#i hope this all makes sense

[spinteresting]

I’m seeing a lot of people complain about Izzy seeming out of character in episodes 6 and 7. Or that he changed too quickly.

That seems to be how Izzy felt about Ed changing in season 1. It seemed absurd to him.

In season 1, we were introduced to an Ed who was burned out, bored, depressed, and just tired of being Blackbeard. He wanted to be someone else. And he seemed to embrace a hidden part of himself with Stede.

In season 2, we are shown an Izzy who has endured a much darker Ed than he has ever seen. They’ve been raiding non-stop. Ed has been torturing Izzy and the rest of the crew. And it seemed like Izzy had been trying to protect the rest of the crew from him. Clearly this was not what Izzy wanted when he said he wanted Blackbeard back.

Izzy did alot of really shitty things in season 1. We know that. He knows that. And the crew knows too. But Jim, Frenchie, Archie, and Fang have clearly bonded with Izzy to an extent. They protect him and keep him alive. The dynamic has already shifted significantly from what we saw in season 1.

Then in episode 4 of this season, we see Izzy feeling miserable and depressed. When the crew make him a new leg and give him the note, it give him new life because he sees that they have forgiven him. And he changed to fit in with the crew! Which is exactly what we see Stede ask Ed to do at the beginning of episode 5.

Izzy understood that he needed to change and at this point probably wanted to change and join in with this family. He’s still snarky. He’s still drinking a lot.

Izzy’s change into a kinder person happened off screen before season 2 started to a huge degree. That’s obvious by the crews intervention. They care about him now. And the next few episodes move Izzy along on his character journey.

[zapazai]

We know Mickey has never met Monica in person, and I wonder what Ian telling Mickey about her? Maybe he shares some childhood stories with her (mostly bad but good to), and he can tell only Mickey about their complicated relationship? And what Mickey's opinion about Monica would be if he got to know her personally? Idk, i think he's not actually gonna like her

Imo Mickey hates Monica. I can only see him hate her more if they had met.

I think mickey( because of his relationship with Ian) would be able to sympathise with Monica in some ways but never like her. One of the first emotional moments for mickey and Ian is because of monica. He's introduced to her by Ian, literally running to him for help. So his view of her has always been negative.

I don't completely agree with the idea that he has never seen her, tho. They hadn't formally met, but he grew up like a block away from the Gallaghers and went to the same schools, so he's seen bits of her growing up. Nothing significant enough to change his opinion on her, but enough that he can somewhat accurately imagine what she was like.

Ian gets to tell mickey about the best bits of monica without any pushback. He can't do that with anyone else. It's the fact that mickey has no first-hand experience with monica that let's Ian have a space to love her. That love translates to mickey in a small way. I still think Ian would tell mickey all the bad, of course. Mickey can enjoy those good memories in a way that ians siblings can't because to mickey, they are just good memories.

But mickey is the one who gets to see just how badly Monica affects Ian. Mickey holds Ian when he's depressed and stays beside him when he's manic. Mickey will always blame Monica. He knows that she didn't choose to give her illness to Ian, but she did. Mickey is extremely protective, so he hates the people who hurt Ian.

If mickey had had a chance to know Monica, they dont get along well. Monica has a very positive and kinda overwhelming personality. That just isn't something mickey likes. Even if Monica had been the perfect parent, mickey would still find her a little jarring. I do think monica would like mickey, though. Monica, behind her faults, does want the best for her kids, and mickey is what's best for Ian.

[purpleshadow-star]

Here's the actual analysis as to why El is just as bad of a romantic partner to Mike as Mike is to her (and why they just don’t work romantically in general).

(this is going to include both reasons why El is not a good romantic partner and just general observations as to why Mike and El don’t work romantically)

Relationships work two ways. Mike and El don't work not only because Mike can't love El the way she wants to be loved but also because El hasn't ever proved that Mike can confide in her and be vulnerable with her, which is important for a relationship. We have literally never seen El comfort Mike about anything, or even ask if he’s okay or how he’s doing. We've seen Mike try to comfort El in S4, but we've never seen it the other way, not even in the slightest.

Let's start at the beginning.

This lack of mutual trust and this weariness to be vulnerable with each other stems from the fact that Mike and El never established a proper friendship before getting together. Friendship is where people get to know each other and learn to trust each other. Friendship is the foundation to any good romantic relationship.

Mike has proved that he can be there for El from the beginning. He took her in when they found her, he gave her a place to stay, and he protected her, despite the fact that it was dangerous for him to do any of this.

Mike and El met, knew each other for a week, and then were separated. During that week, Mike did his part to establish the beginning of a friendship. El didn't even know what it was to have friends, so obviously, she was slower in reciprocating the friendship completely.

El was able to establish the beginnings of a true friendship with everyone in the party, so they all considered her their friend, and she considered them her friends, but they never really got to know each other. Mike and El in particular were torn apart before they could get to know each other well enough to develop true romantic feelings, and it didn't help that people such as Lucas and Nancy gave Mike the idea that he should be interested in El romantically. The fact that Mike kissed El was a major setback for their platonic relationship.

Because they were never able to establish a good, strong, platonic relationship first, and since they never really go to know each other, this set up a very shaky foundation for any other relationship they tried to build.

During their year apart, El watched a lot of romance shows and movies, to the point where she could quote the TV. She gained this idea of love that isn't realistic, but since she and Mike kissed, and the people in love on the TV kissed, and she cared for Mike, she probably rationalized that her positive feelings for him must be romantic, just like the people on TV.

Because of this, when they reunited in season 2, El already had it in her mind that their relationship should be romantic. She wasn’t trying to be his friend anymore, not like with the rest of the party. She thought that they should be romantic. Boyfriend and girlfriend. Like the people on TV. This is shown when she tried to kiss him before she left with Hopper to go to the lab in season 2. El made that move, not Mike. Mike didn’t even lean forward. And then the Snowball happened, and Mike kissed El once again, and (presumably) that night, they established their romantic relationship.

(It is important to note that Max and Lucas also got together at the Snowball, and they had the same amount of time to get to know each other (About a week and the one month time skip at the end of season 2). The only difference is that we saw Lucas and Max actually talking about themselves and getting to know each other. We didn’t see that with Mike and El in season 1)

We really start to see the result of that shaky foundation in season 3. In the beginning, we saw Mike and El make out and seemingly have a good time together. Mike left, and then we saw that their make-out session caused Mike to be late to meet up with the rest of the party.

