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#i just had the urge to put this down
araiz-zaria · 1 year
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roseworth · 1 year
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i love this one. btw. if you even care.
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ratwars · 2 months
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End of an era. I donated my instruments today.
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iniziare · 14 days
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Tag drop: Jing Yuan (incomplete, but the rest will be added behind the scenes) (... and a little return of Yelan's aesthetic, for I've missed her desperately)
#tag drop#jing yuan. [ history will make its own judgment. if i succeed; it will state that i am supremely confident in my masterful strategy. ]#jing yuan: ic. [ but if I fail; then all will state that i am neglecting my duties in wanton pleasure. preferring finches over my people. ]#jing yuan: inquiries. [ if you want to distract me with questions; i urge you to stop. / ah. how could you suspect such malice? ]#jing yuan: countenance. [ he is also a master of the arts of concealment. when he decides to “show” something: it's time to be careful. ]#jing yuan: introspection. [ the xianzhou has very few legends. for what room is there to create legends among those who do not die? ]#jing yuan: meta. [ have you memorized all that? / yes general. / very good. but only when you've forgotten it: will you be ready. ]#jing yuan: little notes. [ it is a warrior's game. singular encounters with endless possibilities. ]#jing yuan: wishes. [ the pieces are like us; each with its sentience. there is no going back on the board; how can one return to the past?#jing yuan: etc. [ only the truly wise can stand proud in front of the undefeated enemy called time. ]#jing yuan: the luofu. [ they name the xianzhou luofu as just xianzhou; but one is not the other. the luofu is the luofu. it is no more. ]#jing yuan: cloud knights. [ the cloud knights entrusted their lives to me. i shall not fail them. ]#jing yuan: wave-treading snow lion. [ how could i turn down looking after a long-extinct little animal to help continue its lineage? ]#jing yuan: high-cloud quintet. [ the past cannot be pursued; but the future can still be hoped for. ]#jing yuan: yanqing. [ it is my fault. i should have given him an opportunity already. “a sharp sword can't stay sheathed forever." ]#jing yuan: jingliu. [ in an endless night… there is nothing closer than the bright moon: always hanging in the sky. ]#jing yuan: blade. [ it is never wise to put down the hammer and take up the sword. ]#jing yuan: dan heng. [ bygones are bygones. but sometimes i wish things had turned out differently. ]#jing yuan: v. youth. [ ah. that carefree new cloud knight recruit. i was like that once upon a time. but it was a long while ago… ]
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themoonking · 11 months
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see someone spreading misinformation about ancient greece online, gently correct them, they say "well discerning whats canon and whats fanon in greek mythology is really difficult". i am killed instantly.
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transsexual-divinity · 6 months
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First ever tattoo before/after
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toytulini · 1 year
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idk. picky eater rights. im coming to your events and turning my picky bitch nose up at your fancy ass desserts you spent a bajillion hours working over in the kitchen and asking if i can find like a basic ass brownie with no extra flairs or ingredients or steps or whatever the fuck. cry about it. stop trying to feed me
#toy txt post#they gotta have some picky eater bitches be the judges on those food competition shows i stg#sorry for committing the unforgivable sin of my tastebuds didnt enjoy the food you made. it was intended as a personal slight actually#i am trying to offend you for real. yeah. thats definitely whats happening. god/sssss#like god irl if i dont like food you made ill try to be fuckin gracious about it buf dont fucking get mad at me for like. idk. prepping my#own foods you percieve as worth less or whatever the fuck. ppl are so fucking weird about food.