#i love him in a “need to chew him like a rubber toy” way

[littlelightfish]

Holm <3

[lunarriviera]

the huo daofu round-up post i have been threatening for a really long time now

Thinking about this man, I was just admitting to chat "honestly cannot believe how much life energy i have invested in such a minor character" but the truth of the matter is, I was mildly obsessed with Huo Daofu from Reboot alone; his odd unresolved backstory in Sha Hai just cemented my mental formation. Because let's be real, in a world of overly earnest tomb raiders, this man is a goddamn catty delight. The dainty bitterness! The barely concealed eye-rolling! So many impeccable That Bitch vibes. And his unimpressed snark is honestly such a refreshing antidote to Wu Xie's whole everyone-loves-him Marty Sue thing that even when you discover Huo Daofu secretly ALSO loves him, you don't mind, because by that point Dr. Youtiao is a savage queen who can do no wrong.

And He Longlong clearly made this guy up. In the novels he's just sort of a vaguely beardy guy who drives a truck, that's literally all I remember him ever doing. But someone cast this man, and they gave him some rubber bands and pizza coupons and chewed gum of a script to work with, and he promptly decided: I will make him extremely gay. And staggeringly bitchy. AND IT WORKS. He devours every frame he's in, he steals every scene. It's a performance worthy of Alan Rickman and yes I will die upon this hill.

We all know the bitchy-ex-boyfriend scenes in Reboot—"oh my god I literally can't wait for you to perish from lungs" and then Huo Daofu spends like every moment trying to keep Wu Xie alive, sheltering him uselessly from the rain with his hand, rubbing his back when he coughs, looking (when no one's watching but the camera) like he's maybe going to stop breathing himself, when Wu Xie does.

Apparently Huo Daofu's name sounds very silly in Chinese which I think is appropriate for someone who apparently (?) grew up in Germany (?) and went to the University of Heidelberg (?) (honestly don't waste time trying to figure out DMBJ canon, NPSS has thoughtfully ensured that will only be exhausting and futile). Spurious medical qualifications aside, he's super handy in fanfic, too, when you need a sketchy doctor, as all tomb-raiding mob families invariably do.

[someone once pointed out to me that this combination of degree topics basically translates into "how to dispose of bodies"]

I could also hold forth on him and Yang Hao—like, Su Wan alone makes it REAL clear that Huo Daofu's interest in the kid isn't just avuncular or entrepreneurial:

"Are you working for him, or are you working for him?" And Su Wan should be protective, because Yang Hao is honestly kind of an idiot, and probably doesn't realize he's being assiduously groomed not just as a mob boss but as a potential boy toy. (NB by the way that there are 44 fics in the Huo Daofu/Yang Hao tag, and disappointingly, not a single one of them is in English. Western fandom needs Jesus.)

But the thing is, Huo Daofu SAVES his ass in Gutongjing. Everyone forgets that. There's easily half a dozen times where he grabs Yang Hao's shoulder and hauls him back from danger. And Huo Daofu is the one Jiumen member smart enough to get out ahead of disaster, and to take Yang Hao with him. Here he is looking fabulous in a completely unnecessary but dramatic scarf.

And, at the end, he lets Yang Hao go. Because he's secretly decent.

Sure, he has some vaguely sketchy take-over-the-Huos plans, plans that clearly go awry at some point no matter how dramatically and villainously he makes tea. Sure, he exudes a scurrilous sort of evil. But he's COMPELLING and that's all I care about. Look at his pretty little face here, sourly plotting things, in a windowpane-checked suit which should be ridiculous but just winds up looking snazzy as fuck compared to the rest of the Jiumen. This is a man who understands the value of a pocket square. Thank you so much, He Longlong, we didn't deserve you putting your entire snatch into this very minor performance but some of us are extremely grateful.

So here are seven ficrecs, with a podfic and a meta from AO3. Please let me know if I should add anything (Tumblr meta?)—this post WILL be updated, because I have too much time on my hands and care unreasonably about the mean-spirited little bastard.

‡

Remember how this used to be (3569 words) by achray Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: 盗墓笔记重启 | The Lost Tomb Reboot (TV) Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Huo Daofu/Wu Xie (DMBJ Series) Characters: Huo Daofu (DMBJ Series), Wu Xie (DMBJ Series), Wang Pangzi Additional Tags: Missing Scene, Angst, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Background Wu Xie/Zhang Qiling, Wu Xie being a gremlin, Canon-typical references to illness Summary:

“That wasn’t a no,” Wu Xie said, his smile widening. “I thought you still wanted me.”

Notes: How is this both hot and sad? I don't know, that's the magic of fanfiction. This was the first Wu Xie/Huo Daofu fic I ever read and frankly the genre needs more entries, but this is a good one.

‡

the rime dictionary of Wu Xie (7433 words) by scherzanda Chapters: 6/6 Fandom: 盗墓笔记重启 | The Lost Tomb Reboot (TV) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Wu Xie/Zhang Qiling, Wang Pangzi/Ye Piaopiao, Wang Pangzi & Wu Xie & Zhang Qiling Characters: Wu Xie (DMBJ Series), Wang Pangzi, Zhang Qiling, Ye Piaopiao, Huo Daofu (DMBJ Series), Xiao Mei, Wu Erbai, Li Jiale (DMBJ Series) Additional Tags: Piaopiao lives, Post-Canon, Canon Flashbacks, canonical illness, fun with the common cold, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Handwaved SI Recovery, Canon-typical Ershu Infodump, Quasi-History-Compliant, Yuletide Treat Summary:

This is why (even now) Wu Xie shouldn’t be let out alone—one trip out to the provinces, and he comes home with a bad cold and an unsolved mystery.

Notes: this is one of my very favorite Huo Daofu writers and here's why—read this little excerpt. The angst. The PAIN. Wu Xie absolutely broke this man's heart at some point and honestly Huo Daofu is really only himself if he's suffering, love that for him:

“Easy,” he said, when Wu Xie couldn’t seem to stop coughing. “Here—” and reached for the rest of the tea, except that it wasn’t on the table any longer.

Zhang Qiling was holding the mug; he had somehow gone around to the other side of the bed, moving in that flowing now-you-see-it-now-you-don’t way that never seemed quite human, to sit down cross-legged on the bed by Wu Xie so that their shoulders touched. Huo Daofu snatched his hand away from Wu Xie’s back as if an electrical current might flow through the double contact.

“Wu Xie,” Zhang Qiling said, and then something else so quiet it was inaudible, holding the tea so Wu Xie could drink.

Looking at the open tenderness on that remote, beautiful face, utterly focused on Wu Xie, made Huo Daofu feel as if his flesh was trying to part ways with his bones. It was a pain his medical texts didn’t have a word for, deeper and more primitive than jealousy or resentment.

Wu Xie, getting his breath back, looked sideways at him with one of those sudden grins. “Sorry, Xiao Huo. You’re still out of luck when it comes to watching me die. Maybe next time.”

Huo Daofu’s voice would not quite leave his throat. Instead, Xiao Mei said crossly “Tianzhen-shu, that’s dumb.” Most of her attention was still on her phone screen. “Why would Dr. Huo want to watch you die.”

Wu Xie looked at him, still smiling.

“It’s a long story,” said Huo Daofu, “and it doesn’t matter now.”

‡

even through hesitation (10407 words) by naiwong_bao Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: 盗墓笔记重启 | The Lost Tomb Reboot (TV), 沙海 | Tomb of the Sea (TV), 盗墓笔记 - 南派三叔 | The Grave Robbers' Chronicles - Xu Lei Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Huo Daofu & Huo Xiuxiu, Hei Xia Zi/Huo Xiuxiu/Xie Yuchen Characters: Huo Daofu (DMBJ Series), Huo Xiuxiu, Yang Hao (DMBJ Series), Hei Xia Zi (DMBJ Series), Xie Yuchen, Wu Xie (DMBJ Series), Wang Pangzi Additional Tags: Found Family, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Character Study, Alternate Universe - Fantasy Series: Part 3 of this is where we live Summary:

He’s a boy so Huo Daofu knows from the beginning that there are no expectations for him, he can do as he likes. So he plays, he cries, he does what children do.

Then his parents die.

No one wants him, no one has time for him, so his family sends him to Germany for school. It’ll be a good opportunity, his family says. He can do whatever he wants, be free of the family business, they’ll take care of him over there. He doesn’t want to go, he doesn't know who they are, but he doesn’t get a say.

So he goes to Germany where the language is strange, the food is strange, the people are strange, and he wants to go home so badly that his teeth ache.

Huo Daofu builds a life for himself, but at the first sign of trouble, years and years and years later, he rents out his apartment to an acquaintance, and flies home.

But.

The language is strange, he doesn’t know the slang, the food is strange, the people are strange.

His family is cold and he still doesn’t get a say. --- Huo Daofu between the end of Tomb of the Sea and when he reappears in Reboot. AKA Huo Daofu learns to care a little.

‡

The Mark of a Man (2279 words) by JhanaMay Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: 沙海 | Tomb of the Sea (TV), 盗墓笔记 - 南派三叔 | The Grave Robbers' Chronicles - Xu Lei Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Huo Daofu & Yang Hao (DMBJ Series) Characters: Huo Daofu (DMBJ Series), Yang Hao (DMBJ Series) Additional Tags: Loneliness, Found Family even when it makes you want to scream, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Huo Daofu is a mediocre role model Series: Part 8 of The Art of Conversation, Part 7 of The Art of Conversation Side Stories Summary:

When Huo Daofu inducted Yang Hao into the Huo family business, he wasn't expecting to become the boy's de facto babysitter.

Notes: a poignant little vignette in which Huo Daofu has a heart.

‡

[META] Huo Daofu's Youtiao Stand (739 words) by Thimblerig Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: 盗墓笔记 - 南派三叔 | The Grave Robbers' Chronicles - Xu Lei, 沙海 | Tomb of the Sea (TV), 盗墓笔记重启 | The Lost Tomb Reboot (TV) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Huo Daofu & Huo Xiuxiu, Huo Daofu & Wu Xie (DMBJ Series) Characters: Huo Daofu (DMBJ Series) Additional Tags: Meta, Worldbuilding, Huo Daofu's Delicious Fried Snacks Series: Part 2 of DMBJ Meta Summary:

Huo Daofu is a supporting character in Sand Sea. Ambitious, wily, hungry, he’s far from one of the main villains of the story but he’s not nice, either. By the end of Sand Sea Huo Daofu has exploited the chaos caused by the ill-founded expedition to Gutongjing to take over various of the Huo Family operations.

When he appears in Reboot: Sound of Providence, he is a purveyor of delicious fried bread snacks. He’s clearly not hurting for money, so why…?

Notes: this is one of my favorite little HDF explorations, theorizing that Huo Xiuxiu busted him down a rank, and I think that's beautiful.

‡

starting in darkness, like a pure line of light (10167 words) by scherzanda Chapters: 5/5 Fandom: 盗墓笔记重启 | The Lost Tomb Reboot (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Huo Daofu/Bai Haotian, Bai Haotian & Wu Xie, Liu Sang & Wu Xie (DMBJ Series), Bai Haotian & Liu Sang Characters: Wu Xie (DMBJ Series), Huo Daofu (DMBJ Series), Bai Haotian, Liu Sang (DMBJ Series), Wang Pangzi, Zhang Qiling Additional Tags: background pingxie, background Iron Triangle, past Wu Xie/Huo Daofu, Post-Canon, hurt/sarcasm, Fade to Black, Dialogue Heavy, meta-adjacent, Self-Indulgent Use of Chinese, Emotional Hurt/Comfort Summary:

Some emotional loose ends are never going to be tied up, but at least they can be recognized and shared. Or, a selection of the worst best only ways to comfort one another in the aftermath.

Notes: absolutely nothing makes me, a Huo Daofu stan, happier than scherzanda's fics featuring him. You would think this is an odd pairing, but it's really not—the two people who love Wu Xie most and are left behind by him? They have so much in common. Also, this fic has a podfic!

[PODFIC] starting in darkness, like a pure line of light, by scherzanda (701 words) by Thimblerig Chapters: 3/3 Fandom: 盗墓笔记重启 | The Lost Tomb Reboot (TV), 盗墓笔记 - 南派三叔 | The Grave Robbers' Chronicles - Xu Lei Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Huo Daofu/Bai Haotian, Bai Haotian & Wu Xie, Liu Sang & Wu Xie (DMBJ Series), Bai Haotian & Liu Sang Characters: Wu Xie (DMBJ Series), Huò Dàofū, Bai Haotian, Liu Sang (DMBJ Series), Wang Pangzi, Zhang Qiling Additional Tags: background pingxie, background Iron Triangle, past Wu Xie/Huo Daofu, Post-Canon, hurt/sarcasm, Fade to Black, Dialogue Heavy, Meta Adjacent, Self-Indulgent Use of Chinese, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Podfic, podficcer not a native chinese-speaker but is doing her best, Podfic Length: 1-1.5 Hours

‡

do the work, love the work (1616 words) by scherzanda Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: 盗墓笔记重启 | The Lost Tomb Reboot (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Characters: Huo Daofu (DMBJ Series), Wu Xie (DMBJ Series), Wang Pangzi, Zhang Qiling, Liu Sang (DMBJ Series), Bai Haotian, Wu Erbai Additional Tags: Mid-Canon, Missing Scene, Character Study, Post-Canon, Yuletide Treat Summary:

It doesn't always look that way, but Huo Daofu is doing his best.

Notes: once again I just have to excerpt, so you'll GET IT:

The train had nearly reached Hangzhou by the time Wu Xie spoke to him beyond the commonplace. He was still sitting in the corridor, staring dreamily at the growing suburbs, while Zhang Qiling gave Wang Pangzi a hand in the cabin. He looked up as Huo Daofu came back from the hot water dispenser. “Xiao Huo, xinkule. Sorry you never got that chance to watch me die, eh?”

Huo Daofu closed his eyes and looked away from Wu Xie’s smile, unshadowed now with death, brilliant and painful. “I’m sorry too,” he said, eyes still closed, and did not say any of the things he was sorry for.

‡

not only the sugar, but the days (3000 words) by A Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: 盗墓笔记重启 | The Lost Tomb Reboot (TV), 盗墓笔记 - 南派三叔 | The Grave Robbers' Chronicles - Xu Lei Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Bai Haotian/Huo Daofu Characters: Huo Daofu (DMBJ Series), Bai Haotian Additional Tags: Mentions of Death, Healing, Getting Together, Youtiao as a Metaphor, Also Actual Youtiao Summary:

His gaze meets Bai Haotian's, who's trying so hard to keep it together, and he knows that Wu Xie will break her heart when he dies, and it won't even be his fault. He never fucking means to.

Notes: another recent entry in the HDF/Bai Haotian post-canon and I love it unreasonably. They both love Wu Xie SO MUCH and it's just taking them OUT. Their subsequent connection is natural and it's funny as hell, the author loves them both and it shows:

"Are you really sure?" Bai Haotian says softly, and Huo Daofu looks up.

