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maldito-arbol · 1 year

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HELLO CHAPTER 7 HELLO WHAT DIE

“Run, Marcy, run, while you still can. She is not worth the risk. Strength is not worth…” (HELLO!??!?? BESTIE NO PLEASE IM GOING TO CRY)

She can only take Witney in her hands and hold her tight. (HOLD HER SO SO GENTLE PLEASE SOBBING)

A little cold, solid form presses against the side of her curled fist.

“Marcy,” she whispers. “Hold me?” (Hello i am a broken man now i cannot deal with this)

Witney trembles in her palms. “Marcy,” she says again, she must like saying her name now, and even that hurts. “You cared about me.” And it sounds like she’s crying too, even though she has no tears to do so. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” (Hi did you know i hate everything forever and ever now)

She holds her out to just look at her, as if to look her in the eyes despite only one existing between them.(shkfifhshdbgkjdhshd)

“You wish to protect…me?”(witney‘s fav hobby is saying the most fucked up things like they’re so so normal i think)

“It-it—has been so long. So long and hard and painful. I hadn’t had a vessel in so long, I…I almost thought, ‘it’s okay if they continue to hurt me. It’s better than being alone.’”(guys what if i just go and become a marcy kinnie instead and just hold her so so gently forever and ever and tell her i love her all the time and protect her from everything ever)

“I know you loved Heart,” she begins, nervous, careful. “But did you…ever love Strength too?”

There’s a grunt that sounds angry. “That was one of my many, many mistakes.” (This is the one time k will accept any Strength slander. Its funny and Witney deserves it i think especially after it calls her stupid so much)

. “Lovesick little idiots, the both of us.”

“You cannot call yourself an idiot.”

“Sure I can—„ (so true bestie. I dont know wjat it is about this bit but. Oughhh

“Marcy, you are the greatest library I have ever had.” (🥺)

And maybe being a good vessel shouldn’t be some kind of an achievement, but…right now it feels like she’s winning. (Marcy: i got a good grade in gem vessel, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve)

“Why would you instigate your own death when you can just run away?”(witney: why die when you can just run to another country and change your name. Just leave. If you dont like it hit da bricks)

SO TRUE WITNEY im glad she gets to enjoy marcy shit talking barrel as well good for them both

“I think,” Marcy murmurs, hugging herself now. “The general consensus we can come to here is that nothing went our way and everything sucks.” (So so true bestie i got it down oat Everything Went So Wrong In Every Way)

If you thought Marcy’d blame herself for my injuries, imagine what’s going through her head when you say shit like whatever the fuck that sack of turds was that you just spat at me.”(That Certainly Is One Of The Explicatives Ive Ever Heard. Definitely A String Of Words Huh)

I think that witney and marcy should get to have fun and be silly. Theyre sl cute i love themmmmmmm. I swear if this goes south fucking immidiately im going to cry theyre so happy rn with their silly little library ideas,,,,,,,,,,,,

HOLY SHIT BRENTON IM SCREAMING THIS IS SO COOL

SOBBING THE BELOVEDS

WITNEY PROBOUNS WITNEY PRONOSUDBDJHSVSVDBFB

“That’s what it always seems like at first,” he snaps quickly. “You get lured in by that protectiveness, that surface-level kindness, and then when it’s done with you, it’ll drop you like dirty laundry.” His tone is devastating, but somehow, with this new information, Marcy feels even more implored to defend the pink gem. (You know what maybe i Will become a Marcy kinnie. Super nice to Witney all the time and holds him so so gently. Defends Strength. Gets headaches from a hole in her mind. Shes just like me frfr)

WOAHHHHHH the mentaö image of this library is So Cool- OH NO EVIL EYE KILL IT

“Isn’t it remarkable what you can accomplish when I bully you into it?” Brenton tells her with a smirk.

“You’re a dick,” she shoots back, playfully shoving him.(abkfjfhshshjdjfjd witney,,,,,,,,, i think that witney deserves to be alittle bit of a dick sometimes. Hes earned it)

So what, you just gonna keep being Brenton now?”

He hums through more laughter. “I did miss it. I think I’d like to stay like this a little longer.” (POV ur witney and i get ur first taste of gender euphoria from a plant)

K MART SO REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Salom,,,,,, that such a cute name,,,,,,,,,

“In fact it was Barrel’s fiancée who taught me how, and she taught me to read his little secret language too.” (🥺🥺🥺 THATS SO CUTE WEIF BELOVED I LOVE THEM )

“By the time I grew knowledgeable enough to comprehend the content of this book, I could no longer bring myself to read it.”(TRADGEDY STRUCK NO SAD BABY :(((((( )

He simply sighs. “Well. Me and Heart did.” And this is news to Marcy. “Before Sasha, Strength only had one vessel. And she was a frog.”

One?

One vessel? Witney had 58 and Strength only had one? (hmmmmmmmmmm. I may. Come back to this later. This one got me like 👀 . Im gonna be so normal about this one bestie dont WORRY about it)

“I am to blame for the way Strength lost her.”

There’s a silence. This time, Marcy knows not to ask. She won’t make a peep.

“I don’t think I regret it,” he admits, shamefully. “But I also wonder sometimes if anything would have changed had I not pushed her over the edge.” (WHAT HELLO WHAT I AM 👀👀👀 IM. Bestie i am THINKING. What did you do to weif i am going to Kill you)

They meet her eye, the fire in it boring a hole into their blue oceans. “I…” they start again, dry, hesitant, terrified. “…I’m sorry.” They just barely manage to get it out. Marcy nods vigorously, a gesture to keep going. “Very. For a lot of things. And I…love…you…?”(SCREAMING CRYING GOING TO BREAK A WALL RIP EVERYTHING TO SHREADS HOLY SHIT. HEART?!!??!!! WHY IS IT A QUESTION IM GOINH TO KILL SOMEONE FUCK)

He he. Silly word association. Dont mind me having a little giggle over the fact Heart says theyre the agile one when we had Agility as a Wength kid…

“I am yours. All yours, always and forever.”

Her head shakes. She begins weeping all over again. “You’re not.”

“what—”

“I cannot tell you that, Heart,” she fires back, a sob in her throat. “I am your love, not your king.” (SCREAMING CRYING STABBING YOU RN. I am going FREAL right now Heartney My Beloveds hnnnnnnnnnnn)

Oh hmmm i forgot about the spell pouches. I was gonna be like i wonder what thats like on the gems side but theey just kinda wake them up so they can take control dont they. Nvm.

Uhm on second thought maybe theres more to it then that what rhe Fuck just happened. Side note Anne‘s unconcious body is just In The Field now what are they planning to do to get her back to bed. Im sure this will work out perfectly

Nooo WAIT BUT IF IT GETS RID OF HEART THEN WHAT ABOUT WITNEY TOO NO WAIT BUT WITNEY BELOVED NO COME BACK

WAIT. Wait is it. Wait hold on gimmie a second o don’t remember what maddie or valeriana look like hold on. I feel like tje dots that are in my brain that im connecting right now theres a good chance im wrong but. The dots that are in my brain they are connecting.

hanjdhsgsgshshw well in glad Heart didnt Say anying about the fact its *incredibly* obvious who Sprig‘s ancestor was

“I did no such thing.”

So this whole time they’ve been blaming Heart for the antler it…wasn’t even them at all?( hmmmmmmmmmmm iiinchressstiiiinnnhhgggggg. Also the bit about the fact Heart has claws and etc. being because of Anne… OH AND THAT WHY ANDRIAS DOESNT GUYS IM CONNECTING THE PIECES)

“Everything I had with him got in the way of what I wanted with them,” they say with venom. “I was so convinced I could only love him, I didn’t allow myself to love them. When I knew I did.” They chuckle sadly. “I want to love them so badly.” (Wow did you know il insane now im never going to be normal again ever ever again this is my life forever now)

WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHERE IS WITNEY NO WITNEY NO WJAT WAIT NO- NO WAIT STOP NO WAIT

NO U

GOOD. CRY

If I don’t make Marcy hold Witney gently very five seconds then I’m doing something wrong

See what I mean

That was the intention

I’m so funny guys. Haha. Remember how. Remember how Marcy only has one eye

It’s because he’s spent her entire life going through fucked up things and therefore doesn’t realize they’re fucked up.

You are welcome in the Marcy Kinnie Community, we have trauma here.

Witney can have a little fun at Strength’s expense, as a treat.

I’m like Marcy. I used to be so smart in school but I am such a dumb of ass when it comes to socializing and the like. And I just keep getting dumber the older I get.

THEY! ARE! SUCH! BESTIES!

Dude literally

More people should think like Witney. Just run away from all your problems.

Shit-talking Barrel is always a great activity for your mental health.

Everything went so wrong and I am so here for it. What fun would this story be if anything went right?

I was having such a hard time coming up with a good line there and I concluded that I am simply not good at it at all.

Let them be silly so true bestie

Bro you have NO idea how excited I was to include Brenton in this, or how HARD it was to keep it secret for seven months. It is truly maniacal.

AND NOW WE CAN TRULY START GENDERING WITNEY

Please come join the Marcy Kinnies. Also I love the whole “defending Strength” thing. Marcy has actually met and had important interactions with Strength, and now that she realizes that, she has her own impression of it. She can’t see how it would be capable of doing something that would spark such hatred on Witney’s part, and more than that, Witney won’t tell her what that something is. Having Marcy and Witney disagree on the matter is very important to me.

This library would be so much fun. And it’s such a perfect place to show Marcy all the different kinds of people Witney has been a part of. Hehe eyeball. You like what I did there?

I MISS Witney’s sass-mouth. Let him be a dick. She has the capability.

LITERALLY

I WILL NEVER LET GO OF K-MART

such a cute name for such an off-kilter little guy.

Dude Leif teaching Witney how to read is one of my most favorite things ever. They have so so much more to their relationship than what was shown in the Heart chap and I’m SO excited to show more of it in the upcoming gem chaps.

Poor Witney having to revisit her tragic backstory :((

ONE VESSEL ONE VESSEL. GGRRRRRR THIS ONE ALWAYS GETS ME SO BAD. If you ever wondered why Strength acts so differently as a gem and why I keep pointing it out, it’s because of THIS.

What I did to Weif? What do I always do to the pink/green relationships??? You can’t tell me you didn’t see this coming.

Oh Heart. Immediately trying and immediately failing to start things back up with Witney. At least Witney is the last person who would judge Heart.

Don’t make me think about Aggie I’ll get sad

HEARTNEY ANGST SO GOOD

Ahh the spell pouches. If you remember from way back in IBYBF 5 when we actually got to see a POV of a spell pouch doing its work,

A sudden blast of purple materializes between her and the gem, filling the water with the hue and prompting the vine to release her leg at once.

“Aw, leaving so soon—?”

The gem disappears in the cloud, and Anne’s eyes go wide with the realization.

One of the bundles has gone off.

Heart quite literally disappears into the cloud of purple. Furthermore we can see with this passage from CMTO 7,

“Do not use anymore of that magic stuff on me,” they demand softly. “It hinders my connection to Anne, and she is expecting a status report. I will return to my realm peacefully. Do you have any final questions before I go?”

Essentially, the pouches work to sever the connection between vessel and gem for a brief period of time, meaning communication and possession become impossible. It muddies the dreamscapes as well, filling them with the purple void and further confusing and disorienting all parties. Now I want you to sit back and come to the understanding that Heart and Anne both spent all of that morning trapped in the void and unable to find each other until Maddie put the incense out. And have fun with that information.

Yes just as it works on Heart, it also works quite well on Witney.

DONT WORRY ABOUT VALERIANA YET

I originally didn’t have the gems react to Sprig’s likeness to Leif because I hadn’t yet fully developed the gem backstory and didn’t know what their reaction would be,, but now I just think it’s SUPER funny that they still don’t.

You’re doing great sweetie. And if you recall, Heart only starting growing the branches and that ‘rhinoceros horn’ in Andrias’s calamity form when they tried to suffocate Leif.

This is also my life forever gODAMMIT I love Heart sm

Hmmmmm where is Witney? I wonder :^)

#ask mal #CMTO #CMTO 7 #teeheehee

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temporalbystander · 8 months

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So. I have, once again, come to the conclusion that the reason why we can't have the best in life is because people have copyrighted the good and refuse to let anyone make it better... This is gonna be a gaming ramble btw. A long one.

Anyway let's begin with what started the realisation this time. A few days back, probably prompted by my rebinge of TGSAnime's Yu-Gi-Oh videos, I was suggested to watch a couple videos of someone playing tag force. It was okay, not the greatest, but I liked how the character models of the duelists had an animation for everything from drawing, setting a card and activating a spell. It was cute.

Well about an hour ago I stumbled across a video title that REALLY caught my attention. One that was talking about the Tag Force series, which holy shit there's more than one game, while also calling them dating Sims. As a romantic (read, guy who really crushed on Alexis Rhodes when GX first came out) I decided this video needed a watch through and.... Well damn if it wasn't the most amazing game I've ever heard of. Not only do you get to go through Duel Academy, and all the events of the show, as your own original character. But you get to interact with the characters and bond with them! Then, in the sequel, you get your own little unique story lines with them after the show plot is over! And in the third and final one (final GX one I mean)? All that growth from the first two games carries over into the final season 4 plot along with you, feeling like your own complete character, graduating duel academy.

Obviously this sounded like the most amazing thing I had ever heard of in my life so, of course, I immediately started googling to see if anyone had taken this idea and pushed a little further with it. Made it into more of a fleshed out dating sim with unique interactions. The results? Not only do Yu-Gi-Oh and dating sim only bring you right back to Tag Force. But Yu-Gi-Oh and rpg seems to be just as barren a search. I'm sorry but I find it incredibly hard to believe that Im the only one who's interested in hearing about the characters of an anime interacting with you as you join them on their journeys. If Konami made a series out of it then clearly there's a target audience.

But nope. All I got were card game simulations. As if people no longer care about the characters and the stories. Bull. The card game sucks, it's beyond broken and the obsession with meta is garbage. It's the same thing that ruined competitive Pokemon for me, the top ten in every tournament using almost the exact same team of six (some of whom have even admitted to using hacked perfect IV and evs because they don't give a damn about the game and see if as an easy way to make money. I don't know if that's still the case but the fact a competitive scene could ever let it get to that point? Is disgusting.)

Anyway, my hatred of competition meta ruining fun games not withstanding, let's talk about this realisation. Konami clearly owns the rights to developing bonds as you interact and play alongside your favourite duelists. (I know that's not how copyright works but I swear it makes sense eventually.) Because of this? There is no chance of finding any other fanwork using this same premise but pushing it a bit further. Giving you minigames or other events you can spend with your partner beyond simple dueling or talking... Or giving them eggwhiches (my brain practically overloaded when I heard that was a feature.) Anything to develop the relationship further. Nope. The best we will ever get is Tag Force. Which, I mean, is still amazing and raises the possibility of Konami doing a remaster some day which I am all for. I just heard this existed and it's the best thing ever. I would die for a remaster.

But, as pointed out in my first paragraph, this isn't the first time I've come to the realisation that a system, which would be beyond amazing if manipulated a bit, will forever remain stuck with the original creators who don't care to improve on it. The other examples? Fire Emblem and Persona. Both of these series are God-tier. The social links and affinity systems are amazing! So, of course, you can imagine my severe disappointment when, after my first encounter with both these series, I saw nobody else had done anything like it. No social links that affect the story beyond a few optional scenes (though P5 using all the confidants to boost gameplay mechanics? *Chefs kiss* brilliance.) And no games where affinity rank ups are more than a few lines of dialogue that are almost exactly the same in spite of who the characters interacting are (most noticeable when dealing with the scenes between parents and children. The parent with the same class would get an incredibly detailed scene while the other parent just got the generic other parent scenes with maybe a line or two different. I don't even think there's anything special about siblings.)

Seriously. That is three separate series, with three separate mechanics that have so much potential. And nobody else is doing anything with them. How can we possibly still be getting inspired fangames based on the Gameboy Pokemon era graphics and yet nobody has touched these ideas? It could be so good. But it won't. Because the copyright holders don't care about improving it.

#late night rambles #ooc #mun talks #outsideofcausality #not miraculous related #yugioh #persona 5 #fire emblem #game mechanics #gaming #so close yet so far

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dckweed · 2 years

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hey!! could you please write a hopper x reader smut fic where he is a service dom and the reader is incredibly needy. Age gap if you are comfortable, i was thinking along the lines of the reader is needy at the most inconvenient times but Hopper is a giver hehe. If not, totally fine :) thank you

you got it bby!! pls im a living breathing age gap rn, my soon to be husband is 43 next month and im 23 in September! i quite fondly love to write them as well (within legal age limits ofc!), though im not too versed in what a service dom is but I think i pretty much get the gist of it..

not gonna lie im actually hecka excited for this, this is my first smut fic ive written in so so long, and it's right off the top of my head too bc bet ive been getting my horny ideas gathered all day from the deep dark depths of tumblr-whorism (please, don't act like y'all aren't little sluts for this site). this is actually so long holy shit and definitely not my greatest but better then i was actually expecting it to be.

warnings: age gap reader ( legal age) x dom!Jim Hopper, rough sex, spanking, maybe some choking in there, definite unprotected sex (pls don't go without a condom folks, unless you're actually wanting a child, this is strictly for fictional pleasure purposes only), cream pie, cheerleader kink? is that a thing? semi-public sex..maybe some size kink? maybe thicc reader bc as a curvy girl, ive noticed there's no curvy girl reader fics for him out here. squirting.

anywhore, i present you with:

'ALWAYS SO FUCKIN' NEEDY BABYGIRL..' jim hopper x female reader

Now look, your previous lovers wouldn't have called you an overly needy individual, some would have even called you lame (and it was entirely their fault for not knowing how to fucking handle you), but if there was one thing you knew for certain it was that Jim Hopper would have absolutely everything to say against their statements. God, you knew he thought you were fucking annoying half the time, you and your needy fucking cunt begging for him at the most inopportune times, but what could you say? Something about Hop just fucking brought out the whore in you. Maybe it was the authority that swelled off of him in waves, maybe it was the way that he was so much bigger than you, and anyone you'd ever been with or maybe it was the excitement of how much older than you he was, or the thrill of not getting caught. You couldnt pin it down, nor did you really want to. You loved what you had with Hopper, and honestly you think you're starting to fall in love with him too, not that you'd tell him that. But you'd like to think that he loved what you guys had too, despite how fucking needy you could be.

