#i havent formulated it yet but

[stateofdreaming14]

Lost mv is taking place entirely inside Namjoon s mind. The hosts, the camera person, the office workers are all him. So it is interesting that inside this place is a stage where Namjoon needs to perform and the office workers (different parts of himself) are hurrying to get him on stage. Is he curating his persona for the outside world (pushing certain parts of his identity to the fore while others are left waiting underground)? There is a certain amount of imagery suggesting that there are things hiding deeper under the surface. It's also possible that this mv is about examining parts of himself and trying to understand himself but there are still plenty he hasn't figured out yet. Something I like about Namjoon s work is that it is up for interpretation a lot of the time. You can read it a few ways.

[destinysbounty]

Do you have any Source Dragons theories?

And any theories on what Lloyd's powers are?

And what is his connection to the Life Source Dragon is?

Sorry if thus is annoying I have just really wanted to hear people's theories and thoughts on these things

Oh by all means ask away! It's been a minute since I've done any theorizing, and I'm always happy to dust off those gears again.

First, Lloyd's power. Here's a post I've made before outlining my general thoughts on how it works, specifically in its relation to the other elements of creation. But regarding the power itself and its functions/properties, it looks like DR is gonna reveal that information so I'll probably hold off on making any claims until that happens.

I admit my understanding of DR lore isn't as comprehensive as my understanding of OG lore, so attempting to theorize in this era of canon feels a bit like wading in unfamiliar waters. It's partly why so few of my theory posts touch on the new series. One of these days I'll do a dedicated rewatch of DR from the very beginning and take like notes or something, but until then everything I say here is going purely off what my gut instinct tells me. This is all just me riffing off the cuff here, take everything I say here with a huge grain of salt. This is just what my gut feels atm, I don't have evidence to substantiate any of this.

wrt Lloyd and the Life Dragon, my completely baseless assumption is that Lloyd is distantly descended from the Life Dragon specifically (through Firstbourne, who would've been brought to life with the Life Dragon's, uh, life powers). As a long-time proponent of the theory that Green Power = Energy Element, part of me is bummed that Lloyd wasn't claimed by the Energy Dragon - but at the same time I'm equally intrigued by what sorts of implications this might have going forward.

Whenever they refer to his element by a name (particularly in s4), they usually refer to him as either the master of "energy" or "power". So while it's not completely out of the question that Chen might not know what he's talking about, it also leads me to wonder if there's some sort of overlap between Source powers. Like...how green and blue are separate colors, but there's still a gradient of overlap between them. Or like TMA Fear Entity rules, if you're familiar with that series.

Like in s2p1, Egalt was talking about how everything is motion, and to live is to be in a constant state of motion. That implies an overlap between motion and life. Anyone who understands physics can understand potential overlap between motion and energy. And of course we also see similar overlap in the series itself, between heat/fire and water/ice. So it's not completely beyond the realm of possibility that Lloyd's element could somehow be dipping its toes in several different pools at once, so to speak.

To me, it would arguably make the most sense if Lloyd's power was some sort of gradient overlap/combination between Life and Energy. Or simply some kind of residual power inherited from his grandfather, passed through his draconic lineage that would invariably link back to Life Dragon in some way. Who knows!

Like I said, DR lore is kinda uncharted territory for me rn since it's still so new (comparatively at least). I'm probably gonna wait until at least s2 is finished before I start laying down anything concrete. But those are my at least my vague thoughts at the moment!

Thanks for the ask!

[crescentfool]

ohh the joy of videos and streams... i like listening to people talk about things they like/think about it’s very contagious... 🥺

[pen-the-second]

hey now what if thancred had actually died after fighting ran’jit, would that be fucked up or what

[waitlifted]

Oh god, the Day of Hearts is that close again? She had managed to put it out of her mind so much she forgot about it.

[fisgon-fisgon]

can't wait to go back to being the protagonist in my life

[hannieehaee]

18+ / mdi

content: f2l!jun, jealous!jun, a lil bit of possessiveness, he's in love with u, afab reader, smut, penetrative sex, semi-public sex, etc.

wc: 1994

a/n: i love writing jun he's so ... he's so jun

masterlist

jun was an idiot.

okay, maybe that was too harsh.

no, actually that was pretty much correct.

because if he wasnt an idiot he wouldnt be standing here right now, watching as the pretty bartender flirted with you.

had he acted on his feelings earlier (or literally ever), he wouldnt have to watch as the bartender gave you free drink after free drink, clearly slipping you his number on a napkin. what did he have that jun didnt? balls? yeah, maybe. but it wasnt fair! jun was your best friend, it's not like he could just give you his number and call it a day. you already had his number! that, and he needed to go through the whole 'sorry, i know we're just friends, but id like to submit an application for the promotion to boyfriend now.' he already had a whole thing going with you; a very platonic thing.

