#i know that a lot is dependent on the therapeutic relationship

[burninglilys]

the psychiatrist in the eighth sense is annoying me quite a bit 😐

[daistea]

(Def not King lurkin into your asks)

Saw that you take requests,,, 👀

What's your thoughts on a sexual relationship with Mithrun? I always get a little stumped with those requests, and you're just *chefs kiss* when it comes to your characterization of him

CRIES HELLO THANK U ILY

ummm tw: spoilers maybe? and nsfw

.・゜゜・　　・゜゜・．

Pre-Demon

Mithrun is a total slut, sorry.

That's not a bad thing, obviously, it's just what he is. I mean, he doesn't admit or acknowledge it. He has a very difficult time accepting his preferences. He's just a slut in denial.

That's all.

Pre-Ending, Post-Trauma

Mithrun hasn't had a real boner in forty years, sorry.

He has no interest in being intimate with anyone. He's really casual about the subject, though, because the Canaries--- sans Pattadol--- are pretty honest and open with each other. Shameless.

Fleki thinks he needs to get laid, but she doesn't care enough to push the subject.

Mithrun isn't emotionless, though. He's just preoccupied. His sex drive is extremely low at this point. However, he's observant enough about others to notice how you feel.

He'll have sex just for the sake of having it. He's kinda forgotten how it feels. And he still has pleasure receptors and nerves and all that nonsense. He can still physically react. You just have to do some work. He's not going to be super enthusiastic, but still consenting ofc

Mithrun is a total pillow princess at this point.

It's a bit calming, actually. Kind of therapeutic.

He's relatively quiet, but sometimes he can't help but exhale shakily, or groan. His touches are light. He's not very passionate. But sometimes he looks at you with these slightly dark expressions, as if he's considering something more. Something you don't quite understand.

Post-Canon

It starts out slowly. Mithrun doesn't immediately regain a sex drive. It needs cultivating.

The first time is really important. Depending on who you are and what you're like, it could range from soft and explorative, to rough and frantic.

Mithrun is a switch. I see a lot of depictions of him as a bottom, and I see that point of view, I really do. But I genuinely believe he'd work both roles. He would like to be dominant sometimes. Other times, he just wants to sit back and let the new feelings take over.

He likes being called a good boy.

He doesn't really enjoy the fact that he likes being called that. It's demeaning and it kind of makes him a little irritated, but holy crap does it set him on fire. 'Good boy' should only be invoked in the most passionate or rough of moments.

Mithrun can be rough when he feels like it. He can push you against a wall with the intent to make you forget your own name. He can leave bruises with how tightly he digs his fingers in. He bites, as always, but harder.

Speaking of biting, he'll usually bite your shoulder to keep himself from making much noise.

Mithrun wants to consume you entirely. He wants every inch of you. Your focus should be on him and him only. He likes hearing his name from your lips. Over and over. And he will often ask you who you belong to. He sounds calm in those moments, though, level-headed and scratchy as always, but there's a hint of expectance between his words.

He'll say it back, too, but in a very casual way, as if he doesn't quite understand why you want him to say that. Of course he's yours. Does it need to be acknowledged?

He has no shame, either. Anywhere, any time, if he wants it then he'll initiate it. He only pulls you into private alleys or closets because he knows that's what you prefer.

When you take charge, he enjoys that too. He likes looking up at you, taking in the view, letting his hands wander.

Whether he's top or bottom really depends on his mood.

If he's feeling especially jealous or possessive, he leaves a lot of marks.

He likes praise. He doesn't really give it back, though.

He's not very talkative during the deed, but if you talk often he'll just end up clamping a hand over your mouth.

He enjoys wrapping his fingers around your neck. He doesn't really like that in return, though.

No mirror sex.

He really likes oral. He can be a little selfish with it, actually.

Mithrun isn't a sadist LOL but he does like to tie you up sometimes and leave you hanging. It also depends on how you are as a person and what your dynamic is like.

If he's not in a dominant mood, he's a pillow princess again. Those are the days when he's not feeling as much, when he's not as locked in to his desires. Or, when he's just mentally or physically tired.

No matter what mood, he still needs a lot of care and affection. He needs every ounce of your focus.

He doesn't provide much aftercare. You're the one doing that, no matter who topped. But he eventually learns a bit and starts kinda reciprocating out of sheer habit, because he knows it would make you happy.

As I always say, Mithrun stares a lot. His gaze follows you everywhere, and he'll never get tired of the sight of your body.

He sorta passes out afterwards. It's one of the rare times when he doesn't need a sleep spell. He often will just pass out on top of you.

In general, he's a switch and how he acts is highly dependent on his mood for the day. He needs a lot of attention and affection, and likes to mark you up. He lacks shame, he'll initiate it anywhere. He's relatively quiet, but breathy. Sometimes, he touches you like you're porcelain about to crack. Other times, he manhandles you like a rag doll and does whatever he pleases. If you're able to, manhandle him in return, he'll probably get a little pissy with you but it's still funny.

:0 !

★・・・・・・★

[aakeysmash]

Roommate or boss?

Pairing: f!reader x Katsuki Bakugou.

Warnings: cursing, cutesy stuff.

Word count: 3.6k.

Previous part: part 5

And what's your definition of love?

You can't seem to stop thinking about the way Katsuki looked at you with somewhat of a soft gaze, body relaxed and on your shared couch. You noticed he tends to be tense a lot, like something is always bothering him, and it's rare to see him for what he hides to be. He acts like being soft is a weakness, almost as if being vulnerable in the past has caused him a scar that is not fully healed yet.

Also, if he asked me that without even blinking, he must have hella bitches, you think. What kind of guy talks so freely about love with a girl?

"What should I do Saturday? What's something you like to do, Y/N? Thinkkk" you whine to yourself. Blaming your own brain for lack of ideas is very therapeutic.

For you, love is easier with words. You could probably write a book about love if you really wanted to, but you don’t think you’re that good with actions. It’s not like you don’t try, it’s more like a lack of experience: you’re not used to thinking about expressing love, you just do it depending on who you’re facing. You are a pretty habitual person, so you might be shy when you first meet someone, but when you start knowing them you never fail to show what you truly are. You’ve never liked to hide your personality to make friends: it’s better to have a couple of real friends instead of a multitude of fake ones. You like expressing how much you care about someone with words, but you and this someone have to be close. You love loving, and you probably would be nowhere without it, but showing your rude and cold roommate something so important to you is difficult, maybe because if you don’t make a good impression you’re going to cry. Joking!

Unbeknownst to you, Katsuki is freaking out. He regretted asking you that stupid ass question the second he went to bed that day, and he regretted making that stupid ass deal with you even more. It's not because he doesn't want to know the answer, he's really damn curious about what you think, but he doesn't know how to answer it. He doesn’t know how to act in friendships, let alone in loving relationships. You just looked so soft, so cute, so trustable in that moment, that his brain shortcircuited and became smooth. "I'm a fucking idiot", he grunts while putting his pillow on his face.

He knows what love means to him. Love is the way his mother still calls him to check on how he's doing even if he doesn't put enough effort into keeping the relationship strong; it's the way his father smiles at their antics when they get together for the holidays even if he hates how loud they can get; it's the way Kirishima gets him hot chocolate every hard day at work without Katsuki asking; it's the way you care about Ochaco enough to call her even when you're exhausted from your own day at work, bags under your eyes and hand soothing your back that hurts from how much you've been at your desk studying. It's in the way the people around him want to see him happy, and in the way his heart beats a little more affectionately when he sees how naturally they seem to do things for his own happiness.

He sees love reflected in the actions of those who are close to him, but expressing it himself? He doesn't even know how the few people around him can tolerate him.

He decides to call Kirishima and ask him about frienships. Out of his male friends he’s probably the only one who can answer properly, and there’s no way he’s talking about it with the girls.

"Oi."

"Hey, Bakubro, everything alright?" his right hand answers.

"Listen, we're friends, right?" Katsuki bursts out.

"Uhm, yes, of course. Why are you asking me this? It's weird coming from you" the redhead suspiciously tells him.

The blonde ignores the comment and continues with his questions. "Why?"

"What do you mean why?" Kirishima says, more confused than before. Katsuki sighs, because he knows his friend will have to know all the details about it or he won't shut up about it, ever.

"Made a deal with my roommate, I have to show her what love means to me" he explains.

"That sounds pretty intimate, to be honest. You barely talk about her and suddenly you talk about love with her? Is there something more between you two? And what does that have to do with me anyway?" he rambles on.

"Shitty hair, stop asking questions, fuck. We were talking about friendships after she made me watch a dumb ass film and now I don't fucking know how to tell her what I think about love. She said to think about love inside of friendships. You're supposed to tell me why you're my friend. Also, we're not fucking intimate or some bullshit. As I said, we made a deal" he replies, annoyed. 

"Sure, every roommate makes a deal about love nowadays" Kirishima mumbles.

"SO?" Katsuki is starting to get pissed. "Just answer the damn question."