As the season went on, we saw how Mike and El’s relationship affected everyone else. We learn that they’d been ditching their friends (causing Will and Dustin to be noticeably upset), and they’re being disrespectful to Hopper.

We also saw that El didn’t really like Mike’s idea of fun. He tried to be silly and have fun in the first make-out scene, and she stopped him and pulled him back into making out. We learned through Will that they hadn't played DnD in a while, and he implied that they hadn’t really been doing anything fun lately. Mike had essentially given up the things he liked to do in order to hang out with El.

As far as we saw, Mike and El spend most of their time making out and not actually doing anything else that the two of them enjoy together, such as listening to music (to enjoy it, not just as background noise while making out), playing games (like El and Max do later), reading comics (also like El and Max do later), watching TV together, or even just talking. It’s almost like making out is the only thing they both know the other likes to do.

(Also note that a lot of this has to do with their age. For the most part, dating is the stage to get to know someone before making it official, but because Mike and El are so young, they don’t know this. They have a set idea of what dating and relationships means in their minds, and they don’t have the life experience to know that dating means getting to know one another, not just spending all your time together making out (especially El, who was in a lab for almost her whole life and mostly learned about other people and the world through romance TV). Usually, you go on dates, then, if you like each other, you enter a relationship. Dating people who you didn’t know before is basically the “being friends” stage. They seem to skip the dating part entirely, and they go straight into a relationship. For anyone, but especially kids that young, a good relationship needs to be built on a good friendship)

When Mike lied to El, she broke up with him, which was completely fair since he kept on lying. Then, she went on with Max and didn’t think about him too much after that. We saw that the breakup didn’t really affect her. 

During the rest of the season, we saw Mike in danger multiple times. We saw Mike get concerned for El, but we never once saw El ask Mike how he was doing. We never saw El check up on Mike. Not like how Jonathan checked up on Nancy after she was attacked by the Mind Flayer, despite him having been injured to the point that he almost passed out only a few minutes prior. Not like how Joyce was concerned about and took care of Hopper after he was beat up by the Russian soldier.

At the end of season 3, El told Mike that she loved him and it was heavily implied that she said this because she overheard Mike say it in the other room earlier in the season, but Mike didn’t say it back.

Mike never told El he loved her to her face. She was the first (and only) one to say it face-to-face.

Remember that.

In season 4, we learn from El’s letter that she was lying to Mike. She was completely lying, not just leaving out the bad parts of her life in California. When Mike arrived in California, we saw that El was a bit upset with Mike for writing “From Mike” on the flowers instead of “Love Mike,” but she brushed it off. Then, the roller rink happened, and El’s lies were exposed. Instead of coming clean, she even tried to convince Angela to play it off as a joke. Then, later that night, she retreated, and she isolated herself.

The next day, we saw Mike try to comfort El. He didn’t get upset about the fact that she had lied to him. He simply asked for an explanation. He tried to help her feel more comfortable telling the truth by reminding her that he’s been bullied his whole life. He told her he understood, and he opened up to her and reminded her about his own traumatic memories, only for her to tell him that he didn’t understand. She disregarded his experiences and said that he didn't understand, even though she literally watched him almost kill himself because of a bully.

And still, even after she dismissed his experiences with bullying, he didn’t get mad. He asked for her to explain. Then, she opened up about her own insecurities, and she said that she thought everyone, including him, looked at her like she’s a monster. When Mike tried to reassure her, when he told her he cared for her, El decided to move the conversation off of herself and onto Mike.

Mike is understandably taken off guard by this. El then proceeds to insist that, just because Mike didn’t write the word “love” in his letters, that meant he didn’t love her, despite his reassurances.

Now, obviously, Mike is also in the wrong in this conversation. He lied and said that he did say that he loved her when he didn’t, and he really didn’t handle the situation well after they moved onto the topic of him loving her (ex: saying she was being ridiculous, etc.), but that doesn’t change the fact that El continued pushing this topic that he clearly wasn’t comfortable with. She never considered that maybe he wasn’t ready to say it yet. Again, remember, Mike hadn’t actually said he loved her to her face yet, so really, there should not be any expectation that he should be saying it to her face, or even writing it, right now.

All in all, so far, we’ve seen El lie to Mike, not apologize for lying for months, invalidate his bullying experiences, and get upset with him for not saying something that really shouldn’t have been an expectation yet.

None of this got resolved.

El got arrested. Then, when they reunited, there was no time to really talk about the fight until they made it to Surfer Boy’s Pizza. That little talk they had before Argyle came with the pizza would have been the perfect time for El to apologize for lying and for what she said about his bullying during the fight, but that didn’t happen. So, El never apologized for lying, even after Mike apologized for not saying he loved her more.

None of this means that El is a bad person. El and Mike just don't work romantically because they aren't able to be vulnerable around each other. The one time they talk about how they feel with each other, they end up with a fight that never truly gets resolved. It wasn't resolved with the monologue, not only because Mike’s truthfulness in the monologue was questionable, but also because the argument started with the fact that El lied to Mike, not the issue of Mike not saying he loved her, and that never got resolved.

El hasn’t once shown Mike that he can confide in her, and that, along with many other factors, is why their relationship isn’t going to work out. They needed to establish that platonic bond first. They needed to establish a friendship to fall back on when things in the romantic aspect of their relationship got shaky. If they had established that friendship first, they would be more comfortable going to each other and opening up about their troubles.

With a more solid friendship, they would have been able to go to each other for comfort or reassurance, the same way Mike was able to go to Will, his best friend first and foremost, and talk to him when he was upset and feeling insecure. Also, the same way Max went to Dustin, her friend, when she was worried about the Eddie/Chrissy situation instead of trying to go to Lucas.

Max and Lucas had the same amount of friendship time as Mike and El, and even though they had a better pre-romance friendship, it ultimately wasn't enough to save their relationship. The difference is that Max and Lucas spent season 4 building their friendship back up and solidifying that foundation so that when they do get back together, they’ll be stronger than ever. Mike and El (well, mostly Mike) spent season 4 trying to save their romantic relationship, which is why it still isn’t very strong, even at the end of the season.

Again, this doesn’t make either of them awful people. This all just shows that they are not good for each other romantically, and they never really have been.

So, to conclude my long rambling, as much as Mike idolizes El and her powers, as much as Mike can’t tell El he loves her to her face or without being prompted, as much as Mike can’t show El that he loves her and make her feel loved, El also is completely uninterested in the things that make Mike happy, El never apologized for lying to Mike for months, El invalidated Mike’s traumatic experiences with bullying, and El has never shown Mike that he can go to her for comfort and reassurance.

