#i have some paintings taylor has made me hanging up

[heartbreakfeelsogood]

dear friends if you have ever made me anything it’s on my wall btw

[frenchkisstheabyss]

♥︎ The Way I Am ♥︎

♥︎ Pairing ♥︎ fiance!seonghwa x gn!makeup artist!reader

♥︎ Genre ♥︎ fluff/angst

♥︎ Summary ♥︎ Your fiance's been successfully keeping his love of makeup hidden from you. That is until you come home early from a trip and find him using your things. Your reaction is (of course ♥︎) the exact opposite of what he feared.

♥︎ Word Count ♥︎ 1.6kish

♥︎ Warnings ♥︎ Hwa does express his worries about being vulnerable with his identity so if that's sensitive to you that's super important to note. Other than that, nothing. Just fluff and reassurance ♥︎

♥︎ A/N ♥︎ I hope that if you're reading this and you feel nervous about expressing your gender identity out of fear that people won't accept you, you know that you're totally worthy of love and acceptance no matter what. Love you ♥︎

"'Cause I love you more than I could ever promise and you take me the way I am" - Ingrid Michaelson (The Way I Am)

Seonghwa hopes that you don’t notice. A few drops of foundation here. A swipe or two of eyeliner there. Maybe some lipstick or blush if he’s feeling adventurous. He wishes he had the courage to ask you to do this for him. You’re the most talented makeup artist he’s ever met. Watching you work is like art. How wonderful it’d be to bare the most vulnerable part of himself to you. To be your lover and your canvas. But every time he tries to open up the fear creeps in and the words won’t come out.

So this is the way it is—the way it’ll always have to be. Your wedding’s less than a month away and the thought that he might lose you makes his soul ache. He can’t risk losing you. He won’t risk losing you. 

Tonight he’s raided your makeup supplies for everything necessary to create the soft, romantic look of his dreams. With the warm air of a summer night blowing through the bedroom window and Spotify’s best Taylor Swift mix blasting in his over-ear headphones, the vibe couldn't be more perfect.

He’s been like this for at least an hour, seated at your vanity trying to get his foundation to match. You have every shade imaginable but none are what he wants. And mixing them? Well—

“Fuck” Seonghwa huffs, staring at his reflection, frustration and two pale layers of foundation painted all over his face. He scans the meticulously organized desk for the makeup wipes and gets to work cleaning it off. It takes everything in him not to throw something but he manages to suppress his violent urges long enough to pick up a brush again.

Thank god he has all night to do this. You won’t be home from your trip until tomorrow afternoon. By then he’ll have put everything back in its place and you’ll never know a thing. At least that’s the way things were meant to go but the unexpected glimmer of your reflection lingering by the bedroom door destroys that in an instant.

You thought it’d be sweet to surprise Seonghwa by coming home early. The event you were hired for had been canceled and you always missed each other so much. You figured it only made sense to come back home. You even stopped at his favorite takeout spot on the way from the airport to pick up dinner.

No one’s ever come close to treating you with as much love and care as Seonghwa has. Everything he does makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside. Just glancing down at the sparkly ring on your finger is enough to make your face light up. Any chance you have to make him feel the same way isn’t one you’re willing to pass up.

But, for the first time since you met, his face doesn’t light up at the sight of you. It darkens as if the world has ended and you can’t help but feel like you’re the one who ended it. 

“Hwa—” you sigh softly, approaching the vanity where he sits nearly catatonic. Tears collect in the corner of his deep brown eyes, his fingers beginning to shake around the makeup brush. “It’s okay” you promise, gently resting a hand on his shoulder. Seonghwa pulls away from you, tearing the headphones off of his head. His dark hair hangs in his face giving him a safe place to hide from the disappointment he knows is waiting for him if he dares meet your gaze.

Only there isn’t any...

This isn’t what you expected to come home to but it’s far from a surprise for you. One of the things you always loved about Seonghwa was how comfortable he seemed to be in his own skin. While other guys saw every little thing as a threat to their masculinity, he treated femininity as something beautiful. You can’t even count the amount of times you’ve wanted to do his makeup. Those eyes. Those lips. That killer bone structure. He’s perfect for that kind of thing. You wish now more than ever that you’d said something.

“I’m really sorry. I didn’t—I’m just—I’m so sorry” he mumbles, choking back tears. You outstretch your arms to wrap him in a hug but he slips away again, rushing to the closet to grab his gym bag. “Hwa, what are you doing? Can you stop for a second? Please?” you beg, following him around the room as he blindly tosses things into the bag.

You’ve never felt more invisible. Your words fall on deaf ears and each time you reach out to touch him he recoils. Seonghwa grabs his phone from the dresser, snatching free of the grip you have on the sleeve of his shirt. This is his worst nightmare. In the blink of an eye he lost everything, he’s convinced of that. He doesn’t know what to say or what to do. All he can think to do is run. 

“You can’t do this!” you shout, trailing him down the hallway, “You have to talk to me!”

Seonghwa breathes in, beyond pissed off at the few tears that manage to escape. “I have to leave. I have to—to protect you.”

Hearing the pain in his voice, you nearly trip on your luggage to throw yourself in front of the door. “Is it to protect me? Or to protect yourself?”

That stops him in his tracks, his foot already halfway into a pair of sneakers. Who’s he running away for really? It’s a question that only makes the pounding in his head worse. He knows that you love him. You tell him every morning, even when you’re apart, how special he is to you. You’re begging him to stay but he can’t. He can’t. Why can’t he?

“Move please” he asks, his hand tight around the doorknob. 

You fold your arms across your chest, back pressed to the door, “No.” 

“Move…please” his voice is deeper this time, the request sounding more like a demand. 

Slipping your hands beneath the curtain of jade hair, you rest them on cheeks that burn hot enough to heat your palms. Your fingers are stained with tears and what makeup remains on his cheeks. “I love you so much” you whisper, refusing to let him get away this time, “I need you to look at me.”

You hold your breath in the silence that follows, exhaling only when his mascara smeared eyes meet yours. “I. Love. You. So. Much” you say but slower this time, putting emphasis on every word. Your heart breaks for him, for how terrified you can tell he’s been of this happening.

You raise one of your hands to show him the makeup covering it. “I don’t care about this, Hwa. I care about you.” The faint smile on your face speaks of comfort, a truly safe place for him to be if he wants it. His hand falls away from the doorknob as he lets the gym bag hit the floor with a thud.

“I would’ve told you before but I…” he pauses to summon the courage to go on, “I was afraid you wouldn’t want me anymore.” You let out a sigh of relief at the sensation of his arms easing around your waist. He holds you so tightly that you’d swear you were the one trying to run away. 

“Oh, my love. I wish you could meet yourself so you’d know how amazing you are” you sniffle, only now noticing the trickling of your own tears. “I want to be with you—all of you—whatever that looks like.”

Seonghwa uses his hands to wipe away your tears, leaving them tinted in the light makeup you threw on before your flight. “And see, we’re twins now” you giggle, desperate to lighten the mood. Seonghwa stares at you longingly, the light gradually reigniting behind his eyes. “I love you too” he smiles, his lips brushing yours, “So much.”

He kisses you in the most innocent way and it’s like your first kiss all over again. Packed with nerves and excitement that melt away the longer you linger here. It’ll take some time to fade—the fear of being vulnerable—but it will fade and you’ll be there for it all. 

“Will you help me fix it?” he asks, nervously fidgeting with the waist of your paints, “You don’t have to but I have a picture on my phone and—” You cover his mouth with your hand before he can say anything more, “Of course I’ll help you. Shower first though?” Seonghwa suddenly becomes hyper aware of the slight mess on his hands—in his hair—on both of your clothes. “I’d really like that.” 

Kissing him on the forehead, you push his hair back to get a good look at him, “We’re doing dreamy summer vibes? Something soft?” 

“How’d you know that?”

“I don’t know” you shrug, “Maybe I’m just that good. You were also going super hard on the Taylor Swift so I kinda assumed. Just blasting. I didn’t know it was that real for you.” 

“Shut up” he laughs, squeezing you so tight you can’t breathe. 

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry!” you giggle, trying to get away. But he won’t let you. Instead he lays his head on your shoulder, willing to tolerate being a total mess for a bit longer if it means holding you. The way that things have been...it doesn’t have to be like that now.

And it never will be again.

[shitswiftiessay]

so taylor has put out another hit piece against joe (who’s surprised)

after buying winning the TIME person of the year award 2023, and having a gushing puff piece that’s supposed to paint her as this trailblazer for women and feminist icon…

she made sure to dedicate a significant portion of it to talking about her boyfriends. 🙄

so here are the cringeworthy excerpts where she’s talking about her latest victim boyfriend.

“Football is awesome, it turns out. I’ve been missing out my whole life.”

I love how she single handedly debunked the claim that swifties have been making, that taylor ALWAYS loved football and was a huge eagle fan (just bc she had an eagles shirt). now it’s basically confirmed that this football shit is just taylor’s newest PERSONALITY that she’s gonna wear for a few months, until she gets bored of it, and then she’ll throw travis under the bus and she’ll start siccing her fans against him.

“This all started when Travis very adorably put me on blast on his podcast, which I thought was metal as hell.”

god, someone bring me a BARF BUCKET please. 🪣 🤮 and since when is it “adorable” for a guy to PUT YOU ON BLAST because you wouldn’t go out with him or take his number?? that’s… very weird. i’m sure she wouldn’t find it “adorable” if she wasn’t interested in the guy. but anyway, i’m pretty sure she just saw an opportunity here and she took it. she can’t handle being single for more than a month, she needed a new man to make people forget about her matty healy era. and she’s LOVING the good press she’s getting for being “America’s royal couple” as her fans are calling them. but does she actually LOVE HIM? that, I remain yet to be convinced about.

and I love this part. “We would never be psychotic enough to hard-launch a first date.”

yeah, taylor’s not CRAZY you guys, it’s not like she said “I love you” to matty healy on stage back in may before breaking up with him 2 weeks later. nah. it’s not like she immediately bought a house next to her teenage boyfriend connor kennedy who was STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL when she started dating him. nah. that would be CRAZY. PSYCHOTIC even!!

and here comes the part where she starts passive aggressively smearing joe and we all know she’s on a smear campaign against joe now but it’s kind of pathetic that even while winning PERSON OF THE YEAR she has to make it about that.

so taylor obviously has a lot to say about her new relationship, and how proud they are of each other. but you know what I DON’T hear her saying? “I’m in love” or “I’m happy with him.”

and personally, i think that speaks volumes. if she was truly HAPPY with her new man she wouldn’t be doing all this shit. if you were around when taylor broke up with calvin and then immediately started hard-launching hiddleswift, taking pap photo after pap photo and being extremely “happy” she was and meeting his mom and all that shit…. and if you don’t see the parallels between what she’s doing NOW with travis, you’re either a blind fan or just flat out stupid.

because at least when she started dating joe she actually left her exes alone (at least for a little while), she was like “I forget their names now.” and you can tell she was happy without having to make a big show of it- “nobody’s heard from me for months, I’m doing better than I ever was.”

but now she’s acting like it’s the worst thing ever that she was “locking herself in her house for a lot of years,” and she KNOWS that her fans are going to take that and blame joe for it.

JUST LOOK at the quotes and replies of this tweet and this tweet to see how those insane fucking swifties are acting over this. EVERYTHING she does now is an incitement against joe and she knows it, it’s deliberate, it’s calculated.

and i guess she’s gotta bury him while she continues hanging out with a sexual abuse apologist so she can look like she has some kind of moral high ground.

also, the way she’s trying to erase the fact that 11 of the 15 songs on reputation were LOVE SONGS about joe, not “a goth-punk moment of female rage at being gaslit by an entire social structure.”

this woman is just narcissistic and straight up DELUSIONAL at this point. she’s so far up her own ass it’s nauseating. but i really hope that she keeps on talking. because the more she talks, the more people realise what a narcissistic clown she is. 🤡

[staybabblingbaby]

Soulmate Garden AU Ch.1 (Dahlia) a2 d5

[Caution: These are not full fics, or even full parts of fics for some, these are part of my writing progress archive!]

Concept: Growing up, you knew Soulmates weren't all that they cracked up to be. So when, on your 18th birthday, your skin is painted with a garden of flower buds, you resolve to hide it from everyone. Who had ever heard of someone with 8 soulmates, anyway?

Or; Reader has 8 soulmates and no issue avoiding all of them. It's up to SKZ to show her that while every soulbond might not be made of fairy tales, theirs certainly could be.

Word Count: 5,368

Notes: My friend Tiny said this was very Wattpad era of me, so I'm so sorry that I'm cringe, guys. She also said she loved it and I am also p satisfied w it, so. Celebrations! It's also fucking long for me, like damn. Chill. I do have some disclaimers abt this tho. 1) I have never been to a k-pop concert, I am doing my best working off of what videos, vlogs, blogs, and Quora and Reddit answers for this. I'm very sorry if it's horribly inaccurate. Also it's idealized so it'd gonna be inaccurate 2) Covid never happened in this universe! Send-offs for everyone!

Dividers by @saradika

Warnings: She/Her Reader, sort of dissociating? ish?

