#i havent felt like myself in so long | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fangirltothefullest · 2 years

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If you're dealing with burnout and the stress of day to day life, please focus on your mental health before anything else. Your art can wait, but not finding healthy coping mechanism can impact your health by a lot. I like your art but I wouldn't feel good about it if it costs you your already depleted mental health.

Thanks, it's not me forcing the art, I just... miss it. I miss that my favourite hobby that brings me so much joy has become a struggle. I hate that I'm in a situation where the thing I used to say was as much a part of me as my arm isn't working. I used to say I was like Phineas and inventing- It came to mw like breathing; it made me the happiest.

Not being able to draw when it's that ingrained into my person is really devastating.

They don't tell you that when you draw every single day with the passion that i had, that when you find yourself unable to do so it feels like a piece of you is broken.

I'm terrified it won't come back.

I'm tired of veins burnt out and stressed and exhausted all the time both mentally and physically.

#i havent felt like myself in so long #im so tired #but i cant stop #i hate this economy and everything so fucking much #tashi rants #tashi is so fucking tired

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femmebxtch · 2 years

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#i havent felt like Myself in so long #my body has changed and i look in the mirror and i dont recognize the person looking back and my skin doesnt feel like my own #and i feel like my mind has finally gotten to a place where it’s comfortable with itself #and i know who i am is amazing and i want to share that #but its so hard when externally i dont feel like me and i want to hide until i do again #ive spent so much of my life trying to shrink myself #i dont lnow how to be at peace with the space i take up in the world #nic’s thots

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skunkes · 11 days

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#I know antidepressants will still leave u with high and low days but idk even then my energy and productivity levels #havent been the same as they were last year or the year before that. before i got on them #so is it not an issue with mental health? wtf is it then 😭#im getting less comms now which is good bc i used to do 30 chibis per month #but now it takes me twice as long to do em bc my energy is so low.#so in making less money bc i dont have enough time to take More....#i dont knowwwwww. whats happened to me....#talkys #its also not even just work burn out...ive also felt the ''loss of interest in things u enjoy'' not just with drawing but with #journaling which ive done consistently for a few years now #i still make myself do it for memory keeping but it feels like a chore. i dont like that. it doesnt feel right #*also clarifying less comms is a good thing i raised prices so id get less!#im saying its bad bc youd think getting less wld leave me with more time for. more comms or literally anything else. but no.#my doctor always says med dosage is up to me like dude idk. im stupid. and scared

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sovaharbor · 8 months

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do u know how fucked up it is to tell a trans guy asking for dating app/site recommendations bc he mentions how meeting people irl in his hometown is wildly unsafe bc it is wildly unsafe to even be OUT in his hometown he's currently living in and how all the gay/bi men in his hometown tend to be conservative-leaning themselves and therefore very fucking transphobic. that "if you're not out and you're also not passing enough as a man (when said trans guy literally said he had to stop transitioning for his own safety) then pretty much no man cis or trans is going to want to date you" is? like do you?? do you know how absolutely wildly fucked up that is?????

#i am literally astouned someone has the actual gall to say this to me #do u know how shitty my morning has been because of this lol #summer's text tag #not even a fucking app recommendation to cushion the way i am now so fucking dysphoric ive cried twice and want to bury myself in a hole an #literally never come out. i will live in the dirt for the rest of my years and become one with the worns #worms even #AND THIS PERSON. IS ALSO TRANS. LIKE HELLO? HELLO????? HOW. HOW DO YOU SAY THIS AND THINK YOU ARE IN THE RIGHT #i literally havent felt this fucking dysphoric in idek how long lol

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yanderespamton78 · 3 months

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damn it feels so good to actually have friends who i feel safe around. like to have friends who im not worried that if they find out that i like "cringe" things they wont judge me. woah!!

