#i just saw a post on insta saying that finding out one of your professors is like a celebrity in your field makes them intimidating

[billowyy]

.

[impossiblelibrary]

Today's rant brought to you by: Queer Eye Japan, can we all just try to be as kind as they try to be?

After watching the Queer Eye Japan super short season, I wanted to google to see the overall reaction to the show, make sure that my western eyes were correct in seeing the care that was given to the culture. Were cultural taboos, other than being outwardly gay, crossed? So I find this article in the top results and other than the perspective, why tho? Tokyoesque.com had an article with a higher reading level, with surface level appreciation but at least better written.

I can't get over this hate article though. Unfounded, dumb, wrong and incorrect. Do not go forward unless you like that blistering kind of anger from me.

But the reasons just get weaker as the article extends: "Hurts the country it set out to save?" Looking for white savior much? They did not go to save Japan, they gave some free shit to like 4-5 people, think smaller.

Their culture guide wasn't gay enough.

You want to suggest any lgbt insta models or celebrities, use your platform to raises some up?

"There is a growing sexless culture in Japan for married and unmarried people, and it is perilous watching Queer Eye present this without any context behind what is driving this behavior."

Sexiness is what the fab 5 embrace, unfortunately and it was probably discussed behind the scenes of how much talking about sex was allowed or polite and the conversation of not having sex is closer to the tip of the tongue rather than the feeling of sexiness. The West is not the ones blasting that information. It is across multiple Japanese printed newspapers and online stories by now and the "context" is still being discussed and debated amongst Japanese. So I don't think any outsiders should be weighing in or "explaining" this phenomenon. We can repeat what we have been told but guessing at the reasons is not our place. The reasons illustrated by the author of the article seem lacking, a take but not the only one, but who am I to speak on that being in a sexual relationship with someone who pulls from that culture?

Kiko begins to lecture Yoko-san on how she “threw away her womanhood” (referring to a Japanese idiom, onna wo suteru) by going makeup-free and wearing drab, shapeless clothes.

The mistranslation by the subtitles fixed by this author was necessary information. But Kiko didn't lecture her on it, it was brought up by Yoko before any of them arrived, that was her theme, that was what she had decided to focus on. Meanwhile, if you watched Jonathan, he understood there was no time to spend on makeup and skincare so provided her a one instrument, 3 points of color on the skin to feel prettier. That and the entire episode being the 5 treating her like a woman on a date, not trying to hook her up, which is what they did in American eps.

"In teaching a Japanese woman, who already struggles to find time for herself, how to make an English recipe, Antoni is making great TV and nothing more."

So Antoni shouldn't have taught her apple pie because it's too exotic for a Japanese woman. (Can you smell the sexism?)

He didn't make an apple pie, altho Yoko did mention her mother made that for her when she was a kid. He made an apple tartine after going to a Japanese bakery who makes that all the time. Then highlighted the apples came from Fuji in true Japanese media fashion. Honey, American television doesn't usually highlight where the ingredients come from. A Japanese producer told him to do that. So all worries handled within the same ep. She got Japanese ingredients, had the recipe shown to her and then made it for her friends in her own house. Did the author actually watch this show or nah?

"beaten over the head with his western self-help logic. “You have to live for yourself,” he says."

The style of build up the 5 went for was confrontational but in a "I'm fighting for you" way. It's hard to describe, but the best I can say is, a person has multiple voices in their head, from parents, siblings, society, and maybe themselves. By being loud and obnoxious, American staples right there, they are adding one more voice. You deserve this, you are amazing, you are worth it. I know this is against most Japanese cultural modesty, but maybe it shouldn't be.

Sarcasm lies ahead:

Apparently: mispronunciation is microaggressions, not just someone who had a sucky school system. Yea okay, They're laughing at the language not at how stumbling these monolinguals are with visiting another country. Mmhm. Japanese don't say I love you and don't touch and that should stay that way instead of maybe, once in awhile, feeling like they can hug. Yeah, let's just ignore Yoko's break down that she had never hugged her lifelong friend after hugging strangers multiple times. Maid cafes are never sexualized in Japan ever, just don't go down that one street in Akihabara where the men are led off by the hand sheepishly blushing. Gag me. And Japanese men love to cry in front of their wives and would never break down once the wife leaves. I have never seen a Japanese movie showcase that move. Grr.

"I identify as many cultures."

So you're a Japanese man when it's convenient for you to get an article published? Are you nationally Japanese or just ethnically or culturally?

Homeland is an inherently racist word?

"After the Bush administration created the Department of Homeland Security after the 9/11 terrorist attacks, a Republican consultant and speechwriter Peggy Noonan urged, “the name Homeland Security grates on a lot of people, understandably. Homeland isn’t really an American word, it’s not something we used to say or say now.”

Yes, let's use a Washington Post article rather than a etymology professor. Yes, the google search results increased after 2001 Homeland Security was used but the word has been around since the 1660s and I've read multiple turn of the century lit on white people returning to their homeland, i.e. the town off the coast they were born in.

"But" is not disagreeing. I think the repeated offender for the author is the not acknowledging the makeover-ees feelings. But, that is how LGBT have decided to deal with the inner voices that invade from society. They are just that, not our own, they are the influence of society, and we can choose, we have to choose, to be influenced by someone, anyone else.

Karamo can't speak about being black when an Asian is speaking about being Asian, even though the Asian gay man was feeling alone. It's called relating bitches, and I'm done with people saying that is redirecting the conversation, it's extending the conversation. That's how we talk, the spotlight is shared, especially when someone's about to cry and doesn't want to be seen as crying, time to turn the spotlight.

The gay monk wasn't good enough, you should have invited the gay politician.

Yeah, causes I'm sure a politician has all the time in the world for a quick stint and cry. They picked a Japanese monk who travels to NY because they had a guest who travels to the West too. Did you want him to stop traveling back and forth? Did you want a pure, ethnic and cultural Japanese gay man who has no ties to the west to talk to this Western educated young man? Seriously?

This is just not how it works in Japan.

Being in a multi-cultural marriage between two rebels, discussions on facets of culture are plenty in my household. Culture should be respected enough to be considered but not held on a pedestal like we should never adjust or throw some things out. LGBT being quiet and private for instance. "Being seen" was Jonathan's advice, and a good one especially for a Japanese gay man that was called feminine since he was a kid. Some gay men can hide, but as Jonathan said, he couldn't hide what he was, he couldn't hide this. So fuck it. Don't hide. It's actually more dangerous for a feminine man to come off as anxious rather than gay and proud. It makes you more of a target if they think you won't fight back. Proud means, Imma throw hands too, bitch.

This is also from the civil rights playbook going back to Black America: never hold a protest or a fight without the cameras, without being seen. LGBT have found the more seen they are, in media, in the streets, the better off we are. When LGBT Americans were being "private" about our lifestyles, we died, a la 1980s. They won't care if you start dying off if they never saw you to begin with.

And hence why I think the author's real anger is from these 5 being seen dancing flamboyantly in Shibuya, in Harajuku, afforded the privilege of doing this safely because of their tourist status, cameras and very low violence rate in Tokyo, loud and obnoxiously. Honestly, they wouldn't have been invited or nominated if they didn't want that brash American-ness coming into their home, just for a taste, at least.

