#i love talking about him WAY too much considering that he's apathetic about most things but??? i still lov..........))

[applestorms]

actually. @moonlarked you wanted someone to talk about near & light as parallels? cuz uh...

ok SO, my big hot take on near is something like this: one of the most common criticisms i see about near is that he is simply too apathetic/bored/uncaring/etc, and that because he is not as emotionally invested as L, his win against light doesn't feel nearly (lol) as satisfying as it could've been. this is a view that often frustrates me, but for a very particular reason— namely, while i think it is somewhat accurate in content, i think it misses a lot of important context (and also misses a lot of the importance of light's character arc, but we'll get to that much later).

one of the most important things to remember about the wammy's kids is that, whether they like it or not, each and every one of them is defined almost entirely through their relationship to L. this is perhaps more obvious in the case of characters like BB and mello, who are very Aware of this shadow being cast upon them and react in very overt, emotional ways (e.g. becoming a literal serial killer out of seemingly pure spite & desire to be noticed, idolizing him but in a very emotionally complicated, kinda detached sorta way, etc), but it is true for Every wammy's kid, purely because of how the house itself functions. these kids are being raised to be L's successor— the greatest (and second greatest, and third greatest) detective on the planet. this is the ultimate goal hanging over every one of their heads, and it places a constant pressure on every kid there.

oftentimes, i think (perhaps both out of story and in it, as well?) people get so caught up in comparing near to L that they forget he also falls under this umbrella— only, for near, his position is slightly different because he actually somewhat succeeds at the task? like, yeah, L never gets the chance to officially call near his successor, but between the fact that he's constantly called the #1 kid at wammy's and that he. literally does actually end up becoming the new L after kira, i think it's always been pretty clear what his path was going to be.

going back to my starting point, this is one of the main ways that near makes a really good parallel to light in my mind, specifically the light that we see right at the start of the series. in both cases, near and pre-DN light, we see a kid who has succeeded at everything they've been handed, and more notably, we see a kid who is bored out of his fucking mind looking at the prospects of what he's got.

in the case of light, this is maybe a little more realistic/easy to understand— light does well in academics, he does well in sports, he does well with people. he is likely to follow in his father's footsteps with something criminal justice/police/law related, but even if he diverges from that path it likely won't be too big of a deal, as he has shown himself to be capable in enough areas that he's likely to succeed no matter what. by all measurable standards, light's doing pretty good at the start of the series. and yet— there is something so distinctly and inherently Bland about his life before he gets the DN. i've said before that light wouldn't call the DN a curse even if he wanted to, but i think in that moment when he's telling ryuk he disagrees w/ his father after visiting him in the hospital, when he says, "I've never once considered finding that notebook and gaining this power a misfortune. In fact, it's made me happier than I've ever been." (ch.22) he's still getting at something real and truthful.

again, going back to my equating of boredom with depression in this series— light's life is pretty good by all measurable standards. he has a family who loves him, presumably more than enough money to get by with a pretty cushy lifestyle, and does well, honestly better than well, in every single system he is presented with. but even so, he's still unhappy. there is something in his soul that has not yet been satisfied. he's bored of the world, bored of his place in it, how easy it all is. what the DN really offers him is a challenge, entertainment— just the same as L, and just the same as ryuk.

near similarly suffers from this kind of boredom, though it is perhaps less overtly stated than in the case of light, L, and ryuk, and less easy to catch as it is not as realistic/common. again: near basically ends up the winner of wammy's house. he is the one to take the title of L, he's declared the smartest, bestest kid at wammy's, and he gets all the power and privilege that comes with such a title. but still— he's so. fucking. bored. much to the embarrassment of mello, this shit was never really a challenge to him. it's pretty obvious that near isn't really even all that attached to the title of L— don't forget that his first real introduction to the story involves him explicitly saying that he'd be just fine working with mello as essentially co-L successors. and this is a viewpoint that he holds onto until the very end of the series, actually, claiming that he was only able to best light due to mello's sacrifice. near doesn't really give a fuck about the rat race he's been slotted into, though it's perhaps for that exact reason that he ends up winning it anyway, and getting all the responsibility that comes along.

that being said, i think there are still two main differences between light and near:

light fucks up.

near never gets past his boredom.

in the case of this first point, i do not mean to say that near never ever makes any move/judgement that could be considered a mistake— mello killing the entire SPK is the first thing that comes to mind, which i see as blood on near's hands for the same reason that L takes at least some responsibility for lind l. tailor. rather, i mean that near never makes a such a monumental fuck-up that he has to overturn his entire worldview just to account for it in the same way that light does when he accidentally kills two people w/ the DN the first time.

it's like, if you've ever known (or been) the kind of kid who always got perfect grades in school, straights A's for K-12, only to reach college and suddenly bomb their first test and have an existential crisis as their only real achievement in life is crushed into dust, then you know light yagami. only for light, it's on a whole 'nother scale, because not only does he fucking oopsie daisy kill two people, but he kills in such a context that he can mentally manipulate it back into seeming heroic. i hate to say that suffering causes character development because that's terrible advice (it's how you react to terrible circumstances that matters, imho) but to some degree, yeah, having conflicts/hard times in life is just necessary to figure shit out sometimes. near (and L, oh goddd i need to write about L properly sometime) has so many things smoothed over and handed to him, and on top of that, he's a super genius very rarely fucks anything up, at least according to base logic. he doesn't even really consider the morality of anything he's doing until light straight up asks him in a desperate bid to keep talking at the end, it's all just logic and factors to consider.

this all leads to my second point, which is that near never really gets the chance to overcome his boredom in the same way as the others. ryuk at least gets his entertainment for a couple years, and light and L (and mello) get so invested in each other and their game that it literally kills them, but near just kinda. keeps going. he keeps being L, he keeps solving cases, he does the duty he was given and enjoys his toys... and that's it. he lies around, the only one left to live, never even taking credit for the end of KIRA, never gets another haircut, and keeps the title going. what a life, for a kid who dragged a god back down to earth.

sidenote1: toys

am i reading too into things? maybe. near's toys hold a lot of significance throughout the story in more specific ways, most notably the finger puppets he uses at the very end of the story while tracking different people's/kira's actions, though you could probably read some kind of meaning into every toy he has and the ways in which he plays with them. what i want to look at here though is more the general reasoning behind playing with them in the first place— a desire for a childhood he didn't get to have? a love of games more generally? (could track with him seeing the KIRA case, or really all detective work, as just another game.) you could also read into his toys as another source for near's apathy/detachment from reality, literally breaking every notable person around him down into a doll by the end of the story, speaking a lot to how alienated he is from the world (again, very similar to both L and light, there). i don't have much more of a point to make here, just wanted to add this in somewhere since it's one of his most striking visual character traits.

sidenote2: light's arc

going back to my point at the start of this post... light's character arc.

uhh. near winning is a good thing, actually. and i don't just mean that as a moral claim— DN itself as a story isn't really concerned with trying to answer any moral questions about good or evil or the justice system, so it makes sense & is fair to me that it doesn't try all that hard to answer anything along those lines by the very end of the story. what i mean to say here is that near winning is a good thing on the level of the character arc, specifically as an end to light's arc.

i made a post a while back while mid-manga reread talking through some of the reasons why L's death can feel kind of unsatisfying/paint the second half of the story in a less interesting light (hah) for a lot of viewers, with the main point i ended up on being that L wasn't really able to win because he never really had all that clear of a win state in the first place. i still kiiind of agree with this point, though i think there's a lot more i could add to that post... anyways. point is, i bring up that post because it touches on a similar thing to what i want to talk about here: light's character arc being a tragedy.

this is more speculation on my part, but i think another part of the reason why people get turned off to DN post-L death is not just the fact that L isn't really a playable character in the game anymore, but the fact that light's character arc takes such a dramatic twist after the timeskip. i talked about this a little bit in my little ramble on light & titles (which a lot of you liked, apparently!! ty for all the lovely comments on there, i love reading what you guys have to say ^w^), but light's character arc in DN is a tragedy to me, full-stop.

tragedies to me are cyclical— revolutionary, if you will. since all stories necessitate some kind of something to take place, a tragedy to me is all about a character beginning in one point, then continually getting hit by Event, after Thing, after Event, only to end up in essentially the exact same place that they started. any character changes or development that seem to happen throughout the story are ultimately nullified by the end— the main subject does not truly grow, does not truly reflect on their actions or traumas, does not move on. two steps forward is two steps back. even ending up in a position worse than they started is sometimes better than a true tragedy, in my mind, as at least then there is some chance they may still reflect or change or grow in the future, leaving the hope that they may still overcome this new circumstance later on. a true tragedy ends in nothing meaningful ever getting the chance to truly change, at least in the case of the main subject of the story.

light's character arc in the first half of the story is an upward, underdog kind of story. yes, light has the power of a shinigami, of a supernatural force that the rest of the world doesn't even know exists— but part of the real appeal of his conflict with L is how powerful L feels in comparison, having the wealth and respect and title to command a world's worth of forces against him. fuck, even taking down naomi misora feels like an incredible hurdle overcome, a teenager managing to charm and yap and flutter his eyelashes out of a shitty situation he was only just lucky enough to stumble across in the first place, to stop someone who could've ruined his entire plan with a few words. killing L was always going to be light's greatest accomplishment when it comes to his rise to godhood, not only because of L's great power but the comparative position of light at the time that he did so— not yet an adult, not even really out of school, perhaps barely out of his parents' house.

in contrast, light's arc for the second half of the story is a downward spiral. we see all of the consequences light has been miraculously avoiding smack into him like meteors in this half, his ever-growing ego torn to shreds as he's yanked back down to earth. and in comparison to the anime, the manga really beats this point into you, dedicating the entire second half of the story to light's fall from grace as he loses his mind and loses his humanity. like, while i do kind of prefer the manga ending to the anime, i have to admit that light's death there is fucking brutal. light goes through pages, chapters, purely dedicated to near tearing him a new asshole, only end the story bloody and delirious and crawling on his knees begging a god of death to fix everything— all just to die the exact same death as everyone else he's killed. i mean, look at these fucking pages (ch.107):

