#i just feel like i’ve isolated myself a bit? or like people are drawing away but i think it’s just in my head

[tvrningout]

tldr for the below post/vent is i may or may not be away for a few more days! we’ll just see, and thank you for being patient with me as always 💜

maybe i’ll wait a few more days till i really come back? i dunno if that’s really the solution bc i just feel a weird distance from everyone rn, and that’ll just get worse if i stay away, i feel like. but i can also tell i’m probably at my worst as far as hormonal mood spirals go, and i really don’t wanna subject myself or y’all to that. it’s a rock and a hard place bc no matter what, i’m gonna feel bad to some extent — just if i stay away, i can maybe manage it a lil better. i really don’t know, so we’ll just see how the next few days go.

sorry to be so up and down, and thank you for being patient with me ;v; i really do hope all of you are taking care of yourselves and having good days!!

[zvdvdlvr]

— Give Me A Reason

synopsis. You want to be an Auror. As one of his favorite and brightest students, Aesop tries to convince you to not put your life on the line for a job. warnings. Making out. Age gap. Student/teacher. Self deprecation. Reader is the hero of hogwarts. R is in seventh year (aged 18). Mutual pining. Idiots. “In all seven years of my student-ing,” you said abruptly, drawing Professor Sharp’s attention from the essays he graded. “I’ve only heard you bring up your Auror days twice. May I go as far as to ask why?”

The man leaned back in his chair, watching the student he had grown to care for as… Professor Sharp watched you keep a careful eye on your Vertiserum as you organized potion ingredients on his shelves. “There isn’t much to speak about anymore. It was dangerous, and even when it wasn’t… there was never a moment in my life I wouldn’t look over my shoulder at every snap of a twig.”

“But…?” You prompted, knowing the potion’s master had more to tell you: he just liked to torture you.

“But the job has it’s… rewards. The pay is good. I hated the paperwork though.”

“Ew,” you agreed, moving onto the next shelf after adjusting the temperature of the fire below the cauldron.

A seed of fear suddenly bloomed in Aesop’s mind. “Is there a reason you’re asking about Aurors?”

You nodded. “It’s one of the only jobs I’m interested in. I have the grades for it, the experience,” you bit your lip, a rush of memories crossing your brain as you thought about all the escapades you pulled off in your first (fifth) year at Hogwarts. “It’s… the only job I see myself doing.”

Professor Sharp felt his stomach drop. No. There was no way he was sending in one of the brightest students he’d ever taught into a system that would likely kill her. “The paperwork is what you’d be stuck doing most of the time,” the man lied.

You looked surprised. “Oh.”

Aesop felt a flush of hope in his chest, hoping desperately to persuade you away from the career of an Auror. Anything but that.

“I’d still do it,” you said finally, a determined tone in your voice.

The hope died. “I see,” Aesop murmured disapprovingly.

“Why do I get a feeling you aren’t thrilled about my career choice?” You asked, finishing the second shelf.

“I was wondering when you’d catch on. Points to (your house),” Aesop wittly replied. His small smile disappeared. “Miss y/l/n, to be quite frank with you, the job will take a toll on you- mentally and physically. Not only will you undergo numerous field injuries, there is always the chance you would… die. This job is dangerous, isolating, and overall not a very enviable job.”

You just nodded. “I understand that risk, Professor. But I have a reason for wanting the job. I have a reason to put my life on the line for others. A reason for… for my own life to be sacrificed for others to live peacefully, should the time come. I’ve already thought this through.”

“Then tell me your reason. Give me a reason why your life is not as important as others’s?” Professor asked, sharp eyes watching your rigid form slowly turn to him.

“I’ve nothing keeping me here. I have the talent, and you cannot deny it. This- This is the only thing I’ll have after graduation! I- Professor, please don’t talk me out of this,” you pleaded, eyes glinting in the dim light of the classroom.

Now you’ve done it, old man. But he pressed on. “‘Nothing keeping you here’?!” The man stood up, furious, disappointed, and… surprisingly sad. “This isn’t a joke, y/l/n. You have plenty of things ‘keeping you here’! Your little Sallow friend, that Sweeting girl, the blind boy you sit by,” Aesop listed angrily, unconsciously stalking towards you. “Merlin, you have-“ he cut himself off abruptly, realizing the word he was going to say after. Me. Me, y/n, you have me. A part of Aesop scoffed: idiot, you are; only a fool would want an old cripple like you and everyone knows y/n isn’t a fool- besides, she’s a student. Date a student and people are going to wonder if you were given special treatment.

”Who else, Professor?” You asked, tilting your head to look at the man you had been crushing on for the last few years. Please, you thought, say it.

You took the smallest step forward, making Aesop realize how close he was to you. Your intense gaze held him there, refusing to move. He knew what you wanted, and he knew it would be disastrous if he gave in. But, truly, he was only a man. Standing in fromt of an intelligent, talented, beautiful, and witty woman. “Me,” the man whispered, tearing his gaze away from you.

“Give me a reason not to, Aesop. Give me a reason to st-“ you hadn’t finished your sentance before Aesop’s shaking hands grasped your side and pulled, forcing your body against his. He kept one hand on your nack, lightly holding onto him in case you suddenly fled for the door and moved one callused hand to your face. He brushed away a stray hair and his eyes flickered between your lips and your eyes.

“Tell me to stop,” Aesop whispered. His voice, low and gravely, made you shudder against his body.

Your eyelashed fluttered as you struggled to stay calm in his overwhelming presence. “Kiss me.”

Aesop’s lips locked onto yours, a low groan bubbling out of his mouth and being swallowed by yours as you kissed back with the same passion as he. Aesop cursed himself, knowing you could easily realize who you were making out with and run off, taking Aesop’s heart with you.

But maybe you needed this as much as he did. Your small gasps and whimpers surely fanned the flames of Aesop’s hope that you wanted him. Your hand slid up Aesop’s wide back and threaded into his hair, tangling. He groaned at your actions.

You pulled away abruptly, resting your forhead on Aesop’s shoulder. “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-“

“Was that good enough of a reason?” Aesop asked, knowing full well you were still probably imagining yourself as an Auror.

“Kiss me again and I’ll see if it was truly satisfactory,” you joked, looking up at the man who’s heart was currently in your unknowing hands.

“Y/n,” Aesop finally murmured, hand still on the small of your back. “Promise me you’ll be safe.”

”What?”

“Promise me when you’re on the field… promise me that you’ll be safe.”

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “I promise. Sir, what-“

“I can’t damage your reputation by being in public with you like this. As much as I wish, it cannot be. At least, not in the near future,” he whispered, resting his chin on your head.

“I know.”

Silence fell over the pair: you not wanting to move from Aesop’s comforting arms and Aesop not wanting you to go.

“I think your Veritaserum is done,” Aesop said.

You laughed, still clinging to Aesop.

[askuemki]

So I have no idea if I’ll keep this post up, but…

A little rant abt re8?? (And cod.. kinda) maybe venting (just a mess :,)

Disclaimer, take my opinions with a grain of salt I just wanna ramble lmao

Also spoilers, maybe (update, definitely)

So I’ve been having fun dipping my toes into Donna Beneviento (god her last name is hard to spell) content. After watching the gameplays and to at least have a basic understanding for the game, I find myself really drawn to her, maybe more than Alcina tbh

By no means i’m a diehard fan or anything, recently it’s been hard to find a new fandom to get attached towards. As much as I adore cod, there isnt really much to get attached too… like sure, task 141 is a fun group and the there is some GREAT art about the ships- but I only got attached because of Valeria, I won’t deny it at all. I’m a diehard lesbian, but there isn’t really much cannon content of her?? It’s really damn disappointing sometimes, man… same with Laswell. I appreciate all of the fanartists out there though, I adore all of the content here, fanfics or fan art. With Farah, she’s a diffrent story.. personally I never really got attached to her, but as a character she’s pretty neat. Her story sort of brings to light the horrors happening today which is a bit of a benefit…?? But ever since I found out things about both Valeria’s and Farah’s actors I’ve been a little off about things here and there. I don’t think I’ll stop posting Valeria content at all, it just might be a little less offen to indulge in different things.

Some personal things have been happening to make me feel really disconnected from like.. fucking everything for some reason?? Like I’m drifting away from fandoms, I’m drifting away from people and I’m like alone again.. I’m lost in a damn dumpster fire. AI art doesn’t help with this at all.. like why do I draw?? I’ve been drawing since I was in kindergarten like I never really thought of the specifics of perusing art, more or so just that I want to. Like hey, I wanna make a game or movie series, and something in me doesn’t realize I need to put in the effort to learn shit with just ends up in me doing nothing but self pitting on something I can change and ugh.. wish I can slap myself to get out of it.

So I think I’ve been kind of finding myself relating to Donna. Not in her extreme way, more or so just her aspect of being isolated, and just being known primarily for one thing. Like.. our side of art? Damn. Shit. I think I’m worth nothing.. and with Donna we don’t really know much about her besides her being a cursed Dollmaker, and the bare bones of her past. And we both barely fucking speak man… both hide our faces too !! maybe I kin this woman or something I don’t know

But as I was looking through her tumblr tag, I saw a rant about how headcannons and stuff has been stripping away the interesting stuff about the re8 villains… and with the things I’ve seen so far?? I can kinda agree, honestly.

Don’t get me wrong, if it’s not too.. insane? (I know those boundaries are hard to define at times, but maybe REALLY immoral shit for our “normal” world) and people aren’t forcing these headcannons into other people? I don’t mind headcannons. You do you, boo!

But the fan content I’ve seen, people reduce Donna and Alcina (I’m surprised it was pronounced as AlCHIna and not AlSIna, but side tangent over) from the potential they really have. Yeah it’s definitely nice to see Donna more, especially in those intimate moments.. but sometimes I feel like people just depict her as some shy, easily gullible, girl, and not really the mentally deprived woman she is. Like I’d love to see ideas of the different dolls Donna could create, or unique imagery of her mental state outside of having porcelain skin. What about the kinds of plants she takes care of? Or the dolls she makes? I’d love to see more of it, whether she has favorites, or if it’s a situation where she has doll replicas of her deceased family. Man, I really wanna see Donna do more creepy shit, basically.

With Alcina however? She’s kind of reduced to that (I’m going to cringe at these words so terribly, god help me) “hot vampire mommy”.. I’ll take fault for not looking into her content as much, I’m sure there’s great content out there !! (I’m not sure if anyone would do this but.. feel free to send me any fic recommendations or art) With what I want to see for her? I’ve heard from the rant post as a man-hating woman she had primarily female statues in her castle, it would be fun to see what else she has cause of this worldview, as well as more whitty remarks from her; I really enjoy her throwback with Heisenberg. Just in general.. her being a comical villain.

Okay so, the reason why I made this post in the first place before all of this shit threw up from my brain. Belladonna. At first, this ship really interested me, I like the character dynamics, the art was neat. But then something came up in my mind.. (as well as another rant post on the ship..) isn’t the Dimitrescu bloodline related with Donna? Both are failed experiments from Mother Miranda, and technically adopted by her. Though from what I know, Donna is the only one officially adopted. So would that be family..? I’ve seen a few places where Alcina called Donna her sister, and it makes me feel really off.

And I’ve seen in a few fanarts, Donna technically older than the Dimitrescu sisters posed next to them like another sibling??

I would like to endorse the ship, but just the morality of everything is off centered for me. I rather not support weird incest…

So please if people could maybe clarify for me whether it would technically be okay for support this ship.. I’d appreciate it. If it isn’t okay, I have plans on making a fan character anyways, or I can take current characters and make a resident evil au or something, and ship them when Donna. (I have a character that honestly looks like a mix of Alcina and Bela, but by no means she’s relates to the franchise, lmao)

By no means I’m experienced in resident evil lore or the fandom, this is just coming from a newer fan of the series, and what I’ve seen so far.

If you read all of this.. thank you?? I apologize if I sound ridiculous here, this is like the only place I can rant abt things without being brushed off for other shit

Good night now!!! I need to stop pushing my sleep boundaries ugh

[noemilivv]

hi hi! i just saw that you were doing matchups for hazbin, and i wanted to send something in!! this is my first time sending in anything like this on tumblr, so hoping i’m doing this right!!

✧ i’m genderfluid, and i’m generally more interested in men than i am women

✧ i’m ambiverted - i was raised in a way that made me a bit socially isolated, so i have issues with being social today. i don’t really know how to introduce myself to people, so i don’t speak to people unless they speak to me first. when it’s someone new, i usually let them lead the conversation, but when i’m comfortable with someone, i talk a lot more - i’ll tell them random stories i remember, and infodump about my current interest, run down the entire plot of the book i’m currently reading, all of that. my brain goes faster than my mouth a lot of the time, and i have trouble putting my thoughts and feelings into words.

✧ my style is all over the place. the most common color in my wardrobe is black, because mixing and matching colors kinda stresses me out. not to mention what i wear in my day to day can change depending on where i feel on the gender spectrum at any given time. my default is combat boots and (faux) leather jacket + gold rings and earrings

✧ my main love languages are acts of service (receiving) and gift giving (giving) - making people stuff is a sort of hobby of mine. i crochet a lot, and i love love love making people plushies <3 a lot of the time i’ll even start a craft project that i don’t even really want to keep and put it away in a stash of stuff to give to other people when the opportunity arises

✧ i bounce hobbies a lot, but the main ones that have stuck with me over a long period of time are drawing/animating and reading

✧ i have obsessive-compulsive disorder. there are certain topics/words i absolutely cannot say due to my ocd labeling it as taboo, and it’s made me a very superstitious person

✧ i cycle through interests a lot lot lot, but animation (both itself and as an industry) have been my main one for a while now. currently, i’m also really into dinosaurs and jurassic park! (fun fact, the velociraptor in jurassic park ought to be closer to the size they depict the dilophosaurus, and the dilophosaurus ought to be closer to the size they depict the velociraptor!)

make sure you don’t burn yourself out with these, i’ve seen you answer a lot already, take your time!! thanks in advance!

haha dw you did everything it seems!! i’m already burning myself out a bit sadly, as i’ve seemed to get a lot of requests than i can chew haha, but i’m gonna make it work!! you seem like such a sweetie, so ty anon for requesting!! i match you with…

Lucifer !!

