Tumgik
#i literally just want anyone to tell thirteen that murder is bad. i feel like im going insane
lesbiten · 2 years
Note
dan and yaz got to watch the doctor commit a triple genocide
yeah exactly and THEY DIDNT EVEN BLINK!!!
5 notes · View notes
Note
A quick question before you give the summary of this lesson: Is sending this ask early pressure you? Because I can send it later if needed.
Either way, summary time!
-Lesson 48 Anon
Not at all! It actually gives me a visual goal I can work towards cause if I can't see it my motivation and procrastination are both gonna start doing cartwheels✌🏼😀
@lesson-anon
If anyone else wants me to @ them on these lemme know in the replies
As Usual;
• Links (to screenshots and theories) are in bold!
• Dialogue is HEAVILY paraphrased & the events are HEAVILY summarised/edited so this is in no way a substitute to playing the actual lesson
• Each paragraph represents one chapter of the lesson, I write each paragraph immediately after playing the chapter and so in one paragraph I might theorise what's gonna happen in the next chapter/paragraph
• Solely gonna focus on "Mammon's Route"
LESSON 67 SPOILERS
It starts off with Levi, Asmo, Belphie & MC in town. They run into Simeon, Solomon & Luke while Belphie & MC very literally cheer for Lucifer's downfall. Luke yells at Levi for dipping on them during the festival and Asmo says Levi's paper probably said something like "the person Levi loves", Levi screams and covers Asmo's mouth and Asmo gets very 🔞. Simeon covers Luke's ears. The next game is a purgatorio climbing competition. Beel mishears it as "burger". One team member is supposed to scale RAD's outer wall and climb to the roof and then help the other 2 up and this seems like a horrible idea but whatever. "Are we back in our previous teams?" asks Luke. "Yeah" says Diavolo. "Son of a bitch" says Luke with feeling. Lucifer tells them there's a twist to the game. "Is this why Diavolo mentioned burgers?" asks MC. "Can you kindly shut the fuck up" says Satan. The twist is that each person will be given a task to complete before they can start climbing. Also Barbatos is MIA.
Diavolo gives an excuse as to why Barbatos isn't there, nobody believes him. Mammon's not happy about Diavolo being on his team - saying something bad is gonna happen.   Lucifer and Mephisto are back on performing their weird highly competitive mating dance in order to see who gets Diavolo's attention.   Satan just wants his suffering to end.   Raphael says they need a strategy, Thirteen says fuck it.   MC says JUST DO IT!   Raphael hates being the only person on his team with a fucking brain cell.   Luke gets ready to commit his first murder.
Levi's card says that he has to play the "I love you" game with MC, MC readily agrees to play it but he dismisses them blushing and saying it's a game for social people and this is harassment. Thirteen tells MC to just leave Levi alone and asks what their task is. They have to play a game of hide & seek and find 5 people. Raphael & Thirteen push MC towards asking Levi's team as they're the only ones left and MC will anyway need to help them out if they're to progress too. The team (luke & unconsciously looking up to Mammon) happily agrees to play and Thirteen & Raphael get dragged into it to make up the 5, despite their protests. Also Thirteen's progress with MC.
MC runs into Asmo who's task is to play ass charades which sounds like something he just made up on the spot but apparently isn't....wow. MC ends up walking with him and he talks more about the Celestial Realm and Raphael (theory on religion in the Celestial Realm & Devildom) saying he's surprised Raphael agreed to play hide and seek (Raphael's lament). They hear Thirteen yelling at Beel in the cafeteria and rush to see what's up & she's crossed off MC's hide & seek list. "Thirteen seems like she's in a bad mood" says Asmo. "NO SHIT" says me the player
Thirteen was supposed to enjoy a game of russian roulette (with a gun i ask in horror and excitement) with a box of cream puffs or whatever with one of them containing hot sauce. Beel predictably ate them all. Thirteen's ready to undo that whole plot in S2 of them breaking into her cave to save Beel. But her bell chimes signaling that she completed her task. When confused, MC tells her it's because she did actually complete her task with Asmo chiming in that the paper said to "enjoy" a game of russian roulette not "play" it so her watching Beel eat the box counted. "What the actual Fuck." says Thirteen with feeling. Beel says since he helped Thirteen out ("no the fuck you didn't" says Thirteen), they should now help him out. His task is to perform a magic trick in front of an audience. "Do you know any magic tricks?" asked Asmo. "Sure" says Beel while placing a bowl of food on the table in front of him. "See this food? I'm going to make it disappear." and well yknow....he does. "Ooooh amazing!!!" says MC the magician in a group of magic creatures. Thirteen takes offense with that - pretty sure she has the beginnings of a crush at this point. No one works harder than the sex appeal that MC oozes out apparently. Asmo & Beel head off to find Satan and Thirteen now left alone with MC says after a brief awkward pause that Satan's probably completed his task too meaning his team is in the lead.
The two of them are searching for the others and Thirteen pulls a S1 Mammon, telling MC to just ask their questions. MC asks if Thirteen has any siblings - she has an older sister she's reluctant to talk about cause giving out too much information means said older sister will come for her (YO!?) Also the way she says she has an older sister makes it sound like the she has a sister the same way the brothers have each other - not a blood relative but someone you chose to be your sister. MC can ask about her Ozzie Octopus trap and she says she can pull it out whenever she wants and with how the others kept messing up the name she's really happy that MC got it right and says that they may not be all bad. MC can ask she's interested in anyone and she says no but there's someone she hates. In the hallway she complains about RAD being really big and asks MC if they have any ideas. MC suggests laying a trap and Thirteen once again pulls a S1 Mammon. MC can choose 1 out of three traps to lay but either way Luke's the one who gets caught. Luke then gets them to agree to help with his task. MC gets to give him 1 out of three sets of hints and he has to guess who they're thinking of. Thirteen goes to complain about how the hints MC gave were too easy but they're all stricken when Lucifer walks past in an unicorn onesie
Thirteen's cackling her ass off and when MC asks Lucifer what's up he says he doesn't want to talk about it. Satan arrives drawn in by the sound of Thirteen's laughter but doesn't start pestering Lucifer because his task is that he has to show gratitude to him. Satan complains about how hard that will be until Lucifer proves himself to be a great brother and Satan just casually thanks him and his task is complete. Thirteen complains about whoever judging the tasks are way too lenient while Satan tries to take a photo of Lucifer but is stopped by a shield Lucifer had put up. Having had enough of this BS Lucifer tries to walk away and they ask him if he knows where Raphael might be. He tells them to check some place quiet and in the library they find Raphael and a smiling Belphie.
Belphie is doing his best impersonation of Mammon (and speaking of which I miss Mammon🥲) and trying to get Raphael to laugh. Raphael is ignoring him and reading a book. MC suggests tickling him, Belphie asks if they've being pretending to not hold a grudge against him after the time he killed them. Giving up Belphie goes to sleep and a distressed Luke tries to wake him up only to find he's fast asleep. Raphael smiles as he realises Belphie hasn't changed. Belphie's task is completed but Belphie's dead to the world. They leave to find Levi, leaving Luke to wake up Belphie. Raphael has completed his task but refuses to say what it is. They find Levi in a classroom and just as they are about to leave Levi demands they play the game. MC goes first and says "I love you♡" Levi chokes to death and MC wins. "What the fuck did we just watch," asks Thirteen. "I have no fucking idea" says Raphael. As far as we know 3 out of the 5 teams have completed the tasks round and are heading to the climbing round. Can't wait to see some heads crack in the next lesson
In the locked lesson Mammon has to take Cerberus for a walk around the school and is nearly eaten until Solomon comes and scares Cerberus into submission. In return Mammon has to play a game with him. In the hallway they find Simeon who has to talk like someone from a Ren fair for 30 minutes and Mephisto who's struggling to tell a tongue twister. In a room Diavolo's having a photoshoot with Unicorn- onesie Lucifer
In the hard lesson Raphael has a Disney princess moment. He's found a little corner of the woods to complete his task. He sings three lines from a song and the lyrics are probably a huge indicator to what he's feeling as well considering they're about missing someone. A bird flies to him after hearing the song and he's surprised to find such a peaceful place in the Devildom. He then catches Asmo & Beel spying on him. Asmo says that he & Belphie used to beg Raphael to sing that same song to them in the Celestial Realm and Beel says it almost made him forget his hunger. Raphael says that the brothers still seem to give Lucifer the same type of hell and that the wrinkles in his forehead have increased. They reminisce about a time when a lower-order angels who were Asmo's fans broke in the Celestial Palace in search of Asmo's room and someone gave them the directions to Lucifer's room instead. (Raphael may have acted like he was too good to play around with the others but I 100% believe that he was a secret shithead who never got blamed for the occasional pranks he pulled on the brothers because no one would suspect him) Beel says it reminds him of a time just before their rebellion and all three of them quiet down with Beel slowly apologising for bringing it up. Raphael quietly says that it doesn't matter as long as they're all happy but when the other two don't hear it and ask him to repeat it he says that they should go find Satan.
In which Asmo's ass has a body count
Related:
My overall thoughts
Classism in the Three Worlds
Raphael's Characterisation
I went into more detail than I normally do, on this lesson cause I had so much fun with it and there were lots of moments where I just wheezed with laughter
58 notes · View notes
fncreature · 2 years
Text
Y/n, I am your father
You find out a not-so-nice secret
A/n: Just dumping out some stories (I wrote on a doc that's way too long) so here we go, sorry that it kinda sucks. I had just read the Baker Street Irregulars and finished when I wrote it, so...
~
You nodded silently, and Mycroft pretended to roughly shove you into the room.
Moriarty’s eyes widened.
Mycroft didn’t tell you why he needed you for info, you just liked helping Sherlock and Mycroft asked you to.
“So” Mycroft started, his voice stronger than before. “Where?”
“I’ll never tell” But his voice had lost it’s usual teasing tone.
It was actually slightly… Scared?
Mycroft pulled the gun slightly out of his pocket and gave him a look.
No response.
You knew what was coming, he had warned you.
In a second, the gun was pressed on your temple.
“DON’T” He shouted.
“Well?” Mycroft asked.
“No” Moriarty replied. “You’d never shoot an innocent”
You just stared straight ahead, after working with Sherlock for a few years, you learned the art of faking fear.
And it was convincing. There were silent tears flowing down your cheeks, and a pleading look in your eyes.
The safety clicked off.
You pretended to start breathing a bit harder.
“Don’t” He pleaded. “Don’t shoot her”
“Well?” Mycroft repeated.
“Fine” He sighed. “Fine, just get her out of here”
Mycroft pretended to shove you out once again.
You still had honestly no idea what was going on.
Sherlock and John were waiting outside.
“So is anyone gonna tell me why I was just used to threaten the Napoleon of crime?” You asked.
“He wouldn’t even understand why” John joked.
“Is that just because he’s a psycho-”
“Sociopath” Sherlock corrected.
“Sociopath or because he doesn’t know basic knowledge?” You finished.
“Sociopath” John answered with no hesitation.
“Well then I could probably-”
“It’s not something you should know at thirteen” John interrupted.
“So… I’m mature enough to help solve murders that Scotland Yard can’t, but because I’m thirteen, I’m too young to know that I’m the kid of Moriarty?” Shocked stares were given to you by both.
The rest of the walk was silent.
When you got there, you asked “So is anyone gonna tell me if I’m right or not? I’m new to this observation thing”
Silence.
“Why am I not allowed to know that I’m related to a murderer? I feel like it would be easier to cope with if I know for sure” You asked angrily.
Once again no response from them, who were both staring at you at this point.
“Fuck you” A few tears ran down your cheeks. “Fuck both of you” You grabbed your scarf off of the hook and ran out.
You wandered around for a few hours. You checked your phone every time they called in case it was a friend, or Mycroft or Lestrade, since they sometimes called you or John because who knew when Sherlock had his phone on him, even less likely that he’d even answer.
It was Sherlock or John, spamming your phone with calls for literally two hours straight.
When they finally stopped, you considered going back, it was getting pretty cold, but you decided against it.
You ignored your phone when it rang.
And again.
After the fifth time you checked it.
It was Mycroft.
“Fuck” You mumbled and picked up.
“I was getting worried” He said in a calm tone.
“Yeah, sorry, John and Sherlock were spamming my calls an hour ago” You sighed “I have over two hundred missed calls”
“Why?” Mycroft asked.
“It doesn’t matter” You replied.
“Then I assume you don’t want to talk about it” Mycroft said, and you sighed a sigh of relief. “Anyway, the reason I’m calling is that I’d like to say thank your help on behalf of the british government for your help”
You grinned for a minute.
“I’ve got a meeting in-” “Is Moriarty my Dad?” You asked, unable to keep it off your chest.
He hung up.
It took all your will not to smash the phone on the ground.
You just sighed and shivered.
It was cold.
And it was getting dark.
You probably should have gone back. But you were mad. And spiteful, so you didn’t.
You sat on a bench crying for two hours or so.
The sky was black when you stopped.
You ate dinner at a restaurant and continued wandering around.
You overheard someone say “I hope Y/n’s alright” It was John’s voice.
So you started walking away.
“Is that Y/n?” Sherlock asked.
You started running.
“Y/N!” John called.
You started running faster.
“Y/N!” He shouted again.
It must have looked bad, the world’s greatest detective and his assistant running after a thirteen year old girl, and some people stood in between you and them (Sherlock shoved them aside)
Somehow they caught up to you, and John tried to grab your arm, which caused you to fall, and your knee was bleeding and your jeans torn.
Now you were cold, angry, hurt, and honestly a bit scared.
John just stared for a minute with Sherlock behind him, as if he didn’t know what he had just done.
You were crying.
Sherlock, who had no experience with human emotions, just watched.
John offered his hand to help you up, but you got up by yourself, and turned away from them and walked away.
Your knee hurt pretty bad, but you didn’t care.
They were calling your name, but you didn’t care.
You wanted the truth, and you couldn’t have that.
You just wanted to know that your father was even alive.
“Y’know you’re gonna need to sleep somewhere, right?” John called.
“Y’know I can stay awake for over forty-eight hours, right?” You shot back.
“Y/n” Sherlock said.
“Shutup” You mumbled.
“Y/n” Sherlock repeated. “It doesn’t matter what emotions you’re feeling, we need you to come back for your own safety”
“WHY?” You shouted angrily. “I’m not allowed to know who my Dad is, but I’m okay to be used as bait to Moriarty for information with no idea why, and I need to be taken back ‘for my own safety?’ I’ve had guns to my face before and I don’t care!”
The people there were probably in shock. There was a whole lot of blood on your knee.
“Y’know what, I’m willing to make a deal. Tell me if he’s my Dad or not and I’ll go back. Deal?”
Silence.
You walked away.
You went back to Baker street and convinced Mrs. Hudson to let you spend the night in 221C.
You woke up to some hard knocks on the door.
“Y/n” Sherlock said.
“Fuck you” You said groggily.
“Y/n, we need you in the flat.” Sherlock said, and he unlocked the door.
You were curled up in a ball with some gauze on your knee.
That’s how you fell asleep.
Your knee was hurting like heck.
“Are you alright?” John asked.
“Of course, I’m fine, last night was great” You grumbled sarcastically.
“Y/n for god’s sake I-”
“John, leave her alone” Sherlock interrupted, walking in and sitting down next to you. “She had a horrible night and now you’re going to ruin today for her as well”
“Thank you” You sniffled.
Sherlock smiled warmly. John looked surprised.
“Darling, look, I-”
‘I just want you guys to tell me the truth, okay? I- I’m getting good at the observation thing, and there’s no other reason, just tell me, okay?” You asked.
“He’s your father” Sherlock said blatantly. “It’s obvious, I actually assumed you knew sooner”
“Thanks Sherlock, she’s going to have a wonderful time trying to deal with that-”
“Thanks for telling me, anyway, you guys have those large band-aids in the flat, right?”
92 notes · View notes
babymetaldoll · 3 years
Text
DIWK: Chapter eleven: "Can't get you off my mind"
Tumblr media
|Word count:  9,7K
Summary:  Reader struggles with her feelings for Spencer and tries to work with Seaver. Neither of those things works. Spencer's headaches are getting worse. Also, it's Anderson's birthday! Things are getting a little more complicated.
Warnings:  Hardcore fools in love. It's getting painful to watch. Spoilers of Criminal Minds Season 6 Episode 11. 25 to life. Cursing, and frustration. Alcohol consumption. Assholes being blind.
A/N: Please don't hate me! but these two are just so blind, it hurts!
Masterlist
Chapter one | Chapter two | Chapter three | Chapter four | Chapter five | Chapter six | Chapter seven | Chapter eight | Chapter nine | Chapter ten | Chapter eleven | Chapter twelve | Chapter thirteen | Chapter fourteen | Chapter fifteen |
.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.
Spencer's point of view
Psychotics in a break always evolve. Well, I was psychotic at that minute of my life, but the only things evolving were my migraines. They were driving me insane. I could feel them taking over my life, my head, my sanity. I could feel my good judgment slipping through my fingers every day, especially since (Y/N) had started acting strange.
It wasn't like she had stopped talking to me or hanging out with me. But I could feel a void growing between us every day. And it was driving me insane. I couldn't understand where it had come from. I just knew it was eating me alive.
Morgan was having a bad day. One really bad day. The man he had vouched for parole had just murdered a man after nearly 70 hours of freedom, and now the team was trying to solve the whole case. Don Sanderson claimed he had been framed guilty of the murder of his wife and baby daughter, but after 25 years in prison, the first thing he did as a free man was to murder someone else.
It made no sense.
We had visited the murder scene. Hotch was still on a leave, so it was just Prentiss, (Y/N), Morgan, Rossi, Seaver, and I. Emily was in full "training agent's duty," walking Seaver through every step of the procedure, which was very nice of her. It was her first case after the incident in New Mexico, and she was eager to do better work than that time. She was nearly jumping all over the place, taking notes.
I talked with Garcia on the phone because he was worried about Morgan, and then I walked to (Y/N), who kept a safe distance from Emily and Seaver.
- "The bullets were in the other room, but the gun is right here,"- I said as I looked around the room. (Y/N) turned to me, ready to speak her mind, but Ashley spoke first, which annoyed her beyond belief.
- "Maybe killing him was an accident."
I looked at my best friend as Prentiss and Ashley continued talking. She just crossed her arms and walked around the room. She surely wasn't dealing well with having Seaver around. I wanted to ask her something, anything, but nothing came to mind.
- "Sanderson was out of prison for what, Reid?"- I answered Emily's question but didn't even turn to look at her. My eyes were following (Y/N), moving around that room.
- "At the time of the murder, 51 hours."
- "He's free for 2 days and change? What's the big hurry to find this guy?"
- "Are you ok?"- I whispered and stood next to (Y/N) as Prentiss and Ashley kept analyzing the scene.
- "Yeah, just tired."
- "Do you wanna have dinner with me tonight? I didn't see you this weekend, and I thought we could do a movie night."
(Y/N) took her time to answer, but finally, after a moment, she nodded and agreed.
- "Movie night sounds nice."
- "Great, ‘cos I rented your favorites."- I might have sounded more excited than I should, but I had really missed her those days, and I may or may not have watched and read Pride and Prejudice a couple of times.
- "Did you? Really?"
- "Yes, I was hoping to spend some time with you."
- "Are you coming, Spence?"- Seaver interrupted us and looked from the door- "Rossi called. They are interviewing Sanderson at the BAU."
- "Yeah, we are coming,"- I answered and looked away. (Y/N) shook her head and walked outside in silence the second Prentiss called my name, and I couldn't follow her. Which, I guess, was a good thing.
- "Is everything ok?"- Emily stayed behind with me. She raised an eyebrow, watching (Y/N) walking out of the room as Ashley waited for us by the door.
- "Yes?"- my answer came more as a question because I honestly didn't know what to say- "Everything is ok, Emily."
- "Correct me if I'm wrong, but I have the feeling (Y/N) isn't thrilled to have agent Seaver around."- I almost chuckled at her words and just nodded.
- "It's not like she has made it hard to tell. She literally yelled at her at the jet."
- "Is she mad at me because I am supervising her training?"
- "I don't know. I don't think so… she hasn't told me so. Well, she hasn't talked to me much lately."
- "Why? Did you fight?"- Prentiss wide opened her eyes and moved a little closer to me, trying to read my expressions.
- "No, I don't know what's going on. She just… we…"- I couldn't find the right words to explain my mind, and I think Prentiss knew it, ‘cos she didn't push me.
- "You should talk to her."
- "Yeah, we are going out tonight."
- "You have a date?"- Ashley walked over and asked me with a short smile. I cleared my throat and shook my head right away.
- "No, just meeting with a friend."
- "Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to intrude,"- Seaver blushed and looked at her shoes. Prentiss smiled, probably reading something I wasn't seeing.
- "Come on, Rossi is probably waiting for us at the BAU, and I'm guessing Morgan is not in a good mood."
For the rest of the day, I tried to find a moment alone with (Y/N). I needed to talk about what was going on. But it was impossible. We worked late, rereading the original case files, trying to find something that might help us help Sanderson. But it was frustrating and nearly impossible.
So around nine, we decided to call it a day and go home.
- "Are you in the mood for Chinese?"- I looked at (Y/N), gathering all the things as I stood next to her desk- I thought maybe we could get some take-out from that place you love on our way home.
- "Sounds nice. What are we watching?"
- "Pride and Prejudice, Coraline, maybe Beetlejuice. You pick, I've got all your favorites,"- (Y/N) narrowed her eyes, looking at me in silence- "What?"
- "So you rented movies ‘cos you wanted to hang out with me?"
- "Yes."
- "You usually don't rent movies. You rent documentaries."
- "Yes, but I wanted to do something different this time. I told you I missed you."
(Y/N) blushed as she stood in front of me, biting the inner part of her cheek, trying not to smile. I looked at her, nearly beaming, excited to see her reaction. I had felt so scared to lose her, feeling her pushing away from me. It was a balm watching her so happy, and just because I missed her.
- "I love Pride and Prejudice,"- Ashley said from her desk- "I've read that book so many times, I think I can recite it."
I looked at her and nodded with an awkward smile. I knew she was just trying to be nice ‘cos she was new at the BAU, and she was also trying to be nicer to (Y/N), to get on her good side. But that wasn't the way to get to her. Maybe I had to talk to Seaver and explain that my best friend is a special woman.
Neither of us answered her comment. We just stood there, looking at her in silence, until Anderson walked over and waved.
- "Hey agents, before you go, I wanted to tell you, this Friday I'm celebrating my birthday, and I'd love to have you over."
- "Of course, Sonny!"- (Y/N) wide opened her eyes and clapped. She had called him "Sonny" since they sang "I got you babe" by Sonny and Cher in the karaoke at the Christmas party the year before.
- "Happy birthday, Anderson!"- Derek waved.
- "Thank you! We'll gather at a bar nearby. I'll text you the address."
- "We wouldn't miss it for the world,"- Prentiss added and smiled- "Do you mind if we tell JJ and Garcia?"
- "Please do! I haven't seen JJ since she left, and it would be amazing to have her over. You too, agent Seaver."
- "Thank you!"- Ashley smiled and nodded- "Count me in."
I could feel (Y/N)'s eyes rolling, annoyed, even when I wasn't even looking at her at that minute. I grabbed my bag and my coat and held her hand.
- "Bye, guys! See you tomorrow!"- that was all I said as I dragged her out of the bullpen. Emily waved at us, and Derek cut me an evil grin I could decode easily. I just ignored him and turned to the door.
- "Have fun, pretty girl!!"- Morgan chuckled at his own words, and (Y/N) just smiled and winked. Why? Probably to show him she didn't care about all his teasing, ‘cos nothing was ever going to happen between us.
(Y/N)'s point of view
It might have been childish, but I had to take advantage of Morgan's innuendo just to show Seaver things could happen between Spencer and me. It had been immature and silly, but I just felt like I needed to do it. It was like a stupid animal instinct that forced me to mark my territory.
I shouldn't have done it. Spencer wasn't mine. Not even close. And I had to stop being jealous of Seaver. If he didn't want me, he had the right to be with anyone else. But just the thought of Spencer being with someone, anyone, made me feel sick in my stomach. I hated being in love with him. I honestly did, ‘cos I didn't want to ruin our friendship with useless feelings. Spencer wasn't in love with me. He was just my friend. My very thoughtful, cute, adorable, and lovable best friend.
I was fucked. Completely and utterly fucked. Even that second, sitting on that couch with Spencer, I couldn't focus on the movie. I pretended, but I didn't even pay attention to it. All I could think of was how warm his body felt sitting next to me, like a gigantic magnet that called for me. I could simply just move my hand and intertwined his fingers with mine. Or lean in closer, rest my head on his shoulder, feel how he wraps an arm around me, and melt in his embrace, like I had done a million times before.