(that last fucking picture of him. clawing at the sky. it always fucking gets to me.)

it hurts to read this shit!! we spend the entire first half of the story watching this dude's rise to glory, the entire time stuck inside of his head, emotionally connecting with him even if we don't really mean to or disagree with his actions or question his morality. watching his fall back down, especially after all of that, is fucking painful— an in no way does near make the process any easier. if anything, his blunt, snarky bitchery, saying all the quiet parts out loud, calling light out for being a terrible replacement L and pointing and laughing at his failures to his face, only shoves more salt in the wound, only proves just how human he has been all this time, how meaningless any of his supposed "rise to power" ever really was. light got his fifteen seconds of fame, sure— but near is armed and ready to make sure that's all he'd ever get, that the name Light Yagami would never even be associated with the position he held for so long. six years was all he got— and it was all he was ever going to get, because light yagami did not do this for humanity, he did it for himself. all near did was collect the debt that L prescribed. he fulfilled his duty as told— nothing more, and nothing less.

i just have to wonder... is this why people hate him? because he has no sympathy for the fall? maybe. i don't know.

either way, i don't think i could ever really hate him. it's a big responsibility, being the only one left behind. but near has always been the one to hold such weights on his shoulders.

[majaloveschris]

Hi Maja, I definitely feel the same way everything is different in this fandom, there was a time when it was fun talking about Chris or even gossip about him or his projects but now it's crazy, people attacking and insulting each other, critizing with hatred it's just awful. But I must admit what bothers me the most is how Chris has changed and not in a good way and it's not because he's married Alba whether people believe it's real or not, it feels like the person he showed over the years was fake and never really existed, he stopped being that man who seemed so down to earth, to care about important issues, now he's like every man in Hollywood so frivolous and apathetic, anyways I wanna say thank you for always being respectful.

It is awful, and it is sad to see that some people can't even express their opinions because others will immediately attack them. None of us knows for sure what goes behind the scenes, and those who say they do (if they don't have any evidence) are, in my opinion, lying about it. I think we all should be capable of having normal conversations about this situation, even if we don't see eye to eye. I think some people take this whole thing way too "seriously," but we have to acknowledge that, after all, the nature of their relationship doesn't have that huge an effect on our lives. Would it be a bummer if they were truly married? Considering Alba and her friends' behavior, yes, it would be. But it won't be the end of the world. We all have very real lives outside of this, and I know a lot of people really loved and respected him, and he was a safe place for a lot of us, but whatever this whole thing turns out to be, life goes on and we have to accept it.

I get what you say, and it definitely feels like there was a huge shift. He isn't that active anymore; he doesn't tweet or post on Instagram, he doesn't really interact with fans, and he doesn't seem to really care about ASP anymore, at least not on the level he used to. However, I kind of get him. While getting involved and getting "together" with Alba was a decision he made, I think we can be all honest here and say that some people take this whole thing too far. I don't like her, and I don't like the whole situation, but I think that what some people do is way too much. I get if people are disappointed; I get if they want to call them out; however, there is a place and a way to do that. Commenting under Jinx's posts or the shelter video is not the place, and calling him a pedofile and a nazi or bullying him because of his appearance is not the way it should be done. If he participates in an ASP video, he is a hypocrite; if he doesn't, he is performative. In a word, for some people, no matter what he does, he is the bad guy. So we can all understand, on some level, that he probably thinks that doing nothing is the best strategy now.

I still don't think that the past decades were a lie. I think it would be impossible for someone to play a role for 20+ years and 24/7. I hope one day we will see the old Chris again.

[verdemoun]

Ok you made like one post about an au where Kieran survives and that is not ok. We need much more than that.

assuming you mean this kieran survives au!

kieran is in a bad way. like - he's been through blessed are the peacemakers but he was already underweight. completely delirious with fever, rambling apologies while his eyes dart back and fourth but completely clouded and not dilatating. chalk white with black, purple and blue bruises that heal to a sickly yellow. there are cuts towards his eyes, completely macerating his face, but it was heat and smoke and physical trauma to his eyes. he would be considered legally blind, night blindness and light sensitivity but can actually see things as blurry shapes and colors.

a lot of his injuries are more personal than arthur's gunshot wound. chest adorned in both deep and shallow cuts like they were planning to carve him up for serving. injuries that were clearly just fists or blunt weapons being used over and over. his left knee, specifically, is shattered. how he managed to get up on branwen and actually stay on almost all the way to shady belle is a miracle

he's so starved he throws up the first bowl of watered down stew they give him and it clicks this is going to be a long, long process.

hosea immediately gives up his room, because they need to keep him inside and warm in a clean environment to stop any more infection

arthur, being a good doting son, immediately insists that hosea take his room and he'll be fine sleeping on the floor in the main living area. little changes --

because, well, now hosea is just down the hall from dutch. and with how stressed he is and how 'demanding' molly is, who would blame dutch for taking comfort in the presence (and bed) of his longest companion?

whole time micah is whining because they're back to robbing coaches and doing small jobs until they figure out a new plan, because admittedly most of their best gunmen are distracted by ensuring there is always someone there taking care of kieran. they thought they buried him. they mourned him, and regretted how they treated him. getting him back, even in that state, seems like the first kindness the gang have experienced in a while

also who the fuck was the headless guy the o'driscolls sent into camp. did they really kill a random guy with a similar build to kieran assuming he died after escaping just to fuck with the gang??

no one ever calls kieran 'o'driscoll' again. when he starts getting his strength back, and of course desperately wants to see the horses, almost the entire gang are discreetly trying to follow him like ducklings in case he needs help.

mary-beth is constantly having to tell them to back off because it's overwhelming all these people who seemed apathetic to him suddenly doting on him and kieran is too soft to remind them he needs space. the gang joke she's been hanging out with sadie too much but mary-beth is constantly reminding them she fended for herself for a long time before the vdls picked her up, is a very accomplished thief and con artist and she will cut a bitch

dutch, with hosea back in one ear and micah still whispering in the other, gives micah his blessing to head back to blackwater and try to get that money back. and surprise surprise, micah gets killed barely a quarter mile across the border. oops

molly has her 'i loved you, you goddamned bastard' breakdown at shady belle, calling bullshit on dutch and hosea's affair when dutch had once said he loved her and completely brainwashed her. with no mention of pinkertons, dutch gave her enough money from the lockbox for a ticket and told her to fuck off back to ireland if she meant something there

dutch sucks and hosea reminds him he sucks and dutch swears he will do better but the gang need to move they've already pushed it being so close to saint denis too long.

dues-ex-kieran duffy. in his timid way, he suggests going back out west since everyone constantly talks about wanting to go west but he knows a whole list of abandoned o'driscoll camps and a rough but doable north-west route around west elizabeth that the o'driscolls used to avoid blackwater after the VDL disaster.

the gang make it out west. they stop to shoot up hanging dog ranch, colm included, along the way. the pinkertons lose their trail. arthur still gets diagnosed with tb, but he's somewhere warm and dry and without the physical and psychological strain of guarma they reckon he has plenty of time left.

the gang naturally disperses. the marstons decide to find their own fortune, uncle and javier in tow. uncle escuella might be sleeping with his dad but jack deserves multiple father figures and javier will always take jack fishing or actually ask about his books even if it is just to complain about the english language. abigail is content living the this is my ugly ass groom john and his boyfriend javier. i hate them both but affectionately.

charles leaves to help the wapiti people only to return the second he hears that arthur has a slow but terminal illness, and they have many years of blissful domesticity together. lenny goes off to school and somehow lives darragh macguire's life as both outlaw and politician. he keeps a photo of sean in his dad's pocket watch. hosea and dutch admittedly return to running cons and robberies because they feel like they're too old to change but it's smaller-scale with less mouths to feed and they get away with it the rest of their natural lives.

bill of all people ends up being the one who went with charles because as problematic as he is robbing the military sounded fun after they fucking booted him, only to end up falling in love with captain monroe and going off on a rainbow-filled adventure of fleeing from the government, the military, and awkwardly helping people out along the way. monroe calls him out on racist bullshit and bill just immediately apologises because wants to be better for his man

grimshaw, who needs to be taking care of people to feel self-worth, takes karen under her wing and saves her from her alcoholic spiral. tilly still meets her husband and becomes a wealthy lady in saint denis, technically employing grimshaw and karen as housekeepers but it's really just an excuse to keep her found family together

kieran and mary-beth stay at the gang's original settlement and accidentally end up running a stable. mary-beth gets to write her novels but she does develop a soft spot for helping out in the barn because kieran talks so passionately about horses she can't help love them too

everyone's happy enjoy a fix it au the end

[akuma-tenshi]

tell me ur theories abt 100 epitaphs

had to go back to get screenshots bc i felt like i was going insane. so:

at the very beginning, during the lyrics "lay your emotions with them like a mourning wreath", there's a shot of kt's face on a headstone. which makes me believe she may have been terminated at some time during this whole thing and there's going to be a twist where yura gets into the facility with whoever the hell decides to join him only to learn she's been dead this whole time and all this was for nothing

my friend pointed this out when the video first came out but there's a shot of yura during the first chorus where he's surrounded by several mostly-unnamed characters when they say "another apathetic epitaph". iirc he's between kolya and nikita, both of whom are dead, and their faces are shown in frames, likely symbolising those photos that are displayed during funerals. which could very possibly foreshadow yura dying, probably during the mission to save kt.