so now all he could do was sit there and watch. watch you in your pretty dress, hugging your body in the most delicious of ways, as the bartender looked you up and down, almost as if he was planning the easiest way to eat you right there and then. jun needed to stop this. you didnt seem uncomfortable or even phased by it, just showing plain disinterest, so he really had no valid reason to storm over there and drag you away. which is why he wasnt sure why he did just that.

you knew jun as a bit of a weird guy. someone who just did things without much thought in mind. so it didn't surprise jun when you didnt question him upon marching up to you, churning out an excuse of 'we need to go to the bathroom!' before pulling you away from the bartender's vicinity.

to be fair, he did take you to the bathroom. he quite literally took over the bathroom, walking you in and locking the door behind him, not allowing any other person to enter. it was an exaggerated yet ominous act. once he calmed himself down a bit, he turned back to you as you looked at him with wide eyes, head turned slightly to the side, clearly confused at his actions. okay, yeah, this was weird. even for jun standards.

"what was that?" you asked, wondering why he was being extra dramatic than usual.

"uhh .. that? just, i .. i didnt- i didnt like the way he was looking at you .." jun was never good at thinking on his feet. he needed time to formulate answers and think. and even then, he would sometimes stumble over his words, just like now.

"what? he just gave me his number. it's not like-"

"no! you should- you should throw it away. uh, please?"

"why would i do that? he was cute, i was thinking of hitting him up an-"

"NO!," his words interrupted you again, leaving his mouth before he could think.

"jun, what's wrong with you today ..?"

"listen, i ... i- it's just .."

"jun! what is it??" you were clearly growing more and more confused by the second. jun needed to salvage the situation. except, in true jun fashion, he did the opposite of what he intended.

"i like you, okay?," he gulped loudly before continuing, "i dont want a stupid bartender giving you his number. i dont want to see guys staring at you at the gym. i dont want jeonghan flirting with you. it's- it's all driving me crazy. i know i shouldve told you, okay? i know. i'm too late, i know. i shouldve asked you from the day we met. but you were so ... and- and i panicked! i love being your best friend, i do. but- but i just like you so much. i like you and i dont know what to do. i-"

"jun."

"no, listen! i get it. we're best friends and we've been best friends forever, and i know you don't see me that way, but-"

"jun!"

"-but watching you get attention from all these guys is just making me so- it's driving me insane. i cant stand the thought of you with someone else anymore. i know you havent really dated since we met, but even the thought makes me-"

"wen junhui! shut up!!"

he finally slammed his mouth shut at this, finally allowing your interruption to get through to him. he was now paying full attention to you. you were closer than he remembered before he started senselessly ranting at you. you were right in front of him, actually, staring up at him with eyes he had never seen before.

you grabbed his arms, limp at his sides, and wrapped them around your waist, now pressing the two of you almost chest to chest. he didn't know where this was going, but he'd allow you to do whatever you wanted as long as it meant it was him you were looking at and no one else.

"junnie ... you're such a fucking idiot."

okay. he already knew that.

"i like you too."

wait, what?

he gaped at you, "what?"

very smooth.

"you're so fucking stupid. you couldve just told me you liked me," despite your insults, you now had your arms wrapped around the back of his neck, almost pulling him down to you. it had his heart beating like crazy as he kept his own arms wrapped around you.

"i- you liked me?!"

"yes, you idiot! why do you think i havent dated anyone since we met?"

"i thought maybe you just didnt have any game, i dont know!"

"jun!"

"shit. sorry, i meant- hmph!"

your attack on him had been too quick for him to even process. without having realized, you had pulled him down the rest of the way, quite literally launching an attack on his lips with your own. for a few seconds he just stood there, eyes wide in surprise as he let you kiss him with no reciprocation. he was too shocked to respond, despite how badly he wanted to. it went like this until you pulled away, probably thinking this wasnt what he wanted.

he panicked once again, immediately pulling you back to his lips, backing you up against the nearest wall. that's when he really started to perform to his full potential. he pulled all stops, feeling nothing but pure bliss at finally feeling your lips against his. he licked frantically into your mouth, running his hands up and down every inch of your body, sighing at every moan that escaped your mouth and entered his.

he felt like he was on cloud nine, with you so pliant against his hold. suddenly an animalistic sense deep within him started to come out. every soft sigh you released against him, and every shudder of your body had his resolve breaking. he had to hold back from picking you up and pounding you into the wall. whatever it was that was taking over him, he had never felt before. there was a cloud in his mind giving him sinister thoughts; thoughts of you crying as he pistoned into you, letting all his desires finally release after the years-long wait for you to land in his arms.