Here's my real anger, my own jealousy: Japan's queer community currently does not have marriage or adoption rights. US does, so we have progressed further. But we are also not that many years from being tied to cow fences with barbed wire, beaten with baseball bats and left for dead overnight. If things are so bad over there, maybe take a few pages from the civil right playbook we took so much time to perfect and produced by the Black Americans who fought first. But so far, I only hear loss of jobs and marriages, which we still have here too. Stop trying to divide us, we are one community, LGBT around the world and we are here to try to help. Take it or leave it, it's not like we're going to go organize your own Pride parade for you.

Rant over? I guess. Is this important enough to be put in the google results along with his. Hell no, anyone with half a mind can see he's reaching more than half the time. And any argument about: this wasn't covered! There are a shit ton of conversations that are not covered in the 45 min they have. They are not a civil rights show, it's a makeover show, doing their best in that direction anyway. Know what it is.

Next blog post, what research I would guess was happening behind the scenes for each of the 5? I'm pretty sure I saw Jonathan doing Japanese style makeup there...

[simonsrosebud]

How do Dalton’s students react when they find out that their math teacher is dating Kevin freaking Day?? (I love what your doing by the way. Remember to take some time for yourself and drink water. You’re working hard <3)

*sips water* (i really did) thank you! i’m working hard but i’m loving it!

lets just say his student’s are Very Confused.

but they kind of start to participate more.

and a few of them use his office hours, which is very new of them.

kissing up, as kevin predicted.

and then, dalton sees a post on the palmetto state barstool instagram showing a compilation video of guys in “kevin day” merchandise from hoodies to jersey’s walking into the same building he teaches in. at the end of the video, the last two people shown walking in are dalton wearing kevin’s jersey, and kevin himself.

(barstool: instagrams basically dedicated to posting vids/pics of stupid shit done by students or random shit happening at the school in general. submitted by real students. it’s a real thing, my school is wvubarstool on insta)

dalton doesn’t understand the reason for it until he sees the caption.

yo kevin day rallies at grant hall now?? professor miller come get your man’s

dalton shrugs it off and reports the post for the possibility that his superiors maybe would see it, and that’s the end of it.

except it’s not. before class starts one day, one of the guys raises his hand. “how do you know kevin day?”

okay, then.

dalton looks down at his textbook. he closes it. “okay, it’s come to my attention that a good amount of students in my two classes are interested in kevin day. i... also saw the barstool post.” he waves it off. “if you guys have any questions about it or him, let’s just get them out of the way now.” he sits back on his desk. “kevin is my boyfriend, we met at the starbucks on campus.”

a few perk up confusedly at that. as if it should be possible to see him at normal places. “guys.” dalton laughs. “you understand he’s still a student, too, right? you’ve probably passed him around without even noticing.”

“nah, i’d notice.”

another two students agree, and a few more hands go up in result of it. dalton scratches the back of his neck. maybe he should’ve kept his mouth shut.

[madroxed]

the order (season two) thoughts.

so chotoranii asked me for my thoughts on the order season two. of which there are many. posting them here rather than in a reply so tumblr doesn’t fuck up the ‘keep reading’ break. 

SO MANY SPOILERS AHEAD, OBVIOUSLY.

OK FOLKS, LET’S DO THIS. SORRY ABOUT THE WORD COUNT.

the good, the bad, and the incomprehensible.

ok SO. overall i thought this season was so much better than season one, especially in terms of production and acting.

i should start by saying, the biggest twist of this season? ME LIKING JACK AS A BLOND. i’ve been dragging that hair for months and i end up digging it? i’m so mad at myself.

ANYWAY the first three episodes? flawless! beautiful! amazing! they honestly took everything i could have listed as wanting and put it onscreen. jack trying out for cheer squad and having to stay on cheer squad to keep up the act? them finding each other almost immediately? the jokes about orgies? jack taking the knights seriously and holding on to his anger over the memory wipe? lilith and nicole? nicole in general? RANDALL AND HAMISH FAKE DATING (however briefly, seriously, i will be writing fic where they have to keep that up because i am betrayed that it was never brought up again and if you think i didn’t throw my laptop across the bed so i could run around screaming you’d be wrong)? A MAGIC HEIST?

honestly, all perfect.

............then the season started to go downhill. don’t get me wrong, there were still some excellent parts, but they were hindered by two things:

the plot jumping about too much to be comprehensible.

the fact that we the viewers are supposed to believe that randall carpio and hamish duke would not tear the world apart for lilith bathory immediately. 

the first is forgivable; the first season’s plot was a simple enough device that meant it dragged a little at times. this season they seemed to not want to fall into that trap again, but in doing so threw something so big in that they needed far too much exposition because they didn’t have enough time to show it (a trait they fell into in a lot of ways, we’ll get back to that). SHOW, DON’T TELL, FOLKS. that being said, i really liked salvadore as a character, and the idea of a group of people striving to make magic accessible to all was a cool moral quandary plot. 

the second is unforgivable to me, and led to the majority of my issues with the season. i understand the knights becoming members of the order (cool concept), i understand them struggling with conflicting loyalties because of it, but what i don’t understand is the fact that randall spent the majority of the season saying “let’s get lilith back!” only to back down at the first push back, and hamish was the push back. because......the order had other problems. IN WHAT UNIVERSE DO THE KNIGHTS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER NOT PUT EACH OTHER FIRST AND SAY FUCK EVERYONE ELSE? 

(jack i understand, if only because we saw so much of it last season. his loyalties are kinda flaky. i do understand his loyalty to vera; not only did she play a huge part in taking down edward last season, but the mind link thing and learning all her pain would have stuck with him. he loves a cause, that boy. also hey ho! jack was so much more likeable this season! we love to see it.)

also i just really missed lilith.

(thank fuck for nicole never giving up.)

the amount of callbacks to season one were fantastic. they didn’t just move on and leave it be, they referenced basically everyone, and seeing professor clarke and kyle again was a nice touch just to tie things together. there also being discussions about jack’s pete related trauma was great and necessary. 

ok, so alyssa. i take back my post about how great it would be for her to be the villain. this was so much better. her trauma in the wake of both season one and then accidentally killing someone leading to her feeling so conflicted and lost and alone? her magic malfunctioning when it’s all she feels she has? we’ve always known she was ambitious, but to see her face straight on the idea that she may be left completely powerless and no one really listening or trying to help her except a hive mind that’s also hurting her? o u c h. 

we saw this season that the real problem with the order is its motto of ‘hurry up and wait’. ‘we’ll save lilith.....just do all these other things first!’ ‘we’ll get alyssa’s magic back......there’s just more important things right now!’ it’s all so easy to see how that could frustrate someone so much they can’t take it anymore. 

i’m so pleased i loved alyssa so much this season. i desperately wanted to and i’m glad they gave me that. i just felt so much for her. she just wanted to not feel so alone and so helpless and so scared that she was going to pick the wrong side again. it was beautiful.