"What?"

"About the week."

"At best," he says, then winces. Fuck it. "It'll be three days," he says, loud enough to carry through the bedroom door, "if he keeps pulling these stunts!" There's a muffled noise and some very clear profanity from Pangzi, which Huo Daofu ignores. "See if I care!" he adds, but it's just not the same without Wu Xie there to grin at him, unrepentant.

He can feel Bai Haotian's hand covering his own, just loosely, where it's half curled into a fist against his thigh. He turns his head. The look she gives him is so full of unquestioning kindness, of understanding, he almost has to close his eyes against it.

"I'm sure," he says quietly, not really looking at her. "But he's proven me wrong before."

He can see her nod as she takes that in, and then they just sit there in silence, her hand over his, not moving.

‡

In conclusion, just because I can, from some of my favorite posts:

[ohyka]

[jeong-guwon]

[januaryisnotanartist]

Please also do not fail to check out the magnificent Dr Mal Practice post, as well as "it's not his fucking birthday" and "I'll fucking do it but christ alive." These users truly understand the essence of Huo Daofu.

PS also don't sleep on Huo Daofu and Liu Sang having a fabulous bitch-off in Hua Mei, a Sha Hai side story ft. haunted Wushanju. Another side story, Ran Gu, also has a swooning Kan Jian. Quality entertainment!

[bra1nwashed]

Hello, you requested someone asking for your Swiss and Aeon HCs so here I am! Please, tell me all of them, I love reading headcanons for the ghouls

AHHHH OMG i swear every time someone asks me something that i know i know i forget immediately every time 😭

but also hiiiii! idk who u are cuz i've had a LOT of people pop up in my notes these past few days but like, hello!! :3

these definitely aren't all the ones i have bc these literally pop into my mind randomly throughout the day

also this is super long 😭

but uhmmm here u go :D

swiss stuff:

he's actually much more of a cat person than a dog person (he still likes dogs tho)

and like, don't get me wrong- he loves cats in general

but he loves the chaotic, crack head, stupid ones especially

they match his energy and he thinks they're super cute

i feel like he (along with mountain) were the types as kits to bring in random animals like raccoons, opossums, etc and then just carry it around

like bring the animals to [the] papa[s] and just be like "look what i caught! can we keep him?!"

he has a red lava lamp that he once got for christmas from sodo in his room but it doesn't work right bc he shook it up

as a kit, he used to google different ways to prank people and he'd go on chaos sprees (commonly joined by dew as well)

poor rain suffered the most of his antics

he wasn't really close with any of the ghouls or ghoulettes specifically when he was new to them

he still isn't

he loves all equally, even if the others aren't the same way

peed in a sink once when he was high + drunk

mountain's personal bedroom bathroom sink specifically

whenever he sees babies, he smiles big (it scares them sometimes)

used to have a major biting problem when he was younger

copia got him oral fidget toys

literally knawed on that shit constantly

likes the feeling of chewing rubber

has a very broad music taste

phantom/aeon stuff:

when he was newer and needed ppl around to make sure he wouldn't get himself in any kind of trouble, all of the ghouls and papa were busy

so they left him with the ghoulettes

and they all watched mean girls together

he genuinely really liked the movie

but he was really easily spooked when he was first summoned

so the part when regina george got hit with the bus jump scared him

secretly related to that one character who didn't go to the school in that scene in the gymnasium (i hope this is specific enough)

thinks liz gillies is super pretty

also has a very wide music taste

he and swiss have a playlist they made together on spotify of songs they like and it's so much shit mixed together it feels like a fever dream when u listen to it in order

has eaten bananas with peels on them a multitude of times

doesn't like oranges or limes

love lemons tho

once drank a thing of lemon juice in less under 10 minutes cuz he was bored

got sick asf

doesn't like headphones

he thinks they're too big so he prefers earbuds (wireless or wired doesn't matter to him)

had to get help from rain trying to figure out how bluetooth works

ended up teaching copia later

dew once dared him to drink two shot glasses worth of a mixture of hot sauce, mayo, peanut butter, and pickle juice for 20 monopoly dollars and phantom did it bc he thought it was real money

he doesn't mind most vegetables but he hates squash and zucchini, canned italian green beans, frozen carrots (he thinks they're soggy), and canned spinach

loves cranberries and cranberry flavored things

as well as pomegranate

isn't the biggest fan of cherries but loves the ones u get in jars for cheesecake toppings

bagel enjoyer

hates raisins

hates oatmeal

has thrown up numerous times after drinking cherry cough syrup

anywaysssss that's all i have for now :3

also i'm really sorry :( i know a lot of these are more like scenarios than HCs (i hope u still enjoyed tho!)

[effie-of-the-feywild]

WELCOME BACK TO ANOTHER EFFIE PSA!!!

This time, mimic care! Now- this may be surprising to some people, but I have a pet mimic, and a rowdy one at that. His name is Chester Duncan Virens, and he takes the form of a blue polka-dot bowl filled with popcorn! I think I have a picture somewhere…

THERE HE IS!!! Look at my precious boy!

Thing is with mimics, they can be very tricky to train. Transitioning out of that craving-humanoid-flesh phase is difficult, but here are some tips and tricks I learned!

1. slowly introduce alternative foods: Chester gets hungry easily, and tends to lunge at anything with flesh. I have found that by offering other meats like jerky and rat snacks distracts him and takes him away from whatever he’s targeting. Bonus points if you put it on some wheels- mimics love to hunt!

2. chew toys!!!: Mimics are biters, and Chester attack anything that he feels threatened by. This leads to holes in clothes, furniture, and even your own flesh! Not fun. When your mimic is feeling bite-y, other a chew toy made of bone, rubber, or any other sturdy material. You can even stuff it with snacks for some enrichment.

3. correct bad behavior: Mimics don’t know what you like or dislike unless you tell them. Correcting bad behavior can be tricky, ESPECIALLY if you have a mischievous lad. What I’ve used with Chester are different tones. Soft voices and pets for good behavior, stern voice for bad behavior. You can even use some mimic-spray if you really need your mimic to stop doing something (it just scares them, but use sparingly)

4. spend time with your mimic: a mimic has to get used to you, and best way to do that is to spend time with them! If your mimic is still bite-y, try sitting outside their cage and slowly offering your hand to sniff. Gloves and armor may be needed.

5. Containment: if your mimic is a bit of an escape artist, finding the proper cage is important. Reinforced steel bar cages are strong enough to withstand a mimic’s jaws. Having fences with these bars is good too, mimics gotten get fresh air! If you wanna take your mimic for a walk, make sure you get a high quality collar with a chain leash. A mimic may be used to you, but they are still bite-y around others

Befriending a mimic is a tough but rewarding journey. Everyone can have their own ways for taming a mimic, these are just things that have worked for me! There might even be a time where your mimic doesn’t need a cage or a leash! They can be loyal companions and protectors if you can gain their trust.

[immeasurablesaladagere]

hihi salad!!!

can i get some oral fixation chase hcs please? that boy is always putting something in his mouth in canon and i think this is an underutilized genre. bitey chase has my soul (and also is me. do not ask about the medieval times show and restaurant circa 1995 sword covered in bite marks in my grandfather's house). <3 love your fics and hcs keep up the good work also do you have ao3?

Yeppers! I do have an Ao3, but it's been inactive for like two years lol. I'm re-writing all my old stuff because it is two years behind my current skill and it pains me to read a little. I might post all these fics as like one big masterpost at some point, just because I've made so many now (over 35! :000) Might link my Ao3 acc once I update everything.

Onto headcanons:

Broke every single pencil he's ever touched by literally chewing them in half. Forget erasers, those are gone within the first 5 minutes, the whole pencil is shredded within the week.

They replaced the wooden pencils with mechanical ones and pens to fix the wood-chips-everywhere problem, but then there were just a bunch of longer-lasting writing utensils covered in teeth marks.

Regressed Chase must have something to chew on hand at all times. If he doesn't have one, he moves to blankets, clothes, toys, random objects, anything nearby. It's just something he does without thinking.

Sleeve cuffs are covered in holes. He's ruined so many sweaters.

Likes his pacis, but he prefers teething toys instead. Mostly because it's way easier to break a pacifier by biting it (and he chews hard), but those rubber rings or freezable plastic ones are great, 10/10.

It's almost like a game to see how long each chewie will last. It's also how House and/or Wilson pick out chewable toys for the other regressors, because Chase has already stress-tested the brand.

Chronic nail-biter. When he was younger he used to bite them until they bled, but now it's mostly just to the nub. Big-him is working on it, little-him is undoing all the progress.

Generally likes using his paci regardless of age, but if there's other people around, even caregivers, he might refrain because he thinks that a big kid using a paci is weird. On his own tho, uses it all over the place.

"Chase."

*takes his sleeve out of his mouth, no further instruction needed*

Constantly being reminded not to bite things by everybody, little or not. Little because it's not good for him and big because he's actively wrecking office supplies.

Also foods! Very particular about certain textures in his mouth, some are bad enough to make him gag.

Likes candy you suck on or chew for a long time (gum, jolly ranchers, lollipops, etc.)

Don't give him lollipops with the paper sticks, same problem as the pencils.

[jovialjuggernaut-draws]

I posted 741 times in 2022

493 posts created (67%)

248 posts reblogged (33%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@jovialjuggernaut-draws

@drones-art

@the-alice-of-hearts

@jovialjuggernaut

@forevercloudnine

I tagged 507 of my posts in 2022

Only 32% of my posts had no tags

#riddlebat - 224 posts

#batriddler - 200 posts

#riddler - 189 posts

#batman - 142 posts

#bruce wayne - 110 posts

#edward nygma - 94 posts

#the riddler - 93 posts

#edward nashton - 78 posts

#the batman (2022) - 55 posts

#edward nigma - 50 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#also im in a discord w lfwrites and. she said this was also sent to her so like. not really inclined to respond to a prompt sent en masse

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Literally ran to ur blog as soon as I could pick my brain back off the theater floor to post comprehensibly what r ur thoughts I am so AAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAA

oh my god no thoughts im screaming

holy shit

1) eddie was SO horny. the whole time. he kept up a boner in every fucking scene. that man was the horniest hes ever been. i think he came in his pants when he got cuffed. AND THEN STARED BRUCE IN THE EYE AFTER sticky pants and theres his fucking Beloved watching him hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

2) the arkham breakdown.......... he fully believed bruce would fall in love with him then and there........... this really was the same eddie as batman forever he had the same exact pair of glasses and he was just as convinced one conversation would drop that man to one knee ring in hand

hed practiced that speech so many times but never saw past his heart eyes BRUCE you could have done something there!!! YES hes unhinged but now hes unhinged AND has your voice replaying eternally in his head digging at him hhhhhhhhhh god i love bruce making these men worse

3) Batmobile.... Sexy.

4) Bat boots...... Sexy.

5) Selina owns no good wigs and thats so funny. shes wearing the 5 dollarest wigs she could find

6) bruce punching gordo. bruce and gordo besties. this was a buddy cop comedy.

7) bruces shirtless scene being his fucking conspiracy board scene.................... if eddie had seen THAT fucking CHRIST heda been all over him like jam on bread i tell u hwat

tangentially bruce and eddie the same man. stalkers. creeps. standing there silently. watching waiting etc. love when theyre similar makes me fuzzy inside

the fact that bruce just instantly guesses the right thing to find the next clue so many times he and eddie think EXACTLY the same way theyre on SUCH a wavelength!!! the same fucking wavelength!!!!

anyway my brains fucking scattered and i need time to process and im so fucking hhhhhhhhhhgghh

i gotta write i gotta draw i gotta cosplay eddie in his lil arkham outfit w his shitty collar i need to learn to sing ave maria i love that man with my whole heart and soul i cant believe i wasnt kicked out of the theater i got so many compliments on my eddie jacket

296 notes - Posted March 5, 2022

#4

WHO ELSE LOSING THEIR MINDS TONIGHT

328 notes - Posted October 12, 2022

#3

himmmmmmmmmm

397 notes - Posted March 6, 2022

#2

today.... i am thinking about....

bruce taking the rats from eddies apartment home bc theres no one to take care of them w eddie in arkham and he looks up absolute mountains of rat care info and gets them an absolutely MASSIVE enclosure, fucking floor to ceiling, 5-6 levels, different stairs and platforms etc to get to each level, different chew toys on every level, and theyre fat and happy and he sometimes w take one out to sit on his shoulder and nibble at his hair when he needs a Rubber Duck for a case

and maybe also he goes to visit eddie in arkham once in a while and updates him abt how the rats r doing and its just that little connection between them like hes given the rats a better life as a proxy for edward and

anyway. bruces new pet rats.

601 notes - Posted March 15, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I find your power to rewrite history (create random bondage edits that get so high on google images that multiple people believe the Riddler just regularly wears rope under his clothes) to be awe-inspiring, and everyone should follow you if only to hear the next words of a prophet. What is the new fanon, wise one?

bruce wayne trans

835 notes - Posted August 5, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[gods-sugar-daddy]

Characters I want to rattle like an angry maraca for an undiscerned amount of time based on how chewy they are

Call him gum the way I'm chewing on him all day

Starscream

Look at him. He's a petty bitch. He's standing there all smug and confident while thousands of traumas happen around him. He's a girlboss, he's an unrepentant pathological liar, he's megatron's silly rabbit, he's my babygirl. He's one of those toys that is animal shape but if you squeeze it, it's eyes or stomach pops out. I want to do that to him constantly. He has an immortal spark so it's ok he'll live.

Newt Giezler

He's the type of scientist Ian Malcom would hate. He's the Icarus of his tale. He overshot the sun and landed in the black hole at the center of our galaxy. He's not doomed by the narrative, the narrative is doomed by him. He's like a dog you need to keep an eye on constantly or else he decides that he actually can eat chocolate and devours a whole cake. Telling him to slow down is a slap in the face. How dare you tell him to wait for everyone else when he can finally see the way to save humanity, all the while becoming their enemy's greatest weapon. He's so invested in interviewing God he forgot he was dining with the devil. Who gets the bill in the end?

Jason Todd

Look at him. Look. He's everything he's been told but so much more. He's the tragic son. The black sheep. His past is rags to riches, his present is the unsettling truth, I hope his future is good. This is the guy that got me into fandoms. He is a part of my soul. So hurt and beaten by the world yet still kind and caring.

Ramses II (Prince of Egypt)

I am not talking about the real Pharaoh, only the one created by Dreamworks. Now I am a slut for good sibling dynamics but the best one is sibling vs sibling. I want that drama, the emotion of caring for someone your whole life only for them to betray you. Moses was ok to fight Ramses I when he went to free the Jews but to face his brother, one of the closest people he's ever been to, it's devastating. The utter joy when Ramses expressed when Moses is alive, he practically abandoned court etiquette. He was willing to lie to his father to keep Moses safe. They were the closest of brothers and now they're pitted against each other.

