#i know how absurd this sounds but unfortunately i am right

[likecastle]

Howards End is like if Carol Aird died suddenly and left Therese Belivet her house in the country, and then Therese went and married Harge.

[mo-ondrcps]

♖ ˗ˏˋ 𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐃𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐌𝐒 ´ˎ˗

❛ how fate cruelly plays with your hearts while a stranger desperately try to save you in each dream you had, over and over again.❜

: ̗̀➛ dragon! jiyan x town folk! reader warning(s): reader drowning twice, mentions of death (no major!). content: fem! reader, magical town vibes like magic humans and mythical creatures, jiyan dragon protective of you genre: au — magical town, fantasy, reincarnation, soulmates, romance, slight angst word count: 2.4K author's note: i love protective jiyan, makes anyone feel safe in his arms.

    Water surrounded you, making it impossible to breathe. You couldn't decipher whether you're dead or drowning in the ocean, though a bystander would think you're suffering from both because of your lack of struggle, slowly descending deeper. The light from the waters above your clouded vision continued to fade until a figure above dove in, swimming towards your direction. Unfortunately, his face was only just a silhouette, attempting to reach for your hand and resurface to save you. You wanted to move forward, take the stranger's hand in yours, but an unknown force within you had no strength to do so.

"(Y/n)...!"

    Your name, or what sounds like your name, came out in thick gurgles of water from the stranger. They still persisted in swimming with much of their might to save you. Who is this person? If they continued to sink in deeper with you, there would be no hope for either of you to live. How foolish. Your eyes slowly gave in to the darkness surrounding them before opening once more.

    Your eyes take in the surroundings of your room, all dimly lit by the moon that glanced from the open peak of your window curtains. Your head turned in search of your wall clock.

2:37 am.

    A sigh left your lips, burying yourself further into the warm blankets for comfort. It was the same dream that haunted you for years, the ocean and you sinking into your demised. However, the small moment didn't strike fear in you, at least you hoped not yet. You haven't visited the beach for over ten years now and you always found yourself sticking by the sand whenever your family asks you to come with them.

    You rise up from your spot on your bed, leaving to grab a glass of water before returning to your room. They were both calm, your water and the ocean from your dreams, moving on their own except for the other being more dangerous if you sink in too deep.

    But that man, who was he?

    You thought of leaving it aside, knowing your work starts early in the morning, taking a sip of your water before resting back on the comforts of your mattress.

────────⊹⊱✫⊰⊹────────

"But you never saw his face? That's a shame... You should've seen it if he was cute or not."

    Your eyes narrowed at your friend after telling them the entire story of your dreams again. They always knew what kind of stress you're dealing with, but never knew the answer to how to solve it. At first, they informed you to brush it off as a simple vision your mind had randomly come up with until it grew too frequent for them to ignore.

"You really had to focus on that detail?? I can't just fall for every random stranger in my dreams."

    A boisterous laugh came from the mouth of your friend before shaking their head at your deadpan expression.

"At least they treat us better than the men in this reality. Who knows? With how frequent you meet yours, he might actually appear right through that door!"

    Now a smile erupted your features before bursting into a laugh at how silly they were acting with you. Though absurd, you still appreciate their sense of optimism in your dream related problems. A small chime came from the door, signaling a customer walked into the shop. Your friend gave you a small nod, which you returned before watching them move to entertain them. You, on the other hand, busied yourself in writing a list of the potions you both need to make and what's available to write down and display on the racks.

"Excuse me?"

    A voice deep yet soothing to your ear came in front of you, making you look up to them.

"Hello, what can I get for you?"

    The man was dressed in simple black and midnight green robes embroidered by silk and gold accents, making him stand out only just a bit but not too much to get everyone's attention. It was clear he looked like a soldier or a protector of some kind because of the sword strapped around his waist.

    You thought you would have recognized him because of this small town, but then again, he might be a wandering traveler from afar so you can't assume too quickly.

"Do you have any good potions for healing? I seem to run out myself on the way here."

    The man replied with a slight scratch on his nape. You nod before smiling, taking out a regular sized bottle. It's mixture flowing through green and hues of blue gradient inside, shimmering in utter brilliance.

"That will be fifty gold for a healing potion."

    He reached out from his pocket, pulling a small pouch where he fumbled to grab the amount needed. The man set down sixty-five gold instead of fifty, leaving you surprised at the change. You took the extra, your hands moving to give it back.

"I can't accept this much."

"Please, this shop deserves much recognition for the work you and your companion put through for everyone who needs it. Keep my change."

    Before you could push more to give the extra back, the man bows slightly before leaving the shop. Your friend, who just came back, glanced at the man you just entertained before turning to you with a playful smile you knew you wouldn't enjoy.

"Who was that? He looks so good! I've never seen him before. Do you think he's-."

    Just when your friend was about to ask you for more information about the customer you entertained, you stopped her train of thoughts, speaking ahead of them before it goes in a direction you'll never get back from.

"And don't you think it's your turn to brew new potions to stock while I grab some herbs we need outside? The strength and healing potions won't produce themselves."

    Your friend groaned.

"Let me dream a little. My single life won't move by itself either!"

    Throwing your quill pen at them, you caused them to move aside but still took the blow from the quill thrown at them, laughing at your advancements before heading into the staff room to do their work while you prepared your journey in the forest for herbs. You pack containers, water, and a bit of snacks to aid your short travel. You bid goodbye to your friend, starting your walk into the forest.

    You had a list written by you with a few additions to your friend. You crouched down to pick up yellow and purple flowers, one that radiated like the sun and the other mirroring the deepest night sky of the auras. Since you were here, it shouldn't hurt to grab them for a potion of good sleep. Not that you never tried it before and have it mix with your cup of tea. Your friend suggested this once after experiencing four nights of the same dream in your sleep, but it never worked.

    You move to the next item on your list, which is dewberries, picking at least three before turning your head to the bushes rustling nearby. Your eyes scanned the area before resuming your work of collecting three more until a large hand grabs your mouth, pulling you back towards their body.

"Such luck of running into a lady."

    A skinny man walked into the scene, next to his companion, who took you by surprise. He spoke before smirking. The items from your bag scrambled down after being forcefully pulled away. The man who held you back took one of them, shaking the containers of herbs inside before turning his head back towards you.

"A smart one who can provide and heal too! How much do you think we can make out of her if we sold her to the palace?"

    The skinny man only laughed before ordering his companion.

"Stuff her in the bag. I know we'll make a fortune in that case."

    You struggle in the gruff man's hold who was opting to lift you up while his friend took the large sack they had slung behind his back. Your legs kicked and swung around, managing to injure the skinny man on the groin out of pure luck. But you knew you needed more than that.

"Feisty as well! You'll pay for all the damages you'll do to me and my companion. Now stay still or-."

    A powerful surge of wind ripped through the scene, causing all of you to shut your eyes while your captors try to stay in place on the grass below, gripping onto the strands before getting blown away a few steps.

"You!"

    The voice of a man came, commanding and stern, but there was no man. Only the figure of a large, bright green, slender dragon came in sight. He was exactly like what the stories you kept hearing as a child.

    The Midnight Dragon.

    Its nostrils flared in anger, watching the two men as if they were its prey. The men who held captive of you had their hands tremble beneath their fingertips, eyes staring wide at the force of nature they just angered without moving another muscle.

"Begone or I will banish you myself."

    The men cowered in fear, flinging your body to a shallow lake before leaving in a hurry into the direction of the city. The dragon quickly shifts into a human man, running to the lake before diving in to save you.

    Your arms flailed around to resurface from the water. You weren't sure if you should feel even more terrified now that reality is making you sink deep into the waters just like in your dreams. No, nightmares. If only you agreed with your friend to teach you a bit of swimming, but you were too stubborn, confident enough that drowning would never cross in a moment of your life.

    Right now, you were afraid.

    Maybe it was a warning that you stupidly ignored and now you've fallen deep to your demise. You allowed your eyes to shut, accepting the darkness with the faint figure of the man reaching for your hand.

