#i lost iv for a moment last night and then all of a sudden he’s right there with iii and this is legit the only photo i got of them lmao

[excelsior9173]

posting this one separate because i think it turned out really cool accidentally!

[yawnderu]

K-9 — Simon "Ghost" Riley x Reader | Chapter IV

Sick as a dog, and just as vicious.

1 2 3 4 5

What's a Lieutenant if not someone you can use as a stress reliever

Or

Being a gifted medic comes with free rewards

You weren't the only one catching up on some sleep. Simon was awake throughout Johnny's entire surgery despite having slept four hours the previous night, wanting to be available in case you needed his help, finally getting some much-needed rest after being practically forced by Price.

He wakes up six hours later, a small groan escaping his lips at the light entering his window. His burly arm comes up to cover his eyes, shielding them from the bright sun.

''Fuckin' hell.'' He muttered, getting up from bed and putting on a black balaclava. Shit went down yesterday, with Johnny almost dying, and Makarov is now free, able to continue killing civilians until they're finally able to catch him. At the very least, his best friend is alive and stable last time he visited.

Simon leaves his room, walking to the cafeteria to get a bottle of cold water and a few granola bars before heading to your quarters, knocking on the door softly in case you're asleep. No reply. He knows better, but... what if something happened to you? He uses the pathetic excuse to justify his actions, hand turning the doorknob carefully before stepping inside, footsteps surprisingly quiet for someone his size.

What a fucking sight. He stared at your sleeping figure for a while, taking in the details of your face when it wasn't pulled into a scowl or a bored expression, a small smile tugging on his lips at how peaceful you look before he realized how creepy he was being. He shook his head softly as if to snap out of it, putting the water bottle and granola bars before turning away to try and leave.

Try, because a much smaller hand wrapped around his wrist, almost making him flinch because of how sudden it was. He looks down at you only to find your eyes boring into his, tugging him closer by the wrist. A confused Simon followed like a lost dog before his feet rooted on the ground in front of your bed, giving you a questioning look with his eyes.

''Come lay with me.'' Your voice is much gentler than usual, laced with something he can't quite recognize yet. Simon knows better, really he does, but who is he to question the medic he's been pining on for months? He hesitantly removes his boots and climbs into bed with you, keeping a respectful distance despite his behemoth frame taking over half of the bed. His muscles tense up when he feels you cuddling up to him, being a painfully fitting piece against his body.

''What are you on bout, doc?'' You don't reply, simply examining his eyes for any hints of hesitation. You find nervousness, curiosity, doubt, and even the smallest hints of fear, but no hesitation at all. Your hand sneaks up to the bottom of his balaclava, pulling it all the way off before your lips crash into his hungrily. It takes him a few seconds of pure confusion before he kisses back, arms wrapped around your waist, and whatever questions he has on why you're doing this all of sudden pushed to the back of his mind.

Your hands grab at anything they can reach— muscle, skin, hair... anything, holding onto his much bigger body like a lifeline, his warm hands running up and down your back. He has fantasized about this moment so many times, yet the real thing is so different in a good way.

''Tell me I can touch you, bird.'' You simply nod your head and try to go back to kissing him, but he pulls away, gently squeezing your waist to make you look at him.

''Use your words.'' His words are almost pleading, wanting to make sure you want the same thing.

''I want you to touch me, Simon.'' Not a second passes before his lips are back on yours, tongues wrapping around each other's as his hands start to drift down, grabbing a handful of your ass. His touch is so desperate it almost makes you laugh, one of your hands sneaking down his shirt and feeling him up, defined muscles flexing under your touch. His slightly shaky hands fumble with the button of your jeans, breaking away from the kiss just to look at you and make sure you still want it. The half-lidded look you give him is enough confirmation, pulling down your jeans and getting on his knees, between your legs.

"Been wanting to do this since I saw ya." He confesses, too excited for his fantasies finally coming true to even feel remotely bashful about his words. He lifts up your shirt enough to reveal your tummy, gentle kisses planted on every single inch of skin his lips can reach as he slowly descends, planting open mouthed kisses over your clothed cunt.

"Fuck—" Your back arches at the feeling, eyes screwed shut as your hand goes to the back of his head, pushing him closer. His tongue is warm and wet, saliva mixing in with your growing arousal. He pushes your panties to the side, looking down at your gleaming pussy before digging in, tongue lapping the wetness before he latches onto your cunt, sucking and licking away like a starved man.

"You taste s'fucking good." He praises before going back down, the flat of his tongue moving around your cunt before slowly going inside, your whiny moans and hands gripping his short hair are all the encouragement he needs. He latches onto your clit next, long fingers teasing the entrance of your cunt, spreading your arousal all over them before he slowly enters you with one.

His fingers are thick and long, whiny moans escaping your lips as he adds a second one, making scissoring motions as he fucks his fingers deeper and deeper into you, tongue alternating between licking and sucking on your clit before hesitantly letting go.

"Sit on my face." It's not even a request, it sounds like a plea, though you quickly listen to his words for the first time ever, cunt hovering above his face as soon as he lays back down. He grabs a handful of your ass, squeezing the plush and pulling your body down to his face, eating you out like a starved man. His hands let go of your ass to unbuckle his belt, barely having the strength to pull his hard cock out of his jeans, eyes closing as he focused on the dual sensation of pleasuring you with his mouth and pleasuring himself with his hand, pre staining his fingers as his hand moves up and down his shaft faster.

"Fuck— Just like that, Si." Si. You never call him anything other than Simon. Sometimes Ghost, when you're needed during missions and hang around them in the helos, but the way you say his name... so much affection, even if it only comes from making you feel good. He's pathetic— God, he knows he's being pathetic, cock twitching in his hand at the idea of you reciprocating his complex and strange feelings for you, ropes of thick cum shooting out into his hand and stomach, a low growl coming out of his lips as he squeezed his cock dry of cum.

He focuses solely on you now, tongue swirling and flickering all over you, his clean hand coming up to rub your clit with his thumb while he assaults your dripping wet cunt with his lips and tongue. Your hands go down to his head, fingers pulling on his short hair while you use his face to feel good, getting closer and closer to the edge.

"Si, I'm gonna cum—" But he doesn't stop. Hell, his thumb moves even faster over your sensitive bud, tongue-fucking your pussy as deep as he can until he can feel your body shaking on top of him, thighs closing in on his head and squeezing as the intensity of your orgasm washes over you, his waiting mouth taking in all your juices, lapping at them greedily until you pull away from the stimulation, shaky legs managing to position yourself next to him, head against his chest.

"You hear that? Price is calling you." You lie, unable to contain the smirk on your lips as he flicks your nose.

"Piss off, doc." His burly arms wrap around you, a loud groan of protest escaping your lips when you realize you're forced to cuddle with him.

[PREVIOUS]

[hopingforgoodblogs]

The Fight

hey guys! so this is my first fic! ive always loved writing and i LOVE reading tumblr fics so i thought why not? lmk below if you like it and send me requests of what you want next! this WILL have multiple parts btw ;)

Modern Ellie x fem!reader

WARNINGS: cursing, VIOLENCE, d slur, abuse (please lmk if i missed anything that might’ve needed to be put in the warnings!)

Ellie Williams. Your childhood best friend. You guys were the duo that everyone recognized in the halls. You being the soft, innocent-presenting, good girl and Ellie being the more hardcore, dominant rebel. A common but iconic duo, if you will. You guys were never seen separated. That was until today. 

The night prior was very emotionally draining for the both of you (physically for Ellie). You had gotten into a serious argument. You both had gotten into disagreements and have bickered before, but not like this. 

FLASHBACK TO NIGHT PRIOR

You guys were at a party with your boyfriend. You and Ellie were already over this stupid party and since your boyfriend was wasted enough, you tried to leave. You were trying to calmly get him to stop drinking so you guys could just dip but he wasn’t having it.

“Babe, please stop drinking so much. Let’s go. It’s getting late and you’ve had enough.”

“No, I’m not done!” He slurs, his voice cracking and volume increasing.

“Oh shut the fuck up. You’re shouting is gonna burst my eardrums. If you don’t come on I’m leaving your drunk ass here,” Ellie jumped in, practically hissing her words, the annoyance and anger clear in her voice.

“Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to, bitch?” Your boyfriend snaps back, getting closer to Ellie. Her face scrunches up in disgust. His hot breath, which reeks of alcohol and beef jerky, hitting her nose.

“If you don’t back the fuck up,” She takes a deep breath, gritting her teeth, “I will beat you sober,” She retorts, purposely getting spit on his face. He jolts slightly at the contact and in disgust. 

He laughs at her remark, getting up in her face, “Yeah like I’d get beat up by a scrawny little dyke like you.”

Suddenly, the atmosphere changed. Anyone around could feel the sudden change in the air. Your eyes go wide and you freeze in a state of panic, knowing how violent Ellie can get. This isn’t her first time publicly experiencing this. The last situation didn’t end so well. Your mind starts racing at the speed of light trying to figure out what might happen or what you should to do. Instinctively you run between them, placing your hands on Ellie's shoulders, pushing her back in an attempt to restrain her from getting close to your boyfriend. 

“What the fuck did you just call me? Say it again! Say it! I fucking dare you!” If you weren't there to control her, she would’ve blacked out and killed the guy. 

She keeps shouting at him and you remove your hands from her shoulders to cup her face, “Ellie please! He’s not worth it! Let’s just go.” She stops her shouting and looks into your watering eyes. She can not only see fear in your eyes but can feel the fear in your hands. They were trembling. Why is she trembling? She thought. Her eyes shuffled back and forth between yours and very quickly at your lips which were also quivering. 

After a beat of studying your worried expression, she responds, “Okay, fine. But I'm leaving him here.” She grabs your hand so she doesn’t lose you in the crowd of people. As you walk away, your boyfriend catches a glimpse of Ellie holding your hand and he starts to hunt toward you angrily. He grabs your shoulder tight and aggressively swings you around, slapping your face hard. You fall to the ground in embarrassment, cupping your now red-handed cheek. At that moment Ellie lost herself. Her expression darkened and she ran towards him, making him fall. She got on top of him, beating his face in. Horror and fear were written all over your face. You were sobbing, begging Ellie to stop.

"Ellie, please! Stop it! You're gonna kill him!"

"Wouldn't be such a bad thing. This dipshit doesn't deserve to fucking breathe!" She continues to hit him. She's beaten him so much that he can't even form a sentence.

You start to hyperventilate at the sight of your boyfriends face, now unrecognizable, "Ellie stop it! You've done enough!" The genuine fear in your voice finally snaps her back into reality. She stops herself and stares at him. He's struggling and gasping for air. If Ellie hadn't woken up from her rage she would've for sure killed him. She slowly stands up, wiping the blood from her hands, and reaches for yours. 

"Let's go," She softly speaks, trying to be as gentle as possible. You hesitantly grab her hand and you guys leave the party. 

TO BE CONTINUED…

[softxsuki]

Hey (again)! Ive come back again with another urgent request (sorry) I was wondering if you could do a suicidal reader x nanami the reader is a sorcerer and powers are : they can technically spawn anything from a portal including void swords abd all that stuff - they can also blind their enemies with their powers.

Thank you and even though it is an urgent request take your time and have rest ,sleep and stay healthy (here's a star ⭐ for your hard work) ! My parents are fighting right now and I'm currently upset from the past few days and this 👌 close to giving up but then I remember people that r here for me including you but have a great night and thank you 💞

Nanami with Suicidal S/O

PLEASE DON'T READ IF MENTIONS OF SUICIDE WILL DO YOU MORE HARM THAN GOOD

IF YOU OR ANYONE YOU KNOW IS STRUGGLING WITH THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE, PLEASE REACH OUT FOR HELP.

Pairing: Nanami x Gn!Reader

Warnings: mentions of suicide attempt, wanting to die, reckless abandonment, depression, crying, hopelessness, desperation

Genre: Comfort

Post-Type: Headcanons

Word Count: 730

Summary: In which you're on a mission with Nanami and instead of fighting back, you stop and give the curse a chance to kill you, but not before Nanami steps in to help

[A/N: Hey again! Knowing you came back for another urgent request just is proof enough that you enjoyed my writing and that means a lot! No idea what you're going through in life, but I hope this helps you out, even if it's just a little. I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to <3 hope you enjoy!]

Nanami:

Nanami holds your life dearly to him

Your life is precious to him, a life force that he’d never put on the line; he’d sacrifice himself if it meant keeping you alive and well

Loss was a part of his job, he’s already lost countless friends and students, he couldn’t lose you–that would break him

So on one of your missions together when he saw you just stop mid-battle as a curse was seconds away from tearing you apart–he raced into action, adrenaline coursing through him as he ran faster than ever to get you

Your portal was open, it was there for you to easily defeat the lower level curse before you, but you just stood there

That’s when he knew 100% that something was going on with you

He’d seen little signs of it before, like seeing you distance yourself from him little by little, noticing the dark circles under your eyes, your sudden reckless actions, mood swings– all the signs were there, yet you managed to cover it all up so well

It wasn’t until this very moment that it became certain you were trying to die–you were trying to leave him all alone, how would he move forward without you–the love of his life?