olga being shown with flowers sprouting out of her does not give me hope for her. this is especially worrying considering the fact that she's shown in occam's razor during the line "but some ventures require a sacrificial lamb" - this could refer to her taking the fall for yura after the whole incident in the zone but it's still concerning. oddly enough i'm less confident in this than in my yura and kt dying theories bc it just doesn't feel like olga would die (wouldn't make sense or be satisfying from a narrative perspective) but it's still possible. if she doesn't die then she's definitely not coming out of this the same

this is not the last we've seen of sergei. this may just be wishful thinking (love that square......) and ik he basically just gave up on sanya. but anyone who's tried to help an especially difficult person will tell you it's not that easy to just let them go, especially considering that he's already done so much for her and still has skin in the game even if he does completely drop his sister (*gestures vaguely at that one drawing of him reading a book on "breaking your girlfriend out of jail" or smthn.... ik it's just a silly joke but i'd be fuckin hyped if we got sergei breaking olga out of prison). something tells me he's going to keep trying to influence things from afar without getting too invested; whether he'll keep trying to help sanya or just focus all his effort on olga, i'm not sure.

sanya is becoming another yura. she's getting more hopeless and desperate, not to save kt but to protect / help yura. she's doing crazier and crazier shit and has managed to stay in contact with him even though sergei tried to stop them from meeting. the shot of her laughing surrounded by candles, the shot of her sitting so nonchalantly against the wall talking to dima, the shot of her standing up to sergei to protect yura... she feels very yuracore and it worries me. also the shot of her strangling her past self, the one that was much more optimistic and bright yet sheltered.. any writer will tell you that having a character literally harm / kill their past self is the number one way of indicating that they're completely cutting off their past and moving on.

this is a very stupid theory but kolya isn't actually dead. he plays way more of a role in 100 epitaphs than he ever did before. and yes nikita has content too but there are just.. so many shots of kolya (the one that stands out most to me is of him sitting in the center of the screen with headphones on). he may not be the same person but like. what if the grinder didn't kill him?? what if he's alive, just far away from all this?? what if he comes back?? changed and injured but still kolya. ((god i hope i'm talking about the right person here if that isn't kolya i'm going to look like such a dumbass))

also the title "100 epitaphs" and the prominent presence of two (supposedly) dead characters.... it doesn't inspire confidence in a lot of these characters' chances of surviving.

sorry if some of this is incoherent or just downright weird, i've been up for a while. but i will always take up an opportunity to rant about this video it's had me positively ill. i was literally fucking shaking while typing this

[shineonyoucrazyyandere]

Hello there! This isn’t a request, but a brainrot of mine. Before that lemme say it will have major spoilers for Jojolion;

I don’t why but out of all the jofoes, Pucci and Toru are the ones who scares me the most especially if we consider them as yanderes (which is not that far off. One is born without knowing unconditional love, seeing he was abandoned the moment he was born by his mother— and the closest thing to a mother or love he had is a wasp, which he didn't hesitate to eat if it meant his survival—which may or may not be the reason for his parasitic lifestyle. While the other could not accept that fate that his sister was dealt and was willing to go the extremes).

Both of them are hella manipulative, and are quite natural at pulling the string with their darling. So much so, I very much doubt that their darling suspect anything about them, until It’s too far late for them to do anything about it. It doesn't help that they both work in a philanthropic jobs; ones a priest, the other as a doctor/nurse. So asking for help against them would only make onlookers doubt your words as mere accusations.

Since I see these two in particular to gradually isolate their darling from the world under the premise of their greater good —They are hella selfish, one denies it (Pucci) and the other is apathetic towards it even if he knows it's wrong (Toru)—and ensure that that they are completely dependant on them. That way they could never leave them. It's quite ironic how both Pucci and Toru share the same fear when it comes to their darling; That being the fear of their beloved leaving/replacing them.

With Toru, I can see him using his position as head doctor to access sedatives and using it on his darling if they’re were particularly antsy that day (Only as a last resort, if he could not sweet talk them). Medical yanderes are scary in general—looking at you Secco and Cioccolata in particular— due to many things like their access to their darling private information and drugs.

I can,also, see that both their obsession pass on their stands too.

With Whitesnake, I see it being privy about his user’s beloved memories (I see Pucci using WS to manipulate his darling’s memories to his benefit. Push them closer to him, it's not like they lost a significant memory or anything. Ngl, It is a terrifying thought. Imagine a strange priest proclaiming that he is your spouse and you can't remember if it was true or anything).

With Wonder of U, the moment that Toru goes into his sleep cycle—like most rock humans do (Darling be like: Finally I can escape him afterall 🥳. WoU: You sure about that? 🤨)—He would tail his user’s darling to ensure that they don't leave Morioh at all by sabotaging their escape attempts. Oh, you want to use the airport to escape? Too bad, the the plane suddenly exploded due to some technical issues. The port? Too bad, unexpectedly a tsunami had struck it drowning whatever available ships there is.

His tailing doesn't stop at preventing his user’s darling at escaping, but also at ensuring that they don't enter into another relationship or/and seek help from let say other people. WoU won't hesitate to goad said people into pursuing him, so they could vanish under mysterious circumstances.

At some point, the darling would stop engaging with people as the guilt eats their mind. Thinking they were cursed.. After all, no matter where they go death—freaky accidents—follow them unaware of the presence of WoU (Which canonically one of it’s ability is to disguise itself. Imagine it disguising itself as one of the darling’s relative, maybe like their grandfather and the darling is none the wiser to it 💀) under their nose making sure that they stay with Toru at all cost. They'll be all alone. After all, they are meant to be together with him and Toru.

Sorry if I prolonged, hahaha: It’s just there’s little content for Jojolion and I have a brainrot for it.. 😅

First off your brainrot is absolutely amazing here, like I’ve read this a few times over and mulled on it before finally making a response. I welcome all and any Jojolion brainrot, it’s one of my favorite parts.

I feel it’s accurate to say both Toru and Pucci would both be extremely terrifying, Yandere. Everything you put down pretty much summarizes what I think as well.

Just imagine having the use of WoU against you, calamity, disguise or otherwise on top of that being around sedatives (and knowing how to administer) is a whole different level of terrifying.

or your memories slightly altered at Pucci’s discretion. Sends chills down my spine just thinking of either of those. Man I’d have more thoughts but this is just so great I barely have any words.

I’ll at least say it’s terrifying being “trapped” by either of those circumstances, You’re practically helpless. Probably one of the more scary types of horror/Yandere in my opinion.

[sirwow]

Hi wally!

Since you asked me about paian, let me ask you about loghail! What parts of them in canon did you like and how did you end up with your interpretation of them in rdcc :0?

Also as a bonus you can also use this as an opportunity to ramble about hinode and lucia because idr if you've rambled abt them on tumblr much :]

Ooh loghail… Iv got a lot of thoughts about them after reading way too much into how they act. Get ready for autism blast

First Logan. One of the main things that I kinda stuck to when it came to giving him more personality then just “boyfail” is the fact despite us seeing him fail at least 3 times in game and like another 2 in the Middlesea comics, he never gives up. He’s very determined to do something even if it takes him a lot longer then others to do it. It’s why I like to imagine in the baseball arc he was far far from the best player but still stuck to it because his star Lucky was giving him a chance and who was he to turn that down?

Logan also is very much the stereotypical boy character on purpose so I kinda ended up embracing that fact. He’s made special by the fact he’s just a normal dude stuck in a hospital with way weirder things and has to figure out how to navigate that. Makes friends with a random samurai, sneaks into the cafe to vent to the other most normal person, talks to birds. He’s trying his bestest and I love him for that.

Now as for Hailey due to how Iv written her in CC there’s a lot more to say and dig into. First thing that most people might disagree with but what makes CC Hailey well CC Hailey is she is. Really apathetic n aloof and she is probably subconsciously aware of that fact. She can’t wrap her head around why Logan is so wishy washy (it’s called 14yr crippling anxiety sweetie), ditches him with no other words in 3-1n, doesn’t really catch onto Cole having a crush himself, tells Logan to go outside more and get off his phone as a passing joke. There’s probably a few I’m forgetting but yeah. But it’s clear she does care even if she can’t show it in the subtle ways. She makes the baseball team outfits, stitches bears for everyone in the comics, is very patient for Logan despite the wishy washyness.

Though this aloof nature also plays into her being A hypocrite and unintentionally a jerk. Again with all the Logan stuff above n the fact she doesn’t wanna confess just because she feels entitled to Logan doing it as we can tell from the pre-4-4 dialogue. All of this together combined with the blatant “why is there a teenager alone on a train” moment kinda is why I gave her the rough home she has in CC. Her behavior is indicative of normalizing toxic behavior, fear of losing stuff again, and having extreme independence for a 13-15yr. Going alone across the desert in a train at that age is not normal behavior nor is just talking to random strangers. lovingly. So alas she’s got the bad home life that’s forced her to be dependent on herself- giving her sass and a bit of a high horse but low empathy and unfamiliarity with normal social ques. Also probably some autism in there lol

As for them as a couple there’s not too much else then me wanting to see them improve for the better. Logan growing a spine for himself at the mistreatment and Hailey stopping being so flippant with everything in their relationship. They’re still working off each other through the unknown and strange situations they’re thrown in and love each other more for sticking by.

Now then I’m probably just going to do Lucia alone because while I love you Hino there’s still a lot of writing that needs to happen in that area hehe. Consider this the kid trio explaining.

So Lucia, she’s only got one level to work with and there’s really not much we get from it other then she’s a talented artist for her age (same range as Logan n Hailey) and she’s into video games because of the end text. Therefore I made everything about her up based off vibes alone.

