#i just cried at the dmv and the lady just glared at me like i was the scum of the earth like maam i don't even cry around people
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promise this is my last time bitching about all of this ignore it but
#really truly and genuinely just don't want to exist right now every time i think this situation cannot get worse it somehow manages to#i just cried at the dmv and the lady just glared at me like i was the scum of the earth like maam i don't even cry around people#i trust i don't *want* to be crying right now i'm *sorry* okay i just don't know what to do i got given the wrong forms and papers and i#tried explaining all of that and she just looked at me like i was an *idiot* and wouldn't help me with *anything* it was so humiliating#i can't drive the temporary car until it has plates because if i get pulled over for that it's a $500 fine and if i get hit with that on top#of everything else i literally don't know what i'll do i'll probably end up losing my license#but if i can't drive the car i can't go to work and i also can't afford to not go to work right now#i literally feel sick all the time i can't sleep the last few times i've tried to eat anything i feel like throwing it up#and i just feel... so hopeless right now everything i'm trying isn't working or i think i'm getting somewhere and i hit another wall#and one of the most upsetting parts is i feel like no one is helping me and no one cares how hard i'm struggling right now#i literally just want to be allowed to be upset over this but when i got visibly upset at home everyone accused me of taking my frustrations#out on them and being self pitying and 'it could always be worse'#like i don't even know at this point but if i hear the words 'could always be worse' one more time i'm going to maul the person who says the#no one wants me to be upset that's too much to deal with i am *never* allowed to be upset i just want to vent about how shitty this is and#scream and cry at the unfairness of it for a little bit but literally *no one* is letting me do that#'it could always be worse so stop complaining' or if i am visibly upset at all all that matters is it's inconveniencing or upsetting to the#other person.... not that i'm struggling or need help or anything like that#i just want it to be OVER i want it to end i'm so sick of this every time i feel like i'm scraping to somewhere managable in life#something like this happens and this is the scariest and most upsetting thing yet#and i'm not even allowed to be frustrated or upset or sad or angry because then someone else is upset and that matters more than me#so it all built up and a cried at the dmv and every one stared at me like i was annoying and stupid and i want to KILL MYSELF#i want to melt into the ground i want to stop existing i don't want a single person to talk to me because i hate everything right now#but i also desperately want to actually say all of this to a person and them not get mad at me for and tell me it IS unfair it DOES suck and#i didn't deserve this shitty thing that happened or all the other shitty things that happened beforehand#i would also appreciate just pretending it wasn't a thing for a few hours and doing something enjoyable to me with a friend or two...#but that also feels far fetched and then i would feel guilty for not trying to fix this 24/7 even though at this point there's literally#nothing else i could do#i'm just.... so tired and so SO upset and i feel like nobody cares that i'm upset and i'm so sick of EVERYTHING#i'm tired of living
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