[morkiemcfly]

To be honest, I think the Zelda Lore works best if you just…don’t think about it too much. The lore is interesting for sure once you get really into it but really the entire franchise is full of plot holes because it’s the LEGEND of Zelda, that’s exactly what they are, legends that are passed down through hundreds and hundreds of years, all told by different people who aren’t going to remember everything or tell the stories the exact same way. So I think that’s why especially with BOTW/TOTK and the Timeline in general, it feels so disconnected now. But honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

[circular-bircular]

Why do you use parts language? I’m not trying to be mean but it feels really weird to see someone call themselves less than a person. Like I’m watching someone hurt themselves. I want to understand more.

I really love puzzles. I have a 1000 piece puzzle of the night sky that I’m going to be doing soon (hopefully). It’s pretty difficult; a lot of the pieces look the same. But if I look closely, I can see the very, very minute differences. And of course, some are very different — a big bright star versus a black inky sky.

I like to put puzzles together. I like the relaxation that I feel from finding the way to make it form something more — something bigger than it was before. It can be frustrating at times, yes, and I sometimes need to step away from the puzzle and leave the pieces to rest, but in time, I’ll always return and work on finding those connections again.

My goal is to one day put all of those pieces together to form a bigger picture. But I’m not like those people who glue it down or frame the completed puzzle on the wall; I usually take a picture of completed puzzles. I don’t personally want to take those pieces and fuse them together; I just choose to appreciate how those pieces can fit together.

I’m mostly grateful this is a new puzzle. I know there’s no pieces missing. There’s nothing more heartbreaking to me when I am almost done a puzzle and discover that a piece is missing. That’s because the pieces are just as important as the big picture; each one holds so much value, and without those pieces, the picture just isn’t complete.

I don’t understand how anyone could look at those pieces and deem any of them less important.

… does that make sense?

I know that was esoteric, and I want to leave that post at just that, but I’m also autistic and understand how extended metaphors can sometimes muddy the waters.

Firstly; your system isn’t mine. I’ve found great healing from using parts language, but if it discomforts you so much, it might be a good idea to just block that terminology on tumblr! What works for me might not work for you.

Secondly; I’m not less than a person simply due to being a part. I’m just as valuable — maybe even more so, in my eyes — than a single person. My value as a part doesn’t dip in any way simply because I am a part. I’m still just as worthy of respect, love, and joy as any other person out there.

Thirdly; I also use it/its pronouns at times, and I’ve found people are uncomfortable with that for similar reasons. I use them because I have a large disconnect from myself, and (particularly while online), I feel more like an object than a person. That is very, very particularly a dissociative thing, and is SPECIFICALLY dehumanizing myself — but it’s also not hurting me. It’s something that brings me gender euphoria (again, just in specific instances) and grounds me to reality. And that really circles into point 4:

It’s not hurting me. I am so, so happy to have parts language. If you’re curious, I use the tag “#parts language my beloved” a lot for posts about why parts language works for me. It’s helped so much. And that’s why I use it; it helps me.

[aleeyenn]

Can you talk about more your headcannon about Tree and his relationship with Leafy

sure!!! i’ll try to keep it short (also shout out to my friend max for a bunch of these ideas he’s the one who made me like this headcanon and gave me all the juice max if you’re reading HAAAY!)

i like to think of tree as an older sibling to leafy but he’s super protective of her they’re close and love each other a bunch but they have disagreements especially revolving around firey because tree thinks firey is a bad person/influence on leafy because of what happened between them even after their problem was solved leafy of course still goes out with firey even tho tree disapproves and he is always sour about it but deep down he’s only like that because he’s worried firey is gonna take leafy away from him But of course! the problem will be solved eventually and they’ll talk it out and it’ll all be happy and nice i can never leave a story with a bad ending TEEHEE but yeah…

here is some old stuff i did with tjem!

[stingrayloveblog]

Alright because I'm curious: What is wrong with Marina's quest to help sanitized octolings? Because as far as what little we knew about it it was blended up people, removed memories to make mem cakes, and then if you botch it, then you become part of them. It was both vague enough to get the general idea across and open enough for more information to be revealed.

So what didn't you like about the idea?

The problem was that in octo expansion, we were told that the sanitized octolings had no vital signs, and in typical splatoon lore fashion, we were told in a dev interview that sanitized octolings are formed out of sanitization ink. Its hard to take dev interview information seriously, but judging by the fact that they rarely ever put actual important worldbuilding details in the game we have to take what we can get. Basically meaning, none of the sanitized octolings are any one person in particular. They cant get their memories back because they arent any original person. Theyre basically walking frankensteins monster corpses with no purpose but to do whatever kamabo tells them to do. Letting the color chip memories "sort themselves out" inherently has way too many risks and issues. It straight up just would not work. Anyone can have any color chips in their pallet. And if any color chip is made of any mem cakes, all marina essentially did was destroy the memories and basically do exactly what kamabo co did. The only one it would probably work on is acht since they are visibly not fully sanitized and the devs, for some godforsaken reason, decided not to give acht any reasonable or sensible plot relevance at all regarding literally anything that was going on. This basically means either only some sanitized octolings are made from the ink while others are just regular octolings that got sanitized, or they just retconned that first fact. They also tried to say that agent 8 is sanitized when they are clearly obviously visibly not sanitized in any way, shape, or form, unless theyre only now trying to make sense of how sanitization works by making it a multi-stage process. This still makes acht a complete outlier in the sanitization process since they remember everything pre-kamabo (while conveniently acting like they didnt canonically willingly get sanitized in the first place), while eight remembers nothing. Either way, the character creation part of octo expansion doesnt line up with agent eights canon backstory. Thats a whole other thing though.

Another issue is fuzzified octolings. No mention of them or anything that happened in alterna. From what we can gather from alterna, there is no more octarian army or at least a huge chunk of them are gone frok their society because of alterna. And yet, this plot point isnt brought up ever again, even within alterna since they for some reason forgot octavio existed right after forcing him into the story. Also, they had a hint that dedf1sh got fuzzified too, with one alterna track being named #35 captured, yet here they are, perfectly fine and still sanitized. Also doesnt help that fuzzification is functionally the same as sanitization, it just happens on contact instead, but nothing about memories is focused on. Marina absolutely should have been aware that a huge chunk of octarian society went missing to the point where even octavio went to look for them, unless side order happens before alterna, in which case it still ends up making marinas efforts useless.

