#i love jonathan he needs to get his shit together in season 5. come save will idiot!!!! he needs you

[steddieficrecs]

Steddie WIPs/Unfinished Fics

⚠️read at your own risk⚠️

Smokin' in the Boys Room by SgntToastybuns

Steve Harrington is nearing the end of his senior year of high school and he has no idea where he's heading in life. His parents are absent, he recently broke up with his girlfriend, and now he's talking to crying band geeks in the boy's bathroom. Maybe getting high with Eddie 'The Freak' Munson will make him feel better.

AU without the Upside Down and Steve becomes friends with Robin and Eddie much sooner.

who are you? (the right one) by percylicious39

"Now, Wayne obviously knows about his nephew's preferences in partners, that one time a glaringly indisputable proof, but he couldn't quite frankly give a single damn about it, love is love and all that crap. Not that he'd understand anything about that crap. Anyway, he has seen Eddie shove enough boys out of his tiny bedroom window to know that they never get to spend the night, and they never get to prepare Eddie's favorite tea at four in the morning on a Wednesday without Eddie even being present in the room. So what the actual hell is this one doing here? And where is Eddie?"

Or five times Wayne meets Eddie's boyfriend and that time he finally learns his name.

Operation Get Steve a Boyfriend by MothToTheFlame

“Steve,” Dustin declares, a hand placed on his chest. “It would be my honor to be your wingman.”

 

or:

5 times Dustin tries to set Steve up with Eddie, and the 1 time it actually works.

Eddie Motherlovin' Munson by VacumCleanr (CharTheQ)

In which Karen Wheeler has a thing for long haired metalheads in tight jeans, and Steve is jealous as all hell.

Punk Princess by YouMakeMyHeartHowl

Steve Harrington spends the summer of 84' learning about Punk culture and Queer culture and comes back his senior year as a whole new man

 

Eddie is gay panicking all over the place

So is Steve

Harrington Charm(s Hellfire) by sailors_ink

Sometimes Eddie thinks the real Upside-Down is his life after they close the gates and save the world because this? This thing where his band, his club, his friends are all intruding on his own personal Steve time?

Not fun. No, not fun in the slightest.

off the beaten path by pukner

"I'm saying this," says Steve, loudly, cutting him off, "because someone I love is, uh, gay. And I love them, but like, platonically. And also me calling you a queer might've been a little hypocritical, in restrospect."

There is a long, baffled pause.

"What," says Jonathan, "Steve, are you--are you coming out to me?"

Steve frowns, "Oh, yeah, I guess I am. Cool."

Or, post season 3, Steve manages to figure out that he's bisexual, despite his best efforts to repress it, comes out to Robin and Jonathan Byers of all people, and figures himself out. Also, there's a cute guy who might be actually insane running the kids' dnd club and he's got his eye on him. And his bandana.

Too bad Eddie Munson hasn't had a similar revelation. He's still under the impression that he's a straight man obsessing over Steve Harrington for normal, extremely heterosexual reasons.

 

OR: Steve figures out he's bi before Eddie figures out that he's gay. Eddie still manages to fall first.

Tell Me "Don't", So I Can Crawl Back In by KiaraMGrey

When Steve finds himself alone and without friends, following his breakup with Nancy, he decides what he needs is a distraction. Maybe some new friends who don't remind him of the bullshit life he gave up. When he literally runs into Eddie Munson, school drug dealer and self proclaimed freak, an idea begins to form. Who better to show him what life outside popularity can be like, than someone who doesn't give a shit what anyone thinks?

And Eddie? Well, Eddie is just bracing for impact.

you can let it all go by lyrical_litany

After the portals close, life goes on. Eddie and Steve sort through it together.

or

the future of the Party through the eyes of Eddie and Steve.

Caught in the Middle by Yamiswift

In the aftermath of Vecna Eddie can't seem to stop himself flirting with Steve. In the space of a single conversation he's told the guy to keep the jacket, compared himself to a fair maiden, and fucking winked apparently! Surely there's still some monsters left so he can fling himself into the upside-down and not have to face how embarassing he's being.

Steve is certain that all the feelings he's been having about Eddie are platonic with a captial P. True, he can't stop looking at the guy, and touching him, and thinking about how pretty he is and how soft his hair looks- But that's all totally normal friend stuff. Totally, completely, normal.

A fic exploring how the aftermath of vol. 2 could have gone had Vecna been defeated a few minutes earlier. Featuring Eddie's disaster flirting, The Jacket, Steve and Robin playing detective about Steve's sexuality, a Bi-awakening, Steve and Eddie co-parenting six children, and everyone else's reactions to the whole mess.

[why-this-kolaveri-machi]

it wasn’t power i coveted; it was acceptance.

Titans 3.06

y’know, i was just thinking the other day that 1.06/1.07 and 2.06/2.07 were the best episodes of their respective seasons, so i have great hopes going in to this one. fingers crossed!

as always, typing this up as i see the episode.

SPOILERS AHEAD

1. oh! um... that was a Cold Open, all right. *nudges* get it? cold? because it’s snowing? and two people got murdered in cold blood? eh?

... oh, i’ve just started.

1.5. i wonder if “i want to be sipping pina coladas on a beach with you” is the new “i’m just one day away from retiring.” i was so on edge after that--i kept expecting that car to explode. even so, the way they died wasn’t an anticlimax: brutal, and quick. 

1.75. so i’m assuming that’s the titular lady vic! this show better bring up why this doll was important or why these two cops needed to be killed, and not leave it to the ether like jericho’s little mindscape jaunt in 2.08 (i’m still dying to know what that was about???)

2.

i love how deliberately unappealing wayne manor is. 

(sorry for the pic quality. i don’t have hbo max! ssshhh.)

2.3. i love the many references to “home” and “our house” when they’ve been here for less than a week and saw one of their friends get blown into pieces. i mean, i unironically love it: home is where family is, after all!

2.5. i’d like to say that kom is playing some sort of long game here, especially given the build-up we had last season and some of the more niggling details this season: why did kom choose now to use her bond to lure kory when she’s been on earth for months? why did justin call kory now, just around the time that she started getting kom’s visions? and what about kom’s ability to exactly imitate other people? hmmm.

2.75. the reason i wrote i’d like to say is that i’ve made the mistake of assuming plot complexity where there is none; i was so invested in the jason todd orchestrated his own death theory for instance, when it turns out that oops! ra’s al ghul just happened to leave a little lazarus puddle in gotham, and oh yeah! scarecrow just happens to have a network of henchmen working for him on the outside and a fully functional laboratory and a weapons cache fit for a new supervillain in the basement of the high security psychiatric unit/prison that he’s in! 

(no i’m not bitter, why do you ask)

2.8. iiiii don’t know what to say about the implications of sex slavery being a thing on tamaran, so i’m not going to say anything at all. for now.

3. gotham, six years ago... wasn’t it five years before s2 that jericho died and the titans disbanded? and when was the flashback from 1.06 where dick let zucco die? i think it was after the events of 2.08: jericho? i can’t seem to find any transcripts or reliable information online, so i’m going to have to rewatch 1.06 at some point. 

(i love the old-fashioned batman music in this heist scene)

3.5. “security is a joke... it’s my way of keeping my dad on his toes”. what you’re an ethical thief now, like an ethical hacker? i don’t think that excuse is going to sell, barbara, on the day you do encounter a decent security system and your father is forced to arrest you.

(then again, gotham’s security is piss-poor. did you know that you could just walk into arkham asylum without any official clearance, ply one of its most dangerous inhabitants with contraband, and said inmate could get away with having an entire laboratory and weapons cache--NO I’M NOT GOING TO LET THIS GO)

3.8 so that flashback between dick and barbara was really cute! and also illuminating:

a) dick sounds so light, so... um. look. i have some apologies to tender to mr thwaites, because while i’ve always thought he does a fine job as dick grayson, i’ve never been terribly fond of his cadence as he delivers dialogue. it’s often monotonous, i thought, but then again, he’s usually delivering exposition or dealing with one soul-crushing crisis or the other. so i was pleasantly surprised to hear dick sound so carefree and alive in his conversation with barbara, laughing frequently, his emotions so bare and bubbling to the surface. it’s really a fantastic contrast to the traumatised and world-weary dick grayson that we see now, even more so than the costume department just bunging a backwards-baseball cap on mr thwaites’ head and hoping that will convince us of his relative youth. 

b) and god, when he wakes up from that memory, all alone in his bed, bleeding from bullet holes in his shoulder (bullet holes that are--in a somewhat convoluted way--barbara’s fault)? yikes. it’s great. you have my apologies, mr thwaites!

c) can you imagine dick just... crawling back to wayne manor, trying not to be seen by anybody, shedding his suit and just... collapsing onto his bed without even tending to his wound? the sheer emotional and physical exhaustion of it? 

d) it’s so interesting to see how barbara and dick approach the idea of legacy--a big theme on the show!--in this flashback. barbara is the one bucking the idea that she should follow in her father’s footsteps, while dick seems pretty content with the batman-and-robin setup, and even tries to get barbara to join their team (robin-girl. pfffft). obviously after this several traumatic things happen wherein dick ends up questioning and then resenting his role as robin, his relationship with batman or even returning as a vigilante at all. and barbara... ends up replacing her father as commissioner. it’s tragic, really. 

e) the dynamic between dick and barbara in the flashback reminds me of how it was between dick and donna in 1.08 and even between kory and dick in early s1. it’s like having an older, strong-willed woman by his side means he gives over the steering wheel for a while and lets himself... unspool, a little bit. it’s kinda endearing.

also:

*pinches his cheeks*

3. you know, we talk about dick and Eldest Daughter Syndrome, and that’s definitely valid, but here gar seems to me the embodiment of it, with all the emotional gardening and firefighting that he’s expected to do. he’s kind of the guy expected to keep his shit together and take care of everyone else while they are falling completely to pieces, unable to carve out time to process his own trauma. he’s also picked up dick’s and kory’s tendencies to bottle up their struggles and shun appearing vulnerable, and he’s struggling in the shadow of both dick and kory undergoing acute crises, his best friend (and frequent confidante) on the other side of the world, and seeing hank die, utterly helpless to stop it. 

i’m glad that he got a chance to tell dick even a smidgeon of what he really feels, and i hope this is at least a semblance of a wake up call for dick to actually sit down and work with the people he repeatedly calls family.

3.5. it’s heartening to see that dick immediately makes it his priority to go talk to gar. but don’t blow off kory in the process, man!

4. i’m really loving this dynamic between kom and conner--i get the idea that both of them consider each other as Unknowns, alien two times over. but conner’s only ever known the titans, who embrace being different, and kom’s only ever known... well. 

anyway, kory is Really Stressed, and honestly? #relatable. 

when you’re forced to bring an estranged family member to hang out with your friends...

4.5. i love that the titans are spending so much time in the kitchen. a real family!

5. jonathan crane is a creep and i absolutely cannot stand him.

5.25. how did he get a whole lab setup (in the basement of a hospital...?) with a bunch of whitecoats to work for him? how did he just waltz into the viewing room of an operation theatre when he’s one of the most wanted men in gotham right now? why is jason wandering around maskless when--presumably--as the adopted son of the most famous person in gotham he’d be a tad more recognisable than your average joe?

why do i expect this show to answer anything anymore?

5.5. that’s not necessarily a criticism, mind; i’ve said since season 1 that titans is very comics-like in this aspect, all about the Aesthetic and the splash-page splendour rather than the niggling unimportant details of how or when the characters got to said location. like. the camera gliding over the operation being set-up, lady vic bursting in and doing her murder dance (imagine the luck of the poor intern who chose this day and this surgery to assist) and jason, shocked and slack-jawed, framed by blood.

5.75. it’s a sobering reminder for jason that, though he chose this path in order to gain control over a world that seemed like it was rapidly spinning out of his grip, he’s only succeeded in handing over even more control to a man with an agenda that is very clearly not aligned with his own. he’s in too far to stop now, though.

5.9. i have a lot more thoughts about jason! saving it up for the end of this recap, though.

6. more kitchen time! i better see dick do some cooking soon...

(”our kitchen”! it still delights me! kitchens are So Important)

6.25. so much of dick’s issues have revolved around his relationship with bruce, so it’s completely understandable that in the wake of a huge crisis where bruce literally asks dick to replace him and be a “better” him, dick would default to all the worst things he learned from the man. and i’m glad kory’s having none of it, but come on, guys. the woman’s literally fetched her fratricidal sister out of a hole in the ground with no idea what said sister is going to do next and experiencing a burgeoning sense of guilt far, far beyond her history with the titans, and dick’s too far into his autocolonoscopy that he can’t see that she needs help.

6.5. “he services your urges”--well, as far as we know, kory is the last person he had sex with...

7. “i hope [gar] isn’t angry with me...” SIR! i thought you’d already spoken to him! smh, as the kids say. kory wouldn’t be needing to reassure you if you just took the effort to build two way emotional relationships with the rest of the team. @superohclair​ was taking about dick’s relatively low emotional intelligence? i agree.

7.5. “i got my own problems [...] you and barbara? fix it.” YOU TELL HIM, KORY

8. man i really like this weird, sad tension between dick and barbara--this sense that both of them are approaching the other based on how they remember them and are ultimately disappointed by the truth. barbara thought she could trust dick to... well, be a better batman, but dick has not only failed at that in her eyes, but repeatedly undermined her while exploiting the authority that she gave him. in dick’s eyes, this is nothing like the barbara that he knew, rebellious and ready to do whatever it takes to find something. 

like. this show sometimes really hits me in the chest about the ways it shows kids grow into adults and into caretakers, and the way it’s stop-start, the ways nothing can happen at all for a long time and then it’s Crisis Central all at once and there’s no space to breathe. the weird sort of sadness that comes with nostalgia. 

8.5. oracle name drop! i agree with barbara, any system that can just randomly tap into gotham phonelines is a monster.

8.7. (i don’t know if it’s my imagination, but is dick holding himself... differently in this episode? like that wound is definitely bothering him, and he’s running on fumes)

9. man, that was a really sweet scene between kom and conner. “feeling alien in your own world”... “not quite here nor there”

honestly this team runs on conner and gar’s faith in their value as a family, and it’s a sign of conner’s generous heart that he extends that opportunity to blackfire. this arc of maturation for him, where he’s now able to consciously choose which parts of himself he can use to do the thing he wants to so--save people--has been so fulfilling to recognise. this baby’s grown with the titans! and what he’s learnt is that people can get fucked up, but the titans is a place where they can be fucked up, and grow.

MY MAN CONNER

10. oh man i’m drinking in the gar-dick interaction in this episode like i’m three days into the desert and it’s the only source of water for miles around!

a) gar is absolutely not dealing with dick’s bullshit this episode and I LOVE IT. it’s such a far cry from the man who was idolising dick/robin back in s1 and expecting him to solve all their problems. dick is fallible, dick is fucked up, but he Tries His Best and that’s ok.

b) dick, huffing and puffing through that vent, unable to put any pressure on his left shoulder, trying to have a heart to heart with gar... fuck i love this asshole. 

c) bruce took in a kid who was suffering... “and made him into a weapon”. well. i absolutely agree with dick that it was bruce who put these kids into these horrible situations with him and they came away with a bucketload of trauma to add to the one that they already had. but we know that bruce was really trying with jason, and at the end of s2, dick was coming to acknowledge that bruce had offered him something that wasn’t just darkness. jason’s death and bruce’s reaction to that shattered that fragile progress.

d) “gotham got to me too.” i feel more sympathetic towards dick running off on his own than most, and it’s not just because i’m an unapologetic stan.  we’ve seen before that dick... devolves when overwhelmed, and he lashes out and makes ill thought out decisions and just Does Not Deal. it happened after hearing the news that deathstroke had returned in s2, and it didn’t help that everyone around him was reeling at the news, either. this time, however, he has his salvation in his family, and despite some stupid decisions like running off and kidnapping supervillains without telling his team, he’s been really on the ball this season. thinking clearly and logically, holding it together and working on a plan, thinking two steps ahead of the villains... yes.

e) gar needing to believe that jason isn’t beyond redemption... there’s a lot of blood on his hands, too, from when he was manipulated by cadmus last season. it makes sense why he’d relate to jason’s predicament, and i hope dick picked up on that.

f) my head just added a plaintive ow after dick jumped feet first into the storage room

i need, crave gifs of this scene!

11. *sits on hands* i’m going to talk more about red hood, i promise!

12. more gar and dick! is it my birthday??!!

(actually, according to the tamil calendar, it is my birthday! my “star” birthday)

12.5. excellent. dick using some implausible training that bruce taught him to solve a mystery? passing some of that knowledge onto gar? that proud smile when he sees gar perfectly execute moves that he taught him? MY HEART IS EXPLODING

13. aw, i love flashback!dick and barbara, they’re so cute <3

13.25. why does it not surprise me that the way he proposes a relationship to barbara is by saying “we make sense”? this guy can deduce exactly who was present where and what weapon they were holding from a garbled audio recording but other times he’s utterly clueless, and that’s a consistent character beat right from s1

13.5. so.... that’s why lady vic has it out for... barbara....? i don’t get it. it’s flimsy. but hey! the fun thing about titans is that i don’t have to get it. the payoff has nothing to do with the plot.

14. i can’t believe that barbara fell for that, but at least that wheelchair fight looked awesome, so.

15. oh yeah, i forgot that red hood bullied the mob into helping him and scarecrow... at least that explains the whitecoats and the elaborate set-up.

15.5. honestly i love how this dynamic between kory and kom is developing, though i wish more of the team would pay attention to it. time to call justin, i think!

16. i wonder what happened after that second flashback where barbara got hurt during that heist. did she give up on doing any more (maybe jim caught her)? was it because dick was called away by bruce and then the titans and got caught up in his own issues? maybe barbara froze him out because she wasn’t looking for the relationship that he was looking for? maybe the idea of doing that with someone turning into batman-lite was just... unappealing? scary?

whatever it is, it doesn’t look like dick ever processed the end of that relationship. it’s very intriguing to see where their dynamic goes next.

17. so.... what, did vic deliver some fear toxin to barbara? i... what?

17.5. and i TOLD YOU that they would never explain that doll or why vic attacked those two cops at the beginning! oh, titans. never change. 

18. did jason just randomly have tim’s restaurant burgled? god, i’m feeling a bit nauseous... are they going to kill tim’s father?

18.25. i feel like the rest of the season is going to wrestle with jason’s culpability in the horrible stuff he’s doing and i’m already seeing that prospect divide fans. on one hand, his story is taking a lot of oxygen away from other equally interesting story arcs, and he’s done some truly awful things, like indiscriminate murder, threatening to kill children, blowing up hank, and potentially killing tim’s parents. 

there’s something to be said for the kind of hold that crane has over him, and the so-called ‘anti-fear’ drug that he keeps plying jason with--he’s alone, drugged almost constantly (to the level of dependence), fresh from the trauma of being bludgeoned to death. he hasn’t conquered fear; he’s ruled by it. on the other hand, given that he’s the one character on the show given an obvious and identifiable ‘mental illness’ arc (maaaaybe dick too), one can argue that it’s irresponsible to show this progress into such violence: jason was vulnerable because he was struggling, and that left him vulnerable, but it took only a push before he became a fucking serial killer.

but that could mean we underestimate the degree of that vulnerability, and the mechanics of this universe where he fell into the clutches of the one supervillain perfectly designed to exploit that vulnerability. that helpless spiral into further and further self-destruction is all too real. it’s valuable to know that someone who has sunk that low can still seek help--actual help--and get it. 

