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#i know guys I'm such a genius
aura-can-draw · 1 year
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clearly he dosent own an air fryer
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Eddie's porn stash is a pretty conventional one. An 'if you've seen one stash you've seen them all' type. It basically only consists of skin mags, some of them kinky but most of them vanilla. Normal stuff.
The oddest thing in it is a two-year-old calendar. You know those sexy firefighter calendars? Usually a charity thing? A hit with the housewife crowd? Yeah. Except this calendar decided to branch out and include a bunch of sexy men from a bunch of sexy professions.
So, in this thing, joining the sexy firefighter is a sexy doctor, a sexy construction worker, a sexy police officer (whose month Eddie tore out and burned because fuck cops but don't ever fuck cops), a sexy librarian, and so on. They're all really good-looking, but none of them hold a candle to the paramedic.
It's weird. Paramedics aren't normally part of the traditionally sexy professions. It's messy and sometimes tragic, but lacks the high-paying glamour that doctors and nurses enjoy. Eddie's had his fair share of fantasies, and none of them involved fucking a paramedic.
Until two years ago.
The guy in the calendar simply is that hot.
There's not even anything risqué about his picture. None of the pictures go beyond "this dude is chiseled and shirtless", because veering even slightly past the softest softcore territory would scare off the little housewives or something.
(Eddie is actually pretty fucking sure it'd increase the sales, but hey, what does he know.)
The point is, there's nothing that obscene about the pic. Just a guy kneeling in the back of an ambulance, first aid equipment scattered between his powerful thighs, shirt open to reveal his sculpted torso…
Dark hair spanning across his pecs, over his abs, vanishing down his tight tight tight pants. Hips canting upward, bringing attention to the size of his bulge beneath the zipper. Broad shoulders, ripped arms and large hands, veins protruding across the back. A pretty yet masculine face, with a strong jaw and a straight nose, full lips, a smattering of moles going down his biteable neck. Voluminous, golden brown hair swooped away from his twinkling eyes.
He's got this look in them, this slant to his mouth. Like he knows he's the hottest guy in the calendar.
The one month everyone will go crazy for.
Eddie has become intimately familiar with that look. No joke, in two years it's made him crack his marbles more than anyone else has done in his quarter-century lifetime. When all else fails, November-paramedic has his back. It's basically his longest relationship to date, which sounds a lot sadder out loud (and it sounded fucking sad inside his head, too).
You might wonder why any of that is relevant now, as he sits on the curb outside of The Behemoth with blood trickling from his temple, his band giving their statements to one cop while another hauls away the snarling douchebag that clipped him. How does it play a part in this god-awful night out, you ask?
Well.
"Sir?"
Eddie startles, too caught up in the thudding inside his head, made worse by the buzzing crowd, to notice the man approaching him. He looks up, his gaze gliding past uniformed legs, muscular forearms, a curved neck and honeyed eyes appraising Eddie, and oh.
Oh God.
Eddie's breath sticks in his chest and his tongue becomes a cognate to sandpaper, because it's the paramedic.
It's the paramedic. From the calendar.
He's hallucinating. He has to be. He collapsed on the sidewalk, and now he's having one last weird sex dream before his brain finishes seeping out and he fucking dies.
November-paramedic crouches in front of him. Eddie continues to gape like he's getting ready to catch the peanuts no one is tossing at him.
"My name is Steve. I'm with the ambulance," November-paramedic says. "What's your name?"
Eddie makes a noise incomprehensible to most Earth cultures before his brain registers the meaning of the question and stutters out the answer.
"I- Uh- E-Eddie. It's, it's Eddie."
November-paramedic – Steve – smiles kindly. Heat prickles across Eddie's cheeks and neck. It's not the same as the cocky, sexy smile he's got in the calendar, but still. He's smiling. At Eddie!
"Hi, Eddie." He nods toward Eddie's temple. "That's an impressive cut you got there. May I take a look at it?"
"Yeah? Yeah. Um, g-go ahead."
As Steve sets down his bag and rummages through it, Eddie scours his face to confirm that it really is the guy from the calendar. To his chagrin, it is. There's no mistaking it. Those eyes, like liquid gold. That jawline, a weapon in its own right. Those moles, applied so skillfully it must've been by an artist's hand. That hair, coming straight out of a commercial for luxury shampoo. It's lying flatter than in the calendar, either lacking product or having sweated it out, but it's still glorious.