The problem too with what marina did is that they showed no proof of any of it actually working. Agent 8 was supposed to be the first one to test it out, meaning we never actually know if the color chip-mem cake thing actually works, nor will we know if it will ever work, because for some reason we still let smollusk take control over the order sector. Marina should not have to hack her own creation to make things work. And sure, they have this one-off line thats like "wow eight you got your memories back !!", but thats something that couldve been shown so that its actually impactful and so that eight has an actual motive in the story that isnt just Stand There And Do Things Because You Were Told To, as well as Stand There And Listen To These People Talk To Each Other simulator. They even had mentions of other octoling devs that helped her make the memverse and yet we dont get any focus on them either. Smollusk talks about them, yet somehow they arent made important to the plot. This also implies that octolings can just go back and forth freely between their society and the surface, unless these devs also happened to leave and just so happened to not be involved with the fuzzification issue. We also have the case of people supposedly being dragged into the memverse and they look spaced out in the real world, yet thats also not made into an actual plot point and instead just mentioned once and never focused on again. If they had just shown any actual impact to the characters or the real world at all, maybe it wouldve been more interesting. They really went with a tell-not-show route with side order and it sucked.

And, to add on, it wasnt only octolings that kamabo co did stuff to. Iso padre is the biggest example of that. He lost his memories too. Yet they decided to leave him out of the story when he arguably wouldve been more relevant to what was actually happening than acht was, but unfortunately they opted to focus more on adding a popular character to the story for the sake of adding new useless information about a character and nothing else. All they had to do was make acht actually involved with the actual plot and not just sit in the elevator doing literally nothing and adding literally nothing but dialogue for them and marina to act like they just saw each other last week.

[chaosandwolves]

Hold on

Eddie's control over his emotions had been integral to his survival in the past. But the second Eddie's eyes fall on Buck's limp body suspended mid air, the second his brain has caught on to what this means, to what this could mean, all the control in him evaporates. Buck's name tears from his throat without his doing.

Read on AO3

3,2k words, 6x10 and 6x11 coda

They know. They all know the second Buck's limp body comes into their view. 

Eddie knows, too. And Eddie knows that Hen, Chim and Bobby know what this sight means just as much as Eddie does. 

But Eddie refuses to accept it. He lets the reality ricochet off himself and throws it back at the universe. 

No. This is not acceptable. 

He doesn't accept the harsh statistics cause this is Buck and Buck always comes out ok at the end. 

It doesn't HAVE to mean that… Buck's heart is strong, stronger than most. The lightning must've simply knocked him out. Just for a moment. 

The thing is that ever since that day where he had found out about Mills, ever since everything crumbled in him, ever since all that control he so desperately had hung on to exploded into blind rage and despair and fell apart and landed onto nothing but fear; ever since then something in Eddie has been cracked open. Just like Frank had said. The box he'd built around all the pain had exploded. 

He knows what it is. He's talked around it in therapy and when Frank asked him, "What did this control serve? Why did you feel the need to hide behind it?" he finally understood. 

Growing up, it was always expected of him. To be the strong one, the one to keep his cool and to fill in the role of his father when he wasn't around, or even when he was. 

Thinking about this, it might've already moulded him for the army: Bite down, swallow the emotions, carry on. 

It's what he needed to survive. 

To survive the news that Shannon was pregnant which meant that he had to let go of the hopes and dreams he'd stored away somewhere in the back of his heart, to make room for Shannon and a kid and do what was expected of him. 

To survive the news that their son, the only person he allowed himself to fully open his heart to, has CP. 

To survive the tours. 

He needed the control in order to make the decision to move to LA so he could give Christopher a better life. 

Chris was all that mattered. 

And then came Buck. 

Buck who, after a short-lived misplaced hostility started to have Eddie's back like no one else before. 

Buck who saw his son and directly made room for him in his big heart. 

Buck who learned about his struggle and introduced him to Carla. 

Buck who had saved his son. 

Buck who goes to the zoo with Chris and makes homework with him and has running jokes with him which Eddie doesn't understand. 

But even with Buck there, Eddie still had to hang on to that control. 

He couldn't afford to pause and think about things. 

He couldn't allow himself to break into the bad things of the past when the present demanded all of his attention; when his son and team needed him to function. 

But somewhere in a hidden corner inside him, he knew he had it coming. 

Maybe that's why he listened to others and asked Ana out. 

It's easier to just do what's expected of you or even what people expect will be good for you rather than following your own heart. 

Especially if it leads you to a place or a person that deserves the full you and not the you that's so desperately grasping the last bits of control to their chest. 

He had known that the shield he had built around him had become thin and fragile with time. 

Being shot gave it a crack he wasn't able to mend anymore. Then the panic attacks and Chris' worry rattled it so violently that he could feel the control slipping and slipping. 

But control is what had allowed him to survive. 

Until it all imploded and he found himself crying on his bedroom floor with a bat in his bloody hands. 

And then Buck was there, willing to pick up the pieces and ready to give him reasons to replace the surviving with living. 

That's how Eddie slowly found the courage to loosen the desperate grip he had on his control. 

Eddie didn't lie when he told his father that he wants to become better for himself. 

His life has been exhausting. Always keeping up the facade, always the strong one, no weakness allowed; not in front of anyone else anyway. 

But then he watches Buck, how he loves and feels so freely and so much. 

He witnesses Booby taking care of his kids and his team in every way possible. 

Feels the enormous strength and compassion Hen holds for every patient and every person in her life. 

He laughs at Chim's remarks and silly jokes and his heart warms when he sees the unconditional love he has for his daughter and partner and family. 

And Eddie wants this for himself. He wants to feel free and not anchored to the ground by his self made chains. 

He wants to be open, wants to share and wants to let in. 

And it's Buck who's made this possible. And it's Buck who he's let in first. 

Eddie knows he won't ever be able to wear his heart on his sleeve like Buck does and that's ok. But he wants to fill that hole inside him that the ever present control had ripped open and left him with. He wants to heal. 

It's not that the habit of controlling his own emotions just vanished. But overall it somewhat softened. 

His survival doesn't depend on it anymore. 

He's still able to keep it together though, in order to do his job. He'd be a bad firefighter and paramedic if he wasn't able to keep a basic level of control. 

But the second Eddie's eyes fall on Buck's limp body suspended mid air, the second his brain has caught on to what this means, to what this could mean, all the control in him evaporates. 

Buck's name tears from his throat without his doing. 

His body is almost too slow to follow his frantic brain as he scrambles to get up the ladder. 