This mission was supposed to be simple, he invited you for the sake of spending more time together since you were slowly pushing him farther and farther away

Almost losing you wasn’t in his agenda for the day

He could feel his pulse echoing in his throat as he pulls you away from the curse, quickly exorcizing the last few curses before approaching you

His adrenaline is still racing, so his initial response is rage

“What were you thinking?! Were you really trying to get yourself killed?! Your portal was open, why did you freeze up like that?” He chokes up on his words, falling to his knees before you as tears fall from his eyes, this snaps you out of whatever trance you’re in

You hadn’t seen Nanami so worked up to the point of crying since he lost Haibara back in high school, that’s when you realize what a mistake you almost made

“I-I’m sorry” it’s the only thing you can manage to say to him

He tries to calm himself down, feeling exhaustion hit him from the sudden adrenaline rush

“No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap, I just…I almost lost you. I can’t allow that to happen. I don’t know exactly what’s going on with you that you felt like this was your only option, but I can’t lose you, Y/N. I love you so much, you’re my everything, please don’t leave me. Please” he begged, taking your hand in his as he leaves kisses to the back of it, scared to let you go, in fear that he’d never feel the warmth of your hands again, never feel your heart beating against him again…he was terrified

You didn’t think being gone would affect someone so much, sometimes you forgot that you had people in your life that really cared for you, your depression clouding your mind so much

It isn’t until you both go back home and settle down when you open up about your struggles with him

Your internal battles and your troubles at home that all became too much to handle at times

He’d quietly listen to every word you had to say, tracing circles on the back of your hand whenever you stopped speaking at times, finding it difficult to emotionally open up to someone, but he was there. He cared. He really cared

Nanami would ask you what you’d like him to do; of course he’d help in his own way, like asking if you’d like to speak with a professional for help, but if not, he’s more than okay with helping you in any way he can

Moving forward, he keeps a closer eye on you, whether it be holding you more often, inviting you out, staying at home, talking things out–he’d go to the moon and back if it meant helping you feel better and not wanting to leave this world without him

One day at a time–you just need to get through each day one by one, and you’re definitely not alone, he’d be right by your side, taking your hand and walking every step with you

REQUESTS ARE OPEN :D

Posted: 08/28/2023

[rat-typewriter]

l,,link with a really clumsy male S/O who can barely walk straight,,,,pls,,,

Note: Good grief i am so sorry this has been chilling in my inbox for a YEAR oops,,, anyway im sorry its late and not the best quality but we tried and ive just done 4 hours straight of biology cramming soooo

Proofread: did shakespeare have time to proofread???? I think not 😌😌

Clumsy - Link x GN!Reader

You stared at your hands, which gripped the sword tightly - to the point of whitening your knuckles. It was heavier than you had expected; it didn’t help that your palms were drenched in sweat, leaving you readjusting your grip every few seconds.

A few feet away, sitting in the grass, Link watched you carefully as he sharpened his own sword. It had been his idea - after an uncomfortably close call with an angry moblin - that you should learn to defend yourself. It definitely wasn’t a bad idea, but you could practically feel Link’s watchful gaze and his tenseness each time you took a swing at the scarecrow in front of you. 

You lunged forwards, taking a jab at its limp straw body, just as he’d taught you. It was satisfying to watch the dry grass guts spill out of the torn scarecrow; it was even more satisfying to see that you were actually improving.

“That wasn’t so bad!” you grinned, turning to Link - who nodded and gave you a thumbs up and a smile.

A gust of wind ruffled his hair as he turned back to his work. Pausing, you watched him for a moment. Over the last year that you had travelled with Link, you had always been amazed at how calm he seemed - even when faced by a Linel or hoard of Bokoblins; even on the night that he kissed you for the first time. Nothing ever fazed him; that was always something you thought you could be certain of.

At first, his silence had puzzled you. In the quiet moments you found your mind racing, were you bothering him? Was he listening? Would he rather you didn't say anything? The more time you spent together, you had grown to enjoy his company - you learned to read his expressions and pauses and silent laughter and suddenly he seemed to come to life. You found that he wasn’t mysterious or dangerous, but he was, in fact, the biggest dumbass you’d ever met. With everything he did came an air of mischievousness; everything was an adventure. And before you knew it, you were falling for the blonde-haired soldier. 

You smiled to yourself, as he knit his eyebrows together with focus. Another sudden breeze sent his hair into his face and he shook his head - attempting to flick it away. As he did so, he caught your eye. It didn’t even last a second, but it was there.

You quickly turned away, hoping that he hadn't caught you staring. Nearly three months ago you had confessed to Link - on an overcast summer night, as you waded through a river. His face had been unreadable; you stared at him - desperately searching his face for an answer. All the words that you’d held in spilled out like blood pouring from a cut - yet suddenly you had nothing to say at all. His name was on your lips - then, all at once, his lips were as well. It had been three months since that night, but he still made you nervous.

A quiet snicker came from behind you and you looked back over your shoulder at the smug-faced boy.

"What?" You said - your voice several octaves higher than normal - feigning innocence.

He raised his eyebrows and returned to sharpening his sword - still smiling to himself. He barely had to do anything to make your heart skip a beat. And he knew that. 

You huffed in a pointless attempt to mask how flustered you were. Sometimes you wished you could do something to make him as nervous as he made you. 

You turned back to the scarecrow and adjusted your stance, ready to take another swing.

I’ll figure it out one day, You decided. I will make him blush.

Sweeping your sword, you cut away at the shredded scarecrow - watching as tatters of fabric tumbled to the ground. 

You took a step back and - without warning - you lost your balance. Letting out a yelp of surprise you wobbled for a moment before landing in an awkward heap on the ground. As you hit the grass, a dull thump seemed to resonate through your body - leaving you aching slightly as you lay still on the ground. 

Not only had the fall knocked the air out of your lungs, but it had apparently also knocked the coherent thoughts out of your head. 

“Ouch,” you said, stupidly, as you stared up at the clear, blue sky. Before you could heave yourself up, a very-worried Link appeared at your side. His eyes were wide as he crouched beside you, frantically scanning you for any signs of harm.

You watched him, slightly confused - it was hardly a particularly dramatic fall, just the type of thing that seemed to happen to you at least three or four times a day. 

“Hey, I’m fine,” you said softly, moving to sit up. “You don’t need to worry-”

He pushed you back down and reached behind him, grabbing his bag. He rummaged through it, pulling some bandages out.

You giggled, shaking your head, propping yourself up on your elbows. “Link, I’m fine - really!"

He pointed to your hands - which you had scraped slightly. 

You laughed again, swatting him away. "Oh, it's all good - that's nothing."

It was true, it really was nothing. You tripped and knocked yourself all the time; your arms and legs were littered with cuts and bruises.

He sat back on his heels, raising an eyebrow - his expression still laced with concern. 

"Seriously, I'm alright!" 

He tilted his head at you worriedly. No matter how many times you stumbled or slipped - he never failed to panic.

You smiled softly and reached forward, putting your hand on his wrist. "You don't have to worry, I promise."

He glanced at your hand and then back at you. You suddenly saw the pinkness in his cheeks and a pang of excitement in your stomach brought a grin to your face.

"Are you blushing?" You leaned forwards, taking your head - watching as he looked away and scoffed. 

You sat up fully and pushed a strand of hair from his face. "Awe, you do care!" You joked.

He rolled his eyes, but smiled anyway.

"I'll have to fall over more often." You grinned.

He cocked his head as if to say, more often?

"Yeah, yeah, I know I'm clumsy." You giggled. "But you love me anyway."

He rolled his eyes, but was unable to fight off a smile. 

Yeah, you didn't mind being clumsy.

[echoedcrosshairs]

Dark Redemption: Blank Slate - part IV

Warning: Cannon typical violence, Order 66, Pinning, former established relationship, emotional turmoil, smut piv, mention of wounds, mention of mount taniss, Crosshair’s depression, Crosshair’s head wound, Flashbacks, experimentation mention.

Word Count: 7.9k

Master list - part I - part II - part III

The dawn had never looked more like the dead of night, reminding Crosshair of the emptiness within laced with a fresh wave of guilt that he knew would never fade into the shadows especially in the darkness light. He hovered next to your unconscious body, how soft and innocent your face looked while you were asleep reminding him of the monster he is; that was enough to make his step falter for a moment. It wasn't suppose to go like this, I was suppose to prove you belong with me. He gnawed on a toothpick trying to keep the rage from watching his features but it didn't go un-noticed by Admiral Rampart.

"I know we spoke about coming tonight but we couldn't risk you and the asset falling back into enemy hands or her getting wind of it and leaving," Rampart stated, or for you to have a sudden change of heart.

"Understood, sir," he tried to say as flatly as possible.

"Unfortunately you can't accompany her to the facility, but you will be there when she wakes up. She will most valuable to us," a way to control you if you step out of line, Rampart mentally added, "and to you."

Crosshair watched as you was taken to another smaller ship, his stomach twisting at what he'd done. He didn't dare each out to touch you one last time before what ever procedure they had planned even though marks of his littered your body plain as day for all to see. He scolded himself for such a visual display of weakness for his affection knowing the empire did not take kindly to such weaknesses. Why couldn't you just say you were coming with us of your own free will? ...with me. Crosshair let out a silent sharp exhale as he walked into the ship taking his place  watching the other ship take off into the unknown. Weakness, his brain screamed, but it will be better this way, us together again for the betterment of the galaxy. He discarded the cracked toothpick in his mouth, replacing it with another one to work away his silent frustration.

The rest of the flight back to base was silent, leaving Crosshair alone with his thoughts without the idle chatter of a mission and planning. No longer than he had you, he lost you for however long the procedure would take; it took all of his will power not to lean his head against the wall and stare into nothingness as the emptiness within slowly returned. Fresh images of you flooded his mind causing his toothpick to snap. He quickly put on his helmet to hide the sneer tugging at his mouth. How long until I see you again? Will you still be you? Will I still be me? Will I be Crosshair to you? Were you right; is he gone?

White. White walls, white floors, white clothing. White. The facility was obsessively sterile white top to bottom. Laying on your bunk you stared at the ceiling, without so much as speckling to create the smallest of images. Turning to face the wall you tucked your arm under your head. It was as close to privacy you could have here but it let your eyes shut trying to avoid thinking about the next round of 'treatment' slowly cutting bits of you away. No matter how much you repeated your life story and sequence of events, names and places it was all growing into a distant nearly forgotten memory. Doctor Hemlock had been intrigued by your resistance to the procedure slowly becoming his lab rat. Your ears heard his familiar step pattern approaching, reluctantly you sat up and faced him crossing your arms in unreal defiance knowing if you defied him it would be a day of pain.

"Come along," he sighed watching you scramble to your feet offering an eerie smile at your compliance, "While your mind is not perfectly clear, I think any more treatments will not be necessary for the next phase in your rehabilitation."

"Next phase?" you asked trying to hide the fear in your voice as your temples throbbed thinking about the 'treatment.'

"We're going to test if a regular mind can be implanted with an inhibitor chip, the clones are implanted young however we have yet to test if they work on non-clones. If you survive... you'll get to see him again."

Your heart felt like it had physically stopped, maybe it had. Him. You couldn't remember his name, time to time you remember the outline of his face and his piercing gaze but it always quickly faded, "Who... is he?" you asked already trying to steady the shake in your hand revealing you were more empty minded then you ever let on which didn't go un-noticed by Doctor Hemlock who gave an side eye glance.

"Your commander," was all he offered keeping this revelation to himself, "Does the name Crosshair? Sound familiar"

Speckled silver flashed across your mind followed by wonderful shades of brown and then an intimidating black silhouette in a tree, "Yes."

"You might have been useless getting substantial information about Clone Force 99, however your mind has revealed important about the procedure. I suppose it's time for a reward."

"A reward?" you knew him well enough it wasn't going to be able anything good, the man's name synonymous with pain. You watched Hemlock take out something from his pocket two holo imagines showing. The same man, silver hair and then bald with scaring. Your head started hurting trying to remember but nothing came, "That's.. Crosshair?" you asked questioningly still staring at it before he switched it off.

"Yes," Hemlock said smiling, "You'll be.. reunited with him soon enough," he said ushering you into the medical bay.

"What are we going to do?" Echo grumbled replaying the message again, it had been weeks and not a single whisper of your whereabouts anywhere. He knew that was meant something horrible had gone down.

"Per her instruction, we are to assume and proceed as if she is dead and bury the photos back on Corellia," Tech said flatly.

"We have to go after her!" Omega insisted, "We just have to keep searching!"

"Hate to say it but the kids right," Wrecker added, "Regardless of what we wanted she would come after us."

Hunter's hand curled into a fist trying to quell the anger boiling up, "We are to assume Crosshair killed her and forgive him, that's the last thing she told me."

"What!" Echo snapped staring at him, the rage in his blood boiling as he teeth clenched together.

"Crosshair wouldn't, would he?" Omega asked quietly.

"I... do not know anymore," Tech sighed, "since his time with the Empire I am no longer sure of the man he is; but he is still our brother. I do not believe he would or could be possible of harming her however I... also have to assume he followed orders."

"Then we just have to find Crosshair," Omega pointed out.

"He's too dangerous, especially now if he..." Hunter said hesitating too finish the remark, lost his last sliver of a heart, "We have to keep you safe from the Empire, that's what she wanted. I'm sorry Omega but we can't go after her."

"Can't or won't?" Echo said bitterly standing up, "We don't leave our own behind," he said before heading to his bunk to think, debating if he wanted to reach out to Captain Rex or if he just wanted to go by himself to find answers. Hunter is right, we all can't go and leave Omega unprotected but I'm an ARC, this is what I do. Echo took an annoyed breath finding the presence of Wrecker staring at him in his own bunk. "What?" Echo grumbled.

"You're thinking about finding her yourself aren't you?" the giant asked.

"She's was family to you all long before I joined this squad, we should be going after her."

"Ya got a point," Wrecker huffed, "What about the kid?"

"I'll go alone, Rex didn't give up on me; I can't give up on her. Who knows what the Empire is doing to her."

"Just think it through," Wrecker wasn't a planning guy, he rushed rushed in head first but even he knew for this not even he could do that and win.

"Thanks, Wrecking Ball," Echo gave a short laugh before looking down at his scomp hoping you hadn't met a similar fate or worse.

"He does have a point," Tech pointed out raising his finger to emphasize it.

"I know... Tech, I know," Hunter muttered defeatedly listening to the conversation playing out in the bunk room, "I have to choose between saving her or risking the lives of everyone in this squad."

"And Crosshair's, we don't know if she is dead or alive, or a hostage being used against him," Tech added, "They are partners, where we find one we will more then likely find the other if she is alive. If we could just find him in the field-."

"Stow it, Tech," Hunter murmured, "We have to think this through thoroughly account for every angle," he whispered, "for Omega's sake."

White, vibrant bright white. In the distance you think you heard screaming; a part of you curling up in to a ball trying to hold onto something but it didn't last long against the flooding sensation of sterile white. You stopped registering the growing pain with the amount of sedation that coursed through your blood. The part of you which desperately tried to hold your mind together fading into depthless black. Have to remember... them.

Hemlock watch as your thrashing stilled, smiling clasping his hands behind his back before asking about your stabilizing vitals, "Excellent, prepare her for transport."

"Doctor, we don't know if the procedure was successful," Emory countered.