But I couldn't. I had to stop that daydream of a domestic and romantic life with Spencer. It wasn't healthy. It wasn't sane. But most of all: I wasn't real. And I was never going to move forward in life if I kept thinking those movie nights meant something.
- "More popcorn?- Spencer handed me the bowl, and I shook my head- "You have been awfully quiet considering we are watching Coraline."
- "Well, we are supposed to watch the movie in silence,"- I answered and didn't take my eyes from the screen.
- "You have never done that."
- "Maybe I wanted to give it a try."
I grabbed a bunch of popcorn just to keep myself busy. I could feel Spencer's eyes on me, and it was killing me ‘cos I knew I didn't have to look at him. If I did, I wasn't sure how I would react. I was overthinking everything and anything you might think of.
- "Are you ok?"
- "Yeah. Sure."
No, I wasn't.
- "(Y/N), can you look at me?"- Spencer paused the movie and turned to me. I hesitated, thinking my best friend is an amazing profiler, and I didn't want him to know how I felt about him ‘cos it didn't want to ruin our friendship.
After a few seconds, I moved on the couch and raised an eyebrow. His brown eyes stared into mine in silence for a moment, trying to read me.
- "What is going on?"
- "Nothing,"- I lied and frowned- "Why are you so obsessed with the idea something is going on?"
- "‘Cos I have this… feeling."
- "You got a feeling?"- I chuckled, trying to be funny but failing completely. In the end, I just stared into his eyes for what seemed to be a million years but were, in fact, just a few seconds.
- "Are we ok?"
- "Of course, we are, Spencer."
- "You never call me that"- he frowned immediately, almost hurt.
- "What?"
- "You just call me Spencer when we are on a case, and there are people around us. But when we are home, I'm never Spencer to you."
"When we are home." That killed me. I hadn't realized how badly I wanted that to be our home, to have a life with Spencer.
I was in love with my best friend. I was spending every single hour of every single day of my life with him. That wasn't right! If I knew he didn't have feelings for me, why was I doing that to myself?
- "(Y/N)?"- Spencer's voice took me from my thoughts. He looked so worried I didn't know how to convince him there wasn't anything wrong, considering it felt like everything was wrong.
- "What is it?"
- "Please tell me what's wrong."
- "I told you, nothing is wrong. I just called you Spencer. That's your name. It's a lovely name. I had never met someone called Spencer ever before in my entire life. You just called me (Y/N), not pumpkin, cupcake, chipmunk, or ma chère,"- he sighed, frustrated and maybe a little annoyed.
- "Nothing is wrong, honey. I'm really ok. Just tired, maybe feeling a little invaded with Seaver in the team"- I knew he knew I hated her, so I had to blame her in a way.
- "Why?"
- "You know I'm not her fan... I hate working with her,"- I kind of chuckled at my own words because I was trying to make a joke out of my awful reality.
- "It's just for a few weeks,"- he tried to reassure me, probably to ease my mood, but the truth was I hated how it always felt like he was defending her.
- "One week, one day, it's the same torture,"- I shook my head and turned to the screen again.
- "Don't be dramatic."
- "I'm not dramatic! I just hate how she is always playing the victim ‘cos her father is a serial killer. She is clearly overcompensating! Besides, we have all gone through bad shit in our lives, and no one is using it as a tool to get things in life."
- "I don't think that's what she is doing."
- "No? Do you think she belongs at the BAU? She is a trainee agent who almost got killed in her first assignment. She works hard, and she is not stupid, I give you that. But she is not top of her class. She is not there ‘cos she is the brightest. She is there ‘cos Rossi, Hotch, and probably Prentiss felt bad for her after what happened and decided to let her hang around and learn something for a while. If you ask me, I think there are more qualified trainee agents we could use in the team, but Seaver played her "my father was a serial killer" card and got the job. And who knows how many times she had done it before, and how many times she will use it again."
Ok, that may or may not have been too hard, but it was exactly how I felt. There was a deep silence in Spencer's apartment. The movie was still paused, and after my speech, Spencer just looked at me with wide-opened eyes. I just sighed and regretted every word that had left my lips ‘cos they made me sound bitter and shallow. But at least they didn't tell him the truth: that I was jealous of the thought Seaver might get his attention. Scared that he could look at her the way he had never looked at me. Just to imagine I could bump into them kissing terrified me.
- "Maybe I should just go home,"- I whispered and tried to stand up, but Spencer grabbed my arm and pulled me back onto the couch.
- "No, please. Stay,"- his voice was a whisper but still managed to shake me.
- "I don't wanna argue with you, honey,"- I thought I would speak too loud, but no, I actually murmured, matching his tone of voice.
- "We don't have to talk about Seaver anymore. Just watch the movie with me. You love this movie."
- "You love this book,"- I added and looked at him. He smiled. God, that smile is going to be the end of me.
- "It's just so dark! But it has such a good message."
- "Not all nice people are good people?"- I just spoke about what the book had meant to me ever since I was a little girl, and Spencer analyzed the whole plot again in less than a minute.
- "I was going to say overcoming your fears, but I like your analysis the most."
- "Of course, you do, ‘cos it's better,"- I teased and stuck out my tongue to him. Spencer just stared at me and nodded.
- "You might be right. Yours is much better,"- he kept his eyes on me for a few more seconds and continued smiling until he snapped from his thoughts- "More tea, ma chère?"
- "No, honey, thank you. I'm good."
I cut him a quick smile and sat back on the couch, trying to relax. I knew it was going to be impossible, but I honestly didn't want to leave. I wanted to be with him. I had stayed home alone the whole weekend, hidden underneath a pile of blankets, in something that looked pretty much like a fort, according to Lu's words. She had stayed with me Saturday night ‘cos I told her I needed a girl's night. It was my poor attempt to stay away from Reid, and she was happy to help.
Ok, Lu didn't know I wanted to stay away from Reid. I just told her I needed a girl's night. I really didn't want to deal with all her questions. You have the right to avoid dealing with your feelings from time to time if you can. And I told Spencer Lu wasn't feeling so good, so I wanted to spend some time with her. He sounded disappointed ‘cos he was making plans for our weekend off but understood completely I needed to be with my friend.
See? Spencer made it so easy falling in love with him! He was so thoughtful it freaking hurt!
I couldn't fight the feeling anymore and rested my head on his shoulder. It felt he was waiting for me to make that move, ‘cos in a few seconds, his arm was wrapped around me protectively.
- "I know Lu needed you, but you missed a whole weekend of cuddling on this couch watching your favorite movies with me,"- Spencer whispered, bumping his head carefully against mine. I bit my lips and smiled, not taking my eyes away from the screen.
- "We do this pretty often"- that was all I could answer.
- "At least once a week for the last… thirteen-month two weeks, and… four days."
- "I love how precise you can be when it comes to our friendship, honey."
Calling it a friendship hurt me at that point, but it was what it was. Spencer chuckled and just nodded. We enjoyed our company in silence for a moment. His fingers drawing figures on my arm and my head resting on his shoulder, letting his smell invade me. It was heaven.
We were finally watching the movie… though what I really wanted was to watch a movie with Spencer instead of actually watching it. But that was the nature of our relationship. We were friends. Friends don't watch movies.
- "No way,"- I argued when his cellphone rang and interrupted our moment- "Please tell me we don't have a case."
- "We don't,"- he quickly answered and picked up the phone- "Hello? Hi… it's ok, tell me"- he didn't stand up or moved from me. He kept holding me tight against his body and finished his call by simply saying.
- "We can meet tomorrow at seven at work. I can help you with your test."- I hated those words immediately.
- "It's not a problem, see you tomorrow. Bye."
I was afraid to ask ‘cos I knew the answer. The knot on my stomach was the fair warning of what had just happened. That bitch had ruined our moment yet again.
- "What are you doing tomorrow at seven?"- I did my best to sound as casual as possible, but I knew that conversation might not end well. He hesitated. I could nearly hear his neurons struggling to find the correct answer to that question. Until he simply whispered:
- "Please don't get mad."
- "Why would I?"
- "‘Cos Ashley just called to ask me to help her study for a test…"
I took a deep breath and held it for a few seconds, doing my best to calm myself down at least a little before speaking.
- "I'm not mad, Spencer,"- I tried to lie as smoothly as possible. I even cut him a smile and looked into his hazel and confused eyes.
- "I know you don't like her, but I had offered to help in case she needed any… what?"
- "I'm not mad, really,"- I smiled again and turned to the screen- "We said we were not going to argue, and besides, she just called to ask you for help. That's not something to be mad about, right?"
Technically I wasn't mad. I was beyond furious.
- "Are you sure?"- he narrowed his eyes, baffled- "Not that I want you to be mad or something, but we just argued over her, and you said you felt invaded by her… so…"
- "Yes, but I don't wanna argue anymore. I don't want you to think I hate Seaver because I don't. And most of all, I don't want her to be the reason we fight. I don't wanna fight with you. Ever."
Spencer sighed, relieved, and smiled, pleased with my answer.
Spencer's point of view
Something felt off the following day when I walked into the bullpen and saw Ashley waiting for me by my desk with two cups of coffee. (Y/N) had said everything was ok, and I decided I wanted to believe her. But I had an awful feeling about everything that was going on.
- "Hi!"- Ashley smiled and handed me a cup- "Figured you might appreciate one of these for making you wake up earlier."
- "Thank you"- I smiled awkwardly and held the cup- "Are you ready?"
- "Yes, I brought all the notes from the class and my books…"- she set them on her desk and giggled as I went through her notes, sipping my cup- "I feel back in high school…"
- "Why?"
- "I wasn't the best student back then, and I always had to ask my classmates for help,"- I couldn't help but think of something (Y/N) had said the night before.
- "And are you a good student at the academy?"
- "Yes, I think. I'm not in the top three of my class, but I have good grades. I'm just not… a genius, like you."
Her eyes lingered on my face, and her cheeks blushed after a few seconds. I frowned, not getting why she was embarrassed. Was it just ‘cos she didn't have the same honorifics as I did?
- "I don't believe that intelligence can be accurately quantified,"- I simply answered, remembering how many times in my life I had ever said something like that. Way too many, to be honest.
It was hard to focus on the subject when Seaver kept asking me personal questions every five minutes. She seemed more interested in knowing about my childhood in Las Vegas than learning about profiling and victimology.
- "Good morning, kids!"- I turned around and smiled at Morgan, so glad to see him I might have actually felt a little relieved- "What are you doing here so early?"
- "Hey! I was just helping Ashley with her test,"- I stood up and walked from her desk over his- "And about you?"
- "I have a meeting with Strauss in a while, and Sanderson's case didn't let me sleep. It was better to come here and start working than to keep on rolling on my bed. But I'm glad you are here. Wanna help me go through a few extra files?"
- "Of course!"- I left the notes I was holding on the closest desk and walked with Morgan to the conference room.
I considered our session with Seaver finished, mostly ‘cos for the last ten minutes, she had been asking about me. What I liked doing outside the BAU, favorite bands, hobbies, anything. I answered her questions and kept trying to push her to study. I didn't want her to blame me if she failed her test.
- "Hey, kid."- Morgan whispered after a few minutes and took a look around, just to make sure no one else was near. I looked at him confused ‘cos he was never that careful to say anything in the office.
- "Is everything ok?"
- "Yes?"- I answered, though it sounded like a question ‘cos I wasn't sure what he was talking about.
- "Are you excited to have Seaver on the team for the next month?"- I shrugged and kept reading the file in my hands- "Come on, Reid. She is clearly sweet to you."
- "I don't know what you are talking about."
- "She has a crush on you, kid."
- "No, she doesn't!"
- "Come on! Are you blind?"- I stared at Morgan, not getting what he was talking about- "Man, Seaver gives you loving eyes even when we are on the field!"
- "She does not!"- I knew I was blushing. I hated those kinds of conversations, and Morgan always made me feel awkward when he hinted I should flirt with a girl or just talk to them.
- "And I would appreciate it if you didn't say anything like that ever again."
- "What's the matter, kid? You don't think she is pretty?"
- "I don't look at her that way!"- I buried my head in a file and tried not to notice how he scanned my whole face, looking for micro expressions.
- "I see. Are you afraid (Y/N) might get jealous?"- Morgan chuckled at his words and tapped on my back a few times, making me flinch- "Relax, man. I'm just kidding!"
- "I don't like those jokes, Derek. Really."
Morgan kept his eyes on me a little longer and nodded. I did my best not to show how I really felt, but somehow, I failed miserably.
- "You know, kid, it would be much easier if you just told (Y/N) how you feel about her,"- Derek's voice was soft and even more concerned than I thought he could be. I nearly shook when I heard him, so I failed my mission of remaining stoic.
- "Reid, it's ok. There's nothing wrong with having feelings for her."
- "I don't… like talking about this,"- I whispered and closed the file- "Can we just focus on work, please?"- Derek nodded and stayed quiet for a few seconds. But I knew he wasn't done yet.
- "Reid, listen. I know you are not really fond of sharing how you feel with us, I know you share almost everything that happens in your life with (Y/N), and as your friend, I've always felt glad and relieved to know you have her. But if there's something you can't tell her, and you need to talk to someone, you can count on me. You know that, right?"
I nodded and looked at him. That conversation took me back to the year I was using and had to keep it secret from my friends. I knew I could count on Morgan if anything happened, but I really wasn't comfortable sharing my thoughts, feelings, and fears with people. (Y/N) made it so easy. Was it ‘cos I loved her? I just always felt I could tell her anything. That had never happened to me before with anyone.
- "Morgan, Strauss was looking for you,"- Rossi walked into the room holding a cup of coffee and stared at us, raising an eyebrow- "Everything ok?"
- "Yes, we were just going through some files,"- Morgan stood up and grabbed the case folder- "I'll be right back."
- "I'll finish reading all these,"- I said and pointed at the box filled with more files. Morgan nodded and walked away.
- "Do you need any help?"- Seaver walked over that second and smiled at me. I stood up and shook my head.
- "Thanks, but I'm basically done. I'll just go make myself another cup of coffee."
- "I'll go with you!"- she smiled and waited for me by the door. Rossi looked at me and raised an eyebrow. I just cut him a straight smile and walked to the kitchenette, followed closely by Ashley.
(Y/N) walked into the bullpen that minute. I watched her as she opened the glass door and took out her jacket. It felt like the time passed in slow motion as she walked. I couldn't help it, I just smiled as soon as our eyes crushed, and for a few seconds, life was perfect. Just to know she was there, smiling at me made everything worth living.
See why I couldn't tell anyone how I was feeling? They would make fun of me. Morgan would never understand the agony and the dimension of my love for her. He would just tease me. I wonder if he had ever actually been in love 'till that point in life.
I didn't want anyone to know what was happening to me ‘cos I was sure they would make fun of me, and that was the last thing I needed at that moment. So I did what I knew best: I locked it all inside and waited for it to burn me alive.
- "Good morning, chipmunk!"- I stood by (Y/N)'s side and smiled as she left her things on her desk and turned to me. She just looked into my eyes, and my brain turned into mush.
- "Good morning, honey bunny. Did you sleep well? You look tired."
- "Yeah, I just got up extra early today to help Seaver, and now I was helping Derek with some files."
- "Do you need a hand?"
- "Sure!"- I didn't even analyze my answer. I just spit the words, thinking it would be amazing to spend some time with my friend, working together.
- "Hi (Y/N), how are you?"- that until her face changed completely when Seaver waved at her- "Spencer, do you want me to make your coffee?"- I froze and turned to her in silence.
- "No, thank you. I'll… just… wait a little before having another one. I just had my third cup."
- "Three cups in already"- (Y/N) narrowed her eyes and turned to her desk, giving me her back- "How long have you been awake?"
- "Not as long as Morgan, I tell you that,"- I pointed at him, walking out of Strauss's office and heading back to our conference room.
- "Let's help him, then."
(Y/N) walked quickly, and I followed closely. I wished I hadn't said no to that coffee. I really needed one to go through that morning.
During that morning, Derek questioned Sanderson again and finally took him and Rossi back to his house, trying to trigger any memory that might help us crack the case. Meanwhile, the rest of the team and I stayed back in the office, repeatedly going through the case files. So far, all we knew is that a team had attacked Sanderon's home and framed him for the murder of his wife and daughter.
The whole day, I focused on work ‘cos it's my favorite escape, and clearly, there was something more important to think of than whatever was going on with my life. But my head was killing me. The migraines were starting to get more intense, and I think they got worse the more thinking I gave to my relationship with (Y/N).
- "It sounds like we need to profile a dormant killer"- Ashle's voice surprised me when I was pouring myself a cup of fresh coffee in the kitchenette.
- "A very lucky one. He was essentially given a gift, a patsy in the form of Don Sanderson, and he'll do anything to protect that story."- I answered, thinking I didn't want to be in Sanderon's shoes, trying to clear my name of something I hadn't done.
- "When someone has a secret this big, everything becomes a lie."
Somehow, Seaver's words hit me. I'm sure she didn't mean to strike a nerve, but she did. I had been in love with my best friend for too long, and now it was starting to affect my life. I didn't want it to get in the way of work, and we were at work most of our time together. But there was nothing I could do about it. I just had to keep on faking everything was normal.
- "He'll most likely be pathological,"- I nearly choked at my own words as I tried to shake away the thoughts from my head.
- "So, we're looking for a liar in D. C. I thought we were trying to narrow this down."- Ashley tried to joke and waited for my reaction but didn't get anything. Instead, I just cut her a straight smile and walked away.
By the end of the night, Morgan had gotten the unsub. But I was still a mess. It had been the longest day in weeks, not just ‘cos I had barely slept the night before, but because I was overthinking everything that happened around me. It was exhausting.
- "Are you coming, Batsy?"- (Y/N) asked me and grabbed her bag after putting on her coat. I stood from my desk and nodded.
- "Yes, ma chère."
- "Where are you guys going tonight?"- Derek asked and smiled at us- "No. Don't tell me, planning this year's matching Comic-Con costumes"- I chuckled and probably blushed, busted.
- "We already settled those, Derek. We are way ahead of schedule this year,"- (Y/N) answered and stuck out her tongue to him.
- "(Y/N), can you give me a second before you go?"- Prentiss stood up and smiled at my friend, who just nodded and walked with her to the conference room. Derek and Seaver looked at me.
- "What?"
- "Do you know what's that about?"- Morgan questioned me.
- "I have no idea."
(Y/N)'s point of view
- "Please don't freak out,"- Emily smiled and turned to me after she closed the door behind her back- I just needed to clear the air a little bit between us.
- "What? Why? Is there something wrong?"
- "I don't know, I just feel you have been acting weird lately, and I needed to know if it has something to do with me supervising Seaver."
I nearly gasped. Not ‘cos I felt insulted but ‘cos I felt caught. I knew I hadn't been subtle about my feelings for Seaver. I just didn't want them to get in the middle of work.
- "I haven't been weird with you, Emily, and I don't think I've been acting strange."
- "Come on, you don't like Ashley, and I offered to supervise her while she works with us."
- "Yes, but neither of those has anything to do with me and you. We are friends, Emily."
- "I know, and I wanna honor that friendship, (Y/N). I love working with you. I just want you to know I'm not… I just… I'm trying to help Seaver start her career."
- "I understand that. We are ok,"- I tried to reassure her, but I knew she could read between my bullshit.
- "Do you think you could try to be a little bit nicer with her?"
- "Nicer?"
- "Yes, (Y/N). She is making an effort to get along with the team, and you've been giving her the cold shoulder since day one." -I crossed my arms on my chest, obviously annoyed and defensive.
- "I have been friendly with her, Emily. I just don't like her, and you can't force me to be her friend."
In my defense, in my mind, that argument didn't sound as childish as it did when I said it out loud.
- "Don't be selfish! Just because you are jealous, you can't deprive her of the opportunity of a lifetime with this team."
Emily's words were knives against my ego and nearly destroyed my facade. I stared into her eyes and wondered how to get out of that situation without hurting my friend. I could pretend I didn't know what she was talking about, but we both knew that was bullshit. I could actually try to tell her how I felt, but it was so humiliating I refused to open up. So instead, I just nodded and smiled at her.
- "I'm sorry that's how you see me. I'll try to be a better version of myself tomorrow,"- and needless to say, I turned around and left.
- "(Y/N), please wait,"- but I didn't stop walking. I refused to continue talking about Seaver with anyone. I refused to deal with feelings or the real world.
- "Everything ok?"- Spencer asked me the second he saw me appear by his side.
- "Yes,"
- "You are blushing. Did you and Prentiss argue?"
- "No, honey. We didn't argue. She just wanted to check on me ‘cos she was worried I was mad at her. But that's all."- Spencer just nodded and looked at me in silence.- "Why don't we just go home and forget about today, honey?"
Easier said than done.
So Seaver was getting under my skin. And it was getting harder to control. That week was hell, and I didn't want to show it. Eventually, I talked with Emily again, and I tried to explain to her I wasn't being mean with Seaver. I just didn't like her. And though I gave Emily my word to be friendlier with Ashley, the circumstances weren't really helping.
Things didn't get any better than Friday night. No, if anything, that was the night that made it all worse. Prentiss, JJ, and I got together at Garcia's house and had a few drinks before leaving for Anderson's birthday. I was making my biggest effort to have fun and ease my mind. Spencer said he wasn't sure he'd make it ‘cos he was tired, and automatically I almost turned out the whole deal, but Penelope literally dragged me to her house and put a beer in my hand.
- "You, my young lady, are going to put some makeup on, a hot dress, and we are going to party!"
- "But PG, I'm not…"- but she didn't let me out of it. Instead, she shushed me and raised an eyebrow, looking pretty convincing.
- "No "but." You are going. End of the conversation."
So she dragged me to the bar, along with Prentiss and JJ, who had left Will with little Henry to join us for what was promised to be one epic girl's night.
Anderson was so happy to see us. He was a sweetheart who was always willing to help us. I knew technically he didn't work at the BAU, but he was always there whenever we needed him. We all felt he was part of the team.
- "Sonny!!"- I yelled and hugged him tight
- "I'm so glad you girls made it!!"- and his smile was priceless- "JJ!!"- he actually yelled when he saw her and ran to give her a triple bear hug.
- "Grant Anderson!! I can't believe it's really you!!"
- "I've missed you so much!! How's Henry?"
- "So big!! I feel I haven't been out with friends in so long!"- JJ looked around, and her face kept lighting up as she recognized more friends and acquaintances from Quantico. I looked around and recognized Morgan already flirting with a woman at the other side of the bar.
- "Looks like chocolate thunder knows how to keep himself busy,"- I joked, and Garcia turned immediately.
- "Have you ever seen him shirtless?"- she asked in a lower voice and leaned a little closer to me, just to make sure no one would listen- "I'm sure it's illegal looking so good in real life."
I laughed and turned to see Prentiss walk to the bar to get us the first round of drinks. Ok, I'll admit it, I was having a great time. I know I didn't want to go at first, but spending time with my work friends and not just with Spencer was refreshing. Not that I didn't do fun things with the rest of the team, but my relationship with Spencer, I mean the friendship that pretty much looked like a relationship, consumed most of my time. But I just loved being with Reid more than anything.
But one night without him wasn't going to be the end of the world. Right?
Right.
Anderson and I danced and laughed. It was all very innocent. And though I've never considered myself a hot chick or whatever, a few guys asked if they could get me drinks, and I kindly declined. I wasn't looking for a one-night stand or anything. I just wanted to have fun with my friends.
- "And where's Reid?"- Anderson asked as we reached our table, where Prentiss and JJ were catching up and laughing.
- "Home, he said he was tired."
- "And? When are you two going to come clean about your relationship? You know, having the confirmation of your romance would be the best birthday present you could ever give me."
- "Grant Anderson, you nosy bastard!!"- I hit his arm and heard his laughter- "You know we are not dating!"
- "Come on!! I mean it! You have to get together! You are like the FBI sweethearts!!"
- "Shut your face!"- Anderson laughed even harder and took a look around the bar
- "So, if you are not dating Spencer, I have a friend who asked about you."
- "Who? What friend? Is he here?"- Garcia shouted question after question as she had overheard the whole conversation and even moved closer.
- "His name is James. He saw you on the news a few months ago, at a press conference with Rossi, and has been asking about you ever since."
I frowned and looked at Garcia, who was wide-eyed staring at Anderson. I had no idea what was going on. It was bizarre.
- "No, thank you?"- I whispered, not even sure of what I should answer at that- "I'm very flattered, Grant, but… I'm really not looking for someone right now."
