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pedripics · 7 months

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"He is still the same as when he was 5 years old. That's the best thing about him."

(via Revelo - July 2023)

"Now I'm not going to be able to mess with him or make jokes. I'm not going to be able to hit him, because if he's going to hit me back...", laughs Rubén Delgado when we talk about the strengthened physique of Pedri, whom he coached between the ages of 9 and 12 at U.D. Tegueste, when he was a " just small boy, but what he had from a young age was great footballing ability". Pedri has always said that Rubén is the coach who taught him how to compete.

"He arrived at Barça with 60 kilos, very little, and when he completed his first season with Barça he had already gained three or four kilos. With Koeman, he started to do the same work as he does now in that first year, with three days a week of more strength training. Then two, then one, because he arrived as a youngster and there was even the possibility of going out on loan; he even had offers from Bayern to go out on loan. What happened was that when Koeman saw him train, everything changed. From 'we're going to give him a work plan of three days a week' he became a starter, playing every three days, he played everything and, obviously, you then can't have three days of strength work, it's impossible," explains a person close to the midfielder, whom we will call E.P.

"This year is the first time that he has had a real five-week holiday. De la Fuente wanted to take him to the Nations League, but in the end, Barça and the Federation came to their senses and understood that the best thing was to let him rest, have a normal summer for the first time since he is at the highest level and take advantage of it to train, because in the end that way you can see his evolution. He's had five weeks in which he's been able to rest but, above all, to train, because in competition the muscle is eaten away, especially in the lower body. Maybe Tchouameni, who has a great physique, can do more. What Pedri has is a lot of endurance. When he was a kid, he also did athletics at school as an extracurricular activity, and he was very good. That resistance lacked to generate muscle. Chema Martínez has one type of muscle, Usain Bolt another. He had a more fibrous muscle and now he had to gain a bit more volume for 1v1s, and also at the lower body level. The image that has made an impact is that of the arms, but the work above and below has been compensated and worked on following a guideline set by Barça", says E.P., who puts Pedri's current weight at 67 kilos.

The Tenerife native has gained two kilos with that physical work done this summer and is not recommended to gain "more than one". "To take him to the 70 would be too much. That would be the limit. What all parties consider is that he is a player who has to gain muscle mass but he shouldn't change his physiognomy completely. He is a lightweight footballer. His mental rapidity leads him to have quickness of movement, to have some dribbling. If he is heavy with the size he is, 1.74m., he would become in quotes, a 'barrel'," explains E.P., who is clear about what is not the goal in the work that the Barça midfielder is doing: "The objective is not to turn him into a muscular beast because he is not like that. He has a similar physique to Messi. Messi is obviously the best, I hope he comes as close as possible, but he will never be able to be Cristiano. Neither Messi nor Pedri could be Cristiano. Neither does he have the physique of Gavi, who has a more powerful lower body, but Gavi's style of football demands more of that than Pedri's game. It would be a mistake", reflects E.P., who specifies that the Tenerife native has done "a lot of cycling, eccentric pull-ups - those where you go up and then you have to hold on when you come down - and work on the pitch, above all".

'Four Friends'

Those who have closely experienced the physical work and nutritional diet that Pedri has followed during these five weeks have been Dani Carreras, Fran Llarena and Rubén Suárez, the three best childhood friends of the footballer, ex-players of Tegueste, where they were under Rubén's orders.

The 'Four friends', like David Trueba's novel, have shared a summer in a villa in Adeje (Tenerife), although their coexistence has been stricter and based on rest, physical work and a rigorous diet that they have all followed. "In the villa, we had a cook who prepared the food for Pedri's diet. Lots of vegetables, lots of vegetables with spices and fish, sometimes meat. But above all, lots and lots of vegetables. I wanted to eat more, but well, we've adapted to him", says Dani, a striker in the team that Pedri played for from "4 to 16-17 years old".

"It has been a hypercaloric diet, with a high intake of calories to be able to compensate for the expenditure of energy and to be able to evolve the muscle. It depends on the day, the work to be done, the moment, but it has been over 3,000 calories," says E. P. with a figure that is far from the perception of Pedri's friends.

"We ate a lot but, of course, few calories in reality: a lot of vegetables, obviously more than five pieces of fruit a day, when it was time for pasta we ate a lot of pasta, but always in measured quantities. We could skip it a bit because the diet wasn't really for us but for him. Everyone followed his diet...", laughs Fran, Pedri's friend "practically since they were born". "My mother put me into a small football team when I was 3 and he was put into the same football team from 3 to 5 years old. We also lived super close here in Tegueste, about 200 meters away, and we've always been friends since we were kids," says Fran, mediocre "like Pedri, but a bit further back. "

They played together until they joined the youth team, when Fran was signed by Tenerife. This summer, as well as being a friend, he has acted as a personal trainer to the Culé footballer. "He has worked every day: in the gym, he worked five days, rested on Saturdays and Sundays, and outside of it is true that he worked more because we went to the football pitch almost every day for speed training and cardio. We went here in the south of Tenerife, to Tenerife Top Training - where I am also told that Courtois occasionally goes - to a field called T3, and there we worked with cones. I helped him with explosiveness, if I had to pass him balls, put the cones on him... I helped him and trained with him. There was a day when he killed me to run with him and I said: 'No more'", recalls Pedri's friend, with whom he has also shared afternoons of paddle tennis and paddleball.

They have hardly left the village for anything other than training or eating out one day a week. In Adeje, they have enjoyed the swimming pool, "we have played a lot of Monopoly and Catan, and cards, baraja española (spanish card deck); al Presidente", says Dani.

It's been days based on the physical and nutritional discipline that Pedri has been fulfilling to the letter, with a self-demanding attitude that has grown as a result of the injury he suffered last February against Manchester United in the Europa League. In a solo action, he injured the rectus anterior of his right leg. It was the 41st minute. He himself asked to be substituted. That day was a before and after for the player, explains Fran: "He is very demanding because he has already had several injuries and since then he has changed his training and eating patterns to try not to relapse. His nutritionist was on top of it, because there have been many injuries to the same muscle in the 2-3 years he has been in professional football, this would be his fourth, which is noticeable at the end of the day; the 70 games he played in his first year at Barça are going to take their toll on him now, at any time. He's always taken care of his training, but this time it's more exaggerated".

A task in which he is helped by his disciplined personality. "He has never, never, never been a soft drink drinker, he always drinks water or isotonic drinks, sports drinks", Dani explains. Rubén recalls that "he has never been one for sweets either". "He likes chocolate, but chocolate products are another thing that has completely disappeared: sweets. In fact, he goes to events and takes his heavy, calibrated snack, his fruit, grapes with I don't know what nuts... And, look, one thing he loves, a healthy vice, is pistachios. He loves them, but he can eat very little because it's a good source of energy, but the ones he eats he eats without salt and so, zero problems. There is another food that he has been eating since he was little, obviously, which is bananas. He can put bananas in everything, it's incredible. Before Plátano de Canarias was his sponsor, when he started as a professional, he put a banana in his boot. Now he eats, but the range of fruits has expanded a lot. And another thing about Pedri is that he never drinks coffee. We've joked with him once or twice: 'Oh shit, if you drank coffee, you'd get nervous from time to time and you wouldn't be the same anymore'," says E.P. anecdotally, who also reflects a striking feature of Pedri's personality that is helping him to follow a disciplined life: punctuality.

"He's hyper-punctual. You say 'This is a Canarian, a relaxed guy...', and yes he has that relaxation, that pause, that semi-Caribbean Canarian tranquillity, but in terms of punctuality, he's a fucking German. He has many points of discipline but before they weren't united in anything. Now everything has some guidelines, it's blending and uniting well," reasons E.P., who says that Barça, "at least since the arrival of Xavi", forces them to have lunch or dinner at the Ciudad Deportiva.

Rosi’s Croquetas

But there is a common denominator between the four voices that paint Pedri's sporting and nutritional life: the croquettes of his mother, Rosi, which the Tenerife player himself mentioned on Saturday during Barça's American tour when asked about his physical change. "Above all, not eating my mother's croquettes," said the player.

"His mother is a spectacle, she's a machine. Her croquettes are a different story," Dani laughs. "The only treats are his mother's food or going out to eat. I had one meal a week off, so maybe we'd go out to eat somewhere, healthy food too, but eating differently from what your diet is. And it is true that he ate pistachios, he usually eats a lot of them, because he likes them, but healthy ones, of course, without salt. And little else", explains Fran.

"He has always had a fairly balanced diet and well, above all, the famous mother's croquettes, he was very well fed," says Rubén, who assures us that "you need to take time to try them because they are delicious." "They offer a variety: chicken, cod... They have it all. I can vouch for it, I recommend it," he says with a laugh.

Rosi is Pedri's mother and cook at the Tasca Fernando, which she runs with her husband and the footballer's father "at the entrance to Tegueste on the Nacional", explains E.P. "It's the typical small-town place, traditional, where you eat very good homemade cuisine, with very good produce. And of course, Pedri ate there every day until he went to Las Palmas, where he stayed in the residence, in La Casa Amarilla. They could make him slightly different dishes, but in the end, he ate what was available. It’s a normal, ordinary, hard-working family. When they go to see him in Barcelona, they also cook for him, but now the whole family is very conscientious and they are helping him a lot", he says.

His brother Fernando has played a key role in his healthy eating since his arrival at FC Barcelona. "He lives with his brother in Barcelona, near Ciutat Esportiva. As the first year they were at Barça was the year of the pandemic, they went to live together. Fernando studied cooking. He is two years older but as Pedri was always ahead of his time, they played football together for many years. They are like friends and brothers at the same time, and he cooks for him".

"Skinny and tiny"

Talking to Dani, Fran and Ruben has been visualizing the Pedri who started playing football in Tegueste in his earliest childhood, when their lives came together and it was clear to all three of them that that "weak and small" child would go far. "He had something," says Rubén, who always told his partner and his parents, to those around him. "It was to be expected," Fran says. His coach recalls how the three, Pedri, Dani and Fran, "were very good, were the best, and super nice people."

"He has always had a mentality that is not cold, because he is not cold, but a very relaxed mentality, so to speak. If the game is at 100, he would stay at 25, to give you an idea. And that control, and especially at the ages that I coached him, it was very difficult to see a child who controlled the guidelines of a match as much as him; who knew that if the match was very, very tense, he would take it to his own ground and take it to where he wanted it to be. And it's very difficult to find that at that age. Obviously, today you see him and it's even more difficult because you see him inside a stadium with so many people, and with that calmness that he shows and that relaxation and that control of his state, it's very difficult to find that in a player and, above all, as young as he is, who is only 20 years old", recalls Rubén, the coach who moved Pedri's position from the front to the centre of the pitch.

"From a very young age, he stood out from the rest. He did things that a normal 9-year-old didn't do. I always highlight one thing about him and that is that on a footballing level, he obviously had spectacular technique, quality and physique. Because despite being so small he was the first to attack, the first to defend, a spectacular sacrifice towards his teammates... But if there's one thing I've always highlighted about him, it's the footballing maturity he had at the age of 9. He knew how to position himself, he knew where he had to be at all times, which even nowadays professional players work on and not all of them are practically ready. And he, at 9 years old, already knew how to read a game, he already had a very adult sporting maturity for the age he was", says the coach proudly.

"I remember that when in one of the many games in which he was playing and he was killing it and doing things that were not normal, of course, the game ended and at that time I asked him: 'Hey, why did you decide to do this?', and any other child would have said to me: 'Well, look, I did this because I saw it like this…'. And he came in with the little soft voice he had and said, 'I don't know, Ruben, it just came out of me. ' And my colleague and I looked at each other like: 'It just came out of you?, but I didn’t even do that at 25 years old…", recalls the coach.

A similar situation to the one we experienced in the 2021/22 season, when on April 3 Pedri gave Barça a 1-0 victory over Sevilla and placed Barça second in the table. "He cuts once, twice, three times and then hits it with his left. He said he didn't know what he had done, that it just came out of him like that," remembers Rubén, who confesses that when he had the opportunity to talk to Pedri he told him: "Man, that was the same thing you said to me when you were 9 years old."

