Tumgik
#i love all three but. he's my best friend
luveline · 11 hours
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could you please write something with bombshell reader and spencer where there is a misunderstanding and she thinks he is cheating on her?? or anything angsty? love your work and just want to tell you how you are the best author in this fandom! besos <333
thanks so much, hope this is okay! fem, 1.2k
You bend forward and breathe. 
Rough breathing. Audibly disjointed, and panicked, and drawing attention. You clasp at the side of the counter in the office kitchen and everyone standing around you goes silent. 
Someone must tell someone who tells someone, because Anderson makes his way to your side soon after. “Y/N, do you need me to get someone?” he asks. 
“Hotch?” you ask. 
“Sure. Do you want to sit down?” 
Your mouth isn’t calibrated to your mind. Your answer takes time. “I’m okay.” 
You blink hard. Your lashes are sticky, mascara wet in the corners and pulling on each other as you force yourself to keep them open. When Hotch collects you, it is with an immense tenderness, and a poorly concealed confusion. “Hey, come on,” he says, guiding you toward the office doors, “let’s find somewhere quieter.” 
You’re three steps down the hallway when you stop. You cover your face with both hands. 
Your entire world just got rocked… you don’t even know how to say it. You can’t stop seeing it, his hand on her shoulder, his head tilted to one side like he always does with you, like he’s going to kiss her cheek. And she’d just let him do it. 
“What happened?” 
“They were kissing.” 
Hotch looks down at you patiently. “Who?” 
“Spencer and JJ.” You swallow down bile. Your voice sounds far away, “They were so close…” 
“Are you sure?” 
“No… Just, it looked like they were. She had her arms around him, he…” 
You blink hard again, but the panic, the agony remains. You could see it, Spencer kissing her, and it just tore you to pieces right then and there. How could he do that to you? The stereotypical you’d always expected to be above races through your head. Weren’t you too much to lose? 
“They were too close,” you say more firmly. 
“Alright,” Hotch says softly. Then, because he’s your friend, even if you’ve thrust him into an awkward position. “I can work this out for you, if you want. I can kill him for you if necessary.” 
“That’s not funny,” you say, because even if it were, it’s way too soon. 
“I’m not joking. If Spencer ever did that to you, I’d… well, I wouldn’t hurt him, but he would lose my respect, and he would lose yours. Do you believe Spencer would put that at risk?” 
“You think I’m overreacting.” 
Hotch gives you a look. Full Hotchner. Understanding, patient, a little humorous. “I honestly can’t imagine a world where Spencer does something that would hurt you, that’s all. I’m not trying to mock you. I’m not saying you can’t be upset.” 
You realise after a few deep breaths that he was trying to drive you from a panic attack, and he did it successfully. You swallow a nervous lump.
“Thank you.” 
“You’re welcome.”
“I think I can kill him.”
“I don’t doubt it. Do you want to?” 
“Depends on what I saw,” you mutter, turning away from the glass office doors as they open. 
“Well… perhaps you can–”
“Hey, what are you guys doing out here?” Spencer interrupts, breathless as he slides around Hotch and takes your arm in his hand. “Angel, I need your help, urgently. JJ’s earring got caught in my hair, I’m pretty sure I’m bald.” 
You squint at him, still a little breathless yourself. 
“Hey, are you okay?” he asks, looking between you and Hotch with regret. “What’s wrong? You look sick.”
“What did JJ do?” you ask. 
“Angel?” 
He squints. When you fail to offer a reason, he tips his head down to show you the top of his head. “Am I bald? She dropped her pencil case and I tried to grab it, and she yanked back. I tried to stop her from ripping it out, but she said I had to stop being a big baby.” 
He laughs. Hotch lets out an audible breath. 
“I’m hideous,” Spencer surmises from your silence. 
“I didn’t really look.” 
Spencer looks at Hotch. “Can you tell me what’s wrong? Please?” 
You send Hotch a look that says please, don’t.  
“I just felt a bit panicked,” you confess, a half truth to spare your dignity.
“I brought her out here for some quiet,” Hotch says. 
Spencer frowns and holds your arm again with more softness. “You did? Are you feeling better now? You know, the sudden onset of panic is often caused by a process called overbreathing, have you felt that happen to you recently? It’s accidental hyperventilation. Low carbon dioxide in the blood.” His frown deepens. “Unless it’s not that. Are you worried about something?” 
You watch as his hand glides further up, his thumb rubbing into the soft fat of your upper arm. 
“Worried about your hairline,” you mumble. 
Look, you’ll tell Spencer eventually, maybe. But for now your head hurts and you really had almost spun yourself into an anxiety attack, and you need the rest, and meeting his eyes isn’t easy. 
If he were lying about the earring, you’d be able to tell. If he’d kissed JJ, the guilt would be pouring off of him. 
“I can trust you to look after her?” Hotch asks. 
“When can’t you?” Spencer asks sincerely. 
Footsteps. A door opening. 
You and Spencer alone, his voice warm with concern. “Are you okay? Really okay?” 
“Can you hug me?” 
“Sure I can.” He slips his arms through yours and pulls you in. “Do you need something? Listening to music can help, I have my headphones on my desk. Or we can just– walk.” His hand spread wide over your shoulder. “You’re shaking.” 
“I am?” 
“Just a little…” 
You try your best to stand completely still. 
“Oh,” he says softly, pulling you with more force toward his chest, “I’m sorry, I had no idea you weren’t feeling okay today. But it’ll be okay, I promise. I got you.” 
It’s not often you feel like the smaller person in your relationship, and he doesn’t make you feel small, but the depth of his promise gives him this bigness that dulls the panic. Spencer… he really wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. You aren’t at fault for thinking they were too close, but there’s an explanation, and for now that’s enough to make you feel better. 
“How much hair did she rip out, sweetheart?” you murmur, leaning back just far to see his face, not wanting to disturb the stable quiet. “Does it hurt?” 
“No, I’m fine. Honestly I’m more worried about you than my hair.” 
“Can I explain it to you later?” 
“You’ll sleep over?” he asks, lips thinning into a smile. 
“Yeah.” 
“We’ll talk about it later,” he says. 
You close your eyes as he cups your face with both hands. Later, when you tell him, he isn’t offended, just sorry. Necessary or not, he apologises and holds you with so much tenderness you’re assured again that Spencer hurting you would only ever be an accident.
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laughingfcx · 3 days
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3+1: THREE TIMES MEGUMI GIVES YOU SOMETHING, AND ONE TIME YOU RETURN THE FAVOUR.
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megumi, water :: it's hot — thirty-five degrees, to be exact, and of course you've forgotten to bring water, and the only canteen nearby only takes cash, no change. in short: you're melting.
you're draped over a lunch table, cheek pressed against the cool (but rapidly warming) metal. oh, what you'd do for a drink right now—
suddenly, you can hear footsteps behind you, coming closer with each passing second.
hi, megumi. you can tell it's him without even looking.
hi yourself, he replies, slipping into the chair next to you. a small bottle of water is slid your way; he does not look at you, but the gesture speaks for itself.
thank you.
don't.
don't what?
don't thank me.
you've had this conversation a million times before.
just because we're best friends doesn't mean you have to—
i do it cause i want to, okay? he turns to you, annoyed. all you can think about is how pretty he is.
megumi, company :: frat parties are scary. you don't know why you're here; nobara and maki have already disappeared too. it's packed, sweaty, scary. you squeeze through the crowds to climb out of a window and escape the heat. you know you can't leave until you find your friends, though, so for now, sitting on the dewy grass in the backyard will have to suffice.
megumi was right, you think.
don't go, he'd said, sprawled out on your bed, arms around one of the plush animals on your bed. it's tucked under his chin, and he looks adorable.
why not? you'd asked him.
it's not worth it, he scoffed. couldn't pay me a billion yen to go.
you should've listened—
can i say i told you so?
megumi?
he ignores you; or are you gonna start crying? you definitely—
you launch yourself up from the ground into his arms, laughing. i thought you said you weren't gonna come!
i had a feeling this'd happen. the slightest hint of a smile graces his lips. couldn't leave my favourite alone now, could i?
what? say it again, i think i heard wrong.
his smile widens; he shakes his head.
megumi, power bank, his heart ? :: my phone's dying, you sigh.
no response.
my phone's dying, you repeat, louder.
say please. he's desperately fighting a losing battle, the corners of his lips twitching.
please, megumi, give me the power bank!
you snatch it greedily from his hands, connecting it to your phone.
no thanks?
thank you, megumi! you throw your arms around his neck suddenly, and he is glad that you cannot see the blush on his face.
megumi always carries power banks with him. it's a known fact by now; he always has one on him. meanwhile, your phone is always dying. what a coincidence!
or not.
because one day, you overhear him talking to yuji. you're not really listening, scrolling on your phone when you hear your own name.
it's only because of y/n that i need a backpack in the first place, megumi grumbles. otherwise, everything else fits on my pockets.
then don't? to yuji, the problem is easy to fix.
but they need it.
so?
megumi makes a grumbly noise in his throat; so cute, you think.
oh yeah, says yuji. i forgot you're horribly in love with them and everything you do is somehow connected to them.
oh.
they're here, by the way, he adds.
what? did they hear?
i don't know, yuji replies unhelpfully.
you barely manage to get your earphones in before they walk in.
you, flowers, chocolates, your heart ? :: today is the day. to say you're nervous is a huge understatement. your hands are shaking, palms sweaty, and you're shivering, even though it's not that cold. the flowers and chocolate wait patiently for you on your desk.
megumi, you say aloud to the empty room. megumi, i like you and—
fuck.
megumi, you begin again. i've liked you for a long time and—
who've you liked 'for a long time'? megumi looks mildly interested as he walks in. you always get kind of lonely around this time so i thought i'd come to hang out.
his voice is even, but you amidst the normal calm, you sense something controlled. like he's actually sad, or something.
no one!
yeah? he hums. i'm not buying it, but i won't push you.
fuck him! why does he always have to be this respectful? if he asked you, you wouldn't not have answered!
who gave you the flowers?
i bought them myself! you squeak.
he raises a brow at how high-pitched your voice is. for?
um.
you see the way he stiffens visibly, hand tightening around your doorknob. he swallows, and then, sorry for overstepping, y/n.
no!
what?
you're not overstepping, you tell him. you have every right to know. we're best friends, right?
... right, he responds, but there's something missing; he's clammed up, retracted into himself. his voice is forced into not showing any emotion, and he's backed away a little bit from you.
your heart breaks at the sight.
megumi, i like you!
you're shitting me, he replies.
no, really! also, i hope you don't mind, but a few weeks ago i heard yuji and you talking, and he said something, and—
stop talking, he murmurs. i want to kiss you.
megumi has never been greedy. be selfish, gojo's told him. he's never listened — he's had no reason to, after all. yet... right now, he understands. it's all he can think about — getting something he wants, getting it now.
when he makes his way back to you, all he can think of is how kissing you will feel. when he is kissing you, he realises that he wants this forever. so he lets himself be a little selfish, and tells you he loves you, and asks for the one thing he'd thought he'd never have — you.
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new freaky writing style LOL only for this one though... also 3+1 because im lazy and sad and unmotivated. also grammatical errors highkey & im sorry.
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thinkinginpen · 3 days
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Stop Me Now Part 2
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a/n: I had to write part two. I loved the first one so much pairing: dbf!logan x reader w/c: 4.1k warnings: age gap, arguing, angst, being kicked out summary: Your dad found out and it didn't end well. But you had a boyfriend now... you couldn't go back to Logan...
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It had been three months. Three months since you last saw Logan. Three months since you walked out the door, leaving behind a trail of heartache and memories.
The absence of the one you loved left an emptiness in your heart like a cold, lonely vacuum. Three months passed like a slow, endless dream, and the memories you had with Logan still lingered like sweet, bittersweet ghosts in your mind.
That feeling of love was evident in every detail. The way he protected you, showing his deep care and concern, and the way he was so passionate and engaged in arguments, even when you disagreed. It was more than just lust or casual interest, it was a deeper connection born from a genuine love.
Despite what Logan had said, the love you shared still felt real and true. Perhaps your father wouldn't have approved, and maybe it seemed wrong on the surface. But none of that changed the authenticity of the love and connection you had with Logan.
At the sound of your dad's knock, your thoughts were suddenly interrupted, and your heart leaped in your chest. "Logan's here," your dad said softly through the door.
You froze for a moment, unsure of what to say or do. The thought of seeing him again after these three months filled you with...
Anger.
You felt a wave of anger and frustration wash over you as you heard your dad's casual announcement. Why was Logan here now, after all these months of silence? Did he think he could just show up unannounced, as if nothing had happened between you?
As you took a deep breath to calm yourself, your mind was racing with conflicting emotions. Part of you wanted to see him, to hear his voice and feel his presence once again. But another part of you was still hurt and angry about the way things had ended.
"What does he want?" you asked your dad, trying to keep your tone even.
Your dad hesitated for a moment, sensing your confusion and frustration. "He is over for dinner honey," he responded. "What else? He missed his best friend's, AKA my, soup."
Logan was here for dinner? He was going to be sitting right across from you, just like old times? Of course, your dad never knew what happened between Logan and you so this didn't seem weird to him. To him nothing had changed. Logan was still supposedly "Uncle Wolvie" as far as he knew.
You felt a pang of guilt as you thought about your dad's ignorance. He had no idea how complex your relationship with Logan had been. And now, he was hosting him for a cozy dinner, completely oblivious to the truth.
"I don't know if I can do this," you muttered under your breath. Spending an evening with Logan, pretending everything was normal, was the last thing you wanted to do right now.
As you made your way into the dining room, you saw Logan sitting there, smiling at you, but you could see the thoughts running through his mind. He was thinking the same thing you were… This was going to be a long dinner.
Your dad, oblivious to the tension in the air, was happily setting the table and chatting away. "Ah, there she is," he exclaimed, as you entered the room. "Sit down honey, dinner's almost ready."
You forced a smile in response to your dad's cheerful greeting, trying to act like everything was fine. But as you took your seat across from Logan, you could feel the weight of the unspoken tension heavy in the room.
Logan's eyes met yours for a moment before he quickly looked away. The silence between you was deafening, broken only by your dad's cheerful chattering and the clinking of plates and silverware.
Your dad served the meal, and everyone dug in, but the conversation felt forced and stilted. You couldn't bring yourself to look at Logan, and he seemed equally uncomfortable, occasionally sneaking glances at you but mostly focusing on his plate.
As the meal progressed, your dad tried his best to keep the conversation light and cheerful, blissfully unaware of the awkwardness between you and Logan. The atmosphere at the table remained tense and strained, the elephant in the room impossible to ignore.
Logan looked up from his plate and tried to muster a smile. "Not much," he replied, avoiding your gaze. "Just keeping busy, you know."
Your dad nodded, taking another bite of his dinner. "You know, I was just thinking the other day," he continued, oblivious to the tension in the room. "It's been a while since you've come over for dinner."
Logan shrugged nonchalantly, trying to play it cool. "Yeah, I've been busy," he said. "But it's good to be here now."
"How about you," Logan nodded to you. "What's new, kid?"
"Not much," you replied, avoiding his gaze. The way he said "kid" felt like a dagger in your heart. It stung to hear him call you that, as if things were still the same between you.
"No exciting adventures?" Logan pressed on, trying to make conversation. But you could hear the strain in his voice, the effort it took him to keep his tone light and casual.
"Actually, I have been dating this one guy lately," you lied, forcing a casual tone. "He's been keeping things pretty interesting."
As soon as the words left your mouth, you saw Logan's expression change. A flicker of surprise and hurt passed over his face, and you took a twisted sense of satisfaction in knowing that you had gotten under his skin.
He tried to maintain his composure, but you could see the tension building in his shoulders. "Oh yeah?" he said, feigning indifference. "What's his name?"
You couldn't help but relish the chance to twist the knife further. "His name is Nate," you said, unable to keep the hint of mockery out of your voice. "He's very generous and sweet."
Logan's jaw clenched as he processed your words. The mention of another man, especially one who was supposedly generous and sweet, seemed to bother him. But he tried to hide his emotions, keeping his tone neutral.
"I see," he said, his voice betraying a hint of jealousy. "Sounds like quite the catch."
You couldn't help but smile at his obvious discomfort. Seeing him struggle with his emotions was a small victory, even if it was all based on a lie.
Your dad cleared the dishes and excused himself to do the dishes in the kitchen, leaving you and Logan alone at the table. The silence between you was deafening as you both sat there, each waiting for the other to speak first.
"I should have seen it fuckin coming."
Logan's sudden remark cut through the silence, his frustration and irritation seeping through his words. He had finally broken the stalemate, and his tone was a mix of anger and resignation.
"Please tell me some of it was fuckin real."
Logan's voice was rough with emotion, desperation laced with hurt. Your heart ached at the pain in his words, but you refused to show weakness. You could feel the weight of his gaze on you, searching for answers.
"You told me to leave!" You responded angrily.
"You knew I wanted you," he shot back, his voice filled with raw emotion. "You knew how I felt about you. But you still walked out that damned door, and you never looked back."
"I didn't want to," he hissed. "You think I wanted to push you away? I was trying to protect you!"
"Protect me?" You could feel your anger rising, the pain of his words cutting through you. "Don't bullshit me! You were just scared."
"Damn right I was scared," he admitted, his voice suddenly softer. "Every day we were together was a knife in my gut. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't stay away from you. And if your dad finally found out… I knew I had to end it."
Your heart ached at his confession, but your anger and hurt still raged inside you. "And you expect me to believe that you actually cared? That it wasn't just some fling to you?"
"You know it wasn't," he replied, his voice low and fierce. "How can you even say that? I loved you, damn it. I still love you."
Your dad froze as he walked back into the dining room, realizing that he had walked in on a very charged conversation. The atmosphere in the room was thick with tension, and your dad's face was a mixture of shock and concern.
"Logan…" He said slowly, "Logan that is my daughter…"
Logan went pale, the weight of your dad's words hitting him like a ton of bricks. The guilt and embarrassment on his face were obvious, and he fidgeted in his seat, unable to look your dad in the eye.
"How long has this been going on?" your dad asked, his voice betraying a mix of anger and disappointment.
Logan interrupted you, his voice loud and furious. "It's not fucking over!"
Your dad's gaze flicked back and forth between you and Logan, his expression a mix of surprise and anger. The tension in the room was unbearable, and you knew that everything was about to blow up.
"You told me to leave! I fucking left!"
"Not out of choice!" Logan's voice was rising in volume, his frustration and anger reaching a boiling point.
"You walked out without a fight!" he yelled, his emotions getting the better of him. "You gave up on us… on me!"
Your dad held up his hand, trying to calm things down. "Whoa, whoa, let's all take a deep breath-"
"Don't you tell me to take a damn breath!" Logan snapped, his eyes still fixated on you. "You have no idea what you put me through!"
Your dad stepped closer, his voice firm. "Logan, you need to calm down. This is still my house, and I won't have you yelling at my daughter, or at me. Now take a breath and talk to me like a grown-ass man."
"What are you gonna do about it?" Logan shot back, his voice hard and challenging. "Kick my ass? Go ahead and try it."
Your dad clenched his fists, clearly struggling to control his own temper. He was seething with anger, his eyes fixed on Logan. "Logan, you better shut that damn mouth-"
But Logan was beyond rationality. "Or what?" he taunted, his voice full of bravado. "You'll do what? You gonna hit me? Go ahead. I dare you."
"Don't talk to my dad like that Logan! You caused this!"
"I caused this?" Logan exclaimed, his voice filled with disbelief and hurt. "You think this is all my fault? You're not innocent in this either!"
"I never said I was," you snapped. "But I'm not the one who started this whole mess in the first place."
"You wanted it just as much as I did!" Logan countered heatedly. "Don't sit there and act like you were some innocent victim! I didn't rape you!"
Your dad flinched at Logan's words, clearly uncomfortable with the direction the conversation was going. "Watch your language," he warned, his voice firm.
But Logan was too far gone to listen. "Oh, I'm sorry," he said mockingly. "Should I censor myself for your precious ears? You have no idea what we've been through!"
"Logan stop!"
He ignored you, his anger and hurt fueling his words. "No, I won't stop!" he shouted. "You don't get to act like I'm the bad guy here! You were just as responsible as I was, if not more! I didn't force you into anything! I remember everything! Every sound you made! Every laugh! Every smile!"
Your heart ached as he revealed the depth of his feelings, but you tried to push past the pain. "That doesn't change the fact that you ended it!" you retorted, your voice breaking.
"I had to!" he exclaimed, his voice ragged. "Don't you think I wanted you? I'm hundreds of years older than you! Your dad would have killed me if he found out!"
"I know now Logan. Get out."
Your dad's voice was firm, his tone leaving no room for argument. Logan's eyes flicked between the two of you, his anger and frustration warring with his conflicted feelings. He knew he was outnumbered and out of options. With a clenched jaw, he pushed back from the table and stood up.
For a moment, the room was eerily silent. All you could hear was the sound of your dad's heavy breathing. You could feel his disappointment and anger practically radiating off of him.
Finally, your dad spoke, his voice low and controlled. "We need to talk."
Your heart sank at his words. You knew this conversation was not going to be easy. "Okay," you whispered, your voice trembling.
Your dad led you to the couch and sat down heavily. He took a deep breath before speaking. "What the hell are the two of you thinking?" he started, his voice carefully measured.
"I can't even begin to wrap my head around this," he continued, shaking his head in disbelief. "How long has this been going on?"
You couldn't meet his gaze as you answered. "A few months," you mumbled, feeling shame burn in your gut. "But we stopped."
Your dad's eyes widened in shock, his anger and disappointment clear. "A few months?" he repeated, his voice tight. "And you didn't think to tell me? How could you keep something like this a secret?"
You fidgeted under his scrutiny, feeling like a child being scolded. "I… I don't know," you mumbled, your voice small. "I was scared. I knew you would be mad."
"Damn right I'm mad!" your dad exclaimed, his voice rising. "I have every right to be. You've been lying to me, hiding something huge, and with a man old enough to be your father!"
"It's not just that," he continued, his anger still palpable. "Logan. Of all people, Logan. He's like a brother to me, and he was my closest friend… And you two…. How could you?"
You flinched under the weight of his disappointment. You knew you had messed up, and there was no way to make it right. "We… We can't help who we fall in love with," you mumbled, the words feeling hollow.
Your dad let out a humorless bark of laughter. "Love? This isn't love," he spat, his voice filled with anger and disbelief. "This is a mess. A huge, messy, wrong-on-so-many-levels mess. And you two dragged me right into it. It's lust."
Your eyes stung with tears as his words sunk in. "It's not just that," you protested, your voice shaky. "We care about each other-"
"Care about each other?" Your dad's voice was dripping with disbelief. "You don't know the meaning of care. Not at your age. This is just lust, plain and simple. Logan knows better. He should have had the sense to pull away before it went too far."
Your heart ached at his words. You knew he was right that Logan should have known better, but you couldn't help how you felt. "I can't just stop feeling the way I do," you muttered, your voice cracking. "I love him."
"You don't even know what love is," your dad retorted, his voice hard. "You're just caught up in the excitement of sneaking around, of doing something forbidden. It's all a game to you, a thrill. How did it start?"
You winced at his words, knowing deep down that he was partially right. You didn't know what love was. Not really. "It just… happened," you mumbled, avoiding his gaze. "When he was over… and you left for work… and you told him to take care of me… We…"
"You what?" your dad pressed fiercely, his voice filled with disbelief. "When I left you alone with Logan?"
"You what?" your dad pressed fiercely, his voice filled with disbelief. "When I left you alone with Logan?"
Your cheeks burned with embarrassment. "We… we ended up on the couch," you admitted, the words coming out in a rush. "And one thing led to another… and we just… kept meeting up… when we could."
Your dad let out a weary sigh, rubbing his hand over his face. "So you've been sneaking around right under my nose," he said, his voice weary now. "While I trusted you. While I trusted him."
"I'm sorry," you mumbled, feeling the shame and guilt well up inside you. "I know I messed up, but I can't help how I feel. I love him. I have for a long time-"
Your dad's eyes narrowed at your words. "You have a boyfriend dammit!"
"I know!" you exclaimed, tears welling up in your eyes. "But it doesn't change how I feel about Logan. It doesn't change the fact that I love him!"
"You don't even know what love is," your dad repeated, his voice firm. "You're just a kid. You're hormonal. You're impressionable. You're not thinking straight."
"I am!" you protested, tears streaming down your face now. "I do know what love is. I know what I feel for Logan. You can't tell me that my feelings aren't real just because I'm young-"
"I can and I will," your dad shot back. "You don't know the first thing about love. You're just infatuated. It's a crush. It will pass. And when it does, you'll realize how foolish this all was. But in the meantime get out!"
Your heart felt like it had shattered into a million pieces. "What?" you whimpered, your voice trembling. "You're kicking me out?"
"Damn right I am!" your dad retorted, his voice hard. "You broke my trust. You went behind my back. You thought you could deceive me and sneak around without any consequences. Well, now you're going to face the music. Pack a bag."
