#i keep fuckin forgetting to id pictures in my posts BUT I REMEMBERED THIS TIME

[foxtriestobiteandmaimandkilland]

Ever keep urself awake at night thinking of what would happen if ur house bruned down and what ud be abke to save and all the things thatd be lost. Like im genuinely getting fucking upset about this hypothetical universe where all my compyter files are gone, all my childhood diaries are gone, every drawing ive ever made is gone, all the clothes asides from what im wearing right now which is my fucking pajamas are gone, and the things id probably save r just my phone n my camera bc theyre light and expensive and hold a lotta shit on them. And maybe my sketchbook if i had time. But like dude ik realistically not everything would be lost but a damn good chunk of it would be and that just makes me so upset 2 thjnk abt bc like. Idk. I think it sucks bc bein a teenager is like. My life is my room. It is the one safe place in the entirety of the world. Everythjng that matters to me is here asides from my cat. So like. Losing my room would be like losing everything because i have nothing else. And because literally like all my worldly possessions are here. Anyways im anxious abt that now bc i was playing it out in my head and my biggest fear would be if i was jn a situation where i was sleeping naked bc it was so hot and i spent too much time trying to find clothes so i didnt run outside naked and couldnt even save my phone. Like id be able to get over losing most other yhings but my phone literally holds my fucking memories and without it i would literally forget so much of my life bc i have such a godawful memory. Like i need its calendar and i need the gallery and i need the messages. And yea. But shit dude. Id lose the diary i wrote when i was 8 and all the pictures ive drawn ever since i moved into this room when i was like 9 and all the books i have and all my sketches and my computer with all my files and my art tablet with the past few years worth of art and my clothes which mean so fuckin much to me like god if i cant dress comfortabky i am just fucking Not A Person and my fucking camera with all mt photos shit dude and if i loet my phone thats so many memories gone and so many ways to remember people i dont talk to anymore and years and years of cat photos gone and shit dude. Ok i think making a post has made me feel a bit better tho bc theres now that little voice in my head goin like What the fuck nobody thinks like this what r u on abt ur fine why would ur house burn down now when it hasnt for the past like fucking idk 18+ years ny parents have owned it

[spitblaze]

I'm 100% convinced modern art is just a way for rich people to launder money. "here's a sock I glued to a banana, $10k". Nothing weird going on here.

Now hold on a second, that's a great example- first, we need the context that artists, unless they are doing commissions, generally don't sell their art directly to collectors, it often goes through an intermediary, through art dealers and auctions.

So that begs the question- is that sock on a banana meant to just earn the artist some quick cash? Or is it there to say something to the art dealer, who's going to take a full half of the cut on average despite doing nothing but acting as a middleman? Is it meant to say something to the only people who could afford such a thing, the ultra-rich, and will treat it as an investment, rather than art, as they so often do?

Do you remember Banksy's shredded painting?

[ID: Banksy's 2018 painting Girl With A Balloon, which famously had a shredder concealed in the frame. It is half-shredded, and two gallery workers dressed in white, with white gloves and navy aprons, are calmly holding the frame. End ID]

What was the context of that? Just to get a reaction? Or was it saying something about ascribed value, or how art is treated after it's purchased by private collectors? Is this still valuable after it's been shredded? The auctioneers certainly thought so, because they put it back together, ruining the point of the whole thing.

Money laundering is such an easy answer, but the amount of artists who feel positively about their art being bought for millions and then squirreled away and sat on for value are...vanishingly few, to say the least. Remember what I said in my original post about the vacuum? About how so much ready-made art, the kind that people hate so much, is often about the fetishizing of commodities? Sure, it's always nice to get a paycheck, but do you think the same artist who makes art about that would be happy to have their own works treated the same way? As cool things to be bought and sold and looked at sometimes, rather than something the many can enjoy and contemplate?

The answer when you see something stupid being sold at ridiculously high prices is often one of three things: One, it could be that it's something that perhaps you don't see the value in, but is in fact a sort of masterpiece in the traditional sense, a piece that one makes to show that they have mastered a medium.

[ID: Jeff Koons's 1986 Rabbit, a three-foot-tall metal sculpture meticulously sculpted to look like a mylar balloon shaped like a rabbit with a carrot, rather than stainless steel. It was sold at auction for 91.1 million. End ID]

This rabbit may not look very impressive to you sitting there, but you have to take into account what it took to made this, the skill that went into this, the years of training and trial and error, and the ascribed value that other people see in it-the amount of people who see this, see themselves, feel nostalgia for their childhood, come away with meaning. There's a lot more here than just a metal rabbit, and the age specifically adds value- would the Mona Lisa be as valuable as it is if it weren't from the Renaissance? There’s also plenty of art that, while not necessarily technically impressive, conveys a narrative and emotional weight so heavy, that others can’t help but empathize and ascribe it with high value based on it’s meaning alone. You may need the artist’s own words to help you reach this point, but finding something deeply emotional in otherwise mundane objects is a great experience. A book full of words you can read is often more valuable than a book full of words you can’t, after all.

The second thing that it could very easily be, is that the artist is making fun of the people who are actually seeing real profit, and the whole business of art buying and selling.

[ID: Maurizio Cattelan's 2019 Comedian, a ripe banana duct-taped to a blank white wall. End ID]

As I said at the start, the average commission an art dealer will take is 50%- and that's at the beginning, when the artist hands over their work. Every time the work changes hands after that, the artist will rarely see a dime. The people who are making money here aren't the artists. In fact, up until recently, the ultra wealthy were using the purchase of art for tax evasion- if you were an artist, and your art got sold for millions years after you had initially sold it for maybe a few thousand after days of thought and labor and years of experience and training, only to know it was bought for tax evasion and wealth accumulation, wouldn't YOU get pissed? The banana itself was a mockery of this whole thing. Who would buy a banana for 120k? Who on earth would justify tax fraud and investment in a fruit taped to a wall? While that in and of itself is the joke of the piece, it was lost on many of us who aren't billionaires, simply because most of us don't have the context.

And don't just take my word for it, here's a whole article full of art-world context most people don't have, here's several articles about the banana.

And while we're at it, bc of course it always comes back to capitalism, here's a summary Marx's general formula for capital, which is promise is relevant and will help you understand why rich people pay mad money for this shit.

