#i havent eaten today and i had to go get everyone food

[thespacesandsilences]

i gained 5lbs these last two days from an indulgence that snow balled into an aggressive binge

i havent binged like this before which was scary lol. two days ago i hosted a lunch with friends were i made alfredo and after everyone left and my gf was asleep i immediately felt the urge to try this vegan mexican cheese i got. while i was making a grilled cheese i decided since i had already eaten more than i wanted today “why not” just binge on the rest of bread i have so theres no more bread to worry about🙃 so i binged on like 5 slices of bread, then added pepperoni onto my grilled cheese (still excusing it as wanting to get rid of food in my fridge by eating it instead of it going bad) THEN even though i felt how full i was i ate a packet of instant ramen to also “get rid of” all the while i was drinking multiple glasses of alcohol since i already said fuck it to my calories🥲

the next day i told myself i would fast to cancel it out, but i decided breakfast (at noon) couldnt hurt. i ate one black bean burger (160) and one bun (160) with red cabbage (10) and i felt satisfied. after a few hours i felt myself get hungry so i decided id make some miso soup to get rid of my week old tofu and i thought itd be an okay idea to just add half a ramen packet (again, like an idiot, to get rid of the immense food i have since i HATE WASTE). all was well after that until i experienced the worst case of binge urges ive ever had. it genuinely felt like i was high or drunk ive never felt disassociation so strongly. i got up multiple times to eat out of my fridge and each time i made something, sat down, ate it, and as i was chewing the last bite i was already up and looking through my food for something else to gorge on. i could feel just how full i was but it’s like nothing mattered in that moment except for shoveling down anything i could in those 24 hours.

later i needed something from target and i couldnt help but get a pack of two-bite sweets. my stomach was in pain at this point yet i wolfed down 5 in the car alone. then i went to fucking cane’s and thought, just a sandwich that’s all (like i hadnt been eating all day like a pig anyways). the sandwich was GIGANTIC like i dont know why i was surprised in the slightest. and STILL i demolished all of it, in my car of course because of the shame and i knew i had to throw out the trash as soon as possible. that wasnt enough.

i went home and ate another third of the two-bites and genuinely felt sick and uncomfortable for hours.

so yeah, it’s no surprise i gained 5 lbs since i definitely ate well over 8,000 calories those two days alone, so im flipping the switch as best as i can.

[wellnesscard]

nah literally...... im in such a pissy mood rn for no good reason / all things i can attend to to improve whateverrrrrrr. i slept in instead of waking up to do schoolwork before work because i forgot i had work this evening. work ac is busted so its 90° in the kitchen, i didnt even feel it tbh everyone else was complaining im just so distracted by school shit that i literally have no hours of the day or week to spend on, probably going to end up dropping a class which is fine bc im signed up for 12/8 elective credits anyways so like. save the money and the mind. got sent home from work early so i could do schoolwork bc im stressin which is very nice but also i havent eaten all day and theres no food here bc ive been too busy to grocery shop and they sent me home before my break when i was kinda counting on Restaurant Job for a meal today. and it smells like garbage in the apartment and theres flies everywhere and its hot as fuck and its labor day and the dog needs a walk and for once im actually so fucking spent that a walk doesn't sound nice and i have to work and go to school tomorrow too so literally the next two hours are my only chance to get my assignments for wednesday done

[evandorepart2]

longgggg fucking vent post under the cut. idk if it even counts as vent i am simply relaying information about the situation and i am unsure how i should feel right now

oh my fucking GOD my brother is such an asshole like. ok so whats happened over the past couple days is that

i hit a depressive period. it is Obvious -> since im depressed i dont have energy to eat or cook much and ive been struggling with making sure to eat Before this -> we have recently got groceries and there are muffins. before this i was literally eating a slice of bread so i would at the very least not pass out or vomit so obviously when we have that im going to switch to Depending on that -> this is something i do a lot, unconciously, to eat. i have a single 'meal' and stick with it until its run out. whether or not it has lots of steps.

what happened after this is

my brother gets pissed cause i ate all the muffins and he calls me a bitch and some other stuff idr cause i deleted the messages -> i am hanging by a thread and being confronted abt an insecurity on multiple levels makes me very upset -> i attempt to deflect these feelings by joking about it so that i can convince myself that im not upset -> he responds negatively and calls me annoying + brings up the fact that hes the only one whos been cleaning downstiars and subtly implying that im lazy and never do any work. a fact he Has said to my face despite this being proven Not True many times. and none of the Mess hes been cleaning up is mine since i have not been using the kitchen / using dishes / had items isolated to a single small table -> i get more upset and decide to be honest and write a short, frank note [bc this is all over text bc he never talks to me face to face] saying that i am depressed. its difficult to eat and i wasnt even Thinking of him [as he is someone who regularly gets on everyone else for eating junk sweet food so i dont think he wnats that stuff] and i apologize for being a dick and thank him for cleaning up.

after this he does not respond which means that there is nothing else he wants to say on the matter. that was a few days ago and i do not talk / go near him. ive phsyically seen him Three times since this exchange. and they lasted a few seconds since i quickly Left The Area.

today was the first time hes messaged me since then to tell me to do the dishes. i Was going to - was debating not to but then it got into my head as a Task I Need To Finish before i could continue what i was doing - but when i went downstairs he was on the couch and this scared me so i went back upstairs and was promising to do it tomorrow.

Until i had another breakdown and completely reorganized all my projects so i wouldnt have an unproductive spiral. and then i just finished so i thought Now i will do the dishes so i can get back into doing my Other Tasks. that is if they werent done - the thing with the dishes is that he said he was going to cook. which is how it usually goes. so its not like he just told me to clean LOL

but during this time i had headphones on which are sound proof and as i was going outside i took them off and realized the tv was on which means hes downstairs. and also i could smell meat cooking, meaning he was making dinner. its at this point i was like. whoops i didnt do the dishes that sucks but also. i Have told him i was in the middle of a depressive period. i havent been eating and i havent been leaving my room at all. even my father picked up on this. its easy to assume that he understands that hey! maybe youll tell me to do something and i just dont do it. for gods sake i didnt even answer the text bc i didnt want to say id do it and then not do it.

so i went to shower instead and felt really sick standing up since obviously i havent eaten and it feels like my stomach is caving in and i can smell food cooking which just makes it significantly worse.

which is whatever. i leave. i think about whether or not my pride will let me go downstairs when he tells me hes made dinner. NOTE: my father is gone today - hes partying with his work friends as a going away thing. so it is just us.

except! he hasnt texted me at all! in fact! its been half an hour since i know he cooked and nothing has been said to me. which leaves the options. he made something else and i can just fend for myself. he made the original meal [which was burgers and takes a while to do cause he does it from scratch] and was pissed that i didnt do the dishes so he didnt make me any. or hes still cooking and has yet to text me [doubtful]

which. i dont know which is worse! and i am unsure if i am allowed to be upset by this!

because on one hand yea. i was supposed to do the dishes and i couldnt even bring myself to do that.

but on the other hand. man im fucking depressed. it took two days of convincing to get me to brush my teeth again. i am getting physically ill from lack of food and ive been having casual thoughts of suicide again. and its not like he doesnt know. like ive told him. ive left out my diagnosis papers so he could see them - which he told me hes read ! im not 'suffering in silence' or whatever. im just FUCK i dont know. i hate this stupid family.

its like everyone looks at me and goes. yea you have problems. but the second i start i dont fucking know having problems everyone gets soooo mad at me and tells me how awful and lazy and how im literally never going to ammount to anything or do anything < real words that my brother had said ! he went off very long on how pathetic i am to my father and only 'apologized' like a day later when he was high which was barely even an apology he just said sorry and then hung up.

its like every time i try to get better and then everyone around me just. fucking i dont even know man. my mom hates me. my brother hates me. my father hates everything i like and everything i stand for and completely refuses to ever listen to me actually talk. im awful person to everyone around me and all my friends and im not getting out of this hell hole. nothing is going to change when i get to iowa. im just gonna be the same shitty person in an even shittier country with people and family that i hate

[wonwoonlight]

am watching that seungkwan and jeonghan vlive bc I was on a meeting when they did the live and:

i finally have a common ground w the yoon jeonghan, thank you this has been psa

[loveyves]

x

[daddynegandesires]

My little runaway pt. 3

(Summary: after returning back to the sacutuary negan leaves on one of his runs only to come back to an unexpected turn of events.)

⚠Warning: strong language, angst, physical fighting, smut⚠

Mature content

3 days later

Its been days since negan has been out on his run youve been helping out around the sanctuary cleaning and cooking for everyone. You have been letting people slide without using their points for food and other activities. The point system always seemed like a dumb idea to you never seemed fair to have people earn points just for things they desperately needed. Finishing up the dishes in the kitchen you heard everyone in the dining hall go silent. You walked around the corner to see everyone on their knees..negan must have arrived you kept yourself hidden in the kitchen knowing you havent been exactly following by his rules since he has been gone. Quietly finishing putting up the dishes you sneak outside around back moments before negan suddenly bursts outside.

"(Y/n)....where are you!!" Negan began pacing around looking for you when he turned the corner to see you leaning up against the wall

"You!..."

Negan charged up to you grabbing you by the throat slamming you against the wall.

"What is with you!?" You said clearly before getting all of the air stuck from entering into you

Negan began to drag you back inside infront of all saviors throwing you on the floor with a loud thump as your body hit the ground.

" i want everyone to see whos in charge here and its me!! Not her..me...im sorry you guys have to witness this the hard way....but you leave me no other choice..rules are rules!" negan gripped lucille tightly raising her above his head

You were sitting on the concrete floor still trying to comprehend everything that is going on and, in a sudden flash you were struck across the arm. A sharp shooting pain bursted throughout my whole body causing me to scream in agony. Blood was rushing down your arm you covered it with your hand feeling it seep between your fingers. You were now laying on the floor crying infront of everyone feeling humiliated while negan stood there with a nasty grin. He began to get ready to strike you again. The bat slashed across your arm again this time harder and more painful feeling of the barbwire sinking into your flesh ripping it off. You tried to protect your face with your hands before he could get another swing in. Blood now splattered all over negan your screams now filled the building of the sanctuary

"Negan stop!" Dwight stepped infront of negan blocking you

Negans eyes grew black as he realized what dwight was doing. He knew he was getting his fair share of punishment too for stepping up.

"She cant take it.....negan she is your bestfriend she is bleeding out you are going to kill her!" Dwight yelled

Realizing what he had just done negan dropped lucille to the ground everything began to feel like it was in slow-motion and, my head was pounding. Negan pushed Dwight out of the way and scooped you up dripping blood all over his white shirt he rushed you to the doctor they had there. Busting in through the door he placed you down on the operating table the last thing you seen was negan staring back at you before everything went black.

*Nightmare*

"Fuck me harder..." You could feel yourself slowly buckling under him.

With every thrust negan was grunting louder his cock filled you up perfectly. The wetness of your pussy making that sexy sound he loved so much. You had almost forgotten that you were fucking in his and lucilles bed...which made you feel like a peice of shit. Lucille was in the hospital dying from cancer and negan said this was a way to help him "cope". I thought otherwise....

"Fuck you are so tight.....your pussy feels so fucking good" negan moaned biting at your neck slamming into your pussy faster.

You began to drag your nails down his back causing him to grunt out in pain he then grabbed you by the throat squeezing untill you let out small moans. He began fucking you faster you couls feel his cock swelling up inside of you getting him closer to the edge of blowing his load. He took his free hand gently rubbing it over your clit. Your moaning grew louder and louder the faster his fingers went.

"Negan.....how could you!" A faint voice called out.....

*end of Nightmare*

You suddenly woke up in a sweaty panic to only realize you were hooked up to IV monitor's. You began to raise yourself up when a sharp pain beamed through your arm causing you to cry out in pain you looked around the room and spotted negan in the chair beside you slumped over fast asleep. Everything that happended slwoly started coming back to you negan humiliating you infront of everyone and, almost killing you with lucille.

"Your up..." Neagn said in a raspy tired tone

You couldn't bring yourself to say anything to him not after what he just did to you he could have killed you!. All you could do was stare at him you didnt even know who you were staring at anymore all you knew is that you had to get out of here nothing will ever change with him. Ever.

Negan rose up from his seat moving over to the bed sitting down by you he raised up his hand to caress your face which caused you to flinch. His face looked full of guilt and sadness he was struggling to keep eye contact with you. You pushed his hand off of you shooting him a dirty look.

"I need you to leave....now" you spoke through gritted teeth turning your face away from him.

"I dont want anything to do with you ever again!!..im done with you..now get out!" A fire grew inside of you, your voice full of rage there was no other choice but to distance yourself from this moster. Negans face twitched at the words that had just came out of your mouth he looked at you one last time before stading up to grab Lucille. It felt like there was a knot in your throat it was hard for you to do this but it had to end this way.

-------------

Its been weeks since me and negan have spoke let alone make eye contact with eachother. Ive been getting along with everyone nicely in the sanctuary even have been going on a few supply runs, not with negan course. My arm was almost fully healed but im left with an eye sore of a scar i have to deal with for the rest of my life. I cant forgive negan for what he did to me he went to far this time i can no longer put my trust in him. My night terrors have been increasingly bad lately i always end up tossing and turning all night. Dwight and i have actually been getting along with eachother and working as a team he has been keeping in touch with rick for me. Dwight isnt so fond of negan anymore either hes been sneaking around behind negans back giving information to Daryl.

I was in my room getting dressed when there was a sudden knock on my door it was dwight.

"Hey...how you doing?" He walked in leaving the door open behind him

"Im okay. Whats up?" I questioned, while sliding a knife into my belt loop

"Im not sure how to say this but we have to go on a run today wit-"

"Okay? Thats fine with me" i cut him off mid scentence while sliding on my leather jacket

"With negan..." He finished.

You took a deep breath in and ruffled your hair with your fingers annoyingly before letting your hands fall on your thighs causing it to make a slapping sound. Dwight stood there staring at the ground nervously waiting for you to respond.

"Okay then..." Letting out a deep sigh as much as you didnt want to be around negan you really didnt have any other choice right now. You and dwight left your room only to bump yourself into negan causing you both to grunt you just pushed right past him not saying anything making your way out to the truck ready to leave. Negan walks outside up to the truck you can hear him faintly whispering to someone. The door flings open and with one swift motion negan plops down in his seat slamming the door shut. You could feel negans eyes on you from the rearview mirror. Dwight hopped in the driver seat and drove off causing for an awkward silence untill we reached our destination.

"I gotcha.." Dwight said holding out his hand to help you out of the truck

All you could do was keep quiet and take the offer dwight was giving, negan as usual was standing there with a cocked smile ready at any moment to say some smartass bullshit. The three of us began to walk off when we came up on a pharmacy the windows were untouched, no broken glass all of the shelves look fully stocked Negan walked in tapping lucille on the counter giving warning to any walkers that could be inside. I followed behind him heading straight over to the medicine filling my bag up. All negan could do was walk around while watching me and dwight stock up on everything we needed.

"This place is a gold mine....untouched" negan said pacing back and forth

You were watching Negan gaze out of the front window of the building when we heard a yell come from the backroom we all quickly ran back there it was a man getting eaten by a walker, ripping his flesh off of his bones peice by peice.

"Put him out of his misery what are you waiting for!!?" You panicked yelling at negan

"Dwight ..." Negan said in a low tone

"You fucking coward!" You quickly pulled your gun out of your pocket pulling the trigger putting a bullet in the poor mans skull

"Wow....fiesty..." Negan said licking his bottom lip

"You fucking disgust me!...you are pathetic!!" You shoved your gun back into your pocket marching up to negan

"Dont excite me now darlin.." He let out a dirty grin slicking his hair back with his free hand

"Im so fucking tired of you...you act like you are the greatest man alive. You are a cheater! And a liar! Thats all you ever will be lucille would of never wanted this!" you screamed in his face before marching back to the truck. Negan and dwight came out to the truck shortly while gathering up the rest of the supplies. All you could do was sit with your arms crossed and a bitchy look on your face. Negan kept glacing at you out of the corner of his eye as if he had to keep watch over you.

When you arrived back at the sanctuary you rushed out of the truck storming off to your room slamming the door shut behind you. You were rumaging through the cabnets hoping to find a bottle of alcohol to calm yourself down with. The thoughts just kept floading through your head the night lucille died...you couldnt get negan cheating on her out of your mind you felt so guily so, disgusted with yourself...you were her bestfriend and you were fucking her husband. Grabbing ahold of the glass filled with dark brown alcohol you popped the lid off bringing it up to your lips. The smell of it almost stinging your nose, swallowing the alcohol it burned your throat a feeling you havent felt inawhile. Tears were streaming down your face as you slide down the wall behind you chugging down your drink. I just want to forget everything...

[aventurasdeunatortuga]

Laredo Part 2

Week 1

Hey friends,

After a long travel hiatus, as some of you may already know, I am back in Laredo, Texas. I’ll be here for about 3.5 weeks working with shelters to support recently arrived asylum seekers at the US Mexico border. I was here 2 years ago doing the same thing, you can go through the laredo tag on here to get some more background about what is going on here and to read about my experiences in 2019.

I have been here already for about a week and have been so exhausted I haven’t had the energy to write anything, but here is more or less what is going on.

So since Fall of 2019, the border was closed to all asylum seekers thanks to 45’s cruel Remain In Mexico policy, which forced asylum seekers from Central America to wait along the Mexican border for an undetermined amount of time until they could get an immigration hearing. In the past asylum seekers could wait with their families in the US for their court dates (it can be a long wait). Waiting at the border in Mexico, a country they are not from, left folks vulnerable to human trafficking, kidnapping, gang violence, and extortion from the cartels operating along the border. During COVID folks were living in makeshift tents along the border with no running water and were left vulnerable to exposure, flooding, disease, dangerous wildlife, and the millions of other dangers that come from being outside in 113 degree heat with no water. There was no international aid brought in and support was limited to the few aid workers allowed to cross the border, which was very dangerous given the amount of gang violence on the Mexican side. One shelter director in Nuevo Laredo was kidnapped and murdered last year.

