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#i hate when people try to tell me i didn't do it right
mrsriddles-blog · 2 days
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Iris | M.R
Pairing: Mattheo Riddle X Slytherin Fem Reader
WC: 3.2k+
Warnings/Notes: Mild language, angst, fluff, slow burn, crappy dad…
Summary: In which you are Mattheo’s safe haven, the Iris in his life… 🌙
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And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't wanna go home right now
You sat in the Common Room, curled up in one of the oversized armchairs by the fireplace as you read. Mattheo sat on the sofa, trying to act as if he was working in his journal, but really he was focused on you.
He wasn't one to get shy or nervous, but around you he did. For the longest time, he was so careless and reckless, but then he happened to have noticed you. You were careful, and some would argue boring as you preferred playing it safe. It made some of your housemates question how your a Slytherin.
But, Mattheo noticed how you were caring and loving to those so important to you—and the first years. Typically, the first years are left to fend for themselves, but you always help them settle in and find theirselves a group of people.
You had easily fit into your guys' shared friend group, yet he found himself wanting more than a friendship with you. You were the light in his life, and for that he'd be forever thankful.
He was struggling before he had met you. He was getting angrier, getting into more fights, feeling more spiteful, drinking more and even smoking more. He was pushing all his friends away, until you. You brought him back. He found himself controlling his anger so he didn't scare you. He stopped fighting as much as he knew you hated it. He stopped drinking and smoking as much. He hadn't felt spiteful really since he met you. It was you had provided him with such tranquility—such heaven.
Yet, he couldn't ever admit his feelings to you. He was too scared to. He was scared he'd lose you and he didn't want that. He wanted you in his life someway, somehow. If that was by being friends, he was content with that.
You yawn and he knew you'd be going to bed soon which meant he too would go to bed soon. He was only up because he saw you were the only person in the Common Room. He originally felt bold and was going to express his feelings, but he found himself backing out and cursing himself for being a chickenshit.
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
When sooner or later it's over
I just don't wanna miss you tonight
Mattheo found himself awake from nightmares, so here he was sitting in the Common Room at two in the morning.  He hadn't had a nightmare in so long and it irked him so much that they had begun once more. He was so upset and he found himself crying, so he left so he wouldn't wake up his roommates.
He was sure they wouldn't care and that they'd be concerned, but he didn't want that. He was already embarrassed that he was having nightmares again. He felt like a little kid.
He tenses, hearing footsteps towards the Common Room and he glances over to see you stumble in. He was quick to look at the fireplace, wiping his face of any traces that he'd cried earlier.
"Matty? What are you doing up?" You mumble sleepily as you stumble towards the couch.
"Dunno'." He mumbles, internally cursing himself for pushing you away now.
"Are you okay?" You mumble.
"I just...want to be alone right now." He says, sighing after he realized how douchey that sounded.
You were more awake now, trying to get a grasp on this moment. Mattheo was hot and cold in moment. Typically hot with you, but right now he was being cold which was strange. You noticed he looked upset and you frowned. You move over to the couch he was sitting on. You place a hand on his arm and frown as he tenses.
"Oh Matty, you don't got to talk about it. I get it, but I can tell you most definitely don't want to be alone right now. You don't have to put that facade up for me. Here, lay down." You say, patting your lap.
He stared at you in bewilderment. How was it you weren't intimidated and scared when he got cold with people? You weren't even fazed aside from being more caring and concerned. But, you didn't pry. You simply wanted to provide comfort. You understood that he didn't want to bare his soul open to the world right now, you understood he felt misunderstood and broken. He moves, laying his head on your lap.
You toss a blanket over his lower half before you run your fingers through his hair. You hum softly, smiling as he relaxes and he soon was falling asleep. You followed not long after.
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
Mattheo knew he had been awkward with you in the morning upon waking up with his head on your lap, your fingers still in his hair. You didn't seemed bother, or if you were, you kept it hidden.
He was currently seeking you out during your guys' free period to apologize. He knew he was in a strange headspace last night and he felt as if he put a lot on you.
He found you sitting under the tree you all tended to occupy with your friends. Thankfully, your guys' friend group had some studying to do in the library. He sits next to you and you look up from your book before closing it as you smile at him.
"Hey, Matty." You say softly.
"Hey...I wanted to apologize for last night. I know I was a bit rude to you and I'm sorry. And I'm sorry if I put you in a weird position." He says.
"Matty, you don't need to apologize. It's okay! I don't know what's going on and you don't have to tell me. I just hope that whatever it is, it gets better. If you decide if you want to talk about it, I'm always here. There's no shame in talking about your feelings, Matty. I know you don't believe that, but it can be a good thing to talk time to time." You say, smiling encouragingly and softly.
"Can I tell you something?" He blurts.
"Anything." You murmur.
"I've had nightmares since I was a kid because my father. I haven't had them since second year until last night. So...I was upset and I was embarrassed. I'm sorry." He blurts, how cheeks flushing red in embarrassment and frustration.
"Matty, don't apologize. It's okay. I'm sorry you had a nightmare. It's nothing to be embarrassed about though. I have some too still...I've got a really crappy dad and use to...I'd have my mom to hum. Her humming always calmed me down and made me feel safe. But, she passed and then I was alone...it was just my dad and me." You say, smiling sadly at Mattheo who stared at you in surprise.
"I never knew that." He says.
"I don't talk about it a lot. I don't think I've told anyone that since transferring here believe it or not. I just...I don't know...I don't want to be pitied. I want to be seen for me, not that I have a crappy homelife." You explain. 
"All those fights I use to get into...it was to make me know that I was in fact alive. For such a long time, I just felt like my world was black and white. Fighting made me feel adrenaline and this rush and then my getting hurt...it all made me feel alive." He admits.
"Oh Matty, if you ever feel like that...like you need a moment to know you're alive, come to me. I'll show you." You murmur.
"I've been feeling that for awhile, Y/n/n. I don't think you can do anything." He says sadly, looking off into the distance.
You gently nudge him with your elbow and he looks at you. You bite your lip nervously before looking at his lips. You lean forward slowly, glancing up unsure only to see his eyes on your lips which encouraged you. You close your eyes, your lips moving softly against his.
And you were right.
His heart sped up, as a rush went through him. He kissed you back, his hands settling on your hips as he pulled you onto his lap. You pull away slowly, looking at his with a shy smile, flushed cheeks and blown pupils.
"Fuck me, I hate it when you're right." He says, chuckling as you laugh softly.
"In case that didn't tell you how I felt, I like you, Matty. A lot. I see you more than you know and I want to be able to love every piece of you. The good and the bad." You murmur.
He leans forward, kissing you again as he tried to express his own feelings. You smile into the kiss, understanding exactly what he was saying.
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive
Word spread like a wildfire of Mattheo and your relationship and even three months later, it was still the big news.
Mattheo stood outside the Great Hall, nervously pacing with the big bouquet of purple flowers. There were a little this and that in there, but mostly irises. He learnt in Herbology that irises meant hope, faith, courage, and wisdom. Once the two of you began to officially date, he told you that you were his hope.
He walks in, seeing you dressed in a white sweater dress, laughing amongst your shared group of friends. Pansy sees Mattheo first and grins which catches the rest of the groups attention. You turn back just as he got about two or three steps from the table. Your jaw goes slack as your eyes water slightly.
"Happy three months, love." He says, nervously, handing you the bouquet.
"Thank you Matty, these are beautiful! Oh, look at these irises. They are so beautiful!" You say softly, looking at the different assortment.
He smiles, taking a seat next to you as he finds himself feeling much more relieved that you loved them. You lean over, kissing his cheek as you smile softly at him.
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
You were nervously playing with your hands, your father sat across from you in the limo he owned. You were going to the Christmas's Ball hosted by the Malfoy's, but you were going to be meeting your boyfriend's father for the first time. Which meant your own father was as well.
"Stop that." He snaps.
"H-Huh?" You mumble confused before facing a sharp smack.
You stare out the window for the rest of the ride with watery eyes. You were more than happy to get out of the limo, but you unfortunately had to walk in with your father.
"Don't you go straying off, we are meeting your boyfriend's father." He snaps, grabbing your upper arm in a tight grip.
Your friend group had turned when you had walked in due to Mattheo's surprised look. You were dressed in a gorgeous dark green gown the hugged your upper body and was flowy in the skirt. You hair was done perfectly along with your makeup.
But, they noticed about the same time as Mattheo was the big ugly bruise on your cheek and the way your father grabbed your arm.
"F-Father, d-do we even know where he's at?" You ask.
"Shut up, can't you ever just shut up?" He snaps harshly at you, walking down a corridor.
Mattheo was following which made your father turn as he heard footsteps.
"Excuse me sir, I can take you to my father. Hey love, you look beautiful." He says, trying to give you a small smile.
You could see he was furious and you shake your head sadly. Your father didn't loosen his grip on you, but he agreed to follow Mattheo who led you both up a flight of stairs.
You reach a sitting room and you see his father in an arm chair. You had heard rumors that he had a spell made to reverse the affects of the horcruxes, but you didn't believe it until now. The man looked to be in his early twenties, with sharp features, a lanky yet toned build, and cold eyes.
"Mr. Y/L/N, I presume." He says.
"Yes." He says curtly.
"I'm Voldemort. Pleased to meet you...and Y/n, I've heard so much about you." He says, smiling coldly at your father before smiling softly at you.
"It's nice to meet you, sir." You murmur, trying to keep your face at an angle without it being noticed so he didn't notice the bruise.
He holds his hand out and you didn't miss how his eyes lingered on your father's hold on your arm. You gently pulled at your arm which allowed it to be released as you took his hand. You were appalled when he kissed your hand, before he focused on the red angry mark on your arm that was starting to bruise.
He murmurs a spell and watches it heal before turning your face toward Mattheo and healing the bruise on your cheek. You look back at Voldemort.
"Thank you." You murmur.
"Of course. Go enjoy the party with Mattheo. Your father and I...we are going to chat for a while. Please do save me a dance." He says.
"Of course, sir. Thank you again." You murmur.
Mattheo holds his arm out to you and you smile softly at him as you link your arm with his. Unaware of his father's eyes watching you both as Mattheo opens the door letting you walk through first with him following close behind. He smiles slightly, admiring how far his son had grown.
"Are you okay?" Mattheo murmurs.
"I'm fine. He was actually in a much better mood than I expected." You admit as you walk down the stairs with Mattheo.
"That's him in a better mood?" Mattheo asks, his own anxiety spiking as he fears what a bad mood is like with you near him.
"Yeah, probably one of the best I've ever seen him in, oddly enough. Your father was...nice. I was expecting him to hate me, respectfully." You say.
"He's been different since the spell reversed his looks and negative affects he faced. He's even been a better father dare I say. It's been...strange. He did seem to really like you. I just...I worry about your father." He admits.
Your eyes widen as you look at him.
"I don't think he'll kill him. Worst is that he’ll hex him and maybe threaten him about hurting you. That really set him off. He genuinely was excited to meet your father, but his mood shifted when he saw how your father was treating you." He explains.
"I just want to enjoy the night with you, Matty." You whisper.
"Would you do me the honor and dancing with me, love?" He asks.
"Of course." You say, smiling widely at him.
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
You knew Mattheo was having a rough day. It was the anniversary of his mother's death and he was having a hard day coping.
Oddly enough, his father owled you and told you some things about Mattheo's mother and some things that may cheer him up. You owled him a letter back in thanks and wished him well.
You roped Theodore and Enzo in with helping set a few things up. You walked to the boys' dorm to see that they must've all left Mattheo to be alone. He was staring up at the ceiling.
"Love, I think I want to be alone." He mumbles.
"I love you and respect you, but let me be here, okay?" You murmur, climbing onto his bed.
He genuinely felt better as you wrapped your arms around him, allowing him to shift to be the little spoon as you managed to be the big spoon. You rest your chin on his shoulder as you squeeze him tightly.
"You're gonna kill me, love." He mumbles, managing a small smile.
"I just love you so much. I'm sorry." You whisper, kissing his cheek.
He hums, pushing himself back further into your embrace. You held him until he was ready to go to breakfast where he didn't necessarily want to talk or eat, just a change of scenery. You managed to get him to eat some food and drink his juice—-and even a few smiles out of him.
You took him to the courtyard, reading his favorite book to him while playing with his hair. His eyes were closed as he half-listened to you and half-thought of how grateful he was for you.
Around dinner time, he followed you with confusion to the Astronomy Tower. You had set up dinner here and planned to watch the starts with him as he and his mother use to when he was a child. You made sure to get his favorite snacks and even a few of his mothers.
"Love...what is all this." He whispers.
"Your father owled me and told me today is always a particularly rough day for you. I had already planned on spending the day with you, reading and cuddling...but he gave me a few other ideas. He told me your mom and you would watch the stars so I thought if you were up to it that we could watch them together. And he told me some other favorite foods and snacks of yours...along with a few of your mothers. I understand if this is a lot. We can go to dinner and I bet Teddy and Enzo wouldn't mind cleaning this up." You ramble, suddenly doubting yourself as you looked anywhere, but him.
"Love...thank you." He admits, his voice cracking as he pulls you into a soft kiss.
Your heart broke for the boy you loved so dearly. He was so heartbroken of the loss of his mother. He didn't deserve this.
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
"You father seriously doesn't mind me spending the summer with you guys?" You ask for what felt like the hundredth time to Mattheo.
"He's ecstatic to have you over, love. He's got the whole summer planned with fun activities." He sighs, giving you a pointed look.
"I'm sorry! I'm just nervous! Gosh." You pout.
"I love you." He murmurs, giving your lips a pec.
"Hey, not long enough mister." You pout.
He grins before leaning back in to kiss you softly in which you reciprocated as you couldn't help, but smiling into the kiss.