────────⊹⊱✫⊰⊹────────

    Jiyan thought he could never save you, blaming himself for how slow he was in every haunting nightmare that plagued his thoughts. As if his previous life wasn't enough to make him feel guilty about how much pain you've pulled through and now in this timeline? How much more does he need to suffer?

    He swam deeper, faster, just to grab a hold of your hand before pulling you up with him to the surface. Jiyan carried your body to a nearby tree, setting you down next to it before leaning his head to your chest and mouth to check for your vitals. For the love of the gods, please don't let him see you dead again.

    Using the heel of heel of his dominant hand and the other hand resting on it above your breastbone, he began to push, watching a couple of water droplets leave your mouth. Jiyan counted quietly in inaudible whispers, begging for your revival until slowly a cough came from your lips, causing him to step away a bit to give you some space.

"(Y/n)?"

"W-who- I-."

    You shut your eyes, rubbing away the water residuals that dropped from your hair, regaining consciousness from the events prior.

"What... what did you just say?"

    Jiyan's eyes widen but you didn't catch his surprise, only a clear of his throat before carrying you in his arms again as if you were lightweight. A feather, if he might add, but he'll tease you later. He valued your safety the most, so he took you back home while you had a million questions running in your head, especially how he knew where you lived.

"Stalker much?"

    You uttered above a whisper, making Jiyan shake his head quickly before you act on him.

"I-... You wouldn't believe me if I told you this."

"I'm all ears... Midnight Dragon."

    You didn't know how else to call him besides what the stories and myths had told you. It made Jiyan's heart sink, trying to accept the fact that you will never remember him. Maybe in this life you wouldn't, but it didn't stop him from being your sole protector wherever you go. Why did it have to be him to be cursed to remember everything while you were reborn to forget?

    Jiyan was silent through the entire journey, slipping into the crack of your window with you in his arms, which you forgot to close before leaving. He set you down on the comforts of your mattress before finally answering.

"I've been protecting you endlessly in our previous life and now... Believe it or not."

    Jiyan confessed. It made you confused.

"Previous life? I never remembered anything or been aware of... living longer like you do."

    If it has been that way, maybe you should've had some majestic powers to make you live longer like him. Your thoughts only made Jiyan chuckle softly before ruffling your damp hair, mind racing at what you both could've possibly been, but you had no memory at all whatsoever.

"You may not remember anything about me. But I'll make sure you'll always feel safe and maybe... feel loved by me again in this timeline..."

    Jiyan took your hand, kissing your palm gently. It felt as if a gentle breeze flowed against your skin, gracing you with the dragon's passion and attention. Everything felt like a dream, to actually see the dragon in person who has concealed its identity until years later. Did it have anything to do with your existence? It made you wonder. Most especially with the mystery laced in his words about you and him.

"If heaven ever gives us the chance to meet again, I'll always keep loving you at that time and the next."

    His words held a promise that strangely made your heart accept him entirely. Jiyan smiled, rising from his feet, making you scramble from your seat on the bed.

"Wait."

    He paused, eyebrows raised in question.

"What's your name?"

"Jiyan."

    He blew a soft breeze in front of your face, effectively hitting your eyes before watching you fall back asleep on your bed. It made Jiyan smile, admiring how peaceful you look, waving his arm above your figure to use his own magic, drying your clothes to avoid you from waking up with a cold. He pulled the covers over your body, leaning down to press a kiss on your forehead before leaving the room. Jiyan shut the windows behind him, taking a mental note to remind you about it before disappearing into the night.

    For the first time in your life, you finally got over your nightmares of drowning. Your dreams only painted the image of green and blue hues of a dragon before shifting to the figure of Jiyan, planning on your next meeting with him again.

author's note: took a bit of inspiration from the potions event of genshin. i was trying to find a good occupation for reader in a magical town and thought of that!

© MOONDRCPS. avoid stealing or translating my work to other sites. likes and reblogs on my works are appreciated ᵔᴗᵔ

[k-s-morgan]

Heyy! I am such a fan of your work in the Tomarry fandom, and I don’t want to sound intrusive, but I’m just wondering if you ever shared your history with the ship. You said before that you were a huge Snarry fan, so how did you transition from that to this? (Hehe, maybe I’m getting it wrong like you were always a fan of both since then, my apologies if ever. I don’t know if I’m assuming you’re no longer a Snarry fan.) And what made you write fanfic of them? How did you come up with such unique and great storylines? I wonder if you got inspired from someone or something because damn, the way you tell your stories is just my perfect cup of tea. And I can see you enjoy it! Really great.

Hi! Thank you so much for your sweet words <3 You are absolutely right, I used to be a Snarry shipper. I can't say I'm indifferent to this ship now, but the years where I gulped down all kinds of fics featuring them have passed. The passion isn't there any longer.

How I stumbled upon Tomarry: some months before publishing the first chapter of WHGTB, I was re-reading a Snarry fic called The Marriage Stone. Snape is not nearly the bastard I prefer him to be there, but I liked the world-building a lot, so I enjoyed reading it. There is a small arc there where Lucius Malfoy is attracted to Harry, and I found myself fascinated by it. It occured to me that it might be interesting to try the fics centered on Harry and Lucius - I was never a fan of the latter, he's overly pompous and a coward, but I wanted to find something where Lucius would be dark, regal, and a force to be reckoned with. Unfortunately, the fics I read didn't appeal to me, so I started wondering what other dark, regal character to pair Harry with. I was in the mood for something darker than I typically found in Snarry.

And that's how I thought of Tomarry. In retrospect, it's amazing that I hadn't found them sooner. I always liked the parallels between Harry, Tom, and Severus, and since I thought Harry and Snape might make a potentially great couple, I don't know why I never considered Tom and Harry in the same context until years into shipping Snarry.

I tried some Tomarry fics, and ohh, I fell head over heels. I could no longer go back to my other HP ships, it was like my most perfect drug.

I'm so flattered that you referred to my stories as unique because I actually really hesitated about publishing WHGTB. I knew I would write this story, but the fandom has so many Harry-raising-Tom fics that I thought people are already bored to death with it, so it'd be something I'd create just for myself. Needless to say, the response to it shocked me.

I consider WHGTB and ATLWETD very plain in terms of plot uniqueness - they are just my takes on 'Harry raises Tom' and 'Harry studied with Tom' tropes. To me, stories like Consuming Shadows and Train to Nowhere are unique, while I'm doing the maximum relationship, minimum plot thing. That's what I prefer as a writer, and I love it - knowing other people enjoy it just as much never fails to make me incredibly happy.

As for why I decided to write these fics at all - to be honest, I can never tell how these things work. For example, despite my intense love for Snarry and the years I spent dedicated to this ship, I never wanted to write about them. Same goes for my other fandoms. I can be absolutely insane about a ship, I can love the characters and the universe they come from to death, but the need and desire to write something can be lacking. With Tomarry, I wanted to write about them immediately.

I can't say I got inspired by anything except for a general Tomarry vibe. I think a couple of fics I read might have had an impact on me in terms of some ideas, especially Fate's Favorite since I read it an absurd amount of times, but there is nothing specific I would point out as my source of inspiration. Just a ship itself.

[steddiealltheway]

Steve comes back to his and Robin’s apartment to the smell of… burning hair? He only knows this from the time when Robin would straighten her hair on a daily basis trying to impress Nancy (and she did).

But she’s stopped ever since they started dating (after Nancy said she liked her no matter what state her hair was in). So as Steve rounds the corner to the bathroom, he isn’t sure what he’s expecting, but it certainly isn’t long, black hair straightened immaculately.

Steve’s heart thuds a bit at the stranger in his home clad in a tight black dress facing away from him, but then Robin’s head peaks around the person and calls out, “Hey, Steve. Didn’t realize you’d be home so early.” She waves at him with what looks to be eyeliner in her hand. The stranger noticeably tenses up.