When Biden was elected, he reversed the Remain In Mexico policy just a few weeks into his presidency. Meaning that asylum seekers could now enter the US after surrendering at the border and being held for indeterminate amounts of time in ICE detention centers. Once they are released from there they are given a court date in wherever their final destination in the US is, but are left on the street with nothing.

Most folks are illiterate, none speak English and some only speak indigenous dialects. All of their possessions and money have been taken by either cartels or by ICE. Most havent eaten in days and many are seriously ill. None of them know where they are or how to get where they’re going. ICE will drop them off at random towns along the border after releasing them from detention, sometimes hundreds of miles from where they crossed. They just have a name and phone number memorized of a friend or family member in the US that is sponsoring them and who they are planning to stay with.

The vast majority of folks are from Central America, they are fleeing cartel violence , government persecution, extreme poverty, and natural disasters caused by climate change. The instability in these countries (Guatemala, Honduras, Nicaragua, and El Salvador) was caused directly by US intervention, but that’s a whole other topic I won’t get into now. Folks must show a credible proof of being threatened or persecuted in their home country to even be granted the status of asylum seeker and to be given a court date.

Shelters in border towns do what they can to support folks being released from detention. They help them make phone calls, provide translation, help them buy bus and plane tickets, give them food, water, medical care, showers, clean clothes, toiletries, and a safe place to sleep until they are able to make travel arrangements to their final destinations.

During the last 2 years under the Remain In Mexico policy, no one was being admitted and so shelters lost a great deal of funding, staff, and volunteers. They turned more towards community work, which was especially needed during COVID.

Shelters are in a difficult position now though, folks are allowed to enter now which is good news but shelters are having to meet even more extreme needs with far fewer resources than they had pre-COVID.

For a long time the shelter I worked with before, La Frontera, was closed due to lack of funding; but only very recently reopened again. I have been spreading my time between La Frontera (run by Catholic charities) and the other shelter in Laredo, Holding Institute Community Center, which is a community center run by the Methodist Church. Both of these shelters have 2-3 paid staff members, a revolving door of volunteers from around the country (the majority of them nuns), are entirely donation based, and receive 200-300 new people every single day.

About 20-30% of each busload of people that ICE drops off are infected with COVID. ICE refuses to test folks that they detain for COVID because if they knew they had positive cases they would have to provide healthcare and a place for them to quarantine. Instead they lump everyone together in cramped conditions and COVID is allowed to run rampant in these detention centers.

In detention folks are kept in overcrowded rooms, communicated with almost exclusively in English, are provided limited food and toiletries, and are kept in refrigerated rooms (65 degrees) with no blankets. These places are called the ‘ice boxes’. Sometimes folks are separated from their families here as well.

Lately there has also been a dysentery outbreak due to the fact that the city of Laredo does not currently have drinkable water, residents are advised to drink only bottled or boiled water, which asylum seekers do not have access to until they reach the shelters.

When folks reach the shelters, they are given on the spot covid tests by a team of nurses and public health officials. There is no room for them at the hospitals, even if there were room hospitals wouldnt accept them because they have no insurance. The city government has offered bottled water to the shelters but thats it.

After being tested for covid, the health team divides folks into 2 groups, positive and negative. Folks who test positive have to quarantine for 10 days in an empty warehouse next door to the shelter or if they’re lucky and the shelter can afford it, a motel. Yesterday the shelter bought out a motel because there were 200+ covid patients who arrived. We have two small classrooms at the shelter that have been converted into sleeping areas for about 40 covid patients. The medical team leaves boxes of food and clothing outside their door, and once a day they are taken to shower and then the entire bathroom is sanitized.

Those who test negative are immediately vaccinated on site, and then taken to get clean clothes, food, and a shower. They sleep on cots outside under the trees in the fenced courtyard of the shelter.

For the first few days I’ve been here, I’ve been working at Holding only because I didn’t know La Frontera had reopened. I was mainly working on sorting and organizing clothing and helping folks find clothes that they need. Last night though 200+ covid positive patients arrived and we had to stop allowing people in the building to pick out clothes, and today we moved to just putting together kits of different sized clothes to give directly to them.

I was feeling a bit frustrated the last few days because the staff member in charge of organizing donations was being extremely critical of me and it was very frustrating and degrading to be around. I was yelled at a number of times by her. For example, I saw a pile of 200 towels on the ground and folded them. I was told that I did it wrong, to unfold them and fold all of them a different way. Or I started organizing toiletries and was just told ‘no, you’re messing it up, don’t touch that’. I understand that I’m new but no one took the time to introduce themselves to me, orient me, or show me what to do and I was trying to be helpful. I also understand that folks are stressed and under pressure but please don’t take it out on people trying to help you. Most everyone there is extremely nice it was just one of the staff members in particular that was acting this way. I was told I wasn’t allowed to give water or shoes to people who needed them because “I didn’t know how to do it” and because “if you give water to one person, everyones going to want it, and i don’t have time for that”. I didn’t come down here to sit inside doing nothing next to a giant case of bottled water and be told I’m not allowed to give it to the thirsty person in front of me.

So I walked out and I left the shelter in the middle of the day to go drive around town and take a breather, because everything I did seemed like made someone upset. When I came back I inserted myself into the kitchen crew and ended up making 200+ sandwiches for dinner. I also had a long talk with one of the nuns who assured me that that staff member is like that with everyone and has a lot of control issues due to the amount of pressure she is under, and not to take it personally. She told me that La Frontera had reopened and so ever since then I started dividing up my days between the two shelters. This has made a big difference and I feel a lot better and more useful.

I also connected more with some of the nuns here and they invited me to dinner tonight which was nice. One of the sisters is writing a book based on narratives of folks passing through these shelters and is interviewing people she meets. It was fascinating to talk to her. She has worked with undocumented immigrants and DREAMers from around the country for 28 years, and wrote another book based on those experiences called Silent Voices In The Shadows (Paula Schwendinger), which I just finished reading and highly recommend.

Oh, also it has been raining really hard for the past day or so with 95% humidity and constant thunder and lightening, which has made things even more interesting.

I will try to keep posting semi regularly while I’m here.

[projecthalemaw]

The three teens were now successfully off on their adventure, and conversing amongst one another. "Alexis. Was everything okay, back at the pokemon center?" Hera asked as the three walked.

"Hm? Oh uh, yeah. My brain got overwhelmed with all of the lights, sounds, and my eyes had been hurting." Alexis admitted, adjusting her sunglasses.

"Ah. Gotcha. I experience it occasionally, although rarely." Hera nodded in understanding. "So. I'm thinking that, when we get to Nightvale city, My gran will want to have dinner with me one last time. And because shes a total sweetheart, You two can stay for dinner too." Hera spoke, slipping her hands into her jacket pockets. "So, I know Miranda's kind of a tough gym leader. Her gym is certainly eccentric, if I remember some of her battles that are televised. Three floors, each one works with a different weather effect. Remind me what they are, Lucius?"

"Sandstorm for the first floor, Hail for the second, and Sunny day for the third. The top floor, where shes located, is actually the rooftop of the weather facility in Jupiter city. It almost always rains in that city, as well. So when we head that direction, we'll wanna have our umbrella's to be easy to access." Lucius explained.

Alexis nodded, looking up from her pokedex. "I'm reading over Gible's pokedex entry, which also seems to list the ability for the pokemon, and what it does. Sand veil ups evasion in a sandstorm." She spoke. "Meaning that gible will likely be highly useful for the first floor, in my case." She spoke.

"Correct. The ability listing feature was of Professor Morgan's own design, if you're curious. Also. We should use this route, and the cave, to train our partners." Lucius spoke.

"Cave?" Hera asked.

"No. We're not going near the cave on the other path." Alexis spoke, her tone seeming to shift.

"There's a hidden cave nearby, that has pokemon that are rare elsewhere on this island." Lucius elaborated.

"Oh, okay. Sorry for my tone shift." Alexis spoke.

"All good. Yeah. That other cave, on the other path. It creeps everyone out, so mom made it illegal to go near there, at least for our towns residents." He explained, taking a pokeball out and releasing beldum. "Beldum will be harder to train, as it only learns one move until it evolves, into metang. Meaning I should get the jump on training it first, while still training Chomp, my main partner." Lucius spoke. He was going to say something, but got cut off by a girl getting his attention.

"Hey! Wanna battle? I just got a new pokemon, and wanna test it out." The girl spoke.

"You can take her on Lucius." Hera spoke, gesturing for him to go on. "Alexis and I can watch, or go train on wild pokemon."

"Y-yeah. Let's go train on wild Pokemon. Catch up with us after, lucius." Alexis spoke.

3 hard hours of training later, and one sudden thunderstorm that lasted 20 minutes

Alexis, Lucius, and Hera met back up in a Clearing in the Route. Their pokemon, had all gotten stronger.

"Anyone else hungry, or just me?" Alexis asked, as her stomach growled rather loudly. "Just realized I hadn't eaten yet."

"Well. We're close to my Gran's house, and closer to Nightvale City. It's about Lunch time at this point. We can go get lunch at a cafe, then take a few hours to relax before going to my Grandma's for the night." Hera offered.

"I got plenty of Money from the trainers I beat, meaning I can pay for lunch." Lucius nodded.

"Yeah. Let's get healed up at the pokemon center, then go get lunch. It's about another six hours or so till dinnertime, so we have plenty of time to kill at like an arcade or something. The one in Nightvale is moderately large. We can do some arcade games, if we havent blown all of our money by lunch." Hera nodded.

"What's an arcade?" Alexis questioned, not realizing she said it out loud.

"Basically, a place where you can pay money to earn tokens and play games. My dad used to own the one in nightvale city, before he sold it to the Mayor of Nightvale after meeting my mom when she joined him for a game of DDR, or rather. Dance, Dance, Revolution." Hera explained without missing a beat, as they headed toward the entrance of Nightvale city.

Once the three arrived in Nightvale city, Alexis's mouth dropped. This was one of the largest places she'd ever seen. (Not that she remembers anywhere larger.) "Woah. It's... massive." Alexis spoke, blinking slightly.

"There are bigger cities. Heck. The Island where we get our fifth gym badge, the entire place is all the city." Hera spoke.

"Ew. Sounds gross." Alexis reflexively spoke.

"Yeah. I personally enjoy places that have variety to them. I've heard Twilight Island is like a maze." Lucius spoke, as they walked into the pokemon center.

"Hi! Welcome to the pokemon center. Let me know if I can do anything for you, please." The Nurse spoke as she walked out from one of the back Rooms.

"Hi! I was wondering if our pokemon could get a quick heal." Lucius spoke.

"Can do! Just put the pokeballs on the tray here, and Blissey can take care of them for you." The nurse spoke as she put the tray on the counter in front of her.

Alexis put her pokeballs in top slots, although she was somewhat hesitant to.

Lucius put his in the middle, seeming a bit relaxed.

Hera put hers in the bottom slots.

"Blissey will bring you your pokeballs personally, after healing your pokemon. She can heal them through their pokeballs, so dont worry about her getting them mixed up. Feel free to have a seat." The nurse spoke, before turning to follow blissey to the back to work on something.

The three teens sat down, and began to converse among each other. "So. Since we're going to be traveling with each other for the foreseeable future. I guess we should get to know one another." Hera spoke, taking her hat off. "Lucius, pass me a drink?" She asked. "Gotta take my meds."

"Ah, yeah, of course." Lucius spoke as he opened his bag, and passed her a water bottle.

"Well... guess the meowth's gotta come out of the bag. I don't remember much of anything. I only know my name." Alexis spoke, rather quietly. She wasn't sure if the two would still be friends with her.

"That's quite okay." Hera spoke, as she took a couple of bottles out of her jacket, and opened the bottles. "We're not gonna look at you any differently, Alexis. Right, Lucius?" She asked, before taking her medication. Her tone had an essence of "Answer correctly, or I'm gonna smack you." to it.

"Yeah, of course." Lucius nodded.

Alexis let out a sigh of relief. "Thanks. I was feeling freaked out, and was trying to figure out how I should explain it." She spoke. "I dont even know where I'm from."

"Gotcha." Hera nodded. "Well, maybe we can make getting your memories back a side endeavor in our journey." She offered, as Blissey came up to their table, with their tray of pokeballs in hand.

"Thank's blissey." Lucius spoke, as the three sorted their pokeballs back among themselves.

"So yeah. We'll try our best to get your memories back." Hera nodded, her sunshine personality sort of showing in the instance.

Lucius nodded in agreement. "Yeah." He nodded. "So. Now that our teams are all healed up, where are we going first?" He asked as he stood up, hooking his pokeballs back onto his belt loop.

"Hm. Food and drink sound good?" Hera asked as she stood up, gesturing for Alexis to follow.

Alexis nodded. "Yeah, sounds fine to me." She spoke as she stood, and followed the others out.

Once the three were outside, Hera opened her map. "Now. If I recall correctly, theres a really good little cafe that doubles as a burger place, just up the street from here." Hera spoke. "I don't know about burgers myself, but I could definitely go for a Chocolate moomoo milkshake and fries." She spoke, as she put her map away, and began to walk right from the pokemon center entry.

Lucius and Alexis exchanged glances, and followed after Hera, who was already a good two feet away.

After a good Twenty minutes of walking, the trio arrived at a rather large building. "Used to come here all the time after school. Don't remember why I stopped." Hera spoke, grabbing the door and opening it.

Alexis and lucius followed her in, exchanging a look as they got greeted. "Hey there, welcome to Cathy's. Today we've got a deal on burger's and shakes. Buy ten dollars worth and get a third set free." The cashier spoke.

"You two get whatever you want, I'll just get a large thing of fries and a chocolate shake." Hera spoke, as she pulled out her wallet to start counting how much money she'd need to set aside for their meal.

After time passed, and the three sat down after ordering their food, a pair of women walked into the Café, looking no older then Hera. The most eye-catching feature the women had among the two of them was the orange haired girl having a mechanical arm. It wasn't audible what the two had ordered, but it didn't seem overly complicated, as it was done before the trio's meal.

The black haired girl who had it tied back and to the side walked up. "Hey, there's not a whole lot of places left to sit. Do you three care if we join you?" She asked. She adjusted her glasses, as she waited for an answer from one of them.

"Of course! We were just stopping in to get lunch ourselves. We just started our own adventure and all." Hera spoke, seeming a little sheepish.

"Ah, yeah. I remember those times." The orange haired girl spoke. "I think you and I started at the same time, right, rey?" She asked her companion.

"Yes, we did. Now, apologies, but we've seemed to have forgotten our manners. I'm Reyna, and this one here is Cassidy." Reyna spoke, nodding slightly.

Hera nodded. "The guy getting our food is Lucius, I'm hera, and I'll let her introduce herself."

"I'm Alexis." Alexis spoke, nodding gently to the two taller girls.

The two girls who had joined them nodded. "Nice to meet you too. You seem a little young to just be starting your adventure." Reyna noted.

"As much as I wish I were younger, I'm glad to be Seventeen." Hera laughed a little. "Means I dont have to see my parents again." She spoke lightly.

Lucius set their tray down on the table. "Hera, who are these two?" Lucius asked as he sorted their stuff among themselves.

"Cassidy and Reyna. They asked to sit with us as there isn't anywhere else that they can really sit." Hera explained.

"Ah. Nice to meet you." Lucius spoke, as he sat down.

Cassidy nodded. "Mind if I ask who you guys chose as starters? I've heard interesting things about this Region's starter selection." She spoke.

"Well. This year was a bit different, and the professor gave us each two starter pokemon." Hera explained.

"Interesting." Reyna noted, writing it down in her notebook after taking a sip from her drink.

"I chose this Region's variant of Piplup, and Larvitar. I'll let these two answer the question themselves." Hera spoke before digging into her food.

"Region's totodile variant, and gible." Alexis quietly spoke after swallowing the bite she had been chewing on. It was clear that she had something on her mind, but nobody could be entirely sure what it was she was thinking about.

"Cyndaquil Variant and Beldum." Lucius nodded.

"Interesting. And what are the types of your regional variants?" Reyna asked, glancing up from her writing.

"Totodile is dark and fairy, according to my pokedex." Alexis nodded.

"Cyndaquil is an Ice and Dragon type here." Lucius spoke.

"And Piplup is just a ghost type." Hera spoke, after swallowing the food she had in her mouth.

"Fascinating. We came to the region on business, mostly because someone called us here for said business." Reyna spoke.

"She still won't tell me, for whatever reason." Cassidy spoke, shrugging lightly as she stretched her legs out.

"Because if I do, you won't shut up about it. You'll find out in about a month's time. We mostly came a month early to get a lay of the region." Reyna spoke.

"Oh. Okay." Cassidy spoke. "Think we may try the gym challenge. Might be worth it after all, now that we're here. Y'know babe?"

"Yeah. Gives us an idea on how tough some of the trainers in this region are." Reyna nodded, as she looked up from her notepad.

"Ah. About that. Nobody's been able to complete the gym challenge in two years at this point." Lucius explained.

"That's a surprise." Cassidy spoke. "Why?"

"The eighth gym leader, Minerva, disappeared two years ago. Nobody knows where she went." Lucius explained, after taking a sip of his drink.

"Fascinating." Cassidy spoke.

Reyna simply nodded, marking something down in her notepad. "Seems interesting. I guess that's why Victory road looked untraversed?" She questioned.

"Yeah. And the league officials have been unable to hire a new leader to replace her, as her gym is sealed shut." Lucius nodded again.

