#i kinda lost momentum in the middle of writing this and i swore i wouldnt force myself to write anymore lol

[wavesmp3]

fake title suggestion: "i liked you better when you were dead"

It was a hot day. The sun was warm. The kind of warm where it feels like a warning. You tell me to watch out. I tell you i liked you better when you were dead.

You weren’t actually. Dead, i mean. But i thought you were. Thought i lost you in one of the storms, and that i’d never find you again. For a while i didn’t want to believe it myself. For a while i stayed in that city (something we swore to never do after the riot). For a while i searched every empty room and every crack in every wall for you. I couldn’t even sleep.

I searched for ten days. On the eleventh day, i buried your dad’s watch. And on the twelfth day, i woke up at 10. 

For a while i did it alone. The traveling. The surviving. The getting up in the morning. The putting one foot in front of the other. The resisting the urge to walk right into a storm and join you in some far away dimension where everything is good and no one has ever for a second been able to fathom what it was like to feel sad. For a while i lived. Mainly because i knew a while wouldn’t be that much longer now. 

But then in an ice storm, i saw you again. We both froze. From cold. From shock. From something terrifying in between. I was still frozen when you hugged me. Almost knocking me off my feet. 

I thought you were dead, i say.

No, you say, i’ve been looking.