- "You are not?"- Garcia asked me, and I just shook my head.
- "No, I have too much going on in my life, with work and… well… what we do…"
- "Really?"- Anderson sounded a little disappointed- "Well, in case you change your mind, James is…"
- "(Y/N)? Can I talk to you for a second?"- Garcia grabbed my arm and crawled me to a side of the bar.
- "What? What is it?"
- "Munchkin, you know I love you."
- "Yes, I love you too, PG."
- "That's why I feel like I need to be honest with you, ‘cos you've always been so sweet, and we've known each other for years now, and I feel like if I don't tell you this, you are never going to forgive me."- Penelope was nearly hyperventilating as she spoke.
- "Ok, what is it? You are scaring me."
- "You have to tell Reid how you feel."
- "What?"
- "He has to know! You have to tell him!"
- "I don't wanna talk about what, Penelope"- I tried to walk away from her, but she stopped me, grabbed my arm, and pulled me back.
- "No, (Y/N). He loves you, I'm not a profiler, I don't even play one on tv, but I am sure what I see in his eyes when he looks at you is love… ‘cos it's the same you have when you look at him!"
- "Son of a bitch!!"- the words escaped my lips as my heart nearly left my chest.
- "No, (Y/N)!"- but Garcia lost my attention that second, ‘cos all I could see was Spencer Walter Reid walking into the bar and Ashley Seaver hanging from his arm.
- "What do you want me to tell him, Garcia? To have fun with his new girlfriend?"- I pointed at the door, and her jaw nearly hit the floor.
- "Ok, no. There has to be a reasonable explanation for that!"
- "Yes, but Spencer being in love with me is not the explanation. I'm gonna get a drink."
Spencer's point of view
I was surprised to get Ashley's phone call that night. When my phone rang, I was ready to go to bed. My head was killing me. I had already scheduled an appointment with the doctor for some exams. I was starting to have a bad feeling about what those headaches really were, and I was too scared to tell anyone what was going on. Not even (Y/N).
Actually, of all people, she was the one I wanted to keep in the dark. Why? ‘Cos ever since we met she had taken care of me, I didn't think it was fair. She had taken me into her life and given me a place in it. And sometimes, I felt I was a burden. She helped me overcome all of my traumas and even my drug addiction. She introduced me to her best friends and made me part of her life. (Y/N) had taken trips with me to Las Vegas just to see my mom, ‘cos she knew it was hard for me to do it on my own. If it hadn't been for her, I would have probably spent over a year without visiting her. Now, we took a weekend to see mom every few months.
Why would I trouble her with some headaches? It wasn't fair.
When Ashley called, for a moment, I thought it might be (Y/N), asking me to pick her up. But no. It wasn't her that time.
- "Hey Spence, I'm sorry to bother you, but… are you at Anderson's party?"
- "No, actually, I'm in my house."
- "Why? I thought you were invited too."
- "Yeah, I know, and I was, but I'm kind of tired, and I wanted to come home and get some rest. Why? Are you at the party?"
- "No, but I was getting ready to go. But now I feel kind of awkward asking you."
- "What? What is it?"
- "I just… wanted to know if you could come with me. I'm so sorry, Spence, I didn't know you were tired. I just… I wanted to go to the party, but I feel kind of silly going alone. I wanted to ask Prentiss, but she left with (Y/N) and Garcia, and I felt so awkward asking…"
I wanted to groan, roll in my bed and hide under my pillow. But Ashley was the new girl, and she deserved to have some fun.
- "Don't worry, I'll take you there,"- I know I whispered my answer ‘cos I didn't really want to do it, but somehow I felt it was my duty.
- "Really?!"- and by the excitement in Ashley's voice, it was clear that was what she wanted to hear.
- "I'll pick you up in half an hour, ok?"
- "Thank you so much, Spence!!"
But when I walked into the bar, I knew I had made a mistake. I felt it in my guts. The same intuition I never followed in my personal life, only on the field.
I quickly looked around as Ashley held on to my arm tightly and walked into the bar with a big smile. I soon found Prentiss and JJ talking at a table filled with empty glasses, and my heart jumped inside my chest at the warm, familiar feeling that my friends gave me. I missed JJ very much. And not just as a team member but as a friend who had been taken away from us. (Y/N) always said I didn't know how to deal with change, neither did she, and the shifts in the team always affected me.
Soon I saw Morgan too, talking with Anderson and some other agents. Garcia had to be close then, but I couldn't see her or (Y/N) anywhere around.
- "Come on! Let's get a drink!"- Ashley said and crawled me to the bar.
- "I don't drink and drive"- I said, and she pouted.
- "Come on! You are no fun! Just one!"
- "No, just water. Thanks,"- I turned and scanned the place. Everybody was there, and they seemed to be having fun. Penelope waved and walked to me suddenly. She cut me a short smile and grabbed my arm.
- "Hey, what the hell are you doing here?"
- "I didn't want to come, but Ashley insisted and…"
- "Hi!"- Ashley appeared by our side and handed me a bottle of water- "I'm so excited to be here! We really needed to decompress after everything that happened this week, right Garcia?"
Penelope stared at us, trying to formulate an answer. I could see her making her bet to say something, but she just didn't. Instead, she just turned around and walked away.
- "Is she ok?"- I didn't know how to answer that, ‘cos Penelope's reaction surprised me. Ashley just looked around and grabbed my arm again.
- "Come on, Spencer! Let's dance!"
- "No, I don't… dance, sorry."
Lucky for me, Prentiss showed up and invited us to sit with her at her table. I don't know if she noticed I was uncomfortable, but I was glad to see her. Being in that bar made me feel pretty awkward and exposed.
I had never been much of a party person. I wasn't used to bars and gatherings until I joined the BAU. When I first met Derek, he tried to take me out a few times and be my wingman. It's obvious he failed at that mission. Meeting people at a bar is the most complicated equation I could ever try to solve. It doesn't work for me, no matter how hard Derek pushed me to do it. He said I had to rely on what made me feel comfortable. But no. It wasn't that I couldn't meet people. It was that I didn't want to meet anyone once I met the woman of my dreams. Even when I knew she could never be mine.
When (Y/N) came along, she started hosting these fun "dinner parties" with Frank, Lu, and Mikey, which changed everything. It was the first time I was hanging out with people my age doing things I actually liked doing. It wasn't about drinking or picking girls in a bar. It was about playing Jenga, or charades, eating pizza, and talking about movies and sometimes even books.
(Y/N) said her friends considered me part of the gang, which was all I ever wanted to hear. That I belonged. It's kind of sad when you think about it, but I don't care. I had never felt like I belonged anywhere, and they made me feel like I was one of them. They took me to their rock shows, and I jumped along with the crowd, knowing I wasn't an outcast there. I was with my friends.
You don't know how good that made me feel. And for years, they were my social comfort and cocoon. Then, when Rossi joined the BAU again, he started hosting fancy dinner parties at his house, and I got to hang out with the whole team without being at a bar, pushed to meet people. And it was so good. (Y/N) always said Rossi's arrival had a cohesive effect on us. Not because he brought us together, but the circumstances of his arrival and everything that happened that first year.
This team is no stranger to trauma, and that's a fact. I think Rossi's dinner parties gave us a space to be ourselves, relax, have a few drinks and enjoy our time together. I think that's when we stepped from being friends to be family.
And I hadn't had one before.
I hugged JJ tight as soon as I saw her smiling at me. I hadn't seen her ever since her goodbye party, over two months before, but we had talked on the phone a few times.
- "I've missed you so much, Spence!!"- she said and held my face with both hands- "You and (Y/N) owe me two babysit nights,"- and I laughed, thinking we promised we'd take care of Henry so she and Will could have a date, but we were called for a case.
- "Wait! It was one night!"- I argued, chuckling- "Why is it two nights now?"
- "‘Cos I lost a very exclusive reservation due to the two of you."
- "Technically, it wasn't our fault, we were called in for a case..."
I smiled and sat next to JJ, and Prentiss sat next to me. Ashley stood by the table and smiled at JJ. Right, they didn't even know each other.
- "It's very nice to meet you, Agent Jareau. The team talks very highly of you,"- she shook JJ's hand and smiled.
- "Ashley, right? Prentiss was just telling me you will be taking your remedial training at the BAU. Congratulations, it's a fantastic team to work with."
- "Thank you,"- I took a look around, still trying to find my best friend around. But it seemed useless, and I was starting to feel worried.
- "Where's (Y/N)?"- I had to ask.
- "She was with Anderson a minute ago,"- Penelope said and looked around- "I am going to look for her and bring her here in a second. I'll be right back."
And so, she was gone.
Prentiss and I pretty much interrogated JJ about her new job and the new team she worked with at the pentagon. I sipped my water and half-listened her answer, ‘cos most of my head was trying to register what was going on around me. No, actually, I was trying to find (Y/N). Penelope had been gone for half an hour looking for her, and I was starting to think something weird was going on. Besides, my head was killing me, and all I wanted was to go home. But I hadn't seen JJ in weeks, and I couldn't waste a chance like that.
Ashley talked with Prentiss too, and every once in a while, she tried to engage in conversation with me. But to be honest, I couldn't really concentrate on anything. I just wanted to know (Y/N) was alright.
- "Excuse me,"- I stood up slowly and looked at my friends- "I'm going to the bathroom, be right back."
- "Can you get us another round on our way back?"- Prentiss asked and smiled guiltily.
- "Sure."
- "Do you need help?"- Ashley tried to stand up, but Emily stopped her.
- "He got it, don't worry."
So I was left on my own. I walked around the bar. In my mind, I kept telling myself I was "looking for the bathroom," but I knew very well I was indeed trying to find (Y/N). I had been in that bar for an hour, and I still hadn't seen her. I was worried.
I walked around the bar and found Anderson. He seemed to be a little shocked to see me there but smiled and hugged me. It was weird hugging people, still. But Anderson was part of the team. It always felt like it. We had known each other for years, and somehow it was like he was in the background of our daily basics.
- "Have you seen (Y/N)?"- I asked him, and he widened his eyes- "What?"
- "Yeah, she's right there, actually… "- Grant Anderson pointed and turned around- "Later, Reid."
- "Bye"- I didn't even look at him. I just turned and looked around to see (Y/N).
But my best friend didn't notice me. She was too busy kissing some guy.
I stood in front of her, not knowing what to do. Her eyes were closed, and her arms were around his neck, so clearly, she wasn't in distress, and no matter how badly I wanted to take her from him, I just couldn't.
For a minute, I couldn't believe my eyes. I just stood there and stared at (Y/N), trying to understand what was going on. I always knew she wasn't meant to be mine, but I had never gotten such a brutal reminder. Not even when she was dating Paul. Watching her kissing someone else was shocking. The way that man put his hands on her waist and held her close to him, just like I always dreamt of doing, was painful.
Painful. That was the only word I can explain how it felt.
I stood there for a minute or so. I really don't know how long it was, but it felt long enough to burn in my memory everything I needed to torture myself with for the rest of my life. I stepped back after a minute. It might have been longer; I really can't recall. And all I managed to do was to walk out of the bar and reach my car.
I opened the door and slammed it as I sat behind the wheel. I wanted to cry and yell. But I didn't do either of those. Instead, I stayed still, staring at the nothing in front of me, trying to erase that fresh memory from my head. But it was impossible. (Y/N) was making out with some guy inside that bar, and there was nothing I could do to stop her. So I did the only thing I could do at that minute. I started the car and got the fuck out of there.
DIWK Taglist:
@all-tings-diego @big-galaxy-chaos @muffin-cup @shilohpug @eternalharry @tvandfanfic @fandomtrash2405
Spencer taglist
@calm-and-doctor
General Taglist
@spenxerslut @ash19871962 @babebenhardy @meowiemari @archer561
Do you want to be on the taglist or ramble about this chapter with me? Just send me a message here.
Next update: June 23th, 2021
163 notes · View notes
minimoefoe · 3 years
Text
About Kerblam!
So basically a lot of people seem to really hate Kerblam! and I just finished re-watching it and I literally have no problems with it so I thought I would give some of my Thoughts™ because apparently I just have to give my opinion on everything. This is way too long, sorry.
Tbh I kinda think that this episode is a great example of people taking something from Thirteen’s era and trying to twist it and make it seem way more horrific than it actually is. ‘The systems aren’t the problem’ does not equate to ‘The system runs perfectly well and everything that’s happened here is fine.’ Which is what I feel like some people jump to. 
I think to turn that quote into some pro-capitalist statement is to just completely twist how the whole episode presented the situation at Kerblam and how the end of the episode showed that positive change, which the Doctor was pleased with, was happening.
Obviously the system sucks. Barely anyone can get a job and the people that do get jobs are supposed to be grateful that they’re doing the most mind numbing tasks you can imagine. The episode doesn’t try and tell us that what’s happening at Kerblam is okay. We’re supposed to feel bad for Kira, Dan and the other workers. We’re supposed to think that this is a shitty way to have to live. It’s not like the main message of the episode is that what’s happening at Kerblam isn’t a problem. It very clearly is a problem and the episode presents it as such. . 
THE DOCTOR: ‘The systems aren’t the problem. How people use and exploit the systems: that’s the problem. People like you.’
Uhhh, she’s kinda right, actually. There’s nothing inherently wrong with people creating systems and using technology to help make some things easier. The problem comes when the systems takes over and makes people redundant or when the systems end up hurting people. 
I was reading some articles about this episode and I found this section of one that I really liked:
‘...the moral of the episode is one that’s coming more and more clear the more we rely on technology as a species. Charlie plans to commit mass murder because he’s decided that the system must be destroyed in order to fix anything, but the Doctor disagrees, saying, “The systems aren’t the problem. How people use and exploit the system, that’s the problem.” It makes perfect sense coming from our engineer Doctor, someone who understands full well that technology isn’t inherently evil of itself—it’s all in what we choose to do with it.’
The system, as it is during the episode, is a problem, for sure. But the source of that problem is the people that put the systems in place in the first place. The Doctor sees that very clearly. People created robots and made everything automated. People made humans pretty much redundant. People put in the 10% human quota. People (Charlie) are trying to literally kill other people using the system. The system killed someone but only after it started getting attacked by a person.
And it’s not okay that the system killed someone, obviously, but there is a reason why it happened. Much like how it’s not okay that Charlie wants to kill a ton of people but there is a reason he wants to do that. You might not think the reasons are big enough to make the deaths okay or worth it but they are still reasons (only one of which is even slightly valid imo but I’ll get to that). And I don’t think the Doctor thinks the deaths are okay either. She certainly doesn’t think all the murdering Charlie is going to do is okay. She doesn’t specifically say the murder of Kira isn’t okay, as far as I can remember, but she doesn’t say it is either, she just states why it happened.
The systems wouldn’t have literally killed people if Charlie wasn’t scheming away. He has the right idea in terms of wanting the current system to change but his plan was just... not good. His plan wasn’t to make everyone on Kandoka see how awful the current system is so steps can be made to fix it or to like, get people protesting the current system, he just wants to make people scared of technology altogether.
THE DOCTOR: It took [Kira], knowing how you felt about her. To show you how it would feel. Because how you feel right now about Kira is how all those families and friends will feel if your plan goes off. CHARLIE: If that’s the price to change how everyone on Kandoka sees technology, then it is worth it. For the cause.
Charlie’s whole plan is using and exploiting the system which is why the Doctor directly calls him out with ‘people like you.’  
This brings me back to the reasons for the killing that’s going on. I think I’ve seen the argument that ‘The system LiTeRaLlY killed someone’ as a ‘the system is obviously the problem’ argument’ and I just... don’t agree. The reason the system killed someone leads directly back to people being the problem. Kira would not have been killed if Charlie hadn’t been planning something awful. And that’s not to say it’s completely okay the system killed Kira. It’s to say that there’s a somewhat valid reason that it happened. Valid isn’t the right word but like.. The reason the system killed someone makes a lot more sense to me than the reason that Charlie wants to kill a bunch of people.
The system isn’t 100% helpless, because we see it has enough power to kill Kira, but it’s way of killing Kira fits into what the system was already programmed to do - deliver a package to someone. It contacted the Doctor and asked for help by doing something it was already programed to as well - print a package label. Killing Kira was all the systems could do to try and get Charlie to stop what he was planning. It didn’t work but it was worth a try because that might have been the last chance of stopping Charlie if the Doctor didn’t figure it out in time. Had the system’s plan of killing Kira worked and made Charlie realise that what he was doing was crazy then I think her death would probably had been worth it.
Now, Charlie on the other hand is basically planning to have the Kerblam men kill a bunch of people in order to make everyone on Kandoka scared of technology. I think it’s likely that if he were to have got away with his plan, it wouldn’t have had the effect he was hoping for. I can’t imagine a mass Kerblam ‘malfunction’ would make everyone eternally scared of technology. They would surely just create a new set of robots that were just controlled differently so the ‘malfunction’ wouldn’t happen again. And then things would basically go back to how they were.
Charlie’s plan does nothing to make the actual system, like the general work flow at Kerblam, look bad in order to force change, it just makes the robots look like they need major fixing. So imo, Charlie saying it’s ‘worth it’ for all those people to die in order to get what he wants is ridiculous because his plan is so higher risk. 
There’s no way for Charlie to have known how people would have reacted to a mass Kerblam man malfunction, anything could have happened because of it, but there were only two outcomes for killing Kira - either Charlie carries on or he stops and sees sense. That’s worth the risk imo, especially if that was the absolute last chance of stopping him, which it would have been if the Doctor and co hadn’t been there.
The systems can and should exist, that’s just evolution, the progression of humanity, people just need to be more careful with what they do with it or things like the situation at Kerblam will keep happening. Getting rid of it completely, like Charlie wants, is an unrealistic goal. Things just have to be put in place to fix the damage that’s already been done. Technology has come too far for it all just disappear.
At no point do I think the Doctor is saying that the way Kerblam runs is okay. She’s obviously not fuckin advocating for the way Kerblam and every other company like it treats their workers. She’s just saying that people are the reason that the systems have got so bad and it’s the people that have to do something about it.
And that ends up happening, things get put in place to make life at Kerblam better than it was. The things Judy and Slade put in place aren’t gonna be perfect, I’m sure, but it is progress from that 10% human quota. 
I mean, in an ideal world no one would have to work at all and the robots actually would just completely take over but everyone, including the Doctor I’m sure, knows that that is an unrealistic goal and the changes put in place at the end of the ep are a positive step in the right direction, even if it isn’t the ideal life.
-
I was going to add another long section in here about how I don’t care that Charlie died and I don’t think Thirteen did anything wrong but basically it just boils down to - She gave him the option to come back up and leave with them. He knew she was going to detonate those bombs, the Kerblam men were already opening the packages, but he refused to move. 
Had he decided to come back up with them, I’d imagine that the Doctor would have stopped the detonation to give him time to get up.  But he didn’t so we’ll never actually know. All we know is he was given the option and he refused. It’s really that simple imo. Idk what about the situation makes Thirteen this horrific person who murdered some ‘innocent’ guy. Charlie was a prick. It would have been nice if he say sense and went with them but he didn’t so tbh I can’t say I care much that he’s dead
60 notes · View notes
midnightsconspiracy · 3 years
Text
Faith Restored
Tumblr media
Faith Restored - @midnightsconspiracy
Summary: When an argument with your husband causes you to walk out, a vendetta against him leads to you being kidnapped. But will Hank find you in time to be reunited with him and your child?
Warnings: Swearing, Violence
Word Count: 2670
Requested: Yes! I got these two requests so decided to combine them into one fic as they were pretty similar, so I hope the people that requested don't mind. :)
"hi!! I’m so happy I found someone that loves hank too. I’ll literally take any fic with him: age gap romance, marriage, having a baby, his enemies taking you and him tearing the city apart to get you back, some combination of all that, I’ll take it all. thank you for your writing!!"
"Hii! I love your fics 💖 could you please write something with hank, like he arguments with his girlfriend about their work, then she’s kidnapped and he gets all worried and asks for forgiveness, if you don’t feel comfortable with that it’s aaaaall goood :) xoxo"
A/N: I really enjoyed writing this fic and I have a few more requests to write so stayed tunes for them. But thank you for your support and keep sending requests in. Also if you've got some free time drop me a message, I'd love to hear from some of you guys!!!
Masterlist
Love. It was a feeling you had refused to believe in. Everyone around you telling you that the one was out there, and it was only a matter of time, but you were convinced that wasn’t true. At one point previously you had believed in it but that only led to a broken heart and weeks of uncontrollable crying, the man you thought was the one, cheating on you only days before your wedding. So how could it be true if the universe had let you suffer that badly? But as cliché as it sounds, that point of view changed completely as soon as you started your new job as a detective in the intelligence unit. From day one you had fallen head over heels for your boss, that hope of love finally returning. It had taken a long time for you to trust him and enter a fully committed relationship as that fear of heartbreak and the large age gap between you loomed over you both initially. Hank had been the best though, taking his time going step by step to make sure you were comfortable with everything, as well as keeping away the judgement from others the best that he could. He understood that feeling himself, still suffering the loss of Camille’s death, scared that you would leave him, but instead of being non-committal, it drove him to love you more, living each day like it was his last.
Now five years later, your relationship was pure bliss. Long gone were the days of doubts and distrust, instead replaced with only contentment and loyalty. Onlookers still judged the unconventional age difference but you had learned to live with it, coming to the conclusion that you loved Hank regardless and that was all that mattered. Only eight months into the relationship he decided that you really were the one for him, and a world in which he didn’t spend the rest of his life with you was one he couldn’t imagine, and so proposed inside his office, the place that started it all. You married shortly after at the courthouse, with only a small guest list, just wanting to be surrounded by your closest friends and family. The unit all in attendance, some crying, others wishing it were them getting married but collectively all ecstatic at the fact their favourite office romance was finally tying the knot. The next couple of months felt like absolute paradise, like you were in some sort of dream never to wake up again. Never a day went by where you didn’t feel the utmost joy and love in your heart, each day was a new adventure with the man that you could finally call your husband. You were on cloud nine thinking your life couldn’t get any better, until one day two pink lines stared back at you.
When you married Hank you didn’t expect to have any children, with him already having Justin and a grandson. This left you a little disheartened, but you would have married him under any conditions, even if that meant your dream of having kids would never come true. Whilst talking about your future together in the first few months of dating, the topic of kids had come up once or twice, with him stating he would love to have kids with you, but believing he couldn’t have any due to his age. But once you had told him you were pregnant, he was absolutely elated, even crying whilst confessing how much he loved and appreciated you. After a relatively difficult pregnancy with Hank being the most supportive, protective partner there could be, you gave birth to a gorgeous baby boy weighing in at 8 pounds, having his eye colour and your nose, a perfect combination of the both of you. For the first few years of your babies life, you spent your time staying at home looking after him, watching him grow up to look more and more like your husband each day. But finally, after his third birthday, you decided the unit was your calling and you wanted to rejoin your old team.
Things started off relatively normal, reuniting with the unit properly, finally becoming a team again. Adrenaline filled your veins once more, loving the thrill of arresting criminals and going on busts. The words ‘let's roll out’ sent sparks of serotonin throughout your body, loving being back after years of ‘calmness’ from child care. This new feeling caused you to get a little over-excited sometimes but nothing, in your opinion, that could be considered careless. However, if you asked Hank he would completely disagree. The man just wanted you to be safe at all times, not just for him but for your son as well. Things started heating up after a couple of weeks of you working there, him not wanting to address it initially as he knew you were so happy doing what you loved, but he was scared for your safety. He didn’t want a repeat of his last marriage, he adored you so much he wouldn’t know what to do with himself if you were to get an injury or die. That was until one night, a bad day at the office caused him to snap, needing you to know how he felt about what you were doing.
Leaning against the counter in the kitchen at your shared home, you heard the door slam, knowing it was Hank, who had stayed behind in his office after a particularly nasty case.
“Hi Babe, did you get everything done that you wanted to?” You chirped, just happy that your husband was finally home.
“Y/N we need to talk,” you turned around to face him, your smile falling at his serious tone.
“Ok?”
“I understand you love being back in the unit but Y/N, we have a son now”
“What are you trying to say?” You replied, your tone turning sour, part of you knew what he was trying to say, but never in your mind did you think he would confront you about it. Why couldn’t he just be happy for you?
“I just think you’re being too reckless in the field,” he remained calm, just trying to get you to understand where he was coming from.
“Reckless? Are you fucking kidding me! I’ve spent three years looking after our kid and you can’t even allow me to have this?” You were furious by this point, you loved your job and had been away from it for a long time. Ok, maybe you were a little under cautious sometimes but not what he was suggesting!