Fresh tears streamed down your face as you realized he was serious. You stumbled to your feet and rushed to your room, grabbing a bag and throwing clothes into it, your mind racing. This couldn't be happening.
Your mind was a whirlwind of confused and conflicting emotions as you packed. Anguish, guilt, hurt, anger, and fear all vied for dominance. You could hear your dad’s voice drifting in from the living room, a mixture of anger and disappointment. As you shoved the last of your belongings into your bag, you tried to collect yourself, wiping your tears on your sleeve.
With a final glance around your room, you took a deep breath and walked back into the living room, your heart in your throat. Your dad looked up as you entered. His expression was unreadable, but his jaw was set and his eyes were like steel.
"Are you packed?" he asked gruffly, his voice betraying none of the emotion that must have been swirling within him too.
You nodded, unable to speak for fear of bursting into tears again. Your dad’s eyes flicked over your bag, then back to your face. The silence stretched between you, heavy and uncomfortable.
Finally, your dad let out a heavy sigh. "Well, get going then," he said, his voice as neutral as he could manage.
The words hit you like a punch to the gut, causing fresh tears to spill down your cheeks. "But… But where am I supposed to go?" you managed to croak out, your voice betraying your fear and confusion.
Your dad's expression softened just a fraction. "That's not my problem," he said, his voice still tense. "You made your bed, now you have to lie in it. I can't have you under my roof when you've been deceiving me like this."
It felt like being stabbed in the heart. You had hoped that, despite his anger and disappointment, he would still have some compassion for you. But his words left no room for doubt. You were being pushed out. "You don’t care what happens to me?" you whispered, your voice small and hurt.
Your dad's face tightened, the lines in his forehead deepening. "Don't put words in my mouth," he snapped. "Of course I care about what happens to you. I’m your dad. But I can't condone what you've done. You've betrayed my trust and disobeyed my rules. You need to learn that actions have consequences."
You nodded, understanding the message. Your tears continued to fall silently as the full weight of your actions crashed down on you. You had crossed a line, and now you were being sent away because of it.
"Go stay with Logan," your dad said, his voice flat. "You like him so much, maybe he can take care of you for a while. See how long your little fantasy world lasts out in the real world."
Shock and disbelief flashed through you at his words. "What?" you exclaimed, your voice rising. "You're sending me to him? After everything that's happened? You can't be serious!"
"No, I'm not joking," your dad said sternly. "You want Logan so badly? Go to him. Let him deal with you for a while. See how he likes having to be responsible for a spoiled, disobedient teenager who has no concept of the real world."
Your heart felt like it was being torn in half. You had never thought it would come to this. "I… I can't stay with him," you protested, your voice thick with tears. "I don't think he even wants me there! And I have a boyfriend!"
Your dad's eyes darkened at the mention of your boyfriend. "You should have thought about that before you started sneaking around behind my back," he snapped. "And Logan can deal with it. He's a big boy. Maybe it's time for him to put his money where his mouth is."
You felt numb as the truth of his words hit you. There was no point trying to argue. You knew your dad had made up his mind. "Fine," you mumbled, your voice hollow. "I'll go."
With that you walked out. It was late and cold. You pulled out your phone and did something you thought you never would again.
"Can you come get me?"
There was a long pause as you waited anxiously, the cold night air stinging your skin. You shivered and hugged your bag closer to your chest, feeling completely alone. Then, finally, your phone buzzed with a reply.
Lo: "Where are you?"
The short message was all that was sent, but it was enough.
You sent him your location and then waited, teeth chattering as the cold seeped into your bones. It felt like an eternity until a familiar car pulled up next to you, the interior warm and inviting.
You opened the door and quickly slid into the passenger seat, the heat of the car like a balm to your freezing body. You avoided looking at the man at the wheel, but you could feel the tension thick in the air.
There was a long, uncomfortable silence as the car pulled away from the curb. You couldn't bring yourself to look at him, your chest aching with a strange mixture of guilt, shame, and a small flicker of… something else.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the car pulled into a quiet, residential street, coming to a stop in front of a small house. The engine fell silent, but neither of you made a move to get out. You glanced at him, the light of the street lamp casting a dim glow over his features.
He was staring straight ahead, his hands clenching the steering wheel. His jaw was set and his expression solemn. The line of his shoulders was tense, his body taut like a coil ready to spring. It was clear that he had a lot he wanted to say, but was holding himself back.
The silence between you was thick and charged. He finally turned his gaze from the front windshield to look at you, his eyes dark and intense. "We need to talk," he said, his voice soft but firm.
A mixture of fear and anticipation fluttered in your stomach, the weight of his words settling heavily on your shoulders. "Okay," you managed to whisper, your voice barely audible over the rapid pounding of your heart.
He pushed open the driver's side door, gesturing for you to follow. You got out of the car, the cold air hitting you like a slap in the face. You shivered and wrapped your arms around yourself as you followed him up the path to his front door.
He unlocked the door, holding it open for you. You stepped into the warm, cozy interior, feeling a mixture of relief and trepidation. The house was small, but comfortable, and you could see glimpses of his life in every corner. Photos on the walls, books on the shelves, a jacket slung over the back of a chair.
He closed the door behind you and then leaned against it, his body blocking the only exit. He didn't say anything, just watched you, his eyes roaming over your face and body as if trying to figure you out.
"Sit."
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Part 1 Part 2
🏷️: @fablehaven-rulez
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Text
You Call It Madness But I Call It Love
Chapter 27: Take Me Back To The Beginning
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Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader, Reader POV
Summary: When the reader left Payback 40 years ago after a falling out with her childhood best friend she never looked back, but when two men show up to her apartment and start asking her questions about the past, the reader begins to think those things can’t stay hidden and starts to question what’s real and what’s fantasy.  This is a re-telling of The Boys Season 3, where the reader is a supe who's known Soldier Boy since 1927. The chapters will fluctuate between past and present. This is chapter twenty seven of my "You Call It Madness But I Call It Love" series. (I'm so bad at summaries please forgive me!)
Word Count: 13.3K (I tried to cut it down I promise 😭)
Warnings:  I'm gonna label this one 18+ because it's Soldier Boy. Homelander is a freak AGAIN,  A little bit of Oedipal Complex (It's Homelander the man is a walking Greek Tragedy), Graphic depiction of death, Dark thoughts, References to Past Trauma,  Angst, Cursing, Sexual References, Family Problems- A LOT of family problems, Homophobic comment (It's Soldier Boy), Past Trauma, Death Mentioned, Blood mentioned. Soldier Boy might be, is, really, absolutely, completely a little OOC. Soldier Boy is really all you need as a warning.
Note: This is told from the Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. Reader is described as "curvy" occasionally. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!
Internal Monologue is in first person and is in italics
Series Masterlist
Main Masterlist
A/n: It's that time y'all! The final battle is finally here! This chapter was a doozy to write, there were so many things that needed to be wrapped up, but I really have loved writing this series and I really like how everything came together.
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READER POV
The building is just as cold as you remember it, the hallways are silent and empty as if they'd been cleared for this exact moment as the three of you make your way into the depths of Vought Tower.
I wonder if Homelander was the one who did it, or if someone else realized what was coming.
There was an electricity in the air like the coming storm, rolling in front of Ben, Butcher, and you like a dark omen.
Homelander is going to get what is coming to him.
Any remorse you had for him left the moment that he took Lou. There was nothing human to save, nothing left to redeem, the only thing left was the sharpened, cruel creature that Vought created from your own flesh and blood.
And if you were his beginning, you might as well be his end.
Ben was walking beside you, any softness that you'd seen outside the building replaced by the cold calculating mask of Soldier Boy, you knew all too well, but this time you didn't fear his descent into the blaze, you reveled in it. For the first time in years, you were happy to see Soldier Boy again, and this time you knew that Ben was becoming this for you, for Lou, and for Rosemary.
You hoped that this time he wouldn't hold you back from doing what you needed to do as he had earlier. Though he did seem sorry for what happened while the two of you were outside, you weren't sure how eager he was to put it into practice.
Butcher seems to know where he is going, so you fall into step behind him, not concerned as to how Butcher knows exactly where he is headed. He stops outside a massive gilded door across from a rather exhaustive statue of the Seven craved from black marble.
The double doors that lead into the main conference room at Vought Tower are made to look intimidating, but you didn't feel anything but anger and fear. Not fear for yourself, but fear of what Homelander had done to Lou and to Rosemary.
Butcher pushes open the doors with one hand revealing a large room that lacks warmth. The last rays of the setting sun send honeyed light onto the black marble floors, dramatizing Homelander's stoic figure where he stands at the large floor to ceiling wall of windows at the opposite side of the room. His gaze is focused on the city below, like a proud emperor observing his kingdom and everything he owns.
He probably believes he does.
You think to yourself, eyes skating around the edges of the room looking for possible threats, but you don't see any. The wall to your left is lined with monitors and the wall to your right also has some, but instead holds a smaller pair of black double doors.
You didn’t know what kind of tricks Homelander had up his sleeve, but you were preparing yourself for the worst. Of the Seven teammates remaining he was the most formidable. You doubted that the Deep could do anything to you on dry land and you were more than happy to turn him into a tuna roll. You were a little worried about A-Train. He was fast enough to cause a problem, but you didn't know how much. Butcher had told you not to be worried about Hughie's girlfriend Starlight, mentioned that she wouldn’t side with Homelander and that she probably wouldn't be anywhere near Vought Tower. You figured that she'd probably gone to pick up Hughie from the gas station that Butcher had left him at, but you didn't know if she would come take down Homelander.
Honestly you were more worried that she would come for Ben. You'd seen her posts on social media proclaiming Soldier Boy as a terrorist and a villain, which meant that she probably wasn't your biggest fan either. You hoped that she was far away, you didn't want to kill someone who didn't deserve it or rather someone who lashed out against Ben or you because they didn't understand the whole situation.
Butcher also seemed unsure about who would be at Vought, mentioned something in passing about his old team that included the man you'd seen back at Herogasm, but you hadn't seen anyone in the building or sensed that anything unusual was about to happen other than your plan to rip out Homelander's spine and wear it around your neck like a fur boa.
"I remember the first time I stood here." Homelander says without turning around. You could see his pristine reflection in the glass, blonde hair perfectly styled and glowing in the last few wisps of sunlight. "I hadn't seen anything like New York City before, hadn't been around so many people in my entire life." His arms are crossed behind his back, the epitome of control. "They told me it was mine. That this was what I had been bred for my entire life." He glances over his shoulder at you. "I would have been willing to share it with you and dad."
"Where are Lou and Rosemary?" You keep your voice under control.
He ignores you and turns, eyes flicking from Butcher, to Ben, to you. "You are so beautiful. When I imagined what my mother would look like I never imagined someone like you. Maybe I imagined you looking a little more motherly." The feeling of his eyes tracing your figure makes your skin crawl. "But I can see why dad loves you so much. And of course why Noir was obsessed with you."
The mention of Noir makes your blood run cold. How did he know about that? Did Noir tell him?
That was another side of this whole situation that you had considered, you had no idea where Noir was. If he had stayed at the Tower or if he had cut and run when he heard that the rest of his team was being killed one by one. You hoped that it was the first option, trying to hunt him down and find him seemed inconvenient and you'd much rather just settle this now.
"Answer her question." Ben growls, the air around the two of you heating from Ben's newfound powers and the smell of ozone begins to float under your nose. He was trying to hold himself back from stepping in front of you and hiding you behind his body, that much was obvious. You could tell how much he hated how Homelander kept staring at you.
You did too. The guy is creepy enough, does he have to turn this into a Greek Tragedy? Did he see how things ended up for Oedipus?
Homelander only smiles, the same one he had back at Legend's, wide and with too much teeth. The smile of a predator before it catches it's prey, pretty until its teeth latch onto your throat.
He's very confident for someone who has no chance of taking down both of us. Then again, maybe he feels that way because he has the two people in the world who mean everything to me.
You strain your hearing to find Lou and Rosemary, but you can't hear them. There's a low buzz being projected through the building that makes it impossible for you to hear anything else.
Interesting that he's willing to handicap us even if it handicaps him as well.
"Hello William, still standing in my way and feeding them lies about me I see." Homelander tsks his finger as if Butcher is a child.
"Jealous that your dear old dad gets along better with me? Or maybe that your mother doesn't think that I'm as big a twat as you?" Butcher breezes with an easy smile.
Homelander's right eye twitches with Butcher's taunt.
"Sorry mate, does that make you angry? That your parents see me as the son they never had?" Butcher's smile grows.
You take this moment to skate your eyes around the room looking for any evidence of your granddaughter and daughter but you don't see any. Butcher was buying you time, but you didn't know how long it would take for Homelander to be done talking and you were ready to beat the location of your daughter and granddaughter out of him.
"Where are Lou and Rosemary?" Ben shouts again interrupting Butcher. "If you've hurt either of them I swear-"
"Why would I hurt my niece? I'm not a monster. She's fucking four years old." Homelander scoffs.
But hidden in his answer is the possibility that he hurt Rosemary, and it makes your blood run cold.
"We both know that you're capable of that." You respond coldly. "You thought nothing of using her as a human shield earlier."
Homelander presses a hand to his chest as if you've hurt him. "Why mother dearest, how could you say that about your only son?"
"Tell me where they are, and I will consider letting you live." You say without emotion.
Lie.
"There she is." Homelander smirks. "There's the woman I know and love. The one I met at Herogasm had so much ferocity, such rage, and pride. I think you try to hide her behind this. When you act pathetic and human." He gestures to you as if that explains things. "Because you're afraid to embrace it."
"You don't know me-"
"Well. The saying is, like father like son, but-" Homelander's smile doesn't reach his eyes. "The woman I met at Herogasm, she's something special, and exactly like me. Not to mention the woman who killed Stan is just as ferocious, and I'd like to talk to her."
"Keep pissing me off and you're gonna do a little more than talk to her."
Homelander chuckles. "Don't tease me." He has the audacity to wink.
"Don't you fucking look at her that way you sick fuck." Ben growls.
"Why? Aren't pretty things made to be worshipped?" His smirk grows. "And if I had someone like her I sure would worship her."
Ben lunges forward, to wipe the smirk off his face, but when you reach out and grab his arm, he stops. When he turns to look at you he looks like he's ready to snap Homelander in half, a fire blazing behind his eyes that you're not sure if it's because you held him back or because he's upset over what Homelander said.
With your eyes you try to say:
"You can rip him apart after he tells us where Lou and Rosemary are."
You're not sure Ben gets it, but he doesn't advance so you assume he got some form of that.
Deep down you were worried that Homelander had already handed them over to Vought or to the government for some kind of deal. It was an all consuming fear, because yes you would fight tooth and nail to get them back, but it wouldn't be easy if you had to fight the United States government to do it.
"Ashley." Homelander says, but when no one appears he roars the name again, with so much ferocity that it echoes off the walls of the round room, vibrating against the monitors, and into the hallway behind you.
A red-haired woman appears at the black double doors on the right side of the room, looking frazzled and pale. There are pieces of her hair stuck to her fashionable black pantsuit in clumps and she's wearing a pair of crimson heels that clack loudly against the marble floors. She's got a death grip on her phone so tight that you can hear the tension of her tendons in her hand.
You remember seeing her before in the background of an interview on t.v., but never paid much attention to her. Ben looks as confused as you do at her appearance, no doubt waiting for her to start lobbing fireballs or make heads explode, but instead she drags Lou through the doors behind her.
Lou looks the same as she did when Homelander took her, still wearing the same pink polka dot pajamas, except now she's holding the hand of a boy who looks maybe twelve years old with blondish-brown hair that hangs into his eyes that you're assuming is Ryan.
The woman, identified as Ashley disappears as suddenly as she appeared and slams the doors behind her.
Probably had the right idea. This entire room is about to become ground zero. Which is horrifying because now Lou is here.
The amount of relief you feel at the appearance of your granddaughter is overwhelming, fear of her being locked away somewhere evaporating as her eyes fall on you, wide and green.
"Lou." You breathe and cross the room to get to her, ignoring Homelander's gaze that follows your every move. You drop to your knees to give her a hug, but for the first time since you met her, she doesn't hug you back. "Are you alright? Are you hurt?” She's not smiling at you, she's frowning.
"Are you my grandma?"
The question makes you freeze for a moment. Obviously Homelander had told her the truth about everything and you didn't want to lie to her again. You knew this day would come, but you didn't think that she would find out this way. If anything Rosemary and you were going to tell her when she was old enough to understand that it wasn't something she should say in public.
You didn't look like a grandmother, nor did you think that anyone would believe Lou if she said it in public, but it would reveal that you were in fact Indigo.
Then again, we're probably past that. You frown at the thought, but it was true. There was no going back. You'd walked into Vought with no disguise in front of all the cameras and you certainly were going to leave your mark here tonight. You'd be lucky if Vought didn't run the story in the morning:
"Payback Strikes Back Against the Celebrated Seven"
Of course in that story everyone would conveniently forget that Ben and you were also beloved heroes, were also worshipped and elevated in society. Funny how things like that seem to be lost in translation.
"Yes." You reach up to push back her hair and she moves her head away, her dark hair slipping through your fingertips.
"Why did you lie? Lying is mean." She whispers, hurt flashing in her eyes. "Did you not want to be my grandma?" Lou looks down at her feet clad in a pair of teddy bear slippers.
"Oh sweetie." You sigh, tilting her chin up to look at you. "I did. I am. It was just easier this way-"
"Mommy says that lying is bad." Her green eyes are watery, voice quiet.
"I know. It is. But you have to understand it was a grown-up decision and we didn't want you to find out like this." This time she lets you brush her hair back from her face. "And it doesn't mean we love you any less."
Her eyes flick to Ben. Ben had followed you over, to make sure that Homelander didn't attack you when your back was turned.
"You're my grandpa?" Lou sniffles.
"Yeah." Ben forces a tight smile for Lou's sake, but you know that he's thinking that this isn't the place for this.
It isn't.
You could still feel Homelander's eyes against your back and you were trying to fight the shudder of disgust.
"Ryan say hello to your grandparents." Homelander calls from his position by the window, his voice proud and filled with  humor.
"Hello." Ryan smiles, but its hesitant and you’re happy that he’s at least able to read the room. A skill that his father didn't seem to have.
"Hi." You smile back tightly, the same smile that Ben had moments ago.
Meeting Ryan made all of this worse. You hear Homelander's footsteps as he gets closer to you and Ben mirrors his movement to block Homelander narrowing his eyes. You weren't here for a family reunion, you were here to kill Homelander and get your family back, but the thought of killing Ryan's father in front of him made you hesitate. That was something that seemed too cruel to consider, unless if Ryan was somehow shown how monstrous his father was.
Homelander holds his hands up in mock surrender. "I just want to talk this out."
You stand and push Lou behind you, refusing to let Homelander get anywhere near her again. "I thought you didn't want to talk to us anymore." You spit the words.
"I changed my mind." He forces his expression into something that looks like shame. "Maybe I got a little carried away before. But you have to understand I have been waiting to be apart of a family for such a long time and now that I have Ryan I’ve realized how important it is to have one. I'd never felt that kind of love for someone else, the kind of love that drives you to sacrifice whatever you have to save them.” He glances down at Lou who is peeking out from behind your leg at Homelander. "The kind of love you have for Lou."
He speaks like a practiced actor, his hand movements simple, rehearsed, the expressions on his face calm and collected, but you don't believe it for a minute.
"I know you said that I wasn’t your son, but I am." He says, eyes flicking from Ben to you. "I am your blood that's all that matters and now we can be a family. A real family."
"Where is Rosemary?" You ask. Lou hasn't moved from behind you.
"Please. All I'm asking is for a chance-" Homelander says ignoring your question.
"Why should we give you a fucking chance? You kidnapped Lou, you've probably hurt Rosemary or worse!" You could feel the room beginning to shake with the force of your anger, eyes shifting to purple.
"You kidnapped her, Dad?" Ryan asks in surprise.
You look back at where he was standing. Lou was still holding on to his hand and when you'd pushed her behind you, you'd also inadvertently pushed Ryan behind you too.
"I thought you said that Lou wanted to come live with us." Ryan continues looking confused. "And who's Rosemary?"
"He lied." Ben snarls, eyes not leaving Homelander.
"My guess is he does that a lot." You sigh looking at Ryan. "She's Lou's mother, your aunt. She flew after him when he took Lou. You haven't seen her?"
Ryan shakes his head.
Fuck.
Homelander ignores the question again and changes tactics, his blue eyes turning on Ben. "I understand what it's like for your team to betray you, to stab you in the back, to act like you didn't fight together, bleed together and to act like you weren't willing to die for one another. We could be unstoppable together, all of us. A family. Isn't that what you always wanted dad?" Homelander says the last part softly, enticing Ben to make that choice. "I read your file. Everything about what happened to your mother and it wasn't hard to figure out what happened with your father."
Ben's jaw clenches together and you watch his entire body tighten at the mention of his dad.
It was true. Ben had always wanted a family, always wanted someone in his life that cared for him, that he could love and be loved by, and you had made sure in all the years you'd known him that it was you. You were his family just as Ben had become your family and cared for you. It was hard to not be family to one another after all the years you'd spent together, to not care about him the way you did. It wasn't a burden to you to love Ben and wasn’t a burden for you to take up the title of family, because it was simply true.
You reach out and touch Ben's back to let him know that you’re there, feeling his muscles twitch for just a moment beneath your hand, before he glances over his shoulder at you. For just a fraction of a second you see the Soldier Boy façade drop and you see your Ben again, before something hardens in his eyes. The conversation that passes through the glance you share is absolute and quick, but he understands.
Ben takes a step towards Homelander letting your hand fall as he forces a tired sigh. "I'm sorry." He places his hand on Homelander's right shoulder.
You watch Homelander relax under the contact, the expression on his face hurts you. You didn't think it would, but Homelander looks happy and comforted that Ben was here with him. Content that Ben finally gave in.
In some ways you wished that it could be this way, that Homelander was redeemable, and that you could all be a family the way he wanted. But you couldn’t. The blood on his hands was too great and you had to stop him before anyone else got hurt.
"I'm sorry that I wasn't there, sorry that I wasn't able to teach you what I should have father to son." Ben sighs. "I think it would have helped you. I think your mother could have helped you."
"You're here now." Homelander says, looking over Ben shoulder at you, his eyes misty. You force yourself to send him an encouraging smile. "Both of you are." Homelander's voice sticks a little as he says it.
Something deep down breaks when he says that, because it’s the same thing that Ben and you had said to each other outside. As much as you wanted to hate Homelander, to push him away, another part of you was beginning to unravel, the part of you that wanted to accept him as your son. But you couldn’t because he didn't deserve that. Homelander was the monster that Vogelbaum created, there wasn’t a shred of human decency left and that meant Ben and you had to make a hard decision.
You wonder if Ben really did feel that way or if he was just doing this because he knew you wanted him to.
Ben continues to smile at him. "It would have helped you not to become a sniveling weak pussy starved for attention."
Homelander's smile falters. "Weak? But I'm your blood. Your son-"
"I know." You try to ignore the emotion that bleeds into Ben's voice when he says it. "And you're a fucking disappointment."
"What-" Homelander doesn't get the word out before Ben tackles him back away from you and Butcher leaps over the table to help him.
Ryan stiffens behind you as they do this and you look at him. "Dad?" Ryan whispers.
Lou gasps and touches the end of your shirt in fear, watching Homelander fight Butcher and Ben back, his eyes glowing an ominous red.
You open your mouth to say something to her and Ryan, but you feel a sharp pressure on the back of your neck and hear a high pitched snap.  You turn your head to look to your right and see Black Noir standing there, a broken syringe that holds a clear liquid in his right hand. The tip snapped when he had tried to press it into your body, unaware that your newfound power meant that nothing could break your skin.
"Ryan, please take Lou out of here. I don't want her to see this." You say calmly, not looking away from Noir, who lowers the syringe slowly in shock.
"But-" Ryan begins to say.
"Do it now." You order turning your body to face Noir. "Hello Earving. Long time no see."
Noir takes a small step backward realizing his mistake as Ryan pulls Lou to the doors on the other side of the room.
You hear Noir try to form a word, nothing more than an awkward click and a wheezing sound. "Sorry I can't hear you." You smile cruelly at him.
"I’d say you look good but, Ben really fucked you up pretty good didn't he?" You look through the mask with your x-ray vision, seeing just how messed up Noir is underneath. "It's a miracle that you're alive. That any of you got out of there alive."
Noir drops the syringe and pulls a knife, the blade shining in the fluorescent lights.
"You know, if the syringe didn't work, I don't think the knife will either." You begin to say, but he's undeterred.
He lunges forward sweeping the blade in a deadly arch aiming for your neck, but you catch his wrist. “If I had been there you all would have suffered.” You turn his wrist at an awkward angle, listening to the sharp cracking of bone as it snaps and Noir’s wheeze of pain.