"Prepare the asset for transportation, if it was a failure we terminate the experiment and try again," he repeated annoyed.

Crosshair was brought to medical facility in a unmarked ship, it had been weeks without a whisper of your name and he had started to assume the worse unexpected when a file was handed to him to read. Project Belladona, Rampart had called it. Curious. Upon entering the room he found a Reg sitting stiffly. Commander Neyo. Crosshair didn't sit, annoyed at the intrusion of this reunion. Patiently he waited against the wall until your sleeping body was brought in. His eyes didn't leave you, watching every raise and fall of your chest slowly relaxing with every breath that you were still alive and lived through whatever had been done.

"The Doctor will not be joining us," Emory said injecting adrenaline into the iv, "She should wake momentarily. Her memory however is... distorted. You've both have read the briefing. We don't know what or when she will remember."

Crosshair's reservations broke as he pried himself off the wall moving to your side as he saw your body trying to wake, placing his fingers inches from yours as he waited staring down hoping to be the first thing you saw upon waking. His fingers inched closer almost breaking the gap when you shot forward clutching the side of your head. Crosshair watched at you looked down finding his hand then up at him before looking towards Neyo. No recognition, nothing. Nothing, just like me.

"Commander! How long was I out?" You asked looking towards Commander Neyo.

"Lay back down, lieutenant" Neyo said nodding towards the bed, "Do you remember Commander Crosshair?"

You looked at the man, deep brown eyes, sharp nose, high cheek bones, full eyebrows and a prominent cupid's bow and jaw line, "No, Sir. Apologies Commander."

Crosshair pulled his hand away as if a rapid animal had struck him, "With time will her memory return?" He asked flatly looking to the unknown woman fighting the crumpling sensation in his chest.

"Possibly, we don't know for sure. I must go update the doctor on her condition," Emory stated with a small nod exiting the room.

"Glad to see you've awakened. I wish the best for your recovery," Neyo said eyeing Crosshair suspiciously before he exited as well.

Crosshair's eyes were fixated on you, nothing but your mind seemed out of place no fresh scars that he could perceive except there it was... a dull haze in your eyes; life-like but more to the appearance of a wax figure rather then a living person. He stuck a fresh toothpick in his mouth trying to regain any semblance of composure, "What do you remember?" His stomach twisting in preparation for the answer

"I don't really remember much," you said blinking before staring at him, "You're familiar but I can't say if I ever knew you personally."

"We've been together for a long time," Crosshair said open endedly, "At least your awake."

"How long has it been?"

"40 rotations."

A month, you have been out a little over a month. You tried sitting back up but you felt his firm touch push you back down, "I'm fine," you tried again but his touch was even firmer this time. There was an intensity in the grip you didn't understand but it was threatening but caring wasn't the correct word either.

"Not til the Doctor releases you."

"You don't need to baby me, Commander."

"You'd like me spoon feeding you" He quipped, "To you, it's just Crosshair," he added.

"I am certain that goes against regulations," you started.

"We've always been a little against regulations," he finally sat back in the chair the room provided. Examining the faint haze in your eyes, he wondered if it was the procedure or from the sedation but he wasn't that lucky. The lack of recognition in yours eyes made him feel even more insignificant in the vastness of the galaxy. All the time together, gone. Just like with his brother. A lifetime erased. His fingers brushed against the pocket concealed under his armor hiding the photo Hunter had given you. For a moment he was tempted to pull it out and show you but for now he could continue to save what little was left of his heart.

"When you meant we've been together for a while...?" he watched your eyes shift to the door then back to him.

"We've been together for a while," he restated with a small smirk watching you roll your eyes at him. At least her observational skills are still intact. "How's your head?"

"Hurts, but its tolerable. If we've been together why was Commander Neyo here?"

"Good question," Crosshair arched an eyebrow seeing him in the hall wall still talking to the lady, "Doesn't matter. You're where you belong."

"With you?"

"Yes."

You stared at him, his demeanor, his voice, the void in his eyes it all seemed to familiar but no memory came forward. White. You looked around the room, it seemed familiar at least the shade of vibrancy did. You blinked remembering one tiny memory of being strapped to a bed in a room like this and that was enough to make your heart start zooming. You flew up, hearing your heart monitor ding and twisting his arm out of the way as he tried to push you back down, "No, please," you whispered. You saw him narrow his eyes and eyebrows furl together for a moment before it soothed back into a neutral expression.

"Remember something?" he whispered.

"I don't like white rooms."

Crosshair gave a curt nod, she remembered something about the facility before me, kark it. The corner of his eye caught Neyo's back walking away and the lady reproaching. He eyed every movement as she checked over her vitals and scanned her head. Crosshair's fingers gripped the arm of his chair but stayed silent as he saw the tiny implanted chip on her screen. Fury starting boiling in his blood, he knew that's what took so long trying to see if she would survive. She wasn't some clone, nat borns weren't designed for that.

"She's free to go, the doctor will come check up on her on a later date," Emory said unplugging her connections to the various machines.

Crosshair held out his hand helping you to your feet, "Crosshair, a moment?" the lady said tilting her head to the side. He dropped your hand and walked over barely keeping his composure.

"What."

"Take this, it's to monitor her implant for any complications. If this meter drops belong half press that button and we'll be on our way to.. retrieve her."

More than likely terminate her, "Understood," Crosshair spun on his heel tucking the monitor into his utility belt quickly returning to your side, "Let's go," he said quickly wanting to get you out of that disgusting situation. Stirring you through the halls back to the awaiting ship, he was granted small relief as the door shut behind him. He gave the order to the pilot to take off immediately before taking a seat watching as you sit across from him. Putting a fresh toothpick in, "Now, what did you remember?"

"I'll tell you when I figure it out. Is that my weapon kit?" You asked looking at the long carry crate on the floor.

"Ours. Your armor replacement is in that crate," he said nodding his chin towards a box in the corner he hadn't bothered to look through.

You got up surprised at how easy walking the across the ship had been with the mild turbulence. Your fingers hovered at the lock wondering the type of person you were, is it too going to be white? Opening it you found black on dark grey on deepest shade of red camo pattern scattered across it. Muscle memory quickly equipped it into place. Tucking your helmet under your arm you found him staring at you, annoyance lacing his features with a sneer plastered across his face. You looked down at the armor then back up at him, "Did I put something on crooked?" you asked confused.

"No."

"Then what's that look for? Or is just your face?" you said arching an eyebrow.

"It's the colors on our disbanded unit. Paint it black when we get back to base." It felt like a slap in the face, just another silent taunt by the Empire which he diligently served.

"Yes, Sir," you said shuffling back into your seat.

"You don't need to-."

"Regulations."

"Then you're really going to hate it when we get to the base," Crosshair snickered his mood lightly lifting at the approaching realization.

"Sir?"

"You'll see," he smiled folding his arms over his chest.

You stared down into the visor of the helmet, looking over the colors causing words to tickle the tip of your tongue but nothing came. Your mind felt as empty as the color of the hospital. Sighing you set the helmet on the seat next to you. Itching the side of your head you found Crosshair staring at you intensely, quickly you dropped your hand to your lap feeling like a scolded child for some reason under his gaze. Instead you opened the weapon kit on the floor finding two blaster rifles, one well used and one brand new. The rifle whispered to you, calling you to use it against them. The traitors. You stared at it blinking before you shut the case pushing it away. The side of your head pulsed once more before fading. Arriving at the base their was one no to greet either of you which you had anticipated. Passing eyes stared at both of you as moved through the barracks heading towards a room at the very end of the hall. You watched Crosshair pull out a card and slip it into the slot, the door sliding opening. You followed him in finding spotless quarters, everything perfectly aligned but eyes going wide noting the two beds a few spaces apart.

"Why is everything of mine new?" you questioned eyeing your armor, the weapon, the bed, even the obvious new clothes in the small closet.

"Regulations," he shrugged,  "We should run a battle simulation to see what you remember."

"Now?" you arched an eyebrow.

"I obviously meant yesterday," he quipped placing his hand on his hip letting his other hand set the weapon kit on the bed opening it. He stared at you as your hands assembled it faster then they had in the past even rivaling his own practiced speed. Hearing your quietly foot steps following him, he guided both of you to a training room away from prying eyes. He saw the cold expression on your face before slipping on your bucket. I suppose that's the chips influence. Wonder if that's what I had looked like before battle. Crosshair quickly tapped in the authorization for the drill and snapped quick orders watching you follow them to the letter. In his observational perch he watched you tenaciously defeat the combatant droids. He didn't make a sound as he hoped out of the shadows on to the ground as the simulation ended, "Remove your helmet," no sooner had the words came out of his mouth did he see you taking it off and folding it into the crook of your room. There was still the void expression across your face, empty. He made a hmm noise sticking a toothpick back in his mouth, "That's enough for today," he watched a sliver of you return to your gaze before stalking out of the room.

Watching his hand move you caught the key card he tossing the spare in your direction. You turned it over in your hand before slipping it into your pocket, "Was my performance satisfactory?" you asked looking at him finding him lost in thought. You didn't bother to ask again at his silence. Seems like the type of man who would have said something if it wasn't. Finally he looked at you with a scrutinizing expression but still didn't say a word. You were getting really pissed by the expression without explanation.

"Commander-."

"Crosshair," he growled, "Yes?" he asked softer.

"When can I go back to hunting them down?"

"Who?" Crosshair said squinting.

"Clone Force 99," the name on the tip of your tongue finally blared in your head echoing through out your body, "Our... old unit," throbbing knocked on indelicately against your temples. Fingers traced the side of your head, you found Crosshair's thumb running along side the throbbing part of your mind with an unrecognizable expression across it. "What is it?" you asked arching an eyebrow noticing the touch relaxed the flutter in your hollow chest.

"Nothing," he said pulling his hand away, fingers plucking the toothpick out of his mouth and flicking it away.

"When do I get to see the rest of our squad."

"They died rescuing you," the lie came easily as he had perfected it waiting for your arrival, the perfect cover story the empire had carefully planned. The shadow of the truth laced with a hint an echos betrayal. "We're on standby." Crosshair felt the tingle in his hand from the touch even through the glove of your warmth. His lip twitched into a frown stopping his abrupt walking, "Get changed," before he turned back into the direction of the barracks.

"Sir?"

"We're going out."

You followed him back to the room gluing your eyes to the floor as you heard his armor click to the floor. Out of the corner of your eye you saw his back was still towards you but his head was tilted to the side smirking before digging out civvies. Finding the dresser you opened it stacking your armor on the top putting on the first thing you saw. Your eyes caught silver in his drawer, you moved towards it and grabbed it without hesitation holding the soft fabric in your hands. Inhaling the scent it seemed so familiar, "Crosshair," you whispered. Pulling it away from your face, a small image of a store popped in your mind, "I picked this out."

"You did," he affirmed eyeing you, "Reminded you of my hair," he gave a small curt laugh running his hand across his scalp before grabbing the scarf wrapping it around him neck, letting out a content hmm, "Coming, Cyar'ika?" the endearment slipped out. He gridded his teeth turning away from you.

"Cyar'ika?" you asked catching up to his frame heading towards the door.

"Empty headed."

"I somehow don't think that is what it means," you laughed.

"Wouldn't you like to know" you found his eyes beaming at you a smile tugging at his eyes, "I'll tell you if you remember anything I deem relevant," his smirked nearly caused his tooth pick to fall out. Crosshair watched as you caught up to his side following him to the speeders at the edge of the base. He felt your warm against his back as you climbed on, holding his waist causing him to quickly exhale trying to dispel the memories playing across his vivid mind.

"What planet is this?"

Crosshair cocked his head squinting before returning his eyes to the road, "Corellia."

"Have I been here before?"

"You tell me."

"I don't think so, doesn't sound familiar."

"Hmph," Crosshair gruntled. A special place in your heart, erased. This place and I are alike. His eyes took in the surrounding landscape before taking a sharp turn towards the out-skirted city. He felt your grip tighten at the sudden jolt but hoped it would spark any memory. Using his tongue he flicked the toothpick into air, smirking as he peaked watching it fall into the trash but silently disappointed you couldn't see such a feat with natural eyes. His smirk faded as he remember the last time you saw him, the acceptance of what had happened but the tranquil peace with the other option. The hatred of himself kept him going, a painful motivator to continue because being the monster no one understood what was the one thing he could say he was the absolute best at.

The speeder drifted to into a spot under a tree, you watched him climb up it with ease. You watched him stare into the distance then down at you, "See something you like?" he purred. Suddenly the image of him went black it was just a shadow in the tree. The shadowy images slammed into your mind as you stumbled back, your head threatening to split but in a flash it was gone and he was in front of you grabbing your wrist concern lacing every corner of his features, "Cyar'ika, what is it?"

"Shadows playing tricks, it spooked me," you tried to shrug off.

"A highly trained imperial lieutenant getting spooked?" he said arching an eyebrow, "unlikely."

You pulled your hands away from him, "You don't need to baby me, Commander," you snapped.

"I am looking after my subordinate," he sighed releasing you from his grasp.

You rolled your eyes at the comment. You weren't an idiot you could see it plain as day across his face that there was more to the story, "Are you going to cut the bantha crap and tell me?" you said narrowing your eyes at him.

"It means Darling," he said walking away, "Maybe you need real food."

A single eyebrow arched up but you followed after him contemplating if that was an answer to both questions or just one. While most of his statements had open ended meanings often alluding to more it wandered you if he ever gave direct answers. Taking in the surrounding, you noticed the lack of flora instead finding infrastructure scattered about with gigantic transport ships taking off. Silence clung to both of your voice boxes as you tried to dissect each other for who you were. There was something about him that felt like home but equally something that made every hair on your arm try to stand up, there was something eerie about him threatening to spill over but you couldn't place your finger on it. For as many speeders passed and ships took off the air was still crisp, cold upon entering your nostrils with just a hint of metallic scent lacing it. Somehow you started outpacing him, your feet leading you towards a semi run down building near the back edge of town. Corellian Well Cantina. It didn't ring any bells but somehow your feet knew where he was guiding you. You heard Crosshair make a small hmph noise as he stuck a fresh pick between his lips as he snatched an unused menu from the table behind the two of you. Watching as his slender hand pushed the menu towards you as his long fingers droned against the wood tabletop. Flipping threw the menu to appease him, you let your eyes steal glances over the top of the menu noticing him avoiding you as he took in the rest of the Cantina.