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
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mcflymemes · 24 hours
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PROMPTS FROM LIFE IS STRANGE, SEASON 1 *  assorted dialogue, suggested by ismelodrama, adjust as necessary
everything is a picture waiting for be taken.
you're just jealous of me because i actually do the things you can't.
are you hiding something?
i'm sick of your disrespect. tell me the truth!
i don't want to fight with you anymore. i don't want to fight with anyone anymore.
i was eating those beans!
how the hell did you know about that photo?
always take the shot. my number one rule of photography.
you just don't listen, do you?
there's something weird going on with you.
you've only been here for three weeks and you're already causing conflict.
after this week, you are certainly not a little kid anymore.
not now. i'm contemplating shit.
are you fucking kidding me? this is major bullshit!
i didn't have all the evidence at the time.
we all make decisions we regret.
i'm not gonna make any excuses for my behavior.
i'd put stephen hawking against picasso any day.
it sucks to be dragged into the spotlight.
nobody believes me anyway.
you're exactly the kind of soldier i'd want by my side in a war.
why the hell not?
i almost asked you to hang out.
you should have asked me.
maybe we're too much alike.
i don't believe anything you say. you're full of shit.
eat a dick, [name].
i'll be in the tardis getting my delorean ready.
since you're the mysterious superhero... i'll be your faithful chauffeur and companion.
you don't know who the fuck i am or who you're messing around with.
where'd you get that? what are you doing? come on, put that thing down!
don't ever tell me what to do! i'm so sick of people trying to control me!
so you can't help me?
i told you before that i'll always believe you.
i may be a pest but... i'm a good listener.
you're the bravest person i've ever known.
for every action, there's a reaction.
i'm trying. but you have to understand my position.
i know i can be a pain in the ass... and you've always treated me like a person, not a beta nerd.
why do you want all your friends to die?
oh i see. i'm not important to you anymore.
nobody lectures me. everybody tries though.
do not analyze me! i pay people for that.
hey, that's total slander!
you don't know shit about my father, or me.
you're all fucked!
everybody hates me.
[name]... it's me. i just wanted to say i'm sorry.
i truly am sorry for being such a bastard.
you would have been cool to hang out with.
you might as well choose me.
i'm not perfect, okay?
you have talent, [name].
you don't have to push people out of your way.
thanks for admitting again that i have some talent.
do you think it's, like, fate we're not supposed to be friends?
nobody says we have to be friends.
everybody lies. no exceptions.
i came for all of you.
i'm in a nightmare and i can't wake up.
no wonder they call it a "web." nothing can ever get out.
i wish i could go back in time and erase everything.
just tell me you do have the photograph.
now shut up and listen.
i'm not a real scientist.
i was just happy just being your friend.
[name], i'm so sorry you had to go through all that.
i don't think i can concentrate on going out to the movies.
everybody pretends to care until they don't.
even angels need angels, [name].
i might be naive, but i feel their struggle.
why did you stop me from jumping?
this shit pit has taken everyone i've ever loved.
when a door closes, a window opens... or something like that.
i keep going back in time.
how could there be a more important moment in history?
thank you for trusting me.
hey... be careful out there.
what kind of friend are you?
you never understood me, or what happened to me.
i'll always be alone, thanks to you.
just in case we don't get out of this...
i'm going to make the right choices from now on.
i've been feeling like this might be actually the end of the world.
i hate to say that i'm glad to see you, but i'm glad to see you.
i wish i could stay in this moment forever... but then it wouldn't be a moment.
if that tornado came right now, i would just sit here and watch for a while.
i just feel like escaping.
i have total faith that you'll do the right thing when the time comes.
with great power comes great bullshit.
am i pushing myself too hard?
you like to hurt people, huh?
i'm glad you decided to escort me.
i know this is a bad time, but can i get one picture?
of course i believe you. you're the most amazing person i've ever met, and i'm glad you trust me.
i don't have a fucking clue what's going on.
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i-am-a-l0st-gh0st · 2 days
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HI THERE!! Can I please request Lyney SH comfort? Or LYNEY comforting you as he found you crying alone in the room. U don’t have to do these but thank u sm !! Btw I love ur writing a lot
I'm cutting people out again - Lyney x Gn!reader
I hope to see their faces when I pursue. Haunting you… T/w- Self-harm themes, Lyney comfort, crying, thinking people are angry at you. Summary- As shown above.
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You didn’t exactly feel sad, but you weren’t exactly happy either. It was that small space in between… Numbness some would say. The weighed on your shoulders like a brick, you promised Lyney you wouldn’t do it again not after last time. The cuts on your thighs were a sign that you didn't listen. You couldn’t help but think how mad he would be, his face all angry. It had been so long since you’d seen it like that, he always scared you when he was in a mood like that.
The cuts felt like they were throbbing you could barely focus on anything else. Not that there was much else to focus on. Tears welled up in your eyes as you held yourself tightly, begging for any form of comfort that you could get. When you heard the front door open.
“Hey sweetie I’m home.”
Shit shit shit. You tried to hide all the evidence that you had been crying and what you had done to yourself. Panic filled your insides, you weren’t sure how he was gonna react. Maybe he would hate you? Would he yell? What would happen? You got so lost in thought that you didn’t see Lyney walk into the room.
“Hey, Hon- H-honey what's wrong.” You could tell without seeing him his eyes were widening.
“Can I come closer or is that a no-go right now?” You nodded.
He quickly rushed over being right by your side almost like a golden retriever. His arms wrapped around you warming your entire body quickly. “What happened?”
“I… I don't know… I just..” Your voice cracked and you fell your body shaking
. “That's fine… That's completely fine.”
“No, it's not!”
“Yes… Yes, it is… You're allowed to feel horrible. Just, honey… You need to tell me when you feel like hurting yourself. You know it's not good for you.”
You felt like you had betrayed him... The hurt in his eyes and voice was visible. More tears pricked your eyes… You couldn’t stop crying, the tears were a waterfall. He kept trying to comfort you, telling you that everything was okay and that nothing could hurt you.
“Are you angry at me?”
“Why would I be angry?”
“Because I…”
“You know I wouldn’t be angry at you for that…”
“You're not?”
“No sweetie, I could never be made at you.”
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Taglist
@pandragonsoul, @atsukawolfcat
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noraunor · 9 hours
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His loss and ruin.
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Angel x sibling reader
๑ | synopsis: after a few years in hell, angel met a certain demon that he thought he could actually trust. Angel did actually fell for him, sadly, kindness nor love was a thing in hell, so he became more ruined and broken. Until a certain gambling demon came for his rescue.
๑ | tw : cursing, panick attack, abuse will be mentioned, blood, gore, death will be also be mentioned.
๑ | a/n : a part two from " my little sunshine " ig? HAHA I just watched HH ep 4 or 5 just right now and it just booster my motivation to write a second part of that one HEHE hope y'all liked it! ~
" My little sunshine "
Master list
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After the chaos occured on Valentino's studio and his very first heated argument with husk, angel ran off to a strip club to blow off some steam, but Satan must be hating on him somehow to bring husk to his tail and be his 'little-shining-armor' and caused more chaos.
" husk, what the actual fuck you are doin' here? " angel groaned as he struggled against his hold.
" let go off me! " he tried to pulled his arms back but fails miserably when husk tightened his hold to him and proceeds to push him away from the club.
" no, I'm takin' you back to the hotel. " husks gruff voice grumbled behind him.
" gett- off! " he groaned as he kicked his legs back trying to push him away to his relief, husk finally let go of his arms. Angel dusted off non-existent dust off of himself as husker gave him a frustrated look.
" that fucker put somethin' on yer drink. " angel glared at him.
" you don't think I can't tell when someone spikes my drink?! " he snapped as he run his fingers to his hair " I do this all fuckin' time! " he continues as husk gave him a look of disbelief.
" you just let people drug you all the time? "
More anger and frustration bubbled to angels chest, the bottle is in the verge of exploding.
Angel snapped his body to husks direction as his hands were in front of him, indicating his distress and frustrations.
" you think I ask for it? ! " he snapped, catching husk off guard. " I don't ask any of this shit! "His hands flew above from his head as more of his bottled emotions pour out.
" I didn't ask to be this way. " he turned back to him as husk stared at him.
" I didn't ask for you Charlie to save me, " he pointed at Huskers chest as he stepped away.
" I didn't asked for you to save me. " he pointed more to his chest, there nose were barely touching.
" I can handle myself. " he huffed pointing at himself " really? Because I just see someone self-distructing. " husked snapped back pointing back at angel's chest which angel leaned away. Husker pauses before continuing.
" it's seems like-- " just turned away " I don't know.. " he shook his head. Husker turned back again to face angel as he shrugged awkwardly " it seems like you need a bartender to talk too. " angel laughed at he placed his hand to hide forehead.
" oh, so— " he flew his hands again to his side as he chuckled. " now you're going to act like you give shit about me? " he places one of his hand to his hip.
" you think after how you treated me—" he quirkee a brow a him, pointing at him " I'm going to open up to you? Please. " he huffed as he opens his arms again dramatically as he turned away ready to walk out of this, and this conversation before he breaks more.
" maybe I would treat you better if you you were real, " more anger filled angels nerves as unwanted memories flew back to his mind. From the start where he was alive. Where he was still with you.
Anthony came back home late again with more bruises on his neck, his body was swaying as he stumbled to his steps when his eyes landed on you.
You were seated in front of the door with your arms and legs crossed.
He wondered, why we're yous till awake.
" anth. "
Anthonh breath out before cracking up a wobbly smile as he leaves ok the door frame " heya sunshine. " he shot and finger guns at you, but your expression remains the same and clearly unfazed.
He gulped, " why- why are you still awake? It's in the middle of the night.. " he stumbled up on his step as he walked towards your direction.
" oh I don't know, maybe because I was waiting for my idiot, stupid of a brother to come home and actually eat with me in the nights and sleep together and cuddle like he promised? " you quirked a brow at him as you stand up from your seat.
He gulped once again, " oooh.. " he breathe to his teeth as he sighed and gave you an apologetic look. " I'm sorry sunshine.. For- not being able to eat dinner with you.. It's just- "
" work has been very tougher lately and you/i can't afford to leave early. " you rolled your eyes, perfectly synchronizing with him which he gave you a shock look before letting out a breathless laugh.
" well- wow. " he coughed out.
" anth.. " you sighed frustratedly as you walked towards him " I know you, we're literally siblings. I know you from head to toe and you're like an open book to me. "
You stared up at him with a frown, he looked completely nervous, making you sigh as he averted eye contact again.
" I know when soemthin's up or not, and I can tell that work has not been only tough, but rough for ya too. And don't think I can't see the bruises anth, I can literally see the dried blood on 'yer nose. " you squinted an eye at him which he flinched when you noticed this.
He sighed as he slumped before chuckling.
" I just can't hide anythin' from ya, aight sunshine? "He cocked his head to the side.
" bitch, I've been with your for years, what did ya expect? " you chuckled when you felt a stinging pain on your forehead.
" hey! Language. " he pouted.
" Italian and english? " you sarcastically replied.
" Gesù Cristo, sei una minaccia, " he chuckled as he shook his head ruffling your hair.
" hey! Watch it! I just groomed that! " you groaned. But giggling afterwards, he too started to chuckle as the both of you shared a heart laugh.
Once the both of you calmed down, a soft from were on your face again as you sighed.
" I just don't want'cha to hide things from me anth.. You've been there for me ,and I wanna be there for ya too, so please just cut the act ok? " you dropped your head softly to his chest as you lazily hang your arms around his waist.
" I don't want to see you silently suffer so please, " you tilted your head to meet his troubled face.
" don't be afraid to lend me 'yer troubles ok? "
Angel stared at you for a moment before sighing as he hugged you with his other hand on your head.
" what can I do? I can't say no ta that eyes sugar. " he softly laughed as you smiled brightly at him.
" good, now let's eat! "
Angel felt tears swelled up upon his eyes at the memory as his heart pounded, he the lump of his throat thickens as he listened more to husk.
" and not some bullshit version of yourself, ways pushin' my boundaries. " husks scoffed as he watched angel walked away from him. This grew more frustration for husk.
" lemme tell ya, nobody in that hotel cares who you are! " he snapped as he swung his hand to his side. " how famous, how hot. "
" so you might as well just cut the act. " angel stopped from his tracks. With that single sentence, he finally snapped.
" anth.. We talked a bout this, I told you to not be afraid of lending me your troubles. If I were to loose my life just ta have you to open up then sure I'd fuckin' bet my life on that. " you sighed dramatically as angel shot you a look for swearing but you ignored it " like I've said, I've been with you for years, I can literally see through that mask that you're in trouble. So please just drop the act, ok? "
Your voice rang onto his mind as his mind finally went blank, emotions finally exploding.
" IT'S NOT AN ACT! " he snapped turning around to face husk again, tears were threatening to fall from his eyes. Husk was once again, shocked as he finally see his walls breaking down.
" it's who I need to be.. " he hugged himself as he averted his eyes.
" and this— " his hand flew above his head " this is my escape " escape from everything,escape from val, escape from the memory,the memory of you dying into his arms. He smiled but it was strained and tensed.
" where I can forget about it all! " he turned again stumbling as he leaned into the clubs wall for support. An image of you dead in his arms flashed into his mind again.
" h-how much I hate-! " himself, he hated himself for for not being able to save you from that night. " everything! " he continued.
" a place where I can get high, and not have to think how much it hurts. " he clutched his chest. He wondered, what would you think if you saw him now, would you still care for him? Love him? Would you still see him as an older brother?
" and maybe.. " he pushes himself off of the wall as he places his hands on the side of his head as he looked down on his foot. " I can ruin myself enough in the process, " his hands slowly went limp to his side.
