#i have to do this until 10 am tomorrow but its 1 am and im so sleepy

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[borathae]

Chapter 10

ALSO HOW DID SHE GET BACK LATER?? wasnt she waking out of the uni? how did she end up in bed?? doesnt she have any classes on tuesday or wednesday? cuz then she would have realized somethings wrong

hold on i checked, she didnt have any classes on tuesday and was in library studying, so she is doing the same thing on wed too. and uni/colleges doesnt call you if you didnt attend until its not enough to apply for exam. holy shit she is only going to realize it until she goes to her class and finds out the said class was yesterday and today is tomorrow

GO AWAY (JIMIN) ANNA ofc joon stood up cuz it was yesterday and not today

THE MOVIE RAIN SCENE YEEHAW He is drenched, hair sticking against his forehead and shirt clinging to his body. IM GONNA DIE IM SIMPING TOO HARD AAAH

ok apology accepted i guess

“force of habit perhaps."  that hurt

keekek they are running home in the rain THEY ARE RUNNING HOME IN THE RAIN AAH JAOLXGWUIS giggles

STOP THEY ARE SO FUCKING CUTE WITH ALL THE SPLASHING AAAH I CANT PLEASE WHY AM I SINGLE AF 😭😭

If he keeps kissing you like this, you can’t guarantee that you won’t jump his bones right here and now. You twist his tie, needing him closer. TWISTING THE TIE AAAH PULL THE TIE FUCK

ALLOW ME TO FUCK YOU HOLY MOLY NOBODY SAYS THAT AND THATS SAD AS FUCK but it also makes it extra hot when tae says it

30 BUCKS FOR AN UNDERWEAR WTF YALL IT BETTER HAVE GOLD LACE OR SOMETHING i can get a dozen of normal underwear for less than 30 riyals???

FUCK THE TURN FROM ALL THE SWEET TALK- DIRTY TALK TO DESPERATE AS FUCK aaah my skin's hot??? oof

shit she is soo ruined, You are pretty sure you just gave birth. SHE GAVE BIRTH TO KTH 1 CONGRATULATIONS

Allow me to find my release on your chest”, THIS IS SOO FUNNY AND HOT AT THE SAME TIME

LICKING HER CLEAN FUCK IS THIS THE HOTTEST SMUT I READ OF YOURS??? (me with all your smut fuck)

“Vampires?” Taehyung gasps and inhales so harshly that he chokes on his spit, “my” – cough – "darling" – cough – "why would" – cough – "you think that?” - cough. ha caught u in 4k

SAYING JOON was in her dream caught his attention ALSO RM??

NOT YOU TO TAE NOOOOAUR AARGH *im this close to jumping off a cliff

oh my god idk what to do AAAH IM PULLING MY HAIR OUT

ALSO HOW DID SHE GET BACK LATER?? wasnt she waking out of the uni? how did she end up in bed?? doesnt she have any classes on tuesday or wednesday? cuz then she would have realized somethings wrong. hold on i checked, she didnt have any classes on tuesday and was in library studying, so she is doing the same thing on wed too. and uni/colleges doesnt call you if you didnt attend until its not enough to apply for exam. holy shit she is only going to realize it until she goes to her class and finds out the said class was yesterday and today is tomorrow

THE CONFUSION IS GROWING LIKE WHAT DID JOON DO TO HER?? WHAT ARE THEY ALL DOING TO HER?? HELP HER

THE MOVIE RAIN SCENE YEEHAW He is drenched, hair sticking against his forehead and shirt clinging to his body. IM GONNA DIE IM SIMPING TOO HARD AAAH

relatable. valid. me.

ok apology accepted i guess

hahah me when wet!Tae JFAJSDF

“force of habit perhaps."  that hurt

the pain </3

keekek they are running home in the rain THEY ARE RUNNING HOME IN THE RAIN AAH JAOLXGWUIS giggles

HAHAHHA ME

STOP THEY ARE SO FUCKING CUTE WITH ALL THE SPLASHING AAAH I CANT PLEASE WHY AM I SINGLE AF 😭😭

me fr (I was at a street festival yesterday and the men there reminded me why I'm single. imma stick with my delulu fictional men tbfh)

If he keeps kissing you like this, you can’t guarantee that you won’t jump his bones right here and now. You twist his tie, needing him closer. TWISTING THE TIE AAAH PULL THE TIE FUCK

LIKE I NEED HER TO PULL HIM AROUND BY HIS TIE

ALLOW ME TO FUCK YOU HOLY MOLY NOBODY SAYS THAT AND THATS SAD AS FUCK but it also makes it extra hot when tae says it

like he is the king of consent AND I NEED HIM

30 BUCKS FOR AN UNDERWEAR WTF YALL IT BETTER HAVE GOLD LACE OR SOMETHING i can get a dozen of normal underwear for less than 30 riyals???

lmoaoao me fr JFADJ

FUCK THE TURN FROM ALL THE SWEET TALK- DIRTY TALK TO DESPERATE AS FUCK aaah my skin's hot??? oof

barking at him out of my vagina tbfh

shit she is soo ruined, You are pretty sure you just gave birth. SHE GAVE BIRTH TO KTH 1 CONGRATULATIONS

I forgot I wrote this BAHAHAH 😶 help why is she so unserious? jfasjdf

Allow me to find my release on your chest”, THIS IS SOO FUNNY AND HOT AT THE SAME TIME

HFAHDSHF I need him so bad

LICKING HER CLEAN FUCK IS THIS THE HOTTEST SMUT I READ OF YOURS??? (me with all your smut fuck)

LIKE BESTIE I ALSO FORGOT I WROTE THIS LIKE BARKING AT HIM

“Vampires?” Taehyung gasps and inhales so harshly that he chokes on his spit, “my” – cough – "darling" – cough – "why would" – cough – "you think that?” - cough. ha caught u in 4k

hfhadshf he is panicking hard

SAYING JOON was in her dream caught his attention ALSO RM??

jfajsdfj they are NOT subtle with it AFHSDFH

NOT YOU TO TAE NOOOOAUR AARGH *im this close to jumping off a cliff

LIKE STOP GASLIGHTING HER!!!!

[soo0mi]

🫂 ｡ﾟ⊹ you’ve built a home in my heart — 10. drunk confessions

:: u got up at 2 am to get some snacks at the convenience store down the street. for your inconvenience, you quietly opened the door to meet a peculiar sight, someone trying to sleep on the floor across the hallway because their roommate has their gf over .. ?

warnings ⚠️ none

word count ‼️1,043 / 1k wrds !!

yunjins apartment, 09:47 pm

the rest of the day was boring. from seven am till now, nothing eventful as happened, hyunjin wasnt even home so you decided to visit yunjin. honestly, you forgot about drinking till you saw rikis twt

“oh” how thoughtful it was for him to remind you,

10:06 pm — drinking w yunjin

“yunjiiinnnn, this isnt faiirr!!” you sulk, face is hot and sweaty from the soju. “that shouldve been meeee..”