#honestly guy on prev post didnt even dislike the cake it sounded like but was just experiencing the human emotion of disappointment#when the little specific joy he was looking forward too was not what he expected. if she had asked him 'do you mind if i make a similar cake#that is not the exact same as the one you asked for? maybe he wouldve been fine cos he wouldnt have been looking forward to that specific#thing. OR maybe he wouldve said if youre not going to make this very specific one im looking forward to then dont bother i dont want you#wasting the time and effort and then she wouldnt have been mad. or maybe she wouldve. ppl do get weird about that kind of thing#maybe saying that wouldve been a crime too. guess that dumb asshole shouldve shut up and eaten his stupid cake and enjoyed it and said#nothing. a recipe for happiness#anyway. hot take ig stop putting nuts in desserts. alllergy havers will prolly thank you but you know who else will thank you?#every day i see takes about food that make me think i really should be more of a picky bitch eater on maim to knock yall pretentious#food fuckers down a peg tbh. every day i resist the urge but god how yall test me. let me be the judge on a cooking show.#weird assholes who are rude abt ppl having allergies or sensory issues: come here. im going to break you#anyway more of us picky bitches who are picky just for like. casual reasons. we should he loud picky bitches on main. if a cook or baker or#whatever can accommodate my picky bitch ass thats difficult to feed for no reason we can be sure they can accommodate allergy havers#and ppl w medical restricted diets. if they can be gracious about me just not vibing w the food then they can def be gracious about more#sensitive reasons. yea i could choke down the food i dont like probably. it wouldnt make me throw up or send me to the hospital. but why#should i? if youre an asshole to me about simply not liking your shit then why the hell would i feel safe disclosing medical info to your#bitch ass? why would i trust you to follow it? and not try to sneak some shit in bc you think you know better about food?#anyway#picky eater rights. let ppl be picky for no apparent reason. cos the ppl who have uwu Good Valid Reasons(tm) dont fucking owe you that#explanation
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keeps-ache · 8 months
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it's actually very mean that i can't have emojis of my ocs just on my computer. i just think it would be much more convenient for when i have to say the Guys are in my brain but i also have no words..
#just me hi#i'm thinkin#and i mean like standard emoji. mostly bc artstreet dms don't let you put up actual images so i have to resort to detailing actual thoughts#Hfbshfv#//anywho so whenever i'm outside by myself i always get the Strongest urge to just start walking and not stop forever hfvhs#i will just Go#no objective no location. but i will be Moving#i Would do that but in order to get a satisfying amount of distance between me and People i have to walk down the road and mm i am nervous#abt doin that fvhsbh#like country roads... i may not come home.... south virginiaaaa hfbvsfhbsv#plus everyone drives crazy out here. when we moved out here we almost got sideswiped by a funkin fedex truck over a little hill#and of Course it was a fedex truck man. we've Never had a near-accident with Any usps trucks hfbvshvs#oh and also the local mailman drives like a maniac too <3 almost had a head-on collision once which was. neat lmao#like maybe 20 feet from slamming into each other which Is Not Much when you're in a car bfh#/Also people just let their dogs run out wild n crazy and :( i don't think they're properly trained to be letting them do that Aha#rode my bike out once with my brother + two of the neighbor's dogs tried ta jump us it sucked#now we don't go past their driveway so we don't ride out very far#//also hey our driveway is Ridiculous ??? ik we've been living here for like 2 years i'm still not over it lmaoohvf#it's like a 40-45 degree angle this is just silly#and listen i'm barely figuring out how my legs even work again. do you think i'm having a good time up that hill because i'm nOT#though you know what it's fine ! not many people come up our drive bc geez why Would you lmao#except for that one lady that asked for directions and then miiight have gotten lost again immediately after leaving HH#//okay. yea anyway the p1nk space is really in my brain rn hbfhvs#really i don't think i've ever been so interested in a project before this is so cool lol :D#marveling at the fact that anything was able to keep my interest for longer than 5 months Hbsh#//anywhoodle do i'm gonna skedaddle#prolly gonna rerun a couple things in a seccy but ye :33
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glass-trash-bab · 1 year
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I always get the urge to post on tumblr when I'm feeling crazy. Most of the time, it's from lack of sleep.
