#i know i haven't been a very positive presence when i was worried about my mother

[barleyo]

If ur in twd fandom I would loveee a Daryl dixon age gap fic!! Just him being disgusting over taking her first time? Just a major power imbalance between them. Dont do this if ur uncomfy ofc!! Stay safe bookie <33

Men Who Are Older.

Daryl Dixon X F! Reader (smut)

A/N: cried happy tears at this request, i LOVE daryl, he's so yummy. dirty old men foreverrrrr!!! i haven't seen all of twd and it's been a while since i've watched it, so this could be super ooc for all i know!! sorry it's short, i wanted to get all my ideas down quickly :3

Tags: LARGE age gap (18-19 and late 40-ish), power imbalance, coercion, p in v, loss of virginity, allusion to anal, creepy old man behavior (ugh i luv it)

Wordcount: 1.2k

You found yourself often visiting Daryl in his tent later in the night when you couldn't sleep. He tried to act like it annoyed him, like your presence was a nuisance to him, but it wasn't. You weren't the most irritating person he had to deal with day-to-day. You were polite enough for your age, you didn't mess around and snoop through his shit. You didn't judge him.

Most importantly, though, you were attractive. There wasn't much hot, young tail to chase around the camp. He liked to think you were his reward for living through hell every day. Nothing like eye candy at the end of the night to ease a hardened man's stress.

It was like most nights when you entered his tent, not bothering to announce yourself. Daryl looked up from the pocket knife he had been mindlessly flicking to eye you down. 

"Shouldn't you be in bed by now?" 

"Yeah, right," you said, taking a casual seat on his bedroll. "What're you doing?"

He clicked his tongue at you on his bed, but sighed and ignored it. "Nothing. Too damn late to do anythin' important."

"Want to chit-chat, then?" You rested your hands on your knees, hoping he would soothe your boredom.

"Do I wanna 'chit-chat'?" Daryl flicked his knife closed and tucked it in his back pocket. "If you wanna chat, why don't you go do it with someone else? You don't have friends your age?" 

"I used to." He didn't say anything, just flattened his mouth at your rebuttal. "We're friends though, aren't we?"

Crossing his arms, he let out a hum. "Whatever you want, kid. Sure. We're real pals."

You spoke about whatever came to your mind for the next however-many minutes with him. Mostly just you babbling on, but it didn't bother him. You could run off at your mouth all you wanted, gave him all the excuse to stare you down and look a little too closely at places he knew he shouldn't.

Eventually, you got on the topic of things you missed about life before. Things you wished you got to experience, things you were slowly starting to forget about.

"I didn't even get to properly lose my virginity before this shit took over," you complained, now laying on Daryl's bed like it was your own. "It really bites, man." 

His eyes widened a bit, arms falling to his legs from their crossed position. 

"Wait, what'd y'say?" 

"Huh? Oh, I didn't get to have sex with anyone before the outbreak," you repeated, not caring to turn to face him while you spoke. "Sometimes, I wonder if I'll die before I get any." 

So many things rushed through Daryl's head at that moment. A virgin? You? It wasn't exactly surprising, you weren't old enough for it to be a shocking thing to hear, but the thought really intrigued him. Made him wonder.

It gave him an idea, and lord knows dirty, old men have even dirtier ideas stewing in their minds.

"That bother you?" 

You finally turned your head over to look at him, eyes looking conflicted.

"I guess, a little. There are bigger things to worry about, but I feel like I'm missing out," you said while trying your best to sound nonchalant. "It's not much of a priority, under the circumstances, you know."

Oh, how wrong you were. It very much was a priority, an urgent one at that. 

"Never know. Could happen, if y'really wanted. Don't rule it out completely," he advised, wiping his face with the back of his palm. "Maybe some younger man might find his way here. Could be an opportunity." 

"Nah, I couldn't go for that. I don't wanna be inexperienced and have to deal with an equally inexperienced guy too. That'd be like hell," you joked.

"Sounds like you want an older man, then."

He called on every guardian angel he had in that moment, praying for you to take the bait. Just one chance, damn it, he wasn't asking for much.

"Yeah, guess so." You made eye contact with him for a brief second, before flitting your eyes around in embarrassment. "Listen, it's getting late, I should go." You pushed yourself up, ready to head back to your family.

Daryl stood from his seat and grabbed your wrist, pulling you closer to him.

"I don't mind," he said, dancing around the answer to the question you didn't yet ask. "I know my fair share."

"Those don't sound like sounds a virgin'd make," he teased. He loved how you sounded. Straight from a porno, just shameless cries and squeals. "You sure you ain't did this before?"

He watched the back of your head shake 'no' while his hand guided along the arch in your spine. Took you a while to learn to keep your head down and ass up, but damn it if you didn't put the knowledge to work quickly.

"Am I supposed to be dizzy?" you asked, voice muffled by the blankets under you.

Daryl chuckled softly, slamming your hips back on him. "Yeah, if the guy's doin' it right. Feel good?"

Your hands clenched the fabric you were laying on, digging into it roughly.

"I think? I—I dunno, 's just so much."

Being the man he was, Daryl took that as a challenge. He flipped you over on your back, cock still rocking into you. He sped up, letting his movements get sharper. 

"C'mon," he muttered gruffly, trying to urge you to place your legs on his shoulders, "you gonna be this much of a problem for the next guy?"

You gave your weak legs a kick, wrapping them around his neck so the shaking wouldn't roll them off his shoulders. 

"No, no," you whined, groping your tits to keep your hands busy, "don't want another guy. He won't be as good as you, Dar." 

How the hell could a few little words get him ramped up even more? He knew you probably didn't mean it, horny girls said whatever their pussies wanted them to say, but the way he fucked you made you believe your own words.

"Yeah? I ruined ya for other guys already?" 

The stark difference between his now softer tone and rougher thrusts confused your brain in the best ways possible. You couldn't focus on just one aspect of him: Daryl was everywhere. In your brain, in your heart, in the very blood flowing through your veins— and, of course, inside of you. 

It was too much, all of it. 

Your walls clamped tightly over him, sucking him in like a vacuum. The clenching of your walls over his dick sent him over the edge, barely leaving him enough time to pull out. He bit the back of his hand, stifling a moan while he jerked himself the rest of the way off, coating your tired pussy with his cum. 

"You didn't cum inside, did you?" You sat up quickly, scooting back a bit. 

Daryl let out a huff. "I'm not an amateur, I know how to pull out."

"Just checking," you mumbled, lying back down on his bedroll, head nuzzling into the pillow.

You felt his dick push up against your ass, prodding between your cheeks.

"I could show you a way that'll make sure no idiot douchebags get ya knocked up," he offered, head desperately tapping against your asshole, "if you want."

A soft sigh came from your chest as you pushed your ass back on him.

"You're an eager teacher, y'know."

[botanicallyinclinednerd]

More stuff about my Merlin soulmate au:

Something I think I forgot to mention last time is that soulmates take comfort in the presence and physical contact of each other, feeling safe and content with them by their side.

The other kingdoms view Uther's policies on soulmates to be barbaric and cruel, and is a contributing factor to the tension and conflicts Camelot faces with the surrounding kingdoms.

Morgana still goes evil in this one lads, but with an important change of her anger being exclusively directed at Uther, Arthur, and Merlin. Gwen is her soulmate and she loves her, she wants Gwen at HER side. Her rage at getting a vision of Gwen becoming queen isn't because she is queen, but because she's ARTHURS queen (I do want to clarify that Gwen and Morgana's relationship in this au is platonic, but it only makes sense for Morgana to want one of her soulmates to rule beside her, and her other soulmates are her sister and a child)

So all the attempts on Gwen's life are gone (though both the shade plot and the dark tower might still be in play, but with the intention to get Gwen back all to herself, not to harm her)

(Merlin does not know Morgana is one of Gwen's other soulmates until after he poisoned her and Gwen let's slipped that she's really worried about Morgana, but at least she knows she's alive.)

(Gwen being Morgana's soulmate is a treasure trove of angst that I do plan on exploring fully)

The Coming of Arthur is going to be fun in regards to Morgana and Gwen (and Leon)

Morgana promising Gwen that no harm will come to her, not with her by her side.

"I know it's not fair of me to make you choose between soulmates, but Gwen, I can bring peace back to Camelot. Magic can be free again, soulmates cherished as they are supposed to be. Please, join me."

But the thing is, Morgana isn't just asking Gwen to choose between two halves of her soul. She knows both Leon and Merlin would never forsake Arthur, and if she chose Morgana, she would also lose both of them, not just Arthur. It's an unfair position to be in, an impossible situation (she chooses anyway. The Morgana she knew never would have ordered the death of innocent civilians to punish those who would not obey her. Something happened to the girl she loves, shes having trouble recognizing the holder of a piece of her soul)

(Gwen still goes to the dungeon to bring Leon food, though it goes a little differently, with Leon learning that Morgana is her soulmate. More on that in another post)

Arthur is going to repeal the laws against soulmates and magic as soon as he becomes king (he has been aware of Merlin’s status as a sorcerer for years and is unable to see how magic can be evil and corrupting when Merlin is one of the best people he knows and his soulmate to boot)

Due to most of them growing up under laws that prohibit talking about soulmates, it takes everybody far too fucking long to realize that they are all soulmates with each other cause no one says anything or compares notes.

I know its mean, but they finally figure it all out following Lancelot's death

(I have tried to figure out a way for him to survive but I really don't think he can)

(Poor Gwen all alone in Camelot breaking down while helping care for people because she feels Lancelot *die* with only Gaius to help her. No other soulmates available to hold her and help her feel a little less empty, a little less alone.)

Everyone experiencing the same pain and all knowing they just lost Lancelot leads to conversation.

Because while everyone in the group had been bonded with Lancelot, not everyone is bound together, which is totally possible, but Arthur knows he's soul bound to half this group, it would make sense to check if there's others in the group.

I will make a separate post about the events of the darkest hour cause I think this would get very long if I had it in here

Now, something I haven't gotten into yet is the magic part of soulmates (so far it's mainly been the destiny and social ramifications and interpersonal details)

Soulmarks are magic, and in some cases, an individual can develop a soulmate ability, a single ability that can be used in regards to exclusively one's bonded soulmates

Now these abilities vary in strength and specificity, some are dictated by touch, others apply no matter where they are in the world

Some soulmate abilities I've come up with thus far are:

The ability to always know what direction their soulmate is in relation to themself

The ability to know when their soulmate is lying to them, and a more broad varient of always knowing when they are lying period

The ability to always instinctually know what it is their soulmate truly means when they speak (I'm very tempted to give this to Gwen because I think it would make things interesting with Morgana, but I am worried it might break things a bit)

The ability to know what their soulmate is feeling emotionally by looking at them or touching them (I think I'm going to give this one to Leon?)

An ability confined to touch that brings to the soulmate's attention what their body most needs at that moment. (It's requires intent to be put into use, and it doesn't necessarily make the soulmate do that thing? It's not compulsory. It's more "Hey you're fucking exhausted you need sleep," or "Crying sounds so nice right now," or "Dude, EAT," and they can still fight these things, if they choose to, but those things are now at the forefront of their attention (making them more likely to be heeded))

Now, an ability I've thought EXTENSIVELY about:

A very rare and (before Uther nuked everything having to do with magic and soulmates) coveted ability that allows someone to, through constant touch, share their life force with their dying soulmate in order to keep then alive.

So say, for example, somebody (Soulmate A) is actively bleeding out from a fatal wound. The soulmate with the ability (Soulmate B) would have to touch soulmate A, skin to skin contact, and have this desperation, determination that soulmate A will not die, they won't let them.

Now, a couple things would happen.

One: Soulmate B's soulmark on Soulmate A's skin would move in some way to the point of injury (the method may vary depending on what their mark looks like. Like if the mark was a flower, the stem may extend and the mark itself stays stationary, or if it's something that's alive it would just fully move) and start "healing" the wound

Healing being in quotes because

Two: The injury is really being transferred partially to Soulmate B, enough so that the injury to Soulmate A is no longer immediately fatal, for the duration that they keep contact with Soulmate A. This buys Soulmate A time to be healed properly, but if the underlying injury is not healed in a timely manner, both Soulmate A and B could die.

Healing Soulmate A would also heal Soulmate B, as it was never truly their injury (though it sure feels and acts like it, and can be just as deadly if help isn't gotten in time.)

Because this ability is so inherently magic and is considered a spell, Soulmate B, even if they have the capacity to use other magic, can not cast a healing spell while using this spell, as it's only possible to cast one spell at a time.

I am naturally giving this ability to Merlin.

But the thing about abilities like this one is that it's impossible to know if you have it or not until the situation calls for it for the first time. It's impossible to know until your soulmate is dying right in front of you. Until you reach out and wish with every fiber in your being that they survive and they DO

The other thing about this ability? It can only be used once per soulmate. One get out of death free card and that's it

I haven't fully figured out if the dark tower would still happen, but if it does, Merlin would discover this ability saving Elyan's life (with the help of the knights who have to on the fly learn healing magic or else lose *both* of them)

That's going to be it for this post as it's starting to get long, but I have other posts I'm already working on. Also, if anyone has any questions, ideas, or suggestions in regards to this au, please feel free to send them my way!

[etherealyoni]

GRIEF GUIDANCE MESSAGES

Aries, Leo, Sagittarius

You may have lost someone that saw you at your best and worst in life. This is someone that loved you through these times and it feels that their love is deemed 'irreplaceable'. I see that this was a heavy thing for you to carry. This was a situation that made your life go upside down. I can see there's still some pain in your heart because of this. Maybe you haven't moved on and that's okay, don't feel the need to force the way you think. This is someone you may have told secrets to. It seems you either lived with this person or saw them almost every day so losing them and trying to 'get back to life' feels nearly impossible because you could still be looking forward to seeing them. I can tell this was very abrupt and no one saw this coming so you could still be in shock. 'All I can do is smile when I see you. I know it feels like I wasn't supposed to go, and I know you all miss me dearly. I'm receiving so much love here and I wish you knew that I haven't ever left your side. You know I would've never made the decision to exit in such a confusing way. I honestly wish I had more to say but for now, I want you to know how much I love you, and I hate that I hurt you in such a way. I know this is a wound that can't be fixed with just a 'band-aid', but I hope you can feel my love, and I really want you to know that this isn't over. I will make my presence known in more ways than one. I will assure you that you will make it through this because I'm still by your side. It'll never be easy to forget but I hope that you always remember the good times. I want you to know that when it rains again, I'll be dancing outside. I am wherever you need me to be at all times. You gave me amazing things to look back on and I'm forever grateful for the memories. I hope that I've been able to ease a bit of what you were feeling and I really want you to know that I am okay, I am safe, and you don't have to worry about me anymore.'

Signs & Symbols: Birds (Parakeets, Blue Jays), Alicia, Smoke Detector Meditation, Blocks, Mary, Standing Ovation, Card Games, 788, Caramel/Candy Apples, Singing Songs, Rose Petals, Locket, Jason, Moving Car, Rite Aid, Carmen, Garden/Water Hose. (these signs are channeled and are meant to be personalized so if one or two of these things resonate great, but they are scattered from different sources so take what resonates!)

Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn

The presence I feel is a strong feminine energy, this is someone that may have attended to all or some of your needs. This person's energy feels very relaxing and safe. You may not be sure how to move on from this and it may be some stagnancy right now because things feel so weird to you. But I can see that you are right where you need to be so don't think for a second that you have to rush or force yourself out of the current position you are in. Be still and be present, give yourself time to adjust to everything that's happening. This feels like it happened at a peak in your life, where things were already pretty hectic or when things finally felt like they were going your way. I can tell you had to truly take a step back from a lot of different things. This really startled you and I can tell you may feel like you're dreaming or even hallucinating your reality at times. I'm not here to pinch you and tell you to wake up, but I do want to share a channeled message with you. 'I have never felt so alone, this is very hard for me, and I know it's hard for you as well. As much as God prepared me, I still just wasn't ready to leave. I just had so much going on, things just spiraled out of control, and the next thing you know I can't pick up my phone to call or text you. I am just as devastated because I wanted to make more memories and spend more time. I am always thankful for the things you've done and said. I don't know if you've noticed but I'm usually wandering around by your place. I just feel so at home whenever I'm near you. I think about all the things we'd be doing if I was still with you physically. I know we had more adventures to take on and maybe that time will come eventually. But for now, I can tell you that I'm still adjusting to this. All of this just feels so different and I wish you could see the world beyond the physical. I want you to know that there's more to life than the suffering I endured. I am not unhappy, I just miss what was at times, and I'm learning to accept that everything is temporary. I can't wait to see you again, you were truly the best sidekick life could have offered me. I hope to continue making my presence known so you always know I'm there. I can't stand to see you upset and hurt about me, so this is your reminder to continue making the most out of this life. I don't want you to waste any more time, I am okay, I am being taken care of, and I am not suffering anymore. I know it's hard to accept but I will love you through this rough patch. I just want to see you keep striving for greatness, please don't give up, I'm rooting for you!!!

Signs & Symbols: Batman & Robin, Microdosing, Health Issues, Lazy River, School/Education, Carrie, Mother or Mother figure, Neighbor, Layla, Peeking, Laundry/Clothes, Accident, Wayne, Seeking Help, Cars, Jesse, Climbing Trees (made me think of a childhood best friend or someone that brought out your inner child), Post It Notes, Ice Cream, Sarah, Christmas/Winter Time, Food Runs, (I keep singing winter activities like snow angels, building snowmen, etc. This could be someone with a winter birthday or this took place around that time but winter is VERY significant) (these signs are channeled and are meant to be personalized so if one or two of these things resonate great, but they are scattered from different sources so take what resonates!)