18.5. i don’t know. it’s not a question i’m going to resolve at the end of an overlong recap at 1 in the morning. i don’t believe it’s even a question that titans can resolve. but i am interested in where they’re going next with jason.

19. this episode was genuinely great! i’m pumped for the rest of the season!

[willel]

On this day, I’d like to talk about my feelings on Season 3.

I know I know. You roll your eyes. You’ve seen me talk about it before. But actually you haven’t. Not totally. If anything, you’ve just seen my inquisitional frustration now and then on how they decided to write it.

Make no mistake, I think Stranger Things 3 is the worst of the 3 seasons. Is it the worst tv ever? Nah.... though this is someone who doesn’t really watch tv other than Stranger Things (more of a reader myself). I usually watch youtubers rip tv shows apart instead.

So based on that, do I think Stranger Things 3 is worse that 13 Reasons Why, Riverdale, or uh.... hm.... oh! the last seasons of Game of Thrones? Well, no.

So how do I truly feel? Weirdly enough, I feel the same as I did when I finished watching it the whole time. I felt like... I was waiting for the ball to drop, episode to episode. I can’t pinpoint exactly what I was waiting for, but whatever it was didn’t come.

I didn’t.... FEEL as much as I did the first 2 seasons? And I felt like that was by design. They didn’t bring in the heartfelt stuff until literally the VERY end and by then, it was too late for me to feel invested in all these characters I genuinely like.

I never truly felt like anyone was in danger, especially not the Scoop Troop. Even as Steve was being tortured and had his daylights knocked out... it was just a *shrug* like moment for me.

Even when Hopper supposedly died.... I was kinda feeling like “meh. I doubt it.”

And I’m not trying to say someone HAS to die for me to feel something. No one died in Season 2 (except Bob) and I was still on the edge of my seat while they were interrogating Will or when they started panicking cause the Mind Flayer found their location. I was concerned that maybe El wouldn’t be able to close that humongous gate and Hopper would get eaten by demodogs before they even made it there. I was worried possessed Will would get loose before they managed to exercise the Mind Flayer and maybeeee he’d die or suffer more or something.

So for months, I guess more than a year now, I’ve just been debating my feelings on things. I’ve come to this conclusion.

Even though I didn’t really like the season overall, there were too many things in the season I did like to make me actually hate it.

Will’s arc that lasted about 3 episodes was off to a great start. I was really looking forward to it until it disappeared.

Murray’s friendship with Joyce... I dunno. I actually really loved that. They’re kinda similarly paranoid investigative people who bother Hopper in their own little way. It’s cute, like they’re long lost siblings.

Even if they laid it on a little thick, El and Max’s friendship was much needed and I’m glad that even though El was still trying to copy Max a little too much, Max was also doing her best to remind El now and then to find herself and no one else.

I like that El is now living with the Byers and that they’re moving away. It makes TOTAL sense that Joyce would pack up and leave Hawkins. Too much shit has gone down there, she needed to go for her and her kids sake + El.

Even though I wish the resolution had been different, Jonathan and Nancy clashing due to their backgrounds (being a woman vs being poor) was very interesting to me. I would’ve loved to have more of it. Not more arguing, just more talking about it other than the apology.

I love love love, first of all, Lucas reaching out to Will multiple times after the huge blow up trying to make amends. Some of it is in the background. And that CUTE HUG AT THE END. I love Will and Lucas. <3 Lucas is such a good friend even with a few screw ups there and there.

Jonathan for at least a second taking the big brother role for El and trying to cut that thing out of her leg. Trying to reassure her it’s gonna hurt but it’s gotta be done. So sweet even if gross

And then there’s the things I didn’t like that just... brought down my mood. Here’s a few.

Hopper was just... look. I don’t hate his character. I see this solely as a writing issue, not necessarily a character issue. I feel we could’ve ended up with the exact same plot if we cut out about 50% of Hopper’s snark. I get being overprotective of El and the old “Dad hates the boyfriend jokes”. Whatever. Would’ve been better if Mike ACTUALLY screwed up all by himself and Hopper was just enjoying the moment rather than Hopper being the cause of it.

And I get the whole Hopper really wanting to date Joyce stuff, but... I just can’t see how we go from season 1 and season 2 Hopper who was ready to throw hands with his deputies for implying Joyce was crazy. And the Hopper that really truly completely understood what Joyce was going through (anxiety,depression, and loss). How did that guy turn into someone trying to rush Joyce’s mourning along (after he mourned for his daughter for like, 6 years) and him being the one implying she’s crazy? It’s just weird. I can’t deal. It’s WEIRD.

No Jonathan and Will scenes. They’re finally on the adventure together and there’s still NOTHING. In the mall, Will is damn near having a panic attack hardly able to keep quiet and JONATHAN DOESN’T EVEN GLANCE IN HIS DIRECTION

No Jonathan and Joyce scenes. Mother and son who?

No Nancy and Mike scenes. They didn’t do it for season 2. Surely they won’t forget this time and give the siblings some screen time??? Nope. Bet 75% of the fandom forgot they’re even related.

No Max and Billy scenes. Not a fan of Billy, but Billy is her step brother. Why the hell wouldn’t the writing put a little more focus on that? Surely Max would be more suspicious of Billy acting weird or even nice to her? Surely they’d give her more moments of showing... something over the fact that her step brother is the big bad?

No Will and El scenes. Obviously I’d be annoyed at this. But you’d think the monster radar and the psychic girl would be butting their heads together a bit more to figure out what’s going on? This ties into Will’s evil senses only working 5 minutes too late. How did he sense the Mind Flayer smoke from 10 miles away, but now he can’t sense the huge flesh monster until it’s a couple meters above him?? No logical sense.

Complete erasure of Kali. I didn’t miss the fact that when El was having flashbacks of her mom, they pretty much cut out any mention or thought of Kali. Surely after that heartfelt goodbye, El would at least think of Kali for a moment and get distracted. She decidedly hid the fact that Kali exists from everyone else, wouldn’t it be nice if we saw her character still thinking about that secret from time to time??

And the final point that I feel like typing out tonight, too much focus on El. And I don’t mean it in the way you’re probably thinking. I mean that basically NO ONE is able to save El. EVER. She has to do everything up until the final moment. Mike and the gang isn’t allowed to save El from Billy choking her out. She ends up having to save them. No one can save El from the flesh eating vagina monster. She has to defend herself completely. Jonathan isn’t allowed to get the worm thing out of her leg, she has to pull it out herself. Mike and Max can’t do anything to protect her from Billy again. They all fail and she yet again has to save herself.

Ok, that’s all I wanted to say.

ST3 is like a..... 45 / 55 scale for me, and the 55 is the bad part.

[takaraphoenix]

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Season 6

1. Favorite character of this season?

I absolutely love how they dedicated this season to Buffy's issues. She died. And was ripped out of heaven. She lost her mom and was suddenly forced into being the adult in the house. It's so much and she gets to break about it. Yes, she hurts the people around her, but honestly... it kind of figures? How is one supposed to adjust to what she is trying to adjust to? But over the season, the wake-up calls she gets – the asylum episode, Dawn's stealing, Willow's addiction and then the grand finale that makes her realize she wants to be in this world – it's so great, because it goes... slowly.

My biggest issue with most modern TV is that it's basically torture porn. The main character is put through impossibly traumatizing ordeals but is never even given the chance to cope, to try and deal with it. The issues are never addressed, only glossed over because actually dealing with them would require care and good writing and take time away from all the other drama going on! So characters are only traumatized for shock-value and then are immediately over it, even though it's unrealistic.

This season is a season of trauma. A season of bad coping mechanism, of pushing people away but still seeking someone where she can feel safe – Spike. She slowly has to relearn to open up and let them in, she has to learn to want to live again. And it's hard. And the show doesn't shy away from it, it doesn't shy away from her making the wrong choices, because... there is no one right choice that is obvious when dealing with the trauma she has faced.

2. Outstanding minor character (positive or negative)?

Negative. Jonathan. I just... I really truly hate that Jonathan is in the trio. Of all people, Jonathan. The one who gave Buffy her class-protector award with that heart-warming speech. Buffy was the one person who saved him, personally, when he wanted to commit suicide. Even after the Jonathan Superstar episode, Buffy was gentle and understanding with him. It just... for him, to turn supervillain like that was incredibly disappointing for me.

3. Favorite character dynamic?

I genuinely love the Tara-Dawn dynamic. Tara and Willow raised her for months while Buffy was dead. But the Giles-Anya dynamic is also so great – I'm very soft for the way Anya points out her hair is blonde in the finale like “Buffy is getting hugs for short hair. I too would like a hug”.

4. Favorite canon romantic ship?

Buffy and Spike... in the first half of the season. The way she found him to open up to, he was the only one she voluntarily told about having been in heaven. She finds a connection to him. The way he loves her – that he stayed, for months, even though she was dead, because he had promised her to take care of Dawn and he didn't just do that, he helped the Scoobies protect Sunnydale. He had no reason to and it still... it bothers me so much that everyone continuously belittles Spike's love for Buffy like it's not there. If he was only lusting after her, he would have ditched town after her death, he wouldn't have helped defend Sunnydale and take care of Dawn.

5. Least favorite canon romantic ship?

I'm having flashbacks here but it's a tie and it's because of shit decisions Xander and Willow made.

It's strange, I want to love Willow and – as a friend – she is a great character, but she's just... a shitty partner? She cheated on Oz for weeks or months with Xander and now she used magic to play with Tara's mind. That is so... violating and disturbing and that, after Tara found out and confronted her about it and pointed out how incredibly wrong that was, even more so with Tara's past, Willow just went and immediately did it again. And this isn't something you can blame the addiction for; this was just “I don't want my girlfriend mad at me so I'll erase her memories”. It's... just so bad.

The other being Xander and Anya, even though I love Xander and Anya together, but... the entire season was a steady build-up to “Xander REALLY doesn't wanna get married”, literally from the first episode on. He tried to hide the engagement as long as possible. Then he just... makes these disturbed faces every time someone brings up the married life. They had a whole sing and dance number about their doubts. It's just so very evidently clear that he doesn't want to get married, but he takes until the wedding itself to realize and just... leaves Anya at the altar and then thinks he can get her back? Genuinely thinks they could just go back to being in a relationship? But after leaving her at the altar acting like she owes him something – when he watches her and Spike have sex?

Sometimes, it feels like Xander and Willow really live to sabotage their own happiness.

6. Favorite episode?

Once More With Feeling – it's just one of the most outstanding episodes, really! The songs are so brilliant, the emotional arcs this episode for everyone – from the Spuffy to the per-marital issues between Anya and Xander to Tara and Giles' doubts. It's really brilliant. Many shows after have tried to make a musical episode happen and, with luck, they're fun or comic-relief, but... none have lived up to the standard set by this one.

7. Least favorite episode?

Oh, that's an easy one. 6x19 Seeing Red, where they made... Spike, at this point honestly, completely OoC by having him try to rape Buffy. That will never come off as anything but OoC, not after all that has happened between them. Yes, they are violent with each other – but that's a mutual thing, they hurt each other. This was... terrifying to watch as a teen and it hasn't stopped being upsetting and disturbing. And then they top the episode off with Tara being fridged.

I know fridging is technically the act of killing a female character for the sake of a male character's suffering, but... it's gay fridging? It's not even entirely a Bury Your Gay; Tara dies specifically for the pain and suffering of her lover. After everything Tara's been through in life and after everything Willow has put her through this season, they barely just rekindled... and she gets killed off.

8. Favorite Monster Of The Week?

Aesthetically and what he brought to the show? Sweet from Once More, With Feeling.

But I think that Stewart from Hell's Bells also really stood out. The fact that Anya's past came back to haunt her – because she was a demon for a century and she tortured people for a living. She doesn't even remember this guy whose life she ruined and he comes in to ruin her wedding. And in the end... he wasn't even the one to ruin it, the viewer gets one last moment of hope when it's revealed this was a fake-out, that he was not “Xander from the future” but a vengeful demon... but even without Stewart, the wedding didn't happen.

9. Least favorite Monster Of The Week?

Not too many monsters of the week going on, really. Probably Wig Lady from 6x12 Doublemeat Palace, because all the implications of cannibalism in that episode were really very disturbing.

10. Rate the overarching villain!

Brilliant. 10/10. Holds up so well.

Seriously, there is this... frustrating part where Xander's character just does not hold up at all because of the casual sexism and gross over-sexualization of his female friends. Which figures, because that's how a Nice Nerdy Guy was defined in the 90s (and, if you look at modern TV aimed at nerdy guys like The Big Bang Theory, still is). It's just a trope from TV and movies that for some reason really worked back then but nowadays when we look at sexism and the behavior of men toward women with different eyes, it is really appalling and upsetting.

In the case of the nerd trio, this worked out really well for the show, because it only makes them even more effective villains. They are ridiculous losers, total nerds who think they are owed womens' attention. Their schemes are literally straight out of comics but for the dumbest purposes – they make an invisibility ray so they can go into a women's only spa to spy on naked ladies. They create mind-control devices but for the purpose of enslaving women into their sex-puppets.

It is so gross, so ridiculous and inexplicably still somehow funny, because it's straight out of comics. Freeze-rays? Invisibility-rays? Self-destructing lairs? Jet-packs? It is not out of this world, this isn't how Buffy the Vampire Slayer operates, this is a show about monsters and demons and they're turning it into a whacky scifi show and it works.

Then there's the fact that they're just... three dumb losers? I mean, last season, Buffy literally slayed a god. Shows like to escalate. The Big Bads become bigger and badder each season, but... where do you go after you killed a god? Instead of trying to immediately one-up the villain factor, they did something incredibly brilliant. They took all the steps back.

The villains aren't the focus of this season. The focus of this season is what I answered in the first part of this post. Buffy's mental health and readjustment. You can't only focus on that though, you do need a villain and for that, an overarching villain of some loser nerd bois who fail the majority of time are perfect. They're nuisances that make Buffy's life marginally harder at times, but they're not an overall, serious, actual threat that may end the world.

And still they... got Tara killed. In such a... human manner. An angry man-child who hates women comes in with a gun and shoots her. And there's nothing the demon-slaying good guys can do about it. The bullet hits – not the target it was intended for – and takes an innocent life. Just like that, Warren manages what the hellish bad guys from previous seasons hadn't managed; he kills a Scoobie. Angelus killed Jenny, Drusilla killed Kendra, those were the only major deaths at the hands of villains that we had on this show so far and both were minor characters.

Bonus: Other thoughts?

Dawn was so draining this season; she got better in the last quarter of the season but the majority of it... The stealing, the behavior, the blaming Buffy for absolutely everything – Willow got addicted to magic, it's Buffy's fault, they have no money and Buffy has to go and work to earn money and it's Buffy's fault that she's not home, Buffy died to save Dawn and somehow it's Buffy's fault too because she left Dawn. Just... how can you possibly be this self-centered...? It's so exhausting, even more so in the season that has Buffy suffering the most and instead of being a supportive, helpful sister, Dawn acts like she's the victim of everything...

And I understand, Dawn has been through a lot too – losing her mother, losing Buffy, learning she isn't human but just a mass of energy – but there is a difference between suffering yourself and placing all the blame on other people and pretending that the world is against you, instead of tackling your own issues and problems yourself? And stealing from your friends, at that.

And no, being fifteen isn't an excuse for not seeing beyond yourself. Fifteen year olds are sure old enough to be self-aware... This “fifteen year olds only see themselves and only care about their own suffering and everybody else is to be blamed for how shit their life is” is just... another cringey Teen Girl Trope. Seriously, why did they just cram every single bad trope into this character...

[whookami]

WTF ScreenRant??

They’ve got two recent articles, one in which they try to make the claim that Steve and Robin aren’t really friends, and the second is about characters that have grown over the course of the series, and they claim Steve HASN’T.

What show are they watching?? They say sure, he’s gotten kinder, but his immaturity shows he hasn’t grown. Fuck that. Being immature is NOT a good sign of whether you’ve changed or grown as a human. Sure, Steve is immature, but he’s also still a nineteen year old boy! What shows change and growth is how he’s developed empathy and the ability to put others before himself. He was always a guy who put on a veneer of confidence and infallibility, but what was under that mask was being ignored and underdeveloped. At the end of season one he finally decided to stop pretending and embrace how he really felt. Wanna know the biggest sign that Steve has changed and matured? He went to Jonathan’s house to apologize. No one told him to. He didn’t go thinking Nancy would be there and his apology would help him save face with her. He went just to tell Jonathan he knew he was wrong and to say he was sorry. Do you know how few adults are even willing to do shit like that? Being able to admit you are wrong is a really hard thing to do, and Steve did it without being prompted. That is amazing growth!! His bathroom talk with Robin is another sign of growth, showing he can overcome his previous bigoted views and come to love and support his lesbian bestie. He also handles his rejection by both Nancy and Robin very well. He’s hurt when Nancy calls their relationship and he himself bullshit, but after he’s had time to calm down and see Nancy and Jonathan together his behaviour is incredibly mature and understanding. Neither of these traits would I associate with s1 Steve.

As for Robin and Steve not being friends, most of their arguments revolve around them not being friends in high school, the fact they give each other flak and snark constantly, and how different they are as people. Fuck that too. Not being friends in high school means nothing. They didn’t move in the same social circles, and for most of his schooling Steve was wearing the popular boy star athlete mask to hide his real feelings. And yeah, their banter can get mean and personal at times. That happens. My friends and I tease each other all the time, that’s a part of building a relationship. Their arguments in both cases are just super weak. They need to actually pay attention and analyze things better if they plan on making articles about characters and their relationships and development.

Here’s the link to the “Steve hasn’t grown page” if you’re curious:

[vsullivan]

Lucky 7 | Steve Harrington x Reader – pt. 5

This chapter is a little shorter than the others, sorry about that! I’ll probably start typing up chapter 6 at work and maybe getting it out tonight! Also, I hope you guys don’t mind me essentially rewriting season 3. I hadn’t intended on changing so much, but I guess my mind wanders too much! I promise that it’ll still have the same general outcome though. And again, be prepared for me to never stop mentioning this, but thank you so so so so so so much for reading. Every like, comment, and reblog means the absolute world to me.

Seven usually wasn’t one to seek trouble - but something urged her to follow the girl’s to Billy’s home. There was something in his eyes that made her sick to her stomach. It was like deja vu. She didn’t want to jump to conclusions, but the last time she’d had that same sinking feeling was when she looked into the eyes of Will Byers when he was being controlled by the mind flayer. She didn’t mention these thoughts to the girls, although she had a feeling they were already thinking the same thing.

Chapter 5: Worry Not, My Dear Friend

Seven usually wasn’t one to seek trouble - but something urged her to follow the girl’s to Billy’s home. There was something in his eyes that made her sick to her stomach. It was like deja vu. She didn’t want to jump to conclusions, but the last time she’d had that same sinking feeling was when she looked into the eyes of Will Byers when he was being controlled by the mind flayer. She didn’t mention these thoughts to the girls, although she had a feeling they were already thinking the same thing.