Steve swallows heavily, gaze desperately trying not to fall down to check out the girl’s ass while Robin is looking. “Dustin wanted some alone time with Susie so…” he trails off.

“Quit flinching,” Robin says to the woman, and really who is she?

“So, Robin,” Steve says awkwardly, “Who’s this?”

Robin peaks around the tall girl - and really she’s very tall, probably Steve’s height - with her eyebrows furrowed and nose scrunched up as if Steve is being an idiot. Steve shoots her a look of how am I supposed to know? And Robin has the nerve to roll her eyes.

“Turn around,” Robin says to the girl as if that will explain things.

She hesitates and slowly rotates around.

Steve’s jaw drops - he can’t help it. She’s absolutely gorgeous with dark brown eyes, long lashes, pale skin, and full lips. Robin did such a wonderful job accentuating her features with the heavy makeup she’s applied.

Steve has the nagging thought that she looks so… familiar.

There’s a rustling noise that Steve assumes is Robin digging through her makeup bag, but he’s too busy eyeing this girl up. “Shit, I forgot my blush. I’ll be right back.” Robin shoots past them.

Steve can’t help but send all his gratitude to Robin for leaving him alone with one of her girl friends for once. Time to lay on the Harrington charm.

“I must say, I’m not sure why she’s grabbing blush when you already have such lovely red cheeks,” Steve flirts. Not his best line, but it has the effect of deepening the flush.

The girl opens and closes her mouth a few times, seemingly speechless. Steve take a bold step forward, cornering the stranger against the bathroom sink. “Now, how come I’ve never seen you around here before? I’d certainly recognize such a beautiful face.”

For some reason, this has the girl giving him the most absurd look, similar to Robin’s as if he’s an idiot missing something obvious. Steve’s eyes flicker down to her red lips. “How mad would Robin be if I messed up your lipstick?” Steve questions. He knows it’s super forward, but he just feels such a strong pull to this stranger.

He continues flicking his eyes between her lips and eyes, experiencing an almost strange sense of deja vu. “Steve…” she says in a deep voice that sounds strangely like Eddie’s.

Eddie.

Steve’s eyes widen while flickering all over her his features. He takes in the Adam’s apple for the first time as Eddie swallows deeply. And holy shit. Oh no.

“Hey, Eddie, I found my blush! It was…” Robin trails off looking between the two. “What the hell happened here?”

Steve and Eddie make eye contact and Eddie beats him to a response. “Dear Steve was just fixing my lipstick. Isn’t that right?”

Steve huffs and nods his head maybe a little too intensely.

Robin eyes them suspiciously before saying, “I doubt unsymmetrical lipstick will mess up my art project too badly, but I appreciate it.”

Oh. The art project Robin has been talking about for weeks exploring the masculine and feminine sides of different people. And boy, Steve sure did try to explore Eddie’s feminine side.

He leaves the pair alone, trying not to have a full on crisis about Eddie being a hot girl.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Unfortunately, those thoughts about Eddie don’t stop. Once Eddie had removed the makeup, Steve tried to rationalize that with his hair straight Eddie still looked… girly.

But then Eddie’s over the next day and Steve cannot stop staring at his lips… and his ass, which had looked so great in a dress - and even currently in jeans.

The day after that, Steve can barely form a coherent sentence when speaking to Eddie because he’s getting so lost in his eyes. Apparently they’re just as beautiful without the mascara and eyeliner.

Robin finally notices something is up when Steve dumbly reaches out and tugs at one of Eddie’s curls and states, “I liked the straight hair, but I think you look even better with the curls.”

When Eddie flushes and races to the bathroom, Robin asks, “What the hell was that?”

“What was what?”

Robin narrows her eyes at Steve. “That was a classic Harrington line. I didn’t suffer through your scoops ahoy failures and pick up nothing.”

Steve shrugs and glances down the hall where the bathroom is. As the toilet flushes Steve whispers, “Eddie was just really beautiful in drag, you know?”

Robin gapes at him and asks, “How so?”

Steve elaborates, “I mean. He has the prettiest doe eyes. And his lips are just pretty. Plus, I thought it was really cool how he was the same height as me so it was easy to maintain eye contact and probably kiss him. And he just… has such a wonderful smile and laugh. With the cutest sense of humor. Just overall, really a beautiful girl.”

Robin stares at him for a few moments. “Steve. Those are literally all his qualities outside of drag.”

Eddie chooses this moment to leave the bathroom and make his way down the hall in the middle of Steve’s crisis. He looks between the two and asks, “What did I miss?”

“Congratulations, Eddie. I think you sent Steve into a sexuality crisis,” Robin announces and her eyes immediately widen. “That’s a joke,” she clarifies but not convincingly enough for even a child to believe.

Steve groans and puts his head in his hands. This cannot be happening. He hears some type of hushed conversation occur between Robin and Eddie and then light footsteps down the hall. Steve looks up to find only Eddie in the room.

“Eddie…” Steve starts to say unsure of what he really wants to say.

“What if….” Eddie stop abruptly, “No, it’s stupid.”

“Tell me.”

Eddie looks at Steve and makes his way over to sit directly next to him on the couch. “I know you wanted to ‘mess up my lipstick’ when you assumed I was a girl-”

“Oh god. Please don’t remind me.”

“But,” Eddie continues, “Do you want to still mess up my theoretical lipstick right now when I don’t look like a girl?”

Steve stares at Eddie, noticing how close he is to him. His eyes flicker down to his lips and back to his eyes. “Yes,” Steve discovers.

Eddie nods and continues nodding, seemingly unsure what else to do.

Steve shakes his head. “But that doesn’t make sense because I still like girls. At least, I think I do. I mean, that’s why I liked you. Or, I think it is?”

Eddie stares at him for a moment, searching his face as if the answers are right there in front of him. “Steve, you know you can like both, right?”

Steve stares at Eddie because no he didn’t not know that. And oh shit. That makes so much damn sense.

His mind flashes back to all the times he had looked at other boys and found them attractive, rationalizing that their full lips and pretty smiles just reminded him of the girls he also liked. And the way they laughed at his jokes gave him butterflies because he thought he would be able to make a girl laugh like that…

Steve has got to work on his reasoning skills.

“If you don’t know, you could always…” Eddie trails off as Steve is snapped back into the moment.

“Mess up your theoretical lipstick?” Steve supplies.

Eddie nods.

“What if I just want to kiss you? No lipstick involved?” Steve asks and watches that beautiful flush spread over Eddie’s cheeks, making his heart flutter in his chest.

“I would ask what’s holding you back.”

Steve smiles and kisses Eddie. And yeah. He definitely likes boys, particularly Eddie Munson, even when he isn’t in drag.

[anzynai]

Oh my gosh im so excited to see a twst writer in the community!! Can u please share some heartslabyul headcanons (no pressure if u dont want to) i just love them so much thank you!

Heartslabyul Hcs

HELLOOO this has been sitting in my ask box for ages and i am so sorry for dying and not posting for a whole month.. erm. anyway, headcanons. unfortunately no new fic im sorry but uh soon!!! its heartslabyul tho soo enjoy!!