Gemini, Libra, Aquarius

'I wipe your tears even when you can't feel it cause I know you're not over me. I get the feeling that you never will be but I'm here. I can't believe this myself but I just have to let you know that I'm so proud of how you're handling this. I'm so sorry and I just can't help but apologize for what you had to see and feel on my behalf. Although this isn't my fault, I just feel so guilty for all of this. It's gonna take some time to heal but I just want to say I'm so proud of the way you are handling this. You take your time, no one is rushing you, and I know I wouldn't ever make you feel like you have to get over me. I know either of us weren't ready to let go. The strength that I had left was used to comfort you during the time of unexpected grief.' This person's channeled message came out immediately, I didn't even have the time to pick up on their energy like they came through swinging. They've probably been trying to get a message to you for some time. I'm hearing that they have been throwing a symbol here and there (aquatic animal totems are very significant to this person's energy as well). This is someone who was very creative and was born to shake up the lives of those around them. I see this person was full of energy and always knew how to bring a good time to those around them. The energy here feels tricky and hard to grasp and maybe this is how their passing was or felt to you. I see that there's a lot that's hidden. Like you still don't know how this person passed or there's just a complex situation involving this person. But this is definitely someone who wants you to know how much you mean to them.

Signs & Symbols: Christina, Crime Scene, Starburst, Tea/Coffee stains, Allergies, Curtains, 444, Stay by Rihanna, Lottery Tickets/Scratch Offs, Roses & Flowers, Mia, Bikes, Knocking on a door, Party Animal, Dolphins, Ayuaschua, Sleepless nights, Running, Angel, 2323, Stacy (these signs are channeled and are meant to be personalized so if one or two of these things resonate great, but they are scattered from different sources so take what resonates!)

Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces

This person does not want you to feel guilty. If you are beating yourself up in any way about this person's death please don't, it hurts them because they don't want you to live with the guilt. I hear you constantly apologizing, but they want to assure you this is not your fault. This person was a daredevil and loved to take risks and surprisingly, this doesn't seem to be the thing that caused their passing (they're making light of the matter). They feel so light to me like they have truly accepted this, and they are content with the position they are in. But they can see how it's tearing you up inside. 'You still deserve to be happy. Even though I'm not with you in the way I was before, I want you to know that I don't want you to stop living. You may feel it's wrong to have a good time because I'm not there but little do you know. I'm not going anywhere. I've been watching from afar and I can tell you're still getting through this and you have so much support on the other side. I get the urge to hug you every time I see you're about to break down. I hope you feel my presence. I hope you know that no matter how much you beat yourself down, I am not mad at you. I am not gonna let you continue living in regret. You did what you knew was best and I'm not shaming you for it. Remember that my love was unconditional. Even if we ended on the worst terms, I would still come to you first. I love you more than your physical body can handle. I'm not gonna let you give up on yourself or the things you always dreamed of doing. You are supported, you are loved, and you are worthy of living the life you deserve whether I'm here or not. I know I'm still in your heart and you're always in mine. I just want you to find it in you, to take your next step KNOWING I'm holding your hand. I love you so much.

Signs & Symbols: 888, Memory Lane, Cindy, Tourist/Traveling, Bottles, Summer, Long Car Rides, Writing/Journaling, J, 188, Kids/Playgrounds, Sand, Lisa, Mississippi, Chris, Armor, Spiderwebs, Archangel Michael & Gabriel, Sam or Samantha, Crisis, Tangled Movie, Drained (these signs are channeled and are meant to be personalized so if one or two of these things resonate great, but they are scattered from different sources so take what resonates!)

[violetsiren90]

All I Haven't Said | Namjoon/Reader

💜 Chapter 3: Part 1 💜

Table of Contents: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3 (part 1), Chapter 3 (part 2)

Pairing: idol!Namjoon/f!Reader

Genre: Soulmate AU; idol AU; chapter fic; strangers to lovers; a bit of idiots to lovers, tbh; slow burn; eventual romance; eventual smut; angst (life is messy & hearts are complex); OT7 featured

Summary: You found your soulmate - or rather, he found you. Turns out he's an idol of much acclaim who needs you for very real and unglamorous reasons. What could become of two hearts so used to giving of themselves when they are confronted with needing each other?

Chapter Word Count: ~6k

Chapter Warnings: This fic is 18+, as is all my work and my page as a whole; Talk and depictions of cancer, its treatment, and the symptoms of both; implication of some disregard for personal agency by entertainment industry; character experience and description of disassociation; flashbacks of a distressing situation; soulmate skinship; cursing; conversations surrounding soulmates and sex; character experiences an emotional breakdown; light embarrassment; CONFLICT (you knew it was coming, right?), there is plenty of fluffy stuff too I PROMISE 😂😅

Author's Note: Wow. It's been a minute. If you're still reading this story, thank you for sticking with me, and I apologize for the stretch of time between updates. For the longest time, I just couldn't get this part right...and then it was far too long, so I split it up, and I'm still editing the second, and (potentially) third parts. I got several messages from readers who were worried I might have abandoned this fic, and let me assure you, far from it! I am not a speedy writer, and struggle with doubting if what I'm putting on the page is good enough, so sometimes it takes me a minute to update, but let me assure you, these characters are so special to me and so alive in me, and I ask thank you for your patience as I work to tell their story! Thank you for your lovely words of encouragement and feedback on the story - I appreciate each and every one of them!!

P.S. If you want to join the tag list, drop me a comment or ask!

P.P.S. If no one has told you yet today, you're loved and worthy of love! 🧜‍♀️💜

"I needed the light of your energy, I looked around, devouring hope."

~Pablo Neruda

Chapter 3: My Windows Ache

  "FUCKING FINALLY."

    "Hey, Di."

    "How dare you ghost me for the forty-eight most interesting hours of your life?!"

    "Well, I was low-key occupied..."

    "TELL ME EVERYTHING." 

     You sighed, settling down on a shaded bench in the garden grounds of the hospital to which you had escaped for a little privacy and an important phone call or two.

    "Uh oh. That was your 'things are complicated' sigh," Diana prodded.

    Your eyes tracked a swallowtail as it flitted from azalea to azalea.

    "Well, things certainly aren't conventional or straight-forward, that's for sure. But where's the fun in understanding the basic parameters of what you're getting yourself into on a life-altering scale, right?"

    "Ummmm...what does that mean? You met him, right?"

You could barely hear your sister's question over the crinkle of plastic in the background.

    "Yeah, I did. We bonded too."

    "Oh mah gah!!" Diana choked out amidst sounds of crunchy chewing. "So what's he like?"

    You thought for a moment.

    "He's kind and intelligent. Obviously extremely resilient. His presence is impressive, but he has something about him that's very disarming. He's kind of clumsy and at moments almost...shy? Like, I don't know what I expected, but there's this sweetness to him that you wouldn't anticipate from someone in his position."

    "As a cancer patient?"

    "As an idol."

    You sighed again.

    "I don't know...he's..."

    Diana let out a strangled sound and uttered an enthusiastic string of words you couldn't make out.

    "I have no idea what you just said. Could you please decide whether you want to talk to me or consume an entire bag of Doritos?" 

    "Hey, it's dinner time here!" she whined, "And I said," her voice quickly changed to take on a smug sing-song tone, "That last sigh was your smitten-kitten one..."

    "It was not!" you cut her off sharply. "And get every single idea of Namjoon and I as a couple out of that scheming head of yours because he's very much taken. I'm meeting his fiancée for lunch today."

    "What? He's engaged?"

Diana let out an exasperated huff.

"Why didn't they tell you about this right off the bat? You're going to be the soulmate of a married man? What does that even mean? This is bullshit."

    You had a hard time disagreeing with her there. It was, in fact, bullshit that Namjoon's team had kept his relationship status a secret. Would it have changed your decision? Probably not. This had been about saving Namjoon's life, not some bizarre attempt at matchmaking. But having a third person to consider, and so intimately, as part of the equation for the rest of your earthly life felt like something you should have been made more immediately aware of. Navigating your boundaries with your soulmate had already been complex enough without introducing the prospect of being a fixture in his married life. When Namjoon had breached the prospect of meeting her, he had been taken aback at your surprise - he, like you, had assumed that Hybe's representation had disclosed everything of significance.

    "So it's a good thing I came here as a lifeline, not a mail-order bride," you reminded your sister, "And that seems to be working, by the way. His vitals are already stable. They stabilized overnight, in fact. And his white blood cell count was way up this morning, which is good because I guess he was experiencing immunosuppression from the chemo."

    "Oh, nice," Diana murmured.

You had to remind yourself that she was young and excitable, and not to be annoyed at the disappointment that he crept into her tone. However, never one to be down for long, her voice brought its usual bright mischief through the speaker as she posed her following question.

    "By the way...how was bonding?"

    She had said it with an inescapably salacious undertone, which is why, you told yourself, heat had begun to creep up the base of your neck. You stammered, switching the phone from one ear to the other as you bought yourself time to reassemble your decorum. 

    "Ah...I mean...it was...intense?"

    "Ooooohhhh," Diana trilled, only making you more uncomfortable as the heat spread from your neck to your cheeks, "Intense, huh? Like in a good way?"

     You squirmed uncomfortably where you sat, thoughts of Namjoon's pleasure-stricken face and the strength of his hand and how his skin felt against your own hitting your hippocampus like a flash flood.

    "Y/n?"

    "It was fine, okay? And it worked - so that's what's important."

    "....Okaaay..." Diana drawled skeptically.

You scrambled for another talking point.

    "That kid visited. The one who came to the States - Jungkook. And another one of the members too - Jim...Jimin? I'm still trying to get their names straight. Some of them don't go by their actual names on stage - Namjoon is RM...but you knew that. Anyway, I digress. Both the boys were really sweet. Seems like they're all very close. I'm supposed to meet the rest of the members at some point next week at dinner. They wanted to have a sort of 'last supper' for us since we're probably going to start rejecting food soon."

    "That's cool, you get to meet the whole team! Oh my gosh, you're just going to casually have dinner with BTS...this is still so unreal!"

    "Yep," you affirmed, a smile tugging at the corner of your mouth.

Namjoon had hit you with a couple of whoppers last night, but this was one you were actually looking forward to. You told Diana all about your first two days in Seoul - about the impressive hospital and its kind staff. About meeting Namjoon, and his condition. About how everything was still so fresh and new. About how so many things were still unsettled, so many questions unanswered.

    "So are you nervous?"

    "About what?"

    "Meeting his girlfriend."

    You had been so wrapped up in filling Diana in on it all that you had actually forgotten about the impending lunch date. As you pulled the phone away from your ear to check the time, your stomach lurched. 

    "Shit, I better get going. It's almost eleven-thirty." You sprang up and started quickly back toward the building.

    "That wasn't an answer," Diana scoffed, "But, hey, sis?"

    "Yeah?" You pressed the "up" button on the elevator.

    "Don't be."

    You smiled.

    "Love you, Di."

    "Love you too. And so does anyone worth a damn."

    After deciding that you smelled like outside, you showered quickly then slipped into caramel-colored corduroys and an off-white tee. You rummaged around the small suitcase Matt had brought from the hotel for you in search of a sweater. After several exasperating minutes of unsuccessful digging, you heaved the bag of laundered clothes that had been returned to you by the hospital staff this morning, having gone through much of the what the Hybe staff had initially pilfered from your luggage in the last two days.

You grumbled in relief as you pulled out your dark green cardigan and slipped it over your shoulders, wondering what the hell the hospital laundry services had done to stretch it out so badly. But, you didn't have time to fuss - so you bunched up the sleeves and headed to the opposite end of the hospital's outdoor grounds where you suspected Namjoon and his guest were already waiting. 

    The hospital grounds were extensive and beautiful, sporting a garden that extended from the western wing, and a lawn punctuated by traditional pavilions to the east. He had pointed out the one he had reserved to you last night - tucked away in the shade of the large gingko trees flanking the little man-made stream that delineated the border of the grounds.

As you made your way toward the shady spot you chided yourself for being so uneasy - everyone surrounding your soulmate had been as lovely and warm and welcoming as he had been, and the woman he loved would likely be no exception. After Namjoon had disclosed that she was a musician like he was, you had done a bit of online recon before going to bed that night.

Her given name was Kim Hyung-seo, but her stage name, by which she was well-known, was Bibi. She was four years Namjoon's junior, but seemed nearly as ambitious. From what you could tell, she seemed to share a similar drive for artistry and honesty in her musical process as her future husband, and though her tendency for loose-canon candidness had landed her in hot water more than once, her earnest sincerity had engendered her to the hearts of her peers and fans alike. In an industry that seemed to often censor and restrict women, Hyung-seo didn't seem to give much credence to the rules. You liked that. You were actually kind of excited to get to know her a bit and ask her about her art - you had always been a woman's woman, and being in the company of strong feminine energy was something you found deeply empowering and grounding. You anticipated that your soulmate's girlfriend was someone you could respect, and you allowed yourself to venture to hope that feeling would be mutual.

    You trotted up the steps of the pavilion and took in its contents. The center had been fitted with a low, round table bearing a colorful and mouthwatering spread of gogi, bibim guksu, gimbap, and banchan. Cushions had been placed on the floor for seating, but none bore the lunch companions you had been anxious not to keep waiting. You were about to take your place at the table when a figure moving near the creek caught your eye.

You moved to the far side of the structure, to see your soulmate deeply engaged in conversation...with a duck.

He was standing near the edge of the water, his tall figure clad in silky modern navy blue hanbok. The top was untied and hung loosely over a white tee - the only contrast to the deep muted tone apart from his cognac loafers. He wore a dark beanie pulled low on his head, which was bowed in affectionate greeting to a juvenile Gadwall who had paddled away from his family to sample the little bits of starchy fluff that the stranger had sprinkled onto the water.

You pressed your palms against the painted wood, taking him in with a smile as he crouched down, extending a bit of bread between his fingers slowly toward the curious little water foul.

This man, you were learning - this erstwhile underground rapper, this leader of men, this brilliant intellectual and genius artist - this great, powerful, impressive man could be called out of his poise in an instant by the sweet and tiny things of the world.

You watched as he waited patiently, the little duck swimming in to-and-fro circuits and drawing closer and closer to Namjoon with each pass, until finally it was close enough to snatch its prize from him and scuttle off quickly to rejoin its mother and siblings. Namjoon chuckled, smiling fondly as he watched the duck make his way back down the creek.

This man, you thought to yourself, could not possibly be real.

    "So you're a Kpop idol and a Disney princess, huh?" you called, causing Namjoon to startle and rock back on his heels, landing on his posterior in the damp grass.

    You slapped a hand over your mouth to repress the laughter that threatened to bubble up at the site of his large well-dressed figure tipped back haphazardly on the creekside. He huffed a sheepish laugh as he stood, swiping at the back of his pants.

    "Give a person a little warning?" he chided lightly, approaching you where you leaned on the railing.

    "Sorry," you chuckled, "I didn't want to scare your little friend."

    "So you settled for scaring your soulmate? I see how it is." 

    You smiled and ducked your head.

    "Sorry," you murmured, flicking your gaze back to his.

He looked up at you, fixing you with his warm brown eyes and bringing his hands to grip the railing on either side of yours. Suddenly, you felt shy. You shook yourself.

    "Hey, hang out with the ducks and you'll end up with a wet tail," you teased.

Namjoon's eyebrows drew together in mock disgust.

    "Yikes, you're almost as bad as Seokjin hyung," he remarked disparagingly.

    You shrugged, smirking.

    "I have no idea what that means, but whoever Seokjin is, he must have a superior sense of humor."

Namjoon was opening his mouth to respond, but was cut short, as the tiny motion of your shoulders had slid one of your hands just a centimeter down the railing and barely flush with his own. The slight contact was enough to send sudden little tingles of comfort shooting up your arm and across your chest. In a millisecond you felt yourself relax where you hadn't realized you were tense. You could have imagined it, but you thought you felt Namjoon press his hand just a fraction more into yours as he swallowed and heaved a deep sigh.

You reminded yourself for the hundredth time since you arrived that this was biological. Clinical. The means to an end. Damn, he felt good though.

You found yourself snatching your hands away to push up your cardigan sleeves and then stuff them into your pants pockets where they would stop confusing you. You distracted yourself from Namjoon's subtle look of disappointment with an apology.

    "Sorry about your pants," you rocked back on your heels as you looked out over the little ribbon of water rippling over its stony bed behind him.

He glanced over his shoulder and brushed himself off again before waving a hand in dismissal. Your eyes focused back on the blue silk.

"I didn't realize this was a fancy lunch. I feel under-dressed."

    "You look nice," Namjoon rebutted, as he glanced over your attire. Then his brow pinched as his eyes halted on your torso, flitting over your arms and shoulders. "But isn't that -"

    "Joon?"

A voice behind you caused you to turn.

Standing at the top of the steps was the woman it belonged to. She was tall and beautifully slender - her svelte figure draped in a slinky chrome dress with a triangular cutout that displayed the smooth skin of her upper abdomen. Her glossy raven tresses were styled away from her face in a high ponytail, drawing sharp attention to her sultry features. Her smoky eyes glanced over your form with a lazy intensity, lids half-raised over dark irises, and her pouted lips pursed in appraisal. You wondered just exactly how many ridiculously beautiful people traveled in Namjoon's circle.

She stepped toward you, her chunky pink heels marking her confident strides on the floorboards, before bowing and extending a small hand with sharp white acrylics and icy sliver rings.

    "I'm the girlfriend!" she hummed, her deep, velvety voice matching her features.

    You bowed in return before shaking her hand politely.

    "So nice to meet you," you smiled, "I'm -

    "The soulmate," she cut you off, glancing over your shoulder at Namjoon, who still stood outside the pavilion, "of that weirdo." '

Namjoon circled around to the entrance of the pavilion before joining you with a wry smile. He introduced the two of you formally, before being the first to take a seat at the table. Hyung-seo joined him, shimmying her cushion closer to Namjoon's as she used a pair of chopsticks to load her plate with selections from the spread. 

    "Oh my god, I'm STARVING," she gushed, staring at Namjoon impatiently as he took a bit of kimchi fried rice and a few slices of samgyeobsal.

    "My stomach feels like it could take some real food for the first time in a while," he said with eager enthusiasm, glancing up at you with a smile of gratitude. 

    Hyung-seo tapped her chopsticks against her plate as she watched you survey the dishes before you. You took some kimchi fried rice and carefully ladled out a small bowl of doenjang-jjigae. You pulled your hands into your lap and watched the steam rise from the fragrant broth.