"Oh, interesting." Reyna nodded. "I need to step outside for a moment, make a couple of Phone calls." Reyna spoke, standing up and stepping away from the table.

"Everything okay, babe?" Cassidy asked.

"Yeah. Just gotta make a couple calls correlating to our work here." Reyna nodded, reassuring her girlfriend before she headed outside.

"So. What's with the arm?" Alexis asked, finally deciding to speak up a little. She gestured vaguely to Cassidy's metal arm, before going back to poke at her food.

"Lost my arm in a fight back home. Reyna built this one for me, when she found me bleeding." Cassidy chuckled lightly, adjusting her hoodie. "What sparked the question?"

"It just looks out of place, with the rest of your attire." Hera elaborated, since Alexis had her mouth full.

"Ah, yeah. Had to unscrew it to get through the metal detector to board the boat to get here. That was not a fun experience." Cassidy admitted.

"Yeah, I imagine so." Lucius nodded. "Anyone wanna battle? Just all friendly like?" The teen asked, cleaning up the wrappers from all of their food. "We've still got time to kill."

"Yeah, sure. I'm down." Cassidy spoke, standing up, and collecting her and Reyna's drinks. "I'll meet y'all outside." She spoke as she slipped out.

"So. Those two are eccentric, to say the least." Hera noted as she laughed a little. "You can go battle Cassidy. Think I'm gonna hit the mall with Alexis, if she wants to come along." Hera spoke, as she stood up, finishing her shake.

Alexis nodded, re-wrapping the rest of her burger she still had and stuffing it in her pocket. "I figure we'll meet back up in an hour or two?" Alexis asked, remaining soft-spoken.

Hera nodded. "Here's my number Lucius, in case you need to contact us before we meet at gran's." She spoke, writing her phone number down on the wrapped and passing it to him.

The trio separated on their own paths, to do their own thing for a little while.

Following Alexis and Hera for the next little while. Lucius will pop back in later.

"So, uh. You've been pretty quiet, Alexis." Hera spoke, slipping her hands into her pockets. "Something on your mind?" She asked.

"No, everything's fine. I'm just... I don't know. It feels weird, not being able to remember things. The food was fine, If that's what you're wondering." Alexis spoke, kicking a couple rocks.

"Alright. If you need to talk to someone, you can. Y'know that, right?" Hera spoke, nodding slightly to Alexis. "Also. Is there anything you want, while we're shopping?"

"A cellphone would be nice. I didn't have one, when I woke up in that room." Alexis spoke quietly.

"Alright. Yeah, we can look at those. You can't get most places without one." Hera smiled a bit.

Alexis nodded. "I figured. I've been observing everyone, and it seems like theyve become an intricate part of everyone's lives." She spoke, looking up at her friend.

"Yeah, it's interesting." She spoke, as they walked into the Mall. "Here we are. The Nightvale Mall. I used to come here a lot. Stopped when my friends moved away." Hera shrugged. "I'm thinking we should get you a couple more outfits, because as nice as your current outfit is, it's kind of out of place seeming." Hera explained.

"Yeah. That'll be fine. I'm keeping this jacket though, to go with any outfits we get." Alexis spoke.

"Yeah. The Jacket's fine." Hera spoke, as she and Alexis walked. "Anywhere you wanna go first?" She asked.

Alexis nodded. "Uh... hm. We could go look at the books first. I think having some reading material would be nice." She spoke.

Hera nodded. "Then off to the bookshop it is." She spoke, as she helped Alexis Navigate to the bookstore on the second floor.

The two girls walked into the Bookstore, which was Relatively empty, outside of a cashier and a couple of elderly people sitting down somewhere near the back, in a couple or chairs. "Get whatever strikes your fancy. We've got a budget about Nineteen thousand, to spend here at the mall." Hera spoke.

Alexis nodded. She really didn't have any idea where to start. After all, she didn't even know if she had a favorite genre. After about fifteen minutes of wandering the store, Alexis had picked up a few mystery novels that caught her eye. "Hey Hera. Found a few books that looked interesting."

"Oh?" Hera asked, walking over to Alexis, to see what Alexis had found.

"Yeah. Just a few mystery novels that caught my attention." Alexis spoke. "Think we should probably get the phone next, then save the outfit shopping for last." Alexis nodded as she and Hera went up to the register to pay for the books she picked out.

"Sounds good to me." Hera spoke, keeping her hands in her pockets as the cashier scanned the books, taking out her wallet when it was time.

After Hera paid for the books, Alexis took the bag that the books were put in, and held it in her left hand as the two girls walked out, and headed for the next shop.

After a while of the two shopping, Hera's phone buzzed, with a text from Lucius, asking where the two were.

Hera shot him a text back, stating that they were leaving the mall right as he texted, and were on their way.

The two girls walked through Nightvale city, eventually arriving at a house, with lucius standing outside, and Cassidy having a smoke nearby. "Hey kiddos. Lucius wanted me to come with him after the battles, as he had questions. Now that you two are here, ima dip out. Maybe we'll run into each other some other time." Cassidy spoke, not giving the two time to answer, as she left.

"...that was weird." Hera spoke. "Oh well. She's probably right, that we'll run into her and her girlfriend again." She shrugged, as she walked up the steps to the front door, and unlocked it. "Gran! I'm home!" She called.

"Hey Hera, welcome home!" Hera's grandma called back from the kitchen. "Are your friends with you?" She asked.

"Yeah! Lucius, Alexis. You two, come on in." Hera gestured.

Alexis was the last to enter, and closed the door behind her. "Thank you for having us, I think." She spoke, nodding gently.

"Mhm! I figured I should feed you three before you go off on an adventure around the Islands." Gran spoke, as she was chopping onions.

"Thanks, really." Lucius spoke, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck.

"I'm making sausage and mac and cheese, with sauteed onions." Her grandmother nodded. "Do any of you wanna help?" She asked.

"Yeah." Alexis spoke. "I may not be of much help, though." She spoke, putting her bags down, and heading to the kitchen.

TBC in another post, because tumblr decided it was too long.

[neonheartemojis]

new scales

they dont even work properly and are all over the place. I cant even keep track of how much i weigh as nothing i can rely on.

i feel like everything's been ripped away from me.

i moved out last month and now after him leaving me im ready to go back home coz i dont feel comfortable anywhere. my friends i moved with are loud and have their own way of living and so im just here and feel like a guest. im gonna go home and re set. i need a space where when i need to be up for work at 6am they dont stay up yelling loudly with 8 friends over till3 am. i haven anxiety and need my quiet and sleep and they dont respect that. i cant live somewhere where i am not respected

i feel so fucking alone and cant even rely on scales. i dont even know what i actually weigh.

apparently today im 51.55 or 51.35 so a few kg down this week. it happened saturday morning so i havent eaten since friday night and its now monday. ive only had maybe 3 bites of food to be bale to have nurofen.

but now if i eat my stomach hates me and makes me sick.

he will not ruin me. i just dont deal well with breakups and feeling so empty after giving someone my all and they throw me away. it fkn hurts no matter how lazy and selfish and terrible they were. he never made any effort or ever asked to see me or made any dates..it was all me. i was so dumb but i cant help it when they lie to your face and verbally confirm with you that everythings ok because youve been lied to in the past and need to ask if theyre happy and ok with everything and they say yes and smile to your face and tell you they love everything you do then turn around 2 days later and say actually no. fucks with my trust. 

like now do i just assume everyone's lying. i dont like doubting people but its hard when so many have lied to your face and broken up with you out of the blue.

he was a selfish, lazy coward. couldn't even end it just left it open for me to end. thank god i got that. 

he will not take anymore from me. im exhausted. no more.

time for me to be selfish. time to make sure i get wat i want. and stop at nothing to get it.

[arthurflecksgirl]

Darkness caving in *A look into ARTHUR FLECKs journal

I wrote something darker today. Its a short story which contains Arthurs writing.

Disclaimer: Suicidal thoughts & attent ,mental illness

Arthur was sitting at the table in the corner of his dark apartment. The smoke of his half gone cigarette filled the dark room. Only the dim blue lights from the kitchen made it possible to see something.

Arthur inhaled the smoke as he turned the desk light on.

Almost empty bottles of serveral different medication lying between an ashtray and his wrecked journal.

He was topless, in his pj pants and started to get cold. But he didnt had the time to get a shirt. There was no time to waste.

He had to get all of these thoughts out of himself. On the paper. Maybe then they would leave him at peace. At least for the rest of the night.

His therapist recommented it to him. Writing a journal. So he did. He wasnt sure if it helped in any way but it was easier tokeep all his jokes together this way, so he kinda started to appriciate it.

Dr Kane never really read the words he had written. She told him she would but her eyes always skipped the most important parts. She just looked over it. No real interest.

Althought the content of his diary was pretty personal, he wished someone would read it. Not only skipping though the pages.

The thought of someone paying attention to his words made made him feel warm inside. He wanted to be heard. he wanted to be listened to. Even if some of the stuff would be truly embarrassing. It would be worth it.

He was always alone with his thoughts. So alone that it felt like his own mind was attacking him sometimes. It just wouldnt leave him alone.

Every night, when he was lying on the couch, staring at the ceiling, darkness was caving in, coming closer. Smothering him. Not only the darkness of the room. But the darkness inside of him. It grew within him like a creature of its own. Like something he lost control over it. Day by day.

The seven different medications he took should keep the darkness from taking him in compleately. But he wasnt sure for how long this would work out anymore.

Last night he felt hands all over him.

Not hands of a beautiful girl, like he wished for.

Shapeless hands, darkness itself.

It made him shiver under his blankets and he closed his eyes and tried to imagin something that would bring him back to a better state of mind.

Your hands.

Soft and warm.

The hands of the girl that just moved in across the street.

He could see though your window when he stood behind the curtains in his kitchen.

He watched you serveral times now. When you changed your clothes. You were so beautiful. He thought about you a lot when he felt the hole in his lonely heart.

It was your hands he imagined as he shivered at night.

He has never been touched by loving hands before.

Never been hugged by anyone exept his mother.

All he ever wished for was someone to hold him at night.

Someone to keep the shapeless , grabbing hands of darkness away from his fragile body.

And your hands seemed just right for it.

He saw them when you opened and closed the window.

But deep down he knew it was only a dream to feel them across his face.

To feel them in his hair, after you kissed passionately.

It was only daydreams. Hallucinations, visions even like Dr Kane claimed.

Arthur put the cigatette down in the ashtray and started writing:

"Today I woke up and wanted to die. I don`t even know why. It was just a gut feeling that has been growing inside of me over the years. I can feel it every day. Its sitting right there on my shoulders when I take a walk outside. Its is sitting beside me when I am on the subway. Its watching me with his ugly eyes when I make dinner for my mum. Its always there,its arms tight around my feet, kicking and screaming for me to give in.

It wants me to give in. I just know it. Any maybe I should.

But then I start hearing other voices again.

Soft whispers of a girl, her breath hot against my ear. She tells me she loves me and convinces me that everything is going to be okay.

I know she isnt real but it still holds me back from doing what I should.

I mean...she is real actually. She lives across my street but she has not noticed me yet. I guess she never will. No one ever does. Not even my mother. She just keeps on talking about Thomas Wayne, thats all she seemed to be interested in. But she is in a bad condition and I guess its okay. I don`t wanna be another burden she has to carry. I guess she would be better off without me. Another reason why I should quit.

I should be used of being lonely. But its something I never get used to. It gets harder every day actually. It gets harder with age. I turn 36 soon and I feel even more miserable than ever before. I should end it. I should really end it all.

Lets be honest. The girl across my street will never even look me in the eyes. She might see me leaving the house some day, but she will just walk on by, like I wasnt even there.

Would she walk over me if I would lie there on the sidewalk?

No I guess she wouldnt. She looks very nice and caring.

Maybe she would help me get back up if I was lucky.

But thats it.

The touch of her hand helping me up would be the only chance to ever feel her soft skin on mine.

Maybe I should go out and threw myself on the street.

Hoping that she will see me from her window, before I will get hit by a tuck.

Or even better. maybe I should get hit by a fucking truck and she will see the bloody mess when she is about to go out to buy some food.

She would see me lying there and would get to me in a hurry.Trying to wake me. It would be too late but I guess she would shed a tear over me.

I know she doesnt even know who I am but she looks like someone who would shed a tear over a dead stranger, lying in front of her house.

And her empathy , her salty  tear falling upon my bloody forehead would be worth it.

Anyway.... yesterday I couldnt even distrakt myself by daydreaming about her.

So I wanted to give it a tray and made myself a hot bath.

I waited till Penny was asleep.

I even checked twice if she was.

I mixed her dinner with some of my sleeping pills, to make sure she won`t wake up and use the bathroom while I was trying to kill myself.

I couldnt handle the thought of her seeing this.

It would look like I am asleep when she finds me in the morning, so this should be okay.

I didnt wanted to break her heart but as I said, she is better off without me. Everyone is.

I can`t connect to other people. I tried it all my life but it just won`t happen.

I try to make them laugh, tell them jokes, bring them flowers,...

But it never works.

So why try over and over again?

I am just sick of this.

And a bathtub full of hot water would do its duty.

So... I tip toed to the bathroom, shut the door quietly and got rid of my clothes.

A last look into the mirror.

My skinny  body is starting to freeze. The room is cold.

My ribs are popping out where my skin is bruised all over.

They kicked the shit out of me a week ago.

The good thing is... it won`t happen again.

My fingers wandered across my hollow belly.

I havent eaten for days.

I looked fragile.

How could the girl ever love a man looking like this?

I bet she gets laid with some kind of buff guy, with stong arms.

Its hard to look at my own reflection.

Green eyes starred back at me.

Kinda intense.

I expected them to look empty.

They didn`t.

The look I gave myself scared me in a way.

Like my very own eyes are asked me what the fuck am I doing here.

That I shoud turn off the water and get back to sleep.

But sleep would not happen.

Only shapeless , cold hands again.

Black shadowns against my pale skin.

The only sleep I could ever find is right there...

I looked at the bathtub, which I could also see in the mirror. It was almost filled now.

It was time.

The last look I dedicated to the scar on my upper lip.

My cheekbones.

My brown, sweaty hair.

Bye Arthur Fleck.

I turned around and  put my right foot into the water. It was painfully hot.

Pain is good. I wanted to feel something.

The left foot followed, so as the rest of my bony body.

I layed down.

The hot water like an embrace.

The warm embrace I never experienced with another person.

With the girl I love.

It felt like a thousand hands loving me all at once.

"Love me" I whispered into the dark bathroom.

I took a close look at my own hands.

I think I never looked at them closely before.

They were destined to touch someones body.

To hold someones face between them. Gently. While kissing the one that lets me love her.

But i just couldnt make it happen.

I`m a freaking looner.

Nothing more than that.

A freak maybe. First of all a freak.

A silent whimper escaped my lips right before I let my head sunk under the water.

The feeling of being under water gave me comfort.

Even more comfort than crawling into the fridge.

Its like being locked up.

The outside world cant hurt you anymore.

Thats why I actually liked being at Arkham.

A cage can be comforting.

But you don`t need a cage anymore, after you left your body.

I would be free soon.

I felt the urge to get up.

Now comes the hardest part I thought.

I felt the pressure in my lungs.

But I would`t get up.

I wanted it to end.

My ears shut. So as the voices in my head. It became quiet now.

So quiet.

Is this what peace feels like?

My chest started to hurt

And as the burning sets in I heard her voice calling me.

"Arthur, come back!"

No, I wont listen to another hallucination again.

"Arthur, please! I need you to notice me"

I know how it feels like to remain unnoticed.

Bubbles coming out of my mouth.

"What if I could actually love you, Artie? What if I would hold you in my arms forever and I can`t cuz you had to kill yourself first?"

Sounds convincing. I had to admit.

"What if I was just as lonely as you and we are meant for each other?"

What if actually?

The burning gets worse. My lungs feel like they are about to burst.

More bubbles.

I open my eyes underwater.

And there she was.

I saw her beautiful shape standing in fron of the bathtub. Her arms streched out for me.

My vision was blurry but I still saw that she looked WORRIED.

Because of me.

I could tell she was about to cry.

The tear came into my mind.

The tear falling upon my bloody forehead.

The one I couldnt  have felt anymore.

Whats the point of a tear you cant feel anymore?

The point of being loved when you never knew you were loved?

What if there is the slightest chance that someone sees me?

I felt her arms grabbing me, lifting my tiney body out of the bathtub.

I was gasping for air, coughing.

Her face above me as I lay on the cold floor.

"You`re cold,Arthur" she smiled in the cutest way and covered my shaking body with a bathrobe, stroking my wet hair out of my face.

"You`re beautiful" I whispered with shaking lips.

"So as you, Arthur. I`m glad you?re back!"

"You are?"

Silence.

Black out.

I woke up naked on the bathroom floor.

No bathrobe to protect me from the cold.

The bathtub still full of water.

I felt weak while I stood up. My skinny legs unstable.

Then I started to remember it again.

I wanted to end me.

But there was this girl.... the girl from across the street.

She...

I guess it was just another vision i had.

I put my underwear  and PJ pants back on, walking into the kitchen, made some coffee. Light a cigarette and watched out the window.

Same old world.

But then... the girl just left the house.

I dont know why but I headed out of the house in a sec, still in my PJ.

I stood across the street and watched her.

She looked like an angel.

So soft and beautiful.

There was something about her smile.

"Sir?" my heart skipped a beat as I realized she was looking at me.

"Sir, can I ask you something?" she walked towards me, bright eyes.

"Y....yes sure?!" I mumbled.

"I dont know if you are aware but I just moved in some weeks ago and I dont know anyone here in the neighborhood..." she seemed kinda shy, which i really liked.

"I dont usually do this... its kinda embarrassing" she laughed.