——

since riddle was never exposed to tickling when he was a child, he was always curious about what it felt like. like, he’s read about it, heard about it, etc, but just couldn’t imagine HOW it could make someone laugh. afterall, it sounds so absurd. which makes total sense.

it wasn’t until he started hanging out with chenya and trey that he finally learned what it was like. chenya had been the one to poke him in the side first. riddle had jumped, sputtered, giggled, and jsut reaxted like how any ticklish person would and riddle was like,, what was that?? chenya had simply told him he was curious and trey was like “oh, youre ticklish, huh?” and suddenly it made SO MUCH sense. THATS what tickling was like, and now that he had a taste of it, he was curious about more. being actually tickled and tickling someone. thankfully, being friends witb the two, he did in fact experience those

when he arrived at nrc, it didnt happen as much but trey seemed to notice that riddle didnt exactly hate tickling. as he got older he tried to hide it, but he didnt hate iy. maybe wasnt as interested as when he was younger, but it was more neutral. trey would like to poke him to get his attention and such.

trey is ticklish but maybe would prefer to be tbe ler, or at least let it be equal. he’s like, teh nonchalant tickler HELPP so like, usually won’t go very far, not more than a poke to tbe side or something small like that, but well, he still does it to like most of heartslabyul and his friends outside of heartslabyul, but is like totally casual abt it so sometimes ppl wonder if they should even bring it up

when they do, “i only wanted to get your attention.” hey trey! calling their name works just as well btw!! no but sometimes he does it just because he feels like it. always the same excuse too😭

cater is pretty ticklish. he has a love-hate relationship of it. i thjnk he enjoys tickling people, but doesnt do it much because HE doesnt particularly ENJOY getting tickled and he doesnt want them to like, retaliate. he doesnt hate it but his sisters loved tickling hjm when he was younger so it kinda left a bad taste in his mouth. basically, he usually will only have a good time if its someone he knows well and is comfortable with and he knows theh wont push him to the brink. he doesnt like to laugh uncontrollably i feel like. eitherway, he def tickles others the same exact way bc he doesnt want them to feel the same way he does about it.

he doesnt mind gentle tickles at all, but again, ws long as he’s with the right people. i feel like with a partner, he would actyally really love tickles while they r cuddling. super cute, yes.

deuce didnt get tickled a lot, at least not until he entered nrc. never really had any feelinfs towards it. he hated it when he was younger, became more neutral about it when he grew up. he would definitely defend someone if they thought it was embarrassing. “everyones ticklish! nothing to be ashamed of!”

this actually leads to him getting tickled about half the time😭😭 because everyone loves to tickle the first year students (i would too). super embarrassed? yes. super awkward? yes. hates it? nope!! prob would be blushing and all but never have any complaints

ace, on tbe other hand, did get tickled a lot when he was younger and that did not change upon his arrival to nrc. i dont know how to describe it, he just radiates those vibes. also i frel like he was more of the “popular” guys in middle school (he peaked in middle school just kidding) but he was prob the one his frienfs liked to gang up on and tickle

doesnt PARTICULARLY seek out being tickled but will ALWAYS join in if one of his friends is being tickled in front of him with the most sadistic smile on his face. he js evil, do not let urself be tickled by him (or do maybe).

yk that guy who will convince others to tickle the super scary boss?? no?? well whatever, that’s cater. tell me he doesnt whisper to the freshman to tickle riddle… everyone knows its him too except riddle because, well, the freshman never get too far in their endeavors. afterall, leaders are to set an example!

trey knows ofc, but does he stop it? ofc not!! riddle needs a laugh time to time after all.

tickle fights. between all five of them. most r started by the chaotic duo (ace and deuce) or cater. and well, the winner is USUALLY cater or riddle, trey too. ace and deuce never win. plus, cater has his clones to back him up, but if riddle uses his spell, he’s the first one gone

trey just kinda lets it happen, until he doesnt. yea hes ticklish but rarely does he lose unless he lets it happen on purpose. (until u get his back, then he’s done for) riddle and cater know this pretty well, ace and deuce have yet to find out. whenever they come close, trey quickly turns the tables LOL

[modern-inheritance]

Can’t sleep. Body pain. So I thought I should share this with y’all.

There was an entire dialogue session I had in the car and while walking Lexi a few weeks ago where, true to most returns to higher population density areas, Arya comes down with a minor cold after returning to Ellesméra with Eragon and Co. and is slightly miserable because fucking shit colds suck and it’s a very different suffering than she’s used to.

Well, Glen sees an opportunity to help her relax and break down another wall and casually asks her if she wants the ‘stronger stuff’ after the first round of the elves version of distilled herbal remedy does little to alleviate symptoms. She says yes because well, feeling just a touch pathetic at that point.

Cue Eragon and Saphira coming by for the first time, waved around to the back area where Arya is standing and quickly turns her attention to Saphira while Eragon and Glen chat. And she keeps trying to stifle these little weird sounds before bursting into fits of giggles and stream of consciousness giggling about using Saphira instead of smoke grenades, that Eragon’s hair is mullet material and he’d look great with one, and oh man have any of them SEEN the color green before it would make fantastic camouflage and–

“*still giggling*Glen you absolutely RAT you gave me the pure stuff didn’t you I am going to put frogs in your bedsheets ohhhohoho maybe toads but why don’t the exist I swore I saw one before–”

Saphira spends probably an hour amusing her with smoke rings and asking her point blank questions while Glen keeps an eye on them and Eragon watches on dumbfounded. Glen eventually explains that the herbs used in the usual remedy are carefully prepared and distilled to remove the side effects they have, removing things like a compound similar to pentobarbital and others that can induce euphoria and trigger bouts of uncontrollable laughter. It’s like having full access to an ADHD bonanza of all the thought processes linking everything together and being forced in a way to recognize how absurd it is by laughing yourself silly.

Eragon: wait…so cold medicine for elves-

Glen: the original plant! And it won’t work on you.

Eragon: right. But the original plant turns elves into giggling, fast talking, truth serum’ed chatterboxes?

Glen: …I’m not telling you where it grows. But if you want to put it in the bluntest, most general sense, then yes. It does. She’s high right now, but she knows it. She’ll be fine. She’s rolling with it, she could fight it like she was earlier but I think she just wants her brain switched off for a bit.

Eragon: …won’t work on humans?

Glen: unfortunately, no.

Eragon: …damn. That looks really fun.

I can’t remember much but it was a fun idea if anything.

[natsspammityspamspamham]

Why You Should Watch Romantic Killer

This is the new anime series that premiered on Netflix a few days ago! Before you inevitably cancel your subscriptions, give this show a go! Trust me, it'll all be worth it! (I'm personally riding on my sibling's Netflix, so I got to watch it officially!)

Edit: I think it’s important to mention since it’s in the very nature of the show that nobody is actually forced to fall in love with Anzu or vice-versa. It’s all purely consensual in terms of that even though the wacky circumstances are not.

I even made gifs for this post just to convince you, reader of this post!

Story

A high schooler named Anzu Hoshino is living the life. She has games, chocolate, and a cat named Momohiki. One day, her life is turned upside down by the devil-- I mean wizard, Riri. Riri confiscates her three most prized possessions with the ultimate ultimatum: Fall in love or live life without your most cherished commodities. Living in this awful world, Anzu swears to not fall in love out of pure spite for this arrangement and for Riri, but unfortunately, Riri has plans in store that might make things harder than they seem. (source: me)

For such a nonsensical story, it fricking works. I like it. As someone who's aroace, I feel this. I really do. I don't object romance, but I sure am not looking for it, and I would be pissed and spiteful too if my belongings were taken.

Characters

Anzu is so much fun. She has got to be my favourite reverse harem protagonist of all time. Her reactions to everything are absolutely priceless, and I love how they incorporate random references. I never thought I'd see Kazuo Umezu face incorporated into a fricking romcom! Characters like her and Bakarina make the genre worth watching (even if Bakarina is too... baka at times). I want everyone to experience this anime without me giving too much away.

The side characters are good in their own right. Sure, Riri is annoying, but that's kind of the point. They canonically don't have a gender so the "they/them" pronouns were used in the subtitles I'm pretty sure. Tsukasa is pretty cold, and I felt indifferent about him until I found out his reasoning for being like that in the last few episodes, and let me just say, whatever you're expecting, it's probably not going to be that. I've never seen a show handle that type of situation for men quite like this RANDOM ROMCOM did. It puts its male characters into situations where they don't need to be strong, and they aren't criticized for it. That right there is positive masculinity. I like it. It diverts the idea of traditional macho masculinity, especially those of archetypes in dating sims. The characters and their dynamics actually seem pretty natural for such an unnatural situation and setting.