TL;DR- I promise you, the artists who make socks on bananas that sell for huge amounts of money know it's bullshit just as much as you do, get much less money out of it than you think, and they're doing it on purpose to piss off the ultra-wealthy that only want the art to add to their dragon-hoard of investments and tax fraud.

[edge-lorde]

hp update: its been a long time, boys. ud think that with this plague outbreak id have more time for shitty phone games, and ud be right! however, the time i normally might use to make tumblr posts has been taken up by reading lotr orc fanfiction non-stop for at least 1 full month. id still be in the thick of that obsession even now if only the fics would update. that is how i find you today folks, for the first time in many weeks i am staring at a screen with nothing to do. so come with me friends, theres no better way to fill the soulless void we are all in than reading a nice long tumbler post. 

disclaimer, first of all, a lot has happened, i prefer to keep these updates as plot spoiler free as possible but do to extenuating circumstances i feel like it is necessary to say, [SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER BELOW]

that rowan fucking died,

i wont say exactly how, but i will say that her death was animated as were animations of myself and a few others reacting to our friend fresh corpse. obviously meant to be serious moments but the animations made it seem almost comical. 

i saw at least one post going around right after this update that was like ‘how could the game devs do this to us..... how could they hate rowan so.... this is punishment from on high’ and its like.... u guys do know what a story is right? the events of  a story are not typically done to punish less faithful fans, im pretty sure they were planning to kill rowan off from the beginning. this isnt disney im pretty sure the writers are not writing each chapter the night before its released by popular vote. 

that little “are we drifting away..?” scene with rowan makes more sense now. there was a bit in one of the scenes where the kids all reminisce on rowans life and the mc talks about it being the last real one on one time they had with rowan. a nice bitter sweet moment. i dont hate this turn of events. its a good reminder that actions have consequences and we are way past they days of “should i wear a hat or scarf?” its YA time now. 

i did manage to take 1 screenshot from this time, i had commented that before that when rowan said she didnt have many friedns that barnaby seemed to be hanging out with her without be there as a friend buffer and here was his reaction to her death:

;_;

the funniest part in all of this however, was of course cedericks reaction to rowans death “but she was so young....” LOL fuckin RIP.

lets see... what else.... i forget a lot of what happened but i think there was a time sensitive quidditch event in there somewhere? if so i  dont remember it. what i do remember of the quidditch pals is that im gonna play beater now, skye is being weird and cagey about it, andre is involved.... the others are there.....

sidenote, i love the shitty b characters they throw in to be like yes you know this person but no they are not cool enough for u to even think about befriending. the first one of those is face paint kid, and now we have another, who is a former beater girl with horrible bangs named bean who didnt go to any classes for a whole season so she could just play ball 24/7 and got kicked off the team.  this is a character who only exists to provide an explanation as to why there would be a beater position open but i love them on principle. 

right now im in the midst of another time sensitive event, this one is a bother-your-brother-at-work-day event where recent hogwarts graduate bill weasley is bullied by myself and his younger brother charlie into letting us go with him on one of his curse breaking jobs. 

so for those unfamiliar, bill works for the magical bank of england.... and his job seems to be “retrieving treasure” for said bank. in the books, there is a bit where he takes his family on one of his trips to egypt, where his job seemed to have been tomb plundering indiana jones style for the posterity of the english bank :X. i wont explain here why thats bad but its bad. 

the game devs however in this instance, at least SEEM to be doing what jkr couldnt do by attempting to salvage what is left of gringotts bank and form it into not a super shitty implications factory run by horrible jewish caricatures. bills mission is to retrieve a goblin made artifact that was taken by dragons, so no going to foreign countries to steal things from other people! only going to a dragon reserve to rifle through animal nests. they even appear to be providing us with a likable goblin character, egad!  

my hope for this event is that we get a plotline about how maybe, goblins arent shifty human haters for no reason, and in fact they hate magic humans for very understandable reasons, like being forced to go into hiding with the rest of the magical world even though only the humans wanted to do that, and maybe despite running the bank in england they still dont have a lot of political sway in the world of wizards and witches, and have to rely on the faith that said wizards and witches wont fuck them over at every turn, even as they see how they treat other non-humans, such as house elves, which they desperately dont want to end up like. and maybe they DONT only care about gold... maybe thats a human stereotype based on the fact that theres a long history of humans not respecting goblin ownership customs.... which i could get into..... but i wont.... i just....... very badly dont want them to suck ;__________;

i know i said its ok to still like a piece of media as long as you recognize the problems with it, and i do, but once this game is done im gonna stop hp posting all together. ive been feeling more and more uncomfortable making these posts lately.  

GENERAL GAME NOTES; theres been some new layout changes and such. 

most notably the stairs screen has been changed from a bulleted list of all locations to a screen with tiles picturing an image of each location along with the name + icons of all classes at each place. there is one additional location that is new and yet to be unlocked, and the dragon reservation is appearing temporarily as its own tile as well. i prefer this method of getting in and out of a temporary location to how they did it with car during the last christmas special. the stairs icon also now stays in the corner when you scroll through locations, allowing you to open the stairs menu without scrolling all the way back to the left. 

they also moved a few of the buttons down into the lower left corner rather than the left side & combined the story button and sidequest button. they added a little camera button as well, just like in the dormitory, that makes all the icons in a location disappear and look better for screenshots. 

the daily special add offer thing now has its own button in the top right corner of the screen, and idk if i mentioned it before but now there are daily challenges that appear in the sidequest screen that offer small rewards for completing 3 tasks per day + a better one if u get all 3. the prizes are things like 4 energy, 75 coins, 3 monster food. the better rewards are usually either more coins, 8 energy, 3 gems, or 1 notebook. i think that it does all the different color notebooks but i cant remember for sure if i ever saw the gold one up as a reward. i like this addition in any case. if you dont pick up ur reward by the end of the day, the next time u log on it will force u to stop and accept them, and if one of the rewards is energy and ur energy bar is full, it does not seem to stack beyond the bar so watch out.

 the character stats page is now more zoomed out so you can see your full character instead of just from the waist up. no change to the leaderboard. rowans face in the friendship roster is now a still black and white image that says ur friend may be gone but friendship is forever u-u. 

rowan has been removed from all classes. in the classes where the minigames involved her, those minigames have passed the mantle onto other friends in the class. in potions that person is now liz helping u find stuff off the shelves and in tranfiguration that person is badeea. bless these girls for helping mc get through it. touched my heart. 

theres been a few fun little “i know u have more free time now so uhhhh have some energy” prizes like they do sometimes when they dont update on schedule so thats been nice. just a few days ago they gifted us 3 gold notebooks the same way. :O. 

theres also been a few instances of a energy happy hour where for a limited time energy takes less time to refresh. normally it takes 4 mins for 1 energy to do this but during happy hour its like 2:30 mins. :U its all very interesting.

and that will have to do it for tonight my friends, ill do a post for the dragon event when its done because i do like it so far and i do like getting to bully bill with charlie. 

until next time, remember.......