Steve, having finished washing his hands, tugs on a pair of disposable gloves. The plastic snaps against his wrist, sending a shiver through Eddie. It centers between his legs. Shit, if he pops a boner now…
"I'm going to ask you some questions, okay?" Steve says while pressing a square piece of gauze against the cut. "Do you know what day it is?"
"Eh, Thursday?"
"Do you know where you are?"
"The Behemoth."
Steve nods and, with a lopsided smile, asks, "And are you a patron or did you and your head injury just wander onto the scene?"
Eddie laughs. Loud, merry, and verging on too long. It wasn't even that funny. Steve seems pleased his joke was a success, though. Unless his smile is the uncomfortable kind that one wears when faced with the unhinged. Eddie isn't sure how much blood he's lost.
"No, I, like, my band…" he says, stammering like talking isn't what he does best. Jesus Christ, it's just a hot guy! Eddie has made a fool of himself in front of those plenty of times – no need to get flustered about it. He clears his throat. "We had a gig and, after, at the bar, some guys got into a fight. Got ugly, so we tried to leave, but… alas!" He makes a dramatic sweep of his arm, nearly clocking Steve. Steve expertly ducks away without lessening the pressure on the wound. Eddie soldiers on, not daring to pause lest he lose his steam. Hopefully his burning face is enough of an apology. "Fucker wasn't even aiming for me. He missed his intended target and struck me instead."
"Right. Did you lose consciousness after he hit you?"
"Nope."
"Good. Did you drink tonight?"
"Half a beer, at most."
"Do-"
"Eddie!"
Gareth's nasally voice cuts off Steve's question. The next second, he's materialized beside them with a slightly alarmed expression. "Dude, are you…!"
He trails off, eyes growing into dinner plates. There isn't that much blood, is there?
Steve looks Gareth up and down, a crease between his brows. "Is this your friend?"
"My drummer. Gareth."
Eddie half-expects Steve to demand Gareth leaves so he can do his job in peace, but nope. That kind, calm smile is back. He even gives him one of those little upward-nods 'cool guys' like to do.
"What's up, Gareth? I'm Steve; I'm with the ambulance. Just making sure Eddie won't keel over later tonight."
"Uh huh…" Gareth kneels opposite Steve. He's smiling too, but his is shit eating. Eddie frowns in confusion, because what does Gareth have to be happy about? He was freaking out right after Eddie got hit, but now he's staring at Steve like-
Oh.
He's staring at Steve.
No. Noooooooooo! Oh shit! Oh fuck! Oh why, why has he kept his porn stash in a drawer without a lock all these years?! He can't recollect the reason Gareth opened that particular drawer on that particular day – all Eddie remembers is how Gareth, Jeff, and Marv snickered when he explained the inclusion of the calendar.
That was it, though. They moved on. Sure, there has been the occasional roasting after the fact, but it's not like he hasn't also mocked them for their weird shit. But that's not the point. The point is that Gareth is staring at Steve like he recognizes him.
Gareth's attention flicks toward Eddie. Eddie shakes his head as subtly yet pleadingly as he can. Gareth's grin gobbles down another turd. Eddie makes a valiant effort to explode Gareth's eyeballs with his mind.
"Say…" Gareth turns to Steve. "Have we met?"
"I don't think so. Eddie, do you have a headache?"
"Yeah, man," Eddie says, voice trembling. "Hurts like hell."
"I could've sworn I've seen your face before," Gareth says. "Like, I'm 100% sure."
"Are you dizzy or nauseous?" Steve asks, ignoring Gareth.
"Um, a little dizzy but no nausea?"
"Hmm, okay. Blurred vision or uneven numbness?"
"No."
Steve nods, glancing at his watch. Then, to Eddie’s dismay, he looks at Gareth. "I've never been to this bar before."
"Nono, not here. Somewhere else…"
Steve's lips purse and his brows knit into the most adorable thinking-face Eddie has ever seen. His heart skips a beat, then skips two more as Steve's free hand gently cups Eddie's cheek. The skin catches fire where Steve's gloved fingertips touch it.