Behind you, you could hear the telltale sound of punching and crashing, but you don’t look away from Noir, trusting that Ben and Butcher have it under control.
"Before I killed Countess I had to listen to her go on and on about how proud she was about that day, how proud she was that you all stabbed Ben in the fucking back, and honestly I didn’t mean to kill her. Though I will admit I regret not making it last a little longer. The Twins begged for mercy, tried to tell me that it was a big mistake, that Ben lied to me." You shrug advancing on him. "But Ben doesn't lie to me."
Noir tries again, kicking his foot up to hit your abdomen, but your hand closes on his ankle keeping his leg extended between the two of you.
 "He told me exactly what happened that day." You snarl, shoving Noir back from you so harshly that he lands on the ground. "You all turned on him. And honestly, you got off easy. You're lucky I wasn't there. Do you have any idea what I would have done to you if I had been there?" You smile and let out a low laugh. "Well I guess that doesn't matter, because you’re about to find out."
He scuffles back still on the ground, trying to crawl back, and reaches into his pocket for something. You were expecting a gun or a throwing knife, but instead he pulls out a notepad and a pen and you stop.
"What are you-" You begin to say, but Noir starts frantically writing with his only good hand.
He curls his ruined arm under the notepad to hold it steady as he forms the words on the page, and holds it up for you to see.
Did it for you.
"What?"
Noir drops the pad to write again.
Using you.
"Who?"
Him.
"Ben?"
Noir nods frantically.
Only way.
Wow he is so much worse off than I thought.
Then again, when Ben broke your heart you did think that too for a little bit. That all the years spent together had been a lie and that he was manipulating you and using you because he didn’t want to face the silence alone. It reminded you of the thing your mother shouted at you when you gave Howard back the ring and left home:
“You really think that disappointment will ever love you? Care about you? You are nothing to him, just another plaything. And the day he finally tosses you away, don’t bother coming back here.”
It makes you hesitate again and Noir sees it as an opportunity to write more on his piece of paper.
Set you free.
"You thought that the only way to free me was to send Ben to fucking Russia?"
Noir nods.
"I wasn't some fucking damsel in distress. I wasn't locked up in a tower by some dragon. I wasn't trapped-
You were.
"No I wasn't I chose to be there-"
Not happy.
"I was happy Earving."
I am better for you.
Your jaw snaps together, looking past the mask and into his scarred face. The expression in his eyes has shifted now, to something softer, something vulnerable and earnest. You remember what Stan said about Noir going through your apartment when you weren't there, stealing pieces of your clothing, and stealing your jewelry.
I did everything for you.
Noir reaches into his pocket and pulls out something that glimmers in the light. It takes you a moment to recognize it, but it's your pearl necklace, the one your father gave you when you spent your first birthday away from home. He holds it out to you and you take it from his hand. The beads are just as you remember, maybe a little yellowed with age, but still in good condition. Soft and supple against your fingertips, warmed from where they were in Noir's pocket.
Said I could have you.
"Who?"
Stan.
The name of the man you killed makes your blood run cold and for a minute you feel bad for Noir, feel bad that he believed what Stan said. Stan who told Noir whatever he could into manipulating him to do his bidding.
Stan knew that he was obsessed with me, knew exactly what to say to make sure that Noir would do what he wished. And Noir believed that I was something that Stan could give away. I didn't belong to Stan, didn't belong to anyone but me.
That was the problem with Stan after all, that he thought you were a commodity to be sold. That everyone else in the entire world believed that you were nothing more than a puppet to be used and disposed of whenever they saw fit. It was the same attitude that drove Stan and Vogelbaum to take your genetic material.
But then you left. Tried to find you. Couldn't find you. Why did you hide?
You watched Noir's shoulders slump as if it was painful for him to go through the past forty years not knowing where you were.
Could have helped you.
 A chill of disgust traces its hand down your back. You wondered how long he had been stalking you and wondered how many things he still had from forty years ago. The pearls were quickly icing in your hands, a symbol of the girl you used to be, the one who walked around Philadelphia and saw the world in color, saw the good in people. You knew that she was gone, long gone. Not after everything that you'd been through in the past week, finding out about what Vogelbaum did to you changed you, finding out what happened to Rosemary with Charlie changed you into someone different.
But you didn’t hate who you had become. You glance behind you at where Ben is fighting Homelander, ducking beneath the blows that Homelander tries to land, dancing around him.
I love you.
When your eyes trace over the familiar words and see the earnestness in Noir's eyes behind the mask. A part of you breaks for Noir, understanding that his obsession with you maybe did stem from good intentions but the descent into madness that drove him to do the things he did was dark and consumed him quickly.
"Did you know about Homelander?"
Noir was still sitting on the ground looking up at you and when you ask the question you watch him drop his head to his chest in shame.
Yes.
You move the pearls to your front pocket, considering your next move. "I saved your life before from Ben, not because I loved you but because I didn’t think it was right for him to hurt you. I didn't think that you deserved to lose your life over a film role.” You murmur with a sigh “But maybe if you'd gone about this the right way I would have given you a chance."
Do it now.
"No." You shake your head.
But I love you. I'm here-
The next word is just a scribble now as you fling your hand out and Noir's body flies back into the concrete wall. It cracks around him as you increase the pressure and he begins to fold in on himself.
"If you really loved me Earving, you wouldn't have let them do that to me." Your voice sounds hollow, but you know that it's the truth. “You would have tried harder to find me every day, to tell me what they fucking did.”
“Did try-“ He wheezes in a broken voice, barely audible.
“Should have tried harder.”
"Please-" The word is only a shadow of what it should be, his injuries making it difficult to form it, and through the mask you see a single tear tracing the side of his scared face.
"Ben would have ripped them all apart if he knew what they did. But you didn't, you sat at Stan's table for forty years and did absolutely nothing. You don't get the privilege to beg for mercy. Not after the things you did to Ben, and after the things you kept from me." There’s a purple outline glowing all around him, weaving around his torso. Your hand closes, the subtle glow of purple around his body tightening more and more, his screams sounding more like muffled wheezes, different than the shrieks of pain that Stan released in his final moments. And you continue to close your hand until there's nothing left, but a ball of flesh, tissue, and bone sitting on the ground where Noir used to be. Blood flecks the floor, forming rivulets that run like rivers over the pristine black marble like the roots of a tree.
You take in a breath, trying not to go into the darkness again that surges up with Noir’s death, the same darkness that dragged you under when everything happened with Stan, but you right yourself and turn to look at where Ben is fighting Homelander.
Ben is shaking his head and rising from a pile of debris, while Homelander floats in the air holding Butcher by the throat, looking down at him with a sickening smile.
"Goodbye William." Homelander turns and throws him against the window. It shatters with the force of Butcher's body being thrown against it and his body disappears from view into the air outside of the building.
Homelander turns to look at Ben and you. Ben has a cut on his cheek from Homelander's laser vision and takes a shaky step forward, but he stands proudly, putting himself between Homelander and you.
“Dad why did you do that?" Ryan asks. "Butcher was my friend."
Your gaze flicks to where Ryan and Lou are peeking around the door way that leads to another part of the tower and you're suddenly afraid that Lou saw what you did to Noir, but she's only looking out the shattered window in horror, tears in her little eyes. She liked Butcher, thought that he was funny.
"He was standing in my way son. And we don't let anyone stand in our way do we? Even our friends." Homelander's hair is hanging in his face from the fight, suit ripped away from his chest to reveal the black bodysuit underneath, one of his golden eagle shoulder pads is missing, and he has a prominent bruise on his cheek.  "See isn’t that better. No more Butcher to spread lies about me. Now we can all talk like a family.”
"Wouldn’t be too sure of that you narcissistic cunt." You hear Butcher’s voice say.
Rosemary floats into the room, supporting Butcher with one of his arms wrapped around her shoulders. She's still wearing the exact same thing she was when she followed Homelander, but now the dark sweatpants and t-shirt are ripped and riddled with what look like bullet holes. Rosemary's hair is wild around her face the hair tie that held it long gone, and she has blood flecked on her arms that you’re sure isn’t hers.
But she's there and she's alive.
You weren’t going to ask her what happened, but the wave of relief you have with her appearance obliterates the weight on your shoulders.
“We aren’t a fucking family.” Rosemary grits her teeth together, spitting the words back at Homelander.
"Mommy!" Lou says happily pulling away from Ryan to go towards her mother, who is closer to Homelander than you wanted her to be.
"How did you-" Homelander sputters.
"Get out of that pathetic excuse for a trap?" She snarls, green eyes flashing, looking more like Ben as she touches down in the room, helping Butcher to his feet. "It was easy. But you and I aren't done."
"I think we are." Homelander's eyes glow bright red, letting lose a bolt, it glances off her arm, but Rosemary crashes into him, grabbing him around the wrist to bring him down against the ground so hard that it rattles the other windows in the room.
But as she tries to bring his body against the marble floor again, Homelander breaks free and rises from the ground to fasten his hand around her throat, his eyes still glowing a sharp red that cuts through the room.
"You’re really pathetic." Homelander sighs. "I expected more, but I suppose you have no training or no practice controlling your powers."
She spits in Homelander's face and his gaze turns murderous.
"Let her go." Ben snarls, his chest beginning to glow, and this time you know that he won't stop, that he won't hold back from hitting Homelander full blast.
Homelander ignores Ben, focusing on Rosemary. "You think that you’re more powerful than me? You're not. I am the oldest after all." Homelander's voice is eerily calm. “You are nothing. Insignificant. You waste your life caring for other people and it makes you weak.”
“Leave my mommy alone!” Lou shouts and kicks Homelander in the shin.
Homelander looks down at her, his eyes still glowing.
Oh shit.
“You know, I thought you were cute at first, but you’re really just annoying.” He sighs kicks out with his foot and before you can do anything Lou goes flying out the opening in the window with a blood curdling scream.
“No!” You shout as her body vanishes just as Butcher’s had only seconds ago. You feel your body take off the ground to chase after her, but before you make it out the window, Lou comes soaring back in her little fists clenched tightly at her sides.
“That was mean.” She states indignantly.
Your eyes widen in shock, feet touching back down on the ground. She can FLY?
“Wow. I kinda expected more than you only being able to fly seeing as you’re supposed to be so powerful but I guess-" Homelander begins to say.
Lou waves her hand a purple glow coming from around her fingertips and the large table in the middle of the room jerks off the floor and slams into Homelander like a freight train. A loud “ooof” comes out of his mouth as he drops Rosemary and flies back against the wall of monitors.
“Mommy are you okay?” Lou says hugging her mom tight.
“Yes sweetie.” Rosemary says hugging her back, but even she seems as stunned by this turn of events as you do.
Yes Rosemary had said that Lou was going to develop powers, but you didn’t think it was going to happen like this or this soon. Then again you weren’t well versed in how long it took for supe children to develop them. Rosemary had developed hers when she was one year old, but you were hoping that maybe you had a few years before Lou developed hers.
“How did she do that?” Ben murmurs to you.
“I have no idea. It’s not a power I was born with or Rosemary was born with. Same with the flying-“ You whisper back. “She didn’t touch Rosemary before she did it, but-“ A horrible thought comes flitting into your mind.
The truth was you’d never used your powers around Lou, neither had Rosemary. Lou didn't know that either of you were supes. She’d never had exposure to super powers before today, hadn't watched them on t.v or been around any other supes which meant that she was experiencing all of this for the first time.
And that’s why they’re manifesting right now.
“But what?”
“She saw me use telekinesis to fight Noir. She saw Homelander fly." You murmur.
I receive powers through death, Rosemary through touch, and Lou through sight.
Holy.
Fucking.
Shit.
She could have limitless power, more than any of us, more than any supe that ever lived. No wonder Charlie was obsessed with her power. All she has to do is see a supe use their powers and-
The fear of Vought and the government comes crashing over you all over again, because you knew that they wouldn't let Lou go free, not when her ability was something like that, something that made her indestructible and unstoppable.
They'd run experiments on her, do whatever it took to try and gain that power for themselves, because who needed an army of supes when there was just one who was able to do anything?
“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” Ben leans towards you.
“Yeah.”
“Fuck.” Ben mutters.
“You can say that again.”
Homelander rises from the ground brushing off his clothes with a snarl on his face eyeing Lou and Rosemary before he finally turns himself towards Ben and you. "I don’t understand why you're doing this."
"Us?" You scoff trying to shake off the shiver of fear that came with the revelation of Lou’s gift. "You’re the one who kidnapped an innocent child and just tried to throw her out a fucking window."
"You should thank me!" He snaps, eyes gleaming darkly in the light. "I unlocked her abilities. Something that neither of you had been able to do. And now she really is growing into her potential." His eyes flick to where Ryan is standing by Butcher. Butcher's hand is on his shoulder. "You really turned into a disappointment too. I tried to do all of that with you and all you did was kill your fucking mother!"
Ryan inhales sharply, and Butcher's hand tightens on his shoulder. "The only disappointment here is you." Butcher's eyes narrow as he stares at Homelander. "Ryan is not a disappointment to me and he wasn't a disappointment to Becca! And it's not his fault what happened to her."
"Oh right Becca." Homelander rolls his eyes. "You've really got to get over her. She wasn't anything special. Practically brainwashed Ryan into believing he wasn't special. When he comes from a practically god-like bloodline. Judging by Lou's powers I'd say that Ryan got the short end of the stick."
"We are not gods." You spit. "Can't you fucking see that? We are what Vought created. We live, we bleed, we die, that's it. Nothing more, nothing less."
"It wasn't supposed to be like this." Homelander looks furious. "You were supposed to be my family, supposed to love me!" He looks from Ryan to Lou to Rosemary and then finally back at Ben and you. "Somebody has to like me best! Someone has to love me! I'm your blood! Your son! Your first born!"
"She's said it before and I'll say it again." Ben states from where he's standing next to you. "You might be our blood, but you're not our son."
The manic look on Homelander's face makes you anxious. He was like a feral animal backed into a corner. He knew that he had lost and you knew that there was no way to tell how he would react to this.
“Do you have any idea what I could do to you?” Homelander’s voice is more of a growl now as he begins to advance on Ben. “I am the most powerful super who ever lived. I am a god. And you are nothing compared to me.”
You step up beside Ben preparing for what comes next. “You’re nothing Homelander. You’re just a sad little boy who never grew up and became a hollow shell of a person that Vought filled with macho bullshit until you turned into a monster.” You say cooly. You were ready to fight him again, to kill him, because you knew he would never stop, that he wouldn’t leave any of you alone unless he was dead.
“I am not a monster!” His eyes are dark. “You think you’re so high and mighty? You’ve killed more people than me and at least I do it quickly. Did you enjoy it?” He smiles wide. “To watch the light fade from their eyes? To crush them into nothing while you sat back and craved their deaths?”
“The people I have killed I have killed to protect my family. I don’t do it for sport.”
“I don’t understand why you won’t just accept me! I’m your son! I’m not some fuck up disappointment! I’m Homelander! The greatest supe who ever lived. You should be proud of me! Proud to be my parents.” His eyes narrow. “Do you have any idea what I could give you? I have built an empire from nothing. Dad, you could be on top again, a household name, respect, power, money, women, anything you wanted and you’re really going to throw all of that away? For her? For them?”
Ben's eyes skate over Lou and Rosemary, and flick to you before he levels his gaze on Homelander once more.
“I have everything I need.” Ben’s voice is low and gruff squeezing your hand tighter in his as he speaks.
You feel your heartbeat stutter for a second, because Ben had said and done the one thing that you never believed that Soldier Boy ever could. After eighty years, Ben had chosen you just as you’d chosen him the night he asked you to give up everything you knew and dive into the unknown with him. And you felt the last shred of apprehension about him staying in your life crumple up and burn, because you knew that he wasn't going anywhere and that he was going to love you and stay with you for the rest of your life. If you weren’t in this situation you were sure that you would be crying.
“Fine. If you don’t wish to be apart of it, then you’ll burn with the others.” His eyes begin to glow bright red as he prepares to charge Ben and you.
You brace your body for the coming fight, dropping Ben's hand.
Everything slows down. Homelander's feet leave the ground as he starts to fly forward to kill you, the heat from Ben's chest burning the air around you, and the beating of your own heart thunderous in your ears as you feel your eyes shift to red.
But the attack never comes.
A blinding flash of golden-orange light hits Homelander in his left side, there's an unmistakable smell of burning flesh and hair, and Homelander's body is knocked off course through the wall full of monitors. There's a scream somewhere and you turn to see Rosemary, kneeling over Lou's body that lies on the ground.
And you understand. The attack didn’t come from Ben, it came from Lou. Lou who saw Ben use his powers, Lou who had the ability to replicate abilities through sight, and Lou who was so little that you were unsure what something like that would do to her.
"Lou." You gasp racing over to where Rosemary is cradling her little body to her chest.
She looks okay, paler than normal, her breathing is uneven, and you can hear the frantic beat of her little heart, but she does not open her eyes.
"Louisa?" Rosemary says, stroking the back of her head, looking into the face of her daughter, using her full name for the first time in years.
She doesn't move, stays limp in her mother's arms.
No. I can't lose Lou. I've lost so much over the years.
Tears spring to your eyes as you fall to your knees, reaching out to touch her arm. Her skin is so warm it almost burns the palm of your hand, but you don't remove it.
"Lou please. Wake up sweetie." You say, voice thick with emotion.
Lou stays as she is.
Ben's hand comes down on your shoulder and you lean into his leg, shuddering as tears begin to trickle down your cheeks.
Rosemary is beside herself, sobs shaking her shoulders, cradling Lou to her chest. "Please don't leave me." You hear Rosemary whisper.
You suddenly flash back to the day on the beach that you took the bullet for Ben, when your blood turned the sand to mud and Ben held you so tight to his chest that it almost hurt, and you thought you heard him say the same words as you felt yourself began to drift off into nothing.
Ben pulls you up against his chest, tucking your head into the hollow of his throat, his arms wrapped tightly around your waist as he looks down at his daughter and granddaughter. You shudder into his chest, choking back a sob, arms gripping the front of his suit.
"Mommy?" You hear Lou's little voice murmur.
You pull away from Ben's chest to see where Lou is still lying, her eyes blinking open, but it seems like too much effort.
"Yes sweetie?"
"Can we go home now?" Lou says. "I'm tired."
"Whatever you want honey." Rosemary sighs in relief, hugging Lou closer to her.
"I want grandpa to come with us." She breathes into Rosemary's shirt, wrapping her little arms around her mother's neck. "And grandma and Ryan." Lou says the last too so quietly that you don't think that you heard correctly, but she quickly falls asleep.
"Okay." Rosemary's eyes are closed, and she's petting the back of Lou's back.
You exhale, slowing down your breathing, still holding tight to Ben's supe suit. Ben's eyes aren't on you though, they are focused on the giant hole in the side of the building that Homelander disappeared into.
Homelander comes stumbling through holding his head. His supe suit hangs in burned tatters on his shoulders, but his skin looks unscathed. There's a large lump on the side of his temple, and he squints at Ben and you as if he can't recognize you.
"Hello." Homelander says it hesitantly. "Um. I'm sorry I don't know where I am. Do you live here?"
Holy fucking shit.
"Um." You stutter.
"Do you know who I am?" Homelander continues taking a shaky step towards where you're all standing.
"Dad are you okay?" Ryan asks.
Homelander's blue eyes flick to his son. "I'm your dad?"
Butcher is on Homelander before you can stop him, tackling him to the ground and landing a punch against Homelander's nose.
There's a sickening crunching noise and a high pitched wail from Homelander, as the nose breaks beneath Butcher's fist and blood floods down Homelander's face.
He's human now, but he doesn't know who he is. Your eyes skate across where Homelander lays under Butcher until your eyes catch on the lump on his right temple. He has brain damage from when he landed, he hit his head, doesn't remember any of this, any of us, any of who he is.
And before Butcher can land another blow you grab him by the back of the coat and throw him across the room. He checks himself mid-air and lands in a crouch, his coat billowing out behind him like a cape.
"Just hold on for a minute." You say.
"What the fuck are you doing?" He shouts, fist still covered in blood.
What am I doing? The thought was also going around in your head. You had come here to kill Homelander, to make him pay, but seeing him like this, unable to tell who he was or where he was, made this feel wrong. You couldn't put your finger on it, but it felt evil to kill someone who didn't know the reason why they were going to be executed.
"Don't touch him." You say, standing between Butcher and Homelander. Ben and Rosemary are watching you like you're crazy, but you don't let Butcher get close to Homelander.
"Why did you do that?" Homelander cries, holding his gloved hand to his nose to stop the bleeding. Tears are slipping down his cheeks from the pain.
"Ryan give me your jacket please." You hold out your hand for Ryan's red jacket who is looking at his father in total disbelief. "Here." You give it to Homelander. "Tilt your head back and press this to your face."
He does what you say, but he's still watching you like he doesn't completely trust you.
The feeling is mutual.
"You're kidding right? He's still a psychopathic maniac-" Butcher snarls advancing on you. Ben steps forward to stop him.
"I'm not going to let you kill him in front of his child and it-" You glance back at Homelander. "It's different now. He doesn't know who he is, doesn't know why he's here-"
"You don’t think he's fucking faking?" Ben shouts, glaring back at where Homelander is still standing, and for the first time you see genuine fear on Homelander's face.
I mean he is a good actor, but I don’t think that he's acting.
"I don't think he is."
Ben pinches the bridge of his nose. "Look sweetheart I know that he might be having a little bit of memory loss, but he's still Homelander. And I know that he is technically our son but this isn't like starting over. You can't redeem him this way."
"You're my parents?" Homelander asks looking at Ben and you suddenly confused. "But you're so young?"
You ignore him. "I'm not trying to redeem him and I'm not saying that he doesn't deserve to die or that we shouldn't kill him. I just think that we shouldn't kill him now when he's like this."
Ben narrows his eyes at the man who used to be Homelander. You can see the gears working inside of his head as he mulls over your logic, but you knew it meant that you had a shot of convincing him.
"Ben he's human now, you saw Butcher break his nose. He can't fake that-"
"That doesn't matter he's still the same person!" Ben sighs as if you're annoying him. "The same person that hurt Rosemary, the same person who kidnapped Lou."
"I know he's the same person, but it feels wrong to do this, to execute him for something that he can't remember. It's like killing a little kid."
"Fuck." Ben mutters it more to himself than to you as he tries again to see your logic.
Honestly, it hard to see it yourself. You had killed a few people over the years, didn't feel remorse when it came to the safety of your family, but this was different. Homelander had killed people, threatened, and tortured others but he didn't remember it. You hated that it made you guilty when if anyone deserved to die it was him.
"Fine." Ben holds up a hand. "Fine. We help him jog his memory then we kill him."
"Okay, yes that's all I'm asking." You agree.
"Wait a minute, I'm not going to agree to any of that bullshi-" Butcher begins to say, but the large doors at the back of the room open and a group of people walk in.
You recognize Hughie right off the bat, one girl as Starlight from her livestreams, the man from Herogasm who tried to gas Ben that Butcher identified as MM, but the other two are unfamiliar. One is a supe, her black hair straight and hanging around her face, but the other is a man holding a canister of some kind in his right hand with cropped black hair who smells like how Ben used to when he would shoot up and smoke whatever he could get his hands on in the 70's.
Well this is either going to go badly or go badly.
"Who are they?" Homelander says, his voice nasally from where he's holding the jacket to his face.
"What the fuck happened?" Hughie asks, looking around the room at the destruction.
"Well-" Butcher begins to say.
"I turned him human with whatever the fuck is in my chest. You're welcome." Ben lies.
You swallow the lump in the back of your throat. The last thing you wanted was for them to know what Lou was capable of. Rosemary is standing now behind you, holding Lou in her arms who sleeps quietly, curled into her mother.
"But how did you-" Starlight asks.
"I held him down telekinetically." You shrug. "Wasn't that hard."
"Huh." She frowns. "But you didn't kill him?"
"He hit his head." Butcher explains coming to stand beside you. "Can't remember a bloody thing."
"And you believe that?" MM sputters. His eyes haven't left Ben and you know exactly what he's thinking about, the night his grandfather died.
"She does." Butcher nods his head in your direction. "And she doesn't want to kill him if he can't remember why he's a fucking cunt."
MM's eyes flick to you. "Who are you?"
"You're Indigo right? The supe from the 80's who vanished?" Starlight asks.
"Mhmm." You hoped that they weren't here to fight you, but the shiny silver cannister in the shorter man's hand says otherwise. "But all of that doesn't matter now. It was a long time ago. The only thing that matters here is that Homelander is human and that no one died."
Her eyes flick to the ball of flesh in the corner that was Noir then back at you. "No one?"
"No one who didn't deserve it." Ben clarifies gruffly.
You could feel the tension in the air between the group of people standing in front of you. Ben was mirroring your protective stance in front of Rosemary, Lou, and Ryan. You weren't sure what was going to happen, but you didn't want to put them in the line of fire.
"We don't want any trouble, we're just going to take Homelander and leave." You say diplomatically.
"Who's Homelander?" Homelander says still obviously confused. "Is that me?"
