#i know it’s irrational btw i’m just a very anxious person

[stockholmgf]

mutuals come over and take turns standing guard at my doorway throughout the night

[celestie0]

i've always wondered have you ever given the y/n in your fics a personality description? like everything about her just ties the whole story together yet the reader can actually, embody her in some way?? that's one of the things that makes your writing so enjoyable to read and i've always wondered if you see yourself in her when u write ;

IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT BUT i hope u know what i mean 💔💔

love u loads btw you're like my comfort writer as we speak

GASP i have neverrr actually, i dont think i’ve formally sat down n really given any of my characters personality descriptions i just kinda have a vibe of them in my head haha but this has intrigued me 🤔 I KINDA WANNA MAKE EM NOW!!! (i hope this is what u mean by character descriptions btw hahah)

kickoff reader.

i think she is a little self conscious at times, easily affected by things going on in her life, definitely tries to bite off more than she can chew, and she’s an anxious avoidant until she can’t take it anymore and becomes overtly confrontational instead alskdjdh i think this can be seen in the way she confesses to gojo, in her interactions w kai, and then also her turning down the newsletter job before she realized it was actually a good opportunity, etc etc. when i write for her, i kinda wanna give the vibe of tired college student that has a lot going on in her head n in her heart, but she’s slowly starting to learn to live again and is looking forward to life after college (aka me all of my senior year loool) i think she has a pretty neutral personality overall :0

in holy matriphony reader.

omg i haven’t written much for ihm reader yet but i already ADORE her so so so much based on what i’ve got planned for the series, and i think i understand her the most of the oc’s i’ve made. she is someone that gets crazy tunnel vision, can only really focus on one thing at a time, often neglects her other responsibilities if it means getting The Main One done, she is hella jaded because of all the financial stress, work stress and caretaking stress which means she doesn’t have much of a filter anymore, she’s very cynical and pessimistic and easily irritated and prideful BUT…..deep down she’s a huge softie and is actually very self aware of her flaws n just really wants to get better but she just can’t find a moment to breathe…im gonna enjoy writing for her bc i think she’ll come off irrational and a bit over the top at times, but in those soft moments, she’ll be very down to earth :)

in another life reader.

aww i haven’t had too much written for ial reader yet, but in my head i picture her as a veeeery soft spoken, sweet natured woman in her older age (she’s engaged to nanami, who i imagine has mellowed her out in comparison to when she dated bad boy choso lol), idk i think she’s kind of basic 😭 not that that’s a bad thing at all, i kinda wanted that dynamic of crazy rock star lifestyle choso mixed w simple lifestyle reader (for when they meet again later in life). when she was younger, she was highly impressionable, often thought she was more mature than she actually was, n loves veeeerryy deeply, so much so to where old scars hurt even after years and years. i think she always tries to do the right thing, but bc of her conflicting emotions, she has the capacity to cause a lot of hurt

AHH idk this is just the vibe i get from them or try to encapsulate while i write them, and i also totally think readers can have diff interpretations of them than me and still be accurate about it (idk as the author i don’t feel like i even know everything ab my own stories sldkdjdh at times i feel some of my readers know more than me haha)

i think kickoff reader is the most confusing in my head, but i like it that way because i suppose she’s the youngest and she’s in college and it makes sense for her since she’s figuring herself out

i definitely do see myself in all of them!! i have certain attributes i share n some that i don’t. for example i don’t think i’m as brave as kickoff reader (to pursue passions or confess to a boy so brazenly or slap tf outta someone at a bar LOL) and i don’t think i’m as crass or no-filter as ihm reader for example, but i definitely relate to certain aspects like the tunnel vision, anxious avoidance, and stuff like that!! but i still try to make them their own characters i suppose, but it really depends on how i want their personalities to mesh w the love interest as well

GOSH THIS IS A LONG FUCKIN ANSWER MY BAD i was just so intrigued by this ask xD i’m soooo sososoossooo happy to be your comfort writer and that you enjoy my works 🥺💕you guys keep my passion alive n i’m always so grateful for you all <33 have a wonderful day/night!! 🧚‍♀️✨ilyy

[kingsuckjin]

To the anon who asked the introverted anxiety thing.

Let me put it like this.

I'm an extrovert. I love being the first to crack jokes, I love meeting new people, I'm hella hyper and questionably "over confident" in social settings.

But whenever I know im going to a social event, I get so stressed out I sometimes get physically ill. When I message people I know and love or hang out, and there's someone there who I wasn't prepared for I immediately second guess every decision that got me to show up to that meeting/conversation.

Everytime I message Quinn (or anybody more then twice in a row. Dude the anxiety I get signing messages that allow people to know it's me just Jdhehrh) I immediately start panicking thinking I overstepped or pushed a boundary, even though my extrovertedness is what got me to reach out, its my social anxiety that immediately regrets and is smacking my extroverted self for doing what it does reflexively. (Some call me an ambivert because I'm equally content on my own. And like having solo space to recharge. But I also need people to recharge so lmao. And my introverted self rarely makes me anxious so I don't think that's a part of my anxiety) but yeah. Like. Yes you can be both socially anxious and an introvert because ofc. But one does not equal the other. And maybe over time my social anxiety will fade away. But even if im in my most comfortable space. Around people who I confidentially know love me 100%. If I do anything that I didn't plan for or anything moves from my original expectation. Everything inside me will scream at me to emotionally, mentally and physically walk out. Though I'm getting better at remembering to just try to ride it out and not allow my mind to create everyone else's opinion of me because more often then not, it's wrong and people are very unaware that I've even done something off even if it feels blatantly obvious to me.

Again this isn't everyone's experience.. its not a shoe that fits every person. And it's not always rational or irrational. But it's very much an experience separate from personality types.