" if I end up broken, I won't be his favorite you any more and.. I wont have to remember that fuckin' night where she died right into my arms. " his voice shook as he shook his head trying to shove away the memory of you slowly going limp into his arms.
Angel sat on the side walk, hugging his legs into his chest.
" and maybe he'll let me go.. And maybe.. And just maybe.. I might get actually redeemed and see her again. "
Husk looked down at the spider demon sadly, he wondered who's she he was talking about. But he figured that it must be someone from the day he was life, deciding not to push it, husk sat down beside him.
Husk sighed heavily as he started, " I was an overload once you know." Husk started. Angel turned his head to look at him to see if he was lying.
Husk met his eyes before smiling awkwardly.
" yeah.. And uh.. " he trailed " it's was nice to have that power, but when your dealing with souls, while Also being a gambler, the stakes are pretty high. And loosing a few more hands can be more than a little dangerous, so when you're down on you luck, you turn into anything to..keep you afloa even making deals yourself. So I know what is like to.. Regret the choices made and.. " he pauses for long before starting again. " knowin' ya can't take it back. " he finishes, a thickening silent envelopes them before angel broke it.
" I..." He trailed as he stared at the puddle infront of him " had a little sister. " husk perked up at the mention of this before turning to look at angel,
' so that was the "she" he was talking about. ' husk thought. He remains silent and listened further.
" she was my everything, my source of light, my little sunshine. " angel smiled sadly, husks eyes widened a little to see him talking so sweety about someone, but it was a relative anyways so of course he'd talk sweetly about it. But it was new to see angel dust being like that.
" our parents were never good, so we eventually ran away from home once I turned 18,she was 16 back then. " he pauses before continuing " her name is Y/N, Y/N is.. Someone ya should not mess with, the girl was like a tiger on loose when mad. " he chuckled dryly " but overall that chaotic personality, she was the sweetest sugar you'd eva' picked, a delicate little flower. " he sighed as he stared into the distance.
" back then, I was very secretive, hidin' my outside doins from her, comin' home late and neva' eaten dinners with her, no cuddles night and such... " he sighed before continuing " she confronted me once about that, but.. I choose to hide things from her again, till one night. I caught myself in a bad deal and stole bunch'a drugs and money.. And that stupidity of mine caused her life. " he tests finally pour into his eyes as he let out a little sob.
" I watched-... Husk i watched her.. Died right in my eyes! " he panted as he turned to the feline who had his eyes wide at the information he was getting. " and.. Right into my arms. " angel hugged himself tighter.
" so that's why.. I did everything.. Everything to ruin myself more.. Just to get that wipe off of my mind, to forget- her hands slowly let go of my hand.. Her eyes running out of life.. That- little sad smile she held even dying. " he cried, shoulders were shaking as he sobbed, husk sighed as he placed a hand ok angels shoulder and pats it.
" everyday.. Everytime, I regretted not coming home early, I regretted not spending enough time with her, I regretted for not listenin' to her.. If I could turn back the time.. If I had a second chance to be with her.. I'll.. I'll be a better brother this time. " he sobbed.
Husk was silent, trying to look a better words to ease up the spider demon, he let out a heavy sigh before smiling lightly.
" well , I never known the gal but.. I'm sure she forgives ya. " he started as he watched angel tears up.
" you did fucked up big time but.. " he pauses as he stand up and walked in front of angel.
" I'm sure the gal still see's you the bestest brother she eva' had. You did took care of her once the both of ya left yer parents house, so the little gal must be waitin for ya up there. " husk smiled at him before holding out his hand, angel smiles before wiping off his tears and accepted his hands pulling himself up.
"... Thanks.. For.. Listening. " angel awkwardly rubbed his arms as husk shrugs.
" told ya you could need a bartender to talk. " the both of them chuckled when the clubs door busted open and saw them.
" THERE THEY ARE, FUCKING GET THEM! "
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I'm the heavens, on your room, your hands fiddled with the necklace on your neck as you stared off into the distance.
Suddenly your nose itch making you sneeze, you rubbed your nose as you sniffle groaning a bit.
" to who ever the fuck talkin about me, I hope you bit your tongue. " you groaned.
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After the little massacre happened, angel and husker were covered in blood as the two happily walked their way back on the hotel when angel suddenly bit his tongue.
" OW- FUCK-"
37 notes · View notes
albatmobile · 16 hours
Text
parent teacher conferences and other places to meet a pornstar
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coming soon: [2] [3] [4] | ao3
𓅪 Rated: E | 4.5k includes: cam girl AU, teacher AU, masturbation, public sex, caught, fingering, voyeurism, come swallowing, facial, deep throating misunderstandings, confessions
𓅪 cam girl fem!reader x jason todd, eventual cam girl fem!reader x roy harper, eventual cam girl fem!reader x jason todd x roy harper
You hated people your age. Always quick to judge and even quicker to shun. 
Kids, on the other hand? You could deal with them.
Kids couldn’t turn their noses up at you, they couldn’t gossip about you and they definitely couldn’t use Google. If they could, they’d find your not so clean history. You’ve never been fucking arrested- none of that shit. No, you needed to make up extra money to compensate for the low paycheck you take as a teacher during the day by becoming a camgirl at night.
It hasn’t been a problem at this school yet, but it always seems to pop up at the most inconvenient times. Eventually, a dad catches whiff of it, their wife gets jealous and you’re quietly let go. This is your third school in four years and you didn't really want there to be a fifth. 
That’s why you dread running into parents who come to pick up their kids.
You catch this all-telling gaze of a redheaded man from across your classroom. He’s helping Lian with the cupcakes she’d brought in for her birthday today and you quickly adjust your glasses, hoping he won’t recognize you.
The hope is in vain.
Your smile is strained as he makes his way over to you with his little girl and leftover cupcakes in tow. His gate is too assured, his eyes too jovial. So, you do what you do best: ignore the parents. 
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You bend down to Lian’s level to help her remove the cupcake wrapper from the red cupcake her dad’s given her. “Did you have a good birthday in class today, Lian?” She nods excitedly, chomping into the dessert with gusto. “Do you have any fun plans for tonight?”
Your question is obviously for Lian, but it’s her dad who responds.
“Do you?” 
You clear your throat, standing from your squat as you face the redheaded man. This isn’t the first time you’ve been hit on but it always throws you off guard when it happens.
You shut him down easily, “Grading Lian’s test from today. Isn’t that right?”
Her pigtails bounce up and down, “It was about the different types of clouds in the ‘mosphere.”
“Atmosphere,” You correct her with an amused smile.
Much to your chagrin, he continues on like you haven’t rejected him. “You look like someone I know of,” He trails off as if trying to place your face.
Mr. Harper- Roy, you correct yourself, looks to be in his mid-30’s. He has a decent amount of stubble, crows feet grace the corners of his verdant eyes and his hair looks like it used to be a brighter orange than the faded strawberry color it is now. He’s exactly the type of audience you cater to on your porn channel.
“A person you know of,” You repeat his words with an uninterested drawl. You wish the conversation would resolve itself or just fucking end. This beating around the bush shit isn’t for you. “Odd phrasing, but alright.” You need to change the subject and quick. “I’ll be seeing you at the open house next week, right?”
“Wouldn’t miss it, babe.” 
You barely contain your eyeroll as you correct him on your name. “It’s Miss,” You tell him your last name again sternly.
“You’re killing me, Miss,” He says your last name, obeying your correction. 
“Tragic, I’m sure. Anyway,” You continue on unphased as you focus on saying goodbye to Lian.
He finally moves out of your classroom but lingers in the doorway, “Have you… Were you ever a librarian?”
Don’t reveal anything. Don’t reveal anything.
You calm your breathing. It’s too pointed of a question for him to not know the video that made you famous: a librarian who gets bent over any and every surface in the library.
“I’ll see you next week, Mr. Harper,” Is all you respond.
You’re fucked.
➸💋➸
The Sunday before the parent teacher conference, you’re scheduled to stream. 
Most of your material is solo streams and uploads, which makes it easy for you to make content and stick to a schedule. The few production videos you’ve done required a lot of coordinating and planning in advance. It’s a total hassle. That’s why you like your streams. You’re able to wear what you want, use whatever toys you want and you get to pick the location. 
The library closest to you is always deserted, especially so on the second floor where the old Fax Machines are stored. The second floor holds records, old newspapers and magazines as well as a smaller collection of nonfiction. Total snoozefest for some, but the perfect public filming spot for you. 
The nonfiction section is a separate room from the rest of the second floor and is hidden behind the shelf of vintage magazines. You’ve filmed in here a few times before, but never streamed. This is why you’ve chosen to come in around two hours before they close to eliminate as many possible chances for someone to catch a peak.
You’re giddy as you wave to the librarian who always seems to be behind the counter as you make your way up to your favorite spot. You’re wearing a cotton, white wrap dress, no bra, red thong and heels. The light material shows off everything. Coupled with your signature glasses, you look irresistible.
There’s one desk inside the room, right in the middle that you quickly shove out of the doorway view. The heavy desk is the bane of your existence, especially in your fucking heels, but this way no one can see you unless they literally walk into the room. It’s not fool-proof, but it’s what you’re working with.
Always punctual, you start your stream right on time. 
avid_reader began stream 
Slowly, viewers trickle in as butterflies stir in your stomach. No matter how many times you stream, you always feel a rush of anxiety as soon as you click ‘Start.’ 
Private streams are a whole different ballgame. 
Though you do offer it, you charge a steep price for private cams. So far, only your top fan has been able to meet that price more than once. The dude isn’t a creep, nor did he have any kinks you weren’t comfortable with, hell, the dude was pretty funny too. Out of all the fans to get you in private, you’re glad he’s the only reoccurring one. 
From his requests, you can definitely tell he’s an ass man. You also know that he likes when you wear clothes like you are today: inconspicuous yet revealing. Though he’d never say no to your lingerie, he always preferred tight fitting, see-through tops and short skirts more so than babydolls and matching sets.
Before you get too into everything, you tease the camera you’ve set up on the desk with your nipples that poke through the fabric. You adjust your glasses that fall down the bridge of your nose as you do so, earning you your first tip of the night. 
You like to wait for your top fan to join, or at least give him a chance to, but you don’t have to wait too long before his name pops up.
inmyarsenal: this is gona b gud 
Though his typing is horrendous, it easily brings a smile to your face, something he notices and tips generously for. 
It’s going to be a good night.
You reach your first goal and slowly draw your tits out of your dress out into the open. Your nipples are already perky as you grasp your hands around them and squeeze. Your nipples poke through your fingers as you jiggle your grip around your breasts 
inmyarsenal: someone’s gonna walk in on you babe
You bite your lip, looking toward the empty doorway, “I’ve been lucky thus far.”
inmyarsenal: i want t walk in on u baby. sO good for me
He sends another tip, completing your next goal all on his own. 
“Eager today, aren’t we?”
Your stomach flips, knowing what comes next. You shoot another worrying gaze toward the doorway before scooting the chair back a bit from the desk so the camera can see down to your knees as you spread them. Your red thong is on full display for your thousands of viewers.
You pull up on the fabric, leaving the thong to disappear into your pussy lips as you do. You tease a bit longer like this before finally puling the fabric away and exposing yourself fully. 
You spend a few minutes slowly rubbing your cunt until you feel wet enough for what comes next. You tease the egg vibrator against your entrance, noting how the tips come in what seems like every second now. Within a minute, you reach your next chat goal- this one allows the tippers in the chat to set the speed of your vibrator. The more they tip, the longer they get control over it.
You slip the egg inside of you with a breathy moan. You use the silicone string that hangs out to continue to make the vibrator bob in and out of your hole, moving the camera to offer an up-close view of it.
No one in the chat gets a chance to call dibs before your top fan swoops in with a tip big enough to control the remote for over 15 minutes. You both know that you won’t last that long with him on the controls.
He starts off strong tonight, easing you into it for only so long before he ups the ante. Your settings on the app allow your viewers to control the tempo with their own vibration patterns that they create, meaning every single sinful vibration is caused personally by him. It makes it that much better. 
Today, however, it’s like he has a personal vendetta against you or something with he way he clearly wants you to leave the library with a squirt stain on your dress. Hell, he’d probably tip extra just for you to film your walk of shame, too, the fucking sadist. 
“Fuck,” You can’t hold back your moans any longer, not caring how loud you’re being when it feels this good. 
One hand teases your nipples and squeezes your tits while the other rubs desperately at your clit. Your legs are spread over each side of your chair at this point, though they’re not much support when they’re shaking this hard. 
You’re about to come when you notice him out of the corner of your eyes.
“Shit!” 
He’s not the ugliest person to orgasm to, that’s for sure. The man, however, is someone you fucking know.
ABORT! ABORT!
If anything, your top fan seems to pick up that someone’s walked in on you and uses the last few seconds of his control to push the vibrator to its limit. Your hips fly from the chair, arching as you orgasm with a pathetic whine.
You end your stream, shaking and panting while your come-hazed mind struggles to address the Wayne ward in front of you.
“I’m so fucking sorry,” You rush, trying to regulate your breathing.
You’ve already covered yourself up with your dress, but your thong is around your ankles and there’s no nonchalant way to fix it. That, and the large wet stain that now adorns the lower half of your dress from the front and the back.
Luckily, as soon as you ended the stream, your vibrator ceased, though it still remains inside of you.
“We’ve met before, haven’t we?” 
You’re at a loss of what to say, what to do, let alone where to put your come-dripping hands as you stare wide-eyed at the gorgeous man in front of you.
Normally, you’d think it was a pick up line, but no, you have met before. Many times. 
Your mother had been Bruce Wayne's elementary school teacher. Each year you were invited with her to the annual Wayne Gala. Even after her passing years ago, the invitation still came, now addressed to you. Throughout the years of attending, you’ve met him a couple of times, but never much past the standard ‘how are you’ and never memorable enough to even remember his name.