“ynnn, what if shes his sister or something??” yunjin pats your hair, “its okay baby, we’ll ask him tomorrow”

“but i wanna talk to him now, we havent talked since yesterday” you can’t believe youre acting so soft for a Man..

“no ml, uve already had too much to drink” she snatched your phone out of your hands, and damn you wish you hadnt been so stubborn that night

quickly, you took your phone back from her grasps and opened imessage,,

🔍 search : my loser baby 🙈🙈 🎙️

riki didnt even realize he dropped everything he was doing just to come and take care of you,

“im so doomed..”

1:38 am

ding dong, the doorbell rang and yunjin went running to it

“thank god youre here, just go straight n take a right and she should be over there”

“alright, thank you.” he bowed as a sign of respect, “im riki, btw” reaching his hand out to the brown haired girl in front of him

“yunjin” they shake hands

whys he so sweaty… - yunjin

“ugh hes so pretty its so annoying.” you yelled from the room you were in, not realizing you were shouting “i cant keep pretending like i dont wanna kiss his plump ass lips when i see him..” you cried out, tears falling down your cheeks

“youre so dramatic, yn!” yunjin made sure u heard her, “why are you crying!?”

whos she talking abt ..? — riki

suddenly, you felt a hand lift your chin up, forcing you look up to riki with teary eyes. the sight tugged his heart strings, he cant bear to look at you like this. he took a seat beside u, and with a gentle touch, he reached out and wiped away the tears from your cheeks, his fingers lingering for a moment longer than usual, a flicker of romantic tension between you two

“stop crying, u look so ugly”

“…”

“why were u crying anyways”

“cause i fuckign hate you”

“wtf did i do”

“i hate you so much, u do all of this just to get my hopes up” you punch his chest

“what..?” rikis heart skipped a beat

“i dont even know how i liked you in the first place, youre such an ass to me.” what a blatant lie you just told, even he treated you better than most of your exes

“…”

“you make me jealous even though you arent mine,,”

“yn, youre drunk go home” yunjin cuts you off but was too late to save you from the embarrassment in the morning.

rikis car, 2:22 am

riki watched as you stumbled out of yunjins apartment, steps unsteady and words slurred. concerned, he approached you with caution

“yn, are you alright?” riki asked

you looked up at him, eyes glassy and cheeks flushed. you giggled, swaying slightly as you tried to maintain your balance

“riki!” you exclaimed, voice overly enthusiastic. “i have something important to tell you!” the anger from earlier left your body

“yn, maybe its best if we wait until youre sober,” riki suggested gently, his voice filled with concern and nervousness

you pouted, your expression morphing from excitement to disappointment. you leaned closer to him, he can smell the alcohol from your breath

“why do u have to be so cute..” — riki

he sighed as his heartbeat raised, “lets get you home, and we can talk about this when you’re feeling better, alr?”

you nodded, eyes still filled with a mix of nothing and everything at the same time. riki guided you gently, supporting you as you walked into his car. the silence between you two felt heavy with tension, both aware of the awkwardness that hung in the air

your apartment, 2:48am

upon reaching your doorstep, riki helped u unlock the door. you stepped inside, and flopped down on the couch, head spinning from the alcohol

“hyunjin??” riki looked around the apartment for him, looking for someone to take care of you when he leaves, but he wasnt there “ig ill do it..” his ears turned red

riki gently led u to the bathroom to help u freshen up. with a warm washcloth, he began wiping away the remnants of the night, gently dabbing at your flushed cheeks and smoothing ur disheveled hair (niki husband material era😍)

with u cleaned up, he led u to the bedroom. he helped you settle under the covers, making sure you were comfortable. as he turned to leave, your hand shot out, gripping his tightly

“dont go,” you pleaded, voice vulnerable. “stay..”

riki paused, his heart fluttered at your touch and your words. he could sense the sincerity in your plea but he also knew you were drunk. like yunjin said, u werent able to think on your own yet

“i dont want to take advantage of you, yn” riki replied, his voice filled w concern. “youve had a lot to drink, ill be back in the morning dw”

your grip on his hand tightened, your eyes pleading him not to leave

“i know im drunk, riki,” she admitted, her voice tinged with vulnerability. “i have known ever since you washed my face. i dont want you to go, i need you here with me, please”

riki looked into your eyes, searching for sincerity and clarity amidst the haze of alcohol. in exchange, he saw the raw honesty and the fear of losing his presence.

“alr then,” riki conceded softly. “ill stay with you but we need to promise each other that we’ll talk abt this conversation when ure fully sober”

you nodded, relief washing over your features

as your breathing steadied, riki stayed by your side, hands intertwined. he watched over you, his presence offering solace in the midst of your vulnerability

“goodnight, yn” he whispered gently as he thought about everything

did u guys miss me 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🩷🤍🩷

☆ prev || m.list || next — ♡

taglist (open) !! @aernx @namelesssuser @alicesolengg @woon2u @dearyjw @beomgyusonlywife @maybemiko @yourmyst4r @j-wyoung @yumilovesloona @astrae4

[faeriemarie]

how i tried to manifest a 1600 on the SAT and failed miserably 🤪

9/30/2023

Starting today, I will vaunt as the first thing I do every morning and the last thing I do before I go to bed at night.

10/4/2023

Today, I am taking my first practice SAT. It is Wednesday and it is my first day of studying. The SAT is on Saturday. I am listening to an SAT subliminal while I complete the 3 hour test. UPDATE: I got a 1280 on the practice test.

10/5/2023

Today, I am taking my second practice SAT. It is Thursday and it is my second day of studying. I am listening to a different SAT subliminal while I complete the 3 hour test. I am not feeling confident in the least, but we press on! UPDATE: I got a 1330 on the practice test and I only got 1 wrong on the reading section :)) most of my math mistakes were just silly and that's somehow worse than me not knowing the content. i still feel inadequate.

10/6/2023

Today I am only taking the math section. It is Friday and it is my 3rd day of studying. I listened to the same subliminal while I did this test. UPDATE: I got a 680 on the math section which is literally the highest it has ever been!!

10/7/2023

Today it is Saturday and the SAT is today in 25 minutes. Last night, I listened to my subliminal out loud all night (~7.5 hours). I also did a little prayer at my altar for Hera to help me since she is my deity of choice <3. And possibly a sign, I saw a rainbow driving to the test center and it was the brightest and most vivid rainbow I’ve ever seen in my entire life. I plan to keep up my vaunting until the scores come out so until then, wish me luck!! UPDATE: i think i did really bad. The reading section (which is normally my best section) was SUPER hard and I just filled in random bubbles at the end. I feel like an actual failure and my reading score probably will be in the 500s. The math section was easy and actually felt too easy. I don’t even know what to think. I probably just need to put it out of my mind and let life take its course…

10/18/2023

There are less than 48 hours until SAT scores come out… i am shitting my pants. i’ve been vaunting every morning and night but still like…. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck i’m getting rejected from everywhere i apply for sure

10/19/2023

ahhh fuck fuck fuck 30-ish hours until the big reveal. im so nervous. my stomach is churning, i don’t even want to wake up tomorrow morning. let me just stay on thursday night forever and ever and ever. i can’t take it.