A rubber band, sproingy but not sustainable

Jazz

What do you see when you see Jazz? A happy go lucky guy without a care in the world? Wrong. He's Special Operations which means he's cheats, lies, steals for a living. He operates on a kill or be killed basis and he will kick your ass if he feels like it

Sunstreaker and Sideswipe

They're precious boys. They stand out from the Autobots bc they're so decepticon like. They were in the same Pit as Megatron and instead of joining him, they chose the Autobots. And despite all the comments, they're so loyal to the Autobots.

Skyfire

Imagine crashing in a snowstorm then waking up 4 billion years later that your entire planet is dead. Skyfire woke up to a world devastated by civil war, to a decepticon that wore his partner's face. He thought he knew what he was getting into because Starscream wouldn't lie to him. But he did. Skyfire shot down his ex because he's a good bot at heart and it hurts him to see someone close to him like this. He's a main character of a Greek tragedy.

Predigested sludge

Bumblebee

Listen, I love Bee. He got me into tf. But my god is he everywhere. I get it, he's the kids character. But he can be fun and playful and still kick ass. Looking at his arc from tfp to its successor RiD15, those are two different Bumblebees. Id love to shake him but he's Hasbro's cash cow. You can't shake a cash cow without the jangle drawing out capitalists.

[casspurrjoybell-33]

Wreckless - Dinosaurs

*Warning Adult Content*

Emmett

I rinse and then float a bit and swim enough to get warm.

By the time I'm heading back to shore, Finnegan has the toys out and his adorable hat on.

"Hey, I had a thought."

"I liked your thought last night, Emmett. Is this another one like that?"

No, unfortunately it isn't quite that good.

"No. I was thinking that we need to have lunch pretty soon and we're not going to want to stop building the sand castle. How about we go play miniature golf at the dinosaur place you saw yesterday? Then we can have lunch and come back afterwards to build the castle? I know you want to do it now but that way we'll have almost all afternoon."

I'm not sure that's going to fly but it really is a better use of our day.

"I love miniature golf."

That I know, he had a blast last time.

"And I really wanna build a castle. But I want a big awesome castle. How much time till lunch?"

"About an hour, perfect for golf and they probably have somewhere to eat close by or we can grab something at the house and get changed before golf. Are you hungry yet?"

He had two breakfasts but didn't really eat much.

"Yes. I wanna go change and then eat first. We can golf and then you promise we can come back?"

"Of course, Finnegan."

If I rinse our suits and put them out by the pool they'll probably be mostly dry by the time we get back.

We really only need his rash guard, we're accumulating swim trunks at an astonishing rate.

All of this is really too much planning... I need to relax because it will all work out.

"I like dinosaurs," he says as we head back to the house.

I need to find him some dinosaur undies or toys.

I wasn't sure how he felt about them until he practically crawled out of the window yesterday on the way to the Crab House.

He was pointing and bouncing in his seat at the huge dinosaurs.

I can't lie, they're pretty amazing and I totally understand why Finnegan was so excited.

Twenty minutes later we're eating cheeseburgers next door to the dinosaur place.

He looks so normal compared to the sand covered boy in a shark outfit I was with all morning but he's mentally the same.

"Slow down, they're not busy so we can go whenever."

He's going to choke if he keeps shoving hamburger into his face at this rate.

He's too busy staring at the T-rex to pay me any mind.

"Emmett?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm done. I want a red ball. Can I have a red one?"

One of the simpler things he's asked for although honestly... I've read horror stories of bratty littles and he just isn't.

He's really pretty easy which is good because I have no idea what I'm doing.

"If they have red, you can have red but I'm not finished yet. Will you wait for me?"

"Of course. Can you hurry?"

No. I plan on actually chewing my lunch.

"Patience, young grasshopper."

"Grasshopper? You can call me that. I like it."

Kind of long for a nickname but it's cute... We'll see. 

He certainly bounces around like one sometimes. 

"It's from an old show my dad liked. Kung Fu or something. One of those shows that's so bad it's good."

I finish up my burger and toss our trash in the can.

"Okay, let's go."

He looks at everything but I've noticed during this trip that little Finn doesn't really like talking to people.

He wanted me to order his burger and now he's leaving me to handle getting our clubs and balls.

It's why he requested red ahead of time.

Ah, I'm starting to figure him out.

'Little Finnegan' is rather shy or maybe it's just easier to stay in head-space when he's not making decisions and speaking to people who don't know he's little.

It makes sense.

He follows me outside and I hand him his club and ball.

"Do you want to keep score?"

"Yes. I'm going to win," he declares, putting his ball down on the little rubber pad.

He's actually pretty good.

He told me last time that he's only played a few times and that was years ago but he's as good as I am, not that that's saying much.

"You might."

We wind our way through the first four holes and at the fifth I can hear the people ahead of us on the course, the path bends around so they're right next to us through some bushes.

"That's not fair, it's cheating. You have to go down the Dino's tail or it doesn't count." a young man says.

Finnegan hits and then it's my turn.

Apparently whoever was getting yelled at over there isn't having it.

"It's not blocked off Rhys... you can go either way," the guy sounds tired and I start to wonder if I'm hearing part of a daddy and little conversation.

I do pretty well... my ball lands about four feet from the hole.

"No daddy..." rings out clear as a bell when I turn around and Finnegan says loudly...

"He called that man daddy."

The bushes part like the red sea and a rather frustrated man... no older than myself says...

"Mind your own business."

Finnegan dashes behind me and that's not okay... so I go through the bushes.

"Hey, he didn't mean anything by it."

Definitely a little... the outfit is more than a dead giveaway.

I can't lie... the other boy is super cute.

"Your boy is loud... which is fine but you can't expect to not get comments from mine. I'm sure yours has said at least one inappropriate thing that you wish he hadn't."

The man's entire face changes and he laughs.

"Shit... I didn't know he was a little too. I'm sorry. I'll apologize to him. And you're right... Rhys doesn't have a volume control. He figures if he can't see you, you can't hear him. I'm Quincy."

"Emmett."

We walk around the corner like civilized people instead of heading through the bushes again.

Finnegan seems more dazed than anything.

"This is Quincy and Rhys," I say by way of introduction.

"And this is Finnegan."

Quincy makes good on his word.

"I'm sorry Finnegan... I was just trying to protect Rhys... just like your daddy protects you. I'm sorry if I scared you."

Rhys runs over and hugs Finn... so fast that he doesn't have time to react. 

"All better? I'm Rhys... I'm five. How old are you?"

Finn looks slightly terrified when Rhys let's go and he's not answering so I do it. 

"He's about seven or eight... when he's in little-headspace... I think."

"Rhys," Quincy warns. "Let's go play golf."

[annieandro]

Alfred is a boy with the best of sneezes; He says, "a'choo" When He Pleases. We all sneeze and just say, "choo," but he says, a, a, a, a'choo.

Beautiful buttons are all you see; The brightest buttons are on Ben. His buttons are better than any you'd buy Because they're his body, his back and his eye.

Cotton candy, sweet and thin, Makes Cassie's soft, sticky skin. And her cotton candy bones Are giant cotton candy cones.

Duchess had no appetite, Though she tried to eat with all her might. Then Duchess decided if she had to eat, Delicious doughnuts would be her treat.

Edward likes exercise so well He always carries his barbell; He exercises an exciting way; With exercise energy he saves the day.

Frank has feet that are funny. His feet make him hop like a funny bunny. His feet don't fit into any shoe. Poor Frank! What shall he do?

Gooey gum, gooey gum, goes with Gabby. Goodness gracious, Gooey gum is a sight to see! Gobs and gobs of gooey gum-chewing it all day. Her gooey gum is sugarless: She'll have no tooth decay!

Hayley has horrible hair. Haircuts are too much for her to bear. Her hair is horrid and always a mess; But she is quite happy that way, I guess.

Ichabod is very, very bright-He's been inventing day and night! Imaginative ideas pop into his head And he never stops thinking Till it's time for bed.

A junky jewel or junky' toy Makes Jeffery jump for joy. Anything that's thrown away is a joy for Jumbled Jeffery.

Kicking Kevin, Kicking Kevin, Kicking games are he'll play. Kick, kick, kick, kick, Kicking games are all he'll pick.

Lovely lemon lollipops just for Lila; Lila love lemon lollipops very, very well. Lollipops lollipops lovely to lick, Lollipops lollipops on a lollipop stick.

May must munch and munch; Sandwiches make a marvelous lunch. Her mouth is munching all day long; She eats so much She's mighty strong.

Nayomi's nose is a nose that is had by no others; Not even her nieces or nephews or brothers.She has nifty fingers and very nice toes, But she has a noise instead of a nose.

Owen, the Optimist, is so nice, that's so! He's the most optimistic optimist, you will ever know. With such a cheerful outlook, No room for gloom or doubt look That's our Owen!

Pointy Patches are all we see When we peek at Pearl. Her patches of blue and patches of yellow Make Pearl a pointy-patch fellow.

Poor Quiet Quillinda has nothing to do. She just hangs around Not making a sound.

Rubber bands, rubber bands: That's Richard. He winds up rubber bands to drive his car. Rubber bands, rubber bands, ripping down the street. Regular racing drivers think his car is really neat.

Sara has super socks; She keeps them in a secret box. Super socks need special care, But super socks are great to wear.

Tiana's Teeth are terribly tall. Her teeth are the tallest teeth of all. Tiana's toothbrush must hold tight or fall, Brushing the top of teeth so tall.

Usher's Umbrella goes upsy-daisy; It tells us all not to be lazy. Under and over, around and through, Fly with the umbrella and Usher.

Her Name Is Velma, and she's very vain. Her vests are never dull or plain. She wears velvet vest of varied blends To visit with her very best friends.

Wally with your wonderful wink, We are wondering what you think. We wish you could tell us when and why You will wink your winking eye.

Where does Xavier belong? His parts are altogether wrong. Is he singer, clown, or dancer? He doesn't seem to know the answer.

Yawning Yogi is his name, And he plays a yawning game. When he yawns, you'll find it true that you, yourself, are yawning, too.

Zoe uses zipping zippers To zip her coats and gloves and slippers. Zoe won't have laces for her shoes; A zipping zipper is all she will use.

[sumeru-academy]

Say mommy.

synopsis: you and lisa compete to see who can get your baby to say their first word.

character(s): lisa minci.

warning(s): completely sfw including the title. teasing, already established relationship, mentions of adoption, klee.

note(s): female reader, second person pov, you guys are married by the way.

p.s: did you know palm trees are actually a type of grass rather than a type of tree?

⎯⎯mod angel 🎐

“Come on Malik!! Say mommy…mommy…”

Lisa cooed effortlessly at the young child sitting in front of her as he stared quizzically at his mother for making such weird noises with her mouth. Opting to just smile and gently smack at her face with his palms and making the poor librarian groan as he started kneading her cheeks like dough. Not having a clue in the slightest about what his mother wanted him to do. 

“Pfft, he slapped you,” you pointed as a matter-of-factly, mug of coffee in hand as you took a quick sip and went to go join your wife on the rug. “Has he said anything yet?”

“Hah…no…” Lisa grumbled as her son just flopped on his back without a care in the world and started sucking on one of his teething toys, “He seems more interested in sucking rather than speaking. As you can see…”

She gestured to Malik practically demolishing the duck-shaped toy with his canines, giggling all the while the duck was in pain. “I give that rubber ducky two days max with him…” Lisa chuckled, rubbing her child’s stomach with affection. “Any longer and we’d have to plan a ducky’s funeral…”

You giggled at your wife’s words and tried to ignore the image of your ever growing pile of demolished toys that needed to be thrown out. Thanks to your son’s super ability to shred anything with just his gums alone, you had to go back to the store this weekend for more.

Pushing the thought aside for now, you let yourself indulge in the quiet afternoon with your wife and baby, cooing affectionately towards Malik and playing small games with him and whatever toys he had left that haven’t been chewed. It was nice, having a domestic time like this with your family and having absolutely no interruptions or anything to possibly disrupt this time of bliss. 

It was really, really nice…

Until your wife jinxed it. 

“Malik, Malik, mommy, come on dear I know you can say it! Say mommy!”

“Really Lisa?”

You gave her an unamused look and your lover only sideways-grinned at you in response. “I thought you said the bet was off.”

“Well, now it’s back on again,” she flashed you a coy smile as she tickled under her son’s chin, making him giggle. “Mommy, come on Malik…! You can say it dear!”

“Oh heck no…” you quirked up a smirk of your own and tapped Malik’s cheek to redirect his attention towards you, “Malik! Malik sweetie, say mama…mama…”

Your son turned towards you and smiled when you smiled. Seeming to enjoy the attention he received from both mothers and squealing when the two of you tapped and tickled at his face. 

“Look at that smile!”

“Almost absolutely no teeth and yet he still looks just as handsome!”

Malik seemed to love all the attention and compliments you fired off the bat and gripped at both your fingers with his chubby hands. Smiling and laughing just like a baby should, but not saying a word despite the latter being what you two wanted the most 

“Ah…pooh, nothing?” Lisa pouted, “All that fuss and not even a fragment of a word…”

“Oh, don’t be like that Lisa,” you cooed, kissing the side of her forehead lovingly, “It’s okay to lose sometimes…”

“Puh— Lose?!” She stared at you in disbelief and threw one of Malik’s slobbered on baby toys at you, “He didn’t say either, which means we both lost, cutie.” 

She laughed as you tried to squirm away from the slobbery baby toy and winced, trying to wipe away any substance of drool off your shirt and smearing it back on your wife. 

“Hey!”

“Marriage has made you evil,” you snickered, “Well, eviler. Considering all you did to me back when we were dating— HEY—!”

“You minx!” She laughed as she threw a stuffed giraffe at your face, your son going absolutely ballistic as you continued to throw toys and stuffed animals at each other like school children. 

“Witch!”

“Minx!”

The two of you burst out into fits of laughter as each of you tried to pin the other to the ground and throw toys at one another to get back at them. Malik having the time of his life watching his moms duke it out, and clapping along to their squeals of laughter while waiting for a victor to emerge.

Unfortunately for little Malik, there was no victor in the end as the doorbell rang, signaling that someone was at the door. 

“Hah! I won— MMPF?!”

“Hush now cutie, someone’s at the door,” Lisa smirked as she pressed a finger against your lips to shut you up. “Now be a good girl and get off so that I can see.”

She patted at your thighs and you knew at that moment that you really didn’t win against your wife. I mean, sure you were on top of her now but were you really?

“I…ugh, yes ma’am…” you turned away from her in an attempt to hide your hot face and got off of her as soon as you could. Your wife smiling at your obedience and lightly tapping your cheek with her palm as a reward. “Good girl. Watch Malik for me while I see who’s at the door, hm? Maybe clean up his toys while you’re at it.”