(I hope I didn't wander too off topic but. I HAVE TOO MANY OPINIONS TO NOT ADD TO THIS CONVERSATION)

🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾

^^^^^^ well said. (btw spam my ass with messages, I don't care, I need reminders. There's no way you'd bother me with sending me multiple messages, I'm chaos in human form, so I’d love that 😂 just drown me in them sporadically so they get my attention)

[firesfelt]

{ tyler posey, 25, genderfluid, he/him/they/them ) NEVAEH ANDREWS was seen listening to NOSERINGS AND SHOESTRINGS BY NINA NESBITT on their way to BARTENDER. NEV is known to be PROTECTIVE & TEMPERMENTAL.

oh lewk it’s pacey back again with some more gremlin children. first of all, i’m pouting over the fact that the addition of nev means my streak of only using fcs with names that begin with ‘a’ is over, but we had a good run ! also forgive me that this intro won’t match the others but i cannot be arsed to faff around with photoshop rn. plus i have a zoom thing in like an hour so let’s see if i can get enough info out in that time let’s goooooo.

so nev is,,,,,,, a little shit.

the tldr of them is they’re a musically inclined pasta lover with really great intentions, but a horrible execution. they’re currently attempting to get custody of their two youngest siblings ( the other sibling being my other Newest Addition, farrow, who is far less delusional about how likely nev getting custody is ) after the death of their beloved mother. very much here for the bants and a good joke, anxious 70% of the time, v protective, very much a mess. 

the extended version is as follows: nev’s mama was a humble seventeen when they were born, much to the displeasure of her family. upon hearing she was expecting, miss harmony andrews was promptly disowned and never spoken to again. charming. she did everything she could to provide for nev ( and later, their three siblings ) and build a good life for them. their dad didn’t stick around for very long at all, and was gone by the time nev made it into the world, so it was just harmony and lil nev for a long time. my gal thought she was being original with their name, and didn’t realise it was kind already a name people had, and a name usually given to baby girls, but she didn’t care --- nor does nev. they love their name; their mum gave it to them.

their mum was pretty unlucky in love over the years, but she did get three more kiddos out of her failed endeavours. all the kids have different dads, but nev really hates anybody referring to them as their ‘half-siblings’ -- they’re just their siblings, y’know ?

they were a super tight family, and one of their distant relatives forgot to write their mama out their will before kicking the bucket, so guess who eventually got a house too ? life was grand, all was good

nev was always an anxious creature though, which eventually lead to full-blown anxiety as they got older. it reached its peak when they were a teenager, and there was a rlly rough period of time where they sought help via inpatient, and has been doin better since, but obviously still struggles ( and obviously the death of their mum has made things worse )

their littlest sister is the absolute light of their life ( honestly, they’d be happy just getting custody of her, but morally they’re like,,, well if i wanna raise her i should prolly try with my brother too lmao rip ) and while they and farrow don’t always see eye to eye, they’re p close 

but at the end of the day, nev isn’t a suitable guardian. they work nights, don’t earn anywhere near enough to fully support themselves let alone two kids, don’t have their own place and are currently crashing with a friend and his parents, and the kids’ social worker has definitely seen them lose their shit inappropriately at least once or twice. it’s just,,, not gonna happen ? his hatred for the kids’ foster parents is incredibly irrational, and they’re just not.......... Right ( ???? ) in this scenario. like, they feel the kids should be with them and that’s what’s best for them, but it just............ isn’t ?

so there’s like a lot of angst in this kid’s life

but legit it’s not all doom and gloom, they’re an absolute meme of a person in general 

they’re pretty good at their job tho ! they can be super chatty -- one might even say charismatic if they’re being generous -- and friendly, and they really know their way around a bar, so it’s a good time, and they have a good time for a lot of it. but like i said, doesn’t earn them a massive deal to live off of, but it’ll do. i don’t have anywhere sort of in mind in particular, so happy to plot some stuff or whip something up myself !!!

they’ve been in huntsville their entire life, so connections of all kinds are for sure on the table 

( remember when i said i had a zoom thing in an hour ? well rip that was yesterday lmao, lemme finish this up ) 

kiddo’s always been musical, and they’ve been in a long string of bands over the year. love the idea of them currently being in a band w/ some rlly close pals and it’s just the combo that finally Fits ? like their ideas mesh well and they work well together and they have a lot of fun ?? whereas old bands just caused nev grief in the past a lot of the time ??

where emika’s general gender identity is ‘shrug emoji but i’ll go with what i think fits most’ nev’s is more,, they see gender as the spectrum it is, but they’ve just sort of astral projected behind her eyes style and is just an orb sort of floating around above said spectrum, vibing around. 

v aware i have messages to reply to btw ! i’ll be over on discord in a mo, feel free to shoot me an im if you wanna plot ! like i’ve said before, i’m 1000000% game for anything 

hopefully farrow’s intro gets up earlier and easier lmao love you all byeeeeee

[queen-of-the-avengers]

Fighting Your Battles

Characters: Tom Holland x Reader

Word Count: 1,547

Warnings: Fluff in the beginning, angst at the end

Request: Could you write a Tom Holland or Peter Parker oneshot where he finds out the reader has really bad depression/anxiety & he helps her through it? (i would 100% understand of you dont feel comfortable writing this btw)

Summary: Anxiety is always lurking around the corner for you. It’s worse when you’re in the dark and Tom knows just how bad it can get. Luckily for you, he is always there to help you.

Squares Filled: Singing in the Shower // Nyctophobia

Author’s Note: This is for @marvelfluffbingo and @marvelangstbingo . If you have any requests, please send them in! I would love to hear what you have! This is unbeta’d and any and all mistakes are all on me.

Feedback the glue that holds my writing together

Tags at the bottom

Before you started dating Tom Holland, you were a big fan of his. He was in a number of shows/movies that you loved, but your favorite one was Spiderman. Being a Marvel fan didn’t help, and when you got the opportunity to join him on set for a few days, you took it. Tom was hosting a contest on his Instagram and you jumped at the chance, hoping that you would be picked.

Low and behold, you were the winner and he flew you to London where he was filming his new Spiderman movie. You got to hang with him on set and he was allowed to take you into the city, which was one of the best times you could have ever had. Tom was so nice and funny, making you feel welcomed despite your anxiety just begging to be released. Ever since you were a child, you’ve had bad anxiety. It was worse when you were faced with the darkness.

There was something about the dark that ate at your anxiety. Maybe it was just you, but your mind liked to create creatures in your head that lurked just behind the shadows, waiting to grab at you when they got the chance. Ever since you could remember, you’ve slept with a nightlight and much to your displeasure, you still sleep with one.

You’ve tried to get help before but all the psychiatrists you’ve seen couldn’t help you, no matter how much medicine they’ve prescribed to you. They diagnosed you to have nyctophobia, which is the irrational fear of night time or the darkness. Over the years, you’ve learned to accept it because it wasn’t going anywhere, and the one person who didn’t give you shit about it was Tom.