10/20/2023

12 hours, give or take… 3 hours, give or take… okay time for the BIG REVEAL: i actually got a 1300. math score went down but my reading score went up. at this point, i'm gonna have to superscore (even though that is far from being enough). my shifting break cannot end fast enough. i'm so miserable. i hate it here so much. i wanted this to be an inspirational post about how i'm such a master manifestor, but i'm a failure. i hate my life. i hate myself. i hate everything.

[pretty-chaotic-world]

if my BPD can scream

1. I wish i could have a normal love... but no, my brain wants to worship every little detail of you until it drives me insane

2. sorry i pushed you away i felt abandoned and suicidal 

3. I’m sick of going to bed and knowing things won’t be better tomorrow 

4. I'll ask you thousands times if you really love, please don't get annoyed

5. I'll create "drama" and mishaps only to feel like I'm in home

6. i’m afraid that one day my anger will overshadow the little love i still have left for the world

7. I feel numb. No tears, no anger, nothing. Just going through the same day again and again. I would rather just sleep without waking up.

8. I'm so tired of everytime one small argument or inconvenience breaks out I want to end it and self destruct, it's so draining. 

9. I want to stop feeling anything and when i actually don't it breaks my heart but I can't cry it out.

10. "its all in your head" well duh where tf else is it gonna be??? in my fucking kidneys????

11. I am constantly between wanting people to care about me and wanting them not to so I can hurt myself without feeling guilty 

12. Psychiatrist told me there is no cure for bpd and I've to change myself. Well why cant they just let me die then?

13. Until you live with bpd you'll never know what it's like to be too much and not enough at the same time.

14. i know im constantly too much for everyone but sometimes i just want to be enough for someone

15. if he will leave me, my next diagnosis will be of "sociopath"

16. im so jealous of all the people who see him and touch him and talk to him every single day it should be me me me me 

17. oh I got my hair coloured. why? because I can't hurt myself anymore 

18. "you're so distant" because you can't handle my abandonment issues.

19. My younger self disappoint me a lot. like why were you begging people to stay in your life? ohh no worries I know the answer

20. I wanna throw a plate against the wall, stab a knife through my hand, destroy my laptop with a hammer, smash my door in with an axe and spray graffiti all over the walls of my room 

21. Why shouldn’t I be mad? Why can’t I just be angry and be allowed to feel it? Why can’t I burn everything down?

22. I have to watch my mouth every fucking second to make sure I don't destroy every relation I have coz apparently social life matters!!

23. Isnt it fucked up how he got away with every horrible thing he made me experience and I’m the one who has to live with myself feeling absolutely fucking worthless 

24. I don't deserve food and love. im a horrible person.

25. this is how my eating cycle goes

feeling weak coz i haven't ate anything -> eat -> purge -> feeling guilty after purging -> eat more -> feeling guilty after eating so much -> cry coz you don't know what's happening

26. the diagnosis makes me believe I'm not insane just lil emo ig!! NOOOO YOU'RE INSANE

27. “don’t let it bother u” baby i’m gonna be bothered by this for the next 10 years 

28. if I tell you I love you its equivalent to I can kill someone for you

29. Actually upon further inspection that shit really hurt my feelings 

30. I don't dive into insecurity anymore, i drown in self-loathe

31. i shut up in between group convo coz I know I'll talk invaluable shit and nobody really cares what I say until it's psychology class

32. "if you are fully aware of yourself, why do you keep acting like that?" slapping self awareness on top of bpd only grants the ability to watch yourself self-destruct straight from the vip section thats all it does literally

33. “Where do you see yourself in the future” building a cult for mentally ill people 

34. ofc I've a praise kind i was ignored as a child

35. I'm much better than I was before. you know why coz I don't to air now and don't see monsters walking by side all the time

36. No I don't want to self harm anymore I need to kill that fucking monster

37. Don't mind me, I'm just casually sabotaging all my positive relationships with negative delusions because my life doesn't feel real unless something dramatic and destructive is constantly occurring 

38. i don’t care i don’t care i don’t care (im going to sob my fucking eyes out)

39. “Stop making your disorder your personality” I have a fucking personality disorder for god sake

40. turning my mental illnesses into kinks and calling it the BDSM-5 

41. "destroy something precious while you're in rage" ohh yeaa and then I'll do that again and again 

42. what I hate most about my BPD is the fact that I have started doubting every emotion that I’ve ever felt in my life, whether it’s love, my grief through multiple traumas, or my anger, & it’s so saddening. It has actually led me to start questioning my reality.

43. if I need medication to stay alive, am I really meant to be here?

44. it's either be alone without 75% of my symptoms, or be with someone and display the most horrendous unstable awful version of myself. why do i have to choose between love & happiness or peace & stability?

45. That fucking bpd rage where everyone's voices makes you want to scream and every noise around you makes you want to sh and you're so mad you can almost feel the cuts everywhere 

46. getting worked up to the point of becoming physically ill (throwing up/stomach issues etc) because you felt rejected/abandoned by your favourite person  

47. i wish my trauma made me kind as everyone says but i’m becoming what i fear the most- a monster.

48. imagine getting diagnosed with a personality disorder and the only visible representation of that disorder is an animated horse man, a sociopathic sitcom character from philadelphia, and darth vader

[a-wilson-collector]

I LIVED BITCH

(cw: noncon/rape, guns, disregard for gun safety, family abuse, forced isolation, medical neglect)

wanted to save this post for until i got to a safe place, but now that i am, i can give y'all a reason why i didn't post much if at all.

its mostly because of my family.

on a scale from 1-10 (10 being the worst, 1 being the best) my mom and dad are 10, most of my dad's side of the family is like, 9.5 outside of grandma n pa. they are like an 8 or 7 depending on how pissy/petty i feel about them. my brother is like, 4. and my sister is the only one whose normal about everything so she's a 1.

the reason my mom n dad are so highly rated is because my mom would lowkey ghost me for the entire summer when school stopped, and my dad is, well, according to mom- "he never takes no as an answer."

makes me think about why i always gravitated towards noncon fanfics for wilson/maxwell. Im still working on that.

grandma n pa are 8 because my grandma defends my dad (and pretty much any violent male member of the family) and my grandpa WAVED A FUCKING LOADED GUN IN MY FACE on the day of the move. if his hand was NOT on the trigger, he could've shot me in any part of my body including my head

my brother is a 4 because he hasn't apologized for beating the shit out of me almost every day until i was 16, but he's gotten a lot better at controlling his anger.

my sister was the only one who realized that the only way she was going to stay in my life was being cautious, but also realizing why i wanted out so bad, since she went through most of this herself.