As a result Lucia in CC is an overachiever, straight A student with very well off hardworking parents. Her father a famous Middlesea architect and her mother a entomologist (bug scientist). Lucia however is also generally the victim of her own made stress and why she’s in the hospital sometimes for both anxiety and a racing heart. (And why she’s got both SVT type beats and overlapping classics). Was always a loner kid more interested in the recess bugs and books then ever playing but still kept a keen eye on all the drama going on. One day when Logan hid behind her from bullies during recess she scared them off with a handful of bugs. He didn’t seem too scared of them and he was quiet so Lucia let him stick around till Logan n Lucia became a bit attached to each other’s sides as the weird lonely kid best friends.

Opinion on Hailey is a nice friendly surface level but at the core their personalities clash hard. Lucia doesn’t get how she can be so apathetic and unaware sometimes when she herself notices every little social cue she can almost obsessively. Her not being the greatest to Logan also makes Lucia iffy but remains cordial and friendly to try and understand her better. Though being again, 14 there’s some things she just doesn’t know enough about to notice.

So yeah that’s the basic tldr on these three and Hinode will have to wait another day for if someone asks about all the characters families sob. Thank you so much for the ask the brain rot sure is rotting <33

[9800sblog]

yunho tarot reading

public persona vs real personality

do i have his energy permission to do and share this reading? ace of swords, 6 of pentacles

it's no wonder mingi and yunho are close friends, their personalities are incredibly similar!

persona

heavy, intimidating persona, specially because of ateez' concept. as often, his persona depends a lot on what's being asked of him, what type of content he's making. in general, yunho likes to present as someone who is self composed and reliable, traditional to please the elders yet sexy to please the youngers. he brings extensive power to performances and photoshoots, he likes to look scary sometimes as it's part of the concept. for entertainment purposes, yunho seems to think that the weirder the better, literal self humiliation came through in the cards, he likes to act as an annoying young brother to be funny. this also implies that the person he is on camera is intrinsically different from the person he is in private. he comes up as someone who is welcoming and warm, open to all types of people and non-judgmental. he is definitely a protector of those he sees suffering, as he himself has no problems, no issues and nothing that ever bothers him (🤥). yunho doesn't talk to other celebrities unless he's working with them, I don't think he cares about making friends based on status. I literally got the 3 of cups reversed amongst other cards for this section, he may not relate to the celebrity lifestyle/social life, and just not talk to anyone in a substantial or significant way. conversations seem superficial, like small talk about their job and the weather haha with fans, it's the very classic, tired thing of being obsessed with everyone of them all the time. he follows along to what each fan expects and plays a part/character, specially pretending to be romeo and juliette, "forbidden love" thing. he seems to be quite apathetic about this, this is the heaviest part of the reading, bringing some anxiety and headaches, the cards indicate boredom and a lack of care, it's just his job he don't care, but he may find it embarrassing and laugh at himself sometimes kkkkkkk oh the things we gotta do for money, like calling ourselves a dog

personality

oh yunho is very childlike, he may feel that he's growing up too slowly and doesn't feel like an adult. he can get often distracted and scared, needs someone to protect him from himself in a way. he can be quite self-centered and he doesn't try to be like everybody else, yunho is the type to figure out what works for him personally and go for that with confidence. he can also get vindictive, jealous and when he gets angry it can be extra scary or destructive as he's usually such an easy-going and nice guy (as I know tumblr, this doesn't mean that he beats up walls or people, he may just cut people off or cuss, I know this app loves drama). friends are a big part of yunho's life, he likes to be a leader instead of a follower, decide where they're hanging out, what they're doing, etc (peep yunho and mingi's entire dynamic haha) he prefers having a small number of honest and soulful friendships than an army of followers who only know his name and status. yunho enjoys all sorts of activities with friends, as long as they're together, he doesn't mind, they just gotta match. he enjoys sitting in a garden talking about his feelings as much as he enjoys pretending to be superheroes in a loud bar. his current friendgroup is probably filled with people he's known all or most of his life. yunho seems to hold intense gratitude towards his family, these are the people that know him the best, he'd never deny that. the ones that protect him and make him feel safe to be himself, he doesn't hide his emotions or pretend to be anything around them, he tends to just rest and do nothing around them, unproductive. some of what he considers family may not be blood relatives, found family. he rests by doing absolutely nothing and has fun by doing a lot, he enjoys things that test his morality and explore his psyche, also likes to live vicariously through others, watching stuff (tv, gameplay, youtube, sports, etc), hearing stories (podcasts, books, music, etc) or playing games. he likes the things that shake him up and bother him a bit, bring him out of himself comfort zone while still standing in comfort. when he's alone, he's just lazy, may lack direction and go into survival mode, aka only care about eat, sleep and poop. he may often distract himself to escape boredom by doing many things at once, he likes intense videogames and he may be the type to listen to music, while reading and eating at the same time. he may find his casual, alone self to be boring and try harder to be interesting when in public, he seems nervous about his identity, not in a worrying way, but in a "young adult who is naturally still growing his confidence and sense of self" way. he's also an incredibly supportive and giving person, he would literally die/kill for those he loves and would give away his own house if they needed one. yunho seems like the opposite of materialistic, but he still cares a lot about the quality of what he surrounds himself with, it seems that even when alone he's still trying hard to be a good artist, rehearsing and working beyond the hours requested and alone, he really loves art. he also seems really weird when he's alone, talking to himself, making himself laugh, he may like to prank people too. I'd describe his energy in the private section of the reading as a magical healing starry heart, he's innocent and just genuinely really nice.

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

when i tell you i am frothing at the mouth reading through your metas. oh my god. obsessed with everything you have to say. we seem to have a few of similar opinions and theories regarding dazai and i love it. he’s my absolute favorite character in the series and second favorite character out of fiction overall and i just LOVE what you have to say about him so much!! your theory on him being the book’s seal? BRILLIANT oh my god so interesting. i’ve never had any real reason for it nor specific idea of why they’re wealthy, but just today i was talking to a friend about how i’ve always kind of had a feeling that he grew up wealthy, and so when i saw the one of him being the son of mafia benefactors it caught my eye so fast. i just have this image in mind?? as him as a young child, right after the war ended — maybe he’s 11 or 12? — sitting silently in the back of a full classroom, maybe at a private school (his parents are neglectful, always having had preferred to send him away rather than raise him), observing all of his classmates with an apathetic expression on his face. he doesn’t fit in with them; he never has. always excluded, and most of the time, it’s of his own accord. he doesn’t feel like them, doesn’t understand why they are just so… different from him. he often is punished by his parents for it, the purposeful seclusion and all the things that come along with it, because despite the fact that they neglect their other duties as parents, they never forget to punish him. omg i’m getting so carried away describing this i’m rambling again LOL sorry!!!! -from, frog!

Hello Frog! :)

Sorry this took me so long to reply! I'm really glad you're enjoying my analyses, and that you shared your thoughts with me!

Dazai is a really fascinating character. For all that we follow him in the story closely and get to see what he was like and how he changed at different ages, he's very much still a mystery. It makes it really fun to theorize.

The "he had a wealthy family who were probably associated with the Mafia" comes from three places:

He's stated to not be an orphan in Fifteen, or connected to Mori in any way before their agreement. But he had to be someone, or some random 14 year old wouldn't make any sense as a key witness whose word would be believed by the Mafia.

He clearly knew the Old Boss and vice versa, but he's apparently never seen death up close before, nor was he a part of the Mafia. That doesn't make it seem like he's the Old Boss' son or grandson or anything. Maybe he was a nephew, for Hamlet reasons. (That actually might work, considering irl Dazai wrote his own spin on Hamlet... food for thought!)

Oba Yozo's backstory in No Longer Human, as an alienated young boy who couldn't seem to feel or understand the importance of the things his wealthy family placed importance on, and so disguised his true feelings and fear of being "found out" by clowning to make everybody laugh. (Overly simplified, but I don't want to get too into it in case you haven't read it. The author also came from a wealthy family, so I feel pretty confident about this take on his backstory!)

If you enjoy Dazai backstory theorizing, @daz4i has some good headcanons. You've already read mine, but I've since written the first chapter of a fic called Clear Eye on ao3, which does kind of go into my own interpretation of it. There's also lots of other theories out there that are worth a look!

And of course, maybe you have written something yourself in this span of time... (if you have, please let me know!)

[fandomfluffandfuck]

Just had a thought. Apparently Chris Evans has/ does smoke weed and I was thinking what's he like when he's high does he go frat boy jumping around bro that and that or is he a puppy when he's high like giggly and sweet maybe energetic but after he crashes is super sleepy, and seb probs tested it in college he definitely seems like he would go sweet but dopey. Anyhoe lots of love <3

Yeah!

I think the original article/public thing Chris has said about weed comes from The Hollywood Reporter:

“It’s exactly what you think it is,” Evans says. “A lot of young actors. A lack of parental supervision. A lot of, uh, debauchery. You make a lot of strange connections with a lot of thirsty people, but you kind of are one of the thirsty people, too. It was a great time. It really was. It’s like the L.A. welcoming committee. The same kids I met there are probably still kicking around, meeting the new batch of kids and showing them where to buy weed. You had to know that, back then. You couldn’t just walk into a store.”

So how does that work these days, for you? Can Captain America just walk up in the dispensary?

“You know, I’ve chilled out on weed,” Evans says. “I used to love it, but now I think it’s the one thing that gets in my way. It zaps your motivation. I think apathy kind of bleeds in, and you start to think, ‘Well, I’m not apathetic, I just don’t feel like doing that.’ And it’s like, no — you would feel like doing that if you weren’t stoned. And, you know — I’m 37. I can’t be smoking weed all the time. That’s crazy.”

But also, if I'm not insane, I remember Mackie talking up Chris' ability to roll joints at one point? Although, take that with a massive grain of salt because I can't find the source for that. I may have imagined it haha. Whatever, either way-

Y-E-S

You are entirely fucking right.