It was near the end of your trip when he snuck over to your hotel room in the middle of the night because he wanted to hang out. You two had gotten close since you arrived, so it wasn’t strange that he would do this. You weren’t expecting him to come over, so you were in your bed, nightlight in its socket, and a book in hand.

He found out about your anxiety problem and decided to comfort you rather than laugh at you. He admitted he had an anxiety problem so he understood why you wanted a nightlight. Before Tom, you never really connected with someone as well as you connected with him. When your trip ended, you were sad you probably weren’t ever going to see him again. So, much to your surprise, when he asked you for his number, you honestly didn’t know what to do. You ended up giving it to him and 5 years later, you two were dating and living together.

He was your rock, and you didn't know what you would do without him. Instead of you leaving the life you build in New York to live with him in London, he was the one who moved. It wasn’t a big deal to him since he did a lot of traveling anyway. Because of his sacrifice, you had a feeling you two would be together for quite some time. It’s not often a man would move across the world just to live with you. Thomas was something different.

Lately, things had winded down after Tom was finished filming his latest movie. It hadn’t been released yet, but you’ve seen it in a private screening. No matter the movie genre, Tom never failed to surprise you. You knew he was a good actor before you met him but now that you got a taste of his personal life, it made his acting ten times stronger.

But, he was done with filming which meant that he was able to stay home with you. The upcoming weeks would be filled with movie nights, take out dinners, and being with one another. New York was a magical place but it had its downfalls. One of them being blackouts. It didn’t really help with your anxiety, but they were rare, so you didn’t worry too much about them. You tried not to think of your anxiety too much. Singing usually helped you calm down, and since you were busy thinking of tonight, you didn't want to seem anxious.

Picking one of your favorite Ariana Grande songs from her new album, you started to sing it loudly, knowing Tom was downstairs. The words flowed easily out of your mouth as you tried to harmonize. You weren’t the best singer in the world, but you couldn’t care enough to stop. Lathering shampoo in your hand, you slathered it on your hair, massaging it gently. You continued to sing your heart out, not hearing the door open and close.

Just keep breathin' and breathin' and breathin' and breathin' And oh, I gotta keep, keep on breathin' Just keep breathin' and breathin' and breathin' and breathin' And oh, I gotta keep, keep on breathin'

Sometimes it's hard to find, find my way up into the clouds Tune it out, they can be so loud You remind me of a time when things weren't so complicated All I need is to see your face

“You know, you sing better than you think, darling,” Tom said which caused you to jump 50 feet from your body.

“You scared me,” you said, as you quickly rinsed the shampoo out of your hair. When you were done, you slid the curtain opened to look at his face.

“Sorry, you know I love the sound of your voice,” Tom smiled at you.

“Okay, I know you’re here to sneak up on me. What’s up? I’m almost done in here.”

“I just called the restaurant to confirm our reservation, but they’ve told me I wasn’t on the list. They don’t know what happened, and I tried making a new one, but the wait time is far too long. Do you think you’d be okay with me making dinner tonight?”

“You know I don’t mind. I’d actually rather just stay in with you. We can have dinner and then a movie night? I’ve laid out the movies I’d like to watch,” you grinned.

“Yes, I saw them. So, you’d rather watch Tobey Maguire and Andrew Garfield but not me? I am a little offended,” Tom smiled despite his words.

“You know I love your Spiderman movie, I just like the plot line a little better in the other ones. I promise, I’m not cheating on your Spiderman,” you giggled.

“I know, I’m teasing you. I’ll be downstairs when you’re done. You should still wear the dress you have out,” Tom nodded as he walked to the door.

“You think so?”

“I know so,” he winked at you before leaving the bathroom. You chuckled and went back to your shower and your song. As you were nearing the end of the song, you grabbed the bar of soap to wash your body when the lights turned off in the bathroom. Almost instantly, fear spiked in your mind as your heart rate increased.

“TOM!” you screamed, dropping the bar of soap. You didn't know why the lights were off, all you knew is that you needed to get to a source of light. It’s one thing to be in the dark while in your room or the kitchen, but to be stuck in the dark while in the bathroom, that was a whole different ballpark. Feeling around the shower, you quickly turned off the water and pulled back the curtains.

“TOM!!!” you screamed again, stepping out of the shower. Tears brimmed the surface of your eyes as they tried to adjust to the darkness. Your hand made contact with the marble countertop and tried to feel your way to the door. Yes, you were still naked, but you couldn’t care about that.

Instantly, your mind created lurking monsters, ready to grab you at any moment. Growing up, you called these monsters your demons, and they very well could be. As you made your way to the door, you connected with a hard body just as arms wrapped around you. Almost instantaneously, a scream left you as you tried to get away. Somehow, you thought your monsters materialized and were ready to grab you.

“Y/N, you’re okay, it’s just me,” Tom said and you fell into his body, letting out the sob that begged to be released the moment the lights turned off.

“I’m scared, Tom,” you cried as your shoulders shook. “They’re going to get me. Don’t let them get me.”

“You’re going to be okay. I’m right here, I won’t let anyone touch you,” he stated as he wrapped a towel around your quivering body. He pulled out his phone and turned on the flashlight so you could see what was around you. When you looked up at his face, you could see from the corner of your eyes, the monsters shying away from the light.

“They’re all around us,” you whispered, fear gripping your voice as well as covering your features.

“Darling, look at me,” Tom spoke, turning the phone so the flashlight pointed upward, and illuminated his face. “No one is here but us. There are no monsters, that's just your mind playing tricks on you. Besides, if there were, I wouldn’t let them touch you. Come on, let’s go downstairs where the candles are. We can’t have dinner since it’s a blackout but we can order something. You’re perfectly safe with me.”

“Don’t leave me,” you cried, letting the tears fall freely.

“I won’t ever leave you. Come on, take my hand,” Tom held out his hand which you took, “I’m right here.”

“Okay,” you whispered, and if he weren’t standing so close to you, he probably wouldn’t have heard it. Tom gently and slowly led you out of the bathroom, your bedroom, and to the stairs. Slowly, he directed you down, knowing you needed to go slow. When you got like this, he had to treat you with such delicacy or else you would have a bad panic attack, and have what he calls “blackouts”. You gripped his hand tightly, and despite your efforts, you couldn’t calm your racing heart.

“Tom, I’m scared,” you shivered, but he didn’t stop.

“I know you are, darling. We’re almost there. You’re doing great, I’m so proud of you,” he encouraged you to make it to the living room. “Okay, just wait here and I’ll get the candles…”

“No, I don’t want to be alone. Please, take me with you,” you begged.