outside of that, i hid most of my art from my family because i could NOT handle the disappointment that my family would show if that their "adorable daughter" drew a guy ripping his face off, or drawing porn (tho that wasnt until years later, obviously.) thats why most of my art is violent or violent in nature. its what i grew up in. constant fights all the time. cps was called a few times but they didnt do anything outside of adding to the trauma pile

im tired and finally in a safe environment where i wont be threatened to be shipped off my dad's place, which, if that was to happen... I'd lose all of my support network, including doctors and psychiatrists. I'd be completely shut off from the outside world, including my boyfriend and friends on discord. in his mind, the internet is the reason i have such high needs, instead of, y'know, THE 'TISM.

as for my past, i have gone by "noonfish" or some variation of that on tumblr, but that was while i was stuck somewhere in the alt-right rabbit hole on yt since most of my family loves trump, which is why i nuked all of them. I am deeply ashamed of my past and i'm still working on it, i know i can be better tomorrow than i was today. If i had a nickel for every time my grandma defended a rapist, I'd have three nickels, which isnt a lot but its weird it happened with three people.

i understand if people also stop following for my previous "ties" to the alt right (i was pretty surface level, mainly memes), however i was like, what, 16? and extremely isolated to boot. Thank fuck i got anti-psychotics. i was losing my mind for YEARS due to undiagnosed schizo-affective disorder, which was in play since i was 8. I still remember the time i missed my bus going home from school in elementary school, and when my mom had me in the car, she drove into a parking space and proceeded to yell at me to stop telling the teachers because "i was scaring them" because i kept seeing shadow people in the hallways. all the doctors just assumed I was being racist or something? im not sure about that but the only thing that came out of that was me getting glasses (which, tbh i did in fact, need)

after that, it went lowkey until middle/high school, where it resurfaced again and will continue until i fucking die, so thats fun. if I didn't have schizo-affective disorder, i probably still would've fallen for the alt-right pipeline on yt when i was a child (because of unsupervised access to the internet), but at least i'd be able to make a coherent statement about it. i still hate all those people that helped make my mental illness worse to the point i thought only ohio existed for like, 6 months. shit was awful.

so yeah, thats why i've been so on n off. hope to get some art soon since its about time i should do a full render. maybe it will be two girls kissing.

[serendipitous-girl]

okay so my plan for today was kinda off and i dont appreciate that but it was also because the rain and humitidity which i didnt plan for

so heres to tomorrow (its hair washy day tmrw and i night as well shower too)

ill wake up (actually get up) at a decent time bc i usually wake up around 8-10 and get up at 1-3...

(waking up at 08:00-10:00 getting up at 13:00 to 15:00)

do everything id need to do upstairs before heading downstairs (thats when my day actually starts)

eat watermelon

i dont wanna plan to workout at a certain time even tho ik ill attempt to but thats actually gonna throw me off and i might not do it so im gonna do that when i feel like it as much as i wish it was part of the plan.

id hope to shower after i lift because that makes sense but the times i usually feel good enough to workout vs the times i shower are complete opposites (if i had it my way id shower before heading downstairs)

i have to keep in mind my mom has work tmrw i think shes done at 1 so i need to get stuff done before then (ik i wont tho) because i reckon shes gonna tell me to get the clothes from the dryer and fold

we're gonna go with me showering after i lift so i do that get my hair situated change to the outfit i actually want (i will not be happy with my fit before then) and go downstairs again

i suppose at that time ill have to eat so now i have to do that

oh shit i didnt drink water these past few days i js remembered okay after i eat ill have water probably

after that im going upstairs and im not gonna interact with anyone for the rest of the day(excludes discord, and tumblr, and most likely snapchat)

id have to go to bed at some point round 23:00 (11pm) so id brush my teeth use the bathroom and get my laptop out

in this specific order i will:

get comfortable-ish and open my laptop n sign in

connect my airpods and put the LEFT one in

open the google acc i use for tumblr spotify and discord

make three new tabs

the first tab ill put in tumblr to the google search bar

the second tab ill open spotify

the third tab will be discord

ill sign into spotify then discord

then ill sign into tumblr

put on my music

if i feel like using c ai ill open that one too but AFTER i check my activity for tumblr

at this point i might choose to open kick and ill see if sapnap is live or smth

if he is ill stay on his tab for a bit and pause my music before i send u asks

I JUST REALIZED I HAVENT REACHED OUT TO MY MOOTS ON TUMBLR IN A WHILE-

after i get bored ill keep his tab open but do other things

if he's not live (which is the more likely one lately) ill stay between my tabs

at some point i like to open youtube and close out all of my other tabs and i do that until i want to try and sleep

hehe after im done doin wtv i close out everything and clear my activity (my mom does not know about tumblr kick twitch or c ai.)

i close my laptop plug my airpods into the first charger slot on my laptop then its actual charger on the second

plug in my airpods to that charger and put them in and put my laptop on my desk in the same position its always in and i try to sleep

i think i have a problem

but its so satifsying to type it out im sorry

love you!!

preppy i am okay with being your planner lol

Love you too :D

[mwahmichelle]

4.10.23

Dear Diary ❤︎

today was so nice, right until the end ✨

the morning was pretty chill. i went grocery shopping with my father and sister at 8 am, then had lessons till 3 pm. during one of my classes, i put the last of my gisou oil in my hair, and applied a clay face mask :) i love taking care of myself 🫶🏼

we did a lot of packing in the early afternoon. not much else happened until later on, when we went to the mall!!

first, we went to ladurée for some macarons. i had a bite of one of my mothers, but left mine for tomorrow))

next up was sephora!! the two things that i needed, i couldn’t get 😭 the drunk elephant babyfacial, and the tatcha cleansing oil 💔💔 my cleanser is finishing and they dont sell it in my city. what am i to do??? (im being dramatic, i have three other cleansers back home, and got one more today 💀) (mini haul below 🎀)

we also went to victoria’s secret 😽 i measured my bra size for the first time since i was 13 and it turns out im a 34C?!? im still in shock tbh. i got bra/undie set, a pj set, and a matching robe🫶🏼

we finished off the evening with a trip to the cinema. we watched The Creator and omg???? absolutely devastating. i have only good things to say about that movie. i rarely say that anything is a 10/10, but this… it definitely deserves it. honestly it was amazing i cried so much 😭

haul time!!

sephora:

- gisou hair oil, my love

- glow recipe serum cus i felt it caling to me 🤭

- the tatcha set to make up for the aforementioned cleanser

- dior hand cream (wanted chanel, but they were kinda rude so nvm)

- dior mascara. my sister wanted it but changed her mind, so i took it 😋

- the gucci lipstick i am so excited about. the case is so so so cute, and the colour is stunning on me 😻 (the lady at the gucci section gave me a gift 🥺💕)

victoria’s secret:

undie and bra not pictured cus 🤨🤨

excuse my awful photography, i was too lazy to take good photos (same with the ones above lmao)

the pjs match the robe!!! i had the same set when i was 13, im getting deja vu 🥺 i got an m cus old habits die hard 😭 oversize for the win ig 😵‍💫

that was my day todayyyy 😽😽 i had so much fun writing this all out and adding photos, tho i wish i had my real diary with me :( who knows, maybe ill keep doing it here ✨

its 1:30, so im off to bed

goodnight xoxo

[ronnoxandlumoss]

I posted 457 times in 2022

That's 457 more posts than 2021!