“I'm just looking out for you, I can’t have you dying on me Y/N! You’re my wife for god’s sake I want you to be alive and safe!” He raised his voice, angry you couldn’t see what he was seeing.
“You know what fuck you, Hank!” You pushed past him, grabbing your keys and wallet on the way out, getting into your car to go anywhere but that house.
Driving around the city you were thinking of places to go, your parents, a hotel, another member of the units house? Finally deciding on Jay’s apartment you pulled into his buildings car park, checking your phone before going inside. Staring back at you were five missed calls and thirteen unread messages, all from the same person, the reason why you were outside someone else’s apartment and not your own home. Getting out of your car you walked towards the entrance of the apartment building, mulling over whether you should message Hank back. Deciding against it, you lowered your phone, not even wanting to think about it for the time being. Suddenly someone grabbed you by the waist, yanking you towards them, placing a foreign material over your mouth. You screamed, praying someone would hear your cries as you kicked your legs out and at the perpetrator as they dragged you backwards. More hands reached out to pull you into a car, sobbing you regretted what happened earlier, wishing you would have just stayed home. Finally, as your vision blurred, you hoped the unit would find you before it was too late.
Waking up in a cold room, you tried to pull your arm towards your chest, meeting resistance in the form of metal chains attached above your head. You groggily looked around, using your detective skills to assess the situation you were in, noting nothing in the cold, concrete room except yourself and a metal frame chair placed in front of you. Confused at the situation, you thought about what you had done, was it a person you had arrested? Or someone who had a vendetta against you? That you didn’t know, you couldn’t comprehend anything at the moment, your head pounding not allowing you to think clearly. You remembered being in the apartment complex’s car park after an argument but other than that everything was hazy. Thinking as hard as you could, your thoughts were interrupted as one of the offenders entered the room. He sat at the chair, sharpening his knife, a sadistic smirk played on his face.
“You know why you’re here?” Raking your brain you couldn’t think of anyone you had pissed off enough for them to go to these extremes.
“No,” you replied not wanting to antagonise him in any way.
“Your killer of a husband murdered my boy in broad daylight and no one, NO ONE, ever did anything about it!”
“That wasn’t me, please just let me go, you can talk it out with my husband in the proper ways!” You pleaded, knowing that him showing you his face didn’t bode well for your chances of survival.
“YOU SIGNED UP FOR THIS THE DAY YOU MARRIED THAT MURDERER!” He shouted out, punching you in the stomach, taking his anger out on you anyways possible.
“He’ll find us, and when he does he’ll kill you too,” you spat knowing that you couldn’t make anything worse. In response he threw a series of punches at your face, grabbing his knife holding it to your throat. Smirking he replied,
“You think he really cares about you?”
“WELL, WHERE IS SHE?” Hank was absolutely seething. Shouting at anyone who came to talk to him, both members of his unit and uniformed officers alike. He couldn’t lose her, besides his son, she was his whole life, not even wanting to picture a world where she wasn’t with him. He had to prepare for the worst, he knew that, but he couldn’t do it without a tear coming to his eye. Why her? Why couldn’t they just have taken him instead? He was who they wanted, not her, so why couldn't they just have fucking take him?! The team all sat watching, waiting, knowing it was only a matter of time before he would come out and demand answers, ones they didn’t have at the moment. They owed their boss, cashing in multiple favours with him throughout their time in intelligence, and they knew this was the only thing Voight would ever ask for in return. And Y/N, you had worked with them for years, not just being colleagues but developing a strong friendship that would last years to come, that’s if they could find you in time. Exiting his office, the unit turned to their boss as he spoke.
“I want everyone giving their all to this case, this is my wife we’re talking about, not just some faceless victim, Y/N, your friend, your colleague, and we are going to find her. No matter what it takes, am I clear?” Each detective replied with a ‘yes sarge' and getting to work, investigating every lead that they could. A couple of hours later the team had found the suspects, located pod footage from the time you were kidnapped and worked out a motive, everything seemed like was going well, except for the fact they still didn’t have a location. Another hour passed and still no location, Hank getting more and more agitated by the second, with his anger about to boil over, all with the push of a button, or a certain detective. Being the bearer of bad news, the team pushed Ruzek to play the devils advocate to tell the Sergeant they had come up empty.
“Hey Sarge, we’ve got nothing else, every lead we’ve got is coming up dry”
“NOTHING! YOU’VE GOT NOTHING? SHE COULD BE DEAD FOR ALL WE KNOW AND YOU’RE TELLING ME YOU’VE GOT NOTHING?” Hank boomed scared that his precious wife, who had done nothing to deserve this, could be being tortured or even worse dead.
“Hank, Hank” Olinsky stepped in, pushing his distraught friend back in his office, knowing Adam had done nothing wrong, instead just an outlet for his long term friends anger.
“It's ok, she’s gonna be fine” Alvin reassured him, knowing him exploding with emotions would do nothing to help his missing wife. Finally, an hour later, the team got a breakthrough courtesy of a CI of Dawson's, gearing up and rolling out as quickly as possible much to Hank’s delight.
Raising your head, you spat at the man in front of you, teasing him even more, threatening him to do his worst. He had beat you, cut you, degraded you, trying to get your spirit to break. Although you knew Hank would come to find you, you were starting to crack, the pain overwhelming to the point where you couldn’t cope anymore, a pain you wouldn’t wish on anyone. You were losing faith rapidly, expecting your unit to have already come by now, but where were they? Maybe they didn’t actually care about you? Lowering your head after a series of more beatings, you’d had enough.
“Please stop, please, I’ll do whatever you want, just please stop!” You cried finally giving into the man.
“I want you to pay for what your husband has done to my family, pay with your life,” he pulled a gun from the waistband of his trousers, pointing straight at the middle of your forehead. You had lived your life as much as you could, finding the love of your life, having a son and restoring your faith in the universe, well up until now. Closing your eyes you prepared yourself for the bullet, but when the loud shot came, it wasn’t from a gun but instead the door flying off its hinges.
“DROP THE WEAPON!” Someone shouted, someone that sounded weirdly familiar to your husband.
“DROP IT,” they repeated before you heard a clatter on the ground and a flurry of movement. Suddenly someone grabbed your face, nervously speaking your name. Opening your eyes, you looked up, staring straight into the eyes of your husband, smiling briefly before a cloud of darkness washed over you.
Waking up, the first thing you noticed with the constant beeping of a machine, then the warm feeling of a hand in yours. You slowly opened your eyes, blinking sluggishly adjusting to the harsh light, before focusing on the figure beside you.
“Hank?” You croaked, sounding like death itself but glad you were alive and facing your husband once more.
“Baby! Thank god you’re alive, you got me so worried there,” you smiled, thanking whatever god was out there for a second chance so you could spend the rest of your life with your husband and child.
“I-i missed you, Hank”
“I know Baby, I know I missed you too.”
“I’m sorry for walking out on you, why couldn’t I have just stayed there and listened to you? Talked it out properly”
“No don’t apologise, this was all my fault, you loved what you were doing and I was trying to take that away from you because of my own selfish wants.” You loved the man beside you unconditionally and although you were mad in the moment, this whole situation made you realise that nothing he could do could make you love him any less.
297 notes · View notes
weirdestbooks · 2 years
Text
Secret States Chapter 13
Confusion
France POV
As Ireland rushed out of the room, following America, Britain immediately turned to Liberia and began bombarding him with questions.
"Who was that man? Will you tell us now that America is gone? Why didn't the states want anyone to know? Why didn't America tell me once we made up? How are the Indians alive? What is going on with Delaware and New York? Do the original thirteen states hate me?"
"Alright slow down, I can only answer one question at a time." Liberia said.
"Sorry, sorry. But now that America has left, will you say who that man was?" Britain asked. Liberia sighed, and I leaned forward, eager for an answer to that question. Something about that man scared America. And anything that scared America was a cause for concern. If Liberia didn't give us an answer, then I would investigate him myself, which I'm sure Britain would be happy to join me with.
"The man is-" Liberia began before being cut off by Japan.
"Are you seriously going to tell them?" She asked.
"Yeah, because then Dee would actually murder you." Palau added.
"No, I'm not going to tell them! Just because I'm bad at keeping secrets doesn't mean I'm an idiot!" Liberia said, looking offended.
"Well then don't word it like you're going to say it." Germany said. Liberia flipped him off, and Germany rolled his eyes.
"Yeah that was the worst possible way to word it if you weren't going to say anything." South Korea pointed out.
"Shut up South!" Liberia told him.
"No." South Korea responded. Micronesia groaned.
"This family is a mess, can I get a better one?" He said.
"Micro what are you talking about? We are a perfectly normal and functioning family." Marshall Islands said.
"We're related to Florida and Australia." Micronesia deadpanned in response.
"He makes a good point." Japan said.
"How many of you knew about the states?" UN asked, cutting off the building argument. Japan, Germany, Marshall Islands, Palau, Micronesia, Liberia, Morocco, South Korea, Cuba, Afghanistan, NATO, and Philippines all raised their hands. That...was more than I expected, although America was related or close to most of that list, so I guess it made sense.
"Ireland knew too." Philippines added. Ireland knew? I shot a look at Britain, who looked betrayed, probably not expecting that, although then again, who expected today's events?
"Why did he know?" Britain asked.
"Dad told him during the Irish Potato Famine." Palau answered.
"America and Massachusetts told him during the Irish Potato Famine." Cuba corrected.
"And the reason he knew is because Dad actually likes him. Not to say he doesn't like you, but you don't have a great history together. Plus, no one wanted Massachusetts to go on his vengeance spree he's planned since Dad became independent." Japan added.
"Oh shit, I forgot Mass wanted to do that." Micronesia said.
"How did you forget, that's literally his favorite thing to talk about?" Liberia questioned.
"Aside from insulting Apple." Afghanistan pointed out.
"Who's Apple?" I asked.
"New York." The countries aware of the American states chorused.
"Why does he insult New York?" United Arab Emirates asked.
"Don't ask. Please. I don't feel like trying to explain or understand state rivalries." Micronesia said.
"Why do the states have rivalries?" Portugal asked.
"They don't like to get along. And border disputes. There is a lot of screaming about borders." Liberia said.
"There really ain't a lot of screaming about borders and more so the people who scream about borders are really fucking loud." Germany said.
"Literally whenever they start fighting it's really loud. I walk into Chedam's house and I instantly hear at least three fights and no one does anything aside from Dee and sometimes Conf-" Palau started, before she was cut off.
"PALAU!" Marshall Islands yelled, standing up abruptly. Palau paled and clasped her hand over her mouth. Philippines groaned, Cuba looked amused and everyone else had various expressions of anger and frustration on their faces.
"None of you can keep your mouths shut. You are going to end up spilling who he is and I will gladly rat out who did to America." Cuba said. Morocco gave him a confused look.
"Why?" He asked. Cuba shrugged.
"I feel like making things difficult for you."
"Thanks Cuba we really appreciate that." Germany said with a roll of his eyes.
"He is right that none of us can keep our mouths shut." Liberia said.
"No, Liberia, you can't keep your mouth shut. We can. For the most part." Japan argued.
"Like you're one to talk. Remember Penny's last birthday?" South Korea cut in.
"We don't talk about that!"
"We will absolutely talk about that." NATO said with a smile.
"We will not!"
"We will!" Palau called, having removed her hand from her mouth.
"I'll tell them who he is if you insist on bringing this up!"
"No you won't." Micronesia said.
"Yeah you won't." Philippines said in agreement.
"Fine I won't say who he is. But I still don't want to talk about that." Japan said.
"Well...I think it's time for me to go. Since I'm so bad at keeping secrets I really shouldn't be answering these questions. Maybe ask one of my siblings." Liberia said, "Bye!"
Liberia then proceeded to bolt for the door, which caused his siblings to protest it.
"If Liberia is leaving then I am too. I'm not dealing with this." Germany said, standing up.
"Yeah I agree with Germany. I am not staying to deal with this bullshit. It's Dad's problem and he can fix it." South Korea said, walking out.
"It would be best to get answers from United States of America, and not from the rest of you. I will...I'll try and get America to answer a list of questions about this. Email me a list of your questions and I'll make a bigger list to send to United States of America." UN said before he vanished, having gone back to the human world.
After UN left, everyone else began to leave. I remained in my set as Britain walked up to me, before sitting down in the chair next to me. Britain sighed.
"Why didn't he tell us?" He eventually asked.
"His history with you. And that fact that he doesn't seem to like telling people outside of family that he is close to. While we did get married, that was to spite America and his stupid joke. But if you really want to know, ask him." I said.
"I...I don't know if I should. I don't want to make things worse between us." Britain said. I rolled my eyes.
"So you are just going to ignore him? You can't ignore all your problems. Not for a lack of trying on your part." I said. Britain shot me an annoyed look.
"I...I'll work out whether or not I want to confront him later. But right now I have to go tell my territories and brothers about this." Britain said before standing up.
"I also want to figure out who that man was. When we are finished telling our territories about this, let's meet up and try to figure 5that out. I don't like how scared America seemed of him. If Ame is scared of him, I want to know exactly who he is and what he wants." I said. Britain nodded.
"I'm with you there. I'll see if I can get any of my brothers on board too. Wales probably knows something. He always does."
16 notes · View notes
thenightling · 3 years
Text
The Internet has forgotten what real ableism
The word Ableist is thrown around a lot where it doesn’t belong.
The way it is thrown around on the Internet it has been diminished an lost some meaning.   It's like the boy who cried wolf.
I’ve been called ableist on this Hell site twice.  Once for referring to the character Rumplestiltskin from Once Upon a Time as having a disability (The character walks with a cane because of a shattered ankle).  
Someone decided that acknowledging Rumplestiltskin has a disability is ableist because he “did it to himself.”   The character can’t walk without a cane.  But because they don’t like him and don’t sympathize with his backstory, he “doesn’t count” and if you say he has a disability “you are ableist” by default.   This... really happened...  
The other accusation was pretty recent.  It was someone angry at me for debunking Reality Shifting to F--king Hogwarts. Apparently explaining what Lucid Dreaming and maladaptive Daydreaming is now counts as Ableist.
The irony?  I am legally blind.  I’m not actually blind, it just means extremely poor eyesight.  
Hell, I saw Daredevil (the blind superhero) called ableist on this Hellsite because he called a serial killer “crazy.”  The character, in question, was The Punisher.  Yes, The Punisher was sympathetic.  But the blind Superhero, chained up by a known murderer, and being goaded to kill, is NOT “Ableist” for telling his own kidnapper that he’s crazy.  It’s not the most polite term but when you’re chained up by a killer you get a little slack, for God’s sake!  That doesn’t mean you forever call the blind character “Ableist”.
Neil Gaiman (the famous author) was called ableist right here on Tumblr and Facebook because he corrected the spelling of someone who sent him an antisemitic ask.  That’s right.  The Jewish author was called an ableist for... correcting a antisemite’s typo...   He was even sent an ask, asking him to defend himself, because someone had shown his reply to the antisemite to their Facebook group and the members said he was being ableist. The Jewish man was... being ableist... for correcting the typo... of someone sending him hate...  You can probably still find it on Neil’s blog.  You can’t make something like this up!   It’s just too profoundly stupid.  
Tumblr (and other sites) don’t know what ableism actually is and it’s infuriating.  You want to know what REAL ableism is?  
Ableism is being in kindergarten and for “safety” reasons they won’t let you play on the nice playground equipment all your friends are playing on because they’re afraid you’ll fall off with your poor eyesight but you can play on old, rusty, metal ones, making recess socializing really awkward and difficult.  THAT one is okay for some reason! Ableism is swinging around a toy animal with a long tail, accidentally hitting someone because you have no depth perception, the teacher KNOWING you have no depth perception, but still dedicating the afternoon to teaching the class why hitting is wrong, so it’s a humiliation fest because of an accident.
Ableism is being fifteen-years-old in high school and being the only kid who has to call home first to make sure “someone is there for you” to allow you to leave if school gets let out early.  Every... single... time... Ableism is knowing how to swim but the class fieldtrip to the public pool requires a permission slip and even with the permission slip you are only allowed in the wading pool.
Ableism is when Special Ed teachers treat you like you’re mentally disabled because it is the only disability they are used to. (This happens a LOT.)  It makes you feel like you’re stupid or that the world must see you as stupid so that when IQ tests arrive in the mail saying you have a superior intellect you break down crying.
Ableism is going to a school Speech therapy because you have a lisp (I lost my two front teeth when I was a two and they didn’t grow back in until I was almost thirteen).  And the speech teacher is used to neurological conditions where the student can’t shift topics in a conversation and decides you don’t need Speech therapy because you can hold a normal conversation.  Yes, but, I still couldn’t pronounce “Shh.”  I was there for a lisp!
Ableism is being bullied by other kids who pretend to miss their own mouth when eating to mock how poor your sight is. (Because you... see your mouth when eating?!?) Ableism is when a kid sings “O say can Amanda see” every single time we’re made to sing the Star Spangled banner so you come hate the National anthem  or “Three blind Pikes.”  (My name is Amanda Pike).   Three Blind Mice is already unpleasant enough.
Ableism is a teacher telling you she'll have your poetry published in an anthology but it must contain a short bio that says you're in the vision Impaired program.  As if that's the extent of who you are and the reason you'd be published and not because your writing is actually any good... Ableism is the head of the high school's "Vision impaired program" wanting to do "Vision awareness week" by pinning the names of everyone with visual disabilities all over the school.  Because that's not humiliating at all when there are kids already mocking you for your eyesight. Ableism is someone stealing your bookbag in Jr. High, and finding it later with the word “Cyclops” written across it in permanent marker.
Ableism is multiple reviews (including professional ones) whining that Neil Gaiman’s The Sandman audio drama adaptation should have been “updated” for modern audiences with certain parts taken out because it’s “problematic” even though this was literally the first version of the story accessible for the visually impaired or dyslexic. None of these reviews caring that anyone with a disability might want to know the story as it was originally written without having to have a friend read it out loud to them.  That’s ableism disguised as being “woke.”   “This thirty-four-year-old story doesn’t fit modern sensibilities. It should have been re-written.” while ignoring that for many this was their first time even having access to the story at all, warts and all, and sometimes you want to know how a thing was originally written- the good and the bad, not just the polished up and “updated” version.  Deliberately denying access to a story, as it was written, because you don’t like it, is ableist.     That’s ableism.
But...
When you’re called ableist for referring to a character who has a disability as having a disability simply because the person in question doesn’t like him...
When a blind character is called ableist for calling the man beating him up, chaining him up, and murdering people, crazy...
When a Jewish man is called ableist because he corrected the typo of an antisemite sending him hate...
When you’re called ableist for explaining what maladaptive daydreaming is and telling someone they aren’t magically gaining control of the universe where Harry Potter is real...
The word “Ableist” has lost all meaning.   And it’s infuriating.  As someone who has experienced genuine ableism since I was four-years-old, before the term was even coined, it is infuriating.  I knew some teachers, and students were treating me unfairly just because of my eyesight, but the term didn’t exist / wasn’t common yet.   And now the term is thrown around for stupid reasons so it’s diminished.
83 notes · View notes
spaceskam · 3 years
Text
only then i am human
Summary: Rosa and Alex have a talk.
Tags: friendship, asexual rosa
ao3
It was cold in Colorado.
Rosa felt a chill go down her spine, but it felt nice and sobering and she didn’t want to go inside to get a jacket. Instead, she swung her feet off the edge of the balcony, beneath the bars, and stared out to the nothingness around the hotel that Michael had picked.
She had listened to Alex and Michael old-married-couple argue the entire way up to the suite. Alex thought going somewhere expensive with a more obvious paper trail was stupid, but Michael had never been to a nice hotel and this was his only shot to do it with money he didn’t care about‒Jesse Manes’ life insurance. Alex stopped complaining whenever they got up to the suite and there was a separated bedroom and a pullout couch and the two of them would get to be alone for the first time since they left Roswell to go investigate.
Rosa had practically begged them to let her tag along, needing new scenery and to get away from everything that came with Isobel Evans. She was, again, too close for comfort and Rosa was starting to get anxiety whenever she came around, progress be damned. When she found out Michael and Alex were going to investigate Weird Alien Shit™, she jumped at the chance to put space between them.
But her mind was still hazy, still not liking the way she felt uncomfortable when Isobel texted to check-in. It was fine at first. She even liked talking to her for a while. And then it wasn’t fine.
Rosa flinched out of her daze as a blanket touched her shoulders and she looked to see Alex easing himself to sit beside her, placing his crutches on the ground beside him. He was in his nightclothes, his hair was wet, and he looked more relaxed than he had in a few days.
“Finally got laid?” Rosa asked. Alex snorted and rolled his eyes, but he didn’t deny it. Rosa let her eyes drift back out to the nothingness.
“You okay? It’s getting late,” he said instead. Rosa shrugged, resting her head against the bars. “Michael’s out cold, so you can talk without thinking he’s gonna overhear.”
Rosa huffed a laugh and looked back out. She didn’t actually care what Guerin heard. He was probably the only alien that didn’t make her skin crawl. She wasn’t sure if it was because Alex trusted him or if it was because he was brutally honest with her about everything, but she preferred him to even most people. Besides, he made Alex soft and fed him hot fudge sundaes and Alex deserved that.
“Isobel keeps texting me,” Rosa said.
“I thought you two were friends,” Alex said carefully. Rosa bit the inside of her cheek and swung her legs a bit harder.
“We‒are, but,” Rosa said, pausing as she tried to find the words, “I don’t know. Something is making it weird. Like, I’m not scared of her. But it’s close to fear. Or something. I don’t know, Alex, I don’t do feelings well.”
“Uncomfortable?” Alex guessed, slowly like he didn’t want to assume anything. Rosa shrugged but then nodded, though she wasn’t sure if that was the right word either. “How’s she acting?”
“I… I don’t know. She’s just too close sometimes. Leans too close and talks too close, like we’re a part of some inside joke together but I missed the memo. Kinda like it was before, Rosa tried, though it wasn’t quite right, “But not really. Like I don’t think she’s trying to make it weird. Does that make sense?”
“You think it might be PTSD?” Alex asked. Rosa instantly shook her head.
“No, it’s not just her.”
“Yeah, but you literally got murdered. Like… that can fuck someone up for more than just one person,” Alex said. Rosa’s lips twitched into a small smile and she shook her head.
“No, it’s not like that. It… It kinda happened before then. Drugs helped, honestly,” Rosa admitted, “Anyone who gets too comfortable with me in that way makes me feel weird and like I need to get away. And I usually can and do, but with her it’s a little different because we’re actually friends. And before everything, I either got high to deal with it or I pushed them away. But I’m friends with her, so I should be fine. I don’t know why I’m not fine. I don’t know, it’s weird, I don’t know how to explain it.” 
Rosa groaned, letting her head hit the bars with a bit of force. She hated trying to put her feelings into words.
“I mean, we’re close. I act close. You and Michael have been weirdly buddy-buddy. And Maria. Do you feel that with us?” Alex asked, though it sounded like he already knew the answer. Rosa eyed him until he quirked a small smile, a silent confirmation that he basically had her pegged.
“No. You two are gross, but I feel fine. Mostly.”
“So, do you think it might be, like, flirting? Is that what sets off the sirens in your head?” Alex asked. Rosa scrunched up her nose.
“Are they flirting?”
“I mean, I don’t know, I’m asking you,” Alex said, shrugging. Rosa looked more directly at him and wished he could just give her the answers. He was older than her now, so, really, he should be able to do that. “If they’re being close and stuff, it might be because she likes you. Just tell her you’re not interested.”
The idea of doing that made Rosa feel like locking herself in a small room and never coming out.
“Unless… You are interested.”
“No,” Rosa said instantly, shaking her head, “I’m not.”
“It’s okay if you are.”
“I’m not though,” Rosa said firmly, “But if I say something, she’s probably not going to be my friend anymore, right? Like she’ll get mad. And then I won’t have friends.”
“She won’t. And if she does then she’s the problem and fuck her,” Alex said simply. Rosa sighed, tilting her head back to look up at the moon. “Is this really like… a recurring problem? Where you get uncomfortable whenever you think someone might be flirting with you?”
“I mean, I’m just not interested in a relationship and I don’t want to lead anyone on and I don’t want to make anyone angry,” Rosa said, “It was much easier when I could just take something and not feel it.”
“Okay, but we’re not doing that. We’re working through it. Is it a rejection thing? A sexuality thing? Whenever I was in high school, I’d get that way when girls flirted with me, didn’t know what to do without giving them the wrong idea,” Alex offered, scooting closer as he tried to help. She appreciated it, but she also wished he’d leave her alone and go away. “You say you’re not interested. Are you, like, not interested at all… ever?”