This is a lot more than a ‘how are you.’
“I don’t really know how to answer that right now.”
Surprisingly, he snorts, “I can grab some towels from the bathroom for you.”
You just nod dumbly, half planning to escape the second he turns his back, half wanting to stick around and see how this all plays out.
While he’s gone, you pull off your thong and shove it in your bag along with the vibrator you pluck out.
Moments later, he returns with what seems like the entire roll of paper towels. He hands them to you, eyes never leaving your face before moving out to roam about in the room over.
You try to hurry up, wiping yourself down and packing up your shit at record speed. You walk into the other room sheepishly, paper towels still scrunched up in your hands as you meet his quirked brow and blank face.
"Thanks," You say, hoping he won't bring it up.
Luckily, he doesn’t.
“So,” He draws out the word. You’re honestly surprised he hasn’t left at this point. “You like nonfiction?” 
You burst out laughing, something he appreciates with a small smirk as he turns over a title in his calloused hands. “I just like that it’s private up here,” You tell him your actual favorite genre before asking what’s been on your mind. “You’re Dick, right?” Out of all the Wayne ward’s names, this is the only one that springs to mind.
He huffs, putting the book back on the shelf, “Fuck no.”
“Sorry,” You hesitate. Should you just leave him alone and flee with whatever little dignity you have remaining? 
“I didn’t mean it like that,” He sounds apologetic. “It’s Jason.”
That name does sound familiar.
“Jason,” You repeat out loud without meaning to, something he notes with a small smile.
“That’s the one,” He drawls with a deep, gravelly voice. Most normal people would respond with their own name, however you just sit there in your squirt covered dress as he flits into the nonfiction room you’d just been in. Oddly enough, he asks, “Can’t really recall your name either, if I'm being honest, kid.”
“‘M not a kid,” You mumble in embarrassment, holding your laptop case against your wet spot. You’re 25 for fuck’s sake. 
“Probably a good thing considering what I just saw,” He jokes lightly, though his attention appears to be on the books in front of him. You can tell his gaze is slightly unfocused, though.
You tell him your name as you make to leave. “Maybe I’ll catch you around,” You say.
His emerald eyes finally lock onto yours again, “Maybe you will.”
➸💋➸
At open house the next day, all the dads stare at you, while the moms result to glaring at you.
It’s what you’re used to.
You’re hot as fuck, it’s why you do porn. It’s why men like Mr. Harper think you have a familiar face.
Speaking of, the man’s been well-behaved for the most part. Aside from his lingering emerald gaze, he remains in the back of the room with crossed arms as he leans back in Lian’s chair. 
The button-up you’re wearing shows off your lofty cleavage and tucks nicely into your skintight pencil skirt. To someone like Roy, you assume you look like a walking wet dream. Your hair’s up in a bun and your signature glasses as your red heels clack along the laminate floors.
You go over your plans for the remaining half of the year as well as the project and letter the kids had created for the open house. It’s an hour long event with time left for questions after, meaning you’re fucking drained by the time you’re ushering the last of the parents out the door. Surprisingly, Mr. Harper doesn’t linger, nor does he actually say anything to you. It’s entirely odd, but you’re not complaining.
You need a fucking drink.
You didn’t plan to go to a club, it’s totally not your scene. Somehow, tonight it feels right. 
It’s a seedy place, but the drinks are strong and cheap and it’s exactly what you need after a long day like this one. You’re still in your teaching attire as you settle into the practically empty bar. Monday nights and clubs don’t exactly mesh well, meaning it’s close to dead but that’s fine with you. You’re just here for a few drinks, then maybe treating yourself to some Chinese food.
You let your hair down, shaking it out as the lanky bartender comes over to take your order.
There’s a man across the bar from you. His face is obstructed by a red hoodie as he asks the bartender for something. If you tilt your head just right, you're able to get a better look at the white tuft of hair hanging prominently in front of his eyes. It kind of reminds you of Jason…
It’s as if he feels your curious gaze on him because his sharp one flickers your way. 
Green eyes meet your wide ones.
It is Jason.
Do you make the first move, or does-
Before you can finish your mental question, he raises a questioning brow your way as if asking for an invitation to come closer. You grant it, moving your purse over so he can sit.
“Hey,” You say as his hulking form sits down beside you.
“Not feeling nonfiction tonight?” He gestures down to the book you’d been reading before he approached.
You blush, hating how easily he has a hold over you.
Though you’d only planned to stay for a drink, you order another just to keep the conversation going. The two of you talk about everything and anything. The one topic the two of you keep coming back to is books and he doesn’t exactly let you off the hook for the library.
“Don’t think I’ll ever view that section the same way again,” He takes a coy sip of his whiskey.
“I really am sorry,” You apologize genuinely. “I didn’t know anyone even used that section and I-"
You start to ramble but he cuts you off gently.
“Trust me, I didn’t mind,” You watch as he downs the last of his drink and signs his tab. “You want to get out of here?”
You blush even harder. The liquor settling into your system warmly surely doesn’t help any, nor the heat behind his half-lidded eyes.
“I don’t know if I can wait that long,” You bite lightly at your lower lip. 
“You do like public places, don’t you?” You snort, covering your face in embarrassment, but he won’t allow it. He removes your hands from gentle, placing gentle kisses to each.
“I do,” You agree with a light smile.
“There’s an alley out that door,” He offers lowly.
It’s all he has to say to get you up and out of your seat, following behind his muscular form.
His thumb draws light circles against your hand as he holds open the door for you to leave through first. “Shit,” He says suddenly. “You left your purse.”
You look behind you and notice that, yes, your dumbass left it on the seat next to you. Without another word, he leaves you to grab it.
You still have your phone on you and use the camera app to check over your makeup and hair as you wait in the alley for him. You hear a random noise from the rooftops, but think little of it as the hooded man sneaks up behind you. His large hands caress you from behind as he pulls you backward against his strong chest.
“Can I touch you?” He asks lowly.
Your breath sputters, wanting nothing more, “Jason.”
His hands slip even lower on your torso, applying a gentle pressure as he reaches your lower stomach. “What kind of panties are you wearing?” You can’t help but snort. He must’ve liked the red thong because you feel his dick stir to life when you mention much of the same. “Shit,” He groans when he shifts up your dress.
He runs his fingers along the fold of where your thighs meet your pussy as if to check if you’re telling him the truth.
You hear more clattering from above but can hardly focus on it when Jason turns you around to face him. It happens so fast that your mind’s still reeling from the action as he backs you against the brick wall of the club to finally slip a finger inside your thong.
“Fuck!” You buck against his calloused index finger as his body molds against yours.
His lips capture yours in an instant with an intensity that leaves you crying out with want. It’s muffled against his lips as he holds your hands above your head with only one hand while the other focuses on working through your already slick folds. He refuses to touch your clit, which leaves you mewling and struggling against his hold.
It feels so fucking good.
All of a sudden, there’s a loud ‘thump’ that forces Jason to startle slightly away from your gasping form.
“Ma’am,” A gruff voice startles the two of you. “Are you alright?”
Before you can respond, words are already out of Jason’s mouth. “Arsenal?” Jason asks, sounding entirely confused. 
Your head untucks from Jason’s sweaty neck to see a random-ass dude in a costume staring at the two of you. Your mouth is wide as you take in the new form in front of you. Your eyes trickle lower on his red uniform to where it protrudes out around his crotch.
Apparently, Jason’s seen enough. His hand shifts slightly as he moves and you can’t stop the light breath it draws from you. 
The costumed man visibly takes in the man’s face as if it’s familiar.
“I thought she was in trouble,” He trails off as he realizes that everything going on here is completely consensual.
They stare each other down for a few more seconds before Jason’s lulling you back in.
Instead of stopping, Jason’s fingers soon begin again and you resort to hiding your face against his neck as you allow it. He notices the man’s continued presence and smirks down at you, “Are you good with this?”
You nod, moaning loudly when he rewards you with another curl of his thick finger. You definitely aren’t used to doing this shit for free, let alone for a live audience, so you feel a bit shy. The shyness only lasts for so long before you suddenly grow bolder, throwing your head back erotically as Jason brushes against your g-spot.
Jason nips at your neck, leaving bites and bruises in his wake, but your half-lidded eyes are focused on the masked man in front of you. He’s yet to move, let alone breathe, it seems.
You can't deny that he’s ripped, nor that his muscular arms are doing things to you.
He’s hot.
“I don’t care if you touch yourself,” The words are out of your mouth before you can realize it. 
It’s as if the floodgates have opened as the vigilante begins palming himself through his suit. His movements are erratic and sloppy as if he’s never touched himself before, though you suppose he’s never run into a camgirl in an alley before, not that he even knows.
You don’t even have to try to put on a show, Jason’s really that fucking good. Every moan, every writhe of your body and every shaky word you beg are all real reactions to his skillful hand. 
Jason’s hand picks up speed as you draw nearer, his lips catch deliciously against your own as he coaxes your tongue lewdly with his. “There we go,” You whimper, then cry out as his fingers squelch in and out of your slick cunt. “Just like that.” With Jason and the other man’s eyes attached to your pathetic form you come, nearly crumbling to the ground as you do. Luckily, Jason’s strong arms catch you with a small laugh, “You alright?”
It’s your turn to laugh, “Fucking amazing.” You bite your lip, eyeing the obvious strain in his jeans, “Would you want me to-?”
“Fuck yeah,” He breathes out, pulling you in for a deep kiss. You tantalizingly pull your hair up, something you did in your infamous scene.
Both men watch with slackened jaws as you squat down and unzip his jeans. His clothed cock tents out from the opening of the zipper and you waste no time in sucking at the head through his boxers. Once the fabric is thoroughly soaked through, you pull him out to fully admire.
You bite playfully at your lip, staring Jason in the eyes as you spit on his bobbing cock before slowly taking his length down your throat. When you reach the hilt, you moan, feeling the vibrations of it settle across his skin, “Mm.”
“Shit,” He groans and his arms shoot out on the brick wall behind you as if to control himself from fucking into your mouth. “Done this before, babe?” He teases you, though his eyes are completely dark with lust. 
“A time or two,” You jest back with an impish smile. Your glasses have completely ridden down to the tip of your nose at this point, something he notices and pushes back up with his thumb. 
The action causes a loud groan from the vigilante beside Jason, “Fuck, man.” He’s eagerly fisting his cock at this point, eyes never leaving you.
“Want to taste her come?”
The moan the other man produces sounds pained, desperate, as he latches onto Jason’s calloused fingers coated with your slick.
You suck more eagerly, watching the whole interaction with fascination. You’ve never done something like this before, but you don’t think you’d mind doing it again.
“You taste so good,” The other man mumbles. You have no choice but to blush around Jason’s thick length, deepthroating him until tears spill from your eyes. “So good,” He mumbles again, completely lost in you.
You swap between teasing and deepthroating until you can tell he can’t take it any longer and attempt to finish him off with one of your signature moves.
“Fuck, I’m gonna-“ Jason caresses the back of your head as he empties out into your mouth. He pulls out and splatters the remnants of his come across your lashes. 
You blink heavily, turning to the other man as an invitation, “Not sucking your dick, but you can come on my tits.”
“Fair enough,” He mumbles, completely distracted as you pull your tits out of your bra.
Your tongue pokes out to taste Jason’s come on your face while your hands squeeze at your tits like you had on stream. Poor dude doesn’t last another 20 seconds before his hot come splatters across your chest with the rest of his load drizzling down into your bra like a claim.
Definitely have to wash that when you get home.
Both men help you stand, though the vigilante takes off soon after zipping his pants. 
Jason sticks around to walk you to your car, sending you off with his phone number.
When you get home, you barely have time to reflect on what the fuck had gone down in the alley when your laptop chirps oddly. You set down your purse on your kitchen island as you traverse over to your desk. Upon opening it, you find your channel pulled up and see inmyarsenal has left you a $200 tip. 
You shake your head quizzically, eyebrows furrowing as you search to see if it’s been a mistake, considering you haven’t streamed since the library. You go to refund it to him only to see the note he’s left with it:
inmyarsenal: have to stop coming by your streams. tAke this as compensation- no refunds :)
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A/N: I've been waiiiiting to finishing this fic since last april!!! not super edited if i'm being honest
if you'd like to send me nice things in my ask box, it would make my day :,)
[next: coming soon] || pinned
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renren-006 · 1 day
Text
Sunshine Optimist | Daryl Dixion x fem reader
plot: you were sunshine and he was scared of getting burned.
word count: 1305
a/n: heyyyy here is another daryl story hope you enjoy!
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Daryl was always jealous of your optimism, the way you constantly thought things would get better or that the world wasn't as screwed up as it seemed. 
Every time the group had a bump in the road, you were there, telling everyone that things would turn around; most of the time, you were right, and when you were wrong, Daryl was the only one to remind you of it. You liked him and never let his words hurt you too much, not when you knew he was just hurting. Daryl didn't let many people in, including you, but when he did, you knew it was because of your optimism that he did. 
You were like sunshine in his eyes, and he was afraid of getting burned. 
You thought he was like the night sky, dark, but with a few shining stars, the dark wasn't that intimidating. 
The prison was the first shining star in Daryl's world. He hated that he believed your optimism then and loved that you were right. He grumbled about it to Carol so often that the woman would just laugh and shoo him away to go figure out his feelings. Daryl knew he liked you, you made his world light up, and he also knew he could never tell you. He did the only thing he knew how to do when he had feelings: push them and you away so he wouldn't have to worry about it. 
That only made things worse for him. 
You knew he pushed you away, you could feel it and see that whatever he was feeling scared the shit out of him. Rick even tried to comfort you about it.
