers and you; all together just existing in a shared space.
Every now and then, you'd get a creep or spam bot asking for inappropriate things, but that didn't bother you too much. You weren't there to show off any skin or fulfill fantasies. There wasn't anything wrong with it, but you left that type of work to those good at it. You were shy about showing yourself off.
One time, you were simply set up and reading a book. You had a cup of tea by your side with some lofi in the background. Every now and then you glanced up to see if anyone had any comments or how many people were streaming. Tonight, there weren't that many people tuned in which was fine. It had been a long day at work, so you weren't really in the mood to spill some tea with your digital peers. Your eye caught on a comment.
MrSandsandCo: That's a classic book your reading. I'm shocked that there are people who know that author.
You smiled a little to yourself after seeing that. It had been a book you read a few times that not so many people knew about. You thanked the commenter and explained that you enjoyed the plot and story development.
After that occasion, you started to notice more comments from that same user. They seemed to enjoy your lives when you did mundane things like reading, journaling, or simply listening to music. They made it a point to ask about your day and interests.
Later on, slow season approached at work, and hours were being cut. You went live while you searching for a second job--rambling about how money would probably be a bit tight with the way you just had to repair your car on top of everything else. You read job listings and shared silly work stories. Near the end of the night, you were getting ready for bed when a distinct notification rung. What the? You checked your phone.
Sir Sands has sent you cash.
You nearly choked seeing the amount. You recognized the name since it was similar to that user who frequents you. You didn't know what to say. It was late, so you decided to wait until morning to ask about it.
~~~
Self: Hi!!! Uh, I hope you're doing fine. I saw that you sent me some money last night. Thank you so much! It was really unexpected. I feel weird about taking it though...
Mr Sands is typing...
MrSandsandCo: Don't worry about it. I know you're independent, but see it as a gift. No need to fret.
You chewed the inside of your lip a little trying to think of what to say.
Self: Ah a gift...but I want to say thank you in some way. I honestly can't imagine why you'd even be so generous.
MrSandsandCo: Your presence is unique and genuine. I am not one for digital entertainment, but I enjoy what you bring.
You blushed a bit while reading.
MrSandsandCo: As for your appreciation, well...how about we just have a video chat? Just the two of us. So we can get to know each other a little more?
Hmmm....that wouldn't be too bad. It made you a little nervous thinking about talking to a stranger, but then again, that was what you did on a daily basis any way. There could be nothing wrong with that.
Self: Sure! Let's do it!
~~~
You were nervous.
After agreeing on a time and platform, you didn't think much about your meeting with that overly generous user. It was nice having internet friends, but you definitely have to remind yourself that these were people like you on the other side of the screen. They had names, fun facts, jobs, problems. Even when exchanging knowledge on the web, there was still some things unknown.
The call ringtone snapped you out of your thoughts. Okay, well let's do this. You answered the call.
"It's a pleasure to formally meet you, Miss."
It was like your soul left your body. That voice.
You were greeted by an older gentleman who looked like he was sitting a dimly-lit office. He was more well-dressed in a white dress shirt with two buttons undone and sat in a dark leather chair. His hair was mostly put together with a strand or two loose. There seemed to be smoke in the air coming from some hidden source and bright gold jewelry shimmered in the little light. His golden eyes seemed tired yet amused based on the look he gave you.
He had money. Definitely. He probably was running several businesses--possibly why he was in an office at this time of night.
"He-hello, Mr-,"
"Crocodile. No need to call me Mister or Sir for now."
You were slightly confused by what meant by that but carried on. You returned your name, and the conversation flowed naturally. He told you about a couple of his pressing responsibilities related to his line of work while you listened intrigued. You answered questions about your hobbies, your dreams, your friends and family. You returned and asked about his family--wife and kids--which he chuckled at and simply stated that he had neither.
You talked for nearly an hour before you remembered the situation that brought this all about.
"Oh what am I doing! I'm so sorry. I haven't even properly thanked you. I still can't believe you decided to...help me out." it felt weird wording it as such. You were sure you wouldn't have to worry about getting another job for awhile. It's weird just thinking about it.