[youngbloodseavey]

stay golden // corbyn besson

this is my “thank you for 2k followers” post. i’d like to say thank you, because i never thought this would ever be happening when i started this blog. thank you guys for supporting me and this blog, even when i don’t post or i don’t follow through with my projects. thank you. thank you for 2k. it means the absolute world and more to me. i love each and every one of you with my entire heart and more.

request: Requests are open! Yay! I have some requests that I've been storing up  just waiting for this moment. So let's say that Corbyn had this childhood friend who was also his neighbour and one day when they're like 14/15 she moves to the other side of the country and they get disconnected. She always had a crush on him and so when she finds out he's on tour like 4/5 yrs later she gets limelight tickets bc wow she doesn't think he remembers her and then they reconnect and like probably fluff who knows         

i have no fuckin idea how limelight works so like bare with me kids, and also corbyn is SINGLE in this story. S I N G L E. christina is not corbyn’s girlfriend in this story so keep that in mind tHANKS

pairing: corbyn x fem!reader

triggers: none

“why do you have to leave me?” corbyn pouted at his best friend y/n, as they laid together in the grass fields by their houses. 

the fifteen year-olds had been best friends since diapers, and had found out recently that y/n had to move all the way across the country from their home in virginia to california.

“corbs, i don’t want to move. i wanna stay here with you, and graduate, and live my life here in virginia. but my dad got this new fancy-ass job, and i can’t get out of moving,” y/n rolled over onto her stomach, now facing her blue-eyed best friend.

“trust me, the last thing i want to do right now is to leave,” she whispered, feeling the familiar sting of tears rush through her, and her eyes became watery.

“no, please don’t cry y/n,” corbyn rushed out, immediately sitting up and taking the girl into his arms. “if you cry then i’m gonna start crying.”

 the two teenagers held each other in an embrace for what felt like an eternity, not even bothering to speak to each other. all they did was enjoy each other’s presence, because soon they wouldn’t be seeing each other for a long time.

“i love you so much corb,” the girl whispered, burying her face into corbyn’s shoulder. she took in a deep breath, inhaling the intoxicating scent that was her best friend. 

“i love you too y/n.” corbyn was near tears, but was determined to not show his weakness to his best friend. he gently pressed his lips to her temple, lingering for a few seconds before he pulled away.

“y/n! let’s go!” the pair jumped apart at the sound of y/n’s parents, who were loading the car with their luggage. the rest of their stuff would come later in a u-haul. 

“one second mom!” y/n yelled at her parents, who were beginning to look impatient. “hey, before i leave, i wanted to tell you something that i’ve been keeping a secret for a long time,” y/n began to start, taking corbyn’s hands in hers.

the boy’s heart began to race, as he stared into the eyes of his longtime best friend (and admittedly, his longtime crush).

“i really li-” she began, but was cut off by the honk of the car’s horn, beckoning her to go to her parents.

“i’m really gonna miss you.” a sad, tearful smile painted itself on her face. “stay golden besson, because i have no doubt that one day i’m going to see you on some big fancy billboard because you have a number one album. i know i will.” she leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek, squeezing his hand in hers before running off to her parents and hopping into the car. “never stop chasing your dreams. because they’ll become a reality. don’t forget me okay?”

and with a sad smile y/n y/l/n was gone, leaving a tearful corbyn besson alone in a grassy field.

||

it had been four whole years since y/n had seen corbyn. after y/n left and corbyn began to seriously pursue music, it was a bumpy ride for their friendship.

and soon enough, their friendship simply didn’t exist.

it wasn’t a malicious falling out, there was no foul words or cruel gestures. there was simply just silence. and the two of them had to deal with an empty line, a static crackle of nothingness on the other side. 

of course the thought of the other was always in the back of their minds, but both y/n and corbyn were far too scared to try and reconnect. what if what they had wasn’t the same as before?

so when y/n saw that a band called “why don’t we” was going on tour, she was immediately intrigued. and when she saw her blue-eyed ex-best friend on the front cover of the poster, only one question plagued her mind.

does corbyn remember me?

so in an attempt to answer that question and rid her head of the incessant nagging that had been continuous for the past four years, y/n took out her debit card and bought a limelight ticket to their los angeles show. 

so that’s what brought y/n here. standing near the front of the line at the venue. it was only 3:00 and there was already a line wrapped around the block, which warmed y/n’s heart to no end.

you made it corbyn, i knew you could do it.

her stomach began to tie itself in knots as time went on, each second seeming to pass on like a minute.

y/n pulled her phone out of her back pocket, her foot tapping on the pavement as she checked the time for what seemed like the thousandth occasion. 5:00. they should be letting people in for limelight soon.

she began to scroll through her phone, managing to somehow scroll deep into her camera roll. she stopped across a photo of her and corbyn from the 9th grade, smiling wistfully at their goofy grins and wide eyes. 

it was crazy to see how much had changed in four years. corbyn was now touring the world, and y/n was finishing up her first year of college. 

“oh my god, you’ve met corbyn?!” y/n was shook out of her daze by an excited voice squealing from behind her, and she turned around to see a girl no older than 16. the girl was wide-eyed and excited as ever, another girl whom y/n assumed to be her friend looking equally as hyped. y/n was irked that the two girls were looking at her phone screen without her permission, but decided to mask her irritation with a smile.

“yeah,” she began, trying to think of an excuse as to how she knew corbyn. she didn’t want people to know she was corbyn’s childhood best friend, it might cause unnecessary drama. “i met him a few years back. i’ve been a fan of him since the beginning, and i’m so insanely proud of him and i want to support him in any way possible.” well, at least she wasn’t lying. the two girls nodded.