 There wasn’t much discourse on the way to Billy’s home, the three too nervous jinx anything. Once they’d arrived, Max peered into one of the windows. Waving her hand towards Seven and El, who stood awkwardly a few feet away.

 They quickly joined Max on the porch, and Seven stopped to look between the two girls. Without moving her mouth she told individually ‘We need to be careful, if that vision was true - I don’t know how he’d respond to us sneaking into his house.’

 They nodded in agreement, Seven wiping the blood from her nose as she watch El unlock the door from the inside. Silently, they entered, a rush of cold air embracing them as they walked in - nonof them giving it a second thought considering it was normal to have the AC on blast during the summer. However, no one thought to take a look at at thermometer, which if they had, read a daunting 59 degrees - and still declining.

 Gazing around, nothing immediately looked out of place, but they continued their search.

 Seven made sure that the younger girls remained within reaching distance, but she continued her own scan of the room until she’d noticed a picture frame placed on a side-table. Seven didn’t know why she felt the need to walk over to it, nor why she found herself taking it in her hands. It was just a photo of a woman, one with a sweet smile adorning an aging face as she posed for the camera.

 Seven had never really taken the time to look at photographs before. She usually only glances at them when she visits’ others’ home, worrying that it might be creepy if she went through to examine each one. Hopper didn’t have anything like them at his home, so she really didn’t know what kind of etiquette was acquainted with it. But this time, the owner of this home was not present to make any judgements.

 There was an ocean in the background, but the face took up most of the frame. Seven noticed how the woman had such a beautiful pair of baby blue eyes - ones not that different from the pair that had stared her down from within a car two months prior. Was this woman Billy’s mother?

 Seven looked at her again. She found herself bringing the photo closer to her face, focusing on the eyes once more. She didn’t know why she began searching, why on earth she was drawn to this woman’s eyes...

 Suddenly, she felt the rope in her hands. But this was a picture? Feeling an overwhelming sense of curiosity, she tugged herself into the darkness as she would if the woman was standing right in front of her.

 Seven then found herself standing alone, the familiar black abyss surrounding her until a flood of light poured in. However, unlike any other she had seen, the string of light was short - not stretched out to the point where it looked like it went on for infinity.

 When the light spiraled around her, the call of seagulls could be heard, alongside the sound of ocean waves as they crash into the shore.

 The air tasted like salt, the wind blowing Seven’s hair around. She felt a smile on her lips as she faced a camera. After the camera shuttered, she looked past the lense to see a boy, likely a good couple years younger than Eleven.

 He laughed as he swiped the photo from the device, waving it around as he began singing “Perfect, Perfect!” Seven found her smile widening as the woman’s had in this memory, the feeling of adoration and love filled her senses too. Seven loved when she came upon sweet memories as these, it made having to settle herself in a stranger’s body more bearable.

 Then, her lips began moving as the woman started singing her son a lovely tune. Grasping his hand, she took him on a stroll down the beach.

 ‘Love I get so lost, sometimes - days pass and this emptiness fills my heart’ the boy joined in, squeezing his mother’s hand as they started skipping along the shoreline.

 ‘But whichever way I go, I come back to the the place you are...”

 Their voices faded away as the stream of light came to its end. In the blink of an eye, Seven found herself staring at the picture frame again, into the eyes of the same woman who’s memories she just experienced. That song... she’s heard it before.

 Looking around, she saw Max and El looking at her expectantly. They could tell something just happened by the blood dripping from Seven’s nose. She then put the picture back in the same position as she found it, telling the girls she’d fill them in on what just occurred after they get out of there. They nodded reluctantly, following after Seven as she guided them into the other rooms.

 Nothing seemed amiss in Billy’s bedroom, although Seven did have to shush the girls as they both hissed out ‘ewww’ when they saw a poster of a woman in a bright red bikini hanging on his wall.

 After checking out the kitchen, the only space left to search was the bathroom. They remained cautious as they neared said room, Seven popping her head in before letting anyone step inside. Seeing it was clear, she let the girls slide around her and into the room - noticing it was significantly colder in there compared to the rest of the home.

 Eleven and Max gasped simultaneously, igniting Seven’s sense of fight or flight. Quickly, she stepped forward and her eyes followed their gazes to the bathtub. Taking another step, she leaned forward to see what had shaken them-

 The tub was full of ice.

 “This is bad, oh man.” Max started, her hands bunching into her hair as panic began to overtake her. Seven quickly turned, taking Max’s arms from above her head to set them at her sides.

 “It’s okay, this doesn’t mean it’s-it’s” Max made a face. “The Mind Flayer.” She finished Seven’s sentence.

 Seven sighed, her hands leaving the redhead’s forearms before she placed them on her shoulders instead. “We’ll figure it out.” She managed to smile. “It’s not over yet.” Seven added, feeling the tenseness in Max’s shoulders lessen as she reassured her.

 “You’re right,” the younger teen sighed. “But what now?” Seven turned to El, who’d been silent until she finally spoke “I’ll find him.”

 They’d gone to Billy’s living room, setting his tv to static so Eleven could work her magic. Removing the bandana from around her eyes, El stared back at the other girls. “Heather.” The two looked to each other before turning back to El.

 “Who?”

“Do you really think she’s all right?” Steve spoke, his eyes on the road but Seven on his mind. “Who? Seven? Oh yeah, she’s fine.” Dustin quipped, gathering his supplies together and placing them back in his bag. “You should have seen how she held back the Mind Flayer.” He added, still shuffling around in his sear.

 “I didn’t see it either, but Jonathan said her whole head turned real veiny, blood gushing out of both her nose holes while they were forcing that thing out of Will!” Steve grimaced, but Dustin continued with a voice way too cheerful for the words he was spewing out. “She wouldn’t really talk about it, but she said she saw the Mind Flayer, and it was scariest shit she’d ever-“

 “Okay, okay, I get it.” Steve cut him off, not wanting to hear anymore of how his crush had to endure something like that. “Oh, don’t be such a wussy, Steve!”

 “She helped save Will from that weird demon thing, meaning she’s more than capable of getting El through whatever girl stuff going on.” He added, throwing his hands up in the air, irritated at how pessimistic his friend was being.

 “Yeah.” Steve sighed, discontented. “I guess so.” Realizing his older friend’s moodiness wasn’t going away anytime soon, Dustin rolled his eyes, quickly trying to find something to his distract him from Seven.

 “Hey, why don’t we stop by your house for a second?” He said, Steve threw him a questioning look before settling his eyes back on the road. “For what?”

“I don’t know, supplies? We don’t know how long we’ll be at the mall and I don’t have any money to buy Chinese food!” Dustin heard a sigh, watching how his chauffer turned into a residential driveway, using it to back up and get back on the road in the opposite direction they’d been riding previously.

“Fine, fine. But make it quick.”

-         

ALSO I AM SO DUMB AND LOOKED UP SONGS FROM THE 80′S AND KNEW THIS SONG WAS PERFECT BUT BILLY WAS BORN IN 1967 OMFG CAN WE PLEASE PRETEND IM NOT STUPID LOL its too late to change it, i just now realized this AS IM FORMATTING THE TUMBLR POST 

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 6

Tag list: (feel free to let me know if you want me to tag you or take you off!)

@a-girl-who-loves-disney @-thatgirloverthere- @truthdaze @grippleback-galaxy  <33

[spectraling]

My problems with S3

Salty rant in no particular order below the cut

What the HELL happened to the Byers? They went from being the emotional heart of the show to literally having one brief scene together in ep1 and then Will and Joyce had a hug by the end of ep8, which btw Jonathan DIDN’T EVEN JOIN IN ON??? He was literally in the background in that scene, are you trying to tell me my boy Jonathan Byers would not come out to hug his family after all that shit they just went through???? Jonathan and Will spent like what, four episodes standing next to each other and they barely even exchanged a single line?? Not a comforting touch, a hug, anything??

The Byers’ financial situation and how that could’ve given them some interaction, weight to Joyce’s desire to move and also the Byers talking about that AT ALL was lying right there for the taking. Joyce and Jonathan both had obvious concerns about losing their jobs

Joyce got to spend time doing something else than worrying about Will this season which was nice (instead running after manchild Hopper, great), but where are the repercussions of that? With the growing up theme I was hoping for Joyce to start to look into herself, about letting go and who she is when she’s not a mom

Jonathan was once again reduced to being Nancy’s sidekick, spending most of his time following her around and standing next to her while she drove the plot forward with a vengeance. He spent most of his time in the beginning being an abrasive grump and his pov was barely there with the lack of Byers fam content, which made his argument seem as weak as it did in s2. His scenes with Nancy hit the ground running, were rushed and few and far between. As soon as Jonathan was not by Nancy’s side he disappeared entirely from the plot until she called on him again. He didn’t have one single scene without her

Nancy Wheeler would never, ever stoop so low as to mock Jonathan for a) his socioeconomic position and b) his trauma with his dad. A super ooc low blow. Nancy can obviously be ignorant about how economical strife affects others, but actively mocking him??? This is not the Nancy that approached Jonathan “the freak” in s1 and expressed her concerns despite the entire school side-eyeing her. At least Jonathan got to sass back at her later

Where was Nancy’s backstory that was hinted at before the season? Was hoping for her to get some development OUTSIDE of her rallying to save the world 24/7

Will starts out the season having a semblance of an interesting, very relatable arc (abandonment issues, afraid of growing up, done with The Straights) that then goes nowhere in lieu of The Plot and Will just... doesn’t have a lot of beef with the MF. This thing and the other monsters of the UD fucked him for life, let him have something badass to do like I dunno, give him powers you cowards, let him fight the MF you cowards

Also let Will talk to his family about his issues, or have it be a point that Jonathan is now busy with Nancy and how he misses him. Jonathan being somewhat conflicted about spending all this time outside his family and the potential guilt and effect that has on him. Will destroyed Castle Byers that he and Jonathan built together, where the hell were my brotherly feels???

There was a lot of talk about “new pairings” with the characters, but everything felt very same-y. Jopper goes off on their own, jancy does the same thing, El and Mike have a ton of screentime devoted to just them, Steve and Dustin amped up their bromance to eleven, etc. Even when characters that usually aren’t grouped together were in the same scenes, they barely got anything to say or do (Lucas being said to “become closer with Jancy” was a flat out lie or referred to literally physically standing next to them). Where was Nancy and Joyce solidarity, El and Will siblings, Mike and Nancy bonding over their family falling apart, Jonathan and literally anyone but Nancy?

Villain focus completely shifted from the US government to the spoopy, evil Russians with their spoopy language. Stereotypical, tacky and bland af. Being American is Great and in no way problematic! Go patriotism/capitalism!

The abundance of action and cgi. Omg all of the action sequences. It felt like 70% of the season was spent on El throwing shit around with her powers and Hopper fighting Russian dudes. I remember being halfway through the season and thinking they really should’ve slowed down the plot. But that’s an issue with too little time for too many characters. I had no time to bond with any of the characters I liked since the plots were So Big and So Many that they ate up every opportunity for emotional intimacy and reflection. We had time for a goddamn ad for coke but not for the Byers to interact like once???

Also the whole infection/MF working in the shadows thing? Completely wasted potential. It was set up to induce paranoia in the characters and the MF tricking, playing with and torturing them, people not knowing who to trust which could’ve lead to some really compelling scenes. Nope, it’s just a big meaty version of the MF and now it’s running around town trying to fuck El up while nobody conveniently notices and tons of people died but who cares

Robin was shoehorned into the plot and magically had all the skills it took to figure out the code, could decipher Russian with no previous knowledge (the languages she listed as knowing are not at all related to Russian and why tf does she know so many languages??). At least she slapped Stobin in the face and gave us some actual LGBT rep since the doofuses are hellbent on beating around the bush with Will infinitely

Erica was 100% SASS and nothing else. It got old really quick

The entire plotline with Steve/Dustin/Erica/Robin took up about 60% of screentime with memes and sassy jokes and provided about 5% of relevance in the grand scheme of the plot. Everything they found out in the Russian facility could’ve been relayed by the Russian guy Jopper kidnapped

Which btw, why did a random Russian dude take up that much screentime? He had way more emotional development than 80% of the core cast. Also did we need that much Murray?

Speaking of, I did not need Murray doing his creepy, invasive psycho analysis thing on Jopper like he did Jancy last season. It was terrible and lazy writing then and it’s terrible and lazy now

Steve complaining about popularity “not being that great really” made me want to punch him in the face even more than usual. Nobody gives two shits about a rich white boy who got everything he pointed at, all the popularity and more girls than he could count at school while stomping on the outcasts

Also didn’t need that jab at Nancy in his heartfelt scene with Robin (which was funny bc Robin has a lot of similar traits to Nancy)

Karen and Billy was gross, but at least Karen stopped herself to go back to her unfulfilling but legally sound marriage. No need to rock that boat unnecessarily! A completely mediocre man is just fine for her I guess. At least she got a kickass scene with Nancy

Why in the fucking world did Billy get as much screentime as he did. Why on earth did this asshat, racist abuser get some bs sob story about his awful childhood when we have 47 other, way more sympathetic and interesting characters that could’ve been explored instead. And then he did some stupid “grand heroic sacrifice”. I cried more when the Russian dude died

Max was a victim of Billy’s abuse for years which was completely undermined by her ooc constant concern for him and overblown grief at his death

El being oh so concerned about Billy when she knew he was the asshole who had abused his friends Max and Lucas (and beat up Steve) before felt really insincere

Hopper was a huge, loud, violent jerk this season and I’m not having it. I felt sorry for Joyce having to put up with him and then he presumably died heroically (??? he’s obviously still alive guys) and I...didn’t really care? Was kind of on the Jopper train but have no hopes for it now. Where was their supposed “history” together that was hinted at before the season? It just felt like Hopper constantly acting like a huge, controlling manchild and Joyce having to pep/comfort/discipline him. No sense of back and forth support

What the fuck was that music number with Dustin and Suzie?? Omg cringe. I could feel how the characters all died inside

On the subject of music, they stole Jancy’s theme song and gave it to Steve and Robin and then Mileven. Mileven also stole Jancy’s “I love you”, which was clearly hinted from the name of the song on the soundtrack titled “The first I love you”, which is literally a rehash of their theme “The first lie” in s2. A huge slap in the face to end the season with

[hello-justawriterofthings]

A Rocky Thanksgiving - Billy Hargrove

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Hi Everyone, I'm back ( Even though I haven't been gone very long ). I hope you all have been well, I had a spark of inspiration with the Holidays coming up and since I love some Angst, I wanted to make it an angsty Holiday season. Christmas is coming next, with Steve, so be ready. I hope everyone enjoys and I hope you all have an amazing Day! [ Warnings : Angst, Language and I'm sorry if there are any die hard Nancy fans that read this. { Y/N = Your Name }

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[ Past ] 

Billy and I went to Hawkins high together and damn, was it hard to deal with sometimes. His attitude was annoying, he thought he was a hot piece of shit, because every girl in school wanted him between their legs. I was to busy to pay him any attention, I was basically taking care of my younger brother because my parents worked their butts off to support our family. When they weren't working, I was. Working at the local pizza place, waiting tables. Only taking home tips and saving up, so I could make something of my life. The first interaction I had with Billy, was when I was at work. He came in with his friends and some girl from school, I didn't know the name of, nor did I care. I didn't want to wait on them, but since we were understaffed, I had no choice. They ordered a few slices, sodas and that was that. Or at least, that's what I thought. While they ate, I cleaned up a table near by. Secretly listening to their conversation, Tommy offered Billy $20 to get the waitresses ( Me ) number. I chuckled to myself, knowing how things were going to turn out. So, when I returned to their table. Billy  started off with the charm, sending me a flirty smile and a wink, which I returned, adding to the game. Once he put out the whole " Can I get your number, so we can hangout later " line, it was game over. " I don't think so, I'm worth much more than $20 " I stated with a smirk, collecting the bill ad then walking away. Hearing Tommy laugh loudly and Billy scoff. I knew he wasn't going to let this go, I was the first girl who turned down, he was gong to be on a mission now.

School started to get harder and having Billy constantly on my ass now, was even worse. He was always around my locker, following me to my classes, trying to find a way into my life. He offered me rides home after school, which I turned down. He spent more time in the library, hanging around me. I started to open up to him more, but still kept my distance. He still hung out with Tommy and Carol, but ignored every girl that shook their ass his way. He and I became close, so close that he started inviting me to parties and never left my side. I don't even know how it happened honestly. He'd hangout with my brother and I after school, drove me to school and work. On one Wednesday afternoon, I was exchanging books from my locker, when an ex friend of mine approached me. " Are you really dating Billy? " Nancy asked with a brow raised, I only shrugged because I didn't want to talk to her. She scoffed " Well, good luck with that... He's going nowhere in life and I thought of all people, you would be smart enough not to get involved with him. I guess you're just desperate ", I closed my locker " At least I'm not a dick hopper... Only started dating Steve because he was popular, then quickly moved onto Jonathan... ". " You don't know what happened! " she stated, " And I don't care, just leave me alone and keep your damn opinions to yourself Wheeler! " I spat while walking away. Billy quickly walked up behind me, draping his arm over my shoulder " What was that about? ". I shrugged " Nothing important, are you still coming over tonight? ", he nodded " Are you still going to make me watch Back to the Future? ". I chuckled " Absolutely ", And I'm sure you can see where it went from there. 

A couple of months went by before there was a first kiss between Billy and I exchanged. We were out one day, just driving around. We were closer now then we were back then and my feelings were growing stronger for him by the day and not in a ' Friends ' way either. We parked by a small beach, watching the sunset. That's when he suddenly placed his lips on mine, it took me off guard at first, but didn't take long for me to realize what was going on. The little make out session lasted for a while, but that's all that happened that night. When he dropped me off afterwards, he really didn't speak of it, we said our goodbyes and that was how the day ended for me. The rest of the week went on as normal, other than the kisses in secret between Billy and I. Things ended up going further about a month later, when he and I were in my house, alone. I was ready for it and I definitely enjoyed, it eased the sexual tension between us. And it continued... We never really spoke about being in a relationship, nor did we we need to. I figured he may have feelings for me and I felt the same, as long as we were together, we didn't need to define things titles. That's where we are now, this is when the real story starts...

[ Now ]

Closer came the Holidays. First Halloween, where Billy and I attended a costume party. A week after, my mom instructed me to invite Billy to our Family's Yearly get together. And even though I didn't want to put him through the torture of listening to my Aunt Sam talk about her 12 cats, even though she brought most of them along. My Uncle Pete always got drunk and started a fight with someone, his Wife Shirley was always trying to take care of their three pudgy children, who were spoiled brats. The only family members I ever looked forward to seeing, was my grandparents. Who loved to slip me 5 dollars and let know know I was their favorite Grandchild. They weren't rude, nor judgmental. On a Saturday night, I had invited him and he agree'd, that is until Sunday came around. 