Luci is a bit socially isolated too haha, as he sits at home and makes ducks all day

Speaking of, you two have your fair share of grandma-grandpa hobbies that you do together (crochet, knitting, etc)

He loves trying new hobbies with you, it keeps you entertained since your hobbies bounce back a lot, and it gets him out of his comfort zone

Also, he loves reading to you, he will do a bunch of silly voice for all the characters XD

You both just tend to info dump about your favorite topics to eachother, which Lucifer loves, no one really listens to his odd rambles, so the fact that you do is very heartwarming💕

[cherubchoirs]

Yo :3

So uh, I’ve been looking through your art and I am absolutely in love with it. I love your use of colors and lineart (ESPECIALLY v1 but I’ll get to them). This will mostly just be me rambling about it cause :]

Dude how the fuck do you get emotion so well done. V1 is immaculate, like look at this shit

You can feel that it’s alien to non robots, but is genuinely curious. I absolutely love how you draw poses. Especially since the characters don’t have faces, body language is key. They feel like they have a personality with each drawing. Always hunched down and extended with no regards to social norms. The attention to detail is what really makes it, the thicker outlines on the character make them pop more, and your take on V1 is clearly thought out well, along with your ultrakill characters.

LIKE LOOK AT IT‼️

IT GENUINELY LOOKS 3D‼️‼️

While my favorite is v1, Micheal in your aus is especially well written and drawn. His design reminds me a lot of the corpse of king Minos / Minos prime. which I like! It highlights their contrast, how Minos tried to reason with a higher being on an equal level. Micheal acted instead, deeming himself unworthy of said higher being. Both genuinely cared for their citizens, both were royalty. Minos spoke out, Micheal stayed isolated, which only further deteriorated him, unlike Minos, who instead was proactive, reaching out to other layers and kings like Sisyphus. Sometimes you need to know what it’s like to feel consequence in order to succeed. But in the end, both of their bodies are left to rot, unable to succeed.

Also I really like this one of v1. Their silhouette is distinctive and you’re good at posing :3

Sry. Idk if this is weird or creepy, but I thought I’d share my thoughts with you since I like analyzing stuff.

THE WAY THIS MADE ME SO EMOTIONAL THO....WTF THANK YOU SO MUCH......it's absolutely mind-blowing to me that you pay attention to these little details because i absolutely try to add all of these things intentionally, but i find myself thinking like 'will anyone even care??? about these tiny things???' so it means more than i can say to see that someone does!!!!! like i'm so happy to know that my characterization of v1 comes through, because i really do have a very clear idea in my mind of its behavior and personality that i'm trying to convey through still images. v1's movements are bird/raptor-like and while i give it a very sophisticated, sentient mind, its intelligence is nonhuman and it is a being that absolutely doesn't conform to our standards. v1 is something new, and i want it to be something that clearly has an internal life and a bright mind, yet exhibits very little corresponding human behaviors. plus, it's a bit odd because of its somewhat corrupted software, and so i wanted too for its little hunched posture to show it's sort of a machine gone feral (in the traditional, once was domesticated but is now on its own sense lol) - it was made with a humanoid body shape and so SHOULD stand up straight, but it doesn't anymore. because it doesn't want to. and so!!! i really do draw v1 with a LOT of intention and i put plenty of thought into posing it correctly to both convey its character and its emotion in the piece...and since it's my favorite, i'm so glad i'm doing it justice!!

AND YEA!!! michael definitely has parallels to minos (which i started to think on when i realized their head shape is....kinda similar lol i swear i was just going for crown + blindfold for mike's helmet but oops!!) and i do like their throughlines as fallen rulers, plus their sort of opposing yet ultimately disastrous relationships to their own corpse - minos is separated from his and must watch as it mindlessly tears his city apart while michael is trapped in a flesh prison of his own body, forced to stay within it as it rots away. they are two rulers that would have done anything for their people, and yet both failed them despite again taking opposite paths. minos really had no hope, the external forces of heaven coming down on him in their full authority, though he will forever blame himself. michael departed despite, with god's disappearance, being essentially the highest in heaven - he believed only god could save them though, that he could never become a king from a prince (again, due to heaven's own hierarchy). their meeting would be nothing but utter disaster, but it does make me consider their interactions a little more closely when michael decides to test minos prime's strength (because while michael would have a lot to say about how minos failed his people by defying god, minos would have much to say in turn about a prince abandoning his people at their weakest)

BUT FOR REAL....this message was so amazingly kind and i want to thank you again for sending it my way. it just made me!!!! feel so happy to see that my art is loved and that the work i put into it really means something. honestly it's the best thing i could ask for <3

[artificialqueens]

🏳️‍🌈 F*ck You 2020 (Biadore) - Angle

Short Biadore fic based on this exchange:

https://twitter.com/AdoreDelano/status/1288167210548998145?s=20

@Adoredelano: I’m BACK on social media because the world is over. Fuck insecurities, fuck depression, fuck beauty standards, fuck eating disorders. FUCK YOU 2020   @TheBianceDelRio: OK 

A/N: I submitted a prompt a few months ago for a fic based on this tweet exchange and I was thinking about it again recently. I’ve never written a RPDR fic myself, but I figured I may as well give it a try. It’s mostly introspection because I like writing it and I’m a bit self-conscious about it, but hopefully you enjoy! :)

***********

Adore slammed the top of her laptop down the second she submitted her tweet.

@Adoredelano: I’m BACK on social media because the world is over. Fuck insecurities, fuck depression, fuck beauty standards, fuck eating disorders. FUCK YOU 2020

Her palms were sweating a bit as she debated back and forth between rushing to delete the tweet or to let it be, but she knew it would have already been screenshotted and nothing draws more attention than a deleted tweet.

The past few months had been horrible, to say the least. She got herself up and out of bed about 98% of those days, but on many days that was all she had done. Adore had battled with her mental health on and off throughout her life, but it had never been quite this bad.

And then there was the eating. After seeing herself at a weight she had never seen or expected on her, and the internet repeatedly pointing it out, Adore realized she needed to make a change. At first, she bought herself an exercise bike and found herself on it for hours at a time. As the weight started to drop, she became addicted to it. And with the isolation of COVID, long runs became the escape.

The biggest mistake she probably made was buying a scale. Seeing the numbers go down was exhilarating and she wanted to see it go faster. So she did.

Surprisingly, it was the friend as far from her as possible who first called her out. Adore and Courtney used to facetime regularly, but somehow they had fallen out of that. Courtney was never one to shy away from the truth, and when they facetimed two months ago, Courtney immediately called it out.

“Adorm!” Courtney exclaimed as soon as Adore accepted the call. 

“Ms. Courtney Act,” Adore responded in her best Australian accent, a smile immediately found its way to her face hearing her friend’s voice. “How the hell are you?”

Adore immediately felt uncomfortable as Courtney eyed her suspiciously.

“Well I’m fine, but how are you doing?” She asked knowingly.

“Yeah I’m good. Just trying to write some music and stuff,” Adore responded, trying to sound as genuine as possible.

“You’ve lost a lot of weight, Adore,” Courtney said bluntly, never one to beat around the bush.

“Yeah, maybe,” Adore offered lamely. 

“Not maybe,” Courtney challenged. “You’ve lost a lot since we last talked.”

“Just trying to be healthier,” Adore countered unconvincingly. 

“Tell me the truth or I’ll stick Bianca on you,” Courtney threatened, using the ultimate trump card. “I’ll send her to your apartment and you know how annoying she’ll be.”

And then the tears came and it all came tumbling out.

She still struggled, more days than not. But Courtney was right, and Adore was absolutely exhausted. It didn’t feel like much of a blessing when it was so hard, but she could acknowledge that she owed a lot to Courtney for intervening before she had completely lost control.

Adore sighed as she eyed her computer, debating whether she wanted to see the aftermath of an incredibly vulnerable tweet. This year had been horrible for everyone, and she knew people were struggling. Adore also knew how many young fans looked up to her, and she felt like she had gotten to a place where she could be that role model for them again.

Curiosity won over as she opened her laptop and returned to twitter. Her mentions were absolutely flooded, the tweet apparently taking off faster than she thought. She scrolled through the replies and of course one stood out:

@TheBianceDelRio: OK

Adore laughed harder than she had ever laughed at a tweet as she picked up her phone and pulled up the only number she called as much as her mom.

“Pussyface,” Bianca said deadpan as she picked up the phone.

“Okay?” Adore exclaimed without any other greeting.

“I’m proud of you, but don’t tell anyone,” Bianca responded teasingly.

Adore smiled hugely and laughed, not so secretly loving any affection she got from the older queen.

“Bitch I would never,” Adore responded. “But thanks.”

Pride Challenge Points: 1487

[hasellia]

Happy non-binary awareness week everyone! Last night I revealed to my mother that I don't fully identify with being a man, and before I go into how that went, I wanted to type up how I got here.

I knew I was different to most kids growing up. When I wanted to play, they would go away, and when they wanted to play, I would go away. I was diagnosed with autism at a very young age, so any differences I saw between me and them were always blamed on that. “Oh, I like long hair and they don’t, must be because I’m autistic” “Oh they like athletics and I like drawing, must be because I’m autistic”. Any such difference. I’d come to learn such stereotypes of even cis neurotypicals aren’t true though. Eventually I found happiness by isolating myself, and my parents knowing that the usual parenting techniques wont work on me decided to lean into that. I had a very isolating childhood. My only friends being one other kid forced into the relationship and those constructed either in my head or by parasocial tactics by C list internet celebrities. Eventually though, I realised that I couldn’t spend my life solely living on someone else’s labour and decided to integrate into the community.

Then the pandemic happened. Then restrictions lifted. As I slowly teetered into the community, I noticed an uncommon reaction I was getting. People started confusing me for a woman. Not even necessarily mean spiritedly but genuinely caught off-guard when people close to me correct them “Actually, he’s a man.”. This was odd to me, after these interactions I noticed something else. “I’m not a fan of men, but you’re different.” “You’re not like the other men.” And such things were said constantly by my family. Even my 80 year old wannabe-nun grandmother said “Young men a such troublemakers, but you’re not like most men Hasselia. You’re something else.” Going into the community I could somewhat see what they were saying. I didn’t have the same attitude or likes as most of the ‘regular’ men I saw. But at those times, I just thought they were neurotypical. But then I realised even the neurodivergent men I’ve met were different. They didn’t feel the same need to be quiet or thoughtful as I did and just generally went about things a bit differently… But one person with autism is just one person with autism, right? Nonetheless I decided to ask someone about what they mean when they say, “you’re not like the other men.” “I dunno, you’re just different. You just move and speak and carry yourself differently. When women are around you, they seem to feel safer with you then the other men. You’re like a boy sometimes but you’re not immature. And sometimes you’re just… You. There’s no other way to describe it.” That was essentially what I was able to get out of them. I’m still perplexed by the movement and speech thing, but I realised I still hadn’t quite got enough of a reference to understand what they were saying. Eventually I met more nice men, bad men and those in-between and I realised even more how I’m just not like them. So, I started some soft research and a lot of internal searching. At first, I thought, “maybe I am a woman after all”. However, I found that those incidents of being believed to be one to be more distressing then I had hoped, so I stopped trying to see myself as one. Then I started being more strictly non-binary and… Ok not really. At the time I thought I’d be carrying the attitudes and beliefs instilled in me by my surrounding culture even if I transitioned. But now I realise I can’t quite fully separated my self from my assigned identity. I was confused on who exactly I was. A gender non-conforming man? A non-binary? Something in between? Maybe I really was a woman and I’m just had some unseen hidden internalised self-hate? What changed though was I saw a post on Tumblr about Therians / Otherkins.

The post went along the lines of “How cool is it that some people look inside themselves and see a black hole or wolf or something?” The way it was phrased just made somethings click in my head. I needed to look inside myself. And when I did, I didn’t quite see a man. I saw something resembling one, made from glass, housing diatomic white sand that hid a secret beauty until closely inspected. In an odd way, that was what I needed to really understand myself. I could call myself a man, as what was needed by society, the situation or just how I felt at the time. But I know that isn’t just what I am, both as a person, in society as well as in myself. And I’m not JUST gender-nonconforming, there’s more to it than that, something I still can’t quite explain. Some people look inside themselves and just see something else or a man, or a woman irrespective of their biology or assigned gender. I’m still not sure what exactly to call my degree of gender, all of this is still rather new to me and I don’t really have someone to hold my hand. Part of me feels like an uncertain fraud, because of my social isolation I never really had to deal with any dysphoria or confrontations about my presentation until recently. Some people go their whole lives struggling to define themselves, but I at least had a convenient excuse with autism. Even my birth name, although it's though it's masculine I've never met anyone else with the same name so it feels like it was almost made just for me. As an AMAB my identity may not be the most flashy or hyper-radical but they’re mine. I’m fully happy to call myself a man, non-binary and a non-binary man. My name is Hasselia, my pronouns are he/they and I'm a non binary man.

[darnedchild]

I’m dumping my emotional guts here, please ignore if you just follow me for funny memes and fandom shit

Some of you may have noticed that I’ve been mostly absent and disengaged for a bit.  Truth is, I’m emotionally drained and barely keeping my head up enough to care about anything going on outside of my home and immediate family.  And I have been for so long I’ve stopped counting.