    "Ah, unnie..." Hyung-seo began before Namjoon shushed her and lightly tapped her knee.

You glanced between them in confusion. Namjoon merely smiled at you, and you smiled back, glancing down from his warm gaze to your plate.

    "Oh for the love of god, would you take a bite?"

    You looked up rather startled at Hyung-seo, who was leaned forward, her desperate eyes tracking your movements, and the chopsticks clutched in her right hand hovering over a plump, sweating mandu.

You blinked, fumbling for your chopsticks as your soulmate admonished the woman next to him. You took a heap of fried rice onto your chopsticks and brought it to your lips, looking questioningly between the two across from you. Hyung-seo groaned in impatience, her head lolling back.   

    "In Korea, the eldest eats first," Namjoon offered in soft explanation, his features trained in apology.

    As realization washed over you, you all but shoved the rice into your mouth, hoping to swallow your embarrassment with it, followed quickly by Hyung-seo, who popped two mandu into her mouth consecutively. Her eyes rolled back as she let out a groan of appreciation. You watched Namjoon carefully savor a piece of samgyeobsal. He smiled a dimpled smile. You smiled to yourself as you tucked into your fried rice. Namjoon's fiancée watched you both. Her cheeks were full, but she wasn't smiling.

Your little trio ate in contented silence until your visitor, having satisfied her belly, fixed her eyes on you with a different sort of eagerness. The time for questions had come, you realized. You set down your chopsticks, taking a drink of water.

    "I'm sure there is so much we'd like to know about each other," you offered with a smile.

    She pulled her lips into a brief grin, sipping from her own glass as her eyes trailed over you. You cleared your throat.

    "So, I read that y-"

    "How does it feel?" she interrupted, starring at you raptly. You blinked.

    "I'm sorry?"

    "When he touches you." She licked her lips. "I heard it's like cumming. I heard it's better."

Namjoon slid a large hand over her thigh. You saw it squeeze.

    "Jagiya..." he murmured.

    You glanced at him and gave him a reassuring grin which he returned, though not as readily as before. Not the start to the conversation you had hoped for, but she was living up to her brusque reputation. You let yourself laugh a little at the question, and saw Hyung-seo's mouth curl up a bit at the corners, though it didn't reach her eyes.

    "It's nothing like sex, actually," you mused, trying to be as forthcoming as possible without abandoning politeness. "Strange, I guess, because it is all about physical exchange and contact. But...it's more like...nourishment? I don't know...I haven't had long enough to think about it."

You had had quite long enough to know that it was ineffable, but in the most intoxicating, magnificent way - and a hell of a lot better than most of the sex you'd had. This, however, wasn't the time and place for descriptions of the bond that could be ripped from the pages of drugstore romance novels.

    You found yourself turning to Namjoon with a questioning gaze, as if to ask if he had anything to add. He nodded in response, not meeting your eyes.

    "Yeah, it's different," he murmured succinctly.  

    Hyung-seo hummed in assent, chewing on her lip, her gaze still roving over you. You decided to try again.

    "So how did you m-"

    "How do you do it?"

    You stifled a small sigh that threatened to escape your lips.

    "Do what?"

    "Use the bond. Like, do you hold hands, or...or what?"

    You looked to Namjoon who murmured something in Korean that sounded like a warning. This wasn't going as you'd hoped. Her questions were natural ones, but not the first you thought you'd be asked, and not so pointedly. In fact, they were ones she should probably have put to her partner. Had they not spoken since you arrived?

    "The bond works with any physical contact. When I first got here, I had so many questions myself. The hospital personnel were very informative while helping us navigate our questions. I still know very little, but as someone whose partner is bonded, I'm sure they would have someone who could better answer these types of questions than I can," you offered.

It was the opposite of forthcoming, but you were absolutely not prepared to launch into a conversation about you and her fiancé spooning in your undergarments. The trajectory of the exchange had to go elsewhere, so you resolved to take the wheel.

    "Is there anything you'd like to know about me? Maybe I could tell you a little about myself. My job in the states wasn't glamorous, but I loved it. I was -"

    "A social worker, I know," she murmured with a sigh, and Namjoon's head snapped toward her.     

You could feel your confusion pulling into a frown. In your beat of silence, the woman in front of you gave into another impulse as she placidly launched into an answer of your unasked question.

    "You're a social worker from the West coast, oldest of three kids. Your father died when you were ten. You graduated summa cum laude, and chose a career in women's services. You support your mother's living - you have been, long-term. Your brother is an engineer and your sister is in nursing school. You've never committed any crimes, but you were arrested once in college at some political protest about immigrant rights. Your blood type is O positive. You don't seem very good with your money, but you've never asked for financial assistance. You've never been married." 

    Silence.

    Your ears were ringing.

    You blinked as you tried to focus, grappling for something on which to stabilize your composure. This isn't how this was supposed to go. You felt your control slipping as the words pierced you in echoes that knocked you back down each time you reached out to steady your mind. 

    "Your father died when you were young..."

    "...You support your mother's living..."

    "...You don't seem very good with your money"

    Your mind whirred as the silence closed in, and for a moment you were suspended.

        Diana and Henry weren't pillars, you thought - they were tiny little babies as your mother clutched them on either side of her prone, shaking form as shovels of dirt were shifted back into the gaping hole that held a pine box covered in flowers. You looked down at the flag in your hands, and then up at the white flowers, still fresh and blooming, being caked and sodden with damp soil. You felt something rising up in your chest - something that never reached the surface. You turned from the wound in the earth as Dianna reached out and tugged at your arm. The babies looked afraid. You couldn't see your mother's face from where it was buried in her skirts. You tucked the flag reverently under your arm and took the little hands.

    Somewhere outside the amniotic sack of your mind, you saw Namjoon's figure stand. You heard his garbled voice speak to the woman beside him. He was angry, his voice pitched low. Hers in response was sharp and high.

    You took a deep breath and exhaled. Your chest was beginning to labor and your inhaler was on the fifth floor of a building on the other side of the property.

You willed yourself back into this world you had chosen. This place which, like the others you had inhabited, would discover its new tenant didn't take long to adapt. She was built to withstand.

    "Namjoon," you called softly, as you looked up at your soulmate. His eyes snapped to yours, his face showing subtle but unmistakable signs of distress - eyes reflecting remorsefully and jaw flexing.

You smiled at him gently, reassuringly.

    "It's alright," you insisted, your eyes not leaving his.

You saw his shoulders sag, and his head bow. His hand came up to scrub over his face. You realized then that she was looking at you. Hyung-seo's expression was apprehensive, her eyes scouring your face.

    "This must be an extremely difficult thing for you, whatever the reason," you offered earnestly.

    She regarded you in silence, her eyes flickering like the flame of a candle.

    "I would say, 'I understand', but I don't. I have no idea how hard it must be to fall in love with someone only to watch them suffer at the hands of disease, and to suffer so greatly and to come so close to losing them that you turn to finding a person who can save them, and who - if they are saved by - they will need and desire for the rest of their natural life. A person who isn't you." 

    Her eyes quivered as they held you in their gaze.

    "I know I'm supposed to be a saving grace," you continued, having gained your ground, "But I know I could also look a lot like a threat. Trust me when I say that you can be open and honest with me about how you feel. This is a difficult situation where we're going to feel burdened by things we shouldn't. Namjoon and I discussed this."

    You smiled again at your soulmate, who was watching you with relief and something else in his features. You wanted to call it admiration, but you had only known him for two whole days.

    "Whatever fears you're carrying that make you feel like a burden in this moment, could I ask you to set them aside? For a chance to get to know me in the real way that you deserve? This isn't a trap. Or a cage. We've all chosen to be here."

    You regarded Hyung-seo in the silence that followed. Her eyes had fallen from your face - they glanced over toward where Namjoon stood, barely raising toward his figure, when she suddenly dropped her face into her hands and began shaking with sobs.

    You let out a sigh of relief too soft to be heard by the others.

    "Fuck...." Hyung-seo choked out against her palms, "I'm such a piece of shit..."

    Namjoon moved to place a hand over her back and assure her she wasn't. You wondered what she felt when he touched her. Your heart ached with pity for her. Namjoon drew her into his chest and held her as she cried her makeup off. He stroked her hair as her regarded her with weary, worried eyes. You couldn't help but feel that you were encroaching on a private moment...expect that you were a part of this as much as they were. Was there a lifetime of this feeling to be endured? You sighed again.

    "I'm gonna give you guys a minute," you whispered as you clambered to your feet.

    Namjoon nodded silently over the woman in his arms. 

    You watched scattered leaves from the boughs overhanging the far side of the stream spin as the were swept away. Your eyes tracked one in particular, twirling as it sailed around a protruding rock and under an arching root, only to be stopped as it was doubled at the middle by a thin, swaying reed. You found your feet moving to where the water rushed around it as it billowed helplessly on both sides of its obstruction like a flag of surrender. You slipped off your shoes and rolled up your pants. You waded into the cool, clear water and, reaching out, tugged the little leaf free. You watched as it sailed on, disappearing around a bend in the waterway. You glanced back up at the pavilion. If you could have been sure it was the right move, you would have left altogether, but you wouldn't want your sudden departure to be taken the wrong way.

    You sighed. You pulled your phone out of your back pocket as you waded back out of the stream. Dead. You were bad about keeping it charged, and your conversation with Diana had drained its aged battery. You wished you had a book. Glancing about, your eyes caught a fairly large patch of clover flowers a few yards down the bank, and crossing the soft grass, you sank down in its center.

You smiled weakly to yourself as you plucked one of the little white buds near the base of its stem. You and your siblings would spend hours at the park under the shade turning sprawling patches of the puffy blooms into garlands, crowns, bracelets, and rings. You picked another flower and tied its supple stem into a knot just under the other flower's head. 

    By the time Namjoon came to join you, sinking down across from you in little clover patch you had fashioned yourself a crown and a necklace, and were working on a garland to send to Diana. You set down your handiwork to look up at him. He was regarding you with soft, somber eyes and a little smile that looked like one he didn't have the energy for but couldn't help besides. He picked a flower and twirled it between his fingers.

    "I'm so sorry," he murmured, "If I would have thought that things would go that way, I wouldn't have insisted on her meeting you before she left. She's going on tour and I thought...well, I thought if she just met you her anxieties would be eased."

    You nodded thoughtfully.

    "Thank you for your patience and kindness. She was out of line saying those things to you like that...you were...that was everything she needed to hear, I think."

    You cast your eyes down as you tied off another knot in the garland.

    "Is she okay?" you asked quietly.

    Namjoon sighed.

    "She's...embarrassed. Ashamed of herself. She wasn't in any condition to finish that conversation, so I suggested she go home."

    "Understandable," you assented, nodding again.

    Silence hung between you for a moment before you raised your eyes to his again.

    "Namjoon...there are some things I think we should discuss."

    He nodded earnestly, his eyes falling, brow creasing and tongue pressing into his cheek.

    "I know we haven't had much time," you continued, "And we have literally the rest of our lives...but, I think we should be on the same page about what we've been told about each other. I think it will make this whole process easier? I don't know. There are some things you assume you'll have to tell someone at a certain point in knowing them - some things that are...deeply personal..."

    "Aren't things between us already that way? Deeply personal?"

    You looked up and those half-lidded brown eyes were looking right at you in a way you weren't prepared for, in a way that flooded your veins. Soulmate. You wanted to touch him. You wanted to feel him and what he brought to you. You wanted him to feel it too. But you didn't know him, and he didn't know you, and he needed healing, which is why you were here. He loved someone who loved him whose lives you were disrupting. This feeling was basal, you knew - came with the territory...but you were going to need some strong boundaries if this was going to function. You were going to need honesty, for a start.

   "They are," you relented slowly, "But I have questions that I need answers to. Your trust in me is clear, and I appreciate that...but...I need time to get my footing here."

    Namjoon nodded in assent.

    "I get that. So, what do you want to know, specifically? I'll answer any question you have."

    You nodded gratefully.

    "Thank you. Do you think I could take a little time to think about what I want to ask? I'm kind of still processing everything that just happened."

    "Of course," he was quick to answer, "Whenever you want to talk, just let me know. Did I say how sorry I am?" he asked smiling weakly as he looked up from where he struggled to knot the stem of one flower around another, suddenly looking down again when its stem snapped between his fingers.

    You huffed out a little laugh.

    "Yes, you did," you did, you answered, offering him a rueful grin.

    He picked another flower only to realize he had cut its stem too short for his purposes. He tossed the little blossoms back into the grass.

    "Can you make me one?" he asked pathetically, pouting at the garland in your hands.

    You chuckled as you tied off the one in your lap and leaned forward to slip it over his head. He adjusted it around his neck, looking down at it with a pleased expression.

    "You know...if you can believe it, we actually got lucky in there," he smirked, his forehead creasing as he raised his brow.

    You gave him a look of confusion. His eyes trailed over your torso again before flitting back up to yours.

    "She didn't notice that you're wearing my sweater."

    You froze. Then you blinked down at the giant green cardigan that had, in fact, slipped down off of one shoulder. Then you gaped at him.

    He snickered.

    You scrambled to yank the sweater over your head, even as he laughed and protested, you blustered apology after expletive after apology.

    "Shit, it was in my laundry bag!" You whined in explanation as you shook it out and began to fold it in your lap.

    "Stop, just keep it on," Namjoon insisted, still clearly amused at your state of panic.

    "I have one just like this. Like, identical but obviously smaller. I just assumed it had stretched out in the wash..." You extended the sweater toward him.

    He shook his head.

    "Just give it back later, you'll be cold." He looked up at your exasperated expression and started laughing again.

    "Stooop..." you whined in embarrassment, and when he only laughed harder, you tossed the sweater in his face. As he balled it up with a smile where it fell down into his lap, his smart watch trilled. He glanced down at it.

    "I've got labs scheduled now," he sighed.

    "Hopefully they'll bring more good news," you offered, at which he nodded. "I seem to be getting the job done, if I do say so myself," you teased, leaning back on your hands and offering him a smug look.

He nodded, tongue in his cheek, then pushed to stand - with effort, you noticed - and extended a hand down to you. You didn't realize what the little smile on his mouth was for until you accepted his hand with your own, by habit, and were nearly knocked back off your feet as the bond surged through you like a wave of mind-numbing euphoria that left you unable to process information outside of what was sent coursing through your every cell from where he touched you.

    You blinked up at him as you got your wits about you, and he was looking down at you through little slits in his barely-open eyes, head tilted back and mouth hanging open - little smirk still tugging at its corner. You pursed your lips, trying not to grin back.

    "You did that on purpose," you chided, trying and failing to train your features in a scowl.

    His smirk deepened.

    "What? I was just being courteous..."

    You rolled your eyes.

    "I'm feeling a little weak, I think it would be best if you helped me back to the room," he muttered slyly, turning to head back toward the building.

The smile that was dimpling his cheek and creasing the corners of his eyes did something to your stomach that had you yanking your hand out of his grasp.

    "Yeah, right," you huffed, forging a few steps ahead of him, "You're putting a lot by your poorly reputed coordination to think you could walk while I was touching you." 

    He let out a laugh behind you. It was loud and bright and had you biting back a smile to match it.

    "What happened to getting the job done, sweater thief?" he called after you teasingly.

    Shit. Yeah. Boundaries. You were going to need them.

_________________________________________________

Well, they met! Next part to follow soon.

Thank you for sticking with me here!

Tag list: @butterymin @little-dark-empress @aretha170 @kamilamb @jlee97 @thephotoend @callmenoona25 @felicityroth @softforyoongles @berlianv @honneypies @deadrose287 @n0pesir

[secretdiaryofcrowley]

Where we left off:

Nina, purveyor of coffee, whirling into the scene like a thunderstorm, woke our hero from his precious sleep (and a weird dream) to give him - me - another telling-off.

She's quite scary when she's angry. Not demon scary, but most definitely human scary.

"Do you even understand how all of this affects Maggie?" I'm not surprised at the burst of emotion in her voice as she says the name.

"She's been worried sick about you! Trying to write to you, trying to call you, and some days even waiting by your car for you to wake up, so she could make sure you're all right."

"I'm not." How does she even find me? I drive around and park the Bentley in different places every couple of days.

"We KNOW. Do you think none of us has gone through breakup before?"

Well, maybe you have. I certainly haven't. I don't do relationships and I have no idea how to process this. Except for drinking, sleeping and curling up in a little snake ball of pain.

"Of course it's bad. It hurts like hell..."

Worse. Speaking from experience here.

"... and you have every right to be sad and mopey and angry, but stop shutting out your friends. Talk to us! At least let us know where you are and what's going on."

"I don't have friends. Never wanted friends. Completely friendless person, me."

She sighs. "Yes, you're a devil and you're evil, blah blah blah, real man solves his problems on his own. Heard all of that before, except maybe the devil part. But you've got to realize that your actions have consequences for others. You're not alone in this world."

But I am.

I've always been alone. For 6000 years on this godforsaken planet, doing the bidding of my ridiculous headoffice and trying not to go completely insane. Using every excuse to be close to my angel and every excuse not to get too close, so we wouldn't be in trouble. Missing him after every encounter, every meeting, every conversation. Sometimes positively yearning for his presence, but never ever being able to act on it.

Because that's just the way things are.

I was alone the last time I hit rock bottom. Healing one step at a time, slowly piecing myself together after my 33 years of torture. Because I allowed myself to save one human soul and got caught at it. One. Single. Human. Soul.

No good deed goes unpunished.

I never had anyone to talk to because angels are my enemies, demons are my rivals and humans wouldn't be able to shoulder all this bullshit that's been going on with me. And God doesn’t answer to any of us.

And yet, Nina has the nerve to come here, shake me awake and tell me that I'm not alone? That I’m supposed to 'talk about it'? Throw overboard all my harshly earned survival skills because now apparently, I have friends?

No, absolutely not. I don't make 'friends' with other people. It's not something demons - the word is demon, not devil - do. You can stop pretending to care now and walk away.