Billy and I were on our way to yet another party, I was quiet, just wondering about things. My parents had already alerted the family that ' Y/N's boyfriend was coming '. Hell, my parents and brother loved Billy, no doubt about that. What I did doubt was the whole ' Boyfriend ' thing, he wasn't my boyfriend, was he?." What's up babe? " he questioned out of the blue, " Just thinking " I stated because I didn't really want to bring this up now. " Thinking about what? " he then asked, I groaned deeply while shaking my head. Billy placed his hand on mine " C'mon Y/N, tell me ", I sighed deeply " I was just thinking about us ". " What about it? " he asked while retracting his hand and started drumming on the steering wheel again, I didn't know how to say it, so I paused for a few seconds. " What are we Billy? " I just spat out, probably extra loud. He thought for a few seconds, just as we pulled up to the party spot. " We're friends Y/N " he stated seriously, I sighed deeply.  Let down, would be the emotion I was feeling. " I don't date Y/N... I thought you knew that, I was actually meeting someone tonight. Don't ruin it for me " he stated rudely as he got out of the car, slamming the door after. Reminded me of the old Billy. I followed, but kept my distance from him. I didn't want to be at this party, I didn't want to be around these people. I felt used and embarrassed, I was stupid to think that he and I could ever be anything other than fuck buddies. I stood outside, trying to stop myself from shedding one single tear. Moments later, I heard someone approach me and I was a little nervous as to who it was. " Y/N, you okay? " I heard Steve ask, I shrugged not knowing what to say. " Want me to drive you home? " he asked as if he just knew, which caused me to nod. So, I followed Steve to his car and climbed in.  I guess this was the end of anything Billy and I had, which according to him was nothing.

Monday arrived earlier than I had hoped, I spent all Sunday in my room, only leaving to get food and let my parents know I was still around. I walked to school, even though the weather had changed and was now very chilly, the leaves had changed colors and had fallen off the tree's. It wasn't anything I couldn't handle though. I walked slowly to my locker, noticing a note fall out, as soon as it was opened. The first trash can I saw, I threw it away. I avoided any conversations with anyone, Billy was also ignoring my presence as well. Like an eye for an eye, if you're going to ignore me, then I'm ignoring you back. The week went on like that, until it was the day before the break. That's when the silence got to him, apparently he could take it any longer. He approached me in the hall, trying to act like everything was normal, but clearly everything was nowhere near normal anymore. I still kept my mouth shut, because I was great at ignoring people, but it just annoyed him more. " Stop ignoring me Y/N, Why can't we just go back to normal? " he asked with a slight scoff, I slammed my locker " Because things aren't normal anymore for me, I have feelings for you. Which you obviously don't return, so I need to move on. Leave me alone and go back to fucking random girls and I'll go back to pretending you don't exist ". I then made my way down the hall, feeling good about my words. I'd get through this, in the end. After school, I went straight to work. Not my usually spunky self, I was actually polite for a change. Mainly, I just wanted to go home. I think my boss realized that too, because he let me leave two hours early. I ended up walking home, which wasn't to far away, I ignored my parents as soon as I entered the house. Mom was cleaning up dinner dishes, dad was in the family room, TV on and newspaper in hand. I ran up to my bedroom, throwing my things down and changing my clothes. Then i made my way downstairs grabbing some food that had been prepared for dinner. " Billy's called, a few times in fact " my mom stated as she stood at the sink. " Don't care " I sighed stuffing my face, so I could get away from this conversation. " Oh sweetie, tell me you didn't break up.  The relatives were so excited to meet him " she stated with a sigh, I shrugged slightly, not ready to tell her the truth yet. " Not a big deal mom, just had a fight " I stated honestly, she nodded but didn't say anything further, she must've sensed that I didn't want to talk about this any longer. And once I finished Dinner, I went upstairs ans started on my homework. If I got it done now, I wouldn't have to worry about it later in the school break. 

The morning of Thanksgiving, I slept in. It was very overdue. I woke up at noon that day, after being bothered by my younger brother and cousin, charging into the room, pretending to storm the castle. Two little knights, waking a sleeping dragon. I pushed them out of the room, before slamming and locking my bedroom door. I could already hear Aunt Shirley trying to tell my mom how to cook the turkey right and Uncle Pete, who was already shouting at the TV. Today was going to be a long day. I jumped into the shower, then put on some makeup, before doing my hair. I didn't know why I was putting so much effort into my look, I was just spending time with family. Then I got dressed and made my way downstairs, into the kitchen. " Y/N! There's my beautiful girl " My grandmother yelled as she pulled me into a hug, " About time she got her lazy ass up " my oldest ( and most disliked ) cousin Juliana scoffed as she shoved chocolate into her mouth. " Hey Jul's, still obsessed with food I see " I stated with a smile, a scowl growing on her face, before she stomped into the living room. I sighed deeply, hugging my grandma once more. Then I hugged my Aunt Shirley, it wasn't her fault her kids were horrid. " I'm excited to meet your boyfriend tonight, what's his name again? " Aunt Shirley asked, I sighed deeply while sitting down on a bar stool. " His name's Billy and I don't think he's going to make it " I stated honestly, " Aw, honey why not? " my mom gasped. I shrugged " Family things ", my mom nodded, but I know my grandma knew better. She grabbed me by the arm and pulled me outside, away from everyone, towards the patio swing. Once we got settled, she smiled sweetly at me " Now, tell me what's really going on with this boy ". I sighed deeply " I can't, I'm embarrassed ", she laughed slightly " Sweetheart, you know yo can tell me anything ". I nodded, but still kept my mouth closed. " Okay, well if you're not going to talk, I will. Did I ever tell you that your dad almost wasn't your dad " she asked, knowing what it was going to cause. Her storied were always over an hour long and all of her grand kids were impatient ( Including me ), so now she uses that to her advantage. " No, I'll tell you " I sighed deeply, " He's not my boyfriend, never was... It's stupid, I haven't even known him that long, but I already fell for him. I spent a lot of time with him, he was over a lot and mom just assumed we were dating ". She nodded " So then, what's the problem? ", " He doesn't feel the same, he's a playboy. Only uses girls for one thing and I just got caught up in it, thought I was different. Thought I could change him, but I should've known better... He doesn't do relationships and I need to accept that, need to move on now " I stated honestly. " Y/N " she sighed pulling me into a hug, " No, it's alright. I'll get over it and I'll know better if this ever happens again " I smiled. " You are a strong girl, but I'm sure that boy will regret his decision soon enough. You're a gem Y/N " she stated, I rolled my eyes " You're only saying that because I'm your grand kid " . She scoffed slightly " You're my favorite Grand kid, but I'm telling the truth. And one day, I'll tell you about a similar situation I went through when I was your age ", I groaned deeply while standing up and helping her up as well. " Don't tell mom about this, you know how she is " I stated, " Over dramatic, yeah she was like that as a kid too. Took after her father. Don't worry, your secret's safe with me " she smiled pressing a kiss to the side of my head as we entered the house once more.

Around 5pm, the whole family was sat down at the table, ready to stuff our faces. We said our Thanks and then quickly dug in, but not before there was a knock on the front door. My dad sighed deeply while standing up and walking to it, everyone continued eating, drinking and talking obnoxiously loud. Dad returned seconds later, " Y/N, it's for you " he taking his seat once more. I looked at him confused " Who is it? ", I only got a shrug in response. So, it was now my time to sigh deeply and stand up. Making my way slowly towards the door and saw the blonde standing there, with that damn smile on his face, I wanted to slam the door in his face ( But, I didn't ). " What the hell are you doing here? " I questioned as I stepped out onto the porch, I also took Billy's appearance in. He had his normal jeans and jean jacket combo on. A white button up shirt, that he never knew how to button all the way up. Also had a tie hanging loosely around his neck, he looked all dolled up. " Well, I was invited " he stated with a sigh, I ran my hand through my hair " I figured you were smart enough to realize that with us not talking, the invitation was revoked ". " You're the one not speaking to me " he smirked, causing me to roll my eyes " Because I'm pissed  off at you ". He sighed deeply " You're only mad at me because of something I'm not ready to give ", " I don't even know why I'm talking to you, go home Billy and don't come back " I stated sternly. I then started stepping towards the door, to make my way back inside. He stopped me though " Y/N, why can't we just go back to the way things were? Why complicate things by attaching titles on us? ", " Because I don't want to be fuck buddies! I don't  want to be doing things with yo and then you go fuck other girls... That's how diseases are spread and I won't stand for that, not with the feelings I have for you. I'm trying to move on, if you don't feel the same, let me move on " I stated honestly.  " I wasn't seeing anyone behind your back Y/N, you were the only one I have been fucking lately " he smirked again, " Then why did you say you were  meeting someone at the party we went to " I asked. " I was angry at the time, but I didn't meet anyone. I actually left 20 minutes after you did, I was going to come by, but because you left with Steve, I was even more angry "  he sighed, " All he did was drive me home, so I could cry over your dumb ass " I the muttered. Things went quiet for a minute, even though it wasn't totally quiet, because I could hear my Uncle Pete shouting at one of his kids inside. I could also tell that Billy was thinking, trying to think of what to say next. " I don't want you to move on with out me, I miss you " he then stated quietly, " What? " I asked shocked. " Don't make me say it again " he stated, I cracked a small smile. " I'm not saying that I'm willing to be in a relationship yet, but I can promise that it'll just be you and I. No other girls, no more bullshit. No titles, yet. You and I " he stated with a hopeful look, " And your sure you weren't screwing around with anyone else " I asked again. He smirked" Trust me, once I got a piece of you. No one could ever compare ", I rolled my eyes while grabbing his hand. " Come on, let's go feed you to the wolves " I stated while pulling him int my house, him sighing deeply behind me. 

I pulled him into the dining room, hoping we could pass my family without any drama,  but I should've known better. Eyes were on us as soon as we entered, my grandmother was wearing a large smile. " Who the fuck is he supposed to be? " Uncle Pete spat through a drunken haze, pointing his finger at Billy. " I'm her boyfriend, who are you supposed to be? " Billy asked with an eyebrow raised, I furrowed my brows at that boyfriend word. " He has an attitude and I like him! " Uncle Pete then stated with a chuckle, " Y/N, take him into the kitchen. Billy get yourself some food, relax, I'm glad you could make it " my mother stated with a smile. Billy nodded while returning the smile, I pulled him into the kitchen with me. 

He and I stood in the kitchen, he was scooping different foods onto an over sized plate. " What's with the boyfriend word, you literally just said you didn't want titles " I asked with a smirk on my face, he sighed deeply " Yeah, so? " . " So, What changed within a few minutes? " I then asked, he shrugged his shoulders " Just thought, it wouldn't be that horrible if I were to be in a relationship. I like you a lot and I guess I'm willing to try for someone like you ". I smiled " You need to make up your mind boy! I don't want to force you into anything ", he laughed softly " I know and you're not forcing me into doing anything, so do you wanna be my girlfriend? ". " I don’t know, you put me through some shit and Steve's been looking good lately " I chuckled, causing him to roll his eyes " Y/N ". " I'd love to be your girl " I stated, he put his plate down and pulled me into a tight hug. " My girl, it has a nice ring to it " he sighed, making me smile as I watched him pick his plate back up. " Y/N, bring that extremely handsome boy back in here! " My Aunt Sam shouted, " Oh god " I mumbled. My Aunt Sam was single and ready to talk about her 12 cats with an attractive young man. He chuckled walking into the dining room, I sighed as I followed. 

The rest of the night went along okay, considering the fact that my family members were crazy at times. We ate a lot of food, talked about the most random things. Uncle Pete, Aunt Shirley and my Father all got in a fight. Which resulted in them to walk out, taking their three kids with them. As long as I didn't need to deal with Juliana anymore, because I could only deal with her attitude for so long. Things were okay between Billy and I, that's all I knew for now. I didn't know what was going to happen in the future, but what I did know, was that Thanksgiving was coming ti a close and Christmas was approaching Fast... Oh Dear... 

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Thank you all so much for Reading, I hope everyone Enjoyed. This is my first Holiday piece and when I first started it, I planned for it to be a completely different story, but I'm so happy with how it turned out! You're all so Amazing and Thank You again for Reading <3<3

[sulietsexual]

Its been a while since I asked you meta related things so I just had a random idea - top 5 characters which you just dont understand, top 5 ch which are well writen but you cant connect or like, top 5 ch storylines you would like to alter, top 5 traits of your disliked chracters that you like, top 5 traits of your loved characters you dislike, top 5 ways your disliked characters contributed to the main storyline that youre fine with. For males and females separately so theres room for thought :)

Top 5 Characters I Don’t Understand

Male

Wesley Wyndam Pryce - okay, so this is only from mid-Season 3 onward, but I cannot fathom Wesley’s actions in stealing Connor, consulting with Holtz and doubting/not believing in Angel to the point where he didn’t realise that Angel would do everything in his power to protect Connor. Then his self-righteous attitude post-kidnap is appalling, the fact that he acts like the wronged party and refuses to acknowledge his own wrongdoings and never apologises for his actions all drive me crazy. Just can’t.

Luke Danes, I mean, buddy, pull it together. You say you want Lorelai, yet never make a move and then bitch about her boyfriends and act like a jerk. You say you’re “all in” and then you run at the first sign of trouble and make Lorelai feel like she did something wrong. You tell Lorelai you want her to be honest with you and then you hide your daughter from her for two freakin’ months. You say you want to spend your life with her, yet you shut her out of it. Like, wtf??

Fitzgerald Thomas Grant III, omg, why is he such an abusive asshole? Why does he treat every woman he’s with like crap? Why does he treat Mellie as if she’s insignificant and stupid? Why does he act entitled to everyone’s time and affections? Why does he continually try to give up the most powerful position in America? Why doesn’t he have any ambition? Why does he resent anyone who does??? I don’t understand.

John Winchester. Dude’s always going on about how he “did the best that he could”. Nope. The best he could would have been to raise his boys in a stable freakin’ environment, not push adult responsibility onto his eldest, not treat his youngest like an outcast/freak for wanting a better life and actually being an adult and being there for his boys. How does he justify the way he treated his sons? Don’t get it.

Finn Collins. Dude, you cheat on your girlfriend, neglect to tell the girl you’re cheating with that you even have a girlfriend, don’t tell your girlfriend you cheated on her and expect both girls to still want you? Plus the whole massacring eighteen unarmed people and then ignoring their bodies as the girl you want walks in horrified and look at her as if she’ll love you for your actions? Yikes.

Female

Lorelai Gilmore, she constantly puts her mother down for her privilege and sense of entitlement, yet displays the exact same behaviour. She rejected Chris, then bitches about how he “wasn’t ready”. She thinks all her behaviour is cute but it’s actually really annoying. And she honestly seems to believe that her parents were the absolute worst parents in the world, when it reality they were really good to her and always try to be a part of her life. Pull it together, woman!

Octavia Blake, why does she blame her brother for everything? Why is her solution always violence? Why does she proudly cannibalize people? Why does she think she knows more about a culture she’s been a part of for two seconds than the people actually raised in said culture? 

Nancy Wheeler. Why does she want Jonathan so badly? Why does she screw over Steve? What makes her neglect her brother and run off with the guy she just banged? Why doesn’t she think through the consequences of her actions? Why did she offer her brother zero comfort when his friend “died”? What made her think it was okay to chase down Jonathan while he was picking out a coffin for his brother’s funeral to talk about Barb? Girl drives me bonkers.

Joey Potter, so many of her actions make no sense. She pines after Dawson for years and then breaks up with him for literally no reason. She blames him for telling her the truth about her father, after repeatedly saying they need to be honest with one another. She can’t decide between two guys for years. She constantly rejects Pacey yet picks him in the end. She believes she’s entitled to be a bitch to people just because she’s had a tough life.

Aria Montgomery, if your creepy-ass relationship really so important to you that you would lie to your friends and family, threaten your parents, risk your partner going to jail, threaten to walk out on your family and basically cease to exist outside of your boyfriend? Yikes.

Going to put the rest under the cut, otherwise we’re going to end up with a post a mile long.

Top 5 Characters Who Are Well-writen But I Can’t Connect To or Like

Male

John Locke, a great-written character who drives me up the wall with his over-zealousness and delusions of grandeur.

Spike, he really does have a great character arc and characterisation but his over-exposure and the fandom’s adulation of him drive me crazy, plus I hate how his narrative overtakes Buffy’s.

Jack Shepherd, such a great arc, such an amazing journey but his douchey behaviour and the way he treats certain characters means I just can’t like him.

Perry Cox, I find him amusing and do occasionally like him but his lack of self-awareness and overall mean attitude and sexism bugs me.

Dean Winchester, so well-written with a great arc but also abusive, violent, self-righteous, sexist and overall annoying as hell.

Female

Regina Mills, her redemption arc is sloppy but her characterisation was always strong and she’s a fantastic villain, which is why I love to hate her.

Robin Scherbatsky, very well-written with a great arc (until the finale) but I just cannot like her, probably due to her arrogance and meanness.

Rachel Green, now, I don’t hate Rachel or anything but she’s one of my least-favourite Friends characters and I’ve never been able to connect with her.

Katniss Everdeen, a great-written character whose personality I find very hard to reconcile and who I just cannot connect with.

Kate Austin, great arc, great characterisation, full of traits I can’t stand and makes choices that make me want to throttle her.

Top 5 Characters Storylines I Would Like To Alter

Male

Neal Cassidy, he was done so dirty by that damn show!

August Booth, another one screwed over by OUAT and there was so much left to explore with his character!

Dean Forrester, I really hate how much Gilmore Girls dumbled down and assassinated his character.

Boyd Langton, Dollhouse’s weird out-of-nowhere reveal that he was the bad guy completely changed his character and he didn’t deserve that.

Jake Ballard, he deserves better than being second-choice for Olivia Pope.

Female

Laurel Lance, who deserved the fucking world and got nothing, I would change so much about her storyline and eventual fate.

Mellie Grant who, like Laurel, deserved so much and got shit.

Emma Swan, who was character assassinated in order to box her into a toxic ship which decimated everything about her.

Juliet Burke, who should have lived and had a happy life and finally made it off that damn Island!

Effy Stonem, who deserved better than to be sandwiched between two guys who treated her like a prize and blamed her for their rivalry, not to mention the shitty “friends” who used her as their scapegoat.

Top 5 Traits Of My Disliked Characters That I Like (I’m not going to pick my absolute most disliked characters for this, but just 5 characters I dislike in general. Also, probably can’t come up with five for each, so I’ll go with as many as I can list).

Male

Going with Wesley again - love his intelligence, his surprising confidence when he allows himself to show it, his thirst for knowledge and his goofiness.

Spike - I like his bravado, his confidence and his loyalty.

Dean Winchester - similarly to Spike, his bravado, his loyalty and his confidence, as well as his humour and love of fun.

Luke Danes - I like that he’s good at the big gestures, I like his snark and his homebody nature.

Jess Mariano - I like intelligence, his snark and the fact that he sorts himself out later on in life.

Female

Anya Jenkins - love her work ethic and the fact that she handles money well and knows how to budget, save and invest.

Betty Cooper - she’s got gumption, I’ll give her that and she is intelligent and hardworking.

Felicity Smoak - like Betty, she’s intelligent and has gumption.

Cassie from the Animorphs series - she’s compassionate and does try to understand people, which I like.She also has a lot of empathy.

Alison DiLaurentis - she is ruthless and strategic and highly intelligent, all of which I admire, even if her actions are truly sociopathic.

Top 5 Traits Of My Loved Characters I Dislike (again, this may not reach five but I’ll do my best)

Male

Angel - his tendency to make decisions for others, his jealousy, the way he can completely cut off those he cares about.

James Ford - the way he lets his self-hatred affect others, his self-centredness, the way he can be deliberately cruel at times.

August Booth - he lies way too much, his self-hatred, his selfishness.