He wouldn't ever complain though, because really he loved it, he loved the way your begged for him, the way your pussy fit around him so fucking perfectly it was like a glove molded perfectly to fit him, to please him in anyway that he saw fit, and it never disappointed, and he always made sure his babygirl was fucked so good that it made her stupid, it was quite honestly one of his favorite pass times, he loved it, and he thought that he even loved you too, despite the age difference.

If he brought out the whore in you, you brought out the animal in him, and the animal was already thrashing against it's cage, ready to be released into the wild to claim what's his. He sat on the bleachers, he was plain clothed tonight, harder to recognize but not for you. Your eyes were drawn to him, no matter what sized crowd or what you were doing, and tonight, well, you couldn't look away from him, your eyes boring into him like the heat from a million fires, the same heat that you felt boiling in the pit of your groin .God, you thought, you really did get needy for him at the worst times.

It was the first football game of the season, and you were out on the field in the midst of your first halftime routine. Now that you were finally in your senior year, and now that you were finally eighteen, you had been made head cheerleader. You had taken the task to heart, updating some of your dances, changing your uniforms from the ill fitting sweaters to the cuter, cropped tops that hugged your torso perfectly but still left little to the imagination, hell you had even held a cheer camp over the summer (that hop had made every excuse to come visit), which included auditions. You had even gone so far as to ad the most muscular looking boys you could find as well, as bases for better stunts. You had plans this year, you wanted to win some competitions, put your names out there, and if you were being honest, you were pretty proud of your work.

It was evident in the way that you swayed your hips to the new beats of your guys' tracks, evident in the way that shit eating smirk slid across your face as you looked in the crowd over your shoulder, the one that clearly stated that you knew you were hot fucking shit. You could feel his eyes on you, following your every move, it only drove you to go harder, to make sure every step was perfect, every last beat until you finally finished in the air, one of your male bases holding you up, hands firmly gripping your foot and ankle on one leg as the other was stretched up by your head as you and the rest of the girls screamed 'GO TIGERS!' at the top of your lungs as you let your base pop you off, throwing you into the air before catching you.

"Your boyfriend is here." One of the girls, one of your friends, Susie, teases once you're all on the ground. You feel your face flush, okay, so maybe one person had caught you guys, but thankfully she wasn't dumb enough to go blabbing all over town. She snickered, rolling her eyes at you before turning you around and pushing your shoulder forward. "Go get him, I can smell the horny radiating off of you, I can handle the last of the routines."

You were going through make a noise of protest, but good heavens she was fucking right, you could practically feel your need for him dripping out of your cheer panties. You look for him in the crowd, but he's not in his spot. With a pout you put your hands on your hips, before quickly going off field and around the side of the stands, in the pale brightness of the stadium lights you find him slowly making his way towards the parking lot, his leather jacket a giveaway that it was him.

"Hop!" You call out, jogging to catch up to him, he stops, turns slightly to look at you. Your tits bouncing in all of their glory, your skirt bouncing too, showing off the shake of your thick thighs that he loved to bury himself between. You see his fist clench, and his throat move as if swallowing deeply. "I wasn't expecting to see you here..enjoy the show?" You ask, hopping onto his back.

Hop grunts at the action, his hands going immediately to your thighs to keep you from falling, holding back a groan at the way you squeezed him in response. He could have taken you right then and there, your little show had been more than enough for his cock to stiffen terribly, infact he was on his way to take care of it in his car, he thought you wouldn't notice him leave. "Sure did, babygirl." He says, continuing to walk a little bit, though this time he headed towards the school building. He had a feeling where this was going, and he couldn't risk it in the school parking lot. "Thought id come see you after how hard you worked all summer, glad I did."

You hummed, appreciative at the slight praise, leaning your chin on his shoulder. You breathed in his scent, and you couldn't help but squirm. Something about the way he smelled had always turned you on, and god, you were already turned on enough by him as it was. You wondered if he knew that, he always seemed to know, he could read your body like it was his favorite book. He squeezed your thighs, a silent warning to stop moving, the small action, the feel of the his large, rough hands on your bare skin cause a small whimper to escape your lips, right near his ear.

You felt him stiffen beneath you, his stride stuttering for the briefest second before continuing. "Are you such a fucking cock whore that you're needy for me in the middle of your halftime show? At your fucking school no less?" He asks quietly, his voice gruff. He knew you, he knew by the way you were staring at him in the bleachers, and he knew by the way you hummed at his praise, he knew that you fucking wanted him. And as he'd been learning since just a few weeks after your eighteenth birthday last Christmas, always at the most inappropriate times. Almost a whole year and he still couldn't get his fill of you, nor you him it always seemed. He wondered if he ought to do something special for you sometime..

You groan at his words, and as he swung open the side door of the school, near the locker rooms and a few classrooms, you felt yourself grow wetter. You knew, that per usual, you were about to get exactly what you wanted from your chief, and you couldn't fucking wait. Suddenly you felt a sharp sting on the bottom of your thigh, and you yiped. He had smacked it. "Answer me, babygirl, use your fucking words or ill take you right back out to that field, horny and frustrated and ill leave you like that until i decide you're worthy of the pleasure you want from me." He knew just what to say to get you going, just the right words to use, and just the right tone of voice.

You whimper at his voice, his words just barely echoing in the dark, empty halls of your school. "Yes, Jim," you groan out, trying not to grind against his back as you feel his muscles move underneath of you and his coat, giving you just the faintest hint of friction that you so desperately needed. "I'm such a needy fucking whore that I want you to fuck me dumb right here, in my school, during my show..please baby..please i need you.." you practically begged, your voice dripping with the want of your arousal.

As usual, hopper can't help but give in. He finds a classroom with the least amount of windows, facing away from the parking lots and the fields..dark, and once he gets the door open, he drops you from his back, pushing you in before closing the door.

His coat is off in an instant, dropped to the ground as he stalks towards you, trapping your short, curvy frame between him and the teachers desk with his large, muscular arms. You stared up at him, eyes wide and innocent looking, though he knew you of all people were the farthest thing from it.

He grabbed your face in one of his hands, the other sliding all the way down to your short skirted ass to grab a handful of the meaty flesh it was trying so desperately to adorn, as he pulled you in for a rough, heated kiss. You groaned, the stubble of his beard and mustache tickling your face, making you ache to feel it between your thighs, though you knew you didn't have time for that.

You reach down, your hands fumbling with the button of his jeans before you finally get it, unzipping and pushing the tight fabric down his thick, muscular thighs. You brushed your hand against his already raging hard on, your fingers hooking in the waist band of his underwear to push them down, sinking down to your knees with them. Or trying to anyway, Jim's hand goes straight to your neck, wrapping around it gently, but firmly as he pulls you right back up, damn near making you cream your self at the action.

You see him shake his head in the pale light the moon provides, and you pout. "No time, baby," He says, patting the desk behind you. "Ass up here," He says, hand still in your throat, ensuring you do as you're told. Immediately his hands move your cheer panties to the side, the thick material soaking wet with your arousal. "Oh fuck baby.." He groans, feeling how wet you were with just a brush of his fingertips. "Already dripping fucking wet for me, huh?" He says, voice low and husky, just the way you like it. He doesnt you the time to answer, you feel the tip of his cock rubbing up and down your soft, wet cunt, coating himself in you. You moan at the feel of it, bucking your hips up just ever so slightly, inviting him in to you like the greedy, cock hungry whore you were for him.

You didn't have to wait much longer because before you knew it, you felt yourself stretching around his long, thick cock, taking it all in inch, by fucking inch until you swallowed it up whole. You couldnt help but clench around him, keeping him in place for a moment, with a quick squeeze of your throat, you let him go. Without warning he he pulls almost all the way out of you, before giving a strong, sharp thrust back in. You gasp, your eyes closing and your legs spreading wider to take him. "Oh fuck, baby.." You whimper as he does once more, twice more..

You feel his hand tighten and a low guttural sound escape him, and fuck it just sounds so good that you feel yourself start to drip down his balls from how fucking turned on you were by him in that moment.

"Always so fuckin' needy, babygirl." He grunts out, feeling you drip down him, hearing his skin slap against your own. He grips your hip almost meanly, using it to hold you in place, his fingers digging into you in such a way that he knows he's leaving bruised in your perfect skin. "Always take me so fucking good while I fuck you silly, don't you?" He coos, looking down at you. He keeps a steady, unforgiving pace and he knows he must be hitting every fucking spot inside of you because you can't even form sentences for him right now, just a string of grunts and half thought words as your thighs tighten around his waist, holding him there.

"Such a needy fucking cock whore, always wanting me when you can't fucking have me.." He continues to grunt, his eyes never leaving your face. He feels you start to spasm around him, and fuck that almost sends him over the edge because even in the dark you look like a fucking goddess having the brain fucked out of you underneath of him like this. "Always wanting me in places where everyone will know..you want all of those silly boys to know that only a real man knows how to fuck you right? Hm? Is that it?"

Another few moments and you're coming unraveled beneath him, coming so hard that he feels you vibrating under him, but he's not done, not yet. "Good fucking girl, getting so drunk on my fucking cock.." He says, praising you in all the ways he knew you liked. "You look so fucking gorgeous coming undone under me like that..fuck, I want to see it one more time baby..ready?" Before you can answer, hell, before you can even start to see straight again, he starts moving inside of you again, the same pace as before. Your already overstimulated pussy practically begs him to stop, but god, it still swallows him up so well that he can't bring himself to.

"Holy fuck, Jim.." You manage to spit out, your head rolling back, but your eyes never leaving him. "Oh fuck baby you feel so fucking good, i love it when you feed my greedy pussy every fucking inch of you.." You spit out despite the hand that's back around youer throat. His hand is at the top of your throat, thumb and fingers digging into your face as he drags your head up to his, sitting you up in more of a way that gives him better access to you. He kisses you deeply, the action muffling the small scream of pleasure that comes from you as he manages to hit your sweet spot every single time now, turning you back into a dumb babbling mess almost immediately. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck..' You groan out, feeling your second orgasm start to hit you like nothing you've ever felt before. "Ohmygodohmygod.." You managed to squeak out, feeling the overwhelming orgasm actually splash out of you, squirting all over the both of you.

"Holy fucking shit babygirl.." Jim grunts out, looking down between you both. That was probably the hottest thing you'd ever fucking done on him. "Oh fuck..shit..im gonna fill that needy pussy up so fucking good baby, and then im gonna take you home and we're gonna fuck until i make you do that again.." He grunts, feeling himself start to follow you over the proverbial edge. "Fucking hottest shit I've ever seen you do, such a fucking whore for me that you actually squirted.."

You groan loudly, overstimulated, over fucked, and excited by the sheer fact that he had pretty much just promised to fuck you into oblivion once he got you into his bed tonight. "Fucking hell baby, please fill me up, please jim i want your cum so fucking bad baby please let me feel it all...fucking over me..just like that baby.." You groan out, damn near coming a third time. You felt him come so hard that it hit your walls and immediately started falling out of you with him still in you, still going.

After a few more moments, he stills, panting as he leans over you, bringing your mouth to his in a sloppy, passionate kiss. God, you fucking loved him.

He starts to chuckle as he leans his head against yours. "Holy fuck, babygirl..you're so doing that again for me tonight.." He says, pulling his pants back up before helping you stand, only to have to carry you on his back again when he realized how weak your legs were.

"Fuck, Hop..that was...fucking intense.." You manage to get out, not even arguing as he places you into his truck. You really hoped Susie was smart enough to realize where you were and to cover for you with your parents if they asked, because you knew there was no way in hell you were going home to yours tonight.

#jim hopper smut #chief hopper smut #hopper #stranger things smut #stranger things #david harbour #david harbour smut

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buttercupsbitch · 3 years

Text

im finally watching under the red hood (ik a jason stan who hasnt seen it, blasaphemous) and holy shit. Ive got so much to say abt this.

Firstly, the line "tell the big man i said hello" is both horrible and amazing. Joker planted the bomb. he knew jason was not leaving that place. He was telling jason to say hi to god.

on that note, joker comparing him to dick? awful. not only did bruce do it, but others too?

dick/nightwing is so funny??? i love it honestly

the idea that joker was innocent before batman caused his insanity just adds a whole new layer to jason using the name, red hood. both of his biggest regrets under the same name? 10/10

batman beating joker to the point hes in a body cast for six months over jason?? good. shouldve killed him.

dick being shocked that bruce thanked him is very sad??

i love little jason and his quips. its so cute and totally doesnt make me wonder if he was doing all the showy flips and lines to mimic dick bc he thinks thats the robin bruce wants

the way bruce puts the pieces together, i lowkey hope it hurt him to even think about it

jason said "these hands rated pg-17. gotta be an adult"

JASON SAYING "YOU HEARD WRONG" abt them saying he uses his power to kill for money bc REALLY HES PROTECTING KIDS

"What took you so long?" "Shut up and fight"

"I missed watching you work" man was not even trying to hide his identity was he

He pushed him out of the fucking way.

"be glad i only killed one" yessir. god i adore it here.

i love jensen ackles all the time but him as my favorite adoptive trauma buddy is the best thing ever. the quips yall.

maybe its my trauma but i like that bruce is blaming himself.

the amount of fucks that joker had in black mask scene is hilarious and very relatable. "not these guys. cause well. theyre kinda dead"

ive been saying ra's wrong. i thought it was pronounced Rays not raysh.

im glad that ra's feels bad. good. fuck you too.

also 10/10 for Talia. bc shes hot af in this movie, would watch anything that had her starring in this art style.

jason absolutely going ham on the league after they resurrect him is very on brand honestly.

BRUCE JUST LEAVNG WHILE RA'S IS TALKING FUCKING GOLD ok

"his life and his death are my greatest failures" good. feel bad you shit show. on that note, when he says life, im assuming he meant the way he treated him not yk actually regretting his life.

my partner. 10/10 my soldier 0/10

"MOTORCYLE FETISH" i love that so much. never heard anything better.

jason is legitimately so smart ok. the whole plan.

what is joker's obsession with slumber parties?

"something you helped make" i love it so much.

i hate that he was right that bruce would come save joker.

"crap." the deadman expression ik that man was wearing under that awful mask.

"what bothers you more? that your greatest failure has returned from the grave?" he thinks that he is the greatest failure when really its his death. awful.

"antiquated sense of morality" agreed. fuck him.

"i thought id be the last person you would let him hurt." how much more can you hurt me?

i hate that the reasoning behind keeping joker alive is actually just his own moral dilemma, no matter how much he says it isnt.

jason just wanted bruce to pick him one time. that was it.

becoming a child soldier was the best day of his life. let that sink in.

why do we never get to see adult jason's face? unfair.

#bruce wayne #jason todd #batman under the red hood #batman #batfam #dick grayson #alfred is the only valid one #fuck joker

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actualbird · 3 years

Note

Oh god!

I really love the poly headcanons they are so sweet.... (or don't but that's part of it and i think the tot boys+MC deserve all the love the world has to give).

But, liking it or not, our 4 beloved boys are kinda complicated (that's what makes them perfect). Plus I never thought about how people get in poly relationships. So i was thinking, how do you think they all get into a polyrelationship together?