She blew you a kiss and you swear you could blow out steam from your ears.

“Evil woman…” you scoffed, scooping up Malik into your arms and staring deep into his eyes. “You won’t be as evil as mommy will you? Archons I hope not…”

Malik just gave you a cheeky grin and blew a slobbery raspberry at you. Your face scrunching up as you held him away from your face to keep clean. “Never mind…it seems that you’re Lisa’s boy alright.” You made a fake gagging noise with your throat and Malik giggled in accomplishment.

“Auntie Y/N! Auntie Y/N!” The high pitched squeals of little Klee filled the room as a small weight collided into you from behind. Sure enough, the little elf girl was situated behind you and was now hugging the back of your legs as we speak. 

“WOAH—! Klee?!” You nearly jumped before realizing that you were still holding Malik. Forcing your body to ground itself as you caught your footing and looked behind you. “Klee? Is that you?”

“Yes yes yes it’s me!” Her cheery voice exclaimed, “Do you have Malik? Can I see him? Oh please oh please can I?”

“Forgive us for coming in on such short notice…”

Your head turned to see none other than acting grandmaster Jean waltzing into your living room as your wife Lisa followed close behind. A sheepish smile playing on the dandelion knight’s lips as she rubbed the back of her neck in hesitation. “You see, Klee just wanted to see Malik again so she could introduce him to Dodoco. She kept begging and begging…the only solution really was to go today…”

Jean laughed sheepishly. “I hope you don’t mind?” 

You smiled and shook your head. “Of course not! Malik has been in a very playful mood actually, so this would be perfect for him!”

“Auntie Y/N! You have him in his arms! Can I hold him? Please please pleaseeee?”

Now noticing the small baby in your arms, Klee raised her arms up to indicate that she wanted to hold him. Puppy-dog eyes showing that she was practically begging for you to say yes. 

And I mean, how could you not?

“Let’s sit down first,” you smiled softly, sitting down on the carpet while Klee followed pursuit, “Now hold your hands out like this…” you began fixing the position of her arms with one hand before gently setting little Malik onto her lap. 

You’ve never heard Klee gasp so hard.

“Master Jean! Master Jean! I’m holding him! I’m holding Malik!”

“Please be careful Klee…” Jean had the look of a worried mother, “Are you sure this is alright with you?”

“Of course it is,” Lisa chuckled, setting a hand upon her best friend’s shoulder, “You act like my child is made of glass, Jean. I’m offended.” 

Your wife playfully jabbed her and then motioned for you and Jean to sit on the couch. Most likely to talk and catch up all the while making sure Klee didn’t accidentally drop Malik on the floor.

“Make sure to support his head,” you called out to Klee, her only response being a thumbs up before calling “I will!” And grabbing a few toys to play with him. 

‘Ah…what a sweet older sister figure…’

“So, how has life with the baby been,” Jean started as a conversation starter, “Has he said his first word yet?”

“Sadly, no…” Lisa sighed, her hand going over to hold yours. “Ever since we adopted him from Sumeru he hasn’t even said anything close to a vowel. I’m beginning to get worried…”

“I’m sure it’s nothing to get nervous about,” Jean smiled reassuringly, “He’ll speak when he’s ready. After all, he is still a baby.”

You heard the laughter and giggles of little Malik on the carpet as Klee waved a Dodoco in front of his face. Luckily not an explosive one, as this one was all plush and no powder.

“Sigh, I suppose you are right…” Lisa hummed whilst stroking your hand. “We’ve just been so antsy lately in wondering what his first word is going to be. In fact…Y/N and I even set up a bet to see if he would say ‘mama’ or ‘mommy’ first. And so far? Nothing yet…”

“Yeah, but he’s totally going to say ‘mama’ first. It’s way easier than what you picked,” you grinned cheekily, your wife’s lips quirking slightly before dropping, “Puh! In your dreams!”

Jean smiled at your old couple-y banter and chuckled when the two of you started lightly hitting each other. Batting at each other like cats in a bath before Lisa started pinching the bridge of your nose in retaliation. 

“Ow!”

“Oh please, you should’ve seen that coming, given that I know all your weak spots.” 

“Despicable.”

You blew a raspberry at her —now Lisa knows where Malik learned to do that— and winced when she glared at you for clearly pushing your boundaries with her. 

“…Sorry.” You mumbled, your wife instantly brightening up and kissing your cheek. “It’s alright.”

“Ahem.”

You both turned to see Jean smiling nervously on the couch. “As much as I love witnessing your back and forth banter, I do feel as if I’m being a third wheel, yes?” Jean laughed. “You two sure never lost the spark though, the same old teasing shenanigans from many years ago never died…”

“Hmpf, at any age, Lisa will always be evil,” you stated without missing a beat. 

“Well, at any age, Y/N will always fall prey to my advances,” Lisa countered right after.

“Ugh. See?” You gestured to your wife, who only giggled like the evil woman that she was.

“Hehe, of course I see, after all, I’ve been friends with Lisa ever since—”

“Auntie Y/N! Auntie Lisa!”

Poor Jean never got to have a word in before your conversation got cut short by Klee. You shooting her a look of pity before turning to see Klee waddling over with baby Malik in her arms.

“Ah! Careful Klee! You shouldn’t walk with Malik on your own!” Jean shot out of her seat before you or Lisa could reach her, and helped support the baby’s weight even though he wasn’t in any real danger of falling 

“But but but Master Jean!” Klee stammered out quickly, “Malik said his first word!”

“HE SAID WHAT?” Both you and Lisa shouted at the same time, leaping off the couch and instantly getting up close and personal with Malik.

“Oh my goodness! Malik, you said your first word?” Lisa cooed excitedly, playfully pinching the little one’s cheeks, “Ohh mommy’s so proud!”

“Not as proud as me!” You fired back laughing, making Malik laugh twice as much as you smiled brighter than any summer sky, “You said mama didn’t you? Awww good boy, I knew you loved me more!”

“Please, there’s no way he said mama as his first word! Malik baby what did you say? Say it again for mommy! Come on Malik! Come on!” 

All four of you sat down on the carpet with Malik still sitting in Klee’s lap. Jean being equally excited as you two as she clapped excitedly for the reveal. “Oh this is so exciting! I’m so excited for you two!”

“Go ahead Malik! Say what you said to me earlier!” Klee cheered, holding up the young infant with her arms.

“Mmh—!” The three of you gasped when Malik opened his mouth wide. “Aaahh…”

“Oh archons he’s really going to say it!”

“What’s it gonna be Malik? Mama or mommy?”

“Aaahhhh…BOMBS!”

You, Jean and Lisa all blinked in unison. Huh…?

“Bombs!” Your son cheered out again, laughing when Klee nuzzled into him from behind. “Bombs! Bombs! Bombs!”

Though muffled through his lack of teeth, the word itself was still made evidently clear. Your son’s first word was bombs, a weapon of mass destruction.

“Ohh Barbatos…” Jean mumbled apologetically, watching as Klee giggled with delight and hugged her baby cousin closer than ever.

“I’m so proud of you Malik! I was just explaining to him that Dodoco was similar to the Jumpty Dumpties that I had…and said that they were bombs! Then, his eyes got SUPER wide, and then his mouth opened and he yelled “BOMBS!” Super loud! It was so cute!”

Klee’s explanation —although adorable— was a bit frightening to say the least as it had finally comprehended in your brain that Klee had taught your child how to say “bombs.” Not mama, mommy, or anything relatively innocent, nope. Just…bombs.

“…Well,” Lisa was the first one to snap out of her stupor, “What an interesting first word that is…” she giggled. 

“I suppose we both lost the bet then, huh?” You smirked at her, watching as she slowly matched it to mirror yours, “Unfortunately.”

“Oh Klee…” Jean groaned like the tired mother that she was. “I’m so sorry you two, I didn’t think Klee would teach Malik such a…peculiar first word. Apologies…”

“Oh no! It’s totally alright Jean!” Your wife grinned, “Now my wife and I could stop bickering about this topic, and bicker about another!”

“Really?!”

Lisa just shrugged and smiled at you before getting down to play with Malik. “Yes, really. But let’s push that aside for now and celebrate our son’s first word!”

Tickling the tip of his nose, Lisa beamed and gently scooped him up out of Klee’s arms. “Let’s all go out for dinner tonight! On me! Jean, Klee, would you two like to join us?”

“Well, I suppose it’s fi—”

“Yes yes yes thank you Lisa! Thank you!”

Klee squealed while clutching Dodoco and spun in circles around your living room. Clearly excited about these newfound plans. 

“Dinner, huh?” You grinned, “And you’re paying?”

“Just this once because I love you,” she teased, “And because we have guests tonight.”

“Hmpf, how thoughtful,” you snickered, reaching to grab your bag as Jean and Klee were already halfway out the door. “Say…what do you say we bet on something else now that this one is off the table.”

“What do you suggest?” Lisa purred smoothly as she fixed Malik’s growing tufts of hair. 

“Hm, whoever he walks to first gets to be pampered by the loser?”

“Oho..! You are so on.” Lisa smirked, kissing you on the forehead before leaving to follow you out the door.

“And I intend on winning it.”

[missymurphy1985]

The Unrequited (Cillian Murphy X fem!reader - One Shot)

Warning - smut

Requested? Yep ☺️

Taglist @queenshelby @margoo0 @being-worthy @peakyscillian @peakyciills @janelongxox @elenavampire21 @ysmmsy @cloudofdisney @lauren-raines-x @misscarolineshelby @screemqueen @cilleveryone @peaky-cillian @misselsbells06 @datewithgianni @heidimoreton @jardinsecos @bitchwhytho

"It's no problem Cillian, honestly! I'm happy to have him!" Your phone to your ear while you quickly tidied up the house.

You'd known Cillian since university - both of you studying law, but of course only one of you actually completing the course. Your friendship had lasted though. You were the only person he trusted with his husky, Scout, when he was away filming. He made the mistake of leaving him with his brother once because you were on holiday at the same time he was due to be away - but he had young children and the dog was a little on the boisterous side. Not in a bad way, just a 'hyperactive, play with me every five seconds' kinda way that suited you perfectly. You adored that fluffy nutcase. Taking him for long walks in the Irish countryside, before snuggling with him on the sofa in the evening with a glass of wine.

Yes, you would take care of him for three months while Cillian was away filming series one of Peaky Blinders.

You called your dad, who ran the law firm you worked for, and explained that Scout would be joining you for three months - you didn't have any court appearances due, so he was happy for you to work from home.

A few days after that initial phone call, Cillian was at your door with Scout and a bag of his food, treats, and toys. You already had a bed for him and blankets from the last time he stayed with you.

"I'm so sorry for the short notice y/n, you know what the BBC are like!"

"It's fine honestly! You know my Dad - he loves it when we work from home. Doesn't have to pay as much electric in the office!" You laughed. He laughed with you, and you felt your heart beat a little faster. Putting your game face on, he had no idea how you truly felt about him, and he would never know either.

"You have everything you need? Passport, plane tickets, hotel booking confirmation?"

"Yes, mother, I have it all."

"Just making sure!"

"What would I do without you eh?" He pulled you in for a hug, kissing your cheek. You loved it when he did that, but also wished he didn't...

"Go, your flight won't wait for you!"

He ruffled Scout's fur and gave him a hug, before heading off to the airport. You unpacked the food, toys and treats, finding a bottle of expensive red wine at the bottom of the bag.

"He never forgets," you smiled.

************************************************************

Your days had been filled with alternating an hour of work with an hour of playing with Scout, then taking him for a long walk by the Liffey. The kids on your regular walk all fussing over him each day you walked past them. He was such a good boy - perfect around children and even other dogs. He was an absolute dream to be around. Just like his owner...

Shaking off the rain from your coat as you stepped back into your house, you couldn't quite believe how quickly the time had gone by. Cillian would be home tomorrow morning, and arranged to pick Scout up on his way back from the airport. He'd called daily, not to check on Scout, he said he knew his boy was in capable hands, but to see you both and have some semblance of normality while he was there. Seeing him in his smart suit, his hair shaved at the sides, you couldn't deny he looked incredible.

You settled on the sofa, Scout at your side chewing on a rubber bone you'd bought him earlier that day.

Your phone rang, your best friend Hayley. She had known you longer than Cillian, your best friend since primary school, and was the only one you'd ever confessed your true feelings to.

After ten minutes of general chit chat...

"No, Hayls, I haven't told him."

"Why?!"

"Oh come on, I'm not blind! Have you seen the girls he dates? Leggy, skinny... Look at his ex! Some model from London! He's clearly got a type, and I'm not it."

"Girl he adores you, it's so obvious."

"As a friend, yes, but nothing more. I'm the dependable one, the one he can rely on to look after his dog."

"Yes, you're dependable, but not just as a dog-sitter. He can trust you. He tells you everything, and he knows you'll never judge him for it."

"I love how your imagination works love. I've gotta go, movie's starting and Scout is glaring at me for ignoring him." She laughed and left you to your cosy night in with Cillian's dog.

As the opening sequence rolled, Scout lay in your lap, your hand stroking over his soft fur.

"Your human is pretty special, isn't he Scout?"

He looked up and you and tilted his head.

"Why can't I just tell him, huh? Just tell him how I feel? How my heart leaps when I see his name flash on my phone? How I get butterflies when I see him? How I know that a woman like me will never compete with the girls he likes?"

He tilted his head again.

"Oh come on, you daft fluffball, you know what I'm talking about! I've got more curves than a country road. I don't even wear mascara unless I'm in court. I live in sweatpants and PJs. I prefer a night in to a night out. Reading a book, not hitting the town. He'd never look at me as more than that frumpy, dependable, boring y/n." You felt tears prick the backs of your eyes, and Scout, bless him, nuzzled into you.

"At least you love me, don't you boy?"

"Is that what you think?"

You turned sharply, panic replacing the sadness, as you looked in your living room doorway and saw Cillian stood there, bottle of wine in one hand and a bunch of flowers in the other. A small smile on his face.

"Shit, Cillian... I didn't..."

"Got back early. Wanted to surprise you. And yet, I'm the one who's surprised."

You felt so embarrassed, such a fool...

"I... I'm sorry, I didn't... How did you get in?"

"Door wasn't locked."

"Oh.. um.."

"Listen," he placed the wine and flowers down on the dining table in the next room. Scout ran to him and he fussed over him for a few moments, giving you time to relax your heart before it exploded in your chest. He pulled out a bone he must've picked up on the way and sent him off with it in your kitchen to keep him occupied. He looked up at you, and you immediately looked to the floor, your head falling into your hands.

"I'm sorry, I must've had too many glasses of wine and - "

He was beside you in seconds, pulling your hands away and facing you towards him on the sofa.

"You wanna know the reason I went for those girls?"

"Why?"

"Because I didn't think I stood a chance with you."