The man chuckled again. "You're still concerned about that, beautiful?" your cheeks warmed up. "I'm glad to do so. A woman like you should enjoy the finer things in life."
You were curious about what he meant by that, but quickly the conversation carried on. Before long, you two ended up wrapping up for the night. Crocodile let you know that he appreciated your company and clearly expressed that he would love to speak with you again. You beamed and agreed.
After washing up and getting comfortable in bed, you were drifting to sleep when that familiar notification ring went off.
Sir Sands has sent you cash.
~~~
"Girl be fucking for real."
You chuckled awkwardly while you brought your iced coffee to your lips.
"So you telling me that this man has sent you money for just talking to him. You ain't showing him a titty or nothin'?" one of your other friends chimed in.
"Omg, no!" you gasped and scratched your cheek in embarrassment. "We just...talk." There was a collective grunt from the table.
"Babe, you need to milk that man while you can. I can't believe you got somebody sending you money...just for existing! I'm jealous."
You smiled a little while you thought about the situation. It was...a nice little set up to say the least. You didn't talk on video with Sir Crocodile a lot, but it was nice to speak to the man. He never brought up the money, but he seemed to have known it was there when you didn't bring up your financial worries in your daily lives. In fact with the less hours and generous allowance, you were able to indulge a little in your hobbies and wants. These things Crocodile would want to know about. He liked hearing that you went to brunch with your friends or bought a handmade outfit from a seller you had been following for quite awhile. In a way, they were like indirect gifts from him.
"I'm happy for you, but what if he wants a little more?"
You hummed in thought for a moment before shrugging. "I don't know. It depends I guess." your friends gasped in unison. "Don't do that. I didn't say I'm gonna go show off my whole cat to him online, jeez. Maybe I'd just...hear him out. I don't think he's like that."
"Shit girl, I'm just shocked you got yourself a sugar daddy. When will it be me?"
~~~
You laid lazily in bed eating chips and sipping on a drink absentmindedly scrolling online. You were taking an impromptu break from streaming and just wanted to be digital consumer. You were off the next day and weren't sure how to entertain yourself. None of the usuals were hitting like normal. You were close to shutting down early for the night.
(Incoming Call...)
You popped up at the familiar call sound and were shocked to see that Crocodile was calling. He always scheduled his chats ahead of time, but it wasn't like you were doing anything important any way.
"Heyo~" you greeted all cutesy and rested your head in your palm.
It seems you were blessed with the after-hours look of Crocodile: slightly disheveled hair, suit coat lost, dress shirt a little more unbuttoned, a mischievous gleam in his eyes as smoke surrounded his frame.
The man grinned at you. "Hello darling, how are you?" You started going on about your day and the few little hobbies you tried out to fill your time. You were starting to shop more too since it was time to update your closet. You went on and on about your purchases and newfound pleasures.
"I even took my friends out a few days ago. It was fun," you giggled to yourself as you remembered the conversation that was had, "but they kept calling you my sugar daddy which was embarrassing." you bit your bottom lip and looked off to the side.
There was a dark look in Crocodile's expression that you hadn't seen before. "Mmm, and what did you say to that?"
He didn't deny the claim, so you were a bit shy to keep the topic afloat. "I mean, I said no. You never ask me to show any...nudity or anything."
Crocodile found your shyness amusing though everything you said was true. He let you set your boundaries in this unique relationship, and he wasn't going to risk you disappearing. If a pretty girl liked talking to him and spending his money, then he'd indulge for sure. That didn't mean he never considered. "I haven't." he said simply.
You weren't sure what to say. It wasn't like you didn't have a little crush on the older man. How couldn't you? You got spoiled and had the freedom to go about your business without anyone blowing up your phone asking for your location and demanding things. "Well...would you want me to?" you peaked at the screen.
Crocodile's body language was cool and collected, but those golden eyes of his were telling a story. "I want whatever you'd give me." he replied. "I can admit that I've thought about seeing that beautiful body of yours in a different light." you felt your body heat up and fidgeted slightly in your seat. "My precious darling, is something wrong?" you shook your head. "Look at me."