"w-want you so fucking bad. please ...l he opted for communicating his desires, wanting nothing more than for you to reciprocate his insane want for you.

your response was found in you licking into his open mouth as he spoke, whispering at him to do whatever he wanted to you, claiming you had waited far too long to feel him. revealing that you thought of him every night and that your resolve had broken long ago.

his eyes rolled back at your lust, knowing his matched by a tenfold. he made quick work of your dress, pulling it up to uncover your crotch while pulling his own pants down just enough for him to begin rubbing his length against the thin cloth of your panties. he wanted your nude body so badly, but he knew it wasnt the time nor place. he'd save that vision for another day (most likely an hour or so, maybe after making you scream his name in the pub's bathroom).

"junnie ... please just-fuck! just fuck me," he understood your rush, already growing drunk on the feeling of his cock rubbing against your delicious cunt. god, that was yet another thing he needed to save for later; your thighs suffocating his head as he licked every drop of arousal out of you.

no. he needed to concentrate. he needed to get his cock wet and warmed up by your pretty cunt. and that's exactly what he did next, moaning out at the feeling of you enveloping him almost as if he'd belonged there all along.

"that's ... shit, that's such a pretty cunt, baby. fuck ..."

"wanted this cunt for so long, shit, fuck. it's so fucking good."

"all mine now ... no one else can have it .."

"fuck, gonna take you home and keep you locked in my room. go-gonna fuck you every day to make up for lost time, shit."

he couldn't help the candid words leaving his mouth. his mind kept screaming at him to show you how fucking badly he wanted you. there was nothing more perfect than the feeling of your body against his, all while your mewls of pleasure filled his ears. the thought of taking you home and keeping you in his arms forever made him feel like he was in nirvana. it almost overpowered the actual feeling of nirvana your cunt was giving him as you strangled his cock between your walls.

god, your cunt. he always knew you'd feel like heaven, but nothing couldve prepared him for this. no longer did he ever have to worry about the platonic wall that had been placed between him and your beautiful body (and mind and soul and everything else). now he had you all to himself, and he'd never let another man even imagine being in his current position.

"junnie ... need to cum. please. y-you're so fucking big. fuck!"

he needed to hear more of you. needed you to cry about his big cock bruising your cervix. so, he did what any reasonable person would and began pistoning in and out of you at a savage pace, feeding on the cries of pleasure leaving your lips.

"th-right there! fuck! junnie, please ... do-don't stop. gonna cum. g-gonna- shit ..."

not a single sentence could leave your body anymore as jun finally triggered your impending orgasm, with your own end dragging his out of him almost immediately.

the two of you breathed heavily against each other, hands unable to separate from the other's body for even a second. it felt comfortable; right. it was as if you'd done this together before. he felt like this was what he was supposed to be doing all along.

"do you really like me back?"

"jun, you idiot. yes! i wouldnt have let you fuck me in a dirty pub bathroom if i didnt like you."

"ah. hah, just making sure," he wasnt too sure where the horny monster inside of him had gone, now going back to his slightly awkward demeanor.

"now ... are you gonna make good on your promise?"

"huh?"

"gonna take me home and keep me locked up in your room?"

oh. you were flirting with him. your hands were rubbing at the back of his ear, making him swoon at your delicate touch. fuck, you were good at this. one word from you and he was putty in your hands. but it was fine. he liked it that way.

"y-yes."

"then take me home, baby. show me what you've been wanting to do to me all this time"

jun made a mental note to thank the bartender on his way out for making him jealous enough to act on his feelings as you dragged him away, clearly just as eager to get on his bed.

thank fucking god for that stupid bartender.

[deedala]

☀️ weekly 🌴 tag 🌴 wednesday 🌊

hello it is thursday!! not wednesday, alas, we persist. big thanks to a one lil miss ✨🌟🌙 @celestialmickey ✨🌟🌙 !!!! for writing this weeks game and for tagging me!! + @gallapiech @blue-disco-lights @heymrspatel @jrooc @mmmichyyy @too-schoolforcool @lingy910y @crossmydna @energievie @palepinkgoat 💖💖💖

name: deanna 🌱

pronouns: she/her

what year did you graduate high school? lets play a game actually, what do you think? did i graduate in 1998, 2002, or 2006?