"The problem for me is that as I've known him all my life, I'm not surprised by what he does. Yes, on the one hand, he surprises me sometimes, when I realise and say: 'Woah, my friend is doing this' and I see him in a different way, but only for a moment because then I remember that it's him and that it was to be expected. From the minute he stepped on a professional pitch he remained the same. He doesn't care who he plays against. Even when we were little, we played on a court, in a pavilion, and he would tell me: 'You play with me', and the brother, and we would play against 20-year-olds, and we were 14. And they'd say, 'Well, come on, but just for a bit.' There were three teams and the one that won was still there. So we got with the team, we were 14 years old and some were 16 and 17, and we beat kids who were 20, 21, 25, and of course, they were shocked. They said: 'But what about these kids?', and especially with Pedri, because he was the youngest and the best. If you see him doing that on the pitch from a young age, with 20-year-olds, knowing that he doesn't care if he gets kicked, or if he gets his body thrown around, or if they take him out, because that has adapted him to professional football, it doesn't surprise you" recalls Fran about a physical and sporting stature that has always accompanied Pedri. Just like the Barcelonismo, which he also lived from his cradle. His grandfather Fernando founded the Peña Barcelonista de Tenerife-Tegueste.

"He is still the same as when he was 5 years old. He's the same person. That's the best thing about him. He also has a very good family that helps him keep his feet on the ground. When you're with him, you say: 'And this guy is playing for Barcelona'. Also, one thing he has is that when he gets picked on... Maybe you say to him: 'How few goals you score'. Me, for example, I'm a big fan of screwing with him. Yes, yes, I don't know what, but you don't score goals', I say things like that. And when he's picked on, he always gets it. And this year is going to be quite important for him and for Barça. He's going to start to be one of the leaders, I think. He already is, but his character is not that of a leader, but the way he plays. He's a very fundamental player, but he doesn't feel like a leader. No way, no way, that's not the case", admits Dani, who reveals Pedri's joking character. "He seems shy, but he jokes a lot, he's always joking around, with everyone in general. I'm always calling him silly and stuff like that," he laughs.

Calm, familiar, punctual… and with a low heart rate

"The important thing is that you have clear ideas, because at the end of the day, that life is not easy. It's very easy for many things but it's not always easy to carry all of it, not being able to go out, that kind of thing. That he knows his priorities and that he doesn't get too carried away, that's the key for me, beyond a kilo more muscle or not, because you have to be very good in everything and that luck is with you, but if you're not focused, success will not last long. He is familiar, calm, with a low heart rate. May he continue like that", asks E.P. for the future of Pedri, who is going to live an important year this season after the departure of Busquets, the arrival of Gundogan and his demanding summer to get back in top physical shape.

"When he has been asked the typical question: 'What do you need to improve on,' he has never said anything other than these concepts: more goals and physical improvement. In five months, he scored seven goals. If he hadn't been injured, he would have doubled that. This year he should have at least 10-12 goals. Xavi asks him to do that and he will always work to the maximum", explains E.P.. When the competition begins we will see how he establishes his physical form on the pitch. His appearance is already improved, muscular, in a "work of prevention and evolution" that his friends hope to see in sporting terms, in the present and in the future.

"Remember that he is still only 20 years old, normally a footballer explodes at 25, 26, 27, 28 years old. And that's the beautiful thing, that he still has fifteen years of football left and hopefully he continues to rise," says Fran.

"You know what happens? He has the gift of knowing how to win people over. He has a great gift for companionship. So, he is lucky that if he says 'everyone around here', I think they will follow him. Why? Because he has that gift, he has the personality he has, a personality that engages, that transmits good vibes, as they say around here. He is still a bit young to perhaps be a leader, but it is true that I think that at "Barcelona they have noticed that his presence on the field helps the team play in one way or play in another. And I think that is being a leader," Rubén reasons.

Winning leagues, taking Barça back to great heights in Europe, winning a European Championship or a World Cup are some of the challenges that the four protagonists outline around Pedri, but one stands out above all: after having lifted the Golden Boy 2021, it would be to win the Ballon d’Or. "It would be a dream for all of us," says Rubén with a huff. "It’s just that this kid surprises you every day, you don't know where his ceiling is, he's only 20 years old," stresses Fran.

E.P. has this to say on the matter: "It's not something that torments him or keeps him up at night, he prioritises the collective trophies, but obviously it's a consequence of everything, it's an evolution. Neither Iniesta nor Xavi managed to win it, none of his idols have been able to do it. Rodri has done very, very well and his team has performed very well. There is already talk that Rodri could or should have a Ballon d'Or. If Pedri continues to be one of Barça's flagship players, as he practically already is, and Barça regains its usual status of the last 20-25 years and the national team is up there, then why not, but that's a long way to go. To win a trophy of this type, you have to have powerful collective trophies, because Haaland or Cristiano could win it if they score 50 goals, but it's different with him. Let's see, for the moment, how he settles in this new season in which he wants to have continuity again".

And it’s up for the future to see how his new physique responds, but if there is one thing that does not generate doubt among his friends it is his name: "With this new bodybuilding, is it going to be necessary to call him Pedro instead of Pedri at some point?" I asked. Dani laughs before remembering that Pedri was given the name when he was 8-9 years old, "because there were two Pedros in the team and the other one was much bigger than him, so they kept calling him Pedro and him, who was much smaller, Pedri". "For us and for everyone he will always be Pedri," adds Rubén. "He is Pedro González López. Maybe when he is 55 and playing dominoes in his village they will start calling him Pedro, but in the meantime, I doubt he will stop being Pedri", reflects E.P. "Pedri is and will always be Pedri", says his friend Fran.

#pedri #pedri gonzalez #fc barcelona #barça #fc barça #*interview

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moreespressoformydepresso · 16 days

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re: ask game

⭐️ i would love to read your director’s commentary on When The Clock Stops Ticking (We'll Be Painted Red) :D

Oh boy what have you unleashed? I hope you have some time because I will not be able to contain myself to one thing this time.

I spent months on this fic, there is so much.

Instead of the doomed endeavor that is organizing this mess or singling out a single topic to talk about at length, I'm gonna go through the fic chronologically and pick the things most important to me. If you want more afterward, don't worry. I will have more.

So the opening and closing lines mirror each other, and fragments of it come back periodically so we'll start there. There's a lot of red imagery in here for fairly obvious reasons and some hidden double meanings. There will be a lot of that tbh. The more explicitly stated meaning is, of course, the usage of red as a euphemism and/or metaphor for blood. It's a way to show Treech's changing perception of the world as everything he's living through starts to affect him in both big and subtle ways. Hence why parts of that opening line keep popping up throughout the fic. While we're talking about that line, lets actually take a look at the wording:

"Blood coated the iron, colored the floor and the rubble, splattered his clothes."

The way it's written isn't really how a normal person would think on a day to day basis, is it? It's a lot more flowery, especially with the euphemism. It's almost like he's thinking about paint on a canvas in an art studio rather than Teslee's blood, which is intentional. He's using this language, this metaphoric description, in order to avoid acknowledging what it actually is. He doesn't want to think about the fact that he just killed someone or that he's about to kill someone else. Originally the fic was supposed to start a little later, right before he kills Lucy Gray, but I decided to move it back a little and start by introducing his current state. The first few paragraphs are slow, with Treech mostly considering his survival options and the unbearable heat. It's in part to introduce where we're at in the games and in part a way to show he's distancing himself from what he's about to do, which only becomes apparent at the mention of footsteps. It's only then that we realize he's about to attack Lucy Gray, who's introduced by her fluttering dress rather than her actual name or face. She's the rainbow songbird, a stage sensation, rather than the actual Covey girl who made it to the top 3 in the games. It's easier for Treech to reconcile killing someone whose face he can't see or whose identity he doesn't think about than it is to kill someone who he knows had a family waiting on them, and it's only later on that he lets go of that mentality, which we'll get back to.

Red comes back later when he drags Lucy Gray to Reaper's morgue, as it's the color of the flag. Treech doesn't explicitly call it out, but he does refer to the color of the flag as blood red, so that in combination with the euphemistic usage from earlier leads to imagery of the flag being a literal pool of blood. Panem is literally built on blood to the point where it's represented by it. It's symbolized by it. It's celebrated by it, as the anthem is sung to the flag, which is hung at every national celebration. Then we get another glimpse of whose blood is being spilled as Treech sees Lamina's body, from her red hair to the blood that spread out from her stab wound over the floor after her death. In turn, that red reminds him of Teslee, someone he killed himself. It's a chilling reminder to Treech that he grieves for Lamina over what happened to her, despite having done that exact thing to two other children, strengthening the guilt he already feels but is trying to ignore. Thoughout the entire fic, Treech consistently sees red as the color of blood and it haunts him, illustrated by the last sentence of the story:

"Blood coated the iron, colored the floor and the rubble, splattered his clothes.

It drenched his hands, too."

It's the exact same sentence, with two key differences. Firstly, there's the adition of it drenching his hands, an obvious play on the saying "to have blood on one's hands" due to the three deaths he mentally attributes to himself. Secondly, there's no longer a euphemism. There's no more paint imagery, erasing the distance between Treech and the events of the story. It's a show of his loss of innocense (as he's no longer capable of making himself see it as just paint) the same way him no longer swinging his legs on the beams was. Reaper actually calls him out on the second one, playfully calling him a child, but that's why it's so important (to me) that I specifically call out that he no longer does it when he climbs back up after Reaper's death. Treech didn't know Teslee or Lucy Gray, but he did know Reaper. He didn't witness Lamina's death, only the aftermath, but Reaper died right in front of him. That combination kind of shatters him mentally, hence why he spends the last parts of the story so aimless and unfocused. I'll get back to that. Regardless, the one thing more powerful than a euphemism here is the lack of one, especially because Treech is very metaphorical in his thought process. He's an art kid who writes the plays his theater group performs, he even got his hands on some pre-Panem works, and I tried to let that be reflected in the way he thinks about the world. He draws lots of parallels to District 7 and there's lots of metaphors and euphemisms in his inner voice, that's just his usual way of being which he uses to deal with his situation. So when that all falls away for the hard truth, it shows he's lost part of who he is. There are metaphors in the ending paragraphs because it's such an integral part of who he is to describe the world like that, but in the end it's not how it used to be. There's a rawness now and while most of him is still him, in the end he's not the same person he was hours ago.

Now, aside from this obvious euphemism, red also has a symbolic meaning. It's a little dark in context to the story, but it's there. Red is, after all, the color of passion. The color of anger. The color of love. And these three things come back in the story quite a lot. Yes, Treech has killed Teslee and kills Lucy Gray, but he did it with as much compassion as he could. Both died quickly, with one life-ending strike of the axe. In the end, none of them deserved to go home any more or less than the others, and all of them fight just as passionately to get home. Every single tribute was trying to get someone home, whether that's themself or someone else. When Reaper lays dying, Treech tries everything to keep him alive despite knowing it's useless because he doesn't want to let go. He still has that drive to try, even when he knows it won't do anything. Treech is literally drenched in red in that scene as the blood seeps into his clothes and stains his hands and arms, which is both incredibly traumatizing imagery to him and a metaphoric representation of what he's feeling in the moment. He's too filled with passion to keep someone alive to really accept that he has to give up. He's also too filled with love. It's not very explicitly romantic between them, not like Meet Me In The Stars (When There's Nothing Left) was, but the undertones are definitely there. Think to the hyacinths Treech uses for Reaper's figurine. Specifically the myth of Hyacinth and Apollo. In that final scene, Treech loves Reaper too much to let him go and accept that he'll have to die. Several times, he basically begs the universe to give them even just a second longer together. Life is leaving Reaper's body and it's fueling Treech's fiery desire to keep fighting because to love is to lose and he's lost too much already. You can see it as platonic love or ignore the red metaphor entirely, but I won't. These two have my entire heart and they can keep it because I'm writing the Vipsania POV rn to create some setup for later.

Red is also the color associated with anger, which comes back in the fic too. Because while Reaper and Treech hide the bodies of the dead beneath the red flag as a show of respect and care, and while they spend their happy moments separated by it (one on each side of the flag, literally two kids and the love between them), they also rant over it. They sit on the beams, high above that sea of red, and spew venom at the unfairness of it all. At the pain they've had to endure. They fuel the flame of love in each other just as much as the flame of hate, because they understand each other. Treech bitterly talks about Vipsania the way he's wanted to all week, but didn't know who to talk about it to. Lamina's mentor was nice, and she'd been having a hard enough time already so he didn't wanna burden her with it. But Reaper? Reaper gets it. And he can see that Vipsania cares at least a little, but he doesn't push it because he understands. Just because she changed her mind doesn't erase the terrible way she treated him, and Reaper gets it. They understand each other's anger and they love each other all the more for it.