Those eyes looked hungry. You didn't know you could have such an intense effect on another person, but it gave you a little more courage. The man went on. "Send me your wish list. How about we play dress up?"
...
You scheduled your private fashion show for your next weekend. Throughout the week, packages and packages arrived with outfits you picked out--most of which you thought you'd only imagine wearing. Every night, you took them out, washed and ironed, redid the order in which you'd show them off to Crocodile.
It was finally the big day. You ate a good lunch and decided to put on a light beat face to change things up.
Right on time, that telling ringtone rung from your desk. You had soft lights in your bedroom which framed you as you answered with a sweet smile. You wore a robe to cover what was underneath. "Hi Crocodile,"
The man looked quite put together and the background seemed to be his personal home office. He grinned and leaned forward a bit. "Ah ah princess, you gotta call me Sir today. After all, you're showing off what I bought you."
You immediately felt your face warm at the rule. It was probably the first time Crocodile told you what to do and brought up who was funding your fun. "Yes Sir."
"Good girl." He rested his head on his hook. "Now let's start the show."
You had all his attention as you.took off your soft robe and showed off a cute summer fit of a crop tee and some low-rise capris. You twirled and pointed out your favorite details and how it hugged your body. The next hour was spent changing into different outfits and accessories that ranged from casual to formal and increased in appeal. It was time for your big reveal, and you fidgeted after putting on the lingerie.
Crocodile could sense your hesitation though you were out of the frame. He was painfully hard under his desk. You looked great in every outfit you picked, and he wished he was there to tear off those clothes. This was both entertainmentandtortureforhim. "What's wrong pretty? You said you had one last surprise."
You shifted on your legs. "I, I'm not sure-"
"Oh don't do that now. I must see what is if you're so flustered wearing it." Crocodile chuckled. You took a deep breath before stepping in front of the camera.
You had on a sheer body suit in your favorite color that had a lacy bust and straps that resembled a harness. Your nipples were obviously hard and your pussy was barely contained in the fabric. You couldn't look at the screen, but you swore you felt how Crocodile stared at you. You couldn't help but rub your thighs together.
The man groaned loudly. Your eyes flicked up to the screen. "Oh princess," you nearly moaned just hearing his voice "what a good choice." He praised. "Are you happy you me proud? Hmm, you look so delicious. What do you say?"
You played with your hands nervously. "Tha-"
"Look at me."
You obeyed. "Thank you, Sir."
"Mmm well since you like showing off so much, get on the bed and spread those legs. I want to see how wet my pussy is."
You couldn't help but moan. You quickly repositioned your laptop and laid on your back. Spreading your legs, your lower lips slipped into view. You moved the cloth to the side and spread yourself. You were aroused and embarrassed, but you liked it all the same. You could barely keep your eyes open, but you definitely heard and followed all the praise and instructions Crocodile told you.
You played with yourself, wetted your fingers, fucked your clit soft then hard and stop your orgasms when he told you to. You kept going when you needed a break just to hear "what a good girl" or "I'm gonna reward you so well." It made no sense how someone could have such an effect on you and not be right with you. You didn't think about it though. Crocodiles talked you through it several times, and by the end, you knew you needed to change your sheets and maybe a warm bath.
You blushed while you sat wrapped in your fluffy robe again.
"That was beautiful, princess. " All the same, Crocodile looked just perfect and unaffected. You couldn't see how his pants wrinkled and the loads and loads of cum he pumped on the floor by his feet while watching you. He was going to have fun shying from his housekeeper with that one. "Take the week off." Another demand.
You turned your head a little confused. "Huh? Why?" You were still a little dazed from your previous activities.
The man chuckled and grin shined brightly. "Well I'm going to fly you out of course."
~~~~
Aaaah, I can't believe I got this done! I've been wanting to write spicy Crocodile fic, and this event gave me a chance to get the ideas together. I hope you all liked it. The idea of just spending this man's money how ever I want is so hot.