“He's scared,” Rick said as he walked up beside you. You were standing on the gravel road watching him ride off on his motorcycle after another failed conversation with the man. Rick put a hand on your shoulder. “He's…not good with his feelings”
“I know. Just wish he would talk to me.” You told the older man. “I like him but sometimes it hurts too.”
“Sometimes love hurts” 
“That's not helping this situation Rick” you told him sarcastically. 
“I know. I'm sorry. Daryl…he's like a deer, startle him and he’ll run” 
“That's probably the best way to describe him,” you said laughing. Rick smiled, patted your soldier, and walked back to helping the others with walker controle. 
Daryl kept burying his feelings for you, deep, deep down. He felt his skin burn when he was near you, so he never put himself in that situation. That never worked because you would seek him out more than he wanted you to. It took 6 months of being in the Prison before something happened that forced him to feel what he was trying not to. 
You joined Daryl, Michonne, and a few of the new people at the Prison on the run. You rode with Michonne in the pickup truck while the others tagged behind. Daryl rode beside the truck, failing at not watching you in the passenger seat.  You knew he was watching, knew you wanted to be on that motorcycle with him, but knew you needed to let him come to you. 
Once you arrived at the store a few miles from the prison and looked to have not been raided, you all made your way inside. The building was dark and muggy, and it sounded like a few employees didn't make it. You took care of the ones on your side of the store. Daryl closes behind, keeping an eye out. You glanced around before motioning to Daryl to hand you one of the bags to start filling. You got about halfway down the aisle when a Walker jumped you out of nowhere. He didn't bite you, but shit, he scared you. 
“Fuck” you cursed as the walked pushed you back twords the wall, making you knife fummble out of your handsat the supprise. Daryl jumped into action shoving the walker off you and killing it before it could get a taste of skin. Daryl jumped back over to you looking over every inch of skin.
“He didn't get me. He didn't get me. Im fine” you told him, repeating the phrase over and over till he looked you in the eyes. “Daryl, im fine”
“You ain’t comin’ out ‘ere again” he said seriously, “No more runs”
“You can't bench me Daryl” you told him turning from fright to anger. 
“Hell I can” he said back. 
“No. I'm not yours, Daryl. You have made that very clear. You can't come back and act like you care,” you said angrily, letting all those pent-up months of feeling like nothing to Daryl out. He stared at you blankly, realizing how horrible he must have made you feel, always shoving you away.
“I….” Daryl started, wanting to scream at himself for what he had done.
“No. Im done” you told him pushing the man off you, “i'm going over there, stay the hell away Daryl”
Daryl stared blankly at where your body had previously been before you walked off, grabbed your knife, and continued on to the next row, far away from him. For the rest of that run, you stayed away, walking to another aisle whenever he tried to keep close. Michonne picked up on the energy shift between you, too, without having to say anything.
“If she doesn't want you around Daryl, it's because you pushed her so far to do so” she told him.he nodded back, knowing it was his fault and that he caused it. “You have to fix it. No more shoving her away” 
“I know”
“Good. Now get back to work, we leave in thirty” Michone said. 
That night Daryl found you at your guard tower sitting outside watching the stars. He knocked on the window on the corner wall by you. Glancing over you raised it was him, you rolled your eyes.
“I thought i said to stay the hell away Daryl” you said, a bit of venom dripped in your voice. Something Daryl had never heard from you. 
“I know, Im sorry”
“Sorry isn't going to cut it” You told him, “For months you have pushed me away, made me feel worthless to you and I pushed through but you have no right…”
“I know,” he said, cutting you off. “I was afraid of getting’ hurt y/n” 
“Hurt?”
“yer sunshine and I'm…”
“A starry night,” you told him. Holding his gaze. “You're like the stars in the night sky, bright enough to make the darkness not so scary. I always thought you were, but then you changed.”
“I…I couldn't stand yer optimism” he said, “ya made me feel…”
“Made you feel what”
“Like my heart was gonna explode” he said, crouching down by you, “yur makin me feel optimistic about the world” 
“I like having that effect on people” you told him, “I like having an affect on you”
“Ya do” he said, “Ya make me feel happy like I haven't been in a while” 
“Good” you said and pulled him down to you, crashing your lips onto his. You pulled away from him, “Tell me your sorry again”
“I'm sorry Y/N” he said, the husky voice of the redneck sent shivers down your spine. 
“And that you won't ever push me away like you did”
“I promise,” he said, smiling at the way you were making him tell you what you already knew was true. You pulled the man back and kissed him deeply. He pulled you closer to him, picked you up, and carried you into your tower. The sounds and moans that escaped your guard tower that night were heard across the starry sky, which seemed to smile down towards the Prison.
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evelyntano · 16 hours
Text
Continuation of ''When & How the Bad Batch realize that they're in love''
### Eve's Headcanons -- When & How the Bad Batch confess their love & share their first kiss ###
warnings: uh. feelings and emotions. that's it. i think?
english is not my native language
''Oh, Eve, why are you blessing us with th-'' shut up, I am going feral over a Hunter piece I wrote but I can't share it because a) it's x OC, b) I am fucking terrified of sharing full-on drabbles with the world lol. also I wrote this pre this weeks episode.
Anyways, I figured those first headcanons deserve a sequel.
once again, bone app the teeth.
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Hunter || CT-9901
Confessing His Love
Hunter strikes me as both someone who will confess his love before the first kiss, but also someone who'd kiss you in a loaded/intense/emotional moment and only confess his love afterward, when you've both calmed down a little.
I think he'd be thinking about it quite often - well, he'd be overthinking it to a degree, too.
Should he just tell you now, without making a big thing out of it? Or should he wait for a more peaceful moment, when the situation with the Empire is over? Should he tell you at all? Those questions probably haunt him at night.
It'll get to the point where he's so distracted by those thoughts whenever you're around that people notice it; they don't know why he's acting differently, but they can tell that something's up.
One day, during a calmer moment, he'll pull you aside to talk about it.
He'll be nervous and unsure how to word it, but he'd eventually confess his feelings vaguely - I don't see him uttering the words ''I love you'' in a moment like this, to be honest. Something along the lines of ''I care about you deeply'' seems more fitting for Hunter in a calm, soft moment.
Alternatively, you were in a more heated moment (either intense sparring, or after a battle) and after his emotions took over, he just confessed.
First Kiss
His first kiss depends on the scenario you'd rather go with, to be honest.
If his confession was during a calm, soft moment, then he didn't kiss you right then - unless you kiss him first, but we're talking about his first kiss.
It will probably take him a while to get to the point where he's comfortable enough to kiss you; there's just too much going on, and it will take him one of those properly peaceful moments (like on Pabu) to calm down enough to pull you aside for a private moment and eventually share your first kiss together.
If he hasn't confessed yet, and we go the ''heated moment'' route, the situation will pan out differently.
I'll go from a ''sparring'' perspective, 'cause I've written those often enough: Hunter strikes me like someone that would rather distract himself then confront certain feelings/situations.
So, how does he do it? He asks you to spar with him - something that might not be the smartest decision, but he can't really stay away from you forever, and he's trying to show you ''Hey! I don't hate you or anything. I apologize for acting so weird lately.'' (spoiler: continues acting odd)
Yet, as you get a little too into it while sparring, having pinned him to the ground, you notice how differently he looks at you; and before you realize it, the situation changes.
This is the moment where I can see him go ''Fuck it.'' and just kiss you without thinking; a confession follows afterward...eventually.
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Echo || CT-1409
Confessing His Love
*bangs head against wall* I'm so bad at analyzing Echo, I hate it here. Why does he make things so hard for me. *points accusing finger at him* Why do you hate me?!
Anyway, he's more prepared for it? How do I explain this...Echo is quite aware of his feelings, even if he's grumpy upon realizing. I think he'll reprimand himself for a long time for it, especially if you previously knew each other (back when he was an ARC Trooper & you his superior, perhaps).
When he gets past that point (can you call it denial?), he's quite certain about how he'll proceed, but I do think he'd wait until the major battles are over - well, as far as they can be.
I believe that Echo would put protecting the galaxy and helping his brothers over confessing his love for a while; or, after confessing his love, he'd openly state that his focus is somewhere else currently.
Regardless of when he confesses his love, I believe that it'll still play out roughly the same way; he'll wait for a moment alone with you, maybe catch you while you're working on something and strike up a conversation.
He'll might end up a little nervous and stutter at the beginning, but he'll be more straight-to-the-point than Hunter, for example. He'll still be...almost cautious about the way he says it, (''I think I love you'' kinda cautiousness, yk) but you'll ultimately get a proper confession.
First Kiss
welp, regardless of when he confesses, I want to think that his first kiss (emphasis on his; when he initiates it) would be after everything is over.
I just can't see him put his duty aside to find a moment in which he could have that intimate moment with you amidst the galaxy being in shambles, lol.
Maybe after one of the bigger battles is thought and they return to a safe haven, away from the Empire, you two will find each other alone and away from everyone; you'll be talking about the next steps, sharing possible plans and ideas on where to go now.
Eventually, one of you will mention your future together; I can see Echo be the one, since I think his partner would respect his priority to focus on helping the Republic, so they won't ''push'' such conversations on him.
He'll open that topic saying that he was thinking about where your future will lead you two, explaining how he wants you by his side through it all (this is basically a marriage proposal, jfc).
And after you reassure him that you feel the same and won't leave him, he'll eventually muster up the courage and kiss you; a little like a promise of sorts? A pact. I'm not sure how to say it, but I hope you get the gist of it.
That might be your first and last kiss for a while, though; as I've mentioned, Echo puts his duty first in most cases and while he does have you by his side through it all, he's not one to consider many moments ''right'' for a kiss.
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Wrecker || CT-9903
Confessing His Love
I'm drowning in specific tropes when it comes to this guy, really. He's just so loving and not afraid of showing it, and that goes for the person he falls in love with, too.
But, oh boy, will he be nervous! We've seen Wrecker, so I can't see him be confident and suave about it - well, at least after the realization that he's in love settles in. Before that? He's unbothered. He thinks you're just like family to him so there's nothing to overthink! Right? ...Right?
When he eventually realizes that, oh shit, he doesn't just think you're incredible, amazing, talented, spectacular, and more, but he's actually in love with you, he'll...well, ''panic'' is too strong of a word, I think.
While he spent a lot of time with you before that, you notice how something...changed; he'll still ask you out to spend time with him (and Omega), but you'll notice how he's suddenly more nervous when you ask specific questions.
I think you'll have to be the one to pull him aside for this one; he'll be too nervous and overthink it, unsure how to say it, so he'll just be rambling, trying to get his point across, which is both endearing and confusing (depending on you, really).
But, ultimately, he'll just blurt the ''I love you'' out, I think; maybe not those exact words, but the love confession, I mean. And the he'll either continue to ramble in an attempt to make the situation less awkward, or he'll look away, too embarrassed to say anything more.
I'm holding Wrecker gently as I'm typing this, if you even care.
First Kiss
I think my brain blanked, help.
I feel like he's the only person to actually ask for a kiss right after his confession; when he initially gets past either the continuous rambling or the embarrassed silence.
He'll eventually start blushing a lot, not really able to hold your gaze, but at one point he'll look up and sheepishly ask you if he can kiss you.
Though, I can see him do it at a later time, too. Like, after you had the conversation, you confess your own feelings to him and you leave the conversation at a light-hearted note; and then, maybe only minutes later, but maybe also hours later, he'll approach you timidly and ask if he could kiss you.
Ultimately, what I'm trying to say is: He's rather quick to ask for that kiss directly, unlike most of the others (except for those ''heated moments'' as scene with Hunter).
I've mentioned this before, but he is so full of love and affection. I just can't see him be someone that abandons affection and kisses, regardless of the situation he's in. Where the other's are cautious due to...well, obvious concerns and dangers...he doesn't let those dangers stop him from showing you affection.
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Tech || CT-9902
Confessing His Love
I'm not sure how to properly explain this, but he's...more of a Thinker than a Feeler? Is that how you describe it? Uh, he's in control over his emotions - they do not affect him in the way they affect others; specifically thinking about that scene between him & Omega, when they were talking about Echo ''leaving'' them.
I'm not sure how to properly articulate it with my mediocre english skills and my limited vocabulary, but he's...he's just really chill about it all, lol. He doesn't overthink and get nervous or panic in the way that his brother's do.
I think he delays his confession because he struggles to articulate how he feels; he knows how to explain it, but he doesn't want to give you a scientific explanation or a description of his feelings for you; he wants to properly confess his love.
I'd still say it just...happens; in my preceding post, I mentioned how he falls in love with the way you talk about things that excite you, and I'm guessing his confession happens during one of those late night talks between you two.
He'll just slip it in, not even realizing how serious and heavy of a topic that is to some people; yes, he focused on making it a confession, but you know, he didn't realize that it wasn't just a thing you could confess in passing, lol.
Tech casually drops that confession in your late night talk, admitting how he noticed that he loves your voice, and that leads to him revealing his feelings to you.
There's obviously emotion in the way he says it, even if it's ''in passing'', and when he turns to meet your surprised gaze, his expression is incredibly tender.
Save to say, you were at a loss for words. And I can only repeat it over and over again: This man can unintentionally be so bloody smooth.
First Kiss
I've mentioned this in a previous post, but I don't see him be someone that kisses his partner on the lips lol. Anyway, we need a ''proper first kiss'', I suppose.
...I am torn again, lol. One possibility (imo) is that he'll be just as casual with the first kiss as he was with the confession; it'll happen just randomly, in passing.
You'll be having another one of your casual talks, now more intimate and special than they were before, and as he stands up to leave (or for you two to move to bed), he'll help you up and plant a brief kiss on your lips without even thinking about it.
On one hand, I can see him not even realize that he did it because it just felt so ''natural'' to him; on the other hand, I can see him having stared at you the entire time and when he noticed that the conversation was about to end, something within him just felt the need to kiss you.