"Oh come on, you're just telling me that to make me feel better."

"No, I'm not. Why do you think you're the only person I let look after Scout? Who was the first person I called when I got the part on Peaky? When my grandma died? When my nephew was in hospital after a bad asthma attack? When I locked myself out of my apartment, again?"

"Because I'm dependable."

"Because you're you. I need you when I'm happy, sad, lost, confused, lonely, scared.. I need you for it all."

"Just because you need me doesn't mean -"

"I love you."

"What?"

"I love you. Fuck it feels good saying it out loud," he chuckled, looking to the ceiling, you could feel the relief radiating from him. That heartbeat of yours? Racing. Those tears? Fading.

You took his face gently in your hands and brought his eyes down to meet yours again. His fingers traced over your lips softly.

"I love you, too." You'd barely got the last word out before his lips silenced you. Your bodies quickly moving closer, needing the contact as much as the other - your hands in what was left of his hair, running through the strands as his body moved over yours. You found yourself lying on the sofa, the man you'd longed for for years lying on top of you, your legs wrapped around his hips.

"We should stop -" he gasped, coming up for air.

"Yeah, probably..." You replied. Eyes meeting again, a silent 'fuck it' exchanged between you and your lips met again.

"What I meant was - probably shouldn't be here with Scout metres away waiting to pounce thinking I'm hurting you," he laughed, standing up and pulling you onto your feet.

"Depends, are you going to hurt me?" You asked, slight worry on your face.

"Only if you ask nicely," he smirked, leading you into your bedroom and closing the door behind him.

You felt so nervous and self conscious, your legs were like jelly. You'd dreamed of this very moment for so long, and now it was here you didn't think you could go through with it. He sensed your reluctance.

"Hey, we don't have to do this?"

"I do, I really do, but... God you're going to think I'm so stupid..."

"What's wrong?"

"I haven't... I mean..."

"You're a virgin?"

"No! Christ Cillian I'm 31!"

"Okay, so what is it?"

"I'm not exactly prepared, you know?" You glanced down at your body, and he rolled his eyes chuckling.

"So? You think I'm bothered about hair? Have you seen my body y/n? Look, I don't care about any of that. What I care about is making you feel good."

You bit your lip as he slowly pulled your t-shirt over your head, his eyes taking in every inch, every curve. Smiling when he saw you weren't wearing a bra - your full breasts on display for him, nipples hardening that had nothing to do with the cool breeze in the room.

"I don't think your body cares about it, do you?" He winked, taking one of your breasts in his hand, softly squeezing the flesh and running a thumb over your nipple before his lips kissed all of your worries and fears away. The goosebumps on your skin told him he was doing exactly what you wanted him to do - the way your breathing hitched as his hand stroked under your breasts led him to one of your erogenous zones with ease, and he focused his attention there. His lips moved to your neck, finding another hot spot as he felt your legs buckle slightly. One hand moving under your breasts, his teeth nibbling the side of your neck, you could have cum from this alone, but you wanted more. Now.

The fingers of his free hand played with the waistband of your jogging bottoms, slowly creeping underneath it and over your mound. His fingers lightly ghosting over the soft, short curls. You couldn't hold back the gentle moan as his fingers dipped, stroking over your folds.

"You prefer this," he dipped down to gently push a finger inside, "or this..." He pulled it back our out and glanced it over your clit. The way your body flinched made him grin, and he pushed you against the wall. His fingers bringing up your slick juices and circling the small, swollen bud. You lifted your leg up, resting your foot on your bedside table as he slowly worked you up into a shaky, writhing mess against the wall. His body moved between your open legs, leaving just enough room for his right hand to do what you needed.

"Feel good?" He asked in your ear, his breath on your skin adding to the sensations running through you.

"So good.. don't stop..."

"Why not?" He smirked, easing his finger off you.

"Please, Cill..."

"Hmm, quite like hearing you beg," he bit his lip and continued stroking, your juices flowing down your thighs. Your hips began to grind against his hand, you were so close.

"Gonna cum for me baby?" You nodded, unable to form words. His fingers were circling quicker, the white hot pressure building inside you. His lips on your neck, his free hand under your breast, kneading and stroking in time with his magical right hand between your legs. Your hand moved to his hard length under his jeans, kneading against the material, feeling it throb under your touch.

"That's it, that's it, don't... Oh god..." You orgasm hit you so hard he had to hold you up. Your legs couldn't hold you any more. His strokes slowed down slightly as he teased you through the most powerful climax you'd ever had.

"Tastes so sweet," he grinned, pulling his slick fingers from you and tasting them against his lips. Your bottoms swiftly removed, he placed soft kisses up your legs on his way back up. Prickly hairs on your legs not fazing him in the slightest, his lips moving closer to your groin making your whole body shake. Your hands moved to his jeans, unbuttoning them and letting them fall to the floor. He pulled his own t-shirt over his head and you admired the toned, newly hair free chest in front of you. Faint outlines of Tommy's tattoos on his chest and arm.

"One of us shaved, at least," he shrugged, earning him a shoulder smack from you. You giggled together as he pulled you off the wall, sitting on your bed.

You knelt between his legs, his hard cock now eye level. Licking your lips and looking up at him, any hint of self consciousness gone. His hand moved into your hair, a look of pure desire written all over his face.

"You like this," you smirked, your hand stroking over his shaft from the base to the tip, your thumb gliding over the leaking slit at the top. "Or this?"

The deep groan that left him when you sank your mouth over the head of his cock gave you your answer. Your head slowly bobbed up and down, taking him deeper into your throat with each stroke. He tried to refrain from thrusting up into your waiting mouth for fear of choking you, but the way you loosened your throat muscles was almost too tempting. His hand on the back of your head, holding you steady as he pumped his hips up, desperate to feel your lips against the base of his cock.

You allowed him to fuck your mouth, holding your hand over his on the back of your head, feeling his cock hit the back of your throat. A few slight gags, but your core clenched the deeper he went. Hearing his moans, the gentle pants, hearing just how much you were turning him on.

"I'm not finishing in your mouth this time, get up here," he groaned, lifting your mouth off him. You climbed onto his lap as he lined himself up against your entrance. You hovered over him, allowing just the tip to enter as you slowly bounced.

"Don't tease me," he gasped, needing to feel you. All of you.

You sunk down hard.

"Fuck..." You cried in unison, the feeling of finally being connected after all these years of dreaming about it almost too much. Once you'd adjusted to him, you began to move. Slowly at first, finding a rhythm to suit you both. He leaned back on one hand for levity so he could thrust up in time with your movements, his other back underneath your breast.

A rhythm was found almost immediately, his cock hitting your sweet spot easily - your grinds against his perfectly timed upward thrusts.

"So good, so fucking good, riding me..."

"Shit, Cillian, oh god..." He wanted to flip you over and fuck you into the mattress, but you held him in place. You wanted to be the one in control and he was more than happy to let you.

"That's it, use me, take what you need," his hands moved to your waist, helping you bounce on him harder, his cock hitting so deep you swore you could feel him in your stomach.

"You look so hot riding me, fuck, you're perfect... Need to feel you cum again, can you do that?" He was almost panting his words out, his breathing coming in short little gasps as he felt his balls tightening, his own orgasm forming quickly in his abdomen. His thumb found your clit, the slick juices pooling around it from your orgasm earlier and his own precum leaking from him.

"Cillian.... Cill.. I'm gonna... Holy fuck..." Your head flung backwards as you came again, your whole body trembling from the power of it.

"I've got you, fuck... Fuck, fuck, fuck, you're making me cum, gonna cum, gonna cum..." He stumbled over his words, his eyes rolled back into his head. Your walls clenching and gripping him was too much, as he filled you with ropes of his warm cum, lining your walls. His abdomen clenching, his eyes on yours as you came together.

He fell back onto the bedsheets breathless, you collapsed on his chest. His cock still inside you, pulsing with the last of his seed emptying into you as you milked him, squeezing your walls.

"So good, so good..." You gasped, coming down from your high. His hands in your hair, stroking your head.

"You realise you're mine now, yeah?" He grinned, gentle groans as he finished releasing into you.

"Always have been, Cill."

[twsthoodstar]

Twst x Pokémon Pt. 3

This is a part 3 of the last Pokémon post I did, this time with the vice dorm leaders. Sorry this is so late, I’ve been feeling under the weather recently 😓 But I’m starting to feel better now.

Request/idea received from this Anon

Babysitting their crush’s Pokémon while they’re away. However, that task has proven more difficult than expected.

Trey Clover ♣️

Trey was both delighted and nervous when you asked him to babysit Slurpuff. He had only hoped it wouldn’t be as troublesome as certain glutinous monster cat, although he had to admit he was curious. Slurpuff looked so soft and squishy! It couldn’t be that much of a handful could it?

Well needless to say, Slurpuff was actually very helpful in the kitchen. It’s unique sense of smell helped pick the best ingredients and it was more than happy to aid in assembling the treats for the Unbirthday Party, nudging Trey to taste the batter. It reminded Trey of his little siblings back home, how they’d always try and sneak a piece.

However, it all went downhill once the part started. One by one everyone’s cakes and cookies disappeared without a trace. Unaware of the pink Pokémon sneakily using Physic to float the wonderful pastries into its mouth. But it’s cover was blown when it tried to steal Riddle’s tart, and Trey had to step in before the poor little thing lost its head.

Ruggie Bucchi 🐾

Better hope Ruggie doesn’t eat your precious little bundle of wool, might be hard to hold himself back. Shi shi shi, he’s only kidding! He wouldn’t do that to you! Unfortunately, Wooloo seemed to take that very personally and rolled away! It hadn’t even been 5 minutes and Ruggie was already chasing it down!

Poor Wooloo; perhaps leaving it in a dorm full of hungry carnivores wasn’t the greatest idea. Because it zoomed all over the place, trying to flee from any large beastmen. Though I’m sure it looked hilarious seeing the vice dorm leader chasing after a living pillow. Ruggie eventually needed Jack’s help in catching the little guy, and it surprisingly took a liking to the first year!

Wooloo was all over Jack, hiding behind his legs and nuzzling into his bushy tail. Peering at Ruggie with big nervous eyes. He hadn’t planned for this, Ruggie wanted to show you just how responsible he was all on his own, that included caring for your pet. But it couldn’t be helped. Jack hadn’t planned to babysit, but it seemed he had no other choice.

Jade Leech 🐬

(I love Psyduck so much 🥰)

Now Psyduck here is a bit of a special case, so you were a bit hesitant to leave it with Jade. Now there was nothing to worry about, Jade makes sure your Psyduck is well taken care of, he’ll pamper it to perfection. He has claimed he enjoys serving others. Although it appears Psyduck is a rather sensitive creature. But that just makes things more interesting, plus it’s adorable to boot.

Constantly rubbing it’s head, it takes in its surroundings rather slowly. It barely realized you left the room and was just recently waddling around looking for you, poor dear. 😅 Well this shouldn’t be a problem; playtime with rubber duckies, drawing a bath, Jade makes sure Psyduck is in top shape until you get back! However, there was one mishap Jade wasn’t preparing for.

It takes special skill to escape Jade’s well trained eye, and Psyduck just happened to find that perfect moment. Before it knocked into Jade’s terrarium, spilling out all kinds of plants and muck onto the floor with a big bump on its head. It was an accident, but Psyduck couldn’t shake that sudden glare in the eel’s eye. Not even when Jade rubbed its bruised head affectionately.

Floyd Leech 🦈

Oh boy, Gible was not happy about you leaving. Especially leaving its care to a stranger like Floyd. It stomped around and grumbled like a fussy toddler, aggressive to anyone that came near it. While everyone was afraid of getting their hand chewed off, Floyd remained as careless and as brave as ever. So Shrimpy left this little sharkie to be his playmate? How fun!

Gible did not want to play with Floyd, it tried making that as clear as possible. Playing basketball? Deflated. Some squeaky toys? Shredded to pieces. Dancing? It chomped the radio to bits. A yummy platter? Scarfed it down, plate and all. Floyd was clearly losing his patience and started to shift into one of his outrageously random mood swings.

Talk about bad timing when you have an angry Gible pouting across the room. Floyd, now upset the Pokémon wasn’t accepting his friendship, made the mistake of trying to squeeze it. Gible bit him 😬. Chomped right down on his hand, but suprisingly Floyd was fine. It did take Azul and Jade awhile to pry it off, then to keep Floyd from biting back! Hopefully, you’ll return soon before the Lounge ends up in shambles.

Jamil Viper 🐍

Honestly Jamil thinks your Salandit is super cool. Sly and cunning with a streak of mystery, it reminds him of himself. (You smug snake 😑) It was almost the perfect pet for himself, a powerful on way that. Now I’m sure Jamil has some experience with animals, he is Kalim’s right hand man and a servant of the Asim family, the kid knows a thing or two about parades.

So it’s a cake walk babysitting Salandit, at least for the most part. Pokémon are unpredictable creatures and unknown to Twisted Wonderland, so Jamil’s in for a big surprise when Salandit starts dripping actual v e n o m. The red liquid oozes out of its mouth as it starts to burn small holes in the carpet. Of course panics because, that carpet is expensive! And why did you have such a creature in your possession!

He was not prepared for this. Apparently it was having a scuffle with Kalim’s magic carpet, the piece of matting simply wanted to play with Scarabia’s new guest, but the poisonous fire-type took it as a threat instead. Chasing each other around like wild dogs. Reacting quickly, Jamil put it outside using Snake Whisper before things escalated, but decided to give you a call.

Rook Hunt 🏹

You thought Jade was pampering, Rook is over the moon for this fairy type! What a wonderful creature, absolutely beautiful! Rook is completely captivated by the fairy-like creature, the pure pink essence of love in its true form!~ ✨ As he puts it anyways. 😅 Rook will smother Sylveon with attention!

He’ll groom it to perfection and flaunt it to the entire dorm, this of course draws some attention. No one has ever seen a creature quite like Sylveon, with its sweet voice and flowing ribbons. And you left Rook himself in charge to take care of it isn’t that wonderful! ~ ✨ This basically turned into one big photo shoot, with Rook at the center gushing over his new friend.

He even takes Sylveon out on a hunt stroll with him. Man cries when it wraps it’s ribbons around it’s wrist. Let’s just hope no rowdy students make fun of their little adventure, they’ll have a merciless arrow drawn back ready to face them. Rook won’t tolerate gossiping, no one is allowed to tarnish the beauty you and your partner share together.

Ortho Shroud 🤖

Ortho was more than happy to take care of Pikachu for you! He was the one that actually accepted in the first place. It was just so cute and round and soft and friendly, a perfect companion for our little Ortho! Plus, he was really excited to analyze it for his database. Although, in reality he took this opportunity to get Idia out of his shell and help him.