this also meant alyssa/jack was better this season. having got the insta-love out the way last season (ugh), this season they were able to actually look at how that would play out if you took ramifications into consideration. all the problems i had with them last season were vocalised onscreen, and this new unstable thing left in its place was far more appealing to watch. they were messy and bad for each other and they knew it, but that didn’t stop them loving each other. 

also: “if we get out of this, can i take you to the mall? because i really hate your jean jacket. and your hair.” 

in regards to the other relationships: 

lilith and nicole were adorable for the limited amount of time we got them onscreen. the slow crush to nervous dating was beautiful, and seeing lilith struggle with what getting her memories back meant in regards to that was great. we all know i thought the lilith/randall of last season was rushed, so having lilith torn over hurting one of the most important people in her life and following these feelings for someone new was lovely. IF WE GET A SEASON THREE I BETTER GET SO MUCH MORE OF THEM.

here’s the thing, putting aside lilith/nicole for a moment: the order can’t write good relationships (*with one major caveat).

hear me out. 

in season one it was insta-love. jack and alyssa meet and suddenly defending alyssa is the only thing that matters to jack. it....wasn’t good. randall and lilith were thrown together with very little build up and we were supposed to roll with it.

this season we had both hamish/vera and randall/gabrielle. i would like to say that theoretically i am here for both of these. but.

hamish/vera occurred off screen. oh, sure, we had a couple scenes of them staring at each other over drinks, but that was all we got until late into the season. we were told that hamish and vera were a thing by randall when he was winding hamish up. we didn’t see it for ourselves. again, this show’s habit of telling not showing is a problem. 

hamish and vera could make sense. two leaders of opposing factions having sort of hate, begrudging respect sex? i see it. from there, you can show us how it would become something more.

the show doesn’t. 

we’re told they’re together. we’re told hamish is forsaking his knightly duties in favour of vera. we’re told by hamish that he’s drunk the order koolaid, 

and all of this is supposed to culminate in us believing that hamish duke - tundra, leader of the knights of saint christopher, the most cunning of the wolves - would push aside everything else because he just believes that much in vera stone? to the point that he would all but abandon lilith and degrade his relationship with randall to randall being the annoying sidekick? 

i woke up at two a.m. to write a note on my phone that says: ‘the greatest tragedy of the order season two is hamish duke’s character assassination.’ and i stand by that. 

besides lilith’s absence for almost the whole season, it’s the thing i’m most mad about. i love hamish so much and to one-dimensionalise him in favour of a ship is...............shoddy work honestly.

so like i said. HAMISH/VERA COULD HAVE BEEN GOOD, BUT FOR FUCKSAKE SHOW, YOU HAVE TO ACTUALLY DEVELOP THIS SHIT.

randall/gabrielle was better developed. by which i mean we actually saw them interacting on screen. we got to see them begrudgingly working together, we saw him learn more about her, we heard them talk about her need to fit in somewhere. when they made the joke about being bffs? good stuff. would i like them to slowburn this shit? yes please. have them become best friends and then have those feelings be something else. i would really like that. the show just needs to.......slow down. not immediately see a single character and need to throw them into a relationship with the nearest person.

gabrielle was great this season. by which i mean, she was gabrielle, and we love some consistent characterisation. i think it’s so true to everything we know about her that she’d want to inject herself into the knights’ world; she wants to be part of the in-crowd, and right now that’s them. she’s also supremely jealous of alyssa because, to her, it seemed like alyssa had the best of both worlds. so, yes, her wanting to be around the knights and that developing into her begrudgingly liking them makes a lot of sense to me.

so, my caveat.

the relationship the order knows how to write? the knights. hamish, randall, lilith, and jack. that dynamic saved season one from being a total mess. that dynamic thrived in the early episodes of this season. IT’S JUST THAT GOOD. i said once that if the order just became greek (2007) but with werewolves i’d be happy, and the first three episodes really gave me that. 

THE KNIGHTS ARE EACH OTHER’S SOULMATES, ASK ME HOW.

is this an excuse for me to complain that they gave us a hint of hamish/randall and then cruelly snatched it away and i’m still mad about it? YOU BETCHA.

is this also my way of saying there wasn’t nearly enough jack/randall this season? YOU BETCHA.

removing lilith from the equation (I’M STILL SO MAD) and then having hamish pull away from randall because..........who the fuck knows, was just a recipe for disaster.

clearly lilith is the glue that holds these idiots together.

so, vera. katherine isabelle still just steals every scene she’s in. i love her. i love vera’s characterisation. i love that she’s shamelessly ambitious but also wants the order to succeed and the world not to end. i love that she can be cold and cruel and still have such soft spots for both jack and alyssa. i love that she can be vulnerable and angry about it. i just........think vera’s pretty fucking great, tbh.

i still don’t understand why the knights - after their infiltration revenge plans go tits up - decide to just go full on order. like??????? hamish and jack barely even questioning anything???? randall must have spent most of this season feeling so alone.

that being said, when jack said to nicole and randall that he knew what they needed to get lilith back and the conversation pretty much went:

jack: you’re okay betraying the order?

nicole: for lilith, anything.

randall: i’d literally betray the order for a cookie, haven’t you been listening?

we love to see it.

OH, HEY GUYS, REMEMBER WHEN IAN ZIERING AND JASON PRIESTLEY WERE MEMBERS OF THE ORDER AND JASON PRIESTLEY BECAME GRAND MAGUS FOR A HOT SECOND???? that was written solely for me. i do not know who this show thinks its audience is, but it understands me to my core.

so...............i have zero clue where the show intends to go from here. i just need alyssa to be ok and i hope - like his friend randall - jack is willing to kill whoever the hell he has to to make that happen. (we stan randall straight up murdering someone to get lilith back and making sure nicole remains innocent and safe tbh.) 

SO TL;DR: the early episodes gave me life. the show declined from there, but i still enjoyed it a lot. the order is at its best when the knights are a team, i loved alyssa’s story this season, and i have no clue what to expect from next season (if we get one). werewolf alyssa? villain jack, perhaps? we’ll see! 

THIS POST PROBABLY SEEMS TOO NEGATIVE BUT HI! I STILL LOVED THIS SEASON A LOT AND I LOVE MY KIDS WITH MY WHOLE HEART AND IF YOU READ ALL A MILLION WORDS OF THIS THEN I LOVE YOU TOO.

also if anyone has any hamish/randall prompts i’ll be hanging out over here crying into my hands for the next few weeks. FAKE DATING. how dare they?!