Another thing I can see happen is that he'll put proper ''effort'' into your first kiss; I'm thinking of a Pabu sunset, you know? He'll ask you for a walk, or another one of your late night talks and go somewhere more private with you.
There, you'll not really have your typical random conversations, but he'll actually kick it off with a (probably practiced) speech on how much he cares about you, which is basically him asking for permission to kiss you.
And then you'll get your first kiss in the light of the setting sun. He'll probably ramble more after this kiss, eventually even getting somewhat nervous this time - well, not nervous, but sheepish, I'd say.
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Crosshair || CT-9904
Confessing His Love
*user left the server* I think my brain gave up, lol; I can't believe that he's the one I write for the most, yet I'm actually a little stumped here.
We've seen how soft Crosshair can be, but we also know he's the youngest sibling a little shit (affectionately) sometimes, so I'm trying to find a middle ground for this.
In my preceding headcanons, I mentioned how he'd be avoidant and annoyed (@ himself, but he'll make it everyone's problem) by the realization that he loves you, so I'm certain that his confession might take among the longest.
Obviously, he'll need to continue his healing journey first, and I can also see him be more open around Omega about the whole situation, indirectly asking for her help when it comes to the whole ''being in love'' ordeal.
His confession can go different ways, I think; what I have in mind is him finding you when you're alone - no, he won't actively pull you aside, but he'll wait for a moment to approach you when there's no one around to interrupt.
He'll start it off with some snarky remark, or some sassy comment on whatever you're doing - it's his way of getting a conversation started; you'll engage, obviously, and now it can go either way, really.
I'm torn, since I think if you gave him your undivided attention, he'd be too nervous and uncertain to confess properly; he'd eventually just dismiss his feelings in that moment and deflect to a different topic.
When you don't give him your full attention right away, he'll be able to gather more courage as he leads the conversation in the right direction; eventually, he'll say something to make you turn around and look at him - by then, he might just be standing right in front of you.
That's when soft!Crosshair comes through; he'll be hesitant, unsure how to put it, but he'll ultimately voice his thoughts and feelings rather rationally. There won't be a big ''I love you'', nor anything that direct, but it'll be a pure confession of love.
First Kiss
So, soft!Crosshair is how I headcanon him, and his first kiss will also be fitting that version of him; sure, I totally understand the people that write him differently (and I adore those fics, etc.), but I'll be sticking with this version of him.
Once again, I am torn between different possibilities; now, as I'm writing this, I feel like that first kiss would happen at the same time as his confession.
After he confesses, it's basically just the two of you standing there and staring at each other, having admitted your feelings. And I can see him take that moment to just go ''Screw it,'' drop his defense walls and kiss you.
I feel like you won't even register that he's going for a kiss until it's happening, because you just didn't expect him to, but after that confession, Crosshair felt like he'd risk everything for you, and then that urge to kiss you took over.
Another way I can see his first kiss play out is when it comes to one of those ''life or death'' situations; yes, that kinda clashes with the soft!Crosshair talk, but have you seen how protective he is of Omega?
Imagine something happening to you, you nearly dying or getting taken by the Empire; Crosshair will be losing his mind, especially after you've confessed your love to each other sometime before that.
I can see him just drop his walls in front of everyone when he gets you back, kissing you in that moment without even registering the people around him. That's obviously a moment in which everyone would kiss their lover, but in Crosshair's case, I feel like this is also big enough to be his proper first kiss, yk?
welp, if y'all want these (and the preceding) headcanons for some of our other clones...let me know!
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inkskinned · 1 year
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oh you know it's all latestage capitalism but the thing is. how are you supposed to be a person inside of this. a person trying to be a better version of yourself.
oh, you started working young, which was kind of hard, but it's just the way stuff works sometimes. and it was 2008 and your family couldn't afford heat. but it's fine, you grow a spine and get used to the professional world and besides it was the suburbs we're talking about here, like, your life could have been actually hard, so what if your father lost his job and you can't afford to move or turn the lights back on. and once you start making money, it's good. you keep doing that. because now they're relying on you. so you have to do that.
oh you were in thousands of dollars of debt at 17 years old so that you could go to school, because you have to go to school if you want to get a "real" job. you even did it "right", you worked parttime and attended community college before you transferred to a public school. you were under so many merit scholarships.
which is fine. you pick yourself up and you say like, okay. i graduated college. i'm holding down a job. i'm doing the Adult Thing, which looks and acts like this, according to all the books i've read. you start with the shitty job and then you climb that corporate ladder.
but the shitty job doesn't cover rent and you stretch yourself too-thin so you get sick. good luck with that. the shitty job no longer pays for your meals. everyone asks why you don't just move, but there's nowhere to move to. and with what money are you going to be moving? and then the loans come back, because they were never going to forgive them, because you were 17 and trying to do the right thing, which was stupid. people are now saying you shouldn't have even gone to school.
which is fine. but because you have no other option, so you do the shitty job, and you apply every day for like 5 new ones, and despite the fact everyone says "there's no one who wants to work!" it's actually just that nobody is fucking hiring so you can either work for 13 dollars an hour in the shitty place you know (where at least you have a passingly friendly relationship with the manager) or you can start from scratch again with a different 13 dollars an hour without knowing how much abuse from the new job you'll be taking.
and if you quit you lose your insurance. if you quit you lose your housing. if you quit, you'll be another burnout kid. the lazy ones. these assholes, look at them!
and you come home to a family dinner and you hear from your father the same old thing. how he worked hard at his job and yes it sucked for a while but he was able to provide for the family and then the house and the dog and the rest of barbie's dream vacation. how the insurance did cover some of it. how you just really need to start speaking up more in manager conversations so they know you're a go-getter. you want to tell him - did you know we're actually doing more now hourly than any previous generation? - but you can't remember where you heard that statistic, and you're far too tired for the fucking argument. and then he starts in on his usual bit. where's the house? where's your kids? where's your ambition.
the same job the same money the same hours doesn't do it anymore. the same nose-to-the-grindstone now just shreds your face off. there's no such thing as upwards mobility, not really. and as far as you're aware, the money certainly is not trickling. you do the soulless stupid shit you signed up for because you fucking have to or else you literally risk your life (food, the apartment, the insurance), but it's not getting you anything. you download the stupid "save more" app and you budget and you do every right thing and then the price of eggs is 7 dollars and you say - oh great! another thing i have to fucking worry about now!
and you go to your stupid job and everyone in your father's generation just tells you to be better about being an adult. they have their homes and their savings account and their bailout and they say. well have you tried not drinking starbucks. well your generation just spends too much on clothing. well you might just be too addicted to travelling. and you - because you need the job - you bite your tongue and don't say i am being held prisoner and you're suggesting i stop pacing my cell if i don't like the scenery and you don't say what the fuck do you think i've been doing with my money and you don't say i haven't spent a cent on something nice in literally forever much less coffee you arrogant asshole. you open and close your bank app and check your loans and check your credit score and check fucking zillow and ziprecruiter and apartments.com just one time more. and still they give you that demeaning little grin and say - see, what you need is -
what you need is for your meds to stop being so fucking expensive. what you need is for the housing bubble to explode into dust. what you need is for billionaires to choke on their wealth. what you need is actual help. what you will get is more economic advice from people who are older-and-wiser.
and above you, almost in a glimmer, you can see the wedged smile of your debt getting toothier, wider.
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cottoncandyopinions · 1 month
Text
It's wild how on one side of my dash I see people talking about the real issues of transmasc erasure, "you're taking our lesbians away" terf rhetoric, and the ways that trans men are expected to accept ostracisation within leftist spaces without ever advocating for themselves...
Meanwhile on the other side, I see lots of "The MRA's are back, anyone that speaks about transmasc issues are transmisogynists, if you didn't immediately decide transandrophobia is an invalid concept then you're a bigot" type hysteria and it all just pisses me off.
Like trans men will spend their entire life til now perceived as women, expected to be quiet, expected to obey and be a resource to others without taking up too much space or having needs themselves. And upon realizing they're trans, finding their community, and thinking maybe this is a place they can find some modicum of comfort, the community says "no."
We don't want your voice or your struggles, because it doesn't fall in line with the rhetoric. It's not a part of the theory.
SJ theory generalizes, that's the nature of it. It's used to describe society as a whole, and how systemic oppressions operate. Broad academic theory isn't meant to for you to apply it precisely the same way to the individual.
That's what being intersectional is supposed to be about! You're not supposed to say "well systemically men are oppressors, so this man I just met is actively looking to oppress me" when you meet a homeless black man in a wheel chair.
I'm just so tired of the dynamic where in leftist spaces we can't share our stories and pain because they have to align with our ideas of who's the oppressor or not.
To this day, I feel terrified to open up about the fact that an older woman sexually assaulted me as a teen, because I'm so afraid someone will say I'm just targeting lesbians, or that my story promotes predatory stereotypes and shouldn't be shared. I can't talk about shit like that because I know that outside my closest friends, others in leftists spaces don't want to hear about that.
This is all over the place but I'm just so frustrated. Seeing people that have been boiling over, keeping their mouth shut, playing nice even when it's unfair to them, daring to open their mouths to speak all the while trying to be careful, only to still get attacked and made into bigots.
It's like there's no amount of bowing and saying your troubles are meaningless and insisting other people have it worse that will let you be "allowed" to talk about what hurts you.
We're supposed to be past one-upmanship and oppression olympics, it's not about who's had it worse it's about what we can fucking do about it TOGETHER.
And that means being able to drop your academic theory and shit to engage with the people in your community as fucking human beings. That means being able to seriously consider the validity of criticism instead of knee-jerk rejecting it.
Also please stop accusing literally anyone talking about intra-community bullying of talking over people being killed or shit like that, you know damn well that people are capable of caring about multiple issues
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julietheidiot · 14 days
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Very useless and cringe fact: All of my ocs are straight. Like me......that's it lol.
#I know this is probably PROBABLY gonna offend a bunch of people suddenly but to tell the truth-#they've always been that way the second I created them.#I just thought I was doing the right thing by making them NOT straight just bc I saw others making THEIR ocs that way.....#In other words. I wasn't really being myself/being true to myself. I was just following what others were doing and I kinda regret it :/#and remember when I said two years ago that I supposedly 'crushed on fictional girls' too? That was also a lie#I KNOW that I'm straight. I AM straight. Once again I was lying to myself by following what the others were doing just to look ''cooler''#and to fit in#one of the things were to make my ocs that way but....it didn't really work lmao. Sorry#I'm sorry for lying about myself in the beginning when I first joined Tumblr two almost three years ago.#I admit to being a ''cishet'' and to lying about myself just to try to 'fit in' & 'make friends that we have stuff in common with'.........#turns out the only real thing me and my online friends have in common are the fandoms we are in and that we are just really good buds lol#most of them at least ig-#uhhhh anyways I think I'm going to be very much hated for this but uhm....that's all I really needed to say#that I was being a phoney by trying to 'fit in' and one of thr things I tried to involve in 'fitting in with others on here' was making my-#--ocs not straight. even though it doesn't really matter (other than the fact people will call me boring now lmao)#so ye. I really only like fictional males and males in general and that's really it#thanks for coming to my little cringey talk I guess...#glad I got that off of my chest. Time to lose some followers I guess even though I didn't say anything HORRENDOUSLY bad :D#not art#rambling tag#Stfu Julie
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scroldie · 11 months
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the whole genre of posts abt the mutual of your mutual having you blocked is kinda bizarre to me. i mean some of it is funny but honestly why should i give a fuck
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strawberry-jackalope · 6 months
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my internship is gonna make my hair fall out from stress, I just know it
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joycrispy · 7 months
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I wanna talk about The Angel Who Would Be Crowley.
Because I had a certain set of expectations, which got thoroughly trashed in the first five minutes of S2, and my genuine response is, "Oh, fuck, yup. You're right. That's WAY better."
Looking around at GO fandom, I'm not alone in this. So let's talk about it.
Basically, a lot of people (myself included) believed that he was a high-ranking angel, and therefore as chilly and remote as every other powerful angel we'd seen at that point. We pictured Crowley-To-Be as long-haired, regal and imposing --and the fanart at the time reflected this. I'd link some if Tumblr didn't hate links.
Something like this:
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We were collectively drawing on a few things --mostly, Crawly's appearance and general bearing in the Biblical scenes of S1--
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--But also scattered hints of his importance, backed up by conspicuous absences in Heaven and a few profound displays of power. That's all better covered elsewhere, so I won't reiterate the arguments here. All I'm saying is: I think our headcanons were justified.
But it turns out he was this:
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!!!
With his curly little--!!
And his neat white--!!
IT TURNS OUT, he was an angel who squeaked and squealed when he was happy; who flailed his arms around and made explosion noises with his mouth to explain nebulas; who preened when told his stars were pretty. Furfur, who knew him before the Fall, says:
"You used to jump on me back, little monkey in a waistcoat..."
(The use of a diminutive there, 'little'...oh, that fascinates me.)
In a pretty huge subversion of expectations, we're given these glimpses of an angel who was sweet, and joyful, and heart-meltingly silly.
In sum...an innocent.
(Perhaps innocent to a troubling degree.
We see how he troubles Aziraphale, during their first conversation. He starts looking around and behind them, checking to make sure that no one can HEAR the blithe and reckless things coming out of this angel's mouth. This angel who talks like he's never been reprimanded in his life; like it's never occurred to him that anyone would want to hurt him.
Before the Beginning, Aziraphale understood Heaven better than he did. The danger is plainly occurring to Aziraphale.)
So now, we the viewers are in on a cruel joke that Aziraphale has known all along, which is that this --THIS-- is the angel who--
*checks notes*
--did a million lightyear freestyle dive into a boiling pool of sulphur. For asking questions.