Everyone ignores him.
"Wait where are you going to take him?" Hughie asks.
"I have a friend. She knows how to handle supes. She'll find a place for him." Your gaze flicks to the other female supe who hasn't said anything since she walked into the room. You didn't like that you didn't know what her powers are and did not know what to expect if she chose to fight you.
You also hadn't spoken to your would-be friend in over forty years, but you figured that she still was able to pull the same strings she had done in the past for you.
"A friend?" Butcher sounds skeptical.
"Yeah. So if you wouldn't mind letting us through-" You take a step forward preparing to push through the group of people.
MM pulls his gun. "We can't let you do that."
"Why?"
"Well for one Soldier Boy is a terrorist. He's killed people." Starlight's eyes narrow when she looks at Ben. "He's a nuclear bomb with a short fuse, who knows who else will get hurt. Not to mention he's murdered people."
"The only people I murdered are the people from our old team, everyone else was an accident." Ben replies gruffly, looking down the barrel of the gun, unfazed.
"Doesn't matter. It's still murder." The man with the gun states, his eyes narrowing at Ben.
This is not going to go well.
You sigh. You didn't want to kill them, but it was quickly becoming apparent that they weren't going to back down.
"We can do this the easy way or the hard way." The other man says in a faintly French accent, the dark haired supe beside him tensing as if preparing to spring.
"And you don't want to fight us." MM narrows his eyes at you.
Ben chuckles under his breath. "Trust me kid, it won't be much of a fight."
He's really not helping his case.
"Oh really?" Starlight's eyes begin to glow a dangerous gold, challenging you to get in her way.
You snort before you can stop yourself. "Your eyes glow, that's cute." You smirk at her, feeling yours shift to bright purple. "Mine do too."
"Annie wait." Hughie says, placing his hand on her arm. "Just let her talk for a minute."
"Really? You want me to listen to this psychopath? You see what she did to Noir-" Starlight, now Annie, gestures back to the blood stained wall and what's left of your old friend.
"If it's any of your business, you would know that he deserved it. And he started it." You say simply. "But it’s not."
"So what? You're telling us to just let you take Homelander?" She spits, eyes still glowing. "And let you leave with Soldier Boy?"
"You really think you can stop us?" Ben takes a step towards Annie, but you hold up your arm to stop him.
"I've honestly had a really bad week and we don't want to fight." You emphasize. "But we will if we have to. And trust me you really don't want that to happen."
"Then come willingly." MM says without lowering his gun.
"You know we can't do that. The last thing I’m going to do is let you lock Soldier Boy up again in some fucking lab. He's been in there long enough.” You reply.
"I'm not going to let you walk away with a ticking time bomb. He's killed people." Annie looks at where Ben is standing slightly to your left.
Like hell you're gonna take him and lock him in a cage.
"He's in control now. And I'll keep him in check."
"You expect us to trust you?" She scoffs. "You, who also have killed who knows how many people over the years."
"Could be worse." You shrug. "But the truth is none of you can stop us, sure maybe you can slow us down for a few minutes, but it won't end well for any of you. And I'd rather not kill any more people today in front of my grandchildren." You raise an eyebrow.
Annie's eyes shift back to where Rosemary is watching her warily, still cuddling Lou to her chest, and you can feel Starlight hesitate for just a second.
"Look Annie, can I call you Annie?" You let your eyes return to their natural color and wave your hand in what you think might be a friendly gesture, but your patience was wearing thin.
"No."
"Annie." You clear your throat. "The things I've done, I've done for my family. I think that maybe you can sympathize with that a little bit. And Soldier Boy well-" You glance at Ben, who is still staring down the barrel of the pistol with a stoic expression. Honestly you knew he was waiting for you to say the word to take down the group of people in front of you. "He's trying to be better and I'm going to help him, but I can't let you put him in a prison cell somewhere or in a cage or a lab."
“I can’t just let you disappear with him.” Starlight’s gaze is firm, unyielding.
You were willing to kill her if that’s what it took, but honestly you were exhausted. Emotionally. Not to mention you didn’t want to have to use the one favor you had but you were going to have to, to make your friend deal with Homelander. You hated owing her favors, they never ended well.
“We won’t disappear.”
“Why should I believe that?”
"You don't have to, but I don’t owe you anything Annie. No explanations, no nothing. Please just be thankful that this is all there is." You look at the faces of the people around her and stop on Hughie, before shifting back to her. "Do you want their blood on your hands? Because I don't. So please let us go and I promise that we won't be a problem."
"You're so sure that it's going to go your way. That you're going to kill all of us. You might be a supe but you don't know that you're going to-" MM begins to say and you finally snap.
Your eyes shift back to bright purple, energy pulsing out from your body as you unlock the anger, rage, betrayal, and hurt you felt the night you almost destroyed Legend's backyard. The bodies of the people standing in front of you lock up as your powers take control, weaving across their limbs, and shrouding them in the warm purple glow from your abilities, forcing them to their knees with their hands behind their backs. The only one you didn’t do this to was Hughie who is looking at you like you're some kind of monster.
And maybe the old you would have thought that too, but the new you wasn't phased.
Annie's body is glowing now, trying to fight the compulsion of your telekinetic abilities, but you know that she can't break it.
"That's how she knows." Ben says with a smirk. You can almost hear pride in his voice.
"Please let them go." Hughie asks you.
"I will. But first we're going to leave. Rosemary, you, Lou, and Ryan go first."
She walks around the people with Ryan in tow who looks back at Butcher for a moment, before he vanishes through the doors. "Ben take Homelander."
"Like fuck I'm going to leave you-" You turn your glowing eyes on him.
"I will be right behind you, now go."
Ben grits his teeth together, waiting another minute, but finally grabs Homelander around the arm and tugs him from the room glaring at you the whole time and muttering something under his breath.
You glance at MM. "I'm sorry for your loss, I am. I know that nothing can make up for what he did and I know that none of you want to believe me when I say this but, he's changed and he's trying to be better." You sigh. "I didn't want it to be like this."
"Wait you're not going to-" Hughie's eyes are wide and you feel Butcher take a step towards you as if he's going to stop you.
"No. Y'all don't deserve that. And I like to think that I'm still a good person. But-" You let out a breath. "I swear on my life that we won't disappear. I swear that I will do my upmost to help him and make sure that no one else gets hurt. And I'm sorry that it turned into this, but I hope that you believe me." Your expression hardens. "Because the next time you come and threaten my family or me again, I won't be forgiving and you won't walk away."
You drop the hold you have on their bodies when you make it to the elevator where your family and Homelander waits for you and you hope that they've chosen not to follow.
**************************************
"So, what do I owe you for this one?" You ask Grace Mallory, as you stand on the dirt road, surveying the Upstate New York countryside. The fields on either side of the roads were filled with waist high grass that rustled in the wind blowing from the East, wicking the sweat on the back of your neck.
The sun was rising on the horizon and it had taken most of the night to get out of the city to meet her there. It had been a long drive, but the car you'd stolen was working, for now. Rosemary, Lou, and Ryan, were asleep in the back seat and Ben were standing at your side. When Mallory had received your call she didn't sound surprised. You knew that she probably figured you would need her especially with the revelation of Soldier Boy's reappearance. She knew that you had unfinished business with him and that he'd try to find you.
She looks different than she did the last time you saw her years ago. Her hair is now more gray than blonde, pulling free from the severe bun at the back of her head. Her dark colored suit is sharp, pristene, and freshly ironed.
You'd met her in the weeks that followed Ben's supposed death, when Legend and you were planning your disappearance. You didn't know why she helped you make a fake ID and smuggle you out of the city, but she had. The favor you owed her had been collected when Rosemary went off to college, a little supe problem that Mallory's team couldn't handle. Off the books of course. You hadn’t been recognizable and you knew that no one would be able to find you.
"I'll send you my bill." Her smile is tight-lipped, but it's still there. You knew she hated supes, and sometimes you think that she tried to hate you, but you were too much alike.
"The same I'm guessing."
"Maybe." She shrugs watching the other officers escort Homelander into the vehicle.
His nose didn't look much better, it was swollen and purple because no one had set it, and he was wearing a pair of gym shorts and an oversized t-shirt that said "Ask Me About My Cats" on it. It was all you could find at the gas station Ben had stopped at in the middle of nowhere. Technically all of you had to change, especially Rosemary who's clothes were still riddled with holes and with blood splatter. You had a few splashes of blood from Noir, but not nearly as much as her. You knew that the two of you would talk about what happened to her soon, but not right now.
A bird soars overhead and joins another on the power lines hanging above the street, squawking as it settles down.
"Figures. Can't we just call this a favor for an old friend?"
"I guess I should be thanking you. Taking down Homelander, that's pretty impressive. Can't believe Butcher let you walk away with him like that." Mallory says, pressing her lips into a tight line.
Her eyes flick to where Ben is standing beside you. He hadn't said much since he pulled up, still trying to take in everything that had happened last night. You knew she wasn't ecstatic about seeing him again, the last time she saw him she'd told you about after you'd helped her out with her little supe problem and she'd asked you to join her for a beer. You didn't drink it, but you'd sat with her anyway.
When she'd gotten out of the car as you pulled up you'd heard him mutter "is that captain lesbo?" under his breath and it was the first time you'd genuinely laughed since everything happened at Vought tower.
Honestly, you felt kinda heavy on your feet. The stale gas station coffee had done little to boost your energy level and neither had the protein bar that Ben forced you to eat because he said you needed to eat something.
I better get a long vacation after this.
"He wasn't on board, but I convinced him. His team also took some convincing." You frown remembering exactly what you'd had to do to let you walk away, but you didn't feel bad about it. You knew that it was the way things had to be to keep your family safe. "You're not going to tell him about this are you?"
"Maybe. Not for a while though. I'll give him some time to cool down, have a cup of tea, let things settle." Mallory taps a text message on her phone. "It definitely changes things though."
"What does?"
"A cure for being a supe." She eyes Ben for a second. "Word gets out that's not going to be good."
"Believe me I know." You sigh.
You were trying not to think about the revelation of Lou's powers. You hadn't told Mallory that Lou was the one that took down Homelander, nor would you ever. You'd take that to your grave and if Butcher knew what was good for him so would he. You'd destroyed all video evidence on your way out of the Tower, but you were still afraid that someone, somewhere knew something that they shouldn't. Lou had woken up for a little bit on the drive and seemed more like herself after she drank some chocolate milk and ate some dry cereal, than she had when she used her powers earlier.
She just needs to get used to it. We all went through that when we got our powers. But things are never going to be the same though.
Ben nudges your arm with his shoulder as if he's trying to reassure you that he's there and you're not going through this alone. When you glance up at him, you see the corner of his lips twitch into a smile for just a half-second before going back to his stoic expression.
They really aren't going to be the same.
"Don't worry. I'll try to keep it on the down low as long as I can." She shrugs.
Homelander waves once at Ben and you as he is placed into the black Tahoe. The entire trip upstate he had tried to ask more and more questions while Ben drove, but you didn't want to answer him, didn't want to form a bond with him, not when he was acting completely different. You didn't want to get attached, because one day when he remembered who he was and what he had done you were going to kill him.
Ryan hadn't tried to answer his father's questions. You honestly were surprised that he had come with you willingly, he didn't know any of you, but he didn't complain. Plus you'd bought him a pack of state capitals and abbreviations flashcards at the gas station and he'd busied himself with running through the flashcards as fast as he could.
"Do you think he's really forgotten?" Mallory asks you.
"I don't know." You reply honestly. "I think so. But he was backed into a corner, and this may have been his only way out. He didn't like that we weren't accepting him."
"Hmm." Mallory exhales out a breath. "Just makes all of this more difficult I guess."
"It's always difficult." You sigh just as heavily.
"Yeah. Seems like it."
"At least the fucker doesn’t have any powers." Ben adds. "What are you going to do with him anyway?"
"Lock him up, see if they can jog his memory." Mallory examines Homelander as he looks through the darkened windows of the Tahoe at the three of you, still smiling. "I'll let you know if it comes back."
"Thank you Grace."
"Sure. You owe me though."
"I know." You pull absentmindedly on the end of the bright pink shirt that you had to change in to at the gas station, because your other one had Noir's blood on it. "Try to give me a little time first okay?"
"Of course." She reaches out to shake your hand and then shakes Ben's. Mallory turns to walk towards her car, before she stops and turns around. "What about Ryan? You want me to take him off your hands too?"
Ben glances back at the car where Ryan is fast asleep, his head leaning against the window, hair fanning out against the glass. "No. I think he'd be better with us."
"With Homelander the way he is, Ryan should be safe now." You look back at Grace. "Rosemary has an extra bedroom in her apartment, she can take him."
"You sure your cousin can handle a supe with his kind of powers?" Mallory raises an eyebrow referring to Rosemary as your cousin as she always does. Though you believed she knew better and just never said anything.
"Yeah. I think she's got it. Plus Ben and I live in the city too. I have an extra room in my apartment, but I just need to clean it out before he can stay with us. Ryan will be safe and maybe he'll be able to have a normal life." The thought was comforting. You didn't know too much about Ryan's background, but thought that maybe he would benefit from having a normal schedule in his life and have a normal life away from being a supe. Of course you were already thinking about ways Butcher could be in his life. It was obvious how much Butcher cared about him and how much Ryan looked up to Butcher.
You were going to call him when you got back into the city. You also supposed that you could have told him about Mallory, but when you and Mallory started working together you had both decided to keep it to yourself, saw that it was better this way.
"Alright." Mallory turns back to walk towards the car. "See you in ten years." She jokes.
When the car pulls away and drives down the street, Homelander waves at Ben and you again as you stand there leaning against the hood of the SUV you stole to get out of the city. It was easy to steal cars when all you needed to do was telekinetically turn it on.
"You didn't tell me you knew Captain Lesbo." Ben says.
"Don't call her that." You snort. "I owe a lot to her, she helped me get away from Vought."
"Why?"
"No idea." You lean your head against Ben's shoulder, listening to the cawing of the birds and feeling the wind pull and tug at your hair as if trying to ask you to play. It was a nice day, warm, but not too hot.
"Tired?"
"Mhmm."
Ben presses a kiss to the top of your head, holding you closer to him for a few precious seconds, his arm squeezing around your shoulders. "Come on Sweetheart. Let's go home." He murmurs into the top of your head.
"Home?" You murmur looking up into his green eyes, cupping his bearded cheek.
Ben's eyes are bright in the sunshine, the same color they were the day you painted him at the park all those years ago with paint splattered fingers and skirts. But it doesn't feel like any time has passed. It still feels like him and you walking the streets of Philadelphia together with warm pretzels, him crawling through your window to escape the rest of the world, him and you soaking up the sunshine along the bank of a pond, him and you drinking sour beer in a bar and singing all the way home, him and you dancing in a ballroom with the lights twinkling above, and him and you and falling asleep in the same bed bodies entwined. He's still your Ben even after all these years. You knew every smile line, every frown line, every freckle, every dimple, every dip and curve of his handsome face. His arm is still heavy around your shoulders, comforting and familiar.
"I'm already there Ben."
Ben brings his hand up to hold your cheek, the rough pad of his thumb tracing along the curve of your cheekbone. You were more beautiful than he remembered, leaving him breathless each time you smiled at him. His eyes trace the frown lines, the smile lines, the scrunch between your eyebrows, the smile on your face, and down to the parts of you that you believe are imperfections. Someone so familiar to him that he was sure he would never forget, and yet looking at you always felt like the first time, like he was a drowning man and you were the first breath of fresh air. He still saw the pieces of you he knew growing up, the girl whose hair caught fire in the sun when you painted him by a pond that was probably dry and gone, the girl who smiled at him every time he crawled through her window to escape the rest of the world, the girl who refused to let him be alone, the girl who protected him and defended him, the girl who saw all the parts of him he tried to hide from the world, and the girl who made him feel loved for the first time in his life. "Good, because I'm not going anywhere sweetheart, for as long as I live, I promise to be here."
"I'll hold you to that Benjamin."
"Forever?"
"Forever."
**************************************************************
A/N: Whew! Big chapter. Lots to take in I know!! But also really fun last moments that I just loved writing. I'm not gonna lie I was tearing up a little bit in that final scene. These characters have just meant so much to me to write. There is one more chapter coming! I know this one kinda felt a little bit like a wrap up, but the Epilogue is coming next. Stay tuned!
As always, thank you so much for reading and for all the love and support! If you'd like to be added to the taglist for this series let me know! I know that there's only one chapter of the series left, but I will transfer it to the One-shot fics I have planned for them. 😊
Taglist:
@roseblue373 @anundyingfidelity @cheynovak @cassiecasluciluce @muhahaha303
@deans-spinster-witch @kayleighmeister @demodemo909 @fruitfacess @bobbobbobinogs
@bughill126 @simplyfixated @tiredstrangerr @freefallthoughts @onlyangel-444
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Your JJK Fav + Why I think You're Single
hi so i did a version of this on tiktok way back when but i feel like i didn't have as great of an understanding of these characters and their respective fans as i do now. please keep in mind that this is purely my OPINION!!!! (my correct opinion)(im kidding)
Gojo - This one's a little hard because there are subsections of Gojo stans. You have the bad bitches, the coolest of the cool Gojo meat riders and then you have (incoherent screeching). I'm gonna assume you are the former here.
Y'all really love the idea of a partner, not actually having one. I feel like y'all will have talking stages a plenty, but when it comes to the nitty gritty y'all are not riders. Not that you don't want to be, no no you'd love to find your person but at some point friends you gotta realize that your person is gonna come with an ick or two you might not like. Relationships are about compromise. Real people simply can't be hot, rich, talented, strong, and funny all at once!! You're getting three of those at best.
Geto - I feel a need to disclose here that I am a Geto girly. I feel like most of us are chill, if not a bit odd // willing to swing.
Babes,,,, and im gonna touch ur clit when I say this-- Real life relationships aren't supposed to have intense cycles of highs and lows. Thats,, thats the cycle of abuse friends. Genuine, healthy connections actually aren't supposed to make you feel like you wanna rip their chest open and crawl inside. I know, i know you can't get attached unless you feel insane about them- but we have to stop this.
Nanami - Again, I feel like Nanami girls have a wide umbrella, but generally I think Nanami stans are very nice people. Nanami, for the most part, is the safest healthiest choice.
Put down the fuckin calculators. I am contacting cafe astrology as we speak and having them ban your IP from accessing their domain anymore. No, put your wallet away, we are not PAYING a psychic to tell you your most recent crush is not your soulmate. Y'all are over-analyzers, over-thinkers, and have a list of requirements for a partner that is twelve miles long. Maybe just talk to people?? Hmm?? Make a connection??
Choso - Oh, Choso stans,,,, loves of my life. Y'all are cool. Like genuinely actually fucking cool. Kiss me.
Okay, so I actually need you guys to see red flags as what they are. No, he doesn't coincidentally have 13 insane exes that won't stay out of his DMs. He did something to all of them. No, its not cute and sweet that he has to call his mommy and tell her goodnight and goodmorning everyday with kissy noises. That man is 24. No, Dominoes pizza did not text him and ask if he was up at 2AM. ur too optimistic, baby. I love you. Get a grip.
Toji - I have knocked noggins with more Toji stans than I care to admit in this fandom, however the ones I do vibe with are SUPER cool. Again, I feel like Gojo/Toji stans have that same thing. Im gonna assume you're the cool variety.
I feel like a lot of your relationships start purely based on sexual/physical attraction, and then get explosive bc yall didn't actually like eachother, you just liked the way the other one looked. I can definitely see this leading to maybe not abusive, but definitely toxic situations. and the thing is i feel like toji stans actually would make a BOMB partner but yall will settle for shitty people because theyre hot and then end up locking yourself in the bathroom and going through their phone while they bang on the door and scream from the other side.
Sukuna - This is the one I have the least interaction with on the day to day. Y'all fascinate me. Just out here doing you. I feel like most Sukuna stans are actually probably some of the sanest of the bunch, they seem to just slide in, post their fan works and dip. I respect it.
You can't fix him. no, no, you can't. stop trying. he's already grown. you cannot raise him.
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Hi,
Could I ask for some roommate fics? A little pining is great but I'm not a huge fan of too much angst.
There is one roommate fic I remember that I'd love to find again, it was set during lockdown, and azirphale was a virgin but was talking to Agnes on zoom with plans to date. Crowley offers to teach him about sex, and it gets physical, even though they're straight buddies ..of course. 😏
Thankyou
We have a #roommates tag. Here's the one you're looking for and a few more to add...
Not a Mounted Dildo but a Fuck Machine by NaroMoreau, summerofspock (E)
Aziraphale and Crowley have lived together for three years when lockdown goes into effect. When Aziraphale meets a nice girl on Tinder who he thinks is his perfect match, he's delighted. There's just one hurdle: that pesky virginity thing. Lucky for him, Crowley has always been there for him. He's helped Aziraphale with every other problem through the years, why not this one?
Tinder Dates Gone Wrong by OceanLace (E)
Aziraphale decides to take a risk and brings a man home but doesn't realize that his roommate and best friend had the same idea. Things don't turn out the way either of them were expecting but end up exactly how they wanted.
Principles of Proximity by Cannebady (E)
Crowley's plan is to get through grad school in one piece and then live his bachelor dream life. With a less-than-wholesome upbringing and no real human ties to speak of, he's made a life for himself. It's just fine, actually. And he's fine too, while you're at it. Enter new roommate, Aziraphale, who just might teach him the benefits of putting down roots.
…And They Were Roommates by Mimsynims (E)
“You know… I just remembered that Richard and I were going away for a few days next month.” Something devious came over him. “Richard paid for it, but the booking is in my name.” Crowley quickly caught on to what he was getting at. “Ooh, I see. That’s convenient.” He grinned. “For us." When Aziraphale's boyfriend Richard (Dick) breaks up with him, he and his roommate Crowley hijacks an intended couples' vacation and uses it for themselves. Lines that had started to blur even before their trip gets even more blurry - which perhaps isn't the best thing when both are hiding a crush on the other (and communication isn't their strong suit).
make it with you by NaroMoreau (E)
PAID RESEARCH OPPORTUNITY: A romantic couples study!! ------ Aziraphale and Crowley are broke roommates who are struggling to keep up with rent and a harsh landlord. After Crowley loses his job and Aziraphale's bookshop hasn't managed to make enough profit, they'll resort to anything to save what they love, and when they come across with the idea of a paid study for couples... Because some ideas are good until they aren't.
You Can Stay At My Place (And We Can Fall in Love) by IneffableToreshi (E)
Anthony Crowley is an art student with a heart of gold and a broad assumption about himself and his own (apparent lack-of) sexuality. When he meets literary student Aziraphale, he thinks he's found a great friend and possibly the perfect roommate. But when an exceptionally idiotic idea turns into Aziraphale reluctantly agreeing to pretend to be Crowley's boyfriend, Crowley rapidly realizes that he may not have been nearly so asexual as he originally thought...
10,000 Hours by AnnaTheHank (E)
Rich playboy Anthony Crowley has finally broken the last straw. He's been disowned by his grandmother, and turned away by his family. With no money and no where to go, he heads to the old family cabin to lay low until it all blows over. Romance writer A.Z. Fell has been given use of her publisher's cabin to get away from the city and work on her newest book-her first erotica. Neither expected the other to be there, but there they both were. And AZ finds that Crowley's vast knowledge of sex may just make up for her own lacking knowledge when it comes to writing her book.