His friend sighs, before starting to answer. "You're not good at telling people how you feel about them, but you know how to make them feel safe. And I'm not talking about physical safety, even if I bet if I asked Mina she would say you scare the creepy guys away, I'm talking about safe friendship. It's nice to know you're always there if I need you, you know? You help me without being asked to most of the time, and you don't even realise it. Remember that time half of the class fell sick and you spent a day going to the store to take medicines for every specific illness we had? Or remember when me and Mina almost broke up because of that stupid broken plate and you talked me out of it saying something like "If you really want to break up with her go on, but I'm breaking your nose because this is a really stupid fucking reason to break up with the girl of your dreams"? That's stuff that touches people. Yeah, your love can't be defined as kind, but it's real. Everyone needs to have a friend that will straight up tell them when they're wrong and that doesn't sugarcoat things. You're that guy, man. I’m glad I have you as a friend."

Katsuki is stunned into silence. He didn’t think Kirishima would be this specific.

“Hello? Are you still there?” His friend asks, thinking the line has fallen. Katsuki clears his throat before answering “Yeah. I didn’t expect all of this. Thanks, Eijirou, I appreciate it.”

His friend chuckles. “No worries, bro. Also, what’s going on with this roommate of yours? And don’t tell me that it’s just a deal, we both know it’s a lie. What type of person is she?”

Katsuki groans. He is currently in his feelings though, so he shares a bit of what’s on his mind lately.

“She’s cool, I guess. She knows how to deal with my mood swings in a way that… you-know-who didn’t do. She’s funny when she wants to be and she stands her ground with me, but she’s also pretty kind from what I’ve seen. Sometimes too much. It annoys me,” he says almost whispering. He feels like if he raises his voice even a little bit then he won’t be able to not think about you for the rest of the day. Almost as if the raw things he’s feeling right now will come back to haunt him.

Kirishima hums. He knows he won’t get more than his friend already said. It’s a miracle he even talked about something so personal.

“I’m glad you found a good roommate, man. You know how they say, calm at home equals calm at work” he says.

“And who says that?” responds Katsuki, raising both his voice and one eyebrow.

“Me” Kirishima proudly says.

“This was some of the corniest shit you ever said, Kiri. And I saw you propose to Mina” Katsuki barks.

His friend bursts out laughing. “Yeah, and you’re still my best man at the wedding.”

“Yeah yeah, whatever. I’m gonna work out now, see you at work” he says rolling his eyes.

“Sure, man. See ya,” and he hangs up.

Katsuki gets up from his bed and goes straight toward your bedroom door. He makes sure to knock before opening it, then crosses his arms and leans on the side of it. You look up at him from your desk and stretch. You’ve been writing for hours.

“How’s your vitamin D intake?” he asks you. You look confused. Is this a dirty joke?

“Why?”

“Because. Answer the question,” he says.

“Are you talking about dick or the literal sun?” You respond.

“Both. I do think you need to get laid. It could make you less insufferable” he answers, smirking.

“Fuck off, Katsuki” you roll your eyes. “By the way, I could use a walk if you want to go out. Do we need groceries or something?” You stand up, going next to him. Up close your height difference is even more noticeable.

“Nah. I was thinking about Saturday” he says looking down at you. Damn. If she comes a little closer I could strangle her without exerting too much effort. I’d just have to straighten my arms and get her neck and-

“Why are you looking at me like that? You’re freaking me out. Please cover your eyes and get out of my way, I need to pee” you tell him scowling, bumping his shoulder and getting out of your room. “Also, I did say that you can choose to go out, so if you show love by taking someone to the Bahamas, I have nothing to object to.”

You hear him humming before entering the bathroom door.

“I can’t take you to the Bahamas, ‘cause if I see that ass in a bikini, you’re getting both of your vitamins D” he mumbles, just having finished staring at your backside and knowing you can’t hear him. He shakes his head to make the voices disappear, then prepares himself to work out. A run will do.

It’s finally Saturday. For this deal both you and Katsuki took the day off at work, so it’s basically a small vacation. You wake up at 9 am, which isn’t even that bad, but when you get out of your room with sleep still on your features you see your roommate super busy in the kitchen. He’s so focused that you think he hasn’t noticed you, so you stare at him for a bit. He’s such a housewife. Let me take a picture, you think.

When he hears the click of your phone’s camera he snaps his head towards you. “Delete that shit,” he says with a deep voice.

“On my dead body, Mr. Bakugou,” you reply.

He growls, then throws you a mean look. “I’m poisoning your food, brat.”

“Oh! You’re cooking for me? How nice of you” you say genuinely, getting closer to him and observing what he’s doing.

“Don’t look. It’s for later. We’re having a picnic” he roughly responds.

“Is this what you planned on doing for today?” You ask, smiling up at him.

“Yeah” he says hesitantly. He didn’t think you’d be excited, and seeing you smile for something so little makes him pause. He composes himself, remaining neutral. “I'ma need your help though, we’re baking cookies. Is that easy enough for you, dumbass?” He continues, smirking.

“Hey!” You pout, throwing a punch at his arm. He chuckles. You’re surprised, because you’re not used to hearing his laugh, but you go with the flow and laugh with him. His laugh is a bit rough, just like him: you like it though, because it shows a little of that particular side he doesn’t show often. You’re a sucker for it, your need to always know every detail being quelled a little and making you feel light. Being in Katsuki’s presence is like being exposed to the bright and hot July sun for a whole day and finally finding a bottle of fresh water. You still don’t know if he’s the sun or the water, you just know that it makes you happy.

You start mixing the ingredients according to the recipe he reads you and he occasionally screams that you’re not doing it the right way, taking over. After a while he frustrates you so much that you take a bit of flour, put it on your hand and then slap it on his chest. He’s flabbergasted, your white handprint on his black tee super visible. He doesn’t say anything for 5 minutes, just staring at you and at his shirt, while you’re on the floor crying from how much you’re laughing from his expression.

“You bitch” he seethes, scowling. “If you want me to show you how I hate people, you’re on the right fucking path”. Then he takes some cookie batter and smears it on your forehead. You try fighting him but he gets both of your wrists in one of his hands in a matter of seconds, and you can’t escape.

He gets on your eye level and with mirth in his eyes tells you “Y’can’t win at this. Keep on cooking or you’re not gonna taste what I prepared for you”. You poke out your tongue with laughter still in your irises. He rolls his eyes, trying to appear mad. At that moment, you realise that- He’s having fun. He's happy.

"If you're going to boss me around I'm at least going to have the music privilege," you tell him, wriggling out of his grasp. He whines, saying how your music always gives him a headache, but he's lying. You caught him singing along more than he would want to know.

You keep on cooking and singing all morning. You laugh, you scream while running around your living room making fun of each other (well, you laugh, he scowls), you truly enjoy your free time for the first time in what feels like ages. Katsuki doesn't try to hide that he's enjoying himself and how he gets annoyed when you're not on tune, and you beam at the fact he feels comfortable enough to show you some of his true colors. Your chocolate chip cookies turn out to be pretty amazing, and Katsuki says that it's only because he made the recipe himself.

"Don't get too ahead of yourself, Y/N" he smirks, looking at you breaking one cookie in half. You're both sitting down, having just finished taking them out of the oven.

"You know, you never call me by my name. Is that because you're rude or do you have problems with showing affection? How's your relationship with your mother?" you mock him while munching.

He flicks your forehead and blows on your face, making you scowl. He smells like the cookie he just finished eating plus a little bit of the coffee you made for the both of you. You offer him the bigger half of the cookie you broke in two, and he stares at you for a bit before taking it.

"You could've given me the smaller part. It's not like we don't have enough of them" he mumbles. You just shrug.

"Just take it. It came as a natural gesture, don't worry, it's not like I like you enough as a person to plan something like that" you reply, flipping him off while standing up and dusting yourself.

"Go prepare yourself. We're going out in 30 minutes," he tells you ignoring your middle finger right in his face and looking at his watch. If you didn't think about it it's even worse, dumbass , he thinks.

"30 minutes?! But I want to be cute! Ugh! You could've told me sooner!" you scream while running toward your door, and you hear him scoffing. You turn around and look at him, still basking in the sun that comes from the window in front of the kitchen counter. He seems more peaceful than he's ever looked, with flour on his clothes and his hair ruffled up from how much his hands were in it when you were doing something wrong baking.

"Kats?"

"Yeah, Y/N?"

"This was cute. We should do this again sometimes. You're a great cook" you say, giving him one of your most genuine smiles. He nods, then tells you to hurry up. When he's alone in the kitchen he brings one of his hands on his chest and hears how fast his heart is beating. He groans. You're going to give him a heart disease. Was this day a good idea?

You get out of the house and he has to force himself to not look at your legs. You wore one of those flowy summer dresses that compliments your skin so well he feels like he'll have a nosebleed at the end of the day. Fuck Katsuki, get a hold of yourself. You sound like a horny teenager, he scolds himself.