“well what’s it like to meet him? is he nice?” one of the girls asked, and y/n began to smile. childhood memories of her and corbyn began to flood her mind, causing a warm feeling to ball up in her stomach.

“he’s the sweetest person you’ll ever meet. i miss him to absolute death, and i can’t wait to see him again.” y/n almost became choked up as she spoke, memories of her and corbyn overwhelming her mind. 

the girls opened their mouths to speak, but were interrupted by a man with a megaphone beginning to yell over the crowd.  

“people with a limelight ticket, please come to the front of the crowd! stand in front of the entrance doors, we will be letting you in very shortly.” y/n’s pulse began to race, and she said a quick goodbye to the girls she was talking to before making her way to the big, double-door entrance.  

her nerves were as high as they could be as she was let in through the doors, taking out her id for security to check and having her ticket scanned. 

soon enough, y/n found herself waiting on a couch in a large room, fifty or so fans milling about the room. her stomach was in a million knots, and she began to play with her fingers as a nervous habit.

she took out her phone and began to scroll aimlessly, checking her social media in an attempt to sway the nerves from her stomach. she couldn’t even focus on the posts and tweets she was looking at, instead her head was swarming with nervousness and thoughts.

what if he doesn’t remember me? what if we don’t click like we used to? what if he hates me?

the last thought absolutely terrified y/n. she knew that they fell out, but she didn’t hold any ill feelings towards corbyn for it. hopefully he feels the same way.

“oh my god they’re here!” y/n heard the high pitched squeal of a teenage girl, followed by a flurry of screams. they’re here. this is it.

“hey guys!” she heard a deep male voice, and she traced the voice back to a tall, brown haired boy. she recognized him as jonah, who was the oldest in the band.

y/n had decided to do some studying up on the rest of the band and their music before coming, just so she didn’t look like a complete idiot. and she had to admit, they made some damn good music.

the screams soon died down, morphing into loud conversation. the band members began to mill around, speaking to fans and taking photos. the couch y/n was sitting on was in the corner farthest from the boys, which she was grateful for.

she began to formulate four years of regret and apologies into a single sentence, which proved as hard as it sounds. 

y/n saw that the band began to come closer, talking to the fans and taking pictures. she was a few feet away from daniel, and she decided to push her nerves to the side and walked up to the blue-eyed boy, who was clad in a floral button down and black pants. 

daniel caught y/n’s eye, and finished up his conversation with the girls he was with to approach the nervous girl.

“hey there love!” daniel’s tooth-gap was on full display, his joyful aura almost immediately soothing some of y/n’s nerves. he enveloped her into a tight hug, resting his chin on top of her head. 

y/n hugged back, feeling oddly comfortable in daniel’s arms. she pulled away after a few seconds, taking in a deep breath.

“so what’s your name?” daniel asked, plopping down on the couch that y/n was previously sitting on. y/n took seat next to him sinking down into the fabric. 

“y/n,” she responded, moving herself into a comfortable position.

“well that’s a gorgeous name,” daniel responded, turning his body to face y/n. “where are you from?”

“i live in los angeles now, but i used to live in fairfax, virginia.” y/n explained her heart warming at the thought of her hometown.

“fairfax? that’s where corbyn’s from!” his bright eyes widened at the realization, and y/n nodded. “did you used to know him?” y/n nodded.

“we used to be best friends actually,” y/n mumbled, feeling a sudden amount of wistfulness wash over her.

“woah wait, really? no way,” daniel looked shell shocked. y/n nodded yet again, taking out her phone and pulling up a picture of her and corbyn from their 8th grade formal. she showed the photo to daniel, whose jaw seemed to drop even more.

“i’ve known him since we were in diapers, and we were best friends until i moved to california when we were 15,” y/n explained, pulling up another picture of her and corbyn for emphasis. “after that we kinda just, lost touch i guess.” y/n shrugged, and daniel nodded.

“so is that why you’re here? to see corbyn again?” daniel asked, and y/n moved her head up and down in a nod.

“i’m terrified though, like what if we don’t connect like we used to? i don’t know, maybe i’m overthinking things but it has been four years,” y/n trailed off, her eye catching a tuft of bright blonde hair from across the room. her heart skipped a beat at even the tiniest sight of him.

daniel was silent for a few moments, and y/n could see that the boy was deep in concentration.

“let’s go say hi to him.” daniel stood up, reaching a hand out to y/n to help her stand up from the couch. 

“w-what?” y/n stammered, her heart beginning to race.

“let’s go see him right now. you need to rip off the band-aid, and he needs a boost of confidence and energy. tour is taking a lot out of him, and maybe you’ll be the thing to give him that boost.” he replied, gesturing once more to signal for y/n to take his hand.

“fine.” she took his hand, standing up. “but if he doesn’t remember me, you have to get me out of there immediately okay?”

“deal.” daniel smiled, and began to walk with y/n over to where corbyn stood with a crowd of girls around him.

“i’ll distract the fans, you go talk to corbyn.” he gave her a bright, reassuring  smile before sauntering over to the group of fans, sending the group into a frenzy. he walked a couple steps to the right and the girls followed him and began to talk animatedly, leaving corbyn standing alone.

y/n attempted to shake the butterflies from her stomach, but to no avail.

deep breaths, deep breaths.

she walked over to corbyn, who turned to talk to another fan. she took in another breath, before raising her hand and tapping him on the shoulder.

“hey there besson.” she breathed out, staring into the same clear blue eyes that she adored so much. the same blue eyes that were filled with tears the last time she saw him four years prior.

“y/n?” his eyes scanned your face, not believing for a second what he was seeing. was this really her? was it his best friend? the girl he was so deeply in love with for practically his entire life?

he couldn’t help himself, and scooped her into a bear hug. she wrapped her legs around his waist, burying her head into the crook of his neck. he smelled of cologne, mixed with the familiar scent of him that she remembered from oh-so long ago. he smelled like corbyn.

“i missed you so much,” she mumbled feeling tears make their way to her eyes. she clung onto him like a koala bear, savoring every millisecond of the hug as if it made up for the four years of not talking to each other, and she could tell corbyn was doing the same.