The flag here also encapsulates Treech's feelings on Vipsania as a whole, specifically the dichotomy between his care for her and his utter disgust and pain at what she's put him through. She let him starve to win the prize and Treech will never know for sure how much Vipsania did for him and how much she did for herself even when she did start to care, because not even she knows that. In everything I write, Vipsania has a long road of becoming a better person and most of it is spent convincing herself she's not doing it for him. In this universe, it's actually only at the end of the games that she admits to no longer giving a damn about the prize. It takes her watching him face death for five days straight to fully realize that over time it stopped being about winning and it started being about getting him home alive. The only real sign we get in the games is the water she sends him to stop Reaper from killing him, and that's entirely between the lines. He's not in the headspace to consider things and realize that Vipsania would have won the prize regardless of whether he lived or died. As Highbottom said, their survival isn't a necessity. Vipsania could've sat back and waited it out but instead tried what she could to save his life. The prize was hers, Treech had more sponsors that Reaper and has been far less controversial, and his beautiful singing won a lot of hearts, but Vipsania would have burned that prize if it got Treech out of the arena alive. It'll become more clear why she didn't do so again in that Vipsania's Version fic I'm working on. Regardless, Treech doesn't know that she cares about him, at least not for certain, so he's feeling very confused about her. He can acknowledge that she's changed over time, but that doesn't mean he has to like what she's done to him.

Red means a lot of things, and that contrast between the different interpretations that all work at the same time felt very fitting for me. It's kind of the theme of the whole stor, something can be beautiful and ugly at the same time. After all, the story is about love, romantic or not. Red is everywhere, and it's both the best thing in the arena and the worst thing. Love can be wonderful and it can be horrible, it hurts but it's worth it until it isn't. You wish you'd never felt it so the end wouldn't be so painful but at the same time you don't know how you'd have lived without it. If Treech wasn't so attached to Reaper his death wouldn't have hurt so much, but their time together meant so much to him. It showed him life's worth living, even if the loss that followed left him unsure of how to continue on. We live for the good moments, but they're what makes it hurt so much more when they end. That's honesly Treech's experience in a nutshell.

I can't believe I've gone this long just talking about a color what is wrong with me? I had a lot more to say but this is stupidly long so I'll go to the things I've already mentioned and try to wrap this up. I was gonna talk about my choice of timing and the stupid amount of foreshadowing in Reaper and Treech's conversation or the stuff I cut out but uhm... Maybe another day. I need to post this eventually after all if I discuss everything this post will take me as many months as the actual work took me.

So I mentioned before that Treech starts out removing himself from everything surrounding him by seeing everything in terms of the games and only the games. Lucy Gray is the rainbow girl, the girl from 12, the songbird, because that public, manufactured perception of her is a façade and he knows that. When he kills her, he's even further removed from reality by relating the snake she throws at him back to an everyday scenario back home. It's just another block of wood he's gotta hit, and Lucy Gray herself is just the lumber he works with on a daily basis. It's only when she's dead that he gets away from that thinking just enough to try and give her memory as much respect as he can, but despite that his descriptions of everything are flowery like he's writing a poem or a script to a shakespearian play. It's still doing it's damnest trying to avoid the harsh reality, even when he's face to face with it. It's a sort of shield he's built up over the course of the games that really solidified when Lamina died. If he goes cold, he can't break. However, once he and Reaper enter their awkward truce that ice he's grown around himself starts to melt and things get difficult, because as he lowers the shield he's gaining a friend, sure, but he's also leaving himself vulnerable. Reaper lets him forget the reality of their situation, but that means that when it comes crashing back in it's all the more painful. Over the course of his conversation with Reaper, the metaphors and flowery language stop being a constant shield and starts becoming an attempt to put into words all the ways in which Reaper makes him happy. So when Reaper dies, all he has left are his raw feelings with none of the pretty words to make them seem softer. He uses metaphors, but they're not artsy or pretty. Instead of kids games and the everyday life he found joy in back in 7, it's ice cold rivers and harsh winters that can easily take one's life. Instead of having fun climbing trees it's drowning in a frozen lake. And there are far fewer metaphors than before because Treech is too emotional to make it sound fancy. He's trying to process this but he can't and it's literally taking away who he is.

Finally, I want to point out that I put plenty of thought into all the times Treech nearly got himself killed in this story, because it will come up in that (far shorter) Vipsania's Version. Most of it will be focused on her complicated relationship with Treech and the guilt she feels for how focused she was on herself and stupid High School drama when she should have been worried about the literal child whose life she was responsible for, but the rest will be showing a more complete version of what happened than Treech can give. Specifically in regards to all the times he nearly got himself infected with rabies due to not being aware Reaper has it. There are moments where Treech nearly drinks from the same bottle as him and when they're sharing the apples one gets Reaper's saliva on it. It's only his insistence that Reaper keep it after his stomach growles that saves Treech. These moments go together with the slowly escalating symptoms Reaper is showing to make Vipsania tear her hair out worrying about him. Treech didn't know rabies was even in the equasion, so he's having a severe case of observer's bias here. Sure, Reaper is starting to behave a little eratically, but that could be the dehydration and heat. Treech has never experienced such severe heat before, so it's probably just something he doesn't understand. The loss of focus and confusion definitely tracks with Treech's own experience in this case, and the irritability... Well, they're in the hunger games. Of course Reaper's irritated! So to him nothing particularly bad is going on until the hallucinations because he doesn't have the information available to make rabies the most logical explanation, especially since that means Reaper is going to die and as I've explained Treech is having quite a case of denialism here.

The denial is part of the grieving process, which he's already going through at the start of the story and which he goes through again with Reaper. Once he's gone through the stages of disbelief, denial, anger, and bargaining (least explicit, it's the part where he's going through all the things he would do to get Reaper to stay with him), he ends up at depression. There's inklings of acceptance in the part where he starts singing, but after Reaper finally dies he goes right back to depression. Just mixed in with the guilt that's been popping up all throughout the story but has now involved into a whole state of being. It's not helped by the fact that he has enough grounds to blame himself here. Lamina, he couldn't have done much about without an alliance. Teslee he didn't know, so he can cling to the fact she'd have to die for him to live anyway no matter how guilt-stricken he is, but Reaper is the final straw. Because he didn't kill Reaper, but his friend killed himself specifically to protect him. So basically the guy did die because of him, even though he would have died anyway. That's a hard reality to accept, so Treech sticks with the part where Reaper's throat gets slit and doesn't have the emotional energy to think of much else. It's all too much for him. These past few days have been so draining on a deep emotional energy that his only relief was Reaper. Now that Reaper's gone, Treech now not only has a massive heap of extra guilt to deal with, he also has to deal with the many regrets he can't fix anymore. For example, the implied feelings Treech has for Reaper won't be resolved (in this timeline) and he's coming to terms with the fact that he'll never get to admit them and get closure. Reaper literally saved his life, by sacrificing himself but also by stopping him from accidentally catching rabies several times without knowing it. And Treech will never be able to thank him for it because Reaper is gone. All these kids are gone, and there's nothing Treech can do but wait to go back home and try to move on, so he kind of aimlessly wanders through the arena figuring out any way to give them respect because what else is he supposed to do?

His conversation with Reaper reminded him of all the ways in which these kids deserved to live, but it's too late. They're already dead, and all he can do is try and make sure they're remembered. So he uses every district funeral practice he knows of in an attempt to show them the respect they deserved, but also in a way to try and fill the void in his heart left by the loss he's just faced. To distract himself from the confusing emotions grief, guilt, and the general stress of the past few days have caused him to feel. His time with Reaper made him feel literally warm, and now that he's gone and night is falling, he's cold and going numb with shock as he's screamed out the emotions of the moment. He doesn't know what to do as he literally freezes up both physically and mentally, leaving him to try anything to pass the time in hopes he'll have figured it out once he's done. Spoilers, he doesn't figure it out. At the end of the story Treech is kind of out of it, almost more of a wandering ghost than the literal ghosts surrounding him.

Oh yeah btw if you really wanna hate me, there's some minor implications of ghosts. Reaper's when Treech cleans him up in the morgue and Lamina's when he's sitting alone on the beams and talking himself out of contemplated suicide.

Throughout the story, Treech refers to the arena as a tomb haunted by the ghosts of the other kids, and in the end it's almost like he's the one haunting the arena, detached from his body as he tries to process everything that's happened and come to terms with the fact that it's over now. There's no more maybe's left because everyone is dead. Even him, because while he's still breathing he's lost everything in the span of days and he's so riddled with grief and guilt that he'll have to build himself from the ground back up. Now that there aren't any threats left in the arena to worry about and he's gonna go home, he has to truly contend with the fact that he's the only one who made it out. Reaper, Dill, Lamina, Teslee, everyone, they all had families, and he's the only one who'll see theirs again. In the end the only thing that keeps him going is the fact that he's the soul survivor, so if he dies too it'll all have been for nothing. They'll all have died for nothing. Now he has to take that responsibility, no matter how tempting it is to give up and end himself so he won't have to deal with the emptiness anymore. Even when the what-ifs haunt his every thought and the memories will plague his nightmares, he has to keep going. It's a show that when Treech calls himself a selfish coward he's lying his ass off. Being a scared kid doesn't make him a coward, and while he may be tempted to do the selfish thing, he always chooses the selfless option in the end, which is the important part. He brought Lucy Gray to the morgue despite the dangers, he insisted Reaper take the water and food when he felt the other needed it more, and he stopped trying to save Reaper and instead tried to comfort him when he realized there was nothing he could do and Reaper deserved to be comforted in his last moments. Especially since Reaper didn't mind dying if it meant Treech got to live. And in the end, his motivation to keep going is entirely selfless. Even when he doesn't think he can handle living anymore, he keeps going for his family and for the other tributes. No matter how much Treech self-depricates, he proves himself wrong all throughout the story. I'll cap this post here because uhm... This is a lot, and although I could talk/type about this for ages I do have a sense of when a post gets too long, but as a nice little bonus gift have this cut piece of dialogue that I didn't feel fit quite right into the story, it's right after Treech tells Reaper about his late night sneaking and stealing with his friends:

"One time we defaced the peacekeeper barracks while we were at it.”

“Are you really admitting this on live camera?”

“Oh fuck uhm… Whoops? D’you think they can hear our conversation clearly?”

Against his slightly delusional hopes, Reaper nodded with a certainty that was impossible to go against. Even when, a second later, he suddenly looked a lot less certain for some reason. Looking around slightly dazedly, Treech searched for a little bit before his eyes fell over the camera.

“H-Hey uhm… hey mom, and dad. I don’t know if you’re, like, watching but… Sorry about that. And sorry for worrying you.” He looked away from the camera for a second, contemplating the pros and cons of doubling down, before deciding this was as good a time as any to have a bout of teenage rebellion. “In my defense- The peacekeepers that caught us thought it was hilarious.”

“You were caught?!”

When he turned back to Reaper, he couldn’t help but feel slightly sheepish at the worried and exasperated look. Kind of like the look of a scolding parent, but with some confusion mixed in as a reminder that the other was also a kid who knew what standard peacekeeper behavior was like.

“Ha, yeah, when we were almost finished. Technically they didn’t catch me, but I came out of my hiding spot once I realized they weren’t gonna shoot us on the spot. Solidarity with my buddies and all that.”

“I can’t believe they let you all get away with that!” Reaper exclaimed, with a voice that made it sound like he was having an actual crisis.

“Well this was in the Fringe... It’s not like we were writing anything bad. Call it street-art in an… intentionally unfortunate place.” He smirked slyly. It melted off his face quickly though. “We only did it because we knew who was in those barracks. They don’t mind our antics. If anything, they found it even funnier than we did. If we’d tried it with anyone else…”

“You’re even ballsier than I thought you were. Won’t any of you get in trouble back home since you’re saying this?”

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kookaburra1701 · 1 year

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For Topsy's Skyrim OCs ask game, feel free to also include the opinions of any/all NPCs-Become-OCs and answer four or five you'd like to elaborate on the most!

Ohhhh dealer's choice, eh? Exciting! I will have Olur of Mor Khazgur answer these. [Skyrim OC Asks]

1. Which areas of Skyrim do they find most beautiful and most dangerous?

"Most beautiful is easy - Karthald region in the northern Reach, my home. It has everything you could want - high meadows, mountains, and Mor Khazgur is on the plateau above the Sea of Ghosts. We're far enough away from the main roads that few outsiders bother us, but only a few days' ride from Markarth, which means that traders who know where we are come by often enough. Easy access to the sea means we can always fish and hunt horkers and collect shellfish when game is scarce or crops have failed. We don't have to rely on trade or finding deposits or springs in the mountain tops to get our salt either.