Humans and animals were already a well known subject Ortho knew plenty about, even a few beasts were a well known species. So a loveable Pokémon shouldn’t serve a problem. While Idia wasn’t all that excited about watching a living, breathing, messy pet (virtual pets were much easier) Ortho was not having it and saw this as a good experience.

Playtime was his favorite, Pikachu was just so fast and full of energy. Zipping back and forth with a Quick Attack to chase the bouncy ball, or using its tail to play catch. It was such a cheerful little sunshine, it even shocked Ortho a bit with its cheeks. Emitting little sparks of electricity, which felt really nice. They’re both just so cute together, Idia snuck a few pictures of them napping together.

Lilia Vanrouge 🍷

Another child for Lilia to adopt!! Oh how precious! Immediately Lilia’s fawning over your cute Noibat, however, you tell Lilia to be careful as this Pokémon is quite young. Of course Lilia heads your warning and bids you a graceful farewell, before rushing off with the cutie in his arms to flaunt to his whole dorm.

Almost immediately Lilia’s going to test his cooking skills; a growing boy like that needs to eat right? Well don’t worry, chef Lilia will whip up something nice, which of course has Noibat cheering for a hot meal. The trio of terrified fae and their drowsy human: they couldn’t have Lilia kill off something so precious, you’d be heartbroken!

However, perhaps they were a bit too slow in stopping Lilia, because thanks to his magic he had already whipped up a horrendous looking hole of soup. But what had everyone’s jaws dropping was that Noibat enjoyed it! It even cooed for seconds, nudging Lilia with the bowl. Of course Lilia was over the moon, he’ll have to ask to babysit more often.

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

Once In A Lifetime

Summary: While at a brewery the day before her sister’s wedding, the reader runs into her once in a lifetime fling, Dean, for the third time. It’s been fours years since they’ve seen each other and eight since they met but the timing’s never seemed to work out between them until maybe now...

Pairing: Wedding Date!Dean x reader

Square: Wedding Date!AU

Word Count: 2,100ish

Warnings: language, fluff

A/N: Written for @supernatural-jackles​​ Tell Me A Story Bingo. Enjoy!

______

“Y/N fucking Y/L/N,” you heard as you were mid chew of eating your piece of pizza. You spun around and swallowed, a big grin crossing your face. 

“Dean!” you said. You ditched your table with your family and ran over to him, Dean giving you a big hug and swinging you around. “You look great!”

“You got even better looking, sweetheart,” he grinned as he set you down. You bit your bottom lip and he blushed a bit. “You look good, Y/N. Never expected to see you again, especially Kansas City of all places.”

“I’m in town for a family wedding. I thought you lived in LA?” you said.

“Used to. I own this place,” he said. “How long’s it been?”

“Four years. Another four before that,” you said. 

“So much for once in a lifetime,” he smirked. 

“Still a boy in there, aren’t you, Dean.”

“A bit,” he smiled. “Older too.”

“Same. We were just kids back then.”

“We’re still kids. We just got most of our shit together now,” he said. 

“Oh yes. Still single and still working a job I hate. I so got my shit together,” you said.

“I wear makeup for a living so you’re doing better than me,” he said. “Also still single.”

“I thought you dated some actress or something a while back.”

“Didn’t work out. Put my head down, been working a lot lately,” he said. “Am I about to meet your fangirl sister you told me about?”

“Oh God,” you said as you caught Georgia wandering over from your table with Scott. “I am so-”

“Hi!” she said and you groaned. “Do you know my little sister?”

“Y/N and I go way back,” said Dean. Georgia slapped your arm and you whined. 

“You’re friends with him and you didn’t tell me!” she said.

“Oh well we haven’t seen each other in years,” said Dean. Georgia looked at you and you shook your head, her own nodding.

“He’s Italy Dean, isn’t he. Dean Winchester is freaking Italy Dean!” she said and Scott covered her mouth, shaking his head.

“Gia, let’s leave your sister to catch up with her friend in peace, hm?” he said.

“This is why I love you Scott,” you said as he dragged her away.

“I like her,” chuckled Dean. “How long you in town for?”

“A few days. Rehearsal dinner is tonight, wedding tomorrow, head home the next day.”

“Not much free time then,” he said.

“Yeah I-” you said before Georgia screamed. You turned around, your sister stomping around and shouting into a phone. 

“It’s tomorrow! They wait until the last minute to call and cancel the venue!” she said. Scott seemed miffed which was probably as angry as he ever got and your mom was already over trying to calm them both down.

“You can use the brewery,” said Dean quietly. He shrugged as you stared up at him. “We’ve been toying with reserving for private parties over on the far side of the property. Strand lights, farmhouse style wedding, yada yada.”

“Can it look like this?” you asked as you pulled out your phone. You showed him a picture of the venue and the style Georgia had wanted to go for. “I can call all the vendors. All we need here is tables, clean up, you get the drill.”

“What time is the wedding?” he asked.

“1. Reception starts at 4, was supposed to go to about midnight or so.”

“You’re the maid of honor I presume.”

“Can we make this work? I know she sounds insane but she’s actually really sweet most of the time.”

“I’m gonna need help setting this up. Might be an all nighter.”

“I like coffee,” you said. He nodded and you turned around. “Gia! Calm down! I got a solution for ya.”

“Hi,” said Dean as you pulled into the employee parking lot at around ten that night. “How’d the dinner go?”

“Fine. Gia’s stressed out so Scott and I got her drunk. I told her I had it handled,” you said. “I have dunkin and my sneakers and put me to work.”

“The guys are nearly done with the lights. I need you to help me with tables and stuff, where you want everything,” said Dean. 

“Alright,” you said. “Do you have a notebook I can borrow?”

“Pad of paper work?” he asked as you followed him into the back of the brewery. You hummed and he handed it over along with a pen. You cut through a side door and found yourself outside, staring at a whole bunch of lights in trees and along a privacy fence.

“Oh she’s gonna love this,” you said as you walked out there. You started to jot down where trees were and drew some tables on the paper, rearranging them a few times before you held it up to Dean. “Can you put the tables like this?”

“Definitely can do. I’ll handle the forklift, you tell me where you want the picnic tables,” he said.

Forty minutes later the tables were out back and you’d laid out some rubber mats to act as a dance floor with one of Dean’s employees. 

“So DJ is there…” you said to yourself as Dean whistled for you to come over to where he and a few guys were laying out the impromptu bar top. “What’s up?”

“We were just wondering how fancy is your sister? Like is it that fairytale farmhouse thing or she like it more rustic?”

“She’s the former. My future brother in law is the later. He’s the one from here,” you said. “I was just thinking we’d throw a table cloth over the top of whatever we use for a bar.”

“We still got that piece we didn’t use in the second room?” said a man.

“The too dark of stain one? Yeah, it’s in storage. I bet that’d work great,” said a different guy. They took off and you took a deep breath as you looked around.

“It’s getting there,” said Dean. “If you want to head back to your hotel I think we can handle the rest.”

“It’s not that late,” you said. “I can do the tables while you guys figure out the bar situation if that’s cool.”

“Alright. Let me know if you want any help, sweetheart,” he said. You crossed your arms and he mimicked you, tilting his head down. 

“Thank you for all of this. Georgia will love it.”

“I’m not doing it for Georgia,” he said with a soft smile. You bit your lip and turned your head, feeling Dean step closer. “If I asked you to stay a few more days, would you?”

“Dean-”

“Would you?”

“Yes.”

“Then stay. Let’s try this for real.”

“I thought you weren’t a commitment kind of guy. That’s what you said.”

“You said there were no strings attached and yet here we are eight years later and I am as smitten as the first time I saw you.” You looked up at him, Dean reminding you of just how easy it was to fall in love with him. 

And how hard it was to fall out of it after the two you went your separate ways. Twice.

“Dean it’s never worked before.”

“We never tried. Italy was the two of us having fun and falling way too hard and fast and it scared the shit out of us both. And your car...that couldn’t have been coincidence. We spent the night in that motel room being goofy and reconnecting and then you got so hard when we said goodbye.”

“It’s kinda hard to get over you.”

“Don’t get over me this time,” he said. “I never did with you.”

“I can’t be with a celebrity and do that stuff.”

“Oh yes, I live a very glamorous life,” he said as he looked around. “Should I get out the forklift again?”

“Dean you know what I mean. You were coming up eight years ago. Four you had fans. Now you got even more. I live in a one bedroom apartment and work on sales reports from my kitchen table.”

“If you work from home then staying down here a few more days shouldn’t be a problem,” he said.

“Dean you’re gonna break my fucking heart again and I don’t want to put it back together. Can we just leave it at friends?” 

“Okay.” He unfolded his arms and cupped your face with both hands, pulling you into a deep kiss. You grabbed onto his shirt and slid your hand up to his face, Dean slow to break it off. “I don’t want to wait another four years.”

“I’ll stay a few days and if I’m not convinced there’s something…” you said as Dean chuckled. “Oh shut up you hopeless romantic.”

You brought your lips to his, moving slowly, Dean’s hands wrapping around to your hip, the nape of your neck, kissing you as gently as he did the first time he had.

“Uh, boss,” said a voice. You stepped away from each other and he grunted. “We got some barrels we could use to rest the top on.”

“Yeah,” said Dean. “Sounds good. Right?”

“Very good,” you said with a nod. “Dean, you uh, mind helping me with the tables?”

“Not at all, sweetheart.”

The Next Evening

“Hey,” you said as you found Dean in a suit, no tie, top collar undone and helping serve some beer from the taproom.

“Hey. You want a glass?” he asked.

“Sure,” you said. He poured two and excused himself, heading back with you over towards the reception. “I really can’t thank you enough. My sister loves it even more than the original place.”

“It’s no problem. I’m glad I could help out,” he said. You stopped just outside the reception, Dean smiling as he sipped from his glass. 

“Would you dance with me?”

“Sure,” he said. He set his glass down and took yours, placing it with his own before he grabbed your hips and started to sway slowly. 

“I meant at the wedding,” you laughed.

“But we’re already dancing,” he smiled. He spun you around and hummed quietly. “You look gorgeous tonight.”

“Thank you. You clean up well, Winchester.”

“This old thing?” he chuckled. “It’s my lucky suit.”

“You wore it that night. I thought you were gonna blow me off.”

“Went out and bought it after that afternoon. You wore that pretty white summer dress with the ruffles.”

“Couldn’t exactly wear a white dress tonight,” you said.

“I’m sure you’ll wear one someday,” he said. “You got plans after the party?”

“Might see this guy if he’s available. Not sure yet.”

“Oh he is. He knows a late night diner not too far with big greasy burgers if she’s interested. Plus he’s got a cool car.”

“Let’s go,” you said as you brushed your lips over his.

“Is the wedding over?”

“It’s dying down. I don’t want to wait any longer.”

“Let’s go.” He held out his arm and you stuck yours through it, Dean escorting you out to his car. You felt cooler out in the open air and he shrugged off his suit jacket, slipping it over your shoulders. You stuck your arms through and he opened the door for you, smiling to himself. “Ladies first.”

“Dean?” you said before you sat down. You pecked a kiss to his lips and he inhaled sharply. “Maybe I can stay longer than a few days?”

“You could just stay forever,” he said.

“Maybe I will,” you said. He cupped your cheek and grinned, kissing you slowly. “Don’t go away again.”

“Never, sweetheart. Let’s see if we can get a start on forever finally.”

_______

[ashesandhalefire]

i know, you know

alex, michael, and a lonely hearts club gone slightly awry.

-

inspired by @malex-cupid day one and three themes: wooing my way into your heart and valentine’s day.

-

“Okay, here’s a nightmare scenario,” Michael says as he eases back down onto the couch with another slice of pizza in his hand. He crosses his ankles on the coffee table and bites the tip off. Alex raises an eyebrow expectantly, drawing a sip from his beer, and Michael nods. After a rough swallow, he wipes the corner of his mouth with his thumb. “I once hooked up with a girl on February thirteenth. Totally lost track of the date.”

Alex rolls his eyes. “That’s not a nightmare scenario for someone like you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Michael takes another bite of his pizza and tries to talk around a mouthful of cheese, face twisted with playful indignation. “Someone like me?”

Alex leans his head against the back of the couch and says, “Charming people never end up in nightmare scenarios because they can, by default, charm their way out of anything.”

Brow furrowing, Michael wrinkles his nose. “I don’t think I’ve ever been called charming in my life. A few other choice words, sure, but not charming.”

“Well, I guess my perspective is a little different from the sheriff’s department. In my experience, you have a tendency to be very good at saying the right thing.” Alex wiggles his left foot where it sits, tucked beneath the center cushion on the couch, and rubs distractedly at his right knee. The knot in his sweatpants jostles close to Michael’s hip.

Entirely by accident, he’s significantly more dressed-down than Michael is in his slim jeans and crisply colored flannel. Neither piece of Michael’s outfit has the well-worn softness of his usual wardrobe, none of the torn seams or threadbare elbows, but the top two buttons of his shirt are undone like always and the collar hangs wide against his clavicle. Alex tries not to let his eyes linger.

As he chews through another bite, Michael stares back at him, and the gaze feels heavy enough that Alex turns away. “And, please, you’re sitting on my couch, watching my television, drinking my beer, and eating my pizza. If that’s not the direct result of charm, what is it?” 

“Dumb luck,” Michael says. Amusement glints in his eyes as he licks his lips. “Besides, this whole lonely hearts club thing was your idea.” 

“Yeah, but it was originally a party of one.”

Alex had quickly opted out, making his answer a polite but firm no, when Kyle mentioned the flier on the Crashdown’s front door that advertised the latest Wild Pony cash-grab attempt, but that hadn’t prevented him from running face-first into Isobel’s advertising efforts all over town for the next week and a half. General buzz at the post office and hospital implied that her reputation for event planning had drummed up some genuine interest from the locals, and that in and of itself cemented his plan for the weekend as pizza, beer, and whatever cable had to offer. His plan had, at no point, included running into Michael in the candy aisle at RiteAid at three o’clock in the afternoon on Valentine’s Day.

With an armful of personal care items marked with discount stickers, Michael had taken one look at the prescription envelope in Alex’s right hand and the box of chocolates in his left and said, “Got a hot date?”

“No,” Alex had said, wishing he’d chosen to put on something neater than his faded sweatpants. Michael rarely looked presentable by general standards, but he always looked good. “Just chronic pain and a sweet tooth.”

“You should come back tomorrow,” Michael had suggested. “Better sales after the holiday.”

“True, but then I won’t have anything to eat tonight.”

Michael had visibly perked, even though his face stayed neutral. “You’re not going to the singles night thing at the Pony? I thought Valenti would have roped you in for sure.”

“No.” Fleetingly, Alex had considered the idea of wandering through the crowded bar, equally decorated in distasteful neon and garish party store hearts, and trying to pick which of the Pony’s regular stock might like to have his drink bought by an openly gay veteran with one leg while his friends watch from the sidelines of their depressingly stable relationships. “There’s not enough booze in the world.”