40 posts created (9%)

417 posts reblogged (91%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@yehsahihai

@thewinchestergirl1208

@voidsteffy

@sulthaaan

@geeko-sapiens

I tagged 54 of my posts in 2022

#desiblr - 19 posts

#desi tumblr - 12 posts

#desi tag - 12 posts

#bheems little meow meow - 10 posts

#rambheem - 9 posts

#desi - 9 posts

#rambheem fanfic - 4 posts

#desi lgbtq - 4 posts

#desi stuff - 4 posts

#rrr - 3 posts

Longest Tag: 83 characters

#i dont know why but i think petting ram would be bheems chosen form of self comfort

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Krishna simps I need yall to tell me what you guys do for him on janamashtami because I wanna be extra tomorrow

54 notes - Posted August 17, 2022

#4

Ram is a cat/tiger

Change my mind, you cant

-the wtf you're so dumb look he gives Bheem when bheem is being all innocent and clueless about Jenny

-the sheer slyness of that tyre puncture, the way he was so proud of himself like the cat who knocked over the cup of water

-the way he preens when bheem compliments (*cough* worships *cough*) him

-the way my guy roars in the interval fight scene (which yes, was dominated by bheem, is bheem's, bheem owns it. If it wasn't about Malli, bheem would have won. But that's the thing about their relationship! They challenge each other perfectly at each others levels with their different strengths and opposite personalities, while understanding each other's depth and temperament in a way no one else can)

- He is sheer chaos for the whole time that he's awake

- looks adorable sleeping

-will sleep anywhere (see: on top of books)

-graceful bastard

-overall cat okay?

-He really is bheem's little meow meow

71 notes - Posted May 28, 2022

#3

Y'all ever look around at yourself and then the people who chose you and realise, 'holy shit, why did these angelic people pick me, a human embodiment of a sour inflated binbag?'

76 notes - Posted July 10, 2022

#2

Okay so I'm kind of young, right?

I grew up listening to "Mai Agar kahoon," and I've watched Om Shaanti Om but I don't remember it at all. It came out when I was 4.

I don't know why I haven't re watched the movie ever.

But I just had a talk with mom and apparently Mai Agar Kahoon is a romance song????

I always thought it was a double meaning manipulation song disguised as a romance song and the story must be that the guy is in some way betraying/lying to/manipulating the girl he is singing this to. But nope, mom says it's just a romance song.

But listen to the way its sung!

"Taareef ye bhi to, sach hai, kuch bhi nahi" (Even all praise for you, it's true, is not enough/is nothing)

But the way its sung, it sounds like

"Taareef ye bhi to, sach hai kuch bhi nahi" (even with all this praise for you, nothing from what I'm saying is true)

And then the general vibe and the beginning melody of the song has always sounded more intense, tense and ominous to me than romantic

Anyone? Am I being weird or do you see it?

I have thought it was a manipulative song since I was a kid, help???

78 notes - Posted August 9, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I JUST LEARNED THAT GAY MEN ARE CALLED MEETHA IN HINDI AND GAY GIRLS ARE CALLED KHATTI AND I JUST THINK THATS REALLY BEAUTIFUL OKAY?!

Like I think it's meant to be an insult but I'm claiming it

IM KHATTI AND YOU CAN SUCK ON THAT UNTIL YOUR FACE SCRUNCHES UP FROM THE SOUR

581 notes - Posted June 9, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[ghostfishk]

i hate it here. i don’t know if i can handle spending the night with them both anymore. i feel like a nuisance. a third wheel. just something getting in the way.

a spider appeared in my car. i physically cannot move when there’s a spider. i completely freeze up. and if i try to do anything else i will have a full panic attack/meltdown. i. cannot. do. spiders. and she got so pissed at me. i had nothing to smush it. it didn’t go a way that i could hit it out the window. i physically couldn’t do anything. and it made its way over to her side and they also couldn’t do anything. so after a while of absolute silence and tension they finally told me to just go. okay. cool. so what’s the plan with the 2 drink carriers and 2 bags of food? now i was definitely kinda rushed in saying that, and came across pushy and maybe even a little shitty but i just had a really rough shift and there’s a fucking spider in my car that’s supposed to be my only safe space right now, but she got mad at me for asking and i could see once we actually got going that she was texting our other friend, probably ranting about the whole situation which is valid, like it was really wonky but it also makes me feel like shit and i don’t know what to do about it.

they keep correcting me on my own existence. they say i am asleep the whole time. from 1-4 i slept maybe 2 hours if. and when i was out. i was generally out, but most of it was me with my headphones trying not to have a meltdown and just fucking ignoring them because they do not fucking understand that i just don’t care. they might be able to function off of 3 hours of sleep but if i even try, with the shit i do in a day, i will have a meltdown and die. i can barely function on a normal 7-8 hour 12-8am sleep i realistically probably need to sleep 10+ hours with the amount of stuff i do in a shift but if i did i simply wouldn’t have a life.

i talk about how i push all shift, and it feels like she tries to show me up by saying how many racks she pushed. which yes. it sucks how much you had to do but i also did a lot and it doesn’t feel good when i try to rant about work and you IMMIDIATLY hit me with how bad your shift was, or how thats “normal” to you or you’ve had worse. like i love you but genuinely shut the fuck up i cannot handle it much longer.

today was good work wise, productive, not overwhelming as much as it’s been. good people? talked to him quite a bit, starting to build a genuine connection, and humor between the two of us, along with mentioning some things about trans existence. nothing major, just mentioning that i’ve only been going by K- for about a year. he made a joke i should go as a ghost for halloween, and i made a joke that with normal friends would be funny but i don’t know if it actually landed with him.

tomorrow i get to meet kittens when i go play d&d and im so excited. they are what’s keeping me going this week. i’m so excited to leave work early, same time as him. and i’m so excited to go and see cats. and to sleep in my own bed after, and then not work until 3 the day after but it’s also the easy job. i cannot wait until 845pm so i can be over this week and start next week maybe a little bit more normal

hopefully my ipad doesn’t die before i can fall asleep

because i will have a meltdown if i cannot music. they will not be quiet. they’re talking about some comic con ripoff.

9/7/24

[keefwho]

August 28 - 2024 Wednesday

10:16pm

6/10

Today has been day 1 of 2 that I am spending entirely in VRchat alone. That includes no social media or messaging. It went a lot faster than I thought.

When I woke up I had planned to do my workout and stuff but I was so tired, I slept in for another hour under the condition I would do my chores afterwards. I think the only reason I actually did this is because I knew I had no real schedule today so I couldn't be late for anything. After my sleep in I did do my workout and I cleaned my windows/curtains which really needed it. I took my shower and made tuna macaroni for breakfast. I dont know what it is but the tuna macaroni lately has been kinda nasty. I think I got some bad cans because the texture is not like it was before. Its a bit unappetizing. And maybe this really does belong as spaghetti as opposed to macaroni noodles or shells. After breakfast I finally got in VR until lunch.