@angry-avaocardo @silly1xxx @gollyimsosoevil

#appreciation post for my besties✨✨#also the tags got reallylong and rambly just me complainign about the ex friend and a quick update so feell free not to read them if you #dont wanna #theres nothing of substance in there lol #ugh god my old friend the one i made the really long post about asking for advice #i probably mentioned this but i never felt safe to talk about things i like with them #oh god i would never be able to show them defrag #and i probably wouldnt even be willing to ramble about like. the arg or smth to them #id be too worried of them making fun of me #but also they had a way of making it so i hung out with them the most even tho i didnt want to #“me and friend are going to the canteen you two wanna come?”#“[with none of my input] no me and Charlie are staying here”#the only person i felt safe talking about my interests to was a friend that i made when trying to move away frrom the toxic one #a friend who they would consistently ask if i was replacing them with and was so fucking jealous of him #in fact that friend is gollyimsoevil yea that guy #hes great he likes gay addison shit so yk bestie #also they were so good at guilt tripping that now i use their guilt tripping tactics on myself to try and get myself to do things lol #and they would make fun of me so often but GOD FORBID I MAKE FUN OF THEM #they were making fun of me to another person a few /years/ ago so i made some snarky comment about them #because i was really upset by them making fun of me #and they brought it up to me like 2 months ago before we cut them off #like dude you mock and make fun of everything i do so much that ive just stopped talking and completely zoned out whenever im around you #and youre holding some snarky remark that i made when we were like 11 /because you were making fun of me/#UGH #oh ye update on that if anyone cares it went fine they seem to have moved on and are just hanging out with different people now #they havent made any attempt to contact any of us but also havent cut us off #i havent cut them off either ive just left it #i catch them giving me and the other two friends who used to be friends with them dirty looks #but i kinda just ignore it #i have like 5 friends my age who are much much much nicer than them

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toastsnaffler · 10 months

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in a hilarious turn of events my flatmate didn't even know I use any pronouns....

#i thought when she was talking abt how her parents thought i was gonna come out as trans and kept checking my name/pronouns-#that the joke was that im ALREADY trans but in ways they dont know abt.... but nope she genuinely didnt know 🤭#to be fair. i dont rly let anyone in on my gender business unless we're close enough to be dating or its an anonymous online space #like im legally cis and thats fine. idc abt ppl using my name + she/her bc thats not my gender identity its just AN identity that i use-#to navigate the world without ppl being fucking nosy bc i pass as + am sociopolitically treated as a woman (if butch lol)#to ppl who are friends ill joke that my gender is dyke (true) and to friends whose gender falls on a similar spectrum-#or who are transmasc ill talk a little more honestly abt it bc theyre usually able to understand better than anyone else #other butch dykes w a weird gender going on are the only motherfuckers who actually Get It but theyre hard to come by tbh #to be frank i dont fucking know whats going on w my gender. and i dont rly care enough to do the introspection to figure it out rn #i have so many other problems in my life and im lucky that most of my beef w gender can be solved by presenting butch + binding #and using any pronouns around other queer ppl. its actually incredibly funny to me when ppl she/her me bc its like tch. this chump hasnt #unlocked my level of gender yet. pronouns and names in general are so far disconnected from the way i exist in the world...#its just smth thats fun for me to play around with + makes me feel weird sometimes but in ways i havent distilled yet yknow #and this has been my approach to gender for like?? 4-5 years now??? and likely will continue to be for a long while..#anyway. its not actually that surprising my flatmate doesnt know bc shes cis so ive never felt compelled to have a deeper conversation #abt gender with her. but also i could sweeaaar its been mentioned bc almost all our other friends are trans lol #and also ive been introducing myself at queer sports socials w any pronouns and i swear i talked abt that w her..... whatever #and my pronouns are on discord and shes def seen my tumblr before but maybe i didnt have them in my bio at the time... i digress #i kind of prefer cis ppl she/hering me tbh. theyre not able to they them or he him or whatever else me in a way that matters.....#altho i do find it fascinating when she or other ppl elect to use neutral or masculine terms for me. raising an eyebrow and taking notes #like when she got a job and joked abt me being her househusband.. pulling up the fem/masc tally chart and chalking a line up #a la nona the ninth.... ive been trying to figure out whos inhabiting this body my entire fucking life with no luck girl #ANYWAY just smth to think abt. im so tired i think my brain is gonna start seeping out my eyeballs #im gonna watch some more pluto and read and then -> 🛌#another 6:30 start tomorrow woohoo #.diaries #zzzzz