You lay your blanket on the green grass of one of the parks near your apartment, and he gets out different tupperwears with different things in them. He even gets out two bentos filled to the brim with food. You're shocked.

"Just how early did you get up to do all of this?! There's so much food!" you excitedly say, looking at the pearly whites of his teeth when he flashes you a shy smile for a fraction of a second, before returning to his usual impassible face.

"Early enough to see you still sleeping like the lazy ass you are. Don't flatter me too much, dumbass: dig in, you're gonna taste the best fucking food you'll ever eat. I'm never doing all of this again, but I'm gonna win this fucking deal no matter what" he says.

"You mean I just had to make a bet with you to make you a decent human being for a day? I'm writing it down" you joke. He rolls his eyes, scowl ever present on his features.

"Oh! By the way, I thought about doing something too. We're going to play a bunch of different games and whoever wins the majority of them is going to clean the house alone for two weeks. Are you in? Or are you scared to lose?" you ask him, pointing your fork at him and looking mischievous.

"You're talking to a master here. You're gonna be so sorry for yourself at the end of the day" he responds, looking ready to annihilate you.

You spend the rest of the afternoon eating and playing with each other. You're both really competitive, so most games finish as ties, but you have fun. When the sun starts setting, you get your things and start going toward your apartment.

"By the way, I won the flag quiz. That's so much better than winning fucking monopoly" he says frowning.

"Yeah yeah, whatever you say, loser," you tell him.

"We're gonna have a rematch. I'm gonna get your ass so bad you'll cry" he barks, glaring at your laughing form.

You open your door and mimick a parrot with your hand, like you're saying he's all talk and no smoke. He slaps the back of your head receiving an ouch from you, then puts the containers he used to prepare lunch in the sink. You sit on the kitchen counter while he's washing them.

"So, you're big on acts of service? That's how you show love, right?" you ask him, swinging your legs and looking at his back.

"Yeah, basically. I like it when people enjoy the things I do for them, I guess" he answers, not turning his face toward you. "Instead, your love language is quality time, right?" he continues.

You hum. "I like physical contact too, but it depends on the person I'm receiving it from, you know? It makes me super uncomfortable if someone forces it on me" you explain, shrugging. He nods, drying his hands and turning around.

"I noticed," he says.

"How?"

"I'm good at details. That's why I'm good at everything I do," he responds, seriously.

"Woah, your ego just blinded me," you tell him, a bit disgusted.

"Whatever. Hot choco then we order out?" he offers.

"Yeah, I'm pretty tired. What about you make it?" you whine, and he scoffs.

"You ain't no princess, get your ass up," he says, putting one of his hands on your thigh and shaking it. He's positioned in a way where he maintains some distance, but if he were to take two steps he'd be between your legs. She's not uncomfortable now, he thinks. You huff, then hop off the kitchen counter.

"You should call me princess, since you look like the assassin the rival king hired to kill me" you mumble, getting a pan out.

"Oh, I'd kill you just right, princess" he whispers in your ear, making you shiver. He sounded kind of serious, too.

You push him away, calling him an idiot, and he chuckles before ordering pizza for the both of you.

Well, today was nice, you tell yourself, a little smile on your lips. I'd even like his pomeranian-looking ass if he wasn't so rude, you remark.

Meanwhile, as he's looking at you singing to yourself, he thinks that if he doesn't distance himself a bit from your big eyes and pretty smile, your story will be an "enemies to lovers" instead of a runaway princess and her assassin.

Tag list:

@perfectsukii @sleepykittycx @what-the-jams @bakunianadecorazon @vensunzy @eyesforbkg @bffrrufr @imas1mpp @cold-deep-water @peonies-and-teacakes @berryvioo @opticesmeray @one-piece-frvr7 @youngststark @kahelis

[han4el]

How I see the moon signs, as a cancer rising + leo moon

— Taurus Moon

This might be favorite moon sign. No one ever really hates them. They're that person which makes you feel comfortable just by being in their presence. They actually accept the way you are, with all your flaws and unique qualities. Very good at understanding their own needs, thoughts, feelings and reactions. Might not be very talkative, since they prefer to just ponder on their inner life quietly, but when they do say something, it's usually that piece of the puzzle you were looking for. But don't try to exploit them, because they can and will put you in your place, while also being graceful and pretty with it. Others might not even understand that what they said hurt you, because of how charismatic they are, but it WILL hurt you. And you won't even be able to say anything, since you'll know they're right. Their self-esteem is usually unshakeable. But they earned it after a long period of obsessing over their insecurities, most probably related to body dysmorphia or weight gain. However, this also means that they put a lot of heart into what they cook for themselves, because they won't eat just anything. Food for them is almost therapeutic. This comes from their strong relationship with anything related with comfort, luxury, security and personal needs/values. VERY pretty faces. Omg... Even if when you first see them they might not be your type, they start to grow on you quickly. They might be the friend to which everyone runs for mental or emotional health advices. To which they'll respond the best as they can, to a certain limit. Keep in mind that they value their boundaries a lot and won't tolerate you using them for your own benefits. Might be philosophical (more specifically, stoic) but won't discuss it openly, since they keep their more important thoughts to themselves. Once they start seeing something as their anchor for grounding, they'll defend it with their life. This includes material things AND people.

⚘ Random associations: the friend that was there for you no matter what, healthy food, self investment, self-care, skincare, spas, perfumes, luxurious lifestyle, big comfortable home, gifts as a love language, producing music, making art as a way of relieving stress, spending time in nature, having a very strong bond with your pets, putting on lip balm in public, putting on certain perfumes depending on your mood, reapplying perfume whenever you feel kinda sad, experimenting with food, experimenting with furniture arrangement until finding the perfect place for everything, pilates, desserts, macaroons, tiramisu, chocolate or vanilla flavoured body scrubs, best smelling one in the room, exquisite clothing style, only clothes made of quality materials, gold or silver jewellery, generous mom, good relationship with every female figure, LOYALTY, very sensual and they know it, that one girl that doesn't really have any drama in her life, pretty mysterious... you often realise you don't actually know that much about their personal life, curly hair, dimples, soft skin, very resilient and independent, looks great in earth toned outfits, will NOT do physical labour (especially the girls) not even for money.

⚘ What I love about this placement: very loyal, resilient, loving (but not openly), sees the beauty in everything, values self care and self love, they can control their emotions very well, always takes care of their needs first, makes sure they are stable enough before starting something new, will not come venting at you with their issues, genuinely enjoys making others feel comfortable and loved, amazing at flirting, unshakeable mindset, if they put their mind to something it's impossible to stop them, very cute when affectionate, soothing voice, healthy skin, gives the best hugs, possessive but in a good way (territorial almost).

⚘ What I dislike about this placement: might have a s** or p*** addiction, they get addicted to things very fast and it's difficult to control it, stubborn af, sometimes lazy, the kind of person to be stuck on their ex while in multiple situationships, usually very materialistic, they have more of a hedonistic lifestyle, does NOT care about your feelings once you got them mad (on a good note: it's difficult to get them mad).

⚘ My experience with this placement: 10/10

• Disclaimer: I'm not a certified astrologer. Everything in my posts is based on my personal experience and observations. Please, feel free to ask any questions or tell me your opinions.

⌗ follow for more content!

[honey-crypt]

can you do some headcanon drabbles thingies with a farmer that has BPD? Bachelors please

a/n: yippee i get to write about bpd!!! fun fact but i was diagnosed with it for about two years (it ended up being a misdiagnosis) and i did a ted talk (like a legit one lol) about it and the criminalization/demonization of personality and other "undesirable" disorders :3 thx for this request and enjoy!

warning: discussion of bpd splitting, mental health crisis, and self-harm

★ sdv bachelors with bpd!farmer ★

alex

★ seeing you split for the first time is the catalyst for him to address his own issues, such as dealing with his father's abuse; to an extent, he can see himself in you, longing for approval and love from others, only to fall apart when others don't provide that

★ a very good listener, he opens his ears and mind to you to talk about what's on your mind and you do the same for him; it's very helpful and therapeutic for the both of you

★ does his best to keep you away from george, he worries that his grandfather's behavior would trigger an episode in you but he couldn't keep you away from him forever; it does cause an episode but with evelyn's help, alex manages to get george on his best behavior around you

elliott

★ often writes you letters of reassurance and love for you to read whenever you're having an episode, it's his way of supporting you through your hard times

★ he attends workshops to learn methods to assist you with bpd episodes and symptoms after harvey recommended it to him when he confided in him about his concern for your wellbeing

★ adds a small piece of candy, such as a starburst or skittle, in your pill box so you have a little reward/pick-me-up when you take your medication

harvey

★ out of all the bachelors, he's the best equipped to support you during your episodes (he did a psych rotation during his residency) but he tries his best not to go doctor mode on you

★ covers your farmhouse with sticky notes that feature medication reminders, words of affirmation, and so on; you save each and every one of them in a little scrapbook that you look back on for reassurance