"Let me have a look at your pupils…" Steve says, guiding Eddie's face and, holy shit, leaning in close for a better look.
Eddie gulps, half his blood rushing up and the other half down; he squeezes his legs together to prevent the little guy from saying 'hello' to everyone present. His eyes rove over Steve's face. His lips are chapped and the skin on his nose is dry. The nose itself is somewhat crooked. Did he get into a fight between the calendar photoshoot and now, or did they make the nose straighter for the photo? Why would anyone think it necessary to edit a face like this one? Even with its imperfections mere inches away, it's still the handsomest Eddie has seen.
Steve hums. It's a perfectly preserved vinyl. It's a metal festival. It's Eddie's new favorite song.
"Same size but pretty dilated… Keep your eyes open, please." He shines a tiny flashlight into Eddie's eyes before nodding, satisfied. "All right, looks good."
He leans back out of Eddie's space, returning Eddie's ability to breathe, and removes the gauze. His smile tells Eddie that the bleeding has stopped. As great as it is that he won't hemorrhage to death, it also means their encounter is approaching its end.
"You might've seen me at the university campus?" Steve says, fiddling with some plasters; it takes Eddie's horny brain five full seconds to deduce he's talking to Gareth again.
"No-" Gareth freezes, mouth hanging open. His smugness has evaporated. "Actually, I might have? You're a student?"
Steve chuckles as he patches the last of Eddie's cut. "No, but my friends are. None of them own a car, so I end up driving them everywhere. Right, Eddie, I think you're good to recover at home. Unless you feel like you should head to the hospital?"
Great question! Does he? On the one hand: riding in the ambulance with Steve, ensuring a few additional minutes of his lustrous eyes and smooth voice.
On the other hand: hospital bills.
"… no."
"Okay. Do you have anyone who can keep an eye on you?"
Eddie shakes his head. "I live alone."
"Then maybe Gareth could hang around for the next 48 hours?"
"Sure can," Gareth says without hesitating. Eddie's heart swells with affection for him, despite his (failed! Hah!) plot to mortify Eddie to death.
Steve is already packing his medical bag.
"I want you to rest and avoid stressful situations," he tells Eddie. "No alcohol, no recreational drugs, no driving, and no working until you feel completely recovered. You may take tylenol, but not aspirin or ibuprofen. And if your symptoms worsen or you develop new ones – seek medical attention. Got it?"
The last part is sterner, reminding Eddie of every male authority figure he's strived to disobey during his teenage years. He has no such desire this time.
"Got it."
Steve raises his eyebrows as if to say 'have you really?', and Eddie has to wonder if it's he who seems contrariant and/or stupid enough to ignore the medic or if this is something Steve does with every patient. If it's the former, he mustn't seem that contrariant, because Steve's features soften into trust. He stands, brushing dust off his knees.
"Great. You boys take care now. Have a nice night."
"Yeah, you too, man," Eddie calls after him weakly as he retreats to the blinking ambulance. "Thanks…"
He keeps his gaze on the broad expanse of Steve's back, soaking in the rippling of his muscles as he walks and, oh would you look at that, his ass is as nice as the rest of him. Eddie's been wondering for two years now…
"Dude!"
Eddie jerks toward Gareth. Did he say that out loud? Did he drool? Is his boner showing? But no, Gareth isn't disgusted or disturbed – he's excited.
Shit.
He'll never hear the end of this.
"Don't!" he hisses.
Gareth just laughs, eyes twinkling.
"That was-"
"Don't!"
"I can't believe it!"
"Gareth-"
"You are so red right now!"
"For Jesus fucking Christ's fucking sake-"
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Dedicated to @rougenancy for always listening to and encouraging my various thoughts, opinions, and ideas (they are constant).
Part 2
AO3
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kaiminluu · 7 months
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"when you slam the door i think you know, that you won't be away too long, you know that i'm not that strong"
hi @campbyler you destroyed me
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songsintheattic · 5 months
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findusinaweek · 2 months
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KLIMT'S THE KISS BUT IT'S Alexidas sketch no. 1
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zoroara · 3 months
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December Belphegor Redraw 22 of 31!  