“No offense, Alex, but I don’t want to have this conversation with you,” Rosa said. Alex huffed a small laugh.
“Who else is there to have it with?” Alex wondered. Rosa made a face and looked at him. He seemed open and earnest. He seemed grown up.
With a sigh, Rosa asked, “What does it feel like? When you like someone like that?”
“Like the scariest thing in the world and also the best. Like all the movie cliches make sense and half the time they’re all you can think about. You just want to be with them and have them pay attention to you. You just want them in anyway you can have them, like a craving you can’t satisfy. Like, with Michael, when we were younger, I was so scared of how much I wanted him, but he’d look at me and it felt like he trusted me and it made me feel brave. And, I don’t know, I guess I made him feel brave too. You just want to be close and to keep them safe and have them always,” Alex rambled, clearly trying his best to explain it.
For the first time, Rosa didn’t feel like she was drowning in confusion.
“Okay,” she said, “I’ve never felt like that before.”
“Ever?”
“No,” she said, laughing softly, “I thought that was fake.”
“Definitely not fake,” Alex said, looking at her with a soft look. Sort of like the one she tried so desperately to give him when he came to her, thirteen and miserable, to say he thought he liked boys and didn’t think he could tell anyone else.
He probably pulled it off much better than she did.
“Okay, then what does that make me? Heartless?” Rosa asked, though she didn't really feel bad about realizing what she wasn’t feeling. At least she knew that she was actually not feeling it and she wasn’t just drastically misunderstanding something. “A prude, maybe?”
“Have you ever looked into asexuality?” Alex asked. Rosa shook her head. “I haven’t really either to be fair. I actually learned about it from Michael. He apparently got really into queer literature and history whenever Max was dead, would read it to him as a way to be caring and annoying at the same time. Sometimes he’ll spout fun facts at me. Anyway, sounds like it might be something you wanna look into.”
“Okay, I will,” Rosa agreed, though she still found herself looking out to the nothingness.
“Not that you need labels. I just think sometimes knowing we’re not the only ones out there like us is helpful. And you’re already an anomaly in other ways, so might as well not make yourself feel more alone than you are, you know? It’s clearly upsetting you,” Alex said. Rosa nodded.
“I get it. Thanks.”
“And maybe talk to Isobel, tell her to give you some space.”
Rosa sighed, tilting her head back and closing her eyes for a moment. She just wanted everything to make since. She didn’t like navigating new friendships in the first place, it was scary and she was never able to gauge how they felt about her. It was easier, especially when she was sober, to just not deal with it. To just keep the friends she had now and push everyone else away.
But that wasn’t plausible or healthy and she knew it. That would lead a lonely existence and she was already lonely. She never felt like she was anyone’s person in the way she wanted to be someone’s person. And, really, it was a hard thing to request because she wasn’t sure how to explain it herself.
She supposed, however, that she would never get anywhere if she didn’t try.
“Seriously, trust me. Avoiding the tough conversations only leads to shitty situations. Like, you know, a decade of complications because you never speak,” Alex pointed out. Rosa rolled her eyes at him.
“You can’t pull that card with me, it’s you and Guerin’s fault for all that.”
Alex grinned and shrugged.
“Yeah, but once we talked, we got to a place that we’ve both been wanting for a long time. So cut out the bullshit and just tell her what you want and don’t want. Again, if she gets mad, fuck her,” Alex said. Rosa nodded and sighed all over again. Sometimes she hated having to be grown up. “Okay, I’m gonna go to bed. We’ve got a big week, so try to get some sleep yourself, okay? Love you.”
“Love you too,” Rosa said, accepting his smile as he pushed himself up and made his way back into the suite and into the room he was sharing with Michael.
It was weird hearing it put into words. She obviously knew people liked each other in a way different than she could understand, but she had never really clocked how real it was to them. She understood craving someone’s attention and presence, but it wasn’t in the way it seemed to be for Michael and Alex or even Liz and Max. She thought they were just being fucking annoying.
Maybe there was something she was missing.
Reluctantly, Rosa pulled out her phone and opened the text thread she’d had with Isobel.
Rosa: Hey, I think we should talk when I get back. Set some boundaries, maybe.
Before it could even show that Isobel had seen it, Rosa exited out and put her phone on do not disturb. She stared out at the trees and nothingness for a few more minutes before she eventually got the courage to get up and go inside. She shut the glass door and laid down on the pullout couch that Alex had set up for her. 
She hadn’t realized how tired she’d been until her head hit the pillow, a wave of exhaustion hitting her at full force. And she was thankful for that, honestly. It was easier to keep a clear head when you couldn’t stay awake.
Still, before she could fall asleep, she opened her notes app to type a reminder.
Asexuality. Ask guerin to borrow some of his books.
34 notes · View notes
pollylynn · 3 years
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Title: Absent Minded WC: 800 Episode: Suicide Squeeze (2 x 15)
He doesn’t mind being fatherless, famously or otherwise. He thinks he doesn’t mind. It’s possible, though, that he means that both idiomatically and literally. He is—and has been for as long as he can remember—of the opinion that he doesn’t mind being fatherless. There’s the idiom for you.
But Cano Vega and everything surrounding the man’s murder makes him wonder if he has thought his own I don’t mind into existence. Or maybe he’s thought the fact that he does mind out of existence. Or maybe the idea that not minding is somehow—literally—entirely too deep for him to contemplate. But here he is, contemplating fathers, fatherhood, and fatherlessness.
He thinks—now that he’s thinking about it—that he’s curious about fathers. It may not be that he minds not having one so much as it is a kind of . . . writerly void in the paternal area. He thinks about Montgomery in a new light. The two of them have traded their war stories and all the ridiculous ways they’ve gone wrong and, against all odds, gotten right.
But those father-to-father exchanges are different from the things he’s noticing now. He’s newly attuned to the man’s blend of geniality and toughness, the undeniable swell of pride he himself feels when Montgomery says there must be a little cop in the family, when he says with a mischievous, approving grin that his assassination-by-Cuba-sex-spy theory sounds like a Castle story. Those are the the things he’s thinking of right now, but it’s just curiosity, isn’t it?
He’s a writer. He’s curious about things, and it’s just that fathers are the thing floating around in the aether on this case. So he’s curious about Esposito’s baseball-loving father who apparently instilled his son with neither the ability to read social cues, nor the good sense to realize that no one over the age of thirteen should talk trash about the sex life, past or present, of anyone’s mother.
He is belatedly, insatiably curious about her father, and that’s troubling. The belated part is troubling, so he focuses on the insatiable part instead. Her dad has been taking her to ballgames since she was three, and he needs to know everything about that. He wants to hop the 4 to the 7 to contemplate the literally paved-over paradise that was once Shea stadium.
He wants to walk the scene and try to envision what kind of father he would have been in the early eighties, almost certainly without the high-end toddler-wrangling technologies that he himself enjoyed almost two decades onward. He wants to know if she was rambunctious or silent and wide-eyed. He wants to know how her father was with her, how she was with him. And in the here and now, he desperately wants to know what she said to her dad and her dad said to her when she revealed, in between high-pitched squeals of delight, that she’d just met Joe Freakin’ Torre.
He should want to know all that. She is the core of Nikki, and Nikki is not fatherless. So why hasn’t he wondered before now what her relationship with her dad is like. He thinks he probably has to worry about the belatedness of this concern.
His first stop on the path to that, though, is definitely denial. He tells himself that it’s entirely possible that it’s her dad’s has no one but himself to blame for the fact that he has not piqued the curiosity of the great and powerful Richard Castle. After all, the man had utterly failed her—his only daughter—by retreating to the bottle when she needed him most.
It’s tempting and repellant in equal measures to think that this attitude might be behind his much-belated curiosity. It’s tempting to tell himself that he is so pissed at the man, father-to-father, that he can’t even be bothered to wonder about him, and it’s an absolutely appalling idea that his unconscious might be blaming another human being for stumbling in the face of such a spectacular loss.
So he doesn’t know whether it’s good news or bad news that he knows—really knows when he peeks through the slats of a tightly shuttered room deep in his own heart—that his belated curiosity isn’t the result of his deep-seated resentment at the fact that he’d made his daughter an orphan for a while.
The belatedness of his insatiable curiosity about her dad, and by extension, about Nikki’s, is all about himself. He is curious about fathers. He has been curious about them for a long, long time. And he doesn’t want to be curious. He doesn’t want to wonder. He wants not to mind being famously fatherless.
A/N:This one is especially OOF with the lack of morphousness. This has been a long, tough week. Writing—even pretty crappy writing—helps? So thanks for reading.
images via homeofthenutty
12 notes · View notes
Text
Chapter 13 -- Perfect Harmony | Charlie Gillespie
Summary: Emily Fox is a talented 17-year-old with a passion for all things music. Her dream is to become a successful singer-songwriter one day. But to achieve that dream, she needs to get into one of the most prestigious music schools in her district – it’s all been part of her plan since she was six. Sadly enough, those schools cost a ton of money that her parents don’t want to invest. They don’t even want her to pursue her dream. So, now Emily’s hustling, working at the music store to save up to get into college. That’s until she meets Charlie, an annoying seventeen-year-old boy with the same dream as her. The only difference is, he’s just doing it. He doesn’t need a fancy college to pursue his dream to become famous with his band. He just writes his songs and books small gigs here, there and everywhere. Will meeting Charlie defer her from her dream college, or will he actually help her achieve the dream?
Pairing: Charlie Gillespie x OC (Emily Fox)
Warnings: mentions of death, sexual assault
Important note: the characters of Charlie, Owen, Jeremy and Madison are based on the characters they play on the show and i do not own their names, only OC are mine. The songs aren’t mine either, they’re all from the show except for one.
Tumblr media
Chapter thirteen 
~|Emily Fox|~
“Good morning, party girl!” Uncle Mitch shouts a little too loudly on a Sunday morning. “You look rough.” I sit down at the kitchen table on the opposite of him. “Gee thanks,” I rub my face harshly, then rest my head on my hand with my eyes shut. “You got in late last night. Didn’t think you’d stick around at a Brianna Holly party for so long. It surprised me you went in the first place, but you know, you do you.” My eyes shoot open at the reminder of last night. Jake’s eyes. Jake’s hands. On me. Jake’s lips. On me. “I shouldn’t have gone,” I tell him honestly which only earns me a worried look. “I mean, it was fun teasing Brianna a little and standing up for myself and playing a song with the boys but then Jake…” I trail off, not wanting to talk about it but Mitch and I are all about the open-book-policy. Talk about anything and everything with each other even if it might worry the other. Better to share the load than take all of it on one’s shoulders. “What did he do?” Uncle Mitch’s voice sounds darker, heavier. Almost villainous. “He was talking about how great we used to be and that he wanted it back, I think? I don’t really remember what we’d talked about, all I know for sure is that he’d tried to kiss me. The boys had to literally tear him off me.” Mitch’s eyes are intense, but at least he’s not trying to go and murder Jake. “We left pretty much straight after that and the boys took me to the Music Store. We stayed there, talking, pretty much all night.” I smile at the memory because even though what preceded that beautiful moment was literally the worst thing, it’s still a moment to cherish forever. “I’m glad those boys were there to help you out. They sound like great friends.” I smile a little and nod determinedly. “Wish I could hear you guys play.” “We’re having band practice later tonight, if you want to come and li—” I can’t even finish my sentence, because Mitch has already gotten up excitedly, dancing around the kitchen – though I wouldn’t call that dancing – and running up to me to hug me tightly. “But first!” He lifts a finger in the air. “Let’s grab all the snacks and watch some movies!” I nod excitedly and get up to gather up some snacks. With hot cocoas and all the chocolate in the world, we settle onto the sofa with blankets wrapped around us and Disney+ open to pick a movie since today is Disney day. We alternate between Disney+ and Netflix, one week Disney, the other non-Disney. “Can we watch Aladdin?” I suggest, mainly because it reminds me of mine and Charlie’s moment on the balcony, unbeknownst to my uncle. It’s been a little while since we’d made out on the balcony. Might have to suggest it soon. Mama needs her sugar. “Your uncle Bobby loved that movie,” Mitch comments as he presses play, “Do you remember you two singing A Whole New World together when you were really young, and he gave you a bath?” I nod my head at the far, but beautiful, memory. “That first weekend I came to stay at this house?” Mitch nods his head, “Yeah, I used to make a Sultan out of Bobby with the bubbles.” Uncle Mitch laughs at the memory. “The bathroom was such a mess after that!” I can’t help but laugh at the desperation in Mitch’s voice. “But you two were the cutest duetters alive. I loved having you around when you were really young too, you know? Still so innocent, not knowing how big and bad the world was. It made me forget about the big, bad world too.” I smile at him and rest my head on his shoulder. I don’t know what I’d do without Uncle Mitch. Live on a street, I guess? Probably? He might not be family by blood, but he sure does feel like it. I never knew anyone being with Uncle Bobby than Mitch. They were my one true pairing. I wanted someone to love me the same way they loved – and still love – each other. Their bond is unbreakable.
“Ready to go, Mitchy?” I ask when we’re both changed out of our pajama’s after dinner, ready to head to Jeremy’s garage for band practice. It’s the first time we’ll be rehearsing in his garage, but I’m excited to find out where Sunset Curve previously used to rehearse. Pre me. “Yes! I am ready to partaaaay!” I roll my eyes at him, an amused smile on my face. “Behave though? Don’t go and embarrass me on the first day meeting them, okay?” “Yes, mom.” Mitch can be such a child, but I love that about him. “Boys?” I knock on the wooden door that’s ajar. There’s some rummaging inside, but nothing else. I push it open to find all three boys inside already. Charlie’s sorting through his loose songbook papers, Jeremy is tuning his bass, and Owen just sitting on the couch, playing around with his drumsticks. “Hey! I brought my uncle; I hope you don’t mind?” “Oh, not at all!” Jeremy says, and gets up from his spot on the armchair. “Hey, I’m Jeremy,” he introduces himself with a smile, reaching his hand for my uncle to shake, which he does. My uncle has this look on his face that I recognize as his gaydar. He literally scans people to find out their sexuality. His gaydar is very accurate. “Mitch, nice to meet you.” Owen gets up next, shaking my uncle’s hand too. “I’m Owen, the drummer,” he shows the sticks in his hand. “I see,” Mitch replies with a smile, and then comes Charlie. “Hey, I’m Charlie, I’m—” he points at me, and I know what he’s going to say, but I can’t have him tell my uncle about us yet. “The lead singer!” I chime in and give him a knowing look. “Right, yeah, the lead singer,” Charlie looks kind of hurt, and it breaks my heart in two as well. Just an us-thing, for now. Then it can be an everyone-thing. I hope he understands. “Nice to meet you, guys!” Mitch then leans closer to me, “And which one of the two cute semi-straight boys is the Cutie from the Music Store?” he whispers with Charlie just a few feet away. His head turns slightly and his mouth curls upwards. He heard Mitch. “Semi-straight?” I ask for an explanation. “Jeremy is questionable.” “Right…” I trail off, still whispering, “Let’s get to work, guys,” I speak up now, so the band knows I’m talking to them. Uncle Mitch looks a little hurt at me ignoring his question, though I’m pretty sure he knows it’s Charlie. “What song first?” Charlie queries while my uncle takes a seat on the couch and we get ready. “Why don’t we let the guest choose?” Jeremy suggests, pointing at my uncle. “Me?” I nod my head, encouraging him. I’d told them all the songs we’d made or already sang together. Which are three, four if you count This Band Is Back. “I really liked Perfect Harmony when Ems showed it to me the other day.” Charlie and I exchange a glance, a shy smile plastered on his face, and I’m pretty sure mine mirrors his. He goes to grab his acoustic guitar for this one. “Perfect Harmony it is, then!” Owen says and counts us in. Where Charlie and I imagined the soft beat and melody, that’s where Owen and Jeremy come in with the drums and bass. We’d only practiced this one a couple of times before. It still has the same, electric vibe it did when Charlie and I sang it alone. I still feel the same sparks, the same tingles rushing over my body. “I feel your rhythm in my heart, yeah,” I sing without taking my eyes off of him. “You are my brightest, burning star, woah-woah” “I never knew a love so real” “So real,” he echoes. “We're heaven on earth, melody and words When we are together we're In perfect harmony Woah, woah Perfect harmony Woah, woah Perfect harmony” I glance at Uncle Mitch. He’s staring at us with so much pride and intensity. When he catches my glance, he mouths “Cutie from the Music Store”, which makes me smile like an idiot. He knows. “We say we're friends We play pretend You're more to me We create a perfect harmony” Uncle Mitch gets up off his seat, clapping and whooping like an intense fan. “My favorite song ever! So beautiful!” he shouts in between cheers. We play Now or Never, and, upon Jeremy’s request, This Band is Back before calling in a break. “I need a wee,” I say and patter towards the bathroom in the back. When I’m about to head back inside, I hear the boys playing a song I haven’t heard before. Or at least I don’t think I have. It intrigues me even more when I hear Mitch’s voice through the microphone. “Let me introduce myself We got some time to kill Consider me the pearly gates to your new favorite thrills We could go make history or you could rest in peace But here there ain't no misery Cause on the other side we live like kings” I find the boys in their regular spots, Uncle Mitch probably having told them what chord to play in or something. Either that or they’re just playing around, and Mitch’s song just matches. “Whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do? Let your body loose, let your body loose Whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do? Show you a thing or two 'Cause you ain't seen nothing” That’s when I recognize the song. It’s the one Uncle Bobby wrote for a Halloween musical at his school once. It was the villain song of the whole story and stuck in all our heads for months. I still know the words, and thus decide to sing along with my uncle, much to the boys’ surprise. “Life is good on the other side of Hollywood Life is good on the other side of Hollywood So welcome to the brotherhood Where you won't be misunderstood Life is good on the other side of Hollywood” I get behind the keyboard and play a couple of notes, leaving the verse for my uncle. “Everything has got a price but happiness is free Just so happens, you're in luck We've got a vacancy We can set the night on fire and break out of the scene Your soul print on the walk of fame On the boulevard of your wildest dreams” I now grab a mic too, properly wanting to join in now. “Whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do boys? Let your body loose, let your body loose Whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do boys? It ain't bragging if it's true Now you ain't seen nothing” I walk up to Jeremy whilst I sing along to the chorus and Jeremy’s shredding the bass. “Life is good on the other side of Hollywood Life is good on the other side of Hollywood” I walk over to the drumkit and jam out for a moment with Owen. “So welcome to the brotherhood Where you won't be misunderstood Life is good on the other side of Hollywood” I then move to Charlie while my uncle gets to the bridge. The boys stop playing and clap along with me. “The rain don't blind the rising souls They got too much to see I got your glamour, got your gold Got all you'll ever need Let me hear you now!” The boys have somehow remembered the lyrics my uncle just sang, and sing them with me now. “The rain don't blind the rising souls They got too much to see” “Yeah,” Mitch goes for a high note, chilling my spine. “I got your glamour, got your gold Got all you'll ever need,” the four of us continue. “Yeah,” Another high note from Mitch. The boys now pick up their instruments again. “I said watch me make a move, watch me make a move boys” “Whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do?” the boys and I echo. “I said watch me make a move, no, I don't disappoint” “Whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do?” “Watch me make a move I'm ya number one choice” “Whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do?” “Watch me make a move Come one and give me that noise” The boys take a break. “A tomb with a view Ain't it something?” And pick it back up with a bit of bass before all three of them join in again, and even join me into singing the backing vocals for my uncle. “Life is good on the other side of Hollywood Life is good on the other side of Hollywood So welcome to the brotherhood Where you won't be misunderstood Life is good on the other side of Hollywood So welcome to the brotherhood Where you won't be misunderstood Life is good on the other side of Hollywood” Charlie and Jeremy stop playing and leave Owen a little drum solo.
“Ain't it the best? Long live the dead!” Mitch shouts out dramatically, and then Owen goes off again on his drums. “I thought your Uncle Robert was the musically talented one?” Charlie asks with an impressed smile on his face. “How do you think we met? It was musical night in our favorite bar, and we sang a song together. That first scene in High School Musical?” The boys nod, knowing what he’s talking about, “It’s based on our story… Just straight.” The boys laugh light-heartedly at his story. “That’s not true,” I whisper, making them laugh even more. “That was a fun song though! How did you know it?” Jeremy asks me. “Uncle Bobby wrote it. He is – was – the music teacher at this high school and he wanted a cool villain song for the villain in his Halloween musical, so he wrote himself one. The song used to be stuck in our heads for months on end. It surprised me I still knew it.” “The boys were playing around with their instruments and it reminded me of Bobby’s song,” Mitch tells me, “I couldn’t help but chime in and start singing.” He wraps an arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer to him. “It’s such a tune,” I say with a smile, “I think Bobby would’ve liked us singing it together.” “I think so too,” says Mitch and he presses a kiss to my hair. “Let’s get home now, yeah? Give your boyfriend a kiss and we’re off.” Charlie and I freeze, neither of us expecting Uncle Mitch to know about this since I never told him. “Oh, come on. You could not sing Perfect Harmony without staring at each other like that heart eyes emoji-thingy. I don’t only have amazing gaydar, I also have amazing love-dar.” He winks at me as I shake my head in disbelieve, but I can’t help the smile either. My uncle knows me well. “See you tomorrow, guys,” I say with the most awkward wave. I mean, I’m not going to kiss Charlie in front of my uncle. Especially when he specifically told me to do so. That’s just weird. Uncle Mitch gives me a look, which I shoot back. He then rolls his eyes. “I’ll meet you outside. Say goodbye properly.” He leaves the garage, and then it’s the four of us. Neither Charlie nor I move, still unsure of the public displays of affection in front of the boys. “Seriously?” Jeremy groans before leaving the garage with Owen. They’ll be able to entertain my uncle for a while. I don’t even know why it’s so hard for me to show PDA. It never used to be this way with Jake. But maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe us taking it slowly and not showing us off too much is healthy for us. “I’ll see you at the store tomorrow?” I ask whilst the two of us slowly walk up to each other, inching closer and closer by the second. “Definitely,” he replies with a smile. Once we’re inches away, he grabs my hands in his. “Isn’t your uncle going to be annoyed you didn’t tell him sooner?” I shrug. “I don’t think so. He knows how private I am about relationships. And besides, you heard him, he’s got amazing love-dar.” Charlie’s laughter intertwines with mine. “I think he knew before today already too. He’s all-knowing.” “As long as he doesn’t know about our sneaky dates on your balcony, I think we might be fine.” I chuckle at that comment, and then both of us fall silent. “He probably knows this’ll happen though.” The words come out just above a whisper as he inches closer and dips down. His lips meet mine in a sweet, somewhat long-lasting kiss. “I’m pretty sure they’re eavesdropping, though,” I say when we pull away. “No, we’re not!” Jeremy shouts from the other side of the door. “Yeah, definitely,” says Charlie, and he lets go of one hand, intertwining the fingers of his other hand with the one he’s still holding. He leads me out the door and then lets go of that hand too. “She’s all yours, Mitch,” he tells my uncle, and reaches out the hand he’d just held mine with for a handshake. “Hey!” I shout, “I’m no property!” Both Charlie and Mitch raise their hands in defense. “Yes, girl! Tell ‘em!” Owen preaches, holding his hand up and I slap mine on it in a high five. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow.” I kiss Charlie’s cheek quickly and then leave the boys with Uncle Mitch. “They’re really nice boys, Muffin. I’m glad you’ve found them.” I smile at that. “Me too, Mitchy, me too.”
Taglist: @parkeret​​ @lukeys-giggle​ @hannahhistorian92​ @gingerxarmy​ @marinettepotterandplagg​ @lovesanimals​ @thequirkybookaholic​ @calamitykaty​ Lemme know if you want to be on my taglist for this story/any of my other works!
58 notes · View notes
miss-choco-chips · 4 years
Text
From Baby to Babe~
I once wrote this  https://miss-choco-chips.tumblr.com/post/190983954737/theres-a-point-in-all-the-rouges-gallerys-lives and @theturdis wanted a fic about it, so... Just remember, you asked for this hon. This ain’t my fault.
Tagging @animemangasoul who just told me to tag them the next time I wrote something. 
Fair warning everyone, I somehow did this in one sitting, and, I can’t stress this enough, there’s no edit whatsoever. Like, none. Enjoy, if you can ignore the eyesore of my multiple mistakes.
----.----
Bruce despairs in the knowledge of his sons growing up hot.
---.---
When Dick came back to Gotham as the new Nightwing for the first time ever… well. 
