#i love the idea that it's like. the same root，for both of these emotions

[bystarlightlore]

first things first: my boys are so touchy & affectionate with each other & it's the cutest, most adorable thing on planet earth.

i die.

moving on...

sweet alex, he’s all heart. prattling along, just as happy as he can be. 

it’s integral to watch our sunshine boy in this scene. 

the book & film are both from alex’s perspective, but there’s one thing that we’re afforded between the pages that doesn’t fully make it on screen — his emotional & cognitive layers. & that’s not anybody’s fault & it doesn’t make the film any less incredible, that’s just how adaptations occur sometimes. you can’t translate everything on screen & honestly, that’s the way it should be. some things can just stay in the written story.

tzp did a marvelous job of pulling some of those pieces from the story & threading them into alex’s movements, expressions, & actions. he gave us everything that he could & he did it phenomenally. i can’t imagine anyone else being our alex. i can’t get over how perfectly he was casted.

all this to reiterate, it’s so key to watch alex here.

we get to see some of his layers. he goes from playful, to pensive, to deeply sincere — “i’ve never felt this way about anyone” — & from there, he shifts into an incredibly exposed emotional space & you see him gather himself, working through his words & trying to share his heart in the most fluent way he can.

“it’s like there’s a rope attached to my chest & it keeps pulling me towards you.”

there’s never been a moment in his life where can’t share exactly how he feels. he’s always been free to do so. for alex, there was never a question about if he’d tell henry, the question was what he’d tell henry, & once he solved the what, he could proceed with the when. 

his mom asked if he felt ‘forever’ about henry & he didn’t consciously know at the time. (i’m a firm believer in the fact that they’ve been in love all along but that’s not the topic right now.) he watches henry in the bar & that’s where he figures it out. the next step is to tell him. point a to b. no detours. 

“& it feels so right”

all heart, all the time. our sunshine boy.

i don’t see fear here, i rarely do in alex, but i do see timidity. so with our eyes on him in this scene, we watch him waffle through his words, barreling toward the inevitable.

he stays in physical contact with henry the entire time — running his hands along his forearm, tangling their fingers together, tracing circles on henry’s wrist & back. i think he needs it here just as much as he wants it.

the most that alex has ever discovered & understood about himself has been through touching henry. he knows himself best when he’s skin-to-skin with the man he loves.

this moment cannot be any different.

—- “what i mean to say is, henry, i—“ 

i’d give anything to hear it come out of his mouth fully here. i want to know how it sounds under the texas sun — someplace as bright & warm as he is.

alex has never had to fear his own heart; even in the moments where he wasn't sure where it was going. after the NYE kiss, he went to nora to grapple with his feelings & he tried to talk to henry about it, but he never, ever shied away from how he felt. he wasn't raised to. following that giant, gorgeous heart is in his nature. he's always been encouraged to be exactly who he is.

the same cannot be said for our prince.

our mythic, beautiful boy. he literally looks like he's crumbling here. mournful, finite cracks in his glistening, alabaster stone. an absolute masterpiece withered by expectation, tainted legacies, hopeless hopes, & crippling fears.

he has to shy away. he doesn't believe or even entertain the idea that he might have a choice. to be so in love, but so trapped that your love can tangle its roots into the earth, but never bloom.

distance & longing take up far too much space in those stunning hazel eyes. it's all too much for him here. no fight or fawn, just freeze and flight. he did it all in expression: from pure bliss, to the dawn of fear, to desperate wanting, to heartbreak, to retreat. (nicholas galitzine, you wonderfully gifted creature)

in our prince’s head, it doesn’t matter how bad he wants to hear the words. it doesn’t matter if he’s loved alex & wanted alex all this time. his heart — their hearts — are of no consequence to the trajectory of their lives. & so, despite all this time; despite everything that’s passed between them in the past year — the firsts & the tender moments, the texts, calls, & emails, the falling in love — henry does the one thing he’s always had to do, lock himself up & run away. just like he did on new year’s eve.

alex has spent a year working him loose; making him feel as free & loved & authentic as he possibly can. he’s kneaded every tight curve, massaged every tensioned inch. & henry has put in the same amount of work learning to allow himself to be cared for. for someone to see his bright places, his passions, his wittiness, tenacity, & sparks.

our boys have grown so much & yet sadly, in a moment, terror bends henry back into an ill -fitting place.

the progress isn’t lost, just tucked away. fear is one hell of a keeper.

& you see him dressed up again in his suit. ramrod straight, prim & proper, the closed-off prince of england’s hearts that climbed out of his car to meet alex at kensington a year ago. a man of few words & little feeling. because there’s too much risk in feeling. feeling leads you to a dock in the middle of the lake in texas, listening to the man you love willing & ready to love you back, but you can’t be overjoyed — because you’re terrified.

grab your tissues, kids. im sure as hell grabbing mine.

[svtcrus]

───── `✦ ˑ ִֶ 𓂃 BABY LOVE ME EVENT SERIES

DRAGON OUT OF WATER || NEUVILLETTE X AFAB!READER

SMUT , MDNI

NOTE : neuvi is implied a dragon [not physically] nothing beyond that plot, dom!neuvilette , semi public s3x (they fuck at a lake), rough play , fingering , overstimulation , big pp

synopsis : you & neuvillette are having a date at a secret lake in fontaine, & things end up getting a little heated with the hydro dragon.

neuvillette had suggested the idea of taking you out to this secret lake, secluded from all eyes. he was still learning on how unique humans can be. interacting and creating relationships with humans wasn't his best skill but he tries his best everyday.

this intimate relationship he has with you is a whole new world for him, he's learnt to love through you. and garner quite a lot of human knowledge from you.

moreover neuvillette has also experienced new emotions that leave him quite flustered at times.

he was like a fish out of water .

these fluttery feelings which leave him so hot inside him has him confused. unbeknownst he's thinking such ludicrous fantasies of you, a surge of heat building up from within. however, neuvillette forces himself to hold back, for he doesn't want to be pleading guilty at you for such pervertedness. you were too much of an angel.

this date was intended to be a peaceful romantic time between the two of you. no ill intentions at all. so why is your dragon of a boyfriend walking his way to you with a dark look in his lavender eyes?

it wasn't supposed to end up like this.

but when neuvillette saw you in your skimpy little swimsuit it was like a fire had lit inside him— he could feel his dick swell at the sight.

making the attempt to "put out" this heat by swimming, he'd expected to feel okay right after, since it's worked before whenever stressed. except he didn't. instead he felt worse, and the tent that was growing in his shorts wasn't helping his case either.

"archons.. I can't hold back anymore. c'mere." those slender fingers of his are grabbing either side of your face, forcefully bringing you in for a kiss. your gasp is replaced with a sudden moan, neuvillette uses this to push his tongue into your mouth. the kiss is sloppy albeit. nevertheless his soft lips are melting so easily with yours with such passion, it's making you wet.

your hands are tangling into his wet silver locks, droplets of water are dripping from his toned body onto your own. his free hand is gripping your waist with such obscene force, to simply lay you down on the mat.

only then he feels the tug on his roots that he finally pulls away.

"I.. I couldn't help myself.." he claims— you're both panting, desperately in need for oxygen. lips are swollen, cheeks burning red. your face is displaying something he hasn't seen before.

he's thinking he's screwed up.

"I.. forgive me y/n I shouldn't ha-"

"don't stop." you cut him off. pushing yourself back up, hands grabbing onto his to guide them back across your body. they trace from your hips, to your waist, then to your chest. lewd sounds are slowly leaving those plump lips of yours, his hands unconsciously fondling your breasts through your swimsuit.

"it's okay neuvi.. mm. just touch me like that.." again that flame is ignited, and he's leaning back into you for another kiss. this time its more gentle.

it wasn't supposed to end up like this.

the lustful dragon is now fingering your sopping entrance, in broad daylight. ramming you with three whole fingers, you already felt so full. yet so hungry at the same time.

"like this? do you like it when I do this ma belle?" there he was with that nickname. my beautiful. so shy, so beautiful atop of him. straddled on his lap, movements are feverish, and chasing for a release. your arms are thrown over his broad shoulders all while your whimpers, whines, cries, call out his name.

"neuvillette!"

a loud moan escapes you, the chief is sucking in a breath watching you quiver from his fingers alone. he's never seen someone at his mercy like this before. the heaving, your head on his shoulder, nails digging into his pale skin. cunt all sloppy and wet just for him— fuck.

the way his fingers circle your drenched cunt before entering your tight hole to fuck you once more. he's persistent to make you cum once more, overstimulating your poor pussy.

"m'stop baby.. please~! I need—hngh!" you can barely let out coherent words. look at you. so fucked to the point you cannot even think of anything besides him? how cute.

"what is it do you need sweetheart? hm?" his fingers that are covered in your slick begins to wriggle out his length. lubricating his cock with your sweet juices. not to mention that he's hard, unbelievably hard.

"do you want this ma belle? want me to fill you up?" what comes out of your mouth is another whimper, your mind is too hazy to respond. he lets out a chuckle— oh archons he wants to devour you whole.

then and there along the lake shoreline, this beastly man is rutting himself into you. your pleasantries provide him with furthermore motivation to continue fucking into your velvet walls.

muscular arms around your waist, inhaling your sugary scent, it's got him growling while his cock pounds in and out of you.

you're sucking him in so well, squeezing around his girth like you're asking him for more. this. this feeling. he doesn't want to forget it, nor does he want to stop it.

rather than a fish, neuvillette was a dragon out of water, whose found himself addicted to your whole body.

@svtcrus || 08.19.23 ; BABY LOVE ME EVENT

©️ all rights reserved. do not copy / plagiarize , modify or use my work .

[gay-dorito-dust]

Part 2 of this cuz I wrote too much 🦦 this is another long one with possible ooc-ness but it’s a fanfic that’s not meant to be taken seriously.

Taglist: @miraculous-panic (the og asker) and @spidernuggets @millyhelp @lanxsee @jaysgirlx @gloriousdreamerland

Previously…

*knock, knock, knock*

‘Are you sure this is going to work?’ Jason said as he looked back at Dick and Damian, who was forced by the older male into helping their brother with his relationship problem, perched on the fire escape of your apartment.

Dick sighed, putting his hands on his hips. ‘Do you want to save your relationship or not?’

‘Of course I do!’ Jason snapped, not liking the accusation that he didn’t care enough about you to save something he was indirectly ruining with his secrecy; He just didn’t like the danger he could potentially drag you into just for knowing who’s under the RedHood, after all he wasn’t really a well liked figure amongst certain powerful criminals in Gotham.

‘Then you shouldn’t hesitate in making things right with them.’ Damian pipes up, much to Jason and Dick’s surprise as both of them were certain that he could’ve cared less for things he’d consider as trivial, though then again Damian had always been full of surprises and this was only one of them. ‘While your reasonings for not telling y/n are justified but in doing so. However you’ve not only made them feel as though they’re not trustworthy, but also insecure to the point that they’ve began suspecting you of cheating on them.’ Jason’s eyes downcast to the helmet within his hands and tightening his grip on it as though it had been the root of all his problems. ‘The only way to rectify this misstep is by taking the risk of danger to secure the things you love most, for there is not one life lived that didn’t come with it’s risks.’

‘Damian’s right Jason.’ Dick said softly as he helplessly watched the conflicting emotions run through his eyes and wanted nothing more then to help his brother avoid a broken heart. He had heard you from the times Jason accidentally slipped up during patrols together and immeditly knew the kind of hold you had over Jason, the type where Jason wishes he wasn’t made a vigilante so that you two could live happily together without fear of one day finding that the other was taken away.

‘I know.’ Jason said as he looked longingly at the closed bedroom window that he knew you were on the opposite side of, probably staring at the same window while reaching for his knife that he’d given you for protection, ghosting his fingers against the empty knife sheath strapped at his thigh. ‘And that’s why I need to go through with this…no matter what happens next.’ He then reached a hand to knock on the window again and taking a step back afterwards to wait for you to open it.

A couple minutes later and nothing. Not even the ruffle of a curtain and Jason’s mind naturally made him think the worst as his breath hitches in his throat and he feels a tightening in his chest. ‘They’re not answering.’ He said.

‘Give it some more time, no sane person is going to open their window to a potential stranger.’ Dick reasoned.

‘They’re not answering.’ Jason said again as he was fighting every urge to bust down the window but before he could even act on it, Damian grabbed ahold of his arm and pulled him back.

‘It’s only been five minutes, are you that paranoid that in that time someone could’ve possibly kidnapped them?’ He hissed but Jason had stopped listening to reason and tugged his arm out of Damian’s hold and puts his helmet back on and charges towards the window anyway, firmly set on the idea that somethings wrong, much to Dick and Damian’s dismay.

‘JASON NO!’

‘Tt. Idiot.’

Everything that happened afterwards was a blur to Jason from the moment he broke through the window of his own apartment, from the sound of glass shattering, a horrified scream and the sounds of Damian and Dick calling after him didn’t register to Jason, that was until he saw a frightened you backed up into a corner of the room, knife held out in front of you in the instance where you needed to defend yourself as tears collected in the corners of your eyes.

‘Wh-what are you doing in my apartment? I didn’t- I haven’t done anything wrong as far as I’m aware.’ You said, scared out of your wits as to why THE REDHOOD was in yours and Jason’s bedroom, guns in each of his hands as he looked at you in utter silence -which was fucking terrifying- and all you wanted to do was call out for Jason because how the fuck did RedHood know where you live if he didn’t get that information straight from Jason himself. Upon realising this fact, your fright became anger as then pushed yourself off of the wall and stood across the vigilante. ‘Jason.’ You muttered under your breath as the anger boiled your blood. ‘What did you do to MY Jason?!’ You shouted, not thinking about the consequences of fighting someone who was the better fighter out of the two of you, only caring about what had happened to Jason for RedHood to be here.

‘Woah! There’s been a misunderstanding-‘ Dick tried to calm the situation from escalation but he must’ve forgotten that he was in his NightWing attire as you looked at him with just as much fury in your eyes as there was fear and dread. ‘NightWing?’ You asked, eyes darting between the two quite frankly intimidating men, your thoughts going a million miles an hour. ‘What the fuck is going on?!’ You exclaimed. ‘If you put the knife down and stop coming to conclusions then maybe you’ll get your answers.’ Damian said from the window, genuinely done with the whole thing and wants to go home to spend quality time with Titus and Alfred the cat.

‘Fine.’ You, both mentally and emotionally exhausted, then drop the knife and sit on the bed to massage your temples. Dick then sits beside you whilst being respectful of your need for space during this time as Damian and Jason stay standing. ‘As I said before, there has been a major misunderstanding here.’ He begins. ‘Jason is fine, more than fine actually, but he’s been meaning to tell you something really important.’ He explains but your brows were immeditly raised at his as your eyes moved between him, Robin and RedHood, one of whom hadn’t spoken in a long while since bursting into your bedroom. ‘And I’m supposed to believe that sent all of you to tell me something he could’ve told me himself.’ You said, unable to find the logistics of this. ‘Isn’t that a little…excessive?’