- Mod D
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buddierecs · 3 days
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post season 7 buddie fics
in honour of season 8 coming out in a few days, here is a list of fics that have been released over the hiatus set post season 7. all of these are general audience, teen and up or not rated (no smut) make sure to kudos/comment on these amazing works :)
ice cream before dinner (my beloved) by: cloudydaisies "gerrard messes with the team's schedules and eddie 'i just drove my son to flee the state' diaz is the only option to watch mara and jee-yun after school on tuesdays, which, shouldn't be a problem at all, right?" word count: 58k important tags: girl!uncle eddie, fluff, friends to lovers, love confessions, feelings realisation, minor buck/tommy, family feels take me home (to my heart) by: literalmetaphor "eddie and maddie end up in an impossible situation." word count: 20k important tags: car accidents, injury, hurt!eddie diaz, hurt!maddie han, maddie & eddie friendship, worried!evan buckley, getting together it's always on the tip of my tongue by: allyasavedtheday "eddie diaz vs the great romance paradigm." word count: 17k important tags: character study, therapy, emotional hurt/comfort, falling in love, demisexual!eddie diaz all my little words by: youbetsya "eddie: did you just send me an email?? buck: yeah lol eddie: why… i dont think you’ve ever emailed me actual words before. just stuff to print when your printer is broken buck: did you read it? eddie: Not yet. too busy trying to figure out why the fuck you’re emailing me buck: just read it dude 🙄" word count: 11k important tags: texting, idiots in love, getting together, eddie diaz mustache three strikes and you're out by: eightpackdiaz "buck's soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend chooses to ignore him every time the kiss cam points in their direction. eddie does the opposite" word count: 3.1k important tags: minor buck/tommy, cheating, kiss him, jealous!eddie diaz, tommy kinard bashing, first kiss a honey shade of blue by: hattalove "one toddler, two conversations, and so many missed opportunities for buck to act like a guy not in love with his best friend." word count: 8k important tags: getting together, pining!evan buckley, first kiss catatonia by: dqstcrdly "buck and eddie get into a car accident, buck thinks eddie is dead, and goes catatonic about it." word count: 13k important tags: car accidents, near death experiences, love confessions, angst, hurt/comfort, getting together, tommy kinard bashing knowing me, knowing you by: kiwibuckley "five times eddie was the better (boy)friend, and the one time he was the boyfriend" word count: 10k important tags: 5+1 things, friends to lovers, getting together, minor buck/tommy, tommy kinard bashing, eddie diaz loves evan buckley, petty!eddie diaz, pining sweet talk by: daisies_and_briars "eddie asks to crash at the loft while christopher is gone, struggling to be on his own. only problem? there's only one bed, and no couch." word count: 6.5k important tags: there was only one bed, minor buck/tommy, healing, couch theory this postcard tells you where we've been by: daisies_and_briars "eddie finds a collection of postcards buck sent to chris over his summer in el paso." word count: 3.5k important tags: getting together, first kiss, fluff, christopher diaz has two dads glass on the pavement under my shoe by: doitgently "buck takes a great big tumble. like always, eddie is right behind him." word count: 9.4k important tags: near death experience, major character injury, love confessions, angst with happy ending you'd have to stop the world (just to stop the feeling) by: wenttoafortuneteller "the eddie diaz gay realization arc we all deserve. in which bobby puts some pieces together, chimney sees something he shouldn’t, hen gets to have a conversation she’s been waiting to have for years, and buck can’t understand why his best friend is avoiding him." word count: 23k important tags: character study, catholic guilt, pre-relationship, self-discovery, self-acceptance, feelings realisation hope it hurts, burns & you finally grieve me by: dylaesthetics "eddie spontaneously visits a church and things fall into place." word count: 4.8k important tags: character study, religious guilt, angst, friends to lovers, getting together
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ttjisung · 2 days
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back 2 u 𝜗𝜚
p. jisung x fem!reader smau
in which jisung does his best to avoid you, his ex, until he realizes his mistake far too late cw: suggestive themes, bad angst, cheating, swearing
i'm not going back, back, back, back, back
masterlist
previous next
chapter i. (wc: 1.1k)
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“I just don’t get it Yang… He was supposed to be my soulmate.” You sobbed into your best friend’s shoulder for the hundredth time in the day, more tears forming at the memory of your abrupt break-up. 
Yangyang simply sighed, holding you closer while offering you another tissue. “He’s an asshole, Y/n. Just forget about him.” You quickly shook your head in denial, forcing yourself further into the male’s arms. Dejun, your other best friend, cringed in pity at the scene. You looked horrible - your hair disheveled, your eyes puffy and red, and your clothes very obviously dirty. 
It had been three days since Park Jisung called you to his apartment, telling you he knew about your ‘secret’ and announcing your relationship was over. You were left confused and heartbroken outside of Jisung’s door, holding a random cardboard box full of your own belongings. You tried reasoning with him for well over half an hour until he seemingly got tired of you and kicked you out to the curb, leading you to cry your heart out to your friends instead. You wondered if this was affecting him as much as it was affecting you. Although he seemed reserved to others, you had spent enough time with him to learn about his emotional nature. Nonetheless, there was no way to know about his state, considering all of your mutual friends had taken his side, blocking you after cussing you out. It was as if your world had completely shifted that day, only leaving behind your own two best friends to pick you up and take care of you, because God knows you weren’t going to. 
It didn’t take a genius to figure out why Jisung broke up with you. For some reason, he thought you had cheated on him. Unknowingly to him, there was no truth behind this accusation considering you were deeply in love with him and would never think about hurting him in such a manner. The fact that you were innocent only added to your frustration, trying to reach out to him in several ways to explain yet he wouldn’t allow you.
In a desperate last attempt, you messaged your old best friend Huang Renjun who had actually set the two of you up, only to find out your message never went through. He had blocked you as well, alongside every other friend of his you knew. Dejun, furious at them for not even listening to you, took your phone as soon as you arrived at his shared apartment with Yangyang, blocking them all back except for Jisung, only because you begged him not to. In your head, soon he’d realize his mistake and message you, reconciling immediately. It had been two days since you last messaged him though, and the hope was slipping through your fingers due to his radio silence. His threat to block you was a sign enough that he had no interest in speaking to you.
“I… I know he said not to message him, but maybe I could show up to his place? He can’t block me in real life…” Your friends were quick to voice their disagreement with your plan, Yangyang taking the lead. “Look, Y/n, I’m sorry but maybe it’s time to maybe contemplate moving on. If he truly cared he would have listened to you by now.” “You don’t get it Yang, obviously he thinks I cheated on him so naturally he won’t believe me. I just have to show him I didn’t.” You reasoned, earning concerned glances from your friends. You didn’t realize how delusional you sounded, yet you were too sensitive to get made fun of so they held back, simply consoling you further.
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Despite the constant warnings from your friends, you were dead-set on getting Jisung to listen to you, so you did as you planned, buying his favorite food and some flowers as a gift and making your way to his familiar apartment. Alongside the gifts, you had written him a letter explaining the situation, just in case he wasn’t home.
It took you fifteen minutes to gain the courage to enter the elevator, yet you eventually did it. Pressing the number to his floor, you fidgeted uncomfortably at the silence until the doors slowly opened, allowing you to walk to his door. 
Just as you were about to gently knock your fist on his door, you heard three familiar voices. Huang Renjun, Lee Donghyuck, and of course, Park Jisung. You subconsciously smiled, having missed hearing them, and although it added to the nerves, you felt more determined to walk inside and prove your innocence. That was until you heard what the familiar voices were saying. 
“She was kind of annoying sometimes, honestly.” Donghyuck was the first voice you were able to make out, although muffled, making you press your ear closer to hear what he was saying. “You cursed Ji by setting them up, Jun.” A laugh came out from his mouth. “It’s not my fault dude, I didn’t know she was weird like that.” “It’s fine. I won’t be answering her anyway.” It had been so long since you had heard Jisung’s voice, and although the familiar tone made you want to smile, understanding what he was saying had the opposite effect, and before you realized it, there were several tears running down your face. “I have some chicks that asked me for your number, Ji. Maybe it’s time to rebound.” Your heart broke at Donghyuck’s suggestion. You two hadn’t been as close as you and Renjun, yet you still considered him someone you cared for, so to hear him sabotage your relationship in such a manner made you deeply upset. You held your breath waiting for Jisung’s response, hoping he’d deny. “I think I’m good.” Your heart swelled with hope for a second before it broke again at his next words, “Actually, maybe. Text me their numbers.” 
Not wanting to hear anything further, you left the gifts at his door. You muffled your own sobs with your hands, slipping the letter on top of the items, yet a cry made it through and you panicked realizing footsteps were approaching the door. Quickly rushing to the end of the hallway where there was a blind spot, you heard it opening. “Holy shit, she’s a stalker Ji.” “That’s it… I’m blocking her.” 
You regretted coming, cursing yourself for not listening to your friends. After hearing the voices stop and the door shut again, you waited a minute before returning to the hallway. It wasn’t until you neared the elevator that you saw your gifts in the trash can near his unit, with the letter sitting idly on top of the other garbage. 
You dissociated for the rest of your walk home, falling onto your bed and immediately falling asleep, yet making sure to block him back before. You decided you would listen to Yangyang and Dejun from now on.
Maybe it was time to move on.  
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a/n: haechan when i catch you...
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xetlynn · 1 day
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Twilight Imagines- Benjamin
First Sight
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[Masterlist]
Requested by: @twilightlover2007
Summary: in where the Cullens are getting multiple covens together to help them convince the Volturi that Renesmee is not a danger Benjamin spots [Name] and is immediately enamored by her. Even with her two year old daughter. Also finding out they have similar abilities.
I sit in the living room with Bella and Edward as we watch Renesmee play with Athaliah. I cross my arms, holding myself. "How do you feel?" Edward asks me suddenly and I turn to him. "Read my mind." I roll my eyes, he scoffs out a laugh. "I'm asking so you can let it out."
He responds, I look back to the girls. "Yeah, we haven't talked much since you found out about her." Bella chimes into the conversation. I frown for a second.
"It's a weird situation, I don't really know how I feel." I tell them in all honesty. One second Renesmee was a newborn and seconds later she was months old and now she's physically 4 years old.
"I just wish we didn't have to deal with the Volturi. Once again." I hold my head in my hands. Last time we dealt with them was when I turned into a vampire, Athatliah was only 16 months old. They were worried that I would turn Athaliah.
We had to convince them I wouldn't go near her until I had control over my thirst and she wouldn't know anything about us until she was the age of turning or if anything I would fake my death and she'd never see us again. It's something I don't even want to consider. It's something I have 16 years until I have to truly think about. The Volturi believed us when Aro looked into Edward's mind along with mine. Also with the fact that my ability was strong, I would put up a fight. They didn't need any of their men dead.
"I wish that woman just talked to us before running straight to the Volturi. She's also going to get killed." I lift my head back up. Renesmee takes Athaliah over to us and they both smile. I pick up my daughter, placing her on my lap. Edward doing the same with his daughter.
"All right, lovely, it's time for a nap." I stand up. "I'll meet you guys outside." I tell my two best friends before walking upstairs. They have a crib that was originally for Renesmee in Edward's old room. I place Athaliah down. I could tell she was tired so when she started crying I knew it was only for a few minutes.
The first year of her life I cried almost every time she cried. I couldn't handle it. My mom was a huge help since Athaliah's dad left in the beginning of my pregnancy. His parents moved to a whole different state so he didn't have to be a father to our baby. I grieved the relationship in the beginning. I don't really care anymore.
Bella was the only friend I've had ever since giving birth. Other people judged right away. Not Bella. She sometimes would babysit for me if I had to work and no daycare. My mom would pay her as well. Edward then started to help with her. Then he bonded with Athaliah as well. They both became an aunt and uncle to my daughter. I am forever grateful for them.
When her cries stop I snap out of my thoughts. Quietly slipping out of the room. I go downstairs and join everyone outside. Bella and Edward showing the new vampires renesmee's gift. I look off into the distance to see Carlisle and Esme coming our way with three new people. They're from the Egyptian Coven, they drink human blood. I lock eyes with the younger looking man. His eyes were a dark red. They felt entrancing. I couldn't look away. That was until Rosalie comes up to me.
"Could you help me with something?" She asks in a quiet tone, I furrow my eyebrows but nod my head. Following after her. Feeling eyes watch me the entire time. The blonde leads me back into the house where Zafrina, Kachiri, and Senna were standing in our way. "These ladies are from the Amazon coven. They wanted to meet you." Rosalie speaks softly, I place a hand on my chest, confused on why they would want to speak to me. "They've heard of your ability." Emmett tells me, I let out a little 'oh' standing straighter.
"Zafrina likes meeting people similar to her. Having incredible gifts." Kachiri informs me. "What's your gift?" I tilt my head, intrigued. The quiet woman smiles slightly, staring at me. Focusing on something and then suddenly I'm not in the house anymore. I'm back outside. But not our outside. A different place. A place I've never seen before. It was gorgeous.
Then I'm back in the house and I stare at her with wide eyes. "That... was amazing." I tell her, utterly in shock. She grins back to me. "We'd like to see your ability." Kachiri says, I make a face, turning to Rosalie and Emmett who nod their heads for me to do it. "We'd uh, we would have to go outside." I lead the way outside, in front of the porch. The three from the Amazon Coven stand on the porch with Rosalie, Emmett was standing in the door frame.
I smile to them as the cloud above us gets darker than earlier. Their expressions are confused until I bring my arms in the air and it starts raining. It was sprinkling at first then thunder struck. I felt the others crowd around me. I then make it storm. Everyone getting soaked. And then suddenly it stops as I stop focusing on the sky. I take a deep breath. The others begin to clap.
"That's just a tiny bit of what she can do." Emmett roars out, I nod my head sheepishly. "How did you find that out?" One of the Denali sisters ask me. "When I turned, the pain caused a storm. The wind was strong. The weather was insane that night. Later on when I wasn't paying attention and every time I had a huge emotion, a storm began every time. It's a lot easier to control now." I smile as I then make it begin to snow. Renesmee runs up to me with a huge smile. I pick her up so she can play with the snowflakes.
"This is a powerful ability... The Volturi would have no chance against us." Garrett laughs beside Kate who has a tiny smirk on her face. "You could deflect my electricity and make it more powerful." She tells me, lifting one of her hands to show me the electricity coming out of it.
Then everyone begins to talk to one another about it. I place Renesmee down, she holds my hand though instead of running off. I listen outside of the others to see if Athaliah has woken up but her breathing is still slowed. I can tell she's about to wake up. Her naps aren't very long lately.
A person walks up to me, startling me. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you." It was the younger looking man from the Egyptian Coven. I wave a hand. "It's alright, I was trying to make sure my daughter was still sleeping." I sigh out, looking down to my niece who was staring up at the man.
"Your daughter?" He asks, looking around. "Her name's Athaliah." I tell him, we begin to walk inside the house, Renesmee sticking by my side because I think she knows we're going to see my girl. "Beautiful name." He compliments, I quietly thank him. His looks are entrancing I can barely focus on what is being said.
It goes silent between us until Renesmee speaks up in a small sweet tone. "He can make tornados, smaller than yours though." I smile down at her. "Really?"
I've only created a tornado once and right as it formed we made it disappear. That was before Renesmee was born though. Of course Emmett told her about it though. "Our gifts are incredibly similar." He tells me. Before he can say anything else though I hear my daughter begin to stir. Her tiny whines sounding out to down here. "Oh, I have to go, I'll be back." I step up the first couple of steps. He stands there, I can tell her wishes to say something though.
Renesmee was already running to the bedroom though. "What's your name?" I ask him.
"Benjamin." He says. I smile. "Beautiful name." I then head up the stairs.
Renesmee is playing with Athaliah through the bars of the crib. I smile, heading over to them and picking up my daughter. "Let's go play downstairs." Renesmee says, taking my hand once again and dragging me back down. Benjamin was still standing there just as he was before I left.
I was glad to be honest. I was hoping he waited for me. "This is Athaliah, Athaliah, meet Benjamin." I bounce her on my hip, pointing to the beautiful man. She tiredly looks to him.
Then suddenly doing grabby hands at him for him to take her. I furrow my eyebrows. It usually takes her a minute to get used to new people. He sticks his hand out, letting her grab onto it. It wasn't enough though she lunges her body forward so he could take her out of my arms. I laugh. "Sorry, you don't have to-"
"I don't mind as long as you don't." He puts his hands out and I shrug my shoulders, handing her over to him. Renesmee watches, a little bit annoyed until Edward comes in and tells her to go with him somewhere. I watch as my daughter puts his face into her hands. I then wondered if that was a good idea looking at his eyes which were red. Meaning he eats humans.
I bit my lip. He looks over to me and I think he can sense my worry. He gives me a short smile and places Athaliah down. She walks back to me, hugging my legs. She's still waking up.
Later in the night Bella and I were getting the girls to sleep. Athaliah sprawled out, her arm going over Renesmee's torso. She's holding onto her hand. I look up to see Bella looking at someone. I trace where. It was Benjamin who was sitting beside Jacob. He was staring at me though. "He seems enamored by you." She whispers, careful not to wake the kids. I snort out a laugh. "Yeah, okay. He wants a single mom." I joke, rolling my eyes.
"I mean the whole time he's been here he's been staring at you. He keeps trying to talk with you and he's brought you up to us every chance he gets. Asking about your ability." She informs me and I give her a look. "Yeah, he's interested in my ability. Not me." I sit up straight, crossing my legs.
"You're so oblivious, [Name]." She comments, sitting up as well. We eventually get up listening to Vladimir and Stefan talk about how they despise the Volturi and why. They were characters, that was for sure.
I sit down by the fire, a log was already there but no one else was there. They all went to different areas of the woods. I stared at the flames wondering how tomorrow was going to go. Someone sat beside me but neither of us spoke. I didn't even move my head to see.
"[Name]." The person speaks up after moments of silence. I hum out in response. "I uh I've never been left this speechless before. I don't know what to say around you." It was Benjamin, I smile to myself before turning to face him. "I'm boring, I apologize." I say, now just observing his features and I wonder what he was like as a human. If he was always this perfect.
"No, you're not at all. You make me nervous. It's a feeling I don't think I've ever experienced." His eyes lock with mine and I badly want to look away. But I can't. I'm stuck in place. "When did you turn?" I slightly change the subject. "1815." My eyes widen to his answer. He begins to laugh at my reaction. "Sorry, that was rude." I rub my hands together, finally looking away due to embarrassment.
"I expected it, when did you turn?"
"Last year."
"A newborn practically and you're that in control of your ability?" He seemed to be surprised.
"I couldn't control my ability completely until maybe six years after turning." He then ignites fire from his pointer finger. "You control the elements?" I ask in amazement. "And you control the weather." He states.
"Our abilities are incredibly similar." I laugh, excited. Watching the flames on his finger tip before he closes his fist and it goes away.
For hours we talk about our abilities, about his life before turning. I do the same. Telling him a bit about Athaliah. It never felt like a bad subject bringing her up like it usually does with men.
He actually asks about her and that's where I feel he doesn't want to be with me but to be friends.
"Your daughter truly has your looks." We both look to my sleeping daughter who is still sprawled out. I smile. "Thank you. She's my everything." I tell him.
"I can tell."
"I'm interested in getting to know you more." Benjamin says, this time he cautiously takes my hand into his. Making sure I was okay with it before gripping a little tighter. "What do you want to know?" I nervously ask.
"No, I mean courting you. You being mine, me being yours." He explains, I scrunch my nose before saying. "it might be forward, I know this. But you, seeing you, talking to you today. It only makes me want to be yours more."
"What about Athaliah, she comes with, we're a package deal. I'm a single mother. She's human, you eat off... humans." I take my hand back, now giving him a serious expression. It feels crazy but I feel the same way. I feel so strongly for him and I can't lose it but I also have to put my child first.
"I'll love her as my own. I'll eat animals for you both. I'll learn." He assures me, I pause for a moment.
"This feels crazy." I laugh out. "But I'll give it a try. I'm interested in getting to know you more." Even though we don't know what's going to happen tomorrow I don't care. I deserve to be happy even for a little bit.
——————
I almost deleted this whole thing after finishing it.
Heart was racing. Almost cried.
If you want to request anything lmk!
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tuesday again 9/24/2024
you might be wondering “is my dear friend tumblr user girlfriendsofthegalaxy still unemployed?” the answer is yes. take this cat off my hands please i don’t think he’s causing the unemployment but he certainly isn’t helping
listening
via Wendy @dying-suffering-french-stalkers, Huoy Meas' ប្រគល់ក្ដីស្នេហ៍មកខ្ញុំវិញ. figuring out what this incredibly zippy Cambodian rock song is named and what it's about was really difficult bc spotify is a bane upon this earth and won't let you fucking copy-paste and OCR was not working on the Khmer script. i ended up listening to the first couple seconds of each of her songs on apple music, and finally figured out this roughly translates to Give Me Back My Love and is about begging a fuckboy for closure.
youtube
via the spotify discover weekly, Night Club's Pretty Girls Do Ugly Things. all Night Club's songs sound the same so if you like one, great news! i had this song on for a full gregorian hour bc, i am only a tiny bit ashamed to say, i was storyboarding a The Man With No Name fancam to this. i think it would go pretty hard.
Smoke you like a cigarette Choke you like a lariat Fatalistic tourniquet Do you want more?
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reading
thank you mackintosh.
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i did not Adore any of these comics from the library. i sort of enjoyed Night of the Ghoul, a one-volume TPB by Scott Snyder and Francesco Francavilla. i think ive blogged about this before but every once in a while i'll get a bee in my bonnet to read some horror comics even though i am a giant baby about horror movies.
Night of the Ghoul is about how you can't save your dad from PTSD but also about a lost horror film and also about the extremely dad behavior of tracking down every scrap of info about an auteur. there's also a monster.
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the subtle art changes from present day to the remains of the film to the non-film flashbacks are well done, imo. the cover screams mignola but the inside pages are really fun pulp nonsense. i love a piece of genre writing that rolls around and delights in being a piece of genre writing.
im doing my level best not to get sucked into tiktok but i DO love watching this lady revive antique nail polish and look for dupes for shades from like the 20s. she found an almost exact dupe for a shade produced during wwii which is crazy insane to me!!!
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watching
The Asphalt Jungle (1950, dir. Huston), it's a very painterly heist noir. i even like Sterling Hayden in one of the more prominent roles, even though i think he generally has the appeal of undercooked dough.
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much like Fritz Lang's M, it presents the criminal element of the city as its own class with its own reputation and reference systems. it got in some trouble with the censors for having a VERY clearly laid out heist plan and execution. it's also got the babiest Marilyn Monroe in one of her earliest roles
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this was such a gloriously messy movie. everyone is such a fucking mess. this woman only known as Doll is heartbreakingly, head over heels in love with Sterling Hayden's character. she's a little flighty and bumbling and silly, but determined! they're constantly orbiting the gravitational weight of her desire for this man and desire for a real life with this man. and that's just one subplot! she has maybe five minutes total screentime! she should have gotten a supporting actress oscar!!! everyone acted their fucking hearts out and it was so much fun to watch!
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playing
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monument valley is in the netflix games library this month (i don't actually know what their liscencing agreements would even look like, they and the studios they worked with were very tightlipped about that when they were rolling this out three years ago) but i assume it's going to be on the service for a while. i have never played this game, which makes me feel a little bit like a bad gamer. you can tell it's ten years old from some of the color and texture choices, but WOW did literally everyone take inspiration from this game.
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this is the platonic ideal of a phone game. i get why everyone went insane about it and there was a brief boom of geometry-based puzzle mobile games. it is MUCH much harder now to get people to pay money to play a game that has a planned endpoint and planned number of levels, so netflix is a good home for it.
i was often frustrated but always delighted. the level below involves making something happening that made me genuinely gasp out loud in glee. well worth the annoyance of downloading the netflix app and scrolling through the poorly labeled and poorly sorted carousel of games.
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great retrospective, a bit about how you need to have tiny teams go off and just kind of fuck around and bring weird stuff back, and a lot about how they actually designed the levels
The end result had a pixel-perfect axonometric aesthetic that not only went hard on its references to Dutch master artist and printmaker Maurits Cornelis Escher, but also dug deep into classic video game design, going right back to early arcade machines and 8-bit titles. Each of the ten levels is like a piece of fine furniture, built with invisible dovetail joints and inlaid with marquetry, stuffed with secret compartments and little design flourishes. Gray cites the world of theatre and stage design, as well as graphics, as important keystones in the way the levels were constructed. ‘Ken would always talk about flower arranging, and how you frame a silhouette of a level on the screen,’ he says.
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making
update on the Phantom Menace fabric: pinked the raw edges and threw it in the laundry again with a very large quantity of vinegar. 50% poly was too high for it to really do anything, which is interesting. it didn’t lessen the seam edge effects either, which is a little annoying bc the seams were so gigantic and that’s a good chunk of fabric to lose. i am going to buy a camp shirt pattern at some point when i have money again but for now it goes in The Box
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also! thrifted a pack of o-rings for jars for a dollar and finally put my grains etc in my pretty jars. they’re going to live in the pantry but today they live out on the countertop
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Assassin, Part 4
Warning: alcohol, graphic description of a bipolar crash and panic attack (or, at least how I experience them). Please take care of yourselves and don't read if you think it might trigger you. Much love to my fellow rapid-cyclers. 💚
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3
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Stepping into the foyer, the soft darkness envelopes him. Holding the door gently, he makes a futile attempt to mitigate the screaming hinges, before giving up and just closing the damn thing.
He's tired. It feels like he's been running a marathon, and as far as the exhausted muscle in his chest is concerned, he has. It's been pounding like a god damn drum, nonstop, for hours.
If you asked him, he couldn't tell you a word that was said during the ceremony. You'd consumed his senses, filled them completely. He only looked away from you once, to fumble in his pocket for the ring, otherwise he couldn't stop his eyes from roaming over every inch of you. He caught your scent on the evening wind, and the spinning in his chest turned faster.
He tried to hold onto his thoughts, but they ripped from his grasp as they started to spiral. He clenched his jaw, he had to hold it together. He was the Best Man at his best friend's wedding and he had shit he was responsible for. But his mind has always been a bigger beast than he is.
Look at her.
Fuck, she's beautiful.
She's perfect.
Your kind of perfect.
This will never be you, you know.
Freak.
Unwanted.
If you were human, you'd be together already.
If you were human, you'd probably be engaged by now.
Why does she waste her time on you?
All you do is drag her down.
Chain her to the sewers when she should be living a real life.