A bitter rational voice in him tells him that he should prepare himself in case he's too late, that he can't save him, that the lightning took Buck from him. 

But Eddie doesn't care. He shuts that god awful voice up and counters it by shouting for Buck as loud as he can. 

His only focus is to get to Buck and his name leaves Eddie's lips in a desperate mantra. 

When he's finally at the top of the ladder the frantic thoughts in his brain tumble over themselves. His first instinct is to bring Buck closer to him, so he tries to pull him up but the rain makes everything slippery and he doesn't have enough leverage from this angel to pull Buck's dead weight up to him. 

And Buck doesn't move, doesn’t respond to his frenzied shouts. 

He needs him to move, to do something. 

Eddie knows he won't respond. But he has to try, has to reach him somehow, has to remind Buck to fight. 

"Can you hear me?" He feels like his brain is falling apart trying to understand what he sees and doesn't see in front of him. It's like his mind is melting when he tries to force Buck to answer through the sheer power of his will. Come on, talk to me, talk to me. Please. 

But he's not moving. He's not moving. 

"Buuuuck!!!" His name rips from Eddie's throat again. He puts his all into it. Desperate to reach Buck, to wake him up. 

He knows he has to lower him to the ground. Everything in him recoils at the thought of letting Buck out of his proximity but he's not answering and as frantic and free falling as he feels, Eddie knows what he has to do to give Buck a chance. So he shouts for more slack and does his best to lower Buck down at a steady yet fast pace. 

All the while he's trying to persuade Buck in his mind to 'Hang on, hang on, please hold on.'

As soon as Buck is transferred to the gurney, Eddie hurries to make his way down to him. 

Telling himself that Buck is ok, that he'll be fine. 

When he finally makes it to the ground, he's even more frantic. Before he has properly reached them, he yells at Bobby, Hen and Chim, begs them to give him Buck's status, "Talk to me, talk to me!" 

But as soon as he's at Buck's side, Bobby pulls him away.

But it's too late. Eddie's seen him. 

Eddie's seen his too still face, no bright eyes glinting at him, no crooked mischievous grin on full lips, no familiar voice reciting to him all the facts there are to know about storms and lightning like it had done the rest of the day. 

It's not right. This is not right. 

It's all so wrong. 

The silence on Buck's lips is breaking him as Buck's name falls from his own. 

But Bobby pushes him away, pulls him along and tells Eddie to drive and forces him to move. 

Eddie feels wild as they're walking back to the front of the ambulance. 

He'd never fight Bobby, doesn't question his commands but oh how he wants to right now. 

He knows that Hen and Chim will do everything they can, that they won't give up, that they're good at what they're doing. Yet, all he wants to do is push Bobby away and get in the back of the ambulance to do something.

He should be with Buck. He owes it to Buck to save his life and he just can't bear the thought of Buck being alone right now. 

Eddie knows he's not being reasonable. Buck isn't alone; people who love him are taking good care of him at this very moment. 

But they're not Eddie. It's his place, his responsibility to be at Buck's side. 

He promised Buck. Buck is his partner; they are supposed to have each other's back. 

And he once promised Chris, too; to always look after Buck. 

And he's failed. Eddie has failed his son, has failed Buck. He didn't see it coming, couldn't even pull Buck up to him. 

Eddie knows that Bobby was right to push him back and make him be the one to drive. He's at least doing something that way while Chim and Hen are working on Buck. 

And Eddie can feel it; feel it all crumbling around him at the edges and he's sure Bobby can see him falling apart. 

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Eddie knows that Bobby is suffering, too. Buck is like a son to him. 

Eddie has to control himself enough to get to the hospital as fast as he can; for Bobby, for Buck. 

So he wipes his mouth which feels like it's foaming and pulls himself together enough to be able to climb into the driver's seat. 

It's really funny how life plays out, isn't it? A lightning strike was the reason why he was buried alive; the reason he made Buck Christopher's legal guardian in case something happened to him. 

Because Buck loves Chris like he's his own. 

And now Buck is about to have an actual biological child which really will be less his than Christopher is and the lightning hits again; 

possibly taking Buck from them, robbing Buck of the chance of being a father. 

Somewhere out there someone probably would call this all poetic and theorize about the universe and destiny. 

Eddie, however, is angry. 

He's angry at the universe, angry at the storm, angry at himself. 

Cause he didn't plan for this. It's never been a question to him if Buck would still be there in case something happens to Eddie himself. It was always a given. 

After all, it's been Eddie who's had multiple brushes with death. Buck was always supposed to live, to survive. 

Eddie, though…. If he's honest with himself he's been anticipating death's cold claws closing around his heart ever since they went down in that chopper. 

And he wouldn't care much if it wasn't for Chris. 

But when Buck had told him that day, that it would've been better if it had been him who was shot, when he so clearly revealed how little he values his own life, Eddie had to tell him. He had to make sure that Buck would fight, for himself and for his son. 

It gave him a certain kind of peace knowing Buck would be there, Buck would survive. 

He never planned on the possibility that Buck wouldn't be there. 

Buck has been their safety net. He's saved Chris, he's saved Eddie. He's been their friend, confidant, partner. 

He's always had their backs. And now, now Eddie had failed to have his. 

And that's just not acceptable. It's not what Buck deserves. It's not enough.

Eddie really had thought he loved Shannon and he did and it hurt when she died. 

They were friends once and she's Christopher's mother, how can he not love her?

But he understands now that this love wasn't the love he wanted it to be or that he thought it to be. 

No. That kind of love is something that has grown over the past few years. He didn't even understand or realize it at first but as he sees Buck's lifeless body on the gurney, he knows. He's known it before somewhere deep down and he's been content with leaving it there. But now it's risen to the surface and he can't push it back, he doesn't want to. Because it belongs to Buck and he's not going to deny him this, he's not going to withhold it from him. Buck deserves this kind of love. 

Eddie doesn't care if it's reciprocated. It's his to give and Buck's to receive. 

The second he brings the ambulance to a halt, he's out of the door and at its back. As soon as the door is opened and the gurney is being moved out, Eddie's hands are on Buck's chest to keep the compressions going. 

When Chim motions to take over again, he doesn't budge.

This is his place. This is where he needs to be right now. It's him who has to pump the life back into Buck's heart. 

Opposite him Bobby rattles down the facts of who they're bringing in and what happened before Chim orders to shock Buck. Eddie barely lets go, leaving only the smallest bit of space between him and Buck. He watches Buck's chest being lifted off the gurney by the force of yet another electrical shock coursing through his body. The second Chim needs to press his fingers against Buck's pulse points doesn't seem to pass and Eddie feels like he's sinking into tar like nothingness. 