[thoughtsfromaclutteredbrain]

IM SO SAD I WAS PLANNING ON GOING TO THE RANDOM DANCE THING TODAY FOR WEEKS LITERALLY WEEKS EVEN BEFORE I KNEW NCT WAS COMING. AND OF COURSE MY PROFESSOR ANNOUNCES A FINALS REVIEW SESSION LITERALLY THIS MORNING... FOR THE EXACT TIME THAT THEY WERE THERE. I CAME HOME AND SAW THE VIDEOS AND I BURST INTO TEARS. honestly its probably kind of stupid (and im way too old) to be so emotional over a boy group but its like... this was something that will be recorded and posted on the internet forever +

+ you know? like every other time i’ve seen them its just like, yeah im there, but there’s no proof of it? and like taeyong took flowers from fans and johnny dancing to kill this love and everyone was giving so much fanservice. UGH. i hate my life. i better get an A+ on this damn final. i keep convincing myself that grad school >>>> nct but its not working atm. also for TRL, i think they already filmed it. on kevan’s twitter (or insta? i forgot) he said he “got some good answers” out of them +

+ and i feel like that implies they already taped it? plus in the pics he posted they’re wearing the outfits i saw them in a couple of days ago. unfortunately, i don’t know where they’re going to be in brooklyn tomorrow and i can’t make it :( i’m not familiar at all with brooklyn (have never been!) and i’ve not heard any rumors either. however, i do have friends that are planning on going though and they’re really good at messaging me right away when they hear anything, so i’ll let you know +

+ i know where you live is far from brooklyn, but from my previous experiences with seeing them they’ve always been at the posted location for around 2 hours. so i think if you can get to brooklyn by 3:30 (the time posted on the schedule) and just chill in a central area (especially if there are any landmarks that you think they could possible go to) you can just run over to wherever they are when you hear something (keeping an eye out on twt can definitely help!) if you can, just tell your +

+ i forgot how i ended my last message LOL. do you have to give your parents an exact location in brooklyn/will they ask for some sort of proof? because otherwise you could give them the name of a reasonably tourist-y destination like coney island or something and it would probably be believable (or you might be a good person and not want to lie to them haha). also, if you have a twitter, this girl is doing a giveaway for a ticket! twitter(*)com/_zwoo/status/1119802304310521856 +

+ it looks like there’s only one entry so far so you might have a pretty good chance, if you have a twitter :) -gma anon 

OMG THAT SUCKS IM SO SORRY! YES I HOPE YOU AT LEAST ACE YOUR TEST. AND DONT FEEL BAD CUZ I ALMOST CRIED WHEN I SAW THEY DID A FLASH MOB TOO LIKE SERIOUSLY I WAS LIKE 20 MINS AWAY TODAY I COULDVE BEEN THERE. 

Lol yeah NCT already did TRL. Kevan did a IG Live and I asked about it and he responded to my question saying they did it secretly on Friday and NYPD told them they couldn’t announce it cuz they didn’t have enough security LOL

Omg if you can PLEASE let me know AS SOON AS YOU FIND OUT where they’re gonna be. The problem is that I don’t have the means to get to Brooklyn by myself, so my parents have to drive me. And they’re totally okay with it but they refuse unless they know where they’re going. Understandable but FRUSTRATING cuz I don’t think we’re gonna know until they’re there which means I may not be able to make it there until it’s too late and if I miss them again I’m legit gonna cry. Coney Island is a great guess of where they’ll be tho, so THANK YOU! But like seriously if you find out where they’re headed BEFORE 3:30, please tell me cuz there’s no way I’m gonna get there early but if people can figure out where they’re going before 3:30 I can get there faster hopefully. And the longer it takes them to announce it/for me to announce it, the more likely they are to change their minds about going at all. Is it too much to hope that they’ll announce where they’re gonna be tomorrow morning???????

And thank you for the concert info, but I also don’t have the means to get to Jersey alone either, so I would need at least two tickets, for me and whoever takes me. So basically I hate everything.

[daydream-hobii]

Instant Love | Chapter 2 | Y/N’s POV

Genre: College!AU, Fluff, Angst

Pairing: Nerd!Namjoon x Foreign!Female!Reader ; Mentions of Yoonseok & Jikook ; Bestie!Taehyung x Bestie!Lavender(OC)

Summary: Y/N is a foreign English speaking student who has gone to Seoul for college. She’s starting her third semester there and is headed towards her Zoology degree. Namjoon is a business student working a bunch of boring classes and jobs. He gets paired up with a freshman named Taehyung, whom he has no interest in conversing with, until he gets invited to a dance studio, where he meets Y/N, the girl he’s been crushing on for a year. He’s never talked to her, but he follows her Instagram and she follows his. They have talked through comments, and like each other’s pictures, but what happens when they are forced to converse face to face?

Warning: Nothing yet!!

Word Count: 1,030

Chapter 1 // Chapter 3 // Chapter 4 // Chapter 5 // Chapter 6 // Chapter 7 // Chapter 8 // Chapter 9 // Chapter 10 // Chapter 11 // Chapter 12 [FINAL] //

Author’s Note: Welcome to Chapter 2! Please let me know what you think of this chapter, I love getting feedback! I hope you enjoyed it!!! ^_^ 

           I slammed a pillow onto my sleeping roommates bed. She groaned, covering her head with the pillow as I went and opened the blinds. I chuckled, beginning to change into the days outfit. Once I finished, my best friend still hadn’t moved.

           “Lavie, it’s time for school,” I told her, smirking.

           “I don’t have a class till ten, leave me alone,” She mumbled, making me laugh more.

           “I know, I just wanted your company,” I replied, smirking.

           “God, I hate you,” She said back as I grabbed my backpack, laughing.

           “I’ll see you later, Lavie,” I said, leaving.

           I was walking through the halls of the dorm when I made it outside. My phone went off and saw that Namjoon posted a new picture. I smiled big, clicking on it. It was yet another Kim Daily, and I quickly liked it, plucking up the courage to say something. I commented, a small blush on my cheeks as I bit my lip.

           Clumsy me who wasn’t paying attention to where I was going ran into someone. I almost fell, but luckily my best friend Hoseok caught me, laughing up a storm. I glared as he helped me stand properly, punching him in the shoulder.

           “Ouch! If I remember correctly, you ran into me,” He said, smirking as he followed me to our class together.

           “Yeah, but you laughed,” I replied, smirking. “So, how’s my boy?”

           “Not too bad, slept pretty good. How’s my girl?” He replied, returning a smile.

           “Pretty good. Namjoon posted a photo on Insta this morning,” I replied. He smiled big, making the blood rush to my face.

           “Oooh, the star-crossed lovers have met again,” Hoseok said as we entered our class, going to our seats. Yoongi was sat there, doing something on his laptop when we sat down.

           “Shut up, Hobi,” I replied, laughing.

           “Listen to the girl, Hoseok,” Yoongi said, not looking away from his laptop.

           “Yoongi, our girl is in love,” Hoseok said, leaning into him and holding his chest where his heart is. “They grow up so fast.”

           “Hobi!” I whined, stomping my foot. “Stop, please.”

           “Alright, alright. You need to just talk to him! He gives you all the signals,” Hoseok said, giving a genuine smile that just makes you want to smile along with him.

           “Y/N, I told you I could introduce him to you,” Yoongi said, looking away from his screen and right at me. “We’re pretty good friends, we were friends in High School.”

           “I know, I’m just too scared! What if he doesn’t like me that way? What is he thinks I’m weird or creepy?” I asked, biting my lip.

           “I mean, that’s a possibility,” Yoongi mumbled, causing Hoseok to shove him lightly and glare.

           “What Yoongi means is that you won’t know until you try,” He said, looking at me.

           “I’d rather suffer,” I replied, smiling. The professor just walked in, and we began class.