With a real person.
Why?
Why do you do that?
Why are holding her prisoner just so you can feel better about yourself?
He couldn't hear past the rush in his ears, but he was vaguely aware that there was cheering around him. Then you'd turned to look at him, smiling like the sun, and the answer crashed over him like a violent wave.
You're a monster.
He stops just short of the sitting room, eyes closing and jaw clenching, as the memory floods him.
You'd turned to him and smiled and for one moment everything stopped. You were the only thing that existed in the universe. You *were* the universe.
That's when he hit the wall.
A sharp inhale was the only outward indication of the crash. But inside, he was screaming.
You're light streaked through his veins like fire along saltpetre. Burning away all pretense. No matter how much he wanted, no matter how much he needed, he would never be more than this. He could dance with you, sing with you, laugh and cry with you, but he could never ever love you.
Unacceptable.
Unworthy.
Unloved.
The guests in attendance began to disperse, while the bridal party stuck around for pictures. Through the smoke haze he could see very little, and could hear equally as well, though his body seemed to know what it was doing. He had no choice but to trust it.
His heart was pounding, and he's pretty sure at some point Casey thanked him, but his only thought by that point was to get away from everyone.
As soon as there was an opening, his body excused itself and made for the house. He was winded by the time he reached the side opposite the party, the panic attack threatening to consume him.
He put a hand on the wall, leaning against it with his head down, trying to breathe through the burning. His hand flexed and the antique wood siding of the house cracked under his fingers. He ripped his hand away, scalded.
You destroy everything you touch.
He'd stumbled backward, staring at the spiderweb cracks left behind by his fingers, a dry sob escaping him.
What hope does she have?
Eyes closed tight, he balled his hands into fists and pushed everything down. Get it together, he'd berated himself, you still have shit to do.
Three deep shuddering breaths and then he could breathe evenly. He locked the panic down tight and opened his eyes. It would hit him later, and twice as hard, but this was more important. Just a few more hours.
The reception was a blur of flashing light and discordant sound, and he avoided you for most of it. Or tried to, anyway. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't escape you.
Four separate times you had hunted him down and begged him to dance with you. And as the champagne flowed, and the night spun on, you became harder to avoid.
"Boo!" you said, peeking around the bar at him, grinning. Your cheeks were flushed pink from drink and dancing, and your scent wrapped around him with the night air. He tightened his jaw and tried not to breathe.
"Yoooouuuuuu've... been avoiding me," you accused, slinking around the wall, practically lying against it.
"Busy," he rumbled, starting to mix a drink for no one, and not looking at the siren calling to him.
"Oh come on, Red," you'd pouted, standing up from the wall, "The night's almost over and you haven't danced with me once." You walked over to him "Please? You've been working this whole time, come have some fun. I promise the reception won't fall apart without you." You teased, placing a hand on his forearm.
He froze the moment you touched him. He was shaking and he prayed to anyone who would listen that you wouldn't notice. The last thing he needed was you knowing that something was wrong. you cared about him too much, and your knee-jerk would be to fix it.
His hand tightened around the high ball and Mike popped his head around the corner like a god damn superhero, "Hey, they need you for the bouquet toss."
"Okay, one sec," you replied, and he disappeared again. "Please try and have *some* fun tonight?" You squeezed his arm gently, before letting go.
When you removed your hand his skin burned, and it wasn't until you were out of sight that he risked breathing again. He'd set down the glass, braced himself on the bar, and closed his eyes so he didn't have to see the cracks in the glass where he'd been gripping it too hard. He drew a deep breath.
He wasn't going to make it.
Snatching the bottle and leaving the broken glass, he made for the house. He skirted the perimeter of the reception, trying to be as inconspicuous as a 6'5, 350lb, bipedal turtle dressed in a tux can be.
He heard the countdown and made the mistake of looking over as April's bouquet flew through the air. You weren't even trying, you were talking, but, as if the Gods were punishing him, it had landed in your hands anyway, and he felt his pounding heart clench.
He watched as one of the other guests came up to you and placed a very human hand on your arm, presumably asking you to dance.
It will never be you.
He turned and continued toward the house until he heard familiar clumsy footsteps coming up the hill behind him.
"Hey, where's the fire, Red? Oops!" You'd said, giggling as you nearly tripped.
Your voice pierced him like an arrow, pinning him in place. He tried to take a deep breath as quietly as he could, but you've always been too good at reading him and asked if he was okay.
You'd persisted when he tried to brush you off, and he'd come up with some excuse. The longer you stayed there with him, the faster his resolve was crumbling, and he didn't want to fall apart in front of you. This was not your problem, and there was no point in runining your night, or your friendship.
He attempted to sidestep you, and you'd brushed against his arm. Your touch seared him, and reflex caught your wrist in his hand. For the first time in hours he met your gaze.
Disgusting.
Unworthy.
Why? Why make him this way? Why give him the ability to fall in love at all if he wasn't allowed to? What kind of cruel bastard...
Your wrist flexed in his hand and you looked up at him with an expression that said, I'm here. Whatever it is, I'm here. It's a familiar look, and it brought him back to himself. You're always the one he runs to. Now he was running away.
He dropped your hand, muttering an apology and fled without another word, leaving you behind.
Heart hammering in his chest, he nearly stumbled with the force of it. He made it to the other side of the house and collapsed, a wave crashing over him. He couldn't breathe. He was drowning, pulling in air, and getting nothing except dizzy.
On his knees, hands pressed to the ground beneath, it felt like his shell was crushing him. He maneuvered himself to sitting on the cold slate tiles, pulling his knees up to his chest.
There were no more words inside his head, only screaming, and he squeezed his eyes shut, and gripped his head tight, begging for it to stop. Some vague part of him was aware that he was crying, but any thoughts were swept up into the vortex inside of him.
The panic attack held him, shackled to his faults, for seventeen minutes, but it could have been a year. By the time he finally felt it begin to subside, he was exhausted and trembling.
He'd retrieved the bottle of whiskey that had rolled under the nearby bench, and, with great effort, managed to pull himself onto it. He'd held onto the bench to steady himself, before opening the bottle and drinking nearly half of it.
He remained there until his father found him.
He takes another deep breath, exhaustion seated heavy, like a stone in his chest, and rests a hand on the wall beside him. He needs sleep. He continues to make his way toward his room at the back of the house, passing by the open archway to the sitting room.
Where he finds you.
...
Less a lover, more a fighter
But I'm tired of fighting to hold on
Got too many scars to hide them
So it's easier being on my own
But you
Shoot first, draw blood, before I know
Yeah you
One shot, one touch, and I let go
How did this happen?
My walls were up and
You moved without a sound
Never imagined, like an assassin
One look to me down
Assassin - Sultan + Shepherd
...
Tag List:
Tag list:
@thelaundrybitch @the-cauldron-witch @fyreball66 @ninnosaurus @tmntngl @thegirlwiththeninjaturtletattoos @zagreustomb @ramielll
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stellarsturniolos · 2 days
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━━ ⟢‘MEANT TO BE’ ╰  MATTHEW STURNIOLO.
pairing: matt sturniolo x plus-sized!reader
content warning: mentions of insecurity & comparison, brief mention of bullying, reader struggles with body image, cursing.
A/N: reblogs and likes are appreciated! i do NOT give consent for my work to be copied or uploaded to any other platform. thank you. this is my first time posting my writing in years, so please be kind. ily.
falling in love with your childhood best friend, matthew bernard sturniolo, was not something you saw coming. although you probably should’ve seen it coming.
you grew up with matt, nick and chris and you’ve always been incredibly close with all three of them — but matt was always special. the two of you had a very unique bond from the moment you met. being around matt was an instant serotonin boost for you, every time you saw him. 
matt was always your overzealous protector — he was always around to make you feel safe, whether it be from something as small as a bumble bee or from something more severe like the assholes who bullied you in high school.
he never failed to make you feel beautiful. every time you saw him, even if it was just on facetime, he complimented you. any time you felt insecure about your body, he was there to comfort you and let you know that he thought you were perfect as you were. 
you always just assumed he did all of those things because he was a very good best friend. even when he would intertwine his fingers with your own, or hold you in his arms a little too tight when you’d hug him goodbye, and you’d feel the fluttery sensation of butterflies in your stomach, you never thought you were in love with him.
you finally came to terms with your true feelings for matt when he went on a date with a flawless instagram model who slid into his dms because she was a fan of the triplets youtube channel. 
you tried to be happy for him. you really did. but the jealousy nearly ate you alive.
for the entire duration of his date, you tried your best to distract yourself — you tried to read your favorite chapters of your favorite book, and you even turned on your most beloved episode of your favorite tv show, but nothing kept your attention. 
you found yourself looking at every photo the model he was on a date with had ever posted on instagram. and comparing yourself to her. she’s tiny, you’re heavy. she has clear skin, you don’t. she’s beautiful, you’re not. 
the insecurity was tearing you apart, slowly but surely. 
you felt sad because you wanted matt to want you. but he was on a date with a hot model who had millions of followers and a perfect body.
and you?
you didn’t look nearly as pretty as she did. not to mention you were just an average college student. you weren’t famous, you didn’t have an abundance of cash lying around, you didn’t understand what it was like to be an influencer. not the way she did. 
what did you have to offer matt? absolutely nothing. but that didn’t stop you from wanting him. 
you felt tears blur your vision and you quickly blinked them away. you didn’t want to cry. 
when you heard a knock on your apartment door, you were pulled out of the hateful thoughts you were thinking about yourself. it was nearly dark outside and you weren’t expecting company, but as they say, curiosity killed the cat. so you opened the door.
you were both surprised and pleased to see matt on the other side of the door.
“oh. hi, matty.” your smile was faint. “not that i’m unhappy to see you, but.. aren’t you supposed to be on a date right now?” 
“i was on a date. but i left.” he said, pushing past you and walking into your apartment. he started pacing and let out a deep sigh. “i left because i don’t want to date her. i.. i wanna date someone else.” 
you felt your heart fall into your ass and you almost forget to respond. of course he’s in love with someone. that’s just your luck. “oh, um.. okay. am i allowed to ask who the lucky girl is?” 
he just stared at you for a long moment — his big, wide, beautiful blue eyes almost stared a hole through your soul.
he moved closer to you and laced his fingers with yours, which wasn’t unusual. you two held hands all the time. but your heart still skipped a beat. 
“i need to tell you something,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “but i need to make something clear first. if you don’t feel the way i feel, i’ll understand, okay? you’re always gonna be my best friend. if friendship is all you wanna give me — that’s enough. you’re always enough. but, um.. i just need you to know that i, uh..” he laughed softly, a nervous chuckle, but continued to hold eye contact with you. almost like he was afraid you’d disappear if he looked away. “this is harder than i thought. holy shit. i just.. want you to know that.. i’m really fucking in love with you. and that’s why i left my date tonight.” 
your mind shut off. your brain felt fucking paralyzed. your entire body was frozen. your mouth moved, but no words would come out.
you felt his hand shaking as he held onto you for dear life. “can you, um, say something? please?” 
the vulnerability in his tone made your brain flip a switch and fucking start working again. “matty.” you breathed out his name, then in a soft voice, you asked. “do you really mean it?” 
instead of responding, he pulled you even closer and then suddenly his lips were touching yours. matthew sturniolo’s lips were touching yours. it was soft, almost hesitant, but it was the most perfect kiss you’d ever experienced. 
he pulled back, but he stayed close. so, so close. too close but not close enough at the same time. “i’ve never said anything more fucking true in my life. i love you.” 
with teary eyes and a bright smile, you said. “fuck. i love you so goddamn much, matt sturniolo.” 
the way he smiled at you in that moment lit up his entire face. and your heart. 
he reached up with both hands, grabbed your face and pulled you in for another kiss. this one more heated than the last. 
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Sprinkles Of Romance
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PAIRING || CBF!Young!Tony Stark x CBF!Fem!Reader
WORDCOUNT || 6.8K
SUMMARY || When your dream of opening your coffee shop becomes a reality, you get a lot more than you bargained for. Not only do you get to fall in love with the shop, you also get to fall deeper in love with your best friend.
RATING || Teen (T)
TAGS || Bakery AU. Coffee Shop AU. Childhood Best Friends to Lovers. Mutual pining. Idiots in love.
A/N || SURPRISE! - I wanted to gift you all a special story, and I'm excited to share this story with you all after three weeks of no stories! From the bottom of my heart, I want to thank @ccbsrmsf1 for proofreading and picking this idea for me to write! It has given me the most warm, autumnal, and happy vibes during the writing, and I hope it will give you all a bit of the warmth I enjoy during this time of year! 🤍
A/N 2.0 || This is written for @elixirfromthestars's writing challenge! The prompts used in this story are Coffeeshop AU - Bakery AU - Saying I love you for the first time - “Would it be alright if I borrowed your sweater? It smells like you.” - “I’m only doing it because you’re cute.” - “I’ve seen the way you look at me when you think I don’t notice.” - “I’ve tried to forbid myself from falling in love, but now I can’t help it.” - “And when I felt like I was an old cardigan, under someone's bed. You put me on and said I was your favorite.”
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All graphics are made by @nicoline1998enilocin
Main Masterlist || Tony Stark
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Ever since you were a child, you and Tony were practically inseparable – or, as your mother would say, you two are glued at the hip. Wherever one of you went, the other came along, and this has always stayed the same throughout your life. Tony, Howard, and Maria moved into the house next to yours when you two were still babies, and from the moment you could walk and talk, you and Tony were constantly by each other's sides, getting into all sorts of trouble and going on different kinds of adventures, too.
Throughout it all, you two have also developed deeper, romantic feelings for each other, though neither of you has ever confessed to it to the other. Even though you're both well aware that your friends and family will always support your friendship, relationship, and shared dreams, it is still a hurdle you're unsure how to cross, as neither of you wants to lose the other.
Since you and Tony graduated from business school a few months ago – both getting a degree in how to run a business – you've been on a well-deserved vacation to Italy with all four parents. Still, now that it is over, it's time for you and Tony to return to the real world and hopefully see one of your dreams come true sooner rather than later.
Outside, the weather is turning chillier by the day, and autumn has fully settled over the small town you and Tony call home. The leaves outside are changing colors, and the decoration in your shared apartment has also had a make-over to an autumnal theme, adding to the atmosphere as the smell of freshly baked gingerbread cookies fills the air. While your best friend takes his time to put another batch of said cookies in the oven, the other ones are cooling on the counter, and you are in the middle of getting dressed after a shower.
In front of you is a life-size mirror, and you're checking yourself out from all angles as something about your outfit feels off. You're dressed in a pair of black skinny jeans, black boots, a black tank top, and one of your red flannels – a perfect outfit for the weather outside – but it's missing something. Then, as you walk back to your closet for the third time, it finally hits you. As the idea settles in your brain, you take off the flannel with a growing smirk before your feet pad over the hardwood floors of your apartment.
"Hi, Sprinkle," Tony says as he turns to greet you; the butterflies in your stomach are going wild as they always do when you're met with the sight of your tall, broad best friend. As you make your way up to him, he can't help but let out a shy smile, giving him an adorably sweet expression as you crane your neck to meet his gaze. Tony is a good few inches taller than you – you barely reach shoulder height when you're both standing barefoot next to one another – and it's something that has been a part of many of his fantasies about you, though he wouldn't dare to admit that to anyone.
"Can I ask you something?" you say softly. Even though Tony would never say no to you, you still put on your sweetest, most innocent voice to convince him either way. He hums as his gaze wanders over your soft features, the flushed skin from the shower you took earlier still there.
"Would it be alright if I borrow your sweater?"
It's a straightforward question, and Tony can't help but chuckle as he shakes his head slightly. Most of the sweaters he owns are already in your closet, and you could have picked any of those, but you still proceeded to ask for the one he's wearing. If he weren't already madly in love with you, he would be head over heels now, the butterflies in his stomach going wild as he steps closer to you.
"Hmm, I don't know. Why would you need to borrow the one I'm currently wearing when you have so many others already in your closet, ready to be worn?" he asks as he gently caresses your cheekbone with his thumb, his voice dropping lower while his breath ghosts past your cheek as he leans in a bit.
"Uhm… b-because it smells like y-you," you stammer, and Tony shows a satisfied smirk before humming again, letting you know he heard your answer.
"Alright, my sweet Sprinkle. You can have my sweater, but I'm only doing it because you're cute," he tells you with a smile; the heat you were feeling on your cheeks earlier is now soaring through your entire body as he steps back and removes his sweater. Tony's shirt rises a little as he does, giving you a glimpse of his toned abdomen and the little trail of black hair leading into his pants.
The sight before you leaves you nothing short of breathless, and your heart threatens to pound out of your chest as nothing but pure desire courses through your veins. You've seen him shirtless more times than you could count, but seeing him like this will always be some of the happiest parts of your fantasies about him.
"Sprinkle?" Tony says again, and you snap out of your daydream as you realize he's holding out his sweater for you to wear. As you take it, your fingers brush over his, sending a jolt of electricity through your bodies, letting you know you two are even more connected than you thought possible.
"Thank you," you respond before pulling the oversized sweater over your head. The soft and warm fabric feels like you're getting a hug from Tony. His scent envelops you entirely as you curl into the sweater, the sleeves falling over your hands as they fall into place. The entire time, Tony can't help but admire how his sweater looks on your frame and how perfect you look when wearing his clothes.
Then, the little bell from the oven pulls you both from your thoughts as the next batch of cookies is done, and a pang of disappointment surges through your body for a moment. The moment was perfect, but now it's over, and you must return to reality again.
"Can I bring you back anything from the store?" you ask Tony after you've gathered your purse, keys, and phone, ready to head out and get some more snacks for the movie night hosted at your apartment later tonight.
"A few more bags of chocolate chips, please. Oh, and some peanut butter M&M's!" he says excitedly, and you nod before saying your goodbyes and heading out the door. After putting on your headphones, you head to the store, which is only a 10-minute walk from the apartment. As you look around you, coziness and warmth envelop you, as autumn has always been your favorite time.
The scent of freshly fallen rain hangs in the air as you take your time; your pace slows as you enjoy your surroundings, but something catches your eye. Across the street, there's a large sign saying the store is for rent, and you can't help but go over, wanting to get a closer look. Right next door to the empty store is your favorite bookshop, and on the other side is a small restaurant, which fills the air with the rich smells coming out of its kitchen.
As you look inside, you have a perfect view of the store, which is illuminated by the golden rays of the sun coming through the floor-to-ceiling windows. It's a large space that allows for many possibilities, but the first that comes to mind is one that you and Tony have been dreaming of for years: a bakery with a coffee shop section built in.
Your fantasies come to life before your eyes as you imagine yourself behind the counter, making coffee while your best friend is working on the most delicious pastries that will fill the display with lots of colors. The smells fill the store as soft music plays, and laughter and conversations can be heard. Outside, people can enjoy the sun in the seating area and come in to see what you have to offer.
As you stand there, thinking about all the possibilities, you've completely forgotten about going to the grocery store, as all you can think about now is calling Tony and telling him your thoughts. Between the moment you grab your phone and the moment Tony answers your FaceTime call, barely 5 seconds pass before you're met with his beautiful smile, and a warmth spreads through your chest at the sight.
"Miss me already, Sprinkle?" Tony quips as he answers, making you laugh heartily.
"You know I always miss you when I'm not with you, Tony, but that's not why I'm calling! I was hoping to get your opinions and thoughts on something, as I may have found a way to make one of our dreams come true!" your voice rises about an octave from pure excitement. Before you know it, Tony is on his way to where you're standing, barely five minutes from your apartment.
Within minutes, you see the handsome features of your best friend as he walks closer, and a flurry of butterflies goes wild in your stomach at the sight. His casual style – jeans, sneakers, and a leather jacket thrown over a henley he put on after you took his sweater – is something you've fallen in love with over the years, and it compliments his messy hair and facial hair, making his entire look a combination to die for.
"Hi, Sprinkle," Tony says as he pulls you in for a hug. You can't help but sigh as your cheek is pressed against the firmness of his chest. You can never get enough of his hugs, and you hold on for a little longer than you would with anyone else.
"What's the sigh for?" Tony asks when pulling away, and you feel a burning heat in your cheeks at his question, your gaze avoiding his as you look at the pavement.
"I- Well…" you start as you wring your hands together, "I like hearing your heart beating when I put your head on my chest; it's calming to me," you confess. In any other situation, you would never admit something so personal, but with Tony, it feels right to do it, and you two never have secrets for one another – apart from your romantic feelings.
"You're too sweet, Sprinkle," Tony says with a deep red blush on his cheeks, his hands buried deep in his pockets before he does something stupid. He wants nothing more than to hold your hand or kiss you, but for now, he'll settle for what he can get from you, even if his desire tells him something different. He doesn't want to lose you by doing something stupid, as you're keeping him sane in this lifetime.
"So… what did you want to show me?" Tony then asks, curiosity ultimately getting the best of him now. A broad smile lights up your face as you turn around with spread arms, gesturing towards the store you've been standing in front of the entire time. A large sign telling you that it's for rent is sitting a little to the left of where you're standing, and that's when the coin drops for your best friend.
"You—you want to open a store here?" Tony asks, disbelief shining through in his voice. Not because he's against it in any way—it's been his dream for years already—but because you're not usually the type of person to bring up ideas like this.
"Well, I'd like to have a good look inside first, but from what I can see, I think it's the perfect place to open our bakery and coffee shop! We're right next to the bookstore, which is perfect for when people buy books and read them with some coffee and a treat," you tell him, and he nods in agreement. The placement is excellent, and within 20 minutes of calling the number printed on the large sign, there's a showing scheduled.
"I can't believe we're finally making the first steps to make our dreams come true," you tell Tony as you're still standing in front of the empty store, your hand in his as you squeeze it excitedly. He grabbed it during the phone call to ground himself, and neither of you has let go yet – it feels too good to let the other person go just yet.
That night, when you have your friends Natasha Romanoff and Bruce Banner over for movie night, you can't stop telling them all about your plans, and when you've explained it all to them, you can't stop smiling. The idea of opening a store with Tony has been on your mind for years, and now that it's closer than ever, it's like your entire life is going into a whirlwind of emotions in the best way possible.
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It's been a week since Tony made the appointment for a showing inside the store, and you're having breakfast at the dining room table together. While Tony is dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt, you're wearing your favorite Iron Man pajamas because they're warm and fluffy, perfect for the cooler weather outside.
"How're you feeling about today?" Tony asks between bites of his cereal, and you take a few moments to think about it before answering him.
"Nervous, but excited, too. We've wanted this for so long, and now that it might finally be happening, I can tell that there are a lot of nerves settling in my body," you tell him honestly, and he nods in agreement.
"Me too," he says softly, his gaze meeting yours as you stretch out your hand. His fingers intertwine with yours as he looks at you, a warm smile gracing his stunning features. His facial hair has become a bit more of a beard now, which suits him and only intensifies your feelings for him.
"We're going to be okay, though. We've always done everything together, and this won't be any different," he says, and you nod. Wherever one of you goes, the other will always come along, and it will be that way until the day you die. Then, as you're about to say something, Tony's phone suddenly grabs your attention as he's receiving a call. As soon as he sees who's calling, he turns the screen to you, showing you it's Maria.
“Buongiorno mamma, come stai?”
Each time Tony speaks Italian, you can feel your insides going crazy, as it drives you wild in the best way possible. While you've been attempting to learn Italian over the years, wanting to surprise Tony, something always came along that got your attention instead, so you could never practice enough without letting him know about your plans. While he would be the best teacher, if you want to surprise him one day, you'll have to find a different way.
"We're good; I was just talking to Sprinkle about the showing," he says, and you smile as he mentions you to Maria.
"It's this afternoon, but I'll update you and Dad, okay? I'll tell her you said hi, and I love you, too. Ciao," he says before hanging up, returning his attention to you.
"Mom said hi, and she asked when the showing was even though I told her three times already," he tells you with a chuckle. While Maria is one of the sweetest women you've ever met, she's sometimes not the best at remembering things.
"It's lovely of her to call. I always love how well you and she get along," you tell Tony, and he can't help but blush profusely at your words. He's always been a mama's boy, and he's aware of this fact, but when it's pointed out, he still can't help but turn red – though at the same time, he also loves it because he's very proud of the bond he and Maria share.
Shortly after breakfast, you and Tony are ready to head to the showing, which goes on without a hitch. You meet your landlord – a cheerful man with an Australian accent who introduced himself as Thor Odinson, and before you know it, you're in love with the space. Inside, there's a lot of potential for seating; during the summer, the seating area can be extended onto the sidewalk, too. There's a large counter that can be used as the place where you make coffee and display the pastries. In the back, there's an extensive stockroom and a large kitchen that will be turned into a workspace for Tony, as he will do most of the baking once the shop opens.
"So, what do you think?" Tony asks as you're standing in the stockroom together - Thor has left the two of you alone for a moment after excusing himself to pick up a phone call.