(I really have no idea of how that would happen)

hi, two anons!! im glad you guys liked my nxx team polycule stuff!! i'll answer these in one go, my "headcanon" (in quotes because i think this kinda turned into a character analysis/minific of sorts HAHA) being what first anon asked, How They Get Together.

heads up, wc of this is 1.9k words long so buckle up for a bit of a read jfsjdfkjbf

because first anon, youre right!!! the boys are stupendously complicated which i love so so much but canon has also shown us clearly that each of the boys' quirks and habits and tendencies causes a lot of (mostly played for laughs) friction. the bickering, the backhanded insults, the "im the best one here" preening contests. theyre all SOOOO RIDICULOUS and it is hilarious but yep! the boys r complex!! and that means this beautiful ship, imo, has a lot of phases to get to the actual romantic relationship bit.

how they get together, in my opinion, starts because of mc.

not in the sense that she matchmakes them all, but like.

phase 1 of the nxx team polycule is this:

through being in love with her (which we all know the boys 100% are), each of the boys come to terms with their own flaws and weaknesses. it's very apparent to me in all the story thus far that these boys are flawed as hell, it's very compelling but even more compelling to me is how all of them also do intense mental gymnastics to Not Confront Those Flaws. like, marius is a dickbag always teasing and toeing the line of insincerity, vyn is a controlling mf who always tries to sway situations to his benefit, artem is so repressed to the point that he has genuine trouble with emotions, luke is a self sacrificial bastard and also a huge hypocrite about how no, actually, hes the only one that should be hiding his pain and being dishonest, no dishonesty from other people!! in the beginning of the story, all the boys have their flaws and seem to have just kinda...not addressed how those flaws are harming them and the people around them.

and then mc rolls around and they all fall in love with her. and she sees those flaws and she doesnt let them slide. she challenges the boys in her own ways to see another side of the situation, to acknowledge what theyre doing. she doesnt want to get rid of flaws, thats impossible and also not cool. she just has this beautiful hope for like, all of humanity, that goodness can prevail with the right work. so when she sees her beloved nxx boys, she believes that for them as well.

which leads to phase 2 of the nxx team polycule:

the boys, more aware of themselves, become more aware of each other.

they werent Unaware of the others of course. it's just that they didnt like...truly connect on a personal level just yet. they saw the other teammembers with their emotional armor and flaws and saw a wall that wasnt worth looking past.

but after mc makes them realize that hey, flaws arent the end of the world actually, it's alright and the person behind them may just be worth it, the boys like. end up understanding the others. A LOT OF THIS BIT IS UNINTENTIONAL, ON THEIR PARTS KJDSBFS. like they stumble into understanding each other by accident, they didnt plan it, but over the course of nxx investigations, it's inevitable that they end up seeing the depths of the others. i delve into this a little bit in my fanfic "filler eps of the lost gold" where the boys are just going thru their actions and then trip over another boy's fears or desires and through that, gain a deeper understanding mutually.

and with understanding, sometimes, comes trust.

phase 3 of the nxx team polycule goes like this:

everybody in this team, whether they like it or not, whether they know it or not, has a heart that wants to give love so desperately.

marius lives in a world full of snakes so he cant have his heart on his sleeve for his own protection. vyn wants to be seen as perfect and the heart is inherently messy so he holds it back. artem for a very very long time was focused on work and success and achievement that he neglected his heart. and luke has been giving love all his life in a sense but in a way thats hidden.

all these tendencies that are brought upon their life circumstances results in this: they want to love honestly but they havent been able to do this

until mc. and all of them want to push back whatever fears or patterns their life has instilled in them because they see her and see somebody so unwaveringly good that all their hearts begin giving love to her to make her happy and to make themselves happy as well.

but heres the thing. the boys dont just see mc. by this point, they have connected and understood and come to trust each other as well, and the consequence of that is that They Can See Each Other Now Too, Truly.

and heres the thing. all of the boys are unwaveringly good as well.

one by one, each of the boys realize that what they feel for the other boys in the team starts to...change. yeah theyre all friends, they pick on each other a lot of the time, but the bedrock of the relationship is solid and strong now. but when marius is with luke, marius sees a light inside of luke so bright that he seems unaware that he gives off. when artem is with vyn, artem sees a goodness inside of vyn that hesitates to make itself obvious and known because vyn is scared of getting hurt thanks to it. all of them see the other and their goodness and, unbidden, their hearts want to give love to each other as well.

and because theyre all a bit stupid in their own way theyre like, huh, weird! wonder why this feeling is so familiar! and yet i cant seem to name it...and then they all independently compare these feeling with the feelings they have for mc, a feeling they do know the name of, and theyre like.

WAIT.

THESE FEELINGS ARE...VERY BASICALLY EXACTLY WHAT I FEEL FOR MC.

which only means one thing: theyve fallen in love with everybody else

marius: //goes to his studio to Think and sees that a bunch of his recent art actually had little crumbs of these feelings already, etched into the brushstrokes and scenes. has an emotional crisis about it

vyn: //records a 1 hour long entry in his audio diary to examine and gain control of his feelings but by the end of the hour all he knows is that he wants to hold these people and be held by them

artem: //quite literally just bluescreens, artem.exe has stopped working, sits at his study and slowly, slowly, thunks his head down onto his desk, valiantly trying to ignore the fast pulse of his heart

luke: //manically vents about it to peanut who, by virtue of being a bird, doesnt get it. just keeps talking at peanut to get a grasp of it all and then lies down on the floor, overwhelmed

mc, sitting in her apartment watching some netflix: ...why do i inexplicably feel as if something very, very important has just happened?

phase 4 of the nxx team polycule is basically:

pining: extreme difficulty level

because pining is already hard when ur pining for one person. what more for an additional 3 more people. and those additional 3 more people are pining back.

and all these boys are SOOOO OBVIOUS with their romantic feelings, in their own special way. the way they show their affection to mc starts to bleed into their interactions with the others and everybody can CLEARLY SEE WHAT IS GOING ON, LOL, but also all the boys are too chickenshit to confront it, because if they confront it, what will even happen??? being in love with each other, all of them, thats going to be such a complicated fucking relationship, holy shit. it's 2030, yeah, being a polyamorous group relationship isnt completely unheard of, but sue them, theyre scared.

but mc (who i forgot to mention already knows of the boys' romantic feelings for her, shes just hasnt made a move yet on any of them because SHES IN LOVE WITH ALL OF THEM AS WELL and shes been trying to figure out how the hell to make that work, she cant bear to choose just one of them, she'd be heartbroken over leaving the rest of them behind) sees that the nxx investigation team is now all pining for each other FULLY and she kinda wants to laugh when she realizes whats going on because like, what are the chances? that this would happen? that they all found each other and their feelings fell into just the right place for nobody to be left behind?

theyre all scared, she can tell. and she is as well, she wont lie.

but shes always had a belief that goodness can prevail with the right work.

and love is one of the greatest goods out there.

phase 5 of the nxx team polycule:

It's Time For Communication, Baby!!!!!

the exact scenes of how this happens is a bit vague to me. it could go two ways: mc going to each of the boys independently to talk about feelings, hers about everybodys and his about everybodys as well. OR they have a fucking meeting about it all together and artem literally schedules it in his google calendar, or something.

either way, they like, actually talk about this. starts casual, maybe over a chill date, maybe over dinner at a nice restaurant, maybe over a walk in the park as the sun is starting to set. but where ever it happens, the end result is the same: a heart is laid out bare and it is taken in gentle, grateful hands.

marius: OKAY, NOW THAT THE FEELINGS ARE OUT OF THE WAY, CAN I PLEASE KISS ONE OR ALL OF YOU, PLEASE, IVE BEEN WANTING TO KISS U GUYS FOR FOREVER

vyn, laughing fondly: has anybody ever told you patience is a virtue? we quite literally just talked it all out.

marius: //needy whining noises

artem, embarrassed: ive...never kissed anybody before

luke, embarrassed but trying to play it Cool: ....same here

mc: kissing is great, you two will love it!

marius: awesome, awesome, so is ANYBODY going to give me a go ahead or WHAT????

phase 6 of the nxx team polycule:

i dont want to say it's happily ever after, once they all get together. thats not really realistic.

they all have their quirks and tendencies and habits. and those will inevitable clash against each other. theyll have their arguments, theyll get upset, theyll sulk and be angry, sometimes. but also...

theyll see each other smile and feel like their love shining so brightly. theyll reach out for another's hand and be held in such a way that makes them think that their heart is in a safe place. theyll love each other and theyll put in the work to continue loving each other. because goodness will prevail.

and they all see each other as the most good people in the world.

so whatever happens, theyll get through it together.

#tears of themis #vyn richter #marius von hagen #tears of themis rosa #artem wing

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pseudophan · 4 years

Note

catch me crying at hannibal season 2 finale. everythings suddenly made clear and its so fuckin heartbreaking

ok hannibal 2x13 spoilers here so if you’re one of the people currently watching and dont wanna be spoiled don’t click the read more cause i HAVE to rant about that goddamn fucking episode

first of all. hannibal smelling freddie on will and realising he’s been manipulating him this whole time is genuinely the most upsetting shit ive ever seen in my life. he really truly believed will was gonna run away with him, to quote mads he was “blinded by love” and his face when all of that falls apart is so. he barely reacts and yet he conveys SO much. and i HAAATEEEE ITTTT. and then will calling hannibal to warn him, deciding last minute that he can’t set him up but its too late and hannibal is so hurt and of course he’s not just gonna leave without being a dramatic bitch about it and then the fight scene with him and jack is obviously SO fucking good but then... jesus fucking christ. listen. listen. when i say That Scene in mizumono is my favourite scene of anything ever i mean it wholeheartedly, yet its also the worst thing ive ever seen in my entire life. ok so im assuming if you’re reading this you’ve either seen the show or you don’t care about spoilers so im just gonna put the video here so people can watch it and and relive the pain

youtube

THIS SHIT.....IS SO....... i sincerely do not know who i feel the most sorry for. ok well sorry for is obviously abigail cause its hard to pity those other two fucks but hell if i dont feel bad as fuck for them both.

their entire relationship is based on a mutual fascination by and understanding of each other. it starts out with hannibal immediately being intrigued by will because to him will graham is essentially the greatest christmas present in the world. the psychiatrist part of him sees the way his mind works and naturally wants to study it further, meanwhile the Dark And Twisted Cycle Path side of him sees...well the same thing really but with an added element of hm. this man’s entire Deal is empathising with serial killers and holy shit wait im one of those oh this is gonna be so fun. oh wait he....he truly understands these killers....haha would he be able to- lol no he wont be able to understand me surely- and then at the end of the first episode he sees will emptying his gun into garrett jacob hobbs and he sees the look on his face and oh there’s so much potential. and naturally he starts being a real dick about it all and completely betrays will’s trust in every way imaginable and will is so so hurt by it and so naturally by the time he betrays hannibal part of you as the viewer is like well yeah, obviously, of course that’s what he’s doing. fair is fair. but then at the same time...

and will has those same doubts, and he’s realising that for all the hurt hannibal has caused him he’s also helped will understand himself a whole lot better, and while he doesn’t have the complete lack of conscience hannibal does he’s not exactly adversed to killing either, if it’s the right person. and maybe... maybe running away with hannibal wouldn’t be so bad... yeah maybe he should just- but then he remembers abigail. and he can’t get over that just yet. i truly believe if hannibal hadn’t “killed” abigail will would have given in sooner. but even then, he ends up warning hannibal that he’s given him up and that the fbi are coming and he goes to his house and oh my god there’s abigail. and im just imagining... the range of emotions he felt... when he saw her.... betrayal and hurt again sure because hannibal lied to him once more, but also holy fuck there goes most of his apprehension for running away with him and oh my god what has he done. and then he turns to see hannibal and THEEE HURRRRTTTTT IN HIS FACEEE.

and then he stabs him and off he goes on his fucking speech and i think part of why it’s so effective is that up until then we only ever see slight glimpses of genuine emotion of any sort from hannibal and all of a sudden we get everything all at once and god it’s so much. for the first time in his life someone had the ability and want to truly understand him, something he’d long since given up on if he ever as much as tried (same goes for will, though he doesn’t have the added bonus of an extremely illegal hobby) and even more than that there is someone HE is that interested in? literally the only other person hannibal has genuinely loved up until that point was his sister and even then he was so young and suddenly here’s this guy who ticks just all the right boxes and for a second, just for a second, hannibal allowed himself to be seen and to believe he may have found genuine connection. and he had, technically, it just happened to be more brief than he would like

also hey, here to make it so much fucking worse: mads mikkelsen!

hey fuck you dude! what the fuck 😃

also this that tumblr user linpatootie wrote in their recap of the 2015 red dragon con

the idea of hannibal feeling Extra Betrayed because he realised will didn't even realise he loved him makes me want to FUCKING DIE

ok i gotta stop this none of this made any points forget i said anything i hate hannibal

#answered

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sgtbradfords · 4 years

Note

Chenford prompt

"Why now?"

Thank you so much for the prompt! I hope you’re ready from some angst with a side of feels. :) Enjoy!

Lucy Chen sat on the bench seat of the speeding vehicle, barely passing a glance at the paramedic that occupied the captain’s chair, relaying important vitals to Shaw Memorial. She could feel her body shaking with the adrenaline and fear coursing through her veins. The shaky voice of the man that was currently laying on the gurney beside her, was still echoing through her skull as his voice came over the radio, speaking the words that no officer ever wanted to hear.

The large hand she held with her smaller one gripping just a little tighter, ‘damn him.’ She thought, glancing once again at the injury to his abdomen before landing on his face. His eyes were closed, flinching in pain when the stretcher he was laying on was jostled, a nasal cannula in his nose provided extra oxygen as the paramedic checked the flow of the IV bag hanging from the roof of the moving vehicle.

Lucy closed her eyes, taking a deep breath.

“I’m going to be fine boot.”

Lucy opened her eyes, snorting. “That’s what you said last time Tim.”

“And I was,” He grimaced, taking as deep breath of air as he could. “fine.”

Lucy looked on worriedly, before glancing up at the paramedic. “How far out are we?”

“Should be there in less than five.”

“How bad is it?” she asked for confirmation.

“Lucy-“ Tim began protesting.

“No Bradford. How bad?” she asked again more forcefully.

“A few broken ribs from the hit his vest took, another bullet is lodged in his abdomen but until they get him stable and can take a look inside, we won’t know.”

“I feel like my innards have been to a barn dance.” Tim mumbled, closing his eyes.

Lucy looked at him in shock. “Did you just quote Star Trek? Nerd.”

Tim opened his mouth to deny the claim as the vehicle hit a bump in the road. “Holy shit.” He cursed opening his eyes, gritting his teeth. “I’m not a nerd.”

Lucy rolled her eyes, mumbling the word under her breath as Tim glared at her. And in that moment, the worst possible moment, Tim knew. The lights of the cab shining down, her hair falling out of its immaculate bun, blood on her hand and her uniform disheveled, he knew. And this newfound knowledge was something he knew he should keep to himself, at least for a while longer, but maybe it was the pain meds finally coursing through his system that gave him the idea of there is no time like now or it could have been the thought of better late than never.

“I know this isn’t the best timing but,” Tim turned his head, licking his lips as he looked up at the woman clutching his hand. “I love you.”

Lucy sucked in a breath, her eyes growing wide at his words. “What?”

“I’m in love with you.” He declared once again, gasping in pain. ‘Ok, not the pain meds.’

“You ass.” She seethed.

“What?” He asked, giving her a look of surprise.

“You’re an asshole Tim Bradford.”

“Why? Because I’m telling you that I lo-“

“Why now?” she interrupted.

“What?”

“Why are you telling me this now?” She asked, letting go of his hand. “We’re in the back of a fucking speeding ambulance Tim.”

“Yeah well,” he grunted as the speeding vehicle hit a large pothole in the pavement. “I’ve never had the greatest of timing.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Lucy told him, her voice angry “You’ve been shot, yet again and you think that now is the best time to tell- to tell me you-.”

“We’re here.” The paramedic told them awkwardly, moving the hanging IV’s down to the stretcher as the ambulance backed into the bay.

“You’re a jackass Tim.” She told him as the back doors opened, stepping out.

“Lucy wait.” He said attempting to sit up, his right hand reaching out for her as he grimaced once again in pain.

“Fuck off Bradford.” Lucy said to him before turning and walking away.

“You really mess up man.” The paramedic told him as they unloaded him.

Tim ran a head over his face, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Shut up.”

Five hours later, Lucy was standing in front of a closed wooden door in the recovery wing. She stood there, wanting to go in, but was struggling with the internal battle to put her hand on the knob to turn the handle or get the hell out of there and never look back. She found herself to be a mess, her own stomach in knots at his declaration, her mind played on repeat as she analyzed every word and every detail.

Suddenly, the door opened, jolting Lucy out of her thoughts.

“Are you going to stand there all night or are you going to come in?”

“I-“ she stuttered. “Should you even be out of bed?” she asked worriedly as she quickly followed him into the room.

“Relax boot, I’m fine.” He told her placing his IV pole back at his bedside as he sat down onto the bed.

“So you keep telling me, but you being in a hospital says otherwise.”

Tim rolled his eyes, covering his body back up with the thin hospital blanket. “They’re releasing me tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow? You were shot!”

“I wish they would release me today.” He grumbled.

“You’re not signing a AMA Bradford.”

“I know this Chen.” He glared. “They removed the bullet inside me, said it didn’t hit anything vital and sewed me up.”

“Didn’t hit anything vital?”

Tim shrugged. “Scar tissue. It wasn’t that deep.”

Lucy fell back into the vinyl chair next to the bed as she held Tim’s stare.

“Why did you- what the fuck Tim?” she asked him, looking away. Lucy had spent the past few hours back on the job, needing to stay busy so she didn’t think about that. It didn’t work. On the drive to the hospital, (she was able to hitch a ride back to the precinct earlier with Jackson who followed them in) she worked on planning her speech out, knowing exactly what she wanted to say but as she now stared at him, all her previous planned thoughts flew out the window.

“In hindsight I know that wasn’t the best way to tell you, but seeing you sitting there, you just looked so…” he told her, his words trailing off. “beautiful.”

Lucy raised an eyebrow. “Are they sure you didn’t hit the ground with that thick head of yours?”

“No Chen, I do not have a concussion.” He said exasperatedly.

“Just checking.” She raised her hands in defense. “I’m sorry for leaving like that, but that was a bombshell you just dropped and I-“ she stopped, taking a deep breath. “Did Angela come by? They caught the girl that shot you.”

“She told me when she dropped by earlier.”

“Good. Good.” Lucy told him as she nervously twiddled her thumbs. “Tim I- I’m not sure what to say, I have feelings for you, strong feelings. Is it something more? I honestly can’t tell you. But maybe…” she sighed. “we could see where it- this, goes.”

Tim gave her the softest of smiles. “I would like that.”

Lucy returned a soft smile of her own, “So, what was it like to be shot for the sixth time? Do you get some kind of trophy now?”

Tim shook his head as he gingerly rolled over onto his side towards her, extending his right hand for her to take, her small hand wrapped in his. “I hope you never have to join this club boot.”

“I think I’ll leave that to you but Tim? Let’s not go for seven, ok?”

Tim smiled as he whispered. “Deal.”

#tim bradford x lucy chen #the rookie fic #chenford fanfic #chenford fic #chenford #fanfic

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starryknight09 · 4 years

Text

Friendly Fire

Febuwhump Day 4: impaling

Read on AO3.