"frat boy jumping around bro" OR "puppy... like giggly and sweet maybe energetic but after he crashes is super sleepy"

I see more of the crashing, giggly, sweet puppy than I see the frat bro considering that from the man himself, he says it chills him out so much that he doesn't get shit done. But also, I just think that makes sense for him. It's what I would've thought without hearing him talk about it. Because as much as I love Frat Boy Evans, he turns into a Frat Bro when he's drunk, so... weed would be the opposite, right?

I mean, I don't think that's how things actually work but, it's how I'm imagining it so whatever lol

Plus, now that you have me thinking about it... I'm picturing Chris slouched down real low on an overstuffed couch, smiling with his eyes basically closed, they're so heavily lidded, laughing a little at nothing as he puffs on a joint. He keeps gently whacking himself in the chest and stomach as he laughs. He's still not really laughing at anything and any sober person there would plainly be able to see that but... surrounded by a bunch of other stoners it just carries them along on residual laughter. It's lazy and easy and playful; the only thing on the docket is maybe some video games and music and slurred, incomprehensible conversation. Oh, and naps too. Naps will for sure fucking happen because they haven't got anywhere to be, anything to do, just soaking in the relaxing high.

(Also I keep thinking about Chris getting high with Seb or someone he's dating at the time-- girlfriend, or whoever--and full-on nuzzling his face into their arm or chest. He just fucking loves them and feels safe with them. So, he just nuzzles in and huffs out this little laugh, happy about it, and then, he most definitely will hum out of pure pleasure if they sink their fingers into his hair to play with it. He loves that shit when he's high.)

And for Sebastian...

You are one thousand percent correct, he would go dopey and sweet. Even sweeter than Chris. I mean, Chris he goes get a little puppy-like but it's more pure relaxation. For Sebastian, I feel like it would bring out complete sweetness in him.

Like, he's giggly and silly at first but then as time goes on and he gets higher and higher... he'd go so sweet that he ends up being empty-headed. Lots of staring at nothing, losing time, just being. He smiles and laughs but doesn't really know what's funny, he just feels all space-y.

Which, is completely ADORABLE. By anyone's standards. He's just so simple and sweet when high.

(That or, depending on what strain Seb has or how he gets high--smoking, edibles, drinking, etc--he might not be empty-headed sweet but instead a fucking rascal. I can see that based on how Sebastian sometimes gets bratty and sarcastic, so he might turn into even more of a combative little brat lmao. Especially if he's getting high with Mackie. I feel like they'd be liable to get into giggle fits where they end up poking or slapping each other like literal children. And Seb would tease back or make very, very inappropriate jokes, disregarding his own blush for the stupid honor of one-upping Anthony's shenanigans.)

And get the boys high together...

They would be a pile of mush.

Chris and Sebastian just pile on top of each other and melt. Laughing and cuddling and trying to convince each other that they should start hooking up but... neither of them actually end up starting anything beyond some lazy open-mouth kisses, huffs of laughs plus lopsided smiles pressed into shoulders and chests, and slow, uncoordinated grinding. It's quite the sight.

[rowan-sins]

𝖒𝖆𝖙𝖈𝖍𝖚𝖕 𝖋𝖔𝖗 𝖒𝖞 𝖉𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖊𝖘𝖙 𝖋𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖓𝖉 @theluckychemist​

𝔱𝔥𝔦𝔰 𝔦𝔰 𝔰𝔩𝔬𝔱 (2) 𝔬𝔣 (10). 𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔯𝔢 𝔞𝔯𝔢 (8) 𝔰𝔩𝔬𝔱𝔰 𝔩𝔢𝔣𝔱

You are so bright and excitable, and Persospero finds himself wishing to cherish and nurture your spontaneousness and protect you from it at the same time. He adores you though. You’re soft, you’re sweet, you’re like a taffy that makes your saliva sickeningly sweet before you swallow.

He’s a cuddle bug through and through. Loves sitting you on his lap while he works, he loves feeding you sweets (he eyes the way your lips wrap around a jaw breaker before it pops into your mouth), and he loves having you close. Sometimes he just drops by to visit on your lunch while you work. (He obviously brings you food… sweets).

He’s a great listener too! He loves listening to you talk about whatever; it helps keep his mind off of the things stressing him out. Even if you’re just ranting about your coworker who steals your pens, he never, ever makes you or your problems feel small. If you need support, he’s there, if you need solutions, he’s bringing out a whiteboard on wheels and you’ll both find a solution to it. He’s too stubborn to leave you hanging. “I think giving him fake candy pens was still the best idea, my love.” “I’m considering it, I truly am, but I need to look into lab safety protocols before we resort to something so… drastic.”

Sometimes, you’ll need to drag him away from his work and his duties. Luckily he’s not too hard to distract when you know how to do it right. He’s very physically affectionate once he gets the chance so trailing your fingers up his arm gets him itching to hug you. “Come to bed darling… it’s late.” “Just a few more minutes, my love.” “We both know I can’t sleep unless you’re holding me.” And then you’re off to be cuddled.

He’s not too much of a gift giver, but if you tell him you’re in need of something it’s in your hands before you can go off to buy it. That new graphics card? In your computer before you order it. That new plushie you’ve been eyeing? It’s on your bed, against the pillow when you go to your room to change into your pajamas. He does randomly give you candy though. He quickly figures out your favorite flavor too. Your dentist hates him.

He's so proud to have you as a lover too. He’s not afraid to show you off and he openly brags about you. You two are the power couple of the Charlotte family. She was iffy about you at first but as she saw how you made her son stronger, happier, more determined; she knew you were here to stay and not only made peace with it but would make war with your absence.

A determined woman for a determined person. She’s the kind of person that paved her own way in the world and is proud of the path she made for those to follow. She’s as kind as she is merciless, as nurturing as she is apathetic, and as powerful as she is vulnerable. She’s follow of contradictions that make sense only with her, and you hold her together.

Late nights in her chambers, the steam from her bath between the two of you, she would share her most secret thoughts, and listen as you share yours. She lives for your softer moments, when your eyes light up and your smile spreads from ears to ears. She can’t help but be drawn to your excitement, to your passion.

She’s scared to touch you at first. Like this thing you have with her is made of glass, like one mis-step will shatter her whole reality with you. That she’ll be left on her throne with only her purpose, and nobody to share it with her. Nobody to share herself with.

You love how bold she is. Demanding even. As soon as she knows it’s safe too, she’s quick to take the reigns of your relationship, giving in to your whims, no matter how small. She views herself as a provider in a sense. A shelter for you. You’re worth protecting, just like everything else she fought to have.

When she wraps her arm around you, the world loses its mind. The most beautiful woman in the world is finally in love. But how could she not when you saw her for the person she existed as beyond her looks and title. You saw her heart, beating and begging to be known but also afraid. You held it in your hands and loved it with a warmth that rivaled the sun.

How could I not pair an evil scientist with my friend who could be an evil scientist if they really wanted to. Caesar Clown towers over you in more ways than one: height, power, intelligence. But he finds you cute, endearing even. Sharing a laboratory with you isn’t as obnoxious as having any other of his numerous assistants around.

And so, a reluctant friendship blooms into a full-blown obsession. One day he wakes up and you’re all he can think about. The way you walk, the way you talk with your hands. It consumes him wholeheartedly like a kerosene fire.

Give him a chance. Look past the fact that the flowers he grew for you himself look like they’re breathing. Look past how disastrous the first date was. Because listen, he’s going to put effort into this. Because he cares. A lot. He let you braid his hair into pig-tails once! He truly does.

His main love languages are acts of service and words of affirmation. Tell him how much he means to you. Give him a shoulder rub. Pack his lunch. You already have him whipped. Just give him a reason to throw it all away and he will. Or don’t, because helping him in the lab is so much fun. Especially when he rewards you for your hard work.

Either way you guys are QUITE the couple. For the history books even. This man will make you evil!madame curie.

[bfdifan26]

everything i have to say abt every burner character, my interpretations of every one as of rn because i quite literally cant wait for episode 3 so i need to distract myself. disclaimer of sorts, if you couldn’t tell, i see these guys as way more human than probably intended. like i feel as close to them as you would with say your childhood neighbours (DISCLAIMRR i was actually going to do all of them but i ended up not feeling like it. i overestimated myself for once with burner isn’t that crazy. i hope what i ended up writing is good)

-roomy

roomy to me is one of the coolest types of characters like ever. shes been completely isolated for her whole life apart from daddy long legs being close with her, and she seems to be very desperate to please people and to just do whatever is “nice”. she doesn’t necessarily want or dream of anything because she hasn’t seen anything to want. episode 2 was the first exposure to the real world she’d ever gotten. also she really likes kit and spraypaint and was referring to them when she said “all for you two to explore”

-daddy long legs

despite him being the host, i dont actually think he’s the one behind burner. i don’t think he’s the one who teleported them in. and he definitely wasn’t born in the realm! he used to have a normal life in the real world until, thanks to the same being that teleported the contestants, he got sent to the realm without warning one day, and he has been instructed to do the same to other people and make them compete against eachother, for a reason which i havent exactly gotten figured out in my head yet, and hey, maybe he isn’t entirely sure either. anyway personality wise, i think his shyness and how he gets talked over indicates that during his time in the real world, he was seen as the quiet kid, and was shunned whenever he’d try to join in a conversation, and when he got teleported this of course stayed with him, although because of the burner contestants this will slowly begin to fade the more time he spends around them. also yes i do think our cast are the first people this is happening to

-erasey

i love erasey and i am so crazy excited to see what’s going on with them as the series progresses. they used to be completely different as a person, sort of like limey or pilly. they were sent to the realm for a few minutes when they were a kid, even way before daddy long legs was, and from that point dedicated their life to figuring it out. however, during a sort of experiment of theirs that went wrong, they lost an eye and left arm, and were sort of broken by that, it was realised they’d bit off more than they could chew. that was when they became the erasey we know now, laid back and apathetic about most things. not hanger though. erasey loves hanger the way a mad scientist loves their lab rat, but in this case in the non fucked up Im Going To Torture You For Results way. lol

-playdoh

ah playdoh my least favourite one but really that doesn’t mean too much considering i love them all so dearly so i honestly love him too. he has no like psychological reason to be the way he is he’s just. a bitch. like that’s it. he expects everything from everyone around him and for him to do nothing in return for that to be deserved. the realm is his first experience where that is not the case and people are actually opposing him, hence why he’s the most hostile towards rosey and hanger. i like to think hes gonna be changed by the end of the show.

