#i just. it's so unfair

[soryualeksi]

Been pondering and pondering my deceased colleague. Realized that while I wouldn't say we were "friends" like, on a personal, private level - but people tell me I am thinking too much about exact definitions of that and what points exactly have to be fulfilled for that, while I think my autistic ass thinks about exact definitions exactly the correct amount lol - I now realized we were in the PROCESS of becoming friends, maybe? We got along and were on the same wavelength a lot and I just LOVED to have him in conversations. We just. Vibed.

And now we will never BECOME friends on a personal, not-work level.

When I think about all the "could have beens". When I think about the last decade of my life and everything I did and experienced during it and that he will NEVER get that entire decade or any other.

When I remember that on New Year this year, a former colleague of "us" from before my time at this work place had unexpectedly died. And how I was offering my condolences, even though I didn't know that person. And the exact colleague who is now dead looked at me and said "I wished him a Happy New Year and then he just died, make a guess how I'm feeling now" with this sad, desperate smile. And in his dry humour.

And we won't see any other New Year together, either.

Just.

He was so young. No way he expected to NOT get any new New Year.

I can't wrap my head around it.

I think all of us are in shock and reeling because we saw this bright flame of a future EXTINGUISHED before our eyes. An entire life time, and entire future.

Nothing makes sense when such a young person suddenly dies. I think everyone, along with the general sense of loss and grief, is like "He was 10/20/30/40 years younger than me, this is just WRONG".

Even if that's irrational and young people die all the time.

It feels so WRONG to be surviving someone so much younger than you.

Dude, you should have thrown my retirement party. It would have been a blast. I wanted all of us to celebrate your achievements, your wins, like we always do.

I wanted you to become the most infamous emergency physician in the entire area.

How can all of that just be snuffed out between ONE WEEK AGO you going home "not feeling well" after soldiering through your shift with teeth grit.

WE TALKED ABOUT YOU AT THE HOSPITAL ER COFFEE BREAK THAT *OF COURSE* YOU WOULD HANG ON DESPITE BEING SICK AFTER YOU WENT HOME AND THAT MAYBE IN THE FUTURE YOU SHOULD CUT YOURSELF MORE SLACK BUT THAT IT WAS *SO YOU* TO DO THAT

How can you just. Never come back to us.

[bigfatbreak]

Birds of a Feather previous / next

[dailyhatsune]

I did a mecha miku🗣🔥🗣🔥🗣🔥

(Also on my blog)

↑ anonymous submitter’s original description ↑

————

she’s a cool robot!

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

biting is a love language biting is a love language Biting Is A Love Language-

[inkskinned]

he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.

except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?

at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.

except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.

about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.

he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.

[fluentisonus]

I've said this before but valjean's view of the bishop throughout the book gets me so bad because like. he knew him for what, a day maybe? and it absolutely had a vast & profound & positive impact on him. but then he goes on to spend the whole book comparing himself to his idealized vision of the bishop & finding himself wanting & feeling guilty and miserable about every petty or selfish thought that crosses his mind. but it's so fucked up because like we as the readers know the bishop better! we've read the whole first book and we know he came from a privileged & wealthy background, that he was a rake when he was young, it wasn't til he was in his 40s or 50s to have some sort of change of heart & become a priest (a similar age to valjean when he met him!), that he has moments that seriously shake him, that he has some dubious politics left over, that he still has moments of pettiness he has to work through on the page (his initial approach to the member of the convention, e.g.). and also he's just kind of a weird old guy (affectionate). and like this is not to criticize the bishop, I think he's a genuinely really good guy, just that while the bishop has a realistic view of himself & his past ("he described himself with a smile, an ex-sinner,"), valjean is not getting any of this except maybe like. what would be mentioned in the newspaper when the bishop died. so his whole view of him is of this one shining moment where he changed his life and he feels he doesn't live up to that. which is sad! because the bishop understood him more than he realized & wouldn't have wanted him to feel that way

[uncanny-tranny]

I think it would really benefit people to internalize that mental illnesses are often chronic and not acute. Some of us will never be able to jump the hurdle of managing illness, much less sustaining a sense of normalcy. Many of us will never "recover," will never manage symptoms, will never even come close to appearing normal - and this is for any condition, even the ones labeled as "simple" disorders or "easy-to-manage" disorders.