“i missed you more.” his voice shook with emotion, and he too was near tears. y/n pulled away from the hug, her legs still wrapped around his waist.

“impossible.” she smiled, locking eyes with corbyn. the bright blue orbs blazed with emotion, and she could see the tears that brimmed on his lower lash line.

she looked over corbyn’s shoulder for a second, seeing that daniel was looking at the pair with a wide smile plastered on his face. he shot her a thumbs up and she laughed, burying her face in corbyn’s shoulder once more.

after a minute or so of just enjoying each other’s presence, corbyn gently set y/n down onto the ground, his hands still placed on her waist. the smallest reminder that he was still there, he was real, he wasn’t going anywhere.

“i’m so sorry for everything,” she mumbled, the tears that pooled in her eyes beginning to fall down her face in delicate strokes. “i should’ve tried harder to make our friendship work, but i gave up.”

“it’s not your fault. half of the blame is on me too. it’s both our faults, but nothing is gonna change our mistakes from the past. what’s important is that we focus on the future. our future.” he gently cupped her face in his hands, wiping away the tears with a simple stroke of his thumb.

she smiled, placing her smaller hands over his.

oh god, i really want to kiss him.

the thought ran through her head, and she almost immediately pushed it aside.

it’s been four years since you’ve seen him y/n, don’t just go kissing your old best friend and crush in front of a bunch of his fans with cellphones in their hands.

he looked into her glittering eyes, feeling the pull that he felt towards her four years prior. it was as if nothing had changed in his heart and soul.

i’ve never wanted to kiss someone more. his heart longed for her lips on his.

he slowly began to lean in, and y/n sucked in a breath and began to weigh the options in her head.

fuck it.

she leaned in, melting into his gentle touch. y/n’s eyes fluttered shut, corbyn’s doing the same. their lips were four inches apart.

three inches.

two inches.

one inch.

“okay guys!” y/n and corbyn jumped apart, both blushing a bright crimson. they had failed to notice the crowd that had formed a circle around the pair. “sadly it’s time for us to go, but we want you all to know that we love you guys so much, and we hope you enjoy the show tonight!” jonah’s voice boomed, sending a smirk in corbyn’s direction.

“i-i guess i have to get going now,” corbyn mumbled, his hand going to rub the back of his neck.

“yeah, you probably should,” y/n began to fiddle around with her fingers, rocking back and forth gently on her heels.

“i hope you enjoy the show, i’ll see you after? i can send someone out to come find you, so you can come backstage if you want?” he proposed, and y/n’s heart set alight.

“i’d love that,” she smiled shyly at the blonde boy. “break a leg besson.”

“see you later y/l/n.” he paused for a beat. “i hope i make you proud.” he bent down and pressed a soft kiss on her cheek, the spot where his lips touched tingling after he pulled away.

he shot her another heart-melting smiled before walking away, a bounce in his step.

i have no doubt that you’ll make me the proudest i’ve ever been when i see you up there corbyn. i always knew you’d make it.

[transsteves]

do all the vague nsfw asks you wanna do

I’m probably gonna answer all of them lmao I’m bored and into oversharing

1. Are looks important in a relationship?not really. aesthetics? yes. so kinda??? idk. not really, it’s more of an emotional connection, but if ur adorable like thats a plus (but everyone’s adorable)

2. Are relationships ever worth it?I hope so? I really hope so. but I can’t prove it yet.

3. Are you a virgin?technically???? no. consensually, yes.

4. Are you in a relationship?no :/ unless one specific guy asks, and then yes I have a girlfriend I need him off my back

5. Are you in love?I doNT KNOW WHAT LOVE IS

6. Are you single this year?yes I��m alone

7. Can you commit to one person?yes??? but I get worried that that person can’t commit to me, esp since I’m so sex repulsed lmao. but I really like being in poly relationships so idm!!

8. Describe your crush????????????? skip

9. Describe your perfect matelmao this sounds like some animalistic shit but ummmmm it’s just… someone who loves and supports me and doesnt falter or hurt me when I get bad, I spose.

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?I don’t know? I’ve never had that and eh

11. Do you ever want to get married?maybe? imma leave that as a solid maybe

12. Do you forgive betrayal?id love to say no to keep up my salty aesthetic but like. yes. too much. I forgive literally almost everything

13. Do you get jealous easily?a little.

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?why is this question after the describe your crush???? um okay also I don’t understand my emotions so skip

15. Do you have any piercings?yis!!! I have a nose piercing, a lip piercing, two piercings in my left ear, and a stretcher in my right ear! I also have three closed up ear piercings haha

16.Do you have any tattoos?yup! I have a sloth on my right arm and three dots on my left ankle

17. Do you like kissing in public?ok um yes??? but generally in places I feel safe to be doing that like I wouldn’t do it in my hometown probably

there are ??? two numbers missing from the post ??? tf

20. Do you shower every day?haha no what??? u think I have my life together???

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?bitch I don’t understand my own emotions u think I can understand other people’s ok i know one person does but we Do Not Talk About That and he’s not on here

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?I hope not!!! but I kinda also hope so. what is life???

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?yes???

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?ha no probably not

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?yes I’m lonely

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?yeah, in a very manipulative way tho so I don’t trust that

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?no

28. Have you ever been cheated on?yes

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?technically no?? I have been kissed/other things have happened while I’ve been in a relationship and I’ve been vulnerable (high/drunk/etc) but I didn’t reciprocate

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?um yeah take my tits away get fuckin rid of em

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?yes

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?I think so??

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?not consensually

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?not consensually

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?yes

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?yes

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?yes

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?yes, bc I thought I was a straight cis girl lmao

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?no

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?yes many many but a lot of them are angry. a couple were nice.

41. Have you had sex so far this year?no

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?forever

43. How long was your longest relationship?um??? 4 years but it was in bits so in a continuous nature 6 months

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?OH GOD UM 5??? I think???

45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013?that was so long ago wtf I was 13/14 um??? I think about 5 but a lot of those were auditions

46. How many times did you have sex last year?none (I think)

47. How old are you?18

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?eh nvm

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?I am alone

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?I want to say no, because they fucked me up a lot, but realistically I would probably take them back

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?most people???

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?yes, and we do not talk about him.