tell me where you live without *telling* me where you live: woody harrelson and i know the same amusement park like the back of our respective hands

tell me what you do for work: digital coloring book

caffeine source of choice: brew my own hot coffee in which i pour oatmilk and french vanilla dairy-free creamer

do you have a skincare routine? super sensitive skin, had to do accutane in my 20s *and* back in 2019. dermatologist has me on a very strict routine of gentle salicylic acid facewash and oil-free fragrance-free sensitive-skin formulated facial moisturizer. nothing else allowed!!

how often do you do laundry? every single fucking day of life and if i dont i will be overcome and i will suffer

favorite flower: poppies!! (iykyk) but dandelions are a close second

your go-to karaoke song: i've never gotten to do karaoake for reals but i think it would be an absolute blast (and hysterically cringey) to sing wuthering heights by kate bush!!

what kind of phone do you have? mint green iphone 12

do you wear contacts/glasses? i wear a single contact lens because i had to have a bunch of surgery in my left eye in my 20s and one of them involved replacing my lens with an implant (hi im bionic, i have a serial number) that is a corrective lens giving me 20/20 vision (apart from the blind spots where my retina is destroyed) SOOOO i literally can only wear that one contact lens in my right eye to fix my (extremely bad) vision on that side. glasses dont work when you've got 20/20 in one eyeball and -7.25 in the other.

what color is your hair right now? its a 10

you’ve just been handed $10,000 cash, what are you spending it on? theres a lot of shit in my house that needs to be fixed. or maybe we can use it as a down payment for buying a new house? (probably not the market is so insane in my city because of the university and the landlords) but i guess...in fantasy world where this happens...yeah we use it to help ourselves buy a new house lol.

how many pets do you have? none

have you ever been on a train? many many trains! some in america, most of them in europe

and finally, tell me something about yourself people might be surprised to know: god im so uninteresting... i love olives and pickles and cilantro and mint but not garlic and i cannot taste spicy things (i deeply wish i could, ive tried so many times and all i get is like bitter charcoal numb tongue)

and now i'll tag some folks under the cut who maybe?? havent played yet?? maybe want to play????? if not consider this me handing you a dandelion + poppy 💐 under the cut!!

@darlingian @spookygingerr @mybrainismelted @creepkinginc @suzy-queued

@sleepyheadgallavich @thepupperino @iansw0rld @gardenerian @ardent-fox

@catgrassplantdad @whatwouldmickeydo @gallawitchxx @wehangout @captainjowl

@the-rat-wins @loftec @spoonfulstar @callivich @sam-loves-seb

@howlinchickhowl @rereadanon @softmick @burninface @sickness-health-all-that-shit

@sleepyfacetoughguy @transmickey @lee-ow @themarchg1rl @vintagelacerosette

@xninetiestrendx @michellemisfit @steorie @samantitheos

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

[demento-mori]

Isat ask game! 2 and 5! Huzzah!

Huzzah!!

2. favourite npc

hmmm i think id have to go with the daydreaming one. Moreso for the ideas they represent about people that had friends and family on the island who are just. gone now. Its not as severe as with actual islanders like siffrin and the king, but the idea that there is this unexplainable cavity that you might not even realise is there. The idea of not even knowing who it is that you miss, or even knowing that you miss someone at all.

I also think its interesting how this ties in to their fixation on family. Its like theyre trying to replicate family dynamics as a stand in for the family that they dont even know that they're missing.

5. favourite optional event

The bad touch event for sure. I still havent fully formulated my thoughts on it yet, but it's just such a fucked up situation and it makes so so insane how this series of misunderstandings and mental spiralling lead to such a messed up chain of events. I think it's really effective in driving home the themes of miscommunication in the game as well.

I remember when i experienced it in my playthrough my stomach dropped when isabeau pushed siffrin away. Because I knew exactly why isabeau reacted that way (i mean who wouldnt) but i also knew exactly how siffrin would interpret it and oh god was it painful. The conversation with loop afterwards really adds to the whole experience as well.

[purpurussy]

id love to know more about your dinok au <333

thank you for asking <3 + sorry for responding to this a little late! i'm having trouble formulating my thoughts on it atm

my concept is that dan never found phil's channel, never met him, went to uni and married a girl he met there, and became a somewhat unsuccessful legal professional because he fucking hates his job. the vibe for him is that he kinda just let life drag him along, without really allowing himself to actually Live, and now he's in too deep to just come out as gay... like he's experiencing some insane cognitive dissonance dshshglk. coping through denial+alcohol has been working okay for him so far but now his career is flopping heavily and his marriage is falling apart bc he doesn't want kids (obviously) and his wife starting to suspect something is up. he meets phil through a mutual friend who he plays final fantasy with, they start talking via discord and then it's like "but wait what's this? my god it's manic pixie dream girl phil lester with a steel chair"