Dick smiled, glad that you’ve finally calmed down but was starting to grow worried at Jason’s prolonged silence, he dared to glance his way and sees Jason getting ready to remove his helmet and quickly glanced back to you. ‘Then how about we let him tell you instead?’ He says and again you were left confused by this until he gave you a gesture to look at RedHood and per following his instructions, you sat there in stunned silence as RedHood removed his helmet, revealing the mop of dark hair with it’s streak of white you could easily recognise anywhere and a familiar set of eyes. ‘Hi chipmunk.’ Jason said, holding his helmet to his hip.

You wordlessly got up from the bed and moved towards Jason -who was internally screaming at how easily all this could go wrong for him- and held his face in your hands, running your thumbs against the apples of his cheeks as he melted into your touch like he always did. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ Was all you said, too tired to be mad at anything anymore while also being happy at the fact that Jason was in fact not seeing anyone begin you back, but were conflicted about him being a vigilante as infamous as the RedHood on top of all that; It only proved to leave you even more exhausted then you already were if that was possible.

‘I just wanted to keep you safe.’ He said desperately as he held your hands to his face as his eyes pleaded with you to understand. ‘I’m not exactly well liked on the streets of Gotham and I didn’t want you to be caught in the cross fire.’

‘So all this time you weren’t meeting up with anyone behind my back?’ You said unproved and Jason looked at you as though you just grew a second head. ‘What?’ He asked, taken aback. ‘Meeting someone behind your back- no, why would i ever do something like that I love you.’ Jason then stopped when he realised what he just said. It also didn’t help that he was reminded of his brothers also being in the room, especially when he could practically hear Dick’s gasp of surprise and Damian’s mutter of it was about time Jason admitted that he loved you. Was he that obvious? He’ll have to ask them later but for now, you were all that matter and the fact that you were okay and safe was all Jason could ever ask for.

‘You love me?’ You asked.

‘More than anything.’ Jason replied. ‘Why would I look elsewhere when everything I could’ve ever want and have is standing right in front of me, even if they did try to hold me at knifepoint in the cutest pyjama set I’ve ever seen.’ He adds, making you laugh and rest your head against his chest to hide your smile.

‘I love you too you doofus,’ once again Jason could hear Dick gasp but that didn’t stop you from continuing. ‘I have for a long while and have been trying to find the perfect moment to say it, which is why I planned a movie night.’ You explained and Jason felt like a dickhead for ruining your plan but he couldn’t say he regretted this being how he found out; It was messy but it was perfect, just like the both of you.

‘I’m sorry for ruining everything chipmunk.’ He muttered against your head as he pressed a couple a kisses there.

‘Don’t be,’ you said, pressing your head further into his lips for more kisses, ‘despite giving me the fright of a lifetime, i wouldn’t change this for anything.’

You and Jason stayed like this for a while, not caring about anything outside the both of you, not even the smashed window that was causing the room to grow cold but that only gave you the perfect excuse to stay close to your six foot something body heater by the name of Jason Todd.

‘Can we go home now.’ Damian said as Dick stood up from the bed, smiling at the both of you being happy now that everything had been resolved before looking over at Damian and chuckles. ‘Alright, alright we’re leaving, happy now?’ He said as the pair of them leave through the busted window and stood out on the fire escape for a couple of moments before disappearing into the night, when they realised that they had glossed over one thing; your bedroom widow that was shattered to bits.

‘Father will have it fixed.’ Damian answered self assuringly.

‘How can you be so sure?’ Dick asked.

‘Don’t think too hard about the intricacies of it Grayson. Just know that I’ll have it dealt with.’ Damian replied and within the next day your window was mysteriously fixed, but the glass was itself was top quality and would’ve costed you an arm and a leg but was merely chump change for a certain rich billionaire.

[leclerc-hs]

the blueprint - cl16

pairing: architect!charles leclerc x coworker!reader (fem) summary: in which you and your co-worker can't help but constantly butt-heads on projects warnings: 18+! SMUT! (obvi), kinda mean!Charles, squirting, language, some French (badly translated prob) word count: 4.1k author's note: hi I absolutely LOVED writing this. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. i didn’t proofread so if there’s any typos please let me know!!! xoxo!! please let me hear your thoughts!!!! don’t be shy

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . ⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

YOU COULD’VE SWORN you’ve never been so irritated in your life. 

“Can’t you just, I don’t know, ferme ta guele for once!” Shut the fuck up. You stood in the door of Charles’s office, a crescendo of emotion echoed in your voice, almost reaching a fervent shout. Your face, now tinged with a reddish hue, reflected just how frustrated you were. 

For a little over a year, both you and Charles had been integral parts of the same company. You, an interior designer, who occasionally delved into architecture every blue moon for fun. You never got the degree for architecture, but you loved to sketch building ideas from time to time just for fun. And then there’s him, an architect, with a stick too far up his ass sometimes.

Anger painted Charles’s demeanor, evident from the subtle reddening in his ears and the clench of his jaw. With matching frustration, he strolled behind his desk, easing into his chair. His green eyes narrowed at you, a silent yet potent communication.

“Moi?” Me? His tone was incredulous at he pointed his own fingertips at him, tapping them directly into his sweater covered chest. “Porquoi tu ne le fais pas?” Why don’t you? His voice dropped lower at the end of his sentence, while he directed his fingers to now point at you. 

You took a step further into his office, not bothering to shut the door behind you. “Tu es incroyable!” You’re unbelievable! The sarcasm dripped off your tongue as you ran a hand through your hair, your chest slightly heaving up and down. 

To which, Charles only smirked at, ignoring your sarcasm, and responded with a cocky “J’ai beaucoup entende cela.” I’ve heard that a lot. 

The memory of the initial cause of the argument had become hazy but it was likely that it stemmed from the inherent clash that seemed inevitable whenever the two of you worked together on a project. The two of you were constantly perplexed by the company’s decision to consistently pair you two together, especially because it was not a secret that you didn’t get along. However, the undeniable reason might be rooted in the remarkable success followed. Almost every building, house, or structure designed by the both of you stood out as some of the company’s best creations.

Charles couldn’t help but trace his eyes along every crevice of your face while you ranted on. He honestly wasn’t even listening as you bitched on about something you claimed he did. Instead, he was too enraptured with the way your cheeks reddened, the way your eyes narrowed at him, and the way your breasts moved with every exclamation you made. Because really, he is still a man after all and the tight button up shirt you wore was almost sinister. Like seriously, he could’ve sworn the buttons were about to pop open with each breath you took.

“Mon dieu! Even now, you’re still not listening!” You noticed the distant look in Charles’s eyes as he leaned back into his chair. It was like he was looking at you, but not at you. 

You snapped your fingers repeatedly, leaning over the desk, your breasts even more in Charles’s face now. He swore it took everything in him to look at your face, and not your perky breasts dangling in front of him.

“What?”

You stormed out of his office immediately with a loud groan. You didn’t see him for the rest of the day.

-

“Mamma mia,” Oh my god. Charles exclaimed to no one except himself as he stood tall, his hands tapping the sides of the heavy machine before him. It felt like an eternity, although it had only been about 5 minutes. The matter at hand was perfecting the model of his latest project, but the 3-D printer seemed to be malfunctioning. 

Taking a step back, he began to stare at the machine as if it were his enemy, one hand rested on his hip. A million thoughts ran through his mind as to what could possibly be wrong with the machine. No matter how many times he tried, the layers seemed to be separating far too much, deeming each piece of his model printed earlier as garbage.

The fragrance of sandalwood, laced with a subtle sweetness of vanilla, announced your presence before he could even lay eyes on you. The warm and captivating scent enveloped him, much like it always did. He squeezed the bridge of his nose between his thumb and pointer finger in annoyance that he knew it was you without even having to turn around. Without turning his head, he spoke up, catching your attention abruptly.

“Sais-tu comment réparer cela?” Do you know how to fix this?

It was one of the rare occasions when he addressed you without any trace of hatred in his words.  Your mouth hung slack in surprise, and you almost felt the need to rub your eyes in disbelief at the fact there was no back-handed comment involved.

For a few moments, you just stared at the back of his head. Unable to understand why he was even asking for your help in the first place. When he got impatient of waiting for a response, he spun his body around, his eyebrows slightly furrowed, and eyes pointed at you. 

“Hm?” Snapping out of your surprise, you urged him to continue, seeking clarification on what he was referring to. Charles couldn’t help but take note of the tight black jumpsuit that you wore, a black and gold belt cinched at your waist. He felt his heart pound in his chest just a little bit more than normal at the accentuation of your curves as you stepped in front of him, acknowledging the curve of your ass before him.

“It, uh..” He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed away his thoughts of your ass. You turned to look at him, waiting for him to finish his words. His cheeks slightly tinted pink as he offers a sheepish smile to you, “it keeps separating the layers too much.”

You nodded your head slowly, “Je déteste quand ça fait ça.” I hate when it does that. You quietly agreed with him, before playing with some of the buttons on the machine. Without any luck of fixing it on your own, your eyes lit up like a light bulb as you remembered Josh, one of your other co-workers, solved this issue before.

“Let me get Josh!” You uttered the name with such excitement that Charles felt an involuntary growl building within him. Josh, a fellow architect at the firm, seemed uncomfortably close to you for Charles’s liking. Not that he cared or anything, but few things irked him more than witnessing you and Josh together in the office like two peas in a pod. The way Josh shamelessly flirted with you constantly only added to his irritation. Not that he liked you or anything, but that didn’t mean he hasn’t thought about shoving you face down over his desk and stuffing you full of his cock. Or that he hasn’t thought of you pressed against the windows of his office, your bare chest against the glass as he slips his cock into your wet folds. Or that he hasn’t thought about shoving his cock so deep into your throat just to get you to be quiet sometimes. 

It was like the flip of a switch, Charles’s irritation pouring out of him, as he spontaneously stomped away from the printing room. Trudging back to his office, leaving you behind in confusion. The last thing he wanted to see was you and Josh fixing something for him.

-

“She’s such a fucking know it all,” Charles groans to a group of his co-workers, bringing the neck of the beer bottle to his lips before taking a swig. His eyes have been following your every move since you stepped foot in the banquet hall tonight.

 It was the 42nd annual office party, which may sound boring at first, but it always ends up with some chaotic story. Last year it was Jane, one of the executive assistants, who got way too drunk she vomited right by the CEO’s feet. The year before that it was Nick, a man who is part of the custodial staff, who went almost too crazy on the dance floor that he knocked a handful of people down and resulted in multiple broken glasses around the place. All in all, the office party is usually the opposite of a bore.

And tonight, Charles decides that it’s definitely not a bore when he spots your outfit for the night. Charles doesn’t miss the curve of your ass as your back faces him, or the fact that Josh’s hand rests lightly against the small of your back either.

You’re dressed to kill tonight. A long silky black gown rests tightly against your skin, aside from the bottom that fans out much like a mermaid tail. The neckline wraps around your neck much like a scarf, a long tail of it falling at your side. 

Charles was so focused on Josh’s hand on you, that he didn’t even hear his co-workers speaking to him until they shoved his shoulder lightly.

“Dude, do you like her or something?”

“Or something.” Charles said with such disgust and hatred laced in his voice. “I don’t know why I always have to get paired with her.” He finished his beer in a hasty speed as you head towards the bar, excusing himself from his friends as he made his way to the same area.

The grip he had on the neck of the empty bottle was so tight, it was close to breaking in the palm of his hand. He leans against the bar, staring straight ahead as he waits for the bartender to acknowledge him.

“What’s got you all wound up?” Sandalwood and Vanilla.

He turns his head, to you and a smiling Josh at your side. He wants to roll his eyes almost immediately. What he would give to be able to punch him right in the face for even being able to touch you. He doesn’t bother to respond to you, turning his head back to the bar.

He’s sick in the head, honestly. He knows he approached the bar only to be closer to you but then ignores you as soon as you’re near. To get some glimpse of you. To smell you. To hear your voice. 

You hate the rejection. No matter how much he grinds your gears, you always try to be polite. You don’t want to argue with him. It’s honestly exhausting to stay arguing with him almost every day. On your first day of work, you actually thought you could be friends, until he opened his mouth and rudely dismissed you. It only made you work harder.

Charles got his drink and made his way back to his group of ‘friends’. He didn’t look at you the rest of the night.

At least until you both crossed paths outside the venue. Josh had left earlier in the night due to not feeling well, leaving you alone, with no jacket, as you tried to call for a ride home. 

Charles’s hands were shoved in the pockets of his dress pants as he approached you, awaiting for the valet to pull his car around. “Where is your jacket?” He questioned, simply curious.

“Why do you care?” You remarked back, a hint of annoyance in your voice. “You ignored me earlier and now you want to talk to me?” 

Charles felt his patience wearing thin, especially at the sight of the goosebumps all over your skin and the chatter of your teeth between each word you spoke. Your nipples were rock hard, something that didn’t go unnoticed by Charles. He felt the blood rush to his cock as his eyes quickly glanced at them. 

He rolled his eyes before shoving his suit jacket off and tossing it over your shoulders. “Can’t have my partner getting sick.” He began, “The project is due too soon for you to call out.” He pulled the excuse out of his ass. Because really, how was he supposed to say that he cared? That he cared about the woman he’s an absolute dick too.

You wanted to argue, he could see the detest in your eyes, but you snuggled into the jacket anyways. Appreciating his gesture and the warmth of the jacket.

The valet pulled his car up, opening the door for Charles, to which Charles handed him a crisp bill for fetching the car for him. You stood on the sidewalk, Charles’s jacket swallowing your body whole, a small breeze blowing the front pieces of your hair off your face. You looked beautiful, and Charles’s knew it was a complete lie if he said other.

“Get in,” He motioned the passenger door open, not bothering to wait for your response before he grasped your small forearm and ushering you into the seat. The car smelt just like him. A smell you wanted to bury yourself in, regardless how annoying he was.

Charles wove through the streets at a leisurely pace, one hand on the wheel and the other resting on his knee. The radio volume was low, playing a song you couldn’t remember the name of, as you stared out the window and directed Charles to your home.

He wanted to argue that he knows where it is. That he’s already been there before because one time he went to check on you because you didn’t show up to work without calling in (which was very abnormal). That it’s the building right next to his. But he doesn’t say it and just lets you direct him anyways, just so he can hear your voice a little more. He was greedy when it came to you.

Within a few minutes, he pulled in front of your building, placing the car in park and unbuckling his seat belt. You sat silently after unbuckling your own seatbelt, trying to decipher his mood. You never knew what mood you were going to get, but most of the time it was annoyance and anger.

You turned to look at him and your eyes instantly met with his, as he was already looking at you. “Merci.” Your words were soft as you spoke, reaching for the door handle, he stopped you.

“You should dress warmer,” His lips lifted into a small grin, “It’s too cold and I can’t handle this project without you.”

Although it was work related, it was probably the closest compliment you’ve ever received from him. If you wanted to count it as a compliment. You felt your cheeks turn pink at his confession. Who are you? You don’t blush at Charles Leclerc. The architect with a stick up his ass. The guy who grates your every nerve. The guy who is undeniably hot and smells so good, you think about it more often than you want to admit.