Leave me comments or questions or anything! Love hearing from folks <3

Masterlist <3 | Prev Part | Next Part

“Yes, Ma, I promise I’m doing just fine,” You grunt into your phone, tucking the device between your cheek and shoulder as you juggle your groceries and try to dig out your keys, “No one has tried to mug me, I’m eating well, and the job is the same as the last time you called.”

You manage to both open your door and kick it shut as your mother replies, “I just worry about you dear. You’re so far away from us now, what if you need help?”

You waddle to your kitchen counter to offload your burdens, stretching your cramping fingers out as you go to properly hold your phone again.

“I know, Ma, but I’m sure I’ll make some friends with time and then they can help me out.” you finally reply with a sigh. You begin the arduous task of actually putting your groceries away, resigned to the fate of a functional adult.

You hear your sister bark out a laugh in the background. It’s possibly about hearing ‘you’ and ‘friends’ in the same sentence (Which, ouch. True, but ouch). You magnanimously ignore her.

“Honey, I love you, but it’s been almost a year. You have yet to tell me about a single friend.” Your Mom retorts. Again, ouch.

“I have Taylor!” You defend, slamming your fridge shut with a pout.

“Your roommate doesn’t count!” Your little sister taunts from the background. You hear your mother shush her but her agreement is implied when she doesn’t correct the little gremlin.

“He so does!” You argue, “We hang out in contexts that are not work or school, we eat meals together, and we’re even going to a concert this weekend! That’s friends! That’s best friends, even.” You sound a bit pathetic even to yourself, but the day your sister wins over you is the day you die.

“That’s a friendly roommate,” Is your sister’s amused response, “I bet you don’t even know what his favorite color is.” Your silence is answer enough, and she cracks up, laughing so hard that you hear a muted thump as she falls off of whatever furniture she’d been occupying.

Guess you’re dying today.

Your mother changes the subject to the goings-on of your hometown while your sister asphyxiates in the background. You’ve only been away for a little under a year now, but as you listen to her talk about which of your littlest cousins are starting school and which of your relatives are causing drama, you realize that it’s already been a little under a year.

You flop onto your couch as your mom babbles away, holding back an existential crisis.

Your fingers begin tracing the long-since memorized lines of your soulmark over your clothes as you ponder the passing of time, fully zoned out of your mother’s gossip. Your sister seems to catch on to your long silence, interrupting you mother to pester you into giving her more material to taunt you over.

“What concert are you going to, anyway?” She questions.

“Oh, it’s a K-Pop group called Stray Kids,” You tell her. You can practically feel her interest shrivel up and die as soon as you say K-Pop, bless her elitist, snobby, little heart. “Taylor likes them a lot, and his boyfriend dumped him last month, so I got some good tickets to cheer him up.”

Your mother coos at you briefly before your sister overtakes the conversation again, “Are they even good?” You can hear the sneer in her voice as she falls into Music Snob (tm) mode, so you roll your eyes when you reply.

“They’re fun to dance to when I’m doing chores, so that’s good enough for me.”

“You can’t even understand them.” She complains.

“I can, actually.” You inform her primly, “My language elective was Korean. I took the whole course.”

“You’re a weirdo.”

“Tell that to my sweet, sweet, degree, kiddo.” It’s finally your turn to taunt.

“Whatever, you’re not even going with a friend, just your roommate. How fun could it be?” She pouts back.

“I told you, we are friends! Best friends, even!”

“You still don’t know his favorite color.” She retorts smugly.

“I know his favorite flower, that’s gotta count for something!” Your mother hums in agreement, and you picture her watching your bickering like a tennis match, assigning points in her head.

“It doesn’t, because you know everyone’s favorite flower! You know the mail guy’s favorite flower! It’s like an obsession.” You picture your sister rolling her eyes at you, exasperation pouring off of her. The image makes you grin as you reply.

“Only if it’s still Jim. I haven’t been around to ask anyone new.” You point out. Reasonably, you think, but for some reason your sister lets out a loud groan of annoyance and you hear her exaggerated stomps ass she removes herself from your presence. Your mother lets out an amused little huff and you imagine you’ve won the tennis match in her head.

No death for you today. Score!

Your mom yaps with you for a little longer, before finally bidding you farewell, telling you that you should call more often (like you don’t chat literally every Friday afternoon like clockwork), tell your dad to come home soon if you happen to call him (you won’t. He won’t either), and tell her all about how the concert goes next week. You promise to do that one easily.

When she hangs up, you’re left with the ringing silence of an empty apartment. Moving to LA has been a quieter experience than you’re used to in general, for many reasons. Sure, the city itself is louder than your little suburb by miles, but life has been... More peaceful, since. Quieter.

It still makes you uneasy, even 10 months later.

You get up from the couch and drift off to your room like a ghost, opening Spotify on your way. The opening notes of Ruth B’s Lost Boy and a something nauseous swirling in your gut is all that follows you.

On concert morning, you’re woken up bright and early by your air-horn of a roommate slamming your door open.

“Concert daaaaaaaaay~” He trills at you from the doorway. You don’t even open your eyes when you roll over and throw a pillow at him in protest. A soft ‘oof’ tells you that you hit your mark for once. Nice.

“Nice shot!” Taylor cheers, “But now I have your ammo, so it’s up time.”

You roll over again, taking the edge of your blanket with you and tossing it over your head. You pull a stuffed animal under with you, and curl tightly around it.

“Nmf gmf.” You grumble at him through a mouthful of fluff.

“Nuh-uh!” Taylor tuts, already fluent in Morning Grumble, “We gotta get up. There’s food to be eaten, outfits to put on, and lines to beat!”

You let out a long, agonized, groan, but obligingly roll over and starfish out with childish protest. Taylor waits until you open your eyes to glare at his annoyingly cheerful blond bedhead before he leaves your doorway with a sunny smile. Smug bastard.

He leaves your door open too, the shit, allowing the sweet smell of french toast and eggs to drift into your room. You sit up with a whiney groan, scrubbing harshly at your face.

You’d forgive him this time. Just for the french toast.

You lean over to grab your phone from your bedside table, just waking the screen to check the time. When the numbers register you lay right the way back down with another long wail of protest.

Four in the morning. That french toast had better be fucking good.

You eventually stumble into the kitchen and are promptly handed a very large and very welcomed cup of coffee. Taylor hands you a plate piled high with french toast and eggs, fruits and toppings already out, before you can even try to start bitching at him.

You take in the spread with a furrowed brow, before slowly lifting your head to pin Taylor with a suspicious stare.

“My dude, it is four in the morning. How?”

Taylor just shrugs at you. “Couldn’t sleep. Too excited.”

You nod slowly at him. “I’ll drive. You’re napping in the car.”

This triggers a round of outraged whining from your sleep-deprived roommate, which you cull by pointing out that headaches and concerts are an awful combo. He subsides but insists he’ll be even more excited in the car, since it’s closer to concert time. You tell him to do it anyway.

“Why are we up so early in the first place?” You complain as you drain the last dregs of your drink. “The concert isn’t for, like, fifteen hours.”

“The concert is only fifteen hours away! Countdowns have already started, mark my words!” Taylor counters, “You got us Soundcheck tickets! VIP! We have to take advantage! I want the entire experience. Freebies, insane merch lines, sponsor booths, everything.” He gets more and more incensed as he goes on, leaning farther over the table, his shirt almost dragging in the puddles of syrup on his plate.

You raise your hands in surrender to his wild-eyed look. “Whatever,” You concede, “You’re the boss, this is your day.”

Taylor nods in satisfaction, leaning back. You notice that he actually does take some syrup with him as he re-seats himself. “As it should be.” Is his prim reply.

You sort of just laugh at him, and your routine of friendly bickering continues as the two of you make quick work of fixing up the kitchen.

You two split off to get ready, Taylor demanding a leave time of 6am sharp. You do your best to appease him, dressing up enough to say you put effort in, but paying mind to comfort over style. You’re putting the last touches on your eye liner when Taylor barges in.

You give him a stink eye for not knocking, which he blissfully ignores as he looks over you top to bottom. He summarily declares you “Good, but not good enough” and stampedes over to raid your closet.

At this point in your cohabitation you’ve learned to just let him do his thing when he gets like this. He doesn’t let you dress yourself when you go clubbing with his friends either, the jerk. Your fashion sense is perfectly acceptable, thank-you-very-much.

He tells you you’re being assigned a bias for today based on your wardrobe as he tosses you a white and navy stripped polo shirt and some navy sweatpants with racer strips on the side. He pulls up a reference photo on your phone and tells you to accessorize while he goes to find an appropriate tie from his stash for you.

Looking at the picture of Han Jisung on your screen, you admit that the outfit is pretty close already. You decide to leave the polo’s buttons undone, grabbing a white camisole to put on under. Your accessories take a bit longer, and you can’t see the shoes to match those, but Taylor seems satisfied enough when he comes back.

He hands you a tie and a handful of pins to complete your look and begins pushing you out the door before you can even put them on properly. When you protest this he insists that the two of you are running late, despite the concert still being more than 13 hours away.

You do, in fact, make him sleep in the car. He does not appreciate this, but early morning traffic can lull even the most dutiful of soldiers to sleep. He’s somehow even more chipper than usual when he wakes up, despite being groggy and bleary-eyed.

The crowd, when the two of you arrive, isn’t as big as you were expecting it to be. With all of Taylor’s rushing, you’d expected to barely be able to see the doors. The merch booth he was so excited about isn’t even open yet, and he settles the two of you into the line to enter the venue instead of camping there.

It’s immediately obvious who the extrovert between the two of you is, Taylor’s bouncy blond head beginning to duck and weave among the small crowd as soon as you claim your spot, laughs and excited exchanges popping up wherever he stopped. You, on the other hand, stay exactly where you’d been left and fiddle around on your phone, Taylor’s clear backpack abandoned in your arms.

You’re pretty sure this is purposeful on his part. You know each other well enough by now that he’s well aware of your tendency to stay planted once you’re settled. You’re definitely being used to stake out your spot. You steal one of his granola bars as payment for your services.

An hour or so drags through, and Taylor has thoroughly befriended most of the people around you. Once he’s decided that it’s about time to line up for some of the merch booths, Taylor leaves you in the tender care of the other fans as he goes to stake out a spot. He gracefully accepts both your wallet and your request of “a t-shirt and something they can sign”

The group of four people behind you, in particular, take his (only semi-joking) request of “take care of my introvert for me” seriously.

“So are you a Han bias?” One asks you as Taylor prances off. Her outfit is majority blue, little Bbokari (You can admit that the little characters charm you. You probably know their names better than the Stray Kids themselves) hair clips and keychains decorating her person.

You look down at yourself and then back up at her, almost having forgotten that you were dressed up as him. “Ah, no. Taylor, my friend, dressed me this morning. We’re here for him today. Though, he did say Han was my assigned bias today.” You laugh nervously, hoping they don’t judge your lack of knowledge.

Thankfully none of them seem discouraged by your response, giggling along with your little joke. In fact one of them, dressed head to toe in merch, seems almost excited by the prospect.

“Are you a baby Stay then?” She asks you with sparkling eyes. You wave your hands in front of yourself a bit defensively.

“Ah, no. I wouldn’t go that far. I like their music when Taylor plays it around the apartment, but I wouldn’t consider myself part of the fandom. This is actually my first k-pop experience in general.” You explain, “When I say we’re here for him, I mean I am here in total ignorance.”

Another girl, dressed in a loud assortment of colors you vaguely recognize from the music video Taylor had on loop in your living room for a week and a half when it dropped, lets out a low whistle. “Throwing you right into the deep end, huh? Hardcore.”

The group of you laugh a bit, the only guy in their group agreeing with, “Well if you’re not a fan now, you will be when you leave. Their performances are amazing, honestly.”

You absorb the gushing with an open heart, truly hoping for that to be the case. You take this opportunity to take the spotlight off of yourself.

“Oh, have you guys been to a Stray Kids concert before? It’s Taylor’s first.”

That question is the key to the floodgates, and you end up spending the next 3 and a half hours waiting for Taylor’s return (with text updates from the man himself, assuring you that he is still where he’s supposed to be) being regaled with tales of concerts, events, and comebacks past. You feel a bit like you’re getting a crash course in all things Stray Kids, phones often popping out to show you clips, fancams, and photos.

It makes you smile, feeling very included and welcomed as you occasionally pepper in a question or two to keep them going. It’s just like dinners at the apartment with Taylor, him unloading his stress through fandom, and you unloading yours through listening to his ramblings.

This is exactly why you came with him today.

Taylor makes his return loaded down with goodies both purchased and gifted by other fans, to which you welcome him by cheering loudly. This triggers your new group to do the same. Somehow, the five of you cheering leads to a large portion of the early crowd, which had grown by the hour, cheering with you.

You feel a bit shy at the power you apparently hold, and laugh about it with your new friends.

Eventually Taylor and Merch Girl (you hadn’t managed to catch any of their names, you realize belatedly. It’d be too awkward to ask now. You resolve to simply Not Address Them) split off to do more rounds among other fans, distributing their own freebies.

You hadn’t even realized Taylor had made freebies. You’re also not sure how he found the time. Love finds a way, you suppose.