Just for the highlights over the last few months -

My son has been having issues in one of his classes at school.  It was like pulling teeth to get his teachers to communicate with us about what they were seeing on their end; but eventually we had enough information to push to get the Demon Spawn evaluated and he was diagnosed with inattentive ADHD.  I’m not going to go into the details but I will say that the “F” this specific teacher had been threatening him with all semester was suddenly an “A” when we were able to put in an official request for a 504.  My husband, myself, my sister who teaches the same grade in a different district, and my therapist (all 100% biased, obviously) agree that it feels like we’ve been gaslit. 

His teachers noted in the evaluation forms that my son is demonstrably depressed, anxious, feels isolated, and thinks no one likes him at school.  That was the first time I’d heard ANY of that.  I knew my son was anxious and sensitive, but there is a HUGE step from what we see at home and what they wrote on his evaluation forms.  His teachers are our eyes and ears during the school day, they see my son when he’s not dealing with his emotionally damaged mother who is trying her best not to show her son how anxious and scared she is while he does the exact same because we both want the other to just be happy.  They recognized and identified all this devastating stuff about my child and didn’t tell us.  I have been informed that there are “reasons” the teachers might not have feel comfortable approaching us directly but I’m pretty sure this is exactly the kind of thing a school counselor is for.

I was a depressed, anxious, isolated child.  I very clearly remember what it was like.  And I damn sure do not want my kid to go through that.  If something tragic had happened and they knew he was on the edge of crisis and they didn’t tell us... I don’t even want to think about it.

One of my best friends died last year.  Her birthday was in February.  I did not handle the lead up to that well.  And in just a week or so it’s going to be the first anniversary of her passing.  I am definitely not dealing well with that.  I got a little note from the family, written by her mother, two weeks ago.  It’s been almost a year since she died and the family is still using the old address labels that include my friend’s name along side her husband’s (different last names), her mom crossed out her daughter’s name.  Maybe, maybe toss those labels out and get new ones so that people don’t break into tears the second they see their dead best friend’s name scratched out with a fucking black pen?

And the final highlight of this shit parade is that my 15 year old baby kitten Bellatrix was just diagnosed with stage IV kidney disease.  We took her to the vet because she’d lost some more weight (down to just over six pounds) and it was yearly shot time anyway, so why not draw some blood and see what’s going on?  She’s dying, that’s what’s going on.  Fun phone call - the vet, my husband, and me on speaker phone.  All three of us audibly sniffling away tears while we discussed palliative care options and best case scenarios and how much time do we have left with her?  The answer is not enough.  Never enough.  She turns 16 this year.  Would turn 16, but the vet insists we understand that the likelihood of her reaching her birthday is extremely low. 

I rescued her neurotic, balding butt when she was 11 months old.  My son has never known life without Bella.  She let him pull her hair with his chubby, sticky fingers and give her slobbery open-mouthed toddler kisses and use her has a pillow when he didn’t feel well, with only her usual “See what I put up with” side-eye in complaint.  If I’m sick, she’s at my side.  If I’m upset or anxious, she somehow knows.  She’s sleeps at the head of my bed (sometimes with her fur pressed against my face) and snores like a sputtering chainsaw. 

We haven’t told my son yet.  He had a big thing last weekend and we didn’t want him to forever associate that memory with finding out.  Our plan is to tell him this weekend so we can make sure he has a day or two to deal with his feelings before he has to go back to school.  I feel guilty about keeping it from him, though. 

And I’ve spent the last week wondering if this cuddle will be the last, so... yeah.

[who-is-sunny-d]

This will be my last post, I think. But I just needed to talk about the thing that’s been crushing my soul as of late, because I think I owe it to myself to be perfectly honest. You’ll understand why if you read further.

The thing that’s been the necrosis of my mental health over the last… year or more has been the end of a friendship, how it ended, and why I feel like it was so unfair. Because this was the only friend I had, and I’ve been so isolated and so lonely that it is killing me.

I really ought to have seen the warning signs, but you know how those red flags just look like ordinary flags when you’ve got those rose-colored glasses on. The ghosting people for stupid reasons… the taking all my gifts without so much as a thank-you card in return… and of course her patchy presence in my life, as well as all the promises she never kept, such as drawing a picture for a SICK KID who DIED before she even remembered the promise.

Like, how frigid do you have to be to break a promise to a pediatric cancer patient? That’s fucked.

Of course, she kept promising that she’d never throw me away like LITERALLY EVERYONE ELSE, thus reaffirming all those feelings of worthlessness & better-off-deadness… of not being enough, always ruining everything, and no one wants me around.

And what happened with that promise? Well, as is classic with covert narcissists, she found evidence in writing (so to speak) of how she wasn’t perfect and actually HURT someone, and she processed it as propaganda and hate-speech when all it was (just as this is) was a small vent-post about someone’s feelings.

That person was ya girl (me). There was nothing mean or malicious about what I even said, and furthermore, it wasn’t even said *to* her. It was a Tweet to the void just to clear my head on a dead (or so I thought) Twitter/X account, and it simply expressed a sadness regarding how she’d started blowing me off for some rando who bought his way into her heart. How I regretted that my dumb little care package full of handmade goodies (including a mix tape of hand-chosen songs, one of which introduced her to another band featuring one of her favorite musicians) couldn’t compete with that.

What twisted the knife was how he bought her everything she needed to become a tattoo artist, which hurt because we were learning tattooing together until she started blowing me off for him, and then she got not only a whole set-up, but an apprenticeship as well, so like… wow. Fuck me, specifically.

So I admit, I may have been a little bit salty, but Jesus, I didn’t call her any mean names or anything, and she didn’t even SEE the post until waaay after I’d gotten over it (and my feelings), and was just trying to live my life in peace.

And that’s when she decided it would be a good time to suddenly confront me about it and dredge up things I was trying to move past and forget, and then refuse to drop it even after I said I didn’t want to talk about it, that it was behind me and didn’t matter… that it was how I felt in the moment and that the moment had long passed. Etcetera.

But she just. Would. Not. Drop it.

And so I was beginning to feel cornered. My fight-or-flight switched on. It chose flight. So I said something stupid, hoping it would put a pin in things until I could process it. I told her that I felt I’d put a lot more effort into the friendship than I felt I’d gotten in return.

And it was the truth. I kept my promises, she was flakey. I was there whenever she needed me and would put everything on the back burner to do that, but she was usually busy when I needed her. I thought of her all the time and sent little pictures & things that reminded me of her. She could go months, sometimes YEARS without even speaking to me. I sent her actual, physical gifts for her birthday or when she was having a terrible time. She never sent me so much as a letter.

She just… was bad at being a friend, but… I never *really* minded. I only said that, hoping that she’d feel like she needed time to think and evaluate herself so that I could also process the fact that she felt like we needed to talk about it and figure out how, and then we’d make up and talk. After all, we’d never fought once in all of 13 years. How could I know that one super dumb fight would be worth ending the entire friendship we’d built over all those years?

It wasn’t. But being a covert narc, she didn’t see what I said as my feelings, much less actually care about them. She didn’t see the obvious opportunity for personal growth.

What she saw was libel, propaganda, hate-speech, and worst of all, someone who had revealed things about her that reflected who she really was, and for covert narcs, that is the biggest threat. They might talk. They might expose their true self to others, and then the carefully crafted persona falls apart.

So the only option they see (because they genuinely do not care about bettering themselves) is to completely cut that person off. Otherwise they remain a threat, and so to ensure that threat doesn’t infect their friend group, they tell everyone an enhanced version of *their* side of the story to turn any mutual friends against them, that way those friends will also cut off the threat, thus ensuring the protection of the CN’s persona. This has happened to me so many times.

And they don’t stop there. They lurk the threat’s social media to watch the aftermath and bask in the destruction of that person’s self-worth. To see them fall apart and then share *only* the posts that pertain to them, all the things said out of pain, SIMPLY to try to confirm to all the other friends what a “BAD person they are.”

Because god forbid anyone *else* have emotions.

But you know what? I am honest. I NEVER lied about myself or invented a fake version of myself. I only speak the truth, even if that truth was only true in the moment I spoke it. Feelings change. But that doesn’t change the trueness of that one moment when you were hurting and you spoke your mind.

And that’s just the trouble with me. I am honest and I speak my mind. I am always true to myself and don’t feel I should change who I am unless I see a flaw that needs worked out for personal growth, and sorry not sorry, but I don’t see honesty as a flaw. I’m from the south, where the only thing we sugar coat is our iced-tea.

But people are so afraid of the truth, narcs especially. This whole “fake it ‘til you make it” mindset just makes people afraid to be real, and that creates so many more problems than it solves.

I am proud of myself for never betraying who I am, even if people despise me for it. But… it is so very lonely. And now that loneliness has gotten the better of me because…

In spite of others’ obvious flaws and personality disorders… in spite of how they damaged me… I still love them tremendously and miss them terribly.

But they’re gone and they’re not coming back, and I can no longer open myself up and trust enough to form new friendships, because I know they will end the same way as all the others. It happens every time, and I can’t take another blow like the one Courtney dealt me. I can’t even stand the loneliness and isolation anymore. It’s just so much, and I… I’m just so tired of the litany of things lost.

Even if no one remembers me fondly, I hope they will remember me as someone real. Someone who was here and who wrote all of these words, and who wasn’t afraid of honesty like so, so many others. One of the few who wasn’t brainwashed by society into believing I had to stifle myself.

But also as someone who got exhausted of the burden of the loneliness endured because of it.

I’m Sunny D, and I was real. Remember this.

[twohundred40-blog]

So where am I at?

I moved to a new city. It’s amazing here and I LOVE IT. My estate is insane … it’s gated and safe, it looks like something out of a movie the layout and architecture is SO unique. I have a balcony that overlooks the trees. It’s so calm and quiet here. I’m in love. The city is much nicer than Coventry, so many nice shops, cafes, history, farms ahhh. I do miss aspects of Coventry though, I loved the culture and being able to pop in and see my sisters or pop to the pub on a random evening. I need to learn to drive because I’m quite isolated here, nothing is about. I have a few friends here and they’re amazing but I do wish I had more. My anxiety is still bad in that sense… but better than it used to be.

I have the most amazing group of friends from uni. A proper solid friend group, we don’t meet up much but when we do it’s when I’m at my absolute happiest. The good thing about being far away is we get to have whole weekends together, we visit each other or go somewhere on an adventure. All we do is laugh. And there’s limited drama but when this is drama… I live for it.

I finally got a “proper” job. I’m still pretty anxious because I’m new at it and I’m much less confident than the other new girl. But everybody is so lovely so I’m hoping I slowly fit in more and be more confident. I spent my last shift doing maths and I can’t even explain how much I enjoyed it. Yeh nerdy, but it was like all the aspects of maths I love and so rewarding when I had that light bulb moment. I have no idea what the future is for my career but at the moment I’m happy there, getting qualifications and working for a genuine company. It feels good. I don’t think I’ll be there forever but who knows what the future holds.

My sister is having a BABY. I cannot begin to explain how happy it makes my heart. It’s all very surreal, our family is finally growing. I hate that I’m so far away and I’ll miss a lot of it but I hope I can bond with the baby and when they’re a bit older they can come stay here and I’m going to be the cool aunt. I’m going to absolutely spoil it, and make sure it has an amazing music taste.

Do I want kids? No idea. I go between desperate to have a baby to I’m not ready to I don’t want kids. I’m not entirely sure to be honest but I think it’ll come natural if it’s meant to be. I can’t lie friends and family having babies is making me broody as hell.

Mentally I’m doing pretty well, I’m far from perfect, I still laze around a lot and have my depressive episodes, and nap a lot. In general though I’m much better than I used to be, fairly normal sleep schedule, better hygiene and self care. I’m eating better but definitely in need of improvement and it’s a struggle sometimes. I’m going to take it slow and continue my journey of growth. I came a long way but then just kind of stopped… I guess I’m scared if I disappoint myself I’ll tip over the edge again. I want to be the kind of person who gets up and has breakfast, exercises, reads, draws, tries new things, drinks lots of water, showers every day. Sounds quite simple but for me … it’s a struggle. I have to remind myself of how far I’ve came though and know I’m strong enough to keep going. I’ve also been cigarette free for 13 days. I won’t lie it’s a huge struggle, my cravings are through the roof. I’m determined to jeep it up though no matter how hard it is.

I finally feel like I fit in with my partners family. I mean they’ve always been amazing and I’ve always loved them but at the start I always felt a bit like I didn’t fit in. Well now they are absolutely family to me. I’m so comfortable with them and I look forward to seeing them SO much. I’m going to be a bridesmaid at my partners mums wedding and I cannot WAIT!

As for my relationship. Wow. I didn’t realise I could be in such a healthy relationship, in fact I didn’t even think they existed… I kind of thought people just settled. There’s so much love there, we support each other, we grow together. We laugh together all the time, there’s so much passion ( the sex is …. still absolutely off the charts and it’s been over 4 years). He still gives me butterflies constantly and he’s my best friend at the same time, like my absolute best friend. The way he looks at me as well… oh my god. It’s literally like I feel like I’m in an epic love song or something. And I love love love me time and I have down days, I want to be alone a lot of the time but with him it’s like… he’s actually my other half, I feel incomplete without him. He lets me have me time of course but… I like him being here more.

And the best part, we’re going to get MARRIED!! I always had mixed views on marriage and to be honest I still do. But after meeting this man, I knew I wanted to marry him. It doesn’t have to be the worlds idea of marriage it can be ours. Honestly I’d happily elope with him and get married just us two but really I can’t wait to have a big party with everyone we love. I want SO MANY FLOWERS and plants, I want homemade decorations and cake. I want so much of our personalities put into it. A celebration of us. Then life after marriage? I really truly believe our fairy tale will just keep on going. I couldn’t imagine life without this man. He’s my obsession and … I’m his. We have no idea where our life will go, where we’ll live, what jobs we’ll do, if we’ll have kids but we know one thing, we’re in it together.