54. Is there someone you will never forget?unfortunately yes

55. Share a relationship story.skip.

56. State 8 facts about your body1) I have hypermobility in all my joints which lets me do super cool shit bc I can dislocate/hyperextend everything and freak people out; 2) my nail beds are always bleeding because I bite them; 3) according to my friend Lewis, you can “literally feel [my] ribs through [my] tits what the fuck that’s so wild”; 4) my hips stick out at the front and sometimes when I’m not paying attention I walk into doors and that’s what hits the door first; 5) I have a scar above my left eyebrow because I tripped over a bike in a park when I was three and cracked my head open and it was open to the bone; 6) my hair is ridiculously fucking straight apart from one tiny bit which literally grows in ringlets; 7) I’m always covered in bruises; 8) my wrists click and it makes me happy

57. Things you want to say to an exthere’s too much to write but I’m gonna write a song at some point so

58. What are five ways to win your heart?1) letting me talk about nerdy shit without getting bored; 2) supporting me when I’m down and broken; 3) loving animals and like… being kind to animals; 4) secret talents ???? they make me so happy; 5) being able to shout about exciting things together

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)I’ll reblog one in a sec!

60. What was the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?8 years I think

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone????? um??? physically, probably hair because I avoid looking people in the eye even in photos lmao

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?skip.

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?skip.

64. What is your definition of cheating?skip.

65. What is your favorite foreplay routine?YEP SKIP.

66. What is your favorite roleplay?SKIP THIS.

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?ummm… it’s autumn and it’s like just starting to get cold and it’s blankets and coats while we’re sat on the riverbank with a laptop and Wi-Fi connection out of somewhere and we’re watching stupid funny movies and drinking coffee and everything is quiet and fine

68. What is your sexual orientation?I’m panromantic asexual!!

69. What turns you off?um, skip

70. What turns you on?in have an answer for this but like skip.

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?never had one.

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?SKIP.

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?idk honestly

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?I don’t??? know??? aesthetic like, the clothes and the hair and stuff I guess

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?skip.

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?skip.

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?if everyone’s of age and it’s like, age appropriate? I think the rule is like half your age and add seven and the answer is the youngest ???

78. What’s your dirtiest secret?nope. skip.

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?I genuinely don’t remember

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?like,,,, half an hour ago

81. Who are five people you find attractive?imma take this as celebs bc I’m not doing people: 1) dodie fckn clark oh god; 2) joe keery; 3) rj cyler; 4) Natalia dyer; 5) Hannah witton

82. Who is the last person you hugged?my mummm

83. Who was your first kiss with?ok honestly this is my fave story bc it was with this guy Stevie and it was legitimately in a fucking audition for a part I didn’t even get and I was still in the closet but the role was for a trans boy (granted, a fairly poorly written trans boy), and ugh

84. Why did your last relationship fail?because I didn’t want to be in the relationship but was guilted into it

85. Would you ever date someone off of the internet?yeah, I have before lmao

[rebekahsremarkable]

Crazy

His hands felt a lot like the bath water- they almost burned when they first touched my body, but the longer I submerged myself into them the better it felt. 

I noticed the lighting of the bathroom perfectly flicker against the silhouette of his body as I let myself sink into the water. My back gently fell against his chest. He sat his backside against the wall of the tub, so we both could perfectly fit into our own little ceramic heaven. I sank my body against his, ready to carefully take every second of this moment in. I had to memorize the scent of the many candles he lit; the careful placement of the rose petals on the floor; that on this random Tuesday evening in 2011, I was happily captured in Parker’s arms, and completely lost in infatuation. 

He wet my hair with the extended shower head. He brushed my hair back, tucking it behind my ear:

“You know I love you, don’t you?” he inquired. 

“Which part?” I chuckled, feeling the warm water flow down my backside. 

“Ah, now that’s the million dollar question.” He whispered. I could hear him smile. He wet the loofah to the right of him, and filled it with my favorite lavender soap. The suds overflowed onto the front of my body.

He gently scrubbed my front side, starting from my collar bone. The loofah made it’s way down.

“Well, I love these, for starters...” he spoke, as he used his left hand to squeeze as many suds as he could, and the right one to gently massage his hand onto my right breast. I closed my eyes and focused on his breath on my neck. 

“Oh yeah? And what else?” I gasped.

He kissed the back of my shoulder. “What else?” he laughed. His hands disappeared under the water, and I heard the drop of the loofah. “I love your hips.” He said, grabbing onto them. “I love every curve of you.” He ended the statement with a kiss to the other side of my neck. 

“..That’s it?” I sarcastically commented. I paused, anticipating one last body part to be claimed. 

“Oh, how could I forget my all time favorite.” he smirked. 

I waited, patiently looking forward to the touch of his hands on the inside of my upper thigh. 

Instead, I felt the gentle nudge of his pointer finger turn my head around so I could see his wide green eyes and wet amber-colored hair. He took his two hands upon my cheeks and pressed his lips against mine. He pulled away and softly spoke:

“Your lips. I couldn’t live without them, Bekah.” 

My heart jumped. No- it leaped. I wondered how long I could stay in this perfectly drawn bath before my body would turn wrinkly and ugly. I glanced to the right and noticed the clock on the wall. 

“It is NOT midnight.” I shrieked, jumping out of the bathtub. I scurried to the towel rack, wrapping myself up and trying to find the clothes I earlier tore off of my body. 

“Shit. I forgot about your curfew.” he said, disappointed. 

“Yeah, me too...” I said, hooking my bra and running out to find my shirt.

I finally found it and fit it over my head. As my eyes opened, I noticed Parker standing a few feet in front of me. 

He was still a little wet, so his beard looked more red than normal. His scruff went down to his neck, where his perfectly exaggerated collar bone popped, glistening with the bit of bubble he missed when he dried off. He only had a towel on, tied onto his hip. I took the brief moment to analyze his body. 

Parker was only a tad skinny, but it was the type of skinny in which it accentuated every muscle in his body. I could use my finger to trace each muscle group, viewing every line, every connection, and every flaw. I loved each one. 

“Babe.” I took a step closer. “You gotta take me home.”

He walked the rest of the distance between us, and wrapped his arms around my body. I contemplated pulling away- he was getting my clothes wet- but I decided I didn’t care and pressed my head against his chest. He rested his chin onto the top of my noggin. 