The other group’s Token Guy Friend (who will always been Token Guy to you, so sorry Token Guy) passes the conversation back to you. Not appreciated, Token Guy.

You can’t be all that mad though, as he shuffles through his bag to produce a piece of paper and a chisel-tipped sharpie. He passes the items to you with a grin.

“If you’re close to the stage you should have a sign! You might get an interaction that way!” He enthuses. The remaining girls cheer at the idea, sighing over the possibility of you getting an interaction at your very first concert.

You hold back correcting them that it’s just your first k-pop concert. You’re sure that’s what they mean anyways, as the experience so far has been quite different from your usual.

You look at the items in your hand, and then back at him. He offers to let you use his back to write on. You once again stare between his meticulous outfit and the sharpie in your hand. You are so not going to ruin someone’s day with what was supposed to be a kind gesture.

You motion for him to wait a moment and dig around in your own bag for a moment, the seat cushion Taylor had insisted you bring slapping you incessantly from where it hangs as you shuffle both your shoulder bag and Taylor’s backpack around. Eventually you manage to pull out your travel first aid kit, pulling a gauze pad from it.

You unclip the seat cushion from your bag and place it on the ground, motioning for Token Guy to kneel. He does so bemusedly.

“I’m gonna make it fancy,” You inform him, “those random calligraphy classes from high-school aren’t going to fail me today.” He makes a noise of assent and you’re crowding over his bent back, unfurling the gauze pad to make a barrier between the paper and his shirt.

He and the girls make their conversation around you as you sink into concentration. It’s very difficult to make nice, even, lines on an uneven surface like a back, and you have to keep gently slapping Token Guy’s shoulder when he laughs to remind him not to move.

Taylor and Merch Girl have returned by the time you finish your sign, Taylor laughingly cautioning any of them from breaking your concentration for anything less than Token Guy’s health. Unless they wanted to face your Wrath(tm), of course.

His advice seems to have been heeded, because by the time you tune back into the outside world you have a sign with very pretty (and most importantly - legible) calligraphy that reads:

[HAN! You’ve been assigned as my bias today! Make me fall for you?]

You even took the time to add Korean translations in smaller script beneath each line. You also take the time to admire your own foresight for laying out the gauze pad, small black marks littering it’s surface. Token Guy seems equally impressed when he looks at it, before taking the initiative to trash both it and the wrapper for you.

Merch Girl reads your sign when you proudly hold it in front of yourself and cackles.

“So that’s why he really brought you along, huh?” She teases, elbowing Taylor like they’re old friends. He has that effect on people. “She can talk to them for you if the Aussie line isn’t around.” Taylor gives a sheepish laugh and a faux-guilty shrug.

“That, and she bought the tickets. I couldn’t leave her behind if I tried.” He pokes at you as he speaks, mirth dancing in his eyes. Laughter erupts around the group as you shout your offence, making to start roughhousing with him like you do your sister.

The time passes joyously this way until the doors finally open to begin letting people in for sound check.

You’re not gonna lie, you’re already super tired and peopled out. Luckily, Taylor had clocked you flagging before even you had, and sent you to sit in “introvert time out” on your cushion in a shaded spot away from the crowd. So you could make it through sound check and the actual concert. Probably.

You and Taylor pass through security unscathed, having already eaten or trashed any snacks or drinks you’d brought with you, and having not bothered bringing much else. Both of your bags were just full of merch and freebies at this point.

Once you actually enter the venue you take the lead, dragging Taylor by the wrist to your seats. You’re actually super excited to show him the seats you’d gotten, having kept anything beyond ‘soundcheck’ a secret.

Taylor is already vibrating with excitement as you lead him to the floor seats. He’s nearly trembling as you lead him right up the center, past rows and rows of little white chairs erected for the reserved seating tickets. When you finally sit him down right in front of the thrust stage, plopping into the seat beside him with satisfaction, he turns to you with saucer-wide eyes.

“Noo...” He whispers.

“Oh, yes.” You return, blessing him with a grin and little eyebrow wiggle.

Taylor basically tackles you in a hug, almost knocking you into the person next to you, and squeals his thanks so loudly that you’re sure the entire stadium hears. When he’s done thanking you he pulls back, hands on your shoulders, with the most deadly serious eyes you had ever seen on him.

“I would die for you.” He intones lowly. You crack first, the two of you breaking into a giggle fit that was almost concerning with it’s intensity. When the two of you calm down and turn to settle and sit properly, he nudges your shoulder with his.

“Seriously,” He says, eyes soft, “You’re the best ever. You need anything from today on? I’m your guy.”

You chuckle at him, nudging him back, “Do my dishes for the next month, then.” You tease.

He rears back, hands up in joking surrender, “Woah, woah! Let’s not go that far! I meant if you needed to escape from the mob or something, not chores.” He gives an exaggerated shudder before breaking into his usual silly grin.

The two of you spend the next however long indulging in familiar banter, waving at the group of fans you’d made friends with outside when you spotted them not terribly far away, and generally recharging your batteries for the concert. Taylor eventually moves on to talking to the people around you, and you rest your head on his shoulder.

You close your eyes for just a moment, trying to turn the lights off in your brain for a bit. You really needed the music to start soon, you were going to fall asleep.

Almost as if in answer to your prayers, the group begins trickling on stage for sound check.

To be honest, both soundcheck and the concert pass in a blur for you.

Once things kick off, you’re swept away in a wave of cheers, music, and lights. You hadn’t expected front row seats to be quite as intense as they were, but you made a note to yourself to not book such tickets for yourself in the future.

You couldn’t really handle it.

Still, Taylor seems to have the time of his life, and you manage to immerse yourself in the concert enough to shake your sign at Han when he passes by, earning yourself a wink and a cheek heart. Taylor was nearly euphoric at having caught the interaction with his phone camera.

By the time it’s over, you’re fairly sure you had a good time, but also 100% sure that you were completely overwhelmed. Taylor manages to drag you to the send off that you paid for spots at anyway. Curse his charming, sunny demeanor.

You can’t really process how it happened at this point, but you end up practically pinned to the railing of the barricade at the send-off location, separated from Taylor, and clinging to your façade of an excited fan with a white knuckled grip. You have three things on you to get signed, and a mission from Taylor to get all three scribbled on.

Your sign for Han, a ballcap Taylor had customized, and a Lee Know photocard Taylor had entrusted to you with a gravity you weren’t sure it warranted. He had, like, three of the same one.

You try to drum up the determination to see your mission through, but find it difficult to dredge up any will at all.

Time waits for no man, however, and soon enough the members begin making their way through, delivering high-fives, autographs, and aegyo as they pass through. You end up squished almost violently to the railing, ducking a bit and making yourself as small as possible as hands, phones, and items all get waved around and over you.

You’re not sure you like send-off.

There’s so many noises and sights and smells that you have a really hard time keeping track of which member is where. Plus, you’re still a lot overwhelmed from lining up before dawn and the concert itself. You’re tired, you’re cranky, and you want to go home.

At some point Lee Know must pass by you, and you must have presented the photocard properly, because you have a signed one now. That’s cool. The faster you get the requested autographs, the faster you can leave.

Bangchan spawns in front of you from the aether, from your point of view. You may be a bit more out of it than you’d like to admit. Still, you dutifully hold out your ballcap for him to sign, exchanging post-concert niceties on pure autopilot.

Because you’re not all that present at the moment, or maybe because all you’d had was your breakfast and some granola bars in the last 13 hours, you don’t hold your balance the way you should when someone shoves at you from behind. You catch yourself on the railing, but you dropped the freshly signed cap.

Bangchan kindly stoops to pick it up for you, and you thank him. A couple of things happen very quickly at that point.

1) Unlike the first two exchanges of the cap, because of the awkward and quick nature of Bangchan’s action, it is no longer being handed to you with lots of space between your hand and his.

2) You’re still being jostled around. No matter how much you brace for the impact of the bodies surrounding you, you couldn’t possibly keep totally still.

3) These two things have a consequence. Your hand brushes Chan’s as he hands you the cap.

The world stops for you for a moment, as pins and needles stab into dozens of familiar spots all across your lower abdomen. You freeze, dumb, awkward, overwhelmed smile plastered to your face as Bangchan turns away from you.

The pain isn’t that bad, really, more like a bad period cramp mixed with a sleeping limb waking up. Still, you curl your arm around your stomach, and your body bows with the motion. As if you could protect your reality from shattering and reshaping itself in front of you.

Static fills your ears and your poor, overloaded, brain throbs with the beginnings of a migraine.

Bangchan is your soulmate.

International k-pop sensation Bangchan is one of your eight soulmates.

Bangchan is part of a group with eight members.

Your soulmate is already moving away from you, your minor interaction just a footnote of his day, the tingling pain of your soulmate bond awakening probably blending in with a thousand other minor aches and pains from a very physically intense day for him.

You come back to clarity with the resolve that you’d like it to stay that way.

With a sense of urgency, you look around the crowd you’re part of, noting distinct faces and colors for the first time. You’re not really sure what you’re looking for until you spot it, and suddenly your escape plan is fully formed.

There, just a couple shoves and elbow throws away, is Blue Bbokari Girl from this morning.

You struggle your way over, people falling into the space you’d left at the railing like a pack of hyenas on fresh meat. When you reach her you the gently at her sleeve to get her attention.

She turns to you with confusion first, a bright greeting next, and finally a concerned scrunch of her brow as she takes in your hunched form.

“Hey, I’m feeling kind of sick, can you help me get out of the crowd?” You’re sure you look convincingly pathetic and weak as you plead with her. If only because you really did feel pathetic and weak at the moment.

“Oh, of course, hun! Just a moment.” She begins to crane her neck around to scan the crowd like you’d done moments prior. You feel a bit bad for interrupting her night like this, but as she calls out to someone behind her, you’re more thankful than anything.

Blue Bbokari Girl successfully gets the attention of someone you don’t recognize, and a quick summary of, “She’s sick, help her leave!” shouted over the crowd has you being passed through the crowd unmolested.

You find yourself enveloped in a chain of fans, one passing you to another, pausing, and calling on someone else to pass you to until you’ve finally stumbled free of the send-off mob.

Feeling a bit like you’d just been spat out of the maw of a great creature, you look back at the rustling crowd, now looking like it had never been disturbed at all.

The last lady who had finally freed you, an older woman with a Jiniret picket, eyes you with concern as you put you back to the nearest wall and slide down it.

“Will you be okay, sweetie?” She questions you worriedly, “Do you have anyone to pick you up?”

You smile weakly at her and assure her that you just have to get ahold of your roommate and he’d get you home safe and sound. She tries to insist on waiting with you, but you persuade her to return to the crowd with promises that you’d make your way to a bathroom or security guard once the worst of your vertigo had passed.

You watch her return with morbid fascination, amazed when she just sort of gets absorbed back into the mass of people. Almost like it ate her. You once again marvel at making it out of such a thing unscathed.

Truth be told, your stomach was only sore and tender this point, the sharp, needle-point pains long gone. Still, you take a moment to bring your knees to your chest, just breathing as you press your forehead to them. If anyone were to look at you then, you wonder what they’d think of you curled up on the floor and trembling like your dog had just died.

You hope they’d view you with kindness.

After giving yourself a moment to just feel, though you couldn’t tell anyone what you had felt, you gather yourself enough to totter to your feet and drag yourself to the nearest bathroom. You text Taylor as you go.

[Hey. Felt sick, in bathroom rn. lmk when we can leave pls?]

Perma Tag List: @mbioooo0000

[doc-pickles]

sent to save me | sidney crosby (ch. 4)

series masterlist

summary: trina crosby gives her son some advice. sid and annie have a conversation about… well everything

warnings: general angst, swearing, allusions to smut but nothing graphic

author’s note: I hope y’all like this chapter. I was unsure about it for a while but I’m happy with what I ended up with. enjoy!

xoxo

nina

Geno and Anna return the next day, wide grins plastered on their faces as Nikita fawns over baby Eva. Geno pulls Sid into a long hug before letting Anna fuss over him with thanks for taking such good care of Nikita. 

When Sid returns to a silent house he lets out a sigh, sinking into one of the barstools before pulling his phone out and pressing the call button. 

“Sweetie! I’m so glad to hear from you,” Trina Crosby’s comforting voice almost pushes Sid to tears as he listens to her across the line. He wishes there weren’t 1200 miles between them so that his mom could hug him like he was a little kid again. “Sidney? What’s wrong?”

He takes a steadying breath before speaking, “I, uh, ran into Annie the other day.”

“Oh sweetheart,” Trina sighs out across the line. “I’m so sorry. Was… Is everything okay?”

“Yeah I…,” Sid hesitates for only a moment before hanging his head and groaning. “She has a seven year old daughter. Vivie… Vivienne Taylor.”

The line is silent for a moment before Trina’s soothing voice is back, “Sidney… Are you okay?”

The question finally prompts a sob from Sidney as he leans over his counter, shoulders shaking from the force of his cries. He can hear his mom shushing and comforting him over the line but he barely registers it as he slumps forward.

“Baby it’s okay,” Trina soothes as Sid’s cries lessen. “It’s okay, you’re alright.”