“I’ll remember that.” Your hand goes to reach for the car door handle, but he stops you. His muscular arm stretches across your lap, grabbing the door and holding it in place from opening. He’s now practically stretched across the small space of the car, his scent enveloping you, the warmth of his body heating you right up. A small smirk formed on Charles lips as he noticed how flustered you were getting towards his proximity.

“Are you and Josh dating?” It was a simple question, but the words felt like acid on his tongue. You couldn’t help but notice the displeased look on his face as he straightens his body, providing more space between the two of you.

Your eyes widened in shock before muttering a quick, “No!” You coughed slightly, almost choking on your shock. 

“Bien.” Good.  Was all he said, before unlocking the doors, giving you the go ahead to get out of the car. It was when you were about three steps from the car door that he rolled down the window and said, “You can return the jacket at work.”

-

It’s today, that Charles decides he has had it up to here. If he must witness Josh’s fingers graze your skin one more time, he swears he will combust. So, to make himself feel some relief of his anger, he starts a fight with you. Naturally.

“It’s a shitty plan and even you know it!” 

Honestly, it is a shit plan. And Charles knows that it’s a shit one too, but he would never admit that to you. Not when he is this pent up over fucking Josh. Not when it gives him an excuse to spend more time with you.

Which is what led you into his office, the clock nearing midnight, as you both are sprawled (as much as you can be) around his desk. The current plans of the project are scattered everywhere and not one other person, beside the both of you, are within the offices floor.

Your hair had made its way into a clip, leaving your neck uncovered and exposed. Charles’s found himself often staring at the nape of your neck when you weren’t looking. His desire to litter marks all over it was growing with each second that he spent in your proximity. Sandalwood and Vanilla.

“Is there a reason you’re always so mean to me?”

The words caught him completely off guard as he lifted his pencil, leaning back in his chair to face you more. You looked beautiful, like always. He could feel the burn in his chest as the words left your lips.

He was silent for a moment. Contemplating if he’s supposed to tell you that he’s mean to you because he doesn’t know how to act around you. That he’s mean to you because he wants to fuck you so badly, it consumes his every thought. That he’s mean to you because you are mean to him too.

“You’re not innocent either,” He remarks. His eyes shifting back to the drawing in front of him. Honestly, the plans weren’t looking much better but you both refused to give up.

You nodded your head slowly in agreement. You couldn’t deny that sometimes you were snippier towards him for no reason. It probably had to do with the fact that almost every week since you met, you’ve had to use your vibrator to the thought of him to ease the burn in your stomach just enough to get through the day.

You both didn’t know what it was about each other. You got under each other’s skin like no other.

And it wasn’t until he brought his eyes back to you, green meeting yours, that he noticed the dilation in your pupils. He could no longer pretend that he didn’t want you. It was killing him.

His hand grasps the back of your neck in a tight grip, asserting his dominance, as he pulls you into him. Your lips smashing into each other. He wasted no time before slipping his tongue directly into your mouth, moaning in the process as you let him in with such ease.

Your taut nipples poked through fabric of your bralette underneath the silk top you wore. Charles kept one hand on the back of your neck, pressing you into him, while the other slipped into the buttoned shirt, pinching your nipples between his thumb and forefinger.

He groaned hotly into your mouth as he grabbed a handful of your breast, something he’s always wanted to do.

You crawled your way into his lap, the short skirt riding up your waist as you straddled his lap in the desk chair. You grinded against his thigh, moaning into his mouth. He swallowed every moan you gave, his hands eventually sliding down to your hips and guiding your movement.

“You drive me fucking crazy, chérie.” He spoke the words in between kisses, the sentence sounding broken as your tongue swirled around his.

“Are we really doing this?” You pulled away, unable to stop the motion of your hips as you stared at him. His hair was in complete disarray, lips swollen from kissing you so hard, and his eyes were half-shut like he was drunk off of your kisses.

He didn’t respond with words. Instead, he places his hands onto the backside of your thighs and lifted you as he came to a stance, placing you directly on the edge of his desk before him.

You both were frantic, ripping off each other’s clothes as fast as you could in between the wet, hot open-mouthed kisses. It wasn’t long before you were almost completely nude, aside from the mini skirt bunched above your waist, and sprawled along his desk with his hard cock stretching the velvet walls of your pussy with a delicious burn. His thumb pressed tiny but firm circles on your swollen clit, leaving you delusional on his desk.

His lips trailed all over your body. They moved from the spot right below your ear, to the underside of your jaw, up to the corner of your mouth.

“Feel so fucking good, chérie.” He groaned. His hips moving at a fervent pace, you don’t think you would last much longer, especially with his hot words whispered into the shell of your ear.

He pulled away from you for a moment, just to stare at how fucked you were. Your hair was no longer in a clip, seeing as he pulled it out of your hair and tossed it across his office just mere minutes ago. Your cheeks and chest were flushed, and the bounce of your tits almost had him cumming on the spot.

“I’ve wanted this for so long,” He confesses. The words jumbling off his lips as he ruts against you, the large wooden desk pushing forward with each powerful thrust of his hips into you. The office walls echoed your moans, you were practically screaming in pleasure for the entire world to hear.

You nodded your head repeatedly, unable to form the words, too drunk off the feeling of his cock pressing against the very spot that ached the most for him. Because you too, wanted this for so long.

“Yeah?” He smugly asks. “You wanted this too?” He slows his hips down, but it doesn’t lessen the effect of just how good his cock feels against you. Your walls are clamped around him tightly, not wanting to let him go.

“Mhm,” you groaned. “Needed this so bad….needed you” You words were almost incoherent as he spits directly onto your clit, his thumb now speeding up the little circles he’s been doing all this time.

He had to pinch his eyes shut at the confession, almost sending him to release his cum right into you. “Mon dieu,” His voice grumbles, reverberating in his chest as he leans over your body on the desk, trailing his tongue and sucking on your nipple.

“I’m gonna,” you begin. “fuck, fuck,” It takes a few seconds of Charles sucking on your nipple before the burn deep in your stomach completely takes over, sending your legs spasming around his waist. Your orgasm was explosive and wet. You don’t think you’ve ever experienced this before as you squeeze around Charles’s cock so tightly, he feels like he can barely move his cock. 

“Fucking, mmm,” He can barely get full sentences out as you squirt all over his cock and onto the papers of his desk. “That’s a good girl,” He stands up tall, watching you thrash around on his desk, and the now soaked plans beneath your body.

“Doing so good for me.”

“Feels so fucking good”

“So fucking beautiful”

“Does my cock feel as good as you feel to me?” 

With a few more mumbled phrases spewing out of Charles’s lips, his own orgasm hits him, as he pulls out quickly, his hot cum landing directly across your stomach in a gooey string.

You both were panting, unable to form words as he collapses his chest down onto you. The ability to stand lost on him as his pants rest at his ankles. Your chests move in sync as you catch your breaths, Charles’s cum pressed to both of your skin.

“Looks like we need to re-do the plans again.” Charles jokes which quickly earns a soft chuckle from your lips in response.

[overandundertarot]

pick a tattoo; message for you

pile 1; Queen of hearts, The Hermit reversed, Ace of swords.

Pile 1 I feel you are taking time to cultivate a specific state of mind. Stillness, being present while at the same time appreciating such intense aspects of human emotions and meeting them with kindness and love. Right now, you are considering pursuing a solo journey, it's not something everyone will understand or that you can even explain. This can be physical or mental; you want to incorporate a potent source of creativity and connection to source in your daily experience. Keep at it, you're still wondering how to go about it. It feels like a half formed idea in your conciousness but let it marinate. You will arrive at a conclusion soon. For some there is something to do with cutting it off with/reaching out to another person. I heard making the best decision for both of you; do what you know and feel is right.

pile 2; 10 of cups, Ace of cups, Ace of swords.

Wow Pile 2! Romance is in the air! You have a romantic prospect right now(or several!) and are trying to be discerning. If not one is coming towards you very soon. You want to protect your heart, but are a secret hopeless romantic! You want in your deepest of hearts to get lost in the feeling and go crazy with love; experiencing the joys and exhileration of being with another person. You hope your partner can be an escape from reality for you, if not a soothing balm to the exhausting end of your day. You want a partner, a family and domestic bliss. Message for you is to give them a chance; let them show you how good it can be. Say yes to that movie or that trip! It seems too good to be true, but it's all you deserve. Enjoy it. So much happiness in in store for you pile 2! Ahhhh I wanna hug you, my heart is feeling full with it.

pile 3; Queen of pentacles, 9 of wands, King of wands.

Pile 3, how're you feeling? It's important to check in with yourself every now and then. You're working hard on a journey but you need to give yourself appropriate time to rest. I'm hearing that you romanticise the suffering. Not to a toxic degree but to make it all the more bearable. You likely already know your message. Keep going. You're doing wonderfully. This pile reminds me of Victoria Monet's words at the recent grammy awards. To paraphrase she explained that her receiving that award last night was a process years in the making; she was growing roots, laying ground. And she's finally begining to sprout. It's the same for you. You are patient with yourself, tending to to your work that you know will put you at the top one day. You have this regal air about you, keep your head held high. Some of you are facing a decision, I'm hearing to go with the shocking option lol.

pile 4; 6 of wands reversed, Queen of cups reversed, Ace of swords.

Things are very much upside down for you pile 4. There's been a thwarted victory(or a hollow one at the very least). It left you feeling empty. I get the feeling like you're crying out to the universe for help but it seems like no one is listening. You're keeping all these things bottled up; refusing to open up. There are people in your life who want to reach out to you but you are not trusting them, very guarded though i feel like its not obvious. Many people may not even know that you are struggling; they think everything is going great for you. The message for you is basically what you just read; you didn't know how to pinpoint what you were feeling. Reframe the situation; are you satisfied with those conditions? That's a no, open up to the people around you, or find a channel to process these emotions. Let yourself bloom again. There's also a big theme of turning your pain into profit. Perhaps use your experience to create art or to find a new persepctive in your work. There are solutions available to you. Use them.

[f4ll-for-you]

The Way Things Go

Aegon Targaryen x Nanny Reader | Series Masterlist

word count: 4.9k

warnings: mentions of neglect, abandonment, family issues, alcohol, smutty mc smut at the end for all you hoes.

thank you as always to my amazing bestie @arcielee for beta reading and improving this, I love you endlessly.

Aegon’s life had been easy, doing what he wanted, when he wanted. 

He’d learnt to numb his feelings from a young age, drowning his thoughts and emotions in wine, spirits and drugs. 

Parties were Aegon's happy place, his sanctuary. Girls, drugs and booze all day and night. That was his life.

Or it was, until the 11th September three years ago. The day his daughter came into his life.

Alicent, although confused, shocked, and angry, was overjoyed to find the little bundle of joy abandoned at her doorstep with only a note.

“She's yours, Aegon, look after her, I can’t anymore. Her name is Athena.”

Predictably, Aegon had no idea who the mother was.

“Athena,” Alicent whimpered as a mixture of love, pain, and bewilderment settled in her stomach as she held the bundle in her arms.

“Fuck,” Aegon mumbled, unable to even look at her, his heart beating out of his chest, he felt like the world was closing in on him all at once.

Before Alicent could say another word, Aegon ran.

It took seven full days for Aegon to return; his crumpled form was found laying on doorstep by his younger brother Aemond.

“C’mon,” was all Aemond spoke before lifting his older brother to his feet. Aegon said nothing.

“C’mon,” was all Aemond spoke, his long frame leaned over to lift his older brother to his feet. Aegon said nothing. 

He brought him back and Aegon slept for hours, waking to the soft sounds of laughter in the room next to him. There was a tiny giggle, something unexpected that caused a flutter in his chest. He instead ignored it, moving to the bathroom instead.

Aegon washed away the remnants of his binge and dressed in cleaned clothes before his curiosity peaked, and he made his way to the room.

He was nervous, rooted at the door frame, peeking through. Helaena, Aemond, and his mother sat around in a circle on the plush carpet, enraptured by the little person crawling between them. She was still unsteady, showing that she’d barely learned to crawl. 

Aegon watched, silent. It was undeniable this was his daughter from the curve of her face and the beauty mark on her chin, to her wide eyes that took in everything and toothless grin when she saw him standing. She was pure and at the same time, untouched by his blood with her dark curls and eyes, something that was intimately his and still far apart from his father’s bloodline. 

“Aegon,” Helaena whispered so as not to startle him; he looked at her warily. “Come here,” she grinned, motioning with her hands. 

He awkwardly entered, unsure where to go until space was created for him to sit down, his gaze never leaving his daughter’s dark curls. She looked at him, a newfound curiosity by the new someone in the room, and she smiled, crawling with ambition towards him and throwing herself into his arms. 

Aegon felt his heart stop. 

“I think she knows who you are,” Alicent smiled, her eyes glassy. 

It took Aegon a year to get on his feet, immediately taking a job at his fathers company to ensure he could provide for both himself and his daughter. 

Upon his mother's insistence, they stayed at the manor. Alicent was happy to have them around; she felt proud of her first grandchild, not caring about the circumstances of where she came from, but instead relished in watching her grow, and seeing how Aegon was becoming into fatherhood.

After another year, Aegon had made enough to rent his own place, knowing his mother needed some well deserved time to herself. He chose a penthouse apartment in the city, closer to the office but near the parks that his daughter adored. 

He made sure to spend as much time with her as he could, but without Alicent’s help, he began to struggle. 

“Aegon, let me hire you a nanny,” his mother insisted. 

“No, I can do this, it’s fine,” he replied. He knew she was right, but admitting the harsh truth felt like failure. He’d made many mistakes in his life, his daughter's life, and happiness would not be one of them.

Aegon eventually agreed to the idea and it was another week of his mother and sister interviewing candidates before they could mutually agree on one. The list was simple enough: someone who would watch over Athena during the day while Aegon worked, between the hours of 8am each morning until 5pm each evening, Monday through Friday.  

You were terrified of the interview process, intimidated by the large apartment you entered. Alicent, the grandmother, and Helaena, who you initially believed to be the mother, seemed welcoming enough, with soft glances exchanged between as you shared about your experience raising your three younger siblings.  You were then introduced to Athena, who offered a toothy grin and took to you instantly, and while you played with her, her giggles and chatter began to fill your soul.

Helena, who you assumed was the child’s mother, introduced you to Athena, who took to you instantly. 

You played with her for half an hour, hearing her giggle and chatter filled your soul. By the time you left you were desperate for the position.

Within two days, you’d received confirmation that you’d got the job, jumping around your small apartment with excitement. 

For the first few months, you didn’t meet Athena’s father. Only speaking to Alicent, her grandmother, and Helena, who you’d learned was her aunt.The first couple of years, Alicent assisted with looking after Athena, wanting to make the most of her time with her young grandchild as well as the woman hired to watch over her. During this time, you had met Aegon once, maybe twice, but always in passing, not exchanging more than a few words at most.

When 5pm came around, once more as you cleared Athena’s dinner and prepared for the handover. Upon hearing the front door open, you looked up, only to be greeted with a tall, blonde haired man you’d never seen before. “Hi, can I help you?” You asked nervously, wondering how he’d got in the apartment with its strict security.

“Oh Y/N hi, I’m Aegon, Athena’s father,” he smiled and extended his arm to shake your hand. Upon hearing his name your face turned red, embarrassed that you’d not recognised your boss. 