“Yeah, I get that,” Michael had laughed. He hadn’t quite met Alex’s eye as they both carefully side-stepped the rest of the conversation. Alex had stopped paying attention, so he wasn’t sure if Michael had retaken to running up a tab yet. “Is is completely pissed at me, but I told her there was no way in hell.”

Alex had swallowed. “Got a hot date?”

“Totally,” Michael had said. He held up his hand and wiggled his fingers. “I think you’ve met him.” 

In retrospect, Alex blames the rest of the conversation on the fact that he’s been unshakably in love with Michael since he was seventeen. For the better part of a month, he’s been trying to work up the courage to throw out a line. But they exist in a strange no-man’s-land of casual acquaintanceship that borders on friendship and romance simultaneously, and Alex hasn’t quite found the right way out yet. 

“If you don’t have plans tonight, you could swing by.” Michael, already at the end of the aisle when Alex called after him, had looked mildly startled when he turned around. “We can get pizza. Or something. Whatever goes with beer.”

“Everything goes with beer in my world.”

“It’ll be a lonely hearts club type of thing,” Alex had said, primarily for the deniability. 

Michael had cocked his head. His eyes drifted lower and lower until they paused and climbed back up Alex’s body at a crawl. “Are you lonely?”

“I had a nose ring, remember?” Alex had clutched the prescription bag in his fist with a crunch and forced himself to laugh, even as bashful panic squeezed at his throat. “You don’t end up with a nose ring and Danger posters on your walls at seventeen unless you’re deeply lonely.”

A slow smile had stretched across Michael’s face, and he ducked his head like it was too private to share with the open aisle. When he looked up again, he wrinkled his nose to help steady his armful of bottles with a nudge of his telekinesis. “I’ll see you at six, then. Pizza and beer.”

Now, Michael breaks a wayward string of cheese away from his last bite and asks, “You want me to go home? Leave you to your pity party?” 

“No. I’m enjoying the company. I think it’s because you’re so charming.”

Michael laughs. “You’re so full of shit.”

“Fine, don’t believe me. But hooking up with a girl who was looking for a hookup on the day before Valentine’s Day is not a nightmare scenario.”

“Alright,” Michael says, nudging Alex’s bent knee, “so give me a better example.”

“Uh, pizza and beer with a guy that never learned how to chew with his mouth closed?”

Michael tears into the crust of his slice and says, muffled by food, “I’ll leave anytime. Just say the word.”

Alex pulls his foot out from under the couch cushion and rolls his heel into the side of Michael’s thigh. “Don’t be disgusting!”

Mashing his teeth, Michael chews with his mouth open for another two bites and then relents. He drops a hot palm into the exposed skin of Alex’s ankle, holding it in place, and Alex manages not to react until Michael strokes his thumb into the hollow beside his Achilles tendon. 

“I need a refill. Do you want another beer?” he asks, pulling his leg away and turning to plant his foot on the floor. He bends down to grope beneath the couch for his crutch. 

“Yeah, I’ll take another one.” Michael stands, taking his empty bottle in hand, and says, “I’ll get it. I know my way around the fridge.”

As he shuffles between the couch and the coffee table, he drops a hand onto Alex’s left shoulder and squeezes. The touch is gone almost as soon as it starts, but Alex still lets out an audible squeak on his next exhale. 

Being touch-starved is hardly new, but it makes him feel like an especially pathetic rescue cat when his body shivers at the barest graze. Twice it happened when Kyle leaned over to look at his laptop and put a hand on his back while they worked on the salvaged hard drives together, and Alex had barely been able to hide the heated flush in his cheeks. It’s more humiliating with Michael, somehow, because Michael has always been exactly the same. He’s always turned into Alex’s touch with eagerness, always looked for the most contact he could find. Something about touch between them turning casual and unaffecting on his end while Alex is gasping like an Austen heroine is especially unsettling.

He takes three deep breaths, holding the air in his chest and releasing through pursed lips, and then Michael squeezes between the end table and the chair with two beers. He twists the tops off with a twitch of his nose, and Alex watches the bent metal land on the coffee table with a ding. 

“Show off,” he says as Michael hands him a bottle. Their fingers brush against the glass. “You’ve never fought with a jar of pasta sauce in your life.”

Michael eases back down onto the couch, snagging the last garlic knot from the crimped tinfoil on the coffee table on the way, and says, “Rubber band trick works wonders. Not that I’ve ever needed it.” 

“Smug bastard.”

Alex watches the bob of Michael's throat as he takes a long draw from his beer. 

“Oh, here. Almost forgot.” Michael pops the rest of the garlic knot into his mouth and lifts his hips off the couch to give himself room to root around his pocket. After a moment of tugging, he tosses something across the couch. It lands on Alex’s thigh. “For your sweet tooth.”

Alex stares down at the packet of SweeTARTS heart candies, emblazoned with the same sentimental phrases as classic conversation hearts. “These are sour.”

“Well, yeah, but aren’t those the ones you like?”

Fingers toying with the crimped edges of the paper wrapping, Alex nods. 

“Then Happy Valentine’s Day.” Michael sucks a spot of oil and garlic from his thumb. “I had to go to, like, four different CVS stores to find them.”

“Thank you,” Alex says. “You didn’t— I didn’t get you anything.”

Michael shrugs. “You paid for dinner. Least I could do was pick up some candy.” 

-

-

Darkness creeps up on them while they trade sarcastic commentary about the fake detective comedy marathon they found on a higher cable channel. The lone bulb still on over the sink casts a warm yellow glow across the kitchen and dining room, and the living room flickers between dark and light as the scenes change on the television. 

Alex glances down at Michael, who has made himself comfortable with one leg dangling off the edge of the couch and the other curled up against the arm. His head rests on a pillow that he laid atop Alex’s right leg, and he has Alex’s left leg stretched out in front of his chest to keep it from blocking his view.

The shift was gradual: he slumped sideways and curled his legs up; he leaned on his elbow and tried to stretch out; he whined about his neck and grabbed the pillow off the floor, checking that it wouldn’t bother Alex’s knee if he put pressure on it; and he grabbed Alex’s left leg by the ankle to straighten it out while complaining that he couldn’t see. And now Alex’s shin is pinned beneath Michael’s palm, feeling the rise and fall of Michael’s chest whenever he chuckles at one of the jokes. 

They’ve spent hours together, rolling around in Michael’s cot and the back of his truck and motel beds, but Alex isn’t sure they’ve ever been more intimate. Quiet stillness has always been difficult for them to come by, and he can barely remember the last time they spent an afternoon together without some sense of doom hanging over their heads. They’ve certainly never laid on a couch together for four hours. 

Michael shifts, rolling onto his side, and his hand drifts down towards the top of Alex’s foot. The calluses on his palm catch against the weave of his sock, and Alex listens to the faint scratch of material without breathing. After a moment, Michael’s fingers slip beneath the elastic at the bottom of his sweatpants, and he strokes absently at the ball of Alex’s ankle. 

The fears and the doubts are as present as they’ve been for the last few weeks. All of their baggage is exactly the same. 

Alex winds one of Michael’s curls around his finger, and he feels the stutter in his breathing. 

With empirical evidence like that, he has to be brave. 

He mutes the television and says, “I don’t have to work tomorrow.”

“Okay.” Michael glances up. “Is this…new information? Should we be celebrating?”

“No, I mean—” Alex swallows. “I don’t have to go out tomorrow, so if you stay over afterwards, we can talk.”

Michael stares at him. “After what?”

Alex shrugs, but his eyes linger pointedly on Michael’s mouth. 

“Oh,” Michael says. He turns onto his stomach slowly, like he thinks moving too quickly will turn Alex skittish, and then he eases up onto his knees between Alex's legs. Carefully, he pushes the pillow on Alex’s lap out of the way and onto the floor. “Yeah. Yeah, I could stay over. Afterwards.”

Light from the silent television flickers against the side of his face, and Alex reaches for the loose collars of his shirt. Michael bends pliantly, anchoring his hands beside Alex’s shoulders on the arm of the couch, and lowers himself until their noses brush. Then, he hesitates. He nuzzles against Alex’s cheek, rolls their foreheads together, and sighs out a laugh. 

Alex giggles back, a nervous sound he has no control over, and asks, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Nothing. I just— I don’t wanna screw up. This has been a no-fly zone for weeks.”

“It really hasn’t.”

“It really has. I have the bruised ego to prove it.”

A missing piece slots into place in Alex’s chest, loosening every ounce of tension left in his body, and he sags down against the couch cushions. He takes a moment to look up at Michael, at the vulnerable pinch of anxiety that crinkles the corners of his eyes, and then he reaches up to smooth his thumb over the crest of Michael’s cheeks. The wrinkles worsen, so he tows Michael in by his hips and shakes his head. “No. No, you’re— you’re cleared to land.”

“That’s not— ” Michael blinks, and then says, affectionately, “Oh, fuck you.”

He laughs, deep in his chest, and finally presses his mouth to Alex’s. Alex surges into the kiss, letting it linger until the smile splitting across his lips forces Michael to pull back. He tries again, but Alex can’t relax his grin, so, for a moment, they just breathe, silhouetted in the dark. 

Then, Michael says, “No regretting it tomorrow?” 

Alex shakes his head. “No.”

“No nightmare scenario? No backslide with my ex?”

“No.”

“No… I scratched my itch, now get out of my house?”

“No!”

“Okay, good. Good. Because I’m playing for keeps this time.” He settles his weight between Alex’s thighs, and Alex is struck suddenly with the realization of how easy it is to be happy, how earned it feels after all this time.

They kiss, lazy and unhurried, until the cable box starts to idle in the background and leaves them in a nearly pitch black room. The last three buttons of Michael’s shirt come undone under Alex’s fingertips, and Michael’s unshaved jaw scrapes his mouth almost raw.

“Next year,” he mumbles against Alex’s cheek in a moment of reprieve, “I’m gonna fill this house with roses.”

Distractedly, Alex hooks his heel around the back of Michael’s calf and says, “If you somehow have a quarter of a million dollars to waste on that many flowers next year, we will not still be living in this house.”

Michael’s whole body jolts.

“We?” he teases gleefully, and he digs his fingertips into the soft back of Alex’s knee. “Did you just forget we don’t have a joint bank account? Oh, fuck, you really do like me.”

A hot flush rises in Alex’s cheeks as he squirms. “I like your fake money.”

“I think you mean our fake money.”

Alex laughs. “I fucking hate you.” He turns away, and Michael bends down to kiss the exposed line of his neck. 

“You don’t,” he says between nips. “You really don’t.”

“No,” Alex agrees. “I really don’t.”

[yellowsuitcase]

The Unwanted Pet // Draco Malfoy

A/N: Hello! This was a request from one of my friends, I thought it was such a cute idea and I knew it wouldn’t take more than a couple hours so I wrote it! I find it adorable and I hope you do too!

Summary: Y/N wants a crup (a jack russell like creature) but Draco most certainly does not. What happens when Y/N gets one anyway?

Warning(s): None

Word Count: 2.7k

“But Draco, it’d be so cute!” Y/N pleaded with her husband. She was leaning on his back while he tied a letter to his owl to send to his coworker at St. Mungos.

A soft wind blew through their open window, bringing the sweet smell of daisies with it. One of Y/N’s favorite things about living in the countryside was the variety of flowers surrounding their home, which was by no means a modest one. Draco would’ve felt too out of place if they had purchased a small abode, so Y/N caved and allowed him to buy a big Irish style house surrounded by thick greenery and rolling oak tree forests. However, Y/N had grown to love the rather big dwelling. But she’d felt a bit lonely whenever Draco would go to work in the early morning, leaving her alone until he returned at nearly midnight.

She had her own job working on the Hogwarts Express, but that only required her to leave the house a few days out of the year. Even though there wasn’t a need for her to work since Draco had inherited all the Malfoy fortune when his father passed a year ago, Y/N found comfort in driving the train full of young and eager students to and from Hogwarts. It reminded her of her days at the school; it was where she had met Draco, the man she’s been married to for seven years.

“Love, they’re high maintenance and a big responsibility. I don’t know if it’s a good idea,” Draco replied as he sent off his owl, Biko, and turned around to embrace his pouting wife. He kissed her on the head and gently swayed her back and forth before removing himself from her embrace. He then sauntered to the kitchen to nibble on some jelly slugs; he had quite a sweet tooth.

“But Draco, they’re so cute,” Y/N whined. Draco shrugged. “So what? If you want a pet so badly, go find a toad in one of the ponds...On second thought, don’t. Slimy little creatures they are.” Y/N rolled her eyes as she pushed back a long green curtain to allow more sunlight to stream into the cozy living room. “I don’t want a toad, I want a crup, and I don’t see why we can’t have one.”

Draco shook his head and wiped the corner of his mouth with a napkin. “I’ve already told you, they’re messy, you’d have to get a license from the ministry, and they’re high maintenance.” He began gathering his coat and satchel. He had to be at St. Mungos in nearly half an hour. Y/N sighed as she watched him slip on his shoes. She sunk further into their brown leather couch, which once belonged to Y/N’s mother. Draco gave her a pitiful glance. “I’m sorry, my beautiful wife, but I do not wish to have a mangy mutt running around our home. Perhaps something a bit more manageable? How about an owl? I’m sure Biko would love a friend,” Draco said while gesturing to the window his owl had flown out of just minutes ago. Y/N sighed and nodded, “Yeah, perhaps I’ll take a trip to Diagon Alley and see what kinds of owls they’ve got. Would you fancy a barn owl? They’ve got quite a striking face.”

Draco walked over to her and pressed a sweet kiss to her lips. “Any owl you want, I’m fine with. I’ll see you tonight; maybe we can have dinner outside, it’ll be perfect picnic weather.”

Y/N smiled softly and watched him stumble into their brick fireplace and throw floo powder down, disappearing in the green flames it created. Once Y/N was sure he had gone, she sprang to her feet and ran for the closet where her shoes were located. She grabbed the first pair she saw and promptly shoved them onto her feet. Little did Draco know, Y/N had already obtained a license from the ministry and was fully certified to own a crup.

She stepped into the fireplace and dropped her floo powder while saying, “The Ministry of Magic Headquarters!” and in a flash, she appeared in the massive dome-shaped lobby of The Ministry building. The hustle and bustle of employees finding their way to elevators and offices intimidated her initially. Nevertheless, after a few moments, she gathered her composure and began walking towards the Department of Magical Creatures. She’d already sent an owl to the Beast Division and made arrangements to pick up her new pet, so all she had to do was get there. And she did; after many twists and turns and pauses to stare at the fancy plaques on the walls, Y/N found herself outside the door. She wasn’t sure whether or not she was supposed to knock, so she put her tentative hand on the knob and turned it slowly.