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lovsome · 11 months
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i need to vent about SH (tw !!!!!) for a sec in the tags bc i am feeling very overwhelmed sorry
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munadyke · 11 months
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neverendingford · 1 month
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#tag talk#I've gotten pretty good at talking in such a way as to reassure and assuage peoples doubts.#currently working on selling my electric piano on fb marketplace (I had to make a new account for it cause I deleted my old one years ago)#and there's a lot of automatic suspicion people have that it might be a scam. but there's a lot of details you can add to fight that.#when working out a time to meet. mention you have a job or mention things you'll be doing when you're busy.#people love pictures or videos because we still have that inherent trust that videos and photos can't be faked.#I used that one a lot of grindr. a lot of people would just use the same two or three grainy photos so sending fresh photos occasionally..#-occasionally would stand out against everyone else who puts no effort into their profile.#there's just so many little ways to communicate authenticity but you can't try too hard or you'll come across as scammy.#idk though. maybe my inability to conceive of anyone mistrusting me makes me also just seem trustworthy.#in nursing I could gain paranoid residents trust really easily and could calm down anxious residents by just explaining the process to them.#which honestly is a victory for the autistic urge to just explain everything and then maybe explain it again and again#idk. I just try so fucking hard to be genuine and authentic in everything I do and that's kind of a skill you can artificially apply#like how you can learn to be kinder to people. learn to be more patient. learn to be more loving. likewise you learn to be more authentic#*whispers* (which also helps on the offchance you do need to lie about something. people believe you about that too)#but lying isn't something you ever want to get caught at because that shatters your whole reputation and then you're fucked#but you know what? confessing a lie yourself boosts your credibility massively. if you think you're about to get caught? get ahead of it#turn a lie into a mistake you feel oh so guilty about so you just had to say something and suddenly you're a golden child with integrity#anyway this has been manipulation 101#use your powers for good not evil or whatever. you want people to like you and if you ever fuck up and lie they won't like you so don't
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that-sarcastic-writer · 2 months
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Too Sweet
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Logan Howlett X F!Reader
Summary: you tell Logan not to hold back anymore. And who is he to deny his sweet girlfriend anything? This is just porn without plot
Wrote this with Xmen/X2 Logan in mind but you may picture whichever Logan suits your needs
Warnings: explicit sexual content, minors dni, piv, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it my children), oral (f receiving), fingering, soft rough sex, Logan talks you through it, creampie, choking, the claws make an appearance (duh), Logan is obsessed with his girl, established relationship
WC: 3.2K
A/N: SOMETHING SHORT SHE SAID. I need to be put down. I am feral over this man. Seeing DP&W got me acting tf up. It put me back into my Logan obsession so I rewatched all of his movies. And now I need him. So here you go. Might write more with him soon. For now is this.
Follow my reading blog to stay updated with my works if you’d like to see more @midnightreadinglibrary
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You were sweet. You were, oh, so sweet. Such a pretty sweet thing. You were so going to be the death of him. Playing with the strings of his sanity, of his composure. Worst of all, you were doing nothing at all to make him go insane. Other than love and care for him that was.
He tried, he really did, he tried to keep himself under control when he was with you, and he was doing a pretty good job of it so far. But god, today, today you were going to make him loose his fucking mind. He had decided to visit you, unannounced he stopped by your apartment. And what did he find? You, in the kitchen, in nothing but a red flannel, his red flannel. Speechless, he was. 
Logan stood in silence, blinking slowly as his eyes took in every part of you with growing intensity. Your legs were bare, your ass barely covered by the length of his shirt and you seemed rather happy like this. Is this what you did when he wasn’t around? And why did the sight of you suddenly wake deep within him an overwhelming need to ruin you? 
Almost as if the intensity of his presence got your absentminded attention, you turned your head to find him standing in the entryway with an unreadable expression. And though a little bit flustered by his unannounced visit, you welcomed him with a soft smile.
“Hi Logan.” You greeted him with glee, all but skipping over to him to greet him properly, of course. You were standing on the ends of your toes and throwing your arms over his broad shoulders while he just stood in ominous silence, only a deep exhale leaving his lips. “Are you okay baby?”