"Not having anything?" you asked nonchalantly putting the menu down notice he hadn't bothered to grab another.

"I order the same thing."

"Doesn't that get boring?"

"I like routines."

"Not very fun or adventurous," you smirked watching him take mild offense to the comment snatching the menu, "Wow maybe you're a little less boring," you teased further with a small laugh.

Crosshair's ears honed in on the beautiful sound, the corner of his mouth upturning that it was still the same. Playfully he took the pick of his mouth and flicked it at you, watching you attempt to swat it away but failing as it landed in your hair. He snatched it in the air as you tried to flick it back at him, "and maybe you're a little less forgetful then you seem," he poked emptily before flagging down the server who's surprised expression didn't go unnoticed as he ordered something new. It didn't surprise him as you ordered the same thing but he didn't say anything, "That sounds good," he offered handing the menu to the server dismissively. Interlacing his fingers, Crosshair made a rest for his chin as he continued to survey the cantina before returning his gaze back to you. "I'm glad you're alive."

"Thank you... Crosshair."

"What are you staring at?" He asked arching an eyebrow.

"Your tattoo."

Cautiously Crosshair leaned forward offering his eye, "Trace it," he tempted.

Your head pulled back in surprised but your finger tips already prickled moving towards the ink embedded flesh. Reflexively your hand found the side of his face, your thumb alone tracing the tattoo. Dark embers danced across his iris as you repeated the motion trying to recall anything but nothing came. You sighed and pulled your hand away watching a disappointed expression bloom across his features, "Sorry," you mumbled.

"You never need to apologize to me," he snapped before exhaling, "It was my fault anyway," he mumbled harshly.

"Sometimes it's hard to make the right decision in war."

"You've spent to much time with Commander Cody," a tiny light bulb went off in Crosshair's head. If I could just find Cody... Stop. You choose this. See it through. Crosshair's com went off opening it he found orders to check out an unscheduled landing. Growling he stood up, "Order's let's move." He watched as you drew two concealed blasters and handed him one. Smirking he took it, "Make that to go," he told the server.

You followed after him at a run as the two of you took off for the speeder. Barely having enough time to wrap your arms around his waist, he started the speeder and both of you were off. Your eyes honed in on the landed ship in the distance, "Them." Still keeping distance Crosshair shut off the bike letting it slide behind cover, he motioned for you to follow and slowly both of you approached the ship. Your eyes narrowed at him noting his weapon wasn't drawn on the traitors, your eyes glued themselves back to the ship skin prickling in anticipation.

"They know we're here," Crosshair whispered looking around finding Hunter in the distance glaring towards him, "Stay close."

However you didn't listen, you had orders. You heard his hiss to stay put but your feet kept moving on their own. The tempo of the drum in your chest kept speeding up until it reached your ears. Tiny movement of shadow in the near distance caught your eye and you moved closer to it finding it to be a person's silhouette. Trigger finger inching as every step made the shadow more defined, Echo.

Your name fell from his lips in shock as you lifted the blaster towards the center of his chest, "You're alive. What are you doing? We have to go."

"You're a traitor to the Empire, you are to be terminated."

Echo's eyes went wide at the statement as the trigger went off but he was already moving. "We have to go," Echo shouted into the com, "Something's wrong." For once his legs stayed under him as he moved putting as much distance as he could between you and him.

"Why is she shooting at us?" Wrecker said running off towards the ship dunking out of the way of the blaster fire.

Hunter heard it, a whisper under Crosshair's breath. Rage boiled in his blood, "The Empire implanted her with a chip." Experimenting on Clone's and now on Nat borns? This was personal to Empire to get us, it had to be. Was Crosshair in on it? His blaster is on stun and he's not genuinely aiming. Maybe not.

"I did not know that was possible," Tech said firing stun shots in your direction providing cover for the others  to get onto the ship.

In slow motion, Echo jumped onto the ramp as a shot finally landed on his shoulder as he turned to look at your rushing imagine towards them. No regret or hesitation in your eyes, just per dedication to your assignment. After his time as property of the Techno union, Echo came to learn he could still feel fear... and now it froze him. Wrecker scooped up the Corporal in one arm tossing him into the ship as the ramp started closing. "I'm fine," Echo said peeling his shoulder looking at the tiny graze feeling Omega's well practiced hand already placing a bacta patch on it. He slumped in his seat taking his helmet off, "We have to tell Rex what the Empire is now capable of if they ever get their hands on us."

"Well for us, the orders seem to be kill sight."

"Thanks Captain Obvious," Echo grumbled.

"I do understand your meaning. It is highly distressing that the Empire would go to such lengths."

"We changed things on Ryloth. The Empire will be coming for us for the damage we caused."

"We got your chips out, we can get hers out too!" Omega said looking at all of them pleadingly.

"Omega, we tried," Hunter said defeatedly, not capable of meeting her gaze, "We have to let her go, she's with the Empire now."

"We also do not know enough on the procedure if she could survive having the chip removed," Tech added, "You have to let her go."

"Would you want us to let you go?" Omega demanded glaring at Tech.

"Yes, if it was in the best interest of the squad. We all are prepared to make that sacrifice. So was she," Tech said turning to look at his sister, "She is with Crosshair. We have to trust whatever his personal ambitions and plans are - that they include her, he let us live on Ryloth, on Kamino and just now. We may not understand what is going through his mind but I choose to believe he is playing a long game none of us understand," Tech twisted back setting his focus back to flying.

"Did he say anything else?" Echo asked eyeing Hunter who also wouldn't meet his gaze. 

"To Run," Hunter admitted, "I don't trust him but she wasn't playing around. I believe he was right about the chip and to run."

Wrecker looked at Echo who returned his gaze with a nod upward, "She'll be home before you know it kid," Wrecker assured placing his huge hand on her petite shoulder, "Just gotta be patient." If she's breathin, she'll be coming home.

Blaster fire clung to the air but that didn't detour your anger. You mirrored him placing your hand on your hips glaring at him, "Why did you set it to stun! The order is to terminate them on sight."

"I haven't received any such order," Crosshair said spinning the blaster around his finger before handing it back, "I ordered you to stun, why didn't you obey?" he squinted.

"My orders go above you."

"I've been with you since you woke up, you haven't received any such order; lieutenant."

"The Emperor.." the pain on the side of your head started again, your hand moved to it defensively, "ordered it."

"Did he now?" Crosshair said slyly moving closer until he was on your toes looking down hovering his face mer inches away from yours feeling your warm breath against his neck. "Go back to the Cantina, eat. That is an order," he said seeing the approaching Imperial ship with reinforcements and more than likely command. Once again trying to think quickly of a way to cover this.

"Yes, sir." Reluctantly you turned and headed towards the speeder, looking at him one more time watching him shoo you with his hand as he turned towards the ship. Arriving back at the Cantina the table the two of had temporarily occupied was still vacant so you slide back into it. At first you attempted to eat slowly but it didn't last long with the craving in your core for the solid substance. Your stomach grumbled at the cramming of food. Leaning back in your seat you stared at the blasters tucked into your waist band and the empty heaviness weighting them down. You thought about the shock on their faces, had we spoken lately? Why would they assume I would go with them? However emptiness weighed in your chest, nothing towards them was felt not even a sliver of closeness. They were nothing, traitors. You were to caught up in your thoughts when Crosshair appeared wiping the corner of your mouth with a napkin. It made the area tingle where the napkin had touched, warmth creeping into your cheeks. Unfamiliar softness lined his features as he sat down slowly shifting back into the harden solider.

"How did it feel?" He asked flatly examining you with her perceptive gaze looking for any hit of memory.

"Feel?" You asked finding the void in his gaze.

"Shooting your best friend," he poked eyeing you with squinted eyes.

"I shot a traitor," you said matter of factly.

"You didn't always think like that," Crosshair mumbled looking down at his food, no longer feeling hungry with the unsettling feeling creeping through him that you were more gone then he anticipated. He took a few bits pushing the contents around with his fork before just closing the box. His gloved hand found the scarred webbing on the side of his head and his leg curled up to his chest, the activation of his chip had shook him to his core often haunting him in the dead of night. Abandoned by his brothers, forced to try to kill the family he'd ever known and accepted him, then to have them still question his loyalty and now this would be another ghost haunting him. Crosshair was aware of his cold demeanor and severe outlook on life but how much it had been amplified and changed him to be the perfect soldier, part of his humanity had been taken buried in a locked chest in the depths of his being just out of reach until the accident and having it once again just to lose the person who made him feel like life was worth continuing. His eyes moved sideways feeling your hand cover the one he had on the side of his head.

"It makes you self conscious."

"What do you know," he said harshly removing his hand forcing your hand to drop.

"I don't need to know, I just need to see," you watch his eyes lift off the table softly looking at you for a moment only tenderness to, "I'm sorry I don't remember you, I didn't even consider how difficult this is for you too."

"Hmm," he said digging out a pick and putting it in his mouth. His fingers moved to his pocket debating bearing the truth but decided against it letting his hand fall flat on the table. "It is," he decided to admit, "and agonizing." I am nothing but a clone. A soldier carrying out orders to serve the purpose I was created for but you were suppose to be my everything to give me a reason protect this galaxy but once again in the makers cruelty I am nothing to you too. You're so close but a galaxy away. "What," he stated seeing your eyes still on him.

"Ri.... Riduur," your lips quivered speaking the word, "What does it mean-."

"Don't ever say that word again... until you remember," Crosshair growled but that didn't cover the heart breaking expression on his face, "Feeling full," he quipped with a wink trying to change the conversation as he noticed the near empty box before you.

Your eyes widen at the abrupt switch before you rolled them, "Yes. You obviously aren't however," you said moving your hand looking at the barely eaten food, "Do I need to feed you?" you taunted his early words back at him.

Crosshair smirked handing you the fork in a silent challenge, watching as you took it and reopened his box of food. Genuine laughter filled his lungs after you put food on it and hovered it by his mouth. He took the bite and took the fork from your hand to continue to pick at the food himself. Pulling his data pad out he slide it across the table opening your file up, "Up to you." He waited as you read your file along with opening his.

"Why didn't you tell me?" you asked pushing the pad back towards him. No words could describe what it was like to read your life, at least parts of it that were on the record. It was looking in on a scene as a stranger in the distance realizing it was your scene but no matter how fast you ran towards it you couldn't touch it.

"I did."

"Poorly. Why is my service record blank for the past year?"

Kark. "Classified," Crosshair opted, "Same reason part of mine is."

Somehow that answer just make sense, "I was undercover with them. Wasn't I?" You thought about the look of shock and horror on their faces as you shot at them, deep down you knew that was correct answer. You had been with them. I didn't always think like that? Suspiciously you eyed Crosshair, was I traitor? No I would never betray the Empire but would he? Traitors get terminated.

"Classified."

Taking a sip of the water glass the server had brought over you continued to examine him over the rim of the glass, the way his nostrils barely move when he's breathing, the micro movements of his facial muscles when he moves and the depths of his eyes which look like they could swallow you alive and drag you into their dark depths. "I know." It was a game of cat and mouse, what could be said and what could not, if you were smart enough to read between the lines but never truly reveal the cards in either hand. "So... Crosshair, would do you like to do for fun?"

"Guess," he smiled interlacing his finger over the table going still as a statue waiting.

"Hmm," you tapped a finger on the table looking at him again, mentally going over his record and the limited time exposed to him, "Actually..." you paused to look up at him, "Show me one activity that you want me to only think of you during."

"Given your reaction earlier, I don't think you'll like it," Crosshair made the measly tab, motioning for you to follow him. The feel of your hands around his waist froze him for a moment, he looked down at your small arms wrapped around him taking a steadying breath. This is what I wanted, to be together... but we never seemed further apart.

You watched as the landscape faded behind you, the city melting into the distance as you continued to ride into no where. The feel of him against you felt natural, you rested the side of your face against his tensing back. The scent of leather, musk and smoke engulfed your senses and probably would have put you to sleep besides  knowing if you loosened your grip it would be a long way down. You tightened your grip a little adjusting how you sat hearing a small muffled growl from him, "Sorry," you mumbled a small wave of embarrassment hitting you.

"Just stop moving," he gritted trying to keep the tent from growing in his pants as your legs and core straddle and rub against him. Thankfully you had stopped moving giving him time to relax and breath. She's not mine, not now, he reminded himself. The rest of the trip was in blessed silence as he took both of you to a mountain side he had found on one of his days off trying to get away from the world to think and find peace in the new galaxy. Regs, the republic, the Jedi, that time is over. We'll be strong, united and unconquerable. Crosshair's agile legs swung first prying off the mode of transportation breaking free of the touching and containment of the embrace. Smirking he looked at you for a moment then up the cliff side, "Climb."

Climb? You watched as his hands and feet already found footing propelling himself up. It was just a momentary lapse, you did your best to psyche yourself up for the task before perusing him up the sharp climb. Pausing for a moment to catch your breath you watched his grace as his hands swiftly moved from one spot to another while his feet tested foot holes. Clone Commando's, you mumbled a sound he apparently caught as he stopped to glare.

"Care to say that again?" he threatened.

"You are designed to be nearly perfect," you offered, "Endured rigorous training to make this child's play to you."

"You use to be able to keep up," he grumbled waiting, "Glad this wasn't in the field, or we'd be dead," he huffed.

"If I'm dead weight then why wait for me?"

"To keep you from being dead."

Maybe it was the inflection in his nasally voice or the way he looked when he said it or maybe even the way he tried to safeguard your climb the rest of the way up but something in your chest echoed an unfamiliar flutter as you climbed up in onto the perch of the climb overlooking the nothingness. You saw his drawn in posed as he sat, this time no memories revealed themselves. The sun set darkened his eyes while shadowing the hollow cut of his cheeks.

"Beautiful," he stated looking out at the vastness of empty land, keeping you in his peripheral even as the evening haze begun to contour your features.

"Crosshair?" you asked quietly.

"Hmm?"

"Are you happy?" you asked the tooth pick nawing man as he continued to watch the world around him as if the universe in it's entirety existed in this single moment as he turned to look at you, pain lacing his features.

"People like me don't get happy endings."