"The place I felt the most danger in was Whiterun. My Legion training cohort was sent there to support several civic projects the jarl was funding. The mountains were so far away, I couldn't see them when inside the city and I would lose my sense of direction. Then out on the tundra in our camp, the sky was so large, there was no place to hide or take cover...it makes you understand just how small one orc alone is."

2. Which cities do they prefer to stay in and why?

"I've never been fully comfortable in cities - too much cut stone between your feet and the ground. There's always too much noise to hear what you need to hear. The city I went to most before I joined the Legion was Jehanna, which I suppose is technically in High Rock. There are a lot of other orcs there, and the clan grandmother came from, Fharun, are nearby. When I mention her name the vendors drop their prices and everyone treats me with a little bit more respect. It's pleasing."

Which cities to they avoid at all costs?

"I will never go to Riften again, if I can help it. The weather was nice, but the smell! My uniform reeked of fish and honey for weeks!"

3. What are their religious affiliations, and how does their worship (or lack thereof) affect their day-to-day life?

"I follow the Code of Malacath, like all orcs should. My grandmother taught Borgakh and I prayers to say to Malacath, and she is the one who reads the omens to determine his will. Because I can write so well, one of my duties is to maintain Mor Khazgur's Ledger of Grievances, to ensure we do not ever forget any wrongs done to us, and extract the appropriate Blood-Price. I hope to some day lead Mor Khazgur myself as Chieftain, and to do that I must never forget that above all else Malacath demands strength.

"Grandmother likes to tell stories of the folly of the orcs that want to become elves again, and worship Trinimac. I'm not sure if I believe her that Malacath himself punishes them, but it seems like a waste of time to try and go back to whatever our people were thousands of years ago. I like what we are now. Dwelling on the past is useless, and takes away from strengthening oneself for the future.

"When I was in the Legion, they gave us all amulets of Stendarr and one of the priests always said blessings of Stendarr over us. I wore it because it was expected, and if you went to weekly services at the temple you didn't have to do whatever scut-work the training officers would give you. Sometimes on holidays there would be food that was much better than what they gave us in the barracks. I hope Malacath had a good laugh at me eating all of Stendarr's sweetrolls after sleeping through his priest's sermon."

5. Would they be able to live off the land if they were lost in the wilds of Skyrim? How skilled are they at foraging and hunting?

"The day I can't make my way through any forest in Skyrim and find my way home by the sun and stars is the day they're putting me in my forge."

14. Who is their mentor? Who do they go to most for lessons?

"My grandmother, Sharamph, is the Wise Woman of Mor Khazgur. She's the one who taught me everything I need to know about following the Code of Malacath. When anyone in the stronghold needs advice on the Code, or what Malacath would have them do, they go to her.

"I used to think that everything I needed to know would be covered under the Code, but in the Legion I found that wasn't the case. Horsemaster Arvid, Marshal of the Legion's stables in Solitude, has probably forgotten more about caring for horses and mules than I will ever know. I'm glad I was able to work as a farrier under him. What he taught me has served our stronghold's beasts well."

19. How are they with money? Do they hoard, or do they spend until their pockets are empty and they have to find work again? Have they saved for any houses?

"I don't have much use for money of my own here in Mor Khazgur. When I was in the Legion, I learned about how to keep accounts for things larger than a single stronghold, but I sent most of my wages back to Mor Khazgur. If I ever leave, I have the right to take some of what I contributed with me, but I don't plan to. My skills will keep me clothed and fed, and I can always re-enlist - I would rather my coin stay for the benefit of my sister and the rest of the stronghold."

#kbs asks #skyrim oc asks #kb writes #hot orc summer #olur #mor khazgur

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loremaster-lavellan · 1 year

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With Love, from Skyrim - Letter 2

Project information here.

Letter to Maela

Maela, Promise you'll keep our letters between us. I don't want Alma and Ata to worry, and I can't tell Llaren every dismal detail. He'd worry too. Try not to worry yourself either. They're fighting a civil war here. There's a skirmish outside the city every other day, I swear. I've seen more corpses than I ever care to again, and I've stopped wondering why there's so much junk in the river. I injured my leg the other day. Tripped while running from wolves. Nothing serious, but poultices and the supplies to make them cost more than I've yet to make in a week, so I'm stuck inside the walls while it heals on its own. I've already learned to stay indoors after dark, and now I can't leave during the day. If you told me the farm was better, I'd come running back home. But I made too many promises to turn back. Things will get better. They HAVE to. Check on Llaren for me, will you? Love, Your favorite (and only) injured brother.

Letter to Alma and Ata

Alma and Ata, I won't lie, it's not easy here in Windhelm, but I've earned enough coin to send some home to you! Fishing is a reliable, if meager, source of income. These Nords throw a lot of junk in the river, and there's always a market for fresh fish. When I've saved enough, I'll buy a bow and try my luck hunting. I've also met a treasure hunter or two who speaks of wealth found exploring crypts and ruins. How are your lungs, Ata? Are you sleeping, Alma? I hope neither of you worry too much. I'm not having much fun - it's always cold and work is hard - but I've got a warm place to sleep, and I'm not going hungry. There's a civil war here, a disagreement on religion, but I'm safe inside the city. If anything, it strengthens my faith in the True Tribunal. I hear there's a shrine to Azura a ways east of Windhelm. Perhaps I'll pay her a visit when I get out on the road. Three watch over you, Llaren.

Letter to Llaren

Llaren, I hate fishing. People on the docks watch me when I fish there like they think I'm up to something. So I got outside the city to a spot down the river and fish off an abandoned sawmill. It IS peaceful, but when it's peaceful, all I can think about is how alone and far from home I am, and every rusty scrap the merchants refuse to buy reminds me how far I am from everything I promised you. I can see Windhelm from here. I don't want to go back, but I'm not capable of traveling alone. So I'll fish for now. Hope I pull up something worth some coin. One day, I'll be able to handle the roads and the wilderness, and I'll leave Windhelm and never return. Tell me something good from home if you can. Tell me what you want in our future, in our house. I WILL build us a house. With love, Fels.

Drawings done traditionally (colored pencil on toned tan paper), and added to the paper digitally. Just using Procreate now - my Adobe subscription finally ended, and I refuse to pay for it, so we're getting creative with editing.

#with love from skyrim #fels othara #the elder scrolls #skyrim #dark elf #traditional art #colored pencil #morrowind #letter writing

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changgunator · 2 years

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hui is back at last, and there are a lot of things to say about his return. firstly, his service felt so long, but i'm so thankful for the little updates he gave us through ucube. i do truly feel like getting them has made the wait less difficult. even through a screen, i could feel his bright personality, his vivid voice, his cute mannerisms.

i get so happy at the idea of having him back and watch him carry on doing what he loves most with the people he treasures most in this world. the guy who described himself as 'a flower that was stomped on', but never withered. a flower that was able to bloom. the guy who doesn't want to tie himself to numbers and material things. the guy who looks back to his younger self telling him not to be scared, that it's okay to grow up, and that little hui is still well and breathing. the guy who protects his world with grace and who sees the good in everything. the guy who always carries his innate passion for making music and who gets praised for his wide musical knowledge and intuition. the one who loves pentagon and just loves... love. there are many perspectives to look at him from, many words, many sentences to describe him, but they're never enough. for each sentence i mention, i pray that more and more people will walk into hui's world and discover what a delight he is to be around. i hope more people will let him comfort them and find strength from his presence, so the good energy will strengthen him too.

the good that hui was able to put out from his heart was recognized by a lot of people already and i have faith that it'll keep increasing in size. i can never forget the times he was never ashamed or afraid to show his emotions, the times he received or gave support to the members and validated their life experiences, the times he decided to give universe a peek into his mind with his music talks, the times he put in time and effort to making music for ptg and other artists, the times he showed his vulnerabilities, the times he made us all laugh with his loud sounds, the times he helped each pentagon member embrace themselves and recognize their potential and value. for every single time his kindness has touched a soul, i hope the future is holding double happiness for him.

welcome home hui, we're still here for you

#ON A TANGENT RN I AM SO DAMN EMOTIONAL #i have much more to say i'll shut up #hui

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reginrokkr · 1 year

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HEART : Which one does your muse value the most within themselves respectively in others, emotions or rationality? Why?

Rationality, without a doubt. Putting aside that I think that Dain struggles with his self-esteem to the point that he can't even be bothered to remember one single place in all of Teyvat that he likes (he has issues with his memories because of the erosion, yes, but if we're to think that vacations is a word that doesn't exist in this man's vocabulary and that he's traveling all the time in order to put a stop to the Abyss Order, it's very hard to think that he can't say one because he doesn't remember, but because he doesn't care— or more like he forces himself not to care), there are three factors that make him be particularly valuable for leaning more on his rationality rather than the emotional side he also has:

✦ Information factor.

It's undeniable that he has a connection to Irminsul, which at the same time possesses all the information of Teyvat from past to arguably the future if we consider that he knows to the T what happened in Mondstadt and Liyue, down to very hidden information about Zhongli that no one knows about except those who were directly involved and those who he wants them to know, irregardless of the extent he informs the Adepti. Furthermore, there are details in the countless miscellanies thus far that strengthen this point. If we're to put aside that he knows all the abilities of every individual under the sun, there is more sensible information he's very aware of such as Nahida being able to read minds or the subtle nod that he has divination abilities (this is also fortified in the Travail trailer, in which thus far we can conclude canonically that he knows about events bound to happen three years —as there have been three Lantern Rites for now— into the future for now and there are more nations to come and thus his divination may stretch more years too).

While those connected to Irminsul in some shape or form are special (Rhukkadevata, Nahida, Dainsleif but also Scaramouche to some extent), it's also known that humans try to commune with Irminsul in order to tap into any knowledge they want in Sumeru. This possibility isn’t without tremendous hardship that can drive one to madness and insanity. There are few in number who can attune with Irminsul in the first place, but even there are even fewer in number that managed to not lose their mind. All knowledge requires the proper preparations and abilities to become receptor of this without having one’s mind cave in. Some researchers spend their entire lives without ever successfully connecting with Irminsul and there is no guarantee that one’s consciousness will remain unscathed in every attempt at attuning with the All-Knowing. In order for this to happen, there are two stages of the process and those who manage to be in any at all are revered as nothing short of a genius.

On the other side there is the Abyss Order, who is in the know of far more than any regular human in Teyvat hopes to be (the Fatui are an exception to this rule) and whose knowledge stretches far back to being aware of the existence of dragons, era in which humans didn't exist yet in this world. Part of their craze and a strong point of why they're doing what they are is because they know too much, they don't like how the world currently is and desire to change it to their liking by throwing everything into the Abyss.

Irregardless of whether it is for having a connection to Irminsul or for knowing more than one should, Dainsleif's rationality prevents him from going crazy from everything he learned about (Nahida herself claims something along the lines that if one were to be subjected to certain truths directly, they could go mad) in a similar fashion as the Abyss Order or fall into a state of disbelief and to not know what to do. For having all the information at his disposal, his deeds are all in benefit for humanity in Teyvat without falling into egotisms (one could argue that him wanting to fight for humanity is a bit selfish, a potential reason being that he doesn't want more innocent people to suffer what Khaenri'ah did —and not all of them, as part of the population saw it on themselves for multiple reasons, but those who genuinely wanting nothing to do with the gods and wanted to be left alone—).

✧ Detachment from the Abyss Order's way of thinking despite being in the possession of relevant information.

This is somehow related to what I mentioned before. Those who form the Abyss Order made of the information they know an obsession, they warp said information to their convenience and they have potential intentions to shove the truth down everyone's throat (however manipulated that truth might be, all things considered about the workings of the Void and how negative feelings are magnified) as they don't like the fact that people are clueless to the reality behind Teyvat's history.

With Dain we see another manner of acting even knowing the unfairness of it all, how he's opposing openly the Abyss Order even though he shows a certain disdain to gods (Zhongli always gets the most of the beating, while he has nothing bad to say about Nahida— similarly, in the past he indirectly sided with 3 gods at once during the Cataclysm so despite his dislike for gods, he takes each of them individually for what they do actually) and could've gone against them as the Abyss Order and the Fatui / Harbinger / Tsaritsa seem to do. This is another trait that in my opinion, makes his rationality shine over his emotional side even if it could be more than justified.

✦ Curse of immortality and corruption factor.