Here's the masterlist for the event. Please check out the other writers works! Thanks for reading~
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hi!! so i’m. really really new to the aphmau fandom, aka i was super into it when i was like 8 and now my autistic ass got back into and actually joined in fandom stuff
i don’t. entirely understand how to guide through the aphmau fandom on tumblr. and i have a few questions- if you wouldn’t find can you answer them for me since you seem to be super into this!
what is an MCD rewrite and where do i find them- i assumed it’s people rewriting minecraft diaries but what sparked this and why?
what’s with the hate for aaron and aarmau- i don’t. fully understand it
how did garroth/lawrence happen (i love the idea)
is there like. a masterlist of aphmau lore somewhere so i can make sure i didn’t miss anything in my rewatch (i definitely missed stuff in my rewatch)
Hello hello!! Welcome to the fandom (we’re so sorry ur here its a mess)
I’d be happy to answer ur questions :D
“what is an MCD rewrite and where do i find them- i assumed it's people rewriting minecraft diaries but what sparked this and why?”
Yeah you’re right a MCD rewrite is people rewriting MCD and adding their own ships or improvements or different plot points. It started because the original MCD is kinda written poorly. Some plot points go nowhere, some parts are problematic, some parts drag on, characters appear and disappear, characters stopped developing and most importantly MCD has no ending and was abruptly discontinued by Jess so she could focus on Mystreet and other projects. People just wanna improve and finish the thing that means so mich to them basically. You can find them on AO3 and a few on Wattpad (I recommend AO3 tho its easier to find rewrites ur interested in cuz the tag system)
“what's with the hate for aaron and aarmau- i don't. fully understand it”
(There arent enough words in this world to explain my hatred for aarmau and aaron BUT)
Many reasons heres the main few: when Aaron was introduced he was supposed to be a side character but then he became a love interest kinda outta nowhere (my theory as to why is because Jess’s husband Jason voices him) and when he did become a love interest other characters like Laurence and Garroth kinda stopped developing and became worse to justify why Aaron was a good choice for Aphmau. For me they never had any chemistry in MCD, when its revealed Aphmau is pregnant with Aaron’s kid my brain logged out because wtffff how did they find the time and also why Aaron ://. He wasn’t kinda boring, his angsty past could’ve been used more but wasn’t he was just a brooding masked figure who followed Aphmau around. Then Pheonix Drop High happened and made things really weird. So when Aaron was 18 going on 19 he started dating Aphmau who was 14. Very creepy much yuck, they didn’t communicate well and then his whole character became that he’s in love with Aphmau but “he’s just not good enough for her :((“ and “i shouldn’t be with her shes perfect” and personally i find romance dramas infuriating, especially that kind of drama. AND YES AS A 18YR OLD U SHOULDNT BE DATING A 14YR OLD WELL DONE AARON. Mystreet they were the annoying lovey dovey couple with relationship drama they just rubbed me the wrong way in that series, I stopped watching after Emerald Secret and only recently forced myself to finish Mystreet and yeah no idc about them or their relationship. In MCD season 3 when Shad was introduced as a full character his whole thing is he’s Aaron again but evil and Aphmau’s sad about it and uuuuugg i dont caaareee. And I personally thought Aphmau wasn’t gunna end with anyone in MCD because she went on multiple rants about how that isn’t what she’s looking for and she has to think about her people first and she prefers her own company and then BOOM gets pregnant of masky mcsad face. Ugh. Basically Aaron ruined everything.