-spraypaint

although i do really like her i dont have much to say except her personality and whole demeanour interests me and i feel like she kinda grew up having to be this dangerous confident figure to even stay afloat for her family n stuff. i do not like the fact that her knife potentially is just laying around on the floor somewhere still

-tissues

oh my goodness this guy. he is my 2nd favourite! i say this about every character but i mean it the most with him when i say i am super excited to see what their whole deal is and what the extent of his powers are and why they seem to know way more than he lets on. i also just really like his personality lol. one of my favourite moments in the show so far is when record said she was warming up for the challenge and tissues thought she meant literally warming up and got all worried that she was sick. them and record remind me of simon and marcy for literally no valid reason

[strawberry-metal]

Considering how Narancia was during the Death Loops arc, how would he have reacted if he found out about Fugo's unrequited crush/love for Sakura?

Ok I'm gonna provide some lore for both context, and for the fact that it will technically answer this question, but I gotta give a trigger warning for self harm and suicidal thoughts. Click read more if reading that won't trigger you.

We technically get an answer to this during Rei in the Illusion World Fernande creates as the council tries to punish the witch and warlock for the many things they've done that go against the mages code. I'm just gonna copy and paste here from the writing what Fernande did in the illusion world (also I'm just gonna spoil this, Fernande is speaking with Granny Ann at the end, but Ann's words are not listed, they're for your imagination):

*The unconscious mind is followed by a long silence, the world that they wake up to is very different*

"Saki... your interference wasn't too big of a problem. If anything it proved quite entertaining. How just your presence alone could change the outcome of a world so greatly....however you advocated for them. You supported them, and you were always able to keep Narancia calm. You may remain, but you will return to your timid self."

"Mista, you weren't afraid to speak up and try to snap him out of it whenever his delusions acted up. One time you both clashed so bad it got you both killed. It's mostly the women here who became a problem, but... if I leave you be, you will interfere. You simply have too much love and passion, you're also reckless. I'll simply have to make you more apathetic and lazy. But don't worry.... you will still have the others, as well as your skilled gunmanship."

"Yasha. You're very close to Saki. If she changes so suddenly that definitely won't go down well with you. Not to mention, you're very blunt and speak your mind. You're also most likely to interfere. I will simply make you what you claim is a doormat. Yamato Nadeshiko. You'll still get along with everyone...but now you'll never speak out."

"Everyone else can just do with a simple memory alter...but....hmm....if you two end up getting together again, it'll be a problem. I hate to interfere with someone else's love affairs to stop this one but..."

"....Fugo. You'll do. You never truly got over her, have you? You still have feelings for her deep down... perhaps if it was you who confessed and got with her, so much of this chaos could of been avoided. This is your last chance."

".....What's that....?"

"No....I will be keeping close watch for anything else that needs altering, I assure you...."

"Hmm.....?"

"Yes. I promise you it will be most entertaining...."

"But...isn't that all you ever care about? A cure for your boredom?"

"....Forgive me, I spoke out of tone. .....Yes, I shall get started right away."

Mareike was also sealed away in one of Sakura's earrings and it needed to be broken open to release her, which sends Sakura into a spiraling rage because that earrings was her first ever, a gift from her dad, and the wounds of her parents dying over and over are still too fresh. Fernande at one point tries to get Setsuka to get with Narancia when she sees his deteriorating condition, to which she refuses and leaves, and the witches, Lucy and Cressidia, help to free everyone by giving a crystal that helps with rememberance. Ultimately, everyone breaks out of the illusion world by their own power and sealed away memories, the crystal only helps. Which eventually leads to the final duel with Fernande. I've talked about this before I think?

However I still haven't answered your question have I? Sorry, I just wanted to provide more context and lore while I was at it, heh. But as you read, that means Fernande tried to make Fugo and Sakura into a couple. (Obviously they both break out of it and it doesn't last. Sakura almost dies from her attempt though as the spell is way stronger on her than anyone else and Giorno has to heal her, as the spell was so strong it tried to kill her.) Narancia's reaction? It was violent.... but he didn't attack Fugo. He had violent thoughts of attacking Fugo and in response to those thoughts he instead harmed himself. He clawed at his own arm until it bled and wanted to take his life with his knife to which Bruno confiscated it before he had a chance to.

All Narancia ever wanted was a family. He got that with the Bucciarati Squad. Narancia lost his mom at age 10 and his father was a piece of shit, and his 'bro' from the streets betrayed him, and all his street 'friends' left him. Narancia values loyalty and wanted a group he could call home, a group that could be a found family. Narancia just. Wants. Love. He would rather die than cause harm to any of the gang members, that includes Fugo.

So this is how he reacted. I imagine that his reaction if he ever found out about his actual crush would probably be similar. He hates that he has these terrible thoughts, and he doesn't want to hurt his family.

[talesgolden]

☘ : My muse’s relation with their family. (If they speak with each other and how much, if they are close or estranged, e.t.c.).  for ag :)

(Symbol-based Headcanons)

Oh, oh boy. Listen so this is the way it seems to me, right now, but it’s subject to change because there’s a lot of people involved ok? But [cracks knuckles] here we go

Agnieszka considers all of the Chernabog shards/vessels/whatever you want to call them her siblings. They are coarse, they are dark, they are different, and they are hers. Her family. Even when they are unkind to her, even when she is unkind to them. Even when they are fighting and clawing and biting and ripping at each other, that is her den of devils, and she would defend and rescue and protect all of them. Any one of them. Mostly they are stronger than her and don’t really need help or protection, but that’s ok too.

She has a more benign personality than several of the others, but nevertheless keeps a very us-and-them view of the world which... in all honesty, is fair, really. She’s not a human or even mortal. Any other person she could potentially become close with is far more vulnerable, far less understanding, and distinctly going to die, someday. Her siblings are strong, know her nearly better than she understands what she is herself, and will live alongside her evermore, until the skies go black and maybe even longer. They don’t rightly know, yet. She is really quite neutral towards outsiders, but her family, her siblings, are everything. There is no one closer, and it’s unlikely that will change. Even if she were to fall out with any of them, her siblings would still vastly outweigh anything else you put before her. She loves them, through all. The world she could take or leave, really, as long as she could keep her siblings.

While they’re all roughly of similar ages (as in all within five years of each other, as they were all created in the same span of threat) she has a distinct role in the overall dynamic of being a younger sister to everyone except Flea. This means, like most younger sisters, she is generally a bit coddled by most of the others, and simultaneously their biggest bother. She is more manipulative than outside eyes tend to see, and sometimes it works and sometimes it just annoys the others. Resident master-pouter: she has puppy dog eyes and she’s not afraid to shamelessly employ them to get her way! And she is something of a pester-er, with many questions and a habit of trailing along behind one of the others in the hopes of being included. She is dear, she is dastardly. No doubt there are times she annoys the others to high heaven, but when things get serious and she calls for help, they are swift to her side and protective to homicidal degrees. They can bully her, you absolutely cannot.

uhhhhh for the next part I’ve done some plotting with the others for dynamics between siblings, but also I’m just going to assert some of this by the seat of my pants/the vibes of what I think the dynamics are probably like. So they’re subject to a little change, when/if we get more into talking about it, but--- more specific sibling-by-sibling info under the cut:

Hella: The most distant dynamic, Helvetica is quite independent and, further, quite different from safety-seeking Agnieszka. They don’t spend very much time with each other at all. Nevertheless, big sister hung the very stars in the sky and can do no wrong. Every now and then Ag will go into phases of trying to emulate her chaotic eldest sibling. It generally doesn’t end well for anyone involved.

Kon: Oldest brother, meanest brother. For his half, Konstantin carries a largely apathetic attitude everywhere he goes. He bullies his siblings as indiscriminately as anyone else he’s ever encountered, and Ag is no exception to this. She frequently tries to appeal to him despite being repeatedly and often harshly shut down. Sometimes she bites back, but mostly it just makes her sad that he claims to want distance— she thinks he’s bluffing, because she thinks he doesn’t want at all. She thinks she can fix that.. somehow. She’s got time to figure it out, and in the meantime she’ll keep making puppy eyes.

Freyja: Classic big sister/little sister dynamic, taller-little-sister syndrome included, with a spin of being strangers to each other for many of their early years. Freyja is so smart! and strong! and knows everything about everything!! Ag wants to learn from her, and frequently asks questions, repeats the the answers, and generally takes Freyja’s word as the definitive truth of everything. They’re aren’t super close, as yet, but Ag wants very badly for them to be. (So much so it might be the main obstacle to them actually being close. It’s hard to build on something idealized.)

Gonzo: Perhaps the most human-minded of the siblings, Zo is very bound to his mortal shape and the lives of many humans, and for that he Jagna don’t have much in common. He is also, though, fun! and good about being straightforward and clear with her, if somewhat blunt in a way that can hurt her feelings sometimes. He frequently intervenes when Kon is being particularly nasty, and is also likely to try to cheer her up when she’s feeling low. They aren’t necessarily tight-knit, but definitely good with each other. Ag will bite you for messing with Zo (you will not like it.)