First a played some of that fruit combination game to loosen up and then I focused on exploring and ruminating in old old worlds from my past. Cafe Le Blanc was my first choice and it was a good start. I did a couple others before focusing on my own worlds which is where it really started getting good. I was doing all this with the intention of summoning as many memories as I could along the way and sort of putting myself back in the past. I successfully did that and had some good thoughts along the way. First I remembered that quote I heard once. Something like "you can visit the past but no one is there." What I got from that is you can be in the past all you want but its true, no one is there and they cannot be. My memories are a lonely place which helps me stay more in the moment where people currently are. Not to say the past should be forgotten. I just have a bad habit of living in it thinking it's more relevant than it is. I was thinking a lot about TDS and RS and PZ and all the memories I had with others in that group. I remembered the good times but also the bad. I cannot forget that most of my time spent with them was full of resentment because I didn't belong, I was only fitting in. It showed in all the content I made for them and the friends associated. I remember almost all of it being a drag, taking a long time because I'd burn myself out on it. All because I wanted their approval and friendship. I had to earn it I felt.

In the Shygal Emporium while looking at all the outfits I'd made, I realized how expressive I was with that avatar. The outfits weren't meant to serve others when I made them. They were all ways for me to express myself and my own interests. And I got creative. It made me wonder where along the way I lost that because I'm not so in touch with it anymore. Perhaps at some point long ago I was a little better at being myself than I thought. Maybe better than I am now. I just wasn't aware of it like I am now. And on the topic of expression, visiting all my worlds in detail made me see how expressive I still am despite not feeling like it sometimes. I've made a lot of well crafted and creative things. I believe DS when she says she always looks forward to seeing my worlds. Not that I didn't before, but it hit me harder today.

I started taking some pretty good pictures. I can see why some people like photography. Maybe it was the amount I started paying attention in general but I would see a composition and want to capture it, also with myself in it. Im gonna have a whole small gallery to share after tomorrow.

I thought I'd feel lonely today but it was the opposite. The more I got to sit with myself and remember the things I've done, the more I started to feel connected with people that aren't here right now. Then I remembered the entire statement of my Tower of Worth world. The whole point of that was to symbolize that you had to earn your own self worth in order to connect with others. After I made that climb again and hung up there for awhile, I understood again. Thats part of what this little experiment is about too, to connect a little bit more with myself in a way that fits who I am.

I was originally afraid to try this VR thing and I had to figure out why. I know in my pain I find my values, in this case I fear because I have something to lose. I think I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to do it, and I want to be able to be alone like this. I want to be able to tell someone I'm going on a small self seeking journey and actually do it. I was also a little disappointed at missing out on a potential evening with DS but again, I know I want to be someone who is okay with that. I want to exhibit that kind of strength and trust. So decided to take the plunge and do it, it is only 2 days after all. It feels better that it's of my own volition too as opposed to being forced to be alone like when the power was out.

Overall so far I have benefitted from the alone time. It made me think that maybe I need more me time on a day to day basis. I have plenty of opportunities for it but I usually don't treat it like I should. I often stress about when I'll get to see someone again and wait for them or I'll feel some other kind of pressure about getting things done. I didn't have any of that today and it feels like I've replenished something necessary. Even when I worked on that commission for an hour, I was weirdly in the zone.

[seonghw4ffles]

request fest <3

welcome to rynn's request fest!! all of these are the stuff i ENJOY writing,,, so ill be super happy to write any of these below!! you don't have to choose from these though, you can most definitely request ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING!!💗💗 but if thats so,,, here are the notices!! :

⊹ REQUESTS : OPEN

⊹ i am a minor, so i couldn't write smut or anything too over the line!!

⊹ ateez, tomorrow x together, stray kids, jujutsu kaisen, windbreaker

⊹ i write fem and gn reader <3

⊹ pretty tight schedule so bare w me guys!!

okay so now THATS out of the way,, tell me which of these you want!! you can choose multiple, if not all :

fluff / angst / comfort

THANKS!! now here are the prompts <33 please feel free to choose multiple of each,, add your own stuff that isnt listed,, as many / little as you want and from absolutely ANYTHING!! [for example, im so down to do medieval magicians, so just choose ANYTHING man]

BASE

ehh just to be sure,, you can skip this and only choose tropes tho

1. friends to lovers 2. enemies to lovers 3. strangers to lovers

TROPES

okay THIS is what is required

1. star crossed lovers 2. soulmates 3. unrequited love 4. forced proximity 5. childhood pact, sweethearts 6. second chance 7. a bet 8. fake relationship 9. two antagonists 10. juvenile fiction 11. grumpy x sunshine 12. workaholic and comfort

EXTRA

you can skip this since its so wide, and/or make up your own

1. runaway fiance for you/him 2.roommates, dormmates 3. cinderella situation 4. one bed [fluff guys.] 5. you belong with me taylor swift thing 6. playboy oohhh 7. met at the bell tower [almost self destruct] 8. one of you is gonna die [for example; cancer] 9. juvenile rebellious broken teenagers

AU

ong personally my fav part ngl

fantasy

dystopia, utopia mythology, folklore fairytale, royalty magicians, fortune tellers vampires

science fiction [ could also be in fantasy ]

time travel, manipulation travel in between different worlds

historical

medieval london victorian era medieval russia royalty

modern

highschool juvenile [frik this town] college okay yeah boomer age lets work gotta work

dialogue prompts

okay thats all!!! you can stop here, or if you want inspo or some quotes for me to add in there,, here they are!! :

fluff

1. "stay safe!!" 2. “make sure to come back to me, okay?” 3. “how did you know they were my favourite?” 4. “i saw this, and i thought of you.” 5. “i'd really love it if you came” 6. “just- well… try not to die. i'm really not bothered to replace you” 7. “well maybe i LIKE having you alive, ever thought about that?” 8. “you're leaving already?” 9. “you're the only one i want to be there.” 10. “i did this for you.” 11. "what's you're dream, s/o?" 12. “don't move. i’ll get it for you.” 13. “you won’t take care of yourself so i will” 14. “truthfully, i'd rather just hang out with you.” 15. “shut up and dance with me” 16. “you're not alone anymore” 17. “it's okay it’s okay,,, got you” 18. "thank you for staying." 19. “you don’t have to pretend with me” 20. “just you and me; that’s all i want”

credits to this page for most of these !! the rest are my own ^^

angst

1. "just come here" 2. “i wish i could stay here forever. just me and you.” 3. "i'm so tired of you." 4. "why do i care? are you a fucking idiot, y/n?!" 5. "i trusted you." 6. "don't come to be with your problems anymore, because i don't want to hear it." 7. "don't touch me." 8. "you think i loved you? how pathetic do you think i am?" 9. "it's like you think i don't have a life outside of you. s/o, i don't need you to live my own life." 10. "the hell do you mean?" 11. "he handled it better than you ever could." 12. "i'm staying with my friends for a few days." 13. "damnit, don't pretend you don't know what i'm talking about." 14. "it feels like you don't want anything to do with me anymore, y/n." 15. "i don't want to go back to how it was before." 16. "please, i promise you. i'll never yell like that again." 17. "stay here until you stop crying." 18. "don't leave. please." 19. "i ruined everything. i'm sorry." 20. "please. just come home."