________________________________________________________

Peter dodged the drone that tried to ram into him and kicked it as it passed by. It fell to the ground in a clump of metal. These things terrorizing Manhattan weren’t hard to destroy but there were so many of them the sky practically looked black. It was the Avengers first mission since they’d defeated Thanos after Captain Marvel had snapped the gauntlet. It was too bad she’d disappeared back into space a few weeks ago because they could really use her right about now.

Peter swung closer to the main battle where most of the drones seemed to be amassed. He shot out a taser web along the way taking down another five drones that were crowded too close together.

“Nice shot kid.” Tony said as he flew by.

“Thanks Mr. Stark.” He grinned under the mask and shot out another web at a drone that had ventured too close. “Is it just me or does it seem like we’re not even making a dent in these guys?”

“According to FRIDAY we’ve taken out about ten percent of them.”

“Wonderful.” Clint complained over the comms. “So at the rate we’re going, we’ll have these things cleaned up by tomorrow morning.”

He wasn’t wrong. They’d been at it for almost an hour now and the sun was about to set.

“Anyone have any bright ideas?” Rhodey asked.

“We could really use Thor right about now.” Clint said.

“Yeah well point break’s off philandering with Quill and his merry men, so we’re going to have to make due.” Tony said.

“It’s too bad we can’t just EMP them.” Peter said, all his skills being tested as he dodged drones, webbing up as many as he could and striking any that got too close.

“We’d have to take out a significant portion of New York's power, and mine and Rhodey’s suits, for that to work, so let’s try to avoid that.” Tony sniped.

“Guess we’ll have to do this the hard way then.” Clint said. Peter briefly caught sight of the archer on the top of nearby rooftop as he swung past.

To be fair, there was a lot going on, so what happened next wasn’t completely Clint’s fault. Or Peter’s.

A handful of drones attacked him simultaneously, and they were too close to use his webs. He landed a hard hit on one, but when he did, he got too close to another one and his spidey sense flared as it shot its lasers at him. He yanked hard on his web to dodge out of the way and narrowly avoided getting hit, but the moment he moved his spidey sense wailed at him. Before he could figure out why, his leg jerked. What?

“Oh shit.” Clint swore and a second later the pain hit him. His leg felt like it was on fire. He looked down at it and it took a moment for his brain to process what his eyes were seeing. One of Clint’s arrows had speared through the fleshy part of his calf.

Oh. Ow. Ow ow ow. The shock and the pain of it had distracted him enough that he’d forgotten to throw another web out to stay in the air, so now he was falling on top of bleeding. He managed to focus and fire a web onto a building, just in time to slow his descent so he skimmed across the ground and landed on his good leg without hurting himself any further. He slowly crumpled to the concrete, staring at his skewered leg stretched out in front of him. Blood leaked out and stained the pavement. The sight made him dizzy. Luckily, none of the drones seemed to have followed him.

“Uh, anyone got eyes on the kid?” Clint asked over the comms. Peter knew he’d fallen out of the archer’s line of sight.

“Why?” Tony asked immediately, and Peter could sense his tension.

“He might’ve, sort of, just a little bit, gotten in the way of one of my arrows.”

“What? You shot him?” Tony yelled.

“It was an accident!”

“Where is he? Peter!”

Oh right. He could talk. “I know how a shish kabob feels now.” He groaned. “Can’t say I’d recommend it.”

“Where are you?” Tony asked, panicking. “Never mind. I see you.”

Ironman flew toward him and landed with a clang. The helmet retracted and Peter could see the man’s eyes widen as he took him in.

“It’s not that bad.” Peter tried to reassure him.

“Not that bad. We need to work on your definition of those words. You’ve been impaled.” Tony said, crouching down to get a closer look at his leg.

“It’s just a flesh wound.” Peter said and let out a hysterical laugh. He couldn’t help it.

“Not funny.” Tony had gotten touchy about him getting hurt ever since he’d come back from the snap.

“No but seriously, it’s just the fleshy part. I think if you just pull it out it’ll be fine.”

“Pull it—” Tony stopped and took a deep breath. “You never pull it out. If you ever get stabbed or skewered or whatever you leave it in. Capiche?”

Peter nodded.

“And you’re supposed to be a genius…” Tony muttered to himself and then the next moment the helmet of his armor formed back into place. “Try to hold still kid.”

Peter frowned. “I thought we weren’t taking it out.”

“I’m not.” Tony said and one of the fingers on his armor uncapped and Tony aimed it at the arrow. A focused laser shot out of the finger and sliced off one side of the arrow, near enough to his skin that Peter felt the heat, but it didn’t burn. Tony repeated the same process on the other side so now only about an inch of arrow shaft stuck out on each side of his calf. For just hitting his leg it sure was bleeding pretty profusely. The puddle of blood under his leg had been slowly expanding. Looking at it made him feel a little ill.

Tony seemed to notice the same thing in the next moment. “Let’s get you out of here kid.” Before Peter could protest, Tony had lifted him up in his arms and taken off.

“What about the fight?” Peter asked, starting to feel lightheaded. They’d barely been winning before and now they were losing Spiderman and Ironman.

“Don’t worry about it. They’ll be fine.” Tony answered, sounding distracted.

Peter wasn’t sure he believed him, but he didn’t have the energy to argue. He closed his eyes.

“Stay awake Pete.”

“I’m awake.” He responded, opening his eyes with a reluctant sigh.

The rest of the flight passed in a pain filled blur. By the time they made it to the compound he wasn’t feeling the greatest, but he was still awake, and he wasn’t crying or screaming in pain even though he kind of wanted to. Every jostle had sent sparks of agony up his leg. Who knew how much an arrow wound hurt? He had a new respect for Hawkeye and his primary weapon of choice. He never wanted to end up on the wrong end of an arrow again.

“How are you doing?” Tony asked as he deposited him on the waiting gurney on the roof. Peter gave him a weak thumbs up and the man gently pulled off his mask before they started wheeling him to the elevator.

“Don’t worry. I’m going to kill birdbrain.” Tony growled.

“Don’t.” Peter said with a wave of his hand. “It was an accident.”

“He should’ve known better than to be shooting those things so close to you.”

Peter knew it wasn’t worth arguing over. Tony was acting like an angry dad, and when he got like that, nothing Peter said would change his mind. They descended and as soon as the elevator doors opened, they pushed him into the medbay, Tony following alongside the bed. Dr. Cho was already waiting at the exact spot where they stopped and locked the bed.

“I saw the scans from FRIDAY.” Dr. Cho said, more to Tony than him, as the medical personnel started helping him out of the suit. “It should be an easy enough fix. We’ll put him under to take the arrow out and stitch up the artery and everything else, but he should be back to normal in a day or two with his healing ability.

Tony let out a relieved sigh.

“You should go back and help.” Peter suggested once he knew the injury wasn’t too severe, even though he didn’t really want Tony to leave his side. He winced as they finished carefully peeling the suit away from the arrow, guiding the ends through the holes in the suit, but unable to keep from jostling it slightly.

“I’m staying.” Tony said, adamant.

“But—”

“They’ll be fine. Trust me.”

Peter acquiesced with a sigh, hoping Tony was right. He tried to ignore the flutter of motion around him as the medical people worked, attaching an IV and all the necessary wires to him.

“Hey Mr. Stark?” Peter prompted and Tony purposely didn’t acknowledge him as he continued to stare at a monitor over Peter’s head. Peter sighed. Right. He tried again. “Hey Tony?”

“Yes?” The man looked down at him with a smirk. Peter rolled his eyes. Ever since the snap, Tony had been relentless about Peter calling him Tony instead of Mr. Stark, and Peter had been working on it, but it was a work in progress.

“When I wake up will you watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail with me?”

Tony shook his head in consternation. “You’re a menace kid.”

Peter grinned. “Is that a yes?”

“We’ll see.”

“It’s a yes.” Peter said confidently. “Because you love me.”

Tony’s eyes softened almost imperceptibly but Peter noticed it. “Sure do.” He confirmed, something Peter was pretty sure the pre-snap Tony never would’ve admitted, especially around other people, but this Tony was different. He was softer, gentler, more willing to share his emotions and show affection. Peter was still trying to adjust.

Tony ruffled his hair. “But don’t tell anyone I said so. I’ve got a reputation to maintain.”

Peter snorted. Ok, maybe he hadn’t completely changed.

#febuwhump2021 #febuwhump #irondad

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ash-overthinking · 6 years

Text

Where You’ve Been (13RW, Zach&Alex missing scene)

Fandom:

13 Reasons Why (TV show)

Characters/Pairing:

Zach Dempsey & Alex Standall (canon compliant/pre-slash)

Summary:

-"I wanna talk to Alex. Okay, look, I brought him something." -"What? 'Oh happy birthday Alex, here's a photo book of you in a coma'?" -"He told you about that?"

Sometime in the days before Alex's birthday party, Zach finds him struggling, a little book of graphic pictures in his lap.

Tags of Consequence:

Missing scene; angst; references to canon suicide attempt and implied canon suicidality and depression; canon disabled character; pre-slash/gen.

Word Count:

2008

Read it on AO3

Alex wasn’t entirely sure what he’d been thinking asking for the pictures. Maybe it was about trying to fill in the gaps, to see matter within the spaces of blurring and blankness. There was something about knowing his body had been put through so much shit, tests and operations and stitches and more than he could even begin to keep in his head, and totally without him, that left horror like a rock growing into his stomach and ribs. So, he wanted to know. Alex kept thinking if he learned enough, maybe he could recover the map to how his pieces were meant to fit. Maybe he could feel like he belonged here, in this body and mind and life.

He hadn’t quite been glad Tyler took the pictures, really he didn’t care one way or the other, but- maybe he was kind of grateful?

At least the other boy didn’t try to argue with Alex about seeing them, about what he was and wasn’t ready for. He didn’t even question or dispute when Alex asked if he could get them printed, taking Alex’s fumbled preface about screen-time and migraines at face value. Alex really fucking liked that about Tyler.

Still. It probably wasn’t the healthiest choice?

The pictures were in a little book now, one of those old-school photo albums with fake leather and vinyl, unlabeled and with a dozen empty pages. Alex could fill the latter of his own accord if he wanted to see his progress like Tyler had suggested, to watch the ghastly scars fade and disappear under his hair. Like a baby book, he could note the stupid little milestones he’d had to reach all over- waking up like being reborn; his first word post-coma; lifting his fucking head; taking a goddamn step. There were probably pictures of it all, but Alex would sooner burn or bury them than arrange them in some pseudo triumphant order.

The graphic journey back to his body imbued Alex with more heartbreak and revulsion than the pictures of him in the coma ever did. Memories he had but didn’t necessarily want, all an ode to his greatest failing.

Most of the time he could try not to think about it. The moments of quiet devastation didn’t need talked about and there were even days he could appreciate things like second chances. If nothing else, he could distract himself with ways to be useful or at least become it. He gave himself wholly to that cause. If he was going to be here than he would damn well find a way to make the burden of his existence worth its while to all the people around him. Maybe eventually he could even believe himself that he was worth it.

So, sure, ignorance was the opposite of bliss; but maybe there was a difference between abstract knowing and staring his own near-death in its face.

All Alex knew was that the pictures drew him in, and in and in until he was locked inside a silence he couldn’t really breathe through, with all his senses disappearing.

How could he do this to himself? Why couldn’t he have done it right?

Hate surged like it always did, for this stupid fucking world with its stupid fucking people and its stupid fucking injustice and fucking him, Alex Standall, fuckup extraudinaire, at the boiling center. There were angry tears on his face and his bad hand curled around the photo album and his good hand in his hair, nails in his scalp just above the scar.

He heard the creak of the door too late.

“Hey- woah. Alex, what’s going on? What’s-” and Zach had cut himself off with a noise like nothing Alex had ever heard from him before as Alex’s stupid, broken grip tried to move to close the book and instead only managed to knock it from his lap so it landed, still open, inches from Zach’s feet.

Frustration and humiliation reared, and Alex didn’t mean to yell; but he did anyway, curses exploding from that ugly place inside his chest.

Zach didn’t respond, and the vitriol died about as quickly as it had come, even if the tears did not, still randomly tracking down his cheeks while he fought to focus on his friend. There would be time to dwell on all the ways he had ruined all the best things in his life later. For now, there was Zach.

How one guy could look both so steady and so shaken, Alex would never know.

“Alex, where the hell did you get this?” Zach asked finally.

The quiet anger in his voice promptly put Alex right back on the defensive.

“That’s not any any of your fucking business,” he heard himself snarl, the high pitch of a whine right beneath the words. Pathetic.

Alex thought, barely there, that lately he made Hannah sound downright chill and self assured, and the inherent snipe at his once best friend brought him right back to earth, his stomach cramping and churning.

How was it that someone like him had beaten the odds to live so many times in the last five months while someone like Hannah-

No. He couldn’t keep going there.

“Where the hell did you get these?” Zach asked roughly.

Alex sighed and adjusted himself to sit back against his pillows, looking at his friend directly.

“Can we not do this right now dude?”

“Uh, no. We can’t… not do this right now. Dude.”

Alex stared at him for a beat before succumbing to a tired snort of laughter. Zach huffed a little, the hint of a smile at the corner of one lip, but then it all faded away again. He bent to pick up the book with Alex watching carefully, his heart in his throat.

Zach leafed through a few pages, then closed it with a sharp exhale. Alex thought he saw a shiver go through his friend and dropped his eyes to his sweatpants, guilt ebbing back to him, the rush of cold into his veins like saline through an IV.

Zach paced for a minute then dropped restlessly onto the edge of Alex’s bed.

“Who the fuck-,” he paused, took a breath, started again. “How did you get these?”

“...I can’t tell you.”

Zach turned to face him and Alex met his eyes. He could feel his hand tremor on his leg, all his muscles reacting to the continued distress. His body was always betraying him.

“You really fucking can. Is this related to that target bullshit?”

“No,” Alex reassured him, calming a little more with the opportunity to tell a helpful truth. “I swear.”

“Yeah? How can you do that if you can’t tell me?”

Alex groaned and sagged back against his bed but kept his eyes sideways on Zach.

“If I do, you’ve got to be chill about it.”

“Nah. Can’t promise that,” Zach retorted.

Alex glared and Zach looked right back, determined, unaffected.

“Okay, well, you have to promise you won’t go after the person.”

Zach opened his mouth, very clearly to object, so Alex continued right along.

“Seriously. I’m a big boy, Dempsey. I asked for the pictures. It’s my own fault.”

Zach’s face twisted and smoothed back.

“It was fucking Tyler, right?”

Alex knew Zach well enough by now, if only just, to recognize the curl of his lip and tightening of his jaw. The darkness of his eyes. There was disgust, anger, frustration- and fear.

The last softened Alex’s resolve.

“He didn’t mean anything by it. I asked to see after he told me about taking them, man. I asked to see them, and I asked him to print them.”

Zach nodded, but he was clearly unmoved.

“I knew that creep was coming to the hospital so often for a reason. He’s not even your friend, Alex.”

“He kind of is.”

Zach snorted derisively and stood again, this time just standing over Alex in a way that made Alex want to roll his eyes, and also just stare up at him for awhile because holy shit, who gave him the right to look that much like a fucking tree?

“Alex, that creep is not your friend. A friend doesn’t take pictures of you when you’re inches from death. Especially without permission. And then, he just shows you? Gives you an album of prints?”

“I asked to see them,” Alex protested again, his voice starting to crack. “I asked for the prints.”

“And he gave them to you, man,” Zach said loudly. “The fact that he fucking took them in the first place…”

“Photography is just what Tyler does,” Alex rationalized back to him, but it sounded dumb and half-hearted now.

Zach stared at him, like he could hear in the words how Alex’s energy had fallen away, like he could see the whole heap of self-flagellation and emptiness Alex kept shoving back and throwing a blanket over as if to hide and disguise its shape. Alex wondered dimly how he could in turn almost see these things register with Zach, cut into him, and then disappear behind the wall he kept in his own mind.

“Man, screw that. It’s fucked up. These first ones, Alex? They’re from just a few days after. You were still bleeding. We still had no idea if you were going to die. You had machines helping you breathe. Even if you didn’t fucking die, the doctors kept saying that you might never wake up.”

“I know,” Alex told him lowly, eyes burning.

Zach shot him a wounded look then shook his head and turned away.

“And you’re still doing this to yourself? Alex, who does this help?”

“I don’t know, me?” tossed out. Nothing words. Empty sarcasm.

Zach’s scoff was like a weight on his chest. Alex wanted to scream, but he was so fucking drained already.

“Nobody wants to talk really. And nobody wants to tell me things. It’s like I’m still barely a person to everyone.”

Zach looked back at him, long and hard, and Alex’s good shoulder pulled up automatically, as though the defensive half-shrug could temper his words.

“Alex…” Zach blew out a hard breath. “You’re a person, okay?”

“I know.”

“Did looking at the pictures help?”

“I don't know,” Alex muttered. “Maybe.”

“It didn’t look like it,” Zach countered, his voice more gentle now.

“Yeah, well. That’s my own shit.”

“Right,” Zach said, “Sure.” But when Alex looked at him, his jaw was tight and working. “Maybe you want to keep your distance from him, though?”

Alex sighed.

“I’m not ditching Tyler, Zach. He was there for me a lot, too. Anyways, it’s not like we see each other that much. He’s busy a lot with that guy, Cyrus or whatever. And between school and PT and Jess and you and my five thousand other appointments…”

Zach smiled.

“We do keep you pretty busy. Speaking of which, I’m totally in for your birthday party.”

“Oh yeah? Those fuckheads you hang around are cool with that?”

Zach ignored the jibe and laid down flat on his back across Alex’s bed, the weight of his head on Alex’s fucked up knee heavy and warm and welcome.