It isn't a failure if you cannot manage your symptoms. It isn't a moral failure, and you aren't an awful person. You are human. There's only so much you can do before recognizing that you cannot lift the world. Give yourself the space to be ill because, functionally, you are.

[pallanophblargh]

The annual ballpoint pallanoph in celebration of clinging to this rocky sphere for one more year (despite appearances) was delayed by a few days. Oops! I’m not dead, just growing older.

Art is still hard, but this runs on autopilot sometimes. And sometimes, that’s enough.

[madeofjules]

Katniss: "This fake relationship with Peeta is such a burden to me. I know he's in love with me but I wish he'd stop acting like it because it makes me feel guilty and awful."

Also Katniss, when Peeta doesn't act like the most perfect, loving, devoted boyfriend:

[redysetdare]

A character looks straight into the camera and says "I'm not interested in romance" and people will still say "No, it's not confirmed they're aromantic!!!" "They could change their mind!!!" "it's a challenge for them to overcome!!!" "They'll have character development that makes them fall in love"

It's like they are given the most blatant answer to a character romantic orientation and they actively ignore it. all the while all it takes is subtext for people to speak as if it is fact for a character to be any other sexuality.

[wtfforged]

made it to enies lobby with my friend:)

this is a redraw. heres the original screenshot!

[sunlit-mess]

I can only take so much, but lately, they have replaced my reflection. And realize I'm just as bad as them.

[da-shrimping-station]

im guessing that the Sitri+Amy story is set wayyy back, probably before Sitri left to study in Hades

you're telling me this man used to use a fucking Gatling gun before using the iron maiden HELLO???

no wonder his arms are beefy as fuck 👀 that explains a lot

[superbatlvr1]

remember who you are

[inkskinned]

one of the things about being an educator is that you hear what parents want their kids to be able to do a lot. they want their kid to be an astronaut or a ballerina or a politician. they want them to get off that damn phone. be better about socializing. stop spending so much time indoors. learn to control their own temper. to just "fucking listen", which means to be obedient.

one of the things i learned in my pedagogy classes is that it's almost always easier to roleplay how you want someone to act. it's almost always easier to explain why a rule exists, rather than simply setting the rule and demanding adherence.

i want my kids to be kind. i want them to ask me what book they should read next, and i want to read that book with them so we can discuss it. i want my kid to be able to tell me hey that hurt my feelings without worrying i'll punish them. i want my kid to be proud of small things and come running up to me to tell me about them. i want them to say "nah, i get why this rule exists, but i get to hate it" and know that i don't need them to be grateful-for-the-roof-overhead while washing the dishes. i want them to teach me things. i want them to say - this isn't safe. i'm calling my mom and getting out of this. i want them to hear me apologize when i do fuck up; and i want them to want to come home.

the other day a parent was telling me she didn't understand why her kid "just got so angry." this woman had flown off the handle at me.

my dad - traditional catholic that he is - resents my sentiment of "gentle parenting". he says they'll grow up spoiled, horrible, pretentious. granola, he spits.

i am going to be kind to them. i am going to set the example, i think. and whatever they choose become in the meantime - i'm going to love them for it.

[ultimateinferno]

In today's Adventuring Party it's mentioned that Fabian's first experience with the other dance bards was basically a sink or swim acceptance of their Thespian Energy™. The only way to survive was to embrace the shameless absurdity of the situation or be destroyed. Fabian succeeded.

As I thought about the Gorgug's talk with Porter , it might be a similar situation, but with Barbarians. Porter outright told Gorgug that he doesn't embrace his own rage, and it's self evident throughout their conversation. No well worded argument as to why Gorgug should multiclass would have ever convinced him, I think. When Porter mishandles Cloaca, Gorgug tries to politely correct him before simply giving up.

In this instance, Porter has made himself a massive wall blocking Gorgug's desires, and is being incredibly unfair to Gorgug. What does Gorgug do? He simply accepts it. Gorgug will rage and put his blood on the line for his friends, but has some issues with standing up for himself. I can think of two, maybe three instances where he has. 1) The first fight with Fabian. 2) When he slams Ragh into the lockers. And 3) when he tries to correct Telemaine on how to pronounce his name and that one was a purely verbal conversation that went nowhere.

In short, I think the correct answer to the conversation was for Gorgug to get mad. To respond to the clear unfairness and go "Hey fuck you!!" To punch through that wall and go "This isn't a fucking question, I'm going to multiclass." In the end, Gorgug still has yet to embrace being a barbarian.