Basically I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I still need some self growth, I still have no idea what I’m doing. But I love it. Oh man I still want my glow up as well. To be honest I’m pretty happy with my appearance, the main thing for me is freaking out that other girls look like models and I look like a 16 year old … and my appearance never changes. Joe reminds me constantly though he thinks I’m perfect and he treats me like a god damn princess all the time, even when I’m difficult. I’ll still get a better hair cut, tan and get better at make up. Oh and hopefully grow some tits and ass. But I don’t really care what other people think anymore because I’m happy with myself and I know Joe loves me no matter what.

I’m enjoying this chapter of life … I cannot wait to see what comes next.

[scrapheapchallenge]

happy International Wheelchair Day! Meet StarBug, my FreedomChair A08L, I've had it since 27th February 2018 and it changed my life for the better, my only regret is not getting one sooner. It took over a year of research to find the right one for me - the wrong wheelchair can make your symptomps/pain WORSE and can be actively harmful, so getting the right one for your unique needs is VITAL. Do NOT buy the first one you see - and don't take the advice of abled doctors etc in this decision either - talk to OTHER WHEELCHAIR USERS. Also, we're "wheelchair users", we're not "wheelchair bound" (we're not tied to them, or "confined to a wheelchair" like it's some horrible trap. Wheelchairs are FREEDOM. The right wheelchair will make your life better - mine reduces my pain, reduces my reliance on medications, reduces my time stuck inside the house (pandemonium notwithstanding), gives me freedom to socialise, do things for myself and join in with society, rather than being stuck at home. StarBug is only 26kg and folds to fit in almost any car, can be taken on planes, I can drive it straight onto trains and busses to get further afield independently without needing to ask to be driven places so often. (Again, current global situation excepted). I've included some drawings I've been working on which are a resource for artists to use when portraying wheelchairs and wheelchair users in their art. We need to get away from the HORRIBLE outdated hospital transfer chair designs that haven't changed since the 1960s/70s, and portraying them in art and the media is really really unhelpful to the disabled community. If you're going to share disability aids, do your research, talk to members of the disability community, and ASK US - then show proper, modern mobility devices which we actually USE. Wheelchairs are not shameful, they are amazing. We like to customise them, decorate them with bright colours, stickers, heck mine even has a heated seat, onboard USB port and colour changing LED lights under the frame so it's comfy, practical and fun.  I'm not ashamed of it, I'm PROUD of it, I love it to bits. The right wheelchair will make your life better, and you'll be sad when it comes time to upgrade. It's not just a piece of equipment, it's your partner, your helper, your buddy that takes you fun places and helps you be part of things. Touching someone's wheelchair is no different to touching them - first, we can feel it, second, it's RUDE - never ever touch, push etc someone's wheelchair without express permission. And ffs don't say "can I have a go?" or "have you got a license for that" because trust me, after the hundreth time, behind my tired smile I just want to kick you in the shins because it's not even remotely funny. Wheelchairs are not bad things, they're not negative, we don't want to leave them behind and "be free to walk again!" because they make our lives BETTER.  Medical professionals denying people wheelchairs instead condemn people to a lifetime of pain and isolation, instead of the freedom they could be enjoying that woudl improve not only their mental health but their physical health as well. Also, we don't just get wheelchairs for free. Sometimes, yes, you can get horrible, unsuitable, heavy and outdated wheelchairs on the NHS or through motability, which do not suit your needs, may be unusuable or cause you injury - because it's all about cost. The only way for many people to get good wheelchairs that actually fit their needs, yes, even in the UK, is by self funding/crowdfunding, and they're not cheap. A proper fitted manual active user chair can start at over £10,000! My own powerchair was actually relatively CHEAP at about £3,000. Getting a used one was not an option as first finding the exact make and model that I could physically use would be almost impossible, but also it'd already have wear on the components and a risk of breaking and leaving me stranded - I wouldn't be able to get insurance/warranty cover on a used one so easily or sometimes at all. I've fallen into that trap before with mobility scooters, and batteries would be goosed. So StarBug was partly crowdfunded, and partly from my own savings. And every day I'm still thankful to those of you who so kindly donated to help me to buy it - you have no idea how much you've made my life better, and continue to do so. Thank you.

[kohanayaki]

.:Time and Time Again:. (Marauders Era x Reader) Ch 6

You continue the tale of how you, James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter became known as The Marauders.

LINKS:   CH 1   CH 2    CH 3   CH 4   CH 5   CH 6   CH 7   CH 8

___________________________________________________________

Ch 6 .:The Making of the Marauders:.

~Previously~

“That was when they were first starting to put the map together,” you continued, “but that wasn't even the biggest secret they had. Of course, I wouldn't find out about that for another year. . .”

“So at this point I knew that they were hiding something else, but not what it was,” you told Harry, continuing on with your story, “But one night we had planned to meet up and use the invisibility cloak to map out the underground tunnels that ran through the storage cellars, and they never showed up. So I snuck into the Gryffindor common room through the secret passage and found their dorm completely empty. But what was there was our work in progress map. . .”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   1975  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“This isn't going to work,” Peter said flatly, watching James and Sirius draw a large circle in chalk on the floor of the Shrieking Shack.

“Not with that attitude it's not,” James said, “if there's a way we can speed up this process I'm willing to give it a go. I don't know how long I can go on with this bloody leaf in my mouth.”

“Is this even real?” Peter sighed, “it looks like what muggles think magic is.”

“It's real all right,” Sirius said, “old, but real. I mean, Transfiguration was founded on the principles of magic circles! I'm not really sure what these runes on the side mean, but it's probably not important.”

“I seriously doubt that,” Peter retorted, “Remus, back me up here.”

He turned towards Lupin, but he had long since dozed off, arms crossed as he leaned against one of the nearly decaying walls in the corner. Peter sighed, taking a piece of paper from the ground and crumpling it into a ball before promptly throwing it in the sleeping boy's face. Lupin jolted awake, realizing what had happened and chucking the paper back at Peter in annoyance.

“Not a moment of peace,” he huffed under his breath.

“Sounds awfully boring,” James said over his shoulder.

“Blimey, what time is it?” Remus said, panicked as he noticed the light had completely gone from the sky, “It's long past sundown.”

“So?” Sirius shrugged.

“So, we told (Y/n) we'd meet them to work on the map at dusk,” Remus said, “They're probably looking for us right now!”

“Oh, they are,” you announced your presence, an unimpressed look on your face as they jumped, whipping around to look at you.

“(Y-Y/n)!” Sirius stuttered, “how did you—”

You held up the map, raising a brow at the four guilty looking boys.

“Right. . .”

“You snuck into our rooms?!” James said incredulously as he saw the map, which he was sure he had left on his bedside table, in your hands.

“You've snuck into my shower before, Potter,” you glared lightly at him.

“Point taken.”

“Okay, look, I'm sorry we didn't show tonight, and I know we've been acting weird,” Sirius sighed, “the truth is—”

“Lupin's a werewolf.” 

The color drained from Remus' face, slightly mortified that you already knew.

“Come on, guys,” you said, “the claw marks and you lot disappearing whenever there's a full moon kind of gave it away. You aren't exactly subtle about it.”

You could sense the intense nervousness in the room, especially from Remus. Ok, so maybe coming right out with it wasn't the best course of action.

“Look,” you said, “if you're worried about anyone else finding out, they won't. I mean, the only reason I even knew you were here is because I'm literally helping you make a magical map that details all the secret passages and shows where everyone is. I won't tell anyone, I swear.”

They still seemed a little unsure, and you bit the inside of your lip slightly.

“If it'll make us even, I'll let you know a secret of my own,” you said, “it can even be future blackmail me if you really don't trust me.”

“No, it's not that, (Y/n),” Remus said as he stepped forward, his throat feeling dry, “it's just, well, I've never really told anyone except the people in this room. Having someone else know. . . it's just a lot to process, but if had to be anyone I'm glad it's you.” He paused for a moment, feeling oddly self-conscious as he regarded you. “When I turn into a werewolf I can't recognize any human as someone I know. I have no control over myself in that state. In the worst case scenario, I could injure or even kill someone I didn't mean to. We originally started taking note of the secret passages and rooms to find a place where I could turn safely and not hurt anyone, and we settled on here. I don't remember much when I come out of it, but. . . I do feel this painful sense of separation each time. Werewolves are pack creatures by nature, so being isolated in that state is. . . agony, if I must be honest. They all figured, I can't recognize humans, but perhaps I could recognize other animals, so. . .”

“They're trying to become animagi,” you finished, “so you won't have to be alone. That's. . . that's actually really sweet,” you said, a breathy laugh escaping you.

Remus thanked Merlin the Shrieking Shack was as dimly lit as it was so his beet red face was at least somewhat less noticeable.

“I agree,” Remus said, turning to his friends and sharing a rare, genuine moment with them. “And, you don't have to tell us your secret,” he said, turning back to you, “it's okay.”

“Hey, I wanted to know,” Sirius said, Peter swiftly elbowing him in the ribs.

“I was actually planning on telling you anyways,” you said, “If you guys are trying to become animagi, I can help you.”

You took a few steps back, bracing yourself against the wall.

“Promise me you won't freak out.”

After receiving a few quick nods, you kicked off the wall. Your body seemed to morph in mid-air, shrinking and re-configuring so fast that by the time you landed on the floor you had been entirely replaced by a large, (e/c)-eyed wolf with fur reminiscent of your hair.

Peter yelped, instinctively putting Sirius in front of him who was gawking at the sight. Remus was in complete shock and you could have sworn you saw James' glasses slip down his face.

In your animal form your heightened senses could sense their fear, and you tried your best to assuage it. You padded around in a circle, sitting down and blinking up at them to try and show them you were in control of your actions. After you figured they'd seen enough, you crawled back into your robes, which had pooled on the floor when you'd transfigured, and willed your body to turn back.

James, Sirius, and Peter looked somewhere in the intersection of shocked and terrified, but Remus looked nothing less than impressed.

“That's amazing, (Y/n),” he said breathlessly, “your transformation was seamless, how long have you had this ability?”

“My aunt had me go through the process when I was nine,” you said, a bitter edge to your voice as you fastened your clothes back around you, “it's not fun, but obviously useful. And thank you, but trust me, it didn't come at all naturally to me. I spent a good part of my winter break stuck with a wolf's hind legs, which is just as inconvenient as it sounds.”

“But this proves that it's possible!” James said, a new rush of energy invigorating him, “we can actually pull this off.”

“If I can manage to keep this sodding leaf from choking me every ten minutes,” Peter grumbled.

“Here, this should help with that,” you said, drawing your wand and pointing it at Peter's mouth. With a simple sticking charm, he suddenly felt the odd sensation of the leaf in his mouth disappearing, only to find it had melded with the flesh on the underside of his tongue.

“It's a long process, but yes, it's possible,” you said to James. Your eyes drifted to the floor where the magic circle and pages of runes were still scattered about, “if you were thinking of taking shortcuts, you might have wanted to read the warning about this spell requiring a blood sacrifice.”

The quartet paled and you laughed at their dumbstruck expressions.

“Kidding,” you grinned, “but seriously, there's no shortcuts. Now look alive, boys. We have a lot of work to do.”

_________________________________________________________

From then on, you helped the four wizards along on their quest to become fully fledged shifters.

“In order to become an animagus, a wizard must keep a Mandrake leaf in their mouth for an entire month, even when eating and sleeping,” Peter read aloud from the book they'd snatched from the restricted section, “Next, under a full moon, the wizard must place the leaf in a vial full of dew that has neither been stepped on nor exposed to the sun. The resulting potion must be stored in a dark place, and the following incantation: Amato Animo Animato Animagus, must be recited every morning until an electrical storm arrives, at which point the potion can be taken.”

“Blimey, all that to turn into a bloody cat?” Sirius said, exasperated.

“Well we have the first part almost done,” James said, feeling the faintest outline of the leaf still under his tongue, “Next full moon we'll have to go dew-hunting, I suppose. Looks like you'll have to stick it out for a few more cycles, Moony,” he said to Remus.

“That's alright,” he said, “I've made it this far.”

“He won't be alone for those,” you said, “I'll spend the full moons with him until you guys are ready.”

“What?” James said, looking at you like you'd just told him you were off to join Voldemort, “not a chance, that's way too dangerous.”

“Aw, don't act like you're all concerned about me all of a sudden, Potter,” you smirked. When his expression didn't change it took you aback slightly. He was actually worried about you. “Look, I'm probably the best suited for it anyways,” you said, coughing a bit to coast through the awkward tension, “Remus and I are both wolves, or at least partly. If one of you end up turning into a sheep or something you might be dead meat, not to freak you out or anything.”

“That's reassuring,” Sirius said under his breath.

____________________________________________________________

“You really don't have to do this,” Lupin insisted as you sat on the floor together in the Shrieking Shack later that month.

“I want to,” you assured him, “take it as a thanks for helping me pass Arithmancy. Besides, it's a perfectly fine excuse for me to practice interacting with other animals in my animagus form.”

The boy beside you was quiet for a moment, shoulders tense and jaw set tight. It wasn't that he wasn't happy you were here, he was more grateful than you could know, but he was terrified that he was going to end up hurting you. On top of that was the fact that he didn't want you to see him as he transformed. It wasn't pretty, and it was visibly painful. He didn't want you to think any lower of him, though he knew that fear was irrational.