She doesn’t.

Instead, she throws my very own words back at me. “For once in your life trust somebody!”

~ * ~

More Diary Parts

1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 13 / 14 / 15 / 16 / 17 / 18 / 19 / 20 / 21

[tw1nkee28]

Hey I have a small question, I’m not shipping anyone, but I’m wondering are Dawn and Jack friends or does Jack hate the hell out of Dawn, or they best friends, love hate friendship, or do they possibly have a thing for each other

I’m not shipping anyone, I’m just curious if I need to change the way Jack acts around Dawn in my videos, also to see if I need to stop the way Jack acts with Dawn in my memes or videos, or how Dawn acts with Jack in my videos and meme

(Sorry if this bothered you or upset you in anyway, I’m just wondering for future posts)

(I think I spelled everything correctly😓)

You're perfectly fine! No worries, I don't mind shipping or anything as long as it isn't weird or genuinely bad. I love getting asks and questions about my little guys, don't worry 🫶

(lots of words below cut)

Now, in terms of dynamic? They know each other, they've interacted a bunch and are friendly with each other, but I don't believe they're ... Close per say.

Don't get me wrong, I believe they'd be considered acquaintances, 'friends' at best. But they also don't interact with each other enough to be considered genuine friends. Mainly because Dawn avoids the med bay and any medical professionals or places, not because he has a problem with the people, but because he hasn't had positive experiences with medical settings in the past. And since he completely avoids the med bay and claims he's fine even when he is very obviously seriously injured, he is one of Jack's most difficult patients.

How they would interact? Mhhh, I think they'd get along outside of anything medical related. They're both laid back generally and "quiet" I guess, though Dawn is much more quiet. Jack talks a bunch when he gets comfortable or when someone gets him going, quiet any other time. The two have SOME things in common, enough to find common ground for conversation. They both get annoyed with people easily, both can cook, both hate florescent lights (for very different reasons), etc etc.

So it's more of a "You're a pain in my ass, but I deal with you" dynamic, they've had their intimate moments cause poly shadow company is very real in my mind, but nothing romantic (Jack is aro, doesn't really feel romantic attraction to anyone but enjoys the attention). They're generally peaceful with each other, enjoying the silence and calm presence of one another when they're left alone, sometimes starting up conversation about whatever they can think of.

Jack pokes and prods at Dawn when the moment calls for it, like if he's blatantly avoiding him because his check-up's soon or if he did something stupid earlier that day. Jack cares deeply for all of the shadows and their safety, and he doesn't exclude Dawn. Checks up on everyone and him after every mission, and Dawn does the same but in more subtle ways. Doing physical acts of helping other people silently to check up on them or just sneaking a few glances at Jack after a long mission just to see if he's alright.

And I mean, Dawn could possibly have a thing for him in the future (?) unrequited love or something like that. But it also takes Dawn a long while to get to know people and develop any sort of feelings for them because of the walls he puts up, and they haven't really known each other for very long since technically Jack just recently joined SC. So I'll just put a big fat MAYBE on that for now HSGHF, but I will give you that they HAVE been intimate before, just not really romantically as I said before jshdh

Jack also appreciates Dawn because he never touches the lights in his office or messes with his stuff

- To simplify it, they're friendly with each other when they need to be. Not out-right friends, but close acquaintances. They have brief but nice interactions when they do interact.

Also, feel free to have them interact however you feel they should. I haven't spent too much time dwelling on how exactly their dynamic and relationship works, so this is subject to change. I also like seeing other people's takes on them !!

I tend to make my characters boring with their interactions, especially Dawn. I promise I don't mean to, his boringness is a trauma response 😭

Thanks for the ask 🫶

[wosomarvel]

communication - 01

a/n: alright, here's the first chapter! this story has been in my head for a while, and it is nice to get it out into an actual piece of work. i'm not the most experienced writer, so bear with me here. i'll also be slow to update because i start college tomorrow and i've got a full course load!

feel free to send me any comments or feedback! i'd really appreciate it.

warnings: none

-----

sim sighed, mustering up any remaining courage she could.

"go on," the soft voice of the team's head coach urged, nudging her gently. tightening her grip on the knob of her crutch, sim pushed the door open and took a few tentative steps into the locker room. she let out the breath she was holding, realizing that none of them had yet noticed her presence.

sim took a moment to absorb the sight in front of her. the lionesses, in all their glory, having a laugh as one millie bright held a training shirt out of the reaches of ella toone, a smirk on her face as the younger (and shorter) footballer jumped up and down.

"hey, girls," sarina called out to the room, gathering the attention of group. a hush fell over the group as they turned toward the locker room entrance. "we've found someone to fill the position of social media manager. this is sim," the woman said, motioning for sim to step forward.

taking in a deep breath, she waved shyly, letting out a soft "hi" in greeting. the weight of the team's gaze rested heavy on the young girl, speculative eyes analyzing her figure. though sim wasn't going to actually play on the team, she was aware that her role as the social media manager meant she'd be spending quite a bit of time with these girls, following them around training and travelling with them to matches and camps. she desperately wanted to be liked by them, if not for her own personal sense of validation, then at least for the fact that it would make her job much easier.

ella toone was the first one to speak. "what's with the crutch?" the question was quickly followed by a sharp squeak, as millie elbowed the girl in her side, the rest of the girls letting out an exasperated sigh at the invasive question.

sim's lips quirked up in a smile, the worry in her chest easing a bit. this will be a riot, she thought to herself.

"jesus, ella, we told you to be normal," sim heard someone speak out.

"no, no, it's alright. honestly, i'd much rather you ask me to my face instead of just whispering about it behind my back," she said, a hint of confidence projecting her voice around the room. "i took a bit of a fall playing rugby a year or so back. haven't been able to walk right without the crutch or a knee brace since."

"see? at least someone here appreciates my curiosity!" ella threw her hands up in the air.

"lack of tact, more like," rachel muttered under her breath.

"hey, if i'm going to be following you lot around with a camera all the time, it's only fair that you know a few things about me as well," sim defended.

ella rushed up, throwing an arm around sim's shoulders, pulling the girl into her side. sim tensed slightly at the contact, but relaxed when ella called out to the room, "see, i already like this one."

"alright, that's enough," sarina interjected. "ella, since you're so taken with sim, you can show her around the practice facility and help her find her office. alessia, you'd better go with. i'm not sure i trust tooney on her own." ella whined at the dig, but steered sim out of the locker room without much protest. "rachel, millie, leah, follow me. i need a quick word."

the three girls shared a confused look as they followed their coach out into the hall. "look, i don't know what we're supposed to have done, but-"

"you're not in trouble," sarina cut rachel off. "you three are natural leaders on this squad so i'm coming to you first. one of sim's professors from her last year of university referred her for the position. she's not very... experienced. she's only a year out of university, but her professor and i go way back and he asked me to pull a few strings." sarina paused for a breath, not missing the increasingly confused looks the younger girls shared.

"right, what's that got to do with us?" leah queried, cocking her head to the side.

"her professor, thomas, asked me to look out for her. he didn't say much, but just make sure sim feels welcome, alright? i know she's not going to be on the pitch with you, but it would mean a lot if you just put in some effort." the manager didn't say anything else before walking in the direction of the pitch.

"she's so cryptic sometimes," rachel groaned.

"are we meant to babysit her or something?" added leah, leaning against the doorframe into the locker room.

an inquisitive frown took over millie's face. "coach was definitely being weird just now, but it's not a big ask. you guys know how important every role is on the team, from equipment manager to captain on the pitch. let's just show the kid a little extra love, yeah?"

the others nodded before turning to head back into the locker room to don their training kits.

-

"so you said you took an awkward fall, but i still don't quite understand how that leads to an injury so severe-" ella was cut off by yet another elbow to the side, this time coming from one alessia russo.

"she just got here and you've already started an interrogation!" alessia exclaimed.

"why is everyone so determined to punish my curiosity?" ella demanded. sim chuckled at the banter between the two blondes.

they were currently walking along the sidelines of one of the many practice pitches. she was enjoying taking on a more passive role at the moment, listening to her two tour guides bicker as she took in the environment. occasionally, they would point out attractions and talk about different parts of the facility. sim was content to feel the grass crunch below her feet and the light breeze on her face. she longed to be back on the field, passing a ball around or running tackling drills. she silently cursed her bad leg before deciding to put an end to the ensuing argument going on around her.

"it was raining quite a bit that day. it would've been fine, but we also happened to be playing on an absolutely shit pitch. i turned to offload the ball but my boot was stuck, so it was like the rest of my body pivoted while my right knee and down stayed put. add to that the fact that the defender slipped in the mud and landed her tackle below my knees instead of above, and it was a recipe for disaster. meniscus, ACL, MCL, all of it was just wrecked," the new hire explained.

sim saw the two forwards cringe in her periphery. "i'm so sorry," alessia said softly, reaching out to set a hand on sim's shoulder.

"it's not a huge deal. no point dwelling on the past right?" sim replied, sending alessia a tight-lipped smile as she shrugged her hand away.

in actuality, it was a massive deal. sim had loved rugby for as long as she could remember. the pitch was her refuge. when she was out on the field, nothing else mattered except getting the next try, making the conversion, getting good hits, and supporting her teammates. but it hurt too much to think about her nonexistent rugby career, so sim carried on as if nothing had changed. as well as she could with a permanently fucked up knee, anyway.

alessia couldn't imagine the pain sim had had to go through, physically and mentally. recovery from an injury like that couldn't be easy, and she couldn't fathom not playing the game she loved so dearly.

the two were pulled out of their thoughts by ella's next question. "so want to see the meal room or the recovery pool next?"

-----

contigo jenni

[becomingkatie]

Theo is still not doing great. Now that we've been tracking his every litterbox attempt, it's clear that pooping is more of the trouble than peeing. He's peeing about twice a day, but only pooping every three days, and mostly outside the litterbox. Lots of going in and out of the litterbox before every pee and poop, having to try for each. It's heartbreaking, and he's on an all-wet food diet now to boost his hydration, and the vet recommended some additional supplements for his joints (he definitely has some pain) and his urinary tract in addition to pain medications in the hopes that some of the troubles are just that it hurts him to assume the position and not that something worse is wrong internally. But as more time goes on and he doesn't improve, it just gets hard. And of course putting the medicine in his food makes him not want to eat the food, and he won't take pill pockets anymore. He's tired of it. We're tired of it.

We didn't travel for Christmas like we'd planned, because we can't leave him with a sitter and feel comfortable right now. I still haven't mailed my brother and his wife their presents - since we were going to drive, there was no time pressure to prepare, and then when we cancelled our plans everything felt chaotic and I need to actually get them in the mail asap. I finally wrapped all but one, and that one is a mock-up of the pottery stamp and I had to wait for the paint to dry before I could wrap it. I wanted to make something for him to unwrap, but didn't want to buy it without talking with him first so he can decide what the stamp actually has on it, whether it's his signature or a logo or something else.

Since we can't really travel right now and she's semi-retired, my mom is coming to visit us. She's coming up today and staying three nights. It's a long drive at over eight hours. Not as long as the drive I used to make from here down to where she and my dad lived, but still not a fun solo drive. I'm very grateful she's making that drive just to see us, and I'm excited to give her her presents and hug her and have her see Theo. Part of me feels guilty for not traveling and feels like if she sees us mixing medicine into his food multiple times a day, tracking every litter usage, she'll be like "of course you couldn't travel!" Even though she and my brother were already like "do not worry! your cat is sick! stay home and do what you need to! we'll see you when we see you!" and didn't make us feel bad about it.

I'm trying to come up with some ideas for what to do while she's here. I've got food mostly figured out but not activities.

I've also been in a BAD MOOD lately, and I think a lot of it is that the year is ending and a new year is starting and I just feel like I failed this year? Like I feel disappointed in myself for not getting my next book finished and published, and instead of getting in better shape I slid into worse shape, and my head is just a really negative space right now. And when your own head is a negative space, that negativity leaks out. I keep a wall calendar specifically so I can look back at the end of the year and see all the things I did - remember that I started a writing group, that I played DND for the first time, that I grew carrots and turned them into cake, etc. So after Mom leaves when I have some alone time it's imperative that I spend some time turning this headspace around so I can stop spewing negativity. I'm not even enjoying being in my own presence, so I know Ken can't be enjoying it.

This has been... way more negative of a post than I realized! But the wrapping paper I bought this year is super cute, the gift I'm making for my best friend Molly is coming along adorably and I'm really excited to post pics here after I send it to her, and I have a consultation at the hair salon later to talk about cutting my hair and dying it pink! There's good!

[demon-country]

You know I haven't seen anyone address the fact that Stolas hasn't told Blitz or anyone that Stella hired Striker. And it make me wonder is it because he doesn't want to worry anyone or does he think no one will care? Honestly either way is heartbreaking.

You're right, I haven't seen any meta about it either, although truthfully I'm pretty new to the fandom so I might've just missed any discussions about it when the episode came out. I've seen it explored a few times in fics though!

As for my own thoughts on it, I think there's a good chance it might be because he thinks no one will care. Although, I'm positive that he hasn't told Octavia about it because he doesn't want to ruin whatever relationship she has with her mother. He wants her to have a family, and to him that has always meant sheltering her from all of his abuse and likely his depression too.

As for everyone else, well his problem is probably two-fold. For one thing, Stolas is used to people either ignoring or laughing at the way Stella treats him, as shown in The Circus when no one seemed bothered by her publicly humiliating him. He, like many abuse survivors and male survivors in particular, is probably deeply ashamed of his abuse. You'll notice that he doesn't seem to have told anyone about that either. This is an extension of her abuse, and he might not know how to talk about something he's kept hidden for so long, even though it's now a direct threat to his life. Or perhaps he thinks that because she called it off, it means she's no longer interested in killing him and therefore it doesn't matter.

For another thing, well, like I've said before, Stolas has been braced for Blitz's rejection for quite some time. This likely solidified when Blitz both acted very nonchalant on the phone during his kidnapping and never came to see him in the hospital. In fact, I think the implication was that no one visited him in the hospital, save maybe Octavia. He has no friends, likely no family besides Octavia who cares about him, no support system at all, and the man he reached out to for help doesn't seem interested in personally helping or even interacting with him (we as an audience know Blitz's very good reasons for his avoidance, but unfortunately Stolas does not). Stolas might not think Blitz would actually care about who ordered the hit, especially since it was called off and isn't likely to be an issue anymore.

And notice how Stolas starts his call with Blitz with an apology. I think that now that Stolas has 'realized' that Blitz has been completely unhappy with their deal and might not want him back (both are largely untrue, but Blitz was so good at masking it that Stolas now believes the lies), he has stopped all of his flirtation entirely and let his very low self-esteem win. When you're depressed, it's very common to think that you're being a burden to those around you, and that's amplified when you've been abused and told you're a burden. So you feel the need to apologize whenever you ask for help or impose upon someone's time, and when you say "I'm sorry for calling again at a bad time," there's often an unspoken "I'm sorry for burdening you with my problems and presence, I'm sorry to have to ask this of you," tacked onto it.

So yeah, while we know that Blitz cares about him so fucking much and would absolutely want to kill Stella for daring to go after Stolas, Stolas... doesn't. And after Apology Tour, he's convinced that Blitz gives exactly zero shits about him or what happens to him.

This is likely something that no one is going to know about until the choice is taken out of his hands and forcibly exposed. He won't tell Octavia, because he doesn't want to worry her or show her the dark truth of his and Stella's relationship. He won't tell anyone else, because he doesn't think they'll care.

It is heartbreaking, and I can't wait for the truth to come out. Thank you for the ask, I love talking about meta!

[rozieramati]

Do you ever worry about being so active as a diy artist on social media? Like, that it deprives you of the mystique that artists of past generations have thrived off of? Also what advice do you have for someone who struggles to cry

this is something i think about a lot. i have tons to say on it.

the answer is sometimes, but then i remember all the artists that became famous off of myspace and how everyone forgot. frank ocean used to be active on twitter and tumblr, the weeknd, tyler the creator used to troll the internet incessantly, but people forgot. tyler especially, i feel like maintains a sense of mystique and public- perception renewal despite his past.

i view it like this, people can have access to this time in my life, in the small ways i allow them to, for the sake of the music and being able to create a career in my favor. the industry is terrible right now. the only way to generate any fan base is if you're rich and have connections, or if you find a way to promote your stuff on social media.

regardless i think generally people forget. i also see this time of my career as an opportunity to be as active as possible before i can't anymore. i haven't released a project yet and only started releasing music last year. i'm a baby in the grand scheme of things, i have the rest of my life to be mysterious. though, i think the first step in ruining mystique is trying to be mysterious in the first place.

it's pretty interesting though, despite putting myself online people still seem to maintain that i'm a "mysterious" person in real life. i don't know what makes me mysterious to the people i meet. social media, to me at least, is very un-real. no one knows the real me even though i am online so much. i do keep a lot to myself. i think if anyone wanted to get to know me i would have to write them letters consecutively, or they would have to read my diaries, or listen to my album with the deep intent to understand me. even still, i've only been around one or two people in my life that i feel like really know me.

mystique is more of a natural energy that one gives off, in my opinion. anyone can create mystique simply by inviting confusion into the equation. most of the songs on my album are pretty experimental and forward-thinking. that mixed with the social media presence tends to confuse people. i could very easily shut up online and instead assume a position of importance. but i really don't care to, at least not right now. the reason i make music at all is to connect with people. i think the only way to real true success is to give to the people who are the foundation, the people at the beginning. my beginning is now, so i intend to give now.

when artists get so caught up in being mysterious, i find it's more of an ego battle than it is anything else. the people that had a mystique in the past gained it by pure circumstance, and usually at the expense of their art. exhibit A: jai paul's first album being leaked. exhibit B: frank ocean having to release his first album, nostalgia ultra, for free because his label wouldn't clear the samples (which generated chatter.) it was never on purpose. artists these days are so caught up in being mysterious that it often brings them away from putting themselves out there, thus ruining their chance at achieving anything at all. you have to put yourself out there whether you like it or not. frank ocean would take action behind the scenes from what i know. he was a socialite, out at events and networking.

mystery comes with a price. i think once it's all said and done though, my digital footprint will contribute to a mystique in a way. i've had many phases on the internet. people re-discovering it all, if they do, will only add to the lore and make things more interesting.

if you struggle to cry, write a two page diary entry everyday for a week. write the most horrible things you can entertain, everything you hate about yourself, everything you hate about your parents, family, childhood, past friends or partners, write about everything you wish was different in your life. then, on the seventh day, chop five onions, wipe your eyes with the residue, and read it all back to yourself.