“Oh, Aegon, I’m so sorry, nice to see you again,” you mumbled in response, shaking his hand gently, embarrassed that you’d managed to forget what your boss looked like. 

Since that awkward encounter, you’d tried to avoid Aegon, embarrassment filled your system every time you saw him.

However, much to your annoyance Aegon had begun working from home. He’d often have lunch with Athena, leaving you to make awkward small talk as you made and tidied away each meal. Aegon noticed how uncomfortable you seemed. 

“I’m sorry for changing your routine,” he spoke quietly, helping you dry up the plates you’d just washed.

“Don’t worry about it, she clearly enjoys having you around more,” you smile looking back at little Athena playing with her toys at the table. 

A moment of sadness passes over Aegon’s face with her words, realising what they implied. 

“No, sorry, that’s not what I meant,” you looked down, cursing yourself, Athena oblivious to the whole conversation.

“I know,” Aegon sighed and half smiled, “I do as much as I can, but someone’s still got to pay for this place,” he joked, coming back to his usual self once more.

It didn’t take long for Aegon to make his way back into his study, shutting the world out for another few hours while he worked.

The next week, you woke up to several missed calls from Aegon; immediately you called him back, heart pattering frantically in your chest, your brain filled with all the terrible things that could’ve happened in one night away. 

“Aegon–“ you spoke, panicked.

“Y/N, sorry to ring you so early but I don’t think you should come today, Athena and I are sick,” he mumbled breathlessly.

You enjoyed a moment of relief before you replied, insisting that you were coming anyway and that Athena and Aegon needed adequate care. From Aegon's voice you could tell he wasn’t in a fit state to care for himself, let alone a toddler, so you made your way over to his apartment, ignoring his pleas for you to stay away.

“Y/N, you shouldn’t be here,” Aegon grumbled without looking at you from his place on the sofa. You’d let yourself in so he wouldn’t have to get up.

They were laying on the large L shaped sofa, Athena laying with her head on Aegon's chest. You walked over and placed your hand on her forehead as she slept. “She’s burning up,” you commented worriedly.

“I know, her temperature has been 40 degrees since last night, barely slept, bless her,” Aegon looked down anxiously, stroking his daughter's hair.

“You should’ve called me back, I could’ve helped,” you spoke softly, taking the abandoned water glasses and making your way to the kitchen. Aegon just shook his head, you were too kind for your own good.

Despite the awkward introduction, you had grown accustomed to him working from home. You appreciated the presence of an adult and looked forward to the shared lunches, growing more comfortable around Aegon and sharing about your lives; you learned quickly that he was easy to talk with.

You grabbed more water and began making a hot lemon tea for his throat. As the kettle boiled, you grabbed a cold flannel for Athena to reduce her temperature. 

“You should get some sleep. I’m here, I’ll watch her,” you spoke reassuringly to Aegon as you handed him the cup of warm liquid. 

You watched him pause, reluctant to leave his daughter alone when she needed him. “You can’t look after her while you’re in his state,” you commended, gesturing to his red nose and dark eyes. Aegon nodded, attempting a smile of gratitude before standing up, moving Athena off his lap gently. 

“Thank you, I’ll only be an hour,” he relented as he made his way back to his bedroom. You couldn’t help but admire how cute he looked in his plaid pyjama pants and t-shirt.

Aegon's sleepy head resurfaced much more than an hour later, feeling slightly better than he had that morning. He found Athena snuggled up on your lap, asleep once more, cold and flu medicine sitting next to the pair of you on the side table. 

As Aegon moved closer, he noticed how pale you’d become. He mentally cursed himself for letting you come over. 

“You alright?” He asked as you turned to look at him.

“Yeah, she woke up for a bit and we watched cartoons. I managed to get her to eat something, now she’s sleeping again.” You tried not to wince as you felt pain in your throat, not wanting Aegon to know you were likely coming down with the same illness.

“Let me take over,” Aegon spoke as he sat down next to the pair, pressing the back of his hand over his daughter's forehead to check her temperature. 

“No, you’re sick, you need to focus on you getting better,” you protest immediately. 

“Y/N,” he spoke firmly in response, “I can tell you’re feeling just as bad.”

“I’m fine Aegon, this is my job,” you deflect, not meaning to have such an annoyed tone with your boss.

“Then let’s at least do it together, and if you feel any worse, let me know and I’ll call you an Uber,” he conceded.

Within the hour, all three of you were asleep on the couch. 

Aegon woke up not much later to you having a coughing fit. He immediately moved his daughter gently to the other side of the couch and began patting your back; his yes frantically searching for the glass of water he’d brought over earlier. 

After a few moments you finally stopped, breathing heavily and feeling light headed. “Thanks,” you wheezed, sipping the water slowly. “What time is it?” 

“It’s almost 8 in the evening,” Aegon replied. He really didn’t want you to leave tonight, especially not in this state. He couldn’t stop the guilt in his chest feeling like this whole situation was his fault. 

Before you could reply, a heavy dizziness fell over you and you’d realise you hadn’t eaten since breakfast. You had been too busy focusing on Athena and Aegon, and your appetite had disappeared once you started to feel unwell.

“Aeg-“ you mumbled, your vision completely blurred now as you began to feel sick. 

“Y/N? What’s wrong?” Aegon asked in a panic, kneeling in front of you. 

“Daddy what’s wrong with Y/N, she looks funny,” Athena spoke in a tiny, worried voice. 

You were barely responding, slumped on the couch. Aegon did his best not to show his panicked face to Athena.

“Y/N’s just really tired, why don’t we let her have a sleepover?” Aegon lifted you up gently as you rested your arm over his shoulders.

“Can you walk?” He whispered, you nodded weakly.

Aegon took you to his bedroom, placing you gently onto the bed as you laid there, face as pale as the walls that surrounded you.

“I’m gonna make you some toast, I’ll be back” Aegon spoke hurriedly after getting you comfortable. You nodded vaguely in response.

“Athena, can you get yourself into bed while Daddy makes Y/N some food. I think she’s come down with our cold,” he spoke to his daughter who nodded. She seemed to have much more energy after sleeping all day. 

Aegon arrived back into your room holding a cup of tea and plain toast. He sat in front of you as you leant towards him, the dizziness taking over once more.

“Hey, try eating this,” he spoke softly as he held the toast up to your mouth, noticing you could barely move your arms to do it yourself.

You managed a few bites and started to feel more human again. “I’m sorry,” you mumbled, “I’m meant to be the one helping you.”

“Well we’re friends aren’t we?” Aegon spoke smiling.

His words caused your heart to flutter, your cheeks tinting red.

“Oh, you’ve got some colour back, that’s good,” he commented, not realising it was him making you blush. “You’re not going home tonight, you can stay here and I’ll sleep on the couch.”

As much as you tried to protest, Aegon was having none of it, and eventually, you relented.

It had been a few days since you’d stayed at Aegon’s; Athena was full of joy to find you still there at breakfast the next morning. You emerged in the t-shirt and joggers Aegon had given you, still feeling exhausted.

Aegon called you and Uber and instructed you to rest for a couple of days and for once you listened. 

Friday evenings in the Targaryen household always consisted of a large family dinner. It was Alicent’s tradition she’d created as soon as her first child flew the nest. 

“Grandmother!” Athena shouted, running into Alicent’s arms as soon as she entered the manor. 

“My darling, how are you?” She smiled warmly and hugged her grandchild.

After a few pleasantries and catch ups, the family sat around the large dining table, the servants plating up their dishes as the family chatter filled the room.

Athena insisted on sitting next to her grandmother, loving the adoring attention she gave. “How has your week been my sweet?” she asked softly, placing the napkin on the small child's lap.

“We were poorly but Daddy and I are much better now, so is Y/N,” Athena spoke while playing with her cutlery.

“Oh, your father didn’t mention Y/N was unwell too,” Alicent replied, confused.

“Yes, it was good though because Daddy looked after her and we had a sleepover,” Athena giggled.

“Really? That must have been fun, was Y/N looking after you in your room?” Alicent questioned, as Aegon caught on to what they were discussing.

“No Y/N slept in Daddy’s room–” Athena continued before Aegon promptly interrupted.

“I slept on the couch, she was sick, she couldn’t get home,” he hurriedly confirmed with rosy cheeks.

“I’m glad you looked after her, Y/N is family now.” Alicent replied smiling knowingly. She’d always hoped something would blossom between the pair, having known Y/N for many years now she’d always secretly hoped she would become something more than Athena’s nanny one day. 

Aegon’s blush deepened, knowing his mother had caught him out as he glared at Athena. She giggled at her father’s expression; you could tell she was Aegon's daughter, always one for mischief.

“So, what's this I hear about Y/N staying over,” Aemond whispered next to Aegon, his smirk winding him up.

“Shut up, she was sick, I helped, end of,” Aegon muttered.

“Your face says otherwise, brother,” Aemond commented quietly.

“Fuck off,” Aegon whispered under his breath, careful not to let Athena, or worse, his mother, hear his language.

“Bye Grandmother!” Athena shouted, running out onto the large driveway that was bathed in an orange sunset.

“Aegon, before you go,” Alicent spoke, placing her hand on her son's shoulder. “We’re having an event this weekend. I’d like Y/N to come, not for Athena, just as family.”

“Um, I’ll ask,” Aegon spoke, not making eye contact.

“I’ll know if you don’t,'' Alicent shouted as Aegon walked down the steps, trying to get away from his mother’s meddling as quickly as possible.

Friday night came around much quicker than Aegon had anticipated, and predictably, he had still neglected to ask Y/N to his mothers event. Part of him wanted her there, he always felt calmer with her around, and he knew how loathsome his mother’s parties could be, or ‘events’ as she called them.

He walked into the kitchen while you were making lunch for Athena, concentrating on cutting up some vegetables. Oh how he wished you’d never leave, that you were permanently here as his other half. He blushed at his own uncontrolled thoughts, shaking them out of his head. 

“Ahh,” you shrieked, turning around to see Aegon, throwing the freshly cut vegetables on the floor. “Aegon! You scared me!”

“Fuck, sorry!” he spoke, running around the kitchen island to help you pick up what you’d dropped. 

You suddenly found him close to you, his head looking around the floor frantically picking up bits of cucumber and carrot. When he looked up, his lips were inches from yours, so close you could feel his minty breath. You could help but flick your eyes to his lips as he did the same. You wanted him to kiss you there and then. 

“Sorry, it's my fault,” you mumbled, pulling yourself out of your thoughts and trying to hide your reddening face.

“No–” Aegon began before hearing the ringtone of his iPhone. He saw his mother’s name flash up on the screen, knowing it would be another call regarding the invitation.

“Do you need to get that?” you asked, looking at his frozen expression.

“No, uh, it's just about this event my mother has planned for tomorrow, she's asked if you would come.”

“Oh, of course, for Athena?” You question, it wasn’t uncommon for you to assist with looking after Aegon's daughter at family events, but you hadn’t been asked since she was a baby.

“No, actually, she wants you there as family,” Aegon spoke awkwardly.

You looked down and smiled; you’d always loved Alicent, after spending a lot of time with her when you’d first got the job you became close. “I’d love to, will you be going?” 

“Unfortunately, yes,” Aegon smiled jokingly.

“Oh come on, there will be endless champagne, what's not to love!” And you both giggled.

You’d agreed that the pair of you would share an Uber to the manor, not wanting to walk into the lion's den on your own. Although you loved Alicent, you knew their family friends were not always easy people to get along with, and often looked down on you for your job and lack of social status.

It had taken you hours to get ready, ensuring your makeup was perfect and dress seamless. You had to look perfect for a Targaryen event, and for Aegon. 

Athena ran up to you as you entered the apartment with your own key, her own grin making you smile. “Y/N you look beautiful! Daddy, come and look at how beautiful Y/N looks!” she shouted through the apartment. 

“Just a minute, angel,” he shouted back. Aegon had also been taking his time getting ready, he felt determined to show you he wasn’t just a workaholic single dad, he could have fun too. Upon thinking that, he then realised that's exactly what a single workaholic dad would say and spiralled into embarrassment once more.

He walked out of his bedroom in frustration, holding his tie at each end. “Wow,” he said without thinking, you looked perfect. 

You’d chosen to wear a long dark green dress with a slit going halfway up your thigh, your hair flowing down your shoulders with silver heels peeking out underneath.

“Not too bad yourself,” you laughed in response to his reaction, trying to prevent a blush forming on your cheeks and failing. “Need a hand?” you motioned to his tie.

“Please.”

You giggled and walked over to him, Athena bounding around beside the pair of you. “Can you hold this for me sweets?” you asked Athena, handing her your silver clutch bag. She nodded quickly in agreement, whispering something that sounded like ‘sparkly.’

“Thanks,” Aegon spoke, his mahogany vanilla cologne drawing you in, making you feel intoxicated by his presence. Fuck, you thought, how were you ever going to keep yourself together tonight when all you wanted to do was kiss his perfect lips.

“There you go,” you smiled as he stared into your eyes, looking as if he was about to lean in.

The door opened moments later, startling you both. “Just me!” Helena shouted, closing the door behind her.

Both of you jumped, quickly pulling away causing you to almost fall over Athena. 

“Remind me again why you got out of this and I didn’t,” Aegon asked his sister grumpily.

“Because I don’t skip half of the family dinners like you do Aegon,” Helena retorted, running over to Athena for a cuddle.

Athena smiled at her Aunt and hugged her back whispering, “Y/N looks really pretty.”

“She does, doesn’t she,” Helena whispered back, smiling. “Off you go, don’t want to keep mother waiting, and I think I passed your Uber on the way up.”

Aegon pouted like a child as you dragged him towards the door, both of you giggling as you walked down the stairs; Aegon offered to hold your hand to assist you with your incredibly high heels.

The pair of you walked into the entrance hall filled with people. Aegon immediately flagged down the nearest waiter and picked up two glasses of champagne. “We’ll need this.”

“Thank you,” you smiled, clinking glasses.

“I should thank your mother,” you spoke as Aegon sighed. “Then the pleasantries are done and we can get drunk,” you reasoned, making Aegon smile.

“Alicent!” You spoke as you spotted her with Aemond. 

“Y/N, you came! I was so worried Aegon wouldn’t invite you,” she beamed, making sure to glare at Aegon momentarily for inviting you at such late notice.

“I wouldn’t miss it,” you smiled back, hugging her.

“I’ve missed you so much. We must have you over more, like the old days,” Alicent began waffling to you as Aegon looked more and more bored.

After twenty minutes of chatting, Aegon began to grumble. “What's the point in asking me to invite her mother if you’re going to keep her the whole time.”

“Oh hush Aegon, it's not attractive to be jealous,” Alicent remarked, causing Aegon to look down as he blushed.

“Looks like you need a top up anyway,” Aemond commented looking at your champagne glass, you gave him a grateful look. You enjoyed talking to Alicent, but if you were going to survive the night you really needed another drink.

“Lets go,” Aegon swooped in, placing his arm around your shoulder, taking you off to the bar.

“I know your game, mother,” Aemond commented, smirking. 

“I don't know what you mean” she smiled, watching as Aegon and Y/N walked away together.