The calming jazz record that spun on the other side of the room was the only noise between you two for quite some time, but you understood that he needed time to gather his thoughts. This was something so deeply personal you were surprised and a bit honored he allowed you to be here at all. You noticed the photograph that he held in his hands; it was of Hogwarts, taken from the very edge of the forest. The sun was peeking over the horizon, spilling out between the complexly constructed towers that made up the castle's exterior, and casting a warm, golden hue over the landscape.

“It's beautiful,” you said, “the picture.”

“It is,” Remus smiled to himself and nodded, “James gave it to me, as a reminder. He said that matter what happens during the full moon, the sun will always rise on us again.”

“Huh,” you mused softly, “perhaps he isn't such an insufferable jerk after all.”

“Oh, no, he is,” Lupin chuckled, “but he is also a very good friend, and endlessly thoughtful even if he denies it.”

You let that sink in for a moment. You supposed he was.

“Well,” you said, laughing a bit as you shifted in your seat, “this isn't as deep and meaningful as the photo, but I brought something for you.” You reached into your bag, retrieving something that made Remus' eyes widen.

“Where did you get that?” he said, elated as you held out his favorite chocolate bar which had been out of stock at Hogsmeade for weeks now.

“You guys have a secret tunnel that goes right to the Honeydukes cellar and you've never taken advantage of their storage?” you grinned.

Lupin hesitated as he held the bar in his hands.

“So you stole it?”

“I left five dracma in the tip jar,” you rolled your eyes, “I'm not a death eater.”

His smiled returned at that, and he ripped open the familiar foil gratefully.

“Thank you,” he said quietly.

“It's the least I could do,” you said.

“It's really not,” he said, turning to face you fully. You were left a bit breathless as the unexpected intensity of his eyes. “None of this is the least you could do, because the least you could do is nothing,” he continued, rambling, “we were so horrible to someone you consider a dear friend, and you were willing to look past that. You're risking your life by even being with me right now, (Y/n).”

“You don't—”

“I do know that,” Remus said sharply, “I've never been in contact with anyone as a werewolf. The one time I was, I. . .” he trailed off, and it hurt you to see his pained expression, “I just don't know how I'll react.”

“You're saying that as if something bad's already happened,” you said gently, “it'll be okay.”

“How can you be so sure?” he asked quietly, equally full of frustration and admiration.

“I'm willing to put my trust in you, Remus. I think it's time you put some trust in yourself.”

Lupin's heart pounded a little harder in his chest. Had you ever called him by his first name before? You looked at him so reassuringly, so confidently. He couldn't understand it, but your words reached him to his core.

“(Y/n). . .” he trailed off, blinking rapidly. A shaky breath escaped him, and your stomach dropped.

“Remus?”

Suddenly you saw something shift in him. His breathing became heavy and his pupils dilated, completely filling his irises in a matter of seconds. He braced himself against the wall as he stumbled to his feet, his skin slowly taking on a gray hue.

“It's happening,” he said, voice deeper and strained, his neck convulsing, “you have to transform, now!”

You didn't waste any time, taking the shape of your wolf form and padding away a cautionary distance. Your stomach churned as you watched Remus yell out, his expression full of pain as his body grew in size, his cries slowly becoming reminiscent of howls. His face contorted in agony as his head morphed into a more animalistic shape, ears growing from his scalp and fur appearing as if his werewolf was fully formed inside him, physically escaping through his skin. You've seen werewolves before, but seeing someone you know actually turn into one, it was completely different. Nothing could have prepared you for this. Seeing anyone in this much pain made your chest tighten harshly.

At last it seemed the transformation was complete. Remus Lupin was gone, and in front of you stood a creature of at least eight feet, perched on his hind legs and towering over you especially in your animal form. You could hear how ragged his breathing had become, his body convulsing with the motion; growing and retracting like a beating heart. You heard a whimper escape his throat, and you could tell he was still recovering from the pain.

You steeled yourself, making the decision to alert him to your presence subtly. You tilted your head upwards, releasing a similar sounding whimper to his. Immediately the werewolf across from you was on high alert, his head snapping towards you and his lips pulling back into a snarl as his ears lowered. You took an instinctive step back, lowering your head slowly. He seemed puzzled by your behavior, which made sense seeing as Lupin told you he never interacted with any other animals during the full moon. His head tilted inquisitively and he took a heavy step forward. You forced yourself to not back away, testing the waters. His eyes narrowed again as he saw you standing your ground, but you quickly sat down, your head tilting to expose your neck slightly. You made doubly sure not to show any signs of aggression; you knew you had no chance against a werewolf at full strength.

However, he seemed to take your queues well. His tail seemed to relax a bit, his eyes returning to their full, round shape as he looked at you with curiosity. You sniffed up at him and he hesitated, but eventually circled around you and did the same. You could almost see the turmoil in him, as a werewolf you doubted anyone he came across treated him with anything less than terror in their eyes, but you were completely relaxed.

He whimpered again, and you were shocked at the sign of submission. You rose to your feet, and he didn't back away. You let out a friendly yip, which he returned, and you felt the weight lift off your chest. You leaped to the side, and he followed you, running alongside you as you bounded across the room, practically leaping off the walls. You jumped at each other playfully, rolling across the floor in a mess of fur. You smiled inwardly as this continued throughout the night, no longer seeing fear or pain or aggression in his eyes when you looked into them. Even if he wouldn't remember most of this, you hoped he would at least feel better in the morning than all the times he had to go through it alone.

Exhausted from all the playing around, you padded softly back to your robes, crawling inside yours and and gesturing over to him with your head. He followed you, coming down to all fours before laying beside you. You weren't sure when sleep came over you, but it was like the world's most comfortable blanket had been thrown over your shoulders, and your eyes drifted closed of their own volition. . .

“Merlin's beard, just what were you two doing last night?!”

You and Remus both jolted awake at the sound of James Potter's aggravatingly loud voice but quickly came to your senses. Remus' arms were wrapped around you, your back facing him. You were just barely covered by your robes with nothing underneath as a result of your transformation. As you scrambled to get decent your face heated even more as you saw Remus was currently without a shirt, his pants ripped considerably. You scrambled away from each other, trying to make yourselves decent.

Peter was howling with laughter, James looking smug as ever. Sirius was oddly quiet, but you were too wrapped up in the embarrassment to notice his behavior.

“What was that about being 'endlessly thoughtful'?” you grumbled to Remus.

“Right, I completely take back what I said,” he scoffed, “ 'insufferable jerk' is much more accurate.”

“Close your eyes, you perverted git!” you yelled at James, who was blatantly staring at you, “toss me my clothes at least, would you?”

James bit back a smirk as he grabbed your bag that was sitting in the corner of the room— clothes you had brought with the intention of changing into after returning to your human form when Lupin fell asleep. He tossed it over to you and you began to change under your robes. As his back was turned to you his mind began to wander. You'd always been attractive, sure, but since you'd always been his rival he hadn't really given you a second thought, especially when he'd been trying to get Lily's attention for ages. But just now, thinking about how downright adorable you looked when you'd yelled at him, something in him shifted. He shook it off quickly, turning to Lupin with a grin he'd managed to put on concernedly fast.

“You cheeky bastard,” he said to Remus, who was furiously changing into a new shirt, “you just wanted her alone, didn't you? Do you really need us to become animagi after all?”

“You're the worst, Potter,” the werewolf glared at him.

“Don't listen to him, Remus,” you grumbled, straightening out your tie as you slipped it on over your shirt, “he's an even bigger idiot than he looks.”

“Are you implying I look stupid?”

“Implying may not be a strong enough word.”

__________________________________________________________

It had taken months of brewing the potion and getting all the necessary preparations in order, but they were finally ready. Remus sat with you in the grass, wand at the ready to undo any untoward transfiguration that happened on accident. Peter, Sirius, and James stood across from you, standing at the edge of a stone ledge about five feet off the ground. You'd said that a leap of faith is what would best trigger their first transformation. They looked nervous, but they were prepared as they'd ever be. Over the last year you had grown considerably closer to the four boys you had miraculously come to know as friends.

“Remember, focus on your emotions,” you said, “you need to pick a strong one, let it fill your body and flow through you. If you block the magic off from any part of your body, it's not going to be pretty.”

“Right, but how do I—”

“James, I swear, I'm really rooting for you to be a mute animal.”

“But how do you choose-”

“Just do it already!”

“Oh, sod it,” James squeezed his eyes shut, not giving himself time to second guess before jumping off the ledge. For a moment he was certain he was about to land face first in the dirt, but then it happened— a moment where time seemed to freeze and his body felt completely weightless. He felt this sensation where his arms and legs vibrated with an intense, foreign energy. Images flashed through his mind in that brief moment in the air; Sirius manically laughing as they ran away from Filch, Remus snapping off a piece of chocolate to offer him after he'd lost Gryffindor a Quidditch match, and, unexpectedly, you. A feeling of warmth spread through his chest, and he grasped onto it, letting it flow through his body like you said. In an instant he felt torso shift, his shoulders narrow, his neck elongate; and when he landed on the ground he still landed face-first as he predicted, but in a completely different form.

He could see you and Lupin in front of him, mouths agape. He was about to say something when he found his vocal chords only allowed him a gruff whine. Shocked, he lifted his head, which felt much heavier than he'd last recalled, and as he looked down at himself he was taken aback to be met with a pair of hooves right beneath him. He staggered to his feet on wobbly legs, of which he now had four. As he tilted his head he could see the shadow of a pair of antlers twisting into brilliant shadows on the grass.

“Potter, you did it!” you exclaimed, “you actually did it!”

“Well how about that,” Remus chuckled, “a stag.”

“It fits him, I think,” you grinned, looking over at Sirius and Peter who looked determined and terrified respectively. “Well go on, it's your turn now!”

Sirius braced himself for the jump, but somehow he found no fear in his system. After seeing James shift in the air right before his eyes, he knew he could do it. He looked over at Peter who was nearly shaking.

“Come on, Peter,” he said, “we'll go together.”

“I-I don't know about this, Sirius,” Peter said, “I'm not ready, I don't think I can do this.”

“It's just a little jump,” Sirius said encouragingly, “you can do this.”

After a few nerve wracking deep breaths Peter gave him the smallest nod one could manage.

“We'll go on three,” Sirius said, “Ready? One—”

“AaHH!”

Sirius shoved Peter off the ledge, knowing he wouldn't jump on his own, before taking the plunge himself. Peter's screams became higher and higher pitched as he shrank at an alarming speed, almost an undetectable size by the time he hit the grass. A small brown rat scurried across the field towards you and Lupin.

The stag in front of you made a sound, dragging his hooves across the grass in what you could imagine as James' unadulterated laughter at his friend.

Sirius began to morph almost as soon as he left the ground, something you were surprised by. He landed on his hind legs, landing gracefully as his front two followed, and a shaggy black dog looked back at you with mischief in its eyes.

You couldn't help but go over and pet him. You laughed as he nudged you with his nose, a resistance that was quickly halted as soon as you started scratching him behind the ears.

“I have to say, I didn't think you would actually manage that on your first try,” you said, secretly prouder than they could have known, “but if anyone could have done it, it's you three stubborn goons.”

James huffed as he saw you continue to pet Sirius, using his antlers to prod the dog out of the way. Sirius barked, lunging at him playfully. It was quite a scene to see the two interact.

“Honestly, this is a pretty solid group,” you said, “you've got James who blends perfectly with the surrounding wildlife so he wouldn't be suspicions, Sirius who could probably do a fair bit of damage as a dog if he needed, and Peter who can fit through small spaces and snoop around the castle virtually undetected.”

“Quite an odd pack,” Remus chuckled.

“Definitely,” you agreed, “but a pack nonetheless.”

And that very week, Remus Lupin was able to spend his first night as a werewolf with his four friends by his side.

__________________________________________________________

“So, how did we choose which animals we turn into?” James had asked you the next day at breakfast, “I specifically tried for a dragon.”

“You don't get to choose,” you rolled your eyes, “You're a stag, that's the end of it. It's pretty much up to chance.”

“I'm sorry, you're telling me I could have turned into a fish and died right there on the ground?!”

“If only,” you sighed dreamily, earning you a playful shove from James. “Alright, it's not completely random, but you're definitely in the unknown the first time you turn,” you went on to explain, “and once you turn for the first time, that's it. That's your animal. A wizard takes on the animagus form of whatever animal most closely resembles their personality. So, a horny bastard for James, a loyal little puppy for Sirius—”

“A bitch for you,” Sirius quipped.

“Never heard that one before,” you scoffed, purposefully messing up his hair.

“Hey, watch it!” he shoved you off him, twisting each of his curls back into form.

“Well, look who's a high maintenance pup,” you chuckled.

Around the same time that year, you finally completed the map. It came together beautifully, each different way of folding the paper revealing a different level of the castle for easy navigation. You'd included the surrounding forests as well as the parts of Hogsmeade that applied for the secret passageways, all of which were marked with symbols and the unique names you'd all come up with. Every student and staff member at Hogwarts had a tiny scroll with their name that appeared in their location. Remus had added the nice detail of including footprints at the last second, so you could see which way they were facing and walking as well. It was fireproof, rip proof, and prone to insulting anyone else who tried to read it. It was the pinnacle of your magical (and slightly illegal) achievement.

“We should write our names on it,” James said, looking down proudly at the finished map, “it belongs to us, after all. We don't want anyone else taking the credit.”

“Yeah, fantastic way to get caught,” Sirius rolled his eyes, “what if Filch comes across it? That's like leaving your signature at a murder scene.”

“You should use code names, then,” you suggested, “I know you guys call Remus 'Moony' as a joke, but I kind of like it.”

The scarred boy blushed lightly at the compliment, a brow raised to his other three friends.

“Alright then, I guess you should all say hi to Rudolph over here,” Sirius said, jutting his thumb in James' direction. The bespectacled boy narrowed his eyes before shooting back.