[spaghettificationandpretzels]

The Reaper and the Death Angel Part 56

Series Masterlist

Part 55

Contains:Angst, so much angst, forensic procedures, alcoholic parent and alcohol misuse, hurt/comfort, fluff.

7.1K Words

Comment if you want to be tagged/removed or follow #the reaper and the death angel.

Train wreck takes on a whole new meaning.

Jax felt you stiffen as the person got out and Sam positioned himself in front of Ima without thought, "what, was wrong darlin?" You didn't say anything, Jax could see you looking at the person in shock, trying to make sense of their presence, "who is that."

You looked at Jax, the expression on your face filled him with worry, "that's our father."

"What?" Jax tried to take a good look at the man currently walking over, you barely blinked as he stopped in front of everyone.

"What the fuck are you doing here, haven't we made it clear to you already that we don't want anything to do with you."

He held his hands up, "I won't be here long. I saw something from your work, you got engaged?"

You crossed your arms over your chest as Sam sent Ima away, "yep and Sam got married, you've missed plenty before and haven't care, why the interest, do you need a liver from someone?"

"I've been sober for three years, I just wanted to come and say hello."

Sam stepped closer, towering over him, "you've done that, now fuck off before I drag you out of here by your fucking teeth." The look on Jax's face could have killed him a million times over.

"You should listen to him, this is my property and you are no longer welcome here."

Your father turned on his heel with a sad expression on his face, "I'll be at the inn if you want to come and see me. I just want a few minutes of your time."

****

"What the fuck are we going to do? You know what he's like, he'll either be up to his eyes in gin within the day or he'll move here so he can make amends."

Sam hadn't stopped pacing, "I don't give two shits, he can rot in that no end motel for all I care."

"You want him chased out of town?" Jax was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, he hadn't stopped scowling.

"No, that will just make it worse. Just leave him be, he's never been one to stick at anything. When he realises we aren't going to cave and see him he'll leave."

Riiiiiiiiiing

"Fuck that's work." You walked away to Sam still at a ten. 

"Dude, you gotta calm down. From what you and y/n have said about the guy he won't be sticking around."

Sam huffed, "it's not just that, he pops up at times like this are tries to worm his way back into our lives. Last time this happened I had just made Lieutenant and y/n had just made the New York Times bestsellers list for the second time. He wants to be able to say he walked his only daughter down the aisle and that's it."

You rushing out of the other room in had them turning their attention to you, "what's wrong darlin?" 

"Train crash, it's very bad. I won't be home tonight, you'll probably see me on the news in the next few hours." Jax sighed and slid to the floor, his head in his hands. 

"Haven't they cut the funding to the firehouse?" 

Sam nodded, "yep, my guess is she'll be doing triage the second she gets there, so will the others. It just doesn't fucking end. Our father will be at her work next, saying he was her on TV and he's so proud of her, I'm willing to bet money on it." 

"Yeah, I'm willing to bet you're right." 

****

"What are we walking into." The fire chief, Wallace Boden raced by to you, "it's bad, the first car caught before we got there, the passenger manifest says there's a state senator in there."

You rubbed your face, "no survivors?"

Boden shook his head, "it doesn't look like it. We have at least fifty people needing help, can you spare some people?"

You nodded, "we'll all help, I've got more work to do if more people die. I'll send Jess and Jack to deal with the bodies at the front, Cam and I will help the living, you just tell us where to go."

Another firefighter, Casey, the truck Lieutenant, ran over with a fireproof jacket with Forensics written on it in big yellow letters, "how long's it been since you had to wear one of these?"

"Not long enough. Jess and Jack will be at the front helping remove the remains, is there is a state senator there, you need to keep the scene as intact as you can and I want Kelly on this, I know he's not arson but he's the only guy I trust not to fuck up my evidence."

Casey nodded, "all good, I guess we get to put all that training you gave us to use."

You smiled, "talk about cutting your teeth on glass, can we go back to when you were just putting out frat house fires?"

He huffed, "come on y/n, you love working with us. At least we're not cops."

You sighed, "they'll be here soon enough."

****

"Yeah, come in. Hap and Bobby are already here, Jax is putting some shit in the oven." Sam invited Juice inside, it had become a tradition after you were called to a serious incident with news coverage for everyone to show up at your house to watch.

It started as a way to keep Jax and Sam company since Jax tended to worry and Sam began to itch for the action he was missing out on but after a while, it morphed into a way to be there for you in the same way you were there for them.

"Look there's the lass." Chibs pointed to the screen as you helped carry someone to the triage area with a paramedic.

"It's bad, reports say she's there because a politician was in the front car." Juice had been on his phone looking for more information most of the night.

"The front car where no one lived, the one that hit the car that was rigged to blow up?" Kozik sounded worried.

"Yeah, it's going to be a long night."

****

"Fucking vultures, the press is already here." Gabby one of the paramedics, shook her head and helped you with another injured passenger.

"You're more than welcome to have at them, you can say what we're all thinking without getting into trouble. This guy isn't going to make it."

You nodded, "yeah, sucking chest wound and no one to get him to the hospital, he's a black tag for sure. Good old San Joaquin, they keep cutting funding and people keep dying."

She sighed, "you haven't been hit yet?"

You shrugged as you dropped the man off to be looked after, "of course we have, our whole Vikings in the US exhibit was dumped and so was our settlement program, we lost six amazing members of staff and I've had to find a new toxicologist."

"Shit, I liked Tim."

You sighed, "we all did. Anyway, we better get back in there before the cameras end up in our faces."

****

"Fox is going on about this being a terrorist attack."

Sam huffed, "get off the phone Juice, real reports say another person in the front carriage was a big shot banker, it looks like this is about the stock market."

"Shit, is it some international crime shit?" Happy tended to be outlandish sometimes.

"No, judging by the dude's portfolio, it was probably some wealthy CEO. I'm sure y/n will update us when she can, for now we should all start dinner."

****

It was finally time to load the bodies in the wagon when the press came to shove microphones and cameras in everyone's faces.

"Miss, your jacket says Forensics, why were you and your team helping the paramedics?"

"For one, it's doctor and two, in an emergency response situation, anyone trained in triage must prioritise the living." The short response sent that one person away but another just took their place.

"Can you give us a statement on the situation?"

You smiled, "is this live?"

Nods all around, "great, a situation is a burst pipe and a few busted cars, this is a tragedy and this tragedy happened because the district of San Joaquin has cut public funding while their officials take a pay rise. In the last six months, millions have been cut from both fire and ambulance and yet the people making those decisions have had salary increases. Nine people died today who would have lived had there been ambulances to take them to the hospital. You want a statement, here's my statement. Families members of the dead can have their lawyers contact me, I'll testify in their wrongful death suits."

"What about the firefighter and paramedics who were here today, are they at fault?" The glare you gave the reporter could have frozen hell.

"No, in fact, they are the only reason so many people lived today and they are the only reason I even have a crime scene to investigate. If it wasn't for them, many more people would be dead or permanently disabled. We all know what's going to happen after my statement, they will face serious backlash and so will my lab. By standing up for what is right and stating the facts, I have put a target on my back and the officials of San Joaquin are going to make my life and the lives of the people around me even harder."

****

"Your sister needs to go into politics. You realise she's just made sure that San Joaquin can't do anything now, she's just called them out in front of the media."

Jax chuckled, "well Bobby, you're more than welcome to be the one the suggest it to her."

Bobby made a face, "on second thoughts, I'd like to keep my head." The phone ringing with Jax's ringtone for you had them all relaxing.

"Hey darlin, you're on speaker."

Jax smiled at your chuckle, "let me guess, everyone is there?"

"You know no one can stay away when you're on the TV, also we ate all the chocolate."

You sighed, "that's alright. Things are pretty rough, all but fifteen of the bodies are easy to ID so that won't take much time. I'm going to get some of those done, then come home and get some sleep then back to work and start on the first class car. I have to go to the fire scene too so I can help with the arson guy. I'm not sure when I'll be home."

"You need anything for us darlin?" You could hear the relief in Jax's voice.

"Send anyone who's been drinking to the guest rooms tonight. You want the dirt deets about why it happened?"

There was a shout of yeses, "good Lord, I'll tell you, calm down. The first class car was filled with finance people going to a conference, the senator was a guest speaker. I spoke to the feds, they already have a few suspects. I'm going to be up to my eyeballs in FTC goons soon so I've got to go. I love you all."

After the goodbyes, you hung up to head back to work.

****

"Hey y/n, you're going to hate me." It was rare that Travis came into the lab to tell you there was someone waiting to come in but you were on the platform dealing with the bodies so he could buzz you from your office

"Travis, you know I could never hate you, who's at the front desk?" He pointed at the front through the glass doors.

"The district's RP representative, his name is Kyle and he would love to talk to you." You smiled and Travis knew that look well.

"I hope he has a strong stomach, you can send him in." Travis nodded, his smirk growing.

"I'll buzz him onto the platform you stay here and work, I give him a sick bag too." You went to say something and he huffed, "yeah yeah I know, thank you T, you're a lifesaver. I gotta get away from this stink."

Travis returned three minutes later with the man in tow, "I love to talk to you, can we go to your office."

You didn't even turn around to answer him, "we can do it here, doing your job will not get in the way of me doing mine. Travis will swipe you onto the platform, if you feel sick please use the bag you were provided." He looked at Travis who waved his hand.

"You heard the boss lady, up on the platform or you can wait here for hours for her to be done." The man stepped onto the platform after Travis swiped his car then he was walking over to the table you were working at.

"Ummm, I just wanted to talk to you about your statement and how we can help to fix all the issues you brought up." He sounded like he was going to be sick.

"I thought I made the fix pretty clear, take a cut to your pay and give it to public servants. I'm guessing you make two or three hundred thousand a year, how much are you willing to lose for to never happen again?"

"Miss." You cut him off.

"It's doctor and if you want to give me some hollow bullshit, you need to get lost. This body belonged to a fifteen year old boy, he could have lived but there weren't enough ambulances to get him to the hospital. Sure he'd have to spend a year in the burn unit but he would have lived, unless you want to give him back his stolen years I don't want to hear anything about money."

"We just wanted to let you know that we did some digging and found that some of our staff were being paid more than the standard, they have done the right thing and taken a pay cut so we can reinstate the ambulances and we're working on getting your museum back to the way it was before. Everything will be back to normal in no time and it would be great if you could make a statement supporting these changes."

"Let me get this straight, these staff were being paid so much, that paying them the normal rate will recovers ten of millions and you want me to make statement in support of you doing the right thing?" The man was getting greener by the second.

"Can we go into your office? I don't need to see this."

You removed your hands from inside the body, "how about this, I'll give you three options. Option one, I will retract my original statement and make one in support, if those officials come and spend the day with me. Option two, we just let this go, no more statements, no more anything. Option three, I make a statement saying that you came here and tried to shut me up and that you're so much of a coward that you can't stand to be in the same room as something you caused. Which one would you like to take?"

"I'm sorry Dr l/n, I see that you have a lot to deal with and I'm not going to take up any more of your time. As long as you raise issues with us before the press we'll be fine."

You pointed towards the door, "great, now leave or I'll change my mind."

****

"Please go in, she had a PR guy from district here the morning and she almost shoved his head into a dead body."

Jax raised a cup of coffee, "I figured you could use it considering you've been dealing with family members all day."

"Thanks man, has Ope said anything about your bachelor/bachelorette party?"

Jax shook his head, "nah, why?"

"I'm not saying anymore, we're all going to have a blast." Jax handed Travis the cup and walked into your office with a smile.

"Hello darlin, I bought coffee and flan."

"Oh I love you." Jax wrapped you in his arms with a chuckle.

"Are you saying that to me of the flan?"

"Both," you sat down and got stuck in, the sweet pudding easing the stress of the day.

"T told me about your visitor, you feeling stabby?"

You sighed, "what do you think." Another beep from the intercom had you dropping your head into your hands.

"The sperm donor is here, you want me to get rid of him." Jax looked like he wanted to kill someone.

"Send him in, he'll just wait outside if you don't." You reached across the desk and grabbed Jax's hand, "please just don't be all noble, I can handle him." Jax sat back with a huff and then the door opened.

"What are you doing here?"

He was sheepish, "I saw you on TV, I'm so proud of you, I just wanted to come and see where you worked."

"Fifteen years too late dad, it would have been nice to hear that when I got my first PhD or the fifth one."

He hung his head, "I know I missed out on everything, I just want you to hear me out."

"What there's to say that you haven't said every other time you got sober?" Jax was getting angrier and angrier by the second.

"I just want to take you and Sammy out to dinner, you can bring?" He raised his eyebrows in question.

"Jackson, my fiancé's name in Jackson. Sam wife's name is Ima."

He nodded, "ok, you can bring Jackson and Sammy can bring Ima. All I want is dinner, if you decide you don't want to see my after that I'll never talk to you again but unless you do I'm going to hang around until you change your mind."

"You never change do you, sober or not you're still a bully. I'll have dinner with you, if everyone else wants to come it's up to them. I'll come, I can't say the same for Sam and Ima." Your father relaxed and sat down in one of the chairs.

"This office is really nice, are you the boss here?" Jax lips were close to curling in a snarl.

"Yes and no, I'm the head of forensics and give all the orders but our boss is down the hall, he deals all the politics."

The sound of tiny feet bounding towards your office had your heart in your throat, the door opening just as Jax stood up to stop Abel in his tracks but it was too late.

"MUMMY, MUMMY. LOOK WHAT I MADE." You stood up and rushed to the door, taking his arms then closing it behind you.

Wendy was there looking worried, "what's going on?"

"My father is here, I don't want him anywhere near Abel. I need to ask a favour."

She took Abel's hand and got down to his level, "Mummy's very busy right now, can you go hand out with uncle T?" Abel smiled and raced off.

"Whatever you need."

"Thank you, he's going to ask what's going on. I just need you to wait out here, I'm going to tell him the truth and say it's your decision too but I don't want him around our child."

She nodded, "neither do I, I'd say no even if you and Jax were on board. From what you've told me he hasn't done enough to prove he should have access to you and Sam let alone Abel, I'll wait Abel you just call Travis and tell me when to come in."

"Thank you, you're amazing" You headed back inside, catching Jax telling your father that he wasn't going to say anything about it until you were back.

"You have a son?"

"I do, I adopted him when he was a few months old. Jax is his birth father and his birth mother is outside, she doesn't want you to meet out child and neither do I. In fact, you'll be meeting him over my dead body. If you want to hear it from her, she's ready to come in and tell you herself."

He waved his hand, "no, it's ok, I realise you might need time before you get there."

You clicked the intercom, "Travis, can you please give Abel and Wendy some cafe vouchers and send them for some afternoon tea?"

"Sure, Wendy's fine with that."

"I'll talk to Sam and Ima about dinner, do you have a number I can call?" He wrote it done on a slip of paper, "I'll be in touch, don't bother us unless I call. You need to go now, I have stuff to do and you're cutting into my time with my partner."

He left with a short goodbye, Jax reaching across the desk to hold your shaking hands, "you're fine. I'll talk to Sam and try to get him to come to dinner, if he does and that piece of shit doesn't go away, we can make him."

"Thank you, we're going to have to tell Abel the truth just in case. With any luck Wendy's already done it."

****

"No, fuck no. I'll go but there's no way I'm going to let him meet Ima."

Ima didn't like that, "that's not your choice, it's mine, I'll go. If it means he'll never come near us again, I'll go."

Sam threw his arms up in the air, "if he says one word about you I'm going to kill him."

"I'll make the call, Wendy let Abel know that he wasn't a safe person and that if Abel sees him that he should tell an adult, that's all I want him to know right now."

Jax sighed, "three parents are better than two. Abel's dead to the world right now, I'm going to get us all some ice cream."

****

"Seven on Saturday at The Blue Tavern. I need to go to the crime scene, please just call me if something goes wrong."

"The Blue Tavern, you packing your wallet in case he forgets his."

You huffed, "of course I am Sam. I really need to go."

"It's it getting a bit long the tooth?"

You rubbed your face, "the fire was forty hours ago, the firefighters cleared the area ten hours ago and the police are letting us in as of two hours ago, sure it should have been yesterday but I can't make people hurry."

"You wanna lift darlin?" You shook your head and hugged into Jax's side while Sam went to let Ima know about dinner.

"As much as I'd love you there for moral support, I need to take the lab van. This tops out at one of the worst weeks I have stateside, I want it to be over.

"It almost is, we'll be watching the news at the garage in case you want to ruffle more feathers."

"I love you so much Jax."

He pressed his lips to your forehead and ran his hand up and down your arm, "love you too, now go kick some ass."

****

"Hey Kelly, is everyone here doing overhaul?" He nodded, "wonderful, more hands if I need help. Can you take this side and I'll take that one, move from front to back, if you find any fleshy bits let me know and don't forget to call if you find something strange."

He chuckled, "I was in your class remember, I know what I'm doing."

"Yeah, I know. Just making sure in case all the heat you deal with fried your brain." There was no quip back which was strange.

"Hey ahhh y/n, is this what I think it is?" Kelly pointed a hunk of metal on the floor

You walked over and stood by him, following his finger until your eyes landed on what e was pointing to, "yep, that's a bullet. Mark where it is and we'll start from here."

"Did you find any bodies with gunshot wounds?"

You wiped the soot from for pants, "I haven't been through them all yet, we need to do trajectory so I can narrow it down. Can you head outside and get Jack to hand you the laser set up, I'll start pinning."