Without getting into much details about the curse of immortality and what Dain suffers from it, and following the line of thought that despite being two different things, these are highly likely intertwined and from one same source, Dain has to keep in check his emotions by forcing himself to stay rational. As I mentioned before, the void / abyssal influence magnifies one's negative emotions which would make it easier to fall into madness or have an irrational mindset which at the current moment, Dain lacks. Likewise, he claimed that he can feel how the curse is slowly making its way into his mind as if it wants to replace him, which makes two risks concerning emotions that would put him in a worse place than he already is more than would benefit him. Additionally, it doesn't help that the Abyss Order is brilliant at manipulating and in their countless encounters with Dain, it's hard to not think that they had no kind words to say to him, specially if by easy logic they should be on the same side.

For these reasons, he has more motives to value his rationality that differs greatly from others' than his emotions. Although most likely he would've preferred the latter. He showed a strong emotional side during Requiem of the Echoing Depths at the thought that he was too late to save those poor Hilichurls but also the Black Serpent Knights and Halfdan, and a highly telling quote in a miscellany says that he doesn't relish the solitary life he leads, which makes one think that he isn't doing what he's doing necessarily because he enjoys it, or that he wouldn't like to take a break or have a companion —doesn't matter if platonic or romantic— by his side. But perhaps his wish to not see another civilization fall tragically and his selflessness (or selfishness, it depends on the perspective) to put others before him.

Senses headcanons → No longer accepting || @colzhia ✦

#colzhia #◟༺✧༻◞ what use has the veil of falsehood? ┊ask.┊#hello there!#thank you for sending this ♥︎#apologies if the might sound confusing #it's pretty complex coming from Dain tbh #this got pretty extended but— it's warranted #considering what he has to put up with #and /despite/ everything he still keeps being the way he is #I think that not many people appreciate this of him #and would rather have him side with the Abyss Order #when this here is precisely his strength #and for dealing with this for 500+ he deserves respect

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myeverydaymess · 2 years

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My 2022 in a nutshell

It's been a few months since my last update. I have so much I want to write about, but I almost always feel tired whenever I try to write or have too much on my plate - I never even started to expound the ideas in my mind. Even now - the post-Christmas and the pre-new-year week I always allot for self-reflection was taken away by work. My mind is just elsewhere and everywhere. So I'm planning to use a journal again this coming 2023. I hope that it will, again, help declutter my mind.

It was a challenging year for me. I set an ultimatum to myself last year that if there's no progress with my boyfriend, I will end things and move on. Weak-minded that I am, I was not able to break things off. Instead, I received another challenge - a challenge I detest the most! Apologies were said with the same promises, and again, I fell for it. So here I am, engaged, unsure but looking forward to the future because the challenge we've just overcome strengthened our relationship. We're now at a stage where it's not all about romance anymore; we chose to stay.

After some realization that I was leaving nothing for myself, I felt drained. As if my soul was sucked dry. I lost the part of me that cared for my loved ones. I unknowingly detach myself from these people. Everything feels different now. I learned to love myself more and not let others use my kindness. The biggest lesson this year is to set boundaries even with your family. There's only so much you can give.

I want to leave behind all the negative emotions I had this year - but not the lesson it comes with. I'm leaving the pain but not forgetting why it happened and the changes which made me who I am today. I'm thankful for all the eye-openers, opportunities, and achievements 2022 has given me. I'll strive to be better this 2023 and the succeeding years.

I'm looking forward to 2023. I'm hopeful and ready to take on another year!

#journal

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redwineconversation · 10 months

Text

Vanessa Gilles OLPlay Interview (December 12, 2023)

Lyon's favorite chaotic wine aunt sticks around to create mayhem and out players' secrets for a little longer.

Blah blah standard disclaimers apply; @OL Comms Dept a PSL or a medicine ball would do nicely; stans were, are, and forever will be annoying and should be banned from stadiums; y'all know the speech by now.

Timothee > your club's journalist.

VANESSA GILLES OLPLAY INTERVIEW

Timothee: Vanessa, you extend your contract today, one more season with Olympique Lyonnais. How do you feel once it's done, once everything has been signed?

Gilles: [laughs] Yeah, really good. I said it when I arrived, I said last year, I'll say it again, you don't turn down Olympique Lyonnais. It's been a dream to be here since the beginning. I'm happy the dream continues.

Timothee: What were the factors? Did you hesitate at any moment? Was your decision made from the start?

Gilles: Ah, it's hard to hesitate when Lyon wants you to stay and you feel good [with the team]. The club, the team, the staff, they all welcomed me with open arms. I have a little family here. I'm really happy here and I didn't hesitate at all.

Timothee: And I imagine you still have lots and lots of things to accomplish with this club. You still have a lot of ambition, I imagine.

Gilles: Well, I hope so. For now I've won my very first trophies with the club. There's one more which still motivates me that I'm missing.

Timothee: We get the feeling that everyone is focused on the Champions League this season. You're on a bit of a mission.

Gilles: Well I think that Lyon is on a mission every year to win everything, to smash everything. But it's true that this year with the team that we have, the means that the new owner, Michele Kang, puts at our disposal, we're motivated, we're ready. It's true that it's one of the objectives for the end of the season.

Timothee: About precisely that. How did things change over the summer? The staff strengthened itself, a lot of people arrived. Do you feel that you have exceptional conditions now?

Gilles: Yeah, for sure. We already recruits who arrived who do a lot of good [to the team], it must be said, both in the locker room and on the field. The staff as well, they do a lot of good. I think that the staff who was already there feel much more supported and feel that they are able to focus on many more things. As for us as players, for sure it makes us feel like professionals, like when you join your National Team and you come back, you have the same means, you have the same resources. So it does a lot of good. And that allows us to continue, to be really well supported mainly, and to perform well.

Timothee: Can you explain a little bit to us what has changed in your game? And as a human being, how has your arrival at Olympique Lyonnais changed you? What have you learned by being at Lyon?

Gilles: I don't think I've changed that much. But for sure I've really progressed, especially on the field with the ball. Lyon is a team who dominates possession and who really expects their defenders who be present when attacking. So learn how to combine, learn how to find space, learn how to create space, etc, those things I wasn't used to doing. But I think a lot of people who don't play for big teams aren't used to that. So already that. And in terms of the human aspect, I think I found some great friends, great teammates and I think that moves things forward. It makes you feel at ease. As a person I haven't changed, but I found this motivation and love of life again to be in a club and to train, to play, go to sleep and do it all again. When the hours are so long it really helps to have that.

Timothee: Yeah, we really feel there is a cohesion where in the moments where you have to make an effort for each other, it's easier. And the cohesion is a thing - it looks like it's something you hold dear to you, because you work really hard for it. You bring a lot to the team in that sense.

Gilles: Yeah, I think that it's one of Lyon's main strengths even before I arrived and long after I will have left. I think Lyon will always keep that mentality, that culture of helping each other. Because at the end of the day, yes, we have great, great players, but it's a team who wins games. I think Lyon understood that really well and cultivates that mentality so that the new recruits understand that and work on that so we can go get the trophies.

Timothee: And you also speak the two languages [English and French]. It's a real advantage to be able to talk to everybody and be the link as well.

Gilles: Yeah, obviously it helps. But as I said, the French players speak English, the English [speakers] speak French. So I think that when you come and you only speak one language, you're quickly welcomed and you learn quickly how to understand each other on and off the field.

Timothee: The season when you arrived, it wasn't the easiest. You came and the context wasn't easy because there were endless injuries. This year it's off to a good start. What are your feelings on the start of the season? Are you satisfied with how things are going for the moment?

Gilles: Yes, obviously you can only feel good about the start of the season. As competitors we look back at each game and see where we can improve, because there is always room for improvement. But that's sport, it'll never be perfect. So it's exactly that mentality which will help us goin forward and throughout the whole season. But I think that as I said, we have recruits who are doing us an enormous amount of good. We had players come back from the World Cup with a lot of hunger and a lot of motivation to start this season. So it's different from last season. We have so, so many less injuries, thankfully. That's something which affected the team mentally last season and isn't weighing us down this season.

Timothee: You arrived in September [2022]. I think your first goal was in January [2023], maybe even right at the beginning of February. I think it's January. There's been quite a few since then. You're beginning to also be decisive in the other box. Is that important for you?

Gilles: Yeah, I think it's something I can bring to the team, that I can help the team with. Headers are one of my qualities, maybe not shooting with my feet. [laughs] No, but I think this team is stacked with the ability to score from the number of corners or free kicks that we have. Being able to score is the least we could do.

Timothee: Are you looking forward to the decisive games in the UWCL? We felt this was a team who was really growing into themselves last year, and was halted in their tracks. You were on the score sheet that night at Stamford Bridge. Are you eager to play those games again and show that you're still there?

Gilles: Well we still have the group stage to play first. We don't take anything lightly, and we really take advantage of each game that we're able to play. So we don't look too far ahead, we take pleasure out of it when we can and for the moment that's two games against Brann, a game against Fleury. Those will be good games to play. Whether it's a game at Stamford Bridge or a game in Norway, it's football and it makes us happy. It motivates us the same way.

Timothee: Well, we're really happy that you're staying longer with us.

Gilles: Thank you. Me too.

#all good love stories start in the rain #vanessa gilles

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lgcyuuki · 2 years

Text

TRIMESTER JOURNAL ;; IRIE YUUKI

1月3日

takako is angry.

i finally got to meet up with my friend from japan. she didn't know i got signed here, so i wanted to surprise her, but instead i ended up making her upset somehow. i tried talking it out with her, but i'm not sure if it actually worked or not. she thinks that i'm not taking this seriously, but i do intend to. i don't think i have any other ways to prove it than by working as hard as i can to learn what i need to know.

1月15日

i have image class. image is hard. it is hard to understand. bang yohan tries explain. he is fun.

i'm writing these entries every day, but i always feel bad for being able to express myself so little in korean. i want to be able to talk more with the other trainees soon. it's very hard because most people here speak either korean or english, and those who do speak japanese despite not being from there too, appear to not be too confident or fluent in it. i don't want to force people out of their comfort zone if it can be helped.

1月16日

image = ???

空気読み？

seriously. help. I'm not sure i understand this fully at all. the feeling i get is that someone's image is the person they pretend to be towards the general public. i'd think everyone does this in different ways because everyone thinks about how they look to other people, and if their behaviour is inconvenient. but image is this but it also isn't this because image is not always what you want to show but also what lgc wants to show but it is also what fans expect you to be. but i don't have fans. apparently being close to girls is bad too, but why? it's just a friend.

1月30日

i'm so tired.

2月14日

today is valentine. i am learning much korean so i want to show to people. i can talk on sns so i hope i can show progress. i am learning dance too. much more dance. but also sing and rap. it is hard.

this month i feel like we've been doing a lot of things that don't really seem idol-ish. it's been a lot of chores and i think we're supposed to do physical labour soon. i don't really mind these things as it feels like helping out at an inn to prepare for the holiday seasons, but i still don't really understand how it's relevant. is this also some image thing?

3月4日

today I'll only be writing in japanese because i'm too tired to even try make any sentences in korean. everyone else seem to have been here for much longer than me, so i feel like i'm so behind in everything i do. the training we're supposed to be doing this month is meant to "strengthen out weakest points" and while that's definitely a good way to think, most of these people only have one or two weak areas. the more i'm here, the more i realise that i don't fit in at all. takako was right. i'm stupid to think i can power through with weak goals and mediocre resolution. but i'm here. even if all of my skills are weak points, at some point something i do will become good with enough work and practice, right? i wish i could tell that to myself from high school. then maybe i would still be playing volleyball. it's too late to try to get back into it now, and maybe it's also too late for me to start at this whole thing now, but at least as things are now i don't want to regret giving up two things because i thought it was too bothersome to work harder for it. life isn't some manga and i'm not a main character who can overcome any obstacle if i try hard enough and work together with my friends. but maybe i can borrow a bit of the power of small giant hinata shouyou and jump towards the heights others thought would be impossible for me to reach. i dunno. maybe i'm just writing this in half delirium from lack of sleep and exhaustion. power of anime, help me through training tomorrow. maybe also the rest of the week if you're kind enough.

#lgc:traineemission #irie yuuki.solo

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thoughtslikeocean · 2 years

Text

I text R.

It was a funny meme that I kinda thought we would both laugh off and kinda keep going. I honestly expected to kinda be an asshole to me about it. As we talk about how things have been going in our lives since we last talked, I'm realizing that the narrative I've made up in my head about him isn't exactly true. *Surprise surprise*

In my mind, he couldn't wait to get away from me. I thought he was just hoping I would break up with him so that he could be with someone else. I thought he hated me. I relationship ended with me listing out all the reasons why I wasn't satisfied with him. And to be honest the things were so simple that because he didn't fix them, I just thought he was doing out purpose. I still think there is some truth to this but not in the way I thought.