"No...no...its okay... what is it?"

"Well... I was watching you for quite a time now...." she was looking at the ground, then back into my eyes  "And... well... I´d love to get to know you better. I was dreaming about you yesterday.... oh god I shouldnt have said that.... I am so sorry.... but I couldnt get you out of my mind ever since." she blushed.

"Are you....serious?"

She smiled "Yeeahhh. Oh yes I am. I just wondered if you would go out on a date with me. there I said it"

She offered me her hand  "I am Y/N"

"I`m Arthur"

I touched her hand.

Her hand !

Skin on skin.

I felt a tear running down my cheek.

A tear I could still feel.

Just like her hand.

"Arthur? Are you crying?"

I sqeezed her hand and felt happiness for the first time in my life.

"Oh Y/N .... Don´t you worry about that!"

THE END

[hypmicscenarios]

Chance Meeting (3)

A/N: I know I said 3 parts but I dont know how to control myself so four! again, 3rd part is also on AO3.

Eventually, your one hour was up with the dogs. It had went by so quickly! You looked down at yourself and then at Riou, chuckling. You had been here way too many times, so you were prepared. When you guys walked out,you dug in your bag and pulled out a lint roller. You smiled as you held it out in front of you,”here you go, I knew this was going to happen,”you said. Riou took it, getting all the hair off, then handing it to you. Once you guys looked clean again, you placed it in your bag.

“Ah, we can go to a cafe,”you said, starting to walk. “Its a nice place and the waiters are very friendly there,”you said. Seconds later, you heard a bell. Before you could react to what was most likely a bike trying to get through, you felt a hand around your shoulder, being pulled next to Riou. Your eyes landed on the bike that had zoomed by, but you were more focused on his touch. “Oh, thank you,”you said, offering a small smile as he moved his hand away. “Its my duty”, he replied. Then, he moved to the other side of you. Him being too considerate wasn’t helping the love you had already held for him. It may have just been his natural instincts...but you were falling for them. You were weak and you figured you should stop yourself before you fell too in love and he didnt reciprocate your feelings back.

Riou rarely went out to any cafes or restaurants. He considered himself an acceptable cook, so he made all of his meals, coffee, tea, everything. To be honest, he had never eaten at a restaurant after he became Ex-navy. He certainly hadn’t expected that his first time coming here again would be with L/N. When they arrived and sat down, his eyes just stared at the menu.

“Do you need help? Youre looking at it like its some difficult math problem,”you said, seeing the way his eyebrows only went lower and lower as he stared. He answered back,”I make everything myself...so I havent been to a restaurant or anything of the sort in years. Dice tries to make me, but I offer to make his favorite dish, then he forgets about it.” This caused you to chuckle,”oh, I see. I guess they didn’t have restaurants on a ship. But sometimes I think you should take a break from cooking your meals everyday. But I suppose the whole purpose of it is more to spend and enjoy time with someone, than to merely go and eat food.”

Riou blinked and asked a question bluntly,”so you’re enjoying your time with me?” This caught you off guard but you replied with a smile,”well, yes. This is me paying you back for saving me, but I completely forgot about that, Im just having a lot of fun.”

“With me?”,Riou asked, simply for clarification, but it made you laugh again. “Am I with anyone else right now? Of course its with you,”you responded. Even if he was like this, you still loved this part, you loved every part of him that you’ve encountered so far.

Riou didn’t know exactly how to take that. Even in the navy, everyone always praised him for being a good soldier, doing things to perfection. He did hangout with his other mates and it was a fun time, although he never drunk too much. However, hearing it was fun to just hangout with him, was something that Riou hadn’t heard in a while, except the occasional comment from Dice.

“What would recommend from here then?”,Riou asked. You smiled and said that you would just order for the both of you, first asking if he was allergic or extremely disliked anything. He wasn’t and the things in the meal didn’t match up with his dislikes.

You spoke,”I also come here a lot and I get stamps. Today will complete another card and that means the second person’s meal is free. Everything seemed to match up perfectly, dont you think?”

Riou nodded in agreement.

The food soon arrived and you did your best to try to keep the conversation alive and going. Of course, they were some silent moments between the two of you, but they weren’t bad. In fact, you feel quite comfortable during the silence when you two just focused on your food. Your smile didnt seem to fade. Maybe it was because you felt so safe around him. He wasn’t a man of many words, but you could tell he listened intently to some of your stories.

“Yeah, one time my dog was trying to chase a bird out the window, but he hit himself, so I had to hold him like a baby and kiss his head. He’s really too spoiled,”you said. You looked at him for his response and you only smiled wide when Riou put on a small smile and spoke,”I think it just shows that you’re a very kind owner, he should be very lucky.” You blushed and looked down,”yes...he should.”

The waiter soon returned with your checks and you guys were free to go as soon as you pleased. You both got up and started to walk away. Digging in your bag, you pulled out some perfume. “Ah, this is for my dog. He tends to get upset if he smells other dogs on me, so I use this to get the scent off.” Riou nodded,”that makes sense. You cant bring him to the cafes?”

“No. I did try asking once but they said no, for valid reasons of course. And while he is super cute. I dont know...hmm...I guess I just want to give all the dogs my love! I think I have magic hands, they love my rubs,”you said as you held your hands out and laughed. “You do?”,Riou asked.

Without thinking, you moved your hand up and ruffled his hair, then pulling it away,”O-oh sorry...I was just trying to demonstrate,”you said, hoping he wouldn’t be too troubled. Riou turned his head away from yours and spoke,”its fine. You do. Have magic hands, that is.” He said. Just why was he getting flustered like this? No, he wasn’t a dog, so he shouldn’t have felt anything from that, but he did.It was all too confusing and he thought about it until they arrived at their place.

“Oh, thank you for today. I know you didn’t have to come and maybe you didn’t want to, but Im glad you did. I had a lot of fun. I hope you did too,”you said with a smile, standing outside your door.

“To be quite honest I was hesitant on coming. I dont normally go out. But you shouldn’t worry, I think I enjoyed myself, or no, I did,”he said, nodding, and quickly heading into his apartment because he didn’t know what to say. Did he have to think about it? No, he knew that he liked his time spent with them….he just wasn’t used to this feeling of enjoyment. Each day, he had only been living through the motions, same routine, not breaking it, because that's what it was like in the navy. Today, he broke out of that routine, and he was quite scared about how good it felt to break his routine.

You closed your door and smiled as you picked up your dog, twirling him around, telling him about your day,”it was so great and I didn’t think we talked that much but we did! Do you know he cooks? Thats amazing, the only thing I can cook decently is ramen and curry you know this.he even smiled! He….aaaa…”,you squealed silently and fell on your couch, chuckling as your dog, who probably didn’t understand a word you said, was just happily licking your cheek. “I missed you too you fluffy goofball,Mwah!”,you said, kissing the top of his head. The rest of the night, all you could think about was him. And the smile never left your face.

For the next few days, Riou could not keep you out of his thoughts. It also didn’t help that he had told Dice about his outing with you, because the other wouldn’t have stopped pestering him. The one statement that he kept recalling was Dice saying,”If they asked you out again, would you go?” And the answer to that was almost yes, before it turned into a maybe. Its not that he enjoyed….well he at least wouldn't admit it...but it wasn’t a horrible time. He didn’t feel the need or pressure to keep a conversation. Although they didn't say it, he could tell that they didn’t mind the silence either. It was just….comfortable. The whole day was comfortable.

The next time he saw you was at the grocery store again. He saw your eyes peer into his basket and then you posed a question about his meal that day. “I was just thinking of making some spaghetti. Nothing too fancy.”,he responded. At least, he thought it was, but you made it seem like he was a chef.

“Spaghetti?? That's amazing. I dont even think I could cook that. I think the only noodles I can cook to perfection are these,”you said, holding up your basket filled with ramen noodles. Riou stared at it and asked a question,”is that usually what your meals consist of?” You thought for a moment,”well...no. I can also make curry. Sometimes I cook some chicken and just have chicken and rice….otherwise its microwaved meals or going out to eat.”

Riou became a bit concerned that no vegetables were mentioned. “If you dont mind, you can eat some of my spaghetti. I usually end up making it for two, but I just save it.” This is what you definitely heard, but your mind switched the words around,”so like, eating it at your place or?”, you said. His eyes went wider and you could tell thats probably not what he meant…”o-or I dont have to go over-”

“Its fine. You can come over.” he said, without even thinking about it. What did he just say? Invited them over? No, it wasn’t what he had in my mind at first, but once they said it, he just went along. Besides, it was in his nature to feed people and teach them how to eat healthily. That was all. Or, thats what he tried to convince himself. Nothing more, nothing less. Though, his excitement would definitely show later on with the amount of care he put into making this regular old dish.

You, on the other hand, were freaking out on the inside. A smile came upon your face as you spoke,”so...I suppose you can just knock on my door when its ready?”, you proposed. Riou nodded,”yes, I can do that. Dont make your ramen. Although, later on, I can teach you how make such a meal even healthier if thats what you must rely on.”

A small giggle came out of your mouth,”enhance ramen? I would definitely love to know how. Then, I’ll see you later, have to go walk my dog and feed my dog.I’ll look forward to it,”you said and waved him off, Riou simply waving back, then putting his hand down, his palm up, now looking at it. A small smile came on his face as his hand curled up into a fist. Why was excited? Another person to try his cooking? Well, he had to built up his reputation a bit with his cooking, so he needed to make this good to fit their expectations of his cooking, and he would do exactly that.

“Paw, give me paw,”you said as you sat on the couch, treats in your hands. When your dog gave you his paw, you smiled and gave him a treat,”good boy,” you praised and kept doing this until you heard a knock at the door, your corgi going to bark at it. You opened the door and saw Riou standing there, your dog sprinting through your legs and jumping on him.

“Oh my, Im sorry, he gets excited when he sees friendly faces again,”you said with a chuckle. Riou shook his head,”its fine,”he said, bending down and picking him up. Riou let him lick his face a couple times before he held him away from his face,”nice to see you again too.” You smiled and held your hands out,”I’ll take this little bugger from your hands,”you said, placing him down on the ground. “I’ll be back soon baby, dont wreck the place,”you said, as your dog looked at you confused.

You didn’t really put any makeup on….okay maybe you put on a bit of foundation. The dark circle curse was always on you and never went away, so you had to do something about it. Honestly, you were a bit nervous going over to his place. You knew you were going there and most likely going to get exactly what you expected. But. It didn’t hurt to fantasize a bit.Maybe you guys could get a bit closer. You were entering someone’s home after all. That was kind of a big deal. It meant the person trusted you.

Riou’s place was already tidied up, so he didn’t really need to do much. He only focused on the meal, which was already finished and set up on the table. He opened his door and held his hand out, letting you in,”the food is on the table, you can sit in one of the chairs.” You looked in and bowed your head slightly,”thank you for letting me into your home,”you said, then walked in, looking around as you took off your shoes. His was….way more neat than yours. And, it was quite simple.  There weren’t many decorations, except some picture frames spread around, a plant or two.

Finally, you walked to his table and your eyes shimmered at the sight and smell. It already looked incredibly delicious,”woah...you made all of this?”, you said, mostly in a surprised rhetorical way, but he responded with,”yes, I did.” You chuckled,”Im excited to try it. Definitely ten times better than the ramen I would have made,”you finished and finally sat down. Riou, however, grabbed your empty plate and placed the noodles, along with the sauce and meatballs on top of it.

The meal was absolutely delicious. You told him that plenty of times over dinner. Riou didn’t know how to handle so many compliments at once. And you were the one keeping up the whole conversation that he eventually felt like he wasn’t contributing enough. Only once did he ever try to have a romantic relationship with someone, but they said despite his looks, he was just dull and boring.

“L/N-san, you…..you dont feel troubled that you’re the one talking so much?”, he said, caving into an insecurity he had thought buried deep down inside of him. Your answer though went far beyond his expectations. You had remember him saying something similar, but you still spoke from your heart, a smile on your face,”what do you mean? Its not like Im talking to a rock. You comment when you feel like it, I can tell your actively listening and not zoning out, even if we didnt talk, your presence is quite comforting, and this food warms my heart, I can tell you put your feelings into it. I dont think a rock could do any of that,”you said with a chuckle.

His eyes went wide and then he smiled a bit, chuckling,”youre quite interesting.” You were taken aback by his smile yet again. It was absolutely precious to you, but you responded,”me? Interesting? Im not the one whose ex-navy and probably has a bunch of badges in his honor. Or can cook like Gordon Ramsey. Or whose as kind to feed the homeless when they need it. You underestimate yourself.”

Riou’s smile faded, but there was still that gleam in his eyes,”thank you for that. Dinner is over, did you want to leave?”,he asked. Some small part of him wanted to continue the conversation...but he didn’t want to keep you. You didn’t want to go as well.

“Do you have any Sake?”

Be bold or Go home.

[rekindled-hearth]

3 4 5 7 10 11 13 15 18 21 23 24 25 26 28 30 32 33 35 43 45 46 49 50 51 54 57 58 59 63 65 66 70 71 72 73 74 76 77 78 87 88 89 90 91 92 100 105 107 108 112 113 120 122 125 130 140 141 145 146 150 (this is a lot sorry)

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? Every week day I look forward to 1430 because thats when my best friend gets online and I get to talk to them until I go to bed

4. Are you easy to get along with? Yes.

5. If you were under the influence would the person you like take care of you? Yep.

7. Do you think you'll be in a relationship 2 months from now? Pass

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Same as threee

11. What does the most recent text you sent say? "Not a catholic ceremony thank the gods"

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? ....so much

15. What good thing happened this summer? My summer job turned out to be awesome

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? Yeah she actually works in the same department as me funnily enough

21. What are your bad habits? I dont eat properly

23. Do you have trust issues? Yes. Thank you family.

24. Favourite part of your daily routine? 3

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? *gestures to all of me*

26. What do you do when you wake up? Turn on music.

28. Who are you most comfortable around? Can you guess it? Same as 3

30. Do you ever want to be married? It's a possibility

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? Uh. Well. Um.caradelevigneandchrisevans

33. Spell your name with your chin. bfml ihuh c

35. Would you rather live without tv or music? TV

43. Do you smile at strangers? On occasion.

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? I have to go to work.

46. What are you paranoid about? All my friends actually hate me but are too nice to tell me so I'm just ruining eberything for everyone.

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope no one finds out? Yep

50. What was the color of the last hoodie you wore? Grey.

51. Ever wished you were someone else? Yes

54. Favourite store? The LEGO store

57. Favourite food? Ice cream

58. Last thing you ate? Mashed potatoes

59. First thing you ate this morning? It's 5am I havent eaten yet

63. Ever been in love? Pass

65. Are you hungry right now? Yep

66. Do you like your tumblr feiends better than irl friends? Yep

70. Names of your bestfriends? Winter

71. Craving something? What? Yes. A panini

72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 3

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? Yes

74. How many stuffed animals do you have? I have a big box full, I have two on my bed.

76. What color is your underwear? Black

77. Chocolate or vanilla? Chocolate candy, vanilla ice cream.

78. Favorite ice cream flavour? Pineapple upside down cake

87. First person you talked to today? Winter

88. Last person you talked to today? Day's not done.

89. Name a person you hate? Do 't really hate anyone.

90. Name a person you love? Can you guess?

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face? Yes

92. Are you in a fight with someone? No

100. How are you feeling? Tired

105. Ever been to a bonfire? Yeah

107. Have you ever been on a horse? Yes

108. What should you be doing? Getting ready to go to church with my parents.

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? Myself

113. What was your childhood nickname? Pass

120. Are you afraid of the dark? Yes

122. Is cheating ever okay? If you mean in relationships, no, if you mean in school/other stuff, yes.

125. Do you believe in true love? Yes

130. Do you like subway? Eh. Jimmy Johns is better.

140. Summer or winter? Weather wise summer. But I'm partial to winter.

141. Night or day? Day

145. Tea or coffee? Tea

146. Was today a good day? Yesterday was decent, to early to tell for today.

150. Get the closest book next to you, page 42, line 1? That last collision drove the air clean out of Eragon's lungs.

[vore-scientist]

Negotiating with Giants: A Love Story

(This is a GT story, no vore, but mind the content warnings. it’s also more of a lore dump adventure, but it includes a love story in there somewhere) 

This crazy adventure tells the tale of how Emmett (a human fire witch) meets and falls in love with Maya (a giant, ranger). And what an adventure it is! It’s got magic, it’s got dragons, it’s got schemes made by evil wizards! I pulled out all the stops!

Content warnings/description: This story contains no sexual content! The pair is F/m, but i wouldn’t label it as “giantess”.  Especially since there are a lot of giants in this story. While this story doesn’t contain any proper vore it does mention the evil wizards being eaten a few times, fatally. And by mention i mean “the wizard was eaten”. This makes it less vore-ish than the actual Enchanted Forest Chronicles, which is the children’s fantasy book series that I base the world of Mystic Woods on. And it’s only evil people, so they deserved it. 

(you do not need to know who Emmett, Maya, or their son Yonah are to read this, they are my OCs!) 

.

.

This is not a story that will have a surprise ending, only a surprising journey to get there.

It was your average day in the Ha’Esh household, located in a average village on the outskirts of the Blue Woods Tribe (your average Mountain Giant Tribe)’s territory. And the day would continue to be average, the family left undisturbed, the world around them still intact.

---

For all these things that were average, the Ha’Esh family itself was not one of them. There were three members, a mother, a father, and a son. The mother, Maya, was a giant. Not out of the ordinary for someone who is a member of a tribe of giants. The father, Emmett, however, was a fire witch. Not everyone in the tribe was a giant, but it’s rare for non-giant members to form family units with the giant ones. Their union meant their son, Yonah, was half giant and half fire witch. Though if one were more accurate, Yonah was closer to half human, having inherited little of his father’s fire witch traits.