             After class, I waved the boys goodbye and went to find Lavie. We had the next couple of classes together, and lucky me, I’d be away from the crazy boys for a little bit. I walked into class, spotting her on her phone. I smiled, walking up the stairs and sliding next to her.

           “Hey, Y/N,” She mumbled, scrolling through Instagram.

           “Hello, Lavie, ready for the test?” I questioned, making her almost drop her phone.

           “What?” She asked, wide eyed, making me laugh.

           “Just kidding,” I replied, taking my supplies out of my backpack as she groaned in frustration.

           “Why am I your friend?” She questioned, glaring.

           “Because you love me, and I can get you a cute boyfriend,” I replied, smirking, making her roll her eyes.

           “You know I’m not too interested in that stuff, Y/N,” She replied, pointing at me with her pencil with a smirk.

           “Come on, Taehyung really likes you,” I said, pouting. “He said you’re the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen.”

           “What a liar,” She replied, scrunching her face. “Sorry, I can’t date liars.”

           “Lavender, come on,” I said, pouting again. “Just one date, I promise you’ll have a good time.”

           “Listen, I’ll think about it, yeah?” She replied, raising her eyebrows and smirking. “I’m just not too interested in dating, you know this.”

           “I know, but to be fair, how do you know if you’ve never been on one?” I replied, smiling.

           “You’re not wrong. I’ll just think about it,” She said, smiling back.

            After the couple of classes we had together, I had a break. I walked through the halls to my dorm, and as soon as I walked through, my phone went off. I looked to see Namjoon replied back to my comment. I quickly looked at it, a heat rising to my cheeks. I bit my lip, liking it.

           I scrolled through Instagram, landing on Taehyung’s recent photo, scoffing. 

           I rolled my eyes at his last comment, chuckling to myself. I landed onto my bed, scrolling through Instagram and liking tons of recent photos. My phone began to ring, and Hoseok’s face popped up, making me smile and answer.

           “What’s up, Hobi?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

           “You’re coming to practice tonight, right?” He asked, hesitating. I furrowed my eyebrows, nodding, even if he couldn’t see me.

           “Of course, wouldn’t miss it.”

           “Good, I’ll see you tonight!” He said, a little too excited. Suspicion ran through me, but I chose to ignore it. I had a while before I had to worry.

           I found myself going back to Namjoon’s Instagram, biting my lip as I scrolled through his photos, giggling at the comments. Jin was his best friend, and we’ve talked a little, but nothing to a point of friendship. More like mutual acquaintance.

           “It wouldn’t work anyway, Y/N,” I mumbled to myself, placing my phone to my chest. “You’re a foreigner who will leave once college is over, that’s it.”

           I sighed, looking at the clock. My next class started soon, and I had it with Jimin. He’d probably be waiting for me, so I decided to get ready, packing a bag for dance practice that night, as Jimin and I would go right after. I wonder why Hoseok was so weird?

[readatmidnight]

It’s been a while since my last update since most of April and May left me with very little time for blogging. I just wanted to do a quick catch up on what I’ve been reading and what I plan to read in the coming month.

What I’ve Read

Almost 100% of the reading I’ve done in the past two months have been done via audiobook. Bless them for enabling me to finish all these novels while I completed my chores or during my morning commute, I would have fell into a book slump without them. I know at the beginning of the year I said I would cancel my Scribd account, but since I read so much via audio now, the set up is working great for me.

These aren’t even in chronological reading order because I am a Mess.

Daisy Jones and The Six by Taylor Jenkins Reid ★★★★☆ This novel is best enjoyed via audiobook, sorry I don’t make the rules. TJR has a way of making her characters feel so raw and real, if I didn’t know any better I would have been searching for the discography of Daisy Jones & The Six after completing this novel. Epistolary novels don’t always work for me (see: Illuminae), because I sometimes find it hard to connect to the story. 100% not the case here, and I loved how utterly flawed everyone was allowed to be. To tell the truth, I didn’t like most of them, but they sure captured my imagination.

The Dragon Republic by R. F. Kuang ★★★★ HELLO IS ANYONE SURPRISED I AM COMPLETE TRASH FOR THIS BOOK. NO? OK. Ahem. With complete objectivity, this book was a stunning follow-up to The Poppy War. It’s more introspective, it deals with PTSD, it brings in all of the threads that complicates and muddies the war Rin is waging on Nikara and with herself. The ending left me literally reeling and screaming in random DMs for weeks. I still have not completely stopped and I fear I will never be coherent again. Give me book three or give me death.

Magic for Liars by Sarah Gailey ★★★★☆ I finished this book about two hours ago and edited the post to include it. Although it contained the familiar tropes like a magical school, a jaded private detective, a dark prophecy, a hidden world of mages, a murder mystery – Magic for Liars combined them in a way that kept the plot fresh and engaging. Imagine if Aunt Petunia never married Vernon Dursley but instead became a private investigator – who’s then called back to Hogwarts to unravel a murder, with Lily as one of the professors on tenure. Except better, because the character work in this book is freaking top notch. Just go read it OK, this is the gay and messy magical school we all deserve.

The Devouring Gray by Christine Lynn Herman ★★★★☆ Billed as The Raven Cycle meets Stranger Things, this is one of those rare instances where the book matches the comp perfectly. While I found the pacing to be slow, I thought it suited this character-driven story. It’s all about families and legacies and finding your own paths despite the weight of all that history. I adored all of the characters, especially Harper – my sworld-wielding warrior queen. I cannot wait to see the sequel and watching how entangled relationships will develop.

Wicked Saints by Emily A. Duncan ★★☆☆☆ I love the idea of hate-to-love, especially with a villain love-interest, so that’s what initially drew me to this book. When I learned that the heroine could converse with the gods, I got even more excited. Alas, it was a bit of a missed opportunity. I saw shadows of a fanfic-worthy broody bad boy in every scene with Malachiasz. I can understand insta-attraction, what I can’t understand is how poorly the character and relationship development was done. The stars are wholly reserved for Serefin, my drunken drama-queen and the only part of this novel I enjoyed.

We Hunt The Flame by Hafsah Faizal ★★★☆☆ I expected this to be a five star read, so while it was good, I am disappointed I didn’t love it more. The prose were gorgeous and I am definitely checking out whatever Hafsah Faizal writes next. However, the writing style’s penchant for beautiful metaphors sometimes felt jarring with the pacing of the book. While I liked the characters indivdually, I didn’t feel compelled by any relationships aside from the one shared between Altair and Nasir in the beginning. I’m definitely in the minority with my lukewarm response to this title, though – there are tons of fans so don’t be put off by my review.

Verity by Colleen Hoover ★☆☆☆☆ The sole star is for the fact that while the plot of this book was so improbable it veered into farcical, it was a page-turner. Toxic relationships is the bread-and-butter of crime, but there was something particularly tasteless about the way adultery and marriage was depicted in this book. Partly due to the casual nonchalance that CoHo tends to dismiss cheating, but also because even with my few remaining brain cells I could still figure out the plot was BS. The way disability was handled in this novel also left a lot to be desired, and the ‘twist’ at the end disappointed me so much I wanted to hurl this book into the sun. This was 7 hours of my good life wasted.