“Yeah.” His voice strained with restraint as he fought the deep urge to throw you over the nearest flat surface. Instead he simply placed his hands on your hips, squeezing unevenly as he gave you an eyebrow raise. “New shirt?”
“Oh,” Your lips fell open in a bit of embarrassment and you laughed softly, flustered as you looked down at the shirt that was clearly not yours. It kind of smelled like him still. “Yeah so, my washer broke, I don’t know what happened to it, and I couldn’t find anything comfortable so… Does it bother you?”
Did it bother him? The only thing that was bothering him was his already hard cock straining against his jeans. 
“A pretty girl in my clothes? I would be fucking stupid.” 
The way his words left his mouth made you laugh. But the look in those hazel eyes was anything but humorous. Animalistic and full of need. Your lips curled up into a smile as he leaned down to crash his lips against yours. Messily and intensely his lips moved against yours as his hands squeezed and touched everywhere he could, as if he didn’t know which part of you he craved to feel more. 
“You’d look prettier on your back though.” He muttered against your mouth, lightly nipping at your bottom lip. You were more than happy to comply.
A string of giggles left your lips as his lips tickled over your stomach. You laid flat on the soft covers as Logan settled between the warmth of your thighs. He pried your legs open, fingers digging into your skin as his sharp canines lightly nipped at the plush flesh on your inner thigh. You gasped, though overwhelmed with excitement.
“Logan.” You scolded him, knowing you would have a mark there, but the sound of your voice turned into a delicious whine when he pressed his nose into your panties, inhaling that oh so intoxicating scent of yours. 
An almost animalistic growl rumbled in his chest, “I’ve been thinkin’ about this sweet pussy all day.” He pressed a hard kiss to your hole, the bridge of his nose bumping your clothed clit. The sudden pressure had you gasping for air, your chest pounding with anticipation.
Your panties were off your body and thrown over his shoulder in a split second, his lips latching on to your clit with reckless urgency. One would think this man hadn’t seen you in weeks, when he had seen, and taken you only two nights ago. Alas, that was one the things you loved the most about Logan, his unending need to touch you, to feel you, to be all over you. You thought he would get tired eventually, but his drive was almost animalistic. He never had enough, though he often held back for your sake. 
His tongue lapped at your pussy with abandon. From your hole to your clit, circling and sucking before diving back into your walls. Squirming, you were chasing his mouth with your hips, body overcome with pleasure as he worked your walls. It annoyed him at times, the way your hips moved and lifted off the mattress with sensitivity as he fucked you with his tongue, when his nose brushed against your clit. With a frustrated grunt, he grabbed a hold of your thighs and pressed your knees against your stomach, holding you down and spreading you open for him to do as he pleased. 
“You squirm too fucking much.” He huffed, but there was a slight bit of amusement laced in his tongue.
Your response came in the form of a whimper, a pathetic sound that only grew louder when two thick fingers replaced his tongue inside your wet hole. He looked up at you with pure primal need as his fingers worked your tight walls, crooking against that one spot that had you crying.
“Please, please Logan.” You didn’t know what you were pleading for. Mercy? Sweet release? To be ruined? You didn’t know. 
Logan raised an amused eyebrow at you, wet lips curled up into a tiny smirk as he moved his tongue back to your clit. He licked and sucked to match each delicious drag of his fingers. The sounds leaving him were just as filthy as the things he was doing to you, groaning and grunting into your pussy as he ate you like a starving man. 
It was no surprise that he had you shaking and crying, overcome with pleasure, eyes blurry with tears, your release rapidly approaching. You latched on to his hair, tugging and pulling at the strands as your pathetic sounds filled the room. 
“That feels so—ugh—feels so good—please.” Were you making any sense? No. Did he care? Fuck no. Seeing you so desperate, so consumed with pleasure, a complete and utter mess for him, it snapped something in him. Deep inside the most perveted and secluded corner of his mind, he liked it. And though he shouldn’t, he wanted more. 