★ harvey makes you feel safe, you're truly able to trust him and confide in him; you both make it work and even though others are critical of your relationship, either of you really give a damn because you love one another

sam

★ he's familiar with mental health conditions because of his father's ptsd and in the beginning of your romantic relationship, he kinda isolates himself from you when you're splitting because he genuinely doesn't know how to help

★ but thankfully, he learns how to support you with harvey's education on bpd, such as grounding you with music or encouraging you to socialize with others

★ he enjoys writing and playing you songs as a means of grounding, you're his inspiration and he wants to brighten your world with the power of music

sebastian

★ he goes into research mode after you inform him that you have bpd, he knows that personality disorders are heavily stigmatized and he doesn't want you to feel like he thinks you're a bad person for having bpd

★ does dbt (dialectical behavioral therapy) homework with you when you come home from group (group therapy); it helps him just as much as it helps you, he learns a lot of coping techniques that he utilizes when he has to deal with hardships or shitty people like demetrius

★ gets you an enamel pin for every month you remain clear from self-harm, you have an ita bag that you secure every pin on and it's one of your most treasured possessions

shane

★ a match made in hell... JK JK you two have the potential to bring out the best or worst in one another, depending on your relationship and whether or not you both are in therapy

★ if you're friends, you're able to support one another through bpd or depressive episodes, you both are different sides of a very similar coin and your empathy for one another transcends the boundaries of your typical friendship

★ but if you're dating or married?? i'm sorry but it's not gonna work out well unless both of you are consistent with your meds and therapy; you often get paranoid about your relationship with shane and it only intensifies during his 14 heart event where you and marnie think he relapsed with his drinking, causing you to split... luckily, it works out in the end but you still struggle with coping and trusting shane

[semiweirdshipper]

How I feel when I update each of my stories.

I've always wanted to make a post describing how each one of my stories made me feel when I updated them. I guess I thought maybe it could give you guys some insight to how I really feel. Because, in all honesty, I don't like updating some of my stories. But I still write for them because I know you guys like them. It's not really that big of a deal though. I just made this post for fun.

1.) My Own Exit Gate. Piece of cake. The short chapters help give me a break. There's no major drama on the sides. It's a simple uphill battle. Not a lot of brain power has to go into it. Extremely easy to write. Allows me to relax if I'm ever feeling depressed.

2.) Miracle of The Moonlight. Used to be my favorite but I lost my passion due to lack of confidence. But I still love it! Difficult to write because of all the multiple perspectives. The reader is mentally all over the place which requires a lot of brain power to write. No one really cares for it which used to hurt.

3.) Reverse The Dancing Knights. Officially the most difficult story for me to update. Long chapters. Too much plot. Too much action. It keeps me all over the place. Too many characters and relationships. Will have sex which I suck at writing. Too much backstory. The reader is not going to be that happy which I hate. But the show must go on! I love my killers.

4.) Fate of Broken Roads. My least favorite story. Feels like a chore to update. I always feel pressured. I have to write sex which, once again, I'm not good at. I have no layout for it which means that I wing it with whatever comes to my mind, so the fact that I don't like it makes it difficult to want to think about it. Love Jason though.

5.) Battle of The Imaginary Minds. Ahh, talk about stress relief! Officially my least violent story. Only have to deal with one intimate relationship instead of several. Has my baby Jason in it who I love writing! Lots of cute themes. Real world time so there's more unique plot that I can use. Love the slow build. The followers for that story are adorable and I love them. It's just a fun, feel good story. I also don't get to write Jason enough.

6.) My Saddest Journey. My personal therapeutic story. Write it for myself to help cope with my anxiety and trust issues. Has my favorite comfort trope which is father figures. Feels good to write some times and difficult to write other times depending on the plot. It helps me get emotions out. I enjoy writing it.

One shots that I enjoyed writing the most and wish I could write more for.

1.) My Gelastic Flower. Part of the "MY" Collection, this story hits close with the reader having epilepsy like me. But I also really loved how Frank turned out in the story. It's one of the best portrayals of him I've ever written, and I just wish I could have written more of it.

2.) Embracing The Realm of Control. Ok... This story is just hilarious, come on. Everyone's naked? The reader has a problem with fainting? Oh my gosh, it's just too funny. I wish I could have seen how far I could get with it.

3.) The Underdogs Great Stand. Not only is this story purely about killers who don't get a lot of attention, but it's also the only story I have with a reader who was done wrong by rumors, lies and manipulation. Secretly... I do have a layout created for this, with plot and everything. It was supposed to be my first attempt at getting everyone to love Jeffrey, but I never updated.

4.) Circumhorizons Form With Faith. Ehhh, I'm not gonna delve too deep into this one. But the reason why I love it so much is because of the expansion of characters and the different route I took with the Entity's realm. Different groups of people have to survive the fog monsters? Uhh, awesome! Plus it holds my fondest memory where I made Jeffrey likable for the first time ever.

5.) Now That's a Cut! First thing I have to say is... JEFFREY. Dealing with another reader close to me (asexual), this story is just very personal for me and it deals with one of my favorite characters. I'm so proud of this story because it opened up so many hearts to Jeffrey, and I want to finish the job by finishing the story one day.

6.) 3x Mass Overlap. I love this story because it's written in real time which means more plot. I used Hannibal, Wesker and Herman, all of which have the hots for the reader. It's funny, unique and full of drama. I really, really would like to update it one day. It would also give my head a break from all the angst and let me have fun with some humor.

7.) These Muddy Waters. I enjoyed this story because this is my only reader who allowed anger, hatred and bitterness to take control of them, and now they're just mean to everyone, which is a common response to sadness. The point is to show how far the killers are willing to go to make the reader happy even though the reader is deeply scarred and hateful. Idk. I just thought it was unique.

I just had a thought... Why are my story titles always so dramatic?? Lol.

[vipersiia]

at the end of the road

simon ‘ghost’ riley/gn!reader

post military headcanons, all fluff

Definitely the type to settle down away from civilization, but not too far.

Depending on if you met while he was on active duty or after it would def affect your relationship.

Like if it was during the military you both have PTSD, and can relate more closely.

If it was after it’d probably take a bit of learning on both your ends on how to act around each other.

I doubt he’d lose many, if any of the habits he made while in the military. While he might not wear his skull mask or balaclava, he probably wears a surgical mask.

Sleeps with his gun on the nightstand, and one under the bed frame. Very rarely fully covered by the blanket in case he needs to move fast.

Even if you met him after the military they probably provide enough to sustain you both without having to do actual work.

Soap and Ghost definitely resigned from the military together, but Soap probably lives in the city.

He still comes over a lot to eat your food and hang out.

In the first few months/years he had trouble with waking up calmly, or really sleeping deeply.

If you met him after, it's probably a year into his retirement, and it probably took another year before you both start dating. 

If you worked together you probably got together while in the military, and moved in together from the very beginning.

The house you stay in was absolutely hand-built by Ghost from the ground up. He wanted to ensure maximum protection should anything happen, thick walls, bulletproof glass, and it’s hidden behind acres and acres of farmland and forests.

Late nights on the patio on sleepless nights, held firmly in his arms as you share stories and look at the stars. (“When I was younger I really wanted to know what rosin tasted like, cuz it was so pretty.” “Why would you do that” “It didn’t taste good” “Huh, I wonder why”)

After the entirety of  Task Force 141 eventually retires, hosting a small gathering.

Price manning the grill alongside Ghost, making puns at him and exchanging recipes.

They never really got out of the habit of using each other’s call-signs and any personal nicknames, regardless of when you met you also got in the habit of using their call-signs. (It causes major confusion whenever you’re in public sometimes.)

When you get married, he takes your last name. His name has enemies searching for it, better off hiding that part of him forever.

Does not seem like it, but he has the biggest green thumb, finds planting therapeutic, feels good to know that his hands can do more than kill.

He’d also get into painting, absolutely not good at it but you hang all his pieces anyway. (“Ey Lt, that a giraffe?” “It’s a tree” “oh.”

He loves animals. A lot of strays make their way to your property so it's not uncommon to just, see a dog chilling at your door.

[yrrtyrrtwhenihrrthrrt]

It's 8:22am on a workday which means it's time for me to share my Goldenheart nightmare headcanons (movie and comic bc you know I love all 4 of my traumatized men)

So all these bitches have nightmares. Let's just. Get that out of the way first, especially post-canon

M! Ambrosius:

Ever since the ceremony, he had nightmares about finding Bal's dead body. Up until finding out Ballister was alive, they happened practically every night, but they continued to pop up occasionally long after the two reconciled. He'd have nightmares about finding Ballister dead either after the arm chopping, or after Todd beat him up. The dreams are varying levels of abstract and graphic. Sometimes Ballister is awake and crying for him, but can't see him as he slowly dies. Sometimes he's angry at him and keeps telling him it's all his fault, sometimes he's halfway rotted.