By nine, Y/N and Aegon were ten glasses of champagne down and heavily tipsy. They’d left the party half an hour ago and escaped to the gardens, tired of old white men asking awkward questions.

“I’m really grateful for you, you know,” Aegon spoke, his thoughts spilling out of him in his alcohol induced state.

“I should be the grateful one, you gave me this job.”

“I couldn’t raise her without you,” he looked up into your eyes, placing a hand on your cheek.

You felt hot as his scent surrounded you, placing your hand on his leg. Your better judgement long gone as you both leaned in, your lips meeting in a long, passionate kiss.

Aegon bought his other hand up to your face and gently bit down on your lower lip, his tongue slipping into your mouth as you fought for dominance. You moaned gently causing his pants to tighten.

You pulled away, both grinning, “I’ve wanted to do that for a while,” he spoke, breathless.

“Me too.”

Aegon stood up, holding his hand out as he led you into the pool house.

It took all of about 5 seconds to have you up against the wall, his lips attacking yours once more as you both moaned heavily, the alcohol in your system only making you want each other more. 

His hand moved slowly down your body, between your legs, sliding his fingers over your centre. He slowly moved his head down, kissing delicately down to your breasts, snaking his hand behind your dress and unlacing the ribbons. 

You moved your hands into Aegon’s hair, moaning his name louder and louder as his own hand moved between your legs. His finger curled into you, gently moving in and out, and he growled against your skin when he felt the wetness of your centre.

He entered another finger, making you squirm a little, not used to the intense feeling. "Shhh, I'm just preparing you," he whispered into your ear, only turning you on more. Panting between each kiss, Aegon pulled away, your dress now falling off your shoulders and easy to pull off, focusing every moment on your pleasure. 

He knelt down between your legs and gently kissed each thigh. "Please," you begged breathlessly, knowing what he was about to do. 

"Sorry, I didn't quite hear that love," he teased. 

"Please Aegon," you moaned, desperate for him to do something, to come undone on his tongue. He began to kitten lick your clit as you pushed yourself further up towards him, your arms barely able to hold you up on the table. 

"Someone's needy," he said, his cocky tone vibrating against you, making both of you moan, his face still buried in between your legs. 

Noticing you were getting close to your release, Aegon pulled himself away, moving himself up to kiss you, tasting yourself on his warm lips. 

He undid his own trousers, positioning himself, ready to take you, to feel all of you. He knew he should be gentle, but he didn't want to be. 

Aegon pushed himself into you, giving you a moment to adjust to his size before moving, grunting at the glorious feeling of your spongy walls taking him perfectly. "Fuck, so fucking tight," he moaned into your neck, kissing you roughly now, his animalistic desires taking over. 

You moaned into his ear, making him moan in return, he couldn't take it anymore, he needed to be deeper. He pushed you back into the hard wooden table, lifting one of your legs up towards your chest, gaining further access, panting and moaning.

His hand reached down between your legs getting you to your own high, "Aeg–” you moaned, the pressure of his rough thumb rubbing circles onto your clit and the feeling of him pulsing inside of you pushing you over the edge. 

"Fuck, I'm close," he moaned, kissing you, his tongue making its way into your mouth once more. After a few more strokes, he released himself inside of you, the feeling of you clenching around his length driving him crazy. 

Aegon looked up at you, your eyes heavy from your recent high, enjoying the visible pleasure he had just provided you. You both stayed in silence for a moment, panting, smiling. “That was–“ you began, “incredible” he finished the sentence for you. 

After regaining composure, you pulled your dress back on, looking slightly dishevelled. “Home?” Aegon asked as you nodded grinning in response.

Before you walked towards the house, Aegon sent a quick text. 

Shithead brother: Fancy looking after Athena for the night? 

Helena (Sister): I owe mother £20, ffs.

Shithead brother: I’ll take that as a yes.

“Hel’s with Athena for the night,” he said smiling.

“We can continue at my place,” you giggled as he took your hand in his.

The pair of you walked back into the manor receiving shocked looks from the guests. Your appearance giving away your recent activities. Aegon merely smirked and squeezed your hand tighter.

Alicent looked half embarrassed, half pleased, watching the pair of you walk out hand in hand, excited to finally have you as a daughter.

Taglist: @fan-goddess @amiraisgoingthruit @sylas-the-grim @khaleesihel @aemondsgirlfriend

[celaenaeiln]

What is your opinion on Babdick/dickbabs? I personally hate it because it doesn’t look like a healthy relationship especially when Barbara doesn’t seem to love dick all that much

It's not and she doesn't and I don't like them together at all.

Oracle Barbara was mostly fine but I CANNOT STAND Batgirl Barbara and Dick.

Take this comic for instance, Dick and Barbara have broken up (as they always do) and Dick is thinking about it and being sad about their relationship. He calls Barbara to say sorry as he always does

DC's Crimes of Passion

But Barbara's feelings on the breakup?

DC's Crimes of Passion

When Barbara says she's scared of needing someone, I can totally understand that. It's a immense feeling and perfectly acceptable reason but-

"I don't know what to call us. I don't even really know what I want us to be. Or what we're supposed to be."

Really?

This isn't the sound of a girl in love, this is the sound of a woman stringing along a man.

She doesn't want to be together with Dick but she's doesn't want to be away from him. She loves him but can't stand the idea of loving him.

And truthfully? I get this too - because I almost did it myself. A guy I'm good friends with asked me out on a date and to be honest I didn't even feel the same about him that way. I was just friends with him and when he asked me I thought about accepting. He's super kind, good looking, and smart and he's an absolute catch. I thought about saying yes - not because I had a crush on him or anything, but I just wanted to be in love. But I didn't because that's a terrible thing for me to do. I didn't have any attraction for him romantically but if I started going out with him just because I wanted someone that would super, duper crappy of me. He's an awesome guy and he deserves way more than that. I didn't want to string him along. It would make me an awful person if I had done it.

To go out with them just because I wanted someone.

DC's Crimes of Passion

It's the constant back and forth between that I can't stand.

Nightwing (2011) Annual 1

What. Timing.

I genuinely don't understand what's she trying to get at here. I thought love was about working through the hardest times in your life together, achieving successes together, and always being there for each other. I didn't think love was about falling apart during every crisis big or small. I didn't think it was about breaking up when you felt like it and not bothering to resolve the issues that caused you to break up in the first place.

Later on in the comic, Barbara talks about talking it out later and goes to meet Dick but he had to leave cause he got called for a case.

Really. Now it's on the both of them here. They can't be together because then it's going to be a long distance relationship?

Frankly Dick in a semi and Barbara in a vest is...is there some stereotype about trucker families not working out that I'm missing here? what is this.

That's another thing that bothers me about Dickbabs. They never resolve the issue that caused them to break up in the first place. Sometimes I'm reading them and all of sudden Barbara's like "we should stop seeing each other," and I'm like why??? There's literally nothing going on??

Barbara cares a lot about Dick. She cares about his safety and sometimes his emotional wellbeing but she doesn't love him for who he is. She loves the idea of him but not him.

I swear I used to root so hard for them but it's exhausting to like them together when Dick is dumping buckets of love over Barbara's head while she's holding up an umbrella. And then she takes the umbrella and stabs it through his heart.

She can be super toxic when it comes to Dick.

Nightwing (1996) Issue #86

She literally blames Dick for trying to make her happy. In the comic he's doing acrobatics all over the place, fixing her computer so it's easier for her, and generally being overly cheerful for her so she'll forget her pain and become happy at least for a moment and in turn-she literally Gaslights him??

"You can't stop reminding me of what I once was. You can't stop flaunting your own health. You still think you're immortal, Dick, and you're not."

Are you for real?! If someone is walking and you're in a wheelchair, you want them to be in one too because you feel sad about yourself?

And the constant way she talks down to him.

But even this I can sort of understand. Let's throw the blame on Dick here for a split second even though it's not his fault. Barbara is recently put into a wheelchair so she's depressed. Dick is being overly helpful. He wants to do everything for her so he can make her life easier, to alleviate her pain and she's tired of that. That's understandable and honestly they did need a little break here so Dick could turn down his enthusiasm and let Barbara be the strong woman she's known to be. BUT WHY IS SHE BLAMING HIM?? Just tell him you want some time apart to figure out yourself without throwing the blame and breaking the heart of your boyfriend who loves you so much.

Dick here reminded me of family members after their child has been diagnosed with cancer. They want to do everything they can but they don't know how so they keep smiling through the pain and being as positive as possible.

Here's my main issue with Dickbabs. Writers are incapable of writing the two of them together in a way that lifts both of them up.

They got it into their heads that to make Barbara look smart, they have to make Dick look dumb. That to make Barbara look skillful, they have to make Dick look incompetent.

But hey it's unfair of me to use Nightwing comics only (DC crimes of passion isn't a nightwing comic but the point still stands) to talk about Dickbabs.

I'm not saying all Dickbabs is bad. There's a couple that are good like this one

Batgirls Issue #8

They're so cute!!! They look so hot together too

but. Writers as always are incapable of writing Dick as a strong independent character that relies on Barbara.

Batgirls Issue #8

Sorry, Dick - who has beaten Batman, destroyed Justice Leagues, runs superhero teams with some of the strongest metas in the world and has beaten them without breaking a sweat - just lets himself get kicked and punched around for fun? Are you trying to tell me that Dick only fights because people insult Barbara? I can't believe I'm saying this but Tom Taylor has written better than this.

Their love can be so one sided.

She abuses Dick as an emotional outlet for her anger and resentment.

Nightwing (1996) Issue #87

Context: She's blaming him for being sexually harassed by Catalina. Catalina earlier broke into their date night, beat Barbara up in the wheelchair, kissed Dick and kneed him to surprise him before Dick beat her off Barbara.

And not only is she busy victim blaming him, she's also busy calling him incompetent. And Dick's rightfully mad that as a vigilante of nearly two decades she's telling him he's pathetic.

And what does Bruce have to do with anything here? From the Titans, we know that Dick's greatest fear is turning into Batman. They fight so hard to protect him from it, and what does Barbara do?

"Congratulations. You've managed to turn into Bruce."

This makes me the most mad though-

"Bludhaven was managing a long time before you got here."

The anger I felt was incandescent. Why do people fight crime Barbara? I guess Bruce should just call it a night and take Batman for a nap forever. Why was Batgirl created if Gotham was managing before Batgirl even existed? In one sentence, she's managed to trash the multiverses of superheroes.

No wonder Wally wants Kori and Dick together. Barbara's mad at him for protecting her against Catalina. If Dick had just kept sitting and waiting for the bodyguards in that fancy place then Barbara wouldn't be severely injured. But oops. His bad.

After he punches the board she gets mad and leaves and Dick's emotional well-being goes on a downward spiral.

I have other issues with them because Dick's relationship with Barbara diminishes his canonical relationships with the superhero community.

Again - writers' problem.

So...complicated. They could be amazing if written right but right now I'm wavering between being indifferent to them and disliking them. They should seriously just be friends instead.

I need to clarify something first. Barbara Gordon herself is fine. She's cool. But when she's with Dick? The way writers write them as well as her own personality comes out in the worst, most toxic ways.

And that's not even getting into what writers did to Kori's personality and Dick's morality. They just dashed decades of Teen Titans comics to make both of them look evil.

That's not even touching the atrocity of their Dark Nights: Death Metal scene or the way Barbara victim blamed Dick for having amnesia.

Batgirl (2016) Issue #50

This is so unfair. She can victim-blame Dick for having amnesia because she's mad at bruce but if Dick even yelled at her when he's mad at Bruce, it would be an International Incident in the fandom. Where's the equality in this?

I know Barbara is pretty mad at other things in this scene but she has a tendency to use Dick as an emotional outlet

Batgirl (2011) Issue #3

She's literally beating him up because she's upset at losing her fight against some villain and thinking about her own insecurities. He just dropped in to show her some love and help.

If Batgirl Barbara only acted this way in Nightwing comics, then I would be inclined to say that the writers have a preference against her. BUT she's acts like this in the Nightwing comics, the Batgirl comics, the Batman comics, the general DC comics, and practically every comic that has them together. Given that DC is rooting for Dickbabs and trashing Kori for it, there is literally no reason for her to be acting this way. And the thing is, Dick's other relationships have been fantastic. Not just the big ones, but the minor ones too that people forget have been full of love. So why can't they write Dickbabs that way?

I didn't even know how bad they were together until recently. I just kinda glossed over all the toxic components of their relationship because, you know, "girlbossing" right? But there's only so many plot holes you can sell to your readers before they start questioning the legitimacy of your product. Thus my feelings about them have changed.

This being said, I don't like them romantically but I love them as friends. When Barbara is just working with dick as crimefighting partners or friends, they make an awesome team and they're so fun to read. I just can't stand them together as lovers anymore. And really, even their good Batgirl/Nightwing lover moments just seem like it's them being good friends.

They have the potential to be great.

Nightwing (2016) Annual #1

Batgirl (2016) Issue #16

But usually they're just not.

[etherealhoneybee777]

The Tragedy of Teru: An Unnecessarily Long Thesis

I’ve seen some people ask: why the sudden change in Teru? Why did he suddenly go from a total menace who was okay with choking Mob to unconsciousness to a good guy/best friend type whose moral axis now completely revolves around Mob? I’ve seen some people claim that Teru’s redemption was so sudden that it’s unconvincing.

I don’t think the redemption was a sudden shift in Teru’s character. Actually, it’s the most natural progression for him. Consider Teru’s life circumstances. His parents completely abandoned him with no remorse. It wasn’t even because of Claw, they were just “busy” and moved overseas. He has no one to look after him at home. His relationships at school are largely superficial. He probably has severe attachment issues because of childhood neglect. He has no connections, no one truly rooting for him.

It’s an extremely shitty situation—but Teru convinces himself that he’s okay. In fact, he’s better than okay. He’s doing great. He’s doing the best because he’s better than everyone else—he has psychic powers, he’s popular, he’s talented in pretty much everything. Why would he need people to love and care for him when he has everything else “average” people dream of?

And so Teru’s entire emotional state revolves around a shaky thesis: that he’s better than everyone else. The main character. Main characters don’t need families. They don’t need love and support. Teru’s too superior for those things. And he HAS to be superior, because if he’s not, if he’s like everyone else, then he has to acknowledge the facts: that his parents left him, that there’s no clear cut purpose for his life, he’s completely alone, and there’s nothing he can do about it.  

If Teru’s the main character, then trauma and abandonment are just part of a tragic backstory---necessary hardships that will pave the way for all the great and superior things that Teru is destined to do. Whereas “average” people don’t have tragic backstories. When “average” people are abused and abandoned, it’s not part of some epic tale. It’s just sad. If Teru’s average, then the trauma is meaningless. Purposeless. 

And the weight of that is just too much for him to bear.

And so he dates girls he doesn’t like, and he cheats on tests, and he wins at sports, and he runs a gang. And he copes. For a while, it works.

And then it doesn’t.

Enter Shigeo Kageyama.

Mob’s existence rocks Teru’s world. The idea that there’s another natural child esper as powerful as him shatters his core belief that psychic powers made him the main character. Not only that, but Mob withstands all of Teru’s attacks, and refuses to fight back--a move that Teru finds insulting.