“Don’t keep looking for things that will hurt you, okay?”

“I’m not,” Alex tried to say, but he wasn’t sure either of them could believe it.

“I mean it. You’re doing really great. You don’t want to screw over your progress for this shit that’s happening. Even if you think you do, the rest of us don’t, man. Just… take care of yourself.”

“I would if I could. Broken dick, remember?”

Zach laughed loudly.

“Fuck you, Standall. You know what I meant.”

“You know, that’s a good point,” Alex told him. “If I’m the one getting fucked, that’s actually still pretty doable.”

Zach shook his head, but he was grinning.

“You know, they said personality changes were to be expected after, but listen to you now. Same old Alex. Almost, anyway.”

“I guess,” Alex agreed, the cold in his chest again. “Almost.”

#13RW #13rw fanfiction #13 reasons why #13 reasons season 2 #alex standall #zach dempsey #zalex #ash writes stuff #tw: suicidality #tw: depression #canon disabled character #angst #lunalitsol #canon compliant

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thethirdwheel404 · 4 years

Text

Med Rewatch Series (#2)

\haha yeah I was totally planning on sleeping but I literally cannot think about anything else other than getting this idea out of my brain. so, we will try to get through the finale of s2: Love Hurts. please enjoy.

-okay so right off the bat before even starting the episode, i noted a few things. the episode description is “Robin experiences complications and a new face arrives at the hospital.” How fucking annoying that it’s the season finale and the entire episode is centered around connor? of course, at this point we don’t know that the ‘new face’ is his future love interest.

-also!!! the fact that ava is mentioned in the episode description of the season finale? That’s huge!

-the episode description makes it sound like nothing fucking happens in this episode.

-also i am extremely scared to start the ep bc i feel like it is going to through me straight back into the deep end and put me in a state of emotional shock.

-i will try to take very deep breaths before the episode starts. okay. here we go.

-does this episode open with robin being carted in on the ambo bc if this is the ep im thinking about, i remember appreciating how angsty this scene was

-i still remember charles yelling ‘2 of adavan!’

-okay hi sarah i really was not expecting to see you this soon

-oh wow. just. sarah calling shots in the ed. in control. you love to see it. also. im just now remembering how early in the ep we get to meet ava. i always remembered it as being at the very end but. i remember connor being distraught with his messy hair.

-also i’m highkey loving how out-of-control connor is rn

-reese. god i missed you so much.

-they counted again. love that.

-okay but like i have no analysis just every time sarah’s onscreen i just want to say ‘i love you’

- i have not heard sarah speak in a HOT SEC and god i forgot how deep her voice was and it is sending me (its not even that deep i just like, forgot.) It has been years and I honestly think i have forgotten who sarah really was. sad.

-like i don’t remember the last time i could describe her as in control but right now treating robin she’s calm (honestly bc she’s the only other shrink on the show, but HOLD ON WAIT DOESNT CHARLES GET SHOT AT THE END OF THIS EPISODE WHAT THE FUCK. reese has one moment. and then her and charles start bickering. i remember why i was so mad)

-i’m in love with her.

-i really have to sit through the next 40 mins of this and just everytime i see sarah going ‘i love her,’ and now you do too.

-oh my god CHARLES SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU CANNOT BLAME CONNOR FOR THIS

-also the reason i became disillusioned: dr charles just started being suuuuuper sus.

-i do love sarah. and honestly, connor, not my favorite, but this storyline really made me empathize with him. his girlfriend is having a psychotic break and people keep shitting on him. (maybe the reason i didn’t like ava at first. really kicked him while he was down)

-I... haha. sarah. hnghhh. you can guess the rest.

-if you were in this situation, with robin, would you be thinking like connor or would you be thinking like charles? personally- connor. Robin was fine. maybe a little impulsive to take her home, but charles was being suuuper overprotective (from what I remember).

-Charles: “This is on you. You did this.” I remember that line hitting really hard when I watched it the first time lmao damn.

-SARAH. HER EYES ARE RED. SHE’S SAD. SHE’S CRYING! COME ONNNN MEDDD YOU CANNOT DO THIS TO ME!!! (and I swallowed my water the wrong way which somehow triggered my gag reflex so now im crying too please god stop Im sorry what did I do)

-yay sarah. hey guys look at that. sarah gets to, like, do her job.

-ALSO I JUST REALIZED THAT S3 STILL SUCKS FOR SARAH BC OF HER INTENSE INTENSE PTSD??? LIKE SHE WHOLE ASS PEPPERSPRAYS HER PATIENT???

-also these are the clothes charles got shot in and honestly i’m not even mad. I’m mad that him getting shot put sarah through so much pain (i talked a lot about ava but y’all are really gonna see just how protective i am of sarah. like god even I forgot.)

-you can see how much sarah cares about connor. which is like, fantastically crazy. (it fuels the rheese shippers which is why i tend to be against it) but just like, that’s just how sarah is. she cares so much. she’s not even close to connor, but you can see how much she cares. this is why its so unfair for sarah to work in psych. like, she’s way too soft for that come on man. (y’all remember the huge car crash episode and at the end she tells ethan that it was nice to be back in the ed bc you can fix people’s bodies but not their minds? 1) she was adorable in that. 2) i am so scared for her. she just cares too much)

-okay but the above bullet is probably the exact reason why people ended up shipping ava and sarah. they both are characters who care way more than they let on. sarah is the only one in the hospital who would probably give ava a second chance after an icy first encounter. That being said, being realistic? ava is probably the only one who would she the bullshit that sarah has to go through everyday, so she would never have the icy first encounter. which in turn sets sarah’s empathy bells off or whatever.

-honestly? ava is a mean to people because she thinks they deserve it. that’s it. she’s not a bitch or anything like that (and yeah, ava stans do a little bit of overlooking her behavior bc hey if a careless med student bumps into her while passing by, thats on them). (and of course, in this world and in reesker minds, sarah has never done anything wrong, ever.)

-look guys, i did it. i boiled reesker down to its bare essentials! (lmao tho literally walking through it again from almost a totally fresh perspective, it is still so easy to see how they would have been great together.)

-also. uh. not to pile on the reesker but. ----- connor just got paged by latham. is-is it happening?

-refusing to go home and sleep because the person you care most about is lying in a hospital bed is such classic angst oh my god

-wtf? charles has meds i completely forgot? for his heart? when is he gonna get shot the suspense is killing me.

-ALSO. YOU ARE TELLING ME. THAT S3 SARAH HAD TO DEAL WITH PTSD AND A POSSIBLE PATIENT LAWSUIT. AT THE SAME TIME HER FATHER WAS BEING SUSPECTED OF MURDER, AT THE SAME TIME HE TRIED TO RECONNECT. it is a fucking crime that that is the season we have to rewatch. its a crime they abused her so much.

-waiting for charles to keel over and die like

-the worst thing is that like, he actually cares. he actually truly cares about sarah, he just did a lot of bad things. so sarah has to justify them all! and sarah had no idea how to feel because now she’s disillusioned again. please chill

-lmao stoll wow

-oh. soft sweet boy noah. he really doesn’t know better, and that’s almost the worst thing.

-also. dr. shore. that’s really all i have to say about that.

-ohhhhh my god nat fucking chill

-what is it with couples on mad and not being allowed to be happy. (this could be about reesker if you, like, reallyyyy squint)

-aw! hey, look! it’s jay! he’s nice to look at too. ooh i also forgot how deep his voice was lol

-counting

- i honestly forgot what a good source of angst this show was. this guys parents are flying in from germany to go to his graduation and then he got hit by a car??? damn

- i still forget how much i like the cop/doctor brother duo. I love it.

-GUYSSS

-GUYSSS ITS HAPPENING

-the air literally left my lungs I am not ready.

-ITS FUCKING

-oh my god

-it is 3 am and I just screamed out loud holy shit

-I FORGOT I FUCKING FORGOT. IT DOESNT HAPPEN WITH HER IN CASUAL CLOTHES. THAT IS AT THE END. I FORGOT THEY INTERACT WITH HER IN SCRUBS

- I FORGOT I FUCKING FORGOT

--holy shit she is fucking stunning. she was just allowed to be like that? in her first introduction? while connor looks like complete shit? IMAGINE THE POWER SHE HAS HOLY SHIT. THIS IS THE GREATEST POWER MOVE IVE EVER SEEN.

-uh for those of you who are confused, ava bekker has entered the scene and holy. shit. is she fucking amazing. and she hasn’t even said a word yet. all she did was turn

-H E R P O W E R

-uhhuufhuahdoas back to the analysis - latham reiterated all of the points we just discussed in the premiere, only goes to show how this was planned, from the start.

- t h e p o w e r ava has to step on the scene and instantly fuck things up. I ASPIRE

-okay let me try again to move forward. (nope. i tried to go back to the tab and just. the expression on her face. guys. i cannot express the emotions. we will press on)

-deep breaths

-she’s so pretty oh my god

-I-uh- okay listen. it is really, really, really hard to analyze this because i have not watched an actual scene or actually heard her talk in her very very pretty accent in two years. I, uh, i need a minute.

-i honestly cannot recall a thing she just said. (i am literally in fucking love) (i’m gonna go back and rewatch the scene and see what I pick up)

-THE----the fucking way she puts her hand back in her pocket

-GOD IM FUCKING GAY

-as for analysis - god that cheeky little smile.

-she’s blunt. is what took me about 75 words to say. this is gonna be a nightmare. (if i torture myself and make myself watch s4 and s5 then I’ll be really sad) (at this point can you imagine what would’ve happened if i had watched her death? I’m remembering exactly how crushed I was)

-OH. YEAH. IN CASE YOU FORGOT? THAT GIRL? THE SNARKY ONE? ON SCREEN RIGHT NOW? SHE’S. FUCKING. DEAD. CANONICALLY SHES DEAD. HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

-like just that fact is sending me so hard. i am already so sad. I had like thirty seconds of elation. it’s not FUCKING FAIR

- i need another minute. AND SHE STILL HAS ANOTHER LINE.

-this doesn’t really pertain to the theory but the “loyal, that’s sweet” line has got to mean something. Like something to be said about how connor couldn’t commit to her in s4. (its just so fucking unfair that she’s dead but we really need to move on)

-this also means that ava isn’t entirely loyal? bc she’s looking down on connor for being loyal? I um really don’t have all the info to unpack All of that, but it should be noted.

-DID YOU CONNOR? DID YOU ENJOY WORKING TOGETHER???

-from ava stan perspective: @ connor you like made her life hell, which wasn’t your fault but still. uhh she’s the one that’s dead, you’re not, so obviously one of you enjoyed it a little more. let’s move on.

-i love her.

-haha oh man jack kelloggs back. FUCKING MERC HIS ASS (i don’t hate charles that much and this storyline gave me so much fucking anxiety throughout the ep)

-god jack kelloggs such an asshole

-OKAY BRUH ETHAN AND APRIL HAVE A THING THIS SEASON? jesus this show really moves

-there are a lot of things I could complain about.

-will: “Why’d she do that? Cut her hair. A woman makes a change like that, it’s a big deal.” S4 AVA WHAT DOES IT MEAN

-i can’t believe its the season finale and they have enough time for will to ask maggie why nat cut her hair. this show is the reason I have anxiety. charles is about to get shot and what are you doing

-oh. oh wow. noah and sarah bickering/noah flirting. it’s like, adorable. which i don’t think is really fair. just, sarah’s the best

-I- uh- can’t believe that was the first time I watched an ava scene in years? that was a really big step for me?? god wow.

-god remember how sarah just like, saved robin? yall remember that? REMEMBER WHEN SARAH COULD DO THINGS? there’s a reason i hated this show.

-okay but just like the fact that charles was - content with letting his daughter be holed up in a room for the foreseeable future? when sarah had a perfectly logical answer? who is he trying to undermine here? (and that is why i hate charles)

-sharon: “where’s the daniel who doesn’t give up? doesn’t your own daughter deserve that much?” kind of a reach but if charles really cares about sarah as much as he does, and sharon knows this, the double meaning here is almost impeccable.

-oh hey guys! ava’s back!

-okay this is like super nitpicky but at this point it feels like norma didn’t have the accent down packed and its a little exaggerated and awkward at times but, come on, still love her.

-Ava: “excuse me, you’re an emergency medicine resident, why are we even talking” AVA BEKKER REALLY TAKES NO SURVIVORS (the writers just really weren’t banking on the fans being that attracted to ava) (like i forgot how blunt she was and holy shit. wow. i kinda see where the haters were coming from. its amazing to see how we clawed her back tho [by we i mean the lesbians])

-analytical. That’s what ava is. It’s almost like that thing where people purposefully say something outlandish just to gauge people’s reaction. she doesn’t argue with connor, at least not now. she just looks between him and ethan, sees she’s outnumbered, and walks off. She doesn’t know how the place works yet. she’s testing the waters. - this could be why she slowly gets more and more confrontational as the series progresses. she sees that no matter what, everyone will be on connor’s side. she doesn’t fight a losing battle. but when you’re constantly losing, its frustration. (reminder, these things only hold true in s3. s4 doesn’t exist)

-I’m fucking?? where the hell did jeff go?

-also, oh, this is maggie’s storyline. the guy dies right but he wanted to propose to the girl? wait no that doesn’t seem right...

-yooo its the girl in the gorilla costume. certified iconic. also how the hell did they have enough time for all this crap in the finale. this show fucking moves.

-for like a split second i forgot that noah and april were siblings

-noah’s a sweetie

-oh hey look it’s ava

-knock knock. who’s there? oh boy, point one for ava stans, she’s right about the surgery (potential evidence showing how this is the first scene of connor not being shit/actually being out or equally matched)

-OKAY WOW SARAH GO OFF (she’’s just fantastic i mean look at her. she’s adorable)

-ava: “Why do all the residents in this hospital think they can offer their opinions?” DR BEKKER PLEASE (okay but like i said last ep i had the exact same question. go off ava)

-connor just took control of the case (first instance of ava outright saying ‘i disagree’) (and let me guess, he’s gonna be right in the end because he literally fucking always is)

-if you look at it from a different perspective, ava was necessary. they needed someone to put connor in his place. at least, she tried. (very disappointing that she also had to sleep with him but that’s not the current point) if they wanted to fix his problem of coming off as spoiled, ava gave him a force to fight against, to earn his stars. they could’ve done it better, and actually had him lose a few times. because what does constantly letting connor win do? it undermines ava, it also undermines his attending. his attending who he is constantly having to stick up for. dude. hero complex chill. ava never had a hero complex. which cannot be said for a lot of the people on the show (IF YOU EVEN TRY TO ARGUE THIS POINT IS WRONG I POINT YOU TO THE EPISODE WHERE AVA PUSHED THE CREDIT FOR THE SURGERY ONTO CONNOR WHEN A FAMILY MEMBER WAS HUGGING HER) they did it wrong. they tried to, idk, fix connor by giving him humility, but they kind of completely forgot the humility part. and the part where he learns things. HE EVEN HAS TO STAND UP FOR AVA TO HER OWN MENTOR. LITERALLY? DUDE? FUCKING. CHILL.

-okay but that’s what it is though. ava was always meant to be the villain. because she was always a counter for connor. and connor is the hero. (you may be thinking this goes against my theory because I’m fighting for ava rights, but my actual theory is that ava was never supposed to stay past s3. the only reason she stayed was because she became a fan favorite. she was supposed to take connor’s mayo clinic offer. and you know how it probably would have happened? Connor probably would have gave her the offer. letting him be the hero one last time. [of course, this isn’t what happened. we all know.])

-OKAY FUCK THIS RESIDENT? “good call, Dr. Rhodes” SHUT THE FUCK UP??? (resident speaking rights revoked)

-I have nothing for this but just want to point out how she looks around and says “yes” all contemplative. god if i could just think about what she was thinking

-jack bro stop

-okay. was there ever an active shooter in the hospital when ava was around. bc if there was. i legally need to know

-lmao stoll

-sarah... makes me smile.

-fun fact: we are at about the half way mark. I am so sorry.

-no no no nono. so, robin just got diagnosed and is getting prepped for surgery. Sarah. don’t give charles credit for solving it. stop.

-Hey! yall remember how the best characters on the show only got thirty seconds of onscreen time together? yeah! I’m still mad about it too!

-aww connor being worried. (i think im fine with connor as long as like, ava is no where near. this scene is just very pure)

-when is this guy gonna get shot already

-aww he loves her. i want to kill him. (why? playboy. gets feelings way too quick. stop him. keep him away from ava)

-HAHAHAH okay. robin just got put into surgery and latham and ava are performing it (is it a brain surgery? yes. are they ct surgeons? yes. don’t ask questions) BUT you can see this emotion on ava’s face. she feels sorry for him. it’s up for us to decide if its condescending or she just feels bad for or bc she is on a surgery he wanted, but for the sake of opinion, i’m inclined to say she just felt bad for him (cough empathy cough)

-literally everytime charles is on screen im like when is he gonna get shot

-this scene where both connor and charles admit they were wrong is very nice (hey actually look, connor does have humility! not in front of ava tho so hmm) (sexual tens- literally no, shut the fuck up)

-HAHA HOLY SHIT I FORGOT CONNORS MOM KILLED HERSELF?? HOLY SHIT? THIS FUCKING GUY LITERALLY CANT CATCH A BREAK (maybe take a hint bro? and go far far away? well he did. too little too late ig)

-connor: “i obviously couldn’t save my mom, but I sure as hell didn’t try to save robin” *through cupped hands* HEY! HEY CONNOR! D-DID YOU TRY? WITH AVA? DID YOU TRY? okay literally what is it with this guy and people dying. for such a good surgeon... oh yeah, irony.

-hi sarah! how nice of you to check in with connor and charles about robin!