Before the events of canon (as well as during and after), he would have a recurring nightmare where he would do something marginally wrong and the entire kingdom would collapse, like they were all depending on him. He's had this nightmare in some variant since he was little. It's actually similar to the dream the Director described, except instead of cracks appearing and letting the monsters in, it's Ambrosius fucking something up. He continues to have this nightmare occasionally even knowing there are no monsters outside.

Ambrosius was trained from a young age to be pretty stoic so he doesn't usually cry out in his sleep, but Ballister is a feather light sleeper (Ambrosius sleeps like the dead, even when he wants to wake up) and can tell from his mumbling and tossing and turning when he's having a nightmare, and will wake him up to console him and let him know that no, he's okay, he forgives him, he loves him, he doesn't have to be scared. They often have sex the next morning (if not right after) especially after a "Bal is dead" dream because it's therapeutic for them to share forgiveness and vitality

M! Ballister:

Oof. Yeah so, I can imagine that spending a prolonged period of time in extreme danger, wounded, with LITERALLY everyone out to get you would do wonders for a person's mental health.

A lot of Bal's nightmares are just resurfaced memories of him barely alive trying to survive all alone in the ruins he was holed up in. He blocked out most of that experience, so it comes back in dreams. These are obviously extremely upsetting memories.

In addition to memories, he also frequently has that nightmare where you're trying to escape some danger, and there are people all around but nobody can see or hear you ask for help. He has dreams where he gets executed, he has dreams where he sees Valerin and she's crying and asking why he did what he did, how could he do this to her, she loved him, she trusted him, and sometimes Ambrosius, Nimona, and the Director are all also there and calling him a monster. Sometimes they beat him up, sometimes Todd is there. He has nightmares that he didn't make it in time to save Nimona and the whole kingdom gets obliterated by the canon, and then he's all alone. Ambrosius and Nimona are dead.

He usually wakes up from these nightmares pretty quickly because as I said, light sleeper. Unfortunately Ambrosius is not a light sleeper and often doesn't wake up when he's having a nightmare. He does whatever he can to remedy this, though, which is one of the reasons he's always cuddling Bal. It's easier to detect movement and distress that way. After years of being in a relationship, and a lot of insistence from Ambrosius, Ballister is comfortable waking him up if he needs reassurance. When Ambrosius wakes up, he holds him, talks through his dreams with him, and massages his residual limb (phantom pain in his sleep often triggers the nightmares). Again, they will usually have sex the next morning. Slow, affectionate, weepy sex.

C! Ambrosius

This one has a variety of nightmares. More often than not, they're flashbacks to his fight with Nimona, sometimes with minor altered details. After adjusting to his disability, that started being present in the dream, which just made it even more terrifying. Sometimes Ballister is there watching him get killed while he screams for help. Sometimes Ballister is dead, he either got burned to death by Nimona or shocked to death by the other soldiers.

He has nightmares that he killed Ballister during the joust, those had been happening ever since the joust occurred. He has nightmares about Ballister chopping his arm off as revenge. His least favorite though, even more than the terrifying flashbacks, are the ones that feel real. In some, he's just going about his regular day and Ballister very casually mentions in conversation something to the effect of "What? Of course I don't love you. Why would I? Find you attractive? Have you seen yourself? Haha no thanks" and this is, of course, extremely upsetting. His most hated nightmares, though, are the ones where he "wakes up" and he's back at the Institution. He and Ballister never made up and he's expected to get up and go about his day and sign autographs and do whatever the Director wants and just exist in the hellish, loveless background radiation he'd spent fifteen years of his life in.

He's also more prone to night terrors, which he can never remember. He often speaks, walks, or screams in his sleep. One upside of the incomplete paraplegia is it keeps his sleepwalking under control, because he'll wake up from pain or falling.

Unlike Boldheart, Blackheart prefers not to wake him and to instead try to console him in his sleep whenever possible. This is because he's less likely to remember the nightmare at all if he doesn't wake up, and he truthfully doesn't like talking about nightmares because they're often upsetting to him as well. He'll hug him and whisper to him and rub his back or stroke his hair. This will usually work, but when it doesn't, he'll wake him up and offer reassurances. If Ambs was having one of those nightmares that feel like real life, he needs to be woken up.

C! Ballister

He has a lot of nightmares regarding betrayal, from either Ambrosius or Nimona or the Institution or his henchman or his father or all of the above (he has been backstabbed and abandoned MANY times). He has a lot of nightmares where he remembers the joust, but sometimes it's Nimona instead of Ambrosius, or sometimes Ambrosius is laughing when it happens, sometimes he has nightmares about the current Ambrosius harming or maiming him in some way in a fit of anger. Alternatively, he has nightmares where Nimona shows up at his house and at first he's so happy to get his friend back until he sees Ambrosius's bloody corpse behind her. He has nightmares about everyone hating him, like Boldheart does. Nimona calls him a traitor, Ambrosius calls him a villain, Blitzmeyer calls him a swindler and a lonely, pathetic man. He has nightmares about being too late to save Ambrosius from Nimona, or about her monster form killing him in front of him.

Ambrosius (a barnacle) always notices when he has nightmares and wakes him up stroking his hair and patting his chest. Unlike the other three characters on this list, he wakes up angry at Ambrosius at least some of the time. He will usually ask for some space so as to not take it out on his well-intentioned partner. He can't sleep on his right side to face away from him (it's the metal side and it's uncomfortable) so he'll flip onto his stomach so that the metal side is closer to Ambrosius, that way he can't really feel him there as much. Ambrosius will usually ask permission to hold his metal hand, which Ballister usually gives as he can't feel it much and it prevents his partner's abandonment issues from activating. Plus he thinks it's cute when he wakes up in the morning, no longer angry, to Ambrosius asleep holding tightly to it, with red marks on his cheek and wrists from effectively cuddling a hunk of metal all night.

[ryuichirou]

Apologies if someone's already asked previously and I've missed it, but as a fellow enjoyer of the threesome of Trey, Riddle, and Che'nya, I'd love to hear your general idea of the dynamic on these three as well as any headcanons you may have! (I'm someone who adored TreyRiddle first and am just genuinely surprised that it's such a far and inbetween ship in terms of popularity so it's always just very refreshing to see and hear other's views on it!)

I talked about both of these ships, but I don’t remember talking about them together! this is an interesting topic, Anon. Sorry for the wait, it took me some time to think about this.

I do have some headcanons! But I kind of got carried away a bit lol so the first three are focusing on the psychology of it all… in a way. I can’t help it, these guys’ brains are too fun to examine:( I ended the list with a couple of lighter/hornier ones though.

Also, it might seem like there is a Trey/Riddle bias, but it depends on how you look at it I guess. It’ll make sense after the first one. Hopefully! I guess.

Their dynamic is pretty balanced, but not really symmetrical: Che’nya loves Riddle, but he isn’t someone to be committed to one person or get jealous at all; and Trey has been in love with Riddle ever since they were kids and wasn’t able to move on even during the years of their separation. Che’nya wouldn’t mind stepping aside at some point and leaving these two together, but for that to happen he needs Trey to fully admit his feelings and directly confess to Riddle and ask Che’nya to leave. That doesn’t happen, so nothing is stopping Che’nya from having fun with Riddle~ Che’nya sleeps around, but Riddle is one of his favourite boys.

Their first time together happened pretty spontaneously, Che’nya pretty much provoked the other two. I picture something similar to this drawing, but these three had a lot of moments of mutual tension prior to this. Che’nya just started appearing at their dorm more and more often at some point and teasing Riddle, both to enjoy himself and to poke Trey towards facing his own feelings. What a friend!

Riddle is very confused about the whole thing and doesn’t want to think about it. Because if he starts to think, it falls apart in his head: he can’t have relationship with both Che’nya and Trey, he shouldn’t be doing these things even with just one of them, let alone both at the same time. Whenever Riddle is with them, he gets this nasty feeling in his heart that he is prohibited from having fun with them (ah nice memories), but at the same time, he mentally returns to his happy place… I’m not sure if this whole thing is therapeutic or traumatic to him lol It feels right, but as if it’s too good to be true. Thus, he just shuts his mind off whenever they start making out.

And it’s surprisingly easy for Riddle to stop thinking when he is with these two! It honestly surprised Trey and even Che’nya a little bit, even though Che’nya was like “of course he is like that, who wouldn’t melt when his chin is getting scratched?” as if what he does is exactly that… In actuality Che’nya just touches Riddle everywhere and licks his body with his rough tongue until he starts whimpering.

Riddle was very surprised when he got bitten for the first time, but he figured that it’s probably natural for Che’nya who is a beastman. What he didn’t expect is that he would find not only Che’nya’s bite marks, but also Trey’s. Riddle is usually to aroused to notice what exactly is going on, so he had no idea that Trey was biting his sides, arms and chest too…

Che’nya is kinky, and he knows that Trey is kinky too but is too afraid to scare Riddle away, so a lot of times he just starts messing with Riddle and pushing his buttons to show that even if Riddle protests and gets all red, he enjoys things that Trey would’ve never even considered as acceptable. Riddle also wouldn’t…… but there he is, getting all hot and bothered because he got aggressively tickled.

