#i havent talked to my “friends” in monthes | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

shot-messenger · 5 months

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things r so not good and there is no real sign of it changing any time soon

#i use to have people i could go to when things got hard #i use to have friends who were able to listen to me for more than a few moments without getting tired of me #or atleast i thought i did #i got burnt out and stopped entertaining people and now i am alone most of the time #my friends play the games we use to play without me now like i was never needed #i havent talked to my “friends” in monthes #turns out in the end i was never that important to them #i thought this was a trend i was leaving behind in highschool but i suppose nothing has really changed since then #im still carless im still at a dead end job with no benefits #i am still looking at every interaction i have with the few people in my world and thinking #“any person could fill these shoes. i am not special. i fill a spot. i am an option when there is nothing better”#the only therapist in my network isnt accepting new patients #i am going to rip myself apart from the inside despite doing everything in my power to not destroy what little i have #i am barely surviving right now and i dont know how to get out of the hole im in #unrecoverable #sm.txt #ill probably delete this later

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icewindandboringhorror · 11 months

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I know this is just a silly bad quality random screencap of a screencap that I found on facebook lol, BUT it's a succinct enough image to easily describe the concept in a quick/accessible way hopefully :

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(and of course, feel free to elaborate in tags, etc.! (especially elaborating about other senses as well.. can you "hear" in your mind just as well as you can "see"? taste? etc.) It's an interesting topic to me, as someone who's like a 4.5 at MOST lol. I'm curious what option will be the most common :0c )

#tumblr polls #hrmm... a little poll perhaps.. about a subject I find interesting.. since this image came across my facebook today #still really not feeling that well. no longer shaking violently and such but I still feel weird and weak much more than usual #They did say my markers for like infection or inflammation were elevated but that they werent sure of the cause so hopefully #it's nothing too serious. they did also say a lot of different things can cause that thing to be higher than normal but didn't go into spec #fics of what. maybe some of them are relatively benign or something. I still havent felt much back to normal since #I got really sick that one time though. I feel fine on and off but then little bouts of feeling weird and sick happen. hrmmm #ANYWAY.. looking for small ways to be productive. such as little doodles on evil ipad or editing game videos #or posting polls or cat pictures or some other like not very labor intensive things #I WISH I COULD FOCUS on writing HHRGGhh... I need to finish my game.. it would be so freeing.. a project that's been looming #over my head for like 5 years even though througouht that 5yrs I've probably spent a total of 3 months working on it lo.. ANYWAY #I still partially really cannot beleive that people CAN see stuff in their heads. There's always part of me that's thinking like. well mayb #e everyone DOES see the same exact thing but we just describe/conceptualize it so differently that we think we're talking about #different things when we're really not. But I have been assured by people I've talked to about it that they can GENUINELY really see #stuff in their heads like as vivid as an actual picture in real life or something. And the other senses are neat too. Like for exmaple I #can hear in my head much better than I can see imagery. I still CANNOT hear vividly like as if I were listening to actual music out loud..#but I think it's developed more than my sight. AND interesting how this varies the creative process. a friend I was talking to on the phone #said they write by literally just watching stuff play before them like a movie. where my process is COMPLETELY different. AND that affects #the content/what details we focus on as well as our individual styles of writing have differences that can be traced back to that.. hrmm

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puppyeared · 2 months

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learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way

#experiencing some BIG FEELINGS OVER THIS REVELATION #listen i have never ever been bothered abt not seeing someone in a while or making time to talk to them bc in my mind its like not thst muc #time has passed. i mean it with every fibre of my being that when im like 'oh its ok even though we havent talked in a while and have our #own things going on it doesnt mean we're not friends anymore since we left things on a good note 8 months ago' i sincerely believe that #and for the longest time i just thought everybody makes peace with it at some point and not automatically assuming the other person doesnt #wanna talk to me anymore or smth. my longest lasting friendships are with ppl who work the same way i just thouhght that was normal #whatever organ everybody has that makes them reach out to their friends and plan hang outs i probably dont have it #i was already hesitant to ask out Alex bc i spend almost every waking hour doing smth that isnt talking to ppl unless they happen to be in #the vicinity. and at first it was bc i planned on making sure i had everything set up so i dont get stressed out and do it one at a time #but then i find out theres a friendship decay mechanic? and after dating and marrying someone you lose -10 friendship points for every #day u dont talk to them?? actually ive probably been losing friendship points this whole time without knowing bc of this?????#and i notice a lot of my own habits are also reflected in how i play bc ive been avoiding getting close to pierre and marnie since its more #of a professional relationship. like i know theyre npcs but im approaching it the way i would in real life its fucking nuts #i think its a little relieving im playing /as/ a character than myself bc as im playing im just making up little interactions in my head #than approaching things the way i would myself so it takes a bit of the stress off trying to put myself in there as a spectator. but well #being in a relationship demands a certain amount of energy even more so when theyre things that already take up energy on its own #like making time to talk to your partner and make sure they know theyre loved. i dont always have energy to put all my mental focus into it #and this is true for real life so im not really bothered by not dating anyone. but when its a game and i want my character to be with someo #and i know its fully optional and i know i could just apply the same logic to this i dont /want/ to. sometimes i want to experience #the same things other people do at least to a certain degree without the same emotional andmental stakes #no offense krobus #yapping #stardew #stardew valley #puppy plays sdv #sdv #this game has me by the ankles man