Bruce didn't like to think about the first suit, back then. All those feathers and glitter, the plunging V neck, the mullet… His son had insisted on it being the trend at the time. Bruce just couldn't grasp how was he supposed to blend into the night and take anyone by surprise. There was too much... everything, and not nearly enough stealth.
He was an innocent man, back then. He looked at a horse gift in the mouth and was completely blindsided when it raised on it’s hind legs and kicked him where it hurted.
When Selina approached him a few weeks after N had come to him with the blueprints of his new suit, he had been quiet relaxed. Or as relaxed as one can be when crouched like a gargoyle and looking over the city. He was just getting back on track after… Jason (it still hurted, and probably always would, to think about him), his new partner helping in ways he couldn’t foresee, violence tampered by Tim’s brilliant smile every time he came to Bruce with the answer to a particularly difficult riddle he had been having trouble with. He had to get his act together, because Tim was so bright, mind so beyond what Bruce could ever aspire to, and he was at such an impressionable age… If Batman allowed himself to fall deeper into despair, he would set a dangerously bad example to the kid, which could be really damaging… to the world at large. He was the kind of kid that B wanted on the side of Justice, because the opposite would be quite catastrophic.
So yes, he had been very distracted lately, merely glancing over Dick’s blueprints, noticing the lack of brilliantine and gold, and giving his wholehearted approval. 
Stupid, innocent man he was. He had needed Catwoman of all people to open his eyes.
(To this day, he still wondered about Alfred’s reason for not warning him sooner. Perhaps, and this was the theory he had running, the old butler had been just so delighted at seeing the Disco suit gone, he would approve almost everything in its place, and Dick’s virtue had never been his responsibility to preserve, so to hell with it.
Betrayal always hurted the worse when it came from those closest to you)
-Hey handsome.
-Cat.
She rolled her eyes, already beyond his brood, and just walked out of the light, joining him into the shadows with a sigh at his dramatics. 
-No theft today?
The woman grimaced a bit, letting herself fall at his side with as much grace as she did everything else. Diamond claws scratched at her scalp, carefully not tearing the frail skin, and Batman finally conceded and turned his head to look at her directly. She was never so hesitant.
-Look. I really, really don’t want to be the one telling you this. I would literally rather leave this to anyone else, but… it’s getting out of hand.
-What is it?
-Nightwing. Hadn’t you noticed anything about him?
That got whatever rest of his attention she hadn’t already caught. Speaking of his sons always had that effect on him.
-What happened to him?
-Nothing, just… He’s been out a lot, hasn’t he? I thought he didn’t operate in the city as much…
She was stalling, which was worryingly out of character for Selina. But since this was about Nightwing, he had to be patient and let her talk her way into whatever information she was going to lay on him.
-I’ve been… -training a new Robin, not that he could tell her that- busy, lately. He’s picking up the slack while I’m focusing on it -a.k.a helping him both patrol the streets and teach Tim. 
-I noticed the changes, yes, whatever therapy you’re doing is great for you -she encouraged, more honest than he thought her capable of. He could already see her deadpan when she figured out the reason for his change, his ‘therapy’ as she put it, was an eleven year old thrusting himself at this dangerous life of his.
-Hm.
-Well… Anything noteworthy about him lately? Crime Fighting related?
Since she was stressing the words so much, he gave them deep thought.
-He has been on a streak lately. A lot more arrests… What’s your point?
He could almost see the second she internally said ‘fuck it’ and just blurted everything out.
-That’s because his new suit is, and this is coming from me, B, indecent, and every criminal out there is focusing more on his ass than his punches and flips so he’s kicking ass easier.
Bruce kicked his way to the forefront of his mind, the father in him hip checking the vigilante out of the way so he could properly freak out.
What? He knew the suit was a lot more tight than the former one, but he’d been so relieved at it being mostly black he hadn’t given more than a cursory look… and he barely saw the man in it, often training together in workout clothes and coming and going to patrol at different times. He… wasn’t prepared for this.
-Excuse me?
-I’m sorry, someone had to tell you. Normally, I’d be completely on board with a suit change from boring to daring, and you know of my good relationship with leather, but I’ve literally seen that kid grow up. If I have to listen to Harley talking about Nightwing’s ass one more time, Ivy won’t need to worry any more about the Joker killing her, because I will do it myself.
He wanted to thank her for standing up for his son, but he was still busy internally screaming.
-You want to hear Riddle’s last work? While looking directly at N, he asked ‘is buttcheeks one word? Or should I spread them?’. And then he winked. Winked, B. At your eighteen year old kid. You need to get your ass on gear and make sure Nighting changes his. I mean, I’m getting used to it, but you’ve been doing great lately, violent wise, and I’d hate for you to relapse because you heard Zsaasz asking N to tie his ropes tighter and harder.
B… needed to go back to the cave and call N back early. They had to talk.
----.----
When Jason came back, the first thing to break past the ‘holy shit my son is alive’ wall surrounding his brain was just how tall he had grown. How strong, how broad, how big. The little boy he had picked up from the street, underfeed and hurting everywhere, had turned out almost bigger than B himself and twice as brave. The wave of pride he felt was massive, but the feeling was short lived. 
Jason was killing criminals, had even attempted to murder Tim. Even if the father in him could, in his desperation, try and overlook the first bit, the same side couldn’t get past the second. Tim was as much his as Jason, and he couldn't turn a blind eye to it.
The relief of him being back that overflowed from Bruce clashed horribly with Batman’s unbending morals, and the two sides warred for days for control. The attack on his youngest son had been the deciding factor in who finally won; Bruce couldn’t fight the darkness in him when he needed it to help protect Robin from his predecessor, as much as it pained him.
Theirs was a long road, a difficult path to come back together as a family after so many mistakes on both parts (more his than Jason’s, he knew, but admitting so was so hard…), but they had finally, finally came back together. All his children, sitting around the dinning table at the manor, throwing food at each other behind Alfred’s back, Dick failing to give Jason a noogie, Tim succeeding in elbowing his way past both of them to claim first picks over the brownies, Damian rolling his eyes while sneakily drawing in his notebook what B suspected was a portrait of the three of them, Cass and Steph laughing at their antics… His heart felt like it could give out.
Again, his mind was anywhere but in… that. Already used to the dirty looks aimed at Nighting, he focused his anger into strength behind every punch, taking care to kick specially hard when aiming at the criminal’s genitals as light punishment for the lust they aimed at his oldest, but not longer trying to essentially castrate them.
He had the hang of it, and it was just one child. He could do damage control with one, it wasn’t that hard. Stephanie wasn’t really his, just under his protection as a mentor, and even then, she was mostly Barbara’s; Cass could and would take care of anyone who dared look at her in a way she didn’t like, so she was also good. Seventeen year old Tim and thirteen year old Damian were babies, so they wouldn't be an issue for a long, long time.
And then. And then, Steph had opened her mouth.
-Why can’t Tim do this? -she had whined, raising the heels to eye level and studying them with profound distaste- I hate fighting on these. He’s much better than me at that anyway, and he makes a hotter chick than I when he goes full out on his undercover gig.
Red Robin, who was walking past her on his way to the training mats, high fived her.
Barbara’s voice came from the Batcomputer, Oracle’s voice filter not needed while they still were on the Cave.
-Because he and Jason can’t act like a couple for more than two hours before one of them breaks into hives or laughter, and this is an all night long gig. 
-Then why can’t Tim and Dick go? You just need a girl as pretty arm candy distaction, the guy is the one who’s gonna do the work, and Nightwing can take care of a few drug dealers himself.
-While Dick is certainly pretty enough to gain permission to enter this very private party -the man, stretching with Tim, stopped mid motion to give the computer finger guns. Barbara coughed to cover a laugh and kept going-, the goal is for him to be invited into the boss’s personal office, and we can only do that if he’s interested in what he sees. From what Tim gathered for me on his last recon, he favours… Jason’s body types more than Dick’s.
Bruce, who was just getting out of the locker room, suit fully in place except from the cowl, raised an eyebrow at that, stopping to analyze his second oldest. Tilting his head, and still as confused, he asked what would undoubtedly bring him an unhealthy amount of regret in the very near future.
-What does that mean? Jason’s...body type? You mean tall? Dick is also pretty tall.
There was total silence in the cave for a few moments. Dick and Tim got up from their positions, shared a look, and made a run for the showers, claiming they were ready for patrol (they weren’t, not warmed up enough, but he had other things to focus on now). Damian, already fully suited, tutted and dragged the hood of his cape over his face, almost completely covering it. Cass looked on impassively, and Stephanie seemed to be getting a worryingly amount of glee from whatever this was.
Jason himself was… blushing? What?
-Who’s gonna tell him? -finally asked Barbara, amusement breaking her professional facade.
-Oh, me, me! Let me do this!
Apparently still a naive man, he nodded at the blonde, ready for someone to clear this up for him.
He was regaled with a half an hour long rant about biceps, pecs, and thighs that could compete against tree trunks and win. It was supported by apparent citations from different criminals that ranged from appreciative to full on scandalous.
In the end, everyone left the cave, Batgirl with a notorious spring on her step, and Bruce had to stay home instead of going out, needing the night to fully process about his second son, almost twenty one but twelve in his mind’s eye, apparently featuring in multiple Arkham calendars. 
He came out of that realization a scarred man, to say the least.
-----.-----
It was barely a few months after his traumatic chat with Stephanie when it happened again. He’d like to say he was ready for this.
He wasn’t.
When Conner Kent found him, he was completely focused on his WE’s work. For once on the office, with the TV providing some white noise in the background, he was fully prepared for a day catching up. He couldn’t keep letting Tim take over most of the work, the kid deserved to have a normal (or as normal as any of them could achieve) teenage life.
He was of course notified the moment the meta breached the city’s limits, but figured he was here on Titan’s business or hanging out with Tim. The light knock on his office window was a big surprise.
-This is unexpected, Conner. What can I do for you? -he greeted after letting him in- Tim isn’t here today, he’s giving a press conference.
-Yeah, I know. I’m actually here for you. We, the team, heard from Tim you’re making the blueprints for his next suit.
This conversation was already going in a very confusing way. Why did they care about Tim’s gear?
-Yes?
-Well, you need to double check with us before you show anything to him -something akin to indignant surprise must have shown in his face, because the meta quickly raised both hands-. We don’t mean that as you needing our approval, of course you’d know better how to keep a non-meta well protected. We know jackshit about kevlar and armor. But it’s the… style, that has us worried.
He let the anger bleed out of him, replaced with puzzlement.
-What do you mean?
Conner looked down, as if gathering strength, then up and straight into Bruce’s eyes, a feat very few younger heroes could achieve. This was serious.
-Tim isn’t big like Jason, or as… stretchy as Dick, but he has… very, very attractive features. I won’t go into detail with you about how thin his waist is, how shapely his legs or cute his ass. That’s not something I need to say or you to hear.
Yes, it definitely wasn’t. Bruce was having an inkling as to where this was headed, and he didn’t like it. Tim was a baby! Barely eighteen and so damn small!
-But I do need to tell you, his ugly ass suits have been good at keeping that all on the downlow. We made fun of him for them, sure, but never encouraged him to change, because we know what will happen if he does. It would be awful. You think Nightwing and Red Hood have it rough? Tim has Ra’s Al Ghul’s undivided attention and appreciation. If we add attraction to it? Mayhem. Absolute mayhem. We can barely keep him from being kidnapped by older, nasty villains as it is. We don’t need the extra work, sir. I’m begging you on behalf of the team, don’t let him get anything that would look good on him. Like that Untranet suit he told me about, for example. That one would be so bad. Or the Red Robin one with tighter pants and a domino under the cowl so he can take it out and flash the world his luscious hair. 
Bruce fell back into his desk chair. Elbows resting on the table, he buried his face into his hands.
A long silence filled the room.
-You already approved and made one of those, right?
A small, shaky nod.
-...The Ultranet one?
A firm shake. 
-Fuck me. The Red Robin with tighter pants and domino?
Another nod. Conner sat abruptly on the empty chair in the other side of the desk, like a puppet with its strings cut.
-Well, fuck. 
Fuck indeed. 
Bruce despaired.
----.----
This time, he would be ready. He swore it on his honor, on his oath, on his parents.
So when Damian turned sixteen, growth spurt kicking in (he towed over Tim, and it wouldn’t be long until he left Dick in the dust as well), he made a thought but necessary call.
He phoned Talia.
-We need to talk. About Damian, and… sex appeal.
Her shock was evident even through the phone.
-Excuse me? My son is a child. He has no such thing.
He closed his eyes. Once, a long time ago, he’d been just as naive. Now he knew better. 
It was a hard lesson to learn, but she needed to. And quickly. Damian was growing faster than his other children. Time was of essence.
-Let me tell you what I wish I knew years ago, when Dick decided to change his Nightwing suit.
She was probably going to hate him for opening her eyes like this, but Bruce just couldn't do this alone. 
He could deal with Talia’s hate, but criminals lusting after his baby son? Hell no. He might actually go rouge.
369 notes · View notes
twomoonstwosuns · 4 years
Text
valentine’s day.
back to you [series masterlist]
previous part · next part
pairing: professor!poe dameron x reader
warnings: swearing, pure sweet cheesy af fluff for literally the entire thing
word count: 4.8k lol oops
a/n: eee, here it is! i really hope this lives up to expectations because i really agonized over trying to make this perfect. feedback would be so greatly appreciated.
also shout-out to @myrandom-fandomlife for giving me the help to kickstart my brain and get this written <3
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
You felt lighter than you had in weeks.
The semester was going well. Graduation was just a few months away. Your sister Tallie announced she was pregnant, her baby coming in the fall. The only thing that had the potential to turn your mood was Poe, but even that had been going well.
You talked more. You hadn’t been over to his place since he bent you over his table the previous week, but you were talking to him nearly everyday. You texted often and stayed up way too late talking to him. You were enjoying it, but you knew you had to be cautious as you fell deeper into attachment.
With Valentine’s Day just a few days away, you began to wonder if you’d be spending it with Poe. You weren’t together, much to your chagrin for fear of putting your heart on the line and being turned down, but people had sex on Valentine’s Day. Maybe you’d at least get that. You tried not to dwell on it too much, but Poe made it increasingly difficult to not think about it…or him. He had spent the majority of the day sending you the most ridiculous pick-up lines, having heard one that morning at his favorite coffee shop that made him cringe with how bad it was. Whether it was a joke or not, he didn’t know, but he found the most ridiculous ones on the Internet and sent them to you, if anything just to brighten your day and make you laugh.
You had just dropped a book off at the library and were heading towards the university center to meet up with your roommates when a car flashed its brights at you. You stopped when they did it again and it took you a minute to realize it was Poe’s car. You made your way over, hearing the soft whir of his window going down.
“Hey, what’re you doing here?” you asked as you leaned in, the warmth from the car’s heater fanning your face. “I thought you had that mixer thing tonight?”
“I’m on my way, I just had to grab something from my office. Then I saw you and just wanted to say hi.”
You could just see him, the cover of darkness providing the perfect shield for your meeting. The smell of his cologne filled the car and you realized it was different but just as distinctive than the one he wore everyday. You narrowed your eyes when you noticed the tension in his shoulders.
“You don’t want to go, do you?”
“Not really.” He admitted with a humorless laugh.
“Could you skip it? I can’t imagine sucking up to department heads is very fun.”
“It’s not, and as much as I want to, I can’t. Snoke’s retiring and they’re looking to find his replacement before the fall semester. There are a lot of people that will be there that I have to impress if I want to be considered.”
“Do you want to be considered?”
Poe nodded, the knot of nerves in his stomach tightening. “It’s just a rumor right now, but word is that President Organa’s already got a small list of people she’s considering to replace him and I’m on it.”
You gaped, a smile forming on your face.
“Poe, that’s amazing. They’d be stupid not to pick you.” You placed your hand on this shoulder. “You have to get going and I have a move to catch, so neither of us have time to listen to me tell you all the reasons why you’d be the best option, but just know you are. And although I may be a little biased, I’m also usually right.”
Poe smiled appreciatively, the support making him feel a little more ready. Of course he’d talked to his dad and his close friends about it, receiving the same encouragement, but it meant so much coming from you.
“So, what’d you think of the pick-up lines I sent you?” He asked, changing the subject. You giggled.
“I thought they were great but my roommates think you can do better, so we spent an hour after class googling pick-up lines,” you explained, making Poe chuckle warmly. “I’m definitely going to blame you for not getting anything done the rest of the week.”
“That’s what I’m here for.”
“I did actually like some of them. They were cheesy as hell, but some of them were pretty cute. And the dirty ones were good too.”
“I have one more if you want to hear it.” You nodded enthusiastically. “Do you have any raisins?”
“Did you just say raisins?” you asked incredulously. Poe gave you a pointed look that told you to just answer the question. “Ok fine, um…no?”
“Then how ‘bout a date?”
You threw your head back and barked out a laugh. “That’s a good one. Very smooth.”
“Y/N?”
“Yes?”
“How about a date? Saturday night?”
You froze, unsure if you heard him right, but the way he was observing you with hope told you that you heard every word correct. You couldn’t help the smile that grew bigger with each second you took to process Poe’s words.
“Yes.”
“Yes?”
“Yes, I’ll go on a date with you.” you repeated with a grin, your smile disappearing when you felt your phone buzzing incessantly in your pocket. With five minutes until the movie started, you knew it was your roommates wondering where you were. You glanced at the clock. “I have to get going and so do you. Try not to die of boredom.”
“I’ll text you.”
“You better.”
You took two steps away from Poe’s car when you decided to turn back. You knocked on the window, giving Poe an apologetic smile when he jumped in surprise. The window rolled down once again and you leaned in to press a gentle kiss on his cheek.
“I can’t wait,” you said softly, taking a few steps back as your cheeks heated up. The way he was smiling at you was turning your insides to mush. “Good luck tonight.”
Poe’s soft gaze stayed on you until he couldn’t see you anymore. If he had room to punch in the air in victory, he would have. Meanwhile, you felt like you were sixteen again, like the boy you had a crush on for months asked you to the big dance. The smile stayed on your face for the entire movie, while the one on Poe’s face lingered for throughout the party.
》 》 》
Dress warm. I’ll pick you up at 8.
Nervous was an understatement. You paced in the lobby of your apartment building, your hands practically sweating through your gloves.
If this date didn’t go well, that would be it for the two of you.
“Stop psyching yourself out,” Jessika had told you just moments before. “You guys already have this amazing connection, it’s gonna take something short of admitting to a murder for this not to go well.”
She was right, of course, but this wasn’t just any guy. This was Poe, someone you’d come to care for greatly in the last few months.
It had to go well.
Poe pulled up at exactly 8 o’clock and you snuck into his car, speeding off before anyone could see, like an undercover mission. “So, where are we going?”
“You’ll see. It’s not too far from here.”
You narrowed your eyes and studied Poe, looking for any clues in his facial expression that could somehow spill where you were going. He kept his face neutral, a small hint of a smile on his face. “Mysterious. Ok. How’d the mixer go the other night?”
“Good. Not to sound conceited but I think President Organa likes me.”
“Of course she does.”
Poe winked and you rolled your eyes with an amused smirk on your face. The soft music in the car filled the silence, neither of you quite knowing what to say. You wrung your hands in your lap as nervous butterflies flapped around in your stomach.
“You seem nervous.” Poe said, his hand coming off of the steering wheel and covering yours in comfort. You immediately stopped fidgeting.
“Is it weird that I am?” You asked.
“No. I am too.”
Your confession gave him a boost of confidence. He felt he had gone the extra mile to make this night special, to show his true intentions of what he wanted out of this. He hoped you’d see it and want it as much as he did. Knowing you were just as nervous as he was showed you cared about this going well just as much as he did.
He pulled his hand away to steer his car into a parking spot. His was the only car in the lot, not that it was surprising. Cold and dark winter nights didn’t exactly bring a lot of people out to wander around a park for fun. Poe opened his door, but your hand on his arm stopped him. “I’m nervous, but I’m really happy we’re doing this.”
He gave you an easy half smile, the one that made him so effortlessly striking.
“Me too,” he said, covering your hand with his. “Come on.”
You got out of his car and finally realized you were at Canto Park. It was unrecognizable at first due to the darkness of the night and the lack of people, but you recognized the streetlights that lit up the walkways when you got a closer look. Poe handed something to you and it took a minute in the dark to see that they were a pair of skates.
“We’re skating?” you asked in surprise, completely caught off-guard. You were expecting dinner and a movie at his apartment, the options for doing anything together extremely limited. “This is not going to end well, just so you know.”
“You’ll be fine,” Poe assured you. “Have you ever rollerbladed?”
“When I was like thirteen.”
“Then this’ll be fun. I’ll help you.” You couldn’t help but become a little anxious. The chance of you making a fool out of yourself was very high.
The park was eerily quiet but peaceful, the only sound crunching underneath your feet. The man-made ice rink was lit up with bright lights that nearly blinded you with its sharp contrast to the inky black sky.
“I don’t think we’re supposed to be here,” you said with a smirk as you sat down on the bench next to the ice rink. “I’m pretty sure the park closes when it gets dark.”
“Better be prepared to run if we get caught then.”
“I’m flattered you think I’ll be able to skate, let alone run in skates.”
Poe finished tying up his skates and as you tied up your left one, he scooted closer to you and brought your right foot into his lap.
“What’re you doing?” you asked.
“Making sure you tied them right,” he winked. You gave him a dry, sarcastic laugh as he grabbed the foot you had just finished with. With his seal of approval, Poe helped you up and over to the ice. You gripped the wall until you were sure you had your balance. Like riding a bike, the familiar movement of gliding came back, although you wobbled like a newborn colt with fresh legs because it had been nearly ten years since you did anything like this. Poe did a lap around the rink as you glared at him.
“Show-off!” you called after him, hearing him laugh from the other side of the rink. “Let me guess, you played hockey?”
“Only for fun.” Poe answered, slowing down as he approached you. “I was more into music than sports in high school. I was in a band, though.”
“College professor by day, rock star by night? It’s like modern day Indiana Jones. What kind of music did you play?”
Poe smirked at the reference. “Rock, pop, alternative, whatever you want to call it. We called ourselves The Resistance. It’s how I met my friends Finn and Rey. Still best friends to this day.”
“Do you guys still play?”
“Individually maybe, but together no, we left that back in high school. We had a demo of songs that somehow got into the hands of someone over at Skywalker Records, but we weren’t interested.”
“You didn’t want to be a rock star?”
“Sure I did, but I had other things I wanted to do more. Finn and Rey did too.”
“The Air Force?” Poe gave you a curious look. “The tattoo on your back. I recognize the symbol.”
“My dad was in the Air Force. I got the tattoo for him. I almost enrolled right out of high school, but then my dad got sick.” You gave him a sympathetic look. “He’s fine now, but instead of enlisting I went to college and I worked to be able to stay home and help him out.”
“You guys are close.” You observed.
“Very.” He wanted to tell you why, but didn’t want to bring the mood down anymore with the story of his mother. “What about you? Sports, music?”
You told him how you played soccer as a kid through an amateur league in your hometown. You played up until high school, making the varsity team your freshman year but taken out of the game indefinitely during your first game from a severe knee injury. You told him while you loved music, you participated in choir during high school not because you could sing, but so you could hang out with your friends.
While the conversation was entertaining, you stumbling around on the ice was not.  Poe thought it was though, as he tried walking you through it step by step, giving you tips on how to keep your balance by focusing on one spot in the distance and not moving your eyes from it. Of course your mind chose Poe to focus on, but every little movement he made, especially when he was close to you, grabbed your attention, which made you unable to concentrate. You were having fun even though you were slightly embarrassed about your lack of coordination. You’d miraculously had not fallen, but you bumped into the wall and crashed into it whenever you had to stop yourself.
“Ok, new idea. Let’s try one more thing.” Poe said, turning so he was facing you. He grabbed your hands to make sure you were steady before moving backwards, pulling you with him. “Don’t look down, eyes on me. Now talk about something.”
“Like what?” You were finding it extremely difficult to focus on anything at all except your hands in Poe’s and the impending doom of rolling your ankle at any second.  
“Anything.” He said, turning so he was facing you and skating backwards. “Tell me something not a lot of people know.”
You hummed as you thought about his question. “I seriously considered going to school for photography.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“Same reason you’re not a famous musician. I had other dreams and it’s a hard industry to make a career in. It’s probably better as a hobby anyway, I can’t get mad when something doesn’t go right because I’m not under any obligation to be successful.”
“What do you photograph?”
“Anything. I’ve done some senior pictures over the past few summers when I’ve been home. I’ve done some engagement photos, pregnancy announcements. I like to think I’m really good at those black and white hipster photographs of nature and stuff.”