-sarah: *looks between charles and connor, who have probably agreed on something for the first time since connor got with robin* “everything okay?” literally she’s so sweet my heart.

- sarah: *laughs in disbelief* SARAH STOP MY HEART IS ALREADY FULL

-this man needs to button the top button of his shirt, i do not like that i can see it

-I------ HOLY SHIT?

-WHY DID NO ONE FUCKING WARN ME THAT JOEY WAS STILL ON THE SHOW???

-FUCKING EXCUSE ME???

- the air left lungs on that one again, i was Not expecting that.

-HOLD THE FUCK ON. I JUST WENT OF HIS WIKI AND HE APPEARS IN S4??? FUCKING WHAT??? SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT HE FUCKING DID AND IF IT WAS IMPORTANT

-sarah reese is such a fucking dork she got her boyfriend a rubik’s cube as a gift?? a guy who is so nerdy that he definetly already has like five of them. hmm. things don’t add up. also he’s nerdy enough to give back a gift at the breakup. dude seriously. get some social cues. in like the bargin bin at goodwill. please.

-IF SARAH FUCKING CRIES I SWEAR TO GOD

-oh yeah she’s pregnant. that’s how the story ends.

-okay. natalie comes off as empathetic but like, in the most condescending way.

-like its fucking obvious she’s only ever caring about herself (ava bekker would never. sarah reese would never. get your head out of your ass) (ok wow that aggression came from nowhere lmao)

- i really wanna say something about - Connor: “We all know that love can hurt, but loneliness? that’ll kill you.” have fun with that fic writers. (insert obvious connection to loneliness killing ava? have we had enough? this doesn’t pertain to the theory)

-jesus will at this point stop hesitating at the ‘if we’re wrong, it could kill him’ stage. we all know you don’t care

-how funny would it be if the family just like, disowned that girl

-this will nat and co. love triangle is already so fucking exhausting

-JAY REALLY SAID WILL I AM TAKING NONE OF YOUR BS

-is he really about to break up with her. right now. i swear to fucking god

-this is so fucking stupid (what i would pay for ava to hand him his ass right here right now) (that’s a hc idea right there)

-FUCKING LEAVE ALREADY WILLIAM

-sarah and noah stay adorable

-aww stolllll, my heart

-lmao i forgot the girl who played robin was on once upon a time and i was like ‘ive seen her recently what was it’

-FINALLY HES GONNA FUCKING GET SHOT! HELL YES!

-charles looks high as balls

-the queen returns. she’s back

-IM GONNA FUCKING JUMP OFF A CLIFF

-okay. from the previous ep i mentioned ava’s line being something like ‘you’re quite the gossip magnet, your mother commited suicide, drove your girlfriend crazy, and you murdered your attending.” right? we all remember that?

-well lads, do we remember connor’s response?

-connor: “...Well you’d better watch yourself, hadn’t you?”

-...

- I-

-hahahah this is not okay.

-AND GOD. JUST THE WAY AVA TAKES IT AND JUST SMILES, ACCEPTING THE CHALLENGE. holy shit. this fucking breaks my heart.

-i like almost can’t even appreciate the easy ending of noah’s grad party.

-oh yeah charles still hasn’t gotten shot.

-god sarah is still adorable. the way she finally relaxes FOR ONCE and lets herself have fun. fun fact: this may be the last time we see sarah just easily enjoying herself. also maybe the first.

- i am officially starting the save ava campaign, anyone who wants to join can. the goal is pretty simple. save ava. save our hearts.

-oh my god is he finally going to get shot?? like what dude come on

Okay. another episode down, the first full one, and what have we learned?

Well, this was Ava’s first episode and we learned how it seems she was doomed from the start. It makes no sense, even just her writing is disconnected from s2 to s3, like how do they do that? This ava lines up so well with s4 ava it’s almost uncanny. if you completely cut out s3 her character arc would make complete sense, in a frighteningly tidy way.

Like I said at the top, the fact that Ava was referenced in the episode description of the season finale is huge. It means she is a big character, ground shaking, almost. I really don’t know why they had to make this introduction at the end of s2 and not the beginning of s3, other than making it fit with the three month time jump that i’m pretty sure starts the season.

The way I see it, Ava had 4 main interactions/points. 1) She called connor loyal (and was blunt about Latham) 2) She remarks that residents shouldn’t have speaking rights (that one’s just funny) and disagrees with connor on the surgery, which they go with connor’s decision because of course they do. granted they switch to her plan midway through) 3) connor takes over her surgery after they disagree on whether or not the patient can be saved. Connor is right. and 4) we have the final ‘I like dangerous men’ interaction.

Let’s focus on the train of Ava vs. Connor disagreements. If we go by my previous statement which was Ava was designed as the villain to Connor’s hero, so the hero could win the favor of the public by defeating the villain, the trajectory of their interactions is not surprising in the slightest.

First, Connor wins the first point bc they initial go with his plan. Then, mid surgery, they have to switch to Ava’s plan, because she was right. This obviously pisses him off, that he was wrong and she was right. His crown had been knocked askew. But then, he wrestles it back. They disagree on whether or not the patient can be saved, connor takes complete control, and he actually ends up saving him.

It’s interesting that the final disagreement came at the sake of a patient’s life. Ava was quick to dismiss the heart as gone, but Connor fought for it, being the hero. It’s easy to shut Ava down right then and there, call her heartless and call it a day.

if s4 had come immedietely (i have no clue how to spell that) after, it would be completely in character for ava to be a psychopath from what little we’ve seen. And honestly, no one would care. The villain would get her due justice.

Let’s switch gears to the conspiracy theory, or the redemption arc. whichever sounds cooler.

A hero is only as good as their villain. That’s really my argument. At this point, yeah, s4 seems like it was planned, just based on s2.

Okay, so, what? Is that another layer of the theory that I’m adding? that the connor/ava plot of s4 was ACTUALLY supposed to be in s3? I... no. we’ve established that is is very rare for the med writers to plan storylines that far ahead. so what am I saying?

I think that the s4 plot was actually a scrapped plot potentially to be used in s3. and when they were left floundering at the end of s3 for an answer? they retreated. sacrificing character development in the process.

So what the hell happened in s3? A horrible fluke? why was it so different?

in s3 ava became more of a rival and less of a villain. while those words can have very similar meanings, the bulk of it is that neither of them really wanted to be that mean each other, they never went out of their way to stomp on the other (at least that I’m aware of). they just were always forced to work together, naturally leading to friction.

This shift meant all the difference. Connor no longer had to beat Ava. it wasn’t required. as a result, ava was very very slowly allowed to interact with people other than connor. she was allowed to slightly develop.

Why the shift? well, the conspiracy theory suggests it’s because they wanted someone who could follow up connor if he left at the end. IF they were true rivals, each of them should be able to hold their own without each other.

okay yeah, i managed to get like 4k words out of like 5 minutes a screen time and 8 lines. jesus christ.still didnt do my hw tho

next we watch the premiere of s3 and see what happens. thanks for reading

read the next parts:

Part 1 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Part 11 / Part 12 / Extra

#i got exactly one (1) hour of sleep last night holy shit #this was so many bad decisions wrapped in one #chicago med #med rewatch series #ava bekker #mine #love hurts

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twerkhammett · 7 years

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1-154

Holy fuck, good thing I have a long train ride😂1. Full nameAngelica DeLillo2. Age213. 3 fearsFailure, getting snatched up one of these nights im on the train alone, losing the people i care about4. 3 things I loveNik, food, and our cat5. 4 turn onsBiting, slapping (ass face and tits), being tied up or held down, and when he gets that mean look on his face and i know hes gonna be really rough with me ugh6. 4 turn offsI have had these experiences with almost every person I've been with except Nik..bad hygiene, being rushed (you cum yet?), bad oral and when i tell them what would feel good they dont listen..and worst of all sex that feels half assed. They just want to cum real quick, theres no passion or effort, they don't care if they please you at all. Fucking horrible..7. My best friendIn cali my best friend here besides Nik is Ashley, and I get to live with them both its awesome! In Florida I cant choose one cuz ive known them all forever and love those dudes..Mels, Denzel, Brauston, and Alicia8. Sexual orientationBisexual9. My best first dateWith Nikolas obviously 😉10. How tall i am5'611. What do I missMy friends and family back home12: What time were I born3:55pm13: Favourite colorGreen14: Do I have a crushOn my boyfriend😂15: Favourite quoteIdk man16: Favourite placeHard to choose one, maybe my bed😂17: Favourite foodI hate favorites..pizza and wings18: Do I use sarcasmNever :)19: What am I listening to right nowSlayer 20: First thing I notice in new personIf they're fuckin rude or not21: Shoe size822: Eye colorBrown23: Hair colorLight brownish? Auburn?24: Favourite style of clothingBlack25: Ever done a prank call?Yup27: Meaning behind my URLKirk twerkin28: Favourite movieKung Fury29: Favourite songCant choose30: Favourite bandStill cant choose my dude31: How I feel right nowMeh32: Someone I loveNik33: My current relationship statusIn love af its disgusting34: My relationship with my parentsPretty good these days35: Favourite holidayHalloween36: Tattoos and piercing i haveNips, lips, and ears37: Tattoos and piercing i wantA lot, whenever i get the money..38: The reason I joined TumblrMels made me join lol39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?I don't think he hates me, but i hate his bitch ass..40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?I used to get them from Nik but we live together so now he can just tell me lol41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?This morning42: When did I last hold hands?Yesterday43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?15mins, its caffeinating myself that can take time44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?Noooope45: Where am I right now?On BART46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?Nik, been a while since thats happened tho47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?Loud48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?Nope49: Am I excited for anything?For class to be over so i can relax lol...haven't even got there yet50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?Nik, Denzel, Brauston51: How often do I wear a fake smile?At work lmao52: When was the last time I hugged someone?Does my cat count? An hour ago lol53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?This would never happen, but I would go to jail if it did lol54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?Not that i know of?55: What is something I disliked about today?Nik had to work early and I've been sexually frustrated af56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?James57: What do I think about most?Nik and food are tied i think58: What’s my strangest talent?Idk59: Do I have any strange phobias?Eh not really60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?Behind61: What was the last lie I told?Not sure, probably at work lol62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?On the phone63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?Aliens yeah64: Do I believe in magic?Nah65: Do I believe in luck?Not really66: What’s the weather like right now?64 and clear skys67: What was the last book I’ve read?Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?Yesss69: Do I have any nicknames?Besides the ones Nik has for me no70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?Cut my knee open71: Do I spend money or save it?That shits gone pretty fast dont get to spend it on anything fun tho haha72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge?Nah73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me?My backpack has some pink on it74: Favourite animal?My cat😂75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?Fucking76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?Trump77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?Nightcrawler78: How can you win my heart?Be Nikolas or James Hetfield79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?Nothing80: What is my favorite word?Fuck81: My top 5 blogs on tumblrIdk man i like a lot of yall82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?Someone please assasinate the orange one83: Do I have any relatives in jail?Not that i know of84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?Invisibility or time travel85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?Not sure86: What is my current desktop picture?Some nature pic bc i havent change it87: Had sex?On a daily basis my dude88: Bought condoms?Yes89: Gotten pregnant?No90: Failed a class?Yup91: Kissed a boy?Yup92: Kissed a girl?Yep93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?Yes, Nik94: Had job?Sadly95: Left the house without my wallet?Fucking yes!!!96: Bullied someone on the internet?No lol97: Had sex in public?A few days ago lmao98: Played on a sports team?Yep99: Smoked weed?This is where my extra money goes..sigh100: Did drugs?Nothing crazy but yeah101: Smoked cigarettes?Yes102: Drank alcohol?Yeah103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?Noo104: Been overweight?Nope105: Been underweight?Nope106: Been to a wedding?Yep107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?Yes lol108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?Yeah109: Been outside my home country?Not yet, but I plan on it110: Gotten my heart broken?Yeah couple years ago111: Been to a professional sports game?Yep112: Broken a bone?My finger lol113: Cut myself?A while ago114: Been to prom?Nope115: Been in airplane?Yes116: Fly by helicopter?No but I want to!!117: What concerts have I been to?Megadeth, Metallica, Exodus, Testament, Carcass, Slayer, Midnight, Kreator, Obituary, Children of Bodom, Rammstein, and a few more but those were the best ones118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?Quite a few times119: Learned another language?Some German and some ASL120: Wore make up?I wear mascara121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?Yeah122: Had oral sex?Yupppppp123: Dyed my hair?Yes124: Voted in a presidential election?Yep!125: Rode in an ambulance?Nope126: Had a surgery?No127: Met someone famous?Nope128: Stalked someone on a social network?A while ago hahah129: Peed outside?Yep130: Been fishing?Yes131: Helped with charity?I donate to greenpeace monthly132: Been rejected by a crush?Sorta133: Broken a mirror?Im sure I have, I def had a big ass mirror fall on my fuckin head one time tho!134: What do I want for birthday?Some dick😂135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?2 max, no idea about names, havent thought about it much136: Was I named after anyone?No137: Do I like my handwriting?Its a bit sloppy but yeah138: What was my favourite toy as a child?Barbies lol139: Favourite Tv Show?DBZ😂140: Where do I want to live when older?The forest, somewhere in Colorado maybe141: Play any musical instrument?Not well lol142: One of my scars, how did I get it?Accidentally stabbed myself at work143: Favourite pizza toping?Mushrooms144: Am I afraid of the dark?No, I need it to sleep145: Am I afraid of heights?A bit146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?Yes lmao, many times by my dad usually147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?Did you mean my last relationship😂😂148: What I’m really bad atProcrastination149: What my greatest achievments areGetting the fuck out of fl, some of my artwork, learning to cope with my depression150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to meProb something my ex said lol151: What I’d do if I won in a lotteryQuit my job, build a house, and open a cave bar (me and Ashley were just talkin about that)152: What do I like about myselfWell i guess i never stop trying even tho i fuck up a lot hahah153: My closest Tumblr friend@stalkhome-sindrone probably😁154: Something I fantasise aboutA stable income...Thanks for that big ass ask my anonymous dude!!😂To the rest of my followers, sorry for the long post and some of the tmi questions😊

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callunawrites · 7 years

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By the grace of the fire and the flames You're the face of the future, the blood in my veins

Heather’s Top 25 38 Songs of 2017!

saturn — sleeping at last // run baby run — the rigs // the brothel (lidolido remix) — susanne sundfør // can’t pretend — tom odell // capsize — frenship // undiscovered first — feist // feeling good (bassnectar remix) — nina simone // kings — tribe society // river — bishop // human — rag’n’bone man // believer — imagine dragons // feel it still — portugal. the man // girl, you’ll be a woman soon — rafferty // wise enough — lamb // say you’ll be there — MØ // holiest — glass animals // the greatest — sia // bogeyman — johnny hollow // to be human — sia // strangers — halsey // cities in dust — everlove // history — monakr // messiah — prides // i shall rise — karen o // in the sea — ingrid michaelson // i put a spell on you — annie lennox // personal yeezus — chambaland // gold — imagine dragons // which witch — florence & the machine // thunder — imagine dragons // take me to church — hozier // trouble — valerie broussard // pure feeling — florence & the machine // battle royale — apashe // i may fall — casey williams // not today — bts // is this love — the governors // sweet dreams — mark hadley ft. dresage

short version | long version

So, the thing is, this mix was originally a whopping 262 songs. That’s 17 hours of delving into my headspace. I know this because the mix in full can be found on spotify, for those adventurous enough. By the end of the year, there may even be more!

The original 200+ can also be found in month format, for those that don’t feel like dealing with... all that. I’m actually a little sad that I don’t get to talk about every single one of them, though I’m sure it would have gotten tedious in the end.

i. saturn || sleeping at last I’d give anything to hear You say it one more time, That the universe was made Just to be seen by my eyes.

This was, according to my last.fm data, my second most played song of 2017. Well, third if we count the song that racked up 10,000 plays because I left it looping on my computer for a week. Whoops. These first four songs on this mix are my Mcshep songs. But also, Sleeping At Last is lovely. There’s several other songs by them on the full mix, but this one is by far my favorite. ii. run baby run || the rigs So wait, keep your heart inside My hands won't keep it safe I'll just feed on dreams & smile as hope slowly dies.

And here we have my most played song of 2017, which I’ve basically been listening to nonstop ever since I discovered @randommindtime‘s Mcshep fanvid. It is absolutely earthshaking, entirely haunting, and just all around a beautiful song that describes John Sheppard and all of his issues to a T.

iii. the brothel (lidolido remix) || susanne sundfør We are ruins within ruins On every corner a gladiator is begging for another century

I’m not sure why this is such a Mcshep song in my mind since I first discovered it as part of a really ridiculously awesome X-Files vid, but my guess is it got thrown into a playlist between two Mcshep songs and was forever that in my head. Fun fact, I only recently, when making the spotify version of this playlist, listened to the original version of the song. iv. can’t pretend || tom odell Oh, feel our bodies grow, And our souls they blend. This song is the only song that has made it onto all three of my year-in-review mixes. I originally found it in 2015 as part of a Bioshock vid and then last year I rediscovered it in the form of @randommindtime‘s other amazing Mcshep vid. And honestly? I haven’t stopped listening to it since. I have no doubt that it’ll be on 2018′s mix as well. v. capsize || frenship Capsize, I'm first in the water Too close to the bottom I'm right back where I started Said I'm fine I found this song through either a Stydia or a Sterek gifset. I’m like... 90% sure that it was Stydia, because it was around the time that season... 6? came out? Whichever one that Stiles is taken in, and thematically it works pretty well for it. But, I’m equally sure I’ve seen a Sterek gifset for the same song. Whatever. It’s pretty and I like it. vi. undiscovered first || feist The height and the breadth, is it wrong to want more?