it's very angsty, slow burn, will they/won't they. but trust that phil is gonna see this sopping wet mess of a man and say "i can fix him" (and then dan will fix himself because i don't like that trope <3 but he needs phil to help him see that he can live his truth and be happy yk)

it's kinda hard to write because it's a bit depressing... i'm finally getting to the part where they meet irl and things start to turn around, but so far it's just been dan drinking to cope and feeling lonely :( i'm trying to go back and edit some humor into it to make it less upsetting to read lmfao. although it's fun to create a contrast between how bad dan's life fucking sucks and how much joy and whimsy he finds in talking to phil <3 it's also just really hard to write denial/cognitive dissonance if that makes sense? there's a lot to explore psychologically. and also I don't want to frame dan's beard wife as an antagonist, I feel like it would be very easy to demonize her but she's not to blame for this mess ykwim. like i don't want dan to be a "my bitch wife" kinda guy DSGSHGKG he's just scared. and the story is supposed to be about him being brave and healing, and realizing that a better life is possible. like he is his own antagonist dslskfghgjkl

I'm also enjoying the concept of the timeline roughly following their irl 2009 timeline. like they start talking around dan's 33rd birthday, meet on october 19th etc. i like the idea of some things being kinda constants even in a different timeline

anyway they just voice chat for a while and get to know each other without actually even knowing what the other looks like. and they lowkey fall in love even before they've even seen each other. so here is them seeing pics of each other for the first time and dying in a tragic double penis explosion incident

(earlier on phil tried to be like "why are you gay? you are gay." but dan just got scared and dodged the question so now he's not even out to phil . can you believe. that's gonna be real awkward when they start making out sloppy style 3 chapters later)

(also i just realized i've written [dan] like a million times while writing this LMAO that did not actually click for me until now)

sorry for rambling for ages! i'm so tired atm so i can't really be coherent lmao.

i really wanna post this once it's done, but i'm worried it'll be too sad and angsty at the beginning and people won't be into it 😭 i'm probably not doing a good job selling this but it'll be okay i promise

also shoutout to the people who helped me brainstorm dan's username! i havent decided yet but i like the idea of him picking something generic at first, and then changing it to something more meaningful as he goes on his little journey of self-discovery

[silverpen-and-paper]

Hey, Thank you once again for writing out your ask game, even though I have decided to do (what some would probably think is) the insanity method in tackling it all in order, I'm actually enjoying formulating some of my answers in my head before I get to them! I realised that I hadn't asked you anything yet. No pressure at all to answer quickly but my blog today made me wonder about your answer to 2. How did Loki become part of your life?

you’re welcome, and thank you for asking!! warning that this is really, really long

(link to the ask game: https://www.tumblr.com/silverpen-and-paper/760422804601634816/2011-2013-loki-ask-game-i-havent-seen-one)

early 2021: it started with the wandavision series. before then, no one in my family had watched a marvel movie. but the trailer intrigued my parents, and after watching several episodes and liking them, they decided we should try to catch up on the rest of the mcu; yknow, make it a family thing, one-ish movie a week.

i (fourteen at the time) didn’t expect to like marvel. my family started watching wandavision without me, but after they kept saying how good it was, i started watching it too, on my own. they also started watching the other marvel movies without me (i don’t recall the reason, but it was almost definitely my idea). i remember getting ice cream as i watched iron man 1 on my phone, decidedly ignoring whatever marvel movie they were watching in the next room so i wouldn’t get spoiled. pretty soon i got ahead of them, and the family watch nights became my second viewing of the movies.

i had a penpal who was really into marvel movies. her favorite characters were bucky, natasha (i think?), and — drumroll — loki! i don’t remember her telling me any details about them (i think we mostly wrote to each other about warrior cats at the time) but i do remember being excited to see what the big deal with them was. basically, loki was kind of a shiny character from the beginning.

i started watching thor 1 while swinging on the swingset in my backyard. i remember going inside during one of the scenes set in the observatory, thinking something along the lines of “no wonder [penpal’s name] loves loki so much.” unfortunately i don’t remember which scene it was.

i wish i knew exactly why i was drawn to loki out of all other marvel characters, but i have no memories of consciously thinking about it. my best guess is that it had something to do with their situation mirroring my own as a queer person raised in a queerphobic household (discovering you are the thing you & the people around you have been taught to hate). but i was still queerphobic at the time, so if that was the reason, maybe it was subconscious or suppressed. or i just forgot.