...Imagine you are Aziraphale, and everything inside you wants to believe Heaven are the Good Guys, and God is Good and Everything She does is capital-R Right...and now try to reconcile that. Keep trying. I don't think he ever totally managed it in 6000 years.
All this gets further complicated when we learn that, despite all of the above, we were still right. That sweet excitable babby up there?
He WAS a powerful and high-ranking angel.
That much is explicitly confirmed, with significant evidence that he could have been among the mightiest of archangels...
...Who apparently accosted his fellow angels for piggyback rides. And was remembered millennia later by those (now fallen) angels as something 'little.'
What does that tell us about who he was? Is?
Hell, Aziraphale has known to be wary of the archangels (and the judgements of Heaven in general) since before the Fall even happened. He chooses to believe they are Good; he can't fool himself into thinking they are Safe.
Yet he's absolutely certain that Crowley won't hurt Job's children. Enough to stand in a burning building and say to them, "I can't save you, but don't be afraid. I won't need to."
And what reason does he give?
("I know you."
"You do not know me."
"I know the angel you were.")
What does that tell us about who he was? Is?
("The angel you knew is not me."
But how is Aziraphale supposed to believe that, when he can see him all the time?)
tl;dr --yes, this is better. I love the tragedy of it.
'Innocence died screaming' and all that.
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kachulein · 9 months
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I'm proud of myself for being able to make it all the way home and wait until I was in my room to start sobbing🤧
#to hell with that stupid pmdd#during that time every lil thing makes me cry and i hate it#i had an 9am gym session#my second of the 36 sessions of prevention training (idk the right word in english) after surgery & physical therapy#and it was fine and all#but then at the end my trainer asked when i wanted the next session#and i asked for towards the end of next week#because i'll be busy trying not to die from endo this weekend and the beginning of next week#and i thought i might be able to barely function towards the end of the week#but then he was like 'you gotta train 2-3x a week'#yeah normally that would be fine but!! not!! during!! my!! endo!! week!!#but of course i didn't have the confidence to explain it because talking to people is so hard for me#so now i have a gym session during the worst days of the month and idk how i'm supposed to do any exercises when i can barely walk#ppl who just don't know the immense pain that comes with endo... god i wish i could talk more openly about that#and especially tell men that it just isn't possible to get anything done during that time#so yeah#of course i was upset because it didn't go as i planned#and i was upset that i once again wasn't able to put my boundaries in place#and then i just walked past so many people on my way home#and i hate that so much because passing by strangers makes me uncomfortable#so in the end i just needed a good sobbing session#while jinnie was sleeping next to me :')#but now i'll probably dive back into my book#forget that this world exists and ignore all the tasks i have to complete#because i've had 5 appointments this week and i am dead now#kachu rambles
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taylor-titmouse · 1 month
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hey i want to talk about how you should be promoting your work as an erotic author/illustrator
i'm writing this up because the marketing aspect of my work as an erotic author/illustrator is a science to me, and also because i'm the guy who gets unreasonably annoyed when i see other creators not properly advertising their work. you presumably want to make money off your work. this post will be written under the assumption you want to make money off your work but are doing a bad job at it. it will be very confrontational. if you read this and feel attacked you're right and i am attacking you.
this is geared toward selling erotic comics/writing/books/art as products. i will probably write more than one post about this subject so if i didn't touch on something you want to know more about, comment/send me an ask and i'll keep it in mind for the next one.
i will start with my first and least specific but most important point:
DON'T GET FUCKING CUTE
hi are you paying attention. i'm gripping you by the sides of your face. do not get fucking cute with what you are trying to sell. you are not a big enough property to get cute, nobody LIKES it when big properties get cute, and you are selling porn. you have to own this. you have to be up front about this. don't be tongue in cheek, don't be all teehee i wonder what this could be~, don't be secretive. you are selling a product. you have to fucking act like it. you are an adult selling pornography to other adults. i am GRIPPING your HEAD you NEED to understand this.
and to be clear when i say 'cute' i mean coy. i don't mean cutesy, as in the aesthetic. you can be as hello kitty pastel ten emojis a post uwu as you like when you're building your audience and generating hype. but when you start trying to sell, don't be vague, don't be sarcastic, don't mislabel your work as a joke and assume everyone is on it. because they're not.
you must always assume 75% of the people seeing the thing you are advertising have no fucking idea who you are. and that includes a huge chunk of the people who already follow you. they do not know who you are or what you've been working on for two months or why they should care about it. they just got here. somebody just reposted it. they are seeing it for the first time. most people are only looking at social media for a tiny chunk of their day. they are not keeping up with you. you cannot get cute about what you are trying to sell because nobody knows what it is until you tell them.
okay are you still with me. we are going to talk about clarity now.
YOU GOTTA TELL ME WHAT IT IS
good lord the amount of times i have gone to buy somebody's comic or book and had no idea what's actually in it or what it's about. who are the characters? why should i care about them? what do they do in it? what is the premise of this thing you want me to spend $5 on? why would you not tell me? i'm shaking you again. please i have to know what i'm buying i only have so much money to spend on porn.
porn, arguably more than any other genre, relies on knowing exactly what is in it. you do not want to surprise your readers with a kink they were unaware of! and on the flip side, you do not want to miss out on your target audience! if your book contains a hot spider babe laying eggs in an elf, you have to say so. not just so people who don't want to read about eggs know it isn't for them, but so the people who are egg crazy can see that and go "oh fuck YES i love EGGS here is my $5 and an extra $2 tip for catering to me specifically". a contents/features list is as much an advertisement as it is a warning!
as for re: who the characters are and why should i care, i'm sorry but you need to learn how to write sales copy. you have to write blurbs. you have to get good at the shit that goes on the back of a book. we all hate it but we have to do it. i want to know who the characters are and what the context is. i, personally, am not interested in contemporary stories as much as fantasy and historical. please tell me what genre this porn exists in so i know if it aesthetically appeals to me. pull some books off your shelves and see how they do it. hell man go look at mine.
while you're there, note that every single book of mine has a sample of what's in it. this feels like such a no-brainer to me but again! the amount of times i have gone to buy somebody's work and they don't show me what their work looks like! you gotta give me the first page or two! just enough that i know if i like the way your writing sounds, or the way you draw your comics! i don't know you! i am not going to trust that you're good at what you do just based on a cover. the cover is to get me to this step, it is not the only step. you have to show me that you're worth spending my money on!
to put it less cynically, you want to catch my interest. you want me to go 'oh i want to see more of this', you want me to go 'ahh i want to know where this goes!' you need to get me invested and craving more. earn my $5!!!
YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT EASY TO GIVE YOU MONEY
hey go look at your bio right now. go look at your pinned post. do you have a link to your patreon there? do you have a link to your itchio/gumroad/whatever? do i have to click more than once to get to the places you want me to go to give you money? why? why are you making me click twice? have we learned nothing from every website making you click an extra time when they make some stupid UI update and how much it pisses us off? i have already given up, i have forgotten you, i am not giving you my $5 today. put your links in the easiest places to get to them.
god literally as i was writing this post i went to go find somebody's itchio to see how they described their work and it was not anywhere on their profile. grabbing you and shaking you PUT THE LINK WHERE I CAN FIND IT. don't make it hard! make it easy! i am a dickhead sitting on the toilet scrolling, saw your post, and was interested enough to read further. but you made me go to your bio to find your linktree and oops i have already gone back to my timeline to look at the boobies in the next post. stop wasting precious bio space on DNIs and put your fuckin links there!!!
this is more for the twitter people, but: just put the link in the damn post. just say the word commission. just say it's for patreon. "wuh wuh the algorithm" it is not the damn algorithm it's that everybody hates advertising and nobody wants to retweet ads. putting slashes in the words doesn't do anything and you look like a fool. i have posted so much art that says it's 'a commission for ___" and it did exactly as good as any other art despite having the word commission in it. and by doing the slashes you just made it impossible for anybody to search your account for your commission information (which should be at the VERY LEAST in a post under your pinned tweet if you're not actively posting about them being open).
okay that went on a tangent i'm going to back to the point of putting the link in the tweet. put it in the first post. not in the first reply. don't tell them to go to your bio. put it in the post people are actually going to share. it's fine to put more information in the thread but people are only ever going to share the first post. so put the link there. you have to make it easy. putting links in tweets can hurt you algorithmically, even in the replies. so you're better off having it in the post that actually gets seen and shared. i don't want to open the tweet and scroll to get to your sales page where i ASSUME you will have put all the information anyway. put it in the tweet that just got retweeted by itself onto my dash!
also you have to share it a ton of times. i repost my shit every few hours when i'm trying to push a new product. as i said before people are not 24/7 looking at their timelines. they missed it the first time. they missed it the second time. they didn't get paid yet that week but they were after the eighth time and you reminded them again so they finally bought it. that i will still get sales every time i repost a book ad weeks after release says there are always people who missed it, or who only just showed up.
abandon your pride and shill. shills pay their bills. anyone who gets annoyed about it isn't giving you money in the first place. don't worry about looking like a sell out. don't apologize for plugging your own work. post about it often, post about it in different ways. post about it. post about it. you are not going to make money if people don't know you have something to sell them. if you want to make a career out of it, you need to act like it.
I DON'T HAVE A FOURTH POINT
kisses your forehead. i'm sorry for yelling at you. i've been making and publishing and selling adult art for the past two-three years and have got myself to the point where it pays my rent, and i got there by paying attention to what does and does not work.
please do your best to make money. i want you to make money.
as i said above i plan to write more posts on this subject, such as cover design, how to actually write sales copy, and best practices with running a patreon, but if there's things you would want to hear more about leave a comment or send an ask! i will probably be less aggressive on future topics. these are just things that have grinded my gears for a grip.
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writingouthere · 1 month
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exboyfriend!Sukuna x f!reader.
cw: smut, outdoor sex, angst, controlling behavior.
Your date was a disappointment.
The guy wasn't an asshole or anything, but at some point he'd talked about cryptocurrency for ten minutes straight without you saying a word and there was no coming back from that.
"I had a great time," he tells you as you stand on the subway platform after finally escaping the restaurant. You nod noncommittally and wonder if this is the part where he asks for your number. You're calculating the risk/reward of giving him a fake number and having him potentially call it while you're still right in front of him when you hear a familiar laugh from behind you.
"I doubt it," the voice says and you close your eyes. Maybe if you wish hard enough you can develop teleportation and not have to deal with this.
"I'm sorry, who are you?" your date asks, his voice only wavering a little as he looks at your ex-boyfriend. Honestly, you admire him. The sight of the tall, heavily tattooed (alleged) criminal was usually enough to make people cross the street to avoid him but not this accountant? Investment baker? Dentist? Fuck, he'd talked about his job for thirty minutes and you had not been listening. You would have guilty if you weren't actively judging him for not even noticing your lack of engagement.
Whatever, he probably wasn't brave, he was probably just an idiot.
Sukuna seemed to agree as he laughed again and put his hand on your shoulder.
"I'm her boyfriend."
Your date looked at him, looked at you, and seemed to be weighing if this was worth one mediocre date. He seemed frozen for a second until Sukuna took a step forward and the guy's previously dormant survival instincts seemed to awaken and he booked it down the train platform.
Once he was out of sight, you took Sukuna's hand and dropped it off your shoulder like a fallen leaf that had got stuck on your jacket.
"Are you following me, now?" You wouldn't have put it past him. You turn to face your ex who looks not only unrepentant for his little routine but vindicated. Or maybe he just looks vindictive, you can never tell.
"Are you going on dates with any loser that asks?" He tosses back and you roll your eyes.
"You didn't even meet him."
"So, he wasn't a loser? And you weren't deciding if it was worth giving him a fake number and having him call you right then?"
You hated that he knew you so well.
"He seemed the type to call," you concede and Sukuna scoffs.
"Absolutely, that fucker is. Women have been giving that dumb fuck fake numbers since he was begging for them with his little Nokia flip phone."
"Is Nokia still a thing?" you ask and Sukuna glares at you.
"Do I look like Google to you? Hey, don't try to district me, princess. We were talking about how you seem to have gotten it into your mind that you can cheat on me with any guy with a pulse."
"I'm not cheating on, we're not together," you tell him as your train pulls up. You don't bother protesting as he follows you on it, even though you know the old apartment you used to share is in the other direction from your new place.
"The fuck we're not," he seethes. The other riders look at you and you see one or two guys deciding if it's worth trying to get involved but you're more concerned about the teenage girl who looks ready to fight this asshole for you. God, you loved women.
"You're making a scene," you tell him and he looks ready to make the scene Oscar worthy before you give him the look that used to make him not call your friends' babies ugly when you went to birthday parties.
"Where can we talk then?"
"I'm not taking you to my place," you say and he sucks his teeth.
"Then let's go home."
"You mean to your home."
Sukuna looks furious but you're not in the mood. You had just spent the past two hours on a terrible date, which made you think about how dating was just going to be like this until you found a new boyfriend or gave up, which then made you think about your break up and how up until a few months ago, you thought you would never go on a first date with anyone ever again.
You hated that Sukuna had put you here and you hated that you still loved him.
"I'm not leaving until we talk about this."
"There's nothing to talk about."
You're so tired, Sukuna is so close and it's been so long since you got to smell him or feel his warmth. Your apartment was still barely furnished but everything in it was new and it still didn't feel like home. The one sweatshirt of his you'd let yourself take had stopped carrying his scent weeks ago, and just being close to him now, it made something in you relax. Like you were finally home.
"There fucking is," he hisses and now he's so close you can make out the scar on his jaw and the fullness of his lips. You used to tease him that you'd never met a man whose lips were as soft as his. He may have looked like tough shit, but you would never catch him out of the house without lotion and chapstick.