Your release was hard and sudden, your loud sounds were almost as overwhelming as the feeling of his tongue still lapping at your sensitive clit. You were writhing on the mattress, nearly crying as you had no option but to take it, it wasn’t like you could run away, not with the way his free held you down, one hand of his was stronger than all of you combined. All you could do was sob and pull at his hair as he dragged out your orgasm. 
“L-Logan.” You pleaded weakly, throat dry as you pushed yourself up on your elbows, chest glistening with a layer of sweet, lightly clinging to the fabric of Logan’s shirt. All you could see was his dark hair before his eyes met yours. The look behind his eyes was indescribable but it had you clenching you around nothing when his fingers left you. 
Your thighs twitched in aftershock when his mouth left you. You felt him press his forehead against your thighs, his hardened breath fanning against your hot skin for a long second. He needed a second to calm down, keep himself under control, he couldn’t let his primal instincts get the best of him.
You ran your fingers along his face, threading through the hair along his cheek and you silently ushered him up. He complied, in an instant settling between your open legs to find your mouth again. You could taste yourself on his lips, on his tongue, it was all so much for your clouded mind. His fingers were on your hair as his mouth took yours with growing urgency. You could feel him through the roughness of his jeans, brushing against your clit in ways that made you dizzy. You needed him, and you needed him bad. You reached down, trembling fingers fumbling with his belt, but before you could undress him he was pulling back, rough fingers holding your wrist.
“Hold on, just hold on a minute.” He was breathing hard, chest pounding as he looked at your confused face. 
“Wait, why? What's wrong?” God, you were too sweet, too kind for him, he couldn’t do it. 
“I just… Shit.” He closed his eyes, jaw set as tried to control his clouded mind, but he could only do so much to restrain all of the filthy things he craved to do to you. The way you were looking up at him, eyes big with concern, gentle hands holding his face, preventing him from going anywhere. “I think we should stop. I should stop.”
“Oh… I mean.. We can stop whenever but.. Why? Did I do something wrong?” You were sitting up, and the sadness and disappointment in your pretty eyes made him curse at himself.
“No. No. Fuck, no. I’m the problem. I don’t think I can hold myself back anymore.” He finally admitted it, words leaving his chest with heaviness. Your face remained the same, confused.
“Well, why would you? I never asked you to.” It finally dawned on you what he meant, and you were unbothered, if anything the look on your face was of eagerness. With malice, you threw your legs around his waist, pulling him closer. “I don’t want you to hold back with me.”
“Sweetheart..” He was warning you, voice rumbling in his chest as he closed his eyes, one last attempt to keep his composure before it was inevitably too late.
“I won’t break Logan. I trust you. And I want it.” Your last words came out with sharpness, a grueling intensity that had him groaning under his breath. You pressed a kiss to his jaw, almost as if to emphasize your point. And it was like a switch flipped in his head. 
With an uneven breath he was sitting up on his knees, white undershirt thrown to be forgotten somewhere in your room. And you were happily delighted as you watched him toss his belt aside and undo his jeans. He pulled his cock out of his pants with a strained groan and you were holding your breath in anticipation, legs open and welcoming him. His eyes were dark with pure raw desire as he settled between your legs, cock hard and heavy as he kicked the rest of his clothes off like it had insulted him.
“Don’t fucking hold back.” You snapped at him as he held himself up on his forearm, his other hand holding himself against your entrance. Your words shot straight to his cock and his lips curled up into a grin.
“Hold on, pretty.” He rumbled, chest heavy as he sank himself into your wet cunt in one single thrust.
Your lips fell open, eyes instantly rolling at the delicious feeling of his thick and heavy cock splitting you open. It was an intoxicating feeling you couldn’t get enough of; you were fucking sure he had ruined every other man for you. Not that it bothered you. 