Gosh. Okay. So, Legion. Mindfuckery of a show that can basically be summed up in words like “acid trip” and “dance numbers?” and “omg aubrey plaza.” It was brilliant and horrifying and really, really cool. But what’s more, it had the best fucking music. The 8tracks version of the mix only has two songs from the show, but the full mix on spotify has six or seven. vii. feeling good (bassnectar remix) || nina simone It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me And I'm feelin' good

This was the second song that I found through Legion. I mean, I’d heard the song before, but holy fucking shit. Like, I knew that I was attracted to Aubrey Plaza, but there’s every other character she’s ever played, and then there’s this role.

viii. kings || tribe society Lost in the world full of nonbelievers Searching for smoke in a stillwater pond A nothing king, they called a dreamer This is my life and I call it a song This and the next song I actually found because I had queued up feeling good on youtube while driving home from my friend’s house after watching that particular episode of legion, and youtube did that thing where it automatically queued up music afterwards? Only I lucked out that night, because the next six or seven songs were absolutely amazing. This was my favorite of those songs and quickly became my Horizon Zero Dawn theme song. ix. river || bishop Can't change the way we are One kiss away from killing

Another of the songs that I found that night! This one also got a lot of play while playing Horizon Zero Dawn. x. human || rag’n’bone man 'Cause I'm no prophet or messiah You should go looking somewhere higher This song I’d originally found through the Mass Effect Andromeda trailer but it quickly became a favorite of mine. xi. believer || imagine dragons By the grace of the fire and the flames You're the face of the future, the blood in my veins Even though this song has been in basically every fanvid since it came out, this was also solidly a Mass Effect Andromeda song for me, since I listened to it a bunch when I was playing the game. It’s one of the songs that I actually don’t mind coming on at work. xii. feel it still || portugal. the man Ooh woo, I'm a rebel just for kicks, now I been feeling it since 1966, now

I actually found this song before it got popular! The first time that it played at work/on the radio I was blown away, but I think the first time I’d heard it was on American Gods? At least I found it when I was watching the show. xiii. girl, you’ll be a woman soon || rafferty Well, I finally found what I've been looking for But if they get a chance they'll end it for sure Okay, so for anyone who is paying attention to this who lives in Columbus, I get my hair done at Virtue Salon, which is basically the best salon in the entire world. Even if you don’t live in Columbus, click on that link. Look at those pictures and tell me that isn’t the most adorable salon in the entire world. They have the best playlists every time I go in, and though I am not super fond of some of the lyrics to this song, I really love the slow croonyness to it. That was a really great day. xiv. wise enough || lamb I had a dream that all of time was running dry And life was like a comet falling from the sky I woke so frightened in the dawning, oh, so clear How precious is the time we have here

I first heard this song on the second season of Sense8 and I was struck by just how damn beautiful it is. It almost didn’t make this final list, but in the end I couldn’t count it out. xv. say you’ll be there || mo Any fool can see they're falling, gotta make you understand I'll give you everything on this I swear Just promise you'll always be there

I don’t actually remember what fanmix I originally found this on, but I remember that I was at the intersection of Clime and Harrisburg-Pike just outside the fire station when I realized that it was a gentle, gorgeous cover of a Spice Girls song and basically fell immediately in love. xvi. holiest || glass animals Yeah, you're the holiest, holiest thing I know This song I found as part of this mix, which is basically a young holy lovers mix and just. has so much quality music. But this song was the first that really made me start looking at Glass Animals. I’d heard some of their stuff before, but never when I was paying attention, not enough for me to decide if I liked them or not. Up until the last month or so, this was my top played track. xvii. the greatest || sia Don't give up, I won't give up Don't give up, no no no

Yeah, there’s no story here. I just really like Sia. xviii. bogeyman || johnny hollow And now I'm dancing for the doomed and the damned And I'm advancing unassumed with dirty hands

Someone I follow on tumblr had reblogged this song back in the spring-summer months when I was feeling very aggressively reylo, and I just. I really like that fairytale where the innocent girl grows up and eats the monster. It’s a favorite of mine and part of the reason that I like pairings like reylo and darklina. xix. to be human || sia And what's the point of knowin' it If you can't change it?

This song came on at the end of Wonder Woman and I made my friend Alex wait until I’d listened to it before I let him leave the theater. I fell pretty rapidly in love with it. xx. strangers || halsey We're not lovers, we're just strangers With the same damn hunger To be touched, to be loved, to feel anything at all I won’t say that this is my favorite song off of Halsey’s new album, because that goes to Mourning, but it is the song that I listened to most. I’ve been toying with the idea of an original novel since around the time the album came out, and this song came on while I was plotting some of it out in my head. I really hope I end up writing it. xxi. cities in dust || everlove Your former glories and all the stories Dragged and washed with eager hands But oh, your city lies in dust, my friend I think the first time that I heard this cover it was when I discovered this mix back in 2015. It was a mix for Holland from the Darker Shade of Magic series, but I ended up going back and listening to the mix again while I was reading the third book in the series. While driving to work one day, I realized how utterly perfect it was for Dishonored, and basically compiled my mix, the salt water sting, over the course of that day.

xxii. history || monakr Oh… when they write of us in history lauded only for our victory They don't never tell, never fail to tell They don't ever tell Oh…. other side in history

So, back in the summer I read Hermione Granger's Hogwarts Crammer for Delinquents on the Run, and it was absolutely fantastic. But in my humble opinion, the soundtrack that I discovered was somehow even better. I had to limit myself to only two songs from it on here, but a good half of them are on the spotify version.

xxiii. messiah || prides You don't have to lock the door I don't live there anymore.

This is the second song that I chose from that playlist, mostly because it ended up being the lucky track that had an extra play.

xxiv. i shall rise || karen o They'll know my name When they've forgotten all about you

I found this song well before I actually started regularly listening to it, and it ended up getting played around the time that I was mining for Dishonored songs for that mix, and those lyrics just called to me. Also, y’know, it’s a really great song. xxv. in the sea || ingrid michaelson No no don't rescue me I like the salt water sting

Another Dishonored song, this was obviously the song - and line - that gave me the title for the mix itself. I think I’d originally heard it as part of a Jaspis mix. xxvi. i put a spell on you || annie lennox I put a spell on you Because you're mine Okay, but this song in Annie Lennox’s smokey gorgeous voice just made me think of gay woodland witches and it was one of the best discoveries of 2017. xxvii. personal yeezus || chambaland Baby we livin' in the moment I've been a menace for the longest But I ain't finished, I'm devoted And you know it, and you know it

Okay, so let’s talk about Atomic Blonde. It wasn’t the best movie I’ve seen this year, but it appealed to a very visceral, gay part of me and ever since I saw this trailer I was basically in love. I’m sorry, but if you weren’t at least a little gay before watching Charlize Theron have a torrid love affair with Sofia Boutella while simultaneously kicking ass and taking names... you will be.

xxviii. gold | imagine dragons Statues and empires are all at your hands, Water to wine and the finest of sands. When all that you have's turning stale and it's cold, Oh, you'll no longer feel when your heart's turned to gold. I... don’t remember when I first listened to this. I think it was at work? But I saw some really good fanvids, and honestly? I should probably just admit at this point that I just love everything that Imagine Dragons comes out with.

xxix. which witch | florence & the machine Who's a heretic, child? Can you make it stick, now that I'm on trial

I am like 500% sure that I fell in love with this song because @kaikamahine said something about it, because I first started listening to it around the time that I realized Fantastic Beasts had a fandom.

xxx. thunder | imagine dragons Just a young gun with a quick fuse I was uptight, wanna let loose I was dreaming of bigger things And wanna leave my old life behind

Yeah, I just liked it. Also, there have been some really awesome Thor vids to this since Ragnarok came out.

xxxi. take me to church | hozier Offer me that deathless death Good God, let me give you my life

I wasn’t actually sure that I still listened to this often enough to add it, but last.fm tells me that it’s my fourth most played song. I mean, it’s a great song, and you can be damn sure that if in a twist of fate Hozier releases an album next year, every single one of those songs will be on the 2018 mix, but it has been a bit.

xxxii. trouble | valerie broussard Dangerously having the time of our lives These boys are just poisonous thorns in our sides Starting fires wherever we go Watching em gamble everything they own I’m just going to direct you to this animation and wail about Six of Crows a lot. Weirdly enough, I think I actually prefer the unfinished version of it. Some bits hadn’t been added yet, but I really love the grittiness of it.

xxxiii. pure feeling | florence & the machine Those strangers carry me I'm lost; they're finding me I... don’t actually remember where I found this one. It probably has to do with @kaikamahine. Either way, I have listened to it A LOT.

xxxiv. battle royale | apashe Work on 'em put a little work on 'em Trigger finger in the air I put a little dirt on 'em

This song is stupid awesome to blare while driving home from work a little fast at 2 in the morning. Also, y’know, it’s just great in general. See, Steve Rogers agrees. Also, oh my gosh, there’s a new Black Panther one.

xxxv. i may fall | casey williams There's a place where we'll stand outnumbered Where the wolves and the soulless will rise In the time of our final moments Every dream dies

So, sometime in the last few months I let my roommate talk me into watching RWBY. I’ve been less than interested in the past because I’m an animation snob and I just... couldn’t. But I marathoned the whole series in like a week. There were three songs that stood out to me, but this song is actually the one that made me finally break down and give it a chance.

xxxvi. not today | bts All the underdogs in the world A day may come when we lose But it is not today Today we fight!

SCREECHING NOISES. MORE SCREECHING NOISES. I’m sorry, but it has to have become apparent by now that my musical tastes are influenced almost entirely by fandom, but fanvids in particular. This song is the BEST pump up song that I’ve found in years.

xxxvii. is this love | the governors Did you think this was love Is love a future of your kind Don't you think I would mind If I would wasted all my time I can't love if you lie This song. Made my year. It’s dark and sexy and a little fucked up, and came around when I was in the middle of reading the Grisha Trilogy and struggling with just how hard Darklina was hitting on every single one of my kinks.

xxxviii. sweet dreams | mark hadley ft. dresage I travel the world And the seven seas, Everybody's looking for something.

This cover came out as part of the Wrinkle In Time trailer and I fell really, stupidly in love. This was actually a last minute addition, because I couldn’t stand it not being on here.

#fuck yeah fanmixes #2017 #year in music

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365daysofj2 · 7 years

Text

Reunited (Library AU, 27/?)

Jared spends the rest of the morning texting with his supervisor and emailing back and forth with HR about paperwork for FMLA leave for himself and Jensen. Luckily, both Samantha and Loretta from HR are amenable to Jared taking several weeks off to care for Jensen. Once Jensen gets released from medical leave, he can take administrative leave with pay until Kline gets back up and running.

In the meantime, Kline’s PSAs have the option to take any open positions they’re qualified for, and they’ll be given first preference for substitute shifts that come available. Unfortunately for the part-timers, they’re not eligible for administrative leave, so most of them will probably have to leave Kline. HR wasn’t terribly forthcoming on whether they’d be allowed to go back to Kline once it reopens. Mark, Jensen, and the full-time PSA, Lauren, will get administrative leave since there are no open positions for them to take.

Jared’s on the phone with Loretta when his lunch arrives. He puts the phone on speaker and looks at the time. Holy shit, he didn’t realize it was almost one o’clock. He’ll get to see Jensen in a little over an hour, which is good, because he has so much news. At least it’ll be something to take Jensen’s mind off his suffering. He hasn’t said much about how he’s feeling, but Jared still feels rundown and headachy and sore from the ordeal, so he figures Jensen must be feeling ten times worse, considering all he’s undergone in the past twenty-four hours.

The food is crap, which is pretty normal for hospital food, and Jared isn’t that hungry. His throat is still raw and sore from the smoke and nothing tastes quite right, so he eats half the turkey sandwich and the vanilla pudding and leaves the salad and apple slices on the tray. The cold milk feels good on his throat, though, and he wishes they’d given him two or three cartons instead of one.

It’s one-thirty by the time he finishes picking at his food, so he sends one last email and hooks his phone up to the charger. He needs a break. Trying to deal with his own workplace issues is hard enough, but dealing with both his and Jensen’s is exhausting.

He doesn’t realize he’s fallen asleep until Alona gently shakes his shoulder. “Rise and shine. It’s time to go see your boy.”

Jared blinks awake and yawns. “Yeah, thanks for waking me up.” He stretches his arms and crawls into the wheelchair. He’s glad he doesn’t have to make it down to the ICU under his own power.

Jensen seems to be asleep as well, but his eyes fly open when the door closes behind Jared and Alona, so he must have been awake. His eyes are still quite red and watery, so he must have just been resting them. He grins when he sees Jared, but it’s not as bright this time.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” asks Jared in a low voice.

Jensen shrugs and picks up his pen. Like shit, but I’ve been told that’s “normal.”

“I’m sorry.” Jared wishes he could take the hand Jensen’s not writing with, but it’s still covered with a thick pad of gauze. “What happened to your hand, anyway?”

There was a piece of glass embedded in my stomach from the window frame. I didn’t realize, and I cut my hand open on it.

Jared winces. “Jesus Christ.” He rubs Jensen’s arm above the bandage. “Hey, I’ve got news.” He tells Jensen everything he learned from Loretta in HR.

Jensen’s face gradually clouds over with frustration and anger. He scribbles furiously on the pad. So not only did I lose half my building, I’m also losing more than half my staff. So I get to keep Lauren, who I don’t even fucking want, but I have to lose Osric, Felicia, and Briana? Putain de merde, je déteste tout ce moment.

Jared doesn’t know what the last sentence means, but he gets the idea. “Just try not to worry about it for now. There’s nothing you can do from in here. Stressing about it isn’t going to help you get better.”

Jensen doesn’t respond for a long moment. Finally, he writes, You’re right. But it’s so boring in here, there’s nothing else to think about.

“Think about Max,” replies Jared. “And me. Relive our greatest hits. Plan our imaginary wedding and honeymoon. I mean, I know this whole thing sucks, but there’s so much other stuff in your life that’s good. Focus on that. The rest will take care of itself.” He smiles softly and traces a heart on Jensen’s arm. “I love you. I know I can’t always be with you in body, but I can in spirit.”

Jensen’s face softens. His eyes crinkle up just the tiniest bit. When did you get your psychiatry degree? ‘Cause that’s pretty good advice.

“Ed psych 115 and 215 in college,” answers Jared with a grin.

“Time’s up, Jared,” says Alona from behind him.

Jared grimaces. “I gotta go. I’ll be back down at six, though.” He kisses his fingers and presses them to Jensen’s pale cheek. “Love you.”

Love you too, Jay, Jensen writes in big letters, then draws a heart around it. See you later.

Jared smiles. “Count on it, babe.”

* * *

Jared spends his afternoon texting Osric and Briana and FaceTiming Felicia and Max at the house. He can’t wait to get home and into his own bed and shower. Felicia says Max has been subdued, but is still eating and walking, so Jared figures it’s just because he misses them so much. Jared can’t blame him. Under the circumstances, he and Jensen have been pretty subdued as well.

It’s about five o’clock when Jared hears a noise in the hallway that he assumes is the food cart, but when he looks up, he sees Jensen in a wheelchair, tethered to an IV bag and a nasal cannula only.

“Jensen! Hey!” Jared beams as a male orderly wheels Jensen to the bed opposite Jared. The orderly gets Jensen settled and hands him his notebook and pen.

I’m free! Jensen writes in huge letters and flashes the page at Jared.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” says Jared, and his huge smile still hasn’t left his face.

You and me both, Jensen writes back.

“Although, it’s not quite the same without your voice,” Jared admits, his smile faltering. “When do you get to talk again?”

Jensen frowns. I’m on complete vocal rest for two weeks, and the doc’ll decide then if it has to continue.

“Oh, man,” blurts Jared. “That sucks.”

Don’t I know it. Jensen runs out of room on the page and flips it over to a new one. I need a dry-erase board or something, I guess.

“Well, I’m getting out of here tomorrow, so I can pick one up at Kmart on the way home,” says Jared.

Jensen sighs, but it turns into a coughing fit that sounds horribly rough and painful.

“Are you okay?” Jared asks when Jensen finally quiets.

Jensen shakes his head and writes on the page. I hate when that happens.

“Does it happen a lot?”

Too much.

Jared bites his lip. “Is it getting better?”

Not fast enough. Jensen drags his unbandaged wrist across his forehead, and for the first time Jared notices the light sheen of sweat on his face from the exertion. Jared’s throat tightens. He had no idea Jensen was in such bad shape. But he’s out of the ICU, which should mean he’s a lot better, right?

Jensen slumps back against his pillow and Jared is stunned to see just how much the coughing fit took out of him. “Get some rest, babe,” Jared says softly. “I’ll be here. I’ll always be here.”

Jensen gives him a weak thumbs-up. Seconds later, he’s asleep.

He doesn’t wake up until the orderly with the food cart delivers their evening meals. Jared’s is Salisbury steak, macaroni and cheese, and a fruit cup, none of which look terribly edible, but Jensen’s is completely different: a can of chocolate Ensure, applesauce, red jello, and the same vanilla pudding Jared had at lunchtime. It dawns on Jared that if Jensen’s throat is too damaged to talk, it must also be too damaged to handle solid food.

But why? Jensen was out of the smoke for longer than Jared was, so why was he so much worse off?

Jared chokes down as much of his meal as he can stand, and then watches as Jensen struggles through his own. It must be horribly painful to swallow, because Jensen is nearly in tears by the time he finishes the can of Ensure. He takes only one or two tiny bites of everything else, and finally he picks up his notebook and turns it toward Jared. You want the rest of this crap?

“Sure,” answers Jared, figuring that the hospital can’t screw up canned stuff too badly. He carefully climbs off the bed and leans as far as his IV line will allow to grab Jensen’s tray. Jared finishes the small servings in no time.