Music

Yooo, that soundtrack fricking fits. I like it. Sure, it doesn't stand out, but with the absurdity of this series, I'd be lying if I didn't laugh when a certain string track came on. I don't even think that was the point (I think it's supposed to be when the audience swoons).

That ending theme fricking slaps harder than it needs to. I watched the opening once. Look, that opening skip button is so tempting. I only watched the ending once, but it was the background music for the voice actor interviews, so I got to know it better.

Voice acting

YOOOO, THIS IS THE PART I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT. Sure, they hired your local "ikemen" to play the "ikemen" characters, but can we talk about Rieri for a second? She makes this show good. Her and Mikako Komatsu apparently auditioned in a pair, and you can see, hear, and feel that chemistry. It is absolutely fantastic. Not many anime have had me laughing out loud, but I kid you not, I laughed a few times watching this. And yes, Umehara and Gakuto did sound good. I will give them credit where it's due. They did fulfill the ikemen part really well. Almost too well.

Art

You know what? Even though the art was pretty mediocre, I'm going to give it a pass. It's hard to make a coloured manga. And it's hard to make an anime look good. Plus, they probably spent all of the budget on Anzu's face to the point where the guys look mediocre at best and can only be given "ikemen status" based on their voices alone.

Conclusion

I get why this anime might be a bit mixed in the aroace community, but I think we should enjoy media as it's handed to us. And what was handed to us is a genuinely good show that requires zero brain cells until the last half! Zero brain cells? That's me too!

Unlike most of the shows that I watch, I will rewatch this. Without a doubt. I'm rewatching it as we speak. Even for specific moments that made me laugh.

[tellevangeline]

(Photo of me and my husband by @mettieostrowski on insta)

Caroline Polachek as a Sociological Phenomena and why it’s Important to Gatekeep Twinks.

So there I was (picture unrelated) waiting for the train at 10:30 PM on a Sunday so I can go take some extra estradiol from a generous friend at a gay bar, full incognito, wearing a fucking hoodie, I’m so tired I spent all day working on the flier for my new absurdist drag bingo because I and everyone I know are walking parodies of bushwick transexuals.

Train is taking forever so I have some time to kill, and I decide (d? Should I care about continuity? I am not a writer, I’m an author.)

Anyway I decided to put the recent Caroline Polachek album on, which is big for me because I have been a bit of a Caroline Polachek denier. I listened to Chairlift very casually when I was a teenager but I was far from die hard and since then I’ve kind of just thought of her as an unfortunate but all too common case of a talented musician being so aggressively HAIM-Pilled that it’s practically deafening. I say this as a dyke with love for all dykes❤️

Also the “new queen of artpop” claims coming from the exact type of 5’8 naturally dirty blonde he/they’s I’ve made it my life goal to disagree with at all times are really not helping her case for me.

Because here’s my thing. I’m a Kate Bush ride or die, surprising I know. I have I’ve always been a coward tattooed below my collarbones like the only 1% I’ll ever be a part of is her Spotify listeners.

But here’s the tea, if you’re not ready and willing to hee haw like a fucking donkey on a song that’s probably about some form of domestic abuse you just aren’t the new queen of artpop. I do make the rules and to be honest the only people in pop music right now not named lady fucking gaga who has the panache, the gaul, the unwavering commitment to pull stunts and shenanigans on that level are Ethel Cain and Lingua Ignota, especially since FKA Twigs decided she wanted to live a happy and fulfilling life (and good for her, thank you for all the good times queen)

And Caroline is simply not there, she’s too squeaky clean and widely appealing to go to those absurd and ugly places that make a Bjork.

Now my personal cocomelon/surrogate father figure Anthony Fantano the Internet’s Busiest Music Nerd did love her album, and I usually agree with his takes (mbdtf is mid you just love it because it was baby’s first concept album and you have a deep yearning to return to a time in your life where you first realized music could be art) BUT WHILE I AGREE WITH MANY OF HIS TAKES (sorry) my one glaring exception is that he never takes how cunt something is into consideration while evaluating a piece of music, and by that I do mean that he said gaga peaked at fame monster and 212 is the only good azealia banks song. He doesn’t have the tools to engage with music in a fag like manor, so when we’re dealing with music for gays, I don’t trust him.

And then last night I saw a Drag Queen named The Illustrious Pearl perform welcome to my island as a showgirl vampire wearing rhinestoned knee pads and frankly if Caroline is good enough for her she’s certainly good enough for me.

And I’m gonna be really vulnerable here, I really enjoyed the album. Like, there’s about as much art in it’s pop as cranberry in a gay bar vodka cran but it’s damn good pop and the art adds a nice little aftertaste.

I believe is definetely my favorite, those Rhythm Nation/Mortal Kombat ass synth hits always make me convulse (America Has A Problem is my favorite track off Renaissance) (it took me a whole 2 minutes to spell renaissance right) but I also like welcome to my island a lot and I at least liked everything else except for Billions which sounds like a song that was rejected from The Sensual World because Kate would never release a song that non-violent.

But it was cute. I have a meeting with a literal church upstate that is trying to book me for their pride drag show tomorrow and one of them just texted me “Brainstorming with the Holy Spirit is so exciting and so fruitful ✝️💜✝️) and I believe those synth hits on I Believe will carry me through my challenges tomorrow. Love Down.

Xoxo

-Evangeline

[about-faces]

I honestly wouldn't bother watching gotham knights for any reason, i'm caught up but i'm also doing a watch party where we pirate it and we just make up jokes from it. tho you /have/ missed the show making harvey cuck lincoln march (...ok on the real never thought i'd type that out and now im laughing at the absurdity of it) and him going "actually yeah joe chill is right i think he's innocent" because for some??? reason??? joe chill never pulled the trigger and the gunshots came behind him????? to which harv deduces that sounds?? forensically correct??? also stephanie loves her dad???? and he's not abusive?????

this show is slowly melting my brain i swear to god. between 'joe chill is innocent', 'harvey does a cucking' and 'talon is stopped by mahogany doors' i honestly could make a game where i make things up from this show and STILL have all the answers actually be correct.

Normally I would heed this advice, but unfortunately, I am burdened by blorbo compulsions to seek out anything related to Harvey. If I couldn't avoid sitting through the Long Halloween movie, I'm not gonna be able to avoid this. As annoying as I find all the above you mention, I can deal with most it by skimming through the non-Harvey parts.

(That said, I don't know if I'll ever understand why Steph is such a beloved character, but even on principle, WTF? Making Arthur a good dad is so fundamentally against the core of her character. It's like how they made Jesse Custer's dad a religious asshole in the Preacher show, it's just such a wrong choice that completely breaks and betrays the fundamental spirit of the source material)

Also, I'll be honest, I hate the Court of Owls so much for several reasons, so I find the prospect of making them ridiculous to be VERY appealing. Seriously, mahogany is their weakness? That's objectively hilarious. I love that. It's one step closer to my ultimate wish to see the Court revealed to be a bunch of rich, stupid, loser weenies who have only gotten as far as they have on good PR.

But at the end of the day, I need to see it for Harvey. And based on the three episodes I've seen, this isn't even CLOSE to being the worst take on Harvey Dent I've encountered. There's enough here for me to chew on, even if/when it's bad. Like the cucking, sure, okay, we're doing that, okay.

(Note: based on the reactions in the GK tag, I had been misled to initially believe that Harvey fucked Lincoln March's MOM, not his wife. I am very, VERY disappointed that wasn't the case.)

On top of all this, the inclusion of Harvey's dad is too personally relevant to me to avoid. Removing (?) the alcoholism but keeping the mental illness and the fears of inheriting mental illness is a problematic choice, but it sounds potentially closer to what I've needed to see from Harvey's dad than most stories, which just have him as a physically abusive alcoholic. I've needed to write about Christopher Dent for ages, tying in my own personal experiences, and this (likely bad!) use of him is something I'm going to want to take into consideration. I can't NOT see it.

