has this been done before
42 notes
·
View notes
Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
17K notes
·
View notes
[ID: a digital sketch of Eda and Raine from the owl house. They're in their designs from watching and dreaming, pre epilogue. Raine holds out their arm for an injection (given by a disembodied hand and labeled "magic rabies shot") and Eda lays a hand on their shoulder and leans her head on theirs. She says "you're doing great Raine! how'd you get rabies tho?". Raine stares dead eyed at the viewer as a thought bubble connected to them shows Belos biting down on their arm. End ID]
I was gonna post a request today but I feel like it's gonna flop and this is funnier. So request tomorrow, Raine Whispers Rabies doodle today
900 notes
·
View notes
i love josh as peeta so much but tell me this isn't vibing with book peeta???? book everlark???
142 notes
·
View notes
honestly i didn't want to get invested in beau & molly's friendship because i knew the spoiler but i did it anyway unintentionally and oh boy these 26 episodes of their shenanigans were completely worth it but also since molly's death I haven't taken a L once as their enjoyer. like molly really died in front of beau and made her speedrun through an existential crisis and also taliesin said molly would think that he'd always have a one-up on her. she got his tattoo and then got impaled the next day just like he did (yay! just besties things) and then also got a cursed fucked up eye right in the middle of it just like the one he had. she liked to think there was a town somewhere where people still believed he was a king. it's less related but seeing her and lucien annoy the shit out of each other was also endearing. when kingsley woke up the first thing she did was giving him a middle finger like she wasn't one of the people directly participating in his resurrection because she wanted to. it's like a schrodinger's friendship. molly was six feet under for the most of the show so they haven't actually interacted all this time but somehow put-on pettiness was stronger than death indeed
81 notes
·
View notes
And Oda approved of this? Maybe there's some hope for my man 🙏🏼.
39 notes
·
View notes