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mejomonster · 4 months

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I genuinely like long hair. I aspire to have long hair and look like a lot of men whos looks i admire.

I got compliments on looking so feminine and pretty recently

I cannot tell u how urgently i desired to shave all my fucking hair off. How unpleasant it felt to just Bam get reminded the way i intepret my own choice for wanting to look Any particular way in this world is always overshadowed by anyone outside me deciding theyd Prefer me a certain way for their own reasons

#rant #anyway. ive sure felt fucked up since then #i love how i look with short hair #to be honest i havent grown out my hair since idk age 9?#at age 22 i had long hair but i was peak dyke/engineering gayboy #i looked like Pat from Bad Buddy all cut sleeve shirts only with long bleach fried hair swept to one side #but i cut it off cause lol. it was dead.#anyway like. i love wearing lolita and wigs. so i was tryibg on some of my new wigs #and then i got comments on how Pretty i looked and i about wanted to jump out of my fucking skin #i do not see myself in long hair wigs as Peak High Femme #but goddamn the person commenting sure did #i just. i havent been so overtly sort of Expected to Be Femme as GOOD since #i used to work customer service and fuckers would come in and hit on me and say ladyyyyy maammmmmm nonstop #i used to have 1 inch long hair. binder flat chest. baggy sweaters. no makeup #and at that old customer service job just many strangers like ur so Cute so Pretty little Lady maam blah blah AAAAAA #and it was about then that i learned. i didnt feel like being butch just to avoid social comments #since it didnt deter the fucking comments. so i decdied back then okay fuck it ill dress and look however i Actually Like Best #for Me. since fuckers will say comments i dont like regardless.#but damn. been a long time since a person actually MADE a comment like that to my face #just. the implication i Ought to have Longer Hair and Look More Feminine. makes me wanna scratch my skin off

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nebucat · 6 months

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spending a couple weeks away from home and away from my toxic parent in a loving and comfortable environment at my partner's home has been an interesting and eye opening experience.

#vent #just had a conversation over text with my parent and they pretty much guilt tripped me like 5 consecutive times #because i havent been home and have been operating more independently #unfortunately i cried because it sunk in how controlling of my life theyve been #and how much theyve sabatoged it #i hate it so much that ive felt so helpless and stuck in life progression paralysis #because i was never set up to succeed #and i dont want to have to depend entirely on anyone anymore #but there's still so much i dont know how to do when it comes to being an adult #part of me feels guilty for prioritizing comfort and fleeting happiness for so long #that ive neglected to do the hard parts myself like moving and taxes and indepence #things i wish i had figured out by now #regardless #the shock of having true peace when youve gone so long finding comfort in an uncomfortable situation #is astounding

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basilpaste · 7 months

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#basil blabbers #in my brain i have something all sappy to say but im too nervous to put it on the post proper! so you get silly little tag rambles instead #its been a long time since ive felt *part* of a fandom.#and some of that was my own fault. after [an event lmao] i really struggled to put myself into fandom spaces actively.#so for a good while i just kind of??? i dunno???? ghosted? on the edge of fandom. too scared to actually engage #but like. and heres where it gets sappy i guess. in my time in the i.s.at fandom (however short it may be so far) ive been like. in!#i recognize people in the tags! i know them by name! they know *me* by name! its something i havent had in a long time.#and its really pleasant. at risk of sounding like a huge nerd: thank you all for being so kind to me.#how weird! to be noticed and known.