You wondered if he was still using the cherry chapstick you had bought him at the grocery store the week before you'd broken up.
"Are you going to marry me? Are you going to give me a baby?"
"Princess-"
"Then there's nothing to talk about," you say and you thank whoever's watching that the train is pulling up to your stop. You get off and Sukuna is right on your heels.
"You don't even want those things right now, why the fuck does it even matter?"
"I want them eventually and if you're not willing to give them to me, then I just don't think I need to keep wasting my time."
You're roughly dragged into a nearby alley and tossed against a brick wall. Sukuna's hand cups the back of your head, taking the force of the slam and you hate that he watches out for you even when he's being a controlling jackass.
"Being with me is wasting your time? Who the fuck do you think you are?"
"Not your girlfriend," you snap back. "Let go, I want to go home."
"Fuck you," he tells you and you're about ready to fight him, grown scary man or not when he leans down and his lips are on yours.
They taste like cherry chapstick.
His hand on the back of your head tightens, his thumb pressing against your neck and making you shiver. His other hand is pressed tight to your jaw and when you gasp against his mouth, he presses down as if he can hold you open and consume you so you can't leave him again.
His muscled thigh is in between yours and you can feel the rough texture of his jeans, the same pair he wore to work, the same pair you'd put through the washing machine a thousand times, rub against where your legs are only covered in tights. The shorter than usual skirt meant to entice your date, and instead it was being taken advantage of by your ex-boyfriend.
Sukuna let go of your face so he could put his hand underneath the fabric of your skirt.
"New outfit?" He teases as his hand slides to the top of your tights.
"Got it for my date," you snap and he growls at you before he rips the seams of your tights. Before you can complain, he's dragging them down your thighs and diving into your panties so he can get to your cunt. The underwear is new too and a pained noise leaves you at the sensation of them snapping against your inner thigh, both at the pain and the thought of how much they cost.
"I still have those blue ones you like at home, the ones you wore for my birthday last year," he tells you as he slides his finger down the seam of your cunt. You're wet and it annoys you because orgasming has been a bitch to achieve since you had to start giving them to yourself again.
"You can keep them," you tell him and he bites your lower lip between his teeth, they'd always felt too sharp for a man and you know you're a twitch or a less than playful nibble away from a busted lip.
"They're not really up for wearing anymore anyway."
You want to ask him what he means by that as he kisses down your neck and thrusts one finger into you, the slide almost unholy.
"So fucking wet, your cunt was always better at talking than you were."
The sensation of being filled even though it's not enough it's not enough begins to itch at your need to be satisfied as your mind fills in the gaps of his previous words.
You can imagine Sukuna in the bed you used to share, the dark blue sheets and the comforter covered in a black pattern that had reminded you of the marks that covered his body. One hand holding your favorite pair of panties and the other his big cock, that sometimes you missed even more than him.
Did he use the panties to jerk off with, the fabric just an expensive tissue for his cum? Did he hold them to his nose and pretend he could still smell your pussy on them in the bed that used to smell like both of you? You had tried watching porn and reading smut, the stuff you had relied on before you were together, and nothing compared to what it felt like to come from his fingers, his tongue, his cock.
The only times you had touched yourself when you were together were when Sukuna had wanted to watch, his commentary pushing you to the edge. He had always known what to say.
Good girl, now try two fingers for me. Not enough? Do you need my cock? Fucking slutty princess, eh?
No matter how demeaning his words were, you had never felt true shame because his desire for you was always apparent. Sukuna never held back praise where he felt it was deserved, and he had always been quick to let you know that what you were doing was pleasing him.
"Pay attention to me, princess. I'd hate to think I was boring you." The words are laced with cruelty and the added pressure of a second figure is harsh, too soon, and still not enough.
The hand in your hair tightens, but the grip still careful not to mess it up beyond repair. Something you'd been adamant about in the beginning days of your relationship. The gentleness of it, of him, makes you cry out.
Since Sukuna was the only one who still seemed cognizant of how you were in an alley, only a right turn from being on a public sidewalk, he was quick to catch your moan in his mouth. Nearly purring in reply, a ridiculous thing for a ridiculous man to do.
"Fuck, that's it. No one else can make you feel like this, this cunt is fucking mine."
"Yes," you hiss out in agreement. Pleased with your concession, Sukuna's thumb swipes over your clit as he continues his punishing rhythm with his fingers. You can hear how wet you are as it echoes off the brick around you. Even though it's cold outside, you feel almost too hot between the warmth of his body shielding yours from the world around you and the heat that's continuing to build up in your core.
"So close, I know you are. Beg me, princess and I might let you come," he whispers in your ear and you would feel embarrassed of the whine you let out if you weren't so close.
"Please, Sukuna. Please, let me come!"
"I don't know. Not sure if I should reward you since you've apparently being going around giving this pussy to fucking anyone."
You shake your head. "No, I haven't slept with anyone since we broke up."
Sukuna kisses you so hard, you're grateful for the hand behind your head because you know his knuckles must be bruised from the force he kisses you with. Sukuna pulls back, a string of saliva connecting his lips to yours and you hate that you find that hot. That this whole thing is hot.
For a second, the softness in his eyes takes your breath away and you almost forget about where you are and what you're doing and why it's the worst idea you've ever had. He's just Sukuna, the love of your life and you miss him so much.
You think he might say something crazy like he loves you or even propose but then the softness is gone and he just grins at you.
"Alright, come then, you've earned it."
With permission granted, Sukuna focuses his attention on your clit in just that way you like in the way that only someone who's done this hundreds of times could do. He's definitely leaving hickies around your collarbone and neck, but for now they feel good and when you come, you bite your lip knowing it will be bruised. A reminder of how you're an idiot when you look at it in the mirror tomorrow.
Still soft with your orgasm, you reach down to return the favor but Sukuna grabs your hand.
"I'm not walking around with cum in my jeans," he tells you, kissing your palm. Typical of him, to end something crass with something sweet. You sigh as he puts you back down on the ground. You pull up what remains of your tights, the fabric uncomfortable on your quickly drying thighs. Your ripped panties lie on the ground and Sukuna looks at them forlornly before shaking his head, dirty alleyway panties apparently being too much even for him.
Sukuna grabs the bag you'd dropped when he'd kissed you and gestures for you to exit the alley. A few passersby give you strange looks but you figure if you were going to be arrested for public indecency, it would have happened already.
"I guess we're going to mine," you say. "I live like another two blocks this way."
"I know," Sukuna says already heading that way.
You blow a piece of hair out of your eye. "Of course you do."
When Sukuna actually types in the passcode to your building you almost lose it, but you're tired and honestly you had kind of expected to just come home to him already in your apartment at some point. Sukuna had never been great at respecting boundaries. Or the law.
You unlock the door to your apartment, it takes everything in you not to ask if he already has a key. You don't want to know. He follows you in and the two of you sit at the dingy two person table you have set up by one of the only windows.
"Cozy."
"Fuck you." He smirks in that way that has always made you want to punch him and you're reminded that you're currently wearing shredded tights.
"Sukuna, you wanted to talk. So talk."
The smirk leaves his face and he looks at his nails, pressing his thumb against the one on his pointer finger and then looking through the 'o' formed there. "You left."
"I did."
He looks at you. "Why?"
"You know why," you say, tired again.
"Sure, you want to get married at some point. You want a baby at some point. I don't see what that has to do with us, right now."
"Because right now leads to that some point. It doesn't just happen. There are things I want, that are important to me. If they're not important to you, then I need to find someone who has the same priorities as me."
"Because I'm not your priority," he says and this is the rehash of an argument you'd had a thousand times. Sukuna was selfish and possessiveness and while that had always granted you a certain security, it had also been a chain you'd constantly worn around your ankle. You weren't going to defend your time at work or with friends to your boyfriend. That belonged to a different time, to different women and it had been a nonnegotiable early in your relationship that he figure that shit out with himself.
"Sukuna, I love you but I'm not going to give up what I want for my future because you don't want it. You don't have to want it, in fact I appreciate that you've been honest about it-"
"So appreciative, you left me," the words are almost snarled and you sigh.
"That's not fair. You can't be mad I want something else, the same way I'm not mad that you want something else. It's not a character flaw to not want to get married, or to not what kids. It just means you have a person out there for you who shares that view. Because it's not me."
"Why can't it be enough to just have a life with the two of us?"
"It's not about whether or it's enough, it's about me wanting something else."
There's a pause. Sukuna claws at the dents already in your battered table and deepens the grooves as you try not to flinch at the sound of his nails bearing down on wood.
Finally, he responds. "You know, I spent my childhood, my teens and a lot of adulthood raising Yuuji because our piece of shit parents couldn't be bothered and let me tell you. It's fucking hard. It is constant and they need so much for you. I didn't do anything but work and watch him for almost two decades and I don't want to do that again. I want my own life."
"I understand," you tell him. "That was a lot, even if you did a great thing by taking him in."
"It wasn't because I was nice. You seem to be forgetting that I'm a murderer. And you want me to fucking watch Bluey with some brat."
"You may not be nice but you do right by the people you care about. I also don't think you've murdered a baby, it would probably be okay."
"That's more incidental than a conscience choice," he says and you know he has to hear how ridiculous he sounds.
"Alright. I respect your decision but for what it's worth, we're not kids anymore and you wouldn't be doing this alone. I think Yuuji turned out pretty great because he had you, and I think any kid of our would be lucky to have you as a dad."
"You would really do all that with me," he says and his voice is as close to wonderous as you've ever heard it. "You really are a lost cause."
You try not to react, remind yourself that this is always how Sukuna responds to affection. He'd laughed at you the first time you'd told him you loved him. You'd punched him and broken your hand on his chin. He'd told you he loved you in the ER as the attendant resetting your hand looked on in horror.
"I think that's enough for today. Thanks for stopping by and for the orgasm, appreciate it," you say, rising from the chair. You walk the short trip to your door and open it. "Hope you have a safe trip home."
Sukuna stays seated. "That's it?"
"Yeah, Sukuna, that's it."
"And if I said I could do this, I could give you those things."
You think about it and look him over. How his hands twitch as if only his ego is preventing them from clenching. The clear trauma that was informing his previous stance.
"I'd say take some time and maybe talk to someone. I don't want to do this with someone who can just bring themselves to bear it. I want them to be as excited as me."
"That's asking for a lot from a guy."
"But someone will do it." Sukuna looks angry again and when he steps in your space, you push him gently away with your hand. He goes to hold it and even the familiar scrape of his calluses against your skin can't make you waver.
"Bye, Sukuna."
Sukuna looks at you, waiting for you to give in you know but you won't.
He leaves without another word.
When the door to the stairwell slams shut, you finally let yourself cry.
----------
It's been a month since you've seen Sukuna and you're on another date.
The guy is unoffensive. He gave you a hug when you met up and he'd made a joke about the plethora of other couples at the restaurant. You two started playing a game where you tried to guess how many dates each couple had been on?
"Three, she's finally figured out she can't put up with how he chews no matter how nicely coiffed his hair is," your date says as you take another sip of your drink.
"That's a second date, his chewing is a commit or quit type of deal and she looks ready to go. Bet they didn't eat together on their first date."
"Is he telling the plot to Dune, he has not stopped talking since we sat down," he says and you giggle despite yourself.
You've just started on the couple both looking determinedly at their phones by the window when your phone rings.
"Sorry, I need to take this," you say and he smiles.
"No worries, I'll let you know how many times she misses her mouth while looking at her phone."
You wave as you go to stand outside. You take a deep breath and then answer.
"Hey."
"Hey, princess. Bad time?"
"No, just, what do you want?"
"Well, I'm planning this first date with this girl and I'm having trouble figuring out how to explain something."
You want to throw up, what kind of test is this?
"What do you want to say?"
"Well, I've heard that it's important to be straightforward with your intentions, so you don't waste anyone's time."
"And what are your intentions?" You manage to spit out and he laughs, his smugness almost seeping out the phone.
"Well not anytime soon, but eventually I think I'd like a little brat. You know, prove to Yuuji that he wasn't a fluke."
You heart is pounding and you hate him. You love him.
"Uh huh."
"And I guess it would probably be easier to do that if we just got married. You know, taxes, healthcare, I still don't have healthcare but my wife will and I've heard you can add people to that."
"This proposal is the fucking worst one I've ever heard," you say, trying to ignore the fact you are now crying in front of a restaurant. People walk by giving you pitying looks, probably think you got stood up.
"It's not a proposal, it's a framing of intent."
"Why do you talk like such an old man, we are almost the same age?"
"Why do you talk like such a brat?"
"You know-"
"Probably," he says and you laugh despite yourself.
"So when is this date?"
"Tonight," he says. "You can wear that dress you're wearing, it looks perfect on you."
"Are you fucking here, you creep?"
"That's no way to talk to your future husband and no. That place is a shithole, I'm at our usual."
"Good, I've missed it. No one makes my drink the way I like it," you tell him and he hums.
"Well, it will be waiting for you when you get here. So get here soon."
"Alright, I'll see you soon."
Sukuna hangs up and you stand there. There's a perfectly nice guy inside. One who makes you laugh and who maybe one day you could grow to love.
But there's another guy across town who is sitting at your favorite restaurant, ordering your favorite drink. His lips taste like the organic chapstick, he claims to be too tacky to be worth wearing but keeps it in his pocket anyway. He built all your furniture and let you paint your bathroom green even though you live in a rental. He's held your hair back when you were sick and cleaned it up even as he bitched at you for the mess and done a rather cruel impression of you retching.
There's another guy that you love.
So you go back into the restaurant to tell your perfectly nice date that something has come up.
Maybe you're a fool, but what else could you do?
Maybe this will be a series, idk. Being an adult is weird. This is def ooc but you know, let me work through things and call them fiction. That's what this account is for.
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