Tags: @projectdreamwalker

[tennessoui]

i would for one would be interested in the extreme angst of Alaska AU

cw: sort of visceral grieving (of parent over lost child); very angsty

. . .

. . .

ok so i can't find the actual snippets in my (unorganized and frightening) google docs or notes app (lol) but it was mostly like this (sort of from memory and written directly into this ask so idk how good this will read but i very much remember some parts of this snippet tbh i think this is like. the closest ive ever come to not writing fanfiction ):

Obi-Wan doesn't think he was insane before his daughter died.

He remembers having a sound mind and a stable countenance. He was a writer, a blogger, a poor chef--though a chef nonetheless.

(A chef of boxed macaroni and cheese and cinnamon sugar toast. A chef of dinosaur nuggets and microscopic sized vegetables snuck into casseroles. A chef with a singular purpose, a singular audience.)

He would never have called himself a man of science, but he was a man of rationality at the very least. He found reason in everything around him. He did not always understand science nor math, but respected them as fundamental laws of the universe.

When Rey died, it was the rational part of himself that first followed her into the grave.

Three months after they bought her coffin and two and three-fourths after they buried her, the weather turned unseasonably cold. Obi-Wan woke up in the middle of the night halfway to a panic attack. They had buried her in a summer dress.

Years later, when the pain of the loss was incrementally easier to bear, he would write:

You do not spend nine years of your life fretting over whether or not your child will be cold just to turn that instinct off the moment they are no longer susceptible to the elements. After my daughter died, I spent countless nights awake wondering if she was cold there beneath the ground. We had not thought to bury her in her red winter coat, and it haunted my dreams. She would be cold without it. Children have horrible control of their body temperature. You must bundle them up, and the idea that we hadn't when we buried her drove me to insanity.

The first time it rained after her funeral, I saw her yellow rain boots lined up by our front door as I was leaving. I sat on our front porch stoop and sobbed for what must have been hours, thinking only of the water that would eventually, inevitably seep through the wood cracks of the coffin and wet her toes. Before, when a sudden rainstorm blew in, as they were wont to do in our town, I would pick her up and put her on my shoulders should we be caught out of the house sans rain boots. She hated the feeling of wet socks and cold toes, so I spared her the sensation.

That I had forgotten about the rain when we gave a set of her clothes to the mortician was unforgivable. Sitting on the porch that day, I felt a weight on my shoulders, like she was still perched atop me, trusting me to carry her over all the more dangerous and distasteful parts of the sidewalk.

I hadn't, and so she was cold. Her toes were wet. She was shivering. A child needs to be bundled up. It is one of the first things a parent learns should they take a class on the parenting, and I took many. A child must be bundled up, or they become cold.

I could not shake the idea that she was cold in her casket. Logically, I knew that whatever constituted my daughter was long gone. Her soul, her spirit, her conscience--whichever. She was not what we buried. Rationally, I knew that. But logic and reason have no starring role to play in grief. Guilt and blame and hysteria take the stage.

I could not shake this last failure. I could not forgive myself for it; I could not forgive my wife. When the weather began to turn cold once more, I packed my things and moved to the coldest place I could find. As a parent, one knows this: if you cannot cure your child of their ailment, you will weather it with them however you can.

[shion-yu]

Day 8: Hospital Bed (alt)

TW major angst warning and talk of chronic/terminal illness. We know Cliff gets his happy ending, but here’s a pre-transplant snapshot. 1,169 words, for @sicktember.

Unlike in the movies, there’s not really a sound as medication drips steadily into the half filled IV chamber. Maybe if it was totally, utterly silent, one could hear something. But in the hospital it’s never truly silent. There’s always the buzzes and beeps of machines, people’s voices near and far in the hallways and different rooms regardless of the time of day, the hiss of oxygen and SCD pumps. The staff never sleeps, and often neither can the patients. Cliff thinks he’s forgotten what real silence sounds like. 

He’s been here for two months now, give or take a few days. He’s honestly lost count. All he cares about is that the last time he saw his baby girl was on Christmas, and then it all goes dark for a few weeks. Elliot says it was sudden: he ran a fever that night at Christmas dinner and Elliot drove them home from his parents house in Long Island before desert came out. By midnight Cliff had had a seizure, and by the next morning he was so sick that Elliot thought he was going to die. Cliff nearly did die. 

Aspergillosis is the name of the fungal infection that threw their life into turmoil in the blink of an eye. It made its home in Cliff’s lungs, nestling itself in his already scarred lungs and then destroying what was left of them. They managed to get it under control - a miracle in itself, one doctor claimed - but Cliff would not be leaving the hospital without a new pair of lungs. It turns out that finding a match for a half-Japanese, half-Scottish, O-neg blood type was difficult even with a world famous doctor for a father.

Cliff FaceTimes Mia every day, but it’s not anywhere near the same as being at home with her. He knows she’s confused, she’s only just three after all and Cliff despises that he’s rocked her world more than anything else. He’s been her primary caretaker for her entire life, and now suddenly he’s not able to even give her a hug. 

Elliot tells her that daddy is sick, and she asks when will he get better? Elliot can’t bring himself to answer that. 

Lying in his hospital bed all day, staring blankly at the TV, Cliff often forgets what he’s waiting for. They might never find a donor for him, and in that case what was it all for? To be separated from his family for the last months of his life, filled with regret over time he didn’t get to spend with them? But Elliot reminds him finding a donor means it won’t be the last few months at all. Rather, it could be the beginning of a whole new chapter of their life. And sure, that’s true, Cliff thinks. He just can’t guarantee whether it will become a reality, and that’s the hard part.

He’s trying to keep his hopes up, though. He smiles for Mia and sings with her every night because she loves to sing, just like Elliot. He asks her everything she learned in preschool every day, keeps up with who her best friend is that week, and tells her she’s the most intelligent, funny, smart little girl in the world. When she asks him when he’s coming home, he always says, “Soon,” because he can’t break both of their hearts by saying ‘Someday, maybe, I don’t know.’ 

Elliot visits every other day, more or less. He’s busy  being a working single parent, unexpectedly nonetheless. He always looks exhausted, and although they don’t love each other any less Cliff knows it’s hard for Elliot to look at him sometimes. To see him wasting away, waiting; for the same reason, sometimes Elliot can’t seem to look away. No matter what he looks sad. Cliff hates himself for being the cause of that sadness. He doesn’t know what else to do though when he’s confined to this room and these halls which all look the same.

He does have one friend on the unit, Al. But Al’s not always there. Unlike Cliff, he comes in and out depending on how well he’s doing at the moment. Cliff selfishly wishes he was always there to be a familiar face, but if Al is lucky enough to be able to leave then Cliff will try to be happy for him. 

The nurses are nice, and really sharp for the most part. But it’s obviously not the same as having a life outside of this place. It’s not the same as being home with Mia and watching her grow, hugging her, feeling the spark of life emanate off her rather than the static of crappy WiFi in the hospital. He wants out. He wants out so badly.

When Elliot visits him that evening, Cliff is sullen and withdrawn. Elliot doesn’t try to cheer him up, instead simply sits on the bed and helps Cliff clean up a bit because he hasn’t been doing it himself all day. He brushes Cliff’s hair, untangling the little mats at the back that always form. He helps Cliff take a shower and brush his teeth, changes the sheets, tidies the supplies lying around, and then they settle onto the clean bed together and Elliot rests his head on Cliff’s shoulder. They don’t talk much. Cliff’s sad, Elliot’s tired. There’s no point in pretending it’s something different.

“I miss Mia,” Cliff whispers. “And Clover. I miss home.” 

“I know,” Elliot says. “I miss you being there, too.”

“I don’t know how much longer I can wait,” Cliff says. “I’m sorry.”

Elliot takes his hand and squeezes it. “You just have to,” he says simply. “For us.”

“This summer,” Cliff says. “I’m coming home this summer.”

It’s only February now. Summer seems like a long way away. Cliff doesn’t think it’s unreasonable. Six months of waiting, if he can last that long at all. If it doesn’t happen by then, he wants to spend the rest of the time at home with his family.

To Cliff’s surprise, Elliot says, “Okay. We’ll talk about it.”

He doesn’t cry, even though Elliot usually would. Maybe he’s too tired to cry, Cliff thinks. Maybe he’s thinking the same thing. They give it more than a good shot, but if it’s not going to happen, why stay here in isolation? It’d be like spending the last months of your life in jail.

Cliff feels guilty for bringing it up, but it’s been something he’s wanted to say for many days now. To make it feel just a bit more hopeful, he squeezes Elliot’s hand back and says, “Hopefully we won’t have to talk about it.” Elliot nods. Cliff kisses the top of his head. Elliot’s hair smells like Mia’s strawberry scented baby shampoo. He closes his eyes and imagines he was in his favorite place - in their bed, cuddling with both of them. One way or another, he tells himself, he’ll get that again. He has to.

Summer seems a long way away.

[lovechai]

" my youth is in your past / you'll always have that / and though it didn't last / i hope our paths cross again " - NIKI, Paths

When the night sky is clearest as ever, the moon is waning, and the chill breeze wafts through the window curtains, the stars seem to burn brighter across the heavens in her eyes.

By the window in her dimly lit room, Satsuki looks up at the shining flecks in the sky, marking each and every of these stars in her wandering mind. Some shine on their own, some among others. And then, somewhere in what seems to be the darkest part of the skies, there are two stars twinkling side by side. 

Has everything that happened between them written in the stars?

Having met as cheerful and wide-eyed children, to being a part of one another’s highs and lows until high school days, to suddenly having to face the bittersweet truth that the two of them have already grown apart.

Is it even of any use to explain such things through planets and stars? Up to this day, Satsuki can’t find any words to reason through it.

After all, the truth was a big wave hovering over them ever since, waiting for the exact moment to crash down and drown them with the earth-shattering reality that perhaps everything is too late.

And yet she still can’t help herself from looking for his deep blue eyes whenever she comes across a friend from middle school and high school. Her head unconsciously whips towards the way where there are sounds of a basketball dribbling and shoes thudding across the pavement. Everything seems to remind her.

As if she can ever forget. Satsuki remembers his mother telling her that God will always listen to her calls and pain when she had been crying about a guy in their family living room. She remembers how he frowned visibly at his mother’s sudden intrusion and how his reaction got her to laugh for the first time that day. 

She remembers everything. And yet God had seemingly forgotten what to do when she was praying for him at death’s door.

It is one thing losing someone so dear to you and another when it all happens amidst the rough.

Questions are left unanswered. Bleeding wounds are gouged out. There is no one to argue with anymore. No one to give the silent treatment to. No one to resolve things with.

And so they say that time heals all. Years have already passed since she lost him. It might have gotten easier as the pain has become a numb, hollow sensation. Some wounds have become scars, while some open out of nowhere, leaving her to change the bloodied bandages on her own.

But being reminded by the stars is not her reopening another. She believes she will get there someday; Satsuki believes that somewhere in the stars out there, their paths will cross again, and that thought is enough.

note : i think i'm back? sorry if the writing seemed kinda rough since i wrote it to get myself back into writing (while also listening to niki's new album !!) i have so much in store because of the ideas ive been getting from songs and real life experiences (lmao) and i'm excited to share them with yall : )

[supercantaloupe]

y'know i saw la boheme again last night and as it always does it got me thinking about rent and the relationship between them. this time specifically two things:

rodolfo has a line in act iii where he says "poverty is killing her" (or it was translated as such in the production i saw). which is interesting considering how pointed the poverty is for the characters in rent, and how much more directly it kills them, considering that wealth could grant you access to actual medical care like antiretrovival drugs and rehab -- things which the characters who survive do in fact make use of -- in the time of rent's setting, but while wealth could certainly grant someone a more comfortable life in the setting of la boheme, neither wealth nor poverty were going to make a meaningful difference in, like, the fact of being infected with tuberculosis. that rent is somehow both a tragedy of addiction and of illness (and how romantic poverty is tied into those things) rather than just the latter is yet another symptom of one of its main problems, that being trying to do/say too much all at once. also the characters who are addicts and HIV+ survive, but not the character who is only HIV+, when the opposite is true of those character's analogues in boheme. i don't know what to make of that; i doubt it was intended to be meaningful but, still, curious.

colline has that whole aria where he sings to his coat to praise it and thank it for everything before selling it off to care for mimi on her deathbed in act iv. of course no such analogous song exists in rent but it's kind of odd now that i think about it that collins still has a coat that's of some focus (when it gets stolen right at the top of the show, when angel tries to buy him a new one in christmas bells). i feel like the parallel of both colline and collins having Notable Coat Moments is intentional -- it's just too much to be a coincidence -- yet at the same time in rent it doesn't seem to amount to anything. at best you might get collins clutching his coat during i'll cover you reprise/the angel's funeral sequence as a symbol of what he lost, i suppose. which is nice in its way but doesn't give the audience much new to understand from collins as a character, and the whole coat as a symbol doesn't get carried through that much of the show overall. whereas colline in boheme is a much less important and more comic relief character for most of his stage time, so his sudden turn to the serious (yet still, in its way, light) with the coat aria shows us a new side of him we've not seen before, like how musetta selling her jewelry to honor mimi's dying wish shows us a different side of musetta than we've seen all show.