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ofcowardiceandkings · 24 days

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the sinus headaches are already not great but Extra Shit has been added to the pile and im just sat on that right now trying to figure out what the fuck to do

#ive uh not processed it yet and it also wont really shake out for a little while now i guess but .. yeah #long story short my friends who ive been A Trio with since we were 11 might be done with each other #theres a LOT of additional factors but theyre splitting a house share so one can go live with a boyfriend #and in the process it sounds like theyve made a lot of selfish choices for some unknown reason #ngl theyve pissed me off a little bit for being so weird and reclusive since theyve had the boyfriend as well but only with us #its ... yeah i dont know what alls happened because i dont live with them #but i just cant fathom how they got to this point quibbling over the contents of their shared house of 5 years #over a boyfriend whos been around for 2 or 3 years ..... to ruin a friendship of 18 years ????#again i dont know the whole story but i trust what the friend whos still good at talking to us to not lie about them being screwed around #i just dont get it at all how to reconcile what ive been told with who ive known over half my life #theyve felt off .. or wrong for a while now tbh ... i miss them #i havent seen the other one since before may ...#the thought that mightve been the last time we all hang out is kind of killling me inside lol #and it was also pretty weird and stilted again because it was very boyfriend-centric #this always happens to me lol ive lost count of all my school friend groups who end up basically fighting over me after they fall out #its a MAJOR trauma point for me and i thought we kind of grew past that but i guess i was wrong #ive been catching myself with a weepy eye or a single sob all day #i dont know what to do i wanna know what the fuck happened and what was worth doing this for #i wanna confront everyone and ask for a fucking explanation as to why my single life solid bedrock is falling apart #i mostly wanna dig a hole and die in it ... im fine im safe but im bothered by like ...#what a total fool ill look like if i just melt down at work ... i might find the mental health first aiders list and write an email lol #im like not okay cksbdkssj fucking hell #i have some hope but its ... its hard out here #i need to go to bed fuck #id dont neeeeed thiiiiisss im gonna choke on life agaaaiiinnn #the battle to keep my shit together enough to at least not self-sabotage ??? its testing my patience #rory's ramblings

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angerygoomba · 1 month

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getting into bob ross again cause of jet set radio. the pipeline is real.

#jetsetradio.live #bob ross #jet set radio live #jet set radio #jet set radio future #jsr #jsrf #jsrl #sega #shoutout the channel 7 on jetsetradio.live tv #shoutout jetsetradio.live tbh #getting me back into listening to music #i havent listened to new music in so long i feel like im losing a part of myself #but with this website its kinda making me remember that theres no rush and i can do it at my own pace #cause really i was holding myself back cause i felt like i had to do all these arbitrary things i dont feel like explaining rn #and with work it felt like i had no time to just sit down and really enjoy it all the way through #but i have so many songs that i want to listen to and its ok to just listen without too much thought #and i can listen to what i want when i want and im still learning more about what that means since i started ''listening to music'' ~8y ago #which is really as far as id say i started trying to seek out music instead of listening to whatever was put on in the car #or when i would flip through the channels of/listen to the cds my parents had bought on the radio/cd player we had #the stations were mostly very scratchy for reasons im not educated enough to know #but when you find that one channel that plays the music cleanly its so magical #miss that thing so much #this is really a trojan horse post #lolz #goombs big day in #secret goomb thot #😱

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caspersscareschool · 2 months

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my friend gave me a really awkwardly visible hickey after i warned him about doing that & i tried to cover it up with old foundation but apparently i sweated it off 😭 I'm trying to convince people a kid bit me

#at the end of the day my coworker was like marty i havent had a chance to ask did you have a good weekend...seems like you did.......#&I'm like yea actually how could you tell ^_^#my mom kind of gave me this really sad smiling look for an uncomfortably long time &then called me out but i think i convinced her #the trick with lying is to commit as hard as possible and never let up ☝️ even when confronted directly #but yea just he felt so bad abt it immediately after that i honestly can't bring myself to be upset abt it. among other things