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! i'd be sososososo happy if someone did this PLEEEKKK

[thingsdontgetbetter]

yeahh anyway part 2/x

end of that rant and onto basically i guess my suicide note for my dear friends! i left a note for the apartment people that is intentionally very vague because my past attempts have always failed and its the worst feeling in the world to try and explain the note to whoever stops you or finds you, and i dont want that at all, which is why i can delete this if i live through this somehow, and on top of that, i dont think most of the people i know will ever find this. its basically to just you three. if you want to share this to anyone i guess go ahead because if this gets posted i dont think im around to care about it

ive thought about where ive been this exact day each year for the last 10 years, and each year its with someone i had i was super close to that i dont have anymore. and for this entire time i can say specifically this person was really bad to me, this person was harmful to others, what we had was temporary, or whatever, but the idea it is a theme that keeps repeating until i have no one left and no ability to let someone like that back in, i think more than anything is a signal of me, in the possibilities of like, maybe i am not a good person to be around, maybe i attract these kinds of people, maybe i in a way are also these people, maybe i cant keep anyone around, maybe i am the common denominator in way you cut it. and i think one if not all of these is true. i think i have some kind of deep dark evil hatred like super deep ingrained in my heart that will never be gone. i think i find comfort and similarity in finding things to hate because thats all ive known growing up, i think i am happier when im upset, i think i use that to manipulate people to whenever i need something to hate making them think im a victim somehow, and i dont want to and i dont mean to, but i know my elder relatives were like that and im never in my head to verbalize in my mind thats what im doing, i dont do it consciously, but in that way still, i take and i hurt everyone i care about. i wont let myself or others be happy. it will eventually always happen that i make a falling out with someone because if that doesnt happen im unfamiliar with whats going on i dont know what is happening.. and i make whatever needs to happen to feel that cycle again. in the period before i do this i get seriously codependent on a single person, to where i live my life for that person, and my being is made to cater to whatever that is, and i do that i think in response to the feeling of not wanting to be alone, to finding a person that makes me happy and wanted, to never ever wanting to let that go, selfishly, until it finally boils up to constricting that persons abilities, and when they start freaking out for needing space, i cant take the rejection of losing that, and make myself the victim. i wish i couldve broken this down in therapy, but the last 6 months have been mostly figuring out short term disability. i figured out i was not getting paid for the disability about 1-2 weeks ago, sometime at the beginning of june, and i knew then there was no getting out of needing to off myself. the reasoning for their rejection is that i didnt provide my hr with all the documentation for my leave, which they never said they needed, and i did provide my hr with that information, but the way short term leave works with my job is in periods of 2 weeks at a time, and since i missed sending them the same paper that they requested for 2 weeks in februrary at a specific time (i sent it to them after when i realized it worked this way but it was too late for it to be recognized) they never accepted it, they just had it under a status of documentation not found. and im technically still with my job, but if i said ok stl over im coming back tomorrow, my manager would say we dont have that documentation youre fired. i cannot go back, i cannot send them the documentation, and im stuck in this kind of limbo. ive honestly been waiting for that email saying "youre fired!!" if it had come especially earlier i couldve at least applied for unemployment benefits or something, which would not have been a lot a week, but it still wouldve been something.

[sunflowerinpearls]

Husbands' words are not matching actions and vice versa. Hes been "venting" to "me" in front of our oldest (turning 16 may 10) on our "current" marriage?....problem(s).

I tried my best to keep my mouth shut and one time he asked me to play a song so I for one am so plugged up i cant really hear much, sometimes even music is too loud (sensory processing disorder) and I guess i didnt even hear him say something and the child caught on to what was happening and said "you're ignoring dad again"

So i spoke to her instead of him since she said it, & I said "I didnt ignore him. I didnt hear him. I was hyper focused on the song he requested me to play."

And then he went on just one of many other rants in front of her, asking "you dont think I ever hyper focus on anything? When Im home on my days off, I feel like im your servant" All day anytime I asked for help, to him I was demanding it and not appreciating stuff he did and then he would not stop talking about every single thing he did today around the house and for our children and its like.... ok cool.

And people get paid to do what i do here at home, every single day all day long. Didn't say it would be easy, however I did ask for help. He tried to say he understands im frustrated bcuz im home all day and i guess i interrupted and was rude bcuz i said "Its not THAT, at all" (cuz its...not?) Lastly i stumbled upon his fave song & started playing it & asked him to plz get me my night meds bcuz I am so fucking cold to the touch, esp to others. And moving makes it hurt.:// He said "You can just not play the song now. Thanks." So uhh.. Like all I am learning here is 1) I need to stop asking him to help me w/ literally anything and like he has said in the past which I clearly shouldve listened to: "If you (*me doing this: "cough" "cough") WANT something RIGHT NOW!, I'll have to get up and get it myself or wait until I he is ready to do it." And 2) I've been right all along. I cant count on even my own Husband so like uhh.... okay. And Now to him, I'm just a burden. Let alone ya know, i guess having influenza and not doing shit around the house "today" (literally just today, and actually, i still did some stuff which is better than none lol) and hes acting like he deserves a fucking gold medal. For what? Being a husband a father and taking responsibility of everything whilst your wife is ill? K. Never asking you for shit now. Ill send lists to him at work if the house needs anything. He hasnt had sex from me in a month because for the past 2 months steady, I have been sick with an upper respiratory virus affecting my asthma and everything else and now this so uhh, my bad. Next time I'll just faint (again) & hit my head probably (again) and then maybe, theyll see that hes just gonna send me by myself and come pick me up when Im done being in there because he has to sleep for work tomorrow. Not to ya know, dare mention that if the bulging disc in my spine "RUPTURES", all signs & symptoms of paralysis will hit fast & clearly that would become a huge Emergency Situation... So I was "told to do it anyway" by him even after explaining the deck was covered in thick broken shattered ice chunks and with my slip on shoes that are the only shoes i can wear, I told him "I'm not doing that" and now it's my fault it was left outside until when he came home (3 1/2 hours before home). I feel as if my health is a major burden to him and maybe its time for me to get an inhome nurse... Some people just arent built to take care of anyone else. And maybe idk, maybe he is starting to see that I a really honestly, not in love with him at this point anymore. Maybe tomorrow or next month or next whatever, or maybe never will I be back in love with him.It seemed to me like the exact day that he was hired on as a manager at his workplace, things shifted. He dropped a huge bomb on me. I had to then last night, inform my family that I'm doing gene testing to see if i am a carrier of a breast cancer gene for reasons. They're also testing for thyroid & ovarian seeing as those run heavily. My chances before gene testing was uncomfortable to talk to our 3 kids about but they were as accepting as they can be, as their Mother my main priority should be my health so that Incan get better so that I can continue to do what I freaking LOVE DOING SO MUCH!!!!!! Like I truly do so why continually, continually say outloud in front of the 3 kids that "well I've done all of this and all of this because you asked for help" and it all started over me asking him if he can take lily her cup of water since shes coughing so badly. My flu/asthma/sinus shit is awful and my heart problem make it hard for me to walk sometimes let alone climb stairs.... He's acting like he deserves a gold medal when im always keeping the house up and im not doing that. What im doing is showing him what all i have to do during the day, some updates on what i dod and whatever else i wanna send.

