#i have a problem don't judge me

[tearsonmarz]

Second time's a charm - Ethubs angst oneshot

This blurb takes place during Double Life.

Bdubs watched from a distance as his ex-joked about with his soulmate. He knew there was no changing fate, but he still longed for the days when he had all of Etho’s attention.

Bitterness began to envelope him as they walked off. The mental picture of the two hugging and enjoying each other’s company made him nauseous. He could come to grips with Etho being happy by himself. But seeing his arm wrapped around Joel was a too much for him. He had always understood that his favourite person in the world was beloved by all.

I mean, who could look at the man and not fall head over heels for him. Everything from his hair to the way he walked was eye catching. His voice deep and sweet like whisky. His eyes could stare into yours and you'd feel nothing other than a wave of comfort and love.

He never would admit it to Etho, but he was jealous. Bdubs missed the warmth that Etho brought into his world. The joy that they shared and their bond that felt unbreakable. He wanted to be the only one to see his smile; and he couldn’t stand to see Etho well off without him. He wanted to be Etho’s soulmate. But it wasn’t meant to be.

That didn’t mean that Bdubs wasn’t allowed to make his own happy memories. If anything, he was going to make the most out of his new companionship with Impulse. Even if his heart wasn’t fully invested yet.

[nixie-deangel]

just got a unhinged Hangster idea where Jake comes from a RICH family and who moonlights as a contract killer and is a serial killer, who meets completely ordinary Bradley, who is just absolutely drowning in debt, most from his mom's medical care and his university school and is working three jobs and just barely managing to scrape by and doesn't question this rich goes sudden interest in him.

nor does Bradly care when Jake starts insisting on buying him things, or paying for things because he's just so tried and lonely and just desperately wants someone to take care of him.

and who better to do that then a hot unhinged man, who seems to have money he wants to spend and just wants to make him happy?

just. Pillow princess pampered Bradley (it's what he deserves!!!) and service top Jake, who's covered in blood and blushing so pretty as Bradley breathily tells him how good he is, while he rails Bradley within an inch of his life.

I just have a mighty need y'all.

[lord-squiggletits]

A tangent from the tags of my previous Pharma post (and I just thought about this so bear w/ me if it's hastily reasoned) is that the Autobots being generally sanctimonious is actually sort of a reason why I find a lot of IDW Optimus interpretations to miss the mark, specifically the accusations of calling him stuff like self-righteous, caring more about principles than people, etc. And I know that sounds really ironic, but out of every Autobot (and almost every character period), Optimus is one of the few people who has a very forgiving/humanistic perspective on life or at least has a political approach of "if we don't stop fucking fighting we're going to be at war forever and eventually just kill ourselves."

He very explicitly wanted a diplomatic end to the war and not a military victory/conquest. He extended multiple offers to Megatron personally to work together and end the war (Autocracy trilogy, which was pre/early war, and Chaos Theory, which was late/end war, so from this we can assume Optimus' stance was consistent the whole time). When ppl hated him so bad they rioted he removed himself from the planet rather than argue or fight to justify why his actions were the best he could do. Sandstorm starts murdering Decepticons and Optimus solves the murders and then throws Sandstorm in prison bc sparing one of his Autobots the consequences of his actions is less important to Optimus than keeping the peace and making sure anyone who threatens to ignite wartime hostilities is punished for it. There are multiple characters throughout the series that other people give up on as too far gone or too cowardly/evil/damaged to be worth helping where Optimus alone is the person who says "I think they can get better/they did bad things but they're still people" such as the Dynobots, Blurr, Prowl (despite how OP's patience with him hung by a thread by the end of it), Shockwave, and, yknow, fucking Megatron of all people.

And on top of that Optimus' internal thoughts most of the time revolve around feelings of guilt, responsibility, anger, hopelessness/barely hanging on to his ideals, and so on. Bro regularly has thoughts about how the entire Autobot-Decepticon war was his fault and is depressed to the point the thought of dying/martyring himself makes him feel relieved. So like. Idk guys I don't think those are the personality traits/actions of a self-righteous person who thinks he's correct about everything and everyone who opposes him or fails his moral standards is just evil or whatever.