“How are you holding up?” asks Jared once he’s set both trays aside.

Jensen shrugs. I’m alive. Guess that’s all I can ask for.

“Well, I’m certainly glad you are,” Jared tells him, smiling softly. “I just wish you were feeling better, that’s all.”

Yeah, me too. :(

Jensen pauses and starts writing again. <i>Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever feel normal again.</i>

“You will,” insists Jared. “It’ll take time—more time than you want, I’m sure—but it’ll happen.”

Jensen writes something, pauses, and then crosses it out. Unable to think of anything else, he sets the notebook aside, shrugs, and turns away.

#365daysofj2 #j2 fanfic #j2 au

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bronzeflower · 7 years

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Who The Fuck Writes A Ten-Page Rant?????

Also on ao3

-----

Chapter 6: A Message At Long Last

It had been days since you saw the cute guy, and you have basically given up any sort of hope that he would actually message you.

To be fair, it had only been one or two days, but still. Anyway, you still had stuff to work on, so there really wasn’t any use in moping about a cute guy you talked to for a grand total of four minutes and thirteen seconds.

Someone was pestering you, so you decided to answer, only to find that it was a handle you didn’t recognize.

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

CG: I CANNOT FUCKING *BELIEVE* THAT YOU ARE THE SAME FUCKING ASSHOLE THAT TEREZI GAVE ME THE CHUMHANDLE TO.

CG: I WASN’T GOING TO TROLL A DUMBASS LIKE THAT, SO I DIDN’T FOR WEEKS BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE A STUPID WASTE OF THE PRECIOUS AMOUNT OF TIME I HAVE LEFT. CG: AND YET, HERE I AM. CG: MESSAGING YOU. CG: BECAUSE I DECIDED THAT THERE WAS A POSSIBILITY THAT YOU WEREN’T A COMPLETELY AWFUL PERSON. CG: ALSO, IF YOU HAVEN’T FIGURED IT OUT YET, I’M THE GUY WHO WORKS AT ROSEMARY. CG: YOU KNOW, THE STORE YOU WENT TO GET A SUIT AT.

TG: holy shit you actually messaged me TG: this is the best goddamned day of my entire life TG: ive been blessed with your presence

CG: DAMN RIGHT YOU HAVE.

TG: you seem a lot more angry over text though

CG: IN CASE YOU FAILED TO NOTICE, I WAS AT WORK WHEN I MET YOU. CG: I WAS ACTING “PROFESSIONAL.” CG: PEOPLE DON’T USUALLY TAKE KINDLY TO OTHERS YELLING INSULTS AND CURSE WORDS INTO THEIR AURICULAR SPONGE CLOTS

TG: so are you always this angry when youre not at work

CG: YES.

TG: goddamn TG: also, you know tz???

CG: YEAH, SHE’S A CHILDHOOD FRIEND, AND SHE ALSO DEMANDED TO GIVE ME YOUR CHUMHANDLE DESPITE ME SAYING THAT I ABSOLUTELY DID *NOT* WANT IT. CG: BUT YOU GAVE ME YOUR CHUMHANDLE ANYWAY, SO IT’S NOT LIKE IT MATTERED.

TG: wait but why did she give you my chumhandle in the first place TG: did she just up and decide that we needed to be friends because she and me are friends and so are you and her

CG: NO. SHE GAVE IT TO ME BECAUSE I WAS COMPLAINING ABOUT THE NEW FUCKING MEMES GOING AROUND THAT ARE BASED ON A VIDEO YOU MADE. CG: I COULD MAYBE HANDLE THE VIDEO. CG: IT WAS KIND OF FUNNY, AND KANAYA SAID I SHOULD TRY LAUGHING AT MY PAST MISTAKES INSTEAD OF GETTING ANGRY AT THEM. CG: BUT THE MEMES. OH GOD THE MEMES. CG: THEY WERE THE MOST HORRIFIC THINGS I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE, AND THAT’S PRETTY FUCKING DIFFICULT THING TO ACCOMPLISH, SO I GUESS I AM FORCED TO GIVE PROPS TO THAT. CG: BUT THAT DOES NOT NEGATE THE ESTABLISHED *FACT* THAT THEY ARE THE WORST THINGS I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY EXISTENCE. CG: THEY MAKE ME WANT TO STAB MY EYES OUT AND BE BLIND FOR THE REST OF MY WAKING LIFE. CG: I WON’T EVEN GET TEREZI TO TEACH ME HOW TO SEE BECAUSE THAT WOULD ENABLE ME TO BE ABLE TO TAKE A WHIFF OF THE SHIT PEOPLE PUT ON THE INTERNET. CG: I’LL JUST GO THROUGHOUT MY LIFE BEING PERFECTLY FUCKING CONTENT WITH BEING ABLE TO SEE JACK SHIT.

TG: are you the guy who sent me that ten page rant then TG: because that was fucking amazing TG: best goddamn thing i ever seen TG: highlight of the year

CG: IF THOSE GOD-FORSAKEN MEMES BECOME THE MEME OF THE YEAR, I WILL FIND SOME WAY TO MURDER YOU IN THE MOST SLOW AND PAINFUL WAY POSSIBLE.

TG: ouch TG: guess im going to have to resign myself to my death TG: because that meme is the best TG: it will live on for generations TG: it will never get old TG: we will be on the edge of death all wrinkled and dying of whatever old people die of TG: like a heart attack or something TG: and then i will turn to the nearest person and speak with my dying breath TG: “maybe one day my death will come so i never have to look at your god-forsaken channel ever again, you complete and utter douche muffin” TG: and then theyll start laughing because they love that fucking meme TG: memorized the entire goddamned thing TG: it will be taught in schools TG: kids will have to recite an excerpt of it to the class TG: analyze the shit out of it TG: where does all this guys anger come from TG: nobody knows TG: theyll just have to guess until theyre blue in the face

CG: THE WORDS. THEY DON’T STOP. CG: I’VE JUST BEEN OVER HERE POLITELY WAITING TO SEE IF YOU WOULD BURN YOURSELF OUT. CG: BUT APPARENTLY YOU HAVE THE ABILITY TO GO ON FOR UNTIL AFTER THE UNIVERSE END UNLESS SOMEONE SHUTS YOU UP. CG: AND CLEARLY THE UNIVERSE HAS GRANTED ME THIS VERY IMPORTANT RESPONSIBILITY TO MAKE SURE YOU DON’T RUN YOUR MOUTH FOR ALL ETERNITY.

TG: clearly the greatest honor to ever be granted to someone TG: the privilege to tell the dave strider to shut his pothole

CG: SHUT YOUR POTHOLE.

TG: hahahaha TG: on a completely different note what even made you write a ten page rant about my channel anyways

CG: MOSTLY THE FACT THAT IT WAS A STUPID CHANNEL. CG: BUT ALSO THE FACT THAT IT WAS THREE AM, AND I HADN’T SLEPT FOR A WHILE.

TG: so what youre telling me is TG: you *actually* sent me a ten page rant when you were that sleep deprived TG: no wonder it was so incoherent

CG: I COULD PROBABLY HAVE WRITTEN IT BETTER IF I WASN’T SO TIRED. CG: IT WOULD HAVE BEEN THE BEST GODDAMNED PIECE OF WRITING IN ALL OF PARADOX SPACE CG: NOTHING ELSE COULD EVER COMPETE TO THE MASTERPIECE I WOULD HAVE CREATED. CG: HOWEVER, INSTEAD, MY PAST SELF, AND BY THAT I MEAN *MYSELF*, WRITES A HEAPING PILE OF FESTERING SHIT.

TG: point taken TG: the question here is TG: will you ever write this masterpiece TG: will i ever get the pleasure of reading this glorious piece of hate mail directed towards yours truly

CG: NO.

TG: wow harsh TG: shut down immediately TG: didnt even get to go on a weirdly personal tangent TG: would have been fantastic TG: i have no conceivable idea of where it would have gone TG: but i can guarantee it would have been the second best thing in the universe TG: second only to the hypothetical rewrite of the glorious hate mail that you sent me

CG: AND IT WILL STAY HYPOTHETICAL FOR ALL OF ETERNITY. CG: I REFUSE TO EMBARRASS MYSELF LIKE THAT EVER AGAIN. CG: HOW DID I EVEN GET TO THE POINT IN MY LIFE WHERE I AM MESSAGING YOU. CG: OH, WAIT. NOW I REMEMBER. CG: IT WAS BECAUSE YOU WEREN’T A COMPLETE ASSHOLE IN PERSON. CG: CLEARLY THAT DOES NOT TRANSFER OVER TO TEXT.

TG: im hurt karkat

CG: SUCK IT UP, DINGUS.

TG: dave actually TG: i dont know if i actually introduced myself to you

CG: I DON’T THINK YOU DID EITHER. CG: ALTHOUGH, I THINK YOUR SISTER INTRODUCED YOU, BUT IT OCCURS TO ME THAT I DIDN’T ACTUALLY CATCH YOUR NAME WHEN SHE SAID IT. CG: IT’S A MIRACLE YOU ACTUALLY REMEMBERED MY NAME.

TG: what can i say im good with names TG: and also multiple people said it in my presence so i guess there is also that

CG: I GUESS

TG: …

CG: …

TG: …

CG: …

CG: I CAN’T BELIEVE BOTH OF US ARE OUT OF THINGS TO SAY FOR ONCE.

TG: huh TG: i suppose so TG: …

CG: I GUESS YOU COULD PESTER ME IF YOU EVER FIND SOMETHING TO RUN YOUR MOUTH ABOUT. CG: OR I’LL TROLL YOU ABOUT SOMETHING OR OTHER. CG: LATER THOUGH. CG: BYE.

TG: see ya

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

You sigh, a bit sad that the conversation ended, and then you immediately decide to inform others of this happening.

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --

TG: rose rose youll never guess what happened

-- tentacleTherapist [TT] is an idle chum! --

TG: i guess you will never guess what happened since you arent even hear to guess TG: what are you even doing TG: please dont tell me you went into your writing bunker TG: if you did i wont be able to talk to you for at least a week if not more TG: and no one else will be able to either TG: what if kanaya tries to message you TG: assuming you actually exchanged contact information TG: how long ago did you even do that TG: how could you not tell your own brother that you got a girls chumhandle TG: have you asked her out yet TG: it would be great if you were on a date instead of in the writing bunker TG: then people could actually contact you and you wouldnt be completely isolating yourself from the rest of the world other than brief trips outside to get food TG: anyway karkat messaged me and we had a conversation TG: i would tell you more about it but it seems you are an idle chum TG: pester me later if you want the details

-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC] --

TG: tz youll never guess what just happened

GC: 1M GO1NG TO T4K3 4 W1LD GU3SS 4ND S4Y TH4T K4RK4T F1N4LLY GOT 4ROUND TO M3SS4G1NG YOU

TG: youd be correct TG: how did you know TG: i mean i know that he got my chumhandle from you but also he refused to message me for weeks

GC: 1 H4V3 4 C3RT41N T4L3NT FOR KNOW1NG TH3S3 SORTS OF TH1NGS GC: 4ND 4LSO K4RK4T 1S Y3LL1NG 4T M3 1N 4NOTH3R CH4T GC: 1 H4V3 OPT3D TO 1GNOR3 H1M FOR NOW GC: 4NYW4Y, WH4T D1D YOU TWO T4LK 4BOUT

TG: we talked about memes

CG: M3M3S?

TG: yes memes TG: specifically the memes that erupted after the rant video

GC: OF COURS3 GC: H3 W4S V3RY 4NGRY 4BOUT THOS3 GC: WH1CH R3M1NDS M3, WHY D1D H3 M3SS4G3 YOU 1N TH3 F1RST PL4C3 1F H3 W4S SO 4G41NST 1T B3FOR3?

TG: okay so remember the cute boy i was talking about like two days ago

GC: Y34H

TG: that was karkat

GC: … GC: … GC: …

TG: terezi?? TG: did i actually break you or do you just need a moment to process the information i just gave you TG: yo tz i need some confirmation that you did not just die from an overload of information TG: hit me up with your response TG: are you alive

GC: NO

TG: thank god youre not dead

GC: TH4TS WH4T TH3 GOV3RNM3NT W4NTS YOU TO TH1NK

TG: shit youre right TG: the government is doing all this nasty shit and now they are making it so we think we arent dead TG: how do we know the government isnt dead though

GC: SHHHHHH GC: TH3S3 4R3 TOP S3CR3T GOV3RNM3NT S3CR3TS YOUR3 SPR34D1NG 4BOUT GC: YOUV3 GOT TO B3 MOR3 D1SCR3T3

TG: discrete is my middle name

GC: NO, YOUR3 M1DDL3 N4M3 1S 3L1Z4B3TH

TG: shit you got me there

GC: 4ND YOU 4R3 4BOUT 4S D1SCR3T3 4S 4 TR41N CR4SH GC: YOU COULDNT BE D1SCR3T3 1F YOUR L1F3 D3P3ND3D ON 1T

TG: those are some harsh words

GC: 4R3 TH3Y WRONG?

TG: …

GC: 1 R3ST MY C4S3 GC: 4NYW4Y, W3 H4V3 GOTT3N 3NT1IR3LY OFF TR4CK FROM TH3 CONV3RS4T1ON 4T H4ND GC: R3G4RDL3SS OF HOW MUCH FUN W3 W3R3 H4V1NG W1TH TH1S S3CR3CY T4LK GC: WH4T 4BOUT K4RK4T M33T1NG YOU 1N R34L L1F3 CH4NG3D H1S M1ND 4BOUT M3SS4G1NG YOU?

TG: i honestly dont know for sure but he said something about me actually not seeming like a complete douchebag in real life

GC: M4K3S S3NS3 W1TH HOW FLUST3R3D 1 4M 4SSUM1NG YOU W3R3 GC: TH3 GUY W4S COMPL41N1NG HOW YOU W3R3 COMPL3T3LY MONOTON3 1N 4LL OF YOUR V1D3OS GC: 4ND TH3N H3 S33S YOU H4V3 4N 4CTU4L 3MOT1ON >:O GC: 3SP3C14LLY 4N 3MOT1ON WH3R3 YOU SHOW TH4T YOU L1K3 H1M GC: TH3 GUY 1S 4 SUCK3R FOR ROM3NC3 GC: NOV3LS 4ND MOV13S 4L1K3

TG: holy fuck TG: i cant believe i kind of flirted with a hopeless romantic

GC: 1 HOP3 YOU DONT TH1NK TH4T H3 W1LL D4T3 YOU JUST B3C4US3 OF TH4T

TG: of course not TG: im not some goddamned creeper TG: if he doesnt want to date me thats fine TG: it would be great to be friends with him at least TG: i had fun talking to him earlier

GC: D4V3

TG: what

GC: 1S TH4T 4N 3MOT1ON 1 SM3LL?

TG: oh my god tz we are not doing this for the hundredth time TG: we get it TG: i TG: the cool kid TG: has emotions like every other human being on the planet TG: its not such a surprise anymore

GC: YOU H4V3 4N 3N1R3 GRUBTUB3 CH4NN3L D3D1C4T3D TO R3V13W1NG TH1NGS 1N TH3 MOST 3MOT1ONL3SS W4Y POSS1BL3

TG: … TG: ok thats fair

GC: BUT 1M W4RN1NG YOU NOW 4BOUT K4RK4TS LOV3 OF ROMCOMS GC: H3 W1LL T4LK 4T L3NGTH 4BOUT TH3M 4ND TH3R3 1S ABSOLUT3LY NOTH1NG YOU C4N DO TO PR3V3NT TH4T FROM H4PP3N1NG GC: SO YOU M1GHT 4S W3LL G1V3 UP HOP3 NOW

TG: god damn TG: and here i was TG: woefully unprepared for the potential onslaught of romcoms TG: and then you come along TG: with all your future knowledge and shit like a some kind of seer or something TG: and allowed me to arm myself with the knowledge that karkat really fucking loves romcoms TG: thank you for you have done a great deed

GC: JUST W41T UNT1L H3 FORC3S YOU TO W4TCH TH3M

TG: is that a thing he does TG: aggressively shoves romcoms into his friends faces TG: how are yall still sane

GC: 4T SOM3 PO1NT YOU L34RN TO 4CC3PT YOUR F4T3 B3C4US3 1T 1S E4S13R 1N TH3 LONG RUN GC: 4ND T4K3S UP L3SS T1M3 GC: YOU C4N 4LSO JUST F4LL 4SL33P DUR1NG TH3 MOV13 GC: K4RK4T W1LL B3 TOO 1NTO TH3 MOV13 TO 4CTU4LLY C4R3

TG: good to know TG: i thank you for the sheer amount of wisdom you hold

GC: YOUR3 W3LCOM3 GC: OH 1 H4V3 TO GO NOW GC: 1 H4V3 4 D4T3 GC: >;]

-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

TG: wait hold on who are you going on a date with TG: shit TG: youre already gone TG: ill weasel the truth out of you sooner or later TG: or i guess youll just tell me TG: same difference really TG: or maybe not TG: whatever TG: case still stands that i will find out who you are going on a date with TG: i want details TG: except maybe not really TG: i would rather a brief overview of the date if that is possible TG: please dont go into weird tangents about how much you licked them TG: because that would be awkward and weird TG: anyway TG: later

-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC] --

You decide to take the remainder of the day to work on some more videos. After all, you know Terezi will probably tell you who she went on a date with sooner or later, and Karkat said he might message you in the future. You can't help but smile at that. He was fun to talk to, so it would be nice to hear from him again.

#davekat #dave strider #karkat vantas #terezi pyrope #homestuck #rose lalonde #pesterlogs

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