When he’s mostly stopped crying Trina takes the moment to speak in a low and soothing tone to her son, “I know you’re feeling every emotion under the sun but let me tell you a story. When I was pregnant with you I was worried every single day that something bad would happen to you. Your father didn’t help, in fact his worrying and fussing over me made me more anxious. I kind of retreated into myself, in my mind that was how I could protect you. And when I held you in my arms for the first time I swore nothing would ever hurt you. Of course then your father and I had the smart idea to put a pair of knife shoes on your feet and drop you onto a frozen lake to whack at a ball with a wooden stick.

“My point here is that I’m sure Annie didn’t… Didn’t mean to keep your daughter from you,” Trina sighs across the line and Sid can almost see her running a hand across her forehead. “I know Annie and I know how a mother’s mind works and it might not have been the best decision in retrospect but I truly don’t think she was trying to hurt you. Have you seen her?”

Sid chuckles and wipes at his cheeks, “Yeah she’s gorgeous. Reminds me a lot of Taylor when she was little. You’re gonna love her.”

“She’s my first grandbaby of course I’m going to love her,” Trina laughs across the line. “I have faith in both you and Annie to work this out. I know you really love her.”

“Mom-”

Trina scoffs, “Don’t try to lie to me Sidney Patrick. I know how you feel about that woman. And if this reignites things between you two I think it’ll be good for you both.”

“Thanks for the pep talk mom,” Sidney grins as Trina chuckles. “I love you.”

“I love you too. And send me some photos of my grandbaby!”

+

Later that day Sidney drives over to Annie’s house to talk. He knocks on the door, noting the bright garden out front and the hand painted flowers on the porch rails. When Annie opens the door in a simple cotton dress and bare feet his breath catches and he can’t help the stutter of his heartbeat as they meet eyes. 

“Hi,” Annie breathes out, opening the door wider. “Come on in, Vivie is sleeping over at her friends house tonight so there’s no one home.”

Sidney walks into the house, staring at the photos of Annie and Vivie on the walls. There’s pictures of a newborn Vivie, school portraits, beach vacations, and selfies of the two of them. Sid stops short when he lands on a picture of Annie with a round belly, grinning brightly up at the camera. He can tell from the background that she’s at their favorite cabin in Vermont where they’d spent hundreds of winter weekends with each other.

“Can I get you anything? 

Sid whips around to look at Annie who’s nervously fidgeting next to the kitchen island. Her home is warm and inviting, exactly what he would’ve pictured for her. 

“I’m okay,” Sid says as he walks over and settles into one of the barstools at the island. “I… Do you want to go first?”

Annie heaves a deep sigh before fixing her gaze on her hands, “I… We were still fighting when I found out I was pregnant and… God Sid everything was a mess. You were gone so much and I was home alone and I didn’t want to bring a baby into that. And then when we had that final fight… I don’t know. I know it was wrong but I didn’t want our baby to be born into that, into a world where we were fighting constantly and you were on the road all the time. It was shitty of me, so fucking shitty, and I’m so sorry but… It felt like the right thing.”

“Annie…,” Sid’s voice is low and he can tell that whatever he says next is not going to sound good. “I… You can’t just… Fuck! You knew you were pregnant when you ended things? Are you fucking serious?”

“I-”

“And even after that! You had to have known I was benched, that my career was over,” Sid stands and runs his hands through his hair angrily, turning away from Annie. “Even after that you didn’t think to tell me? When I was stuck at home and couldn’t fucking leave? When I was doing exactly what you wanted me to? I mean, fuck Annie, did you ever think of me?”

“Sid please,” Annie begs, eyes welling with tears as she desperately looks to Sid. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, I swear. I just wanted to protect Vivie. I… The press were already saying that our breakup was the reason you got injured and I didn’t want Viv to be clumped in with that.”

“Bullshit!,” Sid roars and he knows he’s too loud, too angry to be having this conversation. “You could’ve told me An! You could’ve called and told me anytime between then and now. You were just fucking scared. Of what I don’t know but… But I’ll never understand why you did what you did. How you hurt me, hurt Vivie, with all of this bullshit.”

“I was scared of getting hurt too,” Annie exclaims, hands flying up as she holds back tears. “I was scared that my heart would get broken because you’d wake up one day and realize that… That Vivie and I weren’t worth it anymore.”

“Annie, why would you think that,” Sidney’s voice fills with hurt as he stares at her. “I know that I wasn’t home very much and I hate how I treated you but… God I would’ve given you the world, Ans. Anything, I would’ve given up anything for you and for Vivie. But you took that choice from me and you took it from our daughter too.”

There’s a tense moment of silence as Sidney looks up at Annie. Her face is a perfect picture of anger as she stalks towards him, her finger jabbing at his chest, “Fuck you Sidney. You don’t know shit about Vivienne, you don’t get to make decisions for her. I do! She’s my daughter!”

“And she’s mine too,” Sidney counters as he presses closer to her, Annie’s face paling at his tone. “Vivie is half me and you fucking took away any chance I had to make decisions for her, Annie. Do you get that? Do you get that I only met my daughter because my god son is her best friend? I could’ve gone my whole fucking life not knowing that there’s someone out there that’s half me and half the woman I love. How do you not see how fucked up that is?”

“I- You,” Annie stutters over her words as she stares up at Sidney with wide, watering eyes. “You… You still love me?”

Sid runs a hand through his hair and looks away from Annie before turning back to her with shining eyes, “Of fucking course I do. You stole my heart, ran away with it eight years ago and I’ve never found anyone else to fill that hole. You… You’re everything Annie, you always have been. That’s what I’m trying to tell you!”

Without any hesitation Annie leans forward and locks her lips with Sidney’s. He’s helpless to fight her off, instead wrapping his arms around her and pulling her closer. He knows that this is a bad idea, but the feeling of her in his arms after so many years is hypnotizing.

“You… Fuck Sid” Annie pants as she pulls away from him, their foreheads touching. “You’re magnetic, I can’t stay away from you.”

Sid leans back and meets her eyes, searching for any sign that this isn’t what she wants, “Tell me. Tell me to stop Annie and I will.”

“Please don’t stop,” Annie whispers, meeting his eyes. “Please Sid.”

Their lips crash together again, bodies pressed so close there’s nothing separating them but their clothes. Sid’s hands dwarf Annie’s hips as he lifts her to wrap her legs around him, their lips still locked in their heated kiss as he stumbles blindly down the hallway. 

Sidney doesn’t stop, can’t stop as he and Annie fall into bed together. The feeling of her smooth skin, the sounds of her angelic moans, the way she’s always reaching for him… It makes his heart pound in his chest, makes his breathing shallow and his head feel like. 

The feeling of Annie in his arms makes Sid feel alive for the first time in eight years. 

[mastermindmp3]

I continue my agenda that TTPD is secretly a western album, I swear—

God. This song. This song.

At this point, I should put a boiler plate disclaimer that I understand these songs are very much about Taylor's life, and this one especially so. It's all about scrutiny, about the press and the media circus of being a child in the spotlight, about not being able to grow up (you stay the same age you get famous at in the public's eye, to paraphrase Swift.) It's about the mental side effects of that, of the suffering she admits to hiding: I want to snarl and show you just how disturbed this has made me.

I think there is an expectation that people (any people, not just celebrities) should only show signs of distress when they are at rock bottom. If you're functioning, if you're getting out of bed most days and still brushing your teeth, etc, you aren't depressed enough to complain. Who's Afraid of Little Old Me is Swift striking back at that mindset, that actually, she shouldn't have to perform rock bottom ( because she seems done with performing peak happiness ) 24/7.

However, I really want to dive into the imagery of the song, and then maybe elaborate on it too much.

I'd be remiss to say that I'm writing this the day after she performed it live for the first time, and I am so utterly obsessed with the live performance. The lights, the mirrored platform giving the appearance of levitation, and say they didn't do it to hurt me—

BUT WHAT IF THEY DID?

In general, that section of the bridge is my favorite. I've already referenced it twice! To give context, the full line is: So tell me everything is not about me, but what if it is? And say they didn't do it to hurt me, but what if they did? I want to snarl and show you just how disturbed this has made me.

( That is followed by the line that has become a meme, and I wrote a whole post being annoyed at that. It will forever rot in my drafts. )

The speaker's description feels like hypervigilence, the kind caused by a life time of whispers and daggers behind your back. If you've ever been the center of a workplace drama, or the odd kid out, or the New Person in a club or activity, or just have anxiety, you know this feeling well. You know the feeling of asking - is this about me?

I love the phrasing of I want to snarl, because it shows that she is expected not to. She is expected to... Actually. Let me set this up.

There's a parallel to her country contemporary Miranda Lambert's Mama's Broken Heart. Lambert details allowing herself to be dramatic and heart broken after she feels like her life went up in flames. Where Swift's speaker enacts supernatural revenge, Lambert's is more mundane (cutting her bangs with scissors, hunting him down at the bar in their small town.) The bridge, here, describes the expectation that is put upon young women:

Powder your nose, paint your toes / Line your lips and keep 'em closed / Cross your legs, dot your eyes / And never let 'em see you cry

Swift's speaker, jilted and in pain not just from her lover (the who's who of who's that) but also from the scrutiny she's placed under (by her community, her friends, maybe even the press) has decided that she will no longer be the picture perfect woman. She will no longer bow to their whims, and is executed by public opinion for it.

So I leap from the gallows and I'll levitate down your street.

This very strong imagery.

Historically, women who have been hanged are expected to act a certain way. We often think of witch trials, but women have also been executed for crimes like murder and theft. They are to act penitent, to appeal for public approval with their final breaths. If they serve as anti-examples, begging for God's forgiveness and showing other women to behave, how to not make their mistakes, then they are granted posthumous grace.

But speaking of witch trials. Women and men who were accused of witchcraft were not witches, not in the modern sense of the word, or the historical one. Some were midwives, some were just poor women, old women who had things their neighbors wanted to take. Some were widows, and some were just disliked. It had nothing to do with their "crimes," and all to do with wanting to get rid of someone "unseemly."

The witch trials are often used as emblems of sexism - because they were. They were a tool of patriarchal oppression against women who fell outside the system, for one reason or another. ( I'd also like to note this oppression went doubly strong against women and men of color. It's a very loaded topic. )

The imagery also makes me think of Margaret Atwood's Half-Hanged Mary, a fictionalization of the real life Mary Webster. Webster was accused of witchcraft by Phillip Smith, and taken to be hanged in Hadley, Massachusetts. Mary, a woman in her approximate 60s, survived the whole night, was supposedly buried, and still emerged alive.

Atwood's fictionalization has the same spite, the same rage as Who's Afraid of Little Old Me, "Tough luck, folks, / I know the law: / you can't execute me twice / for the same thing. How nice." By the end of the poem, she has become the witch they accused of her being.

Here, the speaker of Who's Afraid of Little Old Me does the same. Almost implied to be a ghost, but the imagery also implies a witch, a woman too powerful for the rope to kill - she decides to return to haunt her accusers, her killers. She crashes their party (there were often parties or auctions of the women's belongings)—

Like a record scratch as I scream — who's afraid of little old me?

She, too, has become what they accused of her being. I am what I am because they trained me.

Phillip Smith, by the by, didn't do so well. He disappears from the account around 1683. In The History of... Massachusetts Bay... by one Mr. Hutchinson, "...it happened that she survived and the melancholy man died." Webster went on to live for 14 years after her hanging.

It felt a very apt comparison to make.

There are other metaphors at play here - a media circus going on in the background, references to the stage animals that have killed their handler for their mistreatment. The title is a reference to Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf, a play about how lives are so complex behind closed doors.

But in the end, I think it all furthers that same metaphor.

The pain of being in the public eye for too long has hurt the speaker in ways that the audience can't understand, because they have not lived it. Very few people are at that level of fame and scrutiny, and while a non-famous audience can relate in some ways, the speaker feels the only way to get the severity across is to invoke death and false hangings.

She is asking for them to see her as powerful, but also as human, and flawed, and hurt.