The Bride Test ★★★★★ I cannot remain calm or objective about Helen’s books, I love them completely – because they’re unabashedly Vietnamese, because they’re proudly diasporic, because they’re filled with characters who feel so real I’m mildly miffed we’re not invited to their weddings. Khai and Esme slowly but surely stole my heart over a course of a long haul international flight. I laughed and cried and went through all of the emotions of first love. Along with its powerful emotional resonance, The Bride Test also offered sharp societal critique on the accessibility of the American Dream. These books are so special to me and I am so glad we have more Helen content to look forward to for years to come.

Ruse ★★★★☆ This is the second and final instalment to Cindy Pon’s high-octane and prescient eco-dystopia – if you haven’t read Want, go visit your local bookshop right now and change this immediately. The bar is raised with Ruse, from the character development, the scope of the world, and the ever heightened stake. I loved seeing the gang again, even though Cindy did not pull any punches when it came to making my children suffer. It was such a satisfying and well-earned conclusion.

Wilder Girls ★★★★☆ Whew, this book was harrowing and intense. It felt dangerous and unknowable, with the plot constantly shifting right under my feet – just as the physical world in the book warps and distorts everything from plants to landscape to school-girls. I read it in a rush over two days because I could not put it down. If you’re after a novel with ride-or-die friendship and sapphic romance, this is one to keep an eye out for.

Red, White, and Royal Blue ★★★★★ I am completely bereft that Alex Claremont-Diaz and Prince Henry of Wales are not real people – for these two I would take up reading gossip magazines again. This book was rambunctious and as irrepressible as the passion that drives its main characters. The supporting cast are equally impressive, and I love the chemistry imbued into the various relationships in this novel. I can’t remember the last time I rooted so hard for fictional characters to overcome and triumph. Although we can’t have Claremont 2020, can we please please please get a Jude and Nora spin-off instead?

Looks like romance is my new favourite genre, judging by my latest two five star reads. Please give me all the recs, but no mayo toxic romance please. I feel like whenever I stray from the usual diet of speculative fiction, I become very picky in which books I read – which tends to mean that I end up loving the ones I do pick up.

What I’m Reading

I usually have numerous books on the go because I have no self-control. I have two going at the moment, but this number will undoubtedly multiply before I have the chance to publish this post.

Foundryside by Robert Jackson Bennet – I am about 5 hours into the audiobook and I am already completely charmed by this world and its characters! The rogue-archetype has always been one of my favourite fantasy trope, and to make it even better Santia comes with a snarky talking key. The world building is a marvel, especially the magic system and how it is manipulated by the characters and governing bodies within the novel. I also heard there is a budding sapphic romance in this one – I think I just met the love interest and I already love her as well. Very excited to continue on!

On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong – I am three chapters into this novel and it’s already taken my very soul apart. Written by a Vietnamese-American son for his illiterate mother, it’s part-meditation and part-confessional on PTSD, inherited trauma, and how a you learn to communicate with a mother-tongue you can barely speak. I am ready for it completely wreck me.

I forgot that I am technically still reading The Priory of the Orange Tree but I am so exhausted with this brick at this point in time, I’m not sure I will ever finish it. The world building (West and East dragon mythology), and the characters (sapphic Queens and her bodyguard) had so much potential – but I kept feeling like an emotional weight was missing.

What I’m Planning to Read

I am an expert is making up TBR and then not sticking to them. So to save myself the embarrassment here’s two I am definitely reading this month, the rest is c’est la vie.

Sorcery of Thorns by Margaret Rogerson I know y’all keep saying that Enchantment of Ravens is lame because it has no plot but I loved Rook and Isobel with all my heart OK. I know nothing about this one except that it has a librarian babe (maybe?). Therefore, I am very excited.

Spin the Dawn by Elizabeth Lim This is part of the Caffeine Book Tours that Shealea organised (thank you!!). This is one of my most anticipated read of this year because fashion and East Asian fantasy? Relevant to my interest. I think we can all agree that this is the best cover of 2019. I want this illustrator to draw my life.

What are you reading and what are you all up to? I miss you!! Hope you’re going to have an amazing month and Happy Pride everyone!!

June Reading Updates It's been a while since my last update since most of April and May left me with very little time for blogging.

[vraiesmeufs]

Farah

Saint Placide, 16h.

Je vais chercher Farah à la sortie des cours. Je la vois au loin, souriante, elle me propose d’aller faire un tour au jardin du Luxembourg qui se trouve juste à côté. On marche, il fait chaud, on se pose sur un banc.

Farah est en L2 droit et sciences politiques à l’institut catholique de Paris. “Je m’y sens bien parce qu’on n’est pas une pormo monstrueuse de 500/600 personnes, on est tout juste 150 donc c’est cool pour débattre en amphi entre étudiants ou avec le prof. Après je suis dans un institut privé et je suis maghrébine, donc par moment c’est un peu difficile de ne pas sauter sur les premiers qui déblatèrent des absurdités. Plusieurs fois, en cours, je me suis retrouvée face à des profs tenant des propos limites, sur la colonisation algérienne par exemple ou sur la femme.”

J’en profite pour lui demander ce qu’elle a pensé de ces élections. “C’était un peu n’importe quoi. Entre la banalisation du FN, les gens qui critiquent fort en rabaissant ceux qui votent Macron, on s’y perdait. Sans te mentir, je ne me suis retrouvée dans aucun des candidats et j’ai trouvé ça dommage pour les premières présidentielles où je pouvais voter. J’ai trouvé cette période très insupportable à voir les beaux grands penseurs de ce monde sur les réseaux écrire des pavés ou édicter une sorte de parole divine de la politique alors qu’ils ne savent pas de quoi ils parlent. Moi même au bout de 2 ans de droit et de sciences politiques, je ne comprends pas tous les rouages, c’est bien plus compliqué que ce que l'on pense.

On parle ensuite de son idée dans la représentation de la femme aujourd’hui. “C’est un énorme bazar. Entre les filles qui insultent les autres filles de putes à tout va où à l’extrême celles qui se mettent à poil sur la voie publique pour se faire entendre, on s’y retrouve mal. Les réseaux sociaux impactent beaucoup notre image : je vois beaucoup de mecs insulter de putes des filles, mes copines ou parfois moi-même sous une photo où on peut apercevoir nos formes. Mais pourquoi ? Des filles mêmes vont s”insulter ? Il y a un slutshame perpétuel qui se base sur l’apparence. Et je ne parle même pas des “une fille qui couche c’est une pute”, “si t’as couché avec plus de 3 mecs, t’es une pute”…. A écouter les réseaux, une fille bien ne boit pas, ne fume pas, ne sort pas, ne parle à aucun gars, n’a jamais eu de relations sexuelles. Aujourd’hui, se faire mentionner pour se manger des “salopes”, “chiennes” sur Twitter c’est devenu banal. Un jour, suite à un “débat” sur le viol, sujet sur lequel, en principe, il y a 0 débat, un mec m’a dit “toi vu ta photo de profil, je te viole” et ça m’avait choqué de lire ça.”