It opened to reveal a nice looking woman sitting at the chestnut-colored desk. A fairy was fluttering around her head and putting flowers into her hair. She looked up upon hearing Y/N enter. “Hello! Would you happen to be the person who requested a crup?” she asked. Y/N shifted from her left foot to her right foot, trying to expel the excitement jitters from her body. “Yes, that’s me.”

“Wonderful! Y/N Malfoy, yes?” the woman asked. Y/N nodded, and the woman wrote something down on a piece of parchment. “They brought him in an hour ago, so he should be fed and ready to go! And his tail has already been removed as he is seven weeks old. I’ll check in the back and see if he’s all set. You just wait here, alright?” the lady asked.

Y/N grinned and nodded eagerly. She was a bit sad that her crup’s tail had already been removed, it had to be so that muggles wouldn’t notice it was a magical creature, but it still saddened her. Soon enough, however, she heard scampering behind the door. Her heart leaped in her chest, and she fiddled with her fingers anticipatedly. She held her breath as the golden door swung open. Behind it was the woman and a little crup in her arms as well as a carrier by her feet. Y/N’s hands flew to her mouth as she gasped. “He’s so cute,” she whispered. The crup seemed to notice her and suddenly jumped from the lady’s arms and onto the floor where he raced towards Y/N. She looked down at the dog-looking creature. He was staring straight up at her, and when they made eye contact, he barked.

The lady laughed. “Look at that. He already likes you!” Y/N smiled and hesitantly knelt down to greet the fluffy beast in front of her. “Hello there, would you like to come home with me?” she asked. The crup barked happily, his little butt wiggling as he did so. Y/N giggled and opened her arms for the crup. He ran into them and nestled himself against her chest. Y/N stood back up and gently stroked her new pet. “Do you have a name for him yet?” the woman asked. Y/N nodded her head and glanced up to look at the lady. “I’ve decided on calling him Styx,” she said.

“How cute! Well, I don’t want to waste any of your precious time with Styx, so let’s have you pay so you can be on your way.” Y/N reached into her pocket, pulled out two hundred galleons, and placed them on the woman’s desk. After doing so, she put Styx in his new carrier and zipped him up so he’d be safe and secure. Waving goodbye to the nice lady, she reopened the door and took a deep breath. The easy part was over, now she had to face Draco.

---------

Y/N and Styx had spent the entire day playing with all the new toys she’d bought for him at Diagon Alley. He particularly liked the bright purple rubber ball, as well as his squeaky spider plush. It was nearly ten pm now, and Y/N and her pet were sitting on the couch. Styx was chewing on his bone as Y/N read the Daily Prophet. She was scanning an article about Hogwarts’ new Herbology professor, Neville Longbottom, when green flames erupted from the fireplace. Styx immediately jumped to his paws and began growling at the fire. And suddenly, there was Draco. He was smiling until he heard the low rumble coming from the crup. He glanced down at it and then up at Y/N.

“Tell me that this mutt doesn’t belong to you,” he said sternly. Y/N smiled; it looked more like a grimace. Draco ran his hand down his face in disappointment. “I thought we discussed this. I don’t want a Crup,” he whined, the exhaustion from his workday coming to the forefront. Y/N stood up and walked towards her distraught husband.

“I know you said you didn’t want one, but I’m just so lonely when you’re not here all day. I’ve got no one to talk to and nobody to snuggle with. I just thought having this little guy would give me something to do as well as provide company,” she said quietly, now feeling a bit foolish.

Draco examined her expression intently. She looked remorseful and ashamed; she couldn’t meet his eyes. He sighed and shifted his gaze to the little creature by his feet. Not even Draco could deny the mutt’s inherent cuteness. He looked back up at his wife. “Fine,” he caved, “We can keep him. But I swear if he causes any trouble, he’s going back. I will not tolerate any misbehaving.” Y/N gasped and wrapped her arms around Draco’s neck.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you! You won’t regret it, he’ll be the sweetest boy ever. I bet you’ll even grow to like him,” she argued, arms still around him. Draco huffed. “Yeah, right, I don’t think so,” he retorted. He was convinced he’d never learn to genuinely like the crup. Sure he’d probably be able to tolerate him but never enjoy having him around.

“Are you sure? You’re already acting like a dad with all your ‘I will not tolerate misbehaving’ nonsense,” Y/N remarked. Draco rolled his eyes. “I’m serious. If he chews my shoes, he’s out.” Y/N withdrew her arms and crossed them on her puffed up chest. “You’re on, Malfoy.”

--------

Over the next few months, Styx had become a constant within the Malfoy home. It took Draco a little over two weeks to allow him to sleep with him and his wife on their bed, but when he finally caved, he instantly regretted it. More often than not, Y/N slept with her arms around the Cruppy instead of around Draco. The blonde man would always get angry and shoot death glares at the creature while his lover slept. How dare the mutt take his place in her arms?

However, what Draco was unaware of was the fact that sometimes during the night, Styx would wiggle out of Y/N’s arms and settle himself in the crook of Draco’s neck where he’d give him a few soft licks before falling back asleep. And since Y/N would often rouse in the middle of the night, needing to use the restroom, she’d be greeted with the endearing sight of her husband cuddling with Styx. She’d never tell him, but she had quite a few photographs of the scene.

Styx was generally a well-behaved pet. He didn’t chew Draco’s shoes like the man had feared, but he did, however, eat their food when they weren’t looking. This infuriated Draco to no end. Y/N, on the other hand, found it rather funny. She knew that underneath all his fury, Draco found it amusing as well. She was sure of this because one afternoon, when Draco had the day off from work, she’d gone to fetch a book to read to her husband and pet. When she returned, she found Draco smiling down at the crup. She stopped in her tracks and hid behind a wall to listen in on the conversation.

“Look at you, you little scoundrel, stealing my roast beef. You think you’re clever, don’t you?” Draco asked the dog-like creature. Styx barked in reply, making him chuckle. “No, no. I’m afraid you’re nothing compared to me, Styx. You see, I was in Slytherin.” Styx barked again. “Mhm, I was, and you were not so truly who’s the more cunning of the two of us? I think it’s quite obvious.” Styx barked again and pawed Draco’s calf. “Exactly right, my boy, it’s me. Although you’re definitely the cuter one, I’ll give you that.” Y/N watched this exchange from her hiding place. She knew Draco was rather fond of talking to himself, but it seemed as though he enjoyed talking to Styx as well.

Now, Y/N was writing a letter to her sister in the study when she heard a knock at the door. She put down her quill and turned in her chair. “Come in,” she spoke softly. The door opened, and there stood Draco. “You got off of work this early?” she asked. Draco grinned sheepishly. “I may have asked to leave early,” he said while leaning on the doorframe. Y/N was immediately suspicious of her husband. She kicked her leg up and over her thigh and crossed her arms. “May I ask why?” she inquired. Draco shrugged and reached into his back pocket.

“Oh well, it’s only because there’s a quidditch match tonight, and I got us two front row tickets,” he said as he pulled out the two slips of silver-lined paper. Y/N gasped and clapped her hands excitedly. “Draco! That’s brilliant. It’s been so long since we’ve gone to see a game. What teams are playing?” she asked as she rose to her feet. “I have to go find an outfit that matches the colors!” she shouted happily.

Draco laughed at his wife’s eagerness. “Wimbourne Wasps and Chudley Cannons are the teams. And you can go plan your outfit in a moment; I just wanted to let you know that I’m going to take Styx for a walk before I take you Hogsmeade for lunch.”

His words stopped her in her tracks. She looked up at Draco skeptically. “You’re taking Styx for a walk?” He nodded. “Willingly?” she asked. Draco nodded again. Y/N’s mouth fell open in shock. Her husband’s face turned red. “You’ve taken a liking to him, haven’t you?” Y/N asked incredulously. Draco rubbed his hand on the back of his neck and looked at the window. He noticed the parchment on the desk. “Who are you writing to?” he questioned, trying to change the subject. Y/N moved into his line of vision, forcing him to look at her. “Nuh-uh Mr. Malfoy. You’re not getting out of this one. Answer my question, and perhaps I’ll answer yours.”

Draco muttered something under his breath. “Didn’t catch that; speak up.” Draco sighed and covered his face. “Yes,” he mumbled. “I like the mutt.” Y/N squealed and threw her arms around Draco’s torso and squeezed him tightly. He was surprised by this and looked down at his wife quizzically.

“I knew you’d come around! I told you getting a crup would be a wonderful idea, and now look at you. You’re taking him for a walk willingly,” she declared. Just then, Styx himself came strutting down the hallway, his butt wiggling. He sat by Draco’s foot and barked up at him, almost as if he was asking what was taking so long. Draco smiled down at him. “Yes, I know it’s just that your mother and I were having a discussion,” he said to the fluffy creature. Styx barked once more. “I know, right? How rude of her to delay your walk,” he replied in an exasperated tone. Y/N couldn’t fight the smile that crept onto her face.

“Oh, so now you’re talking poorly about me to my son?” she asked. Draco looked up and smirked at her. “I am,” he said firmly. “Come along now, Mr. Wiggles, let’s find your leash.” Y/N was in disbelief as she watched her lover walk down the hallway with Styx in tow. She shook her head and chuckled lightly. “Unbelievable, those two,” she mumbled to herself before retreating into the study.

[makaylajadewrites]

Another Aspect

Hi all! I wrote this work for @endingsbeginnings​ - I hope you all enjoy!

Pairing: Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid

Tags: Canon-Typical Violence, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Autism, Autistic Spencer Reid, Established Relationship

Summary: Spencer has a meltdown on the job, but Derek is there to help him through it.

Word count: 1173

Read on AO3 here

It was a bad one. No amount of blood or gore fazed Spencer, but something about kids always seemed to get to all of them. Not just any kids - autistic kids, and other special needs children who were snatched on their ways to and from school, only for their bodies to be found nearly twenty-four hours later. Evidence of sexual assault was left on every body, most of which were male, but this unsub did not discriminate against gender. It seemed he was not preferential, and most of them hypothesized that choosing special needs kids made the abductions easier, and Spencer was so incredibly disgusted by the mere thought. How could anyone do those things to a defenseless child?

He was reaching his breaking point. The overwhelming urge to stim was encroaching on him, and he could tell that he was on the verge of a complete and total meltdown because the details of this case were harrowing and he felt so helpless, since all of the leads they had followed thus far ended up going nowhere. Already, a child had died while they were on the case. Seeing his distressed parents crumble against each other as JJ delivered the unfortunate news, through the glass windows of the conference room was heartbreaking. His hands were trembling already. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know.

But then there was Morgan… Derek Morgan, his partner, whom he absolutely adored. Fortunately for Reid, the feelings were very mutual; they had been dating for about ten months now, naturally gravitating towards each other after Tobias Hankle. There was just something they saw in each other, a sense of belonging, of home, that made it work, even though most would look at them and see polar opposites. But they were happy together, and Spencer had never before been in a relationship where his partner was so understanding of his autistic traits - it was like Morgan didn’t even consider it a problem like most did, but rather, he accepted it as another unique aspect of Spencer.

He and Prentiss had just returned from their canvas of the latest crime scene. Prentiss went off to join Rossi in his endeavor through the old case files, and Morgan rejoined with him at their space in the middle of the police department. Spencer had been sitting in that exact spot for at least ten minutes, although he wasn’t entirely sure since he lost track of time when he was in his own head, attempting to escape from the chaos of sensory hell all around him. There were so many people, all around him, so u

“You got anything, Reid?” Derek asked, sounding a bit exacerbated, most likely because nothing had turned up from their investigation at the crime scene. Reid couldn’t find it in himself to respond right away, but when his lips parted, the most horrific thing occurred;

“You got anything, Reid?” He responded effortlessly, his eyes widening in realization at what he had done. He was immediately overcome with embarrassment, his hands balling into fists over his legs. His lower lip began to tremble.

“Okay, it’s okay, baby… Why don’t we go somewhere quiet, okay?” Morgan said, reaching a hand out to allow Spencer to initiate contact himself. Spencer looked up at him, biting his lips to prevent himself from talking, because he knew very well that he would only repeat what Morgan was saying to him. He couldn’t help it - sometimes his brain just overused itself so much that finding words of his own was too difficult, and instead found comfort in repeating what he heard. His hands fidgeted in his lap still, and he stared at the extended hand with an expression somewhere between fear and trepidation. He slowly took it though, standing up with Morgan’s help. As soon as he was standing though, he recoiled rather violently, and instead chose to follow Morgan away from the bustling center of the police department and into an unused office that was dark and empty.

Once inside, Morgan closed the door behind them, pulled the blinds and, without touching the younger man, guided Spencer to sit down on the small sofa inside. Spencer did so, wordlessly, pressing his ever-twitching hands in between his thighs.

“You’re okay, Spencer,” Morgan said to him, crouching down in front of him and opening up his messenger bag, digging around for a stim toy.

“You’re okay, Spencer,” Reid repeated immediately, raising a hand up since he was unable to resist the urge to chew on his finger, nibbling lightly and reveling in the slight discomfort it gave him. Derek glanced up from the bag, a chewable necklace in his hand, the rubber piece blue and shaped like a crystal.

“Hey, hey, don’t hurt yourself, use this instead,” Derek said, holding the necklace up to him but refraining from touching him still - Spencer couldn’t be more grateful. He took the necklace instantly and pressed the chewable toy into his mouth, biting down on it in a constant rhythm, humming quietly in the back of his throat. His hands reached for Derek’s, and even as surprised as he was, Derek held his hands up slowly. Spencer laced their fingers together, squeezing his hands in a pattern mirroring his biting. Squeeze, relax; bite, relax…

About seven minutes later, Spencer’s mind had calmed down, his hands slightly shaking in Derek’s before he lifted one, taking the chewable out of his mouth and slipping it into a baggy in his messenger bag. He would have to wash it later, when they got to the hotel… But that was the least of his concerns. He met Derek’s gaze, and he smiled slightly, Derek squeezing their hands that were still joined.

“How are you feeling?” He asked him, his voice low and calming, and Spencer licked his lips before reaching a hand up to brush his hair away from his face.

“Better…” he said, matching Morgan’s quiet volume. Derek smiled, and as he began to pull his hand away, Spencer immediately pulled it up towards his face, resting his cheek against Derek’s knuckles.

“D-Derek, I…” Spencer started, looking down briefly before raising his gaze to meet Derek’s dark, gentle eyes once more, Thank you.”

“No need to thank me,” Derek said simply, brushing his knuckles over Spencer’s cheekbone, “If you need some more time, no one will think any different. But if not, let’s get this son of a bitch.”

Spencer nodded and with a new sense of determination, followed Derek out of the empty office. God, I love that man, he thought with a content smile, and when they rejoined the team in the department, Spencer approached the map with a new thought in mind, and within ten seconds, he was spouting off a new theory to their team, and he could have sworn he saw a proud smile twitching at the corner of Derek’s lips.

Needless to say, Spencer’s insight led them straight to the unsub, and they boarded the jet that night, arriving home the next morning.