“Marry me.”

I chuckled. “You gotta take me home, babe.”

“Bekah,” He gently pushed my shoulders backward so I was forced to look directly into his eyes. “Marry me.”

I pushed his body away from mine and slowly walked backwards. “Parker... I’m seventeen.”

“I didn’t ask how old you were. I asked if you’d marry me.” 

I didn’t speak for a moment. And he just stood there, looking at me. He just stood there and loved me from across the living room. 

In hindsight, I guess I could’ve said yes. I would been 18 in a few months. I would have loved him. I could have. But I didn’t say yes. 

“Where’s my purse?” I asked, frantically. I journeyed to his bedroom and looked for the rest of my belongings. 

“What is it you want, Bekah?” He yelled passionately from the other room, as I grabbed my bag from under his bed. I walked passed him in the living room as I made my way to the front door. I stopped into the entryway, facing the exit. 

“Do you want me to get down on one knee?” He desperately chuckled. 

“No, Parker, I...” I turned around and there he was. In a just a towel, his amber hair still wet, on one knee, with a small jewelry box in his hand. 

“I could love you forever. Through all your phases. Through all the super hero movies. Through all our pointless fights. Through the bad arguments with your Dad. Through your issues with your Mom. I could love you through that. I know it’s small, and I know I don’t have a lot of money and I know there’s so much ahead of us but I want that big, gaping hole of future to be spent with you. Through all the uncertainties, I will love you. I can, and I will.”

I just stood there. Silently. 

“Bekah...” He paused. “Rebekah... Marry me.” 

I wish I could look back and tell you what I was thinking in that moment. Some profound explanation as to why, as a seventeen year old girl who loved Disney Princesses and happy endings, who had a gaurenteed one of her own right in front of her, said what she said. But I don’t remember what I thought. I don’t know if I even thought anything. I just, spoke.

“Parker... Take me home.” 

He stayed knelt down for a second. He sniffed once and then finally stood, wiping the last of the dripping water from his head. He looked down and shut the box. And opened his mouth only to speak:

“You... You are fucking crazy.” 

**************************************************************

The doorman looked at my ID and then looked down at me. I smiled the same way I do in my picture, like I do every time he makes this look at me. 

“I knew you were a Scorpio.” He said. 

“You should only be noticing I’m 23 and old enough to get into your club.” I smirked. “And how could you tell?!” 

He handed me my ID back and watched me as I walked away. 

“The dress, Rebekah. It’s the dress.”

I felt the doorman’s eyes on my backside as my friends and I walked away, arm-in-arm. It was New Year’s Eve and my two new friends had agreed to let me tag along with them on their night out. Leanne was stuck in Denver and though my heart yearned for my best friend, I took shots in her remembrance.

“That dress really does fit you like a glove.” One of my PIC’s for the night yelled over the music. 

Naomi was the most underrated women I knew: Sharp as a whip but still knew how to have a good time. She was ready for anything- at all times. And I couldn’t ever keep up with her. Seriously, she drank like a sexy-dressed fish. 

“DIET COKE AND VODKA!” She exclaimed to the bartender. “WHAT DO YOU WANT?” She inquired to me over Bad and Boujee. 

“Vodka and cranberry.” a sexy voice said behind me. Shit. That sexy sounds familiar. I slowly turned around and there he was: Mr. Irrelevant *(see previous posts to catch up)*. 

His jaw was topped with a growing beard that reminded me a sexy lumberjack- if sexy lumberjacks were huge ass holes that never called like they said they would. 

“I know I’m not wrong,” he said. 

“You never think you’re wrong, from what I can remember.” I smiled. 

“Dance with me!” He yelled into my ear. 

“No.”

He placed his hand just a centimeter about my ass. “Sit with me then.”

Before I could say no, there I sat. For an awkward moment, we silently head-bobbed to the classical masterpiece called These Hoes Ain’t Loyal.

I broke the silence, finally feeling the sudden liquid courage the girls and I had pre-gamed earlier. “You know, I could’ve been good to you!”

“I know that. I’m sorry... But I’m not sorry we’re not together. You’re a great girl but...”

“-Oh, I’m a great girl. Thank you. Thank you for enlightening me on my greatness. You know what’s great? My freshly squatted ass. What else is great? My skin cleared up. What else is great? I lost ten pounds. And this dress...” I stood and did a full 360. “I mean I look like fuckin J Lo back when she was blowing the Wayans Brothers on In Living Color.”

I paused only to chug the rest of my vodka cranberry. 

“Rebekah-” I put my index finger over his lips to stop his sentence as I finished my cocktail and set it on the table.

“I use the fucking stair stepper now, bro.” I said, exasperated. “The fucking stair stepper.” 

I used the same finger to push him in the chest three times, with three different statements:

One push: “Fuck you for making me feel inadequate.”

Second push: “Fuck you for letting me care about you the way I did.”

And finally, third push: “And a big FUCK YOU for fucking me like you did and then never even giving a shit. Go back to your new girl who looks just like me.”

He turned around to walk away, and I puffed up my chest like I somehow just saved Gotham in a tight black suit and a raspy voice.  Then, I noticed him walk back to me, with just one stinging sentence I can’t seem to forget:

“You know what, Rebekah? You’re crazy. You’re fucking crazy. And THAT’S why we’re not together, and THAT’s why you’re always going to be alone.” 

And there I stood. 

******************************************************************************

“Ma’am, Uber won’t allow me to tell you what my penis size is.” the Uber driver groaned. 

“I’m not being sexist.” I hiccuped. “I mean, my boob size is like... A full C I think. Your turn. I won’t tell.” 

He took a turn into the neighborhood of our destination. 

“Oh look at that,” Marco said. “We’re here.”

“Oh Marco, parting is such sweet sorrow.” 

“Thank you for not vomiting in my vehicle.” Marc said, dryly. 

I ignored his remark and looked out the driver’s side window at the house I once used to find sanctuary all those years ago. 

“You know, Marco... I’m about to make some pretty reckless decisions. I think, as a good friend, you should try to stop me” I hiccuped. “Or something.” 

“You’re right-” Marco moved to his glove box. “Here’s a bottle of water. Should help with the hangover. Now get the fuck out of my car.” 