“Right! And this is my good friend, Snuffles.”

Sirius lunged at him and James swatted him away in laughter.

“Come on, you two,” Remus said, “or we won't put anything down for you at all.”

“I've got an idea for Peter,” you piped in, “When my mom used to garden she said she didn't mind having rats there because their tails resembled worms, which were an old a sign of healthy soil, I know it's odd, but I think Wormtail sounds pretty cool.”

Peter seemed to perk up at your acknowledgment and nodded. It suited him somehow.

“Should we pick animal features too, then?” James mused, “I guess Antlers doesn't really sound that cool. What's another word? Horns? Give me some analogies, guys. What else do they look like?”

“Yours honestly kind of look like a couple of bent forks,” you snickered.

“Prongs?” Sirius snorted, the laughter that followed nearly splitting his sides.

“Oh, go on, what have you got then?” James scoffed.

“I was thinking Padfoot,” Sirius said, “like a dog's paw prints.”

“You know, for someone who was just making fun of code names a second ago you sure have given a lot of thought to yours,” you teased.

“Shove it,” he smirked, “What about you? Can't very well have a second Moony.”

You stared at him in momentary disbelief.

“Me?”

“Well, yeah,” Sirius chuckled.

“We couldn't have done any of this without you,” Remus reminded you with a smile.

“I think you've more than earned an honorary title as one of us,” James said.

“That is, if you want to,” Peter said timidly.

You looked at the four of them, genuinely touched.

“I. . . I don't know what to say,” you smiled.

“You could say 'yes',” James piped up.

“Alright, you loons,” you laughed, “if you leave Severus alone for good, then yes.”

“Hey, I think we've been pretty good about that lately,” James pouted.

“Yes you have,” you admitted, “It's the only reason I bothered to give you the time of day, but this time it's a promise.”

James rolled his eyes, but the smile on his face was undeniable. He'd never admit it out loud, but being friends with you was more fun than messing with Snape ever was.

“Alright, fine. (Y/n) (L/n), I solemnly swear that I will leave tormenting our dear old friend Snivelus behind us forever,” he said dramatically, putting a hand up at his pledge.

“Oh, bother,” you laughed, “the only thing you'll 'solemnly swear' to is that you're up to no good.”

“I'll take that as a compliment.”

“Then that's settled,” Remus smiled, “you'll need a code name too.”

“Let's see,” Sirius hummed in thought, “What other defining features do wolves have besides. . . well, their. . . fangs?”

“They're canines, you numbnut,” you huffed.

“Close enough, I'm writing Fangs.”

“Oi, I didn't agree to that!”

“Too bad, I'm already writing it~”

“Okay, well if that's the stupid name I'm getting saddled with them I'm going to write it myself,” you said stubbornly. You actually didn't mind the name at all.

“Well that's it, then,” James said, “Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, Prongs, and Fangs. We could join the bloody circus.”

“All we need is a group name,” you said, half joking.

“We've already got one,” James said proudly.

“Oh? Let's hear it, then.”

“The Marauders.”

“. . .”

You kept your face straight for exactly three seconds before you burst out laughing. The four boys flushed with embarrassment.

“The Marauders?” you chortled, “what are you, pirates?”

“It's what McGonnagall called us the first time we got ourselves into proper trouble,” James defended himself, his cheeks reddening, “You rowdy mob of marauders, she'd said.”

“Huh,” you chuckled, coming down from your laughing fit, “Well, then I suppose that would make this The Marauders Map. I'll admit, it actually kinda has a ring to it.”

And despite your group's joking quips and bickering, they couldn't agree more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Wait,” Harry said, eyes wide at your story, “So, my dad was an animagus too?”

“Sure was,” you smiled warmly.

“This whole time I thought 'Prongs' was just because his patronus was a stag.”

“Your animagus form is usually the same animal as your patronus,” you explained, “In some very rare cases they can be different, but they work in the same emotionally driven vein of magical ability, so it would make sense that they'd be linked. Your father was extraordinary at both, because as much as he would deny it, he felt everything very deeply.”

Your eyes drifted to the wall opposite you in the living room, and a small but sad smile graced your features.

“Love is often the most powerful emotion a witch or wizard can draw from,” you said softly, “but you already know that.”

Harry followed your gaze over his shoulder. There, posted on the wall among a collage of photographs from the Order was a picture of his mother and father. It was one he'd seen a hundred times, and one he had his own copy of: them in each others' arms in a London park, autumn leaves swirling around them as they danced without any music. Even from this distance he could see the emotion in their eyes as they looked at one another— like they were the only two people in the world.

“Yeah,” Harry said, wiping a stray tear from his eyes, “I do.”

Read chapter 7 here!

Taglist:  @sleep-i-ness, @blackpinkdolan, @parker-natasha, @ornella0910 @undertaker1827 @thatwierdo-koemi @nxstalgicnxbxdy @calaryssia @aleksanderwh0r3 @juggysgirlfriend @beautifulsweetschaos @kattirin @mialupin1

[thisissirius]

must i imagine you there [ao3 link] eddie/buck, eddie week day three: competence + “we’re getting out of this.” bombs. hurt/comfort. fear of death. drama :))))

“Buck,” Eddie says, “stop moving.”

It’s a testament to how well they work together that Buck immediately stops. “What?”

Eddie slowly sinks to his knees, studying the device they’ve inadvertently disturbed. “Shit.”

“Eddie.” Buck’s still not moved, and Eddie relaxes a fraction. “What’s going on?”

“It’s a bomb,” Eddie says, because Buck deserves the truth. “Motion sensors. That red light on your chest?”

“The trigger,” Buck says. It’s the lack of inflection that hits Eddie. “You should go.”

Eddie ignores him, reaches for his radio. “Cap, you there?”

There’s a crackle from the other end. “Diaz? You okay?”

Buck shakes his head. Again, Eddie ignores him. “We’re in the basement. Cap, there’s a bomb.”

“You need to move!”

“Uh, not happening, Cap. It’s motion activated and it’s trigger point is right on Buck.”

______

The bomb itself is rudimentary and obviously self-made. Eddie spends the whole time voices crash over the radio in a cacophony of noise analysing it. Buck’s staying still as he can, breathing heavy, and it’s all Eddie can do to focus on the task at hand. 

When he spots the timer, his heart sinks. 

“Cap,” Eddie says. Then, louder, “Captain Nash!”

The voices stop. 

“There’s a timer.” Eddie meets Buck’s eyes. They’re round, scared, and it breaks Eddie’s heart.

Bobby’s voice is shaky when he comes back on the line. “How long, Eddie?”

Eddie closes his eyes. “Not long enough for the bomb squad.”

______

“You have to go.”

“Shut up, Buck,” Eddie says. The radio is next to his knee and he can hear Bobby, Hen, and Chim on the other end arguing with someone else. Eddie knows they won’t get help here in time. 

Buck makes a noise and Eddie looks up. Anger wars with terror on Buck’s face. “You have to go.”

Eddie shakes his head. “No. I’m not leaving. I can defuse this.”

Buck looks more terrified than Eddie's ever seen him. "You were a medic!"

"We were walking into IED fields all the time," Eddie explains as he bends down, studying the homemade device. "You think I didn't learn how to defuse a bomb on the off chance I might have to?"

"Eddie," Buck says, and he sounds wrecked.

"Hey," Eddie says, looking up at him. He lets his confidence shine through; he might not have faced this particular bomb before, but he needs to do this or Buck's dead, they're both dead, and they have a kid to get home to. "I'm not gonna let you die, you hear me?"

Buck doesn't say anything.

Eddie stands smoothly, hands up in front of him. Less to protect himself and more so that he shows Buck he's taking this seriously. "I'm getting you out of this, Buck. I promise.”

“It’s not that.” Buck’s eyes drop to the bomb, then back up. He swallows, shakes his head. “You can’t do that in time.”

“I can,” Eddie says. There’s no other option; Eddie isn’t leaving Buck here to die.

Buck sounds angry when he says, “You can’t stay and watch me die!”

I can, is on the tip of Eddie’s tongue, but he doesn’t say. He peels off his gloves and lets out a shaky breath. “Cap?”

“Eddie,” Bobby sounds strong but concerned. “You can’t do this.”

“I have to,” Eddie says, watching the time tick further away from them. “Buck doesn’t have that long.”

Bobby doesn’t want him to do this; the brass probably don’t want him to do this, and the bomb squad definitely won’t, but Eddie’s not about to let his best friend die because of red tape. “Eddie, if this goes wrong—”

Buck dies. 

The words ring out and Eddie refuses to acknowledge them. 

“It won’t.” Looking up at Buck, he begs him to understand. “We’re getting out of this.”

“Chris,” Buck says, a pleading note to his voice. 

Eddie nods. “You think I wanna go home, look him in the eye and tell him I left you alone?”

Buck’s eyes widen, his lips parting and he closes his eyes. “I’m scared.”

“I know,” Eddie says quietly. He shifts closer to the bomb, tries to get a grip on his emotions when his hands shake. He can’t afford anything to go wrong. 

“Eddie.” Buck’s voice is quiet. “If you stay—”

Eddie shrugs, peeling back the debris from around the device. It’s not unlike some of the shoddily made IEDs when he was in Afghanistan. At least the ones he remembers taking apart and putting back together a hundred times until he understood them. Blowing out a slow breath, he ignores the timer, the red light hovering over Buck, and concentrates on the device itself. 

“Tell me about Mango,” he says, when the silence draws on too much. 

Buck huffs a sigh. “You’re trying to distract me.”

“I’m trying to distract us both,” Eddie admits. “I need you to talk, Buck.”

Silence. Then, quietly, “You’ll watch me die.”

It’s not what Eddie wants to talk about and he feels chilled. Swallowing down the urge to snap back, he’s suddenly glad for the kit they brought with them. “Shit.”

“Eddie,” Buck says again, louder. “Please—”

“Buck,” Eddie snaps. “Neither of us is dying, but if I can’t get this bomb to stop, I’m not leaving you to die alone!”

________________

Eddie sheds his jacket. 

It’s hot; sweat running down his forehead and he can only imagine how Buck’s doing. 

The bomb is complex, but Eddie can do this. The timer won’t let him rest for a second more than he needs to. Buck’s breathing heavy. Bobby and the others have stopped talking. 

Silence descends and Eddie takes a deep breath. 

“I’m having a niece,” Buck says, breaking the silence. 

Eddie sends him a silent thanks, and exposes the wires. “Yeah?”

“Maddie told me last night,” Buck explains. His arms are straining from holding still so long and Eddie wishes he could go faster, but he can’t get this wrong. “I was gonna tell you later.”

“They have a name yet?”

Buck shakes his head carefully. “No. I keep trying to convince them Eva is a great name.”

Eddie laughs, sticks the clippers between his teeth and gets his fingers between the wires. The light is dangerously close to his left hand and he takes a few deep breaths. “Why not Edie?”

There’s a laugh there, Eddie knows, but Buck keeps still. “Fuck you. Not while I’m near death.”

“Sorry,” Eddie says. He cuts one of the wires, biting at his bottom lip. 

It takes Buck a little longer to speak; Eddie cuts another wire, thinks he’s narrowed down the one for the timer. He doesn’t wanna cut that one. “I love you.”

Eddie pauses. “Don’t.”

“Please,” Buck says quietly. “I need to—”

“You think I don’t know?” Eddie glances at the timer, then looks up at Buck. 

Buck swallows. “Eddie.”

Eddie shakes his head, focuses back on the task at hand and cuts another wire. “Don’t say goodbye,” he says, through gritted teeth. “Please.”

“I love Chris,” Buck says, plowing on as if he can’t hear Eddie loud and clear. Eddie ignores him, tries to pick up a bit of speed because he can’t do this, he can’t. “He’ll be a good cousin.”

Oh.

Fuck no. “Buck.”

“You’ll be a great uncle,” Buck says, his voice wobbling. “Mango’s lucky.” Then, quietly, “I’ve been lucky.”

“Please,” Eddie whispers again, fingers trembling as he narrows down the last couple of wires. The timer’s picked up speed and he can feel worry clawing at his chest. “Buck—”

Buck sobs and Eddie’s heart shatters. “I’m lucky you came to LA. That you listened to Bobby. That you—that you were mine, even for a little—”

“No,” Eddie snaps, isolating the last wire. “You’re not dying and you don’t get to—”

0:10. 

“Eddie—”

0:07. 

“No, stop—”

0:05.

“Eddie!”

__________

“You can let go,” Bobby says. 

Eddie blinks, stares down at the device, then up at Bobby. “Bobby?”

Concerned, Bobby slides a hand down Eddie’s arm, takes the clippers from hands that won’t work. “Eddie, you with me?”

“Buck,” Eddie says, forcing himself to shaky feet. 

“Outside,” Bobby says. He meets Eddie’s gaze, holds it. “You checked out.”

Eddie collapses forward and Bobby catches him. Eddie can’t stop the trembling, from gasping out Buck’s name. 

“You did it,” Bobby says, holding him. “You did it, Eddie, you can breathe.”

_______

The water washes away almost everything. 

The heaviness remains in Eddie’s chest and he can’t stop the racing of his heart. 

When he comes out of the showers, he sits on the bench. 

Buck’s at the hospital, everyone clamouring to make sure he’s okay. Eddie feels adrift without him, like he’s gonna float away if he doesn’t find something to ground him. He’s talked to Chris; made sure Carla can drop him off when he and Buck make it back home. If Buck wants to go with him. He doesn’t know if—

“Hey.”

Eddie’s head snaps up. Buck’s crouched in front of him, hands on Eddie’s knees. 

“You keep checking out on people,” Buck says quietly. 

“You’re okay,” Eddie whispers. 