[eye-of-yelough]

anyway here’s the aeryn/gortash dynamic explanation.

nsfw shit under the cut. CW for. i mean so much. but specifically CNC

because it is all consensual, despite the atrocities. although it’s worth mentioning that that does not make it healthy and there’s definitely a lot of manipulation going on so like. is it. its dubious that’s for fucking sure.

So. their dynamic is really just me taking “psychosexual warfare” and seeing how far i can possibly take it. That’s it in a nutshell. also exploration of how a sexual “relationship” between a hypersexual (aeryn) and aroace (gortash. to me) would work.

Aeryn’s hypersexuality is a real point of interest to Gortash, and is his main angle when trying to pick apart his psyche, the way his behaviour changes depending on how long he’s gone without, how it seems intrinsically linked to his Urges, “whoever decided to call it bloodlust was a fucking genius” - Aeryn, probably.

That fascination really hits its pique when, somewhere a between 2 and 3 years into their unsteady partnership, gort wakes up in the middle of the night to aeryn just straight up jerkin it. staring at him. (wether he was already there because aeryn stayed over after them being awake for 50 hours plotting and doing medical malpractice or he just walked all the way there from the undercity to break in and wack it to gort’s sleeping body, i don’t know. but it’s important to me that you know that with aeryn, while the former is more likely, the latter is entirely plausible. he’s a creep.) obviously this brings up a lot of question in gortash’s head. “did he want to be caught?” (most definitely.) “has he done this before without me noticing?” (you can bet on it, mate.)

Sad thing is, I can’t for the life of me figure out what gort would actually do in the moment here, but it’s when he realises that if he wants to manipulate Bhaal’s favourite child, to claim, to conquer, he’s going to have to speak his language. so the next morning he very nonchalantly brings up the incident that Aeryn is eagerly pretending didn’t happen, and offers his help him with his little sex addiction. puts himself in this caring, almost therapeutic role. bullshit, of course. he has no intention of fixing just yet. only after he’s been broken can he be fixed, remade in his perfect image. and aeryn, to his credit, does know that it’s bullshit. he just underestimates the depth of it. See, he knows that Gortash wants to break him. he knows that gortash is a manipulative, domineering control freak. but he kind of just. thinks it’s a weird sex thing. his reaction to gort’s proposal is basically “you’re even weirder than i thought. okay fine. i’ll play your game. i’ll win in the end.”

That’s another key part of their dynamic: mutual misunderstanding. Aeryn thinks it’s a game, Gortash thinks it’s war. Gortash thinks he’s breaking Aeryn, but Aeryn’s loving it.

Gortash’s “therapy” is anything but, of course. Aeryn doesn’t become less of a sex pest, he just finds it increasingly difficult to enjoy himself with anyone but Gortash, who knows him, what he likes and doesn’t like, inside and out. (all part of the plan, the possessive cunt) which pisses Aeryn off to no end because the man Just Won’t Fuck Him in the way he wants. oh, they’re doing weird “stabbing as a metaphor for penetration”, sexually charged medical malpractice, voyeurism, full on bdsm shit all the time, but there’s very little… touching. Gortash just gets off way more on denying Aeryn what he wants while slowly driving him insane with desperation than he ever would if they just. had sex. This isn’t to say they never do, but we’re talking 10 years down the line here, and only under very specific conditions. (more on that in a bit.) If aeryn was right about one thing, it’s Gortash being a weird sexual control freak.

anyway here’s some things their warfare includes:

Gortash bringing some noble up to his chambers to seduce them, notices the window he left closed is open, a chair in the corner’s cushion being smushed down by an invisible weight, and thinking “ah, i’m performing for two tonight.”

one of Gortash’s main weird psychosexual fantasies about Aeryn being turning him into an Actual Doll and keeping him on his shelf for all eternity. he makes many different types of dolls after Aeryn’s likeness, including plushies that he holds at night for a few months before giving them to Aeryn just to savour the look of confusion and disgust on his face.

Gortash stealing some of Aeryn’s Bhaal-sculpted skin and turning it into gloves.

Aeryn waking up after Gortash spikes him in increasingly awkward positions over the years (this happens a lot. like, a lot.) the first time he wakes up bound, gagged and blindfolded in gort’s basement. “i just wanted to see how long it would take you unti you freed yourself. 2 minutes and 31 seconds if you were wondering. i’m impressed :)” eventually he gets used to that routine and he just ends up laying under gort’s desk for a few hours, listening to him work, Gortash occasionally talking to him like you do to a pet. this is probably the closest they get to domesticity. A few years down the line, Aeryn wakes up naked, covered in bruises and black handprints, aching between his thighs.

Knowing it finally happened, but having no memory? If I had to pinpoint the closest Gortash ever got to winning the war, it was there. something in his brain genuinely breaks that night.

Oh. And they only kiss once. Right before Aeryn’s lobotomy, as well, it’s a whole thing. I might make that into a separate post. or you can send an ask. that’d be nice :)

edit: here it is

[dross-the-fish]

do you know what age regression is and would Adam do it as a way to experience the childhood he didn't get?

I'm aware of it but don't know enough about it to be confident that my impression of it is correct. As I understand it it's getting into the headspace of being a younger age? Regressing back to childhood to recapture feelings of comfort and security? Something like that. If it's a thing that works for you or has therapeutic benefits I'm not here to bash it but I also cannot get my head around it. I can't see Adam wanting to do that, he doesn't have memories of being a child and he's never had the experience of childhood. He understands it intellectually but I don't think he'd ever be able to tap into that frame of mind. Even if he went thought the motions he'd be aware the whole time that it's essentially a game of pretend and he'd just feel awkward. In a weird way this is another area where I feel sort of like I relate to the creature. I don't have any real sense of childhood myself, the minute my siblings were born I got promoted to being the "third parent" and my experience of childhood was the constant stress of being responsible for smaller human beings and feeling anxious. I was, overnight, deemed to old to be read to, held or comforted and I expected to start learning how to watch my younger siblings. I missed out on a lot of the elements that make childhood enjoyable but I can't ignore that my body and mind are that of an adult and even if I were to suddenly get the things I had missed out on as a child and envied (like being read to by my mother) I am not emotionally or intellectually at a stage of life where the experience would be the same. I should have had that when I was 5, I didn't. I will never enjoy things the same way I did at 5 again. My thought processes are too complex now and all of my emotions are much more nuanced. If anything having those childhood experiences now would just serve as an even bigger reminder that I'm in my 30's and I don't actually want these things anymore. This is how I feel Adam experiences his relationship to the concept of childhood, with an acute awareness that he does not think like children do or behave as they would and nothing can make up for the absence of that phase of life. Adam learns to read, feed himself, speak, clothe himself and essentially parent himself in the matter of a few short months. He didn't really have a choice because his survival depended on him being an adult. He couldn't afford helplessness or dependence and when that's not a mindset you have experience being in you can't really put yourself there because you don't know what that feels like. At best you can only pantomime it and always be aware that your perception of how this is supposed to feel is nothing but a theory. I feel like Adam is aware of this and that's why he asks Victor to build him a companion, a mate who is his equal partner, rather than ask for a caretaker. Because he knows it's out of the question and he has learned to caretake himself and as the book progresses we see him, in a way, become Victor's caretaker. There is no childhood for this creature, just adulthood thrust upon him before he's ready and then later a pseudo-parental role. (also hits home for me because I was the one assigned to caretake my mother when she was diagnosed with cancer) Adam is bitter about being cheated out of it but in the end all he can do is mourn his loss and accept that it's a thing he cannot have. It is intensely painful to him and what he feels is something like grief over it, but trying to regress to a child-like state would do nothing to soothe him.

[thyme-in-a-bubble]

Writing anon #1 here with a few questions! As usual please don’t reply if you don’t want to. :)

What kind of character would you suggest writing for? Characters I’m currently interested in or characters I know more about? Perhaps a mix? I’m a little afraid that if I write for the characters I’m currently fixated on I’ll lose interest in them for awhile. For example, I’m currently interested in Daredevil but I know more about the Avengers because I hyperfixated on them in high school.

Where/how do you find inspiration and motivation to write? 

Do you think someone could write a relationship without having experienced it themselves? (Like a romantic relationship) I would assume it would just take a lot of research and editing to make sure it’s fairly realistic. Just like when you writing something else you don’t have experience in (like writing a character being a doctor or barista if you don’t have experience with that.)

Like the second anon I have a lot of trouble with outlining and plots. I usually get an idea I would love to write but have no idea what to do with it. Like how to get to the idea/scene or where to go from it. I really should try actually outlining and taking my time. I also really need to get my brain to understand that drafts are okay and normal. (I struggle with perfectionism, but I’m working on it.)

I realize now how number three might come across. I am an adult not a minor. I just had an extremely sheltered life growing up and have spent the few years I’ve been an adult dealing with a few things that are out of my control. So I haven’t had a romantic relationship of my own, I have read a ton of x reader fanfics and watched a lot of romcoms. And number four isn’t a question. :) Thank you so much in advance!