Buon Compleanno Belphegor~ As for his birthday I absolutely needed to get one of him as a kid. I had ruminated about doing the panel just before this with him and Rasiel, but well. He would've been made I made him share~ Maybe next year Rasiel, maybe next year. Speaking of this though I find the portrayals of how this went down, in Varia arc Vs Future arc very interesting. Because they're incredibly different in how they're described, in Varia arc Rasiel's murder is described as something Bel did Haphazardly, done without organization likely very sudden stabbing Rasiel to death. But then future arc clarifies from the both of them, that this could have been seen to be leading up from a mile away, and only if their parents genuinely were so neglectful to not pay any mind to this, or in fact encouraged this, that this would have ended up happening. I just find it very interesting how different it is and with the addition of how easily Bel clarifies it, I wonder how it lead to the conclusion that it was haphazard at all, or if it was even as simple as stabbing Rasiel to 'death'. Because it seems like Bel likely just has his idealized version that keeps getting broken down the more he was forced or corrected, you must wonder JUST how much of this is a lie how much MORE of it is to his favour? In the presence of his brother he had to be honest that they had always fought, and while Rasiel makes them move on quickly from this, he does state that Bel is "only saying things that benefit him" and "That he better not forget the face that didn't lose to him" to which Bel has no rebuttal against. What likely happened with the additional knowledge that Rasiel then says that day he was essentially poisoned with medicine, that Bel seeing an opportunity to finally end Rasiel then stabbed him violently very simple to figure. But even still there was likely much more of a struggle than Bel probably wants to admit if it was not considered a flat out loss for Rasiel now that he was proven to be alive to the point Bel didn't bother arguing that point. Bel may have been wounded himself and in his haste to solve that, may have been the small opening of chance for Rasiel to survive that Byakuran needed to manipulate so that Rasiel could survive in the future timeline. (just don't fucking ask me how that works because I don't see how he could affect something so far back. Maybe Byakuran just fucking lied to Rasiel and used other powers as "proof" to convince Rasiel that his survival was actually his doing.)
The Image I redrew is under the cut, just to keep the post small.
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Not related to the whole murder(funny sentence I know), but it is said that Bel hides his eyes to prevent like a fucking political incident, but like. HE WAS WEARING HIS HAIR LIKE THIS SINCE BEFORE THIS I THINK PEOPLE WOULD ACTUALLY REALIZE MORE SINCE HE KEPT IT THAT WAY.
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jupitersflytrap · 3 months
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i just read the curious incident of the dog in the night-time and hopped on here to see what the general consensus was about it and oh dear i was not expecting to see so many people hating it
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buhdumbitch · 2 years
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the almost kiss scene not really being an almost kiss scene is actually a better choice cos did we really wanna see gina upset over elton and feeling like shit and then have rina participate in a proper almost kiss?? idk i think the way it was done is so much better given the context and circumstances at that time. that being said i still think we may get some form of kiss scene next ep. in the orange car after he drives her home, confesses and then someone kisses someone's cheek mayhaps?
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started watching oppenheimer
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crimson-roots · 1 year
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LEMME SEE THE WIP PLEAAAASE please
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OH GOD . listen i never made any promises this was going to be good. okay. the angst hasn't been written yet, so instead i present you with,, whatever this is <3
enjoy!
The man -- Grian, Tim thinks, though god knows why the poor soul's called that -- fidgets in his ill-fitting red sweater, fingers tangled in unravelling thread. Peers at the crowbar in his hand, perplexed.
Tim thinks that maybe he should be nervous; hell, the last time he'd pissed someone off, it had ended with the explosions, and horrible death, and everything. Still, he thinks, shifting in his stance, it's kind of par for the course, at this point.
(He thinks about the amount he's going to have to spend on therapy after this, mourning his poor credit card, then remembers that he does not, in fact, have his credit card on him. Probably because of the aforementioned 'horrible death and everything.') (Are you even allowed to get therapy when you're dead? Maybe heaven has therapy. Maybe it has some kayaks. Tim doesn't come to an answer.) 
(Grian doesn't look like much of a therapist, anyway.)
He opens his mouth to speak - something scathing and well-thought out, because he's cool and sexy and not losing his calm - when the guy beats him to it. His voice is, somehow, exactly what Tim had expected: "Woah. That's not in minecraft. ...is it?"