[look-at-the-stars-tonight]

the amount of effort that goes into figuring out what to cook and eat every day is RIDICULOUS. i used to think people were so weird and boring for eating the same thing every single day but it truly does make life so much easier

[wokeuplaughing]

today I kept noticing a customer sneering at me every time I looked over and after noticing a lot of fuckin people staring at me today I feel totally exhausted. being trans is so fuckin offensive to these people. all I have to do is be a short guy with acne and a scratchy voice and it makes them look at me like I'm grotesque

[stars-n-spice]

hey guys what the hell this isn't funny why am i grieving tech like he was an actual real person that i knew personally?

[frc-ambaradan]

I said I would have that poster printed and stuck on my wall. And yes, Your Honor, I am guilty.

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

[theflyingfeeling]

yes it's just me whining about the same thing for the billionth time, pls just scroll past nothing new to see here 👋

[the-whispers-of-death]

Me: *just chilling, listening to my music*

Also me: What if I made a ninth OC? I already know how I'm going to introduce him. The people are going to love him, he's so traumatized.

[toptophat]

Hmm, I suddenly gained the need to play Honkai Star Rail 🤔

Of course this isn't because of anything or anyone in particular

DAMNIT, I SAID NO ONE IN PARTICULAR!!!!

Jesus.... anyway, like I said, from completely out of nowhere I wanna try the game!

This is clearly not motivated by anyone, I don't have an immediate favourite charact-

HOW THE F*CK DID THAT GET THERE????

Uhhhhh, ignore that 😁

I gotta keep a list of how many fandoms I'm in 😭

[the-mechanisms-system]

me when i am experiencing my npd as Cant Trust Myself Disorder again

I already was pretty sure I had OCD. I've suspected for years. however I have very few/minor compulsions. anyway, it hasn't been that bad for a while.

friend is having a major OCD flare. very intrusive/disruptive compulsions. they talked to me about it because we're best friends!! we share our problems and help each other!

NPD responded by being like uh oh! they're more special than you now. they're sicker and more Troubled.

now I'm ruminating on my own OCD symptoms. do I actually have OCD? am I imagining it to be special (because of NPD)? did it go away? was it ever there to begin with?

oh I should purposefully give myself more intrusive thoughts and intentionally pick up compulsions to prove that I actually have OCD and be special again.

oh I wanna have more OCD symptoms on purpose??? well there's the proof that I'm faking.

but also I do experience intrusive thoughts and some compulsions.

but they haven't been that bad lately. (probably because they're often triggered by stress or certain situations and I've left the house like max twice a week often less for the past two months, but what if actually it's because they weren't significantly there in the first place)

I need them to come back I need to get worse so I will have the most disorders and be the sickest and I need to have more compulsions/different ones for it to be Real OCD

but also I probably just want that for attention

[fridayyy-13th]

i love having a totally normal, well-adjusted relationship with my parents (<- unwilling to go eat dinner or get medicine for his headache bc it requires passing the living room, where his parents are, and would initiate interaction with them whether he wants it or not)

[forcebookish]

I'm convinced the only reason mew gets "bad friend" allegations is bc they want their fave character to be coddled and enabled. now if he did THAT then he would be a shitty friend but he is telling ray exactly what he needs to hear. especially after years of the same exact cycle and nothing changing. and even then mew is way too forgiving imo bc if someone did half the shit that ray did to me I would walk away for good. and I think a lot of this fandom forgets that trauma can be a reason for things but it's not an excuse especially when you are grown and know exactly what you need to do but still refuse to do it. (sorry if this seems unsympathetic or whatever I'm just very tired of the babying of a certain character)

you said it, anon!

ray is an adult who is responsible for his own actions, full stop. and the craziest part about all this is that mew does kind of enable him: he goes drinking with him and forgives him even when he crosses lines he never should have crossed. i agree that mew is too forgiving, and it looks like he's going to forgive him again. not only did he ruin mew's birthday by sharing the audio, ray then yelled at and talked shit at all their friends (while high) and accosted/physically threatened mew's boyfriend and other "best friend" (😒). mew only punched ray because he was picking a fight with everyone and threatening to out top, again, in front of all their friends and on his birthday - and he wouldn't stop after being repeatedly told to and asked to leave.

and same, anon, if my friend did that to me i'd cut him out. the only way that i would let him back in my life is if he got 100% sober, and he'd have to be for a while. as far as i'm concerned, ray burned the bridge himself. i'd tell him, "this is your rock bottom, finally do something about it." and often, cutting someone off is the wake-up call they need to figure their shit out. (but it looks like ray's car crash in the next episode is going to be his wake-up call.)

but you're right, mew keeps telling him he shouldn't day drink, do drugs, and drive while under the influence.