[inevitablemoment]

The Pact (Book #1 in the Claridge Court series) Playlist

i. let's get together (hayley mills)

let's get together, yeah yeah yeah // think of all that we could share // let's get together, everyday // every way and everywhere // and though we haven't got a lot // we could be sharing all we've got.

ii. love alone (katelyn tarver)

it’s on the line // i’m waiting for a sign // i see it in your eyes, i // i know you really feel the same

iii. if only (dove cameron)

a million thoughts in my head // should i let my heart keep listenin'? // 'cause up till now // I've walked the line // nothing lost, but something missin'

iv. i belong to me (suzan erens)

i'm here when you need me // i live and i die with you // to share all your troubles // i'll laugh and i'll cry with you

v. belle [reprise] (susan egan)

i want adventure in the great wide somewhere // i want it more than i can tell // and for once, it might be grand // to have someone understand // i want so much more than they've got planned

vi. you'll never walk alone (celtic woman)

at the end of the storm // there's a golden sky // and the sweet silver song of the lark

vii. ready for a miracle (fiona kernaghan)

if you could be anything you want // would you play nonchalant // or loosen up those tight heartstrings?

viii. kind of woman (rachel bay jones)

i've no special glamour // no bait I can twirl // for I'm just a plain everyday // commonplace come-what-may // average ordinary wonderful girl!

ix. london boy (taylor swift)

you know I love a London boy // i enjoy nights in brixton, shoreditch in the afternoon // he likes my american smile, like a child when our eyes meet // darling, i fancy you

x. [i love you] for sentimental reasons (linda ronstadt)

i think of you every morning // dream of you every night // darling i'm never lonely // whenever you're in sight

xi. l-o-v-e (nat king cole)

love is all that i can give to you // love is more than just a game for two // two in love can make it // take my heart and please don't break it

xii. one moment more (mindy smith)

oh, please don't go // let me have you just one moment more // oh, all I need // all I want is just one moment more // you've got to hold me and keep me now

More under the cut

xiii. so this is love (ilene woods & mike douglas)

i'm all aglow // and now i know (and now i know) // the key to all heaven is mine

xiv. love story [taylor's version] (taylor swift)

romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone // i'll be waiting // all there's left to do is run // you'll be the prince and i'll be the princess // it's a love story // baby, just say yes

xv. the shoop shoop song [it’s in his kiss] (linda ronstadt)*

does he love me? i wanna know // how can i tell if he loves me so?

xvi. lovely, lonely man (sally ann howes)*

how did he touch my heart? // how did this feeling start? // this glow that feels so warm inside // this sudden summer storm inside

xvii. she's in love (cast of the little mermaid on broadway)

she's in love, she's in love // see her blush, see her grin // got to be love she's in

xviii. i won't send roses (robert preston)

i won’t send roses or hold the door // i won’t remember which dress you wore // and should I love you, you would be the last to know // i won’t send roses and roses suit you so

xix. i promise you a happy ending (robert preston)

i promise you a happy ending // like the ones that you see on the screen // so if you’ve had a bad beginning // love will come out winning in the closing scene // i can promise you a happy ending // that has you, loving me, loving you

xx. starlight [taylor's version] (taylor's swift)

don't you see the starlight // don't you dream impossible things?

xxi. uptown girl (billy joel)

uptown girl // you know I've seen her in her uptown world // she's getting tired of her high class toys // and all the presents from her uptown boys // she's got a choice

xxii. la vie en rose (cristin milioti)

hold me close and hold me fast // the magic spell you cast // this is la vie en rose

xxiii. doll on a music box/truly scrumptious reprise (sally ann howes & dick van dyke)*

you cannot see // how much i long to be free // turning around on this music box // that’s wound by a key

xxiv. mine [taylor's version] (taylor swift)

do you remember we were sitting there by the water? // you put your arm around me for the first time // you made a rebel of a careless man’s careful daughter // you are the best thing that’s ever been mine

xxv. a million dreams (p!nk)

however big, however small // let me be part of it all // share your dreams with me // we may be right, we may be wrong // but I wanna bring you along // to the world I see

xxvi. tightrope (michelle williams)

but I’d follow you to the great unknown // off to a world we call our own

xxvii. so close (jon mclaughlin)

oh, how i could i face // the faceless days // if i should lose you now // we're so close to reaching that famous happy ending // almost believing this one's not pretend // let's go on dreaming, though we know we are // So close // So close // And still // So far

xxviii. wildest dreams [taylor's version] (taylor swift)

say you'll remember me // standin' in a nice dress // starin' at the sunset, babe // red lips and rosy cheeks // say you'll see me again // even if it's just in your // wildest dreams

xxix. love song (matthew james thomas & rachel bay jones)

private little jokes and silly pet names // lavender soap and lotions // all of the cliches and all of the games // and all of the strange emotions // singing a love song

xxx. i guess i'll miss the man (rachel bay jones)

i guess i'll miss the man // explain it if you can // his face was far from fine // but still I'll miss his face // and wonder if he's missing mine

xxxi. top of the world (michael arden, ciara renee, and ensemble)

for all these years // you've stayed alone // and free from danger // we shared your fears // it wasn't safe to trust a stranger // but maybe we were wrong here // could she belong here?

xxxii. ocean away (barlow & bear, ft. darren criss)*

am i the one to blame // when we’re dancing in the same room // but you’re an ocean away

xxxiii. if i loved you (joey richter & mariah rose faith casillas)*

if i loved you, you would know it // if i loved you, i would show it // if i loved you like you should be loved // loved you like i'm capable of // if you were the one i'm thinking of, whoa-oh // oh, babe

xxxiv. hopelessly devoted to you (olivia newton-john)

but now // there's nowhere to hide // since you've pushed my love aside // i'm out of my head // hopelessly devoted to you // hopelessly devoted to you

xxxv. tonight i celebrate my love for you (roberta flack & peabo bryson)

tonight, i celebrate my love for you // and that midnight sun // is gonna come shinin' through // tonight, there'll be no distance between us // what i want most to do // is to get close to you

xxxvi. written in the stars (elton john & leann rimes)

you are all i'll ever want // but this, i am denied // sometimes, in my darkest thoughts // i wished i never learned // what it is to be in love // and have that love returned

xxxvii. a whole new world (peabo bryson & regina belle)

a whole new world // a new fantastic point of view // no one to tell us no // or where to go // or say we're only dreaming

xxxviii. delicate (taylor swift)

my reputation's never been worse, so // you must like me for me

xxxix. 'tis the damn season (taylor swift)

there's an ache in you put there by the ache in me // but if it's all the same to you // it's the same to me

xl. dorothea (taylor swift)

if you're ever tired of bein' known // for who you know // you know // you'll always know me

xli. in whatever time we have (darius dehaas & kelli rabke)

from this day forward, nights won’t seem so black // from this day forward, we will never look back // in whatever time we have // we will make the most of time // and at least we’ll be together // in whatever time we have

xlii. never knew i needed (cassandra steen)

i must admit you were not a part of my book // but now if you open it up and take a look // you’re the beginning and the end // of every chapter

xliii. say you won't let go (james arthur)

i'll wake you up with some breakfast in bed // i'll bring you coffee with a kiss on your head // i'll take the kids to school // wave them goodbye // and i'll thank my lucky stars for that night

xliv. ours [taylor's version] (taylor swift)

and it's not theirs to speculate // if it's wrong, and // your hands are tough // but they are where mine belong in // i'll fight their doubt and give you faith // with this song for you

xlv. electric touch [taylor's version] (taylor swift)

all i know // is this could either break my heart or bring it back to life // got a feelin' your electric touch // could fill this ghost town // up with light

xlvi. enchanted [taylor's version] (taylor swift)

and this is me praying that // this was the very first page // not where the storyline ends // my thoughts will echo your name // until i see you again

xlvii. far longer than forever (liz callaway & howard mcgillin)

sure as the dawn brings the sunrise // we've an unshakable bond // destined to last for a lifetime and beyond

xlviii. karma (taylor swift)

ask me what i learned from all those years // ask me what i earned from all those tears // ask me why so many fade // but I'm still here

xlix. something good (julie andrews & christopher plummer)

somewhere in my wicked miserable past // there must have been a moment of truth // for here you are, standing there, loving me // whether or not you should // so somewhere in my youth or childhood // i must have done something good

l. lover [first dance remix] (taylor swift)

my heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue // all's well that ends well to end up with you // swear to be overdramatic // and true to my lover

li. evermore (josh groban)

i let her steal into my melancholy heart // it's more than i can bear // now i know she'll never leave me // even as she runs away

li. cruel summer (taylor swift)

snuck in through the garden gate // every night that summer just to seal my fate // and i screamed for whatever it's worth // "i love you, ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?!"

liii. you are the reason [duet version] (calum scott & leona lewis)

if i could turn back the clock // i'd make sure the light defeated the dark // and spend every hour of everyday // keeping you safe

liv. come to your senses (alexandra shipp & vanssa hudgens)

i finally open up // for you, i would do anything // but you turn off the volume // just when i've begun to sing

lv. if i never knew you (michael crawford & sherie rene scott)

i thought our love would be so beautiful // somehow we'd make the whole world bright // i thought our love would be so beautiful // we'd turn the darkness into light // But still my heart is saying we were right

lvi. promises (reeve carney & eva noblezada)

i don't need gold, don't need silver // just bread when i’m hungry // fire when I’m cold // don't need a ring for my finger // just need a steady hand to hold // don’t promise me fair sky above // don't promise me kind road below // just walk beside me, love // any way the wind blows

lvii. paper rings (taylor swift)

i like shiny things // but i’d marry you with paper rings

lviii. [this will be] an everlasting love (natalie cole)

you brought a lot of a sunshine in to my life // you filled me with happiness I never knew // you gave me more joy than I ever dreamed of // and no one, no one can take the place of you

lix. at the beginning (donna lewis & richard marx)

life is a road and i want to keep going // love is a river i want to keep flowing // in the end i want to be standing // at the beginning with you

lx. ever ever after (carrie underwood)

no wonder your heart feels it's flying, your head feels it's spinning // each happy ending's a brand new beginning // let yourself be enchanted, you just might break through // to ever ever after

[austriansoldierofmisfortune]

Red Thread of Fate - Part IV

That day, she was to give a seminary for a psychology conference in a hotel downtown, presenting her new book and new techniques for combat veterans in a therapeutic setting. She got ready and headed out of her hotel room. The seminary went faster than expected, and she was tired, but proud of what she had accomplished, feeling confident about her soaring career. She sat at the bar by the lobby by herself, She was lost in thought as she poured a glass of wine, sipping slowly as the day’s events washed over her. When all of a sudden, entering the lounge...there was him.

Their eyes met.

Five years had gone by without him in her life, and suddenly he was back. But he was not the same man she met all those years ago.

His face was lined like a map, his eyes deep and troubled. In some ways, he was even more handsome than the last time she saw him, but the years and the struggles had taken their toll.

His gaze met hers and they stared at each other for seemingly forever, neither knowing what to say.

"...König? "

- "...Lorena? "

He took a step forward, a million thoughts running through his mind as he tried to understand this turn of events. She was there in the lobby, right in front of him. After all that time, fate had brought them back together.

If this was a dream, then he didn’t want to wake up.

"What...what are you doing here? " He asked.

- "I could...ask the same. " She replied, surprised, repressing the break in her voice. As she was fighting with herself to give him a hugged, she cleared her throat. "I am teaching a seminary on PTSD here. What about you? "

- "The same... " He sounded unsure. "I have a seminar too... ". He took another step forward, his heart racing now. "So this is not a dream...you are real? " He could almost feel his mind racing to a moment in his life that he had tried to forget. Yet here she was, right in front of him. His face softened as he remembered how sweet and caring she had been all those years ago, and a smile crept across his face. "I cannot believe it’s really you... "

She touched his cheek, taking in the sight of his face, how the struggles of the last few years showed on his skin. "I am real...I am so glad to see you again, König...Alive. " She gave in and hugged him.

"Alive... " His voice cracked as she took him in her arms. Years of grief and regret had been building up inside him, but now, the dam was broken. She could feel tears rolling down his face as he pressed himself into her embrace. There was just too much to say and so little time. "I’m sorry. " He whispered, his voice strained with emotion "I didn’t mean to stay away so long, but- " The words seemed to stuck in his throat as his eyes met hers.

- "I know. I heard...I was so scared... " She replied quietly, holding him tighter. "I wanted to wait for you. I couldn’t, I’m so sorry... "

She waited for me? She waited all these years for me? He was shocked. No one ever had cared enough to wait for him before. His resolve was crumbling, he didn’t know how to process all these new feelings and emotions that threatened to drown him.

Why did you wait for me? Why didn’t you give up on me?

The thought swirled in his mind but he didn’t dare speak it. Instead, he kept his eyes fixed on her, a quiet intensity in his gaze.

"You wanted me to smile for you...I wanted to hear you call me Mein Schatz again... " She said softly.

- "My treasure " He repeated to himself "My treasure... "

He stepped forward, closing the gap between them. "Lorena. " He said, his voice hushed as he cupped her chin with his hand. "Do...do you know how many nights I spent dreaming of this moment? "

- "You did…? " She replied in a breath. "I thought...after all you’ve been through...my smile and our sessions would have been buried too deep, that you’d have found comfort somewhere else... " She added, almost whispering, studying his face, caressing his cheek, as if he was a work of art.

- "No. Never. " He said in a soft voice, his gaze holding hers. "Even in my darkest moments, I remembered our sessions. I remembered you, Lorena. You’re the reason I’ve made it this far... "

He slowly pulled her closer, his body trembling slightly, her face a sight for sore eyes. "All this time...you have been waiting for me to come back to you. To call you my treasure once more... "

The words were intoxicating.

Her face came closer, and as foreheads touched, tears fell. She let out a trembling sigh. "I thought you died out there... "

- "I didn’t die. I lived so I could see you again ". One of his hands slowly made its way behind her hair, gently stroking it as if he was in a dream. He never wanted this moment to end. This was all a dream, it had to be. He couldn’t believe that he was alive, with her in his arms, feeling her hair and breathing in her scent. He didn’t want to wake up.

"I need you to promise me something, Lorena... "

- "Anything, as long as you call me Mein Schatz again... " She replied with a soft smile, wiping her tears.

-"Oh, trust me, you will be my precious Schatz for the rest of our days. "

He tilted her head back ever so slightly and planted a long, lingering kiss on her lips. It was as if time had stopped completely, all the world around him fading away until it was just the two of them locked in the moment.

Time seemed to pass slowly as the kiss broke, his eyes locked on hers.

"You taste like heaven, Lorena. "

His words were filled with longing as he leaned back, still holding her in his arms.

Her reply came without words as she softly kissed him back, tenderly her tongue slid inside his mouth. It was the kiss that was stolen from them, five years ago, the kissed that she had fantasized about so many times.

[maeve-is-annoying-about-books]

House of Leaves, Chapter 21

What the FUCK, Johnny!?

What is this clusterfuck of a chapter? He's bouncing around timelines like a pro wrestler does off the ropes. I cannot tell in the slightest what he is actually trying to say with all this. What's real and what isn't. There's so much self-contradiction, so many pokes of him admitting his own lying...

I feel like it's counterproductive to examine this chapter directly. I think the more important question is: "What is Johnny to the story?" The answer to that can inform our views on this chapter and help pick, or maybe apply one truth to him. Ive had a few thoughts about what he is where the story is concerned so... let's go over them one by one.