[arse-crack-thistle]

rwrb characters and their eras tour outfits

so i saw this tiktok asking what we think alex and henry are wearing to the eras tour, so here’s what i think the super six would do if they were all going together (in new york, i assume)…

(in my head they all choose an era and base an outfit on that…probably nora and pez’s idea)

alex - he fights for reputation and wins. i’m thinking black, sparkle, and chains. leather jacket with a black rhinestone snake on the back and a black mesh crop top underneath. black distressed jeans cuffed over combat boots. chains around his neck and hanging from his jacket and pants. thin black sunglasses that he later uses to hold back his curls when the house lights go down. oh and he definitely has the sharpest black eyeliner on his lids.

henry - he has a choice: either live in his reputation era with alex or be his complementary opposite. so he chooses lover. i’m thinking ‘80s high school student with lover energy. light-washed jeans with white chuck taylors. tucked in, a loose-fitted pastel button-up with cuffed sleeves. maybe it has splotches of color or faded butterflies on it…idk some kind of print. on top, a hand painted jean jacket with “london boy” in loopy pink typography on the back. a glitter lover heart around his eye (bc nora insists).

nora - speaking of, i’ll keep this simple for her. a fully identical ring leader costume to what taylor had on the red tour. she may be an irl chaos demon but i think she’s anointed herself the unofficial leader of “super six does eras tour 2k23” so this fit is appropriate for her. i mean she almost made them all wear matching t-shirts like they’re a depressed cishet family at disney world but june talked her down.

june - the queen of fashion herself. this is the trickiest for me bc june wants to do folklore and just wear shortalls and the silver star cardigan to be comfy, but she’ll be damned before she doesn’t match the energy of the others. june goes with evermore and all in on “cowboy like me” to piss alex off since he almost went with rodeo wear. cropped cream fringe jacket with an elegant ivy embroidery on the back and trim. underneath, a bustier and shorts of the same fabric with the same embroidery. of course she’s wearing a cowboy hat, cream with the ivy details. and caramel cowboy boots (rounded toe bc she’s a utility girl). everything but the boots are custom made in austin.

pez - “this night is sparkling! don’t you let it go!” yeah so as soon as he saw taylor in all of her enchanted ballgowns, he knew he had to be her nigerian billionaire glitter prince. and that’s exactly what he does. he commissions a nigerian designer to make a suit and headpiece using akwete fabric in the colors of the speak now era’s visuals. all accented in rhinestones of course. he’s also all about the accessories with a watch, bracelets, necklaces, shoes, and glasses from various luxury brands. he does the absolute most, and everyone loves him for it.

bea - angel is in her midnights era, and i am here for it! bc of bullshit princess rules she couldn’t wear a bodysuit like she wanted. but no matter, she’s still going to shimmer. having not seen anyone do it yet, she literally learns to sew and diy’s a mini dress version of taylor’s yellow dress at the end of the bejeweled music video. it was totally, incredibly frustrating but she nails it! complete with lace, bows, and a little more sparkle, the dress hits so hard. she pairs it with sparkly louboutin boots and replicas of the hair clips and choker she bought off etsy. june helps her do taylor’s hairstyle from the video, while she does the makeup, beauty mark included.

so yeah that’s what i got. what do you think?? bc this is such a fun prompt and i could see each character doing like fifty different things lol <3

[got-into-worm-by-mistake]

Insinuation 2.7 Live Reactions

(This is me, writing reactions as I read, because why the fuck not. They're not complete, mature thoughts taken after I sit back and evaluate what I've read. Consider them as such)

I really need to plow through these faster. I'll be at this all summer and more at this rate.

 I felt a touch guilty, for acting under false pretenses.   I also felt pleased with myself, in an irrational way.

What false pretenses? :P Taylor, why you always lyin' to yourself? :P

That regret quickly turned to a pang of anxiety.  What would they think when they saw the real me?  Brian and Alec were good looking guys, in very different ways.  Lisa was, on the sliding scale between plain and pretty, more pretty than not.  My own scale of attractiveness, by contrast, put me somewhere on a scale that ranged from ‘nerd’ to ‘plain’.  My opinion of where I fit on that scale changed depending on the mood I was in when I was looking in the mirror.  They were cool, confident, assured people.  I was… me.

A year and a half of some of the most intense bullying will fuck you up.

I stopped myself before I could get worked up.  I wasn’t regular old Taylor, here.  In the here and now, I was the girl who had put Lung in the hospital, accidental as it was.  I was the girl who was going undercover to try and get the details on a particularly persistent gang of supervillains.  I was, until I came up with a better name to go by, Bug, the girl the Undersiders wanted on their team.

Ayyyyyy! There's that brain Taylor! :high fives her:

 I rationalized it by telling myself that I was already in this wholesale.  Being truthful about that one thing might well save my hide if any of them decided to do some digging on me, or if I ran into someone I knew while in their company. 

This isn't even a bad rationalization, like some of your others. Just sound logic.

 Lisa, though, put one of her arms around my shoulders and gave me a one-armed squeeze of a hug.  She was a little older than I was, so she was just tall enough to be at the perfect height to do it.  What caught me off guard was how nice the gesture felt.  Like I had been needing a hug from someone who wasn’t my dad for a long time.

Oh god you poor touch starved girl. We need to get you some emergency kittens, STAT! Maybe an overexcited puppy or two.

Or just Kara Danvers. She's huggy enough to cure even the worst touch-starvedness

It wasn’t an area that had been kept up, and kind of gave off an impression of a ghost town, or what a city might look like if war or disaster forced people to abandon it for a few years.  Grass and weeds grew between slats in the sidewalk, the road had potholes you could hide a cat in, and the buildings were all faded, consisting of peeling paint, cracked mortar and rusty metal.  The desaturated colors of the buildings were contrasted by splashes of vividly colored graffiti.  As we passed what had once been a main road for the trucks traveling between the warehouses and the docks, I saw a row of power lines without wires stretching between them.  At one point weeds had crawled most of the way up the poles, only to wither and die at some point.  Now each of the poles had a mess of dead brown plants hanging off of them.

Ah yes. The deadsville. Every fictional Urban Dystopia has one. :rofl:

Our destination was a red brick factory with a massive sliding metal door locked shut by a coil of chain.  Both the chain and door had rusted so much that I expected that neither offered any use.  The size of the door and the broadness of the driveway made me think that large trucks or small boats would have been backed up through the entryway back in the factory’s heyday.  The building itself was large, stretching nearly half the block, two or three stories tall.  The background of the sign at the top of the building had faded from red to a pale orange-pink, but I could make out the bold white letters that read ‘Redmond Welding’.

The convenient abandoned warehouse/factory.

Someone should set up an evil lair in an abandoned coffee shop. Just for a change of fictional pace.

I supposed they might have a TiVo, though I’d never seen one.

For some reason, some name-brands just feel... weird to see name-checked in fiction. TiVo is one of them.

“I’m jealous,” I admitted, meaning it. “Dork,” Alec said, “What are you jealous for?” “I meant it’s cool,” I protested, a touch defensively. Lisa spoke before Alec could reply, “I think what Alec means is that this is your place now too.  This is the team’s space, and you’re a member of the team, now.”

Cut her some slack Alec. She's still getting used to the idea of belonging/being wanted/welcome anywhere.

Also, like, I imagine Lisa doing that has *got* to get infuriating sometimes.

“Last time he went up against Shadow Stalker, he came back here and bled all over a white couch,” Lisa groused, “nine hundred dollar couch and we had to replace it.”

You shouldn't have gotten a white couch then :P

I blinked a few times, then hedged, “For other local capes?  I’ve done research online, read the cape magazines religiously for a few years, more since getting my powers… but I dunno.  If the past twenty four hours have taught me anything, it’s that there’s a lot I don’t know, and will only find out the hard way.”

Information is the greatest weapon in the Wormverse, that's for sure.

I stared at her, a good part of me horrified that I’d gotten into an undercover situation opposite a girl with superpowered intuition. Taking my silence for awe, she grinned her vulpine smile, “It’s not that amazing.  I’m really best with concrete stuff.  Where things are, timing, encryption, yadda yadda.  I can read something out of changes in body language or routine, but it’s less reliable and kind of a headache.  Enough information overload without, you know?” I did know, her explanation echoed my own thoughts regarding my ability to see and hear things through my bugs.  Still, her words didn’t make me feel that much better.

Alert! Danger Will Robinson Taylor Hebert

“And,” Brian said, still glowering at Lisa, “Even if she knows a lot, that doesn’t mean Lisa can’t be a dumbass sometimes.”

Everyone who has valid (even if not always correct) reason to think they're the smartest person in the room has a remarkable ability to also be the biggest dumbass in the room.

2.7 - not quite knocks it out of the park, but definitely very good.

[be-ready-when-i-say-go]

I see your neck post and I raise you:

Steve gets drunk one night, like, hammered, because he's missing Nancy and m! Reader (I'm so sorry for adding on to the male reader requests-) and Eddie are there with Robin. Reader has somewhat similar hair to Nancy so Steve is clinging to him so reader tells Robin to get his boyfriend Eddie.

Eddie is just 🧍 "bro what- no. Mine." Super possessive so he gets all bitey on the reader in front of Steve.

Maybe some smut? That's completely up to you.

Stay safe and take care of yourself! I hope you have a wonderful day or evening!

Request is referirng to this post--because NECK. And whoops this got so sad. I'm sorry! Let me know if this isn't what you had in mind.

Requests have resumed. You can submit yours here!

Currently writing for Eddie Munson. I write for a variety of reader inserts (male, female, gender neutral, readers of color too).

The more details you had to your request, the better it is for me. EX: “What about some fluff for Eddie after he’s had a long day?”

Feel free to look through my masterlist here!

Eddie Munson x Male Reader.

_________________________

You lift your head as the shrill of the phone echoes around you. Eddie gives your shoulder another tug--the TV holds a gorey red hue that paints the walls of the trailer. You laugh at Eddie's insistent hold. "What if it's the plant?" you question softly as the phone continues to ring.

It'd been a couple weeks since you and Eddie have been able to properly hang out. Your job had you working nights and you didn't get off until nearly 1 sometimes 2 in the morning. The timing always sort of fell apart for one reason or another. Until now. You had two days off--on a weekend no less-- and Eddie had asked you to spend the night.

It was easy to say yes to his request. Eddie had gone to Family Video to stock up on movies and you agreed to cover the snacks. So you understand why Eddie is pouting as he pushes up from the couch. He undoubtedly did not want anything to interrupt the evening, but at the mention that it could be about his uncle, Eddie pushes up and answers the phone.

You pause the film, watching Eddie nod into the receiver. "Yeah he's here with me. You okay, Buckley?"

You perk up at the mention of Robin. She and you were friends--forged by fire and Math class. Robin clocked you the second you walked into that algebra class. You took in the writing on her Chuck Taylors and knew too. It wasn't that it was obvious but it was more like signals. If you were looking for your people, even the smallest hint was something to cling to and also be terrified off.

But that year--your junior, her sophomore--the two of you became fast friends. Now, even though you've graduated, you still went by her job to chat. The two of you still made efforts to have standing lunch dates when you could.

You push up off the couch too, taking the short trip to Eddie's kitchen where the phone resides. You faintly catch the sound of Robin's voice slurring together. Eddie notices the furrow of your brow and brings a hand to rub it over your back. Maybe it's all fine. But your heart beat thrums in your neck.

She asks again for you and Eddie hands the phone over. "Rob?" you question.

She giggles into the receiver. "Hi, so, uh, I need help."

"Help? Where are you?" you ask.

"I-" a hiccup interrupts her speech. "Steve's place. He sssaid he wanted to talk. But he'ss totally trashed."

"From the sounds of it, so are you?"

"No, no, no,' Robin quickly corrects. "But his parents are going to be back in town tomorrow. My fingers aren't cooperating with me. Please," Robin begs into the phone. "I won't ever ask for another favor for as long as I live."

"Steve's parents are never home," you mutter to yourself.

"Please, please, please." Another hiccup cuts Robin off and you sigh as you agree to come to Steve's place. You'd only been out the front of his house. It's not that you and Steve were strangers to each other. In fact you'd hazard the terms acquaintances to describe each other. But still, the two of you had a sort of line. You were friends with Robin and Steve was friends with Eddie and you learned about each other via this connection, but hadn't delved into anything beyond that.

"Fine. But you owe me. Interrupting date night is like a total no-no.'

"I know. I'm ssorry. Tell Eddie I'll do whatever he wants to make it up. Well, not whatever I won't suck his--'

"Alright, alright," you huff to cut her off. "Sit still. We're on our way."

"Thank you! I love you! Oh my god," Robin gushes. At the same time, Eddie's voice rings throughout the trailer, "We?"

And just faintly before you hang up the phone you finally catch Steve's voice. "And another thing, Robs!'

It's definitely going to be a long night.

It takes you all of three minutes to convince Eddie to let you leave. He pouts for a while stating you can't leave when it's so dark out. But he knows it's Robin asking for you and he knows you won't take his no. So as you pull the sweatshirt back over your t-shirt and unearth your shoes from underneath Eddie's bed, you watch Eddie follow suit. He slips into his jacket, gets his shoes back on, and right as you grab your keys, he takes them from you.

'Well if you're going, so am I. I'm not getting left behind," he counters.

When you pull up to Steve's house, you're not sure what you're expecting. Perhaps, you're waiting for Steve to fall out of the door, shout at you for showing up at your door. Instead through, Robin greets you. Behind her you can hear sniffles. "It's not fair!" Steve huffs.

"I am a dumbass," Robin greets. "But here are my knights in shining---leather jackets?" She squints just a little, but then waves you all inside. She's not as gone as you initially thought. But the place is a little out of sorts.

There's cans littered throughout the house. A fine level of dust on the shelves. It doesn't even look like anyone lives there truly. "Is he okay?" you ask.

Robin shrugs. "A recurring theme. I just--can one person help me get the cans up and other help me get Steve to bed? He's a large man. Doesn't look it, but damn he's a gaggle of limbs."

Eddie volunteers to help get Steve up to his room. It makes the most sense. "Alright, big guy, let's get you all tucked in," Eddie teases.