The pace he set was grueling from the start, one hand braced on your pillow beside your head and the other on your thigh, rough fingers feeling up and down the skin as he drove his cock in and out of your walls. Sounds of pleasure left your lips almost immediately as the sting of his cock had you dragging your nails up and down his back, leaving red angry marks that healed in a split second. He absolutely adored the burning sensation your nails left on his skin, over and over. 
It was brutal, the way his hips drove you into the mattress as he fucked the life out of you. You did ask him to, you realized that perhaps your lack of restraint when it came to him would indeed be the end of you today, but at least you’d die happy by his cock. His forehead touched yours, eyes on your chest as he forced the buttons of his shirt open. His hand immediately cupped your breast, squeezing and he forced your body up and down on the mattress with each relentless snap of his hips. You cried out, head thrown back as your cunt squeezed his cock, unable to do much other than take everything he had to give you. His hand traveled up your chest to your exposed neck, fingers sprawled over your throat but not putting pressure. 
“Yes. Please, yes, do it.” Delirious, cock-drunk, fucked out, you might have been all of those things, but you were perfectly aware of him surrounding you, caging you in, consuming you. And you wanted all of it.
“Fuck, pretty.” His lips brushed yours as his fingers lightly squeezed your throat. He could feel the air leaving your tightening throat, and the way you squeezed his cock in response had him creasing his eyebrows with pleasure. “This what you wanted? You just wanted it rough, huh?”
You were nodding your head, breathless as blood rushed to your face, the lack of blood flow making you all the more delirious. Absolutely lost, so deep within your pleasure that your brain wasn’t working anymore. All that was consuming your mind was Logan, his scent, his sounds, the tip of his cock brushing that spot that had you squirming. You didn’t even realize tears were coating your cheeks, so lost that your moans had turned into cries. 
“Shh, it’s okay, you’re okay.” The hand on your neck moved to swipe away your tears as he leaned down to kiss your cheek in an attempt to bring you back to reality, the gentle gesture a juxtaposition to the ruthless drag of his cock. “There’s not a single thought in that pretty head of yours, huh?”
He adjusted himself above you, his chest pressed against yours, thick hairs tickling your skin with each deep stroke. There was a bit of smugness on his pleasured expressions, seeing you so utterly out of it, his cock being the reason. Seeing such a sweet little thing coming completely undone by his hand gave him a sense of satisfaction that made his cock twitch. 
He held your face, watching the way your eyes rolled back with pleasure, the crease in your eyebrows and your soft lips parted as filthy sounds left you. It was the prettiest of things.
“It just feels so good, huh? Can’t even talk.” he huffed a laugh, his nose brushing against yours as his free hand found your swollen clit and you were gasping as your thighs shuddered, sweet release building. “Talk to me, pretty girl. Tell me how good it feels. ‘Cause this sure feels so fucking good to me.” 
“Mhmm!” It took your brain a long minute to register his words, it was damn near impossible to focus on anything when his cock was making you feel so good, when you could feel your release so close. “Feels so good—Please, need it. Logan please.”
Who was he to ever deny his sweet girl anything? 
Logan moved his free hand to one of your thighs, holding it and bending it so that one of your knees was damn near next to your head. He drilled into you, fucking you into the matress and rubbing harsh circles on your swollen clit until you were nothing but a shaking, sobbing mess, filled with the neverending bliss of your release. 
“That’s it, atta girl.” He pressed his lips to your bruised lips, swallowing the pathetic sounds of your orgasm as he continued to chase his own. Your release seeped through his cock as his hand left your clit. He braced himself on the pillow beside your head he continued to fuck you into his release. “You’re doing so well sweetheart, take it just like that.”
Tears pricked at your eyes as you sobbed, the hairs at the base of his cock grazing your clit as he abused your hole. Desperate hands latched on to his hair as you held him, simply taking everything he had to give you. He was close, so incredibly close, composure completely gone from his body as he chased his release with selfish abandon. He dropped his face into your neck, sharp canines nipping at the soft skin, surely to leave a mark or two.