“Okay, okay, let’s go to the kitchen,” Tom didn't argue with you and took you to the kitchen. Both of you searched and grabbed as many candles as you could. The more you had, the better you would feel. Going back to the living room, you used Tom’s phone camera to set them around the room. After you were done, you sat on the couch while Tom lit all the candles. The dimness the candles provided wasn’t ideal, but it was better than sitting in the dark.

“Okay, I’m going to go upstairs and get you some clothes. Will you be okay?” Tom asked, and you nodded. You had to get over this fear and to do that, you had to be alone in the dim light. “I’ll be 2 minutes,” Tom left you alone and rushed up the stairs, eager to get back to you as soon as possible.

Monsters that your mind created, stood in the shadows, watching you. Some of them laughed, some of them sneered but most of them just stared at you. There were so many creatures around you, that you had to tell yourself they weren’t real.

“Go away, you’re not real,” you whispered to yourself, bringing your knees to your chest. The towel fell from your body, leaving you exposed to whoever was watching you. The demons hissed and sneered at you, but you covered your ears to block the sounds out.

“Please go away. I don’t want you here. Leave me alone. Tom!!” you yelled for him. He usually made them go away.

“I’m right here,” he said from behind you. You jumped, not expecting him to be this close to you. “You’re alright. I’m here.” He moved to the front of the couch and helped you put on his clothes. He knew how much you liked it when you wore his clothing.

“Make them go away,” you sniffled, staring at him with puffy eyes, “please.”

“Okay, how about this,” he started to say as he took a seat next to you on the couch. He made sure you were paying attention to him and nothing else, “what kind of date do you want to go on?”

“What do you mean?” you sniffled.

“Tell me your perfect date. Where you want to go, what you want to do, who you want to be with,” Tom smiled.

“Well, I want it to be with you,” you smiled, some of the demons disappearing. “We’d go to my favorite place to hang out when I was a kid. I’d go there all the time to be alone. There is a park near my childhood house and if you go deep enough into the woods, you’d see a tree--my tree--with a big, hollowed out trunk. I’d take blankets and books there, only to have my parents yell at me when they couldn’t find the stuff I had taken. I’d love to go back there with you. It’s not far from here, actually.”

“I’d love to go there with you. It sounds like a lovely place,” Tom smiled. You were about to say more about it when you looked behind Tom and didn’t see anything. The demons your mind concocted had been long gone. Your mind was free of the poison your anxiety filled you with.

“Tom?” you whispered.

“Yes, love?”

“They’re gone. All of them are just… gone.”

“I knew you could do it,” Tom smiled and pulled you into his body. “You did it all on your own.”

“You make them go away,” you whispered, and settled into his body.

“I would suggest we watch those movies you wanted, but seeing how the power is out, why don’t I get my laptop and we can watch something on Youtube, yeah?”

“Sounds perfect,” you smiled, and he let you go to stand up.

“You’re going to be okay while I’m gone?”

“Yeah, I go this,” you smiled, confident in yourself to keep the demons at bay.

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[pixelated-alien]

Honestly dissociating with BPD (for me) is the goddamn most annoying, inconvenient thing. Why? I'll fuckin tell you every goddamn reason. I KNOW EACH. FUCKING. PERSONALITY. THAT IM DEALING WITH. Imagine technically being in your right mind, but SHARING that space with the personality who is incredibly anxious about everything and feels like everyone is mad at you and you then become depressed about it. Or sometimes you're sharing space with the angry bitch and you KNOW you're going off on someone for no fuckin reason but oh fuckin well this is what we're doing right now. It SUCKS. Cause you KNOW what's going on. You KNOW this shit is an irrational emotion but you just gotta sit there and fucking wait cause these personalities are dominant in the moment because something triggered it. So naturally your brain wants to overreact and overcompensate for every emotion you ARENT feeling at appropriate times. I'm still learning about my BPD, but so far I know almost each personality I deal with. I unfortunately have no idea how to stop them or make up for the harm that I cause other people after I split. Also, these are words I HATE using. Not because it's what it actually is, but because of the negative connotation behind them. Someone says anything about a multiple personality and immediately you're crazy. And nothing hurts more than someone who doesn't understand or isn't patient with you about these things. Especially since there isn't anything I can do. And it hurts that I know it's happening but never DURING an episode where someone else is involved can I say, "hey btw this is actually me talking. I'm having an episode right now (or whatever you want to call it) and I'm very sorry. Please just bear with me. To help, try doing these things: ......" But I am 100% thinking these things and my dominant personality at the time isn't letting me speak. I feel like I've been kidnapped by my own body and brain and it's a terrifying experience.

[whatitdobabybew]

Anxious and stressed

I’m so anxious. It’s like I can never catch a break with myself.

I put what seems like unrealistic goals infront of me and just hope I can actually pull through it. Like right now I’m stressing another apartment because I’m unsure if my roommate is going to want to room with me anymore. Every time I bring the topic up she gets quite and I just can’t live like that, like I need to know. I need security I hate having my future up in the air. It makes me resent her a tiny bit honestly.

So with that I have this unreasonable fear of having to move back to my parents house and that’s something I can’t do. And I think that’s where all my anxiety is stemming from. I love my family. I do. But my parents relationship is so unhealthy and my father is seriously the worst person to live with.

I sometimes wonder if I’m like him. Like with my roommate. I don’t want to be like him towards her.

Sometimes I get annoyed because she’s just careless and doesn’t clean up after herself at all.

She was having a couple of glasses of wine with her boyfriend and then goes upstairs and leaves the glasses there on the floor. I wanted to call her downstairs and be like look bitch these are the things that I’m talking about. But honestly it’s not even worth it. She gets super defensive and has a nasty little attitude.( or maybe I’m just fucking sensitive) And I just don’t want to deal with that bullshit. I sometimes laugh to myself and think damn this is my karma, because I was the exact same way at my house. But I was comfortable in doing that.

Maybe my roommate is just comfortable in being messy. But I’m not. Don’t leave the living space a mess. Clean up. Even if it’s not your mess. She is so careless that she forgets her own messes and idk if I should just laugh about it or get upset. I honestly don’t even know what to do. I can’t talk about it with anyone because she’s my friend at the end of the day and with out her I wouldn’t be where I am. Like I have an awesome town house apartment with rent being cheap as fuck for Miami. I guess this is the price I pay. But it’s worth it. I would literally prefer having to pick up after someone than live with my family again.