"Who the fuck let you in, man?" Steve laughs. You only hear the taunts as you trail behind Robin into the kitchen. It's not too bad in here. There's bottles, a few glasses in the sink. You initially thought maybe the place had been overrun with mold. But it's relatively tame. Steve clearly does his bet to keep the house together. It's not perfect but you don't think anyone with a full time job to keep a house perfectly intact.

The trash bag whips in your ear and Robin hands it over to you. "Why-why don't you take a seat, Robin?" you offer directing her to a chair at the kitchen table.

"Didn't want him drinking alone,' she offers, resting her head on her forearms. She hadn't expected Steve to go on the tangent and binge that he had. She didn't want to catch up to him, but damn Steve and his charm when he'd make a joke about how slow Robin was going with her own intake. So she'd give him just a taste--flip him off as she took her sip. He grinned with an easy, Atta girl each time.

Now, the room did not feel as stable as it started out as and Steve was worse for wear. Though he didn't seem belligerent, she could see the sadness behind his eyes. It was a shitty time for Steve to fall down into this well of self-pity. He'd been bitching about how his parents were finally coming back into town weeks before the holidays in order to keep up appearances.

It started him on a spiral. Robin couldn't control it, not when she agreed to also have a drink or three with Steve. Not eating before hand was catching up. You fix Robin a glass of water and think maybe Steve should have one too. So you find another glass and go into the living room where Eddie is covered in a not sober Steve. Eddie's laughing as the slightly younger man has slung himself over Eddie's shoulders. But when Steve eyes fall onto yours, you watch something turn.

You don't know what it is as first, but you put the glass down on the table. "So you don't hate yourself in the morning," you laugh and then turn back into the kitchen.

"Is that?" Steve asks to Eddie. It would be a whisper if not for the fact that Steve wasn't truly in control of his volume. "No way," he finishes, interrupting his own thought.

You're not sure what he's referring to, so you chuckle just a little slightly unsure of circumstances. "In the flesh. You okay, Eds?"

Eddie nods, "Yeah, nothing I can't handle."

You turn back into the kitchen, setting out for real this time to clean up what's been left behind. Robin's soft snores hit your ears and you think maybe she was further gone than she let on. You'll let her sleep for the time being. Though you know her parents are definitely going to have a lot of questions when you drop her off.

You just get water into the sink when you catch Eddie's voice. "Steve, you're drunk. Don't--"

Something bumps hard--you hear the thump followed by the shriek of Eddie and the rattle of glass. You spin around and a slightly uncoordinated Steve is barreling through the kitchen to you. "I knew it. I knew you'd come," he's babbling.

"Steve?" you question, taking a small step back. "What are you?"

"I was trying to tell Robin," Steve sighs as he wraps you into a hug. "She didn't believe me. But I knew. You always come, Nance."

As your body freezes, your hands pinned between your and Steve's chest, you realize now what might've started this whole ordeal. "Steve, hate to break it to you," you start.

"No, no, you don't have to say anything. I know I'm a dunce. I know, but you always come." His body starts to tremble and you think maybe he's crying.

Eddie catches up, rounding the corner of the kitchen island. "Steve, buddy, I need you to step away from my boyfriend please," he starts gently.

"That's not funny," Steve starts. He unravels from you, but keeps an arm slung around your shoulders. You knew from the jokes the kids always made that you and Nancy shared a resemblance. It was a little unnerving seeing her for the first time. But being just as tall as Steve and Eddie definitely gave you a distinct edge over her.

"Steve, bud, I'm serious. It's-it's not Nancy. I know you miss her," Eddie reasons. He does offer an extended hand for Steve to take. "Why don't you and I-'

Steve's no longer paying attention, eyes zeroing in on you. "Sorry, Steve," you whisper. It takes him a moment and his eyes widen once it clicks.

"Oh-I'm-fuck, I'm sorry," he stumbles out, snatching his arm back like he'd put it near fire. Almost like popping a balloon, Steve deflates. He apologizes the entire time Eddie's walking with him up the stairs.

You knew of Steve and Nancy dating--much like everyone did. But you hadn't been privy to how much their relationship had impacted Steve this much. There's some part of you that's more worried if Steve's going to remember what he did rather than having been the one who has lived through it.

The kitchen is easy to clean thankfully. You know your dusting will be surface level, but as you go through the rooms downstairs, collecting whatever trash exist in those spaces, you give the tables and shelves a quick wipe. You're almost done with the living room when Eddie returns down stairs. The water that Steve spilled is starting to try and though you think you should maybe have more concern for the carpet, you know that deep down it's just water.

Eddie and you work in relative silence until you're tossing the trash bags into the bins at the back of the house. Right as the two of you are getting ready to head back into the house, his arms wrap around your waist. "I'm going to have to keep you away from jocks now," Eddie teases.

You snort. "Steve is clearly drunk."

"Yeah, and you're clearly a hot commodity," Eddie teases. You weren't sure how he'd react to Steve's mistake. But you know even behind the taunts, there could also be a lingering insecurity.

"Well good for you, I purposefully took myself off the market," you return.

"Hmm, who might be the lucky guy who snatched you up?"

"Not anyone I think you would know."

Eddle laughs, head dipping to press a kiss to your neck. He does have to fight the material of your sweatshirt to do it, but it doesn't seem to deter Eddie at all. The night carries your laughter. For the smallest of moments, it's just the two of you. You turn in his embrace, heart picking up as you watch the skin around Eddie's eyes crinkle with his smile.

"You're handsome, you know?" you whisper.

"I've been told a time or two," Eddie shrugs. You can spot the slight change of color in his cheeks.

"Thanks for coming with me to rescue, Robin."

"Of course." He says it with ease as though he wouldn't choose to do anything else if faced with the choice.

It's happening for you stop yourself, stretching to take Eddie's lips into a kiss. It starts slow, tasting the nicotine on his tongue from the smoke you're sure Eddie had before you came over. And behind it there's the hint of chocolate from the M&M's he stole from you too. Eddie smells of the earth--deeply as you press it into your nose. He holds your hips as the kisses increase intensity. There's a push and pull, sighs and smacks.

You pull back just a little and tilt his head back. It's going to make Eddie puddy. You know that. It's why you do it--kissing down his throat. The whimper falls almost immediately as your lips work over his skin. It's easy to do this, after a few months of exploring you know Eddie a bit better than you think he knows himself.

So you suck, pursing lips to pull at his skin and then release it with a pop. Eddie shivers that the flat of your tongue smoothing over the hickey you've no doubt left behind on his pale skin. He doesn't care though.

His grip tightens at your hips and he sighs. "Baby--once we drop Robin off, I'm going to get you back for this."

You laugh into his neck, dropping the act and instead cozying up into his hold. "I'm holding you to it."

-H

[coldwayhome]

hi, I want to request death by a thousand cuts for fem!reader please!

I'm asian, about 5'2 with short hair and brown eyes. extroverted and outgoing, chaotic person and a pain in the ass with friends (like literally), BUT shy with strangers mostly because I don’t know them or I'm uncomfortable around them. according to my friends, they thought I was quiet and calm person, when they saw me in public. I get irritated/mad quite easily around loved ones and it's like issue.

I like reading (my fav writers are Jane Austen and Louisa May Alcott), watching movies, listening to music (HUGE TAYLOR SWIFT FAN, also I adore Lana Del Rey, Laufey, Bruno Mars and The Smiths). the most frustrating thing is that because of my optimistic behavior in society, people usually think I'm dummy.

and if you don’t mind, I wanted to say that my love language is physical touch and words of affirmation. I'll be looking forward to it and thanks in advance!

anon 🤍

౨ৎ ⋆˚ ONE FOR THE AGES

☆ DEATH BY A THOUSAND CUTS: send a description of yourself, and i'll assign you a best friend (based on the characters i write for)!

— okay this sounds random but you remind me of rarity from my little pony for some reason HAHA

— (that's a compliment she's my fav!!)

— anyways

— reading this, i immediately jumped to piper.

— in my view, piper is super welcoming and sweet to new people, yet stands her ground if she senses something wrong.

— when piper met you for the first time, she immediately knew she was going to be your best friend.

— call it aphrodite's intuition, spidey senses, whatever, but she made it her mission to crack your shell.

— shy at first, you were a bit intimidated by this girl towering over you (piper is 5'10 fight me), asking you questions and making direct eye contact.

— she somehow convinced you to take a walk with her around camp, showing you around.

— she continued her interrogation questioning, and you slowly started to open up.

— it wasn't as though she was making you uncomfortable, but she can definitely be a lot if you aren't used to her energy.

— you opened up about your favorite hobbies and interests, and piper saw you were becoming more comfortable with her.

— she was internally cheering! of course, piper could charmspeak someone to be her friend, but she was absolutely against that.

— making friends has always been hard for piper, partly because of her father. she grew up too fast :(

— so seeing you smiling with her, her heart grew.

— hanging out with you for the next few weeks made her so happy! she introduced you to leo and jason, and even her cabinmates took interest in you.

— you turned piper on to your favorite music and books, and found similar activities you could do together (piper's personal favorite is strawberry picking)

— you both liked to chill, too. painting nails and dancing to your shared playlist were just some of the things you enjoyed together.

— growing closer with you was one of piper's highlights of camp. she enjoyed having a friend like you, one she could hold hands with without it being "weird".

— piper is so happy to be your friend 🤍

ahh thank you for rqing anon!!! piper is my girl and i love her so much; i hope you do too! feel free to leave feedback or new rqs in my inbox!! (p.s your guys' laufey song is best friend <33)

[strawberryblondebutch]

Back by unpopular demand, it's my top albums of 2023! While 2022 suffered a dearth of good artists that made it impossible to cobble together a top 10, I struggled this year to whittle my 50(!!)-album shortlist down to my top.

Same rules as always: everything on this list is a full-length album (no EPs) of largely previously unreleased material (no reissues, no cover albums, no Taylor's Version) arranged in an intentional manner (no B-sides or rarities albums). Now, behold!

10. DOG PARK DISSIDENTS - THE PINK AND BLACK ALBUM

I hope I'm not the only punk frustrated with the decline of queer rage in the music scene. Everyone's sad and no one is angry. If you're sick of being well-behaved, this is the album for you. I've been a Dog Park Dissidents fan for years now, and I'm thrilled to see them put out an LP, especially one as great as this one.

9. SINCERE ENGINEER - CHEAP GRILLS

Something everyone needs to know about me: I love a girlflop. There is nothing more endearing than an absolute disaster of a woman, and no one is flopping through life quite like Deanna Belos. Her third album brings her scratchy-voiced brashness into her early 30s, and as much as I hope for an end to her crisis, at least she has a good soundtrack going.

8. ALL GET OUT - ALL GET OUT

Wouldn't it be easy if I didn't listen to any albums? If I just put my favorite bands in the top ten and said "that's enough hard work, I think"? Well, I don't, because sometimes there's a surprise. All Get Out has frustrated me for a while, as their Southern-fried brand of rock and roll is something I should like, but they never seemed to put it all together... until now.

7. BLONDSHELL - BLONDSHELL

Sabrina Mae Teitelbaum showed up at the eleventh hour to wreck my rankings. I was unaware of Blondshell until they opened for Liz Phair a month ago, and I was intrigued enough to follow up and listen to her debut. Her stage presence needs some work -- unlike, say, Foxing's latest album, which I learned to love once I heard it live, I think Blondshell is better recorded -- but if this is her first effort, I can't wait to see what she does next.

6. ZZ WARD - DIRTY SHINE

2023 was the year of blues rock artists going independent, and their music was all the better for it. The Record Company was a late cut for my honorable mentions, but ZZ takes the sixth spot here. There was a lot riding on Dirty Shine: she was independent and had been mostly silent since the pandemic. With some of the tightest production I've seen this year, she hasn't missed a step.

5. QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE - IN TIMES NEW ROMAN...

Talk about someone who's been through the wringer since their last album. Josh Homme battled cancer, alcoholism, and a bitter divorce, and his band's latest release is one of pent-up rage. It bears strong shades of 2007's Era Vulgaris, which was divisive in its own time, and as a result, some might hate In Times New Roman... for its looser, crunchier sound. For me? It's exactly what I like to hear.

4. SPANISH LOVE SONGS - NO JOY

I have a confession: I'm a terrible album reviewer. It takes me weeks or months to listen to something new, even for my favorite artists, like Spanish Love Songs. I didn't get around to No Joy until just before I went to see SPL open for Hot Mulligan, at which point I felt like the time had come. This album was an acquired taste, smoother and more polished than 2020's Brave Faces, Everyone, but like Frightened Rabbit's 2016 Painting of a Panic Attack, the sparser sound lets you focus on what Dylan et al. are trying to say, and you can soon tell No Joy is an album that needed to come out for his own sake.

3. HEART ATTACK MAN - FREAK OF NATURE

Speaking of "late on the draw," behold Heart Attack Man, a band I should have loved... if I ever got around to listening to them. They hang around all the same scenes my other favorite bands do (in fact, Hot Mulligan also brought them along on their most recent tour), and yet I never got around to exploring them until this June, when they played in Philly for $20 tickets. Good thing my impulses won out, because this album is what punk should be (and something it's been sorely missing).