When Mob insists that psychic powers are average, and that Teru’s average, Teru is enraged. (“You’re the only one who can make that point. And that’s why your very existence pisses me off!”)

Finally Mob puts the nail in the coffin: “You and I are the same. We both have no self-confidence.” Up until this point, I believe that NO ONE has genuinely seen through Teru like Mob does, or, at least, they didn’t point it out. Mob sees Teru for who he is: a sad and insecure kid with no real connections. And THAT’S what makes Teru put him in a chokehold.

In a move of infinite kindness, Mob refuses to use his powers against Teru. Only when Mob is knocked unconscious are his true powers revealed. Teru then sees how outmatched he was from the very beginning, and how intentional Mob’s pacifism was towards him.

Teru did nothing but try to hurt Mob, but Mob refused to hurt him back. This is probably the most intentional love and care Teru’s received in a long time.

It’s a turning point. Because here’s the thing about Teru: he latches on to any gesture of genuine kindness and holds onto it for dear life. Mob’s kindness is enough to make Teru completely reject his old ideals.

Teru’s emotional state depended on the idea that he’s superior, but now that this belief has been dismantled, he needs a new life purpose to fill the vacuum, something else to distract from the loneliness in his life. And Mob has given Teru a new purpose: to be a good person. A kind person. Teru wants to be Kageyama’s rival—not in terms of psychic power—but in terms of kindness. (That’s why Teru claims to have won against ???% even though he’s clearly overpowered. He was talking about winning a contest of kindness, about repaying the kindness Mob showed him when they met by refusing to use his psychic powers to hurt ???%---even when ???% was hurting him).

So, Teru’s new purpose: kindness and doing good for the world. It’s a good purpose to have. And Teru is good at being kind. He risks his life to fight Claw just because he cares about Mob. He takes down Claw’s splinter organizations all on his own. He fills in at spirits and such for probably negligible pay when Mob trains for the race. He gives advice. He practices intentional humility (sometimes). He always says thank you.

And, of course, he puts his life on the line to stop ???%’s rampage and get through to Mob. He almost dies to save every last civilian.

Teru is good at being good. He is the type of person who spins every stray thread of kindness he receives into gold. He multiplies every rare gesture of love tenfold. It’s a beautiful example of how the human spirit can withstand so much neglect and agony and evil and still come out good in the end. Teru’s name means “brilliance,” and his whole character is about shining a brilliant light into the darkness that surrounds him.

As much as I’d like to believe that’s the whole picture, it’s not. There’s a darker, sadder side to Teru’s redemption

Don’t get me wrong, I believe that Teru cares about his friends very much and is a genuinely kind and good person. BUT that’s not the only reason he’s kind and good. I believe that Teru is so obsessed with being good/putting Mob on a pedestal because “being good” is his new coping mechanism.

See, his coping mechanism before was being superior and having refined psychic powers. But, since Kageyama dismantled that, he found a new purpose: being good. And he uses the pursuit of being good to distract from his empty apartment, neglectful parents, and lack of personal connections.

And isn’t there something so utterly heartbreaking about that? Think about Teru single-handedly taking down all of Claw’s splinter organizations. Think of him spending constant hours refining his psychic powers to be able to beat the bad guys. Going into the forest to meditate to “improve” himself. Training the awakening lab kids. Working out until he is more ripped than any 13-year-old should be. All of it, he probably enjoys, but is it not also a distraction? Is he doing these things solely to become better or also to busy himself and fill the days? Anything to not be by himself, tiny and alone in an empty apartment with strange noises and the bleak reality that there is no one, no one who will even know if Claw sneaks into his house and kills him.

Teru is a tragic character. At the beginning of the story, he is a menace who is completely alone. He is then redeemed. He orients his life towards being good--and gains some meaningful connections, but at the end of the story, Teru is still functionally alone most of the time. Though they care for each other very much, Mob and Teru don’t really hang out in canon. (Fanbook) They’re not even on a first name basis. Teru comes by Reigen’s office sometimes, but not often. He still has no one at home to care for him.

At the end of it all,—months and months later—Teru still has to ask for the occasional hang out with Mob. He is sipping tea sadly when Mob talks about his friendship with Tsubomi, jealous. And then he will go home to an empty apartment, alone. There is no one to take care of him when he is sick. There is no one to discipline him, or tell him “no,” or to prepare him for his first date, or to help him apply for college.

And doesn’t that go against the usual abandoned child narrative? Where the abandoned and neglected child ends the story with so many deep connections and so much love pouring into them that they can barely breathe? Where is that love for Teru? He is doing everything right. He is repaying all of the love and kindness he has ever received, so why is he still alone?

Teru never talks about any friendships besides Mob or adult influences besides Reigen. I truly believe Teru is still relying on his sparse interactions with Mob and Reigen to stay afloat emotionally. And he’s not used to kindnesses---when Reigen takes him to the amusement park, he’s overly thankful (”Reigen-san, you went to all this trouble”) And Teru literally idolizes Mob for the kindness Mob has given him. But this is kind of heartbreaking too.

No child should have to subsist on stray inklings of love and support. Love should not be a limited resource. One of the reasons that Teru treasures kindnesses so much is because he knows that gestures of love towards him are few and far between.

It’s no life for a kid. Teru should have a support system that gives him so much love casually that he’s not afraid to let it slip through his fingers. He shouldn’t have to be overly thankful for kind gestures, he doesn’t have to say “you went to all this trouble,” after someone takes him on a fun summer excursion. Teru should be loved so much that he forgets to say thanks. Love should be an expectation, not just a treasure.

Maybe this is why I’m constantly reading fics where Teru is adopted or where he spends a lot of time with the Kageyamas. Because in canon (especially manga canon), Teru’s ending is incredibly tragic. I really love the way ONE wrote him, and I’m not complaining about the ending---I think it’s great. But I want to see this boy happy. There’s something so sad about someone who loves so much but never gets what they deserve. 

But fanfiction exists! So write him having happy moments. Write Teru at the water park. Write Teru being hugged by Reigen before his graduation. Write him planting a tree. Write him having his first kiss in the rain. Write him going to cosmetology school and becoming a hairdresser. Write Reigen saving up for Teru’s college fund. 

Write Teru experiencing all of the love and joy and beautiful things because he deserves them. I will read all of your fic just put it in my inbox. I will do anything to see this boy be loved.

[cosmereplay]

Day 4: Doomed by the narrative

Rated Teen, Veil & Tyn, RoW spoilers

“Where am I?” Veil asked. One minute, she'd been asking Shallan if she had done well, and the next, she'd found herself fading…and now, she was at a darkeyes tavern?

She stepped forward tentatively, looking around. The other people seemed…indistinct, except for one person sitting at the bar who looked deeply familiar, despite the fact that Veil had never met her. 

They could never have met, because it was the woman whose manner, fashion, and history Veil had stolen whole cloth.

The woman glanced down and to the side, tilting her ear towards Veil as if she could hear Veil’s thoughts.

“You gonna come join me, Veil?” Tyn asked. “Always room for one more in the Tranquilline Halls.”

“You’re not even Vorin,” Veil chuckled as she sat beside her, her confusion drowned in the sheer excitement of meeting the mentor she’d never actually met. “Am I dead?” she asked, as Tyn gestured to the barkeep for a round of Horneater White. “How do you know me?”

Tyn offered a cheers. “First, to the woman who finally killed me,” she said with an easy smile. She didn’t seem to have taken it too badly.

“To Shallan Davar.” They clinked glasses, and Veil drank her small cup in one go. It didn’t even burn going down. It just warmed her belly, leaving her feeling as indistinct as the rest of the tavern looked. She shook her head, as if to shake off the fuzziness. 

“What a woman. I had no idea what I was getting into when I met her.” Tyn smiled again, looking Veil up and down. “She really liked the outfit, huh?”

“She liked a lot about you,” Veil said, and spun her empty glass on the bartop at what looked like an impossible angle. The trick was simply to do it confidently. “Because of you, I could do what she felt she couldn’t do. I had the skills she didn’t have, or didn’t want to have. Because of you, I was free in a way she thought she couldn’t be.”

Tyn narrowed her eyes. “She even took my advice about blending in as a darkeyes. I like that. You know, I’ve been watching ever since she ran me through with that storming Blade.”

The idea that she’d been watching them brought up some acutely embarrassing memories, and Veil winced. “Even in Kholinar?”

Tyn laughed, loudly and freely. “Yeah. You two were a piece of work out there. Nah, I'm remembering that cursed place with the beads.”

“Shadesmar?”

“Yeah. And your time at the tower city. You earned that hat and coat, girl, the way you can flip those cards. The way you can talk yourself out of trouble. You earned your reputation. You were based on me, Veil, but you grew out of me. You did things I was never capable of. Putting someone else first. Loving someone. Protecting them. After a while, I realized I was rooting for you. I want you to know that. You were…” She wiped her eye. “Storms, you’re the closest thing I ever had to a daughter. I…”

“You don’t have to say it.” Veil’s breath caught between embarrassment and longing.

“No, don’t you see?” Tyn said. “That’s why I’m still here, hanging on. I have to say it. I was a conwoman all my life. This is my last chance to say something honest in this Heralds-forsaken life.”

Tyn reached out, taking Veil’s freehand in her uncovered safehand. She had stayed behind for her. For Veil. The touch was intimate in a way Veil had never known, and it moved her deeply. 

“You did good, kid.” She squeezed Veil’s hand, and Veil squeezed back, treasuring the warmth of it. She reimagined those same worst moments knowing that Tyn, her never-mentor, had been cheering her on. Her throat swelled with emotion, and she could feel her eyes watering. 

She looked up to find Tyn’s eyes were also sparkling with barely-suppressed emotion. They both quickly looked away, wiping their eyes in a symmetrical series of motions.

Veil ordered the next round, and lifted her cup. “To learning from the best.”

“If I’d been the best I wouldn’t have gotten stabbed by a seventeen-year-old,” Tyn laughed.

Veil grinned. “Fine. To the woman I tried to become.”

The older woman lifted her cup. “And to the woman you actually became.”

They clinked their cups, then drank. Veil felt this one hit harder. She started to feel a bit dizzy, disoriented. The tavern around them started to swirl and fade. “I am dead, aren’t I?” she said, half in awe. The air seemed to sparkle with an electric energy.

“No, just me. It’s my time now,” Tyn said. She had stood, and she leaned back against the bar casually, looking upwards as the scene faded into a soft, warm light. “Go back to Shallan, kid. Things’ll be different, sure, but that’s life, and you’ve got a lot more living to do.”

The light brightened until Veil couldn’t see Tyn anymore. “Goodbye,” she whispered, as finally, she felt herself floating in the back of Shallan’s mind again. She stepped forward, feeling her former consciousness fade and change into a bright new awareness.

She had done well.

"Yes," Shallan whispered. "Thank you. Thank you so much."

[celiciaa]

GILBERT VON OBSIDIAN EVENT STORY....

EPILOGUE.

Together with the prince.

translations are not 100% accurate. expect mistakes.

trigger warning: slightly suggestive.

MINORS DNI.

I feel like I've had a long dream for the first time in a while.

???: ——…..Gil, please wake up.

(…Hn?)

Gilbert: Huh….

When I opened my eyes, I saw the sight of the laboratory littered with papers.

It seems that I was sleeping face down on the table, and maybe because of this strange position, every joint of my body hurt.

Emma: Good morning, Gil.

When I sit up, Emma is right beside me.

Those innocent eyes become mature and intelligent, and her plump cheeks become slim and beautiful,

Emma looked at me with a worried look on her face, and she was without a doubt an adult woman.

Gilbert: …The little rabbit is an adult.

Emma: What?

Gilbert: Hehe, nothing.

(It was just a dream.)

Emma: You look a little bit…groggy. Should I bring you some water?

Gilbert: No, it's okay.

When Emma was about to leave, I grabbed her hand and forced her onto my lap.

Unlike her child self, Emma's eyes became more focused and somewhat more emotional.

(…As time passes, I'm sure I'll forget my dreams.)

(I still vividly remember the little rabbit as a child, but it will come——)

Gilbert: Hey Emma, I have a question.

Emma: Yes, what is it?

Gilbert: Tell me about your first love?

Emma: My first love….

Gilbert: Yes, your first love.

Gilbert: There’s one, isn’t it? What happened to your first love or two?

Emma looks clearly upset.

(I think I have an idea.)

━━FLASHBACK━━

Emma: I want my big brother to love me!

━━FLASHBACK ENDS━━

(I thought a dream was just a dream but…)

Gilbert: Somehow I wanted to know.

Gilbert: I've already told you about my first love, haven’t I?

Emma: …Promise you won't kill anyone?

Gilbert: ….

Emma: Then I won’t tell you.

Gilbert: Ahaha, I'm just joking. I promise…okay?

When I looked into her face, Emma was hesitating as she lowered her eyes.

Emma: To be honest…I think it's different from first love.

Emma: I wasn't in love.

Emma: …There is a boy that the owner used to talk to me about a lot.

Emma: I've never seen his face, and I don't know what he looks like, but I've heard what he's like.

Emma: The story of a boy, who was older than me, was always filled with kindness.

Emma: I admire the fact that there are such kind and cool children in this world who can make so many people smile….

(…..)

Emma: ….I've always wanted to meet him.

Saying that I'm the one that Emma is reflecting in her clear eyes.

I was convinced by the atmosphere of probing and our conversation.

Gilbert: Disappointed?

When I gave her the "answer", Emma breathed a sigh of relief.

Emma: Not at all. You were different from what I expected….

Emma: You’re a good-looking person with your roots unchanged.

Gilbert: …Did I look the same to you?

Emma: Yes. Because the answer lies on Obsidian. **

Gilbert: ….

Emma: Many people are smiling. The town is full of life.

Emma: Of course, that doesn't mean there's no darkness at all… // Of course, it's not entirely free of darkness.

Emma: The person I admire, both present and in the past, is a cool person who can make a lot of people smile.

Gilbert: …I see.

━━FLASHBACK━━

Gilbert: You said that the roots remain the same, but that's not true.

Gilbert: The roots of flowers rot if they're in the wrong environment.

━━FLASHBACK ENDS━━

(That’s what I at least thought.)

I buried my face in Emma's chest and she patted me on the head.

I feel a tinge of happiness that this is too luxurious for an evil person like me.

As Emma said, it's proof that my roots haven't completely rotted away.

Emma: Or rather, that was Gil after all.

Gilbert: Perhaps. Just as Akatsuki was telling me about you, the reverse is certainly possible.

Gilbert: But the little rabbit is a worrier.

Gilbert: You told me not to kill anyone when you know it could be me.

Emma: Because if by any chance it's different, it'll be a big problem.

Gilbert: Ahaha. You think I might track him down and kill him?

Emma: …Even if you won’t kill him, I feel you can’t leave him unharmed….

Gilbert: Yes, that's correct.

Emma: But since it was you, there was no need to worry about that.

Gilbert: Eh, how can you be so sure?

Emma: What…?

Gilbert: After all, the person that the little rabbit admired isn't me now, is it?

Gilbert: I'm so jealous of my old self.

(I mean this.)

(Also, I found out that the old me is really inside the little rabbit.)