But then Chimney declares, "He's got a pulse!" And Eddie's knees almost buckle. 

He doesn't care about the tear falling from his eyelashes. 

The doctors and nurses take over and Eddie almost grabs for them, for Buck. He knows though that they are the ones who are more qualified now. 

So he lets go and just watches Buck being wheeled into the ER. 

Eddie doesn't quite pay attention to what Bobby is telling the nurses beside him but when the doctor says, "We do our best" as they’re disappearing around the corner with Buck he can't help himself. 

His anger and own helplessness push the words up his throat before he can think about it, "Do more!" 

Because that is what Buck deserves. Best is not enough. Because Buck is always doing more than 'best' and somehow Eddie needs to fix this imbalance right there and then. 'Best' can’t ever be enough. Not for Buck. 

Buck deserves the world because he is so integral to Eddie's world and to the lives of the rest of their family that it would all crumble and burn without him in it.

And then Buck vanishes out of his view. 

For a moment Eddie can't move, his eyes fixed on the corridor in front of him, his brain not able to process any of it. 

But when Bobby moves he forces himself to do the same. 

None of them is able to say anything. The shock and horror of what just happened clearly written on all their faces. 

Eddie drags himself a few steps back struggling to not completely break right there and then. A few more tears fall from his eyes as he's trying to blink them back while he wraps an arm around Chim who in turn pulls him into his side and Eddie takes a deep breath in to keep himself from falling apart when Bobby places his arm around Eddie's shoulder from the other side. 

For a long while they just stand there arm and arm. None of them able and maybe not willing to accept the reality that Buck's life is now in the hands of strangers behind closed doors. 

That their Buck is not with them. 

That they all just had a lifeless Buck under their hands, his dead body.

The horror of this sudden realization knocks the breath out of Eddie's lungs and his knees buckle. 

Bobby and Chim catch him and Hen is in front of him in an instant. 

He can't decipher any of their words over the rushing noise in his ears. 

His uniform suddenly feels too tight and he tries to pry it off with his hands. The hands that just had to pump blood through Buck's heart cause it wasn't doing that on its own anymore. 

Black spots start to dance in his vision. He feels hands on his cheeks and suddenly Hen's face comes into a blurry focus. 

Somehow her words make it through to him, maybe it's her tone, so gentle and warm, "Eddie, you're having a panic attack. I need you to breathe with me." 

And Eddie?

Eddie laughs. Of course he has one right now. Of course. 

They're about to call for someone to bring another gurney but the images of Buck's body unmoving in front of him flash up before his eyes and he croaks out a, "No. No. 's ok." 

And for some reason they don't argue with him. Instead, Bobby and Chim guide him sideways, sit down on the ground with him and don't let go while Eddie does his best to follow Hen's instructions and to pull himself back together. 

In the back of his mind he thinks of Chris and then a rapid sequence of half formed thoughts rush through his brain and it feels like his heart is shattering. 

He feels like a little boy crying for his mother when all he can think is that he just wants to be at Buck's side, wants to hear his laugh, wants to see his smile, wants to watch him and Chris getting excited over one of the animals in the zoo; he wants to hold his hand. 

His still uneven breath hitches and it's all he can do to turn into Bobby's chest when he starts crying as Buck's name leaves his throat in a choked whisper for one more time. 

[wanderingmind867]

Random tangent (seeing as my interest in comics is fairly marginal for right now), but I have had comics hyperfixations before. And there's at least one reason they probably don't last (besides the fact that all my hyperfixations come and go): I've got a crippling desire for chronology. Whenever I'm reading, I feel like I have to go from the very start. That's fine with books, but with comics there's so many characters and comics. It's impossible to get all the context, but my brain always inevitably tries. It hasn't prevented me from writing some ideas for comics characters years ago, but it has stopped me from reading very far.

[fansids]

While I'm on the topic. I kind of do and don't like that Balto had strayed so far from the actual event it was based on, especially since the original Balto was a purebred siberian husky who was already somewhat of an underdog as his owner didn't think he'd amount to much, and had him neutered as a result since he thought he was too stocky and wouldn't be as fast as a sled dog. Yes, I know Balto didn't run a majority of the race and only got famous because he was the lead dog in the last 55 miles stretch. Yes I know Togo ran the worst and the longest at over 200 miles, but the movie is called Balto, not Togo.

Anyway, with my enjoyment of the actual story and Balto's history, mixed with my undying love of wolves and the howling scene I could not bear to part with, I thought to myself: What if Balto and Steele were half-brothers?

I may be sleep deprived, but hear me out:

.

.

.

Okay, I am sleep deprived as I forgot my reasoning while I was writing this. But anyway, I think it would be a cool idea. Balto being looked down upon by the dogs for being part wolf, and same with the humans (namely his owner) but more specifically with them for not having the typical husky physique as with historical Balto (and I can make him proper wolfdog size instead of looking half coyote.) Hence why he keeps shoving himself into the races. It makes Steele and Balto's rivalry deliciously personal as Balto is a mark in Steele's otherwise spotless ancestry hence why he takes every moment to bring up the wolf side of him. Also it gets rid of Muk and Luk because I hate those two with every fiber of my being.

I gotta draw this sometime. Maybe. Maybe when I'm less tired.

[messrmoonyy]

Hello my Tess servopoulos x reader, readers. I no longer am having a set day for uploading. Please know I’m not stopping writing. Not at all. I am just putting too much pressure on myself rn to make something good every Tuesday. I’m my biggest critic anyway and then setting myself a deadline each week just does not help me.

So. I will still upload regularly, I’m just taking off my deadline. To relieve some of the pressure I put on myself. Who knows I might still end up with a weekly post. It might become a bi weekly post. The removal of my deadline just helps ease a little bit of stress.

Like. I have put out over 60k words worth of stuff in like 3 months.

This was also give me more free reign to churn out some smaller drabbles/blurbs too because I have a lot of requests that I can’t write more than a few hundred words for but I don’t want to leave them sat in my inbox forever. So. Yeah.

Ily all v much and appreciate each and every one of you that’s ever hit reblog, or left me an anon ask or write thoughts in the tags etc. without your love and feedback I’d have given up after week 3 lmao.

[zapazai]

I love finding a fellow Debbie appreciator in the shameless fandom because I absolutely hate the unending crap she gets for simply growing up from a traumatised child into an adult who has never been given the space or support to deal with her issues.