2. HOT MULLIGAN - WHY WOULD I WATCH?

After shouting them out in the last two entries, I have to give Hot Mulligan their flowers. They're a strange band, having more in common with Dance Gavin Dance than, say, The Wonder Years. It's progressive post-hardcore for Midwest emos, and although the individual songs on Why Would I Watch? are on par with any individual song from a previous release, they do something here that elevates them above their other work: put out an album, rather than a collection of songs.

1. FIREWORKS - HIGHER LONELY POWER

It was always going to be Fireworks. They released this album on January 1 after a long hiatus, giving me an entire year to have this LP rattle in my brain and linger in my bones. Higher Lonely Power combines several trends found on the rest of this list -- a new sound that needed to grow on me, a need to shake off the rust of a hiatus, a band I took far too long to get to know. They're my favorite band's favorite band for a reason, and Higher Lonely Power is a gorgeous mediation on love, death, and aging. A worthy album of the year if ever there were one.

[juliapilecki]

Part 1: Self-Love

Conceptual Goals: For this piece, I was really inspired by the lyric "You're on your own kid, you always have been" by Taylor Swift. I chose to make that the center point of my artwork because I feel like it is very representative of my twenties, especially as I'm preparing to graduate in the spring. It is a scary feeling to be thrust into the real world but it is also exciting and I think this lyric and song reflects that feeling quite well. I wanted to fill the rest of the canvas with images and colors that felt like me (with also a few more Taylor Swift references hidden throughout).

Aesthetic Goals: I used paint, colored pencil, and collage materials in this piece. I wanted it to be bright and hopeful but also hyperfeminine which is why you see a lot of pink and flowers. I have always loved wildflowers and flowers in general which is why I thought they were very important to include in my piece. I also drew a sort of celestial-yin-yang because I have always loved the sun and moon and have gravitated equally towards both of them. I decided to add the hearts, stars, and circles because I felt like the piece needed a little more color.

Course Inspiration: As I mentioned before, I really wanted this piece to feel hyperfeminine as a sort of juxtaposition to my second piece, which is more masculine. I used pink a lot and also used typically feminine objects, like flowers and butterflies. My artwork here really reminded me of my artwork from our Animals unit in the way I collaged materials and created a background with blank space.

Part 2: Spreading Love

Conceptual Goals: I made this piece for my boyfriend and I really wanted to make it representative of him and the things he loves. Every single little piece of the artwork has meaning that can be related back to him. I wanted to create something that matched his aesthetic and preferences so he could hang it up as a gift from me but still have something that felt like him.

Aesthetic Goals: My boyfriend wants to be a history professor so I definitely took that in mind when creating the background of this piece. I used printed cardstock with mostly worldly images, which reminded me of him. I also used a newspaper clipping from a hunting article because he has been getting into hunting lately. Next, I wanted to just fill the rest of the artwork with images that are related to him in some form. Because the background of the piece was so busy, I wanted to keep the images on top a little more simple. I used pen and paint to create the drawings and also used collage materials. The black and white nature of some of the images kind of reminded me of tattoos, which my boyfriend loves. I incorporated his favorite sports and activities and also his love for music and frogs. One of his favorite bands is Pinegrove and I represented that subtly with my painting of pine trees. The flower that I painted is meant to be a Black-Eyed Susan, which I always compare to the color of his eyes.

Course Inspiration: I was really inspired by the portrait unit and the feedback I received, which was to delve deeper into the psychology of my character. I was extremely thoughtful when choosing each of the items that went on this piece and I think that is because I truly spent some time considering what my boyfriend loves and values in this world. I made sure to incorporate many aspects of his life and I felt grateful to be able to know someone so well to create this piece for him. I was very happy with how it came out and it is very meaningful to me.

[jammytriestowrite]

A Look Back on my 2022:

If I were to describe 2022 in one word, it would be Calm. This is the year where I learned how to calm down and not be pressured by anything else. Calm down on pursuing the goals, achieving growth and progress. Calm down on my own journey and not compare it with others. I became self-aware and self-reliant on my own happiness this year. I still have my bad days but I accept them now calmly because they're supposed to be there. To be more alive, I guess? Overall, I wouldn't say 2022 is great or awesome or worse. But I just think that is what a year is supposed to be, Calm.

As a look back on 2022, here are my year-end reflection lists:

Habits I shall (or any obligatory word) quit by next year:

Not replying back to friends

Not waking up on time (6:30am will be my new alarm set as a punishment) and oversleeping

Binging too much TV

Saying NO to friends/family

Impulsive buying

Being hot-headed when it comes to certain situations (IDK how to explain this but some people keep testing my patience)

Not asking for HELP

Not asking questions

Doomscrolling. Consuming too much social media.

I will continue, Oh my God, to do all these actions, for the love of me:

READ. Just read more books, articles, essays, etc. Educate yourself.

Spend quality time with family (treat them once in a while)

Same with friends (meet old friends)

Walk. Jog. Exercise. Beat that Move goal challenges.

Dentist appointments twice a year

WRITE! Write your thoughts, your feelings, your frustrations, what you love, etc. Just write to unload those emotions and heal on your own.

Watch documentaries.

Cook and prepare your food.

Embroidery! Finish once your start a piece.

Make art. Draw, sketch, paint, watercolor, make a video, and write a poem. Explore your artistry.

Clean your room once a month.

Be there for people but have boundaries.

Travel and visit new places.

Be curious.

Things I'm grateful for:

Family - I get to spend more time with them this year. Even though we're a family who doesn't talk about personal stuff, I think just being in their presence means so much to me.

Friends - 2022 is the year of meeting with a lot of my close friends. and meeting new ones. My relationship with them is low maintenance where we don't need to chat constantly but hanging out with them once in a while just puts me in a happy state.

Sidelines - I'm so thankful for the clients who trusted me this year. Not to mention, they're the reason I was able to save money. I hope this will continue and grow in the coming year. I'm ready for more side projects.

Travel - This year is my most traveled year so far. I went to Tagaytay, Boracay, Baguio, Bulacan, Laguna, and Pampanga. I went Hiking in Rizal (with complete strangers). And finally visited the National Museum of Natural History with friends. I'm excited about the places I will visit come 2023, I wish I can finally travel abroad which is not work-related, Thailand or Taiwan is my top priority to visit with my budget.

Experiences - Of course, 2022 is memorable for the experiences it brought me. I went to a concert of All Time Low which is one of my favorite bands growing up. It was a very surreal experience. I finally watched a musical last November, it's called We Will Rock You, and a homage to Queen songs, which are some of the best songs for me. More musical experiences for next year, please! Lastly, when I went to Leni-Kiko Rally. It was my proudest moment as a Filipino to be there. I was just merely attending their rally, but it made me hopeful for the country. Makes me think of what could've been if she won the presidency. I know PH is going downhill now, but I hope for a better 2023 for us.

Love/Dating - This has been so idle this year. But still grateful for the learnings it gave me. I only dated one person and it didn't go well because *insert anti-hero by Taylor Swift*. I realized dating requires too much effort and I feel like I want to accomplish more before being in a commitment with another person. But I still want it. I crave it. It's just that I'm not willing to work for it. So that's what I will be doing in 2023. Work for the love I deserve.

That ends my 2022. It wasn't as grand as the others but for me, It's the best year. I really liked it. No, I loved it. Thank you, 2022. Now, I'm looking forward to new experiences, explorations, and self-discoveries. I already know 2023 will be just as calm as this year. Happy new year, everyone! Let's fucking gooooo!

[ciarashoggoth]

A Report! From Outside the Walls of Mallmart

There in the heat of the backrooms, Taylor Peyton asks me a question that makes my heart leap with joy. "Ciara, would you come with me after work?"

She's standing there expectantly, watching as I heave a canopy set onto my cart. Her face is serious, eyes drilling into me for an answer, no hint of humor on her face, because Taylor finally wants an answer. An answer to something bigger than whether or not I have time after work, and we both know it. Because this is a story about Taylor Peyton.

One thing about Mallmart, is that you have to keep your schedule wide open. Sure, you may be balancing your studies from school or college. You may have a second job to keep up with rent. Maybe you have an elderly relative that is relying on your help at home. Maybe your fragile psyche can only handle seeing so much that our store has to offer. Mallmart does not care, you will offer over your very soul to capitalism, and you will do it with a pinned customer service smile on your face. 

I know this very well, and so every time I am asked to stay past my scheduled shift, I do not try to fight my fate. From 6am to 7pm, it's all the same. So when I was asked to work past 4pm that day, I paused. For all of my time working for this company, I have never said no to a superior. In fact, all of my life, I had been told that it was defiant and insubordinate to do such a thing. Taylor though-

No, this was special. Since it was special, it deserved a level of bravery. I needed to fight for it. 

…And by fight, I mean that I said, "Oh, I'm so sorry. I really can't… I just remembered I'm violently ill! So, so sorry-" and somehow through the groveling, I found my way out into the parking lot, where Taylor was awaiting me, a small smirk painting her lips. 

Honestly getting to hang out with her made me feel a little sad, like I was missing her already- but it was wonderful. Some things you should know about Taylor Peyton is that she does not jump straight into the questions that she wants to ask. She waits you out, and you get slow cooked like a boiled frog until you forget why you were withholding information from her in the first place. She would make a marvelous detective, it just comes so easy to her. 

We went out on a dayboat or whatever they're called, she let me steer it and honestly all of our problems seemed so much smaller when we were off the island, looking at it from out on the water. I had to put you guys in a little waterproof bag to keep you from getting wet (my phone), and as the boat left the shore I found myself not caring where we went, or whatever came next. It was just nice to get away from the niceness of Niceville.

We ended up going to crab island, a spot in the middle of the bay where the ocean floor abruptly became shallow in the middle of the deep emerald waters. It was a hot spot for partying, and today was certainly not an exception. "You coming with me?" She easily sheds her top leaving her undershirt behind, before lazily swinging her legs over the side of the boat and plunging into the water. The water pulls at her dark hair as she floats in the current, and it's like she belongs there in the water, and she's looking at me, expecting me to follow. So of course I do just that, with my work clothes and everything. The water felt amazing though, and it was so green. That's gotta be one of my favorite things about this place, the color of the sea. "It blows my mind how warm the water is here! It's absolutely nothing like up north~" I let my body go limp against the water, and the current pushes against the aches that fill my body. "You know, you never answered my question-" 

"What question?" Taylor levels me with a stare, and I let out a ragged sigh. "C'mon Taylor, I'm sorry. It was before I even met you and I just… Okay yes, I made a pact I just needed some luck on my side. I didn't even believe in the stuff, it was just a stupid thing to do." A fish jumps out of the water, snapping up a bird from the air and plunging back into the emerald waves. "I'm not mad anymore, I just want to understand is all. I feel like it plays a key role in why this town is the way it is."

"This town is perfectly normal. It was silly to even think something was wrong in the first place…" At this, Taylor gestures towards the blood in the water from the eaten gull, raising a brow at me. 

The storm started rolling in fast, dark  clouds rapidly approaching us as we waded through saltwater waves and feelings. I recall asking her, "Hey Taylor, we remembered to put the anchor down, right? That looks like our boat drifting away." And then Taylor said, "Oh yeah we put the anchor down, remember? There's no way that's our boat." And then a couple of minutes later, Taylor suddenly screamed, "HEY! THAT'S OUR BOAT!!" So then we were both frantically trying to get back to the runaway pontoon and I kinda had to swim in some deep waters just to retrieve it but I did and we hightailed it out of there.

Oh, the weather was amazing!  Taylor was sputtering about how we were going to die and seemed in the middle of a panic attack but when I exclaimed, "Isn't this romantic? Too bad your boyfriend isn't here!" That seemed to get her to laugh. It was pretty hard to see Okaloosa through all the rain and sea spray so we kinda circled around for a while and eventually we made it to shore and away from the storm that was honestly already dissipating by the time we made it back.

We just kinda laid in the grass over at a nearby park after we brought the dayboat back, and talked about life. She talked about her boyfriend, about moving to Norway, about how she wants to find a place to call home instead of hopping from one place to another.  She said I should get out of here too, that she's scared of what will happen to me without her around. "Where would I go? Norway?" And we just kinda joked around playing make believe on what I would do and stuff in Norway, pretending like I'd ever move when we know I can't. We talked about our dreams, about how she decided on pursuing a career in microbiology, about how she originally was interested in the medical field. I told her about how I once wanted to be a singer, or an actor like on those old television shows. You know, ones like 'I Love Lucy' and 'Threes Company'... and she didn't even laugh at me.

She told me she wants us all to meet up one last time, Aiden included before she leaves. It was nice. It was so hot we dried up mostly in the sun that was blood red and crying its humidity over us. I dunno, I just feel like for the first time in a while I felt like myself. Or more awake. Maybe not even myself, maybe the better half of me is long gone but whoever this is, I'm okay with now.

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

083 of 2023

Think about the last person you slept with. Who do you think enjoyed it more?

He did, as always. I never do.

Lil’ Wayne has a bunch of new songs out. Have you heard them yet?

Lol this survey must be old.

Would someone be more likely to find Taylor Swift or Underoath on your ipod?

I don’t have an iPod.

If it came down to it would you be able to pick between your best friend or your sibling’s life?