(Aroacemau truther 4 life aarmau hater 4 life)
“how did garroth/lawrence happen (i love the idea)”
Garrence has been a ship since the characters were introduced and quite simply its because they have more chemistry together than with Aphmau. I’ve always been a lil uncomfortable with how Jess wrote Laurence and Aphmau’s interactions and Garroth and Aphmau’s interactions but Garroth and Laurence interactions were just more natural they had more banter they were sweet together. Then Jess did a bunch of queerbaiting with it and the ship got bigger, so many fanarts so many fanfics. Then it just never happened because Jess is a coward. Like it would’ve been so nice to see the hints and chemistry go somewhere but it didn’t. Everyone still holds hope tho. With rewrites Garrence is Canon :))
“is there like. a masterlist of aphmau lore somewhere so i can make sure i didn't miss anything in my rewatch (i definitely missed stuff in my rewatch)”
i have no idea on that one, i’ve rewatched MCD every other week for the past 8 years (autism go brrrrr) i’ve never had to look for a masterlist of lore BUT I’m sure someone has to have compiled one somewhere either on the fandom wiki or on Tumblr somewhere. :))
ANYWAYS YEAH WELCOME TO HELL HAVE FUN HERE
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kajaono · 5 months
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Why Douglas leaving doesn't mean we will see a drop in quality
I see many people worrying that Douglas leaving will effect the quality of the show, in a negative way.
I would like to take Shadowhunters as an example. Here the showrunner changed after season 1. Todd Slavkin, who took over the psotion, then functioned as a showrunner, co-producer and writer. So i think it is fair we now pretend its kind of the same as a change of the director. One main role of a director is: "They collaborate with actors, read and develop scripts, and motivate the cast and crew to deliver their best performances. They also make critical decisions regarding set locations, budget management, and artistic execution."
This means the show can go downhill with a wrong director. Unmotivated crew, shit locations, rejected script, wrongly managed budget... or it can also have a positive impact.
In Shadowhunters Todd Slavkin sweet talked Freeform and Netflix to give the show 22 eps instead of 10 eps, and got rid of a lot of bad CGI, costumes and lightning.
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Costumes:
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Swords:
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You get my point.
You may say: But GO is already perfect. How could a new director make it even better?" Well I also don't think they will, but they can add their own vision to it. That doesn't mean it has to be bad. Just different.
But will we like those changes?
Well... i can not answer this question, but remeber that the course of season 3 is already set. Jesus 2.0, Zombies (?), Supreme Arc Angel Aziraphael, a garden, the cottage. And Neil is still head writer. There will be no sudden changes. They will also not cast a homophobic asshole... hey, maybe they will cast a queer person who can add their own queer accents to the story?
This show is openly queer, they will not cast someone who is against a queer version of the show.
Yes this person will handle the budget differently, they will connect with DT, MS and Neil differently, but why does that has to be bad thing? Douglas vision was amazing and I am sad he left, but there are many amazing directors out there. And just because they join later, doesn't mean they do not understand the story. See Todd, we had an amazing time with him. He even published a BTS book about his time and how friendly the fandom welcomed him. In the end he intergrated a lot of fan wishes into the show and was really open to critique of the queer community.
Why can't we have the same for GO? Why does everything has to be bad? I know we have trust issues, and i can totally understand that not knowing who will come next is scaring, but just this times I wnat you all to focus on the positive things. We are also still talking about Prime. They don't want to blow this up either.
And Neil and Terry were always so protective of GO. they made sure that only someone who understood their vision was allowed to adapt GO into a show/movie and rejected multiple offeres who felt untrue to the story. You think Neil suddenly agrees to give the story away to someone who doesn't respect it and wants to change it to something bad... more Tom Cruise like? (little joke)
And we already had a change in tone and lightning of the show.
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Many liked it, some hated it. But nevertheless, it worked.
The only thing I want is that Neil does not take over Douglas position now. This show is a two person story. Terry and Neil, Douglas and Neil, Azi and Crowley.
TL.DR: The husbands are in no danger. A director change will influence the show but why does that have to be a bad thing? Neil is as protective of the show as we are. He will not suddenly give it away to someone who wants to make drastic changes or who rejects all of his script ideas.