This is my gift curse. This is my curse. It's a double-curse. Which tracks.

[compassionatereminders]

I came to you to vent about this, 'cause I have no one else to talk and I just know you'll give me comfort just by answering it, even if just with a "I'm sorry"...

In resume, I live in a very violent country and security is inexistent in almost all places. Of course that those with money, who live in better neighborhoods, are more favored, but no one is really safe. All kinds of crimes occur every day in all regions, in a way that this has been normalized and no longer shocks most people. Unfortunately, I am poor and I'm easily touched by those crimes.

What happened is that today a man was murdered in front of my house. I was lying in the hammock on the terrace when I heard the five shots being fired. My dog was with me and she immediately ran to the gate and started to bark, I got up to take her and I saw (through the gate that gives access to the street) a glimpse of the killer running away. The shots were really really close to my house so I could hear it clearly. So so scary and loud.

I entered my living room and my parents went to see what happened. Soon curious people started to gather around the victim and the attitude of my parents (disappointed but not surprised) made me feel even worse. I told my dad to call the police and he didn't give a damn, he didn't let me call either, he said that I shouldn't tell what I saw and he and my mom stayed for a long time just looking at the man on the floor. They always have this kind of behavior in these situations, they even are in a group who sends pictures of murdered people where we live, just to see the bodies. My dad started to judge the victim, saying that "he was probably a naughty person". It doesn't matter who the person killed was and what he did, if he was killed with or without a reason, I really believe that it's not up to us to discus about that and that if we aren't helping we shouldn't be fucking around the lifeless body of whoever it is. That's something that really makes me sad. After the police came (I'm glad that someone had sense and called it) and people found out who the victim was, my mom knew who the man's wife was, it was a woman that she didn't like and she cursed her in front of me.

It all happened at around 10:00 P.M., now it's 05:00 A.M. and I can't sleep, I can't stop thinking about what happened, I can't stop thinking about my parents' behavior. They disappoint me in a lot ot things in life. This is one of them. The lack of empathy for others. I don't know how to filter their thoughts and attitudes that I consider absurd, I never learned how to do that. I try to act differently but at the same time I didn't have the courage to call the police myself, I can't stop blaming myself for being more afraid of disobeying their orders than standing up for what's right. I can't stop thinking about the people in my country who live in even worse conditions than me, there are people who wake up to the sound of gunshots every day... I can't stop thinking about how it could be any of us on that floor, about my dog, about how the person who did that is still free and how my parents can sleep peacefully even after what they heard and saw.

That sounds incredibly scary and distressing and I can't even imagine how hard it must be to cope with such an experience. I'm sending all my love and I'm so sorry you don't have access to the safety and security you deserve

[luckyladylily]

Can you rant about how much nonsense Dune shields (and dune technology in general) are? I feel like explanation for shields is such bullshit and is so clumsy, that i can find better justifications for nonsense in cheap mid 2000 battle harem anime.

Unfortunately I don't actually know the technobabble science stuff behind the shields, so I cannot personally critique it. However, I am willing to take it on good faith that it sucks because most things in that book suck.

However, I can give you a bigger picture rant, for which I will use the shields as a launching off point. So the reason Dune shields exist as they do is so you can have rad slow motion knife fights. Herbert started at slow motion knife fights and built his shield science backwards. Which is fair! Making rad things to go in your book is like half the job of an author.

The problem is that this is top down world building. which, again, isn't necessarily a problem, but Dune tries *so hard* to be this serious, deep thing. It is trying to match the sci-fi tone of something like Foundation or I, Robot, regarded as highly as the grand daddies of sci-fi that took interesting, thought provoking concepts and drilled down deep to see where those concepts lead us. And you can see Herbert trying so hard to be that. He is trying so hard to establish an air of intellectual intrigue and gravitas. Except he doesn't do the thing. He doesn't take a thought provoking concept and take it apart from all sorts of angles. Instead he tries to manufacture those intellectual hooks artificially.

Which brings us back to the shields. The shields are there and operate how they do so there can be slow knife fights. Which is fine. In star wars the laser swords work so we can have cool laser sword fights, logic be damned, and we love it. But it's really hard for deep intellectual intrigue to live right beside slow knife fights or laser swords that exist just cuz. You can do it, you can make it work. But then again, with Dune it isn't just the shields and slow knife fights.

Everything in Dune is top down design. Everything exists because Herbert thought it was neat first and because it made sense second or not at all. My single favorite example is that Dune, the single most important planet in the ENTIRE UNIVERSE, is controlled by a fucking baron. If you didn't know, barons are very low ranking nobility. Certainly Herbert didn't know and looks like he didn't care to find out either. And of course this isn't the only example. Dukes are extremely high ranking. House Atreides and House Harkonnen are ancient, bitter enemies. How?? The power disparity duke vs baron would be absurd. He was building up a psudo feudal society for his sci fi novel but didn't bother to research how the nobility functions at all.

My guess? He liked the way "Duke Leto" and "Baron Harkonnen" sound. That's it.

We got Dukes and Counts and Barons and Emperors and it means fuck all, which is again ok if you are writing something where it doesn't matter, but Dune is like 50% political intrigue! People will try to tell you that this is *why* you should read the books. This is the back bone world building of this novel and yet somehow I know more about nobility purely from reading isekai shoujo manga. Though I suppose, to be fair, Frank Herbert never had the advantage of reading shoujo. Maybe Dune wouldn't suck as much if he did.

As yes, all of this seems like petty nitpicking and individually it is, but it is all of them together. There are so many things like this. The man wrote an entire book that is desperately trying to pass itself off as an intellectual exercise vis-à-vis Foundation (there have been suggestions that it was written as a direct counterpoint to Foundation!) and he didn't even try to get basic world building right. The shields don't make sense, the politics don't make sense, nothing makes sense because everything is top down design and lazy top down design at that.

[sha-thoughts]

Hello, I'm suicidal.

The thin ice has cracked, and I've slipped through, into freezing water.

I'm drowning. Fighting for breath, for hope. For a future.

Trapped in a Void; an emptiness which envelops everything, yet offers nothing. A absence with such weight I can feel it's pressure on the backs of my eyes, as it rips out my breath, starves me of hope, and numbs all nurturing thoughts.

But this isn't the kind of drowning that kills you, this is the kind of drowning that is so agonising it makes you want to kill yourself

Yet I know it sounds absurd, ludicrous even, to those not in the Void: to -want- to die. I know, because often I feel 'normal' too. Nourished and enriched by lifes lush labyrinth.

But this is the reality of mental illness. It doesn't make sense, it doesn't have to; It isn't neat or rational. If it's confusing for you, think how it feels to us, who live it.

I tell you I'm suicidal not because I don't feel shame (I do) but because I shouldn't. Everyone should be able to feel safe and supported when opening up about these issues.

But unfortunately I don't, I feel stupid and worthless, weak and selfish, not only because this is what society labels us as, but because this is what the illness tells me I am, it's a double edged sword which makes it so difficult.

People throw words like 'depressed' 'psychotic' and 'bipolar' around like they're some cute accessory. They're not; the are the freezing waters that suffocate me.

So I'm speaking out, partly because I know I'm not the only one to go through this, but also because I know there is a glimmer of hope even though I can't feel it; a hope which comes though connections with people. So here I am, connecting.

For those feeling rough: You're not alone. For those who don't understand: This is what it's like. And for those with compassion: Thank You.

Overall I'm proud of how for I've come this last year. I've worked hard on building stable foundations.

Feeling suicidal at the moment isn't a sign things have gone backwards overall: it's almost exciting to be able to recognise it and know I need to seek help. Almost.

I imagine this episode will be shorter than the last, and I'm much better equipped to deal with the psychotic features. It's just so hard right now.

We should talk about this stuff more.

So Hi. My names Sha and I'm suicidal. How are you?

[waitwiah]

Do I open a bakery?

