#i know i should be workin on fixin myself instead of lookin for someone to do it for me but it's
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Ngl I'm scared it wasn't just my love for him that broke off that night, but my ability to love at all
#i really don't want him to be the last (only?) man i ever loved#he doesn't deserve to have that#none of my feelings have been as intense as they used to be before honey split off#i mean. idk if it's somethin i'd ever get to have anyway. love. a relationship. maybe it's just not in the cards for me.#i know i should be workin on fixin myself instead of lookin for someone to do it for me but it's#so damn hard when i feel like there's no one who'd ever choose me#i know i'm too fucking high maintenance n just generally a LOT while also not enough#i just. i wish i was special to someone.#n at the same time just the thought of fallin in love again scares the shit outta me cause it never goes my way#if it's even smth i'm capable of anymore. maybe that's just honey now.#if it is that means val's always gonna have my heart cause honey can't bring himself to take it back#makes me sick just thinkin about it but....it might be true. idk if i'll ever take back all or even most of what he took from me#spdrvent
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