La discussion porte ensuite sur les différences entre notre génération et la génération juste en dessous. On parle de cette nouvelle génération, biberonnée aux réseaux sociaux et sexualisée dès le plus jeune âge, qui grandit peut être trop vite. “Aujourd’hui des filles qui sont super jeunes vont être très sexualisées, de par les photos qu’elles peuvent poster où des choses qu’elles peuvent dire. Je ne dis pas qu’il faut s’habiller de telle ou telle manière mais je trouve qu'il faut une certaine maturité pour “survivre” aux réseaux sociaux. Internet regorge de malades, de mauvaises personnes et ce n’est pas pour rien que bon nombre de filles et de garçons se sont foutus en l’air pour des réseaux sociaux et qu’on a ce qu’on appelle le cyberbullying. Personnellement, quand je suis née, Internet n’existait pas, puis plus tard ado, mes parents me contrôlaient pas mal : à 21h, ils me prenaient mon téléphone… Je les trouvais lourds mais aujourd’hui je suis bien contente. L’apparition de Snapchat a changé beaucoup de choses, il y a quelque chose de très malsain avec les nudes. Combien de filles se sont retrouvées humiliées car elles ont envoyé des nudes à des mecs en qui elles avaient confiance et que ces derniers les ont publiées ? Après, je ne crache pas sur les réseaux sociaux, moi même je les utilise très souvent, c’est ma petite addiction, mais je pense qu’il faut être conscient.”

On parle ensuite de son rapport au maquillage : “Au collège, je n’avais pas le droit au make up sauf pour les sorties mais j’en mettais très peu. Je suis bien contente car comme je ne mettais pas de vraiment de produit pour le teint, j’ai pu laisser longtemps ma peau respirer et grandir et je n’en mets d’ailleurs toujours pas aujourd’hui. J’ai vraiment commencé à me maquiller au lycée, je mets des trucs de base (mascara, blush, poudre…). Je me passionne à mes heures perdues pour le maquillage des yeux, j’adore y aller sur les jolies couleurs et j’aime bien quand ça brille, mais je n’en fais pas vraiment une priorité. Je peux être facilement agacée par les filles qui disent “moi je ne peux pas sortir sans mettre ceci cela…”, je trouve ça tellement dommage de fixer son identité à travers son make up. Démaquillée, je suis Farah et maquillée, je suis Farah.”

Enfin je lui demande qu’est ce qu’une vraie meuf pour elle. “Une meuf qui s’assume sans chercher à répondre à un modèle précis, hors du moule qu’on essaie de nous ériger sans cesse avec les Kylie Jenner etc. Une vraie meuf, c’est une fille qui n’a pas de clones ou de copies conformes.”

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ENGLISH VERSION (translated by Elea)

Saint Placide, 4pm.

I picked up Farah after her lectures. I her see away, smiling, offering me to go walk in jardin du Luxembourg who is just a foot by. We walk, the weather is hot, we sit on a bench.

Farah is in second year of law and political science at the catholic institute in Paris. « I feel good there because we are not a class of 500/600 students, we are just 150 so it’s really nice to talk over in the classrooms with the other students or the professor himself. I am in a private institution and I am Maghrebi, so sometimes it’s hard not to jump onto the first one who says nonsense. Sometimes, in class, I had to face my own professors saying things a little bit out of border on the Algerian colonisation for example or on women. »

I also asks her what did she think about the elections. « It was really nonsense. With the banalisation of the FN and people that were abasing the one’s who were voting for Macron, I was loosing myself. Without lying, I didn’t identify to one of the candidates and I found that shameful because these were the first presidential’s elections where I could vote. I found that amount of time unbearable seeing the big minds of this world writing books on social medias or pretend to have a godlike opinion even though they don’t even know what they are talking about. Even after 2 years of law and political sciences, I don’t understand every part of it, it’s more complicated than it seems. »

We discuss after of her idea of the representation of the women today. « It’s a big mess. Between girls that insults other girls of whores for nothing or girls that are almost bare on public way to express themselves, I can’t find myself. Social medias have a big impact on our image : I see a lot of guys saying to girls that they are whores, my friends or even sometimes on a picture where we can see our curves. But why ? Even girls go offend others ? There’s a constant slutshaming based on appearance. And don’t even start me on the « A girl who has sex is a slut », « If you had sex with more than 3 guys you’re a slut ». Following social medias, a nice girl doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t go out, doesn’t talk to any guy and never had sex. Today, being mentioned on Twitter to be treated of « sluts », « bitch » is kind of normal. One day, after a debate on rape, normally there’s actually no debate on this subject, a guy told me « Since I saw your profile picture, I’d rape you » and reading this really left me speechless. »

The discussion then drifts with the differences between our generation and the generation just after ours. We tale about this new generation, into social medias since birth and sexualized since the youngest age, that grows up a little too fast. « Today very young girls are going to be sexualized, by the photos that they can post or even by things they could say. I’m not saying you have to dress this or another way but I think that you need an pretty big amount of maturity to « survive » to social medias. Internet is overcrowding with weirdoes, really bad people and it’s not for nothing that a big amount of boys and girls took their lives for social medias and also what we call cyberbullying exists. Personally, when I was born, Internet didn’t even exist, but later when I was a teen, my parents managed me a lot with this : At 9pm, they use to take my phone… I used to find them really annoying but today I’m glad they did it. Snapchat’s emergence changed a lot of things, there’s something I find really unhealthy with what we call nudes. How many girls were humiliated because guys they trusted posted these nudes ? I’m not disowning social medias, I use them a lot, it’s my small addiction, but I think we need to be aware of this. »

We then talk about her relationship with makeup : « In middle school, I wasn’t aloud to wear any makeup except for when i was going out but I didn’t put much of it. And I’m glad I didn’t because I didn’t put anything on my face, I left my skin bare breathing and blossoming for a long time and I still don’t put anything on today. I really started wearing makeup in highschool, I put basic stuff (mascara, blush, powder… ). I spend my time off doing eye makeup, I love doing nice colors and I like it when it sparkles, but I don’t use it as a priority. I can easily be annoyed by girls that say « I can’t even go out without putting this or that… », I think it’s such a shame to determine your identity through makeup. Without makeup, I am Farah and with makeup, I am Farah. »

I finally ask her what is being a vraie meuf (real girl) to her. « A girl that assumes herself without trying to fit into a specific mould, when you stand out we constantly try to control us with Kylie Jenners etc. A real girl is a girl who doesn’t have any clones or copies. »

[itismetheperson]

moving back after harvey | a year and a half later

I don't know if I've officially announced this on the blog yet but I have moved! This post has actually been a long time coming. If you're a newer follower you might not know that in 2017 when Hurricane Harvey struck Houston me and my family were flooded out of our house and had to evacuate. You can find my full flooding story here. I thought today I would give a rundown of the past few years of my life and my thoughts on everything. :)

*I'll be linking to insta posts throughout this post where I talk about the topic so click on the links if you're interested in that.