Buck nods, then breaks, surging forward and dragging Eddie into a hug. Eddie holds on, buries his face in Buck’s neck. “Eddie, fuck, Eddie.”

Eddie doesn’t know what to say. He holds on, revels in the feel of Buck beneath his hands. 

When Buck pulls back, he presses a hand to Eddie’s face. He’s shaking, Eddie realises. That, or Eddie is and they’re just a mess of shaking and heavy breathing. It should be gross, but it just means they’re both alive. “If you ever do that again, I’ll kill you myself.”

“Do you,” Eddie starts, cuts himself off. “You can’t ask me to leave. Ever. You can’t ask me to leave you alone.”

Buck stares, then nods quickly. “Okay. But you, you think I wanted you there? Chris needs us both, okay?”

Eddie nods. “I couldn’t leave you,” he says again. “I can’t do this if you’re not right next to me.”

The kiss is expected. The hand to the back of his head is soft. 

The ground beneath his feet is solid.         

[amysteriousmessenger]

Rfa comforting MC who thinks that she's useless, replaceable, boring, and feels so lonely

I’m going to add Saeran and V to this because this request really spoke to me and they would Definitely have something to say about it, I’ve been there too, anon. I guarantee that neither myself nor the RFA think you’re useless or replaceable or boring! I hope I did okay! 

Yoosung Kim with an insecure Reader Headcanons 

Yoosung knows what it’s like to feel lonely, and to feel like everyone just overlooks him. He knows how much it hurts and he just cannot stand the idea of you feeling like that. He also knows all too well what it’s like to feel powerless as the youngest member of the RFA.

He’d send write you little notes in your lunchbox saying how much he loves you, or would try to draw your face in ketchup on his omurice: even though it looks terrible, he put a lot of love into it.

He’s like a little puppy, the second he notices that you’re feeling sad he’s going to come bounding over to cheer you up, whether that’s doing something you like or asking if you want to join in on a LOLOL guild expedition.

He gets easily flustered trying to convey what he wants to tell you, but everything he does comes from the heart and the fact it aches over you feeling the same way he did during his darkest times before he met you.

He specifically wants you to know that you’re not replaceable, there’s only one of you and that means you’re extra special to him.

Zen/Hyun Ryu with an insecure Reader Headcanons

Firstly, Zen absolutely worships the ground that you walk on. He never knew that someone so beautiful and perfect and understanding could just stumble into his life, which is why his heart aches so much at hearing you’re feeling so many negative things.

For a moment, Zen would worry that he had caused this with his own narcissism. He’d worry that his need to big himself up out of anxiety would have caused you to push yourself down in comparison. Which is so, so untrue. He realises that it must be... difficult for you to hear him constantly talk about wonderful and handsome he is when you’re feeling so low about yourself. He wouldn’t necessarily stop because he can’t, but he’d try to be more considerate of your feelings.

Zen would go all out to make you feel special, he’d buy you flowers, tell you how gorgeous you are and how undeserving he is of you. Zen will let you know that no one makes him feel the way that you do, ‘in more ways that one’ he’ll add in a husky whisper before flashing a cheeky smirk.

He can’t always help that you feel lonely without him when he has rehearsals, so he’d try to make the time you have together feel even more special. Whilst he wants your undivided attention and gaze, he knows it’s not healthy for you and will encourage you to reach out to friends and Jaehee specifically when you’re feeling lonely. 

When he’s at work, he can’t usually answer his phone but he’ll always answer if you’re upset or worked up and need to talk to him about it. You’re his angel and he’s not going to let you cry without being there to soothe you.

He’d also make sure you know that regardless of how pretty you think his co-stars or backing dancers are, they don’t hold a candle to how beautiful he thinks you are.

Jaehee Kang with an insecure Reader Headcanons

Jaehee knows all too well what it’s like to feel lonely, replaceable and dull. She’s treated like a tool by Jumin, both in and out of hours since he acts like her work schedule is 24/7. She feels boring regardless, and feels like her only interests are coffee and Zen’s musicals. So, she doesn’t understand how someone as wonderful, creative, and interesting as you could possibly think of yourself as boring!

Jaehee would assure you that you’re anything but boring, and would do so by listing everything she can think of that she finds unique, special or interesting about you.

If anything she’s the one that feels replaceable because of how she’s treated at work and how bland she feels overall, she knows how cold that feels inside, so she would never let you feel the same way and wants you to know that.

She also would insist on you hearing her out when she says that you’re not useless, you’re extremely competent to balance everything that you need to during the day and that she admires you for being able to do that with a smile on your face.

It turns into a little bit of a comfort cuddle and cry on the sofa because you both understand how the other one feels and don’t want to see your partner hurting in such a way.

Jumin Han with an insecure Reader Headcanons

Jumin isn’t particularly good when it comes to comforting someone, especially since he’d never really received any sort of intimate comfort before meeting you. He’d go down what he sees as the best route, which is slightly analytical and factual than you probably wanted your reassurance to be.

He assures you that you’re not useless or boring, as no one with such qualities would ever have been able to catch his attention in the way that you did, let alone catch his heart with it.

He’d feel particularly unhappy with you viewing yourself as replaceable because you certainly are not replaceable to him. You opened up his eyes and heart to so much of the world he didn’t understand or felt closed off to. His father views partners as replaceable, Jumin most definitely does not as he will not have you thinking such a thing for even a moment with him.

He does feel apologetic that he works such long hours, and would try to make some re-adjustments to his schedule (much to Jaehee’s grief) to allow the two of you to spend more time together. If you’re up for it, he would also take you away on weekend vacations to be able to relax and enjoy one another’s company without stress.

Saeyoung Choi with an insecure Reader Headcanons

Seven absolutely does not understand how you could feel that way about yourself. You’re such a wonderful person to him, you cracked through his cold shell and loved him for him, even when he tried to push you away. He feels like the useless one, you could never be so.

He just wants to pull you close, cover every part of your body in a kiss and tell you how loved you are. Seven is absolutely someone that believes he can simply squeeze the sadness out of other people, and will attempt to do that with you whilst blowing raspberries into your shoulder. Don’t trust him, if you’re still sad after you’ve been squeezed, he will move on to tickling.

If you feel boring in comparison to seven’s eccentricity, he’ll assure you that you have to be weird to have been able to put up with him for this long, and weird is never boring! He thinks you’re so interesting and funny, he loves listening to your stories and about the things you like.

Once again, Seven understands loneliness. No one has seen him for who he truly is in a very long time, so he understands how isolating that can feel so he’d make a conscious effort to see you for who you are too. 

He’d try to finish his work quicker in future so that he can spend more time with you doing things that would make you happy, such as going on a date to the cinema or for a drive in one of his cars to a cliff where you can listen to music and stargaze on the hood of his car.

Saeran Choi with an insecure Reader Headcanons 

It would probably take Saeran a little while to figure out exactly what was wrong if you didn’t tell him. He’d understand that you were upset, and would try to distract and cheer you up but he’d struggle with specifics if you didn’t explain it to him. But god, it’s hurting him inside.

He had always been the useless one and so aggressively obsessed over it after having it be driven into him so many times that even hearing you refer to yourself as ‘useless’ is a little overwhelming for him and he has to have a time out to calm down.

You were the one who saved him from such a dark place and assured him that his worth does not come from his usefulness, and that he does not need to be useful to be worthy of love, so he tells your own lesson back to you and wants you to accept the same love you offered him.

When you tell him that you feel lonely, he’d initially get a little worried thinking that he wasn’t enough for you, but once you assured him that that wasn’t what you meant, he’d be more able to help. He’d try to invite you along to more of his favourite activities such as gardening and baking, and also ask if there was anything else that you wanted the two of you to do together.

If you need a cry, Saeran would simply hold you and let you cry out everything that you need to, since he knows the damage that can be caused by bottling everything up. He’ll mutter small reassurances that you’re not boring and that he’s already had too much excitement in his life as it is, he likes you just the way you are and that you could never be replaced to him.

V/Jihyun Kim with an insecure Reader Headcanons 

He cannot believe what you’re saying. He’s always thought you were absolutely, entirely perfect. He understands that you might not feel the same way about yourself but he wants to bathe you with so much love that you forget that you could have ever disliked the person he has so much unmatched devotion for.

V would want to do something special for you, to show you how precious you truly are to him. Whilst you were out one day, he’d have gathered every single picture he had ever taken of you and hung the loose images by threads from the ceiling. 

When you’d come home, he would have come behind you and covered your eyes before guiding you into the room and presenting you with... yourself. V takes you through each picture, and god there are so many, and tells you the date, what was happening at that moment, and how he felt about you when taking that picture. 

There are so many different photographs, with so many different emotions captured; happiness, sadness, pleasure, melancholy, excitement, ecstasy, mystery... But the emotion that V always explained himself with was Love, adoration. These memories could never be replaced, and neither could you.

[lavender-scent]

BBRae Week Day Five - Sunny Days

AO3 - FF.net

I Know My Heart Can Be So Cold, But I'm Sweet For You.

It was a beautiful sunny day in Jump City. The Titans agreed to seize the opportunity and go out since the city’s villains seemed to want to enjoy a day off as well.

Except for one person.

“What do you mean you’re not going?”

“You heard me Beast Boy,” she sighed, “I’d like to spend the day at home. Why is that so hard to understand?”

“But everyone is going!”

“And I’m not.” Raven gave him her back declaring the end of their discussion.

He wanted to try to convince her more but he heard his communicator vibrating. “Beast Boy, are you coming?”

He brought it closer to his mouth to speak, “On my way, Cy.”

It had been going like this for a while now: Raven constantly refusing every invite from the team and spending more and more time alone. Beast Boy and the others had tried to convince her to go out with them multiple times only to be rejected at every turn.

The whole team gave up eventually except for Beast Boy. It had taken her long enough to open up to them all, especially him, the first time and he didn't mind getting her to do it again even if it took a while.

Their friends believed it was just a phase but he didn’t want to risk it. He was not letting her shut herself in and isolate herself that easily.

“I’m going now but if you change your mind give me a call, okay?”

“Okay,” she said, still giving him her back.

He sighed but transformed into a hawk and flew through her window down to where his friends were waiting.

“What did friend Raven say?” Starfire asked once he got into the car.

“The usual. I want some quiet time by myself, blah blah blah. You should try it, Beast Boy, blah blah blah.” He tried his best impression of her with a frown.

“We’ll give her space. Maybe she’ll come around.” That was Robin’s answer every time.

'Next time there won’t be any “space”', Beast Boy thought to himself. He would get her out of that room. Not today, though. Raven really hated the sun and it was an exceptionally bright day out.

As they got to the park and started unpacking their stuff, Beast Boy realized he forgot something. “My umbrella! I forgot it at home.”

“B, for the last time, it’s not going to rain.”

“But the weather lady said there’s a 60% chance it would.”

“But the sun is bright and shiny today,” Starfire pointed out, “it does not seem that it will be the raining today, friend Beast Boy.”

“You know I hate the rain! Better safe than sorry.”

“What’s wrong, is the little kitty afraid to get wet?” Cyborg teased.

Beast Boy ignored him and transformed into a hawk for the second time. It would only take him a few minutes to grab his umbrella from the tower and be back. Once he got back to the tower he transformed back into his human form.

The tower smelled different than when he left it, felt different. Was Raven performing some sort of a spell? No, he knew when she was practicing spells. The scent always included herbs and old books. This scent smelled… sweet?

“Stop!” he heard a familiar voice.

Raven.

He ran to the source of the sound only to realize there was more than just her pleading voice. It made him run faster.

“Don’t touch her!” Beast Boy yelled when he reached Cyborg’s lab.

What Beast Boy saw was the furthest thing from what he expected. He had had all the worst scenarios prepared in his head, only to find Raven holding what looked like a five year old boy in one arm and a girl that seemed just a little bit older on the other.

“What the-“ before he got to finish his sentence he was cut off with screams.

“BEAST BOY!” the boy and the girl both jumped from Raven’s arms into Beast Boy's.

Beast Boy looked down at the two kids hugging his legs and back to his teammate. She looked like she was barely breathing.

“Raven, you brought Beast Boy!” the girl spoke first.

“It seems like I did.” She said nervously. She walked to Beast Boy and held his wrist, “Can I have a word?”

“Of course.” He followed her to the hallway leaving the two kids alone in the lab.

“What are you doing here?”

“I forgot my umbrella.”

“You do know that it’s not going to rain.”

“But the weather lady said-“

“Enough with the weather lady!” she threw her hands in the air in frustration. “Take your umbrella and just leave.”

“Okay, fine!” After a second thought, he asked, “Wait, who are those kids?”

“They’re my… cousins.” Raven said after she realized there was no way she could hide it any more.

It was obvious she didn’t want him there but he was still confused. Why did she hide that from the team?

“I didn’t know you had cousins?”

“I’ve reconnected with my aunt on Earth a few weeks ago. She had some work here in the city and I offered to take the kids for the day.” Raven answered hoping the investigation would be over soon. “Any more questions?”

“You have an aunt and you didn’t tell us?” Beast Boy paused. “Is that why you haven’t been spending as much time with us lately?”

“I.. I wanted-“ Raven was cut off by a loud noise.

They went back to the lab to find the boy climbing Cyborg computer set.

“James, get down! Raven is going to be mad at us!” his sister – Beast Boy assumed – tried to reach him using a chair but he was far above her.

“James, get down!” Raven ordered.

“I can’t!” James cried. “I don’t know how!”

Beast Boy decided to step in transforming into a moose, holding the little boy with one antler and putting him back down.

“That was awesome!” the boy yelled once the changeling went back to his human body. “Do it again!”

“Yes, Beast Boy do it again!” the girl joined.

“Erica, I believe Beast Boy has somewhere to be.” Raven gave him a glare.