“So aggressive,” I stumbled out, grabbing my purse. I slammed his door as he drove away. “I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS MARCO!” I yelled. 

I stood on the sidewalk and took the cold night air in. I wondered where everyone in the world was New Years Night. Did they kiss the one they loved? Did they kiss a stranger? 

I gazed at the house, and couldn’t believe where I stood. One foot in front of the other, and there I was at the door step. 

I banged on the door harder than any single mom from the early 90s would bang John Stamos. 

It took a couple minutes, but the door finally opened. 

“Who the fuck are you?” the deeply olive-skinned, curly-haired woman said in the doorway, rubbing her eyes. 

“Wait... Who the fuck are YOU?!” I drunkenly challenged. 

“Babe. Who is it?” Parker fully pushed the door open and his eyes widened. “Bekah?” 

There was a brief moment of silence... Until I threw up in the bushes next to the front stoop.

“Oh my God.” The woman said, disappearing back into the house.

Parker held my hair, in only his boxers, standing on his front porch. 

“You are fucking crazy.”

I couldn’t help but hear him smile. 

*************************************************************************

Sorry it’s been awhile. I’m back now. 

Snapchat: ohrebekah

Twitter: Madd_Thinker

Instagram: Rebekah_remarkable. 

Remember everything I post is fictional. 

[timetowxste]

I miss my fucking brother.

So my brother passed away in April and i can't stop replaying everything in my head. I try to do a million things in a day to help keep me busy so i don't have to think about it. And when i don't think about it, i'm almost ok... but when i have nothing left to do, i'm almost always crying. I lost a huge part of me. A huge part of my life. Growing up, it was always just us two against the world. Having that brother and sister bond, the arguing, the laughing, the playing pretend, the always having each other's backs thing, everything is just gone. Whenever we'd get in trouble, we'd always have each other. We've been through so much, from our alcoholic parents running away from us, the cops coming to get us and us having to go stay places... Our little hole we dug in our front yard, always playing cars outside.. or jumping off the shack and propane tank onto the trampoline. secretly playing Mario on our old school tv with the blanket over us almost like a little gaming fort, and getting into trouble when we'd laugh because we were suppose to be sleeping.. all the birthdays, christmas', and just every day... my whole life. you were my whole life. i just wanna say sorry for leaving you for 4 years when i lived with my grandma and when you moved away. Im sorry i didn't come with you. I cry so much thinking of what you told me. how you said you always cried whenever i'd leave when i'd go visit.. how you and i missed out on so much memories together those years we spent apart... how i could have done fun things with you during that time and instead you stayed in your room for those years and rarely went out, and when you did, you'd go see your friend. i'm thankful you had a friend there. and i'm so thankful you moved in with me when i got a place here. I'm so thankful we made a few new memories here. I'm so sorry for getting upset with you, from time to time, i feel like i was such a bad sister. It's so hard for me to show people how i truly feel and that's one big fucked up thing about me. i'm sorry i didn't show you how i felt about you every day. You were a great brother and i appreciate all of the laughs we shared. all of the pranks and even just bugging you and stealing your food. Little things like that i'll always cherish... i'll always remember the way my stomach felt as i was walking in that hospital. i wanted to throw up. i was so anxious and saddened knowing you were hurt that bad. no one would ever think by just falling down stairs, it would be that bad. that's why when i found out that morning, i just said "fuckin darren... he'll be ok" and just went back to bed. i should have just rushed over there and maybe you'd see me as you freaked out in ilex when they rushed you there. mom told me you tried to pull out your tubes and you were talking nonsense and the only thing that she understood was "oh my gosh" i always try to put myself in your shoes and imagine the kind of headache you were feeling as your brain was swelling up... then they sedated you and you never woke up after that. who knew all of this would happen just by falling down stairs? Swollen brain.. blood inside the brain in multiple places... then you developed pneumonia and they had to try warm you up and cool you down, a part of me is thinking that's how you got pneumonia in the first place.. they should've just left your body to be in room temperature.. idk but i'm not a doctor so.. yeah.. then after pneumonia, your kidneys and every other organ started failing and they couldn't even fix them because it was putting too much stress on your heart and if they were to try fix one thing, then your heart would stop... UGH!! Mom told me you opened your eyes in the hospital. and the doctors tried to speak to you but you closed your eyes again. I wish they stayed open. i'll never forget that doctor coming in the room and saying there's nothing more they could do and we just had to watch you go. i hope you felt me as i held onto you. i hope you heard me as i whispered in your ear that you'll be okay, as every machine in that room shut down and your heart stopped beating. i know i'll never forget it. i'll never forget actually feeling your heart stop as i put my hand over your chest. i'll never forget the screams i made and how i couldn't even breathe for a second. and in that second, i wished with all my might that i could go with you.. but i know mom needed me so i couldn't. I can't even imagine how mom feels every day. losing her baby boy... i can't even imagine losing my girl because it pains me. mom is so strong still going through each day knowing you're gone, she's still working and everything... but me, it's really fucking hard on me. i can't even think of my future or anything because i'm too depressed. it's almost as if i can't live without you. but i know i have to. for my sammy, i have to live. i have to be a good parent and be there for my girl. i know you'd want me to. and i know you're probably here with me as i type all of this. even just knowing that, it's not the same, it's never gonna be the same. i wish you'd just come home... i always look at the door whenever id hear someone walk up my steps and for a second i'd picture you walking through the door coming home to eat your chips i bought you. i told you to take those chips to brayden's house but you said you'd eat them when you come back.. and you never came back. 😢 as angry and hurt as i am, i still forgave your friend. he pushed you down those stairs, and i know mom will never forgive him for that. but i do. maybe deep down, i don't want to because a part of me is saying how he took my brother away... but i know it's not healthy for me to be so unforgiving.. i'm trying my best to stay strong. some days it just gets to me and i have to go in your room and cry... i know without my sam, idk what id do. i probably would have taken a gun and shot myself. and that's the truth. children are saviours. my sam helps me every day and i know you must think of her and come visit her all the time. of course you would, you loved her so much. this whole post is all over the place but that's my mind for ya! i don't even care about the grammar and all that because well, who would care? especially when they're writing something as emotional as this. i just miss my brother. so fucking much. with every inch of my being i will always fucking miss and love you, Darren.