At the time of this story, Yonah is 10 years old, and in a curious mood.

He had gotten up early, made his bed, and headed outside to collect eggs from the dire-ostritch s. Meant to be kept by True Giants, these birds were large for a half giant, and at his age, their heads were at his chest. But he was their friend, and they clucked as he entered the coop, bucket of feed over his head. It was cushioned upon his mass of curly, ink black hair.

“Alright you ostriches, who's hungry?” he cried, as if to pump up a crowd at a rock concert.

They all backawed loudly, and pavlovianly. Yonah stepped aside as they all hopped out of their nesting spots to run outside. Once everyone was out, Yonah stood in the doorway, and looked down the ramp at all the ostrich s looking back at him.

3

2

1

He thrust forward to launch the contents of the bucket outward and pandemonium ensued. Yonah used a bit of simple magic to create small gusts of wind to carry the feed all over the paddock, so the ostriches went in all directions. The thing is, they go after the first piece of feed they see, not the one easiest to get to, and they were running into each other, bouncing off each other’s plump plumage. Some would fall over and act as if it was the end of the world for all of 3 seconds before spotting another piece of food and forgetting their plight

Quickly, yonah switched the bucket for a basket and ducked back inside the coup. Dire-ostritches, even domesticated ones, don’t lay every day, usually once every week or so, which Yonah was thankful for. The amount each day was usually about the amount he could safely carry without breaking the eggs or dropping the basket.

By then the ostriches were pecking at the remains of their meal, and Yonah shepherded them back into the coup, attracting them with a treat, mainly old dried fruits and fairly old jerky that would have had to been thrown away. Basket on his head, empty bucket in his hand, he headed back inside the house.

“Ah, Yonah, you are up early today!” his mother exclaimed as he entered the kitchen and handed off the eggs to her. He barely came up to her knees. She placed the basket on the kitchen counter and picked up her son, placing him next to the basket.

This was of course, Maya, Yonah’s mother. Just over 40ft tall, skin a nice grey-ish blue, strongly built, and absolutely no hair on her head. Giants don’t have much body hair, at least, not anywhere normally visible to the public eye. They do have large pointed ears. Yonah inherited the large ears, but they weren’t pointed.

“I don’t have breakfast ready yet, but you are welcome to keep me company” she said. She pointed to the cauldron in the fireplace, which was boiling steadily with a sweet smelling porridge.

Then a large BOOM was heard outside, though far away. Maya sighed, Yonah laughed softly.

“Never mind that, could you go check on your father, make sure he hasn’t blown himself up?”

Yonah hopped off the counter and went to go find his dad. He had a work area on the side of the house opposite from the ostrich's, so as not to scare them, or end up as collateral damage. It was also where his father’s garden was, again, away from the ostriches. There was no telling what could happen if they ate any of the magical plants. This boom however, did not come from so close by, his father must be out in the forest this time.

The second BOOM provided Yonah with a direction, and he ran towards it. He didn’t smell any smoke, which meant his father wasn’t setting the forest on fire.

When he found his father, he was unconscious, next to a large boulder, that felt like faint sparkles were coming off. The remnants of a magic spell.

“Dad!” Yonah cried out, running to his dad’s side, and sitting him up. His skin was very hot, he had just produced a lot of magic.

Emmett stirred and looked up at his son, and smiled. Yonah breathed a sigh of relief. His dad was ok.

“What happened?” Yonah asked.

“‘What happened’? No, ‘are you ok?’ or ‘i’m glad you’re still alive’?” Emmett sneered.

Yonah rolled his eyes, “You’re obviously fine,” he said, still holding his father up.

“Well, I’ll be fine, I just overdid it, a bit,” he said, coughing hard.

“Can you walk on your own?” Yonah asked.

Emmett tried to stand up, but was very unsteady, “I think my boy, that you will have to carry your old man back. Sorry.”

“Only if you tell me what you were doing.” said Yonah.

“Deal,” Emmett was going to tell him anyways, he always did.

Yonah picked up his father’s limp form and place him on his shoulders. Emmett was strong enough to hold on, as long as Yonah held his legs.

“I’ve been working on a teleportation spell,” said Emmett, as they headed back.

“But you already know how to teleport!” said Yonah. He’d seen his father do it, bursting into flames and vanishing, only to reappear within a week, after he had completed whatever he had gone off to do.

“That is correct, but this is to teleport your mother,” he said, “Teleportation of one’s self is relatively easy for a fire witch, it’s mostly verbal and pushing my own magic into the goal. However, teleportation for regular people is difficult, it involves a lot of set up. Marking up the ground with magic to form your transport matrix. Teleporting others with you needs more magic, more prep, to compensate for the area the spell is going to effect and, and the number of bodies. If the other person is over 40 feet tall, the design needs to be altered almost entirely. I was practicing on that boulder. I had no trouble teleporting it away, and myself with it, but it still took a lot out of me. More than I realized. When I teleported it back, I, well you know, you found me shortly after.”

With his son’s interest in magic, Emmett never tried to simplify explanations.

“You passed out from exhaustion!” said Yonah. It didn’t happen often, fire witches were veritable fonts of magical energy. This must be one big spell.

“Exactly,”

However, Not everything made sense to Yonah, “But, giants can teleport themselves, cant they? Couldn’t mother learn and take you with”. Yonah knew that you always took what you were holding when teleporting.

“They don’t really need to, they can go pretty fast on foot. Some mages learn how, but your mother’s no mage. If we’re gonna travel someplace far, we’ve always walked. Or rather, she walked, and carried me,”

Yonah stopped, “Are, are you going somewhere?” he asked, his voice shook, “Are you leaving me?!” Was this how he was going to find out?

“Oh, oh gods, no, Yonah, of course not, we’d never leave you!” Emmett assured him, “this is just in case we want to travel someday, like take a vacation. Your mother’s been living in the mountains her whole life, she’s barely left, only to make trips into the Mystic Woods. I thought she might want to see more of the world.”

Realization dawned on him. “This is a present for mother!” he said.

“That’s right, but it’s not ready, so don’t tell her. I’m going to tell her I tried to turn a tree into gold or something,” said Emmett.

“Ok, it will be our secret!” said Yonah, and he nearly skipped back home. His father bouncing up and down on his shoulders, squishing into his hair.

—

“What on the gods earth were you trying to do, Emmett?” Maya asked, worried but not without exasperation.

She had placed Emmett in an armchair, on the kitchen table, sitting herself on a stool. Yonah sat on her lap, but to be tall enough to be a part of the conversation, he had to be on his knees. Breakfast was ready, porridge and scrambled eggs. Emmett was feeling well enough by then to use a fork and spoon.

“Magical exhaustion mama!” said Yonah, “it happens to the best of us”

“Oh, and when has it happened to you? When have you done such reckless magic?” Maya looked sternly at her son.

“I- I havent, I just mean,” Yonah tried to recover, but his mother just tousled his hair.

“You’re going to be a fine mage someday, but please be careful,” she said, “as for you” she looked back at her husband, who had just put a spoonful of porridge in his mouth.

“You still haven’t told me what you were doing!”

Yonah dearly wished he could telepathically communicate with his dad. Emmett choked, and stuttered, he had forgotten what he was going to say. Yonah had to, but they could at least have had a contingency plan. Then it came to him. He had an Idea™.

“Mom?” said Yonah, in his sweetest voice, “Dad?”

“What is it honey?” said Maya, as Emmett wiped porridge from his shirt.

“How did you and dad meet?”

There was a long silence, Yonah’s parents looking from him, to each other. Internally, Yonah was bursting with pride, the perfect distraction! And also, maybe he was finally going to hear the story.

“Havent, Havent we told you?” said Maya.

Yonah crossed his arms, “you said he saved you from an evil wizard, but that’s it, there’s gotta be more to it than that.”

“Oh there’s a lot more,” said Emmett, and his wife shot him a death glare.

“Come on dear, it’s a good story, i Don’t know what you’re saving it for, some special occasion? Why not now? In any case, I’m too weak to do anymore work today.”

“No, you’re right,” she said. And cleared her throat.

“Well, it all started because, well because I picked a fight with the wrong wizard…”

—

I was on a border patrol, had been for days, and nothing was out of the ordinary. New dire-eagle nests, would have to watch out they don’t steal any cattle. When I came across a wizard. He was, doing something in the forest, which was very suspicious. It took me a second to realize why he set off my alarm bells.

He was not in the garb of an academy wizard, but the two-color robes of a society wizard. The Society of Wizards, as you know, are never up to any good, always trying to further their hold on all magic in the world. And one was at the edge of the Mystic Woods, picking at the ground with his staff, with magic shooting out every minute or so.

Being the amazing ranger that I am, I was able to sneak up on him, to a point, there is only so close I can get, even if I’m unheard. I tried to get him to tell me what he was doing but he wasn’t talking. I ate him of course, and I don’t know if that was a mistake, I doubt it would have changed much about what happened next.

Whatever the wizard had been doing, he had done it, before I got there. It wasn’t even a minute after I dealt with the wizard that The air became all gold and shimmering. I raised a hand up to my eyes to try and rub my vision clear, but i couldn’t, my hand stopped.

I stopped.

I was stuck, frozen, and the air still shimmered. The wizard had been setting a trap! And I had fallen in it. I screamed and screamed, at least i could still scream, my face was the only thing I could move. But no one was close by to hear, not even a talking animal. All I could do was hope the spell wore off or to be found before I died.

—

“AND FOUND SHE WAS! BY ME!” his father said with pride, interrupting Maya.

“There I was, minding my own business, just taking a stroll” said Emmett, more strength in his voice than the rest of his body.

Maya snorted in amusement.

“Ok fine, I was out looking for a good place to settle down, you know, build my witch hut, or tower, or castle. After looking through the Mystic Woods I decided that a magic forest setting wasn’t for me. But I saw the magical field and had to investigate! I walked into the field and what do I find? A giant!”

I had never seen a giant before, and this one was asleep standing up, and in what had to be a very uncomfortable pose. Well, I went right up to her feet and yelled up.

“Hello up there!”

—

I woke up to that yelling and I tried to look down. My eyes moved but my head didn’t, and I screamed. But soon the mysterious visitor backed up enough to be in my field of vision. It was a very strange looking man with bright red hair.

/”Excuse me!?”

“Dear you had the most awful haircut”

“fair”/

I demanded to know who he was, how he got here, and how he wasnt frozen like myself, though I had my theories. I was right too, he was a fire witch, of course the magic didn’t affect him. Fire witches are immune to most magic. But they are also very good at disrupting magic. After a we exchanged names and pleasantries, I kindly asked him to get me free.

/”you demanded it, and it was right after I told you my name”

“Fine, yes, I demanded it, I was three days stuck there, you try to keep cool”

“I never do that,”/

He refused! Said it wasn’t in his interest to help a giant! He couldn’t see the benefit for him, and one less giant around was one less thing to worry about. But, he would examine this trap, it was fascinating, something that could hold a giant in place.

As you can imagine, I wasn’t very happy about this. And this, this little man was just going to let me die where I stood! If I had any tears left they would have flowed from my eyes, but they had dried up a day ago, all I could do was watch as the little ass- jerk [Maya stopped herself from swearing in front of her ten year old son] slowly paced around me.

“Say, this looks like wizard magic,” he said after nearly half an hour! “And not Academy wizardry, Society work!”

“It is” I said, though he didn’t deserve to speak to me any longer.

“How do you know that!?”

“Because,” I said, “that’s how I got stuck here, I found a wizard, and he did this! I’ve been here for three fuc- freaking days!” I think I was willing to talk only so that I could keep my mind of my own impending death.

“Three- how are you still alive?” he asked me, and he was looking at me now, really looking.

“Well, I ate the wizard, that helped, but I’m not going to last much longer!” I was pleading, how demeaning it was.

All I could do was watch him pace back and forth, thinking about something. Eventually he spoke again.

“I hate those society types, they give my cousins across the sea nothing but trouble! Always after their magic. Tell you what, I’ll try to help you, and in return, I’ll need a favor.”

“Sure, what do you need?” I asked, I had hope again.

“Oh I don’t know, I just want a favor, which I will call in sometime in the future,”

Now Yonah, understand that under most circumstances you should never make deals with strangers, especially ones where there are no terms on what the person might request. But I was desperate, I was foolish. And you father knew that. And I accepted.

“Wonderful! Now let me see,” He cracked it knuckles and sat down.

From his backpack it removed all sorts of objects, eventually getting a knife, a little brush and a magnifying glass. He went up to one of the closest trees and scraped at the bark, investigating it more thoroughly than he had before. Then he put his finger up to it and there was a burst of light, I thought the tree might catch fire, but it didn’t, instead there was a puff of dark purple smoke.

“Success!” Emmett said from inside the cloud, and then he coughed violently.

I didn’t know what he was talking about, I was still stuck! Nothing had changed. But he went to another tree and did the same thing, with less smoke this time. And then he went to a rock, and again, a puff of smoke, again smaller than the last. Eventually the puffs of smoke were all the same size, but he kept going. By now I could feel something different, almost like something was lifting off of me, yet I couldn’t move.

/”I’ll explain this,” said Emmett. “You see, what it looked like at the time was the wizard had laid down a net, it really was a trap! I had to sever each line, one at a time with my magic”

Yonah nodded in partial understanding/

Finally he came up to me again, I couldn’t see him anymore because he was so close.

“Hey, um, sorry for what’s about to happen,” was all he said before there was a huge blast of smoke and a surge of heat by my feet.

And then I was on the ground. So was the fire witch, he had been blown back, and was groaning, but he was alive. I was kinda disappointed because it meant I was still bound to do him a favor.

“That should do it!” he said, springing up and dusting himself off.

“I- I’m free?” I tried to move. After three days, I was stiff, and it hurt, but I sat up and tried to do some stretches, it helped a bit.

“Sure are! Hey you wouldn’t know if there was any free land around? I’m looking to set up shop in the mountains! Maybe start with a hovel, someday a small fortress! evil stepmothers of nobility and the men’s auxiliary of uncles would send their step-children to me to be cursed, or given quests, I can make potions, just be a proper fire witch you know? Curse anyone who steps in my garden, plant magic things that will enchant you if you touch or eat them, that kind of thing!”

My head spun as he talked, but I managed to catch the gist, “is, this that favor you wanted?”

“Oh no no no, this kind of information is not favor worthy,” he said, and began gathering up his things which had been scattered by the force of the blast.

“It doesn’t matter, I don’t know. I patrol the lands but I don’t own them.”

“A pity, well I’ll be seeing you,”

It was then that I realized that I needed to get home, and it pained me to admit that I was probably too weak to do so, at least, unless I met no danger on my way. And I had to get home and warn the others about this wizard, and the trap. Society wizards are unofficially designated “kill on sight” because of their reputation. They are dangerous.

“Why don’t you come back to the village with me?”

“And why would I want to do that?” he asked, “Just go to a giant village? That’s not exactly smart”

“You said you were heading into the mountains, well that’s where the village is” I continued to explain that  with me he’d be safe, and given food and a nice bed to rest before continuing on his journey. Hospitality is a rare find in the Implausible Mountains.

He stroked his beard, “You make a good point, I shall accompany you!”

With what little strength I had, I stood up, and I started walking, but Emmett did not follow.

“Hey, where are you going!?” he shouted at me.

I turned around, and he was just staring up at me expectantly.

“Aren’t you going to carry me?”

“Can’t you fly on a broom or something?” I spat back. Carry him! I’m not a courier.

“I don’t have a broom, and you should be glad of it! Do you think I would have walked into you if I could fly around on a broom?”

I had to admit, he was right. So I placed him upon my shoulder and headed home.

But, it wasn’t as simple as that. Running I could get back in a day, walking, 2 days. Walking at my weakened pace, who knows. I didn’t have any food on me either, and I was took weak to hunt. And your father, as talented as he might be with magic, he is no hunter. His fire magic would sooner burn the entire forest or scare off any animals than do any help.

It was the morning of the second day when, according do your dad, that I didn’t wake up.

—

Back then, (Emmett continued), I wasn’t really concerned with people other than myself. I considered just leaving her there. But, I couldn’t. Even without the promised favor, I couldn’t. I had come this far, I had kind of made a friend, we didn’t spend the last two days in complete silence. And it’s rare for fire witches to do that, make friends.

There was only one thing for me to do. I would go to the village myself! There I could tell some giants what had happened and they could get Maya. That was, if they believed me, and if they didn’t try to eat me, or capture me.

I was able to rouse Maya enough to get directions to the village.

We were closer than I had thought, but it still to me a day to get there, without stopping to sleep.

I wasn’t very coherent when I reached the village, and it was about midday. There weren’t many people walking around on the outskirts so I knocked on the first door I came across. Either no one was home, or my tiny knocks were too quiet. I tried another, still no luck. The third time I nearly got flung by the door opening. I shouted up.

And was told to f- buzz off or be killed, they don’t like strange humans in the village. Said I was lucky to get this one warning, the next person might not be so merciful.

Unable to get a word in before they walked off, I decided to just follow them. They eventually made it to the, well I generously call it the village square. It’s mostly a circular area in the center of the village with a well at the center. Going up to a random giant was clearly not the right approach, so thought of a way to get people’s attention.

First I went up to the well and got a few drops of water on my face to wake me up, and then I climbed to the top and stood on the roof of the well. I took a deep breath, and a second, and a third, and shot fire up into the air. Fire from my mouth, and my hands. It had to be big! It had to be grand and noticeable. And it was.

All traffic stopped and stared at me, I was out of breath but my hair was still fire and so I was still a beacon, even under the noonday sun. Soon the well was surrounded by giants, all eyes on me. I figured I should take the initiative here since time was of the essence.