Wow this feels great. To actually write out my thoughts. And reflect. It gives me insight on myself I feel like I can read this back to myself and then just give myself advice. I mean I give everyone advice why can’t I reflect inwardly and do the same?

Ugh idk I’m a mess, also on the brink of getting my period so god knows my emotions and sensitivity is at a all time high. I hate being understanding. Sometimes I just don’t want to be. But it’s common sense. If I think things logically and not let my emotions get the best of me then I’ll be ok. But that’s easier said than done you know. I’m a wreck if I can’t talk about things like this with someone. I mean most of the time I just need to talk to someone just so that they can hear me out and let me know I’m heard or maybe if I’m being to irrational or emotional, I need others perspectives from time to time but ultimately I’ll always side with what sits right with me.

Like the other day I did something I wish I wouldn’t have. I went to my superior at work because I was upset and felt uncomfortable with my manager. But lowkey I really wanted her to get reprimanded. Whatever she ended up not really getting told anything and then me and her had a talk and then I pulled tears out of my ass to just have her overlook everything. I know I’m a manipulative asshole but that bitch controls my schedule and my money. I don’t think I’ll ever do that again tho to be completely honest. Sometimes you just got to take the L and let karma or whatever force or entity you want to call it just take care of it. Plus she’s a mother raising her son and who the fuck am I to fuck her life up like that. That brought me a bunch of guilt, not only that but my roommate was pissed because she didn’t want to be in the middle of it because she knows how petty my manager is. I should have listened to her honestly. I wish I could talk to her openly about things but idk I don’t think she cares.

Oh and last but not least of my anxieties..... drum roll please .... ITS ABOUT A GUY.

I know surprising right? Haha

Yea so I’m obsessed with this guy who has been coming into the bar I work at frequently.

I don’t know what it is about this guy but I’m soooooo enticed by him.

But Venus is in retrograde ahahhhhhhhh I’m over it. Like whyyyyyyyy. Whatever I’m going to have fun writing this out so here we go. Btw there are two guys actually maybe three or four? Actually I really shouldn’t be stressing right now because I’ve just realized I have so many other options that if this one didn’t work out I could totally just go to any of the other guys and be completely content for the moment being. Whatever, I guess I use guys but I just want to be loved and wanted ok. I have major daddy and mommy issues.

ANYWAYS this guy lol

So it was just an average shift on an average day of the week. Like nothing significant or different besides that this day I actually did my make up and my hair was looking fabulous. Besides the point. I was feeling myself and was very confident somewhat. So I was behind that bar working it , I knew I was going to at least break $200 easily. So I wasn’t to worried about anything back there. UNTIL this fucking guy walks in. And my god when I saw him I just was like omg. Idk I was instantly attracted to him and of course like the stupid idiot that I am I didn’t talk to him at all. Haha I was way to nervous. This guy was so cute. He has such a gorgeous smile and his eyes idk I was super infatuated from the moment I saw him I even had my manger check him out for me like who am iiiiiiiiiiii.

Anyways I couldn’t tell if he was tall so I figured he was short so I just canceled him and payed no mind to him. Mind you I’m 5’8. I’m working the bar and my other coworker is talking to them and whatever and he’s like lowkey trying to get my attention with out being to obvious but come on I notice everything. Or so I think I do. But I pay no mind to him or his friend. Then as they leave I notice how tall he is and instantly my attraction to him grew. As they were leaving we teased them and was like why are you guys leaving and they tell us that they will be back. I didn’t really believe it like how and why would this guy come back he’s so out of my league. But guess what he comes back and this time with two more friends. Long story short I ignore them again. Take care of everyone else but them. And that’s when he starts saying things. He talks loud enough for me to hear him but then gets quite when I look. Childish but extremely charming. It’s playful and fun and I love a good tease. Even if it’s innocent. So whatever they’re talking to us and he asks me where I’m from, nonchalantly. At first I thought he was asking my coworker but then he was like no you where are you from and then I told him, then he told his friend that he liked “Becky” which happens to be my name. And I causally nonchalantly say yea most guys do, and I walk away lol. His expression was priceless. I loved it. Later we get on the topic of age and I tell them I’m 24 and he kinda seems shocked like yea no way. Then I ask him how old he is and he won’t tell me he just smiles and looks away and I tease him and tell him that he seems to be taking quite a while to tell me his age, what he doesn’t know how old he is? And he just doesn’t say anything so I notice that I put him on the spot so to ease it I start asking his friends and they go down the line and then when I get to him he asks me to guess, I guess to see what I think about him, and so I answered that he was 12 and moved on to his other friend and they all started laughing. That’s my way of flirting with him. So then they are all laughing and he tells me that I got the second number right, so I ask him 22? And he just nods his head and says yea and I just go all out and talk baby to him. I’m like ahhhhhhh how cute look at that face he’s only 22. I know he got shy when I did that but I loveddddd it. He was trying to show me that age was nothing and that he was a great time. When I handed him his check he asked me if that was my number and I laughed and said yea and him and his friend both went to grab it. Haha I was kinda like in shock by that reaction. But then I teased and said if you want my number you’re going to have to ask for it. Lol

His friend was like he wants your number just give it to him and I said he has to ask me and that I would eat him up , referencing to his age. And he was just next to him acting like he didn’t hear me. And so I write my number and give it to my coworker and she hands it to them and idk what happened I got shy and went to the back, I didn’t even say bye. I was scared of rejection more than anything

So they left that day and I just couldn’t stop thinking about him. I text my roommate all about him and she’s like an FBI agent, we looked up his universtity and luckily he was on one of the sports team which thank god Bc there was no way I would ever have found him. So we look at the roster find out his name and boom I find most of his social media. By the second day I just couldn’t hold myself back and added him on insta and he added me immediately back.... I was in shock. Then he comes into my job again for the third time in a week and he’s with his family this time. He tells his waitress to tell me that he’s there, so I go to the table and it was awkward af he tried to play it cool but I definitely put him on the spot lol so whatever he tells me he ordered a drink and that he wanted me to make it. So I do and give it to him. And then that’s it. As he’s leaving I see him and I wave goodbye. And he waves bye too and all his boys are rubbing his shoulders like he won something it was cute.