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quinn-pop · 8 months

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uhh. i accidentally made another comic. future au strikes back

(pt 1/3)

a question - 1 2 3

#since this is 3 parts i’ve queued the rest for tomorrow and the day after ^^#apparently i havent really talked about this here in spite of how much ive been thinking about it for months but my mk is demiromantic #ive been a little nervous to talk about it because it’s kind of a whole thing but i hope someone likes it #other than me i mean lol #my friend told me this might be their favorite comic ive done so far tho so im pretty satisfied #even if some of the art bugs me…and my handwriting is awful (sorry guys i was sleep deprived)#anyway i like to think bandee knows everybody’s business just as a side effect of leading the waddle dee corps #waddles love to gossip after all lol it’s how they socialize…even if they try to discourage it ^^’#kirbyposting #my art or something #meta knight #bandee #bandana waddle dee #metadede #headcanons #metadad #quinn does comics #i dont really have any interest in doing a next gen thing so it’s more like a #semi future au #lol

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icantalk710 · 6 months

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Not too bad a day at the office yesterday--helps that we can use our patio in nice weather again 😌--leading into a decent arm day workout 💪🏽 (despite how long it took to get a bench for chest press work 😩)

#ore no kao #was a bit sneaky with a guy or two nearby in the locker room lol #also ffffuck saw my big gym crush two nights in a row and both times we noticed each other more (and pretty sure he made me blush yday lol)#and we still haven't gotten to talk 😩#[or more i still havent gotten out of my head to say something hoping he would first lol]#(*made me blush Tues since i was t9o tired to post this last night lol)#maybe i'll take my coworker's advice and just find myself working out near him with weight needing a spot... 🤔#it hit me last night we've eyed each other here/there for 3-4 months already 😳#[i shouldnt be as shy about trying to talk with him since i literally just had my friend over again on sat for some fun lol but 😩]#i feel like we should've still texted a bit more by now though but he does seem to not be a texter or indeed too busy... hm

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bunnihearted · 5 months

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lately i've been finding it so so hard to be positive and hopeful. and it's making me so bitter and hateful. i hate it but i dont know what to do about it

#idk it's just all too much to deal w #i have sm pains and physical discomforts. money issues. stress bc my avpd is making school very hard for me to finish #i have suicidal thoughts and really bad anxiety every single day. i've basically begged the mental health care system for help for 7 months #like i've kept contacting them and asking them but they havent done anything at all for me. i dont even get to see anyone and talk #i just dont know what to do or how to handle it #im so stressed abt the future. i have to finish school but then choose smth so i can go to school/get a degree & get a job #im holding my mom down and back and i need to find a way to kove out from her and support myself #i have no friends to meet or hangout with and destress with etc etc and im really feeling the lack of it #idk the list just goes on and on and on #nothing is working and idk how to fix it. but also i know that me and only me have to find a way bc there is no help #i struggle bc of my avpd and mental health but there is no treatment for me to get. they just dont wanna give me *any* help at all #im just so frustrated. and every day is the same. everyday is full of some physical pain anxiety stress worries suicidal thoughts etc etc #i cant break free idk how!!!! my life is so fkn boring and pathetic and miserable #i never get to relax bc all of a sudden last year i got extremely noise sensitive. and it's never quiet anywhere in this city #anyway yeah i could just keep going. and like now im feeling anxious bc my tooth is aching :((#it -everything- never stops or lets up or relents. and it makes me wanna die even more.#so... idk im just incapable of being hopeful abt anything and that's really killing me idk