\Post03\: **TW: Talks of d*ath**

So … I’ve been lacking for real haha. Well I’m back. And I’m still sick unfortunately. People keep making a point to tell me, “you’re so strong” and it is honestly pissing me off. I know that when friends or family say this phrase there is no harm meant by it. But sometimes I don’t want to have to be strong. Sometimes I just want things to come easy since they’ve been coming with the intent to take my head off for the last year and some change.

I know – this sounds absurd. Who wants to be weak? Well, I am weak. I may not be weak willed, but my body is nothing but a fall away from falling completely apart. How does that one Fall Out Boy song go? “I’m a stitch away from making it, and a scar away from falling apart”, that is exactly how I would describe my current state of being. I am so close to having a diagnosis I can taste it (the stitch). But then another symptom arises (the scar) and it kind of makes any providers previous thoughts about a diagnosis void.

Anyway, I have told the majority of my family about my decision to pursue hospice in December. There are only a few more people to tell and I’m TERRIFIED. I cannot fathom telling my grandfather that I’m thinking about hospice! He’s 87 years old for crying out loud. I can’t do that to him…

SO, instead of facing my problems I’ve been baking furiously. I have probably made hundreds of cookies, I’ve made home made sauces, pizzas, breads, donuts; you name it. I have been tiring myself out the best way I know how: being of use to others.  All I seem to do are things for other people. My parents – crushed (rightly so). They believe I’m being unreasonable, so I bake. My aunts and uncles – “you haven’t tried everything yet”. I bake some more. My job – “your opinions actually don’t matter”. So I bake more and take a day off because I fucking deserve it. Right now, my job = hell, my life = tragic, my “rElAtIOnsHip” = feels non-existent, my relationship with my family = in jeopardy.

Bottom line: I’m trying to make the most of the time I have left and not give into the monotonous bullshit that is my life right now. You should do the same. Take that much needed break. Schedule that therapy session you’ve been putting off. Go to that restaurant you’ve been dying to try! Even hang out or call that friend you’ve been meaning to talk to for months. Honestly, life is too damn short to not do what you feel you need to do. If you’ve thought about it, and if it still seems rational in a few days – do it! It’s so hard to please everyone (I’ve found out quite recently), so I have given up on trying to do that. Oh how I am such a people pleaser at heart; my therapist says I bleed out for everyone but never take the time to see if someone is bleeding out for me. Does someone have to bleed out for me? Do I deserve that? Is it worth for someone to go through pain just to care about me????? AM I WORTH IT??? If you are asking yourself this question: YOU ARE.

This is a short one y’all. I don’t have much to say except: I might actually have a diagnosis in the works… 😏 I’ll post an update when I know more! For now, just remember that you are worth it. You’re the reason why someone goes to work/school every day, why someone wakes up every morning, and the last thing on someone’s mind before they go to sleep. You can do this (even if you don’t believe it, I do).

[sevandsstuff]

#oldposts

22/09/21

It's not an easy life observing people acting lovey-dovey in love knowing you cannot, at the same time accepting that there’s no answer for that aching question.

My small world has always been filled with love stories from music, friends, movies, etc.

It sounds great without a doubt. Every day seeing news or blogs about how people are so deep in love, how they have their hearts broken,... Sometimes I wish I can feel, even the heartbreaking things should be much nicer than completely nothing. I cannot even though I desperately tried to.

I once heard from a movie: “It’s a shame when you aren’t capable of loving, isn’t it?” Yeah, it’s a shame.

My friends see me as a real player cause I have lots of romantic relationships that have walked past my life. It might sound absurd but please, I did meet a hella lots of people but NO ONE, actually no one left any special impression on me. I had 2 official ex bfs, unfortunately, my love didn’t last, or it didn’t exist in the first place.

There’re several ones I feel special about them, but just that, no more than mere temporary interest.

I experienced these empty feelings countless times but lately, I wanna confirm again with some tiny hopes that things still work out. I met a friend of my friend and we started chitchatting online in July, we talked and talked and talked to the point that I neglected my sleep schedule just to laugh and cry with him, we shared the same thoughts, interests, perspectives; it indeed was a nice time. Normally, I would cut off all connections when I move to another place (based on experience), however, it didn’t happen this time, so I have high hope for this little relationship. Long story short, I was more than happy having him as a close and special one, I felt like I fell for him sometimes, I rated my feelings towards him a solid 2/10 (that’s a huge improvement compared to anyone in the past).

So what happened? Simply, yesterday morning I woke up with an empty feeling. I felt nothing, completely nothing, I saw his messages and I felt like he was a total stranger, whom I’d never talk to. Once again, I knew it happened, I was too disappointed to even question where my love had gone. I’m now losing all my interest in him, I feel guilt burdening my heart. It's been almost a day since the last time I texted him (I still haven’t opened the chat yet). I know clearly where this relationship gonna go.

One friend told me that she envied how strong I was, she said “it must be nice not feeling anything so you will not get hurt by love like me”.

No, it’s just pathetic. I don’t mind constantly fall in love, it means that I’m able to love; I don’t mind if I have to cry myself to sleep everyday cause it still means that I am truly in love to feel that way; I don’t mind sacrifice for my loved one, cause yeah it’s all I’m longing for.

Despite all of that, I’m still waiting, it may be hopeless, but why not? When I meet the right one, I make sure I’ll treasure my love and love them wholeheartedly without regrets.

So to my friends who have that precious ability, I envy you, please love when you still can.

[semitascriptorum]

Flash Fiction Six: Mission X: Into The New World

Billions of years ago, a planet called Earth existed where humans, animals, and other living creatures started to respire, move, reproduce, and grow until they built their own kingdoms and empires and the population of living creatures started to grow bigger. Humans, unfortunately, abuse the planet until it becomes exhausted.

"Aquarius X 9842 is about to land at Errai to prepare for landing. I repeat, Aquarius X 9842 is about to land at Errai, prepare for landing." I ready myself as I heard the order from the commander, "Roger" I replied as we are about to land at our destination. I was trained for many years for this, I should feel excited but I can't, this is not how I expect my mission would be. I feel like the life of every living creature on Earth depends on me. Our mission is to find a new planet for humans to live on, the UASA discovered a planet and as a mission specialist, I was sent for this mission to examine if living creatures on Earth can live on this planet.

The Earth is dying, due to global warming and climate change, Scientists discovered that the Earth can only live in the span of 3-5 years. People fail to save nature which is why the only choice is to find a new planet that is identical to Earth. I've heard a sound, a signal that we are now on planet Errai. As the space shuttle opens, my eyes grow bigger, it really looks like a new version of Earth. I tried to remove my extravehicular visor but the commander stopped me "Let's just wait for a few minutes" I nodded. We scan the surroundings and from afar, "Commander, I will just look around, I will call you if I found something." I said "Roger" he replied.

I walk around and remove my extravehicular visor, I am still astonished to see that this planet is identical to Earth I look around and I see an unidentified creature that looks like a human. I was about to approach it but it suddenly disappeared, I walked back again to search for my other comrades but there was a girl in front of me, she seems familiar, "You are an intruder from Earth, aren't you?" she asked while giving me a death glare, I confusedly looked at her "Wait, are you a human too?" I asked, ignoring her question. "Given your look, I guess you're really an intruder from the other universe and to answer your question, yes, we are humans too." she answered but there are still tons of questions lingering in my head, I followed her as she walks away from me, "How I mean what-" she cuts me off "Why are you here and who are you?" she stopped and turned in front of me "Oh well, uh I'm sorry I didn't formally introduce myself, I am Celeste an astronaut and I was sent here for a mission," I said, her face turned dark after hearing my reply "What mission?" she asked, "Well I was sent here to find another planet since the Earth is dying due to global warming..and we found this." I chuckled nervously "That's absurd, why don't you just take the consequences of your actions? What will humans do here? Destroy it like how they destroy their own planet?" she said and laughed sarcastically "There are still people that want to live." I said "But their actions don't say so." she replied.