“You’ll have to show me sometime.”
“I always keep my portfolio with me, just in case. I’ll bring it by next time.”
Next time.The promise of a second date. Poe smiled down at you and then looked over your shoulder with a soft chuckle.
“What?” You followed his gaze and your jaw dropped. You had skated from one end of the rink to the other without almost falling.  “Oh my god, I made it!” You laughed happily. Poe smiled at your excitement.
“I told you you’d be fine.”
You were practically bouncing in excitement. You pushed forward, gaining speed and catching up with Poe when you suddenly fell onto your butt when your skate hit a loose chunk of ice.
“Damn it, I was doing so well!”  You exclaimed, holding your arms out in front of you. “Help me up?”
Poe pulled you up with ease, gripping your forearms when you nearly slipped again.
“You good?”
You nodded with breathless laugh, your eyes meeting his. The sudden urge to kiss him consumed you and you glanced down at his lips. Poe did the same, the air surrounding you standing so close becoming thick. Your feet suddenly came out from underneath you and you ended up on the ice with a hard thump. Poe laughed loudly and you couldn’t help but laugh with him at your clumsiness.
“Ok, I think that’s enough skating for you.” Poe said, holding out his hand. You lay back onto the ice with your eyes closed, arms out on either side of you in defeat.
“Nope, I’m done, not moving. I’ll die here.”
Poe grabbed your arms, hauling you up before crouching down to the ice, urging you to get on his back. “Come on, I’ll give you a ride back.”
You hesitated a second before wrapping your arms around his neck. He gripped the back of your thighs tightly as he picked up speed, taking a quick detour to do a lap before taking you back to the bench. You squealed in delight at his sudden burst of speed, the wind whipping your hair. You held on tightly, not letting go until you were being lowered onto the bench. Before you could start unlacing your skates, Poe was doing it for you, being gentle as he slid the skates off in case you hurt your ankle.
“If photography doesn’t work out, I don’t recommend skating as a back-up plan.” Poe teased, and you shoved his chest playfully as you grabbed your boots. You handed Poe his and then the skates, but he pushed them back towards you. “Keep them for next time.”
“You’re going to make me do that again?!”
Poe took your hand and you walked back towards his car, both taking it slow as your legs were exhausted.
“You’ll be a pro by the time I’m done with you.”
You sincerely doubted that, but didn’t want to tell Poe it’d be useless after seeing him so excited to try and teach you. It’s not like you wouldn’t mind trying again if it meant spending more time with Poe.
From relearning how to skate to the conversation, time had flown by and it was nearing ten o’clock. As he drove, you couldn’t help but hope your date wasn’t over despite it getting late. When he took the familiar route to his apartment, you were ecstatic.
He led you inside, itching to grab your hand but knowing there were too many possibilities of someone seeing it. Whether or not they went to school or knew he was a professor and you a student, the night was going too well to risk it. When Poe unlocked his apartment door, your jaw dropped.
The lights to inside were dimmed. A bouquet of roses sat in the middle of the wooden table that had been used not so innocently just last week, with a bottle of wine and two glasses. You scoffed in disbelief as he led you in.
“Wow,” you breathed, still taken aback. “Is this what you did all day?”
“Yeah. I cooked too, if you’re hungry. It just needs to be warmed up.”
You were speechless. Poe had really gone all out. You were secretly happy he had been the one to ask you out and not the other way around, as there was no way you could’ve come up with something to rival what he came up with in a few days. While he dealt with the food, you begged him for something to do to help him out. He insisted he had it but had you open up the bottle of wine.
“Where’s Beebs tonight?” you asked as you twisted the wine opener into the cork, looking around the apartment and not seeing him or any of his toys lying around.
“He’s at a friend’s house.” You glanced up at Poe, giving him a weird look. “No seriously, he’s down the hall at my neighbor Mr. Frick’s. He has a dog named Zorii that Beebs likes to play with. He lives alone, so I think he likes having two dogs to keep him company.”
“Have you done that every time I’ve come over?”
“Sometimes. Other times I usually put him in the guest room when people are here. I love him to death, but he’s nosy. He just gets so excited when people are over and not all of them like him jumping up on them. Not to mention I didn’t want him worried about the noises you were making.”
You understood, having had a dog growing up that had to be kept in a room when you had birthday parties and sleepovers. You were also surprised at how hyper-focused you must’ve been to get Poe naked that you didn’t realize that Beebs hadn’t really been around whenever you were there. You made a mental note to pick up something special for Beebs for being so tolerant of you and Poe’s frequent activities.
You handed Poe a glass, gently clinking yours against his before taking a sip. You noticed he had also lit some candles, adding to the romantic ambiance of his apartment.
“I keep meaning to ask you,” you said as you walked over to a cabinet that held a record player that had caught your eye many times before. “Does this work or is it just for show?”
You waited for an answer, but instead Poe walked over to you, reaching over your shoulder to grab a record. He practically boxed you in, the close proximity of him brushing up against you making you buzz excitedly. He grabbed a record and soon enough the slow strums of an acoustic guitar filled his apartment. Between the flickering candles and the smell of delicious food was filling the apartment, you were in awe.
“Dance with me?”
You set your wine glass down, your heart thundering in your chest. You knew Poe was sweet, but this was turning into the kind of date you thought only existed in movies. You were absolutely swooning and it was only the first date. You’d never been romanced this hard by anyone you dated. You took his outstretched hand and he pulled you into him. The position was familiar, you’d been in this exact stance with him many times, but his touch was soft, not lustful, like he was holding something truly precious. His hand was on your waist, the other holding your hand between your chests, holding you close. Any chill that lingered from your outdoor adventure was long gone. You were warm with adoration.
“What’re you thinking about?” Poe asked softly, bringing your attention back to him.
“The music, the candles, the dancing…it’s all so romantic.”
“Is that such a bad thing?”
“Not at all.” You swallowed, suddenly feeling nervous again. “I just really thought I missed my chance for this.”
Poe pulled back just enough to give you a questioning look.  
“I wanted to ask you out last weekwhen you told me about your date,” you confessed, and Poe felt his chest tighten with a little bit of guilt. It read on his face and you shook your head. “Don’t. I should’ve told you not to go, or to go out with me instead, but I chickened out. My feelings have been all over the place the last few weeks and after that night I cried on your couch…”
“Yeah, me too.” He didn’t need to elaborate. You knew he felt the dynamic change that night as well. “Since we’re being honest, I only agreed to that date to try and forget how much I was thinking about you. This whole arrangement we have—“
“Not really working for me anymore,” you interrupted, Poe nodding his head in agreement. “But this? This is what I want. Even if I come out of this with a bruised ass.”
“I could say something about bruises on your ass, but we’re having a nice moment.”
Your shoulders shook with quiet laughter, your head dropping down onto Poe’s chest. He hugged you to him once again, his cheek resting against your head.
“Did you have fun tonight?” Poe asked, his tone suddenly unsure. You looked up at him concernedly. “Even though you fell a bunch of times?”
You went to answer him, but he kept talking.
“I know we don’t have a lot of options for dates because we’re technically not allowed to date, but—“
You put your free hand on his cheek, silencing him and bringing his attention down to you.
“This was the best first date I’ve ever been on,” you assured him and he smiled softly as your thumbs gently ran over his cheeks. “And it’s ok if we don’t have options. We’ll make it work. I just want to be with you.”
Poe let go of your hand, allowing his to fall at your waist. His eyes searched yours, brown eyes sparkling with warmth from the candles looking for any hint that you didn’t mean it. He found none and you stood up on your tiptoes, guiding yourself to him with the hand on his cheek, meeting his lips at the same time as he met yours.
He’d never kissed you like this before. Your lips molded together perfectly, already familiar with one another, but it was soft and light with nothing behind it except being in the moment. It took your breath away. You pulled away at the same time and it took you a minute for you to open your eyes.
The beeping of the oven pulled you apart. You reluctantly let go of Poe, grabbing your wine glass while Poe dished up the food. He suggested eating on the couch instead and your achy muscles couldn’t have agreed more. You made yourself comfortable on his couch as Poe ran to get Beebs before it got much later, both of you having severely lost track of the time. Although the dog was happy to see you again, he ran right into Poe’s room to sleep, tuckered out from a night of playing with another dog.
It didn’t surprise you that Poe was a decent cook and you made sure to let him know as you ate. How he managed to plan everything from the date to the food, you had no idea.
“You said earlier that you and Finn and Rey might still play individually. Do you?”
Poe shrugged. “Occasionally. I find myself mostly playing when I get really stressed. It’s relaxing.”
“Do you play for Beebs?”
“No, but he’ll sometimes lay next to me while I play, so I guess maybe a little bit.”
“Will you play for me?”
“Someday.” Poe was already thinking through all the different songs he could sing to you.
“So you skate, you cook, supposedly sing, and dance. What can’t you do?”
“Water ski.” Poe answered and you gasped theatrically, which turned into a loud laugh. “I’m serious! I’ve never been able to stand up.”
“I’ll teach you. It won’t hurt as bad as ice skating.”
Poe moved the dishes onto the coffee table, bringing your legs into his lap.
“Will you stay tonight?” Poe asked, giving your leg a squeeze. “No sex on the first date, I promise. We’ll do this right. There have been too many times I’ve wanted you to stay but didn’t ask you. But if you don’t want to, I’ll take you home.”
“I want to stay.”
You and Poe, on his couch, found yourself in the same position you were in a few weeks prior, except sadness and anger were replaced with adoration and bliss and neither of you were holding anything back. You stayed up until the early hours of the morning, just talking. With how much you knew about each other, it felt more like a sixth date than a first date. It was truly amazing how smooth the this transition was, from just sex to dating.
Like you were meant to be doing it all along.
tag list [open!] - @ah-callie @darksideofclarke @gloomygoregirl @leilei-draws @imaginecrushes @i-ievu @brianamaree @yeeintensifies @spider-starry @krazykatkay456 @fanfiction-trashpile @afootnoteinyourhappiness @easterncryptid @my-child-gaara @myrandom-fandomlife @onebatch--twobatch
253 notes · View notes
makeste · 4 years
Text
top 20 favorite quirks
okay, but listen, though! it’s exactly what it says in the title. not best quirks, or most useful quirks, or most creative quirks. not even coolest quirks! I did try to take all of these things into consideration when choosing, but honestly? by far the most important factor was, “I JUST THINK THEY’RE NEAT.”
anyway but let me backtrack and post the actual ask.
Tumblr media
you’ll note that at no point was I asked to pick twenty of them. I did that all on my own. so here is my list!
20. Solid Air (Tsuburaba)
Tsubaraba Kousei. all-time undefeated grand champion of The Floor Is Lava. or at least he was until Ochako came along. anyway, so this is an extremely nifty quirk with all sorts of utility ranging from defense to helping him get around. it’s super useful for catching bad guys, and apparently the only real limit is his lung capacity. this quirk has so much potential and I love it.
19. Copy (Monoma)
the fact that he can copy his opponents’ powers and use them against them is badass enough, but add in the fact that he can hold up to 3 (or 4??) of them at once -- for as long as ten minutes -- and this quirk starts getting seriously powerful. anyway so one thing you might note as you read on is that although Copy is on my favorite quirks list, AFO is not! and that’s because Monoma’s limits actually make the quirk much more interesting to me, because they force him (and Horikoshi) to get creative. this is a really fun quirk and I would love to see more of Monoma in action. about time we saw him fight some actual villains and not just class 1-A, honestly.
18. Brainwashing (Shinsou)
as with Monoma’s quirk, what really sets this apart from other mind-control superpowers (to me, anyway) is the fact that it has limitations. he can’t just control anyone at random; in order to take them over he has to get them to respond to him somehow. which leads to innovations like the voice-changer, and which as a result has made his battles so genuinely interesting and fun to watch. anyway so I really want Shinsou to hurry up and join 2-A, and for them to just give him his provisional license all “here you go, son” with no testing whatsoever, because we’re past the point of pretending the HPSC is actually responsible these days, and because I really want to see if he can help turn the tides the next time the heroes battle the League.
17. Zero Gravity (Ochako)
I feel like it’s worth noting that I don’t really have any kind of fear of heights or falling or anything like that. and so I can’t really explain why Toga using this quirk on Ms. Curious and her lackeys was hands down one of the most singularly disturbing scenes in the entire manga for me! but it was!! even now I’m wincing just thinking about it. she just lifted them all up and DROPPED THEM and they just FELL and DIED. just like that. holy fucking shit. anyway, so we should all be very grateful that Ochako is super kind and sweet and more inclined towards helping people rather than murdering them. because holy shit. anyways though this quirk is dope.
16. Erasure (Aizawa)
I once said that this quirk was “not very cinematic”, and I don’t think I’ve ever been so wrong about anything in my life. oh, past me. you truly underestimated the dramatic impact of someone with a terrifyingly powerful quirk going in for the kill, only to be all “NANI?!” as they suddenly realize that their powers are no longer working, and the camera pans over to a man with gorgeous floating hair and intense red anime eyes. I owe you an apology, Erasure. you are cinematic AF.
15. Black Hole (Thirteen)
I really wish we got to see Thirteen fight more often. they suffer from the same “too powerful” curse as so many of the other characters and it’s a shame. anyway so Black Hole is cool af and gives me a ton of Miroku/kazaana vibes, which I freaking love. this quirk is lowkey on a Tomura-level of destructive potential, honestly, and yet no one ever talks about it?? Thirteen could literally destroy anything they touched if they wanted to?? imagine if they ever Awakened, you guys. holy shit.
14. Tape (Sero)
this power is so fucking stupid and ridiculous and completely absurd and I LOVE IT. Horikoshi really drew a skinny guy with tape elbows and was all, “so this kid is basically Spider-Man but with tape. I have not put the least bit of logical thought or creative effort into this power beyond that, and I’m not going to, either.” and somehow we all just accepted it. anyway, dubious origins aside, it’s such a versatile ability and Sero has such amazing control over it. it’s offense; it’s defense; he can use it to set traps; he can use it for maneuverability. TAPE ELBOWS CAN DO IT ALL.
13. Outburst (Ms. Joke)
when will it finally be her time. Outburst is one of those powers that sounds super dumb at first, until you really stop and think what the ability to make someone laugh at will could actually DO to people. true uncontrollable belly laughter is a totally incapacitating thing. she’d have people collapsing to the ground and practically seizing up. and good luck using your own quirk to fight back when you’re doubled over struggling to breathe and can’t even see straight because of the tears in your eyes. that’s assuming any of her opponents are even capable of thinking straight long enough to try it. like, this is such a straight up brutal ability and the fact that we have still NEVER SEEN IT is honestly infuriating.
12. Glamour (Camie)
it’s an illusion quirk. of course I have to put it on my list. illusion powers make every battle approximately 100x more entertaining. and what makes this particular power even better is that in any other series, this quirk would have been given to some Tokoyami-esque super serious emo kid. but BnHA went and gave it to Karen from Mean Girls instead. what a fucking power move. goddamn.
11. Black (Kuroiro)
according to BnHA Ultra Analysis, Kuroiro’s Appearing Out of Nowhere skills are rated a 4 out of 6. I still haven’t figured out if this is meant to be a burn on him or not. this kid can ninja in and out of literally any dark object in existence. if it’s nighttime, that means he can basically move wherever he wants to at will. of course he’s skilled at Appearing Out of Nowhere. so tell me then, why is it ONLY a four out of six?? how could he possibly fuck this up?? who was grading him?? DOES HE JUST SUCK. I don’t know, but anyway it’s really funny to me and also I really love this quirk.
10. Transform (Toga)
Toga went and Awakened herself right into the top ten with the reveal that not only can she mimic other people’s appearances, but that while she is transformed, she can actually use their quirks. like excuse me, what?? holy shit??? it is honestly driving me crazy that we’ve only seen this in action once. Transform is basically Plot Twist: The Quirk. I really want to see Toga use it to its full potential and infiltrate U.A. and/or spy on the HPSC and/or murder someone with their loved one’s own quirk. I WANT HER TO GIVE SOMEONE THE MAES HUGHES TREATMENT. I want her to do something so shocking that people ragequit the fucking manga lol. I know I’m always saying the manga isn’t that dark, but this is honestly the one exception where I would freaking love for it to get dark as shit. anyway so yeah. if you want to fuck with people you really couldn’t ask for a better quirk.
9. Creation (Momo)
MACGUYVER: THE QUIRK. an unlimited inventory in the hands of someone brilliant enough to actually utilize it to its full extent. what’s not to love? honestly if it were me with this quirk it would be completely useless. not only would I get hopelessly bored two seconds into trying to memorize an object’s molecular structure or whatever, but even if I DID manage to figure out how to make stuff, I would never know what to do with the stuff, or when to use it. every time a new situation cropped up I would just create a bunch of random objects in a panic. but Momo is so elegant in her problem-solving that she often needs to create only one or two things to come up with the perfect solution for something. basically this is a good quirk that becomes a truly great quirk when placed in the hands of the best possible person in the world to wield it. the quirk is awesome because Momo is awesome, and I fucking adore quirks like that (see: next entry).
8. Permeation (Mirio)
ah, Mirio. the original victim of the “too powerful to be allowed” curse. remember that time he BEAT HALF OF CLASS 1-A IN UNDER SIX SECONDS, you guys.  small wonder Horikoshi couldn’t even make it through one complete villain fight with him before he had to de-quirk the poor kid. anyway, so Mirio makes this quirk look so mind-blowingly awesome that it’s easy to forget what a terrifying and fucked-up power it is in reality. “yeah it makes me blind and deaf and if I’m not careful I’ll fall into the center of the earth or splice myself in two or some shit.” what the actual fuck Mirio. but because he’s worked so hard and because Nighteye trained him so well, he’s mastered the timing to such an insane degree that he could kick Overhaul in the face without harming a single hair on Eri’s body. and honestly, there’s no way I could not love a quirk that gave us a moment like that.
7. Warp Gate (Kurogiri)
unlike SOME OTHER PEOPLE whose names start with Kuro, I would bet you that Kurogiri’s Appearing Out of Nowhere skills are a full six out of six! alas, the top ten of this list is chock full of people whose quirks are so badass that they had to be written out of the story one way or another. with Kuro at large there was technically nothing stopping the villains from just dropping in on U.A. one night to kill All Might, or rekidnap Bakugou, or whatever else they might want to do. and that’s actually a really scary thought though lol so it’s no wonder that Horikoshi was all, “yeah I’ll just have them capture him now.” anyways do you guys remember that one time in chapter 18 when Kuro used Warp Gate to create an endless loop of All Might suplexing Noumu suplexing All Might?? fucking quirks, though. wild.
6. Fiber Master (Best Jeanist)
another badass quirk, another badass quirk-user incapacitated and taken out of the story before their time. Best Jeanist is honestly terrifying. if he wanted to he could immobilize and even strangle and kill pretty much anyone in the world, whenever he fucking felt like it. that alone would be crazy enough, but then add to that that this quirk for all intents and purposes is basically telekinesis. as long as someone is wearing clothing he can move them around however he wants, as we saw in Kamino. basically, everything Hawks can do with Fierce Wings, Jeanist can probably do with his own quirk. AND THAT INCLUDES FLYING, YOU GUYS. the more I think about it the more I think we truly were robbed. I need Jeanist to come back already and fly everyone at Jakku to safety and tie Tomura to a chair with his own cape before proceeding to style his hair.
5. Rewind (Eri)
IT’S MY LIST!! I CAN PUT WHATEVER I WANT, AND IF YOU SAY I CAN’T, I’M TELLING MOM. okay but listen. everyone always rags on this quirk and how stupidly powerful it is, and look, I get it. but isn’t it kind of interesting that everyone is also always speculating over who Eri is eventually going to heal with her quirk? like, fandom is always complaining about how broken it is but at the same time they’re out here hatching all of these wild theories that center around it. and to me that indicates that in truth, this is actually an awesome quirk -- just so long as it’s used right. obviously there have to be some major limitations or else this is just “Fix Everything: The Quirk.” thankfully, Horikoshi did limit it! it’s super dangerous, she has trouble controlling it, and most importantly, it’s ridiculously slow to recharge and so she can only use it once every few months. it’s basically Recovery Girl’s quirk with a bonus slow-replenishing stamina bar that, once charged, allows her to release one ultra-powerful SUPER HEAL special move. and that’s pretty awesome. basically I think this quirk gets too much hate and not enough credit for the additional menu options it adds to the story. it’s interesting and compelling and I can’t wait to see what Horikoshi does with it.
4. Dark Shadow (Tokoyami)
TOKOYAMI WHY IS YOUR QUIRK SENTIENT. Existential Crisis: The Quirk. do quirks have souls?? if you shot Tokoyami with a quirk-be-gone bullet would Dark Shadow fucking die??? if Tomura absorbed Tokoyami’s quirk would Dark Shadow grow out of his back and be all “hey um, who the fuck are you”?? and would Toko’s head turn back into a normal human boy head?? would Dark Shadow look like Tomura instead of a bird shadow?? what even IS Dark Shadow, actually?? obviously it is not just a shadow because shadows can’t punch people or shield people from attacks or pick people up and fly them around. but yet he’s afraid of fire and grows weaker in daylight?? is Tokoyami secretly the strongest character in the entire series?? is there any way I can possibly justify putting this quirk all the way down at #4 instead of #1 where it clearly belongs?? let me answer that question by not answering it and moving on.
3. Explosion (Bakugou)
is the fix in?? is “exploding hands” really a better quirk than a fucking sentient monster man who lives in your belly button and reads your mind and is made of ~darkness energy~ and is your best friend? apparently the answer is yes! to both of those questions. yes the fix is in. I love Kacchan and his quirk is fucking awesome okay. it just never ceases to amaze me how this one single quirk, which really only does one thing, is nonetheless so spectacularly powerful that it allows Bakugou to compete on the same level as the fucking protagonist with all of his godlike super-strength and Main Character Powers and wacky SIXQUIRKS!! shenanigans. in my opinion the coolest thing about Explosion isn’t even its firepower; it’s the way Bakugou’s adapted it to fly around and to boost his speed. I think he legit may be the fastest character in the series right now, or close to it. he’s faster than Iida and Gran Torino and Endeavor. he can keep up with Deku without breaking a sweat. and he knows how to use that speed, thanks to his insane reflexes. add in the fact that this is also without a doubt the most cinematic quirk in the entire series, and I think I’m justified in putting it this high up. and anyway I still put two others up above it so shh.
2. Search (Ragdoll/Tomura)
Hey, What’s That Guy’s Deal: The Quirk. I just really love this one you guys. it’s so fucking useful. Video Game HUD: The Quirk. one hundred people at a time?? locations and weak points?? works even when you’re not looking at the person anymore and have blinked your eyes, unlike CERTAIN OTHER PEOPLE’S weak-ass quirks?? check, check, and check. is it any wonder AFO wanted this? plus it just looks so damn cool. the visual representation of everyone as little stars on a map. Turn On Location: The Quirk. okay look I feel like I’m doing a bad job of explaining why I have this quirk all the way up at number two. it just has this subtle badassness to it, and its introduction after almost two hundred chapters of buildup was just so fucking cool. maybe it’s recency bias?? I don’t even know; all I know is that I love this quirk and want to see more of it in action.
1. Blackwhip (Lariat/Deku)
listen, I was obsessed with this quirk back when it was called “Venom” and was by far the absolute coolest part of the 1990s Spider-Man cartoon series. I’m not just going to suddenly not be obsessed with it just because fandom is mad that Horikoshi gave Deku an additional power beyond just Smashing Stuff. Blackwhip is hands down the coolest quirk, guys. I’m sorry, it just is. it has the coolest name. it had the coolest entrance. it does basically anything you could ever want a quirk to do in battle. it grabs stuff. it Bloops. what more do you want. you’re all just jealous because you wish that you could Bloop too. I know I am. I wish I had a Bloop. anyway so yeah, Blackwhip is the upgrade to Deku’s fighting style that we desperately needed after 200+ chapters of Delaware Smashes and Broken Bones. all his fights are cooler now. he can save more people! he can fight without instantly dying! plus you just gotta love powers that occasionally explode out of control if their user gets all emotional and pissed off about the fact that you insulted his boyfriend. so yeah. Blackwhip at number one! on this list of favorite quirks. not best quirks!! jesus christ. please don’t kill me I have a family.
 so that’s my list! all 3000 words of it. how does this keep happening.
93 notes · View notes
in-tua-deep · 4 years
Text
tua s1 rewatch with my roommate
episode one (I forgot for the first episode oops):
I have been treated to pictures of a lovely cosplay of Klaus who won a cosplay contest my roommate was in !!