Anyways I was wondering what your thoughts were on the Gallagher sibling dynamics? Because my unpopular opinion for years has always been that Ian (and Debbie to an extent) was made in Fiona’s image with dash of forgotten middle child syndrome. He was her first baby and took on a lot of her good and bad characteristics except he has a slightly higher level of emotional intelligence than her and the rest of his siblings. My Roman Empire is wondering what the Fiona-Lip-Ian dynamic was in their early days. That and baby Mickey and Mandy Milkovich

Thanks for asking :pp

sorry this took so long to answer I had like a really hard time knowing what to talk about so this is VERY unorganised hope I answered u still!! Also super long anyway

One of my favourite things about the Gallaghers is how they are all a little bit like fiona. Ian and Debbie the most but in the others too. Debbie is extremely caring. She would do anything for the people she loves, especially franny. She 100% got this from fiona. She grew up watching fiona throw her needs aside for her siblings' time and time again, and I really think she took this to heart. Both fiona and Debbie are willing to do anything for family. They also share this kinda "mean" shell. What I mean by that is that they both can come across as mean when they never really want to do anyone harm. Where as fiona was pushed into the motherly role, debbie wanted to be a mother. To me, this makes her selfishness even more prominent? I'm not sure if that's the right word. Debbie doesn't need to desperately seek recognition for all her hard work in the Fiona has had to.

Ian is determined and an incredibly hard worker. His resilience is something he learned from fiona. Ian is old enough to have watched fiona have to adapt to caring for even more children while being young enough that he wasn't always expected to help. He watched fiona work job after job, sometimes more than one at a time. In the same way Ian found his job with being an EMT, I can see fiona having the same kinda thing she just never found her job, yk? Fiona and Ian are good at taking charge, adapting. Not only this, but they both great at talking to people, VERY charming.

Lip is stubborn. He's self-destructive. Those are some of the more unfortunate traits to get from fiona, but he's also a great problem solver and a natural talent. I don't think this is something he really got from her entirely, but they are obviously similarities. Fiona and Lip are the closest in age so often worked together, they solved problems together. It's a trait they picked up as a team because fiona is older, so I'm assuming it's something that came to her quicker. Fiona was a natural at track. She was amazing working towards these record-breaking goals. Lip is a natural genius (sadly not physically gifted like fiona Poor Guy is losing every fight). They didn't reach their potential, both dropping out. I do think lip actually got his stubbornness from fiona, tho. Lip and fiona share a lot of similarities because they are so close in age.

Carl is very childish and playful. He struggled with knowing what he wanted, like he went through so many phases. He has the same bright smile as fiona but also her indecisiveness. Fiona goes through a few phases, mainly hopping career paths. These are kinda like Carl's many phases. Carl is the 2nd youngest and is the first one I think who really did see fiona as a mum sometimes. I can see Carl always mistakenly calling fiona Mum as a kid. He's outgrown that. I know a lot of people wanna be like, "Carl is the only one who appreciated fiona." I don't think that's true. I think he just appreciates her in a more motherly way(while obviously still knowing fiona is his sister, please don't think in saying Carl things she is his mum or something) Carl disrespects fionas just as much as the others but he also shoes his affection more clearly. Anyway, a bight smiles and phases are what Carl got from fiona.

We don't really get to see Liam because he's so young when the show ends. We do get to see Liam as a leader/manager. Fiona was a great manager for the majority of the time(she had her bad moments). Leadership is something Liam got from fiona. I definitely think Liam is gonna be the most different from his siblings, tho because he isn't growing up with fiona looking after him + no Monica, no Frank. I wish fiona had taken Liam with her because they are such a cute duo but yk.

Talking about fiona/lip and Ian as kids now

I think they all would have been very close as kids. First of course because they are all closest to age. They were discovering things for the first time together.

I think a lot of the reason ian and Lip dont appreciate( IK THE DO I JUST DO NOT THE RIGHT WORD) fiona as much is because they are closer in age the the other 3. They don't value all the help fiona gave them because they were also helping her. They saw all her first mistakes and were the ones to help her learn. They see her less as a guardian/ parental figure and more of the big sister she is. Idk if I'm getting mh going across rn so imma move on.

Lip has always been very smart so j think fiona and Lip were a really strong team as kids. Fiona had the advantage that she was older, a people person and Lip was sort of the brains. Fiona, in her own respect, is smart too.

Ian was the baby for a while. He was the one Lip and fiona were working to protect, and I think he got typical little brother treatment. Brother bullying from Lip and smothering love and teasing from fiona. Where as Lip was a real team with fiona a lot of the time Ian was just learning from them. I think this is why he's more emotionally intelligent than them both while having some of their better traits. When Debbie is born, he stops being the baby and starts to get pushed into the independent forgotten middle child role we see him as.

Lip and fiona are a partnership, but lip and Ian are best friends. They all love each other, but lip and Ian are just closer. This pushes fiona away and makes her cling more to the caretaker role. Ian and Lip are closer in age they go to school together, share a room. Fiona is sometimes left out from actual childish sibling bonding. I think she would have been ecstatic when Debbie is born because of this. The boys stick together and now she has a sister to stick with too.

Some random head cannons I have of them as kids

Ian and goes through a coping phase and is always mimicking fi and lip.

Fiona is always using cheesy and sweet nicknames for Ian, like sweet face bit it gets less when Debbie is born. The pet names mean a surprising amount to ian

Lip was always arguing that he should take care of the money but fi doesn't let him.

They come up with the squirrel fund after a school project/something one of them learns in school but it gets more serious when Debbie is born.

Lip gets fiona a dvd player for her 12 birthday and ir sparks her love for movie nights.

A little about the milkovichs now.

Mickey and mandy were also close as kids because of the only Yr age difference, but they drifted. Mickey will always try to look after mandy and protect her, but they grow up, and mandy realises mickey can't always save her. Mickey isn't super strong.

Mickey has to start hiding who is his and that puts a strain on their relationship. Mickey is just another gross boy now instead of her super strong kind brother.

Baby mandy and mickey were always together , they have 1000 inside jokes ans I see them as the kind of siblings who tell people their twins and have their own language. It's hard for them to make other friends but they have eachother.

Mandy will sneak into mickeys room when she's scared, and that's one of the only things that last till she's a teen. She still does it during s1. Mickey never sleeps with his door locked so mandy can get in even tho he really wants to. Mandy locked the door behind her and sits on the edge of mickeys bed. Sometimes, she waits for him to wake up, but most of the time, she pushes his leg till he wakes up and lets her climb in beside him. She will hide in his arms, and he holds her till she falls back to sleep. Then, never talk about it. As they get older, mandy stops waking mickey up. She steals a blanket and crashes on the sofa. Mickey keeps it in his room till he's forced to room with svet.