i didn’t acknowledge loki as my favorite character for a long time, actually, which might have something to do with me not remembering that. until early 2023(?) i was determined to be Not Cliché and Not Cringe. i often said (to myself, in my daydreams about what i would post on tumblr when i was finally allowed to have an account) that all mcu characters were equally my favorite. yeah, maybe my self-insert daydreams were the most fun when loki was in the scene, but it’s not like they were favorite character or anything (/s)! 

anyway: unfortunately, since i was watching the movies at a pace much faster than the rest of my family (i watched two a day at least once), i didn’t absorb them as much as i wish i would’ve. i was able to remember random facts about them that my family didn’t and make plot/character/etc connections during my rewatches, but if i could do it all over again i would pay more attention.

i remember being ECSTATIC at the loki series trailer. by the time loki series s1 began to release, i think we had just reached falcon & the winter soldier in our mcu watchlist. so pretty much all caught up. i was fifteen by this point.

i was part of some teen forums during that time. there was a loki fan on there who i really admired, who was always changing profile pictures to a new comics loki or loki fanart. in anticipation of the series, that fan made a loki thread. it was my first experience Actually interacting with fandom. previously, i’d relied on google search for grainy fanart and buzzfeed articles for one-sided discussions. i had access to some tumblr — sometimes the actual website until i hit the “make an account” wall, usually screenshots from pinterest — but i never actually Talked to anybody. posting my reactions and thoughts in that loki thread after every episode and discussing the events with the others in the there will always be an experience i treasure.

(funniest occurrence that happened on there was when i found some article theorizing loki & sylvie’s romance before the first episode had even released. it was purely based off of the trailer. i posted the link, paired with some sentence that conveyed the general feeling of an amused “what??????” everyone else’s response was a similar sentiment. one person said “no, i don’t think disney would do something like that.” oh, children…)

i was so excited that when the first episode came out, i woke up extra early to watch it before everybody else in my house. i don’t think i even set an alarm, i was just fueled by pure excitement. i wanted to make sure my first watch could be alone, with no one interrupting or distracting me. i did that with most, if not all, of the rest of the episodes.

and i did enjoy it! i had only watched each of the other movies twice, and i was fifteen, so i didn’t have all the nitpicks i have now. there were some things that bothered me, some inconsistencies i noticed (“why didn’t loki read those papers before they signed them? that seems unusual for them” & “i don’t feel like loki would have risked getting drunk in such a high-stakes situation, but it happened, so i guess loki would??” & “why did loki ask the other lokis if they’ve ever seen a woman variant? isn’t loki supposed to be genderfluid?” — tho i was still queerphobic at the time, so back then i was more confused than bothered by that last one.) but i brushed them off.

i remember a conversation between my mom and i — she remarked on how she thought loki seemed too different in the series, that their personality changed too fast. i parroted the explanation that i’d seen going around online at the time (yknow, the “loki watching those moments of their life all at once speedran their character development” one). my mom didn’t seem fully convinced, but nodded politely. i had a niggling kernel of “this explanation doesn’t make sense to me” in my chest, but i didn’t acknowledge it. acknowledging it would mean disliking the series, and i wanted to like the series. if i disliked it, i would be upset, and i did *not* want to ruin the one thing that was bringing me joy. (it had been quarantine for roughly a year and a half by that time, and to say i hadn’t been coping very well is an understatement.)

after the series ended, i listened to the loki: where mischief lies audiobook. i remember feeling conflicted about it. partially for homophobic reasons, partially for some characterization and worldbuilding qualms. i do want to read it again though, to see how much i like now.

during the months of late 2021, i was depressed — probably clinically?, but i didn’t get a diagnosis, so idk. i think i had been for a while by that point, but those months were particularly bad. loki was a big comfort for me. i didn’t feel fully mentally better until the spring/summer of the following year, when i finally found the argument that convinced me it wasn’t a sin to be queer (🎉). i’d been searching for one for a while. with my mind no longer preoccupied with that and with more distance from the series, i slowly found myself agreeing with criticisms about it that i hadn’t previously.

time skip! autumn 2023, just before s2 began to release:

i had just recently made this tumblr blog. by this time, i did not think the show’s writing was good, but i was still able to enjoy it. as i say in my intro post, i liked the concepts (generally), but hated the execution — for me, my like of the concepts was strong enough that the bad execution didn’t sour it to the point of being unable to watch it. i was excited to see what would happen. partly because i had hope the new directors/writers would retroactively fix some stuff, mostly because i already had some ideas for a rewrite and i wanted to know all the s2 details so i could shuffle & rework them. and i was able to have fun with it for a while! …uuuuntil the finale.