“Right!” Beast Boy found himself forgetting about the picnic. The truth was he wanted to stay with Raven. “Are you sure you don’t need my help?”

“Nope.”

Both Beast Boy and Raven tuned at the sound of something breaking.

“Sorry,” James said, putting back a remote that was now in half.

Raven sighed. “Why did I think bringing them here was a good idea.”

“We still haven’t seen the training room!” Erica reminded her.

“I…” Raven was trying to think of a way to get out of this seeing how James causing chaos in the lab just confirmed that he shouldn’t be anywhere near all those weapons. Before she got to say anything, Beast Boy spoke up. “Who wants to go to the fair?”

“Me! Me! Me!” Both kids held their hands up high.

Beast Boy turned to his teammate. “You think you can give us a ride?”

Raven was caught by surprise. “Uhm, yeah I think I can. But only once.”

She held the changeling's hand with one and Erica’s with the other asking her to hold her brother’s hand as well.

When they got to the fair the kids immediately let her hand go and ran to see all the games they could play.

“That was a close one,” Beast Boy chuckled.

Raven didn’t laugh. “What are you still doing here?”

“Helping you?”

“I didn’t ask for help. I have everything under control. You can leave.”

“Everything under control? Okay then, where are the kids right now?”

“They are right ther-“ Raven looked around to find neither of them within her sight.

“They’re by the big wheel. You’re welcome.”

“I knew that.”

“No you didn’t. Now can you let go of my hand so I can get them some tickets.”

Raven looked down to find that she was indeed still holding his hand. She removed her hand from his and hoped that the hood of her cloak was hiding her blush as he left to go get the tickets.

“Can we please get ice cream?” James asked, running to her.

“Sure.”

“And I want to get on the big wheel!”

“Whatever you want.”

“Is Beast Boy your boyfriend?”

“No,” she answered without thinking. “Wait, what?”

“I saw you guys holding hands,” explained the little boy.

“No, we’re just teammates.” Raven blushed. Why would the kids ask her such a question? Weren't they too young to know about this stuff?

“My friend Lily thinks you guys look great together,” Erica said after she joined them. “She has all these drawings of you.”

“Drawings? Of us?”

“Yeah, kissing.”

Raven tried to change the subject when she saw her teammate coming with the tickets. “Oh look! Beast Boy brought the tickets. Go stand in line for your turn.”

They ran to Beast Boy to get their tickets and went back waiting at the big wheel.

“At least now we don’t have to worry about them getting hurt or killed by Cy.” Beast Boy said cheerfully.

“Yeah, great," Raven replied harshly.

Beast Boy turned to look at her. “Are you mad at me?”

She ignored him.

Beast Boy knew she trying to push him away again. Too bad it wouldn’t work.

“Why didn’t you tell us about your aunt and cousins?”

“It’s stupid.”

“I like stupid.”

“You wouldn’t understand. None of you would.”

“Try me.”

Raven exhaled a long breath. She had a feeling Beast Boy wouldn't be giving up soon. He never knew when to stop.

“I didn’t tell you about my cousins because I didn’t want them to meet you.”

“Are you embarrassed by us??”

“No... the opposite.”

“You’re… proud of us?”

“No! That’s not what I meant. I mean I am proud of you. I just didn’t want them to meet you because I know they would love you more.”

Beast Boy had never been more confused in his life. “People are usually happy by that.”

“I want them to love you. I just don’t want them to love you more than…. More than me.” Her insecurity finally broke through and she looked almost ashamed despite her defiance.

“Rae, I’m sure the kids love you. You’re an amazing person.”

“Yeah That’s how it felt before you came.” Raven knew she was being immature about this but she couldn’t help it. “I know I say I don’t care about fans but it’s always the same. Kids usually like you, guys like Cyborg, girls like Robin and boys like Starfire. No one likes me.”

“That’s not true!”

“Yeah right. How could I forget? Only creeps like the creep.”

Beast Boy gave her a sad look. He hated when she thought of herself that way. That was not who she was.

“Anyway,” Raven continued, “it felt nice to find my cousins and for them to see me as their favorite hero.”

She waited for him to tell her how childish and petty that was, how selfish she was to be hiding her whole family for the sake of being a kid’s favorite. But she heard none of that.

“Then I have to tell them about all the times you saved our asses.”

“What?” Raven gave him a confused look.

“Come on.” He took her hand and went to the kids as they just left the big wheel a little dizzy. “Who wants ice cream?” he asked.

Once they got their ice cream –strawberry for Beast Boy and Erica, chocolate for James and blueberry for Raven – Beast Boy proceeded to tell the kids every time Raven saved the team. He started to sound like a bigger fan than the kids were.

Every time he finished one the kids would turned amazed at Raven and ask to confirm Beast Boy’s story.

They seemed to forget all about the games they were first excited about. Her aunt called to check on them and agreed to pick them up at the fair later on.

Erica noticed a costumes tent that offered face painting as well and asked if they could get one.

“What costume do you want?” Raven asked.

“Yours! ” cheered Erica.

“Me too!” followed James.

Raven was shocked. She thought at least James would want to dress as the changeling or maybe Robin.

Both of them ran to the tent to look for costumes their sizes.

“I’m gonna go pay for them,” said Beast Boy as he walked after them.

She waited for them until they came out wearing blue cloaks and running around her. “Look Raven, now I’m Raven!”

She smiled at them and then looked up to see Beast Boy grinning at her.

They met her aunt not so long after. “I left one Raven only to come back to find two more!”

The kids ran to hug their mother. “We’re helping Raven save the city!”

“Hey, I’m Beast Boy.” The changeling offered his hand.

“Hi, I’m Selena, Raven’s aunt, ” Her aunt replied as she shook his hand. “Raven talks a lot about you!”

“Really?” Beast Boy glanced at Raven to find her face flushed.

“Aunt Selena, aren’t you late for your subway?” Raven reminded her.

“Right, right, I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Thanks for watching the kids! And it nice to meet you, Beast Boy.”

“Likewise.”

Beast Boy couldn’t miss the opportunity to tease her once her aunt left. “You told your aunt about me?”

“You’re a superhero. She already knows about you.”

“Yeah but it’s not the same as from you.”

She tried to stop herself from hitting him because of the stupid grin he was giving her but he was making it very hard.

Suddenly, Raven felt something funny on her nose. She touched it to find her nose a little wet. Then again on her cheek. She looked up to realize it was raining.

She expected Beast Boy to complain, or say he was right. Instead he said, “Want to go on the big wheel? I saved us tickets.”

“You don’t want to go home? It’s raining.”

“No, I don’t mind.”

The ride was quiet at first but then Raven spoke. “Thank you, for today. I admit, I wouldn’t have made it without you. It was... Fun.”

Beast Boy only smiled.

On their wedding night, during one of the many danced they shared as husband and wife, Beast Boy reminded her of the day they spent with her cousins who were now older but still as excited to see their older cousin married. "When we went to get the costumes they asked me to marry you and I promised them, I would.” Beast Boy told her.

“I guess we make great part-rents together.” He moved his hand closer to hers, gently squeezing it, hoping she wouldn’t take it away. She didn’t.

“So you’re saying you’re with me only because you promised my cousins you would marry me?”

She laughed at his attempt at mashing partners and parents together. Then with a thought to his second statement she replied softly, “I guess we do.”

Beast Boy leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead as they swayed to the soft music. “I always knew I’d be with you. After that day I only wanted you more.”

nb: if you liked this check my poolside fic for day 2

also my friend's fic for into the woods for day 3

(@bbraeweek21 )

[chrichri-chan-18-love]

For you (Yandere Harem x Reader)

OUR YANDERES FOR THIS HAREM:

ILLUMI (HUNTER X HUNTER)

CHROLLO (HUNTER X HUNTER)

IZAYA (DURARARA)

LIGHT (DEATH NOTE)

DAZAI (BUNGO STRAY DOGS)

You... you were one of the most unlucky creatures you’ve ever known. You had once been a strong and proud yokai. The lengedary nine tail fox, descendant of one of the most noble bloodlines among your kind. One day, a shinigami asked for your assistance, claiming that a “friend” of his, needed a much stronger ally.

Light Yagami, a child that was arrogant and saw himself as a just and noble person. You disguised yourself as a normal human girl and gave him a good lecture about that little fantasy about his, when he threatened to write your name in the Death Note, you revealed yourself and told him off.

“If you think that this little notebook can help you become a god, you are mistaken. You are a human that will live and die, then whatever legacy you think you can create,will be forgotten with time.”

Your words had an impact on him, you however, had an even bigger one. He became obsessed, coming to you for advice, talking to you for hours and trying to charm you. However you knew better, you never allowed him to know anything but the bare minimum about your kind and abilities.

When Light became too invasive, you didn’t hesitate to use an old techinque to cross dimensions. The only good thing about Japan was that no matter how many universes there were, with all the crazy abilities and people, yokai still existed. That’s why you could cross over... the world you entered was weird, yet you paid it little attention, you became friends with a mortal teenage girl named Honoka, the two of you got into a lot of mischief...but one day, she began acting like a mindless puppet... and it wasn’t long before you figured out why.

That made you cross paths with Illumi Zoldyck.The two of you met after you stopped his needles easily and rescued his little brother from another yokai that had come after you, growing closer after a while and becoming friends with him and Gon. Illumi was intrigued with you and after your meeting, which resulted in a fight that ended as a draw, decided to investigate more about the nine tail fox. Seeing as having by Killua’s side was beneficial for both Killua and him.

However after three weeks, you gained the attention of another man, Chrollo Lucilfer. He watched in awe as you revealed yourself during a fight over an ancient relic that originally belonged to your kind.Chrollo studied you with fascination, obsessing over the unknown that you represented, his calm behavior never betrayed a thing about this... but he wanted to have you, keep you to himself and learn everything about you.

And he wasn’t the only one.

Illumi tried to control you but he failed again and again... and seeing as you were able to fight him without any problem, he slowly began to fancy you, even thinking of marrying you...Killua liked you and you were strong, you were mysterious yet welcoming to those you deemed worthy of your trust. Viscious to your enemies, never hesitating in battle. He... liked that.

The two didn’t meet until you revealed to Gon and Killua that you planned to leave. You had sense Light entering this realm, probably with the help of another yokai. You gave them a parting gift, the fangs of your childhood years. They carried some of your power and thus they would be protected, you also asked them to give a small hairpin to Honoka and tell her how thankfull you were to have her as a friend.

Just in time too, because Illumi, Chrollo and Light appeared and preapred to subdue you. Using your power, you once again crossed dimensions without noticing that the three males had entered the portal too, this time ending up in a dimension you had been during your childhood... you recalled that there had been one boy that had tried to mess with you... his name was.. Osamu Dazai...he was quite weird, always talking about suicide and how wonderfull it would be if you and him could die together. He... creeped you out back then and he still did, the second he saw you he wrapped his arms around you, talking about how pretty you had become, how much he missed you and how you two could die together after years of seperation....you literally pushed him aside and went to the nearest shrine dedicated to a foc spirit to settle down. Dazai didn’t leave your side, becoming a pest as he told you of his life, of his filled with bloodshed and war... being overly dramatic about it too.

“You haven’t changed a bit. I swear, if I had thought it a bit more I would have stayed back to deal with Light or Chrollo and Illumi.”

“ Light... Chrollo.... Illumi... huh?” Dazai said, his tone dropping as he looked at you seriously... you felt a chill run down your spine, yeah, that was the reason you had left from this dimension, this... tone, that gaze and that possessive aura... oh, it was making you feel sick.

“Well,well. Look at what I found.” A new voice said, turning around you saw a man looking at you two with a smirk.

“Oh great! Now who are you, exactly?” You asked and he came closer, Dazai became stiff at the sight.

“Izaya Orihara, at your service, my cute little fox girl”

You scoffed at that, another weirdo... wonderfull.

“Another mortal with a problematic attitude, at this point I might even call myself cursed.” You said, turning around and leaving the two alone. 

“Stay away from her, Izaya. I’ve long since taken my rightfull place in her life.”

“Aww, now that’s just rude. I’ve been watching you two from afar for a very long time. I wanted to get along with her too, you know. She is so cute when she’s mad, sad or excited about something.”

“So, you’re a stalker? I’m shocked...not.”

“You’re no better Dazai, my friend. I know that you’ve been after her for a very long time and that you’ve done the same things as I, if not even more.”

“What do you want, Izaya?”

“Let’s become partners in crime! See if those three males she spoke of are anything special. If they are, I am not against sharing.”

Dazai thought this over before eventually agreeing, if the men you spoke of were strong, then sharing would be the only thing left to do... and not even a day later, all five of them met, they exchanged information and formed a plan to get you. 

You never stood a chance against all of them.

They sealed the majority of your power through a contact made with blood. Thus making you something of a guardian spirit... you were tricked by them and you payed the price by becoming their precious servant.

Izaya, Dazai and Chrollo didn’t mind spoiling you and letting you go out, with the condition that you behaved and did everything they wanted. Illumi and Light weren’t really into that, prefering to isolate you and slowly break you into accepting them, Light wanted you to love him and Illumi wanted to ensure that he would always be in your heart, that his memory would live on with you even after he was long gone.

Honestly... you really did believe that you were the most unlucky creature, anyone in your place would think so... but you hoped, begged that one of them would die sooner rather than later... especially when one of them talked about a baby born from a human and a yokai, you couldn’t remember who it had been... but the idea spread like wildfire...

Once they were all dead, once they died... you would be free... you just had to hold on... you just needed to wait, even if you suffered, hope still remained in you. 

Untill then,you had no choice but to listen to what them... to become a doll meant to make them happy.

Really, you were just unlucky... because you might fall for one of them as the years pass by... and then... then you’d probably join them in death... because they clearly didn’t plan on ever letting you go.