They donr talk about their feelings but they understand eachoth34 the most out of the other siblings. I like to imagine them getting close again after the show

[mxtxfanatic]

I was wondering what your thoughts are on the take that MXTX love interests are one dimensional? I saw a post that mentioned how MXTX doesn't let her characters explore their sexuality, but it rubbed me the wrong way honestly.

I don't mind if you focus on any of the main pairings, but I would love to hear about TGCF primarily if you're up for it.

Well you’re in luck, anon, because this is an argument that infuriates me! But before I get into that, let’s start with this: if you think the love interests of any of the mxtx novels are one-dimensional, you are not paying attention to the plot, character interactions, or anything to do with the love interests. All of them have lives and motivations outside of just the MCs, and even the one who arguably doesn’t (Luo Binghe) is fixated on the MC in a way that still has to do with his own character development and growth within the story. He doesn’t just perpetually play support with no internal life of his own.

With all that said, you were right for feeling like this discourse sounds wrong, because it’s absolutely a red flag when people say that “surely you can’t know your sexuality unless you experiment with a bunch of different people before you fall in love!” 🤢 Never in my life have I seen anyone argue that straight people must first date/have sex with a bunch of people before they can “really know” whether they’re straight; this is strictly something that homo/bi/queerphobes say to dissuade non-straight people from acknowledging their sexualities. Real people in real life are allowed to fall in love with whoever they want, regardless of what sexuality they do or don’t identify with and how many different people they have or have not slept with. This goes doubly for fictional characters who are products of their story and therefore 100% allowed to be in love with just one (1) person without that throwing into question the “validity” of their love, sexuality, or the believability of the story.

It’s funny cause it’s definitely a trendy discussion topic in mdzs and I guess tgcf now to suggest that the MCs and LIs can’t possibly be fulfilled as people due to the fact that they dedicated their love lives to just one person. In tgcf, Hua Cheng became a ghost king, kept humans safe, and started a ghost city to keep ghosts and spirits safe in the interim of Xie Lian’s second banishment, but this is somehow “unbelievable” or “one-dimensional” because he also only loved and held out for Xie Lian the entire time? He couldn’t have possibly grown as a person and become a more well-adjusted adult without the healing powers of hook-up culture?

Idk, there are just way too many stories being written about characters who date/sleep around and romances that come after that period, but mxtx novels are not those stories and the existence of one should not negate the validity of the other. If a reader finds that loving one person your entire life and not being interested in romance or sex otherwise outside of that one person is unbelievable, then they should simply find another story they do find believable enough to read that doesn’t break their immersion. But to then question the skills of the writer because their writing choices don’t speak to a reality you have experienced or accept?

[wrathofrats]

The recent anon post asked about aether and mist what did aether and Omega do

What happened to delta

Hi hi! I realize I probably should’ve linked my delta lore so you can find that here and here. But the TLDR is delta transitioned elements and it went terribly wrong to the point where he is dead/a shell of his former self. I’ve implied that omega helped him in this process with orders from Terzo and other higher members of the church, and that he did not agree with what went on. Also Ive put down that delta needed this transition to survive due to his water element being unstable.

Mostly im trying to say that I don’t believe anyone has done anything evil or wrong, just that the circumstances were terrible and things have gone not as planned, but everyone did what they could.

My recent post is a confirmation of my idea that aether was ordered to do dews transition. Mist (being deltas replacement) does not trust this process, though she regards omega and aether very highly. This is a lot of the reason she worries so much, is because she trusts omega and if he can mess it up there’s not a lot of hope in her eyes.

I hope this makes sense! Pls feel free to ask more questions (i love talking about this lore)

[remyfire]

Hawkeye Pierce and Frank Burns for the ship ask?

Do I Ship It?

No, I Don’t Ship It!!

Why don’t you ship it? —Oh my goodness, we've landed on one of my very few NOTPs. What a beautiful thing to think about at 7am. I think the ultimate reason why I don't like it is because I do not like Frank. Notably I know why I don't like Frank, and it's because Larry did such a kickass job with making me dislike him. Larry is such a phenomenal actor, and he produced a pathetic antagonist who gives me the very rare cognitive dissonance of disliking a character but liking that I dislike a character, and I respect and admire every ounce of that. Ultimately I feel like Frank is not interested in healing from the effects of the abuse and bullying that made him who he is—in fact, I feel that he'd actively work against it because it involves giving up things he's not willing to let go of—and that doesn't appeal to me, especially not for Hawkeye. When I think about characters who I like playing against Hawkeye, they're ones who challenge him and push him to grow beyond who he already is, and I don't feel like I get that with this ship.

What would have made you like it? —If I had seen more signs that Frank was interested in evolving as a person, I would've likely been much more into it. But as has been pointed out many times—including by Larry himself—that removes the thesis for Frank and the archetype that he represents, and thus he would no longer really be Frank to me. He would be just some guy.

Despite not shipping it, do you have anything positive to say about it? —I absolutely understand what compels so many people about this ship in particular—including but not limited to just Hawkeye, why the fuck are you like that with this man? Can you stop trying to/succeeding in your desire to kiss him and get your hands off him for two seconds? A lot of creators are doing incredibly interesting and hilarious and touching things with them in their fanworks and I love knowing how inspiring they are for so many. It's just not for me.

[star--nymph]

Sometimes I think about Eurydice and her gender. It's something that I haven't gone into detail because I don't want to co-opt a conversation that's not mine as a cis woman, but I do think about it. Cause broadly speaking, I don't see Eurydice as cis--I see her as a demiwoman. She's always been very detached and disinterested with her gender, to her own body--that she uses she/her and lets herself be called a woman because, well, whatever. That's thats. It never really occurred to her to call herself something else. If she wanted to be they/them or something else, she'd use it but it just

isn't something she cares about.

Something she wants to care about.

I think about Eurydice in the same sense I think about my own sexuality. That I use the term queer because that's the best bet, but I use bisexual because sometimes it's just easier and closer to whatever I am, but it's not it. Sometimes I feel ace. Sometimes I feel bi. Sometimes I feel like I'm a lesbian. Sometimes I don't care and I don't want to care. So queer. Queer it is.

So demiwoman. Demiwoman it is. Not quite woman. Not quite anything else.