the mounting dread as i watched the finale unfortunately didn’t prepare me enough for the ending. i had expected to be dissatisfied with it, yeah, but in a “well that was fun! :D time to dismember it in my fanfic now” way. i wasn’t expecting it to cost me 10000+ mental health points. (turns out it isn’t good for you when your special interest of multiple years suddenly gets poisoned in a way that makes you start crying whenever you think about it. who knew!)

so after that i had to tediously train myself to stop thinking about it so i could take a break until i felt better. that mostly just consisted of me scrambling to find other hyperfixations that would distract me from thinking about loki.

in mid-july (of this year), i was taking a break from the internet for about a week. my littlest sister and i watched thor 1, the avengers, and thor 2 together. (the rest of our family invited themselves to watch it with us, which was not ideal, but it did give me more people to infodump to afterwards.) that pretty solidly reignited my spinterest, and i’ve had more happy loki thoughts during the time between then and now than i have during the previous twelve months. i also figured out and feel more confident in several of my opinions now.

i also started working on my series rewrite again a few weeks ago. i think finishing it would help me a lot, because i did still get pretty melancholy about that finale once or twice since july, and if i write it all out i can more easily pretend it’s canon instead. plus i think i have some good ideas for it! i probably won’t talk about it unless someone asks me, and i won’t release any chapters unless i’ve completely finished writing it, but i like what i’ve planned for it so far.

so yeah! all caught up now, i think.

[halogalopaghost]

venting abt medical stuff, tired so it prolly wont make sense anyway

I sat up to type somethingon my laptop and literally watched the veins in my hands become distended from blood pooling. it makes me mad because a quack "eastern medicine" doctor last year dx'd me with ""chi stagnation"" which is not a fucking thing, first of all, but he literally said my blood was stagnating and a bunch of other shit about my chi and all, and I wrote him off SEVERELY because. Blood stagnation is called LIVIDITY and it happens WHEN YOU DIE. I knew what POTS was at the time, but I hadn't even considered applying it to myself yet. Now a year later I'm waiting to be tested for POTS and self-treating POTS symptoms and like. well fuck. shit. damnb I guess mabye he was onto something.

and like...im just tired, man. everything's getting worse instead of better and I know it's probably becaue I had COVID a second time + autistic burnout is a thing I'm probably experiencing i guess. but I can't control flare ups, I can't control when I sleep or wake, I can't control when I feel nauseous or hungry or when I hurt or feel fine. I can't plan ahead for anything because it's a total crap shoot on whether I'll be capable or not. Not if I feel up to it, but if I'm CAPABLE. my feet have been hurting all day as if I worked a few 12 hour retail shifts in a row, and all I did was take a fifteen minute walk. my hands have turned red from the blood pooling in them now. I haven't slept for more than three or four hours in a row in almost a week. I can't sleep, but I'm exhausted. exercise doesn't help, it just makes my body hurt.

im tired. I haven't written in days because I havent really been capable of thinking in days. my brain fog has been so bad that I can't spell really basic words and it takes forever for me to formulate sentences. even when I do, they tend to be rambling and not make a whole lot of sense. I can't comprehend things im reading. I can't sleep. I tried meds and it didn't help enough. sigh.

[vampieri]

btw thanks all who ever shot me a question here i love using tumblr and just posting about my characters without a care in the world, like really this website rewired my brain a litle often times i get happy thorough my day thinking about when i'll get home to talk about something that brings me joy and that people also seem to enjoy it.

(if i havent answered your ask yet i will soon i promise it takes some time for me to formulate sentences, some of these are really interesting and make me ponder LOL)

[mertronus]

Good morning, just wanted to let you know that you made me cry so much while reading Brown Eyes and Spice (I havent finished yet, since I want to leave some comments on A03) and Forget Me Not (

🥺

😭

I had to constantly reread some parts of the stories so many times because my eyes were filled with tears. Im so glad that you wrote these two stories, I’d be lost with out them. Although, you caused me Heartache (repeatedly, if I might add 😒🥺) I’ll go through it all again if it means seeing how Ron and Hermione grow together.

I hope you don’t mind, I’ve downloaded your story to my phone so I can read it offline, whenever I’m on the road. Even though I risk crying in public, but it’s a risk I’ll take 🤷🏽‍♀️

You. Are. So. Talented!!

I hope you know this if not, I’ll have to spam you with all the love/admiration that I have for you. Which is more than all the clothes that Hermione knitted for the House Elves, and more than the love Ron has for the Chudley Cannons, even more than Crookshanks enjoying time with his favorite hoomans (who gives better scratches, R or H 🤔)

If you ever decide to step away to have a break or if life has the audacity to get in the way 🙄 which happens, I know. Just know that it’s more than fine to do so I don’t want you to feel like a machine when you write so many amazing stories.