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girlcrushau · 6 months

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#me? about to use tumblr as a diary again? in 2024? unfortunately:/#but here have a waterfall i saw on a hike last week as payment #i am sO tired and exhausted emotionally after dating #there's this guy that i fr thought was going to last and be around for a long time. we spent like every moment together that we could for 2 #months straight and if we werent physicaly together we were texting or calling or on ft . just every part of our day had the other in it #not once did i ever feel unwanted undesired or uncared for. not once did i feel that i wasnt sure of his intentions. i felt safer with him #in those 2 months than i ever did with any one else i could think to compare to.#until one day he just didnt think it important to communicate any more. after 3 days of nearly nothing .. hardly any talking . i asked if #he was ok if we were ok. what was going on in his head. he said some ive just been with my buddies and family and havent been on my phone #and just. immediately thats heartbreak yanno. thats :// thats what they say when theres a new girl. but there'd never been a reason to think #there was another girl so i was like ok we're gonna trust bc this dude has been So good in every way. so i said imy but i understand. enjoy #your time with your buddies and with your fam -- i cant wait to hear about it (and hold you)#and i havent heard from him in the 3 weeks since. just randomly #so last night #i send the dreaded 'i miss you' text.#i dont expect to hear back and i accept the hurt that will come with that and the confusion that i've felt settles deeper into my heart #until this afternoon i hop on ig and see a hard launch that was posted an hour after my text was sent #that shit kinda hurt different. but also sent me into a bit of a delirious state where all i could do is laugh bc are you for fucking real #did she see my message? i know it. bc i know him and i know that he wouldnt hide anything from the person he's giving his heart #and his softness to. i can almost imagine how he showed her and promised her theres nothing to worry about #and there really isnt anything to worry about because he genuinely is the type to give his all to the relationship he's in #which feels silly to say after what happened w us. like no there wasnt a title ever #it sucks to call it a situationship because a month ago we were laughing in bed together about how we could never bc we were all in.#just the timing of the hard launch makes me giggle. did my text push them to have a conversation about what they are. was she really the #reason that he went away on me.#im trying not to blame myself . trying not to think about the phone calls i didnt answer. about what i could have done differently. trying #not to think about where we would be if i didnt let my anxieties hold me back. if i wasnt scared about what he'd think of the parts of me #that i keep hidden just a little bit longer than the rest.#and at the same time im trying not to put him on a pedestal. but that pedestal is just where i wholeheartedly believe he belongs #he set the bar for me. he set the standard. i was never too much. i was never too little. he made me feel perfect just as i am

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madamelebeau · 2 months

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guys i've only had so mi for barely 24 hours and i'm genuinely considering making her my 3rd main...she has something so powerful and captivating to me that's more than just my usual hyperfixation ; v; 👍

#x. talk #❤️🔥🐦#SOMETHING ABOUT HER JUST. SEES AND MAKES ME FEEL A PART OF MYSELF I HAVENT IN SO LONG. IN A GOOD WAY!!!#( it's the lesbianism )#i feel like me with her in a way that i thought i'd always be ashamed of and it's like i can finally be this me??#<< guy who sounds so fucking insane #i love her so so so much it makes my head spin and my heart get all wonky aaaaAAAA #i havent felt this way for anyone other than gustave or elias thats how i know she's got me good <333

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screamingay · 3 months

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somehow these current roommates we have are the worst that ive known yet and last semester we literally had a girl who smoked cigs IN her bedroom. list of grievances below lol