Klaus putting his arm in front of Five during the funeral fight is good shit
“I have heard like nothing about Vanya” “yeah that’s pretty much how she’s treated in show as well”
“I can see why he’s the fandom favorite” - about Klaus
“Istanbul is in the firST EPISODE?”
I forGOT about the “rapists can climb” line when he breaks into Vanya’s apartment omg but also like,, his dumb arm wound
Episode two:
HERR CARLSON
Aww baby fives first time travel his little smile. Baby. Baby boy. And the dawning horror in the apocalypse baby nO
Five: you got anything stronger
Also five: takes one sip and then fills up more, takes another sip, and then immediately puts it down ?????
The motel dude for hazel and cha cha just looks at them like “yeah these are serial killers” and just rolls with it
Also actually why tf doesn’t the commission spring for better stuff?? Why would they cut costs?? They time travel? They could game the stock market so hard ?????? Give the assassins their own rooms omg
Also why didn’t five like. Crush his tracker. Why did he just leave it whole and intact outside of the Griddys.
Forgot how much I love Agnes
(Oh man it is storming bad here it just BOOMED)
Also idk if Diego actually deserved that taser hmmmmm but also like,, communication lads five was literally right there killing people and Diego is like “hmm something is up here” like. Yeah Diego ur big brother “I can get my sibling in trouble for something” senses are tingling
Wow I really did repress all these Allison and Luther scenes huh. Also it’s still super cute that Allison read Claire moon books
Allison: dads heart gave out, which wasn’t how I was expecting to find out dad had a heart but it tracks
“SHUT YOUR PIEHOLE BEN... said with love 😘”
Did five actually sleep at Vanyas?? The sofa looks undisturbed but he had to wait for work hours to interrogate the meritech people,, five,, please sleep. The whole “IF YOU CALL ME YOUNG MAN ONE MORE TIME” interaction makes more sense with five on. Zero sleep.
I didn’t remember that Patch straight up knows about the umbrella academy oops. Like she clocks Diego as overcompensating for his childhood. Queen
Is that an umbrella adademy Diego cross stitch on Diego’s wall?? Did he buy that? Make it?? Did grace make it?
Vanya, walking into the academy: five??? five? pspspspspsps
Also like. Who was Vanyas therapist??? Clearly they did not help her
Aww the tow truck driver :(
I know the show wants me to dislike Patrick I KNOW,, and I think her fathers funeral is extenuating circumstance?? But still Patrick is valid for not giving an inch regarding his ex who mind controlled his child. Vanya didn’t really deserve Allison snapping at her but like. She had some good points. Allison arguably would have had to deal with vanyas book more than anyone else
Five smiling proudly at Klaus’s drama at meritech bless but also KLAUS DONT BREAK GLASS ON YOURSELF
Me, spotting Leonard: BASTARD
Love how everyone greets Diego in the gym and don’t question all his knives or anything like “yeah that’s Diego he lives here and loves knives :)”
Why could Leonard have not been like. A normal ass guy. Vanya needs friends who sympathize with her holy shit get this person some socialization
Pogo really did have to lead these kids by hand to the recording rooms because literally no one was super invested in reginalds ~murder mystery~
ahafahJAGSJWGAI MY ROOMMATE JUST SAID POGO IS THE BEST CHARACTER SO FAR,,,, I will probably never include pogo in my fics because I do Not Care About Him lmaoooo
Aww five does to see Dolores and being like “it’s been a rough couple of days :(“,,,,, baby,,,, but also tag yourself I’m hazel going “elastic wrist splint yesssssss”
Five I am begging you PLEASE get some sleep
OH FIVE SHAKING DIEGO IN THE APOCALYPSE TO TRY AND WAKE HIM UP OHHHHH OH :(
Episode 3:
my roommate is super faceblind which is an issue bc she identifies people mainly by hairstyle so seeing the s2 stuff on tumblr is tripping her over bc she keeps seeing diego and going ??? who is that again? bc she’s seen his longer hair
okay there is no way that the eggs that grace put in that pan are the ones that ended up on the smiley face breakfast plate,,, but also grace that whole scene was a mood honestly i would be like “okay maybe mom killed dad BUT he deserved it sooooo”
“what the FUCK” - my roommate about cha-cha’s shitty wound care where she holds a curling iron against her arm
i didn’t remember that five got shOT AT THE DEPARTMENT STORE did i just erase that from my memory?? i mean yeah it’s a graze but he stitches it up and then slaps a bandaid on it so he has a wound that needed stitches on his shoulder for the entire show ??????? is he okay???? that would make moving your arm,,, painful,,,,,
a bandaid just slapped over it i’m actively yelling
“Sometimes when I see a million gifs of a show before I watch I get really surprised when they talk but he is exactly what I expected” - my roommate, about five
“I noticed they’ve only really showed diego in really badly lit scenes so far” - my roommate defending her lack of ability to recognize diego
i’m still laughing about pogo literally having to point out the murder tapes and now allison and luther are investigating and just. allison is lowkey defending grace and i’m laughing
“why is he saying woodwork is embarrassing that’s like one of the most middle of the wood hobbies to have. you’re respectable to grandpas who used to carve wooden ducks AND twenty-year-olds who can’t make anything to save their lives” - my roommate on leonard peabody
“i think he’s already crossing some lines he’s met this lady ONCE” - roommate on leonard/vanya
five having flashbacks in the car :(
did allison and luther draw straws for who went to fetch which sibling?? allison was like “dibs on vanya” and luther was just like “aww :(”
five luther and klaus in the van - BOYS NIGHT BOYS NIGHT let’s go pick up diego
“the coat he’s wearing does have a nice swish to it” - roommate about klaus’s coat
luther being like “you’re just as messed up as the rest of us and we’re all you have” like luther,,, baby,,,,, you literally ARE all he has,,,,,, his family is the only thing he’s really cared about since he was thirteen and maybe before then :(
“I can’t tell if those are supposed to be cake or yeast donuts... i think extruded donuts are cake donuts but she said she lets them rise so maybe they’re yeast?” - my roommate focusing on all the things that i do not
sometimes i forget that hazel and cha-cha pretended to be private detectives trying to find a lost child in a potentially dangerous situation,,, five would be disgusted
“she shouldn’t get a vote” “i was gonna say i agree with you” “she should get a vote!!” this is peak sibling energy honestly i think i’ve had that exact interaction with my siblings voting for a movie or something
“hashtag android rights” 
“I want to be the tailor who gets a call one day that says ‘i want you to make clothes for a chimpanzee”
is it telling that only luther in the flashback didn’t really talk to grace at all,, i mean five didn’t either but i think he was gone by that point in the flashback ???? 
wait diego tells grace that she worked for him for thirty years,,, the kids are 29 and later it’s implied she was built bc vanya kept killing nannies when they were like four but maybe s2 clarifies that some more?? or diego just is rounding up
“that’s an interesting fabric to her skirt” - my roommate about grace’s outfit
forgot that hazel and cha cha broke the door to the manor busting in,, do they ever fix that?? we’re only at episode three do they spend the rest of the season with their door open to anyone on the streets
okay that bathtub is WAY too small to allow for klaus to be moving his elbows about like that underwater smh
“how is HE useful on mission??” my roommate about klaus
where is the SECURITY SYSTEM??? luther LITERALLY said that reggie was more paranoid and yet some assassin can just bust down the door and have unrestricted access????? he built a whole ROBOT but no security system????????
“maybe it was like,, practice for the kids? someone breaks in and they take care of it? wait no that doesn’t explain the thirteen years they’ve been gone?”
“why WAS he on the moon?” - about luther
“I want to see what she’s embroidering!!” about grace during the gunfight in the living room she’s absolutely ignoring diego getting shot at
what is a rope-a-dope,,,, diego yells “EVER HEARD OF A ROPE-A-DOPE???” at luther but like. no i haven’t. what does that MEAN diego
aww i forgot they played sinnerman, love that song
“what are you doing dude, rumor has it you’re not shooting at me that’s all you need to do” i mean. the roommate is not wrong. allison could just end the fight with a yell. i understand she’s pissed off and has rumor trauma but like cha cha is actively trying to murder them
how is luther not winning he literally has super strength. does hazel have super strength? just punch the man and knock him out jesus y’all suck at this smh
why is there such intense music we all been knew about luther’s strength - oH HIS BODY
forgot about that
is it allison’s fault that klaus got kidnapped because she didn’t literally just rumor them to give up?? like she literally has that power. she could have been like “i heard a rumor you left and forgot about us” it didn’t even need to be violent?? i understand she has rumor trauma but this i feel is allowable circumstances
diego showing his worry about vanya by getting angry which honestly i think all the siblings do that rip none of these idiots have even heard of healthy communication in their LIVES
you know,, i don’t think vanya can drive. she takes the bus. she took a taxi to leonard’s house. we see her walking a lot. does she know how to drive?? i imagine that the umbrella academy were taught bc of mission related stuff but,,, vanya wasn’t?? that’s just depressing tbh
71 notes · View notes
fortheloveoffanfic · 3 years
Text
Protective Service
John Wick x Reader (A/n- Hopefully this chapter isn’t too confusing. Flashbacks in italics)
Masterlist   Chapter 1   Chapter 2   Chapter 3
Warnings- Mentions of murder/violence, angst
Chapter 4 Beautiful Nightmares
Tumblr media
Drenched and breathless, Y/n awoke with a startle, her wide eyes confused by the darkness. It took a moment before she’d realized where she was; in her bedroom at her penthouse, safe and alone. Her chest was dominated by heavy, uneven breaths and the black silk of her simple, lace edged camisole clung to her skin uncomfortably. Even as Y/n tried to settle herself, inhaling deeply through her overly dry mouth, she couldn’t push the flashes from her very vivid dream away;
A couple, swaying in each other’s arms as pale yellow moonlight washes the dark wooden panels constituting the floor of the back porch as soft music wafts from a radio on an end table. The woman’s giggles are soft as her husband leads them in a  slow, casual waltz and not too far off, after she’s been told to not stray near the lake, a young girl no older than six, plays with a plastic fairy wand, entertaining herself. She loves fairies; she wishes they were real but her mother always reminds her that they are, and that she’d the most beautiful one of them all.
It was one of Y/n’s fondest memories of her parents, the last one that had really embedded itself in her memory before the bad. Their love was one that seemed to stand out above rest, though, Y/n supposed that at that age, she couldn’t have known much about romantic love anyways. She hadn’t learned much more about afterwards either, only that it was destructive. That in the end, all it could do was hurt you.
The fire below the rustic, cobblestone mantle laps viciously at the iron barrier separating it from the rest of the sitting room. Not too far off, near the designated holder, one of the pokers lay forgotten. He hasn’t really spoken to anyone in days, not even his seven year old daughter and his eyes have taken on this sort of vacancy that makes its almost frightening to look at him. She’s scared of him, and the only person that would know what to do is gone. Meredith is gone, for good. They took her. It’s been three days since they found her on his birthday, three days since he knew that everything had changed, even if he can’t quite explain it to their daughter. Three days since she’s been asking for her mommy and three days since she’d gone from adoring him to fearing the shell of what he used to be.
The dream, it had taken a nightmarish turn and at some point, Y/n wasn’t watching her parents dance in the backyard while she chased fire files, instead, she was standing in the doorway of the sitting room, watching her father stare that the fireplace, wondering how the bravest man she knew could seem so lost. She hadn’t understood then, and she wouldn’t, not until the funeral, where a large service had taken place at a mortuary and the police had showed up, poking and prodding until someone, Donavan’s father, who had a long standing connection with the commissioner’s office, had stepped in and scared them off. That was probably the day he’d really changed, her father. After that evening he’d gone from broken to cold and ruthless. No one stood in his way because they were simply afraid to, and without his wife as a buffer, things had changed in his organization quickly. Trust could no longer be borrowed, it was earned and traitors were appropriately dealt with. If he couldn’t bring back his wife, then he’d definitely vent his frustrations where he could.
After Meredith passed, Y/n had clung to her father, even if he’d never been the same. He’d cut out most of his affectionate traits and though they were close, most of his time was spent molding her into someone unshakeable. Someone who wouldn’t ever have to feel the way he did. It was working too, by her teens, Y/n had developed into a stolid adolescent, able to suppress whatever she was feeling so she could one day grow into the woman he’d be proud of. The woman he’d never meet.
Money, it makes everything easier. People like you better, you can shop wherever you want and know one bats a lash when you do something you shouldn’t have. Or maybe, just maybe, that last thing isn’t a consequence of money. Maybe it’s fear. It doesn’t matter though, she’s used to that too, the look of fear in people’s eyes when she walks into a room. Even her father’s muscle sometimes squirm around her, there’s no telling what she’ll do or say, she’s just so…...vulturine. Face of an angel with the prowl of a predator. But even predators have bad days, terrible days, the one that becomes their worst day. 
Hers came after one of the most mundane afternoons of her life; she’d gone to a little pastry shop in the city with the son of one of her father’s affiliates. He’s a nice boy, just a couple years her senior and while letting people in is hard, Jack understands the life. Y/n’s dad likes him too. Her dad. “Daddy?” She calls out, pushing one half of the front double door closed behind her as she steps inside, the heel of her booth thudding quietly on the hardwood. It’s eerily quiet in the manor and in the air hangs a metallic smell that she knows all too well. The combination of gunpowder and blood. Usually, it's the smell she associates with her father and the business he’s training her to take over, but that evening, there’s a distinct portentousness that mingles with it. It’s too quiet, too cold, as if someone forgot to turn up the heat to combat the temperate fall evenings. 
“Daddy?” she calls again, only to gasp upon entering his home office. The white rug dominating the room is saturated with warm red and some of it’s even seeped out to the hardwood, probably staining it and almost causing Y/n’s to slip as she hurriedly enters. “Daddy,” she emits a choked breath as she sinks to her knees, not caring if the blood soaks the blue denim of her jeans. Immediately, she pulls off her scarf, doing the only thing that seems logical in that moment, pressing it to the gaping gash on his neck, trying to quell the rapid, almost cinematic flow. That’s sort of how it feels too, like Y/n’s been plopped into a movie, because that can’t be real, her father can’t be dying in her arms. “Hold on, okay?” Her mind is going twenty miles a minute and while she knows that there are people that she can call for help, all she can think is that she needs to help him now. 
He tries to speak, though, he’s literally drowning in his own blood, and that’s the first time that Y/n realizes that his wounds are mortal. Not just the slashed throat, but also several stab wounds to the chest. The sounds are sickly and stomach turning, and the sight isn’t much different, but still, she persists, he won’t see her undone. Even if inside, Y/n feels like she’s being ripped apart; torn to shreds by winter breeze. The feeling makes something change inside her, and as she presses the rich cashmere to the split in her father’s neck, Y/n feels the surge of something inhumane shoot up inside. The last shred, the only person she can truly care for has been snatched away, and in that moment, she becomes what he’s wanted her to be for the past thirteen years, made in his image. Utterly ruthless, unashamedly vengeful and undeniably frightening. 
The dream, even after several minutes of sitting up in her California king, stuck with her, and if Y/n shut her eyes, she could still feel the warmth of blood on her hands and hear the sounds that her father made as he struggled to take his last breaths. It had been a while since she’d last had a dream like that, but Y/n would have preferred to attribute the runnings of her subconscious to the events of the past couple weeks; having to clean up the mess of a betrayal but more so her mother’s birthday. With a heavy, deflated sigh, she flopped back, moving messy hair away from her face and dragging her fingers along her scalp. 
The clock on her bedside read as twenty minutes to four and despite the hour, Y/n knew that committing to slumber soon wouldn’t have been possible, so instead, she slunk out of bed, not even bothering with her robe as she slipped her feet into a pair of comfortable, fluffy flip flops before heading towards the door.
Tumblr media
It was a soft, hesitant knocking that roused John from his slumber. A heavy sleeper might not have heard it, but his ears were trained, never missing a thing, and he awoke almost immediately. Groggily, he took a moment to blink sleep out of his eyes as he weaned his hand out from under the pillow, where he usually kept a pistol. Registering the time as quarter to four in the morning, John also noted the near darkness of the large room, the only light besides that of the neon green numbers of the digital alarm clock being whatever filtered through the thin, grey curtains; some from apartments in the opposing building, a street lamp and the quarter moon. It was enough to wash the shiny marble floor with a white glow, though not nearly enough to disturb John's sleep.
Again, the knocking on his bedroom door called his attention, and with a soft sigh, John flipped the thick duvet off his legs, planting his feet on the floor and padding barefoot towards the door. "Y/n?" He knitted his brows upon the sight of her; dressed in the suggestive pajama set he'd glimpsed her in earlier, the same one that had brought with it all sorts of crude thoughts as he'd fallen to sleep. 
"Hey," she breathed meekly, tongue darting out to moisten her bare lips as Y/n tucked some hair behind her ears. She seemed so unlike her usual self, a little unsure, and much…...softer, almost harmless even. The pale white light coming from the opposing window illuminated her delicate features with a near bluish, ethereal glow. "I uh," she cleared her throat, standing a bit straighter, "Sorry for waking you."
That was odd, she never apologized. Shaking his head dismissively, John’s hand slid up the edge of the door as he slid against the frame, fleeting sleepiness disturbing his focus. Or maybe it was something else. “It’s okay,” something about the mood felt…...off. John couldn’t describe it really, like the air was swirling with something electric, making everything a little hazy, “What are doing here? It’s late.”
“I know,” Y/n didn’t seem to know what to do with her hands, and John couldn’t help but notice the absence of confidence in her disposition. It was so unlike her to be so unsure of herself and jittery. “It’s just,” she hesitated, mulling on her next words, “I can’t stop thinking about you John,” his name was a breath of her lips and when Y/n finally reached out, her palm hovering over the sleeve of his t-shirt before landing on his bicep. “I know its……..sudden, but it's true, and I can’t take the not knowing anymore. John-”
“Its okay,” he reassured softly, his eyes softening as he stepped forward, reaching out to place a hand on her hip, he raised the other to brush a couple strands away from her face, “I feel the same. There’s just something about you,” he searched her gaze, still cupping her face and his thumb ghosted the apple of Y/n’s cheek, “It just pulls me in. I’ve tried Y/n, but I can’t get you out of my head.”
“Good,” sliding her hand up his shoulder, she embraced the side of his neck with her warm touch, leaning into John as she stood on her toes, “Have you been dreaming about me John?” He could feel her breath fanning his lips and feel the warmth of her skin emanating from her top, “The way I dream about you?” Y/n pecked the corner of his lips, curling her arm around his neck.
“Yes,” he shuddered, feeling her lips travel along his jaw, his crotch twitching appreciatively at their proximity. His arms locked around Y/n’s frame, ensuing she was flush against him and his senses had never felt so awakened, making John acutely aware of how her full breasts were pressed to his chest, and how silken her skin felt when a couple of his fingers evaded the hem of her blouse, gracing the lower part of her spine. “I dream that I’m touching you, feeling you around me. I dream that…..”
“That what?” Y/n reached up to nibble on his earlobe, her free hand journeying between their bodies to grope him through the thick material of his sweats, “What else do you dream about John?”
“That you’re mine,” involuntarily, he bucked into her expert touch, his grip on her tightening possessively, “I want you to be mine,” he growled, a surge of jealousy pluming in his chest at the thought of Y/n being this way with Donavan. 
As one of John’s palms searched her warm skin, eventually reaching up to cradle Y/n’s upper back, she brought her lips over his once again, sharing their longing breaths, “Then make me yours,” Y/n tilted her head, leaning in and almost letting their lips brush, teasing him. “Do it John,” she prompted enticingly, “Make me yours.”
In an instant, he’d crashed his lips to Y/n’s feverishly, holding her in place and humming roughly into her mouth as his only response. Y/n stumbled forward when John stepped back into the room. The way she responded against him was unmatched and for just a second, every bit of guilt he’d harbored because of his growing feelings for her vanished, if only it could stay gone.
“John,” a familiar voice intruded, urgency growing as he ignored it, “John!”
It wasn’t Y/n, it couldn’t be her after all, and when John finally pulled away, he was greeted with the most gut wrenching sight; his Helen, standing in the doorway, hurt tugging at her features. She looked the way she did just before things got bad, before the long hospital stays and the machines. So impossibly beautiful, so incomparably pure and right then, so undeniably wounded. Her eyes, the ones he’d fallen for upon matching them for the very first time, welled up with tears, shining in the low light and her paled features were smeared with the twinge of betrayal. 
“How could you?” She sobbed, just as John untangled himself from Y/n, not noting the way her face changed, focused only one one thing; his wife.
How could he?
“Helen!” John brushed past Y/n, following Helen out into the hall, just as the hem of her white dress fled the corner. But he could hardly run fast enough and before John could reach for her arm, she was gone.
Tumblr media
“Helen,” John shot up in his bed, breathing heavily as he lunged forward. Even with his eyes now open, adjusting themselves to being so suddenly opened, he swore he could still see Helen as if she were right there, at the foot of his bed, tears in her eyes as a result of his betrayal. It was exactly what he’d been afraid of; betraying her memory. John couldn’t do that to her, he’d fought for his life just so he could live to remember her, the love they had. The only love he ever had.
Scrubbing his hands over his face and then through his hair, before turning on the lamp at his bedside and pulling open the drawer of his nightstand. What he sought laid at the top, and without hesitation, John brought out a picture and a little card out, holding them each in one hand. Every time he looked at the photograph, the memory would come back like it was yesterday, that day at the beach, when in each other’s arms was the only place either of them wanted to be. They’d known she was sick then too, but times were simpler and treatment had been working well. They had time, time to build a home, plan a life, be in love. 
Before Helen, that day he’d laid eyes on her in that restaurant, John didn’t think his heart had ever beat that fast. For a long time, he lived, fought for his life in the military and then under the mob, but when he met her, John, for the very first time, felt truly alive. And when she died a year and a half prior, part of him did too. Even if the love he had for her would never waver.
A lone tear fell dripped onto the photo and John’s teeth tugged on his lower lip to suppress a sob as he opted to shift his burning gaze to the letter. One of the last things he had to remember her by. Daisy was long gone; stolen by a fool who’d cashed for an untimely death, but John had held on to that letter. The only reason he’d still had it was because he’d had left it in his car, which, thankfully had been in the shop when his house had been destroyed by another dead fool. That card had kept him sane in dark times and had given him a glimmer of hope in quieter moments. 
“....you still need something, someone, to love.”
“........and now that I have found my peace, find yours.”
Loving again didn’t even seem possible, and it didn’t seem right either. And even if the glimmer of affection he felt of Y/n should have given John hope for a better tomorrow, she was tainted, corrupted; there was no peace there. Not for him and certainly not for them together. 
Bringing the picture to his lips, John swallowed tightly as he kissed Helen’s image, desperately wishing that things could have been different. He’d have burned the world down if it would save her life. But it wouldn’t have, and it was taking time, but he was learning to accept that. Returning the keepsakes to their security, John pulled himself out of bed, trudging out towards the kitchen hoping to find some remedy for the dryness in his throat. 
As usual, his steps were silent and hardly noticeable and John was just about to turn off from the corridor and enter when something stopped him in his tracks. At first, he’d thought his ears were betraying him, that perhaps he was still caught in his all too vivid dream, until he poked his head out, confirming the more logical explanation. Much to his surprise, Y/n stood in the kitchen, a wine glass on the counter, near a bottle while she had her back pressed against the large integrated refrigerator, head bent and hands pressed to her face as she elicited muffled sobs. Her frame shook slightly and her breaths were audible and ragged.
The sight was more than peculiar, it was surprising and wildly unexpected, yet still, John yearned to go into the kitchen and encourage her towards his chest and hold her until she was okay. Even if he’d had caught her shedding a tear or two in her bedroom a couple mornings ago, he’d never taken Y/n for the type that cried her eyes out when no one was looking, though he supposed that everyone had their limits, things that broke them down and reduced them to a state where nothing else seemed possible. His was Helen, he wondered if Y/n’s was her mother. 
A loud, hitching breath left John dashing for cover, pressing his back to the wall, and peeking out once again soon after, just in time to see Y/n slide down the silver door onto the floor as untamed sobs grew louder. He ached, physically, to go over to her, but the idea weighed heavy on his mind and knowing Y/n, she probably wasn’t seeking comfort anyway, so instead, John gave her what he thought she’d appreciate more; the solitude that he usually craved when reduced to tears, toeing back down the hall, and hoping that by morning she’d be okay.
******
Tagging-@harrisongslimited @magnificentclodpiebanana @keandrews @greenmanalishi  @rdjloverxxx @danceoftwowolves  @planetkt @wheretheriversrunintothesea  @jupiterdawngirl
40 notes · View notes