(To this day, she still holds onto the "old me" with her….)

(And she probably has no intention of letting it go in the future.)

The more I thought about it, the darker it swirled in my chest, and I found myself biting her skin through her blouse.

Emma: Gil!?

Gilbert: I may have been the person you admired in the past.

Gilbert: But I want you to see the current me now. The man who is a big villain and plans to conquer the world.

(We're not children anymore, so it's okay to do this?)

I slid off her corset and continued biting her nipples so that the shadow of the gentle boy's face disappeared.

Eventually, her blouse became transparent, and I bit into it, which was clearly visible through the fabric,

Emma raised her eyebrows in distress, a look she never showed when she was a child.

Gilbert: Please fall in love with me right now, little rabbit.

Gilbert: …You'll give me the role of saving the princess for the rest of my life, right?

Emma: Aahh…nnn, what are you talking about?

Gilbert: Hehe; I made a promise with the little baby rabbit.

While caressing the tips of her swollen breasts with my fingertips and kissing Emma, ​​who was still in a daze.

(It was a dream, but——)

━━FLASHBACK━━

Emma: Gil, help! I got captured!

Walter: You’ve finally come, hero.

Roderich: ….Doctor, you’re taking this seriously.

Walter: Shut up! Why did I, the doctor get to play as the big bad demon king——

Emma: Big brother Walter…you don’t like it?

Walter: Oh no! It's not that I don't like it. So don't cry, I'm begging you.

Walter: R-Roderich...you're my subordinate. Go get rid of the hero quickly.

Roderich: Understood.

Gilbert: Ahaha, both of you are looking good.

Gilbert: But unfortunately, the battle is over before it even begins. After all, I am a hero and an ever-victory marshal, right?

Gilbert: Look, little rabbit.

Emma: Ah, my tiger!

Walter: Why do you have the stuffed tiger? I thought I gave it to the young lady…

Gilbert: Walter, if you don't release the princess(Emma), I'll destroy this tiger, okay?

Walter: Wha?

Gilbert: What do you think would happen then? This tiger is a friend of the little rabbit, so she'll probably cry.

Gilbert: You know what will happen if the little rabbit cries…don’t you?

Walter: We lost! We’ll get going, come on.

Roderich: Too soon!?

Emma: Gil!

Gilbert: See, I'm here to pick you up. Let’s go, my princess.

Emma: Hehe, Gil is amazing. The big bad demon king lost to you immediately.

Roderich: ….Is that okay, young lady?

Gilbert: Isn't it amazing? I can do anything for you.

Gilbert: So from now on, will you give me the role of saving the princess?

Gilbert: ——Because I don't want you to pass it to anyone else.

Emma: Yes!

━━FLASHBACK ENDS━━

Gilbert: I can't help it, I love you so much.

When I parted my lips and whispered, Emma nodded with a bright red face.

Emma: I already know?

Gilbert: Right.

Emma: Me too…

Emma: …I admire you as much as I did and still do.

Gilbert: Eh…

Emma: I made a mistake. I am in love only with Gil who is in front of me now!

Gilbert: Hehe, you’ve passed.

Emma: ….And you’re still troublesome.

Gilbert: Ahaha, I’m sorry?

(The person you admired in the past and the person I am today are completely different people….)

(At the very least, I hope I can continue to be the kind of man you fall in love with.)

 ▸       [  previous ]

[jamiesfootball]

On the one hand Roy breaking up with Keeley was deeply rooted in his own insecurities and it’s heartbreaking because they both clearly still love each other.

On the other hand, while it’s easy lambast him for being stupid about it and not staying together to work it out, he may have accidentally done a very good thing for himself.

We saw in season two how Roy tends to get a bit clingy in a relationship. Some of that is probably just who he is - a guy who feels things very very very strongly and wants all the quality time with people he loves - but I suspect that some of it is also an outlet for the fact that Roy doesn’t easily make strong, honest emotional connections.

He gives people PARTS of himself. He gives the yoga ladies a bit of his silliness, but not the passionate core of himself that loves football more than anything. He gives the coaching team… more than he used to, but he holds back from being a Diamond Dog. He clearly loves the lads on his team, but they’re not allowed to comfort him about his break up. That’s a step too far.

Outside of his family, Keeley really was like the only person he let inside. And it’s easy to point at Roy’s sense of self worth as the reason for the break up, but on a deeper level I think part of him also felt devastated by the possibility that maybe Keeley didn’t feel as strongly. She didn’t need him the way he needed her, didn’t want to be attached to him the same way. She was fine on her own. Preferred it sometimes.

She loved him. He knows that. But Roy is a man in progress, and god only knows how low his reservoir of being loved was before the series. In some ways, Roy was a starving man when it came to Keeley, and honestly good on him if he realized that wasn’t the healthiest thing to bring into a relationship.

While he might have gone about it in a messy way, in a way that didn’t use enough words because he didn’t know how to make the words mean exactly, I think Roy asked for what he needed. (And Keeley might’ve hit the nail on the head when she called it a ‘break’ instead of a ‘break up’, but Roy is not a man of half measures. If they’re not together then it’s a break up. He’s stringing no one on here.)

Roy is emotionally a fucking mess post break up, but we do see signs now that this is a Roy Kent who is becoming comfortable with his life. He’s warmer with the boys, he’s joking with the coaches, he’s having a great old time during practice and personal training. He’s even made Jamie Tartt into a friend- dare I say, a close friend.

These are the support structures he needed in season two but wouldn’t let himself have. Now that he’s forcefully put himself out to pasture, he’s in a position where he has to let them in or it’s going to get very cold out there. Of course like a sheepdog he has found himself surrounded in cozy things.

This is a Roy who’s gonna be more secure in a relationship. Boy really just needed some time to work on himself. Its the good idea hiding behind the facade of a bad one. He’s gonna be just fine.

[certifiedlesbianvampire]

this week's episode was one that i've been looking forward to for a while, and while not perfect in execution, i still found it interesting, especially how it expanded on matakara and how his and arajin's fight played out.

arajin is a character that is guilty, that flees unless absolutely necessary not to, and would rather save face. he is a character that is meant to be unlikeable. contrast this with matakara, who is kind and considerate, helps his friends, and is willing to reach out, even if someone has hurt him. even their reasons for fighting could be pit against each other: arajin wants to fight to lose his virginity, and matakara wants to fight for his brother, arajin, and his friends.

the difference between arajin’s idealization of mahoro and matakara’s idealization of arajin is that, at the very least, you’re meant to make fun of/laugh at arajin- because you're not supposed to like him. matakara’s idealization of arajin is not put in a comedic light, because you're made to sympathize with him; you're meant to root for him. another example of a character who idealizing another person: mahoro. mahoro is self-aware she’s delusional. she’s self aware her brother doesn’t want her, and because she is so weird about him, her brother doesn’t open up to her as a result. but even mahoro (as much as i hate the brocon thing) can recognize it'll never happen. she still has her core values that don't stem from her brother.

arajin and matakara idealize people for two similar reasons. arajin is in love with the idea of mahoro, because she represents what is expected of arajin, a guy who wants to be un notable because he believes he can’t do more.

matakara idealizes arajin, because arajin represents the simpler, ideal life, the best life one can live as honki person, one that he strives toward. he idolizes arajin because he himself needs something to cling onto after his brother is gone.

matakara and arajin are two characters both stuck in the past. they both keep ideals from their childhood; because arajin couldn’t protect matakara, he believes he is weak and cannot do more than that on his own. matakara believes that since arajin wanted to become honkibito together, he would still want the same deep down and it’s him who’s weak.

matakara puts his faith in people, even if it hurts him. arajin doesn't put his faith in people, but he gets hurt because he doesn't trust anyone. both put their faith in different things because they don't trust themselves, so they let others dictate it for them. both are stubborn about their beliefs, yet fragile, and it hurts them when they are questioned so they double down on it.

arajin is an asshole, hell, he's a bad friend, but he never lied about his motives. matakara seeing their relationship through rose-tinted glasses and arajin being detached harms the both of them; it prevents their relationship from progressing any further.

arajin is *partially right, he is not is not what matakara thinks he is: the ideal matakara holds for himself and him. one of the key things that is first emphasized about honki people is that, "they don't run away." this is what arajin has been doing all this time. even then, arajin has not been tricking matakara in any capacity, because matakara has an idea of what arajin is, and clings to it for support.

*arajin didn’t lie back then about wanting to be honki people together, but since he believes he can’t do more for matakara (he’s used to running away) he avoids confrontation about it. matakara’s used these ideals as support so basically it’s like his beliefs were a lie

arajin is no longer the ideal that matakara saw in his childhood. now that matakara's ideals are shattered, he is vunerable to akutaro's & ichiya's manipulation.

i do think arajin and matakara are capable of being friends. however, they both need time and space to process their emotions. it’s shown that they can look out for each other, but one is overly committed (to an ideal version of the other) and the other is not. they need to find a middle ground to understand each other. i love their relationship because they're made out to be so different, yet they're so similar. i love how messy they both are, and i'm so excited to see how their relationship could possibly contrast ichiya/senya's. more importantly, i can't wait to see how their relationship develops/spirals from here.

[mynonclicheblog]

One final Never Have I Ever love triangle thematic analysis

I've said this in one of my posts before, but the narrative is always going to favor what is best for Devi. A lot of what makes this show so juicy to dive into is because so much of its meaning is rooted in symbolism and higher concepts, not just the individual interactions you're looking at onscreen!

I think that's what doesn't work for some (not all) pro-Dxton anti-Ben folks. They see Paxton being respectful and kind to Devi, they see that he's the attractive object of her desire from day 1, and they see that the two of them genuinely do help each other in certain ways. But when these same people look at Benvi, they only see Ben making obnoxious comments to Devi (+ others), they see childish behavior and mistakes being made, and they see them frequently butting heads due to their shared competitive nature.

And honestly? I get it. These conclusions are easy to come to when you're looking at the surface, but they don't take into account the full story that's being told.

Let's get into it. 😎👇

So I mentioned earlier the idea of what is best for Devi. Not what is best for any regular person out there -- what is best for Devi Vishwakumar! Our girl expresses in no uncertain terms that she enjoys her hypercompetitive rivalry-turned-bond with Ben ("Ben's smart and we talk- mostly argue- for hours!" // "I don't want to break up with Ben. He really pushes me.") The fact that they fight and compete is not a detriment to their compatibility, it is actually the thing that makes him most desirable in her mind. She would not have wanted to be with him in the first place if this were not true. Their sharp-tongued communication style may not be the standard picture of a 'healthy' relationship for most people, but, well. Devi and Ben are far from most people.

Devi is an incredibly emotional, dynamic person who's always searching for another high. The competitive nature of her relationship with Ben is enough to satisfy her itch for novelty/excitement (her differences with Paxton don't hit this box), yet Ben's presence also provides a comforting long-term consistency in her life that keeps her in touch with her True Self. He's seen the very best and the very worst of her and he always comes back. He frequently brings Devi back to herself, too, when she loses sight of what matters (friendships, family, sense of self, her goals, etc).

Then there's the dream vs. reality dichotomy that very much applies to this love triangle. Simple as it may be, it's accurate. I believe it was built that way on purpose because of how well it reflects Devi's relationships to Mohan and Nalini, which is the beating heart of what NHIE is all about. One (Mo/Pax) is more outwardly palatable than the other and provides an easygoing, self-soothing escapism that she needs in order to work through her grief. This person represents youth and the rose-colored past; Devi's tendency to idealize and indulge. The other person (Nal/Ben) is sharper around the edges, a bit harder to swallow, but pushes Devi to do better and supplies the support she needs. This person represents Devi's grounded reality; her time in the present, which is a gift she needs to embrace and hold close to her heart.

They are both important pieces of Devi's journey, but the themes of past vs. present speak for themselves. The past is something we keep in our heart, someone who has impacted us and we'll always carry with us -- but the ultimate goal is to move forward from that. The central relationship of Never Have I Ever is, without any doubt, that of Devi & Nalini as they heal and grow together. In terms of Devi's romantic life (which is what this analysis is about), her relationship with Ben is the one that more closely shadows the series arc between her & Nalini.

I'd like to address some things by the individual season now. One of my observations watching s1 for the first time was that Paxton was usually aligned with bad things in Devi's life, whereas Ben was aligned with the good. ie, Paxton was the root cause of Devi's falling out with Elfab and Nalini // Ben is the one who repaired those relationships. These things aren't Paxton's fault, nor do I place any blame on him. They're just subtle narrative choices that send up unspoken flags saying, hey look, this isn't the right person for her. This theme mostly remained in s1, but given that it was NHIE's debut season, it planted several seeds for me about who the boys were for Devi and how they fit into her world.

Season 2 does a lot to sort out the difference in what Devi thinks she wants (Paxton) and what her heart truly wants (Ben). Yes, I'm going there, too: head vs heart. Devi's underlying preference for Ben > Paxton should be easy to spot as early as 2x01 -- if only for the fact that Devi finally bagged the hot guy of her dreams, yet, choosing to be with him isn't easy for her. In fact, as both Devi and Eleanor confirm later, she wanted to choose Ben in the first place. Like... that's crazy when you think about it!!! So despite all the pieces falling into place for her and Paxton, and against her friends' shallow advice, she decides that she won't let go of Ben. Instead, she makes the misguided decision to date both. This isn't the kind of mistake she'll ever make again. It isn't Devi acting out because of Ben -- it signals a profound attachment to him when, all things considered, picking Paxton should have been a no brainer. That revealed everything I needed to know in order to understand that being with Paxton wasn't what she wanted in her heart of hearts.

Then, of course, 3x10 brings that all home with the stomach knots comparison. As a bonus, Devi even explicitly states that Paxton was a dream! Ben, however -- her flawed reality -- is the one who still gives her butterflies. This is the result of Devi's slow awakening to her true inner self, the Devi who values realness and authenticity and loving through imperfection. It's a step closer to the complete acceptance of herself. (Notice as well that right after this point, it becomes more undeniable than ever that Ben is who she wants to be with.)

As long as Paxton was a romantic possibility for Devi, their relationship was tied to her feelings of insecurity and inferiority. Again this is not Paxton's fault -- he assures her of the opposite all the time -- but this is Devi's story, and we are shown over and over that Devi fears true vulnerability with Paxton (both sexually and emotionally). Compare this to the way she has always been confident, Seen(tm), driven, and unabashedly herself in her relationship with Ben, even when they were enemies. At a glance Devi may appear to act more immature with Ben, but she grows with him more than anyone else (besides Nalini) thanks to Ben's penchant for encouraging accountability and showing her that actions can have consequences.

Anyway, TLDR version:

Paxton = Devi's youth, Mohan, grief, distraction, the past, idealism, and the head (constructed ideas).

Ben = Devi's true self, Nalini, healing, confrontation, the present, reality, and the heart (authentic truths).