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crescentfool · 3 months

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@catnatch drew whiffy the squiffy for me for artfight! thank you for drawing my girl she is the best 🥺💙

#splatoon #splatoon oc #whiffy the squiffy (oc)#CAT DID SO GOOD DRAWING HER I LOVE MY GIRL SO MUCH!!! SHES A SQUIFFER ICON TO ME!!!#EVERYONE SAY HI TO WHIFFY THE SQUIFFY!!! cat gave me perms to post the attack she did for me since she wont be posting it herself-#and now i have been enabled to say silly things about my girl in the tags (<- guy who would've still typed these even if cat posted it)#in the midst of playing splatoon with my friends i would talk about whiffing my shots... i eventually said something like-#whiffer the squiffer? and then cat told me i should make whiffer the squiffer an actual character and i was like OK #whiffy is supposed to have a twin brother (whiffy) but i havent gotten around to designing him yet 🤧#EDIT: I WHIFFED MY OWN TAGS I MEANT TO SAY THAT HER BROTHER IS NAMED WHIFFER NOT WHIFFY. GIRL HELP #the twins are mascots for squiffer! they're not very good at aiming but they do their best :) they're very loved by the public to me #anyway that's whiffy :) expect more oc posting from me eventually i have decided im not going to be shy about it anymore. hopefully!#and i would say go follow cat but i feel like everyone has seen me rb cat's posts for the past few months at this point LMAOO #BUT U SHOULD !!! its great if u like yochuke :3 #for me! thank you so much!

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frecklystars · 17 days

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i have felt absolutely nothing for any of my F/Os lately and idk if coming back online will help. ive been offline since April just queueing literally everything and occasionally coming online if i need to vent and then deleting it and going offline again. my situation really drained me of all of my energy, constantly feeling unsafe and unable to self ship really hurt me. feeling unsafe both irl and with my F/Os really hurts me and i cannot emphasize how damaging it is to feel so unsafe all the time so consistently for 2 years. but im trying so hard to figure out how to bounce back bc my depression is so severe if im not self shipping. so. what do i do here

idk how to uh, reignite a hyperfixation that's 99% gone. genuinely, what do you do if youre autistic and your special interest of one year is fading out? i dont want to replace it with something else + im so depressed i cannot replace it with something else if i tried. i just wanna feel better with my ryan F/Os again even if it's just a little bit. just enough to keep me going

what do i even do? stream a movie night? take ryan character drawing requests/commissions? roleplay with friends who have offered to make F/O accounts interact with this blog? uhhh... man i dont know. ive watched all of ryan's movies except his older ones, and those aren't going to reignite my hyperfixation since i don't have any new characters to self ship with there

its 6am im just rambling into the void and i havent slept. i just wanted to vent 😭 ill delete this later

#i doooo not want my barbie hyperfixation to leave me so. uh #i know i keep saying 'yeah ill come back online' but dude. i HATE it here #i genuinely hate this hellsite after everything ive been put through #but i am so SO NUMB that i just. dont. care anymore what happens to me #and i'll take feeling numb over feeling intense crippling fear any day. my god i cannot function when im this scared.#vent #delete later #sorry to new followers who have no idea what im talking about. disregard this #i am rarely online but my queue posts 24/7 and i havent opened my inbox in 4 months #or dms. i dont know if i will ever open my dms actually im sorry theyre all just sitting there #my brain is going to explode #i queued an answer to one (1) inbox ask and i havent read the rest yet im sorry #i genuinely hate being here but i also miss self shipping and i miss my friends #i dont know what to do

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shutup-andletme-go · 3 months

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I cannot rely on one person for me to be happy my happiness isn't allowed to be only triggered by one person I can be happy at every little thing it doesn't matter about this one person

#im in too far fucking deep again #and when he leaves again its gonna hurt just as much. but more.#finch posts #he makes me happy beyond belief and i goddamn love having a friend who knows me inside out and has done for so long #but. your love is my drug by kesha comes to mind. its fucking intoxicating talking to him #and last time he left (we were 12 and his parents moved their family) it made me kinda depressed and i was so fucking needy to talk to him #and now we're three and a half months into rekindling the friendship and i feel the same like i get really sad already >#>if i just dont talk to him for a couple of days without like a trip or friends or smthn else to entertain me #songs are starting to remind me of him #fuck fuck fuck #1am in the morning makes me too honrst #i think im still a bit (a lot) in love with them #ohmygod i dont even think it i know it #i should go to sleep earlier #it would stop me having so many thoughts #i havent seen him in multiple years but i can still imagine kissing him #oh fucking hell fuck my actual whole fucking life #and his closest friend where he lives now well they were starting to be a bit of a thing and surely its not fucking normal>#>to daydream about kissing a girl who ive literally never seen a photo of #holy fucking hell i am such a hopeless poly bisexual #WHY DONT WE REWRITE THE STARSSSS #oh this is circling round to my suspicions i might be kinda like demi romantic??#i should buy myself flowers . wait. no. i grow flowers 🫠#well i could still buy myself flowers . and i should #i need to go to the beach #cant wait to get a proper drivers license #if youve made it this far down my crisis hi youve gotten to the stage where u can tell what songs im listening to!