I sighed, "Yes I think you're right but how about those innocent kids? animals? and other living creatures?" I asked her "That's their fate, just accept it." she said, that's so heartless, do humans here don't have empathy? I sighed again and looked at her "By the way, can I ask for your name?" I asked "Lilith" she answered, "You know what I had- " I was about to say that she has the same name and face as my old best friend when she said, "It has been a long time since we last met, Celeste." My eyes grew wider from what I'd heard "But that friend of mine died a long time ago." I replied "Oh, you really think so?" she smirks "How can I assure you that you are really the Lilith I know?" She showed me the scar under her elbow, I remember that scar.

That scar was the result when her mom threw a knife at her. The Lilith I know was raised by an abusive parent, that's why she always stays at our house until that tragedy happens. She suddenly disappeared with no traces left. We searched for her until we accepted that she was really gone, that she was dead. It is still a mystery to us for ten years not until I saw her now. "How did you go on this planet?" I asked, she turned her back at me "As I said earlier, this is an alternate universe. There's also a Lilith living here but she died. Her parents searched for someone that looked like her, they went to Earth and they found me." she said "They want me to come with them, in another universe, at first I was scared and confused but then, I took that opportunity to run away from those monsters." she continued, I saw her wiping her tears from her back.

"I am really sorry." I said, I was about to approach her but then she turn around at me "I am happier now" she said as she suppressed a smile "And I think that's the best decision I've done in my life." she added, I heard a ring that signals me to come at the shuttle "I think I should go now." I said, I saw her face change "Wait, I know a place here, you could rest there for awhile" she said "Follow me" she added, she walked away and I followed her. We went to a remote area, and I feel like there was something wrong with the place but since I trust her I still followed her.

We stop in front of a tall iron gate with a huge wall. I saw a fully armored man standing beside the gate. She held my grip tightly "I found an intruder." she said. Shocked by what I've heard, I tried to take away my hand but her grip became tighter. "You fooled me!" I said angrily "And you're so gullible." she replied while smirking "I am your friend Lilith?! why did you do this to me?!" I screamed, the two armored men held both of my wrists so that I can't move. "You are not my friend." she said "I don't have a friend who always steals my spot." she added "What?!" I confusedly asked her "I am so sick of being your shadow, Celeste. For years, I suffer from the abuse and the insult that people are giving me! And you?! You are always adored and loved by everyone!" she said angrily.

"And fate is on my side now I guess, ha! look at you, you are now here, and once you are inside that gate?" she said while pointing at the gate "You will die." she added. I cried not because I was going to die but because her words felt like a dagger in my heart. I long for her when I thought she was gone, I felt like half of me was gone, I considered her as my sister but the way she looked at me is different, she looks at me like I was a competitor, an enemy, a villain to her own story. "I cared for you. I treated you like my real sister; my family treated you like their own, that when you were missing, we all grieved." I said while crying, I saw the guilt in her eyes while the tears were forming. The armored men force me to go inside. The last thing I heard was her sobs while saying sorry. I closed my eyes. I guess this is really the end.

"Hey wake up! you will be late for school" I heard a voice as I opened my eyes, what a strange dream I thought. I stretched my body and walked towards the bathroom, I heard the sound of the television coming from the living room 'However, wildfires, floods, and typhoons show climate change as a threat, this is your newscasters, Jessica…' I sighed, people really need to save the Earth or else we will all die.

THE END.

[tears0fsatan]

★! ⛓️ ⟩⟩ beel wants in >:(

𖥻 characters... beelzebub x amab!reader

𖥻 genre... nsfw [??] oneshot

𖥻 warnings... nsfw??, its pretty suggestive me thinks, minors, ageless blogs and fem aligned i will block you if you interact, u feel beel up bit heheheh, PUBLIC ??? KINDA ??? IDK ???, mm dom!reader mmmmm, once again, reader is amab .. i mention readers bulge so ....

𖥻 a.n... fuck off with the beel eating u out / sucking u off propaganda i am here to propose a new idea: teasing this big boy!!!

being the physically biggest brother, beelzebub never experienced what some of his fun-sized brothers experienced. standing proudly at six foot four meant that he was expected to look after everyone else, i mean, why would someone so large need people to look after him, right?

the avatar of gluttony had come to terms with what his size brought and in fact, he rather enjoyed it. but when you, the new human exchange student came and he witnessed his older brothers, asmodeus and mammon, clinging onto you and sitting on your lap, he couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy.

at first, he didn't understand why. he had lived with older brothers for centuries, he knew just how clingy they could be (especially mammon, regardless of how the second oldest would try and deny it).

it wasn't until belphegor made it a point to cling onto you at every chance he got did beelzebub realise why he felt so envious of his siblings.

he wanted to do that too. he wanted to be coddled the way you coddled mammon. he wanted to be the one in your lap, with all your attention focused on him and him alone.

so when you came home from helping solomon out and being taller than all of the brothers, beelzebub couldn't stop himself from following you around, too embarrassed to bring up what he wanted.

now, while beel may have believed he had been discreet all this time, in reality he had been quite obvious. although what he wanted wasn't quite clear, the longing glances at his brothers sitting on your lap didn't go unnoticed by you.

when you sat down on the couch after dinner, the demon wasted no time in taking up the spot next to you, making the other demons in the household whine and complain.

you smiled when you felt the avatar of gluttony's thigh brush up against yours, he was so cute and yet completely oblivious to it all.

"you know, i'm normally strong enough to hold mon, asmo and belphie... do you think i'm strong enough to hold you now, beel?" you asked aloud, trying not to sound like you had been planning this when you first asked solomon to make you a potion that would make you bigger than beelzebub. it, unfortunately, cost you being a guinea pig for a "special" potion he was working on, whatever that meant, but that was a problem for another day.

"ah no mc, i'm too heavy." the tall demon was quick unstick himself from your side, scooting closer to the other side of your couch.

"yeah beel! i wanna see mc carryin' ya!" mammon spoke up with a newfound excitement. this, got everyone else's attention, even lucifer who was preparing to leave the dinner table paused and looked at the two of you.

"cmon beel, i'm sure i can do it!" you tried, scooting closer to him. he looked puzzled and his moves were hesitant, but when you made an emphasis on how much space your lap had now that you were a giant, he took a deep breath before taking a seat on your lap.

"that wasn't so hard, now was it?" you teased, your hands resting on his hips as you leaned against his back in satisfaction at his compliance. the demons around you cheered and laughed, undoubtedly amused at the absurdity of the situation.

after they had their laughs and took and appropriate amount of pictures, the brothers slowly dispersed, going off to do their own things.

as for beelzebub, well... he didn't know how to feel. and while that was a regular occurrence, this time was different. he felt all kinds of embarrassed and flustered while also feeling very fuzzy and warm and... small. it wasn't often that the demon felt small, hell, he wasn't sure there was ever a time he felt small. that was what asmodeus, mammon and belphegor were, not him. not the tallest of the lords of hell.

yet, here he was. in your lap, in the house of lamentation common room. and you were fine. you were acting like the avatar of gluttony weighed nothing sitting stiffly on top of your thighs.

you felt your shorts tighten at the sight of beel's reddening ears, and you would've been embarrassed if beel wasn't constantly squirming on your lap, clearly not used to all the attention being on him.

"calm down." you instructed quietly, whispering in his ear as you rested your head on his shoulder, your hands moving to feel up and down his body in hope of reducing the gingers nerves.

you felt rather than heard the demon in your lap let out a breath, feeling his body ever so slightly relax at your ministrations.

you hummed and began gently squeezing his thighs, smiling when he took in a sharp breath. your hands moved higher, your touches on his abs and hips staying longer than they would've if you had pure intentions.

"do you wanna go to my room, baby? hmm? would you let me take care of you?"

if his eager nods and quiet whines were anything to go by, you'd say your little demon had been waiting a while for you to utter those words.

© 2022 TEARS0FSATAN. please don’t repost, modify or translate my works anywhere!