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aspecpplarebeautiful · 2 months
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(Self hating content incoming sorry if you don't wanna answer) I'm a grey ace lesbian and honestly I just wish so badly that I wasn't. I'm so scared that even other queer women won't want me, I know that realistically my odds of finding someone who's compatible aren't good, and honestly I just don't want to have to deal with all this. I wish I wasn't scared to even casually date half the time because I'm so afraid no one who isn't also ace is ever going to want me so it feels like I'd be
(self-doubting greyace lesbian anon pt 2) Like it wouldn't be fair to expect someone who wasn't ace to stick around for maybe a regular relationship. I want love and I wish I enjoyed more than the idea of sex more than once in a blue moon, is that so wrong? And it's so hard to not feel like i got cheated by the universe and resent my identity. I don't want to drag other ppl down so I just bottle these feelings up plus idk if I can afford therapy rn. I just wish I could make my peace with this.
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time, Anon. It sounds like there's two issues going on, the first is finding a partner you're compatible, and the second is self-acceptance in general.
I'd focus on self acceptance to start. Start following ace spectrum blogs (both ace themed, and people who just happen to be ace spectrum). If you can lesbian ace spec stuff, even better. And consider joining communities. Check and see if there's any in-person ace meetups near you, or think about joining online communities like a discord server or similar. It can help a lot to regularly see real aces who are dealing with the same or similar things as you so you're not always comparing yourself to the same standards as allos.
Seek out ace media, there's a lot of books and podcasts out there especially and you can find rec lists. Find characters who you relate to.
Remember too that your value is not in your relationship status, build yourself up. Learn a new skill or take up a fun hobby (or build on ones you already have). Build up your self esteem and self worth. This isn't giving up on dating, but it will help you value yourself no matter how things are going on that front, and will help you be in a good place when you do meet someone who is compatible with you.
Generally speaking there are actually a lot of aces out there (even if you take the conservative 1-2% estimate, which is almost definitely underestimating, that's still over a thousand aces in any city with a population of 1 million or more. They can just be hard to find, but I have known a lot of aces who have successfully found ace dating partners and found good relationships, so remember it is possible.
We do absolutely need better ways of finding each other, especially for dating purposes. In the meantime though there are dating apps that let you give your orientation as ace, and seek out other aces, and there are communities around. As visibility increases, this is getting better though. So even if you try and date withing the ace community, you do still have options.
There are also allo people who aren't as big on sex, or don't mind going without or not having sex very often, though that can be like looking for a needle in a haystack because of societal expectations. But they do exist.
So try your best not to give up hope, and to keep trying to meet people. What you want is possible and something others have succeeded at too.
All the best, Anon! And good luck!
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First Words
You’re born with the first words your soul mate says in your presence. Yours enlightened you to realize something about yourself along the way.
Atsumu x trans!m!reader
Dedicated to @littlexbimbo for letting me bounce ideas off him 💛
No matter what your arm said, you doubted you’d ever meet your soul mate.
Your life had consistently been a mess from the beginning, your soul mate probably belonged to the person that was supposed to get your body at birth. You were born in the wrong one.
You’d known from an early age. You never felt a girl, never felt comfortable in dresses like your friends, never felt happy when your relatives would say you were beautiful, and you hated being told to be ladylike.
When you were in middle school, you found the term. Transgender. Suddenly the words scrawled on your arm made sense.
It took arguing, with your parents, with the school board, with your teachers, but you were finally, finally, going to be referred to as a male student.
Your old friends from middle school cut ties for the most part, some had said that you were changing just because of your soul mate words, but you ignored them. You’d felt happier in the last year of middle school than you had the rest of your life.
High school was better. Most of the students didn’t know who you were, so they didn’t have that opinion, or really any opinion in the matter. And then you decided to join the community at your school. The club wasn’t big, or even considered a legitimate club by a lot of the teachers, but there were a couple that would defend the students who joined. You became the president during your first year because other members were afraid of having that label. You wore it proudly.
You only really had friends in the club, not trusting other students to drop your friendship when they learned the truth. And so went your life at Inarizaki.
For a year, you didn’t invest yourself in anything but the pride club and schoolwork. But when you started your second year it was like you couldn’t stop hearing about the volleyball club. Supposedly the Wonder Twins™️ were in your year, but you could never remember meeting them, which didn’t bother you. You figured they couldn’t be hard to miss with the way people talked about them.
But you were wrong.