Neal Cassidy ………….. nope, I love Neal too much, can’t think of any traits I dislike.

Charles Gunn - the way he diminishes himself for others.

Female

Prue Halliwell - that damn pride, her self-righteousness, her judgmental streak.

Juliet Burke ……………. nope, as with Neal, love her way too much to dislike anything about her.

Lana Lang - her Mary Sue traits (this lies more on the writing of her character than her), her tendency to project her own feelings onto others.

Lilah Morgan - well, she’s an evil bitch, but you’re supposed to hate her for that, so I more hate her actions than her herself, such as when she gives Cordy the visions which almost kill her or when she sends people to drill into Lorn’s head.

Jo March - her lack of propriety at times, her judgemental streak, her refusal to adhere to convention (at times)

Top 5 Ways My Disliked Characters Contributed To The Main Storyline That I’m Fine With (I am running out of steam and not sure if I can come up with 5 males and 5 females, so gonna combine them for this last one and again might not make it to Top 5)

Alison DiLaurentis - I like her as a villain, her murder kicks off the whole series which worked well, and I liked that she works as a foil for all the girls, in particular Hanna and Mona.

Spike - love him as a villain in Season 2, love that he works as a foil for Angel in AtS Season 5, liked him stirring things up in Lovers Walk in Season 3.

Regina Mills - love her as a villain, love her as the Curse Caster, liked her dynamic with Emma, liked her as a foil for Snow and Emma.

……. I actually might be out, as usually when I hate a character it’s because of the way in which they negatively impact the storyline.

Whew, I’m knackered. Hope you enjoy my answers, even if they’re not 100% what you asked for!

[loveniaimani]

Issa GoT season 7 recap...

I just finished season 7 of Game of Thrones & I have a lot of feelings so we are going to talk about them.

Miscellaneous

Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen, First of Her Name, the Unburnt, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains, and Mother of Dragons....

Bitch, Dany knows how to make an entrance...

I get so wet every time Dany says, “Dracarys”. Dany coming in with Drogon & her Khalasar...

When I tell you, half the Dothraki men are fine as fuck & can as John Legend would say, have all of me...

The battle was beautiful. The men where fine. Dany was bad ass. Jaime tried but nah, bruh.

Missandei & Grey Worm

I love Missandei & Grey Worm. They are so pure. Their young love. She was teaching him to read & shit. Helping him be a better version of himself.  Grey Worm feeling all of these new feelings. Grey Worm is so pure & I want him protected. Like there is so much hidden emotional damage there. I love seeing him be vulnerable & learning all types of things from Missandei.

It totally slipped my mind that being Unsullied meant that Grey Worm had his penis & balls cut off as a child. So that scene when Missandei & Grey Worm were finally physically intimate, was just beautiful. He was scared for her to see him. That vulnerability, that fear, that acceptance, & young love....

But bitch, the goodbye head. Listen, Grey Worm is a fast learner. I can tell from the way Grey Worm was kissing on Missandei that from the moment he saw her naked he thought about all the ways he wanted to explore her body.

THIS 

IS 

SOME 

PRO 

SHIT!!!!

Grey Worm did that! Took me back to Jon Snow with the wildling girl talking about, “I just wanted to kiss you there.”

Brienne of Tarth

I am here for Brienne. I love her so much. I have been here for her since the beginning & I love how she literally has three men in love with her. Well, two & a half; Jaime, Tormund, & The Hound.

The Hound isn’t in love with Brienne but you can tell he admires the fuck out of her. Brienne beating his ass & leaving him near death humbled his ass. She brought his ass clarity & he now on the side of good. She changed that ass. The Hound will fuck anything up except fire & Brienne. I dead ass think he would face his brother before he face Brienne again.

I’m not even going to lie to you, I love Jaime & Brienne’s relationship. I shipped it. Brienne brings out the best in Jaime, Tyrion also but this isn’t about him right now. Brienne & Jaime make a good team & I still love them together & their mutual admiration of each other but bitch, I’m torn. I love Tormund & his crush on Brienne is beautiful & I ship it.

Let me paint a picture for you about Tormund’s love for Brienne...

Do you see how he looks at her? He is so smitten & adorable. It was love at first sight for Tormund.

The way Tormund talks about Brienne is everything.

From your mouth to God’s ears Tormund. I want big monster babies from you & Brienne to take over the world.

Even Jon sees it & ships it...

What is their ship name? I have seen Torienne &Brimund, & Trienne once or twice. Which one are we going with?

“You don’t need to choose. You’re a Greyjoy and you’re a Stark.”

I know he betrayed Robb Stark but I ALWAYS felt sympathy for Theon Greyjoy. He was never about that life. Even with taking Winterfell, he didn’t deserve what Rambitch did to him. I always want him to be better because he just makes me sad. His abuse was too much.

I’m so glad Jon forgave him & told him that he didn’t have to choose. He is a Greyjoy & a Stark. Theon needed that. He needed some peace.

Now I need him to get Yara back because I love her.

Sansa & Arya

Little Dick Finger trying to play the sisters against each other for the sake of being a bitter hater bitch. I don’t know his motivates. They might have mentioned them but I don’t really pay him much attention. All I know is Arya in the murder business & Sansa found a few of her faces. 

Sansa confused as fuck to why her sister got faces in her bag & Arya starts on this shit about how she could cut off Sansa’s face & wear the lady clothes & be a lady for a day. 

While she was talking that, all I could think of was that scene from The Silence of the Lambs. Actual footage of Arya dressed up as a lady...

Arya loves fucking with Sansa. I’m sure of it but of course she not gone kill her sister. So they talk in secret & the next time we see them, they holding court. It looks like Arya is going to be charged but then Sansa is like: “You stand accused of murder. You stand accused of treason. How do you answer these charges.............Lord Baelish?” 

Little Dick Finger didn’t see any of this happen & he was like

Little Dick Finger tried to plead his case but nah, bruh. Arya cut his throat, he dead now & he won’t be missed.

The 3rd Eyed Petty

I can’t stand Bran now. He just a messy bitch who lives for the drama. Him & his fox fur just sitting at the fucking tree, eyes on frosty the snowman white until it’s time to start some shit. Bitch, I can’t.

He hella dramatic. He was reading all of Little Dick Finger’s past crime confessions with his third eye.

Bruh & when he revealed that Jon & Dany really aunt & nephew during boat sex. I couldn’t fully enjoy the sex(like I wanted to) because Bran want to give monologue during the scene. Showing secret weddings & shit. 

The only fuck I would be willing to give is the fuck on the boat that you are ruining but telling this long ass story.

A facially challenged white haired man married a woman in secret under a tree with daffodils flowing in the wind. The End.

Bran...

He long winded than a motherfucker. Bran, we don’t go time.

Scenes from The Walking Dead

So my babies Jon Snowdaddy & Tormund(Tori) team up with Jorah, The Hound, Eye Patch kill me six times wake me up seven guy, Robert B’s bastard with the Justin Timberlake on Punk’d haircut, & about 5 extras so when someone dies, we don’t lose anyone important(I don’t know their names, sue me) to go get a snow winter is coming zombie to bring back to King’s Landing as proof that all the folks on the side of the living need to team up so they can remain alive. It was a dumb ass idea to go zombie hunting but here they are, walking, freezing...

I’m trying not to be bored with this but I am cause I know that two of my babies & two people I’m very found of, are walking into danger. I’m shivering, shook with…

So out of nowhere a dead bear come & start attacking folks to wake them up because they was having too much fun talking & walking in the snow & whatnot.

From there shit went really bad. They fight, get a snow zombie & for the blink of an eye, you think they about to go home but nah fam. It wouldn’t be a scene with Jon in it unless he had to become Ms. Sophia in the Color Purple...

There is hundreds of snow zombies walking towards them. Jon sends Robert B’s bastard with the Justin Timberlake on Punk’d haircut back to send a raven to Daenerys.

The others run towards the snow zombies and start fighting. As they are running, they hit some weak ass ice that starts to crack. What is a scene in the snow without some weak ass river ice to break?

The team stood for a moment & then was like fuck it & ran across the weak river ice. They make it to the some mini snow covered version of pride rock. The snow zombies have cracked the weak river ice & are now falling in the water.

Robert B’s bastard with the Justin Timberlake on Punk’d haircut ran his ass off. Boy just running for like 3 days in the snow & he makes it back to the gate like…

When we get back to Jon, Tori, & ‘em, The Hound(dumb ass) picks up a rock & throws it across the river. The rock hits one of the snow zombies & knocks its jawline clean off. The Hound(dumb ass) then picks up another rock & throws it. This time he misses & it hits the ice. The ice didn’t break so now the snow zombies know that they can walk across the weak river ice & get to my guys.

Me @ The Hound...

Bitch, I like you but you are so ignorant. You just had to throw a rock like you fucking 8 years old. Chill your Freddy Krueger looking head ass down, boy. This is not how we do it in-the-north.

The snow zombies run up. Jon & the guys were surrounded but they fight.

Girl, tell me why they tried to play my baby Tori? Why they come for his life? He almost got taken out twice. A bunch of snow zombies jumped on him, some tried to pull his ass into the fucking water.

Actual footage of me when the snow zombies thought they was going to take my Tori...

Jon shell shocked, everything is happening in slow motion, & in short…THEY ABOUT TO DIE.

But who comes in one second before it’s too late?

Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen, First of Her Name, the Unburnt, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains, and Mother of Dragons….

Daenerys know how to make an entrance...

Daenerys comes in with her three dragons, they setting shit on fire. Burning the dead, saving the day & whatnot. Just doing a days work. The guys hope on a dragon with Dany, well all except Jon Snow.

Actual footage of me watching Dany save the day but Jon trying to be the extra ass hero...

Jonathan Aegon Targaryen Snow Stark, MOTHERFUCKER WHAT THE FUCK? Like bitch, get on the dragon & fly away. Have you learned nothing from Mufasa during the your Lion King style trampling in the battle of the bastards?

Me @ Mufasa...

Mufasa @ Jon Snow...

While Jon is slaying snow zombies, Dany trying to wait for her bae. The dark night ice king of the dead thing is watching from up the hill as always. This motherfucker never put no real work in

The dark night ice king of the dead thing of the dead grabs a big ass icicle & threw that shit like he was in the Olympics for Iceland or some shit.

And....

The dragon of course dies. Dany is shell shocked. Jon tells the others to go before they lose another dragon. Dany reluctantly tells Drogon to go & she looking back at her bae Jon Snowdaddy the whole time.The dark night ice king of the dead thing throws another icicle but Drogon a whole G & learned how to bob & weave so he dipped out of that shit.

The celebration is short lived though because somehow, the ice breaks & Jon is taken to the white version of the sunken place.

The next time we see Jon, he somehow pulled himself up out of the water.

Jon Snow: “The devil thought he had me. Oh but I ruuuunnnn....”

Jon dragging himself up out of the water & more snow zombies come.

They are about to get him with out of the middle of the dead comes night shadow head ass uncle Benjen. Don’t get me wrong, I like uncle Benjen. I’m here for uncle Benjen saving Jon but...

Uncle Benjen spirit of Christmas past head ass always pop up in the middle of the dark, looking sickly/dead, saving the Stark children like a figment of hopeful imagination. Is the bitch real or not? How he know when to show up? Is his Stark kids in danger sense tingling? 

When it comes to uncle Benjen, #IAmWhitney... 

Uncle Benjen old Rasputin from Anastasia head ass confuse the fuck out of me.

Look at the nose, Maury. They got the same dead skin. They are the same person.

Just around the icy riverbend, the dark night ice king of the dead thing has his snow zombies pull the dead dragon out of the icy water & then he wakes the damn dragon up from the dead...

Bitch, I can’t. So on top of having an army of dead folks that include 3 dead giants, we got a dead dragon too.

Cersei was waiting for them at the door with her party city wig

Jon, Tyrion, The Hound, Missandei, Grey Worm, & dragon lady late Dany comes to King’s Landing with their army & dragons & a snow zombie to meet with the Lannisters to talk about how we gone come together and fight against the walking dead.

It’s a whole family reunion in that place. I didn’t know the big dude who guards Cersei was The Hound’s brother. He an evil bitch. I can’t wait for Drogon to light that ass up.

Tyrion ain’t been back in the city since he escaped execution & killed his father. Cersei hates him & is “Queen” now.

Cersei is Cersei. A snake ass bitch through & through. She ain’t shit & she ain’t never gone be shit. Her & that damn party city wig. She forever entitled & bitter. She hate Dany. She don’t want to help anyone. She thinks she knows it all, bitch you don’t.

Actual footage of Cersei seeing Dany for the first time, wig & all sitting…

If you say Cersei wig ain’t the dirty blonde short cut party city version of the hair in the above gif, you a lying as motherfucker.

Cersei asked Jon not to pick sides in the future battle between herself & Dany for the throne. Jon was like, I can’t make no promises because Dany got my heart & your wig bad…well not in those words but Jon basically was riding with his boo, Dany.

Cersei being the bitter, stale, crunchy wig wearing bitch that she is, then tells them that her army can’t help.

Me @  Cersei: 

I just want to talk to her…

Tyrion–have I mentioned how much I love Tyrion?–Tyrion decides to go talk to his sister because Jon claiming Dany at the function may have fucked everything up & all that snow zombie hunting could have been for nothing if they don’t have the help of all the living.

I honestly don’t remember what was said because that wig is distracting & I don’t like Cersei but Tyrion got her to come out & she offered to help against the snow zombies.

My people get going on their way & once Cersei is alone with Jaime, she admits that she was lying & that her army won’t be helping. She is going to let the dead kill all her enemies.

Me @ Cersei...

Jaime, like nah, bitch. You gave your word, we have to fight. Cersei talking about no one walks away from her & almost tries to get the big guard dude to kill her brotherlover.

Actual footage of Jaime when Cersei said he couldn’t leave & no one walks away from her...

Jaime asks is she really going to give the order & if she is, she better do it because he is going to go help.

Jaime @ Cersei & the big guard dude…

Jaime @ the big guard dude as he was walking out...

I feel like the whole meeting at King’s Landing was some bullshit. Cersei can’t take her own head out of her ass & she keep getting in everybody way. I just want her to die already. I hope she birth a puff of smoke. She need not bring nothing else into this world. We got enough demons.

“We sail together” a tale of a ship called Jonerys

Let me start this off by saying that I never read the GoT books. I don’t know if in the books Jon & Dany were a thing but bitch, from the moment these two entered into each others world, it was like...

I don’t know if it was because these two were my favorite characters from the beginning but I was excited when the finally met.

The sexual tension was there. The whole bend the knee foreplay. Jon being scared of his ugly ass stepdragonchildren. It was like these two people belonged together. I loved how they are a team.

And then there was boat sex. I have mixed feelings one the whole situation. The 3rd Eye Petty Bran kinda ruined it for me with that ugly dry ass wedding. Like y’all could have told me that information after they fucked. Not over top of it. Way to be a mood killer to find out they are aunt & nephew while they fucking.

It also felt rushed. Yes the sexual tension was there & you can see it but to just have him knock on the door & then next thing you know, they all both but ass naked over family tree history.

Speaking of family tree history, why Lyanna Stark so damn petty? How she gone name her son Aegon Targaryen when the man she was married to ALREADY had a son named Aegon Targaryen from his first marriage? Was the Aegon Targaryen dead when Lyanna was pregnant with/having Jon? Help me understand. Cause there is no reason for this type childish. Like you got the man & title, you gone try to replace the man kid by naming your son after his older brother?

Lyanna Stark bleeding out on her death bed after telling her brother Ned that her son’s name is  Aegon Targaryen....

Things I loved about boat sex: Jon licking Dany & Jon’s ass.

*in Yogurt’s voice* YOU KNOW EVERYTHING, JON SNOW!

My man knows what to do with that tongue. When he licked her, that shit was hot as fuck. It was beautiful. It was like he was licking me.

And then that ass...

It’s so perfect. Buns for days. I don’t know what Kit workout routine looking like but he need to leak that shit. I have never seen an ass like that. The muscle, crafted from God’s hands. He got one of those little football booties. Is it squats? Cornbread? collard greens? What got that ass sitting fat like that? I’m asking for a friend.

@corinnestark, @screengeniuz, @loveistheessenceoflife, @babycakesbriauna, @belindapendragon, @redrubied

[lotrewrite]

LOT Chat Summaries (Sep-Oct)

Sorry this took so long! Find below the LOT Chat Summaries for the chats held on 16 September and 1 October. Includes the song recs and fanfic/fanart etc moments we’d like to see, as mentioned in the chats :-)

Episode 1

A gifset of Kendra flying, a flashback to a sepia-toned image, and then her saying “not another flashback

Gifset of Kendra saying she dumped Carter

One with Mick and Nate, with nate realising he’s travelling on his own

Something of Nate waving his pencil in Oliver’s face and complaining about his thesis

Run Boy Run by Woodkid

Don’t Let ‘Em Grind You Down by motörhead for Nate

Dust in the Wind by Kansas for Mick

Centuries by FOB just in general

Do it like a Dude for Queen Bee

Europa - Globus should be for WWII

40s music! There’s Torched Song from the L.A. Noire soundtrack and it’s so good for Mick

You Turn Me Right Round for the Lichtenstein anomaly Hello by Adele for Coldwave

Postmodern Jukebox

for the 40s in France music, there should definitely be Le Temps des Cerises

Legendary by Welshly Arms for the rewrite in general

Welshly Arms - Legendary for the whole season 

"Look What you made me do” theme for the Legion

 Our Corner of the Universe by KS Rhoads for Team Legends

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yjiupe-odRQ Goldberg Variations

“Sexual Healing” for Queen Anne/Sara…

“House of Memories” by Panic at the Disco for 2 or 3

way to the future by kate herzig

Episode 2

Bambi

Bambi and Ray eating together

Ratigan riding bambi at one point

Bambi meeting Ratigan

Bambi in the remains of the other raptors

Ratigan standing on Bambis head, pointing one paw: ONWARDS, Waverider in the background, Ray and Mick screaming of screen “Come back you little shits!”, “Join the Legends of Tomorrow” text above, “Save the Timeline” underneath, think like an old style Soviet propaganda poster, Waverider in the background, Ratigan and Bambi up front, “Join the Legends of Tomorrow” text above, “Save the Timeline” underneath

Coldwave song idea- Whispers by Dave Baxter)

Angel with a shotgun (for song choices)

gregorian monks chanting modern songs?

Pull the monks from Monty Python

For Ray: “I’ve Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts”

Gregorian version of “Boulevard of Broken Dreams”

“I walk a lonely road” = Ray having a moment

We are the monks from the Galavant soundtrack

I’m a different kind of princess from the galavant soundtrack for Sara

Mick telling Jax to fly because he’s already had whiskey

Jax and Stein in the infirmary

More of Kendra’s incarnation’s story

Hotblooded for Mick

Fireball

arsonist’s lullaby

Sir Patrick Stewart played the Lionheart once

coldwave - fate don’t know you by desi valentine

a version of friar tuck as one of the monks 

Jurassic Park theme

Jon Bernthal’s character would be good for Peter

“Istanbul not Constantinople” by They Might Be Giants

“Jerusalem of Gold” by Ofra Haza

“Lanercost” by Steeleye Span

Episode 3

Ginnifer Goodwin as Nancy wake?