"I think we should go for it. The place has a lot of potential, as you saw, and I think Thor is also very nice," you tell him, and Tony nods. You two are lucky to have a landlord like him if you rent the shop, as he seems to be a hardworking, honest guy who's also in for a joke now and again.
"I agree, Sprinkle. Let's make our dreams come true," Tony answers softly before pulling you in for a hug. The way his arms wrap around you so effortlessly has your heart beating like crazy, your insides feeling like they're on fire as you settle in your best friend's arms. You're about to take the most significant step of your life, and you're happy that you get to do it with Tony.
Within 30 minutes, you, Tony, and Thor go over all the essential details for the lease, and then it's time to sign. Your gaze is trained on Tony as he gets ready to sign, but not without one last look of reassurance. It will all be okay, as you will do it together. There's never one without the other, and it won't be any different during the project of your dreams. When both your signatures are on the lease, Thor thanks you both with a firm handshake, wishing you good luck before he must go to another appointment.
You're holding the keys to your shop and a black, gold, and dark green business card that reads 'Loki Laufeyson | Interior Designer' on it. He comes highly recommended by Thor – though he also said that even though Loki is his brother, he's not just recommending him because of their bond. He's genuinely good at his job, and you don't have a reason to doubt his words.
It's official: you will open your own bakery and coffee shop with your best friend –the man you love. Your dream will come true in a few months, and before you know it, another one of yours will also come true, bringing a lot of joy to your soon-to-be busy lives.
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The past few weeks have been busy, exhausting, and rewarding all at once because even though you and Tony spend almost every single one of your waking hours in the shop to make it nothing short of perfect, it's also going to be an experience you only get to live through for the first time once. You're trying to soak up every second of it. Luckily, you also have help on most days from Loki, who spends his time overseeing the project from an interior designer's perspective, and your friends and family; they all help lighten the load a bit for you both.
Today, Bruce and Natasha have been helping for most of the day, and they have just gone home, leaving you and Tony to finish up for the night. You're sitting on the floor in the middle of the shop, dust, tools, and tarp everywhere, together with a few Chinese take-out boxes around the two of you, when you suddenly hear a noise you can't quite place.
"Do you hear that?" you ask, and without waiting for an answer, you get up, your feet taking you to the source of the noise. On closer investigation, you can hear a soft meow from the back of your shop, where the backdoor is open to let the paint smell evaporate.
"Tony?" you say softly, not wanting to scare the little creature away, as they've most likely been looking for a place to stay warm. The weather outside has taken a drastic turn the past few days, with more rain than you've seen in a long time, and temperature drops to below 50 degrees Fahrenheit regularly. Within seconds of your calling for him, you hear your best friend's footsteps and raise your hand to alert him, as you don't want to scare away the little being in your shop.
"Is that- "
"A cat? Yeah. I think he's looking for a place to stay warm," you say as you bend down to greet the small cat; he won't be much older than a year at most. He's very fluffy, even though he has just come from the rain, and his brown and white fur perfectly complements his piercing blue eyes. He's the most beautiful cat you've ever had the honor of meeting, and you've met a lot in your years on this earth. As you stretch your hand, Tony sits beside you on the floor, and the cat seems courageous and friendly enough to come and say hi.
"He's so cute, Tony; I can't believe the cat distribution system brought us this little guy," you say with a broad smile, making your best friend smile in return. Right now, Tony considers himself to be the luckiest man in the entire universe to share this moment with you – seeing you falling in love with the little furball in your store has him falling in love with you all over again, even though he's afraid to admit it to anyone but himself.
From that night on, that same cat has frequented your shop almost every night, and you've started to bring in some food for him so he has a place to stay warm and get something in his belly, too. Now, he happens to be sleeping on the large windowsill in the front of the store when Loki is paying another visit, and he has immediately pulled all the attention from your interior designer to himself.
"Look at this; who's this little guy?" Loki asks as he bends down to pet him. It's a bit of a funny sight, the man in a sharp black and dark green suit kneeling on the dusty floor to pet the cat that has been stopping by your shop almost daily.
"He wandered into our shop a week or two ago and visited us nearly every night. We have been calling him 'Coffee Bean,' and so far, he seems to enjoy it," you tell Loki while sweeping the shop floor. Tony is in the stockroom, installing some shelving while you've been busy in the front.
"Coffee Bean, huh? That's adorable," Loki says, and you can't help but smile at how he pronounces the name in his British accent. If Thor hadn't told you that his family adopted Loki as a baby, you would never have guessed the two were related, but their dynamic is fantastic. They've often been at the shop together and share a special bond that shines through in their work.
"Have you brought him to a vet to see if he's chipped?" Loki then asks, but you shake your head – usually, when Coffee Bean is visiting the store, it's either too late or you're too busy to have time to go, so you've been putting it off, though you also know deep down it's the right thing to do.
"I have a good friend who's a vet. His name is Bucky, and he's amazing with cats – even has one of his own," Loki tells you with a smile as he gets up before grabbing a business card from his shoulder bag. It says "James Barnes | Veterinarian," with a phone number and the opening hours of his clinic, which is very helpful.
"I thought you said his name is Bucky?" you ask, curiosity getting the best of you.
"You're right, I did say that. His full name is James Buchanan Barnes, but he tends to go by Bucky," Loki explains with a gentle smile before reorganizing his bag and getting ready to head out the door and to his next appointment. Once he's out the door, it's just you, Tony, and Coffee Bean, though what you don't know yet is that there's going to be a surprise guest swinging by later, even though their timing could have been better.
You and Tony have changed into coveralls to protect your clothes, as the time to start painting has finally arrived. It's been a task you have been looking forward to the most, and as Tony is mixing the color—a beautiful maroon—you're getting all the supplies, like brushes and rollers, ready. Then, as you turn around, something unexpected happens, and you're met with a splash of paint all over your body and the deep laugh of your best friend. When it finally sunk in what happened after a few seconds, a broad grin spreads on your features, and you bend down to grab a brush of your own.
"You're going to get it now, Stark!" you say before dipping the brush in the paint and splattering him with it, but you would soon come to regret that, as he's now following you with paint smeared all over his hands. It doesn't take long for him to catch you, pulling you against his body until you're so close that you can feel his breath on your lips. Your heart goes a mile a minute as you try to catch your breath, but it seems nearly impossible with him being so close.
And then, it's as if the world stops for a moment. There's nothing but you and Tony, your breaths mingling, and your closeness. But then, against all odds, you feel his hand cupping your cheek, the wet paint leaving a large handprint, though neither of you cares. Tony leans in first, your eyes slipping shut as he does. And then, when your lips barely ghost over one another, you hear an excited squeal, and you jump back as the thought of an intruder shoots through your mind.
Both you and Tony jump apart with heated cheeks, looking where the sound came from. Much to your surprise, you're met with the sight of Maria standing in the doorway to the shop – she has entered through the backdoor because she brought some décor to go on the walls once the paint was dry. Still, when she saw little Coffee Bean sleeping peacefully in the sun, she squealed from excitement, disturbing your almost-kiss with the man you've been in love with for as long as you can remember.
As you both face Maria, Tony's hand gently wraps around your forearm, letting you know he's close and everything will be okay.
"What were you two piccioncini up to before I came here?" Maria then asked, and Tony's cheeks turned the brightest red they'd ever been as he heard her calling you two 'lovebirds' in Italian. As soon as she saw the splatter of paint, the handprint on your cheek where Tony cupped it ever so gently, and how you two jumped apart at her arrival, she knew exactly what was happening, though she couldn't help but tease her son about it. She's seen her son fall in love with you over the years, and she's beyond ecstatic that he finally made a move, even if she interrupted it. Progress is progress.
"Oh, well- You know, painting," Tony says softly, his hand rubbing the back of his neck as his gaze is trained on the floor.
"Hm, maybe you should start painting the walls instead of one another, don't you think?" Maria quips with a wink, and then you remember the handprint on your face. It's been here the entire time they were talking, and now it's your turn to have cheeks that are practically on fire. Without excusing yourself, you rush to the bathroom – thankfully, you already have running water. As you're cleaning yourself up, Tony and Maria take the time to converse one-on-one.
"When will you tell her how you feel about her, Angioletto? She deserves to know how you feel, and based on what I saw before I interrupted you two, she feels the same about you. That woman has been head over heels in love with you for as long as I can remember," Maria says as she rests her hand on her son's shoulder. Even though she's wearing heels, she still has to crane her neck to look at him directly – it's safe to say he got his height from Howard.
"I don't know how, Mamma; I haven't found the right time. Honestly, I've forbid myself from falling in love, but I can't help it. She's such a sweet, caring, and kind woman, and she also has a smile to die for. I've never felt like this before, but at the same time, I'm also scared about what might happen if I confess- I don't want to lose her, Mamma," Tony says, tears brimming at his waterline at the thought of possibly losing you.
"Anthony, there's not a single universe where she'd leave you. You two have been through so much and are destined to be together. The universe has been waiting this long for you two to get together, which tells me it is meant to be. I can tell that Y/N has so much love for you, and you have so much love for her. Please, tell her how you feel because, honestly, if you're waiting for the right time, you'll wait for the rest of your lives and regret never telling her."
While Maria tells Tony all this, you can't help but overhear, and your heart is on fire at the words your best friend's mom has shared. She's also right because you have so much love for him, but you were afraid he wouldn't feel the same about you. Even though the paint is now washed off your face, the feeling of his warm, soft skin against your cheek is something you'll never forget, and the thought of it makes you smile again.
"You're right, Mamma, thank you," Tony says before leaning down and kissing her on the cheek, giving her a radiant smile as he does. Then, you walk back into the shop, acting like you didn't just hear their conversation.
"Hi, Maria," you say before hugging her, and she greets you as well before finally moving over to great Coffee Bean, who has now woken up. Coffee Bean purrs loudly under Maria's touch, and she can't help but feel proud – of Tony, you, and the cat slowly becoming part of your shop, too.
When her back is turned to the two of you, you dare to look at Tony, the memory of your mouths being so close you were breathing the same air still fresh in your memory. You don't get to think about it for too long, however, because the opening date of your shop is slowly creeping closer, and you still need to get a lot done, painting being the first thing.
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The past year practically flew by for you and Tony. From the moment you signed the lease to the point you're about to open your shop for everyone to enjoy officially, it still feels like a blur, but you're incredibly excited. The road to get here hasn't been entirely without challenges, but you've managed to overcome every hardship with the help of your friends and family, all of whom are here today to support you.
A few days ago, your friend and artist Steve Rogers was busy making seasonal paintings on the window that perfectly fit the autumn theme. Pumpkins, leaves, pastries, and coffee are all painted beautifully in orange and brown tones, but the cherry on top is that he incorporated Coffee Beans into the art, too. He's sitting in the middle of the window with leaves falling all around him, making him the focal point of it, and he's meant to draw in as many customers as possible.
Today, you and Tony have been making the last arrangements – checking to see if all the coffee machines work, baking many pastries and desserts, creating different sandwiches, and rearranging the furniture until everything is perfect. It's time for the official grand opening in a little over an hour, so you and Tony have returned to your apartment to get changed, and the nerves are starting to set in for you both.
While you've opted for a sweater dress paired with black boots, Tony has chosen a business casual outfit that goes perfectly with your dress. You two look like the perfect pair – and after tonight, you will be the people everyone longs to be. Once back at the shop, you can already see a small line of people outside the door – you are running a special that the first 25 people will get free coffee and a pastry or dessert of their choice, and it seems it will work so far.
In the store, Wanda and Natasha are happily chatting behind the counter as they prepare for the upcoming crowd. Over the past few weeks, they have spent a lot of time here, getting to know each other and helping you and Tony out wherever necessary, and today is the first time they will officially run the front of the shop.
Howard, Maria, and your parents also chat in one of the booths Loki suggested you get. Thor, Bruce, and Tony have placed them perfectly, allowing customers to enjoy the sun as they sit by the windows. Finally, Coffee Bean is sleeping on one of the windowsills again, enjoying the sun like he has since the first day he set foot in your shop.
"Sprinkle, can I talk to you for a moment?" Tony asks, his heart beating so fast it's a miracle you can't hear it. His eyebrows are furrowed slightly as he looks at you, worry settling in your stomach. You nod before following your best friend into the stock room, where you have some privacy between the coffee beans and other stock. He grabs your hands, encasing them with his large ones as he looks into your eyes with his dark brown ones.
"I- uhm… I've been thinking about something for a long time now, and I have never found a moment more perfect to say it – until now. One of our dreams is about to come true today, but I want to make it two. I've been madly in love with you for the past few years, Y/N. There's nothing more I want to do than kiss you and show you the way an amazing woman such as yourself deserves to be treated. But most of all, I want to be yours, and I want you to be mine for as long as you'll have me," he tells you, and it's like all the air is taken from your chest.
Tony lets go of one of your hands, instead tucking a piece of hair behind your ear as he continues, "I want to feel your lips on mine, and I need to know what they taste like because the thought of them has been driving me damn near mad for years. Please, please let me kiss you, my sweet Sprinkle," he whispers the last few words until they're almost inaudible, but you hear them crystal clear.
"Okay," you whisper back, and with a large smile, Tony leans to capture your lips with his. Your lips are soft against his own, and the subtle vanilla flavor of your chapstick has suddenly become the favorite he'd ever had the honor to taste. Your hands pull Tony even closer, and with the softest of groans, he parts his lips to allow you to explore his mouth. For a moment, there's nothing but you and Tony as time has stopped, and your entire body is on fire as you take your time together.
Then, you pull away to the feeling like heaven is shining down on you. Even though you're left breathless, it's also the best feeling in the world, as you've finally had the chance to kiss the man you've fantasized about for years. Your mouth splits into a grin, your features lighting up the way Tony loves so much, and he can't help but smile right back at you.
"I'm in love with you too, Tony, and I've seen how you look at me when you think I don't notice. The way you steal glances when I'm reading on the couch or when we're walking through the town. Or when you can't take your eyes off me whenever I'm cooking or baking," you add, making him chuckle in response.
"But there's something else I need you to know, Tony. When I felt like an old cardigan under someone's bed, you put me on and said I was your favorite. You always make me feel special and loved; it feels like home with you. You're my home, Tony, and for that, I will love you most of all," you tell him, tears brimming in your eyes as you do. Whenever you feel like you aren't worthy of love, Tony has proven you wrong and shown you what it's like to be so loved that you're practically overflowing with it.
"I love you, Sprinkle. I always have, and I always will," Tony then says before capturing your lips one last time, as it's officially time to start the next chapter of your lives by opening your shop, which you named 'Coffee Bean Café,' after the cat that had nestled his way into your hearts when you started renting the shop. After one last peck on the lips, you and Tony go out of the stockroom, but not without interlacing your fingers first, which doesn't go unnoticed by Natasha.
As you walk by together, she winks at you to let you know she's proud of you, and you can't stop smiling as your cheeks heat up under her gaze. You don't get to think about it too long because it's time to open your shop. After Tony gives a heartfelt speech, followed by you, you officially open the doors for the public, and Natasha and Wanda get to serve all the customers.
"How're you feeling, Sprinkle?" Tony asks when you two finally have a moment to yourselves, and you're almost melting under the sweetness of his gaze. Now that you two have admitted your love for one another, it's impossible not to want to be close to him.
"Excited, but tired at the same time. I'm happy we finally opened our shop, but right now, I mostly want some sleep," you say, and your body emphasizes the point by yawning, making Tony chuckle.
"Me too, but I promise I'll make it up to you tonight with some cuddles on the couch; how does that sound?"
"Like I want to sneak out and get my cuddles now," you tell him honestly, and Tony can't help but laugh at your comment, making some heads turn in your direction. Neither of you notices, though, as you two only have eyes for one another.
"I love you, Sprinkle, and I can't wait to see where this journey will take us." Your boyfriend leans in to capture your lips in the softest, most loving way, showing your love for the coffee shop. Behind you, there's some applause and loud cheering, making you both smile into the kiss. This has been long overdue, but now you plan on making up for every second you missed.
While you and Tony share a lovely kiss, Natasha and Maria look on with huge smiles. Then, Natasha holds out her hand, as the two of them had a bet going about when you two would finally confess.
"I told you they would confess today," she says with an even bigger smile, and Maria fishes a 10 dollar bill out of her pocket, handing it to her as she nods her head in agreement.
Out of all the beautiful things that have come out of the opening of your shop, the friendship between Maria and Natasha is one of the most unexpected, but what's most important is their shared love for you and Tony, as both of them wouldn't want anything other than happiness for the two of you.
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ripdragonbeans · 17 hours
Text
Do You Believe In Fate? // Pt. 1 // Aegon II x Reader
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Artwork: @emilykaldwen // Beta: @exitpursuedbyavulcan
Summary: Falling in love with Aegon wasn’t easy. You would think the years gone by would make it less difficult but it turned out that was not the way fate worked. Fate brought you together but would it keep you apart as well?
Warnings: eventual smut, bodily harm, gore, hurt/comfort
A/N: I tried posting it all at once but Tumblr said it was too long so I guess I'm breaking it into parts lol
Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 5 // Part 6
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Aegon has always been loud, that’s just who he is. And he was your neighbor. As cliche as it was, you fell in love with him. It wasn’t all at once. It was one year, one step at a time. You always found yourself drawn to him in some way. You swore up and down that there have been glances between you two over the years, lingering touches, soft words. It all happened so quickly that you could never be sure if they were real. Despite everything life threw at you and Aegon, you two would always find each other, even if sometimes you didn’t want to.
Being two years older than you, Aegon acted like he always knew better than everyone else, especially when it came to his younger siblings, Helaena and Aemond. You and Aegon were civil at most. A passing nod here and there; a kind smile every now and then. When you were younger there were rarely any genuine conversations but he was always around. Always around you.
Unlike your relationship with Aegon, you were close to Helaena and Aemond, always have been. Helaena was your best girl. Together you two would giggle over boys and girls and talk about your favorite things. Aemond was your best guy. You would work on homework together and have debates simply for the fun of having a debate.
Within the first few years of meeting Aegon and his siblings, a steady rhythm between the four of you was found. You’d hang out with Helaena and Aemond while Aegon would do his own thing near you three. Most of the time Aegon was on his Gameboy but he was always paying attention. Sometimes you thought that he needed friends, that he should join you and his brother and sister, but his attitude would say something different. Sometimes, the three of you would try to play somewhere away from Aegon but he would always end up in the same room anyway. You considered it a lose-lose situation.
“Aegon, come play with us!” Helaena called out.
“Let me think about it.” Aegon waited a few seconds. “No.”
Aemond picked up the biggest dragon and flew it over your head. “If you’re just going to sit, go sit somewhere else.”
Aegon stuck out his tongue. “Just because you said that, I’m staying, little brother.”
Aemond cringed. He hated being the youngest of the three.
You rolled your eyes and continued to play with your dragons and your blocks. You focused hard on making the most perfect castle for everyone’s dragons to live in. Red, blue, and yellow blocks were stacked on top of each other with a yellow triangle block adorning the top of the castle as the roof.
You were admiring your hard work when a thought occurred to you. “Let’s make flags for our castles!”
Excitedly, you turned towards your friends only to find them already on their feet on their way to grab art supplies. You laughed as you got up to join them but stopped at the doorway. You didn’t like that Aegon wasn’t joining you.
“Would you like to make a flag, Aegon? I can make you your own castle, too.”
“Pft, I’m eight, I can make my own castle,” he proclaimed. He got up from his comfy chair and put his Gameboy down. “But yeah, I’d like to make a flag.”
You gave him a big grin. “Yay!”
Aegon followed you as you led the way to the big dining room table that was now littered with art supplies. Helaena and Aemond made sure to get everything. There were glue sticks, pom poms, crayons, markers, colored pencils, paint, paper, scissors, and little sticks for the flags. Helaena even pulled out her special foam stickers for the occasion.
“Come on, you guys! You’re slow!” Called Helaena.
She was already working on her flag, picking out the stickers she wanted. The outline of a butterfly was on her paper, colored with purples and pinks. You peered over at Aemond and saw the outline of a dragon blowing fire.
You turned to Aegon. “What are you gonna put on your flag?” you asked.
“Oh, I know exactly who’s gonna be on my flag.” A mischievous smile snuck its way onto his face.
Your eyes widened in horror at the implication but you caught yourself before you could say anything stupid. Aegon strolled into the room and plopped himself into an empty chair.
You took in all the art supplies laid out in front of you. A smile spread out across your face as you reached out and grabbed whatever caught your eye. Crayons of various colors were soon in a pile in front of you. Ideas bounced around your head and it was hard to pluck out just one. Thinking hard, you turned your attention to Aegon, curious to see what he was working on. You couldn’t see much but you did see a swarm of purple. Just then an idea popped into your head.
“And done!” Aegon exclaimed as he jumped out of his chair. Even though he was the second last to start on his flag, he was the first to finish. Aegon stood tall and proud as he showed off his flag. “I present to you the flag for the House of Waluigi!”
A once white piece of paper now had a carefully drawn picture of Waluigi from the Super Mario games. He was tall and gangly and had a long, pointy nose that Aegon had extended all the way to the edge of the paper. His purple hat covered his eyes almost completely but a clever glint could still be seen. Waluigi’s limbs were just as long as his nose, if not longer. Aegon drew him almost like a long legged spider creature.
It brought a chuckle out of you, seeing the flag. It was just so…Aegon. He locked eyes with you and smiled when you laughed and you felt yourself blush. It was a simple thing, and you didn’t know why, but it made you happy for some reason.
“Okay, I’m next,” Helaena said. She made a big deal of folding it up as she stood up so no one could see it. Slowly, she unraveled it. “Ta-da!”
Helaena’s flag had a butterfly with blue and green wings on a pink and purple background. It had a giant smile on its face and curly antennas that made a heart at the top of the paper. It was bright and colorful, just like her.
“I guess I’m next,” said Aemond sheepishly. There was no flourish in his showing of his flag but there was still a glint of pride.
Aemond’s flag was black with a large green dragon breathing fire. It was fierce, despite being drawn by a four year old. “Her name is Vhagar and she’s the mightiest dragon!” he let out a giant laugh.
Giggles erupted from all of them. Aemond was sweet and quiet, no one really thought he would choose a dragon for his house.
“I’m last so that means mine will be awesome!” you said between giggles.
You took a breath and flipped your paper over to reveal your flag. It was a three headed dog, with one head looking silly and lopsided and the other two looking fairly serious.
“He may not breathe fire but this dog is really big and can probably fight your dragon, Aemond,” you teased. “And her name is Jeremy Triangle Dot but we call her Dot for short. Mainly because Dot is the boss. She’s the middle head.”
Aemond rolled his eyes. “Vhagar is a dragon. A dragon.”
“I bet if I put Waluigi on Dot we could defeat Vhagar!” Aegon jumped in.
“Hey, not fair!” Aemond pouted.
“It’s okay, Aemond. My butterfly will be super big and protect you with her wings.” Helaena piped up.
“Auntie Alicent!” You called out for your friends’ mother. She was a mother figure for you as well. “Look at our Houses! Who would you pick?”
Alicent came to the table and smiled at all of you.
“They all look amazing! I’m afraid I can’t pick one house. But we can say that I rule over all your houses as a queen,” she joked.
“Queen Auntie Alicent!” you cried.
“Queen Mother!” the siblings yelled in response.
“Okay, Queen Mother I am then,” Alicent laughed and messed up Aegon’s hair. “You children are so creative. Would you like smoothies?”
“A strawberry one!” Aegon yelled out.
“Yes, yes, I know, Aegon. I’ll get you all your favorite smoothies.” She left after pressing a kiss atop all of your heads.
The four of you spent the next two hours making up stories of your Houses and how they all lived together in the same kingdom. The House of Waluigi warred with the Vhagar House while Butterfly House and Dog House stayed neutral through almost everything. The only time those two Houses warred was when the kingdom's flavor of ice cream had to be chosen.
It was the first time you, Helaena, and Aemond had fun with Aegon. For once, Aegon wasn’t on the side playing on his Gameboy or doing his own thing. The four of you grew together; the relationship between the siblings being the best it’s ever been and the relationship you had with them being built on a strong foundation.
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Seven years went by and you were all still as thick as thieves. The only difference was that you found yourself hanging out more with Aegon than Helaena and Aemond. It wasn't noticeable to anyone else but it was to you. You found yourself sitting next to Aegon and talking to him more. Whenever you were playing a game with the siblings you were always on the same team as Aegon.
Together, the two of you were inseparable, even at that young age. Through some sort of finagling, your mother and Alicent got you, Aemond, and Aegon all on the same football team. Really, though, the three of you should not be in the same age bracket. To make things a little even, however, you and Aemond, at the age of ten, played with Aegon’s team; them at age thirteen. Nevertheless, it was chaotic fun for the three of you. Helaena, on the other hand, preferred to stay off the pitch and cheer you on from the sidelines.
“Aeg, through! THROUGH!” You called from the other side of the field. If he would just pass the ball, you could sprint through the two defenders in your way and take a shot at the goal without being offside.