Never Have I Ever's romantic story structure rests on the premise of these symbolic definitions. They are gospel, and while the characters will grow and change and become better versions of themselves, they will do so within the lines that are already drawn. The lines exist for a reason -- they are a narrative tool. These characters cannot and should not 'grow out' of their roles because those roles are their identities within the show's framework. Character development isn't being wasted because the characters are exactly who they are meant to be right through to the end. They are symbols. If that's not your cup of tea, so be it! But there's nothing wrong with this writing style; in fact it's one of my favorites because everything is so neatly defined, yet fascinating to read into 🥰

The imperfect Ben had to be Devi's true love because her love interests are, in a way, reflections of herself. By no fault of his own, Devi always felt the need to be "perfect" for Paxton because that's how she viewed him; a false paragon of everything she wanted to be. That is the point of their story together. Her acceptance of the deep love she has for Ben (and Nalini!), despite his sometimes off-putting demeanor, is aligned with Devi's acceptance of her own imperfections -- that she is hot-headed, she can be self-absorbed, she makes mistakes -- but that she is also brilliant and driven and caring and radiant, and she is equally worthy of receiving the love that she has to offer others.

Narratively speaking, it was never truly a competition.

[lysreadsbookssometimes]

I watched the finale of young royals and here are some of my rambles, collected while watching. Enjoy.

Spoilers!!!

So i didn't make it a minute, i paused at 00:59 because i could already feel the tears coming up. What the hell.

I honestly didn't expect the reactions to the closing to be that way. A lot of screaming and blaming? Sure. But August breaking down? Very in character, but unexpected.

I was especially surprised by Vincent going for a hug to calm him down. Really surprised me.

Felice is probably my favorite person in this show ngl

And they see each other from across the room, through the partying people, and we have come full circle back to the first episode. Honestly poetic. I love it.

August got redeemed. And although i am still rationally thinking about the consequences, emotionally it works. My emotional side thinks he's earned it. Somehow.

Felice and Sara making up is healing my soul

Nils finally coming out to his friends. No comments, just that.

They are wrapping everything up so beautifully in the first 30 mins. All the smaller things. The rush from the "last" everything, everybody finally getting their shit in order, all of it. Beautiful.

I am also insanely worried about what is going to happen now. I am writing this at timestamp 26:25 and the 30:53 of emotional damage on the other side of the progress bar is still staring at me. We'll see.

And the interaction between August and Sara just killed me. And its not even over. I had to pause so i could handle Augusts puppy eyes after the rejection. Judging from the big sip of cider i just took i was subconsiously rooting for them. I think i just want them to be happy. All of them. Even Sara and August.

Okay homebro is panicking so bad he PROPOSED, he is down BAD

Also the line "You love who you are when you are with me" was killer, oh my god

The last kiss. The wiping away the tears. "It will pass." Wound, Salt, and then they twist the knife.

But it is a fitting ending. It works. It fits their characters, their journeys. They wouldn't have worked out in the long run and they get their ending. Both heartbroken, but on their way to healing.

I love and hate the idea of "one last night together". It implies and ending i am still dreading. But they deserve to forget everything for a night.

I honestly didn't realize it was still sun out and it caught me off guard so bad (or is that a sunrise? I am so confused)

I don't have the scene on hand but i am pretty sure they framed the scene in the bed at the end of s3e5 the same way as them lying on the blanket (?) here. Super interesting visual storytelling.

(Small detail here, i recently had a crash course on tv journalism and a big part of that was scenes and pictures, thats why i pay so much attention to the visual language here)

The entire lake scene is beautifully shot. The way they have mirroring motions (like brushing hair out of Willes face) in different perspectives, the way the water is shot, the entire calmness of all of it. And then they have these emotional conversations under it that build up these emotions, with these big pauses in speech, drawing out this bit of retrieve from everything.

The way they show Simon swimming away, the distance between them, when they speak about exactly that.

And how they go from Wille sitting at the lake, watching Simon swim, being physically not in the same thing as him (the lake), Simon swimming away, and then the cut over to him alone in his bed.

Beautiful, artistic storytelling.

Also fucking heartbreaking, i am nearly crying already and there are 23 minutes and 54 seconds left to completely destroy me.

I am clutching to the hope that twenty minutes are left to figure everything out and that that would be too long for this to be the end. Twenty minutes, 30% of the finale, cannot and will not be the epilogue, i dont think thats likely and i also refuse to believe that.

Okay, Stella and Frederika are finally together, at least some of my sanity is clutching on. I literally yelled "fuck yeah" and punched the air.

Henry and Valter (i hope i spelled that right) together in the fields also makes me happy. I know they were shipped a lot and although I am not a religious shipper of them, i am rooting for them. Go them.

Wille taking down the pictures could also be taking the happiness out of my heart. Whats wrong with the showrunners for making us do this rollercoaster?!?!

Also him taking off Erik and him before Simon and him. Beautiful.

OH MY GOD THE BIRTHDAY GIFT

I am not prepared. Not at all. Oh my god.

Is that like a farewell? Or a "stay with me"?

Not ready. Will press play though and hug my pillow expectantly.

I made it like three seconds. WILLES SONG?!?!?!!?!?

Wille walking through Hillerska. Seeing all those spots. All those memories.

EVERYONE TAKING DOWN PICTURES. THE GOODBYES.

THE SONG. THE SONG.

Don't let them make you hide yourself.

The callback to the football field.

"WE WERE NEVER WHAT WAS WRONG" !!!!!

All the callbacks. "I could be free" was from the "he would give up the crown for you" scene, if i recall correctly. Simon is revisiting every moment in their story.

"'Cause we were a revolution" WHY IS THIS IN PAST TENSE? NO. NO!

It shouldn't be a revolution to love another.

That quote itself. Then showing August and Sara. Back to Wille.

What is slightly concerning to me is that they haven't shown Simon yet. His voice is singing, but they show everyone but him. (Sara was on the picture, i count that, but he is nowhere. Just a ghost of memories.)

"You were my revolution before it fell apart" I'M SORRY JUST TAKE MY HEART, BREAK IT AND STOMP ON IT. SURE, GO AHEAD, DIDN'T NEED IT ANYWAY

(sorry, this shit is getting to me)

(Although, you apparently read this far through my chaos, so honestly your fault)

(Still cool you're still here)

THE SNOW GLOBE. IN THE TRASH. BROKEN. DISCARDED.

Now, are we discarding Erik or are we discarding broken and damaged things? Like this relationship? fucking tell me i am losing it here

Wille looking at August after he officially graduated. I can't read his look. And i am so confused to the situation and emotions here. Because last time they were drunk, now they are sober and both their relationships with the Erikssons are basically over. That is an interesting dynamic.

SIMONS SONG INSTEAD OF THE CLASSIC HILLERSKA HYMN. SIMONS SONG ABOUT LOVING WILLE. THE ENTIRE REVOLUTION.

Wille standing alone. Then seeing his parents, behaving different from the other parents, but at least being there.

His mom trying. The hug.

And i am finally crying. These breaks to write down my thoughts have kept this at bay so far, but a mother trying and asking for forgiveness has finally broken me. (I should bring this up with my therapist)

Wille going after Simon. And his mother smiling at that.

The heartbeat in the background. After "I never gave up on us." Hope.

WHY ARE YOU SAYING GOODBYE

YOU STILL HAVE THIRTEEN MINUTES TO FIGURE IT OUT

And again Wille is telling Simon to enjoy a holiday. It was christmas. Now its the summer holidays.

But no "i love you"s. Just a heartbeat.

Simon leaving. Again.

And Wille is hesitating. I swear the heartbeat is speeding up. He is hesitating.

And i find myself yelling at the tv for him to finally move and go after him. Fight for him. Fight for them.

Fucking move. Get your man.

And this idiot walks physically backwards. Back to society and his parents, away from his love.

Fuck me, he called Simon the love of his life. And maybe he's young and doesn't know better. But i am not much older and am fairly sure someone would not say that if they didnt mean it. SO BETTER FUCKING GO AFTER HIM.

WHY ELSE WOULD THE HEARTBEAT BE THERE? i mean i am not a medical expert but i am pretty sure that was not one heartbeat, that sounded off. I hope it was two, two hearts and their beats, two lives entangled.

Felice and Sara are actively healing my soul. I am pretty sure i have written that sentence earlier but i refuse to check.

Also Wille being uncomfortable in the car. He should have run after Simon, than he wouldnt be, change my mind.

"You will be a fantastic king."

What if i don't want that?

Ladies, Gentlemen and friends of other assorted genders: FUCKING FINALLY

An honest, open, (somewhat) calm conversation. The one thing they have needed for three seasons. We finally have it. Finally.

The visual conflict of emotions in the queen. The motherly pride and concern for her child and the disappointment and fear of the monarch losing their heir. It's brilliant acting.

The realization on Augusts face hitting him when he sees Wilhelm leave.

The shaky camera as Wille is looking around, searching. The camera was steady in the car, a bit shaky around August, and now it is full on wobbling around. It is a panic, with the music, the emotions swelling.

And then he runs. And yells. And the camera gets steadier.

The regret in his face when he can't keep up anymore. And then the hope when he sees the car stop.

The relief in Willes voice when he tells Simon. And the pain in Simons eyes. Slowly morphing into hope.

The distance between them. When Wille was coming clean, they showed the faces, not the distance between them. Just that they were talking face to face. Now, as Wille asks, if Simon is done with him, they show this distance between them.

Simon starting to smile.

And now, paused, my brain moving faster than i can type, i was wondering why he was sitting in the backseat. They must have someone else in the car. And you can see Felice peeking through the rear window.

And the way they kiss. Passionately. Not holding back. Finally free.

All their moments. Their story. Their love. Finally, them saying i love you. To each other. In the open. Free. Declaring themselves. Together.

And Wille coming with them. Their little found family. Them whoooing in the car, like they did on that night at the football game on the motor bikes.

Them being happy.

And then that final look in the camera. Finally happy, finally free.

Cut to black.

Okay, that was absolutely brilliant.

I loved it, every second of it. It was a beautiful way of wrapping everything up, a happy ending at last. For everyone.

August becomes king. Or whatever. We dont care.

Sara and Felice make up. Are friends again. Are free together.

Felice finds herself outside of money and in people. In her friends.

Sara realizes she has people that care for her and see her as she is. She finds happiness in platonic love, not romantic.

Simon and Wille end up together, overcome their differences. Find a way.

Simon has his love and reconsiled with his sister. He can be true to himself and created his song, his music. Music that touches others, Music that others like.

And Wilhelm got out of that system that caused him so much pain. He got closure, threw away the snow globe, quit being royalty. He is free, the one thing he wanted all this time. Be happy, be himself, be free.

Sometimes family is a former crown prince, his musician boyfriend, a neurodivergent horse girl and the worlds best best friend.

[I think this is the point where i thank you for reading all this. I am going to post this without reading it a second time to keep myself surprised and not edit any reactions. But i hope the rambling made some sense. Thank you!]

[raytorosaurus]

want to preface this by saying that this has nothing to do with frank himself and it is not about “frank girls vs ray girls.” i’ve just been seeing some posts the last few days - just from a small group of people, i’m not making statements about “frank girls” in general at all - and i want to say that if frank is your favourite and your reaction to ray getting similar levels of fan attention to him for the first time literally ever is to get defensive and act like this is a slight against frank, maybe think about that. especially given the recent much-overdue conversation about fandom racism in relation to ray, and especially if you didn’t engage with that conversation.

like. since the breakup and up until this reunion tour has started, frank has pretty consistently been the most popular member of my chemical romance. this is of course understandable because he’s a deeply lovable guy and can largely be attributed to the fact that he’s the one most in the public eye, but ray was out there doing regular interviews in 2016, making blog posts, even appearing on a couple of podcasts, and he was never afforded the same amount of attention from both fans and major music publications as frank has been. i know there’s a lot of factors that go into this and a lot are understandable but if you were paying attention to the recent conversations about subtle self-perpetuating racial biases in emo/rock culture, you have to acknowledge that some of those factors are inextricably tied to those racial biases. i have genuinely no idea where the idea that ray somehow gets more credit than frank/more credit than he deserves comes from - as if he’s not been consistently underappreciated by mainstream music culture because of the homophobia and ableism linked to being associated with my chemical romance in general, and also by mcr’s own fanbase because of the reasons we discussed the other day - largely, because he’s not one of their twinky white faves. frank in the past few weeks receiving less attention for his guitar/backing vocals/stage presence than ray is not in any way comparable to the way ray has been overlooked for decades or wildly mischaracterised as a) a controlling technical musician who was disenganged from the emotional and thematic messages of mcr (at best) or b) weirdly hostile towards frank or vaguely homophobic/transphobic (at worst). again, these perceptions of him are so far removed from reality and from everything ray stands for and are largely rooted in him being seen as the straight masc one for years due to his race (discussed by many people recently but for example here). also i feel like i shouldn’t even have to mention this but ray is more complimentary and respectful of frank’s talents as a musician than literally anyone else, and anyone who’s paid attention to a word out of ray’s mouth knows that.

again, this is not meant to be a criticism of frank in the slightest and obviously it’s 1000% understandable and cool if he’s your favourite. and it’s of course okay to want to discuss your own fave more than you discuss the others! but please think about how you look if you’re complaining about him not getting enough attention these past two shows specifically or acting like discussing ray = belittling frank. and please don’t take this post as a reason to get defensive. it’s just okay if someone else gets attention too and that doesn’t mean frank isn’t loved and appreciated in his own right. we don’t have to behave like toddlers.

[thefirstlioveyou]

In your opinion, how do you think the byler kiss will happen?

i’m always changing my mind about this haha, but from the way st writes the older characters’ first kisses, it’s gonna happen because of an overwhelming amount of tension.

the first kisses from the older characters were always filled with sexual tension/flirting. since byler will be the same age as the teenagers were in s1-s2, they will take a similar route as the older couples this season.

jancy could barely speak after being put in an awkward situation. moments later, contemplating what they should say, they end up meeting face to face at the same time and passionately kissed on instinct, as the tension had been too much at that point. it’s implied they had sex.

jopper are older, so they’re naturally more confident and experienced in situations like this compared to 17 year old jancy. their flirting and chemistry was on another level this scene, they’re far more communicative. but all in all, their first kiss roots from sexual tension the same way jancy’s did.

because of the way st executes first kisses with older characters, i don’t imagine byler’s first kiss during an emotional scene, but a scene full of insane amount of tension. as much as i’m a sucker for the idea of either mike or will crying during their kiss, i don’t see it fitting with the way st sets their scenes up. but who really knows? maybe they will!

there’s electricity between mike and will in this scene. i imagine there will be a lack of vocal communication similar to jancy, as they are teenagers. they don’t know what to do or say, but it’s clear what they want. they’re madly attracted to one and other. eventually, they will naturally reach a point in the scene where the tension is too much for the both of them and they will make out passionately :)

they will lean into each other at the same moment and kiss, but mike suddenly breaks this apart. he will hesitate, realizing what he’s doing - kissing a boy - kissing will. there’s worry in will’s face, wondering what happened - did he do something wrong?

however, this only lasts just a second or two. mike will grab will and kiss him even harder, holding him tightly.

do they have implied sex like jancy? personally, i think that would be fucking badass since displaying sexuality of young queer love is so weirdly taboo, but it’s okay if straight teens have it?? lmao. but i also see there being a chance of not happening. i don’t think it ruins it if there isn’t, but i do think it adds to it if there is.

but yeyey thats what i think. thank you for the ask! :^D