“Attention giants! I have some important information! Please give me your eyes and ears!” I used a little spell to amplify my voice.

I paused, wanting to make sure they were listening, and it seemed like they were, if only because they were confused.

“One of your kind is in danger! She has collapsed out in the forest! I can lead you to her!”

A male giant stepped out of the crowd, he had some sort of armor on so i guessed he was a guard or something, but he came up close and looked me over. You know him, Evan, but this was years ago, if you think he looks strong now, imagine him in his prime.

“Can you now? Human, and why should we trust you? We can see you’re one of those fire witches, how do we know you aren’t trying to lure one of us out there to kill us, and use our body for your wicked spellcasting”

These giants weren’t stupid, but I had to convince them. “I, I know her name! It’s Maya, she was hurt by a wizard from The Society Please you gotta believe me, just let me take you too her”

Evan stroked his non-bearded chin, “For intruding on our peace we should kill you where you stand, but you look weary, and your voice conveys no falsehood,”

“Are you suggesting we follow him!?” came a voice from the crowd, I don’t recall who it was.

“What if it really is society wizards! It could still be a trap!” said another, who I do remember now that I think about it, it was Tola.

“It would be a very elaborate lie, such high reward but higher risk. I say he will lead us, under some conditions, which must be agreed to otherwise we will kill you,” Evan said, not taking his eyes from me even once.

Of course I agreed! I had to save Maya. But, I didn’t realize that they had an anti-magic cage built by a fire witch to hold other fire witches. I was completely at their mercy, but confident that since I was telling the truth, I would make it out of this alive.

“If you make any suspicious move, little witch, it will be your end,” was all the warning I got before being given the command to point them in the right direction. There were 4 giants in total with me, in addition to Evan there was Ozna, Regla, and Gibor, though I didn’t know their names at the time.  Heh, if I went back in time and told myself that those four would be my drinking buddies someday, I would have thought I was crazy, or tried to wake myself up from the now obvious dream I was having.

Anyways back on track.

It was humiliating. Evan held me out in front of him like I was a lantern and he an old crypt keeper. I think at that point I wanted to be able to say “I told you so” to a bunch of giants, and to hear them apologize to me after we saved Maya.

We reached her in just a few hours, and remember it took me a day! The other three giants ran to gather Maya up to be carried back, she didn’t respond to their touching or moving her.

“There, you see, I was telling the truth, you can let me -” but Evan stuck his face close to the cage.

“Silence, witch, for all we know it was you and your fire magic that managed to fell someone as strong as Maya.” He spat at me, which was very rude.

But I couldn’t do anything in the anti-magic cage, even as angry as I was, my hair would only smoke! I was well and truly powerless. So I sat down and resigned myself to swinging around in the cage, which was now on Evan’s hip since I wasn’t needed to lead them back.

When we got back Maya was rushed to a healing house, and I was brought along, though I don’t know why.

I was placed on the floor beside the pad that Maya was placed on. Evan stayed by the door, watching me, as the healer asked me questions. You wouldn’t know her she, she was old even back then, but she was kind, if stern. I was tired, and angry, so we didn’t exactly get along at first.

“How long has she been like this?” she asked me.

“What does it matter!? I don’t really know!” I was, having trouble thinking, I kinda had not eaten or slept or had anything to drink for over a day.

“Think, how long?”

“Uh, four, maybe five days,” I said.

That was clearly a bad answer because she went straight to Evan and ordered him to go fetch some things.

I can’t pretend to understand what exactly was done, but I know that the healer managed to force feed Maya something, something that smelled awful, through some tube. And I know it was risky bc it took a while to set up.

I was also given food. Stale bread rhinds and old flat beer. So far, I wasn’t impressed with the hospitality that Maya had spoken of.

I did ask why I was being kept next to Maya, if they thought I was the one who hurt her. I was told that should she die, the last thing I should think about was the one I had killed. Justice i guess, it didn’t make much sense to me.

It took two days for Maya to wake up, and she was force fed the rank broth a few more times. But it must have done something.

—

It was like coming out of a fog. I didn’t know where I was, the last thing I remember was heading home, with, with a fire witch. I sat up and looked around, I was in the healing house, and next to me was a cage, and in the cage was.

“You!” I said, my voice was wispy, I picked up the cage. The fire witch was there, in the same clothes, but looking rather haggard.

“Yes it is I, Emmett, can you please let me out?” he said, standing up putting his face up to the bars, “I’ve been in this cage for almost three days!”

Thinking back I probably shouldn’t have, I didnt know why he was caged, but I opened it, and he hopped right out onto my hand. And Then I almost dropped him as his hair burst into flames!

“AHHHH! Free at last!” He cried triumphantly, “oh, sorry, got a little, excited” he said putting out his hair, though heat radiated off of him, it felt really nice as the warmth spread from him to my hands to my limbs and my entire body felt like it was being filled with energy. And clarity.

“Why on earth were you in that cage? What happened?”

He told me, his hair flaming up when he got to the the actual caging parts. But I was not burned. Unlike the others in the village, I believed him at his first words. There wasn’t really any other explanation for how I got home.

“So, little witch,” i said, “this is twice you have saved my life, I guess I owe you two favors now,”

/”It’s so much more endearing when you say it” said Emmett,

“What?”

“Little witch”/

“Ah, I mean,” his face was now the part of his head to turn red, “consider this one a freebie, but I’d better see that nice hospitality I was promised, so far the accommodations have been dreadful”

Now it was my turn to be angry. And I called out for the healer or any attendants that might be nearby. They rushed in, but as soon as they saw Emmett in my hands, they stopped.

Tired as I was, I gave them my most fearsome glare.

“How DARE you put this man in a cage, he’s a gosh darn hero!”

“We didn’t, Maya, that was Evan,” said one of the attendants.

“Then go get him!” I ordered, and one of them ran off.  

After forcing Evan to apologize, sort of, I was told there would be a feast to celebrate my recovery. I of course demanded that Emmett be allowed to join, right before falling back asleep.

—

I was very worried they would put me back in that cage or throw me out the moment Maya couldn’t stop them, but they didn’t. Now that I wasn’t suspected of attempted murder, I was allowed to do as I wished, within reason. There wasn’t much I wanted to do, I did not know, let alone trust, any other giant in the village. I didn’t dare to even go for a walk. So I just stayed by Maya’s side.

Well, not the entire time, I did leave so I could wash myself and change my clothes after half a week of traveling and being stuck in a cage. I felt like a new man, and I put on my nicest robes in anticipation of the feast.

And if you were wondering, yes, your mother was also given a wash and fresh clothing.

Now, the feast itself. The food was, it was decent. Nothing fancy, but well spiced. About what you would expect for a feast that was prepared in half a day.

And it was held outside, with tables circling the well at the center of the village, lanterns were strung from the houses and held up on poles, everyone was talking, some people were singing, everyone was drinking. Now that I got to try the not-left-out-for-days-in-the-sun-beer, I got to try real giant’s beer. And the stories are true, it’s the best in the land. But, you’ll get to try it when you’re older. It was a good time, and no one threatened to eat me, not seriously, at least, I don’t think anyone did.

Maya had to tell the story of what happened so many times that by the end of the night she was hoarse, but after most people went off to bed, we were told to stay, Evan and a few other village leaders wanted to speak with us.

We were taken to Evan’s house. Maya took a seat at the table, and I stood on table itself, as close to Maya as possible. It wasn’t long before Evan walked in with three others, Ishka, Amir, and Adom. And we were asked to tell the story.

“Again? We’ve told it over twenty times today, I’ve counted,” I said.

“No, she has told it,” said Evan, referring to Maya, “Now we want to hear it from you, and don’t spare any detail about what happened.”

I didn’t think there was much for me to add since I had not been there when the wizard showed up, but they were very interested in how I figured out the net and how to get rid of it. Amir was the village’s most powerful mage. They wanted to know if it was hidden, if I thought only fire witch fire could break it, and if they could learn to spot them.

“Wait, you think there could be more?” I asked, and I looked to Maya, she hadn’t been paying much attention But now she looked fearful.

/”I was very tired”/

“It is pure speculation,” said Amir, “but where there is one society wizard, there are always others, and Maya only found the one. More wizards could mean more traps.”

“So what do you think we should do?” I asked.

““we”? Little witch, bold of you to assume you would remain with us much longer,” said Evan. I was about to respond but Maya spoke.

 “Good luck destroying the traps without him, you said yourself you don’t know if it can be done without fire witch fire.”

Everyone was silent for a while, and I didn’t dare make suggestions, and to be fair, I didn’t have any. Then Ishka broke the silence.

“I’m less worried about the traps as I am about the wizards. If this is the beginning of an invasion, we can’t be caught off guard,” she said, “We need to start the Implausible Connection as soon as possible!”

That didnt mean jack shi-diddly to me, but I was tired and full of ale, so I didn’t inquire any further.  

The others nodded, and Ishka continued “There’s the dragon lair close by, we could go tomorrow morning, but we should send a messenger to the nearest village tonight,”

“You don’t perhaps have mirrors? To, say, contact the village directly?” I asked.

Amir looked peeved at that comment, “no, we do not, that kind of magic has never been shared with us, you humans and other small folk keep it to yourselves.”

“Well, maybe after this we’ll get that set up,” I said, and Amir looked surprised, and then smiled at me. “That’s very generous, for a fire witch,”

“I’m not going to do it for free, or any of this, if you want my help I’ll want payment!” I said. I wasn’t interested in making a profit, but this would cost me a lot of time, energy, and supplies.

Adom glared at me and growled “we are prepared to compensate you, within reason, if you prove useful.”

The meeting concluded soon after that, and Maya and I went back to the healing house, she was still recovering, and needed to have as much strength as possible for tomorrow we would meet at least one dragon.

—

(Maya continues the story)

When we got to the dragon’s lair, it was empty. Well, as far as we could tell, so we sent Emmett in, dragons may be in length the same height as a giant, but they are smaller, and none of us could actually fit in the cave entrance, not without crawling.

But they weren’t home, that was made clear when we heard the screeching, and sneezing, behind us, and looked up to see the dragon diving towards us. They landed in front of the mouth of the cave and look at us, angry and surprised. Five horns, a male dragon. And he sneezed again.

“What are you giants doing here? This is dragon territory, explain yourselves,” his tail swished, and we saw that it was not pointed, the end had been cut off, and then the burned. The dragon was shaking, and bit of flame flicked out of his nose.

“They’re not home,” Emmett called from inside the cave, he was coming back, and the dragon jerked his head in Emmett’s direction.

“Thieves!! You brought a human to steal from me!”

Before any of could do something he released a blast of fire and we heard Emmett yelp.

“No, dragon, we are not thieves! We came to talk to you, wizards were spotted in the forest! We’ve come to invoke the Implausible Connection” Evan shouted over the screeches of the dragon.

The dragon stopped breathing fire and looked astonished, and was no longer in a rage. He sat up on his hind legs, curling his injured tail around to his underbelly, and cocked his head at Evan, and again, he sneezed.

“Wizards you say, Implausible Connection you say! Wish you had come sooner, I just met a wizard.” now that he wasn’t angry his voice was much softer, “I am very sorry about your human friend, wrong place at the wrong time, I hope you don’t hold his death against me,” he twitched his tail, a bit embarrassed at his mistake.

“I’m not dead!” Emmett called from the cave, coughing loudly, he staggered out into the light. His face was covered in soot, and his clothing was almost all gone, he was in burned rags and charred undergarments.

“I’m *cough* charging extra for the loss of my clothes,” he said to Evan, who rolled his eyes.

The dragon lumbered over on his hind legs to Emmett and put his snout near Emmett’s face.

“A fireproof human, how fascinating, unless,” and he growled deeply, “this is a trick, and you’re another wizard!”

“He’s not, he’s a fire witch” I said, as Emmett made his way back to me. I put him on my shoulder, for safe keeping.  The dragon looked at me, narrowing his eyes.

“That would make more sense,” he said, “So, it seems as though we have both had encounters with wizards, before I tell my tale, I suggest you tell yours, if you think this is worth making the Connection”

We did, and he listened with wrapped attention and when I got to the part about being frozen the dragon snarled.

“Did you get trapped too? How did you get out?” I said, stopping the story.

The dragon looked to his tail, “I didn’t get trapped. I was flying off after chasing the wizard away and then it felt like I had been grabbed by my tail. I looked down, and there was nothing, but I could feel the magic there, dense and stringy. I didn’t dare go near it, but I could not hover forever. I bit off the end of my tail, cauterized it, and then flew here.”

We all exchanged glances, and we all were thinking the same thing. There were more wizards, and more traps. This was bad.

“And you are sure it was a Society Wizard? Not an Academic?” asked Evan.

The dragon snorted, “of course, didn’t you hear my sneezing? Not much can effect a dragon, but for some reason we seem to be allergic to Society Wizards.”

This was why the Implausible Connection was needed. It was the only way to warn everyone and unite the peoples of the mountain to solve the problem. It started with telling the dragons, who could fly fast than anyone could run or walk, to spread the word. This dragon was eager to get it started.

“Can you perhaps, take us to the one you were almost caught in?” said Emmett, as the dragon was about to take off.

“For what purpose?” he asked, annoyed.

Emmett explained that he was able to disable the trap I was caught in, and he wanted to test methods of destruction, and to better investigate the magic itself. The dragon agreed, but he was annoyed that we had to walk there, when he could just fly Emmett. It soon realized that Emmett wasn’t going to be allowed to go without giants chaperoning him.

—

It really didn’t take very long to get to the spot. We were there within the hour. Of course, I didn’t walk any of it, being on Maya’s shoulder. The dragon took off as soon as it could and I started to set up for the day’s work. Thankfully my traveler’s pack was so heavily enchanted that it didn’t get burned up, I had all of my supplies.

I was the only one who could actually go into the trap itself, so I couldn’t have any help, a pity. And it was. Slow going. And to make it worse, the giants were impatient, and didn’t believe me when I said I was working as fast as I could, and in my underwear, I might add.

/”Oh gods, I had forgotten that you didn’t have a spare set of clothes with you” said Maya

“I wish I could forget it, it was embarrassing!” said Emmett, “It’s why I developed a spell to mend clothes!”/

After a few hours in which I made little progress, two dragons arrived, and not the one we had spoken to before. These two were female.

“You, fire witch,” said the larger dragon, pointing a claw at me, “You can destroy these things?”

I walked up to the edge of the trap, as long as I was in it, the dragons couldn’t do anything to me, no one could.

“My name,” I was getting tired of being called ‘fire witch’, “Is Emmett, and yes, I can.”

“Prove it,” she said, spitting some fire, pacing next to the edge of the trap.

I rolled my eyes  “I’m trying to figure out what it is, If I destroy it, I can’t learn from it!” I said.

“It matters not, witch, destroy this one, and we will provide another for your investigations,” her companion said.

“Fine,” I said, I packed up all of my things and set about destroying the net. I was quicker than before, now that I knew what to expect, and the dragons watched, barley blinking. The giants watched too, blinking a lot, or sleeping. It took awhile and the poofs of smoke lost their novelty quickly. Only Maya paid as much attention as the dragons, though I’m confident that she was watching them more than she was watching me.

I severed the last magic line and with a sickening THUD, the tip of a dragon’s tail hit the ground. I ran towards it. It was still fresh.

The two dragons didn’t like that, but I stared them down, “This,” I waved the tail end,  “is my payment, for sacrificing this trap, and for what I assume are the next ones I am being conscripted to deal with.”

“That is, acceptable,” one of them said. “Now you will come with us, do you have a broom or will we be carrying you?”

“Neither,” said Maya, standing between myself and the dragons, “The witch is my charge, I carry him, you will lead,”

The dragon stood up to her full height, and still had to fly a bit to be at eye level, “This is a dragon matter, giant, we need the witch and you will give him over,”

“No, he’s ours!” and she picked me up.

This had to stop I wanted to help, but not if it meant I was treated like a tool.

“Everyone SHUT UP!” sparks were flying from my hair and I could feel it about to ignite.

All eyes were on me, and not in the way I liked it.

“Now, I should by all means leave you all in the dust and leave with what’s left of my dignity, but I won’t. I won’t. Not just because I’m all mixed up in this, but because I plan to live here someday, and I can’t do that if it’s over run with Society Wizards!” I couldn’t stop it, my hair lit up, but not as angry as I had feared, It clearly knew I wanted a bit of a spectacle. Maya yelped but didn’t drop me.

I paused to calm myself down, even though my hair wouldn’t, and no one said anything, “This, Implausible Connection, no one ever explained it to me but I think I got the gist. It’s an alliance, between all the people’s of the mountain. That means whatever you want me for isnt a dragon matter, it’s an everyone matter. Maya comes with me, or I don’t come at all. And you will honor the Connection, correct?”

The dragons conferred for over a minute, during which the other giants roused from their naps.

“We agree to your terms. The Implausible Connection has not been enacted officially, but it is likely to be soon, the Dragon Emperor is in flight. But they,” and the dragon flicked her tail to the other giants, “Stay behind,”

“Fine with me,” I said.

“Not fine with me,” said Evan, finally joining in.

“You’re no longer a part of this,” I said, and Evan looked like he wanted to rip me limb from limb.

“Evan, I can look after him, he doesn’t need four giants guarding him,” said Maya.

There wasn’t much Evan could do to stop us from leaving short of attacking Maya, so that is where we parted ways and followed the dragons.

“Oh, Emmett, your hair is still on fire,” Maya said, and before I could do anything she licked her fingers and extinguished my hair like a candle.

“Uh, thanks, for that,” I was now covered in spit, wearing burned rags of a robe, and my singed underwear. What a day, and now I was going to help these dragons, soon the everyone in the mountain would get their first impression of me in possibly the worst state I could be in.