You had been walking to school, not paying much attention as you stared up at the clouds, when you tripped over your own feet and thudded into someone’s back. The boy groaned while the one next to him started laughing. “Sorry!” You offered. “My own two stupid feet. If I don’t watch them, they trip everyone!”
You didn’t notice the two boys freeze at your words before you settled back onto your heels and walked away.
Two periods into school, you heard rumors that someone was looking for you. Or more specifically, the guy you ran into earlier was trying to find the person that collided with him. You weren’t particularly excited to tell people it was you, it wasn’t worth getting your ass kicked over running into someone. You almost made it through the day without issue. Until you went to use the bathroom.
“L/N? Shouldn’t you be using the girls room?”
You rolled your eyes to yourself upon hearing one of the very few people that remembered you from middle school. You started turning around, about to snap back when a voice cut you off, “Ya blind or somethin’? That’s a guy.” Your eyes immediately skidded over to the boy that stood there, glaring down at your bully, and you couldn’t get your mouth to work. Eventually the bully gave up on the stare down and stomped off, leaving you gaping at your rescuer. He turned to you with a sigh, “I been lookin’ for ya all day, ya know?”
You tugged your sleeves further down your wrists, “Do we know each other?”
“Naw, not yet.” You narrowed your eyes at him, and he looked almost nervous, “Ya actually ran into ma brother earlier.”
“Listen, I’m not trying to fight you guys-“
“Wha-? No, no, it’s what ya said when it happened.” He held his arm out, shirt sleeve pulled up, words glaring at you, ‘Sorry! My own two stupid feet. If I don’t watch them, they trip everyone!’
“Sorry. I don’t…have words.” The guy deflated, almost like he’d been building himself up for this moment and he was exceedingly let down…or maybe relieved?
“Alrighty. Sorry to bother ya.”
Before you could stop yourself, you asked, “What was your name, by the way?”
“Atsumu. Miya Atsumu.”
A few minutes later, you stood in front of the bathroom sink, staring down at the words on your arm, ‘Ya blind or somethin’? That’s a guy.’ You shook your head, “I’m sorry, Atsumu. You’re better off if you don’t know.”
You couldn’t stop seeing him after that. It was like you every time you turned around, there he was. You decided that maybe another activity would take your mind off lying to your soul mate, so you allowed your counselor to set up a meeting with a team captain that was looking for a manager.
You wished you had changed your mind before you entered the gym.
Kita was nice enough, introducing you to the team and explaining it was going to be a test run of your skills to see if you could handle the job. But you didn’t expect to find Atsumu there.
Looking back, it would have made sense, if you had ever bothered to learn the names of the Wonder Twins™️. Now every day you made sure the sleeves of your club jacket were pulled down over your arms, which most people didn’t question. Even when wearing short sleeved shirts, more often than not the words would still be covered until their person was found. People were worried that someone would just read their words out loud, and then those first meetings would be confusing. So the team didn’t ask you about it. And you didn’t tell. You couldn’t help but notice though, Atsumu left his out in the open. Some of the team had commented that he didn’t used to, but he never addressed why he stopped hiding them. You’d witnessed more than a few times that his fangirls would trip over themself in an over the top dramatic way and say the words to him when they landed at his feet. His response was always the same, gruffly telling them to be more careful before he walked away. The girl would pout about it, and the next one in line would try her luck. You’d always heard that he was a flirt, but you never saw it, and he’d had plenty of opportunities to showcase it.
Something you didn’t take into account when you started managing the club is how the soul mate bond can make you fall for each other, whether you try or not. In the two months since you joined, you’d seen Atsumu thriving on the court, like most of the people that liked him, but you also saw more than that. You saw him get into stupid fights with his brother, saw the multitude of videos that Suna had for blackmail, saw him whine about being hungry, angry when his sets aren’t hitting right, confused about homework, cracking jokes at nobody’s and everybody’s expense. There weren’t many facets of Atsumu that you didn’t know anymore.
You started getting concerned when he started working himself even harder than normal. Volleyball was his life, you knew that. You didn’t quite understand it, but you accepted it. Seeing him in the gym two hours after practice should have ended was starting to weigh on you. At first you chalked it up to being stuck there until he finished, and then you started seeing how raw he was pushing his hands.