He told me he missed me. Of course I missed him too. That was supposed to be my HUSBAND. It's hard to shake back from a person like that but I figured out a way to do it.

He hasn't been doing well. He's depressed and physically going through it due to an injury. He told me he had a dark year. And from what I know about his fam, he more than likely had to handle his mental health by himself. That breaks my heart.

I had a great year. Despite our breakup, I graduated, passed boards, re-entered another doctorate program, got a new car, moved into a new place, strengthened my relationship with my family and friends, physically got stronger, my relationship with God grew. I didn't enter into anything serious romantically but I did meet some wonderful humans along the way.

I feel so guilty. And I know. I know his depression doesn't have anything to do with me. I know that I shouldn't feel guilty about doing well in life. I know all these things but I still feel an immense amount of guilt. That man was my best friend. Genuinely the most important person in my life. I wanted to marry him. I wanted to have babies with him. I wanted to grow old with him. Knowing that he's been suffering this past year tears me apart. I would have wanted to have been there for him. I want to be here for him now but I don't know if that's something that can happen.

I feel like me entering back into his life would make his situation worse. Especially if I'm not coming back into his life to be with him. He doesn't want to hear about me dating anyone and God forbid I meet someone down the line and while we're friends, I have to tell him that I'm settling down with someone else. It would send him into a spiral. He'd of course be happy for me. He'll always be happy for me but it doesn't ever change the fact that it could've been us.

Do I want to be with him again? No. Not like this. The reasons why we broke up are the same reasons why we stayed broken up for this long. He still has not been able to conceptualize his importance in my life. I don't know if he understands his own self worth or is worth to me. He told me yesterday that he thought I never wanted to speak to him again. How could he ever think something like that? I've never in my life thought that way about him even when I was at my maddest! But his mind convinces him of things. And he always believes those thoughts over the words or actions I tried to offer him everyday.

I went back to the last words I said to him before we officially broke up. I want to be able to tell you that I had a lapse of judgment or I could've worded something differently or I didn't communicate something right. I really want to tell you that I went left somewhere in that message but I didn't. I stated everything about how I felt as clear as day. I still stand on the things that I said. There were things that I knew I needed out of the relationship and he, for various reasons, that I didn't know of, couldn't provide. I still need those things. And although I want nothing more for him to be in my life again, I know he's still not there yet. Who knows if he ever will, right? And that's the part that hurts.

I have to come to terms with the fact that this is him. Where he is is where he'll be and we will never be able to make this work together. That is not what I imagined in my head when we broke up. I genuinely thought there would be some light bulb moment for the both of us, we would figure out the problem and then we would continue on with life TOGETHER. I kinda still thought that up until now. Hearing from him made me realize that I might have unrealistic expectations when it comes to him. He's given me who he is and I can decide whether to be with him or not. Changing him into anything other than what he shows me is not an option.

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ipaaciir · 3 years

Text

How do I get good grades?

[ID: A banner that reads "Study tips" in all caps in pale green color, with pale yellow background and a geometric pattern in pale green in the corners. End ID].

If there's something I've learned from getting straight A's at school and university is that it's less about what you know and more about what your habits and skills are.

Look, I have this classmate who is always reading advanced books, listening to podcasts, and watching conferences. She knows A LOT. But this adorable person doesn't do homework, when she does, it's late or poorly done. Her comments in class are lacking coherence and her essays are badly referenced. All of this just lower her grades.

So what can she do? How do I get good grades?

[Disclaimer: these tips are based on my own experiences and observations as I study a social science and some of the things that worked for my in high school, I've also helped my classmate but these tips might not apply to you].

1. Strengthen your language four basic skills.

If you study languages you know we have to practice four skills: reading, writing, listening and speaking. Well, it's not very different for your native language. After all, is with language that we're able to communicate, share ideas and knowledge. You know... like, everything we learn at school (and more).

a. Reading: If you don't know a word, underline it, search the meaning and write it at the margin of the text, on a post it, or in your notebook. Underline main ideas and take notes or write a summary. This will help you not only for better understanding or studying, but also to participate during class. If you need to, read out loud and/or try to explain each paragraph. This is helpful for very complex text. Doing a diagram works too!

b. Writing: Learning how to express our ideas in the written form is... weird. I seriously don't understand why on earth we can't write just like we speak. Why do we must write differently? Is it such a crime? (I mean, I know why, I just find it so interesting and funny). Anyway, must teachers' corrections are like "uSe sYnOnYmS", "bReAk YoUr PaRaGrApHs", "cOnNeCt YoUr IdEaS", "aRgUmEnT mOrE", "UsE aPa CiTaTiOn". So, yeah, follow those comments... I'll try to make a post on how to improve your writing.

c. Listening: Pay. Attention. To. Your. Teacher. I know it's hard, I know some people have a lot of difficulties because of ADHD or other learning disabilities. I can't speak for that, but what works for me is to doodle or embroider, sometimes being on Pinterest works too. Just doing something that requires low cognitive effort while I listen to the teacher keeps me on the class without getting lost in my mind. Even if you didn't do the reading, if you listen to your teacher (and classmates) you'll be able to participate.

d. Speaking. I think many people can imagine how frustrating it is to watch a presentation by your classmates and that they just... don't know how to present?? (it's even more frustrating when you know this people want to become teachers). Practice in the mirror, practice with your pet, practice in the shower, practice everyday. Remember the "explain each paragraph from the reading"? Yeah. When you can explain something it means you understand it. So try to explain everything you learn, everything you understand. Even just chatting with your friends, family, about it. This will also help you to participate in class. The other day a friend of mine just randomly shared her screen and started explaining the bacteria that causes tuberculosis to me... I don't know anything about medicine but I still learned a lot because she knows how to lower her knowledge. Practice. Practice 40hrs a day.

2. Organization.

a. Have a schedule. Set alarms for everything if you must. Look, I forget to eat, literally. I focus so much on what I'm doing that I tell my stomach to stop being annoying and he just... listens to me?? He's like "oh, okay, finish what you're doing and when you're done just tell me and we can go to grab some food". So, I set an alarm to eat, to shower, to have dinner, etc.

b. Color code!! Color coding is my best friend since I was in preschool. Assign a color to each subject. My notebooks or folders are classified by color. My schedule has the corresponding colors. My Trello has tags by color. My folders on the cloud and on my computer have colors. This way I don't mess up things.

c. Agenda. Write all of your assignments (with color code if you can) and everything on an agenda, to-do list, calendar, etc. Whatever works for you, but be conscious of all of your assignments. There was a point when I was in high school that I no longer used the agenda. I would write the homework and never look at it again, I just memorized (by accident) all of my assignments. I seriously don't get how no one noticed I had a big problem called anxiety. Before the modern plague I used a regular week by week agenda and it's what best works for me. I switched to a day by day agenda for a while... A nightmare. Fortnight by fortnight... Anxiety trigger. Now I use Trello since I have to do almost everything on digital.

d. Digital files. You must have well organized digital files on the cloud. I use my color code and my folders go like "university -> semester -> subject". I add a folder for each unit when I have many files. So inside "subject" or inside each "unit" folder I have "readings" and "homework". File names go like "1. Author - Title" for readings and "1. Type of homework (aka essay, diagram, synthesis, etc.) - Author/Title".

3. Discipline

If you don't do what you must when you must... It doesn't work, no matter how organized you are or how smart you are. As I said, my classmate learns a lot outside of school but she doesn't do her homework. I read just the absolute necessary (which I know is not ideal) but I have straight A's. To build habits is complicated, it will be hard but not impossible. Doing a bit is better than nothing. But keep doing stuff.

I have this friend who's very smart but procrastinates a lot, and she still gets straight A's. How? She does things when she needs to. Even 4 hours before the due date but she gets things done because she knows don't completing an assignment will lower her grades.

4. I don't want to do this specific assignment

When I don't find the energy or just want to avoid to do a specific assignment or advance on my projects, I... you're gonna call me nerd and you'll be on the right... I do other homework. Specially on finals. I just don't want to do a certain project and I go "well, what else do I have to do... Okay, this seems easy". And there you got me three days before the important due date with all of my homework for the day after done and the important thing just laying there... BUT, it does help!

That's it for now, I hope they help!

#studyblr #study tips #ipaaciir #college tips #school tips

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enluv · 3 years

Text

do exes see their breakup the same way ?

— lee heeseung x gn!reader

warnings: angst, no seriously I had to take a pause (it hit too close to home), i'm sorry hee fellow stans </3

coco's note: this was particularly harder to write seeing as, y/n & heeseungs relationship is based on a past relationship i had with someone i loved dearly that did not work out - you'll see what I mean if you decide to read it!

others: other members versions found here!

tagging: @bloom-bloom-pow <3

[video opens to two people in different rooms, neither can hear what the other is saying]

— "What's your name and the name of your ex?"

Y/N: Hello, I'm Y/N and my ex is Heeseung.

Heeseung: Ah hello, my ex is Y/N and I'm Heeseung.

— "Today we'll be filming you two separately to see how your answers differ. Are you ready?"

Y/N & Heeseung: Yes!

— "How did you meet?"

Y/N: Much unlike our friends from before, Heeseung and I met through school, we were friends before we dated.

Heeseung: They were in my class and we got assigned to do some type of project together, we clicked and became best friends.

[directed at heeseung]

— "What grade was that?"

Heeseung: It was 1st year, uh 1st grade.

— "Were you nervous?"

Y/N: Heeseung was super popular in our school, of course I was nervous! He literally smiled and girls would swoon. I wasn't sure what to expect.

Heeseung: Y/N was so known around school so yeah. They're really smart and so the school allowed them to move up a grade. I'm older than them but don't ask them that or they'll deny it. They were the talk of the school, it wasn't common for people to move up. I wouldn't call it nervousness but more like I was expecting a lot.

[round one of questioning ends]

— "How long were you together?"

Heeseung: We were friends for eight years before I asked them out. Then we were together romantically for four almost five years.

Y/N: We were together for four years and eight months.

— "When did it end?"

Y/N: Almost a year ago.

Heeseung: I can't think of an exact date but it was a process, roughly a year ago I think.

[after the second scene is filmed the couple is ushered back to their places for the third set of questions]

— "Why did you break up?"

Y/N: Oh wow, we're just getting right into it huh. Okay buckle then. Heeseung and I were together for four plus years and most of the time they were filled with love but times get tough when you're with someone for a really long time, and you begin to drift. For some couples this strengthens a relationship and helps them last years and years, but for others it can cause a relationship to crumble, and for Heeseung and I, the latter was the case.

Heeseung: After almost five long years, we grew apart. It was like we'd learned everything about one another and after there just was nothing new. Y/N admitted to me that they didn't see a future with me, and of course that hurt but when I started to think more about it, I came to the realization that I too, did not see us continuing a already broken relationship.

Y/N: After we spoke our truths we couldn't let go. It was hard to let all that go. We were friends for a decade and then turned lovers after, but we knew we had to do it or neither of us would be able to move forward with our lives.

Heeseung: We broke up because we both wanted something new in our lives and in the end we realized that the something new we wanted, was one another.

[directed at heeseung]

— "Can you elaborate?"

Heeseung: We wanted new lives, we had new goals, and we couldn't do anything because the other had a different path. In the end, we realized that our relationship needed to change and it was us who wanted that.

— "Do you regret it?"

Y/N: At times yeah, but if we hadn't then we would have tied the other down in an unhappy relationship that neither of us wanted.

Heeseung: Always, but it was the right path for both of us.

— "Who broke up with who?"

Y/N: I think it was me who toed the line and brought it up first.

Heeseung: Me maybe, I remember asking them what they wanted and suggesting a break up.

— "Who took the break up the hardest?"

Y/N: I want to say me because just imagine having to let go of your other half. Heeseung was literally always with me, always on my mind, always in my life, and then suddenly he was gone. Someone who knew everything about me, the things I liked, the things I hated, everything, was gone. I had to start from scratch and that was so hard. Moving on from our relationship proved to be one of the hardest things I've ever done.

Heeseung: Honestly, I think everyone close to us felt it. I know that Y/N and I were hit hard but so were our friends and family. When we broke the news to our friends they were throughly surprised. No one had expected it. I remember getting a call from my brother asking me if something had happened to cause us to suddenly break up, hell even Y/N's mom called me.

[y/n and heeseung are asked to stay in place for the final question set]

— "What do you miss most about your relationship?"