Melanie Lynskey for Nancy

Amaya and Sara’s conversations

The moment where Nate shouts “NANCY WAKE?!?”

le temps des cerises europa

fanart of that fight scene with everyone

Edith Piaf

Europa by Globus

“Le Temps des Cerises”

“La Vie En Rose” by Edith Piaf

In the Mood" by Glen Miller

la marsaillaise by edith piaf

The jukebox version of Seven Nation Army

Sentimental Journey by Doris Day for Amaya

Cover of paper planes done in a '40s style by jukebox

Hitler Has Only Got One Ball to the Colonel Bogey’s March

Nancy Wake’s song is Witness by Mindless Self Indulgence 

Episode 4

Watch Your Back by Sam Tinnesz for the second half with Eobard

Fanart of the moment Eo brings back Laurel

Sara and Laurel in the med bay

Pink Floyd’s Another Brick in the Wall, possibly some ominous cover version, for the villains’ evil wall related schemes

Sara and Eobard drinking together

Every Breath You Take by Chase Holfeder. He does great minor covers of songs in major keys

99 Luftballoons by Nena

Something with Stein giving Marty his talking to, in the middle of the crowds in Berlin

Kim Weston – You hit Me Where It Hurts

The Ramones – Never Should Have Opened That Door

It’s So Easy when you’re evil

Rotten to the Core Disney movie descendants

When You’re Evil" by Voltaire for the Legion

Episode 5

Faroese Valravn or German Faun’s music

Mick Rory with the viking horns

Lisa

Wagner

Gunlod singing at the battle

ride of the valkyries

Looking too Closely by Fink for the end

Faun’s Walpurgisnacht would fit

fanart (gifset if possible) of Jax and Gunlod, being all flirty

Valravn has a version of Drømte mig en drøm

Jakob Oftebro for King Sweyn

Never Forget by Greta Salome

the fires

Mick headbutting the viking with his horned helmet

Paprika Steen or Hella Joof for Adisla

everybody talking to Lisa about their memories of Len, like one of those pics, with the bonfire and everyone around it, in the centre of the page, and then everyone’s memories in a circle around it

Eivør Pálsdóttir for Gunlød

“For the Love of a Princess "James Horner https://youtu.be/fckH2P0KK14

Episode 6

Uh, all of it

fancasts for our robot gangster

brent spiner

THE VOICE OF K2-SO whatshisname

Alan Tudyk

James Spader

we should just have ALL the famous robot actors hanging out

C3PO too

R2D2 and BB8

something frank sinatra

mission impossible theme

Robot Parade

"Mr Roboto”

A mix of Mission Impossible and the LoT theme

There’s a french revolution documentary with a song called rise of robespierre that sounds very steampunk and mechanical

Mick in his fireman clothes

the song from anything goes where she’s singing about her gangsters

Lisa kneeing Ray in the balls? like, I love Ray

like, every moment of lisa

“Weird Science” for the Stein/Dr Metcalf argument by Oingo Bongo

The Last of the Real Ones by FOB

Episode 7

Cisco getting thumbs up from Felicity and Winn when Lisa winks at him as she’s walking off

X-files theme somewhere along the way

seven nation army the original version would be good there

“Space Girl” for all the girls

salute by little mix for the girls

“Science Fiction Double Feature”

Episode 8

it’s a kind of magic

Lupita Nyong'o for Queen Bee

Magic Man" by Heart

Angela Basset

Taraji P Henson

viola davis

jada pinkett smith

Constantine interacting with the Legends

Something with the legends standing outside Zatanna’s place, looking frustrated at her “I’m not here” sign

Episode 9

Mick and Georgie, anything and everything with them

Is Anybody There from 1776

One of those things that fly across your dash with Ray and his rocket boot

Battle of Yorktown

fanart of that first confrontation when they meet Rip for the first time

Fanart of Washington’s ridiculous height

Georgie and Mick towering over everyone

Sara realising she just knocked back Martha’s eggnog and is actually talking to George Washington

Joke suggestion for Rip: I knew you were trouble, Taylor Swift

For Georgie storyarc, the Too Late to Apologize cover

mama look sharp from 1776

for Mick and Len and the hallucination arc, “Drumming Song” Florence and the Machine

“White Rabbit” Jefferson Airplane for Ray’s shrinking arc

 "The Battle of New Orleans"

Episode 10

black sails intro

pirates OST

Ray’s costume trials need “Sharp dressed man”

There’s a lovely cover by Jo Dee Messina

“Yo Ho A Pirate’s Life for Me”

Wolves of the Sea by Pirates of the Sea, the Eurovision version

Assassin’s Creed Black Flag music

I’m a Modern Major General for Stein in disguise

Heroes by Måns Zelmerlöw for the legends at some point in some episode

Ray’s montage fanart

something from crouching tiger hidden dragon maybe

Ray dressing as blue beetle and everyone looking thoroughly unimpressed

Ray trying to be Cold, and Mick of taking back the cold gun

Mick and Ray arguing about pirates vs ninjas and Len in the back, very very frustrated

Fanart of what would happen if Len COULD change outfits at will, mick looks over and has to try not laughing if len could change outfits, Len shows up in a terrible pirate outfit, Mick spit-takes, Ray says “we have to re-shoot that”, Sara (from offscreen): “Where did you even GET that?”

Ming-Na Wen for Ching, Maggie Cheung, Michelle Yeoh, Fan Bingbing

Episode 11

Mick in shorts

“Down Under” by Men at Work, maybe for the sequence where Mick is being mistaken for an Aussie

fanart of that scene and also of everybody in their clothes

Everybody Wants To Rule the World by Tears for Fears

all the bad fashion

lost boys soundtrack

fanart of the intro scene of bby Mick and Len

people are strange by the doors; don’t cry little sister

Weird Al’s “Smells Like Nirvana” for the section that goes

we didn’t start the fire

Ngaire - Keisha Castle-Hughes

Episode 12

the alien theme

Sort of atmospheric background music

skittering noises

Space Girl

Ziggy Stardust

Lost in Space theme

Thus Spake Zarathusa

cold as ice for Len

AIDA from Agents of Shield in part inspired Grace, but she’s not the fancast

major tom 

sigourney weaver as the engineer

for fanfic, something about Mick as Chronos, or Rip and Miranda hearing the story of the Mosaic

The moment with the Captain is saving Mick

Len and Gideon

The ghost behind Sara, and of Medusa!Grace

scaredy cat Stein

Sara and Mick sharing the quiet moment next to the graves

From Space girl: “Travelled through the time warp in the Psycho Plan”

Len shouting at Mick not to go on the other ship

Episode 13

Some ironic/dark use of something from the Evita musical

Don’t cry for me, Argentina

Mercedes Sosa

Solo le pido a dios

Churros. Any pic set of this episode must include churros.

Saved the world by eurythimics

copa la vida by ricky martin, maybe for the sequence with the soccer reference

under my umbrella aka, “Bus Stop” by the Hollies

The Legion surrounded by umbrellas

when Mick and the others are in the bakery

Fanart of Len, Thawne and Dahrk replicating the Singing In The Rain poster

Episode 14

fanart of Amaya dancing while Jax looks on like a proud brother

Greensleeves

Jonathan Rhys Meyers as Henry

Pasttime in Good Company

Brian Blessed

Eric Bana 

Sean Astin

Mick sitting alone in the garden with his lighter while len looks at him sadly

the globe burning

Sara dancing with Henry, and amaya in the back like….oh shit

Burning Down The House

Talking Heads

Royals by Lorde

Sons of Serendip

Fanart of Sara and Amaya trying to get dressed

Natalie Dormer as Ann, Natalie Portman

prison themed music for the dungeon scene

Johnny Cash

lone blues harmonica 

Mood board for henry and anne (+sara)

Episode 15

New york new york

All the old Irish songs about New York

Streets of New York

Pogues and Flogging Molly 

Wolfe Tones

the legion in their “hq”

Queen Been in a barbershop chair

Amaya carrying Sara with spirit wings behind her.

Legion!Len being pissed at racists

Some dramatic baroque-layout style picture of the mob about to start, and the only points of colour in the pic are Sara, Amaya, and Darhk

Lily fanart

her and Rip working together to guide the team from the Waverider

Stein helping a tiny Lily make her first atom model

Episode 16

annoying game show background music

A montage set to the actual Legends of the Hidden Temple, or art with the Legends and Legion wearing those dorky outfits

Benny Hill theme song

The Chicken Dance song played in slow mo 

theme from Gremlins

Someone who does podcasts needs to do some lines from the announcers

Fanart of the renegades first appearance

Fan art of affronted Mick and Len

Those (song) in Minor Key posts, Maybe the Benny Hill theme in minor key for dramatic parts

Stephen Fry would probably be perfect for Ethelred

Some of the challenges in the labyrinth should come with really annoying early computer game sounds

Art of the game in the style of one of those old crappy text RPGs and at one point, there’s a sign off to the side that says “don’t go this way - you will be eaten by a grue”

The whole Legends in The Future, yelling at a computer

16 or 32-bit version of the characters

 in the year 2525 (song)

Episode 17

it's gotta be cassette quality 90's music

Green Day

Aqua barbie girl

drunk Legends

Spice Girls

lots of Madonna and Prince and Maria Carey

Jax and Jessica duke it out at the whack a mole

all the home alone sequences

Sound of Silence for the “Hello Darhk-ness my old friend” part

O!Len realising L!Len can see him

Jessica - Gina Rodriguez

“I put a spell on you” for the final sequence with Queen Bee

Any Jax/Jessica photoset would need their respective dolls

Episode 18

music rec: we will rock you. Nothing else will do for Sara’s gladiator appearance

the woman who played Lucilla in Gladiator for Fulvia

Centuries 

Marc Antony, the guy who played him in Rome did it

Is Anybody There from 1776 musical

Rome, Spartacus, The Gladiator soundtracks

Sara fighting Darhk

EVERYONE in ancient Rome outfits

Legionnaire!Len

Kendra and Fulvia, lounging on their seats

Legion!Len in his toga

Having scenes from this episode using dialogue from Life Of Brian.

Kendra in Rome getup

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life

Episode 19

Camelot from Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Len’s ice ramp

Old school superhero comic style fan art of the knights

Joan (song)

everyone dressed up for dinner

Mick and Mordred

Colin Farrell for Jason Blood

Merlin - Taika Waititi

Eva Green for Morgana

Sofia Boutella for Nimue

Ivana Baquero ystina

Faun's Tanz mit mir for the party scene

Doomworld 1 & 2

crossover fan art of a certain Victor von Doom being angry with the Legion

It’s the End of the World as We Know It

Eurythmics "Sweet dreams are made of this"

Walking on the Ground

for Batman, Batfleck, Jason O’Mara

B: TAS theme

Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny"

Nathan Fillion - Hal

Don’t Mess With Me by Temposhark

Ain't No Rest for the Wicked" by Cage the Elephant

Ted - Danny Pudi

Everyone decked out in their doomworld versions

The fight between Mick, L!Len, and then the lanterns show up

all by myself to be playing in the background at the very end when Mick is left alone

Land of Confusion by Genesis, or the Disturbia version

Uprising by Muse

Believer by Imagine Dragons

Last Episode

Fan art of Bambi leaping joyfully into Ray’s arms

A gif set of Mick and Len hugging

fanart, specifically, of Ray and Bambi skipping through a field of flowers towards each other as “So Happy Together” plays in the background

everyone hugging Len, then Len and Mick hugging

A sweet piece of Sara and Laurel talking through the inter-dimensional skype

O!Len holding the spear, with the team in the back yelling at him not to do it 

The sequence where the jump ship explodes in the middle of the time stream

we are the champions

Legendary

[cwdcshows]

Supergirl - S5 E6 - Confidence Woman

So Horrible Boss is Shade? The Shadow?  Misty Swirls?  I'm going to go with Misty Swirls.  Sure, it sounds like a stripper name, but.....'  How Andrea (?) a member of this super duper secret organization, that she's the moment she's in a tight position she goes to blab to just any older insider?  How are the members recruited or vetted? "Ah, you found our decoder ring a box of Froot Loops, here's your gun and code name.  We're going to need you to covertly assassinate a duke, and oh, by the by, try not to tell anyone about us."

"I don't want to kill him, I want to save him."

'You've worked for her before'?  I mean, I know it's splitting hairs, but arguably Lena's worked with Supergirl, rather than for her; unless you're thinking of the summer that Lena lost her money and Kara decided to try her hand as a lawyer and decided to hire Lena to assist her in the office.  Kara, however, seems to be irritated by the slightest mistake Lena makes, until Lena eventually realizes that Kara is actually getting turned on by Lena's obedience; and over the next several weeks they explore a BDSM relationship, until one day Lena wins the lotto and buys back her company and Kara decides to return to CatCo.   And I know what you're thinking, did he just suggest that Lena and Kara enacted the plot of 50 Shade of Gray? And the answer, is no.  In fact, I was suggesting they were enacting the plot of the 2002 movie, Secretary, starring Maggie Gyllenhaal as the submissive, titular secretary; and James Spader as the dominant boss, who incidentally was named E. Edward Grey.  So, you know, completely different. Ah, a nostalgic flashback to a college encounter between two beautiful college girls; which was a memory apparently sparked by a bottle of booze.  I think I've seen this movie before; and that one also starred someone going by the name Misty Swirls.... Honestly, in a show where people can fly and shoot lasers our of their fucking eyes, I think perhaps the least believable thing this show is trying to present to us is the idea that Lena fucking Luther was a wallflower in college or really at any point in her life.  I mean, she may not have known she was a real Luther yet, and sure her mom treated her like shit; while Lex seemed to simultaneously be protective of her (I think) and belittle her (I think) - which is to say that seriously muddled whatever past  Lex and Lena had together before he was finally outed as a murderer and all the other stuff.  But what I'm getting at is, it seems unlikely that Lena wouldn't at least have friends in school or any of the other more outgoing traits we've seen her have in the present; and that somehow this random woman she's never mentioned before is ostensibly the person who made Lena the person she is today - but I guess that's where the booze comes in.... Oh, instead they're going to make this some sort of random fucking mystical quest; and this rich girl that's dropped out of the clear blue sky and known Lena for five minute is all in on finding this... whatever this is.  And based on their apparent obsession with Titanic, I assume one of them is going to die after they find this whatchamacallit; and the other will wait 70 years then drop it into the sea. Really, this is the episode they're going to use Jon Cryer in?  Don't get me wrong, I know he's not like, Calista Flockhart or something, that they would only put in certain episodes, but seeing how sporadic they used him last season; and the lengths they went to have Lex involved, but unseen, this either means this episode is going to be wildly more important or a tremendous waste of the use of Lex Luther that will probably result in him being conspicuously absent in a future episode he should definitely be physically present for. What could Andrea's father be "doing again" that involves his life insurance policy?  Surely she doesn't mean killing himself for the insurance money, because he couldn't have done before, presumably.   Wait, are they suggesting Kryptonite crashed to earth "millions of years ago"?  How would be fucking possible?  Kryptonite is supposed to be remnants from when Krypton exploded, which definitely didn't occur millions of years ago; the fact that Kara's mother is still alive is, presumably, at least one clear indication of this.  That or Allura looks really good for her age. "What would Rose Dawnson do?" Hog a floating door, leaving her the supposed love of her life to die of hypothermia in the Atlantic Ocean? #ThereWasRoom #NeverForget That's some impeccable timing, for Lena to read her book at just the right moment in the whole wide jungle, so that she follows the instructions to look down and find exactly what she needed to find to help them on their way.... Those were apparently load bearing flowers. "This is very real, I assure you." I mean, isn't that exactly what a psychedelic hallucination would tell you? Since Lena was looking for...whatever... to stop Lex from finding....whatever,  shouldn't Lena wonder if Lex had gotten there first? So Kord Industries of Earth 38 is our Samsung? Why would you overtly wear a medallion you don't want your friend to know you have; even if it's unlikely you'll run into her?  Not to mention the odds aren't terrible she'd be there, seeing as you run in the same circles.  Keep your mystical talismans in your handbag, like the rest of us. Is this the reason for Lena's beef with Kara not telling her the truth about who she is?  Because these seem like wildly different sorts of lies.  I get that Lex and their mother also lied to Lena, but I get the feeling this is going to be meant as the real motivation for her grudge. And boy, did Lena need that medallion; her life would have been so much better the last couple of years. Instead she's worked hard rehabilitating her family name and business, making more friends than she's apparently ever had before - if only she had a lucky charm.... Hey, it's Not-Ock before he became Not-Ock.  Why are you so nosy about whether this woman you don't is drinking her drink or not?  I know, I know, it's his way of hitting on her, but seriously, mind your own damn business.  For all you know she's a recovering alcoholic at a crossroads in her 10 year sobriety after her husband Jonathan left with their four kids, on account of the fact she's far too obsessed with Top Chef.  You don't know. Okay, I figured I'd wait a bit before comment on this; and now that I'm half way through the episode - didn't last week's preview suggest this was going to be an Alex episode?  They showed Alex at the DEO and everyone but her was inceptioned and she's freaking out trying to figure out to do.... This is the most boring and uneventful villain origin story since Grimace tried to kill a bunch of people....

Holly shit, apparently my Froot Loops recruitment scenario wasn't that far off.  Apparently I'm on the same wavelength as the writers and I'm not okay with that. "Take the medalion, tap it three times.  You'll know what to do." This sounds an awful lot like the message Scott Calvin found inside the Santa Suite in the Santa Clause.

Is Santa an assassin?  What exactly happens to the people on the naughty list?? Are they actually showing us an unseen backstory of Lena and Kara becoming friends?  Has it been some sort of mystery that viewers never quite understood this time; and now people at home are going, "Oh, that's how it happened! It all makes sense now..." Jesus Christ, all of this shit because of a fucking magical medallion, that for all Lena ever knew was just a myth?  Fuck you. The medallion was the only thing that could stop Lex?  What?  I mean, he was stopped without it just fine.  Sure, he probably killed a bunch more people that he may or may not have been able to if Lena had gotten the medallion and used it the way she wanted to.  But are they honestly suggesting that Lena's great plan for "stopping Lex" was fucking magic? (sigh)  They had the means of removing this guy's Borg implants this whole time and they're just fucking mentioning it now??? So what, Alex is in the one place in the entire DEO shielded from psychic attack? They really made it seem like the premise of the DEO being incepted to be the main story of this episode; and it's literally the last 10 minutes of the episode.  Which means that they knew how much of a turd this episode was and had to hunt down what could pass as the most interesting part of the episode; and it seems the preview encompasses the entirety of that footage. Man, I know Alex is supposed to be a bad ass, but damn, Brainiac 5 is a lightweight. So Lena's plan was foiled because she forgot Kara has super hearing? Jesus Christ, Lena has worse mommy issues than Bruce Wayne.

[takaraphoenix]

Review: 3x14 - A Kiss From a Rose

So, @kimmycup and I finished watching that episode!

Let’s a try a different tune and be more positive, because overall there’s such a... tired weariness that settled deep in my bones concerning this show at this point. And that’s actually actively making me sad.

So, let’s talk about the things I liked:

1.) The fact that a stranger Seelie who never met Clary makes a better Clary impersonation than Jonathan can make a Jace impersonation. Like. Boy. Your acting used to be way better. (And yes, this is under “liked” because, honestly, I find Jonathan just straight up hilarious at this point. Boy needs to get his shit together, man.)