You bagged the bullet after taking photos, then stuck the pins around the area while Kelly brought the laser inside "bring it here and place it right where you found the bullet please." He did as you asked, and you clicked it on. When the laser found its mark, you pointed at the seat it landed on, "you know who was sitting there?"

Kelly shook his head, "nah but I can get you the manifest right now."

"Please do, I think we have a problem." You photographed the scene and waited for him to return, when he did, it was clear that something was very wrong, "what?"

"That was where the senator was sitting. There's more, judging by the way the back of this chair looks, she was bleeding when she got hit."

"What?" He walked you over to the chair and pointed at the back.

"See here, the fire was burning but she was alive enough to be bleeding."

You rubbed your face, "we know this was arson, the mess of the car the train rammed into proves that but the only person who could have fired that shot is another passenger or…."

He cut you off, "I knew all the guys there, it wasn't one of ours."

"Aright, hand me that pin." He took the long yellow pin and handed it to you before you stuck it in the hole in the seat. "Ok, judging by the angle it came from that direction." You pointed out the window and towards the treeline. "See how the hole is bigger in the back?"

He nodded, "that means it came through the font her body judging by the size of the hole it's come from beyond those trees."

"Which means this was a planned hit."

You nodded, "yep, we need to let someone know to get more cops here. Can you grab those little round wipes and get some of your guys here, we need to look for the spot where the person fired the gun."

You gathered some of the firefighters and handed then the gunshot residue pads, spray bottles and some little red flags, "look for damaged leaves and burns on the bark. If you find anything, wipe the pad over the area, then spray if. If it turns blue, yell real loud and stick the flag in the ground. Any questions?"

No one raised their hand, "alright, off we go."

It took about ten minutes before something came up, Boden had shot up and his deep voice came through the trees, "here." You ran over and looked where he pointed.

"That's it." You looked at the ground and shifted some of the leaves, "no shells. My guess is this was meant to happen later and they took advantage of the chaos to take the shot early. I need to go back and look at the body, there's nothing more any of us can do here right now."

Kelly nodded and you bagged the swab, "yeah, I'll you get all of this into the truck. Just call if you want to come back here."

"Thanks Kelly, I'll let everyone know when I know more." With a wave from everyone, you left for the lab.

****

"Well Kelly was right, she was alive when she got shot. It was the gunshot wound that killed her, it nicked her heart."

"You want me to run it?"

You handed the bag containing the round to Jack, "please and do it internationally, with the people in that cart, I have a very bad feeling."

You went back to the exam only to be stopped by Hale walking onto the platform, "hey, I got your report, the fire wasn't connected to the senator's murder, we got a confession right before I came to see you."

You sighed, "Jack will be back with ballistics soon, you might as well stay for a coffee."

"How's the wedding going?"

You smiled, "great, invites aren't ready to go out just yet but you should get yours soon."

He smiled, "that's great, I'm really happy for both of you. It just sucks that shit like this seems to been coming up."

You shrugged, "that's the job, why did they set the fire?"

"Everyone's theories were right, they were trying to sink the stocks."

"Well that solves nothing, we now have the unrelated murder of a politician to deal with." Right on time, Jack knocked on the door looking worried, "oh no, what now?"

"The bullet popped but not in the US, it's linked to twenty other murders, all Sicilian mob hits."

"Ah fuck, there's nothing we can do now. The killer would be halfway home by now. We pass this onto the FBI and be done with it, we have other shit to do."

****

"It was a mob hit, holy shit. What are you going to do?"

You shrugged, "wait and see. This isn't the movies Juice, stuff like this doesn't get solved in a few days, and given the circumstances, I don't think it's going to get anywhere."

"Well that sucks, so what, you're just going to move onto new cases?"

"Yep, there's nothing else we can do."

****

"You ready?"

You turned to the sound of Jax's voice, "you're not wearing your kutte?"

He shook his head, "no, I want to make this as easy as I can and I don't want him to start asking questions."

You smiled, "wear it and tell Sam to wear his, my father will cope or he can fuck off."

Jax smiled and pulled you into his arms, "you have no idea how much I love you."

"Oh I think I do." He pressed his lips to yours and put his hand on your lower back, pressing you into his chest.

"I like your dress." You sighed.

"This is one step up from my court attire, I have no idea what you're going on about."

"It's my favourite colour on you, that dark blue makes you look so sexy." You kissed him again, biting his lip as he deepened the kiss.

"You're only saying that because it's the same colour as the lingerie you love so much."

"Maybe." Jax's hand brushed the hair out of your face, "the night's going to go fine don't worry, and if it doesn't, I'll break his legs for you and Sam."

Before you could say more, Ima called you away. You headed to her bedroom and she was standing there with two dressed, "which one covers up the bump?"

"You don't really have one but the white one."

"Thank you, the last thing any of us need if hom finding out about the baby."

"Yeah, that would be messy." She threw on the dress and walked out with you, Sam and Jax were already waiting by the door.

"Alright people, let's get this done."

****

You arrived at the restaurant right on time, your father already there waiting at the table.

"Please sit." Jax's hand never left your lower back as you all sat at the table.

"Do you want to order drinks?" You exchanged looks with your brother.

"We'll all have water, thank you."

"Are you sure? I'm alright with people drinking around me."

"Yeah, we don't want to risk it."

He smiled sheepishly, "so what have my children been doing? Other than helping those people who died on the train."

"Well dad, Sam keeps everyone in Charming on the road, so does Jax. Other than that we've been busy with personal stuff."

"And what do you do Ima?"

She swallowed, "I work in the adult film industry, I was an actor when I met Sam and I went into production a few months ago."

"Oh, that's interesting. I had no idea Sam lived such a colourful life."

"Well now you do and if you say anything about my wife, I'll kick your teeth in."

"It's fine, I'm sure my daughter would say that as long as you pay your taxes there's nothing wrong with what you do."

"As much as I like to think you're telling the truth, we all know what you used to say about y/n when she was in college."

"I know, and I'm sorry for that. I'm trying to do better now."

"We can see that but it's going to take a lot more than words to get back into our lives."

"I understand. I asked around, I hear you and Jackson are part of a motorcycle club."

'Yeah, but don't listen to what people say, we just like our Harleys."

Your father raised his hands, "I didn't say anything. I mean I have heard a lot and I'd be very disappointed in my children for making such terrible choices but I don't belive everything I hear. Just like I hope Jackson and Ima don't believe everything they hear."

"Oh boy here we go. Can we just order and get this night over with."

"Be nice y/n, I'm trying to get to know the man you're going to marry."

You huffed but Jax put his hand on yours, "I've never been here, I'd love to order dinner." His tone was tight.

"Yeah, me too, I could eat a horse."

Sam smiled and relaxed, "you heard my wife, we should eat."

You took some time to figure out what was good then sent your order away, the food coming out twenty minutes later.

"This very nice."

You nodded, taking a bite of your bread, "good bread too, that's how you tell if a restaurant is really good."

"It's not better than Juice's." There were nods of agreement.

"What's a Juice?"

You sighed, "you'll meet him if you stay sober and make the right choices, he's out friend, he works at T-M with Jax and Sam."

"Is he in the gang too?"

You went to throw something at him but Jax's hand on your leg stopped you, "it's not a gang and yes, he's in the Club. If you keep this up we're going to walk out."

'You're right, I'm sorry. I'm just worried about you y/n, I want you to find the right person."

"The right person, as in someone like you who gets drunk and hits me?"

"That's all in the past now, I've changed."

You and Sam looked at each other and you sighed but Ima cut in, "what do you do for a living sir?"

"I work in accounting, I'm making real good money too."

"Yeah, well if that's the case, you can give us all the money you stole from us when we were little."

He gave you a false smile, "I can do that, you just tell me where to send the check. Now are we going to get dessert, I hear the orange ice cream delicious."

"We don't eat that kind of thing, I got a bad orange one day and now they make me feel sick. Your children and Jax have been kind enough to avoid them without me asking them too. I'd say you raised wonderful kids but we all know that y/n did all the raising while you were drunk off your face." In truth, the smell of oranges made her sick since she got pregnant but no one was going to say that.

"I acknowledge that y/n was the parent and she did a good job but I'm better now and I'm ready to be a grandparent."

That was the last straw for you, "we're done here. This isn't going anywhere and you've been taking digs at us all night. Maybe we should try for something less formal, coffee or cakes at the cafe sound good."

The others didn't protest, "sure y/n, I'll get the check."

You shook your head, "I'll get it, I'm the best selling author, not that you would know."

He went to grab your wrist to stop you and Jax hand shot out and grabbed his hand, hard enough that the fingers changed colour, "you won't touch either of them ever again do you understand me. This is my town and if I want you gone, you will be. Your children are willing to see you for coffee be happy with that or I'll make sure you never see them again."

"Are you going to let him talk to me like this? How can you marry a man that's so disrespectful?"

You clenched your jaw and looked him dead in the eyes, "go now, before that offer for coffee is gone forever." He stormed out in a huff and everyone slid back into their seats.

"Thank god that's over, I say we get the really fancy flaming ice cream thing that everyone talks about."

Jax smiled, "great idea darlin, anyone think differently." They shook their heads.

"At least we can end the night on a good note."

****

There hadn't been more than a few texts after dinner that night and everyone was hoping that was the end of it. Jax was sitting with you, rubbing the ache out of your legs after a long day at work when the topic of the Italians came up, "that assassination, did you ever find out who did it?

"Yeah, the dude's back in Italy but it planned hit, it's Interpol's problem now. It was meant to happen at the conference but he took his chance when the train was hit. She was targeted because she was trying to pass a bill to establish better scrutiny at the ports where the US mob operated, the old guard back in Italy wanted to deal with it themselves. Why do you ask?"

"Cucuzza wants to meet up with the Mayans and us. He said something's going on in the families and he and some other factions need guns, a lot more. Galen's happy to help, I just finished talking to him before you arrive."

"The shit never ends, does it. Do you think the hit is connected?"

Jax shifted on the couch and pulled you into his arms, pressing his lips to your crow while he ran his hand over your thigh, "he asked if you knew who did it and said that the story the cops have isn't the correct one, she wasn't cracking down, she was making sure this problem family got a leg up."

"Do you know any more?"

"No, that's what we're going to talk about tomorrow. I was just making sure he wasn't lying to me."

"I don't think he is, Angela found some strange stuff in her financial but we just thought it was the part of why she was called to speak, we thought she did some under the table tax shit."

"Nope, she was being paid off."

You sighed, "tell me how tomorrow goes and we'll go from here, you're all still assets for the CIA and if it involves old world mob shit they need to know."

"No worries darlin, I figured you'd say that."

****

"What are we dealing with here Jimmy?" Jimmy sighed and broke Jax's gaze.

"It's not good Jackson, a new family is up and coming and they are armed and organised, they recruit from the Gruppo di Intervento Speciale and they aren't fuckng around."

Sam leaned into Jax to let him know what Cucuzza meant, "Gruppo di Intervento Speciale are the special ops of special ops my guess it is only a few guys training foot soldiers, there wouldn't be enough of them to form a group all on their own."

Jax shook his head, "are you're just telling us this now, you're one of my best buyers Jimmy, we need trust."

"I'm sorry Jackson, we needed to know what was going on and we got confirmation after that woman was killed."

Alvarez had been quite the whole time but it seemed he was ready to talk, "we'll get you the guns but you need to keep us in the loop and you better tell us if this shit's going to land on your doorsteps.

Jimmy smiled, "of course. Now gentlemen, I believe you have guns to sell me."

****

Just as they were ready to head home after the meeting Jax got a call.

"What?"

Jax sighed, "that was the Riverhead distributor they need me at the bar, something about the last batch being bad."

Sam rubbed his face, "I'll go with."

Jax shook his head, "nah, you go download Ima and your sister."

"I'll go with you boss." Happy was always ready for an adventure.

"See, go home Sam, we'll deal with this."

****

Jax and Happy walked into the bar unimpressed, this was the last thing they needed. They went in the back to avoid letting everyone know what was going on but it didn't matter, voices were being raised.

"You wanna tell us what's going on, we have deal with you and you've been selling to us for the last four years and you only let us know that we need to clear out bar now?"

The man crossed his arms over his chest, "yes, and we're fixing it. Your next three orders will be free and we promise this won't happen again."

"Good because if it does we'll find someone else to buy our booze from."

The man waved his hand, "I understand completely, please go to the bar and have a drink on me you already have a friend here."

Happy shrugged and Jax followed him outside only to be greeted by your father sitting at the bar drunk.

"What a fucking surprise, why are you here?"

The man stood up, his words a mess, "I saw the label when I came to visit my kids I thought if I let them know I was a friend I get some good drink."

Jax was shaking with anger, he was finding it hard to talk, "you need to get out of town. I'm going to have my friend here call you a cab, if I see you in town again I'll make you regret it."

"Nah, I think I'm going to stay. Don't tell my kids about this yeah, I'll get right back on the wagon I just needed one drink."

To Jax's surprise, Happy spoke, "it's never just just drink with people like you, walk out of the bar and let me call you a cab or I'll going to drag you out and make sure you never come back."

"Fine, I don't want to be here anyway. Your girlfriend's a real bitch Jackson."

Jax didn't just see red, he saw black but Happy was there, ready to stop him from making a mistake.

"Go home and break the news, Sam and y/n will need you there. I'll make sure he gets out of town safe."

Jax rubbed his face, "thanks Hap."

****

You knew something was wrong when Jax walked into the house, "what?"

His eyes got wet, "I'm so sorry."

You were worried now, "Jackson, what's going on?"

He pulled you into his arms and rested his chin in your head, "we went to the Riverhead bar to speak to the owner, your father was there drunk. He saw the name when he was there after we got the delivery and thought mentioning us would get him free drinks. I am so sorry darlin."

You sighed, "it's alright, do I need to go sober him up?"

Jax shook his head, "nope, Hap's getting him out of town."

"I need to go tell Sam, not that he's not expecting it too."

"We'll go together, you doing alright?"

You nodded, "yeah, it's just been a long ass week."

Part 57

[yooniesim]

Hey nonny, thank you for telling me this! And thank you for considering my well being 💜 I blocked the names out of your ask because... I'm going to be honest, I've never heard of either of these people, I have no idea who they are. I tried checking, but nothing comes up, so I assume the one that didn't deactivate has me blocked out of fear. This isn't unexpected- I've dealt with plenty of irrelevant blogs like this before. They would probably like a mention, but can't handle direct confrontation in DMs. They can only manage anons that agree with them, blow smoke up their asses, and make them feel good about themselves for what they're doing. It's much easier to delete anons that disagree with you so no one else sees them and only post the ones that do, creating whatever narrative you like. Don't worry- I'm well-versed in the tactics of a full-time terminally online hater lmfao. But that being said, off the top of my head, I'm drawing a blank for who they could be or what, if any, content they create. So if anyone is trying to start drama for clout... well, we know who it is, don't we?

(This reply got pretty long/rambly and isn't all relevant, so I'm going to throw the rest under a cut- sorry nonny!)

...I think it's very strange, that even when I've been mostly on hiatus for quite a long time, and haven't done shit, I'm still such a strong presence in so many minds. I don't quite get the obsession, though I imagine it's jealously and frustration that I somehow keep existing when they'd prefer I didn't. Which- I'd kind of understand if it was someone I had history with, but I really have no idea who these particular losers are, so I can only conclude that it's just a need for attention...? I don't know.

Look, I'll say right now, it's fine if someone thinks I'm not friendly. It's alright if they make posts, and answer a bunch of anons about me. People can spend their limited free time however they want, and if they choose to spend it on me for... some unknown reason... that's their right, even if it is odd in my opinion. I don't read these posts. I've been here long enough and pissed off enough people that there are quite a few bigots and generally not well-adjusted people obsessed with me that go to ask boxes to spew untrue nonsense, that morons like the OPs you mentioned gladly eat up, and there's nothing I can do about that. As much as simblr loves to pretend otherwise... it loves drama and toxicity, it loves hating on acceptable targets when they get the chance, and they really love a good circlejerk. It thrives on finding the next conflict, especially if it gives them the chance to feel superior to someone else. That won't change, and as long as it's like that, people like the OPs and posts like the ones they made will continue to exist.

And as much as it sounds that way, I'm not coming at this from purely a lecturing standpoint. I know this so well because, yes- as I've mentioned many times- I've been in the same position of that toxic feedback loop. Drama on the internet can be a rush, it can be fun, it can be exciting. Even if you start with good intentions and consider yourself to just be speaking the "truth", it's easy to fall into a narrative that is much more toxic than you realize. That's something I had to recognize in myself, take a step back, and think about the fact that it isn't about the truth, it's about word choice and choosing your battles. Every little issue and every little thing you dislike about someone else doesn't need to be spoken aloud, doesn't need their own post. But that's what I was doing, to the detriment of myself and those around me. That, yes, was very "unfriendly" and abrasive.

Though I also think that people here don't quite understand the... social pressure that gets put on people that speak out or share their opinions here. I started out just wanting to talk about one issue- paywalls, largely- but once I started, I quickly started to get requests for my opinions on other topics. (A lot like I still do now, but I delete or ignore 90% of them) And since I was very blunt/free with my opinions, people started to seek me out more and more. I got a lot of attention very quickly from people that had much larger followings, and much more of both fans and haters, than I did. They started vague posting me or mentioning me outright, which sent waves of asks my way, and much more attention very fast. From the very jump, I was getting ostracized/demonized by one group of people while getting low-key idolized for being honest by another. I'll admit, it was nice in some ways, but very stressful in others. Suddenly, instead of just sharing my opinion online to a void, it became that people started treating me as some voice of reason, or that I had an obligation to speak for them. I got more and more asks about various topics, from paywalls to bigotry to minor "injustices" from simblr #4632. I started wanting to back off as it got bigger, but there was always something happening, always something someone wanted me to talk about or "bring awareness" to, always someone poking & prodding me whether it was with good intentions or bad ones. It was overwhelming. I felt like I couldn't focus on, well, the sims, because how jarring was it to be in a serious conversation about racism and then posting random gameplay? And the lines between what was an important issue and what was just petty drama started to blur more and more. What was necessary for me to say, and what was just plain mean? It became more and more difficult for me to distinguish in this public persona I had created.