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stupidg0th · 24 days

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vent!!

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thetisming · 23 days

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im actually really worried that im not that interested in &j anymore like ivd been having a hard time writing about it and talking about it online and i mean i talk about it a lot irl but idk like people have been knowing more than me and im starting to feel so incredibly inferior that it's hard for me to enjoy it

#im in this group chaf and im the only one there that doesnt live in new york snf doesnt know any og them irl and theyall know more and see #it a lot and know about the swing order and i dont and ive been feeling so bad about it and it's been so hard for me and then i have friends #that are clearlv better at fandom in general than me so theyre better at characterisation so if i get criticisrd i just feel Terrible and i #havent properly wtitten in ages caude ive been so worried about my characterisation cause a friend very gently criticised me on my character #isation like 2 months ago and i really look up to this person so now i just cant Do anything #and also the thing that they eere pointing out wad more anothrr friend's thing that i didn't even Like much but if someone talks enough i #can be persuaded to anything and also because im just terrified do i #'ll go along with literally anything just because i dont want poeple to hate me #and it's ruining my enjoyment and i mean i made an au and i was hoping that that would make it so that i could maybe write again but nobody #carrd so now i judt cant #i feel so broken right now #also people that were meant to be &j friends are now friend friends and i mean thats Fine #but i cant! handle it!!!#i cant talk about other things unless it's My other things #and i especially cant talk about five nights at freddy's because i used to be hyperfixated on that so now that im.not i just cant! talk abou #t it! or hear about it!!!#not to mention that that game fucking destroyed my life when i was 9 because everyone liked it but i didn't know what it eas anf they wouldn #t explain so now i judt CANT hear about it!!!!!!#i cant do it i cant. do this #i miss when it brought me so much joy but now i hate talking about it online and i cant do it anymore #i can't pretend to care i can't keep being an &j blog even though i do love it!!!! but i feel so insecure and inferior that i just cant!!!!!#i hate this so mcuh im sorry i needrd to get this out #i dont have anything interesting to say anymore and i mean there's also just like. the whole being autistic thing and not wanting peopel to #judge me for my interests which they have my whole life and now it's too much and i cant care this much anymore. i just can't #i dont have anything to contribute either i cant draw and i can't write anymore and i just dont know what to do #sorry

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yanderespamton78 · 3 months

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damn it feels so good to actually have friends who i feel safe around. like to have friends who im not worried that if they find out that i like "cringe" things they wont judge me. woah!!

@angry-avaocardo @silly1xxx @gollyimsosoevil

#appreciation post for my besties✨✨#also the tags got reallylong and rambly just me complainign about the ex friend and a quick update so feell free not to read them if you #dont wanna #theres nothing of substance in there lol #ugh god my old friend the one i made the really long post about asking for advice #i probably mentioned this but i never felt safe to talk about things i like with them #oh god i would never be able to show them defrag #and i probably wouldnt even be willing to ramble about like. the arg or smth to them #id be too worried of them making fun of me #but also they had a way of making it so i hung out with them the most even tho i didnt want to #“me and friend are going to the canteen you two wanna come?”#“[with none of my input] no me and Charlie are staying here”#the only person i felt safe talking about my interests to was a friend that i made when trying to move away frrom the toxic one #a friend who they would consistently ask if i was replacing them with and was so fucking jealous of him #in fact that friend is gollyimsoevil yea that guy #hes great he likes gay addison shit so yk bestie #also they were so good at guilt tripping that now i use their guilt tripping tactics on myself to try and get myself to do things lol #and they would make fun of me so often but GOD FORBID I MAKE FUN OF THEM #they were making fun of me to another person a few /years/ ago so i made some snarky comment about them #because i was really upset by them making fun of me #and they brought it up to me like 2 months ago before we cut them off #like dude you mock and make fun of everything i do so much that ive just stopped talking and completely zoned out whenever im around you #and youre holding some snarky remark that i made when we were like 11 /because you were making fun of me/#UGH #oh ye update on that if anyone cares it went fine they seem to have moved on and are just hanging out with different people now #they havent made any attempt to contact any of us but also havent cut us off #i havent cut them off either ive just left it #i catch them giving me and the other two friends who used to be friends with them dirty looks #but i kinda just ignore it #i have like 5 friends my age who are much much much nicer than them