Heeseung: I miss everything but mostly, the stability and loyalty. Y/N was and always will be my most loyal anything, and I will forever love them for that. I wanted them by my side forever.

Y/N: I miss our relationship before things went south. We matched one another perfectly and I'm glad we did, I spent my life with him and I'm forever happy that I was given that opportunity.

[a heartbreaking silence falls upon the studio as the staff and producer clap quietly before speaking up]

Producer: Thank you both for coming in today. We appreciate it a lot and wish you two the best, see you next time!

[the final lights switch off as the producer yells "cut!"]

coco's final note: this was not proofread seeing as I couldn't bring myself to go through it all again but I do hope you all enjoyed this fic :) if you have any thoughts on it lmk !! wonie's will be filled with fluff as a sorry for this one <3

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darielivalyen · 3 years

Note

We're heading towards holiday season so I have a related ask: what would the ROs in ToEN gift the MC during the holidays and what would they like to receive in return?

The holidays are basically here, so I guess it's time to answer this ask. It's not going to be a perfect answer, considering the game is set in ancient Egypt (no Christmas), but let's just go with the gift idea.

Persenet would like to receive something pretty but also practical, as she values work and proper behavior. She would like it if the MC gave her something related to crafts. Persenet has skilled hands, and I'm sure she'd enjoy making small trinkets or even clothes.

As for what she's give the MC, it would likely be something she made herself. She wouldn't buy anything. It could be an amulet, a bracelet, or maybe even a piece of clothing. Sandals?

Apepi loves wine, so he'd be excited about that, but he also wouldn't say no to some snake-related things. It could be an amulet with a snake, a beautiful ring, or maybe even a song/poem written by the MC? Definitely no dead snakes! He'd get really mad.

In return, Apepi would probably give the MC a baby. No, no, I'm just kidding. Or am I? I mostly am. He'd likely give them something like a ceremonial dagger to strengthen their bond. (I can't go into too much detail because this relationship is full of spoilers.)

Zephyros/Myrine would like to get something that would help them in their work as a mercenary. Mercenary is close to adventurer, and both these things need useful things like protective amulets, pieces of equipment, and stuff like that. They wouldn't be crazy about gifts like alcohol or pretty things. (They wouldn't complain, tho.)

In return, they'd probably give the MC something they found or got on their travels around Egypt. (Not only Egypt, tbh.) It could be an odd amulet from a different kingdom, a scroll/book, or even some strange thing to eat!

Menkaure would be able to give the MC literally anything they could possibly ask for, and he'd be more than willing to do so. He'd give the MC precious stones, he'd have craftsmen make statues of the MC, and he'd even have priests sing protective hymns. He wouldn't really do anything more personal than that, as he's not that kind of person.

In return, he'd likely be happy with just about anything. Since he has literally everything, gifts don't matter that much. It's the thought that counts, and for him, that's really the case. He would like it if the MC wrote him a song, tho.

And with that, I hope you all enjoy your Holidays!

I'll be back with the next progress update next week, and hopefully, with an actual content update on December 31.

#Temple of Endless Night #ToEN #ask #Happy Holidays!

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moonstarinfinity · 3 years

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BTS Group Astrology Interpretation

What is BTS's overall vibe? How does their debut influence them as a group, their sound, and how their career as a team will play out? There are a lot of things you can see about a group or business using event astrology, and we're going to explore how BTS's group astrology plays out for them as a whole. Want to see what placements are beneficial? Does their chart indicate fame? How does it influence their music? What potential things could be issues for them as a group? Lets take a look!

(This is long winded, so grab some banana milk and churros and enjoy the ride!)

Chart Pattern

Their chart pattern is called a "Tripod" pattern. This pattern indicates that they like to do their own thing. They are the trailblazers, and are often doing things that have never been done before. They refuse to be boxed in. We can see this in a TON of their music but the song that comes to my mind first is "Idol." They are not afraid to speak their mind and to bravely put their thoughts and feelings out for anyone to see and hear.

Personal Planets

Sun in Gemini - 7th House

Communication, self-expression, curiosity, and adaptability. This placement is STRONG for BTS when it comes to their lyrics and style. They change up their sound and styles frequently as they grow. They are excellent communicators and often times their lyrics are deep, but easy to follow.

They are crafters of the spoken word, and this placement is actually a great one for an artistic group. It allows them to stay current and to be able to understand and gather information about what is going on around them at all times.

Gemini Sun placements are very good at fitting in with the world around them, and in this case the placement is strengthened in the 7th house of relationships and beauty.

Gemini in the 7th house is all about learning how to get to know others better. This plays out in them trying to keep up with their fans and each other, and to really understand and relate to their closest relationships.

You can see this influence in their style, and in the way they try to empower, relate, and connect with people through aesthetics and communication. Take "Dynamite" for example: It was created in an attempt to connect, inspire and uplift people all over the world. It was well thought through, brilliantly created, and extremely successful.

Amongst themselves this placement allows for them to understand each other better. They are all very different people, but they all have an understanding and love for each other regardless, and this energy is part of what makes their bond so close due to it's ability to help them understand and communicate as a whole.

One thing they need to watch out with when it comes to this placement is a restlessness. They struggle to stay still for too long, which is good and bad. When it comes to the 7th house this means that they tend to not focus on one commitment for too long, but it also means that when things seem too stable they may get anxious as a group, which can cause some discord. Thankfully this is also good in the sense that it always helps them to stay relevant, and as long as they are investigating and researching before they make moves, they can use this to their advantage.

Moon in Leo - 8th House

Loyal, proud, adventurous, enthusiastic. This is a really bright and cheerful placement. It's also a placement that LOVES love.

In the 8th house this is a very creative and straightforward placement. They thrive on creating with their emotions, and they likely bring a positive spin to topics like death and rebirth. They often will have a deep understanding of things that are more taboo, and are able to express their views and feelings of these things in a creative and positive light.

As a whole they are very aware of the important people in their lives (ARMY), and it's very easy for them to emotionally attach because their love for their fans and their group is very deep and intense. If anything were to happen to their relationship to their fans or as a group it would be a huge blow.

They need to be able to express things in big, passionate ways. They have a big voice as a group, and it's likely people will try to discourage them and dull their shine and intensity. Think to when Namjoon and Yoongi were both teased and looked down on for being in a kpop group by other rappers. This is the energy they face as a group overall, and it's important to continually express their passion and energy regardless of the people that try to bring them down.

A downside is this placement tends to be pushy and somewhat domineering, so they need to stay patient with each other as a team. They may try to rush themselves into situations, and at times this could make them feel unstable, but again...as long as they are taking calculated risks with their music and contracts then this is a good thing.

Let me also say that this is a very psychic and intuitive placement and people and businesses with this placement are often times healers. They heal through their artistic expression, and they bring those deepest, darkest feelings to a place of comfort for their fans. If you look at all of their music there is a theme. Map of the Soul. That alone is already proof of this placement without including each song, their music videos and concepts, and the way they connect to their fans.

This is a GREAT position for a business because the moon in the 8th is also seen as a position that indicates wealth earned from others.

Ascendant in Sagittarius - 1st House

BTS has an overall energy that exudes exploration and is extremely social. They are relatable and well-respected all over the world. They are open-minded, flexible, and extremely good at adapting to constant change.

Hope. Excitement. Change. Optimism. This is a very good ascendant to have in both a personal and group situation. You can see everything here from adventure, to fame, to being charitable, to expression, to intuition.

Sagittarius is ruled by Jupiter and in the 1st house they are larger than life. This placement has been, and will continue to be, an amplifier for them. It is a placement that has led to fame, expansion, and notoriety.

This placement helps them be confident in themselves and their music. It's a placement of good luck and success. People are drawn in by the energy of this placement, and it helps BTS explore and understand all types of people, no matter their background.

They exude a colorful, childlike energy as a whole, even when talking about deep concepts and darker parts of the world and psyche. This makes them relatable and even for those that don't understand their lyrics, they can feel a sense of magic when listening to their music. They are funny, playful, hopeful, optimistic, and extremely likable.

This is another placement that has a strong intuition and a connection to spirituality. They often discuss things like the persona, shadow, ego, and the soul. These things are explored and the group as a whole grows and bonds through their own personal journeys and discoveries of who they are.

Generous. They LOVE to donate to causes. They LOVE to do things that better humanity. They are well informed, knowledgeable, and extremely attuned to the things going on in the world, and will sacrifice whatever they can as a group to bring awareness, support, and donations to causes that really need it.

A downside to this placement is a tendency to get bored, so they may have lots of projects that don't get finished or brought to light. They may get restless when they feel like they've been stuck in a situation for too long.

For some they may come off as naive or overly optimistic, and we can see that this was an issue in the beginning for them when they were looked at as just a kpop group, and not as a group that is more serious. Thankfully they have worked hard and proven time and time again that they are much more than just a kpop group.

Personally I don't see many challenges for a Sagittarius rising, and I love this placement. It's beautiful, and I could talk for days about how this placement is a lot of what BTS is known as.

Mercury in Cancer - 8th House

Here we find a place that helps BTS to slow down their high energy. Cancer is all about emotions, intuition, and going with the flow, and is traditionally ruled by the moon. Mercury is all about communication and knowledge, and the 8th house is the house of Scorpio traditionally. A place that is deep and watery.

This is a gentle, calm, and deep placement. They understand emotions, and express in a way that helps people who are in the darkest places feel heard and nurtured.

This placement is a huge one for music. It helps with rhythm, lyrics, and putting emotion into melody. This helps BTS express emotion through their sound, and that's a magnet for them as a musical group. Think poetry through sound and lyrics.

They can get frustrated as a group with "facts only" conversations, and as a whole will always touch on deeper subjects. They likely won't engage with drama or mainstream theatrics. They will likely stick to more personal topics in their music.

This also allows them to present or perform things in a powerful way that lets people know what they think and what they mean without any doubts. They are honest, and expect that honesty back from the world.

They may also need to retreat at times to work on projects or to go through their projects as a team, and all of them have to bring their viewpoints together in order to create the deep, soulful music we know. They likely have a ton of deep conversations amongst themselves about their feelings and emotions.

Ultimately this placement is kind, caring, and loving. BTS uses this placement to help people heal deeper wounds through love and compassion.

Venus in Cancer - 8th House

This placement honestly just triples the love, compassion, intuition, and care BTS has.

It brings a sensitivity and dependable energy to their group, and to their fans. They are protective, patient, and caring when it comes to their group and to ARMY.

This is another romantic placement, and it means they have a DEEP love for BTS as a whole and for their fans. They feel the connection on a deep level, and they place a ton of trust in their fans. (See Jungkook running into a crowd during a concert with zero fear, or how outspoken they are on controversial topics.)

They build a home amongst themselves, and invite their fans in to that home. It's a home built on dreams, intuition, love, compassion, and connection.

Again...spirituality. Literally their chart screams spirituality. This is another placement that focuses on the deep inner workings of being a human, loving ourselves and others, and developing humanity overall. You can see all of these spiritual influences in their music. They even touch on subjects like astrology, intuition, death of the ego, dark night of the soul...the list can go on for a long time.

They need to make sure to appreciate where they are at now, as this placement can make them forget to enjoy the moment. They need to allow themselves to revel in the current success and not chase after the next thing on their list. Celebrate the successes that you have now, because soon this moment will be a memory. Enjoy it while you are in it.

When they are hurt by someone or something they have a tendency to close down, and this would affect them on a more personal level. For example if someone in the group is hurt by a rumor, the entire group will put up a shield and nurture that person. They might withdraw from the public to make sure everyone is safe and cared for until there is no longer a threat. They also might hold grudges as a team against people who wrong them as a group, meaning that they could potentially fuel each other to do this if they aren't careful.

If you've ever noticed that they have a magnetic draw, part of that charm can come from this placement. It makes them naturally appealing and have a social chemistry as a whole that keeps people intrigued and coming back for more. As a group they develop each other and can actually increase each other's attractiveness.

Mars in Gemini - 7th House

Witty and edgy! Mars in Gemini knows how to use their words, and they definitely are not shy about it. This is a high energy placement and when the group is fired up about something expect there to be a lot of explosive communication about it. Think about songs like "Cypher 4" and "Ddaeng" and you can feel this energy.

Fast. This placement is FAST. This seems to be a good thing for BTS as long as they can take the moments to celebrate their successes as they happen. They are always quick to change and adapt. This speed allows them to keep up with trends, other groups, and the world. They just need to make sure all decisions are thought through, and usually this placement really helps them make calculated, smart decisions on the fly.