I started spending more time on discord in hopes of backing off some, but that only made it worse- I was inexperienced with having my own server, incompetent really, and the same problems I had here were magnified ten times there. Anything I said or did was under a lense by both the people that agreed with me and those that didn't, the negative and "truthful" environment I advertised only invited more toxic and drama-seeking people to me, and while I did my best to hide behind my blunt/straightforward exterior, it got scary very fast. There was a lot of pressure to do everything "right" at all times, to always be there as a mouthpiece for others and for the "truth", but no one can be correct all the time. And the pressure, along with the weight of what was happening to me offline, was suffocating. It was as if people were always watching me, waiting for me to slip up or be vulnerable so they could get to me, and I couldn't keep that from happening forever. Because quite a few people didn't like me for being annoying or negative or speaking my mind, when I started getting targeted by bigots more extremely, it was celebrated by quite a few big people here, even those that claim to be advocates and allies. They reveled in the chance to get at me in some way, even if they had to rub shoulders with blatant racists and transphobes to do so, and if there was anything that woke me up to the true nature of drama and "activism" here, it was that. The truth was, drama wasn't an unfortunate consequence of speaking your mind about important issues- it was the goal. Everything I had ever done or said was just a spectacle, entertainment. I had deluded myself into thinking I was doing something important, when I was actually just being laughed at and used. There's nothing being done here that's truly important. It's fuel for egos, and something to engage in when you're bored. That's it. But I was the dumbass sitting there at the center of it all, the face that could take it all while everyone else disappeared once they were bored.

But by the time I realized this, well. I was already in quite deep, wasn't I? I guess the question is, how do you extract yourself from a bad situation, and a bad reputation for that matter, when your personality and intentions have already been decided and declared by others? It's been several years now, quite a while since I recognized where I was going wrong and set on the journey to cut that shit out of my life, but it still persists and I don't expect it to go away anytime soon. Truth is, there's quite a few people that really, really dislike me, even people I've never interacted with, and there's absolutely nothing I can do to change their minds. There's people that I haven't mentioned or thought about in years that still mention me regularly, publicly and privately. I've apologized many times, decided to move on and never mention them again, and stuck with that- despite never receiving apologies or the same grace myself. And at the end of the day, that's all I can really do. Change my behavior and try to ignore the people that can't do the same for themselves.

I do find it funny you say that the post is about me trying to create drama for clout, though- because let's be honest, that ship has sailed lol. I've gotten more "clout" for drama than anyone else on simblr ever has, I definitely don't need to say anything to get more. I've been blocked and/or mentioned by almost every simblr, especially paywallers and every "popular" blog that's been forming parasocial relationships here since they were 12, on every platform, from tumblr to twt to discord to anon sites. I can't keep my name out of people's mouths even when I do my best to mind my damn business. When you're that infamous, you really don't have to try, do you? 😂 and since I've never heard of these OPs, I can only assume they're hoping to get a little advertisement from me, which I'm not about to give them lol. at this point, I'm trying to do a reverse on the clout. Let's bring it down a little, how about that 😭

[thorraborinn]

tumblr rec'd you to me and i pleasantly surprised to find a fellow Heathen in Lenapehoking/NYC! what are your thoughts on the local pagan/polytheist/Heathen communities?

So I don't actually live in NYC, I used to spend a lot of time there but rarely for heathen stuff and I don't think I've set foot in it since 2019. But there are a lot of cool heathens there, and it's actually a very young scene (NYC used to be basically run by Theodish and it was so toxic that it turned the scene into a smoking crater for years, but the people who eventually filled the gap are entirely different) that has been good about keeping away folkish and other bigots from the very beginning instead of needing to kick them out like a lot of other communities in the US. They used to have a lot of public events, partially so they could vet people and make sure they're not racists or transphobes or whatever before letting them get closer. I haven't really kept up with them though so I don't know what's going on these days, but if you wanted to make contact, I'd expect they'd be at Pagan Pride day in September, and if you don't want to wait you could get in contact with the NYC Troth Steward (you don't have to be Troth or interested in them or whatever).

The broader east coast regional community is fairly similar. Heathen social networks around here are mostly informal, but a major focal point is Northeast Thing in eastern Pennsylvania (previously East Coast Thing; there's also a separate thing now called East Coast Thing), a yearly gathering that whether or not you actually go has a big impact on the scene because it's forming and refreshing connections. That means that its rules about inclusion and Covid safety become the de facto standard for the area.

There used to be a much heavier folkish presence, and I assume they're all still here, but as far as I can tell all their stuff is word-of-mouth only now so you don't really have to worry about running into them by mistake. PA and northwest NJ used to be overrun with AFA but I don't think any of them still have public-facing presences (though they are definitely still around). Anyway the point is, you're very unlikely to have any chance encounters with racists these days, you should still vet people but it won't take a lot of work anymore and everyone will make their position unambiguous.

The whole area used to be very anti-Loki but changed very rapidly over the course of a few years. A very small handful of people locally are cool with Fenrir but the community at large is not. It would be very difficult to find people who are okay with, like, Surtr. The Troth just changed their policies to be inclusive of these figures and there's a bunch of whining about it happening locally. I have no horse in this fight but it's important to some people so I figured I'd mention it.

Personally I get very jaded when I do too much in-person heathenry outside of my close friends. I have pretty extreme philosophical and political differences from the average heathen and my religious beliefs are so intertwined with those that I usually end up feeling more alienation than connection. Really, this is my fault for having unrealistic expectations, but I honestly don't feel like I'm missing much anyway. I think maybe in-person heathenry is built around serving needs that I don't actually have myself, and I'm glad others find something in it even if I don't. My religious impulses are satisfied when I'm with my anarchist friends, and I do have close friendships with heathens who I met through the scene that transcend the problems I have with the scene in general.

I have had very little contact with non-heathen pagans and I can't really say much about them.

[fioras-resolve]

i'm an hour away from San Francisco, and less than a day away from gdc. the stuff is terrifying to me, and i'm almost scared to go. like, i'll be on my own in a massive conference center, potentially interacting with people a lot better than me at this whole gamedev shtick. it's strange, you know? to a lot of people i've met i *am* the intimidating gamedev, but when i'm in the presence of other devs i'm reminded that i'm a socially awkward loser who probably wouldn't fit in with this whole thing anyway. i mean fuck, i'm going to wear the cat ears, in large part because i'm hoping that gives people an easy in for talking with me. but it can just as easily make me look like a weirdo who's not taking this seriously. and i do take it seriously! i take it very seriously. i take it more seriously than anyone else i know, because goddammit games are my life. my truest love. the constant in my life that makes it all worth it.

and i'm scared, you know? i'm scared that despite how mature i feel of late, i'm still a fuckin kid. and like, i know, okay? i know that "realizing you're still a kid is the mature thing," but it's different, okay? this isn't "humbling." for years, since i was in high school, i've been insecure about fitting in with people older than me. with rare exception, i'm the youngest one in any group, because i've always been doing shit that few others can. and like, look, i know it's not the Correct thing to say, i know that saying that i, angie nyx, have special talents that others don't is entering some real shit territory. i am well aware that despite my obstacles i am still in an immense position of privilege for even being able to make games in the first place. but i haven't come this far, in creating, analyzing, and learning about games to be told that i'm just like anyone else. 

*sigh* i want to have self-respect and self-confidence without being vain, but really sometimes i just wanna tell someone "i know more than you, why are you questioning me?" i'm in a position where i get to talk about games with people in a way where they listen, and i have an obligation to listen to them. and i hate the feeling i get when someone tells me they see me as a standard they need to live up to, because it shows the contradiction of my whole approach to my work. i take this stuff really seriously, i pursue it as a passion like no other, and i hold myself to a high standard, but i also recognize that holding literally anyone else to that standard would be harmful. i've lost friends over this, and only one has come back.

man, i just... i'm pushed all sorts of ways by this. i'm worried that my going to gdc makes me a sellout or an uberdweeb or an ivory tower elitist. but at the same time i'm worried that i'm NOT good enough to even be in this space. i'm choosing to go to this conference because i believe in my craft, because i want to get better, and because gdc talks have been my comfort media for years. there's some part of me, at the core of my being, that thinks this will be a nice and enriching conference where i'll learn a lot and maybe get to network. this is the place i'll go to meet My People. but i'm terrified, you know? i'm scared that all that i've built up is just pretend. i'm even MORE scared that i'll fuck it up somehow by being so autistic. scared that the mask will slip and i'll reveal myself to be a scared cat in a human body. scared that i'll embarrass myself, or make someone uncomfortable. i'm scared that maybe i'm not a real game developer, but someone just cosplaying as one.

man, i just... i wish i could cuddle with someone right now. it's been months since i've seen a partner or even a friend in person. it's been so long since i've had any kind of contact, any kind of warmth or closeness. i wish i was doing that instead of going by myself to a convention full of people i don't know. i'm lonely. i'm scared. the real reason why i wanted a friend to go with me is because that way i wouldn't feel so alone. i'd have someone i could talk to who was right here with me. if things went badly, i'd get support. instead i'm going with my mom, who very openly treats this as a vacation opportunity like any other. she wants to see the sights of san francisco. what i need is someone who i can share a room with and know it's all gonna be okay. god dammit.

[sketch-guardian]

Awkward noodle friend!

First of all I'd also like to publicly announce that your OCs are so cool and I'm loving all the little puzzle pieces of information we're currently getting on your blog 👌✨

And then I'd also have a question about them! How are their relationships with the cannon obey me characters? Are some of them good friends, or absolute rivals, maybe?

Oh, and also with Camy, of course! I wouldn't ever forget my precious shy bean, don't you worry 💕

(I really really hope this hasn't been asked before, if so I'd love to see the post about it ☺️)

Impacciata amica spaghetto!

I'm so sorry about seeing your ask just now,I apologize😥I hope I haven't kept you waiting for too long🙈also thank you for the compliments on my OCs😳you're too kind☺💜

Regarding your question,I think I've already been asked a similar question in an old post of mine🤔it should be this one if you're interested:

still,I don't mind specifying some more information about their relationships with the canon characters✨even with Camy this time, since I've never written anything about that (you're so sweet Koni😭💖thank you for thinking about my MC too🙈💜I wasn't expecting that-)

This will be long,so in this post I will write for the Seven Brothers and MC only,I hope that's okay😥if you want to know RAD classmates relationships with the Now Dateables and the New Characters too,you can sent another ask if you're interested🙈now let's get started!

HOW ARE RAD CLASSMATES'S RELATIONSHIPS WITH THE CANON OBEY ME CAST?

HOUSE OF LAMENTATION

-Lucifer

Demya honestly doesn't like Lucifer very much and even if she tries to hide it behind a cheeky behavior,his presence makes her a little anxious. The punishments Lucifer's quite famous for bring back bad memories of her childhood spent in a freak show in the human world,so when she gets in trouble,she tends to avoid him as best as she can. He's too strict for Demya's tastes and she almost feels sorry for his brothers and for MC

Domnra seems pretty indifferent towards Lucifer,but he's actually slightly jealous of the authority he manages to impose without effort and the fact that he seems to be perfect at everything,which Domnra never was,not even when he was still an angel. Mobim on the other hand is intimidated by Lucifer,even if it doesn't often have a reason to be,since it is a kind and quiet creature. Mobim usually hides behind Domnra when Lucifer approaches,especially if he seems angry

Azul doesn't mind teasing Lucifer and it honestly makes everyone think he has a death wish,but the thing is that Azul doesn't care about the consequences. He knows that as long as he doesn't do anything extreme, the most he can get is a warning and still, he knows he's more than capable of escaping if that was the case. He also has no problem admitting that Lucifer is attractive,Azul just has no shame

Zuri respects Lucifer and his position,she considers him a decent leader and appreciates independent people like herself. In fact among the RAD classmates,excluding Azul who occasionally disturbs the demon,Zuri's probably the closest to Lucifer,the only one who can be considered "friend" of the eldest brother. Their conversations consist mostly of small talk about work or complaining about being often surrounded by idiots,all the while sharing a bottle of Demonus or a cup of tea,like two stressed parents

Odon likes Lucifer,even if according to them,he should try to smile a little more. They're sure that like all demons,angels and humans,he too would have a nice smile,everyone is special in their own way and he shouldn't fear to show himself more for what he is and not for the role he has to play. Odon would like to make friends with everyone,however they sensed that Lucifer doesn't trust an ancient and mysterious demon like themselves,so as much as it hurts them,they try to keep their distance. If Lucifer ever changed his mind,Odon wouldn't mind sharing a cup of tea with him

-Mammon

Demya thinks Mammon is cool and several times they found themselves scamming people together to get what they wanted, in fact they gave each other a hand occasionally. For example, if Demya attracted rich people with her beauty, making them shell out a lot of money and then leave them empty-handed, Mammon made sure to get as many meat dishes as possible for her. After all, Demya doesn't really care about money, it's just an added bonus, so she doesn't mind making this kind of trade. Also it isn't uncommon to see her teasing Mammon about his crush on MC, as she has noticed that the demon becomes much more shy and awkward in their presence, she thinks that's funny

Domnra isn't very close to Mammon,the most he has done with the demon is a few chats during gym class at RAD. However Domnra doesn't seem hostile towards him,despite how shoert-tempered he is,and for a good reason. Once Mobim had wandered off in search for flowers and Domnra went looking for it,it wouldn't have taken long with their bond after all,but what surprised him was seeing Mammon comforting a sad Mobim in a voice one would use with a kitten. Once in the open,both demons were embarrassed and promised never to talk about the accident again,but considering that other demons would have hurt Mobim instead without thinking twice,Domnra can't help feeling a touch of respect towards Mammon

Azul is a little bastard and loves to scare Mammon by randomly appearing through walls or mirrors,because he's the demon who give Azul the most fun with his reactions. However Azul isn't completely heartless and sometimes he makes it up to Mammon by offering help with stealing stuff or with homework involving curses and hexes. Once he even offered Mammon flirting lessons,to use with MC if he wanted,but the demon of greed didn't take it very well

Zuri meets Mammon occasionally when she receives proposals to be a stylist or a model with important brands and while at work he seems professional,Zuri doesn't appreciate how loud Mammon can be outside of it,she finds such behavior annoying. She thinks he's wasting his potential,because she's seen what he's capable of if he really puts in the effort. Zuri doesn't trust him very much though,because she knows he would have no problem stealing from her,but she has to admit that since Mammon rarely transforms,he was a good choice as MC's guardian

Odon finds Mammon funny and full of life and would very much like to become his friend,because they can feel that he too has good in him,unlike other demons they've encountered in their long life. Odon isn't stupid and they know that Mammon is terrified by their size and figure,so they try to appear as friendly and harmless as possible,to make him feel at ease. Once they even managed to play cards with Mammon,who lost every single time (due to the eye-like creatures spying on his cards). Luckily Odon was kind enough not to bet anything

-Leviathan

Demya struggles to remember Levi,because she barely sees him in class,let alone outside,so she doesn't have a clear opinion about him. Demya knows she can easily convince him to do stuff for her by being nice and cute like an anime girl and she figures they might share the trait of being jealous demons,but otherwise they don't have much in common. One thing is for sure though:she thinks Lotan is cool as hell and one day she would like to ride them

Domnra deems Levi weak in terms of physical strength as he barely trains while Domnra is seen as a normie tsundere delinquent in Levi's eyes,so it's no surprise that the two of them have hardly ever spoken. However Domnra noticed that Levi occasionally look at Mobim as if it was some cute anime mascot,all the while muttering "kawaii" or other anime references unfamiliar to him. He finds such behavior quite weird

Azul is an online friend of Levi and they occasionally meet to draw together, simp about their favourite characters or show off their cosplays. It seems shocking considering how different the two demons are,but they share some hobbies and kind of complement each other,for example:Azul doesn't mind asking for autographs or whatever when Levi is too shy to,while Levi keeps Azul calm with his long and enthusiastic speeches about his favourite topics,those keep Azul too occupied to suddenly change mood

Zuri admires Levi's passion for his hobbies and the way he manages to convey it to others,she believes that the effort he puts into cosplay is remarkable,because in a certain sense it's still style,however Zuri doesn't often assist to his fanatic speeches,as Levi seems quite intimidated or in awe in her presence. She isn't sure which of the two options is the correct one

Odon knows Levi thanks to what their eye-like creatures have told them,but they have met him in person just few times and the few times it happened,cell phones and computers were involved. Odon,being very old,isn't a great expert in modern technology,so as an excuse,they sometimes ask Levi for help. Moreover, Levi often compare them to some anime characters and even if Odon doesn't know what he's talking about,they appreciate that Levi isn't afraid to express his opinion

-Satan

Demya thinks Satan's a bit of a nerd and she doesn't like that talking to him makes her feel dumber that usual,but despite everything she still finds him kinda cute,especially when he's in feral mode,because Demya has somewhat strange tastes. She also finds amusing that their tails are similar and even if it doesn't matter much,she appreciates that he isn't a fan of Lucifer

Domnra and Satan both have anger issues,so they understand what if feels like and sometimes they go out together to either vent or blow off steam. It's strange seeing one of the smartest students of RAD and one of the delinquents in class together,but their "problem" has brought them closer and made them friends. Domnra focuses more on the physic while Satan on the mind,but one thing they've in common is the love for cute things. Once Satan put a kitty costume on Mobim,in spite of Domnra

Azul is friends with Domnra, so it's no wonder he has tried to be friends with Satan as well, he finds his reactions very funny, especially when he's angry. Other than that, Azul would probably be an interesting subject for Satan to study, especially because he has never seen demons with Azul's characteristic ability, i.e. changing color depending on feelings, but he probably wouldn't give Satan any explanation about it,just to tease him a bit

Zuri knows about Satan's story and is aware that mentioning the eldest brother's name gets him upset, so to avoid any headaches from his screams, she tends to avoid mentioning that name in his presence. Leaving aside this detail, she believes that Satan's very intelligent, but that at the same time he's also too insecure of his identity and that he should begin to understand that his brother is not a threat as he seems. The only criticism she can make against Satan is his way of dressing