Truth be told, I tried my hand in writing and let’s just say that RW/HG are still in my summary 😂, seems like the story is formulated perfectly in my head but doesn’t transport itself onto my notebook/docs. That being said I’m always so happy when you manage to create a new fic because I know how difficult it can be to add just a few sentences.

I hope you know that you’re very talented, thanks for your stories. Take care ❤️

So sorry if this has been in my inbox for a while! Just seeing it!

And I am convinced that you are simply trying to pay me back for all the tears I've caused you because FRIEND!!! I AM SOBBING!!!

You don't know how much your words mean to me 😭😭😭

And Ron totally gives better scratches, but Crooksy will never, EVER admit this. Hermione knows though. She's already discovered Ron's fingers are magic, eh? Eh??? 🤣🤣🤣

I know. I'm the worst LMAO.

THANK YOU AND LOVE YOU AND BE SAFE out there while you read and cry out in the world. 🫶🏾

[ievaxol]

10, "I think... I'm in love with (Name)" || "Congrats on being the last one to find out. Your choice of ship!

(i havent touched anything in so long then i remembered i had this sitting in my askbox and decided to yoink it for practice/warm-up <3)

"He'll kill you," Kazutora says, voice flat. "And your blood will be on my hands if you continue. We were wrong and it's time to throw in the towel, end of story. It's over."

I can't give up now, flashes through Takemichi's mind and Kazutora must sense the sentiment somehow because his mouth thins and his hand lands heavy on Takemichi's shoulder, fingers digging in hard enough that Takemichi knows they'll leave bruises.

It's grounding. Takemichi is grateful for all the wrong reasons.

"Takemitchy —" He's taken to using the same nickname as the others. Takemichi wants to close his eyes to the way it comes off of Kazutora's tongue, wants to pretend he can't see how it is shaped into warmth.

It was easier to handle the Kazutora that beat him black and blue. Takemichi wonders if he's simmering right under the surface, the version of Kazutora that wished him dead. If telling Kazutora everything would bring his killing intent bubbling back to the surface, would make those golden eyes harden in disgust.

He wets his lips. He's being unkind, he thinks.

"— I can't face the others if I let you go through with this. Your wedding is three days from now, just leave it for a while."

Doesn't Kazutora know that giving up would kill him all the same? Can't he see what a piece of shit Takemichi is? He couldn't care less about the wedding if Mikey isn't there to smile through it.

To hell with his own life — he wasn't granted these powers to save almost everyone.

Of course he can't tell Kazutora about the powers, or the alternate timelines. He can't mention the blood, the deaths, the try-again-handshake mocking him endlessly as he fucks up yet another leap.

Instead Takemichi opens his mouth and out tumbles:

"I think I'm in love with Mikey."

It isn't at all what Takemichi meant to say and yet he's not surprised by the words — as soon as the idea is formulated it slots into place, a corner piece to the puzzle he's been steadfastly averting his gaze from.

Since when was he breathing this fast?

"Congrats on being the last one to figure that out," Kazutora says, dry and unforgiving.

Takemichi's head snaps up. Kazutora's smile is the jagged and ugly cut of a knife, the jingle of his earring making Takemichi's eardrums feel like they're about to burst.

"So you love him? That doesn't mean you're allowed to die for it. Take it from one who knows."

[yuri-for-businesswomen]

hi do you have any book recommendations for a person trying to figure things out? I'm not against trans rights but the current trans movement has left me very unhappy with their willingness to ignore and or reinforce misogyny. on the other hand radical feminist groups these days focus all their energy and resources on hating trans people and leave nothing for fighting the human rights abuses that women face daily. well I guess I'd describe myself as a gender abolitionist. I'd still rather read a lot of feminist books on both ends of the spectrum before I formulate an opinion, so if there are any books that you think helped you form and understand your position as a radical feminist I would be very grateful for your help

i have mostly read chapters and im terrrrrible with authors but i have a bunch of masterlists saved under #save most are sorted by topic as well!

a good start would be gender trouble by judith butler - its queer theory but therefore essential to understand what modern queerism is based on even though in my opinion they have very much misinterpreted this work - kimberlé crenshaw (not radfem but intersectionality is key to any activism), bell hooks - aint i a woman or feminist theory, audre lorde are feminist essentials. andrea dworkin - right-wing women or pornography is radfem essential. for more recent work, caroline criado perez - invisible women and helen joyce - trans (which i havent read yet myself but i hear its good). sheila jeffreys is also a good radfem author.