Yana & Alexei: The twins, terse and tangled, are the siblings Kat & Ag have known the longest and leaned on the most. Yana & Alexei are the ones who discovered what was going on inside the church’s orphanage. They freed Katja & Jagna from their childhood of torment. The four of them spent some time as a unit, during which Kat & Ag gained their names and a new understanding of who -what- they even were to have been targeted as they were by the lord judge who held them captive. There is also a sense of understanding the four of them have, as each pair knows something of what the other feels and experiences as bonded duos. Two sets of twos, in slightly different fonts. Voted most likely to huddle together and hiss secrets in each others’ ears. Though, as I said, it seems broadly true the others are defensive of Ag, Yana & Alexei (& Kat) in particular will absolutely end you in a myriad of creative and very painful ways if you so much as think of hurting or harassing Agnieszka.

Katja: Jagna’s other half in a very literal sense. Too much to go into, and yet as simple as that. Though they have split and spread since the time they were one and the same, they remain deeply entrenched in each other, and although all of her siblings are dear, the honest truth of it all is that Katja is on another level. When Jagna wonders if she would survive the loss of her sister, it is not a metaphorical question. Could she exist without Kat? Well. No one will ever know, because no one will ever hurt Kat. Jagna is sworn to it. It’s what she was born for.

Valeria: Most likely owing to their proximity in age, griping and snarling and squabbling are the best words to apply to the relationship between Valeria and Ag (and by extension, Kat— or perhaps, it’s Val and Kat who have problems, and Ag who gets towed into it.... it’s hard to tell.) It is, mostly, affection in an antagonism hat, a vitriolic sort of normal that simply defines them to each other. That’s Val, she’s stinky. Sometimes, though, it escalates into them genuinely trying to wound each other, both emotionally and physically. Regardless, whatever stage of snippish, they’ll happily turn on a third party in tandem, to rip them to shreds should they think they have any right to antagonize one or the other, or even just stick their nose into it. Afterwards, they’ll go happily right back to criticizing each other.

Flea: Baby brother, beloved. Outside of Kat, he’s the sibling Ag feels the most close to. Both of them are somewhat less bound to their mortal bodies than the others seem to be, more at home in stranger, wilder forms. They spend a lot of time together, away from the lives and world and worries of humans. They see less of themselves in people, more from their siblings. From each other. Flea is the only sibling (Kat included!) Ag has never once argued with. They are all of them monstrous one way or another, but Ag and Flea seem the most inclined toward the inhumanity of it. Though they rarely acknowledge it in words, they hold common ground in that they seem to be formed from the Chernabog’s basest parts: the Shadow and the Beast; the darkness and the hunger.

[misfortuning]

9, 10, 12, and 13!

DEVIL’S IN THE DETAILS — accepting !

9. Do animals like them? Do they get on well with animals?

in general, yes! it’s not anything as magical as “he can talk to animals,” although he reads their body language very thoroughly; he simply knows how to act in order to not frighten them as well as how to handle them respectfully. still, animals could be intimidated by his size or, if he’s recently shifted back and forth from a wolf, his scent (nowadays that’s a very rare occurrence, though). 

he’s also just…willing to put the time into it? for example, his second dog Job is extremely skittish, so when Malachi first brought him home, he was terrified of Isayah. but Isayah was patient and would spend an hour at a time sitting on the floor with treats, talking quietly to him and letting Job move at his own pace. now? Isayah’s usually the first thing Job hides behind hdhkslgsd

10. Do they like children? Do children like them? Do they have or want any children? What would they be like as a parent? Or as a godparent / babysitter / ect?

hmmm. he doesn’t dislike children, but…well, he doesn’t particularly like them, either. he just doesn’t really know what to do with them?? and never has he ever planned on or been interested in having children. ever. still, in that au @xjelani and I have going on, he’s a decent…if very odd…parent, and he loves his kid a lot and raises him to the best of his ability. as a godparent he’d probably be like “what the fuck were you thinking” ghbblkhsdf and who in this green and glorious world is entrusting their child to Isayah’s babysitting

12. What is their favourite food?

he doesn’t have a specific favorite, just give him some meat, like a steak with…. mashed potatoes and grilled asparagus or something hhglkdshg (actually that’s what I want, but he’d eat it too)

13. What is their least favourite food?

as above, if you asked him this he wouldn’t be able to think of anything on the spot, but he’s not really a fan of candy or other sugary stuff. the chances of him voluntarily eating something really spicy are pretty nonexistent, but again, it’s not as strong as him “disliking” it, he just…doesn’t particularly like it hdjglk

[devildomdisaster]

This is a graphic thought and you don’t have to do it if you don’t feel comfy or if it broke any rules.

May I request hc’s of the Brothers reacting to an MC who killed their family before they were brought into the Devildom? Their family often abused and mistreated them which caused them to snap and they feel an attachment with Mammon with how he’s treated. MC’s not mean or intimidating. They’re very calm, polite, and keep a blank face since nothing scares them (It’s not like they have nothing to lose or care about so threatening to kill them would only be met with an empty smile and an even emptier eyes saying “Promise?”); but if asked about their family, MC would be like:

“Oh, I killed them 🙂” or “The last argument I had with my sister resulted in me cracking her skull open, so I can safely say we don’t fight anymore 😶”

They don’t regret it at all and would often wish they could do it again.

So I didn't make this very graphic. It is mostly just the brother's reactions to finding out Mc killed their family, no details about how they did it.

Content warnings: Abusive family, mentions of violence and death. The brothers being demons don't condemn this behavior. Mc struggles with mental health issues.

Lucifer:

Yeah, Mc? You’re going to have to explain this one.

Lucifer is big on family. He might be strict and find a certain kind of joy in punishing his brothers but he loves them more than life itself.

Once you explain that your family was abusive and that your life was in danger from them, he’ll be more understanding.

He is certainly shocked though. How could his sweet Mc be so violent?

And the fact that you have no remorse is both frightening and impressive.

He wonders if he should insist that you talk to someone about this.

“Listen Mc, what you did may have been justified but trauma doesn’t just go away because you ended the situation.”

He doesn’t want to force you to relive any of your trauma by making you talk about it. But he does think that maybe you should talk to a professional.

He won't insist unless you show signs of any lasting trauma, but he will keep an annoyingly close eye on you to make sure you are ok.

This is a big deal. It changes the way Lucifer sees you. He is less worried about you being able to protect yourself in the Devildom. But he grows increasingly worried about your mental health. After all, the human psyche is far more delicate than a demons.

He doesn’t condemn you for what you did, he just wants to be sure you aren't still suffering in any way.

Mammon:

Mammon just stares at you when you tell him what you’ve done.

How could some weakling human do that?

You act completely normal until something threatens you, and then you are apathetic. Daring the demon to do their worst. And Mammon can’t handle that! “Mc, no! That demon could kill ya without a second thought!”

“Promise?”

“I-what?!” He cares too much to let you throw yourself into danger like that.

He’s a bit afraid of you now. Not because you killed your abusive family, he understands that, but because you don’t seem to care about your own life.

Mammon starts tagging along with you everywhere just to make sure you don’t get yourself killed.

He tries to subtly get you to open up about your feelings more so he can help you. But 9 times out of 10 he isn’t subtle at all.

He...gets it. He’d rather you do something drastic and be safe than be lawful and hurt. But he’s worried about you.

Levi:

“Wh-What?”

“Mc, you can just do something like that and then spring it on me!”

Levi is more shocked than anything.

He thinks it's cool good that you stood up for yourself. He’s glad you aren't in that situation anymore. But killing them was a little drastic.

He has the awareness to worry that when you go back to the human realm you’ll be arrested. He knows humans have laws and consequences for these kinds of things even if it was to prevent your family from harming you.

Levi is angry that your family, the people who are supposed to love and care for you no matter what would be abusive to you. Part of him thinks they got what they deserved. The other part is still trying to comprehend how you could do that.

But your apathetic attitude does worry him. “Mc, you can’t go around acting like you don’t care about your life. Even if you don’t care, I do! You’re my Henry!”

Satan:

Satan wants to know why you don’t care about your life.

When you tell him about your family he is so angry he would go to the human realm and kill them if they weren't already dead.

He wants to know how you did it. The gory details.

Satan’s so proud that you would protect yourself like this, it's such a demonic thing to do.

But your lack of remorse while impressive and satisfying to his sin is still concerning.

He’ll read up on human psychology to check in on your mental health.

Expect him to recommend therapy to help you learn to care about your life. And work through any issues you may have.

Insists on being around to protect you until you learn to care about yourself again.

He assures you that he doesn’t think any less of you now that he knows what you did to your family. He just wants you to be ok.

Abusive family makes him so angry. If he could, he would wipe abusive families from existence.

His main concern is you and making sure you feel safe and loved.

Asmo:

“Oh? Mc, I didn’t know you had this tasty little secret.”

Asmo is both impressed and frightened.

You are so dainty and helpless compared to demons he forgets the violence that humans are capable of.

Your lack of remorse doesn’t bother Asmo at all. As far as he’s concerned they got what they deserved. Why bother with remorse, remorse is a waste of time.

But he is frightened by this surprising new side of you. The violence is what surprises him most. He’s never seen you be overly violent and the fact that you are capable of such things is frightening. He has a bit of trouble coming to terms with actions that he considers more a part of demon nature, not human nature.

Asmo’s sin is lust but he is in love with love. All love. He wants you to love yourself and it breaks his heart that you don’t seem to care about your life or wellbeing.

Please Mc, don’t antagonize demons into killing you. Asmo wants to help you learn to value yourself again.

He is determined to instill a sense of self-worth in you.

Beel:

“They were abusive? Then it’s good that you killed them.”

Beel point-blank agrees with your actions. He would rather you have done something drastic and illegal than be stuck in a situation where you are hurt repeatedly.

Beel would have killed them himself if you hadn't. He is a demon after all.

But he is concerned about your mental wellbeing.

He would rather you hadn’t had to do that, but he understands.