Fast forward a couple of days he’s in my DMs not to consistent but consistent enough. And we talk a couple of times back and forth. Then he asks me what my work schedule is. And so the next time I worked guess who showed up? His two friends, I recognize them and greet them and take care of them get there bill discounted and as they leave I tell them bye nice seeing you guys again, and just as they were leaving I tell them tell your friend I said hi, and they were like oh we will but he’s going to be here later we will be back. And then later came and he was there. AND I GOT SUPER NERVOUS AND MADE MYSELF SEEM BUSY. Ugh . He would call me over occasionally just to talk and his friends just ruined it lol saying he was playing backwards. That he was playing hard to get and I jokingly say well aren’t I supposed to be playing hard to get and he’s just quite put on the spot and I can tell he’s uncomfortable so I just laugh it off and change the subject for him. But uh he was winking at me and flirting so hard and I had no where to hide because hello I work At a bar that’s shaped like a horse show.

So whatever he leaves and I get kinda sad and am like wow you’re leaving? And he tells me he would be back the next day and well he never did. But then guess what today he went in and my coworkers obviously know who he is because hello he’s been coming in for me lol. And they said he was looking for me like looking around and I thought that was really sweet. But idk what am I to do? That’s it

And here I am letting it get the best of me. I start doubting myself like maybe he doesn’t like me ? Maybe I’m just way to over my head reading things incorrectly but then again why would his friends just say all of that. Idk I hope he comes in again or something I want to get to know him I want to know what’s his deal. But I’m super nervous. That anxious little voice gets the best of me. And I just need it to stop. I need to stop slef sabotaging myself. I always do this. I did the same thing with manny, I was doubting him so much, like why would he want to be with someone like me? And I demanded that he would tell me how he felt about me I needed him to constantly re assure me that he liked me and honestly, if I met someone who was like that with me I would really curve that like I can’t deal with that. So I don’t blame for that relationship to end the way it did.

So I need to stop. Just let things go and stop over reading the small details and just let things happen naturally, if he really is interested I feel like he will show it and I know I will reciprocate. But time will deal all of this.

I wish I could just get a little glimpse of the future or some reassurance. But I will never get that. I can’t think that I can control everything. So I kinda need to fucking stop.

So yea there are my lists of anxieties and what’s been occupying my mind the most. I would talk about the other guys but they’re not that important yet.

[marlaalcott]

I'm going to make a post about OCD.

Let's start with some very very basic background story on my OCD. I have struggled with this illness for a long time. I can trace it back to as early as age 9/10. I have no recollection whether it existed beforehand, but even as a child I could recognize that I was doing things that didn't feel "normal" without rationalized/logical explanation. I felt overwhelming compulsions to carry out the actions.

In retrospect, the earliest symptoms that I can recall aligned with the period of my life that my brother was in a near fatal car accident (that's a whole other emotional post in itself). Irregular thoughts and actions for sure started at that point.

I don't know precisely what age this began, or if it existed before said car accident, but I also remember having hoarding tendencies for useless inanimate objects. I shared a bedroom with my brother, and in it we had these 2 dressers that were stacked on top of each other (we didn't have a lot of space). The open area/gap that existed between the dressers became a storage place for me. I used to put a lot of stuff in there. Most of it was useless crap. For example: I remember saving wrappers from Spice Girl bubblegum and lollipops.

There was also a time in my early teens that I used to save transit tickets. I legit was able to pick up any given transfer, look at the time and date, and remember exactly where I went and who I was with. They held sentiment and served as keepsakes.

Fast forward through my mid teenage years. I seemed to have fought off my illness for the most part during this period. By the time I met my life partner in my late teens, he described my outwardly strange actions as nothing more than "quirks". Yes. He agreed that some of the stuff I did seemed strange, but not outright crazy.

In my early 20's I had a full on OCD crash. The illness litterally consumed my entire existence. The 2 people who were closest to me watched and stood by as my sanity crumbled like the Roman Empire. I was lost. I was a shell of myself. It was rock bottom at that point in my life. My own personal hell. Something I would never wish on anyone. I strongly believe this was also the catalyst for the demise of my romantic relationship. My illness drove away the one person I loved more than anyone or anything in the world. And that fucking sucks. (More on that another day!).

Anyways. Let's fast forward to the present. I have tried my best to keep it under wraps the best that I can since way back then. It comes and goes varying severity, but luckily it hasn't been anything nearly as bad as back then. I battle it every waking moment of my existence.

Now let's speed up to the past few days. An incident took place Monday night/into Tuesday, that I'm not OK with. I entered into it willingly. Nothing "wrong" happened per se, but fuck if I felt anything but wrong afterwards. Here's some more back story to my current life and the situation at hand. I have spent the past year and a half living in denial of my still existent love for my ex. He broke up with me last May, and we have had nothing short of a rocky road since. We are 2 puzzle pieces that no longer fit together (there will be numerous posts on the topic of my heartache in the future). Not too long after we split, I had a sexual encounter that I consider non consensual. I refuse to classify it as r*pe due to the intense ramifications of that definition, but what took place was certainly not OK. To say the least. (Side note, that guy is a douchebag). I didn't handle the aftermath of that incident well. I made an effort to seek the help that I needed, but it fell through due to horrible management who denied my request to go to hospital emergency (because y'know. My 4 hour shift in a part time retail environment was the most important thing in the world!). Ugh.

Time carried on, and I fought through each passing day with mounting hurt and emotional trauma that stemmed from the devastation of the loss of a marriage (essentially), and then the non consensual scenario. Somehow I've made it through the last year running from all of this fuckery.

Yesterday a snippet of the buried trauma came creeping back in. I turned to 4 of my close friends for consoling. It was needed. I gained 4 different insights to try and put the situation into perspective. At the end of the day the most important questions were "Why do I feel guilty?" "Why do I have so much anxiety?" "Why do I feel "icky/dirty"?" The shitty thing is that I couldn't answer any of these questions with any amount of definitive clarity.

I have learned a few things though: I am NOT ready for sexual relations with any new human beings. As it turns out, I value sex as more of a sacred and spiritual connectiveness act than I previously thought I did. My heart and body still metaphorically belong to someone else (even though in reality they are MINE). I also believe that I need to be in love and part of an established relationship before I can consider engaging in any sexual acts. I need a foundation.

I didn't get any sleep Monday night. (Half an hour in and out consciousness if I'm lucky). But fuck if my OCD didn't kick my ass. My primary struggles are "contamination" oriented, coupled with magical thinking (I'll make a separate post with a more in depth definition of magical thinking). When those 2 are combined, you get me as a result! And God damn it is hell on earth.