No, but seriously - what I liked about it was how fast Clary noticed it. It’s come a time where I once again forgot that I used to actually like Clary at some point. And this was exactly why I liked her! She notices shit! Instead of wasting a whole-ass episode where a character doesn’t notice when someone is impersonating a person they should know really well (*side-eyes Alec real hard here*), she is like nearly instantly “Well that ain’t Jace, huh”. And the trick with the rose to verify was really clever.

I miss them writing Clary as clever. Most of the time they just write her as raging and loud, or insanely horny and stabby. Just... Clary being clever are her best character moments and I like them.

2.) I LOVE SOFT!JACE SOFT!JACE IS MY FAVORITE JACE. Seriously from the cute bedhead, to him again picking something really thoughtful and really romantic to do - I love that romantic!Jace is canon, considering how much he is always reduced to just being a horny playboy by the fandom that apparently never ever saw an episode of the show huh - to him being graceless for a change and falling flat on his ass. Sure, that totally destroyed my headcanon that Jace can ice-skate, but heeey, it’s cute as fuck so I forgive canon.

3.) ISABELLE DOING SCIENCE. Sure, it was only short, but urgh, I love scientist!Izzy. It got so lost in all the romance drama and addiction drama and her... suddenly... also being weapon’s master for whatever reason (y’all still haven’t explained what that shit even meant, aside from you saving on giving another character a speaking role to hand Clary her Super Special Swords). I am still calling bullshit on that entire whole plotline because it is in fact bullshit to act like Izzy and Alec haven’t know all along how the Clave operates, but if it gets Isabelle back to actually doing something productive and showing off her skills instead of just... suffering in some form? I’m all here for that.

4.) Magnus actually opening up to Alec. Y’all know that my biggest complaint about canon!Ma/ec is that they don’t communicate and would literally rather bite off their own tongues than share personal stuff with each other. I like that so far in this half-season, they have... actually been talking about their feelings. It’s low-key pathetic that you gotta praise the very baseline of what a healthy relationship is, but here we are.

Seriously though, the feeling that was conveyed, how Harry played the scene, how much Magnus’ loss stood in the forefront there.

Things I didn’t like:

1.) I don’t trust this show enough to not bring Jordan and Maia back together. Yes, I did like that they talked shit out and had a good, surprisingly long scene together (instead of the usual incredibly rushed quick moments of Actual Talking before they dive right back into drama and action), but this show... I mean, come on, they chose a shared bite that brought Izzy back into addiction to open up the S/izzy, so if you really put it past them to bring Jordan and Maia back together only based on them having One Good Conversation, you do not know this show well.

So, yeah, that’s what I’m currently wearily expecting them to do, because they have given Bat a full screentime of 5 minutes so far on this show so I am somehow not thinking Ba/ia is gonna be endgame.

2.a) That whole Lorenzo story, start to finish, is literally just forced additional drama. And I do mean from start. Seriously, what reasoning goes behind “We need a new High Warlock of New York... so let’s take this outsider instead of a proper representative of our community like, say, Catarina Loss”. But no, we couldn’t have Cat do it and it not being dramatic. We needed a secondary antagonist so let’s put an OC in here. And like, yeah, I like Lorenzo alright, in the role he is in, but it’s also rather... unnecessary. Like, there’s already enough going on and Magnus is honestly already suffering enough without additionally getting kicked while he’s on the ground??

2.b) Also I am willing to bet money that the whole entire story-point of Magnus losing his loft is so Ma/ec can find ~a place of their own~ and move in early after all. Because seriously literally every single loss and suffering Magnus has endured in this show had the sole purpose of furthering the ship. I’d like for him to be, you know, treated as his own person?

Also, high-key Alec threatening Lorenzo over the very fair deal that Lorenzo made with Magnus, regardless of how petty it was, was... Not Good. This is exactly part of the point I keep making why the “OH NO the Clave is torturing Downworlders! We would have never expected uwu” is absolute bullshit for Alec and Isabelle. Because treating Downworlders as inferior is literally how they were raised. And this little display of “I can strip you off your power for upsetting my boyfriend because I’m a Shadowhunter” was very much an act of “I am the superior species” and that’s... uh. Yeah.

2.c) What also bothers me is the magic though. I mean this was like... borrowed magic? From Lorenzo. So, does it wear off? Is this going to be like another addiction plotline where Magnus pulls a Willow Rosenberg and goes for regular magic-fixes because he needs more whenever it wears off?? Because I can’t imagine that “a higher demon took all of my magic in a deal” can literally be resolved by a 2 second, non-draining magic transfer from the High Warlock? Like, Lorenzo wasn’t even outta breath? It can’t have been that easy.

3.) Filing. Okay, hear me out on this one. Literally everything in the Institute is incredibly high tech - all their fancy screens and scans, their database of warlocks, security system, the whole 3D projection of the city they can pull up. There is just no way that they have not digitalized all those old tomes and couldn’t just cross-referrence “Morning Star Sword” in some database. No way in fucking hell.

This is part where the whole world building doesn’t seem fully thought through again. They have all of those heavy, old books in their library. They would have digitalized those. They would have created Institute-wide networks to cross-referrence instead of solely relying on heavy old books in libraries that you gotta comb in person to find shit.

Not in a world where “A Shadowhunter in Paris has just reported a Stele missing” reaches the New York Institute in five nanoseconds. They’re more organized than that and they have shown to be more digitalized than that.

Sure, they’d still have the libraries for aesthetic reasons, but they sure as shit would have used spells or something, or even the Silent Brothers who apparently have enough free time to illustrate Paradise Lost, to digitalize their books.

4.) Luke. Luke getting stalked by those cops for? What? Reason?? Seriously, what charges do they have. It’s not like 0llie died, she was apparently transferred so she could have easily cleared Luke of whatever he was accused of when she had disappeared. There is... literally no legal reason why he is still suspended and why they would have cops trailing him? And then he just... immediately gets arrested. You really think that in the what, ten minutes that you had lost sight of Luke since you stalked him at the café, he had enough time to slaughter all those people. What the fuck, man.

[racingtoaredlight]

The degenerate’s guide to 2017 college football TV watch ‘em ups: week 5

Schedules are getting a little better this week as we get into conference schedules and the Florida teams get back to normal.

I see some pretty strong matchups but the early kick games look kind of bad. Having USC/Washington State and Miami/Duke both playing Friday night in a TV doubleheader seems weird. Could have pushed the ACC game to Saturday morning and nobody would have been the wiser. I guess TV contracts don’t work that way, though, so here we are with this schedule. I feel the need to italicize that there are some strong matchups. It’s not a great week overall.

Times are, as per usual, Eastern and stolen from FBSchedules. All gambling advice is fully backed by RTARL’s “don’t ever ask us for shit” guarantee and comes with all requisite warnings that you are a dummy if you listen to me about anything ever.

Saturday, Sept. 30, 2017

Matchup                                               Time (ET)                         TV

Houston at Temple                              Noon                             ESPNU

I was caught completely off guard by Coach Ryan Gosling limiting Ed Oliver’s effectiveness last week but those things happen. When Khalil Mack was in college there were games where he was worked around by some truly awful teams and he was playing as an off the ball linebacker. Oliver should be back to normal this week.

Maryland at Minnesota                      Noon                                FS1

I can’t imagine looking forward to seeing this game.

New Mexico State at Arkansas         Noon                              SECN

This is a body count game for a middling SEC team and it’s still better than the B1G’s in-conference offering on FS1.

North Carolina at Georgia Tech        Noon                                ESPN2

Matchup of two very interesting coaches but also two not very interesting rosters. Could be a fun watch ‘em up but I won’t call it a “good” game.

Northwestern at (10) Wisconsin       Noon                                  ABC

Among the many things I can’t really explain about my college football fandom is a strong dislike of Northwestern football. Like I’m rooting for Jonathan Taylor to extract blood early and often in this game and I don’t really understand why.

Rice at Pittsburgh                               Noon                       RSN/ESPNCE

It just occurred to me right now that it’s really weird for Pitt to be insanely week in the defensive backfield. I know it’s only his second year there but isn’t Pat Narduzzi supposed to be sort of a scheme wizard on that side of the ball? Pitt has looked so bad so far that this game might not even be a gimme.

(18) USF at East Carolina                    Noon                                CBSSN

ECU isn’t very good this year. They never should have fired Ruffin McNeill. USF looks like they’re getting better every week so this could be a nice bloodbath.

Vanderbilt at (21) Florida                    Noon                                   ESPN

Florida could really lose to Vanderbilt in the Swamp and I wonder if even having two straight division titles is enough to save Jim McElwain if that happens.

Syracuse at NC State                          12:20 pm                     ACCN/ESPNCE

The ACC might be the best conference in the country top-to-bottom and they can still put up clunkers like this. Strength against whatever the strongest thing you can say about Syracuse is with NC State’s pass defense going against the Orangemen’s pass heavy offensive concepts. This should be pretty ugly.

Central Michigan at Boston College   1:00 pm                           ACCNExtra

Harold Landry reminds me of former BC star Mathias Kiawnuka for all of the good and the bad that might imply.

Baylor at Kansas State                        3:30 pm                              ESPN2

With Kansas State looking above average this year they should be able to beat Baylor by at least 30.

Buffalo at Kent State                           3:30 pm                               ESPN3

Florida State at Wake Forest              3:30 pm                        ABC

Undefeated Wake Forest at home against winless Florida State. This will never be true again unless they play each other in a season opener.

(7) Georgia at Tennessee                    3:30 pm                        CBS

If I understand anything about these two programs Tennessee is going to win this game on a Hail Mary after getting down by 30 points in the first half.

Indiana at (4) Penn State                      3:30 pm                        BTN

Saquon Barkley is gonna get like 8 carries, Penn State is going to pull away in the third quarter to win by maybe 20. This looks like torture to me.

Murray State at (17) Louisville             3:30 pm                          RSN

These stats shouldn’t count for Louisville unless they are bad.

Navy at Tulsa                                          3:30 pm                         ESPNU

Navy playing a game on an ESPN feed seems sort of wrong to me. Other than playing Notre Dame on NBC they pretty much only ever play on CBS/CBSSN. Zach Abey has been pretty good this year (not up to his hype level from before last season yet) but Navy’s defense is pretty bad. Every game is an adventure with these guys. Tulsa has been terrible this year but they can score a lot.

Ohio at UMass                                        3:30 pm                       11 Sports

This is one of the worst possible games this season and Ohio will somehow beat UMass on the road by more than Tennessee beat UMass at home.

UTEP at Army                                           3:30 pm                        CBSSN

Last year was supposed to be a step forward for Army’s program but they’ve kind of sucked so far in 2017. This is not an attractive matchup even for a gutter palate like mine.

Arizona State at Stanford                       4:00 pm                       Pac-12N 

How does Stanford keep roping me in with one single player to watch year after year while putting together an offensive system that is dependent on making everybody fall asleep? Bryce Love should go off against ASU and Kalen Ballage should continue to do absolutely nothing against Stanford so pretty much expect both of these teams to look exactly how they have looked for the past four weeks. Stanford will win in a rout, 27-16.

Eastern Michigan at Kentucky              4:00 pm                         SECN

Kentucky lost to an inferior opponent last week so we’ll see how they bounce back against a relatively tough Eastern Michigan team

Iowa at Michigan State                           4:00 pm                           FOX

Iowa missed a huge opportunity last week at home against Penn State so they might be in a bad mental space against Sparty. That’s Michigan State’s best bet because they look just as bad in 2017 as they did in 2016.

Texas State at Wyoming                         4:00 pm                          Stadium

The Josh Allen “I’m not actually good enough to play in the NFL” tour continues with a visit from Scott Bakula and the Armadillos.

UConn at SMU                                         4:00 pm                           ESPNews

UConn football is consistent with two things: being bad and having good defensive backs. That’s all I can think of for a recommendation here. Courtland Sutton could have a tough week but SMU should win. UConn is legit one of the worst teams in the country right now.

Miami, OH at (22) Notre Dame                5:00 pm                            NBCSN

I’m sure there’s a way to look this up quickly but I’m not gonna be the one to do it - how many times has a team played Miami (OH) and Miami (FL) in the same season? Notre Dame is doing it this year. I hope they lose both but last year’s bad luck doesn’t seem to have carried over to this year.

Akron at Bowling Green                         6:00 pm                             ESPN3

Technically speaking this is a football game so enjoy it you fucking weirdos who watch bullshit MACtion.

(24) Mississippi State at (13) Auburn    6:00 pm                             ESPN

I still think of Malzahn as the better schemer between these two but I’m not 100% about that anymore. I think Auburn will probably roll the Bulldogs here.

Air Force at New Mexico                        7:00 pm                             CBSSN

I’m low key enjoying Air Force football this year. This is the kind of trash game that typifies my ideal of Degenerate Football.

Ball State at Western Michigan             7:00 pm                              ESPN3

How does the MAC manage to infect such a huge percentage of the TV schedule every week?

Charlotte at FIU                                       7:00 pm                      beIN SPORTS

For all of the great things he did for The U and UNC’s programs, Butch Davis isn’t really a quick turnaround guy. FIU is starting from the very bottom of the stack in Florida but I’m sure if he gets 4 years there, Davis will have them turned into an offbrand monster. Kind of like what UCF and USF have going right now.

Coastal Carolina at ULM                        7:00 pm                                ESPN3

Yeesh. Gotta respect this game for finding a place to hide. Nobody is going to watch this.

Marshall at Cincinnati                            7:00 pm                                ESPN3

Another kind of awful matchup that’s nicely scheduled for minimum exposure.

Memphis at UCF                                     7:00 pm                                ESPN2

Without looking I would have sworn both of these teams were just barely inside the top 25 but now I am looking and neither one of them is there. Weird. This is a pretty great AAA matchup if you’re into that sort of thing. If you are not into that sort of thing you should be because this is the most interesting conference in the sport. Not the best, mind you, just the most entertaining.

Middle Tennessee at Florida Atlantic  7:00 pm                              Stadium

It seems well nigh impossible to me that Lane Kiffin goes unscathed in the current pay to play scandal even if the investigation never jumps from basketball to football.

North Texas at Southern Miss              7:00 pm                            CUSA.TV

How did so many bad games get scheduled for prime time on Saturday this week? You won’t have to do a lot of channel hopping.

South Alabama at Louisiana Tech         7:00 pm                             ESPN3

This is one of the better games on the schedule at this time and USA has actually sucked badly so far this year.

Troy at (25) LSU                                       7:00 pm                             ESPNU

Maybe Derrius Guice will do something to make this interesting but I wouldn’t count on it.

(11) Ohio State at Rutgers                     7:30 pm                               BTN

If Ohio State really tries for 80 this is worth watching but otherwise it’s just more detritus.

South Carolina at Texas A&M                7:30 pm                            SECN 

aTm has two potential first round talents in Christian Kirk (fading) and Trayveon Williams (only a sophomore) and a head coach who built his rep in the first place as a great offensive mind. Sakerlina has a supposed defensive wizard at head coach and a bunch of early round talent all over the roster. When you say it like that this seems like a fun game but nope. I’ve got no interest in it.

  (2) Clemson at (12) Virginia Tech          8:00 pm                             ABC

Now this looks like a real deal great game to me. Both teams have freshman QBs and I think VPISU’s Josh Jackson is actually the better of the two but he can be that and it still might not matter in this particular game. This is not an easy win for Clemson and should actually be a better game than Clemson’s last “big test.” The Hokies are much better on defense than Louisville and they might be able to get off a few deep burns on Clemson’s secondary.

(15) Oklahoma State at Texas Tech       8:00 pm                             FOX

If Clemson makes me a liar and just stomps over Virginia Tech then you can check in here for what is sure to be a 79-63 kind of a game with over 1,000 yards of combined passing.

(6) Washington at Oregon State            8:00 pm                         Pac-12N

Every week I get to Oregon State against whoever and just laugh to myself that this fucking guy left the head coaching job at Wisconsin to become the guy at Oregon State and every single week they look worse than they did the previous week. UDub should have this one sealed up before the start of the second quarter.

University of Mississippi, Oxford at (1) Alabama    9:00 pm          ESPN

On the one hand Shea Patterson is extremely talented and 27 points is a huge line for a conference game. On the other hand Mississippi got worn the fuck out by the Antifa Bears who don’t even have a real roster put together yet and Alabama could sleep walk to a 30 point lead here. It’s just a matter of how much Alabama wants to stomp them out. All of that recent history of upsets and close games is history, this is not going to be close.

Nevada at Fresno State                          10:00 pm                         ATTSNRM

Fuck yes, this is West Coast trash and I love it. Neither of these teams is particularly good (I mean like any good at all) so this might not be watchable but I sometimes get into this sort of thing.

California at Oregon                                10:30 pm                              FS1

It’s not time for either of them to have a national following yet but I like where both of these programs are headed. Cal having a decent defense overnight seems like a road map to an exploitable market inefficiency in college football.

Colorado at UCLA                                     10:30 pm                        ESPN2

Seeing them side by side like this makes me realize that Colorado already exploited that inefficiency that the Antifas are moving towards and started from even farther back in the pack. I just thought of this comp for Josh Rosen and now I’m buying into it: Russell Wilson. He’s obviously much taller than Wilson but the pluses and minuses to their games overlap a lot. Rosen won’t have a 5th year in a new uniform to broaden the scope of his game so he’s probably looking at one year or more as a redshirt in the NFL to put things together but I think I’m onto something here.

NIU at (19) San Diego State                     10:30 pm                        CBSSN

I ran out of space and felt like I already had enough running backs on the RTARLsman list but Rashaad Penny is definitely still one of my guys. I’ll check in on this one if I can but it should be a pretty big win for SDSU. That came out weird, I love terrible late night blowouts but I don’t want to misrepresent what it is I actually want from this game.

San Jose State at UNLV                            10:30 pm                         ESPNU

I kind of wish it hadn’t occurred to me how odd it is for UNLV to be named Rebels because that’s all I think about for them now. This game is a pretty strong contender for worst teams to play each other in 2017, if you’re wondering about that side of things.

Colorado State at Hawaii                          11:59 pm        MWN/Spectrum PPV

This is a beautiful terrible game. I want so badly to watch but it could really lead to a divorce. I’m sure this holds true in some form for almost everybody reading this. If anybody reads this part. Mountain West Network can’t have a subscriber base larger than like 100,000 households can it?

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[turtle-paced]

GoT Re-Watch: Fine-Toothed Comb Edition

Sorry for the delay - Easter, exams, that sort of thing. But here we are at the start of season six, isn’t that exciting?

6.01 - The Red Woman

(2:11) It’s a lovely opening shot of the Wall and Castle Black, at least.

(2:57) Anyone know why Sam’s dog cares so much about Jon? The showrunners just haven’t done the work to show the direwolves are magically significant.

(4:41) Yes, Jon is dead. This scene is moving at a glacial pace. I mean, you should dedicate time to allow the viewer to process a major character’s death, but we’re getting almost as much time to show Davos and Dolorous Edd reacting to Jon Snow’s death as we saw Sansa react to the deaths of Robb and Catelyn.

Get used to comments about the scene moving slowly. I spent most of season six hollering “GET ON WITH IT” at my laptop. The pacing in this season is absolutely shot to hell, and it’s not because they didn’t have enough plot or potential plot. They absolutely did. But once again that plot was compressed to maintain “shocks” and big end-of-season events, leaving the characters to make small talk for multiple episodes.