side-note: when boston agreed to take ray home and therefore ray was actually his responsibility, he abandoned him and fucked off to have sex with a stranger lol

i mean, i'm not saying that anyone who thinks mew is a bad friend automatically thinks that boston is a good friend but still. (tbh another reason people may say mew is a bad friend is to make themselves feel better about how his shitty friends treat him lol this fandom looooooooooves to say, "everyone's an asshole" and that means everyone can do anything to anyone else and therefore it's fine actually lmao) (not how that fucking works)

but apparently mew's a bad friend because he lets ray make his own shitty ass decisions, like an adult? because he can't drive him home????? i'm sorry, should mew get a driver's license and car just so he can drive ray home when he's drunk? mew has to be his fucking nursemaid in order to be considered a "good friend?" not even going to get into how gross it is that they hate mew for not liking ray back.

above all, mew values autonomy. he makes his own decisions and he expects others to live the same way: this includes ray. he wants what he thinks is best for them (and he's usually right), but he believes they should think and act for themselves.

(you know, even when he, ah, incentivizes them, re: top's drug use lol it's still top's decision. mew doesn't want a boyfriend who does drugs and he wants to have sex. two birds, one stone.)

we're years into their friendship now, and ray has been an alcoholic and drug ab/user since they were twenty, maybe even earlier if he was drinking underage. the flashback where mew saves his fucking life (oh, it's only good when sand does it?🙄), ray already has a drinking problem and has gotten himself into trouble because of it, having to lean on mew multiple times to the point that mew is obviously frustrated about being called in the middle of the night after the umpteenth time. which is understandable! it's not mew's job to be at ray's beck and call; he's not his dad, he's not his boyfriend - and even then, that's a lot to put on anyone when you don't even seem to try to be changing (he's literally drinking in the next scene! okay!!!!! is mew supposed to smack it out of his hand in order to be a "good" friend? again, autonomy!!!!). ray says he's a burden but he doesn't do anything about it. mew's been his dedicated "emergency staff" again and again, and it's not his responsibility to take care of ray all the time.

ray's biggest problem is that he thinks he doesn't have a problem: he'll get so drunk (and high) he can barely walk and he'll say he's not drunk and then try to drive!!!!!! that shit isn't okay!!! in fact, it's inexcusable!

you know, i was thinking that the "superiority complex" allegations against mew were about his being (slightly) judgmental about boston sleeping around (which mew obviously only says because he wants him to be happy. even if he has a narrower idea of happiness, he just wants what he thinks is best for boston - but he doesn't shame or even tell boston he should settle down, even while boston is constantly saying that mew should lose his virginity to the point of obsession🙄 anyway), but it might have more to do with ray, and mew having a problem with him drinking himself to death lol

mew is the only one to tell ray he should stop drinking and using drugs and... that means he has a superiority complex? being worried about his alcoholic friend whose mom died of alcohol poisoning? he's the only person who tells him to stop drinking and using - that doesn't make mew a bad friend, that makes him ray's only good friend. even sand, who has had to physically struggle with ray to keep him from driving under the influence, LITERALLY SUPPLIES HIM WITH ALCOHOL AND DRUGS OH MY GOD

all this to say, you're so right, anon. wayyyyy too many folks in this fandom will find any reason to excuse ray's behavior, no matter who he hurts or how bad it gets. nothing is ever his fault despite making his own decisions and taking his own actions and facing his own consequences.

thanks for stopping by, anon!💖💖 you weren't unsympathetic, you were real. more people in this fandom need to talk about and realize how fucked up all of this is - especially since it's so realistic. he's a pathetic little meow meow, yes, but that doesn't make the way that he treats his friends and endangers others automatically okay. and you can like him as a character without blaming others for his own issues and acting like he's a fucking baby who can do no wrong! he's doing plenty of wrong!!!

AND MEW IS A GOOD FRIEND WTF!!!!!!!!!

[stellacadente]

i realized how much it scares me that my mind will convince itself of even the ugliest things if i start thinking them often enough and it's... yeah. like i had a good session with my psychiatric rehabilitation therapist i think it was very useful but then at the end i got hit by this feeling of fear... like i'm so scared of myself and how low i can get

[cicadaland]

i have been doing good these past few days but there is still The Problem that has not yet been fixed that I won't know the verdict on until mid August. And I need to do my part as soon as possible. scary!! but I'll have lots of time to work hard on that tomorrow. and also practice driving with my dad :)