I told him that its unfair to us completely that he doesnt turn off "Manager" when he walks through the door. He had a conversation to me and said hes not gonna be able to shut that off when he comes home and he has to take on so much responsibilities and he feels like he needs to be inside the house alone without myself or the kids or the pets for like half a year to get his straight. Bruh. Like no. Just do better. Idk how many people told me that Id never do this and id never do that and here i am proving them wrong every single day.

But every time he speaks to me like this, I am taken back to a time where I was told "your mother never should've made you." At i think 4-5 years old? I am disabled for many reasons. And I can tell everyone all the time until I'm fucking blue in my own face that, when I say that I cant do something and I ask for help, the help is met with a "your legs work" or "you're capable. You just dont wanna wait" No duh. Thats why i said "now please". Would you rather I give you another reason to hit me 3x flat-cupped handed times on my face again and say that "If I wanted it right now and could have gotten it right now for myself"

Im tired of asking for help and being treated like nothing other than a burden and his biggest fucking problem. How was I supposed to know that I was going to this sick on your 2 days off and that every time I asked for anything, you were upset.

I guess i was right and I'm just a different person now because of trauma processing and healing. But being sick enough to make 4 separate appointments during the 2 month span and if this gets worse, this one too. So I feel like he wants me to say something to him or do something for him, but all Im getting from this is "do not ask me for anything". Isnt your spouse supposed to be the one taking care of you when youre sick? Hes already lost me emotionally. And right before our ten year wedding annivarsary. Cool.

Advice?

[goawaymars]

senior assassin day 1 and a half

ima senior in high school now and im doing senior assasin and i have never been so fucking terrified and excited in my life! i havent touched tumblr but neigh i shall document my forthcumings here

senior asasasin for those who dont know is a senior tradition at least at my school where everyone puts like 10 bucks in a potluck and are assigned a random person they have to water before the end of the week and to move on you need to get your person out and not get gotten before the week ends and this goes on and on until theres one person and they get all the money in the potluck (its up to over 1000 bucks by now!!!)

first half day should have been day 4 but ive been out of town for spring break so im counting the half as the night i pulled up back to my house: i show up i help my family unpack the car, im looking around, nothing outright sussy its fine

day 1 (today) this morning my dad says he say a teenager sitting in their car parked on the corner with their hood up playing on their phone, he thinks they were gonna try to assassinate me and they left before i left the house bc i slept in

...

tonight i am out with my gorls

i come home

i dash to the garage

i hear footsteps behind me

but neigh

i escape!

i am not wet!

I LIVE ANOTHER DAY!

but neigh i recive a text

“be honest did i get you”

“dont think so”

can i give you 20 bucks to say you got out since we dont know”

“no i didnt get wet sorry”

“ok sounds good”

AFTER THAT H E F T Y CONVERSATION

I LIVE ANOTHER DAY

(i highly doubt any other seniors from my schhool are on tumblr but im still gonna play it safe and not talk about my plans or my stratigies)

see yall tomorrow!

[glimmering-brainfamily]

I posted 14,710 times in 2022

That's 13,328 more posts than 2021!

141 posts created (1%)

14,569 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@red-revival

@cat-boy-tits

@yharnamsnewslug

@haboat

@vaspider

I tagged 2,179 of my posts in 2022

#homestuck - 41 posts

#drugs - 37 posts

#psychonauts - 15 posts

#my art - 14 posts

#unreality - 13 posts

#dragon age - 12 posts

#queer - 12 posts

#antisemitism - 10 posts

#cultist simulator - 10 posts

#oh no - 9 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#no op sorry im still going to read “a hasty toilet” as “i cocked my ass and fired it like a gun into the chamber pot shattering it instantly

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

How Do you Do Fellow Cultists?

I made a uquiz to find out what your main Principle would be if you were a character in the cultsim world >> https://uquiz.com/8wxELS <<

blease enjoy

81 notes - Posted April 11, 2022

#4

tryna act normal during an enlightenment ascension

94 notes - Posted April 8, 2022

#3

So I just found out that there’s been some confusion between the Genderqueer flag, and the old UK suffragette flag that’s been co-opted by TERFs. Rather than give up our nice flag to the people who want us silenced and dead, I figured I’d offer up a temporary solution :)

See the full post

257 notes - Posted March 3, 2022

#2

Hiii ok so!!! Folks!!! When people were saying Don't Interact With Corporate Accounts because they will try to emulate tumblr culture

⬇️ This Is The Sort Of Posts They Were Telling You Not To Interact With ⬇️

This blog started posting in june of this year and 100% of their posts are totally straight-laced ads for switch games and promotions. Almost all posts are complete flops with under 10 notes with a handful getting up to maybe 200 notes. This post that mentions bowser's hot balls is the only one to break past that (for obvious reasons). Most of the notes on this one are people being reasonably incredulous "is this a parody account??" "they knew what they were doing" etc. I get it, but Don't Do That.

They are testing the waters and trying to figure out how to get ads past your adblockers. When you reblog a post like this for any reason, they succeed at doing this to every one of your followers.

Do Not Engage Means: Do Not Fucking Engage!

1,254 notes - Posted November 12, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

If I can get tooth-rottingly sincere for a second? TERFs and radfems are destined to lose in the end. A movement centered on hating others- especially a demographic that is and always has been present in every culture and group throughout history, and always will be- is utterly unsustainable. It is forced to prey on the vulnerable in order to recruit, and that kind of hatred just... weighs on you, colours your perceptions and makes you unable to engage with the world in a healthy way, drains you until you’re just an empty husk. If every trans person were wiped off the face of the earth today and every mention of us redacted from all history, there would still be kids born tomorrow who look at their assigned gender and go ‘hm. don’t like that’ and do something different. They would find people just like themselves and we would persist. I have no idea what the world is going to look like when I am long gone, but I know for certain that there will be trans people in it, just as there will be gays and lesbians, there will be bisexuals, aces, aros, nonbinary folk and EVERY infinitesimal point within the queer spectrum, because its simply not possible to expunge us from the world without eradicating all of humanity. That’s the thought that keeps me going, you know? Even leaving aside gender stuff- the urge to self-create and self-express, and the urge to love ourselves and love each other- it’s woven into our very natures! No matter what happens, that light can’t be snuffed out. Thank you for your time, and stay hydrated.

6,270 notes - Posted March 4, 2022

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