“Miya, you need to rest.”
“Can’t.” He didn’t pause, moving right back to his serving practice. You sighed at the response. Since that day in the hallway, he barely says five words to you at a time.
You stood in front of him, watching him huff in frustration as you got in the way, “Can you at least take a break and let me tape your fingers? If you keep going like this, it won’t be long before you can’t go anymore.” He didn’t seem to like the statement, pulling a mildly bothered face before he nodded. You pulled him to the bench, getting to work as you closely examined the damage he’d been doing, “You’re gonna need to ice your fingers tonight, okay?” You glanced up to realize he’d been looking anywhere but you. “You okay, Atsumu? I know volleyball is important, but why are you hurting yourself for it?”
“Have to.” You waited, hoping that just this once, he’d give you more than that. But when it became clear he wouldn’t, you asked.
“Why do you have to? You’re one of the top setters in Japan.”
“I need ta be the best.” He still wasn’t looking at you, and you didn’t think he was even aware of the slight grip he took on your fingers, until his eyes suddenly snapped to yours, “I need ta push myself so that I can deserve ma soul mate.”
“I-“ You froze with wide eyes before you shook your head, turning back to his fingers, “Don’t be an idiot. If your soul mate can’t appreciate you without you needing to hurt yourself, then they are the one who’s not deserving. You’re a really good guy, Atsumu. Don’t think you need to change.”
“Clearly I do. Soul mate don’t want me.”
You replied quietly, more to yourself, “Maybe it’s that they want you too much, you big idiot. They don’t want you to suffer for being with them.”
“Shouldn’t I get ta decide that?” You felt the pang to your heart as he moved away from you, slowly tearing down the net and putting the balls away. The conversation faded away.
The day after you had a plan, but you were juggling with the idea of backing down. You felt guilty. Atsumu was insecure about the soul match and you could’ve helped him feel better but you didn’t. Practice rolled around as classes let out, and you stiffly pulled your jacket off, folding it onto the bench. The players took notice immediately, watching as you picked up your clipboard. Two sets of eyes focused on your revealed words, one with no thought to anything else.
As you moved about your daily actions, you could feel the eyes burning into you, and you braced yourself as you began to pass out their water bottles. Words on clear display as you held out Atsumu’s last, watching as he processed exactly what he was seeing. “I don’t know how you could think someone wouldn’t want you, you moron. Wha- Hey! Atsumu!” He didn’t reply as he tossed the bottle down, grabbing your arm and hauling you over his shoulder to take you outside of the gym.
“Why did you lie to me?”
You fiddled with your fingers after he set you down, figuring he deserved the truth, “I didn’t want to, okay? It just slipped out. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to deal with the shit I have to.”
“Shouldn’t I get a say in that?”
“I know. But-“ your hands flailed, “I’m not like you! Okay? You weren’t born in the wrong body, with a daily reminded on your arm that you aren’t right. I was trying to keep you from that.”
You watched the faux blonde sigh, “Aren’t right? Do you even know how perfect you are?” With wide eyes you stared at his soft smile, “Ya ain’t like me, but that don’t mean that ya aren’t right. Ya put up with me and ‘Samu fightin’, you can get Suna ta wake up and practice, Kita ‘nd Aran practically wanna adopt ya. Ya got a whole family in there that wanna help you when someone makes ya feel wrong. Ya just gotta let us in. Let me in. Because I’m not going anywhere now that I found ya.”
“Aren’t you bothered? That I was born-“
“You were born ta be exactly as ya are. Don’t let anyone tell ya different.” You hugged him as he smiled, and no one on the team questioned it when the two of came back with hands held.
Atsumu’s fangirls had been annoyed, some going damn near feral, when the news spread around the school, but the team never let you face it alone. Atsumu even took it upon himself to act as your bodyguard, while simultaneously boosting the popularity for your pride club. When you asked why he cared about it, he would just grin and say it was because his soul mate did.
Masterlist
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