This placement is really good for BTS in the sense that it's usually a great fit for careers in the media, fashion, and entertainment. Again it's about keeping up with the trends and communication. What is cutting edge? This placement knows.

Usually people with mars in Gemini discharge their powerhouse energy through their hands, so it makes sense that as a group they are constantly making music. They also enjoy doing group puzzles and games together. (See BTS Run.) They have to constantly stay busy or they may get bored or depressed, and this just means that as a group they feel the most success and happiness when they are busy. They need that constant change so they can stay hyped up, and when they are all together their energy levels rise tremendously. This is where some of that chaotic energy comes from.

With Mars in the 7th house they may often times actually thrive in being the leaders, and they tend to have a dominant energy, but for a powerhouse group this is a good thing. They are extremely honest and loyal to their fanbase and they will likely fight anyone who comes for their team or their fans.

They are extremely competitive, and this placement almost always guarantees success. They don't stop until they are finished with a project, and they throw themselves into what they are passionate about as a group.

Jupiter in Gemini - 7th House

Lucky. Successful. Spiritual. Curious. Jupiter rules Sagittarius traditionally and this is actually a really great placement for them. They love to travel and be students of the world. They are constantly exploring in many different ways, and this allows them to bring their knowledge to a platform.

This placement is also very fortunate financially. It brings them wealth, which in the 7th house this can mean that it also brings the group lots of beauty and love.

Long term partnerships and relationships (with each other and their fans, and company) are predicted here. Jupiter is the sign of expansion and in the home of partnerships, relationships, and beauty, this can indicate a very happy, harmonious, long term situation.

I want to mention that their Ascendant is in Sagittarius and that actually affects this placement as well. Sagittarius being ruled by Jupiter means that this placement is actually their chart ruler. That means the effects of their Jupiter can be felt much stronger as a group than some of their weaker placements.

They have an innate ability to make their enemies into their friends, gain the affection and trust of the public, and to turn any partnership into a successful, financially lucrative situation. So this makes lots of people want to work with them and sponsor them. Think LG, FILA, Maplestory, Hyundai, Conway, Baskin Robbins, etc.

This placement personally makes the group very aware of their own energy overall. So they are very in tune with what feels like it's in alignment for them at any given time, and they will do research if they are not sure how they feel. They will usually discuss amongst themselves and really feel out how the whole group feels and thinks about things like partnerships and projects before committing to them.

Legal matters. They win. The 7th house is also the house of legalities and contracts so if at any point any legal matters arise for BTS, they have luck and intelligence on their side x10 because of this placement. They likely will quickly, easily, and successfully deal with any legal stuff that comes their way.

Last, but not least, for this placement: Their fans mean the world to them. Their love and relationship with their fans is amplified because of Jupiter being in the 7th, and you can see their love for their fans runs deep. It hits them very hard that they haven't been able to perform live, or meet their fans in person for a while, more so than a lot of other groups. They feel very deeply for their connection to their fans, and feel extreme amounts of happiness, love, and success when their fans show them love.

Saturn in Scorpio - 11th House

Hard workers first and foremost. Saturn is the planet that rules over hard work, and Scorpio is one of the most intense signs in the zodiac. They take their work very seriously, and they will dive into their work and won't come back up for air until it is finished.

Shadow healers. They use their music to relate to people on a level that makes you feel like you are their best friend. This allows them to really help you open up to yourself and dive into the depths. They can take you on many journeys through your soul and psyche and help you through even the toughest moments.

Saturn here is really fortunate because it means they are meant to reap the full benefit of their hard work. Whatever work they put in they are rewarded tenfold in time. Because they had to put in the work they appreciate the reward a lot more, and generally don't let things like materialism or finances go to their heads. (See Bangtan forgets they are millionaires videos on Youtube.)

Friendship and their relationships with fans are very important to them. They value the friendship that the group has overall, but also externally. They actually gain a ton from their friendships due to this position, which is no surprise. Think about all of their music collaborations, and the fact that their fans are what makes them successful. This Saturn can traditionally make it hard for the person to open up completely, but...that's not necessarily a bad thing for BTS because they are a KPOP group, and need that privacy.

Speaking of privacy:they treasure their privacy, and they are extremely protective over their individual lives away from the group. They tend to have a wound here about trusting others with things like this, and I think rightfully so honestly. Fame can bring good and bad things, and being overly cautious when it comes to who you let inside is important for idol groups.

This placement also nods to a group that refuses to follow trends. They are very unique and want to express that, so they will ignore what everyone else is doing, and follow their own beat. This can lead to them feeling isolated as a group sometimes, which may make them doubt themselves at times, but they ultimately should know that this ability to be themselves is what attracts the greatest things into their lives.

Their biggest shadow fear is the fear of being misunderstood. Mostly because of the point we just went over. They have a fear that they will be so deep or different that people won't understand them and that they will lost interest, or they will never truly understand their messages.

They also may fear that they will lose their passion as a group and things may spin out of their control, or become inconsistent. They want to heal the world and reach as many people as possible, and there's a fear that they won't do this, and at this point that they would lose the status they have and stop being able to change the world through their music.

They need to know that their whole chart is lucky, and as long as they keep following their passions, their spirituality, and their values they will be extremely successful as a group. You're already so many leagues ahead of so many people BTS, so look around right now and know that you are safe and that so many millions of people love and support you.

Transpersonal Planets:

Uranus in Aries - 4th House

A powerful trailblazing placement! This is yet another sign and planet combination that goes their own way and leads the group into uncharted territory with confidence.

Uranus in the 4th house traditionally makes them feel like they are outcasts or outsiders. That they don't necessarily fit in or have a "home." Aries being here drives them to create a home of their own. This is why they make every person feel included and safe with them.

They also will find that this aspect makes them feel at home with each other as a team of people who may feel like they don't fit in with "normal" society, but they feel like they fit in with each other.

As a whole they will encourage each other to rebel against society, norms, and traditions. They will all feel like a fire is lit beneath them when they are working together. A passion and bravery will exude from them as a whole.

This will give them a craving for freedom (which goes hand in hand with their Sagittarius Ascendant) and a desire to be independent. They will find that this placement develops a safety and stability within their group, and this is what gives them a strong foundation. They may at times come off as cliquey but they are far from it. They just really like to do their own thing, and are confident in the foundation they continually build together as a team.

Normally this placement can indicate hardships with family, but because it's a group chart reading this is saying that they come from all different backgrounds, and atmospheres, and they find a way to make anywhere their home as long as they are together. At times they can be dependent on each other, but this bond is what gives them stability in their endeavors as a team.

They are all inclusive, meaning that their love (ARMY, music, each other) doesn't judge, and it accepts everything. They are not superficial, and they like to think of themselves as a safe place for anyone and everyone to land.

Neptune in Pisces - 3rd House

Led by their intuition and thinking processes, they will look within their group and themselves to move forward.

I know this is sounding like a broken record but: SPIRITUALITY. I can't say it enough. They like to know the ins and outs of the deepest parts of life. They like to develop themselves on an individual level, as well as in their group. They then like to share this journey through music and art as true Neptune in Pisces placements often do.

It's another placement that gives them a leg up when it comes to communication as well. They have a way of using metaphors, art, sound, lyrics, and emotion to explain and teach things on a global scale. It's one of the reasons they are so popular globally, and relate to almost anyone they come across.

This placement has a power struggle early on between the mind and intuition. Generally there's a lack of knowledge on how to express, but over time as the mind and creativity flow together, it becomes a powerful placement. We can actually see this in BTS in the way that early on their music was influenced more by others, and now they are the ones who are creating their music exclusively from within themselves.

Eccentric, different, funny, and sociable. This placement creates a very forward-thinking group that loves the unusual and thrives from doing things in their own ways. It's given a very energetic and humorous spin because of the fact that the ascendant is in Sagittarius, and the overall energy of their chart allows for the group to have a massive amount of freedom, passion, and drive.

Pluto in Capricorn - 2nd House

I laugh at this placement because this can lead to a tendency to be very frugal with money, but can lead to holding onto things too tightly. So for instance: If your phone breaks, you tape it back together instead of buying a new phone. It's not that you can't afford one, it's that you don't value buying a new phone, and would rather save the money for something better. Plus you like that phone, and it still works, so why not?

This is a very logical and practical placement, and the goal of this placement is to teach the group what is really valuable, and in doing so they can translate that to the world. It causes them to develop as a team in the realm of stability and finances.

They are incredibly gifted at following their intuition as a group when it comes to what they spend money on, how their tours are organized, what businesses to partner up with, and how much to invest into their projects financially. They just understand and know the ins and outs of what is the best deal and what can bring them the most success.

They likely have struggled as a team with the pull of money versus stability from within. They have to continually understand that their group is stable and abundant just because of who they are, and that it's not all about how much you can earn or how successful you are. This will help alleviate the fear that all can be lost at any moment by helping them understand that they could lose these things, but that they won't lose their stability in each other.

The lesson is to let go a little. They need to follow their intuition, and it's okay if they are a little possessive over their team, their fans, and their success, but they also need to be okay with letting things come and go. They seem to already work through this challenge really well, and thankfully their other placements make it a lot easier to not get stuck holding onto everything. See the song "Let Go."

Aspects:

Scorpio North Node - 12th House

Their purpose as a group is literally to show the transformation process (death and rebirth, spirituality) through art and music.

Their challenges are to embrace the unknown and to teach others how to do the same while understanding and accepting their emotions and themselves for who they really are.

It's all about embracing change and emotions for what they are and flowing through them. You will find that most of their music is about this very thing. Love yourself. Map of the soul. It's all about transforming yourself by working through your shadows and wounds.

Song recommendations if you want examples: Butterfly, Interlude: Shadow, Persona, Ego, Black Swan, Mikrokrosmos, Magic shop....I could just say their entire catalog really.

The goal is to change the world by helping people step out of their comfort zones, follow their passions, and love themselves. If that isn't beautiful, I don't know what is. If you find yourself drawn to BTS, don't be surprised if you are also drawn to spirituality, self-love, and massive personal transformation.

Pisces Chiron - 3rd House

When I do group Chiron placements they are read as how the group helps their fans, each other, and potentially the world heal.

In this case they help each other and the world believe in the universe again. That there is good in the world, and that we are all part of one big beautiful consciousness. (Not to get all spiritual on you.)

People who feel like the universe has dealt them a bad hand, beaten down by the world, discouraged with life, will come to BTS for healing. When you listen to their music and connect to them as a group it creates a sense of oneness. They teach others that they are important, they do have a place in this world, and that they belong. Your differences are what makes you who you are, and they are here to help you see that, accept it, and embrace it.

They will help you see that even in the darkest times there is always light. There is always hope, and you are ultimately in control of your life. They teach that the universe co-creates with you.

This placement helps them to open people up when they've shut down. To nurture people back to believing in the good again. They do this through communication and connection. They help people to face their wounds and to transform from them instead of running away from them. Then once they've faced them, they teach you how to voice your thoughts, your passions, your emotions.

Chiron in Pisces helps them to understand and actually feel other people's emotions and pain, so as a group they need to make sure they take the time to recharge after long tours or giving their energy to people. They can easily take on other people's emotions as their own, but this is also what helps them heal others.

The 3rd house Chiron placement also helps them teach others to find a balance between logic and intuition. Practicality and spirituality. Light and dark. A place where you can have both instead of leaning into one or the other.

Speak your truth. Be yourself. Feel your feelings. Love yourself. "Speak yourself."

Midheaven (MC) - Virgo

This makes so much sense it hurts me. Virgo Midheaven is all about having the ability to look inside yourself and bring what you find out in the open to teach others. They are destined for a career that allows them to better themselves (which they all do) as well as the world around them.

They use language as a healing tool, and are suited to a career that allows them to express their knowledge that they've gained from deep introspection. They are direct, but nurturing. They often bring a grounding energy into their career.

They strive for perfection and organization, which for a group placement makes a ton of sense, considering this is for their career.

This also indicates an importance when it comes to coworkers and teamwork, which is yet another reason they all work so well together.

They have great attention to detail, and we can see this in how much work they put into getting each part of their music to be just right. It's a great placement for working on masterpieces.

There is a tendency to be overly critical of their work as a group, but again...they need to recognize their accomplishments and their success in the moment and this will help curb that. Plus a little self-criticism can be a push forward if it's constructive.

Hopefully this gives you some insight into who BTS is and how they interact with each other, their fans, and the world around them. At some point I would love to expand even further on their placements because they exude such a warm and supportive energy.

Here's their chart for anyone who is interested. More on their aspects to come at a later time!

Stan BTS, and stream "Butter" on all platforms!

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