No. My sister is one of my friends.

When flat ironing or using other heating tools for your hair, do you use some kind of protection?

I don’t do anything to my hair, except for washing and putting on hair gel.

When you go to the movie theaters, do you prefer a seat in the front, middle, or back?

I don’t go to movies.

Would you be more inclined to believe in zombies or vampires (even if you believe in neither)?

Probably vampires.

Are you honestly scared to die?

Very much so.

How many serious relationships have you had? Do you wish it was higher or lower?

I don’t count the first one, so just two. Could be less.

How many tv shows would you estimate that you watch a day?

Less than one.

If you had to pick, would you rather get a pet snake or a pet mouse?

Mouse. No questions.

Is your house a one story, two story, or more?

Two and the attic.

If I were to walk into your room, what would I see? Would I be shocked?

Probably, there’s a pile of laundry there.

How many good friends would you say you have?

More than 10 for sure.

Do you try to eat healthy and stay in shape?

Let’s not talk about my eating habits. Starving myself is not healthy.

Based on how you look, would others guess you would listen to punk, pop, country, or rap music?

Most likely rap or maybe metal, and I’m fine with that.

Have you ever been suspended in high school?

No, I haven’t.

Would you rather hang out with friends in the pouring rain, or in a heavy snow fall?

Sure, we’d go to a bar. :P

Speaking of snow fall, when you were a kid did you ever make snow tunnels?

It’s been ages since Belgium saw the real snowfall, so.

Did you think the movie The Ring was actually scary, or just lame?

Never watched it, don’t care.

Who would you say is the prettiest female celebrity you know?

Amy Lee from Evanescence.

What about the hottest male celebrity? What makes him so hot?

Baas B, omg. What makes him hot? EVERYTHING.

Is there anything you want to do before you die?

A lot of things. I want to see a lot.

Is there anyone that you want to fix your relationship with?

Yeah, that friend of mine who used to call me “his little brother”.

When you took a bus to school, was it a female or male driver? Was he/she nice?

My school was two streets further, no need to take a bus.

What color are your fingernails and toenails?

Natural? I don’t ever paint them, ew.

Is there any guy that is honestly wrapped around your little finger ;)?

Yeah, kinda my husband. He’s strict, but he does everything for me.

Did you ever have a teacher that was really creepy?

I don’t recall anyone like that.

Would you say you’re good at wrapping gifts, or horrible like me?

Even worse, believe me.

How far away is the closest bathroom?

Across the kitchen.

Your boyfriend of 4 years that you love more than anything, tells you he likes to dress up in women’s clothes (cross dresser) and wants to dress up in your clothes and go out with you. How do you react?

Could be interesting, let’s do it :P

Is your family always out visiting people?

No. We don’t do that in Belgium.

What program do you use to download your music?

I use Spotify and I don’t download anything.

The last guy you made out with asks you out. Do you accept or reject?

He’s my husband, dumbass.

Are you guilty of deleting questions from surveys that you don’t want to answer?

No. I just say they’re too boring to answer.

Have you ever had a pet fish die on you?

Never had a pet fish.

Could you see yourself playing a professional sport?

I’ve done it at some point in my life already, but had to stop due to health issues.

Would you say that you are underweight, thin, average, chubby, or overweight?

Thin and on the verge of underweight, but still at the low end of healthy BMI.

Do you crack your knuckles a lot?

Yeah, I do. Some people hate it XD

Do you remember doing that kit kat hand game (gimme a break, gimme a break, break me off a piece of that kit kat bar)?

I’ve never heard about it.

What was your favorite thing about camp as a kid?

Never been to any camp.

Have you even been on a water slide? When was the last time?

Once, when I was maybe 10.

Do you remember how having lice as a kid was so embarrassing to admit?

Yep. No wonder why, it’s disgusting.

What do you do when you’re stressed out to the max (ex: sleep, walk, talk to a friend, etc.)?

I just freeze.

If you found out you were adopted, would you take it hard?

I don’t think so.

Have you even been on the site postsecret.com?

Never heard of it.

Do you have a webcam? Do you ever use it?

Every laptop has one and no, I don’t use it at all. It’s blocked.

Say something to anyone that you wish you could say?

I really like you, let’s be friends.

[sadprosed]

𝑳𝒀𝑹𝑰𝑪  𝑷𝑹𝑶𝑴𝑷𝑻𝑺.

↬   RED  (TAYLOR’S VERSION)  ( 2021 )  by  taylor  swift.

pt.  ii,   lyrics  that  made  me  sob  on  the  floor  at  2  am,  taken  from  or  inspired  by  the  lyrical  masterpiece  that  is  red  (tv).

+   feel  free  to  change  pronouns  /  roles  !

STAY  STAY  STAY.

‘  i’m  pretty  sure  we  almost  broke  up  last  night.  ’

‘  i  was  expecting  some  dramatic  turn  away,  but  you  stayed.  ’

‘  you  should  never  leave  a  fight  unresolved.  ’

‘  i’ve  been  loving  you  for  quite  some  time.  ’

‘  you  think  that  it’s  funny  when  i’m  mad.  ’

‘  i  think  that  it’s  best  if  we  both  stay.  ’

‘  i  love  you  because  you  have  given  me  no  choice  but  to  stay.  ’

‘  you  took  the  time  to  memorize  me:  my  fears,  my  hopes,  my  dreams.  ’

‘  it’s  been  occurring  to  me  i’d  like  to  hang  out  with  you  my  whole  life.  ’

‘  no  one  else  is  going  to  love  me  when  i  get  mad.  ’

THE  LAST  TIME.

‘  you  find  yourself  at  my  door,  just  like  all  those  times  before.  ’

‘  all  roads  they  lead  me  here.  ’

‘  right  before  your  eyes,  i’m  breaking.  ’

‘  this  is  the  last  time  i’m  asking  you  this.  ’

‘  put  my  name  at  the  top  of  your  list.  ’

‘  you  break  my  heart  in  the  blink  of  an  eye.  ’

‘  you  wear  your  best  apology,  but  i  was  there  to  watch  you  leave.  ’

HOLY  GROUND.

‘  i  was  reminiscing  just  the  other  day.  ’

‘  it  took  me  away,  back  to  a  first-glance  feeling.  ’

‘  i  guess  we  fell  apart  in  the  usual  way.  ’

‘  you  fit  in  my  poems  like  a  perfect  rhyme.  ’

‘  the  story’s  got  dust  on  every  page.  ’

‘  darling  it  was  good,  never  looking  down.  ’

‘  where  we  stood  was  holy  ground.  ’

‘  for  the  first  time  i  had  something  to  lose.  ’

‘  i  see  your  face  in  every  crowd.  ’

‘  i  don’t  want  to  dance,  if  i’m  not  dancing  with  you.  ’

SAD  BEAUTIFUL  TRAGIC.

‘  words,  how  little  they  mean  when  you’re  a  little  too  late.  ’

‘  good  girls,  hopeful  they’ll  be,  and  long  will  they  wait.  ’

‘  we  had  a  beautiful  magic  love  there.  ’

‘  in  dreams  i  meet  you  in  warm  conversation.  ’

‘  we  both  wake  in  lonely  beds  in  different  cities.  ’

‘  time  is  taking  its  sweet  time  erasing  you.  ’

‘  you’ve  got  your  demons,  and  darling  they  all  look  like  me.  ’

‘  what  a  sad,  beautiful  tragic  love  affair.  ’

THE  LUCKY  ONE.

‘  the  camera  flashes  make  it  look  like  a  dream.  ’

‘  you’ve  had  it  figured  out  since  you  were  in  school.  ’

‘  everybody  loves  pretty,  everybody  loves  cool.  ’

‘  your  name  goes  up  in  lights  like  diamonds  in  the  sky.  ’

‘  your  lover  in  the  foyer  doesn’t  even  know  you.  ’

‘  your  secrets  end  up  splashed  on  the  news  front  page.  ’

‘  they  tell  you  that  you’re  lucky,  but  you’re  so  confused.  ’

‘  you  don’t  feel  pretty,  you  just  feel  used.  ’

‘  all  the  young  things  line  up  to  take  your  place.  ’

‘  you  wonder  if  you’ll  make  it  out  alive.  ’

‘  they  still  tell  the  legend  of  how  you  disappeared.  ’

‘  it  took  some  time,  but  i  understand  it  now.  ’

‘  i  think  you’ve  got  it  right.  ’

‘  let  me  tell  you  now,  you’re  the  lucky  one.  ’

EVERYTHING  HAS  CHANGED.

‘  all  i  knew  this  morning  when  i  woke  is  i  know  something  now  i  didn’t  before.  ’

‘  i  just  wanna  know  you  better.  ’

‘  your  eyes  looked  like  coming  home.  ’

‘  you’ll  be  mine  and  i’ll  be  yours.  ’

‘  everything  has  changed.  ’

‘  all  my  walls  stood  tall,  painted  blue,  but  i’ll  take  them  down  and  open  up  the  door  for  you.  ’

‘  all  i  know  in  my  stomach  is  butterflies:  the  beautiful  kind,  making  up  for  lost  time.  ’

‘  come  back  and  tell  me  why.  ’

‘  i’m  feeling  like  i’ve  missed  you  all  this  time.  ’

‘  let  me  know  that  it’s  not  all  in  my  mind.  ’

STARLIGHT.

‘  oh  my,  what  a  marvelous  tune.  ’

‘  it  was  the  best  night,  never  would  forget  how  we  moved.  ’

‘  the  whole  place  is  dressed  to  the  nines.  ’

‘  we  were  dancing  like  we’re  made  of  starlight.  ’

‘  we  were  seventeen  and  crazy,  running  wild.  ’

‘  i  can’t  remember  what  song  he  was  playing  as  he  walked  in.  ’

‘  look  at  you,  worrying  so  much  about  things  you  can’t  change.  ’

‘  you’ll  spend  your  whole  life  singing  the  blues  if  you  keep  thinking  that  way.  ’

‘  don’t  you  see  the  starlight  ?  ’

‘  don’t  you  dream  impossible  things  ?  ’

‘  we  could  get  married.  ’

‘  we  could  have  ten  kids,  and  teach  them  how  to  dream.  ’

BEGIN  AGAIN.

‘  you  throw  your  head  back  laughing  like  a  little  kid.  ’

‘  i  think  it’s  strange  that  you  think  i’m  funny,  cause  he  /  she  /  they  never  did.  ’

‘  i’ve  been  spending  the  last  few  months  thinking  all  love  ever  does  is  break,  and  burn,  and  end.  ’

‘  on  a  wednesday  in  a  cafe  i  watched  it  begin  again.  ’

‘  you  don’t  know  why  i’m  coming  off  a  little  shy,  but  i  do.  ’

‘  for  the  first  time,  what’s  past  is  past.  ’

THE  MOMENT  I  KNEW.

‘  you  should’ve  been  there.  ’

‘  it  would’ve  felt  like  a  million  little  stars  had  just  aligned.  ’

‘  i  would’ve  been  so  happy.  ’

‘  i’ve  got  my  eye  on  the  door  just  waiting  for  you  to  walk  in.  ’

‘  you  said  you’d  be  here.  ’

‘  it  was  like  slow  motion.  ’

‘  i  was  standing  there  in  my  party  dress,  in  red  lipstick  with  no  one  to  impress.  ’

‘  there  was  one  thing  missing.  ’

‘  that  was  the  moment  i  knew.  ’

‘  i  try  not  to  fall  apart  as  the  sinking  feeling  starts.  ’

‘  what  do  you  say  when  tears are  streaming  down  your  face  in  front  of  everyone  you  know  ?  ’

‘  what  do  you  do  when  the  one  who  means  the  most  to  you  is  the  one  who  didn’t  show  ?  ’

COME  BACK  ...  BE  HERE.

‘  i  told  myself  don’t  get  attached.  ’

‘  this  is  when  the  feeling  sinks  in.  ’

‘  i  don’t  want  to  miss  you  like  this.  ’

‘  come  back,  be  here.  ’

‘  i  don’t  want  to  need  you  this  way.  ’

‘  i  guess  you’re  in  london  today.  ’

‘  if  i  had  known  what  i  know  now,  i  never  would  have  played  so  nonchalant.  ’

‘  this  is  falling  in  love  in  the  cruelest  way.  ’

‘  i  am  falling  for  you  when  you  are  worlds  away.  ’

‘  i  break  down,  cause  it’s  not  fair  that  you’re  not  around.  ’

GIRL  AT  HOME.

‘  don’t  look  at  me.  ’

‘  you’ve  got  a  girl  at  home  and  everybody  knows  that.  ’

‘  i  feel  a  responsibility  to  do  what’s  upstanding  and  right.  ’

‘  you’ve  been  getting  closer  and  closer,  and  crossing  so  many  lines.  ’

‘  it’d  be  a  fine  proposition,  if  i  was  a  stupid  girl.  ’

‘  i  am  no  one’s  exception.  ’

‘  you’re  the  kind  of  man  who  makes  me  sad.  ’

‘  let’s  consider  this  lesson  learned.  ’

‘  i  might  go  with  it  if  i  hadn’t  once  been  just  like  her.  ’