Odon knows a great deal about Devildom, having been born before the seven brothers and having spent their long life there. They have witnessed events written in history books, both in Devildom and in the human world, so they're very well educated from that point of view. The relationship with Satan seems to be that of a student and a tutor, he can ask Odon anything historical and they would probably be able to provide Satan with an answer, having experienced it firsthand. He also seems interested in the eye-like creatures that they have and since Lucifer doesn't like Odon very much, it's another reason for Satan to talk to them

-Asmodeus

Demya likes to go shopping with Asmo and likes to gossip about other lesser demons with him, she thinks he's fun, so they're friends, but casual ones. They often meet at parties or on the streets of Devildom and while Asmo may appreciate Demya's sense of style, he wouldn't appreciate her rough and feral ways, such as gobbling up on food or having no problem getting her hands dirty. For example, Demya, unlike Asmo, doesn't mind messing up her hair or getting scars on her skin

Domnra only knows Asmo by fame, since the demon of lust has a lot of followers among demons and witches on Devilgram, but otherwise he has never really spoken to him,Domnra finds him "too much" for his tastes and being used to being surrounded by other party animals, he doesn't need another reason to have a headache. Mobim isn't sure what to feel towards Asmo, he seems to Mobim a very extravagant demon, but being a very empathetic creature, it perceives that Asmo hides some insecurities, so it doesn't know if how he shows himself in public is an act or less and if so,Mobim doesn't think it would be able to reassure him

Azul usually meets Asmo during the parties held in The Fall and occasionally finds him at Madame Scream's, when he's there to buy sweets. Being both quite popular, they know each other and are also quite friends, even if there's a casual flirting every now and then, but just for fun. Sometimes they make duets and other times they help each other with makeup, but Azul often doesn't miss the opportunity to scare Asmo and make him ruin everything

Zuri knows Asmo because of her connection to the fashion world, so from that point of view, they interact every now and then. She acknowledges that stylistically, Asmo is a professional, but otherwise she finds him quite childish and capricious when he doesn't get what he wants. She's worked hard to get to where she's now and would like Asmo to understand that beauty it's not enough and that everything shouldn't be granted to him just for his looks, but that his commitment should be the most important thing

Odon usually wanders around isolated places so as not to frighten other lesser demons, so it's very unlikely to see Asmo for them,but the few times Odon has shown up in more crowded places,they were able to talk to him. Odon thinks that Asmo has no idea exactly who they are,because on their first encounter he tried to flirt with them. The results weren't what Asmo hoped for, since Odon didn't understand his intentions, but they appreciated the casual chat in any case. The two demons know each other only by sight though, since they frequent different places

-Beelzebub

Demya and Beel are the duo that all Devildom's restaurants fear, considering the amount of food they swallow every day, so seeing them together in a restaurant is equivalent to the eventual failure of the latter. They're good friends and Demya appreciates that Beel doesn't judge her appetite,she knows what it's like to try to fill a void with food. Furthermore,the two occasionally train together, even if they do different exercises: Beel with weights and Demya with flexibility. Also Demya tries to protect Beel from people who try to take advantage of his kindness

Domnra is in some sports clubs with Beel and it happens a few times that the two demons chat. In his presence Domnra has no reason to be angry, he respects Beel's tranquility and strength, he's a very strong demon in Domnra's opinion,however his appetite reminds him too much of Demya,who he dislikes. Not gonna lie, but Domnra once feared Beel might eat Mobim and he's never been more terrified in his life

Azul hardly ever spoke to Beel, although he occasionally saw him eating in sweets shops, thus depriving Azul of the chance of buying something for himself. Maybe the reason they don't interact much is because Azul finds him quite boring, being apathetic most of the time, so it's hard to get interesting emotional reactions from Beel. Sometimes Azul can try to prank him by creating food illusions, but Beel doesn't seem to fall for it too often

Zuri knows about Beel based on what Lucifer told her about him, so she knows that the sixth brother is quite gluttonous, but also kind-hearted and devoted to his family, qualities Zuri appreciates, but that at the same time they remind her a bit of her angel days, which she would rather not think about. Zuri and Beel have talked to each other a few times, but not having much in common, their conversations go no further

Odon shares a bond with their eye-like creatures similar to the one Beel shares with Belphegor, so they feel a little closer to him in this aspect, however Beel asked Odon how they knew this information, but Odon just smiled and explained that it was a mere guess. Both demons are quite tall, so they appreciate not having to bend down to talk face-to-face. Also Odon has noticed that Beel doesn't seem to fear them, which relieves them. Odon likes it when Beel tells them about his family, because Odon has never had one and doesn't know what it feels like to have one

-Belphegor

Demya knows Belphie through Beel and is in fact quite friends with him. To Belphie Demya is somewhat similar to Beel and those few times when Demya's tired,they take naps together. The two have also silently made an agreement, namely to protect Beel from demons or witches with bad intentions

Domnra met Belphie probably through Satan, during a meeting of the Anti-Lucifer League. The two demons get along quite well and Domnra likes Belphie's sarcasm and style, but maybe he's a little jealous of the fact that he always gets good grades despite almost always sleeping in class. Mobim doesn't mind being a pillow for Belphie, as long as the demon doesn't choke it in his sleep

Azul, again, has never interacted much with Belphie. He considers him boring, since interacting with him is practically impossible, with rhe demon being always asleep. The only thing that Azul noticed that he has in common with Belphie is the love for the stars and perhaps it could be a good conversation starter for the two of them

Zuri likes hardworking, resourceful people who show at least a modicum of passion in what they do and unfortunately Belphie does not fall into this category. She knows he's the demon of sloth and she doesn't blame him for this of course, but Zuri considers Belphie too lazy and doesn't think it's appropriate to walk around as if he were always wearing pajamas

Odon is the only one among the RAD classmates who knows about the little "accident" between Belphie and MC, although it's unknown exactly how the eye-like creatures learned about it. The two demons hardly interact, but occasionally Odon sees Belphie sleeping near the Devildom woods when they walk alone. If Belphie so wanted, Odon would be more than happy to explain what they know about constellations and dreams

-Camy (my MC)

Demya doesn't know exactly what to think of Camy,being a very different person from her: introvert, shy and who prefers not to leave the House of Lamentation. She considers her a reliable and patient human considering that she has to deal with seven demons everyday and every now and then she happens to meet Camy hanging out with Mammon. In those moments Demya likes to embarrass them both with their obvious feelings towards each other. She finds them a cute couple

Domnra was quite unaware of Camy's existence at first, as her presence was hardly noticeable in class, but he started paying more attention to her when she started learning magic from a certain sorcerer. He's surprised that a human from so low has landed in the position Camy is currently in,but he has to admit that he's found a newfound respect for her, even for the pacts she's managed to make. The only times they interact is when Mobim happily greets Camy, not considering the human a dangerous person

Azul would like to make friends with Camy,since she's Levi's best friend and since they have some hobbies in common,but the human seems to avoid him and Azul thinks it's due to his unstable nature. For this reason, to make her feel more at ease,Azul tries to interact with Camy only online and only when Levi's also present, so it should be easier to chat. Azul thinks she's charming in her own weird way and he would like to play tricks on her,but he doesn't want seven demons after him so he avoids acting like an idiot for once

Zuri admires Camy's commitment to her duties at RAD, and the fact that she's a human exchange student makes her efforts all the more worthy of credit. Zuri doesn't dare imagine what it's like to live with the seven deadly sins, so she has a hunch as to why the human has such pronounced eyebags. Zuri tried talking to her with Lucifer present, but the human seemed quiet and uncomfortable,perhaps because she wasn't used to the presence of other demons. The only criticism that Zuri feels like making is the way in which the human looks scruffy,Camy doesn't seem to care about her appearance

Odon considers Camy a curious human being,strong from a mental point of view and with a great willpower. In her place, several humans would have already gone crazy with what she had to go through, with what she experienced there in Devildom, so they don't understand how she can be so insecure of herself. Camy was uncomfortable when they met for the first time, but she wasn't scared and Odon isn't surprised,considering that the human risked death several times. If Camy's alone on the streets of Devildom,Odon offers to escort her. They'are close acquaintances and that's enough for Odon

[grabtherain]

Let's Trauma Together (Steddie Fanfiction)

Summary: Eddie is pining hard for Steve after his near death experience in the Upside Down. Steve is well- pining hard for Eddie after carrying a bleeding Eddie out of the Upside down. Valentines Day rolls around and Steve shows up at Eddies door- awkwardness and all. Flirting ensues. Pining ensues. Does anything really resolve itself?

Disclaimer: There's a possibility that I turn this into something bigger on AO3- I haven't really decided. Another thing- I am very much angry that Wayne and Eddie never interact on the show so I self indulged in writing my own uncle-nephew dynamic. I am aware that the ending is ambiguous, again there might be more in the future.

CW: brief mentions of death, contemplation of life

"Eddie I will not allow you to sit and sulk in my presence today." Wayne chuckled at his nephew, a tired smile falling onto his lips. "I got three more hours before I head to work- so either cheer up or,"

"I'm gonna stop you right there!" Eddie interrupted as he jumped up from his spot on the couch. "I know you are not gonna recommend such a thing." Eddie could read his uncle like a book, and it seemed the power was mutual. It was Valentines day and Wayne knew his nephew was sulking. Sulking- yet still a ball of energy. He didn't know how Eddie did it sometimes.

"I have no idea what you're talking about Kid." Wayne teased in bemusement, taking a sip of his beer slowly. He had to admit that he had been spending too much time with Eddie since- the incident. He showed his emotions way more, teased the boy as much as he could, and he woke up early just to sit with him before work. Though Wayne wouldn't admit too much to enjoying the times together with his nephew- they avoided feelings most time. After a moment Wayne caved, "All I'm saying is- you never know if you don't try."

Eddie's face contorted into an immediate scowl- though he was entertaining Wayne just as he was entertaining Eddie. "Steve Harrington isn't something you just try Wayne." Eddie huffed out as he sat his restless body down on the couch. "Pretty sure once you're in... you're in for life." The two sat in silence for a mere two seconds before Eddie let out a gag at his own wording. "Not like that!" The two men began to laugh at one another's antics that led to this point.

Though- leave it to Wayne to bring the seriousness of a situation out. "C'mon Kid, I see him here almost every week. I don't think you have too much to worry about." Eddie, if he wasn't in a bubble, would most likely notice the tone of Wayne's voice. The tone older generations use when they know something a younger person doesn't- the wise man gruff. However, Eddie at this point was in so much denial that he barely heard Wayne after the first sentence.

"Steve is only here to pick the kids up from our DnD campaigns Wayne! He is forced to come near me!" Eddie's hands raised to play with his hair- twisting a miscellaneous curl in between his ringed fingers. Wincing at one point- cursing his calluses for catching a knot. "Plus, he is probably having a movie night with Robin today." Eddie whispered softly, his eyes dilating as he seemed to completely leave the conversation. Wayne sighed as he watched the boy he loved the most in this cruel world, the boy who survived the worst thing this world had to offer- sulk over a boy. A boy who from Wayne's knowledge, ruined Eddie in their earlier years. However, Wayne didn't bring that up. In fact, Wayne and Eddie stopped speaking soon after that- simply basking in each others presence as they watched TV. When it was time for Wayne to go, he put a weighted hand on Eddie's knee as he stood. Eddie's head lifted as if it was the heaviest thing on Earth- his lips pulling into a small smile that seemed just as weighted. With a pat on the knee and a playful head butt to the Oldman's gut as he tried to ruffle Eddie's hair- Eddie was left all alone.

Hours went by, Eddie remaining the same criss cross position on the new couch. He sat there just contemplating what had happened to him in the past year. Senior year. Dustin. All the kids. Vecna. Death. A shiver ran up Eddie's spine- seemingly snapping him into a more appropriate posture. His eyes remained completely zoned out- focusing on brand new carpet. The brand new carpet- in this brand new apartment. Gifted by some secret agency who wanted Wayne and Eddie to stay as quiet as possible about what almost killed Eddie- well what had killed Eddie. Eddie remembers showing up to graduation after being labeled officially dead by the news- he compares it to how Will might have felt. Within the comparison, he begins to think of all the fond memories he has with the kids now that he is alive. Well, as alive as his brain will let him think he is.

Suddenly a knock is heard at the front door, though it seemed as though Eddie would never react. Fifteen seconds after the sound had reverberated off the door- Eddie jumped in his upright position on the couch. Confusion finally began to settle onto his now present features- and his hands began to nervously sweat at who it could possibly be at the door. Five seconds after his reaction- there was another knock on the door. Eddie found himself self consciously counting how much time everything took to happen. Less than a millisecond after the second knock occurred, Eddie was pushing himself off the couch to make his way to the oak door. I'll be it- unwillingly- but you must give credit where credit is due. You don't deal with a secret agency once and not be terrified of them showing up again to kill you and take everything away. However, you also don't go through what Eddie did and not develop paranoia. Eddie's brain stopped counting once he was right in front of the door- it was too busy worrying about the what ifs. "I told Wayne we need a peep hole." Eddie cursed under his breath as he grasped the door handle. "If I die, I die."He thought out loud as he swung the door open into his chest- not wanting to open it all the way in case he could save himself.

"Woah woah Munson. No one's dying tonight." The voice of Steve Harrington flooded all of Eddie's sense. His eyes noticeably widening in complete shock at not only the sound but the sight in front of him. There stood Steve Harrington - all alone- with a stack of VHS tapes and a tote bag slung over his shoulder. "They say death is at its lowest on Valentines Day," Steve began to fumble with his own joke. Noticing Eddies already huge brown eyes- having grown wider in his presence. "Something about love healing and all that." His confidence disintegrated into a mere mumble as he began to shift back and forth on his heels.

"Something like that." Eddie mimicked as his eyes trailed up and down Steve's formed, still outrageously confused about what was going on. However, he had manners and half a brain to let the poor boy in. "Well Harrington, please invite yourself over to the Munson residence." Eddie had to tease the other for coming over unannounced- though he couldn't help but like it (a lot)- he knew it would look suspicious if he didn't say anything. With foe confidence pushing a smirk onto Eddie's puppy dog features, his arms pushed the door open wider for his visitor. "Though- I welcome you with open arms." Eddie began to step deeper into the apartment to make sure he gave Steve enough room to comfortably walk in without feeling hovered over. Though Eddie couldn't help but exaggerate his lean to see what was in the tote bag.

"Hey! Eyes away!" Steve said suddenly as his arm holding the tape went to cover the slight opening of the tote bag. "They are surprises for letting me invade." Steve joked as he laughed softly at his own embarrassment, he knew Eddie would notice him not calling to come over. He couldn't help it- it truly was a last minute sort of ordeal.

Eddie let out a loud snort as stuffed his hands in his jean pockets. "How do I know you aren't going to whip a nail bat out at me?" He paused for greater affect, "I've heard the stories Harrington, Dustin knows how to make man sound like a badass with a piece of wood." Eddie would inwardly cringe at his wording- taking note how that's the second innuendo he's accidentally made while talking about Steve. If Steve's cheeks were anything to go by, he definitely got the insinuation to.

"W-Well," Fuck now he was stuttering? Get it together Harrington. "You'll have to trust that my bat is way too big for this bag to handle." Now the boys were in their natural mode of "flirting without acknowledging that it was sexual pining." Perfect.

Like a switch, the boys were doubled over laughing and beginning to set the VHS tapes all over the carpet to pick the order they wanted to watch each one. Eddie had questions. In fact, he had tons of them. From- "Where's Robin?" to "What's in the bag?" and even "Do you know this is making me fall even more in love with you?". The last one was the biggest one in his mind though- it was the one he ignored the most. "Tell me Harrington, what are you really doing here?" Wow- that question wasn't one of his top three. Brain what are you doing? Though Eddie watched in interest as Steve stopped dead in his tracks- still gripping one of the tapes loosely.

Gulp. Suddenly, his grip on the poor film was tighter than before. Whether it was the genuine tone that Eddie had used- or how Eddie had stared up at him with those big eyes as he said it, Steve was locked in place. "I can't come watch a couple movies with a friend?" Steve breathed out, just wanting to get something out so Eddie wouldn't think his heart had stopped beating. In reality, it was beating faster than ever before.

Eddie wasn't going to let Steve go that easily, "You definitely can, though I believe Robin is usually the movie friend. Me? I'm the pick up the kids friend." He hadn't meant for the last part to sound so self deprecating, he clawed at some sort of distraction. "So where's Robin hiding?" He looked around jokingly, knowing that the blonde would never be able to stay hidden for this long. To be fair, neither could Eddie.

"She's not here." A frown had set itself firmly on Steve's lips- his eyebrows furrowing in concern as his embarrassment was long forgotten. It's as if his mom mode had kicked in. Though he didn't see Eddie as one of the kids- his self deprecation wasn't lost on the other man. "And you're not just a 'pick up the kids' friend. You're a 'pick up the kids and watch a movie together after' friend." Steve let himself loosen up with a joke at the end of his reassurance. He knew Eddie wasn't a kid who needed to be told how to comprehend other's interactions with him. He just sometimes need a reminder and a little joke. Steve could do that for him. Steve could always do that for him.

Eddie chuckled softly as his own posture relaxed with the reassuring message. A genuine smile pressing onto his features as he looked up at Steve through his eyelashes. The teasing game between the two was back on- "Oh? I have an after title? We've taken a few steps in our relationship since I last checked." Eddie's voice was light- yet smooth just like his movements. He and Steve had been sitting beside one another as they sorted tapes- however, between them was a reasonable 8 inches or so. With the conversation turning every which way, Eddie found himself being magnetized towards Steve to feel grounded. Or to just feel.

The two boy's eyes never met- instead they looked all over each others features before studying what the other was doing movement wise. Eddie had officially closed the 8 inches, effectively sitting his knee right on top of Steve's has he turned back towards the carpet. "So- My Blood Valentine first right?"