Now he just wants to be there to love and protect you, so that you can be happy.

He wants to show you that the world isn’t all bad. That there are people who will be kind to you even if those people are demons.

Your lack of self-worth concerns him. He hates to see you ask for a demon to kill you. Hates to see the emptiness in your eyes.

He wants to help return the light to your eyes more than anything.

Belphie:

Out of all the brothers Belphie understands murderous urges the most.

Your lack of remorse isn’t concerning him either. Especially when they deserved it.

But when he realizes that your lack of self-worth is due to your family's abuse he is concerned.

He wants to show you that he can be your family, him and his brothers. A good, caring family.

Belphie is suddenly so overprotective of you.

When any of his brothers or other demons threaten you Belphie is there to step in and stop them.

He gets so angry that even his brothers are shocked.

There is no way he will ever let anything like that happen to you ever again.

He’ll make sure your crimes cannot be traced to you, that way when you do go back to the human realm you won't face any consequences for what he views as self-defense.

Don’t think Belphie will let you keep trying to throw your life away. No way, he’s going to find a way to improve your mental health if it’s the last thing he does. Starting with working through the anger issues he suspects you have.

[fictional-scenarios]

hello! can i request an angsty fic with aizawa and f! reader where they break up? thank you!

i hope you enjoy this! i did it from his perspective, hope thats okay! also i know he probably wouldn’t actually be like this in a relationship, but for the fic, this is the only way i could see him being at fault :3

always appreciate reblogs and comments! if you’d lie to support me, here’s my ko-fi!

In the worst of the aftermath, Aizawa was not angry. He was never angry, not truly. Not even when he’d snap at his friends for bringing up her name, or when he’d feel rage churning in his stomach at the thought of her being with another. He was never angry. 

He was sad. So devastatingly, core achingly sad, that it kept him bed ridden for days at a time. Work, come home, eat and sleep. It wouldn't end. 

He’d always considered his quant home a safe haven, but lately it’d been feeling like a prison. It felt like a haunting museum, little bits of her as far as the eye could see. The memories were so vivid, he could still almost see the figure of her standing in his doorway. He could see her leaning on the window sill peering outside. He could see her shoes by the front door, her toothbrush in a cup upon his sink. He could see her under the covers with him, hushed laughter and soft snoring into the early morning.

Even now, he see’s her beside him in bed. He see’s the indent of where she should be, now terribly empty. It makes him feel cold, alone. 

But, being alone had never been a huge issue to him before all this. In fact, he knows it was the downfall of him. 

She’d just wanted him to go out with her now and then. She just wanted to take photos with him, hold his hand out in public without feeling like she’d been forcing him. 

Aizawa buries his face in his hands, his back leaning against the cold wall, blanket curled around his waist like a weight. 

All she had wanted was just a little more life. Just a few more kisses, a few more hugs. A few more signs that he truly cared for her, but he wouldn’t hear of it. She knew he loved her, why couldn’t that be enough? 

He refused public dates that weren’t anniversaries or events. He hated photos. He hated when she’d clasp fingers around his own, hated it because all it brought was attention. Paparazzi's scavenging and ruining every affectionate and tender moment they’d shared together in public. 

He never understood why it had to be public. He couldn’t wrap his mind around why she would insist they get out and so something together. Why couldn't hanging out in the seclusion of his home be enough?

Always so stubborn, especially when it would have been the correct time to give in. His annoyance and unwillingness to be anything other than slow moving and low maintenance drove her away from him. He was just fine being on his own, so why couldn't she?

‘I feel like you’re embarrassed of me,’ She’d cried, having hit her breaking point. ‘I feel like you don’t even really care about me.”

Aizawa’s jaw tightens. Of course I care about you. Why else would I want you here?

He should have said that. But, he didn’t. Just silently witnessed the destruction unsure of what to do next. Unsure of whether to argue, or remain dormant and quiet. Not quite apathetic, but he was never one for a shouting match. 

Unfortunately, he chose to remain still in the face of a crumbling heart. 

‘Even now, you won’t say a word. You don’t ever talk to me, Shota. You never ask how my day was, or if I want to go do anything. Why do I feel like I’m just here so you’re not lonely?’ She’d had fat tears welling in the pits of her eyes. She looked drained, broken. ‘I need more,’ Voice cracking, a terrible realization she’d stumbled upon. ‘I need more than that.’ 

It was a tense moment of silence. She shook her head and choked back a harsh sob.

‘Then that’s it.’ Lip trembling, feeling unwanted. ‘I can’t do this with you anymore. I’m leaving.’

At the lucid memory, Aizawa wish's he could go back and punch himself in the head. Say something, you idiot, he’d scream. Tell her to stay.

She’d passed him by, and the door slammed shut before he even turned to watch her go. 

It’s been weeks now, and he can’t seem to get his head right. It’d taken days before she came to collect her things, something he hoped would never come to be. A stupid part of him believed that she’d come around for some reason. It’d happened before- her storming out, him never changing, her missing him enough to just... Get over it. This time, however, was much different. 

Sinking in the memories, Aizawa feels his throat tighten at everything she’d said, and even worse, everything he didn’t say. His phone lights up beside him. 

yamada: are you still moping in there???? come out w us tonight! you need to get outta bed at some point

yamada: its been weeeeeeks!!!!!!! come on!!!!!!!

Aizawa knows he does. He knows his friend has been trying to get him to leave since it happened, but it’s hard.  He answered his friend, deciding that tonight he would in fact go out for a few hours just to clear his mind- anything is starting to become better than seeing a home empty of her. He sends the message, and his heart grows heavy.

He said yes to his friends when he was feeling sorry for himself, but never for her. He knew he deserved it, but it hurt not having her anymore. Especially when all he had to do was say yes sometimes. 

What stung the most was that he didn’t get to see her when she came to collect all her items, cram them into a box and leave for the last time. He’d hoped at that point, if it ever came to that, he could convince her to stay. But.. She hadn’t told him she was coming. Perhaps because she knew she was bound to give in. 

He came from from U.A., hoping that she’d be there, sleeping soundly or sitting terse on the couch ready for an argument ending conversation. 

But, she wasn’t there. In fact, nothing of her was. All her things vacated. Everything but the memory of her stripped away. 

Aizawa had stood stunned in the doorway. Then, it all came crashing down. She was serious this time. It was set in stone.

She’d really left him.

He didn’t think she’d actually leave him. Arguments were always so easy for Aizawa. He was a firm believer in ‘take me as a I am, or don’t take me at all.’ But, he’d never realized just how much changing she’d done for him. 

When he’d first met her at a group outing, she was full of life. She was bouncy and energetic. She had a sea of friends, a world of opportunities. But with him, with Aizawa’s stubbornness combined with her need and want to spend time with him, she went out less and less. Contacts in her phone dwindled from a vast ocean to merely puddles. 

Seldom she went out, and on the rare occasions she was able to get Aizawa to go, she’d dress in her best just for him to chastise her. ‘We’re not going anywhere that fancy,’ he’d remark, not noticing how her eyes fell. ‘Aren’t you a little over dressed?’

Guilt tore up his heart, now. She was always so beautiful dressed up like that, how could he ever say those things? Too late did he notice how she’d changed everything for him. Lost friends, missed outings, just so she could remain by his side. He did everything wrong and wasn't even willing to see it. He felt like a neglectful, stubborn, ass. 

Forcing himself up from bed, it takes all his strength to get up and wander into the bathroom. He’d need to start getting ready then if he was to go later. He was a slow moving creature, after all. Lazily, mentally drained and exhausted, he opens the mirror and pulls his toothbrush from the little shelves inside. The mirror swings shut and he’s met with his dreadful reflection. 

His eyes are even darker, redder, than they ever were with his quirk. Even he could tell he looked worse for wear. Drained, emotionally vacant yet so powerfully overrun with them at the same time. He looked dead. He brings the toothbrush to his teeth, but can’t bring himself to find the motivation to actually begin cleaning up. 

So tired. 

He just wants to sleep again. 

He wants to text her. But he doesn’t.

Tossing the toothbrush into the sink, resting his elbows on the edges and allowing his head to hang in sorrow, he wonders what she’s doing right now. It’s a warm Friday evening, the blue sky wide and clear. He’s sure she’s going out tonight, finally allowing herself the freedom to make up for all the time she’d missed with her friends. Friday’s were always Aizawa’s least favorite day. He just knew she’d want to go out, and he’d always combat it with a movie she’d been wanting to see, coming up with some random excuse as to why it wouldn’t be an ideal idea to go out. 

Then, he’d ignore how she sadly watched her friends social media stories about the night, and ignored their texts asking why she’s never around anymore.

God, what he would give for one more Friday night with her. He’d dress up, he’d take her somewhere so nice even he would be afraid he couldn’t afford the food. Her and all her friends. Whoever she wants, the whole world if need be. He’d do anything she wanted, strut her to a party on a red-carpet. Anything just for another Friday night. 

Aizawa’s eyes cast back up to his reflection. A lump forms in his throat, he watches his eyes glisten with tears. He wants to fall into the floor and forget about everything. 

Pushing himself away from the sink, he shake his head and gags on how tight his threat feels. Without even a moments hesitation, he finds himself right back in his room, pulls the covers aside, and drowns in them all over again. It’s dark, it’s cold. His own rooms uninviting without her. 

Yet, he can’t seem to bring himself to leave it.

His phone sits on his pillow. Aizawa opens his friends message. 

‘im going to stay in tonight. thank you for inviting me. im tired’

Aizawa doesn’t even want to see the messages his friend instantly starts blowing his phone up with. Instead, seconds after the text sends, he holds the power button until the entire screen goes black. He rolls over to face the wall, and he feels like he’s made of led. He swallows hard and gives into sleep all over again. His arm slings around a pillow, and he clutches it to his chest. 

A forever inanimate reminder of where she once laid.