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vse-kar-vem · 3 months

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i just slept from like 3pm to 9pm and now im trying to figure out if i should get orange juice or try to go to sleep again

#not that anyone asked but im still sick 💔#my parents havent gone to sleep yet and i dont really wanna bump into them ... also the lights are still on #but my mouth is dryer than the sahara desert #but also if my mom thinks im well enough she'll (minor alert 💥💥💥) force me to go to school tomorrow #and i gen dont think i can talk to anyone yet #also im scared my stomach is gonna start hurting again #i have pills in my room but nothing to wash them down w (oj???)#vee rambles #just... uknow... a little update #i have a friend who was out of school for like 2weeks laat month cuz he had the flu-flu so at least im not him ukno

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leorathealien · 4 months

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#pride month #i havent posted any art in like years so i decided to be cryptic about it #i think it would be very funny to post about this as if it was a real fandom and not a thing i made with my friends #i guarantee exactly one person on this website will know what im talking about #my art #rosewood u

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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 8 months

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Oh god.

This summer you sent our mutual friend a package, to get to me. An heirloom, a bit of camp history. Passed down to me.

And on that package, your phone number and address. Your phone number, that I had long deleted from my phone because the urge to call you was always too strong.

When I last saw you in person, you said that when you finally moved to the city it would be with your girlfriend. You would move in together. And surely, she would become your fiancee and then your wife.

There it is. On the package. Your new address, in the city.

I have to keep myself from calling you right now. You probably have my number blocked, and I truly don't know what I'd do if you answered. But I would give anything to hear your voice again.

Even if it's just you saying, "Hello? Who is this?" While her voice is in the background, asking you what you want for dinner.

At this point, I don't even need to be the voice in the background asking what you want for dinner.

I just wish I could be the voice on the other end of your phone call.

#idk if this made sense. its 4am #but storytime i guess #years ago. like four now. i had a best friend #i loved her so much. truly i was in love with her. which was the problem #she had a girlfriend. im sure you can guess where this is going #she cheated on her gf with me. i felt guilty and made her tell her gf. months later but better late than never i guess #her gf made her choose between us. understandable. she chose her gf. understandable #so i got a call one night from her. where she said we could never speak again. we couldnt be in each others lives. and i deserved that #it still killed me though. it still kills me. i havent recovered #but this past summer she sent a package to our mutual friend. for me #just something from the camp we both work at. and there on the package was her phone number and address #two years after she left me she volunteered at the camp i worked at and she used to woek at #we ended up talking. and being friends for that one last week. and she mentioned that she wanted to marry her gf #and move in with her. in the city. so when i saw her city address... yeah #i took a picture of her number and address before throwing away the package. something i remembered tonight #its just sitting in my camera roll. her number and address #and i could never call her. never send her a letter #idk what the point of this storytime was #but this is some half decent writing for 4am #i hope you enjoyed

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bunnihearted · 2 months

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🐇💭

#so yeah i messaged my old friend A a month ago #then we talked a little and i managed to reply with no more than one day inbetween #but then i just go so fkn avoidant in general and didnt reply for two weeks FUCK #i replied now but idk...#this has been a reason in the past why he has ghosted me :(((#so i can just hope he replied again...#but i also was a little crazy and took a deep breath #and asked him if he want to hang out someday lol #im scared and idk it feels anxious af bc i havent seen him in years and years and i dont know how to talk to him anymore #but yeah i figured that even if he doesnt reply now and doesnt wanna meet up #at least i have done whgat i wanted which is to ask him and let him know i would like to meet up #im so anxious abt it tho omggggggg #god i hope he replies... i hope he says yes..bc even if its scary i wanna see him again #even if its just once and we're like oh..#it doesnt work anymore.. at least ive gotten to see him one last time #so yeah im scared but i so badly hope he replies #but i hate myself for being so fkn stupid and useless like why couldnt u #couldnt *i just have replied earlier ffs

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