Aegon was being a ball hog, playing around with the ball just to show off and keep it away from the opposing team. The opposing team actually being the Targaryen’s cousins’ team.
“Aegon, focus!” you tried to get his attention.
Eventually, Aegon looked up and saw your plan. He gave the ball a strong kick. It flew through the air, over you and the other defenders. You sprinted as fast as you could. Since you were behind the defenders when Aegon kicked the ball, if you got to it before they did you would be safe to continue towards the goal without any penalty.
One of the defenders, a cousin of the Targaryen siblings, Jace, came up next to you, also sprinting his heart out. The two of you locked eyes in a heated battle of dominance. Smirking at him, you dug deep for that extra burst of speed you needed to beat Jace to the ball.
The ball was still making its arc in the air when you finally passed Jace just a tiny bit. When it hit the ground it bounced once. Twice. Three times before you were able to catch it with your foot. Jace was right behind you. Already you dug yourself into the ground, ready for any hit from him that could push you off the ball. You dribbled fast, dodging the defenders that have come up to catch you. Swerving in and out you saw the perfect opportunity to take a shot. Grabbing that burst of energy deep inside you, you gave one final push so it was just you and the other team’s goalie. He dived at you but you were quick to avoid him and kick the ball to the back of the net.
Aegon whooped and threw his hand in the air before tackling you in a hug. Helaena and Alicent were cheering loud on the sidelines and Aemond jumped up and down in his goal box, getting ready for the next kick off.
Jace started the kick off. He passed it to his little brother, Luke, and they went straight for the goal. Pure force. That wouldn’t work, not with your team to stop them. Luke was fast but you were faster. You caught up to him easily and fought for the ball. You were able to kick it out of his control and pass it on to Aegon. Aegon took it and tried to boot it down the field but Jace got the ball back before he could. He was about to reach out and grab Jace’s jersey.
“Aegon!” you warned him. He didn’t need to give the team a free kick, not now.
Aegon looked at you and scowled but quickly replaced it with a playful wink. Then off he went, chasing after Jace.
Jace was a decent distance from the goal box when he let the ball fly. It didn’t actually go through the air, but was a fast and strong kick that stayed on the ground. Luke followed the ball and Aegon followed Luke. As Aemond dived for the ball, Luke attempted to slide tackle the ball out of Aemond’s reach. Instead of hitting the ball, though, Luke hit Aemond’s eye cleats up.
A scream of pain.
Blood.
So much blood was pouring out of Aemond’s face.
Luke just sat there, stunned at what just happened. Jace was quick to run to his younger brother and make sure he was okay but of course he was. He wasn’t the one who got cleats in his eye.
You grabbed Aegon’s hand and ran him over to his brother.
“Aemond, you’re gonna be okay,” he told his brother.
Aemond was holding his face with one hand. The goalie glove he had on was soaked in blood. He couldn’t speak. All he could do was barely shake or nod his head.
Alicent was running onto the field. “Aemond! AEMOND!”
Coach Otto, Alicent’s father, also ran to Aemond. He picked him up effortlessly. “I got you.”
Aemond mumbled something but you couldn’t make it out.
“Keep that hand on your eye, gotta keep the pressure there.” Coach Otto turned to his daughter. “Meet us at the emergency room.”
Alicent nodded silently. She looked at her children, her children and you. “Helaena, Aegon, and my dear, are you alright?”
Helaena nodded her head. She was in shock. You went over to her and gave her a tight hug. She held onto you hard.
Aegon just lowered his head. He didn’t say or indicate anything. All you could tell was that he was angry.
“I’m… I’m fine. I think,” you told Alicent. “I want to go with you to the emergency room. Is that okay?”
Alicent enveloped you in a hug of her own when you let go of Helaena. “Oh, my dear, of course you can.” She let you go. “Come now, all of you.”
With Alicent leading you all, you ran to the car and piled in. Alicent was normally a very safe driver but this time she was aggressive. When you arrived at the emergency it was clean. Almost too clean. You and Aegon stood out in your dirty football uniforms. Holding Helaena’s hand, you followed close behind Alicent.
“My son, my son, Aemond Targaryen was taken here. He was being carried by my father. There was blood pouring from his face,” she was telling the front desk.
“Yes, him,” the lady at the front desk seemed to be in no rush.
“Please, I’d like to see him.”
“You’re going to have to wait a bit -”
Aegon snapped. “Let us see our brother!”
“Aegon!” cried Alicent.
“Aegon, please, everything is going to be okay,” you tried to comfort him.
The lady coughed. “As I said, you’re going to have to wait. He was taken in for emergency surgery.”
Alicent’s face lost all color. “But, he’s alive, yes?”
“He should be fine.” The lady’s eyes softened. “Take a seat, it might be a long wait.”
“Thank you,” Alicent nodded her head.
You grabbed Aegon’s hand and took him aside to some chairs in a corner. Once you got to them, Aegon yanked his hand out of yours.
“Aegon, what’s going on?”
“What’s going on? My brother is in a freaking surgery because I couldn’t keep the ball away from our side. That’s what’s going on.”
“It isn’t your fault he got hurt. He’s a goalie, he knows the risks.”
“That risk shouldn’t be losing an eye!”
“It was Luke. You know it was. He shouldn’t have slide tackled like that. It’s illegal.”
“Yeah, and look where that got him. Luke isn’t the one facing the consequences,” Aegon spat. “Instead, it’s my little brother!”
You tackled Aegon in a hug and held him tight. His breathing, once rapid, slowed down. You felt his arms slowly circle around you, as though he was scared to do so. One deep breath. Aegon lowered his head to your shoulder and you felt his shudder. He was crying.
“It should’ve been me,” he whispered against you.
“Shh, I’m right here for you.”
You held him close and didn’t let him go. You’d never let him go.
By the time Aemond got out of surgery, Aegon was asleep with his head on your shoulder. Aemond had lost his eye. He came out with a white gauze taped over where his eye should’ve been. You shook Aegon awake when Alicent brought him over. Aegon looked at Aemond and instantly guilt filled his face.
“I should’ve done something. I’m sorry,” he told his brother.
“You weren’t the one who slide tackled into my face,” Aemond offered him a weak smile.
“He’s right Aeg,” you bumped him with your shoulder. “Everything is gonna be okay.”
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After Aemond lost his eye, Aegon started to change. You don't know whether it was just because he wanted to or if it has something to do with not being able to protect his brother. He was more protective of Aemond but he started losing himself. His temper was a little shorter and he learned to hurt people with words. It was as though his thought process was that if he couldn't protect him then he might as well do nothing.
Throughout middle school and junior high he made friends with kids…different from you and his siblings. They were wilder and louder. It seemed as though Aegon thrived with them. He soon started to taunt you and his brother and sister in front of them but would be quick to apologize when you'd walk home together. Away from everyone else. It was as though Aegon, the real Aegon, wasn’t good enough to be at school. Instead, he created this caricature of himself who’s even more obstinate than he already was. For a while it seemed as though he thrived on the attention but you could see it in his eyes that it was tiring. Yet he kept it up.
His relationship with Helaena and Aemond faltered. They were no longer the close siblings they once were. Aegon’s actions outside of home began to drift in. He would ignore Aemond, order around Helaena, and make snide comments at both of them. Your relationship with him changed, as well. He was less genuine with you, his jokes were even more crass than they used to be, and he’d ask you to get to know some of the other girls so he could know who to flirt with.
But there were still small moments when you thought everything would be okay. You’d share a sweet smile with him over a stupid joke. He’d tease you by taking away your water bottle but then playfully give it back. Every now and then he’d surprise you with a big bear hug but then linger just a little bit. Aegon would look at you sometimes and refuse to look away, even if you caught him. If he saw that you caught him, though, he’d play it off with a cheeky wink. When he thought you weren’t looking you could see how soft his eyes were, how they lit up when he looked at you.
Those moments would never last too long. As soon as someone else would sit next to Aegon he broke out of whatever spell he cast on both of you. It was like nothing ever happened. Like you two never even met. You thought you’d get used to the disappointment and dull pain in your heart but you never did. Your emotions were bottled up and they festered deep inside you, ready to burst open at any moment.
“Why do you do that?” you asked Aegon one day.
The two of you were at his house working on some homework.
He looked at you, confused. “What do you mean?”
“Why do you hang out with them?”
“You mean my friends?”
“Yeah, them.” You leaned back in your chair.
“Because they’re my friends,” he said slowly.
“But they’re nothing like us. Me and your brother and sister are on completely opposite sides.”
“I’m allowed to have more friends, it’s not a competition.”
You looked at him, wondering if he was avoiding something else. “Okay. I just worry about you hanging out with other people, especially them.”
“I’ll take care of myself, don’t worry.” He gave you a reassuring smile then returned to his work.
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quinnysnursery · 2 days
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[🦇] do you wanna grow together? | johnnie guilbert and grace van dien one-shot
paring : little!johnnie guilbert x cg!grace van dien
summary : johnnie opens up to grace about his coping mechanism
warning/extra tid-bits : language, talk of growing up with bad parents, bit of a tantrum at the end but it's handled well!!
word count : 2,487
divider credit : umm i found all the photos on pinterest :3 (lace from @saradika-graphics)
a/n : i'm aware this song doesn't perfectly fit the vibes but in my heart it does!! i love brye's music idc if it's "tiktok music" (sorry for any typos, i'm just a girl!) also this is not proof read at all
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Johnnie’s hand shook as Jake pulled up to Grace’s house. “This it?” The punk asked, leaning down to get a better look at the house in front of him. 
It was nicer than Jake, Johnnie and Carrington’s place, the first time Johnnie saw it he briefly wondered just how much Grace’s role on Stranger Things paid. 
“Yeah, this is it.” Johnnie’s leg bounced up and down anxiously, earning a sympathy glance from the punk next to him. “Hey,” Jake started, turning his attention to his friend. 
“It’s gonna be okay. She’s a nice girl, right?” Jake made sure to look Johnnie in the eyes when he asked him this, “Yeah, she’s…awesome.” Johnnie smiled to himself, realizing just how lucky he was. 
Grace was beautiful, but that wasn’t the reason Johnnie fell in love with her. He fell in love with Grace because she’d noticed him in the corner of a party, alone and to himself- like always- and came right up with that bubbly smile and asked what he was drinking.
He fell in love with Grace because she’d never once been unkind to him.
“Then I’m sure this’ll go fine.” His roommate assured him, placing a comforting hand on his friend’s shoulder. “And if it doesn’t, you’ll always have me and Carrington.” 
Johnnie let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding in. “Yeah, yeah you’re right.” He nodded, unbuckling his seatbelt.
“D’you want me to wait outside?” The red-haired man asked, earning a head shake from Johnnie. “Just uh- keep your phone near.” The emo man told him, earning a nod from his roommate. “Okay, good luck.” Jake smiled, unlocking the doors to his Tesla.
It didn’t take Johnnie long to get out of the car and make his way to his girlfriend’s front door. He could hear the sounds of Jake’s tires pulling out the driveway and down the street.
Just him and Grace.
That was fine, he’d stayed the night plenty of times. He even spent the weekend at her house once! It was fine.
Everything was fine. 
In one swift motion, the large front door swung open revealing the blonde girl that Johnnie was here to see. “Johnnie!” Her perfume hit him in the face in the best way possible, instantly easing his nerves. Grace was good at that, somehow.
“Hey!” He smiled brightly, instantly leaning down and allowing her to hug him. Grace pulled away after a few moments, smiling brightly at her boyfriend. “Well come in!” She beamed before grabbing his tattooed hand and pulling her inside, letting the door automatically lock behind her. 
“Are you thirsty? Hungry? We could order something!” She instantly jumped into conversation about things they could do whilst in each other’s presence.
“Um-“ Johnnie gulped down the lump in his throat, his hands shaking as he glanced around his girlfriend’s extravagant kitchen. “I uh- was actually hoping I could talk to you about…something.” Johnnie avoided eye contact with the blonde woman, opting to stare down at his boots.
“Oh..” Grace’s face fell, fear punching her in the gut. “Okay, we can talk.” She sat down at the kitchen island, Johnnie sitting across from her. 
Both Johnnie and Grace’s legs bounced anxiously as they waited for someone to break the silence. Johnnie was wracking his brain for the script he’d made at three AM this morning- when he’d decided that he had to tell Grace about his regression.
It wasn’t an easy decision by any means, the emo man had only told four people in his entire life. It dawned on him in the early morning hours that he wanted Grace to stay in his life for awhile- forever, preferably. It also dawned on him that that meant opening up about the most sacred part of himself…which was terrifying.
“Are you breaking up with me?” Grace’s voice snapped him back to reality. “What?!” Johnnie’s eyes widened, realizing his girlfriend’s blue eyes were glossing over. “No! Oh my god- No! Never!” Johnnie quickly cupped Grace’s hand with his tatted one.
“Oh thank god.” Grace breathed, placing her free hand over her heart as she let out a shaky breath. “You scared me!” She whined, a giggle following her lips.
“I’m sorry, I-” Johnnie’s brain blanked again, what was he supposed to say? 
“I don’t want to break up with you! I just need you to know that I mentally regress to a toddler because my teen years were ruined!!” That wasn’t right, it couldn’t be right. 
“What’s going on? You’re shaky,” The blonde woman frowned sympathetically, tracing her fingers along his crow tattoo. “More than normal.” She joked, earning a breathy laugh from her boyfriend. “I uhm…shit this is hard,” He laughed, Grace smiled sympathetically. 
Johnnie took one final deep breath, “So y’know about MDE and that shit, right?” He asked. Grace instantly nodded, leaning in to show she was actively listening. 
“I was like, really young, when that all started which- fuckin’ sucked.” Johnnie laughed- it wasn’t funny, but it helped his nerves. The blonde woman nodded and rubbed her thumb along the back of Johnnie’s hand, allowing her boyfriend to continue on.
“And uh- I kinda missed out on a ton of shit that kids got to do, even before moving to Nebraska.” He added, “So,” Johnnie gulped down the bundle of nerves that was creeping up on him. 
“So, I found this uh- this coping mechanism, a couple years ago.” 
Okay. She wasn’t freaking out yet, that was a good sign. 
“It’s called age regression, have you…have you heard of it?” He asked, glancing up to meet Grace’s eyes. Grace thought for a moment before shaking her head, Johnnie didn’t know if that was for the better or for the worst.
“Okay- that’s okay.” He assured, smiling warmly at his girlfriend. “It’s this coping mechanism where the regressor-” Johnnie was cut off, “Is that you?” Grace asked, earning a nod. 
“Yeah, that…that would be me.” The emo man admitted, an embarrassed blush dusting his cheeks. Grace nodded, readjusting in her seat. “The regressor reverts to a child-like mindset, in order to cope with stress…mental health, it um- it can be both voluntary and involuntary.” Once Johnnie was finished with his words, he brought his freehand up to his mouth- chewing on the skin around his nail in order to self-soothe.
Grace processed what her boyfriend had told her before speaking, “And you do this?” She inquired, earning a cautious nod. “Okay, thank you for telling me.” The blonde smiled, “I’m really proud of you, ‘s probably not an easy thing to tell people.” She added.
Johnnie blinked at his girlfriend in surprise. Was that it? Was she mad? She didn’t sound mad, and Grace was still holding his hand so she couldn’t be mad…right?
“Uhm- sometimes regressors- littles, that’s…that’s another name for them- sometimes littles have caregivers and-” Johnnie was cut off once again, “Is that me?” Grace asked excitedly. Johnnie couldn’t help but smile at her tone, delightfully surprised.
“I mean- it could be, but I don’t want you to feel forced into that role at all!” Johnnie quickly stated, he was just fine on his own but if Grace really wanted to help…he wouldn’t mind having her take on a caring role.
Grace thought for a moment, now dealing with her own internal battle. She didn’t have the best upbringing. Sure, being a nepo-baby meant she got whatever she wanted whenever she wanted…but that didn’t make her family issues any better. Her father was the best dad he could be, but her mom…wasn’t the best parent.
Grace had spent her entire childhood worrying about her mothers addictive habits. It was hell, something no child should ever have to deal with.
“I’m not sure I’d be very good,” She admitted softly, her heart breaking as she saw her boyfriend’s smile falter. “I mean- I just…I don’t want to taint your age regression by messing up, y’know?” She explained, earning a soft nod from Johnnie. Silence fell over the room as both parties thought silently, pondering the next step.
“...I think you’d be a really good caregiver.” Johnnie said softly, Grace felt her heart swell. “Really?” She asked, a wide grin spreading over her face. He nodded, “You’re patient, and…gentle and…you already make me happy.”
Grace placed her free hand on her heart once again, this time to signal just how much Johnnie’s words meant to her. “I’ve never had a caregiver,” He admitted, much to Grace’s surprise.
“Really? Not even Jake?” She asked, knowing how close both the boys were. “He knows but he’s not my caregiver.” He explained. Grace hummed, understanding.
“...Maybe we could learn together?” She offered, peaking Johnnie’s interest. The black-haired man tilted his head, urging her to continue. “Like- you could learn to have a caregiver and I could learn how to be one.” She smiled, earning an enthusiastic agreement from Johnnie. 
“Okay…let’s learn together.”
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A few weeks later, Johnnie found himself at Grace’s doorstep again. This time though, he had a backpack resting over one shoulder- filled to the brim with his regression supplies.
Toys, a sippy cup, various different coloring books (with crayons, of course) and even a deco-paci that Carrington had gifted him after learning of Johnnie’s regression.
Needless to say, Johnnie overpacked for an overnight stay but…he couldn’t help it! He was nervous!
“Johnnie!” Grace beamed, swinging her front door open and instantly latching herself onto her boyfriend. Johnnie let out the breath he’d been holding in, melting into the blonde’s arms.
 After soaking in the hug for a few moments, Grace pulled back and immediately began tugging Johnnie inside by his hand.
 “Come in! Look what I did!” The girl smiled, once again letting the door shut and lock once the two were inside. Johnnie nearly tripped over himself with how fast his girlfriend was dragging him to her living room, but once he saw exactly what she was so excited about he couldn’t help but smile.
Grace had made a fort that spanned the entire size of her living room, “I hope this ‘s okay, I loved forts as a kid so I just thought-” She was cut off by her boyfriend letting out an excited hum and bouncing excitedly.
Grace blinked in surprise, in the months she’d known Johnnie he had never done that. She didn’t dislike it, though. If anything, Grace found it adorable.
“Cece help ‘e?” Johnnie asked, tugging on Grace’s shirt gently with hopeful eyes. 
Cece.
Grace smiled softly, “Help with what, sweetheart?” She asked, surprising herself with her own tone. It was soft, gentler than her typical one- she hadn’t realized that was possible until now. 
“Shoes!” He smiled, gently placing his backpack on the floor, beginning to tug at his boots. Grace quickly moved his backpack into the fort before crouching in front of the regressed man to help him get his boots off. 
“So you like it?” She asked hopefully, earning a firm nod from Johnnie. “Uh-huh!” 
“We go in?” Johnnie asked softly, pointing at the entrance of the fort. Grace thought for a moment, “Have you eaten?” She asked, not wanting Johnnie to be hungry. 
Johnnie nodded, humming out small “mmhm!”.
“Jayjay made ‘e nuggets.” He smiled proudly, Grace nodded. “Okay, then yeah! Let’s go in!” She agreed, lifting up the blanket to allow Johnnie to crawl in- following him after.
Johnnie gaped at the interior of the fort, multiple twinkling fairy lights hung around. “Staw’s!” He smiled, looking towards Grace with eyes full of childlike wonder.
Grace knew at that moment that, even if she didn’t know how to be a caregiver, there wasn’t anything in this world that would stop her from learning.
“Yeah baby! Stars!” She encouraged, her heart melting into a pile of goop as Johnnie curled up next to her. “Do you wanna watch a movie, baby?” She asked, “Cow’pse Bw’ide?!” The little questioned, excitedly.
“Sure, hun.” Grace smiled, nodding. She quickly grabbed the TV remote off of her couch, scrolling to find the correct movie. The blonde woman wrapped her arm around the little, a coo slipping from her lips as Johnnie rested his head on her shoulder. 
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Johnnie whined, tired tears threatening to spill from his icy blue eyes. Grace let out a gentle sigh, “Baby, you're tired.” She tried explaining, but the little one was having none of it. He’d dozed off halfway through the movie, only to wake up still exhausted. The only issue was, Johnnie refused to settle back down.
“M’ not!” He sniffled, despite rubbing his eye with his fist immediately after. Grace took a moment to think about what her parents would’ve done. With her dad’s job, it was rare that parenting was left up to him but her mom probably would’ve left her to cry it out in her room alone. It only ever made her feelings intensify, leading to more frustrated tears.
Grace wouldn’t do that to Johnnie, she couldn’t. The blonde woman took a deep breath before meeting Johnnie’s eyes again, “Can you look at Cece?” She asked gently. 
Johnnie whined, shaking his head and diverting his gaze. “Baby, please?” She cooed, reaching out and brushing Johnnie’s hair away from his eyes. The little begrudgingly met his caregiver’s eyes, “I can tell you're really flustered right now, huh?” She asked, receiving a sniffly nod from the pale man.
“Okay! Hey, that’s okay.” She reassured, thinking about what she needed to hear as a child. “Can you tell Cece why?” She questioned, “Don’ wanna ‘eep!” Johnnie shouted, wobbly lip breaking Grace’s heart.
“Can we try using softer voices?” Grace asked, quoting a gentle-parenting tiktok she’d seen whilst lying in bed awake last night- terrified she’d ruin Johnnie’s regression. She wanted to make sure she was as prepared as possible, and thank god she did.
Johnnie’s lip wobbled, but he nodded. “Sorry, Cece.” He apologized. “That’s okay baby, I know you didn’t mean it.” Grace comforted, pulling the little into a hug after asking permission.
“M’ still wanna color wif’ Cece…” Johnnie admitted through tired tears, “Oh buddy…” The woman cooed, looking down at the little in her arms. “We can still color, I just think you need a nap before we do.” She giggled, resulting in a small smile forming on Johnnie’s face.
“Cece wake ‘e up?” He asked hopefully, earning a quick nod from Grace. “Yeah, I’ll wake you up in…thirty minutes, okay?” She offered. Johnnie thought for a moment before nodding and snuggling back into Grace’s arms.
“Get some rest, I expect to see how talented you are at colorin’.” The blonde joked, earning a smiley laugh from the man in her arms. “Night night, Cece.” Johnnie yawned, eyes already drooping. 
“Night night, sweet boy.” She kissed the top of Johnnie’s head, allowing herself to relax.
She was confident she had Johnnie, and Johnnie was confident that Grace had him. They’d grow together.
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taglist !! :
@babybatxxx @mattssturnz @littlestar44 @graceslittlecorner @zivall @hrtz4alex2211 @bimbob1tch @sturnsxplr-25 @cherry-red-heart @pr3ttyf4wn @frlinbruh @jazminepetit-homme @raynaaxx @tyummyz
(also tagging @nicksbestie and @salemscene since i said i would SO long ago i'm so sorry it took forever😖)
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lightofraye · 1 day
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You are completely so fucking stupid, just because people prefer jenmish they hate Jared? grow the fuck up. and you stanning a person who is mentally a child is pathethic. oh wait you are mentally a child as well, getting pressed over a fictional ship is pathetic. and don't act like you know Jensen personally or his thoughts and feelings. you parasocial fuck. get a fucking life, Jensen isn't a fucking puppet for you to use for your fucking para-sexual fantasies. you need to be permentally locked up in a psychiatric ward allway with your mutals and friends and the fact you pretend to have children when in reality they are your sock accounts is utterly pathertic, no ones actually likes you they are just humouring you and you and you fucked up brain are too egomamiac to realise how delutional you sound.
Wow.
Five, no wait, six days. That’s how long it took for my haters to find out anon asks was on and have a meltdown.
And look! Dehumanization galore! And yes, anon, you are hating on Jared. I’ve yet to met a genuine J2M fan who doesn’t subtly hate on Jared, because he stands in the way of their fantasies.
You say I’m being parasocial. Okay. How aren’t you being parasocial by wanting Jensen and Misha to fuck? Or have Destiel to happen, even though the show’s been over for four years and was never canon?
What do I do? I write observations of the human behavior. I never leave my blog to hate on others. Ever. I ignore my haters, even when they dehumanize me and then try to pretend they’re good people. I’ve tried to stay above it all, to not sink to their level. I won’t sink to yours.
Hate me all you want, anon.
You’re just proving me right, again and again.
Meanwhile, what do I do? I write about how worried I am about Jensen. About how happy I am for his career. Celebrate his joy with Jared. Then I talk about abuse, to help people notice the signs. To help them. I write about my family that I love dearly.
I enjoy talking with other bloggers, and I imagine they enjoy talking with me. If it helps you to think I’m unloved and unwanted and unliked, go for it. Let that delusion be a balm to your wounded ego.
Meanwhile, I’m gonna go live my best life, enjoy being a gossip columnist of three fantastic Texans, a cat mom, a writer, a mother, and friend.
Thanks for the talk.
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