Johnny as Johnny

Let's assume that Johnny is exactly what he's presented as, just a party guy who was given the Navidson Record. It does paint a rather Victorian sort of horror, no? I mean Johnny kind of is like a Victorian Gothic protag, he speaks in long, purple prose unbefitting his supposed station and goes mad about a house. He cleaves to the story, it overwhelms and consumes him until nothing is left. No wonder his entries get ever more unhinged. I mean it's neat, it's almost like a warning to me, the reader, to not take the Navidson Record as anything more than a scary story, lest I end up like Mr. Truant. It's also the explanation I think I like the least, it doesn't feel quite right. Like a note played outside its chord.

Johnny as Zampanò's Character

Y'know it's not like we have any proof Johnny's real or anything. I had this thought as I was going through some odds and ends that Johnny's interludes might just be another part of Zampanò;s work. There was no Truant who received a trunk full of papers, it's just another character the old man made up in order to frame the story correctly. I mean Johnny is a good framing tool, the Navidson Record itself isn't terribly scary until you notice the maddening effect it has on its supposed caretaker. The idea that the house is crawling out of the pages. All of a sudden a reading of Chapter 21 is that of an author trying to write a fitting end to his Victorian creation before finally admitting he can't. However, this reading is also closely tied to another one...

Johnny as the author

There's a phrase here that paints Johnny as the author of House of Leaves. He goes to a bar, buys a band a beer, he notices his book with them. Of course, another moment of delusion, maybe, but Johnny does have the scent of an author about him. Especially in this chapter. The writing, the rewriting, the struggles to make something meaningful at the end and hating all your outcomes. Suddenly all his struggles in the margins and interludes are more about a weary, worn writer being overtaken by his own work because that's what the job demands of him. He sees this thing in his mind and must make it, no matter how deleterious the effects.

Johnny as the child

This last story Johnny tells, about the child, made me wonder briefly if he was that child. It was an errant thought but it was one that stuck. that he became a miracle, living through this severe birth defect. Maybe it made his reality shaky. Maybe it makes him an unreliable narrator in some regards. And maybe this story at the end is him wondering if it would have been a mercy if he had just let go back then. Maybe he's not even the child in a literal sense, either the story is embellished or its all a metaphor, but this last musing really stings of a man asking why he is there. Wishing anyone would tell him it's okay not to be.

That was my final reading when I went to bed last night. But this morning I had a new one that I feel is right by virtue of theme.

Johnny as the Minotaur

For all the work the Navidson Record does to paint Holloway as the Minotaur, I don't think he's the intended target. No, there's someone else lost in the maze here. I can almost feel Danielewski's, not Zampanò's, hand making up Johnny and sticking him here in these winding passages. Johnny is utterly trapped in the book on like, three different levels. It was made for him. He's the bull-faced man who was denied his father's love for being what he is. I see it in how the Navidson Record swallows him whole. I see it in how trapped within his own mind Johnny is. I see that reading in the figurative sense, being strung and bogged down with the task of creation, how your own mind can become a maze of choice.

All routes lead to the same conclusions, Johnny is in the labyrinth and he isn't meant to get out. And the real thing tat gets me is that I don't know if he belongs there, or if it was built for him, or what have you. But I think this is the interpretation of Johnny's role I'm most interested in, at the time of writing.

[t0wnspersonb]

Twin Bed (Tsukishima Kei x Reader)

Anonymous said:

are u taking requests rn? 🥺 ive read ur tsukki fics and i know to myself ur the only one who can write this request amazingly: tsukki sneaking in to his s/o’s room at night bc he misses her and he saw how cute she is in her pajamas but couldnt help getting turned on as well bc she is wearing shorts and an oversized shirt it also didnt help that her bed is for one person only ;) UR AN AMAZING AUTHOR AND NEVER STOP WRITING TSUKKI OR HAIKYUU SCENARIOS COS THE PPL NEED U

~~~

Word Count: 2,475

Rated: Explicit

Warnings: SMUT, my shit writing, bad language