(5:02) Edd trusts the men in this room, who we’ve never seen before. It’s like they’re placeholding for other characters, characters who may have been shortsightedly killed off earlier…

(6:20) It took us about four minutes to inform three characters of Jon Snow’s death. Nothing else. Just establishing he’s dead. Glacial.

(7:20) “But I never once disobeyed an order.” This line is, I think, supposed to tell the audience that Thorne is loyal to the Watch and killed Jon out of what he saw as necessity; the telling-not-showing thing leaves me with the impression that Thorne is going for the most facile loophole imaginable, “well he never told me not to kill him.”

(7:40) Then we end up with tense problems. No, not that sort of tense. “Jon Snow was going to destroy the Night’s Watch.” How? By letting the Free Folk through the Wall - oh. Shit. A bit late, huh? The lack of the Pink Letter has led to this problem: if letting the Free Folk through the Wall alone was enough to kill Jon over, it was enough to shut him up on the wrong side of the Wall for. Instead, the mutineers let Jon and all the Free Folk through, then killed Jon, which fixes nothing and causes even more problems.

(8:08) More tense problems. “What he thought was right would have been the end of us.” Okay, smartypants, but the Free Folk are still through the Wall. Your problems still exist in the present. Just because the writers know this plot is effectively over for the season doesn’t mean the character should.

(8:56) Davos is clearly at a bit of a plot loose end, with Stannis dead. His motivations aren’t completely clear - while he liked Jon, and I can understand that he’d prefer to work with Jon over the mutineers, I’m not sure what he thinks he’s accomplishing.

(9:40) Oh wonderful. This scene. Timer on!

(9:48) “The kennelmaster’s daughter. She smelled of dog.” Profound.

(10:05) Okay, stop, because this is bullshit. Myranda was absolutely afraid of Ramsay, as we saw back in season five, and it’s really damaging for the show to say she wasn’t after the fact and leave it as the last word.

(10:40) I still don’t know whether this is Ramsay hamming it up or being genuinely sad. One’s a waste of time and the other’s offensively privileging the abuser’s perspective of his victim without chance for rebuttal.

(10:50) And timer off! That was a minute and ten seconds of Ramsay mourning for Myranda, for the same plot and character effect as we could have got if Ramsay just shrugged off her death entirely in two lines.

(11:20) Poor Roose. He got stuck with the recap. Ramsay defeated Stannis, Ramsay married Sansa yes yes we watched season five, more fool us. Not to mention his only plot function is to nag Ramsay ineffectually.

(11:45) “[The North] won’t back us without Sansa Stark.” And yet we will see just as many Northern lords back the Boltons as the Starks, and twice as many sit the fight out entirely.

(13:01) I wrote it back when I first saw this episode: this river is here so the writers could include an exchange with Sansa wanting to give up and Theon spurring her into greater courage. Even now Theon’s telling her just how bad Ramsay is and she really needs to believe him - I think she knows already. This wouldn’t be so bad in isolation, but it doesn’t stand in isolation. It’s not even an isolated event in this episode. There is a consistent pattern of the writers writing Sansa as weak so that others (usually male characters) can show their strength.

(14:08) But the hug is very nice, especially as the panning out to show both of them together conveys that the comfort received is mutual.

(15:03) I swear, nothing a Stark or Stark-adjacent character does is allowed to succeed. Theon says Sansa’s dead, not an unreasonable proposition given the fall plus the run through the frozen landscape plus the river, and immediately this guy says “liar.”

Incidentally, imagine if this guy had been all like “dead? We better go look for her body!” “But sir, the footprints -“ “I said, we had better go look for her body! We will be searching in that direction over there. It will take us hours. A shame nobody’s looking at the road north right now.” Same plot outcome, but conveys that disloyalty is something the Boltons are having problems with.

(15:50) Deaths: 1. Brienne’s kill.

(16:21) After a brief exchange of blows that shows how the choreography has gone downhill (a hit to the sword made Brienne spin away dramatically at one point), deaths: 2. Brienne’s kill again.

(16:42) Deaths: 3. Pod’s kill.

(17:01) Deaths: 4. Brienne’s kill. Another injured man, who says “no, please” before Brienne cuts his throat with what can only be described as an expression of savage glee.

(17:13) Deaths: 5. Theon’s kill.

Hey, you know who hasn’t done anything in this scene? Sansa. I am so reminded of the hill clan attack back in season one, where Catelyn just tucked herself up next to a boulder and didn’t get in the way of any of the fighting…in spite of picking up a knife and killing a man herself in the book. Sansa has not done so much as shout “behind you!” or something like that.

(17:32) And now’s the time to talk about Brienne’s appearance. Last season she had to choose - kill Stannis or save Sansa. Here at the beginning of the season we see that that choice has zero consequences. Brienne gets to do both. There isn’t even a cost to her relationship with Sansa. It completely undermines that moment of choice. What is even the point of writing that choice if it doesn’t make a difference?

(18:03) Not to mention the choice Brienne made undermines her sincerity in this offer. Brienne will do anything for Sansa, anything, I say, there is no knight more dedicated to a lady - oh wait hang on a tic personal vendetta over there just gotta pop out in this crisis situation for a bit of revenge murder.

(18:10) Theon nods his approval of Sansa accepting Brienne’s vows. Which one of them has met Brienne before, again?

(18:28) Goddamn it. This starts off so promisingly, with Sansa gathering herself to accept Brienne’s vows formally, but then she freezes up and needs Pod to prompt her. This instance is especially bad, as Sansa remembering her manners in trying situations is her jam. Nobody expects Sansa to be perfectly put together through all this - but we’ve already had two instances in this episode alone (the river, the fight) of Sansa needing the help of others. At this third point, it’s time for Sansa to demonstrate her own strengths.

(19:27) It’s good that our first sight of Cersei involves her fiddling with with her much shorter hair. It shows us that the haircut meant something to her.

(19:46) What’s odd is that Cersei is completely alone. She’s still being accused of things like murder and treason, but she is completely unattended by anyone. Which could be an oversight, but as we’ll see later, Margaery (accused of perjury), is constantly shadowed by a septa.

(20:02) We have multiple shots of Cersei traversing the castle to go greet her daughter. Padding! How would we understand that Cersei walked through the castle to greet the boat if we did not see her walking through several other rooms first?

(20:16) Myrcella’s shroud is indeed gold.

(21:29) This discussion of bloated Lannister corpses has got to be some sort of reference to the putrefaction of Tywin’s corpse on his bier…but it’s not the fact that Tywin’s body succumbed to biology and decayed, it’s that it did so while lying in state. It’s the same thing as Tywin’s magnificent white charger taking a dump in front of the Iron Throne after the Blackwater.

(22:01) Show!Cersei continues to be a far better parent than book!Cersei, able to recognise that her daughter was a separate person whose desires did not necessarily align with her own, and able to value those differences.

(22:16) While I’m comparing writing to Catelyn’s scripting, this bit from Cersei, “she was nothing like me, no meanness, no jealousy, just good” reminds me of Catelyn’s monologue in 3.02 reminding everyone that she’s a horrible, horrible person.

(22:42) Reminding the audience that Cersei is motivated by a prophecy. A prophecy that she will have three children, all of whom will predecease Cersei. The fact that show!Cersei has had four children aside, she also says to Jaime, “you couldn’t have stopped it,” which kind of undoes the whole point of making Cersei driven by that prophecy. Everything she does, she does precisely so she can stop it coming true.

(23:10) “Fuck everyone who isn’t us.” Jaime Lannister’s lack of character development in five words.

(24:00) The way Margaery’s voice breaks over her demand to see her brother - Natalie Dormer is way too good for this nonsense storyline.

(24:36) So’s Jonathan Pryce, walking in with a perfectly executed good cop act. At least, Jonathan Pryce’s acting is perfectly consistent with a good cop routine, in a context where a good cop routine makes an awful lot of sense. The High Sparrow may be sincere in everything he says…

(25:01) …but he’s saying the exact same thing as the “overzealous” Septa Unella, just in a gentler tone. Like with Melisandre, this doesn’t look like religious sincerity, this looks like a trick.

(25:34) In addition to this, the scene accomplished nothing. Nobody has changed their minds about anything. Nothing new has occurred. A minute and a half of episode wasted.

(25:53) Doran’s reminiscing about a dead relative he loved very much. He’s toast.

(26:48) Deaths: 6. Tyene instakills Areo Hotah. Must’ve been a critical hit.

(26:56) Deaths: 7. Tyene kills the maester.

(27:10) Ellaria here gives us a motive rant. She references Elia and Oberyn. She says Doran’s people are disgusted with him, as the guards watch impassively.

(27:43) “Weak men will never rule Dorne again.” Deaths: 8. Doran, killed by Ellaria.

What the fuck happened there? Last season, Doran was a clear good guy in this storyline, behaving reasonably and rationally against the super-obviously-evil Sand Snakes who wanted nothing more than to murder an innocent girl, and he had sufficient support of his guards to arrest the malefactors when they acted. This season, Doran’s a weak man who doesn’t deserve to rule, Ellaria and the Sand Snakes are representatives of girl power even though they haven’t changed their position on revenge murders, and the Dornish guards apparently don’t care about anything beyond murdering weak men.

In itself, this really plays like the villains triumphing. Ellaria gets away with murder and commits another, goes on a fucking motive rant, and disparages someone trying to stop a destructive and futile war against massive internal opposition as “weak.” Obviously bad, right? Right. And yet we get to the end of the season and apparently this is a positive step for the Dornish?

(28:03) Trystane is still on the ship. Obara and Nymeria apparate on board undetected, having caught up with this ship somehow. Okay then.

(28:13) Ah, cousin murder, so empowering. Nobody really cares about kinslaying in Westeros.

(28:42) Deaths: 9. Trystane, killed by Obara.

(28:51) Woman called “bitch”: 1. A wonderful and positive example of women interacting, completely necessary to wind up the scene.

(29:05) “We’re never going to fix what’s wrong with this city from the top of an 800-foot pyramid.” Gosh, if only Dany was more a woman of the people. That’s her problem, her rule doesn’t take the lower classes into account enough. (Back in “Hardhome”, Dany’s problem is that she’s ruling without the rich.)

(29:30) Varys is a eunuch: 1. It took just over thirty seconds to get to that “joke”.

(30:07) This bit where Tyrion gives a coin to a starving woman so she can feed her baby…I’m going to quote from the excellent How Not To Write A Novel, because it pretty well encapsulates my feelings about this bit. 

“Perfect people are boring. Perfect people are obnoxious because they are better than us. Perfect people are, above all, too good to be true. […] An unprincipled gold digger who gives twenty dollars to a beggar is enchanting. A crusading human rights lawyer who volunteers at an animal shelter and also pauses on his way to court to give twenty dollars to a beggar makes us gag.”

The narrative’s lost sight of Tyrion’s interiority. The problems he faces are external, not requiring him to change or compromise, not based around his flaws. He already knows the best thing to do - the problem is doing it. But that means that show!Tyrion is now a flat, static character.

(30:35) Abs & pecs: 1.

(30:53) We see here that the Red Priests are preaching in favour of Dany, as is consistent with the anti-slavery stance they had back in season five. Note also the over-explaining of the effect Dany’s removal of slavery has on politics here. I’ll get back to this next episode, where certain things are under-explained.

(31:10) Abs & pecs: 5.

(31:13) So this sermon here is framed as being the Red Priests preaching that Dany has abandoned the former slaves of Meereen. Yet this speech contains lines such as “the people who love the darkness chased [Dany] away” and “will you fight for your own salvation, now that Queen Daenerys is not here to fight for you?” They’re not preaching of Dany’s abandonment, they’re depicting her as a champion of the former slaves driven out by the true enemy and in need of their activism while she’s gone. This Red Priest asks “will you take up her flames yourselves?” This is an unambiguously pro-Dany message, emphasising continuity between Dany’s cause and the current needs of the former slaves, rather than rejecting Dany as too timid and beholden to the Masters. I prefer to think that Tyrion’s established-to-be-crappy Valyrian is getting in the way, because otherwise he’s really bad at interpreting the messaging here.

(31:37) Oh, that’s Dany’s other problem. “You can’t fight an enemy you don’t know.” Man, if only Dany had thought of finding out who the Sons of the Harpy were. Truly, Tyrion is bringing exceptional insight into this situation.

This show is very clearly only as smart as the writers.

(32:12) Abs & pecs: 6.

(32:33) The burning of the ships (in a nice shot, incidentally) was the only new thing to happen in this scene, and it doesn’t have time to breathe. It’s all well and good to re-establish the situation at the beginning of the season, but we had three minutes checking in with the state of Meereen’s economy, and thirty seconds of a major attack on Dany’s future interests. These proportions seem to me backwards.

(32:48) Meanwhile, in the extremely Irish Dothraki Sea…

(33:33) “You keep coming back. Why?” “You know why.” Ooh, ooh, so do I! It’s because Jorah’s a stalker who cares not a whit about Dany’s repeatedly stated desire not to have him anywhere near her! It’s not a romantic tale of unrequited love but a depressingly common romanticisation of behaviour that’s genuinely dangerous!

(33:45) Daario here explicitly mentions that Dany doesn’t want Jorah the way he wants her (a formulation Jorah accepts), and then calls Jorah’s actions romantic. There’s no subversion. No questioning. The show thinks that Jorah’s disregard for “go away, I don’t want to see you again” is romantic.

(35:10) So these master trackers found a ram that was very clearly killed by a dragon and obvious tracks from a Dothraki horde, and yet it takes that fucking breadcrumbed ring for them to conclude “Daenerys was here, the Dothraki must have taken her.” This is not the LotR movie’s “not idly do the leaves of Lorien fall” (not familiar enough with the books and don’t have the time to reread them right now sorry) - in that story, the pursuers were already on the trail, already aware of who the kidnappers were, and the discovered pin was more proof of life than anything else (“not idly do the leaves of Lorien fall” = “that didn’t drop off a Hobbit corpse, that had to be torn off by someone”).

(35:50) Abs & pecs: 7.

(36:24) Plot-critical speculation about whether the carpet matches the drapes, brought to you by Game of Thrones. Just kidding. It’s not plot-critical at all.

(36:55) So that was thirty seconds of dialogue devoted to two unnamed minor characters dicussing how they’d like to rape Dany. Good use of time, writers!

(37:16) Once again we return to shots of butchered meat in the open air as an indication that these people are primitive and uncivilised. Guess what? Food preservation tech back in King’s Landing isn’t great either - but we sure don’t get the shots saying “look how backwards these people are!”

(37:23) Abs & pecs: 8.

(37:48) Abs & pecs: 9.

(37:55) The women, naturally, are immediately jealous of and threatened by Dany. Of course. That’s what women are like, in Game of Thrones.

(38:41) Then we get this wonderful comedy routine about how stripping Dany against her will would be among the five finest things in life.

(39:23) Look, I know that Dany’s seemingly constant appeal to her own titles back in season two was comical, but she was set down for it back in season two. What’s she supposed to do here, not give her name and as many titles as she can heap on, when the alternative is (as has been so clearly articulated) rape?

(40:19) Here’s the better way of showing how grossly misogynistic Dothraki society is, without solid minutes of rape threats - Khal Moro only backs down when Dany says she’s Khal Drogo’s widow. That gets the message across. We could have saved minutes of rape threats.

(41:14) But there’s the plot progression, after six minutes of Dany listening to sexual threats. She’s being taken to Isengard Vaes Dothrak. Six minutes. Alternatively, we could have cut to the chase and shown Dany arriving at Vaes Dothrak. The pacing this season…

(41:22-41:43) We need twenty seconds of following this guy’s shopping trip to understand that this is a street full of beggars, and, gasp! Arya is one of them. You can tell the imagination is running dry, you really can. Earlier seasons would have done this in literally half the time.

(42:16) I do like the out-of-focus background and the very focused street noise, including how we hear the Waif before we see her on screen. That gets across Arya’s internal experiece of blindness nicely for a visual medium.

(42:42) However, I do not understand why this stick-hitting is taking place on the streets, in public. Seems a bit overt for a bunch of covert assassins. Not to mention that once again the Faceless Men can’t teach for crap. Pummeling students is bad teaching, and by all logic will most likely result in a student with broken bones, a deep resentment of their teacher, and an only marginally increased ability to fight with sticks once the broken bones heal.

(43:01) That was two hits to the face, with a staff. God but I hate hate hate what the showrunners are saying about education with this storyline. This is not toughening Arya up. This is beating her up. But it’s all worth it in the end since she becomes a badass assassin!

Did the writers understand what was going on with Alliser Thorne, Jon Snow, and the conflict over training in book one? Randyll Tarly’s attempts to make Sam a knight? I rather think they didn’t.

(43:13) Two more hits to the head with a staff, and a couple of nasty body blows as well. Maybe we can count Arya’s lack of severe injury here as foreshadowing for how she survives that gut wound later.

(43:23) Meanwhile, the other beggars on the street are completely unaffected by the sight of a woman beating the crap out of a girl. Not even “geez, take it off the streets!”

(44:01) Meanwhile, back at the Wall, an armed standoff has developed. I understand that Jon’s supporters are in danger from the mutineers, but this is all just killing time. It’s unnecessary, much like the stuff with Dany, since it neither advances the plot nor develops characters. Skip straight to the fight between the Free Folk and the mutineers. Get to the point.

(45:55) Cut to Melisandre starts here. Just so you all can appreciate how long this scene goes on for.

(46:31) Melisandre looks in a fuzzy mirror.

(46:53) Boobs: 1. What, you think it would be a season opener without tits?

(47:03) Female butts: 1.

(47:39) Gasp! Shock! Horror! Melisandre is old!

(47:44) Boobs: 2.

(47:53) Have a niiiiiiiiice long shot of this naked old woman. Be repulsed and horrified at the fact that women age. The show feels reasonably free to put unattractive naked men on the screen from time to time, but when there’s an unattractive woman on screen, it’s the focus of an episode’s reveal and everything is framed so we can appreciate just how unattractive she is.

(48:01) Female full frontal: 1.

(48:19) Female butts: 2.

So that was the reveal, everyone! What a shocking twist. In hindsight, we can see how knowledge of Melisandre’s true age and appearance makes a huge difference to the plot. Except no, it doesn’t come up again, the only difference is that after this point the showrunners won’t write in topless scenes for Melisandre, because now the audience knows how saggy she really is - it just wouldn’t be sexy anymore. Who needs a whole walk of shame when the same thing can be accomplished in one ponderously slow scene of a woman getting into bed?

The episode is named for Melisandre, and the “important” thing we discover about her here is that she’s old. She doesn’t do anything of plot relevance, and she’s going to be bringing someone back from the dead very shortly. The Red Woman! She’s actually old!

Game of Numbers S06E01

Deaths: 9. Brienne kills three people, Tyene two, and Pod, Theon, Ellaria, and Obara one each. Doran, Trystane, and Areo Hotah were amongst the casualties.

Boobs: 2.

Abs & pecs: 9.

Female butts: 2.

Male butts: 0.

Female full frontal: 1.

Male full frontal: 0.

Woman called “bitch”: 1.

Man called “bitch”: 0.

Varys is a eunuch: 1. Oh, it’s been too long since the last gratuitous mention of Varys’ mutilation!