#first of all they turn all the lights on all the time. the other day i was hanging out in the living room w one light on bc it was light #enough outside thru the windows and one of them walked in and flipped another light on automatically. then walked through #the living room right to her bedroom... girl youre not even using this room and i was clearly fine with the light level??#they always have all 3 kitchen lights on when they cook and dont turn them off plus none of them have lamps #they all use the Big LED Ceiling Light in their bedrooms which is baffling to us #they dont know how to organize the kitchen and they took up so many of the cabinets with bullshit. like 3 pans here a few plates there #we have like 4 cabinets worth of food and even more of pots and pans and shit bc this is everything we own #and we cant afford to use disposable everything like some of them do #theyre always leaving the fridge open while they cook too and i have to physically hold myself back from becoming my mom #and yelling at them to close the fridge when theyre not actively getting smth out of it!! like theyll stand there cooking and have it open #for 2 minutes straight #theres only room for one water filter pitcher in the fridge and one of them brought a big one which is nice but theyre always forgetting to #refill it which defeats the purpose of even having it #and they always somehow start cooking right when we decide we need to eat #one of them sent this long sort of condescending post abt ants and how it stresses him out when the kitchen is messy so we all need to clean #more and try harder to keep ants away as if 1) ants care at all abt dishes in the sink or stains on the stove and 2) as if the ants will #stop coming around if theres no food out in this building where there are notoriously always ants even on the 4th floor #(we are ground floor this time) and 3) as if he isn't one of the people leaving food around and not taking the trash out #nobody responded to it in the groupchat lmao bc he sounds like a fucking cop!! and is dating an rotc guy??? and also is a streamer or just #likes to play games on vc with friends bc hes always very loudly doing that #but obviously we have sex all the time so we're at a sort of loud noise stalemate where neither of us can complain abt the other #to be clear this is in no way the absolute worst situation theyre nice enough people and havent reported us for anything (they both work for #student housing -_-) and generally things go okay in the apartment #but like. ive never been this annoyed this often with any other roommates #ALSO someone spilled soy sauce all over our designated level of the fridge door where we had all our little bottles of stuff #but also a carton a Paper Carton of milk and a pack of butter standing upright which soaked up the soy sauce and for several days #even after id cleaned the bottom of the carton the best i could i swore it tasted like soy sauce from it soaking into the bottom or smth #but it's still all over everything in there bc it was so much it like. pooled in there and splattered on everything #like. u see that happen u clean it up wtf.??#anyway i just felt like i needed to complain and see if im being silly or if these things really are so annoying

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mejomonster · 8 months

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I would like. To be in mutual love

#rant #yeah...#...........................................................................................................................................#look its like this. im chronically ill. i know its not totally up to me i cant go out 1-3 times a week trying ro meet ppl. i know i #cant even eat some days my tummy too upset. cant work some days cant even sit up. can barely keep up witj friends i already have #and i know the being drained wont get better. i might be this sick forever. and i know im prioritizing my own art over #meetjng strangers. thats a choice. i know its my own fault im lonely. i also just. i wanna build a relationship #that long term where u meet and become friends then best friends then fall in love and hey if ur lucky marry ur best friend #and i know that wont come from forcing myself on dates w ppl i dont like. i know no ones ever liked me before #i know i havent felt attraction in years anyway. i miss having a crush. but i suppose itd be sad anyway. to crush and not be liked back #to feel ill need to wait another 5 years for another rare crush. i dont believe in fate i dont think. so i might not ever #kiss someoje i like. i might not get lucky and hold a crushs hand. spend months or years with someone like that #i just. i hate so much romance isnt like skills. i cant just date 1x a week until i run into love #i cant even find 1 person a month to crush on let alone ask out. cause the feelings are luck too #luck of who u run into even if u go tl events. even wuen i had 10k tinder matches the only date #the only person who respjded. was someone with a gf who didnt have much in common with me and me not mucj w them and it #was just not enough click to even make a friend #god it makes me sad. id like to kiss someone special. hold their hand. hear em talk hours #i have friends and love em but i dont wanna kiss a friend. i just dont feel romancy very much.

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