Here's what happened. And I don't expect anyone to understand any of this (unless you have OCD as well).

I came home and headed straight into my room (as I usually do) to remove my boots and socks. My dogs came to greet me and tried to give me kisses, but I denied said kisses because I didn't want "oral sex germs" on my babies. I headed into the shower, got out, and then continued to commence my usual after shower routine. Here's where shit started to hit the fan. I grabbed a cotton pad and sprayed my toner onto it to wipe my face, and BAM. Magical thinking contamination OCD brain kicked in! I thought to myself "I haven't brushed my teeth yet. The inside of my mouth is still contaminated. What if the cotton pad spread those still existent germs onto my clean face?". I tried to ignore my irrational concerns and carried on. I applied moisturizer and the rest of my face products, put hair product in my hair, deodorant on the pits, I peed, then I exited the bathroom and got dressed. When I was done all that I acquired my toothbrush and brought it back into the bathroom to brush my teeth. When I finished brushing, I broke down. I used hand soap to rewash my entire face, but I couldn't shake the feelings that my face was contaminated. So back into the shower I went! 2 showers. 2 FUCKING SHOWERS. FML. And when I got out the second time, I had a hard time believing that I even brushed my teeth to begin with (yay magical thinking brain for being able to convince myself of untruths!). I got through it all and went out to see a friend, but when I got home my anxiety was still fucked and I felt unsafe in my bed.

I got lots of MUCH NEEDED sleep, but I still felt "scared" of my bedding when I woke up. That fear did not diminish with the sleep. Remember how I said I took off my boots when I got home? Yeah. My "dirty" clothes touched my bedding. *Gasp*

I was supposed to see a couple of close friends today, but she had to cancel. So I succumbed to my OCD! I full spiraled. Like I did years ago. I legitimately felt my brain unraveling into that same insanity. I recognized this place. I have been there before. And my biggest fear is falling right off the rails again.

After I was cancelled on, I didn't know what to do with myself or my day. I was also emotionally worked up and anxious, because I had just looked at my exes Facebook page (this is a form of self harm for me. Seeing his public flirtations with his new love interest, is more than I can handle at this time in my life). So into the wash half of my bedding goes! And then I hopped back into the shower, sat down, and cried under the running hot water while asking higher powers to help me. All in all I have rewashed bedding that was already cleaned not even a week ago along with some clothing (clothing that included what I wore into the hotel Monday night), and showered twice. Totally unnecessary, but fuck. At least I feel calmer.

I think my OCD is coming back into play as a control mechanism. My ex is building a new life for himself along with a new partner, and it's my mind's way of easing itself. Everything is falling apart (hopefully to eventually come back together), and my illness is resurfacing in attempts to regain some kind of power. (I'm scared of my toothbrush btw).

I believe suppressed feelings of my non consensual sexual encounter from last year also resurfaced yesterday. Disclaimer: This incident was with someone I know and trust. It wasn't "wrong", but it felt wrong for me. I am NOT someone who can do the whole NSA/FWB thing. I learned about myself!

The guy I was with even made a few comments along the way of being concerned about my fragility. Turns out, he was right! I guess he knows aspects of myself better than I even do. :(

Today was a huge OCD failure. I NEED a psychiatrist referral. I don't want to go back to my dark place.

[lexisree]

My Shit Life

Or:  I really should see a therapist but I can't so I'm going to let all of my issues out in the air

WARNING: Possible Triggers (?); Probably very TMI and personal; maybe second-hand embarrassment; depression and anxiety are very real and honestly exposed in this; honest & brutal fears

IF ANY OF THIS MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE PLEASE USE DISCRETION WHEN READING OR DON'T READ IT AT ALL

Thanks for reading, I hope it helps you maybe or just brings a stronger sense of understanding about something.

I’M REALLY ANXIOUS ABOUT POSINT THIS BUT I REALLY THINK I NEED TO BECUASE I NEED HELP AND HONESTY AND THIS IS JUST THE FIRST STEP - for me anyway

Okay so recently, I've had a bit of a, uh, coming out thing (ish) to my family - more specifically my dad and step-sister, seeing as my mom already knows I'm at least bisexual.  Although, it's ... more than that.  

Like, there's some background that would make it easier to understand things eventually and I ... really need to get things off my chest.  I mean, before you really get too invested or I start anything in regards to letting stuff out, you should know that my ... mental heath is really not at it's best at the moment (hasn't been for a very long time, I don't think) and it's not that I have any kind of doctor notice or anything to know that.  

But I really need therapy, I know I do.  I need someone to help and honestly just listen and fix things but I just ... I can't yet.  I just can't.

But I do have a very intelligent friend taking psychology courses (I also know how to research and look things up and think for myself) that I ... probably rely on far too much to be healthy, but she's trying to help me, but it ... just doesn't work that way, I know she's not certified and she's not objective and unbiased and it's just so hard to talk to people that aren't.

That's why I'm doing this.  This is my first step I think, to actually getting my shit together and getting therapy and honest help, so ... jeez, yeah.  I'm gonna fucking try to do this even though my brain is saying

no, no, no, no, STOP THIS DON'T, these people are going to judge you, they're going to look at this and see a sob story, they're going to think you want fucking attention that you don't actually have problems that you're a DISGRACE!

But I won't fucking let myself stop, I'll fucking do this and I'm gonna do it and fuck, I'm getting off topic again and I need to stop procrastinating.

Anyway, knowing the background is important for you to understand why everything is so confusing; just why I'm terrified and angry and also a little bit relieved and overwhelmed to know that I'm just so different.  I am not, and probably never will be, cis.  I don't feel comfortable in my own skin a lot of the time, I feel very gross and almost like an imposter some days - but others I don't.  Some days I'm very confident and strong in the knowledge that I'm biologically a female.

I'm also sometimes attracted to men, other days to women, and often enough, nonbinary as well - so you would think I'd be pansexual right?  But that doesn't feel right either.  I don't fit into any kind of mould because sometimes I don't even fell attracted to anyone - that can go on for days or weeks, and even months.  

And it's terrifying.

Why is it terrifying?  Well, read my 'backstory' first, because it will give a lot of context that would make more sense than just "lowkey control issues and apathetic tendencies."