I'd say write for someone you like, someone you're comfortable with, and if you don't feel like you know enough about them to begin writing then that's easily fixed! rewatch/reread/re-whatever the thing that they're from and pay extra close attention, do it however many times you'd like, take notes. wiki's about the characters can also be super helpful for a ton of those little facts. but at the end of the day, write for whoever you like, whoever will be super fun to write for, whoever will make you excited to write. also you don't have to just choose one or even be stuck if you ever wanna move on, you make up the rules.

inspiration? i find that everywhere. sure, a movie is an easy thing to get my mind hooked on a fantasy, but most of my stories have just come to me in very mundane things. I've leaned into my own life experiences for a lot of sad stories (also used it as a therapeutic tool). there is literally inspiration everywhere, you just gotta open your eyes and see it. that weird tree right outside your window? that could be enough inspiration to begin a whole book. and as for motivation? well, first of all I really enjoy the whole process, so that helps a ton. I'm also autistic and have very good concentration, so I can easily just disappear completely into my wip. I'm also really good at just having it in my routine, sitting down and writing when I have the most energy for it. when I'm working on something very long, that's when it can become harder to keep that flame alive, but I think I've worked out a good rhythm to keep it going and not loose the drive to work on it: first of all, a detailed outline and notes. making a proper routine with it, though also not beating yourself up if it's a bad day and you only reread the last page 50 times, but don't actually write anything new. I also try my best to stay in the world while I work on it. like for when i'm not sitting and actively writing it, then I listen to music that fits the theme or watch movies or shows that have the vibe.

I think that truly depends on the person. some people can and some people can't. I personally don't write about too many subjects I don't have experience in (though still some like for example murder and some of the jobs the characters have, but my imagination can get me far enough to make me comfortable tackling those subjects). so yeah, that's so individual whether someone can do that well or not.

from my understanding of you from the very limited interactions we've had, I'd say that it'll probably continue to be difficult while you're not getting enough sleep for your brain to function properly as well as some other stressful things I could imagine is also going on and perhaps is the cause of the sleep issues. a few things that helps my perfectionism is to say that this draft will only be read by me and no one else, to say that this is only a silly little fanfiction just for the lols and not a fancy leather-bound novel, and also to aim for it simply to be finished and not for it to be perfect. and sometimes when it comes to beginning, you'll just have to jump straight in with the attitude of an imaginative and playful child. also sitting down and being like "okay, I'm not allowed to do anything other then come up with a story. I'm allowed to sit here, look around at my surroundings, and push through the boredom till my brain comes up with a story to entertain me". don't be afraid of slowing down and embracing the stillness, that's always where my best stuff comes from. and plot stuff? that is a huge subject and I'm not sure what advice could be beneficial for you. it's one of those things where learning about it on a technical level can be helpful, but only to get the sense into your bones and then throwing those rules and patterns out of the window like they never existed to begin with and just letting the flow of the story lead you.

[fuckincityhands]

PLEASE TELL US ABOUT YOUR SELF INSERTS!!!!

(i have one too but it's so poorly drawn i wouldn't dare)

AUGHH!!! THANMYOU THANK YOU !!! ALSO DRAW YR SHIT ITS SOOO THERAPEUTIC HIGHLY RECOMMEND

TW for the whole ramble, but it's all pretty normal as far as normal Saw content goes. Suicide mentions cause it's pretty important for both of their stories.

The one with white hair and glasses is Jack Shepherd. He tried to end his life on multiple occasions and even when he was kidnapped for trap shenanigans it was when he was on the roof of his apartment complex. Him being called a leech is pretty repetitive in his stuff, seeing as that's what his tape refers to him as. He stopped trying to get better a long time ago and pre-trap he's at the point in his life where he barely has the ability to take care of himself.

The one with the cardigan and middle part is James Perkins, who works for a suicide hotline and sucks at his job dear god. He's selfish to all hell and back pre-trap and everyone in his life knows it. There's a giant wall built between him and everyone else, and it's ruining his ability to create relationships of any kind. He's called selfish in his tape :3

PARTNER TRAP! Both James and Jack are collared and leashed together with this several foot long chain so they're in forced proximity. The collars have these needles in them that, when thirty minutes passes, they're injected into the victim's neck. For James, there's an additional rule, that if he tries to help himself and gets caught with a silly camera he'll be injected again for punishment. It doesn't take long for James to be walking nausea, trying to get Jack (who's took to sobbing on the floor) to make ANY amount of progress. It's basically set up like an escape room, and most if not all of the clues are about James' life and if he doesn't open up neither of them are getting out. If you look real close, it's their roles all over again! It's like James is at the suicide hotline all over again and Jack has to want to get better

drawing of the trap, courtesy of my boyfriend. I love him so much you guys have no idea

Anyways, the whole things set up so James has to learn to put himself in someone else's care to force-learn empathy, and Jack has to learn how to care for/save himself and others. Post-trap their personalities do a 180. Jack gets a ego boost from actually surviving and becomes borderline manic? he misses his trap a lot of the time because it's the only time he's felt in control of anything. James becomes a paranoid mess who doesn't want to leave Jack (they hold hands a lot your honor) in fear of something bad happening to them both again. The trap, for the most part, "worked", but the two are extremely co-dependant now and don't know how to handle losing the other. They become apprentices because self fulfillment, Jack takes a lot more eagerly to the role and James is more or less just there as moral support for him. They're a 2 for 1 package do not separate !!

GOOD GOD I RAMBLED FOR AGES... AUGHHH I LOVE THEM A LOT !!! I won't touch their dynamics with other characters good GOD that's an entirely separate post. thank you for this ask. on my knees. I love my boyfriend so much.

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Abigail Shrier

Published: Dec 22, 2023

At age nine, Chloe Cole started early puberty. By age twelve, she was uncomfortable in her body; online influencers convinced her that she was in some sense really a boy. She came out to her parents as “transgender” and, not knowing what else to do, they took her to a therapist.

“They didn’t expect that by seeing a psychologist, I would just be funneled further and further into this pipeline,” Cole told a rapt audience at AmericaFest this week.

For Chloe, that pipeline meant puberty blockers at age 12 followed by cross-sex hormones. A medically unnecessary double mastectomy at age 15. By 16, she was filled with regret.

It’s easy to see this as one more ghastly entry in the macabre chronicles of gender medicine: incompetent therapists and unethical doctors deconstructing young girls’ bodies for reasons that seem alternately depraved, mendacious and confused.

But if you take a step back from the case of the detransitioners—young women shepherded into medical transitions they later came to regret—another image emerges. Not merely of therapists’ “affirming” teens’ transgender identity, specifically. But one more instance in which the Bad Feelings experts made adolescents’ bad feelings worse.

“[My parents] didn’t expect that by seeing a psychologist, I would just be funneled further and further into this pipeline,” Cole said.

Like a lot of teen girls who suddenly adopt a transgender identity, Cole’s mental health treatment preceded her gender confusion. She had been medicated for ADHD starting at age nine or ten—given escalating levels of stimulants that made her feel lousy and disconnected from her body and didn’t seem to help. She now believes ADHD was a misdiagnosis.

“In general, this model of making everything a condition—if a child is different in any way, if they’re not focusing in school, if they’re a little bouncy in class and they won’t sit in their seat—it takes the responsibility off of the adults to say, ‘Okay, let’s just medicate them. That’ll fix the problem,’” Cole told me.

Writing my last book, Irreversible Damage, involved extensive interviews with many detransitioners and American families in general.  In the course of my research, I became aware of three things: First, that unprecedented numbers of American kids were undergoing therapy or on psychiatric medication. Second, that therapists’ diagnoses were often altering adolescents’ self-understanding. And, third, that large numbers of parents had become profoundly dependent on therapists to guide their parenting and “fix” their kids.

It wasn’t only ideologically-motivated “gender therapists” who were making mischief, reifying the idea in adolescents’ minds that they were really, truly transgender. Ordinary, well-meaning therapists were doing the same, not primarily for ideological reasons. Sometimes the therapists were simply following the guidance of their accrediting organizations. But just as often, affirming the adolescent – in place of treating her – was simply par for the course. That was simply what the therapeutic relationship with the teen patient had become.

Sure, I’ll call you ‘Sebastian.’ I can see why you feel Mom’s taking away your smartphone was emotionally abusive. Losing a beloved cat can be devastating; let’s talk about coping with your grief for the next few sessions. It sounds like having to move after seventh grade was traumatic.

This model of making everything a condition—if a child is different in any way, if they’re not focusing in school … it takes the responsibility off of the adults to say, ‘Okay, let’s just medicate them, ’ Cole said.

When faced with a surly teen who isn’t yours, one you must somehow keep engaged for a potentially interminable 50-minute hour, and for whose mistakes you bear no direct emotional consequences—it’s just so easy to validate their perspective. Her mother’s decision to take away the smartphone, her pet’s death, her parents’ move—how did they make you feel? Let’s talk about your pain, every week, for years.