Dec 21, 2017

Every since we flooded we've been working on rebuilding. After saving everything we could from the flooded house it was torn down. Saying goodbye was a bit intense. That was actually around Christmas of 2017 so we were at my grandparents house when it officially got demolished. I remember coming back and seeing my old house not there and being like wow. It's just gone. It took a couple of hours and all of those memories were just. Gone. 

Jan 2, 2018

One of the big things I've had to learn from this process is that just because the physical thing is gone doesn't mean the feeling is. The memory and feeling are still in your heart and head. I have moved 7 times in my life. I feel like I shouldn't get attached to houses by now. The thing is. This was going to be our forever home. But hey. God had other plans. And I think it worked out OK. 

Jun 4, 2018

Over the next few months we settle into our rented house and have lots and lots of meetings. After lots of decisions with architects and builders and contractors it's building time! Over this whole building process we visited a lottt. It was kind of insane to see the development.

Jun 25, 2018

I remember when we first saw the first part done. I don't know if it has registered in my mind that we were building a new house until that point haha. Since we didn't want to flood again we built the house 6 feet up. You're currently looking at me standing on the first floor. 

Aug 6, 2018 

Bye the time we returned from South Carolina that summer the house was almost done! It was slightly the same feeling of when we drove up to see our house demolished. Surprised and just generally not knowing how to feel. But wow. It looked cool haha. My parents have good taste. 

Dec 20, 2018 

My dad has an actual job (as a professor) but pretty much building the house became his second job. The garage was a workshop and if my dad was home he was either grading papers or building something. And we of course wanted to move in as soon as possible so there wasn't much of a break. I think us children definitely got it the best in this whole process. My parents always seemed crazy stressed. Which makes sense but it was just a lot to be around haha.  

This was also around the time I started being a whole lot healthier (might do a health journey video/post later) and so I would go on walks with my mom a lot around the neighborhood. At the beginning it was totally deserted except for the workers. Everyone in my neighborhood flooded. Some decided to just remodel, some decided to raise there house, and some decided to totally rebuild like us. After around 6 months the people who just remodeled started to move in! It would always make me so happy to see a new family. Whenever I saw a house torn down it made me happy. Just seeing progress made me happy. Around winter of 2018 things actually kind of returned to normal. There were kids at the park and people walking and it just made me smile so so much. We still hadn't moved back in though. 

Feb 15, 2019

Fast forward to February of 2019 and it was finally moving time. It seemed like for two solid weeks we were packing. We had only lived in the house for like a year. I'm not sure why we were packing so much. 

Feb 16, 2019

Moving day was honestly really fun. All of the friends came and helped and we ate foods and everyone helped me set up my room (y'all will be getting a room tour soon give me time to finalize everything). Everyone that came also knew the importance of it to us so it was just generally really nice. 

After we moved in and settled in we had a house warming party! It was mostly me saying hi to adults I didn't know at all but it was also like wow. This is a legit house. With life.

I love the new house. Plus at this point I would say over half of the neighborhood has moved back. There are still so many empty lots and houses under construction but there is also life. And people. 

I'm more sympathetic of natural disasters now. I'm guessing everyone who has been through one is. Whenever I see news about a new storm or tornado or anything I turn away. At my orthodontist office (I don't know if I've mentioned that on the blog either but yeah I have braces) the TV in the waiting room is always just playing the weather and it's like no. I really don't want to know. 

I want to end this by saying that this event wasn't normal. If you don't live in Houston you probably don't know this but we had three 500 year floods in 3 years (here's my post from Febuary of 2017). That. Doesn't. Make. Sense. Global warming is a thing my friendsss. I am not an expert on this subject but I have been trying to educate myself as I think all of y'all should as well. Do your part! Follow tollydollposh. I promise you'll be happy you did. 

Have you ever experienced a natural disaster? 

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[tikibuns]

I just spent an hour watching John play Lazaretto, and another hour analyzing it to try to figure out the plot so I could properly critique it.

Backstory: I always add a bit of critique in the comments about games like this just in case the dev pops in. It’s rare, but sometimes the dev shows up. I also saw them in the comments before I posted it, so...

Anyway, here’s what I have to say about Lazaretto Chapter 1.

I think I can see sort of where the story is going. This might just be me making connections where they aren't, but I'll give it a go to try to help out. I also spent like an hour mapping out characters and events. (I have no life other than to analyze story.)

You're an urban explorer, and you go to Lazaretto to hopefully get some great pics to up your Insta followers. As soon as you get in, you find out that something went down, but nobody knows what it is. The most information you get was that it happened on a Saturday Night. 

Other Saturday Night events: Frank had to work Sat. Night - Sunday. Nurse Haley mentions event on Saturday Night that they needed overtime for (which was approved). These two are speculation, but the seance was probably held on a Saturday Night, and Professor Cain's Human Zoo mentions it happens "____y Nights on the Island Lazaretto". Wouldn't put it past them to have it also on a Saturday Night.

When you actually get to the hospital bit, you start to get some information. Because of her face, maybe Sally was a patient? A note says that her mother had to be a monster, too. (paraphrasing) Loretta was either also a patient or she orchestrated something monstrous on the island. (She did want to meet everyone in the barn for some kind of retribution with bits of Sally's mask.) No one she talks to appears later, though there's a nurse named Rose and also she has a note for Rose. Also the name Marion is a derivative of Marie which comes from Mary. (Reaching, but it's something.)

The nurse's quarters open a whole other can of worms. Here's a list of the nurses and whether or not they signed up for the seance.

Gertrude (Gertie): Y June: N Elizabeth (Betts): Y Marguerite (Rita): Y Rose (Rosemary): N Mary: no, no, NO! Beatrice (Bea): Y Agnes (Aggie): N Haley (Head Nurse): Has to be there Grace: wasn't invited? Her name isn’t on the list.

Apparently, this seance involves Madame Iannuzzi (spelled Ianuzzi in subsequent mentions) coming and conducting it. Apparently things levitate and she goes into a trance, possibly opening the spirit world? Anyway, Mary goes full Christian and plasters her room in crosses. She takes the crystal ball, hides it, locks it up, and then locks the key to it up in a box she borrows from Grace. She only tells June, who urges her to return it. She also gets obsessive about telling Father Roberto, writing but not sending letters to him it seems. She intended to tell him about her issues on Sunday, especially her feeling that she has the marks of Christ. I'm guessing Sunday was the day after Saturday Night when the incident happened. Seems most likely.

Things get blurry once we enter the spirit world. No idea what's going on there. The doors are labeled Exploitation (Boat Ride, maybe explaining that Madame iannuzzi has an ulterior motive?), Delusion (Maze, not sure about symbolism), Repulsion (Spiders. Gross.), and Oppression (Spinny funhouse area). Just the words make me think of Prof. Cain's Human Zoo using disfigured people to make a profit as human zoos were for that purpose with their "sideshow freaks". Not sure about the end other than that you're in for a crazy party. 

Finally onto my commentary on the game. I think there are more characters than can be dealt with initially. I had a hard time figuring them out at face value (hence the character mapping I had to do to write this.) Also, since I'm not sure about the plot, the story could use more. I liked the end cutscene, so maybe utilize those instead of notes? Not too many, but a mixture could help. All of the character animations are neat, and it seems to be a strong point for y'all.