“Please Logan. Come in me. Please, I need it—” Though broken, in between pathetic whimpers you pleaded to him. And if he had any self-restraint left it was fucking gone.
The sound that rumbled in Logan’s chest was purely animalistic, a feral growl and the sound of metallic sharp claws rang in your ears next to your head. You gasped in pleasant surprise, moaning at the thought of him losing control like this. It should concern him, it should. But he couldn’t give one fuck. He coated your insides with his release, eyes closed and eyebrows creased into this twisted expression of rapture. With a couple final thrusts he pumped you full of himself until you were leaking around his cock. Only then did he still his pistoning hips. 
“Fuck.” You heard him grunt in your ear, followed by the sound of his claws sheathing back into his knuckles. Your eyes widened with aftershock and your wash chest was heavy as you panted. 
Logan lifted his head from your neck to look at you, heavy breaths leaving his chest as he tried to bring himself back to reality.
“I… I didn’t mean to..” He trailed off, though slightly apologetic as he caught a glimpse of the three punctured holes on your pillow, he did not regret it one bit. You were quickly shaking your head at him, a tired smile on your face.
“Don’t be. That was like, so hot.” You bit your lip, throwing your arms over his broad shoulders as you pulled him into a kiss. He hummed, hand beside your head as he brushed your hair out of your face. “You owe me some new pillows though.”
“Yeah? Might owe you more than that then.” A smug smirk replaced his concern as he rolled his hips, making you aware of his still hard cock, hot and heavy in your walls. You gasped, wide eyes meeting his own. “What? You thought I was done with you?” 
With a hold of your arm he flipped you on your stomach, the sudden movement making you whimper. But the thought of him taking you over and over sure had you eager in anticipation. Though as his cock sunk into your cunt once more you were beginning to wonder just how much your curiosity was going to cost you. Surely a whole day in bed tomorrow would be in order. He was so going to be the death of you. Little did you know, you were already going to be his.
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toastsnaffler · 4 months
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didn't even get to do my ironing :-(
#tw self harm#i was looking forward to it.. i usually find it calming n a nice way to end a weekend#but kept having thoughts abt intentionally burning myself or hitting myself with the iron so im leaving it for another day#its fine if my clothes are a bit crumpled at work anyway. i think i have some extra stuff i ironed i didnt wear last week too#im safe btw its fine ive been using ice + gentle pressure on my skin to take the edge off (i keep my nails too short to scratch dw)#if i did have to cut it wouldnt be ideal but its a neutral act i try not to judge it. but ik its less safe + i dont want it to become#a habit again bc i already let myself do it last weekend and im still a bit frustrated abt it bc id been managing so well#and it was the first time since january. and before then i hadnt since august which is a really big deal for me!#bc last year + year before i was really struggling with reliance on it. i had months where i was doing it daily or every other day#and its hardest to stop when its habitual. once on occasion is much more manageable so lets keep it that way#one day itll be the last time i ever do it and ill be clean the rest of my life but i dont think im near that yet#it feels kind of uncomfortable to type this out but i want to stop keeping my thoughts on s/h in my head bc i get weird abt it#and the last thing i need right now is to get weird abt harming urges again. and i dont think my friends are safe to talk to abt it#so talking on here is the closest thing i have to being open abt it. im tired of it being so stigmatised#ultimately its just a coping mechanism. even if it can be unsafe but like drinking or smoking or whatever to feel better is no safer so#but still i dont want to encourage it. anyway#at least ive calmed down a bit now. and i finished some admin i was putting off earlier#and now i need to sleep bc work tomorrow. just glad the weekend is over its so much easier to cope on work days#just the structure and distraction of it innit. we'll get through this week#and im back on the more stable dose again for meds this week as well so hopefully thatll help#and i think my periods due which has probably been tipping these mood swings over into intolerable#so hopefully thatll start tomorrow or tues and the hormonal shit will recede 🙏#all good. okay im gonna meditate a little and then sleep goodnight 😴#.diaries
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147cookies · 4 months
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man u do not want to know.
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