So like, I grew up in a very religious home (until I'd hit my teens that is - everything went to shit thereafter) and both my mom and my dad were very conservative - like most of the family - and I was just always told I was going to be a certain way, live a certain life, and held to certain expectations and I never really got around to not believing it (even if it was a subconscious kind of thing).  

Growing up, I was almost always dressed in "boy's" hand-me-downs, which I never had a problem with, it was always comfortable and genuinely what I liked.  But then elementary and middle school came and both my parents and my sister (who at this point I don't even really talk much to anymore - and she's one of the 3 blood-relatives I even associate with) have started to kinda just ignore that I exist.

My sister ... went through a lot of shit during that time, and honestly, it felt like I was just left to flounder through everything on my own because I wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary.  I made A's and B's in school, I was in Art Club and Drama during elementary and Art Club and Band during middle school, and just Band during my first year of High School.  

I had like, a few acquaintances that I was stubbornly insisting were friends (they really weren't) and just overall feeling very, very alone. I didn't really know at the time that I was depressed, didn't know that I was developing bad habits and honestly probably should have asked for help at that time (especially since I was around someone going through what I could have been - what I probably would have turned into if I wasn't stubborn as fuck).

It was also just around that time - right between ages 12 and 14 - that I started to realize that I ... didn't really like people.  Not in the way all the kids around me seemed to anyway.  I didn't seem to think people were attractive in any way other than aesthetically.  Like, I'd be able to say that someone was pretty or handsome or objectively appealing ... but that was it.  It was all objective and felt very detached.  And I hated that.

At the time I'd not really yet learned how to just ... ignore everyone else (as I'd only developed my very frightening apathetic mask until after I'd turned 14).  I felt very confused and alone and constantly paranoid because what if someone found out, what if my parents figure it out, what would my sister do - I don't want to be like that.

I was always scared and constantly stressed and I'd soon developed the ... worst of my habits.  I started to bottle things - rarely letting them out, and, like, the only way I could - or really, would - let them out, was through the arts.  

I picked up poetry (and honestly, I think this was the closest to an 'emo phase' I've ever been in, but it was just ... so much more than that) right around that time as well, and it wasn't until during my 8th grade school year that I finally started to think that maybe I was depressed.  

At the time I was still 12 (it was the beginning of the school year - August/September - and my BDay is in November) and my grandmother (Memaw - she was my (step)dad's mom btw) had just passed away ... and she was literally the only person in my family at the time that paid attention to me.  She was the only one that listened and helped and just seemed to care.  

When she passed away, I was ... I was very lost, I don't deny it.  

I also started to fully develop my anxiety during that time (not that I knew what the fuck any of this shit was) and I was ... I was very confused and scared and honestly just really lost during that time.  

But then I'd started marching band (I played the flute) and felt like I had a reason and started making friends - actual friends - but come the end of my freshman year my family (that is, me, my mom, my dad, and my sister) all ended up moving half-way across the country because my dad's son (so my step-brother with literally no blood relation to me at all) had kidney failure and my dad was a possible donor.

Three years after the move (and a lot of anxiety and depression and fear on my part) the surgery finally happened.  And while I was very glad and relieved for everything working out, I was so far gone in my anxiety by this point that I ... that I couldn't even .. I coudn't fucking muster up the will and strength to visit their fucking hospital room I coudn't fucking - I couldn't curb the anxiety enough to visit my dad - one of the most important people in my life - in his hospital room after he'd selflessly given up his kidney (and there was no hesitation at all and dad is just such a good man) and was in surgery for hours.

And I felt like the scum of the earth.

I can't - I can't tell you how much I hated myself for that.  I hated that I just - I couldn't fucking get my shit together and go see my dad as he laid prone on a hospital bed after doing one of the most amazing, selfless, wonderful things ever.  

I ... I can't even.  I cried, and still do (read: as I write this) when I think about it because - because he, he doesn't blame me for it.  He doesn't hold it against me and sometimes I think that he should.  He should feel sad or angry or something!  

It was really around that time that I decided that - that this was a problem.  

My dad - who'd taken care of me for no reason other than he cared and stayed with my mom even tho their marriage was long over by the time I could really understand.  My dad - who doesn't even have any blood relation to me, and yet still cares and lets me stay with him on the weekends, and is always there even after he and my mom split.

My dad, who I didn't even know wasn't my "father" until after I'd turned 7, never once made me feel inferior for who I was born to, what I felt, how I handled things ... the man that means so much to me.  

And yet I feel a constant irrational need to meet his expectations (even tho I know all he wants is to see me be successful and happy) and constant irrational fear that he won't want to be my dad anymore once he - once - fuck

once he realizes I'm fucked up and scared and wrong

And like, I know it's irrational and stupid and dumb because he isn't like that - I KNOW THAT - but like my anxiety and fears won't let me believe it. And that's why I have such a hard time coming to terms with who I am.  

Becuase I can't even muster up the courage to face my dad and say 'I need therapy' or 'hey, dad .. I'm queer' or even just 'dad .. I think I need some help.' because I don't want to let him down and it's just so overwhelming sometimes.

But then there's also the issue with my mom.  I love my mom, don't get me wrong - I really do.  I love her very much, but ... but I don't really - .. like her sometimes.  I don't like that she has a double standard set for me and my sibling(s) - that she expects me to be someone I'm not.  How she assumes I'm okay and honestly just have a small case of depression and/or anxiety and that can be fixed.

I don't like that, now that my sister has moved out (my biological sister that is) my mom has decided to hinder me from becoming someone - getting my life together, getting a degree, making progress ... all in a selfish attempt to 'keep her chicks in the next.' or something

I have serious issues - more than just depression and anxiety and fear.  I don't have any idea of my sexual identity, my biological identity (because I know I'm not cis, and the only thing that I can put it in is 'fluid' but it's not really that either) - I don't know a lot of things about myself and it's terrifying.

But I want to fix it.  I want - need - the help.  

I'm just at that point in my life where everything is shit, I have no idea what to do or how to do it and there's honestly there's just so much I could do, so much I have to do ... and it's daunting and scary and honestly just so stressful and probably going to give me heart failure but I want to get better.

And if there's one thing I've learned, is that you can't help someone if they don't want to be helped and that goes both ways.  You can't get help unless you admit you need it and seek it out.

I just hope that what (admittedly heavy but still little) I've shared of my fears and needs and honest issues actually goes into helping you out, because I've learned that you can glean just about anything from someone else's story that may just help you.