Regardless, we followed the dragons, who we learned were named Exceeder and Perzan. They of course were leading us to another sprung trap, which I, again, almost naked, set about destroying.

“About time!” said the dragon that had been caught in the trap when it fell to the ground and stretched its wings.

“You’re welcome,” I said. This dragon had no horns, it was much smaller, a juvenile, very juvenile.

“Ah, yes, forgive my rudeness oh naked one,” they said.

“Dragonling,” said Exceeder, “You will thank this man, and be grateful he has not asked for more.”

The young dragon rolled their eyes and turned back to me, “thanksssss” and flames shot out of their mouth as they hissed.

I caught the flames, I wasn’t about to let the rest of my clothing burn away, “careful now, you might burn down the forest”

“What is he!?” the young dragon, it wasnt in anger. They got up close to me and sniffed curiously, I stepped back, getting closer to Maya, who got the hint and picked me up, away from the small dragon.

“Thanks,” I said, only so that Maya could hear.

“Listen up dragon,s I am In need of clothes, a wash, and another trap to analyze” I said.

The dragons agreed to go in search of another trap while Maya took me back to the village to get cleaned up.

/”Dear, you didn’t mention, that dragonling is Yonah’s friend, dont you remember?”

“Wait, really? That was Dragon?” said Yonah.

“I had totally forgotten it was them,” said Emmett/

But if you think it was going to be that easy, you would be wrong. Turns out, as the first to encounter the wizards, Maya’s village was now a hub of activity. There were five dragons, including The Emperor, Brazon. The Lord of the Elves and their entourage was present, as was half of the Council of Dwarves. Since there was no house large enough for everyone, an area had been set up in the town center, several large tables has been connected, and smaller tables placed on top for the elves and dwarves.

And everyone was demanding to talk to us when we got back. I was adamant, I would not speak about current events until I had fresh clothes, and a bath, please. And since I’m finally in a safe place to say it, I took my sweet sweet time cleaning up.  

“Ah, the pair of the hour!” said Evan, as Maya and I, on Maya’s shoulder, formally arrived. He held out his hand for me to step on, smiling warmly. Maya put me on the table herself, and Evan’s smile twitched. I think he wanted to give the impression that he was on good terms with me, and in a position of power in the proceedings.

“I hope everyone had been brought up to speed” I said, “I have had to repeat myself several times today already.”

“We have,” said Brazon, “Unfortunately, these giants cannot give us any details on the traps, not well versed in the arcane,”  The giants present all grumbled. “So only you can tell us how they work. What do you know?”

“Well, I would know more, but two of your subjects had me destroy two traps, one that no one was actually caught in,” I said.

Brazon hissed, “We did not ask for insults, we asked for information, witch”

“I can’t tell you much. My fire magic can destroy them, I’m immune to the effects, and I can identify the spell’s anchors,” I said. “I’m not, I’m not a wizard, I’m not fully equipped in skill, knowledge, or tools to analyze these enchantments with even a modicum of efficiency, If I just had more time,” I trailed off.

All eyes were on me, but I had nothing. Maybe I wasn’t the powerful witch i thought I was, maybe all my confidence was faked and I was biding my time until the giants realized it and turned on me. Surely now that I had stated it outright, I was to be tossed away like burned parchment. I was deflated.

But no one was angry, everyone was thinking. Finally the Lord of the Elves approached me. They had dark skin with blue-ish tones, his brown hair slightly, curled, and their deep green eyes looked up at me. They were at best 4 feet tall, the tallest of the elves present. Their garb was both fancy and armored, encrusted with jewels that reeked of charms. They reached out their hand to hold mine.

It had been a while since I’d seen hands that weren’t large enough to envelop me, and now I was going to take the hands of the Elf Lord of the Implausible Mountains.

“Mr. Ha’Esh was it?”  they said, their voice much lower than I had expected, and dripping with kindness perfected from decades of politics, “I am Lord Khelema, it is an honor to meet you”

I was shaking, and feared I was squeezing his smaller hand in mine, “I can’t imagine why,” I said.

“A fire witch? Abandoning their personal endeavors, and so quickly mind you, to help a people in need? It is unheard of,” they said

I blinked, “I, I am owed favors, and was going to be paid,” I said. The elf lord beckoned me to lean down, to put my ear to their mouth.

“You keep telling yourself that? That you are risking your life, safety, and reputation to save all the peoples of the mountains from an unknown plot by the society of wizards, for some measly coin? The promise of a favor?” they said at a whisper.

“What are they telling you!?” one of the giant bellowed, and I jumped.

“I was simply telling him that he need not work alone any longer.” said Khelema, voice booming impressively.

“I, I wasn’t working alone, I have Maya,” I said, indicating her behind me, and my cheeks grew hot as I did.

Lord Khelema took back their hands and then they, a few other elves, and several of the people around me laughed.

“Help with the magic, my good man, you need help with the magic,” said one of the dwarves, “You are still the only one who can traverse a sprung trap, but you have more resources now,”

The present company had already planned to send out spies to look for wizards and traps, as soon as I could tell them what to look for, and were pleased to know of the three dragons I had already assigned to such a task. They all wanted to know what I thought of their plan, which so far was just, well, spy on the wizards, find traps, investigate.

Just a few days ago I had been expecting to find a quiet place for myself, and hope to not transgress on anyone’s territory. Now I meeting the leaders of every mountain People, I was at the center of a war tribunal, and our foe was the Society of Wizards.

My only anchor was Maya, who stood behind me the entire time, offering support when she could.

The first step was to find a freshly laid trap, and not get caught in it, or at least, if someone was to activate it, for it to be me. I would provide notes and execute testing procedures developed by the elves, dwarves, and dragons. As a side project I would try to come up with a method to allow non-fire witches to destroy or if possible, enter a trap.

If we could capture a wizard that would be extremely helpful, but if they could be simply killed that was perfectly acceptable.

I posited that we contact The Academy of Wizards, but they couldn’t be brought into this, too neutral. And even though The Academy is a separate entity from The Society, no one wanted to deal with more wizards than necessary.

It got dark by the time we adjourned. But instead of going to the healing house, Maya took me to hers, or rather, her families, she still lived with her parents and some of her siblings. The elves and the dwarves both offered me more properly proportioned accommodations, but I was more comfortable with the one person I was most familiar with.

—

That was… the first proper night we spent together, without him in a cage or myself on the mend. Though all it really involved was Emmett being given a makeshift bed in a small box which I placed by my head. We had a lot of work ahead of us, or he did, and a good night’s sleep was very important.

We had more time to rest up than we thought, progress was slow going. We didn’t find another trap for three days, so for three days I took Emmett around on my patrols, though I knew we were followed by the elves, the sneaky little bast- folk. We saw a wizard once, but he ran before we could get to him, and there was no trap nearby.

The dragons we originally sent to find a trap were eventually successful, and that was nearly out downfall. They hadn’t been trying to sneak around, they’re actions alerted the wizards to the fact that we were mobilizing against them.

And then, out of nowhere, there were wizards. All over the mountains. It took all of our combined efforts to hold them off of, whatever they were planning. Emmett was immune to their magic, and they didn’t know we had a fire-witch, so he was constantly being called to remove the traps, and there wasn’t much chance to study them.

Even with the help of the elves, he made little progress. All we learned was the magic was old and secret. The Society of Wizards had delved into some long forgotten archive for the construction of the enchantments.

The only major development made was after two weeks, we, or rather, the dwarves, the elves, and Emmett, figured out how to destroy the traps more efficiently. And I heard them explain it enough that even I understood it.

Emmett’s magic was still the only thing that could destroy an activated trap, not that we knew how to avoid activating them when we stopped a wizard from doing so, but that’s beside the point. If you thought of the magic like ropes, you could imagine cutting the ropes with scissors. Scissors made of fire-witch magic.

And it was a brilliant solution. That cage that Emmett was held in? We took that apart and forged a few blades, these could slice right through the magic, but it had to be done from the outside in, cleaving each tether that was exposed enough to reach without getting caught in the trap. It was slow, careful going. Unless you were Emmett and could waltz into a trap and cut up the spell.

We had Emmett analyze the cage and imbue more metal with the same magic, for more blades.

/“I spent three freaking days doing nothing but pouring my magic into pieces of metal for the dwarves! I felt like I was going to die of boredom or waste away from lack of magic”/

It was the only three days where I wasn’t at Emmett’s side, and it was the worst three days of the entire conflict. I took out my distress on the wizards, so at least I applied myself constructively in that time.

The problem was, the wizards were getting smarter, and wouldn’t activate the traps if they figured out we were nearby, and we couldn’t destroy one that wasn’t activated, not yet. Because we couldn’t find them. Even if we could see the wizard working on placing it.

—

Finally we captured one of the Society Wizards before he could flee, or was killed (the dragons and the giants tended to favor eating them, the dwarves to disembowel or bludgeon, and the elves to turn into pincushions of arrows).

We took away his staff, his source of magic, and. We… persuaded him to talk. I had to be there, to counter any magic he might have kept for himself, and to, assist. I’m not too proud of what I did, but we needed to know what the wizards were planning.

It was as bad as we feared. The wizards were not placing traps, they were activating an old network that they put there ages ago. They had apparently forgotten about their plan to capture as many magical beings as possible in the Implausible Mountains, and drain their magic. They didnt know why they abandoned that plan, but they figured they could try and finish the job.

The wizard didn’t know how many of the traps existed, only that there were a lot. Each web was actually a nexus point, and if enough could be activated, it would form one giant web, trapping everyone, leaving them at the mercy of the wizards.

After analyzing the wizard’s staff, along with help from the elves, we found a spell that detected the traps. It took about a week, but we were able to copy it. The traps were very well hidden, but they were like spider’s webs, and would, collect dew as it were. Magical dew. You would let out a small amount of pure magical energy, like a mist of magic, and would see where it stuck. But you had to know the pattern it would collect in. We knew it now.

After that, well there isn’t much of note, Maya and I traveled around finding traps, sometimes finding the wizards already there, sometimes getting the jump on them. We were just one of many groups clearing the mountains, and after another month we were sure there were no more wizards and very few traps left, the very strange almost war, was over!

There was a big celebration held in the largest of the giant villages, the only one that could seat more giants than just it’s village population. Beyond the relief that we had stopped the wizards, there was a celebration of unity. It had been a while since the Implausible Connection had been enacted and the peoples of the mountains had put aside their differences and petty conflicts.

Near the end I was asked to give a speech. We were all happy and off of food and various alcohols. I knew it was coming, and knew that there wasn’t much I could say that hadn’t been said before, except for one thing.

“Most of you know that I originally got entangled in this because I was the one who found Maya in that very first trap. What you may not know is that I only helped destroy that first trap, and free Maya, in exchange for a favor. I did not tell her what the favor would be, or when I would ask for it. Truthfully, I just liked the idea of having a giant indebted to me.”

Glancing at Maya I could see she was not pleased with my honesty. I cleared my throat again, and walked in front of Maya, staring into her dark eyes, letting her presence become my world. It was easy to do, she is very large. I smiled up at her.

“Maya” I said, holding out my hands palms down in front of me.

“Would you do me the favor, of marrying me?”

And I apparated a pair of bond earrings between us.

There was complete silence, I feared I had made a fatal mistake.

“Is he serious?” I heard Evan shout, breaking the tension. I didn’t look at him, I only looked at Maya, and I nodded.

—

“Yes,” I said, and I scoped up your father and kissed his entire head.

—

“And since everyone we knew was already present, we saw no reason not to have the wedding right then and there,” said Maya, concluding the story.

Yonah had been in rapt attention the entire time. He had to shake himself out of his trance. “Wowwwww, that was the best story ever! Can I see the earring mother?”

“Of course,” she said, removing the circlet with a pleasant click. Placing it in Yonah’s hands.

“These are not in any giant fashion,” she said, “See the markings? It’s giant formal, but it’s much too curved and flowing, much too intricate, and too detailed. No giant’s hands could make details that small. I found out later that night that Emmett had been planning this for a while, back when he was enchanting the metal, and I wasn’t around, he had asked the dwarves to make the earrings.”

Yonah was studying the piece of jewelry, it was sturdy and would not break in his or any giant’s hands.

“Do you have any other stories?” he said.  

His parents laughed, his father coughed a bit. Yonah didn’t understand what was funny. He was so proud of his parents, they were heroes! Surely they had more stories!

“Your father needs to rest now, how about you come hunting with me?”

“But, you went yesterday!” said Yonah, yet a bad feeling gathered in his gut. The hunt yesterday had been very successful, 4 dire-boars, 3 deer. And he was useless at hunting!

“I should rephrase that, I’m not going to be hunting, you are. I know you have been slacking on archery practice, and it’s not right for a young giant to not know his way around a ranged weapon.” she said, ruffling her son’s hair.

Yonah groaned, he hated archery, and most combat training. He knew why it was important, and he was ok at it, but only because his mother was an expert and his teacher. He would never be as good as good as her, and he didn’t want to.  He much preferred magic, and gardening, like his dad.

“Come on, you get your father into bed, and I’ll get our supplies,” she smiled wickedly.

[FIN]

[FIN]

[Thanks for reading! Reblogs are greatly appreciated! With tags to tell me what you liked about this story! If you want a story with an adult Yonah and vore in it, go here! it’s safe vore, but does mentioned fatal]

[musingsofanewbienurse]

Transitioning to Veganism

In January 2019 I decided to take part in veganuary with the intention of being fully vegan afterward (bar what was already in my cupboard and needed eating up). It wasn’t a sudden decision, in fact, it had been a gradual choice that I had been considering for months at this point. I had been vegetarian since July 2017 and had been gradually decreasing my intake of animal products so that by the end of 2018 my diet was 80-90% plant based already. I had been avoiding dairy for the most part anyway as it causes my skin to break out badly and cheese was an expensive luxury on a furgal university budget. The only thing that really let me down in that aspect was when I ate out or by not checking labels.

Like most people I had watched the world-famous Netflix document ‘What the Health’ in the spring of 2017 and that was probably one of the first major catalyst that lead to me analysing and changing my diet. I had grown up on a small, rural island off the mainland of England, one of its main agricultures being farming. Every-day I would see cows and sheep grazing in fields both outside my bedroom window and on the way to school, I saw these animals had a good quality of life (in a way that they do not always in larger areas of Britain and the US), and like many people, never really questioned the connection between that and my dinner plate.

I was also notoriously fussy, and although I liked most varieties of meat, the same could not be said of vegetables. In fact I hated every single one until I was 16 and then I could just about stomach carrots. A healthy diet I did not have, despite how much my parents tried to push otherwise. Going vegetarian was simply not a viable option for me back then; but on joining university I started to cook for myself and my taste matured, leading me to today, where I now love 99% of veg (broccoli is legitimately my favourite food) and it makes up the bulk of my diet.

It meant, that when I watched the documentary I was able to genuinely consider becoming vegetarian, and started to slowly phase meat out of my diet. Even then, I knew that ultimately I did want to become vegan, after seeing the impact the meat and dairy industry has on our health*, the environment and on the animals who are subjected to it. But I wanted to do it the right way and for the long-term. If I cut out everything at once I knew after a week or two I would revert back to my usual diet, my body craving things that had always been present. I also wanted to be educated about things I substituted meat for; I go to the gym regularly and I wanted to know that what I was eating would have a good variety of nutrients. And most importantly, I didn’t want my mental health to suffer.

Like most young women growing up in this century I have had issues with food and my body. Although I have never received any formal help or diagnosis I definitely had an unhealthy relationship with food, especially in my mid-teens, though even now some days are harder than others. For the most part I am a lot better, but I was wary that if I suddenly cut out a lot of different foods and placed a lot of restrictive rules on my diet that I would be taking a huge step backwards, that I would go back to obsessing over every little thing that I eat. I didn’t want to sacrifice my health and knew that if I was to do this safely, then gradually converting my diet was the only answer.

And that is what I did. First it was dairy milk, an easy swap as there are so many alternatives on the market. I mainly go for soya at home because it’s the cheapest and I really don’t need anything fancy in my bowl of porridge, but oat is by far my favourite and go-to when I’ve gone out for a coffee.

Eggs was one of the biggest changes. In my second year of uni I had eggs for breakfast nearly everyday that I wasn’t on placement, and I genuinely didn’t see myself as able to give them up. But in third year I found a love of porridge and overnight oats, or tofu scramble if I fancied something closer to what I usually had eaten. And eventually I was only having eggs when eating out, there is nothing nicer than an eggs benedict (and if anyone can link me to a good vegan recipe for it, I will love them forever).

Like I previously mentioned, cheese wasn’t a large part of my diet, because as a university student it just wasn’t worth budgeting for. I’ve never had a problem with any of the vegan alternatives I’ve tried, though this may be because I ate cheese so rarely that I couldn’t really directly compare the two.

Chocolate, the crux for many people, was a big one. “But how do you live without chocolate?” I’m normally asked by my horrified coworkers, and the answer is that I don’t. In fact, I probably have it in some form everyday, it just took a bit of getting used to looking for the vegan friendly alternatives in tescos. But there are plenty, and even some of the major brands are accidently vegan (looking at you bourbons).

Eventually it just left occasions where I was eating out (laziness would sometimes lead to me choosing the vegetarian option, and other times it was simply because that was what I wanted to eat), and items where I had not checked the label for hidden ingredients. Milk powder is in bloody everything, and if it’s not that, it’s normally eggs. Quorn in particular is well-known for this, though their vegan range is steadily growing.

