#i have such a problem with being a fraud in everything i do ahdsgjhgags | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

gloriousmishaps · 5 years

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figuring out you might have a diagnosable mental illness in your adult years and then looking back on everything you did as a kid and slowly connecting the dots is both a satisfying and terrifying experience

#my posts #all of those weird borderline autistic things i did as a baby child?#most of them could probably be traced back to adhd and a budding ocd disorder i must have grown out of #flapping my hands when i was in elementary school when i got excited? potentially hyperactive adhd #that weird thing i did where i had to get 'the last touch' on smth after somebody else touched it #or i had a weird feeling in my stomach for half an hr after? potentially ocd #and even then so many of the symptoms for childhood autism were there too and i'm sure they overlapped with adhd #it's just an experience looking back and being like hey i wasn't just a weirdo there's like....... an explanation for this #i have solidarity with like people who are also affected by this #i have a community and an identity now that's not just 'weird kid who flapped their hands in sixth grade'#i want to see if i can get diagnosed so badly but the fear of being wrong is there #i have such a problem with being a fraud in everything i do ahdsgjhgags #i also used to have to rewrite every number in math class or doing homework until it looked and felt perfect #and i used to do that thing where i'd bite myself to punish myself or press my fingernails into my forehead #when i didn't get an answer right or i thought i was too stupid to do my work #so yeah working through some baggage i didn't know i had OwO

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