Tim blinks. Blinks a couple times, really, as if that'd make any more sense. It doesn't. "What," he says. He's trying for neutral, but honestly at this point he just sounds bewildered. "You've never seen a crowbar before?"
"Nope," Grian says, sounding awfully cheerful about it. (Really, Tim respects a guy who's never seen a crowbar before. He wishes he hadn't, but, y'know. Clowns, and death, and everything.)
(That being said, Tim pulls it off. At least he's got that going for him.)
"Huh." The silence stretches between them. "Weird."
"Weird," red-sweater hums, nodding in polite British agreement. "Learning a lot about Minecraft, actually. Did you know that in version Beta 1.2_01, you used to be able to milk squids?"
Tim has no idea what half of those words mean. He very much does not want to know about the other half. "I'm an alpha," he tells Grian. Grian nods sagely.
The silence stretches onward.
==
+@yellowsomethings, since the ask doesn't get tagged <3
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brionysea · 1 year
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wait holy shit does possessiongate mean finn wolfhard gets to act evil in season 5. is it gonna be like noah schnapp acting his ass off and stealing the show when will was possessed. i'm so down for this holy shit. the mike wheeler season. protagonist era coming full circle. external villainy that allows for internal exploration of the hidden character angst that we haven't been allowed to see before because the conflict hinges entirely on what's going on in his mind i'm SO down for this
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coquelicoq · 1 year
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oh no this reality dating show is really sweet actually. this was not supposed to happen. crap. crap. i didn't sign up for this!
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So hows it going 😀
TMAGP 7 is a WILD ride
#First we're already starting off with the end of tmagp 6 with Celia Ripley being the new hire#(And having the same voice actress as a extremely side tma character who started calling herself Celia post-change)#Then you get fucking hit with#“I mean it's an old system but it could have been worse. It's not like we're wrestling with tape recorders and manila folders.”#AND CELIA ASKING IF THERE'S A WAY TO SEARCH FOR SPECIFIC THINGS. LIKE BEING BURIED ALIVE OR MEAT.#I.E. THE BURIED AND THE FLESH#I'm much more inclined to believe that the Celia's memories are seeping into each other than bit characters full on universe hopping#(Oh yeah The Magnus Protocol is set in a world that's parallel to The Magnus Archives; not technically a direct sequel)#[But like they are chronologically. I think.]#Anyway CELIA KNOWS WHAT THE FUCK IS UP#And you'd think things might calm down with today's incident report; it's just Chester (“ai”/“automated voice” also voiced by Jonathan Sims#[who voices character Jonathan Sims. Creative genius we know.]#with another internet-based statement#(HE'S TRAPPED IN THE FUCKING WEB)#Except know it's about a charity shop ON HILLTOP ROAD#For context: EVERY ELDRITCH ENTITY AND THEIR MOTHER FUCK AROUND WITH HILLTOP ROAD#PRIMARILY THE AFOREMENTIONED WEB#WHICH HARBORED THE MESSIAH OF THE CULT OF THE LIGHTLESS FLAME#AND THE CHARITY SHOP *BURNED DOWN* BY THE END OF THE INCIDENT REPORT#We then cut to the other new hire Sam going to talk to Colin the IT guy#Colin's definitely going to be the first to die he's in DEEP in trying to understand the mess of of system that is the OIAR#And he's been adamant against Alice giving the computers any sense of a personality#And what does Sam go to ask Colin? WHO JON IS#BECUASE HE GOT A NONSENSICAL EMAIL FROM A RANDOM USER WHO CALLED HIMSELF JON BUT IT LOOKED LIKE IT WAS AN INTERNAL EMAIL#Obviously Colin's to steeped in paranoia to react well to anything; but what is he hung up on?#That Sam brought his phone into the IT room; and that “it” has probably recorded too much already *!!!!!!!*#Oh and also their boss was like contracted to kill a guy but she failed and Gwen is using a video of it to blackmail her#tmagp spoilers
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mars-ipan · 1 month
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assigning sims jobs when you based them off fictional characters who never get jobs is so stressful
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seishun-emergency · 1 year
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interesting to me how eichi is one of the people that created the legend of the five eccentrics in the first place, thus leading people to view them as inhuman geniuses and monsters, and yet he seems to be one of the people most aware of their humanity and the fact that they are still human
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where do I get a baby
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