By December 2018 I felt ready to take on Veganuary. I no longer felt like my diet, or lifestyle would be negatively impacted by it and I saw it as a great chance to draw a line under the sand. When speaking to my dad on the phone two weeks in he asked if I was struggling yet. And honestly? I hadn’t even noticed, as there had been so few occasions where I would have chosen the non-vegan option anyway. To me it just made sense that after January I continued to eat plant based, and now, at the end of February I haven’t regretted it once. I am a giant advocator of eating a vegan diet. I feel so much healthier than when I ate meat, am more active than ever and can’t remember the last time I fell ill. I do understand it’s not possible for everyone, people who have had or have eating disorders may definitely struggle, and placing a load of rules on what they can and can’t eat wouldn’t be beneficial to their mental health in the slightest (just as it wouldn’t have been for me once upon a time).

I also understand that if you’re not educated about nutrition and the aspects of a healthy diet, then becoming vegetarian/vegan doesn’t automatically mean you’ll be any healthier, especially with the wide range of plant based foods and meals now out in supermarkets (I’m not berating any of these releases in the slightest, it’s amazing to see so many options and makes it a lot more accessible than it once was, it just means navigating for a healthy option isn’t always the easiest thing). Being vegan is still a privilege, I only have to support myself on my wage and it leaves plenty of room to opt for the more expensive meat alternatives and keep my diet balanced. A single parent with two kids however doesn’t have this option, and places like Lidl and Aldi are brilliant for selling a large quantity of meat for a relatively low price.  

But reducing your meat and animal product intake is good for the planet, and I do think that every little thing, whether that be partaking in Meatless Monday or swapping dairy milk for soya helps. No-one has to be perfect or commit to the most severe of changes, especially if they feel it is what they should do because Instagram told them to, but making a substitution here and there helps massively.

*I am not saying that meat and dairy cannot make up a healthy diet, though like anything in large quantities it isn’t beneficial. There is also plenty of evidence against cows milk and how we digest it. In early 2019 the Eat-Lancet commission (linked below) was published, outlining global targets for the world population to achieve a healthy, nutritionally balanced diet whilst keeping food production sustainable. The diet consists mainly of fruit, vegetables, grains and legumes, with a small amount of meat and fish. It is fairly similar to the Mediterranean diet, and emphasises that you don’t need to cut all animal products out, but reducing them would be highly beneficial on a number of levels!

Walter, W., Rockstrom, J., Loken, B. et al (2019) Food in the Anthropocene: the EAT-Lancet Commission on Healthy Diets from Sustainable Food Products. The Lancet. [online] Available at: https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(18)31788-4/fulltext#seccestitle10

[asterdeer]

flower ask meme: arum-lily, aster, baneberries, basket of gold, black-eyed susan, blazing stars, borage, bulgeherb, camelia, candytuffs, carnation, cock's comb, common boneset, daisy, false goat's beard, freesia, garden cosmos, gladiolus, rosemallows, transvaal daisy, and tropical white morning glory

Arum-Lily: What’s the farthest you’d go for a stranger? gave a man my lunch and cash when he came up to my window while i was idling at a red light? stayed five minutes past closing time to tell someone how to get somewhere even tho im terrible at directions

Aster: What’s one of your favorite quotes? “I believe that if a woman poet survives, if she sets out on that distance and arrives at the other end, then she has an obligation to tell as much as she knows of the ghosts within her, for they make up, in essence, her story as well.”contrariwise“I am not well-adjusted. More often than not, I am barely keeping it together. I’m constantly texting, and there’s no one on the other end. I’m just a grown man who can’t even look his own friends in the eye for too long because I’m afraid that they’ll see that I’m broken. So, you get credit for that. One time, when I was in 7th grade, I told everybody at school I had appendicitis. I wanted somebody to worry about me, but when Beth Brennan asked to see the scar I didn’t wanna get found out. So, I took mom’s scissors, and I made one. It hurt like hell. But it was worth it because I got 17 cards, and I still keep them in a box underneath my bed 22 years later because it proves that someone at some point cared about me. Want to see the scar?”

Baneberries: Favorite song? atm its either “high hopes” by panic!, “quarter past midnight” by bastille, or “when the night is over” by lord huron

Basket of Gold: Describe your familyim best friends with my mom, my brother terrifies me bc i love him so much, my granddad was my best teacher of selflessness and sacrifice, my cousin who was my best friend fell apart at exactly the same time i did and we never really got back together, i met my twin when i was like fourteen and needed them most, i have a grandmother who ended up teaching me more of what not to do than anything else, and i did in fact have a father, all evidence to the contrary

Black-Eyed Susan: If you could be any animal for a day, what would it be?a giraffe. no doubt

Blazing Stars: What are you afraid of? Is there a reason why? 101 things ! spiders because one crawled into my bed when i was 12 at five in the morning and my cat woke me up because it was just there at my feet, also never having someone fall in love w me, also watching everyone leave me when they figure out im worthless ! mostly spiders

Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood. there was a very shallow sort of…. gorge? ravine? it was like a steep drop off in the land down to a v rocky stream that cut behind our house in our old neighborhood. they didnt let us play there often bc my brother’s then-best friend slipped and cut his foot bad but i loved it back there + if i had been reading warriors at that point it would have been my clan camp fs

Bugleherb: How would you spend your last day on Earth?  slashing the tires of as many animal abusers as i could find. then go rent a boat and take my family/friends out on the water. pass out some macarons maybe? gravestone shaped macarons? make everyone read some of four quartets out loud. also cuddle my cat a whole WHOLE whole lot 

Camelia: If you could visit anywhere, where would you want to go? ive wanted to visit ireland for literally as long as i can remember

Candytufts: When do you feel most loved? when i havent eaten for a good while

Carnation: What are you currently wearing?  mucha-esque loki tee shirt and my mom’s fluffy cloud pajama pants

Cock’s Comb: Favorite font?lydian bc it reminds me of when i was 10 and my cousin and i were writing our stories on the same computer and that was the font we used

Common Boneset: What are you looking forward to?everybodys workin for the weekend. captain marvel comes out next week too

Daisy: What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment? 1) winning the novel contest 2) making people laugh during my thesis defense 3) not offing myself during 2014 or 2017

False Goat’s Beard: What is something you are good at?embarrassing myself! 

Freesia: What are three good things that have happened in the past month? 1) job 2) sushi 3) staying till almost midnight at a friend’s house talking whcih was the most ive actually been touched by a person besides my mom in weeks

Garden Cosmos: How was your day today?exhausting but i got a lot of reading done

Gladiolus: What is something you hope to do in the next year or two? submit a novel for publication. try to get into an editing program. grow potatoes and cucumbers, revive/expand my catnip and rosemary. donate money and buy art and take trips and make better food

Rosemallows: What’s your favorite memory? literally the only memory that doesnt feel like a rebuke or a warning rn is the day i met you in person

Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing? thats either the high waisted bell bottom jeans my aunt gave me a while back or the black and green striped top that ive worn holes into ive had it so long

Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic.  i literally dont have one, its a hideous + boring mishmash of four different aesthetics frankensteined together that doesnt make good art ever 

[definitelynotaminion]

Hey baby, how are you doing? Right now it's October 26th at 4:57 a.m. and I'm in bed next to you. Twice now I've gone over to cuddle you and you let me, wrapped my arm with your hand and just let me stay there with my face in your shoulder, close enough to hear you breathe. I ever tell you that sometimes I try to match my breathing to yours when you're asleep, see if it helps me sleep? But when we sleep our breaths are a lot longer with more space between them, and I would always do it for a few minutes and give up. But for those few minutes it calmed me right down. Kind of a meditation, I guess. I did it for the first time back at our apartment. I did it earlier when I tucked into your side and you met me with open arms despite being asleep. You're so affectionate in your sleep; I love it. (We all know I'm mean af, more likely to punch you in my sleep than be sweet). It's October 26th but it's really October 25th’s night, because I haven't been to sleep. My birthday was yesterday and we had cake. I'm laying in bed next to you thinking that there’s still cake in the fridge; funfetti, my favorite. I might go have a piece. I went to the gym at your urging; back when you were awake, but drowsy from the melatonin, and I was wearing the work out clothes mom got me as a gift, and still had my socks on because I wanted to go the gym, too. We had just gotten back from Whataburger; you missed a meal that day and had 1200 calories to spare (It’s the day I woke up at like 3pm and immediately made chicken teriyaki over rice; you went for a walk and I made my own teriyaki sauce, because the watery stuff in the fridge smelled off and I have standards. It was delicious. It's the day we took my car to Whataburger later, and I mentioned that it was odd I hadn't been to McDonald's on my birthday for once; you countered that you had offered, however jokingly. I kept joking that we should go to KFC because it was only 9:25, and surely KFC was still open, as though you hadn't spent the whole time we lay in bed discussing food looking up the calories for the specific meal you wanted. I had my hair in a ridiculous pebbles-style ponytail on top of my head, that I removed and smoothed out when we got inside. I was wearing a star wars jacket over my track suit hoodie over a tee shirt.) You gave me your drink cup so I could have two drink refills on the way home, and not have to choose. I filled my larger cup with lemonade-- shit, I brought it to bed with me about an hour ago but havent drank any; I just fucking realized lol-- and your smaller one with Dr. Pepper. It's still over there on my desk. You probably knew I wouldn't drink it but knew that the opportunity would make me happy anyway. We chilled in bed and I kept my socks on, for once, because I was determined to go to the gym, and you were determined to encourage me instead of enabling me to stay in bed. You're a lovely person that way. I did go to the gym, by the way, as I'm sure I'll tell you in the morning when you wake up (or at 3 o'clock in the evening, if that's when I wake up, if I fall asleep without meaning to). (You made jokes about the socks, but ten minutes into our blogging and chill, your foot brushed my leg in such a way that the hem of my pants rode up, and you touched bare flesh, and turned into Skeletor “Noooaa! What was that. Unexpected. Forbidden.”) It’s the day after my birthday but it’s also the first day I’m away at basic training, if tungle dot hellfire scheduled the post properly. (I swear to god, if it didnt... esp after all those tests I scheduled before I left.) (You just rolled over in your sleep to face me and your arm is pressed firm and soft to my elbow. For the first few seconds after the roll you snored softly through your nose-- very cute-- but now it's just little inhales and exhales. The forearm to my elbow is a very understated cuddle. I'm love him. You're so used to sleeping with me that you don't react or wake when I press close to you, you just accept it and sometimes nuzzle me. You'll hold my hand if I touch your fingers.) I am the most loved person in all the land, and right now I’m probably trying to remember that, shoved in a room with sixty people and no walls. (I keep remembering that this is public and then I'm like fuck it, a blog’s a blog; all the people here for my writing or the fandom stuff or the memes can deal with the lovey-dovey stuff and the waxing poetic about the minutiae of our lives. You're still tucked into my elbow breathing all cute and I'm still typing on my phone, which is on 26%; I should charge it but the charger sticks out the bottom in a way that makes it hard to rest the phone on my chest. It's a running joke now that I never keep my phone charged; that I only charge it when it's on 5%. Actually, at your urging-- though I laugh when you lean over me and hiss at the percentage, though we joke a lot about it-- I've started being more conscious of it, charging my phone before it needs it. Earlier today (the 25th) I put my phone on the charger when it was at 56%. I don't think I told you, but I know you'd be proud of me. (Earlier today I put my phone on the charger in preparation for going to the gym, and it was at 32%. I laid in bed with you to play on it and when it was at 39% you leaned over, already victorious, and said “oh? Only 39%? Put him on the charger!!!!” The exclamation marks are in italics to mimic the way you tapped it, rapidly, you know the motion. And I told you it was already charging and you were deeply shooketh, like I was an imposter. You squinted and said “well it's so small, how could I possibly see from here” in the Grinch voice, and rolled over dramatically; laughing, I chased you, and we cuddled some more. It was a lovely time.) It is (at the time you're reading this) the Tuesday I’ve officially had a “full day” at basic. I think. I probably had my first plane ride today, though if I've talked to you-- they let us make the “scripted” phone call on the first or second night-- it says “hello, I'm fine, I got here safe, he's a phone number to call in an emergency (red cross? Reddit said) and here's the address you write to”-- I only had like 30 seconds or so on the phone to choke all that out and an “I love you”. I couldn't tell you about my first plane ride. I could not tell you that “it wasn't actually as bad as anticipated, though you know I tear up when I get yelled at, so that's a thing.” According to the internet I probably sounded miserable; not because I was literally miserable but because hearing your voice probably made everything really sink in and i missed you. Also right now typing this i have like. A single manful movie tear rolling down the right cheek. Truly I am getting all up in my feelings-- but you're in an empty bed so you'd know, I guess. On the 26th, not Nov 6th, that is. I have no idea if I'm crying as you read this; but I'm a dramatic hoe so it's possible. I'm probably chanting to myself “It’s fine, it's whatever; play the game, don't stand out, go from meal to meal.” however, I have it from reliable sources (thanks reddit) that by the second or third week the yelling gets less yelling and you have the routine down. Then it's kind of like a hardcore summer camp. As I'm laying in bed it's hard to rationalize that I've only got 10 days with you left. A week and some change. The impulse to savor it is there but, also, I've literally got the rest of my life with you, so. I’m looking forward to the other side of basic, to how you can (apparently) have your dependents moved out to live with you if your stay at tech school will be longer than 6 weeks. And mine will, so. (If you're not in basic and I selfishly hope you're not, yet, you can come out there and I can spend my weekends with you, in our apartment with all of our stuff. I want lots of dice and candles. I want to just lay in bed and chill with you. “Cuddle” I want to cuddle but I keep remembering that this is public on my blog and everyone can see it. I wonder why cuddle sounds so weird when none of the other words do. I wonder how fast the first week will go if I keep focusing on “just wait until the next meal, just wait until the next meal.” I'm planning to go buy a book of stamps and some envelopes in the morning. Apparently one of the only joys of basic is hearing your name at mail call. I want you to write me so much, which is hard for you probably; but I want to hear about every little detail. You should print off the latest chapters of Yesterday Upon the Stair or Ashes of the Past if they update, stick those behind your letters. It would make a good distraction and only be a couple pages long. But how weird would it be that i wouldn't even care about them? Not weird at all. Its true that i would care about your letters more that the fanfic. That I just want to hear that you're safe and happy, that you've eaten-- tell me what you've eaten, tell me the calories, it'll reassure me and fill the pages-- tell me jokes and memes and manga spoilers for BNHA. Pass along news from-- or hell, even tell them my mailing address, it's not like it'll be secret-- the discord (kink thinktank or maybe the secret lounge, you know the one). I'm not picky. It will be neat not to be cut off from everybody, if they decide to write. Except tuva. @uintuva I love you but please god don't write to me, I told them I didn't have any foreign attachments when they asked. If anything, pass along a letter to Sach, or Dallas-- have them print it and send it to me; mention no countries. I'm laughing rn. I'll warn them that you'll post the address. If you post a letter every day, or every other day, even if they're short, I promise I'll appreciate them. They'll be like a lifeline to the outside world. They'll reassure me you're fine and assuage me that stress and worry. Please remember that I love you, even if I didn't get to tell you in the short phone call. I likely called you before the flight there. It hasn't even been a day since you've heard my voice. Hell, I forgot-- you and mom and the kids are coming to see me off. I probably saw you earlier today-- for you. It's still October 26 (25th) for me. You saw me this morning but now you're going to sleep without me; it probably doesn't feel weird unless you focus on it. I could be in the shower, or in the kitchen, or at the gym. I could be at Brittany’s house. It's okay to tell yourself these lies, or to imagine me there-- imagine me at my desk, maybe, since you go to bed so much earlier-- to make yourself feel better, to help you sleep. Or maybe it hadn't hit yet and you're fine-- that's fine too. Or maybe you'll be okay the whole time. You'll miss me, sure. But maybe you'll smile and wish me luck and go to sleep easy, because I'm getting what I wanted, according to plan. I hope you find the happy parts of your days-- laugh at the kids, at David, and Jesse-- and write down jokes to share with me before you forget. Don't feel guilty at all, because I don't want you to be sad. I love you. I'm going to try to be looking forward to stuff/focusing on the nice things-- I just snorted a little thinking of you going “whole bed to myself” in the silly smug voice; I can already tell that one is going to be what I imagine at basic, the one I'll remember and smile about. I hope you check your tag and see this, though I'm sure I'll tell you about it. Aren't I so clever, figuring out how to write you even if they don't let me write you? I also set posts to schedule, funny things I scrolled past. The usual things that fill your tag. This way you know I'm still thinking of you; it's funny because I always tag you in things, right now in October, because I want you to know I'm thinking of you. Because I see funny things and think “Dallas” and I want you to see them. I'm so glad the technology exists for me to make sure your tag has new stuff every night while I'm away. I'm going to spend the next ten days (from Oct 26) writing you letters and reminding you of things. (Earlier I told you that I love you, that I love how we talk to each other, that I love the way you joke and how, specifically, you choose to say things to me; that I love how my face fits into your shoulder or your face, that the terms you choose to use tickle me pink. I laugh all the time with you. I'm happiest right next to you. I want to be with you forever.) Oh and here is a reminder: I'm so proud of you for getting through the day. Goodbyes are hard, even when they're temporary. You're not fat and I love you. You could lose the weight you need to lose this month and I’d be happy for you; you could delete the app and gain twenty pounds and be my handsome military husband, and I’d be ecstatic. I love everything about you (freckles) and you can reread this as many times as you need to in the next few days. (Not that I'm saying you'll need to. You're very self sufficient. But if you do need the words, they're here, and there’s no shame in giving yourself what you need.) Day one is done and now I've got to get through the first week. The second will be easier and then, the third, routine. It'll be okay. Everything will be fine. I love you. I miss you. I'll be back before you know it. Please write. Even if it's just a single page with “the dankest of dank memes” on it in size bazillion handwriting. Even if it's unimportant. Especially if it's unimportant stuff. Go around and ask everyone to say one nice sentence to me. Write down the sentence. Now you've got a letter. Tell me about your thoughts and your day. Tell me (android 16 voice) you saw a bird and it was pretty.