~~~

Yoooo this is was legit so fun to write lmao. I hope I did your request justice anon and I appreciate your kind words!!! I know I have other requests sitting in my inbox and I will try and to get to them soon. I might be a bit inactive the next couple of weeks, I will be going vacation (I definitely fucking need it lol) this week and then I start classes again. RIP. I hope you guys enjoy this one and let me know what you think!:) I literally am at a lost for words with how amazing you guys are and how unproblematic you guys have been considering the bullshit that’s been going around in the community. I just want to reiterate that this is a safe and fun place for everyone, it is never my intention to make anyone uncomfortable and if I do please let me know so that I can apologize correctly for it! But to make things clear I will not tolerate any fuckery on this blog, I don’t have the energy nor the patience to deal with shit like that. We are all capable of being decent human beings to each other. No drama, no bullshit, just a fun and safe place for everyone that wants to be part of it. ANYWAY, enough of my ranting, please enjoy this filth and my shit writing lmao 😘😘😘💕💕💕💕

~~~

You frowned slightly as you looked at your phone, your eyes squinting against the harshness of the light. 

 Tsukishima had texted you, multiple times - at two in the morning - in fact. While you dearly adored your boyfriend of only five months, you didn’t exactly adore the fact that he woke you up at this time.

 Especially considering you had to be up in about five hours to get ready for an exam.

 You sighed through your nose as you tugged your blankets from your body and made your way to your door. 

 “Kei… it’s two in the morning…” You yawned, looking up at your tall boyfriend with sleepy eyes. “The dorm manager is going to get mad at me if she catches you here.” 

 “Well let’s not get caught then.” he drawled out, gold eyes flickering over your body. A blonde eyebrow arched up; “is that my shirt?”

 You blinked at him for a moment, not fully registering what he had just asked before a soft blush began to coat your cheeks.

 You were definitely wearing one of his shirts, a green Sendai Frogs shirt that was way too big for your body, given his tall stature. He had left the shirt at your dorm two weeks ago, and naturally you wore it to bed almost every night. 

 “No.” You said in a small voice, carefully playing with your fingers as you looked up at him through your lashes.

 A soft blush covered Tsukishima’s cheeks before he scoffed, his slender fingers reaching up to push his glasses back up his nose. “You’re a terrible liar. Looks good on you though.” he said, brushing past you to get into your room.

 You turned to see him plop himself onto your bed, and you couldn’t help but stare. It was a strange sight to see to say the least. His 6’4 frame was just a tad out of place in your room, especially sitting on your incredibly small bed. But more so he was out of place because, well, your boyfriend was beautiful. It was like a Greek god decided to pay you a secret visit before the sun came up, ready to disappear at any moment. 

 Tsukishima’s hair was tousled perfectly, the tight black shirt he wore complimented him perfectly, emphasizing his broad shoulders and thick biceps. You felt your mouth go dry as you realized that he was wearing grey sweatpants, clinging low on his hips.

 How could someone look so good at two in the morning?

 “Are you just going to stare at me the entire time?” He called out, his back leaning against the wall your bed was pushed up against, his phone in hand. 

 “You’re the one that wanted to come over.” you frowned, locking your door before making your way towards the bed. “You’re taking up all the space.” You whined. 

 He rolled his eyes before his long legs parted, creating a space on the bed. “Come here.” 

 You felt your face burn even more, a strange shyness overtaking you at the intimate position he wanted you in. 

 It wasn’t like you had never been close to Tsukishima before, you guys had been intimate, many times... but then why were you so nervous all of a sudden?

 “What are you waiting for?” he asked, a blonde eyebrow quirked up.

 “Shut up.” you grumbled, carefully climbing over one of his long legs. You settled yourself against him, your upper body fitting easily between his legs, your back resting against his stomach and your head gently pressing into his strong chest.

 Resting against Tsukishima was far better than resting in your tiny bed. 

 One of his arms carefully wrapped around your waist, his large hand gently pressing against your stomach, the other hand held his phone in front of both of you, a volleyball game overtaking the screen.

 It was silent for a moment, both of you absorbed in the video. It had only been fifteen minutes into the game when Tsukishima began looking over your body. His gold eyes taking in your bare legs before flickering up. He zeroed in on the exposed skin of your hip, the shirt you wore had been pulled up slightly. 

 He swallowed thickly, arousal beginning to spike in his blood. Christ, it wasn’t like you were naked right now; it wasn’t like you were wearing anything incredibly enticing, but… fuck. Tsukishima began wracking his brain for when the last time it was that he had seen you. That’s right, it had been a while, a little over two weeks in fact. 

 His sudden desire was because he had just missed you right? He couldn’t possibly be turned on from the simple fact that you were in the shortest shorts known to man, or the fact that you were in his shirt and you weren’t…. Christ, you weren’t wearing a fucking bra. 

 He could see your hardened nipples through the shirt despite how baggy it was on your small body. 

 “Can you hold the phone, my arm is getting tired.” he said quietly, hoping that you hadn’t felt his hardening member against your back just yet. 

 “Really Kei?” you rolled your eyes but took his phone nonetheless, your eyes completely glued to the screen. The game was just beginning to get interesting.

 It was silent again.

 But this time, Tsukishima trailed his hand down to your exposed skin, carefully sliding his fingers under your shirt, gently tracing against your soft skin.

 You sighed softly at his touch, your body wiggling slightly against him to get more comfortable. Tsukishima took that as a good sign, his hands traveling further up, the rough pads of his fingers felt incredible against your skin; goosebumps erupting over your body.

 You shivered slightly, desire spiking in the pit of your stomach as his long fingers began moving further up, until they rested just below your breasts. Your breath hitched, your heart thumping loudly in your ears now. 

 His fingers carefully dragged against the soft underside of your breasts. You felt Tsukishima shift, his upper body sitting up slightly, his lips brushing gently against the shell of your outer ear, hot breath rustled your hair. 

 “Who’s winning?” he murmured, lips grazing against your ear before carefully brushing down towards your neck.

A soft whimper tore through your lips. “It’s uhmm… uh - o-oh Kei.” your eyes fluttered shut as his tongue darted across your skin, tasting you before biting down softly. You could feel your cunt clenching at his actions, your bundle of nerves suddenly throbbing to be touched.

 “What was that?” he teased softly, the hand that was gently caressing the underside of your breasts suddenly moved up, carefully cupping your entire breast, long fingers gently tugging at your hardened nipple.

 You moaned loudly before immediately dropping his phone, both hands clasping your mouth shut tightly.

 “Oh, that’s right, if your dorm manager caught me here, she would be furious right? I don’t want you getting in trouble, so you best be quiet hmm?” he murmured softly against your skin before pinching your nipple hard between two fingers.

 Your breath hitched, your eyes squeezing shut as pleasure rippled through your body.

 “But you make the cutest noises when you're turned on.” he said, his voice incredibly quiet and calm, despite the growing hardness that was pressing into your back now. “You’re in quite the dilemma, aren’t you?”

 His other hand suddenly trailed down, his fingers curling against your through your shorts. 

 “Fuck… you’re soaked.” he groaned quietly, feeling your arousal leaking through your panties and staining your shorts.

 He suddenly leaned back once again, your head once again resting against his strong chest. But despite his composure, his heart was racing just as much as yours. 

 He suddenly bucked his hips up, his cock rubbing against your back. A soft sigh escaped his lips, the hand that was groping your breast pulled out of your shirt and tangled into your hair, gently tugging and forcing you to arch your neck, staring up at the blonde male now.

 His gold eyes held nothing but lust now as he stared down at you with half-lidded eyes. 

 You had never seen a more gorgeous man in your entire life. 

 “What do you want?” he asked, his voice deep with arousal. But before you could say anything, the hand that was grasping you through your clothes suddenly tugged your shorts and panties to the side, long fingers brushing softly against your weeping slit.

 Tsukishima exhaled loudly, his cock jumping against your back as he felt just how wet you were. 

 “Fuck…” he whispered quietly, and carefully slid his finger to the top of your cunt, his finger gently pressing down against your clit.

 A jolt of pleasure erupted through your body, your mouth falling open in a silent plea as your eyes fluttered shut.

 He began rubbing delicate circles against you, a soft pleasure beginning to build up in your lower stomach, your hips rocking up carefully with his movements.

 “K-Kei…” you trembled, your hand reaching down and grasping at his forearm helplessly. 

 “Are you close?” he asked, his finger pressing down just a little bit harder, but that was all that you needed to get your legs shaking.

 The way he touched you… the way that he took care of you… it was no wonder you were completely head over heels for him.

 He was just too good.

 You nodded helplessly against his chest, and then suddenly he pulled his hand away from your dripping cunt, a soft cry of distress tearing through your lips. Why did he… but you were so close…

 “Can you move away for a second?” he asked quietly, gently pushing you forward. You shakily scooted away from him and heard the rustling of sheets and clothes. You twisted your head to look back and - your mouth went dry.

 Tsukishima was still resting against the wall, his lower body easily sprawled out against your bed as you still sat between his long legs, but this time… this time… he laid with one hand behind his head, the other was easily grasping his member, lazily sliding up and down his shaft. His grey sweatpants were bunched up around the tops of his thighs, his black shirt pulled up slightly, exposing his lower stomach and the perfect lines of his Adonis belt.

 “Come here.” he demanded, you turned to crawl over to him, fully intending on taking him into your mouth- his hand flew up, halting your movements. “No. I want to be inside you.”

 Your lips parted slightly as you nodded in a daze, your cunt squeezing around nothing at his words. But before you could sink down on top of his cock, he stopped you once more. 

 “Turn around.” he commanded. Your lips trembled softly, your hands gripping his upper thighs as you situated yourself on top of him, you could feel his fingers tugging your shorts and underwear to the side again, and then something blunt and thick began rubbing up and down your soaked entrance. 

 “Don’t tease me Kei, please.” you whimpered out, but before you could plead further, he grabbed your hips, forcing you to sink all the way down onto his member in one movement.

 You gritted your teeth tightly, biting back the loud shout that wanted to escape your throat at the sudden intrusion, at the force of him already hitting the most devastating depths within you.

 Fuck you had never been quite this full, never had someone quite this deep until you met Tsukishima.

 “Shit.” he cursed, growling slightly, his grip on your hips tightening as his eyes fluttered shut as your tight heat engulfed him completely.

 He could never get used to this. 

 After a moment of adjusting to the new intrusion you began rocking your hips, carefully sliding back and forth, your lips forming into a silent o as pleasure jolted through your body at each drag of his cock against your walls.

 A soft whimper tore through your lips as he began grabbing handfuls of your ass, his fingers gripping tightly at the soft flesh, kneading and pulling your cheeks apart. Before his hand settled on pulling your shorts and underwear further away, his eyes taking in the obscene way your cunt swallowed his cock.

 The quiet room was filled with the sound of rustling sheets, the wet noises of your arousal leaking through your stuffed cunt as Tsukishima slid in and out of you, the soft and breathless moans that escaped your lips, and the soft grunts of Tsukishima as he fought back his release. He couldn’t cum yet, not until you did.

 But he could tell that you were close by the desperate way you rocked your hips, faster, sloppier, chasing for a release.

 “Cum for me.” he demanded, his large hand cracking down against your ass. Your hand came up, stifling the loud gasp that wanted to escape your lips, your cunt clenching tightly around him. You could feel it then, the pleasure mixed with the sharp pain, the tightness in your lower stomach finally releasing. 

 “Fuck that’s it.” He murmured, watching as you trembled above him, his hands coming down to grip at your waist, forcing you to move faster against him as he began chasing his own release.

 Tsukishima gritted his teeth tightly before carefully shoving you off of his member, a soft cry escaping your lips as you collapsed on top of his legs. He gripped his member tightly, shooting thick ropes of his warmth all over your raised bottom, staining your shorts completely.

 “Shit hold on.” he panted slightly, carefully moving himself from under you. He tucked his softening member back into his sweatpants before moving towards your closet, grabbing a towel and making his way back to you. His gentle hands easily cleaning you up before tugging your shorts and panties off, replacing them with fresh ones.

 You looked up at him sleepily as he began situating you both on your small body, half of your body resting on top of his as he drew the blankets over your guys’ form. 

 “You suck Kei. If I fail this exam because I’m too tired to focus, you have to buy me ramen.” you mumbled against his chest, your eyes drooping as sleep began to tug at your mind.

 “If you fail this exam just because you’re tired then that just proves you didn’t actually study for it. You should’ve been able to retain that information regardless.” he said, fingers gently running through your hair.

 “You suck.” you sighed again, softly nuzzling your face into his chest.

 A smile tugged at his lips, but he didn’t say anything else. 

 Not that you would have listened anyway, considering that you were knocked out now. 

 Tsukishima’s body was definitely more comfortable than your twin bed. 

[yoshkeii]

"𝚂𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚠𝚒𝚌𝚑𝚎𝚍 𝙸𝚗𝚋𝚎𝚝𝚠𝚎𝚎𝚗"

࿐ character(s): Bokuto Koutarou, Iwaizumi Hajime (poly)

࿐ genre: sfw, soft/fluff

࿐ type: imagine

࿐ requested by: N/A

⌦ male!reader (he/him)

⌦ college age/time period

⌦ oh yeah it’s self-indulgent, so please be wary if ya dont like that.

⌦ ‘ive been yearning cuddles lately, and i got given a rarepair as a self-ship and i aint gonna leave that chance to write something about them and be self-indulgent.’

A/N: mmmm.. rare pairs... mm.. self-ship...

→ days and nights have been exhausted as time flew by aimlessly, losing track of precious time through work from college. classes stacking assignments and projects due to the last stretch till summer in the matter of 2-3 weeks. it was all so overwhelming, suffocating. clouding your vision of self-care and deprived the time of affection to your two boyfriends.

→ yes, two boyfriends, a poly relationship between Bokuto Koutarou and Iwaizumi Hajime themselves. 

→ you’d never thought either of them would like you, let alone agree to being in a poly just for you. but both of them are seemingly getting along and fond with another, soon to be openly accepting of each other as boyfriends.

→ being stuck in your shared room majority of your days studying away, working on projects soon to be due, isolated and focus on all different classes. 

→ Iwaizumi and Bokuto had notice you weren’t allowing yourself a single break, seeing how concentrated and determine you seemed on passing classes. following a strict tight schedule you had forged yourself to get it all done. it really worried them.

→ since when did you last eat? even drank anything??

→ don’t even get them started on sleep. they always head to bed before you, commonly walking into the bedroom to see you at the desk exchanging a light-hearted “hi” and “hello’s” before either of them had slipped into bed with another. falling asleep cuddled up, missing the figure inbetween them both, missing the lost warmth during it all.

→ it didn’t feel right. it felt like a missing piece that had been long gone from its original masterpiece of a jigsaw puzzle.

→ till you decided to stop, always working so late into the night. leaning back against your stiff chair you leaned your head back to stare up at the ceiling, seeing the light of your laptop dimly showing on the ceiling before shading into the darkness behind you. 

→ it was late, which was obvious as your eyes aimlessly gazed around till it reached the clock. to your dismay you instinctively read the numbers...

→ “..4:45 am..” you muttered lightly, peering over your shoulder to the boys in bed.

→ light snores coming from both of them as their bodies were intertwined. it looked so comfortable, warm, and safe. it looked like heaven. your heaven. 

→ looking back to your desk, you closed your laptop, the textbooks and notebooks that were splayed were also shut. not bothering to be reminded of the context you were studying at the moment.

→ pushing yourself up from your seat to slide the chair under your desk, you managed your way towards the bed and climbing inbetween your boyfriends. having a perfect size slot for you to fit, Bokuto to your left, Iwaizumi to your right.

→ as soon as you settled comfortably in the sheets, the overwhelming feeling of slumber consumed you. you were fighting it all day, living off caffeine day by day till you crashed. 

→ when morning reached, the sunlight from the your windows was slightly left open, bands of light reached your face from your right. grunting softly you faced away from the light pulling the blanket over your head just a little before easily falling fast asleep. 

→ “..there he goes back asleep again-” Bokuto had softly laughed, leaning on his elbow as he stared down at your sleeping position.

→ “Well... he has been working so hard the past days. He deserves to sleep in just this one time.” Iwaizumi had replied, walking into the shared room to his side of the bed placing 3 cups on the nightstand aside. “Also made something for you both.. well if y/n wakes his ass up before it gets cold.”

→ Bokuto gasped “My favorite?! Yessss”

→ “Yes your usual, Bo’.”

→ Iwaizumi had slid back into the bed and under the sheets, laying on his side to hug you from behind. you instinctively moved to get comfortable in the position still asleep. Bokuto pouted before he joined in on cuddling you, placing his hand softly behind your head to bring you towards his chest. resting his chin ontop of your head, humming contently with a big smile on his face.

→ just having comfortable silence with the accompanying of light breathing, it was something you all missed. even if its just been a few days without it, the sudden disappearance of affection felt so cold but now the warmth is back without missing a single piece of the puzzle. 

𝙱𝚘𝚗𝚞𝚜;- [ 𝚌𝚠: 𝚋𝚘'𝚜 𝚝𝚒𝚍𝚍𝚒𝚎𝚜 / ”𝚙𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚘𝚠𝚜”]

→ waking up with your face squished against Bokuto’s chest, you didn’t know how to react, hearing the soft snores from Bo you knew he was sound asleep. moving your face slightly upwards to look at him seeing a light smile on his face shortly glancing over to see Iwaizumi with his face in the crook of your neck.

→ shortly realizing... you were stuck. not liking to move too much to bother your lovers you moved at a minimum. sighing softly, you just nuzzled your face into Bo’s chest, your face soon to be squished inbetween those pillows and your boyfriends.

[earlgreydream]

memory.

| Steve Rogers x reader | angst |

anon requested. the reader loses their memory and like the love interest suffers because they never remember them

“Steve, she was in an accident,” Bucky stopped Steve before he could burst into your hospital room, where Shuri and Dr. Banner were tending to you. 

“Let me in, let me see Y/N!” Steve shouted. 

“You can, but there was a head injury. Y/N hasn’t woken up yet. You just need to be prepared, Steve,” Bucky spoke gently, holding his best friend back. 

Steve’s panic only heightened, and Bucky followed him into the hospital room. Shuri moved out of the way, standing to the side with Banner. 

Steve felt like he was going to fall apart at the sight of you. You laid in the bed, looking pathetic and weak. You were badly bruised and scraped, and there was a gash on the side of your head. Bucky hung back in the doorway, hurting for the both of you, the two people closest to him in his life. 

“Steve-” Shuri started, but Banner stopped her. 

“Y/N, baby,” Steve breathed, running up to you. You jerked back, pain throbbing through your entire body at the sudden movement. A monitor started beeping, indicating that your heart was racing. 

“Baby, it’s okay,” Steve tried to calm you down, shocked by your startled reaction to him. 

“Get away from me!” You cried, and Steve stepped back like he was wounded.

“Y/N...?”

“I don’t, I don’t know you!” You started to sob, frightened by the large man that you didn’t recognize. Banner sighed, and Shuri and Bucky went to Steve, pulling him away.

“Steve, she hit her head. She’s having memory loss,” Shuri explained quietly. 

“But, I’m her husband-”

“I know.”

“When will her memory come back?” Steve demanded, shaken and in disbelief.

“We don’t know. Steve, you need to understand that it may not come back.” Shuri tried to be gentle, but Steve sank into Bucky, the weight of her words nearly making him collapse. 

“Breathe, Steve.”

Steve sat beside your hospital bed. You had slipped into unconsciousness, sedated by Banner to help you heal. Steve had stayed out of your room after the frightened reaction, but he needed to be close. The sun had set, and he was spending the night in your room, holding your hand as you slept. Tears stained Steve’s face, devastated by the fact you didn’t recognize him, your injuries, and seeing you in the hospital. 

He sat up when your eyes opened, and he couldn’t make himself release your hand. You looked a little confused, and very sleepy. They had been careful to give you plenty of sedation to keep you from having another panic attack. Your heartbeat was weak, and you had a bad concussion. That was on top of a sprained wrist, several fractured ribs, and the numerous bruises, cuts, and scrapes. 

“Y/N,” Steve breathed softly, and you blinked slowly.

“Are you a doctor?” you mumbled, rubbing your eyes with your free hand.

“No, baby, I’m your husband,” Steve whispered. 

You froze and stared at him, stunned. You looked down at your hands, surprised to see a ring on your left hand. The silver band had tiny diamonds, and Steve’s hand that held yours had another silver band. Hot tears started to slide down your cheeks, overwhelmed by the thoughts racing through your sedated mind. 

“I don’t remember you, I don’t even remember your name... The doctor showed me a picture of us, but I don’t remember anything, I barely even remember who I am,” you sobbed, and Steve felt nauseated. 

“I’m Steve, Steve Rogers. We got married two years ago, in Brooklyn. Bucky Barnes was my best man, and Wanda Maximoff was your maid of honor. Tony Stark walked you down the aisle... He’s like your dad...” Steve explained, his voice shaking as he tried to keep himself from crying. 

“Bucky...” you murmured, squeezing your eyes shut. His name sounded familiar, but every memory before waking up in the hospital was gone.

“Yes. Bucky is my best friend. Yours too. We’re really close, he lived with us for a year.” 

“I’m sorry, I don’t...”

“It’s okay. All your memory isn’t going to come back now.”

“Steve, Y/N needs to rest,” Shuri spoke, leaning in the doorway.

He nodded tightly, rubbing his eyes. She emptied more sedative into your IV, helping you slip back into dreamless sleep. She dragged Steve out, and Bucky stood in the hallway, pulling him into his arms. He squeezed Steve, promising it was going to be okay. 

Steve sat with you, chatting quietly when you were awake. He showed you photos from your wedding, and pictures of your small tabby cat that you adored. Bucky snuck her into the hospital, and you pet her head shyly, hating yourself for your lack of memory. 

“Steve?” you asked, sitting up in the bed, but struggling under the weakness of your muscles. 

“Yes, baby?” he set down his laptop, giving you his full attention the moment he asked. 

“You said that Tony Stark walked me down the aisle at our wedding? And that he’s like my dad?” You asked, and Steve felt his heart sink. 

“Yeah, Tony is like your dad,” he said dryly, showing you a photo. 

“I think that I remember growing up in a penthouse with him... but only when I was a teenager. I think, I don’t know for sure. Why?” you struggled to recall.

Over the last few days, bits and pieces started to return to your mind, and you remembered cooking in a sleek penthouse with Tony when you couldn’t have been older than 17. 

“Yeah. Stark adopted you when you were ten. Your parents were in a car accident. He was really close with your father. You love Tony, he took really great care of you. He wants to come see you once we’re home from the hospital.”

You nodded slowly, taking it in. You didn’t know how to express the pain and confusion you felt, and you shyly reached your hand out to Steve. He took it, gently squeezing.

“Steve, I’m so sorry. I want to remember...”

“Don’t apologize, my love.”

Steve had assured you a million times that he could take you to Tony’s, or that he could even rent you an apartment if you didn’t feel comfortable coming home with him. Your memory had barely returned, despite little pieces and isolated moments. 

Truly, you were terrified to be alone, because then, you were left with nothing, not even memories. You felt safe with Steve, even if you didn’t remember your history together. He’d stayed up with you, showing you photos and telling you stories, and patiently answering every question you asked.

Steve drove you to your brownstone on the Upper East Side, carrying you indoors. Bucky was waiting, having moved back in to help and be supportive. The flat smelled like homemade bread, welcoming you inside. Steve mouthed a thank-you to Bucky, who nodded silently. 

You convinced Steve to let you down so you could walk and look around. 

“Can I have some of the bread?” you asked, shyly setting your hand on Bucky’s arm.

“Yes, of course, Y/N.” 

You sat down, trying not to act like you were exhausted just from walking around the flat. Steve knew, and it seemed that Bucky did too. You may not have known them, but they knew you. 

“I’m so sorry,” Steve said softly, and he kissed your head gently. 

You had hoped that coming home would jog your memory, but nothing came. It felt like the first time you’d ever been, and you started crying as you sat between the men. 

“The only thing I can remember is going to high school prom with both of you... I don’t remember anything before or anything after, I’m so sorry,” you sobbed, and Steve pulled you into his arms, his own shoulders shaking. Bucky gently laid his hand on your back, trying to comfort you.

You felt lost, Steve nearly as much. There was nothing he could do, nothing either of you could do.