The rising generation is swimming in therapy. Forty two percent of Gen Z—those born between 1995 and 2012—has been in therapy (more than any other generation). Forty two percent has a mental health diagnosis. One recent survey indicates the extent of diagnosis may even be more dramatic: 60 percent of those between the ages of 18 and 26 may have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.

Perhaps most alarming, by 2016—long before the Covid lockdowns and well before American kids aged 2 to 8 were even on social media—almost 20% of these little ones had a diagnosed mental, behavioral, or developmental disorder.

They are receiving unprecedented levels of mental health treatment. Curiously, they also seem to be getting worse.

For well over a decade, teachers and school counselors have assumed the mandate (and curricula, and use of instructional time) to play shrink indiscriminately with kids, often styled as “Social Emotional Learning.” Parents stopped trusting their own judgment and family traditions regarding childrearing, instead relying on shrinks to guide their parenting. And we all allowed our kids’ (largely normal) bad feelings to be pathologized by the those in the bad-feelings business.

Gen Z is receiving unprecedented levels of mental health treatment. They seem only to be getting worse.

Harrison Ford made this point nicely in an interview with the Hollywood Reporter, in February of last year. A reporter had said to Ford, “Your fans online have done some armchair diagnosis, looking at things you’ve said about being shy in social situations and some of your talk show appearances. Some assume you’ve wrestled with social anxiety disorder. Are they onto something?”

“Shit,” he said. “That sounds like something a psychiatrist would say, not a casual observer.”

For the rising generation, the language of psychopathology provides the lens with which they understand themselves and each other. Where my generation would “self-diagnose” with laziness or procrastination, the rising generation might see complex post-traumatic stress disorder or ADHD.

But while laziness can be obliterated by a change of attitude and habits, a mental health diagnosis demands treatment or accommodation. Trying to lift yourself out seems futile. And so, unsurprisingly, the generation lavishly labeled with mental health diagnoses also has the least faith in its ability to meet even routine challenges or turn their lives around.

“No. I don’t have a social anxiety disorder,” Harrison Ford told the reporter. “I have an abhorrence of boring situations. I was shy when I first went onstage—I wasn’t shy, I was fucking terrified. My knees would shake so badly, you could see it from the back of the theater. But that’s not social anxiety. That’s being unfamiliar with the territory. I was able to talk myself through that and then enjoy the experience of being onstage and telling a story with collaborators.”

“No. I don’t have a social anxiety disorder,” Harrison Ford told the reporter. “I have an abhorrence of boring situations. I was shy when I first went onstage. But that’s not social anxiety.”

A case of the fantods. To overcome those, Harrison Ford didn’t require an expert or a prescription. He needed only to summon the guts.

Imagine if he’d been born in 2012 instead of 1942.  

==

You don't have a "gender," you have a personality.

You don't have a disorder, you've just never been told, "no."

This issue isn't exclusive to professional therapists. Tumblr and Twitter are filled with assholes who defend their assholery with self-diagnosed autism or "trauma." They're under the misconception that if they claim it's some kind of disorder, rather than them just being a colossal asshole, you can't complain, and they can do what they want. This also explains the multitude of "genders."

[requiemsystem]

do you have any recovery advice for other internal programmers?

Trigger warning for discussion of programming. Yes, I do. Patience is important to have when beginning to recover. Recovery takes a lot of time and patience. If it were easy, we would have all done it by now. Do not hold yourself to impossible standards, just like you would not hold someone else to impossible standards. Find support. Have a conversation with someone in your system who isn't an internal programmer without the pressure to harm them. If this is not possible yet, speak with someone external. Even just a passing "hello, how are you?" can be a good start to building a relationship that can help support and motivate you in your recovery. Take accountability when you make mistakes and slip up. You aren't expected to be perfect, but taking accountability and fixing your mistakes is important. Try to ensure they don't happen again by making positive changes. When you have a setback or make a mistake, identify what triggered it, what went wrong, and what you can do differently in the future. Remember this in similar situations. Build an identity outside of your programmed role. Find things you genuinely enjoy, whether that be music, writing, sports, or anything else. If you were assigned a name against your will, consider changing it to something you would choose for yourself when you feel ready. Try to make your identity your own. Find a new job in your system that is helpful in current day life. If you know a lot about the functions of your system, maybe consider cataloging that information and sharing it with a therapist, if you have one. I can't give blanket advice here as it depends on what specifically your role entails, as every internal programmer is different, even if we do all have some similarities. In general, try to find ways to help your system rather than harming. Try to question some of the things you believe about the people who harmed you. This can be triggering, so do so with extreme caution, and preferably only with significant support. I would advise doing this in a therapeutic setting, if at all possible. Otherwise, take safety precautions if you intend to do this. Remind yourself that the harm is in the past. This can be a lot easier said than done, especially if programs are still active and with things such as flashbacks, but it's important to remember that the past is over. Things are different now. It is okay to allow yourself to be safe. Recognize that you are not a bad person. Remember that you did what you needed to do to survive, and you are not doomed to be this way forever. You can change. You can recover, and you deserve to recover just as much as anyone else who has been harmed. If you have any more specific questions, or need more clarification about anything I've said, feel free to ask. Best of luck to you. - Veritas

[sailor-mist]

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀꒰ ♡𝆬· taoty — yunho ୨🌙୧ ⠀⠀

𝑤ill be a sequence of posts with this theme. the purpose of this reading is to know some details about yunho's life in 2023 and to know the predominant tarot arcana in his life this year. check wooyoung's ★ — TAOTY

as it's already september, i tried to find out what this year would bring for yunho and so far and also a general summary. it seems like this year is challenging for yunho when it comes to issues that need to be worked on and yunho has always pushed it under the rug.

everything is fine in his career, progress and his career is taking off and yunho is getting a return on that and can be even more at ease in terms of finances.

the tendency is for him to have an unstable year due to his deep and personal issues, yunho has a great stage image and sells this image very well, but like many other artists who also sell their image. yunho's problem begins when he has to deal with himself, the person behind the stage and behind the audience. there is a lot of emotional burden on yunho at the moment and he doesn't accept dealing with himself and never seems to have time to work on his internal issues (understandable knowing how hectic his routine is and when he has time for himself he tries to distract himself and escape the reality of be him).

his physical health is great but his mental health is not going well at the moment, there is a lot of instability and agitation — yunho can have problems with stress and at times it can be impulse, which in his case, impulsivity unlocks arrogance — and i'll deal with that his interpersonal relationships this year (close friends can be victims if yunho is having a bad day). but despite everything he is clear that he can no longer mistreat people who love him and want him well — and he has never hurt anyone because he wanted to — and this point could soon be significant if he needs to seek therapeutic help to deal with his anger, hate and the like. remembering that these are his internal issues, no one is to blame and he is aware of this, he has lost control > he is analyzing himself and will have the phase of working on his problems effectively. (go yunho!)

yunho knows he's not in a good moment, he doesn't know how to resolve this in a way that doesn't hurt him and doesn't make him feel like shit. it's a long process for him, the year 2024 for him depends a lot on all this cleaning and cargo that needs to be released as soon as possible.

yunho may have had romantic involvements that didn't work out (exactly due to his instability and also because of internal issues he has about validation) and this was also something that weighed on him, considering that he is emotionally unstable.

there is still big news for yunho in 2023, mainly regarding this healing process. in a while it will be clear to see a change in yunho, taking a new approach and even trying something new in terms of appearance/style. something different that he is not used to showing us, yunho is the opposite of everything he shows to the public and may soon feel comfortable showing us more about this other side that no one knows about.

there is spiritual evolution and he will listen to his intuition more, the moment will come when he will get tired of rowing against the tide and give himself over to this healing. he really can't wait to get to know more about himself. if i could give yunho some advice right now i would say: "this is the end, you just need to do it one more time, it will pass."

♥︎ — maybe happen: i believe that yunho could soon be in a new k-drama, there is also energy from a new love cycle that could be quite remarkable for him.

★ tarot arcana of the year — judgement: the master of the four elements, judgement calls from above in a loud voice a powerful and important renewal, the birth of a new conscience, a new family, a reawakening and the liberation of something that we kept closed and isolated. this card represents a call to express our vocation but also to discover, to evaluate or to be evaluated and judged. when the negative side prevails, it will bring about consequences such as the fear of failure, infantile behaviour, crisis and insecurities that will tempt us to remain closed within the coffin wich we are called upon to leave.

》 the tower: everything that yunho have been opposed to for probably a long time is about to emerge, explode and open itself to the world. the tower therefore is a living construction, overcrowded and teeming, exposed due to a sudden change that will alter the balances, and whose orientations and directions therefore could seem to become confused or overturned. it could be difficult to go against the current and against common opinuon but this is how illumitation will arrive. otherwise it will be a violent separation that will win, an expulsion that will bring it with crisis, unbalance and in the worst cases, a true catastrophe.